#ragnafuck

[plush-anon]

Just saw Thor 3...

I... this movie PISSED ME THE FRICK FRACKIN FUCK OFF in SO MANY WAYS.

Non-spoiler things I liked before I rant under the cut (under the cut = spoilers):

Thor and Hulk’s relationship/scenes (the fight scene was probably the best one)

The Grandmaster (who was MAGNIFICENT)

Valkyrie (except for her “surprise” turnaround at the end - kinda poorly handled)

Valkyrie and Hulk’s interactions (not often, but surprisingly fun)

Hulk himself - I actually REALLY LIKED how they handled him. I was very pleasantly surprised by this

Heimdall - not on-screen long, but one of the few of the central Thor cast who was actually in character (and probably the ONLY one, really)

Hela... to an extent. She was okay, but she could have been GREAT.

Odin, a little bit (and isn’t THAT shocking - spoiler reasons explained under the cut).

Now you may notice two primary characters missing from the list -- that being Thor and Loki. 

Well, they’re the reason why this movie pissed me off.

Good gods Taika, what did you DO?!? (spoilers below)

First off, Thor - Thor is just SO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from ANYTHING we’ve really gotten to see. He’s always been one of the more serious Avengers, but still has a sense of humor to him at times (I actually really liked his characterization in Avengers 2 - it felt balanced, a bit of humor with an awareness of what was at stake, coupled with his own recklessness and sense of superiority to these Midgardians mucking about).

Here??!? Here he’s just... he’s like a douchbag dudebro more than half the time (see his whole “That’s what heroes do” I mean REALLY THOR?!?! What the hell, you are NOT Snow from FF15 here). His dialogue patterns are all over the fucking place. I’ve really liked that in the past MCU films Thor was in, he maintained his Asgardian dialect and pattern of speaking, with a few places where he shifts and starts to adopt some Midgardian terms. Here? I was actively surprised to hear him sound like he came from the Shakespearean-esque world of Asgard the few times he did. It was just such a shift in character - not to mention the humor attempts. The physical humor moments worked well - any time he actually tries to joke feels painful and forced, with maybe one or two exceptions. This wouldn’t be an issue, except THESE MOMENTS ARE EVERYWHERE IN THE GODSDAMNED FILM. He FEELS like a douchebag, he ACTS like an absolute asshole, and just... urugrurbrjhjrhjh.

And LOKI - oh, poor Loki, he REALLY got the short end of the stick here. Loki is seen as this incompetent, slimy weasel with no sense of loyalty. Any and all character development from Thor 2 - gone. Just vanished, like it never existed. He feels like a parody of his Avengers portrayal, with little to no nuance. Tom was trying, I could see it, but it did nothing to save it overall. (Also, what the hell was up with the play scene at the beginning?!?! That was just... skin-crawlingly unpleasant, and uncomfortable, and humiliating. Secondhand embarrassment was SKY HIGH folks)

There were maybe two scenes that felt like the two brothers were supposed to act. The first one was the scene just after Thor meets the Grandmaster, and is imprisoned in the eternal circle hallway. Loki sends an illusion to Thor to try to talk to him about what to do next. He talks about how he’s in the Grandmaster’s favor now, and between the two of them, they could work together up the ladder of favor, until they’re high up. Then, they could take down the Grandmaster together and make a life for themselves. Thor is angry, and silent, refusing to talk to Loki and pointedly throwing objects through his illusion (and making Loki increasingly upset, until he demands to know why Thor isn’t saying anything). When Thor finally speaks up, he basically goes over what’s happened the past few days - Loki actually was alive, Odin died after being banished (oh yeah, Odin’s dead now - he spoke to his sons about finding peace on Midgard, and how Frigga would be proud of Loki’s magic, and how he was sorry for how he wronged them over the years, dropped the bomb that ‘his time had come’ and that once he did, Thor’s imprisoned sister Hela would break free and take over, before Odin pulled an Oogway and dissolved into magical sparkly golden soul dust over the cliffs of Norway), Hela broke Thor’s hammer, and both of them went spiraling over into the causeways of space and onto Sakaar - and asks Loki how he can be expected to talk to Loki based off of the past few days alone, after all that that’s happened between them. Loki then dissolves his illusion and leaves.

