#random made up creepy lady for plot convenience

[skyward-floored]

Whumptober day 25 — “You better start talking”

Sharp swerve from yesterday, we’re back to the pain everybody :)

sorry twi

Warnings: injury, little blood, torture sort of? some sort of nonconsensual touching (nothing inappropriate)

Ao3 link

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Twilight awoke in a cell.

Which he probably should have been more concerned about, but this specific situation had happened to him enough that after the initial second or two of panic, he merely sighed, and began twiddling with the ropes tying him to the chair he was seated in.

At least he wasn’t a wolf.

He strained his wrists, trying to break the ropes with sheer force, but the ropes were thick, and knotted rather tight. He couldn’t shift his wrists barely at all, and they already felt a bit raw. Whoever had tied him up had done a good job of it.

Maybe he could move the chair? It was a heavy one, uncomfortable thick wood that he had a feeling would be difficult to drag with his hands and ankles tied, but he had to try something.

He’d just started to pull at it when the door handle rattled.

Twilight froze, and settled back down as if he hadn’t just been planning his imminent escape. The door creaked open, and a woman strode in, a large bodyguard-looking man staying in the doorway.

“Oh good, you’re awake. Now we can get started!” she smiled, and the look of it sent nothing but dread up Twilight’s spine. Smiles like that never boded well for anything.

The woman strode up to him, her dark robes swishing, and stared at him, raking her eyes across him in a way that had Twilight bristling. Her gaze paused on his forehead, and she hummed, tapping a finger to her chin.

“I’m going to ask you a couple of questions, and you’re going to answer them, alright?” she said with a smile. “As long as you answer truthfully, no harm will come to you.”

Twilight barely held in a sigh and inwardly braced himself. There was no way he was getting out of this without at least a couple bruises.

The woman strode up even closer to him then, and took his chin in her hand, giving him an intent look. She brushed a thumb over the marks near his eyes, and Twilight couldn’t help his sharp flinch.

“These marks on your face,” she said curiously, tilting his head to the side, “they’re from dark magic.”

“It’s not dark magic,” Twilight growled.

The woman smiled, pulling him closer. “He does speak! Well then, care to let me in on the secret of what kind of magic it is then?”

Twilight went silent once again.

The woman tittered out a laugh and gripped his chin a bit more tightly, forcing him to look her in the eyes.

“Perhaps you don’t realize who I am. I’m a... scientist of sorts. A collector, if you will, of unusual magic,” she said lightly, but there was a dark edge to her voice. “I run experiments on magic used by those such as yourself, and I’m in need of information on this.”

And she held up Twilight’s shadow crystal, dangling it in front of his face.

Twilight’s eyes widened, then narrowed, and he watched in silence as she ran a slow finger along the crystal, the curse seemingly ineffective against her.

Who was this woman?

“Now then. You better start talking,” she smiled, and the expression she made was somehow more terrifying then most of the monsters Twilight had fought for most of his career. But he kept his mouth shut, turning his head away and refusing to meet her eyes.

Her hand suddenly settled on his shoulder, his pelt and outer layers gone, so he could feel her nails press into his skin a bit when she tightened her grip.

“I asked you a question.”

Twilight closed his eyes and kept his mouth firmly shut.

A hand hit him square on the cheek, making him reel as his head was snapped to the side. He blinked open his eyes in surprise, and the woman stood in front of him with her face narrowed and cold.

“Tell me what sort of magic this is. It’s fascinating; dark magic yet not, a curse worn as a necklace as though it were a tool, you’re covered in its essence. I’ve never seen anything quite like it.”

She grabbed his chin again, staring at his face with eager eyes. “Or you.”

“I’m spoken for,” he said shortly, and the woman raised an eyebrow at the fact that he’d spoken again.

“Is that so? Well then you have quite a bit to lose if you don’t tell me what sort of magic it is you possess,” she said in a low voice, and Twilight closed his mouth again.

The woman’s eye twitched, and she motioned the man in the doorway forward.

“Tell me what you know,” she asked yet again, “or you’ll regret it.”

Twilight almost snorted. You’ll regret it? Oh brother, somebody needed to teach this woman some better threats—

Pain slammed into his stomach and he let out a surprised cough, the bodyguard’s fist having socked him right in the gut. He’d knocked the breath right out of him, and Twilight wheezed, trying to suck in some air.

The woman grabbed his chin again and pulled his face up to hers, staring at him coldly.

Her fingernails were biting into his skin, and he let out a quiet hiss of pain as she tightened her grip, feeling blood bead on his chin. She abruptly raked her fingernails across his jaw, and Twilight flinched.

“Tell me what you know,” she snapped, blood on her nails.

Twilight ignored the stinging on his jaw and the fact that breathing was still a bit tricky, and glared at her, refusing to say a word.

She let out an annoyed growl and motioned her bodyguard forwards again, who slammed the chair Twilight was on backwards onto the floor. He winced as it jarred him, then grunted as the man kicked him in ribs.

Due to the ropes he couldn’t even curl around and protect his head or any other of his more vulnerable parts, only lie there and try not to cry out as more and more hits landed all over him. By the time the man finally stopped, every bit of Twilight was sore and tender, and he winced as the woman kneeled down next to him and grabbed his face yet again.

“Still won’t talk?” she asked mildly, and Twilight bared his teeth at her.

She huffed and pulled something out from under her robes, a long, slender rod of sorts, with swirling crimson designs on the tip.

“This is a magic rod of my own creation,” she hummed, turning it so Twilight could see better. “I haven’t had the opportunity to test it out yet. It’s use is fairly simple: it takes any pain the recipient is suffering from and multiplies it by about... mm, ten I’d say.”

She rested the cold metal under Twilight’s chin, and he froze, unable to keep himself from nervously swallowing.

“One last time. Tell me about your magic.”

Twilight breathed in a steadying breath.

He couldn’t tell her what the shadow crystal was, what sort of magic it was made of. Who knew what she would do with it if she knew exactly how powerful it was? He had to protect Hyrule from this insane witch, and he was willing to do whatever it took to do so.

“Never,” Twilight spat.

And his entire body suddenly lit up with pain.

The stinging scratches on his chin turned into pure agony, clawing gashes of white-hot fire. The countless painful bruises on his person were multiplied, nearly every inch of him radiating pain, and one particularly bad spot where he had wondered if the bodyguard might have cracked a rib turned to an agony so intense Twilight nearly blacked out as he screamed.

It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds before it stopped, but it felt like ages before the metal was removed from his chin and the pain died back down.

Twilight went limp, breathing in short gasps as he tried to get ahold of himself, and shuddered when a hand caressed his cheek.

“Impressive. Most men would be nothing more than a sobbing mess by now,” the woman hummed, then idly traced the marks on his forehead. “We’re done here. If you aren’t willing to talk, perhaps one of your friends are.“

Twilight felt his blood freeze.

He’d thought he was the only one here. How many of the other heroes did she have? Was she doing the same to them? Trying to figure out their various magical abilities and artifacts? He could only hope she didn’t have them all, and pray she hadn’t gotten ahold of their more magical members like Time, or spirits forbid Hyrule—

“Don’t you dare lay a hand on them,” he gasped out, and the woman smiled.

“I won’t. So long as you answer my questions.”

“No,” Twilight spat, and ignoring how much everything hurt, pulled at his bonds again.

He had to protect the kingdom from this insane witch, but he also couldn’t allow her to hurt any of the others. He refused.

“They don’t know anything, you won’t get any information out of them,” he panted, breathing still a bit difficult. “It’s pointless to ask them about it.”

The woman continued to smile, and stood up, dropping his chin.

“Well then,” she said, voice gaining a thrum of excitement. “If you won’t tell me what your magic does, and nobody else knows, I’ll just have to find out for myself. Your friends will be helpful I’m sure.”

“No,” Twilight gasped out again, weakly struggling. Pure protective rage for the others swept through him, and he gained back a tiny measure of strength, thrashing in his bonds. The woman merely watched him, looking almost amused at his weak attempts.

Her smile grew as she left the room, sending a shudder up his spine.

“They’ll make excellent test subjects.”

[laufire]

Supernatural s1

my dash: decries Supernatural every five posts.

me: time to watch it seriously for the first time in my life.

-First thing first: it’s an amazingly well-crafted season of tv. I’m a character-focused watcher, not a plot-focused one; I never connected emotionally to the Winchesters (still haven’t and likely never will, as interesting I might find them as character constructs), so I feared I’d be bored and would want to skip scenes. Nuh huh. I was many things, but none of them were bored xDD. Each episode was a lesson in good pacing and the entire season another in proper build-up. There are one or two or a few dozen tv-writers I would like to show it to, ngl.

-Another thing it excelled at was in its portrayal in abusive family dynamics. The way Dean went mellow and so unlike himself when John gave an order (and what a SHOCK it is in the later episodes when he finally stands up to him!!). How Sam said HE would apologize to his father when they saw each other again, or how he made apologies for his father because “it could have been worse” (at least John didn’t beat them up, like it happened to that poor kid!). John showing Sam more “““respect””” (as far as he’s able at least) simply because Sam already proved he’s capable of leaving him; the way John controls the information he gives them and when and how and how much and how small they feel when they reunite with him. Dean knowing his father had been possessed by a demon because it wasn’t reprimanding him and belittling him. Dean’s psychic shapeshifter (?) expressing his resentment towards Sam for getting to escape. Dean’s quickness to resort to violence when Sam says something that makes him angry, or how he tries to severe ties between Sam and his college friends, or how he guilt trips him when Sam says he plans on returning to his studies, or how he minimizes Sam’s experiences with John or how Sam criticizes Dean’s compliance... (I don’t think Dean’s being consciously manipulative. I think it’s intuitive. Which is far, far scarier. He’s the Elena Gilbert of Supernatural and a walking red flag for controlling behavior). How it’s paired with ~honeymoon periods. The way they use the families around them to highlight their issues. It’s... chilling and terrifying and I can’t look away. I won’t get into the shit John pulls in 2x01 because that’s for the s2 POV, but oh my god I’m so happy he’s dead.

