#probably why my ex gf questioned if I'm always telling the truth

[ano-po]

Just heard the Eddie Garcia Bill today (RIP King), and this reminded me of that time a film maker was invited to talk at our high school for our literature classes and he proudly showed his disturbing piece.

The short film was titled "The Compound" and it was pretty disturbing for high schoolers, but I don't remember our teachers handling the aftermath. So the film started with a bunch of big stars in a dark room, and they were being yelled, "Hubad! Hubad!" by a bunch of people from all corners. They were all in fear as they took off their clothes, completely nude! Only small rays from the flashlights are there, and sometimes, they were pointed at their faces. One unknown girl showed Glaiza de Castro a twenty pesos and shouted "Eto lang ang halaga mo sa compound!"

The filmmaker cut it to that, and proudly told us that they woke up those big stars at 4-5am in the morning. They were disoriented as the whole crew and the other unknown actors shouted "Hubad! Hubad!" at them, their expressions of fear were real! They stripped because they were scared. He went on to blab about the artistry, about invoking raw emotions from the actors, about cinema!

And I was there, a high schooler, sitting while not fully processing the short film for my young mind was too disturbingly absorbent. I was still pretentious about being an artist, pretending I appreciate the artistry of dark indie films, but that... that put a stop to it. It wasn't even a compelling film. Cinematography sucks. It looks like a budget film made by pretentious college kids who just wanna see naked people. Imagine being one of those big big stars who were traumatized by that filming, and for what? For a trashy end product?? And you cannot complain because The Director is King and you might be branded as someone 'who does not appreciate art'? And you have to keep it to your heart because you don't want people to actually see that film, it's just a short film anyway, not on cinemas. If you whistleblow, people might deliberately search for it. But no! A stupid director goes around schools showing it to high school students!

We needed that Eddie Garcia Bill. Because there are people out there who think they can power trip actors in the name of art. And the "Art" in question isn't even that good.

[thefudge]

hi dr.fudge, i'm probably gonna send this on anon coz while I'm not ashamed of feeling the things I'm feeling (when I can recognise whatever it is I'm feeling. Which is not easy for me to do) - I think discretion would be best. So...question is...how do u deal with jealousy? I want everyone to succeed&imhappy when others r happy, so when jealousy DOES crop up (in terms of career/success/ not love life blegh) it unbalances me. do u ever feel jealous? how do u process/get over it/deal? plz advise

ohhh, i feel jealous all the friggin time ALL THE TIME

and i don’t know if it’s always bad. i know we’re told it’s the most toxic feeling in the world, but at the end of the day it’s inevitable. you gotta live with it somehow. ignoring it won’t help. sometimes feelings of admiration and awe aren’t pure (more like never), sometimes even when i support someone and want them to succeed i feel like i should be succeeding a lil more etc. and this is because we live in a world where resources, both material and emotional, are limited and we are told from infancy that we have to get a slice of that before someone else does. success culture is endemic. i mean i’m in academia, jealousy is a goddamn currency here. few ppl talk about it, but we all know the truth. there’s always one colleague who has published more, has more academic clout, is doing more fun stuff with the students, is better liked, knows more than you, makes u feel like a failure etc. and just saying that you support them and want to learn from them is lovely, but the whole “let’s inspire each other instead of resent each other” doesn’t 100% work. a lot of run-of-the-mill feminism is rooted in this kind of sisterhood. but sometimes you just gotta SAY IT, you gotta let it out, at least admit it to yourself “person X makes me feel bad about myself”. yeah sure, you have the power to change how they make you feel, but it’s okay to feel bad, to feel unbalanced, to sit with it and think about it. sometimes you will feel inspired and motivated to do better in your own life and you’ll think about all you’ve achieved etc, but sometimes you’ll just mope and ignore the good things and i think we have the right to do that. i don’t like that kind of self-help attitude where you just have to “focus on you” or “compete only with yourself” or whatever. that’s not reality. you are focusing on you even when you are thinking about others. sure, we shouldn’t be consumed by these feelings, but acknowledging them and living with them is normal. 

i think shows like crazy ex-gf or russian doll put it best, in that you’re probably never going to stop feeling negative things but you can learn how to deal with them as they come and approach them as parts of you that don’t need to be removed on pain of death 

so i guess that’s how i approach it. for a long time i felt bad about jealousy, just as you do. and my behavior worsened the more i tried to suppress it and put a positive spin on it. that’s when i started applying the notion that jealousy doesn’t always come from a toxic place, but you can make it really toxic by trying to deny its inevitable hold on you. no, i don’t think there are ppl out there who’ve never felt jealousy/envy, and if they tell you that, they’re full of shit lol. honestly, the really great relationships/friendships are all about that messy grey area where you can talk about feelings of jealousy, where it doesn’t take away from the admiration and support and love etc. i’m not always there with my own friendships/relationships but i’m trying lol 

and even when you can’t communicate it, just let yourself feel it, examine it, make it a little friendlier. “yeah, i’m jealous, it kinda sucks. i want a thing i can’t have, or i’d like to be like person X, and i don’t have that, and i’m not”. or “i can’t be fully happy for someone, it kinda sucks, but i’m thinking about it. i’m thinking of their happiness and my happiness and why this matters.” just let yourself feel it without shame, because the more you domesticate it, the less important it’ll seem, the less it will weigh on you. hope that helps! 

