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unforth · 3 years

Note

Hello unforth! Thank you for your wonderful blog, and the the untamed art blog!! I followed you years ago for destiel, and you were one of the people that got me into the untamed. I watched it last summer and have been binging various cdramas ever since!! I had a question for you about reading. After watching the untamed I read the novel, and didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I think you’re someone who prefers the show, but if not, sorry if I’m remembering wrong… hoping you understand. I want to try reading other novels but I found the romance in mdzs to be kinda off. I guess I’m wondering if you have a recommendation for the best novel you’ve read so far? It would be great if it’s one with fanfic but if not I’m still curious to try! I hope this didn’t come off as rude about the untamed, it’s just a personal preference. Thanks in advance, and thanks again for all your work in fandom!

Howdy! *waves*

You have not misremembered, I definitely prefer the Untamed to the novel of MDZS (and I'm with you, no shade on people with different preferences, of course!). I also didn't enjoy the novel of MDZS as much as I thought I would, though I think some of that was because I read the Exiled Rebels Scanalations translation which - again, no shade, translating that was a HUGE job and kudos to them - but I do here from native speakers that some questionable translation choices were made, which can detract from some people's enjoyment of the novel (and can enhance other people's, it just depends how those translation choices relate to each person's personal likes and dislikes).

Now, I can tell you what I've read and what I've thought of each one, happily - I don't know what turned you off about MDZS specifically, beyond an aspect of the relationship dynamic, so it'll be hard for me to say which of these might appeal to you more? But, here's a list of which danmei novels I've read, and my opinion. The list is shorter than you'd think - danmei novels are long and I read slow, lol.

Note that all of these end happy, for various definitions of "happy," and the main ship is canon in all of them. Also note that I tried to avoid spoilers, but sometimes it's hard to even talk about the ship dynamic without some mild spoilers.

These are (roughly) in the order I've read them; I just finished the last a few days ago. All art is by the official artists, but I'm not always sure what their names are, sorry - I've tried to figure them out for my art blogs but it's REALLY hard.

1. Mo Dao Zu Shi, by MXTX.

(since I'm writing this post for you, and you're already familiar with it, I'm not putting in TW and plot)

My take: I figure knowing my opinion of MDZS will help you assess all this? There are things I loved about MDZS, including the book, but MDZS is still obviously trying to figure out pacing. Whereas in SVSSS, the storyline doesn't always flow that smoothly and the ending is rushed, in MDZS in my opinion the biggest issue is that she clearly didn't plan some things ahead. For example, Miangmian and Wen Ning are both introduced within a few pages of when they'll be needed to Do Shit. It shows that she hadn't quite worked everything out as she was going, and every once in a while was like, "shit shit I need a character for this thing" and hastily added them. The plot itself is better paced, though, though I could have wished for a less talky denouement. When it was the only one I read, I also often thought, "this author doesn't understand consent," and, "this author has kinks I don't share." Now that I've read all three of her books, I completely retract the first one. MXTX absolutely understands consent, and was intentionally playing with it in MDZS. Not sure if the evidence of that got lost in translation, or what, but...yeah.

Relationship Dynamic: ...the second of those opinions, I still kinda feel. The consensual non-con is just not really my thing, like I'm okay with it in small doses? And I don't love some aspects of Lan Wangji's domineering attitudes and Wei Wuxian's act of bare tolerating it. And don't get me wrong, now that I'm more familiar with her work, I think it was an intentional writing choice and I also think they're both largely roleplaying it a lot of the time...but I still don't personally enjoy it much.

2. Scum Villain Self-Saving System, by MXTX.

Genre: modern transmigration into a fantasy xianxia world.

Where to find it: English translation by BC Novels | donghua season 1

Trigger warnings for: graphic descriptions of suffering, non-con of the "fuck or die" variety, and body horror...I can't think of anything else rn?)

Plot: SVSSS is MXTX's first novel, and is a satire of classic stag harem novels. Shen Yuan, the protagonist and half the main ship, is reading a serialized web novel by "Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky" about a demon named Luo Binghe who has a harem of over 3,000 women and has done all kinds of ghastly awful things. He hates this novel but has read all, like, 3 million words of it or something, and trolls every chapter...until one gets him so angry that he dies...and then he wakes up in the book right around when the book starts, in the body of one of the early antagonists, a cultivator named Shen Qingqiu who abuses a young, innocent Luo Binghe physically and emotionally and, ultimately, is horribly tortured to death. Shen Yuan, in Shen Qingqiu's body, thus sets out to not be horribly tortured to death by Luo Binghe. Hijinks ensue.

My Take: In terms of my opinion of it...SVSSS secured for me that MXTX is a much more brilliant author than I thought when I'd only read MDZS. She understands tropes and subverts them brilliantly throughout the story, and from a writing standpoint, I was impressed with her. However, from a plot standpoint...she's got all the ideas but hasn't, imo, yet figured out how exactly to bring them all together. The pacing is off at times, and the ending felt abrupt to me. It's also the only danmei I've read where I ship a side ship more than the primary one (which is, of course, Shen Yuan (as Shen Qingqiu)/Luo Binghe. (also, oops...I read SVSSS after TGCF and just put them in the wrong order, oh well, not gonna change it now.)

Relationship Dynamic: In terms of relationship weirdness...it's hard to sort in that regard, because, like, it's supposed to be weird? I think it's a really interest book but I'm not sure I'd recommend it in your situation. Bingqiu's main dynamic is...uh...tolerance and obsession? They're kinda hard to describe. Shen Yuan often seems like he's just kinda putting up with Luo Binghe, whereas Luo Binghe is...god. So hard to describe, lmao. He's a big clumsy ox in a museum full of porcelain dishes and he really, really loves his Shizun. (also note that Shen Qingqiu is Luo Binghe's teacher. They don't get together until after they're not master/student, but if that's not your thing, another reason to avoid.)

3. Tian Guan Ci Fu, by MXTX.

(art is by Starember)

Genre: historical China (loosely), xianxia (note that I'm still figuring out exactly how stuff gets classified so sorry if I get one wrong, but I think I kinda get it???)

Where to Access It: English Translation by the astonishing yummysuika | manhua (this is an official translation by Bilibili! It's a few chapters behind the actual release, but still...) | donghua season 1 is on Netflix | a live action adaptation is juuuuust getting started on script reading and filing

Trigger warnings for: MCD, temporary MCD, body horror, graphic violence, epic levels of mind fuckery, uh...genocide?...again, racism/colorism, probably other stuff, sorry, I can't take as long as I'd like to for this post so I'm not being as thorough as I oughta be.

Plot: TGCF is about Xie Lian, an 800 year old man, and it commences at the moment when, unexpectedly, he ascends to godhood...for the third time. Unfortunately, when he ascends, he accidentally does some damage in Heaven, and he has to repay that, so he gets sent back to earth to deal with a ghost who's been causing some problems. Hijinks ensue...and then fucktons of angst ensue...then more hijinks...then more angst...and basically it broke my heart like four times and I am grateful for it every day? The main ship is Xie Lian and a ghost named Hua Cheng, but it's hard to even talk about without some spoilers because of some identity shenanigans. (they're VERY mildly identity shenanigans, but still).

My Take: So, you asked what my favorite of the danmei novels I've read is? It's TGCF. TGCF is one of my favorite novels ever, and it has a growing fandom, a donghua that's on Netflix, and a live action that's just starting to film. TGCF is the culmination of the skills MXTX developed through her first two works, imo. She clearly plotted it out all from the start, and while Book 1 especially often seems kind of random - lots of elements are introduced and then kinda...apparently...forgotten? And never explained? But she actually DOES bring it ALL together and it's flat-out masterful. I'm a big fan, obviously.

Relationship Dynamic: it again depends on your preferences and what you didn't like about MDZS, and there's no way to talk about it without spoilers, so consider yourselves warned. Xie Lian ascended to godhood first at the age of 17, and right around then he also saved the life of a 10 year old boy...and that boy is Hua Cheng. Hua Cheng is a follower of Xie Lian's, in that Xie Lian is literally a god, and Hua Cheng is literally one of his followers. However, they're separated for almost 800 years, so the age difference is largely irrelevant, and while some people complain about Hua Cheng's behavior being stalkery and obsessive, I honestly think they're dead wrong. It's more like when you read a celebrity/fan AU, and it starts weird, and then they really genuinely fall in love. Like, the fan may have been in love the whole time, and how they felt about the celebrity before they really met might feel slightly ooky, but it's how they act AFTER they meet their idol that matters more, and...yeah, Hua Cheng is great, they're both great, antis fight me. Xie Lian is easily one of my favorite characters EVER, he is all my favorite tropes in one horribly, wonderfully fucked up martyristic idealistic sweet kind laid back package. I would kill for him, lmao. In terms of their relationship dynamic...they love and respect each other? There's really nothing that weird about it other than the aspects of the "fan" Hua Cheng that get revealed over time - and he's always terrified that when Xie Lian realizes what a fanboy he was, Xie Lian will be upset or disgusted, but of course Xie Lian never is. They adore each other. It's glorious. Highly recommend. :D There's also no explicit content in TGCF (unlike MXTX's other two books).

4. The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (aka 2ha) by Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat.

Genre: original world, xianxia, time travel, dimension hopping, it's so many things, 2ha is so hard to describe lmao

Where to Access it: English Translation by the amazing yummysuika (things are complicated, though, and it's not finished) | a manhua is in the works and should be out this year | a live action called "Hao Yixing" or "Immortality" is already filmed and could theoretically air literally any time cause it's completely ready, but when will it actually come? Who knows!

Trigger warnings: all of them. Literally. MCD, temporary MCD, murder, suicide, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, rape/non-con, abuse, manipulation, gas lighting, torture, graphic violence, body horror, literal graphic onscreen horrible blood murder of a small child (I had to skip that chapter), teacher/student relationship sort of but not exactly, probably other stuff, this book is dark as fuck, and a lot of these tags apply to behavior of one half of the main ship toward the other, but...it's complicated, and there are reasons things happen, and those reasons aren't "well they're just a bad person."

Plot: This is another one that's hard to describe because there's sooooo much mind fuckery going on, but I'll try. 2ha is about Mo Ran, who rises to be the Emperor of the World, Taxian Jun, but slaughtering all who oppose him...and who is so miserable that he commits suicide, only to wake up in his 16 year old body. This is pretty much perfect from Mo Ran's point of view, because he's gone back so far that the love of his life, his fellow disciple Shi Mei, is still alive. He has a chance to fix everything that went wrong, starting with preventing his awful evil Shizun, Chu Wanning, from letting Shi Mei die.

Spoilers: the main ship in this book is Mo Ran/Chu Wanning.

Hijinks do NOT ensue. There are no hijinks in 2ha. It is all pain all the time (but I swear it ends happy).

My Take: ...well, from a structural standpoint there are some pacing issues. The book is incredibly long (over 300 chapters, over 1 million words) and there are definitely some chunks that could just be excised and it'd still be fine. However, other than that, it's pretty amazing and absolutely masterful how it's plotted. As a reader you'll spend 100+ chapters thinking you know what's going on, and who the good guys are, and who the bad guys are, and how they relate to each other...and then Meatbun starts in on revealing what's ACTUALLY going on and she then spends 200 chapters repeatedly punching you in the face! Like, I went in knowing a LOT of spoilers, because the tags were so dark that I felt that for my mental health it was important I have a general idea what was going on, and I STILL ended up sobbing my eyes out (and I am NOT an easy crier and don't usually cry at books) over something I knew was coming.

Relationship Dynamic: That's about the only thing that the title accurately conveys about this book. "The Husky and His White Cat Shizun," sounds so soft and fluffy, right? That's how they get you, ha. But, Mo Ran is absolutely a big dumb husky who wants to do the right thing (well, sometimes he does) but just completely fails depressingly often. When he sees someone he likes come in the front door he WILL jump all over them and bark in their face as his way of trying to communicate affection. And Chu Wanning is equally absolutely a cat. He is emotionally constipated, poor at expressing himself, uptight, touch starved, desperate for affection, and so lonely my chest hurts when I think about him. And for how they relate to each other...well, picture that big dog greeting a loved one at the door...except that loved one is the most hide-bound proud white cat you can imagine.

That's their dynamic.

(However, also...there are multiple timelines at play, and Taxian Jun does some truly awful things to "his" Chu Wanning in the original timeline, and many of these things are graphically described, and while it's ultimately all explained, it still all HAPPENS, so if you're going to have trouble reading fucktons of abuse between the main ship, I would not recommend this book)

5. Thousand Autumns (Qianqiu) by Meng Xi Shi.

Genre: historical China (like, references actual people, as far as I can tell), xianxia

Where to Access it: ...reading Thousand Autumns is HARD, it's split over like four websites/translators. This Carrd can kinda help? I can get you the rest if you want | donghua season 1 | I heard there's a live action in the works? But I don't know more than that.

Trigger warnings: graphic violence, mentions/threats of sexual violence (but it's all stopped before things really go wrong), starvation, description of child death (from starvation), near-death, emotional/mental abuse, major semi-permanent character injury, god, minor character death, they're major characters depending on your pov, I can't actually think of others, after writing about 2ha it feels positively fluffy). Note that there's not really any explicit content, just implications of smut, and not til basically the very end and extras.

Plot: Yan Wushi, sect leader of a demonic sect, has just come out of an extended seclusion to improve his cultivation when he and one of his disciples come across a man who is wounded to the point of near death. This turns out to be Shen Qiao, the sect leader of Mount Xuandu. When Shen Qiao awakens from his wounds, he's lost his memory, AND he's blind, and Yan Wushi decides it would be great fun and an excellent use of his time to fuck with Shen Qiao by trying to turn him evil - because Yan Wushi is certain that ALL people are inherently evil, and shattering Shen Qiao's veneer of righteousness will just help prove that.

Spoilers: it's not a veneer.

Not spoilers: Not many hijinks ensue, but there are a few hijinks, and even when it's not hijinxed, it's still not that painful...usually.

My Take: despite that synopsis, a lot of the plot of Thousand Autumns is actually political, and I like political plots, so I liked that aspect of it. However, it has some serious pacing issues imo, and it's also hard to read in English atm because it's not fully translated; it's close, now, much closer than when I read it a few months ago, so it'll be easier to read soon. Or maybe I shouldn't say it's pacing problems, but rather, it's more of a sequence of multiple major plots, strung together, with the growing relationship between Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao playing out in the background. I think if I'd known there was no "one big plot" that would have actually helped me, because it kept feeling like, "Oh, THIS is the main thing," but it never was. Things would feel climactic...except then there'd be more. So it's probably better to actually think of it as more...episodic? And the episodes/stories build, and interrelate, and do have a culmination, but not all of them directly tie in, and not all the threads end up coming together/getting resolved.

Relationship Dynamic: early on, Yan Wushi is definitely abusive and manipulative, intentionally so, and I would argue that, imo, Shen Qiao falls for it. However, mid-way through, there's some big reveals, and after that when they're reunited Shen Qiao no longer takes any shit and Yan Wushi continues to act like he doesn't care even when he clearly does. They're not a typical ship in ANY WAY, and I'd say their relationship is more founded on mutual respect than on love. Indeed, in the author's notes at one point MXS actually says they doesn't see them as the kind of couple to ever exchange love declarations, and I thought that was really interesting and it really helped me to understand how they worked together because I'll own I struggled with at times. Yan Wushi is self-interested, often cruel, and ethically and morally dubious. Shen Qiao, on the other hand, could probably ascend to Daoist godhood, he's so pure. Yet...they DO work. I'd say "opposites attract" but that's ALSO not their main trope, not exactly. They're a VERY hard ship to explain, and I know some people who've read the whole book and still don't really...get them...and I've had to really think about them to wrap my head around them...but the more I've thought about them, the more I like them.

6. Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by Man Man He Qi Duo.

Genre: historical fiction set in either actual China or make-believe China, I'm not sure if this is directly incorporated any real people

Where to Access It: English Translation by Perpetual Daydreams | manhua (untranslated, I'm not sure if there's anyone translating it into English) | I think there's a live action in the works? Not sure beyond that though.

Trigger Warnings: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation, drug addiction, drug abuse, chronic illness (different character than the drugs), manipulation, abusive, awful parents and parental figures (not all, but definitely some), some homophobia (but way less than there could have been), probably other stuff

Plot: After 7 years away, Zhong Wan returns to the capital of the Empire with the three children of his benefactor, the seven-years-dead Prince Ning. Prince Ning was executed for treason against the previous Emperor, and Zhong Wan has done all he can to protect and raise the three kids, but he's got a lot of worries about returning to the capital and what could happen to his charges if they get pulled into the politics surrounded the Emperor. But, even worse, he's got even more worries about being reunited with Yu She, nephew of the Emperor, with whom he has more than a little history...and about whom he has been lying for the past 7 years, claiming that he is Yu She's lover, in a bid to help use Yu She's reputation to protect Prince Ning's children.

Hijinks ensue.

And so does a political nightmare.

My Take: TYQHM was a hard book to get into because there are just so many characters and it's all about politics - this is NOT a xianxia or wuxia novel, and these characters are NOT cultivators. There's basically nothing supernatural in the whole book; instead, it's about Zhong Wan and Yu She figuring out their own histories, and accepting each other, while trying to survive in a political world that increasingly wants both of them dead. However, I adore political plots, and when all was said and done I really enjoyed it, and I'm trying tooth and nail to claw other people into the fandom with me, so far with basically no success. It only has like 15 works in English on AO3. And so not only does it not fit that requirement of yours...

Relationship Dynamic: ...I think you would also probably not like the relationship dynamic? Zhong Wan is a bit like Wei Wuxian-as-Mo Xuanyu, except more...genuinely? Like, it's his actual personality, not an act, in quite the same way. I don't mean the "flamboyantly gay" part...usually...he definitely has his moments...but he's just...like, he's been through so much that he'll basically say anything, and drag himself entirely through the mud, to distract people who might hurt the three kids (they're like 16, 13, 13, now I think? It was never THAT clear to me, tbh...certainly, all are at least 10...) and, later, Yu She. He has zero face, and doesn't mind having negative face when he feels the situation demands it...and Yu She, on the other hand, has MAJOR depression issues, is sure he deserves nothing, and mostly wants to destroy everyone around him and then kill himself, at least until Zhong Wan starts giving him a reason to live again. But, more than that...Zhong Wan is like the fucking epitome of a bratty subby bottom. He wants to get fucked SO bad. And Yu She is an incredibly reluctant dom, hilariously so at times, uncomfortably/manipulative so at others. When all was said and done, I was pretty fond of them both, but there were definitely moments that made me grimace, and given what you say of how you felt about MDZS, I think this one is less likely to be to your taste?

Bonus 7: Guardian by Priest. I never finished the novel version of Guardian because the translation had some issues that caused me not to enjoy it, so I won't get into it too much, but again, Guardian is a very different book than any of the others, because it's modern fantasy(ish, like, it's still deeply embedded in Daoist-related tropes but it's more "magic spells" and less "cultivation." Like, in terms of what it's like, it felt more like Japanese modern Onmyoji style stories, to me, than it felt like the ancient Chinese wuxia/xianxia cultivation stories.). I'm not gonna get into lots of details, because I read part of the book more than a year ago, and have seen the show (which is VERY different) like three times, so I can hardly even remember what they're like in the novel. There was definitely some weirdness, though? If you're potentially interested, I'd suggest starting with the drama instead. The plot for that is...

Plot: Zhao Yunlan heads a Special Investigation Unit in the human world tasked with maintaining a treaty between humans and the dixigren ("undergrounders") who are (in the show) aliens (in the book...it's the world of the dead). While doing this job, he keeps running into this professor, Shen Wei, who definitely knows more than he oughta.

Hijinks ensue.

And then it murders you with feels.

The live action streams from YouTube - here.

(Warning: uh, I don't want to give spoilers, but my "guaranteed happy ending" does NOT apply to the Guardian TV show...but it does apply to the book, as I understand it.)

Anyway, this was a terrible use of my time but it was definitely more fun than what I should be doing, and it's probably way more information than you wanted or needed, but since I wasn't sure what exactly you had in mind, I figured...might as well be thorough?

(Today's hyper-focus fail: this post, ha...)

#unforth rambles #i'm not gonna tag the fandoms because i give my own opinions #some of which aren't all THAT positive #i think it's best if I don't just dump that into the main tags

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ghoulishhusband · 3 years

Text

I just realized I can actually talk here. Like this is my account fuck u

Fucking uhhhhhh, hi ig lemme ramble abt my God ocs yea?

Ignore this part if you don't wanna hear (likely) unedited rambles lol it doesn't matter

CW: neglect/abuse, assholery/narcissism, manipulation, tread lightly!

read the under cut owo

Also don't steal my art I'll fucking?? Fight you????

I have three main gods that I wanna talk abt especially bc they've been on my mind lately.. Less get it, side notes are in (parentheses) and are bolded cause I have perception issues whoo I don't want it to jumble together is my point lol

First up is my asshole,

Giodine

they/them (preferred)

god/godself (i like pronouns that fit my characters, so I'm giving a bunch away for one night only at--)

ID : Giodine is colored with gold-ish yellow skin and ginger hair. Their eyes are a muted purple and they have tiny eyebrows. Their lips are a muted brown and are full looking, their nose is sharp and points down. They have wings for ears and is wearing a blazer with a long-sleeved, collared shirt underneath it. The background is beige with a yellow square and a dark purple square partially encompassing it. It is signed GH (for ghoulish husband), Spork, 21.

(lemme know if that helps at all! I'm sure I can do better so lemme know!)

If they look weird here it's bc I accidentally made their face too long but believe it or not this is in fact just a doodle Ik I'm so fuckin talented babes.

Anyways, they're basically the first God to ever exist on my version of earth (though even that is fickle rn, world-building is hard unless I hyper-focus on it, and haha Guess What I Haven't Been Thinking About) and they're very egotistical and selfish. As I'll probably yap about later is how they're manipulative as well, especially to another God I'll mention, and very neglectful to the other... other one.

Their partner(professionally), or fiend as they call him, is sam who for the first few eons was, unsurprisingly, absolutely terrible to him. A few tender moments are few and far in between in what could only be described as a completely rancid relationship. I'll describe giodine's side and in sam's lil ramble, I'll describe his :]

I have to explain this because it's a big part of the lore and how they can't work together, even when one of them is very much near The Void (technical death for gods) BUT basically, with Sam, giodine created purgatory. The issue here is that they basically seduced sam into doing it. Well, even if they hadn't, sam was in lesbians(happy pride month lmao) with giodine and would've done it anyway. But the ISSUE is that with the creation of purgatory came complications. See, my gods have to take time to develop into their power, and considering giodine was first and sam was around 666th.. you see the issue. Sam wasn't into his complete power yet and thus lost a giant part of it that went into purg.

See, giodine saw no problem with this (until much later, they do get a VERY SLOW BURN redemption arc cause this ain't even the worst of it), they got what they were aching for out of them and thusly had no need for..sam. They laid him in the spot where she was made (fwi it isn't inherently sexual, it can be, but literally, they just merged together-- taking bits and pieces of each other (which sam did not have enough of) and earth and light yadda, yadda I'll post the story I wrote for that later if I'm up to it) and left him there in the grass.

Again, they saw no problem with that, the deed was done, they didn't care anymore. A common issue in their qualms, sam and Giodine. They did find an issue in Sam finding an issue in the lack of aftercare, which resorted to any message going to or coming from sam going straight to his assistant and going back through them for a couple of thousand years. They found that infuriating-- how could he not face them over something so small! and for years?! it was ridiculous. After forcing a face-to-face meeting, a heated proclaim of hurt from sam, and a bitter agreement to meet up every now and again, they got what they wanted from him. Again. It was a business after all, there was no point in making it harder than it needed to be.

Giodine doesn't necessarily like boundaries and tends to overstep sam's frequently. They also don't like his reaction to his boundaries being long jumped over, which thusly ends up in disgruntled messages being sent back and forth between them and his assistant for a month or three. It slowly gets through to them, but they tend to say some stupid shit and if they want sam to stay, they have to try and avoid mentioning how "overly sensitive" he is to something that happened eons ago.

(quick mention, there isn't like. time. here. so in all honesty, giodine probably counted earth days instead of Heaven 'days' to get that) Soon into their arrangements to meet, they seem to get on at least tolerable terms, obviously, a few meetings where neither of them feels like going apeshit and taking proper shapeless (or in sams case, he's got a newfound form for ANGER OO just for giodine 🤗) forms isn't going to fix a grudge that has yet to be apologized for by the way. But it's a start to a very long process down the road. Tolerance.

Giodine as an entity is very fickle and rude and demanding. They tend to have a short temper that no one else is allowed to have or comment on-- They were the first therefore they were the most important!

This is very obviously an issue. But it's mostly directed to purgatory. Almost all of their seething rage is pointed towards the poor entity, she's barely been alive yet and they already seem to hate her for things she doesn't know how to do. Honestly, I don't think Purg will ever fully forgive them for the unnecessary abuse of her character, but just as Sam and Giodine get on better terms, they had barely just begun fixing the hole in their relationship. As of now, Sam/Giodine don't have any minor plot points with purgatory other than the major one so I don't have a lot to say about their relationship right now. Maybe one day.