I wasn’t all that sure of how self-aware the creators were about this trend (especially because of how centralized and validated Dean’s POV is in his conflicts with Sam IMO. OTOH... characters like Dean and actors like Ackles are the type to take over a show by charisma alone tbf. The way he swoops in in the pilot and starts disrupting everything, including Sam’s relationship, reminding me of both Angel in BTVS and Chuck in Gossip Girl, Doylist-wise. This comparison is going to make sense to like three people I talk with regularly xDD). At least on early seasons, since certain spoilers about the later ones make me think it grew over time. I’m still unsure but I think they are a little self-aware because of this quote:

Eric Kripke said of Buffy: “I loved ‘Hush’ and ‘Once More, With Feeling,’ but overall, Buffy really taught me about effectively using metaphor in genre. For Buffy, it was ‘high school is hell (literally),’ and Joss Whedon did such a masterful job of grounding his horror and fantasy concepts in this notion, and ultimately telling allegories about high school, which turned what could’ve been B-Movie material into an all-time classic. I used that same philosophy on my run of Supernatural, with the mantra ‘family is hell (literally),’ and always grounded my horror episodes around the notion of families, to the show’s benefit. So thanks, Joss Whedon. I owe you a beer. (Credit: The WB)

everyone wants to be Buffy lol.

-My absolute favourite thing was how competent the Winchesters are (I’m even reluctantly including John here. That bastard). They’re sneaky with local authorities, crafty about fake IDs, credit scams, research abilities, DIY supernatural detectors xDD... I loved the lack of an audience proxy, the fact that the story throws you into the deep end with people that already know their shit. And that the other side is competent too, like when Meg & YED’s plan to trap John relied on the Winchester being competent; on Sam immediately going into the defensive because, what are the chances of finding that cute weird girl a second time, miles away?; on John suspecting it was a trap and only revealing himself after Meg appears to be dead... Another scene that I loved in that sense, from 2x01 (I watched until 2x03, I wanted to see Sterling K. Brown’s first appearance lol) was how upon discovering Reapers are shapeshifters, Dean immediately knew that cute ghost he’d befriended was the one after him. I get the feeling this aspect will get lost in future season and it’s a pity, tbh.

-Related to that, some of my favourite moments: Sam straight up bribing a guy to get into the morgue when Dean’s arguments are failing (with Dean’s money!); Dean’s plan of “well, if this guy is haunting the house and there’s no other way to kill him, we burn the house. No house no haunting”; Dean telling that kid to fake appendicitis to get his parents out of the house; John blessing the tank of water knowing he’s walking into a trap with demons... I dig this stuff.

-I get whiplash sometimes, with the show making a point of (very briefly) telling you racism, homophobia or pro-life attitudes are Bad(TM) and the brothers are Against them (the Racist Truck episode, the one where a woman used a Reaper to exchange “virtuous” lives for those of sinners...), when the rest of the show is err... what it is lol. Dean is toxic masculinity’s poster boy (I was so disgusted by how he acted with Jess omfg), in s2 we don’t get the monsters’ perspective on hunters until we’ve conveniently met our first black one (I love the episode AND the character but it’s fucking true)...

-I need to make a note of paying attention to the writers credits/Bts stuff because I find this show’s progression fascinating on a metatextual level. The only problem is that audience reaction seems to have played a big role (which is a problem on one or two different levels imo xD), and tracking that down is sliiiiightly more difficult lol. Oh well (I don’t even think I want to see too much of this fandom, even to satisfy my curiosity. Some of the glimpses I’ve caught of it are disturbing to the extreme).

-The detail about dead people’s blood being toxic to vampires is SO COOL OMG. I’m tempted to steal it xD

Some random stuff:

-The monsters of the week were some legit creepy stuff.

-I love that Meg has her own hellhounds. Is that still a thing when she returns?

-Dean: you and dad are reckless and I’m going to have to be the one that buries you. / Me, with the power of foresight: 👀

-Also Dean: sometimes it scares me how good I am at killing. / Me: it scares the shit out of me how good you are at killing, too, fam.

-I get the impression Sam loses his demonic-in-origin powers later on, right? What a waste, I love those.

-I’m pretty sure at one point it’s implied John used Dean to honeytrap monsters (when he sends him as a trap for the lady vampire that stole the Colt) and I really don’t know what to do with this information.

-Cassie was GORGEOUS and even make Dean likeable for me while they lasted xDD. But given this show’s track record I’m considering the lack of more appearances a blessing.

-So many guest stars. Everyone’s been on SPN. Especially if they were on the Buffyverse first (I totally get the impulse of casting Buffy actor after Buffy actor lmfao).

-Funny how Luther Hargreeves is exactly who a lot of fans think Dean was (Dean is far, far colder imo), and yet one is constantly called pathetic and evil and the other woobified. Very Funny Indeed *coughs* (funnier still that the character I often see Dean compared to is Wynonna Earp when the parallels are kids-pool deep at best and offensive at worst. Dean is not a Wynonna. Again, Dean is an Elena Gilbert xDD).

-The two paranormal investigators were dumb as rocks, but their motto was “What Would Buffy Do” so I like them (if they ever change that to What Would the Winchesters Do or something like that I’m going to be furious lmao).

-When I want to ~chill I dress about exactly like Dean (minus the flannel I’ve seen in later seasons, you can’t pay me to wear flannel). Like, I think I have a couple of shirts that look exactly like ones of his. I don’t know how I feel about this xDD

-IDK how I’ll feel about Bobby later on (I get the impression every long-term character on this show has their hateful phases xD), but in his introduction he said the last time he saw John he threatened to shoot him (“he causes that reaction in people”), so he’s so far the most relatable character around lol.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 409

This episode did so many things right! And it did so many things in ways that made me ragey with how easily things could have been done right if they just admitted this part of the book is trash!

Dive under the cut if you want, but no one’s making you so don’t @ me if you don’t agree...

They Sansa Stark’ed Bree when she was being raped and now they’re Sansa Stark’ing her in the aftermath. This isn’t about fucking Lizzie, show. This never should have even happened but now we’re stuck accepting the shit choice you made.

Yes, Lizzie causes a fucking dumb af thing later. But right now it looks like they’re making the aftermath of Bree’s rape about someone else.

Seriously, this is not a good show.

But props where they’re due, Sophie has gotten significantly better at acting this season. And last week and this week she’s actually been good enough to not take me out of the scene when I’m watching. So yay for that?

Oh fuck off, Roger. You’re still the worst. But this show appears to not care that you’re the worst and wants us to ship you with Bree. Which makes me side-eye the fuck out of the writers. Because wtaf.

This show gives me whiplash. Like are we supposed to watch the current episode (whatever the current one is) through the lens of whatever the last episode was? Or are we supposed to throw out whatever happened in the last episode and just take the current one at face value? Because those two things are usually not compatible.

Guys I swear I liked some parts of this episode, but Outlander is such a shit show/shitshow at this point that it’s basically impossible to come away with an overall positive feeling. At least for me.

Oh, Lizzie’s been ill? Does Lizzie have malaria? Because clearly it’s important to shoehorn in book nonsense when it doesn’t make sense and isn’t shown in the show. FFS.

Someone hire a new showrunner. For the love of fuck.

Anyone else hoping Roger is never heard from again after he sails off with the Gloriana? No? Just me? Fuck this show for assuming we’ll ship a toxic couple just because it’s book canon. 

Book!Roger is mostly crap too, tbh.

Literalol at Bree being like oh, some rando lady cut into a dude in a theater? Yep, that’s my mom.

Did we really have to have Jamie peeing? Fucking really? Le sigh.

It’s Matt fucking I-Love-The-Books-Even-Though-They-Are-Mostly-Shit-Praise-Me-For-My-Copy-And-Paste-Skills Roberts. Of Course this is verbatim from the books. Ugh.

“I hadna though of you as grown, except I literally had photos of you looking exactly like you do now. So I know exactly what you look like.”

Jamie has seen Bree’s fucking picture as an adult. And with Claire, Murtagh, Lord John, Willie and even fucking Geillis having come back into his life unexpectedly, it makes no sense that he wouldn’t recognize her. 

I hate that this is straight from the book.

It’s well acted and shit, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.

Everything after him not recognizing her is great though. Basically I’m here for the hug.

Balfe and Skelton own this episode.

Jamie being personally offended by the printer’s shoddy work on their obituary gives me life. 

Oh, apparently they have settlers on the Ridge now? Cool. Cool cool cool.

Young Ian being like “yeah, I’m used to your absurdity, Auntie Claire” is my everything.

I really want him and Bree to bond. But not have him do the creepy proposal thing. Please cut that, show.

Claire is like “are you fucking kidding me, Roger bounced after one fight?!”

Claire knowing Roger is a twat makes me hope she’s the one who rips him a new one when they eventually get him back, tbh. Because yeah, Roger is a fucking asshat.

Own that you fucked up and stay to make it right, fuckwad. Don’t...be you, apparently.

Fuck them for making Bree go through an unnecessary rape and fuck them for making her feel extra awful because Claire has already replaced the ring she was raped over.

I know I have to accept that they’re following the book but ffs, the show we could have had would have been so much more interesting than the show we’re getting.

“Because the books” is literally my least favorite reason for the show doing anything. If it’s in the book and it’s included in the show, it should be because it’s a good story, not “because it’s in the book.”

