#qaf meta

[classic-maya]

When do you think Brian fell in love with Justin?

Omg, a QaF fan??? In my DMs??? It’s more likely than you think. Ok I have many a thought and I’m going to work backwards. It might be controversial b/c I think it happened early on in season 1 because…

By 1x10 Brian is so whipped he drives all night to New York to find Justin and even though he is beyond pissed the second Justin gives him puppy dog eyes Brian is falling over himself to get inside him.

Look at Justin’s smug little face! He knows that he has Brian wrapped around his little finger. He starts stripping and Brian doesn’t do anything but Justin is so confident he teases him and asks if he needs help taking his clothes off. Justin is the king.

Before that in 1x08 after Craig beats Brian up outside of Babylon and gives Justin the ultimatum to go home now or never again; Brian storms off yelling an emphatic “fuck!” He thought Justin would go home and in that moment he was mourning the relationship. I think Brian was already in love. It hurt him to see Justin being asked to choose between his family and Brian but really between his true self and being accepted by his family. Brian knows this pain and it’s why he had not yet come out by this point in the show and it tears him up to see Justin go through that.

Two episodes before, 1x06, we see Brian looking at Justin’s drawing while someone under the covers is giving him head. This scene is the first time we see Brian have sex with someone else while actively imagining they are Justin instead. Also he goes to the art show at the center in this ep and he would not have done that just for Lindsay. He is there for Justin and he is sooo in love.

In 1x05 Brian kicks a trick out because the guy was rude to Justin. At this point Justin is already much more meaningful to him than a one night stand. After this Brian tells Justin not to rely on anyone else and the only person you can trust is yourself. I think this scene is so telling because ostensibly Brian is talking to Justin but really he is desperately trying to remind himself of this belief. He is already in love but he is also afraid of what that means.

I think Brian fell in love as early as 1x03 when Justin had the gall to steal two tricks from him. It was a like-recognizes-like moment. Brian for the very first time respected Justin and saw him as more than just some kid. In a scene at Woody’s in this ep Brian defends Justin to Michael and says “Leave him alone…he’s actually kind of sweet.” Justin’s move at the end of the ep was far from sweet and it not only turned Brian on, it had him head over heels. The way he smiles while kissing him on the dancefloor that night and holds him up in his arms like a trophy. I’m certain Brian took him home and couldn’t keep his hands off him the rest of the night.

For the rest of the season we see the tension between Brian’s love for Justin and Brian’s love for his lifestyle. Falling in love with someone is entirely discordant with Brian’s idea of himself and as we know he feels he can’t be trusted to love someone and have them love him in turn. He is terrified of that vulnerability and he doesn’t want to be hurt especially by someone he has allowed to get this close to him.

This follows them until season 5 when Brian finally allows himself to tell Justin that he loves him. He says it’s because of the bomb, but Brian already had to consider losing Justin once before, and instead of telling Justin that he loved him after the bashing he instead pretends that he didn’t even show up to the hospital despite visiting him every day and watching him sleep. Brian loved Justin from the beginning but he had so much work to do healing from his childhood and the walls he built up before he could even consider letting himself be vulnerable enough to admit it to Justin.

Finally, I just want to say that Justin is god’s strongest soldier. Was he perfect? No. Did he leave Brian and misunderstand him a few times? Yes. But jesus Brian did not make it easy on him. It takes a lot to love someone unconditionally even when they refuse to tell you what you both know is true.

Ok, stepping off my soapbox.

[manesguerin]

every time i rewatch queer as folk, i fall in love a little more with the series. i fall in love a little more with the characters. i fall in love a little more with the stories and the relationships and even the endings that each of these couples got.

i know some people don’t like brian and justin’s ending, but it was perfect for them as characters. their love was never meant to be a locked door, keeping them in place. instead, they were characters that helped each other grow, that pushed each other to always be the best versions of themselves - whether it was risking literally everything to take down the corrupt politician in season three or accepting the heartache and the pain of not being together so justin could follow his dreams in new york.

if the two of them had gotten married in the finale and had the traditional happily ever after, it would’ve been a disservice to both of their characters. neither of them wanted a life where the other sacrificed everything to be with them and called it love, because that wasn’t the type of love they had. they had a love with no locks on the doors or bars on the window and because of that, the ending they got with each other was perfect.

it was the perfect culmination of five years of story and development. (but i do believe they ended up finding their way back together and live together in a happy open marriage where they never hook up with the same person twice and never kiss anyone else on the lips but each other.)

the fact that blake and ted ended up back together makes me so happy every fucking time. their on again and off again story was a great through line in the series -- revisited every now and then because they were always the right person, wrong time relationship. seeing them dancing at babylon in the end? they’re finally the right person at the right time. they finally grew into two people who were healthy for one another and ted got his birthday wish: to love himself as a whole and to then find someone else who loved him as a whole, not as a half waiting to be completed.

and of course ben and michael ended perfectly as did mel and lindsey. no notes. i do think emmett and drew one day found their way back together. they had a similar storyline to ted and blake -- right person, wrong time. drew was one of the few people who was able to match emmett and emmett brought out the best in drew.

and of course, michael and brian are still, to me, the heart of the show. their friendship and the love they have for each other and the way it changes over the show and the way they change -- only to end dancing together at a rebuilt babylon? perfection.

so much in the world has changed since 2005 when queer as folk ended, but so much has stayed the same. there’s still so many parallels to be drawn from the show to the modern world and that part breaks my heart. we’ve come so far, but we’ve still only taken baby steps.

but in the words of michael novotny: and so the thumpa thumpa continues. it always will. no matter what happens. no matter who’s president. as our lady of disco, the divine miss gloria gaynor, has always sung to us -- we will survive.

[letterstothefutureme]

Justin’s outfit is peak 90’s suburban teenage boy

He and Daphne definitely hung out at the mall, and THIS is the best he could come up with?

Tommy Hilfiger jeans and plaid button-down, paired with a Hanes undershirt and Lands End windbreaker.

He wore the Bulova watch he got it for his 16th birthday to look older.

The only way he could’ve looked younger would be if he wore Bugle Boy jeans.

Clothes purchased by Jenn from JC Penney (with a coupon) during the back-to-school sales.

You know she made him come out of the dressing room and do a 360 turn to see how the jeans fit.

He thought this was what he should wear to go clubbing and possibly lose his virginity?

He’s fortunate Brian gives zero fucks about his trick’s wardrobe.

[sophsun1]

This gifset I made of Joan and Jack Kinney's perception that Brian was a carbon copy of his father a lone wolf and selfish man vs Justin knowing that was the furthest thing from the truth hits even harder when you flashback to 1.02 where Brian has such a visceral reaction to Ted yelling at Michael "Where do people get off thinking I'm not a kind person? I happen to be very kind, very loving/ My only responsibility is to myself I don't owe anybody a goddamn thing."

Selfish is such a prominent word in his life. We hear it from many of his so called friends. He's selfish and can't or won't love anyone or anything. Yet his actions towards them even when they don't deserve it show the complete opposite. You can sort of see why it cuts so deep when he hears these words "selfish and responsibility" in the context of the scenes with his parents.

We have Joan in church telling Brian he reminds her of Jack, he's equally as selfish always letting her down and mocking her love for God. How she took Jack's abuse and beatings to protect him though we the audience know Brian had his own share of abuse from him both physical and emotional along with his mother's neglect and alcoholism. He denies this but she won't hear of it. Adding on to her previously telling him her new priest has been like a son to her and now Brian has the power to destroy her entire world view and he doesn't. There's also a weird sort of parallel where now instead of her biological son being like her husband, her surrogate son is just like the son she rejects and is ashamed of.

