#put a lotta thought into these guys since i started planning moon

[lunarblazes]

Hi Luna, excuse me if this is a repeat ask, because I think tunglr may have eaten my first: but i am out here thinking about hostile stars, because it lives in my brain rent free, and i am curious about any info youre willing to share about the other gods in hs!

IT DIDN’T GET EATEN I SAW IT JUST BEFORE I WENT TO SLEEP WHEN YOU SENT IT AND I COMPLETELY WENT HEAD EMPTY AND FORGOT. SO SORRY ABOUT THAT,

ahem! ANYWAY yes there are a lot of other gods in this au! none of them are related to mcyt except scar and grian of course, but i love them all the same. here’s a list of each god in aeor’s pantheon and their host empire (excepting exor, he’s not in the pantheon for obvious reasons lol, and grian, who is also not in the pantheon for slightly less obvious reasons):

[unnamed]: invention, caves, and electricity (grimlands)

matral: life, growth, and resilience (mezalea)

[unnamed]: memory (pixandria)

anthea: mystery, flowers, the wilderness (the overgrown)

nari: shrub and katherine probably share a patron, i think their patron is a dual-sided entity— katherine gets the mystery, shrub gets the wilderness (undergrove)

aeor: light, clouds, snow, purity (rivendell)

exor: darkness, ash, lava, corruption (mythlands, lost empire)

naia: the ocean, rainwater, thunderstorms, swamps (codlands, ocean empire)

ametri: magic, crystals, knowledge, learning (crystal cliffs)

grian: rainbows, embers, flame (gilded helianthia)

i have a lot more planned to talk about the gods and their fights in the sequel i’m planning, but i can tell you now that aeor’s pantheon is not all the gods there are. for instance, grian and scar are not included in his pantheon, and neither is exor, a very prominent god. i wanted to do something with aeor that was skirting the line of like how embodying perfection and expecting others to do the same is stifling and eventually leads to a sort of tyranny. aeor is basically one of those toxic parents who wants you to get all a’s on a report card forever and if you ever slip there are consequences. exor is not a dark conquerer god, really, he’s honestly more chill than aeor and focuses on the renewal of volcanic areas and the cycle of life. he’s the closest thing to a sort of death god they have. his cult are the ones who started the riders of exor, which caused huge damages to the world, but that wasn’t really his fault. they did that on their own. the pantheon is basically a way aeor uses to flex his influence over exor; a sort of cool kid’s club of all the most powerful or useful gods deemed by aeor. the grimlands deity, in particular, does not like being a part of the pantheon.

and yes, anthea and nari are the same goddess! two names for the same person, just to clear that up, and a quick disclaimer that two people sharing a patron doesn’t give them any intrinsic relationship. sausage and joey share a patron and just kind of… hang out sometimes, jimmy and lizzie share a patron and decide they’re siblings now, and katherine and shrub are, well, nature wives! so yeah. that’s some stuff about the gods!

[thelastspeecher]

D&D AU - Elf Kid Adventures, Pt. 2

Electric Boogaloo

I actually have two more scenes planned to tie up this little story arc in my D&D AU where Stan is half-orc and half-elf.  I originally was going to include those scenes in this post, but then these two scenes on their own were much longer than I expected.  So, uh, here’s some awkward stuff, some angst, some “aww” moments, and most importantly, a whole mess of Stan being head over heels for Angie.

Enjoy.

——————————————————————————————

              Stan couldn’t decide whether the expectation he did chores was the worst part or the best part of staying at the McGucket farmstead. On the one hand, he had to get up when Ole Tinbeak – the earliest rising rooster – crowed.  On the other hand, the praise from Mr. McGucket never seemed to end.

              “Excellent!” Mr. McGucket said cheerfully, watching Stan lug a bale of hay twice his size.  “I must say, Stanaximus, yer the strongest elf I’ve ever seen, and yer only a child right now!”  Stan grinned despite the straws of hay poking his face.  “Would ya consider employment as a farmhand?”

              “Thanks,” Stan said, slipping into the manners that Mrs. McGucket had insisted on drilling into him.  “But I like being a ranger with Angie and Lute.”

              “Fair enough,” Mr. McGucket said.  Stan set down the bale of hay.  His vision now unobscured, he spotted Lute standing a few feet away.  Lute had never seemed that intimidating to Stan before, and his new age (and matching immature wardrobe with many pairs of shorts) only served to hinder his continued attempts.  He was in his thirties, according to Mrs. McGucket, which made him like a human five-year-old.

              “He’s only bein’ nice to you ‘cause yer a guest,” Lute hissed.  Stan snorted.

              “If you could see through all that hair, you’d know that’s not true,” he replied.  Lute lifted the dark bangs that covered his eyes to glare at Stan.

              “I can see just fine,” Lute snapped.  Stan grinned.

              “Aw, is someone grumpy ‘cause he’s overdue for a nap?” Stan teased.  Lute blushed fiercely.  The McGucket parents had insisted Lute have at least one nap a day at this age.  Something about the extra rest being particularly important for growing elves.  “Maybe you should go sleep.”

              “You-” Lute started.  Mr. McGucket came over.  He took his youngest son’s hand.

              “He’s right, Lute.  Stan, think ya can finish the chores if Angie helps?”

              “Uh, sure.  But I don’t know where she is,” Stan said slowly.  Someone jumped down from the barn’s loft, landing lightly in front of Stan.  Angie beamed at him.  “…How long were you up there?”  Angie shrugged.

              “It’s startin’ to get a bit dark, so ya best check the fence fer breaks first, ‘fore night falls,” Mr. McGucket said, leading Lute out of the barn.  Stan and Angie nodded.  Once Mr. McGucket was gone, Stan turned to Angie.

              “We’re supposed to check the fence?” he asked.

              “Yep!  Follow me.” Angie walked out of the barn. Stan followed.  They went to the enclosed cattle pasture and began to follow the fencing.  “Luckily, breaks ‘re pretty easy to spot,” Angie said cheerfully.  “And easy to fix, too.  Just a quick Mending.”  Stan nodded silently, trying to ignore how the setting sun made her golden hair turn a fiery orange.  They continued to walk in silence for a few moments.  “Don’t let Lute get ya down,” Angie said in a low tone.

              “Huh?  Oh, I’m not.” Stan shrugged.  “I actually kinda like being a kid again.”

              “Really?”

              “Yeah.  I’m-” Stan rubbed the back of his neck and laughed awkwardly.  “I’m not in that big of a rush to get this curse removed, to be honest.”  Angie came to a stop, leaning against the fencing. Stan did the same.  His hands gripped the wooden slats.  Angie turned her head to face him.  A few long golden strands of hair loose from her braid bounced with the movement.  The sun cast her form in a brilliant halo.

              “Why’s that?” she asked.  Distracted by how she looked in the fading light, Stan didn’t hear her question.

              “Huh?” he mumbled.  Angie rolled her silver eyes.  As dusk encroached, they began to glow with a faint foxfire.

