#repeatitive

[grimfolks]

We're in Champs Les Sims! Not gonna lie, it was not my intention for it to be the very first destination we go to but my game was repeatedly crashing trying to enter Shang Simla so I tried Champs Les Sims instead and it worked! Luckily I didn't have any strong plans regarding it so we're not missing anything going here first :) Because of Finley's reward trait: prepared traveler he's allowed to stay for full 6 days making it our first and hopefully last trip to France~

[iyamaggies-blog]

Surrender

Ok so I haven’t read the manga but I’ve been seeing all the jokes and memes about repetitive kaisen and it has me cackling so here’s some Sukuna smut about that. Enjoy!

The increasing ache in your stomach finally bursts into an all consuming dread as reality truly sinks in. Each step you take draws you closer to your assumed demise as you prepare to fight the all powerful king of curses.

You never Imagined you’d face the infamous Sukuna. Ever since you heard of his awakening in the teenager Yuji Itadori you couldn’t help but form a rather inappropriate curiosity. Even though Sukuna was a clear and unredeemable villain to jujitsu society you found yourself consuming any and all content pertaining to him. Your inquires soon shifted into intrusive fantasies about being in the presence of such a domineering presence. To be completely at the mercy of his unpredictable chaos. To be consumed by him, dissolving into-

No!

Nope!

No!

These thoughts won’t help you now. This is real life and the reality is you never believed you’d actually ever encounter the King of Curses. You never imagined Sukuna would regain his true form and pick off jujitsu sorcerers until literally everyone and anyone was being sent to slaughter in a meaningless onesided battle to stave off the inevitable.

Your mind goes blank when you encounter Sukuna. His aura is truly all consuming.

In the shadow of Sukuna’s looming presence, your heart races, your palms sweat, and your mind struggles with a flurry of incomplete thoughts. Every instinct screams at you to flee, to escape the clutches of the all-powerful king of curses. Yet, something deep within you stirs—a flicker of resolve.

The on going battles have already proven the victor. The continued masacre of sorcerers sent by a defeated society helps no one and proves nothing.

His voice is almost bored as he adresses you. “Another one already? You sorcerers must be-“

You fall to your knees and lean forward close to the ground with your head bowed, gaze cast downward, an expectant silence hangs in the air and you can feel Sukunas double set of eyes boring into you.

You keep your head downcast as you speak.

“I wish to surrender myself to you Lord Sukuna.”

“Oh? In what way do you wish to surrender?” His tone light with amusement, his face twisting into a dark smile.

“I renounce jujitsu society, I wish to live in service to you Lord Sukuna.”

As the weight of your words hangs heavy in the air, Sukuna’s dark laughter fills the space around you, echoing off the walls of the desolate battlefield. The abruptness makes you flinch, you resist the urge to face him and stay frozen in place, heart pounding loudly in your ears. His amusement is palpable, his gaze piercing through your very soul.

“You wish to live?” The question is condescending, audibly entertained you would try to protect your exsistence. He steps closer to you as he continues. “You would forsake everything to live at my feet?”

You dare not raise your gaze, keeping your head bowed in submission. “I have witnessed the futility of resisting you, Lord Sukuna,” you reply, your voice barely above a whisper. Your aware of his presence towering over but you push yourself to speak. “Jujitsu society is crumbling under your might. I seek to abandon their futile cause and pledge myself to you, to serve you faithfully for as long as you see fit.”

“Raise your head.”

Time slowly to an agonizing crawl. You rise from your bowing position remaining on your knees when your head tilts upwards and your eyes lock with his. You can feel the blush erupt across your face, heat spreading throughout your body. The most powerful being to ever walk this earth is looking directly at you. His sinister grin never leaves his face as leans down to grab a fist full of your hair at the nape of your neck. A shiver runs down your spine both from fear and a strange excitement at having the attentions of such a dangerous entity. “You offer yourself to me so willingly.” His grip tightens, pressing your face into his crotch. He maneuvers your face against the bulge of his clothed cock. You can feel the length of it hardening against your face. “Do you truly understand what it means to serve me mortal? The depths of my depravity, the acts that will be required of you?” He taunts

“I-I’m honored to do whatever it takes lord Sukuna” you stammer, your fear morphing into a twisted eagerness to please. With his unyielding grip in your hair he yanks you slightly upwards to face level with a wide open mouth grin adorning the extra jaws on his abdomen. You watch the large monstrous tounge emerge behind the teeth of his abdomen and sloppily trace along your jaw, you silently gasp at the cold wet feeling of saliva coating your face.

He uses your moment of surprise to bully the appendage past your lips deep into the warmth of your much smaller mouth. You try to relax your jaw to accommodate the dense muscle but the size difference only allows so much to force its way in before you start gagging with surprise. His tounge feels heavy in your mouth, thoroughly tasting every inch of you like he’s preparing to devour you. You look up to see Sukuna leering down at you as you fight to breathe around the thick wet appendage. Tears blurr your vision but you dare not look away from his captivating glare. A mix of saliva pools

In your mouth, your eyes begin to roll back.

“Well?” He questions impatiently. “Show me how you worship your new king. Convince me you deserve your next breathe of air”

Cautiously bring your hand up to palm at his erection, he feels thick and enormous. Feeling him beneath the tenting fabric creates a feeling of desperate anticipation that overwhelms you. Your eyes fall lidded with desire and you squirm. You squeeze your thighs together to try and satiate the increasingly demanding need between your legs. You attempt to wiggle your tounge against the much larger one dominating your mouth in a pathetic display of enthusiasm. Your submission earns an ominous laugh. Sukuna relents his torturous bullying, pulling his tounge from your mouth and releasing his grip in your hair. You gratefully take your first unobstructed breath blinking away the tears in your lashes. “That’s right, try harder! Show me how desperate you are to earn your plac as my concubine!”