Jack proudly announcing he's a chip off the old block not made to be a family man, Brian agreeing. Throw in the bombshell that if it was up to him, Brian wouldn't even exist. This man who shirked all responsibilities as a husband, a father and role model to his children telling his son who he wished was never born that he is just like him. Imagine the mind fuck. His line about not letting the ladies tie him down, Brian knowing he would never be accepted if he ever came out to him. Then buttering him up for cold hard cash, even though Brian had it ready and waiting because he knew that's all he's worth to him. Which leads me to the anger I feel towards Mel and Lindsey who immediately jump on Brian about his financial responsibility to Gus. Wanting him to sign a life insurance policy because his "lifestyle" according to Mel makes him more of a risk factor. They don't want him to be fully physically involved but they'll take his money. Here comes the theme of death once more, his father didn't want him to exist but he'll take his money. Mel and Lindsey, pointing out if he dies it doesn't matter as long as Gus profits. Yet he fought so hard for Lindsey in the custody battle for J.R, funding it all when he never got that same unwavering support when it came to Gus. Wanting so steadfastly to take care of Justin financially when they were together and apart because that's how he has been made to feel with Gus and his father. So many layers. Sonny boy indeed.

Is it any wonder? Brian Kinney never believed in love and thought it only lead to bitterness and resentment, and settling down meant settling into a toxic environment where hatred flourished. Especially as your parents are your first example of love and family. You literally are the product of that union in most cases, it's a fundamental part of your childhood and has a deep effect on you ergo why therapists always lead with "So tell me about your relationship with your mother/father."

WHICH IS WHY WE SHOULD HAVE HAD A SEASON DEDICATED TO THIS ASPECT!

Ultimately people are always wanting a piece of Brian. The raw, unfiltered Brian Kinney that Justin sees and accepts and loves is not good enough for them. Sure they have their moments and he's by no means perfect but Justin doesn't want to intrinsically change him, he encourages him to be better and we see Brian respond to this. They blow hot and cold, his Peter Pan complex is embarrassing it's time to grow up! Brian tries to change, no this isn't the Brian we know and love, we prefer the old version of him come back! With his friends he's made to feel responsible for their mistakes and fuck ups, to be a support to them, to help rescue them even to his own detriment at times. To feel guilt at his existence in their lives and how it affects them, as financial support or simply telling him how to react/feel to really major emotional life events. Debbie insisting he "owed" his father his coming out, telling Joan he had cancer. Michael at his father's death, that regardless of what he did he was still his dad. The amount of pressure that was placed on him was insane the "responsibility" never ends. It goes to the -> I don't owe anybody a goddamn thing! He got himself out of his terrible upbringing, worked hard and got an amazing loft with a job in a career he excels at. No one gave him a hand out. Technically even when they did in the concerned citizens for truth era he paid them back plus extra. He hates feeling indebted to people, or in need, and yes part of that is pride but also because he's the one that is always on standby to be that for others, so where is his room to fail?

[winderlylandchime]

I have a question that I wanna know your thoughts on, if you care to have them :). When and how do you think Brian Kinney became Brian Kinney. The ‘no excuses, no apologies, no regrets’ Brian Kinney. And when do you think he became the stud of Liberty Avenue? I mean Debbie does tell in s1 that Brian has basically been a loose canon since the day Michael met him when they were 14. And in season 5 i think it’s revealed they went to the club for the first time when they were like 17/18 and Brian even makes a tiny brag about the backroom (btw i will never be over that scene because they put them in “teens” clothes and said fuck it) but I always wondered at what point did Brian become ‘the man, the myth, the legend’ and like how that had to be for him and his friends or I guess Mikey since he was obsessed with him and then suddenly he was fucking everyone. Sorry for such a random all over the place question, you can tell I recently started a rewatch.

Oh dear sweet anon! I love all {kind} asks in my askbox equally, but some I love more equally than others. You have truly unleashed the beast with this one as I literally have a doctorate in analyzing characters (sure, at work I call it ‘case conceptualization’ but tomato tomahto and all.) I’m going to put this all under a “read more” because I love my mutuals and I don’t want to subject their dashes to what is undoubtedly going to be an unhinged character analysis. Pour yourself a beverage of your choosing, grab a snack, and buckle in.

My mother is a frigid bitch. My father was an abusive drunk. They had a hateful marriage, which is probably why I am…unwilling or unable to form a long-term, committed relationship of my own. The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs, and have, more or less, redefined promiscuity doesn’t help…much. As a result I have lost the two people in my life that mean the most to me.

- Brian Kinney, 508

Early Childhood

Brian is the youngest of two from married parents. His mother, Joan, is not employed outside the home and is devoted to her Catholic faith. His father, Jack, is employed in some unnamed blue collar job and is a union man. His older sister, Claire, is a presence but left the home and married and had children shortly thereafter. Both Brian’s parents struggle with undiagnosed and untreated alcohol use disorder. They are both abusive in their own ways. Brian suffers physical abuse at the hands of his father. He suffers emotional abuse in the form of religious trauma and neglect in the form of Joan not intervening when Brian is being hit by his father by his mother. He also grows up with the family lore that he was an unwanted child and his father asked him mother to abort him. In his understanding, it is his mother’s Catholic faith that has doomed him to this miserable life. And throughout his life, it is clear his mother cares more for outwards appearances within her church community and for his eternal soul than his happiness here on earth. He observes their marriage as a hateful one. Jack cheats on Joan and apologizes with empty gestures (bringing her flowers) and words (apologies and good behavior before reverting back to his philandering ways). He’s told repeatedly by his father that Jack should never have been a family man, that Kinney men not not designed to be family men. In other words, Kinney men are not made to be “tied down” to one partner. And in the absence of a model or understanding of an ethical nonmonogamy, Brian learns that men, if they have partners, will cheat. Brian also learns from his family that words and apologies are empty - Jack can apologize to Joan but if he never changes, what worth do his words have?

We also see from his family where his determination to earn money and be able to afford a luxurious lifestyle comes from. He is determined to avoid any suffering (failing at monogamy, struggling to pay bills) that they endured.

Adolescence

Around age 14/15 Brian meets Michael Novotny. He either moves to Pittsburgh or several junior high schools feed into one high school (this is not uncommon in the US). Michael worships him immediately - Michael is gay and Brian is cute. And then Brian defends Michael against the school bullies. Brian also meets Debbie and either meets or hears of Uncle Vic. For the first time in his life, Brian has adults who are accepting of their son being gay, he has a model of a gay man who is loved by his family (for the most part - there’s reference to a sister that rejects Vic and a grandmother who may be oblivious to her son’s sexuality). He receives mixed messages from the Novotnys. From Michael, he gets a best friend. Someone with whom he can be silly and have fun. But everything they reference from their teen years is about Mikey’s interests - the Captain Astro club for instance. What were Brian’s interests as a teen? Did anyone nurture them? In Mikey he also gets someone where he can safely explore his sexuality (Patrick Swayze). In Debbie he gets a mother figure who is a firm (albeit imperfect) ally. We don’t know when the Liberty Diner opened or when Debbie began working there, but there is a sense she was also a portal to the world of Liberty Avenue and the diner provided a sort of safe-for-teens queer space. However, Debbie also cares for her son first and foremost (as she should!). She is not Brian’s parent. When she sees Brian’s influence taking Mikey down a path of - getting in trouble at school for fighting back against bullies, sneaking out to go to Liberty Avenue, espousing an nonmonogamy ethic, experimenting with drugs and alcohol - she rightly calls him out. However, with his background, when she - a clearly loving mother who would have no reason to lie - calls him a little shit or an asshole, he believes it. There is a paradox that develops where Brian does not believe words because they are meaningless so refuses to apologize or make promises - unless those words are cruel and directed at him, especially by people he trusts.

