#really rolling with a group of problematic bachelors

[statementofjoespookie]

"i roll with a group of problematic bachelors and we call ourselves The Squad"

im really sick that's why im drawing sm

[teeztheflag]

─────────────────────

V e r h ä n g n i s (Doom)

⋆ pairing: demon!ateez x reader (poly!ateez)

⋆ genre: demon au, suggestive, crack

⋆ warnings: strong language, kidnapping, suggestive, alcohol, yanderish behavior 

⋆ words: 3,300

„But I don’t want to be friends only.“

─────────────────────

„Let me go!“

„Y/N, look around you! We are eight demons and you are one human. You stand no chance against us so be a good girl and stop struggling.“

Hong Joong had you in his arms and slowly lost his patience when you repeatedly tried to kick him. Your arms were soon held behind your back by Jong Ho who also tied them up.

Upstairs in the big living room the college‘s most prestigious bachelor aka now a demon let you down on the couch and the group of demons positioned themselves on the remaining furniture.

You sat up on your knees eyes spitting fire to the blonde and sensing Woo Young grinning at you from your left site his head positioned on San‘s shoulder - the two were obviously enjoying the show.

The others are eagerly waiting for their leader to say something but when Hong Joong wants to speak up he feels himself heating up at the sight in front of him. The girl they love on her knees, hands tied behind her back and utterly defenseless... Every demon would go nuts and he can feel the others thinking the same, too.

For him and at least for Yeo Sang it‘s the hardest because they’re the ones with the best bond with you until now. Hong Joong‘s eyes begin to change their color and with a shaky sigh he turns around leaving the others and you alone.

„Okay, and all of you think she should sleep with him first tonight? Really?“

„Min Gi shut up your thoughts are looking way worse than what Hong Joong could ever dream of.“

Yeo Sang rolls with his eyes and gives Seong Hwa a pleading look to continue instead of their leader.

„Mh, Y/N? How to begin... I mean by now you should know that we are not entirely human and - “

„You’re demons. Yes, I had a crisis because of this for the last three months! What I really want to know is - WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE?“

„Please calm down... You’re looking at us like we want to eat you alive.“

„You’re not entirely wrong with this Woo Young.“ Yun Ho answers with a slight smirk on his face.

„You’re not helping me here guys. Y/N, you know by know that everyone of us - feels something for you. It doesn’t happen often that a whole demon clan falls in love with the same person. We only knew when Hong Joong told us - “

„You don’t love me and especially don’t have any feelings. Are you kidding? All of you were nothing but a nuisance these last months and Hong Joong, he...“

„How can you say this? I let someone deliver you roses!“ San pouts at you and Woo Young pets his head.

„Yes, Choi San, and after that your whole fanclub hunted me down for a week. I had to eat lunch in the library!“

„And me? We’re friends since the day you arrived here!“

„Yeah, friends. Not anything more!“

Yun Ho looks embarrassed to the ground and Yeo Sang‘s gaze is turned to the wall. The sun is about to set and the livingroom is illuminated by the last sunbeams. You watch how the others continue to argue as the blonde demon remains silent.

„You cannot say that you don’t feel anything for us. We’ve been through a lot together. We didn’t even date any girls anymore and were by your site all the time. Don’t you register anything of that?“

„Apart of that nothing happened. I really like you guys but since the whole supernatural thing happened I don’t think I should hang out with you anymore. I mean look at you - what are you even doing here right now? My friends would’ve never kidnapped me and tied my wrists!“

„That’s not entirely true.“ Everyone goes silent when Hong Joong enters the room again and sits down on the lean next to Yeo Sang.

You blush immediately when both of their gazes meet yours. Of course you remember and still feel the secret touches and kisses you shared with Yeo Sang and Hong Joong but you always thought they didn’t know about the other one.

You felt terrible for your mixed feelings especially because they weren’t only friends but lived in the same mansion, too. You didn’t want to choose so decided to end it with both of them.

„That’s over.“

A whole minute goes by Hong Joong burning holes into Yeo Sang‘s forehead and after that some of them sighing and groaning.

„If you say so. We don’t want to keep you here if you’re not in danger or something else. Jong Ho is going to drive you home.“

You couldn’t lie. Something inside of you hurt at his words. Wouldn’t have thought they would give up so fast. And you couldn’t deny that you always felt good in their presence - more relaxed and happy.

─────────────────────

„I cannot believe we let her go.“ Min Gi rumbled while making his move on the pool table.

„That was necessary. We are not going to lock her up without a good reason than just our selfish needs.“

„Seong Hwa‘s right - also, if Hong Joong‘s plan works she will soon feel our connection and come back on her own. And then we can always use this to our advantage hahaha!“

„God, Woo Young, how long ago is your last decent fuck?“

„Mh, last week. But the hybrid girls don’t satisfy me anymore. I need her.“ His eyes change into a dangerous red as he licks his lips thinking about earlier.

„It’s okay. When demons find the one it’s normal that their body and souls needs the other one. Yeo Sang, am I not right?“

„Sadly, yeah.“

The young demon played with his glass of wine and thought about your sparkling eyes whenever the two of you went home together on your usual route. For him it wasn’t just affection anymore like the state some of the others are now in.

Yeo Sang loved you, very dearly. He wanted you safe and by his side. Your words this evening showed him that you’re not ready to be with all of them and it hurt. He only told the others through his special gift of telepathy because he knew it was the right thing to do.

„At least she’s wearing our mark now.“

„That’s right, Jong Ho. But it’s not saving her from other demons. As soon as someone sees it they will know she’s important and that’s what I fear for.“

„There aren’t any other demons at the college so I think we don’t have to worry.“ Seong Hwa replies.

„I guess we can only wait then.“

Yun Ho told the others and sat down in front of the television trying to find some peace during this problematic time.

─────────────────────

Seeing them at the campus today and not being able to talk or play with them was hard. Usually you would already meet them at the entrance and would hang out in the breaks. Yun Ho and you shared the same subject and that’s how the two of you became best friends.

The relationship with Yeo Sang began when the two of you met at their mansion. Yun Ho and you had to prepare for a project and that’s when you accidentally ran into the boy. You would’ve never guessed that Yeo Sang would make the first move to show you his interest because he was the typical popular but mysterious guy and you - you were just simple.

Hong Joong was a person you weren’t fond of as all of your female friends swooned over him. He was like the college king or some kind of. He can do what he want and no teacher or student would get in his way. Life was easy for him - so you thought.

After you accidentally found his hiding spot at the rooftop of the main building where they built something like a garden the two of you immediately clicked. But that was only when you were alone. You didn’t know what his problem was but it was enough to get out of his way when others were around.

As your visitings to their mansion grew in number your little group became closer. Now you weren’t invisible anymore as you often hang out with the boys and everyone saw your relationship with them. It was ok, first. When San and Woo Young - the notorious playboys - started to flirt with you openly the jelous girls began to harass you. You aren’t a weak person and could cope with the situation first.

But like already said, the demon thing just happened and San sending you flowers, Woo Young following you like a puppy and the friendship with Yun Ho were enough to make your life pretty annoying.

─────────────────────

You‘re thinking back to today when Woo Young approached you although the situation you’re currently undergoing.

„You’re so cute little cupcake!“

He pinched your cheeks while you walked away from him. Of course the whole campus watched the two of you and how Jung Woo Young looked at you with hearty eyes. Even in your next lecture he sat next to you and didn’t let his eyes drift away for only one second.

„Can you please leave me alone? Wasn’t what I said yesterday enough?“

„Y/Nah, you’re my babygirl and I won’t leave leave your site - although the others said I should give you same space but nevermind!“

Your head met the table and you groaned out. „I don’t deserve this.“

Gosh. He’s a lot to handle. How are the others doing it? Hong Joong and Seong Hwa literally need to raise these boys. How can they be demons? Demons should have horns and be scary and so on but if you look at them they’re just some teen boys who don’t know what life’s planning.

