#rbing this one again bc i like it

[permafrown]

YIKES i am so scared to start selfshipping. I want to kiss spy tf2 so bad How do i Begin how do i stop thinking im cringe as fuck. Ik cringe culture is dead but hes so pretty i canno

BUDDY it's just something you just kinda. Go For. I started self-shipping when I was 16 (so 4 years ago) after like. Shyly asking one of my mutuals in an anonymous ask if they had even considered making one LOL. And they did so I ended up following suit like the day after. There's comfort in knowing other people- especially if you're somewhat close to em- do it too.

Start silly if that's your style. Like you could just be like

And that's valid enough.

Literally there's no wrong way to to about it, as long as it's fun for you at the end of the day. 👍 AND ONTOP OF EVERYTHING DUDE SPY TF2 IS SUCH AN AWESOME PICK. No matter what I'm nodding my head and supporting you 1,000%

[justablah56]

Since you reblogged that post about it being okay to send random asks, I gotta know: precisely how many people/friends/mutuals did you bite via the "reblog to fucking bite the person you reblogged this from" post and what was the chomp-per-mutual ratio? 😂 I saw that post like a hundred times in a row because of you and am very impressed with your dedication lol o7

dnjcwkkcsknf ok I have no idea . I think it was probably like . maximum 10 people ??? but one of those people I was engaged in a horrific and bloody battle to see who could bite more . and I think I rbed it from them at least 50 times cnsncnkwkdsd

[ventus-selphus]

im glad im out of that mindset of less notes equals my art sucks. its cool when my stuff does get 10-20+ notes and i appreciate it immensely, but in the end i dont need traction to see how i improve.

[dgdraws]

Maybe saying this on my 18 follower art sideblog is silly, but I want to offer some gentle pushback on the sentiment that's been going around re: notes on art and lack of engagement.

TL;DR make it your practice to be the person who rbs art with nice tags and you can build a community of likeminded folks

There are myriad reasons why online comment culture has shifted, I'm not gonna waste time pinning that stuff down, bc it's actually immaterial to my perspective, which is:

You can find or create a community of people who will lift up your art. But it requires that you participate in the culture you want to see more of.

I had been a lurker on this site for a decade. I held back participating in discussions, creating or sharing art, engaging directly with anyone outside of following blogs and rbing posts without commentary. And during that time, I made no connections, no friends, built no community.

I was afraid of scrutiny. I have felt the humiliating lurch of earnest engagement turning to dread and exposure and a deep regret of allowing myself to be vulnerable. I pulled up the ladder behind me so I would never have to hear the slightest dismissal or repulsion or ridicule from others. In so doing I also cut myself off from praise, understanding or connection. If no one gets a chance to let me down, then it's as though they're holding me up, right? Wrong!!!

I paid good money for a therapist to help me work out the lie there. The realization that I felt isolated and misunderstood because I never gave people the opportunity to show up for me was so hard to grasp. How could my safety net be the cause of my profound loneliness? But it is true. The people in my life couldn't disappoint me, but they also couldn't help me or support me or really love me the way I needed.

Opening myself up to disappointment has been a long, tough road (and goodness knows I'm not ready to let my parents let me down (again) yet). But my relationships are strengthening. My sense of identity is more stable. I am not inconsolably lonely deep in my heart anymore. Because it turns out people do show up when you give them the opportunity.

Not every time. Not every person. But enough of the time that it builds resilience. Every time I reach out and someone reaches back, I get a little braver. I trust a little more.

To bring this back around to online culture and community: I started receiving interest (and notes) after I started showing interest in others. Once again it turns out that people want to turn up for you, but you must give them the opportunity. This means making yourself vulnerable. It means taking the first step.

If you want a community, a group of people who interact w a certain set of values, you have to demonstrate it. Live those values. This is how we create culture. We choose what behavior we want to encourage and we set an example. This is as true in a workplace or a family as it is for tumblr or ao3. If your boss puts up a sign that says "we see mistakes as a chance to learn" but they punish people when they mess up, that's just words on the wall. If they accept errors graciously, if they work to suss out the root of the problem to resolve it, if they are open about their own mistakes, that is the culture.

So if we want to see more reblogs, but not just that, real engagement and chances for connection, then it starts with you.

Here's what I do that has helped me make friends and spark genuine interest in my work;

Reblog LOW NOTE art as much as, if not more than, posts with thousands of notes. Feel proud to give someone the first note on their work!

Incorporate leaving nice tags into my gratitude practice (it is a form of mindfulness! noticing what specifically draws me to art I rb both engages me more deeply with the work and makes my own art better)

Queue up several art posts from the same artist (people notice when you are consistently in their notes!)

Participate in art events like artfight, various -tobers, other challenges (as with making friends anywhere, repeated exposure leads to familiarity and chances for connection!)

Follow people back or even initiate following blogs who interact with your posts (do not approach this with a f4f mentality, only follow people you actually want to hear more from)

Set up post notifications for portfolio style art blogs (ie sideblogs exclusively for original content) so you keep up w your network/mutuals even if you're offline when they post

Low key notice what the people engaging with you like most about your work and consider expanding on those ideas. This is not about "tailor your work to an audience" it's about thinking, "so-and-so left feral tags on my post about this oc so I'll do my practice sketches of them" or "people seem interested in this storyline so let me feed off that enthusiasm and develop it more"

Don't get hung up on it when individuals don't reciprocate. Assume good faith. You never know what is draining someone's energy. Remember that you are offering a gift, your time and energy yes, but also the chance for someone to show up for you too. If it starts to feel like an obligation, reassess where you're putting that energy, but don't be afraid to be generous.