For historical purposes, this is taking place in 1985 or 1986 - as the AIDS crisis is reaching an inflection point. The CDC (US Center for Disease Control) estimates that more people were diagnosed with AIDS than in all earlier years combined (source). It is impossible to overstate the impact this had on the queer community more generally, and on Brian more specifically. We see his unwavering commitment to using a condom even in the face of other reckless behavior. As someone who predominantly tops, he is at lower risk of contracting HIV but he cares enough about his partners to never ever fuck without one. His alcohol and drug misuse harms him and him alone, fucking without a condom harms others. Coming of age during the height of the AIDS crisis shaped Brian. We don’t know exactly when Vic seroconverts but we know that relatively shortly before the Pilot episode, Vic was on his deathbed and Debbie was nursing him and they go on that trip to Italy and max out all of Vic’s credit cards… (because those credit card statements come to him in S1) So the AIDS crisis is also front and center in this little safe(r) space Brian has found away from his childhood home. With the AIDS crisis there is also a loss of nearly a complete generation of gay men who could have provided a model for the type of relationship Brian and Justin eventually try to find for themselves. I’ll say it again AIDS WIPED OUT AN ENTIRE GENERATION. We learn from the models around us. If we are an ethnic minority, we learn about that from our parents. As queer people, we often cannot learn from our parents how to be queer. We need queer elders in our communities. Brian comes of age exactly as all those queer elders are dying and changing their lifestyles to protect themselves and their partners from a hideous disease with (at the time) no known treatment and in which the government’s inaction is actively contributing to the loss of entire communities.

And then we have the famous locker room gym teacher incident. Brian’s first (as far was we know) sexual experience was at age 14 (iirc) when he walked into the showers after soccer practice and saw his coach showering. Brian as a gay teen, gets hard, and to cover up any embarrassment about what this reveals about him (it’s the 80s in a public American HS!) gets on his knees and gives the coach a blowjob. This is the first instance of Brian using sex and his sexuality to protect himself and to empower himself. However, he is a kid and a student and he has been taken advantage of by a teacher. No matter how much Brian tells himself (believes) that he was in power in that situation, the power dynamics are always that the teacher has power. That is the reason those laws exist (and even when everyone is an adult, professors cannot sleep with their over 18 college students, nor can they sleep with their graduate students - that goes against every university’s guidelines because that power imbalance cannot be erased). Brian may not self-identify as such but he is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

Late Adolescence/Early Adulthood

Around 17/18 we know Brian and Mikey are sneaking into Babylon and Brian is engaging in more experimentation with his sexuality. How is this different than Justin doing the same? Well, first and foremost Justin’s was incredibly lucky that Brian was the one to take him home that first night and treat him with respect and kindness. Brian made sure he enjoyed his first time. Brian’s speech about wanting Justin to always remember this tells us that virginity, while a vile social construct, is something that can feel very important. And the first time being penetrated can set the stage for one’s expectations and beliefs about what is good and normal for future experiences. Does Brian realize this because his first time with penetrative sex was similarly good and kind or because it was the opposite?

We also know that Brian graduates high school and goes to a traditional four year university/college (per fanon it’s Carnegie Mellon where Ben is later a professor and is a prestigious university) where he meets Lindsay. Unlike, Brian, Michael attends a few semesters of a community college. Anon, I’m not sure if you’re in the US but a community (or junior) college is usually a two year college that is intended to prepare students for transferring to complete their education at a 4 year college or university. Some students just complete their Associates Degrees and do not transfer. The reason a student might do this is a) finances - community colleges are public and much less expensive than 4 year institutions (even 4 year public universities) and b) readiness - if a student’s high school grades are not good enough to get into a 4 year institution or the student personally doesn’t feel ready for college course work, attending a community college is a great place to get adjusted to college level coursework (classes tend to be smaller, especially compared with large universities). My spouse is a community college professor, nothing but respect to the community colleges. Mikey probably attended due to finances and poor grades (he is canonically not book smart). Brian comes from a similar background financially - I would find it hard to believe that Jack, who later asks his son for money, was saving for college tuition when Brian was a child. Given the lavish lifestyle Brian later leads, I find it hard to believe he took out (predatory) student loans (he also doesn’t mention them among his expenses post- Concerned Citizens for the Truth so I’m going to believe he doesn’t have them). I am going to guess that he attended a prestigious private university (in 2021-2022 tuition for one year at CMU was $58,924 and in 2023 it was $62,260 with another nearly $20k for room and meal plan) on a combination of Pell Grants (for students with exceptional financial need) and merit based scholarships (due to good grades in high school). This means that Brian, in order to gain admission and to earn scholarships to afford to go, despite all his antics at school (ahem chemistry club!), was studious enough to earn the grades needed. This is no small thing. For comparison, I attended a high school in one of the wealthiest school districts in the US and I had special counselors who helped me decide what schools to apply to, how to craft my applications to be more competitive, and I was taught explicitly ways of approaching SATs (college admissions test) that improved my scores (like test taking strategies). Basically I had every advantage. Brian had none of that. I imagine the school district that the Kinneys and Novotnys would live in, would not have all those advantages. In the US, local tax dollars pay for schools - wealthy areas have better schools as a result. It says a lot about Brian - his determination, his native intelligence, and his ability to code-switch and pass as someone who belongs as at a place like CMU - that he succeeded.

This is also the first time that he is apart from Mikey. He’s making new friends like Lindsay who come from wealth and privilege and getting a taste of that life. He is also away from Mikey’s hero worship and any pressure from Mikey (and Debbie) to date Mikey. He probably sleeps his way through the gay, bisexual, and questioning male student body. I do believe at this point he probably hadn’t instituted his “no repeats” rule but he learns that after a certain number of hook ups, expectations begin to build. He doesn’t want to be his father, so it’s safest to make sure his partners have no expectations. He learns that if people expect the least and the worst from him, he will never disappoint them.

We know that if he wasn’t before, he’s certainly experimenting with drugs in college (references to spiking the punch with ecstasy after Lindsay’s heart was broken). He is studying something that is immediately practical (we do not know if he goes onto graduate school, but my headcanon is that he does not - he would have gotten his masters degree in marketing or business and those are expensive and, again, he doesn’t seem to have student loans). I believe he studies marketing, but though general coursework, his own intelligence and curiosity, he learns enough about the arts and other areas of study to be able to pass in upper class worlds and not betray his working class roots. And to appreciate Justin’s talent. Of course.

Post College/Adulthood

He is hired by Ryder Advertising and quickly moves up the ranks. He purchases his own home (the loft) and decorates it with only the fanciest furniture and appliances. He wears designer clothes. He wants to fit in and belong to this world that is so different than where he came from.

My guess is that by the time he’s working at Ryder, he has fully become the man, the myth, the legend we meet in the pilot.

No apologies - he learned that early on from Jack, apologies are meaningless.

No regrets - life as a gay man may be difficult, but he is not going shy away from experiences just because it might make his life harder. His life has already been hard on someone else’s terms. If it’s going to be hard again, it may as well be on his own terms.

Actions matter more than words, unless those words are from someone he believes cares about him in which case, if they are negative, they are true.

Protect others, even to the detriment of yourself. People want you for what you can do for them (protect them from bullies, make them feel special for one night) not for who you are.