I'd go into details, seriously, but I just wanna ramble about their relationships with each other and their impact on each other's existence. Hope you don't mind a few secrets 😉

But, now, it's time for a new God, one I think most people take a liking to...

Sam (Samuel)

He/him

ID: Sam is surrounded by clouds in the light blue, fading to a darker blue sky and the yellow sun. His horns are a darker beige, which is being highlighted by the sun shining down on him, he also has pointed ears. His skin is red which is very prominent in the sun. His eyes are completely yellow, his hair, beard and mustache are also black. He has an orange scar crawling up to his Adams apple. His wings are a darker grey which is also being highlighted by the sun. His nails are painted black and his hand is holding up the black fabric barely covering his shoulders. Around the painting is a gold and red shaded frame with swirls complimenting each side and a crystal at the bottom of it. It is lightly signed GH, for ghoulish husband.

Sam, Sam, Samuel.

If you don't realize right away, Sam is basically Satan, he's the ruler of hell

Like how giodine was the first to appear on earth, as mentioned before sam was 666th for funnie reasons. Sam was made from bugs, dried blood, and sunlight which sounds pretty gross, but he's far from it. He's a silly, yet neat, guy. He wears Hawaiian shirts and khakis (not around giodine lmao) for cryin' out loud! how bad of a person can he be? Apparently to giodine (for a while obviously) he was the most retched entity to exist. This very much hurt him considering the amount of fake care they showed him before. With a mixture of confusing feelings (which wasn't supposed to be a thing but Univerce went "lmao you'll be fine" and left... short explanation, Univerce is the Universe and is the entity who simply builds these planets and gods that'll appear there and leave them to their own devices, xyr not extremely important in this story. Nor would they care.) and feeling used, he decided that no he wasn't going to take that.

If there is one thing Sam knows how to do is to self preserve himself, even if that means getting passive-aggressive notes sent to him every once in a while. While this period, Sam was surprisingly the least productive (unfortunately giodine knew this and eventually mentioned it in one of their meetings which made him hide away cause like hell giodine was going to be critical of /him/) but he managed. It wasn't terrible, but unfortunately, Sam being able to talk it out with someone who does practically the same work as he does and gets newer, more helpful ideas was better in the long run.

Unsurprisingly, Sam was the first to initiate the healing of his and giodine's relationship but it wasn't reciprocated. Who would've figured, aye? Giodine kept pushing it back onto him and ignoring any progress that could've been made before. Which was frustrating.

The painting above was 'painted' by giodine, which is sorta where their relationship gets somewhat on an understanding of each other. Giodine gets to take a deep long look into who Sam is and tries to express it but it never fit him, it makes them realize that they never really-- truly got to know him. And all it does for Sam is make him even more confused about his place in giodine’s mind. He figured it's another fluke to get him to do something, so he ends up distancing himself when they start actually reciprocating his friendship advancements.

Suddenly, like a flash, Sam was forced to stay with giodine which is where the majority. I'll explain.

Sam...isn't actually the ruler of hell. Anymore, anyways depending on the timeline. His and purgatory's relationship has always been complicated, she always avoided him, and when they talked she always seemed scared of him. So in the end, they've never been close. Distant. Sam always wanted to talk to her, he made her, but if she didn't want to talk to him he wouldn't force it. But imagine his surprise as Purg singlehandedly took over hell in a hazed frenzy.

And not only that, had a personal vendetta against him!

Well, that would be the only explanation to Sam considering how he ended up broken and barely 'alive' at the hands of her. Horns broken and in tatters, pain and almost obliterated it felt like a hate crime. He didn't know what to do when he made it to the office, Purgatory was creating chaos outside his door and barely being able to breathe he felt like it was the end. So he called giodine.

Purgatory

She/her

ID: Purgatory is surrounded by flowers that are dark grey and white. The light fades down into a dark green. The light shines down on top of her straight, white hair that has yellow flowers tucked into it. Her skin is a dark brown and has a orange-ish yellow scar on her shoulder trailing up to her neck. Her skin is also highlighted by the sun. In one of her eyes, her sclera is black with an orangey, glowing iris. As for the other eye it it has a white sclera and the same, glowing orange iris. She has wings for ears, one dark grey and one white along with beige horns. She has a white fabric covering her chest. The frame is gold with white accents, but also has vines and moss crawling up the side.

(may have goofed a bit and forgot to color the sclera of her other eye white but ignore that pls)

Purgatory was made by Sam and Giodine, but to her it felt like a mistake. Why make someone that you’re going to be terrible to, she believed. Giodine seemed to hate her and eventually made her section almost obsolete because she simply wasn’t able to keep up with the backlog that she wasn’t taught to deal with. Not only that, she didn’t have any help with any of it, it was almost like she was expected to just do it on her own. Until Death came along to help, but that’s not what we’re going to be talking about right now.

And also, Purgatory is Purgatory yadda, yadda, I wont insult your intelligence.

Giodine’s thought process (other than wanting to be Real Close to Sam and once that thought filtered out, promptly ignored it) was that all the extras that don’t fit in either category of their thought of good and evil they’d go to her. (doesn’t matter cause in Sam's system it filters through ‘levels of assholery’ and depending on how bad you are you either just vibe in the upper city under rule of capitalism and possibly many under paying jobs or being actually tortured for his amusement if you’re just evil. Morally grey. Anyway, it could work p well in heaven if giodine wasn’t such a damn stickler.) But in the end, every day, less and less people ended up in purgatory, leaving her with barely any people and more verbal abuse from giodine who ‘HAS to take them or they would be more dead than they already are’. You see the pain she has to go through, right?

~Idea section, this is probably not canon anyways so dont take it serious~

My thought is that another oc (BA, you may have heard of him idk) takes over simply because Purg took multiple hims from alternative timelines (which isn’t allowed but what’re they gonna do, undead a dead clown? multiple times from multiple timelines???)) because she adored him and they figured ‘well we gotta redo purgatory may as well do it like this’ and make him a demi-dead-god. i think thats a cool idea right? anyhoo

~Idea section over uwu~

Purgatory overall is a fairly timid character, she doesn’t like conflict, is easily overwhelmed, and generally keeps to herself. She doesn’t see the point in being in any drama if she’s just going to be yelled at and scolded even if it’s not about her. The only way i could describe her taking over hell is this:

She was tired. She was angry and after feeling like nothing was in control or in her hands, she snapped. Why doesn’t she get anything or get to be ‘all powerful’ but they do? She knew if she took on Giodine she’d likely get thrown to the void, but sam? He felt fair game. Considering her fear of both of these gods, she planned and got her courage up to take him over. She had considered negotiations but in the end, she ended up going into a haze and ruining everything in sight. She was more powerful than she thought and once she started, she didn't stop until Death restrained her and Sam was already in pieces at God’s doorstep.

The aftermath was fuzzy for her and for everyone really. Godine was planning a take back hell while actually worrying for sam, sam was planning for a retirement, and she was being consoled while trying to get in contact with sam to apologize. Giodine wouldn’t dare let her talk to him, until she just showed up in their office. She didn’t have a problem with Sam, honest, she just was going to take shit over, but it got out of control.

Spoiler, Sam took her apology and they actually became.. somewhat closer after reaching an understanding.

I wanna say that giodine took them being okay and sam retiring as good as sam did about purg running hell, but they didn’t. Giodine and purgatory actually barely got along in the first place, and only begun ‘working’ on their bitterness toward each other because they both had sam to encourage it. I can’t say for certain if they’ll get better, as theyre both undying and have time, but I’ll just say for now its uncertain.

Also, Death is Purgatory’s girlfriend after all of that lmao.

And.. yeah, i hope this makes sense and that you like my drawings and ramblings about my lil story in my head, i guess this is my way to develop it without just keeping it to myself cause god forbid i keep things to myself hshsh. If you made it to the end, thank you for taking the time to read and attempting to process everything, and even if you didnt read and just looked to look at my art thank you to!!

I may post some art over on @ghoulishhusbandart cause.. it was my art account before i completely forgot about it but i might reboot it! But if you wan art NEOWWW follow me on insta (ik cringe lmaoo) by the same name as this account @ghoulishhusband or just click that insta link! also ignore the fact that giodine is the only one without a portrait, maybe I’ll replace it the next time i draw but im graduating on monday and my dad’s coming TOMORROW?? so i won’t have too much time to do it... but i hope you like my art anyways :]

ok!! ty!! ily!!

#ghoulishrambles #ghoulishsporkocs #man this is weird lmaoooooo #THE CUT DIDNT CUT IM SORRY #Man I should've edited this before ppl could see it I'm so sorry if it's a mess shshhs #I keep adding tags bc I have more to say but I wanna pin this but I don't wanna remove that Palestine post just for my ramble so #I'll just reblog it every once in a while

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dongiovannaswife · 4 years

Note

Would it be overkill if I asked for all of them?

How about 1, 3 through 8, and 11, 12 and 13? Oh wait, is that too much? Sorry if that's too much! ( > w < ') (I just love you and GioGio together❤)

It’d be a shame if I answered them all right here right now, during my break *eyes emoji* *eyes emoji* *eyes emoji*

Thank you so much for sending this in! ily friend. ♥♥♥

@star-birthmark said: Alright so I'm gonna pull a Lena and just ask for all the questions. Is that good? Great. Love ya

I was just thinking about you doing the same to me so HA I read your mind. ASAsask. Thank you so much <3

Under the cut for those not interested :D i did not proofread bc my head hurts ;w;

1. Does your F/O have a birthmark? (or any type of freckles or beauty marks?)

Beside the glorious star birthmark (which I know I have a spicy hc about uwu) Gio has this super curious and small birthmark on his back, it’s not that noticeable unless you see him closely uwuwuwu.

2. Is your F/O the type to volunteer to their community?

I mean, he’s,,, literally a mafia boss. His posture on Passione and his work is far from honest, but I feel like he’d actually would open shelters or donate to good causes, and since I hc him as a lawyer, perhaps he volunteers from time to time so he can help people with cases, obviously he doesn’t accept any money from them, as he knows what it’s like.

3. Does your F/O the type to be giving or to take?

Younger Giorno (I’m not talking from a romantic aspect, calm down please), is the one to always give and get surprised when he gets something in return —the adult Gio from my ship knows how to give and receive equally.

What I’m trying to say is yes, but I don’t know where yet, haven’t thought a lot about that.

4. Does your F/O have any battle scars?

Better yet —is GER able to regenerate cells fully? That would make him like a super cell, you know. No but seriously, say GER is able to do so, and Giorno wouldn’t have any scares from the events of VA; but what if his moral called for him to do so, to let his skin carry some of them. Say, a scar from Narancia’s last moments on his chest, unnoticeable now due to the tattoo on his chest.

5. Does your F/O wear make up? (Do you think they would be open to wearing makeup if they don’t wear it daily?)

I feel like he’d wear the casual lipstick from time to time, but not really always. Unlesss someone *wink wink* convines him to do his makeup one day so he can try it.

6. Has your F/O ever dye their hair or worn a wig?

Nah.

7. What is your F/O fashion taste?

ignore the boob window and think about luke Hemmings or this. Exquisite, would give him kith.

8. How tall is your F/O?

1.98 cm uwuwuwuwuw

10. When if your F/O birthday?

9. What is your F/O’s blood type?

AB.

April 16. ♥

11. Does your F/O know how to cook? If so are they good at it?

He knows how to cook, yes, but he’s not that good —somehow I feel like his coffee would taste LIKE HEAVEN.

12. What is your F/O favorite flavor? (sweet, sour, bitter, salty and umami (savory))

Sweet, definitely. When he’s a bit tired from it, though, he goes for bitter things.

13. If your F/O could be a fan of any video game what do you think it would be?

Metal Gear Solid 4.

14. What type of aesthetic does you F/O have?

The sense of freedom when you glance at the sunrise. If that makes sense of course.

15. What color if your F/O eyes?

Turquoise! So pretty aaaaa uwu.

17. If you could matching tattoos what would it be?

16. Does your F/O have any tattoos? If not do they like or hate the concept of tattoos?

An owl on his chest, a vine on his index from his left hand and a sunflower on his ring finer; he’s thinking of getting something for the twins, but he’s not sure about what yet.

A small Aloe Vera potted plant on our necks (based off an ask I remember getting a while ago —if that person is still around, your idea might come true buddy).

18. Does your F/O have any piercings?

I die for the thought of him with a lip ring. But I don’t really think he has any of them, the lip ring is a matter of,,,, other impulses akdjslkd.

19. Is your F/O a cake or pie person?

Both. Both is good. Has a leaning to pie, but loves both.

20. Is your F/O a morning or night person?

Night person.

21. Is your F/O a coffee or tea person?

Coffee, I don’t think he likes tea *that* much.

22. Is your F/O half empty or half full type of person?

I’m not sure, tbh.

23. Does your F/O have a pet? If not in canon what do you think they would have if given the chance?

Listen, a panther would make the best pet for him. But I think he’s a cat person. Not like he doesn’t like dogs, but a cat is probably something he enjoys most.

24. Is your F/O the type to want to live in the city or live out in the country?

City.

25. Does your F/O like to swim?

Yes.

26. What harry potter house would your F/O be in? (Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin)

Nah fam, I’m not really interested on HP, sorry.

27. If your F/O was in “avatar: the last air bender” what type of bender would they be? (air, water, earth, and fire)

Some of you will kill me for this but I haven’t watched it, ever. :D

28. Is your F/O LGBT+?

Nope, at least not for me. You are free to headcanon him as you wish. Pleadon’tstartdramathisisnotmeanttooffendanyone.

29. Does your F/O have any artistic hobbies? (Knitting, drawing, painting, etc)

Drawing, but it’s most for stress relief.

30. What’s a piece of clothing your F/O is never seen without? (glasses, a necklace, hat, etc)

The arrow he hangs around his neck or just carries around hidden.

31. What type of scent does your F/O remind you of?

There’s this perfume I absolutely love and I can’t really describe it, but it’s WildCountry.

32. What’s something you see often that has little to no relation to your F/O but always reminds you of them?

Flowers and vines :,)

33. Do you have any silly nicknames or pet names for your F/O?

A LOT.

34. What does your F/O house/apartment look like? (or what do you think it looks like)

If we talk about his years of “I live alone yeee” then pretty much no decoration, excepts for the plants or books he keeps —overall, what you could call monochromatic. Once we get married, we pick a style, with classical sculptures and roman like architecture

35. What season reminds you of your F/O? (winter, spring, summer, fall)

Fall.

36. Have you ever had a dream with your F/O in it?

Yes uwu.

37. Does your F/O play any musical instruments?

No really.

38. What’s a song that reminds you of your F/O when you hear?

Gold by Prince.

39. What is your relationship like with your F/O?

We,,, in love,,,, yes.

40. How long have you been with your F/O? (or at least been interested in them?)

Interested in him,,,,,, I’m not sure if one or two years?? But in the “”””storyline”””” seven years.

41. Where is your F/O from? (as in born)

Japan.

42. Is your F/O the type to read reviews, or just go with their gut

Better yet, contacts.

43. What does your F/O’s Saturdays usually look like?

Some paperwork at home studio, comfy causal clothes (black jeans and white tee, barefoot).

44. What is your F/O’s most valuable possession?

The arrow lmao.

45. What’s a fad you can see your F/O taking part of?

Analyzing music together!! :D

46. does your F/O prefer to work alone or with a team?

Team.

47. How well does your F/O know tech? (such as computers, smart phones)

I feel like he knows a lot asdkad.

48. What’s some advice your F/O would tell you?

“Stop thinking you are not enough, stop thinking no one loves you, stop thinking you are worthless; stop with all your self-destruction.”

49. What animal reminds you of your F/O?

Lion!! :D

51. What’s the most interesting fact you know about your F/O?

50. What color reminds you of your F/O?

Gold AND turquoise

Canon or made by me?? The first would be his favorite musician, because OH I like that musician too, even before knowing him. The second it’s about his scars.

#shiningdoradiamond #star-birthmark #GioLena

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rexcaliburechoes · 4 years

Photo

You know that game idea I was kicking around for a bit? And I ended up writing like. A bunch of paragraphs for it? Yeah, that one.

Well, I made some mock designs for it.

As it goes, I know 0 about character design and I am not very good at posing and proportions, as well as the fact that this is all a WIP and will probably never go anywhere. Good? Good.

Warning, this is pretty damn long because I discuss some potential character interactions and the designs because I need to talk about it lmao (obligatory readmore because I talk too much lmao)

Viola

Viola’s the odd one out of the three because I he just kind of popped into my brain one day and I went “sure let’s roll with that” simply because I was throwing around ideas for the rest of the String Quartet as it were (Violin, Viola, Cello, and Bass). The other two I sat myself down and said “I’m doing this today okay” and then I did it but he’s weird because he just naturally occurred as it were.

I’ve imagined him as something of a moody teen. He’s also kind of defensive and prickly and a bit angsty. He’s sweet under that outer shell of thorns, though. He has something of a inferiority complex to Violin, since as far as I am aware, violas don’t usually get solos in classical orchestra (though I could be 100% wrong and I’m admitting that bc I don’t remember much of symphony orchestra. Actually I remember a lot of symphony, but not enough, sadly).

Violin teases him a lot, but she makes it known that she doesn’t mean any of the joking barbs she throws at Viola. She knows he’s important in his own right, but still the jokes can hurt, so he’s distant from her. He wants the spotlight too, but he’s also a little afraid of it because what if he makes himself a laughingstock when he finally gets his solo? Poor thing.

Design-wise, I think he’d wear probably a dark red hoodie with white trim, or something. Idk. Yes, he wears skinny jeans (in black, probably), and no, I don’t know why I drew him with cuffed pant legs. He’s a Converse kind of guy, I think, and his hair is is a bleach blond. No clue if his hair has any other color in it.

He doesn’t wear his hood up all the time though. When he’s particularly moody, he’ll probably pull it over his head (I imagine his default sprite is him with his hood up because I think he won’t be that open to the player just yet) and close the strings, but otherwise, his hood is up enough because he wants to or it’s down because he wants to.

Imagine though, if the player gets enough “bond points” with him, his default will change to him having his hood down because he’s more comfy with the player, in general (and maybe the player like seeing his face idk) and that’s a barrier broken. Imagine Viola being a cuddlebug with the player because they’re so warm and it feels nice to be around them. Imagine Viola smiling more instead of looking grumpy. Imagine Viola finally opening up and learning that he is worthy of being a string instrument and he is loved and cherished for who he is and that he doesn’t need to be better than Violin to have worth because he is is own person, and that’s what matters.

Imagine him mending fences with Violin in a sidequest. Violin stops teasing him so much (but since she’s like a sister to him, of course she’s going to annoy him- it’s what siblings do) and Viola being more open to her and showing her that warmth he too has.

Gameplay-wise, since he’s a member of the Strings family, he would have a higher ATK stat with lower DEF and HP as a tradeoff. However, he’s more beefy than Violin, who probably is The Glass Tank to the entire String family. Maybe Stradivarius is the Most Glass Tankiest out of all of the Strings. I dunno.

Guitar

Okay, so I’m not gonna lie, Guitar is my favorite design out of the three here. I don’t know if I wanted him to be bishounen or ikemen but since I can’t draw ikemen at freaking all, I went the bishounen route. but I think he’s still more handsome than pretty, so maybe he’s already ikemen?

So, I imagine Guitar as more of a mellow guy. He’s nice, maybe unremarkable, but that’s what’s great about him. He’s definitely handsome though, and he knows it. He’s most definitely a flirt. He takes pride in his appearance, but isn’t vain. Out of the Guitar brothers, he’s probably the most “chill” one. He’s also “cool” because… yknow. Guitars are cool. I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t really didn’t know what else to put for his character, so I might add or change things as I see fit in the future.

Design-wise, I wanted him to be pretty. In fact, the first thing I had in my mind was a white button-down and a vest. What I did not foresee, however, was how much of a pain in the ass drawing a collar was. I forgot how much I hated drawing collared men’s shirts lol. I actually wanted one side to be untucked, giving him like… a roguish?? Sexy??? Vibe. But I decided against it because it didn’t look good At All.

The vest was also a “should I or should I not” thing. Maybe it was because I really liked how I drew the shirt. i was worried that he’d look too formal, but I don’t think he looks too formal after it was finished. The coat slung over his shoulder was a “cool” booster lol. He never wears it, just like he’ll never button the top button of his shirt.

His color palate would probably be tans. White shirt, tan vest. Probably black pants, and the jacket is a wildcard. No clue what color it would be. His hair is probably a sandy brown and shiny. It looks very soft and it very much is. Most of the guitar players I see have long hair and/or a beard, so maybe he’ll have a little stubble? Dunno.

Imagine the player getting enough “bond points” with Guitar and him actually meaning what he says because initially he wanted to tease the player a bit or that was just a way he jokes around but now… he cares for their well-being deeply. Imagine Guitar being goofy and an utter prankster like his brother Electric Guitar. Imagine him being a bad influence to the younger/more impressionable instruments and getting all of them in trouble with the player because he too is cheery and bright but he’s just more well known for being mellow and romantic and smooth and he just keeps up with that image because he’s worried that others view him as strange or they would abandon him because he’s a popular hobby instrument but sometimes hobbies don’t pan out well and he’s been left in some attic alone and unplayed and abandoned only to be sold again to another person.

Imagine him worrying over his brothers because they’re doing something dumb and he has to bail them out. Imagine in a sidequest, he loses his cool and goes absolutely feral because his brothers are in mortal danger when he initially had more of a distant relationship to them.

Gameplay-wise, I imagine him to be a little more like the Brass family (of which I have yet to actually do anything for)- more beef in exchange for ATK. But since he’s from the Strings, he naturally has higher ATK and has more skills associated with the Strings family.

Violin

Okay. I have played violin for over 7 years guys. I haven’t played in an orchestra for a while though so my inf might be outdated or something because I’ve not been in an orchestral environment for two years.

So I’ve imagined Violin to be something of a drama queen? That’s too strong of a word for it, but I can’t think of anything else. Dramatic, perhaps, suits her better. She’s certainly formal and definitely haughty and “cultured” but she’s as cultured my file directory (aka not at all). Well, that’s a lie. She certainly has class. She likes attention but she’s not an attention whore and also she doesn’t have that much of an ego. She takes her job very seriously, too, and is a perfectionist. Perhaps she’s more like Viola than she lets on…

She appreciates the “little guy” as it were and is not one of those “ohime-sama” characters. Yes, there’s a stylistic difference between a fiddle and a violin (bluegrass/country vs classical and jazz), but in the body and neck of the actual instrument, as well as the range, there is very little to no difference. The main differences are the strings (fiddles typically use steel strings for a brighter sound compared to violins which use synthetic or traditional gut strings) and the bridge (flatter for string crossing/chords and rounded for single note playing).

I’m getting ahead of myself. I imagine Violin parties hard in addition to simply being all wound up and “classy”. Like, she’s probably the one doing karaoke and shots and in general being Wild while also being her typical Responsible, Classic, Dramatic self. She’s also quite sweet and is a hopeless romantic, but she has something of a short fuse and can get really scary when she wants to be. She’s probably Disaster Bi.

Design-wise, my first thought was concert blacks. Seriously. Whenever you hear “violin”, please tell me that you, too, hear someone in an elegant black dress, absurdly beautiful and pristine? Just me? Okay. She has beautiful brown hair that’s wavy and silky and soft and maybe it’s magic but it changes color slightly in the light when you see it at a different angle.

Imagine the player getting enough “bond points” with her and she finally starts to let her hair down. Imagine she invites the player to a karaoke bar or simply to a small party/gathering she and a few other instruments have planned because she wants to have fun. Imagine she sets up a drinking game that includes Spin The Bottle or 7 Minutes In Heaven or something because she can be fun and she’s not just uptight and known for being for the nobility. Maybe she’s insecure about how others see her because she’s been seen always as a tightly wound person and she too can have fun and be wild and free and happy and not a stick in the mud. Maybe she’s a perfectionist because that’s what’s been drilled into her from her creation because she’s usually a sign of nobility and nobles have to be perfect and she must be perfect to charm crowds of people and she’s only beautiful because she’s perfect but she’s beautiful even with her imperfections and her quirks and she doesn’t need to be Wild to prove that she can be fun and that’s okay.

Imagine her and Viola making up in a sidequest. She knows that she teases him and pokes fun at him a lot but she really doesn’t mean it. She knows that he’s an important instrument in orchestras and she tells him that yes he is needed and is important and yes, she’ll stop poking fun at him because she realises that her comments actually do hurt and she doesn’t want him to feel unloved. But she’ll still annoy him because that’s what big sisters do but she’ll stay away from those kinds of jokes because she doesn’t mean it and it’s mean so she’ll stop.

Gameplay-wise, she’s definitely on the more glass canon side of things. She has excellent ATK, but her DEF and HP are kinda… shit. I’d pair her with other String instruments that have higher DEF and HP to help balance out her flaws or even put her on a team with Percussion or Brass or even have her with a Woodwind to help with healing and she’ll do the damage necessary.

