#projecting displaced aggression and scapegoating in spn

[scoobydoodean]

You really just can't unsee it once you see it though, can you?

Sam starts blaming Dean for what he's going to do (work with Ruby) way back in 3.09 because Dean isn't going to be around to be Sam's mommy, which is going to force Sam's hand.

After Dean comes back, Sam actually blames Dean for him working with Ruby by saying Dean wasn't there to protect him (4.04).

Dean repeatedly begs Sam not to work with Ruby and is ignored repeatedly (3.03, 3.04, 3.09, 3.16, 4.01-4.04, 4.12-4.22).

After telling Dean to open up to him and trust him (4.08), Sam calls Dean weak and pathetic for being traumatized by hell and says Dean is holding him back and therefore deserves to be lied to because he can't be of use (4.14) Sam says it's not what he really thinks when they both know it is (and Sam repeats it to other characters in 4.16, and 4.18) and then he admits it's the truth again to Dean's face in 4.21.

Sam accuses Dean of not trusting him enough (4.21).

Bobby blows up at Dean for not supporting Sam enough and calls him a pansy after Sam strangled Dean near unconscious, and tells him family is supposed to make you miserable (4.22).

Dean tries to reach out to Sam and Zachariah and Cas actively prevent him from doing so (Cas only at first) (4.22)

Zachariah (5.01) and Cas (5.02) both tell Dean the apocalypse is his fault because Dean didn't reach Sam in time to stop him from killing Lilith.

Dean says Sam hurt him, Sam is the one Dean depended on the most and Sam hurt him in ways he can't even voice (5.01). Sam apologizes, but then in the very next episode, shoves Dean into a wall for not trusting him like Dean is crazy and irrational when Sam doesn't even trust himself (5.02).

Sam says he thinks they should go their separate ways and is shocked when Dean agrees easily. Dean says that he spends more time worrying about Sam than he does doing the job right and time apart would be good. Sam reiterates that he's sorry and Dean gently says he knows Sam is (5.02).

Cas asks Dean if he's okay even without his brother, and Dean says "Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I’ve had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I’ve had with Sam in years, and you’re not that much fun. It’s funny, you know, I’ve been so chained to my family, but now that I’m alone, hell, I’m happy." (5.03)

Sam says he wants back in. Dean objects, on the basis that he thinks they're stronger apart. Dean says they're each other's weaknesses and it's being used against them (5.04, but the weakness line is repeated from 3.03 and 3.16).

Zachariah pushes Dean into a future 2014 where Dean never met up with Sam again, and as a result, Sam said "Yes" to Lucifer, and billions of people died. All because Dean didn't want to be around Sam after being hurt and never reconnected with him (5.04).

Dean reconnects with Sam (5.04) even though he clearly doesn't want to, because the first case we see them on again, Dean struggles to trust Sam and leaves to go drink alone because he doesn't want to be around Sam (5.05).

Sam says part of the reason he went off with Ruby was to get away from Dean, because Dean is smothering. Dean is the problem in the relationship, because Sam feels inferior compared to him. Dean apologizes for being too smothering (5.05).

What does all of this tell you? Dean can't win. Dean will always be the bad guy in the family. He loves too much, or he isn't loving enough. Sam needs him and Dean wasn't there for him and so Sam went down the wrong path, but also Dean is smothering and Dean being smothering is the reason Sam went down the wrong path. Sam is not a trustworthy person, but Dean doesn't trust him enough. Sam not being trustworthy is Dean's fault. Dean doesn't deserve trust, but Sam deserves Dean's trust no matter what and not giving Sam his trust is the worst possible thing in the entire world and also again makes him smothering. The apocalypse is Dean's fault. Every single thing Sam does every single mistake he might ever make in his life is always at least partly Dean's fault and Dean's responsibility.

[scoobydoodean]

Here to collect my anons! Yet again—my inbox is open, anon! What's the deal?

The only part of this I'd like to address further is the notion that Sam wanted to save Dean for Dean but Dean wanted to save Sam for Dean. Anon, what you are doing when you say that is you are taking Sam's speech from Season 9's The Purge and questioning absolutely nothing about the truth of what Sam said during that speech... and that speech is a steaming pile of bullshit. In fact, my post this is about called back to a portion of that speech to point out how Sam is really describing himself rather than Dean.

Here's Sam's little speech from 9.13 "The Purge" for reference:

Everything that happens in season 8 and 9 and before demonstrates that this is not true.

Courtney already pointed out that Sam specifically does The Trials instead of Dean based upon the fact that Sam says he wants to live, and Dean doesn't. Sam wants to show Dean to the light at the end of the tunnel (8.14).

The thing is, almost instantly (by 8.16) Sam starts saying he's going to die.

Why does Sam's bravado disappear so fast? Because Sam is in a terrible mental state, and has been since before the start of the season! Sam has been in the midst of a mental breakdown he's been refusing to acknowledge since the end of season 7! He didn't want Dean to die, so he insisted on doing The Trials to keep Dean from dying doing them! But then Sam starts to think HE'S going to die... that the light at the end of the tunnel he promised he could lead them both toward is a pipe dream!

Sam's mental state deteriorates further over the course of The Trials. Sam starts to think he SHOULD die, because he's not clean, and he gets this very broken idea in his head that The Trials can purify him so he can be clean now (8.21).

This is... a scene throwing up red flags left and right in terms of Sam's mental state! Sam literally thinks some ancient quest can fix the problems he has with himself—the shame he's carried with him since childhood as a result of childhood neglect... and he's going to reach a point by 8.23 that he wants to stop feeling that shame so badly and so desperately wants to believe The Trials can make him stop feeling that shame... that he realizes he wants The Trials to kill him! We are talking about a man who is suicidal and is going to use The Trials to kill himself.