Brian has no model of nonmonogamy that isn’t monogamy with cheating. He cannot conceive, until Justin comes along, that he can have a primary partner and also have an open relationship.

Being a “Stud” is another status symbol, like the loft, like the Jeep, like his wardrobe.

Everything is a wall built from his childhood to protect himself from the pain he experienced and to protect others from what he believes is his destiny - to hurt others the way his father hurt his mother and him. Walls don’t just keep out others, they protect others from the (imagined) monster within.

There is a good fic on Midnight Whispers that goes into this quite a bit: Why Not with Me

[hamliet]

thoughts on britin in 2x19 / 2x20?

Me sad.

I genuinely think the break-up is equally both their faults, and there are serious insecurities on both ends generating this unraveling. Brian is generally called out for failing Justin, by like every character, but only Michael ever calls out Justin for what he did to Brian, which is why again I will say Michael is a necessary component of what makes Justin and Brian ultimately find their way to each other again work as a relationship.

Both Justin and Brian both needed time to grow. They're two sides of the same coin, and both need to accept opposite truths: Brian needs to accept the best of himself (season 3's arc will be all about this), and Justin needs to accept the worst of himself (season 3's arc for him). Because without accepting both the best and the worst of yourself, you'll settle for the closest thing to what you think you want... but it won't satisfy.

Brian was pushing Justin away. That's his arc in season 2, which is a somewhat tragic arc (but necessary to build up his happy ending in later seasons). He truly doesn't believe he deserves love or happiness or anything, so he denies the best parts of himself. He never tells Justin that he visited him in the hospital every single night--in fact, he tells absolutely nobody this. He pisses on an image of himself as a hero, because he sees himself as a terrible person. He's always expected Justin to leave him (which he finally states in season 4).

Justin's arc is no less a tragic arc in season 2. He's just less obviously self-destructive. Justin, from the very start of the season, is upset that he isn't perfect and needs help (as represented, symbolically, in his physical disability). But even as he starts to overcome that, his internal flaws start to show themselves... but Justin ignores them because he doesn't want to face himself (because, at the root, just like Brian, he fears he's worthless). While Justin sets the rules for their relationship--rules Brian never once breaks, even after they break up--Justin breaks them pretty much immediately, even before cheating with Ethan. But Justin still says Brian is the chief issue for fucking around, when Justin's the one who can't keep a promise. He has issues with the truth, preferring idealized images of not just Brian but himself, and so he falls for a lie... who turns out to be his worst self in Ethan.

Brian failed in not fighting for Justin--when Justin explicitly asked him to--because Brian's afraid to go after what he really wants: by the end of the season, he's settling for random hookups when he knows he should be pursuing Justin (and he didn't have to commit to monogamy to do this!). Justin, too, settles for not what he really wants in Ethan.

(I'd also argue Ted and Emmett's getting together in this episode signifies they're settling too.)

Justin always kind of knew Ethan wasn't what he wanted; he just tried to convince himself he was. The fact that Justin literally keeps searching for Brian at the Rage party says it all. Lindsay tells Justin Brian wants to see him, and Justin is excited.

Lindsay: Well, Brian is happy for you. Justin: He is? Lindsay: Of course! Mel: It's your big night, sweetie. He wants to be with you.

Excited Brian "wants to be with" him, Justin immediately goes looking for Brian. He wants Brian, not Ethan. But then he finds Brian in another man's arms, distracting himself from the fact that Justin is cheating, and by the time Brian does go to find Justin, Justin settles for Ethan--forcing Brian to feel what he felt when he walked into the backroom and saw Brian and the trick.

The ending is technically a tragic one, just like season one's ending, but fortunately it's the final tragic season finale.

[queerascait]

QaF Rant #1 - The Britin Romance Arc

So I've got a lot of thoughts in my head about QaF... which kind of makes sense, considering I started a whole ass new Tumblr for it.

So, I figure I'll start from the beginning.

I started a series rewatch a few weeks ago as a comfort thing, and after I finished Season 1 I realized that I was delaying the other seasons because I knew what happened, and it's not comfort media if you're too irritated about the plot arc to care.

See, here's the thing, and I'm sure it's been pointed out before, but I'd personally never thought that deeply into it, and that is that the Season 1 Britin arc is structured like an actual romance novel (except that the grand gesture here comes before the black moment, with the prom scenes). So if that's what you're into - and I am, it's literally my career - you keep watching the later seasons expecting them to fully deliver on the romance novel promise that they set up in Season 1.

And then they don't.

But let's break this down a little bit. Britin is hardly the first television couple who doesn't get their happy ending all wrapped up in a bow, but it's one of the few where they hit the romance structure so hard in a single season, within a sexual and romantic context right from the start.

(For context, I'll be talking about romance plot beats as articulated by Gwen Hayes in Romancing the Beat, specifically, but she's not the only romance author to talk about story beats. I'll try to keep it short, but uh..)

Gwen divides the romance arc into four stages: Set Up, Falling in Love, Retreating from Love, and Fighting for Love, with five beats in each stage.

And this is exactly how things go for Brian and Justin. They have their Set Up - they're introduced individually, they have their meet cute under the streetlight, they fuck, Brian establishes that he doesn't do love and relationships even though Justin keeps popping up around him - and then we hit Adhesion when Justin steals Brian's tricks in Episode 3 and Brian gets jealous. They're in it now; Brian's internal self has shifted.

Then, we Fall in Love, roughly episodes 4-9. This is where the characters are still thinking - wait, I can't do this love thing, buuuut... they're starting to really get to know each other, giving into temptation, and it's starting to feel like everything relationship-wise is really within reach. In the show, this is where Brian starts to choose Justin of his own accord, scenes like going to the art showing, the easy way they are with each other in front of the gang, Brian letting Justin stay with him and standing up for Justin in front of his parents. We get a 'false high' here during the very domestic shaving/studying scene in Episode 9. We're a little early for the midpoint, but this is a show not a book, so I'd put the romance midpoint around here.

Next, we're Retreating from Love. I'd argue that this is the biggest phase in the show, from episodes 10 to 21 or so; Gwen makes the point that intimacy can continue or even grow in this phase, but that at least one character's emotional wound is starting to really get in the way. For Brian and Justin, we're getting a literal retreat - Brian throws Justin out after the break in, and he goes to live with Debbie. Yet, we're still feeling intimacy between them - they're still getting closer emotionally (and physically, ha!). I'd think that this stage lasts until Brian is approached about moving to New York. This becomes the metaphorical break up moment.

The last stage is a bit jumbled and truncated, which makes sense, because they're setting up for a second season. But basically, in the Fighting for Love stage, the character emerges from a dark night of the soul to choose love, making a grand gesture and putting it all on the line. (Then, we'd often see the kissing and making up and an epilogue to round it all off.)

And, that's what happens. Brian has his emotional black moment/dark night moment with the scarfing incident. He actively chooses to move forward, he puts it on the line by going to Justin's prom and dancing with him - one hell of a grand gesture.

But we need a cliffhanger to move the show forward, so the season itself ends on the bashing - a very black moment indeed.

(I could break all of this down into the 20 individual beats that Gwen describes, but uh... this is already long af.)

Anywho, the whole damn concept has been sticking in my mind and won't let go. It's not that I think that S1 should be the one and done and fully in their happy ending moment. There's plenty of emotional growth left to explore for both of them, not even including the bashing! But it's... they lured me in with the romance, and then shifted genres for this relationship into love story. And that's fine, I mean, there's plenty of people who love a good love story, me included, but I wanted the romance and instead of exploring that, we've got the cheating and the breakups/makeups and then they don't even end the series as fully committed, present partners who have fully embraced their emotional growth. It's frustrating as hell because I can see the potential.