These scenes with Jamie and Claire make me miss Jamie and Claire. They’ve been reduced to like a fraction of what they were this season, and as much as I love the cutesy shit, I miss the passionate Frasers I fell in love with.

That being said, I 100% would totes watch a webseries about the Frasers’ annual Fire Day Funtimes. But for real, the fire is in January? Frasers. Just throw out your tree the day after Christmas instead of keeping it too long so it gets all dried out and burns your house down.

“Look at our beautiful green screen, daughter!” “I love this green screen! It’s a green screen I could only imagine from my history books!”

Claire saying Jamie is used to random references about the future when Bree feels bad about her Daniel Boone tangent is my everything.

“WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?” Y’ALL I LOVE THIS LINE SO FUCKING MUCH. BREE HAS FAMILY WHO LOVE HER EVEN THOUGH THEY’VE NEVER MET HER AND THEY’RE NOT GOING TO USE HER AS A PAWN TO HURT ANYONE ELSE AND I REALLY HOPE AT SOME POINT WE GET MORE BREE AND MURTAGH.

MURTAGH BEING A PROUD PAPA BEAR ABOUT BREE IS MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD.

The scene at dinner is all I ever wanted. Fuck plot sometimes. This scene of a fucking family eating together and telling embarrassing yet endearing stories is fucking perfection. I mean, sure Dougal’s family is a convenient plot device, but whatever. I AM HERE FOR MURTZ TELLING EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT JAMIE, AND BREE AND YOUNG IAN LOL’ING ABOUT IT AND CLAIRE BEING LIKE O RLY YOU COUSIN KISSER YOU.

I need Bree to meet Fergus and Marsali. Fergus is the OG Fraser kid and knows what it’s like to have parents who aren’t biologically his but are 100% loving regardless. And has seen Jamie and Claire at their best and at their worst and is literally an amazing character witness who can tell Bree what’s up. And Marsali is not just another young mother who can relate on that level, but also has seen a bad marriage and can empathize with Bree’s childhood. Like Marsali saw Jamie in a shitty marriage where he tried his hardest and failed to make Laoghaire happy. And Bree saw Claire try to do the same with Fred. And Marsali was hesitant with Claire at first because she loves her mom even though her mom is a crazy bitch. And Bree is hesitant with Jamie even though she should def realize by now that Fred was straight up abusive trash.

I just need Bree and Fergus and Marsali to meet and bond, ok. 

I was 100% expecting someone to make a future reference as soon as Young Ian left and I thought it would be Murtz but yay that it’s Claire historically fangirling.

But ugh, fuck the writers for including Bree’s rape. Red flags for days that she isn’t fangirling over G-Dub.

Lizzie has malaria because “the book” but they don’t ever actually show her being sick. Because it’s not actually important to the story. Fuck them for always including extraneous shit like this when it doesn’t matter with the story they’re telling.

“Daddy knew. That you came back. I saw the obituary on his desk years ago. I didn’t realize what it was at the time, but...I remembered it recently when I found it again myself. He knew you came back to Jamie. But I still went to his grave and said he was my hero. Even though I rightfully kicked Roger to the curb for doing the same thing. Because it’s impossible for the writers of this show to admit that Fred is trash.”

ETA -- An anon pointed out that she said that at what was probs Frank’s funeral since the grave was fresh and didn’t know anything about time travel yet. But still. I stand by what I said after that episode aired, that line was dumb for other reasons too.

Seriously though, Bree ditches Roger for not telling her about Claire dying in the past, but Frank, who knew about it and chose to not tell Claire about it, is her fucking hero? Fuck all the way off, show. Like seriously, she’s telling fucking Claire that Fred knew like it’s not the same fucking reason why she sent Fred Jr packing. I cannot even.

Bree better fucking get there eventually. Because holy shit the fact that she doesn’t get how awful Frank is at this point makes me want to hate her. 

It’s ok to think a parent is trash, Bree. You owe them fucking nothing. And if they try to make you feel like you do, that’s just more proof that they’re garbage.

And don’t @ me with shit about how he was always nice to her so she didn’t notice. You fucking notice when someone in your life is shit to someone else in your life even if they’re nice to you. You fucking notice.

And if somehow you don’t notice and someone else says they were epically shitty to them, guess what, you should believe that person. Because no one makes this shit up for lols. Standing by shitty people just because they weren’t shitty to you specifically makes you a shitty person.

Ugh. I hate this show and the people who make it sometimes.

Claire’s face when she realizes that not only did Frank emotionally abuse her and use Bree as a weapon against her for 20 years, but also *knew* that she would go back to the past and die and didn’t tell her is fucking heartbreaking.

“Frank was an astute man.” Interesting way to say “Frank was an abusive piece of shit.”

I get that she’s still trying to protect Bree from the truth about Freddy boy, but there comes a point where my girl deserves to speak her fucking truth and let her loved ones know the pain she went through.

“I can see why you had to come back to Jamie.” Really. Can you. Because if you still have Frank up on a pedestal as your hero, I really don’t think you actually get it yet. Don’t make me go back to hating you, Bree. Wake the fuck up, you’re smarter than this.

Seriously, each and every person on this show who has ever done press where they’ve claimed that Frank is a “good” man deserves to be slapped upside the head. He is awful. He is fucking absolutely, irredeemably awful. And anyone who claims he’s a good guy or that his relationship with Claire is #goals is a misogynist piece of shit.

For real, shitty choices by the writers room aside, Balfe and Skelton are so fucking good in this episode.

I’m calling bullshit that Bonnet would give Roger gemstones just because he asked. But I also don’t give a fuck about anything to do with this part of Roger’s story soooo... Moving on.

Montage!

Subtlety has never been this show’s strong suit but jfc, they’re so fucking heavy-handed with the “they’re something up with Bree” stuff this episode.

Jamie being so open about talking about Frank and letting Bree know he knows about him does so much to set him apart from the piece of shit who raised Bree. Jamie is flawed af, but he doesn’t force people to hide half of Bree’s life from her. He’s open about her truth and that’s more than Fred ever fucking did for her.

Y’all the scene with Bree, Young Ian, Murtz and Jamie at the still is fucking adorable. But only because she eventually finds out the truth about her nickname. Just tell her things in a joking manner, y’all. Bond! Be a fam!

Also the line about people calling Young Ian “Young Ian” is kinda the on the nose shit I don’t like but it’s not as egregious as the other times they’ve done it so I guess I’ll let this one slide.

Claire, same girl, we all want them to stop tiptoeing around, talking about Fred. Fred was the worst and Fred is dead. Acknowledge Fred and then fucking move on already.

Jamie looking at his sleeping kiddo makes me feel feelings.

Ok Jamie taking Bree hunting for bees is kind of my fave for so many reasons. When he takes Willie hunting, they hunt a stag. Jamie knows that Bree knows how to shoot because Frank taught her, but instead of taking her to hunt game they’d have to shoot, he takes her hunting bees. So it’s different than what she had with Frank. Because he’s actively trying to not replace the father she grew up with and clearly though undeservedly loves.

Jamie is flawed but 1000x the better man.

Don’t @ me that Fred taught her to shoot in case she went back to the past. He literally didn’t tell Claire she was going to die. He left Claire to tell Bree the truth once he died. He was a shitty, shitty, petty man.

They’re really getting their money’s worth out of that fucking eagle stock shot.

Seriously though, they should have moved the production to North Carolina.

The metaphor about the bees losing one home without any say-so to then become content where they end up is tough. Because yes, it’s what Claire did. And she thrived. But at this point for Bree, she’s not 100% open to making her new situation permanent. So she hears this and is like “ugh I guess I could make do” whereas Jamie is like “you’re so welcome here and you’ll come to love it like we love you.” And it lowkey makes me want to hug them both. Because omfg how could you not want to just hug the shit out of them in this situation. He so wants to be close to the only biological child he can acknowledge and she is so hesitant to open up to the father who gave up everything he cared about for her but who she doesn’t know from Adam. I JUST CAN’T WAIT FOR THEM TO ACTUALLY BOND A LOT NEXT SEASON.

Ok but for real, if I have to hear one more speech about how Fred is a good guy I’m gonna vomit. Jamie is giving this speech because he doesn’t fully know what Claire went through. Because last season and this season the show has never let Claire actually talk to Jamie about what it was like for her with Frank. (Also the show refuses to admit that they portrayed him as an abusive piece of shit... Which is its own problem.) There’s a passage in Drums where Claire finally makes it clear to Jamie how it was for her and I’m hoping they fucking include it because dammit, Jamie needs to know and Claire needs to say it.

WHEN JAMIE HUGS BREE AND SAYS SHE CAN CALL HIM DA AND SHE CALLS HIM DA I HAVE SO MANY FEEEEEEELINGGGGGGSSSS.

ONE OF JAMIE’S KIDDOS CALLS HIM DAAAAAAAAAA.

“She called me Da.” Y’all it was the first time any of Jamie’s kids have called him that. Fergus calls him Milord. Faith died. He never got to meet Bree as a child. He couldn’t acknowledge Willie. Marsali and Joanie call him daddy like fucking creepy weirdos. Young Ian is like a son but calls him Uncle Jamie, because that’s who he is. BUT NO ONE HAS EVER CALLED HIM DA BEFORE AND I AM SO FULL OF FEELS.

Ok the forehead snuggles are great but again, as the season goes on I really miss the passionate Frasers. Not because I want the smut. I can get smut anywhere. It’s just that their relationship is becoming so one-note and I want it to go back to being dynamic like it used to be.

Omfg I cannot with how on the nose Bree looking at the mama bird and the baby birds is. Try harder, show.