              “Why are ya not in a hurry to be back to normal?” she asked.  “I thought ya missed yer tusks.”  Stan sighed.

              “I mean, I do.”

              “Then what’s goin’ on?”

              “I…”  Stan trailed off.  Angie scooted closer to him.  Her hand rested next to his, their skin touching.  Stan’s heartrate picked up.  Unable to stop himself, he blurted out the truth.  “I forgot how much better people used to treat me.”  Angie’s eyes widened.

              “…Pardon?” she asked.

              Shit.  Way to go, Stan.  This is what you get for being so easily distracted by pretty girls.

              “I grew up in a mostly human settlement,” Stan said quietly.  “The only elf who lived in town was my mom.  Looking like her, I got attention.  But it was good attention, ‘cause a lotta humans are obsessed with elves. Even travelers passing through would sometimes stop and talk to me and my twin brother.  I think…”  Stan furrowed his brow.  “I think my mom said that, if we had grown up in a proper elf environment, we wouldn’t be allowed to interact with visitors.  I guess elf kids are considered really important, so they get kept away from outsiders.  At least, that’s how it was where my mom grew up.”

              “Ma says things were the same way where she came from,” Angie said.  “She ‘n Pa had some disagreements ‘bout it when we were little.  So it’s probably a high elf thing, not a specific place thing.”

              “Yeah.”  Stan took a breath.  “I liked getting all that positive attention.  But then my tusks started growing in, and my hair got darker, and I got bigger in a way that elves just aren’t.”  Stan looked down at the dirt.  He nudged a clump with the toe of his borrowed boot.  “I stopped looking like my mom and started looking like my pops. And I don’t have a lick of human in me, so I don’t look like a proper half-orc.  By the time I was sixteen, I looked full orc.”  Angie made a strangled sound.  Stan looked at her.

              “Sixteen?” she choked out, shocked.

              “Orcs don’t live that long.  Until I became an adult, I aged close to the same rate humans do. I think I was about twenty when my elf side kicked in to slow it down.”

              “Oh.  Right.” Angie nodded.  “You told me ‘fore that you were in yer sixties.”

              “Yep.  Haven’t aged a day in the last forty years, thanks to Mom.”

              “Yes.  Okay, continue yer story.”

              “Well, I dunno how much there is left to tell. I looked like an orc, and you know how people treat orcs.  Visitors stopped giving me treats and started putting their hands on their weapons when they saw me.  Since that’s how it’s been for the last few decades, I forgot that people didn’t always look at me like I was about to kill them.”

              “Even if you don’t get the curse reversed, you’ll start agin’ on yer own,” Angie pointed out.  Stan’s stomach twisted into a knot.  “Sooner rather than later, you’ll look like yer father again.”

              “Yeah.  I know.” Stan’s head drooped.  “It’s just-”

              “No need to explain.  I understand,” Angie said firmly.  She placed her hand over Stan’s.  Stan’s heart skipped a beat.  “It’s easier to be an elf than an orc.”  She quirked a half-grin.  “Though, just so’s ya know, I prefer yer orcish self to yer elvish self.”

              “R-really?” Stan stammered.  Angie nodded.

              “Tusks ‘n all.”

----- 

              Stan had just finished his breakfast when Mr. McGucket entered the kitchen.

              “Stanaximus?” he said.  Stan looked over.

              “Yeah?”              

              “Walk with me, son.”

              “Um.  Okay.” Stan deposited his plate in the sink and followed Mr. McGucket outside.  “Did you need me for something?”

              “I just need to have a lil chat with ya,” Mr. McGucket said airily.  “But I think you’d prefer the chat happen where there aren’t ears to listen.” Dread began to build in Stan’s gut. The two walked off the main, cleared area that constituted the farmstead, and into the surrounding woods.  Mr. McGucket moved through the trees like he was one with his surroundings, effortlessly silent and graceful.  It was actually almost difficult for Stan to keep track of the man, as he blended in so well.

              I mean, he is a wood elf.  Makes sense.

              “What did you wanna talk about?” Stan asked. Mr. McGucket smiled.

              “You courtin’ my youngest child,” he said simply. Stan stumbled over a root.  Mr. McGucket caught him.  “You all right?”

              “Yeah, I’m- I’m-”  Stan swallowed.  “What makes you think I wanna court Angie?”

              “I see the way ya look at her.  Like she’s the sun, moon, ‘n stars.  There’s no mistakin’ what that means.”  Mr. McGucket looked at Stan.  “You can deny all ya want after this conversation, but I want ya to be truthful durin’ it, okay?”

              “…Fine,” Stan mumbled.  He clenched his hands into fists and ground them into his eyes.  “I…I really like Angie, and being a kid again has made it a lot worse.”

              “Makes sense.  Children have lesser control over their emotions, after all.  Thank you fer bein’ willin’ to talk blunt with me.”

              “Yeah, whatever.”

              “Now, I encourage ya to court Angie, once you’ve all been returned to yer proper ages.  But I needed to warn ya that a courtship with her won’t go without difficulties.”

              “What- what do you mean?” Stan asked.  Mr. McGucket sighed.

              “Politics.  Yer a noble, and my wife, she…she was somethin’ sim’lar ‘fore she left her home to be with me.  I don’t know whether she still has her title or not, and our children certainly don’t have any titles, but they do technically belong to a very powerful sun elf house.  If you were a wood elf, or even just a reg’lar sun elf, I doubt it would be a problem. As it is, it might not be.  But it could be.  So I figured I’d warn ya.”

              “But I’m not noble,” Stan said.  Mr. McGucket frowned at him.  “You guys keep insisting I am, but I’m not!  Maybe my mom is, or was, but my pops, he was about as far from noble as you can get.”

              “Was?”

              “…Pops passed away a few decades ago,” Stan said quietly.

              “My condolences.”

              “I don’t need ‘em.  He was a kinda shit father.”

              “Hmm.”  At Mr. McGucket’s thoughtful, though noncommittal, sound, Stan looked up.  There was a troubled look on the man’s face.  “Would that be related to the scars on yer back and arms?”

              “How- how do you-”

              “Harper saw when he took ya to the lake to swim last week,” Mr. McGucket explained.  Stan stifled a curse.  The oldest McGucket son, Harper, had showed up unexpectedly with his adopted children, then insisted on them all doing activities during his visit.  Harper was an incredibly odd person, but Stan thought he was at least tolerable.

              At least, I used to think that.  Now that I know he’s a snitch?  Nah.

              “I want to revisit this at a later time,” Mr. McGucket said after a moment. “Right now, we need to talk about you courtin’ my daughter.”

              Do we?

              “There’s no doubt you have noble blood, Stan.  Just yer full name is one that’s indicative of high status.  Even if ya don’t have a noble title or upbringing, ya have it in yer heritage.”  Mr. McGucket cocked his head thoughtfully.  “Though not havin’ a title will prob’ly make it so Angie’s own royal blood ain’t a factor.”

              “Did you say ‘royal’?” Stan croaked.  A twinkle entered Mr. McGucket’s eye.

