#recognizing my value

[pumpkin-the-girlie-girl-vixen]

The Weight of Self-Awareness: Reflection on Friendship and Personal Growth

As I sit down to write this blog post, I'm met with a mix of emotions - sadness, frustration, and a hint of hope. The image I've attached to this post has been on my mind for days, and I feel compelled to share my thoughts on the topic. It's a quote that speaks to the challenges of dealing with people who lack self-awareness, and it's a theme that has been present in my life for far too long.

I've been fortunate enough to have a close friend who has been a constant presence in my life for many years. We've shared countless memories, laughed together, and supported each other through thick and thin. However, as time has gone on, I've come to realize that our friendship has been one-sided. My friend has always been the center of attention, and I've often found myself playing the role of the listener, the confidant, and the problem-solver.

At first, I didn't mind this dynamic. I was happy to be there for my friend, to offer a shoulder to cry on, and to provide advice when needed. But as the years went by, I began to feel like I was shouldering the entire burden of our friendship. My friend would call me at all hours of the day and night, expecting me to drop everything to listen to their problems. They would dominate conversations, barely letting me get a word in edgewise. And when I tried to share my own struggles and concerns, they would dismiss them or change the subject.

It wasn't until I read the quote attached to this post that I realized the true extent of the problem. "It is extremely difficult to deal with people with no self-awareness," it says. "They do things to other people, and never stop to think how their actions are affecting the people around them." This was my friend to a tee. They would do things that hurt me, that frustrated me, that made me feel like I was nothing more than an afterthought. And when I tried to talk to them about it, they would become defensive, dismissive, or even angry.

I've tried to address these issues with my friend, to explain how their behavior was affecting me. But they never seemed to understand, or even care. They would apologize, but the behavior would continue. And I would be left feeling frustrated, hurt, and alone.

As I reflect on this friendship, I'm reminded of the importance of self-awareness. It's the ability to recognize how our actions affect others, to consider the impact we have on those around us. Without it, we can cause harm, often unintentionally, but harm nonetheless. And when we're on the receiving end of that harm, it can be devastating.

I've come to realize that I deserve better. I deserve to be in a friendship where I'm valued, respected, and heard. I deserve to have a friend who is self-aware, who considers my feelings and needs. And I deserve to be in a relationship where I'm not shouldering the entire burden.

As I move forward, I'm committed to prioritizing my own needs and well-being. I'm committed to surrounding myself with people who are self-aware, who care about the impact they have on others. And I'm committed to being a better friend to myself, to recognizing my own worth and value.

To my friend, I want to say this: I hope you find self-awareness. I hope you learn to consider the impact you have on those around you. And I hope you find it in your heart to be a better friend, not just to me, but to everyone in your life.

To anyone who has been in a similar situation, I see you. I hear you. And I want you to know that you deserve better. You deserve to be in relationships where you're valued, respected, and heard. Don't settle for anything less.

As I close this blog post, I'm left with a sense of a bit of sadness, but also hope. I hope that my friend will find self-awareness one day for others in their life. I have hope knowing that I'll find new relationships that are built on mutual respect and understanding. And I hope that you, dear reader, will find the strength to prioritize your own needs and well-being.

Remember, you deserve better!

[claraoswalds]

#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition

[nevarroes]

One thing I absolutely adore about your account (which I feel does not get the recognition it well deserves) is that the further you scroll back you can see just how fat Gortash has gotten over time. It’s like a picture album of just how far he’s let himself go and I love it!!! I also realized that in the past three months or so, his upper arm rolls have gotten massive and they practically swallow his pudgy elbows at this point.

Keep up the good work!!! Every time you post is the highlight of my day.

P.S. Can’t wait to see just how much fatter Gortash gets, Cas deserves all the praise for his hard work!

thank u so much!!! 💜💜 super glad you think so, especially because they were very much meant to go through their relationship over the time I drew them!

[hellhoundmaggie]

Do you have any SDV hot takes?

Boy do I ever Anon! Thank you for giving me the chance to get on my soapbox about this.

Shane doesn't relapse when he is happily married to the Farmer. The popular "relapse" interpretation is based on faulty assumptions about what substance abuse recovery is supposed to look like and flat-out misreadings of the text of the game.

Shane doesn't "start" drinking again: he never stops, just reduces the amount he drinks. (Unless we are supposed to interpret the phrase "cut back" in the 7 Heart Event as meaning "quit” or "gave up” for some reason. Or if we ignore the new 1.6 dialogue about him drinking less after his 6 Heart event.)

Shane's mess is not a consequence of uncontrolled drinking, but a consequence of his depression and possible under-managed ADHD. His room at Marnie's remains exactly as messy when he's in recovery as it is when he's spiraling, so the drinking has no effect on his cleanliness.