Anyway, that's where my mind's been at. I've been toying with the idea of doing a season/series rewrite to explore all the thoughts that are clanging around in my head - based on the show and the brilliant set up in the first season, how would I write this relationship if I were doing it for work? But I mean, I guess we'll see.

What do you guys think about it? Has anyone else written romance vs love story Britin analyses that I can peek at?

[kinnenvy]

In defense of season five Brian Kinney

(this has been in my drafts for months because i'm scared to post it sjkfhs)

We all feel a certain kind of way about season five, it's like... kind of unfortunate from beginning to end lmao. BUT STILL the one thing that I will always do is try to defend that babygirl, I will carry him out of the storm of criticism princess style and take him home on a white horse.

disclaimer: this is a confused stream of consciousness and I will get some things wrong because it's the season I've watched the least lol.

Why does Brian act the way he does? We know why he acts a certain way throughout the series and to me his behaviour in s5 is not that unwarranted or different from the other seasons.

1) At the end of season 4 he asks Justin to move in, he talks about wanting to spend more time with Gus, but does any of it happen? no.

Justin leaves and Brian is happy and proud of him, but honestly I would also see why that would make him feel a certain kind of way. He already thinks he doesn't deserve love and companionship and one of the few times he asks for it he doesn't get it. He prepares a trip to go see Justin, but at the last second he decides not to go, he gets cold feet because it sound like Justin is leaving him forever. Sort of, kind of, but it's enough. The same happens with Gus (imo). Like he's accepted that with time all his relationships will end and no one actually wants him to fight for them, because no one actually likes him enough to want to stick around. But do you know who will always stay by his side? Michael. Until...

2) Confession... I don't hate the assimilation plotline. It was handled horribly, but I still think it's pretty cool they dedicated so much time to it. They were doing this in the early 2000s and now most lgbtq+ media can't handle to seriously get anywhere close to it.

Brian and Michael's roles are on the opposite spectrum of the debate and Justin ping pongs between them way too pointedly, because (imo) the writers decided to use him as a plot device instead of a character. (Unironically to me Justin feels the most like Justin when he is being a dick to his mom about her boyfriend) (and even then I find myself questioning whether s4 Justin would do or say any of that)

ANYWAY Brian sees his best friend/brother travel where he can't follow him. Michael has a family, he is married, he has a house in the suburbs, new, more mature friends and Brian is looking at him from afar, wondering why he suddenly thinks the life they've shared is a meaningless, shameful thing of the past. Not directly, but in a way wondering why Michael can't just accept him the way he is anymore.

BTW Brian might have celebrated the wedding of his friends... but that doesn't mean he changed his mind on weddings as a whole. Actually his wildest marriage nightmares are proven right by the two married couples he knows. He probably looks at Mel and Lindsay destroying each other, stuck in a legal battle with Michael /and/ Ben, looks at the kids trapped in that mess and is glad that will never be him.

UNTIL IT IS. Justin, in his infinite wisdom, decides he wants all of that actually and he tries to "tame" (quoting Cowlip) Brian until he leaves him behind because the domestication isn't sticking and him alone is not worth as much as weddings and kids. There's supposed to be something MORE. Staying with Brian suddenly means settling for something lesser than what Michael has. This process starts way before the break up (talks of... puppies?) and it's there where (imo) Brian just breaks.

No Michael, no Justin, constant talk of marriage and kids and divorce and custody. No one fucking cares Brian has a reason to behave the way he does. It's normal to want different things in life, but no one in the cast has experienced what Brian has and no one tries to understand it and understand what he wants and why either.

Brian's entire existence in the series is being questioned: his worth, what he has to offer, what he can't/won't give as well as what he can/will give, what HE IS, everything amounts to literally nothing. he is being left by everyone, he's wrong and not enough. Meanwhile he hates being alone, he's needy and touch starved and sweet, he needs his special people around, but why would he ask them to stay, when they make it so clear that they think he is not worth anything? (he's left with literally only Lindsay who is so bad at keeping her mouth shut and just offering support and Ted who's mostly just thinking about his own dick 24/7 and is more of a distraction than anything else).

The only gateway to attention and affection he has left is sex except that isn't working as well anymore.

[2.2) (little aside about Justin) To me he is a bit like a moth flying into bright, shiny things. He's still stubborn and driven, but in season five his decisions feel shallow, like he's doing things out of boredom. At the start of the season he's coming back from hollywood, where he was happily living in kinney-like debauchery, and he's disappointed to be back to his old life. So (imo) he finds a new thing to obsess over: marriage. Then he gets to go to new york and weddings, kids and manors are suddenly a thing of the past. This is why to me, in season 5 he's just a big nothing of nothing, genetically modified to accompany the brian/michael assimilation plot line and then Brian's ending.]

3) Confession n 2 I don't hate Brandon and even though the competition is SO cringe, it's meant to be that way (i hope at least), to me the way it ends is what makes it clear. We get a glimpse of season one Brian, broken and lost, terrified, hanging onto the one thing that makes him feel wanted, safe and alive (sex). He wins, but the ending to the competition is not satisfying, Brian doesn't claim his prize (he doesn't want it). We get an unsettling, super close close up on Brian and Brandon instead, the lines are not good, but the visual storytelling carries that scene effortlessly. Past and present looking at each other, the future looming over them right out of frame where none of us can see it.

Aging is a main theme throughout the story and to me it feels very fitting to ham it up towards the ending. Justin spitefully telling him he looks good after sighing and moping around for entire episodes can't fix Brian's lifelong obsession with the loss of his youth. Brian is left to deal with it on his own when it's at its worst. He is old and lonely, Brandon and the competition is an escape, one last glimpse at what it's like to be the young, hot, reigning stud of Liberty Avenue, while being fully aware that his time is up.

In conclusion, Brian has not taken steps back imo, he is struggling to come to terms with the changes around him, while also feeling confident about his own convictions. Sometimes he is bitter and lonely and we get to see him say extreme things, but he's also more well adjusted than he was in season 1. He knows what he wants but he's still scared to admit it. Partly because (and the failure with the moving in thing could be a factor in this) he doesn't think he should ask for anything, partly because the people he loves are expecting him to change even more and against his will.

A the same time, he is able to question himself because he has grown and worked through some of the trauma that shaped him, also he has found a new kind of intense love with Justin, different from the codependency he has with Michael (and Lindsay) and the surface level friendship he has with everyone else, which is something that has made him realise so much about himself and what he wants and would like to be.

For the same reasons he is able to look at his empire crumbling and accept it, because during the show he found other reasons to fight and stay alive. When those same reasons are taken away from him, or he doesn't find the courage to go after them, he tries to comfort himself through sex, even if it's unsuccessful, but he's not closing into himself like he used to. He still thinks he'll get Michael back eventually and he's happy to let Justin go if it means he'll find what he is looking for, Brian doesn't want another relationship he doesn't care for it, the only reason Justin became his boyfriend is because he forced his way into his life and his heart ugh cringe lol. Obsessing over sex, age and fighting with his loved ones is not necessarily a sign of regression, just a momentary way to cope with the world pulling the rug from under his feet.

