#resources when feeling overwhelmed

[ps4peter]

also i've long been so particular about the amount of times i would post and how it would clutter up my archive bc i do like using the archive as a tool to look back on things. i have not had a day where my queue has been empty for the last 8 years! idk i'm being so particular about this long built in system i have that i'm wondering why i'm making this feel like such a chore 🤧

[kalamity-jayne]

I feel so fucking tired. Like, existentially.

It's just getting real fucking rough out there, everywhere, for trans folks.

Please let the trans people in your life know that you love them.

I've said this many times before but if you're cisgender this isn't a fucking request. You're responsible for this mess so the onus is on you to fucking fix it. You have an obligation to show up for us. No more excuses. FFS there's people out here with major platforms literally calling for our extermination and y'all are just sitting there with your thumbs up your asses.

If you're transgender, just try to keep on doing what your doing. Show up for each other, love each other, love yourself, and do whatever you have to do to stay alive.

[curiosity-killed]

hi curio! do you have plans to publish your novels once you finish them? i love your writing so i would look forward to reading your original work too! (sorry if you've been asked this before)

hi there! aw thank you so much 🥰 I'm always surprise-delighted when ppl are interested in my original works!

unfortunately, my answer is ????? I would like to, mostly because I want a physical version of these fuckers that I can hold in my hands but, unlike when I first wrote TCP in elementary school and thought I was going to be a bestselling, globally adored author by 12 yr old, I uh. am not that confident about navigating publishing 😅 Part of me just wants to throw them up on a website and be done with it, because I a) am not terribly concerned about the financial aspect of publishing and b) mostly just REALLY want other ppl to talk abt these characters with me haha

So ultimately, yes, I want to publish them in some form but I am extremely unclear on what form that will be (in no small part because all my original fics are in various stages of "mostly words rather than a whole story") 😅

(and you never have to apologize about asking something! i'm literally always down to talk about my stories + have the memory of a concussed goldfish half the time anyway lol)

[celestial-sapphicss]

.

[empyrangel]

I was like “Never gonna get moonlight in time. I’ll have to buy all her soul stones from the shop, what a pain.” ??? I got her from a normal ten pull? Then got Milky Way right after?? tf?

[trashycosmos]

i've determined i will probs never play minecraft again bc the sheer amount of content, while amazing, also is overwhelming to the highest degree but gameplay videos are highly enjoyable. also since finding creativerse it just hits better and terraria is like my happy (moddable) medium.

[awek-s-archived]

eunwoo magazine photobook on sale now gosh idk if i shld ask for it for my bday why am I so anxious to receive gifts FNSNCNSNXB

[pyxisspeaks]

(Hurt feelings I’ll probably delete this just uhg)

[lovinterstellar]

NEW YEAR, NEW ME

this is a collab w the it girl @prettieinpink !!

HABITS TO IMPLEMENT 

Movement (yoga, running, Pilates, walking, gym, etc. Anything that allows you to move your body 

Reflection- make a note of things you would like to improve on. This could be self-love, relationships, 

STAY CONSISTENT

Consistency is key. Make sure to stick to your plan and keep working towards your goals every day. Even small steps are progress. Try to make your goal part of your daily routine. 

HOW TO STAY CONSISTENT 

SCHEDULE- Setting schedules helps really well with consistency. Make a schedule for the tasks you need to do daily or weekly to achieve your goals. This can help you make your goals a part of your routine, making it easier to stay consistent.

STAY ORGANIZED- Keep track of your tasks and goals. Use tools like calendars, to-do lists, or apps to help you stay organized and remember what you need to do.

DISCIPLINE YOURSELF- Sometimes, you won't feel like working towards your goals, and that's okay. The key is to maintain discipline and do the task anyway. Remember, consistency is about doing the task regularly, not just when you feel like it.

START SMALL- Don't overwhelm yourself with huge tasks. Start small and gradually increase your workload as you build consistency.

DON’T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF- If you miss a day, don't beat yourself up. Instead, acknowledge that it happened, understand why, and move on. Consistency is about long-term progress, not perfection.

CREATE A PLAN

Once you know what your goals are, create a step-by-step plan on how to achieve them. Break down each goal into smaller, manageable tasks. This might involve creating a timeline, setting deadlines, or identifying resources or tools you might need.

LEAVE THINGS IN THE PAST 

In 2023, I’m sure everyone has had ups and downs, but not letting them define you as a person is something that has to be done in order for you to become a new person.

HOW TO LEAVE THINGS IN THE PAST

ACCEPTANCE-  Acknowledge the past and accept it as part of your life story. Understand that it's something that has shaped you but doesn't define you.

FORGIVENESS- Forgive yourself and others. Holding onto resentment only harms you. Letting go of grudges can bring a sense of peace and open up space for healthier relationships.

LEARN FROM IT- Every experience, good or bad, is an opportunity to learn. Reflect on these experiences and use them as stepping stones to better decisions in the future.

FOCUS ON THE PRESENT- The past is unchangeable, but the present is in your control. Concentrate on what you can do now to create a positive future.

SET NEW GOALS- Create new objectives for yourself. This gives you something to work towards and helps shift your focus from the past to the future.

PRACTISE MINDFULNESS- Mindfulness is about staying focused on the present moment. Practices like meditation can help you stay grounded and prevent you from dwelling on the past.

ADJUST YOUR PLAN AS NEEDED

It's okay if your initial plan doesn't work out exactly as you thought. Life happens, and it's important to be flexible and adapt your plan as needed. If you find that a certain approach isn't working, don't be afraid to try something different.

PRACTICE SELF CARE

Remember to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. This can include things like getting enough sleep, eating healthy, exercising regularly, and taking time to relax and do things you enjoy. Don't forget that self-care is an important part of reaching your goals.

WAYS TO PRACTICE SELF CARE-

BALANCED DIET-  There is no need to restrict yourself from foods but eating a healthy, balanced diet is crucial for maintaining physical health. Try to include plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains in your diet.

EXERCISE REGULARLY- Regular physical activity can help reduce stress, improve mood, and boost overall health. This doesn't necessarily mean going to the gym - it could be anything from a brisk walk to a yoga class

GET ENOUGH SLEEP-  Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep per night. Establish a regular sleep schedule and create a relaxing bedtime routine to improve sleep quality.

STAY HYDRATED-  Drinking enough water each day is important for overall health. Try to aim for at least 8 glasses per day.

TAKE BREAKS- Make sure to take regular breaks throughout the day, especially if you're working or studying. This can help prevent burnout and improve productivity.

DO THINGS YOU ENJOY- Make time for hobbies or activities you enjoy. This could be anything from reading a book to playing a sport to painting. 

  CELEBRATE SMALL THINGS

Don't wait until you've reached your big goal to celebrate. Celebrate small wins along the way to keep your motivation high. This could be treating yourself to something you enjoy, or simply taking a moment to acknowledge your achievement.

REFLECTING ON THE PAST YEAR

Think about how the past year went. Did you learn anything? Did you reach new goals? If you don't the answers to these questions, I recommend further examining your year!!

