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animereaderinsertwriter · 3 years

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Cupbearer (Eren/Reader)

Part III

Part I

Part II

Part IV (in progress)

Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (im watching you, if you see this, begone!), vampire!eren, hunter!reader, fem!reader, smut, some amount of predator/prey dynamics but only kinda?? there is also a significant age difference but only cos eren is immortal and all that jazz. we're all adults here. there will eventually be smut.... and do i really need to say that there's gonna be blood in a vampire fic?

Description: A story of falling in love in 4 parts.

Eren is a bad man (well, a bad Creature) who has done bad things. When he meets the great-great-great granddaughter of one of his former friends in his favorite blood bar, however, he thinks it might not matter so much what happened in the past, so long as he can make the future something worth living to see.

Ao3 link here

After that night, it became increasingly hard for (Y/N) to leave, and for Eren to let her do so.

Something between them had changed. There were moments— when Eren would press feather-light kisses against her forehead, when he would casually leave a cup of her favorite tea where she would find it— where (Y/N) felt as though her heart might burst. It was all the little things that baffled her, all the ways in which he seemed to understand exactly how she felt; it was as though he knew her more than she knew herself. On the mornings that she would wake in his bed, sleepy and sticky and wholly content, (Y/N) wondered what it would be like to have this life forever.

Other days— on days like today— she was reminded exactly why that could never be, and it broke her heart.

Today, they had planned a romantic dinner in the park, an evening under the stars. It was supposed to be something special, a little getaway just for the two of them; they had wanted to leave as soon as (Y/N) was relieved from her patrol, so Eren had moved her things to his place, hoping that they could leave together from there for their evening alone.

In and of itself, that was fine… but when (Y/N) came in, covered head-to-toe in viscous Creature blood, Eren was furious.

“And you call me a monster,” he growled, looking her up and down with hate in his eyes. “I can’t believe you.”

He stood from his seat on the sofa, and (Y/N) began to back away, still wary from the fight she had narrowly escaped from unscathed. Her every instinct told her that she should run, fire a round of silver bullets into his chest, but she steeled herself, doing neither.

“It’s not my fault— they were attacking a civilian,” she told him as he stalked towards her, his face twisted into a horrific scowl. “I tried to stop them— tried to find out what was going on— but then they came at me with their claws, and I was left with no choice.”

“There is always a choice,” he snarled, and it was then that anger filled (Y/N) from the soles of her feet to the crown of her head. "They were probably terrified of you— how could you possibly blame them for lashing out?"

(Y/N) grit her teeth.

“This, from the man who thought genocide was his only option to the same problem?”

Eren made a low, warning sound in the back of his throat, but (Y/N) pressed on.

“You would rather me have died?” she demanded, stepping into his space. “Would it have pleased you more for my body to bleed out on the pavement, ripped to shreds by an aggressive werewolf? Would you even care, or would you just find the next blood bag and move on with your life?”

“Maybe so,” he shot back, “Then I wouldn’t have to deal with your insufferable mouth.”

That stung— but if there was one thing (Y/N) knew how to do, it was to strike back twice as hard as she had been struck.

“Fine then,” she said, turning on her heel. “I won’t bother you any longer. I’ll go out and find someone who actually wants my company, someone who’ll fuck me good and proper over the counter at some hole-in-the-wall bar over on Easy Street, someone younger, with a nicer cock and less fucking baggage— ”

She didn’t get to finish the sentence, or even walk a single step further— Eren grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to him, his fist painfully tight against her scalp.

“Wanna say that again, to my face?” he asked, tilting her head back.

“I’ll go find someone else to fuck me,” she spat, struggling in vain against him. “I’ll spread my legs for the next available schmuck in the closest bar I can find, so you can hear me scream his name and not yours.”

It was a low blow, to threaten a vampire’s claim on something they had previously assumed had belonged to them, but (Y/N) didn’t care. She had almost died today, and she’d be damned if she was going to take shit from anyone about what she had to do to survive. If Eren wanted a fight, she would damn sure give him one.

“Like hell you will,” he told her, pulling her head back so that she had to strain to remain standing. “You’re mine. Flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood— you are my Companion.”

"I belong to no one!"

Those words ripped from her throat and echoed throughout the empty house, and it was then that Eren stopped, looking at her with calculation in his gaze.

"You're right," he said, releasing her hair. "No mortal can serve two masters, lest they love one and despise the other; an archaic religious concept, but an accurate one nonetheless. You've made it abundantly clear where your loyalty lies. I was a fool for thinking otherwise."

(Y/N) began to tremble. "Eren, what are you saying?"

"I release you from our pact," he replied coldly, his eyes so dull and lifeless that it sent a chill down her spine. "No longer are you bound to be my wine-press— I free you from me."

"Eren—"

"Go," he commanded, and (Y/N) felt terribly, horribly empty.

Once, he would have told her to come freely, go safely, and leave something of the happiness she brought him; now, he gave her a cold dismissal, and it frightened her more than she was willing to admit. Still, she went, feeling hollow and used, and she didn't bother to shut the door behind her as she turned to walk home, weary from the day and sick from fighting.

***

Armin had lived for a very long time, but even so, he had yet to meet anyone so foul of temper as Eren when the Hunger was on him.

"Eren, you have to feed."

The vampire, as ill in health as in temper, glared weakly at him. "I'm not hungry."

"But you are Hungry, and don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. Look, if this is about that girl—"

"I told you not to speak of her!"

Ah, so it was about her. By the looks of him, it had been two weeks since Eren had fed; Armin would bet that he hadn't seen her in the same amount of time.

"If I need to, I'll drag her here to make up with you myself," said Armin testily, "I refuse to watch my best friend starve himself because he refuses to feed on anyone else."

"You will not touch her."

Armin rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything further. He just patted Eren's arm in farewell and set about finding the little lady who was the root cause of his current consternation.

It took longer than Armin had anticipated to find the young woman who had, for all intents and purposes, completely unraveled Eren's composure; her scent, while thick and memorable in Eren's apartment, was hard to track otherwise. Armin spent two hours just wandering the city while trying to catch a breath of it here or there, and when he finally did manage to catch a whiff of her scent and follow it to her, he understood exactly why it had been so hard to track her down.

The girl was a Hunter, of all things.

When Armin found her, she was knee-deep in sewage, her knife embedded to the hilt in the skull of what appeared to be some species of winged reptile. Armin, having been a tad desperate and not actually having been expecting to find anything when he lifted the lid to the man-hole on 32nd and Main, was surprised to say the least— and when (Y/N) ripped her knife free and readjusted her stance into a defensive one directed at him, his surprise turned to intrigue.

“Er, hello there,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “I don’t suppose you’ll take my word for it that I just want to chat, will you?”

Curiously, the words gave the woman pause. She relaxed her stance ever-so-slightly, and then her eyes lit up with recognition.

“Armin Arlert?” she queried, craning her neck up to see him. “Is that you?”

This one grows curiouser and curiouser, he thought, but responded affirmatively.

“Can you give me a bit, then?” she asked, kicking the corpse of the Creature she’d just killed. “I’m not exactly fit for company. Perhaps we could meet later for a discussion over tea?”

“I’m afraid it’s urgent,” he said as she knelt to decapitate her prey— likely for proof of victory. “I think you know why I’m here, so you understand that time is of the essence.”

She didn’t look up at him as she replied.

“If this is about Eren, then I don’t have time to talk.”

Her tone was hard, bitter, and matter-of-fact, and it reminded Armin so much of Jean that it hurt… but just like Jean, Armin would bet that she could be won over by appealing to her inherent sense of human decency

“He’s suffering (Y/N),” he said, awkwardly crouching above the manhole so that she could better see the truth written in his eyes. “He won’t feed.”

“That’s hardly my problem.”

And oh, how well Armin knew that state of mind. If there was one thing Eren Jaeger knew how to do, it was push away the people who loved him most. Armin had dealt with that particularly lovely quirk of his for centuries, and it never got easier to deal with no matter how much time passed. If anything, it got more difficult the older they both got.

“When you’re the solution to a problem, you become a part of it whether you like it or not,” Armin replied, patient and understanding. “He cares for you.”

(Y/N) looked up at him then, fury in her eyes.

“He hurt me.”

Armin shrugged. “He hurts everyone he cares about. It’s just who he is. Nothing comes for free— least of all the love and loyalty of someone as old and as powerful as Eren.”

“Your heart may be toughened to his meanness,” she told him, the head of the creature she’d slain in her hands, “But mine is not, and I don’t like him well enough to willfully remain for him to use as an emotional punching bag.”

At that, Armin couldn’t help but let loose a wry grin.

“No,” he said, “I should think not; but I do think you love him well enough to make sure he doesn’t starve himself to death because he can’t have you.”

(Y/N) was silent for a long moment, then she crossed her arms.

“I won’t come crawling to him. He’s going to have to come to me.”

Armin grimaced. He wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.

“Is that at all negotiable?”

(Y/N) shook her head. “Absolutely not.”

Well, there was nothing for it.

“And you will let him feed if he comes to you?”

(Y/N) thought, then nodded. “If he proves himself deserving.”

Armin couldn't help himself; he laughed. Eren might have met his match in this one.

"Very well. I'll work my magic, and you work yours."

She nodded and bade him farewell, but before Armin left, he paused.

"Hey, (Y/N)?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

With that, he left her, ready to take Eren by the ear and throw him at her if he had to.

***

(Y/N)'s heart was racing as she opened the door, knowing good and well who would be behind it.

After her little talk with Armin— and the near heart attack he had given her in the process— she had called in to Zeke and told him she needed to go home to deal with an emergency. A replacement for her patrols had been sent, and she had come home to wash the grim from her skin, making herself as presentable as possible with the time she had. (Y/N) was worried, so worried, that the filth she had been wading in earlier would have left a lingering stench, or even that it had affected the taste of her; she had scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin was raw, hoping to erase every last remnant of her day from her skin…but as it turned out, she needn't have bothered.

Two, three, four hours later, and Eren hadn't shown— it was only now, right at the six hour mark, that he had decided to come to her.

Needless to say, (Y/N) was… less than pleased, but when she opened the door to find Eren pale and drawn, with dark circles beneath his eyes, her heart softened ever-so-slightly. It seemed that Armin was right; he had been suffering.

"You look like shit," she told him quietly, opening her door widely to let him in.

"I assure you, I feel worse," Eren grumbled, but stepped in as she closed the door behind him.

For a long, awkward moment, they just looked at each other, silent and unsure. It was unsettling how unlike himself Eren seemed; he was almost soft when he looked at her, and (Y/N) didn't know how to feel about it. Eventually, though, like two opposite ends of a magnet, they were drawn together, and Eren brushed a piece of hair back from her face.

"Hi," he said, his voice low and rough. (Y/N) caught his hand in hers before it could fall from her hair, and she pressed it against her chest, keeping it trapped there, touching the skin above her beating heart.

"Hey."

They watched each other a moment more before the dam broke between them, and they both spoke at once.

"I'm sorry."

A shared grin, a shy laugh— and then (Y/N) said what they both were thinking.

"You need to feed first, and talk later," she told him, her hand still clasped in his. "You're not off the hook, but I doubt we can have any real conversation with you like this."

Eren nodded gratefully, tugging at her wrist— his usual biting spot— but (Y/N) shook her head, indicating her neck. The thickest, richest blood, she knew, would come from there; and if there was ever a time to be generous with the placement of Eren's bite, she figured that it would be now.

The worst of it was over quickly. There was a brief sting at the intrusion of razor-sharp fangs, and then the vaguely uncomfortable feeling of having something poking down into places that decidedly should not be poked at all, but then (Y/N) quickly eased into the rhythm of the act, focusing wholly on the way Eren's lips felt against her skin. In a few moments, she would become pleasantly light-headed, and then Eren would pull away and look at her like she'd hung the stars. Oh, how she'd missed that look! (Y/N) found herself longing for it even before she quite realized it.

And then, without warning, a vision came, and (Y/N) was swept into another world entirely.

The evening sky rolled endlessly out towards the horizon; it seemed to go on forever, sparkling with more stars than (Y/N) had ever seen before. The full moon was so bright that it cast the whole world in what seemed like silver sunlight, and (Y/N) wondered how anyone could sleep on a night such as this. It was far too beautiful an experience to miss.

Alongside her— alongside Eren, through whose eyes she saw the world— strode Armin and two older-looking cadets who she recognized from previous memories as Reiner and Berthold. Eren was feeling anxious over something, and Reiner and Berthold were… well, they were kind. Reiner especially seemed to be like an older brother, and Eren admired him.

"You'll do just fine tomorrow," said Reiner, placing a large, warm hand on Eren's shoulder. "I'm certain of it."

The memory ended, and (Y/N) came back to herself as Eren's tongue laved over the wounds his fangs had left in her neck, sealing them.

"See anything?" he asked, his breath warm against her skin, and (Y/N) nodded.

"You loved them, too," she said softly, remembering the fondness Eren had felt as though it had been her own. "You loved the Hunters that tried to take everything from you, and— and I think they loved you, too."

Eren pulled away from her, and it was then that she saw the tears shining in his eyes.

"Yes," he replied, his voice broken. "We were children. How could we not love each other as God intended? Hate was never in our nature; it was an inheritance that we couldn't escape."

He paused for a moment, then spoke again.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he told her, cupping her cheek in his hand. "I lost my temper. I forget— I forget that you're not them."

And (Y/N) understood. She understood that no matter how many centuries passed, there would be wounds that just wouldn't heal for Eren. He would lash out at things that wouldn't make sense to anyone who hadn't experienced the horrors of war as he had. Suddenly, she felt petty for having lashed out as she had, and guilt threatened to rise up and choke her.

"You're forgiven," she replied, leaning into his touch. "It takes two to tango— I shouldn't have baited you like I did. I knew how badly that would hurt you, and that's exactly why I said it."

At that, Eren cracked a grin.

"I expect nothing less from a Kirschtein. Your grandfather would have punched me square in the jaw— and as big as that bastard got when we were older, he probably would have put me on my ass."

(Y/N) couldn't help but laugh, and Eren joined her, their combined joy swelling until there was nothing else in the world but their happiness.

How they started kissing, neither one of them would be able to say afterwards, but in the grand scheme of things, it hardly mattered. Their love was too large to contain, too much to hold back— and it was love, (Y/N) realized, though she hadn't quite put words to it yet. She loved Eren Jaeger, a Creature, a monster, as much as her grandfather before her had and more. She loved him with a desperation that felt like being knocked over by an ocean wave and plunged into depths where her feet no longer touched the sand. She loved him more than she had ever loved anyone before.

And, as he placed her gently on her bed that was barely big enough for two, divesting himself of his shirt above her, (Y/N) thought that maybe she didn't mind it so much as long as he loved her in return.

"I missed you," said Eren, dropping kisses by her ear as he unhooked her bra. "I missed this."

"Me too," she gasped as his mouth wandered to her nipple, her hands fisting in his hair. "Oh, God, I missed you too."

The time for words was soon gone, however; Eren's sinful, sinful mouth traveled lower and lower until he was kissing at the insides of her thighs, parting them to access what lay between, and (Y/N) threw her head back as he spread her open with his hands and sucked brazenly at her clit.

How long he spent there, worshipping her sex, (Y/N) had no idea; all she knew was that she came once from his mouth on her and a second time from his fingers inside her, and when he finally, mercifully withdrew, she was broken down to the simplest parts of herself; there was nothing left but an affection so deep that it threatened to overtake her if she didn't let it out, and she did the only thing she knew to do to release the overwhelming pressure that was building in her chest as Eren pushed his big, veiny cock into her.

She told him what she should have said a long time ago.

"Oh, Eren," she gasped as his cockhead shoved deep inside her. "I love you."

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Eren went unnaturally still. He looked at her with pupils blown wide inside emerald eyes, and his fangs slightly distended; in any other situation, (Y/N) might have laughed at how surprised he seemed, but it seemed as though she were frozen in time, unable to do anything but stare earnestly up at them, hoping he understood how much she cared for him.

"You… what?"

"I love you," she repeated, her body moving without her permission to roll her hips up into him, moving his cock even further inside her. "Please, Eren, I need—"

He cut her off with a forceful, bruising kiss, and his hips started making slow, deep thrusts inside her, her legs hiked up over his shoulders.

"Again," he said against her lips."Say it again."

"I love you."

Another thrust or two, a hand circling her wounded throat.

"Again."

"I love you, Eren."

"Again."

This time, it was only a whisper.

"I love you," she said, and Eren began fucking her in earnest.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he told her as he thrust hard and deep inside her. "You're every man's dream, a nirvana the damned such as myself were never meant to reach. (Y/N), you are everything, and I—"

He seemed to choke on the words, and (Y/N) kissed him as he tried to regain his composure.

"I don't deserve you," he said, shaking with the force of their passion. "I don't deserve your love."

It's not about deserving, she wanted to say, It never was, but then she was coming again, her climax contracting her walls around her lover, and it was all she could do to remain conscious as Eren fucked her relentlessly through it all, chasing his own high.

It was only later, after a shower and something to eat that they finally spoke again. They were back in bed, and Eren's arm was wrapped around her, as though he were afraid to let her go for even a moment; truthfully, (Y/N) thought he was asleep, but then his breath tickled her ear as he said,

"I love you, angel."

And that, (Y/N) thought, had been worth it all, in the end.