There’s a nice parallel scene at the end of the movie (last 5 minutes actually) after they’ve escaped Hela and Asgard’s been destroyed. They talk briefly, Thor mentions that maybe there’s some good in him after all, before throwing a bottle top at him as he mentions his illusions and how he would hug him if he were actually in the room with him - only for Loki to catch it, proving he’s actually there. They cut away before anything else happens (cowards LET THEM HUG DAMMIT), but it parallels beautifully to the earlier scene. Had they actually developed Loki’s character beyond this point in the movie, and ALLOWED him to have a heroic partial redemption (from his neutral stance at the end of Thor 2), this would have been FANTASTIC. But it was only confusing, as every other scene with the two was a mess - except for one.

When Thor first meets the Grandmaster, he catches sight of Loki off to the side and grabs his attention, where they have a quick hushed conversation, before leading into the whole ‘I don’t know this man’ ‘He’s my brother!’ ‘I’m adopted’ scene we see in one of the released movie clips. I really do like this scene. I just.. do.

I WOULD list the elevator sequence (where Thor tells Loki it’s better for us to part ways and for Loki to stay on Sakaar, ‘Get Help’,etc.) if not for what happens immediately afterwards, where Loki tries to turn Thor in for the reward money AFTER THOR TELLS HIM TO ESTABLISH HIMSELF ON SAKAAR WHICH HE CAN’T DO AS HE’S BEEN MARKED AS A TRAITOR UNLESS HE DOES THIS (but I digress, I can actually recognize this is somewhat hazy). Thor attaches his personal tracker zap device - a device attached to his neck SO POWERFUL that it ROUTINELY knocks Thor unconscious and is very painful - to Loki, powers it up to the highest setting, throws the controller very far away, and leaves him. Still strapped to the equivalent of a high-intensity tazer that can TAKE DOWN THE GOD OF THUNDER ON A ROUTINE BASIS. He’s LEFT LIKE THAT for potentially a few HOURS.

THAT PISSED ME OFF.

EXCEPT FOR THOSE SCENES I MENTIONED, EVERYTHING ABOUT THESE TWO PISSED ME OFF WHENEVER THEY INTERACTED.

THAT IS NOT A GOOD SIGN MOVIE.

NOT. A. GOOD. SIGN. AT ALL.

I don’t know, I just - this whole movie pissed me off, mainly because I could SEE the potential for what it could have been, what they could have done RIGHT FREAKING THERE. WITHIN GRASP. AND IT WASN’T. TAKEN. AT ALL. The Hulk/Thor scenes were probably the only time I actually LIKED Thor in this movie, and that took up like - 10 minutes? 15, tops? And it - uggghhghgghghhghhg. The mood whiplash was SEVERE here, going from jokey jokey scenes to serious to dark to jokey to dark and it just frustrates me. The mood with Hela should have been the consistent mood throughout the movie, with the exception of Sakaar (Jeff Goldblum, Hulk, and Valkyrie got it RIGHT there, absolutely perfect, and that mood should have stayed consistent on Sakaar). Skurge the Executioner was USELESS. The Warriors Three died as soon as they appeared. The revelation of Hela’s role in Odin’s bloodbath army as he forcefully conquered the Nine Realms was in line with Odin’s characterization as we’ve seen it (even if the daughter thing was... weirdly handled and introduced). Also, Thor’s missing an eye now.

(also what the hell was that dr. strange scene about it added absolutely nothing of worth to the film)

(and what was up with plot device surtur he was useless)

This movie felt a LOT like Suicide Squad in that regard - the mood shifts, the poor editing and storytelling, the awkward characters. Only difference here? Suicide Squad, I actually came to like some of the characters in spite of the movie, and I had no previous connection to them beyond that film at all. Here? Here I have a LONG history of adoring these characters, their history, their interactions, their development - and had to watch, for nearly TWO GODSDAMNED HOURS, as pretty much ALL of it was just THROWN THE FUCK AWAY or disregarded completely.

Ultimately, Thor 3 was a disappointment of epic proportions, which felt like a conglomeration of 3 different movies with radically different themes and moods and humor. The only way I’d buy this movie when it comes out is if they do what they did with DC’s BvS - reveal what it was MEANT to be, instead of this ugly, shallow MESS.

I haven’t been disappointed by a movie like this in a LONG long time. I actually  forgot how much it hurts. 

