#quasi-shitpost

[liskantope]

Since following a word/name with "(sp)" is a long-used method to convey that the writer isn't sure of having spelled the word/name correctly, maybe it's time to start putting something like "(pr)" after a third-person pronoun to express doubt about having gotten someone's correct pronoun in writing.

[squipedmew]

Love seeing Cleo and Bdubs’s dynamic in the life series because it’s literally just

yeah

[szethsmom]

Tfw your culture’s approach to death and grief can at BEST be described as “conceal, don’t feel” and you are on the outs with organized religion and spirituality but you still have the human need for mourning rituals so you just cobble shit together like a deranged magpie collecting shinies

[stan-the-cinnamon-roll-uris]

[poorlydrawndirk]

We're on air.

More precisely, I was on air when I recorded this, but the details are largely irrelevant. Because I don't really feel like covering fuckin' introductory quantum mechanics and telling you exactly how the influence of the Skaian universe, when applied at the quark level and taken alongside the probabilistic effect of quantum behavior, superposes via particle states and results in the formation of what you might refer to as "overlapping timelines". And that's already getting real abecedarian about this shit.

Yeah, sue me. Try boning up on basic physics while you're at it.

So. I'm sure you'd love to hear about how I managed to rig this sick as hell channel-cum-blog up and get it to straddle the space-time continuum like an antediluvian Olympic gymnast doing mad splits over baby's first toy pony, but that ain't the point of this little exercise. Posting what's effectively a vlog is enough of an onanistic venture without adding Skaian Principles For Dummies: Electric Boogaloo to the schedule.

Where was I?

(Rhetorical question. Don't answer, if it needed to be said.)

The name's Dirk.

Strider. Yeah, that Strider.

I'd be more worried about internet safety, but seeing as there are only up to two people alive around here no matter how far you pull my timeline back, and I'm one of 'em, it doesn't exactly compute. Face it, brosephine: you aren't getting to year 24xx post-hilarocaust, and you sure aren't getting past that. Wasn't shat out of a lab yet when you were committing identity theft and scamming doddering old ladies out of their sadsack pensions.

(If you manage to get pizza delivered out here, I'll tip extra.)

Besides, you already knew my name, didn't you?

Maybe your next question's going to be:

"Why are you calling this a vlog when it's obviously just a blog?"

Or maybe,

"Why is your URL poorlydrawndirk when it's totally malapropos?"

Buckle in, kids. Strap yourself into that convertible toddler-safe harness and keep your ass glued tight to all the prime polyester-lined foam, because this ride's about to pull into the station and vehicular standards are some passé 21st century horseshit.

The first thing you have to understand is that even peering upon the brink of these echelons of irony is a skill that you'll never grasp in your life. But that's fine. I'm around. And if it puts your mind at ease,

I'll be the one pulling the strings here.

(There's the tired callback. It's not wrong, but it's tired. Worn out enough for it to be begging you to take it out back behind the shed and put it out of its misery.)

(I'll leave it at that for now, because self-referencing is one thing, but if I get any more meta, I'll have to start narrating in twelve-point Times New Roman.)

Anyway, I'll be breaking it down, just this once. Magnanimous as hell, I know. I could wax poetic and in doing so obfuscate the actual meaning once more from obtuse minds, thereby adding another strata to irony so layered that it's settled past sedimentary and is ready to unearth some fossil formations, but let's be real. That shit would fly over your head so far it'd be trying to dial ground control at Houston.

Here we go.

Vlogs aren't cool; making one ironically is.

Putting in this much effort into making a multiversal vlog makes it cooler, ironically.

Putting in this much effort to make a multiversal vlog when the doomed timelines are all inherently fuckin' doomed, as the name implies, and therefore functionally useless to communicate with, makes it more ironic.

I have Heart powers and am able to achieve my ultimate self through my alpha timeline. Therefore, not only is this pimped-out vlog functionally useless, but I actually don't need it at all.

Which means this wasn't too hard to set up to begin with. Ironic, considering the complex presupposed conditions necessary for bridging that 'verse gap.