My concubine

Property of the curse king, a man who claims possessive ownership over anything he desires.

The thought drives you forward to catch his abdominal tounge in an awkward but feverent kiss, working your smaller and inferior muscle against his in a sloppy performance. At the same time you thread your fingers into the waist band of his pants, pulling downwards to free his monstrous erection and wrapping your hand around his girth to pump him slowly. When you pull away from his mouth you can feel the string of spit connecting you and you watch his tounge retract and lips curve against his stomach into a twisted grin. You turn your attention downwards. Placing the tip of his cock against your lips before enveloping it into the wet warmth of your mouth. You can hear the slight change in his breathing, your whole body ignites with desire but you focus on your work. Each bob of your head you inch slightly more of him into your mouth, your hand working to service the rest of his impressive length. Your desperation peaks as you being to groan around him slipping your free hand down into your waist band to play with your clit.

“Oh? Do you take pleasure from serving me?”

“Yes Lord-“

“Keep my cock in your mouth until I say otherwise.” The harsh grip in your hair returns and he takes complete control of your movements. Forcing his cock deep

Into your throat until you gag ungracefully.

You attempt to distract yourself from the discomfort by slipping two of your fingers inside yourself. As quickly as your fingers enter your sopping hole your arm is yanked away. Using two of his four arms he grabs ahold of your wrists holding them off to the sides in the air above your head. His hand in your hair remains firm. Newly formed tears begin to fall down your cheeks and Sukuna uses his remaining free hand to swipe at your tears before bringing his fingers up to his face to taste the saltiness.

“My pleasure should be your only focus, is that understood?”

You nod weakly, a gargled “mmhhhmm” the only sound you can make in your current predicament.

He rocks his hips slightly, pulling away but never fully removing himself from you.

“Stick your tounge out.” He commands and you comply without hesitation. Sukuna keeps a steady pace, his eyes focused downwards to watch as himself glide over your tounge. You feel his thick length push past the limits of your mouth to occupy space in your throat over and over again. Each press of him in your throat causes a terrible gag that you strain to stifle. Drool that’s been collecting in your mouth begins to drip down your face soaking your chin.

“Oh how pathetic you look.” He muses. “Do you understand how lucky you are? How generous I am to award you this?”

You nod as best as you can, looking up at him through your lashes. You can’t help but bask in the thrill of having his full atttention devoted to you. “If I decide to keep you I will do this and whatever else I’d like to you at my pleasure. Does that excite you whore?” Keeping you in his iron grip he pulls his spit soaked cock from your mouth. There’s an audible wet squelching sound as he strokes himself, clearly expecting a verbal reply.

“Yes p-please Lord Sukuna, use me as you see fit.” You stammer your reply holding your mouth open and tounge out, inviting him back to pleasure himself with your mouth.

He instead keeps stroking himself “Do you think you deserve to taste my seed?” The question feels lethal, your not sure if there’s a correct answer but your certain there is a wrong one. “No lord Sukuna, I am unworthy.” Despite your response you continue to hold out your tounge for him. Seeminly pleased

with your answer he again maneuvers your head back to his cock. This time placing the tip onto the flat of your tounge, working his length faster. “You’re right you are unworthy…” the thick warm saltiness of his cum floods your taste buds, he strokes himself through his orgasm watching to make sure every last drop lands in your mouth and on your tounge. “But you’ll do for now…..swallow it slut.” Finally he releases you from his grip. You do as instructed proudly facing up from your kneeled position, again opening your mouth to show proof of your obedience. Sukuna readjusts himself in his clothing before hoisting you off the ground and over his shoulder. “I’m dropping you off with Uraume, they’ll train you to better service me while I finish up here.”

“Thank you Lord Sukuna.”

Without another word Sukuna carries you off into the unknown. Your old life forever behind you as you prepare to live in servitude to the might King of curses.

[loveridden1999]

i really tried to like tate's new album :/

[sirenmoontarot]

ℐ𝓉 𝒾𝓈 ℋ𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑜𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓃… 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒸𝒽𝑒𝓈 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝑔𝒶𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝓁𝑒𝓉'𝓈 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓅𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝓁𝒾𝑒 𝒹𝑜𝓇𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝑜𝓃𝑒

Group 1

For the people in this group, your hidden power is actually creating bounty, abundance, happiness, and prosperity easily and out of anything, you have the power within your energy to shift anything into a lighter mood, into high vibration, you actually have the power of leading yourself towards your dreams and accomplishments in an easy way… as I said, it is your hidden power, you might not be aware of it. the cards highlight that your power resides in doing so without so much struggle, or none at all, it is like your playful energies even, will manifest and create your desires in life. These playful energies are a core part of your soul and your soul’s journey. Your soul imprint is that of lightheartedness, and fun, some of you might be Mintakan Starseeds, you also have a deep connection to firstly water and some people here fire as well. You can choose the way of ‘’easy’’ to create what you want in your life and to attract it. Sitting down and letting things come to you! while you just enjoy yourself and have fun. Others can even do anything happily for you. Some of you in this group, have a very strong inner call, inner truth that you have to follow. I keep getting strong Starseed vibes, you guys have come with a mission here and you know it. Your vibration is kinda different from the rest. Some of you can't live in an ‘’illusion’’ or in a shallow life. You have to, yes or yes, follow that truth or inner calling, You are transparent, what you show is what you feel. I keep getting pure vibes as well. You also love to travel and you are encouraged to. A change of cultures benefit you… it would freshen you up.