#rex rambles #rex can't draw #rex can't write #that game that rex keeps developing #rip the readmore went away... Sorry;;;#violin #viola #guitar

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the-canine-king · 5 years

Text

i answered all 50 questions in that oc question post

note: i'm only talking about the ones i made lol i was gonna link them all the character’s names to their profiles but that shit’s way too much work so: https://toyhou.se/CanineKing/characters/folder:all/tags:1/tagged:Original

1. Your first OC ever? hmm, there's probably two answers 1) an unnamed character who was basically a fantasy dressed fox kemono boy. do you remember playing a game as a kid where you look out the window in a car and you imagine someone doing sick parkour beside your car? he was the character i imagined (there was also a whole other story i dreamt up where i was some long lost princess from other world and he was gonna save me from this one but that's a whole other thing) he's technically a character i thought of but never thought of anything beyond that, i don't think i ever drew him either 2) 4 (maybe 5) characters i made in middle school where it was about these characters that come from families that can bend one particular element, and they're all friends on school trying to get used to their passed down powers and also be basically kid superheroes. i drew them out and gave them names, but i never wrote anything beyond that, but they were definitely ones that i would call my first actual written ocs 2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs? -looks at ace, eliott, and mel- no 3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else? yup! before i wasn't so big on the adopt thing, but i turned into a fan w/ collecting designs and writing a lil story for them! i adopted 38 characters, and one other that's currently still in the process of trade :P (and unfortunately trying to purge some away) 4. A character you rarely talk about? unfortunately that'd be a lot of characters bc i'm super focused on drawing ace/ mel smooching for the 548787th time 5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? i'd probably make it eliott bc who else doesn't love a cute, shy, goat boy on the internet 6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related? ...... i can't think of any lmao 7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories? i literally only make ocs to make stories so 8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here! nah i can't do rp stuff :'D 9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else? honestly, not really if i made them lol but i guess i can if i'm not attatched to them and such, so if i just made a design and offered them up then yeah i can trade them (unless i love their design lol) 10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? even thought i haven't fully drawn my plans for his outfit, azazel would be the most complicated in my standards 11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? me personally, i'd say eliott bc that baby boy is trying his best story wise, either thorne or lucas (but totally lucas since thorne is a liar at heart) 12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot TOO MANY AUGH the very first oc i fell in love with but was forever homes was like a fantasy setting character that was an adventurer and had eagle legs/ other features w/ banging colours but other than that too many others 13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? again, a lot, i guess. bc they mostly fall into that trope? aiden (even though he's trying to be a better person), damien, eve, hugh (in a way), jack, ollie, ricky, roman, and wyatt 14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory uhhhh, hard to choose, i don't have any more bc i haven't written their backstories yet lol - growing up as a theif his whole life to support him and his mother, accidentally kills someone after an awakening of powers and is had to run from his hometown - growing up being shadowed over and forced to be someone that they're not, only to get their hubris get to them, causing themselves and others get hurt and can't even remember the person they loved - growing up w/ betrayal after betrayal she closed herself off, but they met someone and slowly opened up and accidentally fell in love w/ them, only later getting caught and fell from grce, then only to find the person they trusted before not remember them - after being caught on what seemed to be a fatal accident, gets rescured from a miraculous surgery, but he's slowly forgetting what he looks like and who he was every passing second - two people close to each other, only to end up w/ betrayal and lies 15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people? absolutely but if they ask me something i haven't planned yet i'm just "UHHH" 16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? 17. Any OC OTPs? nah ace/ mel is my notp :/ anyways if it's couples in general then: - ace/ mel - lucas/ darla - kaiko/ caspian - + a bunch of the parents in the monster family story - damon/ ollie (okay i'm really not planning for them to be together, but they cute u.u) - jebediah/ demon boyfriend - gunther/ harem - nadiya/ her girlfriend which i still haven't decided if i want her to be like a princess or a traveling swordsman of sorts) - the chimera girl i designed/ her human girlfriend - the fallen god/ mercenary 18. Any OC crackships? uhh i actually don't know :V anyone of the people listed being w/ someone else would be a crackship? idk every other pairing i know i wouldn't like lol 19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why) i guess eliott! i guess also catherine, ricky, comet, and/ or captain since they were my fist group of ocs i wrote a bit about, but i think eliott means a lot more bc he was the one that got me thinking more about ocs :> 20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)? for some reason i feel like rosa would be a singer? va hc would be someone w/ a strong husky voice and she would probably sing really well in kind of old slow songs you hear in old bars i also thought maybe lillie could sing too, but they’d usually be softer songs or lullabies to calm herself down it’d be nice/ cool to write for fallen god to be able to sing as well, and maybe the mercenary too so they can have nights signing together. maybe fallen god can sing songs that are in their own god language or whatever, and mercenary can watch in awe there may be others but i can’t think of them rn/ they might be charas i haven’t fully made yet 21. Your most artistic OC lmao it’s a bunch of ocs that i haven’t developed my ocs enough for me to know so let’s skip i guess 22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? i mean, people get some stuff wrong about my ocs sometimes but they’re usually so small that i really don’t care about it lol 23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like? hmm they relatively stayed the same personality wise but i assure you everyone’s changed from their initial drawing of them 24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why? that's. a really hard choice actually lol bc i wanna be hugged by one of the parents in the monster family story i made, but i also wanna hang out w/ the characters that i can comfortably hang out w/ lol 25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?) everyone’s got a bit of shared piece of themselves w/ their ocs don’t they? 26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? against my will? i can’t think of anything that i changed against my will so no :V 27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? the only two i can come up rn are: alistair (devil wears a suit and tie) and rosa (o, raven) 28. Your most dangerous OC? i guess the chimera girl i made since she’s trying to fit in the modern life? i mean i still haven’t thought of her story yet but i know she Angery 29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going? ace, aiden, maybe keaton 30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? mel, eva, roy 31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really) eliott: landscape stuff, muted colours, mystical content here and there ace: default theme, memes, probably has a side blog that’s more of an aesthetic blog mel: super aesthetic blog, romance themed 32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? literally anyone in the renegade group i could’ve said anyone in the hunters group but they’re all fucking idiots (lee would be more closer to the renegade’s level tho) 33. Your shyest OC? eliott, roy, audrey, fallen god 34. Do you have any twin characters? i literally want to design twin ocs just to have twin ocs jdshfkjsdf 35. Any sibling characters? audrey, dylan, and elle + eve and juno + ace and jack 36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? nah not really lol 37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human ?? i barely have human characters in the first place, unless this one means humanoid :V 38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? iiiii can’t think of anyone other than the two parents i thought of that i’m planning to be dance teachers lmao 39. Introduce any character you want i haven’t drawn them yet but fallen god and mercenary are two unnamed characters that i recently started thinking of where fallen god falls from the heavens and looses their sight, and the merc runs from their past meet and they team up together w/ the merc being fallen god’s eyes and the fallen go being their protector 40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share! i guess it;s just sentimental ones like, first ocs, first compliments, first art/ fic of them, etc. 41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!) YEAH AND EVERYONE DRAWS THEM CUTER THAN I DO (well i mean these were from freebies, art trades/ games, and gifts but still) please check out ace’s other’s art gallery and eliott’s other’s art gallery, bc they have the most of them (bc i ask for them a lot lol) 42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? whoever in middle school age i guess 43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess big n beefy, jokesters, heart of gold 44. Something you like about your OCs in general that i made them all (well of course not the adopted kids) 45. A character you no longer use? everyone every time i don’t focus on their story anymore than i used to ;;;; 46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly? fortunately no, and i hope no one does and it’d stop to others bc wow that’s rude as hell 47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? okay literally the first time i made eliott, everyone i knew wanted to adopt him as their kid lol 48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure eliott, parker, elle (i love all of them tho :’D) 49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes ace, roman, ricky, aiden, dylan, eva, ollie 50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want i love all of my babes okay good night

#king speaks #ocs #yetanotherOCmeme #long post

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theghostofashton · 6 years

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“don’t say that.”

yeah um. today sucked. this is major projection, based off a couple things i read on @bisexualgawsten (i made a post with screenshots if you want to see it. it’s the last thing i posted. but anyway yall should follow them if you don't lmao i have their notifs on bc i check their blog too many times a day to be considered healthy)

but yeah heavy depression and anxiety trigger warnings i'm sorry

Geoff's been gone for over three hours.

He said he'd be back in two. He said he was just going out with some old friends for dinner and he wouldn't be gone long. Have a couple beers, catch up, he'd be back before Awsten knew it- And Awsten swallowed hard at that part. He remembers how thick the saliva felt in his throat, sticky, clinging onto his windpipe as it slid downward and made a bed for the nausea to lay on.

He knows Geoff drinks. He's seen him drunk too many times to count. Even before they started dating, whenever they'd go out to parties or end up at the occasional bar, Geoff would get caught up in all the action and pressured into taking more shots than he planned to and end up completely inebriated. It's not new. It's not different. He's done it so many times before and everything's been fine.

It feels different tonight.

Tonight, there's a blurry fog over him, a permanent fixture of shower steam over his eyes. It's the kind of shower that doesn't feel cleansing. It's traveling in swirls up his back and each one peels back a layer from his chest, one by one until the only thing that's separating the wrecking ball from slamming into his heart are his ribs, shaking in his chest cavity as they try to hold themselves up.

The pain is a paintball that's long splattered. It coats the wall of his skull thickly, dripping down in a constant flow, like droplets collecting on the edges of a water bottle. There's always something there when the bottle is turned upside down, always one more droplet to fall and sink and absorb into his body to sprout a new pain plant.

Tonight makes every other bad night this week seem like heaven.

Tonight he thinks about everything, thinks back to the aching eyes and tearstained cheeks and crack that had formed in his heart, how it got bigger and bigger as more pain funneled in, filled it up until he felt like he was bursting. The ache was so big, it was so much – he didn't think it was possible for one human being, one body to hurt like this. Tonight he thinks about staring straight ahead, about the home he made amongst the tangled sheets and rumpled covers and damp pillowcases, about looking at the wall but not really seeing it. It was like the worst x-ray vision ever, being able to see through and inside and imagine, look through his life through that shower steam filter, like he was floating while everything else zoomed past.

Tonight he thinks about Geoff and how he's finally out of the house, out with his friends, out with people who don't have devastation and disappointment and depression. Tonight he's Geoff Wigington, who laughs obnoxiously at stupid jokes and drinks beer and lets no traces of it's gonna be okay, love. I'm here for you spill from his mouth. Tonight he's Geoff Wigington who doesn't have a useless sack of flesh waiting for him at home, Geoff Wigington who gets to be Geoff Wigington, gets to take a break from Awsten's Caretaker, for a night.

He knows Geoff is tired of it. He has to be. It's gotten particularly bad in the past few months. The experts say at least one depressive episode constitutes major depressive disorder. He's had two in the past month. Weeks straight of not being able to drag himself out of bed, not being able to get his ass up and go on any of the cute dates Geoff had planned, fly to LA to record songs, start working on ideas for the new music video...weeks straight of not being able to do anything except lay there and let the hornets drill into his bones until he was nothing but hollow, let them pierce his skin and settle themselves among the holes they've made. He was defenseless and he was invaded and they've spread like a disease.

It's been three hours and Geoff isn't back yet and his phone has lost ten percent battery in almost that amount of minutes from how many times he's checked it. It's been three hours and he doesn't know what's going on because Geoff is the type of person that texts him all the time, especially when he's like this. He can't lie back and stare at the wall unless he throws his phone on the floor because it's constantly lighting up with messages, 'I love yours' or cute selfies or teases of a surprise (usually food) Geoff's bringing home that night. Geoff's a great texter.

It's been three hours and Geoff isn't back yet and his phone has lost ten percent battery from how many times he's checked it.

What if he's gone-

"Stop." The word feels like knives cutting up his throat. He hasn't used his voice all day, feels like.

What if he left you-

"S-Shut up."

What if he finally had enough of your shit what if he's gone what if he left you what if he's done for good what if he's gone forever what if you were too much for him what if you were too much for him what if you were too fucking much for him-

"N-No!" He sits up with a start. The breaths are coming fast. Too fast. He can't keep up. They happen in quick succession. He presses the heels of his hands into the mattress and gasps his way through the series of pants.

He's gone he left you he had enough that's why he hasn't called that's why he hasn't texted that's why he isn't back yet he's gone he left you he's had enough you're too much for him too much too much too fucking much you drive everyone away you don't let anyone love you what the fuck is wrong with you why can't you let someone love you why do you have to be such a depressed piece of shit all the time-

He flops back down to the bed and turns his face into the pillows as the tears really start. They soak warmly against the fabric and move, slimy, against his face. He can't stop shaking. The room is spinning around him. It's the worst roller coaster ever and he wants to get off.

He bites his lip and tries to hold a sob back. It balls up at the exit of his mouth, sends out sparks and flames and ignites his entire body. He has no choice but to let it slip.

He wants Geoff. He needs Geoff. He needs the arms around his torso and the chest to bury his head into, the hands rubbing at his back and kisses against his temple. He needs Geoff's fingers buried in his hair, the rubs at his scalp that – on some days – are the only reason he gets to sleep, the scent that wraps around him, tendrils warming up every part of his body on the numb days. He needs Geoff he needs Geoff he needs Geoff-

He knows why. He gets it. He understands. Being with someone like him is like having a burden instead of a boyfriend. He's sad all the time and writes too many depressing lyrics and gets angry a lot and overreacts to everything; he never wants to leave the house and hates being social and gets anxious in the places there is absolutely nothing to be anxious about. Being with him is like dating the largest case file in the world. He's a sack of flesh with too many problems and a head that won't shut up and it annoys even him most days.

He doesn't blame Geoff.

He wouldn't want to be with him either.

...

He curses loudly as he drops his key, scrambles to grab it and press it into the lock once more.

He's never been in a traffic jam that bad. It was bumper to bumper with absolutely no movement – he probably could've gotten out of his car and walked home faster – and it went on for over three exits on the highway. The restaurant his friends chose was a fair drive; it wasn't too far, but it did involve getting onto the highway and driving for a bit. He thought they'd be done before the road started to get clogged, but to their luck, it ended up being the polar opposite.

He finally pushes the door open and steps inside, immediately reaches down to unlace and toe off his shoes. He hangs his jacket on their coatrack and unwraps the scarf from around his neck.

"Awsten? Sweetheart, hey, you still up?"

His heart is throbbing. It's pulsating new waves of pain by the second. The signal was so bad and the drive was so long and it seemed like everything that could go wrong did, a cocktail of consequences that culminated with him not being able to reach Awsten and tell him what was going on.

He hopes he didn't worry too much.

"Aws?" He lowers his voice in case Awsten is sleeping, walks through the apartment and into their shared bedroom. And then he stops.

He can hear it. Tiny whimpers and choked sobs are coming from their bed. The blankets are tangled and tossed together in a way that completely eclipses Awsten from view. All Geoff knows is that he's crying. "Fuck, sunshine, what's wrong?"

The next few moments unfold so fast that he barely registers them.

Awsten practically falls out of bed and runs the short distance to connect them, jumps up – and Geoff thanks whoever is up there at this very moment for his quick reflexes – and into his arms. He buries his face in his shoulder and wraps his legs around his waist with a gasping sob, and then he's crying again.

And Geoff's own heart feels like Awsten just took a hammer and smashed it to smithereens. He rubs Awsten's back and holds him tightly. "Easy, easy love. You're okay. Try to breathe. Whatever's wrong, we can fix it, I promise."

He lets Awsten down a couple seconds later, but takes him into his arms as soon as his feet touch the ground. Awsten wraps his arms around his neck and he moves his to Awsten's waist, bringing him as close as physically possible without completely crushing him. "I'm here, I'm right here, angel. What happened? Talk to me. What's got you this upset?"

Awsten doesn't answer. He moves one hand up to his back, just below the blades of his shoulders, and starts to rub. Awsten's hair is tickling his nose and poking at the corners of his mouth and he puckers his lips, pressing a kiss to the soft strands. "I can't help you if I don't know, love. What happened?"

"I-I-" Awsten hiccups and lifts his face to meet his eyes. "I thought you left."

"Left?" If this is going where he thinks it is...

"Me," Awsten spits out. "You said two hours and then it was three and you wouldn't answer and you didn't text me like you always do and I just- thought you didn't want me anymore." He pauses. His voice is choked. "That you'd finally given up on me?" He phrases it as a question and goes silent afterward, stares up at Geoff with his bloodshot eyes and wet cheeks and quivering lip.

"Awsten..." He trails off with a shake of his head. He knew. He knew this would happen. He knows Awsten's anxiety too well for him to not have seen this. He knew Awsten would worry, he knew that his mind doesn't do well with worry and skyrockets things with completely plausible explanations to mythological heights. He pulls his hand from Awsten's back and moves both to cup his cheeks, to keep Awsten looking him in the eye. "Sunshine, I would never. I love you, okay? I love you with everything in my heart. You're the love of my life. I would never leave you. I never want to." He takes a breath and rubs his fingers along Awsten's jawbones. "I'm not going anywhere. You'll always have me, I promise."

"I just- you didn't- you usually, I-" Awsten stammers. "I'm sorry."

"We finished in two hours," he explains. "And then I hit so much traffic on the way back, angel, I promise I would've texted you if I could. But my phone didn't have signal because it was a dead zone and it was bumper to bumper for three exits straight. It was a mess. I promise you, swear on my life, I would've texted you if I could."

He knows what Awsten needs. He's been doing this long enough to memorize it. No amount of reassurance is enough for someone with depression. The disorder is like a monster perched on your shoulder, digging its claws into skin and pressing its words into brain, he doesn't love you he wants to leave you he already left you you don't deserve him. He knows that no matter how many times he says some things, Awsten may never believe him. He's okay with that. He'll keep saying it until it happens.

He feels the arms around his front again. Awsten presses his cheek against his chest with a whimper of finality. "I'm sorry...I just- I didn't hear from you and I assumed- fuck I'm so stupid, I'm sorry."

"Hey." He pushes Awsten back to hold him at arm's length. "Nothing about you is stupid, okay? This was just a shitty miscommunication. I love you, with all my heart. That's never going to change. I'm never going to leave you. I want you, for the rest of my life. Don't forget that."

"I just- sometimes it feels like too much," Awsten says. "Like I'm too much. And I don't want you to feel like you have to. Take care of me, yknow? 'Cause you don't. And if it ever does get to be too much...you can leave. Don't feel like you havta stay 'cause I won't be okay if you leave. I mean, I won't, but...don't let that keep you here-"

"Sunshine, stop, don't say that." He cuts Awsten off and tangles a hand through his hair. "You are not too much, okay? That's such a bullshit concept. You will never be too much. You have depression and some days are worse than others and sometimes they're all in a row, but that's part of it, love. You know that and I know that. You can't control this. You didn't ask for it. It sucks and I hate seeing you in pain, but if you think I'm going to leave you over it..."

"I just- don't you want someone easy? Someone that doesn't take this much work?" All that's left of his heart is dust. He hates hearing Awsten talk about himself like this; like he's a problem over a person. He hates knowing that this beautiful, radiant, big-hearted angel thinks so little of himself, because Awsten is just that. Beautiful. Radiant. Possessing a heart that barely fits in his body.

"I want you," he murmurs. He tilts Awsten's chin and presses their lips together. "Okay? You are all I want, for the rest of my life."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been surer about anything."

#this is a mess #but i just needed something today #i wrote so much today damn #waterparks #waterparks fanfiction #awsten knight #geoff wigington #gawsten #gawsten fanfiction #neha writes #depression tw #anxiety tw

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

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Episode 5 | “Wish me luck America” - Dan

I wanted a swap, i practically BEGGED for one because i was ready to cause chaos, so i swap happens .... but its NOT good for me whatsoever because all the people i wanted to flip on and get out somehow end up on the other tribe, and to make it even better, what sole beauty do i get stuck with? connor. yet ANOTHER person lying to my face STILL TELLING ME I WASNT A VOTE OPTION...... just another fool on the list of fools who think IM the fool so this is an interesting dynamic, 4 original brawn, 2 brain, 2 beauty. off the bat it looks like those 4 brawn could be solid, so ive already been working to talk to the brains tribe during the one world twist, so being with autumn and duncan could potentially be good for me, obviously i dont know how theyre feeling but in a perfect world i want to allign with the brains. As much as i would love to vote out connor right away just to send a big old middle finger to the alliance that included him over me in it, but im not sure that can happen. My only hope right now is that there's a crack within the brawn, if there is i can try and get in good with connor to maybe see about uniting with the brains and taking out a brawn, even if it meant 4-4 and going to rocks, im here to play so id absolutely do that. If the brawns arent that tight however, and i can just flip one to want to work with me, i can use that as an opportunity to start a new alliance maybe with the brains and a brawn to vote out connor/anyone else not in our numbers, not sure yet, theres so many scenerios game wise but i think especially in the last 24 hours ive talked a lot of game with people, so i need to calm down on that and get back to personal conversations to try and estabilish trust with anyone i might need down the line, if we even go to tribal which im hoping we just dont, because then not only am i safe, but i get to hopefully see someone on the other side go home, and i would love for it to be one of the frauds amir, augusto, or kendall. but its also terrifying since connor is such a wild card like what if he flipped to the brauns or the brains linked up with the brawn to pick me off? basically if im gonna survive this swap, i need a little bit of luck, a little bit more strategy, and some more connections to get me through, i thought thats what i was doing before though and it clearly didnt work too well so buckle the fuck up because i have no idea where we go from here

lmao remember a few hours ago when i said i hated this swap because it didnt give me much opportunity? well little did i know was all i had to do was bat my eyes a little and opportunity appeared right before me! meaning that, ive been trying to talk to and connect with some of these new people, ive had decent talks with liam and ali mostly, and i was trying to keep game talk minimal up until LIAM out of no where says to me, "oh i just realized someone on this tribe voted me out in a past game and i voted him out" so BITCH the second he says this all sorts of bells and buzzers are going off in my head like spill the tea i need to know!! and what does he say?? it's CONNOR. BITCH cue the choir and let the angels descend from above because im in HEAVEN hearing this!!! there's 16 people left and while i really think we have a strong tribe to win challenges so we may never go to tribal, if we do ive already begun shoving connor so far under the bus there wont be any time for him to get up by the time he realizes what hit him. I'm giving you Miss Rosa in orange is the new black running over Vee REALNESS SWEETIE. VROOM VROOM WATCH OUT BECAUSE HERE I COME. My favorite quote of all time is: the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and that's absolutely what ive been playing up here whether i can actually trust these brawns or not is beside the point, because right now i know for a fact i cant trust connor, he's still lying to me telling me i was never a target, so i have no use or even want to play with someone who thinks im an idiot. On a tribe of 8 you only need 5, and i am absolutely not opposed to setting myself up to be in a position where im the swing vote, if i make sure the brawns feel like they need me, and same with the brains, then i should be essentially... ok? until a merge??? maybe unless everyone here is lying to me too, most likely because im not a good player so im probably being duped dfhkasj I've also been working hard to try and let people in on the narrative that the beautys have this majority alliance and are a threat, because i want to do as much as i can to put a target on their back and get them out, while also opening up to hopefully let people know they can trust me, and i want people to still think im weak so im also going for that pity card playing it up how no one over there would talk to me and saying how bad it was, i shouldve watched what i said though because i did foolishly let Ali know about the tomb and how to crack it, i didnt mean to and i wasnt thinking we were just having such a good convo and while i do like talking to him, i have no idea if i can trust him with that so great job at my dumbass for giving myself more competiion in the tomb .... i went back in tonight and ill be damned there's new questions so i SHOULDVE kept my lips shut and i couldve had it to myself, but whatever, at least if he finds it he remembers who led him there, i also dont want to rely on any idols or advantages, let's do this the old school way and get shit done, and get these people out of here, one false beauty at a time, until im the last one standing!! and aj... we still trust aj he can stay, but the rest they can go and then they can lemme know how that alliance works out for them.

Woooo! I made it to the swap!!! My swapped tribe is actually pretty cute bc it’s a lot of the people I really talked with during the chaos round. I am concerned about the 4-2-2 split we have being an issue, but I have to trust my new former relationships will at least make me not the first person targeted. I’m so relieved to be swapped with Jakey because Jordan and Ali are definitely scary players and having them on the other side with the potential of being voted out (and not having to do it myself later) is honestly good. Jakey is more of a MOTR player and someone who I actually enjoy talking to about game and non game stuff so I’m excited to hopefully position him as my number 1 in this game. With all THAT being said.... Devon and I have played before and I literally blindsided him while working with him so I’m worried about that. My other concern is that me and Amir go way back... I love Amir, I’m just nervous about his ability as a game player. I’m just praying that we can win some comps in the swap so I don’t need to address any of these issues fksmjsjsjs. Wish me luck America.

the way i'm going to be the last person in the challenge who determines the tiebreak... which could keep me safe but seal jakey's fate... god this is so upsettingggg

I meant to do this earlier, but quick recap on my thoughts on the tribe swap. First, I'm elated to see that I have a majority of the Brawn on this tribe. I have Jordan who I'm closely aligned with, and I have both Liam and Ali who I've been working with and have a good game relationship with. That's where my initial excitement ended. Because the Brains and Beauty who I talked to the most during the One World Day - Devon, Scott, Kendall, Augusto - all ended up on the other tribe rather with my closest ally in Jakey whereas I got two Beauty who I hadn't talked to and two Brain who, while I was optimistic about, were more concerning in terms of their thoughts about me. But I'm going back to that social game I've been working on and I truly think that this swap is going to work well for me. I think I've specifically been building some good relationships with Adam and Duncan that will help me not be the target if a Brain/Beauty coalition forms. But now I just need to see if I can get through this damn tomb and go from there.

