#posting some old screenshots i have taken of my baby

[sometimesiwritebadly]

Out of the Spotlight (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

Summary: Garcia does a little totally harmless snooping and discovers Spencer’s secret girlfriend is a movie star.

Word Count: 3.2k

Notes: has it been almost two years since i posted on here? maybeee don’t worry about it. this is just pure fluff and some penelope/derek shenanigans

Masterlist

~~~

Penelope Garcia is, occasionally, too curious for her own good. She really doesn’t mean to snoop in her friend’s lives like this, but to be fair, she didn’t know she was snooping in Spencer’s life when she started. She thought she was just learning more about her most recent celebrity obsession; rising star and incredible actress, Y/N Y/L/N. She hadn’t even gone too far with it yet, really! It all started after she’d left the movie theater, where she finally got to see Y/N’s newest movie with Derek. He dropped her off at home, and she decided to follow the actress on instagram and scroll through some of her posts. Which is when she found one from three months ago that looked weirdly familiar. It was just a picture of some bookshelves, but she couldn’t shake the feeling. Then she saw that Y/N had tagged the location, and it was in D.C. The celebrity hadn’t given up the exact name of the bookstore; a slight annoyance for Penelope, but she knew it was probably just so Y/N would be able to visit the place again without a crowd of fans or paparazzi, so she’d let it slide this time. Penelope isn’t one to frequent bookstores, but she remembered Spencer had taken herself and JJ to a small bookshop when they had decided their new year's resolutions would be to read more often. Spencer kept trying to get them to read the classics, but both women were shopping the romance section, much to Spencer’s annoyance. So, she called an amused Derek back to her place so he could take her there.

“So we’re doing this because some actress may have been to the same bookstore three months ago?” He asked, driving with one hand as he talked to Penelope. 

“Well when you say it like that it sounds silly!” She said, still scrolling through the instagram page. “Besides, it’s not just that, a lot of these pictures are in Quantico! What’s a big name actress like her doing here?” Since the discovery of the bookshop picture, she’d found 3 more that were obviously in the city; a well known coffee shop, a mall Penelope has spent way too much money at, and a picture of a sign from the nearest highway. There were some others that she thought might be, but there was no definitive proof to be found.

“She probably just has family here, baby girl.”

“Um, do I look like an amateur to you, hot stuff? The first thing I looked for was her family, who are all happily living far, far, away, thank you very much.” The next picture she scrolled to gave her pause. It was a picture of a TV with a still from Y/N’s breakout show on it, but a coffee table, with someone’s sock-clad feet on it, was just barely visible. The socks were covered with the logo for her show. It was captioned “Will it ever stop being weird to see myself on TV?”

“Does this look familiar to you?” Penelope held the phone in Derek’s line of sight, causing him to swerve the car a little and push her hand out of the way.

“Do you think that could wait until I’m not driving?” Penelope just rolled her eyes, taking a screenshot of the picture for future reference. In just a few short minutes, they were pulling into the parking lot of the bookstore. Penelope rushed in, with Derek strolling behind her. She quickly found the spot that was featured in Y/N’s instagram post. 

“See! Told ya it was here!” She said, showing Derek the picture so he could compare it himself. 

“Yup, definitely it is the same place. I still don’t see why this is a big deal though.”

Penelope opened her mouth to argue with him, but was interrupted by the store’s owner; a little old lady. “Can I help you two find anything today?” 

“Oh, no ma’am. I just saw your store on my favorite actress’s instagram, and wanted to see it for myself.” Penelope explained, feeling a little bad for wasting the woman’s time. Maybe she’d find a book to buy, even though she’s not even finished with the last book she bought here.

“Oh! Miss Y/L/N, right? She and her boyfriend are around here all the time! What a nice little couple; her boyfriend is a little skinny though, I really need to make some cookies for him the next time they come by.” The woman explained, walking over to the wall of the store to point to a framed picture of herself and Y/N, signed and all. 

“She has a boyfriend?” Penelope asked, shocked that she hadn’t at least figured it out. In all her snooping of Y/N’s instagram, she hadn’t seen a hint of a boyfriend. 

“Oh, yes. They’ve been coming around for, goodness, six months now? They always buy each other books, it’s so adorable. He always buys her one of the classics, I think it was Romeo and Juliet last time. She usually gets a romance of some kind.” That made sense; the most recent picture on her instagram was one of two books; Romeo and Juliet, and The Duke and I. Eventually, Penelope and Derek made their way out of the bookstore, and that was the end of Penelope’s investigation of Y/N Y/L/N’s life.

Well, the end of Penelope’s investigation for that week.

It’s not like Penelope could track down Y/N Y/L/N’s secret boyfriend…not without seriously abusing her FBI database and maybe breaking a few privacy laws. She almost forgot about the trip to the bookstore, but during a rare case where she actually got to join the team on the jet, she noticed Spencer was reading something out of character. 

“Uh, Reid?” He looked up from the book he was reading.

“What’s up?” He said, quietly, as everyone else was sleeping after the long case.

“Why are you reading The Duke and I? I thought you were a total book snob?” She asked, sitting across from him.

“Oh, um,” Nothing could hide the slight blush that appeared on his face. “A friend of mine told me to read it.”

“Like a girlfriend?” Penelope teased, watching as his blush became even more noticeable.

“Y-yeah. Uh. Like a girlfriend.” Spencer opened the book back up, hiding behind its cover and promptly ending the conversation. He brought his feet up onto the small table in between them, causing his pants to ride up just enough to show off his socks. One sock was just plain black, but the other one was covered in the logo for a familiar TV show.

“Are you a fan of Y/N Y/L/N too?” Spencer just looked up in confusion.

“What?”

“Your sock, that’s her show right? It’s really good, I watched it in like a day.”

Spencer’s eyes went back to the book. “Uh, yeah. It’s a great show.”

Sure, Penelope thought he was acting a little weird, but that’s just Spencer. He doesn’t talk about his life outside of work too often, but she was glad he at least told her about the girlfriend. Even if he wouldn’t tell her her name, she was sure she could figure something out. So the next day, she updated Derek on her new information about Spencer.

“Wait wait wait, Spencer was wearing socks with the show’s logo? And reading The Duke and I?” The two of them had been walking towards the BAU kitchen to get a cup of coffee to help them get through the paperwork day, but Derek had stopped walking abruptly when Penelope gave him those details.

“That’s what you’re most interested in? Not the fact that Spencer has a girlfriend?” Penelope asked.

“C’mon baby girl, it’s obvious that Spencer’s been dating someone.”

“What! You knew! And you didn’t tell me?”

Derek laughed, resuming their walk towards coffee and letting Penelope hurry along behind him. “Sorry cupcake, I figured you knew too. He’s just been so happy for the past few months, in the way only a lady would make him.”

“Ugh, ok, well some of us aren’t profilers, Derek. What’s so important about the socks and book?” 

“Well,” Derek grabbed the coffee pot, pouring some into Penelope’s mug as he spoke. “Just a few weeks ago you dragged me to a bookstore, where we learned about a certain couple. A couple where the guy likes classics and the girl likes romance, right?”

“Yeah-Oh! No! There’s no way you’re suggesting what I think you’re suggesting.”

“And didn’t Spencer get flustered when you mentioned her?” He asked, now pouring the coffee into his own mug.

“Oh my god! The socks!” Penelope pulled her phone out of the pocket, quickly making her way to the picture she’d saved. She showed it to Derek once again, this time zooming in on the coffee table. “Those are the socks he was wearing! On her instagram!”

“Uh, why are you staring at a picture of Spencer’s living room?” Penelope jumped, not having noticed that JJ was standing over her shoulder, looking at the picture on Penelope’s phone.

“Wait, you’re sure this is his living room? Like, 100%?” Penelope had never actually been to his place before.

“Uh, yeah, he babysits Henry a lot. Why, what’s the big deal about it?”

“Oh my god, Spencer is dating a movie star. Spencer Reid is dating a movie star!” Penelope couldn’t help but jump up and down, almost spilling her coffee.

And then Spencer walked into the room, promptly ending the gossip between coworkers before Spencer could hear. 

Derek had made her promise to wait until Spencer was ready to talk about his relationship, but after an agonizing week, she felt like she was going to burst at the seams. So when she got a notification on their night off that Y/N had posted a new picture, she was aching to get more information about the secret relationship. This was, again, a picture in what she now knows is Spencer’s living room. This time, there was an open box of pizza on the table. It was captioned, “Lovely night in.”

So, naturally, Penelope immediately headed to Spencer’s.

~~~

Y/N doesn’t think it’s possible to be any more happy than she is right now.

8 months ago she’d just ended what was possibly the most disastrous relationship in the history of humankind. She’d made the classic mistake of dating a co-star; an older guy who was well known to be a bit of a playboy. The relationship had been extremely public; everything from their dates to their fights were somehow captured by paparazzi. His fans hated her, her fans hated him, and worst of all, the network was pushing them to be even more public in the hopes of gaining more viewers. At the end of it all, she was insanely grateful her character wouldn’t be returning for the next season as she was already booked for a movie. The only thing worse than breaking up with your co-star is having to continue playing his love interest. 

And just when she was at her absolute lowest, having sworn off of ever dating someone in the spotlight again, she ran into Spencer. 

After wrapping filming for a movie in Atlanta, the only reason she was even in D.C. was because her flight was forced to land early; a sudden storm was arriving and there was no way the plane would safely make it to New York. What started as an hour delay turned to three, then four, and before she knew it Y/N was stuck in town for a weekend. 

She spent basically an entire day hiding away in her hotel room, so Y/N just had to get out and do something. It was still raining cats and dogs, and she’d never been in the city before, so she just googled the closest places that were still open. Luckily, there was a small bookstore just down the street, and there were a few books she’d heard about that she hadn’t had the chance to buy yet. So she put on her coat and practically ran to the store. 

She was drenched and already regretting the decision to leave the hotel room by the time she walked into the building, but there was no point in turning back now. The place was practically empty anyways, Y/N only spotted an older woman reading a novel at the cash register. She slowly began browsing the shelves, not looking for anything in particular.

When she rounded one of the corners, however, she ran right into someone’s chest.

“Shit! I’m so sorry!” She immediately apologized, looking up to find a cute man staring back at her. “I wasn’t paying any attention, I assumed I was the only one in here.”

“That’s alright, I, um, I wasn’t paying attention either.”

The guy standing before her was holding various books, all reminding Y/N of the books she was supposed to read (but never actually read) for her high school English classes. “So, do you exclusively read books written before the 20th century or are you just taking a college class in-” She read the title of the book on top of his pile; a collection of short stories by Edgar Allen Poe. “-depressing gothic short stories?”

He laughed, rolling his eyes a bit. “I just like a bit of a challenge when reading. And it’s a rainy day, which calls for ‘depressing gothic short stories,’ not–” He glanced at the one book she’d picked up, a cartoon covered book called Red, White, and Royal Blue. “What I can only assume is a cheesy romance.”

Despite his insult of her choice in books, Y/N couldn’t help the smile on her face. “Well maybe I like reading books that are actually entertaining, not reading so I can be confused by convoluted metaphors.” 

Just as he opened his mouth to respond, their conversation was disrupted. “Y/N Y/L/N? Aren’t you from that doctor show on television?” Y/N turned to see the woman that had been at the register earlier slowly walking over. 

“That’s me! It’s nice to meet you!” Y/N’s real smile suddenly switched to a smaller, more practiced one. It’s not that she didn’t love meeting fans–she’d just been enjoying a conversation with someone who wasn’t treating her differently. 

“Oh I knew I recognized you! My granddaughter loves her show, she was so upset when you decided to transfer to that fancy british hospital and…” The woman started rambling on a bit about the stuff her character had done and how her granddaughter reacted to it. Y/N glanced over at the guy she’d been talking to, who seemed entertained by the whole interaction. “...Anyways, do you think we could take a picture? My granddaughter will just never believe you were here!”

“Of course, um, do you mind taking it for us…?”

“Spencer. Yeah, I’ll take the picture for you. Do you have a camera, Mrs. Waverly?” Clearly the guy, Spencer, was a bit of a regular here if he knew her by name. 

“Yes, yes, it’s around here somewhere…” The woman scrambled off, muttering to herself about where she’d last seen the camera.

“So…” Spencer spoke first, breaking the somewhat awkward silence while they waited for Mrs. Waverly. “You read cheesy romances and star in cheesy Grey’s Anatomy knockoffs?”

“Hey! It wasn’t a Grey’s-” His pointed look made her stop. “Ok, it was totally a Grey’s Anatomy knockoff, but I’m not on the show anymore so you can’t make fun of me for it!”

Mrs. Waverly finally reappeared, with an old polaroid camera in her hands. The two quickly took a picture, which Y/N happily signed for the woman. By the time both Y/N and Spencer had bought their books, the rain had slowed to a light drizzle. 

“So, um…” Spencer started, but trailed off, not knowing what to say.

“My hotel is just down the street.” Y/N said, pointing in the right direction. Spencer’s eyes widened a bit before Y/N realized what she’d said. “Not that I’m like, inviting you to my hotel room, I’m not, that’d be crazy, I just-” She cut herself off, trying to not ramble anymore. “Do you wanna walk with me? Tell me more about your depressing book?”

Luckily, Spencer wasn’t put off by her rambling. “I’d love to. Poe isn’t always depressing, really…” He started, as the two of you walked slowly towards your hotel.

From there, the short walk turned into a coffee date the next day, which turned into long FaceTimes while one or both of you were in different cities, which lead to where you are now; 8 months deep in a relationship and finally in town with Spencer. He’d still have work of course, but you’d be in town for the next two months as your next job wasn’t starting for a while. 

The two of you were basically in an extended honeymoon phase. Only your closest friends knew that you were dating anyone, so you never had to worry about it leaking to the press. You figured when the two of you got more serious you’d eventually have to go public with the relationship, but for now it was nice having something just for you. 

You were in Spencer’s apartment, scrolling through Netflix looking for something new to watch, when Spencer arrived home from work.

“I think my team knows that we’re dating.” 

“What?”

Spencer made his way to the couch, laying down next to Y/N as he continued, “Well obviously JJ knows, but she said she wouldn’t tell anyone. I’m sure Hotch and Rossi at least have figured out that I’m dating someone, but I don’t think they care enough to figure out who. But today Garcia and Morgan were just acting weird. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if-”

Spencer was cut off by a knock at the door. “Spencer Reid if you don’t open this door right now I’m making Derek kick it down!” 

“Let me guess…that’s Garcia.” Y/N said, laughing as Spencer rolled his eyes and got up to open the door. 

“Spencer, are you actually dating a movie star? And you didn’t tell me?” Garcia complained, not yet seeing Y/N sitting on the couch as she entered the room, solely focused on Spencer. Derek walked in next, immediately noticing Y/N and smiling at her. Y/N made her way over, trying not to laugh at Garcia’s widening eyes when she noticed her. 

“Sorry, I think it’s my fault that he didn’t tell you. We’re just keeping things quiet right now.” You explained, “I’m Y/N, by the way.” 

Derek was the first to grab your hand. “Derek Morgan. I’m sorry about all this, she was just curious.”

“I’m Penelope! And you’re Y/N and I love your work so much you don’t even know!” Penelope began rambling, taking Y/N’s arm in hers and leading her over to the couch as she talked about her favorite parts of Y/N’s movie. Derek and Spencer slowly followed, talking amongst themselves.

“So…Spencer Reid and Y/N Y/L/N. How’d that happen?” Derek asked. 

Spencer smiled, thinking back to that night 8 months ago. “We met in a bookstore last year.”

Derek laughed, because of course Reid would meet a girl at a bookstore. “You happy?”