The night is pretty windy and cold. You put your cardigan closer around your body and shiver a little bit. Only five more minutes and you’re home. It was a dumb idea to stay in the library so late but you were used to it because usually Yeo Sang would be by your site right now and you wouldn’t have to creep out at every sound you hear behind you.

It’s really ridiculous to imagine someone whistling a melody when the wind is howling so strong. It’s obviously all in your head and you should just walk faster but when your wrist suddenly begins to sting you flinch and stop in your tracks.

„What the hell...“

„Hell, that’s where I come from...“

You double over at the foreign voice and are about to speed away but someone sneaks up behind you and holds you still in a painful grip. That someone’s indeed very tall and strong and you can see long black hair adorning his head although being sure it’s a guy that positions his nose deep in your neck.

„Mh, how delicious. Who do you belong to, love?“ He holds your wrist up to examine the mark the demons left on you. A sign of protection and ownership.

„What? I don’t belong to anyone! Now let me go before I scream so loud everyone hears you because I know there are many people living in these houses!“

„You don’t know? Of course, you can’t see it but it’s rare someone marks a human without telling them. I mean, this sign stands for love and not for slavery. Yes, the ones I like to give.“

„You - you’re a demon!“

„Very fast - “ With a swift move he turns you around and looks you down with bloody red eyes. The figure in front of you was breathtaking but also dangerous and unpredictable.

„My name is Nam Joo Hyuk and I think today is my lucky day. A marked female human without her demon means you’re now mine...“

„You demons all can go to hell. I am so annoyed! Just let me go!“

You tried to struggle out of his grip but Joo Hyuk only holds you still without any effort and watches you amused.

„We need to work on your jokes but that’s okay. You will like my estate!“ With a puff and smoke forming your bag falls to the ground and you and the demon disappear.

─────────────────────

„I know where she is. I can smell him... That stupid water demon!“

„Thankfully we have you in the team, Choi San.“

San grins at his hyung and grabs the bag from the ground. They teleport back to their house informing the others of the situation. Yeo Sang‘s furious knowing his beloved one is kidnapped by a narcissistic bastard.

„I am going to make him a head shorter!“

„Calm down everyone! We know where she is so let’s not make mistakes now. We’re going there but not without a plan.“

─────────────────────

„How can someone call this clothes? I am half naked...“

„I think it suits you!“ Joo Hyuk emerges around the corner and watches how you analyze yourself in the mirror. His estate was really beautiful. It was in a parallel world and everything looked like a greek palace up in the skies. Many other girls were giggling around the water lagoons and you had to stop yourself from throwing up at the sight of the brainless.

„They - they will come and rescue me!“

„They? My love, no demon let‘s the one with his mark run around freely without any protection. They don’t feel enough for you and you should be happy that I am going to mark you with a gift now! Be my slave - “

„No! You’re lying... And I don’t want to be your slave! You have a lot girls here isn’t it enough?“

„For me it’s never enough. You should smell yourself, it’s so fascinating! I just need you here with me... if it wasn’t me someone else would have taken you I am sure of it. And maybe now you would be death, eaten by some hungry demon.“

He shrugs with his shoulders and smiles at you. What a lunatic... But you know he means business when he starts to approach you leaving you running around him and away. Unfortunately there was no way out of a cloud and tears roll down your cheeks when some of the other girls capture you with their lustful gazes and bring you back to the water demon.

The struggling is pointless when they lay you on to a table made out of stone and hold you still with painful grips.

„NO! PLEASE!“

„It won’t hurt I promise, my love.“

Joo Hyuk leans down and starts to kiss both of your wrist and you can feel one of them stinging again. What a lying jerk! You scream out at the now stronger becoming pain. The demon starts to chant in a language you don’t know and everything‘s becoming blurry.

„Nam Joo Hyuk.“ Suddenly he stops and turns around to see not only one demon to rescue you but the whole Ateez clan.

„You have something that doesn’t belong to you.“

„Kim Hong Joong? This - human - she’s yours?“

„Not only mine, ours.“ Joo Hyuk gulps and his gaze meet your half opened eyes. He thinks about putting up a fight but it would be nothing good to ruin his estate and probably lose just for one girl.

„You can have here back.“

Yeo Sang reads Jong Ho‘s thoughts and can only agree with him that this was easier than originally planned. Yun Ho makes his way over to your lying form and he can sense your pain making him growl at the water demon who orders the girls away from your unconscious body.

Just as the demons are about to vanish away with you Joo Hyuk speaks up. „You’re lucky it was just me who found her. I don’t know why you’re not able to protect her with a total number of eight demons but you should start from now on. Next time you can collect the last droplets of her blood from the ground.“

Hong Joong just grumbles out a low I know and with that they leave the place.

─────────────────────

„She’s waking up! Guys!“

„Yun Ho? Yeo Sang? Where am I?“

Yeo Sang smiles down your form while the other gather around the bed and Yun Ho continues to stroke your hair in soothing motions.

„You’re safe in our mansion. We’re so sorry this happened to you...“

„God, I was so afraid!“ Your eyes become watery and you sit up to fall into a deep embrace with Yeo Sang. The boy holds you tight in his arms and tries to calm down your hiccups.

„I am sorry. This is our fault.“

„No, you rescued me... That guy was so crazy! He wanted to mark me or something but I didn’t really understand. Why me? Just why!“

„Ehm, technically he wanted you because of our mark.“ Everyone rolled with their eyes at Min Gi‘s remark. Just as it was about to get into the right direction you became aware of the whole event. You pushed Yeo Sang slowly away and found everyone avoiding your eyes.

„You - you guys! You left a fucking mark on me? I thought we talked this out but you’re still acting like I am something like your possession!“

„Y/N, please no! We gave you the mark because we love you. You being hurt or scared is the last thing we want. We didn’t know someone would find you so fast and we don’t have any experiences with this, too...“

Jong Ho gives you his puppy eyes knowing exactly that it’s your sweet spot. A girl hears what she wants to hear...

„You mean, I am the first one you gave this? Why can’t I see it?“

„Yes, you are - and you’re probably remaining the only one. Demons don’t fall in love easily, once they do, it’s normally for their whole life. But we talked about everything and the last thing we want is to see you unhappy. The whole thing with Joo Hyuk showed us we shouldn’t force you to something you don’t want. We can take the mark away...“

All of them are silent and you see their sad faces because of Jong Ho‘s words. Your gaze drifts to Yeo Sang and Hong Joong who seem to have glassy eyes. You also feel Yeo Sang‘s hands shaking and out of reflex you take them into your own hands to calm the boy down. He faces you with a little shocked expression and you gulp to what you would say next.

„I - I don’t want you to take it back. The only thing I want is my friends back...“

The demons cheer up one by one and smile at eachother at your suggestion. You can’t love someone out of nowhere but you wanting to befriend them again means a lot.

„But I don’t want to be friends only.“

Everyone’s facepalming again.

„Yes, Woo Young. I am sure you’re not able to be only friends with any female creature out there.“

„No, it’s only with you! I promise.“ His face wears a serious expression and you couldn’t say that a lot about the boy.

„You’re giving us a chance?“ Hong Joong eyes you shyly with a small smirk.

„I said friends. What happens then is not written yet. Also I don’t want to be kidnapped by anyone ever again! I am still getting goosebumps.“

Everyone’s laughing including you and your heart literally combust when you feel Yeo Sang‘s lips on your cheek. Your cheek wettens because of his tears but also the area begins to tickle until you feel it in your whole body.

He pushed back and watches you with loving eyes.

„I love you.“

Oh god, since when can you hear his voice in your head?

─────────────────────

↺ back to navi

─────────────────────

[jrenvs3000]

Nature and history - an interview with a Russian studies grad!

