#raul mendes oneshot

[shawn-is-my-giant-jellybean]

"Tell me how do you like it?"

"You like it rough? intense?"

"Yes." She breathed down his neck.

Lost in Ecstasy

(Blurb)

I'm back!! I'm so sorry anon for taking so so long to write this. It's probably been over a year. I was going through a lot and wasn't in the headspace to write at all. But I'll try being consistent now. I took the liberty to modify the ask a little bit. Hope you like it.

Warnings : smut, age-gap, early 30s!reader × late 20s!Shawn

Soft, dim lighting casts a sensual glow throughout the room, illuminating the figures of Shawn and Y/N. Their bodies are intertwined, their breaths heavy with desire.

Y/N, her voice low and filled with anticipation, whispers into Shawn's ear, sending shivers down his spine.

"Tell me, Shawn. How do you like it?"

Shawn's eyes meet Y/N's, his desire evident as he responds, his voice husky.

"I like it rough. Intense. I want to lose myself in the moment with you."

Y/N's lips trace a path along Shawn's neck, her touch igniting a fire within him.

"Mmm, yes." She bites gently at his earlobe, sending a surge of electricity through his body. Their bodies press closer together, their connection intensifying with each passing moment.

The room fills with the sounds of their mutual exploration, a symphony of pleasure and desire. Their movements become more urgent, a dance of ecstasy and fulfillment.

In the midst of their shared passion, they lose themselves in the moment, reveling in the raw intensity of their connection. Skin against skin, their bodies merge, fueled by a hunger that can only be sated by each other.

Breaths mingling, they push the boundaries, exploring the depths of their desires. Each touch, each whisper, brings them closer to the edge of bliss.

The room becomes a sanctuary for their unyielding passion, a place where inhibitions dissolve, and their deepest fantasies find expression.

Time seems to stand still as their bodies move in perfect harmony, seeking pleasure and surrender. In this intimate space, they find solace, fulfillment, and a profound connection that transcends the physical realm.

As their climax approaches, their cries of ecstasy fill the air, a testament to the intensity and satisfaction they find in each other's arms.

Finally spent, they collapse into a tangled embrace, their bodies still humming with the lingering echoes of their passion.

Breathing heavily, Y/N and Shawn lay in each other's arms, their bodies basking in the afterglow of their passionate encounter. Their eyes meet, a shared understanding passing between them.

In the silence of the room, they find solace in their connection, knowing that their desires are fulfilled and their souls entwined.

[mendesblurb]

BLURB : FUCK IMAGINE WATCHING HIM GET DRESSED 🤤🤤

Getting Dressed

Shawn Mendes x female reader

Word Count: ~412

Warning ⚠️: fluff, tiny mentions of smut, maybe grammar error and maybe some punctuation errors.

Blurb Masterlist Complete Masterlist

You rolled onto your side, still a little groggy from sleep, and watched Shawn as he searched around the room for his articles of clothing. You smirked as your eyes gazed at him; you felt your face flushing as you took in the expanse of his bare skin.

His curls were still sexily messed up from the events of last night. Your eyes stare at each dip and curve of his muscle, following the lines of his back, all the muscles bulging under his skin, his broad shoulders, muscular arms, perfectly sculpted abs, his feet bare, and he was only wearing his black boxer shorts.

The sight of him still causes a hot ball of desire in your stomach to funnel down your legs and up your chest.

He searched around for a while before finding his pants and shirt. He was just about to slip his pants on when he felt an arm encircling his waist, feather-light kisses brushing along his neck, “Mmm, Y/n….”

He feels you smiling as your lips brush against his skin, “Leaving so soon, baby?”

You teasingly kiss his ear lobe, then a spot along the neck curve that only sends him more pleasant tingling through his body. You run your hands up and down the front of his body, nuzzling your nose against his neck and continuing to trail more kisses slowly, each one more heated than the last.

“Y/n…..,” Shawn finally turns in your arms, lingering his face close to yours and his smirk daring you to close the distance between your lips. “Stay with me a little longer?”

“Okay.”

As he speaks, he leans even closer until he’s a breath away. Then, he finally kisses you; the minty fresh toothpaste still lingers as his lips meet yours, gently at first but with a growing intensity within seconds. You briefly pull back breathlessly, giving him a shove until the back of his knees bumps up against the mattress, and he takes the hint to sit down, “Move in with me?”

“I’d love to,”’ You involuntarily climb into his lap, and his skin is hot where it touches yours. He smirks, and cups the back of your head with one hand, bringing your face up to meet his in one again, a breathless kiss.

Your phones were buzzing on the nightstand, reminding you of real-life obligations, but neither cared; choosing to be tangled in the sheets a little longer.

————————————————————————-

Thank you for reading guys... feel free to like, reblog, follow my account, leave a comment and my chat is always open for random chats or requests... appreciate every single one of you... ❤️

Taglist (open) : @monikamendes @holland-styles @bvttercupbby @lonelyreputation @badreputationlove @shawn-is-my-giant-jellybean @benito-mi-vida @swiftmendeshoran @yournameoneverypage @shawn-is-bruh @mendesbhraanth @perfectlywrongsm @imaginashawnn @smendes-forever @nervousmendes @whenyoureadyholland @shawn-youth @myboyshawn @camilalewiss @camilalewisss @theregoesmyherojd @nanijaac1 @shawnieeboyy @silverswallow @inlovewithmendes @mendeslol @mendesx123 @23kofmendes @jellyloml @chipofmendes @poohmendes @wutheringmendes @shawnmendesbuddy​ @chocochipcookie305

Story code: 30052224

[buck-nialled]

what if you wrote a version of the platonic roommate series where the reader and like shawn get drunk and sleep together and idk lol

Too Much Fun - S. Mendes Imagine

NOTE: thanks for the submission anon :)

TAGLIST: NEW TAGLIST FORM HAS BEEN CREATED, HERE IS THE LINK TO GO FILL IT OUT!

WARNINGS: mentions of drinking and sex, but no smut!!

Shawn could be considered the “loose-y goose” of the household. It did not matter what time of day it was, he never said no to a good time. Whether that be visiting a local beach on tour or entering a club not even an hour after finishing off a concert, it was unlikely for whoever invited him to be turned down. 

In comparison, you were the most square. Shawn and Niall would try disagreeing with this statement in a heartbeat but you knew it to be true. You wore underwear underneath every dress, never stayed up past one in the morning and took your coffee the same way every morning. There was nothing impulsive about any decision made by you. With all of these facts taken to accountability, it is no wonder Shawn’s hand was latching onto yours like a vice in an endeavor to wrench your body from beneath your comforter. 

“Y/N, come on! You’ve been holed up in here for weeks entertaining yourself with…The Notebook?” Shawn glances up from the novel’s jacket and into your eyes, narrowing them into an incredulous look.

“What? It’s a crime for reading?” 

“It is if the story is one you’ve read a million times.” He argues. “What’s the point of reading it if you already know what happens?”

“That’s the fun of it! No surprises, I know exactly what to expect.” You snuggle back down into your covers, satisfied.

“No, fun is about surprises and never knowing what to expect! Which is exactly why we’re going out, come on.” Shawn attempts to wrangle your body up once again. And once again, he is left unsuccessful.

“No, there is nothing you can say that will convince me to leave the comfort of my—“

“I’ll pay.” The sound of your book thumping closed resounds throughout your bedroom, before your body is shuffling out from beneath the covers of the bed.

“You’ve got yourself a deal.” You proclaim, prior to reaching to your closet to pull a last-minute outfit together. 

☆★☆★☆★☆

“See, isn’t this nice?!”  Shawn exclaims from behind you, taking both of your shoulders in your hands and jostling your body to and fro. You could hardly hear him over the thumping bass that makes your knees quake all the way to an empty barstool.

“It’s a little loud!” You reply, cueing Shawn’s eyes to droop. “But nothing I can’t handle.” You add quickly after. The bartender sweeps by to collect yours and Shawn’s orders.

“Just a water for me, thanks.” 

“No no no, what she means is two vodka shots.” Shawn corrects, throwing up a piece sign with his fingers in case the bartender didn’t catch the number.

“Shawn,” you grumble whilst crossing your arms.

“Y/N…”

“I said I’d join you for drinks. Water is a drink.”

“So is vodka. Plus, it’s more fun than water. And fun is all about—“

“Surprises.” You finish through clenched teeth. “I recall…” You glance around the club, and can’t help but to notice a pattern of couples scattered throughout the joint. Grinding, kissing, chatting. When you turn your focus back to Shawn, your body stiffens without you meaning to.

“You okay?” Shawn questions. “Because if you’re not feeling well, we can go.” He offers and tosses a thumb over his shoulder.

“No, I’m fine. I just realized Niall isn’t here…feels kinda weird being just the two of us.” You note amidst bringing a hand to rub at the back of your neck. 

“Oh, yeah…” he chuckles, now too feeling a sudden jolt of nerves run through him. 

“You didn’t…this isn’t…” part of you did not want to speak the thought into existence. But it wouldn’t be totally fat out there for Shawn to bring you here with intentions other than platonic, would it? 

“Oh, no! Well, I mean…now that you mention it I wouldn't mind if this were…” he also finds trouble with his words. “But it's not.” 

“Its not.” you shake your head in confirmation.  

“Great. Glad we’re on the same page.” he clears his throat, before turning this eyes over to the vodka shots being placed on the countertop. He holds one out to you, eyebrows raised as an invitation. When you hesitantly accept, the grin he is harboring stretches wider. 

“To having fun!” Shawn’s shot glass clinks against yours, before the two of you are downing the liquid fire. 

☆★☆★☆★☆

That’s all you can remember from last night’s events. Maybe you pullled him out to the floor for a dance or two, and one of you suggested ordering another round of drinks. And another. And another. Whoever’s idea it was for the two of you to shag in your bed, though, is unbeknownst to you.

Your body was cold being cloaked in only bedsheets and a distinguishable stench of sex. Shawn laid beside you, bare as you were with an arm behind his head and a satisfied quirk of his lips. One would question if he was even asleep had his eyelids not been shut and the soft breaths leaving him not been heard.

“Oh, what have I done? My best friend. My roommate. That’s what I’ve done.” You whisper to yourself, trying to drown out the vicious drilling of your skull. It seems your whispers were not quiet enough to keep Shawn in his slumber. Seconds later he was stirring and letting out pained noises of his own. His eyes peel open and squint at the daylight flooding into the bedroom and highlighting your skin.

“Y/N, what’re you doing in my room?” He inquires in a raspy voice. A dry chuckle leaves you.

“More like what’re you doing in mine.” His eyes open wider this time once he recognizes the paint on the walls, the overflowing bookshelf and lack of instruments to be attributed to you. 

“Holy shit.” He mutters, sitting up and urging the bedsheets to slide down his naked body. “Holy shit!” It comes out in a squeal this time as he clutches the sheets and pulls them tight against his bare torso. 

“Indeed. I think we had too much fun last night.” You breathe out. 

“So we…you and I had…” Shawn points a finger between the two of you and earns a shrug in return.

“Can you think of any other reason we’re naked and in my bed right now?” You hiss. “Wait, did we use protection?” Your eyes were bugging out of your head with Shawn’s expression mirroring yours. Carefully, you slid out of bed to find his button-up shirt from last night lying rumpled on the floor. Without a second thought, you threw it on you to have some modesty. After all, who knows how much of your naked body Shawn recalls now that he is sober. 

After dressing himself in his boxers, he too scours your room for any sign of contraception. 

“I found it,” you call victoriously from the joined bathroom and come into Shawn’s viewpoint. You wave the condom wrapper like a flag before scurrying back beneath your bedsheets in a sigh of relief. 

“Thank god,” Shawn mutters and takes a seat beside you.

The two of you lay in moments of silence that pass by like hours, Neither of you know what to say. Until finally, Shawn pipes up, “man, your bed really is comfy.” 

“Thanks.” 

☆★☆★☆★☆

@fedorable-killjoys​ @particularnarry @swiftmendeshoran​​ @theshyspy @clarabsevero @rosetoronto @organicpurplepants @hoodhoran @umadirectioner @bi-lmg07 @rueplumet @5-seconds-of-bucky @sinceweremutual @benito-mi-vida @shawn-is-my-giant-jellybean

tagging those from my original Shawn taglist. Reminder that A NEW TAGLIST HAS BEEN CREATED!! CLICK THIS LINK TO FILL OUT THE NEW FORM!

[milo-manheim-luver]

Fourth of July- Shawn Mendes x fem!reader

Summary: Y/N and Shawn go to Y/N annual Fourth of July party where Shawn gets judged.

Warnings: angst, lots of fluff, cursing, suggestive content. That’s about it lol

“Babe, it will be just fine” Y/N spoke to Shawn, as Shawn’s hand gripped her left thigh as he drove.

“Okay, baby, but like you literally just warned me that your great aunts are judgmental. And you know very well that I hate being judged, especially by people who are related to you. And oh my god your dad is who I’m the most scared to meet. He could fucking shoot me in an instant” Shawn continued to ramble on to his girlfriend of four months.

“My love, he would never shoot you for starters, and secondly, all I said was ‘hey, by the way my great aunts will probably say something about your tattoos’ I also told you only two of my great aunts are mean. Aunt Lucy is the nice one. Oh and please stay clear of my cousins so that they don’t drool all over you” Y/N said as she glanced over to her boyfriend who she’d already fallen head over heels for.

Moments later, Shawn had made a left turn and then a right, straight into the driveway of where they’d be staying for the weekend. Every year for the weekend of the Fourth Y/N family would get together at the inherited family’s mansion, where they’d celebrate.

“Holy fuck. Babe you didn’t tell me we would be staying in a mansion. It’s beautiful” Shawn spoke as he got excited by the old mansion.

“Baby, it’s not that big” she giggled as Shawn parked his white Tesla in the roundabout, pavement driveway.

“Hah, that’s what I said” he smirked just before opening his door to quickly run around and open the passengers side door, to help Y/N out.

“Shawn Peter Raul” Y/N raised her voice just before smacking her boyfriends chest, as a result to his dirty joke. “We’re at my family’s house, so you must watch what you say please” she continued, followed by a few chuckles as they continued to pull out their bags for the weekend.

As Y/N grabbed her bag, Shawn gently took it away from her to carry it. Y/N in response gave Shawn a gentle kiss to one of his rosy cheeks before continuing to lead the way through the backyard fence and through the back door. “Holy shit this is like a maze” Shawn exasperated as they continued to walk around the large house, trying to find Y/N grandparents. “Grandma! Grandpa! How are you guys? I know I’ve been gone in Toronto for awhile, but anyways meet my boyfriend Shawn” Y/N spoke to her grandparents as she clutched her boyfriend’s bicep.

“Well hello there, Shawn” Y/N grandma spoke to the tall, lean Canadian man. “Hello ma’am, he spoke sweetly to his girlfriend’s grandmother as well as shaking her grandfather’s hand.

“You guys can go up to your room. The third one to the left” Y/N grandfather spoke in his deep voice as Shawn and Y/N walked to the foyer, beginning to walk up the large spiral staircase. As soon as they walked into the room that they would be staying in over the weekend Y/N shut the door and locked it before turning around to smirk at her tall, and confused boyfriend.

“Baby why’d you lock the door?” He asked her as he sat on the end of the large king-sized bed, before laying down with a huff escaping his lips as he closed his eyes. “Because my love, I don’t want anyone to walk in on us, duh” she giggled out as Shawn opened one eye, glaring at her.

“Hey now, I’m telling you right now I will not fuck you while we are here. Okay? I can’t afford to have your whole family hear us” Shawn spoke as he grimaced just thinking about your family finding out or even hearing the two of you.

“My love, that wasn’t the plan. I meant we can make out…. Right? Plus I think we can help each other get changed” She asked innocently as she walked over to her boyfriend and straddled his lap, placing both of her hands on his broad chest, causing him to open both of his eyes wide. “Babe, why do you have to be so fucking hot?” He asked in a lower tone. “I didn’t know I was, my love” she spoke as her hands tan up to caress his broad neck before placing her delicate, plump lips onto the singers’.

“Mmmmhm, baby” he started to speak before kissing his girlfriend again. “I really like this idea” he continued again as he broke up their little make out session to speak again, before continuing again. “But you’re gonna give me a boner” he spoke shyly as his cheeks started to turn red. “Uh well.” Y/N smirked as she went back to kissing Shawn. She slowly ran her hands from his face, down to his chest, unbuttoning his white button up. She slowly pushed the shirt off of his muscular shoulders, giving a chaste kiss to his collarbone, causing him to shudder, releasing a sigh. Her small hands started to fumble with his belt as she unbuttoned his light wash jeans, ending the kiss to pull them off of his thick thighs.