Again, he smiled. “I’ve never been happier.”

~~~

taglist

@avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @kenzi-woycehoski @esposadomd @andreasworlsboring101 @peculiarinsomniac 

[rararazaquato]

Tell us more about le cartoon version of Raincode you have please.

Like of other characters appearing and more dynamics, including episodes.

oh BABY you're in for a treat!!!

i have a whole google doc planned out for this thing, despite me having no animation experience gjgkhkh... this is gonna be the Public Lore Dump Post btw, and spoilers for all of rain code will be under the cut.

so the concept for this whole thing came about while watching the animations of youtuber OkayScreamingNow. super cool animation btw, their "psycho teddy" animation moderately blew up but i'm a huge fan of their "everybody likes you" video.

between watching those, a ton of aimkid videos, wince media's meat bun song, and nicktendo's mighty b review, i started feeling really nostalgic for mid-late 2000s animation, the stuff i grew up on. growing up creepie, yin yang yo, kenny the shark, all these were shows i adored as a kid. so, combined with my current rain code fixation, this little au came to be!

the general conceit of this au is that "Master Detective Archives" is a 2008 animated children's program that lasted for 20 episodes and is majority lost media. only a couple episodes exist in the bowels of shitty piracy sites, and even then those sites keep getting taken down. the more screenshots and concept art i make, the more is "revealed" about the show.

one of the things that interests me the most about children's media is how people worked around the censors. a lot of people are familiar with the story of the ren and stimpy adult party cartoon. for those who aren't familiar, when john "god's mistake" kricfalusi created an adult oriented reboot of ren and stimpy, the show was dogshit. with the new ability to rely on the crutch of whatever grossout sexual humor it wanted, it became a massive stain on john k's career (he has had other horrific stains both before and after apc, but i need to stress, no one liked apc).

for a more positive example, i love pretty much all of jhonen vasquez's work, but i find the humor and even some of the horror of invader zim to be more interesting than the same stuff in jthm, because iz was working under far stricter standards and practices.

what i'm trying to get at is that i enjoy the challenge of seeing how i can take concepts and make them more kid-friendly while still keeping the intrigue and interest the concepts originally had. i worked at a summer camp in 2022, and the driving force behind this little project was "keeping rain code camp-appropriate, but also keeping it interesting".

this ethos will hopefully explain some of the Big Changes i made to the story and characters. i do want to stress that i do not think i am improving on the original work. i think rain code is a story that, inherently, works better as an m-rated, gritty, cyberpunk-y murder mystery. i've just always been uniquely fascinated by this particular genre shift.

so, first major change: nocturnal detective agency has turned into nocturnal detective academy. this is a place where young minds, particularly those with supernatural powers, go to hone their craft. or at least... it was. now it's run exclusively by three people: headmaster Zange Eraser, school nurse and therapist Melami Goldmine, and teacher (and everything else) Yakou Furio.

i grew up with a book series called school of fear, which was about a small group of kids with severe phobias being sent to help conquer their fears at a highly rated school. however, it was actually just a kooky old lady and her massive mansion, and while she helped the kids get over their fears, she did it in unorthodox and occasionally darkly humorous ways. i remember a scene in the books where she put the claustrophobe and the kid afraid of death in a coffin for a few hours, and while that is absolutely NOT how exposure therapy works, the idea of a school that's just a few adults running a lowkey scam out of their house has always tickled my funny bone.

so the nda is a school, teaching detective skills and the like. of course, because yakou is my beautiful failwife, he mostly just sends his students out into the city of Kanai Ward to do their own investigative work and report back with what they've learned... as long as they don't get in trouble with Hecksmile or his goons, at least!

yeah, the other big change is that the peacekeepers are more like team rocket than corrupt cops. while i agree that the police suck, and a lot of older cartoons seem to share that sentiment (even some newer ones like gravity falls), having all the villains be evil, corrupt cops seems like a recipe to get s&p on your ass. so now, the cops just don't do anything, and Hecksmile and his goons just wreak havoc whenever they feel like it.

(i've already explained the hecksmile bit in a previous post, but i dont think any of the other names would need changing. maybe if this was the 90s, desuhiko and fubuki would get their names changed to something more eurocentric, but this isn't the 90s and that stuff was cringe even back then.)

there are only seven students at the academy, and i've de-aged these characters to be more relatable to the target audience: our main character yuma, halara, desuhiko, fubuki, vivia, pucci, and aphex. i'll detail them a bit here, because yakou, zange, and melami can all stay pretty similar (actually, melami doesn't randomly feel up strangers to get their clothing measurements anymore, but that's a pretty minor change).

yuma is still our main character, acting as the straight man and audience surrogate. the whole "number one" twist isn't really a thing with how this whole plot is set up, so his awkward and generally "scrunkly" attitude from the game is his natural state here. though none of the ages of the characters are specified, he's often called out as the youngest detective, probably in his preteens or early teenagehood. his coalescence is used for a lot of teamwork-based solutions to problems, but he isn't that great at actual mystery-solving.

this is where shinigami comes in! in the first episode, after some hijinks, yuma accidentally summons a death god. fortunately, he summons a teenage death god. she can only appear in her cool human form in her summoner's dreams, she can't interact with anyone in the physical world except her summoner, and she doesn't even have her reaper's license yet! regardless, she likes having a friend, so she helps yuma see things from different perspectives. i figured death spirits wouldn't be off the table, exactly (i mean, look at billy and mandy), but i think there's a certain humor in a death god not being able to do any soul reaping. i like to think she talks about it like her driver's license. "ugh, i'm not allowed to reap any souls until i'm 16 thousand years old! i'm only 14 thousand!!!" because of her teenagerdom, her human form is going to be far less sexualized. also because i think her canon outfit is a little ugly.

halara doesn't change much from canon. very mysterious and intimidating. no one knows their gender because everyone's too afraid to ask (and to find out, you'd have to pay them about $100 in cash). they still love cats but have an allergy to them, they still don't trust people, etc.

desuhiko changes a lot from canon. he's less actively creepy and more of a wannabe romantic. he has a tendency to fall for grown women, although he has absolutely no chance with any of them. this is played for laughs.

fubuki is another character who doesn't change much from canon. obscenely rich and super out of touch with everything around her. has occasional bursts of intelligence for comedy.

vivia is still everyone's favorite emo sadboy, writing poetry in the fireplace. his passive suicidal ideation, though interesting to explore in media made for adults, is very dangerous to put in a children's show, so we're nixing that. instead, he's just real sleepy and goth. he's also the least interested in doing actual detective work, so when he and yuma are investigating together, it gives yuma a chance to take the lead.

pucci doesn't change much from canon, but admittedly, we don't know too much about her. she's sensitive to noise, very thoughtful and introspective, but very awkward around people being nice to her.

and aphex. what to say about aphex. i don't like aphex for a number of reasons (anyone who played with jpn audio can back me up on this one), but the idea of someone who is initially violent and cruel becoming your (still somewhat violent and cruel) ally is a fun character trope to me. my go-to example is buford from phineas and ferb, and i think that's the role aphex would play. initially a threat, but eventually becomes softer and more well-developed. well, if the show got more seasons.

and that's our main cast! i could talk about kurumi, makoto, and martina, as i have a lot of cool ideas for them, but i have been writing this for like an hour and i think i need to chill ahaha... ty for the ask!!!

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

My whole renewed dive into trying to save all the John Oliver files I can get my hands on, which within a week escalated to me buying a new 1TB hard drive just to see how big a John Oliver folder I can make, started when it was noticed that this video was taken off YouTube:

I was glad I’d saved a copy of it, because I don’t trust anything to stay anywhere on the internet, if there’s something I like I immediately put it on my hard drive so it can’t disappear. I'm making this post mainly for anyone else who might not have saved this before YouTube took it down, here's where you can download it. Because no one should be denied the really fucking weird 25 minutes with baby comedians from 1997.

A few years ago I read this quote from Richard Ayoade, which I annoyingly can't find now, where he said he doesn't like this documentary, that they were just students and obviously didn't know what they were doing and some film people came in and said they wouldn't look bad in it but of course they do look bad. It was something like that, I can't find the exact quote. But I remember finding it odd, because surely no one is judging these people's actual comedic skill based on a few clips from a 25-minute video of when they were students. People just share it because it's funny to adorable little baby versions of the comedians who are famous now. Obviously they weren't doing high-quality comedy, they were like 19, no one cares.

Since then, I have learned that this is not quite true, and Richard Ayoade did, in fact, have reason to object to his weird student sketches being out there. Because apparently, some people are judging their comedic skill based on the time in 1997 when he and John Oliver did a weird sketch on a fence. My deep rabbit hole dives of about 18 months ago led me through a lot of old comedy message board threads, including one from 2006 of people absolutely ripping that video apart as a sign that comedy is well past its peak and this newfangled crop of comedians are all shit and the once-great institution of Cambridge Footlights has fallen. By 2006.

I normally don't link to things things directly from a message board on here, seems too close to that horrible thing where you take screenshots from one social media and post it on a different social media to make fun of it (so instead, I just occasionally see something I disagree with on a message board, and then write a post on here refuting it without posting the original context, to people who don't know what I'm talking about), but it feels more acceptable if it was from 2006, I think. It's not like the person who posted that in 2006 is likely to still be hanging around Britcom social media seeing who's quoting them. So I think... I think I need to quote just a little bit of it, because there was this one really long aggressive rant from this one 2006 post that was the funniest fucking thing (I won't like but it's not hard to find on Google):

I mean, I can't really communicate how bad it was, to be honest. But it was just the fact that you saw the two cunts writing the thing, sitting in a daylight-filled bar, giggling into their lager. You got the picture? Ugh. And John Oliver, who is the spitting image of David Baddiel (intentionally of course), is there with his pencil and notepad suggesting the lines with a grandiose smugness that made me really ill, and his mate (the blandest man ever) is there, with his jumper and his shoes, salivating over the comic genius he sees before him. Cunt, cunt, CUNT! They also have three girl-ones with them, all of whom have no talent whatsoever. You see one of them auditioning, where she has to do some improv, and she's shit... but the president (who looks like a fifteen year-old John Lloyd) can be heard wheezily guffawing at everything she says. And this serves only to make her improv even worse. And John Oliver is the worst. Or the one that got to me the most. With his hair.

That is, in case anyone's wondering, why my current Tumblr bio ends with the line: "John Oliver is the worst. Or the one that got to me the most. With his hair." It's a quote from a guy in 2006 who was really really mad about a 25-minute Footlights documentary.

So I would like to state, for the record, that by sharing this video, I am not endorsing the actual quality of the comedy in the few little sketches we see. I am also not endorsing the class system, the hold that a few elite institutions have over entire industries, Richard Ayoade's views on transgender people, or trivia in pubs. I just think they're adorable baby comedians as well as an interesting snapshot of comedy history. I'm pretty sure that's all it's supposed to be.

I am also not endorsing the class-based dominance of elite institutions when I say I still want that sitcom between two student comedians, Kim Tey and Wark Atson, who have to band together to get through their year-long university comedy play while hiding from everyone but each other their respective secrets of not really being a student there, and not really being Welsh. Madcap farcical hi-jinks ensue. People would watch it. I do not endorse the class-based dominance of elite institutions but I do quite enjoy Footlights stories, so I'm glad they made a really weird documentary with some of them. Also when I go to the UK this summer I've booked off one entire day to take the train to Cambridge and run around feeling like I'm in Harry Potter (Disclaimer: I also do not endorse JK Rowling's views on trans people, or at this point, on most things. Why can't we have nice things?).

I do not endorse the class-based dominance of elite institutions, but also,

And that probably the only time you'll hear someone compare John Oliver to John Robins (very different comedians, really), especially on a post that started out just being a way to share a video that's been taken off YouTube. Download the Google Drive link if you want to keep it, everyone. That was supposed to be the point of this post. It's a good video. It features Richard Ayoade and Matthew Holness and either that woman from Peep Show or her sister, I get them mixed up. And also it features John Oliver with, to be fair for one moment to that guy in 2006, quite Baddiel-like hair.

[ink-and-radio]

Now, I am not typically one to post onto this website, especially concerning theories and the like (I do not enjoy directly engaging in fanbases for multiple reasons). That being said, as Hazbin Hotel has been on my rewatch cycle for weeks now, I have seen a fee things here and there about the presence of eyes in the background. Specifically, calling attention to Alastor's scene in the finale where we witness him at his most exposed moment thus far - and the theories surrounding it (how it could be connected to Roo has been the prevalent one).

I largely blew this theory off as others not paying much attention to the artist details of the landacapea and foregrounds - eyes appear EVERYWHERE. They are a primary decor element and I have been hard pressed to see a scene where at least one was not present somewhere in the background.

On this note, however, one thing I noticed tonight is that one like those we witness is Alastor's breakdown not the only time they appear - in fact, they seem to appear at moments when the characters are feeling emotionally exposed - they appear in Camilla's office after the Overlord meeting when she is speaking to Zestial about the angel, in the Poison musical scene behind Angel Dust is part of the song, again on the street behind Husk and Angel during "Loser, Baby" - some of the examples I've taken notice of thus far. (I am, unfortunately, terribly old fashioned and out-of-touch somewhat surround technology, so no screenshots currently but they are there).

I have not seen anyone speak about that specifically yet. I do not completely throw out that it could, indeed, be something tied to Roo - perhaps that she is always watching everyone and everything, especially when they are vulnerable - but I also ADORE this as an artistic element because it adds an extra array of emotion - specifically a feeling of paranoia (for Alastor, more so) in these moments. The other characters outside of these scenes are not supposed to see these moments- they are meant to stay private and raw - but the eyes are watching, adding to that feeling of anxiety and exposure.

And I eat that up like it were my last meal.

[moody4world]

okay so i was thinking

singer reader surprises Jack on tour , they had gotten into an argument but he questions the status of their relationship. so she sings him a song to let him know that she forgives him and still loves him

( idk if you watched victorious but that song " youre the reason" would be perfect )

hi hon!! i changed it up a little bit but i hope you still enjoy it!!<3

You’re the reason

A/N(?): i am !!NOT!! a writer, everything i write and post is simply for fun and not to be taken seriously

You’ve been in the spotlight for almost your entire life. From being on Disney at the ripe age of 10 to appearing on the big screen with A-listers at only 17. You were not only an actress but also a singer. You had become one of the youngest female R&B artists on the charts at just 20 years old and you couldn’t be more proud of yourself.