I was very excited this week to talk to my lovely co-worker (let’s call her K for anonymity) who holds a B.A. in Russian Studies from the University of McGill. I wanted to do an interview with her for this week’s blog prompt, as her thesis project was looking at the historical relationship between Russian people in the 19th and 20th centuries and environmental issues. My questions to her will be marked with J and be bolded, and her replies will be marked with a K and not be bolded. Some of the questions came indirectly from the questions posed in unit 5 about historical writing, as cited.

J: So, tell me a bit about your thesis.

K: In a nutshell, my thesis looked at how different authors in the 19th and 20th centuries in Russia/Soviet Union wrote about environmental issues and how their writing reflects the history of changes made to the land during these periods. I also contrasted different philosophical perspectives on humans’ relationship to nature and animals and how these different perspectives led to different types of eco-conscious perspectives, such as different ways of arguing for the protection of the natural world.

J: And why Russia? What drew you to the people and their culture?

K: It was kind of a random thing, my mom suggested I read some Chekhov when I was a teenager, which really sparked my interest. In university, I took an elective in Russian studies in my first year, and it inspired me to completely switch departments! I also think Russian as a language is fascinating from a grammatical point of view, which made learning it a lot easier.

A portrait of Anton Chekhov, taken in 1902. Taken from Britannica under public domain. 

J: Being around a lot of scientists throughout my degree, I have come across some eye-rolling from people who feel that art or history are not as “important” or “difficult”. We’ve all someone talk about doing a “dead end art history degree” just for something to do. What would you say to these kinds of people?

K: I think that when one states that science is “more important” than history or literature or art etc., this kind of attitude fails to take into account the fact that science and art go hand in hand and can’t really be separated from each other. So much science is reflected in the arts and made accessible to people through its treatment in literature, and many of history’s greatest thinkers have been invested in both the sciences and the arts (Da Vinci comes to mind as the best example).          

One example that comes to mind that shows how literature and science are inseparable comes from my favourite author, Chekhov. Two of his plays, The Wood Demon and Uncle Vanya, have characters who are obsessed with planting trees and with critiquing deforestation and damage being done to the wild animals living in the area. A lot of what these characters have to say about this is based on Chekhov’s interest in cartography and geography, and on the scientific research he was reading. Specifically, he relied a lot on the work of this climate scientist named Voeikov, who did research on how trees affect the climate and how deforestation negatively impacts soil and air quality. Whereas today few people remember Voeikov and his research on climate change (I am probably one of about 10 people who have read his work this century *laughs*), quite a few people know about his research indirectly through reading Chekhov! And Chekhov’s work has encouraged scholars to go back and examine the history of deforestation etc. in Russia which has led to the conclusion that a lot of authors were voicing concerns about environmental issues well before anybody else noticed the severity of the problem.

J: I have to say, never heard of him, but it certainly sounds like he was influential! In your opinion through your studies, how do you feel understanding a community’s relationship with nature in the past can shape our relationship with nature in the future?

K: Within the context of my research, I think it’s very interesting that even close to 200 years ago, scientists and literary figures were analyzing the problematic elements of different societies’ relationships to nature using language and arguments that are remarkably similar to modern environmentalism. With regards to how this might help shape our relationship with nature in the future, I think that it’s important to recognize that many of the nature-based problems we see today (deforestation, poor water quality, damage to animal populations) are not new problems and that they are not going away any time soon. In a way it helps you to realize the gravity of the situation when you’re aware that there are several centuries of accomplished scientists and authors screaming at you from their writing to do something about the problem. In a more general sense, when we think about the importance of nature to the development of more or less every single community ever to exist (think, for example, about the fact that nature and animals are present in all folklore and in all older cultural forms), that serves as a reminder that going forward, we need to maintain a healthy relationship with our surroundings, if not for the sake of the natural world itself then for our own survival.

J: Whose story is primarily being told when we look at history? Is it biased?

K: With regards to the voice of the storytellers, lots of straight white men. I can’t think of many Russian authors who don’t fall into that category, however one interesting thing I looked at was the class difference between 19th- and 20th-century writing on the environment. In the 19th century it was mostly members of the Russian nobility writing about their land (i.e. very rich landowners who primarily interacted with nature through hunting and had indentured servants actually working the land for them). The Soviet author I wrote on was from a poor village in the middle of Siberia, which affected the way his characters viewed nature. To sum up the differences between the two groups, in the 19th century most writers employed what’s defined as an anthropocentric perspective which maintains a firm divide between humans and nature. Anthropocentric arguments for the preservation of nature are typically about why this is good for humans and not why it’s good for nature or animals themselves. In the 20th century the writer I examined wrote from an ecocentric perspective in which nature and animals and people all have intrinsic value and are equally important! Ecocentric arguments for the protection of the environment look at why it’s good for the environment itself. This doesn’t mean that in the 19th century nobody cared about the environment, it just means that their arguments for conserving nature were focused on why it would be good for people to be good to the land, while the 20th-century Siberian villagers didn’t really see themselves as being separated from nature by any cultural or philosophical constructs.

 J: K, thank you! Seriously, it is so interesting that even though you have a Bachelor of Arts and I’m nearly done my Bachelor of Science, the things we’ve both learned would not be possible without each others fields. Thank you for shedding some light on the history of nature!

Hingley, R. F. (2021, January 25). Anton Chekhov. Retrieved from Britannica:               https://www.britannica.com/biography/Anton-Chekhov

[leidensygdom]

1, 2, 12, 13, 26!

OKAY SO I’m gonna try to focus on the campaign  I’m running myself (Gharmyra) because I’ve had so much RP over all these years and so on I wouldn’t ever stop talking otherwise. It’s gonna be a good way to talk a bit more on what has had Syg been invested into for the past half year!

1. A favorite character you have played.

I think that out of all the NPCs in the campaign I’m running, I’m enjoying Vest the most. He’s an old character of mine (Vor’kalth/Veth’shal, as he’s gone through many names in-character) who I really enjoyed back in the day but couldn’t RP since forever. While working on the campaign’s prep, one of the players mentioned he’d be multiclassing to warlock, and it was both a great way to introduce watchers early on (since Vest, as an undead, is a watcher) and getting to use him again. And I’m really glad I did that, because he’s been hella enjoyable and was probably a much better choice than a possibly edgy-brooding-patron instead.

2. Your favorite character that someone else has played.

oh god this one is just too hard to answer I hate playing favorites with other people’s characters. But p much if I’ve RPed with you I love ur character xoxo

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from.

OH god so we have a few--

There’s a running joke over Yu’Yden, that cutie up above, being the BBEG. To the point we have an exclusive channel in which I keep track of the times he’s been called evil. So far, he’s been called evil 44 times

Another one of them is bacteria. It came up on accident, I think it was @eine-krone​‘s character (Hákarl) who mentioned it, and then we realized “shit, this is an industrial setting, bacterias aren’t a thing”. So canonically his... character, who’s an artificer, has invented a soap that kills bacteria. Except nobody knows what are they. Just a marketing thing.

Hákarl’s character also scores very bad in medicine, to the point he often gets crit-fails. As he put it, “he’s a machine-doctor, not a human-doctor”. Most times he checks for someone’s health, it leads to an “inconclusive analysis” on knowing if the person is either dead or alive. He’s currently writing a report on another party member’s defunction, despite how she’s alive. And well. And talking and so on

The monk eats about anything. Including magic items. Specially magic items. Anytime we come in contact with something edible-looking or just... shiny, he rolls a wisdom save to determine if he’ll eat it or not. This is getting problematic, since he once ate a puzzle piece, and he went through a room filled with poisonous pies and ate a couple of them (and he didn’t eat the rest because the party was examining those). One of the things he ate sometimes whispers him stuff. (and for the record, the character’s a human. A regular human)

The roguelock just never sleeps okay. Being a kalashtar, she should be able to have nice sleep, since she literally cannot have nightmares per se, but- She just doesn’t. This is also dice-rolled, and she rarely, rarely scores anything over 10. And if she does, seeing her feeling okay usually scares the rest of the party

Actually, she just has awful luck. Like, she defies all statics overall. A grand majority of her rolls are below 10, or even below 5. She has a +9 bonus to perception, but rest assured, she’ll never score more than 15 on it.