This has worked wonderfully for me. I went from a person scrolling longingly past posts about beloved mutual culture, not quite believing it could really be like that, to a person who happily gets 3 notes on my former flop posts and posts reblog bait for my besties and reblogs the bait they post for me :)

Apparently I had a lot to say! I kinda hope this doesn't break containment but if it does, please be niceys. I understand if this mindset is not available to you bc of social trauma, depression/anxiety, disability, mental illness or whatever else but please avoid venting that on this post. I love you and I hope you can get here someday, because you're worth it. In the meantime, try to be gentle with yourself and others. xoxo

[scr-ppup]

Koiri's 200F coining event :3

[PT/Koiri's 200F coining event :3/end PT]

Okay, this is pretty simple, first time hosting a coining event and so on but nonetheless here we are. First before I get to the rules of the coining event, I want to yet again thank everyone who has come to follow us! :3 thank you.

Now the few rules this event has are simple;

you can do anything that pertains to the prompt of the day in some way,

be as specific/detailed as you want or as simple as you want with them,

you're free to make genders, alterhuman, orientation, presentation, other identity system terms, etc etc... Everything goes except TransX/ID for quite the obvious reasons.

There are up to three different prompts per day to act as an alternative to the first/main one. You can mix and match them or do on and you can do multiple separate terms for the day's prompts if you want.

Please avoid posting before the day of that specific prompt / before the event starts!

Anyone can participate you don't have to follow me to do that, just be respectful and check my BYF, so that I don't fit your DNI bc i will be interacting (liking & RBing) with the posts made for this event! :3

And at last have fun, tag me & use the tag #koiran200event so things don't get lost. :3

The coining event will partake between 29th of April and 5th of May 2024, so it's a week long event and there will be three prompts for each day that will follow a specific theme.

The prompts

[PT/The prompts/end PT]

April 29th: Concept of fear / specific phobia / death

April 30th: apocalyptic / doomsday / scavenging

May 1st: afterhours aesthetic / dystopian / silence

May 2nd: Marine / sea monster / drowning

May 3th: mutts / animality / corvidae

May 4th: roadkill / carcass feeder / symbolism

May 5th: eclipse / natural disaster / twilight

#koiran200event

Have fun :3 I'll be participating in this myself as well.

[creatingblackcharacters]

hi! i've been reading through your blog and saving n rbing posts as i go i'm someone who creates creature characters rather than human and am very voice oriented with my process. i wanna use more black voice claims for my characters so my things aren't dominated by solely white voices but in a way that doesn't come off as eyebrow raising or as tokenism since i'm a white usamerican apologies if these two questions are vaguely worded/too open to properly but there's two things i'd find useful to keep in mind (also it's close to 3am as i'm writing this) 1. are there any things to avoid when deciding on black voices for critter characters? like a certain species or something? this one's probably a bit general to answer but any definitive Do Not Do This would help a lot haha 2. would it be realistic and/or respectful for characters to use aave? the settings i write are urban fantasy w/ no humans but you do have dragons running around with laptops. from my uneducated pov it'd feel lacking to have every character speak with the same kinda phrases that white people usually use, but i don't know if having one character use aave and another not would feel alright any guidance would help a lot :) i want my things to not have the 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘪𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴 problem that exists everywhere

This is a new one, so thank you for introducing me to a new concept to think about!

I mean, ME personally, I'm always wary at the idea of Black people voicing some sort of monkey or gorilla, especially if a nonblack person wrote the script lmao. It's not inherently racist, but like... It always makes me raise a brow 🤷🏾‍♀️ but that's just me! I'm sure it can be done if the writing is respectful and thoughtful (like if you told me Kerchak from Tarzan I'd be like okay bc that was a hell of a role, but the Standard is High). I'd like to allow others to offer their thoughts!

Well that's definitely an interesting thought. I think this is an issue of coding. Do you have a specific species that you want to be the "African Americans" of your story? Because it would be odd if one animal guy just randomly started speaking AAVE- and especially in that awkward "what's up my homies" way that Black people cringe at. Like, idk if you've ever heard of that One Miles Morales What If Thor comic? Yeah that's how you DON'T do it. Does this character have a community that he speaks AAVE with? is he That Comfortable with the people he's around to not have to code switch? Is it natural? Or is it really just this one dude lmao and no one else in the world does it.

I think, if you're really determined to do so, a good idea would be watching movies with Black people who speak AAVE and get used to hearing it spoken naturally. Be okay with getting uncomfortable about it lmao. Like, I remember when I first started watching The Untamed and I didn't understand one LICK of mandarin. And while I still am nowhere near understanding, after watching it and other shows in other languages, after a while you start to pick up on certain grammar rules (and how the phrases are spoken in a different order than the English subtitles), how certain responses occur, etc. Again I'm not saying I'm fluent or you have to be fluent or anything, but you have to surround yourself with the language to really understand it. And if you're not comfortable, don't shoehorn it. We'll notice. Black people speak the Queen's English too lmao. We have to. So it's fine if they just speak Standard American English.

Hope this helps!