And despite framing this as a vlog, this is obviously a blog.

Even though it's just a blog, all these drawings I've made had you convinced that I really thought I was posting a vlog.

And in a way, I'm still making one. It ain't the traditional format, but the almost videographic mannerisms I've been laying on you more than compensate for the fact that the video part of "vlog" doesn't exist.

Except it does, for me.

And because it does, none of these pictures are drawn to begin with. They're all film stills. Screenshots, if you prefer.

Which makes the qualifier of "poorly drawn" untrue.

But it's also almost true, because you can call them poorly drawn by virtue of them not even being drawn. Ride that definition of "poorly" down the one-way rail and you're here, selfie central, population two, me and you.

Of course, that means we have to cover the quandary of truth itself. What constitutes the truth? Titillate that thought for a second.

If I consider the attached files to be selfies, but you consider them to be illustrations, which is it actually?

An analysis of the "truth" means that we have to start delineating how much of this is subjective, tying us in bed with the concept of knowledge. The Socratic take calls for dialectical conversation and inquiry via questioning; therefore, if I just bequeath my knowledge to you on a pretty little metaphorical platter, it won't mean fuckall. So we have to keep digging. Get your pickaxe ready, 'cause we ain't hitting any diamonds of wisdom any time soon.

In fact, maybe that ain't the right direction. Flip it turnways. We gotta climb a li'l higher for what we need.

Maybe we gotta head to the roof.

now. brought cal.

where making this HAPEN.

Haha.

Just fuckin' with you.

Welcome to my blog, dude.

Want water? Imagine I got you a nice, chilled glass.

Let's get this parasocial relationship pumping.

Questions? Concerns? Misguided pseudo-parental queries about whether or not it's safe for your pipsqueak to be exposed to a full dose of radically Stridered bullshit?

Cool.

Make it all three and drop it in the asks, yeah?

[chinzhilla]

Let me be the first kiss in your new memory.

[haethealhell]

I'M ALLOWED TO YAP ABOUT SPACE IN CLASS WOOO

[ageofzero]

it's shitpost o'clock time, lads

okay but this existing in FF7R cracks me up. Imagine it like a Hamilton analogue, a musical retelling of the founding of Midgar and its major players.

I think this is so deliciously cursed as an idea, does anyone else see my vision

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

bizarre sci-fi novel idea

You're an evil alien who needs to make sure that an evil human doesn't have their soul eaten by evil angels. The only way to make sure this doesn't happen would be for the two of you to be in the same room, right?

You need some human soul to harvest for your own purposes, so you decide to set a trap by going to the human's favorite restaurant.

You've never been there before.

[larmegliamori]

Must a graduation speech really be written down? Isn't it enough to remember stuff from the actual thesis and make up shit as you go?

[wendelyngandr]

>be an osteographer >go to a new town >locals are welcoming and accommodation is not hard to find >spend the afternoon getting to know the place >finally decide to get down to it >ask guide for directions to the cemetery >"Oh, in this city we cremate our dead." >mfw

[liskantope]

I've noticed for a long time that the name Obi-Wan Kenobi was clearly intended to sound Japanese (in the sense of sounding and being spelled like something coming out of Japanese phonology), it took all these further years for it to occur to me that this is pretty much true of all of the Old Republic Jedi (with some role in the prequel movies). Okay, the name Mace doesn't look or sound Japanese, but the Windu part does; the name Qui-Gon Jinn isn't spelled in a Roman-adaptation-of-Japanese way but sounds pretty close to Japanese; even Dooku can pass for Japanese I think (note that George Lucas pronounces it with a long O as I believe the Japanese would); and there's Ki-Adi-Mundi; and then... wait for it... Yoda passes for a Japanese name as well.

[stunmewithyourlasers]

Tesi ufficialmente finita,tempo record di scrittura 14 giorni e ho avuto pure sbatti di fare ricerche extra.