              “Yes.”  Stan’s jaw dropped.  “Now, I will say- wait.”

              “What?” Stan asked.  Mr. McGucket now looked at him with visible concern.

              “Open yer mouth, son.”  Before Stan could comply or refuse, Mr. McGucket carefully pried his jaws open, looking at his teeth like he was determining a horse’s age.  “Oh, no.  Are these…fangs?”  Instantly, Stan broke into a cold sweat.

              Fuck!  My tusks! They started coming in!  Mr. McGucket released his hold and took a step back, worry etched on his face.  Stan closed his mouth.

              “It’s okay,” Stan said quickly.

              “Son, you have two teeth what shouldn’t be there, and what look awful dif’rent from yer other teeth.”

              “It’s, um…”  Stan’s mind raced.  “My pops, he got cursed when he was younger, and it got passed down to me somehow.”

              “Really.”

              “Yeah.”  Stan rubbed the back of his neck.  “It’s not a problem.”

              “Maybe.  But when we get this main curse off ya, we’ll take a look at this one that made ya grow fangs.”

              “Maybe…”

              Gods, no, there’s no way in any of the planes that I’d let some elf take my tusks away.  Stan and Mr. McGucket entered a large clearing.  Stan blinked at the farmhouse before them.  Without him realizing, they’d walked back to the McGucket farmstead. Mr. McGucket put a hand on his shoulder.

              “Yer a very interestin’ young man,” he said.

              Damn, and he doesn’t even know I’m half-orc.

              “I’d like to have many more conversations with ya.  But since yer likely to woo my daughter, I have no doubt I’ll have plenty of opportunities to chat.”

              “I might not court her,” Stan said quietly.  The second he spoke, he knew it was a lie.  There was no chance he wouldn’t shoot his shot.

              “It’d be a shame if ya didn’t, since ya have not just my blessin’, but that of my wife, too.”  Mr. McGucket squeezed Stan’s shoulder.  “And not to mention, we wouldn’t push ya to court if we didn’t think it would go well.” Stan swallowed.  “All right, ya can go back to denyin’ now.  I have to go run a few errands, and you have some chores.”

              Recognizing the dismissal for what it was, Stan headed for the barn. As he approached, Angie emerged from it. She caught sight of him and waved. Stan’s heart did yet another backflip upon seeing her.  She came over to him.

              “Were ya in the woods with my pa?” she asked.

              “Yeah.  Don’t worry, he didn’t try to hunt me or anything.  He just wanted to talk.”

              “What were you talkin’ ‘bout?”

              “How you’re actually a long-lost elven princess,” Stan said casually. Angie gasped and punched his shoulder. “Nah, it was just weird stuff where he called me ‘son’ a lot and wanted to know about my family.”

              “He called ya ‘son’, huh?”

              “Yeah.”

              “Sounds to me like he was askin’ ‘bout yer fam’ly ‘cause he considers ya part of ours.”  Angie winked. “Good luck with that.”  Stan grinned confidently.

              “I think I can handle your family.  I mean, I handle you all right,” he said.  Angie threw her head back and laughed.

              “I’ll let ya continue to think that.”

[atruththatyoudeny]

Monthly Reads | July 2019

Happy 28th! Sending out all my love to the authors and artists in this fandom! ♥ Here are all the fics I read and loved this month:

The sanctity of patience | scrunchyharry | historical - arranged marriage - royalty - 22k When young Lord Harry was chosen by King Louis of Bavaria to become his husband and prince consort, Harry thought all of his dreams had come through. His illusions came crashing down when he understood it meant living in isolation in the alpine castle of Neuschwanstein with a husband who turned out to be far from what he had hoped for. His illusions vanished, Harry will have learn to appreciate what has and even, perhaps, fall in love with his imperfect husband and his castle.

The Charles Compass Trilogy | SadaVeniren | fluff - humour - 8k Louis Tomlinson is a successful writer who rents a beach house on the Cape to try and finish the final book in his successful Charles Compass trilogy.

Stealing Flowers | lululawrence | mutual pining - humour - fluff - 4k The one where Louis pines after the Sexy Stranger on the Subway and almost asks him out. That's when the strange posters start showing up around Brooklyn.

If You Wanna Try Me On | zimriya | The Devil Wears Prada AU - boss/employee relationship - 18k To be fair, Harry’d been half asleep when Niall convinced him to put in his CV in the first place. Like, Harry wants to be a proper serious journalist--he’s not about to give up that dream in favour of becoming a personal assistant at a fashion magazine, or...whatever. Harry’s not actually all that sure what Tomlinson Styles even is, beyond his ticket to fame or any of the other things Niall’d spouted off at him, but when he shows up for the interview and is unceremoniously shoved into an office with the Tomlinson part of that equation, all Harry can really think about is that he would like to be a Tomlinson-Styles. ...or the Devil Wears Prada AU that no one wanted. Sort of.

Play Me A Memory | jacaranda_bloom | strangers to lovers - kid fic - emotional hurt/comfort - fluff - 27k Louis lives with his nine-year-old son Jake in a peaceful beachside community on the east coast of Australia, working as an entertainment coordinator at the local five-star resort. Harry is a recluse who lives on millionaires row and writes musical scores for blockbuster movies. When the roots of a wayward willow tree create havoc at his home, Harry is forced to stay at the resort while repairs are carried out. Cue matchmaking storms, muffin preferences, laughter, love, and a whole lotta music.

No Love Like Your Love | Rearviewdreamer | a/b/o - enemies to friends - exes to lovers - soulmates - soulbonding - 43k When it comes to saving the world from itself and convincing rich CEOs of environmentally harmful companies to go green, there's nobody better than Harry Styles. That is, until Louis Tomlinson, his ex and former Alpha, is involved.

Not (heart) Broken | glitteredcurls | soulmates - superpowers - mild hurt/comfort - 14k Every person is born with a unique, personal Ability and a soulmate. Abilities are developed from birth and treasured as parts of each person’s personality, while a soulmate is somewhat of an intimidating prospect; the minute two soulmates are in contact with each other, their powers are voided, only to be reinstated when they regain their distance. How is Harry, a young healer, supposed to feel about the possibility of losing his helpful healing Ability with one look of his unknown soulmate? He figures it can’t be too inconvenient. Until Harry meets them and, well, it kind of is...

Fall in love with the moon (and everything beautiful) | louistomlinsons | fluff - light angst - anxiety - friends to lovers - 10k Louis and harry work in a bookstore together and harry tells dumb jokes and they fall in love

There You Are | lovelarry10 | stripper/exotic dancer - mutual pining - angst - divorce - cheating - emotional hurt/ comfort - 82k Harry’s entire life has fallen apart - in one night, his carefully planned future is suddenly uncertain. Then he meets Louis.