Thank you for reading dear group number 1 🖤 Lots of Halloween blessings 🎃🕯

Support me on Ko-fi 𓇬 Psychic Readings

Group 2

Okay group number 2, your hidden power is intelligence, you can turn anything into success, you have the power to find the shortcuts, the best ways, the most witty and intelligent forms to move ahead and get exactly what you want. You have a clear vision, you are able to see the details, what others might not be aware of and turn the beginning of something (you are also capable of starting things well) into success. Your mind is sharp, and witty, now don't tell me you are not capable of this! the cards are showing 8 of swords energy, you might get clouded into your own fears or shit that makes you blind. You should own your energy! You are so encouraged to use your vision, your actual vision, see things as they are, not fogged in negativity, fears or you know everything that makes you stuck. Your power lies in your vision, but use it well, when your mind gets out of control bring it down back to the earth, to the tangible. Things might not be yet 100% but they are growing, don't get desperate! And with perseverance and constancy, you will go towards that sun, 10 of pentacles energy that you are getting on the cards! but confidence and inner power is needed, otherwise, you are wasting it on blinding yourself! Use well your power!

Thank you for reading dear group number 2 🖤 Lots of Halloween blessings 🎃🕯

Support me on Ko-fi 𓇬 Psychic Readings

Group 3

For the people in this group, your hidden power is to turn anything negative that happened to you into gems, valuable lessons, and taking what is useful to build a new person in which you will become. Your hidden power is to become detached from all that happened to you in the past, and literally turn yourself into another person, and get out of situations and not repeat them again. Some of us get repeating lessons all the time no matter if we try to learn the lesson for the 5th time, but your hidden power you are not aware of is that you can put yourself in another reality in which the repeatitions don't happen. Burning the old pages of everything that was lost, that went wrong, and have another life. Some of you might have gone through really bad and painful stuff but the message here is that things will change for you. I see this image, of a nice beautiful house, a big one, and the deep green color, like a forest around, an aura of calmness. This energy indicates the changes that are to come in your life in the future of the things you want to attain and the mental state you can have. It is a message of hope you are getting and also to not give up or get discouraged at the state of things now or in the past. Changes can take time but they can happen, that is better than nothing at all. Let yourself grow, give commitment to yourself, and get out of the toxicity to end up in another world, another life literally.

Thank you for reading dear group number 3 🖤 Lots of Halloween blessings 🎃🕯

Support me on Ko-fi 𓇬 Psychic Readings

[morphym37]

Dust binned draft from around 03/2022 while waiting for s1 rop to drop and truthfully, I disliked it just for how repeatitive it is for me🫠

But now... maybe treat it as an earlier iteration of last post since its I had some similar thoughts but I left them off only to pick up 3 years later💀. A more straightforward Annatar ver. with his forever damaged neck #random hc

Post it for archiving <3.

[milkymora]

✧ MCL newgen flirts - headcanons ✧

~ NOTE: the pictures used are not mine! credit to the respective owners on pinterest. all the headcanons are SFW & written just for fun. hope you’ll enjoy! xoxo, Mora

ꞝ Devon.

he collects magnets on his fridge. places he traveled to, cute food showcasing ones, or even boats and airplanes!

he likes colorful clothes. has suits of all colors, and ties with all crazy patterns on (he also got a “lucky” tie, which has little pineapples & kiwis all over it, that he wears for special occasions).

is a fan of the show masterchef. he likes to watch it whenever he cooks, and has followed every season since the beginning.

ꞝ Roy.

his favorite animal is the tiger shark. he’s loved sea animals all his life but sharks have a special place in his heart, for some reason.

he likes powerade drinks, his favorite one is the blue one (mountain blast flavor).

he takes care of his body in all ways, from working out & eating healthy to skin care, hair care, manicures, pedicures. he monthly goes to the esthetician.

ꞝ Thomas.

is neurodivergent. he has ADHD & tourette syndrome too. his tics are mainly blinking, shoulder shrugging & repeatitive throat clearing.

he feels safe around cats. absolutely adores tuxedo cats, he finds them to be adorable. indeed he has one, called Romeo.

whenever he feels cold, his lips and nails become blueish-purple. considering he’s milk white, it’s an incredibly noticeable constrast (that always make people around him worry, especially amanda).

ꞝ Amanda.

obsessed with celebrities! she knows all actors/actresses and comedies and loves reading their biographies. she is a huge fan of ryan reynolds & jake gyllenhaal interviews.

has 4 dwarf rabbits: a grey one, two white ones & a black one. she likes giving her pets food names, so... their respective names are macaron, vanilla, cinnamon and maple (short for maple syrup).

wears all sorts of pink shades lipsticks, but clear glosses are a must for her, she always keeps one or two in her bag.

ꞝ Jason.

has mysophonia. he can’t stand the sound of crumpling plastic bottles, chewing, porcelain plates touching other porcelain objects. it drives him crazy.

loves dogs. doberman & rottweiler are his favorite breeds ever, but he genuinely loves all dogs, bigger size ones are his preference.

although he may not look like it, he loves children. he’s an absolute angel with them. he smiles warmly whenever he sees one.

✧

~ thank u so much for reading!! which one is your favorite flirt? mine is thomas, hes such a pretty boy. reblogs are super appreciated! stick around friends ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )

[psaikey]

Thoughts on “When This Is Over”

⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎

"When This Is Over"; Levi Ackerman/ Reader fanfiction on Ao3 and Wattpad by gorillagripgamer

⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎

I have no words for this one and at the same time don’t know where to start, so let’s take it one step at a time.

