#procrastinating studying for three finals don't mind me...

[chronicallyonlinediaries]

was inspired by tumblr today to rewatch dip and pip play keep talking and no one explodes....i need a bomb diffusing duo au fic 🙏🙏

[babeyun]

on the rebound ☆ p.sh [m]

synopsis: sunghoon doesn't mind babysitting for the neighborhood mothers - but he certainly doesn't mind when a certain eldest daughter is around to be taken care of, too. genre: acquaintances to ???. older!reader moment (because why not, but also it doesn't really come up.) angst, fluff, smut. this porn has plot, damnit! pairing: babysitter!park sunghoon x fem!older!reader ; mentions of heeseung x reader. word count: 6k rating: 18+. minors do not interact. warnings: swearing, alcohol (that they don't even drink LOL) mentions of toxic relationships, rebounds, reader is only older by a year. smut warnings: oral (f. rec),MUNCH!HOON!! PUSSY EATING ENTHUSIAST HOON!!! nipple play, subtle body worship (f. rec), unprotected sex (don't be silly, wrap your willy!), sub!hoon x sub!reader (just trust me), creampie, subtle breeding kink, wayyy too much whining and whimpering, pet names (pretty girl, baby, etc.) listen to: lie to girls - sabrina carpenter ; number one girl - rosé ; wait - dino ; btbt - b.i, soulja boy, devita ; die for you - the weeknd. author's note: this is for all my eldest daughters out there (not me but y'all stay safe!) i whipped this up while i was procrastinating studying for finals...so apologies if it's shitty (because it is shitty.) also, i dog on heeseung SOOO bad but i promise i love him i just needed someone. this being said, happiest birthday hoonie, i love u!

You and Sunghoon weren't strangers, you wouldn't go that far.

However, there was a good reason that you weren't friends – you were never home when he was at your parents' house. You'd moved out with your boyfriend a month or so into him babysitting your menace of a sister. She was well-behaved for him, but had been an absolute tornado of a child when your mother would ask you to babysit. You were actually the one who found Sunghoon through an ad on social media, and he'd been yet another thing to add to your parents' monthly budget.

Then again, no one told them to have another kid so late in their lives. Or yours, for that matter. You were eighteen when Mina was born, and it'd been a pretty rocky five years since then. You went off to college and didn't really get to see her grow up, and she soon learned you were someone she couldn't depend on emotionally because you were rarely able to stick around outside of holidays. It pained you, but you knew you'd eventually get the time to bond with her.

And that time came very quickly after meeting Sunghoon – because your boyfriend dumped you after six months, insisting he was too busy with school to maintain a relationship. Heeseung was a graduate student, and he tutored on the side for extra cash. Your parents funded your lifestyle, so you'd never worried about anything – until Heeseung sat you down and said that the relationship was stressing him out. 

Needless to say, a week after the breakup – you moved back in with your parents and left him to figure out the rent himself. It was a calculated move, but your parents agreed that you didn't need that kind of energy in your life. It didn't stop you from remembering all the other times Heeseung dogged you – from taking continuous 'breaks' from your relationship in the three years you were together, to falling prey to temptation (read: another woman grinding on him at a bar while you were two feet away.)

And you talked about him to every person you possibly could – including now, your little sister's babysitter as he washed dishes in your parents' kitchen. The conversation hadn't started out this way, he'd actually been telling you how much Mina talked about you while you were gone.

"Anyway, that kid loves you, man." He nodded as he slid a plate onto the drying rack, and you laughed softly. "Mina was born when I was a teenager. She just thinks I'm cool now, she'll go through the phase of hating me when she's older." You shrug.

"I wouldn't be so sure. She talks about you a lot, something about you playing a viobib?" His brow is arched, and you snort. "Violin. I played her the violin one time so she'd leave me alone. I'm surprised she talks to you so much, she has a hard time warming up to anyone. Even my boyfriend can't get her to talk to him."

His eyes narrowed slightly, "You have a boyfriend? Since when?" You shrug again. "Since before I met you. I guess I should say ex, though. Boyfriend is the title he prefers, but not the one he deserves. At least, not right now." You say pointedly, and his brows furrowed as he leans on the counter, arms crossed.

"Elaborate." "You're babysitting my kid sister, not giving me counseling."

"Consider it a perk for eldest daughters who act like they deserve shitty men." He says, a bite to his tone as you scrunch your nose. You sigh, nibbling your lip before rolling your eyes. "We're on-and-off. Sometimes I call it off, sometimes he does. He's in grad school and he tutors, and he said everything was stressing him out. He dumped me a bit ago, and I moved back in here. I'm surprised I haven't seen you around more."

"Right, so what about that arrangement is making you believe that you deserve this sort of behavior?" 

You peek up at him, his brows still furrowed as he awaits your answer. Your stomach tightens a bit as you blink. "I guess…I don't know, actually." "Okay, then ditch that loser." He shrugs, and you scoff. "He's not a loser. He's smart and sweet and we're just going through a rough patch." "If you have to justify his presence in your life or his treatment of you to your friends or anyone you talk about him to, then he's a loser. He sucks and he doesn't deserve to have access to you in any way." Sunghoon clasps his hands in front of himself, and you frown.

"He's nice enough." "Yeah, so is any other guy, babe. You're not gonna give just any dude a chance because he's 'nice enough,' are you?" He peers at you through his shaggy hair, and you feel your cheeks heat slightly in embarrassment. "The fact that you allow that behavior, seemingly quite often, will only make him make you his doormat. He'll do it over and over until he's sick of you, then he gets to dump you and make it seem like it was a mutual thing. You won't win in a situation like that." "It's not about winning." You mutter, grabbing a peach out of the fruit bowl in front of you. He leans back on the island, arms crossed in front of him. 

"Isn't it, though? There is always a prize and a player in a relationship. You," He taps the tip of your nose with his finger gently. "Are the prize, and he's the player. If he's not playing to win you, then he's playing to lose and wasting your time."

You stare into his eyes, not missing the way his brows jump as he leans slightly closer.

"Stop wasting your time on a shitty dude when you can do so much better. Especially if you're really as cool as Mina says. Kids don't lie about people they admire." His tone is slightly teasing, and you roll your eyes. "Mina has thrown eggs at me, I wouldn't be so sure she admires me." "I don't know, she said you're really nice to everyone. That you're funny, you can sing…dance…" Sunghoon lists a few things your sister said while you were asleep, and you feel your ears grow hot. "She also said you're the one who taught her how to do backflips, and that she wants to be like you when she grows up. I'd suggest getting that guy out of your life sooner rather than later so you can set a good example." "Did she mention him?" Your eyes snap up, and Sunghoon shrugs. "Once or twice. She said he makes you cry more often than not." You snort, shaking your head as you look down. "What does she know? She's five."

"Kids see things from an unbiased perspective, they're still learning how to be functioning humans. She associates him with you being upset, so I wouldn't be surprised if you told me that you're 'on a break' right now. I've been listening to you for five minutes and I already don't like this guy. If he cared, he'd be here. He doesn't care." "You're only saying that because it's what I need to hear." You roll your eyes as you avoid the rest of his spiel, and Sunghoon shakes his head, stealing a grape from the ones he washed for you earlier. "I'm saying that because it's the truth, and when I love, I make sure the person I love knows." "You don't even know him." You scowl, and he smirks. "Don't have to, babe. It's all over your face. You look defeated as hell when you talk about him." "Not your babe, Sunghoon." You shake your head, and he shrugs. "Could be, if you ditched that guy. I don't even know your favorite color but I can almost guarantee I'd be a better boyfriend than him."

"My favorite color is green." You mutter, and he leans closer to your face. "Anything else you wanna tell me about this guy?" "Why? You'll just be mean about it." You mumble, licking your lips when you feel his fingers tilt your chin up. He coos, "You're cute when you're defensive over a scumbag." "Stop that." You shove his hand away, and he smiles. "You need a rebound or something. All you've been able to talk about since you moved back is this guy. He sucks, babe." "Ugh, I know! Alright, I know he sucks, you don't have to rub it in." You frown, biting into the peach in your hand. "D'you know he'd never tell me I was pretty? I mean, I know I am, he didn't have to. But it would've been nice to hear every once in a damn while." You chew angrily, before hearing him laugh softly. "You have enough confidence for a man to feel like he doesn't need to tell you that. You carry yourself so well, it's honestly very sexy." You look up at him, meeting his eyes. They're calm and sincere, like he didn't just call you sexy in the middle of your kitchen while you're wearing a random t-shirt and sweatpants. "Me?" "Yeah, you. It's just us in here, Y/N." He snorts, "You seriously need to get over this guy. I don't like hearing you talk about this like you deserved it." "What do you know? You hardly know me." You know your voice sounds bitter, but it only spurs him on. "Don't need to know you super well to know you just need to feel appreciated." "Right, appreciated." You roll your eyes, tossing the half eaten peach in the trash. "Like I'm gonna find that in a rebound." "You can." He nods, making you snort. "Like who? You?" "Sure." He shrugs, and you nearly choke on your own spit. "What? Sunghoon, be serious." "I am being serious. If that's what it takes, I'm all for it." He shrugs again, like this is the most nonchalant thing ever, like he's not offering to fuck the bitterness out of you so you'll act normal again. You gawk at him, "Sunghoon, I cannot just use you like that. We hardly know each other, are you insane?" "Is it insane if I say I want you to?" He leans forward on the counter, a soft blush on his cheeks. You gape at him, his finger coming to close your mouth. "Does it matter how well we know each other? I'm sure it'll be a one time thing, and since we don't see each other often, I don't see the harm." "You want me to use you to get over my ex-boyfriend? You want to be my rebound?" You're shocked at his suggestion, he can tell as he shrugs. "You can use me anytime you want. Think about it." He winks, pushing off the island.

You feel your cheeks grow hot as he leaves the kitchen, letting you sit with your thoughts.

Sunghoon lived a mile away, in an apartment complex you helped him pick out once your parents hired him. Your mother had insisted he live in the house, but your father refuted by saying Sunghoon was a grown man, he needed his own space. You'd taken him to fill out the paperwork, and it was one of the last interactions you'd had with Sunghoon before moving out.

You sigh shakily, running your hands through your hair.

It wasn't the worst idea. You knew that Sunghoon wouldn't have offered it if he wasn't attracted to you, at least. You knew what it was like to feel desired, but something about the way Sunghoon looked at you made you feel giddy.

Maybe it was the promise of feeling something new, or the idea that you shouldn't do it – because he works for your parents. Getting involved with you could cost him his job, if anyone found out. 

You feel your phone buzz in your pocket, and you sigh as you reach to grab it.

Message From: Park Sunghoon (Babysitter) [8:32pm] you know where i live if you're down. [8:32pm] just let me know, gorgeous.

Fuck.

Bad idea, bad idea, bad fucking idea.

It hadn't even been a day since you and Sunghoon had the conversation in your parents' kitchen. Or rather, the awkward moment in your parents' kitchen. 

It'd been three hours. It was nearing midnight as you stood in front of the elevator, the cold December air biting at your exposed legs. You'd gone to a late dinner with your friend Aeri, and you'd be lying to yourself if you didn't admit that her encouragement is what got you into this predicament.

The elevator dings, revealing a young girl and her dog attempting to step out. You give her a soft smile, earning a nod and a have a good night as you step in. You press the button to the third floor, bouncing on your heels as the elevator starts moving. This could be the worst fuck of your life and you won't even know until after, or even during. What if it's the best fuck of your life and then you're just forced to be around him as his employer rather than a potential fuck buddy or even worse, a girlfriend? "Get it together, Y/N." You mutter to yourself, hearing the elevator ding as you reach the third floor. You step out, turning to the right and walking past three doors, before standing in front of his apartment. His doormat is that of a frat boy's – Please Don't Do Coke In Our Bathroom.

You snort, before knocking on the door softly. You hear rustling, and the lowering of a TV before the pitter-patter of dog feet. You hear him sigh as he unlocks the door, his face appearing before you as he opens it. He looks surprised.

"Y/N, what a pleasure." He speaks smoothly, and you roll your eyes. "It's cold, invite me in." You cross your arms across your chest, making him smile as he steps to the side. You walk in, shivering as you carefully step out of your heels. You squat to pet his dog, but she disappears behind his legs. You pout at him, and he just snorts. "She's shy."

"It's fucking freezing outside, Hoon." Your teeth chatter as he closes the door, taking your scarf as you hand it to him. "Well, you're barely dressed. I assume it would be cold when you're half naked." "Did you want me to wear layers and make this take ten times as long? Be serious." You huff, sliding your coat off. Granted, you'd put this dress on with the idea of going to a bar after dinner and posting thirst traps on your story for Heeseung to see and yearn for…

Which is shitty of you to appear in Sunghoon's apartment after thinking that way.

"I don't think you wore this for me, Y/N. You were at dinner with Aeri." He rolls his eyes, and you forget he also has your Instagram. "Man, just take the win. Do you wanna fuck me or not?"

He shrugs, "Do you want me to?" "You wouldn't have offered and I wouldn't have shown up if the answer to either of those questions was no." You say pointedly, and he clicks his tongue. "I guess you're right." "I usually am." You roll your eyes, making him laugh. "Here, have a seat." "What, are you gonna wine and dine me?" You tease, and he smirks, disappearing into his kitchen. "Could say that." You take a seat on his couch, looking around the apartment. He's decorated in a very Sunghoon  way – lots of black decorations and shelving on the exposed brick, an array of books on a shelf to the left of his desk and a record player. You look at his coffee table, the fashion magazines and editorials stacked high.