Your parents never forced you because it’s always been what you wanted and they were your number one supporters and nobody could argue with that. Nobody except for Jack. Jack claimed that he has always been your number one fan and he would die on that hill. His words though not yours, he couldn’t believe that he was dating his childhood crush. The first time you met Clay he didn’t hesitate to embarrass his brother by telling you how Jack always fought him for the tv remote when he knew you were going to be on their tv screen.

Jack was proud to call you his and he would turn all his social media accounts to fan accounts dedicated to you if he could.

The two of you met at the MET gala two years ago and ever since then its been a down low friendship, to dating and now relationship. Jack always kept his celebrity connections as private as possible and you were no different. You were also proud of Jack and the fact that he was your boyfriend. Only problem was that you haven’t gone public with a relationship since your last very public and dramatic breakup in 2018, something that took a huge toll on you for a couple months. Once you finally got over that situation you told yourself it’d be best to keep future relationships private.

Jack understood this because he also agreed but he always told you private doesn’t have to be secret. You knew he was right but you were still scared of your relationship with Jack falling apart the way your last one did. You were so in love with him that you refused to let anything to ruin what the two of you have.

Unfortunately this topic was the main cause of your current argument. Jack has been touring for the past few weeks and the two of you have been facetiming every single day like you were doing right now. “Look at youuu all snuggled up into my hoodie” He had the biggest smile on his face as he always did when he looked at you. “It’s so comfy, thanks for leaving my favorite ones by the way” “It’s nothing baby” “I really want to post a screenshot of this right now” your smile faded with worry and Jack didn’t miss it “Y/n it wouldn’t kill us to post each other every now and then baby we’ve been over this.” “I know but I just don’t want to risk anything Jack, we’ve been over that too haven’t we?”

“At first I got it but now i’m starting to think you just don’t want to be seen with me y/n.” “Oh come on Jack you know it’s not that” “Then what else is it huh? Cause if you’re scared to even mention me to people or let me just post an innocent photo of us what am I supposed to think?” “Now all of a sudden i’m the bad guy for wanting to protect our relationship?” “This shit doesn’t need any protection y/n, you’re sinking this ship with your overthinking. I’m trying here baby but you gotta help me too.” Jack made valid points but in that moment you were too butt hurt to acknowledge any of that.

You shut down like you always did during moments like this, you didn’t want to talk about it anymore and just wanted to hang up. “Okay well I have a performance later so i’m gonna go get some rest. We’ll talk later, okay?”

You didn’t even want to make eye contact with him anymore because you knew you’d let some tears slip if you did. “Y/n you’re not hanging up on me like this. Talk to me baby tell me how you really feel. I’m sorry I got a bit heated. I just want you to let go of that fear, i’m nothing like him and you know how much I love you. Crazy fans and fake articles are the last thing you should be worried about. I want to show you off cause it’s what you deserve. We both know that.” You couldn’t say a single thing. His words had felt like a soft and warm hug of reassurance and safety. It was hard to express how you were feeling so you simply said an “I love you” and hung up.

Jack thought he had hurt your feelings because of the way you hung up. If it was up to him he would blow up your notifications with apologies and i love yous but knew that when you got like this he simply had to give you space. It was insane to you how loving and supportive of a boyfriend Jack was to you. But It was something completely new for you which made it slightly overwhelming in moments like these. You decided to get some rest before your performance of the night and once you woke up you were certain of one thing.

Which was, you were tired of keeping him a secret. You wanted everyone to know that you’ve found a man that treats you how every girlfriend or boyfriend should be treated. Loved how anyone in a relationship should be loved.

That night at your concert you surprised the crowd with a new unreleased love song you had written specially for Jack. You told your friends that it was a song you wrote for a very special person in your life that you would tell them about soon.

Your cousin had recorded the whole thing and sent it to Jack. To say Jack was surprised when he saw the video was an understatement. You had never mentioned that you were writing a song about him. He knows it must’ve been hard for you to keep that from him because he was the first one to know every thought process you had for any song you were writing or any show or movie you were casted in.

The song was called “You’re the reason” and the lyrics explained how he’s the reason you’ve become so much more confident in yourself and your career after such a hard time. He’s the reason for the huge genuine smile you’ve had for the past year and a half. When news of the performance got out everyone was curious to know who the special person could possibly be. You haven’t been spotted with anyone for a long time unless it was a co-star from the same movie.

That same night you and Jack decided to post a photo of the two of you announcing your relationship to everyone else.

y/n ☑️

Liked by neelamthadhani and 503.856 others

y/n very few of you guys guessed it right, “You’re the reason is about jack!!! i’m gonna keep this caption short so i don’t simp on the main but just know i l*ve this guy

y/ngotcake queen is this white man bothering you🤨

user1 I KNEW IT AND NONE OF YOU BELIEVED ME

jackharlow ☑️

Liked by urbanwyatt and 489.677 others

jackharlow Always been her #1 fan and i’ll die on that hill. Love her forever🤞🏻

user2 First tom holland gets his celebrity crush and now jack too?! i really gotta start manifesting

druski ☑️ Aw shit we done lost another one man somebody better call dr. umar

y/n @ druski stop it😭

[branwendaughterofllyr]

branwen please share with us some more BNFs/JoLa tea ☕️ thank you kindly x

I’m probably going to regret this but I couldn’t resist lol.

I actually feel bad for a lot of the BNFs, including JoLa. The end of GoT wasn’t really fun for most of them, and most of them have left the fandom. JoLa has pretty much abandoned her tumblr, and good for her honestly. I think she’s a very silly, even over sensitive person, but she genuinely believed that she was going to be right. She hates being called a BNF and denies she ever was one, which is par for the course for her. She would alternate between denying she was invested in jonerys as a ship and commissioning jonerys fanart.

Her takes on Dany were honestly pretty hilarious in their tone deafness, which led to a lot of joking about her in my circle. She was really, really into Tyrion, which, uh, okay. The “curtain of light” theory has become pretty infamous now, and I cannot emphasize enough how seriously it was taken by some of the BNFs on tumblr. Big BNF poorquentyn (is he still around? Didn’t he convert to Jonsa at one point?) responded a lot to JoLa and nobodysuspectsthebutterfly back in the day.

I’ve screenshotted some of my favorite posts, most of which are from like 2015-2018.

I mean come on, Dany and Jon bang and have baby Drogo to save the world beyond the curtain of light? SPECTACULAR. I wish I was on those drugs.

And it’s amazing because on one hand I’m like “yes! The power of love as humanity’s greatest strength is a theme of ASOIAF!” And on the other hand I’m like “and where do Dany and Tyrion come into this at all????”

Beloved, read a single Sam chapter, I’m begging.

My personal favorite is how she justifies Dany ditching Meereen after she’s wrecked the place. Look, slavery was an inherently unsustainable system, and Dany did everyone a favor by wrecking everything and then flinching off.

Which, like yes, Dany did a good thing by trying to end slavery but also it’s a millennia old system??? It’s pretty stable, and Dany hasn’t really done a great job implementing change, and things are going to be way worse after she leaves, and any positive changes aren’t going to come at her hands. (and also has she really ended slavery? really, really?)

The Titanic comparison????? AMAZING. 

Dany is the lifeboat come to save the entire world. 

The best part is by far the tags

NEVER SAY THE BNFS DIDN’T GIVE US ANYTHING.

I loved these tags so much that one of the lovelies on the Jonsa discord made me this back in the day.

SHE’s SHOOTING STAR<3

THERE ONE MOMENT, GONE THE NEXT BUT FOREVER WONDEROUS TO BEHOLD

Who needs permanent political change, long lasting growth, and tree planting when you could have her <3

She can’t stay and actually fix any problems, she has a continent to set on fire and a curtain of light to fuck under. 

It’s crazy how such wildly different interpretations can come about from the same text, and it’s rather satisfying to me personally that I am in fact not crazy and what I was seeing the narrative is actually there.

The Tyrion humping and the refusal to acknowledge that maybe magic nukes bad actually are what cracked me up to no end.

Yes, the real enemy is the cold, but also maybe Fire and Blood is not the end-all be-all solution???? Like, just think about it for more than five seconds. Did the chapters about the destructiveness of fire mean nothing to you? Did WF, the home of the heroes at the heart of the story, going up in flames ring no bells???? Did Arya’s escape from a fire described like a dragon, where she desperately kissed the mud when she realized she was still alive not set off any alarms???? Literally anything that has to with trees??? No? Okay.

I cannot even begin to unravel her Bran takes, so I’m not going to try. 

And lest I forget, JoLa also supported Sansan and even Creepyfinger at various points, sooooooo. I took her assertions that she’s a big Sansa fan with a pile of salt.

But nobody go harass JoLa’s account please. The only reason I’m talking about this is because it was literally years ago at this point, and she’s moved on and I’m reminiscing about the horrible old days. JoLa was actually a pretty civil and nice person (I think it was nobodywhosuspectsthebutterfly who was the combative one), if very silly and wrong. 

[sleepyhollo]

MORE

Time for more, yes yes! This hyperfixation is kicking my AAAAA- Some of these might be old cuz I'm a hoarder, but I have a lot of folders to go through to find the ones i think are my best AGAIN not chronological order idk why im clarifying this but oh well here i am Some of these might be old cuz I'm a hoarder, but I have a lot of folders to go through to find the ones i think are my best AGAIN not chronological order idk why im clarifying this but oh well here i am Ferngully the Parasaurolophus and her siblings/mama

Fjord the Ceratosaurus

Huron the Alioramus

Warpaint, my rex. Used this skin to simulate Vitiligo on a realism server (all my screenshots shown so far are from realism servers btw)

Baby Redwood and her mother

Suntooth the Spinosaurus and her babies

Daenerys the Sarcosuchus

I do have many more to come! Namely for 4 of my dinos i have taken the most pics of n stuff. They each deserve their own post (including Red herself), so that will be coming soon!

[sesame-sim]

ENDING - Have now stopped playing The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa. It was the book that entered my bookish sim save before Unmarriageable and I never posted it here because I knew it was about to end anyway. I dragged it out as long as I could since I got attached. But here's a look back.

SYNOPSIS: Things are disappearing from the island where a young female writer lives and the Memory Police make sure people don't remember the disappeared objects. The writer tries to protect her editor from being taken by the Memory Police. With the help of an old man, she creates a hideaway spot inside her house and keeps him there.

Oh and I heard that Charlie Kaufman is writing a screenplay for an Amazon adaptation of this!

RECAP PART 1

*Please keep in mind, things are bound to stray at times from the book since in sims some things happen by chance.

The house is from the gallery. Back then I didn't edit screenshots much. When I started this book playthrough, it was early 2020, predating Snowy Escape, so that's why I didn't place it in Mt. Komorebi. I used the island in Windenburg.

Bedroom of the girl, unnamed in the book but named Aki in my save. She grows up to become the main character.

I love the tiny little bathing pool that house came with.

The mom was an artist/sculptor who worked in their basement. In the basement she kept some things hidden away which are supposed to get disappeared from the island. Because Aki was curious and looked through things in the basement, she also knows some items that are supposed to be forgotten.

In the book the unnamed main character did not have a sister, but in my game the parents had a 2nd child, Momiji, due to their autonomous woohoo.

Then one day while the kids were in school and the dad at work, the memory police came and took away the mom. They never saw her again.

Dad did the best he could raising the girls alone...but...

...eventually he is taken by the memory police the same way the mother was. 13 year old Aki is left to take care of herself and her 8 year old sister. Their former nanny comes to check on them sometimes, even taking them out to eat. Aki starts writing some stories to make money.

And so the years went on. At some point, a married couple named Ryuu and Rie move into Windenburg. The husband is an editor. I think in the book he was just called R. And Aki, now 19 becomes a full-time writer. R is given the task of mentoring her. The two have great discussions over the work and a lot of respect for one another.

Meanwhile, the girls' former nanny died. She had a pregnancy at an older age and due to complications both she and the baby did not make it. Tom, the husband of the former nanny starts helping Aki and Momiji sometimes. I think he was just called The Old Man in the book. Aki gives him gifts such as a home-cooked meals. I think they need his help and he needs them because he is lonely.

One night, a Prof. Ishikawa suddenly comes to the house with his family. He is an old colleague of their parents. He warns them that the intelligentsia is disappearing because of the memory police so they are quietly relocating in the night.

After the prof's warning, Aki tries to prevent R from being taken. She has secretly developed feelings for him during their time working together. She tells him she and the old man have devised a plan to keep him out of harm's way. You can see the slightly crazed desperation on her face lol.

Will make a part 2 to the recap tomorrow since I didn't realize it'd be so long.

[kosmonauttihai]

Some of my favorites of the screenshots I’ve taken on raptor nestcam streams in the 2022 nesting season. Warning for prey in view in some screenshots, though not nearly as much as in the previous post.

Cornell Red-tailed hawk nest - Parents Big Red and Arthur, and chicks L1, L2, L3, and L4.

1. L4 and L1 sitting up with their big feet in front of them. L2 stretching a leg next to them, L3 behind them next to mom.

2. L2 allopreens L4.

3. A bundle of baby buzzard. L2 left, L1 back, L3 right, L4 middle.

4. Another bundle. I love when they just merge into a puddle of fluff. L1 on the left is almost four weeks old. L2 at the back with head towards L1, L3 at the front facing the other way, and L4 again in the middle of the pile, using L3′s head as pillow.

5. L4 and L1 tracking something together.

6. L4 and L3 back, L1 and L2 front.

7. L1 (right) is learning to self-feed, and ends up accidentally feeding its younger siblings like a parent bird for a while. L1 tears a piece from the prey, and L2 (left) and L4 (lying down) grab it from L1′s beak before L1 gets to eat it. Better learn to guard your food next.

8. L1 closeup.

9. L1 back, L3 left, L2 right, L4 front. The chicks are between 3-4 weeks old, with L1 getting close to 5 weeks, and all but little L4 have started getting that beautiful orange on the front of their plumage.

10. L3 closeup.

Bonus: tracking a bumblebee:

L1, L3, L2 front. L4 behind them hasn’t noticed yet.

[crackheadgeminibby]

Could you write something 'bout Chris congratulating yn in public and privately 'cause it's mother's day and she's dodger's mom? 🥺

mother's day

pairing: chris evans x female!black!reader

warnings: age gap, language, fluff

word count: 1.5k

a/n: i love this idea so much, thanks for giving me the opportunity to write it🤍

i do not consent to my work being copied in any way, shape or form or reposted on any other platform

picture credit: @chrisevans on instagram

You groan softly, before turning around and stopping your alarm.

It’s Sunday, which normally meant no alarm and sleeping in, but you had plans. Today is Mother’s Day. You normally spent it with your mother going out for brunch, shopping, going to the movies, etc. but in the last year, you had moved in with Chris and he lived really far away from your parents’ house. You had told your mom that you were going to call her, first thing this morning, to make up for not being able to be with her.

Since you were in Boston with Chris, you were going to be spending Mother’s Day at his mom’s house. This meant a big dinner, but it also meant you had to make some food to take it there.

Every single time you went to Lisa’s house, you always brought something whether it was a meal, dessert, wine or a gift. And every single time you brought something, she said you didn’t have to do that. You couldn’t help it though; it was just how you were raised. Your parents always told you to never show up empty-handed when someone invited you to their home and that’s exactly what you did.

Today, you were making apple pie for dessert which meant fresh apples and going to the grocery store right at the opening.