Tiptoe Through Our Shiny City | graceling_in_a_suit | inspired by Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - miscommunication - mistaken identity - strangers to lovers - famous/non famous - 8k Where’s Fluffy Announces Secret London Show TONIGHT!' Harry stopped breathing. “Pinch me, Niall,” he mumbled. The story of how Harry sees his favourite band live for the first time, and maybe falls in love along the way. AU Loosely inspired by Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. Loosely.

You Have to Retreat to Advance | 2tiedships2 | a/b/o - fake/pretend relationship - strangers to lovers - 18k The one where Harry is expected to bring his longterm omega to the company's mountain retreat. Since he hadn't told anyone that they'd broken up months ago, he now has to find someone willing to play the part.

Shine On (You Crazy Diamond) | larrymaybe22 | 1970's - glam rock - famous/not famous - strangers to lovers - hurt/comfort - angst - substance abuse - alcohol abuse - internalized homophobia - homophobic language - slow burn - 58k The year is 1974 and Britain’s glam rock scene is in full swing. Enter Louis, a broke and dejected student who finds himself on a tour bus of all places, working as a roadie for the enigmatic “womanizer” Harry Styles. Along the way, Louis discovers the cruelty of fame and that maybe there is more than meets the eye beyond the curls, cocaine, and crazy suits.

Could you love me anyway | SadaVeniren | canon compliant - post-The X Factor era - bdsm - bad bdsm etiquette - dom/sub - under-negotiated kink - subdrop - kink negotiation - mildly dubious consent - 13k Harry and Louis begin playing ping pong during the X-Factor Tour. It quickly gets out of hand.

Easier | allwaswell16 | a/b/o - soulmates - soul bond - exes to lovers - getting back together - angst - fate - destiny - 6k The last person Louis wants to see is his ex-boyfriend who also happens to be his soulmate.

Hot Buns | Snowy38 | TV show - hate to love - angst - drama - emotional hurt/comfort - 51k “You can call me Harry if you like.” “Is that your name?” Louis checked. Harry smirked. “Actually, it’s Harold but I hate it. I hate everything about my life but what do you care?” Louis licked his lips and caught his knees up under his arms. “I care enough to get you out of the gutter, mate,” he accused softly.

I'm Tripping Over Your Every Single Move | lookingfortherainbow | meet-cute - first dates - pining - fluff - 6k Harry is the local swimming star athlete and Louis is the lifeguard that turns Harry into a fish out of water.

The Aurora Zone | Anonymous | blind date - enemies to lovers - 19k The one where Harry is busy crossing off his bucket list while Louis is busy falling for the guy he's supposed to hate.

I've spent a lifetime running (and I always get away) | Anonymous | first meetings - fluff - 5k The eruption of an Icelandic volcano (the name of which Louis decidedly cannot pronounce) really shouldn't be the catalyst for a relationship with a boy he's only just met. Or // the one where Louis and Harry share the back of a car, a cramped bed on a dingy, highly unsafe boat, and their adoration for art (and perhaps each other).

Haunting Beauty | 4ureyesonly28 | 1980's - ghosts - fluff - 6k It’s 1988. Harry has just finished his first year of teaching English and looks forward to a relaxed break. Louis is a poltergeist and has different plans for Harry’s summer.

Meet Me in Montauk | make_this_feel_like_home | Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Fusion - amnesia - strangers to lovers - lost love - angst - 84k The one where Harry has amnesia, Louis can't handle the pain and Lacuna Inc provides a unique service: the ability to erase a person from your memories.

Two to Tango (series) | rainbowslovehl (Larrymateforlife) ➊  Put Your Best Foot Forward - fluff - meet-cute - ballroom dancing - 6k Louis loses a bet and has to go learn waltz. Harry is the guy who won’t stop stepping on his foot. ➋  Af-fur-mative - fluff - 1k Harry is anxious about the first meeting between his moody cat and Louis.

Uni AU (series) | lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes) ➊  This Might Tickle - Larry - fluff - 4k Louis' been admiring Harry from afar until they become study partners for their first year anatomy class. ➋  When You Smile - Ziam - fluff - 2k Liam’s never seen Zayn smile during classes, but a trip to the zoo for their studies helps him see a lot more. ➌  The Doppler Effect - Larry - Halloween - fluff - 2k There's only one person who figures out Harry's Halloween costume ➍  A Work of Art - Ziam - smut - 4k Zayn meets Liam before he realises he’s the life model for his extra credit class. ➎  My Favourite Word - Larry - fluff - fake/pretend relationship - 3k Louis’ ex boyfriend won’t leave him alone, so Harry steps in.

With Words Unspoken | Anonymous | 1960's - 1970's - strangers to lovers - Louis is 49 - Harry is 47 - mentions of past divorce - fluff - fate - sexual awakening k The one where Louis is lost, Harry is an excellent tour guide, and age is no barrier to finding the love of your life.

Whipped Cream | writingstylinson | hearing impaired - pining - 24kk Harry isn't focused on anything except growing his online photography business and keeping his service dog at his side. It's important since he's always being undermined due to his deafness. The last thing Harry needs are his client's brother trying to convince him to go out on a date with him.

[the-adventures-of-brady-and-alec]

alternate college universe oof bralec/shadean Brady’s 23 Alec’s 22 Shadan is 22 Dean’s 23

“My parents think we’re dating.”

It slipped out as soon as Brady reached the table at the back corner of the library, panting a little bit since he ran. Alec, taken aback, looks across the table at Shadan and Dorian.

“They what now?”

Brady sits and aggressively wipes some sweat from his forehead.

“Yeah. They think we’re dating and they want you to come to back home with me over spring break.” He rushes out, stumbling over his words.

“They who now?”

“They arranged a room for us and everything.”

“wAIT wait wait, they think we’re dating?” Alec asks, not keeping up with the pace Brady was going with.

“I’m so sorry, please don’t get upset?” Brady asks.

“Why do they think we’re dating?” Alec asks, closing the book he was reading and capping his pen. Shadan made an ‘ooh’ sound across from them as he turned to fully face Brady.

“Well maybe because I talk about you so much they just-"

“You talk about me?” Alec interjected.

“Well yeah, I talk about all of you guys.”

“So why’s it different with me??”

Brady made a weird grunting sound at the back of his throat, the colour rising from his neck unmissable.

"I dunno. They think we're dating and I need your help kind of?"

Alec stares for a second- no, two seconds. Three.

"What do you want me to do?" He asks, against his will.

"Can you come back home with me and pretend to be my boyfriend for a month?"

Shadan choked across the table and rated her head on Dorian's shoulder, sputtering, as Dorian stared wide-eyed at the two, closing his book and raining his eyebrows to the moon.

Brady was getting anxious now- tapping the table top really quickly, foot bouncing, gnawing on bottom lip.

Shadan almost laughed out loud, because she knew what Alec was thinking and Alec knew she knew what he was thinking, and so did Dorian, and so did Dean if he were here.

Because Alec had the biggest, ugliest, most horrible, stinky crush on Brady and Brady was one goddamned Oblivious Fool™ for not seeing how Obvious Alec Is and it has the whole group in pain.