"You always snoop through people's things?" His voice rings behind you as he holds two glasses and a bottle of wine you're sure you've seen only in your father's reserve. You huff, "Well you leave me here to entertain myself, I'm bound to look around." "Valid. Come on." He tilts his head for you to follow him, your cheeks aflame as you do just that. He leads you down to his bedroom, a large bed with a black duvet in the middle of the room. More books, a few incense candles, a few figurines in the corner of his room. "I like what you've done with the place." "Thanks, it only took fucking forever to figure out what I wanted to do. I think the exposed brick makes for a bigger headache than those home bloggers make it out to be." 

It makes you feel at ease, how easy conversation can be with Sunghoon. He doesn't make anything feel inorganic, but he also doesn't talk more than necessary in order to get his point across.

"How long were you with that guy, anyway? Here, put this on." He holds out a pair of sweatpants, which you take with a quizzical look. "Three years. Uh, Hoon, the point is to be naked here, not put on more clothes." "Is that how it was with him? You'd just show up and strip?" He rolls his eyes, digging a shirt out of his dresser for you. You feel your cheeks warm as he hands it to you, before giving you a glance. "Was it?" "...Kind of." You look at your feet, and he sighs. "Yeah, well…I don't play that. Do you need help getting your dress off?" "Oh, yeah. Just the zipper." You turn, pulling your hair to the front. You feel his fingers graze your back, before he tugs the zipper down in one go. He snaps your bra strap playfully, "We can lose this, though." "Yah!" You swat his hand away, making him laugh as he turns away. "Do you want to watch something or just talk?" "We can watch something, whatever is fine. Just nothing scary, my room is spooky at night." You shudder as you undo your bra, folding it in your hand before tugging the shirt over your head. "Oh, do you intend on driving home after?" "Did you want me to stay?" Your words sound a bit bitter, and that only makes Sunghoon frown as he scours the selection on HBO from his bed. "Dude, the more things you say, the more scummy I realize this guy was to you. Next thing you know you'll tell me he never went down on you." You freeze, and Sunghoon gapes at you as you turn around, pulling the shirt down your torso. "Y/N, you've got to be kidding me." "No, he did a few times, I swear!" You try to defend him, but Sunghoon only scoffs out a laugh. "That's fucking insane. Like, actually insane." "Hoon, you're embarrassing me." You whine, and he only blinks. "Why would you be embarrassed that he didn't wanna eat you out? That in itself is embarrassing for him. Real men eat pussy, and they eat it with gusto." "Shut up." You cover your face with your hands as you hear him sigh. "I'm just saying. Now, come on. Either put the pants on or lie the hell down." You huff, shoving the pair of sweats on before joining him on his bed. This is normal, friends fuck all the time.

Except you and Sunghoon are not friends.

You must've spaced out, because the feeling of Sunghoon squeezing your knee makes you jolt. "What are you thinking about?" "Nothing." You lie, shaking your head. He hums, turning his attention to the random movie on the television. "You're a bad liar, you know?" "Am not." Scoffing, you turn to face him. Your knees hit his outer thigh as you turn, and he gives you a lazy smile. "You are. You were staring off into space and chewing on your cheek for like, five minutes. What's up?" You scrunch your nose, looking down at your hands as he tilts his head. "You can tell me, you know. I don't judge." "Don't you, though? I mean, I'm here after you absolutely dogged on my ex earlier." You snort, and he smiles. "I'm judging your ex, not you. Well, not right now at least. I will always dislike the fact that you think you deserved that treatment, let alone from a guy who probably couldn't even make you cum." Your eyes snap to his, shock across your face as he pinches the bridge of his nose with a sigh. "Babe, come on." "He was nice!" You whine, and Sunghoon just laughs in disbelief. "Don't laugh! It's not funny!" Your lip is jutted out in a pout, before Sunghoon maneuvers you onto his lap. He makes you move up closer, your ass resting high on his thighs. "He really didn't make you finish?" You groan, adjusting yourself to sit comfortably. "I mean, he did a few times. Just not as often as I would've liked. I don't want to talk about him." You rub your temples, Sunghoon's hands finding home on your hips. "Okay, we don't have to. Tell me what you like." "What I like?" You repeat, and he nods. "Yeah. Like…positions. Any kinks, anything I should know to make this the best experience possible."

"...Does it matter?" Your voice is meek, and he rolls his eyes. "Yes, it matters. I want you to feel good. If you don't know, I can figure it out. You just have to trust me." You feel your chest warm at his words, and you glance at his face as he speaks again. "We can go as slow as you want, this is about you." "But what about you?" You toy with the hem of your shirt, and he smiles. "I'll enjoy myself either way, don't worry about me." His hands squeeze your hips gently as he looks down at you. "You okay?" "I'm nervous." You mumble, looking away as he coos. "Baby, you don't need to be nervous. It's just me." His hand comes to hold your jaw gently, making you face him. He squeezes your cheeks gently, making your lips pucker.

"You're so pretty." He smiles as he compliments you, making you roll your eyes in embarrassment. "Stop." "Why? You are. Pretty little thing." He's teasing you, your hands now holding onto his wrist as he inches closer. "Should I kiss you?" "Yes." Your reply is more of a breath, and he chuckles. "Seriously, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you, promise. Unless you're into that."

"Kiss me already." You groan, making him roll his eyes before closing the gap between you. His lips are soft and taste like cherry Chapstick. His hand lets go of your face, moving slightly down to the base of your neck. Your own hands move to fist his shirt as his teeth nip at your lower lip, a whimper from your throat making him move you impossibly higher on his lap. His other hand moves to the nape of your neck, tangling in your hair to hold you steady as his tongue slips into your mouth. 

"You'll stay the night, right?" He pulls away from your lips, eyes searching your face for any sign of hesitation. You nod as best as you can with his hand in your hair, "Yeah. If you want me to." "I want you to." He whispers, before letting go of your hair. "Can we take this off?" He tugs at the shirt he gave you, and you move to tug it over your head. He lets you, watching the way your hair cascades down your back. His hands find home on your waist, his thumbs barely grazing the underside of your breasts as you look back at him, flinging the shirt somewhere behind you.

He doesn't say anything, only meeting your lips in a kiss. It's softer this time, but your tongue finds its way into his mouth gently. He sucks on it, hearing a low moan from you as your hips cant against his. "Sorry." 

"No, don't be." He shakes his head, pressing chaste kisses to your lips. "Use me however you want, baby. That's what I'm here for." 

"But–" "This is about you. Just let go." He meets your lips once more, kissing you deeply as his hands grip your hips tightly. He moves you against his hardening cock slowly, setting a gentle pace for you. You follow his lead, rutting against him as his hands move upward before you grab them and place them on your chest. He groans lowly into your mouth, thumbs grazing over your pebbled nipples as he drags his lips down your jaw, your soft whimpers filling the air as his teeth nip at your neck.

"S'fucking gorgeous." He murmurs against your skin, tracing his tongue down the gentle slope of your neck, a shudder running down your spine as he kisses down your chest. "Can I?" His doe eyes peer up at you though shaggy bangs, and you nod quickly. Your fingers card through his hair as his tongue flattens against your nipple as you groan.

"Feel good?" He mumbles against your skin. You only breathe out shakily as you nod, your lip bitten between your teeth as he nips and sucks his way across your chest, your nipples glistening with his spit. He scrapes his teeth against one gently, earning a guttural groan from your lips as he kisses up your chest. "Wanna taste you, angel. Can I?" Your pupils are blown as you look down at him, your fingers pushing his hair back as his hands dip below the sweatpants you're wearing. "Can I?" "Okay." Your voice is slightly raspy with lust, and he smiles softly before pressing a kiss to your lips. "We can stop anytime, just say the word." 

You nod, moving off his lap. He lays you back on his pillows, kissing your lips softly before trailing down your body. "So beautiful, baby. Can't get enough of you." He kisses down your stomach, before his teeth catch on the waistband of the sweatpants you're wearing. He bites down carefully, pulling them down your legs as you cover your face with a whine. "Something wrong?" He calls, pulling them off your ankles and flinging them to the ground.

"No." You respond weakly, and he smirks as his fingers land on your thighs, pulling you closer to him. "You're lying." "You're just hot, okay?" You peek at him through your fingers, seeing him shake his head as he snaps the waistband of your underwear against your skin. You jolt as he smiles, before sinking to his stomach and spreading your legs. You hear a soft whisper of shit from his lips. "Sorry? Is something wrong?"

You try to move away, only for Sunghoon to hold your hips down. "You're fucking soaked, doll. Holy shit." 

He doesn't give you a chance to respond, opting to press his face against the sticky fabric of your ruined underwear and inhale deeply, a whine from his throat hitting your ears as he noses at the fabric. "You're so fucking hot."

You feel his tongue before you reply, the underwear a useless attempt at a barrier as he finds your clit easily. Your thighs tense around his head, his preening at the taste of you just through the fabric is enough to make him cum in his pants. "Hoon…" You mewl, your fingers tugging at his hair to get his attention. He only hums in response.

"Take them off." Your whine is loud, and he hastily pulls your underwear down your plush thighs, throwing it over his shoulder as he dives back in, tongue lapping at your wet cunt like a man starved. You're a moaning mess as his pouty lips wrap around your clit, sucking gently as he pushes your thighs open further, working two fingers inside you carefully. He groans at the way you clench around them so tightly, your walls so warm and wet as he curls them into you.

"Taste so sweet, pretty. Would never give this up, ever." He murmurs against your clit, pressing wet kisses to it. You can't even respond, your eyes screwed shut as you cant your hips against his mouth harshly. "That's it, baby. Come on, give it to me." He's whining against your pussy, latching his lips to your clit as your thighs begin to tremble.

"H-Hold my hand." You mumble, and Sunghoon immediately laces his free hand with yours. "Need you to cum on my tongue, beautiful." His fingers find that spongy spot, making your soft belly cave in as your thighs close around his head. A choked moan leaves your lips as you coat his tongue and lips in your orgasm, your body trembling beneath him as you try to push his head away from you. "S'too much, Hoonie-" "One more, baby. You can give me one more." He bullies his shoulders through your thighs, moving to hover over you. He presses his wet lips to yours, your tongue attempting to collect any taste of you off of him. He lets you deepen the kiss, his hand snaking between your legs to rub teasing circles into your clit. Your mouth falls slack, your nails digging into his bicep. "One more, baby. Wanna feel you around me." "O-Okay." 

He reaches over you to his nightstand, pulling the drawer open to find an empty box of condoms. "Fuck, wait. I think–" "Want it raw." You mumble, eyes closed as your hands run under his shirt, fingers tracing circles into his softly chiseled abdomen. His eyes are wide, his hand coming to your face, stroking it gently. "Look at me. Are you sure?"

"Positive. Want it, Hoonie. Wanna feel full." You barely open your eyes as you nod, turning your head slightly to kiss his palm. He shivers slightly, closing his eyes to compose himself as he nods. "O-Okay. Alright." He straightens, pulling his shirt over his head and quickly pushing his sweats down. You don't bother to look down, knowing in your heart the stretch will be worth a thousand viewings. He pulls you to the edge of the bed by your thighs, carefully tucking a pillow under your hips as he rests your leg on his chest. He kisses your ankle softly, before running the leaking tip of his cock through your wet folds. He nearly buckles, the warmth almost debilitating as he eased himself into you. Your mewl is so soft he almost misses it, his eyes darting to your face as he slowly sheaths himself inside you, biting his lip so hard he's sure he'll draw blood. Your lips are so swollen from the kissing and biting that he can't help but lean over and kiss you gently, burying himself to the hilt inside you. Your soft whisper of fuck is against his lips. "Move, Hoon." "You gotta give me a second, baby." He whines into your neck, making you clench around him. "Fuck, fuck don't do that." His hips jerk involuntarily, earning a choked moan from you as your nails dig into his shoulder. He straightens himself, figuring if he's going to cum fast, he'd better make it worth your while. He pulls out almost entirely, pushing your thighs to your chest as he bullies his cock back into you. Your moans are so loud he's lost in them, your chants of yes, yes, right there so overwhelming for him as he tries his hardest to stave off his own orgasm.

"Feel so fucking good, baby. Shit." He whimpers into the air, his grip on your thighs bruising as you mewl beneath him, your hands finding his wrists. "Kiss me, Hoonie. Wan' a kiss.." He leans forward, the kiss a mess of teeth and tongue as he bottoms out inside you repeatedly. His tip is bullying your sweet spot relentlessly, making you whine into his mouth. "Want you to cum in me." You whisper, and he almost stops as the words hit his ears but your nails drag down his back. "Want you to fill me up, Hoonie. Please."

"Anything you want, fuck. I'll give you anything, baby." His voice is choked as he trails his lips down your neck, feeling your cunt flutter around him in that oh-so-familiar way. "Gonna cum for me? Gonna cream all over this dick?" You only whimper in response, your teeth sinking softly into his shoulder. He feels himself spill inside you at the sensation, a deep groan from his soul as you cum right after. He doesn't stop working the two of you through it, his hips bordering the two of you into overstimulation as you claw at him.

He feels his skin sticky as he rests his forehead on your shoulder, your fingers now flat against the muscle of his back as you breathe in deeply. You shift slightly beneath him, before patting his shoulder. "I don't…I can't get up, I don't think. I can't feel my legs." You rasp, and he chuckles into your skin.

"Yeah, that's usually what's supposed to happen." He replies smugly, earning a sharp smack from your hand in the middle of his back. "Ouch! What the hell!" "I told you to stop making fun of me!" You huff, and he moves to look at you. "I'm not! Did I not just give you two mind blowing orgasms?"

"I wouldn't say mindblowing–" He rolls his eyes as he covers your mouth. "I made you cum, which was the goal. Was it not?" "No, the goal was to get over my ex." You say, muffled by the palm of his hand. He ponders a bit, before looking down at you intently. "Well, are you?" You feel your cheeks flush as you look away. "Maybe. Might need to go again, don't know. Not fully convinced." "Not fully convinced, she says." He removes his hand from your mouth as he teases you gently, and you roll your eyes. "Okay, fine. You're good, you got me." You admit tiredly, and he smiles.