Rubbing your eyes, you push the covers off your body and walk to the ensuite bathroom. While brushing your teeth, you take your phone and open Instagram. The first post you see is one that Scott posted a couple of minutes ago. The first picture is a collage of a bunch of pictures of him and his mom. You smile softly at their smiles in the pictures. Sliding, you see other collages with pictures of Scott’s friends and their kids. You double-click on the post, leaving a like, and slide down to the second post. Of course, it’s Chris’ post to his mom. The first picture is an old picture of them holding each other and smiling. You slide and see that the second picture is from when he took her to the Winter Soldier premiere. You double-click again, liking the post. You’re about to put your phone down to take a shower but see a bunch of notifications appearing on your screen.

Confused, you refresh your Instagram feed and see a new post by Chris appearing at the top. You frown, seeing yourself from the back in the first picture. You slide down to the caption and gasp softly as you read it: “Also, happy Mother’s Day to this beautiful woman! We may not have any babies but you sure as hell are Dodger’s mom. Kinda hate that he likes you more than me now but it’s okay because I love you💙”

You smile as you go through the pictures he posted. The first one is a picture you didn’t even know he had taken from when Dodger, Chris and you had gone on a picnic a couple of days ago. The second is a pretty dark and blurry picture that he obviously hid to take. You recognize the angle being from the entrance of the living room. You were laying on the couch, engulfed in a fluffy blanket, with Dodger laying in front of you, his head resting on your stomach. You smile softly, remembering that day.

It was a couple of months ago and you were on your period. You normally didn’t have really big cramps but the stress you were feeling had intensified them and you were almost unable to move. When Chris had come back from work, seeing you laying on the couch in pain, he had gone right back out to get you a bunch of food to satisfy your cravings and half a dozen hot compresses because he wasn’t sure which one you would like.

Chuckling softly, you slide to the last picture, slightly cringing at your appearance. It was a screenshot from a FaceTime call, right after you had moved in with Chris. He had to leave for a few weeks to film and you were alone with Dodger, who always wanted to see Chris before you hung up. In the picture, you had clearly just woken up and were laughing, probably at something Chris said, with half of Dodger’s face mid-bark in the frame.

You like the post and scroll through a couple of comments, some nice, others not so much, before putting your phone down.

While in the shower, your mind goes back to a conversation you had with Chris recently. It was after your first big fight.

Everyone knew Chris wanted kids and you obviously did too. But he had brought it up accusingly when you were exhausted and anxious and you had blurted out that you didn’t want kids. It wasn’t really the truth because you did want kids. And you wanted them with Chris, but you weren’t ready. After you had said that, you had a screaming match with Chris that ended up with you sleeping in the guest room, not that much sleeping was done. Halfway through the night, Chris had knocked on the door, asking if you were awake, and you talked to each other, explaining both of your viewpoints: you felt like you weren’t ready to be a good mom to a child because you were still dealing with trauma from when you were younger, and Chris felt like his clock was running out. After talking to each other, you had settled on kids in the near future, but not right now.

Getting dressed after your shower, you think about the fact that you hadn’t heard a peep from Chris since you had woken up. Considering it was Sunday and Mother’s Day, you knew he couldn’t have scheduled a meeting today. He sometimes ran or worked out on Sundays, but you had been up for almost 2 hours now.

Walking to the kitchen, you open your Messages app, ready to send him a text asking where he is when you hear, “Dodge, stop, let it go.”

Frowning, you start deleting the message when you hear, “Happy Mother’s Day!”

You shriek, startled, before letting out, “Holy shit!”

You look up at the dining room that is completely decorated. There are colorful banners all around the walls and the table is filled with food from waffles and pancakes to fruits and drinks. Finally, Chris and Dodger are standing in the corner of the room in front of balloons that spell out “MMO❤️”. You frown, tilting your head. Chris’s smile falters as he turns around, groaning, “Dodger, I told you to stop moving the balloons.”

He turns around completely, arranging the balloons to say “MOM❤️” and turns back around, saying, “Ta-da!”

You laugh loudly before walking to Chris, hugging him.

“When did you have time to do all this?”

Chris smiles, holding your waist, before yawning and saying, “I got up at like 6 to make all the food and then I got the balloons when the mall opened at 8.”

You wrap your arms around Chris before kissing his cheek.

“Well, thank you, I love it. And I love you.”

You bite your bottom lip, flicking your eyes down to his lips, before leaning towards him. Chris smirks, letting his hand slide to your butt cheek, softly squeezing it before you hear a small whine. You stop moving, slowly looking down. Dodger looks up at you with his big brown eyes, rubbing his snout on your leg.

You smile softly, letting go of Chris before bending down and petting his head.

“You want some love too, huh, Dodge?”

You rub the back of Dodger’s ears, hearing a click sound. You turn around, seeing Chris with his phone in his hand. You smile, saying, “Did you just take a picture?”

Chris smiles softly, “No?”

You chuckle, sitting down and gesturing at Chris to join you. Chris takes one of your hands in his and pets Dodger with the other. You alternate looking at Chris and Dodger before sighing and cupping Chris’ face in your hands. You kiss him softly, leaning back and saying, “I love you, baby.”

Chris smiles softly, replying, “I love you too.”

You look down, sighing softly. Chris lifts your head up, giving you a knowing look, “What’s wrong, baby?”

You chuckle at how perfectly he knows you.

“I know I said I wasn’t ready, but I think maybe I am.”

Chris’ smile widens slowly before he says, “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

You nod your head excitedly and Chris lunges at you, tackling you to the ground, planting kisses all over your face. You laugh softly, hearing Dodger bark, before he excitedly starts jumping around Chris and you.

Chris leans back slightly before whispering, “You’re gonna be the best mom, I just know it.”

You smile softly, kissing his cheek and wrapping your arms around him.

[dimonds456]

*sees your tags about being salty about suf spinel*

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT AND NOT SHARE YOUR SALT /LH

Okay, but I'm warning you, you asked for it.

LONG POST WARNING.

LIKE A REALLY, REALLY LONG POST WARNING.

Dimonds456 Presents: How They Did My Baby Dirty: An SUTM and SUF Analysis on Steven and Spinel (Told by a Progressively More and More Angry Narrator)

THE CONTEXT: There was a post talking about how you think a character will fix everything, but then they wind up making it works. My tags were "#*looks at suf spinel* #I am still salty about that like the bitch I am fghdjskgfa"

Grab some water, guys.

Let's start by talking about Steven for a moment. In the original show, when we were following him as a 12-14-year-old, we watched as he built up trauma and then learned how to hide it expertly well, to the point that most of the audience didn't even realize he was struggling.

You can actually pinpoint the seconds he makes those decisions, too. The best example is in "The Test," when he's storming up to the gems. He's pissed. His fists are clenched, he's got that anime eye shadow overlay on his face, he's frowning, all that. the Crystal Gems are clapping for him and lying to his face, and he KNOWS they are because he overheard them talking about how it was "impossible for him to fail" that test (- Garnet).

And yet... he also overheard them saying that they're just trying their best. They don't know what he needs. They never really have. No one is sure. So, Steven realizes that by picking a fight, he would just be making it worse for them because they would know they messed up, and nothing gets solved, and everyone gets more depressed and Amethyst and Pearl go back to fighting each other and- well, you get the picture. He doesn't have a full understanding of what's going on, so his kid brain went "so I can either be angry at them and cause problems, or I can tell them I did a good job to make them happy."

"I can lie to make them happy."

He storms down there angry, still mulling this decision over. He drops to the floor, frowning and pissed, and says "I can't believe you guys." He is so close to yelling at them, and yet, when he looks up at them...

"That was so... INSANE!"

You never would have been able to tell. It was right there. That moment. And then he never stops. For the ENTIRE REST of the series, he NEVER STOPS. He puts the Crystal Gems above himself every time. Think Rose's Scabbard, The Message, The Return/Jailbreak. The Cluster. Peridot. Dealing with Jasper. The zoo arc (ESPECIALLY the zoo arc). Aquamarine. Then pretty much the entirety of Season 5.

(NOTE: I went back and rewatched that scene for the screenshot. There is a blink-and-you'll-miss-it lip tremble in there too! D,: )

He lives for the people around him, and not for himself. Almost never for himself.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's look at his maturity. People thought that was just him being mature, right? That he grew up. No. That was not it at all. He was learning from his own behaviors as well as the people around him, and building up this idea that he had to "fight to be everything that everyone wants [him] to be when [he's] grown" (- Steven, the extended intro).

Yes, he matured, but not because of that. He started making various decisions to benefit the group that oftentimes he wasn't fully comfortable with, but something he believed would be better for everyone.

Put a pin in that.

Then, later in Future, we see it all manifest. He is selfless to a fault, to the point that he can't think of himself in a positive light in the sense that he's good. We see it a couple of times, but especially in "Prickly Pair," when he vents to Cactus Steven about everything that happened. He feels useless, which is taking a toll on his mental health.

"Why do I need to be needed?" He needs to be needed because that's everything he was as a kid. His entire IDENTITY rests on his ability to help other people, no matter what happens to him. He literally sacrificed himself for them countless times (the big one of course being the Aquamarine incident), and now as a teenager, his whole sense of self is wrapped up in this need to get up and do something to make the world better.

And when he can't make the world better, his world falls apart.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's talk about Spinel, the moment we've all been waiting for.

Spinel, as a gem, was made specifically to be a friend. That is her niche, and her purpose. Her reason for existing. At first, she and Pink Diamond got along very well, as shown in the flashbacks right before Drift Away plays (I headcanon she has illusion powers and was literally projecting her trauma, but that's a completely different post).

She and Pink vibed together for who knows how long, until one day, Pink started to not like being around Spinel anymore, finding her annoying and childish. We don't know what really caused the switch, just that it did happen (but of course, I have headcanons for that, too). Spinel never realized until it was FAR too late.

Steven actually describes his younger self as annoying at one point during the Diamond Days arc, when he decides to throw the ball, so I'm legally allowed to make this comparison.

Steven and Spinel were the SAME. They were both young and dumb, and something that at least a few people found annoying. People put up with their BS though, since they cared about them. But, while Steven realized this and matured because of it (or bottled up his emotions, to each their own), Spinel never did. She never matured. She was never given a chance.

In the movie, we saw her as a child, and watched as she played with Pink and never tried to be or do anything else, to the point that Pink Diamond thought to realize she might be struggling (and maybe Spinel didn't, either!).

She lives for the people around him, and not for herself. Almost never for herself.

And when she can't be friends with this one person, her world falls apart.

Sound familiar? It should. I literally pulled from things I said earlier lol.

Spinel and Steven are mirror reflections of each other. Reset!Spinel is 14-year-old Steven, completely devoting her entire self to one idea. Steven's was helping others no matter what, Spinel's was serving Pink no matter what. Spinel is like a combination of 14 and 12-year-old Steven in this sense, honestly. Goofy, without a care in the world, except one thing: the people around her. She would do anything for Pink, just as Steven would do anything for his family.

Now, Pink Diamond left Spinel. We all know this story. She left Spins there in the garden for 6,000 years because she grew more mature and started a rebellion, effectively forgetting about this one gem she kinda stopped caring about standing there.

Personally, I don't think Pink had any malicious or even intentional intent in that, but this ain't about her. This is about how Spinel continued to sacrifice herself for Pink, even when Pink didn't need her to anymore. She wanted to please Pink 24/7, all day every day, to the point she self-sacrificed and stood perfectly still for her for millenia.

Now, back to Steven. The gems don't need him anymore in Future, right? They've all grown up and matured and headed off towards their own futures, effectively stranding him alone in terms of self-identity and self-worth. But he stays there, ready to assist at the drop of a hat, or- in Future's case- the call of a phone.

Episode 6 anyone? The one everyone says shouldn't be in Future? That it should have been cut to allow more focus on Steven himself? The fusion episode? YEAH. THAT. He is running himself RAGGED to try and help others, to give himself a purpose. He is self-sacrificing. (He's a professional, don't worry. /j)

Steven metaphorically planted his feet down and decided that he was going to devote himself to the people around him.

Spinel's feet were literally tied down soon after she made that very same decision.

Okay, enough with the backstory. Time for the salt.

In Future, Steven is at his lowest low. He is running to the Diamonds for help, to see if there is SOMETHING they can do to help him. And we first see Spinel.

Spinel has been through the ringer on a lot of the same mental problems Steven himself is facing. She self-isolated, watched as everyone grew up and left her, and then began to lash out because of it. She understands what he's going through. We even see her concerned as Steven starts to tell her why he's there.

Spinel takes him from Diamond to Diamond, until he's running out of White's room in a blind panic. Spinel is able to catch up with him, and Steven realizes the same. SHE GETS IT. He turns around and says "Hey, you used to have vengeful thoughts!"

Spinel replies "Ohhhhh yeah, but I don't have 'em anymore."

"How did you make them stop?"

She then goes on to sing Change to him, effectively cutting that conversation short.

On paper, that sounds very in-character for her. She's goofy! And that is what worked for her! But the problem is that they had to dumb her down in order to make that character decision work. In the movie, she was shown to be observant and able to put two and two together, even if she often jumps to conclusions (see her being the one to figure out that the gems needed to remember their "pieces," as she remembers the Garden, her re-realizing what Pink did, and her meltdown later when she reactivates the injector).

Spinel is smart. It should have been in character for her to realize that Steven was panicking just as she had been, and needed to be talked to gently. But no. Instead, she starts belting out Change, which given Steven's situation, would not work for him.

At the very least, she would have started doing little tricks or started trying to get him to join a game, which would have taken his mind off of it (to her anyways, that wouldn't have worked either), which then could have prompted further discussion.

Then, once they finally start talking, Spinel could have been able to share some legitimate advise. She was hurt and lashed out. What worked for her was opening up to others and letting them in, learning to trust again (which Steven also has problems with- he can't trust that the Gems won't break down the second he turns his back. Trust does NOT equal love, there is no doubt he loves them to no end), and allowing other people in.

That is what Steven needed, too. He needed to let his guard down and just talk to someone. Sure, Spinel was not going to be a fix-all, but she could have at least offered some insight on what to do.

She UNDERSTANDS him. They are a reflection of each other.

But instead of offering help, Spinel made it worse. She was dumbed down to allow the rest of Future to happen, to make Steven feel even worse. Because- and here's the kicker- because the one person who MIGHT understand him doesn't, that means there's no hope for him.

At least, that's how he sees it. And so, the denial- and "Everything's Fine"- begins.

Here's the thing, though; they DIDN'T NEED to make that decision. If the Crew wanted to have Spinel not understand Steven, then draw the line of her being a Gem from Era 1, used to the Diamonds shattering people.

Steven has killed Jasper and revived her at this point, so maybe Spinel offers that at least he's trying to get better, just like the other Diamonds! See, they're doing so great now! And then that makes him feel worse since he IS trying to do better, but is only failing, while the Diamonds- who were MADE to be nasty dictators- are doing better than him.

The Diamonds shattered a lot of people, and they're doing better than Steven, who has only shattered one person, and not even on purpose. How horrible is that?

Then boom. THERE'S your angst, with a much smarter, more helpful Spinel.