So Alec now, face gone an absolutely pretty wine colour that Brady thought was from embarrassment, looked away and tried to curl into his turtleneck.

Brady, upon seeing this, started to- "I'm so sorry- I shouldn't have asked this was- I'm so sor- God shit uh-"

Shadan was cackling so hard she had to leave the seat and Dorian went to make sure she didn't die from choking or whatever as she started a coughing fit.

"No wait, it's alright I just-" Alec started, trying to swallow down some of his blush.

"I'm sorry if this is making you uncomfortable," Brady says, fiddling with his fingers. "God I didn't even ask if you were doing anything over the break or-" Alec chuckled softly, thinking it quite cute.

'No! Stop that train of thought!'

'...'

'Choo Choo mother fucker.'

"It's alright. I'm not doing anything. If you hadn't asked I'd just stay here and read myself to death," he said, heart beating a million times a second.

Brady widened his eyes a little. "Does that mean you're-?"

"Yeah, of course, I'll come." Alec says, smiling with a little blush rising again. "Once it'll help you out, I'm happy to help with whatever."

Alec lied. He's doing this for himself, purely for the fact that he'll be close to Brady for a whole month.

'A whole month! Who would've thought?' Alec thinks to himself.

Brady wraps him in a hug, smelling of honey and sugar and just- really nice and sweet. It has Alec wrapping hus arms around him too, turning his head slightly so his nose is in his hair to inhale.

"God you don't even know how happy I am right now," Brady says, pulling away.

'Now why the FUCK would to pull away from me-' Alec starts to think, until Brady gives him the toothiest grin and the thought is immediately gone.

'God, he'd be the death of me,' he thinks as he smiles back.

"So since we're doing this, I guess we need a backstory on how we met or got together?" Alec asks, pulling a small notepad and a crayon out of his bag, ready to jot things down.

Brady makes a :o face. "I haven't thought that far, actually." He said, sheepishly rubbing his neck as he hung his neck.

"This is crucial! What if we both give totally different answers to their questions?" Alec says, bewildered.

"Well, I didn't think you'd say yes," Brady says softly.

Alec sighed. He was such a pushover for Brady.

"For you, I'll always say yes." Alec says, rubbing his eyes.

He missed the blush that took over Brady's face and the panic that took over his face.

"Okay, we met on the first day from orientation? Shadan introduced us both, remember? And you introduced me to Dean and the twins, so that's the start, I'd guess?" Alec says thoughtfully, nibbling on the end of the writing instrument (did i say pen or pencil i can't remember).

Brady puts his chin in his hand. "The first time we hung out was in my dorm. Hey, write that the first time i saw you i had a heart boner."

"A what boner?"

"A heart boner! Couldn't breathe properly? You were an absolute angel in my eyes." Brady says, batting his lashes and linking hus fingers.

"I can't tell if you're serious or not."

"Ooh, write that sometimes we swap dorm with Dean and Shadan because we all know how much they like each other and wanna spend time together?" Brady mumbles. Alec hits it down with a smile.

The planning of their relationship goes on for a few minutes as they read it over a few times.

"Seems believable! Very believe! Much real! Oh God I'm getting nervous again why-" Brady says, saying gibberish and nonsensical sentences.

"Calm down. We just gotta act like normal," Alec assured him, smiling a bit.

"Okay, alright... what about uh- what about hugs?" Brady asked, and Alec choked on his spit.

"Hu- I mean- yeah hugs are okay. We can hug and stuff," Alec got out.

Brady flushed a bit at the thought of it.

Hugging Alec! Woah. I never would've thought.

Brady smiled and then-

Shit. Can I kiss him? Is that okay? I want to kiss him. Please God let him be okay with that.

Brady widened his eyes and blushed deeply at the thought.

"okAY be sure to pack a lotta clothes!! We leave in a few days, too, so pack soon! I'll see ya okay bye haha," Brady said nervously, getting up and walking away.

Shit... I'm gonna die, huh.

next

[aabaker1]

Just finished Harvey Girls season 2

First spoiler-free Version. Season two of Harvey Street Kids or Harvey Girls Forever call it what you want, was...uneven. The season started and ended in good places, but there was a block of three episodes towards the middle that just fell flat. Good new characters, though only a few of them got developed. And I am really hesitant about the cliffhanger, it could easily go wrong in a lot of ways.

Okay time for the full rundown after the break.

Hoo boy this series had some highs and lows. I’ll break down by episode and then final thoughts.

Raiders of the Lost Park:

Okay does anyone else notice that the episode titles Netflix presents aren’t always the same as the ones on the title card? It’s not that big a deal, but come on, it’s Dreamworks and Netflix. A little consistency would be appreciated.

Nice way to start the series. This was a risky move, introducing brand new characters was one thing, but giving Audrey and Melvin, two established characters, brand new siblings? That was taking a risk. If I had to complain about something the tension and strife Dot caused in the season 1 finale was brushed aside way too quickly, but that’s a nit pick at most.

Dottie Rocket/Weekend at Audrey’s:

Good Dot episode, nice to see her obsessive compulsiveness get the better of her sometimes. But, Dot sill came back down to Earth in the end, even if it took a sugar-induced hallucination to do it.

Digital pets kicking the bucket, sigh, I can relate. But Audrey was just a bit out of character here. Not her recklessness, but her attempts at covering up. Audrey is not the type of person to hide mistakes, get frustrated by them, sure, but not hide them. Okay, she didn’t want to disappoint Lotta, but Audrey just doesn’t have that kind of deception in her.

Boy Story/ Puzzle, Puzzle, Toil and trouble.

And this is what I meant by character development. It’s nice to see that even the Bloogie Boys have limits, and legitimately like more than stereotypical boy hobbies. Also, nice touch remembering Dot and Pinkeye are friends.

Frufru, getting character development? Didn’t we already do this in season one? Okay, I know, people don’t just change overnight. But, for being so eager to be recognized for her brains, Frufru was a bit too quick to cheat. Though nice callback to Audrey Parkour. And I seriously don’t want to know why there’s an old well full of butter, that is just leads to several nasty implications.

Treasure of the Sierra Harvey/ Babies Day in:

And the character development continues, this time for TIny. Also not all old toys are dangerous. The treasure trove of old toys idea has been done before, but this wasn’t a bad example. Though I thought for sure Tiny was going to leave his action figure behind in the storm drain.

And a nice way to show that Lotta’s compassion can get out of hand some times. Also nice way to show that raccoons aren’t always jerks. Just gonna say it now, ninja pajamas, just ninja pajamas. Also, Dot, running bare-foot, outside, in the park? What kind of bizzaro world is this?

The Lice Storm/ Mission Impossibow:

This one kinda fell flat for me. Audrey over reacting is expected enough, but everyone going along with it, including Dot, that was a bit too far. But, the big letdown was the Harvey Avenue Kids. Okay we’ve seen them before in season one, but this was there chance to shine. And most of them came off as background filler, just like before. Penny was the only one who got any kind of development. But, she and bald Audrey did just enough to save this ep for me.