Sam said "It's a suicide mission for you" in 8.14 and refused to let Dean do The Trials... but he himself ended up turning it into a suicide mission for himself!!!

Going back to 9.13 "The Purge", let's run through Sam's dialogue:

"I was ready to die." - The entire reason Sam insisted on doing The Trials instead of Dean was because he said Dean would treat them like a suicide mission. Meanwhile, Sam wanted to survive. He literally would not let Dean do The Trials because Dean was suicidal... but now he is shaming and guilting Dean for not letting Sam kill himself doing them.

"You didn't save me for me. You did it for you". This is an ugly reframing of events. Not only does Dean become increasingly worried for Sam's mental state over the course of the season, which explicitly culminates in the brother who said "I want to live and so should you" in 8.14 planning to kill himself to become clean.. . Sam also blames Dean for his mental state in 8.23! ...And why? Because Dean had friends. Sam specifically mentioned Cas and Benny and all but said he was going to commit suicide because Dean trusted them more than Sam. Dean is overtly 1) intervening to save a suicidal person 2) being guilted by his brother who is essentially blaming Dean for his imminent suicide. And NOW Sam is transforming the narrative again to make Dean the bad guy for saving him from committing suicide... the thing Sam insisted he was saving Dean from doing in 8.14.

"You can't stand the thought of being alone" - Sam says this... and yet if we think back... Dean literally did live without Sam between seasons 5 and 6. Dean was the one who told Sam to go back to Amelia. Sam, meanwhile, continuing to say he was going to leave when their business with Kevin was concluded, told Dean he had to choose between him and Benny—the only person Dean could have gone to when Sam left.

"You're certainly willing to do the sacrificing as long as you're not the one being hurt" - Said by Sam, who kept Dean from doing The Trials because Dean was going to die doing them, then promptly started planning to die doing them himself. Hmmm.

"No, Dean. I wouldn't." - Yeah... he'll do worse!

Edit: Also this.

I think the real difference between Dean's and Sam's codependency in s9 and s10 respectively is that Sam was willing to die and Dean couldn't handle that so he did something he knew Sam wouldn't have wanted in a million years. It was selfish. Sam's was more about recognizing that Dean didn't deserve to live a miserable isolated life. He was doing it for Dean, not for himself. He couldn't have known something that bad would happen. It was an unfortunate consequence, but Dean knew that letting an angel possess Sam would have consequences.

"Sam was willing to die"

(from 8x14)

(from 8x23)

"Dean couldn't handle that so he did something he knew Sam wouldn't have wanted in a million years."

(from 9x01)

(from 9x01 *note that isn't actually dean, it's gadreel pretending to be dean)

"Sam's was more about recognizing that Dean didn't deserve to live a miserable isolated life. He was doing it for Dean, not for himself."

(from 10x18)

"He couldn't have known something that bad would happen."

(from 10x18)

(from 10x21)

"Dean knew that letting an angel possess Sam would have consequences."

(from 9x01)

(from 9x01)

i just think perhaps you should rewatch the show, anon. also, @scoobydoodean this is me officially forwarding any further discussion to you.

[scoobydoodean]

I think it’s hilarious that in 6.11, Tessa and Death blame Sam and Dean solely and specifically for the repeated disruption of the natural order brought about by them repeatedly coming back to life when Sam never actually successfully brought Dean back to life (despite attempts mentioned in 4.01, 4.09) the one time Dean successfully brought Sam back to life, Dean was actually trying to set the natural order back the way it should be because “I’m not even supposed to be here” (2.22).

All the other times they got brought back to life, it was angels doing it (4.01, 5.16, 5.22).

[scoobydoodean]

Why do you think Sam hallucinated Alastair 4.21? It always stuck out as a little strange to me.

I've wondered the same thing myself. My best crack at it is that throughout season 4, Sam increasingly looks down on Dean for being traumatized by hell. He tells multiple characters that Dean is not the same. He indicates that he thinks Dean is weak and scared. He knows Alastair is the one who orchestrated Dean's torture and that Dean eventually broke after 30 years. Another one of Sam's hallucinations in 4.21 is of Mary telling him that Dean is weak and Sam is strong.

When Sam hallucinates Alastair, he instantly breaks under the torture, begging Alastair to stop. As I said recently in another ask, hubris is never far from insecurity. Sam in season 4 is deeply insecure, and drinking demon blood makes him feel strong and powerful. His hallucination of Alastair reflects that deep down, he doesn't actually believe he is stronger than Dean. He projects weakness onto Dean because he feels that way about himself.

[scoobydoodean]

The pompous audacity of the average angel in Supernatural is absolutely unmatched.

Like. Imagine breeding a family for generations like cattle to use the sons as fleshsuits for a cosmic tantrum showdown and it backfiring because they refused to let you destroy the earth and invade their bodies. Then having the AUDACITY to be mad at THEM for ruining YOUR life.

[scoobydoodean]

How bout that classism-to-incest pipeline, eh? I've been thinking about it all day since you brought it up. It's really quite scrumptious when it's applied to villains, but a bit sad when people misread its implications. (I will always appreciate Adam for his bucking of expectations where this is concerned, though! We love a little guy who sees through it all!)-shal

(Context being: Shal has mentioned a few times that assertions of or "jokes" about incest often have a damaging classist bent (and this gets its hooks into SPN fandom through certain avenues sometimes). I could already see where Shal was coming from in general terms, but the other day I was slapped in the face with it when I stumbled across a post overtly associating Dean and John with "trash" and "trailer parks" (with obvious disdain) calling it a "comorbidity" for an alleged sexual relationship between them. Suffice to say it was sickeningly ignorant and I was gobsmacked by how overtly and unapologetically classist it was and DM'd Shal about it.)