[daloy-politsey]

“They’re trying to discharge her constructively. Do you know what Constructive Discharge means?” She asked.

As soon as I heard the term ‘Constructive Discharge,’ I knew I’d never seen it on a vocabulary quiz.

“No. What does it mean?” I asked.

She explained.

“Constructive discharge is a fancy way of saying “being forced out.” It’s not good. And if you’re not a lawyer or in human resources, you’ll probably learn what it means when it’s happening to you.”

“Oh my God. I’ve seen this my entire career and never knew it even had a name.” I thought.

You’ve seen constructive Discharge too. You may have experienced it. We’ve all made choices to avoid it.

Constructive discharge defined

“We can’t fire you, but we’ll make you so miserable you’ll quit, and then we won’t have to pay your unemployment.”

Then there’s the textbook definition:

“A constructive discharge occurs when your employer has made working conditions unbearable, forcing you to resign.”

Or as one person put it.

“I didn’t get handed a pink slip, but when you’re not wanted, people have a way of letting you know.”

HR isn’t always the secret police.

Employees aren’t always victims of evil-doers.

However, employers push employees out all the time to maintain and protect the, “We didn’t do anything wrong, YOU did,” power structure.

Constructive Discharge looks like this:

— Meeting invitations slow to a trickle, and you’re excluded from emails and generally looped out of what’s going on.

— People stop talking to you or stop talking when you walk in.

— Your emails don’t get answers, or they arrive too late to be of value.

— Suddenly, your work is not good enough, though nothing about your work has changed.

— Reviews, once good or even glowing, are now mediocre or bad.

— Instead of a bonus, you get a Performance Improvement Plan.

— Warnings and write-ups start so they can justify your eventual termination with documentation of your “poor performance”

— Your work, clients, assignments go away, or they overwhelm you with work.

— The words “Set up to fail” were practically invented to describe this scenario.

Constructive Discharge is illegal

It isn’t easy to prove you’re a target, and it’s even more challenging if you don’t even know constructive discharge is a real thing.

If you’ve ever experienced this and don’t fully understand what’s happening to you beyond knowing you’re in the process of being excommunicated, it can be hell. It’s not uncommon for the experience to leave long-lasting scars.

Talk to anyone who’s ever been through it. They’ll tell you.

Knowing constructive discharge exists and how it’s used gives you power to predict what’s coming and to protect yourself.

Seeing the endgame helps you in two ways.

You know what to expect. Having a sense of what’s coming next is enormously empowering. You can go on the offensive and protect yourself. Constructive discharge works to crush your ego, making you feel you did something wrong and deserve this treatment.

Without strategy, you end up being a miserable pawn in your employer’s endgame.

Remember, they’re almost certainly building a case to fire you in the event the hellscape they create for you doesn’t persuade you to quit.

If you’re getting pushed out, and you know what to look for you can prove constructive discharge and you can get unemployment benefits, be released from payback obligations on a signing bonus, and protect your mental health.

You’re not crazy, incompetent, or a failure. This is real and it’s carefully executed to leave you holding the bag and feeling like you did something wrong.

If they force you out, in addition to feeling horrible, you lose your paycheck, benefits health insurance, and possibly owe them money.

[lifeonmarz-blog]

What I think of Lilith through the houses

Both polarities blended together, Enjoy!

Sb: pls take it with a grain of salt if it doesn’t apply let it fly.

1st: dogmatic views, do as I say not as I do, attracted to the bad boy/bad girl, relationships with promiscuous people, openly opinionated, body dysmorphia, magnetic aura, captivating presence, traditional views when it benefits them, competitive, strong work ethic, very attractive but it may be hard for them to see it, money is power and they know this, dark humor, gets people to open up easily, self imposed restrictions, victim mentality.

2nd: jealous co workers, insecure without money, focused on long term success, thinking outside the box, quirky, illusions around upbringing, favorite child, should embrace new perspectives //possibilities, attracted to the outcasted, can feel pressured to help others, victims of betrayal, takes shortcuts to get what they want, responsible with money, loves the idea of love but not the commitment, pressure to perform well.

3rd: secret teller, uses sex for power, uses communication for power, odd sex appeal, unique style, entrepreneurial mindset, self motivated, driven, spiritual blessings through others, easily adaptable, loved by women, team player, liar, familiar with the underworld from a young age, ambitious, fast thinker, prefers to be coupled up, questions others authenticity.

4th: self driven, “been there done that” vibe, quirky sense of humor, untrustworthy mother, misuse of sexual energy, confusion around self identity, jumping from relationship to relationship, doesn’t know when to let a relationship go, generous in relationships, charming with their words, idealistic about love, passionate, cold demeanor, manifest desires easily, persistent with what they want, right place right time, hard worker, likes/requires routine, attracts/likes conflict, dramatic relationships, impulsive, loves adventure, victim of betrayal, liar, self destructive, possessive, comes across as intimidating.

5th: charming, witty, self destructive, overly emotional, lashing out, makes friends with common interest easily, convincing, attracts money easily, make it and get it right back mentality, lacks patience, needs to do things in moderation, anxiety, worry, fear of the unknown, depression, needs to find peace within themselves, overly serious, scattered brain, life of the party, big personality, attracted to big personalities, lives outside the box, always standing out in the crowd.

6th: requires stability, shame around upbringing, lacks self esteem, thinks too much before acting, hasty careless movements, overworks the body, running from thoughts, overwhelms themselves, feels they have something to prove, intellectual, restricts sexual desire, attachments issues, addicted to ideas/belief systems, reliable, helpful, resourceful, natural leader, feels they have big burdens, should let go and be more carefree.

7th: feels misunderstood, values family dynamics, strength, disconnected from others, integrity questioned, do what they want not what their told, distorted view of family and relationships, strong intuition, divine feminine, nurturing spirit, frequent conflicts, lacking accountability, escaping justice, partners that bring out the worst, popularity, unique voice, charming, very opinionated, sexually explorative, calm before the storm.

8th: relationships that alter view on sex, emotionally manipulative, self critical, overworks themselves, always stressed about time, too much on their plate, overwhelm, self sufficient, luxury, abundance, doesn’t rely on others to make things happen, can see their plans through, should flow more with life, slow down and take your time, receives a lot of gifts, also gives a lot too, gift of gab, dark humor, sneaky vibe.

9th: comes off quiet but really a social butterfly, confident, independent, determined, chooses partners that talk disrespectful to them, lacks self discipline, easily unmotivated, changes paths often, loves podcast, sweet words, jack of all trades master at none, trust your intuition, many rebirths, it’s okay to be the student, don’t fear growth, insecure about how their perceived, feeling misvalued in relationships, hard time feeling ready enough”.