All this bullshit with Fred trying to keep the rift between Claire and her daughter like an asshole and Claire can still guess exactly what’s wrong with Bree after years apart because CLAIRE MOTHERFUCKING BEAUCHAMP IS A GOOD GODDAMN MOTHER WHO LOVES HER CHILD MORE THAN ANYTHING. I WILL FIGHT YOU ON THIS.

Claire’s face in this whole scene though. *throws awards at Balfe*

I can’t get over the what could have beens. This scene is so well acted, but I can’t stop thinking of how unnecessary the rape plotline is.

Literally half of my struggle with this show is trying to ignore all of the squandered potential and the other half of the struggle is trying to keep straight what I’m supposed to consider canon at any given moment. Is it current show canon? Past episode canon? What the writers think they’re showing even though they’re actually showing something else? Backfilled book canon? *drinks heavily*

What Bree goes through is fucking awful, but Claire feeling crushed that she wasn’t able to protect her baby is also heartbreaking. Not at the same level, by any means. But it’s still fucking a gut punch.

Oh hey, someone finally said the word rape. Fucking finally. I know that it was the characters trying to make things less awkward or painful as they talked about it before, but it also felt (to me) like the writers trying to skirt around the fact that they chose rape another character for no good reason. Glad they finally said it like it fucking is. Also, again, because I can’t say it enough, fuck them for not adapting this story line. 

Rogergate is so fucking dumb I cannot.

I can’t believe they’re committing to this shit.

Can someone please put Matt in timeout and give the show to someone else for a while.

Oh hey, Claire found her old ring! The ring that doesn’t even matter anymore. Because Matt and Maril had a boner for the book ring.

Have I mentioned I don’t like their choices recently?

Ok, fucking Lizzie says she saw this shit. And Jamie’s first instinct is to fucking go berserk and keep shit from Bree and Claire. You really are going to trust a fucking rando maid without talking to Claire and Bree?! Of course.

Ain’t toxic masculinity grand.

Fucking I hate that Claire nods that she’ll keep the Bonnet detail from Jamie. No. Fuck that noise. Don’t fucking spare his fucking feelings. You fucking communicate. That’s how you live as a strong couple. Fucking communicate.

GAH.

Fuck them for now making Ian be the one who sends him into slavery. 

Jamie isn’t off the hook by any stretch. Fuck that guy. Literally just going off on a dude because a fucking maid thinks she knows what’s up. I’m just saying I’m now thinking that the show’s gonna play it like it was Young Ian’s fault and he chooses to stay because he thinks it’s on him.

Can’t have our romantic lead send a guy into slavery, no one will like that. Better have the nephew we’ve had borderline fetishizing the Cherokee all season do it.

And in the process make the Cherokee/Mohawk the “bad guys.” Not the jump-to-conclusions-colonizers.

I hate Rogergate so fucking much.

Also how the fuck in the two months that Bree has been with them has she never once described what Roger looks like. Literally when anyone first starts dating someone, the first question anyone asks from like the beginning of time until now is “what’s he like and what does he look like.”

Ughhh.

*is wistful af about the angst and drama-filled less problematic show we could have gotten if the writers had the balls to admit that the back half of Drums is bad*

[ooc-but-stylish]

iprinny

 “There’s a lot that gets me about the love story in FFXV and how it…”

Im super curious to know what your thoughts are on that absurdity with prompto’s “dramatic reveal” in chapter 13

Hoo boy. My opinion about the “dramatic reveal” is pretty much my opinion on the whole game, which is 

“Good plot, terrible execution”

Prompto was an MT? Neat. However,

it should have happened earlier

it should’ve been resolved earlier

it should have had a bit more foreshadowing if it was going to be dragged out to Chapter 13 of all things. 

With regards to the actual scene, my first impressions were “Damn, Prompto looks good for a guy that fell off a moving train and got tortured!” then “Oh, oh shit, this is the twist– Prompto’s gonna strangle the shit out of Noct, isn’t he? He’s right there–” and finally “…. Oh.”

The game has Prompto like “Oh, I’ve been tortured for a while in this dungeon, also I wanna tell you guys I’m a Nif/MT”(1) and the bros are like “Ok so? That doesn’t change anything. We still care about you.” which matches more the reaction parents should have when their kid comes out of the closet than anything else. One of their own revealed themselves to be part of the same army that, like, has been attacking them relentlessly on the World Map every 15 minutes ( and interrupting the important dialogue we’ll never hear again ). You know the reaction Wakka had about Rikku being Al Bhed? Yeah. I was expecting that, most likely from Gladio. But they’ve known each other since they were kids, more or less, and those of us who have played the game, regardless of whether we did or didn’t see Brotherhood or the extra media, have likely already seen proof of their unwavering friendship toward each other even in portions of the game where it wouldn’t even make much sense for them all to still be cool.(2) So this… is a waste. It reinforced what we already knew. It served no purpose except to reveal a plot-convenient serial code on his wrist to help them escape, and it raised more questions. 

MTs are made from daemons made from Starscourged humans, and Niflheim would need a lot of humans, so they started making clones and infecting them. Prompto is supposedly one of them, but escaped when he was super young and adopted into the Argentum family. Okay, so who got him out of that lab? Why did he still have “no parents” in Brotherhood? Who were his parents? Were they natives to Insomnia? How did he get a nice place to live in and not end up in the outskirts/slum parts of Lucis on account of his being a foreigner? If he got a serial code imprinted when he was a baby, wouldn’t it have deformed as he grew up? How did it maintain its shape? Was the barcode the same size throughout his life? Why isn’t he wearing light-resistant armor, like the other MTs? This is stuff we’d have to read the Wiki or the strategy guide about, except I’m still asking these questions, so the answers exist nowhere. Even to this day. And people still have theories on whether the Naga in the beginning of the game ( the one that kidnapped Prompto and cried about her baby ) was actually Prompto’s mother. That’s fucked up storytelling, not because they did it on purpose, but because they didn’t.

The reveal happens and is resolved so quickly, no one has the time to process anything. A lot of this game is pretty much “Here’s this earth-shattering detail! Let us never speak of it again”. 

Like, yeah, Noct is broken up he attacked Prompto and knocked him off the train, but did he process the part where he said everything was Prom’s fault and demanding that Prom stop following him around? Right to his face?

Did no one stop to think that Ardyn being able to make himself look like another person means that there’s 0 chance any of them would know for certain that their allies were their allies? Wouldn’t they be in an intensely paranoid state, questioning each other on stuff the “real” them would know about? How do any of them know Ardyn isn’t still right there, hiding in plain sight?

Details that would have worked as foreshadowing for Prompto’s reveal, instead of Ardyn dropping eleventh hour infodumps on Niflheim’s army allowing for post-hoc bullshit:

The constant Magitek encounters come specifically from the Nifs geotracking Prompto’s barcode. The party actually brings up the frequency of these attacks, but Prompto is hesitant to say anything.

None of the Magiteks attack Prompto, focusing on the other three in the party instead of “one of their own”. Possibly dumb luck, and saves every gamer the trouble of Prompto always dying first somehow.

Increased frequency of goofy Ardyn selfies and creepy Prompto pictures on any day Ardyn is with the party.

Instead of Ardyn’s “stitch in time” thing that is never explained again, and Ardyn’s immortality just being the Astrals going “Ew, cooties” and banning him from the Beyond to inflict him on the living, have this: the way 'Ardyn’ appears and disappears is by body-hopping from one Starscourge-afflicted/daemonified person to another. Some individuals are more receptive to him than others based on how far along they are in their daemonification or MT experiments. So why was he on that train, in the place of Prompto? Because something inside Prompto allowed him to be there ( enough to alter his looks but not his speech patterns ). He could drop that particular bomb in Ch 12 before telling Noctis that Prompto is in Gralea.

Ardyn’s immortality comes from the fact that when he ‘dies’, he just manifests in the next likely person to host him or maybe someone of his choosing if he wants. That adds the drama of Ardyn not really ever being dead for good, and the possibility that he could take over Prompto in his next life if he felt like it. That’s a better justification for “You have to kill this dude, then kill yourself, then kill him again” than “Because the gods said so”.

TLDR the Prompto reveal sucked ass.

(1) Let me get this out: Fuck This Game. The localization sucks in its consistency by language. Bahamut is either the Draconian or the Aetherian. Ardyn could have either vaguely “known” Gentiana died, or personally had a hand in killing her. Izunia is either a relative of Ardyn, and Noctis’s ancestor, or is a completely random name Ardyn made up that he forgot the origins of. The Japanese version of the game, rather than hinting that Prompto is an MT, has sections where Ardyn instead taunts Noctis about “Did you know he’s originally from this city?”, and when Prompto reveals it to the group he says “I’m a person of Niflheim”. Even the JP VA confirmed it. So whether or not Prompto is even a Magitek is dependent on language of the game. I can understand that they were trying to go for, but they should have been consistent. Must have been something to do with the constant rewrites of the plot.

(2) Fuck This Game Part Duh: No, seriously. It tried to eat its cake and still have it, and I’ll tell you why. The game doesn’t actually give a shit about your choices. It wants its narrative both ways, telling us that Noctis in particular has certain “fixed” character traits but giving us a choice to make him another way in his dialogue options typical of Western RPGs which have “blank slate” characters. Using both methods and no lasting plot divergences to support those choices beyond the immediate cutscene makes it so that the dialogue options have no impact on the story or make sense, suggesting you play it “Square’s way” or else the game ignores your choices, which is fundamentally not how open world western RPGs work.

A playthrough in which Noctis acts like a total jerk to Prompto and dismissing him every chance he gets will still result in Prom wanting to hear from Noct that he cared about his well being, as well as Prom expressing sadness that Noct will die. 

