#putting this on here because nobody should Have To go on twitter to read something important

[kaelidascope]

Fandom and LGBTQ Hostility and My Experiences Trying to Exist in Both Spaces Online

I came into these spaces with a very strict rule that I would not react or do anything cancel-worthy out of an overabundance of caution. Digital footprints are dangerous. The things you say online will follow you around forever. I know that first hand. I’ve bottled up and stayed silent about a lot of things I’ve either witnessed first-hand or experienced because I was trying to maintain a clean online persona. I’m not an ‘airing out dirty laundry’ type person. 

In light of recent events however, it’s gotten so bad that I can no longer sit here and not say something about how I feel. I’m disappointed and frustrated with the experiences I’ve had both in fandom and LGBTQ+ spaces and I can’t be complacent. I’m tired of getting treated like this, I’m fed up and I’m not going to put up with it anymore. I feel it’s important I voice what I’ve been watching and what’s happened and how I’m not going to tolerate it anymore by calling it out first hand. 

This is a two-topic rant. They overlap in some instances, but it directly has to do with how fandoms behave in general towards each other on Twitter and Tumblr, and also how absolutely hostile LGBTQ+ individuals are nowadays to each other on the same platforms. 

I come from a different generation and a different social media platform. I wasn’t on Twitter and Tumblr until last year. I’m not dismissing the fact that I may have missed out on decades worth of culture and social expectation. The places where I come from aren’t exactly fantastic either, but at least here, more queer people are interacting with each other with shared interests much more widely than in places like DeviantArt. The amount of culture and information I’ve absorbed in one year is more than I ever had within the past twenty years. It should be a good thing, and I’m disappointed that it wasn’t. 

This is not the way I wanted to come out online to anyone. I’ve been figuring out where I sit on the gender and sexuality spectrum for a while now. I will not document a specific timeline for anyone because that’s nobody’s business but my own. Within the last year, I took a massive stride forward in exploring things I legally didn’t think I was allowed to. I expected backlash from cishets and the usual thing I see LGBTQ+ folks write essays over, about how the world hates us, but at least we have each other. Shockingly, the backlash didn’t come from straight people. It came from other queers. 

I am 27 years old and I am entirely self-sufficient. I’m mixed Puerto Rican living in a red state. English wasn’t even my first language. I don’t have a network, so I’m teaching myself these things. I'm asking questions. I'm reading materials and expressions of self-experience and self-identity through fanworks and other autobiographical content. I'm actively trying to seek community and support through transgender and non-binary individuals with shared interests and so far all I've been met with is hostility and assumptions. So much so that I've now been made to feel like I'm on a timeline to figure it out so I can have a well-practiced, short introduction to copy and paste to every person who comes across me. And the only reason I even need one is so that they can make the decision to pass judgement over whether or not I'm allowed to speak, write, draw, wear, act, breathe the things I do. I'm disappointed. I'm anxious. I honestly feel more shoved into the closet now than I ever did before and I shouldn't be. Nobody should be treated this way when trying to figure out who they are. I probably won't even get an apology for the things that were said to me, either. I pride myself on the extraordinary caution I take to be politically correct, vetted through reputable sources, and as close to authentic as possible. And yet somehow I’m still getting called things like terf, transmisogynistic, triggering, when I’m fucking trans myself and all of my content gets vetted/REQUESTED by trans individuals. I get promised up and down that people are kind and welcoming in these sorts of spaces and honey, they aren’t. The people you choose to be friends with aren't as inclusive and friendly as you think they are. You don’t even know me and what body parts I have. The fact that you need to know in order to decide whether or not to treat me with respect is telling of an internal issue that has nothing to do with me. 

I have no reference point. I live in a place where laws ban anything gender and trans. I have no local resources or community. I've barely met any LGBTQ people in person. If I have, they never came out publicly. Most of my queer exposure has been online, and the fact that I've seen nothing but angry, mean, exclusive and discriminating behavior without any sort of reasoning why other than selfish defensiveness, I don't know where else I'm supposed to go for support. Something a lot of you guys need to take into retrospect is anyone who identifies as LGBTQ gets shot where I live. We have sundown towns here. If you don’t even know what that is, good, but also that’s telling of your privilege that you need to consider when talking to others not from blue states. I didn’t grow up in an environment where we had these highly liberal culture points and the word ‘gay’ was never allowed to be said out loud. We did not have gay clubs in school. I'm about as fucking late to this as you possibly can get. The only reason I know anything about our history, representation, and barely anything about what's socially acceptable and what's not, is because of the internet. So many of you had the privilege of being exposed to this information as young as under the age of 10. I didn’t. Sue me for not immediately knowing what every gender label means right off the bat. Half that stuff isn’t even legal here. 

I can't believe it's boiled down to the fact that I have to somehow justify my existence on this Earth and give an explanation that fits into predetermined boxes just to do anything to engage with other people. I have no time or space to figure it out. I’m disorganized and overwhelmed because I can’t ask questions about ‘can butches do this?’ ‘How versatile is transmasc/transfem?’ ‘Am I more genderqueer or do I fit under the trans umbrella?’ Gender and identity is fluid and ever changing. I have actually seen people harp and attack individuals for "defaulting" or "detransitioning" when they change their mind after giving this big coming out speech. It’s like support on these platforms is entirely conditional and a one-time thing. Y'all really expect people to wear the first style of shirt they buy for the rest of their life? Are we not allowed to do anything unless we know for sure? How’s college working out for you, for those who believe this mindset?

The vocally aggressive ones who use big words that contradict their statements can do, say, and be whatever they want.  But people like me can't. The ones who have to straight pass in public to keep their jobs and maintain their life safely. Some of us have been on our own since 19 with no family support. Consider the environment someone lives in before assigning your harsh assumptions. I can’t just change myself on a whim without doing significant damage control. Half the jobs I work for don’t even allow unnatural hair colors. If we list our pronouns as anything other than our assigned sex at birth, it causes legality issues with taxes. The way I have to navigate how to explore my identity and also keep a roof over my head and my bills paid may seem highly conservative to most. It’s in no way shape or form meant to reflect disrespect on how others live and express themselves. I am doing the best with the environment I have. The way I do things is not meant to be read as a message of ‘you’re doing it wrong because you’re not doing it the way I do.’ None of us are wrong. That should not be the subliminal message here. 

You know someone actually challenged me on that? Saying I was being harmful for purposefully straight presenting in public? Please research your country and state specific laws before you say that to me. If I could afford to live somewhere safer and queer-friendly, this conversation would be different. I am working on getting the fuck out of this state. But I don’t have a partner or parents money to default on. I’m doing this by myself. It’s not impossible, just a slow process. 

I'm disappointed and fed up. I've reached my limit, and I don't really care anymore if someone uses this essay to try and cancel me 5 or 10 years from now when the world goes through another gender renaissance of terms and identities. I will not put up with being treated like this when you refuse to listen to anyone else other than the sound of your own voice. I’m trying my best to learn, adapt, and express myself. I do not need to be lectured or be called derogatory things just because you think I’m coming from a malicious place.  

It’s not just about the hostility and gate-keeping behavior exhibited in online queer spaces. The same exact thing happens in fandom spaces too. People get pissy about queer headcanons and presentations so much to the point of taking it upon themselves to police the fandom and scrub it clean of “impurities.” I’ve watched y’all go through people's social media pages for any type of ammunition for justification of a personal grievance. It shocks me how much hyperfixation gets put on specific and morally harmless things when there are people out there writing diabolical shit way worse than what I have to offer. And y’all happily support them too but bark at me about what I make cus that author fits your social criteria and you assumed I didn’t. Don't think I'm ignorant to every single scrap of hate mail and harassment I've gotten over the past year and a half in my inboxes. Including the passive aggressive posts about my work, vague tweets, and discussions about me in discord servers. Over what? Have you actually read my work? If it’s actually as problematic as you say it is, provide me with a modern and unbiased example why this particular scene and execution is harmful. And not because you got triggered or disliked the kink, or read the summary/tags and assumed it was something it’s not. I don’t know how much more caution tape, massive warnings, obvious clear-cut tags (that were provided to me by queer individuals to PUT on there in the first place) out of insane amounts of caution I can do. I have always been willing to provide spoilers and explicit details in case someone is unsure how they’ll be affected by something I make. If you already don’t like it based on my warnings, that’s always been more than okay! My work is not for everyone. I’m getting tired of politely and respectfully saying please move on, because the message seems to be getting lost in translation. So let me be clear; 

Get off my pages if you don’t like what I make. It’s not for you. It will never be for you. Dead dove. DO NOT EAT. PREFERRED DEMOGRAPHIC 25+ ADULT CONTENT RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. I can recommend so many other fantastic creators with better suited content for you! If I could hide my content behind a roped off section deliberately keeping you from seeing it, I would. BLOCK ME. 

If your response to this section is ‘well then just don’t write it’. Honey, there’s people out here in the RWBY fandom writing trans incest actively commenting on all your shit and you respond back. A magic grimm-goo strap and monster smut featuring a transfem character (again, requested by literally 3 trans people and WRITTEN by one) should be the least of your worries. 

I have actively chosen not to address the harassment and hate mail, because it's sad that half of you hate me so much you need to make a point of telling me so regularly. I sincerely hope moving on with your lives will grant you peace of mind. Truly.

