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#prep school insanity
mpgis-fangurl · 10 months
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shayyyy van buren
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tennessoui · 9 months
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Number 19 for the prompt thing. The parents meeting because of their kids. I’m kinda imagining Korkie being like a tutor/school reading buddy for the twins or something but you can just ignore that if it doesn’t match your thoughts on it.
hello!! i thought back as much as i could, and i don't think i actually did this prompt the first time around a couple of years ago, so there's nothing to link to save for the prompt list!
i stuck with korkie as obi-wan's kid and the twins as anakin's, but made the kids the same age and then took...a few more liberties with the prompt haha
(19. parents meeting while taking their kids to class) (sort of)
(2.8k)
“Leia, baby, why do you always decide to get into fights at school when it’s my week with you?” Anakin asks the steering wheel as he buckles himself in and turns over the engine. “They’re going to start thinking I’m raising a truant. Then they’re going to start asking about your home life, then they’re going to bring in experts to ask me more questions, then Padmé’s parents are going to throw their considerable legal weight around and get my partial custody revoked and then where will we be? Is that what you want? To only see me on your birthday and Christmas?”
Anakin pauses and reconsiders. Knowing his daughter, she may very well only want to see him for birthdays and Christmases. It would mean double the presents.
Thankfully the silence of the car doesn’t offer much in the way of constructive critique.
At a red light, he puts his head down on the steering wheel for a long enough moment that the car behind him honks when the light changes to green.
“They’re going to stop letting me leave work to come get you,” Anakin mutters a few minutes later as he turns the car into the school’s parking lot. “I have a partner meeting in thirty minutes that I really can’t miss, baby. Can’t you at least schedule your schoolyard fights around my calendar?”
It’s all rather pointless, but it feels good to grumble and bitch in the time it takes him to leave his office and arrive at the school, before he has to put on his adult face and demeanor to sit through another round of We’re Worried Your Five Year Old Is Too Violent As She Seems To View The Monkey Bars As Sacrificial Zones.
“Maybe she’d like hockey,” he says under his breath as he grabs his jacket from the other seat and swings it over his suit. It’s fucking freezing already, not even December. It’s indecent, that’s what it is. Surely a place as cold as this has a peewee hockey team in need of another angry little girl.
“Thank you,” he says when a woman holds the door open for him on her way out the building.
He’s stil sort of freaked out that the elementary school his children are going to is fancy enough to have an entrance hallway with a chandelier hanging from the ceilingk, but it’s not him that’s paying for their private school education that doesn’t offer discounts for all the collective hours they’ll spend napping on the floors.
To the immediate left of the door is the receptionist’s desk—behind her, the nurse’s room. He’s quite familiar with both. Mrs. Whitsdale even waves when she sees him, which means, unfortunately, she’s just made the shortlist of people Anakin needs to make Christmas cookies for. She joins the ranks of everyone else that’s been made to deal with his son and daughter in the tumultuous year after the divorce.
“Hi, ma’am,” he says dutifully, sticking his head into the receptionist area. “Do I need to sign in or can I just go up?”
She waves him away. “I’ve already got you, sweetheart. You’re late anyway, they’re waiting for you upstairs.”
“You’re a miracle amongst men,” he calls out as he turns instead to the right of the door and up the old staircase that leads to the principal’s office. This is also a route he is incredibly familiar with.
How can he be late? He practically flew here on light feet and broken speed limits. It’s enough to take his mood from bad to worse, which isn’t optimal for a meeting with the principal of the school when it’s his kid who caused the fight. Anakin’s role is to nonconfrontational, contrite to the point of groveling—because he knows his daughter won’t. 
That’s already hard enough when he’s feeling normal. It’s practically impossible when he’s feeling foul.
But Padmé did always say Leia got her stubbornness and temper from Anakin.
Anakin’s always said Leia never really had a chance considering who her parents are. 
After all, someone threw a hairdryer at the hotel mirror before they got divorced and it wasn’t Anakin. But he’s not stupid enough to even think that when Padmé’s around.
The big oak door at the end of the hallway on the second floor is elaborate, looks heavy, and stays closed. He knows that this is the headmaster’s office, but he’s never seen the guy around. He doesn’t even know what the guy does. What’s a headmaster of an elementary school doing every day? 