A playthrough where Noctis puts only platonic or indifferent notes into the book he sends to Luna will still result in the scenes in Chapter 9 where he sheds a tear at her speech, laments that he wanted to save her, and then is quiet rather than impassioned and vengeful, even though he summoned Ramuh and busted a base to rescue the Regalia and to get revenge for Jared of all people.

A playthrough where the Altissian woman interrogates Noctis and Noctis answers by straight-up fucking metagaming and showing more understanding of the lore of the story than he’s ever been told and treating her with respect should count as “gaining her implicit trust”, but we still see a scene where Luna is sitting in the chair across from the Altissian woman and Imperial forces come in and surround Luna anyway, meaning the Altissian lady sold them out.

A playthrough where Noctis only ever responds maturely to Gladio, and his conversations with others have the options for him to act like a leader and the King he’s meant to be, will still result in Gladio chewing him out unnecessarily while the game clunkily tells us Noctis “is a spoiled brat/selfish”, “is being immature” and was “moping for weeks” about Luna even though we just saw her death five minutes ago and Noctis is shown to be quiet but otherwise not stalling the quest in any way. We didn’t even see a funeral, or excessive crying or outbursts, or Noctis demanding that everyone focus on his pain and staying in Altissia locked in a hotel room. He’s just quiet on a train. 

Chapter 13 of the game is especially awful, when both it and Ardyn insist that Noct is supposed to be some scared, frightened puppy without his weapons when he’s wielding the most canonically powerful item in the game, casually ripping gashes in reality and insta-killing a fortress full of daemons with an anti-daemon ring, and the player is able to ignore most (if not all) stealth mechanics and blitz through that chapter with no penalty.

For those that did the side quests throughout the game, the only trait from gameplay that sticks in the narrative is that Noctis is a passive entity. He’s told to do something, he just does it. Otherwise, no matter what, even if you played the game and had Noctis act like a rude shit and played as if none of the Bros were his Bros, they’re still going to be Bros. They’re still going to care about him, including Prompto. Especially Prompto.

[jadedamber]

The Snow White and the Huntsman

Today was a bear, I just got home, so I'm going to try and cheer up by watching Snow White and The Huntsman and writing down my reactions. And then posting it. Disclaimer: I'm not trying to piss on any actors or actresses, nor infringe on anyone's fandom. Pls take any and all hating elsewhere. Thx. Also, I'll try not to spoil major plot points but obvy if you don't want any spoilers, probably stop reading now. Let's do this then. Princess bby, your mom is not feeling well, the last thing she needs is an unsanitary bird in her face. Whoah king bro! Dudeness. Chill with the nuptials. You literally just pulled this lady out of chains, do you really feel that this is a fair and unbiased situation for said lady? I'm so uncomfortable right now. Honestly am not blaming her for that, um, unconventional reaction. Aaaah, the queen reminds me of my current boss in the heebiest-jeebiest way! Snow White = Царевна Несмеяна apparently. That slide into the sewer is pretty badass though. Hellooo nurse, I mean horse. A random horse conveniently on the beach. Ok that was a one trick pony apparently. And now she's having a really bad trip, what even. The Queen's rant is so extra. Jesus lady, you gonna strangle herself with your weirdass headdress. The first look at our hero is, well, underwhelming. He got nothing to lose and … ooooooh what a thing to gain! Dudeness, don't fall for it! Necromancy never ends up well. Where does a simple huntsman learn to fight like that? Dude, no shit, did I not tell you not to trust the Queen? Princess bby, who taught you to bargain? You got it all backwards. If the guy's ok to do it for 30, don't offer a 100. I mean, that's basic math. It's Robin of Locksl… nevermind! False alarm. Oh, hello! Hi! ☺️ Haha! It's hilarious because she's royalty. And he does have a point. The king could not keep it in his pants, and now the whole economy is shit, the ecosystem is shit, there are ppl dead. Hello again, William. You have a hell of a way with job interviews. Ok, mr Scraggy Huntsman. That was a fucked up instruction, and the princess should really take it with a grain of salt. MACHETE!!! TROLL!!! When confronted with a terrifying hulking beast, my instinct, too, is to yell at him. Holy shit it worked!!!! 😲 I guess that's why I'm not royalty. River ninjas? "Are you bad guys?" "Us? No." "Ok then" "Why didn't you tell me you're a princess? I only bitched about your father ruining everything like half the time." Also, not to be judgy, but the river ninjas hairstyle makes no practical sense. FIRE!!!! How the fuck did they find them? Meanwhile in Queen's head… things just got darker. Damn lady. May I suggest therapy? DWARVES????? Really. Also, is it possible to get some kind of geopolitical map of the area? I'm very confused as to whose jurisdiction is where. Why are all the dwarves speaking with different accents? FAIRIES???? TURTLE!!! Argh! They are one tribe, why do they all have different accents?! No I can't let it go. Language is important to me. Really? Dancing? Hawkward. He feels lovely! Ok, now the princess has healing powers? What. CGI magpies! Argh! Creepy fairies! BUNNY! Gooooo towards the liiight! TURTLE! Oh deer. Is she… walking on water? Careful with the antlers. What. "She is life itself." Hashtag religion. Magic deer gets shot in the middle of blessing The One. We refused to ask for directions, and made the wrong turn into a Studio Ghibli movie. Hello William 😊 OMG dude!!!! How dare you bring up his wife, so uncalled for. Totally deserved the impalement. Oh, and now we get to feel sad for a bit because in this movie the good guys die too. Oh hello William! Hiii! Hello. Everyone in this movie is full of guilt over something. At least it's a theme. Themes are important. Also magpies are a theme?! For some reason? Holy shit the Queen. So extra. Where did they find the furs in the middle of wilderness? Like, has it been long enough for Eric to kill, skin, and cure some hides? Could we get a time frame on this? Oh hello two hot guys having a heartfelt conversation about the girl while watching her as she sleeps. SNOW??? Is that… is that supposed to be symbolic? "How do I inspire?" Lady, I'm also very interested in the answer to this question. WILLIAM??? The fuck is wrong with you, William! I did not see this coming. What did you do to William?!! BIRDS!!!! Aaaaaahhhhh!!!! William don't cry honey! Aw, Chris don't cry either! William pls don't kiss unconscious women. It's bad manners. BIRDS!!!! Aaaaahhhhh!!!! Omg that's so gross. The makeup/costume departments did so well. That geopolitical map would be very handy now pls. Why are we now in a castle keep? Whose castle is it? Chris, I mean Eric, where are you going with that speech. Eric honey. Heimlich! Not kissing. She's out cold. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT IS THIS SHIT. Will bb calm down. Grief has never made anyone see clearer. Princess. What are you even. We need strategy! Planning! Like maybe some… What are you saying. Ooooh another symbol "embers must turn to flame" like in the beginning of the movie when she literally did that while locked up. Eric dude why are you looking pleased as punch, they're about to go get slaughtered. I admire the actress who plays the queen. To keep a straight face throughout is quite impressive. OMG just literally realized/remembered it's Charlize Theron. Wow. Hello Chris I mean Eric. Dang that smile is devastating. Just use that as your weapon of mass seduct… I mean, you know, as a weapon. Certain demographics will be decimated. Go dwarves!!! FIREBALLS!!! Who even fights like that. Why is the castle deserted on the inside? The princess apparently had time for a sort of elaborate hair braiding but not for coming up with a plan to deal with the Queen's magic. Oh my God you guys. Holy fuck shard warriors. Queen bby, when I say you're on fire, I don't mean it metaphorically. Pls pay attention to your surroundings. KNIFE!!! What. Really. "You can't have my heart" No REALLY? We didn't get that through simply following the events that transpired. Thank you for the explanation. Happy ending! HI RIVER NINJAS! Hi dwarves! Oh hello William! Always a pleasure. GASP ERIC. You sure clean up well. Though you might've dressed up a bit for the occasion. TEXTURES!!! CREDITS!!! Those who managed to get this far, I thank you for following my journey. It's been real.

[bizarrebird]

As mentioned, I’m still on my Buffy kick, so I’m gonna continue with my live blogging. Fair warning, I may skip some episodes because they’re... not great or too Xander centric for my tastes. But I don’t think anyone’s gonna read these who isn’t familiar with the series so you probably know why I’m skipping the ones I am.

Anyway, onto Season 2, Episode 2: Some Assembly Required

First, I just wanna say, I’m really dumb cause I thought this was the episode where Spike and Dru show up and stuff gets good but SURPRISE THAT’S NOT TILL EPISODE THREE FFFFFFUUUUUUUU

So we start with Buffy in a graveyard (we start here a lot, idk if it’s the same graveyard all the shots here are so fucking dark you can’t tell what anyth) waiting for a new vamp to rise from his grave. Angel appears out of nowhere, startling her because, as Buffy points out, he never learned to approach people like a normal person. Angel makes a comment about how he expected Buffy to have Xander or someone with her.

And okay, there’s a lot to unpack in this conversation, the parts that happen before and after they get interrupted by random vampire of the week. Don’t wanna spend the whole liveblog on this, so I’m gonna bullet point the important things

Angel giving Buffy shit for dancing with Xander, but refusing to admit he’s jealous cause Angel is a tool (this is a recurring theme)

Buffy saying she just did it to make Angel jealous, probably cause he’s a tool and never wants to talk about his feelings (also a recurring theme)

Vague slutshamey talking about the dancing which is super uncomfy

Angel calling Xander ‘just a kid’ which has a lot of just... super creepy implications, which are like almost addressed when Buffy asks if that means she’s a kid too, but we don’t get an answer to that (for the record she’s 16 and Angel is super fucking old, yeah I gotta talk about this later in another post)

Angel just tries to go cause he’s a little shit baby who makes Buffy do like 80% of the work in their relationship

Alright, there’s a lot of expansion that can be done on all this, but a lot of it’ll probably happen in liveblogging future episodes.