[notsogreatpotoo]

Supernatural Notes Masterpost

context. i'm watching this show and taking notes bc of my friend @sardonic-the-writer. i've quickly realized these notes will be extensive reactions to every moment onscreen, so like, obviously spoilers for the show, and this will probably be annoying. enjoy the glimpse into my brain. (will be rbing or editing this whenever i watch more, so all of it will be in one place. it takes me so long to watch episodes bc i must nerd out and overanalyze everything.)

Season 1

Episode 1: Pilot

um why are the vines on the house moving / lookin like creepy ass tentacles

oh no. cute kids. something bad’s gonna happen and traumatize them

wait these are sam and dean. double oh no.

cute domestic family? hhhragh that isn’t gonna last long

why. why is the mobile moving.

creepy music and other happenings

ah shit

she’s alone in the bed? she’s checking on sam alone after weird baby monitor happenings???

dark silhouette i bet that ain’t john

GIRL YO U CAN CHECK ON THE FLICKERING LIGHTS LATER STOPP

GIRL IS NOT GOING TO SURVIVE SHE’S GOING TO INVESTIGATE MORE SHIT ON HER OWN I GET THAT YOU DON’T THINK YOU’RE IN A HORROR MOVIE BUT PLEASE MA’AM IT’S BEEN TWO MINUTES

I KNEW IT WANINT JOHN YOU FUCK

OH shIT

‘hey sammy you okay?’ BOY YOUR WIFE WAS SCREAMING 2 SECONDS AGO WHERE TF IS SHE??? I KNOW U LOVE UR BABY BUT HE’S SMILING ND FINE FOR NOW

FUCK SHE’S ON THE CEILING

okay scary emotional moment aside that sudden plume of fire was actually kinda funny but still this is a yikes situation!! get your kids outta there pal!!!

um sir??? i know you didn’t just tell your kid to take his brother outside WITHOUT YOU

SIR WHAT DID YOU EXPECT TO BE ABLE TO DO

it’s been four minutes and they’ve probably lost their mother and their house. sard.

‘it’s okay sam’ HONEY. dean tryna reassure the literal baby who don’t know what’s going on bc that’s what he;s supposed to do. as an older sibling this hurtsss

okay at least he came out and joined them but Still

hoping that firefighters save the house

the spike in music and the zoom on john’s face is not making me hopeful.

okayyy they are going to a costume party? and he’s not in a costume? sam ur cute but. Tis a Costume Party.

Halloween is my favorite holiday Sam. This Is A Warning.

realizing this fits into the media rule of mothers not being allowed to survive is funny bc it made me picture this as a d*sney show

174? ONE SEVENTY FOUR. SAM WINCHESTER u are NOT ALLOWED TO BE HUMBLE.

‘is that good’ THE HIGHEST SCORE FOR THE LSAT IS 180

they don’t know? i am sensing Not Good Familial Ties

second blonde lady onscreen is probs also gonna die, calling it now.

ah shit is this gonna be a normal break in or another fuckin ceiling person fire thing

sam winchester. is horror movie logic hereditary?? why are u investigating shit by urself

sam why the hell are you fighting someone IN THE DARK

DEAN WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST FIGHT YOUR BROTHER FOR FUN AND SCARE HIM HALF TO DEATH- oh wait, you’re brothers. STILL!!

‘or not’ no, shut up, just cause he flipped u when u weren’t expecting it don’t mean that could’ve worked on a real threat if they had a weapon. sam u are smart but also stupid.

okay pausing just to say i like their voices and we will be ignoring that right sard?

oh her name is Jess! second blonde lady Jess is going to die at some point

also just noticed dean not thinking sam would answer his calls and :’[

DEAN I NO LONGER FEEL BAD WTF

code words babeyyy

also Sam if you have something happening in your family that requires code words while the ‘you can say it in front of her’ thing is good for standing up for yourself and all, I assume it ain’t the best idea

Sam is actually being perfectly reasonable in this situation however I assume that Sam will not be listened to

‘He’s always missing, and he’s always fine’ again confirming that this show will hurt. John, u suck and I’ve known you for less than ten minutes.

JOHN WTF

did sam know this wasn’t normal?? did he have to get to college and realize oh, this was bad?

dean having a ‘it’s not really paranoia if they’re really out to get you’ mindset is Not Helping

‘dad’s obsession to find the thing that killed her’ i told you that zoom on his face did not make me feel hopeful

sam brought up mom, this is gonna get messyyyy

ran away? sard, sam is going to make me feel things this is not okay. i am going to project so hard onto these characters and it will be all your fault.

ohnno. Feelings.

SARD. SARD. ‘I can’t do this alone.’ ‘Yes you can.’ ‘I don’t want to.’ I DON’T WANT TO??? SARD HOW DARE YOU I’M GOING INSANE AND IT’S BEEN TEN MINUTES

sam gave in and i know i should feel bad abt that bc i was rooting for him like two seconds ago but you don’t understand ‘i don’t want to’ destroyed me

brother that is a lot of tools

voice appreciation bullet point. please ignore.

‘I’m 26, dude.’ shut uppp

eee they will be working cases in this show this is great. love a good mystery / case of the week show but don’t wanna watch cop shows :/

Three Weeks is Not a Few Days Buddy

sam strikes again with the braincell. he will lose it again soon enough.

okay so. did not sound like the men getting disappeared were whispering that ‘i can never go home’ thing so is this like a ghost lady off the side of the road typa shit? hitchhiker that died and never made it to her destination?

