#riza: [screaming crying ripping her heart out over the colonel]

[thatmightyheart]

recently watched this fresh hot new anime called fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood for the first time and i absolutely loved it! also these two made me deeply unwell (positive)

[fullmetalscullyy]

uncertainty

summary: Riza sustains her Promised Day injuries at the same time Roy is pinned by Pride in the transmutation circle

an: tldr i was consumed by this idea all evening. the narrator, probably: this is the darkest timeline

this was originally supposed to be “riza gets her promised day injuries AFTER roy goes blind” but it evolved, grew arms and legs, then ran away from me. but. i am still v invested in that original idea so. why not play about w and write the same thing/something similar twice right? yolo

also. its been like. 4 and a half hours of work so if u see any mistakes no u didn’t <3

shoutout to those who left encouragement/interest in this idea and to meg for spurring the bradley being Bad idea along <333

rating: t | words: 3262 | tags: graphic depictions of violence, angst, angst with a happy ending, promised day, canon divergence, royai

read on ao3 

“Let him go.”

Riza orders the Fuhrer to step down, to remove his swords from the Colonel’s hands, to stop piercing his flesh. Her gun is trained on him easily and Riza discovers she has no qualms about shooting the man in charge of the country. She will not hesitate to do so if he so much as breathes in the wrong way.

After his appearance, and his assault on the Colonel, Riza had watched the tips of Bradley’s swords pierce through the Colonel’s palms, had seen them bury themselves in the gaps in the stone beneath her commanding officer. With her heart in her throat, Riza had inhaled sharply and drawn her weapon without pause, training it on Bradley’s head.

Riza’s voice didn’t betray her raging emotions within. For years – over a decade – she’d kept them under wraps for a variety of reasons. And even now, faced with this horrifying scenario, she did not let them surface. As much as she wanted to, she wouldn’t do it again. Not after her confrontation with Lust. She’d made a promise to the Colonel, and separately, in private, to Roy, not to.

“You were always an exemplary soldier, Lieutenant Hawkeye, following every order without question or complaint,” Bradley remarks. His spine straightens but does not remove his swords from the ground beneath the Colonel’s palms. He does not stop from looming over Mustang but turns his head to look at her. It’s reminiscent of a shark swimming right towards its prey, going for the kill, but Riza does not let that analogy get to her. She strengthens her grip on her pistol instead. “What has changed now?”

He’s toying with her. If she argued against any of his orders while his hostage, he’d have her killed.

A memory suddenly pops into her mind.

“You could always court martial me, sir.”

Riza’s eyes flick to quickly look down at the Colonel, lying pinned, helpless, and watching her anxiously on the floor. Mustang never would, but she misses the days where she could argue lightly against his orders and do what she felt was right and just by him and others she cared about and supported.

The doctor with the gold tooth writhes in agony above the Colonel, Bradley, and Pride, trying to call out for help and salvation, but the homunculi ignore him. Unfortunately, Riza has to as well, for she has seen how quick Bradley is and has felt the terror and harshness of Selim’s shadows, so cannot let herself slip for a second. If she does, it may cost her life. Or the Colonel’s.

“Simply doing my duty to this country and it’s citizens, sir,” she replies evenly. She holds no remorse for her actions. Not after the Fuhrer took her hostage for so long and the team discovered he was part of a scheme to try and kill everybody.

“Your duties involve following my orders, Lieutenant.”

Bradley is reminding her of her position as he trains his single eye upon her, but Riza tries her best to ignore it. It’s unnerving how piercing his gaze is, but she holds steady. She will not give into him and his intimidation.

“I am the highest authority to you. At ease, soldier.” He bites out the words, forcing them out as he tries to keep a lid on his fury.

“Not this time, sir.” She will not blindly follow his orders. Images of the desert flash inside Riza’s mind. Not again.

It angers him, but before he can react properly, Pride quite possibly saves her hide.

“We don’t have time for this, Wrath,” Pride sneers suddenly. He glares at Riza and she stares back, unflinching. She’s an expert at this by now after so many months under their scrutiny. She will not fall now at the final hurdle.

In response to Pride, Bradley angles his head towards him, looking away from her, and Riza feels herself relax momentarily. She does not turn complacent. Far for it. She’s too wired and on edge with the Colonel pinned in a transmutation circle underneath a homunculus’ feet to be close to any semblance of calm. But with Bradley’s gaze no longer pinning her, it’s a welcome reprieve. Her shoulders relax and lower a fraction.

“Enough of this conversation,” Pride continues. “We’ve got more important things to do.”

“Of course.” Bradley sounds so calm that it causes the knot inside Riza’s stomach to tighten. It’s the same knot that’s filled with unease and uncertainty regarding their current situation. It trembles and contracts as she stabilises herself and recentres her weapon so it’s ready to make a kill shot if need be.

“We have more important things to do,” Bradley repeats quietly to himself. His voice is without emotion, completely different from the rage-tinged tone he’d used just moments ago. Under his moustache, Riza sees a small smirk. One corner of his mouth quirks upwards.

In a flash, he rips the swords out of the Colonel’s palms, causing him to cry out in pain. They must have snagged on his skin because his loud gasp was laced with anguish.

Riza fires unflinchingly as Bradley charges at her.

“Lieutenant!” The Colonel’s cry is a gasp. She knows he fears for her, but she cannot focus on that right now.

Her finger does not let up on the trigger and it is relentless. She doesn’t have time to pay attention to it, but behind Bradley, Pride’s shadows dance around the room and she cannot fathom why. If she could spare enough of her concentration and tear it away from the charging homunculus, she’d realise the shadows were protecting Pride’s main body from her bullets flying behind the Fuhrer.

Bradley is too fast. He ducks underneath her weapon and outstretched arms, swinging around to her back.

Before she can blink, Riza can feel the kiss of cold metal on her throat.

Shit.

Her eyes widen, and so does the Colonel’s. His teeth are gritted together as he’s trapped in the transmutation circle, but his eyes meet hers immediately. It’s interesting to note how her own gaze zoned in on his during her sudden moment of helplessness, but Riza knows exactly why. She does not deny it to her heart.

“You’re a pest,” Bradley hisses in her ear.

The metal moves easily against her skin, like a knife moving through butter, and she hears the Colonel yell. As her body crumples to the floor he calls to her. He barks her rank, pleading with her to stay with him and focus on him. Her head hits the ground hard, and she’s dazed for a second. Her vision turns grey, and she cannot focus on anything, but still hears the Colonel calling out to her.

“Hawkeye!”

The others try to surge forward to intervene, but Pride’s shadows lash out and keep them at bay, pushing them backwards towards the outer wall. The homunculus forces them away from the two on the ground, preventing them from helping.

This is it.

She’s lying on the floor, bleeding out, with no one to assist her, and the Colonel is going to be forced to open the portal against his will.

She was supposed to watch his back and protect him. She was supposed to make sure no harm came to the Colonel so he could forge ahead and set in motion the plans he’d voiced to her over a decade ago. This was not how this was supposed to happen. Things changed in nanosecond and Riza’s brain has whiplash from trying to keep up.

“Do it, Pride.” Bradley’s anger is back under control. The bout of rage he’d experienced while advancing on her is gone. Or, it is back underneath his mask, hidden out of sight but simmering just below the surface.

Riza’s eyes meet the Colonel’s – no, Roy’s. His eyes are wide and panicked. She watches him strain against the dark tendrils holding him in place, but his struggle is futile and probably harming him. Through blurring vision she can see the colour red around his hands and up his forearm. The restraints must be cutting into his skin. Her mouth opens, asking him to remain still and not hurt himself. To not harm himself trying to escape to try and help her.

Impossible, she thinks to herself. Roy Mustang would tear the world apart for you. And you, him.

“Colonel –!” She wants to cry out to him, but with her injury it’s just a croak. A strangled, garbled call that doesn’t sound much like anything.

“Lieutenant!”

The homunculi ignore Roy’s cry, filled with such helplessness and anxiety. His expression is one of horror as their predicament hits him full force. His fight abates slightly, it stutters as his chest heaves with panicked breaths while realisation settles upon both their bones simultaneously.

They’re stuck and completely at the mercy of their enemies, with no hope of escape. No hope at all.

“It’s a shame to waste a soul,” Pride remarks quietly, sounding as though he’s talking to himself as he stares at the struggling doctor. His eyes lower lazily and focus on Riza. “When we have a perfectly good one right there.”

“Do it, Pride,” Bradley repeats, snapping this time. His mask is slipping.

Pride’s gaze lingers on her for a fraction of a second longer before turning back to look at the Colonel. His expression is unbothered by what he’s about to do. The complete opposite to the terror Riza can feel building within her.

You’re going to die, and he’s going to be forced through the gate.

“What will be taken from you Colonel, I wonder?”

Roy’s pained scream fills the air and infiltrates the gaps between her ribs. The sound cuts through her painfully, rattling her bones and constricting around her heart. She was supposed to prevent something like this from happening, but she didn’t.

Her vision fades and blurs even more intensely than before as the blue light from the human transmutation turns almost white. She cannot breathe. She cannot think.

The light winks out, leaving nothingness. The doctor falls to the ground, rolling slightly from the impact but Riza can no longer focus enough to determine what has happened to him.

You’re dying and he’s gone.

There was still a chance… A toll must be paid to pass through the gate so he may return alive, able to press on forward and achieve their goals and beat the bastards who did this to them today…

But it will be without her.

As Riza lies there, in a pool of her own blood, hearing her comrades call desperately out to her, a tear escapes from her lids and runs down her temple. She’s breaking her promise to the Colonel, to Roy. She’s leaving him, but it’s against her will, just like he had been forced through the gate against his.

She doesn’t want to leave him.

Images are flashing through his mind as he travels to the gate. It’s too much to bear inside his head. It feels like information is being stuffed into his brain far too quickly, and there’s too much. It’s overflowing. He sees snippets of his life, his past, and perhaps, what is yet to come?

Then there’s Riza, lying on the ground, clutching at her neck and lying in a pool of her own blood, but Roy blinks and she’s gone.

“Riza,” he gasps, the memory of what was done to her penetrating the fog inside his brain. It consumes him and his eyes squeeze closed. It does nothing though, it’s all he can see. It’s seared into his brain. He cannot escape the image of her dying, and him unable to help her.

The white room he suddenly finds himself in is featureless and unforgiving in its brightness. It hurts his eyes. Roy is reeling from arriving in the sudden and jarring expanse of white nothingness he finds himself in after passing through the gate, but he still squints and looks around frantically, looking for Riza, for some familiarity, momentarily forgetting himself as he’s overcome with his grief.

“What happened to her?” He demands an answer from the white being with the chilling smile. “Where is she?”

His questions go unanswered. When Roy starts to advance on it, the being simply smiles at him. After he takes about five steps, something secures around his aching wrist and jerks him backwards. Looking frantically down, wondering what is halting his approach, he realises with horror that these… things look similar to what Pride had used to restrained him before within the circle.

Not again.

“Is she okay?” His frantic cries are ignored.

Roy fights the tiny hands but there is no use. He cannot best them and it's worthless to try, but he continues to shout, beg, and pressure the smiling being to tell him what happened to Riza. To ask if she’s all right and going to live.

He has to. He needs to know.

Roy is drawn backwards, through a towering doorway, and into an inky black existence. Just like before, the last image he sees before everything goes black is chills him to his core. That white thing is still smiling at him in the distance, and for the first time since arriving there, Roy’s hoarse voice falters.

He will not receive any answers. He can yell until he is blue in the face, but no one will tell him if she’s okay, if she’s alive, or what happened to her. Terror was a constant companion after seeing Bradley’s sword slice through Riza’s flesh, but now panic was threating to overcome him once again.

Roy cannot lose her. He can’t.

The doors slam with a finality, leaving him in complete darkness that Roy gets the feeling he will never be able to escape from.

He’s blind.

The last thing he saw was Truth’s unnerving smile, and before that it was Riza on the floor, bleeding out and dying in front of him. That image was the last thing he saw in this world and it’s burned into his mind forever. It will not leave him be in his sudden pitch-black world.

He hates it. Abhors it. He wants to escape it but can’t. It’s with him always. A companion that lays out all of his failings before him. Roy chokes when he thinks about how she was left lying there, alone, critically injured, and he did nothing, could do nothing, to help or ease her pain.

Father tosses him around like a ragdoll, but Roy is still trying to adjust to being blind. He’s blinking furiously, hoping it will all turn out to be a horrible nightmare, but it’s futile. No matter how many times he blinks he cannot shift that image of her.

Is she even still alive?

He will not accept anything less.

“Sir?”

His head whips up and swings around frantically in its search. Roy thinks he may have been mistaken but… It is entirely possible his mind is playing a cruel trick on him, but he would also recognise her voice anywhere.

There’s a pressure on his forearm that commandeers his attention.

“Roy?”

The voice sounds scratchy. It catches as it pronounces the ‘y’ in his name, but Roy is filled instantly with recognition. The muscles of his face go slack as he stares wide eyed, yet unseeing, at the person he knows is in front of him.

Relief explodes within him. Muscles all over his body quiver and shake with it, and Roy cannot help himself. Every consequence, and everyone else, be damned. He surges forwards and upwards to his knees to wrap his arms – albeit clumsily – around Riza Hawkeye’s shoulders tightly.

He doesn’t even need her to confirm it. He knows it’s her by the smell of her shampoo and the faint smell of her perfume. It’s barely there underneath the smell of blood and the day’s grime, but it’s there, with him. It anchors Roy completely and tears surge into his eyelids.

“You’re alive,” he whispers.

Hands clutch desperately at his back. “I’m alive,” she confirms quietly.

Roy doesn’t care. He buries his face in the crook of her neck, and as an afterthought he realises he was lucky. It was not her injured side his face happened upon. Underneath his lips her skin is smooth and unmarked by the homunculi’s cruelty.

Roy inhales deeply and his eyes squeeze tightly closed as he savours the feeling of holding her, of knowing she is alive.