But YES. Zachariah in 5.18. You put this so well already. Angels vs humans tend to represent upper vs lower class in everything down to the angels typical business professional attire (notable exceptions being Alfie and Gadreel which might even be part of why Dean trusts both of them almost instantly). It's common in Supernatural for immortals to blame Sam and Dean for everything wrong with the world when the cosmic beings are the ones actually at fault, which also resembles real life blaming of the poor for society's ills and the economy. This reversal of blame for the state of the world occurs also in the same scene where Zachariah uses accusations of incest to try and alienate Adam from his brothers.

Trust me, kid, when the heat gets hot, they're not gonna give a flying crap about you. Hell, they'd rather save each other's sweet bacon than save the planet.

"They'd rather save each other's sweet bacon than save the planet" is an accusation based on Sam and Dean's refusal to act as vessels... when the angels are the only reason the planet needs saving in the first place and if they simply stopped doing an apocalypse the apocalypse would not be happening.

I also have to mention Zachariah's use of the term "codependent" based on a post I wrote almost a year ago. The term has a sexist history, having been used as early as the 1940s to describe women """"enabling"""" their alcoholic husbands. I think it's easy to connect dots to classism there as well. Codependency and accusations of incest serve as a way of separating our blue collar associated heroes—trying to alienate and shame them for their reliance on community... all because the group is stronger together than apart and their enemies know that.

[scoobydoodean]

And is "Dean looking at Sam like he's some kind of sideshow freak" in the room with us now? | 3.16, 1.06, 1.14, 2.05, 2.10, 2.11, 2.14

[scoobydoodean]

DEAN Okay, if this kid is right, he's sitting on a bombshell. Hell, he is the bombshell. [SAM looks away.] What? SAM That. I mean, there's no way that Kevin's getting out of this intact, is there? DEAN Well, he's doing pretty well for himself so far. SAM Yeah, he got out. DEAN And now he's in it... whether he likes it or not. SAM So...free will, that's only for you? DEAN I can't believe what I'm hearing. Sam, we have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean. We take Kevin to the tablet, he tells us the spell, we send every demon back to hell – forever. Every single bastard that destroyed our lives, killed our mother, killed Jess. And you're not sure?

8.01

Well first, I think it's laughable for Sam to pretend Kevin is "out" to assuage his own guilt about abandoning him while Kevin is living inside an abandoned church hiding from demons who are still very much actively looking for him so they can kidnap him again and torture and use him some more. Sam trying to make this about "free will" is fucking hilarious—as if Dean is the reason Kevin is being relentlessly hunted by Crowley??? Dean didn't make Kevin a prophet. At no point did Dean put Kevin in the position he's in now nor does he have the power to change it without Kevin's help. The disingenuous moral posturing is extra funny when you consider that the very next scene is Kevin telling Sam he has no idea how to get any semblance of a life back and Sam giving him a pep talk where he says the demon tablet is the answer. So what the fuck was all that about Dean being so bad and mean and somehow causing this whole situation that had absolutely nothing to do with him?

What Sam is trying to do in this scene is convince himself that he did nothing wrong when he, as the sole witness of Kevin's kidnapping, left him to rot, and is basically patting himself on the back for leaving him to die because Kevin got out without him (nevermind that he's living in hiding and has no idea how to regain any semblance of a life from here). All that said, I don't think mentioning Jess is guilt tripping as much as Dean is just confused (and the Sam he meets in this season is very out of left field and unfamiliar to him and he doesn't know where to land), but if it is guilt tripping, it pales in comparison to Sam trying to rewrite reality and make it Dean's fault that Kevin's in the situation he's in while also making the well-being of the teenager he abandoned about himself and the homewrecker relationship he left before Dean even came back. Anyway. Fuck Season 8 Sam.

[scoobydoodean]

DEAN Look, man, I get it, okay? You meet a girl, you feel that spark – there's nothing better. But this freak? SAM grabs his jacket and gets up from a chair at the table. DEAN I didn't mean – SAM Yeah, you did. 

AND IF A MOUSE SAID THIS ABOUT A KIA SORENTO?!?!?!?!

Oh my GOD Sam she's MURDERING ADDICTS AND FEEDING THEIR BRAINS TO HER CHILD. That is not the same thing as you feeling like a freak as a kid because YOU WERE ALWAYS THE NEW KID IN TOWN and bonding with Amy over that!!! WHAT THE FUCK.

SAM Look, I see the way you look at me, Dean, like I'm a grenade and you're waiting for me to go off.

Here we go persecuting Dean for thought crimes yet again. Asking Sam if he's okay is never alright. It is always an evil and cruel thing to ask no matter how gently or carefully it's asked. God forbid Dean CARE. God forbid Dean ask Sam perfectly gently and undramatically whether he thinks his hallucinations are getting better or not (after Bobby suggested they were getting better). Also—this cuts back to 7.02 where Sam hallucinated Dean saying all the negative things Sam was thinking about himself. And now the actual Dean is paying the price for a conversation between them that Sam FUCKING. MADE. UP.

DEAN Sam – SAM I'm not going off. Look, I might be a freak, but that's not the same as dangerous.

You shot at Dean last episode while you were hallucinating. But also, he never called you dangerous. He's worried first and foremost about YOU, you big oaf.

DEAN I didn't say – SAM It's okay. Say it.

Ever notice how Sam can't fucking help talking over Dean and cutting him off every time he's decided he knows what Dean is fucking thinking about him? If he let Dean speak, it might hamper Sam's attempts to project beliefs onto Dean that aren't fucking fair and Sam can't have that!

SAM I've spent a lot of my life trying to be normal, but come on. I'm not normal. Look at all the crap I've done, look at me now. I'm a grade-A freak. But I'm managing it. And so is Amy.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT. YOU ARE NOT HUNTING PEOPLE DOWN IN THE WOODS AND EATING THEIR ORGANS. YOU ARE SEEING THINGS BECAUSE YOU ARE TRAUMATIZED FROM BEING IN HELL WITH THE DEVIL. WHAT THE FUCK.