This is why I barely interact with anyone. Nothing but hostility, harassment, and expectation to behave in ways I cannot emotionally commit to. I am exhausted, uninspired, and have such a bad taste in my mouth it's proving extremely difficult to want to do anything creative. It’s been worse with my recent exploration of my gender identity. Opening one door to write about certain things somehow, miraculously, closes ones I previously existed in. I’m practically getting kicked out if I’m not 100% one way or another. I don’t go out of my way to shove my content down your throats. Why you feel the need to come to me and tell me you dislike my existence because you read it, despite me stating this is not for everyone and probably not for you, doesn’t have anything to do with me. Idk what else I can do. Disappear off the face of the planet, I guess. That seems to be what the overall solution is when y’all find something you don’t like. I can't believe I witnessed grown adults in their mid twenties with self-proclaimed senses of rightness start a trend on Twitter to go through people's mutuals and their likes to see if they’re socially acceptable in Fandom spaces or not. That was fucking ridiculous. And especially not fair to those who had their private accounts leaked and put on blast when it was already behind an vetted follower wall. Believe it or not, people draw weird, lewd, diabolical shit. They’re actually being responsible by putting it behind a paywall, or some type of ‘proof of age before following’ requirement. It falls on the people who go on there, take screenshots, and post them publicly for minors and non-consenting individuals to see without filters what was previously hidden. It’s irresponsible and immature. 

For fear of getting canceled by the Fandom, I moved all 600+ accounts I was following onto a private alt. I don't interact with my main anymore. I went so far into hiding and didn’t dare share anything about liking content made by people I wasn’t allowed to like, because that’s how cruel it is out here. It's honestly stupid I even felt like I had to do that. For what? People glazed over the brief moment of drama within a few weeks and went right back to posting the same shit they always have. They find new things to gossip about on their privs. New enemies to cancel on Twitter. New things to deem problematic and attack. 

I will be heard with this letter. I don’t care to be associated with anyone who treats people like this. I don’t believe in it, I won’t support it, and I’d rather have a small circle of people who won’t be rude or attack other people for existing. I’m not going to sit here and take the abuse any longer. Leave me in peace. There is no reason any of this should be happening. 

This is not meant to undermine the support I have gotten from the few who know what I'm going through and have given me the space to figure it out. I appreciate every question answered and insight provided as much as your abilities allow. I'm so grateful for it. I just wish it wasn't 2 people while everyone else is an asshole.

[blindrapture]

[iheartmomochi]

Dear Vocalist Momochi A•CHI•KO•CHI ＼No Limit!!!／ translation

Important: i DID NOT make this translation. I commissioned currytantou on twitter (an entire month ago LOL), so all credit goes to them! I 10000% recommend you also commission them if you want a jpn -> eng translation!! And please do not repost this translation anywhere or use it for re-translations into another language.

You can listen to the cd here

0:04

[closes door] Ahhh, just cramming the luggages and it tires me already. It doesn’t make sense how I have to drive now. Ugh. I should have hired a mover to carry all this stuff. In the first place, why do I have to keep costumes at the office? If there’s no space to store them, just add a new building or something. It’s not like they don’t have the money.

Anyway, the interior of this car really sucks! Wood paneling?! Seriously, why did he buy this of all cars? I’d definitely refuse it if he offered it to me even for free. Way too lame. Well, not that it matters. It’s not like I’m gonna get in this car anymore after this. Actually, how do I start the engine? Where’s the key?

1:10

Huh? Of course I have a license. I just didn’t tell you about it. Well, I’ve only driven twice since I got the license though...Besides, I can survive in the Tokyo metropolitan area without driving. Actually, it’s a bother to have a car. What is this button? Ah, it’s on. Geez, what’s the deal? Nobody needs cars to be so high tech. Why can’t it just be like those cars at driving school? Just use a key and we’re all set. We’ll go now- ..oh right. Gotta set the navigation. I have it but it’s a hassle so can you set it up? You remember my home address, don’t yo- Ah.

2:08

Ahem. If so, then what? It’s fine. Just a slight scrape on the mirror won’t affect the driving. It’s their fault for parking next to a pillar. Put that aside, hurry up with the gps! I told you to set it up, right? Figure it out by the time we come out of this basement parking.

2:45

[beeps] Tch, so noisy. I just gotta turn right next. I know that much. [beeps] Ugh!! That red car keeps tailgating us, right? Stop bullshitting me. Now I can’t enter the right lane! Whatever. I’m going straight. [beeps] Shut up. Why don’t you drive, then? It’s not like we’re in a rush anyway. Can you not complain just because we’re taking the longer way? Ughh. How irritating. Oh. We can just enter that family restaurant. We’re taking a break. A break. [horns from other cars] Huh???! Shut it!! You don’t have to horn that loud. I can hear it just fine!

3:46

Ughhh. Huh? I just need drinks. If you wanna eat, just go ahead. Anyway, will you bring me anything to drink? I’m tired from driving. No way I can move even one step from this seat. Whatever works. Ah, but not that lemon squash from earlier. The one at this place tastes so awful. Also not coffee or tea. I’m not in the mood now. Also, don’t add any ice. It’s so inconvenient anyway. (sighs) I still gotta drive after this. It’s unthinkable we’re not even halfway to home. I’m so fed up, seriously. Ahhh! I wanna go home soon!

4:55

Tch. How long do you think I waited? You’re too slow. Come on, let’s go. Huh? Where else? Obviously back home. We’ll grab a taxi somewhere. The car? Just leave it here. I’ll just make up some random excuse and have one of the members pick it up. I can just ask them to carry the luggages while they’re at it too. I see. Then stay here by yourself. If you’re that concerned about the car.

5:48

[car slows down] Hm, I’m gonna read out the address so can you insert it in the navigation? Yes, please do- Ugh! Hey, what are you doing? You’re gonna get those hands caught! Ehehe! Sorry about that. Seems like this girl is a little drunk...Hey, what are you crying for?! Stop it! Uhh, I’ll get off for now. I’m really sorry, after I made you stop the car! Alright. [car leaves]

6:32

(sighs) Hey. Stop your bullshit. The driver gave me a weird look! Seriously, what were you thinking? Not only you wrench opened the door I’m about to shut, you even cried out loud! Nobody knows who’s watching us on this high traffic road. You’re seriously unbelievable. Come over here!

Looks like nobody’s around here. Hey, will you get over it? I’m already irritated enough..! Huh? It hurts? You got those grass as a cushion, so isn’t that fine? Or maybe I should’ve pushed you against that wall? Huh? Roses? Ahh, the thorns hurt you. I see. Huhhh..! Haha! I know, and that’s why I did it. Nggh...! Feel more pain! There! There!

8:07

Hm? Are you gonna cry again? Even when everything is your fault? I really don’t get it. Hm? Your neck is bleeding. Did a thorn pierce you? [sucks] Hey, what are you doing? It’s teared up because you moved unnecessarily. I was being kind enough, because that cloth looks new. But I guess it’s too late. You fell down the grass and you already got yourself dirty earlier. I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore. This cloth..! (tears) Ahhh, it tore up more than I thought it would. Now you’re gonna be full of scars, no? Hehe! But what can I do? Because everything is your fault..!

9:20

Haha! Feel more pain! I’ll ruin you even more while we’re at it! You have such a pathetic look right now. But that makes me feel a little better. Depending on how you behave, I might feel like driving again. Actually, isn’t it going to be inconvenient for you if I don’t drive? How are you coming home when you’re like this? Your clothes are all torn. Your makeup, hair - all messed up. You probably can’t even catch a taxi so that means you have to rely on me, don’t you agree? So, there’s only one thing that you can do. Do your best and put me in a good mood. I told you before, remember? That I’m the only one who can love a miserable girl like you. Don’t ever forget that. Your answer? Don’t tell me you already forgot. If you get it then be desperate and behave in my favor. If you don’t want to be abandoned. Okay? (kisses)

[rosekisspeach]

TAROT READING//Taem's view on mingkey relationship

Date: 31/Jan/2024 Marker: Taem's Songs Deck of Cards: Sefirot The Spheres of Heaven Tarot (Marseille, Kabbalistic teachings, and esoteric wisdom)

Notes Upfront:

I don't ask my cards questions that I already have answers;

I don't prey on information I should not know;

I respect their personal lives and;

This is for FUN ONLY.

✦ This reading is requested by/uploaded due to the asking of reader tk (AO3). You can ask me for other tarot reading, or discuss mingkey with me on AO3/twitter/tumblr✦

The deck I use to channel taem is the sefirot spheres of heaven tarot, which is quite sophisticated more like old-fashioned grandpa who isn't into gossiping for interpretation. However, they have a sweet spot for taemini, and is willing to show me a glance of his exceptionally beautiful mind. !!Be aware we have many symbolic connotations that are a bit vague.

Let's crack the Cøde . . . . .

Base Card: King of Cups Bummie: The Tower R, Page of Wands Ming: 9 of Wonds, The World Mingkey: Devil, Temperance R Mingkey work: Sun, Knight of Wands

Although I said it earlier, I want stress again that taem has a precious mind that I think nobody but himself understands what is going on there. I will try my best to tangibilize the energies I receive so please bear with my figurative languages & word choices.

Let's start with the overall vibe. We have the King of Cups here and I can immediately see why my cards are fond of taemin. He is very grateful. He is grateful of having kibum and minho as his hyungs, co-workers, care-givers, and mentors. He is also grateful of kibum and minho just being close, because their energies (even those feisty and fighty ones) are rain drops that nourished the relationship amongst SHINee members, awakening their pride and competitiveness, and reminds them that they are alive instead of some zombies following rules and orders in the industry. They always break the facade peace and taemin learnt to appreciate their honesty & rationality. This is something mingkey has been able to do since day one. And it empowered taemin, it empowered jinki, and of couse, Jjong (the three cranes and one of them fades away) to fiercely be themselves as boldly as they could. The 91s are the glue that bonds the team together, and especially after jjong, taem began to see how much effort these hyungs have put into protecting the name SHINee, to provide safe space for console, and still, to shine as themselves. Each rain drop might seem subtle and insignificant, but together, the water flow can overcome everything ( "以柔克刚" soft is more "powerful" than the hard). In taem's mind, mingkey are people that offer him kind guidance, peace, and companionship, people he can rely on, and grow with.