He went from attempting suicide to celebrating being cancer free. He wants the people who make him happy to be happy, even if it hurts him. He's not possessive and he's not particularly brave when it comes to relationships, but he's also growing constantly, willing and unwilling he changes and moves forward in his own way, sometime turning to look at the past but with no excuses, no apologies, no regr[GUNSHOT]

Then episode 10 comes and a lot more shit happens that i could write another 20 pages about but im done for now lmao ok bye

[rainbowcolored7]

Showing my oldish queer status here but this thought has been circulating my brain for quite some time now and I have had several drinks this evening and need to share for those who might understand or have been questioning, cause I know it's brought up a lot in fandom as a frustrating/annoying/confusing element to Kinn's character.

Kinn's style and personal decoration.

In the last couple months I did a full rewatch of Queer as Folk, and because I'm neck deep in KP at all times, I couldnt help but lightbulb relate Kinn to Brian. Especially in terms of personal style and home decor.

Brian is a gay rich bitch (both affectionate and derogatory). He likes his expensive name brand things. He's completely materialistic and not ashamed of it. He's a sex god, he's arrogant, he has a huge heart and he loves deeply despite his outward appearance of being cold and aloof.

Enter Kinn, who also embodies all of these things, and as such we can perhaps assume he is also of the same gay bitch materialistic Brian vein. He grew up in the mafia yes, but an incredibly powerful mafia, ie silver spoon et al. Brian had to work for his spoon, but he buried that behind his bravado and self-centeredness so he could appear much stronger than he really was. Sound familiar a little?

Idk where I'm really going with this except to say... Kinn Theerapanyakul 🤝🏻 Brian Kinney. These bitches would hate each other only because they're so similar, including the daddy issues. Just a couple of name brand sluts who like their boys feisty and capable of seeing through their indifferent masks.

[oidickhead]

Having Thoughts about Brian not having come out to his family yet in S1 and how his whole coming out plotline still feels quite fresh

We've been fed this neoliberal narrative of self made gays who cathartically come out at the dinner table as if that's the be all end all of being a queer teen when it's so unrealistic and straight up dangerous for so many people and just not what happens in real life. Most people's coming out stories are messy and they go back and forth, people go back in the closet or only come out to friends but not family or an infinite variation of those things! And i really appreciate how the show never for a second frames it as a matter of shame or like he's not "valid" (🤢 imagine validity discourse in qaf 🤢) actually by giving the "I never came out" plotline to the most radical queer of the show. It would have been so different if they'd chosen to give it to idk Ted, cause it would have been a matter of him being once again weak and pathetic and a cowardly conformist. But with Brian it's a matter of his parents being abusive assholes and even when he comes out it *doesn't* go well but it's also not scary or dramatic cause he waited until he was independent and ready to do it and they had no power over him. Probably the healthiest thing Brian has ever done in this show tbh.

[thebroccolination]

I saw you mentioned Queer As Folks recently. OMG how I missed Brian and Justin. When they went angst, they reeeeeaaaally served angst. I seriously don't have access to watch the entire series in my country, I can only watch snippets from youtube. I'm so sad 😭 Can you share with me what you like most about QaF and maybe if you have your favorite Ao3 fics about them. Thank you so much, Key ❤

Aaahhh, Anon!

You've unsurfaced some deep memories.

Okay, I just finished writing the thesis below. I'm back from the future. A lot of what you're about to read is pure emotion, so I apologize that it's not, uh. Well structured or especially rational. Queer as Folk was very formative for me, so my thoughts on it are very formless. \:D/

•

I watched Queer as Folk in high school, and it was a core experience. I vaguely remember writing Brian/Justin fic, but I think I mainly just read, and unfortunately, all of the fic I read was on LiveJournal, so I have no idea how to find it anymore. I'm really, really bad with names and titles, so I'd really only know them if I saw them again. :')

I have hot takes, though!

As far as fandom goes, the US version was phenomenal. So much fic. So much fic, and I loved it so much. The fanvids, the art, the meta, etc. It was such a great fandom.

BUT as a show, I preferred the UK version. I thought it was better crafted, the story and characters felt a lot stronger, and the dialogue was fantastic. It felt more inclusive in every way, and it had this…cozy warmth to it. Even at his worst, Stuart is nowhere near as much of a menace as Brian, and I think that's because he has Vince, and Brian has Michael.

(I didn't like Michael. At all. \:D/ The actor is lovely! I just regularly pined for the character to be pushed through a nineteenth floor window and then get stepped on by an elephant tourist visiting family at the Pittsburgh Zoo.)

The US version also screamed Written by White Cis Gay Men Who Held a Weird Grudge Against Lesbians and Didn't Believe Bisexuality Is Real. I was a "definitely straight except for that one time and that other time and that other other time I had suspiciously queer thoughts and also argued a shade too passionately about queer rights at the dinner table" teenager, and while I loved Brian and Justin as a ship, the UK version made me feel like I could find friends who'd feel like family one day. (And it came true, and they're queer, too.)

I think of the US version of Queer as Folk as fandom fodder. After every episode, I'd dive into LiveJournal, read fics, meta, look up fanvids, etc. I learned so much from Elder Queers who talked about safe sex and the importance of getting tested and all the things either referenced in the show or totally ignored that Elder Queers were like, "This was ignored but if you're ever in Justin's situation, here is what you do, please promise you'll do this."

The UK version is the one I rewatch when I want to revisit that warm, safe feeling.

And it'll always fuck my brain up that the US showrunners of Queer as Folk watched Stuart fuck a fifteen-year-old that was blatantly framed as "this is a bad thing, Stuart is doing a bad thing, everyone is aware that this is a bad thing, this is very bad, Stuart" and thought, "Okay, the bad thing is that he's fifteen, so let's age him up to seventeen and make him the love interest instead of the best friend who's the same age."

MIND. BLOWN.

I mean, it explains why Michael's all [evocative hand gestures]. His English counterpart actually ended up with his hot Irish best friend. And, like, Vince is obsessed with Dr. Who, so they gave Michael comic books? Like? Why not Star Trek? And he's obsessed with Brian and has the same soul-destroying crush that Vince has on Stuart, but there's a point to Vince's crush on Stuart the point is that they end up together and Nathan is a high school boy who is genuinely meant to be a blip on the radar in the background of their story.

It's been long enough that I don't hate Michael anymore, I'm just still fascinated by CowLip's bizarre story decisions.

Here's how I'll summarize my complicated relationship with the US version of Queer as Folk:

Season five was an insult to me personally, and I never watched the last episode. That stupid ending reversed all five seasons of Brian's character arc and landed him exactly where he was in the first episode, only multiple years older. And CowLip talked about it like it was brilliant and not a pathological misunderstanding of how storytelling is meant to operate to connect with audiences.

But.

I remember watching the Babylon bombing episode. Viscerally. I was staying at my sister's house, and I waited until everyone fell asleep. I snuck into their home office to watch the episode on their computer because I kept all queer media I watched secret from everyone in my very conservative family. I turned the volume down to one bar, kept the lights off, and held my shallow breath whenever the house made any kind of noise. Because Brian had never said "I love you" before, and this was it, because he thought Justin would be one of those corpses rolled out on a gurney from the club where they met, where their friends and family all gathered, the only place they felt safe being gay.

And many years later, when something similar happened far, far away at Pulse in Orlando, a memory surfaced of secretly watching an episode about love and desperation and grief. Of feeling caged inside a sexuality prescribed to me. And it was the first time I came out on social media.

Because it was a ridiculous show in some ways, and a terribly written one sometimes, but I think it also cut to the quick for many of us who just…didn't have anything else. We didn't have many options back then, and the fandom was massive, and it nudged me a little closer to understanding who I am and who I love.

[classic-maya]

why did Justin fall for Brian?