The last time he saw her, she was bleeding out. Dying. Chance, fate, or whoever, were smiling upon him today though, and Roy is grateful. He will take it. Roy doesn’t question her survival, just takes it at face value because that’s all he’s ever wanted in this last traumatic hour.

She’s alive.

Riza is alive.

His worst fear, his nightmare, had not come to pass after all, when it had seemed so likely before and he’d been left floundering, not knowing what the outcome would be.

The ‘how’ can come later. A tear escapes from beneath his closed lids and Roy simply rejoices in that fact while they have a quiet moment together. Another one follows suit when one of her hands lifts to rest upon the back of his head and pats it twice. It seems like a simple, friendly gesture, but he can feel the way the fingers of her other hand tighten their pressure upon his back. She’s still clinging to him and does not let up.

She’s alive. He can’t see her, but he can feel her touch and hear her breath.

“Are you okay?”

He wants to laugh. The joy bubbles up inside his chest when he hears the concern laced within her voice, simply because he is so happy to hear it.

Even if he cannot see her, this is enough for now.

“Are you?” He has no time to focus on himself. Not when the last time he saw her, she was so near death.

“Mei patched me up,” Riza explains, sounding hoarse.

Roy vows that owes that young alchemist a life debt. He will work until his dying breath to ensure it is paid for saving Riza’s life.

He pulls her in hurriedly for another embrace. It affirms that she is really there and breathing, and alive.

What he’s about to say is risky, but he’s in the mood for it. After what they’d just been through, Roy feeds the impulse because he needs her to know what he’s truly thinking.

Just in case.

When it came to Riza Hawkeye, his decisions always did have the tendency to be ruled by his heart, and while Riza still involved her heart completely, she was always the more level-headed and reasonable one, given their circumstances as subordinate and commanding officer.

Still, the situation called for it.

“I love you.” It’s whispered against the skin of her neck. Roy knows Riza hears him because her body stiffens with surprise.

Riza doesn’t respond until after a beat or two. It’s a simple nod, but it’s enough to know she acknowledges what he’s said. Roy doesn’t expect her to reply. They both know where they stand with one another and have done for years. The first time the sentiment had been expressed was after he returned from the academy, so this is not a shock revelation. It’s a means of comfort. A reassurance. And Roy feels it needs to be said. It’s also been a while since he’d last said those words to her, but right now it feels like it’s been too long. Another wrong in his book, but one he could correct immediately.

“I love you too, Roy.”

He blinks, surprised that she has said it back to him among the company of so many people, but they must not be paying attention to them.

Roy tightens his arms around her.

She’s alive, and she knows how he feels about her.

She knows.

They both do.

She’s okay.

That one thought eases all of his fears and leaves him feeling light, like he’s floating on air, so he buries his face into the crook of her neck once more to find an anchor.

[vannahfanfics]

In the Line of Fire

Category: Romantic Fluff

Fandom: FullMetal Alchemist

Characters: Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye

Riza narrowed her eyes slightly as she peered around the corner of the dilapidated hallway, her keen eyes scanning the dank area for any sign of movement. She raised her pistol, her finger resting on the trigger, as she edged forward. She whipped back behind the safety of the wall as the hall filled with flashing lights and frantic popping, for a rain of bullets ripped through the air. The projectiles embedded themselves into the wall a few feet away from her, a few of the crushed bullets clattering to the ground and rolling across the cracked concrete floor. The air grew silent after a few minutes of incessant fire, and Riza wrinkled her nose at the acrid scent of gunpowder.

“Have you cleared the second floor yet, Lieutenant?” Roy's voice buzzed over the transmitter in her ear. She raised a hand to press the button, peering around the edge of the corner once more.

“No, sir,” she answered with a small frown. “They’ve holed themselves up in the rooms.” Her eyes slowly trailed across the hallway, waiting for the enemy to venture back out into the open to take another shot at the military officer. A flicker of movement caught her attention, and she raised her pistol as one of the enemy crept out of one of the rooms, slowly edging his way down the hall towards the woman. Riza retreated back around the corner, listening to the sound of the man's timid footsteps slowly drawing closer. As she saw the edge of his boot poking just past the edge of the wall, Riza's arm snapped out to punch him in the nose. His head shot back with a sickening crack, and as he reeled she grabbed his gun with two hands, a semi-automatic rifle, and jerked it upward so the butt of the gun collided with his chin. He stumbled back again, but recovered faster this time and gripped the weapon tightly; Riza whirled it in his hand so that when he squeezed the trigger the bullets sprayed across the ground and ripped open his booted foot. He wailed in agony, allowing Riza to kick him in the middle and wrench the gun out of his hands. As he made for the weapon, she elbowed him in the face, and this time his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he slumped over.

“Get her!” came a gruff cry from the end of the hallway, and Riza snatched the unconscious man by the collar of his shirt and held him up as the air came alive with rapid gunfire once more. She held him up as a shield as she quickly ran along the edge of the hallway, slinging the rifle over her back and shooting over the dead man's shoulder at the black lumps she could distinguish between the blinding flashes of light. She ducked into an empty room and threw the bullet-riddled body aside, loading another magazine into her pistol and waiting for the assault to die down.

“Lieutenant! What’s your status?” Roy buzzed in her ear again. There were several sets of footsteps approaching rapidly now; it seemed the enemy wanted to overwhelm her with numbers.

“I’m working on it!” she grunted and slung the rifle into her hands, quickly dipping out of the room to release a spray of bullets into the hall. Alarmed screams and bodies slumping to the floor followed, but a few escaped her attack by slipping into the rooms a few doors down. Once again, silence descended as the two parties waited for the other to strike, and time ticked slowly by as Riza stood in the door frame with her hawk-like eyes narrowed and her expression stony. Come on out, she thought.

She gasped suddenly as the sound of shuffling feet came from the other end of the hall, and she slipped back into the room just in time before a stream of bullets ripped into the door frame. She slammed the door shut and flipped the lock, jamming a chair under the doorknob for good measure before backing away from the door. “I’ve been blocked in. They called for backup,” she alerted her superior as she wedged herself in the corner, as far away as possible from the door. She jumped slightly as it suddenly lurched violently, the doorknob shaking violently as one of the men threw himself at it in an attempt to bust it down.

“Lieutenant! Stay put. We're coming to get you,” Roy cried in her ear, but she was already crossing the room to head to the window, banging on it with the butt of the rifle. Cracks rippled across the glass as she hit it with all her might, and after a few good hits, it shattered and glass clattered to the ground, crunching underneath her boots as she punched as many of the sharp bits clinging to the window frame and turned to sit down on the sill.

“Can't do that, sir. I’m heading to the third floor,” she responded calmly as she pulled herself up onto the ledge above her, standing on the sill as she began banging on the window above her with the end of her gun. She ducked her head as glass rained down on her, and she slung the rifle around her back to grip the windowsill with both hands to begin hauling herself up.

“Lieutenant! That floor hasn’t been cleared yet! I said stay put!” Roy yelled at her, and as she pulled herself up into the window the door to the room gave way and she heard the enemy rogues’ feet pounding all over the floor as they searched for the disappeared woman. Riza dragged herself into the upstairs room just as one of them ran over to the window and ducked out, shooting at her feet while she rolled onto the floor, pistol in hand. She didn’t have much time as all the noise had likely attracted attention, and she quickly ran to a door adjoining the room she was in and the next as the door burst open and a man with another rifle stepped in and began shooting. She cried out as a bullet ripped through her calf, but she managed to stumble to the door and swing it closed just as another stream of bullets ripped through the air. She fell roughly onto her back after locking it, and she groaned as she crawled backwards to the opposite wall, leaving a thick trail of blood behind her. She grunted as she propped herself up against the wall, holding up her rifle as she watched the door lurch violently.

“Come and get me,” she growled as she held it up, her finger barely squeezing the trigger. The door jerked once, then twice, then another time, and she watched with hazy vision as the wood began to splinter underneath the force.

Then silence. The only sound was her own ragged breath tainting the air, until the frightened screams pierced joined in, and Riza narrowed her eyes as a brilliant red hue glowed in the small gap between the door and the floor. The doorknob jiggled, then turned red with intense heat, until the metal could take no more and melted to a puddle onto the concrete floor. The door slowly creaked open, and Riza smiled and lowered her gun as her superior officer stepped into the room, smirking without a scratch on him.

“Well. You look pretty good, considering you just got shot,” Roy commented casually as he looked down at the blood smears stretching between the door and her, but despite his cool demeanor she could sense the hard edge of his tone and see the crease of worry in his forehead. He crossed the room quickly to crouch down in front of her, grabbing the edge of his cloak to rip a large section of the fabric free. She gritted her teeth as he propped up her leg slightly to wrap the strip of fabric around her upper leg, tying it tightly to stop the flow of blood from her gunshot wound. He smiled slightly as Riza glanced at the door. “Don’t worry. I have Havoc keeping watch. We need to get you out of here,” he grunted as he slipped her arm around his shoulder and dragged her to her feet.

“I can walk on my own, sir,” she protested, but then hissed in pain as she tried to place her weight on her leg. The colonel ignored her objection and began walking her out of the room, where Havoc was leaning in the door frame with a rifle taking shots at whatever fool poked his head out of the room they were hiding in. Wiggling the cigarette in his mouth, he waved lightly at Riza and the colonel as she limped up beside him.

“Well, this mission is going great. I knew clearing out insurgents was going to be a cake walk,” he said cheerfully.

“Shut up, Havoc,” Roy grumbled and propped Riza against the wall, stepping briskly out into the hall. Before any of the enemy couldn’t react, he released a stream of fire down the hall, and the sound of screams mingled with the roaring flames. “There. That should buy us some time,” he huffed as he watched the burning hallway, ducking back into the room to once again support Riza and begin walking her slowly towards the stairs. Havoc walked backwards behind them, holding the gun steady as he watched for any sign of the enemy.

“Really, I’m fine,” Riza grunted as she shuffled along beside her superior. Really, she knew she wasn’t, but he had one arm around her middle and was pressing her close as he half-walked, half-dragged her down the hallway, and the feeling of his warmth made a blush rise to her cheeks even despite the dire situation. Even in the midst of battle this man drives me insane, she thought, hoping she couldn’t hear her heart beating furiously.

“Don’t try and act tough,” he sighed as he kicked open the door to the stairs, easing her down onto the first step as Havoc held open the door. She pursed her lips, but then inhaled sharply as she put her weight down on his injured leg for a moment, and intense pain shot through her nerves in an instant and made her entire body shudder as she tried not to scream. Despite Roy tying off the wound, blood was still dripping out of her, spattering onto the steps as they inched their way down. I’m hurt worse than I thought, she realized as she clenched her teeth.

Suddenly, the door to the stairs crashed open with a bang!, and Havoc unleashed a stream of bullets and caught the perpetrators off-guard for a moment.

“Let’s get the hell out of here!” the blonde-haired man cried, then cursed as his cigarette fell out of his mouth. Riza cried out in alarm as she felt her legs suddenly give way, and she blushed fiercely as she realized that Roy had scooped her into his arms and was carrying her down the steps as Havoc shot repeatedly at the enemy behind them. She ducked her head as a bullet whizzed by, clipping a few strands of her hair as it went. Resigned to the situation, all she could do was throw her arms around her neck and hang on tightly, her heart pounding the entire time.

Somehow, they made it down to the first floor alive, and as they crashed through the door the insurgents behind them were met with the barrels of fifteen guns. It seemed the first floor had been cleared successfully and the military had made base camp there, luckily for the harried colonel and his two subordinates. The few surviving renegades that had chased them down the stairs opted to surrender, and as they dropped to their knees and were taken into custody, Roy carried Riza over to the medical tent and gently set her down onto a wooden box while a nurse came to fuss over her.

“It’s a clean wound, thankfully,” the woman smiled up at her as she assessed the damage. “Thanks to the colonel cutting off your blood flow, you didn’t lose too much blood, so you'll be fine. I’ll go arrange for transport, so we can get you to a hospital,” she chirped before vanishing into the tent to start a radio call. Riza sat calmly on the box while Roy bent down in front of her, staring at her bleeding leg.

“It’s nothing, sir,” she told him firmly.

“’Nothing’ my ass,” he muttered. “I shouldn’t have sent you out there alone,” he sighed and ran his hand through his dark black hair. He narrowed his eyes sadly, reaching out with a gloved hand to gently touch her calf. A shudder ran through Rina’s entire body, and her heart rate skyrocketed. She was grateful that the glow from the lantern nearby eclipsed her raging blush, and looked away in mild embarrassment.

“Roy, we said we wouldn’t do stuff like this while we're on the job-" she hissed under her breath, and then she gasped when his finger caught her underneath the chin and turned her face. She blinked as his lips suddenly covered her own, but she found that she could not pull back; instead, her eyes drifted closed and she leaned into the kiss, her hand reaching up to gently cup Roy's cheek. They kissed for a moment, and then he pulled back, but only mere inches.

“I don’t care about that. You’re hurt,” he murmured.

“That nurse said I would be fine,” she sighed with a small smile. Part of her loved how much he worried about her, but the other part of her clung stubbornly to pride and hating to be seen as weak. Roy pursed his lips at her, unconvinced. Riza smiled and took his hands in her own, gently rubbing the tops with her thumbs. “Really, Roy, I’m fine. You saved my life.”

“Well, I guess it’s fair, considering you saved mine,” he murmured softly and brought one of her hands to his mouth to kiss her palm. Her heartbeat shot up again, and her cheeks turned pink. Ugh, look at him, he thinks he’s so smooth, she thought as he smirked proudly up at her, and she rolled her eyes and pulled her hands back as the nurse came walking out of the tent.

“The transport is on its way. I’ll start preparatory treatment here. Colonel, I’ll take it from here,” the nurse said socially, and Roy slowly rose to his feet and cleared his throat as Riza stood up unsteadily to hobble into the tent.