[mentallydatingahotcelebrity]

Let’s see if I understand this right, Loki show fanatics.

This is character growth:

And this is a narcissist only craving attention:

Someone needs to enlighten all of you as to what narcissism is. Cuz it isn’t Thor/TDW Loki. It actually isn’t even 2021!Loki.

Loki isn’t toxically narcissistic AT ALL AT ANY POINT until the moment the writers and director decided to make him fall in love with and kiss himself in the show. THAT MOMENT was the instance he became a narcissist. Textually and mythologically. Narcissism has two sides: healthy, and unhealthy. To an extent all people have narcissism. Loki, UNTIL RAGNAFUCK, didn’t have a healthy or UNhealthy amount of narcissism. In fact he had such low self esteem that mere vacuous words could leave him dubious in regards to his own self-worth. Loki scrimped and scrounged throughout Thor (2011), Avengers (2012), and Thor: The Dark World (2014) to carve out a sense of self worth for himself that wasn’t determined by his relationship to other powerful people. Loki wanted to have his own meaning, to be regarded on his own level. The show ignored this ENTIRELY, instead claiming Loki a narcissist who enjoys making other people suffer—an antithesis to his declarations in Thor (2011). The reason he objected to Thor’s coronation due the fact he thought the other prince was “arrogant, and reckless—is that what Asgard needs from its king?” hinting Loki DISLIKED THE IDEA of Thor on the throne SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE it would cause the suffering of EVERYONE in Asgard.

[nux-morbid-art]

Gonna go see Thor: ragnafuck but first lemme take a selfie

[plush-anon]

Well, I just accidentally read a major, MAJOR spoiler for Thor: Ragnarok

It was in a movie review article with no warnings for spoilers (and the rest of the article is, for all that’s it’s worth, spoiler-free - everything there is mentioned in the trailers and clips currently released) - but MY GODS, is it a BIG one.

Imma put it under a Read More cut, along with the link to the supposed spoiler-free review, but it’s gonna piss off some of the Thor theorists (bc it sure as hell does for me).

Mainly because the spoiler has to do with Hela - and what her tie to the Royal Family of Asgard (Loki included) is.

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT FOR THOR: RAGNAROK. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. YOU HAVE BEEN FAR MORE WARNED THAN I WAS.

To start, here’s the link to the movie review from Variety that has the spoiler slipped in ever so slyly. Nothing else is spoiled except for a few minor location names that have nothing to do with the comics and are easter eggs at the most. Also, (minor spoiler) apparently Odin has been doing oceanfront yoga on Earth while he’s been banished. I find that kinda funny, actually.

But here’s the reason for the Read More cut:

Hela is Thor’s OLDER SISTER.

Let me repeat that. She is his freaking SISTER.

Well, fuck.

This irritates me for a number of reasons (mainly because it was a spoiler slipped into an article not marked as such, as is per custom nowadays in online articles discussing film). It feels so much like it will end up as a rehashing of some of Loki’s plotlines, which is REALLY unfortunate for such a cool villain character AND for the films themselves.

Not to mention, looking at some of the theories I’ve seen, it’s... rather an incredible let down.

The two theories I’ve seen the most of that could have tied Hela in here really, REALLY well were: Hela as Odin’s sister (which fits, given that she’s apparently been locked away for 5000 years? according to some sources) OR Hela as Loki’s birth mother. Both have a really unique opportunity to dig into the characters and peel back some really cool layers.

We could have seen or learned more about Odin and what made him who he is now, along with some very nice parallels to Thor and Loki now, and what they could easily fall into repeating their father’s (and aunt’s) mistakes. It could also explain a little bit of the motivation behind why Odin was such a crap dad to Loki - he saw the similarities to his sister, and didn’t want his flesh-and-blood son to go through the same thing, so he was a dick parent. It doesn’t make it acceptable by any means, but it does explain some of his actions, and shines a new light on his motivations behind them, making for some really interesting storytelling. It also could have had some really cool parallels to Norse Mythology in having Hela take Loki’s place as the sibling of Odin. It could have been fantastically nuanced. It also could explain her insistence on taking over the throne of Asgard/destroying it - it’s a place that’s caused her a similar type of turmoil that it has Loki. Want and hatred, anger and indifference.