To me the writing style is sometimes more important than the story because it can make any story exceptional. In this case the writing style ticks all the boxes. The POVs are amazing, the inner monologues, the dialogues, the descriptions, just everything is so real and feels tangible in a way.

Other than that the structure is very interesting, original and refreshing by narrating parallel stories in the past and present showing us the relationship between Levi and the main character from many angles and points in time as well as their many adventures together and how their bond grew. Character development also evident over time.

This is a slow-burn romance story but also somewhat an exception. Based more on denial, responsibility and acceptance. A story where the chemistry is immediate and having both parties aware but each having their own internal turmoil and reasoning why their love is unattainable (and obviously Levi feeling stronger about it). The weight of the circumstances forbidding their love but they always find themselves returning to each other fully aware, which makes the romance so thrilling, making you hold your breath and roll around in excitement. The romance scenes are hot and steamy, kudos to the author for writing them so beautifully. Their relationship is one of equals, respectful loving and funny at times.

The story takes place about a year after Levi’s recruitment into the Scouts and continues 10 years later to the end. Isayama’s original characters are all canonical, Levi included, and the new characters are all well written and fit the main character well. There are few manga/anime plot repeatitions and an interesting original side story. The only part where there is some description of Isayama’s story is the Rumbling, but with more than enough original content.

If you're looking for something truly moving that will leave you feeling hopeful and full of emotion, then you absolutely have to check out this amazing piece!

[cloneximio-877]

day 11: sacrifice

characters: Wemmbu, Egg

words: around 1000

warnings: death of some background people, dehumanisation (quite slight in my opinion), overall not really healthy dynamic. and they also kiss

Wemmbu lets Egg get all the control over their future civilization easily - he has never been a ruler, never wanted to be, not really, and he knows he's not made for it. He's not hungry for power, not in this form - he's only interested in power that's in a better weapon, in better armour, in better enchants. He doesn't really want to lead people, and he couldn't come with what to make them do even if he needed. So, he couldn't command.

Egg is good at this, surprisingly - he comes up with good ideas, he gives good-sounding speeches, he's actually liked by people. All Wemmbu can do is fight, and fight he does. And it's fair distribution of work, fair assignment of roles, and he and Egg do it shoulder to shoulder, together.

Until they don't.

And he couldn't really pinpoint when exactly things went wrong. Maybe it was the very beginning. But even looking back, he knows there's nothing else he would do. He returns from a mission, and it's like a few years passed. He could barely recognise the place and he could barely recognise Egg.

He argues with Egg, about a lot of things, at first. And Egg always has arguments, and Wemmbu still doesn't agree with him, and there's something that screams "wrong" about all of that, about Egg making all the decisions by himself, about doing what Wemmbu never agreed to do, but- he stops. He stops trying to argue, because it's useless. Because Egg continues doing what he wants the way he wants. All Wemmbu's control over the civilization that was supposed to be their gets carefully taken away from his hands.

And- he lets it go.

And he thinks, sometimes - maybe Egg is doing it for him, actually. He doesn't know what their civilization is like, who lives here, if citizens are happy, what their daily life is like. He barely sees it, but - this place he wanted to keep standing is still here. Egg keeps it standing. And maybe it's still standing only because it's ruled the way Wemmbu never would.

So, he leaves it to one who claimes to know how to do it. And he does what he has to do, what Egg tells him to do. And he makes sacrifices for their shared goal, one after one: his opinions, his will, his freedom, his joy. Everything becomes tasteless, repeatitive set of actions and events, and he barely even sees Egg anymore, and Egg he sees isn't exactly Egg he loves. Man who greets him in his cabinet, dressed in fancy clothes, lists upon lists with business meetings to attend to, building renovations to do, tasks to distribute and people to employ - corrupted by power in his hands, drunk off all the wealth and control he suddenly got in his hands - isn't the same guy who hated empires, hated meaningless violence and liked doing things by his own hands. But - he's not entirely different person, too.

(And he also knows - Egg didn't change overnight. It might've only really started to shine now, but - he noticed Egg becoming more and more tolerant to violence, less caring about death, less caring about other people's feelings. What they went through - betrayals, dangers, fights, Egg being held hostage again and again, literal server-scale war - didn't leave anyone unscathed. And, Wemmbu knows, he changed a lot too. And maybe when Egg looks at him, he barely recognised Wemmbu he befriended back then, in colony of Zam's empire, too.)

But sometimes Egg kisses him after returning from a mission. Or lets him sleep together with him on days when he has less work. And on those days, Wemmbu lays on stupidly massive bed, hugging Egg and feeling his hand holding his waist as well, skin against skin, in a blue-and-red overdecorated bedroom that looks like it belongs to emperor (not his Eggchan who loves fishing and living in peace with everyone and simple joys), and thinks: maybe this whole empire thing is worth it. But then the morning comes, and he gets sent to another mission, kill and get resources, numbing and familiar, breaking bones and splashing blood and voices begging for mercy that he barely hears. And his hands are rough and calloused and dirty and covered with blood and only used to holding a mace or a sword. And he's once again just a weapon and nothing more, just a tool in yet another ruler's hand, mindlessly doing it's job and not asking questions.

And it's not like Zam's empire, after destruction of the colony, when he had to be loyal and obedient so he and Egg wouldn't be murdered on spot; he doesn't think Egg will ever have a heart to kill him or even banish him from civilization, no matter how corrupted he becomes. But he also knows that he would never give him a reason. This loyalty isn't pretend; Wemmbu knows he would do anything Egg asks. He knows that if Egg only wanted, he would get on his knees and hold his head and let Egg put a collar on him, to turn him into his tamed dog - and isn't he one already? A dog who looks threatening, massive jaw and sharp teeth and observant eyes, massive built and body always alert and ready to hunting down a prey - domesticated, controlled, immediately getting down and showing it's stomach when it's master gives a command.