In the same manner, Vest (the roguelock’s patron) can use his own cantrips to do stuff, as long as it’s for comical purpose and not actually interfering with battles or the plot. He will use these for nefarious reasons. Or to steal shinies. Specially to steal shinies. 

There’s a cutie pink tiefling NPC, Isolde, who can be summoned at any point by holding chocolate. No matter what. She’s also effectively inmortal as far as we know.

One of the players has this sheet where he keeps track of all the incognitos, questions and theories about the plot. It’s two-sided, and he filled one side already. And I think the only item they have solved for now was because I officially confirmed “no, there are no aliens either”

I wanna mention Eine did a whole mind map to keep track of the plot too. It’s complicated

13. Introduce your current party.

Ok so lemme introduce my player’s characters!!

This cheerful guy here is Glar, the human monk. He was sold by his family to a thieves’ gang to settle down a debt, and was raised rough. The thieves’ gang kinda disbanded after the two guys in charge got in a big fight, and he’s been trying to figure out his life ever since. Chaotic to hell and beyond, often the comic relief of the group.

This guy here is Hákarl (Cousin Hákarl, legally), a dwarf-goliath artificer and @eine-krone​ ‘s character. Dwarf goliath means he has the proportions of a dwarf but the height of a goliath, and everything about him is pure cryptid fuel. He owns a business which invents all sort of weird gadgets: Everyday items made into weapons, soap, plushies, etc. In his backstory, he... Split his soul in half and put the other half in a warforged as his bachelor’s thesis. Except all the nice things about himself were in that side of the soul. So, the warforged (Ténn) is a sweet cinnamon roll, while Hákarl is certainly cursed. He also wants to destroy Gharda (one of the nations) and commit deicide.

And this one is Laestis Luvali, the rogue-warlock kalashtar. She’s baby, really. Born in the first caste (akin to nobles in this setting), she’s has been realizing her peers are actually pretty awful. Her and her family have now cut ties with the first caste and have moved with The Chain, the rebel ludite group that’s actively fighting against them. She’s a kalashtar because of the sword, a family relic passed down generations that their ancestor fetched from a war from a millenia ago, which... turned out to be sort of cursed. It has a watcher within, one of these crystal-undead beings. Vest, her patron, has been trying to reach the Luvali forever to maybe get himself out of there, and Laestis has been the first one to answer the call. And their friendship gives me life tbh

26. What was your favorite scene to write and show your characters.

oh gods i have so many i want to show them but HUH stuff I’ve done-

I really enjoyed when I introduced them to the first (enemy) watcher they had to deal with, Nilodus, and what happened after. 

It was just ominous as heck, and it was the point in which the players realized what kinda stuff were they facing. At the same time, I enjoyed a lot when one of the villains they had been facing (Uth’gaeel) transformed into some big crystal eldritch horror, with an animated battlemap and everything. The boss fights have been overall very fun, and I’m doing my best to homebrew them and make them interesting!! I have one planned I want to s c r e a m about. Overall I just have a lot of plans--

Anyways, thanks a lot for asking! And damn that was a long post

[lingbooks]

Wordslut: A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language

While I know a lot of linguists who are feminists, there is some tension between feminist ideals and the anti-prescriptivist approach that linguists take towards language. Linguists, as a general rule, aim to document and examine language as it is used, without providing their own opinions on how they think language should be used. This approach to language allows linguists to show that certain forms of language, from split infinitives to singular they, are not bad or wrong or “grammatically incorrect.” However, when it comes to sexist language, it’s a lot harder to say that there’s no such thing as “bad” language use. 

Some of the questions that arise are easily answered. It is fairly easy to distinguish between using slurs and splitting infinitives, as slurs are meant to hurt or disparage people, while split infinitives only offend the sensibilities of some long dead men who desperately wished English were more like Latin. But what about less malicious language use that still has sexist undertones? What about calling ships or storms she? What about using the word guys to refer to groups that contain women?

 I thought a lot about this contradiction while reading Wordslut: A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language by Amanda Montell, a book that attempts to cover a wide variety of topics related to language and gender. Montell’s background in linguistics admittedly isn’t particularly extensive—she has a bachelor’s degree in linguistics, but she’s primarily a journalist who only occasionally writes about linguistics. (I should probably also state that, depending on how you count my graduate work in a related field, I have the same amount of linguistics education, so I’m not going to make any judgments on who “really counts” as a linguist.) That said, Wordslut is definitely a linguistics book—and a pretty good one at that.

 Wordslut covers a broad variety of topics in sociolinguistics. Some are expected. The first chapter discusses the variety of (often derogatory) slang words used to describe women, while another chapter discusses the ways women speak to each other. Other chapters cover topics I see less frequently. One chapter, for example, looks at how women swear, while another looks at the vast array of slang words used to refer to genitalia. (I’d warn you that this book is NSFW, but if you’re reading a book entitled Wordslut at work in the first place, you’re a braver soul than I am.) One of my favorite chapters focused on how gay people speak, including both discussions of gay slang as well as examining why there’s a “gay voice” but no real “lesbian voice.” While I already was familiar with some of the topics in the chapter, I was not aware of Polari, a sort of code once used by British gay men as early as the 1500s that gave us such words as twink, camp, and fantabulous, and now I definitely want to know more about it. On a similar note, throughout the book, Montell makes sure to discuss queer, trans, and nonbinary experiences when relevant, which provides perspective that’s usually lacking in older writing about language and gender.

I did find that the quality varied from chapter to chapter—or even within the same chapter. Consider, for example, the chapter on catcalling. One section of the chapter compared catcalling behaviors with linguistic studies on compliments, breaking down precisely why catcalling is not a compliment. I thought this was a really interesting analysis, but I found the rest of the chapter fairly dull; some of it discussed facts I (and most other feminists) already know about how men dominate conversations and interrupt women, while other parts talked about the act of catcalling more generally. (A problem I found throughout the book is that Montell sometimes chose to discuss general feminist issues without really tying them back to linguistics.) While some of this unevenness is to be expected in a book with such a broad scope, one pattern emerged: I generally enjoyed the portions discussing how women speak, such as the chapter about conversational norms in groups of women or the section about the many uses of like, more than the portions discussing how women are spoken about. Perhaps this is because the former read like a celebration, while the latter was more of a rant. Montell is not happy about how our culture talks about women, and while I don’t disagree with her, I often found myself more frustrated than properly fired up.

It is worth noting that Montell is not an impartial voice throughout the book. She wants our language to become more equitable. Mostly, her ambitions are good. (And in her defense, she notes that certain approaches to making language more equitable, such as attempts in 70s to create a “women’s language” or storming a dictionary headquarters to demand the word slut be removed, are unlikely to be successful.) But in doing so, sometimes her own linguistic biases shine through. Consider, for example, an anecdote from the intro of the book, where Montell gives the following speech to a woman who critiques her use of the word y’all:

I like to see y’all as an efficient and socially conscious way to handle the English language’s lack of a second-person plural pronoun. I could have used the word you to address the two girls, but I wanted to make sure your daughter knew I was including her in the conversation. I could also have said you guys, which has become surprisingly customary in casual conversation, but to my knowledge, neither of these children identifies as male, and I try to avoid using masculine terms to address people who aren’t men, as it ultimately works to promote the sort of linguistic sexism many have been fighting for years. I mean, if neither of these girls is a guy, then surely together they aren’t guys, you know?