"For how long?" "What?" You look up at him, and he shrugs. "How long do I have you?" You let your eyes scan his face as he looks down at you with curiosity in his eyes. You scoff, an amused tone to your voice. "You like me." "Obviously." He rolls his eyes, "Otherwise I wouldn't have offered." "You sly little minx. Luring me in here with the premise of getting me over my ex, knowing I'm on the rebound." You poke his chest, and he scoffs. "Clearly, you like me too. Or else you could've absolutely dodged my offer." "Or maybe I think you're hot and wouldn't mind seeing you outside of the cute little necklaces my sister makes you wear." You tease, and he shrugs. "I'll take what I can get. Either way, do you feel better? Less thoughts about that idiot, more good feelings?" You nod, sitting up on your elbows. "Let me take you to dinner, Hoon." He blinks at you, before glancing at the clock on his nightstand. "It's two in the morning, babe." "Not right now. Later. After you're done babysitting." You say, and he raises his brows. "Are you sure?" "I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to." Your tone is pointed, and he scoffs. "You want me so fucking bad." "In your dreams. Get off me, I'm all sticky."

He does just that, and takes the most gentle care of you. He lets you lean against him in the shower, he shampoos your hair and steals kisses when you least expect it. He changes his sheets while you try to sit comfortably in his desk chair, complaining of sore hips and thighs as he smirks to himself. "So much for a rebound, huh?" He murmurs into your hair as you snuggle into his side, making you snort. "Go to sleep, Sunghoon. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, babe."

"Not your babe, Hoon."

"Not yet."

BABEYUN © 2024. no translations, reposting or modifications are allowed. do not claim as your own. viewer discretion is advised. your media consumption is your responsibility.

[leeny-leens]

Finals Week or Final Week? | B.Z. x Reader

Pairing: bsf!Blaise Zabini x fem!Reader

Summary: Studying for your finals with your best friend takes an unexpected turn.

Warnings: Reader has anxiety about exams, swearing, mention of wanting to marry rich and murder your husband

Content: oblivious Reader to some extent, lots of fluff, Blaise is Italian, they're in love your honour, Blaise being an attentive king, not proofread or edited

WC: 3k

AN: My first time writing for Blaise and I low-key hate the end?? but oh well. Interaction of any kind is super appreciated <3

“That's it,” you declared firmly “I'm dropping out.”

“No.”

“Fuck you mean no?”

“You wanna hear it in Italian? No,” Blaise didn’t even bother looking up from his desk when he answered your question, having had this conversation 14 times and counting in the last three hours.

“But Blaise,” you whined, getting up from your desk and flopping on your bed dramatically. “I can't do this shit anymore! I'm too young to be suffering like this.”

At that, he finally gives you a silver of his attention, briefly looking up from his Arithmancy textbook to raise his eyebrows at your theatrics. “Relax, you're gonna be fine,” his words did absolutely nothing to comfort you, and you found yourself sighing in defeat. “What if I marry a rich old man and kill him for his money?” you mumbled, already imagining how you could pull it off. Pansy would surely help you hide the body, and Draco or Theodore could set you up with some rich, pureblood asshole in need of a wife. Lorenzo and Mattheo would probably be down to aid you in the murder plot, so really there wasn't much that could go wrong here.

Blaise finally put his book aside, his full attention on you as he turned your words around in his mind. “Really? You're gonna let the last seven years go to waste and marry rich instead?”

It was a rhetorical question, you knew that, but it was a welcome opening to procrastinate on your studies so you opted to engage in this silly argument with your best friend.

“Absolutely, it's less exhausting and sets me up for life,” you replied, your voice harbouring an edge of challenge, as if beckoning him to counter your statement.

Blaise wasn't one to entertain bullshit, not with his friends, not with his acquaintances. He found it to be a waste of time and energy, energy he could be using on far more efficient things like himself. But somehow, somewhere along his time here at Hogwarts by your side, he found that entertaining your bullshit wasn't quite as bad as he thought. The absurd thought of you going through with the marriage and murder scheme drew a chuckle out of him, the sound low and rich as it pleasantly echoed in your otherwise desolate room.

“What? Are you making fun of my future career Zabini?” you asked, clutching your chest dramatically as you sat up in your bed. He shook his head, the corners of his lips twitching with the hint of a smile. “No, never” he replied, sarcasm dripping so heavily from his voice it was basically a slipping hazard.

“I’m just surprised you think getting married, killing someone and hiding it is somehow less exhausting than studying for your finals,” the mention of your fast approaching finals exams immediately killed whatever inkling of joy you'd fostered with the light banter between you, your head falling against the headboard with a groan.

“Don't remind me,” you grumbled “’Mso fucked Blaise, ‘m gonna fail and repeat the year.” When he realized that there was some sort of conviction in your tone, he stood up from the desk, approaching you on the bed. You had closed your eyes, mumbling to yourself about how worried you were about the exams and all the things you had to finish until then.

You could feel the bed dipping under his weight as he sat down, and you instinctively moved to make place for him. It was a habit really, you were so used to make space for Blaise in your life that you never had to think about it. When you walked in the hallway, you always left enough space for him to walk beside you. At dinner, there was always enough space for him to sit, just like in the library or in classes or even the common room. You couldn't quite remember how life was before you started making space for Blaise Zabini in it, but you weren't about to change that. You liked the way he took up so much of your attention, even with his quiet demeanor and biting remarks, and there was nothing quite like watching him sprawl out on your bed on a Friday night when you were hanging out together, just the two of you.

And just like you had learned to make place for him, he had learned to make exceptions for you. He didn't tolerate bullshit unless it was you, he didn't bother entertaining people unless it was you and he most definitely didn't initiate physical touch, unless it was, of course, you. Just like that, you felt his warm hand capture your chin, tilting your head to the side so you were facing one another. “*Principessa*,” another exception he made for you; the petname he'd given you after you forced him to watch every single Barbie movie with you back in third year had stuck all the way until now. “Open your eyes and look at me,” his voice held no bite and no anger, yet you couldn't shake the anxiety that settled in your stomach as you cracked your eyes open to look at him.

The darkness in his eyes was all-consuming, like a black hole sucking you in and leaving you breathless, unable to think about anything but him. Any thoughts of school or exams were banished in the close proximity of him, the warmth of his body seeping beyond the thin layers of your clothing and settling deep into your bones.

“You're going to be okay,” he said after a few beats of silence. Each word came out slowly over his lips, yet he said it with so much trust and belief, as if it was a fact he knew wouldn't change. “You're going to pass, and you're not going to get bad grades in any subject,” his hand released your chin and settled atop your hand instead. He was perceptive, too perceptive for his own good, so of course he'd noticed you pulling at the flesh around your nails, a nervous habit you'd had ever since you were a child. He squeezed your hand reassuringly, his thumb tracing over your knuckles in a soothing motion that almost brought tears to your eyes.

“Really?” you asked, your voice shaking more than you'd like. You thought it was stupid to get upset about this, dramatic even, but you couldn't help yourself, not when he was looking at you with such warmth and affection. It was like all your defenses melted under his gaze, reducing you into a gooey, emotional mess that you couldn't control.

A small smile tugged on his lips, and briefly you wondered how it'd feel to have them moving against your own, but you quickly threw that thought away. Now wasn't the time to wonder how kissing your best friend would feel like, not when you've known said best friend for the last seven years of your life and had the best friendship at stake along side your sanity and your entire academic career.

“Yes, really,” he said, in that warm tone that made your heart stutter and your brain fuzzy in the best way possible.

You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, absentmindedly biting it as you tried to even out your breathing. You couldn't cry, not tonight when you already had a stressful day behind you. Crying would only fuel your misery -and the murderous headache building up behind your temples- and there was no way you'd try to make it any worse.

Blaise’s eyes focused on your lips, and as if possessed by something else, his free hand came up to your mouth to gently pull your lip free from the destruction of your teeth. “Don't do that,” he murmured, “Your lips are too pretty."

You stared at him wide eyed, unable to process what he just said. Did he mean it in a friendly way? Or was he thinking about you the same way you'd been thinking about him for months now, wondering what your lips felt on his?

The silence between you two was tension filled and heavy, not a word spoken as you relished the warmth and proximity. Schoolwork was the last of your worries when Blaise was eyeing your lips with such fixation and hunger. Perhaps it was your imagination, but you could swear that he leaned down just a bit, enough for the scent of citrus and musk to envelope your senses.

His hand cupped your cheek, the touch tender and uncharacteristically unsure, as if he was scared you'd pull away at any moment. Blaise was the most confident person you've ever known, his words carefully chosen, his actions well thought out and never faltering in the face of the unknown. But this? This was completely new to him, something he'd never thought he'd actually do, there wasn't an an ounce of his usual self assured demeanor behind the feather light touches. To his surprise however, you leaned into his hand, your eyes staring up at him with the same hunger he displayed. You'd never once shyed away from him, too entranced by the enegamyic allure he exuded, and you found yourself pulled into his orbit once more.

His face was closer now, so close you could see the gold specks in his eyes, pupils blown wide with desire and affection in a way that had your heart aching for him. His eyes flickered from your lips up to your eyes, searching for any hint of protest or dissatisfaction in your expression. When you managed to give him a light nod, answering the unspoken question for your consent, it was all he needed before he closed the gap between you, his lips tenderly pressing against yours.

The kiss was tentative and light, as if the both of you were in disbelief about this. It couldn't have lasted for more than a few seconds, yet when he pulled away, you could swear hours had passed by, any sense for time malfunctioning from what you just experienced.

“Blaise, I-”

“I like you,” he cut off, not giving you any time to make excuses or apologies like he knew you would. “I like you so much more than I should like my best friend and it's driving me insane.”

Your throat went dry at that, your mouth falling open and closing again as if you were a fish on land. Could this be real? Or were you just hallucinating from the stress?

“Is this my finals week or my final week? Am I hallucinating?” you whispered suddenly, completely catching him off-guard. He blinked at you, once, twice, before throwing his head back with laughter.

Just then you realized that your response to his confession was completely ill fitting and the blood rushed to your face. “Don't laugh!” you exclaimed, hitting his shoulder with mortification “It's a reasonable deduction when you're suddenly confessing to me!”

To his credit, he tried to calm down from his sudden outburst quickly, his eyes staring at you with clear amusement. “It isn't sudden when you think about it,” he mused “I've always liked you, always gave you special treatment that no one else gets, principessa.”

Your mind cycled through all the instances Blaise had gone out of his way, and out of his comfort zone, to do something for you; too many to count you just realized. He was a well-mannered person overall, yet his words and action around you had always been just a bit kinder, a bit more vulnerable, reserved for you alone.

Your face burned brighter at the realization. God how could you have been so oblivious? You were sure everyone else had seen it, but you were too stuck in your head to see the way he looked at you, to notice the way his touch lingered just a bit too long.

“God I'm so stupid sometimes,” you mumbled in response, eliciting a chuckle from him. “That's okay,” he said with a teasing edge “I like it when you're stupid like that, makes it more fun to bully you about it.”

Any sort of protest or reply died in your throat when you felt him lean into you again, his lips brushing against yours gently. “May I?” his voice was low and quiet, as if speaking any louder would shatter the moment.

Instead of replying, you set your hands on his shoulder, pulling him closer to crash your lips against eachother, satisfied at the surprised noise you drew out of him.

The kiss this time was firmer, more steady with a simmering heat below the surface. The awkwardness of teeth and lips clashing against one another didn't bother you one bit, it only made it more exciting when you finally found a rhythm that you both followed as your lips moved in tandem against one another.

Both of his hands settled on your waist, his thumbs caressing your skin through your clothes in soothing circles that had you blanking out. He was everywhere; his scent, his warmth, his lips and his hands driving your mind into a maddening blank state with not a single coherent thought left in it.

It could've been a few seconds or an eternity, but when you pulled apart, you were both gasping for air, eyes wide open at what had just transpired.

“I like you too,” you suddenly said, realising you'd never replied to his statement. “So much that I don't know what to do with it,” the hint of vulnerability in your voice didn't go unnoticed by him, his expression immediately softening. This was uncharted territory for the both of you, the promise of what you could be staked against what you already had.

“It's okay,” he whispered, his voice nothing but warm and affection filled as he took your hand and held it to his mouth, pressing gentle kisses to your knuckles. “We can take it slow, do it our own way yeah?”

“Even if I wanna go out with you but ‘m too stressed to think about anything right now?” you asked, causing Blaise to shake his head in amusement. “Then don't think about it yet, I'm not going anywhere,” you couldn't help the smile that overtook your features, grinning at him with glowing happiness.

“You're so fucking sappy sometimes,” nudging his shoulder playfully, you half shoved him off the bed to get up, laughing at the dramatic protests as he faked a fall to the floor.

“Only for you, ungrateful wench,” he huffed, grabbing your hand and pulling you down to the floor with him. You landed on top of him, shrieking and thrashing in protest as you demanded he let you go.

You tried to escape his grasp, yet there was no use struggling against him, his arms wrapped too tightly around your waist, keeping you firmly against him.

“I need to get back to studying,” you mumbled once you ceased your protests, sighing contently when he bang rubbing your back gently. “Actually, you need a nap,” he chided. You eyed him suspiciously, wondering why he would suggest a nap when you had mountains of study material to get through. There was too much to do, and too little time, you couldn't afford slacking off now. “You have a headache, a really bad one at that,” he clarified, causing your eyebrows to shoot up in surprise.

“How the hell-”

“Your eyebrows,” he added with a smile, gently massaging the spot between them, “You always furrow them when you're having a headache and you've been doing that more and more for the last hour.”