But taem does not know how to express these emotions in words, and this is why he uses bodily language/facial expression to convey his gratitude. It is also why he is a big supporter of 91s. Taem believes the vitals of SHINee are very much mingkey-connected, so things get bitter if "dads" fight. I don't suggest that taem sees them as romantic couple (In fact, I often sense no-sexual/asexual energy from taem, perhaps due to his devout faith). He just really wants to make sure mingkey don't fight ugly so everyone is happy (6v6

How Taem sees Bummie:

Chaotic, self-destructive (see elaboration), hard candy, but has a heart of gold. To some extend, taem is "afraid of bummie" because although every member of SHINee pushes their limits in working and taem himself is a perfectionist when it comes to dancing, kibum, only kibum, burns like a moth to the flame. He burns because he wants the world to see who he really is. Bummie is always eager to try new things, to learn new skills, and to kill his old self over and over again. Kibum is constantly transferring, or more like metamorphosis, that reminds taemin to keep growing and becoming. However, Taem is afraid of him because these changes are what most people stay away from, but kibum enjoys being pushed to the edge and jumping over the falling tower. Nothing and nobody can stop him from his own will power, and taem respects kibum's decision, but he hopes at least there are more people appreciate and care for him. Kibum should not scream till throat hoarse just so the world accepts who he is. Kibum deserves better.

And taem adores bummie. Bummie is one of the sweetest person taemin ever knows. He enjoys life - gardening, cooking, taking care of commedes and garçons and frankly everyone he knows no matter if they are older or younger than him. Kibum can be strict because he wants the best for taem but would never get mad when taem "stole" a luxurious sweater on his birthday. Just like the hopeful young adult holding the brance of pure lotus, Kibum has a heart of of innocent child (赤子之心), and taem loves him for that. Taem can always trust him and be his true self with kibum.

Bummie is still a newborn baby~

How Taem sees Ming:

First of all, taemin respects minho a lot, but he is as critical as jjong when it comes to ming sometimes. The 9 of wands match my reading because in taemin's mind, ming is definitely a man of action and this attitude earns him great success in his career and personal life. However, there is something missing, and that shows in minho's loneliness. The lotus blooms yet all the branches turn away, emphasizing ming has taken actions to nurture his mind but he did not listen to his heart. Do you remember the crescent hanging over ming's head in my first reading (ming's take on their relationship)? I think the energy is very similar here. Taem wants to tell us that despite ming's proactive mindset, he is lying to himself and is hesitant to try out new possibilities because he gets afraid like every one else. However, it is not ming's fault and he needs time to see the clear picture.

And the world card drops again, which is ming's current objective that he has to ride the journey of growing from the loss, stepping to embrace new point of view of life, and eventually following his true heart that he reaches the reality he hopes to rebuild. Ming is desperate for love, and he cherishes shawols because being with us feels like warm home. However, remember ming keeps saying that he just wants to be loved in relationship and he will provide anything and everything. What ming really needs is faith (ת (Tav) in hebrew means "faith" & "salvation") and Taem wants ming to believe that he is loved. He deserves love. His love is returned if he believes a little more.

I will make money and do housework I only need you to love me

Mingkey Relationship + Work

They together are devils. The devils of aggression, addiction, but also achievement. The design of devil card reminded me a lot of the pic where taem stands between mingkey in MBC end year stage, observing the pair staring each other in amusement. This is what he sees (ע), this is also what we see. Their constant fights and the chemistry comes out of their love-hate relationship is undeniable, fuelling their working competitiveness but these energies can also flame them. This is why the reversed temperance dropped. They still need to work on how to solve their tensions and be "in between (not too aggressive nor passive 中庸之道)" when disagreement arises. And instead of waving the blaze, taem wants them to communicate like the pouring water (empathy, understanding, love).

!!skip this part if you only see them as platonic friends/co-workers and resume when you see exclamation mark again!!

Devil card manifests strong sexual attraction because in the traditional Rider–Waite system, devil card's design is similar to the lovers, but instead of guarding angels they are devils constraining the pair in lust and alluring desire. Since I grasp asexual energy from taem due to his religious beliefs, it is possible that taem is trying to tell us that mingkey's dynamic have some element that is not in his belief, and it is the "devil" for them. Mingkey deny to acknowledge the sexual attraction despite everyone sees it. Worse, it occasionally influences their work and group work because they have trouble resisting it, hence the reversed temperance (I will do an elaborating reading on their sexual attraction privately, if interested, talk to me on twi or tumblr)

!!resume here!!

In taem's mind, mingkey are a duo that support each others in work, and their existences fuel the other to express and achieve success. The two cranes are ming and bummie (in this reading, each member of SHINee are cranes which I think is very taemin coded, hehe) that fly around and fly upper to the higher sky, bringing warmness and sunlight to their reality. The Knight of wands say the exact same thing, mingkey's leadership, working morals, and endless ideas pushes the group to move forward, and inspire taemin in his career. Unlike Jjong, taem does not worry that much about mingkey (because he sees them like mentors, while Jjong sees them as younger-brothers), but he indeed hopes these two can achieve harmony and balance that is also beneficial for themselves and SHINee as a whole.

-over-

Feel free to chat or find me on twitter @rosekisspeach

[puffmais]

I'm tired of all the negativity and unfairness that is happening regarding the ifylita series. The fact that this drama is undoubtedly the very best bl production we got this year, yet sh*tty things keep coming and as a fan I'm done already.

Let's start from when Bright and Nonkul said since the very beginning that they won't be doing any fanservice or sell any ship just for the sake of making the series popular. This? This was brilliant, and I totally applauded them, because great actors like them don't need to do any of those things just to be relevant or successful. But of course, there was a big part of the fandom that was upset about this, saying that they should do fanservice for the series to become even more popular and whatnot. Things here were already becoming agitated.

Then, all the solo interviews that Bright was getting, in which all the questions were about the ship, fanservice, not a single question about his future work, his upcoming projects, nothing. It all revolved around that topic to the point that he had to clarify it with his most serious expression about how he doesn't want to grow his career based on a ship. And a ship that we all know won't be ever real because we are all aware of Nonkul's real-life relationship. So, even if they sold a ship, what would be the point? Nonsensical.

And here I have to talk a little bit about Nonkul's love life. I'm happy for him, congratulations to the couple, and I wish you all the happiness in the world, but the fact that he talked about this in not one, but two events which he attended with Bright, in which his co-star had to leave just so he can keep answering all those questions about his personal relationship... that's a no from me. There is a time and place for everything, and even he said that he would answer those questions during solo events which is alright, but then he did it again and... no. I respect him as an actor, and as a person, but those actions were not right.

And even after seeing how Thai media treats Bright, as if he's not there, as if he didn't star in the series, as if he's not one of the main cast in the drama... and they just keep disrespecting him, writing awful articles about him, never putting focus on his acting career, it's like they're all plotting to go against him.

Then we got the happiest announcement which was the special episode's date we were all waiting for, finally something to celebrate, right? Well, almost. Yes, it's great, and I bet the whole fandom is partying, but the fact that after that announcement we found out that Nonkul's upcoming drama is set to be released the day after ifylita's special episode??? What is happening? As far as I know, that drama was supposed to be expected for next year, but right after the special episode, really? Nobody can't tell me that this is not all plotted, nothing here makes sense. And of course, this is not Nonkul's fault, he's not the one who decides when the series is released, but this is too much. I'm actually speechless because he has another series going on right now (The Office Games), and another one is going to be released like??? Never seen this before, it's like they are not giving time to the audience to enjoy his current projects, and we all know they want to release this drama right now because of their real-life relationship.

Another thing: the constant topic about Bright and Nonkul hating each other's guts, where did that come from? Who started this? I even talked about this with a few ifylita fans during a podcast because we couldn't believe the sh*t that people were saying. I read this here, on Twitter, on Reddit, on Instagram, on TikTok, it's everywhere. People are just writing bullsh*t everywhere, discouraging people from watching the drama, saying that the main actors can't stand each other, and can't even breathe the same air, are you all okay out there?? At which moment did the actors express rejection to the other one? When did they ever talk badly about the other? Perhaps you are all expecting them to be best friends or something, and maybe they are just co-workers and that's it. Even Bright said they only talk about work, and that's alright, they do not need to have the deepest bond out there. If you have never worked once in your life, you won't understand this: work-related relationships rarely end in friendships, maybe you keep talking with some people, but real friendship? Yes, that's pretty uncommon.

And let me tell you that if they did hate each other, then why is Nonkul always talking about a possible second season? Would you want to work once again with someone you supposedly hate? Please, start using your brains for once. These two actors respect and support each other, stop making up things, we have enough already.

I'm tired mentally, and I'm done, I'll keep spreading the ifylita love everywhere because it has become my favorite bl series, I'll keep supporting the actors, but I'll ignore all drama that will happen in the future, because it has been a month since the series ended, and we haven't had a single peaceful day, and it's too much. I've seen plenty of people on Twitter wishing and praying that bad things would stop, and they don't, so on my part I won't involve myself anymore. We don't deserve this, we all just wanted to enjoy a great drama, not be angry, sad, and frustrated every single day. That's it.