“Take good care of her,” he called as he uncomfortably watched Riza duck into the tent. She glanced over her shoulder with a small smile.

“Shouldn’t you be clearing out the rest of those insurgents, Colonel?” she smirked at him, and now it was his cheeks that turned a bright shade of pink. He scowled slightly at her as she chuckled and saluted him. He gave her one worried glance before whipping around to walk stiffly to return to battle, and Riza's smile slowly faded as she watched him go. Be safe, she almost called after him, but she knew that the words were unneeded. He would always come back to her.

Just like she would always return safely to him.

“Let’s get that bullet wound taken care of, miss, before it turns into a problem,” the nurse chirped from inside the tent. Riza hesitated, watching Roy turn the corner, and then obediently entered the tent so the nurse could treat her. As she sat down on the cot and allowed the nurse to begin inspecting her wound, she smiled as she heard Roy barking orders.

He would always come back to her, and always be there in her time of need. And I’ll do the same, she thought with a small smile, leaning back slightly as the nurse began to work on her bullet wound.

I’ll always do the same.

Enjoy this oneshot? Feel free to peruse my Table of Contents!

[bleedingcoffee42]

Catalyst

Royai Week Prompt: Day 3 Catalyst

Title: Catalyst

Word Count: 18058

Rating: Teen for cursing and innuendo.  The usual.

Summary:  A ‘ Life as We Know It’ AU where Roy and Riza become guardians for Elicia after her parents die.     In this AU they know of each otehr but haven’t formally met yet.

AN:  WIP that got polished out for this prompt as it fit so well.   No greater catalyst in Roy's life than the death of Hughes and here he has no choice but to dedicate himself to parenthood instead of revenge.   It is a little weird in this format due to being written as a chaptered fic, but it will work.

xxx

Roy sat awkwardly in the lawyer's office and did his best to keep his emotions under control.   It was easier to maintain decorum when in uniform, there was something about the crisp gabardine and ceremonial accessories that made him maintain military protocol despite his internal desire to break down and just mourn the loss of good man.  A better man.  A man more worthy of a good life than him,  His best friend.

The uniform always managed to allow him to hide inside it's protective shroud and that was nothing new.   He felt it the first time he ever put it on; the swell of pride, the honor and pageantry, the conformity.   He used it to find his own strength, to forge his way and mold himself and he also used it to deflect the blame for his actions.  Now he struggled to not use it again to absorb the blame, this time for costing Maes Hughes his life.

He stood up and went to the window, folded his hands behind his back and tried to chase away the tears beginning to form.    He just needed to get through one more official engagement for the evening and then he could shed this uniform, along with all the protections and standards it represented, and find a bar to drink away his pain.   First the wake, then the funeral, now this 'urgent' meeting with Maes's lawyer.   This day was never going to end.

Xxxxx

Riza felt Elicia's hand squeeze harder as she readjusted the car sear through the opened car door.   She bent down to the little baby girl and said, “It's OK.   I have to talk with the lawyer about something and I'll come over and join you and Hayate in the park.   You can trust my grandfather, he's weird but he's a grandpa.  Grandpas are always funny and weird right?”

Grumman chuckled and made a goofy face for the baby who was tired and fussy.    Riza talked with her like she talked to her dog, the poor girl was trying so hard.  

Riza braced herself as Elicia started crying again.   She was still reeling from the news that her friend Gracia had been murdered along with her beloved husband when the hospital called.   She didn't know Gracia had left her name as an emergency contact, but it made sense, all her other friends were hardly capable of taking care of a baby. “This is important, I think it's about you.  OK?”

“Go.”  Grumman said and reached out and shook a pill bottle, a makeshift rattle.  He watched the baby focus on it as well as the dog.  “Not for babies or puppies, just old men.”

Riza looked up at her grandfather who was apparently going to entertain the baby with his medication. She didn't want to look too closely at the label to find out which medication it was. “I think she'll settle down if you drive a little.”

“I know more about babies than you think Riza.”  Grumman chuckled as she closed the door.  

Riza sighed.  “Know more than I do.”

“Miss Hawkeye?”  The lawyer, a Roger Colerain, stepped out of his office building and looked at the woman on the sidewalk.   He opened the door for her, trying to illustrate his impatience.   “We are waiting on you.”

She took a deep breath and tried to not snap at the man.   It wasn't his fault she didn't know that much about babies and had to stop at the store for diaper rash medication.  It was an affront on her professionalism, she was never late.  Still, she wanted this over with and the sooner the better. “Sorry sir.”

Colerain held the door long enough for her to get in the building and then let go, hurrying past her.   “My office is down the hall.”

Riza watched him rush down the carpeted hallway and took slightly smaller strides than she normally did.   His attitude was screaming how inconvenienced he was and it was beyond rude.  So she made him wait as he held the door open to his office and stepped inside slowly it was then that she noticed there was someone else waiting.  She recognized him from photos all over the Hughes home.  It was Maes's best friend, the man he so desperately wanted to set her up with.   “Sorry, I didn't know someone else was waiting on me.”

Roy watched the lawyer huff dramatically and circle around to his side of the desk.  He wanted to be the asshole Colonel right now and rip into him about his less than professional demeanor, but he needed to be level headed for whatever this was about,  he owed that to Maes.   “It's not a problem.  I'm Roy, Maes's friend.”

“I'm Riza.   I was friends with Gracia.”  She said and shook his hand.  The lawyer opened up a folder and they both sat down.

“As you know, Mr. and Mrs. Hughes were very dedicated to their daughter.”  Colerain said and pulled out a packet of papers and sit it down in front of the two.   “In the event of their death they made provisions for little Elicia.   They left custody of her to you.”

“You who?”  Roy asked and leaned over the paper as the man's eyes darted between him and Riza.

Riza looked at the paper and saw it typed out in bold back ink:   Custody of Elicia Hughes would be shared between Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye until she was 18.   She stared at it.   Taking Elicia after the news of Gracia and Maes's death was one thing, taking her for 18 years....

“He never said anything about this.” Roy said and looked up at the lawyer.   His heart almost stopped.   Custody of a baby?  His best friend's baby? Maes knew damned well he was barely a functioning adult, why the hell would he do this to his kid?

“Unfortunately there may not have been a time to discuss this with you since it was drawn up less than two months ago.”  Colerain put a pen on the paper.   “People always think they have all the time in the world.”

Riza read that line again.  “Shared custody?”

“Mr. Hughes believed his friend to be the most suitable father, Mrs. Hughes felt you to be the best option as a mother.  They argued and came to an agreement that shared custody would be best for their daughter and also both of you.” Colerain explained.

“That's...so fucking like Maes.” Roy said and sat back in the chair.  Holy shit, the man was trying to shove him together with this woman even in death!

Riza looked at Roy.   The man who had been asleep drunk on the Hughes's couch on more than one occasion when she visited.   “I know nothing about babies or this man.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Hughes left the house to Elicia, which she will inherit upon turning 18.  In the meantime they felt it best for their daughter to be raised in the environment they created for her.”  Colerain said.   “There may have also had some questions about the health violations of your apartment Colonel, and the spartan and minuscule size of your apartment Lieutenant.”

“I have to take that shit from him, not you.”  Roy snapped.  

“Spartan....”  Riza rebuked that.  

“I am not here to argue about this, just get the paperwork signed.”  Colerain took out letters the deceased  had written and handed them to each of the people opposite of him.  “They left you letters explaining their choices and wishes.   Each parent had their reservations about the other's choice, and the compromise was in choosing both of you for the task. You can inhabit the Hughes home together and provide for the child. There ample room for each of you to live separate from each other while still being together to be the parents this little girl lost.”

Roy reluctantly took the letter, knowing he would cave reading words from his best friend.   He looked over at Riza who wore a similar look on her face.   He took  a breathe and focused on the letter and started to read, hoping it wouldn't drive tears from his eyes that he had been holding back all day.  

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Jean Havoc picked up Elicia and cradled her in his arms.  He picked up the bottle and placed it close to her mouth so when she stopped crying he could count on her instinctive response to nurse.    It worked like a charm.  “See, nothing to it. And I thought you were good with women.”

“I'm usually the one sucking nipples.” Roy said and Jean rolled his eyes.

“You have to stop acting like a bachelor and start acting like a father.”  Jean passed the baby over and Roy carefully held her and the bottle like she was made of porcelain.   He had never seen the Colonel look so unsure of himself, so timid about anything.   “The biggest secret about being a parent is that nobody knows what they're doing.   Nobody is prepared for it like they think they are.  Everyone learns along the way.”

“I am terrible with kids. I'm useless.”  

“If Hughes thought that he would have left the kid to me.”  Havoc replied. He had been raised in a large family and it was normal for cousins and sisters to have kids around and everyone help.  He forgot that wasn’t Mustang’s childhood.  

Roy held Elicia and watched her suck away and wondered how useless he was really going to be with this monumental task of raising Maes's baby.   The letter that the lawyer handed him had been simple, he knew that Maes had intended to write something else later on after talking with him.   I know you'd give your life to save mine, so if you're reading this letter I need you to give your life to saving my Elicia from a life without her parents.   I believe in you Roy, more than you believe in yourself, you'll be great.

“So how is this going to work, Chief?”  Havoc asked and pulled out a cigarette as he leaned on the arm of the couch.  This was the Hughes's home, warm and welcoming, the very picture of what a home should be.   “You and Lieutenant Hawkeye living together and raising a kid?”

“There are three bedrooms.”  Roy said and Elicia started to suck air out of the bottle prompting Jean to come over and take her back.

“You can't let her suck air or she'll get colicky.”  Jean informed him and proceeded to hoist the baby on his shoulder and burp her.

“Colic?”  Roy watched him walk around with the little girl as if he was a natural at this.   Humans could colic?  He thought that was only horses.  Holy shit he was in way over his head.

“Yeah.” Jean wandered over to the simple bookshelf as he bounced the baby and looked for a parenting or baby book that Hughes had to have.   This shelf was all picture albums.   The whole shelf.   He turned as he heard the front door open and looked at a surprised blond woman who was holding a brown paper bag and had a dog by her side.   Fuck Mustang!  He was being forced to live with a ridiculously beautiful woman in the Amestrian dream home!   The son of a bitch!   “Hi.  You must be Hawkeye.”

Riza blinked.   Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad deal if the babysitter was this handsome, muscled man walking around the living room in a black T shirt that could have been painted on him.   Those shoulders....what a lucky baby to be resting her head on those.   “Yes, and you are?”

“Jean Havoc.”  He walked over with the baby and held out his hand.   “I work for Mustang.”

“I hear he needs a babysitter.” Riza smiled and a few inappropriate thoughts went through her head about Havoc before she saw Roy walk into view.  He had shed his dress uniform and was now in a white shirt with his sleeves rolled up and his hair no long slicked back.   He looked lost.    Gracia had written in her letter that she didn't want Elicia growing up without a mother, knowing full well that would hit home, but then she went on to ask that Roy be given a chance.  That he was more than just some old academy buddy to Maes, that Elicia needed a father in her life to spoil her like Maes would.   They left the lawyers office with keys in hand to the Hughes place, she went to the store for formula and he took Elicia since she had been with the baby since the accident. Clearly he didn't last very long before calling for help.   “Sorry.”

“Nothing I haven't heard in this house before.”  Roy said and reached for the liquor cabinet and chose something that he could nurse on for a while.   He was trying to avoid looking at the pictures on the wall, trying to avoid the reminder that he buried his friend this morning and was now going to spend the night in his house.   He poured a glass and quickly emptied it into his mouth.   When he woke up in the morning on the couch, Maes wouldn't be there with a smile and a cup of coffee.   Maes was never coming home.

Jean saw the disapproval in Hawkeye's eyes as Roy helped himself to some of his own medicine.   He wanted to sympathize with the man, he lost his best friend, but there was a baby to worry about now.  “OK Chief, next class in Baby 101 is leaning how to change diapers.”

“I know nothing about kids, but there is no way that bottle of milk could be processed that fast.” Roy said and put the glass down and walked over to the man in charge here.  

“Someone's been feeding her.”  Jean said and waved the baby at Mustang and watched his face pale.

“Feeding her what? Good god!”  Roy covered his nose.  

“Breast milk.”  Riza answered and watched Roy's face display a range of emotions that started with surprise and ended with an immediate glance at her cleavage.  “Not mine.”

Jean laughed.   “God Mustang, in the fridge. Like half the fridge.  Might want to freeze some of it.”

“Right.”  He said and bent down to pet the dog Hawkeye brought.  He was good with dogs.   The dog wagged his tail and leaned into the scratched on his ears.

“Let's change her first and put her to bed.”   Jean nudged him.   “Then we can talk about what you can expect as a new parent tonight.”

Riza felt the shock waves of that statement the same as Mustang.   He looked up at her, curious to see if she was as effected by it as he was.   They were parents now, parents of a little girl that had been the center of her own parents universe and now was stuck with two strangers who knew nothing about babies or each other.  

Xxxxxxxx

“She's still asleep?”  Roy asked as Riza finally came into the living room and sat down on the couch.  

“Yes.”  She said and realized she had just been avoiding talking with him most of the night.  She got settled into the guest bedroom after picking up a few necessities at her house.   Roy had announced he was just going to sleep on the couch, which seemed to be his comfort zone anyway.   Neither of them wanted to go back into the bedroom that belonged to a now deceased couple.  It had been hard enough to go through their closet for clothes for the funeral.  “Your friend Jean was great with her.”

“He's big on family.”  Roy said and sat back with a glass in his hand and stared at the fire across the room.   “Lots of nieces and nephews back home on the farm.  Mrs. Havoc had a lot of kids and he had to help with brothers and sisters too.”

They sat in silence for a while and she finally looked over at him as he toyed with his empty glass, looking at the flames through it.   “So how is this going to work?  Are we really going to move in here and raise Elicia?”