#aot x y/n #aot x reader #aot #aot fanfiction #eren x reader #vampire!eren jaeger #aot smut

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frogtanii · 3 years

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hi! noah anon here again, um ahaha, i may have been inspired to write a part 2 to my previous atsumu hurt/comfort drabble, i hope that's okay! ive been living for protective!y/n ever since they fought meiko for suga, so i wanted to sort of portray that!

from the way atsumu's breathing had evened out, you assumed he'd finally fallen asleep. exhaustion from the rough night he had taking over as he laid in your bed, wrapped up in your comforting embrace. atsumu's forehead rested in the crook of your neck and his nose pressed up against your collarbone, soft breaths tickling the sensitive skin. his arm laid across your stomach, keeping you close. for the first time since he walked into your room that night, he looked peaceful.

you on the other hand, were pissed; still stewing with rage over the events of the night. the main target of your aggression being none other than miya osamu himself. how could someone be so cold to their own twin?

the more you thought about it, the more restless you got, a pit of frustration growing and twisting uncomfortably in your gut. laying still was starting to prove a difficult task. with all of this frustrated energy you just needed to move — do something, before you went insane. so as carefully as you could, you slipped out from under atsumu, gently pushing a pillow under him for support.

shutting your door as quietly as possible you padded your way into the kitchen to grab a glass of water and an aspirin for atsumu. he'd probably need it for when he woke up, and it was the perfect excuse to get up and move around. however, as you neared the kitchen, you noticed a figure searching through the snack cabinets, grey hairs poking out into your field of vision. of course now of all times you'd run into the object of your current frustration. did you universe hate you or something?

just ignore him, you thought to yourself, no sense in getting into a conflict tonight.

as quietly as possible, you pulled a glass cup from the cabinet and filled it up with water. you had asprin in your room, so there was no need to grab any from the common area. your next objective was to exit the kitchen as quick as possible before your urge to punch osamu in the face increased any more. at this moment, his mere presence was enough to up your anger levels.

however, the second you spun on your heels to leave, osamu was also making his way out of the kitchen, causing the two of you to almost collide. luckily osamu reacted quickly, stepping back and preventing anything from being spilt.

"fucking watch it!" he spit out, expression twisting into one of contempt.

you scoffed at his outburst, ready to hit him with a few choice words, but by the time your lips parted he was already storming out of the kitchen and into the living room. a high pitched voice could be heard when he entered, sending another wave of fury coursing through your veins. "thank you 'samu, you're the best!"

"of course baby," osamu responded, "now let's start our movie."

the noise of some cheesy romance movie soon filled the living room and all surrounding areas, way too loud for this late of an hour in your opinion. it only added to your irritation, and without even thinking you were marching yourself to the living room with conviction, glass of water left behind on the kitchen island.

usually you never sought out trouble, and you weren't too fond of confrontation when it could be avoided. in the beginning of your time in the hyper house, maybe, but as time passed you soon learned nothing you said would change anything. so to save some sanity you resorted to short quips and just plain ignoring your housemates, once your contract was up none of it mattered anymore anyway. but after holding atsumu for an hour while he sobbed, and osamu's entitled attitude, something in you snapped. fuck being the bigger person.

so with your shoulders back and head held high you stormed into the living room, snatching the remote from coffee table to pause the movie playing.

that certainly grabbed their attention.

"the fuck is yer problem?" osamu vetted, standing to square up to you, fists clenched at his side and jaw tense. meiko followed suit, but took her position slightly behind osamu, nimble fingers gripping his bicep.

"my problem? hmm let's see, maybe my problem is the fact that i just held your brother as he cried himself to sleep while you were out here cuddled up on the couch!"

meiko snickered from behind him, and you had to stop yourself from lunging at her. how dare she laugh at his pain?

"'tsumu's fine, he'll get over it. now leave so we can watch our movie." your eyes went wide at osamu's response. did he really not care?

"he's your brother, and you hurt him." the annoyed expression on osamu's face fell slightly at your statement, but he quickly recovered, expression morphing into one that could kill. "don't act so innocent, you were probably in there twisting his mind with your little lies. you know everything that's happened between us has been your fault? you're the one that turned him against me!" his voice was gradually increasing him volume and malice, you obviously getting under his skin.

"oh please, you're still telling yourself that?" you inched closer to the pair, chin lifting up to meet osamu's steely glare, your attempt at intimidation working only on the small woman behind him.

"'samu, shes scaring me, please make her leave," meiko whimpered. Osamu placed a protective arm around her, pulling her into his side, "don't worry baby, i won't let her near you." you rolled your eyes at meiko, her feigned fear sending your patience over the edge.

"oh shut up, meiko," you snapped, causing her to coward further into osamu. "hey, don't talk to her like that!" he shot back at you, eyes darkening as he towered over your form, but you refused to back down.

"i'm texting iwaizumi, he can make her leave." meiko began typing furiously on her phone.

you chose to ignore her, prioritizing getting in your final words before iwaizumi could come to their resuce. "you've got your head completely up your ass if you think anyone but yourself is to blame for your broken relationship with 'tsumu!"

"you have no right to—"

"what the hell is going on here?" iwaizumi stormed into the room, large arms crossed over his chest as he placed himself between you and your victims.

"iwa, thank god! me and 'samu were trying to watch a movie when y/n just came in here and started attacking us! it was so scary, please make her leave!"

you scoffed at meiko's fabricated story, but before you could even begin to defend yourself iwa spoke, "y/n, go back to your room before im forced to take action." despite his dagger sharp gaze, you refused to shrink. you were going to get your point in regardless of any threats iwaizumi threw your way. so shooting him a quick and dismissive glare, you turned your attention back to osamu and meiko to get in one final blow.

"look, i don't know what your problem with me is, and frankly i don't care. but leave atsumu the fuck out your sick little games." the venom in your voice was enough to strike real fear into meiko, who was now completely hiding behind osamu for protection. even osamu's intimidating demeanor faltered at your protectiveness over his brother.

iwaizumi was the first to break the tension, "y/n, go—"

"yeah yeah, i got it, im leaving." your cut him short, giving osamu one last glare before exiting the living room, stopping to grab the glass of water from the kitchen before heading back to your room.

in your frustration you'd completely forgotten atsumu was asleep, accidentally shutting your door back with a little too much force. "angel?" atsumu's sleep drenched voice pulled you from your stewing thoughts, and you felt any and all anger melt away when you locked eyes with him.

"where'd you go off to?" he asked, rubbing at his eyes and sitting up. you snatched a bottle of asprin from your night stand and extended it to him along with the glass of water, "figured you'd want this when you woke up."

the corner of his mouth lifted up into a lopsided smile as he accepted your offer, downing a pill and half the water in one go, "yer too good to me, angel."

you offered up a soft smile as you took the glass and pill bottle back from him and set them on your nightstand. you took a seat on your bed next to atsumu, pushing back his disheveled hair back with one hand, prompting him to let out a content hum.

"i'm sorry for waking you," you whispered, letting your hand trail down the side of his face before coming to rest against his jaw, "how are you feeling?"

atsumu leaned into your touch, "much better, thanks to you. but, can we lay down again?"

you nodded, falling back to a laying position with atsumu following suit. however, this time he pulled you into his chest, holding you in his arms. you sunk further into him, finding it much easier to sleep this time as his warmth surrounded you and calmed your nerves.

i got a little carried away and this ended up a little longer than i intended, oops, oh well! i hope you like it!

— noah anon

hhhh,,, BESTIE OMFG UR SO SO SO TALENTED WTF???? do u have a blog cs if so sharty drop the @ ahaha (jk only if u feel comfy!!) i just mean WOW WOW WOW WOWIE

#j’s asks #anons babey #℗ poker face #noah anon

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100layersofdaddyissues · 3 years

Text

Angel - Chapter 5

AGHHHH I KNOW IM SORRY it was an involuntary hiatus brought on by the horrible holiday we call christmas, but its here, ive had this idea since the beginning so i hope you like it!

rach im sorry this ones for you my queen of angst i hope i did you proud

In retrospect maybe taking personal leave directly after your fight with Maxwell probably didn't fit in with the image you wanted to portray to him, you’d hoped it looked as though you truly didn't care about what he said to you. But you did. You wish you didn't, honest, you'd been burnt by men before, you shouldn't have been surprised that once you caught feelings you would be in trouble. But you thought “if he truly doesn't care about me then it won't matter to him that I’m not there, he won't even notice.” you'd still been working from home, you've been keeping up all your professional correspondence, he won't notice, so why should you care about him either.

Little did you know however, that the morning after his outburst, Maxwell had returned to the apartment you had presided in, expecting you to be there. But you weren’t. He wanted to apologise, to grovel and fall to his knees and beg you to forgive him. To tell you that he was an idiot and he never meant to hurt you and that he, well, he had very strong feelings for you that were really, really beginning to scare him.

That night had been the first time he'd ever lost sleep over something in years.

Ever since he had lost his fiancée, Alice, Max made sure to never become attached to anyone, knowing how much pain it will cause him when they inevitably leave. Everyone left, whether it be willingly or not. His grandparents left, his parents, the woman he would have died for, and now you. He wasn't sure where you fit in there, his grandparents taught him to find happiness in everything, his parents taught him how to live, how to run the business he loved so much, and Alice taught him to love. And you. You taught him how to love again, you taught him compassion and kindness that he'd long lost. Before you he had promised himself that he would never feel pain again. But here he was, dealing with the consequences of breaking that sacred rule, and he hated it.

Max had hoped that he'd perhaps be able to speak to you at work, get you alone in your office, sadistically, somewhere you couldn't escape him, but alas, when he arrived early in the morning, two coffees in hand, Sookie had been there to greet him, letting him know that you were taking leave and working from home. He didn't press the issue, in fact he didn't say anything, just mumbled a quiet “you have this then” while passing her the second coffee.

Maybe he could call you to apologise, but it seemed pathetic to him to even consider apologising over the phone, after what he had said to you, you truly deserved the most heartfelt apology he could muster. But as the days went on and turned into weeks with you not at the apartment or at work, he slowly gave up. Max’s head started to fill with thoughts that maybe you were preparing to leave the company, to leave him. He had convinced himself that if you stayed with the company then you were staying with him.

He didn’t know why he had assumed that it would be easy, you’d proven to be anything but, he’d hoped he could just apologise, and then fuck you enough to prove it. But no. it wasn't going to be that easy.

Maxwell didn't want to admit it. But he missed you.

For the first week he stayed at the apartment every night, away from his home, just hoping that you would return for something. All of the clothes he'd paid for were still there, the kitchen was still stocked, you'd even left cigarettes in a pack on the balcony. It hurt to see how quickly you'd left him; you were obviously rushing to get away from him. He really fucked up. And he had no idea how to fix it.

He really fucking missed you. How soft your lips were, your cheeks reminded him of soft marshmallows for some reason. He missed the way the sun used to hit your face in the mornings as he was getting ready to leave the apartment, you always looked so beautiful, the golden light bathing you in a constant glow, he always felt content in those moments. Like nothing could ever go wrong or be bad, he simply let himself live in that moment, pretending that he could stay like that forever. And for some reason, he had convinced himself that h couldn’t stay. Every morning like that, where he left, the pain inside of him grew deeper and more unbearable.

And now all of that was gone, and it was his fault.

You missed him too. You hadn't left your apartment in almost three weeks, and you had intended for it to stay that way until Jade had shown up at your apartment this morning.

“Listen, I'm sorry that Mr. Handsome was a cunt, but I did warn you, you can't wallow here for the rest of your life. You've kept the job, and your apartment is dirt cheap, so I know you're loaded, you know what that means? We're going day drinking.”

“I don't want to go day drinking. I want to sit in my cocoon and rewatch the Brady Bunch, I'm not hurting anyone.” you said trying to release from her grasp. You had no intentions of being seen in public.

“Well too fucking bad, George is going to be here soon and he’s bringing me a friend, so you can’t fuck this up because I’ve been trying to get Robert to ask me out for weeks. We're going.” she said, beginning to pull out your makeup and go through it.

You walked towards her to ask what she was looking for until you clocked what she had said. “Wait did you just say George? As in George, my ex-coworker? Why is he coming over?” you asked your tone growing in urgency as your questions progressed.

“Well, when I was talking to him, he asked where you been, so I explained that you'd been working for Maxwell lord and that you’d not left your room in weeks after a big fight with your boss I’m not an id- OW! why are you throwing things at me?”

“Because! When George saw me on the street that night, I told him that it had been a fight with my boyfriend! Now he's going to think Maxwell was my boyfriend! I'm in so much trouble if he tells anyone that!” You refused to panic. At least that's what you were telling yourself as you got more and more breathless, you're truly trying not to panic but god is it hard to convince your brain not to have an anxiety attack.

“Listen Y/N if he thinks Max is your boyfriend so what, he isn't anymore, so what's the deal?” how Jade could be so nonchalant about this began to frustrate you, this could ruin you. Didn't she realise that? “Get up and shower I’m sure they are almost here.” apparently not.

And surely enough, just after you had gotten dressed there was a loud knock at the door, Jade went to answer it, hoping to distract the boys while you threw your hair together.

You overheard their idle chatter, something about the work at halo being boring and Henry being a dick. Nothing you didn't already know.

As you emerged you saw the two boys sitting on your couch and Jade standing in the kitchen. You'd never realised how small this apartment was until you were sitting here with others and everything felt so cramped. You missed your place with Max. you shouldn't say that. It wasn't your house with him. It was his place. You were staying there.

“Hey guys! Sorry I was just fixing up my hair, should we head?” you try to sound as cheery as you could. You were not ready for this day.

George slipped past you, saying something about “I just need the loo, I can lock up and meet you downstairs.” yeah, like you were going to let him do that, deciding to shoot jade and Robert downstairs, telling them you'd wait for George to get out and then come downstairs with him.

He was taking an unusually long time in the bathroom, and all you could think was “dear god please tell me he's not pooping in there,” as you went to knock on the door to check if he was okay, you heard a loud bang, felt unbearable heat, and then, saw only black.

Maxwell had been staring out his window all day, he wasn't sure why, but he had been compelled to stare at the skyline, take in how beautiful the city really was. Returning from his office he sat down to do the exact thing he had been doing all morning, until he noticed a pillar of smoke coming from the south side of the city. A bolt of fear ran through him as he remembered picking Y/N up from her apartment in the south downtown area of DC.

Immediately he called his assistant for the week and told her to access employee records for Y/N’s address, then he called the Fire Chief for the DC area, asking for the address of the most current fire that he can see burning from his window. And his worst fear was realised. They're the same address, it's Y/N’s apartment that's up in flames, and he's sitting in his high rise just watching it happen.

Maxwell stormed out of his office yelling at the girl to have Darius in the car waiting for him at the front doors by the time he gets down to them or she's fired. Logically he knew that she had no control over that, but he was in a rush and he didn't care to care about her. He didn't even know her name. Something with a B maybe? This is not what he should be thinking about right now.

He should be thinking about how the second chance he had at love was in danger and he had no idea what to do except go to her. That's if she even still lived there, what if she moved and she was absolutely fine, and here he was running around like a headless chicken hoping that she was okay when she could be fine; “yeah,” he thought, “she’s fine, I’m just going to go check up on the building just in case she's there and if she isn't then I will just go back to the office.” yeah because it was going to be that simple. Everything leading up to this point sure has been.

“Master Lord, I have to ask why we were driving to the downtown area in the middle of the workday?” Darius asked him with a careless tone as if he was expecting Maxwell to say that he just wanted a coffee.

“I have reason to believe Y/N is in trouble and I would like to ensure that she's not, now is that okay with you?” Maxwell knew he was being an ass, but he also knew that Darius cared for her too and that was accentuated in the way he stepped on the gas not saying a word, as if speed limits were not a problem.

They were outside the apartment building in less than ten minutes, Maxwell racing out of the car before it was even parked. He stood in front of the building gulfed in flames staring at it feeling a sense of hopelessness.

“Oh no you fucking don’t, Mister.” he heard someone say but barely paid any attention until a young woman got up in his face. “I’m talking to you Richie Rich what the fuck do you think you’re doing here? You yell at her, make her miserable, don't speak to her for weeks and then suddenly when she's in trouble you're here? To what? save the day? Sorry to break it to you dude but money is an accelerant so it’s probably best that you fuck off.” she shouted at him. He had no idea who this woman was but from what he had heard she obviously knew Y/N.

“Wait she's in trouble? She's in there?” he didn't even think to ask who she was all he wanted to know was if she was okay.

“Yes, she's in there, fires have been burning long enough for you to get down here do you see her on a stretcher? No, she's still in there, my best friend is in there and if she doesn't come out of there alive, I'm going to blame you. if it weren't for you going all macho alpha bullshit man then she wouldn’t have felt the need to leave that apartment up town, she wouldn't have moved back into this shit hole, and she would have been at work today instead of watching brady bunch reruns for the last 12 days straight. So, for your sake you better hope she comes out of there alive or I’m going to kill you for killing her.” Max had barely had the time to process the thought before he was tearing up, light sniffles coming from his nose as he tried to hold them back.

“Right, you're ahh… you're completely right, this is my fault, and believe me, I wish nothing more than to be able to take that night back, to make sure it never happened, because all I want right now is to hold her, and, and tell her, tell her that I love her. Because I do. I really do, and if I never get the chance to tell her that then I promise you can blame me forever and make my life a living hell but right now, all I want to do is focus on getting her out of there alive so excuse me for just one second please.” Maxwell walked away from her after saying his piece walking directly to the man who looked to be in charge of the fight.

“Excuse me, hi, I’m going to need you to go immediately to 21b and save the woman in there, she is of utmost importance do you hear me?”

“Sir, I'm sorry but we're going apartment by apartment trying to get everyone out. We can't just take priority for some girl,” the man said to him, slightly condescending as if he hadn't just asked the man to save the love of his life.

‘Here, you take this,'' Maxwell said while fishing out his wallet and handing the man his ID card, “and I’m going to call Chief Wallace, shall I? Or are we going to stop wasting time and you’re going to go get my girl out of that fucking building son?” Max’s tone was commanding, he would get what he wanted, and he knew that much.

“Yes sir, I’ll go retrieve her myself right away.” the man said while running towards his truck, Maxwell presumed for him to suit up.

As he walked back towards the group that Darius had now joined, the woman, whose name he still couldn't remember or hadn't been told, had a relieved and vaguely smug look on her face. “You know she's going to kill you when she finds out you manipulated the fire department into saving her first right?” she said watching Y/N’s window for any sign of movement.

“I know, but it's worth the price to have her here to threaten to kill me.” he said staring at the same window.

“Sorry, I know that was really rude of me, I’m Jade, I'm not sure if Y/N has mentioned me, this is Robert and George, two of our friends, guys this is Max, Y/N’s... Friend?”

“Yeah, I think it's best we go with a friend for now. I'd like to live long enough to be able to change that.” Maxwell slightly chuckled. He felt lighter, she wasn't safe but the hope he felt made him feel better.