It’s an elementary school.
But, again. Anakin’s not paying for all this pomp and circumstance.
He takes another right instead, down the corridor in the opposite direction to the principal’s office. The door’s left ajar, and Anakin knocks politely before entering at the call to.
A couple of things bring him up short as soon as he steps into the room. For one thing, it’s not Principal Cinoff behind the desk, but a stranger who has the remnants of a three-piece suit on, jacket hanging neatly on a coat rack in the corner of the room. His vest is a deep red that should do nothing but drain his complexion—all pasty white skin, freckled and sun-starved, paired with his reddish hair and beard. It doesn’t, which is unfair to the point of duplicity. Or–something.
The way he’s sitting at the desk, hands spread wide on the wood and shoulders back, leaves no doubt in Anakin’s mind that the stranger is in a position of power here at the school. And probably in, like. Life. He looks like the kind of guy who gets his groceries on discount even without providing a loyalty card. He also looks like the kind of guy the system bends to accommodate. As a lawyer, Anakin is offended and deeply disturbed. That’s why his stomach does two or three flips in quick succession when they make eye contact.
The stranger’s eyes are cool and focused as they run over Anakin, and he gives him a perfunctory incline of his head. At least his eyes are warmer when they fall to the kids in front of him. 
And that’s the other thing that shocks him.
The amount of children in front of the desk. One pouting ginger kid off to the side, arms crossed and staring down at his light-up sneakers.
And then two very familiar heads of hair on the other side. 
“Luke?” He asks before he can stop himself, surprise dripping from his tone. “What are you doing here?”
At this rate, he’s going to give his daughter a complex, he knows it.
But Luke has never been in trouble before. Sure, they’re only five, and it’s only been three months of school, but in that time, Anakin’s been called down here six times to deal with Leia-related emergencies. He’s always imagined that meanwhile, Luke was in his classroom, chewing on crayons or diligently helping the teacher pass out homework assignments.
The stand-in principal coughs slightly and rises. “Ah, Mr. Skywalker-Amidala. Thank you for being able to join us today.”
Anakin scowls automatically before schooling his face into something far more diplomatic and pleasant when his children whirl around in their seats to look at him. The last thing he needs is for his children to think they can sneer at authority figures, given that he’s one of their main authority figures. 
Luke leaves his chair to hug onto his leg, pressing his small face into the fabric of his pants, presumably seeking comfort and also to wipe his face dry of tears and snot.
Anakin puts a hand on his head and strokes through his hair, darting a curious glance at Leia, who has turned around to glare forward again, arms crossed over her chest.
“It’s just Skywalker, actually,” he tells the stranger. “Amidala is their mother.”
The man’s eyebrow goes up and he picks up a pen to make a note on the papers before him. An actual note. Regarding Anakin’s divorce. “Ah, apologies then,” he says. “Our contact list notes you as the father, Skywalker-Amidala, and their mother as Amidala-Organa.”
Anakin squints, trying to decide if the stranger is just trying to correct a clerical error in the school’s records or fishing for gossip. He gives him the benefit of the doubt. “Amidala is their mother, recently remarried to Organa. Organas. And she’s always been better at remembering to file paperwork than I am.”
The stranger keeps his face admirably placid. “Ah,” he says. “Well, Mr. Skywalker. Should we begin?”
“Uh,” he says. “What about the other parent?”
The stranger blinks at him, both eyebrows raised. “I’m a widower.”
“Uh,” he says. “I meant…” he gestures at the other child, the surly looking ginger kid.
“I’m afraid it will just be us, Mr. Skywalker,” the stranger says. “Please, sit.”
Anakin sits, and Luke is quick to scramble up into his lap with a very plaintative, “I didn’t really mean to.”
“So at recess today, the children were playing on the swings,” the stranger who must be the principal for the day says. “And—”
“Sorry,” Anakin interrupts. “Can I get your name please? I was expecting Principal Cinoff.”
The man pauses. “Sheri has been put on sudden maternity-leave a few months early,” he says. “For the next couple of weeks, I’ll be dual-hatting as both principal and headmaster while we continue to search for a temporary replacement.” He raises an eyebrow at Anakin. Anakin really doesn’t appreciate that. “This was in an email the school sent out to all the parents recently.”