(and thx for the question! i love talking about this, incidentally)

[queensgaybeach1d]

Hello angel. I just wanted to say that after the article... I'm kinda confused about Larry... Larry has been my one true belief for years now. In fact... Louis and Harry are the ones who made me comfortable enough with my sexuality to come out. But... Harry speaks about his ex girlfriend and.... idk I don't want to... disrespect him or invalidate him (though I know that my judgement means absolutely nothing to him. Why should it?) By insisting that Larry is real when rn it just seems like it's..

2: ... so far from the truth. I'm in a weird head space right now.. god they should have clarified it. If it wasn't real, they should have just said so! Fuck. Okay. That came out wrong. I understand that they owe us nothing, they have no obligations towards us. That's alright. That's how it should be. I'm rambling dumb shit right now. Idk. It doesn't seem like he's very into one person? He just seems to be out there enjoying the company of beautiful people, being lovely, and living his best life?

3: once again, I just don't want to assume anything about what his life is like cuz it's none of my business. I just.. don't know. I'm overwhelmed with something I'm unable to put into words right now. I think I'll take a break from the fandom. I'm exhausted. Everything is a mindfuck. It's not, if you just believe everything you're SUPPOSED to believe. But... I can't? I don't know. Saying that Larry isn't real feels strange cuz what if it is? Saying that it is feels strange cuz what if it's not?

4: Talking about Larry in general feels stupid.. cuz he contains multitudes. And... man I don't know. I'm feeling very very weird right now. The story of his ex gf with the slippers fucked me up and broke my heart somehow? Goddamn I am pathetic L O L. I'll just excuse myself now. Lmao if he saw this whole rant, he'd probably laugh and think I'm pathetic. But hey! Where's the lie.

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Hi my beloved,

First, it truly warms my old heart that 1D made you feel comfortable with your sexuality and coming out. It is such a big step for a person to do so and you did it!! Congrats and it is amazing, you should be so proud of yourself!

Love, the whole interview had one purpose: feeding Harry’s het fandom. They want to make it seem like he‘hates’ 1D and loves to be the sexualised rock N roll icon. I made a post about Hamille and a small debunk:

 https://queensgaybeach1d.tumblr.com/post/187308257569/hey-love-how-are-you-doing-just-curious-because

and 

I absolutely think Harry think about what his fans have to say. He does not take the hate comment to heart and he should not ever do that. Harry does listen to the people who truly care about him and are nice. 

Louis and Harry would have told us if it was not real. It is a simple ‘’NO’’ something Louis and Harry can both do when they deny being engaged to someone or when they deny a relationship. It’s easy, and if it ‘bothers’ them so much why not deny it. Then everyone will stop, perhaps they should stop getting matching tattoos, write obvious songs about each other and give each other heart eyes each time. Maybe they should even try to bring each other up in interviews a bit more, since it seems like they are hiding. You are right when you say they do not owe us anything, but they out themselves and that is why we are here, love. 

I think when you say that Harry does not seem like a person who is in love with one person, you are mistaking him. Do not worry, I think people mistake Harry’s kindness for flirting. When he smiles, he gets dimples and he stares into your eyes with his green ones. People easily mistake that for flirting. Harry is a joyful, happy, quirky and energetic person with everyone who he is comfortable with. For example; James Cordon, Mabel, Mitch, Millie Bobbie Browns mother, Niall Horan, Nick Grimshaw and the Dunkrik cast. He acts very different when it comes to Louis. Harry jokes around with people and you might think that is flirting too, but it is not, love. Harry acts like that with everyone he is comfortable with. He clearly acts different when it comes to Louis. Louis makes him feel all mushy and soft inside. He stares at him and needs to touch him anytime. He is jealous, overprotective and real flirty to Louis. As for him being happy outside 1D, he is that way. He is always bubbly, and sweet. 

Honey, because you are a larrie does absolutely NOT mean that you are SUPPOSED to believe everything most Larries think. As long as you do not buys the stunts or believe one of them fell in love with their beard etc, you’re okay. For example, I believe they took multiple breaks (not an official break up) and got together again. I also believe Louis is super comfortable with his sexuality, whereas a lot of people think he is the one who is scared. You should believe in Larrie, but do not be someone you are actually not. Then, it will go wrong. It looks like you are stuck somewhere in the middle, if there is any way I can help you with that, do not hesitate to tell me ;)

You are not pathetic, love. The slipper story is just like Haylor and their paper airplane necklace. They use it to show it as a sign of their fake relationship. That is how they make fans believe they are real. They always make sure everyone sees it, it is for publicity. They put it in a place in which you can see it. 

Oh, and Harry is not someone to laugh at people is he? ;)

If you feel like you need to take a break from this fandom, go ahead we will wait for you and it is okay. You do not need to get stressed for something like this. You can always ask me questions and other larries. Do not exhaust yourself because of this. Relax, take some time off and do not let it get toxic. Thank you so much for your question, love. It was amazing to talk to you, I mean it!! X