Until he saw he being carried out, on the right side of her body her skin was burnt, he clothes blackened and singed, she looked lifeless, Maxwell heard nothing but silence and the ringing in his ears as he ran to take her from the man, Maxwell took her from his arms, and fell to the floor, he watched her, waiting for movement, and like the glimmer of hope he had held on to paid off, her chest moved slowly and minutely, but it moved, she was breathing.

Maxwell let go then, as he held her to him and sobbed into her, pushing the hair out of her face, being careful not to touch her skin while the paramedics brought over a stretcher, he didn't want to let her go, he just got her back he couldn't let her go.

He couldn't hear anyone, but he felt a hand on his shoulder and Jade's sympathetic eyes filled with her own tears staring down at her. That compelled him to stand up and lay her on the stretcher. The paramedics asked if he wanted to ride to hospital with her, but he looked at Jade and gestured for her to go. He knew that if she woke up on the way, the first face she saw after almost dying shouldn't be the man that put her in that situation.

He followed the ambulance into the city, finding jade within minutes, they sat in the waiting room for 8 hours, just hoping for some good news, they talked about how Max and Y/N met and how he knew he was in love and everything he can't wait to do with her if she gives him the chance. The conversation lulled around hour 5 with Jade opting to nap in the highly uncomfortable hospital chairs, urging Maxwell to follow in her suit but he couldn't sleep until he knew how she was. He needed answers the moment they were available to him.

By the time it was almost hour 9 a doctor came to them.

“She's going to be just fine, the burns aren't too severe, however she did inhale a lot of smoke shop she's going to be rusty on the talking for a few days and her respiratory system is going to take a while to recover, so it's up to you to make sure she doesn't overexert herself okay? Other than that, she’s out of surgery, so you can go see her, but just make sure it's only 1-2 people at a time. This is a very traumatic time for her and it's only going to get worse before it gets better but I’m sure with a husband like you it won't be so hard for her to recover.” the doctor finished with a small smile and then walked back down the hall to attend to other patients he assumed.

Husband. She thought he was Y/N’s husband. And honestly, he didn't want to correct her on it. He liked the idea of being her husband. Even if it wasn't real.

“Hey Jade, come on wake up, we can go see her now.” Jade sat bolt upright when she heard those words. Asking for her room number and bolting towards the door, with Maxwell following behind slowly. He reached her door and saw her sleeping, so peacefully, the LED lights of the hospital only served to make her look more pale and sickly than she already was, but she still looked beautiful to him. Absolutely perfect.

Just before he could join Jade in the room his cell began to ring. “Maxwell Lord.” he answered, not expecting any calls on this thing, it’s 1984 who has this phone number?

“Mr. Lord I’m sorry to interrupt you, I know you're extremely busy with your wife, but I just had a matter to discuss with you about the fire in her building.” The man on the other end, Chief Wallace, sounded nervous, almost trembling, “I'm not entirely sure how to explain this, but preliminary investigation we conducted into the cause of the fire has indicated that the fire was started in Ms. Y/L/N’s apartment.”

“I'm afraid we're going to need to question her when she becomes lucid enough for a police interview.”

tags: @innerstrawberrypolice @maxlordsgf @mrschiltoncat @historianwithaheart

#Pedro Pascal #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal angst #maxwell lord #maxwell lord smut #maxwell lord x reader #maxwell lord fluff #maxwell lord angst

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dontasktheradiodemon · 3 years

Text

I Love You (3/14/2021)

Buddy I don’t even need to summarize this thread, I can just tag it with tropes like it’s a fic, here watch me go: #angst #hurt/comfort #anguished declarations of love #tw depression #tw suicidal ideation

Immediate sequel to this thread but reading it is optional. Basically, it’s nearly impossible to spend very long in Hell without developing a guilt complex and fantasizing about whether it’d be better to stop being; Alastor and Telly @usedhearts open up to each other about theirs.

Frankly it’s a startling display of mutual emotional vulnerability and I’m proud of them both.

Sir Pentious

whenever he came back from that, what did he do

cause it said he went right to telly so 👀

Alastor

Initially? Probably just tracked him down in whatever he was currently doing and went “can I hold you”

Sorta, holding it together by a thread barely

Sir Pentious

telly probably noticed but just 'yes' and let him Hold Him no matter how grimy he was at the time

Alastor

And he’ll be content with that for about three minutes before that one thread starts fraying and he goes “... can you hold me”

Sir Pentious

thats all it takes for him to coil around alastor and hold him Tight

Alastor

Curls up tight in him and sobs on his shoulder.

Sir Pentious

telly just holds him TIGHTER

makes little comforting/soothing sounds

he doesnt know why he's upset but he will be there for him

Alastor

They’re just both gonna be grimy and that’s Fine.

Sir Pentious

so very grimy

they can take baths later

Alastor

When he’s finally capable of attempting coherent speech again the first thing he’s gonna get out is “I never, ever, ever want to leave you.”

Sir Pentious

telly just takes his face in one hand and cradles it so gently and just 'ok, alright, you don't have to.'

give him a kiss

forehead kiss bc he's probably snotty

Alastor

He’s definitely snotty. He’s full on ugly sobbing.

Sir Pentious

oh hes probably not smiling huh

i think thats probably the first time telly sees that

Alastor

NOPE, he lost that sometime while he was hiding in Telly’s shoulder.

First time Telly’s seen him with the mask off

Sir Pentious

god thats got him WORRIED and he just HUGS HIM AGAIN NICE AND TIGHT AND COILED

telly: ive got you. ive got you, im here, it's alright...

Alastor

He’s just gonna keep clinging as hard as he can, he got out One sentence and now he’s sobbing too hard to talk again.

It’s a lot of radio static and feedback noise

Sir Pentious

telly is just going to KEEP HOLDING HIM god himself couldnt pry this snake off this deer and would get bitten and injected with venom for trying

Alastor

He’ll gradually stop sobbing and the shaking will decrease to shivering

Sir Pentious

telly's just going to hold him through it all, pet his hair, massage at the base of his ears, everything he can do to soothe him

Alastor

Mumbles his gratitude and an apology for interrupting telly’s work

Sir Pentious

telly: no no don't apologize. i love you and i want to be here for you. my work will still be there. id much rather know that you're alright and have it be interrupted than you be upset or hurting and you not come to me for fear of interrupting me.

Alastor

Mumble mumble he could have handled it himself

Sir Pentious

telly: i don't _want_ you to have to handle it yourself. i'm here for you, alastor. i want you to know that you can come to me whenever you need me and i'll be here.

Alastor

Tries to say three different things but chokes on them all and just wheezes out another thanks.

Sir Pentious

he just gets a squeeze and a kiss to the nearest him surface

Alastor

He keeps holding on until he can get a small, tired smile fixed back on his face, and then he pulls back to say “Thanks” again.

Sir Pentious

he gets another forehead kiss and then telly gonna lead him to the bathroom and they are taking a BATH they are now both covered in grim AND snot

Alastor

You know, that’s fair. Bath time. Strips down to boxers, climbs in with Telly, and Clings again. ... and sorry about Telly’s clothes, he’ll clean them before the snot fossilizes

Sir Pentious

Those were his dirty work clothes, it's fine, the Eggs will wash them. But it is BATHTIME, and they are both getting a scrubbing. Moreso Telly than Alastor tho.

Alastor

... can Alastor get a scrubbing too

Sir Pentious

Absolutely!

A softer scrubbing than Telly gets

Alastor

He’s going all jelly-eyed again. It’s ok he’s fine.

Sir Pentious

He gets a nice wash cloth and a nice gently scented soap, and a boyfriend to hum to him as he kinda reverently cleans him.

Alastor

He gets self-conscious SO fast, he’s gonna hold his breath and slide under the water. It’s fine he’s fine

Sir Pentious

Telly just smiles and giggles bc that's cute, you're cute Alastor. Probably wraps his tail tip around Alastor's ankle to gently and playfully tug him thru the water.

Alastor

!!! Grabs Telly’s wrists to pull him down into the water.

Sir Pentious

Now they're both underwater!! Gonna tussle with a sea serpent in his natural element, huh, Alastor!! Play time, silly mode ACTIVATED

Alastor

GOOD he’s ready to wrestle. He’s trying not to laugh, he doesn’t want to inhale water.

Sir Pentious

Time to PLAY and WRASSLE!!

Tumbling and splashing and a big grinning snake!!

Alastor

Alastor’s got a surefire way to win this wrestling match! He’s gonna GRAPPLE THE SNAKE COMPLETELY. ... basically he’s just hugging him. Hi.

Sir Pentious

Grapple the snake and the snake grapples back. Now you're wrapped in a tail Alastor, and getting a mermaid kiss.

Alastor

Oh no, what shall he do. This definitely wasn’t his plan. Totally wasn’t. Not at all. Nope.

Sir Pentious

Kiss kiss fall in love, and he's rising up out of the water, because he wants that mouth OPEN for TONGUE.

Alastor

When they get out of the water, Alastor breaks the kiss—sorry, not going for tongue this time

Sir Pentious

Telly blinks and just brief pouting, but holds him close all the same. Kisses cheek instead.

Alastor

“Sorry. Just... tired.” Considering he sobbed about half the liquid out of his body earlier,

Sir Pentious

Wipes the wet hair off his forehead and then kisses it. "That's fine. Come on then, lets get out and dry off. Would you like a snack before bed?"

Alastor

“I need a drink. Not a drink-drink, just a drink. Fluids.”

Sir Pentious

"Of course. I'll get you some water, once we dry off."

Alastor

A nod. He’s still in a quiet mood.

Sir Pentious

Telly gonna carry him out of the bath and set him on a rug. Get towel and start drying him

Alastor gets dried first because Telly Must Care For Him.

Alastor

He puts up a token struggle against this but okay as long as he goes next.

Sir Pentious

He will. Alastor gets handed a Towel and offered his pick of head or tail.

Alastor

Head this time.

Sir Pentious

He Offers Himself on Alastor's drying alter.

Alastor

Alastor Shall Dry This Offering. And while he does he says hesitatingly, “You don’t have to ask if you don’t want to. But you can if you want.” Because it’s been weighing heavily on him as Really Fucking Weird that he just unloaded a hurricane on Telly’s nice jacket and at no point did Telly ask what that was all about

Sir Pentious

He considers it and shrugs a little. "That depends: Do you want to tell me, or would you rather not tonight?"

Alastor

He has to think about it a moment. “I think you should know.”

Sir Pentious

"Alright. Then tell me."

Alastor

Thinks about it; but then just keeps drying.

Sir Pentious

Telly just looks up at him and blinks. "Well?"

Alastor

Stops drying again. “You’re sure?” Listen, this is hard to share,

Sir Pentious

"Yes. If it had you that upset and you say that I _should_ know, then I would like to know."

Alastor

He shouldn’t have said that. He wraps the towel around Telly, hugs him, and sighs. Okay.

Sir Pentious

He's just going to lay there on the rug with Alastor, and the towel wrapped around him. And state with his big ole eyes.

Alastor

No... Not the big ole eyes... That makes this harder. He’s gotta look away. “I... don’t want to be... here.” YEAH ALASTOR GREAT START, SUPER CLEAR, RADIO HOST OF THE YEAR

Sir Pentious

A very confused furrowed brow. "Meaning what?"

Alastor

“In Hell. In—existence.” He swallows hard. “Hell wears you down. It—rubs your soul raw. It sandpapers you off a bit at a time. And I’m—I’m tired.”

Sir Pentious

A soft, concerned look and a hand cupping his face. "Oh, love...I can understand that feeling. I'm...I'm tired too. It is very tiring. Before I met Hel, I'd been close to giving up entirely. And then before I met you, I'd been ready to check myself into that hotel, just to see if it was possible. Something to change the tedium...."

Alastor

“I spend so much of my time going on walks. I don’t have anything else to do but go on walks.” He covers Telly’s hand with his own so he can press into it and shuts his eyes. “Almost every year, I wonder whether this is going to be the year that I decide to go for a walk when the angels come.”

Sir Pentious

And his heart clenches so tightly in his chest. "Don't." The word is soft and unbidden, desperate.

"There have been many a year where I've felt the same...where I thought it would be better to just end it. But I didn't. Mostly out of spite, but that can only get you so far. I like having love to live for better. Or exist for. Neither of us are living." A dry, bitter, short chuckle.

Alastor

His heart skips a beat at the word, so pronounced he flinches at the odd th-thump. Still not used to those. “I won’t. *I never want to leave you.*” He pulls Telly close. “And you’ll stay here?”

Sir Pentious

"I will." It's a promise, a swear, and he can't help but sit up to kiss him, at least once. "Don't leave me and I'll stay here, too."

Alastor

Alastor returns the kiss; it’s not a formal pact with magic and all, but it feels like one. “Then we’ll both stay.” He presses his forehead to Telly’s, eyes still shut. “It’s... heavy, though.”

Sir Pentious

"I know. Damn it, do I _know_. Humans like us, we weren't meant to be eternal. It _fucks_ with us, especially knowing that we've already died. But you have me now. And I have you. And if we share our loads, it won't seem as heavy." He may be crying, just a bit, and luckily only from the face eyes.

Alastor

“Knowing we’ve died—and knowing we aren’t *worth* eternity. I know I’m not. I know Hell is a punishment, but—sometimes it feels so *generous.*”

But he nods, slightly, with their heads still together. “But—I have you and you have me. And good God, am I glad I do.”

Sir Pentious

"I understand. I know exactly what you mean." Sighs and wraps his arms around him.

"I'm glad to have you too. I...I love you." A small kiss.

Alastor

"I love you, too." And it hurts like hellfire to say. It's the thing keeping him chained here, and it's also such a part of the reason why Hell hurts at all.

He presses his face to Telly's shoulder; this time, at least, his crying is quiet.

Sir Pentious

His breath catches and the tears come again, more freely. He can feel the eyes on his tail beginning to leak as well, can't control it in the moment. Telly's arms wrap more tightly around Alastor, and one of his hands moves up to stroke and card through his hair. He squeezes his eyes (on his face) shut again, he shakes with quiet sobs, holding Alastor to him as if everything depended on keeping him close.

Alastor

He holds Telly just as tightly, an arm around his back and an arm around his shoulders. Guilt twists in him at being the one to make Telly cry; but Alastor’s not crying hard, this time around he can support Telly through his sobbing.

Sir Pentious

They're not hard sobs, instead soft little things, hiccups more like, and along with them comes a soft chorus of "Love you, love you, love you." The amount of emotions that are roiling around inside of him, who knows if the crying is sadness, happiness, or something else. But there is an overabundance and he is letting it out.

Alastor

And Alastor will keep supporting him until it’s all out, the same way Telly did earlier. He briefly lowers one hand to Telly’s tail and gently tugs, encouraging him to coil around Alastor if he wants. He can deal with a dozen eyes crying on him.

Sir Pentious

The tail barely needs any encouragement, it is up and coiling in an instant, squeezing Alastor's lower half. Not hard enough to hurt, but definitely very tight. Telly doesn't take too long to calm, the tears stopping and his breathing evening out. Then he's just breathing deeply against Alastor, still holding him tight, but with less desperation.

Alastor

Alastor rubs Telly’s back as the tears slowly stop coming. Once Telly’s breathing has steadied, Alastor murmurs, “How do you feel?”

Sir Pentious

"I'm not sure. I'm happy, but tired, and sad that you felt so tired, too."

Alastor

“I don’t want you to be sad on my behalf.” He sighs quietly. “But if there’s happiness in there too...”

Sir Pentious

"I can't help it, I love you, and knowing that you hurt, it hurts me too. But that's not to say 'don't tell me when you're hurting' because I _want_ to know. So that I can help if I can. Or just hold you, if that's what you need. But I'm happy because you love me, and you're here with me, and we can help each other. And that is what's most important, more than anything." A soft sigh in return, and a gentle kiss to his shoulder.

Alastor

“That’s the worst part of this whole thing, isn’t it? We’ve got to carry each other’s pain on top of our own—and then we feel guilty for paining each other.” Alastor laughs ruefully. “But I’m here for you. For whatever damage control we can do.” He returns the kiss.

Sir Pentious

"It's quite something: you want your love to not hurt, but then your hurt hurts them, and they don't want you to hurt, but their hurt hurts you, and it's just another fucking ouroboros." He laughs, a bit of a hysterical tinge to it. "But I'll endure it. For you."

Alastor

“I’ve always thought there was something beautiful in the image of devouring oneself alive.” There wasn’t anything beautiful in *this,* but maybe he could find it. “I will, too. As long as I give you more happiness than unhappiness.”

Sir Pentious

Telly pulls back just a tad, enough to see Alastor's face. He cups it and kisses him, pressing their foreheads together again. "You already have."

Alastor

“Make sure I keep it up.” He cupped Telly’s face as well, running his thumbs over his cheeks. “We’ve only just gotten started, and there’s a long eternity ahead of us.”

Sir Pentious

"I will. I hold you to that." A bit of a smirk, and he's uncoiling, and grabbing the towel again. "I'm mostly dry but still a little damp. Let's finish up and get some water, _I'm_ thirsty now too."

Alastor

Huff. “*Right.* Of course.” He retrieves the towel he’d wrapped around Telly’s shoulders and helps, taking special care with the tear streaks around his many eyes. “We can try out another one of your herbal teas, see if this’ll be the one I like. I can whip up something or other to go with it.”

Sir Pentious

Telly smiles and finishes drying, before taking Alastor's hand. He kisses it and then wraps it around his arm to start slithering towards the kitchen. "Anything in particular you want to try tonight? Or should I just try and pick something that I think you'll perhaps like?"

Alastor

“Whatever you want. It still all tastes like fruity tea to me.” He laughs self-consciously. “I’ll get there.”

Sir Pentious

"Maybe something with some citrus? For a zest? I have a few mixes like that." They are now in the kitchen and Telly's going to get the kettle on and then dig around for the teas.

Alastor

“Sure, I could use some zest.” He starts rummaging around to see what he can make that goes with something citrusy. He’s got this place pretty well outfitted by now, if he says so himself.