“I can't speak for you, but I won' let Maes down.  If this was what he wanted, I'll do my best to make it happen.”  Roy put the glass down and remained fixated on the fire to avoid looking at the huge wedding photo hanging over the fireplace.   “I don't know anything about kids though.  I never even held her until tonight.”

“Gracia asked me to do this, I won't let Elicia grow up without a Mom.” Riza said and leaned back into the couch.  She wasn't going to divulge why that hit her so hard, she didn't know this man at all.  “We can do this for her, can't we?”

“Yeah.”  Roy said and knew it sounded weak.  

“You don't sound so confident Colonel.” She said and he looked at her with watery eyes.

“I can't even come close to being Maes.”  Roy said and sighed.   “She's never going to know him.   Elicia is never going to know what she missed out on.”

Riza looked up at the picture on the wall.   A happy couple, the happiest and healthiest relationship she had ever seen.      “How do we do this?  We both work.”

“We'll have to interview sitters.” Roy said.   “I can take some time off next week to figure things out.”

“I...can't.”  She said.   Her vacation was already used up and any time off wasn't paid anymore. “I make a Lieutenant's salary and babies are expensive.”

“I waste most of my income anyhow, I think I can put more towards someone who deserves it.”  Roy said and put the glass down.   His lifestyle was no secret to anyone.   That was the whole point, but somewhere along the way he got himself in too deep in the charade and began to use it as a distraction.   That was all going to have to change immediately.   Time would be lacking, money needed to be wisely spent and reputation needed to be cleaned up.   He was really unsure about all this now.

“That's not fair.”  She said.   “We are in this together and that means shared everything.”

“Riza, none of this is fair.”  Roy said.  “I think we both know you're going to be better with her than me and I might as well offer what I can which is finances.”

“Why do you think that? Because I'm a woman I have to be better with the baby?”  She asked.

“You took her after the accident and I assumed since you didn't call for help immediately like I did.” He didn't mean to make it sound like that.   “Plus, you have a dog and he's clearly happy and been raised well.”

“I called my grandfather for help.” She admitted.  “Gracia was the only friend I had with a baby and I didn't exactly beg to hold Elicia when I visited.   I never changed a diaper before this weekend.  I had no idea that was breast milk in the fridge, I have no idea how she could make all that.  It's like a dairy in there.”

“No kidding!”  Roy said and gave her a smile and they both relaxed a little.  

“I don't know what I'm doing, I just know that my first instinct is to call Gracia and....she's not going to answer.”

“Same here.”  Roy said and instinctively reached for his glass again.    “For years Maes called me every damned day, countless times a day since the baby, and now the phone's not ringing.   It always pissed me off and now that I don't have it...”

His words hung as they both heard the start of a cry from upstairs and she knew it saved him from expanding on something he just didn't want to think about.   He was up quickly and gave her a soft smile to let her know it was his turn to try to quiet her.   Riza listened to his steps as he went upstairs and the baby started to wail, then she patted the couch and Hayate came up to snuggle with her.  She hugged him and cried into his fur, for the friend lost, the uncertain and frightening future and the change of life as she knew it.

  xxxxxxxxxxxx

Roy could see the seething jealousy in Havoc's face as more women swarmed around him and Elicia.   It was unimaginable, that his popularity could increase, but here he was with a baby finding out that anything was possible.   Elicia cooed and was quiet and content, the attention was something she was used to from her proud father parading her around.   The attention was something he was used to from proudly strutting around, but this was above and beyond the norm.  

“Ah, so I see what the disruption is now.”  Said a voice from behind him that put an immediate end to the laughter and gushing.  The crowds began to disperse and Roy turned to see the Fuhrer standing there grinning at him.   He had nothing to apologize for, he had the entire week off to figure out his new life, but he still stood up straight and opened his mouth to say something when a hand waved him silent.

“I've only seen pictures, she's so much more adorable in person.”  Fuhrer King Bradley put his finger up to Elicia and she clutched onto it.  “My condolences young lady, your father was a good man.”

Roy cleared his throat.   Somehow he had made it four days without thinking about Hughes.   That somehow was more like obsessive working, from moving in to moving Elicia's bedroom into her parents room, interviewing babysitters, filing paperwork, staying up tending to a sleepless baby and finding no time for himself.   It was actually a blessing in disguise.   “Sir, I didn't mean to cause a scene....”

“I don't believe that for one minute, Colonel Mustang.”   Bradley smiled at the child and then gave Mustang and wink.   “So how is parenthood treating you?”

“Still a shock sir.”  Roy said and realized Bradley was waiting on him to start walking with him so he handed his baby bag of diapers, bottles and parenting books to Havoc and followed the leader of their country into the courtyard at Central Command.  

“I hear you and Lieutenant Hawkeye are going to be living together and raising the baby.”  Bradley said.  

“Just roommates, sir.  I assure you there is no worries about fraternization.”  Roy replied .  Yeah.   Just two people, living in a dead friend's house, raising a baby without any parenting skill set whatsoever.   Yeah, that sounded like 'not fraternizing'.  

“I give you more credit than that, Colonel.  I can see the situation you are in and the role you two fine officers have accepted in order to honor the wishes of your comrades.   I commend you.”  

Roy was surprised by that.  

“It's quite a commitment though.” Bradley said and looked at the young Colonel who really had no idea what he was getting into.   “I found it difficult to be there as much as I wanted to be when we adopted Selim.”

“I...didn't know he was adopted.”   Roy replied.   He wasn't sure what he was stepping into here.  A casual conversation with the leader of their country about lines that need not be crossed or yet another parent giving him unsolicited advice.   The one thing he learned fast was that everyone had something to share on babies from their own experience which made them some sort of expert.   He leaned on Havoc more than he should, his own Mom was little help since she got him when he was five.  

“Yes, Mrs. Bradley and I were unable to have children of our own.   I didn't want to publicize that, for obvious reasons, and my wife was worried that it would also negatively affect our son if the country always saw him as our adopted boy.”

“Ah.”  And things got more awkward.

“So my wife wanted to extend an invitation to talk with her if you needed to.”  Bradley said with a smile.   “Especially if you are nervous about child services.”

What now?  

Bradley saw the flicker of confusion before Mustang could hide it.   “Child services has gotten more strict about visitations and interviews after that widely publicized mess with Shou Tucker.”

Child services?  Interviews? Visitations? What?!?

“I do not want to have another individual under my command come under fire for something like that again.   This country is looking on you now Colonel, your future is now directly tied to that baby if you choose to become her father.”

Roy saw a glint in the Fuhrer's eye as he glanced at him.   The meaning of the conversation was now evidently clear: an embarrassment of that scale from another member of the military would not be tolerated.  The people of Amestris already feared the army, they needed to see the human side of the soldiers in order to feel protected by their fellow citizens instead of kept in line by heartless men in uniform.   Hughes was killed by a serial killer, a man who had killed 30 people already, and the military  appeared helpless to stop it.  Barry the Chopper was finally caught and awaiting trail, but it was hard to feel safe. They related to the little girl left behind by the horrors of this world, they wanted to see what their country would do to put an end to all this evil.   So the spotlight was on him, a household name from the war and a constant mention in society columns.   His rise to the top hinged on his ability to become a hero again.   “Understood, sir.”

Bradley grinned.   “Excellent.   Mrs. Bradley wanted me to let you know she is also available for babysitting now that Selim is in school. She's missing her little boy quite a bit.  Perhaps it's a situation that could be mutually beneficial?“

“Thank you sir.”  Roy replied and Elicia made a squeak.   He looked down at her and realized that a much heavier weight was on his shoulders than he anticipated.   Then Bradley was off, taking long strides out of the courtyard to his next destination.   He looked back at Havoc who looked like he really needed a smoke even though he wasn't part of the conversation.  

Xxxxxxxxxx

Riza finished reorganizing the kitchen cabinets and finally turned to Rebecca who was tapping her fingers on the table.  “What?”

“You guys are really going to have a baby together without having sex first?”

Riza slammed a cup down on the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee.   “Look, if I had interest in dating that man I would have done so on the many many many occasions that Maes tried to set us up.  I am not interested.  This is not a situation that has anything to do with me or Roy, it is about Elicia.  I want a professional working relationship, that will be the best thing for her.”

“Right.”  Rebecca said and leaned back in her chair.  “How about the fact that you don't know anything about kids and neither does he?”

“We learn.  My grandfather has been amazing and Roy's friend Jean is some kind of domestic God.”  Riza said and looked down at Elicia sleeping on a play mat in the corner with Hayate beside her.  

“I love you Riza, but you really like discipline and organization and babies are nothing but chaos.   So are boys that live in your house.” Rebecca said and didn't want to point out that Riza had just went through all the cabinets and put things back where they 'belonged' after Mustang had put dishes away. “We were roommates, remember?”

“And I didn't kill you, did I?” Riza said and sat down at the table.  She was more than capable of living in an inconvenient or uncomfortable situation.   Eighteen years with Roy couldn't be as bad as eightteen years with her father.  

Point. Missed.  Entirely.  “So how has the first few days been? Getting sleep?”

“Actually it's working out well. Mustang seems to have issues sleeping and likes having something to do at night.”  Riza wrapped her hands around her coffee.  She had pills for that.  The reason she and Gracia became friends was that she had gone to a clinic for some sleep aides after a bad week of nightmares.   Gracia was a sweet nurse, didn't judge her, she managed to put her at ease and broach the subject of her PTSD with the grace and finesse of a dancer.  Her name fit her perfectly.  It was the first person she really opened up to about her problems from the war. Gracia had been the one to find Hayate, told her that a puppy would be great therapy and company.   She looked over at Hayate and smiled. He was a blessing.  

Rebecca nodded.   “Until he goes back to work.”

Riza shrugged.  

“Speaking of work....how are you guys going to figure out a baby and your jobs?”

“Roy interviewed people.”  Riza reached over and grabbed a list of names, all scratched out.  “It was more like an interrogation, actually. We still have a few more days to find someone.”

Rebecca drank her coffee and raised her eyebrows.  Then the front door opened and Hayate stood up to start barking.   The baby woke up and immediately started screaming.  She cringed, kids were just not her thing.  

“Shit!”  Roy said as he realized what had just happened and walked into the kitchen to see Riza bending down to pick up Elicia.   He may have been too obvious about looking at her ass as the woman at the table gave him a knowing smirk.

“Sorry.”  Roy said and Hayate came trotting over to get scratched and a treat.

“Stop spoiling my dog.”  Riza said and watched a chunk of something disappear out of Roy's hand and into Hayate's mouth.  Elicia started screaming louder and Riza felt immediately overwhelmed.  

“I'm out.  See you at work.” Rebecca said and grabbed her purse and gave Mustang a once over before she darted out of the room.   If Riza maintained her 'just roommates' and 'professional parents' bullshit while living in a house with a man that looked like that, she was a bona fide saint.  

Riza sighed.   Elicia has been almost impossible to get to bed after she had been out with Mustang all day being worn out and driven around.   Now she was far from tired and, of course, it was her turn to tend to the baby.  “Don't reward him for barking at you.”

“He's guarding the house.”  Roy said and Hayate looked up at him and wagged his tail.  

“He's learning that you'll give him treats for everything.   He never used to bark before.”  Riza said and Elicia kept crying.  She walked around the room and looked for a pacifier.   She couldn't find one when she got home and wondered where they all went to.  Then Roy pulled one out of his pocket and gave her an apologetic smile.  

“Sorry, I forget it was in there.” He said and washed it off before giving it to the baby.  She took it and started sucking.   They both relaxed a little.  

“Any luck finding a sitter?”  She asked.

“No...” He replied.  “However I found out that we need to meet with child services.  Apparently Maes and Gracia left us their kid but they don't get to be the judge of who is actually fit to take care of her.”

“What?”  Riza asked and rocked Elicia a little.   “Says who?”

“The Fuhrer.”  Roy said and Riza look mortified.  “He caught me at work when I went in to get some paperwork done and we had a little chat.   I looked into it and apparently even though we have been named guardians in their will, it's still considered a legal matter and must be finalized in court.”

“We signed paperwork. “ She reminded him.  “We signed the applications to be her legal guardians.”

“Applications.”  He said. “Apparently that's not a guarantee.  We must be found suitable parents, there are visitation and interviews...it's far from a done deal.”

“They...can take her away from us? Even when it's what her parents wanted?”  Riza looked down at the baby.   She was struggling with this but she'd make it happen,  they would make it happen.    “Who do we need to talk with?”

“I have a meeting set up with a couple who adopted.   Child Services said they wanted to have her talk with us about expectations before even bothering to discuss our case.”  Roy said and pulled out a piece of paper.  

“I have to work.”  She reminded him. “I can't just take more time off for this.”

“I know, I set it up for this weekend, in Dublith.”  He looked at the names again.   “Sig and Izumi Curtis.   They have a butcher shop.  Adopted two kids.”

Riza nodded.   “If that's what we need to do.”

“I don't understand this, if we were good enough for her parents why...”  Roy suddenly felt the pressure piling on.   He could fail Maes before he even got the chance to try.  “You know the damned government controls way too much.  They shouldn't be able to interfere with something like this.”

“You work for the government.  As do I.”   She reminded him.   “It's to safeguard the baby.  We have nothing to worry  about, right?”

“I can bullshit my way through anything.  Especially government evaluations.”  He assured her. “Nothing to worry about.”

Riza nodded.   She also had skirted through evaluations even though the way he said that was not very assuring.   “We need to find a babysitter.  They are going to want to see we have plans in place.”

“About that....”  Roy said with a smile.  She looked worried.   “I'm going to have tea with Mrs. Bradley tomorrow.”

“What?”  How did he get a date with the Fuhrer's wife!?!?

“About babysitting Elicia.”  He said with a shrug.  “I'm out of options.”

“How is she an option?”  She asked.  How did he even manage to get to to her!?

“Apparently she offered.”  Roy explained.   “Our situation here has been getting a lot of attention.  The military might be using us to reassure the public.”