10th: home body but equally likes being outside, big family lots of kids, multiple baby daddy’s/baby mamas, impulsive decisions, gets a lot of attention from their outfits, defending your beliefs to the public, advocating social issues, underdog, very intelligent, people come to them for advice, secret relationships, weighs the risk vs reward, doesn’t value others opinions, brushes issues off, truth seeker/ truth teller, would rather work alone, loves love, attracts a lot of haters and secret fans, always partnered up or wants to be, gets lied to a lot, so much potential, generous, loves to be a provider, doing the same thing and expecting different results, strong emotional world.

11th: inflexible, likes to dominate others, would benefit from connecting to Mother Earth, jealousy, overwhelmed by responsibilities, loves to be in a relationship, creative, doesn’t invest time properly, wasteful with their energy, sharing wealth, attract fake friends, friends are very different from them, very confident demeanor, don’t get along with women, very convincing, two sides like a Gemini, a lot of love to give hopeful it’s not being misused.

12th: reserved, quite but a social butterfly, courageous, loves learning new things especially darker subjects, wants their voice heard on a public forum, should take time to be alone to hear your own voice and strength intuition, fear of change, escaping at the nick of time, learning to develop personal beliefs, people pleasing, strong will, persistent, misuse of power, direct, quiet power, reads the room.

[crimeronan]

i've seen a couple people in the notes of this very good post about fictional polyamory by @thebibliosphere say things along the lines of "oh, i've been doing it wrong :(" or "how do i know if i did this right??" or "i should probably give up and start over, i wrote this badly :(" and. no!!!!

(i AM seeing far MORE people say "oh, this clarified and helped me so much, i think i know how to fix issues i've been having with my own story" which. YES!!!!)

listen. if you're a monogamous person who's writing a polyamorous relationship, and you've been focusing mainly on The Triad and All Three Together All The Time as the endgame, that's literally fine. that's a perfectly acceptable and strong starting point for your plotting, imo. you do not need to give up on a story that you've started like this.

but the things discussed in the post Can and Should improve your execution!

you can keep the same plot beats and overall relationship arc 100%. polyamorous relationships are infinite in their formations, every one is unique. "basically a monogamous romance but with three people" Does exist, as a relationship type. you're not hashtag Misrepresenting (TM) poly people with it

BUT i do think it will help to read up on some poly people talking about how their relationships Differ from monogamous ones.

so i have outlined some basic important concepts about polyamory.

MORE IMPORTANTLY though, i've broken down some questions that you can answer throughout the writing process to strengthen your individual dyad relationships, your individual characterization, & your characters' individual feelings/experiences. this is a writing resource have fun

future kitkat butting in to say i spent over two hours writing this and it definitely needs a readmore. it is also NOT comprehensive. but everything should be pretty simple to follow! feel free to reblog if you find it helpful yourself or just want to reward me for how gotdan long this took KSLDKFJKDL.

i've grabbed quick links for a couple of the important concepts, some have SEO pitches in them but the info largely seems to be good. (if i missed anything Egregiously Gross on these sites i should be able to update the links with better ones later, since they're under the readmore.)

sidenote: this is NOT meant to be overwhelming, despite the length. if you can't read all of this, that's Okay. you do not need to give up on your writing.

here we go:

compersion!

compersion is a BIG thing in a lot of polyamorous relationships. it's joy derived from seeing two (or more) of your partners happy together, or joy derived from seeing your partner happy with someone else.

compersion is really important as a concept because it highlights that every individual relationship within a polycule is different -- and that that's a GOOD thing. it's sort of the inverse of jealousy.

by the "inverse of jealousy," i mean that instead of feeling left out and upset and possessive, you feel happy/joyous/content.

i can use personal experience as an example: it's a Relief for me when my partners receive joy/support/sex/romance/etc that i can't (or prefer not to) give them. and i love seeing my partners make each other laugh and be silly together.

it's 100% okay for a poly triad not to be together 100% of the time, it doesn't mean that the third member is being left out or not treated equally when two people do things alone together.

(i have individual dates with my partners all the time! PLUS larger 3-and-4-person date nights.)

if the third member DOES feel jealous or left out, then the polycule can have a conversation to figure out what needs/wants aren't being met, and solve that. this happens semi-regularly in my polycule, as it will happen in any relationship (including monogamous ones)! it's just part of being an adult, sometimes you have to talk about feelings.

metamours!

a metamour is someone who is dating your partner, but ISN'T dating you. this may not be relevant for people writing closed three-person romantic sexual triads, but it's a super helpful term to know.

the linked article also lists different types of metamour relationships with some fun phrasing i hadn't heard before. the tl;dr is: sometimes you'll be domestic cohabitation friends, sometimes you'll be buddies with your own friendship, sometimes you might not interact much outside of parties, every relationship is different.

there's no one-size-fits-all requirement for metamour relationships. sometimes polyamorous people will end up dating their metamour after a while (has happened to me), sometimes polyamorous people will break up with one partner for normal life reasons, but remain friendly metamours.

the goal of polyamory is NOT for EVERYONE to fall in love. it is 100% okay if this happens in your story, it happens in real life too! but it is also 100% okay for characters to be metamours without ever becoming "more than friends."

(sidenote: try to kill any internalized "more than" that you have when it comes to friendship. friends are just as important and special and vital as partners.)

of course there are a million ways for messiness to occur with metamours within a complex polycule, exactly like with close-knit platonic friend groups. however this post is not about that! there's enough "here's how polyamory can go wrong" stuff out there already, so i'm focusing on the positives here :)

open versus closed polyamorous relationships!

i'm struggling to find an online article that reflects my experience without directly contradicting at least SOME stuff. so i'll give a quick rundown

google has a bunch of conflicting definitions of open relationships and whether open relationships are different from polyamory. the general consensus seems to be that an open relationship prioritizes one partnership (often a marriage), but that each partner can have extraneous flings or long-term commitments (most often sexual in nature).

this is not typically how i use the term wrt polyamory. the poly concept is pretty simple. a closed polyamorous relationship is one with boundaries like a monogamous one. there are multiple partners in the polycule, but they are not interested in having anybody new join said polycule.

an open polyamorous relationship tends to be more flexible -- it just means that IF someone in the polycule develops mutual feelings for a new person, it's fine for them to become part of said polycule if they want to! the relationship/person is open to newcomers.

some groups will need to negotiate this all together, others will just go "haha, you kids have fun." just depends on the individuals!

with open AND closed polyamorous relationships, the most important thing is making sure that there's respectful communication and that everyone is on the same page. but there's no one-size-fits-all way to do that.

i wish i could give you guys a prescriptive "You Must Do It This Way" guide, but that's.... basically the opposite of what polyamory is about, HAHA.

feelings for multiple people!

i was gonna tack this on to the previous section but decided it warranted its own lil bit.

a defining feature (....i'm told?) of monogamous relationships is that a monogamous person only has feelings for One individual at a time. they only want a relationship with one individual at a time. or, if they DO have feelings for multiple people simultaneously, they're still only comfortable dating one person at a time & being exclusive with that one person.

this is perfectly fine!

the poly experience is generally different from this. but once again..... polyamorous people all have different individual perspectives on this.