”Okay,” you might say, “but he still shouldn’t drink, and he should pick up his room.” And sure, yeah. Ideally we should all do the same. But that’s not always a fair or realistic expectation for everyone. Not everyone can quit their addictions or bad habits cold turkey. Not everyone is going to be the model citizen. That doesn’t mean they can’t live happy lives. That doesn’t mean they don’t have value. That doesn’t mean Shane doesn’t have value.

So instead of complaining about the ways that Shane fails to measure up to typical adult standards, it may be more productive to ask: is he happy? Is he doing okay?

By any reasonable measure, a married Shane is living his best possible life. He‘s surprised and delighted to be your trophy husband. He doesn’t have to worry about taking a soul-sucking job or struggling with unemployment. His drinking isn’t causing him any problems, and if he can’t keep his personal space clean, at least he doesn’t let his mess spread to the rest of the house. He has his own little coop for Charlie and it’s just adorable to watch him bounce her up and down. He actually makes time for Jas. I am not requiring everyone to love Shane the way he is written, or to make space in their farmhouse for him. But please, have realistic expectations for the character that exists. And do make friends with him. He gives you an OP recipe and access to blue chickens!

[rohirric-hunter]

Oh this should be fun

Part of the design choice for Léonys was me very intentionally picking out all of the "weakness of Men" themes in LotR and just. Building a lot of her personality around that. It was kind of fascinating because the last time I made an OC of this nature after I designed the character I had to sit down and figure out some character flaws to give her (which was very popular -- and bad -- writing advice upon a time). With Léonys, as the personality began to develop, it was mostly flaws, and I actually had to sit down and make a physical list of her strengths. Which was kind of an ordeal, if I'm honest. I made one of them, "physically strong."

But that's sort of the point. Her strengths are not really the sort of strengths that are necessary for the story she's in. The things that make characters succeed in LotR are just not attributes that she has. Girl talks and dreams and makes plans around shit she knows nothing about. By the end of her story a Nazgul looks at her and she just fucking. falls over. If she'd had a second conversation with Saruman she would have absolutely fallen for his bullshit hook line and sinker. If you handed her the One Ring I would give her ~18 minutes before she was trying to murder someone with it. There's no digging deep down and finding untapped wells of resilience. Will is her lowest stat, both in-game and in-universe. She's the walking, talking reason why someone who understands the stakes of the world she lives in would conclude that humans can't be trusted with shit. And I designed her that way on purpose.

The comfort of the story, for me, is that sometimes you are weak. Sometimes your strengths are not what a situation needs. Sometimes everything comes out alright in spite of you. Sometimes, the things you're good at are only helpful in one tiny part of a situation. And sometimes that's enough. I think this is why the Wind Will Set Me Racing 'Verse also turned into a Boromir Lives AU. I wanted a story where the characters had the opportunity to sit with their failures, and then also to move on. To have a happy ending despite the fact that they, personally, failed. That their failure -- objective, genuine inability to handle the situation they put themselves in -- does not make them less of a person or less worthy of good things. There's not a lot of stories that celebrate that sort of thing.

(Yes, I am aware of the irony of the fact that by giving her strengths that are less useful than usual in LotR I have given her strengths that would serve her very well in most other fantasy universes. Making her strong, fast, and good at killing stuff would have her kicking ass in most stories. What luck that she lives in one where it's just kinda okay.)

In terms of this particular quest, it's one of those times when I'm compelled to make a quest dialogue work with my particular character decisions. What are the strengths that the Huntsman sees in her when in some ways she can be more a liability than a help? What does, "valour," mean in the context of someone who is actively getting worse at dealing with attacks on her psyche? IDK, I'm thinking something something the person who is willing to try something and be respectful and do it the right way being better than someone who is more likely to succeed, but less willing, or less willing to listen. LotRO often has quests where the player character asks for something from a group who is hesitant to trust, and that group sets them to some kind of task to prove that they're trustworthy and mean well -- often contrasted with some enemy ignoring those people and their wishes and trying to get what they want by force. (Vol. I Book 13 Chapter 4) I'd say it's kind of one of the game's main themes.

[just-to-kill-time]

my dear fellow ghesties who went to the other skeletour shows - i need to ask you about something!!