No words left your mouth at that revelation, at the sheer amount of attention he paid to you. You didn't even know you did that, yet here he was, paying attention to every detail about you as if it was the most natural thing in the world. You expected the gesture to make butterflies flutter in your stomach, but instead you felt a sense of calm wash over you, secure in the knowledge that Blaise had always known you, always seem through you even when you tried to hide.

There was no use arguing with him about this, he allowed you to move away from him before tugging you on your feet and gently pushing you towards your bed.

“C’mon,” he said “I'll sleep with you if you want, that way we're both taking a break.” At that, you did settle into your bed with a little less grumbling, moving over to allow him to lay down beside you.

It wasn't the first time you both shared a bed; it had become a routine for you, sharing your space together no matter where. So the moment he settled into it behind you, his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer into him.

His warmth and scent, coupled with the quiet sound of his breathe, were the perfect way to lull you into sleep, the pounding in your head becoming nothing but a dull ache as your eyelids grew heavier.

The last you felt before slipping into a pleasant sleep was the press of his lips against the crown of your head,the chase kiss warming you from head to toe as you sighed blissfully.

Perhaps Blaise was right; you wouldn't fail your exams after all. When you woke up, you'd get back to studying and trying your best, and while you weren't sure if this was the last of your emotional outbursts surrounding the academic stress, you were sure Blaise would be there by your side. That thought was what accompanied you into your dreams, pleasant and warm sensations easing your mind.

[belladonnadawn]

I Don't Smoke

"If you need to be mean, be mean to me."

Kayson x Reader

Finals, deadlines, submissions.

Three words rang in your head as you felt as if the day of your judgement was impending. No matter how many times you assure yourself, it was futile; knowing that in a few days the accumulated results of your performance throughout the semester would be represented by numbers that you can't take back once it was written. The thought of it terrifies the perfectionist in you. 

In these times, library wasn't an option for you to catch up with the subjects. Suddenly it was too crowded, too noisy, and too crammed; not an ideal place to clear your mind and study. Luckily, your friends were generous enough to lend you their dorm while they're away, spending the night away in a party that you were never interested to know. 

You sat down on the study table. Finally, peace and quiet. The soft sound of your stationery and notes filled the room as you began to set things up. The idea of procrastinating lingered in your mind, but you're sure that that idea would just lead into more trouble. Opening your laptop, you were bombarded by lists and to-dos. There was this simmering disappointment in your stomach, you should've started studying earlier this week. Why haven't you started earlier? You scolded yourself. You rack your brain, trying to pinpoint where the routine changed, and there it is: Kayson. Your sweet, handsome, endearing Kayson. 

"Hey, I just finished practising. Wanna grab lunch?"

"I missed you so much. Come over, my dad bought a new board game."

"You know what you deserve? Another nap and kisses!"

You smiled as you remembered his sweet voice. There's a glint of longing and sorrow as you look back on those memories. It was rewarding yet a hint of regret creeps through slowly. You should've used those times to study– You shook those thoughts off, familiar words echoed in your mind. You can't let those memories turn into regret. You need to prove your parents wrong. So you began.

It’s been minutes– hours? You weren’t counting. The words in your notes were overwhelming, the laptop screen was too bright; everything became incomprehensible. It was too much. You sighed, leaning on your chair to look at your progress. You came so far, but not too far for you to be satisfied. It’s not enough. 

Your ears perked up at the sound of the door opening. “There you are!” A familiar voice caught your attention. “Thought I might visit before you study yourself to death.” Kayson sighed, wrapping his arms around you. He was warm, a comforting touch after a stressful day. 

“I’m not studying myself to death. How’d you find me?” You retorted, rolling your eyes.

“I used my superpowers to track you down.” He laughed at his joke. “I’m kidding, I asked your friend. And besides look at you, you’re alone with nothing but papers and notes.To be honest, I consider this as prison.” Kayson picked up a chair, sitting down beside you.

“Look, I’m not in a mood for jokes. I have seven topics to catch up with.” Sighing, you faced your study desk once again. 

“Seven?!” Kayson’s eyes widened. “Can’t you just ditch that and you know… join the party?”

Your brows furrowed, irritation visible in your face. “I can’t just ditch this. Finals are around the corner, I’m not gonna flunk it.” 

“You’re not gonna flunk it, you’re just taking a break.” He sighed, eyes softening as he looked at your situation. 

You shook your head, you knew that your boyfriend was dead set on convincing you to take a break. He was stubborn, but so are you. Leaning back to your seat, you began skimming through notes. Thousands of words, hundreds of pages welcomed you; it was dreadful. But progress is progress. You heard him sigh as he watched you continue studying.

“Maybe after this we could go to the new spot I found.” Kayson spoke softly. Usually, you didn’t mind, it’s not unusual for you to listen to his stories about his day; like how hard the team laughed when Alex fell flat on his face or how his brothers facetimed him last night. But his voice, along with the topics you tried to read, was overwhelming.

“I don’t have time, Kayson.” You curtly replied, eyes focused on the papers. Flipping the pages, you were met with another topic: research. Great. You began reading. The research gap must be clearly stated in the study to establish objectives.

"Maybe we could go there, I heard they're serving your favorite food."

Discuss the problem, elaborate the significance, and state the method.

"You know what? We really need to try those. You could use a break from those books."

The gap. The method. The study. The aim– 

"What do you say? Are you–"

"God, Kayson, I said I don't want to! Can you stop being such a distraction?!" 

It was loud, biting– enough to fill the room with silence. No words were muttered. It doesn’t have to when the look on his face showed what he felt. His mouth slightly agape from shock, his eyes filled with hurt. Your words ripped his heart out and it was too late to take it back. 

Kayson only nodded, looking away from you. "I uh..." He composed himself, trying to hide his glossy eyes as tears threatened to fall down his cheeks. "I-I'm just gonna see myself out. Study well." He immediately left, without a kiss or a small wave. You sat in silence, guilt filled your heart as his painful expression burned in your memories. Maybe he’s right, you should’ve taken a break.

Pattern banner from Cafekitsune

[freakshowtwopointoh]

I love the Jordan Li jealousy trope vibe so much I’m just-

Anyways-

I cant stop thinking about a fem!reader x Jordan scene were the reader starts using another girl at a party to make Jordan jealous���� I feel like I always see this done with another guy but the thought of it being another girl is just so😙🤌🏻

*combining this with another ask about established relationship jordan*

Your partner, despite being able to sweet talk any exec into giving Brink's department just another million, was not good with words. At least, not with you. It's not like they insulted you, or anything outright cruel - but when they were upset, it felt like nothing was off the cards. Your grades, your bad habits (like procrastinating your dishes or your penchant for never finishing your take-out orders), even going on tangents about your taste in movies. Snide comments were fine, and even endearing, when you two were on good terms - but they stung in the middle of a fight. Even more so when they'd been picking fights for days and blowing you off for no reason.

All this to say, this wasn't the first time Jordan had broken up with you in the heat of the moment. The last time, it had only taken a day for them to come back to try and apologize. And like a fool, you let them.

Not this time. At least, not yet.

It's not fair to you, the way they seem content to say whatever they want and expect you to forgive them. They broke up with me.

And of course, the doubt always creeps in. If they can throw you away so easily - are you just a placeholder? Some girl they can keep around until someone better comes along? Someone prettier, stronger, a better fit. Your powers have no combat applications (your major is actually an independent study allowing you to research most of your days, avoiding combat and acting classes to focus on science), and you'd never thought of yourself as a particularly attractive person. It's easy to feel out-of-place when your partner's closest friends are practically models - and could kick your ass twice over on a bad day.

That's where your thoughts go, as hours turn to days and Jordan hasn't even texted once. When it first crosses your mind that maybe, just maybe, they actually meant it.

Three days. That's how long it takes for them to call - a personal best for them. You let it go to voicemail, and you almost delete it without listening. But you do listen. And it feels just as shitty as it usually does, hearing the strain in their voice as they try to cover up the fact that they were crying.

But you don't call back. Not that night. Or when they call the next night. Or when they start texting - and you put your phone on do not disturb - so your friends stop looking at you like that.

That's also what gets you out the door Friday night after shimmying into your favorite dress, even letting your best friend paint your eyelids a sparkling gold color.

They broke up with me. That's what you tell yourself as you feel guilt rising in your chest, entering the party somewhat hesitantly. They broke up with me, I can do what I want.

You didn't mean to end up grinding on this girl (you didn't know her name, and frankly, you didn't want to know), it just sort of... happened. You were three shots in, comfortably buzzed, and you hadn't even seen Jordan. You'd finally been able to shove your feelings about them into the back of your mind, dancing with your friends, when this girl you'd never seen before made her way over.

You'd thought she was there to pull your friend Lucas away (not an uncommon experience), but her eyes seemed glued to you - and your hips - as you moved to the beat.

It was totally platonic! At first. Then she gives you another shot and her hands are sliding lower on your body, and it's so easy to let her move you closer. Her fingertips tugging gently until you're moving against her, and it feels natural. You're trying not to think about Jordan, and about how (despite how delicious her touch felt) this girl was decidedly not who you wanted to be dancing with.

You used to joke with Jordan that their gaze had a physical presence. That you could feel them looking at you, even in your sleep. But it didn't feel so funny when you could feel their glare burning through you as the mystery girl pressed her body against yours in a move that felt almost too intimate for a public place.

So yeah, you didn't mean to end up grinding on a hot stranger. And you didn't intend to make Jordan jealous by being here. But if the opportunity presents itself...

And you couldn't deny, it felt good. Even though this wasn't the first time you two had an "off" phase, this was the first time you'd ever acted like you were single. I am single. They broke up with me. You have to remind yourself that it's their own fault. They should feel bad!

And yet, you can't help but feel guilty. Or angry. It's hard to tell which feeling is stronger - your guilt or your resentment. So you keep dancing, and try to shake the weight of their gaze.

And it's almost working. Her lips brush your throat, her hot breath tickling your neck, and you sigh, your eyes fluttering closed. You can almost forget that it isn't Jordan you're dancing with as you lean your head back onto her shoulder. But when she goes to get another round, another body takes her place immediately.

You know who it is before they even touch you, their cologne sending a thousand memories careening through your mind. Memories of long nights, romantic dates, and walking home from class. Memories of bad fights and the cold mornings that followed.

"Princess." They practically growled, and you weren't sure if you'd ever heard them quite like this. "You know you shouldn't go out alone." Their lips ghost over your neck, just where the girl's had been, and you hate how right it feels, even now.

"I'm not alone." You manage, and you try not to wince at the hoarseness in your voice. "I came with my friends."

"Lucas and Kelly? They left." Jordan's answer comes too quickly, and you realize they must've been here for a bit longer than you'd realized. "About three shots ago, if I recall correctly." They move even closer, if that was even possible. "You really should pay better attention to your surroundings, princess."

You know they can feel the way you shiver and press closer to them as they talk. You know they know the effect they have on you. They always have. But you can't give in. Not this time. You can feel your will weakening, and you have to force yourself not to melt even more in their embrace. They broke up with me. You remind yourself.

"I've been in good hands." You say, trying to sound nonchalant. "Speaking of..." You make a show of looking for the girl - even though you think you'd rather eat your own foot rather than leave Jordan's embrace before you have to.

"The bartender's showing her out." Jordan murmurs tightly, and you know you should be furious that Jordan bribed the bartender to get your dance partner kicked out, but you couldn't muster the anger. They guided you out of the party and to a bench outside, their body curled around you like a shield.

"If you think this changes anything-" You begin, but your protestation sounds weak, even to your ears. "You can't keep doing this to me, Jordan." You wanted to sound firm - like you were giving them an ultimatum. But it sounded more like a cry - and maybe it was. But you take a deep breath through your nose and try to sound stronger. "Either you're in or you're out. You can't just throw me out when you get tired of me, and then come back when you -"

"Is that what you think is happening? That I've been breaking up with you to play at being some kind of fuckboy?"

"I-" You start, your brow furrowing slightly.

"I'm not running to someone else, fuck, princess, I'm running from how I feel about you! Isn't that obvious? I fucking need you, and it's fucking terrifying. How-" They step away, running their hand through their hair. "How could you think I could ever be tired of you?"

"Everyone else is! God, Jor, I'm nowhere near as interesting or powerful or attractive as you or any of the people you hang around. Why would you settle for-"

Your face is cupped in their hands before you can finish your sentence, their eyes staring into yours like they're trying to read your thoughts. "I don't settle, princess. I never have." They said firmly, and then their lips are on yours, and you can't think of anything but Jordan. They still taste the same. All cigarettes and cinnamon gum and everything you'd been missing.

Usually, you'd be embarrassed about making out in public, but the alcohol in your veins and the Jordan of it all has you straddling their lap without a second thought. You're not sure when they shifted, or why, but you're grateful to have her bob to tangle your fingers in as you deepen the kiss, and to have her neck under your teeth as you nip at her throat.

"You know, Tara has had her eye on you for awhile. Or so I've heard." They said, trying to sound more casual than they did.

"Was that her name?" You murmur, your lips traveling up their throat to their ear. You smirk when you feel them shiver under you. "She doesn't dance as good as you."

"She's a dance major." They say, and you wonder if they'd looked her up before.

"Maybe she doesn't know my body as well as you do." You murmur, pressing closer to them as you tug their earlobe with your teeth, making them shiver under you again.

They shifted before practically pulling you with them to their dorm. And they spent the night showing you just how special they thought you were.