Look, I knew going in that Spinel wasn't going to be able to help. The finale had to happen somehow, and we hadn't seen Wormy Boi yet. I have always been a storng believer of the corrupted Steven theory, so I knew it was bound to happen. But I was hoping that Spinel would at least try. But she really didn't. She just brushed him off, offering really loose advise that didn't even fit his situation and thinking that would be enough.

No. It's not.

I can see where the Crew was coming from. I still love that episode, and I love seeing Spins in it (until that exact moment). This is probably the only thing in SU that genuinely gets me mad. Or, well, maybe not mad, but definitely annoyed and- you guessed it- salty.

I have an unfinished fic where I kinda delve into Spinel's head for that episode called "A New Start". If you really want my thoughts on where Spinel's head was at, there's a bit in there that really explains it. In the fic, Steven decides to rejuvenate himself and brings Spinel along with him, and that's all the context you need for this.

I cannot explain that moment in the climax of the episode, though. Maybe she thought it would make him feel better, or that maybe he really did just need to open his eyes and see the error of his ways (which doesn't make sense, he KNOWS what he did). Maybe she thought that being silly would help somehow.

But you'd think she'd learn from her time with Pink as she grew more annoyed with her, but apparently not. Or maybe she would realize for a second that being loud and annoying was bad. Or maybe she doesn't learn.

Either way, it- and she- was dumb. And they did my baby dirty.

*drops mic and walks away*

[youarejesting]

Hope in the sheets.7

[Masterlist]

Beta: N/A Pairing: Hoseok x Reader Genre: Friendship, Comedy, Soft boy, Fluff, SMUT, Friends2Lovers, Words: 4.4k

Summary: You held many titles: his neighbor, colleague, wing-man… well, more likely a wing-woman, yet most importantly, you were his best friend. You had been friends since you were born. Between the two of you, you were younger; barely, but he never let you forget it. He always seemed to ruffle your hair and tease you, which could get rather annoying but he made up for it by treating you to things.

What if a drunken one night stand between you and your best friend Hoseok leads to more complicated situations? Your reckless twenties are cut short as you find yourself suddenly responsible for something a little more.

Warning: mentions a sex tape, mentions a birth tape

[First] [Previous] [Masterlist] [Next]

 “Ah! Ah! Ah!” This videotape felt dirty, Hoseok wasn’t sure why, but he was sweaty, his heart raced, as he tried to look anywhere but at the screen. The woman on the video kept making noises and heaven forbid he look between her legs. Was it warm in here or was it just him?

“As you can see the birth canal opens up wide to let the babies head come down and out and the shoulder here is the widest part, so you have to be careful to listen to your body otherwise you may tear, so here we go these are the final pushes and then the baby will slip out—”

“Hoseok, Hoseok wake up!” You called alarmed, Hoseok opened his eyes to see you and the birth class instructor standing over him.

“Don’t worry love, there is always one in every class who faints” The woman handed over some ice, “Put this behind his neck it will help slow his heart rate, nerves sometimes get the better of the soon to be dads”

Sitting up Hoseok sat up a little embarrassed, “sorry, I didn’t mean to faint”

“No, Hobi, it’s okay I feel nauseous as hell after that video too.  That looks scary as hell I don’t think I can do it” you whined. “This class traumatized me more than it helped, and what do we get a couple of cookies and some watered down juice. 

“You are so strong and I think you can do it?” Hoseok tried to reassure you and you scoffed. 

“If you're so confident you push the baby out.” Hoseok paled again swaying on the spot and you laid him back down. “You are properly scared aren’t you?”

“I am horrified,” he laughed, “I am a big chicken”

“Honestly, I am scared too but I don’t get a choice Hobi, this baby is inside me and it has to get out somehow." you shiver after confessing the fear that had been building in the back of your mind. “If I wasn’t afraid of surgery I would install the old side door”

The gesture of a flat hand across your stomach made Hoseok smile sadly. He took your hands in his. 

“I’m sorry that you have been dreading this. I will try to be someone who can eliminate your fears, little darling momma” he kissed your head. The instructor called everyone back to the mats and began explaining how to wash a baby and how to hold a baby for the first time. 

It was a fun class but you were happy to get home and rest, biding Hoseok good night. He went quickly to his house where Jimin was sitting waiting for him with a hanging clothes bag. 

“What were you so busy doing that I had to pick up your dry cleaning?”

“Y/n’s birthing class” Hoseok's face turned grave as he adopted a serious tone. “Jimin, don’t ever go to a birthing class. I don’t think I can unsee what I saw.”

“Haha, I’m not that silly, I know where babies come from. I am glad I am a man who likes men, so I will never step foot in a birthing class unless you pay me a large fortune. I mean I could watch someone give birth for money."

Hoseok shivered, making Jimin laugh at his expense. “You look pale, so let's change the subject. I bought Yoongi's old van. He sold it for some new equipment. That means I can get rid of the junk van I was driving before.”

“Can I have your old van?” Hoseok jumped on the opportunity. 

“Uh sure, but I think it’s more money than it’s worth, you can have it for free because it needs new everything.” He shrugged “I was just going to make it scrapped metal”

“Yeah I can fix it up, I got some money lying around.” Hoseok yawned, “anyway thank you so much for getting my suit. I have my first day of work tomorrow, so I should go to bed early”

“Alright, but tomorrow night celebratory drinks for your first day?” Jimin clutched his shoulder. 

“Of course,” Hoseok laughed, waving goodbye and carrying the suit to his apartment. 

“Hey man, how was your day?” Jimin shouted from his newly acquired van from Yoongi. “Get in, we can celebrate tonight” 

Jimin drove Hoseok home under strict orders to grab a nice change of clothes so the two could get ready at his house and go out celebrating Hoseok’s new job. Hoseok took the stairs two at a time leading to his apartment, his hand brushing past your old door. He missed you. He missed having you at his work, at his home, at his leisure. You two were inseparable and yet torn apart by the stages of life.

Hoseok had assumed you both would be single and somewhere in your mid-thirties you would just get married to one another for convenience. He grabbed some clothes and found the blacklight outfit you had bought for him, he pushed it aside trying to move on for just a moment. 

Instead, he grabbed a classic black button-up and a pair of black dress pants. He placed the items in a bag and headed back down to Jimin waiting excitedly in the driver's seat. He drove them across town singing along to the radio and pulled into the driveway of a beautiful home. Jimin was a sugar baby and so he accumulated a lot of money with ease.

Jimin picked up the package by his doorstep curiously and read the name, his face broke out into a smile. Opening the box he found a beautiful pair of earrings. Hoseok paused, knowing Jimin had been talking about these types of earrings for a long time, but these ones looked handmade and a little cheap, not from a brand-name store like most of Jimin’s other clients would buy.

“They are so cute,” Jimin smiled, lifting the note, reading it aloud. “I don’t have money, so I don’t ask for much, it would just be a waste of your time. Even with this, I still want you to know that I think you are really sweet the way you always help others and never forget to share compliments to those who catch your eye. I will never forget how kind and funny, you are especially at work. The way you run your fingers through your hair unconsciously, how you pout when you think, the way you can glide across the dance floor with drinks without spilling anything. You disappear behind the bar with the cutest laugh and I am completely in love with you.”

“You have an admirer,” Hoseok looked over his shoulder at the letter before asking, “I wonder who it is?”

“I am not sure who it could be?” Jimin frowned, taking the box into a spare room filled with gifts. “They seem really nice”

Once the letter was placed carefully in the room, Jimin stepped out and decided to get dressed for the night. He paused in the doorway walking back and taking the earrings. “Even though they are cheap I think I should at least wear them.”

The two got changed and Jimin posed, “take a picture of me looking over my shoulder, so I can post a picture of the earrings on my Insta”

Hoseok picked up his phone and stepped behind Jimin, ready to take the picture of Jimin’s bare shoulder, earring, and side profile. He stopped when his phone came up with the stupid storage message.

Storage full!

You can free up space on this phone by managing your storage in settings.

“I can’t take a picture,” Hoseok sighed. “My phone storage is full”

“It’s okay, I should put on a bit of makeup to make the picture really pretty. While I do that, use my computer to plug it in and delete stuff. You can save the rest onto a USB, which you will find in the top draw. The USBs should be empty.

Hoseok watched Jimin stroll into the bathroom and thought he might as well take care of this storage issue on the phone. Plugging the device in, Hoseok began going through and deleting memes and stupid screenshots he no longer needed. He went through saving many photos of you, and videos the two of you shared together.

That's when he came across the picture of the two of you dressed in your black light outfits. Both of you looking happy together in the mirror. Hoseok saved the photo to the USB. The next was a blurry picture on the dance floor, he didn’t need that.

Deleting a range of blurred photos, Hoseok kept swiping through them until he came across a video of you and Hoseok walking home. He heard you giggling and unconsciously smiled. He honestly was so in love with you.

There were a few more blurred videos and then there was a video of you two laying in Hoseok’s bed. His heart started to race as he watched you lean down and kiss him in the video. Hoseok couldn’t remember any of this.

The next video was of you removing your dress but it continued, sometimes the phone was just left on the bed face down, at other points, it was lifted and Hoseok heard himself talking as he pointed the camera at you underneath him. “I love you.” He had filmed you while you two were having sex, “I love being inside of you too.”

Hoseok felt a little guilty, while you two were drunk he took a video of you both, not only that but he felt as if he took advantage of you. The next video was taken from behind and Hoseok felt ashamed of himself for the stirring in his pants. 

“Are you watching porn?” Jimin laughed from the next room, confused as Hoseok switched to the next video. The two of you were cuddling on your side, Hoseok being the big spoon. 

Hoseok's face fell. What had he just watched? His head was reeling with so many thoughts that he couldn’t process them fast enough. He understood that it was you in the video, and you were with him. It was that night. Were you his dream girl? “I slept with Y/n?” He blurted and like being hit with a truck he came to a shocking revelation. Hoseok shot to his feet and spoke out loud hoping it would help him make sense of the situation, “Am I, I think, I might be the father?”

“Oh, Finally!” Jimin shouted, his voice carrying into the office. “I have been waiting for you to figure it all out”

“What do you mean?” Hoseok said his stomach was feeling sick, he didn’t know if he wanted to vomit or cry. The betrayal setting in, “How did you know? DID SHE KNOW?”

Jimin stepped into the room, his lips pressed together in a thin line, with a look of pity on his face confirming Hoseok's suspicion. Hoseok got up, his eyes flashing around the room in a panic. He pushed past Jimin and grabbed the old set of keys from the countertop. Hoseok escaped and drove fast. He didn’t have a destination in mind but after a few minutes of driving he ended up at a park by Han River.

Shutting off the engine, Hoseok let his hands fall from the wheel, his head resting back against the seat, letting out a loud guttural shout. He let the tears fall freely as his sobs racked his body, every breath catching in his throat as if he was choking. 

Hoseok wanted to scream, he wanted answers. They all knew. You knew. He thought he was your best friend, someone he trusted with all his secrets, and yet you kept something this big from him. The sick feeling in his stomach grew as did his anger and frustration with the situation.

How long were you going to keep this from him? When the baby was born? When the child was eighteen? Never? He had a right to know but all he wanted to know was why. 

He left the vehicle, his phone ringing with your number but he turned it off. He walked to the nearest bar somewhere dark and quiet and he drank until he couldn’t see his hands. 

“Hey mate you have to go, come on get up.” The bartender said, nudging him with an exaggerated sigh, “Mate can I call someone to come get you?”

“No one, my best friend is a liar, she is pregnant and didn’t even tell me it is my child,” Hoseok mumbled into the table. The bartender sighed again reaching into his pocket, “Who do you want me to call mate?”

“No need to call, I will go,” he said, pulling out his keys only to have them snatched from his hand. Hoseok turned to see Yoongi grabbing Hoseok’s things and thanking the bartender. “What do you want?”

“I got a distressed call from Y/n she is hysterical, I have checked in every bar and searched the nearby streets for Jimin’s old van. Yoongi threw the keys to Jimin who was waiting by the abandoned van and Yoongi scooped Hoseok inside.

Hoseok woke as Yoongi turned the key in the ignition they were headed for his home, but Hoseok had other plans. “You knew didn’t you?” Hoseok growled, “Take me to her."

“Not in this state?” Yoongi said definitely. “You are going to sober up, and then tomorrow you can speak with her.”

“You take me there right now, or I will get out of this car and go there myself!” Hoseok demanded, attempting to remove his seatbelt.

“Alright, alright sit down, I will take you to see her, but if you raise your voice at her I will knock you out and drag you back to your apartment." Yoongi turned to Hoseok with a menacing glare. "Do you understand?”

He nodded needing answers and he wasn't going to stop until you gave them to him. They pulled up outside your home and as he walked to the door he felt as if his legs were weak, ready to give way. He knocked with shaking hands.

He didn’t have to wait long for you to pull open the door eyes pink and swollen from your own tears.

"Hobi, I-" 

"Please don’t talk, you had your chance. This whole time, and you didn’t… You didn’t tell me, little darling.” His voice cracked as he held up a hand to stop you, “it’s my turn to talk, you can listen to me.”

He watched you wipe the tears away, he wanted to comfort you, you were his closest friend. He loved you so much and couldn’t bear to see you upset. “You knew we had sex, you knew what we did and you hid that from me, you fell pregnant and you hid that from me?”

“I told you when I lost my virginity, I told you when I scratched my dad’s car, I told you when I took money from my fathers wallet, or when I stole your homework. I told you when I was moving from home, I told you everything good and bad.” Hoseok pulled out the phone and played the video, the sounds of you two together filling the air. “But you couldn’t tell me, your best friend, that we did this? That I might be the father of this baby?”

“Hobi, I wanted to tell you I was-” Your tears were relentless and it looked like the weight of the world was crushing you with guilt. You looked lost, he knew there must be so much you wanted to say and explain but the words escaped you. All you could think to do was apologize, like some sort of animatronic doll with one function.

“Wanted to tell me isn’t telling me,” he frowned. “Say it, is this baby mine?”

“Yes, you are the father?” You whimpered, holding your stomach. Hoseok didn’t feel better. He didn’t feel better confronting you or getting the truth. He didn’t feel better watching you cry. “I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. You are all I have Hobi, and I love you.”

“I thought I loved you too. I thought I really truly loved you, that even though I wasn’t the father, I would step in if I could. It turns out the woman I fell in love with is nothing but a liar.” Hoseok turned away unable to see your face contort in pain from the words he was saying, “I am disappointed in you. You said you wanted to grow up, but this is so immature”

Demanding to leave, Yoongi took Hoseok and headed to the van once more, hoping that the two of you could rebuild your relationship. It was painfully obvious that you both were painfully in love, so much so, that it was breaking your hearts more to fight with one another, than over whatever the fight was about.

You had spent the rest of the night crying until pure exhaustion took over your body and you fell asleep. No matter how many times you texted or called you got no response. You had left almost fifteen voicemails before you became too hysterical to speak. You were emotional and trying your hardest not to break down long enough for you to think things through. 

It took four days and sitting in the bottom of the shower for ten minutes before you came to a decision. Even before Hoseok knew he was the father, you had planned to do it on your own. You weren't weak and you knew for certain that you would be okay. You had planned to raise this child as a single mother, you had hoped to tell Hoseok before all this happened, but you had planned for it just in case something like this did happen.

You could do this without Hoseok, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt, that you weren't mourning the relationship you had lost. You picked yourself up and put on a brave face crying only when you were alone as you single-handedly funded Ben and Jerry's company with the amount of ice cream you consumed.