[yukidragon]

SDJ Mafia AU Headcanons

So, anyone ever see this picture by Jambee of Jack from Something’s Wrong with Sunny Day Jack as a mafia boss and Bo from DachaBo as his obedient wise guy? Well, a couple little ideas popped into my head to expand this AphroDesia-themed crossover centered on Jack. I got encouraged to dish out the details twitter, I got encouraged more and more, which made more ideas and, well... I’ve basically got a new AU short story in the works that’ll eventually go in the Sunshine in Another World collection.

Since the original twitter post of my ideas is a pretty ill sorted due to going off into different threads, I decided to compile my thoughts into one easy to read post here on tumblr where there’s no insane word limits to stifle me. Hopefully I managed to gather all the ideas together here. If not, I’ll just have to put them in another headcanon post.

Quick reminder that Something’s Wrong with Sunny Day Jack, DachaBo, and AphroDesia are all Adults Only stories. No one under 18 should be playing in these fandoms, and some of these headcanon ideas will go into pretty dark and/or mature places. You have been warned.

Obligatory tags for @channydraws and @earthgirlaesthetic. If you want to get tagged when I make the next headcanon post, just let me know!

...

The Set Up

The Sunny Family is the biggest and most powerful crime family in the city of St. Valens. As far as the public is aware, it’s a homegrown family owned business that came from humble beginnings with its founders Rise and Shine. They have all sorts of businesses all over the city, ranging from bakeries to thrift stores to yogurt shops. Their public image is as sunny as their family name, and their brand is all colorful smiles and cheerful slogans.

At the head of this family business is Jack, affectionately called Sunny Day Jack when showing up in his friendly public-facing persona. The average citizens are ignorant that the well dressed gentleman with the gorgeous smile is a crime lord, and he’s so gosh darn friendly you would never guess it unless you had ties to the criminal underbelly of the city.

Since Jack’s biggest issue in normal continuity is that he can’t be seen/heard/felt by anyone but his sunshine, it would be fitting that his AU counterpart would have a similar issue even as a big bad scary mafia boss. Specifically, he suffers from haphephobia or a similar condition. He can’t stand the touch of other people, as it feels horrible to him, akin to something like insects crawling under his skin, and he wears gloves specifically because of it.

Sadly, this leaves Jack feeling very touch starved, even as he’s repulsed by it. It’s a contrary thing, wanting to know the pleasure others feel from such physical intimacy. Even in this universe he wants to be seen, heard, felt, and loved. At best he can tolerate touch from those he’s closest to even if it’s repulsive. At worst, he feels like he wants to rip his own skin off.

Of course very few people know about this. Most just know not to touch the boss unless he touches you first. Sometimes Jack has to pretend it doesn’t bother him at all, especially when he’s dealing with people he needs to make nice with. He’ll shake hands with a smile, but as soon as the meeting is over and he no longer has to keep his pleasant persona in place, he’ll toss his gloves away for one of his underlings to burn and put on a fresh, clean pair.

Then one day an accident happens. Someone working for his family - some random low level nobody clown - runs around a corner at exactly the wrong time and bumps into him. Worse, their hand touched his skin directly on the wrist in the process.

His obedient wise guy and attack dog Bo knows no one touches the big boss, and he’s on this low level clown in seconds. Touching Jack is taboo, and those who do it without his consent suffer and suffer bad. He’s ready to dish out the punishment, and he wrenches them into a painful hold.

See, it was a funny thing. When this person touched Jack? They felt… warm. It wasn’t repulsive at all. It was pleasant even. It’s a shock to Jack, but he recovers quickly to immediately order Bo to let them go. He wants that mongrel’s filthy paws off them right now.

Bo obeys immediately, dropping the person to the floor, who is absolutely terrified and in pain from the rough treatment. Jack softens his tone and helps them stand up. Jack’s friendly persona is on full display, gentle and magnanimous as a good boss should be. He asks if they’re alright and then learns her name is Alice. How pretty…

Bo watches this in the background, stunned. Even with gloves on, the boss man will avoid even handshakes unless it’s a calculated decision. Yet, Jack is helping this random nobody up and putting his hands on them? Did the boss get into some drugs or something?

Jack is aware of the reaction and does not care. He doesn’t even look Bo’s way. He’s too focused on Alice, admiring the warm hand he’s holding, so small and delicate in his grasp. It doesn’t matter who this person is or what position she had in the family business. She’s his now.

It’s only fitting that Alice’s job in this AU is a reflection of what she has in the regular universe. After all, what difference is there really between a low level grunt in a clown family and a minimum wage clown at a yogurt shop? Or at least she was a low level grunt until Jack found her.

 Alice owes the Sunny Family a debt, and has been working it off as best she can for years, doing whatever was asked of her, no matter how she hated the bloody work. She was bounced around various tasks and grunt work, but eventually found something of a position as a sniper.

Alice’s plan has always been to keep her head down, repay her debt, and finally leave this criminal life and corrupt city behind her for good. Too bad for her that’s never going to happen now. Jack finally found his sunshine, and he’s never going to let her go.

Alice is aware of who Jack is. Who isn’t? Everyone in St. Valens knows his face and his front-facing reputation. Even as a low level grunt of the Sunny Family she is well aware of his darker side. While he does have a reputation of being a relatively “friendlier” and more “compassionate” mob boss than the ones heading other groups in the city, she’s well aware that he has blood on those gloved hands of his…

Needless to say, Alice is shocked by how friendly Jack is being to her. She’s still scared at first, since she knows no one touches Jack, yet she stupidly ran into him because she was running late for a meeting with her boss (someone far, far down the chain beneath Jack). She expects some ghastly punishment, especially when he invites her to his office, despite how kindly he’s acting. Is this some sort of twisted leadup before the boot comes down on her neck? Either way, she has no choice but to go with him…

But the punishment never comes. Jack is warm and friendly. They talk over snacks and light conversation that is mostly just him asking about her. Oh, sure, he’ll get to read over every scrap of dirt they have on Alice later on, but he’s genuinely interested in getting to know her in her own words. After all… she’s going to be his assistant now.

Cue spit take.

Alice can’t believe it. Instead of getting punished she’s getting promoted? Why?

Jack smiles even as he helps her clean up, as it’s the perfect excuse to touch her again and relish in the fact that he can. He just says that he likes seeing her sunny face and thinks they could be good friends.

Thus begins a working relationship between a mob boss and his assistant. Despite having so much power over her, Jack wants Alice to want to touch him just as badly as he wants to touch her, and he’s going to gently encourage her in that direction. After all, he knows all too well how repulsive a non-consenting touch is...

Falling into a Life of Crime

How Alice wound up in debt to the Sunny Family was due to the actions of a rival criminal organization, specifically one that engaged in human trafficking. Alice was one of those unfortunate people trafficked while in her late teens.

Alice’s face is scarred in this universe as well, though it’s more severe. It’s the the result of her attempt to escape the kidnappers. In the process of her escape she managed to alert the Sunny Family (unintentionally) of the location where the gang was hiding. It was fortuitous for the Sunny Family, as they were a gang that were on their hit list, and they were having some trouble tracking down those rats.

After wiping out this gang, Sunny family ~magnanimously~ saved all these poor victims as well. How nice of them! Of course, it's only right that the people they saved pay the family back for their kindness, right?

Alice’s medical bills racked her personal debt up pretty high, but she owes the family. What can she do but whatever they tell her? She learned very quickly how things work in the corrupt city of St. Valens...

Alice doesn’t let anyone see her scarred face if she can help it. Jack, naturally, is going to want to lower her guard and get her to trust him enough to see it... even though he already knows what it looks like. There are files on everyone who owes the family debt...

Because of this debt, Alice is even more of a tightwad than the regular universe. She barely spends money if she can help it, wanting out of her debt as soon as possible. Even the mask she covers her face is cheap. It’s a good thing Phantom of the Opera is such a popular play so plastic masks that cover the right half of the face are so common, huh?

At the very least, Alice eventually was able to make contact with her family back home while working for the Sunny Family. They don’t know the full truth of what she’s gotten into for their own safety and because she doesn’t want them to know of the things she’s had to do in order to work off her debt. It’s hard keeping them in the dark, but it’s for their safety, and she can’t go back home to them until the debt is paid.

Extended Cast

Like in the regular universe, Ian has a decent sized role in Alice’s life as her childhood friend. He came to the city to find her and she confided in him about her debt. To help her reduce that debt, he’s gotten work as an entertainer at a night club for good money.

I’m waffling back and forth if Ian and Alice are exes in this universe. I’m leaning towards not if only because Ian cheating on Alice would feel a lot more unforgivable in this universe, so it might be best that they didn’t. Not that there weren’t sparks of attraction between them.

Speaking of sparks of attraction, there’s some with the owner of the night club as well. Shaun runs a goth (and cat) themed night club with the best acts in town... or at least he wants them to be. He’s working on it, but it can be hard to make it big in the city of St. Valens. Still, the club is doing decently well and he can afford to give his little princess Moon Pie some help to get around despite being blind.

In a reversal of the regular continuity, it’s Ian who introduces Shaun to Alice rather than the other way around. A night club is a good place for a mafia sniper to relax after a rough day, especially when it’s in good company.

Shaun’s family is decently well off in the city. While not a crime family per say, they do have some connections, because sometimes dead men do tell tales and coroners are good at burying secrets for the living if the price is right. Why, it might even be enough money to help their son afford owning his own night club.

Since AphroDesia has people with TV heads and this AU has human/dog hybrids, I can say that Shaun invested a lot of money in some sort of science/magic solution that lets Moon Pie be able to switch between being a cat and a cute little girl with pigtails. Because that’s cute and I like the image. She’s still blind, but she can at least get around better and communicate her needs. What more could a good cat dad want?