Whew! It's been a few days since I made one of these and boy do I have a lot of tea to spill! So after voting out Devon, a twisto's twist comes into play where we all go to one world and vote someone back into the game. I lowkey had a feeling this would happen... Like I really spent all day getting the HIGHEST score in that immunity challenge only for Devon to get voted back in 15-0-0. Nothing really important happened here except that Austin did a shitty campaign job and Lovelis just.. disappeared. Like bruh, you really don't want to come back huh? And then we swap tribes and of course I'm stuck on Thoth AGAIN!! I've accepted that I'm cursed this time around because I... am tired of being here. But, Duncan and Autumn are on the other tribe so this gives me a good opportunity to not only rebuild my relationship with Devon, but to make new allies moving forward. Personally, I think I need to cut ties with Duncan and Autumn and find new life. I realize that they are much closer to each other than they are to me and I can't work with that long term. The way they approached Devon for his vote out really proved it too. When it comes to rebuilding my relationship with Devon, I'm not gonna lie it's much more difficult than I thought it would be. Like I basically told him that the reason why I voted him out was because he snitched on me to Duncan and told Duncan everything I said to him on our call. I basically said I was hurt by that because I trusted him and then he went behind my back like that and it wasn't cool. Especially since i was considering letting it go to a tiebreaker challenge too! So then he tried to phrase it as "I would never lie to you, I had your back all the way to the end" and I'm kinda just like... okay but your actions speaks louder than your words. And you taking the action to approach Duncan and tell him everything I said to you wasn't cool. However I made it very evident that Duncan/Autumn are much closer then we thought and i think he gets it. I've slowly come to realize that he's the perfect goat to take to the end because he really lacks at the relationship building portion of the game. However, I need to be able to trust my goats and right now I don't trust Devon. He told me about the idol as a sign of trust, however he hasn't found the blog yet. (backtrack, Duncan shared the blog with me so I've been idol hunting, and now I'm just telling people I had no idea when they ask me about it LOL). So I might tell Devon I found the combination, but at the same time do I want him to have the idol? Not at all! I'm happy that this swap brings me to a lot of people that I can potentially work with. I know that Duncan and Autumn originally wanted to work with beauty to take out brawn, so I'm really happy that I have 4 beauties on my tribe. Out of the beautes, I really like Augusto, Amir, and Kendall. AJ hasn't spoken to me at all tbh... like we barely talked. Kendall and I talk briefly but she told me straight up that her/Amir/Augusto were a trio and that definitely doesn't make me feel comfortable. I'm just like "okay, let's leave this thought in the back of my mind for later." But I've spent a lot of time talking to Amir and Augusto, and I can see myself working with them long term. Augusto and I called for like a whole hour and a half, which is beautiful that we got along well so quickly. I like how they both plan to keep their word and don't like to make fake promises. It shows that they're genuinely good people and I think they're my kind of crowd. So I definitely want to work with them through the merge. I also wouldn't mind going to the end with Augusto too (Amir already won so I don't want to make that promise to him LOL). When it comes to the brawn, I gel most with Jakey. I would go to consider him my new #1 right now. I don't think I ever had a #1 on old Thoth mainly because Duncan/Autumn were so close and Devon is just.... being Devon. Jakey told me about the idol stuff which is great! Personally, I already knew about the idol, but to pretend to be shocked by it and go forward with it was the best move for me. But Jakey and I seem to be the smartest and most focused people here, so I need that. He gets me and is on my level. I'm considering taking him to the end with me if it comes to that just because I want to be loyal this time around. That's why I'm happy than an alliance of Me/Jakey/Augusto/Amir/Kendall was made because I want to stick with this 5 all the way to the end. And I'm happy to already be in a majority alliance because it means I can potentially get to the merge. I just hope everyone knows that I'm with them and want to stay loyal to them going into the merge. Because I would love to be able to say that I'm 5/5 on making it to the merge. It'd be a shame to end my last tumblr season as a pre-merge boot. In terms of this vote since we lost the challenge AGAIN, I'm open to voting out either AJ, Devon, or Dan. I know people want to keep Devon around I'm happy with that. I'd hate to vote him out again after that last round, but also told people that I would do so if it meant that I would solidify trust with them in doing so. Which leaves us to Dan and AJ. I'm open to either of them going that round, mainly because I haven't spoken to either of them that much. I would perfer AJ just because he's a beauty and I'm skeptical about keeping all of the beauties around. At the same time, Dan can be a little aggressive so I also wouldn't mind getting rid of the negativity within the tribe. So many decision to make!! I just hope I make the right one.

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I take back everything I said about feeling good about the swap. No one is willing to talk about the vote with me so I guess that means it’s me??? I don’t know I’m just not feeling good and my gut is pretty good most of the time so we’ll have to see.... I just like don’t fuck with people who don’t wanna talk?? Like why play???

I am little fucked. Honestly if I was going to get voted out I would like it to be because of my #bigmoves or #smartbrain but nope it's cause of 2 minutes. And that's infuriating! Like I work my ass off in basically every other challenge! I drew the tribe flag, I took the lead on the word puzzle thingy, I got a reasonable number of scavenges!!!! And now I'm going to die. Like a lil bitch. I'm trying my best not to struggle cause voting is like quick sand, the more you panic the more you sink in. But logically I don't have much to worry about. Devon is willing to work with me, I already have two solid allies, and Jakey and Scott have both reached out. But the back of my mind is... bad. I'm so stressed out and Pissy. Fuck Dan. Fuck his stupid face. The only thing keeping me from throwing him out is I don't want people to have the perception that the beauty tribe is a unit. Oh yeah we are voting out AJ even though he probably has an idol which isn't great for me because he could probably get wind of that thing that's happening where people want to kill me and get on board and proceed to kill me. That was a mouthful but I don't have to be eloquent when I'm going to fucking dieeeeeeee. I'm barely holding it together. Help me Survivor Jesus.

Augusto, 1:02 PM K so Dan said that he heard AJ would be a unanimous vote didn’t tell me who but he said that that person could just be projecting what they want Daniel Disbrow go fuck yourself. Projecting my lily white ass.

Whew i love when things work out for me. This tribe swap went great for me. I feel very confident about my position on this tribe. I am good with Ali, Tj, and Liam all through seperate links to myself which im hoping can keep me as a centralized figure on this tribe. Ive formed a very good relationship with Adam so far who definitly feels on the outs of the beauty which is great. I thought i could be good with connor, but hes kind of been blowing me off so idk, he could be a target if we lose. As for the brains on my tribe Im talking more to duncan than autumn, but im gonna work on forming a stronger relationship with her on the chance were both at merge which i think is likely. I feel bad for Jakey and dan, two people I did want to work with, however I would be okay if they left as it would lesten the target on me at the merge with less brawn numbers and a larger beauty group to be scared of a group against. Sometimes you got to sacrafice pieces in chess and if they lose it sucks but ill move on. Im optimistic about moving forward through this next phase of the game.

wow i cant believe i almost DIDNT make a confessional for this round but here we go: not much more has happened over here since the swap, we absolutely did perfect in the immunity, so we wont be going to tribal, which is cool because im guaranteed safety and now i can just spend my time trying to work on these relationships that i need out here if im gonna make it a couple steps further and plot my revenge against the false beautys and make the moves that are gonna benefit ADAM and no one else. The original night of the swap i found myself having longer convos with the brawns and letting them all in on the tea about how those false beautys have a majority alliance and how they were plotting against me for no reason, so last night i was talking more so with autumn/duncan individually and they also asked about tribe dynamics so guess what, i spilled the tea to them now too, and they seemed to believe what i was saying, which granted, life on old hathor wasnt HORRIBLE it's not like people were like LETS JUST POINT AND LAUGH AT HIM ...but this new tribe dont know all that, so im absolutely going to be hyperbolizing and over-exaggerating the situation completely still because that's what i do best, i have a strong personality and a way with words so if i can paint the narrative to look better in my light, i absolutely am, and i mightve got lucky with connor here because other people are telling me he's hard to talk to, which makes it 10x easier for them to believe me, because i am still telling the truth, he's one of them, and he's clearly a snake lying right to my face so im making sure they know he'll lie to theirs too. i dont want to get to confident with my postion though whatsoever, because these are all good players and im just a dumb bitch so odds are, someone is playing me and i probably look like a fool but whatever, i only know as much as people will tell me so either way i just have to go with the flow in a sense, whether im the one steering the ship or just the clown aboard, is TBD. i also found it QUITE pleasing to see how for the other tribe, kendall is the one who messed up and cost them the win, however i know she's got her little puppets with those other false beautys so im not sure if theyll take her out. Looking at that tribe, id be happy with almost anyone going but the biggest plot twist of them all is ..... i think i want jakey to stay? me and him had a good talk at one world actually, i began planting seeds with both him AND kendall about each other so i might have inadvertently pinned them even more against each other, unless they put 2 and 2 together and realize i was kinda just telling them both what they wanted to hear, i didnt think id want to work with jakey this game but now that i know i cant work with those false beautys, i might need him to stick around and do damage to them over there for me but really, i dont give a shit who goes home from them, aj is the only one of the false beautys im not 100% against yet because he is my friend, and maybe we can still somehow work together from opposing sides to keep each other safe but who knows, and jakey staying would be good for me because he's a threat and potentially could be on my side again (unless he was just lying and wants me out BAD then uh... he can go but hopefully not because i need that group broken up more than i do him gone even if he is after me) im also trying out a new strategy ive never used before........ i made my skype icon a selfie of myself, now let me make it clear, i absolutely DO NOT think im that attractive, years of low self esteem have made that nearly impossible for me to believe, but im starting to feel myself a little!! i think i would give myself at least a 5/10, so its definitely a reach but im really just hoping by seeing the real me maybe that helps people wanna talk and open up to me more? either that or it will do the opposite and scare them away oop. but ive had good responses so far? i got a "whew", a "whoa", and a "oh my..." from different people so um... i think that's good dfhuakj??? at this point in the game, i have to identify my own strengths and weaknesses and go from there, because clearly im not meant to find the idol every time i go to the tomb i flop, im just not meant to be an idol queen, but i wont give up!!! im gonna try again later tonight and hopefully find it, or at least see for sure if someone else has found it and that's what you missed on akhmim! (from my very singular and most likely delusional perspective)

I love Amir and Augusto. Like not to sound like a sentimental little bitch but I would kill for them. I have been the worst these past couple of hours and here they are all supportive and shit. I talk a big game. Like I consistently declare my villainy and keep pushing for #bigmoves but I will literally cry like a baby if I had to ever do anything to them. So I've decided I won't. I still intend on winning, I'm just not going to do it with their blood on my hands.

Well...IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK! I was expecting to 'Slither' my way back in, but clearly didn't imagine myself coming back on a 15-0-0 vote. If you had asked me about who I felt GREAT about prior to the swap, I would have said Jake and Augusto, so it's nice to have them on Thoth with me. Going into the swap, here are the headlines: 1. Scott/I are back on the same tribe. He clearly doesn't trust me like he did before since I told Duncan about me knowing they were targeting me. Can we build that trust back? 2. OG Beauty vs the rest. For some reason, OG beauty is willing to vote out AJ and ease everyone's paranoia. We could have just as easily gotten rid of Dan, but whatever. 3. Alliance chats. I was told that Kendall/Amir/Augusto had an alliance chat, and it doesn't help that apparently Scott hosted Kendall early in her TS career. I need to make sure my connections stay strong enough moving forward

I finally learned the system to find the idol and it’s been found in the new tribe. I really hope Scott takes the time to find the Thoth idol. Firstly May I say the daddies are reborn with Devon being able to re-enter the game which is amazing! Unfortunately we got split up and now they face 4 beauties and 2 brawns on Thoth and autumn and I got to come be on Hathor. Adam spilled the tea about the Hathor 5 and its looking like Conor will be the first out if we end up at a tribal. I’m so happy to be off of Thoth. It was like a sinking ship and that tribe is cursed. On the flip side, for the first time this game, I DONT HAVE TO GO TO TRIBAL COUNCIL!!! YEEEHAW!!! I feel so grateful but also know if they lose 3 challenges then we’re losing Scott or Devon which would be horrible. I don’t know how comfortable I am with my position as it stands but I’m just grateful not to lose and probably feel most bad for Scott. I hope the daddies can survive this swap and perhaps make it back together come merge

I really haven’t said shit huh gfhjdksl WELL, tons happened last round like someone coming back into the game and me getting to meet everyone finally! Devon returning was the best case scenario as him and I created a really weird yet good bond which I’m thankful for! Autumn and I meshed so well, Duncan and I bonded quickly, I also bonded with Scott/Jakey/Dan, and then had good convos with TJ/Liam M/Jordan/Ali so that was cute. We ended up swapping into 2 tribes of 8 afterwards which wasn’t TOO bad especially considering who is on this tribe like I got crazy lucky. We have 4 Beauties, 2 Brain, and 2 Brawn on this tribe and the other tribe has 4 Brawn, 2 Brain, and 2 Beauties which is a thing. But yeah, I have really high hopes? My connections here are strong personally so I want to just build on that.

following the austin #blinside, we were BEANBOOZLED again and told that austin, as well as lovelis and devon would be pining for our votes to stay. all the tribes ended up on one beach but the initiative for the beauties was clear: austin could NOT come back. love him and all but after boldface lying to him and voting him out.. it just doesn't add up, right? so, the vote was really a matter of lovelis and devon, but then it just became of matter of "okay devon's coming back point blank" since lovelis wasn't really active. this didn't stop austin, however, from going around and throwing us under the bus, telling kendall her name was going around, outing the original plan to austin, all the while assuring us he was "beauties strong!" i respect the hustle but it ain't me! i decided not to lie to to him and told him upfront he wasn't getting my vote, little did i know it was going to be 15-0-0 for devon to come back. the perks of the one world twist was the fact i got to mingle with everyone i'd been excited to see from jordan pines to autumn! it was also a clear front for the fact that we'd be swapping right after, which we did! thankfully, the swap worked out for me perfectly. augusto, amir and kendall are all here with me and i got along with devon and jakey great! i also talked to scott and we bonded as well, and dan and i tried to recover from amnesia over a game we played a few years ago. i don't think i was put in a poor position at all, and in a must of confidence, i don't see myself going home like.. at all unless things change for the worse. the challenge came and went, and apparently one mistake cost it all but it didn't really matter to me because i have kendall's back and i know she has mine, so there was no chance i was gonna let her go over some two minute slip up. however, that was enough for dan to target her after we lost the challenge so the sexy procrastinators (basically leaning tower of penis bar connor) are counteracting by voting dan! do i feel bad because dan also asked if we could work together? hell yeah. do i feel REALLY bad? not really! he's a very nice gentleman, however, i'm pretty much on good terms with everyone on the tribe (and have solid allegiances with half of them) so i'm put into a rock and a hard place! i will say though, besides that, things have been really quiet compared to how things were on original hathor. there was always conversation going, even if it wasn't game, so it feels WEIRD when you're not talking to anyone within the hour. does that make me nervous? absolutely. am i assuming that there's an ulterior plot against me? more than i should! i just need to get myself together though and stop freaking out, what happens happens and if the that plot is indeed true then they got me gals!

i’m me having high hopes for our tribes and us losing badly… the delusion! That being said, I oddly feel safe? I have my trio with Amir and Kendall (where I have solid duos with both), a secret duo with Devon, Dan and I have this Seychelles thing going, AJ trusts me I think, and then I’ve connected well with Scott and Jakey on a personal level so that’s fun! I’ve been telling every non-Beauty that I do genuinely want to stray away from playing outside of tribal lines because alliances made out of convenience are not as strong as alliances made out of connection. I just want to pretend myself as a very fluid, easy-going player/person in hopes that these players want to scoop me up for literally anything they want to do. My ideal boot order for this tribe would be AJ, Dan, and Jakey. AJ leaving opens up the game for me as it means I stuck to my word as not wanting to play by tribal lines, Dan leaving is mostly to appease to others but also because Dan could be dangerous later on, and Jakey is who I REALLY want to see leave because he has been the main person who has gotten and spread info on this tribe and he strikes me as the most threatening person so removing that before a merge is KEY. But yeah, that’s where I am at!

I definitely need to step my pussy up in this game… like I feel extremely well about how I’m playing socially (I’ve been in tons of alliances, have gotten to really KNOW everyone I think, have been calling people for hours on end, have gotten information from all directions, etc) but I need to be better at talking game with people. Kendall and Amir have been doing extremely well about getting information out of Scott and Jakey respectively because they initialize game talk with them to do so and I personally struggle with that? I will say, I’ve been really good at getting people on my side to tell me things in the first place but I want EVERYONE to give me the tea like… I got my cup ready for all the tea so spill it please (‘:

I know I’ve done a super bad job at narrating everything that has happened this round but that being said, I haven’t done a bad job this round in the slightest. A sis really 1) established a connection with every player on my tribe [as in, I have an alliance with every single person in some capacity] 2) I am a part of the majority alliance 3) the people on the “bottom” feel good about me and have told me things 4) I’ve gotten close to getting to the end of Thoth’s Tomb which is awesome 5) I feel safe amid some messes this round [like Kendall telling Scott about her, Amir, and I being a trio which nnn] 6) I’ve honestly tried to downplay my gameplay to people by narrating my past seasons to people on call and explaining how I’ve been betrayed by my closest allies so I want something genuine and different this time AND also continuously asking my allies for “help” on talking to others to build even more trust [Amir told me he’s glad I’m in this game because I’m the only level headed one, Devon told me he trusts my judgements on anything, etc]... so yeah, a bitch might be doing that?

Sooooo I think AJ is going tonight? Which is fine because he’s throwing my name around even though I actually was interested in working with him lmao. I was hoping Kendall would go because she literally does not talk, but I’ll take what I can get. Jokes on me when I get blindsided

jakey just told me he's voting for me.. so yes i'm freaking out and yes i'm convinced i'm going home you CANNOT tell me otherwise https://66.media.tumblr.com/376a5e921389df0e5d37a54da9734e04/ebea8f0b6df920b0-57/s640x960/e1f351d79a9ea08058418a032c97026926156df5.gif

kendall and augusto sat me down on call and basically told me it was over https://66.media.tumblr.com/376a5e921389df0e5d37a54da9734e04/ebea8f0b6df920b0-57/s640x960/e1f351d79a9ea08058418a032c97026926156df5.gif

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I hate everyone lmao. I initially started saying we should vote Ken Doll, or whatever her name is, before I knew AJ was throwing my name around. And of course someone threw a vote on Kendall, and now I have Ken Doll in my PMs being like “ballsy how you still voted for me” that’s funny sis, I don’t even know how to spell your name.

Not me almost putting Thoth on the tribe option lmaaaaooo old habits die hard. I would just like to take this time to thank the Academy, the hosts for swapping me well and allowing me to succeed in a way I never could in Thoth, and my new tribe for being both wise enough to listen to me when I come up with a plan and solid enough to deliver. Being immune? It's a lifestyle and I really missed it Ok so things are going well on Hathor (knock on wood)? I've talked to everyone, we're in a good spot, and I'm not worried about anyone.... but I am nervous but we'll come back to that. I feel fantastic about Ali- this is our third time playing together and every time we see each other we just pick up right where we left off, both as friends and allies. But it's really special this time around since we've both won a main? So we're in a unique boat that no one else in the cast is except Amir. Basically now we have each other's backs more than ever because our stakes look different as well as our threat levels compared to everyone else. I also discovered that TJ and I went to the same fucking COLLEGE??? When I say I'm gagged ugh. So yeah I think there's a new level of trust and kinship there since we share something so major that's not game related. And I think both of us are kind of alone? So that helps bridge the gap even more Ok now for all the other menses.... I have always been nervous about Jordan Pines simply because he's Jordan Pines. I know how I am and I know how he is so him being so tame and quiet the entire game is spooky to me and I don't buy it. I'm trying not to start shit obviously but I think it would be risky to wait until Jordan goes full Jordan before making a move but we'll leave it for now. Iiiiiii am no longer sure what to make of Adam and Connor. I actually really liked both of them the past couple days and was considering working with them but it has come to my attention that Adam has been telling everyone the same story about him being on the bottom of the original Hathor and that everyone needs to get rid of Connor since he's apart of that block. When I thought I was the only person with the tea, I was like YEAH ABSOLUTELY but then hours later Duncan tells me the same thing and then today Ali not only tells me that's what Adam said but apparently he said it to Liam as well. So I'm like SIR- tea is only special when it's private. You trying to get the entire tribe to rally to kill one specific person based on something that none of us can fact check is messssyyyy. I know there's some truth to it because Austin also was very adamant that Hathor couldn't be trusted but the whole thing is convenient to me, that Adam is hellbent on getting Connor out and really playing up the victim angle. And the gag is, if Connor ever goes, where does that leave Adam? Cause if you're willing to campaign this early over something that specific, what will you do to target the rest of us? Like ok we're all comparing notes now but that's cause it's pre-merge. Iiiiiii don't know if Adam needs to make it to merge if he's so generous with his spiked tea. And then that leaves Duncan, who is my dad yes and who I've been with the whole game but I'm really trying to diversify and look elsewhere. I don't wanna hurt Duncan but I do get this impression that he sees this as "our" game and that's why he's very keen to know who I'm talking to, who I trust, am I looking for the idol, do I need any help, etc. To the point where I feel like it's gonna become a liability situation, like because we're friends I'm SUPPOSED to both protect him every single round but also approve everything by him and take him to the end. And just so we're clear my game is mine and mine alone. I didn't come into this game to play for or with anyone and y'all know I have too much Sagittarius in my chart to let a man control my game. And no I'm not reaching because Duncan was tripping about me having a good relationship with Devon, to the point where he and Scott made a side group with Devon before tribal to convince Devon to vote me- mind you all of this came to my attention AFTER tribal and from Devon, even though it was Scott and Duncan's idea to vote Devon in the first place. Soooo explain to me why Duncan is questioning my loyalty when I'm voting out another ally over him and then you wanna go do side shit even though the vote was locked and already unanimous?? No ma'am I'll fuck you up. I really killed my bb to protect my dad and he over here trying to micromanage and teach me lessons. Sir there's plenty of game left don't try it. ALSO DEVON BB I MISS YOU YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT SCUNCAN SO PLEASE DON'T DIE ON THOTH

Okay I literally don’t even know where to start with this entire round, so ughhhh lets just make lil blurbs and word vomit all the thoughts in my head. Okay first, alliances. Me kendall Augusto. I trust these 2 more than anyone else in the game, but Kendall is a mess and a half and has accidentally leaked so much shit or purposely idek I know it’s not malicious, she’s super loyal she’s just silly. She told Scott that me her and Augusto were a trio, which like why tf would u do that ??? anyway, Scott told jakey who told me. Next is me aj kendall Augusto which is a cover up to tell aj to vote dan because the actual vote is aj, but no one wants aj to use his idol. Everyone on our tribe is like sure aj has the idol now, and I’m trying push that too, because I have it lmfao and I don’t want people to know I have it. Next is the new main alliance, me kendall Augusto Scott and jakey. I DONT KNOW ABOUT THIS AT ALLLLLLLLLL, everyone wants to vote aj out, and I’m telling Augusto and Kendall, like y’all realize we are giving them the opportunity to 4-3 us next round? And kill the beauties ?? Like how is that smart ?? But at the same time, getting rid aj could cement Scottie and jakey. It just depends if they try and make a move against me Augusto and Kendall next round if they think we are a trio. However, me and Augusto have planned beyond such and in that case, I have ammo. Let’s check the armoury: - Augusto is insanely tight with Devon now, we can use him as a weapon - jakey ratted on dan to Kendall and ratted on the majority alliance, we can turn dan against jakey. So if Scott and jakey think of pulling a fast one on us, I’ll tank their games so fast and make sure they go down with us . Lastly , I’m fucking terrified. Because with this vote, if jakey Scott Devon and dan team up and vote me just to do it, I’m going to go home 4-3-1. I’m putting my faith in this alliance and my gut is telling me to trust jakey and trust Kendall and trust Augusto. Basically, there’s huge pros and cons to what we are doing right now. However, assessing the situation, if I put my foot down hard and force all 4 beauties to stick together, it’s a bad move for my game . Jakey will be mad, Scottie won’t trust us, and I’d be forcing Kendall and Augusto to do what they don’t want to do, and aj is an ally who is almost never online. It’s simply not worth it. The better move is let aj go, create these bonds and take these risks, and secure that I won’t get caught about the idol And then merge is a whole other fucking story, Ali and autumn and Duncan and Jordan must be dealt with.

Nothing is chaotic. This is weird. I don't feel in danger anymore and could clearly get away with making the merge. Connor has left me on seen once already and I've voted him out before. Target numero uno, come on down!

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surveys-at-your-service · 6 years

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Survey #114

“oh yeah, i’m a reaper man; every good thing, i kill it dead.”