for me, i have never been able to draw hard boxes around romantic vs sexual vs platonic relationships, & i love many people at once. my personal polycule lacks many strict definitions beyond "these are my chosen people, i want to forge a life with them indefinitely, whatever shape that life takes"

some poly people feel explicit romantic or sexual attraction to multiple people at once, some poly people feel almost no romantic or sexual attraction at all. i'd say that MOST poly people feel different things for different partners, which is not a bad thing!

some poly people are even monogamous-leaning -- they have just chosen one romantic partner who is themselves part of a larger polycule. (so this monogamous-leaning person has at least one metamour!)

or alternatively, they might have one romantic partner AND a qpr, or other ways of defining relationships. (this is a factor in my own polycule!)

i made this its own point because if you're writing a straightforward triad, this is unlikely to come up in the story itself -- but it's worth thinking about how your characters develop/handle feelings outside of their partnerships.

like, is this sort of a soulmateship, 'these are the only ones for me' type deal? in which they won't fall in love with anyone else, and can be fairly certain of that?

that's pretty close to typical monogamous standards but you Can make it work. just be thoughtful with it

alternatively, can you see any of these characters falling in love Again after the happily-ever-after? and how would the triad approach it, if so? what would they all need to talk about beforehand, and what feelings would everybody have about the situation?

it's worth considering these questions even if the hypothetical will never feature in your actual canon, because knowing the answers to these questions will help you understand all of the individuals & their relationship(s) MUCH better.

i've been typing this for nearly two hours and there's a lot more i COULD say because... there's just a lot to say. i'll close out with some quick questions that you can ask yourself when developing the dyad dynamics within your triad

first, take a page and create a separate section for each individual dyad. then answer these questions for every pair:

how does each pair act when alone?

how do they act differently alone compared to when they're with their third partner?

are there any elements of this dyad (romantic, sexual, financial, domestic, etc) that these two people DON'T have with the third partner?

if so, what are they?

are there any boundaries or hard limits within this dyad that aren't shared with the third partner?

if so, what are they?

partner 3 goes out of town alone for a few weeks. what are the remaining two doing in their absence?

(doesn't have to be anything special, it's just to get a sense of how the two interact on a day-by-day basis without the third there)

what is something that each partner in the dyad admires about the other -- that they DON'T necessarily see in the third partner?

what problem do These Two Specifically need to solve in the story before their relationship will work?

how is that problem DIFFERENT from the problems being solved within the other two dyads?

doing this for ALL THREE dyads is VITAL imo. that way, you develop complex and nuanced and different relationships that all have unique dynamics.

those questions should be enough to get you started, i hope

then After you've charted the differences in relationships, you can start to jot down similarities in the overarching triad. what does one person admire in Both of their partners? what are activities that all three like to do together? what are boundaries or discussions that all three share?

but the main goal is to figure out how to Differentiate each relationship!

a polycule is only as strong as the individual relationships within it. if two people are struggling with their own relationship, adding a third person won't fix that.

(UNLESS the third person is the catalyst for those two to, like, Actually Communicate And Work Their Shit Out. i just mean that the old adage of "maybe if we just add a third-" works about as well to fix a miserable non-communicative marriage as, uh, "maybe if we have a baby-")

AND FINALLY.

if you're not sure whether your poly romance reads organically to poly people, you can hire a sensitivity reader with poly experience. if you can't afford that, you can read up on polyamorous resources like a glossary of terms & articles actually written by poly people. (and stories written by poly people!)

you can also just.... ask poly people questions, if they're open to it. i like talking about polyamory and my own relationships so you're welcome to send asks if u want, i just can't guarantee i'll answer bc my energy levels fluctuate a lot and i don't always have time.

polyamorous people are in an uphill battle for positive representation right now & so the LAST thing i want to see is authors giving up on their stories bc they're worried about getting things Wrong. well-meaning and positive stories that treat this kind of love as normal, healthy, & aspirational are So So So Needed. even if you guys end up with some funky-feeling details.

seriously, if you're monogamous then you probably don't have a full idea of Just How Nasty a lot of people can get about polyamory. i wish it DIDN'T mean so much for you guys to want to write nice stories about us, but it does mean a lot. and it means a lot that you want to do it WELL.

in conclusion. this is not a prescriptive guide, it's just a way to raise questions. and also, you all are doing FINE.

[stellarsagittarius]

🦋🩵 Pluto in your Natal Chart: How you seek Power & Control 🩵🦋

📌 Exchange readings: CLOSED

📌 Masterlist + Book a Reading

Pluto in the 1H

You are someone with a intense amount of personal power. There is such a mysterious tone to these individuals which isn't overly to-your-face or overwhelming, it is this consuming magnetic aura these people have. It pulls people in slowly but when it does, oh they are in for some treat. It shows that you view the world as a place to be controlled. You need power in YOUR hands, and do not like it when someone else tries to assume things about you because really, nobody can truly read you. You look into situations so deeply, and this depth is intertwined with the way you seek to view the world and yourself on a very transformative lenses. You bring an immense amount of change wherever you go because of the very way you think about how things should be. If any personal planet or Ascendant is making a conjunct, then this is related to a lot of personal experiences that deeply changes you.

Pluto in 2H

You need an immense amount of control over your finances and your resources. You may not be the most sharing type, but you do like to give out to those who you truly see are in need, and know that they won't misuse it. This is especially heightened if pluto makes a conjunct to any personal planets in your second house. You are ready to do anything for money, this is said in the best way possible, though if unchecked it can define a person who attaches the value of themselves to how much possessions they have. It can make you possessive and obsessive over controlling your finances, or making you feel like no matter what you do you always end up in some sort of misery. If this is taken in a growth-oriented way then it makes you someone who absolutely knows their worth, and won't settle for anything less than the best. Material detachment is very necessary for you to recognize your true power.

Pluto in 3H

You are someone with an intense thinking pattern. Mainly the way you communicate things to other people or even regulate information within your own brain is tainted by this need to get to the truth. You intensify the process of learning, you need to get to the absolute truth, the in-depth reasoning behind why certain things happen the way they do. You could have been mistreated in school or felt like your school years were more or less quite of a challenge. If pluto makes a conjunct to any personal planet, it especially intensifies the way you learn from the world. The way you always question logic and reasoning behind already proven theories. You hold power in learning. And you might be especially selective when it comes to what kind of information you are consuming, because if you aren't then it can lead to overthinking/anxiousness.

Pluto in 4H

You are extremely private. Especially if pluto makes a conjunct to any personal planet, you have clear boundaries between your personal and public life. You do not like to put your matters out in the world, or even feel like opening up with just anyone. Your family life is something that can often get you worked up. You desire control over your private life, over family matters, and this naturally makes you someone assertive when it comes to proving dominance in your home. There could be a lot of clashes with people because you have conflicting ideas about what measures to take in certain situations, and this can lead you to keeping a very hard shell around you. You may feel like the need to constantly protect your personal space, your vulnerability and to not let people get close to you. You may have experienced a lot of turbulence in your home life while growing up or had issues with your father.