‘never bothered you, never asked you for a thing’ YOU MEAN YOU DIDN’T COMMUNICATE FOR SHIT

very much get why sam did not tell his family abt the lsat thing but damnit, dean, be proud of your little brother!!!

jess is nice but sam Will be brushing her off and Will feel justified for doing it

jess is concerned. i am Also concerned.

‘I promise’ sir you are jinxing yourself!!!

did he tell her??? we don’t get to know that apparently

stranger that i do not recognize from sard rbing spn gifs. therefore, likely unimportant character that something is going to happen to.

GHOST LADY I FCKIN CALLED IT

she don’t look quite like a hitchhiker tho. also, i get you’re concerned, brother, but ominous wind seems to only be blowing at her hair and dress and your radio just went haywire. you are ALONE. did you not get taught stranger danger bc while it don’t always apply to adults, it sure does to This Situation, boy

most ominous words ever. she did not mention car trouble, just said ‘take me home’ this is baddd

no one has common sense or self preservation in this show i stg

ghost lady Can interact with physical realm. i think this might be worse.

BOY STOP STARING AT HER TITS AND REALIZE THAT THIS SITCH IS GONNA GET YOU IN TROUBLE

‘a girl like you’ bruh. stop.

this feels like a weird interpretation of a siren

one, fast hand go zoom. two, the only woman we’ve been introduced to so far that hasn’t been immediately sexualized was their mother and she immediately died. so. not great

wasn’t stupid car boy talking to a girl on the phone earlier???

‘do you think im pretty’ soundin like the slit mouthed woman over here, bad sign

STUPID CAR BOY EMPHASIS ON STUPID

as soon as he pulled up to weird house and she vanished he should have been outta there

moving weird handprint with no proper smear

oh no it’s showing a shot of him from inside the house this is bad

that made me jump BUT I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING INSIDE HOUSE

boy is backing out like the pizza man from home alone

oh no that isn’t it is it

wait he didn’t check the backseat?? or did she vanish completely and then reappear in backseat

oh he is,, Not Okay

the switch from that scene to that music made me laugh

credit card scams??? and you’re just gonna ask that out in the open?? sam. sam.

sam. do not diss metallica.

soundtrack appreciation bullet point.

haha time to lie to cops :]

spotless?? it certainly was not spotless when BLOOD SPLATTERED ON THE WINDOWS

he was dating a cop’s daughter and considering cheating? stupid car boy is Even More Stupid

‘thanks, that’s awfully kind of you’ see. unfortunately dean fucks.

dean Not Being Able To Resist Insulting the cops is, i’m sad to say, hot

them fighting is totally not going to be suspicious at all (boys, get it together for my sake, i’m not good at sarcasm)

older sheriff lookin ass guy is going to remember their faces and mess this up for them somehow

this is making me so glad my roommate that i actually share a room with is not here bc my headphones just died and i will charge them Later

dean, your alibis are gonna get all mixed uppppp

random girl who asked if Amy was okay after two strangers started to corner her i love you

why is amy even interested in troy

sam gets to go on um actually. as a treat.

JINX

sam keeps meeting the eyes of whoever’s talking bc he’s still adjusting to this / he’s used to dean and dean keeps watching for sam’s reactions bc he’s used to this but sam is now the new element

okay i get that the local legend stuff was spot on and also important but girl maybe mentioning troy disappearing forever next to his gf is not the best idea? PLUS if dean and sam were really troy’s uncles then them taking weird ghost stuff at face value is sus, no?

ah, when it was possible to get zero results bc there weren’t ads everywhere. i do not remember this time.

dean, don’t hit your brother bc you don’t know the correct keywords

good job sam, but i have subtitles on so i read it before i heard it and i misread ‘Constance Welch’ as ‘Contance Wench’ so i just wanted to let you know that’s who she is in my head

poor Joseph. poor Constance. poor kids. why do kids have to be so fragile

‘that bridge look familiar to you?’ no, totally not the same bridge you were just at a couple minutes ago, that would be ridiculous

dean is so insensitive and desensitized and unfortunately i know i’m going to love him

deannnnnn, be nice to sam pleaseeeee

‘well, that’s healthy’ POT MEET KETTLE DEAN

they’re fighting and i am in pain

‘don’t talk about her like that’ like what? like she’s dead? people don’t generally go up in smoke and then randomly appear after years, y’know? dean, hun, you’re in pain but have you considered putting that credit card scam money into getting a therapist?

oh dear

oh look at that, i’m officially just over Halfway Through This Episode. yeah, how many notes do i have? only THREE AND A HALF PAGES

running the longside of the road instead of zigzagging out the way bc they’re Like That

also lovely confirmation that she does not need an invitation or a driver to get inside the car and use it

BOYS. now i KNOW you survive but WTF WAS THAT

sam’s little laugh of relief is quite lovely but unfortunately i think he’s going to become an adrenaline junkie who can’t stop doing this hunting thing. i say unfortunately, but that’s for his sake. i am very excited.