What kind of makeup do you think is appropriate for church? Who cares. Wear what you want; I don't see how your makeup affects God's opinion on you while in His house. What would you wear to church? I don't dress up for the same reason as above. I just wear my usual. Would/do you like having brown eyes? I like having blue eyes. It's not that brown isn't pretty, it's just so common. What kind of gift would you appreciate for your birthday? I'm just asking for money again. Can already go see Sara, time to work towards the tattoo. What do you use Facebook for? My main reason is legit funny pictures lmao. There's few people I'm actually actively interested in keeping up with. Would you rather be called a geek, a nerd or a dork? A geek is 100% a compliment lol. Do you like pretzels? Soft ones, yes. Especially the ones from those little shops at malls, omgggg. I'd prefer to not eat hard ones. You want your next pet to be what? A bearded dragon. Or two rats. Would you spend 20 dollars on a candle? Ha. No. What is the goriest thing you’ve seen in real life? There was a deer that died directly beside the road leading to our old house and it was decaying. I still remember all the maggots squirming around in its side. @_@ Do you take any meds? If so which and why? Mood stabilizers, anxiety med, something for nausea if one of my mood stabilizers causes it, Melatonin, something for heartburn, and birth control unless I want my uterus to tear me apart from the inside. Is "no glove, no love" your STRICT policy? If I actually was to have sex, yes. Even with me on the pill, I'm not taking any risks. Not getting pregnant. If someone breaks a law, should they be punished if they did not know it was a law? Depends on the law. Name a band you sort of like: What a thing to admit, but Blood on the Dance Floor. I like some of their songs, while others are just too repulsive. In your head do you call yourself 'I’ or 'you’ or both? Usually "you," and always when I'm trying to calm or reassure myself, because it's like hearing validation of something from another person. Someone tells you 'well there are black people, and then there are (removed term bc fuck that word)’. What do you think? My former friend used to say that and I fucking hated it. Who REALLY has a higher sex drive, girls or guys? How can you tell? I might be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure there's science behind men having more of a libido. Do you enjoy wild parties? I literally could never. Have you ever been stereotyped? As what? I was called both emo and goth in high school. It wasn't offensive to me personally, but I don't think I totally fit any stereotype. Who do you know that you believe does not masturbate? I don't for a number of reasons, and I can name a few others I'm pretty sure don't. Does a cloned human being have a soul? Why or why not? explosion.gif Who looks better naked, men or woman? Women. I'm bi, yes, but penises look fucking disgusting to me personally. Is there anything you won’t say unless someone else says it first? Nothing immediately comes to mind. What’s your favorite type of doughnut? Either glazed or cake (the totally plain ones). Do you have any candles in your bedroom? Do you light them often? No, I have an incense burner. I use it often enough. What is your least favorite thing about your full name? I just don't like my last name, and my middle name's too common, but at least I like the name itself. What’s your favorite kind of Poptart? Probably the chocolate sundae one. But I don't like Poptarts much. Do you think you look good with a hat on? I can't remember the last time I wore a hat. Are there some songs you can’t listen to because they remind you of something? "The Mortician's Daughter" and "Stairway to Heaven." Do you live near a street light? No. Do you wear any rings? A red gem one I got from Mom, then a "bitch/jerk" friendship ring (Supernatural reference) with my girlfriend. Do you put collars on your cats? When we had cats, yeah. Do you like celery? Ew no. Did you cry while watching the Notebook? I've never sobbed at a movie, but I cried, yeah. I've cried in subsequent watches too lmao. I think I've always teared up, actually. Do you have a protective mom and dad? Mom's extremely protective of me. I'd say Dad's pretty normal. What field trip did you last go on? Probably for a band competition in high school. Five ways to win your heart: Uhhh. Show compassion, patience, generosity, wisdom, and maturity. Your views on mainstream music: It's getting too vulgar to be on the radio. I firmly believe children don't need to hear profanity (they don't know when it's inappropriate to use) or talk of sex, and songs just have so much censorship yet lack thereof now. If you're going to censor almost an entire song, why the hell play it? Then some songs are so clearly about sex or just openly say the word that it bothers me. I wouldn't wanna explain what sex is to say my like five-year-old if they heard some of the shit on the radio and asked questions. Put your iPod on shuffle and write that 10 first songs that play: 1.) "Clocks" by Coldplay, 2.) "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses, 3.) "Blessed With a Curse" by Bring Me the Horizon, 4.) "Let It Die" by Starset, 5.) "I Don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance, 6.) "Animals" by Nickelback, 7.) "Shoots and Ladders" by Korn, 8.) "Divinity Statue" from DMC3, 9.) "Float On" by Modest Mouse, 10.) "This Is Gospel" by Panic! at the Disco. A quote you try to live by: "Life's hard. Shouldn't you be, too?" ... It's not meant to be an innuendo. How do you know when someone thinks you’re attractive? I would literally have to be told lmao. Which one of your relationships was the shortest? Two weeks and it was fucking stupid. Which was the longest? Almost four years. If you want to get married, what age? I don't have a set age in mind. Just whenever my s/o and I are ready. What did you end up getting for Christmas? A PS2 after mine broke years ago ahhhh, way too much money from my dad, his wife, and my grandpa, a "meerkat lover" street sign, a meerkat puzzle I'mma do and frame for my room, some pajama pants, an iHome for my iPod, Pikachu and Grumpy Cat plushies that're too cute, among other things that aren't coming to mind rn. Do you think buying underwear/bras at Victoria’s Secret is a waste? Meh, mixed feelings. Like they are way too expensive for some damn bras and underwear, but if they make you feel more confident or pretty in your body, buy them. Do you like glittery things? Usually. Do you like Red Lobster? It used to be my favorite restaurant, but after I got sick after eating there, I haven't gone since. Even though I was feeling sick before we went, it's just an association thing. What are you most scared of? Relapse, losing certain people. Favorite video game? "Silent Hill 2" Do you believe that leaving a significant other for someone else is ever a good idea? YUP. because if you loved the first person, you wouldnt even consider the second. <<<< This. Do you have any possessions that you’re very attached to, and you’d be absolutely devastated if you damaged or lost them? Absolutely devastated... the little rock I got from my partial hospitalization at Holly Hill. When someone "graduates," you pick a shiny rock from a jar that gets passed around the room for your "classmates" to wish you well and say anything they'd like to say about you while they hold it. I cherish that thing so much. What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done, and you got away with it? I guess have oral entirely naked on the old chaise in the living room. But we were home alone. How much do you want to weigh? I was totally happy at 120, but I was fine at 140. Supposedly I should be like 130-something. If you HAD to do your holiday shopping for EVERYONE in only ONE store what store would you pick? Uh probably Walmart lmao. Do you believe that guns don’t kill people and that people kill people? Why? People kill people, and that's coming from someone afraid of guns. You have a choice where you're pointing that thing. What is the difference between a good poem and a bad one? I don't like ones that are virtually impossible to understand. Which do you need more: sugar, caffeine, alcohol, drugs, sex, sleep? I'm addicted to caffeine, I can't go two days without it. @_@ Who is someone you know should deserve more respect? Ha, my Dad from my mom. What movie would you like to see again, that you haven’t watched since you were a kid? The first movie that came to mind was "Shiloh." Are birds happy in cages? Are pets happy indoors? I truly doubt birds are happy in cages, but maybe if they have enough entertainment and it's big enough? But I'm sure like dogs and cats are fine indoors considering a whole house is much bigger. Though I think bigger dogs especially need to be let out to run around sometimes. Hula hoops or jump ropes? Jump ropes. Loved it as a kid. Now my knees would murder me. Can you understand sign language? No. But I remember learning this song in elementary school that we had to sing and do sign language to, but I don't remember any of it. Does anyone in your family hunt? Nicole, my little sister. How about fish? Me and Dad, maybe his dad. Do you pronounce the "l" in salmon? No. Have you ever gotten stuck on an amusement park ride? Thank Christ no. Have you ever seen an albino animal? Maybe? I've seen a white alligator, but it technically wasn't albino. Have you ever tried summoning Bloody Mary? No. When is the last time you consumed alcohol? New Year's Eve. I drank a margarita way too fast but felt nothing because my alcohol tolerance is God-Tier. ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ (Though I like never drink.) Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? No. Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? Y U P Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? Sometimes. Would you rather go to a University or a community college? The latter if they offered good classes. It's cheaper, and you can still get a worthy degree. What’s your favorite kind of bread? Pumpernickel. What toppings do you like on your pizza? Only jalapenos or pepperoni. What color or design does your shower curtain have? It's just white. What color is your microwave? Black. Could you ever give yourself a shot? If I had to, yeah. Have you ever been so embarrassed that you cried? Story of my life. How many people have told you they were in love with you? One. Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted? Well, we're both girls, so actual sex would be psychically impossible, but I'd do as close as we could to it if she made it very clear she wanted to. Does it bother you when people don’t answer questions with exact answers? Yes, especially if I'm asking them a question about needing validation for something. Don't be vague. Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin? I usually do so I know exactly when it's coming. And if I'm getting my blood drawn, I watch it for whatever reason. @_@ Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yes. Do you like strawberry and banana smoothies? Strawberry. I doubt I'd like banana. Do you know someone that is mute, deaf or blind? My sister Ashley is literally blind in one eye, I think her right? For the other two, idk. What’s your favorite horror movie? I really like both "Blair Witch Project"s, as well as "The Crazies." Is it true that people with depression CAN’T function in society? Sometimes, absolutely. Can you think of any person or group you cannot empathise with? Pedophiles, rapists, racists, abusive people, homophobes, the list goes on. Do you want to get married? If so, what color will your dress be? It'll be either black, white, or ivory, idk. Do you like peanut butter and fluff sandwiches? NO. Do you play video games? If so, what kind? Yes, just about exclusively story-based ones that usually involve horror. But I like many others, so long there's actually plot to it. How old is your oldest and youngest friend? Oldest is like... 32, youngest is 17, I think. How weight conscious are you? Only extremely. Stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. What was your first word? "Dada" What's a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? "13 Reasons Why" Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? 7th grade. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? I'm actually not sure. I don't think so. If it did, Mom never told us. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yes, until I think a dirty needle was found in one of McDonald's ball pits. Do you think biting is weird or sexy? I like it so long you don't leave a mark in an obvious spot. Do you have a class ring? No. What type of internet browser are you using? Chrome. How long do your showers typically last? Not even ten minutes. Can you cry on cue? No. Were you a Nancy Drew reader when you were younger? No. Are you the kind of person that takes pictures with a drink in your hand? No, and quite frankly, it's obnoxious. You're getting intoxicated. Congrats. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? Mom has depression, and she says Dad's bipolar, but I absolutely don't see it now that they're divorced. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? Own. When was the last time you wore a full face of makeup? I couldn't tell you. The most I ever wear is eye liner, shadow, mascara, and lipstick, but I don't consider that a "full face of makeup." Do you own an iPad? No. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, thank goodness. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say 'retard/retarded’ as an insult? I FUCKING HATE IT. How many people of the opposite sex have made you cry? I think two. Would you eat a live tarantula for $1,000? No, I just wouldn't be able to. If it didn't have its fangs, maybe? What’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have? Anxiety. Shit would be so much better without it. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom by one year. Do you have any close friends that were adopted? No. Do you believe that people can be psychics? No. List these apple types from greatest to worst: green, red, yellow. Red, green, yellow. Does your house have more than one fireplace? We don't have even one. When it rains does it leave a lake in your front yard? No. My original home was like that, though. It ALWAYS flooded. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? No, I actually found it flattering to know they wanted me to sign it. Where is one place that you’d never be caught dead in? A strip club, to name one. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie? I loved the Phantom Virus one. Even had the game. Do you dislike when people ruin the endings of anything for you? Yes, unless I ask to just be told. You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? ... Whoa. I'd feel fucking godawful, but I'd save my grandmother. I'm not calling the baby less human, but my grandmother is more conscious of life and everything, I guess? Which would you choose: true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? Never love at all. Heartbreak is fucking awful. Have you ever seen the movie "A Walk to Remember?" Cliche or worth watching? I think it's worth watching. Very sweet movie. Do you know how to sew? What’s your favorite thing to sew? No. Do you own many pairs of shorts? I don't own any. Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other? Ye<3 Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favorite? Fiction. "Johnny Got His Gun" and "The Outsiders." Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend? Yeah. How many tattoos would you get? I want LOADS. What brand of toothpaste do you use? Crest. Would you ever tattoo the name of a bf/gf or spouse on yourself? No. I'd get a matching tattoo relatively deep into marriage, but name, nah. What’s your least favorite season? Summer. D: What’s your favorite dessert? Red velvet cake. Do you like cotton candy? Meh, I can have a couple bites. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Where do you normally get your hair cut? A family friend's salon. What would your dream engagement ring look like? I really like dragon's breath opal rings or rose gold ones but idk how expensive either are. @_@ What’s the longest your hair has ever been? Like to the small of my back. How do you feel about bleach blonde hair? Gorgeous on some people, not for me. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Name 2 questions that you will most likely never say ‘no’ to: 1.) "Do you wanna go get a tattoo?", 2.) "Do you wanna Skype?" if it's Sara. Imagine someone has a great personality, sense or humor, family and job. they also really really like you a lot. Would you consider dating them if they: Were fat? Yes. Limped? Yes. Were a midget? Yes. Had HIV? No, because I'm too scared to put myself at risk. Were paralyzed in one arm? Yes. Had a glass eye? Yes. Had only 6 months to live? No, that would destroy me. Would you get married on TV? No. I don't want people I don't care about watching. Do you own a metal detector? No. I did as a kid, though.

#survey #quiz #questions

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kafeuka · 7 years

Text

[1/1] i’ve only felt religion when i’ve lied with you

█ title: I’ve only felt religion when I’ve lied with you █ author: kafeuka █ pairing: jeon jungkook/park jimin █ rating: nc17

█ summary: Nineteen year old Jeon Jungkook refused to go to church, so his mother brought the church to him. (aka: Jimin was a youth minister who happened to be the man in Jungkook's sexual fantasy and oh crap, was his mother really inviting the pastor in training to dinner to fuel his raging libido?)

Note:

this was inspired by an episode in the 70s show lmao i've written this decades ago and stopped halfway before i could get into the smut bc honestly speaking i suck at it and despite the researches i've made, i never seem to get things right and i cant stop turning red when doing so,,,,,, in conclusion: i cant write smut for shit (◕‿◕✿)

warning: i have no idea how the religion works neither do i practice it so if i offend you, please click exit lmao

regarding the hankie jimin mentioned, i just knew there was a thing where people place their hankies according to their preferencing by representing them on their right/left side or colours. isn't that amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me know what you think here! Read on AO3 here.

There were times when Jungkook wondered if his mom was clinically brain dead.

Like, now.

He was already late – thanks to that stupid alarm clock Uncle Jooheon had given him as a present last Christmas (that clock had one job! One job! And it failed Jungkook) – and yet here his mother was, blocking the door with her arms on her hips, glaring at her youngest son as if he was caught stealing cassette tapes from a record store.

“Mom! Please! Just this once, I beg of you!”

His favourite band was in Busan and the tickets for their concert were on sale. There was nothing more Jungkook wanted than to attend Radio Wrecker’s first gig in Busan. He swore that he would never miss it for the whole world.

“Jungkook,” his mom sternly said, eyes staring straight at Jungkook. “It’s Sunday. You’ve got to attend church!”

“But Radio Wrecker is going to be here! The tickets will be sold out in just a few minutes and I can’t believe I’m not at to the amphitheater right now!”

“And I can’t believe my own son refused to come to church.”

“Mom, please!” He purposely widened his eyes, jutting out his lower lip to give his mom his puppy eyes – which, usually worked – but somehow, his mom was not having any of it. By now, she should have caved in and let her son buy tickets to see his favourite band and let Jungkook had the time of his life but no, the woman just had to ruin it.

“No, Jeon Jungkook. You’re going to church. All of us are.”

“But—”

“Go change into something nice. Don’t wear that zombie t-shirt, you hear me?”

“Mom!”

“Shut it, or no allowance for a month.”

Jungkook ended up crossing his arms, trying not to look like a petulant child, while being seated next to his mom on one of the pews in the House of God. His mom had been bitching inside the car, about how late they were to church, all because each and every one of them was being tardy. Even his father, who had absolutely done nothing wrong, had to listen to his mom rambling about how important it was to go to church.

As soon as his mother was done talking, he abruptly wore the earphones and crank up the volume of the music to the maximum.

If it were not for the cassette player and headphones Jungkook had secretly bought with his allowance (when asked, he lied that Minghao had bought it for him), he did not think he would be able to stand it. He might have jumped out of the car and begged for someone to run him over rather than listening to his mother pointing her finger at him and Junghyun.

(Junghyun just got home from a party that morning – it just so happened that his mom caught him entering his room through the window when the petite woman busted through his bedroom door with the intention of waking her oldest son up.)

Junghyun was not probably listening at all. Despite his eyes being open, Jungkook knew his mind was somewhere else as if he was sleeping. That was the only thing Jungkook found his brother to be good at, and he thought it was an amazing skill too, how his brother’s brain was completely shut down even though he seemed like he was paying attention to everything that came out of their mother’s mouth.

They were sitting on one of the pews behind, which clearly irritated his mom because usually they were either sitting in the middle or on the front seats.

All Jungkook wanted was to wait in a queue for a concert ticket yet, the only concert he would probably gotten in his whole life would probably the choir in front which was singing right now. He let out a sigh, trying his hardest not to cry because he would probably be the only loser in his group of friends who did not manage to get a ticket.

He regretted not accepting Yugyeom’s proposal to camp in front of the ticket stand.

Jungkook tried to focus his attention to something else, not wanting to burst into tears right then, and stared at the children dressed in white in front. He recognized a few of them. His mom let out a sigh, probably because she felt content or whatever and Jungkook could only roll his eyes in annoyance. He wondered if the woman beside him really gave birth to him because how could she do that to Jungkook?!

He had been a very good son all this time — he had manage not to get caught drinking and sneaking out and he never brought any girls or guys home unlike Junghyun. It was unjust for his mom to not let him skip church just for once. He never skipped church before but this was Radio Wrecker. Jungkook believed Radio Wrecker was the whole reason for his existence and it was his one and only chance to see them perform with his own eyes rather than pretending he was a part of the crowd when watching their performances on TV but who knew it would be his own mom that stepped on his dreams and vomit all over it?

Jungkook glanced at the figure clad in black cassock that was playing the grand piano, and scoffed. He recognized the pianist. He was Park Jimin, Jungkook’s senior by two years, who was now working at the church or something like that, Jungkook did not give two fucks. He remembered his mom mentioning about God showing Park Jimin the light or whatever during dinner a few days ago.

Jimin had a stupid grin on his face as he mouthed the lyrics to the song the kids were singing as his fingers pressed on the keys of the organ skillfully.

He cannot believe the guy was the same Park Jimin whom he used to almost kiss at a party a year ago. The one who had coaxed Jungkook to drink another cup with a playful smile on his lips. How can someone change so drastically?

When the mass ended, Jungkook expected for all of them to went straight to the car and for Jungkook to lock himself in his room and cry himself to sleep. But of course, things did not really go his way recently, and he wondered what he did in his past life to deserve this whole ordeal. Instead of going straight to the car when they went out of the church, his mom decided to have a small talk with Jimin, who was standing outside and wishing everyone to have a pleasant day.

He wondered why his mother wouldn’t just thank Jimin, like everybody else, and then walk the fuck away.

Jungkook groaned when his mother stopped and began to praise Jimin like there was no tomorrow. Junghyun was nowhere to be seen, perhaps he was already heading to the parking lot, even though their dad was still here. Jungkook’s fingers were itching to grab his black headphones and shove it into his ears and turn up the volume of his cassette player to its maximum volume to block out whatever shit his mom was spewing.

At this rate, being deaf seemed appealing.

He almost choked on air when Jimin turned his head slightly to him, gave him a small smile and nodded, “Good to see you, Jungkookie.”

A year ago, Jungkook would probably be crying blood and thank whatever religious figure to ever exist out there that made this happen but now, all he wanted to do was run for his life and wish for a piano to fall from the heavens and crush him deep into the earth. He could only swallow and replied with a nod, not trusting his voice to speak. His voice might have cracked or even worst, he might have started to sob.

“I’m sure your mom is so proud of you, Jimin-ah! Look how handsome you’ve become – you’re going to be a good pastor!” Jungkook’s mother cooed. Jimin smiled, a blush evident on his cheeks as he shook his head, “That’s not true!”

‘Damn right,’ Jungkook wanted to yell out. If only his mother knew how Jimin was literally seducing him on one of the worn out couches in Seokjin’s home and eyefucked him the moment Jungkook entered the house, she would not be talking to Jimin right now. Hell, she would probably even find a new church to go to.

It was only when his dad placed a hand on her shoulder when his mother finally stopped talking and finally, thank God, took the hint that they were supposed to go. She complimented Jimin one more time, thanked him with a small bow before making their way to their small caravan.

‘Finally,’ Jungkook huffed, sliding himself lower on the car seat. ‘I can wallow in self-pity in peace.’

That afternoon, Jungkook did cry.

He was so ready for Yugyeom to boast about the tickets he obtained and for Yugyeom to slap the fact that Yugyeom got a ticket his face but when the phone rang, Jungkook realized that no, he was not ready at all. His hand was visibly shaking when he picked up the receiver, and despite the number not shown, he knew it was Yugyeom.

“Jungkook!” Yugyeom yelled from the other line, as if he knew that Jungkook would be the one to pick up, not his mother.

Jungkook almost winced, readying himself for the inevitable humiliation that would come upon him.

“Yugyeom,” he answered with a grunt, fingers twirling on the cord of the phone, suddenly feeling antsy and super nervous.

“I was waiting for you to show up at the amphitheater!”

He glared at his mom, who was washing the dishes on the sink. “Yeah, someone stopped me from going there,” he said out loud, hoping his mother would realize it was directed to her.

“Whatever, whatever, whatever! Listen, I’ve got the tickets!! Isn’t it exciting?”

He swallowed. “It is.”

“Now, you just gotta pay me back and we’ll have the best day of our life next week!”

“… What do you mean?”

“I bought three tickets, man.”

Jungkook felt his heart beating quickly as he felt a hunch where Yugyeom might be getting at, but he refused to believe the nagging voice in his head unless Yugyeom said so. He waited for Yugyeom to speak, to tell him that he was joking or whatever explanation he could offer, but it seemed like Yugyeom was waiting for him to say something too.

So, he did.

“Uhuh…”

“One for me. One for Minghao. And one for you!”

“No way!” Jungkook let out a joyous scream, eyes widening in disbelief, earning a pointed look from his mother. “You’re kidding me, Kim Yugyeom! How— wh-what even – please tell me you’re joking, man. I swear, if you’re playing with me, we’re not going to be friends anymore. Don’t get my hopes up!”

Yugyeom let out an excited squeal. Jungkook could vision Yugyeom jumping up and down on his bed, a cordless receiver on one hand and the other holding three tickets for the concert of the most Influential and Amazing Band In The Whole World. Without realizing, Jungkook was jumping up and down too in the kitchen, causing his mother to exclaim, “Jungkook!”

Any other day, Jungkook would have mumbled an apology and silently retreat to his room but not today.

“I’m not lying, dude! How can I attend Radio Wrecker’s first concert without you, man?”

“You’re the best, dude! Oh my god, I love you so much. I think I’m going to cry, I swear.” He could already feel the tears prickling in his eyes and he wiped them with the back of his free hand before it could fall. “I really thought I would’ve missed it.”

Yugyeom giggled. “I love you too. Just bring the mulah, yeah? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jungkook hung up with a huge grin and a high-pitched squeal that would have made a siren envious. For that, he received a dirty rag thrown to his face.

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

If you ask Jungkook what was the best moment in his life, he would answer the night he went to Radio Wrecker’s concert. It was on a May 21st, 1978 on a Saturday night. While Jungkook was always the goody two shoes in his parents’ eyes between the Jeon siblings, Jungkook risked his reputation to sneak out to the concert. He knew his dad would be okay with Jungkook going to concerts but not his mom.

It was as if she had never been nineteen. He did not regret sneaking out though. His throat was sore from all the screaming and he cried when they performed ‘Chrysanthemum’ – which was Jungkook’s favourite song – because everyone started to sing along as they slowly waved their arms. Jungkook ended up sleeping over at Yugyeom’s, the boys could not stop babbling about how perfect the concert was even though some idiot accidentally stained Jungkook’s Radio Wrecker’s white tee with fucking ketchup.

(Yugyeom insisted that they had to wear their matching black Radio Wrecker’s tees but Jungkook was a stubborn fuck.)

That night, Jungkook slept peacefully like a baby, unaware of the wrath of his mother that he had to face the next day.

When Jungkook got home, his mother was already in the living room, flipping through the cosmos magazine with her slender legs crossed. Jungkook gulped, slowly closing the door behind him and tried to go to his room as slow as he can although he knew his mother already sensed that he was there.

“Why, if it isn’t my son who skipped church!”

Fuck.

“Hey, mom! I didn’t see you there!” Jungkook sheepishly grinned, rubbing his nape. “I thought I’ve told you about the concert, didn’t I? My, how forgetful of me!”

His mom narrowed her eyes towards him, standing up from the couch and threw the magazine to the wooden coffee table. At this moment, Jungkook wished to disappear to thin air. His mother never really used her fists but rather, her words. One time, she said something to Junghyun that made the grown man cried. And that was because he wanted to move out of the house. Jungkook shuddered remembering the incident.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, Jeon Jungkook.” There was venom when she strongly emphasized his name. “This band of yours is slowly corrupting your mind. Didn’t you realize that?”