Sir Pentious

"Alright, I have a green tea with orange, clove, and ginger. It's very tasty, has a good bite." He hummed as he got out the clear pot that he'd used before, and two cups.

Alastor

Green tea, what goes with green tea? He’s got no idea what goes with green tea. He can slap together some tea sandwiches that go with orange, clove, and ginger, though. “How does chicken sound?” And perhaps a more important question: “When did you last eat?”

Sir Pentious

Cue him pausing as his brain starts to work, trying to remember. "Ahhh...this morning? Breakfast, yes, I think that was when." Oh look how concentrated he is on pouring the water into the pot he is now.

Alastor

Maybe something a bit more substantial than a rinkydink tea sandwich, then. “Would you say that tea’s more clove-y or ginger-y?

Sir Pentious

He lifts the dried tea to his mouth to blelele and hums. "More clove-y."

Alastor

“Then let’s make that beef instead of chicken. Compliments it better without having to toss in a dozen other spices—and we don’t want to overpower the tea, do we...” He presumes they don’t want to, anyway. He checks the fridge to see what they’ve got on hand. Watch out, he’s switching into Cooking Mode.

Sir Pentious

Telly loves when he switches into cooking mode. He's just going to move the cups and the pot to the table and then settle in to watch.

Alastor

Okay, keep it simple—he grabbed some roast beef, onions, watercress, mayo, and some odds and ends to mix into the mayo that will *hopefully* compliment the tea, passing each ingredient one by one to his shadow to find a place for on the counter. Alastor swoops by Telly to give him a quick squeezing hug on his way to start prepping sandwiches—maybe a slightly longer hug. Maybe he’ll linger here a moment.

Sir Pentious

Oh! A hug, yes, a hug is good. Get that snake purring like an engine. He's very tempted to coil but he won't, he's getting hungry just watching.

Alastor

Okay, no, no getting emotional. Twice in one day is enough. He’s got fancy mayo to prepare. He lets go and hurries to the counter. “So. What’s... What were you working on earlier?” Don’t mind if his voice is a little rough, it’s fine.

Sir Pentious

"Oh, just more repairs. Installing new parts and making some delicate calibrations that the Eggs can't handle." He's watching Alastor and not even paying attention to the tea, that's gonna seep for a good while.

Alastor

“I ought to take an evening or two to help out with repairs.” He’s talking as much to himself as to Telly. “I keep coming over and *watching,* there’s no reason I can’t pick up a wrench or screwdriver and pitch in.”

Sir Pentious

"I'd love for you to help, I can get instruct you what to do just fine, I know how capable you are." A smile, and then he's re-noticing the tea and pouring a cup. Adds a little honey for sweetness and takes a satisfied sip.

Alastor

He passes over the first sandwich. “If it goes horribly with the tea: I’m sorry, forgive me, I did my best, it’s not my fault.”

Sir Pentious

Telly laughs. "I'm sure it will be fine, Alastor." He takes the sandwich and bites, and then takes a sip of tea, and then makes a very surprised and delighted noise. "Oh, that tastes wonderful."

Alastor

“Good!” He finishes his own, takes a bite—good—and pours some tea for himself to try—well, it still tastes like tea, but like, at least a tea that pairs well with the sandwich. “The good news is I think I’m starting to differentiate the taste of green tea from other teas.”

Sir Pentious

A smile. "Good! I'm glad. Maybe you're acquiring the taste for tea, at least a bit." A wink, and then he's back to eating. He finishes it far, far too fast-- Telly really does just inhale his food when propriety isn't a factor-- and then he's just sipping his tea. His tail slides over to curl around Alastor's calf.

Alastor

Alastor's taken two bites. He pauses before the third. "... Do you want another sandwich?"

Sir Pentious

Oh, shy snake look, and then a little nod. "Yes, please." And his tail retracts to let Alastor move.

Alastor

He waves his shadow over to do it and nudges Telly's tail with his foot. He's staying put.

Sir Pentious

Oh! Good, the tail is curling back around and holding him, and he smiles just so fond and bright. And another sip of tea.

Alastor

Alastor returns the smile—it still looks tired, but it’s just a little warmer when he meets Telly’s gaze. “I’m sorry I threw you off your schedule today.” Such as it was; Alastor was getting the distinct impression that Telly’s schedule was *however much I can get done today in as many hours as I can keep working.* “I’ll help you get back on track. And next time it’s your turn to have an emotional breakdown, all right?”

Sir Pentious

He laughs softly, and reaches over to take Alastor's hand, thumb stroking gently. "Alright, but you have to mop up after." A snicker.

Alastor

Alastor squeezed Telly’s hand. “It’s a deal.”

Sir Pentious

He hums and takes another sip of his tea, not letting go of Alastor's hand. "Is my other sandwich done?"

Alastor

Alastor glances over.

His shadow is just, sorta, standing there, awkwardly, holding a sandwich, watching this tender moment. Heyyy.

Alastor gestures. Go on, put the man’s sandwich down.

Sir Pentious

And he is devouring the sandwich, very happily. A contented snake.

Alastor

Well, for all Alastor’s flaws, at least he can help keep one snake fed—and that’s something, isn’t it? He continues eating his own sandwich. It’s a little awkward with one hand, but right now nothing could make him let go of Telly.

#usedhearts #chat log

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supersaltytrashcan · 4 years

Text

tw: there is a very brief mention of sexual assault, not sure if its enough for a warning but i wanna be careful

i honestly barely ever come on tumblr anymore but i just really would like to rant and this is the place that only one person i know irl will see it so... sorry to anyone following me/anyone who sees this who isnt really into mcyt and streamers but thats my current like fixation ig (also might get a bit long im making sections)

bit of background on what brought this up

a couple of days ago the run of dreams that had been under investigation for a few weeks was discounted (im a little tired so the right words might not be quite making it here) and essentially hes being accused of cheating. if you follow him/are into mc speedrunning, etc you probably know this. this post is kinda about that kinda not.

background on MY interest in this

i discovered dreams (and subsequently george and sapnap) content around march i believe but for months was only really a casual viewer. i would watch the minecraft but... videos but i didnt even watch the manhunts because it didnt catch my interest at the time. so i didnt really know about speedrunning and such. around august or september i became a bit more of a “true fan.” i started watching them a bit more and watching livestreams and got into more members of the smp. currently, the dream team actually arent even my number one streamers/mcyters. i would have to give that to karl and fundy respectively. anyway, this is around when i kind of got into the speedrunning side of dreams content and just speedrunning in general before the run that essentially stopped the speedrun streams. although i wouldnt consider him my absolute favorite cc atm, i still definitely look up to dream for the amount of work he has put into youtube and how much he seems to just truly care about his fans and just people in general.

lol quick tangent

so i kinda feel that this story is important even tho it doesnt quite fit into the post. i am a pretty big kpop fan. my favorite group is stray kids and when woojin left, i was initially very heartbroken because again these are a group of people that i look up to. when the sexual assault allegations came out, i felt absolutely betrayed. i immediately unfollowed him on social media and my heart broke all over again, just not for him. i no longer missed woojin, i missed the person that i thought that he was. this might sound really overdramatic, but i have a bad habit of getting attached to celebrities that i look up to (thats a whole other thing to unpack) and knowing that i spent about a year maybe more idolizing someone so horrible made me absolutely sick to my stomach.

the dream situation

do i think dream modded his run? initially, i wanted to defend him as i did watch this run live and i think that as a fan its somewhat natural to want to defend his abilities at the game, but since the full paper and geosquare video came out im a little more hesitant to hop onto one side. personally i dont think that anyone as in the spotlight as dream would risk their reputation like that. its just really not worth it at that point. that being said, i have watched geosquare’s video (didnt read the full paper tho bc i have the attention span of actual dirt) and the evidence doesnt look great for either side really. what we are given makes it look very possible dreams game was modded but there were some flaws in the investigation(mostly in the data collection/sampling if im remembering correctly, again dirt). i think im just going to wait to hear more from dream before i make an absolutely solid opinion on this.

why did i feel the need to rant?

with all of that out there, the other night someone who calls himself my friend decided to bring up dream and this “scandal.” i have one class with this person which is why we communicate relatively frequently, but the reason i also try to stay nice/civil with him is because he is friends with one of my friend’s boyfriend. we used to be very close friends but we drifted and i have grown to dislike him for his ego and disrespect towards people that i care about. the other night, he decided to bring up dream very randomly and start pretty much shittalking and being very smug about “his career being over.” honestly it wouldnt have been such a big deal but he decided to bring it up and address me directly knowing that dream is someone that i look up to. i was extremely upset because at this point, i hadnt known a whole lot about the situation and was feeling a little betrayed. honesty is important to me, and if dream did in fact mod his game and cheat it will hurt a little bit. my issue is that i just dont understand how someone could call themselves a “friend” and then proceed to be so smug about something that they know would be causing you pain regardless of it being brought up in actual conversation. he knows what im like because we were extremely close in the past AND he knows about kpop and the fact that i was very hurt by the woojin situation so theres no way he didnt know what he was doing in that moment.

sorry for this its probably not even very coherent but ive had a bad couple of days for various reasons and i just wanted to get at least one thing off my chest. if theres a mcyt side of tumblr and you find this: hi! ur cool. thanks if you read this ik im a mess but ur amazing and beautiful and i hope u have a good day!

#dream #mcyt #ive had tumblr for years and i still dont know how to tag #dream speedrun #pfff idk #i dont remember how to make it do the read more thing so im sorry #damn maybe i should put this much effort into my actual essays and shit

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finitevoid · 4 years

Note

I am here to ask about DC AUs even though I don't really follow DC content so I will probably be lost UNLESS you happen to write about my lifelong wife and queen Raven. She's my fave DC character. Absolute legend. But yes what else are you writing? I am here to Support. ❤

you are so sweet? thank you so much im so sorry i dont write much for raven, though though ive been considering writing some kfrae for my overhaul dcu rewrite. um. i may have a problem, you cant prove anything

this is from the main event fic, which is where i rewrite the entirety of teen titans v3 (the tt comic from the 2000s) to be better. hopefully better? its mostly gen 3 sidekicks. this particular excerpt features cassie sandsmark (wondergirl ii, the current wondergirl), kon el kent (superboy i), tim drake (robin iii, also sometimes called red robin depending on the era) and bart allen (impulse, also called kid flash ii depending on the era)

Cassie scowled at her cellphone, but Bart had a feeling the cause of her scorn wasn’t on the screen. “But he didn’t have to call you a failure and an idiot. Constantly.”

Bart smiled crookedly. “I am an idiot.”

Cassie roughly kicked him with her combat boot. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Oi!” Bart whined, sitting up in Kon’s lap and rubbing at his shoulder, which ached slightly. “Rude.”

“You aren’t fucking stupid. The only idiot here is Superbrat.” She smirked at Kon, eyes a challenge.

“Fuck you, I am incredibly smart.” He snapped back, but he was smiling.

“Oh yeah,” Cassie leaned back casually. “A real genius. That’s why you know how to do, like, 2 moves.”

Bart shot off the couch just in time to watch Kon launch himself at Cassie, who whooped in excitement and shoved him off of her. They fell off the couch and devolved into a wrestling match, rolling across the tiled floor in a heap.

#this is also unedited #i love these characters <3 all you need to know is that they are so dumb and so in love #dc #earth 105 #<-- the tag for my rewrite thing #anteroism #<-- tag for the main event fic #hersilentlanguage #EDIT: SHOULD CLARIFY THE KID FLASH IN THE KFRAE IS wally west ii NOT bart allen whos too busy being in love with his friends

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askbittyerror · 4 years

Text

Wedding RP part 11

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Blue finds themself staring... there's no way he doesnt know exactly, and intimately, what it does... not with a reaction like that. "...need a hug?"

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." He nods.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 They step forward, and just, hug him. Carefully, for Archer's sake- no squish- but they definately hug him.

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 The bitties pile on, barring Paladin who flies a bit away with a look of distaste, and all give him little hugs and nuzzles.

salty darkness09/27/2020 Archer giggles, purring and flapping their wings. They hug Blue too, clinging and nuzzling- generally just happy to be cuddled.

Nintendo wraps his arms around, wings doing the same. He watches Paladin fly away, wincing a little. "...does he normally do that?"

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...he, has a very strong sense of-" justice "moral code. sometimes, it doesnt leave a lot of leeway for extenuating circumstance."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "Be a self-righteous grump who's very selective of what he gets all righteous about?" Magnus nuzzles, shooting his brother a look, who shoots him one right back. "Yes."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...good. just... stubborn."

salty darkness09/27/2020 Nintendo is quiet for a few more moments... then he nods, pulling away. "Okay." "...thank you."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Blue lets him go, but doesn't seem quite done with him yet. "Can i ask you something else?"

salty darkness09/27/2020 A small huff. "I'm listening."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "...i dont see any vials. and youre definitely showing what seems to be more emotion thsn ive ever seen our Ink without paint." "...how?"

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." Nintendo sets Archer down on the ground, setting his cake beside them. "Hold on for a second, Archsie... eat that if you want, but don't get too much chocolate all over your hands-"

He stands back up, looking very serious.

And then doubles over laughing like Blue just asked the most absurd question in the world.

"Oh-my-god-they-didn't-tell-you-"

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Blue may take a step back, looking somewhst startled - but mostly confused. "Um. Wait. What?"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 The bitties give him odd, and in Paladin's case, suspicious, looks.

salty darkness09/27/2020 He brings a hand to his chest, tugging on it. A glowing, upside-down heart is pulled out alongside it, tinted a bright, bright purple.

"I have a soul, obviously. How do you think Archer got made, sudden magic accidents?"

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "..." well. That left them speechless.

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 The bitties sputter and look away, flushing. Paladin practically falls out of the air.

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." Nintendo is laughing again. The little jerk.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 Blue.exe may still be processing this... [11:51 PM] "..." they should look away. All they can manage is a weak, "how?"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 Paladin absolutely fucking glares and Magnus pauses, rips off his boot, and long distance beans him in the head with it.

salty darkness09/27/2020 He still laughs a little under his breath, wiping tears from his eyes. "Well, I didn't have it originally, obviously. Got it while I was... occupied. And stuck. Somewhere. After a certain incident. Then found and obtained it." "...and Dream punched me in the chest and forced me to absorb it, which was an entire fiasco- to keep things short and sweet, magic bullshittery."

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "..." "Our Ink's paints arent working right anymore. But, i... dont think that solution will work for him." [11:56 PM] A sigh, and they nuzzle Magnus again, softly whispering, "good shot, love."

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 “Huh, okay-” Magnus shrieks as he is suddenly yanked from his biggie by his snarling brother, clawing and biting at him as the pair vanish somewhere private to ‘talk’.

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 ".........crap-"

salty darkness09/27/2020 "..." "Did I cause something?"

with-bells-upon09/27/2020 "..." "If i say no, is there any chsnce youll believe me?"

Askbittyerror09/27/2020 "They just..." Domino sighs, massaging his temples. "Need a minute. And likely some healing when they get back." "Should I go yell at them?" Mercury asks his grandpa. "No." Domino pats him. "Just let them sort it out."(edited) September 28, 2020

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "..." "Im gonna throw my own shoe at hin next time." Blue mutters, clearly not liking this, but pretty sure Domino is right, but- -but they want to follow. badly.

salty darkness09/28/2020 Archer looks up from where they had been stuffing cake in their mouth, babbling and getting chocolate all over their fancy coat. Nintendo sits down beside them, curling a wing around so his smol can nom in peace. "...sooooo. Any other questions, or was the knowledge that I can feel and have emotions in general good enough?"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Mercury raises his hand. "So are we brothers or..."

salty darkness09/28/2020 "Yes. Sure. We are brothers. Whatever keeps you from being sad or something."

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "YAY!" Mercury cheers. "NEW SIBLING!"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "...can I worry about m-?" a flash of very pale gold, some distance above, and a rather harried looking Paladin, roughly ten inches tall, with very, very pale wings, is soon flying towards Nintendo.

salty darkness09/28/2020 Nintendo lifts his head, making a high-pitched noise of alarm. He folds his wings around Archer, protecting the smol. "..." Then he looks at the Paladin again. "Fluffdad?"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 relief, as he spots his son, quickly winging down to him. "-okay, you're okay. good... arm, please."

salty darkness09/28/2020 "..." He holds out his arm. "Uh, why?"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 He lands, with practiced ease, looking over the other with concern. "why the frick did I feel your emotions doing the fudging cha-ch-" he pauses, looking mildly confused at the words coming out of his mouth.

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Fresh grins from inside his safety pocket.

salty darkness09/28/2020 "..." Nintendo narrows his eyes, giving Coryn a pap on the head. "It's fine. There's just a censoring frick around here, apparently." "...what were you asking?"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "...um." he shakes his head, and looks back at Nintendo for a long moment, papping his cheek lightly. "I felt your emotions all over the place from the kids' retreat. What happened? Are you okay?"

salty darkness09/28/2020 "...yeah. I'm... fine." he uncurls his wings, and Archer flops down on the ground, the cake smashed to smithereens, remains of it smeared all over their hands and face. "We were just... talking about Black 2.0. And what it does." "...bad memories and... stuff."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "..." Coryn pats him softly, not pressing further. "Okay." He agrees, pausing as he finally notices the other bitties. He stares.

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "Hi!" Mercury waves.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 A slow wave back, vaguely baffled. "...Hi." "...um. I'm Coryn. nice to meet you?"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "Nice to meet you too!" Mercury vibrates. "Your son is my brother now!"

salty darkness09/28/2020 Nintendo mutters something about explaining after the wedding.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "Um. Okay." His expression meanwhile is asking why the hell a nightshade bitty is being so sweet and welcoming.

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "Can I hug you?" Mercury asks. "I like hugs! Hugs are nice!"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 Coryn makes a small sound of alarm, stepping back and nearly falling off his son's arm. "W-why?"

salty darkness09/28/2020 "...he's a cuddly bitty, dad. It's not that deep."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "..." "Have you met! Your uncle!"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "You look soft and nice!" Mercury smiles.

salty darkness09/28/2020 Nintendo grins. "He is! You should hug him. He's really cuddly and open to hugs." [11:59 AM] "...and I don't care about my uncle."