[twsthc]

twst character playlists pt. 2 🎧☆

⚠️ warnings: not a warning but i just wanted to say that i have 2-3 asks in my drafts rn!!! i have not been ignoring you ive been procrastinating studying for finals and sleeping ^_^!!! they should be answered soon i prommy, ty for ur patience <3

last updated: december 17, 2023

🌹 🎼

Riddle: Red Velvet - Day 1 , Lee Hi - Only , Laufey - Promise , Beabadoobe - Glue Song , Men I Trust - Show Me How , Humming Urban Stereo - Banana Shake

cutie patootie basically

also music thats easy to study to!!! i just swiped this from my study playlist.

Ace: VANO 3000 - Running Away [adult swim] , Gorillaz Ft. Kali Uchis - She's My Collar , Worthikids - Friends In Low Places , Joey Valence & Brae - GUMDROP

music i listen to in roller skating rinks and drinking slurpees and crying

only ace uses a skateboard and probably wouldn't be crying and would drink the cola icee instead of the blue raspberry one

Deuce: AC/DC - Highway to Hell , Dominic Fike - Mama's Boy , The Offspring - Pretty Fly (For A White Guy) , Army Of Lovers - Crucified , Joan Jett and the Blackhearts - Bad Reputation

"ACDC stands for acedeuce" -someone from the twsthc server

ummm not really much to add to this. deucepel canon. join my server

Cater: Aliyah's Interlude - IT GIRL , Girls Generation - Gee , IVE 아이브 - After LIKE , NewJeans - Super Shy , LE SSERAFIM - Eve, Psyche & The Bluebeard's wife

BITCH, YOU KNOW IM SEXY. UGH! DONT CALL, JUST TEXT ME XP

cater is a kpop stan and knows all the lyrics and dances and hums them randomly whilst walking down the hallway i saw her

Trey: Fuji Kaze - Shinunoga E-Wa , CAFUNÉ - Tek It , monsune - OUTTA MY MIND , piri & tommy - soft spot , Essosa - Waste My Time , Tatsuro Yamashita - Fragile

chill as fuck. in his zone. moisturized. at peace.

he plays this on low levels as he bakes and while hes studying

🥩🎶

Leona: SZA - Broken Clocks , Childish Gambino - Redbone , Kendrick Lamar , Money Trees , Tyler, The Creator - See You Again , willowsmith - Wait a Minute! , Tyla - Water

leona is a part of the sassy male apocalypse

listens to Broken Clocks while its raining like he just went thru a breakup (he didnt)

Ruggie: Chief Keef - I Don't Like , jnhygs - JERK! , babyxsosa - EVERYWHERE I GO , Flo Milli - Conceited , Ice Spice - Princess Diana , Brent Faiyaz - Been Away (Jersey Club Remix) 

n i just fell n luv w a gangster, so he put my name n a tatt

but i dont let em come 2 the crib, so we get it on where we at

Jack: Outkast - Ms. Jackson , Destiny's Child - Bills, Bills, Bills , The Notorious B.I.G - Big Poppa , MF DOOM - Rapp Snitch Knishes , 2Pac - California Love

lalalalalaaa

my favorite african american

🫧🎵

Azul: Queen - Killer Queen , Joan Sebastion - Secreto de Amor , Caravan Palace - Rock It For Me , Lady Gaga - Americano , Chicago - We Both Reached For the Gun

once again older jazzy sounding songs

also electroswing. the octatrio are electroswing, and the Chicago musical

Jade: The Buttress - Brutus , Elita Harkov - Sour Switchblade , Elita Harkov - Mentally Not Here , KikuoHana - 不幸屋の娘 , NASTYONA - 09 요단강

in part one i put their cute girly girl hiking mushroom collecting playlist but here is their fucked up evil plotting and biting playlist

also useful for studying and lounge shifts! three in one!

Floyd: DIGITAL CIRCUS - Pilot Official Soundtrack , Kikuo - 天国へ行こう , Rufus Wainwright - Another Believer , Chuu - Heart Attack (sped up) , SB Soundtrack - Clownfish Capers

what can i say

silly goofy music for a silly goofy guy

🌞🎼

Kalim: Heavenly - P.U.N.K Girl , No Doubt - Just A Girl , TWINKLE ♡ HEART/jun 音源 , Cascada - Everytime We Touch (Nightcore) , Dolly Style - Cherry Gum (Nightcore) , S3RL - All That I Need

hime gyaru kalim lives

i snuck in nightcore and S3RL im really not sorry

Jamil: Marie Madeleine - Swimming Pool , X-RAY SPEX - I Am a Poseur , Vundabar - Alien Blues , Memo Boy - Insomniac

just a girl

👑🎶

Vil: Lady Gaga - Beautiful, Dirty, Rich , Barry Manilow - At the Copa , NewJeans - ETA , Judy Singh - Up and Down , Amy Winehouse - Stronger Than Me

Epel: MF DOOM - Doomsday , Primus - The Devil Went Down To Georgia , The Crane Wives - The Moon Will Sing , October Country - My Girlfriend Is a Witch ,

The Devil Went Down To Georgia is the type of shit epel would listen to while performing the most back breaking nail chipping farm chores

Rook: I Monster - Lust for a Vampyr , Kali Uchis - I Wish you Roses , peace - stolen dance , Lamp - From The Window ,

☠🎵

Idia: TOPHAMHAT-KYO -Princess♂ , LamazeP - 難聴系男子が倒せない , Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan OP , BLEND-A - Bon Appetit S , Bakudan Poppy - Oha-Yo-del , Dancing Samurai

🐉🎼

Malleus: Soap&Skin - Me and the Devil , Yoko Kanno - Green Bird

Silver: Korn - All in the Family , batta - chase , Lil Boodang - Jesus Don't Like That I'm Gay but Satans Cool With It , My Chemical Romance - Teenagers ,

yes thats the name of that song

emo teen music, not cos theyre an emo teen but cos lilia introduced the genre

Sebek: deaf, doesn't listen to music

Lilia: BABYMETAL - Headbangeeeeerrrrr!!!!! , Graveyardguy (feat. Slayyyter) - Final Girl , NANAOAKARI - One Room Sugar Life

[jaimiofalltrades]

Pride and Vexillology

For Pride Month, I wanted to go back and redesign a pride flag. Just cause, well, and I mean this with the utmost respect...

MOST OF THEM SUCK

I'm sorry, but, like, a lot of flags do this in general, not just pride flags. Look at how many European nations are represented by a flag of three solid red, white, and blue. How do you tell them apart? Beats me.

And, most pride flags fall into this same trap. All of their symbolism tends to be in the colors of stripes... Which doesn't tell you anything at first glance. Cool. This flag looks like a sunset. What's it represent?

So, what makes a flag good?

There's some general rules of vexillology, which is the study and hobby of flag design

Keep it simple

Use meaningful symbolism

Don't use words or seals

Be distinct

In my opinion, the best flag with these ideas in mind, would be those like the Canadian or Welsh flags - simple tricolors with a unique identifier, such as a maple leaf or a dragon

So I'm genderfluid. And my flag looks like this.

It's... not that great.

As my main issue with pride flags in general, it's just stripes! The colors are good. Pink for fem days, blue for masc days, purple for those days inbetween, white for all and black for none.

But at a glance... how should someone know what it's about?

So, here's my hand at a new genderfluid flag, with some more consideration.

The first thing I did was change the stripes to repeated chevrons, creating a wave to convey the fluid state

Then, I added an identifier. I was decided to go with delta, as it's used in mathematics to represent change (∆x=x2-x1,) but it has fairly straight lines, which doesn't quite go with the concept of fluidity

Luckily, the lowercase delta (δ) is also used in the same way, though typically to convey smaller changes.

I chose to make it white, to show fluctuations across all genders, while the other colors act as the base.

The final result is this

I'm fairly proud of it. And, if you wanna check out how it looks as an actual, y'know, flag, then here's the link to the flag waver web app (not mine, just useful for flag design)

Loading in my version of the genderfluid flag, here it is at a couple points.

I think that turned out well.

Now, why am I posting this on the very last day during the very last hour of Pride month for this year?

Uhm, well, you see, uhhhhh...

Procrastination sucks, man.

Seeya!

Edit (December 2024) - I realized several months ago that I'm not, in fact, genderfluid. I'm just a binary trans woman. Oops.

Oh well. I'll keep this up cause, like, LGBTQIA+ solidarity, y'know?

[insidekaz]

I'm in a bit of a creative overhaul...

No, I don’t mean creative burnout, but rather a spontaneous and spiteful sensation has over the creative gears in my mind and is allowing me, for once, to actually get long-postponed products done. Of course, this randomized sense of productivity wasn't based on much personal choice, but rather the procrastinated realization of being hurt by someone I believed I could trust. As the saying goes,

To be burned by the candle once is to remember the pain forever.

At least, I think that's how it goes. Can't really remember on if I've heard it from somewhere or if I just made it up one day.

Regardless,

I've been inspired to shove all creative output to the front of my mind and banish the negative connotations I have about myself to the back of my head until... I'm ready to deal with them.

Yes, I am aware that I'm constantly prolonging the possibility of talking about my problems, but let's not focus on that right now.

This post has been sitting in my draft for about three days longer than I've wanted it to, which is a bit concerning on my part, considering that I usually get these post done same day.

I've just been s t r e s s e d if that makes any sense. I'm behind on some projects, missed deadlines on others, and now I'm just sitting her wondering. All of these ideas I have in my head, written down, and the files are all put together, probably more put together than I'll ever be. Why is creating the final product so hard? Like, I'm all hyped up to get my work out there, yet actually reaching the finish line seems to be the fucking hardest thing, if that's a relatable feeling at all.

And I already know what you're thinking: "Kaz, if you're getting this stressed about content creation, maybe it just isn't for you."

Trust me, I've already been told that several times more than I want to. This is stressful, yes, but no one said that this was going to be easy, did they? I'm not stressed cause I think I won't succeed. I've had may more people tell me that my rather unorthodox way of thinking is entertaining. Hell, maybe I'll be able to actually monetize my antics and not be living paycheck to paycheck.

It's the fear of my madness being rejected that scares the shit out of me.

It's the very idea that my crazed mind will be further alienated from society than it already is that keeps me awake at night. I take anti-psychotics, but they less allow me to take a handle on my mind and moreso make me marginally more socially acceptable for the outside world. Trust me when I say that me off of my meds is an experience that's only comedic once.

FUCK

THIS

POST

IS

LONG

Prime example as to why I don't allow myself to go on full rants like this. If I allowed myself to get all of my thoughts out, I might get the attention of either a famous author who wants to take me under their wing or a few scientist who might wanna study me to see just how I tick on the inside. I better hop off for now. Might come back in a few days, might not. Don't worry, I'm not going to go and do something stupid. If I do, I'm sure someone who cares is gonna find me alive.

[0daytrick0]

Week 8...?

It's been a wild ride, but I'm nearly there. I am currently drowning in all of the work I have to complete, but the finish line is in sight.

I currently have 5 assessments that I need to start along with one exam to study for - well at least watch the lectures and stay on top of it before the exam.

Full time uni, let me tell you, even with having a flexible job, to maintain consistency and manage your time... It's a hurdle.

I just keep telling myself that it's my first official term at uni and I'm going to struggle with this one. Especially when I'm still finding my feet to figure out what works.

At the moment all I want to do is play fallout 4. It's my third playthrough and I got back into it after watching the show and now studying and working is a whole new level of hard.

But I will get there. I know I will. I just have to keep my head down now and concentrate. There are a whole lot of assessment to create and submit, but having these massive lectures to attend ONLINE, man, it makes it way harder than it needs to be. I cannot sit still for more than 30 minutes. 40 minutes on my good day. To have a 4 hour lecture with no breaks, man... It's just setting me up to fail. Especially when I'm in my own house. Do you realise how many distractions there are here? "There is a mark on my desk, let me clean it. I'll go grab a drink of water, oh wait the dishes need doing. I'll just sit down and make a to do list. Oh wait, not until I vaccume my carpet so I can focus."

I have always struggled with procrastination all through school, but this takes the cake. Even things I enjoy doing such as gaming I can't sit still for. It's crazy man. It took so long for me to be able to sit where I am now. To be able to attend University without worldly stress hurdles. I couldn't even attend my bachelor of psychological science after I graduated as I didn't have enough points. So I had to do an online pathways program for three months. I decided to apply for uni and went the year after that only to nearly end up homeless. So then I came back home, got my own place with my partner, and proceed to apply again but online and I am finally here. Ive made it past census date. And I am here for good now.

It took so long to get here. I was so excited about it too. Couldn't wait for a challenge and commit to a grind. But now that it's here... I'm exhausted. I want to quit. I'm starting to not care. I have little focus. It is fascinating at how the human mind works... Whatever the case may be, I am stuck here and commited either way. So I might as well make the most of it and push myself as far as I can (which is not far at the moment).

In between all of this I am trying my best to have money to pay for bills so it's not all reliant on my partner on top of saving money for my tattoo which has been 4 damn years in the making.

I need AT LEAST 5k to be able to drive there, afford the tattoo, and have money for food and accommodation. It's possible. It most definitely is, even with my studies. But it's the saving part that's the hardest. My god is it hard. When I finally can afford things, I just spend all my money on things I like. Don't get me wrong, it's things I use and have wanted for a while. But damn man, I really have to set my priorities. But a budget book and be strict with myself. Honestly, I need to be strict with myself with everything. Studying, saving, eating, going to the gym. I just really need to change my whole mindset and push myself. It's not about motivation, it's about consistency and building habits.

In other news, I finally bought my dream iPad pro along with the apple pencil. I couldn't afford it outright, and I couldn't justify saving for an iPad when I also want a tattoo. So I ended up using a credit card. Which is dangerous and I always swore to myself I would never do. But! I am only using it to pay off the iPad and will delete it once it's paid off. I have also locked the card and will hide the card away from myself. I will not build debt on appliances.

Right now I am planning out my whole week, dedicating time to the priorities, and making time to work as well as work out. It's going to be a massive week, but if I can just start all of these assessments, it won't be so bad.