 It’s a nice “take down the prescriptivist” story in some ways, but while I agree that y’all is a perfectly acceptable and useful word, Montell tries to argue that she chose to use y’all not just because her geographical and linguistic background make it the natural choice for her but because it’s the best choice, thereby turning an anti-prescriptivist argument into a prescriptivist one. Later in the same speech, she dismisses the option of using the pronoun yinz because it “doesn’t roll off the tongue nicely.”  I’m more intrigued, however, by her insistence that it would be sexist to use you guys. Montell notes, “Many speakers genuinely believe guys has become gender neutral. However, scholars agree that guys is just another masculine generic in cozier clothing. There’d be no chance of you gals earning the same lexical love.”  However, she provides no real evidence that guys isn’t truly neutral to speakers who use it, only that it is less marked than gals and that only masculine terms can ever reach this level of unmarkedness. I can’t help but wonder if it’s speakers who are excluding women when using phrases like you guys or if Montell simply hears it that way due to her own linguistic background.

 Another issue I had with this book is that it heavily focuses on English. While the topics discussed throughout the book are fairly universal, only one chapter provides any non-English examples. However, given how Montell handles these non-English examples, especially those from non-Western languages, in that one chapter, that might be for the best. The chapter examines how grammatical gender affects speakers’ perceptions of natural gender, as well as the political consequences, and at points, it’s very effective. I was particularly intrigued by her discussion of French feminists’ attempts to introduce feminine terms for certain jobs in a language where words like doctor are obligatorily masculine (and l’Académie Française is trying very hard to keep them that way). A few pages later, Montell moves onto talk about more complex gender and noun class systems. She gives the now famous example of Dyirbal, where most animate nouns belong to one noun class but “women, fire, and dangerous things” belong to another. She then concludes that this demonstrates that this shows something about Dyirbal speakers’ worldviews—that they see everything as masculine unless it could “literally kill you.” It’s a compelling argument in some ways, but it’s hard to discuss Dyirbal speakers’ worldviews without remembering one thing: Dyirbal is an indigenous Australian language with a single-digit number of native speakers. Yes, it has an interesting—and perhaps problematic—approach to gender, but it’s tied to a very specific (and mostly eradicated) cultural context, and it simply isn’t problematic in the same way as l’Académie Française. 

Overall, while I had my issues with Wordslut, I had a good time reading it . It’s not a must read, but if you’re looking for a fun, modern source on gender and language, it’s certainly entertaining and informative. It’s also a book that can definitely be enjoyed by linguists and non-linguists alike; there’s not much jargon that would trip up a non-linguist, but it covers a wide enough variety of topics that linguists (at least those who don’t specialize in sociolinguistics) won’t already know everything it covers. In general, if you’re interested in linguistics and feminism, you’ll probably have a good time and learn something new.

TL;DR

Overall rating: 3.5/5 Good for linguists? Yes, unless you’re already an expert in sociolinguistics Good for non-linguists? A definitive yes, since this assumes no background in linguistics Strong points: Broad scope and a fun, modern overview of the intersection between language and gender Weak points: Very English-centric, and the author’s outrage overshadows the actual information sometimes

[foxgraphics325]

Divinity 2 How To Remove Collar

The quest gives you a perk in exchange for -2 con. By far the best perk is the idol of rebirth which revives a character once upon death and can be recharged by a resurrect scroll. What is little known is that you can pickpocket the idol of rebirth before doing the quest. (2017) Divinity Original Sin 2 How to remove Source Collars - FOR DONATIONS: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/RPGDivision. https://foxgraphics325.tumblr.com/post/654434163888406528/body-model-sketch.

There are 2 ways to remove your source collars in Act l. - 1st way can be done really early but only works for your main character by winning the undergound arena in Fort Joy. The hatch is located in Griff's Kitchen. After winning the battle , you can talk to Nebora , the female merchant sits next to Fort Joy main entrance. She will remove the collar for you. - 2nd way works for everyone in the party but you have to first escape Fort Joy , find the Seeker Hideout then help them looking for thier lost leader , Gareth. Once Gareth is brought back , you can talk to Leya , she sits just next to the statue of goddess Amadia. She'll remove your party source collars.

Divinity 2 How To Remove Collar Light

Divinity Original Sin 2 How To Remove Collar From Party Members

Youtube

Divinity Original Sin 2 Wiki

Note: This is ONLY to be used to report spam, advertising, and problematic (harassment, fighting, or rude) posts. Otherwise, you can remove the collar and get thrown into the prison as a way to escape. Join Our Newsletter and keep up to date on the latest from HyperX. I made two custom characters but only one of them received that tag. There are 2 ways to remove your source collars in Act l. - 1st way can be done really early but only works for your main character by winning the undergound arena in Fort Joy. It lets you equip a neck piece, so if you don't mind magisters attacking on sight it does offer a slight benefit. I got it removed, but then that turned the rest of my island experience into Magister murder time - though I think it would become that anyway once they see you sneaking into the fort. Removing your Source Collar isn’t a twostep process that ends early in the game. Champion tag? I returned his amulet to Leya at the sanctuary to remove the rest of my party´s collars, but now she won´t speak to me .. Help me please remove collars bugged! Once you’ve finished the combat trial, speak with The Thorny One again. Only that person gets the dialogue to remove the collar. All trademarks are property of their respective owners in the US and other countries. If you become the champion of the arena, you can convince her to take your collar off (only the main character). In this playthrough, when I won the area, the NPC said to me 'Wow you keep winning again and again' which was weird as technically this was my first time.? Divinity: Original Sin 2. Once you’ve saved Garteh, return to Leya and speak with her once more at the Sanctuary of Amadia. All trademarks are property of their respective owners in the US and other countries. At this point, head out of the arena and look for Nebora, a woman near several Blacksmith tools in the Fort Joy area. I already have two other ways to get in there. Removing Your Main Source Collar To get Nebora to remove your personal Source Collar, you must first become Arena champion. I suppose it is the one who talked to the arena master starting the fight. Travel with your party to the Ruined Castle in the Hollow Marshes to the north. L. Joined: Oct 2017 Posts: 4: … Starting out on the Super Nintendo with Super Mario World, and ending up in the world of next-generation gaming. I am not ready or have no intention of taking on the entire fort. The quest gives you a perk in exchange for -2 con. In my last playthrough, I won the arena and Nebora removed my collar for me. Instead, go around and climb the vines on the south side to scale the wall and reach the upper level of the castle ruins. This site uses cookies to provide enhanced features and functionality. The first thing you need to do to remove your Source Collar is make your way into the kitchen at Fort Job. To remove your personal character’s Source Collar in Divinity: Original Sin 2, you must complete the quest titled The Collar, which you should have acquired upon starting the game. Starting point The Hold. Head to the Camp Kitchen in Fort Joy and go outside. The hatch is located in Griff's Kitchen. Nebora is offering to after winning in the Arena. Having that happen to that character might turn out to be a good thing, so just roll with it ;), Fixed the issue :D I simply plugged in a second controller, chose to challenge a member of my party (lockpie hoe) and beat my friends to death, now I am pogchamp :D. Note: This is ONLY to be used to report spam, advertising, and problematic (harassment, fighting, or rude) posts. In fact, it’s going to take you a good few hours to reach the point where you can actually remove your Source Collar and start throwing around magic spells. don't be too worried about only your mule getting the collar removed. Why would you want to do that? After winning the arena combat trial, return to The Thorny One. All rights reserved. NOTE: If Lohse's collar is already removed (after the Blacksmith Nebora removes it for Lohse's winning of the Arena match), then you won't be given the option from the dwarf Duggan to persuade Leya to remove your (and your party's) collar even if … Not Four. He holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Creative Writing for Entertainment. In this article we’ll walk you through how to remove your Source Collar in Divinity: Original Sin 2, which will allow you to start casting spells upon your enemies once more. So I have ecided not to take her up on her offer. Source Collars prevent your ability to utilize Source magic, limiting your true potential in combat. Attributes, combat skills, civil skills, talents, tags. During this sequence, Gareth will be in combat with another group, and you’ll need to fight off all of the Magisters and speak to Gareth. Nebora is a NPC in Divinity: Original Sin 2. Nebora information. Español - Latinoamérica (Spanish - Latin America). Español - Latinoamérica (Spanish - Latin America). Josh has been exploring fantastic worlds and getting lost in video games for as long as he can remember. Make sure the character that is talking to Nebora have the Champion of the Arena tag. © Valve Corporation. Once you’re outside again, pass through the Camp Kitchen and locate Nebora’s tent down the steps just beyond the Shrine. For a visual walkthrough on how to remove all Source Collars from your party members in Divinity: Original Sin 2, check out this tutorial video from RPG Division. Depending on your level, and what quest lines you have developed. The hotfix addresses a number of player-reported issues. Help! Note: This is ONLY to be used to report spam, advertising, and problematic (harassment, fighting, or rude) posts. You won't find a source point till after the fort and there isn't much in between the fort and where you can get the collars removed from everyone (and the entire fort aggros you after the fort anyway). Other potential party members will have their own Source Collars as well. All Discussions Screenshots Artwork Broadcasts Videos Workshop News Guides Reviews. Should I remove the collar while still in the Fort. Larryn is a full-time editor who has written guides and editorial features for various gaming websites. To remove your personal character’s Source Collar in Divinity: Original Sin 2, you must complete the quest titled The Collar, which you should have acquired upon starting the game. All rights reserved. 09 Apr 2020 19:28 . Follow these steps to remove the Source Collars from your party in Divinity: Original Sin 2. Removing Collars early (Potential Spoilers). Note: This is ONLY to be used to report spam, advertising, and problematic (harassment, fighting, or rude) posts. In my last playthrough, I won the arena and Nebora removed my collar for me. And all the NPC's spam WHERES YOUR COLLAR? Only if you are ready to be sneaky or fight. Nebora is offering to. Make sure that Gareth is not killed during the fight. The camp is past Fort Joy, which means you've already escaped, possibly have access to source, and all magisters at the prison are hostile. Leya Fort Joy. Divinity: Original Sin 2 > General Discussions > Topic Details. The opportunity to remove the Source Collars off the rest of your party members will come much later in the game, after you have escaped from Fort Joy. In this article we’ll walk you through how to remove your Source Collar in Divinity: Original Sin 2, which will allow you to start casting spells upon your enemies once more. You won't really be rolling in any kind of source points to use your skill until you exit the fort anyway, so no rush to get it off. How to Remove Your Source Collar . There's literally no reason to. unless you make some RP reason to, I suppose. To do this, you’re going to need to be prepared to go a bit further into the game, after you have escaped Fort Joy.