“Wonderful.”  Riza realized Elicia was back to sleep and went to put her down on her mat.   Hayate trotted over and curled up next to her.  She was actually thankful Roy was so well connected, but the consequences of his popularity had yet to be revealed until now.   The whole damned country was watching them.  

xxxxxxxx

The train ride to Dublith was the first time since the funeral that they had to sit and do nothing.   Elicia slept, rocked to sleep by the train, and they sat looking out the window trying to think of anything that wasn't about their dead friends.  Finally Roy spoke, after he realized he forgot to get a camera and take pictures because that was what Hughes would have done.  That thought alone made his throat tighten.   “Mrs. Bradley is very excited to start babysitting.”

“I can't believe you pulled that off.”  Riza said and recalled the many times Maes had tried to tell her how Mustang could pull strings and make things happen.  How he always came through for him.   That there was more to his reputation than there appeared to be.   She hoped that his connections would make life a little easier for Elicia.

“I really can't take much credit for that.”  Roy said and leaned back in the seat to take a good look at her.   Maes had tried time and time again to set them up.   He could never be truly honest with his best friend about his reasons for shying away from any kind of committed relationship, and it was just easier to say she wasn't his type.   However she made a simple brown skirt suit look amazing and the reality was that he was looking at living with this woman for the next eighteen years, that was pretty committed.  A relationship was still out of the question, he was a disaster waiting to happen and casualty would be Elicia.   “She volunteered and was actually begging for the job.   I am glad you agreed to let her do it, I would hate to see what happens when I make Mrs. Bradley cry.”

Silence fell over them once again and Riza kept crossing and uncrossing her legs trying to get comfortable.   She was nervous and wished she could get to know Roy better before they were put on the spot and scrutinized about their ability to accept this new role.   One thing they had both learned rather quickly is that everyone wanted to give them advice and insist they knew the only way to raise a child.   It was already old.  

Roy tried to read the paper but the Barry the Chopper case was all anyone was talking about.   He could pick Maes's name out of the article without even reading it and thought better of reading up on how things were progressing with the killer.  He threw the paper on the seat and just resigned to silence.

xxxxxxxx

“You need to actually hold her, she's not a bomb.”  Izumi Curtis took the little girl into her arms and felt a warmth rush over her.   She smiled at the baby and Elicia squeaked at her in response.

“You should see the devastation that comes out the bottom side of her before you make that call.”  Roy replied and watched the giant Sig Curtis loom over his wife and suddenly melt into a a huge teddy bear of ooh and ahhs.   Elicia squealed in delight.  This was what the kid deserved and had up until a week ago.  He had foolishly convinced himself they were doing a good job, but in two minutes Izumi saw the truth.   They were scared and they handled her like they were going to break her.  

“So is she not having regular bowel movements?”  Izumi asked, concerned that the stress of this situation was causing health problems for the girl.  She saw them both hesitate, not knowing what 'regular' should be.

“I figured there would be some issues as we changed her from breast milk to formula.”  Riza tried to sound like she was knowledgeable, but all her information came from raising a puppy.   “I mixed them so we could avoid digestive upset as we transitioned to a new food.”

Izumi nodded. The new parents were in need of positive reinforcement more than anything.  They were tense, awkward and scared.   “Good.  That's a great call.”

Riza smiled and Izumi handed her the baby.   She took her and allowed the woman to readjust her arms so Elicia was closer to her chest.

“Snuggle her, hold her like she's the most precious thing in this world and you will never let go.  Babies need that, they need to feel your love.”  Izumi said and turned to the new father.   “You too.  You hold her like she's going to shatter.  Stop being so nervous.  She can feel your anxiety.  That makes her uncomfortable.”

“Ah, like a dog.”  Roy said and immediately regretted not filtering it.  

“Exactly.   Like a living breathing mammal who is part of your family.  That you need to care for and nourish.   Stop acting like you'll break her.”  Izumi sat down and Sig went over to make some faces at the baby and make her chirp.  

“Play with her and read to her. Sing to her.”  Sig said.  “Be a kid again.  She's your daughter, not a mission you need to complete.  Leave work at the door and be a Mom and Dad for her, not a Colonel and Lieutenant.”

Riza looked over at Roy and realized this was probably all good advice they needed to hear.  They were both guilty of just trying to do what had to be done to care for her without really breaking down and being personal.   They had just introduced themselves by military rank.  

“So you two don't really know each other that well?”  Izumi asked.

Roy snapped back to attention as two boys came running through the yard and tackled each other.   Sig and Izumi didn't even flinch.   They didn't look over at the two rolled around and fought.   “No.”

“She's going to pick up on tension between you.  So try to work your problems out away from her.” Izumi said and listened as Ed and Al wrestled and then took off sprinting towards the tree house.

“We're not fighting over anything.” Riza said.

“You will.”  Sig assured her. “Things amplify as a baby comes into the picture.”

Roy looked over as the shorter boy reached the tree house and they locked eyes for a minute, then the kid gave him the middle finger and disappeared into the wooden enclosure.  He looked to the parents and they just shrugged it off.   “What can we expect from child services?”

“Unexpected visits.  Questions you don't want to answer or have answers to.”  Sig said.  “Don't sweat it, they aren't trying to steal your kid.  They want to make sure you are taking care of her.  That's all.”

“I think we're both painfully aware of how unprepared we are for this.”  Riza said and looked at Elicia who was used to having parents who gush over her like the Curtis's. She didn't know if she could ever be like that, she still was just taking care of a friend's baby.  

“It's incredible you are trying.” Izumi said and then stood up and snapped.  “Boys!  Clean up for dinner!”

Roy raised an eyebrow.  Oh, if barking orders was all he needed to do to keep a kid in line he was going to be father of the year.  Unfortunately he knew that was not the case and he was going to be looking at a lot of problems in the near future as he tried to co-exist with a stranger.  He lived alone for a reason and he wasn't keen on explaining himself to anyone either.

Izumi looked back at them as they tried to not look crushed by the weight of the world.  “You'll be fine, you've already passed the first test.”

“What's that?”  Riza asked.

“I'll pass on my recommendation and evaluation to child services.”  Izumi said.  “I don't like home visits, I like seeing you out of your element.   Losing a weekend day, traveling hours to meet with a stranger, traveling with a baby on a train...you've done just fine.  You're committed to trying to make this work.   I'll give you my number if you have any questions but try to come up with solutions together.   You have to communicate and trust each other, parenting is a partnership not a competition. You're welcome to stay for dinner, but it's not necessary.”

“I think we'd both like to head home and keep trying to settle in.”  Roy offered and Riza nodded as well.

“Good luck you two.”

Xxxxxxxxx

Riza was tired from the stress of the day and was happy they got home early enough that she could walk Hayate in daylight and take a break from home.   When she got back she let him off the leash and he waited  on her to see what she wanted, knowing that if he ran off to check Mustang's pockets he'd get scolded by her.  At least one of them was trainable   She looked upstairs as she heard what sounded like soft singing and crept up to the bedroom where she found out that Maes wasn't lying about all those karaoke championships.  Roy Mustang did indeed sing really damned well.

“Wowow, My....Train in rain” Roy rocked away in the rocking chair and held the little girl close to his chest as instructed by Mrs. Curtis.   Elicia seemed to be happier with this and he realized he had been of little comfort to her since her parents died.   If she picked up on everything like a dog would, he was sure she was scared and miserable.   That was the last thing Hughes would want.   “Smiling vision, Time goes by.....will you forgive me? “

Riza watched Hayate go over to his new favorite person and get his long overdue scratches.  Roy tilted his head and looked at her, he looked tired and she realized he was unguarded and relaxed now.   He was breathtaking and it bothered her that she even thought that.   Developing feeling for each other was unacceptable and it would never work out anyway.  This was just a spark of lust for someone who was hard to not notice.  Especially in a half unbuttoned shirt.  She went over and sat down on the bed and smiled at him as Elicia wiggled in his arms.  “You learned your lesson well.”

“I didn't realize that she could pick up on things like a dog.   I think hearing that made me realize I was treating the dog better.”

Riza nodded.  “Me too.”

“It's kind of amazing to think that someone this young can feel that.  I guess it's really fascinating to see how instincts and self preservation work.”  Roy let her clutch his finger, the only thing he had ever done before he was saddled with raising Maes's baby, was let her touch his finger.   He refused to hold her even though Maes would have been pushed to tears if he saw his best friend marvel over the miracle of life like he was doing now.   “You can't stand up or stop crapping on yourself but you can understand that, huh?”

“I was thinking, that maybe we should start doing things as a family.”  Riza said.   “You and I need to get to know each other and she needs to be with us as much as possible.   I don't want to intrude on your free time but....for right now I think we could try to be less awkward around each other. She needs to get back to normal.”

“That sounds great.”  He said and tried to tug his finger back but Elicia's grip tightened.   “What do you have in mind?”

“My grandfather wants to have us over for poker night.”  Riza shrugged.  It was the only idea she had.   “He wants to see the baby again and he wanted to meet you.”

“Sounds fun.”  Roy lied.  Poker with old people, especially old Generals, was like going back to the academy and listening to guest lectures on tactics, history and the good old days.  

“Liar.”  She said and he gave her the most adorable smile.  “You should get cleaned up, starts at 7.”

xxxxxxxx

Jean Havoc watched and waited for two months.   Two months of Roy and Riza acting like they could conquer the world, two months of them acting like a family and two months of running on nothing but caffeine and determination.  Two whole months of running from the grief and truth of their situation.   He knew it was coming, the crash of reality and exhaustion.   Instead of being critical he simply got the Colonel a cup of coffee and sat down on his desk, the way Hughes used to do and said.  “You want to talk about it?”

Roy had the hardest time showing weakness to a subordinate.  Even if he was a friend, Havoc still needed to see him as the leader, he needed to always have a answer for things even if it was his personal life.   However there was something in Jean's face that told him that he didn't look at it as a weakness, that there was something about this defeat that made him human and that itself was more appealing in a commander than anything.  “I fucked up.”

“It hit you didn't it?”  Havoc said as Roy leaned on his desk, crossed his arms and rest ed his head on them.      “Everything.”

“Yeah.”  Roy said and looked at the picture he kept on his desk of Hughes and him.   A reminder that he keep his shit together because he had a more important job to do when he got home.   “Finally, I'm too damned tired to be in denial.   Hughes is dead.  I'm nowhere near capable of being his replacement.   I don't think I can do this.”

“Hate to tell you this Chief, but I've been waiting for this to happen.”  

“It's not just the fact that I can't bury this all anymore.”  Roy said.  “Riza and I fought last night.   I needed a night away and came home a little late, a lot drunk and very defeated.  And we slammed each other with the truth and it just made me see that these two months we've been living in this well constructed lie and there is nothing we can do to make this work long term.”

“You two were getting along well.   You were going shopping and playing in the park, going to the doctor together.   You were getting to know each other.”  Havoc said and pulled out a cigarette.  “You liked her.”

“Yeah, that was the problem.  I was getting to know her and I self destructed to ruin it.  Like I always do.”  Roy said and sat up.   Reservations about being honest with Havoc were gone, he needed someone to talk to like Hughes.    “It's been coming, I had to turn down a transfer to stay here.   I got resentful.”

“Tell her this.”  Havoc said.  “I don't care if you guys are going to be in a relationship or not, but if you can at least be friends you should talk to her.   The fact that you can't makes me think you were going for something a little more.”

“She's amazing, just like Hughes said.”  Roy looked up at him and shrugged.  “And I'm a piece of shit, just like she told him.”

“What happened?”  Havoc asked.  

Roy leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling.  What happened was he started to fall for Riza Hawkeye and that didn't work into the equation.   They were incompatible.  It was irresponsible.   He was irrational and inconsolable.  And it all turned into a shitstorm as he tried to figure things out because he wasn't used to living with someone and being considerate.   He was addicted to wallowing in his self-pity and he could only find that with his best friend now, at his grave because he couldn't talk him out of it.  Because Hughes was dead and he was crumbling without him.   Because this life that have been handed to him, scared him more than dying.  

Xxxxxxxxx

Last Night

Roy stumbled up to the door in the rain and felt in his pockets for keys.  He had purposely taken the delightfully addictive flavored moonshine that the Havoc family made with him to the cemetery tonight, knowing it would completely knock him on his ass.   He wanted to lay there in the rain and cry, crumple into a ball of pain and intoxication and wake up soaking wet, miserable and with a hangover that would haunt him more than Hughes.

That didn't happen for several reasons.  Apparently yelling at a tombstone in an empty cemetery at night got the attention of the patrolmen who guarded against vandals.   Yelling at a cop while fucked up on moonshine lead to a car ride to the jail.  Being son of the most influential Madam in town, was apparently great for him as one of her girls had been book for solicitation and used her phone call to call the boss.   Apparently Mom still could use her influence to avoid charges, and also convey her disappointment to her grown son and make him feel worse than the alcohol could.   Then she drove him home instead of letting him sleep it out at the bar.   He was tempted to sleep in the bushes.   Wouldn't be the first time.

Riza opened the door and looked at the man she was bound to by documents that made him the co-guardian of the little girl upstairs crying for her new father figure.   Crying for hours because she wanted to hear a song only he could sing.   And here was Roy Mustang proving to her she had been right all along, that he wasn't worth these feelings she had stupidly developed for him and was still an irresponsible fool who couldn't be counted on to be part of this family.  “Nice of you to come home.”

He stepped foot inside and the crying immediately set off his throbbing head.   Instead of saying he was avoiding coming here because of all the memories, of every fiber of this house reminding him of Maes Hughes, he said, “Not my home. It's Hughes's home.  And he's never coming back.”