“Babe, you between my thighs is a huge turn on if I’m being honest with you” Shawn groaned out to Y/N. Y/N started to make her way up from Shawn’s toned stomach all the way up to his collarbone, almost leaving a mark. “Baby, stop before you leave a mark because then your dad will actually kill me” Shawn chuckled to his girlfriend. “Oh, uh, about that. There’s still a few faint ones from like five days ago” Y/N cringed as she spoke, causing Shawn to freak out.

“Oh my gosh. It’s really the end for me. Your dad is going to murder me. Oh my gosh….” Shawn spoke as he sat up, eyes wide open as he began to worry. “Baby, it will be okay. I promise. They’re hardly noticeable. Now your boner on the other hand is very noticeable” she spoke with a stifled giggle, getting off of her beloved boyfriend’s lap, walking over to her bag. She dug through her bag, finding her tiny bikini she had planned on wearing. Shawn of course had insisted that she wear that specific one because, “it looks so good on you” were his exact words. She started to strip, feeling her tall, lanky boyfriends eyes on her as she got dressed in her bikini, pulling on a halter dress after as a coverup.

“Baby, I’m not sure you should wear those swim trunks” Y/N giggled as she turned around to see Shawn in his short, red and white vertical striped swim trunks. “Why not?! I like them. They’re quite comfy for me, actually” he exasperated, offended. “Because my cousins will start to drool all over you” Y/N huffed out in jealousy. “Oh baby, you know I only want you” Shawn cooed as he hugged his girlfriend, wrapping his large arms around her waist. “At least put a button up on before you swim?” She asked sweetly. “Anything for you, my love” he cooed back, pulling a crème colored button up long sleeve shirt on, undoing a few buttons towards the top. “Now come on, let’s go downstairs. Everyone is here” Y/N stated as she dragged her giant boyfriend out the bedroom door, and down the stairs, eventually ending up outside by the large in-ground pool.

“Oh my gosh! Hi sweetie! How are you?! And who is this?” Y/N great aunt Stacy asked in her sweetest tone, Y/N obviously knew what was next. “I’m good” Y/N chuckled before she spoke again. “This is actually my boyfriend, Shawn” “Is that a tattoo?” She asked, trying to be nice, but failing miserably, as she pointed to his collarbone.

“Uh, yes ma’am it is” Shawn spoke politely, clearly nervous as to what she might say next. He gently put an arm around Y/N waist, for security.

It’s kind of gross, you having a woman’s name on your body” she said disgusted in him.

“It’s actually my little sister’s name” he frowned as he spoke nicely to Y/N great aunt.

“Why does it even matter if he has a tattoo aunt Stacy?” Y/N chimed in, with a very angry glare.

“Come on, my love, let’s go swim” Y/N giggled out, as she thought about how lucky she was to have him as her boyfriend for the rest of her life. They walked over to one of the poolside lounge chairs, sitting their stuff down. Shawn sat down, patting his thigh, indicating Y/N to take a seat on it.

“Hun, I’m so sorry she was mean to you” Y/N cooed out to the brown, curly-headed boy, who she adored so much. “Baby, it’s okay” Shawn chuckled as he leaned his forehead against his girlfriend’s, as their noses touched. “No, you can’t kiss m-“ Y/N was cut off by her boyfriend’s soft lips. “Me” she spoke again as she smacked her boyfriend’s chest, letting out a small giggle.

“No fucking way, is that Y/N with the Shawn Mendes? There’s no way” Y/N cousin, Claire spoke to her sister Lia. “Uh, I think so?” Lia questioned as her sister Claire ran over to her cousin.

“Hey Y/N, there’s no way this is the Shawn Mendes” Claire chirped as Shawn looked her in the eyes, giving her his signature smile. “Hey hunny” Shawn spoke softly to his girlfriend’s cousin.

“Oh my gosh. Y/N how?! Also hiiiiii” Claire spoke excitedly. “I’m good Claire, how about you? Staying out of trouble at school?” Y/N chirped to her baby cousin. “You know it. Also, I hate to be one of those people, especially since you’re at a family event, but do you mind if I get a photo with you?” Claire shyly asked her cousin’s tall boyfriend.

“Of course you can hun” Shawn smiled widely, excited to meet yet another fan of his. Claire handed her phone to Y/N, as Y/N got up off of Shawn’s lap, as her cousin and boyfriend posed together. Shawn had an arm wrapped around her, smiling. Soon after they were done, Y/N went back to sitting on Shawn’s lap, pressing a gentle kiss to his delicate lips.

“Please take your shirt off” Y/N giggled nervously to Shawn who just looked down at her, laughing and obeying her plead. Y/N began to help her giraffe man of a boyfriend with the buttons on his white button-up. Y/N began to brush Shawn’s shirt off of his shoulders, leaving a chaste kiss to a faint love mark she had left there days ago, on his collarbone.

“Baby” Shawn whispered out into her ear before continuing, “stopppp doing that my love” he chuckled into her ear as she wrapped her arms around his neck, gripping the small curls at the nape of his neck, tugging lightly, earning a ever so quiet grunt from him. “But it’s fun to mess with you” Y/N pouted, jutting her bottom lip out. “If I started to mess with you, you’d punish me by having no sex for like a week” Shawn pouted to his girlfriend who still sat in his lap. “That’s because I can’t get embarrassed at a family event for MY family. Duh” she giggled softly, rubbing her hand up and down his large left, bicep. “That’s so not fair though” Shawn pouted up at his girlfriend.

Y/N leaned into Shawn’s ear, and whispered, “let’s go take a swim.” She stood up off of her boyfriend’s lap, pulling her halter dress up over her head, but struggled terribly. “Babe, will you help me?” She questioned to her boyfriend who still sat on the lawn chair. “I don’t know. It’s kinda adorable seeing you struggle. It reminds me of the time we first had sex and you struggled to pull your shirt off” he started to chuckle immensely at the not so long ago memory.

“Shut up and never speak of that again. That was only because I was a little drunk, but so were you so…” she began to pout again until Shawn came over to help her pull her halter dress over her head, only to overhear Y/N other great aunt talking to Y/N mother.

“M/N who and what is that boy well man doing to Y/N?” Y/N great aunt Cindy spoke in disgust at the tall Canadian man.

“Oh you mean Shawn? That’s Y/N new boyfriend!” Y/N mother spoke as she smiled, looking at her daughter who was smiling away, as she got lost in her boyfriend’s hazel eyes. “And it looks like he’s helping her take her dress off? I’m not sure” Y/N’s mom chuckled again, looking at her aunt.

“Really? He has so many tattoos. Does F/N really approve of him? Because I know how much your husband despises tattoos. And he has his ears pierced? Like don’t you two think he’s a little too much of a- oh my goodness. That is so inappropriate…” great aunt Cindy gasped as Shawn had turned just enough for Y/N’s great aunt Cindy to see the faint love marks Y/N had left all along Shawn’s collarbone days before.

“Do you not see those marks on his chest area? There are children here!” Great aunt Cindy exasperated to Y/N’s mother, who was a little shocked as her daughter had always been so innocent until she let her take that one trip for her 21st.

“Aunt Cindy, it’s okay. She’s an adult now. You have to remember that. And as for the question about F/N, he actually, surprisingly likes Shawn. Shawn treats Y/N very well. He’s very kind and down-to-Earth. F/N doesn’t really particularly like his tattoos but him being so good to Y/N makes up for it” M/N spoke smiling to her aunt.

“Baby, I can hear everything your great aunt is saying” Shawn, the pop sensation frowned as Y/N had sat back onto his lap. “Hey, my love, don’t listen to her. She’s always been like this. Even to me” Y/N smiled as she grabbed Shawn’s slightly scruffed cheeks.

“I love and adore you hunny” Shawn smiled as he moved his nose so that it was briskly touching Y/N’s, giving her an Eskimo kiss.

“Come on, let’s get in the hot tub and you can have a corona?” Y/N asked her beloved boyfriend, as he gulped. Walking over to where Y/N’s great aunt Cindy and her mother were sitting in the hot tub, Shawn climbed in, giving Y/N his hand, helping her in, as she took a seat in Shawn’s lap, earning a glare from her great aunt Cindy. Y/N leaned over, opening the cooler next to the in-ground hot tub, pulling out a corona for Shawn.

“Baby, do you want lime in it?” She asked as she turned in his lap to look at him. “Hmm nah. It should be fine. Remember, I’m a real man, who can handle any flavor of liquor. Unlike some people. Cough cough Y/N” he smirked at her, referring to the first time they had met. In response Y/N smacked his chest, causing Shawn to laugh even more as his cheeks began to turn pink, remembering that his girlfriend’s mother and great aunt were right across from them. “May I please have my corona” he whispered into her ear, kissing her cheek lightly. “Fine. Only because I love you” she said, handing him his bottle of corona.

“So, Shawn, I have a few questions for you” great aunt Cindy spoke to the tall Canadian, who looked back at her like a deer in headlights. “Yes, ma’am. What would those questions be?” Shawn smiled nervously at the older lady.

“So how did you two meet?” She asked with a dead straight face, making both Shawn and Y/N gulp. Y/N hadn’t told her family how the two really met. It’s not that easy to say you bumped into a pop star at a bar in Toronto, where you went to celebrate your 21st, spilling beer all over him, to him buying you a round of shots to help you celebrate, which then lead to you losing your virginity to a very skilled Canadian.

Shawn, then turned to look into Y/N’s eyes for a little bit of permission, as she gave him a reassuring smile. “So when she flew out to Toronto, last September, to celebrate her 21st, she went to this bar I liked to go to. But come on we all know how clumsy she can be. She ran into me and spilt beer all over my white button up. Which babe, by the way was my favorite Yves Saint Laurent shirt” he chuckled as he dove his head down briefly to capture just below her jawline. “She then started to cry and tried to dry it up. But then I tried to make her feel better by buying her a round of my personal favorite, tequila. So short answer, I met her at a dope ass bar in Toronto” he smiled, as he gripped both of her hips under the water, pushing her down onto his lap even further than she already was. Y/N let out a small giggle, rubbing her wet hand through his set of brown curls, giving them a little tug. Shawn in response just bit his bottom lip to keep in a groan, before leaning down to whisper into his girlfriend’s ear, “stop that, or else, I won’t play nice.” Y/N then glared up at her boyfriend through her long lashes as if to challenge him.

“baby, do you wanna go get like a gin and coke?” Y/N asked her tall, lanky boyfriend, so she could have a moment alone with him.

“oh uh yeah, sure. uh do you all have whiskey?” he asked shyly, worried her great aunt would make a snarky comment on his alcohol consumption.

“yeah we have whiskey. did you want a small glass of that or did you maybe want me to get you a few shots of tequila or even vodka?” she asked him softly.

“would it be bad if i did both?” he whispered to his girlfriend.

“just a tad bit. i’ll go get you some shots. how about that?” she smiled softly at her boyfriend.

“that sounds lovely. where to?” he asked the woman he was head-over-heels for. He put his hand out for Y/N to take as she climbed off of his lap and out of the in-ground hot tub.

“Just inside, in the kitchen” she smirked down at him as he stood up, walking behind her, eyes planted on her ass as she swayed her hips. ‘Wow she’s really going all in’ he thought to himself.

he quickly caught up to her as his hand snaked down her bare back, landing on her ass, giving it a small squeeze, earning an evil glare from her as they entered the large house, and into the empty kitchen.

“baby, stop doing that” the tall boy spoke in a low tone, as he trapped his beloved girlfriend between his large frame and the countertops. his eyes were now a dark, chocolate brown color, filled with lust.

“why should i? it’s really fun seeing you all flustered” she spoke innocently, which only turned the tall boy on even more.

“babe, i’m so fucking hard right now it’s not even funny” he grunted into her ear, only earning a giggle from her.

“hah that’s exactly what you said to me the night we met” she chuckled lightly.

“if I remember correctly, you spoke first saying how you wanted my dick” he smirked back down to Y/N. Y/N looked down, blushing, as she became even more flustered due to shawn’s member poking her hipbone.

“babe, for starters i didn’t just want it, i got it. also you better think of something gross to get rid of your stupid boner” Y/N chuckled lightly as she turned around, reaching on her tippy toes for the top shelf to grab the alcohol.

“you don’t think it’s stupid when it’s inside of you” he cringed as the words left his mouth, earning a gasp from his girlfriend.

“Shawn Peter Raul!” she yelled at him, turning around to smack his chest as both of their cheeks turned pink.

“What?! it’s true! you know it is!” he defended, raising both hands into the air. Just after he did that, the couple heard a creak in the old wooden floors, meaning someone was coming their way.

“hunny, what are you doing? your father is looking for you” Y/N mother asked as if she hadn’t heard any of the couple’s previous conversations.

“oh ma, i’m just making shawn and i a few drinks” Y/N smiled to her mom as Shawn hid behind her small frame, hiding his prominent erection.

“okay, well your dad wants to see you and shawn and get caught up with his little girl” Y/N mother smiled warmly as Y/N finished making her and her musician of a boyfriend’s drinks.

“okay, we will be right out!” Y/N smiled to her mother as her mom walked out.

“phew, that was a close one” shawn smirked as he dove his face into the crook of Y/N neck, peppering soft kisses, before biting down, causing Y/N to pull away.

“what the fuck shawn?” she growled at him.

“that’s for trying to turn me on earlier” shawn taunted back to Y/N.

“trying? more like succeeding. i love you” Y/N pouted you at her tall boyfriend, as he looked down into her sparkling eyes. “i love you too. i just had to mark what’s mine. i’m sorry i’m so possessive” shawn pouted, looking down at the ground. Y/N cupped his cheek making him look into her eyes.

“well, i think it’s sexy. i like it on you. shows me how much you really love me” Y/N smirked up at her lover.

“wait, did you just say you think my possessiveness is sexy? glad to know i’m doing something right” he smirked down to Y/N, leaning down to plant a loving kiss to her lips.

“come on my dad and mom are waiting” Y/N spoke as the two finished their drinks. “go find my dad, i’ll be right behind you. i just have to go to the bathroom to cover up this love bite on my neck” she teased shawn as he smirked down to her.

Y/N walked to the bathroom, fixing her hair, to cover the bite that was located in the crook of her neck. once she fixed her hair to cover it, she stepped out of the bathroom to find her mother in the kitchen waiting for her.

“hey darling, please don’t be mad at me, but i might have overheard your guys’ conversation earlier. i can’t tell you not to do anything because you are an adult now, but at least tell me you’re safe about everything” her mother spoke with sincerity and worry.

“i had a feeling you heard some of it. i’m really hoping you didn’t hear some parts of it but knowing you, you probably did. i guess it’s better you find out now than in an interview or something. but to answer your question, yes, we are always safe. i promise you. i’d love it if you didn’t tell dad, but you tell him everything” Y/N smiled to her mother.

“i did kinda hear everything. i’m sorry hunny” she cringed but laughed after.

“gross. now my mom knows my sex life” Y/N muttered to herself as her and her mother walked out of the house and the pool lounge chairs.

there, however we’re only three pool lounge chairs. Shawn’s long body lay reclined in one, as Y/N father lounged in the one beside shawn. Y/N mother sat in the third and last one which was on the end next to Y/N father.

“baby, come here. don’t just stand there hun” shawn cooed to his girlfriend as she hesitantly walked over to shawn’s lounger. she slowly climbed onto the lounger, curling up next to shawn’s tanned skin. shawn’s arm instinctively wrapped around his girlfriend’s waist, pulling her close to him.

“it’s so nice to finally meet you sir” shawn spoke to Y/N dad. they had already shaken hands before Y/N and her mother joined them.

“as to you” Y/N father spoke politely. However, shawn was certain her father could see the faint love bites all across his upper chest and neck that his girlfriend had left just days prior.

“all i’m gonna say is, please treat her well. she’s my baby girl. you know, the youngest of the two girls” F/N spoke with love.

“of course sir. i really love her. truly. i love waking up to her next to me every time she’s at my condo” shawn smiled at the thought. he remembers the first time he woke up, with her in his arms. it was the next morning after they had met the night before. clothes strung out all over the place. her eyes had fluttered open, making his heart skip a beat.

“oh Y/N is that where you stay when you fly out to toronto?” her father asked her with a chuckle, her smacking her boyfriend’s chest, after muttering a small “wow, thanks.”

“yeah, he always told me to just give him a text when my flight would arrive and he’d always pick me up. he’s the best daddy. trust me when i say i’m the luckiest girl in the world” Y/N smiled shyly, as she dug her nose into her boyfriend’s neck, giggling.

“i’m glad you’ve finally found someone. thank you, shawn, for taking care of my little girl” Y/N father spoke with sincerity to his youngest daughter’s tall, lanky popstar of a boyfriend.

•••••••••••••

“babe, you taking a shower?” Y/N asked her goofy boyfriend. they had just finished dinner and had set off fireworks with her family. they would be spending the night at her family’s inherited mansion and leave in the afternoon the next day and take the long drive back up to toronto from new york.