“Mom, what—”

“Sure, it’s going to be a one-time thing you say. But I can see you straying away from the right path and live in the streets with only the morning papers as your blanket. Would you like that?”

“I don—”

“And now you’re trying to talk back to the woman who gave you birth. Who gave you life. Who fed you every single day!”

Jungkook grimaced, deciding to remain quiet. If he was a little bit braver like Junghyun, he would have stormed out of the house right now but he had no money with him and he reeked of sweat and ketchup. Speaking of the devil, Junghyun coincidentally walked out of the kitchen and gave Jungkook a sardonic grin when he witnessed the scene unfolding right before his very own eyes. Instead of walking back to the kitchen, he sat on the couch and watched because he, undoubtedly, was a dickhead.

“You’re going to apologize for today, Jungkook, but what will you say when God himself questions you this?”

“Jungkook’s God is Victor Miura, mom,” Junghyun chuckled.

Which proved to be a bad move because their mother whipped her head towards Junghyun with a glare that would normally made any human being ran away from pure terror and begging for forgiveness.

“And you, Jeon Junghyun, don’t you have anything to say to me either? How dare you, you imbecile, still sitting on my damn couch!”

Junghyun abruptly stood up like a soldier given command, dusting his pants with a terrified expression on his face. While their mom had her back on Jungkook, Jungkook took the chance to stick out his tongue at Junghyun and damn, that felt good.

“Is that where your money go to – for you to smoke crack?”

Jungkook hissed internally. He had found a few things under Junghyun’s bed and unlike Junghyun, whom he was sure jacked off to women in bikinis riding motorcycles, Jungkook found the powder in a plastic bag was far more interesting. He had been using it to threaten Junghyun but it seemed like he had lost his blackmail material now that their mother found out.

“Both of you,” his mom hissed, pointing to her boys, “Are disappointments!”

There was nothing to do now except to hung his head, stare at the floor and waited for the lecture to be over. Maybe Jungkook could try to do his puppy eyes but Junghyun was here – his hyung might steal his tactic!

Surprisingly, after a few seconds that somehow felt like years of waiting, the lecture did not come. Jungkook dared to lift his head a bit to look at his mom, who was now crossing her arms and smiling scathingly. Jungkook glanced at Junghyun, who seemed to be waiting too.

Still with her arms crossed, the woman with feathered hair tapped her foot against the wooden floor.

“I’m going to give you boys a second chance – although I’m sure the both of you don’t deserve any,” she began before uncrossing her arms and dusted the high-waisted beige skirt she was wearing.

Jungkook looked at his hyung, who was already looking at him. The both of them exchanged confused looks before exhaling long breaths from their nostrils, slowly relaxing even though their mother was not finished yet. Now, that certainly never happened.

“I shouldn’t have forced my own boys to go to church, don’t I?”

Jungkook’s eyes wavered before gulping, wondering if he should answer or if his mom was just asking a rhetorical question.

“Both of you are grownups, surely the both of you can make up your own mind and know what’s best.”

Junghyun blinked. “Really…?”

“Sure,” their mom smiled. “If you want to turn your backs on God and spend eternity doing laps in a lake of fire, then that’s your choice!” she added, with exaggerated hand motions before glaring at both her sons and stampeded upstairs, purposely stomping her feet loudly with each step she made to show how pissed she was.

The two brothers waited until a door slam was heard before exhaling a loud sigh.

“So. How’s the concert?” Junghyun asked.

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Jungkook was lying on the worn out fawn-coloured bridgewater sofa that was probably as old as his grandmother – occasionally sitting up and most of the time not, to sip on his cola while the record player that was placed on end table was playing On The Backseat Of My Car by Sunset Patrol – when his moment of peace and pretending to be rockstar was disrupted when Junghyun came down to the basement, with their mother prattling behind him.

“What are you doing, Jeon Junghyun? Why aren’t you dressed? Church starts in ten minutes!”

Jungkook had to tilt his head to observe what was going on. Junghyun grabbed a popsicle from the white freezer, unwrapping it before whining, “Mom, I’m not going!”

“What?” their mother shrieked, mortification was written all over her face.

She was wearing a long-sleeved green floral patterned blouse with a matching long skirt, which meant she was ready for church. Junghyun, on the other hand, was wearing his usual maroon shirt and usual ugly dark bell bottom trousers.

Junghyun gulped, popsicle forgotten in his hand. “Well…” he sputtered and then pointed to Jungkook. “Jungkook isn’t going, isn’t he?!”

Great, Jungkook screamed inside his head. This airhead just had to drag me down with him!

Their mother turned her head to Jungkook and when Jungkook stood up, she looked like she almost had a heart attack. “Why are you still in your zombies shirt!?” she yelped in disbelief.

Jungkook made a mental note to kill Junghyun in his sleep but his plans on murdering his brother by suffocating him with a pillow was interrupted when their mother let out a shrill voice, “Where’s your tie!?”

“Mom,” Jungkook sighed. “I’m not going.”

“WHA— oh dear God, what?”

Jungkook gawped at Junghyun, who was now eating his popsicle as if their mother was not on the brink of rage, silently begging for help.

“I-I thought you said w-we had a choice,” Jungkook stammered, his hands began to fidget and he had to hold on the hem of his shirt to quell the apprehension that was building in his chest.

“Uhuh,” his mom answered. Her brows were furrowed, waiting for Jungkook to continue. Jungkook had to glare at his no good older brother and widened his eyes, indicating that he needed help.

Junghyun was still sucking on the popsicle, nodding for Jungkook to continue. Jungkook envisioned himself lunging forward and throttling his older brother. He took a deep sigh, readying himself for the response he would get from his mother. “Well, my choice is no.”

His mother let out a loud gasp, which was a little bit dramatic in Jungkook’s opinion. It was not like Jungkook was confessing that he had his dick sucked by a senior when he was sixteen. He simply declared that he did not want to go to church on a lovely Sunday morning.

“I don’t understand this at all,” their mother began, massaging her temple. “Tell me one good reason why the both of you are not going.”

“It’s boring,” Junghyun started.

“The music sucks.”

“I have to wear a tie.”

“It’s hot!”

“The girls have to wear bras!”

“The past—”

“ENOUGH,” their mother interrupted, both hands on her slim hips. Junghyun shrugged triumphantly as he licked the popsicle. Jungkook only blinked. “I am going to leave in five minutes and I’m sure the both of you will make the right decision.” Her voice was honeyed, a little bit too sweet for Jungkook’s liking, as he pointed to her sons.

She continued, with a smile added this time, “Something tells me that I won’t be sitting in that pew alone.”

The boys only stared at the woman as he slowly backed away, making her way to the wooden stairs. With another huge smile, she walked upstairs.

Just when Jungkook was about to lie down on the couch again, not giving two fucks about what his brother was now doing at the storage room, he heard his mother’s sweet voice from upstairs again, “Five minutes, okay, boys?”

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In Jungkook’s defense, his mother was the one who told the both of them that they have a choice and it just so happened that both boys chose not to go. Besides, their mother was not sitting alone on the pew – their father was there! So Jungkook was not really sure why his mother was acting rather odd to the both of them.

When she first got back from the mass, he had been ignoring the boys the whole day. While she would usually set the plates with food ready on the table, the siblings had to grab their own plates and took their own food. It was not a big deal, not at all, but Jungkook began to feel guilty because his mother was not talking at all.

Usually, she would have made a conversation right now and most of the time, Jungkook wished she would shut up but now, he would do anything for the woman to chatter about anything at all – even if she talk about Park Jimin because Jungkook would not mind. Their father kept on clearing his throat, occasionally trying to make a conversation but kept on failing. Their mother only answered shortly and every time she opened her mouth to speak, Jungkook kept on holding his breath for unknown reason.

The next day, however, gotten a little bit better but certainly freaky-deaky. Their mother was acting brighter than usual and she did not even yell when Junghyun placed his dirty feet on the coffee table. Jungkook was beginning to feel cautious at this point, frequently tensing whenever his mother was around.

He even helped in washing the dishes and rejected Yugyeom’s offer to hang out at Minghao’s house to listen to some sick songs by a band Minghao recently discovered. The whole week, he tried to be extra good to his mother and he began to wonder if she was really losing it.

When Sunday came, Jungkook skipped church again and to his surprise, his mother did not force him to wear a stupid tie and get out from this radical shirts. He thought that he was finally going to spend his Sunday doing productive things.

(Productive Things On A Sunday aka Jungkook listening to the songs his friends recommended and sometimes meeting up with Yugyeom and Minghao)

It was in the afternoon when it finally dawned to Jungkook that his mother had something planned all along.

Jungkook was in the kitchen, making a sandwich while humming to Another Boy Without A Sharper Knife, when he heard the sound of the bell ringing. He deliberately took his time to spread the mustard, expecting someone else would open the door for whoever it was. However, the bell rang again and Jungkook let out a groan, wondering where the hell his family members were.

He counted to twenty and the bell rang again. Exasperated, he grabbed his sandwich, took a bite and strode to the front door, cursing whoever it was that had to ruin his moment. Rolling his eyes, he swung the door open to find Park Jimin, clad in a super ugly black turtle neck along with a tawny-coloured blazer that was a little bit too big for him and a matching slacks and— what the fuck? Why was Jungkook staring?

Jimin grinned, revealing his slightly crooked front tooth which was not cute at all.

“Hello, Jungkookie.”

HOW DARE

Jungkook’s jaw dropped and he swore the sandwich almost slipped from his hand but he was thankfully able to hold on to it and oh shit, he must have looked like an idiot right now.

“Wh-what are you doing here?”

“Jimin!” came a sweet voice behind him, that was unmistakably belonged to his mother. Jimin turned his gaze to the woman behind Jungkook and grinned. Jungkook felt his mom’s hands on his shoulders, softly squeezing them as she giggled, “You came right on time!”

“What is going on?”

Jungkook was slowly getting scared now as he slowly tried to back away but his mother was still holding onto him, wondering if he had destroyed a country in his past life because there was no way in hell this was happening.

“Jungkookie here.” His mother said, squeezing Jungkook’s shoulders a bit tightly now that he almost wince, “And Junghyun refused to go to church. So I’m bringing the church to them!”

If it was possible, Jungkook swore Jimin’s smile gotten a little bit bigger. His eyes were now forming half-moons and damn, Jungkook really should have stopped staring.

“What do you think, youth minister Jimin?”

“I think it’ll be groovy!”

‘God, if you’re out there,’ Jungkook thought. ‘Just let me die already.’

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Jungkook believed in God.

Always have.

But he wondered where the Old Man was now that Jungkook desperately needed him. When his mother just broke the news of Park Jimin being in the same house as him, breathing the same air as him and will try to bring some sense to him about his behavior of skipping church lately, Jungkook found himself dashing to the bathroom, sputtering a made-up reason and locked himself in it, hands clasped together a little too tightly and began praying aloud.

He hoped the Old Man can hear him. Inguk once told him that he had sex with his brother’s girlfriend in the van and when questioned if he was scared, he simply replied that God cannot see through lead. Jungkook hoped that God can still hear him through the wooden door though, because damn, he really needed his prayers to be answered right about now.

He glanced at his reflection on the mirror, noticing that he had some mustard on his upper lip and abruptly washed it with tap water while berating himself. ‘I must look like an idiot!’

Taking a deep breath as he smoothen the band tee he was wearing, he silently declared that he would walk out of the bathroom door while being Cool and Nonchalant™ despite having Park Jimin sitting down on the living room. His living room.

He tried to act casual when he swung the wooden door open with more force than intended, which somehow only made his presence even more known because of the loud creak and found Jimin turning his head to his direction and gave him a huge grin.

‘Stupid moron with his stupid fluffy hair and his stupid smile. Go to hell.’

Jimin was sitting on the couch across the television, whereas his mother was sitting on a brown recliner. His mother seemed more cheery than he had ever seen before, and instantly, he knew that she was trying to ruin his life.

“Honey, go call your hyung. Tell him I need him down here.”

‘Why don’t you call him yourself?’ Jungkook almost retorted but he found Jimin was already staring at him, somehow making the words Jungkook wanted to say caught in his throat. Jungkook nervously coughed, deciding that he did not want to answer his mom back and went upstairs to Junghyun’s room without knocking.

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The urge to grab the phone, call his best friend and let out an inhumane scream was too strong. Minghao was probably at Yugyeom’s house, listening to some song right now and Jungkook wished he was there to bang his head with them. He wanted to tell Yugyeom that The Park Jimin was here but he would not want Jimin to overhear his conversation and got the wrong idea.

So he stayed put in his seat, which was unfortunately beside Jimin’s, feet tapping vigorously against the carpeted floor while his older brother was sitting at a small stool beside their dad’s piano. Their mother watched them lovingly, but Jungkook could not help but think of the possible categories of demon that possessed his mother right now.

“Religion can be cool,” Jimin explained, still wearing the same bright grin.

Jungkook tried to focus on the black screen of the TV, and sometimes the cover of his mother’s cosmos magazine on the coffee table (“20 Kissable Lips: What Your Lover Loves About Your Lipsticks – huh, what a rip-off, I didn’t need lipstick to make Jimin wanted to kiss me. Fuck, wait, what?”) while Jimin was prattling about Jesus and some other thing that Jungkook really did not give two fucks about.

“Do you know what’s the best thing God ever did was?”

Jungkook tensed when he felt an unfamiliar weight on his thigh. He took a glimpse, saw Jimin’s small hand resting on his thigh and swore the room temperature rose. His eyes travelled to Jimin’s face and the dork had the nerve to lock his eyes on Jungkook’s, lips parted waiting for response. The thing about Jimin’s lips was that it seemed as if it was made to do something greater than just talk; they were plump and kissable – Jungkook would have to check the cosmos magazine later to see if Jimin’s lips made it into the article – and Jungkook would love to know what those lips could do.

Jimin probably noticed that Jungkook was staring at Jimin’s lips, because the corners of his mouth instantly quirked upwards in a teasing manner before his tongue ran over his lower lip and Jungkook found himself swallowing.

Whatever they were having was soon interrupted, causing Jungkook to jolt in his seat when Junghyun yelled out, “BOOBS!”

Jungkook turned his head around with wide eyes, a bit thankful for Junghyun and saw that their mother’s jaw dropped to the ground. “Junghyun!”

“And God say, ‘Let there be boobs!’” Junghyun continued in a terrible imitation of God’s voice, spreading his arms wide open. Jungkook could hear Jimin giggle and was a bit disappointed when he felt Jimin’s hand leaving his thigh.

“Junghyun, you imbecile,” their mom gritted her teeth, knuckles turning white. Usually, at this moment, their mother would have started yelling by now but Jungkook knew she could not do anything when Jimin was here. Maybe it was the perfect time for Jungkook to start acting up to made their mother realize that they did not need this at all. Perhaps if he annoy Jimin, he would probably refuse their mother’s offer to stay for dinner next time.

Jungkook cleared his throat. “So, Jimin—” he began, only to be cut off rudely by the same woman who claimed to have given birth to him. Jimin seemed to be a little taken aback when Jungkook attempted to start a conversation with him, but he also seemed amused at the same time.

“It’s hyung, Jeon Jungkook. Where are your manners?”

Jungkook rolled his eyes before continuing. “Jimin hyung,” he emphasized the word hyung just so his mother would stop interrupting him and saw that Jimin’s face broke into a grin for the hundredth time for the past hour. “Did Jesus ever waterski over a shark?”

Jimin blinked and damn, Jungkook could literally feel his mother’s murderous glare burning a hole at the back of his head. Jungkook half-expected Jimin to answer in stutters but instead, the older man only giggled before pinching Jungkook’s cheek, causing the younger to almost whine petulantly.

“Aren’t you too adorable?”

“I’m not.” Jungkook squirmed.

Jungkook’s question was left unanswered when Junghyun added, “Could Jesus start up a jukebox just by hitting it?”

Jimin turned to face Junghyun. “He could, but Jesus doesn’t like to hit anything.”

“Speaking of hit, you never score, did you?”

The question was directed to Jimin but Jungkook was the one who instantly felt the heat rising to his cheeks. Jungkook, somehow, also found himself wondering if Jimin ever Did It with someone because there was no way in hell (or heaven, whatever) Jimin would never score. Even when he was wearing his clerical shirt (which somehow made Jimin ten times more attractive, holy shit thank you jesus), anyone could tell that he probably had some way before he chose to do whatever it was he wanted to do now.

Surprisingly, Jimin seemed calm. “Well, everyone make mistakes at least once in life.”

Then, there was the hand again. Jimin rested his hand on Jungkook’s knee, his thumb softly caressing it and fuck, Jungkook wanted to scream. How can his mother not see this? See what a sinner Jimin truly was? His mother probably took it as Jimin being friendly. If she thought having a very young youth minister who happened to be the reason Jungkook was sexually frustrated one night before was a very good idea, then she was completely wrong.

If anything, Jungkook wanted to commit even more sins than he ever did in the past right now.

So, maybe he was still attracted to Jimin.

Maybe, he still wanted to know how Jimin’s lips felt against his.

It was only then he finally regretted pushing Jimin away when the said man was inching closer to him that one eventful night. His waterfall of gushing regret was interrupted when he felt Jimin’s hand softly squeezing his knee. “But God is merciful, for he will forgive when you seek forgiveness.”

“Cough – Virgin! – Cough.”

“Bless you, Junghyun,” their mother practically yelled out, hoping that Jimin would not catch it and not be offended if he heard it.

Jimin, on the other hand, only had a hint of smile glinted on his lips, almost like he was enjoying the entire situation.

‘He probably was,’ Jungkook thought bitterly. Jungkook almost wanted to stand up and explain that Jimin was not as innocent as he look but decided that he was against it. Besides, he knew his mother would never believe him anyway. She would probably assume that Jungkook tried to make Jimin look bad or even worst, assumed that he was jealous of Jimin.

But how can he make Jimin look bad when Jimin was the one who purposely ran his tongue over his lips and placed his hand somewhere he was not supposed to?

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Dinner was even worst.

While waiting for his mother to prepare dinner, it was awkward in the living room. Junghyun had abruptly left to lock himself in his room the moment his mother announced she was going to prepare dinner, and when Jungkook tried to do the same, his mother had grab him on his arm and he was sure that she was threatening him.

(“You don’t want our guest to feel uncomfortable, don’t you?” If anything, it was Jimin who made Jungkook felt uncomfortable.

“But mom!”

“Stay, Jeon Jungkook. Make him feel welcome.”)

The couch was spacious, but their thighs still kissed. Jimin just had to sit so close to him. It was at this moment Jungkook decided that God was deaf. Jungkook switched on the TV, watching whatever show was running although his mind was screaming at him to go upstairs. He could hear Jimin humming some tune and fuck, if that wasn’t beautiful, Jungkook did not know what was. It irritated him that he was the one who felt awkward with the whole situation and yet Jimin seemed to be able to look as if he had never wanted to pound on Jungkook before.

When his dad came from the front door and joined them to watch a rerun of a sports event, Jungkook murmured an apology to God for doubting Him. His dad greeted Jimin first, the two were talking about something Jungkook did not care enough to listen to before focusing on the television screen.

After what seemed like forever, his mother finally walked out of the kitchen to announce that dinner was ready. They were sat at the rectangular wooden dining table at the dining room, with Jimin sitting across of Jungkook, his parents sat at the opposite sides while Junghyun came down to grab a chicken and then leave. Jungkook watched, snickering as his mother pinched the bridge of her nose at Junghyun’s behavior.

His parents were conversing with Jimin, leaving him to wonder why he even bothered to be there at all. It seemed like he did not belong in his own house. Clearly, his presence was ignored. It was dull until he felt something tapping on his foot lightly. He ignored it at first, thinking that it was Miura, the dog he secretly brought home a few weeks ago.

(Junghyun had laugh his ass off when Jungkook was caught bringing a dog home and guffawed even harder when Jungkook told him his name was Miura; just like the lead singer in Radio Wrecker)

Only to realize that his mother had been a major fun sponge and forced Jungkook to put the adorable little puppy to an animal shelter.

What the fuck?

Gradually, he straightened his back and chewed his mash potato slowly. Mustering his courage, he stole a glimpse at Park Jimin, who was nodding to whatever his dad had to say while feeding himself a spoonful of mash potato. Whatever, Jungkook thought and resumed eating normally until he felt it again.

There was no way in hell that would have been an accident or just wishful thinking.

He shuddered when he felt someone’s (aka Park fucking-stupid Jimin) foot casually running up to his calf and knee before lightly backing down. He was frozen in his seat, eyes wavering and internally screaming to his parents for help. There was no doubt that Park Jimin was purposely doing this to mess with his mind. When Jungkook looked up, Jimin was softly smiling and appeared to be listening intently to Jungkook’s mother rambling about the influence heavy metal music had on teenagers.

Jungkook was supposed to shift his feet, he even considered sitting crossed legs on the chair but instead, he let out a yelp when he felt Jimin’s foot brushing against his clothed crotch.

“Jesus,” his mother gasped, almost dropping the metal fork she was holding while staring scornfully at Jungkook. “What is wrong with you?”

Jungkook turned to his dad for help, but apparently the man found the chicken wings to be far more important than supporting his son out.

When he turned to Jimin, however, he was so close to lunging forward to snap his neck into half. The fucker was staring at him in fake confusion, as if he had not just purposely played footsie underneath the table while Jungkook’s parents were around. Jungkook cleared his throat in embarrassment, muttering a “nothing” and earned another glare from his mother.

And great, his pants suddenly shrunk a size.

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Jungkook could finally relax when Jimin went back home. His mother was literally gushing when the door was closed, voicing out her thoughts on how lovely Park Jimin was. Jungkook did not even bother to hide how pissed he felt when he stomped upstairs.

He abruptly dashed to his room, took his towel and locked the bathroom door to have a quick jerk off session. Jungkook almost let out a loud cry at the image of Park Jimin, in his clerical shirt and all, sucking the tip of his dick. He had to swallow the groan at the edge of his tongue as an image of a naked Jimin, wearing a rosary necklace around his neck and legs wide open crossed his mind.

When he finally came down from his high with his chest still heaving and heart still beating rapidly against his ribcage, Jungkook cursed himself for thinking of unholy thoughts about a very unholy man whom might actually be Satan himself.

He swore it would be the last time he ever think of Park Jimin like that ever again.

Who the fuck was he kidding, of course God would torture him this way.

Jungkook finally gave in and went to church just to humor his mother, eyes often drifting away to steal glances of Jimin in his black clerical shirt. That stupid black shirt was supposed to be a symbol of holiness or whatever the fuck it was supposed to represent, but Jungkook found himself swallowing when he saw Jimin clad in said outfit. If anything, Jimin looked like the human depiction of sin itself.

He tried to weigh out the pros and cons of going to church. For starters, Jimin would not have to step a foot in his house ever again. But it still did not change the fact that the church was still fucking hot, he still had to wear the goddamn tie and Jimin was there, playing the piano oh so skillfully, making Jungkook wonder how those cute fingers would feel inside of him—

Fuck.

Jungkook was really fucked.

So, maybe he did want to get fucked by pastor in training Park Jimin.

After all, what was that thing Jimin said about making a mistake at least once in life? Whatever, if Jungkook wanted to make a mistake, he had to make sure it was in the form of Park Jimin. At least he would make the eighteen year old Jungkook feel at ease after pushing Jimin away.

He convinced himself that he was simply trying to take back the chance he had lost.

The sensible part of his brain screamed: ‘Yeah, but he’s a pastor now, you fucking idiot.’

However, the Jimin-induced part of his brain screamed: “Pastor in training, not yet pastor. Pastor or not, son of a bitch is a fucking tease.”

Jungkook thought that he might be able to get through all the torture but every time Sunday came, he found himself ogling Jimin from the pew. Now, he was the one who fussed if they did not get to sit at the front row of the pews.

His mother, unaware of his son’s libido, was in tears. “Ah, look at my son! I’m so glad you’ve opened up your eyes, Jungkookie. I’m so proud of you!”

If only she knew that God was not the reason he was there. (“No offense, man,” Jungkook whispered as he glanced at the sky.)

And Jungkook knew he needed to put an end to it after he found himself, yet again, in the shower with very dirty thoughts of Park Jimin.

Jungkook finally came up with an idea that would have made Isaac Newton green with envy as he cries in his grave.

“Mom, where does Jimin live?”

“It’s Jimin hyung, you imbecile. How many times should I—”

“Sorry. Where does Jimin hyung lives?” he repeated with an eyeroll.

“I supposed he still lives with his family,” his mother answered, cleaning the ceramic plate with a rag.

He inwardly groaned – he knew pushing Jimin away was a horrible idea. But who was he to blame – he was eighteen, he was scared and the only person he ever kissed was Yugyeom and it was just an experiment for fuck’s sake! (“God, you’re a bad kisser.” “Are you helping me or not? I don’t want Yien hyung to think I’m inexperienced!” “But you are—” “Shut up.”)

“Why?”

Jungkook shook his head, walked over to the small table beside the kitchen counter to grab a cracker. “Nothing. I was just wondering a thing or two about Mary and Joseph.”