‘car alright?’ dean winchester you just jumped off a bridge

was gonna make a comment abt the futility and perhaps stupidity of cursing out ghost lady. however. i fear that cursing out ghosts may be a staple when it comes to this show.

their dad’s been there…

dean you need a shower. bad ly.

sorry abt two bullet points in a row abt this but dean how do not want to pull off your skin to get allat dirt off ya?? also why didn’t the hotel guy ask about that instead of the ‘reunion’ bull??

writing the way i talk works for me when i’m tryna write fast and not think much bout what i’m saying but i think watching something like this is gonna bring out my accent, if my roommates make fun of me later i’m blaming you sard

this hotel room is the spn version of the red string conspiracy guy meme

i think the thing these guys have in common is the fact that they were all stupid car boys willing to pick up ghost lady and try to take her home

ALSO just realized ghost lady had a husband in her life?? and she was still flirting with stupid car boy?? idk, maybe they had an after death split but this don’t hit right with me

Sard. Why was there whispering. Sard last time there was weird shit like this that Sam noticed a lady started burning on the ceiling. Sard.

‘she might have another weakness’ i think the fact that dean steamrolled right past that means they’ll be using that other weakness

dean wth. are you. allergic to affection? ‘no chick-flick moments’ fuck OFF, this is why he wouldn’t’ve answered your calls

okay, sam’s rolling with it. i still stand by what i said about therapy.

sam what have you noticed now?

is that them???????????? hhhhhhhhraghhh

dean, sam is on the phoneee

love how cool dean is with illegal shit tho

wait they’re in separate places law of media says something bad is going to happen

‘you got anything that’s real’ ‘my boobs’ sard unfortunately i love him.

how many fake names ya think dean just has ready to go? wait, imagine him in an improv class

okay, fr tho dean, that corkboard shit is sus as hell, idc if you were three when it first happened, it still looks like you’re stalkin ‘em (which. i guess you kinda are.)

is that his dad’s book? adult version of the notebook of doom

sam is still looking for their dad even tho he coulda totally taken the opportunity to split back to stanford :]

poor Joseph :[

there was no after death split and i feel very icky about ghost lady flirting with stupid car boy

…was that hesitance before ‘definitely’ or am i imagining things?

good job for being nice to people sam

oh no, retracting that statement. why are you telling him this

oh shit it was hesitance

OH SHIT

so a woman in white is like medea, gottit

okay i understand why ghost lady flirted with the stupid car boy

ooh narratively interesting point >> cheating Joseph has more faith in Constance to be a good person than himself

also this makes more sense than the fact that the kids were left alone for a literal minute and both died

he gon pick that lock!!

dean is free hehe

wait sam placed the call? aww, he cares about his brother

ex-Marine? keeping that tidbit locked away for later

also you woulda thunk that the cops coulda thought about coordinates when looking at a combo of random numbers

wait!!!! sam is going to be okay, he’s not what the woman in white is looking for, right? unless he like, pissed her off by running through her with the car. but still. first episode, he must be okay

trappedinthecartrappedinthecar

‘you will be’ fuck OFF GET AWAY FROM HIMM

THAT TOTALLY DOESN’T COUNT YOU FUCKING ASSAULTED HIM

wait driving the car through the house worked? huh

fucked up ghost family reunion aside i feel so fucking bad for sam

oh gross

‘you found her weak spot’ guess who called it? again? i love being good at pattern recognition

WHAT THE FUCK DEAN YOU JUST SLAPPED HIS INJURIES

‘if you screwed up my car, i’ll kill you’ or, y’know, you might do that on accident bc you SLAP HIS INJURIES

okay dean you get a little grace for finally taking sam seriously about his interview

‘you’ll call me if you find him?’ there, dean, you have an invitation to talk to your brother. do it.

AWW JESS MADE HIM COOKIES

.

sard.

sard.

SARD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

…

he is not making that interview is he

fuck

the winchester boys suffering the same fates as their father apparently

THE PROBLEM IS IT MAKES SENSE SAM WASN’T JUST GOING TO UP AND LEAVE HIS LIFE ALL WILLY NILLY AND I EVEN CALLED IT BUT THE PARALLELS AND THE PAIN SARD

final thoughts:

unfortunately I’m hooked. it made perfect sense for this to initiate everything. sure, it’s not the best show ever but there’s so much packed in and my overthinking brain is whirring faster than my laptop’s fan rn. loved that things were never immediately revealed bc it gave me a chance to guess and it felt so good when things fell into place later. sam is a sweetheart, but he’s also really smart and able to pass as innocent even when he’s lying his head off. i love that. dean’s an asshole that i am unfortunately attached to but he also obviously cares a lot about his family and doesn’t know how to handle that when it seems so broken. i am still so upset about that final bit. i will be binging this whenever i can but how dare you sard. this is nearly six pages of notes. why am i like this.

edit bc I just realized every ‘home’ in this episode was destroyed. ‘i can never go home.’ the winchesters’ house in the beginning and sam’s place both went up in flames, and sam drove a car through the haunted place. the only thing that saves things like motels is impermanence. sard I need to write forever I think

[broodsys]

rbing that post about communication has me thinking about so much of my past

so! this will be p heavy but the tl;dr is what i said in the tags: open, honest communication is fucking hard. it's really, really hard for a lot of people, myself absolutely included. but btwn therapy and consistently working on it and knowing what kind of person i want to be, i've managed to make a lot of progress towards it - but it's still so hard

just thinking about the big why of my being like this, and it's a pretty obvious answer: i was abused so much as a child. my dad was abusive in nearly every way a person can be, and his mood needed to be constantly monitored, so i existed in a state of endless hypervigilance as a child. as a neurodivergent, disabled child, at that.