You arrived at the next prenatal appointment. You watched all the couples cooing at their bellies and the little sonogram photos, as you sat alone quietly rubbing your belly and thinking how much you loved this child.

It strengthened your bond between you and your baby. You were working hard at your job, not ready to go on maternity leave as you didn’t know how financially stable you would be. You also worried because, without the distractions of work, you realized how alone you truly were and how much you missed Hoseok.

You wanted nothing more than to go back in time and take it all back. You wanted to get the courage and tell him. You would give anything to wake up beside him the morning after and just let yourselves deal with the aftermath.

Your mother's words echoed in your head, only able to be drowned out by the sound of your baby's heartbeat through the doppler, as the ultrasound technician measured your sweet little baby girl.

She had done no wrong and deserved only good things. It was on your way home from the scan that you decided to enter the baby boutique. You knew you were filling a Hoseok shaped void in your chest but you didn’t care, purchasing clothes, socks and shoes, and a tiny beanie all in mint green, white, or grey. At the checkout, you saw a small personal travel doppler for eighty dollars. It wasn’t as strong or as reliable as the one at the clinic but you bought it anyway. 

It was the first thing you did when you got home, you put the gel on your stomach and pressed the doppler to your tummy, and listened to the tiny heartbeat and the swishing of the umbilical cord. The tears didn’t stop and that heartbeat in your belly was the mantra to which you swore to live your new life.

You were no longer living for yourself, you were living for your daughter, whom you loved so dearly. You stopped looking for Hoseok through the seventh and moved into the eighth month of your pregnancy feeling semi-okay.

Called by the marketing director to meet with the client, you followed him with documents, “Why did you pick me?” you asked

“You are the only one fit for this job,” He said, which made you feel odd, surely the pregnant lady wasn’t the first choice. However, you obeyed his orders, grabbed your coat, and followed to the restaurant where you were met with an unbelievable sight. 

There was Hoseok standing by a beautiful woman dressed in a suit. Not only was it a punch to the chest, but it also left you self-conscious, resembling a chocolate egg. The way your body was so rotund did not do wonders for one's self-esteem.

Hoseok didn’t notice you until you stepped up to the table, your director announcing your arrival and greeting the young woman with a kiss on each cheek. “This is my hardest working assistant Miss Y/n,” The director said and you wondered again why he had chosen you to accompany him to the meeting.

“Well let’s get to business” the client smiled. You sat at the table and they brought out menus. “I will have the salmon en papillote, with a nice chardonnay.” 

“I will have the same,” the marketing director said, attempting to look cool but you weren’t so sure.

“We will have the Steak au Poivre, I will take medium rare and she will have hers well done. What is in the side salad?” Hoseok asked and you looked up over the menu shocked by his audacity.

“We use a mesclun mix for its various colors and textures, with Lebanese cucumbers and avocado for a fresh and creamy taste and a drizzle of classic french vinaigrette” the waiter smiled politely. 

“Skip the salads and instead vegetables would be preferable for both.” Hoseok closed the menu and looked up, the waiter looked at you for confirmation and you nodded handing over the menu.

“Have you two met before?” The client asked curiously and Hoseok shook his head, “It’s just you ordered for her?”

“She is pregnant so the best meat option is beef well cooked, and the salad would most likely make her sick due to the acidity in the vinaigrette.” Hoseok continued,  “the vegetables, though plain, will be easier to handle and will benefit her better than a salad. It is something I learned in a birthing class once”

“Yeah, and you haven’t been back since.” You scoffed, drinking your water trying to calm yourself so you didn’t explode with anger.

“I didn’t think I had to, seeing as I am not the father of any children.” He said dryly back and you stood up throwing the napkin at him, tears welling up in your eyes. You didn’t care if he didn’t like you and refused to acknowledge your presence ever again, but saying that about your child was not okay.

“You take that back, Hoseok." You almost shouted but restrained yourself due to the setting, Hoseok didn’t appear to move and you tilted your head back and took a shaky breath. “I am sorry, it seems I am feeling ill, allow me to leave first”

You stepped out the door and headed down the road trying to find a cab when a hand grabbed your arm. Disappointed when it turned out to be the marketing director. “I rescheduled our meeting, I am sorry, you had to deal with something like this, it must be stressful being so pregnant”

He touched your belly and you were a little uncomfortable. This man was a little too interested in your pregnancy. At first, you thought he was just a nice boss who was looking out for you, but it was clear he had some strange thoughts running through his mind.

When he said he would drive you home, you told him you had an appointment. Even then he was determined to take you to the appointment, but you waved down a cab and jumped in quickly. You arrived at Jin and Tonic for a much-needed appointment.

“I want a drink” you sighed and Seokjin gave you water and you looked up seriously. I want an actual drink Jin, I am going through the worst year of my life.”

“Worse than the time you tried to become a volunteer at a homeless center, where some weird lady cut chunks out of your hair, so you had to shave it off?"

"Then you got into a fight with Hoseok because he drew an arrow on your head while you were sleeping and everyone called you Aang,” Jimin added as he shed his small jacket, showing off a pretty choker chain necklace with a rose pendant. “Cause you said that was the worst year of your life.”

“This is worse,” you said. “At least I was the one angry at Hobi and I forgave him quickly, now he is angry at me and even denied being the father of our baby. That’s not even the worst of it. My boss has some sort of pregnancy fetish and keeps trying to touch my belly and I am not here for it”

“Pregnancy fetish?”

“It’s not sexy, I am swollen from the neck down, I couldn’t see my feet this morning. I just hope I wore the same shoes. My bladder is so squished I am peeing all the time, I am hormonal and sweaty, and I can’t fit into my favorite pajamas.” The hysterical sobbing was muffled by the bar and it made Jimin giggle behind his hand. He walked around to give you a hug and Jin presented you with an ice cream sundae in an effort to cheer you up.

“Dance with me, pretty lady,” Yoongi said, finishing his drink and taking your hand. He led you to the dance floor where you were slow dancing like you used to. “You are still as pretty as always. Okay, you may not feel beautiful right now due to all those things, but I promise that you are.”

“Thanks, Yoongi.” You tried to get close enough to hug Yoongi but your belly prevented you from doing so, he stepped behind you and wrapped his arms around you slipping his hands under your belly and swaying. He was trying to take some of the weight to relieve some pressure on your back. “You are amazing,”

“I am, aren't I.” He laughed, swaying you softly.

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[ayuuria]

Yashahime Translation: Animage Magazine March 2021 Issue

Please do not repost this translation without my consent! This includes screenshots of any type and amount. If you wish to share this translation, simply link to this post.

For more information regarding the use of my translations, click here.

The Two Beast Kings

At his daughters’ crisis, Sesshōmaru makes his satisfied appearance! It appears he has some kind of connection with Kirinmaru but their intentions are still unclear. In what way will the two beast kings be involved in the fate of the Yashahimes?

While chasing Tōtetsu who is the last of the Four Perils, Towa, Setsuna, and Moroha finally confront Kirinmaru. The three of them are overwhelmed by Kirinmaru’s immense power. Saving the girls from a desperate situation was none other Sesshōmaru. The impact of the clash between the two great demons shook the earth and was put to an end in a moment. While Towa and others are left pondering what the relationship between Sesshōmaru and Kirinmaru is, they somehow managed to survive the fierce battle.

The spirit of the Tree of Ages considers Kirinmaru’s existence as one that should be killed. However, looking at his actions, they do not seem to be simply “evil”. Kirinmaru intended to defeat Towa, Setsuna, and Moroha as they were “the half-demons who would take his head”. However, he could’ve buried the three with one strike of his overwhelming strength. It appeared as though he was not taking the battle seriously in episode 18.

On the other end, although Sesshōmaru saved the girls from a crisis, it looked as though he was not truly hostile towards Kirinmaru. The meaning behind Kirinmaru’s words to Sesshōmaru “I will still have you work for me” puts a weight on one’s mind.

The relationship of the two beast kings who bare many mysteries. It might be a little longer before the full picture behind their motives becomes visible.

Character Bios

Sesshōmaru A proud, ruthless greater demon whose father is the Dog General. Towa and Setsuna’s father. (A man of) very few words, he does not show his thoughts for the most part.

Kirinmaru A beast king on par with the Dog General. He was in a long slumber but was awakened by his elder sister, Zero. Apparently, he’s trying to destroy this world to a degenerate state.

Jaken A small demon who serves under Sesshōmaru. Cowardly but helpful, he placed upon himself the role of child rearing and caretaker to Towa and Setsuna who had been taken from their mother not a moment after being born.

Rin Towa and Setsuna’s mother. She accompanied Sesshōmaru for a long time as a child and has faith in him. For some reason, she is currently sleeping within the Tree of Ages.

Higurashi Towa In order to save Setsuna who had her memories and dreams stolen, she searches for the Dream Butterfly. Her explosive power when Setsuna was driven to a corner was enough to leave a scratch on Kirinmaru.

Setsuna Even in the feudal era she sometimes plays the violin she borrowed from Mama Moe. The details on how she came to wield her favorite naginata, Kanemitsu no Tomoe, will become clear?

Moroha Although she is Inuyasha and Kagome’s daughter, in order to escape Kirinmaru, she was placed in the care of the wolf demon tribe in her early childhood. She carries the sword Kurikaramaru, which she received from her master, Yawaragi.

The Mystery Behind Sesshōmaru’s Actions

14 years ago, Sesshōmaru took a newborn Towa and Setsuna from Rin and sheltered them in the forest of the Tree of Ages in order to keep them away from Zero and Kirinmaru. However, 4 years after that when Zero burned the forest, Sesshōmaru tolerated her actions. The intentions behind what he is thinking is unreadable.

The Dream Butterfly and Rin

The Dream Butterfly steals Setsuna’s dreams and takes them to Rin who is sleeping within the Tree of Ages. It seems Kirinmaru has something to do with the actions of that Dream Butterfly. What is Kirinmaru’s “profound plan” regarding the Dream Butterfly that Konton of the Four Perils spoke of? And what is the reason behind Rin’s slumber?

Moroha’s Master

Yawaragi, the wolf demon who trained Moroha who was separated from her parents and raised by the wolf demon tribe. The of two them broke their ties 3 year ago but reunited due to Konton’s trap and fight each other as teacher and student. During that battle, Yawaragi explains to Moroha how to fight without becoming Beniyasha. Putting her life on the line, she bestows upon Moroha the grand technique “Crimson Backlash Wave”.

The One Who Will Defeat the Beast King

The prophecy the Shikon Jewel once told Kirinmaru was “(The one who will destroy Kirinmaru) will be one who is neither human nor demon and can impossibly traverse time”. He seems to think it refers to Towa, Setsuna, and Moroha but the difference in strength between the three of them and Kirinmaru is obvious. Presently, it would probably be difficult for the girls to defeat Kirinmaru.

Inheriting the World of “Inuyasha”, Director Satō Teruo

Following the “Inuyasha” Rule for Shot Divisions and Presentation

— Director Satō, please tell us first the details of how you became involved in this current work.

Satō: “Inuyasha” was the first work I took part in as a freelance producer and it also taught me the fundamentals of production. Afterwards, I was the assistant director for “Inuyasha The Final Act” and because of that, they reached out to me this time asking, “We’re going to make a work that inherits the world of “Inuyasha”. Would you be interested?”.

— As a work that inherits the world of “Inuyasha”, what points do you place importance on?

Satō: Among the viewers of this work, there will of course be those who watched “Inuyasha” but reversely, I think there will be those who come to know of “Inuyasha” through “Hanyō no Yashahime”. I intentionally created the work so that when these people reach the point of wondering “What kind of work is “Inuyasha”?”, they’ll get the same taste (as “Hanyō no Yashahime”).

There’s also a task for “Hanyō no Yashahime” to “Inform the generation that doesn’t know “Inuyasha” that there’s a wonderful work by Takahashi Rumiko-sensei called “Inuyasha”.” Just like “Great Detective Conan” that’s also on Yomiuri TV, families can enjoy (the work) together as parents become nostalgic and the children have a fresh feeling. From there, it would be great if the children are told “There’s a work called “Inuyasha”.”

For that reason, I felt that I wanted to depict the characters that were carried over from “Inuyasha” in a way that didn’t feel off as much as possible. The serialization for the original work “Inuyasha” ran for 12 years and the anime continued for 4½ years, so I think everyone has a complete image of each of the characters within themselves. I’m conscious of trying to stick to that set image people have of “This person was this kind of character.” as much as possible.

— Director Satō, you were directly in charge of the storyboard for episodes 1, 2, 4, and 6. What sort of things are you mindful of as you create the images?

Satō: In “Inuyasha”, there was something like an ““Inuyasha” rule” for shot divisions and presentation. I wanted “Hanyō no Yashahime” to inherit those rules. Episode 1 for the most part depicted “Inuyasha” since then so we couldn’t exactly break away from that rule. However, starting from episode 2, if we suddenly used a different shot division method that feels as though it’s from a different work, the viewers probably wouldn’t be able to follow along. Thus, in order to show that rule from the start, I did as much of the storyboard as I could myself.

— What kind of rule is it exactly?

Satō: For example, how Inuyasha releases the “Wind Scar”. Also, I was frequently asked “Tessaiga is always written with dokkun (translator’s note: pulsing sound effect) but what is the “dokkun disposition”?” or “What is “mokomoko”?”. The pulsing Tessaiga does when it transforms is what we call the “dokkun disposition”. The “mokomoko” refers to the fluff that Sesshōmaru trails behind him. There are people who call the fluffy scarf worn during events like the coming-of-age ceremony “Sesshōmaru’s Mokomoko” and we call it “Mokomoko” at the production site too (laughs). Conversely, there are many people who give Setsuna’s mokomoko the same volume as Sesshomaru’s like in the “Inuyasha” era, and I remember at the beginning (animation character designer) Hishinuma Yoshihito-san was always correcting them like, “Please make hers more subdued than her father’s”.

— How do you do the shot divisions?

Satō: We use a sort of old-fashioned method of shot division that’s different from the current trend. Currently, there’s a lot of finely chopped, speedy shot divisions and while cutting battle scenes short is easier, we purposely make it one continuous shot so that the battle is endless. My thought process is that I want there to be traces of “Inuyasha” in that part of the screen.

Even the Effects Have Traces of the Parent Generation

— You spoke of Setsuna’s mokomoko but does she herself know of her father’s mokomoko?

Satō: I don’t think she knows. The clothes were probably given to her by her caretaker, Jaken, like “Let’s have you wear this” (laughs). Towa and Setsuna were named by Rin in episode 15 but they were babies, so they didn’t know. Probably while Jaken was in charge of educating them, he told them “You’re Towa and you’re Setsuna.”

— We heard that Moroha’s clothes is the same as Inuyasha’s “Robe of the Fire Rat”.

Satō: Yes. Just like the “Armor of the Iron Rat” that appeared in episode 16, it is made of fabric from the fire rat. Inuyasha himself is inside the black pearl and Moroha was left in the care of the wolf demon tribe, so Inuyasha couldn’t give the clothes to Moroha. However, I think the wolf demon tribe probably got their hands on something similar somewhere.

— What is the reason for Towa’s clothes being a school uniform?

Satō: It’s probably Towa’s own uniform for living in the feudal era (translators note: basically, it’s her way of dressing for the times). Her reason for dressing as a boy is because “It’s easier to fight in” after all, and it’s something I discussed with Takahashi Rumiko-sensei and (Series Composition) Sumisawa Katsuyuki-san many times. As to why we made her core like that. First, starting from her being a child that avoids the standard femininity, we came up with all sorts of thoughts like “Why not just give her an appearance with a Kyary Pamyu Pamyu like originality”. From within (those ideas), it was Takahashi Rumiko-sensei who came up with “It’s easier to fight in”. She said, “Rather than having a complex reason, wouldn’t a simple reason like this be easier to for the people watching to understand?”. That’s how Towa’s appearance and character were solidified.

— Towa’s weapon is also a little different. What she thought was the national treasure, Kikujyūmonji, was actually a fake, and she creates a blade with her demonic power at the part where it broke.