Hearing this, his mother’s ears perked up with obvious interest and a wide smile took over her cherry-tainted lips. “Is that so?”

“Mmhm.”

While Jungkook had always dreamed of becoming a professional bassist, he was considering being a soap opera actor now. Damn, he was such a good actor.

“I’ll call the Park household and ask.”

“You’d do that?”

“Anything for my sweet boy.”

There was absolutely nothing sweet about Jungkook going to Jimin’s apartment at a Thursday evening, holding his mother’s homemade apple pie in one hand and the other softly knocking on Jimin’s blue painted door. He secretly hoped that he got the wrong apartment, and then maybe he would not have to go through this.

But as soon as the door was open, he knew there was no turning back from whatever it was the he planned to do. Jimin had a startled look on his face, but soon enough it morphed into an open mouthed smile that could make the sun hide in shame. Jungkook swallowed before wincing internally – he was supposed to be nonchalant and irresistible but fuck that. Jimin’s usual groomed hair was tousled, making him even more attractive despite only wearing a plain shirt and ugly brown shorts.

“Oh, Jungkookie! Didn’t know you’d be here.”

All of a sudden, it was as if everything in his brain was switched off. The only thing he was able to do was shove the dish into Jimin’s chest in an effort to become Detached.

Jimin raised an eyebrow as he took a hold on the dish, fingers accidentally brushing over Jungkook’s and it was fortunate that the dish did not fell to the ground when Jungkook pulled his hands abruptly. He faked cough into his fist, eyes looking at the hallway as he lied shamelessly, “My mom asked me to come over.”

There was a glint in Jimin’s eyes that Jungkook did not catch. When Jungkook turned to him, Jimin only smiled, “Is that so? Come on in then.”

Jimin’s apartment was small; across the entrance there was a marbled countertop and a kitchen behind it. On Jungkook’s left was what he assumed was the living room, the bulked TV was placed on top of a wooden cabinet filled with books and a peach-coloured couch was situated a few steps away from the TV. Jungkook closed the door behind him, glancing to his right and figured Jimin’s bedroom was the one with the door slightly ajar, whilst the one with the plastic door must have been the bathroom.

“You’ve got a nice home,” Jungkook murmured, looking up at the ceiling and wondered why Jimin did not switch on the fan.

Jimin ran a hand through his hair, walked behind the countertop to place the dish and took out two soda cans from his fridge. “Thanks. Please, sit down.”

He slightly skipped to the couch and sat, noting that it was far more comfortable than it had looked. If there was anything Jungkook noticed about Jimin (other than how pouty his lips were and how gorgeous he absolutely looked in just a plain white shirt), it was the fact that he loved to occupy the space between them, leaving none.

The couch was not as big as the ones in Jungkook’s home, but there was still some space that Jimin could spare but no, he chose to sit right next to Jungkook, let their thighs touched as he placed the red cola can in front of Jungkook on the coffee table.

“So… what brings you here?” Jimin asked casually, opening the can. His eyes were trained on Jungkook the whole time he took a sip and the younger could only avert his gaze away and grabbed his soda just so he would have something to occupy his hands with.

Well, honestly, Jimin, I was planning to have a quick fuck or something like that but now that I think about it – this is such a stupid idea. I shouldn’t have thought with my dick.

“Well,” he stammered before clearing his throat, eyes glued to his lap.

“Mhm?”

“You see—”

“Mhm.”

“R-remember when, uh, how do I say this…” Jungkook muttered, ruffling his hair in frustration. Jimin only stared at him patiently as he set his drink on the table. Jungkook’s whole body tensed when he felt Jimin’s hand on his thigh and he had to physically refrain himself from shuddering when the same hand that played the piano skillfully every Sunday was inching higher.

“Yeah?” Jimin breathed out.

Jungkook swallowed.

“D-don’t do that,” he managed to croak out. “It’s distracting.”

Jimin only let out a small giggle, his hand began to stroke Jungkook’s upper thigh and brought his face nearer. “Do what?”

Jungkook bit his lower lip, his mind screaming for God to take his soul right there and then but his cock begged to differ. He could feel himself slowly hardening at the soft touches and the way Jimin was watching him.

“This,” he answered with a murmur, placing his hand on top of Jimin’s.

Jimin’s lips quirked into an amused smile. “Why is that?”

“Hyung.” Jungkook had imagined that it would come out as Tough and Intimidating, but as soon as he heard himself whine, he wanted to cry. “Don’t.”

Jimin’s hand underneath his was squeezing on his thigh lightly, and he had bitten down his lower lip coyly when he did so. “What was it you were saying earlier?”

Jungkook should have removed Jimin’s hand from his thigh, but he did not. He berated his libido for letting Park Jimin doing this to him. He continued stupidly (or rather bravely, he was not sure), “The night at Seokjin hyung’s party. You tried to kiss me.”

Instead of denying and pulling his hand away, Jimin only nodded and began moving his hand on Jungkook’s inner thigh, almost making Jungkook clamp his thighs together. Jungkook pulled his hand away from Jimin, awkwardly holding the can of soda with both hands.

“I did,” Jimin agreed with a hum. “Still am, honestly.”

While his mind was screaming for him to push Jimin and run as fast as he could, there was a small voice inside his head that was encouraging him to just go with it. Jimin worked in a church that was only a few streets away now, training as a pastor and yet there he was, giving Jungkook suggestive looks and touches that were far from friendly.

“But it’s all wrong,” Jungkook heard himself whisper. He watched as Jimin’s lips curved into a wider grin, revealing his slightly crooked front tooth.

“But it feels right, doesn’t it?” Jimin whispered, his hand now left his thigh to palm on Jungkook’s crotch.

The younger looked away in embarrassment, a crimson flush spread from under his collar when he felt Jimin lightly rubbing his clothed semi. “Jungkookie,” Jimin whispered tantalizingly on his ear. Jungkook was thankfully able to stop himself from letting out a whimper when he felt Jimin’s tongue slowly licking his earlobe. “Hyung wants to do this for so long, do you have any idea?”

“N-no,” he gulped.

“You’ll be a good boy, won’t you?” Jimin asked, before lightly biting his helix, Jimin’s hand still rubbing him.

Jungkook gasped softly before nodding. Shit, he really needed to go now.

Why go when you can finally live your bathroom fantasies?

Before Jungkook could turn his head, to kiss the lips he had been dreading to taste, Jimin pulled away and shifted his position a bit further than before. The emotion Jungkook felt was betrayal and perhaps disappointment at the sudden action. Jimin can’t just get somebody hot and all flustered and then suddenly stop – it was unforgivable.

“When did you change your mind? Last time I remember, you pushed me away.”

Jungkook pursed his lips in a straight line; the forceful waterfall of regret began gushing again. He placed his soda can on the space behind him, it was not like he had the purpose to drink it in the first place. Jimin was watching him with amusement now as he crossed his arms against his chest.

“Well,” Jungkook licked his dry lips. “Things might have changed,” he reasoned lamely, looking up to Jimin to watch his reaction. “And I might have been spending my time in the bathroom tad longer than I was supposed to…”

Jimin chuckled drolly, slowly leaning back to eye Jungkook from head to toe.

“Show me then.”

“Excuse me?” he croaked.

“Why did you spend your time in the bathroom, Jungkookie? Were you doing something you weren’t supposed to?” Jimin lowered his voice an octave, but despite trying to sound intimidating, Jungkook can still hear the enjoyment in his voice.

“You know,” Jungkook muttered, ears burning hot. “The things… boys do sometimes. I’m pretty sure you do it too.”

Jimin blinked with feign innocence. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Unless you show me, then maybe I can tell you if I do it too.”

There was no way Jungkook would have jerked off in front of the object of his fantasy, but his hands were already holding the waistband of his jeans. He felt like he was suffocating in the tight jeans, with the tent that was already growing in there so he might as well take it off and start putting on a show. Of course Jimin knew what exactly what he was talking about, he could see the malicious intent behind his innocent façade but somehow Jungkook wanted to give his all to Jimin.

“I…” Jungkook bit his lip in shame, slowly standing up from his seat. Jimin watched as Jungkook lower down his jeans, but still leaving his gray brief on. “I guess I have to show you then.”

Jimin wanted to backflip to the sun, to scream on top of his lungs because holy fuck, was Jungkook really going to do it? He had been just jesting around, trying to get Jungkook to become bothered and flustered but he had no idea that Jungkook was really going to jack offin front of him.

Jimin swallowed, eyes glued to the obvious bulge.

He should have stopped, he knew he should have but a part of him refused to voice this out. Jungkook looked vulnerable, adorable even, with his blushing cheeks and eyes that can’t seem to turn to Jimin. The room’s temperature suddenly grew hotter, he blamed it for not switching on the fan.

The Jimin A Year Ago would have started to pound on Jungkook the moment Jungkook whined, but after spending a few months training with Father Choi, he had grown to be collected and tranquil but fuck, no one actually taught him to stop himself from tainting the younger.

Jungkook was his junior, whom he tried to sleep with a year ago because he saw the orange hankie on the left side of his jeans, and Jimin had lost his chance when Jungkook rejected him. While he should have moved on and maybe kick Jungkook out of his apartment right this instant, he found himself letting out a groan when Jungkook slowly and rather torturously, placed a hand inside his brief while the other inched his tee up just a bit.

Jimin’s breath hitched in his throat when Jungkook glanced up to him, doe eyes watching his reaction. It was getting difficult for Jimin to remain composed when Jungkook let out the prettiest sigh, his hand tenderly massaging his aching cock.

Jimin had to clear his throat as quiet as he could, knowing well that his voice might come out hoarse if he did not do so, before blinking innocently. “Did you have your brief on when you usually do this?”

“No, but—”

Jimin cocked a brow. Jungkook bit his lower lip for umpteenth time today, hesitating to expose himself but he was already here. Shutting his eyes, he finally discarded his briefs, lightly kicking it to get it off from his feet. Jungkook did not dare to look up to Jimin, feeling a little bit humiliated as this was the first time someone saw his dick – and it was half hard, at that.

“Proceed.” He heard Jimin instructed.

Jungkook licked his lips as he pumped himself.

Jimin began shifting uncomfortably in his seat, his cock twitching with excitement as Jungkook clamped his lips shut to stay silent.

It was only when Jungkook’s mouth dropped open, head thrown back that Jimin finally spoke. “Stop.”

Jungkook’s strokes gradually slowed down and finally stopped to thumb his slit that was oozing with precum.

“I understand,” Jimin nodded. He may have looked collected on the outside, but he was literally burning on the inside. The devil inside of him was screaming at him to pin the younger against the wall, fuck him so hard he would not be able to walk for days but he managed to breathe through his nose properly before standing up from the couch.

Jungkook’s half-lidded eyes followed Jimin’s movement; finger did not stop to swirl around the head. Jimin strode closer, a smirk on his lips and Jungkook gasped softly when he felt Jimin’s hand wrapped around the base of his cock and squeezed it lightly. “To answer your question earlier,” Jimin murmured, nosing the crook of Jungkook’s neck.

“I touch myself too, sometimes,” he continued, hand began moving to stroke Jungkook.

Jungkook held back the groan at the back of his throat, one hand flew to grab Jimin’s arm. Jimin only smirked against his collarbone, satisfied at the way Jungkook’s hand holding on to his arm. Jimin stopped at the tip, gave it a squeeze before pulling his hand away, earning a small whimper from Jungkook.

Jimin stepped back, sardonically grin at Jungkook’s expression – half-lidded eyes, lips parted and chest heaving. He was beautiful.

“Hyung…”

Jimin would be lying if he said it was not a turn on. Jungkook had been difficult, a little bit hardheaded in showing respect to Jimin. When they first interacted at Seokjin’s house, the younger had rolled his eyes when Jimin asked to be called ‘hyung’, he even assumed that Jimin had been lying about his age. But now that Jungkook was flustered, Jimin did not need to remind him who was older now.

“Yeah?” Jimin chuckled.

He thought it was impossible for Jungkook to turn even redder, but he was wrong. Unlike the times he would turn his eyes away, Jungkook mustered every courage he had to look up to Jimin and hoped he looked enticing enough when he said, “Want you.”

Fuck.

“Right now?”

“Right now.”

“Here?”

“Here.”

Jimin seemed to be pleased with Jungkook’s answer when he grinned.

“Well,” Jimin huffed, sitting on the couch. “Come here.” He patted his lap.

Jungkook obeyed, sitting astride him. He sighed when Jimin moved closer, causing his hardened cock to brush against Jimin’s stomach. “You’re so cute,” Jimin murmured before tilting his head slightly and let his lips rested on Jungkook’s tenderly. Jimin parted his lips slightly, running a tongue on Jungkook’s bottom lip and the younger opened up, letting Jimin’s tongue slid over his. He did not even realize that Jimin had one hand on his nape, softly massaging it.

It was Jimin who pulled away, and Jungkook found himself leaning as if he wanted to prolong the kiss.

“You wanna come see my room?”

Jungkook lied on Jimin’s bed, shirt was thrown somewhere on the floor while Jimin began undressing himself. Jungkook did not dare to look up, only focused his gaze on the ceiling as his mind tried to convince him to back out before things could get even worst. But damn, he had been thinking about this for days and Jimin was such a fucking tease and yeah, he deserved it.

“You alright?” he heard Jimin murmur.

“Yeah.”

“First time?”

Jungkook gulped before nodding.

He felt the bed dip beside his legs and before he knew it, Jimin spread him open. He tilted his head to look at Jimin, and thank fucking God, he was finally naked too. Jimin lowered himself, stomach flat on the bed as his legs kicked the air. “Up a bit,” Jimin instructed, placing a hand underneath Jungkook’s cheek to spread it. Jungkook lifted his hips a little, one foot planted on the mattress.

“H-hyung…” he gasped when he felt Jimin’s tongue licking his entrance. “What are you—” he was unable to form a coherent sentence when he felt it again.

“Wanna make you feel good,” Jimin answered, one finger circling on the rim before kissing Jungkook’s balls, causing the younger to shudder.

“I…” Jungkook panted. “Wanna make you feel good too.”

Jimin chuckled.

Jungkook was about to sit up, to probably switch their position but was abruptly against it when he felt Jimin’s warm mouth sucking on his scrotum, back arched at the sensation. “J-Jimin… Oh my god…”

Jimin softly tug on his balls before pulling away, earning a groan from Jungkook that was soon replaced with a whimper when Jimin gave his perineum a lick.

“Wanna fuck you. Can I?”

Jungkook nodded, a little too eagerly. Jimin smiled the 1000 watt smile and at that moment, Jungkook felt something swell in his chest, despite Jimin resting his cheek against his inner thigh and his hand kneading his ass.

“Have you ever fingered yourself?” Jimin asked, sitting up from his position and Jungkook could now see Jimin’s cock standing proud, curving towards his stomach. Jimin was thick and Jungkook, fuck, found himself gulping at the sight.

It was only when he heard a click that Jungkook realized he had not answered Jimin’s question yet. He willed himself to look up from Jimin’s dick, and focused on the older’s lips instead. “No, never,” his voice drowned into a whisper.

Jimin smirked, closing the lid of the bottle he was holding. “You wanna do it yourself, or shall I?”

The question made Jungkook wonder the amount of times Jimin had probably done this. He grimaced at the thought of Jimin doing it with someone else that was not him. The only thing Jungkook ever did with another guy was giving him a head, and it was something he wished to never relive again. It was a horrible experience – the guy was practically fucking his mouth and fuck, he had to swallow it all. It was nasty.

But Jimin seemed like he had done more than just a sloppy blowjob, he could tell from the way he was prepared with the lube. Jungkook had one at home, but never had the chance to use it. He was afraid he’ll get caught with a finger up his ass by anyone in the house.

Jungkook blushed as he replied, “Do it for me.”

“If you say so. Turn around, on fours.”

Jungkook obeyed, using his arms to prop himself. He wanted to look at Jimin, to see his face expression, see the way his lips fall when he came. He heard the click again and this time, Jungkook turned around. Jimin cocked an eyebrow, his hand squeezing the lube into his hands.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he faked cough. “Just wanna see you, that is all.”

“That’s cute,” Jimin giggled. “If it hurts, tell me and I’ll stop.”

Jungkook frowned – why would I stop when I got you where I wanted? – but nodded nonetheless.

“Relax, okay? Trust me.”

Jungkook took a deep breath, attempting to calm his wildly beating heart.

Jimin inserted two fingers inside the pink rim, as much as his eyes wanted to watch Jungkook’s hold clenched around his fingers, he had to look up to see any sign of discomfort from Jungkook. Jungkook was biting his lower lip so hard, eyes shut and nose scrunched. In spite of being worried, he could not help but to think how cute Jungkook was.

He began to twist his fingers, moving them in and out slowly, often curving them and scissoring them before adding in another digit.

Initially, it was painful but as soon as Jimin thrusted his fingers, the pain subsided. Jungkook’s mouth opened into a silent moan, his tensed arms slowly relaxing. Jimin began to increase his speed then with Jungkook’s moans fueling him. When Jungkook began to rut himself back onto his fingers, Jimin pulled out.

“Hyung, no no, put them back in,” Jungkook whined.

Jimin snickered at the younger, pouring a liberal amount of lube onto his shaft, shuddered at the coolness and stroked his dick with it.

“Shh,” he murmured, brought himself closer to peck on Jungkook’s nose, one arm propped at Jungkook’s side while he used the other one to align his cock to Jungkook’s entrance. “This will be better.”

“Holy—” Jungkook inhaled sharply when he felt Jimin’s tip pressed against his entrance. Jimin entered rather slowly, stretching the inside of his walls and it was more agonizing than his fingers. Jungkook threw his head back and Jimin took the chance to nip on his neck.

“Fuck,” Jimin panted when he was fully inside. “You’re so tight.”

Jungkook would have snapped (“What the fuck do you think?!”), but he had Jimin inside of him and there really was no space in his brain that would let him do anything other than think about how huge Jimin felt inside of him. His own cock was hot and heavy, but he made no move to pump himself.

Jungkook was about to instruct Jimin to move, but he let out a yelp when Jimin pulled out and snapped his hips.

“Shit, hyung…”

Jimin began moving slowly, straightened his back to hold onto Jungkook’s hips as he moved.

Jungkook was so lovely underneath him, as if he was made to be like this – to have his dark hair sticking up everywhere, half-lidded eyes staring straight at Jimin, pink lips open to produce such dirty sounds that sound beautiful in Jimin’s ears and knuckles gripping tightly on the mattress.

He knew he found the spot when Jungkook let out a particularly loud moan, back arching so gorgeously.

“T-there… Keep going…”

Jimin loved seeing Jungkook writing on his bed, loved the obscene noises they both made, loved the way Jungkook’s hand wrapped around his while the other grip tightly on the pillow beneath his head and god, he absolutely loved the way Jungkook kept on calling him hyung, begging for Jimin to go faster as his breathing became erratic.

The younger came untouched, painting their chests and stomachs white, toes curling and hips lifted from the bed when the orgasm hit him. On the other hand, Jimin kept on going, despite Jungkook jerking every single time he hit the bundle of nerves due to sensitivity. Jungkook began whimpering then when Jimin touched his cock, milking him and at the same time, bucking his hips into him.

Jungkook watched as Jimin moaned his name, eyes scrunched tightly as his body stilled from a minute, before he felt Jimin filling his inside. He abruptly pulled out from Jungkook, collapsing on his chest with a groan. Jungkook let out a yelp as he pushed Jimin off, can’t bear to have his dick being in contact with anything.

Jimin rolled lazily onto his side, placing a peck on his cheek. He looked gorgeous, cheeks tainted red and bangs matted on his forehead. His ribcage expanded and contracted heavily against the mattress, hand slowly travelled to entwine his fingers with Jungkook’s.

With heaving chest, Jungkook croaked out, “Now what?”

The thought of having to meet Jimin at church every Sunday pained him, not that it dawned to him that he loved seeing the half-moons Jimin’s eyes made when he smiled.

“Now,” Jimin breathed on his ear, causing him to shudder. “We have a secret.”

“What would…” Jungkook gulped, trying to steady his breathing. “What would they say, if they knew?”

“Who?”

“Everyone.”

“Screw them.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jungkook decided that he found Jimin’s smile to no longer be annoying, but contagious. He found himself grinning when the older did, and he could not help the fluttery feelings he felt in his chest, slowly bubbling its way up to his throat and came out as a giggle.

Jimin pressed his lips on Jungkook’s shoulder, slightly grazing his teeth on his skin before asking, “Wanna go again?”

#jikook #kookmin #kfk:oneshot #jikook fic #jikook fanfic #kookmin fic #kookmin fanfic #jeon jungkook #park jimin #bts #bts fanfic

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

Text

Survey #82

“there’s a child out on the battlefield, a pistol in each hand.”