the slightest thing would set him off. he'd break furniture. he'd physically abuse us. he would call the cops on us. in fact, he called the cops on us so often that our apartment managers threatened to kick us out, and we were so fucking poor that there would have been nowhere else for us to go.

and my mom... well, she had no ability to handle anything more than him. when i would break down, she'd yell at me, she'd blame me, she'd guilt-trip and condescend to me. i had to be perfect and quiet, to take every bit of fear and despair and anger - again, as a child, throughout my entire life - and bottle it up. nothing could leak out, because if it did, then i was the one making a problem. i was disrupting the household. i was risking another full-on fight.

so i had to control control control. i had to control myself. i had to control the behavior of my friends, both bc of my family and bc of the apartment managers who blamed me - and by extension, my family - for literally everything that happened, and kept threatening us with eviction. as a child, i had to exert control over my friends so i wouldn't lose my home bc they were being too disruptive.

i was never allowed to react. i wasn't allowed to cry. i wasn't allowed to be angry, certainly. every expressed emotion was punished, guilt-tripped, was met with blame for any further disruption my emotions caused the household.

open, honest communication was such a far-fetched idea. in a lot of ways, it still is. i still have a deep-seated recoil reaction. but i deal with it. i understand its origins. i understand that it is no longer true for me, and that it is no longer serving me. i work to dismantle it, and work to express myself - and not just my feelings, but my boundaries, something i was never, ever able to do when i was younger, bc it wasn't permitted.

it's not like i'm over it. i spent the formative years of my life being so controlled and so abused that i'm like 90% sure it's why i have one of my chronic illnesses. like that situation and the endless, inescapable stress of it worked hard to destroy my body. but i'm trying! i am trying. and i am learning, and growing, and i am able to express myself and able to discuss things and i only freak out sometimes, and when i do freak out i tend to just leave the situation until i settle. i can recognize my reactivity. if i can't control or stop it, well, that's okay; but i can recognize it, and recognize when to step away, and that's the important bit, really

[absolute-snzaster]

ok I guess I'm expanding on that last one bc apparently people are judging me for rbing it lmao. look man, I'm sure as fuck not tryna tell anyone else they can't or shouldn't examine their sexuality. but personally, those posts that kick around all "lol so where did your kink come from" make me hell of uncomfortable. given that I quite literally have had it since before I can remember, anything that prompts me to examine the origin of it is by default prompting me to theorize on my experience of sexuality as a literal toddler. and I'm not blanket stating that it's wrong for people to do that for themselves but it is sure as shit not what I'm here for on this blog where I go to be a horny adult. besides which, my childhood was abusive and traumatic as shit and drawing parallels between that and, again, my adult sexuality is not my idea of a good time!!!!!

I genuinely don't think anyone is trying to say that people who developed the kink later in life are less valid, somehow. (And if anyone is saying that, like... don't.) I'm not gonna knock on anyone for getting defensive, bc clearly I'm feeling a similar way, lmao. And I can see how the wording of the original post here might bring up those feelings for some people. But for me, it genuinely was a thing I hadn't even realized how much I needed to hear, after a few too many "so was captain hook your sexual awakening or" type of posts.

You're valid if you want to speculate on your sexuality. You're valid if you don't. You're valid if you've had the kink as long as you can remember. You're valid if you haven't. Hell, you're valid if you make posts about whether or not captain hook was anyone's sexual awakening. And you're valid if those posts make you uncomfortable, even if you've never quite been able to articulate why or how.

Maybe we just need a few new tags for this shit.

[kindestegg]

sporry for mostly only rbing art abt adventure time when it comes to bubbline. this is because i care about them most out of everything n theyre the only thing i still mostly know since i stopped watching aorund like season 5 n got intimidated from picking it up again bc its so much to ever finish it. so theyre just like ohhhhhhhh bubbline my friend bubbline i know them. i like them :) n this will repeat indefinitely perhaps til the end of time i like them very much . oh i did however watch most bits of that one special focused on marcelines life bc again shes the most specialest to me n i care her so much

[postgameroutesix]

srry for the random ask i felt weird not replying + replying by, like, rbing n preving you again but no worries!! i figured the sentiment was likely shared if you're already sharing the info at all o7 i felt weird not adding for any followers jic. i also hope ur inbox hasnt blown up at all bc ive noticed any critical ao3 posts tend to not go down well on here... disappointed but not surprised they got overfunded again even after this bc it seemed like a final straw even for a lot of folks. anyways best wishes! may that at least help raise funds for better causes!

of course!!! im glad u added it because it reminded me its something i should also include in the addition - especially as some people are acting as if this is a “just dont donate to ao3 this one time” situation and not a “the entire site management is steeped in shit and u should not be uncritically chucking ur money at them like u do every few months” situation. it definitely adds important context, my mind wa salso hazy on jusr how disgusting it was since most of my info on the situation was saved on twitter which ive since deleted the app for. christ!!!!

and yes luckily i take lots of precautionary measures on this site (no anon, no replies, liberal blocking etc) so it's all been pretty peaceful bar the occasional annoying idiot i described above. the fact that im white here factors in a lot too im certain

and thank u i hope so too. from some tags left, i see its changed some peoples minds on donating to ao3 at least, which rings hopeful. best wishes to u too <33

[knownbyanothername]

liveblog (Currently liveblogging ultrakill!)