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "I hug only if he's okay with it!" Mercury declares, hands on his hips.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "..." He steadies himself, looking at Mercury in something like confusion, but less alarm. "You... actually want to hug? If my brother said something like that to someone, they'd be about to die. horribly." "...my wings won't hurt you?"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "I don't kill people unless they're horrible abusive jerkfaces!" Mercury smiles brightly. "And it only hurts with prolonged contact or if you actually want to hurt me."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "...no, I dont-" "my. magic probably isn't strong enough to-" He falls silent, then agrees, somewhat hesitantly, "sure. hugs." he offers his arms to the... very, friendly corrupted nightmare. and hopes that Braithe stays with the kids.

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Mercury looks absolutely ecstatic and swings himself over, giving the Paladin a gentle hug, loose enough for him to escape if he wants to. "Thank you!!!"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 A brief, startled half flap of his wings... then slowly he puts his arms around the other. Still half expecting attack, but giving the benefit of the doubt.(edited)

salty darkness09/28/2020 Archer babbles, reaching up to try and hug the bitties as well. Nintendo moves his arm so they can wrap their arms around and snuggle. "..." "Thanks for the blackmail, dad."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "...huh?" please explain. fluff dad's processing ability is currently running at half speed.

salty darkness09/28/2020 "Did I stutter?"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Mercury is over the moon, so much cuddles, including baby ones? This is the best day ever!

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 Blank look... then, he hugs a little more, even closing his eyes. He looks, content, slowly relaxing. He can't remember the last time-

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Mercury nuzzles him, purring softly, tentacles doing a happy wiggle-waggle.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 A faint, shaky purr... he starts to shift his wings, instinctively wanting to offer wing hugs, but still them almost instantly. No, nope. Not even with his low magic. "...okay. you, i like. you're nice."(edited)

salty darkness09/28/2020 Archer flaps their wings, giggling and purring as well. Cuddles! Cuddles for all! Except Nintendo. He's just watching everyone cuddle. And holding the bitties on his arm.

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "I like you too!" Mercury is delighted. "You are also nice!"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 After an extended moment, Coryn let's go again... but he's smiling. "I like your new brother." He tells Nintendo, before using his wing to lightly boop Archer's nose. "you too, cutie."

salty darkness09/28/2020 Archer bats at Coryn's hands, looking very proud of themselves. "...yeah. I suppose he is pretty cool."

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Immense Mercury-based pride.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "...so that's the only thing that had you upset?" Coryn presses gently, attention returned to Nintendo. He knows his son better than that.

salty darkness09/28/2020 "Uh..." Nintendo looks away. "Yeah. It was."

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "My dad offered to be his dad too." Mercury helpfully offers. "And also my uncle got upset about it and dragged Dad off to hopefully just yell at him."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "..." gears seem to be turning in Coryn's mind, and he looks wary again. "okay, awhile I want to know why he was upset about it, I'd also like to know whether I should intervene. mostly because if there's a big enough fight, Braithe will find a way to join it... and while I love my brother, I wouldnt wish his attention on anyone but my worst enemies."

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "Uncle Pal disagreed with some of new awesome sibling's actions." Mercury shrugs, then frowns, looking thoughtful. "Well, it has been awhile... They usually don't take this long."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "..." "I'm gonna go look for them." Coryn mutters, uneasy.

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "I'm coming with." Mercury says. "I can hold back Uncle Pal pretty good and neither of them will hurt me." "Please don't do anything stupid." Jabber sighs. "I won't, my darling beautiful beloved sweetheart." Mercury smiles at Jabber's immediate flush. "Promise."

salty darkness09/28/2020 "..." Nintendo laughs rather nervously. "You, uh. Don't want to hear what those actions were? Just in case? So you don't come back and yell at me later?"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "...please-" Blue doesn't know what to say. Normally they'd have run after the two themself, but aren't willing to consign the rest of their family to the floor in an unfamiliar place. "-just, be careful. all around." Coryn gives Nintendo a small frown. "-have I ever yelled at you? Once?"

salty darkness09/28/2020 "...no-but-depending-on-how-much-you-care-about-Lark-you-might??"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "...I care about Lark. he's Uriah's biggie, and also your step brother. but I hardly think that's going to change my tendency to raise my voice." Soft paps. "-we'll talk about this when we get back. But you're my son. Even if you did mess up, that's not going to change, understand?"

salty darkness09/28/2020 A nod. "Okay." "...sorry in advance."

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 "..." a nod, and then he offers his hand to Mercury. chase by wing, or teleport?"

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 "Teleport." Mercury takes it. "I can kinda feel where they are. Want me to do it?"

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 A nod. "You lead. My magic's a bit fickle."(edited)

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Mercury focuses and yanks them away to a dark corner. Magnus is on the ground, leaking Marrow heavily, kicking up at his brother and growling, teeth sunk into his arm. Paladin snarls, sword stabbed through Magnus’ shirt and going steadily deeper.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 Without a second thought Coryn let's go of Mercury, teleporting behind Paladin and snapping out one golden 'tendril' to wrap around his neck, offering zero forewarning, or even a sound.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 ...he intends to pull, a solid, even, jerk... away from Magnus.

Askbittyerror09/28/2020 Paladin growls and his sword is yanked from his brother’s chest, swung back to try and slice through whatever is holding him. Mercury darts forward, a too sharp smile on his face, and his tentacles wrap around the arm, the blade and Paladin’s waist, tearing the sword from his hand and flinging his uncle very hard into the wall. A chunk of bone is ripped from Paladin’s arm, the gash leaking dark-stained gold, and Magnus spits out the mouthful of dust and a glob of black, more leaking from between his teeth. He stands, legs quivering, back hunched and snarling viciously.

with-bells-upon09/28/2020 Black tendrils shoot from the shadow behind where Paladin falls, wrapping around every last bit of bone they can grab, and holding tight. Tight enough to make bone creak... even as Coryn watches Magnus, wary about whether he'll be attacked by the other as well. [3:29 PM] an icy aqua eye watches as well, silent.(edited)

JusticeMom09/28/2020 Dragon slides down the hall towards where they sense tiny angry auras flaring breathing hard as they race to make it in time

#wedding rp #part 11

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teanaoverton · 6 years

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still swimming.

i thought the first year of law school was suppose to be the toughest. that was not the case for me.

this past semester, the first of my 2L year was the most trying experience of my life. and sheesh, i have dealt with a lot of experiences.

before we go any further, i think its important to tell you a little about myself and warn you of some contents that this post will contain.

i am brutally honest. i dont believe in sugar coating the truth, and so i wont. this post may be triggering to anyone who has every experienced sexual assault and/or sexual harassment. this post is my truth. and if you havent noticed by now, i do not like capital letters or formal punctuation. and i also cant spell.

anyway, back to the story.

the beginning of the semester started off rocky. i worked for my school and assisted with many task including orientation for the first year students and the title ix policy updates (thanks betsy *eyeroll*).

unfortunately, i had to use that title ix policy.

at the end of july, my key card to get in and out of my school’s parking deck was not working properly. i expressed my concern to a security officer. instead of walking to the gate, he walked with me to the parking deck and followed me to my car. we were the only two in the parking deck.

while at my car, he asked me on a date. i was not interested in the slightest. but hey, im a girl all alone in the parking deck with a security guard. i had just heard about a woman getting killed for rejecting a man. and i sure tf have no lived enough to die. so i told him that school was starting soon and i did not have time. smooth escape i thought. and i also thought that would be it, i was wrong.

the next week, i left the second floor (where i worked) to go downstairs and get a snack from the vending machines. he saw me and ran to try and pay for my snack, thoughtful gesture, but i refused as i did not want to lead him on. he then followed me to the elevators and handed me a note with his number on it.

i had to cross paths with him to get to work, and he would make comments to me. once in particular troubled me.“you dont work on wednesdays, we could go out on a wednesday.” and that is when a red flag went off for me.

why do you know my work schedule? ive already said i wasnt interest, why are you still actively pursing me? so i told my friend/co-worker about the interactions and asked her to walk me to my car.

while working late one evening, he came to the suite and started talking and staring. it was after hours and he was no longer on the clock. the other security officer on duty was probably home with his feet kicked up by this hour. instead of doing the same... he came to “see what was going on.” being aware of the situation and that i was uncomfortable, my friend engaged in the conversation so i didnt have to. bless her.

during orientation, we had leftover food. my boss at the time asked me to take some to the security officers. my friend and i locked eyes knowing i sure tf was not about to lead this man on by any means. so, that is when i told my boss at the time that i was good off doing that. if you know who my boss was, you know she will get the truth out of you.

one thing lead to another and boom, the incidents were reported to HR. who i was required to meet with. during the first week of classes, i met both HR and my boss to reassure them that i was not looking to get a black man fired, i just wanted to be left alone.

time went by, nothing happened. i still was uncomfortable passing the security desk. i would have friends walk with me to the car so i wouldnt be alone bc guess who did rounds in the parking deck, yeah. you guessed it, him.

unfortunately, my request was not fulfilled. he did not leave me alone. i was required to do a tabling event for work. guess where that tabling event was? right across from the security desk. gr8!!! he looked at me and loudly started saying "i shouldn't have to come to work and be uncomfortable.” he said this several times, causing others in the area to look and see what was going on.

again, the tabling event was for work (different job btw). i was sitting next to my boss who was unaware of the previous interactions. she too asked “why is he screaming like that?”

i sat there in shock. in silence. and on the clock, so i couldnt leave.

why. should. he. have. to. come. to. work. and. feel. uncomfortable.

that was it, my breaking point. i felt unsafe. i expressed my concerns to the appropriate parties. eventually time went on and he was transferred.

shortly after, repressed memories of my childhood rape surfaced during a therapy session. along with many thoughts: was i over exaggerating? did i lead him on in anyway? could i have done more to let him know i wasnt interested before reporting the incidents? was this my fault?

guilt.

i lost track of what was happening in real life because i was so distracted by the thoughts in my head. but as soon as i gained back some control, real life hit me again. my legal writing assignment had been posted. and guess what the topic was? sexual harassment in the work place.

you mean to tell me, i have to do research, write a brief, and have an oral argument about sexual harassment? shit, someone call my therapist.

i wrote some shit on some paper. and that was that. what was happening in my classes? no clue. what was happening in my life? no clue. what was going on in the world? no clue.

i got lost again.

i just wanted to float and let the current carry me for awhile. i wanted to watch the clouds chase each other into different corners of the sky like freed kites who never worry about the meaning of away. i wanted to float. ive been swimming so long.

but my thoughts eventually had an off switch and i was good again. then guess what?

kavanaugh.

here we fucking go again.

the student body president signed an aba petition to conduct an impartial hearing on kav. and for some reason, some students were pissed. so they took it upon themselves to write a petition to have the sba president remove his name from the aba petition and issue an apology.

i need you to pay very close attention for this part.

i sat in class triggered. surrounded by people signing this petition while tears poured down my face. how fucking disgusting are you people.

now the only reason i know what the petition actual was is because i am in sba. otherwise, i would have no clue it ever existed. want to know why? because the students who wrote the petition never asked me to sign it. trust me, i am not offended. in fact, im honored that they knew better than to bring some bullshit like that to me. but what was upsetting, when another student asked what was going on (why everyone was gathered looking at the petition), the authors of it said “we’re just looking at some stuff about aba accreditation.”

baby, if you gonna talk about it. be about it. smh.

the petition surfaced. and the names on it, wow. people i looked up to. people i considered role models. women who are allegedly advocates for women. women in general. even a few self-proclaimed feminist.

wow. the names.

so many people who have reached out to me when i told my story about being raped as a child. so many people i believed would be there for me if i asked for help dealing with the recent sexual harassment. so many frauds.

their names, they were on it. big and bold.

i didnt want to float anymore. i wanted to drown.

i was suffering. isolating myself from everyone. i did the absolute bare minimum. i distanced myself from my family, my friends, from everyone around me.

i didnt read for any of my classes. i stopped caring. i had thoughts about dropping out of school. i still have the withdrawal email in my draft.

i want to give someone credit for helping me through this, but i cant. this ocean, its so big. but hell, i havent drowned yet.

meanwhile, im still swimming.

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aedesalbopictus · 2 years

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okay mainly making this for my peace of mind cause i saw someone else do this and i kinda wanted to out of curiosity and to take a jog down memory lane

ill start from the minecraft ccs ive watched first to recent and wether i still watch them or not and how much i watched them

2017-2018 maybe even 2016

popularmmos, i used to watch their lucky block races and modded mc with natural disasters those type of videos. i do not watch them anymore and i dont think ive ever like fixated much on them (1)

prestonplays, i forgot what type of videos he made but i think i remember races and that i watched him

same with unspeakable

(1) but i do remember watching them everytime i went to the library to use the computers and i remember this vividly because someone asked me what i was watching once and i said popular em oh em z and spelled it wrong so yeah

2018-2020

skeppy, i watched his 100 kids video and i think it was either him or technoblade that introduced me to the dreamsmp, i think i binged all his i trap 100 kids vids and some trolling vids after early 2020 i think i stopped watching him cause of the a6d drama??? i dont remember

2020-2021

dsmp ccs like dream/tommy/ranboo/techno ect, i saw some dsmp vids on my fyp and i ended up in the dsmp i dont think ive hardcore binged all the lore vids or streams but kinda casually. i am not longer in the dsmp due to lost interest

bedwars ccs, like purpled, wallybear, astellic, gamerboy80 this phase lasted kinda short, for a couple of months i was super invested in their vids on bedwars and i even tried out bedwars for myself but i just was not good at it xd i still watch some of their vids but usually only when they pop up on my recs and i have nothing else to watch

2019-2021

wadzee, i was one of his earlier watchers of his hardcore series when he had like 50k subs i think i dont remember but i was subbed to him and watched all his hardcore series vids but after a while lost interest and unsubbed i do remember the very start of his melon farm though :d

2020-

wilbursoot and his minecraft but videos and his minecraft but i get a random block every some interval idk and his kahoot and geoguessr vids i watched some of his dsmp content but i just didnt really like it so i stopped watching him for a while now thought after his break i still keep up w his vids

techno, ive watched his vids before he joined dsmp im pretty sure but the dsmp made me more invested into his content and i still keep up with his vids

2022-

hermitcraft ccs!! ive been interested in them for a while being around 2 months and they are my current hyperfixation ccs i mainly watch grian, mumbo, etho, bdouble0, scar, zedaph and some others occasionally but them mainly :)

i have been watching mc content for ages though and i’ve probably missed out tons of people and im very sure ive watched mc before 2016 i just dont remember exactly

it is 1:48 am goodnight yall

#minecraft content creator #minecraft #really just me rambling #i wrote this instead of sleeping #rambles

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cyrelia-j · 6 years

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[Ficlet] A Gift for my Darling IV (mirror Garak/Bashir/Parmak)

Somehow this thing got plot-y. When it's all said and done I'll likely clean it up and throw it on AO3 in a more proper setting but sometimes I kinda regard Tumblr as like my own personal kink meme or something.

Previous parts are here:

One, Two, Three

Summary: [Dark slavefic] Julian Bashir was given to the mad Doctor Parmak as a present by his lover Garak and altered in ways that he'd find horrifying if he still had all his memories and feelings. As time has gone on Garak has to his dismay become a bigger part of the picture than he'd like. Why can't his life just be simple?

WARNINGS: non consensual body modification, body horror, slave fic, dark, mentions of violence and torture, jut some weird shit, explicit sexual content both consensual and rape/non con (I’m putting the non con warning extra here because Julian’s [unreliable] narration expresses mainly acceptance/joy about his current situation and events but it’s important to note that it's only because his mind/self has been altered into it not because he actually is/was able to consent to anything done to him), also kind of OOC that’s explained and it’s mirror universe but still yeah OOC although Mirror Julian is still a prick

For those still with me:

Julian drops the body at Garak’s feet making him jump. He stretches languidly with a loud exaggerated purr of satisfaction. “Guls! Are you trying to kill me with a heart attack now?” Garak asks looking up from the couch. It’s newly bolted down to the floor which Julian finds a bit disappointing but he has other ways to amuse himself with Garak. Doctor Parmak had scolded them both and said that the officers below were complaining about the noise. Julian asked if they couldn’t just fucking kill them and be done with it. But no, his doctor said that he and Garak (Julian laughed when Garak was included in that lecture) had to learn to have more consideration for the others on the station. Garak found some reason to have them executed a few weeks later- collusion with the Terran rebels, Julian thinks- but Doctor Parmak still ordered all the living room furniture bolted down. Julian had sulked but Garak decided to be unusually nice about it. It was a bit of a let down really.

Julian had thought perhaps with the noise complaint he might instead be permitted to spend more time with Doctor Parmak but again, the three of them just ended up moving to a larger suite of rooms. Julian doesn’t care for the smell. There’s lingering Klingon but it’s been lessening they more they use the rooms. Julian’s been spending more time out anyway. Doctor Parmak had praised him for leading them all right to the would be escapees although he admitted to his doctor later that he really had just been looking for him since The Intendant’s soiree was such a miserable affair and Garak wasn’t even playing with him or paying him any attention. Nonetheless, Doctor Parmak thought he might be able to amuse himself by monitoring the conduits and other station ducts.

He was right, Julian has been having a bloody marvelous time. He’s made a game of it really- he mentally marks off certain “kill zones” and then waits until he sees rats scurrying about in them. At first it was merely Terrans trying to conduct some secret business here and there. But then he noticed something interesting; the Terrans had gotten wise to something up in the conduits and had taken to occasionally lure Cardassians or Klingons into them as well on the off chance that it might prove beneficial. Julian doesn’t discriminate when it comes to the kill zones. That’s what makes the game fun after all. It makes little different to him if the rats might also happen to be lizards. Though he makes sure to gift the Cardassians to Doctor Parmak; Garak doesn’t seem to appreciate being presented with the bodies of his underlings.