“yeah. wait, you wanna join?” he smirked down to his girlfriend whom he adored with all his heart. she giggled out, responding, “yes, but, not funny business.”

“aight chief” he whispered into her ear, leaving a small peck behind it.

as they undressed and began to walk into the shower, there was a knock on their bedroom door, causing shawn to groan in frustration; as he wanted a moment alone with his girl.

Y/N walked out, naked, to the door, but not without feeling shawn’s eyes glued to her backside.

“who is it?” she asked out, cringing.

“it’s aunt cindy. some of us are having some champagne and visiting. did you and what’s his name want to join?” she asked out, in a grouchy tone.

“uhhh, let me ask shawn. he might be a bit tired, but i’ll ask. he’s about to take a shower but once he’s done, i’ll come down and let you know” Y/N hollered through the door.

“yeah alright” great aunt cindy hollered back in her cranky voice.

Y/N walked back to the bathroom, as shawn started the shower, checking the temperature to make sure it was perfect for the two of them. they both got into the walk-in shower, as Y/N stared up at shawn through her hooded eyelids.

“hey, hunny, what are you thinking right now?” shawn asked his girlfriend while his hands caressed just above her waist as his back was hit with the water.

“i just hope my dad doesn’t think anything less of me after seeing the love bites all over your chest. like i’m supposed to be his innocent little girl. and i definitely hope he doesn’t hate you for being sexually active with me” she spoke shyly up to her boyfriend.

“how would he know that?” shawn smirked as memories of the other night ran through his head.

“oh yeah, my mom heard your big ass mouth while we were getting drinks earlier today” Y/N sassed back to shawn, causing shawn’s smirk to fade.

“please tell me she didn’t hear everything” he cringed at thought of his girl’s mother hearing intimate details.

“oh she heard everything alright. she even asked if we were safe” Y/N sassed back up to her boyfriend before continuing, “she tells my dad everything”

“hunny, it’ll be okay. stop thinking about it. okay?” he questioned her as his calloused thumbs rubbed circles around her bare sides.

Y/N ran one of her small hands up shawn’s chest, landing on his stubbly left cheek. she gazed into his dark eyes, falling in love all over again like she does every time she gazes into them. “you know i wouldn’t change anything about the night we first met. as a matter of fact it was probably one of if not the best night of my life” Y/N cooed to her popstar of a boyfriend.

“well, that was very random. but thank you hunny. you’re my queen. and i love you with my whole heart. never forget that. now let’s actually shower and cuddle, yeah?” shawn cooed back.

“anything for you. i love you with my whole heart too” Y/N whispered into shawn’s ear, planting a passionate kiss to his lips.

[jellycolors]

𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘸𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘴𝘥

𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞/𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞

𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥

[pinkpetalwaterimagine]

« I never stood a chance » (Shawn imagine)  

Hey!! here is an angst because I was in the mood I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ English is not my first language don't hesitate to point out some grammar points ❤️ and don't hesitate to write any prompts or requests 🌈

Word count : 1.6K

Summary : you thought he liked you back. apparently not.

You didn’t said that it was a date but it definitely was one. You had spent way too much time thinking about which outfit to put on, how to do your hair and what will happen during the night. The both of you had been friends for quite a while now, and you always thought that there was some ambiguity between the two of you and your friends thought so too. They would always tell you that the two of you should get together or that you acted like a couple. And maybe Shawn’s friends told him the same thing. All those signs made you thought that you stood a chance. You thought that you could be the one that he would end up with. Sure, you didn’t look like his ex girlfriends and sure you weren’t a big pop star that he would meet on a red carpet but you thought that your relationship was deeper than his fake smiles to people he saw once, he might think he genuinely liked them but you knew it was out of the goodness of his heart because if he spent more than three hours talking to them he would end up walking out of the conversation. 

You thought you were special to him. You thought you were the only one that he would send texts everyday, the only one that would receive gorgeous flowers every other day, the only one where he would stare in your eyes like he was scanning your soul and looking for all the feelings you had for him. So when he asked you to go out, just the two of you, which was not abnormal but far more formal than usual, you had thought « that’s it. That is the night that he is going to say something. » You were ready to lay bare your feelings for him. You were ready to be vulnerable enough so that the two of you would end up walking hand in hand to his car. His hand would have stayed on your thigh the whole drive to your house. His smile would have never left his face and when he would looked over you his smile would only grow. Unfortunately, the night didn’t went as you planned. 

You felt giddy when you receive a text from him an hour before he was supposed to pick you up : « I have a surprise for you :) » said the text. You didn’t answer but you knew all too well the familiar feeling of the small and nice knot at the bottom of your stomach. You were putting on the final touches on your outfit when the doorbell rang in your condo, startling you. You breathed in, shook your legs and arms to shake out the nerves at the same time before answering the door. 

You finally opened the door and was met with such a sight. Let’s be honest, you knew he looked good, you knew he was close to the figures of ancient roman god statues but you were always taken back by his beauty. He had went for a simple look but really effective in reflecting his handsomeness. The light brown jacket brought out his tan skin, and his basic black t shirt was like a second skin. He had a small bouquet of peonies, your favorites flowers. « Hey » he said in a low voice seeming as taken back as you were. You felt your cheeks getting warmer as you followed him in the hallway. 

You made small talk until reaching the lobby before he brought the « surprise » topic again. « Soo, about the surprise. » - he seemed really unsure and embarrassed which made you wonder what was it all about- « I know we said we were going out just the two of us, but she really wanted to come, and I’ve kept you in the dark for quite some time now so I think it’s time to tell you. And I’m sorry to spring that on you like that. » - you decided to cut him off before the poor boy ran out of breath- « Shawn, you are rambling. What’s your point ? » You were getting more and more anxious because of what he said. He hid something from you? What could it be? Obviously it involved a third party. You had an idea of what it might be but you didn’t really wanted to think about that. He took a deep breath, « Okay, here goes nothing, I thought it was time for you to meet my girlfriend. I think you might have seen her around but we were friends before going out so it might have been around that time. Anyway… » 

You felt like he punched you in the stomach, you were out of breath even though you didn’t move one bit. You were shocked. It was easily readable on your face but only you knew why. « Okay, you seem a bit a shock. Are you all right love? » as he said this nickname you thought back of every little memory you could encounter where it was the two of you and if you just misread the signs. Obviously you had misread them. You tried to hold the tears in and gave him a weak smile. You walked towards the car where she was already seated in the front seat. You climbed in the back of the car. It was a first for you and you might be a tad too dramatic but you had never ride in the backseat of Shawn’s car. He knew you were getting sick quite quickly in the back of a car. He had always made the boys riding in the backseat when you were there. Another misread signals. You sigh before really taking a good look at her. Of course she was gorgeous. Not gorgeous in the cute neighbor style no she was gorgeous like she came out of a red carpet event. Her smile was so bright she could light up a whole room, hell even the whole building.     

You tried making small talk during the car ride but the two of them were completely infatuated with each other and they were giggling leaving you out of the jokes, they were talking about people you didn’t know and whatever progress Shawn had made in the studio that week. You didn’t even knew he was back in the studio. The cracks in the imagined relationship you had built started to appear. You finally got out of the car and made your way towards the restaurant. You couldn’t refrain from rolling your eyes at their giggles behind you. He had opened the door for her, caught her as she fell or more faked a small wobble in her walk, everything was a pretext for touching each other. You were getting sick of them and it only has been a fifteen minutes drive. 

The dinner was so long, she did all the efforts she could to not include you in any chat they had. You couldn’t even tell if she was nice or not, you haven’t been able to get to know her. The rational part of you was telling you to take it easy, she was maybe thinking that the friendship you had with Shawn could be a threat to her relationship with him. But the other part of you was hurt. You felt that the secret he kept from you just opened wider the wound of him rejecting you. He didn’t feel like he could tell you before quite some time and the oh so great relationship you thought you had with him was just a mirage. You were sure you didn’t imagine the longing touches, the ambiguity between the two of you, the late night conversations. You had talked until the sun was rising on the terrace of his condo. She finally left for the bathroom leaving you and Shawn, alone. You were now worried of staying alone with him. Your feelings felt too much to be with him. 

Sometimes you wanted to punch the niceness out of him. He saw that something was wrong with you. « I can see that there is something bothering you, Y/N. » he said softly. You mumbled something about work thinking it would shut him up. « C’mon, I know you better than that » and that was the sentence that brought you over the tipping edge. 

« Do you Shawn ? Do you really know me better than that? I thought I knew you, apparently I was completely wrong! You didn’t told me that you had a girlfriend ! You didn’t told me you went back to the studio! You didn’t told me anything! And here I am being surprised, emphasis on surprise, with your girlfriend tonight. I feel like a fool! I feel like I was played and I can’t even be mad about it because you never promised anything, but I thought we had something. » you said in almost one breath. You could feel your heart beating against your ribcage, threatening to come out as you spilled your feelings. As much as you tried to suppress the tears, one single rounded tear descended the side of your cheek. « I didn’t knew you felt like that Y/N. I’m so sorry, I guess. » he didn’t know what to do with himself. He was starring at you, not knowing if touching you would make it better or worse. Inside his head was a mess, he didn’t knew what to think anymore. He thought he liked the girl touching her make up in the bathroom, but seeing you like that pulled at his heartstring. He was confused and the glasses of wine didn’t not help him to understand what was happening. 

As you look at her coming back from the bathroom, you also got up. « I never stood a chance, did I? » you asked without expecting an answer. The night didn’t turn out as you had planned

[princecharmingmendes]

I thought of domestic Raul coz I just bought a new duvet cover and it just feels so good to be in bed just domestic Raul buying a new set of bedding and both of you losing your adulting minds at how good it feels

hi babes, i’m super late but here I am now! hopefully you like it!

*Word Count: 600+

*Warnings: just a whole lot of fluff

-*-

Coming home from work after a long day always feels fantastic.

So as soon as Y/N stepped foot into her apartment, she dropped her shoes and her bag by the door and moved to her shared room with her boyfriend so she could shower, Raul would probably arriving in a couple of minutes and she was already planning how she’d convince him to order take out instead of both of them cooking dinner. While under the warm water, she heard the front door opening and Raul’s voice was quick to follow.

“Darling? I’m home” he called from the living room.

“I’m in here” she was quick to reply as she hear shuffling just outside the bathroom door.

“What do you think about ordering italian?” he offered and a grin was quick to spread on her lips.

“The best idea you’ve had in your life”

With that he only chuckled and mumbled an “okay”

Y/N found weird the fact that Raul didn’t even try to pry the door open to throw a flirty comment at her, or join her or simply sit on the floor to talk about his day, but maybe he was just extra tired so she just ignored it in favor of finishing her shower so she could move to the living room to watch a movie or something.

Just as she was ready, she opened the door to their room only to find their bedding all over the floor as Raul added the finishing touches to their bed. Y/N just stood there in shock at the scene unfolding before her. Raul was spreading new sheets, a white heavy duvet and a soft fuzzy blanket on top of their huge bed, new candles lit up aligning their TV stand on the bedroom as he arranged the pillows back in place.

“What’s going on?” she was able to ask a few moments after letting the whole think sink in.

“Oh, hey you” he said with a big grin on his face as he turned to wrap an arm around her waist and place a peck on her lips “looking gorgeous, darling” he said with a smile.

“What did you do?” she said as she wrapped his arms around his narrow waist.

Raul only smiled at her “I went with Peter so he could buy new sheets since he only had his old ones from college, and they made me buy this”

“They made you buy this?!” she asked trying to hold back a laugh.

Raul shrugged with a lopsided grin “well, they showed me how soft these were and I was convinced, come try this babe, it’s unreal”

“Honey, no, we need to do the laundry and have dinner, come on” she said letting go of him to grab his hand in favor of trying to pull him away from the bedroom.

“Five minutes and I promise I’ll go with you” he promised and after a couple of seconds of staring at his pouting lips and she couldn’t say no to him, so as soon as Raul didn’t feel as much resistance, he pulled her to lay on their bed on the new bedding and Y/N sighed in relief as she was engulfed by the softest sheets she’s ever felt against her skin. He pulled her on top of him before wrapping her in a tight yet comforting hug. The constant thump of his heart relaxing her sore muscles and slowly making her realize how tired she actually was. She fought her best to stay awake, but as soon as Raul cared his fingers through her hair, her eyes slowly starting shutting closed.

“Darling? Are you falling asleep? We need to eat first” he said in the softest voice.

“Hmm five more minutes” she mumbled softly, nuzzling on his chest and he chuckled gently.

“Whatever you want, my love”

And I-

[getawaycares]

help me pleaseee. i’ve been looking for a fic i read months ago and was so invested. it went like this: shawn is on tour and broke up with his girlfriends (y/n) bc his friends told him so. at first he was happy being single and free but he truly misses her, there's something about him seeing a note she packed in his suitcase also. when tour is over (or on a break, idk) he goes to her house and sees her with a guy (that shawn knew from tour i think? a photographer? i truly can’t remember). PLEASEE if u know this send me a link i really wanna read it again

[wholesomemendes]

Omg congrats on 1k🥳🥳 concept- a blurb about love languages and like ur guys styles are diff lil angst pls heheheh

Author's Note: Hiiiiiii. How are you lovies? I know you probably all hate me cause I just disappeared but hopefully this will kinda make up for it for those of you who are actually still here. Fun fact never used the queue before so we'll see how that goes. Also I vaguely remember the read more thing not working that well with asks, but I don't remember what I used to do to fix that so hopefully this works. Love all of you and miss you *mwah* please interact with me so I get more motivation lol

The second the door shuts to the condo you share with your love, you can already hear his unmistakable voice call out for you, “Baby, come here! I have a surprise for you!” You roll your eyes, knowing that some insanely expensive gift was probably waiting for you around that corner. Shawn wasn’t the type to randomly spend a large portion of his money on things he didn’t need, but when it came to you, there was no limit to his spending. Anytime he saw something that reminded him of you or that he thought you’d look stunning in, he couldn’t stop himself from swiping his card. It wasn’t like you didn’t appreciate the copious amount of gifts he gave you; you knew he meant well and that one of his love languages was giving gifts. However, as someone who was raised to be independent and not accept “handouts” from anyone, you found it hard to be constantly given things you didn’t work for and you didn’t believe you deserved yet. You didn’t find it fair that you weren’t at that stage in your life where you could gift Shawn something as expensive as what he gives you, but you constantly get those things from him. It wouldn’t have phased you as much if it was just for holidays, but this was an almost every other day occurrence and no matter how many times you told him not to buy things for you, he never seemed to listen.

You sighed, putting your purse on the table and making your way towards the bedroom, desperately wishing you could just relax into a warm bath after your hard day at work instead of facing whatever your loving boyfriend had in store for you. Opening the door you were met with Shawn’s smiling face, a large box with the word Gucci written in bold lettering across it. You put on a fake smile as your heart sank. This couldn’t be what you thought it was could it? “Hey,” he put the box next to him in favor of pulling you onto his lap, “How was work today?” He pressed a sweet kiss to your lips and for a moment, you let yourself get pulled into the utter bliss that was Shawn Mendes.

“I won’t lie, not the greatest,” you sighed as you rested your head on his shoulder.

“Why, what happened?” he asked, his arm tightening around you to pull you closer.

“It was just insane today and my boss was in a bad mood and...I don’t know it was just bad and I’m exhausted.”

“Well, I think I have something that might cheer you up!”

“Shawn…,” you said in a mix of a whine and a stern tone, “I told you no more.”

“I know, I know,” he rushed out, placing the box in your hands, “I just want to spoil my girl. I can afford to do so and there’s no one else that deserves it more than you do.” It hurt your heart to hear him talk like that when not a single part of you felt you deserved it. You were nowhere close to where you wanted to be in your life career wise and you certainly weren’t near Shawn’s level of success. “Just open it, please?” he gave you his softest puppy dog eyes that always made you cave.

“Ok…” Opening up the box your heart stopped. There lying in the delicate paper was one of the most beautiful handbags you had ever seen; the one you had secretly been saving up for for almost a year now. You thought you had hid it from him so well, always looking at it when he wasn’t there to make sure you could still get it, and even putting together a small envelope of extra money to use towards it. This was supposed to be your first big designer purchase in honor of your huge promotion at work a little under a year ago today, but of course Shawn had to go and ruin it all for you.

Meanwhile, Shawn was oblivious to the disappointment and resentment brewing inside of you. “Do you like it?” he asked with the biggest smile, “I noticed the tab open on your computer last week when I borrowed it for those pictures and thought you liked it!”

“Why would you do this?” you whispered, a crack forming in your voice.

“What?”

“Why would you do this?” you almost snapped at him, looking at him with tears that held mixed emotions.

“B- because I love you,” he stammered, not having prepared to have this reaction. In his head you were going to come home, see the gift, smother him in thank you kisses, and maybe, just maybe, you would make love to him for the rest of the night. Never in his wildest dreams did it end up like this.