She stared at him as he dripped a puddle in the foyer and stripped off layers of soaking wet garments. Things had been good, too good.   The family meals.   The joint trips to see Elicia's doctor.   Him crawling all over the living room on his hands and knees playing with Hayate and Elicia watching eyes wide.   The family meal at the Bradley's.   Meeting his Mom, and him playing poker with her grandfather.   They talked about the academy, work and Maes and Gracia.  They read about parenting in books and talked to child services like hopeful and promising parents.   They eventually broke down and started talking about themselves.   And the war.    But this was not Ok, not when there were greater responsibilities.  She didn't know what to say but her anger got the best of her. “That's the reality of it.   I thought you were going to rise to the occasion instead of sinking back to your previous low.”

And there it was, the judgment.   He knew she had seen it all from him, but Hughes had been his sanctuary.  The one to pick him up, the one to coax him along.   Now he was gone and he was so empty.  “I thought we agreed to stay out of each others lives.”

Did they?    Date nights happened, more for Roy than her, but they happened.   But on weekends they still spent time together in their makeshift family and it was good.  It was real.   It was....terrifying.   In two months this situation forced on them forced them together and they embraced it.   Needing something to cling to to hold themselves up.  And suddenly she saw how Hughes was able to leave the war behind and move on and why he so desperately wanted it for both of them.   “We agreed that there were rules that needed to be set but I don't see how this helps you stay on that path.   How this mess is any good for Elicia, or even you?”

“This is me?”  Roy said.  “It's no surprise to you.   You saw me like this that is why you stayed the hell away.   You're an incredible woman with great sense, you saw the walking disaster I am.   So if you will excuse me, I have to take off my wet clothes and go pass out on the couch.”

“This....made you happy?”  She asked.   He seemed happy with how they were getting along.  How had things progressed so quickly in two months?  She couldn't even admit to herself that she had been only half interested in her date with Major Miles two weeks ago, because she wanted to come home to him. The dork with his stupid innuendo and made up songs.   Living together made things escalate quickly, but deep down she knew that emotions were running high because of the situation they were in.   Deep down she knew that this was a dangerous road to go down so early, because this arrangement they were in was very much like the war.   They were trying to survive, they were myopic, they didn't think there would be a tomorrow.   They were both absolutely terrified and wanted to just put off thinking about it all for one more day.  His one more day didn't come, that's why he was standing her drenched and drunk and destructive.   “You were happy being like this?”

“I was happy.”  Roy said forcibly and Riza stared at him.   She was giving him an out, she was giving him an opportunity to try to explain himself and salvage this. And that sweet face made him push harder because he wanted her as far away from him as possible.  Because he would always be damaged goods, always be a ticking time bomb, and he didn't want her destroyed by the explosion.   She could dig out the shrapnel and move on, lick her wounds and remember the scars, that was better than trying to help him.  Maes tried to help and if he couldn't save him, nobody could.  

“Really.   So dating so many women you have to write them down in a book to recall their names is what happiness is?  Getting drunk and having the bar call your best friend to pick you up, that's the act of a happy man?  Alone and living in an apartment that should be condemned for health violations is the abode of a man in the prime of his life, living like a king?”  Riza asked.   Was that the life he really wanted?

“Yes.” Roy hissed.  It hurt to say it and it hurt more to see the look on her face.   Why wasn't she backing down, damned stubborn woman.  “This isn't real, Riza.  This is someone else's life we are living and it's been comfortable because we have been denying the reality of it all.  This is not a vacation.”

“You think this....is a vacation? You think this was easy for me?”  She asked incredulously.  

“I think it was easy for you to take this life Gracia left you and leave the shitty one you had.  You had one skill and that was shooting people from a distance.”  Roy glared at her.   “What did you give up?  A lonely life in a shoe box of an apartment with nothing but work and gun cleaning to keep you occupied.   Wow.  Let me shed a fucking tear for your sacrifice.”

“Not everyone wants to be the bachelor of the year, the man in the spotlight, the next heartless bastard to run the country.”  She shot back.  Elicia cried louder.

“I do.  I had that.  Now it's gone,  Gone because I can't take a promotion because I have to stay here in this house for a kid that's not mine.   I can't transfer, I'm stuck here and stuck in place.   So thank you Hughes for pushing me to the top, pushing this all on me.”  And he pushed her away.   Pushed it all away.

“If you don't want Elicia in your life, just leave.”  She said.  “Because I won't have you blaming her for anything.   I turned down a promotion too, Olivier Armstrong asked me to be on her staff and transfer to Briggs.  I turned it down gracefully, like an emotionless distant adult, because I had greater priorities than myself.”

“I don't blame her!”  Roy countered.    This might have quickly spiraled out of control.   She was firing back at him and he just wanted to end this.   Any other woman would have just called him an asshole and left or slammed the door.  She fought him...why?   “I....blame him.  I blame Maes for making the sacrifice I was willing to make, for taking that from me and in turn taking him from her.”

“Fine.  Then just leave.  Don't let us get in the way of you wanting to be in that cemetery with him.” Riza snorted.  “That's why I never wanted to be set up with you because you are a complete and utter asshole at work and at play.   A man baby at 30 years old.  Maes thought you were worth something and I never saw it.  Not when you were clutching a pillow on his couch with a trash can next to your head.  You're his oldest child was what you were and he was trying to pawn you off on some poor woman who wanted to baby you.  No fucking thank you.”

“Oh?” Roy countered too quickly, too well trained for snide remarks at work to let an opening like this pass him by.  “Like there was a line at your door to date the frigid Lieutenant  who was all protocol and no promise.  God Riza Hawkeye, sniper extraordinaire...perfect place for someone so damned distant and impersonal.   Gracia was afraid for your dog when you adopted him.”

“You know what it's like having to fight for respect, no.  You made it to Colonel just skating by with his charm and bullshit.”  Riza spat.

“No, Riza, I paid for my stars in fucking blood.   Not in lead. Not hiding behind the lens of some damned scope, by personally getting my hands bloody.”   Roy snapped.  “You don't get to judge me and how I carry that burden. You never got close enough to look at a man's life leave his eyes as you stole his life from him.  And this is exactly what this is.  I see Hughes's eyes everywhere I look because this is his life and I can't take it.”

“You think it was easy to pull the trigger?”  She shared at him as he clenched his eyes shut and tugged on his hair.   Elicia continued to cry.   “Good, because it won't be a surprise that you can walk out that door and I can be done with you after you close it behind you.  I won't have you be a hostage here, so leave.  Go take your promotion.   Go take you life back, every miserable alcohol soaked moment of it you have left until you die alone like you so desperately want.   Let yourself out because I have a baby to take care of. ”

And she was off, storming up the stairs to comfort a baby he could hear crying harder for the stress he brought into this house with him.  For the weight of the world he carried past the threshold instead of leaving at the doorstep. Home....was something he would never know again because he never felt safe anywhere, he never could let anywhere be safe.   And with that realization he turned and left, to spend the night on his couch at work.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

“You fucked up.”  Havoc said and finished his second cigarette.   “Wow, I really wasn't prepared for the grandiose Mustang level of fuck up that would be.”

Roy let his head fall on his desk and banged it again for good measure.   “The reality of Hughes being gone just hit me at once and I just.....”

“You fucked up.”  Havoc patted him on the back and then pushed the phone over to him.   “So apologize.  And after you do that, find a way to apologize again.  Then figure out what you want and apologize again.   Go home.  Look around.   If that's what you want fucking fight for it.  Fight yourself, fight for them, fight everyone but her.”

“How the hell are you single?”  Roy looked up at him and he shrugged.  

“I wish I knew.”  Havoc said and got up  to leave, Mustang was more complicated than he really needed to know about.  “Are you telling me there is a beautiful single lady who might be looking for a guy like me, really good with babies and not a major dick?”

Roy felt the swell of jealousy and Havoc winked, knowing that would be the answer he needed.  So he picked up the phone and opened up his little black book and dialed a number.  He knew he'd hate himself in the morning but he didn't realize it would be this bad.  Thinking of Riza alone in that house, trying to comfort Elicia and figure out what she did to deserve that....a carload of flowers wouldn't be enough to apologize.   He wasn't sure what would.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Riza came home from the Bradley's with Elicia in one arm and Hayate trotting along beside her on the other side.   She wasn't expecting the entire sidewalk and porch to be covered in flowers.   Nor for Roy to be sitting on the step looking like a scolded puppy.   Before she could say anything he stood up.

“I'm sorry.”  Roy said.  

Riza walked up and handed him Elicia, he looked down at her somewhat surprised.   Then she opened the door and he followed her in.   “Do you know how Gracia and I met?”

“No.”  He answered simply and Elicia cooed in his arms.  

“She was a nurse.   I was a patient. I went to the clinic for sleeping pills, because I didn't want it on my military record that I was needing help sleeping.”  She looked over her shoulder at him as he followed her to the kitchen.   “You understand.”

“It's hard proving to the psychiatrists that you're fine when you have medical records to the contrary.”  He said.  “Which is why I find my medicine in the liquor store.”

“I know.   That's one of the things Gracia showed me, the signs of...what we struggle with.  The distant interactions, the failed relationships, the solitude.   The bad medicine.   The need to sit with our backs against the wall, the way we push others away.   The sleepless nights, the nightmares.   The blood that won't wash off. “  Riza said and went for a pan to start heating up formula for Elicia.   “I only ever talked about it with her, because she talked facts and I listened.   No, I never talked about it, she talked to me.”

“Riza....this is not your fault.  I was out of line....”  

“Roy, I'm telling you this because I have to admit my deficiencies.  My fears.  You were right, this isn't home to either one of us.  It needs to be.  It can't be the place we are trying to escape from.  ”  She said and looked at him.  “What I care about is Elicia.   What I care about is her having a father in her life that will put her first, that will not give up even if he's struggling.    I lost my Mother when I was young.  I still had my father but he was gone mentally even if he was physically there.  I learned to keep my feelings hidden, because I felt like a burden. I grew up in a cold house with a cold man and I won't have that for her.  If you say you're sorry, you better mean it.  Mean that you are going to change, not that you just want to be excused for your mistake.   Your actions will make or break her.   If you stay, you have to be completely invested in being a father for her.   If you leave, I'll make it work somehow.   Having no father will be better than one that blames her for his life.  I lived that...and it's awful.  I won't let that happen to someone else.”

“No she needs both parents.  That is what she lost, that is what we will give her.”  Roy sat down and reached for  towel to wipe some spit off the kid.   “I lost both my parents, I know if she doesn't have the  family she lost then it's going to take away a lot of her childhood.”

“I met your Mother.”  Riza said and mixed in some formula with the water in the pot.  

“My foster mother.  My Aunt.” Roy said.  “My parents were killed in an accident when I was five.”

“We haven't been honest with each other until now.   We've both been Colonel and Lieutenant. Soldiering on and doing our duty. “   Riza turned and looked at him.  It was just like Mrs. Curtis had said, it was so obvious to a stranger but it took two months for her to see it.     “Last night I sat in the living room and stared at their picture.   I remembered everything Gracia had said and tried to use it as a reason why I wouldn't be able to be a good single mother.   Why my struggles would drown Elicia and I both.   Then I saw it in you.  Everything you just did and I realized I would snap too.    We have different methods to cope but we fight the same demons.”

“It's because of how we were raised.” Roy said and she nodded.   The impact of that was enough to scare her and that was why she was telling him this.  The impact that they could have on Elicia, was evident if they looked at their own pasts.  “If you hid from your father it would explain how you are so comfortable by yourself.  I had nowhere to hide at Mom's bar.   I learned it was easier to become someone else and join in the commotion to drown out my problems.  My Mom, she wasn't great with kids either.   She did her best and I love her, but she treated me like an adult and that didn't allow for the whimsy of childhood.   I'm glad, in a way, she always made me tell her what was wrong and we talked about it so I am more than aware of my emotions.   So no, I don't want Elicia to grow up and be like me either.   Maes made this home the place it is so it would be perfect for her.   So that she would never know what any of us experienced.“

“These past two months we have not been honest with each other or ourselves.”  She said. “However what happened last night can never happen again.”

“Agreed.”  He said.  “But why are you giving me this chance?”

“You...have a way with her.   I try, but she just is a Daddy's girl and that is not going to change.” Riza said. “I also believe Maes knew what he was doing, he believed in you.”

“Everyone needs someone their own age to play with.”  Roy tapped Elicia's nose with his finger and she spit bubbles in response.   “You were right though.  I was Maes's oldest kid.  You were horribly wrong about one thing though, I'm not thirty yet.”

“Did she really worry about Hayate?” Riza asked and the dog looked up at her and wagged his tail.  She turned to the pot as the water began to boil.

“Something about harsh discipline.” Roy said.   “But the first time they saw you pick him up they had no doubts you'd be great with him.  And you are.”

“I take comfort in protocol.  In distance.  In solitude.”  She said.  She had plenty of time to critique herself last night as Elicia didn't want to sleep.   The baby felt her own anxiety and feed off it.  She finally made a bed of Roy's blankets and pillow on the couch and the baby dozed off.   Comforted by a man who struggled to be the father she needed bit somehow comforted her like she couldn't.   “All of those...do not work with a baby.   If I did not require that kind of structure of myself as a child I would have never survived.  My father didn't care anymore and was just waiting for death.   Protocol was all I had to look over me, the rules were the parent I never had.  Strict and unbending rules, impersonal and set in stone.   I have no idea what a real parent should be except for what I observed in others.”

Roy nodded.   “I am blessed to have the life I did, I love my foster mother very much and I know taking me in was not convenient.   I got in the way of a lot.   She was the opposite though, I was so withdrawn that she treated me like an adult and gave me jobs to make me do something.   To interact, to feel like I had a place.   I knew she was always watching me.  I had warmth and encouragement.   But I also...wished I was with my parents when they died so I didn't have to live without them and inconvenience her.  I saw other families and really...envied them.  They weren't what they seemed though, not when their Dad's would come to the bar and take girls upstairs.   I saw there were many truths to all of it.     This here, the Hughes family, it's the real thing.   And it terrifies me that we are in charge of seeing that this baby never knows what we knew.”