Julian kneels next to Garak’s legs and puts his head on his lap looking up. “Brought you a pressie,” he half sings, mouth shut, curved into a wide grin. “This ‘un wasn’t fast enough. Got ‘im by the leg then the throat. Would you like to know what I heard before I broke up their little party?” He shuts his eyes as Garak pets his head absently. “For all the good it will do since I can’t act on any of your information without compromising your spying,” Garak grumbles. “I know this one,” he says looking down at the Terran with a sneer. “He stepped on my boot once. I thought I had him killed,” he murmured absently. “Memory must be slipping in your old age, Garak. You know what they say goes next.” Garak kicks him off and Julian swats at him- carefully of course. He wouldn’t want to upset Doctor Parmak by drawing blood. Again.

“They’ve got someone in communication with the Terran rebels in the badlands. Think I might be able to ferret out who if I make contact with them.” “Yes, I’m sure they’d be all too delighted to share their plans with the creature murdering their colleagues.” Julian shrugs. Garak’s insults don’t particularly bother him they way they used to. “They’re going to take the station sooner or later.” “Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong,” Garak says with another look to the body. He stands up and gives it a good kick. “Because soon enough we’re going to have a way to find their bases.” Julian snorts looking under the sofa for the puzzle he’d been messing with earlier that morning.

“You couldn’t find eternal life with the fucking philosopher’s stone, Garak.” He gives a long catlike stretch, admiring his shiny new arms as he does. Garak had been in a mood after the prisoners escaped before. He’s thrown Julian’s arms into the smelter. Julian really had tried to rip his throat out with his teeth then. Julian likes these better. They’re lighter, they’re stronger, and he can see his reflection in the plates of them. Doctor Parmak said he was working on a synthetic skin for them too but Julian likes them the way they are. They’re beautiful. He likes switching the claws in and out.

“Don’t,” Garak warns just as Julian is about to drag them across the carpet. He rolls his eyes but obeys. “Then why don’t you give me something to do around here? Doctor Parmak can always find me something.” “You’re not spying on the Terrans. Besides, with the guest The Intendant has coming, they won’t be an issue much longer.” “Guest?” Julian asks feeling Garak start to pet up his back, pushing under his shirt. Oh that feels so nice. “Sisko’s ex wife,” Garak crows, giving Julian little scratches. Julian fucking melts. Doctor Parmak was insistent that there was something that Garak was hiding which he wouldn’t dream of sharing with his lover. Julian didn’t understand why his doctor thought that Garak would share vital operations with Julian if he wouldn’t tell him.

But Doctor Parmak knew better and as Garak sits cross legged on the floor and continues petting him he really does tell Julian everything that he needs to know. Christ, Garak is just as fucking stupid as Julian’s always thought. His doctor is right. The Terrans will definitely want this information. A sensor array that can detect their bases would crush the rebellion where it stands. Sisko is already dead and the resistance will crumble with another blow like that. Julian purrs, rolling onto his side when Garak rolls him, his fingers playing with the sensitive scar tissue of his neck. It hurts when Garak does it too hard but he does it nice and soft this time telling him what a good kitty he is. Julian would sooner die than admit it but he might actually miss Garak a bit when they’re gone...

“You’re really going through with this?” Garak asks him with an incredulous look. Parmak leans down and turns off the sleeping Julian’s hearing. Garak only takes a moment before his eyes narrow. “And of course your pet told you everything.” Parmak shoots him a small smile. “People will say things in front of animals that they wouldn’t dream of otherwise.” He answers slowly starting to unbraid his hair. Garak watches the ritual the way he always has. “He’s not actually a cat, Kelas. I’m well aware that anything I say in front of him will go straight back to you.” Which then begs the question of why he told him in the first place. “You’ve done something to him to cause that sort of loose tongued relaxation, haven’t you?”

“Really, what haven’t I done to him? Or you... or even myself for that matter. You act as if I wouldn’t willingly sacrifice my own body for science either…” Parmak sighs and starts to unfasten his tunic. “Does it matter Elim?” Parmak stops and looks at Garak’s mouth thoughtfully. “Oh! That reminds me, you really ought to be careful about kissing him. A cat’s mouth is an unfortunate hotbed of bacteria.” Garak puts his fingers to his mouth. Sometimes they tingle when he and Julian are rough. Sometimes they burn. Now that he thinks about it… “Ulcartic virus,” Kelas supplies with a twitch of his shoulder mimicking a Terran shrug.

“Are you insa-?!” Garak immediately stops before completing that word seeing Parmak freeze. Parmak has always been somewhat sensitive about it. Garak clears his throat. “I might question your choice of modification in this instance,” he continues carefully. “You’re probably well on your way to being immune now if you aren’t already, though you do have my apologies for the illnessness you’ve suffered these past months.” Garak could complain, but he knows it’s futile. He isn’t certain that Parmak is actually capable of really feeling things like guilt. “I think it’s been quite an effective inoculation, myself.”

Of course. Because Parmak didn’t have Julian biting, sucking, spit swapping and a million other things; despite what he says, Parmak would have been far more careful with his own body. “You’re welcome,” Parmak adds as an afterthought. “You were saying about my leaving though?” “You’re going to get us all killed,” Garak says flatly. Parmak laughs. “Mmm, no, that’s where you’re mistaken. I thought I explained it to you but perhaps you weren’t listening which was an oversight on my part I’m sure. I’m sure I shouldn’t tell you these things mid coitus. But really Elim, you’re so insatiable, when should I say them to you?”

The tunic slides from his shoulders and Parmak is right. Garak is already painfully heated by him. But Garak isn’t the one who’s insatiable. “Just because your lusts are limitless Kelas, I don’t see why you need to infect the rest of us with your Northerner’s disease.” “Don’t be such a bigot. It’s unbecoming of you. I know you all look down on us, Garak. You all find us weak because we lack your discipline of mind but you know. I like to think that we have something you Southerners lack.” Parmak pulls the undershirt off and faces him about to unfasten his trousers- but then he stops with a tilt of his head.

Parmak watches Garak shift on the seat and he smiles, pleased at the efficacy of his little modifications. Garak really shouldn’t have invited him to share his bed so freely if he didn’t want to embrace the risk. That Garak should expect to remain in Parmak’s presence unconscious, asleep, or otherwise incapacitated, believing himself safe simply because Parmak has kept him alive far longer than any of his other lovers is laughable. Parmak has always seen the world as an endless source of things for him to play with; whether they want it or not.

“Undress me, Elim,” he says softly with a flick of his tongue. “I think I’ve serviced you enough the last few months that it wouldn’t be untoward to expect a bit out of you in return.” Parmak waits for Garak to get on his knees and start unfastening the trousers in his place. Garak is quick, his fingers shaking as he tries to go faster. Whatever Parmak has done to him in the last few weeks, months (for all he knows the “medicine” Parmak gave to treat his “minor cold may have been it) it’s effective. “Mmm, I do adore you, Elim. You’re ambitious but not too ambitious. You’re smart but not too smart.”

Parmak looks down at him with a gentle pet to his hair. He pushes his spectacles up. He doesn’t need to wear them any longer but he enjoys them. He enjoys the slow shuffle down the hall as the officers defer to him- as they get out of the way of the fragile old man like he was a Legate. That’s another one of Parmaks little games that he enjoys. “And you love my hair, don’t you?” It drops down his back in a fall of white, like the desert of Nokar Garak will sometimes say when he’s feeling poetic. Garak likes to hold Parmak’s hair hard while he fucks him.

“What are you planning Kelas?” Garak gasps sliding trousers down, mouth to the swollen damp scales of his ajan. “Do you promise that you’ll listen this time? I should hate to have to repeat myself though I know it’s not quite your fault I…” Parmak hisses as Garak’s tongue laps at his slit. “Don’t stop,” he rushes as Garak’s wide palms hold his hips. Garak doesn’t stop. Garak licks him again, feeling the swell of those sensitive tissues dampen his lips, feeling the tentative tip of Parmak’s prUt kissing back to his tongue. Garak sucks at it, drawing it out further, Parmak whimpering with a few stutters starts to speak. “Tss… ssss…. Hsss…” Garak feels his legs tremble, and his body may have been engineered thirty years back to its prime but he still shakes helpless when Garak puts his mouth on him or when Garak holds him down and drives into him deep. Garak might not be the genius that Parmak is, but he’s cunning where it counts and more importantly, he knows his old friend’s biggest weaknesses. He loves exploiting them ruthessly.

“Elim,” Parmak pleads, and Garak feels his knees start to buckle, feel him start to sink down, Parmak’s prUt hard, wet, almost fully everted to his mouth. Yes, he knows Parmak’s weakness alright. “Please Elim, please I need you I can’t… please fuck me please fuck me…” It’s laughable. “Please Guls I can’t-” “Oh but I thought you were going to relay the plan again for me- because I’m nowhere near your level of intellect, Doctor Parmak.” Garak sucks him hard, one hand fumbling with the buttons of his trousers. Parmak definitely did something to him because he’s not usually this immediately hard, half everted by Parmak’s taste on his tongue and his scent in the air- not unless it’s by his own design which this definitely is not. He only hopes his prUt still looks halfway normal... Ah Guls, what does it matter if he can still stick it in Parmak’s tight little ass?

“Elim you… you knew… you knew all a…ahhh long…” Of course he did. Garak’s memory is flawless. He knows the plan. He knows that Parmak plans to give the rebels the information that he’s been trying to work out of Garak the last two weeks. He has every intention of seeing the station fall and allying with the rebels or letting them fall right into some trap so that Garak can look like a grand hero and The Intendant an incompetent keeper who needs to be replaced. And either way it saves his own miserable hide though he swears that Elim is every part of the plan. Garak isn’t so sure that he trusts him on that but- “Beg me, Kelas,” Garak rasps leaving Parmak’s trousers around his knees. His thumbs slowly circles Parmak’s chuva, dark, ridges around it flushed and swollen watching his prUt twitch, spilling sticky fluid down the tip helplessly. Parmak half collapses on top of him unbalanced and Garak shoves him backwards to the floor.

“Please… please Elim I-” “You can do better than that, Nokaran slut,” Garak hisses at him. If this is going to be one of their last encounters for a while Garak is going to make sure that Parmak doesn’t forget it any time soon. He can see the heave of Parmak’s chest excited, eager, one hand already tugging his trousers off hurriedly. His body is soft, little definition about it, having always been slim, his legs long and skinny, that small roll of stomach there in middle age all tender and delightful beneath Garak’s mouth- a typical useless scientist body really but… something about his form as a whole, about his eyes, his mouth, that obscene fall of desert white hair...

Or better still, the sight of Parmak turned around his knees presenting for him, showing the deep pink of his filthy little hole for Garak to violate, those eyes slitted and lusty for him, that mouth open panting his name… it’s always undone him. “I need you Elim… I need you to fuck me… I need your prUt in me… I…” “Go on, slut,” Garak crawls over to him a fistful of that long thick hair, eyes swinging over the dark scales around his spine, the dark gray puffy ridges of his neck his shoulders, those weak arms trembling. “Should I make you ride me or should I take you like a bitch? My, Kelas, however do you plan on managing months… years possibly without my prUt buried deep inside you?”

Parmak opens his mouth to answer and Garak reaches forward thrusting his fingers in it roughly. “Are you going to let your little pet fuck you? Are you going to get on your knees like this for your cat and let it mount you?” Parmak sucks his fingers, biting down, teeth scraping, Garak shoving them in so far in return that he nearly gags until Garak takes them away. That extra bit of mucus makes them so nice and wet, so slick that Garak slides them both in his hole so easily.

“You don’t need to lie to me, doctor,” Garak sneers. “Oh you’ll tell yourself that you would never lower yourself to lie with an animal. You’ll tell yourself that the wise and venerable Doctor Kelas Parmak is above such things, but I know you, Kelas and I know what a dirty Northerner slut you are.” Garak drills fingers into him, Parmak rocking back fast, frantic, keening, begging Garak for his prUt, begging for that dirty human word “cock” begging for his “prick”, begging him to fuck him any way he likes and Garak twists his fingers, feeling him clench, seeing his shoulders drop, knowing that Parmak's forearms are crossed, head bowed, chufa rubbing as he bites his lip hard.

“Elim…” hitching high, half strangled, pleading. Parmak is ready for him. Parmak is always ready for him. Garak withdraws his fingers and sucks them off loudly, letting his slick hard prUt slide over that hole. “Yes, just like this, my dear. I don’t give you more than a week without my cock before you’re sucking your little pet off in desperation for release.” “D… Ts... damn you…” Garak teases that greedy little hole letting just the tip suck in, out, hearing Parmak half sobbing as Garak just lets that wide glans open him wider. He’s right; and that’s why Parmak doesn’t even try to deny it. Because if there is one weakness that the Alliance’s most brilliant, most gifted, most deviant and depraved doctor has it’s sex; it’s being fucked. It’s being held down, drilled, pounded so raw, so hard that he can’t even breathe… Just like this.

And Garak is the best at it.

(Part 5 now up here)

#star trek ds9 #star trek deep space nine #ds9 fanfic #mirror universe #dark and twisted #Julian Bashir #kelas parmak #elim garak #Garak/Bashir/Parmak #see warnings #fanfic #cyrelia-j

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leonmckennedy · 7 years

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me: im gonna write out this scene from a future fic that i cant get out of my head. it’ll be quick, its fine

me, 1400 words later: fuck

contains: prompto | noctis + a smooch or two. it’s like, brotherhood esque

theres a ref here to this one fic which is like, the best fic ive ever read

by the time the credits start to roll, prompto has nearly forgotten they were even watching a movie. prompto had made some offhand comment, something about a chocobo that was present in an earlier scene, and that caused noctis to snort and say something snarly, and that sparked the sudden conversation they’re having now.

the movie itself is of no consequence; it’s a mediocre movie they’ve seen many, many times together that it was only really on due to how familiar it was — and there’s some voice in prompto, something equally anxious and excited, that’s amazed he’s such friends with the crown prince now that they have a comfort movie— so, really, the movie managing to run it’s course while they argue about the sizes of monsters isn’t special at all.

unlike prompto, who’s all wild gestures and noises, noctis is rather still when he talks. it’s probably because of his seemingly perpetual drowsiness, with the current late time undoubtedly feeding into it. where noctis was facing him before, making faces at prompto and laughing whenever he said something particularly outlandish, now he’s leaning heavily into prompto’s side, head falling to land on the blond’s shoulder.

for a moment, prompto can only think of how warm noctis is.

“...i don’t get you at all,” noct says, voice amused even though he sounds like he’s suppressing a yawn. “i mean, you’re usually wrong about stuff like this, but never this wrong.”

prompto manages a huff. “i’m offended. a behemoth sized chocobo wouldn’t be scary at all. in fact, the bigger the bird, the more to love.”

“okay yeah, but we were talking about fighting. and i can guarantee you wouldn’t want to fight a chocobo the size of a behemoth.”

“dude. a giant chocobo could crush me with their giant feet and i’d thank them, probably.”

noctis laughs, a low chuckle that prompto can feel rumble through his body. noct moves, probably intending to push him or something equally terrible, but doesn’t seem to have the energy for it. instead he ends up shifting, depositing more of his weight into prompto’s side instead. prompto feels… well, he isn’t sure how to feel about it yet, besides of it being nice.

“alright, so let me make sure i got this right: you’d rather face a behemoth-sized chocobo, than a chocobo-sized behemoth, because you’re certain you’ll manage train the giant chocobo to not kill you.”

“having a giant pet chocobo is my new dream.”

“you’re so dumb, prom.”

prompto starts to say something in response but noctis shifts again, reaching for one of the blankets that became disheveled in their argument, and prompto ends up just… watching. he notices belatedly that the credits have completely finished rolling and the screen is blank now, the screen defaulting to the movie’s menu. so it’s late, and it’s quiet — thus, a certain type of hush falls over them. it’s something warm and comforting, not unlike the blanket that noctis proceeds to bundle around the both of them. all ridiculous conversations aside, it’s been a great night. no class tomorrow, homework either finished or left for another day when it’s more urgent.

right now it’s just them, and while prompto sits there in a deep silence slightly uncharacteristic for him, he lets it wash over him. he’s probably never been this content in his life. if noctis would look at him now, he’d probably see the dopest smile of prompto’s face, and then prompto would have to be forced to joke off his friend’s teasing. as it is, however, noctis is looking away, eyes half open and staring blankly at a spot on the blanket. his face is obscured a bit by his hair — because his fringe is growing, because prompto can’t remember the last time noctis has gotten his hair cut at all — so prompto can’t see his expression. but his hands are gripping the blankets, and he’s still besides the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes.

unbidden, the thought that noctis is really cute passes through. prompto doesn’t ignore it, per se, but he tries his damndest to squash the urge to grab his camera and snap a shot.

they continue in comfortable silence for a bit. prompto is ready to ask noctis if he’s fallen asleep already when the prince speaks himself. “hey… prompto.”

“yah?”

noctis opens his mouth but then closes it again, exhaling through his nose. prompto can feel the action. can feel it, clearly, when noct turns his head to bury his face in prompto’s neck, breathes against his skin. prompto bites back a surprised gasp, swallows hard.

“noct…?”

“sorry,” noctis says, doesn't move. “you’re just…. warm. it’s nice.”

funny, it’s what prompto has been thinking this whole time. noctis is so warm and calm by his side, prompto thinks that they could fall asleep like this. together, bundled up, with each other. it makes prompto’s stomach flutter.

“you’re just trying to use me as a pillow, aren’t you?”

“maybe.” the word is nothing but a breath against prompto’s skin. prompto shivers slightly. “maybe not a pillow but….something.”

something?

“you’re just the snuggle monster tonight, then.”

noctis shakes his head slightly and looks up at him then, completely and fully. their faces are close, and noctis’ sleepy blues have a particular shine to them. prompto swallows again and noctis follows the bob of his throat, watches his jaw, trails back up to prompto’s lips. like a built in response prompto darts his tongue out to lick them and noctis watches that too, copies the action himself.

“prom.”

“yeah?”