Almeno ho fatto le 4 di notte solo una volta(adesso). Quasi quasi caricherei il post per domani, signora mia l'engagement del blog(lo shitposting non dorme mai)

Ora sta tutto alla prof che mi aveva detto "tranquillo l'importante è che me la mandi prima dell'8"(giorno di scadenza per caricarla nel portale).

Adesso mi riposo guardando un mondo grato per la mia opera.

[mchiti]

"Il blocco inter" è una cosa che può andare bene come shitposting affettuoso tra noi dell'interblr online per supportare i nostri, ma a livello mediatico - per non parlare di spalletti - mi ha davvero dato fastidio dal giorno 0. E mi ha dato fastidio perché lo sapevo che alla prima dimostrazione degli inesorabili limiti di questa nazionale avrebbero subito messo di mezzo l'inter. Il discorso blocchi intanto si fa per reparto. I tre dell'asse di difesa, la progressione tra braccetti e i quinti, i tre di centrocampo, i due attaccanti, questi sono i blocchi inter. I giocatori in nazionale non sono un blocco, sono semplicemente cinque interisti in nazionale. L'inter gioca benissimo insieme, che vi piaccia o meno, ma non è tenuta a salvare alcuna baracca in nazionale come "blocco". Analizzare le qualità di ogni giocatore dell'inter e quello che fanno fuori dal club si chiama ossessione. E pure fissarsi con il discorso nazionale, che sia quella italiana o le altre, pure quella è ossessione - il discorso nazionale della qualità di un giocatore dice quasi nulla, veramente, non c'è più deprimente del contesto nazionale dove entrano in gioco 1000 variabili diverse per valutare le qualità di qualcuno. Se vi rode che non avete rappresentanza in nazionale non è colpa dell'inter.

[t3nshe]

Tfw you just reblogged a bunch of quasi horni shitposts and you happen on an artist you like so you follow them and quickly go reblog your art so it's there in case they check you out

[heroes-fading]

inordinary notes

local woman figured out the spotify playlist of it all - you can listen to it at that link

icymi i did a joel + ellie musicians au that has become my baby, all of these songs are songs i imagine in this little universe. it’s been a lot of fun to play around with so i’m so. happy. when i hear folks are having a good time with it.

some additional notes about this fic that just didn’t fit but are fun to think about:

- the femme-led label ellie is on for five minutes is inspired by saddest factory records. david offers to drop the defemation suit on the condition that ellie is dropped from joel and tommy’s label. joel makes a call to the other label (who would have taken her anyway) to make sure there’s no gap between them dropping her and her getting immediately picked up with favorable terms. given the circumstances she gets an uncommonly flexible contract. duh.

- the diner joel and ellie go to is actually just a fucking waffle house because if people accept any weird shit unconditionally it’s always at a waffle house.

- joel is allergic to any and all forms of social media. all ellie does is shitpost on twitter. sometimes it’s of joel making weird faces in the sound booth. she has a lot of chaotic energy.

- at some point ellie goes on tour with muna because gay rights!

- ellie is an alternative grammy loser. joel has never won a grammy because it’s funny. she almost doesn’t go to the ceremony and joel hasn’t gone since 2002 but shows up just to support her. he also gets a producer of the year nom that year and loses to his quasi-nemesis jack antonofff. 

- david being a piece of shit inspired by a long line of piece of shit musicians, record producers, and labels from dr. luke to ryan adams to whomever else. wishing all of them a very ***.

- joel’s job inspired by aaron dessner, a musical father to many! his overall performance vibes, on the other hand, inspired by matt berninger - the frontman of the national and a 52 year old with an unstoppable stage presence and the saddest songs you’ll ever listen to.

- joel has been involved in at least 15 physical altercations with paparrazi. ellie has been involved in 2. so far.

- they collaborate on whatever femme + low voice songs you can think of (my picks: coney island, your mind is not your friend, cowboy like me, halloween). joel is usually backing vocals because he doesn’t want to take up too much of the song. 

- tommy continues the long tradition of drummers being the most stable people in the goddamn band. does tlou have any other members? none we care about.

- whatever y’all want to do with this universe i support and love and cheer you on if this inspires anything for you.