Pluto in 5H

You are someone who can have impulsive tendencies when it comes to pleasure. Pluto in fifth often manifests as someone who happens to get way too comfortable in all the good things that it may turn harmful to their well-being. You can become obsessed with all kinds of pleasures out there. This is mostly in extreme cases if pluto is conjunct any malefic. At the same time you are someone who highly values their personal freedom. You have a desire to take control over your happiness, your passions and what your inner child needs. You don't do well in enviorments that restrict you from creating something for yourself. You could have had experiences in life where you felt like you didn't have control over your joys. You always had to oblige to other or people came between you and your passions.

Pluto in 6H

You are someone intensely focused on perfection. You do not like when things are not being done the way you planned it. This is especially intensified if pluto makes a conjunct to any personal planets. You like control over your routines, your surroundings, doing small things for yourself. This can indicate someone picky, someone particular of what they need in their life or on the other hand this can indicate someone who hates following through routines as they feel it limits them in some way. Struggling with procrastination is also one thing for some people. You are the type to want control over any tasks, sort of become the manager. This may make you someone who is overly bossy, like in a good way if you know other people's boundaries. You may struggle a bit with 0CD, feel like you have stay on top of your work, etc.

Pluto in 7H

What you love, is to be in control of your relationships. You may have bit of obsessive tendencies when it comes to the people you are romantically involved with and you also seek this depth in all your friendships. You are the type to not open up with just anyone, and relationships often come as a challenge because you look so deep within all the situations with other people. Casual relationships, platonic or romantic, aren't your thing. This is especially heightened if any personal planets make a conjunct to your pluto. You seek control over your relationships as well, to gain a good amount of understanding of it. Relationships transform you, this is due to the very depth with which you seek to understand other people. Needless to say, you may have had difficulty in maintaining relationships, or you may have had quite challenging people in your life that highly affected your ability to connect with others.

Pluto in 8H

You are someone who wants control over how you involve yourself with other people. This is especially effective when a personal planet is conjunct your pluto. You either end up in alot of drama or not end up in one at all. Because you need to be in check of what you are giving out and receiving form others. This can make you quite an intense person when it comes to business. Pluto does indicate loss due to an intense amount of transformation, and eight house is the house of transformation. So you can be quite good at knowing when it's time to shed the skin and become someone new. Or it may get challenging for you to find the light at the end of the tunnel due to a lot intense thoughts about what is out there in life. You may have tendencies to overthink your interactions with other people, and sometimes feel like everybody involve themselves in your business.

Pluto in 9H

You are some extremely selective about the beliefs you embody. But at the same time you have this desire to explore the true meaning of reality itself and sort of completely challenge the already set status quo. You seek to transform because of the philosophy you embody. It is deeply intertwined with how you seek to approach the world itself. You observe and learn on a very deep level. This is especially intensified if pluto makes a conjunct to any personal planets, it gives you this power over influencing people's beliefs and even be this ideal person people can learn from. Knowledge is very important for you to understand the world at large on a deep lens. You are generally interested in the more challenging side of "humanity" like world hunger, poverty, etc. You seek to find the core meaning and whether that meaning is acceptable or not.

Pluto in 10H

You are someone who knows the importance of taking actions that leave a mark. You do not let people dictate what you do, at all. So, you want to have the most control over the way you present yourself, act on your goals and your reputation. You could have dealt with a controlling mother, or people who tried to get in your way in front of everyone else. You may deal with a fear of public or being afraid of social interactions because of being so conscious about your self-image. This is true mostly if you have pluto conjunct a personal planet in your tenth house. On the brighter note, you wish to gain complete control over your career as well. You absolutely do not like taking orders from other and are a boss of your own rythmn. Your public image is something that allows you to assess your actions very deeply.

Pluto in 11H

Social interactions are a key to your personal transformation. This is especially true if pluto is conjunct any personal planets. You are someone who needs to be the best one between your peers or you are someone who struggles with social anxiety. This placement can make people either ambitious or anxious. And both are okay. The thing is you put a lot of emphasis on how well you are doing in your social circles and how many people you are able to, sort of, "gather" for yourself. You need people, you want control over the way people react to you in different circumstances and you truly want them to be on your side. This may induce either a fear of actually making such networks or an overzealous ambition that may lead to an obsession over your social status. You need as many connections as possible because of this fear of either being alone or not having a good status or even just beliefs instilled by your peers that you always have to crave validation.

Pluto in 12H

This is bit of a challenging placement, but I will say that it can be overcome if you use these situations to propel you even further in life, and not stay stuck anymore. It's about recognizing and accepting. This is especially true for those with pluto conjunct a personal planet in twelfth house, because pluto alone has weak effects. You really think deep, and it's almost this fear of how deep you can actually go. Your subconscious is something that really holds the power for you to understand how these thoughts can be channeled in the right direction. Meditation is one big game changer for you. You can struggle with excessive thinking, almost to a point that it's just challenging to even detach from those thoughts. Ground yourself as much as possible. You experience these intense insights into people's underlying intentions and your own psyche.

Thank you for reading 🩵!

[plutosunshine]

What blocks your success? Mars in signs

Your Mars tells about how you act and make decisions. Let's see what doesn't let you succeed.

Mars in Aries

Mars in Aries is an intriguing astrological placement that gives you a quick, fiery, and decisive nature. You tend to be bold and eager to take action, never shying away from a challenge or opportunity. However, your impulsive tendencies can sometimes get the best of you, causing you to act before thinking things through. It's important to check the aspects and house your Mars is in if you struggle to make decisions or act purposefully.

While you may not be afraid to take action, you often find yourself regretting your hasty decisions later on. This fear of making mistakes can sometimes hold you back, preventing you from acting and moving forward. Although fear can be a helpful guide, it can also hinder your ability to take calculated risks and pursue your goals.

In the moment of making a decision, you feel motivated and inspired, convinced that you're on the right path. However, the reactive nature of Mars in Aries can sometimes make you feel like you want everything right now without considering the long-term consequences. It can lead to impulsive actions that you later regret. By understanding your tendencies and working to balance your desire for action with thoughtful consideration, you can make the most of your Mars in Aries placement and achieve your goals with confidence and purpose.

Mars in Taurus

Have you ever felt like you're unable to take action because of the fear of wasting your time and energy? This mindset can cause you to be in a constant state of energy conservation, only engaging in activities you deem helpful or worthy. When faced with a problem, you tend to take your time to think it through, even if you've already come up with a solution. You wait, hoping the problem will resolve itself rather than taking a risk or seizing the opportunity to act.

The idea of wasting your time and energy is a significant concern, so always create a plan to minimize your resource expenditure. While being cautious is important, this mindset may hold you back from taking advantage of potential opportunities and achieving your goals.