How To Remove Collar In Divinity 2

https://foxgraphics325.tumblr.com/post/653612133610848256/deezer-ariana-grande. Bridal Hair Consultation Questions,Bmw E9 For Sale Uk,Scottish School Holidays 2020 Dumfries Galloway,Guo Cheng Height,Edexcel Economics A Level 2019 Paper 1,Homelink Rear View Mirror,Charlotte Baughman Obama,Tempo Storm Net Worth,Escarabajo De Mar,Homeworld Cataclysm Quotes,Lg Dlex3700v Wifi Setup,Caribbean Hurricane Damaged Homes For Sale,Reflected Ceiling Plan Autocad,James Wright Tiktok Net Worth,Tera Term User Manual,Simply Put,He Lives Hymn Pdf,Is Eagle A Carnivore,Ruth Bader Ginsburg Mbti,Roblox Gui Script,What Nationality Is Karina Carvalho,El Norte (pelicula),Roles And Responsibilities Of A Bookkeeper,Nba2k20 Error Code 7d1cdfe7,How To Thicken A Horses Neck,Sheffield Bands Of The 80s,Nike Missile Sites Pittsburgh,

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

In the divisive issue of voting access, there’s a rare area of consensus on the value of maintaining up-to-date voter rolls. Advocates on every side agree that it’s important to strike ineligible voters, both because it speeds up the process of voting and it reduces the possibility for voter fraud. But how to keep the rolls updated is highly contested — so much so that the Supreme Court is hearing arguments today on whether Ohio is using an illegal approach to strike voters from its lists.

At issue in the case, Husted v. A. Philip Randolph Institute, is whether the state’s procedure for maintaining accurate voter rolls, which uses failure to vote as a trigger for the removal process, is acceptable — even if legitimate voters are getting scrubbed in the process.

A review of Ohio voter data shows that the degree of purging varies from county to county, and in some cases the procedure’s application can depend on how local officials choose to implement it. Although these variations won’t be addressed before the court today, the court challenge highlights the extent to which an individual voter’s ability to cast a ballot could depend on where he or she lives, an increasingly pressing concern as states take divergent approaches to establishing voter eligibility.

Processes like Ohio’s may also introduce more opportunities for racial or political disparities in who gets purged from voter rolls. Critics of the Ohio approach, for example, contend that the procedure disproportionately affects minority voters affiliated with the Democratic Party, who tend to cast their ballots less frequently and are therefore at greater risk of being removed.

The decision in this case could easily have consequences for presidential elections, given Ohio’s importance as a swing state. Moreover, according to legal experts, the outcome could signal how the Supreme Court might rule in other, further-reaching cases on laws affecting the voting process.

In every state, local election officials have to engage in a bit of routinized detective work to maintain the accuracy of voter rolls: Officials compare their lists with change-of-address databases from the U.S. Postal Service, state and federal vital statistics that list recent deaths, and records of people who have been convicted of felonies. They then prune voters who have moved, died or lost their eligibility to vote.

It’s a fraught and complicated process, which is why a handful of states — including Ohio — use an additional measure in a bid for efficiency. Ohio’s local election boards first send notices to voters who haven’t cast ballots in the previous two years. If those voters don’t confirm their address and don’t vote in the subsequent four years or interact with the electoral system in other ways, like by signing a petition, they’re removed from the rolls — even if they’re haven’t moved and are still eligible to vote.

In the summer of 2015, Ohio used this process to remove tens of thousands of voters who hadn’t cast a ballot since 2008 — a potentially pivotal move in a state where recent presidential elections have been decided by as few as 100,000 votes.

Attorneys from Demos, a left-leaning think tank, and other voting rights groups sued in response to the purge, arguing that by using failure to vote as a trigger for sending the notice, Ohio had violated the 1993 National Voter Registration Act, which prohibits states from yanking voters’ registration merely because they didn’t participate in an election.

State officials, by contrast, say the removal happens because the voters didn’t respond to the notice, not because they didn’t vote. In their view, the system is protecting the integrity of the voter rolls by catching ineligible voters who haven’t notified the postal service that they’ve changed their address.

Ohio’s Republican secretary of state, Jon Husted, has pointed out that the process has been used under Democratic and Republican administrations. “Our goal is to make it easy to vote and hard to cheat,” said Matthew McClellan, the communications director for Husted’s office. “It benefits the voter to have accurate lists — there’s less processing time when they come to vote, and there are fewer opportunities for fraud.”

A federal appellate court did not agree. In response to the lawsuit, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit struck down Ohio’s process less than two months before Election Day. Voters who had been slated to be purged were able to cast a ballot that November, but the fate of the process will now be decided by the Supreme Court.

Whatever the ultimate ruling, it’s clear that some of Ohio’s 88 local boards of elections purge voters for inactivity at much higher rates than others.1

Some of these differences can be chalked up to local quirks. Linda Stutz — the director of elections for Van Wert County, which has one of the highest rates of purging due to inactivity in the state — said she suspected her county stood out because it’s just over the border from several large hospitals in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

“A lot of people go to those hospitals, and if they die, they die in Indiana,” she said. “That means we don’t get the same notification that they’re deceased, so it’s likelier that we won’t remove them immediately and they’ll go on inactive status when they don’t vote or respond to the notice.”