The Sunny Family

The Sunny Family includes Jack’s family and friends from the SunnyTime Town AU, as well as the SunnyTime Crew members. Rise and Shine started the crime family and are, in essence, retired right now, with Jack taking over in their stead. Although Jane is the older sibling, she declined to take the role in the spotlight and left that to her little brother.

The family is still involved in the family business, even though Jack is in charge of the whole operation. In fact, they’ll be pretty curious about this “sunshine” that he’s suddenly gotten so touchy feely with considering his issues with being touched...

Buddy is Jack’s childhood friend and the only person, outside of his parents and sibling, whose touch he could tolerate. This is a fact that he takes advantage of and he has a bit of a playful relationship with Jack. Keeping with his belt theme, his weapon of choice is a garrote wire.

I don’t have too many details sorted out for the rest of the Sunny Family members yet, but I imagine that’ll change the more I play with this AU.

Bo

While Bo isn’t an AI in this universe, he is still of artificial origins, just biological rather than electronic. Bo is the result of scientific experiments, because why not have mad scientists in a mafia AU? Bo is genetically spliced with a dog to increase his physical abilities, particularly his senses. He’s the best “sniffer” the Sunny Family has, and is very useful for Jack as his attack dog.

Bo and Jack don’t exactly have the most harmonious relationship. This dog wants to be a lone wolf, but he knows well enough not to pull on his leash too hard to avoid the consequences. He isn’t about to let his “master” put him down without a fight. One day, this alpha is going to be his own top dog.

Still, Alice is going to interest Bo simply because of the obsession his “untouchable” boss has on her. It’s particularly curious how touchy feely Jack is being with her, which sparks Bo’s curiosity. Although, the relationship Bo will have with Alice isn’t exactly going to be harmonious either. Alice doesn’t appreciate Bo's harassment, or his nickname for her - squeaky toy.

Based off of the audio dramas made of him in this universe, Bo is a bit more promiscuous than his regular universe. He’s also a bit more hardcore when it comes to sex and violence. Still, once he finds his puppy in this universe, his attention will laser focus on them, and chances are he’s going to get thoughts of breeding and pups.

Until then, Bo does get suggestive with Alice, thinking he can have “fun” with her and annoy the boss at the same time. However, Jack isn’t going to let his dog hump his sunshine, and the “no touching” rule is going to apply to Alice as well.

Oh, and fun fact, the scientist who had created Bo originally is dead. Bo worked very hard to make sure of that.

I’m still playing around with Bo’s story and his puppy. I got some good suggestions that has left me undecided on what would be the most interesting dynamic there. I’ll have to let those thoughts simmer a bit longer, I suppose.

Overall

Like in SDJ, the main focus in this AU is Jack and his sunshine. Also, like the regular universe, there’s a heavy emphasis on Jack not doing anything Alice doesn’t want him to... and doing things she doesn’t know about “for her own good.” He also will do whatever it takes to prove that he’s all she needs...

Alice has a new position of power, respect, and more money. This should mean that she could repay her debt sooner, but the goal of leaving this bloody life of crime seems to be getting further and further away from her. She had to take on a new loan for the sake of some crisis going on back home with her family, but Jack was only to happy to help, and he assured her that it would be fine. She’s making more money now for far less brutal work, and isn’t it so much nicer by his side?

It seems things just keep happening to keep Alice working for the Sunny Family. It’s a good thing Jack is such a kind boss and friend to her.

“Don’t worry, sunshine, you can depend on Sunny Day Jack to help you with everything you need!”

The gifts and perks Jack gives Alice are so nice, almost too nice. At least now she can trade the cheap plastic Phantom of the Opera mask for much nicer masks her new boss gifted her. Nicer clothes, a nicer home to live in (which is Jack’s home in a bedroom adjacent to his), better food, more security... It’s like a dream come true. Maybe it won’t be so bad to be his assistant. But is it too good to be true?

Still, Jack does seem to just be pretty... eccentric. For example, after a business deal where he shook hands with a politician, he discarded his gloves and asked for a hand massage from Alice. He seems to really like getting massages from her. She finds it odd, but it certainly beat her previous jobs. Plus his hands are so nice and warm and it kind of feels nice, and his smiles are so sweet... Though it does make her flustered when he does little things like touch her chin or brush back her hair. At the same time, it feels good to have such attention paid to her after feeling like a nobody for so many years in this scummy city...

For Jack, Alice is priceless. Nothing erases the unpleasant feeling of other people on his skin better than her. The more he gets to know her, the more she is a ray of light in this dark city, and he’s not about to let anyone take his sunshine away, not in this world or any other.

[bogkeep]

The Independent Online Artist & The Engagement

may i speak plainly for a moment? nobody owes you the Engagement, and staking all of your value and success as an artist/creator on it is a recipe for misery. eggs in baskets and all that. as a Creator myself, i hope you believe me when i say that i absolutely understand the importance of getting feedback and encouragement for your work. i know what it's like to have no audience. i know how gutting it is to feel like you're chucking paintings into a void. i know the difference a supportive community makes. obviously i cannot speak for every Creator, i can only speak for myself and my own experiences, and to be entirely fair - making art is not my main income, even if i've worked on quite a few commissions over the years. people engaging with my art has been a wonderful well of inspiration AND helpful for me getting some extra cash. we post our work online for a reason! i 100% believe in the power of letting people know you love their stuff. there's many ways to do that: you can leave comments and messages; you can reblog, retweet, and share with your friends; you can like and kudos; you can commission them; you can support them monetarily through patreon/ko-fi/bandcamp and suchlike; you can buy their merchandise; you can spread the word of their work; even create fanwork. i'm certain there are many more ways to support creators you love than just this, too! there's a whole wide world beyond just Likes and Reblogs, and different people show support in different ways. now speaking as a Creator Appreciator, i once again hope you believe me when i say this - i truly love artists and creators. when i was working, a huge chunk of my paycheck would go to commissions, indie artist merchandise, and my patreon bill. i follow a lot of artists and webcomic creators on here and on twitter, and i share their work frequently (for those who don't know, i have a reblog sideblog). i think i can safely say i'm singlehandedly responsible for getting multiple of my followers into certain webcomics by sheer power of fanart and enthusiasm. i LOVE artists. i WANT to support creators of the things i love. i LIKE sharing the small indie projects i'm into. it is something i prioritize in my life because i find fullfilment in it - it is not a moral high ground. i'm only one person, though. throwing 1 (one) dollar monthly at an artist i like through way of patreon is a very achievable course of action. the problem is:

i like a lot of artists. it's not possible for me to give the same amount of support to every single one, all the time. i just do not have the time, energy, money, or the attention for it. i don't think anyone expects me to, it would be completely unreasonable! especially because - i'm not alone. i'm not the only Creator Appreciator out here! i am not personally responsible to keep every Creator afloat with my own two hands! HOWEVER, it's not reasonable to expect everyone to do what i do, either. as i've said, it's something i prioritize and put a lot of effort into. i know a lot of people put just as much effort, or more! there's people with more time and money than me out there! but i can and want to do it, and not everyone can or wants to do All This. nor should they have to! they're not responsible for keeping creators alive, either. it's not a job. enjoying things shouldn't be a chore. a webcomic creator i used to follow had to shelve the comic they were working on because it wasn't getting enough engagement, and working on it was unsustainable. a heartbreaking decision on the creator's part, for sure, and also very understandable. making webcomics is hard work, and if you're only one person you have to cover a lot of bases and do the work of multiple people, all the while your creation is free to read and enjoy. i've seen a lot of webcomics put to rest over the years for all kinds of reasons and i understand why! the creator of this comic was fairly pragmatic about it, saying That's Just How The Numbers Are, Nothing To Do About That - and at the same time being very frustrated about it. again, very understandable! the creator has every right to be frustrated about the situation. it sucks big time. i did have to unfollow them, though. it was frustrating for me, one of their patreon supporters, to constantly read threads about how lurking kills webcomics or how everyone MUST show their support to creators. it kinda sucked to have all that ire that i know wasn't directed at me all over my feed. it kinda sucked to feel like i wasn't doing enough somehow, even though their twitter followers are statistically more likely to actually be their supporters. or maybe it was directed at me, after all, for not commenting directly on their comic? was it directed at me for not supporting a higher patreon tier? was it directed at me for not telling my friends all about this comic? was it directed at me, because while i did support this comic on patreon, there were fifteen others i didn't? i'm sure the creator was just working through the awful experience of having to make this decision. still hurt, though. not getting enough support for your work is absolutely a pain point. but people demanding my support is a pain point for me, in turn. i mean, fuck, what a mess all of this is, though! being a creator is hard, being an independent creator is even harder, social media is an fickle mistress and we need to make a living!! besides, not every online creator has the same goal, either! you've got artists encompassing the whole spectrum of "Art Is My Livelihood And I Need The Visibility" to "im drawing for Fun and Relaxation :)" on the same websites, meaning that for some people these social media sites are inextricably linked to Work, and the same social media sites are places other people go to escape work? ARE YOU UNDERSTANDING THE ISSUE HERE i think both creators and fans can be quite entitled at times. we're all mere humans swirling around in the internet soup, and we want the Contents and we want the Validation. these are fine things to want, and i do think creators should let people know what the best ways to support them are! but also - do consider how you're cultivating your audience. people are, in general, not out to hurt you or slight you personally. demanding a certain type of engagement is more likely to get you less engagement overall, because people will feel less comfortable engaging on their own terms. lurkers are gonna lurk and prodding them with a broom is more likely to make them scamper away then unlurk. only ever wanting more reblogs will just leave you starving for more reblogs. yes, you can feel hurt by the lack of attention you’re given... but i also think there’s lots of love hiding in the brush. shy love, tired love, silent love, gentle love, waiting-to-pounce-when-it’s-ready love. if you create a welcoming space for it, it may come forth. who’s to say.