Mars in Gemini

As a Gemini Mars, your mutable nature can sometimes hinder your ability to take action when faced with a problem. You possess many ideas for solving said problem, but the challenge lies in selecting the most optimal solution. Seeking advice from your friends and loved ones is a common practice, as it helps you gain a broader perspective and consider different angles. While communication is an important part of your problem-solving process, it's just one of the ways you approach the task at hand. You tend to share your ideas and receive advice but ultimately make your own decisions. During a conversation, you may indicate that a particular solution is the best option, only to change your mind later. It is because you weigh your options and consider different perspectives before making a final decision. Ultimately, what matters is that you come to a decision that aligns with your values and feels right to you.

Mars in Cancer

It's a common experience to find oneself blocked from taking action due to overwhelming emotions. In such moments, rational thinking seems impossible, as you tend to be hindered by your feelings and lose sight of the problem. It's easy to take things personally and fail to see the bigger picture, which can cause you to withdraw entirely and shut down in certain situations. However, suppressing our emotions doesn't make them disappear; it only creates more frustration.

Cancer Mars individuals are known to be emotional and sensitive. However, at times, they tend to suppress their emotions, which can lead to stress and anxiety. They need to find a way to express their emotions healthily. They should not fear their feelings, as they are part of who they are.

It is important to note that Cancer Mars individuals should not let their emotions control their actions. Instead, they should find a balance between their emotions and rational thinking. By doing so, they can achieve their goals without being too hard on themselves.

Mars in Leo

It's common for your pride and fear of failure to become significant barriers to action. Your initial reaction may be to ignore the problem and shift the blame onto someone else. Meanwhile, your fear of failure can be so overwhelming that you become paralyzed and unable to take action.

You may have an intense desire to be the best, but the thought of failing in front of others can be terrifying. It can cause you to hesitate and second-guess yourself, preventing you from taking the necessary steps to solve the problem. Ultimately, it would help if you recognized that failure is an inevitable part of the learning process and that it's okay to make mistakes. The key is to persevere and learn from your failures, using them as stepping stones to future success.

Mars in Virgo

Do you ever find yourself stuck in a cycle of planning and strategizing, only to feel like your plans are never perfect enough to put into action? This mindset can be incredibly limiting, causing you to hold back from taking action because you fear failure or losing control. It can be challenging to balance caution and action; sometimes, your desire for control over every little detail can become paralyzing.

The fear of chaos and uncertainty can be so overwhelming that you spend too much time analyzing and overthinking, causing the problem to worsen. It's important to recognize when pursuing perfection hinders your progress and to take imperfect action to move toward your goals.

Also, you tend to overthink your problems, thinking about every scenario that may or may not happen. Ultimately, you can't see the bigger picture.

Mars in Libra

At times, it's not uncommon for this placement to feel stuck and unsure of which direction to take. One possible reason for this could be indecisiveness. Overanalyzing and weighing the pros and cons of every action can make decision-making a daunting task.

Additionally, if you're in a co-dependent relationship, you may rely heavily on your partner's opinion when it comes to making choices. It can lead to planning your actions based on your partner's life rather than your own. If you recognize these tendencies in yourself, it's important to be mindful and make sure you're making decisions that align with your own desires and goals.

Mars in Scorpio

You possess a remarkably vibrant and tenacious personality, with Mars in Scorpio accentuating your drive and passion. However, this may lead you to adopt an "all or nothing" approach toward your endeavors, and it can be challenging for you to regulate your resources effectively, resulting in a sense of stagnation and frustration. Perhaps you've been pushing yourself too hard, and now you're feeling burnt out and unproductive. In such cases, taking a break and restoring your energy levels is crucial.

Moreover, your inclination towards being overly cautious, suspicious, and fearful may also hinder you from taking necessary actions. You can perceive what is hidden beneath the surface, which could instill a sense of doubt and hesitation in you, making it difficult to trust your gut and act on your instincts. However, balancing prudence and action is essential to accomplish your objectives and success.

Mars in Sagittarius

Sagittarius Mars individuals are known for their enthusiastic and adventurous spirit. They are full of inspiration and ideas, always seeking new experiences and challenges to conquer. However, the problem with having so many interests and passions is that it can be difficult to focus all their energy on just one thing.

Sagittarius Mars natives constantly seek new opportunities and adventures, often feeling restless when stuck in one place or situation for too long. They crave variety and excitement, which can make it challenging to commit to a single project or goal. They may start multiple endeavors at once, only to lose interest or become distracted before they can see them through to completion.

While this can be frustrating for those around them, Sagittarius Mars individuals do not lack motivation or drive. They have too many interests and passions to pursue and struggle to choose just one. They may benefit from finding ways to channel their energy and focus on a particular goal or project while still allowing themselves the freedom to explore their other interests on the side.

Overall, Sagittarius Mars individuals have a lot of potential and creativity. Still, they may need to improve their focus and discipline to achieve their goals and dreams.

Mars in Capricorn

Capricorn Mars individuals are known for their dedication, persistence, and strategic thinking. They approach their goals with a powerful and determined mindset, willing to put in the hard work and effort to succeed. However, to truly excel, they need to have a goal they genuinely believe in and are passionate about.

Setbacks or obstacles do not easily deter Capricorn Mars natives. They are willing to put in the time and effort to achieve their goals and understand that success often requires a long-term approach. They are strategic thinkers who identify opportunities and plan their actions accordingly.

However, Capricorn Mars individuals may need a clear goal or purpose to channel their energy and focus. They need a driving force, a reason to invest their time and effort into a particular project or endeavor. They may benefit from reflecting on their values and priorities and identifying a goal that aligns with these beliefs.

Once they have a goal, Capricorn Mars individuals are a force to be reckoned with. They are willing to put in the hard work and dedication necessary to succeed and are not easily swayed by distractions or setbacks. They are powerful and determined, capable of achieving great things when they have a clear purpose and goal driving them forward.

Overall, Capricorn Mars individuals are powerful and strategic thinkers, but they need a strong sense of purpose and belief to excel truly. With a clear goal in mind, they can achieve great things and make a lasting impact in their chosen field.

Aquarius Mars

An Aquarius Mars person may get easily distracted from their goals by idealization. They tend to have a very idealistic approach to life, sometimes leading to a lack of focus and direction. They may become so absorbed in their dreams and ideals that they lose sight of the practical steps they need to take to achieve their goals. As a result, they may find themselves constantly starting new projects without ever following through on any of them. They need to learn to balance their idealism with a practical approach to achieving their goals.

An Aquarius Mars person has their Mars in a fixed sign, meaning they have the tenacity and determination to achieve whatever they put their mind to. However, they can sometimes get bogged down by their own idealism and lofty goals. To truly let their genius ideas bloom, they need to learn to let go of their idealization and embrace a more flexible approach. By doing so, they can harness their natural creativity and innovation to achieve great things and impact the world.

Pisces Mars

Pisces Mars individuals are known for their heightened intuition and empathetic nature. They possess a deep sense of compassion that enables them to connect with people on a deeper level. However, they may need help with logical thinking and practicality due to their tendency to get lost in their own thoughts and emotions. As a result, they may find it challenging to stay focused and organized, leading to a lack of structure in their lives. Additionally, their inclination towards idealism and vivid imagination may cause them to get lost in illusions and daydreams. Despite these challenges, their intuitive and compassionate nature allows them to offer a unique perspective and a deep understanding of others.