[junipers-archive]

Hi !!! I love your fics so much! They make me physically feel things and that’s the best feeling 🥹 if you do requests could you write something with Spencer where his gf is still at uni and just really overwhelmed with studying or writing stuff because she procrastinates do badly and she like blames herself but he makes it all better and looks after her ?🥹

Thank you sm!! honestly I needed this bc I've been over-working myself too :')

You were tired, no, beyond tried you were drained, worn out and fatigued. But to be fair, it was your own fault, you were the one who had insisted on persuing a phd, but unlike Spencer it was your first one. And you didn't think it'd be this hard.

But thats beside the fact, as of current you were on your way to meet said boyfriend for lunch.

When you finally get to the agreed resturaunt you can barley hold yourself up, it'd been a tough night you'd had three exams upcoming and you'd unwisely decided to pull an all-nighter.

When you see him a wave of relief follows as you basically flop against him. And maybe its the way you start to shake or the silent sighs you let out while clinging to him but you don't realize he's led you back to your car until you look up.

"Where are your keys?" he's looking down at you with a concerned expression and you can't hold back your tears now.

"W-what are you doing?"

He tilts his head like you've said the most absurd thing in the world, finding the keys in your purse and opening the car.

Once you're both inside he finally answers, "We are going home."

You feel terrible, all he wanted to do was eat lunch, he took time out of his busy schedule and now he has to take care of you?

"You-You don't have to Spence, I-I'm sorry, I just, I had a hard time studying because my professor she wanted an essay by the end of the week and I procrastinated and it's all my fault i'm so stupid-"

He silences you as he puts his hand over yours, reaching over as he drives you both home, squeezing it comfortingly.

"I know. I know Y/n, I was a phd student too and I know. And you're not stupid, you're just tired. It's okay to be tired."

Those words alone make your heart clench.

When you get home to your shared apartment he carries you bridal style despite your attempts to disuade him.

He lays you down on your couch, placing the fluffiest blanket you own on top. Kissing your forehead as he relieves you of his warm arms.

"I'll be right back." You're about to argue for him to go back to work but he pecks your lips, letting them linger sweetly before you can.

He returns with his hands filled with your favorite tea, two facemasks, an entire cookie can, a menu and more.

About to question him he answers like he can read your mind,

"For take out! Remember that Chinese place we were looking at?"

He sits down on the other side of the comfy sage couch, lifting your feet to rest on his lap and replacing your thin no-show socks with fuzzy penguin ones, turning on the tv he hands you the remote.

The tea is placed beside you on the coffee table, the cookie can sits between you and once he orders from the menu he helps you apply the face masks.

Funnily enough he grabbed the only ones you had that were animal themed, and when you're both 'exfoliating' and relaxing he looks like panda and you a duckling.

You watch 'Star Wars: Return Of The Jedi' and he answers the door when the takeout gets there.

As you're eating Kung-pow chicken, snuggled against him, now changed into your comfiest pjs you realize you'd forgotten to say thank you. But nothing seems like a big enough thanks for what he's done, so you reach over to squeeze his hand, and he gets it instantly.

"There's no need, its my job to take care of you. I love you. You're my person." And he's smiling and he's perfect and you think then that you could sit here in this moment for the rest of your life.

[violetfoxviolarose]

More N.E.R.D.S. Incorrect Quotes

What can I say, these dweebs have impeccable chemistry, canon and headcanon. They're too perfect. I'm picturing teen/college them saying this, btw.

No, I didn't make this procrastinating studying for my chemistry final, what are you talking about?

Anyway, enjoy!

Ruby: What is the one thing I told you not to do? Julio: Burn the house down. Ruby: And what did you do? Julio: I made dinner. Ruby: Julio: Ruby: Julio: And burnt the house down. ~~~~~~~ Jackson: Hello friends! The Squad: Jackson: You might be wondering why I’m taped to the ceiling ~~~~~~ Heathcliff: Go fuck yourself. Jackson: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward! ~~~~~~ Matilda: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window. Jackson: ...We're on the ground floor. Matilda: I know but I want a dramatic exit. ~~~~~~ Jackson: Doctor = $140,000 a year, Furry artist on patreon = $160,000 a year. Julio: I think you’re lowballing the furry art amount tbh. Jackson: Sorry for the inaccuracies Doctor Yiff. Julio: No matter how I respond I don’t look well, well played. I walked into that. Matilda: Well, furry artists are typically more competent and courteous than your average doctor, so I can see that. Ruby: Did you legitimately just tell me that a person who draws wolf ass is more competent than a dude who spent 8+ years in university to give you a lung transplant? Matilda: Doctors are bullshit and furry artists perform an infinitely more valuable service to society compared to them. Ruby: You will die in 7 days. Duncan: It took doctors 10 years to diagnose what was wrong with me, some insisting I was faking it for attention, while a furry artist I knew said “Sounds like Crohn’s” after hearing me complain once and ended up being right. Duncan: Besides I can’t go to a doctor and ask them to draw Rouge the Bat wider than she is tall with tits to match, now can I? Matilda: You could if you weren’t a fucking coward. Heathcliff: This was like 50 consecutive punches to the face, what the fuck went on here. ~~~~~~ Matilda: How do you want your coffee? Julio: Black, like my soul. Matilda: Matilda: Julio, your soul is a latte. ~~~~~~ Heathcliff: Hi, who's this? Ruby changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures. Duncan: What's mine? Heathcliff: Dwarf. Duncan: SHE'S SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT! Heathcliff: Oh, hey Duncan. Duncan: FUCK! ~~~~~~ Jackson: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you’re single? Heathcliff: Do not do that. Jackson: You won’t even notice! Ruby, entering: Jackson, you wanted to see me again? Jackson: Heathcliff's single Heathcliff: ~~~~~~ Matilda: No, this is not a mess. You know what I consider a mess? Duncan: Your life? Matilda: I- well yes, but- ~~~~~~ Duncan: You're ugly. Jackson: Tone indicator? Duncan: Oh I'm sorry! You're ugly. /srs ~~~~~~ Any of them, tbh: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count. ~~~~~~ Duncan: What's the signal when something goes wrong? Jackson: We yell, "oh shit" Ruby: ...That'll work ~~~~~~

Heathcliff: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon? Matilda: I'm a knife! Duncan, from across the room: She's the little spoon. ~~~~~~ Matilda, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs? Julio: It means like in hand-to-hand combat Matilda: Ohhhh- Duncan: Both of you get out of this kitchen. ~~~~~~ Heathcliff, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy Ruby: I will short out the language center of your brain if you say anything like that ever again. ~~~~~~ Matilda: Make her pussy wet not her eyes. Heathcliff: Make his dick hard not his life. Jackson: Break her bed not her heart. Julio: Play with her boobs not her feelings. Ruby: Get on his dick not his nerves. Duncan: Always salt your pasta when boiling it. ~~~~~~ Duncan: We call that a traumatic experience. Duncan, turning to Matilda: Not a "bruh moment". Duncan, turning to Jackson: Not "sadge". Duncan, turning to Julio: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO". ~~~~~~ Jackson: All of your existences are confusing. The Squad: How so? Jackson: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me. ~~~~~~ Matilda: A butterfly! Hey, little guy, gal or nonbinary pal! Jackson: Can a butterfly be nonbinary? Matilda: I mean, maybe? I don't judge. Julio, staring dreamily out of the window: Ah, have you ever imagined having butterfly wings? Then- Ruby: Then it would be inconvenient as fuck. Your wings would smack every doorframe and your clothes would have to have holes in the back. Heathcliff: Also, your wings are paper thin, so even a six year old aiming a NERF gun at it would ... Yeah... Duncan: *sips coffee* According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a- Julio: No, nononono. You fuckers have already shattered my dream, you don't get the fucking privilege to make that reference. Jackson: Also, it's about a butterfly, not a bee... Why would you make that reference? Matilda: You clearly have not lived with him long enough.

[ddaengstudies]

Wabi-Sabi Studyblr Challenge

wabi-sabi (侘寂)

Combination of two old words with overlapping definitions, wabi-sabi might be the Buddhist view of the facts of existence: Both life and art are beautiful not because they are perfect and eternal, but because they are imperfect and fleeting. (japanology, 2016)

Hello again! As the semester ends and I'm (finally) graduating college, and after seeing you all enjoy my last challenge, I was willing to create another one, a different one this time, cause I know times have been hard, we are facing new changes as we go back to "normal life" and honestly we all need a bit of relaxation.

info.

wabi-sabi challenge is born out of this need to continuously question and improve the studyblr community, with the goal of visibilizing not only the pleasing aesthetics of it but the hard work and the struggles the students face while striving high to meet their goals.

This is a short challenge, so feel free to adapt it to your schedule, add it to another challenge, use it to post during your summer break, whatever fits you best.

I will be starting the challenge on June 7th, however, feel free to start, end, post, whenever it works best for you.

If you decide to join me in this challenge, use the hashtag #wabi-sabi studyblr challenge so I can keep track of your amazing posts and can reblog them!

aims.

As stated before, the aim of the wabi-sabi challenge is to shine a light and normalize to an extent, that academic journeys are not just the great things we mostly post, that there are as many bad days as there are good days, that we must embrace the journey as something beautiful in all of its imperfection.

Also, as you may already know, this is an effort to provide a safe space for all, times are still hard and we need to keep going, one step at a time.

rules.

If you want to do this challenge, please reblog this post

This is a short challenge, it should not be a burden to the way you post so you can post as frequently as you like/are able to.

Please be respectful. If some of the prompts ask for personal insights please have in mind that everyone has had different experiences and POVs.

prompts.

What series/movie has been sitting on your watchlist forever? And what is it that keeps pushing it back from being enjoyed?

If you're into podcasts, be honest, what podcast was added to your list to listen to someday but is just there? also, please recommend us a podcast.

Share us a playlist that's on top of the list because I'm sure there are others I want to hear but this one is already here on top so I might as well listen to it again.

Name that one book you bought and swear you're going to get to, probably have read the first three pages or so but now it's just there.

How often do you get the need to change your working space layout?

Rank your classes from most to least to make you want to scream your lungs out/cry.

If you're on TikTok, link us to a good one.

A hobby you picked up and haven't really had the time to go back to/didn't end up liking that much

Use this space to tell us anything in a "Today I learned" way

tag game (the linked page is a template, you could, of course, use any other tag game you'd like)

If comfortable, share with us a little bit of your researching process, do you make an outline? a schedule? and how well do you stick by it?

Okay, quick question, when was the last time you had a mental health day?

Pinterest is amazing, what's one pin that you came across and was like yeah, I could do that

Digital agenda, google calendar, notion, bullet journal, paper agenda, or something entirely different? do please tell us how well organizing your time has turned out for you.

Tell us a bit about your life journey, as much as you're comfortable sharing.

taglist.

a special thanks to @just-a-cup-of-anxietea @soaked-in-starlight @godzilla-studies @appreciating-apricity @coco-bean for replying to a post I made that ultimately helped put this challenge together.

I'm tagging people that took part in my last challenge, hopefully you'll want to be part of this too. If you want me to add you to the list so you can get reminded of it, reply to the post or send me a message, i'll remind you.

@myhoneststudyblr @gammastudies @studywithsab @productivebuddy @studyambitiouss @hopebooks @coffeambition @diaryofastemstudent @theologei @study-in-cafes @heyeducateyourself @cofitee @verypolish-studyblr @studycris @future-engr @studydiaryofamedstudent @coffee-catz @illya-studies  @problematicprocrastinator @fiercelittlestudyblr @serendistudy @bulletnotestudies @study-van @bright-goals​ @notebookist @study-van @kaoskuantico @messy-does-cosmology @bulletnotestudies

disclaimer.

I do have to clarify, this is all in good spirits, I do not intend to promote procrastination as self-destructive behaviour, this is all about non-linear productivity and the visibilization of it because we have grown accustomed to hiding the "ugly" the imperfect parts of our journeys as if forgetting that we are multidimensional beings, that we are allowed to not be mainstream productive 24/7. With that being said, don't push your limits too much with this challenge, do what you're comfortable with, share as much or as little as you'd like, you don't owe the internet insight into your personal/academic journey.

[heyboke]

SWIPED RIGHT! | Kageyama Tobio x Reader SMAU

0:10 — Pinky Promise and...

NOTE: I understand if some of my readers only prefer the SMAU part, so I made this update flexible so you can still get what’s happening without reading the writing part! Keep in mind that you still have to click on ‘Keep Reading’ to access the following photos!

But, some of the parts can’t be translated through social media screenshots so reading the writing part will really help you understand the characters and what’s happening to the story on a deeper level! ☻

Word Count: 3344 words

YOUR POV

After concluding Bokuto-senpai's non-stop blabbering about the movie he watched last night to procrastinate from studying, the boys were finally able to go to their locker room to freshen up for their long-awaited BBQ Friday.

I decided to wait for them on the bench just outside the gym. Their four hour training went by so fast that when I looked up at the sky, the stars were already twinkling. The cool breeze I only get to enjoy at night hugged my skin as the winds started to lightly gust against my bare sleeves. Ugh, I forgot to bring a hoodie with me tonight.

My thoughts were interrupted as I received Tobio-kun's very random text. It was a very pleasant surprise that unconsciously plastered a huge smile on my face. I was too busy texting him that I didn't even notice the whole team standing in front of me, all ready to go.

"What's that on your phone that's making you grin like the Grinch?" Akaashi asked, trying to subtly take a peek on my phone screen. I immediately locked the device and put it inside the pocket of my sweatpants.

"No need to peek, Akaashi! Let's not waste anymore time... let's go!" I said, jumping out of the bench as the whole team started to walk, carrying on with their small talks.