“If you loved me you would have listened to me and not bought this, or anything for that matter!” you exclaimed as you stood up off his lap, “I’ve told you so many times I don’t want you buying anything for me but you never listen!”

“I- I’m sorry, I just thought…”

“No that’s the thing, you didn’t think! I just- god, Shawn, this was it, the one thing I was going to do for myself after all these years. I was only $100 away from my goal, I was right there! But you can’t just think with your head for one second and think about how your girlfriend who always tells you that you don’t need to buy things for her might be planning on finally achieving one of her goals of having enough money to spend it on something like this!”

If your eyes weren’t filled with tears and you weren’t so blinded by your emotions you might have been able to see Shawn’s heart visibly breaking on the bed, leaving him looking like a hurt puppy. “I’m so sorry, I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I’ll, I’ll return the bag or or you can pay me back for it so it’s like you bought it yourself!”

“You don’t understand because you’ve never had any problems with money. It’s not the same anymore, Shawn. No matter what, all I’ll be reminded of is that you bought it first and not me.”

“What can I do? I, I swear I’ll do anything,” his voice cracked as his own tears filled his eyes.

“I don’t, I don’t know. I need to go.” You knew you were being dramatic, but after 2 years of the same thing with Shawn over and over again you had reached your breaking point.

“No please, I’ll fix this I promise,” he pleaded, standing up to face you.

You successfully avoided him so you could grab a small bag with your things, “Shawn, I need space for at least one night.”

He reached out for you this time, his large hand grabbing your arm desperately to turn you around, “Please, don’t go. I won’t buy you anything else, I swear!”

“It’s not that I just, I don’t know. I’m upset and I’m tired and my head is all over the place and…” His large hands cupped your jaw and pressed his lips hard against yours, giving you no space to pull away. The slight taste of salt from both of your tears on your lips broke your heart more than it was before. It was hard to explain why you weren’t fighting him on this kiss; it was almost as if he was kissing you so that it was easier to let you go for the night.

His lips released yours reluctantly with a sigh, “I’ll pack my things for the night. You stay here.”

“Shawn…”

“No, I was the one who messed up so I should be the one who has to leave. I still have a backpack I never unpacked from when I got back from LA last week and I can stay with my parents for however long you want. I- ,” he looked down shamefully, his hands finally dropping from your face. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to make you happy, but I wasn’t even thinking of what would really make you happy. Just, just tell me when you’re ready for me to come back home.”

He made his way through the bedroom, grabbing his phone, wallet, backpack and guitar before making his way through the door. Your heart cried out to go after your love, but your feet stayed planted almost in shock of everything that just happened. You were still mad at him, upset with him, and if it was possible, even more upset and mad at yourself. So as much as you wanted to run after him, you let him walk away with half your heart in his hands.

____________________________

“Mom?” you sniffled as you sat on the edge of your bed, the infamous handbag discarded next to you as if it was taunting you.

“Oh honey, what’s wrong?” the soft voice of your mother filled the speaker.

“I messed up,” you confessed, “I really messed up and I don’t...I don’t…”

“Take a deep breath, dear, and tell me what happened. I’m sure it can be fixed.”

“I don’t know if it can. I’m a horrible person!”

“You are not a horrible person. Now tell me exactly what happened.”

She listed carefully as a mother does while you went through moment through moment of your lash out with Shawn, up until the point where he left. “I feel terrible, Mom. This was just the one thing I had planned to do for myself and he never took into account how I would feel about this even though I constantly tell him how I feel about gift giving.”

“Sweetheart, I know you so badly want to be an independent woman and there’s nothing wrong with that. But you’re in a relationship now which means not everything you do can be independent. Think about it from his point of view: all of these things he gets you he gets out of love. He doesn’t do it because he wants you to rely on him for money, he knows you’re not with him for that and it’s probably one of the reasons he loves you so much; you treat him like a regular person. Not someone who is just a pretty face that can buy you whatever you want and get you fame. However, he is someone with money and that means he can afford these things for you. It’s not to belittle any of your accomplishments in your career or financially because we both know how supportive he is of you. It’s simply because he wants to show you he’s thinking about you and spoil you to make you happy. I know gifts aren’t one of your main love languages, but it’s definitely one of his. I bet if you had told him about this bag and how much it meant to you instead of hiding it from him, he would have never dreamed of taking it away from you. I understand your immediate frustration, but maybe think about if you’re truly upset with him about this or if you’re upset with yourself for not being able to reciprocate.”

“You’re right, Mom.”

“Of course I’m right, I’m your mother!” she let out a light hearted laugh, “But seriously, go apologize to that boy. He’s probably beating himself up over this.”

____________________________

“Are you and Dad home right now?”

“Yes, why is something wrong?”

“Can’t I just be coming over to say hello?”

“Of course you can, but I can tell by your voice that something is wrong.”

A sad smile formed on his face at the fact that even over a car speaker, his mom was still able to read him like a book. “Y/n and I got into a fight.”

“Oh no,” his mother gasped, never hearing many difficulties between the two, “What happened?”

“It’s my fault, Mom, I was being selfish,” he replied defeated, his guilty heart weighing down on him, “You know how I love to give gifts right? Well, Y/n isn’t always the biggest fan of it because she loves being independent. But I can’t help it! She’s the first person who hasn’t been overjoyed over every gift I give her and I never understand because I just want her to be happy and I know they’re things she would like so...I just don’t think! I don’t know why I can’t take a hint and just do what she wants me to do! I just want to make her happy, Mom, and feel loved and all I’ve done is annoy her and upset her!”

“Ok, before you keep going on this self-deprecated spiral, I need you to tell me what happened. And no more blaming yourself until I’ve heard everything.” So he did. And just like the conversation unfolding back at his home, his own mother listened to every word he had to say.

“From my understanding,” she began, “And I’m not saying this to try to defend you, but it sounds like she is battling some problems of her own.”

“No, you don’t understand, I wasn’t listening to her…”

“Oh will you hush! I wasn’t finished. Could you lay off the gifts and make them every once in a while? Of course. However, I believe her outburst today had something to do with some financial conflicts she is facing and maybe just an overall bad mood. You’re not perfect, obviously you need to tone down the gifts just a little bit, but you were definitely not in the full wrong here. There was no way she could have expected you to know about her intentions and plans so you can’t blame that on yourself. She definitely felt that she had to hide it from you in fear that you wouldn’t listen, which might be another issue if she believes that you aren’t willing to budge on your point of view. But you should not go beating yourself up over this! She’ll come around to her senses and you two will be fine.”

“Thank you, Mom. I hope so, I miss her already,” Shawn pouted, wishing so desperately that he was driving back home instead of away from it.

“Of course. Now I’ll make sure your room is all ready for whenever you get here and I’ll stay up to give you a big hug. How does that sound?”

“Amazing, I’ll be there in…” the sight of your name popping up on his center console broke him from his thoughts, “Wait, Mom, she’s calling me. I’ll call you back.”

“Good luck honey!”

With shaky hands, he hit answer on the phone, “Shawn?”

Even just hearing his name out of your mouth brought him comfort, “Yes? Are you ok? Did something happen?”

“No, I’m fine. I mean I’m not fine, but physically I’m fine. Anyways, I’m going to ramble so I’ll just try to say this quick before I stray too far away from what I was going to say and before I get myself even more worked up again because who knows how long…”

“Y/n,” he stopped you, knowing you would ramble on forever, “Why did you call me?”

“Please come home.” His heart nearly lept out of his chest at your words, not needing to hear anymore. “I’m so sorry, Shawn. I should never have lashed out at you and…”

“Don’t say anything else. I don’t want to do this over the phone. I love you, please don’t apologize and I’ll be home in half an hour.”

“But, Shawn…”

“I love you and I’ll see you soon.” With that he hung up the phone and sped his way back through the Toronto streets to the girl he loved most.

____________________________

The second you heard the door open you ran to launch your body into his arms, abandoning your previous post of walking holes in the floor. He gladly accepted you against him, holding you tight in his arms. “I’m so sorry,” you pleaded, new tears rimming at your eyes, “Please forgive me.”

“Shushh, we both can apologize in a second. I just want to hold you.” Shawn maneuvered the two of you back onto your bed with you in his lap, still clinging onto him for dear life. He felt your tears wetting his shirt and while it broke his heart to know you were

hurting, he hoped that being close to you for these few more moments would show that he wasn’t mad at you. After a couple minutes passed, he loosened his grasp on you, “Y/n look at me.” You did as told, revealing your tearful eyes to him. “I’m not mad at you,” he promised as he wiped your tears away, “I’m not upset with you in any way. I forgive you for whatever you feel you need to be forgiven for and I hope you can say the same with me.”

“No, you have nothing to apologize for!” you protested, “You did nothing but try to show me love and make me happy and I’m so sorry I couldn’t look past my own selfish issues. Talking with my mom made me realize that the reason I have always been so apprehensive to receiving your gifts is because I’m not at the point in my career that I thought I would be and I'm letting out my resentment at myself on you. I know how wrong that is of me and I am so sorry for it. There’s nothing wrong with you expressing your love through gifts and I can’t express how sorry I am for making you believe that you were the issue.”

“I forgive you. And I’m sorry, too. I should have talked with you about this and taken into account how you didn’t respond the same way as my friends and family when I give them things and should have taken a step back. I realize my gifts are excessive and I will work to tone them back so they are more special. I love you, Y/n. Even being away from you for an hour after a fight was too much for me to bear.”

“I love you, too. I hated being away from you more than anything.” He kissed your lips passionately, transferring every emotion he had for you into that kiss. Hands caressed your body as yours held him tighter in fear of him disappearing and neither of you wanted to relive this night ever again. “Shawn?” you whispered against his lips, receiving a hum in response, “Thank you for the bag. I can’t wait to tell everyone how my loving and thoughtful boyfriend got it for me.”

“You don’t have to, I can return it.”

“Return it? This is my dream bag and the fact that you wanted to get it for me because you could tell I wanted it means a lot even though I had the absolute worst way of showing it.”

“Stop,” he kissed you again, “I don’t want you to worry about it any longer. Let me just love on you how I had planned tonight.” And while it might not have been the way Shawn had planned the night to go, he was ending it exactly how he wanted to.

[yournameoneverypage]

Rude

Word Count: 820 Warnings: A little angst? A/N: I hadn't expected to get this done so quickly, - I started it earlier tonight, - and I apologize that it's one of my more recent requests and not something I've had for awhile, but when I reread the prompt (which surprisingly I hadn't remembered reading when it first came in), it just sparked and caught. I know it's short, but I hope you still like it. I feel rusty, like it may not be all that good, since I haven't written anything for awhile, so please be kind if you choose to comment.

*❤*

Shawn woke up Saturday morning with butterflies already tumbling in his stomach. It was going to be a big day, and it would be an even bigger night. The kind of night that would make or break the future he had envisioned.

He barely managed to choke down even a small breakfast, but he knew he’d need the sustenance. He didn’t want to pass out on the front stoop.

He showered and shaved. He styled his curls into neat waves, trying to disguise their true length. He had considered getting a haircut, but you liked his hair a bit longer.

He stood in the middle of his walk-in closet, trying to determine what to wear to make the greatest impression, finally deciding on one of his best suits, in blue. He’d read that blue signified serenity or calm, trust, intelligence, and responsibility. He also looked good in blue. Beneath his suit he wore a white button-down. White was often linked to sincerity, simplicity, clarity, and peace.

He knew what he wanted. In all sincerity, he had never been more clear.

///

Shawn was on his way, probably driving a little too fast, he realized. Trust, responsibility, he thought to himself. You also need to get there in one piece. He eased up on the gas as he drew closer and closer to his destination. He also began a breathing technique to try to lower his heart rate and another to bolster his confidence.

Too soon he was standing at the door, metaphorically holding his heart in his hand. He knocked briefly in the rhythm of the literal heart in his chest.

“Shawn,” your father greeted when the door opened. “Where’s my princess?”

“I’m here alone, Sir.” He took a deep breath. “I have a question to ask you. Man to man.”

Shawn waited to be invited inside. When he wasn’t, when your father only raised one eyebrow, he nervously rubbed his palms against the fabric of his thighs.

He drew another deep breath. Fine. He'll do it right here then. “I love your daughter. She is the most important person in my life. I will put her above all else. Always. And tonight, I’d like to propose. I’m here to ask for your blessing.”

Your father folded his arms across his chest, grunted, and said, gruffly, "You won’t get it. The answer is no."

Shawn’s heart plummeted and his head began to swim. He thought your father had always liked him, so this was surprising, to say the least. 

He respected your father, but that was an unacceptable response. He stood straighter. He had been folded in on himself, if only slightly, so as not to seem overly imposing. He was taller and wider than the older man.

He inhaled, his chest expanding, and cleared his throat. “Sir, please. Your blessing is important to y/n, therefore it's important to me. So, respectfully, I’ll ask again. May I have your daughter’s hand in marriage?”

Your father stood taller, squaring his chest. “And again, my answer is no.”

It was no secret that he was antipathetic to Shawn’s lifestyle, and very much disliked that Shawn was sometimes away for long stretches of time, leaving his daughter on her own, but you were a grown woman who chose this life with Shawn, who made her own decisions. And Shawn had never, nor would he ever hurt or mistreat you. He was loving and loyal to a fault and thoroughly, wildly in love with you.

“I can’t live without her,” Shawn stated, matter of factly. “I won’t. I’m going to marry her, with or without your approval. This is simply a formality. She’ll say ‘yes’ because she loves me and she knows our life together will be filled with affection, and adventure, and happiness, and undying devotion.

“I love her. She loves me. And she loves you. I’d like to see you walk your daughter down the aisle, and place her hand in mine at the altar. I think you know, deep in your heart, that if you make her choose between us, she’ll choose me. I don't want her to ever have to make that choice. I want you in her life, and in the lives of our future children.

“So, I hope you will strongly reconsider.”

Shawn exhaled, gave a sharp nod in goodbye, turned, and walked away from his future father-in-law. He opened his car door and slid in behind the wheel. He sat there for a few minutes, simply breathing until he was calm enough to drive safely.

He finally turned the key in the ignition, but before he could put the car into gear, there was a sharp knock on his window.

He rolled it down and earnestly met your father’s eyes.

Your father sighed. “Alright, Son. Alright.” He placed his hand on Shawn’s shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. “You have my blessing. Don’t make me regret it.”

///

@mendesblurb @benito-mi-vida @monikamendes @mendesficsxbombay @hiding-behind-a-flower @silverswallow @chocochipcookie305 @misti-ka @fallinallinshawn @pamelagramm

(Has anyone else requested to be on my taglist that I may have missed?)

[mendesblurb]

Aftertaste

Shawn Mendes x female reader

Warning: smut & fluff, maybe grammar error and maybe some punctuation errors.

Note: Credits to @swiftmendeshoran for the literal idea & @chocochipcookie305 for asking me to write something, thank you guys love you both ♥️. Happy reading this plotless story people! Feedback and comments will always be appreciated. Love you all!

It felt like forever since he’d last enjoyed some vacation and basketball session with his friends. Shawn felt glad that he managed to spend a few minutes working up a good sweat before deciding to take a little break.

The boys were busy playing basketball while you and Meghan were just tanning on the side of the nearby pool watching them from afar.

Shawn whipped out his phone out of his pocket to take a look at the pictures Connor took. He was dripping with sweat, as he viewed the few pictures before bringing up your number and attaching his favourite photo with the text.

Text message

Shawn: So, what do you think?

You: My boyfriend is so hot 🥵😏

Shawn: 😛

You: where are you off to now?

Shawn: We got like 10 minutes of break, so I’m on my way to the bathroom. Why?

Shawn: Y/N?

Shawn: Baby you there?

Shawn: 🥺

Shawn: Baby?

“There she is,” he mutters, the minute his eyes fly up to view your reflection in the bathroom mirror and you move up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist.

Shawn laughs softly as you smooth your palms over his broad chest and bring your lips down to kiss the back of his neck, “Your fault baby for sending me that thirst trap photo,” you purr into his ear, “You can’t expect me to just continue what I was doing earlier and not explore this gorgeous body of yours, especially after seeing that picture.”

Shawn didn’t expect this would ever happen.

None whatsoever.

Shawn chuckles as he turns to face you. “I just can’t believe we’re actually doing this here!”

“Please, let me make you feel good, baby.” You playfully pleaded with him.

“How can I ever say no to that face?” He chuckles as you pushed him up against the sink, “I want you so fucking bad too.” He assured you, leaning in to kiss you. He melted into the kiss, letting you take the lead, feeling your hands running all over his body.

Your lips worked against his as you moved your hands up and around his neck. His hands began tracing over your body lightly before he pulled away, “Shawnnnn,” you whined.