And it's gets too much, sometimes, or on the opposite, too little, when Egg gets buried in his bureaucracy and distances from him, and there aren't any new missions awaiting for him, and there's no one else who would even want him near their door in this civilization. And he runs away to the only other place where he's still accepted - to Zam's house, Zam and Pangi forest, to comfort and understanding of Pangi's company. But - he always returns. He knows he would never leave Egg, never betray him, unless - unless it's Egg who does it first.

And it's a sad existence - continuing only because there's no reason to stop, not because he wants to continue. But - do his wants really matter anymore? He's long since stopped being a person - a figure on a board, a force to deploy, some sort of killing machine that's indifferent about who to kill - just point at target, and it will go. And - he doesn't know if even he sees himself as anything more.

[faerygardenparty]

Like idk it’s annoying as hell to come across posts three times the length of “do you love the color of the sky” of just op spamming the same phrase over and over again until they no longer feel like words reblogged twenty times in a row onto your dash to the point where it becomes literally impossible to find anything from before the post, say what you will about how “it’s tumblr culture” and “if my mutuals want to reblog the same post 20 times they will dammit” or whatever fucking else but I think massive walls of repetitive text that take hours to scroll past should be an opt-in experience

Say what you want about how people are “better” or “more chill” or whatever on this website than they were however many years ago but I do really fucking miss when it was considered polite to tag long posts

[wowcaratvivi]

soonhoon new album dropped!! go give it a listen!

It's so them, like you see that they just wanted to have fun and love what they are doing

The layering and the beats are so woozi foo and it's not giving usual seventeen sound in a way that makes it just another song you could find on svt album it's like another flavor rather then repeatition, the visual game is insane too

Personal fav would be pinocchio, then stupid idiot and 96liners together, probably bc I don't reach for that type music on my own, the two are still something I would occasionally find when the mood hits

[dance-like-an-idiot]

HAPPY FALSETTOS DAY!!! congrats trina and mendel falsettos on your 45th anniversary 🙏‼️

i would do something because im hyperfixated so here's whizzvin i wrote yesterday

writing under cut :D

"I'd love to be somebody's "The one who got away"," Whizzer said for the millionth time since they've been together. And it's been 10 months, —Not 9 Whizzer stop smelling the damn roses.—

Marvin rolled his eyes and he knew by proximity alone that Whizzer saw the action. Whizzer slouched from where he sat in Marvin's lap and pouted with a huff that blew on Marvin's stubble. Marvin could barely stand him. "Ever thought of monogamy? It's a joy, I'm sure you'll love it," He drawled, repeating words of his own. 

"I'd love to leave you, ever think of that?" Whizzer quips mercilessly, but still it's repeatitive. He's smiling now, though, testing Marvin. They both know where this leads. 

"I'd love for you to love me, or want me, or need me even." 

Whizzer scoffs, "Don't be so foolish, Marv. You know you'll never get what you want from me." Whizzer's smirk is wide, Marvin wants to kiss it off. 

So he does, because he always gets what he wants. 

——

"Marv, did I end up as your "One who got away"?" Whizzer asks off handedly one afternoon on the weekend. Which means Jason is quite literally a room over and Cordelia will likely be busting down the door any second now, Charlotte in tow. 

It's been years since Marvin's heard that phrase, and every time Whizzer would bring it up they would fight. Marvin hates those fights now, and that phrase is so negative in his mind now that he freezes up. 

Whizzer who is sat on the chair in front of him notices —of course, Marvin couldn't be discrete about it— and he seems to perk up. What? "You okay?" Whizzer asks simply... But could it ever be that simple? Two years ago Whizzer would have never showed that kind of care however simple. Instead Whizzer's mouth would form a familiar insult, whether it be about his clothes or rightfully calling out the sack of shit Marvin was. 

So hearing such a simple question fills the burnt pit in his stomach before he feels the words finding their way up his esophagus and out of his mouth. "I am. I am so much more than okay with you." 

Whizzer smiles and his face scrunches together like he's trying to surpress it. He looks uncharacteristically bashful. Whizzer stands from his chair and walks to Marvin, causally taking a seat beside him, so close their knees touch. Marvin responds by placing his hand on Whizzer's thigh. Whizzer lowly chuckles and takes Marvin's hand in his own. He traces Marvin's knuckles, rubs circles into his palm, and Marvin had never thought he was a touch starved man until now. Until Whizzer. Whizzer had flipped his entire life upside down. Whizzer indirectly made him better. Whizzer was constantly on his mind for the last two years. Whizzer speaks, "You still didn't answer my question."

Marvin snaps out of his trance and looks at Whizzer's eyes which are fixed on their connected hands. "Shit, what was the question?"

"Oh, it's only the question i brought up pretty much everyday for nine months straight," He lightly teased and Whizzer connected their hands fully, tilting his head to return eye contact. His smarty smile is beautiful. 

Luckily the hint lands and Marvin squeezes Whizzer's hand and smiles faintly, wanting to return his joy but still the thought of that question... "Yes... But you're here now, aren't you?" 

"I am," It's a finality. "I just remembered how often I would ask that and got curious." He leans into Marvin and their hands never part. 

Marvin preens at the contact but takes a finger to guide Whizzer's head up again. Their eyes meet and Whizzer must be the most beautiful thing in the world. Marvin has never felt so lucky to be loved, to have Whizzer again in his arms and in his hands. Marvin pecks the tip of Whizzer's nose before saying softly, "Then that makes you the one who stayed."