Karla Herron, meanwhile, is the director of the board of elections for Delaware County, which has one of the lowest rates of removal due to inactivity. She speculated that residents of her county — who are twice as likely as Ohio residents overall to have a bachelor’s degree — are more highly educated and therefore more politically engaged.

In several counties, though, rates of removal appear to be tied to variations in the way the process is applied. Herron said that she and her team painstakingly double-check voters’ status before removing them; others rely on computer systems to tell them if a voter has been mistakenly labeled inactive; and one elections official admitted that she doesn’t always remove voters from the rolls when she’s supposed to.

Only 122 of Wyandot County’s 15,369 registered voters as of November 2014 were removed for inactivity in 2016. The director of the board of elections, Debra Passet, stressed that this was partially due to her team’s reluctance to remove voters for inactivity. “We really try to give people the benefit of the doubt,” she said. “I’ll leave people on the rolls for a few extra years, because what’s the harm in keeping them on there?”

Stuart Naifeh, the Demos attorney arguing the case before the Supreme Court, said he wasn’t surprised to hear that some counties were more zealous about purging voters than others. For a while, he said, counties were sending out different types of notices to warn voters that they were about to be placed on inactive status. “Some counties were sending a postcard, which is easier for people to miss or ignore than a letter in an envelope,” he said. “But it was also simpler to deal with than what other counties were sending out, which was a more detailed notice that essentially required people to reregister to vote.”

For critics, the lack of uniformity highlights just how problematic the process can be. “In theory, it’s supposed to be uniform, but in practice it can be quite individualized,” said Freda Levenson, legal director of the ACLU of Ohio, one of the other organizations challenging the state’s process. “We really don’t want a person’s ability to vote to be determined by the luck of where they live.”

And if voters show up to vote and find out they’ve been scrubbed from the rolls, there can also be variations in the process for obtaining provisional ballots, which would be counted if the voters are determined to actually be registered.

Of course, Naifeh and the other attorneys on his team contend that even if the process were being implemented completely consistently across the state, it would still be illegal. That perspective is shared by some local elections officials, who signed onto an amicus brief arguing that there are better ways to maintain the voter rolls than Ohio’s process. They said that the possibility that legitimate voters may be scrubbed from the rolls wasn’t worth the risk.

[theblogchelor]

Week Four aka These Boots Are Made For Waukesha-kin’

Here’s What Happened Monday

Corinne is just NOT there for the right reasons! Ugh! Sweet Baby Nurse Danielle speaks about her like she’s her problematic adolescent child and she just doesn’t know how to parent her anymore. Sweet Canadian Vanessa doesn’t even want a man who would humor such hussy tomfoolery. While Corinne smile-sleeps off in some well-lit bedroom, the girls muster their bravado and narc on her. Nick, our disarmingly adorable gentleman, just bats his dark lashes and begs them to be patient with Corinne so he can see her boobs for a few more weeks.

At the Rose Ceremony, Nick boots off human gossip sponge Christen and nondescript travel nurse Brittany, who cries that she’s never even told anyone she loved them but thought The Bachelor would be a healthy place to start.

Corinne, rose in hand, gives a delightfully infuriating speech about the privilege of being there. If you happened to feel a slight shift underfoot last night, that was the force of the girls’ collective eye rolls throwing off the earth’s orbit.

Travel Time! aka It’s Very Apparent That No One Knows How To Dress For Wisconsin

Surprise – we’re headed to the Midwest! (Somewhere on the editing room floor lies the footage of fifteen girls silently processing what they did to deserve this.)

Once the plane touches down in beautiful almost-Milwaukee, Nick meets with his parents – parents of a son, I’ll remind you, who has been on The Bachelor for most of his adult life. Mom is a walking Xanax zombie with a Kate Gosselin haircut and Dad clearly parted ways with his soul a long, long time ago. They listen to Nick’s speech about Really Finding Love This Time and beg him not to do this to them anymore.

The First One-On-One Date aka Sweet Other Danielle Gets Trapped in Waukesha With Nick Viall

Danielle wins for best nightmare date: Nick takes her to a bakery to make fun of Chris Harrison, to a café to chat with an ex (why?), to a soccer field to discuss his first adventures in public indecency, and to a country concert to rudely make out onstage while some poor haircut tries to sing his terrible song for the people who actually paid money to be there. On Wisconsin!

The Group Date aka You Best Believe Corinne Will Not Be Touching An Udder

Nick takes all of his leather-clad, high-heeled girlfriends to a farm to do farm things because Wisconsin. Nick has never been anywhere near a farm and tries to quit the show at least three times during this date but he’s too institutionalized to face the outside world and stays. Most of the women are equally as repulsed by all the nature, except for Sarah Hyland the kindergarten teacher who just cannot with the wholesome cuteness of the pastoral aesthetic.

Everyone whines about shoveling poop (which honestly, understandable) until Corinne whines about shoveling poop, and then everyone whines about Corinne whining about poop. Corinne’s confessionals in this segment are just incredible: aggressively asking if her *boobs* are immature, describing herself metaphorically as juicy corn, and comparing herself to Michael Jordan and Abraham Lincoln.

Russian Dental Hygienist Kristina wins the date rose for no discernable reason.

The Second One-On-One Date aka Sweet Sociopath Raven Gets Trapped On Wheels With Nick Viall

Nick, weird sicko, takes Raven to watch his baby sister play soccer on the field where he lost his virginity. There they meet his sad, sad parents and take a random child up on her offer to join the other children roller-skating.

At the skating rink, Raven talks to young Bella Viall about her intentions with the nearly forty-year-old man on roller skates pretending to be a bird behind them.

Later, at dinner, Raven tells Nick a charming story about bashing in her ex-boyfriend’s head with his sidepiece’s stiletto. Nick, moved, gives Raven a rose and the two rollerblade off into the sunset.

Frenemies and Cliffhangers

The episode ends where it began – with everyone ganging up on Corinne. While Danielle L takes Nick outside to cuddle by the fire, Corinne confides in Josephine that Taylor is gross. Josephine nods and asks some follow up questions, not because she is genuinely interested, but because Corinne is sitting next to the snacks and Josephine needs a reason to stay.

Taylor, fed up, goes outside to Corinnterupt the fireside snuggling. Just as she starts complaining to Nick, Corinne comes out to Corinnterupt the Corinnteruption. This time she kicks out Nick (lol gtfo, bachelor) and shuts down Taylor’s condescending Psych 101 nonsense. It’s like watching a cat play with a mouse while the mouse squeaks on about emotional intelligence.

We leave that tension abruptly to discuss how Alexis is afraid of Nicolas Cage and aliens. Alexis, as always, is all of us.

Miscellaneous

Do you think they pay the girls in extra snacks to pretend to be excited when Chris Harrison walks in the room?

It’s a testament to the production of this show that the roller-skating date could possibly be more interesting than the poop-shoveling date.

A common theme tonight, echoed by Brittany, Danielle, and Raven, is that all former attempts at finding love had been scarring and The Bachelor seemed like their last hope. If we check the scoreboard, The Bachelor has about an 11% marriage success rate. Have these girls never heard of Tinder?

This week proved my growing suspicions that Corinne is playing us all like a fiddle. All she has to do is show some boob, take some naps, talk about Raquel, and boom: the girls gang up on her and effectively make her the martyr of their pettiness. Before we know it, Corinne will be in the top five and have the notoriety to secure herself a spot on Bachelor in Paradise and about 500k more Instagram followers. She’s a genius and we’re not worthy.

I can’t wait for week five.

[bestfriendforhire]

Entry 270

  After some gaming through lunch, we took to the shore and explored the island.  Aaliyah wanted to get her father a souvenir, and some of the others wanted to get something as well.  Personally, I felt bringing a souvenir to my parents from a bachelor party seemed a little odd.  Besides, they had been here several times.