so, i’m guessing you’re single? not anymore, no. would you ever date someone because of money? fuck that shit. your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner, what do you do? i'm going to be realistic. first, i'd demand him and her both to fuck off. don't move? i'm fucking punching her teeth out. do you have a reason to smile right now? i guess so, but i'm not. have you had sex today? i never have. do you remember the last girl you texted? my mom, yeah. are you stubborn? oh you have no idea. has anyone called you perfect before? yes, but they're wrong. where is the biggest scar on your body? on my left shin. i scratched the living shit out of it with my own nails because it was so itchy. have you ever been told you were amazing? yes, and they're also wrong. would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? HELL no. do you get irritated easily? very, sadly. would you rather be a blonde or a brunette? blonde, really. easier to dye. have you ever had feelings for 2 people at the same time? yes, i do right now. do you believe that leaving a significant other for someone else is ever a good idea? i mean, it can be. if you found someone seemingly perfect for you, but it turned out they had a child… would you still give the relationship a chance? not at this age. literally the only situation in which i would do that is if it was jason. is it possible to ‘fall out of love’? yeah. what happened last time you got drunk? nothing, really. i've never been smash-faced drunk. the only time i've ever been drunk i was still pretty aware of what i was doing, which wasn't much. have you ever thrown up from drinking? no, but i have thrown up from taking medicine like 15 minutes before drinking literally a sip of alcohol. do you find piercings attractive? generally, yes. have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? i've been through enough to take down a lot of people, honestly. ever got suspended from school? no. what would you do with a $10 bill you found on the ground? if there's no source of identification around, i'm going to keep it. are you ticklish? yes, mainly on my feet. have you taken someones virginity? no. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? nope. who was the last person you danced with? colleen. can't decide if i miss her or not. do you tan in the nude? i don't tan period. have you ever had the chicken pox? i have not. have you ever been evicted? yes. would you grow your own garden? no. i'd honestly be too lazy to take good care of it. do you know anyone who snores? lots of people. when I say ‘foxy lady’ what comes to mind? the jimi hendrix song. would you own a siamese cat? sure, they're very cute. do you like deviled eggs? NO. what is your favorite horror movie? "blair witch project 2: book of shadows" have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? yep. what is your favorite daft punk song? i only know "technologic" what is your favorite type of museum? ones with dinosaur fossils/skeletons. if you had children or do would you tell them the truth about santa claus? eventually i'd tell them, but of course i'd raise them to believe in santa. what color are your slippers? tan. they're meerkats. ;3; which accents can you emulate pretty well? i've been told i speak british so well that i sound native. are you more awkward talking to people in real life or online? real life, absolutely. i'm not half bad online. do you think you’ll ever manage to do everything you want to? absolutely not. are you a good driver? if you can’t drive yet, do you think you’ll be good? no. i don't even have my license yet. i go into total panic mode when i drive; i grip the wheel like i'm driving through the apocalypse. i also have tremors, and also due to certain meds, idk if i can even get my license. what is/was your favorite thing about school? seeing jason. have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? @ rhett&link/gmm, markiplier, silent hill, meerkats... i need to chill lmao. have you ever been to a protest? no. are you afraid of the dark? no. what comes up on your recommended list on youtube? gmm videos, markiplier videos, metal music... what’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? we had this huge lab mix (pretty sure he was part great dane) that was technically my older sister's dog named harley for a while. he was huge. what is something you like to have conversations about? my fandoms bc i'm pathetic, deep, philosophical things, music... what is something unusual that annoys you? walking in the out door and out the in. who is taller, you or your best friend? i don't have a best friend anymore. which time zone do you live in? eastern standard when was the first time you ever listened to your favorite music artist? all seven? well. ozzy osbourne: 6th grade, going through mom's cds metallica: ^ marilyn manson: ^ otep: i heard "ghostflowers" in a video and really like it, so looked up more of their music a day to remember: recommended videos, actually. cradle of filth: umm... iii feel like my first song by them was "tonight in flames," but i don't remember where i heard it. rammstein: i heard "waidmanns heil" on that one rock band game. have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours? i have not. what is/was your favorite stuffed animal growing up! a moose named brownie what is your state or country’s minimum wage? $7.25. pathetic, i know. what is your favorite constellation and why? don't have a favorite. if you could have any hair style you wanted, what would it look like? don't fucking judge me, but i sincerely and honestly love the big, emo swoop. my hair is just so thick so it's like impossible to get it to work with me. can you play any instruments? i played the flute for yeeeaaars, but like, i don't even remember most notes. what is your favorite topic in history class? the holocaust name one dream that ruined your day when you woke up. my dad raped me. would you like to marry whoever you’re seeing right now? i don't know yet, we haven't been together long at all. i'm not making that decision yet. do you prefer candles or incense? incense do you eat candy corn? ew, no. have your parents ever thought you were gay? what happened? no. are your parents more liberal or conservative? conservative. when was the last time you saw your best friend? a few weeks ago when she essentially told me to get my shit and go. how many jobs have you ever had? (including things like babysitting) two. if you’ve seen both, did you prefer the disney version or the tim burton version of alice in wonderland? burton's version is actually my all-time favorite movie. what do you see yourself doing in 10 years? you want me to be honest? an unsuccessful photographer, probably. hopefully married by then, but who knows. what was your favorite 90's show? pokemon, motherfuckers. what is your favorite fruit? strawberries how do you feel about oral? it's just... really gross to me. what do you wish you didn't know? many, many things. but mainly, that some people just do not cherish love. favorite kind of chips? flamin' hot cheetos has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you? hm. odd. he's not around anymore. has anyone ever told you that you have a cute nose? lol wut how many kids do you want? at this point in my life, i don't even know if i want any to begin with. if i do though, two is preferable. does anyone call you babe? tyler does. i don't exactly like it, but i don't think we're really close enough yet for me to be brave enough to tell him so. where does most of your family live? well. mom's family is in new york, dad's is in ohio and michigan, and my very immediate family (parents + immediate sisters) lives here in nc. have your parents ever smoked pot? idk. rent a movie or go to movies? go to the movies! do you know anyone who works at mcdonald’s? not personally. where do your cousins live? new york and ohio. do you like the all-american rejects? not particularly. have you ever finished a whole video game? plenty, yeah. which one of your friends has great music taste? hmm. i mean, a good number of them do. how do you feel about death? it's a very scary, mysterious thing. do you have any cats? not currently. do you believe in the underworld? well, i believe in hell. what is your favorite flower? tiger lilies have you ever been betrayed? i have been betrayed. where do you think we go when we die? heaven or hell. i used to believe in purgatory, but that's a catholic thing. when was the last time you went to a funeral? yeeeaaars ago. are you scared of cancer? i mean... who isn't? i don't readily worry about it, even though it looks like it may run in my family. we've seen thyroid, breast, and kidney cancers. how many phobias do you have? i only have three that i consider to be, by definition, "phobias," those three being whale sharks, dolls, and pregnancy. how many bisexual friends do you have? two that i can think of off the top of my head. do your parents wear glasses? mom does to drive and read, and dad does to read. when was the last time you threw up? only like a week back. i think my latuda makes me nauseous. do you have mental issues? oh, you know, only chronic depression, general anxiety, social anxiety, ptsd, borderline personality disorder, and potentially avoidant personality disorder. fun times, right? are you good at chemistry? NOOOOOO do you have online friends? alex, shay, jax, lona, mini, sam, alyssa, sammy, others... safe to say i have more online than "real" friends. do you like your handwriting? i do. are you nosy? very. have you ever been called emo? yeah. gonna be totally honest here, i don't pay attention to what the stereotype is anymore, but i probably am one lol. do you have a big nose? no. how long has it been since you kissed someone? well over a year. if someone was to ask you if you were okay right now, are you? for once, sure. the last person you held hands with go to your school? he did, we're both no longer in school. what person of the opposite sex makes you laugh most? link neal and mark fischbach<3 do you have any medication you have to take every day? latuda, lamictal, propanalol, birth control for period cramps... did you reject or accept your last friend request? reject. we had no mutual friends. the fuck did you find me and what do you want. do you like pretzels? the soft ones. hard ones are eh. if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, how long have you been together? like a week. do you look at older pictures and laugh? no, i'm usually the one cringing. what was the first thing you ate today? nothing yet but i currently hear bacon popping ahhhh~ have you ever tried lemon brownies? no, sounds disgusting. have you ever been to hawaii? no. i have a cousin there though, actually. do you have a sister that steals your things? no. what is your father’s middle name? john do you think that you’re a good person? i guess. are you on medication for anything? bipolarity and anxiety. i was on an anti-depressant, but apparently you're not supposed to do that if you have bipolarity. have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader? ... i was a cheerleader when i was really little. are you irish? yeah. do you know how to insert a tampon? yeah are you ever afraid to be yourself? only always. how many people have told you they were in love with you? one or two. are you emotional? too emotional. who is one person that you no longer hang out with? why did that association end? colleen. because essentially, she's a judgmental child in a 21-year-old body. who was the last person to endanger your life, whether it was accidentally or intentionally? ummm. idk. have you ever experienced an overly clinging boy-/girlfriend? no. with which family member do you get along with the least? the best? least, my grandma. best, probably my dad. have you ever felt like someone abandoned you? if yes, explain? i felt like my dad did for a few years, but jason absolutely did. what are some unfair stereotypes against women? JUST SOME?! well, above anything else, that we're less competent than men and are overall the weaker gender. how about against men? that they're all insensitive pigs and that they must be logical at all times. who was the last person to make you feel like you mattered? mom, i guess, for bringing me to debbie's so i wouldn't be home with nothing to do. do you prefer vertical or horizontal stripes? horizontal. can you name all 50 american states? probably not. have you ever ridden a motorcycle? no. have you ever needed stitches? on my chin, yeah. have you ever been in a submarine? no. do you think barbie is a negative role model for young girls? in some ways, sure. unrealistic expectations can be set. have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna? hot tub, yeah. i will absolutely never go in a sauna. do you believe there used to be dragons? nope. who’s your favorite god from ancient history? i'm not entirely sure. who was your first kiss? jason have you ever carved a pumpkin? a badass one, i must say. did you ever have a treehouse as a kid? no. have you ever appeared on youtube? ohhhh god. could you ever have an affair with a married person? noooo. have you ever planted a tree? yes. an apple tree, i think. can you count your number of serious relationships on one hand? one, so yes how about number of sexual partners? again, one, so yeah. what’s your middle name? marie. my catholic middle name is catherine tho and i still use it because that's part of my upbringing, history, and making of who i am. do you have any siblings? two immediate sisters, ashley and nicole, three half-sisters named misty, mary kathryn (katie), and tiffany (whom i've never met), and a half-brother named robert (bobby). do you care if people hate you for no reason? i honestly kinda do. are you one of those people who gets jealous of boys/girls your current bf/gf dated? nah. their relationships ended for a reason, so why be jealous? your last ex runs up to you, kisses you, & tells you they want you back. you? this is the first occasion in my life where i can honestly say i think i'd slap him, roll my eyes, and walk away. is it easy to make you cry? painfully easy. what color is your hair naturally? i was born dirty blonde, but it turned brown with age. are you afraid of heights? in some situations, yes. have you ever laughed so hard you cried? i do that VERY easily. like, i SOB. do you find piercings attractive? in general, sure. do you find tattoos attractive? again, generally. do you curse in front of your parents? with dad, i'm totally open. mom, i generally don't say "fuck." do you like eating mashed potatoes? no, i hate mashed potatoes. have you ever been called a bad influence? no. have you ever been to disney world? i have. do you ever play games on the computer? i currently can't, because my gaming laptop currently has a fried psu or graphics card. i used to play repeats of both the "amnesia" games (particularly the sequel), i'd occasionally progress in "outlast," and i regularly played "world of warcraft," which was very important to me for like two years. i guess conditions have kinda forced me to quit, but i still vaguely keep up with what's going on in the game. do you and your significant other have a special song? what is it? no. what if you found the last person you kissed, in bed with the last person you texted? ... well that's a mess because that's a gay scene i couldn't even begin to concoct the last person you held hands with - have you ever kissed them? on the cheek. honestly because i felt pressured to. is there anything you would like to say to your most recent ex? no. i have literally nothing more to say. if your friends are sexually active but you aren’t, does that bother you? have you ever felt pressured to have sex before you were ready, because your friends had done it? it doesn't bother me, no. and i never felt pressured because my friends had done it, but rather by my age, i guess. it's a very weak thought and honestly does not come often, so it's not much of a nuisance, but sometimes it is weird- not embarrassing, mind you- to admit "oh yeah i'm 21 and still a virgin despite having been in a very serious relationship." name 7 things that make you happy, and explain how it might affect you if you had to give them up. oh god, seven? that's a lot. um. well, writing it one; giving it up would be... kinda devastating, because i do it so much on a daily basis. photography is another, and that would really fucking suck to give it up because i want to make a career out of that. watching my favorite youtubers is a ginormous one, and tbh i'd rather die than have to lose that hobby. um, i like gaming obvs, but i could give it up because i obviously have due to my computer issue and the fact my consoles are broken. i don't enjoy not being able to do it, but i mean, i've survived. i like drawing when i actually have inspiration... but i could also give it up because again, i pretty much have because i judge my work excessively, and i got tired of it. i like exploring the outdoors/interesting areas, but i barely ever have the chance to even do this, so i mean, there's nothing to give up. i enjoy fishing, but it's another thing i haven't done in actual years, so. what is your mom’s and dad’s favorite tv show? i'm not sure... but both my parents really love "the big bang theory" when you were younger and misbehaved, what did your parents threaten you with? mom would threaten to count to one, lmao. i always assumed zero meant i'd get spanked. who has the biggest ego you know? jason's best friend dillon. how would you react if your last ex wanted to get back together? ugh. do you and your family go on a vacation ever year? no. who was your most romantic moment with? jason who does your most embarrassing moment involve? also jason. does your dad swear? yeah. when you like someone, do you picture what your children will look like? well that's remotely creepy lol, no. do you know how to tap dance? i know how to clog, and i mean, it's the same thing, just different shoes. are you craving any food right now? if so, what? yeah, i want pizza. ;-; what’s your favorite flavor of skittles? RED when was the last time you used oil pastels? high school if pot was finally legalized where you live, what would you do? quite honestly be mad because people are fucking stupid. as if cigarettes weren't enough of an issue. how bad are your hangovers? i've never had one. do you think taco bell is nasty? well i don't like mexican, so... have you ever taken a break from facebook or other social media? why? i haven't. who knows about your tumblr account? only online friends. where did you and your current interest go on your first date? to the movies + a pizza place. who was your high school sweetheart? are you still in contact? jason, and no. were you popular or invisible in high school? totally invisible. have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? what happened? juan and jason had "issues." jason at least seemed to have very little issue with him, but juan absolutely loathed jason. despite not really showing dislike towards him, there was one occasion where circumstances had it where both jason and juan were at my house, and the fucking tension was unreal. jason and i had been dating for around a year now, so i mean i loved him, but i wasn't impressed with him bringing up certain things between he and juan (they weren't exactly fond of each other before me due to someone they had both had relations with); jason clearly meant these things to not be aggressive or anything, but rather to just be nostalgic, but y'know... just don't. he was perfectly aware juan didn't like him; don't bait the dude. nothing actually went wrong, but ugh, that was stressful and the distaste they had for each other was obvious. have you ever had an experience that was not in keeping with the sexual orientation you currently identify with? no. did you go to preschool? yeah. do you know your blood type? a-, i'm pretty sure. could you be a teacher? nope. no way in hell could i handle like 20-30 kids. quick! chinese or mexican food? chinese, but i don't like much of either. how many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life? only one was truly "significant," but i'm been in a relationship with three others. do you hate your ex? no, i don't. have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? yeah. what’s your fast food restaurant of choice? bojangle's. ya'll outside nc don't know what you're missing, lol. what did you and your ex fight about most? the fact he was 110% logic and had no consideration to his emotions. are you embarrassed by any of the songs in your itunes? ... it's why i don't let anyone else use it lmao do you like to swim? it's the one exercise i enjoy, really. have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? no. really wanted jason to come with us to the beach one year when we had a dance competition, but he couldn't take off work that many days. how slowly or quickly would you say you eat? i'm a very fast eater. i mean i'm not messy, i just eat quickly. what outfit makes you feel the most attractive? ... none? when you think about marriage, what thoughts come up? not much, honestly. kinda hard to think of much when you don't have a belief on whom you're gonna marry. other than yourself, who knows you the best? it's still probably jason, honestly. do you know anyone who has autism/asperger’s syndrome? i do know someone with asperger's has anyone of the same sex ever hit on you? kinda indirectly. are you open to a same-sex relationship and why or why not? no, because i'm heterosexual. do you think boys look good in skinny jeans? sure. do you think it’s okay for boys to dress like girls and vice versa? sure. what went wrong in your previous relationship? he didn't believe in me. if you’re in one, is anything wrong with it now? no. how would you react to being cheated on? nothing in regards to being hurt surprises me anymore. is drinking and smoking a dating deal-breaker for you? i absolutely will not date someone who smokes, and if you drink more than seldomly, i'm not putting up with you, either.

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

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Survey #80

oh wow, sorry for the inactivity ya’ll. been busy with moving and no internet...

is your hair damaged? no, it's very healthy, actually. people love my hair, makes me feel amazing tbh ;;u;; who was the last person you threw out of your life? um idk really. i rarely throw people out... i believe in fixing relationships. most, realistically, are salvageable. how many hours did you sleep last night? like... none. e_e has someone disappointed you recently? yes. a friend was acting rather immature last night. do you prefer hot or cold weather? COLD COLD COLD are you afraid of roller coasters? yup. are you shy? VERY!!! do you hate it when you go over to someone’s house and do absolutely nothing? no, so long i have my phone or laptop. what color is the hair of the last person you kissed? black does the last person you kissed wear glasses? nope you’re on your way home from a night out, and you’re sure someone is following you. what do you do? drive to the nearest police station. what colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? only black what color ARE your lashes? black what font do you usually use? a small version of arial or garamond. do you put gel or mousse in your hair? i do not. ever used to have an imaginary friend? no actually. ever used a dreamcatcher? if so, did it work? nope. ever took ballet, jazz, or tap dancing classes? jazz, hip hop, clogging, modern... wear a specific necklace every day? i do not. are you an affectionate person? very. what is something you are proud of? graduating in the highest tier of my graduating class. time of day you were born? 11:20 A.M., i think. are you a boy or girl? girl how do you want to die? idk, really. some pretty painless way. ever made out in the bathroom? no. are you scared of spiders? most. do you have piercings? how many? yes, two in each earlobe. i've HAD many more, buuut... long story. want any more? yep. labret on lip, snake eyes on tongue, right side of nose, more on my ears... have you ever been on a horse? i have. have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? i have, much to my dismay. do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? doubt it. ever been to alaska? i wish! what’s your zodiac sign? aquarius do you like subway? ye what is your least favorite color? brown or like, puke green. do you like to read? not anymore, no. what’s something you’re really passionate about? m e e r k a t s ! ! ! ever been bitten by a snake? nope a spider? not to my knowledge ever had a job? if so, what and for how long? two, yes. gamestop sales clerk for like a month. dollar general cashier for legit four days lmao. ever won yourself a stuffed animal? sure ever had someone else win you a stuffed animal? i think. do you like lollipops or suckers? yeah, sure. favorite fruit? strawberries favorite vegetable? broccoli favorite meat? chicken do you drink energy drinks? nope. ever used crest white strip? no, but i'd like to. do you want to cut your hair? i need it trimmed. do you have any scars? shin and chin is your profile private? my facebook one? yes. what artist do you have the most songs for in your itunes/music library? ozzy osbourne or metallica what’s your blood type? a- do people ever say your name wrong? how do they say it? no. it's such a common name, so. which do you like better, biographies or autobiographies? autobiographies, imo. do you think that your parents give you a lot of freedom? even at 21, no. which do think is classier, black clothes or white clothes? black have you ever seen a ghost? explain: idk. i KNOW i've seen some inhuman entity walking on all fours once before, but idk if it was truly a "ghost" do you like oatmeal? eh, i'm picky. can't have too much milk, i'll tell ya that for sure. are any of your friends in a band? no. what is the worst food experience you’ve had? eating brussel sprouts omg never again do you know how to tap dance? i know how to clog. same thing, just different shoes for a different sound effect. what’s your favorite flavor of skittles? RED OMG when was the last time you used oil pastels? high school art class do you know who edward gein is? hmmmm... wasn't he some serial killer or even a satanist, something along those lines? name sounds familiar. think there's a character in the silent hill franchise in his name. if pot was finally legalized, what would you do? idk if it's legal in nc, but anyway, i still wouldn't do it. do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? inside do you prefer an automatic or a manual transmission? automatic who is your favorite disney character? not sure, maybe mufasa. if you’re staying home all day, do you bother getting changed or do you just stay in your pajamas? stay in pajamas. if you don’t drive - how come? if you do - how old were you when you got your license? i have my permit, but i don't drive much because of anxiety. i am a nervous wreck, and i'm not comfortable endangering other's lives. have you ever caught a tadpole? ye. (: what kind of dog would you get if you could choose any breed? right now, a chow chow. how often do you listen to rap? like never. do you have the boobs to work at hooters? boobs, maybe, but not the body. granted, i'm only a d because of my weight. when i wasn't overweight, i was a c. are you wearing a ring, if so who gave it to you? yes, and my mama. if someone of importance checked your profile, would you be embarrassed? what profile, my facebook? not really. has anyone ever told you “forever”? AND YET HE'S NOT HEEEEEREEEEE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :D which is harder - walking in the snow or sand? sand, omg. do you like sour candy? YEAH in one word, how would you describe your best friend? honest. is there a song that reminds you of your best friend? "friends" by... i think it's blake shelton? she's established that's "our song," which i think is so cute. ;w; what's annoying you right now? even just a little bit counts. okay so a friend from high school was talking to me via facebook last night, and he just... did something that REALLY got under my skin. first let my say that in high school, he admitted to liking me. i liked him as a friend; i hadn't known him long enough to really establish an "i like-like you" attitude yet. well, we drifted apart, not that there was ever anything much holding us together. anyway, he and i were messaging each other for a very short period of time when he asked me if i was seeing anybody, said no, then he asked if i liked him, and i was just like... uhhhh... no??? bc i haven't seen him since high school??? sooo tell me how i would have any valid feelings??? and more importantly, tell me how he'd have valid feelings for ME after so long??? idk, it just honestly pissed me off because it made me feel like he was after an easy piece of meat with no emotional connection. he hasn't messaged me back yet, and i, frankly, don't care if he does or doesn't. have you ever painted a car? no are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? no. the worth isn't there, imo. have you ever been into a real cave? oh, i wish!! have you ever posted mean comments on youtube? oh i can say with certainty i have as a pre-teen. i was an obnoxious lil shit when i first started actively using the internet. what was the main subject of your last telephone conversation? i was telling mom i was throwing up, so my anxiety was bad. have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? yup. what exactly did you drink the last time you were intoxicated? mike's hard, i think. do you think the next person you kiss will be a better kisser than the last person you kissed? impossible. is your all-time favorite television show still on air? i wish, but no. are looks important in a relationship? very!! very!! slightly!!!! i believe emotional chemistry is incalcuably more important, but simultaneously, having a physical attraction to your partner is something that increases your connection. i used to not believe this and you probably don't either, but ponder over it for a while. it does hold slight weight. do you believe in love at first sight? absolutely not, it's rubbish to believe you can "love" somebody just by fucking looking at them. the idea is laughable. do you ever want to get married? i do. do you shower every day? no, that's horrible for your skin. i shower every two days. have you ever experienced unrequited love? yes and tbh i'd rather die have you ever written a song or poem for someone? poems, yes. what’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? i don't actively look for it, but hmmm... i'd say decent/healthy teeth. who are five people you find attractive? 1.) link neal is actually daddy; 2.) jason/my ex; 3.) adam levine ain't bad; 4.) chris hemsworth; 5.) oh my actual god i almost forgot mark fischbach/markiplier what's your profile picture? i'mma cover for... almost everywhere. this tumblr: me; main tumblr: link neal; facebook: me; km rpg: rhett mclaughlin laughing; deviantart: my oc what's your dad's name? kenneth, but everyone just calls him "ken" do you still have feelings for an ex? very strong ones do you like the rain? ye!! what is your favorite fruit flavor? strawberry which two friends can you see together as a couple? idk, i don't really "ship" my friends what was the happiest moment in your life? dancing to "stairway to heaven" with jason on prom night, in my front yard, in the headlights of his old truck. would you be brave enough to spend an entire hour alone in a cemetery? yeah. got a phobia you want to share? whale sharks. lmao. how many places have you traveled to? name them. new york, michigan, florida, ohio, tennessee, virginia... who are the 3 greatest living musicians? oh god. errr ozzy osbourne, otep shamaya, james hetfield. what’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever been? michigan do you feel like a leader or a follower? i'm a follower, usually. if you had to live in a different state, what would it be? utah would you rather win an olympic medal, an academy award or the nobel peace prize? nobel peace prize what is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen? "the rite" scared me ONLY bc i am horrified by the idea of being raped by a demon, nevermind satan what is your favorite thing about the beach? the shells and starfish! what’s the worst thing you did as a kid? i hit my little sister multiple times would you ever donate blood? i have before, but idk if i would again. it was so stress-inducing. do you wear hats? no. have you ever seen your best friend cry? i have. have you ever been a vegetarian? nope. do you find lube pointless for regular old intercourse (not anal)? yeah, honestly. if you're technically turned on, your body pretty much takes care of it? which sex position would you find more awkward: anal or some really crazy vaginal intercourse position (check wikipedia if you can’t think of any crazy ones)? anal will always be weirder to me. do you ever wear temporary tattoos as an accessory? no. when was the last time you had a panic attack? two nights ago what’s your favorite color to wear? black. it's a flattering color. clay, crayons, markers, pastels, charcoal, or paint? pastels have you ever broken anything because you were mad? no are you ticklish? yup. why were you last hospitalized? i tried to kill myself. do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? baked. mashed is gross. do you like bread sticks? omg you have no idea what state were you born in? north carolina have you ever been to an art gallery? sure. do you have the same political views as your parents? most, yes. what are you listening to? a jim gaffigan stand-up if you could make your lips bigger, would you? IF i could just snap my fingers and it's be that way, maybe. i'd have to look in the mirror again lol are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? sure am. what’s the funniest commercial? omg the sexy mr. clean one bc i CRY do you own any form of a gameboy? we have three. i think two are broken, though. what’s your favorite store in the mall? hottopic. have you ever seen a cat with blue eyes? ... yes? would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? which one more? never bought condoms before, so i can't really say, but pads/tampons, nah man. periods are just a totally natural part of life for a woman, nothing to be embarrassed about. if you were looking for a new pair of shoes where would you go? hot topic is preferable what color is the computer/laptop you’re on? did you buy it yourself? it's black, but it has a pink zebraprint cover on it. and no, it's my older sister's technically, but now it's mom's. do you have a second home? not anymore. does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you? all of them. the worst is weed though, oh my GOD it stinks. was the last person you kissed younger or older than you? two years older. how often do you drink monster? never. it's nasty. have you ever made totally pointless videos with your friends? you forgot to mention cringey. oh, the pre-teen years. do you own a nightgown? no. have you ever worn fishnets? for dance, probably. i'm not sure. is someone in your family affected by asperger’s? no. would you rather go out to eat or be eaten out? *CHOKES ON DRINK* do you always wear your seat belt? always! are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? welp. here goes. high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, asthma, depression, bipolarity, cancer is in question, and i can guarantee i'm forgetting some... do you have asthma? no. my mother and grandmother do, though. last person to take off your pants, besides you? jason might you enjoy hanging out in the woods for day or two? so long i can bring my camera! do you have a bull ring through your nose? no. thought about it, though. do you and your dad get along? yep. can you see your purse right now? indeed. when you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy? yes. i have allergies, so i sometimes use it even when i don't have a cold. do you actually like sneezing? ... does anyone? do you wear skirts a lot? i haven't worn a skirt in years. how many pairs of jeans do you think you have? i have no jeans. just yoga pants and sweatpants... are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? hell no. do you love your computer? yes ;-; do you shop mostly with your parents, your friends, or by yourself? with mom. do you like zombie movies? no particular opinion. what’s the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom? saw an old lady puke on the floor once when i was little. scarred me for life. x-what’s the worst relationship advice you’ve ever seen? this was never told to me, but to my mother: let your husband be your head/be very submissive to everything he wants. fuck that. have you ever volunteered in a hospital? if not, would you ever want to? no no no no no no no. have you ever had to give a pet away? cats, yes. did you play pretend a lot as a child? were there any recurring plots or themes? oh definitely. and i don't think so... has a teacher ever tried to teach you something that was undeniably wrong? oh, you mean like evolution? have you ever meditated? if so, did it do anything for you? not the whole "ooohhhmmm" deal, but yeah. it only stressed me out. are any of your favorite bands broken up or on hiatus right now? ozzy osbourne- probably metallica- no otep- no marilyn manson- i don't believe so rammstein- no cradle of filth- don't know a day to remember- no what kind of wild animals do you see most frequently where you live? besides birds, squirrels. occasionally a possum at night. do you have any physical photo albums? sure do. do your parents and grandparents get along with each other? dad loves his dad, mom loves her mom, but she pisses her off and offends her a lot. do you have a favorite hoodie? the one i'm wearing now! it's dark gray with pikachu sleeping on it and it says "current mood." :3 do you have a twitter? it exists, but i never, ever use it. is anyone in your family artistic? besides me, my cousin is. what do you want to do after high school? after high school, i went to a community college very briefly. quit. took a break. went to a university. quit. are you emo/gothic/punk? eh. would you date someone 20 years older than you? definitely not.

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