Riza turned the burner off and leaned on the stove.  “I miss them.”

“Me too.  That's why I went to drink with him last night.”  Roy said and Elicia clutched his finger.   “I miss him a lot.   I'm good at becoming someone else to hide what a mess I am.   So that's what I did for the last two months.   But I got tired, and denial faded and it hit me.  He is gone.   I just couldn't stand being in this house because he was everywhere and it just mocks me.”

“He wanted to save you and she wanted to save me.”  Riza said. “Now they want us to save each other and Elicia.”

“So how do we do this?”

“We have to talk to each other.” She said and dipped her finger in the milk to test it's temperature. “Which is not easy for me.   This...I am only telling you this because I am scared of doing this by myself.  Because tomorrow it could be me who can't keep my head up anymore and where does that leave her?   I have never talked about this with anyone, because being strong and professional is all I have.”

Roy stood up and went over to her.  “I promise you, last night will not happen again.  What I said...”

“I don't want that.  I don't want you to hide that.  I think we have both been so good at surviving and putting on these fake faces for everyone that we just retreat back to them so easily.  That's not what she needs.  So we need to just...stop saying and doing what we need to to pass the evaluation. At least to each other.”  She wanted to stop talking but it felt good.   He didn't judge her, he understood every word like it was his own confession.

“I lost focus.”  He said and looked at Elicia.  “Maybe that's not the right way to put it.   I have only had my eyes on one thing, the top.   It's why I wake up every day, it's why I don't just lay down and give in and give up.   It's my penance for what atrocities I have done, I swore to change things. In order to do that I have to be the one in charge, I have to be Fuhrer if I am going to stop these horrors from happening again.   That...is the only focus I have had since the war.   I lost my best friend and then I felt like I was losing the one thing I was living for.  I've been selfish and myopic.  I wasn't happy Riza, I was focused and that was the only thing that kept me stable.  So really, it just stopped me from being too miserable to carry on.”

She nodded in understanding and filled the bottle.

“The question I have is...why are you really giving me this chance?”  He asked.  “I am responsible for my actions, all of them, I do not deny that.   So last night...”

“We had two months to figure each other out.  Most of the time we upheld the facade, it's only natural, we were strangers.   It's natural, because it's how we function.   It's self defense and it's also an offensive.   However...nobody can keep that up all the time.  Especially as stressed and tired as we were and in those moments I saw the man that Maes loved like a brother.  I saw the real you as you played with my dog or played with Elicia's rubber duckies while you gave her a bath.   Or that night when you teased me about cleaning my gun so much and then leaned over my chair and asked if I wanted to inspect your weapon...and you ran upstairs hollering about it being oiled and ready to penetrate and not in the least bit rusty.  I laughed so hard that night...”

“And you are so beautiful when you laugh.   It's like the weight lifts off you and your laugh is so pure.”  He said.  “I've seen the real you too.   When you hold Hayate and he snuggled up against your neck and you close your eyes and it shows how much you love that dog.   How you choose stories to tell Elicia at bedtime that are about the girl being her own hero instead of being rescued.  Or poker night when you play hostess for the first hour so you can study the players in the game, let their defenses lower and then slide in after all the snacks and drinks are out and just kill us and take the pot.”

“I know you and Grandfather fold a bit too much so I can win.   You try to supplement my income the only way I'll let you.  I'm the one who gets played.”  She said and leaned over to give Elicia the bottle as he held her, more than aware of how close they were and how good it felt to be unburdened and unguarded with him right now.   Elicia took the bottle and she looked at him, his face soft and honest.    

“In the spirit of honesty, I have to admit that I might have developed feelings towards you.   It may have been a catalyst for that explosion last night, to push you away and make sure that route was no longer an option.”  He said and waited for a reaction.   Maybe that was the step too far.

“I may have...regretted not giving you a chance when you were pushed on me....in those moments when I saw the real you.”  She said and then closed her eyes.  “However, the odds are against us already.   If we cross that line, well...it can't happen.   We can't get her in the middle of that.”

Roy looked down at Elicia's big eyes as she sucked on the bottle.   “She is already in the middle.   Saying we can't....doesn't change anything.   We live together.  We are raising a baby together.”

“We can't.”  She said and took a deep breath.   “How can we go from yelling at each other and walking away last night to standing here now....talking like this.”

“It's how healthy relationships work.  We argued, we came back and had open and honest discussion.  Sort of the spirit of the Hughes household I guess.”  He said and reached to the bottle to tip it so Elicia wouldn't start sucking air.

“We can't.”  She repeated not really knowing what else to say.  

“I understand.”  He said and backed up a step, they had already come so far tonight.   “Thank you for this, for giving me a chance I don't deserve.”

“I don't feel like I deserve any of this either.”  She said.  

“So what do you want for dinner?” He asked and she gave him an appreciative smile, something that warmed his heart and made him feel even more enamored by this beautiful and amazing woman.   Elicia was quiet and happy as she sat in her high chair and enjoyed watching them make dinner together.  He savored the moments, the calm and contentment, trying desperately to make himself understand this was home.

Things fell right back into place where they had been before their explosion and talk, but without the defenses.  Without the fear of being weak to each other.   It was was feeling more like home instead of another job and Roy took his uniform off and put if on the chair, then started to make some dinner for them so Riza could change.  

She made it halfway through dinner before putting down her fork and sitting back in her seat.  Roy looked up at her concerned.   “I can't believe I unloaded all that on you.”

He got up immediately and went to sit next to her, putting his hand over hers.  Sitting across the table was another distance they needed to close.    “It needed to be said and it's right that we should see in each other what Maes and Gracia saw in us.”

“I don't tell anyone about my feelings.   I just don't.”  She said and he squeezed her hand.  “It just was vital to the mission's success and I did what was necessary to keep you on the right path.”

“It was brave and the right thing to do.” He said softly.  “You were trying to adapt to a situation neither of us is really ready for.   You were right, we have to understand each other better.  See when the other is struggling. This is a partnership.”

“I would never leave her.” Riza said sharply as she realized what she was really afraid of. “But my father never left me either.  He felt it was his duty to raise me and he did...but he was so distant.   I could never get his approval.   I stayed with him until the end because it was my duty to care for him, and I didn't even shed a tear at his funeral.  What if I end up like him?  ”

“You won't.”  Roy assured her.  

“You can't know that, you don't know me.”

“We're going to watch each others backs.   I won't let you go down that road and you won't let me go down mine. “  Roy said.  “It's OK that we look at this as a duty, it really is.  It is what we are, soldiers, and that is the most important thing to us.  We dedicated ourselves to serving our country, giving up our lives if need be.  So this isn't any different.  We're protecting the people we love by taking care of the person they loved most in this world.”

She looked down at his hand and wanted to cry.  She wanted to cry for the friend she lost and this overwhelming wave of emotions from unloading so much that had built up over time.  

“Look, I can clean up.   Why don't you take the night off.  It's the least I can do.”  He said and let go of her hand.  

“It's me who doesn't deserve this.” She said softly.   “I purposely distanced myself from the enemy when I had to do my duty.   I was cold, methodical.  In the middle of the fight, you run on emotions and adrenaline and there is so much heat from all that.  It becomes passion...to live, to kill, to survive.   I remained a safe distance from all of it.”

“So...what are you asking?”  He said gently.  

“You're afraid of your passion being your downfall and I'm scared of becoming the opposite.   We're so different.”

“We could balance each other out.” He said.  “It's why we were both granted guardianship.  Because our friends saw our flaws.”

She nodded and picked up her plate and glass to bring them over to the counter.   They did the dishes and when they were done she went upstairs to grab a book and sit down and read.   Half an hour later she realized she was just staring at the page and hadn't read a word.   She closed the book and Hayate looked up at her.  Elicia had been quiet, unlike last night, and there was nothing she had to distract herself.   Tonight's conversation weighed heavy on her, she wondered what it was about Roy that made her feel comfortable enough to confess things aloud that she wouldn't even allow herself to think more or less speak.

Especially after she told him to get out  last night.

However the end result was that she did feel more at home here now.  She freed herself of the burden of this person she was trying to be to pretend everything was fine and now she felt more like herself.   If he really wanted to return to his old lifestyle last night would have been the time, but instead he came back.   Their argument was....normal.   Personal.  Painful.  The kind of thing she rarely experienced because she never got close to anyone.  

And yet, he came back.   He was honest too, she didn't fell like she was hearing excuses.  Not that she gave him much chance to talk.  

God.  Why did she do that?

She put her hand on her face and closed her eyes.   This situation made her so stressed and that was overwhelming.   Work stress she could handle, stress cause by taking on a new role as a guardian to an orphaned girl while trying to not warm up too much to the man she was living with....well that was a different situation entirely.  

She picked up Elicia today and Mrs. Bradley was talking about getting some fresh melon at the market today and how surprised her husband would be when he got home.   How she loved seeing him come home from work and shed the responsibility of Fuhrer and be the father and husband her family adored.    And it struck her then, that moment, that that never actually happened in this house.  So on the walk home, she began to wonder what kind of life Elicia would come home to.  How this would be the first night she came home to a dark house and someday she'd wonder why she wasn't worthy of not just one family, but two.  So when Roy was there when she got home, she realized she had her own confessions to make.  She had helped make the tension in this house too.

She stood up and took her blanket and tucked it under her arm.  Then she looked at her book and carried it all with her downstairs into the living room where Roy was reading on the couch while Elicia slept in a pile of blankets in the middle.   He looked up when she arrived and was clearly expecting another speech, but she just looked at the couch and said, “Can I join you?”

She showed him the book and he nodded and pointed to the other side.   “Absolutely.”

And she sat down and wrapped herself in the blanket making sure to not disturb Elicia as she slept between them.  Hayate went over to get a scratch from Roy before setting down on the rug in front of the couch.   He went back to reading his book and she opened hers again and finally felt at ease enough to lose herself in the words on the page.  

And this was what that little girl deserved.

Xxxxx

Jean Havoc watched and waited for two months.   Two months of Roy and Riza acting like they weren't slowly becoming part of each others world, two months of them acting like a real family and two months of not running away from each other or their feelings.  Two whole months of slowly realizing the gravity of their developing situation.   He knew it was coming, the day Roy would realize that he fell in love, that he loved what his life had become.   Instead of being critical he simply got the Colonel a cup of coffee and sat down on his desk, the way Hughes used to do and said.  “I fucking hate you.”

Roy didn't bat an eye and reached for his coffee and hummed, “Mmmm...what for this time?”

“I can't even fathom how you managed to salvage this more or less grow closer to her in the process.” Jean said and threw up his hands.  “You asshole.”

“What the hell are you bitching about?”  Roy asked and Havoc sat up and leaned on the desk, getting in his face.

“You're in love with her.”  Jean said and flicked him in the head with his finger.  “And somehow, she fell in love with you.”

“You're as bad as my mother.”  Roy mumbled and went back to reading the documents in front of him. “Riza has a very kind heart, she forgave my mistake and gave me an opportunity to rise to the occasion.   So I did.  I'm not in love with her.  You're just seeing us as better parents for Elicia now that we have come to a mutual understanding.”

“I could cut the sexual tension with a knife every time I walk in your house to babysit.”  Jean said. “Babysit so you two can have a 'night off' and go somewhere together, but it's not a date because that might be admitting something.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” Roy said and pushed an envelope with tickets to a play further under a stack of documents.  Riza had seen the review in the paper and said she was looking forward to hearing it on the radio when it was finally out of the theater.   He bought tickets this morning and was going to surprise her tonight.  

“No?”  Havoc laughed.  “ I seriously hope you're just saying that to cover your ass because if you're in denial about it...dude...I just hope you don't fuck it up again.”

“I'm denying there is something between us.”  Roy looked at Havoc who just gave him that look. That look of 'you lying asshole' and he put down his pen.  “What do you mean, again?”

“Like last time.  When you were in denial about Hughes's death and tried to shove her away because you found out how much you actually liked her.”   Havoc said.  “You were like this then too.”

“Like what?” Roy demanded.

“Nice.”  Jean said.  

Roy watched him grab some finished paperwork and leave and sat there by himself thinking about what Havoc said.   He pulled the ticket out from their hiding place and looked at the picture of Hughes and sighed.  “You bastard.”

Xxxxxxxxxxx

“This is a different side of you.” Rebecca said and gave her best friend a wink.   “You getting some from Mustang?  Parents with benefits?”

Riza rolled her eyes.  “No.  And what do you mean by different?”

“Like you're not wound up tight with stress.”   Rebecca sipped her tea and studied Riza as she tried to sit a little more stiffly and avoid whatever scrutiny was coming her way.  “He must be as good as his reputation says he is, lucky you.”

“I am not sleeping with him.” Riza snapped and an older woman gave her a haughty look.  

“I'm not talking about sleeping.” Rebecca winked and Riza flushed a little.  

“Not that either.”  Riza countered.

“So what I'm seeing isn't lust, it's love.”  Rebecca grinned.  “Good for you babe, it's about time.”

“Is it really that amazing that I can live with a man, take care of a baby and not be sleeping or in love with him?”  Riza asked.  “Is it?  Last time I checked,  extreme circumstances while cooperating with members of the opposite sex was exactly what our job description was.”

“What are you so defensive then?”

“Because talk like this could severely damage our careers!”

“You clearly don't read the newspaper because the society column has pretty much ruled Roy Mustang off the market.”  Rebecca said.  “Military gossip says the same.”

“As my best friend I thought you were above this.”

“Nope.”  Rebecca said.  “You don't tell me shit so I just sit back and watch.  Watch you as you watch him.   Watch you over the course of the last few months go from getting a second job in the form of parenting, to suddenly being happy to go home instead of working overtime.   I watched you... change for the better.   Just like you had more of a purpose, like making it day to day wasn't what it was all about anymore.   I've been waiting for this since you came back from the war, to feel like you belong in society again.   So yeah, I'm not above this because I want you to continue to be this happy Riza.”