Ahhh, I love this question because I feel like it is more complicated than answering why Brian fell for Justin but I’ll give it my best shot.

After their first night together when Justin says he is in love with Brian I think he has a naive understanding of what love is at that point. He is infatuated with this handsome, confident, wealthy guy who took him home, let him join at the hospital during one of the biggest nights of his life, and then gently took his virginity. I really like that all the way in season 4 Justin says they made love that first night and when Brian disputes it he says "It was love to me." Even if it was infatuation, Justin is right, that night, that moment, that whole experience was love to him.

Despite not being able to remember his name, Brian made Justin feel like he was the center of his world that night and Justin had never experienced that before. I think it’s that initial spark that pushes Justin to be so resilient and keep seeking Brian out. I mean how do you get over a man who says "you can see me in your dreams." !!!

Later on I think Justin falls in love with what Brian represents. Brian is freedom incarnate; he will say anything, do anything etc. When the audience meets Justin he is entrenched in his rebellious teen phase. Don't forget that Justin is 17 running around all night. He is the kid who told his teacher to fuck off, told his mom that he likes dick, and in an absolutely iconic statement after his dad threatens to send him to military school to learn some discipline replies with "I know all about discipline and you should see me take it like a man."

In many ways, Brian is in the same place emotionally as Justin in season 1. He is chasing his youth. He is angry at the world, he likes being an outsider in society and he revels in it. He doesn't care about driving around in a vandalized car painted with the word “faggot." I mean for goodness sake Brian drove through a fucking car dealership because the seller said something mildly homophobic. Justin finds Brian's fuck you attitude ridiculously attractive. The persona of Brian no excuses, no apologies, no regrets Kinney is Justin's first love.

But over the course of the first season, Justin's understanding of love and his understanding of Brian both develop. Justin is suddenly dropped into this very adult world that is different from his WASPy upbringing with two parents who have fallen out of love with each other. Justin has adult friends for the first time and he gets to see how Melanie and Lindsay love each other. How Michael and Brian love each other and Ted and Emmett and how Debbie as the matriarch loves and cares for all of them. I think he comes to the mature idea that you don’t just fall in love with someone and everything is fine, you decide to love someone and then you hold on to that decision and make lot of little decisions in order to keep loving them.

In the first season while Brian struggles with himself and his love for Justin, he keeps hurting Justin in an effort to push him away. He tells him not to trust people, he flaunts his tricks in front of Justin, he is downright mean to him at times. I love this scene in 1x17 when Justin tells Brian “Being mean to me has never really worked, you should try another tactic.” He is telling Brian that he’s got his number and that can’t get rid of him that easily. He then says “I’m killing you with kindness.” From the start, I think Justin saw through Brian’s bluster and just dug down until he could see the scared boy behind the walls Brian built around himself.

I honestly don’t think anyone else in the show understood Brian as much as Justin. Justin notices all of the little ways that Brian sacrifices himself to help his friends and others. Brian has a reputation for being selfish, but Justin peels back the layers and sees how Brian uses that assumption as cover.

And while Justin does eventually lose his infatuation, he still loves Brian because he already made a decision to love him and to love him for the man he is and not for everything he represents to him. Brian is no longer a symbol to him but a human being with significant flaws and insecurities. This is where I see a massive difference between Michael’s love for Brian and Justin’s love for him. Michael idealized Brian but never got over his hero worshipping crush. Anytime Brian acted outside of how Michael expected him to he was overly upset and confused. While Brian obviously hurt Justin’s feelings sometimes and they misunderstood each other at inopportune moments, overall Justin was able to accept and love Brian as a person not a persona.

Another one of my favorite scenes is in 1x11 after Michael’s birthday party and everyone else abandons Brian but Justin just says “I guess you’re going to need someone to help you clean up this mess.” As an audience, it’s one of our first indications that Justin really gets Brian. Although everyone else thinks he is an asshole, Justin knows what his true intentions were. I also like the use of the word mess in this scene. He is not just talking about the party leftovers but everything. It is also a small little commitment. Justin isn't going anywhere, he is going to love Brian even when it’s messy and difficult.

Of course, if I'm arguing that Justin made an active decision to love Brian that begs the question why did he leave him in season 2? I don’t think Justin ever fell out of love with Brian. Even in the cheating era I don’t think either of them stopped loving each other. Justin was very hurt and he wanted to see what life was like with someone who was deliberate about showing and stating their love for him unlike Brian. Obviously, Justin shouldn’t have betrayed Brian by cheating but I don’t blame him for wanting something else, nor do I blame Brian for not being able to give Justin what he needed at that time. I think Justin was so shocked by Ethan’s betrayal again because he is a bit naive and did not realize that someone can say they love you 10 times a day but not mean it the way you want them to. On the other hand, although Brian couldn’t let himself say it he showed Justin in every way he knew how that he was important to him and he cared about him. Also, one more reminder that Brian NEVER broke their rules and I think Justin knew that and realized that was what he wanted way more than someone who spoke the right words but didn't follow through with real action.

TL;DR Justin fell in love with Brian over and over for so many different reasons. Because he was sensitive and gentle, because he made Justin feel important, because he represented Justin's anger, rebelliousness, and the freedom he desired, because he loved Justin unconditionally even when it was messy and difficult.

[no-literally]

Very insightful! Was looking to see where S & V had that Dr Who lunch — but was it the real (now gone) Manto or a facsimile of it? Also, re: V & Hazel taking about V, always thought the “never mind” in "You have to fancy them, never mind love” means “love has nothing to do with it”, as S makes clear by adding "love can f off”. Think too, maybe more an S1 thing, but S who "doesn’t do boyfriends”, never had a sex + relationship, so if he and V have the 1st would it end the 2nd? Scares them both?

Thank you, anon, it's always so exciting to get further QAF meta thoughts!

To be honest, I haven't watched the series in a few years at this point. so I don't know that I have anything super insightful to add, but sharing for current/future meta readers. <3

[thissugarcane]

Hi, I see your newest post and think maybe you will feel better if you read this https://xoxoemynn.tumblr.com/post/122101010533/did-justin-break-his-and-brians-laid-out-rules

I used to feel the same as you do the first time I watched 5x01 *urrrggggggg* and then I bumped into this post (well, actually I stalked #qaf meta tag in xoxoemynn's tumblr) and she really opened my eyes. I hope you do, too.

hi anon! my very first ask, and I love this sentiment and thank u, internet frond, for linking me!!! it is so appreciated, especially given my tendency to let canon get me down about Justin Taylor's inability to not cheat. (why, JT. why.) anything to prove how the rules were in place = my happy zone.

hilariously, this is actually the way I originally viewed the scene-- that it's Brian imagining Justin and Connor fucking, not that it actually happened. (i'm not saying it was my original idea, I probably read that meta, absorbed it into my consciousness, and promptly forgot the source. this, tragically, happens a lot.)

but then I re-watched... uh, actually it was the scene in the production office where Justin and Connor are flirting with each other, that made me swing back around to thinking "actually, yeah, we're supposed to assume justin had an affair". because the sex scene is shot like brian imagined it, but the flirting scene is shot like Justin and Connor have an ongoing affair/fling. Justin's face when Connor says "that's not what you said before". Connor's familiarity, his teasing touch. just. ugh.

but I'm going to try my hardest to internalize, "they flirted but Justin said no". because otherwise I'mna cry.

[sophsun1]

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you have been a highlight of my dash for awhile. I love your takes and your amazing QAF gif compilations. Every time I see them I am blown away by the cleverness and emotion of whatever theme you chose.