“Yes, well,” Anakin says. “I get a lot of emails.”
The man looks unimpressed. “I encourage you to prioritize the communications from your children’s learning institute.”
Anakin bristles. What a dick. Who the fuck says learning institute?
“I’m sorry, what’s your name?” he asks in his best unimpressed voice.
“Obi-Wan Kenobi,” the man’s unimpressed voice is ten times more chilling than Anakin’s, which is also not fair. “Please, call me Dr. Kenobi.” Anakin scowls. “I appreciate the fact that you feel as though you can cover the extremely busy roles of both headmaster and principal of an elementary school, but I would really rather wait until the other parent gets here so we can most productively discuss the altercation, Mr. Kenobi.”
“Please, Mr. Skywalker,” Kenobi says. “Leave the litigation to the court rooms, we—”
“It’s Esquire, actually.”
Kenobi’s face grows very pinched around the mouth and eyebrows. Anakin feels a vicious thrill course through him even as his stomach flips again.
“I suppose I should have made it clearer at the beginning of this session,” Kenobi says, tone dripping in you idiot. “This is my son, Korkie.”
Anakin’s mouth falls open. His immediate thought is, of course, Korkie Kenobi? And he thought Luke and Leia were too cutesy for twin names.
“Korkie is a family name,” Kenobi adds rather dryly. “My late wife’s grandfather’s.”
Anakin doubts that’s even true. He bets it’s not actually, that Kenobi just plays the dead wife card to get out of judgemental questions about his naming abilities.
But then another, worse thought occurs to Anakin. “Wait a second, you can’t be the parent and the principal!”
“I assure you, I am impartial.”
“Like hel—heck you are!” Anakin straightens in his seat and Luke lets out a grumble, clinging tightly to his front. “I demand a different authority.” “No,” Kenobi says firmly, as if the matter is at rest. This, of course, is absolutely infuriating.
“It’s unfair bias and I will not see either of my children punished in a tyrannical and self-serving institution—”
Kenobi pinches at the bridge of his nose. “Mr. Skywalker, unless you would like to have me call Mrs. Cinoff away from her pre-mature baby, I am the best option this school has. Please. Settle down.”
“Dad,” Leia says, “I don’t want to miss reading time.”
Anakin breathes out in disgust. Shitty, overpriced private school. This sort of thing would never happen at a publicly funded school.
“The fact of the matter is that Luke pushed Korkie off the swings,” Kenobi says with a stern look at both Luke and Anakin. He holds up his hand when Anakin opens his mouth. “An incident that many were witness to. And before you make an accusation, there were many witnesses who were not on the school’s payroll, Mr. Skywalker.”
Anakin closes his mouth sullenly.
“Korkie could have been very hurt, Luke,” Kenobi says, clasping his hands in front of him and looking down at Anakin’s son. “He was swinging pretty fast when you pushed him, and he could have broken his ankle in the fall.”
Luke’s bottom lip trembles. “I didn’t want to hurt him,” he mumbles, turning his face back into Anakin’s sleeve. “He was being mean. I just wanted him to stop.” “I wasn’t!” Korkie cries, sitting straight in his chair for the first time since Anakin’s arrived. “I wasn’t being mean, dad!” “You said Leia’s hair looks like cinnamon buns on her head!” Luke shouts back, pushing away from Anakin’s arms to glare at the other boy. 
Anakin winces. When it’s Padmé’s turn with the kids, Leia always turns up to school with elaborately braided hair, twisted on top of her head in elegant formations that look effortlessly pretty. He knows that’s not Padmé’s work, but he also can’t figure out if Breha or Bail is responsible. It’s not something he wants to ask.
The fanciest Anakin can do, after all, is two buns on either side of Leia’s head. 
That do, truth be told, look rather like cinnamon rolls.
“Ah,” Kenobi says. “I believe I understand the miscommunication here. Korkie, would you like to tell the Skywalkers what you meant when you told Luke that Leia’s hair looked like cinnamon buns?”
If possible, the kid turns even more red, blushing furiously. “I really like cinnamon buns,” he mutters, crossing his arms tighter. “They’re my favorite.”
“He’s started asking for them for breakfast several times a week,” Kenobi tells Anakin with a smile lingering around his lips. “I’ve been wondering why.”