“But, what if someone walks in?” Shawn asks, his hands resting on your hips.

You instinctively lift your head away from his body with a pout, before looking around the room. Your gaze stops on a yellow ‘slippery when wet’ floor sign standing near the wall.

Grinning mischievously, you pick up the sign and open the door quietly. Surveying the empty hall, you quickly position the sign outside of the door.

Leaning back on the door to lock it, you bite your lip and run your gaze over his body again.

“Where was I?” you murmur playfully.

Shawn smiles widely and proudly points a finger to himself.

A cheeky smile plastered on your lips as you made your way back to him, taking time to worship his body. Your mouth deftly tugs and sucks at his ears, jawline, and neck, leaving a hot trail that makes him shudder. You then trace his collarbone with kisses before directing your attention to his chest.

His eyes followed your every move as you began to leave kisses all over him. He grunted slightly at your movement. Your fingers move up, to slide along the back of his neck, guiding his lips to yours and kiss him, “Please, Y/N” You heard him beg. You smiled slightly, loving that he was so weak at this moment.

“Patience, Mendes.” You smirk as you slip your hand into his boxers, his eyes fall shut and his jaw clenched tight, a groan rumbling in his chest as you wrap your hand around his length. He’s already half hard and he only grows harder as you pump and trace your hand over it. Pressing your other free hand to his chest, you press him more backward until his butt gently hits the sink again.

“Second round in five minutes shawn, the break is almost over.”

“You got five minutes Y/N, better make it count.” He whispered, ignoring Connor who was growing impatient by the second just outside the door.

“I’m always up for a challenge.” You whisper back.

“Y/N,” he groans softly, eyes blown with lust as you drop to your knees before him, hooking your fingers into his pants and boxers and pulling them down as you go. “Is this alright?” you ask him, placing soft kisses against his length.

“I know you’re in there, Shawn!” Connor yelled again.

“Keep going baby,” Shawn whispers, his hips moving towards you in shallow thrusts. His hands reach down, “Please no more teasing…baby..please,” he whimpers as his fingers begin fisting in your hair.

“You better not be doing what I think you’re doing in there Shawn, I swear to God—”

Looking up at him through your lashes, you watch the way his chest heaves as you tease him, the way his expression changes as you take his tip between your lips. His breath hitches and his hips buck forward as you suck. Shawn continues to grunts and groans as you take more and more of him into your mouth, wrapping your hand around what you can’t fit. “Y/N, baby,” He groans, his voice rough.

You hum around him as you begin bobbing your head. Pressing your free hand to his hip, you hold him back against the sink, preventing him from thrusting and thus giving you more control.

“I hear you, Connor. I’ll be there in a second man.” Shawn cuts him off, before he hips throbs against your tongue, feeling the near of his release and it isn’t long before he curses, “Fuck, Y/N, oh fuck!” He groans while you work him slowly through his high. You continued moving your mouth in and out of him, until you could feel his warmth spill out into you, and ultimately slow down your pace when he reached his full peak.

When his breathing begins to recover and returns to normal, you pull off of him, leaving one last lick against for good measure. “Sorry, I just couldn’t keep my hands to myself.” You say innocently, looking up at him from where you kneel on the floor, “Or your lips for that matter.” Shawn chuckles as he extends a hand to you, helping you from the floor.

“But, honestly,” Shawn continues as he pulls you closer to him, “I should probably send you pictures more often.”

“You better.” You said, tracing a finger over his torso before helping him put his pants back up and together the two of you made your way out of the bathroom.

Thank you for reading guys... feel free to like, reblog, follow my account, leave a comment and my chat is always open for random chats or requests... appreciate every single one of you... ❤️

Taglist (open) : @monikamendes @holland-styles @bvttercupbby @lonelyreputation @badreputationlove @shawn-is-my-giant-jellybean @benito-mi-vida @swiftmendeshoran @yournameoneverypage @shawn-is-bruh @mendesbhraanth @perfectlywrongsm @imaginashawnn @smendes-forever @nervousmendes @whenyoureadyholland @shawn-youth @myboyshawn @camilalewiss @camilalewisss @theregoesmyherojd @nanijaac1 @shawnieeboyy @silverswallow @inlovewithmendes @mendeslol @mendesx123 @23kofmendes @jellyloml @chipofmendes @poohmendes @wutheringmendes @shawnmendesbuddy​ @chocochipcookie305

Story code: 01022297

[buck-nialled]

28 with Raul? Pleaseeeee thank you

NOTE: it’s my pleasure anon! thanks for the submission! send me a number and i’ll write a blurb on it!

TAGLIST: @fedorable-killjoys @particularnarry @swiftmendeshoran @5-seconds-of-mendes

28. Who would attempt carrying all the grocery bags in by themselves because “two trips are for the WEAK”?

Weak - R. Mendes Blurb

“Don’t worry, I got the rest of ’em.” You announce through continuous huffs. Raul’s head pokes out of the fridge he was currently organizing to make room for the groceries you two were supposed to carry in together. But from your latest sentence and the sight of twenty pounds of grocery bags lining your arms, Raul knew the first part of the job was finished.

“Buttercup, my god…” he gazes at you in awe as you try not to stumble towards the counter. The newly added weight definitely made walking a challenge, but you were determined not to let the ache in your arms and cramping fingers be displayed as your lips remain curved up into a smile. It wasn’t difficult to keep a smile on with Raul beside you, anyway.

“You could’ve taken two trips.” He points, only receiving a roll of your eyes.

“Two trips are for the weak.” Your voice came out slightly strained as you lifted your arms high enough to set down the multitude of bags onto the counter. You hear Raul scoff and know he was shaking his head in disbelief.

“So now that I know you’re capable of lifting twenty pounds, how about joining me at the gym tomorrow?”

His ask only elicits giggles from you as you stride up towards him and deliver a few firm pats to his chest. “Nice try, Mendes. You know I don’t do that kind of lifting.”

He only smirks, staring down at you. “Worth a shot.”

[milo-manheim-luver]

who’s ready for the prequel to “Fourth of July”?! Anybody???? because it’s coming…. very soon!

[lonelyreputation]

'tis the damn season (college au)

A/N: Hello!! I’m back with some holiday angst 💥 It’s been a busy holiday season for me, but we made it!! I hope you all have had a lovely December so far!! I’d love to hear your thoughts!!! Thanks a million million for all your support!! ✨🎄⌛️🍫☕️

Prompt: You’re back in Canada for the Holidays after leaving for California three and a half years ago. And while you’re home, you run into your ex-boyfriend––Shawn––and things get…Complicated. 

(heavily inspired by ‘tis the damn season by Taylor Swift)

MASTERLIST | LET’S CHAT 🥂

Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, Allusion to Sex (no smut directly written) // WC: 12.6K // Angst & Fluff 

A gust of wind hit your face like a hundred needles pricking your cheeks. The frigidness of the dry air caused you to shut your eyes tight and sniffle.

It was the first week of December, and the temperature was just a little below freezing as you walked around an outdoor market that was decorated for the Holidays. Bright string lights were wound around the trees; with even more lights zig-zagging from the tops of them, that mimicked stars in the night sky. 

The Christmas music that played above the shops through speakers sounded more like a quiet hum beneath people chattering and hurrying off to the next shop. And there was the occasional cry of a child when their parents told them they couldn’t get the specific toy they wanted.

Even if a person didn’t celebrate Christmas, it definitely would put them in a festive mood.

“A little cold?” Your friend–Tara–bumped your shoulder with a chuckle.

You glared at her, shoving one of your mitten clad hands further into your jacket pocket. Unfortunately your other hand was preoccupied by holding onto a bag full of Holiday presents.

“It’s too cold.”

You could see Tara’s breath when she tipped her head back and laughed, “That’s what happens when you leave for California and have only been back three times since you left.”

At her comment, you shrugged your shoulders. She wasn’t wrong, and her tone was more lighthearted than malicious, but you still felt a pang of guilt. You left the quiet town of Pickering for the booming city of Los Angeles for university. And in the three and a half years you’ve been at university, you’ve only been back home three times.

Whenever you did come back home, it was kept to a week––or shorter––and you solely only saw your family and Tara. But your mother convinced you that it would be nice to have you home for a majority of the holiday break. So that’s how you found yourself back in Canada, when you could’ve been basking in the warmth of the sun in California.

“Any other plans for when you’re home?” Tara asked as she steered the two of you over to look at the front windows of a shop.

You rolled your eyes, “Just sitting on the couch.”

“There’s no one else you want to see?”

The undertone of her quick response was not lost on you. You glared at her, “You know I only see you and my family whenever I come back.”

“But you’re never back,” Tara tore her attention away from gazing at the shoes that were way too expensive for either of you to buy. Her eyes were slightly larger than normal and her lips tugged slightly into a frown, “I bet there are some people who would want to reconnect.”

You let out a bitter laugh and shook your head, “Not with how I left things.”

“Y/n––”

“If I wanted to know who you were hanging out with while I was gone,” You said with a bit of edge to your tone, because you knew while she mentioned how there were multiple people who wanted to reconnect…You knew she was specifically talking about one person, “I would’ve asked.”

Tara was silent as she confidently held your stare. It was as if she was trying to convince you that he would want to reconnect.

But there was a reason you kept your visits to Canada so short.

You knew Tara still talked to him––You knew she was still friends with him. How could she not? He was intertwined with your high school friend group. And you weren’t mad at her for still keeping contact with him, you didn’t have a right to tell her who she could and couldn’t be friends with…But you were fairly certain he never wanted to speak to you again.

You were the first to break eye contact and look down at the ground before looking over her shoulder to see a small stand for hot chocolate, “I’m getting a hot chocolate, do you want anything?”

Tara shook her head with a small smile, “I’m all good. Think I’m going to take a peak in this store.”

Without another word, you nodded and swiftly walked past her and toward the stand. There was another gust of wind that blew into your face. It was a kind of cold that fogs up windshield glass, when you passed a group of people who looked to be around your age.

You wiggled your nose from the cold air and didn’t pay any mind to them.

The line was longer than you thought, but you would wait in the cold if it meant avoiding Tara’s innuendos of meeting up with a certain someone. You bounced your leg to keep your blood circulating, but when you heard a little kid yell about someone cutting in line, you stopped and leaned your upper body to the side.

Everyone always got a little temperamental when they were freezing, especially little kids. But the parent hushed the child and everyone in line went back to minding their own business.

You dug around your pocket for some cash when you noticed you were a few people away from the front of the line. When it was your turn, you held out a few dollars for the cheap hot chocolate. But the cashier, whose elf hat jingled when they shook their head no, just handed you the white styrofoam cup.

“Someone covered your drink.”

You knitted your eyebrows together, “What?”

He kept his unamused facial expression as he nodded somewhere behind your shoulder, “He cut in line and said he had to pay for your drink.”  

Taking the steaming cup from him, you felt your hands defrost from under your mittens as you nodded slowly, “Thanks…”

The cashier barely lifted their lips up in a smile at your response and was soon helping the couple behind you.

You took a single sip of the hot chocolate, letting out a content sigh as it warmed up your insides, when you turned around to thank the person who paid for your drink.

But when you turned around on your heel and saw the person who paid for your drink already staring at you…Your face fell. The hot chocolate you held in your hands no longer provided warmth. And you wanted to run all the way back to California.

It felt as if the cold air had frozen your feet to the pavement.

Last minute shoppers hastily walked around you, sometimes with their bags of presents clashing against your side, but they didn’t offer you an apology like you didn’t offer one for standing in their way. You assumed your face was just as blank as his.

The last time you saw him was a few days before you left for Los Angeles about three and a half years ago.

As if it was any more possible, he was taller and seemed more muscular. And while his hair was tucked under a beanie, you could tell that it had grown a little longer. No matter what season it was, his cheeks still held their rosy color, and even though he looked at you with a hint of indifference…His brown eyes were still as comforting as ever.

Noticing that you weren’t going to move, you saw his breath through the cold air as he let out a deep sigh. And with his own white styrofoam cup of steaming hot chocolate, he walked toward you.

Your heart gradually fell further and further in your chest with each step he took. And when he was standing in front of you, it felt as if you couldn’t breathe.

Both of you stood still, and while he kept his stare on your eyes, you couldn't help but wildly look around the little Christmas village. The hum of Christmas music and families chattering as they walked to their destination was drowned out by the ringing in your ears until he spoke.

“Long time no see.”

His tone of voice was as emotionless as his face.

“Hi––Hey.” You breathed out and held up the styrofoam cup, “Um…Thanks for the hot chocolate.”

He nodded and took a sip of his own drink, “No problem.”

This was not how you expected seeing Shawn again for the first time since the two of you broke up. In fact, you never really planned on seeing him again since that disaster. Just standing in front of him in absolute silence was only causing your chest to tighten with anxiety.

“I––Uh,” you didn’t know what to say. He was looking at you like he expected you to say something profound; or some sort of apology. You avoided his stare as you took a sip of your hot chocolate and coughed into the crook of your elbow, “I can pay you back.”

Shawn didn’t miss a beat, “That’d defeat the whole purpose.”

“Purpose of what?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“To talk to you.”

His responses were instantaneous; it felt as if he planned out this whole conversation in his head prior to buying your hot chocolate.

You let out a shaky breath, “Well…We’re talking.” Shawn closed his eyes in irritation and this was exactly why you didn’t plan on seeing him when you were back home. “Do you have venmo? We could call it even––”

“Are you busy tonight?”

Your eyes shot wide open at his question. Busy tonight? Of course you weren’t; your only plans were to watch cringe worthy Christmas movies on Netflix curled up on the couch. Maybe have a bit of eggnog and wishing you were back in California.

Shawn Mendes was nowhere in your holiday plans, and even though spending one-on-one time with him terrified you…You felt yourself rearranging all of your plans to fit him in exactly like you had done when you were seventeen.

You gulped, “What…What do you have in mind?”

A slight smile tugged at the corners of his lips, and you immediately felt yourself smile as well, “Just to talk.” You nodded your head until he offered up more information. He sniffled his nose, “I have my own place in Toronto now––”

“So why are you in Pickering?”

Whether he was bothered that you cut him off or not, he didn’t show it. He just took a sip of his hot chocolate as another cold breeze came through. He brought his index finger and thumb up to run the corners of his eyes before answering, “Christmas shopping with my friends.”

My friends.

The offhanded way he said it made it seem as if he didn’t consider you a friend anymore.

You peaked behind his shoulder and saw that the group of people you passed on your way to get hot chocolate was in fact a small group of people you went to high school went. You caught the eye of Brian, one of Shawn’s best friends that wormed his way into your life when you started dating, and offered him a small smile. He didn’t return it.

You nodded your head, understanding that Brian definitely still held ill feelings toward you. Instead of focusing on the negative, you brought your attention back to Shawn, who was surprising you with how…nice he was being.

“I don’t have any plans.”

As if he expected you to blow him off, his eyes widened in shock the same moment his mouth dropped. You let out a small laugh, thinking how you probably looked the same way when he asked if you had any plans.

Shawn cleared his throat, “Nice––I––Like I said, I have my own place in Toronto now.” He shifted his gaze toward the black pavement and let out a nervous breath before he asked his next question, “Do you still have the same number?”

Your voice cracked, “Yeah.”

Slowly, he picked his eyes from off the ground. He looked relieved that you hadn’t changed your number, but you felt hurt deep within your chest thinking that he didn’t have much faith in you. The 905 area code you’ve had since you got your first cell phone was one of the few things that still tied you to your tiny Canadian town.

“I’ll text you my address,” Shawn offered you a tight lipped smile before you both heard his name being called out by a girl. He briefly looked over his shoulder and then turned back to you, smiling, “Tonight.”

You quickly nodded, and didn’t stop nodding until he was slowly backing away from you, “Tonight.” You confirmed the plans back to him.

And this time when he smiled, he showed all his teeth, and it was a smile you recognized. One that traveled all the way up to his squinted eyes that made the corners crinkle. It was the smile you fell in love with at fifteen.

He took a sip of his hot chocolate before he turned his back to you and you saw how he was greeted back into his group of friends. He walked right up next to the girl who called out his name and threw his head back in laughter at something the group said.

You could name almost everyone in that circle; and there was an ache in your chest when you saw Tara make her way out from the laughing friend group and bounce up to you. Of course her life didn’t stop on your account, but you felt a bit crestfallen thinking how that could be you; laughing and smiling with high school friends––pressed up to Shawn’s side––if you didn’t flee away at the first chance you got.

Tara’s cheeks were bright red, but not the type of red from the cold air, they were red from smiling too hard with people she loved. She tried to keep her small laughs at bay, “Ready to continue shopping?”

You blamed the stinging behind your eyes on the cold air that continued to whip through the streets, “Let’s go.”