The gray haired captain stood out since he was ahead of everyone, hopping like a kangaroo while shrieking about how he's been craving for Barbecue for so long now and that he can't believe he finally got the blue check on Twitter.

I was walking alongside Akaashi at the far end side of the group, watching everyone ahead of us with a comfortable silence lingering between us.

"Do you need help with your bag? I can carry it for you." He asked, breaking the silence.

"It's fine, it's fine! I can carry it on my own. Besides, you've already had such a long training. I don't want to burden you with such a small thing." I said, smiling at him to assure him that it's fine.

"Oh, speaking of my bag... hold up," I muttered, stopping on my tracks as I opened my bag to get something.

"What's up?" Akaashi uttered his third question since I saw him outside of the gym. I shuffled through my things until I finally found what I was looking for.

"Aha! Here. I got it while y’all were doing your spiking drills." I said, handing him a slightly chilled bottle of Vanilla protein shake.

"Oh. Thanks, Y/N. It's been a while since you gave me something as boujee as a protein shake. Hmm, someone's loaded today." Akaashi teased, a small smile smothering his gorgeous face. It is an unsaid arrangement between the both of us that I can only give something a little fancy to him, or to anyone, when I have extra savings with me.

"Shut up! I've been saving up for tomorrow for quite some time now. Just... shut up and be grateful for that, Keiji." I said, chuckling as I playfully hit his arm.

"Why? What's so special about tomorrow?" he asked, eyebrows scrunching up together in curiosity.

"Didn't I tell you? To—"

"WE'RE FINALLY HERE!! YAAAY!!!" Bokuto hollered, cutting me off from telling Akaashi about my plans with Tobio-kun, Hinata-kun and my bestfriends for tomorrow. The familiar aroma of savory and mouthwatering meat being grilled, instantly filled my nostrils. I just realized that I've been distracting myself from how hungry I actually am all this time.

"God, I'm so hungry. Y'all were taking so long. If I wasn't on such a good mood, I would've been so hangry by now!" I said, eyes locked on the grilling area on the side of the restaurant where the Barbecue we've been dying to eat is being prepped.

Good thing, Bokuto-senpai already reserved a table for us ahead of time. The short list of things that the simple-minded captain would not procrastinate on would certainly include Volleyball and his favorite food, Barbecue.

Everyone decided to sit down on their desired seat. I felt comfortable sitting at the very far end of the booth’s couch. Since Akaashi and I were already walking side by side, it made sense that he just sat beside me on the couch too.

The rest of the team, and most likely even me, were practically drooling at the sight of barbecue being served to the tables around us. Yukie-san, one of the current managers of the team, is known for her great love for food. She decided to take matters in to her own hands and stood up for everyone. She simply asked one of the servers to follow up our orders.

Some of the third years, Konoha-san, Komi-san and Sarukui-san, were struggling to deal with an impatient Bokuto that was on the verge of going on emo mode.

“Where’s Akaashi? Didn’t he...“ the captain mumbled, pouting as he searched for the setter that was seated beside me.

“Oh, no. Bokuto-san’s Weakness #42. He becomes impractically impatient when people make him wait for his food, most especially when he’s hungry after training.” I hear Akaashi mutter beside me. I looked at him and he seems like Doctor Strange, looking at and calculating the different possibilities of what can happen if the captain won’t be able to get his food anytime soon.

Thankfully, Yukie-san came back to our table with at least two servers holding stacks of Barbecue on their trays, gently placing them on the table in front of all of us. Bokuto-senpai’s eyes lit up, even his hair seemed to perk up in excitement as he saw the Barbecue he’s been dying to eat being served in front of him.

“ALRIGHT, Let’s dig in!! This is in honor of me getting the blue check and a reward for all of us after such a hard training!! WOOHOOO!! Enjoy, everyone!!” the captain cheered, taking at least five chunks of meat in his chopsticks and munching the all down in one go.

No matter how hungry I am, I took the time to look at the team in front of me. The mere sight of them enjoying their food is endearing me. Am I really going to be a part of this wonderful team by next week? Do I really belong here?

I snapped out of my thoughts when I saw green vegetables being plopped down on my plate. I looked up and saw Akaashi putting one last piece of greens on my plate.

“Hey, why are you putting all that? I came here for Barbecue and not vegetables, Keiji.” I mocked him, poking the vegetables he just placed on my plate with my own chopsticks.

“Shush, you have to eat those. Even just a couple. They make you healthier. Plus, if you’re going to be our manager, you can’t be getting sick and frail.” he said, not even sparing a glance at me as he started to eat his own food.

Now this... this is one of his gestures that made me grow really fond of him. Some people might think otherwise but for me, Akaashi is not shy at all. Others often mistake his silence as shyness. When in reality, he only speaks up when he thinks it’s necessary — when he thinks it’s worth it. In fact, he is very frank with his words. He’s the type of person that would call you out when you’re doing something wrong, but he’d also compliment you when you’re doing something right. If one tends to focus more on his expressions, they can be convinced that he’s bland because his face really is usually blank. He only ever shows what he feels through his expressions at very rare occasions. Thus, he shows his feelings most of the time through his gestures; be it a small one or a big one.

“Hmph, fine. I’ll just eat more barbecue with it, so I don’t taste it that much.” I said, wrapping the greens with a chunk of meat. Bokuto-senpai, who’s instantly uplifted by now, overheard what I said.

“That’s what I do too when I need to eat vegetables!!! You’re doing the right thing, Y/N!!” he laughed, as he stuffed more barbecue inside of his mouth. The other third years that were worked up on not letting him slip in to his emo mode earlier, were now having the time of their life beside Bokuto-senpai, laughing at each other as they throw jokes at one another from time to time.

“Y/N?” said someone from in front of me. I looked up and saw that the voice belongs to none other than, Kaori-san, the other current manager of the team. She’s so pretty, oh my gosh.

“H-Hello, Kaori-san. Is there anything I could help you with?” I asked, getting a little conscious about the fact that I’m basically eating like a pig in front of someone so gorgeous.

“Oh, nothing! I just wanted to talk to you, even just for a little bit.” She smiled, eating gracefully like a princess. I could never, lol.

“I’m always down for a talk with you, Kaori-san!!” I gushed. Oh my god, do I sound a little too excited? What if she thinks I’m a crazy fangirl? Oh no.

“You’re so cute! Hahaha, anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts right now about the team manager position because I’d be really be at ease knowing that the team is in good hands after Yukie-san and I graduate.” She said, a hint of sadness was evident after she mentioned the fact that they’re graduating this year.

“Oh, of course... Hm, before I even officially become the manager of this team, I can say that I already have a pretty good bond with them... thanks to this one person,” I nudged Akaashi who was peacefully eating beside me and secretly listening to Kaori-san and I’s conversation. Akaashi-kun, you’re not so slick. I might’ve only known you for a little over three months now, but I can feel it when your ears are trying to listen, despite having your eyes focused on something else.

I continued, “I just know that they have something really special about them. At times, I even get intimidated by their bond because not all teams can easily earn it. It takes a lot of time and everyone’s cooperation as well. With that being said, I just want to make sure that I won’t get in their way or anything. I really am taking things seriously and I’ve also been thinking about it a lot lately. I don’t want to make a hasty decision just because I got blinded with such a big opportunity. It’s a commitment that we’re talking about, not just to myself, but to the rest of the team as well.”

I didn’t even realize that I’ve been blabbering like a little kid in front of Kaori-san.

“The fact that you’re thinking about it this much already says a lot, Y/N. Hell, I didn’t even know it’s possible for me to want you to take this position even more!” she chuckled.

“Your words mean a lot to me, Kaori-san! I’ll make sure to keep it in mind once I make my final decision.” I smiled, stuffing my mouth with one of the green vegetables on my plate and Barbecue.

The warmth and liveliness around the table never died down all through out the meal. We even found the gray-haired captain standing up and doing an imitation of this one funny video he watched as a kid. The trays and plates on the table were now empty, while our stomachs were full and satisfied.

“HEY, HEY, HEY!!! Let’s go to arcade now!! Yoohoo!!” Bokuto-senpai started to hop around while flailing his arms in the air, ready to go to this arcade nearby this restaurant. He was so close to leaving the doorway when one of the servers came up to our table.

“Uhm, ma’am and sir, I double checked it on the system but... you haven’t paid for your meals yet,” the server was sheepish on approaching us. She was having a hard time looking at us in the eyes. She’s probably new here.

Everyone stood there in shock and embarrassment, except for Konoha-san and Komi-san who dragged Bokuto-san back inside to pay for our meals.

“OH... I’m so sorry!! I forgot, I didn’t mean to not pay!!” the captain sincerely apologized, quickly paying for everything we ate.

Upon entering the arcade, I couldn’t help but feel giddy and excited. The air inside the arcade just makes me feel alive and want to play games there all day. People around our age and some kids filled the place. Some of them are on dates, while most of them were just hanging out with each other.

The team scattered into groups as they went to the games that best fit their liking. The captain can be seen inside a Zombie-killing booth. His hands are already holding the fake gun inside, ready to unleash his inner warrior because according to him, he always trained himself for an apocalypse that can happen in the future. Some of the third years, like Yukie-san and Kaori-san along with some of the spikers, can be seen on the bowling area.

I rushed to the counter in the middle to get myself tokens and cards to play the games. The air hockey table caught my attention the moment we stepped in the arcade. I was about to swipe my card to play, when I realized I didn’t have anyone to play it with. How much dumber can I get? I obviously can’t play this by myself.

“Go for it. I’ll play with you,” a voice I know too well spoke behind me. I didn’t realize that I kind of ditched him as soon as I got too caught up in excitement with the arcade.

“Okay. Bring it on, Keiji! Don’t you dare go easy on me!” I exclaimed, swiping the card and grabbing the air hockey paddle on the table. My competitive side was showing as I poured my energy in each stride at the puck and attempts to block it from shooting inside my side of the goal.

After a few rounds of air hockey and a little bit of Basketball, where I took a hard L because I was against a well-trained and balanced athlete that shot the ball like it was nothing, I decided to go for a game where I thought I had a bigger shot at winning. I scanned through the games again and my eyes landed on this one game that I knew I’d win against someone like Akaashi.

“Dance Dance Revolution? I never played this game all my life and now you’re asking me to play it with you right now?” he whined, uneasiness showing as he spoke. I felt a little sad, but I didn’t want him to force him on doing something he doesn’t want to do.

“Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to do it. I just really thought it’d be nice to play this with somebody.” I looked down, speaking softly. I hear him take a deep breathe.

“Fine... just one round.” he said. I was so thrilled. I bounced around and swiped my card on the machine. We stepped on the dancing area with the arrows under our feet and got ready to play the game. I chose a dance that was moderately difficult, keeping in mind that by doing so, I’ll increase my chances of winning. It was going really well at first. By looking at Keiji on my peripheral vision, he wasn’t even that bad. I guess the footwork training they do on Volleyball also helps him. Ugh, is there something he can actually suck at?

The most complex part of the dance started and I was slowly panicking. My score was higher, but only by a little. I was getting lost in the game that I didn’t even notice that I stepped at a faulty angle and twisted my ankle.

I winced in pain as I lost my balance and held on the metal bar behind me for support. Akaashi was alarmed as soon as he saw my current state.

“Hey, I’m fine, really. What’s that look on your face, Akaashi?” My poor attempt to chuckle was horrible. I tried to stand up, but the pain I felt on my ankles were stronger than my will to prove Akaashi that I was fine. He rapidly moved away from the game and found himself beside me, checking my, most likely, sprained ankle.

“Okay, it doesn’t look that bad but you can’t work yourself up for a while. I’ll take you home. No more ifs and buts. I’ll just text Bokuto-san and the rest of the team about what happened and that we had to leave sooner than expected.” he sternly said.

The next thing I knew, he was walking me to my house. I found myself on his back, arms wrapped around his chest and legs clung on his waist as he held the side of my thighs for extra support.

The same stars that greeted me while I was waiting for them outside the gym earlier were present as I looked up again at the sky. With that, the same cold breeze of the night blew against my skin. I tried not to shiver, but it was useless since Akaashi felt that I was getting chilly because I was shaking a little.

He stopped on his tracks as he gently put me down on the sidewalk. I was feeling confused until I saw him taking his jacket off and offered me to take it.

“I noticed you were starting to get a little chilly, so here. Take it.” he said. I didn’t even hesitate anymore as I wore his jacket. I felt so much better and we started walking again while he gave me a piggyback ride.

I let out a yawn as I started to feel my eyelids getting heavier and my breathing going slower. I didn’t even know when it happened, but I just know that along the way, I fell asleep on his shoulders.

AKAASHI’S POV

I found myself in front of your house and I knocked on the door. It wasn’t the first time I’ve been here, so your mom let me in as soon as she saw me. I told her about what happened and gave her some tips that will help you recover faster. Given that I was not new to these injuries, I knew exactly what to do.

I opened the door to your room and I softly put you down on your bed. I got some pillows that will help on elevating your sprained ankle and tucked you to bed.

You looked so peaceful. You looked so beautiful.

I’ve always been blunt about what I see and feel about everything. So, why is it that I can’t tell you about these feelings that I feel solely for you?

I wish I can tell you that all your little gifts and efforts for me never go unappreciated.

I know that you’ve recently been growing closer to somebody else. I’m not oblivious about it. I know you, Y/N.

I just hope that it’s not too late by the time I finally build up the courage to tell you about these feelings.

I gave your forehead a soft kiss, before I finally got up and left your room.

YOUR POV

I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that I was already in the comfort of my own room. I checked my phone and saw that it was 2AM. I looked down on my feet and saw that my ankle was really sprained and that I wasn’t just dreaming about it.

I let out a sigh as I remember that Tobio-kun, Hinata-kun, Best Boy Yams and Saltyshima were coming over here later.