[nekoannie-chan]

She

Pairing:

Brock Rumlow X Reader (platonic, one-way), Jack Rollins X Reader.

Word count: 457 words.

Summary: You was all he’d ever wanted. The problem? You worked for the man he hated. Also, you was dating his best friend. Was getting you worth losing everything?

Warnings: One-way love.

A/N: This is my entry to @caplanbuckybarnes​’ Summary Challenge #21.

        You can read it on Wattpad and Ao3 too.

@saiyanprincessswanie​

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics to be posted on other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other's people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

Add yourself to my taglist here.

My other media where I publish:  Ao3, Wattpad, ffnet, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter. 

If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @sinceimetyou​ @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad​ @navybrat817​ @angrythingstarlight​ @shield-agent78​ @charmed-asylum​ @hallecarey1​  @nana1000night​ @talia-rumlow​ @mylifeispainandiloveit​ @writingshae​ @alexxavicry​  @azulatodoryuga​ @daemonslittlebitch​  @chaoticcollectivenightmare​  @endlesstwanted​ @chemtrails-club​ @here4thefanfics​  @theestorm​   @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​ @patzammit​

Brock took another sip of his drink, he wouldn't take his eyes off you, he knew he was in big trouble, although he had no intention of fixing it, maybe making it more complicated.

You were dating his best friend, Jack Rollins, but you were also working with the team of the person Brock hated most in this world, and that was Steve Rogers.

He was running his eyes over the way you were dancing on the dance floor, he still didn't understand how you could be with someone like Jack, even if he was his friend, he knew it was boring, so basically, he was on the floor, standing around while you were dancing, having fun.

Maybe he should...

The problem was that Jack was his best friend.

This wasn't supposed to be happening.

He wasn't supposed to have feelings for you.

If he did something, he could lose everything he had, but would it be worth it?

He kept seeing you—it was impossible not to—and you had him completely mesmerized. Maybe he could do something that no one would suspect.

Maybe...

He took another sip, put down his drink, stood up, and headed back to where you were.

You had a feeling Jack was getting bored, but he didn't dare say anything to you; you didn't even notice when Brock stopped next to you until he spoke.

"Why don't you go get a drink while I dance with her?” You've never been good at dancing," Brock said, taking your hand. You smiled.

Jack just made a noise, and he left to get a drink, in the end, Brock was right, he never danced, his thing was to use weapons and go on missions, but you had insisted him so much to dance that he couldn't refuse.

Brock smiled; in the end, he would let you make the decision, so nobody would have any problems. He was trying to talk to you, but it seemed normal.

Two months later.

 You entered the gym, you had arrived alone because Jack was on a mission, you sighed, you had noticed that lately, Brock's behavior was a little strange in the last weeks.

That day, it was your turn to train with Brock, and although you thought it was strange that no one else arrived, other than that, everything seemed normal, as in all the previous training, until he kissed you. You immediately pulled away.

"What's wrong with you?” I'm your best friend's girlfriend; don't ever speak to me again in your life.” You spat, slapped him, and left."

Brock pursed his lips; there was the answer; it was one-way; now he didn't know if you would say anything to Jack or what he would do.

[mrs-monaghan]

Hello! I hope you are doing well. This is my first ask 😁. I have been commenting on your posts for a while but never sent an ask. I am sending this one because I need help finding a Jikook clip. I was hoping that you or people who read your blog could help me find it.

I saw the clip 2 to 3 years ago. I don't remember if it was on Twitter or on YouTube and also don't know if it was edited or original content. My memory of the clip is fading.

So in the clip, BTS was doing a radio interview in a western country (I believe the US). Then Jimin was either trying to touch JK or get his attention without anyone noticing . The thing is he thought he was being discreet about it and that nobody had noticed ( a bit like the footsie in bon voyage). But one of the female radio host saw what he was doing and starred straight at him with a knowing look on her face. And when Jimin realized she was looking he froze, got scared and his facial expression displayed embarrassment like someone caught doing something he should not.

I would like to find the clip again to check whether it was edited or not. Cause if it is not edited what happened is a dead give away to what is going on between Jikook. Also I don't think many Jikookers know about this clip cause I never see anyone bring it up.

Thank you 😊

Hello my dear. Maybe its not talked about because its not really a moment?

I've seen it flying around just like u and really the only thing that happened was that Jimin happened to place his hand on the table and it touched JK's hand that was already there.

I don't think Jimin was trying to do anything at all except lay his hand on the table to get comfortable. But if the edit you watched had a good slowmo and sensual music of course the clip will come off sus as hell. Also the lady is looking at Jhope in that moment

If you put your phone on landscape and zoom in you can check for yourself. There is nothing to see here my dear. 😊

Unless u just wanna uwu at the fact that Jikook hands touched, of course. Which is fine 🤭🤭🤭

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls-Season 2, Episode 12, Part 2 ("Richard In Stars Hollow")

Part 1 and all other episodes here

"You built me a car?" "I built you a car." Version 2.0:

Yes it has already been established that a car has been built.

Sorry Lorelai, he's not gonna build you a plane for you to fuck him in. #SexPlane

Let's see how Lorelai takes this completely factual observation.

If your grandfather had pulled out your father wouldn't exist and I wouldn't be here listening to "you built me a car" again and having to hear about Lorelai's Sex With Dean Plane. What does your father and grandfather being good with cars have to do with anything? How does that make you a mechanic? Where's that motorcycle you supposedly had in season 1? Why is your scarf so ugly? I bet that coat you're wearing smells. That haircut is so stupid. It's that time again! Time for "Dean proceeds to get a very snippy attitude with an adult and Lorelai doesn't care because he's not Jess and she wants to fuck him on their Sex Plane."

You're a certified Butthead, that's all you are.

Gotta love Lorelai jeopardizing her daughter's life by letting her drive some death trap built by a 17 year old butthead with zero automotive experience because "it's a nice thing he did." It's not a fucking ceramic mug he made for her in a pottery class, it's a car. He built her a car (did you catch that yet?) Lorelai just gets more and more insufferable and we're only at the halfway mark of season 2. It will continue to go downhill from here. *straps in* Isn't this the car that Jess totals in Teach Me Tonight? That's the only good thing to come out of that wretched episode.

Rory, you gotta stop with that sad puppy face, you're breaking my heart. If he's so fucking good at bulding cars why didn't he do that for a living after high school instead of just being a career butthead? Why didn't he go to automotive school or something and keep himself busy and do something to contribute to society instead of trapping poor Lindsay into making his meatloaf? (#JusticeForLindsay) Why is his face so god damn punchable? I hate everything about you, sir. I wish you would perish. Truly. He claims Gypsy inspected the car (I think this is the first time she's mentioned on the show?) but literally 30 seconds ago Richard asked him "have you even driven it past a mechanic?" and he said no, but now all of a sudden all of these people have inspected the car. Butthead continues to snip at, make sarcastic comments to, and raise his voice at Richard. Rory and Lorelai just stand there. I'm not convinced Butthead can even read no less build a complicated piece of machinery. Richard and Dean mosey on over to Gypsy's in their respective cawrs so Butthead can prove to Richard that his Death Trap is safe. Gypsy inspects Dean's Metal Box of Death and declares there is absolutely nothing wrong with Dean's handiwork. He did a perfect job. We are to believe this 17 year old butthead who had to fake knowing how to read to impress Rory and is not in the automotive trade made aboslutely zero mistakes building a car from a scratch. Mmmkay.

Really? Great! That was the plan all along.

...should have pulled out. We learn a little more about Butthead's family history besides the fact that his father's pullout game is weak. His father has a shop where he sells and installs stereos. His mother transcribes medical records. And that was your peek into the exciting World of Butthead.

While it feels like every breath and eye blink exchanged between R&J has had a PHd thesis written about it at some point, there are some scenes that nobody seems to care about, like this one? It got to a point that I never saw it on Twitter and Instagram and between viewings of the show I would start to think I must have imagined it. Why, I don't know. Because it's cute as heck and it's one his more clever pranks. Certainly better than the chalk outline.

You gotta love Jess putting dirty movies into G-rated movie boxes. Unlike the chalk outline prank, he did it purely to get back at the people who had screwed Rory over. My sweet baby.

How utterly depressing that this is not even a joke anymore and a completely true statement in the year 2023.

No. No bye. You stay right here. *holds him hostage* Let's enjoy a few screen shots of pure unadulterated joy.

HE'SS JUST A BABY.

PURE JOY.

[obsidiannebula]

but when I put my work out there no one gives a shit. even the AI gets more of a reaction out of others, even if its purely negative. admit it, people only started to pretend to care about smaller artists and writers to stick it to the AI techbros

You're experiencing something that every creative on the planet has been struggling with since forever: the crushing disappointment of "I worked really hard on this but nobody even seems to notice it."

We've all been there. It sucks. We tend to feel a need for recognition and validation when we do or make something. Just about every artist or writer on here has experienced that disappointment, and wondered in despair if it's even worth continuing to make and post the things they make. After all, why put in all that effort to make something and share it, when nobody seems to care? Why keep investing so much into something you love, only to share it and find that no one else appreciates it like you do?