[jeweled-blue-eyes]

Derrick is such an unpredictable and wierd character. I can never really tell what's he's thinking. Maybe it's because I'm reading too much into it, I mean he was only a side character and not a lot of thought is put into the side characters. They're just there.

What do you think Derrick really wants from Penelope. If he just wanted her to love him bach he would have been nice to hear, i think. Does he want her to be completely dependent on him and does he like seeing her miserable.

What about the Duke and Reynold. Do you think they enjoyed seeing her suffer. Why didn't they try to help her. Or maybe they just don't care. Though they seem to care a great deal in the manhwa.

How do you think they would react if they saw Penelope enjoying herself with someone, might be a friend or a long lost family, and Penelope is just laughing like crazy and she's totally ignoring them. Would they be jealous. Sorry if this ask is too repeatitive 😅

This is more of a headcanon. I think Derrick seeks relationships where he can exert control, foster dependency, and provide protection and care. His type would be vulnerable people. Little girls, orphans, foreigners, sex workers, servants, slaves etc. Anyone who could make him feel a sense of superiority. That is not to say he wouldn't feel disgusted by his own nature and try to fight these feelings. What Derrick subconsciously wants is a relationship with a huge power imbalance, where he has all the control and his partner none. An equal marriage with a noblewoman would not appeal to him. For the sake of maintaining his image he would marry a highborn woman but sexually he would feel no attraction to such a person. Someone like Derrick, who never allowed himself to make mistakes or indulge in teenage vices for fear that it might taint his family name, could only feel free if he was with a person whose status was so low that their opinion did not matter to anybody else. A person he could treat however he liked without consquences.

I found it curious that Derrick gave Penelope a bracelet with disguise magic claiming it would make her appear to be a young boy around her age but when she uses it she appears to be a child to Vinter. Not only that but she also starts resembling a younger version of Derrick.

It's a bit strange. Why would the clerk sell a disguise bracelet to Derrick that would only change his age but not appearance? Assuming Derrick was the one going to wear it, it would be of little use if it changed almost nothing about his physical features. It's also disadvantageous to look like a child since it would restrict your movements in the city, prevent you from doing business with adults and make you an easy target of street thugs. That's why I'm wondering if there could be a deeper psychological reason behind the bracelet's magic that is influencing the illusion. The magic makes her look what? 14/15 years old? Is that his ideal age?

You could interpret it that way: Derrick wants Penelope to be eternally <17, which is impossible because you cannot stop the flow of time. The older she got, the more he felt her slipping through his fingers, the less he could control himself, the more unforgiving he turned when she fought him on anything. At that time he didn't need to possess her in every sense, he only needed her not to be possessed by anyone else. So if she just remained in the gilded cage and listened to his every word he wouldn't lay a hand on her. I think that would have been enough for him. But Penelope isn't an object that you can put behind a glass case and expect not to move. Besides he knew she was being abused by the staff. Perhaps he had hoped that she would lash out in such repulsive ways his feelings for her would decrease with every time until one day they were no more and he could get rid of her without regrets?

I view Derrick as a very emotion driven person full of contradictions. Derrick has many different desires that are incompatible with one another. He wants to uphold his outstanding reputation that would surely get damaged if he were to court a girl like Penelope. He lusts after Penelope, but the only way he could obtain her (lifelong confinement) without risking his reputation was if his father were to die making him the next Duke, and as horrible as Derrick is I have to give him that he cares for his family and wouldn't wish death on anyone belonging to the Eckart duchy. Doubtless he wants his father's approval too. Lasty I have the impression that from the day he lost Yvonne he imposed impossible expectations on himself and didn't allow himself either distraction or amusement. In short his guilt prevents him from seeking happiness. Derrick was still living in the past. They all were. He sabotages his chances with Penelope because accepting the fake might mean to him a betrayal towards his real sister. It'd be like losing Yvonne a second time, but this time also killing her and desecrating her grave.

Derrick disobeyed his father once when he took Yvonne to the festival and lost control of the situation when she was kidnapped. That's why he might have devoted himself entirely to his family to atone for it and it could serve as one of the reasons why he needs to be in control of everyone and everything. He doesn't have it in himself to tolerate Penelope's childish behaviour. Derrick worked so hard to make up for it, wheras Penelope can make so many mistakes and still get his father's attention like when she stole the necklace allegedly, but was rewarded instead of punished (her father called a jeweller to the mansion and Penelope wasted a fortune on accessories). There might be guilt, shame, but also anger, even a little bit envy and feelings of unjustness too. Derrick has never learned to cope healthily with negative emotions, he only represses and bottles things up. As a result his "love" got twisted.

If he just wanted her to love him bach he would have been nice to hear, i think. Does he want her to be completely dependent on him and does he like seeing her miserable.

Was he aware that he fell in love with her at first sight or did he only realize much later on what those feelings meant? He and Reynold have already build themselves up as a bullies, it's too late to take back everything that was said and done. If he tried to make amends and were to confess his feelings, he wouldn't be able to take the humilation of the rejection. Additionally I think of Derrick as an extremely prideful man who is severely allergic to the display of any form of vulnerability. Denying mistakes means an inability to reflect their own actions and no growth. The only option he saw was hiding behind a familiar mask and carrying on with the things he's started, while turning worse and worse with each day, because with the time being Penelope got used to the insults and his usual threats and punishments probably didn't have the same effect anymore. He cannot have her love, but he can have her attention. If he becomes the bane of her existence, it means she's at least thinking about him and he's haunting her just like she's haunting him. Maybe he hates himself a little and uses Penelope as an outlet for his frustrations, maybe he hates Penelope for hating him back when he has successfully convinced her how much he loathes her. He hates her even more, abuses her even more when he has just gotten the result he wanted.