Satō: That part is probably also Sumisawa-san’s sense. Turning the broken sword into a demon sword. Even though she once obtained the real thing through Riku, the result was that she continued to wield the fake one. I think that part makes things more entertaining.

In a sense, “Inuyasha” was also a story about a sword’s growth. Inuyasha’s Tessaiga absorbs the demonic energy of demons it cuts and turns many techniques into its own. On the other hand, Sesshōmaru created the weapon, Bakusaiga, from within himself. Whether Setsuna inherited that or not is something to look forward to going ahead.

— How did you create the techniques for the three?

Satō: There are various techniques such as Setsuna’s “Scrouge of Swallows” and “Cyclone Burst” and Moroha’s “Crimson Dragon Wave”. The creation was basically Sumisawa-san coming up with the (kanji) characters and us coming up with how to portray them. We had the photographers match the shade and disposition of the effects to the parent generation and lineage. Towa and Setsuna have the same blue and green as Sesshōmaru and Moroha has the same yellow effect as Inuyasha’s “Wind Scar”.

We Want Towa and Everyone to be Happy

— Of the episodes that have aired thus far, which one in particular left an impression on you?

Satō: Episode 15 where Riku talked about the past. It was an episode that was related to the crux of the story and I think it was a crossroad of the past. The fact that it only appears as flashbacks to the three princesses who are the lead characters is characteristic. It was to the point that I was surprised on the day of the recording like “Oh, they’re not here!”. For this episode, we had Yamaguchi Kappei-san, the role of Inuyasha, do the commentary for the PR spotlight and it had an “Inuyasha” feel to it. Rin has grown-up a little bit but for her acting, we ordered that we “Want you to be conscious of childhood Rin” when addressing “Lord Sesshōmaru”.

— Episode 15 was also the episode that revealed Rin was the mother of Towa and Setsuna. What were you conscious of when depicting Sesshōmaru and Rin?

Satō: Regarding that, it was something I wondered about the most as an Inuyasha fan when my work in “Hanyō no Yashahime” was decided. Since Rumiko-sensei did not depict this, there were probably fans that had complicated feelings with how the relationship between the two is presented… In that sense, I’d say it’s best to make it so that the two can properly live together in happiness. How do I put it, it’d be hard to look at if things stay as they are.

— Director Satō, you yourself want everyone to be happy.

Satō: Correct. The moment “Inuyasha The Final Act” ended, I thought everyone would be happy, but it ended up like this… Based on the actions of the other characters, I would like to shape Sesshōmaru and Rin-chan’s afterwards in a way that everyone can agree to. Regarding Moroha, there’s the matter of when she will meet Inuyasha and Kagome. It would make me happy if you could pay attention to that part going forward.

— This month we published an illustration of Sesshōmaru and Kirinmaru (P. 42~). Director Satō, do you have any situations you would like to see in future copyright illustrations?

Satō: As a fan, I would like to see the parents and children sitting together. “Inuyasha, Kagome, and Moroha would be there and beside them would be Sesshōmaru, Rin, Towa, and Setsuna” like they had a family gathering at New Years. I think that kind of situation would be fun. However, in actuality I think that might be difficult as the dog brothers don’t get along (laughs).

— In episode 18, Sesshōmaru finally appeared before his daughters and that created major movement in the story. Please tell our excited readers some highlights going forward.

Satō: Episode 19 is a story where the demon slayers play an active, albeit not serious, role. You could say it’s a breather episode and it feels as though the tempo is completely different from episode 18. However, please enjoy it while relaxing (laughs). Following with episode 20, Shiori-san, the half-demon who appeared in “Inuyasha”, will make an appearance. It is an episode where she and Setsuna will interact. Sumisawa-san thought that in order to depict half-demons, this was something that couldn’t be left out and Inuyasha walked down this path as well. Then, the final chapter begins in episode 21. Things will move all at once. Zero, who started appearing in episode 14, will especially be a key person going into the final episode. Please pay attention to her relationship between Kirinmaru and Sesshōmaru.

Having Takechiyo Around Is A Big Help!

“Takechiyo is fun to move. As a therapeutic mascot character, just him being there is a big help and he has room for growth going forward. From the start, Takechiyo was born from “having a character that could be messed with in some way or another like Shippō” but he feels completely different. Also, with Fairouz Ai-san’s tenacious acting, he has grown into a very good character. Apparently, he’s a favorite of Sumisawa-san (laughs).” (Satō)

Sesshomaru’s on A Different Level! The Role of Sesshōmaru, Narita Ken

Episode 18 was his first appearance outside of flashbacks. The impression I got was that it’s as though Sesshōmaru thinks Kirinmaru is “Not an opponent worthy of my time”. That’s why I didn’t even insert a breath and imagined that “he could easily win this” during the scene where they crossed blades. I also checked with sound director Nagura Yasushi-san like “Would you like me to insert a breath?” but he said, “No need”. On the other hand, Kirinmaru was taking breaths so I really think Sesshōmaru is on a different level. Even my impression of Hosoya Yoshimasa-kun was… the level is not the same. Just kidding (laughs). Hosoya is quite adorable so it was fun doing (the scene) with him. What will become of the relationship between Sesshōmaru and Kirinmaru is something to look forward to going ahead.

Today’s Diary

This month we visited Sunrise’s studio #1. The selection begins in the conference room lined with plastic models of Sunrise’s works. Hishinuma-san, what do you think seeing all these works we have collected? **

“We created “Hanyō no Yashahime” with the intention of simply gearing it towards the children of today, but there’s a wide age range of contributors. From elementary schoolers to those in their 50s, I can really feel that the work is loved by everyone. It seems there are many people whose deep-rooted support for us stems back to the “Inuyasha” era.”

Which character is the easiest for you to draw?

“The one who’s easy to approach is Moroha. There’s a part of her that resembles her father (Inuyasha) so at first, I was conscious of copying (him). However, over time, I gained the ability to bring out her uniqueness.”

Who is the most popular on-site? (translator’s note: aka the studio)

“I’d have to say there’s a lot of staff who say, “I want to draw Moroha!”. When the plans were stood up, Towa and Setsuna were the two protagonists but Takahashi Rumiko-sensei’s design of Moroha was so appealing that the 3 of them became the main characters you see now. That’s why I want the on-site staff to love on Towa and Setsuna more! Especially for me, I want to continue to sympathize with Towa and watch over her growth with the emotions of a foster parent. Of course, the parent that gave birth to them is Rumiko-sensei.”

The main story is finally approaching its climax. Please show us your enthusiasm.

“My main job right now is designing and copyright illustrations but the staff are working hard towards the climax that will be at the end of March. The story development is going to be hardcore, but I would be really happy if you continued to support us. Look forward to it!”

 ** Back story: This month’s Animage held an art contest for Yashahime with the judge being animation character designer, Hishinuma Yoshihito. Also, this page has a “One point lesson” on how to draw the 3 girls. However, that one is heavily image reliant so I will not be translating it (I do not post scans as much as possible).

[ebaeschnbliah]

The plaster bust revelation .....

Impressions from Sherlock BBC, The Six Thatchers

A really interesting assembling of little scenes and short pieces of dialogue. Some do not correlate with each other, some seem to be taken from material not shown in the episode, one bust and its owner have been left out entirely and the person Sherlock unmasks in this final mind palace revelation, never turns up visually in the sequence at all.

For anyone interested, there are more details below the cut .....

The sequence starts when Sherlock remembers Ajay’s reply - at Sandeford’s pool - to his question about the man’s presumed connection to Jim Moriarty. 

While the sequence is unfolding, Sherlock stands on Vauxhall Bridge, his face is turned to the river. He looks into the distance ... into himself ... and concentrats on the memories that turn up in his mind. When the camera focuses on the back of his head, a Thatcher bust appears first on the left and then on the right side of the screen in a rather ‘explosive’ way. The next moment they get smashed and ‘explode’ into a myriad of shards and plaster dust. 

Sherlock’s profile materializes on the right side of his head and replaces the bust there.

In the episode, the left image of the Thatcher bust is used as transition from the scene where Toby the bloodhound loses track of the blood drop, found on Dr Barnicot’s bust, amidst a pool of blood on a street market. It leads to the scene that shows the destruction of Miss Orrie’s two busts, which are completely identical ... bust four and five of the case.

SHERLOCK: Clever. MARY: Well, if you were wounded and you knew you were leaving a trail, where would you go? JOHN: Like hiding a tree in a forest. SHERLOCK: Or blood in a butchers’. SHERLOCK: Never mind, Toby. Better luck next time, hm? SHERLOCK: This is it, though. This is the one. I can feel it. JOHN: Not Moriarty? SHERLOCK: It has to be him. It’s too bizarre; it’s too baroque. It’s designed to beguile me, tease me, lure me in. At last – a noose for me to put my neck into.

The right image shows the first of Miss Orrie’s twin busts that gets smashed with a hammer.  (The smashing of the twin busts)

Both of Miss Orrie’s busts are completely identical. The only thing that differs is the way they get destroyed. 

Bust A is hit by a hammer multiple times

Bust B is grabbed by a gloved hand and forcefully flung on the table amidst the shards of bust A

The way the transition is created - from the street market with the Watson couple to Miss Orrie’s twin busts implies that both images used for the revelation sequence are of bust A. If this is the case, then Sherlock is placed between one and the same bust (A), during that scene. It’s the broken bust nr 4 of owner nr 4. The twin-bust (B) is still untouched at that moment.

Then another bust makes its appearance. Sherlock sees the broken pieces of Dr Barnicot’s bust scattered on the floor. It’s the second bust of the case, the one on which Sherlock discovered the drop of blood after DI Lestrade brought it to Baker Street in a plasic bag.

Suddenly the scene that plays out inside Sherlock’s mind starts running backwards and the  pieces of the doctor’s broken bust reassamble themselves again. 

The background for this part changes from Vauxhall Bridge and the Thames to the livingroom in the Welsborough house. It’s taken from the very moment when Sherlock notices the ‘gap’ on the small round table where the first Thatcher bust had been placed and is now missing. 

Then the sequence runs backwards again and returns once more to the smashing of Miss Orrie’s first bust (A), while the second bust (B) can be seen, still intact, behind the bust-smasher’s gloved hand. The background is now a blend of the Welsborouh living room and Miss Orrie’s place.

From the moment when Dr Barnicot’s bust starts to reasamble itself again, to the destruction of Miss Orrie’s first bust, Sherlock remembers Mycroft’s words, spoken during the Cabinet Office meeting at the beginning of the episode:

Then, for the fraction of a second, the screen goes almost completely black before a new image appears in the left upper corner of the screen, while Sherlock’s profile on the right side slowly starts fading. The new image turns out to be Mary holdig little Rosie on her arm. The clip seems to be taken from John’s phone during the conversation between Mary, John and Sherlock before they enter the Welsborough living room.

Comparing the scenes from episode and revelation sequence shows that the images of Mary and Rosie are not completely identical. The position of their heads as well as Mary’s facial expression doesn’t really match. An absolut identical screenshot for those images doesn’t exist in the episode. This little difference between Sherlock’s view and that of the audience gives the impression that Sherlock processes his very own memory of the event in the revelation sequence. (Something similar happens during the baby shower scene when Mrs Hudson takes pics of the new Watson family. Sadly I couldn’t find that post anymore, nor do I remember the author. If anyone has a link, it would be highly appreciated.)

The image of Mary and Rosie is from John’s phone. Sherlock has just returned the phone, which he had taken to question Mary about her unexpected knowledge of the new case. The three men are already inside the Welsborough house and on their way to the living room. The image on the phone corresponds with Mary’s questions, directed at John: “What, an empty car that suddenly has a week-old corpse in it? And what are you gonna call this one?” 

The dialogue assigned to the Mary/Rosie clip for the revelation sequence is taken from a scene prior - before Sherlock and John follow DI Lestrade into the Welsborough house. Sherlock has just taken John’s phone to question Mary about her unexpected knowledge of the new case.

The background for the revelation sequence has changed once more. Miss Orrie’s place as well as the Welsborough house are gone. The surrounding landscape at Vauxhall Bridge starts coming back and while the image of Sherlock’s profile slowly fades, the view of the back of his head grows more and more visible again.

This last part of the revelation sequence is dominated by images of Jack Sandeford’s shattered bust - the sixth and last bust of owner nr 5, destroyed by Sherlock himself, near the swimming pool. Mary and Rosie as well as Sherlock’s fading profile appear to be covered - seperately - by the remnants of that bust. Meaning - the same ‘explosion’ is displayed twice at the same time  - one to the left (on a smaller scale) and one to the right side of Sherlock’s head (on a bigger scale). 

Then new images come into focus left and right of Sherlock’s head. It looks like Mary and Rosie are overshadowed by another falling Thatcher bust. That’s a bit of an illusion though. The bust appears to be still the one of Jack Sandeford and the image seems to be taken from a screenshot prior to it’s destruction, when Sherlock rises the bust high up in the air before he smashes it on the floor. 

The image of Mary and Rosie vanishes then in something that looks like a fiery explosion of plaster bust pieces and is replaced by a single dark eye. Simultaneously with the ‘explosion’, Ajay’s AGRA memory stick, lying among the shards of the broken bust, appears on the right side of Sherlock’s head.

The single dark eye seems to be that of Ajay and is taken from the very first moment the man appears on screen. This happens after Sherlock’s first visit at his brother’s bunker office. The following transition deals with two busts - the second and the third - at the same time. First the destruction of Mohandes Hassan’s bust is shown, followed by Dr Barnicot’s bust. The two scenes are seperated by images of the single eye - opening and closing - and the small, dark flat of the bust-smasher, whose identity is still unknown at that moment. 

The dialogue assigned to Ajay’s eye for the revelation sequence is taken from the confrontation scene in Morocco, just before Ajay gets shot by an unexpectedly (conveniently?) appearing single policeman. His sudden death prevents the clarifying talk between the two former AGRA agents (mirrors for Jim and Sherlock in my metaphorical reading), which could lead to new insights and mutual understanding between them. 

AJAY: Ammo. Every day as they tore into me. Ammo. Ammo. Ammo. Ammo.  We were betrayed! SHERLOCK: And they said it was her? AJAY (to Mary): You betrayed us! SHERLOCK: They said her name? AJAY: Yeah, they said it was the English woman.

Then, while on the one side of Sherlock’s head the image of Ajay’s dark eye slowly fades out, Mycroft appears on the other side and starts to replace the AGRA memory stick before he too vanishes in an ‘explosion’ of plaster bust pieces. 

Again it’s Jack Sandeford’s bust but the degree of destruction shows that the image for this transition has been taken some shots earlier than the ones used before. The bust pieces are clearly bigger here. 

It was relatively easy to find fitting matches for all the broken busts, the different places for the background, Ajay’s eye and the AGRA memory stick, that got included in Sherlock’s final revelation sequence. Only the image of Mary and Rosie, taken from John’s phone, proved to be a bit of a challenge because there is no 100% identical match in the episode. 

Mycroft though turned out to be a really tough nut to crack. Stricktly speaking, I wasn’t able to crack it completely. I couldn’t find matching images of him, although I searched the whole episode three times. Then I started to comb through all the other episodes. Nothing. ‘Not knowing’ and ‘loose ends’ ... I can so understand Sherlock and Mycroft that they dislike this. :)

‘Don’t minute any of this’ ... these are the words Sherlock hears the moment when his big brother appears next to the right side of his head. Though partly overlaid by pieces and dust of the broken Sandeford bust, the expression on Mycroft’s face is quite distinctive. It should be easy to find matching pics. In the scene from which those words are taken though, big brother is filmed from behind. 

The only image that comes closest to the one from the revelation sequence - although filmed in a slightly different angle - appears some seconds later. It shows the very moment when Mycroft utters the code names for the people present:  “Antarctica, Langdale, Porlock and Love.” The same four names that Sherlock associats with the smashing of the busts.