Freakazoid! Blog

writing blog (mostly for original characters)

playlist blog

nsfw blog

(generally i try to stay sfw here due to my writing also being geared towards minors but like occasionally i may rb something a lil 'suggestive' bc i don't want to be disrespectful by rbing it to my nsfw blog-- if anything ever toes a line please do tell me!! it's sincerely not my intent to be Weird)

tags r #pichu barks (personal), #pichu writing (well, writing, but more rbed from different blogs now), & #pichu snarl (for if i think a post has gone into vent territory)

I try to tag things as follows:

#I live here for stuff I'm into, #I don't even go here for stuff I'm not but think is Neat, #the funnies section for shitposts, #The fridge for pieces of art i like of all sorts, #picture frame for any neat aesthetic posts I like. #Bebes will be for any cute animal stuff. #a quarter in the jukebox is for tunes. #for the funniest clown and #angelic pss pss pss for two very special people in my life :), #rats nest is for stuff that reminds me of Me :-). #mutual my friend is for stuff i rb from mutuals (i try to tag this when i can!! sometimes i forget who my mutuals are). #feels goods is for, well, feel good posts-- stuff that makes you feel all nice looking at it. :) #wisdom is for posts i just think are really good advice/words. #add to the library is for texts/written works i like. #designed delicately is for designs i like a lot. #i like your words is for good analyses. #database updated is for nice facts! #author notes is for writing info since I'm writer and want tabs on all that. #for future reference is for refs in general. #resipes is for any recipes i wanna find again. #activities section is for any games/interactive stuff I think is Neat. Will add more as needed. also old posts on my blog/posts i've queued won't be tagged but after a certain point they should be tagged. sometimes i still won't tag things bc it's a Feeling yk.

Otherwise, feel free to ask me to tag other stuff-- I can't keep up w other people's tagging systems if I don't know them well enough.

General abt is i'm a lesbian who uses any pronouns, leaning towards he/him. Generally inclusionist.

Trying to get myself out there to socialize more-- granted most of all I'd prefer a discord server I could vibe in so if you wanna possibly invite me to one i'd be open to it (obviously healthily cautious), or if you wanna start a convo we can see if we hit it off-- apologies though if it falls off at all, sometimes people don't vibe.

Not about to give out my discord willy-nilly but if you DM me and you seem chill i'll give it out-- and probably like, make a discord server if anyone/enough people ask me for it. That's like, the happy medium to me of like, making a random discord server and just putting it out there all willy nilly nally.

i will also state in advance i am a tad more careful around minors due to having so many experiences where adults have disregarded their safety, but if we cross paths we cross paths.

Current projects:

(Note: most of my writing projects I'm planning on making enjoyable via their own merits-- so if you don't know the source material, if you'd like to check out my writing regardless, you can read them regardless! )

[420technoblazeit]

ok so the emo onceler post (yk the one, it's at like 23k notes now) is beign circulated again and i think blazing other ppl's posts is being rolled out today so in case it gets blazed.

im keeping rbs on bc i still htink it's really funny, yes the original caption was jokign and i was leaning into the bit, i was in fact aiming to dress like a 2000s emo, no i dont talk like that in real life, yes im fine with u rbing it and teasing me in the tags

and lastly on a more serious note. i got some real assholes in the notes of that post and frankly? the way some of you are willing to be such dicks about somebody dressing emo is very concerning and if you act that way about such a small thing you should take a good long look at your life and ask yourself why you thought it was okay to say those things when there was a real life person who could see them. i encourage teasing a lot from my followers on here and twitch because i think it's funny and i know it's in a lighthearted way but if that wasn't a joke post? if you were actually just bullying a teenager because they dressed like that??? what the fuck is wrong with some of you. do better. some of those comments were messed up

[koishua]

oh i love you for rbing hee angsts for me even though they leave a huge impact— yours specifically, for some reason ( im saying this again, vie, drop the secrets ) AND NO IT WASN'T JUST 'OH POOR BOY' FIC i mean maybe, yeah, sort of? but i was having a terrible terrible morning and my intention was to read a cute candle light dinner fic heeseung but who knew you had plans on lighting candles for the reader instead :/

AND THE LONG FIC. i am very intrigued actually, tell me more i think i'm ready to consume more of heeseung on the verge of insanity ( i think we're calling him that every time he's in your fic ) now that i've woken up from a power nap

no bc im trying to look at my fics and i can't find proper dialogue like where are the conversations?? my secret i think is just a crap ton streams of consciousness bye 🚶🚶reader and hee barely ever talk it's just like: here's what's happening in this poor little meow meow's heart and mind. have it, ty and goodbye!!

im sorry for catching you on a bad morning tho ngl ☹️☹️ but also pls 😭😭 that's so funny actually i only have two proper-ish hee fluffs and one's a blind date gone wrong but also right??? and another is just sleepy hee 🚶🚶

the longfic!! yes!! i deleted it and a bunch of others in my bout of fury and annoyance at my writing (more like lack of ability to write actual plot lmao) before i went on that two month writing hiatus so it's gone rip 🤭🤭 but it was something i'd been toying with for so so long like you know that one scene in fever of hee just tired and in bed?? it was inspired by that but instead of horny it was just sadness and sorrow lmao it's actually hilarious how that came to be the more i think about it

it was originally going to start off with that snippet i posted, which was the prologue and it would then spiral into these glimpses at his inability to wake up from this quiet and empty world he'd built for himself in your wake. lots of moments where i was showing him doing and feeling absolutely nothing for weeks on end and just the menial things yada yada and one day the 02z would try to unsuccessfully break his door down so they send a wellness check and whatnot and that's where his healing process began i guess.