On the other hand, there’s the ‘Hela as Loki’s mother’ theory, which could have forced some intense introspection on Frigga’s place in Loki’s life (and maybe even brought her back for flashbacks why yes I AM still bitter that they killed her off in Thor 2 why do you ask). Loki could see not only where he got his magic from, but also see how far she fell in isolation, in seeking revenge (for banishment, perhaps? If she was paired with Laufey, and she was originally an Asgardian, she could have been banished as a traitor to Asgard for siding with Jotunheimr in the war, but still fought to escape and cause trouble for a realm she’s come to despise for a number of reasons - her family origin, her magic, anything could be put in here really) - which could feasibly cause a change in heart and an increased effort to try to make things right again. Also, there would have been some really cool moments where she escapes after she offers to bring Frigga back to life, then casually reveals in her escape ‘Why are you so upset? I brought your mother back to life - and here I am.’  It also would have made for some fantastic drama between Hela, Loki, and VALKYRIE, given what happened to Valkyrie the last time she faced Hela in battle. Meanwhile, Loki is still fighting with the fact that he is now face-to-face with his birth mother, and all the internal conflict THAT would entail.

Or, you know... could have been both. Hela as Odin’s sister AND Loki’s mother. Combine everything together. Buuuuuut I recognize that that could be a LOT to shove into a movie at once, so I would have been happy with just one of these.

But nope. Hela is Thor’s older sister (which makes no freaking sense, but okay, was she imprisoned in time, did she steal and lose Dr Strange’s Time Stone, what’s going on here movie).

I just... the more I see of this movie in tidbits and trailers, the more I think I’m going to end up hating it. Which is a shame, because Taika Watiti is a fantastic director (and I think Sakaar is beautifully designed, Jeff Goldblum’s casting is spot-on). But looking at what’s come out so far, and looking at what I keep hearing about what they’ll do to the REALLY WELL LAID OUT characterization (the movies may not be great as overall movies / movie experiences, but by gods are they FANTASTIC at character exploration and character building, at emotional nuance and connection) - I’m just... worried.

Hell, even the article I posted the link to references its “self-deprecating tone” as MAD Magazine, and even says that it arrives as “a (parody) of itself”. It also mentions that they travel through a wormhole from Sakaar to what the Grandmaster calls “Ass-gard” that is named (and no, I really DO wish I was joking, but this is true) The Devil’s Anus.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still go see it. I’ll buy a ticket and watch it and laugh at all the funny bits that are in the trailers out now. Maybe I’ll end up pleasantly surprised and it will end up fairly well balanced, all things considered. But right now, given what I’ve been seeing, I think it’s going to do some very, VERY unpopular things with the characters we adore, all for the sake of a quick laugh.

I’m probably overthinking this. This will likely also not be a popular opinion for some people - if only because I actually really like the the first two Thor movies for their setting, their Shakespeare-ish atmosphere that pairs really well to Asgard and the characters in general IMO. Maybe it’s the fact that we had the time and passion to really dig in and create some really fantastic character analyses that would have clashed with anything else. Either way, I think it will be a fun movie that crushes a lot of fan theories and images and characterizations, and will lead to an extreme degree of reimagining what the film could have done if you didn’t have to shoe-horn in so many other MCU people (*cough cough* Doctor Strange for one *hack wheeze*) - maybe even stripping it down to the core plot synopsis and building anew from there - or focused more on the characters and how they weave and play off of each other. That’s always been the strength of the Thor movies - how the characters interact, how they move and breath and fight in each other’s spaces. The story may not always be the greatest, but we watch for the characters anyway, and how they’ll build on each other and evolve next. (It’s why people love to pick apart and look at the characters in Captain America Civil War, but if we’re completely honest, the majority of the plot is a swiss cheese mess of holes).

*looks up at wall of text* Goodness me, off I’ve gone again. Didn’t expect that, but here we are. If you chanced beyond the line hope you got something out of reading this bleh. I’m just here, venting at fictional characters.

[nux-morbid-art]

Ragnafuck was Good it was loud and colorful and fun and a good break from the dark n gritty realism that turned me off of previous comic book movies

Also I want the Valkyrie to punch me in the face

[mentallydatingahotcelebrity]

Just me out here channeling my inner Prince Caspian as the Loki credits roll for episode two

“No… This isn’t what I wanted”