Anakin isn’t sure he likes the explanation. Sure, Korkie can have whatever sort of crush on his daughter that he wants to have, but likening her hair to cinnamon buns isn’t very kind, and he’s pretty sure that if someone else was the judge in this trial, they wouldn’t be so quick to justify the other boy’s words.
Luke seems to agree with him. “Your hair looks like carrots,” he snaps, crossing his arms.
Because Anakin is an intelligent adult who understands that making enemies with the headmaster’s son isn’t the best move, he adds on the Skywalker family’s behalf, “Luke loves carrots.”
Luke, in fact, hates carrots. 
“There is still the matter of Luke pushing Korkie off the swing,” Kenobi says, eyebrows raised like he understands exactly what’s going unsaid here. “We do not encourage physical violence of any sort here, and it was dangerous. Korkie could have been hurt much more badly than a scraped knee.”
The words are very serious and grave, and Luke wilts under the headmaster-principal-father’s disappointed stare. Anakin bristles.
“Well, it’s his first infraction,” he says. “And he was sticking up for his sister. I think that’s fair. He won’t do it again.”
“Hm,” Kenobi says, pushing papers aside and pulling out a glossy leaflet. “Now, I cannot force you to consider this, but I noticed that neither Luke nor Leia are currently enrolled in any of our extracurriculars.”
“They’re five.”
“We have many on offer at Jedi Prepatory School,” Kenobi continues as if Anakin hasn’t said anything. “And I wanted to highlight our peewee hockey league. I think both Leia and Luke would enjoy the rigorous schedule, and they may…benefit from the…structure it offers. And team activity.”
Anakin glowers. He can read between the lines. Kenobi’s just called his parenting style structureless and lazy. It makes him want to grab the pamphlet and rip it to shreds in front of him. “I would have to talk about it with their mother,” he says stiffly instead.
“Of course,” Kenobi says cheerfully. “When you do, please give Bail and Breha my well-wishes as well. It’s been far too long since I’ve had the time to see them, given how exhastingly busy it is to be the headmaster and principal of an elementary school.”
“Right,” Anakin grits out. “Yeah. I’ll let my ex-wife’s new partners know.”
Kenobi’s smile is all teeth. “I look forward to seeing you in the rink, Mr. Skywalker Esquire. My son plays on the team.”
Anakin wonders if there’s another peewee hockey team he can have his kids join. Just so they can beat Jedi Prepatory school and then laugh in Korkie and Dr. Kenobi’s faces.
Yeah. That sounds really nice.
He’ll look when he gets back to work.
This takes priority.
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coconut-cluster · 6 months
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hello all I just wanted to pop in and say I am in fact writing chapter 5 of Crowns and Cutlasses, I didn’t just dip after posting the notes lol but I WON A FULBRIGHT so i have been busy and insane
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bernese-mountain-dyke · 3 months
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I love my job and I love the work I do and I hope to get better and learn more as I advance in my career. That being said. I fucking hate this insdustry so much why is being treated like shit the one standard we have across the board, all I’m asking for is a lunch break
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel#the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule#and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office#classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a#mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively#i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when#i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an#office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then#when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low#energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its#like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that#i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my#lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to#convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture#of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like#they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha#yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc#i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself#from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode#and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at#like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop#so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd#also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry#bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting#hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that#the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun#unrelated
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hannie-dul-set · 1 year
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also the most unwanted drama esque shit keeps happening to me why can't my love life go the way i want to.
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wyvernne · 1 year
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miss wyvernne how did you like your first year of law school!!( Im thinking about going to law school n I want a good gauge at what it’s like)
it was honestly so much better than i thought it would be. it’s a lot of work, and i won’t downplay that. just constant reading and studying, often at the expense of sleep and rest. but it absolutely flew by. i got my final grades back this past week and it really sunk in that i did it. it definitely took the first semester to settle into the groove of it, and a lot of overthinking that i was making a terrible mistake. but if you’re willing to put in the work and can find a solid way to cope with the stress then it is absolutely worth it. people talk smack about lawyers but it is super rewarding knowing that we can help people in some of the most difficult moments of their lives.