[scoobydoodean]

The 13.04 fake family therapy scene may be regarded as the Dean lashes out in his pain scene, but it also shows Sam lashing out in his pain in a far less overt but genuinely very not okay way that will feel very familiar if you remember 2.02 "Everybody Loves A Clown".

It's the same Projecting My Unprocessed Grief Over Our Dead Parents™️ schtick from 2.02 when John died, but uglier, because Sam (granted in the spur of the moment) decides to try and involve third parties in his desperation to force Dean's reaction to their losses to take a certain shape—a shape Sam isn't afraid to fall into himself—something comforting—something that isn't painful to the point of the suicidal ideation Dean is experiencing. Something Sam can live with—live through.

Sam is afraid to feel all that raw grief because he sees what it looks like embodied in Dean, and it's terrifying to think he could fall into that kind of pain too... and a part of him wonders, if he let go and felt it, if he'd look even worse, because yet again he's the son with regrets.

2.02 Everybody Loves A Clown:

SAM You were right. DEAN About what? SAM About me and Dad. I'm sorry that the last time I was with him I tried to pick a fight. I'm sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. I mean, for all I know he died thinking that I hate him. So you're right. What I'm doing right now, it's too little. It's too late.

13.04 The Big Empty:

SAM Yeah, but at least you had a relationship with Mom. I mean, who would she always call? Who did she look to for everything? DEAN Okay. SAM You had something with her I never had! And now I’m just supposed to accept that I never will have it?

[scoobydoodean]

Okay now it's time for an extensive breakdown of Sam's incredibly manipulative pleading at the end of 4.21 that I was making fun of yesterday.

My whole life, you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now I'm asking you, for once, trust me.

There are many lies packed into these two sentences and I want to go through them one by one.

Lie 1: Sam always does what Dean wants to do.

Sam presents his whole life as a life where he has always done what Dean wanted. Sam suggests he has never deviated from Dean's wishes.

However, on many occasions when Sam and Dean have arrived at an impasse, Sam simply went his own way, which directly contradicts his claim that he always takes Dean's lead.

1.11: Dean wants to go on a case John directed them toward, and Sam wants to go to Sacremento to search for John (who doesn't want to be found) with nothing but an area code. He has Dean pull the car over, then gets out and leaves. Sam and Dean later talk on the phone and apologize to each other, but with the understanding they'll both go their own way. Sam gets worried when Dean doesn't respond to his calls (because he's been kidnapped) and abandons his plan to take a bus to California of his own accord.

1.12: Sam tricks Dean into seeing a faith healer by saying they're going to see "A specialist".

1.20: Sam starts a screaming match with John over him telling them to take the next exit on the highway, while Dean complains about them both being insufferable and always getting into petty fights.

2.10: Dean begs that they just lay low for a while and take a break and think (after he reveals John's last words). Sam runs off.

3.05: Dean shoots down Sam's plan to threaten a crossroad's demon (with The Colt) into breaking Dean's contract. Sam sneaks out at night to summon a crossroad's demon anyway and threaten her, and then kills her when she doesn't do what he wants.

3.09: Sam stops Dean from killing Ruby.

3.10: Sam steals a hair off Dean's head so he can go into Dean's dreams with him and insists he is going when Dean objects that he doesn't want Sam in his mind.

3.11: Sam kills Dean at one point on accident when Dean tries to end his reign of terror with the owner of The Mystery Spot.

3.15: Sam wants to stay in town and find Doc Benton so he can use his alchemy to make Dean and himself immortal. Dean wants to go and find Bela, who has The Colt. They part ways, with Sam staying and Dean going to search for Bela alone.

3.16: Right after Dean explicitly states that he does not want Ruby to be summoned in a last ditch play to save his life, Sam summons her behind Dean's back.

4.01: Sam wants to kill the demons that threatened Dean in the diner, and Dean doesn't. Sam sneaks off at night to go back to the diner to kill them on his own, but the angels have beaten him to it.

4.07: After implying that Sam using his powers against Samhain is a joint decision and he wants Dean's feedback, when Dean objects, Sam runs off to face Samhain alone anyway, leaving Dean with several still-trapped teenagers he can't abandon to keep him from following to help.

4.09 (4.01-4.04; 4.12-4.22): We learn that while Dean was dead, Sam directly went against what Sam in 4.04 describes as "Practically [Dean's] dying wish" (4.04) by working with Ruby to hone his powers to take revenge on Lilith. He continues to work with her after Dean is brought back to life until 4.04, then picks the habit back up at the end of 4.12. In 4.14, he says that he is intentionally going behind Dean's back because Dean is too weak to be of use and is holding him back.

4.15: Dean says he can't stop Sam from having secrets, but asks Sam to please not treat him like an idiot (i.e., keep telling lies), when it's obvious that Sam is lying to him about what happened with Alastair in the graveyard. Sam very much continues to lie instead of just insisting upon his privacy.

4.18: Sam and Dean fight about Sam's lies and then because Sam wants to stay in town and face Lilith, while Dean wants to leave to escape Chuck's writing. Sam refuses to budge and the brothers separate until the end of the episode.

4.19: Sam wants to turn Adam into a hunter and Dean hates the idea. Sam first starts teaching Adam about hunting behind Dean's back, then in front of him while Dean watches on, sickened.

In the third heading, I note incidents where Sam and Dean had a dispute and Dean conceded to Sam's views.

Lie 2: Sam follows Dean's lead because Dean is his brother and for no other reason. It's blind faith.

Sam wants wants Dean to set aside his moral principles and his skepticism and place blind faith in Sam for no other reason than that Sam is his brother, and he frames this request as a show of mutual solidarity. He's placed blind faith in Dean, so why can't Dean do the same for him?