He wants her to hate him, he wants her to love him like a slave loves their master, he wants her to depend on him with the helplessness and naivity of a child, but when she's in need he lets her down every time. He wants her to be shallowed by the earth never to be seen again, yet he panicks when she does disappear and searches high and low for her. He wants her to live as quiet as a mouse and never come under his eyes again. He wants her to never leave his sight and would chain her up in his basement if he could. Derrick would be revolted if she tried to touch him, hug him but he would want to fuck her and mark every part of her body as his. He can never be satisfied. There's no end, it just escalates until someone dies.

Derrick wants Penelope to be isolated, dependent, weak, in pain, completely at his mercy with only himself to help. Does he want her to love him? Ehh...probably? At the same time I keep thinking that if Penelope had a childhood crush on him, he would have pushed her away, shamed her for her feelings and acted disgusted. Honestly it probably would have driven him even more insane. I don't buy it that this 18 year old actually fell in love with a 12 year old. Just like in many cases of incestuous abuse, I would imagine Derrick acting on his desire for power and control. His love is an amalgam of obsession, lust and sadism. Ergo he doesn't necessarily need her to love him back, although he would like it, because her loving him back would increase his hold over her and would make her less likely to fall for anyone else, seek help and flee from him. Fear? yes. Obedience? yes. Love? He has such a negative and distorted view of her I'm not even sure he believes she's a human being capable of love (quite ironic).

I'm a bit torn about that topic. Part of me thinks it doesn't matter to him. As long as she hungered for his affection like when she was a kid and she was trapped with him, he could convince himself he would, with time, make Penelope come round to his way of thinking. Then there is a part of me thinking that a very dark side of Derrick wanted to break og Penelope. Turning her into a vile creature that no one could ever love. Someone who would seek him out and want to be dirtied by his love, because it was the only kind of love he permitted her to have. A nasty little girl that was hated and hated everyone in return and only had eyes for expensive dresses and jewelry. If she were to grow up to be a villainess who hurt innocent people, he would not have pangs of conscience about the things he did to her. Had Penelope become a person deserving of his punishments, he wouldn't feel like a bad guy anymore. And with the blurring lines of victim/perpetrator there would be not enough guilt stopping him from acting on his urges.

You are right he could have been nice to her and she would have loved him (I doubt in a romantic way but whatever), but that's not the only thing he wanted. Gaining her love by acting nice would mean the loss of many things he valued and a betrayal of his principles. Along with that who could guarantee him that his sacrifice would be worth it and she would love him back romantically? Penelope could mark his affection as brotherly, which he would hate to see. Should the first-born Eckart son treat her right, soon the rest of the staff would follow and so would his family. The duke treating Penelope like his daughter would make it much more awkward if Derrick were to collect his courage to ask for his stepsister's hand. Lastly a Penelope who learned self-love and became more confident with the support of her family would make friends and could steal the hearts of many men.

Taking advantage of Penelope would have been easier if she already had a reputation as a thief and liar, and had no one on her side. Even if she was not in love with him, a person who was starved off love since their childhood would do anything for a few crumbs of affection. That kind of person would cling even tighter onto the hand that was offered to them. It'd be easier to sell her obsession as pure love and pressure her into doing things she doesn't feel comfortable with. He ensured her standing as an Eckart would be on shaky ground whilst reminding her that he was the one who could make her life better or worse (like when he temporary took the Eckart name from her). Og Derrick preferred the path where he would have absolute control of her at the price of her sanity over the path where she could be happy but would never belong to him.

(I don't think Derrick was thinking too deeply about it. He just acts on the emotions he feels at the moment. I believe he barely understands himself.)

see also: why I think Derrick liked her (anon ask)

What about the Duke and Reynold. Do you think they enjoyed seeing her suffer. Why didn't they try to help her. Or maybe they just don't care. Though they seem to care a great deal in the manhwa.

The Duke and Reynold were ignorant of her suffering because plot™. Reynold felt schadenfreude whenever Penelope was punished but that was because he lacked context and thought it served her right. If anyone was a sadist and secretly enjoyed seeing Penelope suffer after actively contributing to her pain and triggering her it was Derrick.

How do you think they would react if they saw Penelope enjoying herself with someone, might be a friend or a long lost family, and Penelope is just laughing like crazy and she's totally ignoring them. Would they be jealous. Sorry if this ask is too repeatitive 😅

Derrick would be jealous obviously. He'd either wait until the other person was gone and would talk down on her or he'd want her removed from the scene immediately and would send a maid to bring Penelope to him with the excuse he or father wanted to discuss something urgent. Reynold would unlock a new emotion that he can't quite place. Depending on his age he'd either be confused by this and act like a kid that saw another kid playing with a toy he threw away or he'd just grumble and say something like "I didn't know you could make that kind of face." and sulk. The next day he'd want to get closer to her. The Duke would just be happy that Penelope is finally making friends. Would help Penelope arrange another meeting if it was a girl her age. Would pay her more attention and take her to an outing if it was a man his age (feels lowkey threatened by any potential father figure).

[kebriones]

I am putting dead fish in my Alcibiades comic.

(with a text like the Alcibiades 1 where there is absolutely no mention of surroundings or environment or anything beyond two people talking in a blank empty world, in order to avoid having just repeatitive panels of two characters on blank background for the entirety of the comic, one has to improvise)

[randomrambles3nonsenseetc]

Being brave: stepping out of the shadows & learning to embrace all of myself.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to have a safe space to ramble about my thoughts and opinions of random shit that happens in my life and of things I see happening in general everyday life that I want to talk about but don't have space to share irl.