Well, if you've been in creative circles for a while, you've actually probably seen some answers to this question. See, we HAVE cared about our fellow small creators since long before """AI""" was really a concern. For years we've been making and sharing posts to help and uplift each other. We've told each other, don't create with the hope of getting fame and adulation, or you'll almost certainly be disappointed. We've told each other, create for your friends, for the 3 people who are as deeply invested in your rarepair or niche fandom as you are, create for yourself, create for the joy of creation. We've spread posts reminding people that a like is nice, but if you really enjoy someone's art, it helps the creator much more to reblog it, because it increases the work's visibility and reach. We have encouraged people to commission artists- and we have actually done so! See my little icon in the corner there? I commissioned that from a friend, who is a small artist themself. (@oriathura here and on the website formerly known as Twitter, in case anyone would like to commission them!)

The creative community has been supporting each other for a long time, whether you were aware of it or not. I've been on Tumblr since 2017, and have been following artists and writers that whole time, and began posting my own art and writing soon after joining. I have seen thousands of posts of the sort I described, trying to help motivate, reassure and uplift other creators. I have seen friends and mutuals get discouraged by the lack of response to their art, and wonder if they should give up. I have seen them carry on anyway, and I have seen them grow and develop as artists. I have posted my own work and gotten silence in response, and I have persisted anyway and continued to improve my craft and make work that I am proud of, regardless of how many people saw it or validated me through praise.

Because I wanted something to exist, and I made it exist, and I deserve to be proud of that. No matter how many people saw it or liked it.

You didn't ask for advice, but I'm going to offer some, and you and any other creatives reading this can take it or leave it, as you like:

*Find community. Follow some creative people, maybe acquire some creative mutuals. Join a Discord server for artists and/or writers. Get involved with a small group of fellow creators and hype each other up!

*Learn how to tag your posts. Don't spam a bunch of unrelated tags, of course, but learn how to add plenty of relevant ones. Lots of people follow tags for characters, fandoms, and even the "my writing" and "fiction" tags- I know I do. That will put your post on the dash of some people who are following those tags. The more people who see it, the more likely it is to reach the people who will enjoy it- because no matter the subject or even quality of the work, there IS an audience for it. Following and posting in these tags may even help you find community!

*Make something with no intention of ever sharing it. If you love to create but find yourself discouraged and frustrated by a lack of positive response when you share your work, make something just for yourself and keep it to yourself. Learn to appreciate creation for creation's sake, for the joy you can bring yourself. If you're feeling really bold, make something and then destroy it. Rip it up, burn it, hit delete. Art is valuable even when it is fleeting.

*Create for an event. One of the best things that ever happened to my writing was participating in TAZ Pride Week 2018. I wrote a new fic every day for 8 days, pushing the limits of my creativity and writing skill. I tagged each work with the event tag, allowing others to find it and the organizer to reblog it to the event blog, which lots of people were following. Many people saw and enjoyed my work as a result. I saw the work of numerous others and was inspired. I even gained my first artsy mutual (aside from my irl friends) because of this event, so this can also help you with building community! People organize art and writing events all the time, especially for fandoms. Seek these out and see how you can get involved!

Sometimes, creating can feel like thankless work. But that doesn't mean it has no value. If it meant something to you, it was important. And it may become important to someone else one day. Some of my works that flopped hardest on publication are the ones that still get the occasional note or AO3 comment here and there months and years later, because they appealed to very few people, but those few people are very excited on the rare occasion they find something that scratches the particular itch they have!

When I was in 7th grade, we read Summer of My German Soldier. I don't know that I'd recommend the book to anyone else; in truth I don't remember much from it, aside from the main character getting a bad perm. But one quote from that book has stuck with me my whole life. It led to me the understanding of creation as a powerful, almost sacred act, regardless of how many people view it. For "there is more nobility in building a chicken coop than in destroying a cathedral."

[blazinginferno626]

Trigger warning for people who don’t want to read about any Hazbin, Helluva or Vivziepop controversy or any of those subjects in general ........

I really wanna get this off my chest i don’t think Hazbin Hotel should get as much hate as it does. First off, I will say I am a fan of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss I will admit that. Second, I am not here to call out anyone in particular this is just general things that I really want to say. I have noticed a lot on twitter that there are a lot of antis that aren’t found of viv or her work. That’s completely fine you don’t have to like her or her shows. But from what I see is that a lot of these people are minors who don’t even get past things they’ve heard about viv on the internet. And the things that they criticize doesn’t really have any ground to stand on because they really know nothing about the show or any of the characters believing they are stereotypes and not even seeing past the surface traits of these characters. One of these characters in particular is Mimzy for being a Jewish antisemitic stereotype, so first and for most Mimzy isn’t canonically Jewish and has never been implied to be. And the only leg to stand on for that is her nose Mimzy doesn’t have personality traits for a Jewish stereotype she’s very materialistic and likes to spend money according to viv in a livestream and is a total diva like Angel Dust they both are divas who like to buy very expensive things. And a lot of people just assumed she was Jewish because of her design which says a lot more about them than her. 

Another thing this isn’t a really big thing honestly just something I wanted to mention. Viv has shown to like the Cuphead Show and fans weren’t happy about that saying they needed to keep their show away from her. Like WTF do you mean “your show” The Cuphead show is literally for anybody who’d watch it and that statement is unfair and sounds so fucking entitled. Also, you’re telling everybody to watch the show for it to get renewed but then telling someone else not to. Like how does that make any sense at all. You don’t get to decide who does and doesn’t watch the show, it’s not yours it’s for anybody. That has less to do with Hazbin it’s just something I really wanted to say. Also, if somebody who has a lot of fans recommends something and they hadn’t seen it they would probably try it. Just saying.

Last thing is the character designs and leaks. A lot of people are critizing viv’s character designs for Hazbin, which again no one needs to like. But as some people have pointed out that It’s not just her a whole team helps design and shape characters. So you wanna dunk on viv whatever just no you’re also insulting that character designers that helped her with her characters and show and nobody who’s just doing their job deserves that. And those leaks that were critizing the writing on Hazbin, first off, I heard a storyboarder on the show got fired because those leaks were going around. Second, it probably didn’t help that people retweeted it about the writing. Like leaving Hazbin out of the pictue for a sec. people shouldn’t post leaks weither they like the show or not it hurts the people making the show and the people who did that should feel ashamed. 

Lastly, IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE SHOW DON’T FUCKING RETWEET IT. LIKE SERIOUSLY DON’T MAKE A POST ABOUT HATING IT OR SAYING FANS OF THE SHOW ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE FOR LIKING IT. JUST FUCKING IGNORE IT, IT’S NOT THAT HARD!!! And this isn’t just Viv’s work you know this is a whole team of storyboard artists, animators, and character designers that are putting blood sweat and tears into the show. 

That’s all I wanna say on the matter sorry if this brings anybody down this is just something I really wanted to get off my chest and i made this for that exact reason only. 

[girlyliondragon]

Another update, please read, it's really important.

So.. it should be obvious, but multiple people I have or had contact with have learned that I intended to actually commit suicide on this very night through drug overdose.

I wasn't subtle about it, but I also wasn't sure how to go about acknowledging everything I've done to hurt people in a way that wasn't more self-deprecating than it already was since I had no more contact with them. I wasn't given time to calm down and apologize before I was cut out, so I just wrote something and put it in my discord bio, along with the notion that I was going to end everything with it so that nobody would get hurt further by me. I felt like shit and that everything was crashing down, so I figured why not get rid of the problem and hope it's enough of an apology from me in doing it.

The doc is here, feel free to read it if you're someone that was there last night:

In the daytime hours since I put this doc in my bio, friends that I still had came to me worried. Had I not been sleep the entire day, I'd still be pushing to swallow pills and risk potential organ failure or death despite everything. Someone who I won't name unless they want to be has given me a doc on their statement on what happened yesterday. It's not as hurtful as I expected. I guess..

This whole time I was planning, I was (and still kinda am, because brain) so sure people wouldn't miss me, that I was replaceable. I still think that I am and should be. And it really hurt feeling like nobody wanted me around or loved me outside my very small friend group. I had nothing now, and nothing worked, so why not end everything as a final means of escape, right? But after calling my mother, who told me that I need to stop relying on internet people a second time, I need to do something for myself.

Gonna go on a full week hiatus with no social media, this includes discord this time because it's the worst culprit in my mental health.

I'll be logging off of tumblr and discord, mainly so that I don't have the urge to come back here or there.

Twitter will stay the same as it's a private account, and if I am on tumblr it's with me logged off so I can't do anything but look at stuff to calm me down.

I will be at my sis's place for tonight and then at my dad's. I'm gonna pack food and whatnot since she's been waffling apparently. Her words not mine.

Just figured I let people know, so that ya'll can check here if you are wondering where I am. I need to care for myself now more than ever, and many people has tried to talk to me during this night since I was assured to not see anymore days after this. Thank you for caring about me, still caring, to those that have reached out, even if now I'm fighting the urge to tell you not to worry.

I've been so lonely since everything it's made me shut down, I still feel really dead deep down, because I still feel like nobody wants me, but.. yeah... I'm gonna post this and then log out for an entire week.

Thanks for... still having faith in me when I never did, if anyone does...

[scollacequeen]

Ever since Nina arrived to fill in for Maggie (and truthfully, even after her first appearance in “One Night Stand”), there have been numerous people practically begging for her to stay forever. While it’s not everyone, sometimes it seems like I can’t go through a single tweet from the official FBI CBS account without seeing at least one reply saying that Nina should become a permanent member of the cast. 

And I just have to ask...why? Why do people want her to stay so badly? 