“kiss me?”

it sounds like a suggestion, a question, and a command all at once. there’s a bit in his mind that, while chugging to process what’s happening, asks how this is possible. is this what their relationship is? was? a split second, spent watching the anticipation in noctis’ eyes, isn’t enough to find a suitable conclusion; or any, really, that wouldn't make him scream in embarrassment. however that voice inside that screams at him, that bit that’s half anxiety and half bad decision making, nags at the edge of his self-restraint and then he’s nodding, a slightly jerky movement.

noctis leans in, and prompto meets him halfway. it’s a pretty chaste kiss, probably lasts not even five seconds. noct’s lips are soft, and when they part noctis is looking at his, head tilted as if to consider them.

the nerves start to tug at prompto almost immediately and he laughs, pitch a little higher than he’d like. “h-how was that?”

noctis blinks. “good.” and then: “one more?”

prompto nods, a little too quickly, and leans in again. the second kiss last twice as long, still pretty chaste. prompto’s hands, slightly shaky, has found themselves on noctis’ arms, holding firmly. his lips move against noctis’ and he’s suddenly not thinking much at all. soft. warm.

noctis pulls away first with a strange sound, and prompto shakes, opens his mouth to start stumbling out an apology because wow, maybe he managed to mess something up, but noctis places a hand over his. shaking his head, noctis simply settles back against prompto’s shoulder, face slightly buried. they fall into silence again, just for a moment.

“was… was that good?”

noctis doesn’t answer immediately. he closes his eyes, breathes in, out. “it was.”

prompto feels heat in his head, shakes it slightly as if that could help clear his thoughts. everything feels so warm it’s almost smothering. “do you wanna do that again? i mean, i wouldn’t be mad if you did. wanna kiss, that is. again.”

noctis shakes his head against prompto’s neck and prompto feels his stomach begin to drop. it’s like a weight suddenly sliding down his chest with the sudden fear. he’s going to lose something, something soft and decidedly lazy that he didn't think was even an option until just now and he tries to quell the disappointment. noctis, as if sensing his distress, grabs his hand and holds it firmly. in a moment he’s lying fully on prompto, eyes closed, and his uncontrollable yawn soothes prompto’s nerves. or maybe it’s just from the way he rubs his thumb against prompto’s fingers, back and forth, soft.

“i just… wanna sleep, now…”

“oh. bedtime?”

noct yawns again, muffled against the blanket and his friend’s shoulder. “bedtime.”

though prompto is sure sleeping in a position like this will just cause him embarrassment and a terrible crick in the neck by morning, he let’s it happen. he doesn’t hazard getting up to find the television remote, or another blanket, or any other excuse he would try to think of any other day. noctis, asleep almost instantly after his declaration, is a solid weight against him, warm. comforting. and with the light of the television, blue and almost humming against the otherwise dark room, lures him to sleep.

#ffxv #final fantasy xv #promptis #prompto argentum #noctis lucis caelum #fanfic #it's part of my duscae au #and honestly by the time i get to writing it it will probably go down much differently than this #or something

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n0feelingsxx-blog · 7 years

Text

do you like getting hickeys? only on my nek.

oral, do you like oral? i love receiving it, giving isn’t too bad either, but only do it for the right peron.

if you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Eminem

plan on getting drunk or high tonight? i’ve gotten drunk the past two nights, so not tonight tomorrow i will be tho

do you have any best friends that you only know online? i know ppl just online, they’re not bffs tho

is it okay for people to cheat if it’s only online? its not okay to cheat in any snse

are you interested in anime? DBZ, KIND OF. if that counts?

do you have a favorite youtuber or do you not watch much youtube? i have few favs, but i still dont watch it too much

have you ever given a tattoo before and would you like to? i have given one actually

have you ever made out in a hot tub? dont think i’ve ever been in a hot tub

ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? when i was pregnant lmao

what was the name of the last video game you played? COD

what is your favorite elvis song? i dont listen to music that far back. don’t have anything against elvis tho lmao

what is the last tattoo you got? my sons feet on my back

what would you say is your guiltiest pleasure? food.

do you let your pets on your furniture? would if i had a pet and my own furniture as long as they didn’t shed a lot

do you enjoy your job? if unemployed, are you content being so? I’m pretty content with being unemployed, i hate working and i love being a stay at home mom

what is something you have given a lot of thought to lately? how bad i need to get this tax money, get the fuck outta this county, and get over some feelings.

what is your favorite christmas movie? A Christmas Story.

what do you think of your best friend’s ex? uhm, i didn’t really know him.

are you biracial? noo.

be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? or are they actually not worthy of your affections? this is a hard question to answer for my situation

would you ever wear black lipstick? do you know anyone who does? hell nah.

if you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark color or a light? and if you wear mascara, what color is it? no mascara. light collored eye shadow, brings out my green eyes.

what was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Skittles

are you any good with kids? i got a one so yah.

have you seen the last person you kissed without a shirt on? Yup

do you like watching jerry springer? Not anymore

have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend? Nooooo

have you ever unbuttoned your ex’s pants? well yah

have you ever deleted your facebook, then brought it back? mhm

have you ever kissed someone who smokes weed? yes

what’s your favorite brand of peanut butter? Is there brands other than jiffy?

do you have a thing for shy/awkward hot guys? well yeah, im not picky tho. just be nice and sweet and not a fuckboy

what’s your favorite lunchables meal? double cheese pizza

have you ever eaten at golden corral? fav buffet

do you ever decide to just dance crazy to a favorite song? sometimes when i’m really happy

have you ever watched fireworks with someone you loved? mhm

are you good at memorizing phone numbers? i am.

do you like men who have a sensitive side? yeah

have you ever used glitter as one of your makeup items? only makeup i mostly use is eyeliner

do you keep a memo book/agenda? I need to

is there a song in a different language that you can sing? None.

what was the most expensive thing someone bought you? probably north face jacket and uggs.

how do you feel about bands that use pyrotechnics in live concerts? It’s cool.

is there anyone on your facebook friends list that you dislike? why do you dislike them? some are annoying, but i dont dislike anyone

have you ever tasted baby food? how about pet food? both. they’re nasty

have you ever thought about what you might call your children? or, if you already have children, what are their names? alexander.

where is the person you would most like to see, or most like to be with? fuck guys

find 5 people on your facebook friends list, whose name begins with K. who are these people, and how did you meet them?

Kristin: my cousin

Kim:my half sister

Krysta:my main bitch

Kaitlyn: grade school/cheerleading

Kathy: my ex husbands friends wife.

is there a person that you can go to in sweats, and still feel comfy? Plenty.

do you think the last person you kissed is nice? fuck him.

how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? trust no mf..

how far away is the last person you kissed? about 20 ft.

have you ever had a teacher that was like a second mom to you? nope

have you ever been in a school talent show? what for? nope.

was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? som mystery novel ider.

would you prefer to go out on a fancy date or just chill in his house? It depends on my mood. I like doing both.

do you enjoy long car rides? Sometimes.

do you ever wish you could live on a farm? Nope.

do you know how to play poker? hell yeah used to kick ass

have you ever had an ear infection? Not that i remember of

what color is your favorite bra? #nobralife

what was the name of your first boyfriend? nathan.

have you ever dated someone more than three years older than you? Not yet.

have you ever dated someone a year younger than you? i think so.

have you ever dated someone of another race? nope

do you enjoy eating veggies? ewh

are you attracted to the last person you exchanged numbers with? i dont have a number to exchange

what do you think of country music? some of its good.

do you think pigs are cute or ugly? Grown pigs aren’t the cutest animal out there… but as babies, they’re cute.

did any of your friends lose their virginity before they were 16? if so, did you feel pressured to do the same? lol. i think all my friends has sex at 16 or younger. and i lost mine at 14 so

what kind of home would you like? idc as long as i owned it

did you ever build furniture forts as a child? yassss

what kind of dog is your favorite? teacup yorkies

have you ever considered dropping acid? thought bout it

describe your music style: rap/hiphop/alternative

are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? I write my uncle in jail every week. another uncle comes visits me and my grandma a couple times a week, so. bout it.

have you ever had a seizure? No.

do you plan on losing weight any time soon? hopefully gain.

what was your gpa in high school? 3.5

if you have a favorite television show, who’s your favorite character? shameless. uhhh, i love all the gallaghers

what is your favorite book series, if you have one? I don’t have one.

have you ever had a parasite before? Nope.

do you enjoy listening to older music? Sure.

have you been to disney world before? i will someday

have you ever met someone who was really racist before? Unfortunately, yes.

if you could be a disney character for a day, who would you be? i dont like the disney characters

would you ever want to swim with sharks? i cant swim so i’d either die instantly from being eaten or drown

what was the last thing that made you laugh? I have no idea.

ever used a bow and arrow? Yes.

occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? astronomer, veternarian…

tea or coffee? Coffee.

opinions on sex before marriage? do it. fuck arriage

who was the hottest teacher you ever had? freshman year there was this math teacher who was super hot and i think he transferred cause i kept flirting lmao

have you ever walked on a beach at night? nah.

when was the last time you baked something? did it turn out good? chicken pot pie homemade, it was amazing. couple weeks ago

do you think some of the stuff we’re taught in school is useless? almost all of it

why do we put the clocks one hour forward or one hour back? daylight savings time.

what song really gets to your heart and inspires you? I’m not sure.

do you have fireflies around where you live, or do you wish you did? I think there are fireflies around here…

what commercial do you wish they kept playing? hate commericals.

what current commercial is your favorite? I don’t watch enough TV to know of any good, current commercials.

if you could have played in any movie, what movie would it be? Magic mike 2, would’ve ayed the girl who got the lapdance at the end.

did you used to do easter egg hunts when you were a child? Yes! i loved them

what would you rather live by: highway, train tracks or airport? ive lived by train tracks before, so them.

do you believe that ‘hate’ really is a strong word? I guess. Maybe not anymore

if you have facebook, are you guilty of fanning countless things? mhmm

as a kid, did you love playing on neopets? Not really. i was too poor for that shit

do you often get bitten by mosquitoes, or rarely ever? hardly ever anymore

what’s your opinion on plastic surgery? ever thought about getting it? i’m getting a boob job one day, i’ve said it since i was in grade school..

do you own any feathers? tf kinda question is this lmao no.

do you have a skype? nope

the last person you had a thing with comes up to you and says “i’m sorry”? he said sorry earlier but it dont mean shit so i just continuted crying.

where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? ive never really had a romantic dinner

do you get mad when your current bf/gf talks about an ex? when my ex did that i did. but im singleee now

do you know anybody who was abused? me, a couple ppl i know.

do you start feeling really gross if you don’t shower after one day? sometimes

do you pee a lot more after you’ve drank a caffeinated beverage? i pee about 2-3 times a day. only pee more when i start drinking alcohol

waiting for something? my life to get itself together.

who is your last received call from? grandma.

how do you pronounce the name Sean when you come across it in text… “shawn” “sheen” or “shane”? ”Shawn.”

wouldn’t it be EXTREMELY weird if someone fell in love with you after reading your answers to this survey? kinda.

who is the next person you’ll hold hands with? nofuckingbody.

have you ever pole danced before? id like to.

what is something you used to be afraid of, but aren’t anymore? i dunno.

do you believe your dreams have any real meaning? sometimes. i took a nap earlier and i dreamed of snake and bugs and i looked it up and it said that something in my life was bothering me, which is true so..

what do you think of guys who ask girls out over via text message or internet? pathetic.

do you drink more apple or orange juice? apple

do you recall the first time that you learned the truth about sex? i reaked out. then got curious

do you find extreme body builders’ bodies to be attractive? ewh no

does it bug you when people go ‘mhm’ all the time when you’re talking? kinda

are your parents religious? they were yeah. not super holy rollers but they believed in god yeah.

what is your favorite hostess/little debbie snack? swiss rolls, honey buns

do you find it rude when you offer someone something and they decline? Nah

do you think benedict cumberbatch is hot? who

favorite disney princess? none

does your sibling have a significant other? dont have a sibiling

do you have any american girl dolls in your house? fuck dolls

have you ever gotten in trouble at school for wearing revealing clothes? yup

are you borrowing books from anybody at the moment? Nope.

have your parents ever questioned your virginity? i told my mom after it happened, she cried but after that didn’t care, my dad never asked

roleplaying is super lame, agreed? It’s not my thing, but people can do what they want.

how’re you feeling right now? I’m done crying and i just feel empty, and kinda mad and just wanna get my money and go.

does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No

is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? Yes.

are you prone to illness? used to be

are you on birth control? bout to change it but yeah

how bad are heartbreaks? unbearable sometimes

has a song ever given you an orgasm? uhm no.

have you ever made out in your room? last time? i dont have a room.

if the last person that you kissed said they wanted to marry you, what would you say? lolololol. we already are.

do you like your eyes? I do.

are you attracted to the last person that you fell in love with? Yah

do you have a big butt? Not anymore

would you be a good salesperson? helll no

do you like hot sauce? if yes, what do you usually put it on? nope .

can you do the ‘emo hair flip’? used to be able to

do you know anyone that has dimples? alex.

would you ever make out in front of your best friend? i think i have

anything physically wrong right now? nope.

ever had sex under water? No.

the last person you kissed on the lips said that you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? no

you’re having twins. what’s your first reaction? freak the fuck out

did your first love love you back? why hell no

do you have scars on your wrists? mhm

do you like fedoras? Lmao, no.

have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? what ive been doing the last couple ights but hasnt helped

is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist? idts

is there a band/artist who has strange lyrics but you love them anyway? probably

does your optimism sometimes hurt you? yah

have you ever painted a piece of furniture? mhm

do you believe the fortunes in fortune cookies? Nah

what do you prefer more: waffles or pancakes? Waffles!

did you love playing hide and seek as a kid? Yes my fav

got plans after you finish this? sleep

did you ever dream that you had a baby? Yes.

have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Not pretty enough for that shit

did you sleep alone? I slept alone in my bed last night, but Mahima and Adrika were sleeping in the same room.

does your best friend approve of the last person you kissed? probably dont care

where is the last person you kissed at this moment? In his bed.

describe your dream girl/guy? fuck guys

been arrested? for what? I’ve never been arrested.

tell us the story of your first kiss? it kinda just happened in the middle of class,

do you sleep with stuffed animals? I have one stuffed animal that I keep in my bed with me.

how many stuffed animals do you think you have? used to have a lot but one now

favorite character from finding nemo? dory

how long does it typically take you to get over people? depends

are you stressed out? always

so tell me one interesting thing about yourself. im an emotional wreck

do you own a trenchcoat? Nope.

have you ever owned a tire swing? no

do you have a nervous twitch? Nope

are you currently listening to music? no

is it easy to get a job where you live? im in cc rn, and its not. but in indy it is. .

is your signature legible? it is, and pretty too .

was the last time you cried because you were angry? inbetween angry, sad, empty, not feeling good enough. .

is there an animal that scares you? snakes, spiders, anything big enough to hurt and eat me

are you any good at video games? helll yahh.

has a jehovah’s witness ever showed up on your doorstep? mhm

do you have a step parent? I dont even have parents anymore..