///

It was nearly ten at night when you parked your mom’s car in the parking garage of Shawn’s apartment complex. The sound of your door closing shut echoed through the nearly empty guest parking spots. With shaking hands, you pulled your phone out to tell Shawn that you arrived at his place. He immediately responded saying he would meet you at the front door.

You shoved your phone into your jacket pocket as you crossed your arms over your chest, hunching your shoulders ever so slightly, hoping it would preserve some body heat. With chattering teeth, you made your way outside the garage and waited outside the front door.

Standing still wasn’t doing you any good in keeping warm, so you decided to walk in a small circle.

And with pacing came overthinking.

What did Shawn want to talk about that couldn’t be said when you saw him at the Holiday shops? You didn’t think that there was anything left to say with how you ended things. When he texted you his address for tonight, it was the first message exchanged between the two of you since the last text he sent you in 2016. And that text made it quite clear about how he felt about you.

Please never speak to me again.

“Y/n?”

You whipped your head up and saw Shawn dressed in gray sweatpants and a soft pink sweatshirt. A sweatshirt you stole from his closet countless times when you were a couple. And while he looked absolutely adorable with his hair tousled, as if he’d just woken up from a nap, the heat from inside the building was the main factor that lured you inside.

“Thank God,” You brushed past him and immediately began to regain feeling in your toes.

Shawn let out a laugh, “Cold?”

You sniffled, “Uh––Yeah. Very cold.”

He shook his head with a small smile, “Well, lucky for you, I have the heat on in my place.”

And you took that as your que to follow him to the elevator. The short walk from the front door to the elevator was silent as Shawn pressed the up button. He rocked back and forth on his heel, something you knew he did when he was nervous.

But why would he be nervous? He obviously knew what he wanted to talk about. You on the other hand…How does a person go from never wanting to speak to someone again to inviting them to their apartment?

The soft ding of the elevator made you jump.

Shawn let out a single chuckle and let you onto the elevator first. You crossed your arms over your chest as Shawn pressed his floor number.

The ride up was also spent in silence.

It wasn’t until the doors slowly opened onto Shawn’s floor that panic began to infiltrate every corner of your mind.

“Do you have roommates?” Your voice came out more high pitched than you intended.

The last thing you needed to deal with was Brian––or some other old high school friend––coldly stare you down as you walked through the door.

Shawn shook his head as he took his keys from out of his pocket and twirled them around his index finger, “I have a studio.”

“Oh,” you squeaked out.

As if he could sense how nervous you were at his answer, he slightly turned his head to look at you; eyebrows raised and a smirk placed on his lips.

The rest of the walk was in silence until Shawn stopped in front of a dark teal door that looked identical to the rest on the floor. The first time he tried to unlock the door, he accidentally put his mailbox key in the lock. He nervously chuckled as he fiddled with his key ring for the correct key. And once he found it with shaky hands, the door clicked and he walked through first.

The walls were an offwhite color, and his furniture was either all navy or black, making the single room more cozy than it probably was intended to be. His bed was pressed up on the far back wall in a corner next to a window. From what you could make out, you saw a few scattered pictures tacked up on the wall next to his bed. Most of them looked like they were from college; but you saw a few high school graduation pictures, prom pictures, and comical spirit day photos.

Even though you and Shawn were connected at the hip during those prominent high school memories…You didn’t see yourself in any of the pictures.

“It’s nothing special,” he shrugged and walked over to his little kitchen area, “Do you want water?”

His question brought you out of the pity party you were throwing for yourself in your head, “That’d be great.”

Shawn opened up one of his cabinets and reached for two glasses. Slowly, you walked up to the little counter and sat on one of the barstools he had. He slid a glass of water over the counter and you smiled in appreciation.

You tapped your fingers around the cold glass, “So…How’ve you––How’s your family?”

You cut yourself short from asking your first question…Unfortunatley, you had a pretty good idea of how he’s been the past few years. So instead, you stayed in neutral territory.

“They’re good,” Shawn took a sip of his water as he leaned his back on the fridge, “How’s your family?”

Like him, you kept your answer short, “They’re fine.”

The pleasantries were weird. You don’t know if you preferred his silence or the awkward short phrases the two of you exchanged. You used to be so entwined with his family, and he with yours, that just hearing that they were “good” made it seem like they were an off limits topic.

Silence.

You took a sip of water.

The water felt extra cold against your dry throat. You set your glass on the counter and folded your hands together, “Still studying architecture?”

At your attempt of trying to continue the small talk, Shawn pushed himself off the fridge and sat on the barstool next to you. Even though you’d spent three and a half years apart, you spent four years together, and he still knew you better than you’d care to admit.

And that meant he knew the exact way to teeter the line of making you slightly uncomfortable, but not enough to send you running away.

Small talk was something you disliked. Silence was something you hated. Feeling unprepared in a situation was something you loathed. And you despised being so close to someone without knowing what to say.

He knew all of that.

Not liking how out of control you felt in the situation you scooted the chair back, “I think I should go––”

You were only able to get off the chair and stand straight up before Shawn’s hand shot out and took hold of your wrist, keeping you in front of him.

His touch burned; it felt hotter than any summer day you spent in L.A., but the familiarity that came with his calloused fingers––from spending hours on end practicing guitar––felt like home.

You stood frozen with his hand keeping you from still. With closed eyes, you took a deep breath in, “Shawn…”  then slowly let it out, “Why did ask me to come over.”

He stayed silent, but the way he slowly let go of your wrist, and trailed his fingertips over the top of your hand right down to your fingertips before he glided his fingertips up to your elbow…It caused all sorts of bells and sirens to go off in your head.

After a few more beats of silence, where Shawn just trailed his fingers up to your elbow and back down to your wrist, he slipped his hand into yours and laced your fingers together. You closed your eyes as he tugged you forward so you were now standing in between his legs.

“This isn’t smart,” you whispered, eyes still shut.

He squeezed your hand once, but you kept your eyes shut and held your breath.

Only when you were drunk off champagne in L.A., droning on and on about your problems––most of them circling back to Shawn––did you let yourself imagine what it would be like to hold his hand again. To be in this position again. One that you found yourself in plenty of times in high school.

“Y/n…” His voice softly carried your name through the silent studio apartment.

He squeezed your hand again.

You knew that once you opened your eyes that you would give in to anything he wanted. There was only a miniscule part of the rational side of your mind holding out. But when he bumped his knee against the side of your thigh, that last part of you that was holding out was consumed by the ever growing desire of wanting the person in front of you.

You snapped your eyes open and were immediately drawn into the sincerity he held in his eyes, “I miss you.”

I miss you too, you wanted to say. But you kept that admittance to yourself.

You gulped, “This––We shouldn’t––” you briefly looked down at your intertwined hands, a sight you didn’t think you’d ever see again, before looking back into his wistful eyes that caused your stomach to twist in knots, “This is a bad idea––”

He tugged you even closer to him where you were almost pressed up against his chest. You placed a hand on his chest, feeling the soft fabric of the sweatshirt. You hoped your hand would add some kind of distance, but at your touch, he closed his eyes and let out a sigh as if he’d been waiting years for this moment.

And maybe he had.

“Babe––”

“Just for the weekend,” you fell into his plea, but cut him off in a strained voice.

There was a time in the past where you thought you would be in this same exact position with Shawn; standing between his legs, holding hands, in an apartment somewhere in Toronto…He squeezed your hand again and you felt a sharp pain in the center of your chest.

This was almost like a scene drawn perfectly out of your imagination, but there was one piece missing.

You lifted your palm from off his chest and twiddled with the strings of his hoodie. You tried your best to ignore the ache in your chest. And you tried your absolute hardest to not concentrate on that missing piece. You bit the inside of your cheek, and blinked away the burn behind your eyes.

The missing piece––that would make this scenario exactly like a scene drawn perfectly out of your imagination––would be if you two were still in love.

But love wasn’t what this situation was about.

“Tis the damn season,” Shawn murmured, and In one swift motion, he used his free hand to cup one of your cheeks before crashing his lips onto yours.

The heat you felt when he had only touched you didn’t hold a fame to how it felt to kiss him again. It felt as if no time had passed, his lips molding right on to yours. His fingers curled around the back of your neck, his thumb slowly caressing your cheek. Keeping his lips connected to yours, he stood up from the stool.

Slightly hunched over, Shawn deepened the kiss as he slowly walked you backward until you felt your back softly come in contact with the wall. With his one hand still holding onto the back of your neck to keep you close, his other hand slowly crept under your sweater.

You shivered under his touch and you felt him smirk against your lips.

“Where’ve you been staying?” Shawn mumbled into your neck as he nipped at the skin there.

You let out a few deep breaths through your nose, you were finding it a bit impossible to think clearly seeing as your train of thought was only focused on Shawn,  “I––” you were cut off by his lips reattaching themselves onto yours.

“I’m staying at––at my parents’ house,” you were able to get out through his rushed kisses.

Shawn hummed as he ground his hips into yours, causing you to whimper in his mouth as you threaded your fingers through his curly hair.

He repeated his movements a few more times as his hand that was cupping your cheek made its way down to your hips. And he let the hand that was under your sweater, trail painstakingly slow down your stomach, until he had both hands holding onto your hips.

He slowed down his kisses, until they were just a few pecks, before he stopped all together and leaned his forehead against yours. You didn’t have to open your eyes to know that his eyes were still closed as well.

He brushed his nose against yours, “And where did you tell them you were going tonight?” You felt his breath fan over your voice.

You breathed in, “Tara’s.”

He pressed a single kiss to your lips, one that was reminiscent of your first kiss underneath the bleachers when you were fourteen, “Does she know you’re here?”

And when you breathed out, you felt your chest touch Shawn’s, “No.”

Shawn hummed in acknowledgement, but you couldn’t tell if he was relieved or sad that you kept your late night rendezvous with him a secret. But before you could ask him if anyone knew you were coming over, you felt one of his hands slide into yours once again and pull you over toward his bed.

For the rest of the night…Every touch, every kiss, every soft spoken word with eyes closed––because with your eyes closed, at least you could pretend that you two were in love––brought you to a higher sensation that you chased all over L.A. to find.

And while Shawn was fast asleep, you laid awake with your head on his bare chest, rising and falling with every one of his even breaths. As you were tangled up in Shawn’s sheets naked, with one of his arms thrown around your shoulder, you realized that the feeling you craved would always lead you back to Shawn and your hometown.

///

Promising Shawn that you would only be together for the weekend was a bold face lie that you should’ve seen coming. That first weekend spent at Shawn’s place led to another weekend. Then the weekends bled into the weekday. And you found yourself sneaking out of your parents house more to meet up with Shawn now than you ever did in high school.

Christmas had come and gone and Shawn was busy around the clock with his family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. He did send you a few texts throughout the day to let you know he was thinking of you, but it wasn’t the same as actually hearing him whisper the same words to you right before you drifted off to sleep next to him.

It was Boxing Day, and with Boxing Day came a tradition for graduates at your high school that you never participated in. You thought it was a bit foolish, high school graduates meeting up in the woods behind the school–that they swore they hated for four years–as they drank and reminisced about the four best years of their lives.

You never participated since you were usually back in California by this time, booking the first flight out of Canada after Christmas. Or it was like your first year at University…Not even bothering to come back to Canada.

You texted Shawn that you parked your car between the Methodist church and the school that used to be yours. As a response, he sent back the emoji with one eye closed with its tongue out. He was the one that convinced you to come out tonight…After he promised that not everyone was still bitter about how you dropped them after you moved to L.A.

Taking the lock and chain off from around the gate, that was never securely locked around the Holiday season, it was easy to sneak in. And you wondered if this was the school’s secret way of encouraging their graduates to come together.

Trudging through the frozen grass, you were still freezing even though you had multiple layers on to keep your body temperature up.

You felt like you were wandering forever, and if it wasn’t for Instagram pictures you’ve seen in past years, you would’ve thought that Shawn was pulling a prank on you. But the further you walked into the woods, you started hearing a few shouts of friends greeting each other with Happy Holidays. And when you got closer, you saw string lights zigzagged from tree to tree.

There were people you recognized and others you didn’t recognize either gathered around keg stands, sitting on tree stumps, or in a small circle of fold up chairs that they provided themselves.

You felt a bit lost, and you took out your phone to text Shawn, but Tara bounced up to you with a red solo cup in each hand.

“I kneeew you’d come,” she drew out the lone vowel in ‘knew’ as you took one of the red solo cups from her and rested a steady hand on her shoulder, “No one belieeeved me that you’d show.”

Tara wasn’t drunk, but you knew that when her speech pattern wavered that she was a little more than tipsy.

“I told you I would be here,” you took a sip of the beer in the cup, “So, here I am.”

Tara raised an eyebrow at you, “But you’re late.”

“I never promised a specific time,” you narrowed your eyes at her as you brought the red cup up for another drink.

If this conversation was going where you thought it was, you would need more than just a few sips to get through it.

“Stop playing dumb,” Tara rolled her eyes, but her voice was soft.  

You hadn’t told her that most of your break had been preoccupied by Shawn. He was one of the major reasons why you hated returning home, so it was a bit ironic that you now looked around for him with anticipation clawing up your stomach.

You continued to play dumb, “I don’t––”

Tara let out a huff, “I know––We all know––That you and Shawn have been attached at the hip.”

The background noise of old high school friends laughing was the exact opposite of how you felt with your best friend. You hadn’t told anyone that you were spending time with Shawn. And you were pretty positive he hadn’t told anyone either.

“That’s not true.”

Were you attached at the hip with Shawn since you returned to Canada? No, that wasn’t true. But did you spend a considerable amount of time together? Possibly.

“He’s been more…Smiley, the past few weeks,” Tara gave you a pointed look, “And so have you.”

While you felt not much disdain for your hometown anymore, and felt a bit lighter on your feet…You knew that part of that feeling was thanks to Shawn. And while you never thought of returning back to Pickering when you were done university, you slowly started to come to a realization that coming home wouldn’t be that terrible.

You took a sip of beer to cover up your smile, “Good for him that he seems happy––”

“Don’t you remember how things ended between you two?”

With her comment, you took a few more longer sips of your drink.  Once you felt confident that you wouldn’t lash out at her, you brought the empty cup down to your side and clutched the plastic cup down at your side.

“I think I remember quite well,” you grumbled with a clenched jaw.

You glared over her shoulder at a happy looking couple

There were a few beats of awkward silence before Tara let out a soft sigh. She looked at you with her big adoring eyes that were supposed to be comforting, but you saw a hint of protectiveness in her eyes. A protectiveness that wasn’t for you.

“I’m just looking out for you––”

“No,” you tore your longing gaze away from the smiling couple as you looked at your best friend with hurt in your eyes, “You’re looking for Shawn.”

The silence was enough of an answer for you.

You nodded your head once and swallowed down the lump in your throat, not even your own best friend had your back, “I think I’m going to leave.”

You were about to spin on your heel when Tara’s voice stopped you in your tracks, “I’m looking out for both of you.” You let out another breath, not wanting to get in an argument with her, but she spoke up once more, “Like it or not, you were the one who left.”

You wiped away a tear from your cheek that managed to escape your eye, “I know I left,” you whispered, “But you also knew how torn up I was after we broke up.” You felt your throat tighten up more as you spotted your old friend group over Tara’s shoulder that you lost contact with after you left, “They don’t know that. They only know how he was.”

Tara reached out for your hand, but you took a step back, “Y/n, it’s not like that––”

“It’s cool you’re friends with Shawn and still friends with everyone else,” you gnawed on your bottom lip, as an unfamiliar feeling creeped up your stomach when you looked behind Tara’s shoulder once more at your old friends; guilt.

You thought you were going to say something else, but the longer you stood in front of your best friend, the more guilt you felt rise up like bile in the pit of your stomach. So without another word, you turned around and started to walk away from the smell of bad perfume lingering in the air.

The grass crunched loudly under your shoes, but not loud enough to block out a certain voice that would visit you in your most blissful daydreams, but also haunt your darkest nightmares.

“Long time no see.”

Letting out a deep breath, you put on a brave face as you spun around to see Shawn.

You playfully rolled your eyes at him as he walked to you, only stopping when the tips of his shoes touched yours, “It’s been three hours.”

Shawn rolled his eyes back at you as he took one of his hands out of his pockets and slid his fingers easily between yours. It was too perfect the way your hands fit together. Too perfect how he still knew your body like anyone else. And too perfect how he seemingly just forgot about how you left.

While you were heartbroken over your break up with Shawn, you couldn’t say that Tara was wrong when she said that you were the one who decided to leave.

Shawn’s curls tickled your forehead as he ducked his head and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, “I’ll always miss you.”

You didn’t miss the subtle undertone of devastation in his voice.

You looked away from him as you tried to swallow down the pain you felt. From the start of whatever this arrangement was with Shawn, you knew that it wouldn’t end well. It was a recipe for total destruction, and It’s why you only wanted it to last a weekend.