Basically, it’s the same as with the Mary/Rosy clip ... there simply is no image in the episode that matches with Mycroft face in the revelation sequence - not even roughly.

That sequence ends the way it began, with Sherlock’s eyes looking into the distance, looking ‘inside’ himself .... before he ‘returns’ to himself again and has the solution to the case. Mary’s wispered words that ‘they’ (secretaries) know everything, accompaniy Sherlock’s return. He starts running across Vauxhall Bridge. On his way he summons John, Mary, Mycroft and DI Lestrade to meet with them at the London Aquarium for the unveiling of the culprit.

Busts (masks) and characters involved:

Only five of the six Thatcher busts make an appearance in the revelation sequence, when Sherlock solves the case (Batches of Six).

4&5 - the first two busts shown, the twin-busts, belong to Miss Orrie Harker

3 - the next one, which reassembles itself in a backwards running scene, belongs to Dr Barnicot

4&5 - then Miss Orrie’s twin-busts reappear a second time

6 - they are followed by at least three different clips of Jack Sandeford’s bust, or rather its many shards and plaster dust

1 - the background used for most of the bust smashing - Welsborough’s livingroom - refers to the first bust of the case of which no smashing images exist

One bust is missing entirely though and that's number 2. It belongs to Mr Mohandes Hassan, the character whose names refer to the East as well as the West, to a winged god of sexual desire, equipped with 5 arrows, to rainbow colours, Ireland and the Irish word for ‘fawn’ (little deer, stag). Exactly this bust - and just this one alone - makes its appearance in the intro to all three episodes of Series 4 ..... side by side with the Houses of Parliament and the famous Clock Tower of Westminster Palace, also called Elizabeth Tower. 

Only three people are visually involved in the process of putting together the relevant puzzle pieces to solve the case, that takes place in Sherlock’s mind palace ..... Ajay, Mycroft and Mary. Each character has been given two seperated lines of dialogue in alternating order:

AJAY:  You think you understand. You understand nothing.

MYCROFT:  Code names Antarctica, Langdale, Porlock and Love.

MARY:  You’d be amazed what a receptionist picks up. They know everything.

AJAY:  They said it was the English woman.

MYCROFT:  Don’t minute any of this.

MARY:  They know everything.

That’s all the information Sherlock needs, to work out not only who the ‘culprit’ is, he also knows exactly the time and place where to find that person. Interestingly, that ‘culprit’ never appears visually in Sherlock’s revelation. Not once. 

Vivian Norbury turns out to be the ‘English woman’. Ajay tells, that’s how his torturers called the person responsible for the failed hostage rescue in Tiblisi, for his inprisonment and for the death of his fellow agents, his ‘family’. Ajay wrongly assumed that person to be Rosamund (Mary) ... now Mary (Elizabeth). Mary on the other hand tells about a phone call, the voice of a anonymous person called ‘Am(m)o’, who gave the order at the time. 

In my post about Vivian Norbury, I pointed out that this character shares a lot of similarities with Mycroft Holmes who is associated repeatedly with the Queen. 

The Queen .... wouldn’t she be the most well known ‘English woman’ worldwide? And hadn’t it been Mycroft who gave Jim Moriarty the perfect ‘ammunition’ to destroy Sherlock? Jim Moriarty sent the Holmes boys his ‘love’ via Irene Adler, the ‘Woman’ who considers herself to be ‘explosive’ and gay. Sherlock is convinced that the chemistry of love is simple and destructive ... explosive even. Well, ammo=ammonition and amo=I love. Both words make sense in this story about a war between intellect and emotions. After all, when you walk the streets of London with Sherlock Holmes, you see the battlefield ... warns Mycroft at the very beginning of the story. It’s John Watson whom he warns, his brother’s new flatmate ..... between whose first and last name Mr Sex (Hamish=James=Jim) is hiding in plain sight. :)

Thanks for reading. I leave you to your own deductions. :)  Scripts by @callie-ariane​

May, 2021

[bagadew]

The Great Ace Attorney Playthrough: The Adventure of the Great Departure (Part 3)

Last Time: We finally found Miss Brett, the English woman who’s present had been erased from the scene of the crime, and dragged her ass to court only to discover that she was a Massively Racist Bitch in a swan hat. After a lot of back and forth it became clear that Dr Watson Wilson actually died of poisoning, and that Miss Brett took advantage of the fact Japan currently doesn’t do autopsy reports to shoot his corpse in the chest and frame me (Ryunosuke) for the murder. Fortunately for us Hosonaga took the bottle from the crime scene, and after needlessly translating Miss Brett for the last hour (and presumably filtering out a lot of questionable content) was only to happy to produce it for the court. Unfortunately for us the poison wasn’t in the bottle, so it’s up to a lady in pink to save the day!

I’m going to roundhouse kick Auchi

I’m liking how everyone else in this room is just as done with Auchi as I am

Our saviour Ryunosuke, that’s who

Oh, that’s not a glass

Is it about poisons?

It is!

Ok so I’m pretty sure that Curare is incredibly powerful and fast acting poison (which lines up with what we know). Unfortunately I think it needs to be injected but I might be mixing it up with something else.

Susato’s actually given me the report now, which is probably a much more sensible way of getting information (rather than me trying to remember what I’ve picked up from Agatha Christie novels), and unfortunately it looks like I remembered correctly about it needing to be injected.

(Side note: how alarming is it that I’ve retained this much knowledge on poisons? I feel the need to explain that I’ve been reading and listening to audio dramatisation of Agatha Christie novels since I was about three, but I feel like that makes it worse)

What is curious though is it’s potential use as an anaesthetic. Given that Dr Wilson had just had a tooth removed with anaesthetic I wonder if there’s a connection there?

I’m not sure what it could be though, unless it turns out Miss Brett Weekend at Berniesed his corpse all the over way from the clinic.

GET HER ASS RYUNOSUKE!!!

Actually wait...

GET HER ASS JUDGE!!!

Auchi if we were to run this courtroom on things you know about we’d be running a kindergarten.

Auchi, you’d never even heard of Curare until I told you about it, be quiet while the grownups are talking.

Yeah, Curare is not a nice poison.

I’m not going to post the full explanation here, but wow, Kazuma’s really going all out with his description!

Also it looks like I misunderstood about it needing to be injected. Everyone’s saying that it can just be swallowed, which I guess that makes sense given how deadly it is.

Miss Brett’s being a bitch again (but what else is new) and Kazuma’s taking none of your shit and telling her that the feeling’s mutual. (Something I would have screenshot, but I was too busy calling Kazuma a legend to press the little square button.)

I knew it, it was only in the glass.

Yeah, now try it again from the glass you took.

Don’t worry Ryunosuke, I got this!

It’s ok Kazuma! Believe in me (Ryunosuke) and our beautiful friendship!

It astounds me too Kazuma, but for once I’m on to something!

Kazuma, please stop saying foreboding things, I need you to survive the next case and you’re already not being helped by the fact that you’re so much better than me. You’re so good you kind of render me, the protagonist, a little bit obsolete in fact.

PENALISED!

I guess I was wrong then! That bottle does somehow contain poison.

Yes Kuzuma, because I’m going to be penalised otherwise!

OH FUCK I’VE GOT IT!!!

I UNDERSTOOD CORRECTLY THE FIRST TIME!!!

IT DOES NEED TO BE PUT INTO THE BLOODSTREAM!!!

AND THE DOCTOR HAD A GAPING WOUND IN HIS MOUTH!!!

WHICH MISS JEZAILLE BRETT ADMITTED SHE KNEW ABOUT!!!

It’s finally time!

Let’s get her!

He’s got it!

GET HER ASS RYUNOSUKE!!!

She’s cracking!

Is it hatred Ryunosuke?

Ah no, my mistake - it’s lawyer rage conviction!

I know I’ve said this a lot but...

GET HER ASS RYUNOSUKE!!!!!!!!!!

HE DID THE THING!!!!!!!!

WE’RE USING HER OWN WORDS AGAINST HER

AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!

Oh good... she’s started laughing

Oh no. We’ve set things into motion haven’t we.

Kazuma, I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to take care of yourself in the case to come.

SHE’S DESTROYING THE EVIDENCE!

You can’t do that!

Oh who am I kidding, this lady’s been dancing on privilege since she walked in.

Oh Ryunosuke I think she might have done...

I knew she felt like an end of game villain!

Auchi’s about to catch these hands!

Kazuma’s telling us to step into our mind palace.

‘Is Kazuma right’, he thinks, as he remembers the blood on the plate.

I don’t know Ryunosuke? Is water wet?

You got it Kazuma!

I mean to be fair it did only just happen.

DID HE STEAL THE PLATE?!?

YES HOSONAGA!!!

YOU BEAUTIFUL GENIUS!!!

I do genuinely love these moments in Ace Attorney though. When everyone works as one to get some untouchable big fry. There’s something very rewarding about the whole thing.

Shit... she swapped it out...

Fortunately my man Hosonaga has everyone’s plates though!

Cheer up Ryunosuke, look, we have steak blood at least. And I’m sure Hosonaga’ll bring us the rest of the plates if we ask nicely. Especially after Miss Brett broke his bottle.

Miss Brett’s now making racist statements again.

But at least I’ve been given the steak to examine!

Bless you Kazuma

Ryunosuke what short of cats have you been looking at!

Get his ass (affectionately) Kazuma!

THE STOLEN COIN!!!

I KNEW SHE SWAPPED THEM!!!

(Also it looks like I was right about it being stolen by Nosa)

Didn’t know that was there, did you Miss Brett?

Now, dig your own grave with your words!

Now it’s time to dob Nosa in it. Sorry Nosa but you were kind of a jerk. Look on the bright side though, now’s your chance to redeem yourself in my eyes, like Hosonaga has!

Old man Korekuna’s armed and pissed!

Nosa I’m sorry. It’s best to throw yourself on his mercy now before I rile him up more. Use your baby to calm him if you must.

NICE CATCH NOSA!

I take everything back, Nosa your complete safe, old man Korekuna has no idea how to use that thing.

Ah, I forgot he was proficient in vase!

(Which I forgot to screenshot)

Never mind Nosa, you’re still screwed!

That is the right face to pull (Nosa not Hosonaga):

Look at him in the corner there. I feel bad now.

It was theft wasn’t it?

...oh Nosa what have you done?

(Kept food on his kids plate probably, given how he can’t afford childcare)

Nosa’s now accusing his infant son of being the mastermind... Sure Nosa, everyone’s bying that.

Either accusing a baby is a panic response, or I don’t need to feel so bad anymore.

Hosonaga how did you not immediately catch this guy?

HE SLIPPED THE COIN UNDER THE STEAK SO IT WOULDN’T BE FOUND WHEN HE WAS SEARCHED!

MISS BRETT’S TRYING TO WEASLE HER WAY OUT TO LUNCH AGAIN!

Oh thank god!

I thought for one terrible second we were letting her go.

(I’ve say it before and I’ll probably say it again, this is an intense first case)

Yes! ‘Her’ steak had a big bite mark in it!

But I thought and English Lady like yourself wouldn’t eat steak that way Miss Brett?

Of course, there’s a difference between the two photos.

I knew I could see the glass in the first one, which means it was taken before Miss Brett rearranged the table!

Oh, now Nosa’s saying that he switched the plates.

I must admit I didn’t expect that, I thought it was something Miss Brett did to remove the bloody evidence.

She’s cracking!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

YEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

IT WAS ALIVE!!!

BABIES!!!

BABIES EVERYWHERE!

Oh god... what’s she planning.

Your honour, she’s already poisoned one person, do you want to be next?

Kiss my ass Miss Brett

Get used to it Auchi.

HAHA!

DAMN KAZUMA

(Editor Note: I am very upset by how poorly my screenshots conveyed Kazuma destroying Auchi’s hairdo with his sword)

Also, were you always hot Kazuma?

Wait no - I can’t be thinking that. The bar for fictional men I like is the floor and if I want Kazuma to continue to live a long, happy, non morally ambiguous life, I need him to not fall into the category of ‘fictional men I find hot’.

For some reason, I picture it being blue and spiky your honour

Wait what’s this about Kazuma having a mission?

Oh fucking hell, I’ve doomed you to moral ambiguity haven’t I Kazuma?

Thank you for the backhanded compliment your honour!

Ooh, petals rather than confetti, that’s a nice touch!

We did it!!!

And most importantly of all, we’re being praised by Kazuma!

Susato! Our saviour! Has turned up, along with her father: the innocent Professor Mikotoba, who I would like to thank and to reiterate that he could never kill anyone!

Seriously though, what was the relationship between him an Dr Wilson?

Ah ok, I simply just had to click on to find out.

So apparently the two of them worked together in the same hospital in London for a while.

OH MY GOD KAZUMA’S TAKING THE SWORD WITH HIM TO GREAT BRITAIN!!!

YES KAZUMA! F THEM UP!!!

(Also if your journey tragically ends in the customs office there’s a non-dead-Kazuma reason for me to go in your place.)

Oh fuck, she got off didn’t she...

I knew it

Of fucking course...

So basically she’s going to get off with a slap on the wrist. That’s what I’m getting from all of this.

Yep

Ah, but what you’ve failed to understand Kazuma is that the British Government and 99% of those people in power, are hypocritical dirtbags who will change the rules to suit them.

OK TEAM LETS GO GET HER ASS!!!

FINAL BOSS! FINAL BOSS!

Now on to the party with Kazuma!

And also Hosonaga apparently. Who is clinging onto his waiter job even though the case he was investigating is solved. Look like Ryunosuke was right about money being tight.

Hosonaga, do you not have a job anymore?

Were your superiors upset when you said ‘fuck the government’ and bought Miss Brett to us? Or was it your one man forensics team shtick that upsets them?

Oh yeah, we never did find that out did we?

Kazuma Asogi I forbid you from charging me with looking after your sister, of for that matter anything, incase something happens to you!

Fortunatly for us Hosonaga is here! Diving in-front of that Kazuma shaped plot bullet with promises of food!

Ryunosuke over here, taking the cases final moments to roast Hosonaga.

I think we’re even now Satoru, my second favorite character.

I don’t want to click to the next text box.

OH FUCK!

Oh wait, false alarm everyone!

I genuinely thought that the case was going to end with something like: but little did I realize that he never would.

Anyway that’s enough worrying about Kazuma! For now let’s enjoy the fact we’ve finished this bastard hard first case!

We’re moving on to Episode 2: The Adventure of the Unbreakable Speckled Band next!

[salainenkansio]

Straightheads - how Stella Gibson was born

I have just watched Straightheads.

Here is some background information: the movie is a low-budget British film made by Dan Reed, who had made before some documentaries.

The film is freaking disturbing. Just to start with: the nasty plot and documentary style together make it feel like a real horror, no comparison to any of X-files, which some people call scary. Hope I will not have nightmares tonight.

Well, Gillian's performance is stunning as usual, she can make every kind of role. The rape scene was so well-acted, all that noises she made and so on (don't want to think about it more).

But what amazed me most is Alice, the main charachter of the movie. For me this is a younger version of Stella Gibson. Here are some facts about Alice, which reminded me of Stella:

- Alice is a tough businesswoman with stern eyes, hollow cheeks and bitchy attitude.

- She changes lovers like gloves.

- She had a special connection to her farther in the past.

- She is surrounded by some mean and violent but mentally weak men.

- She is very angry but can feel deep compassion.

- She rescues a 16-year-old girl from some violent men.

Just take a look on this screenshot:

Do you recognize these eyes and firmly pressed lips?

Another thing that almost made my jaw drop is the topless Gillian (!!) scenes. I never thought before she could agree to do this kind of things in a movie. And this is the same person who didn't like some "revealing scenes" with bare back in The Turning (I am going to watch it, but not because of these scenes, of course).

Here is a interesting quote of Gillian, what she said about her revealing scenes in one interview (taken from her official website):

...She giggles when asked if she had gone to the gym to ensure she was in perfect shape for the cameras.

"That's funny, no. I didn't. But I would have to now, " she said. "When I made this film I happened to be in a fit place at the time. But I am not sure that I will ever be able to get back to that place of being comfortable, especially after having another baby. I definitely think that that was my one moment to show to myself and to my grandchildren how I was once."

Yes I can fully imagine Gillian giggling about this role.

I will not post any revealing screenshots, but here is a shot from the movie which reminded me of that famous decontamination shower:

Believe me, it is really innocent compared to other scenes. They are not about erotic at all though.

All in all, the film is dirty and disgusting, but it is not it's weakness. It's weakness is that it has not so much to show apart from it. I don't think the director gave Gillian all the opportunities to shine. The visual side was OK, but the inner meaning wasn't shown as it could be shown.

In other words, what I try to say: my favourite film is The Silence of the Lambs, which is also disgusting in many ways, but it has so much to tell apart from some revolting content. This film is not that deep, in my opinion.

Okay, here are some interesting shots. This reminded me so much of Bergman films:

Some screenshots with her amazing eyes...

And look at this cool woman with a rifle:

That's it! Now I have dealed with my emotions after watching this crazy film.