First, there's manipulation here in that this alleged blind faith entitles Sam to also receive blind faith in return from someone unwilling to offer it, which is nonsense. Just because you choose to (allegedly) abandon your principles and beliefs for blind faith in another person does not mean the other person is obligated to follow your lead, treating their own moral principles in the same blasé manner you do.

Second, while absolutely—there have been points up to 4.21 where Sam did not do things because Dean didn't want to do them, or where Sam did things he didn't really want to do because Dean wanted to do them... it's very shady to suggest he only ever concedes purely because Dean is his brother and he has blind faith in him.

Thinking up incidents where Sam concedes to Dean's wishes on something:

1.02: Sam objects to Dean wanting to protect Haley and her brother because they'll be dead weight in the woods, while Dean wants to protect them.

1.03: Dean insists on going on the case instead of sitting around angst-ing about John and how the leads on him have dried up, and Sam concedes.

1.10: Sam wants to call the FBI on John to find him while Dean wants to follow the coordinates John just sent them to see if he's there. Sam ends up going along with Dean then spends the whole episode taking his anger about John's absence out on Dean who had no control over it.

1.21: Sam does not rush into a burning building and die trying to reach Azazel because Dean holds him back.

1.22: 1) Sam wants to sit in a motel waiting for an unknown number of demons to arrive with three bullets left in The Colt and Dean insists they go to Bobby's to learn about demons instead. 2) Dean insists on rescuing John over revenge 3) Dean brings The Colt to save John behind Sam's back, and then ends up using a bullet to save Sam's life.

2.04: Dean thinks he's found a case (he has) and Sam thinks he's just making things up. Sam agrees to go along with it even though he's skeptical until the fact that it is a genuine case is proved to him.

2.12: Sam doesn't like Dean trying to work with Ronald to stop the shifter but they don't really have a choice.

2.19: Sam doesn't want to help people in prison and Dean does, and Sam concedes and goes with the crazy plan to get arrested and go to prison to stop the haunting.

3.01: Sam wants to take Dean to another faith healer to try and get him out of his deal and Dean refuses to go.

3.12: Sam wants to sacrifice Nancy and Dean argues against this and offers an alternative plan where no one gets sacrificed, which Sam ends up going with.

3.13: Sam agrees to go on "Their Grand Canyon" hunt as one of Dean's dying wishes and gets mad when it goes sour because of The Ghostfacers.

3.15: Sam wants to turn them into Frankenstein's monsters to save Dean from his deal and Dean says he'd rather die.

3.16: This one is tricky, because Sam initially goes behind Dean's back by summoning Ruby to save Dean specifically against Dean's dying wishes, but then after he gets caught and Dean gets Ruby's knife, Sam concedes to using Dean's plan where they try to sneak up on Lilith and kill her with Ruby's knife. Dean's reasoning is that he wants to end the cycle of them saving each other with demon deals that only turn sour.

I think the pattern shows that contrary to fanon, Sam is not some poor helpless victorian maiden being swept along by the tides of the immutable sea. In most cases, it's that he realizes he thinks Dean is right about something at the end of the day, even if he doesn't like it. Not because Dean is his brother, but because Dean won him over with a well-reasoned argument, Sam realized he was putting his desires over right and wrong, or Sam didn't (at that time) want to disrespect Dean's wishes concerning Dean's own body and life.

NOTE: You might notice season 4 is "missing". This is because when I look at all of the season 4 episodes, the closest thing I can remember related to Sam just agreeing to do whatever Dean wants is him deciding to stop using his powers in 4.04, except that Sam makes it very clear at the end of the episode that he's quitting by his own choice and Dean's wishes have absolutely nothing to do with it.

Lie 3: Dean never does what Sam wants to do, and he never trusts him.

Not only does the supposition that Dean has always taken the lead Sam's "whole life" imply that Dean never concedes to Sam's view, but also when Sam requests Dean's trust "for once"—as if, not one single time in his entire life, has Dean ever taken Sam's lead or put trust in him. My mama used to say "exaggerators are just lie makers in disguise", and this is some wild lie-making in disguise.

1.06: They go back hundreds of miles to check in on Sam's friend who Sam believes has been framed for murder, even though Dean thinks it's kind of wild for Sam to believe his friend didn't do something the police have clear evidence he did.

1.09: Dean goes with Sam to Lawrence after Sam has a vision about someone dying in their old house. The idea of going back to Lawrence is extremely upsetting to Dean, but he realizes Sam is right and they have to investigate.

1.12: 1) Sam tricks Dean into seeing a faith healer which upsets Dean, but even so, Dean does what Sam wants, goes into the tent, sits where Sam wants him to sit, and goes up on stage to be healed at Sam's request. 2) Sam says they cannot kill whoever is controlling the reaper because they're human. Dean respects Sam's moral principles by doing what he wants to do.

1.14: 1) They go on this case because Sam has a vision and Dean puts his trust in Sam's vision. 2) Sam insists they can't kill Max because he's human, and Dean respects Sam's moral principles by doing what he wants to do.

2.04: Dean goes with Sam to Mary's grave even though he doesn't want to be in Lawrence or to be anywhere near Mary's grave.

2.05: Sam orders Dean to stay away from Ansem because he's vulnerable and Dean easily agrees, going a long distance away to observe from afar with a rifle.

2.09: 1) Sam has a vision that Dean is going to kill someone. Dean is skeptical, but agrees to go along with Sam anyway. 2) Dean doesn't kill the dude infected with croatoan virus partly because of Sam's pleading that it would be wrong, and Dean finding he agrees. Sam is right.

2.04, 2.09, and 2.10: Dean trusts Sam with insights into his emotional state/why he wants to die after Sam asks him to open up about how he's feeling.