SO ANYWAY as Buffy goes to chase after Angel (like he always makes her do), she falls into an open grave and they realize the body has been dragged away, starting this investigation into the ‘monster of the week’ as we go to OPENING CREDITS

As the cool music fades we go to Buffy and Xander walking into the library to find Giles talking to an empty chair, practicing how to ask out Jenny Calendar. It’s actually pretty cute and I love awkward nerd dad Giles and Buffy sasses him in a charming way... which Xander then makes super weird, leading to the very, very warranted line from Buffy: “I fear you.” You should fear him, Buffy. You and every other female character in this show. Buffy goes on to give Giles some advice about asking Jenny out, which is sweet, while Xander is a tool.

Buffy then starts talking about the grave she and Angel found. Xander of course has to comment on her being there with Angel, y’know the guy Buffy has a legit on and off again thing with, who she has every right to hang out with without you judging her Xander, shut your gross mouth. Buffy continues to explain stuff and they decide to get Willow to look into the missing body, cause I guess this was the 90s and no one else knows how computers work

Willow we find being adorable and signing up for a science fair where random creepo of the week (I think he’s called Erik???? idk he’s gross so I don’t wanna acknowledge him more than I absolutely have to. Isn’t it wild that a feminist show has so many just casually creepy dude characters? I wonder what that’s about, Joss) Less creepy rando of the week, Chris, shows up and has a nice chat with Willow (too bad we’re going to forget he exists after this episode) Then light of my life, queen of my heart Cordelia shows up to also do the science fair cause the writers needed to find a reason to get her into this plot where she’s gonna get creeped on a whole bunch, great. Buffy shows up for Scoobie bizz and Cordy and Willow go with her, conveniently missing the super cryptic lines the episode randos drop in the middle of a crowded school hallway, but I guess none of the extras can hear so no one calls the cops

Cut to the library where everyone except Willow is scared of the witchcraft that makes the computer work, so she looks up the missing dead girl. Cordelia doesn’t care what they’re doing, but follows along anyway cause the writers kinda want her to be in the Scoobie gang but can’t figure out how to make it happen. She also drops some big foreshadowing that no one listens to because no one in this show appreciates her the way I do. Willow finds that their missing dead girl was killed in an accident with two other girls, so they decide to see if their bodies are gone too as Giles runs through creepy theories about flesh eating demons or zombies. Buffy briefly mentions Angel and Xander shoves his own foot up his ass in protest

We then go to the graveyard where Giles and Xander dig up the grave while Buffy and Willow talk about boys (will we pass the bechdel test this episode? we just don’t know) Buffy gets shamed more for her ‘sexydance’ with Xander and then she asks about the foreshadowing Cordelia dropped earlier and Willow turns into an exposition fairy to talk about Chris’s dead brother, who totally isn’t related at all to the dead bodies being dug up now. Buffy opens up the coffin and we cut to--

Cordelia heading to her car after cheer practice, only to be stalked by a mysterious pair of shoes in the most ripped from a horror movie scene this episode. She hides in a dumpster only to realize the creep following her is actually Angel, who still doesn’t know how to not terrify people he’s trying to talk to. As she’s getting out o the dumpster, Cordelia finds a severed hand trying to cop a feel

The gang gets back to the library where Angel and Cordelia are hanging out (probably planning their spin off already) and Xander and Angel are stupid at each other because that’s the only kind of interaction these two can ever have. Angel tells them about the body parts in the dumpster, which apparently he looked at enough to know some bits are missing, throwing out all the theories the scoobies came up with. He says that the stitching was super good and Giles makes the (very justified) point that high schoolers shouldn’t know how to do that, but apparently they like to stitch up bodies in the science club, so it’s time to break into some lockers. Cordelia asks Angel to take her home and it’s weird for everyone (also Angel’s wearing a really weird jacket right now, it’s khaki and makes him look like a business man who just got laid off and is super bummed that means he can’t sneak around with his secretary anymore)

We then go to Chris’s house where his mom is clearly grieving, but still awful. Now okay, this scene is super short, but very good at establishing everything we need to know about Chris’s homelife, so points there. Back to the school for breaking into people’s lockers. Chris and creepo are found to have lots of medbooks and the creepiest fucking frankengirl made out of pictures from magazines or something. We then go to Chris and creepo in their secret lab where they’re frankensteining the girl bits together

And now we go to the school where Buffy rightly says how messed up this is and Xander opens his mouth to word vomit about love and it’s so weird how his mouth moves but Whedon’s words come out and shit all over female characters. Then we get some cute flirting with Giles and Jenny and he stutters a whole bunch and she asks him out and it’s a genuinely sweet moment (this is when we feel the Whedon destruction of happiness hammers looming. Remember kids, Joss Whedon hates happiness)

Willow tries to do research while Xander’s a dumbass, then Buffy gets there and they discuss the possibilities of frankengirl already being shambling around, only for Giles to get there and say that all three dead heads have been found, so Chris and creepy haven’t finished the job yet. We go to them, talking about how they’ve gotta move fast cause there’s a time limit before the limbs start being extra super dead. Creepy wants to kill a girl and Chris is like ‘dude what the fuck, I’m not doing that’ and it’s revealed that his super dead brother is now a frankenjock and these guys can just... bring people back from the dead??? For a show where people drop like flies, you’d think this would get a little more focus, but no. Super dead bro just wants an equally horrifying lady friend and manages to football talk Chris into agreeing to murder. Dead guy looks at creepy’s pictures and he picks Cordelia (cause it’s been almost an episode since she’s been kidnapped, gotta tick that box again)

The Scoobies meanwhile realize that Chris and creepy have to kill a new girl to get a head and Buffy’s the only one appropriately enraged by this. Willow tries to argue sympathy for Chris, which Buffy doesn’t seem to go for until she goes to Chris’s house and gets an idea of how shit his situation is with his mom. Buffy goes to check out Chris’s weird basement room while dead bro looms, she finds a creepy cut up picture of Cordy and rushes to the rescue. Meanwhile Cordelia gets menaced and kidnapped in the locker room but Buffy shows up just in time to save her. Then Cordelia, cause she’s a fucking pro, insists on going out for cheerleading stuff, gotta lead all those fuckin cheers

Buffy realizes Chris is still there and does try to sympathize, but tells him he’s gotta knock off the creepy shit. Chris plays the pronoun game saying he has to do this for “him” until Buffy realizes he means his dead brother. We briefly see said brother smashing everything and attacking creepy until he says he can make him the lady friend on his own. Buffy and Chris get back to the hidey hole too late and realize dead bro and creepy are still going after my sweet Cordelia

At the football game we see Giles and Jenny on their date, her actually calling it that and making Giles go all awkward. But then the cockblock crew shows up and Willow and Xander steal Giles’s food instead of... y’know, worrying about the potential frankenteen stuff going on. Cordelia gets statched by the dead guy and dragged off while the crowd is distracted by the bizarrely shiny yellow pants the football players are wearing. Buffy and Chris get there a little too late and then we see Cordelia with the creeps and she screams a lot, which... fair Cordy, me too

Chris tells Buffy where to find Cordelia. Apparently they’re just doing this in an old science lab??? .Chris goes to get backup and Buffy goes for the save. She real quickly tries to talk things down, cause she does sympathize with Chris, but when deaders goes to attack Cordy, Buffy goes for the ass kick. The fight goes on for a really, really long time cause this guy won’t get staked. The lab starts catching on fire as Xander gets there and (being useful for the first time this episode, no this season) goes to get a tied up Cordelia out (or he tries to, he can’t undo the fucking straps holding her down on her weird gurney thing, just ignoring all the knives and cutting tools like a foot away cause why use his thinkerbox for anything other than petty quips)

Giles and Willow get there and remove an unconscious creepy. Xander just... he fucking throws himself onto a still screaming Cordelia, giving up getting her untied and just wheels them out because the lab is on too much fire now. This knocks the gurney where the rest of the bits of the would be frankengirl are into the biggest fire. Dead bro is about to super smash Buffy when Chris gets there and yells at him.

This makes him notice the burning body and he just... really awkwardly climbs on top of it and gets redeaded in the fire. And it’s kinda sad but he’s been super creepy this whole episode and no one will remember this later

Outside the fire department gets there a little before Angel does (still wearing his weird khaki outfit like he forgot his middle and last names are “I’ll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color”) And he just... stands there for a bit until we cut to Giles and Jenny talking about a second date. I’m sure that will go well and there won’t be any drama

Xander and Willow talk about how they’re sad and dateless for some reason. Well, Xander says that because he’s a clod and Willow humors him because she’s a soft lovely lady who hasn’t realized there are better options out there yet (soon, honey, soon) Cordelia, who has been temporarily possessed by Joss Whedon, tries to flirt at Xander a little, but he’s dumbass and just brushes her off

Cordelia makes the greatest face ever and is temporarily released from the mild insanity that makes her think Xander is anything more than a terrible worm boy (this won’t last and I hate that)

Now we close out on the same graveyard where we started (wow, neat, such closure, much meaning wow) There’s also this weird cut to a closeup where Sarah Michelle Gellar is clearly standing on a box as Angel talks about how he is in fact jealous of Xander. Progress! I guess. He talks about how being a vampire is suffering cause it makes dating a teenager hard

I joke, but okay, this is a sweet scene and a nice way to bookend the episode, and this is coming from Bangelhater69 over here

FINAL THOUGHTS: In terms of advancing the plot, not a whole lot happens, but there are some good character and relationship moments here, so it’s definitely not all bad. But hey guys SPIKE GETS HERE NEXT EPISODE!!!!