But with the few weeks you’d spent with him, you were starting to see how you could possibly make this work past the weekend. It would be tricky with you heading back to L.A. at the end of the month, but you thought it would be worth it to try something new.

“Shawn…”

Just like how you noticed the devastation in his voice, he picked up on the slight ache behind your voice. He knew that tone of voice all too well because it was eerily similar to the tone you used on him before you told him you were leaving.

And even though you did eventually have to leave, you weren’t trying to say that you were leaving him.

He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh that broke your heart, “Stop running.”

You shook your head, “I’m not––”

“You are,” his voice was heavy, and when he opened his eyes you felt your shoulders fall at how his brown eyes were full of fear, “You can run, but only so far. And it’s been so long,” he squeezed your hand and didn’t ease up on the pressure, “Aren’t you tired?”

You tilted your head back and let out an aggravated breath through your nose, but you still held tightly onto his hand.

“I’m not––We’re both in this situation,” you blinked away the stinging behind your eyes and slightly skewed the conversation, “I think we should––”

With a tilt of his head, he pinched his eyebrows together, “Are you––” his voice cracked, “–-Are you really making me watch you leave again?”

With a frown, you shook your head, “That’s not what I’m saying. This situation isn’t the best, but if we change––”

“Because I remember that damn well,” he flared his nostrils as his breaths came out uneven, ignoring the idea you were trying to propose. You were caught off guard by his sharp comment, and didn’t have a rebuttal, but he seemed to take your silence as an answer. And when you felt him drop your hand, that’s when the panic really started to flood your body.

Shawn let out a bitter laugh as he looked down at the frozen grass, shaking his head as if trying to rid you out from all of his memories. But when he looked back up at you, his lips were pulled into a tight frown and you could see his bloodshot eyes from the haze of the dim Christmas lights.

You took a step forward, reaching your hand out to feel him one more time, but he took a step back, “Do you not remember telling me––and everyone else––how you were going to McGill?”

He waited for a response, but you didn’t have one, so he kept on with his scathing questions, “Do you not remember us making weekend plans to see each other? We were going to make it work between Montreal and Toronto. ”

You felt your chin wobble because you knew exactly where he was going with this. And all of his anger and heartbreak toward you was justified.

“Shawn––”

“Do you not remember,” his harsh voice dropped down into a gut-wrenching whisper, “Telling me two days before the semester was starting that you were leaving for L.A.?”

The feeling of holding back your tears became too much. A few leaked out from your eyes as you hiccupped, “You don’t have to–”

“Do you not remember,” He spoke over you, “how much planning you put into moving out there?” Shawn let out a shaky breath as he harshly wiped a few tears off his cheek with the heel of his palm, “Because if I remember correctly, your mom said you were planning that for months.”

More silence on your end.

“If leaving––” He brought the sleeve of his arm to wipe under his nose, “If it’s okay with you, it’s okay with me. We could call it even.”

You swallowed thickly as a gust of cold air blew in between you two, “Call what even?”

“I watched you leave,” Shawn itched the bridge of his nose, not looking directly into your eyes, “You can watch me leave.”

You were beginning to feel the oncoming of a headache; which wasn’t surprising considering how hard you were clenching your teeth and how you were trying your best to hold back your sobs.

While you didn’t think whatever mess you got yourself in with Shawn over the break was healthy, you did think that there was a way to sort it out to make it better. With only one semester left, you had to go back to L.A. to finish your degree, it was the only thing that made sense. But you were starting to think that maybe you could try long distance with him. And you were hoping that maybe––up until this point––that he would also want to try it out.

But maybe wasn’t enough.

You let your shoulders drop, because as much as you didn’t want to let go, he seemed pretty set on making you feel the same exact blindsided pain you caused him years ago.

You let out a pathetic laugh as you curled one arm around your waist, “Tis the damn season, right?” You barely got the sentence out before you brought your other hand up to your mouth to muffle your cries.

His eyes were wide with pain, much like the day you left him on his back porch after you told him you were attending a different University than planned. He fiddled with his hands, almost like he wanted to reach out and hold you one last time, but he shook his head––as if he decided you weren’t worth anymore words––and walked away.

You watched him walk in the direction you had just left from until he disappeared beyond the trees. Once he was gone, and you were certain he wasn’t going to turn around, you let your shoulders drop and buried your face in both of your hands.

Your breaths came out shaky as your shoulders shook with your cries. Shawn was gone. He left you exactly how you left him; standing alone, crying, wanting more of an explanation–-wanting to still make things work––and not being able to do anything while watching the one person you ever loved walk away.

At least when you left, you looked back at him one last time. You vividly remember how his face crumpled and then how he brought a hand up to cover his face as he openly sobbed. You could still feel how your chest tore open at the sound of his wailing that day.

But he didn’t look back at you when he left.

You stood alone in the woods, unable to catch your breath between your hyperventilation and cries, as you felt scratches on the back of your throat from harshly breathing in the cold air. You cried for a little longer, rocking back and forth as you clutched your stomach, until you felt ready to leave your high school.

You shivered from the cold, but at this point, you would welcome any other feeling than the devastating heartbreak you felt in your chest as you walked out of the woods. With one last look at the highschool that brought you to the absolute best person you’ve ever found in your life, you headed down a road you hadn’t taken in months.

Taking the road you used to walk from your parents house to high school looked real good…It looked fine until all you saw on the street were memories that danced their way around in the haziness of the night. Time flies and the memories blended together through your blurry vision.

You approached the stop sign, which had an infamous ditch, that caused almost every car to get stuck in if they didn’t take the right turn wide enough. You let out a small laugh as your mind drew up a version of a fifteen year old Shawn and yourself in his white truck. He was so proud to finally have a vehicle of his own––even if it was his grandfather’s old truck––to take you out on dates.

And one day when Shawn was driving you home from school, he was too caught up in recounting a story about how he and Brian nearly got caught ditching third period, that he got stuck in the ditch. How you got out of the ditch wasn’t clear––but you remember Shawn standing behind his truck, pushing it, as you were in the front seat pressing on the gas pedal.

And when the two of you were able to get his truck out of the ditch, his back tires spurted up an insane amount of mud. It caused his freshly washed white truck and white shirt to look just as messy as the mud on his truck tires.

Your laughs soon turned into more tears as you crossed the seat and leaned your forehead on the metal post of the stop sign. You didn’t regret going to California, you knew you wanted to get out of Pickering, but being home for an extended amount of time showed you how you wished you’d gone about leaving a different way.

Going back to your old high school showed you how much you missed your old life. You missed the nights when you stayed up all night with your friends, waiting to watch the sunrise, and then going to a diner for breakfast. You missed the times you would lie on Shawn’s floor doing homework, while he studied at his desk. You missed the way your friends would tease you and Shawn when they saw you holding hands.

But most of all, you missed seeing Shawn’s smile.

Bright headlights from your peripheral vision caused you to pick your head up from the rusty metal post. You sniffled and decided that it would be best to continue walking so the car wouldn’t see your mini breakdown.

You continued to walk straight, but the car didn’t speed up and go around you like you expected. Instead, you heard the sound of a window rolling down as the person who you were just thinking about called out your name.

You should’ve given Shawn your full attention, but you don’t think you could watch him leave again. So you shook your head and continued to walk forward.

“Y/n,” Shawn called out your name again, “Get in the truck. It’s cold out, it’s late, you’re upset, and Tara said you had a drink.”

You shook your head no as you crossed your arms over your chest, sniffled away the last of your tears, and continued walking.

But what did cause you to stop walking was the sound of the engine shutting off and the slam of a door.

And like when you first saw him at the little Christmas village all those weeks ago, the two of you stood face-to-face in silence. It seemed as if his tongue was tied and he didn’t know what to say. And you didn’t know what you wanted him to say. He made his intentions with you clear at the edge of the woods.

“I’ve only had one drink,” you looked away from his eyes that were full of remorse, and it only made the ache in you feel worse, “I’m fine walking home.”

You brushed past his shoulders, but he shot his hand out and clasped his hand around yours. You held your breath as he spoke, “Hear me out––”

“I heard you in the woods,” you choked out.

He squeezed your hand tight and the action caused you to rapidly blink away the tears you were so certain were gone. He was all you wanted, the past weeks showed you that, but the back and forth––the crushing of both of your feelings––wasn’t something that was healthy or sustainable for a relationship.

You dropped his hand for a second, but his hand reached right back up to yours, holding onto it in panic, “We––We could just ride around,” he let out a low somber chuckle, “Just like the old days.”

Even though your back was still facing him, you bit your bottom lip and squeezed your eyes shut. Just like the old days. You didn’t think words that sounded so innocent could be so painful.

“I can’t,” you whispered.

At your denial, Shawn held your hand tighter, and you felt him take a step closer to you, “I just-–I want to spend time with you.” You heard him let out a shaky breath, “I didn’t––What I said back there––I know you’re going to leave again. I thought it would make me feel better to say those things––But it didn’t. And I––” his voice cracked, “I’ve missed you so much.”

You tried your hardest to resist the urge of leaning into the warmth of his chest. But when you heard the crack in his voice, you didn’t care about all the alarms going off in your head about how this was a bad idea.

You turned around to face him and saw stress lines on his forehead as his eyes looked red. He had his lips firmly clamped together, as if he was also trying to hold back in his tears.

With a deep breath, you tried to smile, “Shawn––”

He shook his head. He didn’t know what you were going to say, but with past experience of you starting a sentence off with his name, it was like he didn’t want to take any risks.

“I––No one is at my parents’ house. We could––We could just go there, watch a movie––Or do absolutely nothing,” he took a deep breath and leaned his head against yours, “I just need to spend more time with you before you go.”

You gulped, “Okay.”

The relieved sigh Shawn let out fanned over your face as a small smile lit up his face. If this was any other moment you previously shared with him, you would expect him to press a light kiss to your lips, but he just nodded against your forehead.

With your hand still in his, he guided you to his truck––the same one he got stuck in the ditch with––and you were proud of yourself for not crying at the sight of it. The way he opened the door, and placed a hand on the small of your back––to make sure you didn’t fall backwards as you stepped up into the truck––was reminiscent of all the times he picked you up on dates.

When you were buckled into your seat, you turned your head to look out the window to wipe away a few tears with the heel of your palm.

Shawn started his truck back up and the whole way back to his parents’ house was spent in silence.

He turned in his driveway, and put his car in park as the two of you sat in silence. His hands were still placed on the steering wheel and your hands were curled in fists, no doubt your fingernails leaving crescent moon shapes on the inside of your palms. You knew that the two of you were thinking the same thing…The last time you were both at his parents’ house.

The last time you were both at his parents’ house was when you told him you were leaving––Leaving for L.A. and leaving him.

He switched off the ignition and turned to face you, “Are you…Do you want to come in?”

“Yeah, sure,” you said as you swallowed down the lump in your throat.

Shawn nodded too, and the two of you unbuckled your seatbelts, as you opened the door. You carefully took a step down, but ultimately stumbled out of the passenger seat.

Once you regained balance, you saw Shawn standing a few feet in front of you with an amused smirk, “Even after years…You still have trouble getting out of it.”

Even though his tone was lighthearted, you saw the painful look in his eyes as memories of you struggling to get out of his truck flashed before his eyes.

You rolled your eyes as you shut the door, “It’s steep.”

Shawn let out a boisterous laugh as he led you through the front door and an overwhelming sensation washed over you. Seeing Shawn’s apartment was odd, but it was his own space that you hadn’t seen before.

But his home…You spent countless Sunday night dinners in the dining room with his family, helped his mom throw a surprise seventeenth birthday party for Shawn in the kitchen, fell asleep on Shawn’s shoulder in the living room during a movie, and snuck into his basement countless times on a school night. 

You knew this place.

“We can uh––” Shawn brought a hand up to the back of his neck, “Go to the basement? We got it redone last year so it’s nice––And um––Do you want a sweatshirt? A blanket? Something other than your jacket?”

Even though Shawn was in his house it seemed as if he didn’t know how to act either.

You smiled, “A sweatshirt would be nice.”

He nodded, “Cool. I’ll go grab it and you can––You can wait in the basement if you want.” Before you could respond, he turned around and ran up the steps to his room to fetch you a sweatshirt.

Instead of wallowing in your memories right by the staircase, you headed for the basement. Your feet had a memory of their own as they carried you straight back through the hallway, past the kitchen, and made a left. You walked a further bit down that hallway until you were met with the white door that led to the basement.

With a deep breath, you twisted the handle and walked down the stairs.

The basement was redone, but not overly done. There was a fresh set of paint, new hardwood floor, and new furniture scattered about. You weren’t alone for very long before you heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

Shawn had changed out his jeans for sweatpants and a hoodie, “Here you go,” he handed you a sweatshirt of his.

You took it from him and inspected it as you slipped off your winter jacket. It was his varsity hockey sweatshirt from junior year of high school. The gray sweatshirt had your high school’s logo printed big on the front, the top of the sleeve had a bold C for captain, and the back had MENDES 16.

It was one of his sweatshirts that exclusively lived in your closet since you wore it to his games so often.

You gulped as you slipped it over your head. Once the sweatshirt was on, you saw Shawn sitting on the futon with his eyebrows pulled together. He was either thinking about all the times you wore it previously or he was regretting offering it to you.

You stuffed your hands in the front pockets of the sweatshirt and stood there until Shawn patted the spot next to him, “Come here.”

Shuffling your feet, you made your way across the hardwood floor and slipped your shoes off before joining Shawn on the futon. You crossed your right leg over your left thigh and started to nervously pick at the loose skin by your thumb.

You didn’t know what he was going to do…Was he going to turn on the T.V.? Did he want to talk? You thought that the two of you talked more than you needed to in the past few hours.

Shawn’s eyes glanced down at your nervous hands and in one swift motion, he shifted his sitting position so that he was facing you, and took both of your hands in his.

He was staring intently at you, and you wanted to do anything to lessen the tension. His hands felt warm around yours as you looked at the wall that the futon was pressed up against. You let out a small laugh when you saw the tiny holes that the new paint wasn’t able to hide.

“Not able to get rid of the holes from darts?”

Shawn was confused for a moment, until he followed your gaze to see the tiny holes for himself, and let out a chuckle, “My parents painted the basement last year and they just noticed the holes…” He shook his head, “I tried telling them that it was Brian and Aaron, but they were still mad at me.”

You smiled softly at the memory, “They were wasted that night.”

Shawn mirrored your smile, “Yeah it was six years ago, but they were still mad.”

You squinted an eye and offered him an apologetic smile, “Sorry, I encouraged them that night.”

Shawn shook his head, telling you not to worry about it, “We were all having a good time.”

Silence.

You let out a deep breath and broke eye contact with him again. You felt nervous as ever under his gaze and felt hot as you wore his sweatshirt.

“How’re you liking California?”

You snapped your head over to him, eyes bulging out of your head, because him bringing up the place you left him for was definitely not something you would’ve thought he’d bring up.

“I um––It’s warmer,” you weakly smiled and Shawn’s chest softly shook with laughter. He looked at you, raising his eyebrows, wanting you to expand on your explanation, “It’s nice.” You let out a sigh and looked into your lap.

Shawn squeezed your hands which caused you to look up at him, “Even though we…We didn’t leave off on the best of terms,” he licked his lips in nervousness, “I still care about you. And I’m curious to know.”

You nodded your head in understanding. Saying that you didn’t leave things off on the best of terms was an understatement––It was Shawn trying not to hurt your feelings––But you knew exactly how you left things. And it was absolutely terrible.

You let out a sigh as a genuine smile lit up your face as you remembered landing in LAX for the first time, “It was really really nice,” you peaked a look up at Shawn to see that he also had a genuine smile on his face. “At the time, it was exactly what I needed. I just…I don’t know what it was about Canada but I just needed something new and––” you felt yourself get choked up because here you are, sitting in front of the boy who promised you the world for years, saying how much you wanted to leave.

Shawn squeezed your hands in reassurance, “It’s––I get it.”

You let one of his hands drop as you brought it up to wipe away the tears, “Sorry I––I don’t want to cry, sorry.”

“Really, it’s alright,” Shawn squeezed your hands once more, “When things got…” he tilted his head side to side, trying to find a word, “better, Tara would tell me about how happy you were out there.” He smiled sadly, “I was happy that you were happy.”

You wiped away more tears and let out a pathetic laugh, “I really don’t deserve you.”

“Hey,” Shawn leaned forward to wipe away some of your tears. And when you opened your eyes, you saw how close he was to you, the tip of his nose a centimeter away from yours, “Everything’s…We’re good now.”

You shakily took a deep breath and nodded your head, “I––I’ve been thinking and I––I don’t want to stay in L.A.”

Shawn’s eyes brightened up at your confession, “You’re not staying there?”

You shook your head and whispered, “I miss home.”

You miss Shawn.