Here’s the thing. If Nina could join the team permanently without disrupting it, I would be fine with this idea. But she can’t. We know for a fact that Missy will return from maternity leave sometime in season 5, and since we have no reason to believe that any of the other actors are leaving, when Maggie is back with the team, that would put us at five field agents if Nina were to stay as well. No matter how you switched up the partnerships, with five agents, someone would always be the odd one out. Since we have no reason to believe that they plan on adding another new cast member in addition to Shantel (and quite frankly, doing so would be an even worse decision), that means that in order for Nina to become a permanent member of the team, Maggie, OA, Scola, or Tiff would have to go. 

Of course, people are entitled to their own opinions, and I’ll freely admit that Nina is not the worst recurring character we’ve ever had. I’ll gladly take her over Nestor or Rina any day. But at the same time, at the risk of sounding mean, I genuinely do not see what about her makes it worth keeping her over anyone else on the team. Her entire characterization so far has been that she’s a badass agent with a good heart, which describes literally everyone else on the team. There’s nothing that sets her apart from anyone else that would make getting rid of another character in favor of her make sense. Even the fact that she slept with Scola once doesn’t make her unique because we just had practically the exact same storyline with Rina and Jubal. 

I’m going to be perfectly honest, it feels like the only reason people are going to such lengths to beg for Nina to stay forever is that she’s played by an attractive white woman. Before anyone dismisses this idea, let it be known that when Tiff, who is portrayed by an attractive black woman, arrived to replace Kristen, people on Twitter were trashing her character within five minutes of her first episode and saying that the writers needed to get rid of her. And Emily Ryder/Catherine Haena Kim didn’t exactly receive the warmest of welcomes either. 

The hypocrisy from Nina’s fans is really what turned me against her character. Ever since she showed up, her fans have been going to bat for her over every single little thing. Supposedly, people were hating on her character after 4x20. While I didn’t find any of this “hate” anywhere (I saw people saying that they wanted Maggie back instead of Nina, but there was nothing that seemed especially over the top), I did see several threads talking about how we shouldn’t be nasty about Nina because Shantel reads our tweets. 

Okay, sure, that’s great and all, but where was all this when Tiff was getting hated on for months after she joined the team? Where were all the threads about how we shouldn’t be nasty about her character because Katherine Renee Turner might be reading our tweets? Why is it that when someone bashes Tiff, it’s “to each their own”, but the second anyone says something even remotely negative about Nina, there are a whole bunch of people ready to jump down that person’s throat? Tiff had her share of fans even at the start, true, but there was nobody going to bat for her the way there is for Nina. Or at least if there was, it was only being done by small accounts and not by anyone with some actual influence within the fandom. 

Let’s be honest, we all know why this was. A lot of people won’t admit it or acknowledge it, but there’s a huge tendency within the fandom to criticize black characters or characters of color more so than white characters. Consider the fact that Scola was called a hero after he dragged an innocent kid into a basement and nearly got them both blown up, but when Tiff was a little mean to Nina in “Kayla” (and mind you, this is extremely out of character for her), fans were immediately ready to jump down her throat. And when Nina spent all of 4x17 being nasty to Scola (even after he saved her life, she practically made him grovel at her feet for her attention), these same fans treated her as if she’d done nothing wrong. 

I’ll admit that I’m pretty bitter about what they did to Tiff in “Kayla”, as anyone who follows me on Twitter will know. Tiff is my favorite character, and I hate that the writers essentially made her act out of character just so they could make Nina look good. 

Here’s the thing. Tiff’s behavior in that episode, as jarring as it was to see from her, made sense. She’d just found out that her close friend/mentor was murdered, she was grieving, and out of everyone on the team, she had to work with someone who was essentially a stranger to her. It isn’t anyone’s fault, but Tiff simply doesn’t have the same bond of trust with Nina that she has with Scola, OA, or anyone else. You can’t expect anyone to behave completely normally when they’re in pain. And I do believe that if Tiff had been partnered with anyone else, they would have seen that she wasn’t handling the case well and talked to her about stepping aside. The episode should have focused on her and her grief, but instead, the writers decided to give Nina this sad backstory, which only further encouraged people to bash Tiff.

And no offense or anything, but giving Nina a backstory when we know she’s only a temporary replacement and there are other permanent characters we know nothing about seems counterintuitive.

I’m not saying that people can’t like Nina. At the end of the day, people are free to enjoy her character, and again, she’s not the worst one we’ve ever had. She’s fine. But “fine” is a long way from great or amazing, and it would take a pretty incredible character for me to think they’re worth losing another character over. And as it is now, Nina doesn’t really fit that.

[kuriboo]

My mental health has been really bad for the past like week or maybe even two to where my anxiety is really high and I keep having flashbacks to like two years ago

And it's. I can't keep myself off twitter as a side effect and it's actually kind of gross. Twitter's gross and toxic and I don't even want to be on there

It's related to accusations against a certain youtuber. And it's like. I was never extremely into the guy's content. He got me into animal crossing and splatoon, and my interest in either waxes and wanes. He's on a collab channel I was more into for a while, but he was my least favorite of the three. I think I saw myself in him a little too much in a bad way. I saw my flaws and flinched away. It didn't help that he was also noticeably really mean to some people, and back then we didn't know what the dynamics were really like off camera or if it was jokingly or what, but even if it was "joking" it could still hurt and I was really sensitive to that.

It's not really so much of me putting the guy on a pedestal that's wounded me. If that's all it was, well, I'm nobody, and talking about it wouldn't matter. I'd get over it. Whether the accusations are true or not isn't really my place to comment on. This is really not what's eating at me

It's the initial allegation and how it was presented

And I feel really guilty over this because yes victims should be listened to and believed. Just because the accused has a lot of fans doesn't make him automatically innocent and yadda yadda.

But if we ignore the shoe rp part of the situation (wild sentence, i know), a lot of it really comes down to boundaries not being established and misunderstandings, which is part of what happened to me a year and a half ago or so

Because the boundary wasn't established then, either. Keep coming to me for help, I was told, I'm here and I'll listen, talk to me. And I did.

There was also the fact that this person who used to talk to me constantly really suddenly pulled away and we barely talked and we used to talk about their aus and ideas and they started talking only to other people instead about that and that, uh, was really painful to adjust to as well. It was on me for putting too much care into that friendship and for thinking I mattered or something, but that's neither here nor there.

Point is, I did go to them to talk when I wasn't doing well because they told me to. There was no boundary established on that so I kept doing it

I crossed a boundary that was never outlined to me and I was yelled at and lashed out at for it during a really low period in my life.

So I, uh, tried to respect what was happening and stopped. We stopped talking altogether for a bit, the other person saying they needed a break, and I respected that. In the meantime, they went behind my back and tried to turn friends against me. Things started gradually getting better, we played a game with some friends together, it was looking up. We stopped playing for the night and they said goodnight, see you tomorrow :)

I thought it was getting better

Next day, I was kicked from several servers we shared and they sent me an essay on why they never wanted to hear from me again. During the middle of my shift at work, I read this during my lunch break and had to work half a shift feeling like that

I've blocked that person on every platform I can think of and made no attempts to communicate with them since. If they want to ever talk again, they have to reach out to me, because they set that boundary and I'm respecting it.

There's a lot of nuance and detail missing from this. I did a lot of things wrong. This is no callout post, I am not naming names, I am just airing my feelings because bottling things up is not healthy and I've been doing that for like a week and I am self destructing. I am not comfortable talking to people one on one on this, and this is my personal blog, so I'm just talking to the void.

So let me relate this back to the topic: initial allegations against youtuber. Ignoring the shoe rp, it boiled down to miscommunication and boundaries that weren't established being crossed and leading to someone lashing out.

Which feels very similar to what happened to me a year ago

And I've been trying to heal from that. I'm trying to do better and be better.

But this whole situation is a huge reminder of all that pain I went through, and just makes me feel like I could be called out at anytime. It wouldn't be undeserved, but it would kill me.

"You're empathizing too much with a sexual groomer" yeah okay whatever

I'm in a lot of pain right now and it hasn't gotten much better in the past week. Knowing now the youtuber is out of the hospital helps a little, but I'm pained and terrified.

I don't want this to cause worry. I'm not, this point on, going to do anything to myself

I'm trying very hard to be kind to myself

I am simply saying words so I'm not bottling this up so much anymore. I don't want to talk about this to anyone, so this is the best I'm getting on that front

It's late so I'm not explaining myself well. I've been so stressed.

If anyone's reading this, please be kind to the people around you. Kindness is a great gift

[comfyspookyburrito]

I have to fix this. Twitter is not the place to say this, and, neither is tumblr.

It’s been almost 3 years now and there is something I never should have done a long time ago. Never brought it up because of how much of a coward I used to be. Also because this is something personal that nobody should be involved in.

It’s sucks, but this is something only I can do.

Everything in life is great, so there’s nothing wrong since I put in the effort to change and fix myself.

Still.... I tried, but this isn’t right. I won’t remove or worry about this post since this is important, again my life is totally normal and I feel it paid off to get to where I am today, providing content and new memories. I am grateful for seeing the light after it toke this late in life.

Though, I still have something important and private that I have to undo. And it really sucks!

Don’t worry about it guys, I’ll still be doing what I should be doing and providing fun and wonderful content no matter what happens.

This is here only incase I fail this time, not getting this chance that I have to earn back.

Alright, here. If somebody here does know me from those long years ago and left with any resentment...I sincerely apologize for everything and really need to get in touch as soon as possible and talk about it.

Afterwards I won’t ever bring this up again.

Thank you all for reading and tuning in to me as always, I'll get back to you all in a few days and see how things go.