SPOILERS FOR SKELETOUR UNDER THE CUT I GUESS

okay so i just need to know: did they play Miserere 13 min before the start of the show in other cities as well? or was it just Poland? cause i am so emotional about this.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

my manager: everyone on this team must check in to the group chat on microsoft teams by 8:30am every morning, this is a no-fail task

also my manager: /does not show up to the office until 10am, does not provide notice or an explanation for why

also my manager: /is currently ghosting me on our biweekly check-in call, with no notice provided

i've been on this call by myself for 10 minutes

[thepoisonroom]

in a class this term about literary awards where we read only winners of a specific award and i'll be honest i straight up cannot read another book where they use disability as a metaphor

[danothan]

tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things

[maryasmorevna]

why are you, as an adult in 2024, still hung up on reylo. why are you still mocking the shippers. why do you believe yourself to be superior only because you dislike a stupid ship from a fucking space fairytale. girl (gnc) get a grip

[bookshelf-in-progress]

Maybe the truth at the heart of Shadowstruck is the importance of family. Because the most compelling stories in this universe are about what happens when you tell parents that some of their children have no right to their love, care, and protection. It destroys what should be the strongest and most natural bonds of love, and that simple horrible thing leads to all the complicated problems in their oppressive society.

[hopesandmountains]

I think one of the key things for any relationship is to discover what your needs are.

Because otherwise you’re going to try and meet those needs in ways that aren’t entirely conscious to you.

Everybody has a need for passion, love, understanding, physical closeness etc. but we all find different ways of meeting that need.

And the most straightforward answer is to find a relationship.

However for those of us with emotional trauma it’s not really always easy or straightforward to find and build a relationship. And honestly that’s not always the priority for everybody anyhow.

The need for passion, love, and intensity can outweigh the need for a long lasting connection, especially when dealing with people who are suffering from trauma or living a life where they constantly feel anxious or overwhelmed.

And of course because a long lasting and intimate connection with someone else can just be a scary thing, especially when trauma or other factors have left you unsure about your connection with yourself.

However the thing is, the solution is not really looking for a causal relationship either. If your need is true passion and investment, whether you admit it to themselves or not, you are placing actual stakes on how things are going to work out and you would be personally hurt if you ever if you were to feel used like just another causal fling.

This is especially true with those who have attachment issues or abandonment issues, because unlike securely attached people who can just walk away, unresolved attachment issues can latch you onto someone even if you hardly know them.

So realizing it or not, it is kind of like a gamble that either things will just work out together in the long run, or that by the time the relationship runs it’s course, that having that passion love and understanding will have left you in a more resourced place where you will not only be able to handle the emotions of separating, but will also be left in a more emotionally secure place that is better then where you started.

And that’s not entirely untrue. Having someone compassionate who truly cares about you can really help you boost your mental health, and if you really work at it while you have those additional resources they are giving you through their care, you can heal yourself and build that emotionally security from within.

But really the therapist answer would be to look for friends, social supports, healthy communities, groups you belong to etc. to use as additional resources to help you heal and build that emotionally security.

And in fairness, the way society is set up doesn’t really make it easy to build a social support group and it’s not always a bad idea to just get to know someone and see where things naturally go.

But it can be more reckless and unsafe. By putting heavy emphasis on passion too early on in a relationship, your risk opening up yourself to someone toxic or not good for you or in the worst case outright abusive.

And this is why it’s important to know your needs, because if you try and meet them in a way that feels familiar to your childhood trauma, it can be a recipe for disaster if you are unconsciously trying to recreate an unsafe environment.

So regardless of what you do I emphasis learning more about yourself, slowing things down, and seeing how you feel at each step. See if past traumas get brought up, if attachment issues start acting up, if what you are feeling is limerence or true connection, if you are considering your own needs in the relationship, if you are voicing those needs in a healthy manner, if you are staying true to yourself or if you are “fawning”.

And it’s not that I want to scare people off from finding connections or meeting new people, I just think it’s really important to understand your needs in a way that you can confident in yourself and confident enough in the relationship to move forward.

And confident enough to objectively consider losing the relationship, confident enough to objectively decide what kind of relationship it is that you want (considering your own needs and not someone else’s), and confident to walk away if that is what is best for you.

So try and volunteer somewhere, join clubs, slowly let yourself be more social to be build that social safety net, and yes please take risks. At some point you will have to address your own vulnerability and that means risking yourself.

And this post is already a lot so the last thing I will stress is just how important it is to understand your own vulnerability so you don’t unintentionally make yourself more vulnerable than you intend to. A lot times when people aren’t comfortable being vulnerable but want to try to be, they can overextend and be more vulnerable than they intend to. And here’s a good video to learn about that.

[waywardsunlight]

The grieving process is wild because something will happen months or years ago and then slam into you like an off-tracks train on a random Saturday in October and you just have to live with it.

[prohibetur-et-obstruatur]

the real lesson of umineko is how fucking dangerous "childhood friends into lovers" narrative is for trans individuals

[virtuousvigil]

to everyone rb’ing/commenting on my art/everyone who fav’d it on tiktok n in general all the support for my writing n art n creations the last month??? i want you to know you have rendered me into a permanent state of this:

[lorephobic]

keeping up with awards season has truly turned me into such a vitriolic and bitter person i think the academy should explode and there should be no survivors