Lack of structure doesn't allow them to achieve goals persistently. These individuals start blaming themselves for not being good enough and get lost in regret and old traumas. You need to add some structure to your life in a way that works for you. You need to use all your senses to understand which kind of routine works for you.

[flanaganfilm]

Good day Mr Flanagan. please what does "the rest is confetti" mean to you and in the context it was used in hill house??

Okay, here we go. Buckle up for a long read.

To answer this, I've got to explain a little bit about what was happening and where I was when I sat down to write episode 10 of The Haunting of Hill House.

Hill House was not a fun shoot. The picture above is from very early in production, when I was still chubby and happy.

It was my first foray into television. I was absolutely terrified that I'd mess it up. So I'd opted to direct all of the episodes myself, figuring that - if nothing else - I'd have no one else to blame if it went south.

It was the most grueling professional experience of my career. The shoot was by no means a smooth one, every day was an uphill battle from a budgetary perspective, and between the three giant production entities involved with the production, I spent a lot of time fighting over the creative and logistical elements of the series.

I began losing weight. I was smoking two packs of cigarettes a day.

By the end of the shoot, I had dropped almost 40 lbs.

I was very depressed. Every day was a battle, and for the first time in my career, I wasn't excited to go to work in the morning. We were fighting for basic resources, fighting for the show we wanted, and even fighting amongst ourselves by the end. It was grueling.

We hadn't written all of the scripts when we started production. I believe we had finished through episode 7, but the rest of the scripts had to be finished while we were already shooting.

We'd mapped everything out in the writers room, and I had great support on the other episodes, but I was writing the finale solo. I'd thought I'd be able to juggle it with everything else. I quickly fell behind.

I finally got to the script about halfway through production. I'd work on it between takes at the monitor, and then get home to our tiny rental house in Atlanta, where Kate was waiting with our baby son. (One of the rare bright spots of this shoot came when Kate found out she was pregnant about halfway through production. We even named our daughter Theodora, in honor of her origins.)

I'd typically fall down from exhaustion when I got home, but I had to push through it and work on the script. My weekends were spent shotlisting and prepping for upcoming episodes. We didn't have enough time to stay ahead of prep, so every available day was used for that... I went three months without a single day off at one point.

I'd sit up late staring at the script. I was in a dark, dark place. Overwhelmed, exhausted, and feeling like I lived in an eternal present. Each day bled into the next and it didn't feel like there was an end in sight. That feeling of unreality was heightened because we kept returning to the same sets, same locations, and even the same scenes throughout the 100 shooting-day production. Stepping back into the exact room we had shot in days or weeks or even months ago made the whole thing feel absolutely surreal. Making movies is always an non-linear experience, but this one felt particularly so... it was like the days of our lives were happening to us all out of order.

I remember feeling something like despair creeping into my daily experience on the show. And I remember dwelling on that when I got into the scene work of episode 10.

As I worked through the draft, I recall that despair coloring a lot of what was on the page. My filter was breaking down. There's a monologue at the beginning of the episode where Steven's wife Leigh (played by my dear friend Samantha Sloyan) spews out a torrent of eviscerating insults about Steve's value as a writer. That is just me vomiting onto myself. She was voicing all of my deepest insecurities about myself at the time, and of what I was doing with this series.

She says "Is anything real before you write it, Steve? The things you write about, they're real. Those people are real, their feelings are real, their pain is real - but not to you, is it. Not until you chew it up, digest it, and shit it out onto a piece of paper and even then, it's a pale imitation at best."

This was the mindset I was in for a lot of the shoot. The writing became a reflection of a lot of that turmoil, and I knew who I was referring to in that monologue - I was talking about my family. I was talking about how much of their lives I'd used as building material for this show. I was talking about the fact that I'd lost two loved ones to suicide, and seen what it had done to my mother in particular. And I knew I was using - possibly even exploiting - those people for this series.

There's a lot of despair in this episode. The Red Room, as we conceived it, was a place that would feed upon those emotions. Grief, sadness, loss... those were the real ghosts of our series, and where our characters find themselves at the start of the finale. They're being slowly digested - eaten alive - by those feelings.

So finally, it came time to write Nell's final scene with her siblings. I knew from the outline we'd constructed in the writers room what this was supposed to accomplish - she was supposed to be their salvation. She was supposed to take all of these feelings that we'd been wrestling with and finally provide catharsis... finally say something that would free everyone.

I remember sitting with a blinking cursor for a long time. The Crain siblings had just turned and seen Nellie standing by the door, and suddenly were able to hear her speak. But what should she say? What would I say? What would I want someone to say to me?

What she ultimately says lays bare a lot of what I was thinking about when it comes to grief. It exists outside of linear time, much as I felt I existed at the time. That sense of eternal present, that sense of a nonlinear eternity of moments and memories - it all came out in her speech to her brothers and sisters.

I remember feeling, looking at my insane present and looking back at my past, how strangely overwhelmed I was by memories. That I wasn't experiencing time in a straight line, and hadn't been for a while - for the better part of a year, I'd felt more like I was standing in a whirlwind of moments. "Our moments fall around us like..." Nell said, and I recall sitting back and trying to find the words.

"Rain," for certain, but there was something too uniform about that. The moments of life as I experienced them weren't that orderly, they weren't that small. They didn't fall the same way. Some sailed by, fast and unremarkable, while others lingered in front of me, twisting and stretching. So it was a good word, but not the right word. I left it on the page though.

"Snow" was my next attempt. Better, in that I imagined the snow blowing in the wind, swirling and dancing and feeling more organic. More chaotic. More like life. But for some reason, the word that stuck with me, the word I felt Nell Crain would connect with was...

"Confetti."

And that was because I was thinking not of Victoria Pedretti at this point, but of Violet McGraw.

Violet played Young Nell, and I wondered what she might have said if she experienced time this way. As an adult, Nell was despairing. Nell was overwhelmed. But as a child... there was an innocence to the word. There was a joy to the word.

I imagined moments falling around her, this little girl with the big smile and the wide eyes. Her moments would be colorful. They would be of different shapes and sizes, some falling fast and some falling slow, flipping and turning and dancing in the air, independent of the others. Sparkling, whirling, doing lazy summersaults as they sauntered down to Earth.

I thought of myself, and of the members of my family. I thought of those we'd lost. I realized what I hoped for them, and for us all, in the end... was to look upon that mosaic of experience, that avalanche of days and minutes and moments... and to smile with some of the joy we had as children.

And this, I thought, was something that gave me hope. This gave me a glimpse of some kind of salvation for them. This was also how I hoped my life might seem if I was a ghost - a cascade of color and light and shape and movement, something I could dance in.

So Nell smiled and said... "or confetti."

It stuck with me. The rest of her monologue gets heavy again, and gets to the real point of the show - the point of the whole series, if I'm honest - and that's forgiveness.