Shawn’s eyes flickered down to your lips and then gazed back up into your eyes. You offered him the gentlest of smiles, shoulders dropping in relaxation, and that was all the go ahead Shawn needed to lean forward.

When your lips pressed together, you instantly closed your eyes and felt Shawn let out a content sigh out through his nose. It was a short kiss, and when Shawn pulled away slightly, you didn't miss the twinkle in his eyes.

“You’re coming back to Canada?” He whispered in a daze, voice full of hope.

You nodded, biting your bottom lip to keep your growing smile at bay, “After I finish this semester, yeah,” you let your eyes linger on his lips for a second longer than normal, before lowering your voice in all seriousness, “I’m coming home to Canada.”

Without any hesitation behind the actions, Shawn crashed his lips back onto yours that had you toppling back a little. You let out a small laugh against his lips as you regained your sitting position and wound your arms around his neck.

His once hurried kisses morphed into slow sensual kisses as he took his time savoring every kiss. His kisses were just as slow as the movement of his hands on your thighs; slowly rubbing your knees, then trailing his palms up your thighs, until he slid them back down to your knees. Everything about his touches, and your kisses, were slow and unhurried.

Eventually, his hands trailed further up your thighs until they didn’t come back down to your knees like usual. Instead, his hands rested on your hips, with one hand traveling to the button of your jeans. You felt your breath hitch in your throat when his fingers popped open the button of your jeans.

Without breaking the kiss, he slowly pulled down the zipper of your jeans and helped you shimmy out of them. Once you kicked your jeans off from around your ankles, you tugged at the bottom of Shawn’s sweatshirt, letting him know that you want it off.

He hummed against your lips in acknowledgement, but didn’t remove his clothing right away, “I want to kiss you a little more.”

You fought to suppress your smile, the corners of your lips still tugged upward, making Shawn’s deep kisses a little hard to continue. With a sigh, and one last peck to your lips, Shawn pulled back and tugged his sweatshirt over his head.

You tilted your head, “No shirt?”

Shawn shrugged as he lowered his gaze back down to your lips, “Most of them here are too small. My sweatshirts still fit through.”

And while everything before was gentle touches and hushes kisses, the earnestness of the situation was coming to light. He looked at you with the same sincerity and understanding that you held in your eyes. He offered you a small smile before he latched his lips to the skin just below your ear.

“If it’s okay with you,” Shawn spoke as he took his time on your neck, depositing slow, wet kisses, some of which would definitely leave lingering marks, “It’s okay with me.”

You tilted your head to give Shawn better access as one of your hands absently played with the curls on the back of his neck, “I––Yes,” you let out a content sigh as Shawn nipped at a spot on the base of your neck.

His lips made a sound as they detached from the skin on your neck so he could look down at you. You held onto his bicep and nodded your head slowly, “We need to talk more in the morning, but for now…” You squeezed his bicep, “I want this.”

“Agreed.”

And with that, Shawn leaned forward, as he pressed his lower abdomen into your front, and cupped the nape of your neck to kiss you deeply.

///

You didn’t know what time it was when you eventually stirred awake, but you awoke with a soft smile on your face. You wore Shawn’s hockey sweatshirt, had his arm curled around your waist, and were pressed firmly against his back as you felt his hot breath on the back of your neck. Waking up in this position was better than anything you ever dreamed about.

After a few minutes of being up alone, you felt the arm around your waist tighten, “Morning,” Shawn’s voice was groggy as he pressed a kiss to the back of your neck.

You closed your eyes and hummed as you felt him pepper a few more kisses along your neck, “Hi.”

Shawn chuckled at your morning greeting before propping himself up on his arm. He squinted his eyes at the wall with the television on it and let out a soft laugh. He looked down at you with an adoring smile as he brought one hand up to stroke your cheek, “It’s two in the afternoon.”

Your eyes winded as you felt wide awake, “What?!”

You went to sit up straight in alarm, but Shawn had other plans. He moved the arm that was propping him up, falling beside you, as he dropped his entire weight on you. You let out a muffled groan into his shoulder as you felt his chest rumble with laughter.

“We can afford to sleep in half the day,” Shawn pressed a kiss to your shoulder, “Just for old times’ sake.”

You let out a deep sigh, but brought one of your arms out from under Shawn––and the blanket that was draped over him––to curl around his shoulders. You let your fingertips softly graze his back in a figure eight pattern and he let out a deep sigh.

“That feels nice.”

You only offered a hum in agreement because even though Shawn felt like a dead weight on top of you, it felt nice. The whole situation felt nice. Everything from the events of last night, to waking up in his arms felt nice.

It felt almost as good as being in love in high school.

But like every time you felt yourself getting swept away in past memories that were better than anything you felt in the present moment, reality came crashing in like a tsunami.

Because the reality was that you had to go back to L.A., go back to all of your friends––or so-called friends; you heard whispers from one of your closest friends that a girl named Janey just wanted to be your friend because of a connection you had to a production company. It was something you heard before, but it wasn’t something you ever spent a considerable amount of time wondering about.

Out in L.A., you mostly wondered about the only soul who could tell which smiles you were faking.

Shawn was the gentlest and kindest person you’d ever met. His heart was bigger than anyone else’s; and he always made sure to make people happy even when he wasn’t feeling at the top of his game.

He showed people that he cared for them by remembering their coffee order.

He showed people he cherished them by putting their birthdays in his calendar so he wouldn’t forget to wish them a happy birthday.  

But most of all, he showed people he loved them by not allowing them to walk home alone in the cold when they were upset.

And now, with that soul on top of you––literally––you knew that the heart you were breaking was your own. How deserving were you of a second chance? How deserving were you to be let into his life again? You were selfish––greedy to have him back in your life––so you would cling onto that second chance, but there was still some left over guilt.

You let out a sigh, “Shawn––”

“Shawn?”

A voice that wasn’t yours––But one that you recognized as the voice of his mother––called out his name. Your fingertips stopped grazing his back and it felt as if you forgot how to breathe. Shawn mirrored your alarm about the situation as he shot up.

“Shawn? Are you here?”

“Oh my god it’s your mom,” you whisper yelled at him.

Shawn’s mouth hung open in panic, not knowing what to say, but then the basement door opened up and his mom called down, “Shawn?”

“I––Uh––Yeah, mom! I’m down here!” His voice was strained as he yelled up to her.

You were still under Shawn, and you prayed to anyone up in Heaven that she would stay up there. You didn’t know how well it would go over if she walked down the stairs and saw you.

You stayed frozen under Shawn as you heard his mom call out again, “We’re going over to the Martin's house in a half hour!”

Shawn swallowed thickly as he nodded rapidly, “Yeah––I––I didn’t forget! I’ll be ready!”

After his mom got his answer from him, she shut the door and neither of you two breathed until you heard her retreating footsteps. Once you were both positive his mom wouldn’t make a re-appearance, Shawn let out a laugh and you smacked his chest.

“That was not funny,” you glared at him, “I nearly had a heart attack.”

Shawn rolled his eyes, “I haven’t felt that kind of thrill since the last time we almost got caught when you snuck over.”

“We don’t talk about that.”

Shawn let out another laugh as he leaned down to press a lingering kiss to your cheek, “You don’t like to talk about it.”

You shoved his chest until he moved off you. With a small laugh, he rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow, with a regretful smile on his face, “I do have to shower and get ready though.”

You let out a frown, not wanting to leave the warmest bed you’ve ever known in the last three and a half years. Blindly, you reached out for his free hand and slid your fingers between his, “Are you free tonight?”

“Tonight?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at you, “Can’t get enough of me, eh?”

You rolled your eyes with a small smile before regaining your serious composure, “We need to talk.” Shawn closed his eyes momentarily, as if not wanting whatever trance he was under to be broken, but when he opened his eyes, you were smiling reassuringly at him, “I want to make this work. We just have to talk about how.”

Shawn released a relieved breath and smiled, “I want to make this work too.”

“We could call it even…” You smirked at him, as he raised his eyebrows in amusement and curiosity, “You could sneak into my house.”

Shawn let out a quiet laugh as he shook his head, “It’s so hard to sneak into your house,” Shawn dropped his head into the crook of your neck as he continued laughing, “Sneaking up to your room is impossible with that tree that’s in direct view of your parents window.”

“You’ve done it before,” you shrugged.

With one last laugh, Shawn pressed a single kiss to your neck before lifting his head up, “That I have.”

Once both of your laughs subsided, you stayed on the futon for a few moments longer just looking into his eyes and holding his hand. While you felt pure happiness explode in your chest at this phase of reconnecting, you hated the fact that you had to leave again.

Even if you were just leaving for a few months and then coming right back to Canada. You felt as if you spent too much time away already.

“Hey…” Shawn carefully pulled yourself out from your own head, “We’re good.”

You held his steady gaze before squeezing your eyes––and his hand––tight, “Even though I’m leaving––”

“I’ll be yours for the weekend,” Shawn cut you off. You gulped at his answer and slowly opened your eyes to see the seriousness he was trying to convey, “We’ll talk more tonight, but we can make this work, I––You have a spring break, right?” You nodded your head, “I can come out and visit. And we’ll figure––” he squeezed your hand, “it out.”

“We’ll figure it out,” you repeated his promise.

He smiled one last time before leaning his head down and pressing a gentle kiss on your lips.

“You have to––” You tried to get words out between kisses, but Shawn kept deepening the kiss to keep you quiet, “Get ready––”

“Shawn!”

His mother’s voice caused him to bolt up right. You had to cover your mouth with your hand to quiet your laughter. He glared down at you, “I’ll be up in a second!”

You shoved his shoulder so that way you weren’t trapped under him anymore. You stepped onto the ground and stretched your arms over your head as you saw Shawn smirk at you. Finding your jeans somewhere on the floor, you slipped them back on, “What?”

Shawn nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders, his smirk transforming into a wide smile, “Nothing. Just that I could get used to this again.”

Again.

Never in your wildest dreams did you ever think you would have an ‘again’ with Shawn. Butterflies erupted in your stomach as you returned his smile and buttoned up your jeans.

You made sure you had everything you came with before turning to see Shawn at the bottom of the stairs, now with a sweatshirt on. You walked up to him, placed a hand on his shoulder as you stood a bit on your tiptoes, and pressed a goodbye kiss to his lips.

Shawn smiled into the kiss, “Know your way out?”

You smacked his chest and he let out a small yelp, “I could sneak out of your basement with my eyes closed.”

Shawn smirked as he watched you walk toward the door that would lead to an outside staircase that would deposit you to his side yard, and from there, you would sneak behind the line of hedges in his mother’s garden.

Easy peasy.

You opened the door and had one foot out before you heard Shawn let out an over dramatic sigh, “Ah,” his eyes twinkled with a familiar mischievousness, “Feels like we’re back in high school.”

You looked out at the cement staircase with a fond smile, reminiscing on all the times you sneaked out of his place, before looking back at Shawn with a mischievous smile of your own, “Tis the damn season.”

Taglist (add / remove yourself): @adelaidestreets, @alilovesshawn, @fallinallincurls, @lights-on-mendes, @mendesficsxbombay, @particularnarry, @shawnmendez, @shawnsreputation, @turtoix, @badreputatiom, @5-seconds-of-mendes, @pupsandducks @musicalkeys, @madatmendes @im-salt-but-not-salty @sunkisseddreamer, @determined-overthinker @fortheloveoftheaussies, @illuminatepotter , @par_r, @perfectlywrongsm​ @lovelysunset1​ @samaratheweirdo​ @sarcasticallywitty15 

[shawmilafeed]

go stream wonder rn!!!

[princecharmingmendes]

Just had a Raul thot 🥺🥺🥺

Wearing ripped jeans in a cold day and when you both sit down at the outdoor cafe with friends he keeps putting his hands at the tips part coz he knows you’re feeling cold and he wants to warm you up 🥺🥺🥺 and he’s all babe I’m feeling warm can you keep my jacket on your lap as a way to keep you warm

this is so 🥺🥺🥺 and it turned into another blurb for the Hey Angel universe, that can be read separately from everything else. Hope you enjoy it!

*Word Count: 1K+ (because apparently I've got no self control)

*Warnings: over bearing tooth rotting fluff.

-*-

It’s been such a long time since both Raul and Y/N were able to meet up with their friends from university, so when the opportunity to go out for some coffee to catch up came up, they were quick to agree, specially since everyone’s schedule seemed to match for that specific date.

So Y/N didn’t think through when she picked her outfit for the day, didn’t bother to check the weather before leaving her warm apartment and the arms of the little furnace that she called a boyfriend. She picked a heavy coat due to the season but a pair of ripped jeans. And sitting down on the new cafe Chloe was excited to go to on the outdoor little balcony area she regretted it.

She was happy to see her friends, but her choice of ripped jeans to sit outdoors was simply terrible, and she really loved her friends and missed them so much, but she couldn’t stop herself from wishing it was time to go so she could be warm again. But Y/N just couldn’t bring herself to ask Raul to leave, so she ordered a really warm drink and tried her best to focus on the conversation so she could ignore the goosebumps on her skin, hoping no one would notice the slight shiver that ran up her body every time a stronger wind current hit them.

But as always, Raul noticed. He always did.

He was extremely observant and was always paying attention on her. It didn’t matter if he was busy or if Y/N was on the opposite side of a room, he would unconsciously or not search for her to check if she was okay. So of course he noticed the way she kept bouncing her leg, or how she clutched her coat tighter to her body, or how she kept holding the cup of coffee when she could’ve placed it on the table, or the small shivers that would hit her from time to time. But since she didn’t make a move to leave or ask him to, Raul didn’t want to interrupt the limited time she had with her friends, specially since he knew how much Y/N missed Chloe.

So instead, Raul opted to gently pull her chair closer to his, basically glueing them both together, so he could throw his arms over her shoulders and pull her closer to his chest, which she was quick to oblige, despite the playful yet teasing comments their friends threw at them. He watched as her whole body relaxed next to his as he placed a kiss to her hair, placing his other hand on her thigh, squeezing it lightly and feeling the frigid skin through the small rips of her jeans.

“Bambi?” he called her softly and she just hummed in response, taking a sip of her coffee before looking up at him, but without moving an inch away from the warmth of his chest “do you want to go?”

At that her eyes widened “what? why?”

“You're freezing, sweetheart, I just don’t want you to get sick, we can call them over if you’re not ready to say goodbye” he offered as he leaned down to place a kiss to her cheek.

Y/N was quick to shake her head “No, it’s okay, Chloe needs to work later tonight, can we stay a bit longer?”

He let out a small amused chuckle “of course we can, but at least take my jacket”

“Of course not, are you mental? You’ll freeze”

“It’s okay, I have a heavy sweater on and a long sleeve underneath, I’m fine, promise” he assured as he moved slightly to take off the leather jacket off.

Y/N smiled up at him as he laid the heavy material over her thighs and immediately felt better at the jacket blocking out the wind, leaning up to place a quick peck on his lips as he wrapped his arm around her waist, placing another kiss on the tip of her nose.

“Thank you” she mumbled softly before laying her head on his shoulder.

“Of course, Bambi” he said before placing another kiss on her hair and jumping back into the conversation to defend his basketball team, without letting her go.

“You know, you’re very lucky” Chloe said with a Cheshire cat smile.

Y/N just chuckled and nodded “I know”

“I’m happy for you, both of you, and I can’t believe this whole thing started over an anatomy assignment”

“I hated him back then” Y/N smiled at the memory and her friend only shook her head with a laugh.

“I've always told you he was a good guy underneath his reputation, and I also told you he was into you and you thought it was bullshit”

“Of course I did, I wasn’t exactly his type”

“You clearly are now, he barely looks at anyone else, it’s painfully obvious you’re the love of his life, it’s almost ridiculous how much you’ve got him wrapped around your finger” Chloe added with a little wink.

Y/N let out a soft giggle at her friends’ antics “Yeah, I really really love him”

“Oh my God!” Chloe whisper-shouted with wide eyes.

“What?”

Chloe grabbed Y/N’s hand to pull her closer so she could whisper her next question “Do you think he’s ‘it’ for you?”

That took Y/N by surprised.

Sure, they’ve been living together for a while now and he makes her feel like she’s the most amazing perfect human being and the only girl in the whole universe. She loves him with her whole heart and haven’t imagined her life without him, and she can’t lie and tell she hadn’t thought about their future and wondered how it would be to make it official, but they never had “the talk” about it. So she never thought deeply into it, but turning to grab her coffee to have some extra minutes to think about her reply, she caught Raul in the corner of her eye talking very passionately about how to make the perfect Risotto, his cheeks and lips tinted pink due to the weather, a smile bright on his lips. And when he caught her staring, he only gave her his signature smirk and a discreet wink before resuming his explanation, that’s when she knew.

She sighed with a bright smile painting her features, turning to Chloe and mumbling out a small “Yeah, he’s ‘it' for me”

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