 By the time we finished shopping, everyone was ready for dinner, so we went to the Nassau branch of the Intergalactic House of Awesome Sauce, knowing that Jarod would enjoy it.  The building looked completely out of place, matching the one at home precisely.

 “That’s because it is the same one, boss-man, sir.” stated Aaliyah.

 Everything around us was frozen in place, except for Mila.

 “Oh.  Right.  I suppose that was mentioned when I was on my date with Mila, but the concept is still a little bizarre to me.” I admitted.

 “Hello, James.  Hello, Mila.  Always wonderful to see you!  I was just talking with Aaliyah about how much Jarod is going to love today’s macaroni and cheese.” exclaimed Carl, seeming to appear out of nowhere.

 “Does he actually see you here later?” I asked.

 “Yes!  Well, no.  That is to say he does see me in this building again eventually, but not from here.” explained Carl.

 “Carl is informed of the satisfaction of every customer, boss-man, sir.  Customer service is important!” insisted Aaliyah.

 “Well, I obviously can’t argue, though I must admit to feeling I’m a bit of a slacker.” I replied.

 Mila was quick to assure me “We have you covered, master.  Don’t worry.”

 Before I could say any more, Carl was gone, and the group was walking into the restaurant.

 “What?  I mean… seriously… what!?” exclaimed Jesse upon stepping inside.

 “This is unbelievable…” whispered Marlin as she looked around.

 Alec shrugged and said, “Neat trick.  Think the food’s as good as I’ve heard?”

 Laughing, Jarod told him “Way better.  I promise.”

 We were led across blue sand to our table, a giant prism refracting the light of the fuschia sky.  Purple waters lapped the beach in the distance.  The trees here resembled palm trees but were made of similar crystal to the table.

 After we took our seats, Shaurya said, “We need to take some pictures.  No one will believe this.  I can’t tell we’re in a building right now.  Feel that breeze?”

 “It’s pretty chill though.  I like it.” stated Damien.

 “You really just get used to things like this when working for James.” claimed Brandon with a grin.

   Rolling her eyes, Lake said, “Yeah.  Sure, Brandon.”

 “The boss-man does have a sizable investment in the Intergalactic House of Awesome Sauce, so he isn’t exactly wrong.” insisted Aaliyah.

 “Did he forget to give us menus?” asked Jesse.

 “No.  The food’s on the way.  You don’t exactly order here.” I informed them.

 “I can be a bit picky, honestly.” she stated.

 “You’ll see.” I told her.

 Linnea, our server, deftly placed dishes around the table before asking “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

 “No.  Thank you.” I replied.

 “Are you sure?  I don’t know if I even want to try this.” stated Jesse.

 “If you don’t, I’ll eat it!  I love fajitas!” exclaimed Aaliyah.

 “Mother does love her food.” stated Mila with a smirk.

 “I’ve never seen fajitas look quite like this.” replied Jesse.

 “Shouldn’t things be more… Bahamian?” asked Damien, smiling at his pizza.

 Jarod laughed and said, “Not in this restaurant.”  Then he took a large bite out of his macaroni and cheese.

 “Hey, Aaliyah… What is this?” asked Lake.

 “Stuffed lamb breast!  You’ll love it!” she exclaimed.

 “These wings are great, and the cheese fries are probably the best I’ve ever had!” claimed Alec.

 “I’m impressed with this restaurant’s grasp of Thai cuisine.  This is very good.” stated Shaurya.

 “Whoa… This actually is good.” commented Jesse after finally taking a bite.

 “The food is great, but I still want to know how there’s a beach inside of a building.  I know it can’t be real with the crazy colors, but everything feels so real.  Should we try to find the walls, or would that be a big faux pas?” asked Marlin.

 “Let’s not disturb the other guests.” I suggested, not wanting to encourage questions about this place.

 “I guess, but wow…” she muttered, looking around some more.

 When we finished eating, we went back to the yacht for more gaming.  Most of them seemed to feel too full for anything more active, which was fine.  We didn’t have any tours scheduled until tomorrow.

 The night came quickly with everyone having fun.  Given that most of them were up still at two, I imagined a late start in the morning.  The sudden feeling of magic near me surprised me, and I looked over the side of the yacht to the source for answers.  Alma was walking across the water toward the boat.

 Wasn’t that a bit risky here?  What if someone was watching from the shore?  Even if someone woke up on the yacht, that could be trouble.  How did she even end up here?  Having noticed me watching, she ran toward me in full haste.

 “Intruder alert.  Intruder alert.” playfully remarked Mila as Alma hopped on deck.

 “Is something wrong?  What are you doing here?” I asked.

 “Didn’t Mila mention that my group is here as well?” she inquired.

 “The master never asked where you were heading.” stated Mila with a grin.

 Alma walked over to where Aaliyah was sleeping and poked her as she said, “I see.  Mind some company?”

 Mila lifted Aaliyah onto her lap, hugging her while giving Alma a disapproving look.

 “Not at all, but won’t the girls be missing you?” I asked.

 “The ones that sleep are sleeping.  Portentia dragged Raine out to ‘patrol’ with her.” replied Alma.

 “Is that safe?  I guess I should’ve expected Portentia to patrol even on vacation, but taking Raine along seems… problematic.” I told her.

 Smiling, she said, “Certainly not for criminals, but I’m sure they’ll be fine.  Portentia apparently stopped a murder last night.”

 “And Raine still agreed to come along?” I asked.

 “According to Portentia, they’re taking Pufflewink for a walk, master.” explained Mila.

 “I… see.” I stated, not thrilled with the idea.

 “If the island disappears by dawn, we’ll know something happened to Pufflewink.” teased Alma.

 “Ha ha.” I replied flatly.

 Mila quickly said, “Don’t worry, master.  Pufflewink was a gift from mother.  Mother certainly wouldn’t let her gift disappear this quickly.”

 “Let’s go for a swim.” suggested Alma.  “Mila certainly has things under control here.”

 “No power in the ‘verse can control mother.” argued Mila.

 “She seems content enough for now.” replied Alma.

 I was busy replaying the suggestion in my head and tiptoeing around the idea.  Alma was wearing a dress.  She might well have a swimsuit under the dress, since I doubted she’d actually go swimming in a dress.  On the other hand, a dress wouldn’t impair her ability to swim in the slightest, but what if she had something else in mind.  If she covered herself as she often covered the fey, she wouldn’t appear improper, right?  The idea was still provocative to me.  I wasn’t certain that swimming was the best idea for me right now.

 Then I was flying through the air, physically thrown off the side.  I heard a splash in the water before I had even landed, and a spell quickly stole my shirt, sending it flying back to the yacht.  I was still amused by how the ocean waters could no longer sting my eyes, but the sight of Alma’s bikini-clad body coming toward me was even more thrilling.  She was so beautiful.

 Both of us could hold our breath for an hour with ease, probably much longer.  The pressures of the depths weren’t challenging, at least as far as we went.  The beauty of the ocean couldn’t compare with the beauty at my side, but both views were spectacular.

 We didn’t need to speak.  Alma had dropped her protective spells to speak with me in the manner of the fey, her thoughts appearing in my head.  I worried over how well she could read my mind until I accidentally cut her off entirely.

 When we spotted a pod of dolphins, I followed Alma as she chased after them.  They seemed startled at first, but they grew friendly with me rather quickly.  Alma discovered she could actually communicate with them to some extent.  She projected thoughts into their minds, and they’d respond to her suggestions, such as scooping her up onto their backs.

 Morning came all too quickly, stealing away the last of my amazing night.  When the first rays of light touched the sky, we hurried back to the yacht.  Then Alma left to wherever the girls were staying.  I wondered at how many miles we swam in one night.  There was so much more I wanted to see in that underwater world.