Why the fuck did I have to sprain my ankles on the worst day possible?

☆ PARTS ☆

A/N: Here goes my first actual write up in this blog! I would really love to hear your thoughts about it! Stay safe and healthy, lovelies! ♡

taglist: @sugacoatt @kokogxddess @angelynmay @kasandrafaye @exovity @notamazinglizzy @haikyuuopalite @faiima @pyblos @volleybloop @mahalau @applepiekyuu @nvthvlyy @azgucci @tchalameme @mlkytobio @bakibakini @xyelikestobio @beastboypng @nerumiz @unlikelytigerqueen @your-local-lesbo @tycrackculture @almostcrystalized101 @alienvarmint @agneyestra @kthhyj @hakueishirei @sugawsites @wiseeggspickleslime @8zmingi @idiot-juice-enthusiast @lunarknox @wemissyou3000 @90s-belladonna @yeehawnana @mysticlarizza @hyperfixation1 @literaltrash666 @animeboyscangetit @luvelyjjk @cuddlesslut @deathcab4daddy @bloomingforbts @ashleefo @mikantsumiikii @yeehawslap @michelepiekenma @kpopstanh

[letitrainathousandflames]

I don't mean to be invasive - but I just wanted to say I *LOVE* your comic! So so so much because this is how I feel too; and its really relieving to see that I am not alone in this feeling. I was actually wondering if you'd gotten your diagnosis test results back and how you feel about them now? And how difficult was the process of getting a diagnosis if you don't mind me asking? If I am being too forward please dont be afraid to tell me! <3 Well wishes to you!

[warning: this will get long, i’m so sorry...]

Hello! I haven’t yet... I just finished taking the tests yesterday, so it might take a little while for the psychiatrist to “grade” them because there are a LOT of tests.

If I am ADHD, I suspect I am at the innatentive part of the spectrum - which made me a daydreaming, homework-forgetting child but not a loud or disruptive one at school. Being a woman also makes it more difficult to get diagnosed.

But the signs, GOSH the signs. They were everywhere. I was too shy and didn’t talk to anyone - unless to my family and close friends, whom I left exhausted because I talked too much. I kept forgetting my homework. I didn’t write down anything in class bc I was either doodling, daydreaming or sleeping - ADHDers have a different circadian rhythm, so at 7am my brain was still lethargic.

The green coat in the comic? I rescued it from my school’s lost and found box about three times every month bc I kept forgetting it in the classroom. In college, it was my flash drive filled with the entire semester’s assignment. I get lost very easily. I have a cold cup of tea next to me right now - I forgot to drink it while it was hot, about two hours ago.

I could continue listing my many many many symptoms here, but I guess you get the gist of it. Needless to say, I hated school. They wanted me to understand math when all I wanted was to learn topics of my own interests. So I had terrible grades and a confusing paradox: bad grades meant i was dumb. But I was learning basic japanese and two fictional languages and their structures as a hobby. I liked studying how to conjugate verbs in lord of the rings’ elvish for fun. My classmates were struggling with basic english while I was already at intermediate level just because I really wanted to understand the plot of my favorite video games, which were all in english.

I was twelve, juggling four languages in my brain for fun just because words fascinated me, and in spite of that, the adults at my school and the grades on my report said i was dumb. I could already make out song lyrics in english by ear, I had memorized the hiragana alphabet in japanese and I could even hold a small conversation in elvish with a fellow nerd.

But I was dumb to the world, and obviously to myself as well because you internalize that shit when they say it over and over. I perceived my entire worth as my grades, and since they were quite low... yeah.

I’m 30. I only started thinking about the possibility of me not being lazy and having terrible time management skills and just not caring about anything at all around 2-3 years ago, tops. I spent nearly my entire life thinking that I’m just... defective, because everyone else around me seemed to be doing fine.

Still, I consider myself lucky because I live in the age of the internet. I stumbled upon a few posts about dealing with constant disorganization, executive dysfunction, rejection sensitive dysphoria, etc. and it just blew my mind - “other people are dealing with that? other people are suffering with that? and it has a name?? and this condition can be treated/understood/improved???”

About what led me to finally getting my diagnosis - I have this super cool psychiatrist that was helping me with my anxiety (which, haha, might be a symptom of my untreated adhd), and when I told her about my suspicions she said “hey, I wouldn’t suggest this if you were a kid, or a younger person but since you’re a full grown adult, I can prescribe you some ritalin and you take like, half of the smallest dose, just to try and see if it helps you focus.” And it did. So I was like “oh. oh, I need to look deeper into this.”

Now I’m waiting for the results and... trying not to freak out, haha.

If you can, try to find a good therapist - not only therapy might be highly positive to you as it is to me, but your therapist can also point you to the right direction. They’ll be glad to refer you to a professional that can have you tested for any disorder you might have, and will also help you find ways to cope with your shortcomings (for example, to help me stop procrastinating, my therapist made a deal with me to show her at least one new page of my current project on every session ^^”)

Sorry for this being so messy, half-personal confession, half-advice. I hope I didn’t ramble too much. Good luck, dear! I hope you find your happiness soon! <3

[themidnightdisaster]

Slurp's Nanowrimo Journal

Day 1 of Nano

Woah there i was able to write three chapter outlines and gave all my characters their own professions and some traits.

I'm being productive icb. Hoping to finish these chapters before the week ends.

Q1 : What was your first piece of writing?

Overall in literature I would say it's a script for the trailer we made during the 7th grade. *im cringing on grade 7 self fr*

Then in fiction novel, a university au with my classmates as characters I wasn't able to finish it though.

Day 2 of Nano

Was able to write only like 200 words to end the first scene bc i taught my sis for her modular classes.

: ( hope i can make it up tomorrow.

Q2 : What time of the day are you most likely to write? Why?

If it isn't curious with my username, during midnights. The only time of the day where everyone is asleep and my surroundings is peaceful as well. Kinda not healthy but yea, I've been used to it since the start of HS when I'm procrastinating with school tasks.

Day 3 of Nano

My days are alr late I havent realized lol.

So I wrote approximately 500 words last night (a record I guess) and I'm going out today so I have a chance to refresh my mind! Wearing masks ofc hehe.

Q3 : Do you plan or just go with the flow? Why?

With social media aus, I don't plan like not at all. With novels, I don't too but I at least write my ideas vaguely especially when I think it's so mindblowing!

I feel drained when planning traditionally for some reason no one would understand and that includes myself. Lmao.

But for this nano, I outlined my chapters and the vague idea dumps are still there. We'll see what will be the outcome.

Day 4 of Nano

I surprisingly broke a record again! I wrote 2184 words today yoohoo! And i think i finally found a 1 hour writing music for me and starting tom ill be using that. Another miracle, i wrote those in the afternoon so thats why im sleeping early today. How i wish silence like this happens everyday.

Q4: Is a word count important to you? Why or why not?

Yep! I like it when I see my progress through time and it motivates me. But like... word count in a chapter? I dont think its that important. Every novel is different. We all have our own ways.

Day 5 of Nano

I finished my chapter 1 by 5 am so i did nothing writing-related today. I started watching a web drama series and binge watched Chicago Med by night (im planning to find the full episodes)

Q5: What's your favourite writing snack/drink?

I usually go with water especially at midnight since im always thinking by that time, "oh my maybe i havent drink water earlier yet maybe i should drink today" and food? Whatever we have in here.

Day 6 of Nano

Was able to write 1/4 of the chapter, yet im not contented bc i wasnt able to reach the scene i wanted to write. Im worried that i would break the streak tomorrow bc classes are finally starting again. Maybe i would go by 500 words per day. This week. Ill try.

Q6: Do you have a favourite place to write? Do you change it up or write in the same place every time?

I just want somewhere silent and peaceful. At night, I just roam around the house and feel the vibe. During the first days of Nano, I'm on my bed. Now, I'm comfortable to write on my study table even during the day as long as I have my headphones on.

Day 7 of Nano

I fucking have no idea how come im super late in this when i started on nov 2. Eh. Weird.

Anyway, i almost got frustrated when at the 23rd hour of the day, i wrote only 500 words for the chapter 2.

So i skipped to chapter 4. Wrote a flashback as an intro and yea, got 1500 words! Unfortunately, didnt add up for nov 9. So its for today.

Q7: Who is your favourite author?

Well, it's a local author from wattpad. Serialsleeper. She's the only author whom I will read everything whatever she writes! Her mindblowing plot twists, the humor, the characters. I love the way she builds up every character she makes, she makes everything relatable even when her forte is horror slasher! One of my unfinished works is inspired by one of her books. How I wish her books gets translated so she can also gain fame worldwide. She deserves it.

Day 8 of Nano

I didnt write anything for today (yea thanks to the bunch of modules for my sis) but im writing atm. Yea. Im writing on my birthday. What about it?

Q8: What is your favourite book?

This is hard... i dont have anything in particular. Like that all time fave. I love all the books ive read in their own ways.

Day 9 of Nano

So this is the day i literally wrote nothing. went out for lunch in a faraway place, had a celebration when we got home, and watched the half of sonic the hedgehog movie. We got some visitors sleeping over here too so i really wasnt able to write anything. We have no classes tomorrow so i hope i can make up.

Q9: What is the premise of your current project?

The nano one? So, it's a film maker who is making an attempt to reunite her old crew from College to join a film festival in their place. Ok its sound so boring yea but the thing is... it wont be easy for her. Why? Well, she left them hanging after the tragedy she herself made.

Day 10 of Nano

Welp im three days late. This is so bad. Today. Nov 13 i started writing again. And... i want to survive this chapter today !!!!

Q10: What is your favourite genre to write? Why?

Slice of life? That's where I relate to. Friendships, to be exact. A romance story that only not focuses on the romance itself, but also the characters' friendship with others. That's where I guess, comfortable writing about. I got the experience, I got hurt because of friendships too. So there.

Permanent Note : came across this amazing idea by @emotionalfig that i will be answering in the every day! Yay, go try it too!

[pop-punklouis]

Hi loveee 💞

You might be right bc the first time I've heard my older cat hiss was when we showed her our younger cat lmaoo

Yesss attachment theory is so interesting I truly think it helps you understand yourself and others!

No exactly. That or I need someone to like encourage me. Being a perfectionist and having a fear of failure AND procrastinating are the unholy Trinity it runs together. The only reason I didn't abandon painting after a day is bc I somehow was okay at it. You bet your ass I've never watched a single tutorial I simply don't have the patience. I'm either decent naturally or it's not for me 💀

Re: fandom friends: I wholeheartedly agree

Re: shows. Nooo how do you do that 😭 I can't even watch more than one show at a time (unless they're all ongoing shows). I automatically go for light shows as like, coping but I also feel like watching several complex ones at once would be me if I wanted to cope but HARDCORE jfhfhf. Ooh I kinda get that. I liked ST season 3 simply for vibes and aesthetic and like, robin. I thought season 4 (while incredibly different from all seasons) was kinda cool but they kinda ended it messily which sucks. Guess we see where they go for the finale. Supernatural was good then bad then good then wtf?? Then good 👀 then the ending was: trauma I deserve compensation 😭 I do enjoy the earlier black mirror eps more but also I'll eat up more if they did more. White bear is a fav. I also like shut up and dance. I should rewatch it all I've got terrible memory. And I'll deffo be watching midnight mass!

Re: food. Oooh yes Mac and cheese. Simple yet so good. For me I think just Italian food. Pasta. I could have pasta for the rest of my life I think it's just so good.

For today: saw that you're graduating!! Congrats! But that made me realize I didn't know what you're graduating in, so if you feel like sharing, what did you study? Is this a postgrad? Future plans? (I usually hate this question so you can skip the last one!)

Have a wonderful day babe 💗

~🌱

hiiiii babe sorry this is so late this week has been so busy rip but!! i love that about you painting. yeah, i have to at least see some sort of potential in a skill or else i abandon it all together 💀 see! i’m like the opposite of a procrastinator?? if i see i have to do something like three weeks in advance i will think about it obsessively until i do it even though i still have like three weeks to have it done rip it’s so bad. i stress myself over something like i’ve got two days to do it instead of 18 days 🙃 but anyway yeah tutorials have never been my forte either. i like watching paint tutorial videos to help calm my mind down to sleep at night but otherwise

re: shows dude i KNOW i’m truly a masochist with my own brain watching shows. if i’m not watching three at a time i don’t know what i’m doing. it’s so bad. i could never watch multiple shows with other people because it would be a mess 👐🏼 omg how did i forget about robin yesss season 3 of ST had it’s good moments and i loved the robin character introduction. i think i would’ve liked season 4 a lot more if they had stuck to the original lore of the series instead of throwing new thinks in for shock value and plot twists to create new monsters and villains. and holy shit i forgot about the shut up and dance episode of black mirror that was also a really cool one. maybe i also need to rewatch the seasons again. but fr if they came out with more i’d watch them in a heartbeat. pls update me on midnight mass!!! also i recommend you watch 1899 too. i just finished it and i wish i was able to watch it again for the first time. it’s too good ✨

re: food. please love how pasta is both of our favorite foods. what kind of pasta is your favorite? i love cheese tortellini if i had to choose (besides mac & cheese of course)

and yes!! i graduated wednesday with my masters in film & media studies 🥺💕 i truly very little future plans at the moment besides relaxing for the next 5 or so months at home while i figure out what i want to do rip i have a lot of experience in a lot of different things in the industry but nothing has really grabbed me rip would rather just work in an antique store (own one is the dream) for the rest of my life. would be v happy i think 👐🏼

how has your week been? 🤍 have you done any christmas shopping? (if you celebrate!) i feel like christmas has just came so quickly i’m scrambling to do all the shopping and decorating two weeks out 😮‍💨 we just decorated our tree last week so it’s been frantic lol