Decent episode and it shows Dot’s possible great weakness. She’s creative, but in a scientific, A, to B, to C kind of way. Imagining fantasy scenarios on the spot is just not in here wheelhouse, props to her stepping outside of her comfort zone.  Bow initiated the plot here, but didn’t get a lot of character development. But, I’m okay with that. The Bow doesn’t really need development. She’s the bow, the weird kid who does her own thing, sometimes you don’t need to add more to make something good. My only complaint is that there just wasn’t enough of her this season, but I guess there can be too much of a good thing. Did I mention Bow’s my favorite character? Could you tell?

Fandom Menace/Moby Dot:

This one was a meh for me. It didn’t do Lotta any favor. I know she’s the trusting type, but she’s not dumb and certainly not the type to willfully delude herself. I think this was a bit of a miss step. Thankfully they didn’t do the cliche of scamming Zoe out of the ticket she sold. Lotta’s online appeal did fit her character and kudos to Crush4you to being stand up guys and respecting their fans like that.

The Cheer Hunter: Dot’s entertainment:

And more character development in an unexpected direction. So far Zoe’s two appearances had her solidly in the antagonist role, but here we she she’s actually a person, not just a stereotype. Also Maria feeling generally dissed by Zoe fast-tracking Lotta felt genuine. It’s nice to see them do plots that don’t involve someone getting their comeuppance. And everybody coming together to cheer Lotta up was a perfect touch. Also, Dot and Stu being completely (whatever) to the whole situation was funny as hell.

And once again we have Dot at her Obsessive Compulsive best. She discovers a new side to herself and like Dot, naturally takes this to the extreme. Also, nice to get a glimpse of how Dot’s brain works.  Also, Fluffy’s still around, what? You do remember that was just a rat covered in garbage can fuzz, right?

I wanna Crush Your Hand:

And this is where the dip in the season started. I’m just going to say it now, I’m not the target demo for boy bands, not by a long shot. But, that wasn’t the problem I had with this episode. No the main problem was Lotta’s obsession taking up the whole spotlight. It felt like Audrey and Dot just got shoved into the background. Plus this episode just dragged. I’ve gotta say it, I think the two stories an ep format works best for this series. The double-length story just doesn’t fit, here.

Beyond Thunder Dot: Ten things I hate about Ew:

And this is where the season hit the valley for me. Seriously, you’re doing the “Let’s shove the environmental message down kids throats” Thing in 2019? I thought that went out of fashion in the 2010s. But, the most galling thing for me was all that character developing they were doing came to a complete halt. Frufru’s character development? Nah, let’s just turn her into a low rent Captain Planet villain. And since when did Dot get that preachy? I’m sorry but this got so painful for me I had to stop the ep and walk away. Ten things I hate about Ew might have been a decent episode, I don’t know. And I never will if I have to sit through this outdated, anvilicious garbage to get to it.

Something’s Glotta Give/Afernoon Contrite:

I think the main thing with this story is it made no sense to me. I thought Gerald and Lotta got together in season one, now Lucretia’s trying to hook them up, what?

This is where the season started to pick back up for me. It’s nice to see that even after the previous character development Melvin can still be Melvin. It’s nice to see that Lotta tries to fix things, even if she did it by accident, but naive Lotta is back and I just don’t know how I feel about that. Still seeing Melvin get a bit more character growth saved this one.

Can’t Hardly Wait/Bring it Prawn:

Ah that’s more like it. This touches my fanfic-writing heart. It’s nice to see Lucretia stretching her active imagination. It’s also nice to see the Audrey Girls and  Tiny encouraging her self confidence. Plus in short order we got return of Audrey the Destroyer, Sci-Fi Dot and Lotta Moon, what’s not to love?

Thank you! Thank you for showing that cartoon siblings can do more than just fight with each other. This almost makes up for the environmental debacle, almost. In one fell swoop we see Maria and Melvin get along and Zoe and Audrey put their differences aside and work together for a common cause. Bonus points seeing Zoe stick up for Audrey. Audrey may be an annoying twerp, but she’s Zoe’s annoying twerp, damn it! Also, anyone else imagine buff Zoe and Audrey when Dot kept saying aabs.

Hover, may I board with danger/free Gilly:

And here’s Stu’s character development. Stu always seemed the odd man out. While Zoe and Maria have Audrey and Melvin to play off of, Stu was just sort of there. Now we see his too cool for school attitude is really a front for him being sensitive and a little insecure, that’s a nice touch. Also Audrey gets to grow as a person. First she was just legit conning Stu for time on the hover board, which was really just a Segway without the handles, but then she genuinely gets into the contact juggling. And one of her plans actually works for once, what? Also, what is up with Bobby this season, last season he was the older kid who doled out sage advice and could be a little jerkish sometimes. Now this season the sage advice stuff is all but gone and we just get the jerk, everyone else gets character development, but Bobby actually backslides a bit, guess they had to cut corners somewhere. 

Finally a payoff to the running gag of Audrey’s goldfish issues. Nice to see that finally wrapped up. But, was it strictly necessary to give the animals voices? Okay, I admit it wasn’t so bad for Bobby the skunk, but every freaking animal? Yeesh, I mean there is such a thing as subtlety.

That thing you Dot!/Where the streets have no games:

You know, at first I thought I was going to hate bring Chevron back, didn’t she and Dot make peace back in season one? But, then I found that I really didn’t hate it. Dot used the wrong word. Chevron is not a frenemy, she’s a competitor and that may actually be a good thing. Dot and Chevron are very similar, they like to take hobbies to the absolute extreme and there’s nothing wrong with that. They two drive each other to succeed. In fact if they didn’t have each other they probably wouldn’t do half as much as they do. And Kudos bring Penny back and giving her a voice, she’s going to be the lead Harvey Avenue kid, I just feel it.

And here we are, okay, I’ll go through ep first before getting to the diamond-studded elephant in the room. Nice commentary on mobile games and how their designed to addict you. And yeah they really are just excuses to gather data. Also, nice touch Lotta and Audrey being the only ones who weren’t suckered in. Sadly Dot’s obsessive compulsive tendencies made her an easy target. But, then we go into that cliffhanger. Yeesh, that cliffhanger.

Finale Thoughts:

I’ll just say it. I know they were going to pull Richie in at some point. But to quote the Bow, not this way. The entire idea behind Richie Rich is that in spite of being the richest kid on Earth, Richie was a normal, average kid, who just wanted to make friends and have fun. He was never portrayed as being snobbish, sheltered or clueless.

Only now it’s clear Richie set up the mobile game and the contest to try to figure out how kids have fun. Not only is being clueless, he’s using money to try to solve his problems, which Richie never did.

And worse it’s predictable. I can tell where this story is going. The Harvey girls together maxed out the fun-o-meter, so Richie’s going to take them off to his estate to be his new friends and the Harvey Girls are going to bring him down to Earth.