[trendingnewsb]

5 Horror Movies That Made Up Rules Midway Through The Film

Any good movie needs to establish the rules of its universe. The viewer absolutely must know what happens if zombie blood gets in your mouth, or if you give a gremlin a boner. Unfortunately, not every movie can keep its own rules straight. Some make stuff up right in the middle and hope you won’t notice. Spoilers ahead, of course.

5

In Get Out, The Villains Must Vet And Seduce Their Victims Carefully … Or Just Kidnap Random People?

One of the major reveals in Get Out is that even white people who voted for Obama can be racist. Another big one is that Chris’s girlfriend, Rose, only dated him so that her family could hypnotically trap his mind and auction his body off to wealthy brain-rapists. It’s an amazing movie, is what we’re saying here.

Anyway, we’re first tipped off to the evil plot when Chris discovers a troublingly large stack of photographs of Rose and all her (black) exes, including her parents’ weird servants. You might not immediately think, “These are people she’s mentally enslaved,” but it’s worth bringing up.

Universal PicturesAlso, what’s with the box of physical photographs? Are you a hundred years old?

Rose has been dating Chris for five months. And judging from the intimate photos, she’s convinced over a dozen other people to fall for her. This means she has been in the family business of debauching African Americans since she was, at best, a teenager. Forget about how creepy that is; it’s sort of incredible. They’ve been asking this girl to constantly convince strangers to fall in love with her and then betray them since before she could buy beer. She’s the Meryl Streep of brain transplant crime.

Using Rose as a honeypot sounds extremely inefficient, but what else could the family do? The movie clearly establishes that they’ve got to get those people to their house somehow, and it’s not like they can simply abduct anyone on the street.

Except … wait, that’s exactly what they can do.

Universal PicturesTo this guy. This poor son of a bitch right here.

The man in the picture above is Andre. Andre is nabbed while wandering around an upscale suburban neighborhood, presumably looking for an Olive Garden. Rose’s brother, Jeremy, lacks his sister’s bubbly charm, so he apparently knocks out random black pedestrians and stuffs them in his car.

And it’s not like Jeremy’s method is any less successful than Rose’s. Andre was clearly hypnotized, brain-transplanted, and sold with no real problems. Jeremy achieved in a single night what took Rose five full months.

Read Next

6 Classic Movies That Get Ruined By Grade-School Science

On top of all of that, Jeremy’s method is significantly safer. While she was dating Chris for half a year, she met all the people in his life — like his friend, Rod, who might wonder why his friend didn’t come back from her house. A bisexual girl who dates only black people is already going to generate some gossip, but if every single one of those people mysteriously goes missing, it’s safe to say that story would get picked up sooner or later. And a string of abductions linked to the city’s most famous interracial sex addict is a much easier crime to solve than a few seemingly unrelated disappearances.

4

In Freddy Vs. Jason, Jason Randomly Becomes Afraid Of Water

Freddy Vs. Jason was supposed to be the horror villain smackdown to end all horror villain smackdowns. But before the two really go at it, Freddy enters Jason’s dreams to see what he fears most. After decades of murder, Jason has been beaten and mangled, sometimes to death, so obviously the thing he fears most is water. Wait, water!?

Specifically, harmless cascading water. It’s … it’s weird.

Later in the movie, Freddy uses this knowledge to his advantage. Right when Jason is about to machete the shit out of Freddy, a pipe bursts, spraying wetness between the supernatural forces of death. There’s nothing special about this water. It’s just water. And it stops Jason right in his tracks. Now, this rule makes sense on paper … if you’ve never seen a Friday The 13th movie. As a boy, Jason first died by drowning, so a phobia of water would not be out of the question. Now here’s a picture of a very relaxed Jason chest-deep in his greatest fear:

New Line CinemaOr maybe he’s scared? It’s hard to tell, of course.

Here he is in Jason Takes Manhattan, wherein he hitches a ride to the big city on a boat’s anchor with no problem whatsoever. This is almost certainly the wettest way to get to Manhattan.

New Line CinemaLook at the poor thing: Scared to death.

Even in a Friday The 13th video game, Jason has no problem getting in the water to do some good old-fashioned lake slaying.

Gun Media“Oh thank god! Rescue me!”

Is it possible Freddy reawakened some dormant fear in Jason? Maybe, but the more likely explanation is that there needed to be some kind of tension in a fight between two immortal fear monsters, and they didn’t hire the world’s most creative writer to develop the story every seven-year-old horror fan thought of first.

3

In It Follows, Shooting The Follower Doesn’t Work (Until It Does)

It Follows is about a monster that follows you if you fuck someone who was already being followed by the monster. Then, if the monster catches you, it fucks you to death. It’s uh … it’s better than it sounds. The whole thing is a not-so-subtle metaphor for STDs, so you would imagine the solution to the problem would be some kind of poetic, maybe metaphorical thing, like convincing teens to practice abstinence, or maybe burning off your genitals. But no. Instead they shoot it.

They straight up shoot the thing dead.

RADiUS-TWC

Now, shooting isn’t a bad idea if you’re looking to kill something, but they establish early in the movie that bullets don’t work on the Follower. Instead of getting on a plane to Australia to wait it out (because the entity can only very slowly walk wherever it goes), the main group of kids decide to hang out at a nearby beach and let it catch up. Naturally, the monster shows up, and the main character, Jay, shoots it in the neck.

This doesn’t keep it down for long. It gets right back up and continues following Jay. This should communicate that it’s a mystical being that can’t be stopped with mortal techniques, but it doesn’t. In fact, the movie soon gets straight up Scooby-Doo. During the big final showdown, the heroes attempt to electrocute the creature in a pool. But when that plan goes belly-up, they decide to finish it off once and for all … by shooting it. Again.

Maybe it’s not a metaphor for STDS, but for how nothing matters and everything’s stupid.

When the pool fills with blood, the kids decide the entity is defeated once and for all. Now sure, there’s a scene at the end which shows it may (or may not) still be following the characters, but the monster inexplicably showing up at the end of the horror film is a tried and true cliche. It means practically nothing. It’s as pointlessly ridiculous as having the monster leap out of the pool on a surfboard and go, “I’ll be back in It Follows 2: Beach Bods!”

2

In 2004’s Dawn Of The Dead, People Turn Into Zombies Just, Like, Whenever The Hell

A lot of zombie movies play their “zombie rules” pretty fast and loose, but the 2004 Dawn Of The Dead remake reeeally stretched the boundaries of zombification science. Basically, when people get bitten, they turn into zombies whenever it’s most convenient for the plot.

In the opening scene, Ana’s husband gets bitten in the neck by a zombified neighbor child and collapses on the bed. In the time it takes for Ana to call 9-1-1 and get a busy signal, he dies and pops back up as an undead maniac:

Universal Pictures“HEY! We’re out of toilet paper! I TOLD YOU YESTERDAY WE’RE OUT OF TOILET PAPER! YOU ALWAYS DO THIIIIIS!!!”

Later, when the gang is in the mall, they bring in a truck full of eight people, two of whom have been bitten. One is a lady in a wheelbarrow, best described as 300 pounds of moaning rotten meat long overdue to die from any number of things. The other is TV’s Max Headroom, who has a little bite on his arm.

Universal Pictures“Wait, in what zombie story do you bring me into an enclosed space!? This is fucking crazy!”

Universal Pictures“Wait, someone remembers Max Headroom? This is fucking crazy.”

Max Headroom dies very shortly, but another character, the pregnant Luda, has a similar wound on her arm, and she lasts days, maybe weeks? The movie doesn’t give a clear timeline, but within one montage set to a lounge cover of “Down With The Sickness,” it’s made clear the party is in there long enough to get suicidally stir-crazy.

The point is, Luda lives hundreds, maybe thousands of times longer than other people with the same wound. Maybe her pregnancy had an effect? Meanwhile, the lady in the wheelbarrow seemed to rot into a corpse puddle long before she hopped up as a zombie. Maybe her weight problem had an effect? Is diabetes the cure for zombism?

The characters spell it right out for the audience that bites transit the disease, and yet not a single infection seems to follow the same rules. For instance, the gun shop owner gets bitten on the arm, describes it as “not bad,” and turns undead in minutes. Can the zombie virus tell when it’s time to speed up the plot?

Universal PicturesZombie for “Wrap it up.”

So turning into a zombie can take several minutes, a few hours, or literally weeks, based on whatever reveal is coolest. Maybe the silliest dramatic transformation happens in the climax, when the Ty Burrell “rich dick” character gets jumped by a zombie and moments later comes back as a hissing monster. Which means that within seconds, a zombie kills him, decides to stop eating him, and leaves the area completely. This goes against everything we’ve learned about zombie behavior and most of what we’ve learned about bite timelines, but it allows him to get shot in the face for a callback to earlier in the movie, when Ana said she was going to shoot him in the face.

Universal Pictures“Ha! I knew that line about shooting me in the face would pay off!”

1

In Saw, Jigsaw Lets People Live If They Appreciate Life. Except No, He Doesn’t.

Saw‘s central villain, John Kramer, conducts sinister tests on human beings, only allowing them to live if they learn what life really means. The movies clearly want us to think of Jigsaw as a complicated character. Yes, he’s a murderous criminal, but also sort of a free life coach? Which may be how they justify letting him win at the end of every movie. (Sorry for spoiling Saw, Saw II, Saw IV, Saw 3D, and Jigsaw.)

There’s always some reveal to explain how all the people in Jigsaw’s traps deserve it, and unlike his insane proteges, Kramer himself has a single guiding philosophy he’s trying to carry out. Supposedly, he forces people to appreciate what they have, and if they demonstrate that they’ve learned this, he lets them go. But is that really what he does? Is all of this as stupid as it sounds?