I havent really done that very much because...

I've been busy,

I'm a chicken,

I'm shy and introverted and

I'm used to keeping A LOT to myself,

I find it really hard even in the anonymity of a space like this to be truly open.

So I'm taking a chance to be brave with this ramble

Life has felt hard the last few weeks, here's why:

Like many people, my life has been a roller coaster and I've spent most of my adult life working to heal from my fucked-up childhood and create a different life, a better life. And in many ways I have and continue to build a better life, one free of the repeatitive cycle of trauma and abuse that is the highlight reel of my of my life.

Navigating adult life is challenging at the best of times, never mind adding in the complexities of trying to find a way through life with a boatload of psychological and physical trauma. Overall I thought I had been doing pretty good..

Then...Over the last few years I'd hit some pretty big roadblocks, which included a rapid exit from a living arrangement with a very toxic, unhinged narcissist, being in-between jobs and having to find a place to live because my lease expired and other random stuff happened all at the same time... well that was all really stressful and of course added to the fuckery of my life. But with a lot of hard work and determination I managed to sort my life out.. AGAIN. 😪

I got a new job, a place to live etc etc and everything seemed like it was settling down. And then some crazy shit happened with my work...

For the most part I love the work I do, but its fast paced, sometimes high risk and demanding physically, mentally and emotionally. Add to that a toxi work culture with managers who are bullies and narcissistic... well it turned into a recipe for disaster. This storm of bs bought up The Cracken from the ocean floor with my Pandora's box of trauma... stuff that I thought I had negotiated over the years... but oh boy, was I wrong!

Anyways, after spending most of the last 18months dealing with the dregs of my life trauma that unexpectedly and most unwelcome got hauled up from the bottom of the ocean floor, I'd gotten to a much healthier place again.

But my life is never that simple, oh no, the universe likes to keep me on my toes and added in a bunch of health stuff to wade through. A serious concussion, serious dental issues, flare up of an auto-immune disease, to name a few. Yep fine I got through that and was on the road to recovery again and wham, another physical health issue / injury, that again spiralled in to several other physical health events /issues. Lots of medical appointments (expensive), time off work and of course mental distress because ... trauma.

Fml

Trauma is one of those things that even when you think you've dealt with it and you're doing good in your healing journey something random can happen in your life and that trauma brick comes back to hit you in the face again.

Its a nasty little fucker that pops up when you least expect and taunts you.

So that's where my mental health has been the last few weeks.

I've been on and off work with a back injury and nerve damage and my over active brain has been going round in circles, over thinking and over analysing anything and everything. Which has been made worse by being in a lot of physical pain for the last month.

The childhood stuff has come back with a new angle just to keep me sufficiently stressed and distressed.

The thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, of not being enough, being a disappointment, letting people down (work, friends, etc), the challenges physically and emotionally of still having to find a way to function and go to work when I'm feeling like crap because I have bills to pay, responsibilities, to clean the house, cook, maintain the garden etc all feels very overwhelming and at the same time I'm pissed off with myself for being injured and for being distressed about all this crap.

I have amazing friends, but its not healthy or appropriate to share the deepest darkest depths of my trauma with them.

I need to respect their boundaries... and yes I've had these discussions with my friends and while they're supportive. Its not ok to unleash Pandora's box on them. They don't have the skills to help me process that shit and nor should I burden them with that responsibility. thats 100% not ok.

This is stuff that needs to be unpacked with skilled and trained professionals because they are trained to work with trauma.

Giving friends and family the headlines or the gossip reel is fine, but everyone sees and experiences the world differently and for people that have been blessed to not experience such horrific trauma, its totally not ok put that on them because all it does is vicariously traumatise them. That's not safe or healthy imo!

Anyways,

The last few days have been rough, my injury is getting better but its been slow and painful and I've felt weak in lots of different ways.

Emotionally, I've been a bit of a mess; lots of crying, not sleeping, comfort eating, not eating, lots of swirling thoughts, feelings and memories etc.

Like everything else I've been through, the one thing I do know is that I will recover from this and continue my journey of healing from my trauma.

While it sucks when you're in the middle of it, I know that I will come out of this stronger within myself , less hurt and more resilient to take on whatever the universe throws at me next.

[dearest-lady-disdain]

louis' incessant repeatition of claudia is dead my beloved. deep breaths deep breaths. because This is the only thing tangible in his reality as well as the thought pervading his mind

[mxyacho]

Open starter!

Location: Lake on Beckett Farm

The only thing that makes you feel anything these days….it was the words now playing in her head over and over on a fucking repeatitive cycle of torment. Isaac was right - she was basically existing at this point. She had been just existing for the past few years. At least before she came to Redwood she could blame it on the fact that she was just focusing on survival. Avoiding raiders and infected and wild animals - she couldn’t feel then because that could be the difference between life and death. But now, she was safe, in Redwood with very minimal threat of death outside of the basics. Now she really didn’t have an excuse. Despite being in a town with people who, for the most part, seemed friendly, she felt alone. And there was the matter of her ex and how awkward she felt around him. Feeling nothing was better than feeling unwanted and alone and she wondered if maybe she had made a mistake in deciding to stay. Maybe it was better if she went off on her own.

To try and clear her head, she took her sketchbook to the lake. Drawing had always been her escape, even if she was getting close to having no more pages to spare. But as she sat there at the water’s edge, she couldn’t bring herself to bring the pencil to the page. All she could think was how alone she was. Outcasted. Unwanted. The pencil shook in her hand and soon, her comfort items dropped and she rested her head on her knees. Her body shook as she felt everything all at once.