But, they shouldn’t have to. Richie has always been portrayed as already being down to Earth. Now they’re going out of their way to portray Richie as a clueless rich kid who doesn’t understand how the real world works, and that is just wrong. That’s not Richie. Although nice touch with the Irona reference.

But, there’s something that worries me even more. Now that you’ve pulled the pin on Richie, where do you go with him from here, does he become a regular? I hate to say it, but I hope not. 

You have to remember, that by default, Richie is the biggest presence in the room. If you over use him he could quickly over shadow Audrey and the others, in fact, he already has once before.

I’m taking about Harvey Comics. For over ten years, Audrey, Lotta, Dot and their friends ruled Harvey comics. Then Richie, Wendy and Casper came along. And within a few short years Audrey and company were all but forgotten. I just hope to go they have enough sense not to try to make this the Richie Rich show. I think they do. I think they understand a way to use Richie right and they already done it in the same episode, with Chevron.

Chevron is a big personality, so they don’t overuse her. So far she’s shown up once a season and that’s just right for her. It’s all she needs. If she were on regularly she’d drown the others out too much. But, this way when she shows up it’s a big deal. I think that’s the perfect approach to take with Richie, less is more. Just don’t turn him into a clueless rich kids, please? 

[fashiontrendin-blog]

So Sorry I Was Stuck in Traffic: Your March Horoscope Is Here!

http://fashion-trendin.com/so-sorry-i-was-stuck-in-traffic-your-march-horoscope-is-here/

So Sorry I Was Stuck in Traffic: Your March Horoscope Is Here!

Illustration by Cynthia Merhej. 

My favorite meme-theme in the whole wide world is the one that taps into the old “I’m on my way!” lie when you haven’t even left yet and are definitely going to be late.

Speaking of late, horoscopes on the 9th of the month, eh?

Look, Mercury’s gonna retrograde on March 22nd, so I’m going to go ahead and blame my tardiness on that planet. Susan Miller basically told me to do as much (Astrology Zone plug!!!) and you know that I do what she tells me to. But just in case you’ve found yourself frozen, unable to move without the star’s guidance, how about I make it up to you — right now: you, me, a little astrology? There’s that toothy grin!

Let’s get this party started! Oh and because I literally fall asleep while typing about Mercury being backwards-ass, allow me to throw out a blanket statement here: do all your electronics shopping and ticket-purchasing now. Otherwise, you’ll be fine.

Aries

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGICAL (F)ARIES! I hope a thousand sprinkles and sugar balls tumbled out of your cake the moment you cut it, like they do from those viral Flour Shop ones, and I hope you caught it in time for social media documentation.

A recap of the last nine days: Thanks to the full moon, you probably finished a major project that resulted in great success. An annoying health-related matter likely came to a happy end. You may have received some cash. (God bless the grandparents who still include “walking around money” in birthday cards.) You also may have been invited to a party!

What to expect for the rest of the month: the need for a nap — and after March 17th, you’ll be able to get some rest; a serious career growth spurt is set to last until May 15th (“the coming weeks will be the most important of 2018 for career growth and progress,” per Susan, so make sure you act fast on the open positions you want); and finally, a hot-n-heavy (sorry) love life. Did “hot-n-heavy” make you think of Hot Pockets? Just wondering, also just wondering if you’ve had one lately and if they were under/overrated? They seem like a fast snack so why not, honestly.

Taurus

Welcome to March or should I say, “Mooarch,” in Taurus-talk. Mooarch is going to be our favorite time of 2018, fellow bull-human-jelly-beans.

A recap of the last nine days: We had “wonderful developments to our emotional lives” thanks to the new moon (good lord, thank you), a romantic March 3rd and 4th weekend — kindly tell me all about it down in the equally romantic comments section, and one or more of you may have proposed to someone. I did not because I am trying to play it cool!!!

What to expect for the rest of the month: a moment of, “Oh shit, I’m spending money like I’m drunk at a bar and in a good mood, as in ‘SHOTS ON ME, PARTY FREAKS,’ only my bank account just told me I’m grounded”; a financial chill-out in response, probably around the 17th; a chance to travel (take it if you can); new romance around the 28th (if you’re not single, maybe just a lot of “REKINDLING THE FIRE” wink-wink-have-fun-be-safe); and on March 30th, thanks to Venus, an absolutely prime opportunity if not excuse to get our hair done and do a little or a lotta shopping.

Gemini

Hi Geminini in a Bottle, Baby! I’m on a plane and the person next to me is snoring. Thought you’d like to know that detail about me.

A recap of the last nine days: You had a “joyous family event” at the start of the month (family barbecue or an aunt’s 90th birthday as celebrated on a cruise, perhaps?); you may have moved; you’ve hopefully been very happy.

Susan keeps saying that everyone is happy this month which makes me happy and I hope it’s true because if there’s one movie character in the history of the WORLD who’s me, it’s that woman who doesn’t even go here in Mean Girls with the rainbow cake and…whoa. IDK if you read Aries’ intro but I just had a life-changing realization and think that Flour Shop cake might be the manifestation of the cake that Mean Girls girl wanted to bake.

You’re lucky I’m able to keep doing horoscopes after that kind of revelation but I AM!!! Snoring seatmate on a plane, remember? He’s both distracting and motivating.

What to expect for the rest of the month: the best time in 2018 for career progress; a serious relationship commitment and a finally-completed major project.

Cancer

I didn’t have one crab cake in Paris, I hope you’ll know.

A recap of the past nin days: You may have taken (or be planning) a short trip. If you’re planning a big one, however, wait until after March 17th. That’s it with the back-at-it stuff. Let’s look forward.

What to expect for the rest of this month: you’ll be “hungry for new experience and information,” so bring a toothbrush wherever you go just in case you’re chewing more than usual; romance — especially if you do plan that little bit of travel; a really exciting “media project” (sometimes Susan is vague and it’s nice to let it happen); a little home construction situation; your health or an ex driving you up a damn wall; a resolution to the last thing I just wrote that results in a “strong, nearly unbreakable union”; and who knows, you might just get back into waffles. Remember waffles???????

Leo

Susan wants you to pay attention to your finances, to which I say, “BOR-ING.” You might say “MEOW-RING” since you’re related to a cat, but if there’s one thing I was reminded of in Paris, it’s that everyone prefers you to just speak English if you’re going to accidentally give the wrong address three times in a row because you confuse the “teens” with the “twenties.”

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: Susan is “especially enthusiastic about your prospects to get a great deal on a mortgage or refinanced mortgage; talks of shared expenses between lovas; an opportunity to turn your creativity into a profit; a bump forward in your career reputation; romance as in romuntz-untz-untz, and romance of the TRUE LOVE variety. At the end of the month you’ll need a little nap, but you also might go to a rock concert. Susan said. I just sat here and binge-ate Meow Mix.

Virgo

The beginning of the month has been busy for you! That must be because your star sign, Virgo, collaborated with Virgil Abloh of Off-White which means you’re a celebrity now. Don’t you worry about me, I’m not really keeping track of what I’m saying.