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calvinlepesh · 5 years

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yes here you go

Workcrew immediately for incompletion of the run is common for new kids and previous strugglers. Workcrew is named so because it makes u do nothing because u cant do something so instead of WORKing on something because u suck at that you literally work doing nothing. You have to work to keep yourself entertained. Work to keep yourself from going insane looking at that orange peel textured wall. Yikes. work to not fucking freeze too jesus fucking christ fuck whoever controlled the thermostat. just saying. Sure they didnt know or didnt care but fuck them for that. anyway. After the run you come inside go back to ur room if ur not on workcrew you chill for a few minutes while the chef is done cooking for the entire facility. Obvisouly being on wprl crew You dont eat whatever everyone else eats they work they get reward u no work no reward. oats and water and those fucking goddamn apples. fuck They're probably eating some kickass breakfest burrito or A nice blue berry muffin with yogurt. actually I know and still know the food schedule for breakfest and lunch for everyday of the week. It hardly change and very slightly if ever. So i knew what I could've been eating worst part about it is they eat literally inches from you. Your back facing them listening to them eat and salvate smelling all the condiments and fresh bacon. Waiting patiently for all the other students to finish their meals and wash their dishwear and go to their rooms only after do they. Give you your W/C meal. Oats and water fuck me. The worst part about it was after awhile I got so skinny that parker had me start eating a bowl of oatmeal with every meal this is when i was doing decently well but still being full of shit just not as much. But the worst part was I got 2 bowls of it while all other w/c got 1 And i started to even like it. Almost as if my taste buds had adapted over awhile to enjoy the oats. fuck those apples tho sometimes they were a 3 out of 10. best compliment I can give there sorry not sorry. anyway eat ur meal. its time for group. Group is when the entire facility all families and w/c and parker the director sit down commonly in a circle with parker in a chair and the students on the floor but before I left They had been consistently all in the life timechairs except parker who stood at the front of the main room with the students in a movie theatur like fashion without the leveled tiers obviously. but in order of w/c to family 1-5 so work crew being at the very front right feet from parker. During group we would review issues regarding anything and i mean anything wrong with the facility or the students and staff inside of it. It is encouraged and heavily peer supported to tell on each other and to work on themselves and not let anybody even other students or roomates get in your way. WORK ON YOURSELF by Sourrounding yourself with people on the same mission as you and who do the things to suggest they are going to continue to stay on that mission was a huge message that was pushed in a variety of ways at liahona. through team building exercises, group discussion and definitely confrontation. It is common for students to lash out when they're new. Probably cause they're from California and think these motherfuckers cant do shit to me im a minor. Think again, welcome to Southern buttfuck nowhere Literally sand mountains mars-looking Hurricane Utah. Body slam ur bitchass for acing outta line. Talking back blatent disrespect and obviously anything suggesting possilbe physical or verbal outbreak resulted in a restaint. Most staff would warn u like chill out orim gonna put u on the ground. And you'd get in trouble just for that. Sometimes even a little more secretly I think for not following through. but maybe not considering its a change in behavior. im sure it could be situational. Regardless. back to the story. group typically lasted an hour or so sometimes would watch a documentary afterwards sometimes even a movie however those became quite rare as the students or cycle in. Called generations of students. I was the last of my generation for a good amount of time towards the end of my stay at liahona. Depressing very much so. Watching people who go there a year after u graduate before you. U began to believe those insecurities more and more. and if you have struggle throughout your life with putting negative energy in the universe in the form of speech by conversion of energy to your body which is apart of the universe. i know alittle hard to follow but bear with me and try your best. After group you'd either get on or off of work crew based on how well u did at nothing and the little something u do such as workouts the morning run how u address staff members how even how frequent you use the bathroom to see if ur trying to get up. What was cool at Liahona was doing what you were told. being obiedient at all times immediately and when you do fuck up take the mistake and turn it into success instead of letting it slow you down as a failure. With such a poor mindset at Liahona especially towards the middle of my stay. I stayed at level 1 for 16 months. Probably a record not really a bragging thing tho. The point is I sucked at being a normal ass human. Full of attitude and was disobiedent with little to no respect given off the bat to any adult. Like I was the shit... When you're the shit you don't have the same problems that people who arent the shit have correct. So tying all the way back to the hospital metaphor with my secret broken leg. Honestly was probably secret to me as receiving the injuries throughout critical young developmental stages. I had alot of problems being honest because I was the shit and the shit wasnt supposed to be doing all this disgusting and sad. self demeaning outragous nasty stuff. thats all im gonna say. currently. im not ready to open up about my full past for i feel currently it lays at rest where it belongs until decieded otherwise by me. Now.. where were me. I was the shit. after coming out with stuff half assed in anattempt to still look kinda like the shit. they caught me on my bullshit and I spilled the beans. No longer was I the shit. I was shit. They broke me down emotionally. Making me write my story over and over again my entire life all the things I had ever done wrong. Each time I either came out with something new or changed something becasue everything I told my therapist was true but skewed and I lost track of my story. I had fucked myself and they gave me the rope to do it because they wanted me to earn my coniquences no have them given to me based on a hunch. I fucked myself. and unfortunately it was just he beginning for my emotional workouts. For the next two years. I trecked on. Fast forward july 2016 Im level 4 shadowing a new student with a level 3. us three since we are shadowing can talk in the room about rules only and how to teach them. while having our responsibilities with the quote aswell. at this point I could memorize anything. Memorized some crazy shit honestly wish that the content of the quote was more useful in a sense of remembering important things. or things that are commonly remembered by some idk. the point is we were aloud to talk about rules only. this didnt stay over time after me doing well getting to level fucking 4 this was huge for me and I had gotten comfortable and complacent in my position halting any further actions towards bettering myself everyday. exactly what they don't want you to do. We ended up flying our shadow solo which means hes a level one and we cant talk to him anymore and its cbo. basically hes in the big leagues now. But the level 3 and the other roommate who wasnt aloud to talk but was in the room while we shadowed the new student literally everyday for a month or two. And we all started breaking CBO together. basically we literally talked. about any and everything. Eventually getting comfortable doing that after a week or so couldnt have been too much longer than a week or two before guess who our same shadowed new student turns us in... Just like we had taught him to do. He was rewarded heavily. This was 1 july 2016. the 4th was parkers fav holiday does a shit ton of fun shit for everybody and everybody can talk water balloon fights watermelon eating contest hot dogs play basketball freely. fucking board games bro straight up. I had been at Liahona at this time for 2 about to be 3 Fourth of julys at Liahona and they just got better and better problem was I spent all 3 on work crew. top that off I spent all of July and into August on workcrew. It started off as suicide watch run risk and do nothing. literally as worse at it got. You can use the bathroom and sit in this chair. and you can sleep on this mattress with the fans and AC on with no blankets or pillows. So It stayed like that for a week. Miserable completely miserable. I had finally started doing well got to level fucking four and im on work crew do nothing sui watch run risk and Ive been here for two years sleeping in the commons with no blanket or pillows shivering. Ill still never forget that day parker said I could choose to have a blanket or a pillow. FUCK U THINK? blanket. ez. I was literally giggling with joy that night under its warmth. That whole month slowly and slowly got increasingly easier on work crew and I didnt know why I was even still on It'd been a fucking month this was august 1st. The next day august 2nd 2016 Parker comes in and tells me im finally leaving. This was a really big day for me and brings to me currently some very strong emotions of relief and regret. For I hadn't completely wasted my time at Liahona but then again I typically in the past back then never completed anything. And honestly that is one of my bullshit things that I say to myself. and still have some belief in for good reason to gain perspective from it. Because unfortunately there are things in this world that are bad but also true. Thats just the way things work. There is good in bad and bad in good always. It may be hard to find or the pros out weigh the cons or vice versa. I see the bad, me not taking very good advantage at all of what Liahona had to offer for me at all times. However still gaining from it which is good aswell of course. But the bad being I did waste alot of my time. Now am I completely to blame for the duration of my time there. Yes because I made the decisions that led to me having to be there longer. honestly cause I needed to be there longer. Maybe a slight tiny bit of blame on my father for neglect to anextent of course when it came to life rules and making sure I know and remember them. But at the end of the day I kept myself on the wall and I have taken responsibility and if I havent i will now. I fucked up at liahona and I caused myself to be there for aslong as I was obviously not intentionally but for some reason. Cause I hated myself and nobody felt bad for me. I nolonger desire that attention. Because I know that If that attention is given to me in the quantity desired and by the form of attention inwhich idesired. Would inturn keep me immature as im hiding and nesting away from my feelings rather than pour them out and release the hate and sadness because its no good. it does no good besides grant perspective both to yourself and others. I never brag about giving to the homeless. Truly the reason I bring it up is because I may not have been homeless for very long or hadn't been homeless without atleast a couch or a garage to sleep in. But after enduring just that water down verison of being homeless. I know they need that damn money more than I do. Im not going to be unreasonable and give him everything I have on my card. but typically I give them at the minimum a cig if they want one and a conversation just cause people need to talk to people. whether they're drunk or not sad or happy talking turns our feelings into reality based on what you desire long term and short term almost combined in a way. You can switch up long term desires such as careers and lifestyles however it is not recommended. However also if you are still in a somewhat content mindset settling for like85 percent full on ur content scale. And this is what you need a little change up. Then by all means switch but keep the short term desires because those need to work first. Before you even decide what you want from life and ur existance ask yourself am I happy? If you are not atleast somewhat content with who you are an individual currently. You need to follow what I told you earlier. You need to dig deep in your heart and soul and mind. Focus on the center of your chest. thats where i feel my soul communicate to me. And i search it with my mind sending inquizitive thoughts to it for its response. Your body is a rosetta stone in a way for literal human communication (speech) and the vibrations of the universe. And vice versa. your body picks up things from the universe and world that it tells u. Maybe gut feelings? Hunches? A strong feeling for no reason??? EVERYTHING HAS A REASON. And if it isn't this than prove it to me. It proves itself and you can try it for yourself. Find contentment in your preplanned manifestation that we call "The Universe" by recognizing both your current insignificance in the real world possibly currently or maybe never; never in your mind atleast. But also your significance in how much control you have just because of what fucking species you are and all the things you can learn. Know you have significance because this is your world and you already chose how your life is going to end. What will last for you what won't. Because somebody (you u idiot) set it up to happen that way. Say you think im full of shit and just crazy. Let me ask you.... Lets just say for shits and giggles then, that you are God/ superior being so to speak. And you created everything we have ever known. Planets, plants, rocks .people communication, every conversation. EVERY FUCKING EVERYTHING WAS MADE BY YOU. so with that in mind given that and the vast amount of knowledge that comes with some power.literally unimaginable because we cant EVEN FUCKING COMPREHEND it. ie You as God know that all good must have evil. So you realize large world thats actually rather small in comparison to alot of other fucking planets. Maybe it makes some people feel inferior maybe it turns people towards hate. But you decieded we're going to make a little safe haven whenthis random motherfucker wants to see if the world is flat. Killed all the indians. negative. USA positive. Rev war possibly hardcore karma for killing indians unlikely but it always is anyways. we win rev war Now we are free. Put Lepesh in free nation in 1999. He reconizes the power of the mind body and soul combined in the trinity. And wants to spread the message that you too can be happy. the suffering can end. Ive been diagonosed with depression add adhd odd ocd ptsd abcd u fucking name it. And they made a killing off of my parents. Granted I was a very problematic child so they started taking me in at a young age. over time with people telling me whats wrong with me. Yeah ima tell them to fuck off cause Im living the life i want to live. I may not know the consiquences are for me choosing to live like such. But I will and When I do I will weild that power given to me in knowledge and spread to you my wisdom. Speech isnt the only way to manifest things into your reality. Any human contact that can be described by and spoken with our apparently primitive words of any language. YOU MUST MEAN HOW YOU FEEL Currently this is my world and universe because I value very few things about myself in the grand scheme of everything. Given that wouldn't I want the one thing I value a great deal to succeed and fulfill his dreams and have a goodass life? So thats what this mindset program will do. Others will use it becuase their kids are driving them up the walls and they just can't do it anymore. They're about to throw in the towel and don't know what to do anymore. Maybe its for somebody looking for love and they need to realize that u literally must love urself first. You cannot give what you donot already have. Unless you promiss to give which is an entire other problem in itself given that you can never give the love you want to give because you must find it for yourself by dedicating large amounts of time to yourself over time which you cannot do if ur constantly giving your feeling of infatuation and potential 'promise love' IE I promise you one day Ill love you but right now I cant cause I dont love myself. But I promise I will love myself but u wont. U simply wont. Until you learn your worth which by the fucking way bro. straight the fukc up listen. By the way. you decide your worth. The way you decide to change your worth is by finding the opposing core belief about urself the angelic side the white fluffy this is who I truly am side. The I wanna die fuck everything not even worth it this world isnt worth bringing anybody into is bullshit. However nesscessary for a short period for perspective and experiential sake. Bullshit. You manifested bullshit told to you over time in different ways. almost like taking pieces of gum out from underneath tables accorss every resturant you go through for example ur entire life. making a big ball of gross bullshit told to you in the forms of verbal abuse sexual physical. just bullshit. Best thing about bullshit is that it is always bad. The only good in the bad of bullshit is that it give great perspective and it helps this rant lol. Anyways, Realize that angelic force you hold and listen to your mind and heart tell you what you already know. and put it into action by reminding yourself about it as much as possible until its all you really think about. You'll notice key changes in yourself. Keep in mind these some of these effects happened immediately some over time some after forgetting my worth some during forgetting my worth.For myself after finding myself again focusing on the bullshit that isnt true. Radical difference in hesitation to speak to people. and to even what im going to speak. I used to care about everything and project that I care about nothing. It was fucking stupid sad and pretty pathetic actually. very sad now that I think about it. Pretending almost in a way. Sag my pants wear dark and almost shady clothing. ears pierced, quit sports, smoke weed, everything to say I don't give a fuck about anything at all ever and never will. I did it and said it. Of course with periods of absolute disbelief and saddness for I knew the whole time I was living a bullshit fabricated lie that directly stemmed from my self esteem issues and uncertainty in myself and the universe. Im very grateful for my current state of being however unsober. very very helpful and a clear message from myself that I believe I know what I need to do. Or what I want to do. But how? Im not worried about why because Its impossible and highly unlikely that the reason presents itself so early. And so it has before but many a few times and such a long time inbetween instances its almost radical to gamble on such things. Might aswell waste my time doing jack shit sitting on the fucking wall for no reason. Im going to end this in the same fashion I started it to an extent. Unexpected and unrehearsed and will summarize in steps how use this Mindset Program I designed to help those capable enough to over come depression and treat general unhappiness with the combined power of your heart mind and soul. Idk but i wasnt specifically planning on making a book for financial gain although it was a large contributing factor. and I as I sit here and think about what I typed it doesn't matter. Because regardless of what happens I wanted it to so it will in the exact way I want it to effect me. if at all idk if i will lol. Crazy man lifes a trip. I need money and i dont deserve it but I can say confidently currently right this moment I would spend my money according to what I desire in the long term. And it would help me start that journey so I may learn more. and continue to better myself as an individual everyday. or at the very least do something that shows im a good person. In this world you have to keep your guard up not always but typically a great majority of the time. Given that, it's not hard to see why nobody trusts anybody on anything anymore. For a long time and still to this day a vast majority of humans have and will continue to act good but do bad consistently. They have simply been worshiping there bullshit thoughts. The best thing you can do for such a person who has potentially lost all hope. Or is on that path or near the end of it. Let that person know you love them. Only do so if you mean what you say tho. If you mean the words and they are looking at you when you say it. They will straight the fuck up feel your love. Might not be a fucking serotonin shot but its a little love that they will feel and remind them. Its never too late to change your mindset and find empathy for yourself and the world. Here are the current Finalized step by step instructions on how to use my newly developed highly successful Mindset Program. Guarenteeed to bring about contentment and feelings of joy to those who complete and follow these steps completely... 1.)FIRST OFF DO NOT READ THIS SHIT IF YOU AREN'T OPEN-MINDED OR YOU'LL NEVER HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN IT AGAIN, WAIT UNTIL YOU GET YOURSELF ATLEAST SOMEWHAT UNDERCONTROL.2.)EMPATHY Either Already have or Develop a very hardcore understanding and knowledge of empathy by having gratitude through perspective that you must gain. Gaining perspective can happen in a number of ways. The misfortunate are a great way to lead you to happiness. By giving away your money need it or not. who needs it more. and what are they spending it on. If you were homeless outside in january wouldnt you want to be drunk? you were gonna buy a steak and lobster dinner that night anyway even if you didnt have the 10$ cash you gave to Michael by the dumpster. That inturn puts you indebt in a way to the universe. Almost saying this guy will get something good from this at some point in his life. Could be your friend buying your next meal or an invitation to a crazy party. who knows and who knows when its going to happen. we don't the beauty of it is that you know its coming in some shape or form. infact it might have already paid its debt by making you feel better when you did it???? Put yourself in less fortunate peoples shoes. Take acid as much as you can within reason obviously you don't wanna end up fried as fuck. But definitely trip balls man go learn about yourself and the world. Acid is a key to more knowledge. You swim in it but its like trying to bring water (the knowledge) with you when you get out of the pool. You can never even get close to obtaining all of that knowledge. I just needed enough to know that my life isn't completely fucking worthless cause I truly can control my life and you can control yours. Is so empowering to see it happen first hand. To see success finally coming and showing itself after all this time. The worst part is I knew all of this shit long ago. I was told this stuff in Liahona and They knew we didn't fully get it yet. Now I get it. Finally. wtf. I can control my own life.3.)SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH YOUR MIND. Literally ask yourself questions like a literal one sided conversation. Ask yourself. What do I desire in my life most? For me? Wife car house maybe a farm cat dog fucking dont care whatever she wants the house to look like. two cars actually. I want a boat. and a stable well paying job and some kickass kids. When do I want it to happen. I decided that before I was here. Because I was apart of the aliens maybe idk lol just a thought. Maybe they let me choose they were like yo man this is where ur coming into this planet. they're dumb but think they're really smart and theres lots of chaos they're pretty bad animals i know its a bad gig to send you into but if you like what you can make happen go for it. I wouldn't come into this world unless I knew that things would work out for me at some point. and idk if today is the day but ive realized again what I had already realized but soon forgotten about over a month after. Either from complacentcey or just down right bad memory. Either way I forgot the path and Now I am back.4.)YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE GOOD IN THE BAD AND THE BAD IN THE GOOD For example, for me my bads are so seldom compared to what some people across the universe go through on a daily basis. I have it so good already. Now compared to the rest of my country.. yeah Im not doing very well financially or on some of the selfs. I have the mental capcity and emotional knowledge and strength currently developed from years of deep depression and sadness. Drug abuse and wanting to be numb. Wanting to die or hurt myself. Here I am reconizing the bad in my life the symptoms of listening and believing other peoples bullshit. Reconizing that the bullshit isnt true and was never true. sometimes reconizing a genreal date that you remember yourself starting to believe what people bullshit to you about yourself. Maybe you remember how you felt about yourself before someone called you fat or ugly or hurt u in some way. Remember previous relationships that have cut u deep over time and may even hurt a bit to think about. Remember the fighting and bullshit. But most importantly remember the good times. Ive caught myself many times forgetting the numerous good times had with previous loved ones in almost a desperate attempt to save yourself. Its a protection tactic that completely stops any and all emotional grow. The only way you get stronger is if you do the work. Just like at the gym the only way you get a ripped ass chest or a 6 pack is by doing the fucking work and lifting it. There is no short cut that is worthwhile longterm. Roids give you boobs and shrink ur balls now ur shot on the kids Idea cause u tried to take a shortcut. Same with emotions. using heroin was a big thing for me for awhile i was at a point where I knew it was stopping me from growing emotionally. Because it doesn't allow you to feel anything. you feel numb you don t care. when I took heroin I felt like I really was who I said I was. I overdosed a few months ago and died onheroin. started using again a couple days later. I stopping in November and id be lying if I said it wasnt brutal. so sure I tried to numb the pain with other things. Alcohol is a big one coke, meth, lots and lots of weed, anything that would or could alter my mind besides heroin is what Ive been doing. Now none of these things are beneficial in the long term except for weed and acid maybe coke if the universe allows it. The opportunity that you desire would not present itself to you without you first creating the desire. I have a desire for drugs. So I have drugs. But Im at the very least smart enough to realize that heroin is if not a complete block of emotions pretty damn fucking close to it. which allows for significantly less emotion growth through the actual feeling of your feelings and emotions. Another big thing that can help is talking about what you discovered about yourself all the bullshit you believed and the statements you have in place to replace them. My previous statement for example Im a fucking loser thats never going to amount to shit. My angelic statement, I've made many mistake and failures in my life at a young age that I wouldn't trade for the world for they have development me into me. You've made it this far havent you?5.) USE YOUR TRINITY TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE STARTING BY FINDING WHAT WORKS FOR YOU TO HAVE A CONSTANT REMINDER. Basically this means find a way to take your new angelic statement created from the good inside the bad and either associate that statement to whatever you see best fit. For example. I have an alarm in the morning that reads! Choose to be happy! with some other notes aswell. And I read that I think to myself. Its a choice. I can use my mind to change my reality over time based on how I feel. I DONT HAVE TO BE SAD ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE THE DESIRES IN MY LIFE THAT PULL ME TOWARDS THEM THROUGH MY DECISIONS AND ACTIONS CURRENTLY.

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