2.12: Dean thinks they should have told Ronald about the shapeshifters, but concedes to Sam's perspective.

2.22: Dean begs Sam to rest for a while instead of immediately getting back on the trail after Azazel, not wanting to lose him again, but Sam insists they go, and Dean concedes.

3.07: Dean wants to go face Gordon alone. Sam breaks down in tears and begs Dean to just be his brother again and stop doing reckless things. Dean instantly softens and agrees to lay low.

3.10: Dean doesn't really want Sam in his head invading his privacy but doesn't stop Sam from joining him in his dreams.

3.11: Dean lives over 100 Tuesdays of Sam bossing him around in various ways, including repeatedly insisting they can't leave the motel and he is not allowed to eat breakfast or go anywhere by himself. Dean puts his trust in Sam even though each time he has no clue what's going on and often has little to no context.

4.04: Sam insists they tell Jack Montgomery that he's going through a metamorphosis so that he can try and stop himself from eating people, and Dean agrees.

4.06: Sam spends the whole episode telling Dean what to do and telling him he needs to go places he's scared to go.

4.09: When Alastair breaks into the church, Ruby tells Sam he needs to use his powers to crush Alastair. Dean starts to protest, but concedes after Ruby says they'll all die otherwise.

4.10 #1: Sam enacts a plan that puts Dean and Ruby at extreme risk (Dean with the angels who have threatened to throw him back in hell, Ruby with Alastair). Both put their trust in Sam and his plan.

4.10 and 4.11: Dean opens up to Sam about his trauma from Hell.

4.19: Though he argues with Sam vehemently multiple times about what he's doing, Dean never actually stops Sam from teaching Adam to be a hunter.

Dean trusts Sam multiple times, and follows his lead on several occasions (even a few times with extreme moral reservations, such as 4.09 and 4.19).

I've also pointed out before that Sam picks most of their season 1 and season 2 cases, contrary to the popular fanon claim that Dean is always dragging Sam everywhere to hunt when he doesn't want to. In season 3, Sam leads them to hunts in 4 different episodes (3.04, 3.05, 3.11, 3.15). Dean finds two (3.02, 3.13). Who picked the rest of their season 3 hunts is either not stated, starts with them being contacted by a friend which leads them to investigate (3.01, 3.03, 3.10, 3.14), or is just them getting into a situation against their will (3.12). 5 cases are Sam's idea in season 4, and two are Dean's. The remainder are unknown, mytharc episodes, or kidnappings.

Lie 4: Sam is just asking to be seen as an equal, and Lie 5: Sam trusts Dean.

Sam's most overarching manipulation here is this idea that he just wants equality. He's showed consistent trust and blind faith in Dean and he deserves the same. He's been Dean's loyal follower going wherever Dean wants him to go, and he wants to be treated as an equal now who receives trust equal to the trust he alleges he places in Dean. However, he plainly shows the entire season that he does not want equality. He wants Dean to be beneath him. We see this just a little before this bit of the conversation, when Sam says Dean can't do anything—that he isn't strong enough and only Sam can do this. Sam shows almost the entire season that he doesn't respect Dean as an equal by lying to him over and over about what he's up to, going behind his back, refusing to believe that Dean can stop the apocalypse as the angels have said. He makes it clear in 4.14 that he is keeping his actions a secret because Dean is too weak and pathetic to be of use and is holding him back. We confirm this following episodes (4.16, 4.17, 4.18, 4.21) where Sam explicitly says Dean cannot do what needs to be done and Sam has to take over. Dean is not capable. Sam has no faith or trust in Dean at all.

[scoobydoodean]

ELEANOR: The demon I could've handled, but when the angel stepped in, I - I told him, Bobby. They have enough to crack Purgatory wide open.

Cas pops in right after Elenor dies from the torture Crowley and Cas inflicted on her. Cas immediately shifts the blame onto Crowley even though Eleanor said he was the real terror.

CASTIEL: I'm sorry this had to happen. Crowley got carried away. BOBBY: Yeah, I bet it was all Crowley you son of a bitch!

Sam and Dean have to hold Bobby back. He and Eleanor had a romantic relationship in the past.

Dean again appeals to Cas's conscience (or rather, his lack of one):

DEAN: You don't even see it, do you? How totally off the rails you are!

This season, Dean has seen Cas torture a child. Cas has used Dean without permission as bait and for a spell. Cas knew Crowley was forcing Sam and Dean to work for him after a certain point and allowed it to continue until he couldn't anymore because they were going to kill each other. Cas killed Lenore simply because trying to convince her to just lay low for a while was too inconvenient. Last episode, Balthazar told Sam and Dean that Cas's plan relied on Cas being able to sustain the energy of all the souls he planned to consume, and there was a high likelihood he'd fail and blow up the world. Balathazar tells Cas this too, but Cas's only reponse is too demand Balthazar's loyalty without ever addressing his concern. He ignores it because it doesn't support his narrative of how this will all go—how Cas needs it to go. Cas has abandoned so many of his convictions at this point just to prove that he was right to go down this path to begin with. He just tortured someone to the point of death and he's about to do more.

CASTIEL: Enough! I don't care what you think.

And yet lying to them all season was explicitly because he did care what they thought. He knew they wouldn't like what he was up to. He knew Balthazar wouldn't like it either and lied to him too, and to Rachel and the other angels. All because he was ashamed.

CASTIEL: I've tried to make you understand. You won't listen.

This is code for "I told you how things would go and that there was no discussion to be had and you didn't fall in line". Now the threats:

CASTIEL: So let me make this simple. Please, go home and let me stop Raphael. I won't ask again. DEAN: Well, good, 'cause I think you already know the answer. CASTIEL: I wish it hadn't come to this.