it would be rocky and he'd constantly succumb back into his grief bc just like in "second death" he'd become so attached to reader that without them he just wasn't whole enough to function. it'd then go into flashbacks where i was showing everyone how up until then, he had only been living for you and only you. but the boys would take turns crashing at his place and taking him out to places and doing things that would slowly make him return to himself. god there was this one instance where they'd catch him dancing by himself in the candlelight and he was so out of himself that it honestly broke even my heart. they would realize that he kept seeing reader as if they were physically there as a means to cope and it was so heartbreaking i can't begin explaining it to you ugh

eventually the more he started to feel better and the less he started relying on drinking, the more sinister your ghost would become and there would be times where he'd wake up from a dream he had of something nice (other than you at long last) to your ghost just smiling eerily at him from beside his bed, telling him that he was starting to forget about you and how cruel that was of him and that was the first time the boys would ever hear him cry after your departure. the guilt would eat him up alive. logically he knows that you'd want him to be happy and move on but the part in his brain that's so self loathing just makes him see you everywhere so that he never ever forgets about you.

anyhow that's all i had written i think and revisiting it makes me SO want someone to write this out for me 😞😞

[salted-caramel-tea]

i’m actually not rbing that post i’ve decided looking through replies on that post and ones like it a lot of women are just out here actively shaming women who are promiscuous, hyperfeminine, or even just not intelligent just naturally stupid. and a lot of the replies mimic kind of radfem sentiments from the 1970s which i rlly do not want to be associated with me or my blog bc under those types of posts mimic like ‘all women should be androgynous’ ‘all women should stop shaving and stop wearing makeup and stop adhering to sexual femininity’ or that women being a little bit of an idiot is inherently reductive to femininity causes bc the sole fact that this person isn’t smart is reinforcing the stereotype which is just ??? false ??? if you don’t want to adhere to this hyperfemininity then i’m not here to force you to . no sane person is going to force you to adhere to societal beauty standards and you are within your right to present your body in whatever way makes you happy . but why are we insisting that women are not allowed to be sexual beings. we spent so long across multiple decades advocating for sexual liberation that allows women to express their sex and sexuality freely but now it’s bad again ?? there is a lot to be said about how modern media presents sexual liberation to children in the way it tries to oversexualise young bodies and promote concepts like anti aging and appetite suppressing to girls as young as 13 and the impacts this can have on their physical and mental health and the way they view their relationships with other people . but i do not think the solution is to tear down grown ass women who are hyperfeminine or expressing their sexuality in their adult life . it just gives me the vibes of ‘why would u post that where children can see it’ nonsense that’s thrown at all marginalised groups by right wingers in puritan fashion but these women are not responsible for what children choose to do online . criticise the way that cultures reinvent gender roles and stereotypes and the harmful impact that it can have on people but don’t blame it on individual women . don’t go around all ohhhhh modern women are sluts and bad and need to subscribe to my personal pursuit of feminine expression to be considered valid . like . that’s not very support women of you . expression of femininity itself is not the enemy . neither is expression in any other form . it’s the culture not the presentation i cannot stress this enough . it’s all seeming a little radfem to me . it’s all attack other women instead of breaking the toxicity of the culture .

[crazydoodlez]

Hope you don't mind me rambling in your inbox I just have some Thoughts about this whole thing

I think the whole reblogs/likes thing does deserve a conversation, especially since it's something that's happened to all social media and not just tumblr, and it does make me feel bad seeing someone with wonderful art just get a bunch of likes and almost no reblogs

However doing it that way is. No. It's the internet equivalent to publicly shaming someone for not doing the dishes, and even if the artist feels bad no one is reblogging their art that does not give them the right to passively aggressively force people to reblog it

It's honestly a shame, the art is actually quite cute! But bc of how the artist acted any potential positive interaction their art could have gotten is basically nonexistent now

Agreed! With all of that I've been thinking about some of my posts and how looking back they could be viewed as like. mean like that.

I would like to be clear right here and now folks:

While I believe wholeheartedly in Reblogs Over Likes, So much so that I will bitch about it a lot, at the end of the day it's Your Decision whether or not to Reblog or Like or interact at all. My intention is not to make you feel guilty, it is to spread awareness.

I personally love when people reblog my work (like my writing or my little doodles), and I'd be escatic if they gave comments on them. But I understand why someone would Like instead of Reblog. Again, at the end of the day it's ultimately your decision, and I don't want anyone to feel forced or guilted to do anything.

I actually have a post in my drafts with different screen shots of the Like-to-Reblog ratio for different art peices being wayyyy way off (Think 100 rbs with 1,000 likes) and I think I might reword some of the stuff in there after all of this. I think in the heat of "Let artists know you like their work" and stuff I forgot to be kinder about it.

But yeah. The way the person executed that was just. Not. Good. Again sorry to those I subjected it to by rbing it.

I appreciate the rambilings and the chance to think things out <3