I figured the only thing that would let the Crain children out of the Red Room was to be forgiven. I thought of the losses in my own family, and I thought of what I wished for my mother and for my aunts and uncles and cousins and I tried to pour that into her final words.

"I loved you completely, and you loved me the same," she said, "that's all." And this was the point I wanted the most to make. That at the end of our life, if we can say this about each other, the rest doesn't matter. The rest is that rainstorm, or that blizzard, that fell around this one central truth, and maybe built itself in piles around it, to the point we lost sight of it along the way.

And I thought again of that little girl, and almost as an afterthought, wrote "The rest is confetti."

I liked the way it sounded, but I was insecure about the line. I almost took it out, in fact. I remember asking Kate to read the scene and talking about that last line with her. "Is it too cute?" I wondered. She was on the fence. "Depends on how it's acted," she said, and I figured she was right. We could always take it out if it didn't work. The scene could end with "I loved you completely, and you loved me the same. That's all."

Why not shoot it and see what happened.

I turned in the script, we published it quickly so that we could start breaking it down and prepping it. And the next morning I was back on set. I'd deal with episode 10 when it came down the pipe again, sometime in the coming months. We had a lot of shooting to get through before I had to worry about it.

I recall Netflix asking me to cut a lot of that monologue, and I remember them also having questions about the "confetti" line. I pointed out that it didn't cost us any extra to shoot it all, it was only words, and fought to keep the script intact.

Ultimately, they insisted I make a series of cuts on the page. I begrudgingly agreed, but left Nell's speech alone. I made superficial cuts around it, throughout the draft, and even considered changing the font size to fool them into thinking it had gotten shorter (I ultimately was told I wouldn't fool anyone and not to risk starting a war). But Nellie's final goodbye stayed intact.

It must be said - Victoria Pedretti SLAUGHTERED this scene.

By the time we got around to filming it, things had never been worse for the production. There was almost nothing left for a lot of us. Tensions were sky-high, resources had been exhausted completely, and we were all ready to give up.

Filming in the mold-ridden Red Room was depressing, morose, and led to a lot of arguments and unpleasantness. The room itself just felt gross, always, and we were in there for days at a time. The last thing we had to shoot in there was Nellie's goodbye.

Victoria came to set having to push through pages of monologue, and she did so with captivating bravado. I recall being teary-eyed at the monitor watching her work. And when we finally made it to the last line, I watched her deliver it with... a smile. A sincere, innocent, longing, joyful smile. A smile informed by the sadness, grief, and loss of her own situation, of her own life... but a smile that finds forgiveness and grace after all. Pedretti knew how to say the line, and how that word would work.

And as she said it, I knew it would stay in the show.

Over the years, that sentence has become something of a tagline for The Haunting of Hill House. I'm always a bit mystified and touched when I see people approach me with the line on T-shirts, or even tattooed on their bodies.

I started signing it with autographs back in 2020 after enough fans asked me to. Now it's my go-to when I sign anything related to Hill House.

The line, for me, represents a lot of things.

It's about the insane, chaotic, non-linear experience of making that show. It's about trying to find and hold onto joy, even in the grips of despair.

It's about the way the moments of our lives aren't linear, not really, and how we may be unable to understand them as we exist in their flurry. It's about finding hope, innocence and forgiveness in the final reckoning.

And it's about how, outside of our love for each other, the rest is just... well, it's fleeting. It's colorful. It's overwhelming. It's blinding. It's dancing. And, if we look at it right, it's beautiful. But it's also light. It's tinsel. It flits and dances and falls and fades, it's as light as air.

The rest is the stuff that falls around us, and flits away into nothing.

It's the love that stays.

[charmedreincarnation]

When I say that this journey is real, and our struggles are not in vain, I am shouting it from the rooftops. A month ago, I woke up with my dream life. Obsessed with the "void state", I woke up one day being the same person but with an entirely new life. All because I chose it.

Your efforts aren't going unnoticed. The universe is always on your side. You are the universe. It's been a month, and I still feel overwhelmed with joy and wonder every single day.

I was once poor and battling depression, a reality many can relate to. But we found the law because we knew we deserved more. You can be ordinary, flawed, even unkind, but you can choose to transform and have it all. And I did just that. My parents, who were illegal immigrants working underpaid jobs, are now wealthy and respected figures. My last name alone garners recognition, and I am a socialite earning money just by being me.

I used to live in an attic infested with cockroaches. Now, I reside in a four-story mansion, complete with exotic cars, house help, cooks, drivers - all treated and compensated fairly. We also own three other houses across the United States.

I was once insecure, severely underweight, and bullied. Today, not only am I stunningly beautiful, but I am also praised for my fashion sense. I was once a dull person, but now I am radiant with positivity.

I attended an underfunded school where I was bullied, and teachers lacked resources to intervene. Now, I study at a prestigious private school that assures my entry into an Ivy League university. Finally, I am respected and appreciated.

I was lonely and uninteresting. Now, I am vibrant with a close-knit group of friends and a man who seems straight out of a Wattpad story. He's perfect, and he's mine.

This transformation happened overnight. And I've been on this journey since 2020. But how??? I surrendered to my imagination!

The void was overwhelming, but now I can easily navigate it. I was tired of giving my power away. So, I gave in to myself, to my dreams. I knew I deserved it. Even if I didn't believe it at times, I made the choice. If you desire something, it's already yours. It's done.

I didn't have a list or anything of my desires, just a vision of happiness. I didn't know what it looked like, but I knew how it felt. Now, I embody that feeling every day. My life is a series of plot twists. It's not perfect, but my worst days now are what I once prayed for. That old life? POOF It's gone. All I have is now, and I'm living it to the fullest.

My advice?

Stop seeking proof. If you're looking for proof, you'll never manifest your dreams because the only thing that needs to change is self. Doubt is a reflection of your disbelief in yourself. When I surrendered to my imagination, it didn't matter who was lying or telling the truth, because I had my truth. The burden of proof lies within you. It's called the law of assumption. You might harbor some doubt, but you must have faith like the devout. They believe without proof. You can too! We all can! Believe in yourself, and the universe will conspire in your favor!!!!

I agree! Your words resonated with me a lot. Faith, particularly self-faith, is such an important tool in shaping our realities. The ability to trust ourselves, our desires, and our potential is essential in manifesting our dream life, and it’s only so beautiful to slowly see yourself give yourself all your trust when you’ve never even liked yourself.

You're spot on about the issue of seeking confirmation from others. It's an unnecessary hurdle that we give ourselves but it’s human nature. Our truths and dreams should not be validated by anyone else but us. As you said, why should it matter if someone lied or told the truth? We are the creators of our own lives and thus, the only validation we need comes from within.

And I wholeheartedly agree with your point about deservingness. We don't have to earn our desires or prove ourselves worthy of them. If we want something, that desire alone makes us deserving of it.

More importantly I am very proud and happy for you !!!! You’re a testament of what our own imagination can do for us and I hope you only keep getting happier and happier <3!!!!