No one is making him do this. What he's about to do is a choice he is making that no one is forcing him to make. Even if he wanted Sam and Dean out of his way, he could have done any number of things other than this. In fact, he could have done other things that were arguably much more effective. He only needed to delay them for 24 hours. He could have flown them to the other side of the world and left them there. He could have locked them in a prison. He could have knocked them unconscious. He could have even made them forget, which would have also been cruel, but it would have been more effective. But the path he chooses is breaking Sam's mind.

CASTIEL: Well rest assured, when this is all over, I will save Sam, but only if you stand down.

Whereas in the previous episode, we can reasonably argue that Cas's words come out wrong and he doesn't actually mean to imply that he'll save Lisa only if Dean does as Cas tells him to do, in this case... we can't argue that. He is explicitly telling Dean that he's going to destroy Sam's mind, and that Sam's mind will remain broken even after all of this is over if Dean doesn't do as he's told.

Cas is trying—not as effectively as he knows how, but rather as cruelly as he knows how—to bring Dean to heel. He chooses this action even though it's arguably less effective than other things he could do because he wants to not just control but also punish Dean for disloyalty and disobedience. Dean returned Sam's soul behind Cas's back after Cas told him not to in 6.10 with ulterior motives. Breaking Sam's mind in this specific way is another way of proving that Cas is right and that Dean should have listened to him. Cas makes the thing he was worried would happen—happen to punish Dean for not listening to him. It's honestly incredible that their relationship recovered, especially with all the personal experiences Dean has with angels specifically trying to force him to comply with their demands via force and threats.

[scoobydoodean]

Okay later when I actually get to this episode I'll probably discuss it more formally, but I can't stop thinking about 4.14 "Sex and Violence" (the siren episode) and how Sam says:

SAM OK, fine. You know why I didn't tell you about Ruby, and how we're hunting down Lilith? Because you're too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back. I'm a better hunter than you are. Stronger, smarter. I can take out demons you're too scared to go near.

And I've said before that usually when Sam hurls things like this... he's really projecting his own feelings about himself, and one of the ways Sam projects here is with this narrative that Dean is scared to fight demons and Sam isn't.

I've been making gifs, so 3.09 "Malleus Maleficarum" is on my mind, and in this episode, Ruby tries to scare Sam into leaving town.

RUBY Sam, listen to me, there's no time. SAM For what? What are you talking about? RUBY You have to get out of town.

She goes onto explain that there's a demon in town with its eyes set on Sam:

RUBY Sam, it knows you're in town and it's gonna come after you and its way more than you can handle.

Sam's reaction to this shows a lot of fear and uncertainty—Ruby's warning definitely sets him on edge and makes him question whether they should ditch the case.

Ruby sets Sam further on edge by bringing Dean's approaching demise into the situation—reminding Sam that he's going to be all alone in the world—no Dean to protect him—to save him—should a demon set its sights on Sam in the future.

RUBY Oh, right, right. You care about your brother so much. That's why you're checking out in a few months, leaving him all alone? DEAN Shut up. RUBY At least let me try and save him, since you won't be here to do it any more.

Dean, meanwhile, doesn't believe Ruby, and has no qualms about sticking around. Ruby isn't lying about a demon being in town, but well... Dean still doesn't exactly quake in his boots when it comes to that demon.

And even though Ruby was telling the truth about a demon being in town, Dean wasn't wrong about Ruby messing with Sam's head during that whole warning. Ruby's primary strategy in season 3 is to convince Sam that he is hopelessly unprepared for life without Dean—that he is weak, and that if he wants to save Dean or even just survive himself, he needs to become stronger. And of course, her ultimate suggestion on how Sam becomes strong will be to drink demon blood... and that demon blood is what Sam boasts about in 4.14 "Sex and Violence"—how it's made him strong. He isn't scared of demons anymore. He doesn't want to leave town hearing they're after him. He gets excited at the prospect of crushing them. He doesn't need Dean's protection. Dean is the one who's weak. Dean is the one who's scared. Sam is powerful.

[scoobydoodean]

Dean: I don't trust [Samuel]. Dude's hiding something. Sam: What? Dean: I can feel it. And if you weren't Robo-Sam, you'd feel it, too. Sam: Huh. Dean: What? Sam: Just...You. Saying you don't trust family.

6.07 Family Matters

It's fascinating to me that even Soulless Sam has the tendency to project his feelings/beliefs onto Dean to work through them.

Because look—soulless Sam is such a great example of Sam, to his very core, being a family first kind of guy to the point that even without a soul, he seeks out family to hunt with (The Campbells) under the presumption that being family makes them inherently trustworthy. This isn't our first brush with this sort of logic from Sam.

This is the same guy who told Adam in 4.19 to cut ties with everyone he knows because:

Sam: There's only one thing you can count on. Family.

And in 5.18 with the real Adam when trying to get him on his side:

SAM Look, Adam…You don't know me from a hole in the wall, I know. But I'm begging you. Please, just trust me. Give me some time. ADAM Give me one good reason. SAM Because we're blood.

And to Jesse in 5.06:

Sam: There's nothing more important than family. 

We see another example when Sam does a 180 on Dean being a hunter and tries to enlist Dean to serve the role of his conscience at the end of 6.01 because he trusts him as his brother and "I'm telling you, it's just better with you around. That's all."

The very heavy implication in all of this is that Sam trusts family above all—not ncessarily Dean. Of course, Dean loves his family, but he's also coming off of two seasons spent dealing with feeling betrayed by his last remaining blood family member while fuming at their father (4.19, 5.04, 5.16, 5.17) whose actions Sam consistently defended [2.11, 4.19, 5.13]. So it's really not shocking for Dean to distrust a family member.

We see that Sam is the real dogmatic "family = trustworthy" believer very pointedly later in 6.07:

Dean: did it ever occur to you that this [Samuel's monster interrogation project] is really shady? Sam: He's our grandfather.