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hxlcyon · 1 year
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there's an orv meetup at sakuracon with special ribbons and ive never been this close to downloading a mf sugar daddy app to go
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I decided to give a romance novel a try even though it’s about a teacher bc it had really good reviews and I thought maybe I have enough distance from the classroom now but NOPE. The inaccuracies are too much.
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Cross state sprint 1, Westbound portion safely complete!  Lots of good music in the car today, and while its battery life has been diminishing, I am happy to report my 14 year old iPod can still play through the entire 5 and a half hour drive (only if I leave it alone and don’t skip songs).
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fabulouslygaybean · 4 months
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my elementary school invited the seniors back to explore the building and it's so surreal
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tarotphil · 6 months
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fingertipsmp3 · 1 year
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Okay I have an interview with a temping agency that organise TA positions. If I just end up straight back in education after this whole side quest I’m going to laugh and then cry
#okay i hated teaching but tbh i didn’t mind TAing? and i have this friend who said they were thinking about leaving education entirely#until they switched to TAing and now they love their job#they TA in primary school though which… to me is insane. i spent a morning volunteering in a primary school and it was just full on chaos#like please give me adults or at least older teenagers lol#other than that… i mean i think i’d be okay as a TA. i’m just fully out of practice doing interviews in the education field#i remember that they’re super strict and i remember some of the questions they ask. they aaaalways ask about safeguarding and british values#which are really simple questions to answer. they want you to say something like ‘i’d report to the safeguarding lead’#and name a few british values; maybe walk them through how you’d approach the subject with a class#for a TA it’d probably be even less intense than that. they’d just want to know i’ve had Some prevent training#the rest i don’t really know. probably just the usual stuff about my experience and why i want to TA#they’re probably going to be way too interested in why someone with a master’s degree and multiple teaching quals wants to be a TA#and take the salary hit; and the honest answer is i don’t like teaching. i don’t like the long hours or the responsibility#but i don’t mind working in education and i know i have the necessary skills to do so lol#regardless. i’m just going to prep for the interview and then do it. it’ll be fine probably#personal
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broke-on-books · 1 year
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Reading I Crawl Through It by A. S. King THIS WEEK OUT OF ALL THE WEEKS like...
Omg standardized testing? That's my next two weeks fr! (The past 2 weeks have been prep)
Random drills and alarms? We had one of those earlier today!
Bomb Threats? That reminds me of the shooting threat we had last week!
Naked guy hiding in a bush selling craft projects to teenagers? Okay actually I've got nothing there
Anyways haha I very much would love an invisible helicopter right now... 🤞(even if it would only be visible on Tuesdays)
#blah#just of all the weeks of my life i could have picked up this crackhead insane stack of bound papers.... it was this one. absolutely wild#also i googled shooting threats in my area to make sure i wasnt doxxing myself and there was a ton of results for just the past few weeks#including a school ive been to nearby lol so anyways LOVE that for us wow#this book is SO wild actually but if im being honest i kind of get it. almost vomited mid conversation this morning bc i was so stressed :)#also my test ''strategy'' is like not to worry abt it and ill do fine HOWEVER. if other people panic then i start to panic and then i fail.#anyways someone beam the entirety of calculus into my brain in the next week because i remember nothing apparently (despite getting As on#every test. love how that happens) and also the rules for both my government exams bc i don't even KNOW HOW MANY FRQS WE HAVE#and also spanish. please god im begging i have to do good on spanish. ill fucking shatter if i fail or barely pass that one god please#haha anyways we're not stressing about it! because this week is ''stress less week'' so obviously that means no one is stressing right????#right?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?#hgggggg anyways i FINALLY FINALLY got a slot to pet the animals this year. (normally the SGA kids take them all) so yeah i may have *counts#on fingers* 15 hours of exams and 16 hrs of exam prep in the next two weeks but i get to pet baby goats for 5 mins (like actually 5 mins)#during my lunch tomorrow so whos the REAL winner here#okay i may be going more crazy than i thought haha anyways we're having a GREAT time and likely won't study today bc studying makes me#stressed and procrastinating delays the stress and if im going to be stressed anyways then.....#god i feel so bad for my friends with anxiety right now. im feeling it bad and my chemicals are generally where theyre supposed to be#anyways time to read my book more haha best of luck to my fellow test prep friends on here
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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