A recap of the last nine days: you may have seen “the fullness of a desire that is deeply important to you reach fruition” (ooooo-ie!); you may have proposed; your home life may have, out of seemingly nowhere, FINALLY started to feel “lighter, easier, and more enjoyable”; and you may have started to really focus in on a project that means a lot to you.

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: a permanent-good mood because of Mars in Capricorn from the 17th through May 15th; an itch to redecorate your home; a positive outlook on love; a readiness to find “the one,” have a baby child, or build a business; and, on the 28th, a big fat wad of money!!!

Libra

Hey Libra, so Susan seems to think you have feathers? Do you? That’s so cool, but she seems to also think they’re dragging. Are you hibernating? That’s okay!!! We all need to take a time out on occasion, stick our beaks under our wing-pits and fluffle for a bit until we feel cozy enough to come out on someone’s outstretched index finger again.

I used to have birds growing up! Rainbow and Webster, double-RIP.

Anyway, doesn’t mean you’re totally antisocial. If you get invited to a getaway situation before the 17th, you should definitely go.

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: March 17th through May 15th is the best time to sell your apartment if you’re thinking about doing that kind of thing; you’ll be supremely creative around the new moon of the 17th; go to the gym and the dentist at the end of the month; Libra will put “a big accent on your dreams and desires” toward the end of the month — you might feel overwhelmed in other areas, so breathe here, because these are exciting things, and see if you can’t get help; you may start taking piano lessons. Susan didn’t say anything about them but I thought it seemed like a nice note to end on.

Scorpio

Hey Stinger Pants! Better than Stinker Pants, am I right?

“When you eventually look back on 2018,” Susan writes, “you will view March as a magical month, one of your most romantic months of the year.”

A recap of the last nine days: You started with an enchanting full moon on the 1st; everything supposedly went your way thanks to the lineup of the planets; the full moon shone in your eleventh house of hopes and wishes; life was all around flowery and romantic. (Yes? No? This sounds lovely so I’m rooting for this truth.)

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: Susan really wants you to travel, if you can getaway; Neptune, the Sun and the new moon are going to work together to “set the stage for love”; if you want to have baby chickens of your own, now might be the time; your career will shoot forward like the star that it is and you are; there’s a “blue moon” at the end of the month that might make things a little tiring, but per Suz’s verbatim advice: “Certainly this is a month given over mainly to love and fun, so for once, let work take a back seat so you can enjoy those precious moments to the fullest.”

Sagittarius

Oh Sagittarius, I brought a celestial apple with me, your favorite!

Did you read that in a sing-song voice? Do you think it’s weird how much I like your sign because I like horses so much? At first I was mad about Sagittari-ii because you guys get all the good astrologically-related logos and calendars and doodles, but then I realized, “If you can’t be them, join them,” so here I am offering you sugar cubes out of my palm and wondering if I can play with your horsetail.

A recap of the last nine days: Your career is more up than the Pixar movie (hey-o!) and everyone knows your name; you’ll make a lot of money; the man next to me is blowing into his nose so hard I’m scared for his brain.

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: Susan wants you to “toot your own horn” and celebrate your accolades, because it will lead to more of them — you’ve got a competitive edge right now; you’ll focus on redecorating and nesting; you’ll negotiate a beneficial contract (nice ’n’ vague); you’ll start getting into party mode even though you’re a little sleepy (take naps, please); you’ll need to be a brainstorming partner to a friend; and finally, on March 28th, you’ll “enjoy lighthearted mirth,” a sentence I am so glad Susan Miller wrote because we could all stand to work mirth back into our vocabulary!!!

Capricorn

I’m not saying you don’t, but if you had Capricorn horns IRL, would you pierce them, or would you let them be their own accessory?

A recap of the last nine days: the full moon of March 1st was “tailor-made for you” and made you smile a ton, apparently; your ninth house of long-distance travel sparkled; you may have gotten into grad school or something in that vein.

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: Hopefully better food than the weird airplane chicken teriyaki I just ate; a “big competitive advantage over the other zodiac signs,” thanks to Mars in Capricorn from March 17th through May 15th for the first time in two years (from Susan: “Use this time to launch an initiative that requires you have a lucky edge, such as a big interview…”); a lit-up career toward the end of the month and the culmination of a stressful, all-consuming project; a costume party that Susan didn’t really suggest I write about so much as she didn’t not tell me to mention it, so anyway, I think you should throw a costume party because why the hell not. I’ll brainstorm costumes with you down below if you want.

Aquarius

AQUARIUS I wonder if your name is to blame: I have had that “Barbie Girl” song stuck in my head for four days and I want it gone! I keep wanting to talk to you and Pisces about The Shape of Water and this so-called “fish sex.” I haven’t watched it yet which bums me out because I feel like it’s ripe fodder for these horoscopes, although this month’s batch has been a bit of a dead fish when it comes to the blatant innuendos. Oh well. There’s always next month to talk about Uranus and golden showers unnecessarily!

Anyway, here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: Ask for a raise on the new moon of March 17th — “it looks like you will get it,” writes Suz; you’ll begin opening talks for an exciting career move; your social life will be like PARTYPARTYPARTYDINNERHANGFRIENDPARTY, and you’ll be into it; after March 17th, you’ll be given the opportunity to go off the grid for a bit, which might be nice after that sentence I just wrote; use the end of the month to reflect, avoid travel if you can (Mercury in retro-lame) and reconnect with old flames — romantic or platonic. And hang out with your Barbie World friends!

Pisces

Hello you golden fish! I literally just said this to Aquarius but my hands feel like hooves today (I am a Taurus, after all) so don’t mind the copy/paste and pretend instead that I put both of you on a group text:

I keep wanting to talk to you and [Aquarius] about The Shape of Water and this so-called “fish sex.” I haven’t watched it yet which bums me out because I feel like it’s ripe fodder for these horoscopes, all though this month’s batch has been a bit of a dead fish when it comes to the blatant innuendos. Oh well. There’s always next month to talk about Uranus and golden showers unnecessarily!

Work smarter, not harder, am I right, bubble breath?

That was a compliment!!! It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever come up with. I can’t wait to use it as a term of endearment again.

A recap of the last nine days: You may have gotten married, or you proposed, or you DTR’d — Venus is in Pisces so there was and is a lotta love and romance happening; you were very inspired, or at least the buds of inspiration began to bloom; you might have started to find someone to partner with professionally, too.

What to expect for the rest of the month: Start sending out your resume and making the most of ye old network; expect great news on the 11th (about something!); prepare for a cool opportunity in ~*media*~ on March 13th; you’ll have the best day ever on March 17th thanks to gift-giving, luck-distributing Jupiter getting the new moon all excited, which will result in a special new moon that you can use in any way you choose. “The actions you take immediately after that new moon appears will have far-reaching, positive ramifications,” Susan Thriller said. That sounds so exciting! I hope you’ll send me an old-school newsletter that I can tape to my fridge because if there’s anything I love more than good Suz and good news, it’s mall photos of my friends in turtlenecks!