That's... soulless Sam's entire justification. Must be normal, because Samuel is family.

[scoobydoodean]

reading your metas and realizing that the reason i find sam so annoying is that hes both obsessed with being a grown up who can make his own choices and isnt a child, and absolutely committed to never taking responsibility for his choices when push comes to shove.

hes a grown up when it comes to making decisions but not when those decisions have consequences

And it's very much on purpose in the writing, is the thing. This exact dynamic is one of the only lines of dialogue between Michael and Lucifer in 5.22 that really reflects Sam and Dean's more current conflicts (Recall that the lore here is that Lucifer twisted the first human soul (Lilith) into demonhood to spite God):

MICHAEL/ADAM: Oh, you know why! I have no choice, after what you did. LUCIFER/SAM: What I did? What if it's not my fault? MICHAEL/ADAM: What is that supposed to mean? LUCIFER/SAM: Think about it. Dad made everything. Which means he made me who I am! God wanted the Devil.

"Because someone wanted me to be bad, I have no choice but to be bad." The things that happen to us give us context and create room for sympathy, but they don't make our choices everyone else's fault. (And yes—free will does exist to Chuck's great frustration, or he wouldn't have had a season long tantrum about Team Free Will not ever doing what he wanted).

What's more, in this same conversation where Lucifer excuses his own actions as outside of his control, he tells Michael to defy their father's desires—something he just finished saying wasn't possible. He just said that he had to be exactly who he was meant to be, but he doesn't apply this same logic to Michael's God-given role. He only twists the narrative of their lives when it's about him, to make himself sound uniquely powerless. He assigns Michael all the culpability and control over how this fight goes down when Lucifer actively worked to bring this moment where they battle to fruition as well (including by stocking a mass grave in 5.10). It's manipulative bullshit.

How does Michael respond to all of this a few moments later? Before anything, by expressing resetment for Lucifer's refusal to take responsibility for his own choices:

MICHAEL/ADAM: You know, you haven't changed a bit, little brother. Always blaming everybody but yourself.

We can also reflect on the last time Lucifer threw himself a pity party about how mean his family is—to justify digging a mass grave into which he had dumped hundreds of bodies for a ritual to raise Death. He said it wasn't his fault then either—that Michael made him do it by betraying him—by refusing to stand by his side supporting his every decision (which, while framed as somehow making him powerless, strongly suggest a desire to control others feelings and for everyone including his older brother to fall in line behind him and do his bidding without question). It's never his fault. It's always someone else's fault for being mean to him.

[scoobydoodean]

losing my entire marbles at deancrits saying he's abusive bc he was parentified like????? a) do you know what parentification IS and b) tell me you dont have real problems without telling me

anw heres a pretty pic of dean w glasses that im obsessed with to help cope w all the anons

DEAN IN GLASSES!!!!

Someone just put it very very plainly in Courtney's inbox, but we all knew Dean's parentification was the force underlying the take that Dean has power over Sam... didn't we? ...I mean. I guess I can't speak for anyone else exactly, but I've written about how Dean's parentification is the driving force behind the narrative that Dean is abusive several times this year alone. In fact, before that anon clarified their meaning, I'd already done it for them.

Hardcore samgirls and others with this take on Dean seem to think Deangirls just "don't understand" the "power imbalance" in play. They think we've just never thought about their perspective, but... they actually just don't understand ours? They don't understand that what is absolutely vile and repulsive about their view is that it begins and ends with the perpetuation of Dean's childhood abuse.

One of the greatest horrors of parentification as a form of abuse is that it involves the illusion of power. It ascribes "power" to a child that that child does not actually have, and then judges that child for mishandling that "power".

"Something Wicked" is a great example of this. John blames Dean for Sam getting hurt, based on a lie that Dean had the power to stop the shtriga. In reality, Dean couldn't have done anything even if he'd been there, because the idea that he had power was nothing more than an illusion. He was far too young and inexperienced to be expected to carry through with a seasoned soldier's battle temperament when faced with a terrifying monster, but that isn't even the most direct expression of the illusion of Dean's power. His shotgun is. To harm a shtriga, you have to have iron-consecrated bullets. Dean did not have a weapon that could have harmed the shtriga. The gun only provides an illusion of power. When John blamed him, and Dean blamed himself—both did so because of a lie that Dean had power in a situation where Dean had absolutely none.

John blames Dean because he doesn't want to take responsibility for his own power and authority. He doesn't want to live with the fact that he had the knowledge, temperament, experience, role of protector, and consecrated bullets... but just wasn't there when Sam and Dean needed him. So he assigns all of the power and authority to Dean. Dean had the power. Dean made the wrong choices. Dean got Sam hurt. It wasn't John's choices or John's absence that nearly got Sam killed. John was helpless.

Every single time that samgirls claim Dean holds power over Sam through parentification, they refer to an illusion used to scapegoat a child for the actions of another. They assign Dean "power" over Sam that Dean does not actually have and then judge him for mishandling that "power".

The idea that Dean has authority over Sam through his childhood parentification is a lie. It is an illusion born from abuse. And when Sam occasionally decides he is unhappy with the outcome of the choices he made and doesn't want to face his own culpability, he does exactly what John did to Dean, because the poison drips down. Sam watched John treat Dean as if he possessed authority and power Dean didn't have for 18 years and some change. He learned how to assign Dean the same false authority and power and he learned Dean would absorb it, and now Samgirls want Dean to "curb that shit", while Sam blames Dean for his own choices in episodes like 1.10, 1.22, 5.04. In reality, there is no power imbalance.

Even if we want to argue that the false perception of Dean's power created the potential for an extremely toxic relationship regardless of whether the power is real or not, Dean would hardly be guaranteed the handle side of the knife. Sam has more than proven he can put that blade to Dean's throat.