Keep being great!!!

Hey!

This is so incredibly kind and sweet of you to send, thank you sm it's really made me smile!

You know what in the really early days of me posting my qaf gifsets not gonna lie I did feel self conscious as I knew I was the only one posting stuff for the fandom and would wonder whether people found it annoying (I still do a tiny bit sometimes) so to have you say this means a lot.

I do try and always think outside the box and have a love/am drawn to parallels when I'm making gifs or things I haven't seen before. Full disclosure I find giffing just straight up generic scenes the most boring lol, I of course have my favourite moments but they just don't inspire me as much!

Making gifs is my creative way of just having a bit of escapism from real life stuff as we all do here on tumblr.com and honestly it's the only way I can contribute to the site I can't do anything else.

I've said it many times now but it makes me happy that other fans get enjoyment out of my silly gifs because that's what they're for. This fandom may be quiet and small but the fans and anons I've encountered have been the loveliest.

I only wish more people would create in any capacity, it's not about having the shiniest gifs or most reblogged posts for me, I like seeing things that people have made because it's brought them joy and they want to share it. Some of my favourite posts are literally screenshots with witty commentary, or even moodboards, fics, meta posts anything!

Finally if anyone has any gif ideas feel free to send them to me and if I'm able to make them I will try.

[winderlylandchime]

I have a question for you that might be a bit too much but I was watching QAF and started asking myself the same thing and I remember that I really liked reading your Brian Kinney post or something similar that was very interesting so I figured I’d ask you too. What are your favorite and least favorite things about the characters from QAF? Not just Britin but like all of them. Because all of them are perfect in their own way but also flawed so I was wondering what someone else might pick :)

Hello dear sweet anon!

Thank you for this ask, I love these types of questions (as everyone now knows, lol).

As you said, and I think it’s worth repeating, these characters all have good qualities and bad qualities and that is so real. None of us is perfect and all of us have bad qualities. I think that is what made this show so compelling (and why we’re all still so obsessed 20 years later). These characters were real (even if the situations they were in - take down a corrupt politician?! - were sometimes not the most realistic) and we could relate to all of them in some way.

The Characters of Queer as Folk…

Michael Novotny

Good - he is clearly a person who cares a lot about the people he loves - his mother, his friends, his uncle, his partner. He is a fandom guy. Here we all are talking about a show that was on the air 20 years ago, and this guy is obsessed with Captain Astro and other superheroes. He is one of us.

Bad - he has an idea of who people are that is very fixed and therefore when he wants the best for the people he loves, it is sometimes not based in who they are as a person in the here and now. Brian doesn’t do love or boyfriends, therefore he can never do love or boyfriends. This is very relatable, so many of us have trouble updating our idea of who someone is over the course of a long term relationship (platonic or romantic). He tends towards very codependent relationships. Also, go back and watch the beginning of his relationship with Ben. I’m not talking about breaking up early in their relationship about his serostatus, I’m talking about after they reunite and Debbie disapproves and Michael makes all these (very good) points about dating Ben but he does it… in front of Ben. CRINGE. AWKWARD. I WOULD ACTUALLY DIE IF SOMEONE DID THAT TO ME.

Ted Schmidt

Good - he is intelligent and kind, he has a biting sense of humor, he is loyal.

Bad - he has the world’s lowest self-confidence. Rather than just own his love of accounting and opera, he is ashamed of it. He has remarkable growth in this respect over the course of the series and I would argue he is the character that grows the most (and whose growth is not erased by the end of the series).

Emmett Honeycutt

Good - oh my god I love him so much. He is a femme queen and he lets his flame burn bright. He is kind and funny and can take a joke and dish it right back.

Bad - oof this one is hard because I do love him so much. I think he tends to want to shy away from the darkness and as a result when a loved one is going through a dark time (ahem Ted), he struggles to be able to help much beyond something surface level. His understanding of substance abuse disorders could be improved. Also, the party he plans for Ben’s birthday is full cringe racist.

Debbie Novotny

Good - she is fiercely protective and an ally to the gay boys of Liberty Avenue. She does not back down from a challenge. She has had to be strong as a young single mother and she did a good job with what she had to work with.

Bad - as a young single mother she and her son have a codependent relationship and this models that type of relationship for her son to develop with other people. Her protectiveness knows no loyalty, except to her son. Her “adoptive son” Brian gets the short end of the stick when his needs are in conflict with her son’s. Which makes sense, but then don’t pretend to be a mother to Brian. She thinks she knows better than people about what is good for them and what they need and this sometimes extends beyond advice giving (telling Brian to tell Justin he loves him after zucchini man) to taking action (as @kinnenvy rightly points out - telling Joan that Brian has cancer). Ma’am, you do not do that. Also, she uses the word fag (which I have no problem with queer people reclaiming but she is… not actually queer) and dates a cop, so she loses major ally points in my book.

Ben Bruckner

Good - he is very good looking. He is smart and driven. He brings an alternative perspective to the group. He honors who Michael is and allows him to let his fandom freak flag fly (we should all have partners and friends who do this, btw).

Bad - toxic positivity thy name is Ben Bruckner. Why does Ben have a flirtation with steroids? Because his “look on the bright side, glass half full, be positive” mentality does not allow for any negativity. And life has negativity in it. We need to acknowledge it and not push it away in order to deal with it. His understanding of Buddhism is incomplete and lacking (from my own study of Buddhism). Also, he is really freaking boring.

Melanie Marcus

Good - she is smart, she knows who she is as a Jewish dyke, and she is unapologetic. She is apparently a lawyer who specializes in everything from civil rights to custody to entrapment/indecent exposure (whatever Vic was charged with). She is able to change her mind (about getting married, etc.)

Bad - she cheats on her partner and then when her partner cheats on her she decides it’s different because biphobia. She is jealous of Brian and this warps her image of him. She is stubborn.

Lindsay Peterson

Good - she is kind and she loves fiercely. I like her relationship with Justin and the way she mentors him.

Bad - oof. I cannot scream enough about her decision to have Brian father Gus. First of all, her partner is jealous/doesn’t like him. I don’t know what type of long term relationships you’ve had, anon, but this is not how you treat your partner. Yes, she’s the one carrying the fetus but her partner should get veto power over the sperm donor (or father… more on that in a second). I cannot even imagine doing that to my spouse. We even had a brief moment of insanity where we contemplated having a kid so that isn’t something so difficult to imagine. Like, how do you do that? Then that brings me to her relationship with Brian. Maybe Lindsay is bisexual but can’t acknowledge because of biphobia (from the writers first and foremost, like I know biphobia was super acceptable in the early 2000s but c’mon, do better!), but having a crush on someone who will never love you back is something to work out in therapy. It’s not something to allow to go unchecked and wreck your relationship with your partner. Her crush, I would say, is worse than Michael’s because it’s almost like she doubts Brian when he says he is not interested in women. (Let’s reverse the situation and imagine a man constantly flirting with a lesbian and telling her how he imagined they would wind up together and how gross and boundary crossing that would seem.) Also, she has him in this box (Peter Pan) and again, refuses to acknowledge that he might grow and change. She gives him mixed messages - you need to grow and be a good partner to Justin but also this isn’t you and you need to remain you. Another mixed message? Oh you’ll just be the sperm donor, make a cameo appearance, etc. but then “You need to spend time with your son.” Obviously, people raise kids in all types of relationship configurations. But from my understanding, Brian was going to donate the sperm and Lindsay and Melanie would be the parents. So is he the sperm donor or is he the father? Both Brian and Melanie would like to know.