Yes. In one movie, he forces a man to tunnel through a maze of razor wire to prove that he wants to live. The man in question does indeed want to live, and is so determined to do so that he slices his stomach open while fighting his way through. So he proves it, right? No, Jigsaw lets him die. It wasn’t any kind of test; it was a weird murder with torture and puppets that would have killed him less if he wasn’t so motivated to live. Enjoying life isn’t the same as being immune to barbed wire, Jigsaw!

The movie is full of traps built around how much damage a body can take, not how determined the body is to seize the day. For instance, the man covered in flammable jelly and made to tread on broken glass without flinching. Jigsaw watches that poor guy through a peephole and doesn’t once intervene, even as the guy clearly demonstrates his willingness to endure pain to save his own life. He passed, you dick! Call off the murder!

At one point, Kramer leaves a victim in a chair designed to drill into the man’s head if the detectives following him don’t call off the case. What kind of zest for life is that supposed to test? Drills don’t magically stop working when they hit a brain thinking about how it hates dying.

In the history of Jigsaw’s arts and crafts murder spree, only a small handful of people are actually tested on how much they appreciate life. The rest of them are killed in pointlessly unpleasant ways. It’s like Jigsaw created the world’s most infantile, half-baked philosophy solely to justify thousands of hours of death trap construction and bicycling puppet maintenance. How did they make eight movies about that, and only seven about an evil Leprechaun?

Jordan Breeding also writes for Paste Magazine, the Twitter, himself, and with a dirty, dirty spray can in various back alleys. Mike Bedard does a lot more than point out flaws in movies. He also makes his own. Here’s a short he made about Indiana Jones saying it’s okay to punch Nazis. If you like what you see, then follow him on Twitter. Dan Hopper is an editor for Cracked, previously for CollegeHumor and BestWeekEver.tv. He fires off consistent A-minus tweets at @DanHopp.

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[todokori-kun]

Did someone say suffering? SIGN ME UP.

(I think I’ve heard of it before but I have no idea what it’s about other than the fact that there are obviously terrorists involved lol)

Poor Hisoka. So much unnecessary hate.

I have something to recommend real quick too: could you search ‘Hisoka Schwing’ and then ‘Kyousou Requiem’ on youtube? The infamous ‘Schwing’ scene will show you why Hisoka is a trash pile, Kyousou Requiem is Hisoka’s character song from the anime and will show you why sometimes, rarely, Hisoka can be cool (or rather, he has a very nice voice and you can actually enjoy the song. Unless you’re waching the video with English subs. Then you’d probably get too distracted by the lyrics).

The troll side of me is really looking forward to your reaction XD

TYSM again <333

Really? I mean, if you’re ok with me spamming you and ranting about stuff (basically what I always do but still) I’d love to send you more pics.

That sounds really cool :D

Yay :) tbh though I have a weird definition of PG-13 LOL when I’m watching stuff with my sister PG-13 is anything that’s acceptable for her to watch if I cover her eyes at certain points/make sure to talk about things with her, and when I’m watching stuff alone PG-13 is anything that doesn’t have any sexual content (sexual references are ok though) and has no extreme violence/gore. That’s pretty much it XD

I think I read on the site that Rod is recommended as the first route? So maybe I’ll start with him :)

I WILL RESIST (we both know I won’t be able to though. Queen Luna knows my weaknesses.)

Yeah, Riza would be impressed. I think she’d wonder how on earth her idiot son managed to get such a beautiful, sensible young lady to like him LOL

Evans…would probably be a bit less impressed. If Roy managed to prove to me that he’s genuinely in love with the queen, though, I might give in. It depends on what he does though. If he mentions miniskirts or that on hold song I’m throwing him out. Like-

Roy: “LUNA, I THOUGHT YOU SAID SHE WAS SHY AND SWEET”

Luna: *stares at the wild Evans* “Sorry bae, but right now you’re on your own.”

Evans: “Colonel Mustang, you should understand that my anxiety makes me nervous around human beings, not trash.”

Yeah, I remember that 4-Koma Theatre thing XD All of FMA’s extras are pretty hilarious.

Tbh any relationship with Evans involves a LOT of awkward silences and going round in circles until SOMEBODY decides to step in like ‘nah you’re not getting anywhere like that here let me just give you this convenient push so you fall into each other’s arms’

(Also: I recently imagined what it would be like to be Kimblee’s s/o. I don’t know why I did that. It was a terrifying thought.)

Ok, ok, since we seem to talk about shipping each other with fictional characters a lot, I thought I’d leave a list of who I ship you with from various fandoms-

Oreo Cookie

Nishiki, for some weird reason?

Roy

Greedling (I STILL HAVEN’T WRITTEN THE GREED/LUNA HCs. I’LL SEND THOSE IN A SEPERATE MESSAGE)

Lust

Soma and maybe Sebastian? Like he’s way too trashy for the queen but still

Loki

Thor

Maybe Pietro? But he’s dead so ;-;

Jean (from AoT)

Armin

Hange?

I still care about a lot of people (other than Urie there’s Saiko, Nishiki, Kimi, Shuu, Naki, Yomo, Uta(?), Eto, Ui…) but yeah, I’m worried for Urie even if I’m sure he’s not going to die. 

I’m super excited for Ishida to reveal more of Rio/Shikorae’s backstory! He might actually play a bigger role in the plot now? And I really want to know how he ended up like that because his game design looks a lot more ‘normal’, for lack of a better word. Also I don’t think he talked in emojis in the game.

Yeah, tbh I feel sorry for all of them ;-; can Yomo and the rest really kill them/harm them? They’re CHILDREN.

Yep, the sketches are rough and messy because I was just doodling to vent my feelings ^^;; the black sketch does look a bit better than the blue one, though (at least I think so?). I’m glad you liked them :D and yes, they’re suffering. Naomi more than Tatsuo, though. The only way Tatsuo could suffer is if he was unsure of Naomi/Shuu/Mirumo’s safety or if someone cut off his wine supply.

Hm, looking forward to seeing what it’ll change to next time :) this one really is super cute though <3

(btw, an extremely random and maybe slightly creepy question that you don’t have to answer:

What do you do/how do you act when you’re angry?)

Oh yeah, there’s plenty of suffering there. It also has a really good soundtrack! My personal favourite is probably this one: Ís (it has a link so you can listen to it :3 ) Yee, it’s a pretty depressing anime. When i finished it, I stared at ny wall for solid 10 minutes thinking about what I just watches. You also cry a lot while watching it, especially if you’re like me (I never cry at live action movies, but anime het me really easily)

I am scarred for life. Wow. That guy is bigger trash anything I can imagine. Just. That’s so creepy >_< Getting turned on by the thought of fighting a boy that doesn’t look older than 13.  Also, the song is nice, his voice is nice, but then I saw the lyrics. “Your (something) makes me moist.” I don’t even watch the anime, but I am done with him on too many levels already.

I’m scared already… I’m absolutely fine with you sending me more of your drawing! In fact, I’d be more than happy to see them ^^ 

Oh wow, those are interesting definitions of pg-13. I think that pg13 means you can swear once or twice. Tokyo Ghoul has a lot more swears than that XD I’m curious, though, have you ever watched any anime with your sister? If so, which ones? You mentioned her reading kuroshitsuji, minus some arcs, but what about the anime?

Ah, Rod might be a good start (asshole). I hope you enjoy his route ^^ Tell me your impressions after it!  Also, (one last (hopefully)) word of advice, pace yourself. Don’t be like me and finish all the routes in 2 days. That’s too much suffering and emotion packed into 2 days XD

AHAHA WILL YOU THOUGH? 

O/////////=

After I read that burn, I literally sat here for about 5 minutes, just staring at the screen. 

That was absolutely savage.

Who says the silences have to be awkward? I’m a pretty quiet person, yet whenever my friends are over and we’re silent, it’s never awkward. We just enjoy the silence. 

That’s why you have me huehuehuehue I’ll be your wing(wo)man! 

Honestly, I’d write some Evans/Kimblee headcanons, but I honestly can’t imagine that man in a relationship. I tried, I really tried. 

Ara, that’s a lot!  Funny how you should say Nishiki, since he was actually my favourite, along with Shuu before Urie came along. You know me too well ^^

No, no, there’s honestly no need for that! You’ve already written so so much for me!

Tbh, I feel like one of the rare people in the fandom who don’t like Sebastian. I don’t find him hot, attractive or anything similar. In fact, he’s among the characters I dislike the most XD  Rip pietro. Why did you have to say goodbye?

Hange and I would probably have a more platonic relationship filled with weird experiments and titan research. I’d also participate in giving the titans horrible names just for the lols :P

I’m worries for everyone. Mainly, their mental health. I’m always worried about that when it comes to TG, though.

I wonder what’ll happen with him… Hopefully Ishida does make him a good character ^^

So. Much. Suffering. Well, cut of his wine supply, that’s probably the least suffery thing you can do to him XD

It might stay this character (very likely), change to a character from CP (also likely (help)) or something entirely else. We’ll just have to wait and see ^^ 

When I’m angry, I mostly rant inside my head and… I do schoolwork… Yep, I’m a nerd. It does help me vent, though, because it takes my mind of of things. When I don’t have schoolwork to do, I watch cutesy anime, because those can always make me smile.  I also listen to angsty music sometimes ^^;;

Aaalso, I recently (today) realised how to make proper aesthetic edits! So, uhm, here are some I made! I’d like your opinion on them ^^

((I tried to put 4 put the other 2 wouldn’t load =3= I’ll try to include them in my next answer ^^))

Masquerade ball:

Blue one ((Actually inspired by you)):

((Idk if you’ve read this, but the other two decided to load, huzzah!))

Living Legend Ballerina:

And the one where I decided to be conceited and made one for myself XD

If you have an idea for a specific character, or something, just say so, because I wanna practice and ideas are welcome!