“There is nothing wrong with being focused on work.  I was working towards a transfer.”

“Ok.”  Rebecca said and sipped her tea.  “I just hope you guys figure it out before you're slamming him into a wall and ripping his clothes off so you can try to put an end to this awkward sexual tension between you two.  Cause that makes shit more awkward the morning after when you're making excuses.”

“Oh so that sounds like me?” Riza asked.

“You have eighteen years to look forward to, living with that man and feeling some very naughty things about him.”  Rebecca said and watched her blush just slightly. “You've always been the sex without strings type, your own admission.   I think Major Miles could have been more, but you just didn't want that so you made the relationship purely physical.  I get it, you're protecting yourself.  You aren't ready.  Don't want to freeze your tits off in Briggs.   I get it.   However Mustang, you're hands off for a reason and we both know what that is.”

“We are raising a kid together.” She finally slammed her tea down on the table.  She was glad this conversation couldn't be heard by anyone.  Rebecca could be like a hound on a scent and it worried her, because she was never wrong.  

“Right.”  Rebecca winked and checked her watch.  “Well looks like I better get going.  Thanks for having lunch with me.”

And Rebecca threw some money on the table and checked her watched again before running off to hail a cab. She sat there and wrapped her scone in a napkin to take back to work with her.   She needed to walk back, she had a lot to think about, and Rebecca knew it.  Damn her.

Xxxxx

Riza barely had the door open before Hayate trotted in and went into he living room to see Roy.  

“Who's a good boy!”

She smiled, that man spoiled her dog. Spoiled Elicia.  Tried to spoil her.   He was generous and really kind and this house was a home now....somewhere they were honest with each other.  So when she closed and locked the door she set down her purse and went into the living room first to see him holding her dog and tipping him upside down as he flailed and legs went everywhere.   Then he set him down and Hayate started running all over the room, excited to be home and able to play again.   He looked up at her and smiled, a warm and welcoming smile that said he was glad to see her.

“Hey! I picked up some steaks for dinner.” Roy said and took a soup bone off the mantle for Hayate.   “Can he have this?”

“Why do you even ask anymore?”

Roy grinned and Hayate was already back and sitting in front of him, drooling.  “Ok, down.”

Riza watched him set the bone down on the ground and signal Hayate to wait.

“Ok.”  Roy smiled as The dog snatched it up and ran to his comfy dog bed in the corner.  “I also though that maybe for an after dinner treat....we could set that damned singing caterpillar toy on fire.”

Riza had to laugh.  They bough that toy for Elicia this weekend and when they got it home discovered the voice recorded inside of it, meant to be an educational tool to teach kids to count, sounded like Satan.   It had been in the closet since.  “Send it back to hell where it came from?”

“Yes.”  Roy said and listened to Hayate gnaw on his bone.   He looked at her as she smiled and laughed, a vision of beauty and perfection.  A vision of the life Maes wanted for him.  He had been mulling over Havoc's words all day, and finally decided he was right.   However he was certain he could keep himself in check, certain he could exist on pinning for her and just enjoying a life beside an amazing woman instead of ruining it by making it romantic.   He was skilled at punishing himself, this sounded like the most cruel punishment he could come up with.

Riza looked around.   The happy dog, the baby sucking on her pacifier while trying to fixate on her mobile, the couch where they read together and listened to the radio at night.   The man in front of her with the beautiful smile and best intentions.   Rebecca was right.  Despite her best attempts, she had fallen for him.   “Roy, I came to realize something today.”

“That you shouldn't leave me alone in the toy section?”  Roy asked and walked over to stand by her for a moment before going to start dinner.

“I'm falling in love with you.” She said and realized this was the worse possible situation for her to be blunt and factual Riza, but she didn't know how else to deliver this.

“I'm in love with you, too.”  Roy said without missing a beat.  

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to laugh it off, say this was not possible in an  act of trying to spare her her feelings, but never in the scenarios that she though of did he actually reciprocate the feelings.  

“I want to say we can't do this, but right now we can't not do this.” Roy said and smiled.   “I'm in love with you Riza and I would really like to kiss you right now.”

Riza bit her lip.  “What if this doesn't work out?”

“Well it's a kiss, I'd like to think I'm past the point where I screw those up.”  He said and she gave him an adorable look for mocking her.  “However it's just a kiss. Not like I'm asking you to move into my best friends house with me and raise a baby.”

And he made her relax and feel unburdened, yet again.  So she leaned over and kissed him.   He was quick to wrap his arms around her, to meet her kiss with his own, to get lost in the moment and enjoy this contact they had denied themselves for fear of the consequences.  And it felt good.  She ran her hands up his shirt and around his neck as he tightened his grip around her.   That felt even better.

He was reluctant to break it off but he was worried things might escalate too quickly.   “How about dinner first?   Then maybe you'd like to sit on my side of the couch tonight?”

“I thought we were burning an evil green caterpillar first.”   Riza said and watched his face light up, worry gone.

“I did promise you that, didn't I?”

She got another kiss, a quick one. “Start the grill, I'll make the side dishes.”

“You first.”  He said.  “Not sure I really want to let you go.”

“Just don't burn the backyard down when you add a whole bottle of starter.”  She said and slipped out of his arms.   She didn't want to let go either but she also was looking forward to getting a lot closer later on. She felt playful and that was hardly a familiar concept.  

“You're welcome to come supervise.” Roy said and walked over to where they kept the barbecue accessories and glanced back at her.  He felt it, the radiance of adoration.   Yeah, he wasn't going to be able to deny himself this at all.  No man was that powerful.  He walked over and gave her another kiss and whispered.  “It would be a family thing, the importance of fire safety in the home.”

She hated that he could make her smile so easily because it was horrible to encourage him.  “Please go start dinner before Elicia starts crying because you've been out of her sight for too long.”

“Maybe we should just throw out that damned toy and use the grill to cook on.”  Roy suggested and leaned on the counter as she put vegetables into pots and started to make some corn bread.  Another thing that changed since moving in with her was that they both ate regular well balanced meals.   It was a long way from scraping some mold off week old pizza and washing it down with bourbon.   “Probably not the kind of fiber you want in your diet.”

“Look at you being a responsible adult.”  She said and he grinned before leaving through the back door to get the grill started.  Hayate heard the door open and came flying, eager to go outside and play with Roy who always took time to play with the dog.  He started the fire and then bent down to pick up the dog, giving her a nice glimpse of his perfect posterior.  Then he ruffed up Hayate's fur and got him excited , then put him back down and the game was on.   She left the vegetables to cook and put the cornbread in to bake and went into the living room to check on Elicia.

Roy jumped off the back porch and ran after the dog who was scampering back and forth between all the toys he bought him trying to figure out which one he was going for.    As Hayate ran to the right Roy ran left and grabbed the Jolly Ball before whipped around and flinging it  into the bushed.   Hayate kept running in a circle and darted off after it and Roy looked over to see Riza coming out with Elicia to play too.  

And the look they gave each other told volumes: there was no escaping this because they were already in too deep.  

Xxxxxxxx

Elicia was finally asleep, content with her evening serenade and bedtime story and  Hayate was passed out in the corner, playtime had worn him out.  That left them alone together and Riza felt a little anxious knowing that this was now more than just them living in the house together raising a kid.  Roy was in the kitchen making something for dessert and some tea, so she went to the hall and pulled an envelope out of her purse and sat down on the couch.

Roy came in with tea and cookies, set them on the coffee table and looked up to see Riza waiting with a smile and something in her hand.  On closer inspection he noticed it was an envelope from the photo developing store.   “Pictures?”

“We have both been taking so many I finally got around to having them developed.”  She said and he sat down beside her.  “I thought maybe it might be time for us to start adding pictures of our own to the house.”

Roy looked up at the wedding picture above the mantle, Maes and Gracia smiling at each other like life couldn't get better than that.  They had left everything the way they found it the day of the funeral with the exception of the Master bedroom which was where they moved Elicia.   They thought it would be best for her if she stayed where her parents used to sleep and neither one of them wanted to be in there.     He had taken pictures, so Elicia would have them, but never considered they might want to enjoy them as well.   “I guess we have been treating this place like a museum instead of a home.”

“I have been carrying around one in my wallet.”  Riza admitted.

“Me too.”  He said and reached over to grab his wallet and show her a picture of her in the park with dog and baby on the picnic blanket.  

Riza pulled out a the one she had, one of Roy holding Hayate and Elicia in a silly dog onesie that he bought her.  

“Maybe we can find one of us as a family for the mantle?”  She suggested and pulled out the packet of photos and leaned back into the couch to leaf through them.  He leaned closer, his shoulder touching hers and she leaned against him. Together they picked out the best and then laid them out across their laps and finally picked one.  “I like this.”

Roy smiled.   Havoc took this one of them in the back yard.  Sitting in the grass, dog in her lap and Elicia in his.   He didn't realize how happy they looked.  “I like that one too.”

Riza put the pictures away to add to albums later as he stood and placed the photo on the mantle so they could remember to get a frame later.

He looked up at Maes again, wondering if he was laughing at him in the afterlife for doing the same dumb shit he used to mock him for.   He got it now, he understood why the walls were lined with photos and memories.   He wanted to be surrounded by family at all times.   It made him realize he was going to have to stop sleeping on the couch like a guest.  He turned to Riza who was now taking a cookie and a sip of tea and went back to sit with her.  He put his arm around her and kissed her temple and she looked up at him curiously.  He grabbed the envelope on the end table with the tickets and handed them to her. “Thank you for giving me a chance to be a better man.”

She stopped chewing and swallowed.   She didn't need him to expand on that, she knew what he meant.   She too had to find her way out of her comfort zone and into a role she would have never thought she was cut out for.   She looked I the envelope and saw two balcony seats to the play she had talked about yesterday.   She felt heat rise to her cheeks as she realized this was going to be a real date.    “I think we make a good team.  You helped me stand up under the pressure of everything as well.”

“I'm absolutely terrified this next step will ruin everything.”  He said and he saw that soft look only she could give, one of understanding and encouragement.

“Me too, but we've had our rough patches and come out of it together, stronger.   I don't think we'd be ready to take another step if we didn't have confidence that if things don't work we could still be good parents.”  She said and he shook his head and smiled.  “What?”

Roy looked up at the picture over the mantle, “Listen to me Hughes!  Worrying about being a good father and questioning weather or not I should kiss this beautiful woman beside me.  What the hell did you do to me?”

“Looks like you were right Maes, I should have listened to you when you said there was more to him than there seemed.”  Riza smirked and looked at the photo.  When Roy gave her that look of surprise, that flicker of honestly about his own lack of self confidence, she leaned in and gave him a kiss.   His apprehension vanished and they both lost themselves in a kiss that felt so damned right.

xxxxx

Two months.  Jean Havoc watched for two months as Roy and Riza threw themselves into a real relationship without hesitation or regret.  Two months of being a real couple who never let the date end and came home to a growing baby who was starting to become theirs.   Two months was all it too for them to realize this was the best thing that ever happened to them.   Two months was all it took for then to end up scrutinized by one too many of the upper brass for a relationship that might not be appropriate because of the glow they couldn’t hide when they saw each other at work anymore.   Two months and they were standing in front of Fuhrer one night after picking up Elicia having to answer for those rumors of things getting more romantic and Roy declared he wanted to spend more than eighteen years of his life beside Riza.  

Only Roy Mustang could end up having a huge public wedding attended by every news outlet in the city and married by the Fuhrer himself.   Roy and Riza were currently on their honeymoon and Havoc was in their house hanging their wedding present over the mantle, their own wedding photo hanging next to Maes and Gracia.   Jean stood back and looked at it to make sure it was hanging straight and smiled.  Leave it to Mustang to overcome the odds and come out on top.   It was bittersweet, without the tragedy that befell the Hugheses it would have never happened.  Still, that’s not the way to celebrate the life of a good man, it’s by honoring his wishes and keeping his spirit alive.  “You’d be proud of him Hughes, he got himself a wife. Couldn’t have done it without you.“

[fullmetalscullyy]

unknown

summary: Riza sustains her Promised Day injuries after Roy is left blinded by Truth

an: a few months ago i had the idea of “what if riza sustains her promised day injuries AFTER roy goes blind” and well. here u go

part 2 of a “what if” series. you can find part one here

rated: t | words: 2875 | tags: graphic depictions of violence, angst, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, promised day, canon divergence, royai

read on ao3 |  part 1 of “what if”

“What is happening?”

The cacophony of noise and shouts drowned out Roy’s demand. His arm reached out – flailing – to try and locate Hawkeye. She’d been right by his side only a moment ago, a silent presence watching over and guiding him, but now there was nothing. No one. Just empty air which his fingers sliced through easily and without restriction.

Roy’s heart thudded within his chest. It started to pound, picking up its pace with fervour.

He had no way of knowing what was happening.

Someone bumped into from behind, sending him stumbling forward. Blind and unseeing.

Fear became prominent, for he started to recognise some of the sounds filtering into his brain. People were fighting. There was the clash of swords and grunts of effort as his teammates engaged with an unknown enemy.

Was this an attack from more people under Father’s influence?

If it was, then Roy was completely defenceless. Without Hawkeye beside him, he had no way to guide any kind of attack. If he lashed out in the hope of simply hitting something, not only would that be incredibly foolish, but he risked hurting his comrades.

“Sir.”

Suddenly, Hawkeye was close beside him once more. She placed a gentle hand upon his forearm and Roy felt his knees shake in response to the reassurances offered by her presence. His breath left him in a rush as relief surged into each of his limbs and spread across his chest like a salve. It calmed the panic, stilling it in its tracks.

He was not alone. She was right there.

“Sorry,” she apologised profusely. She sounded out of breath.

“Hawkeye?”

“Yes, sir. It’s me. Sorry, we were separated momentarily.”

“What’s happening?” He was desperate to know. He couldn’t bear not knowing. Roy’s jaw clenched, his teeth grinding together as he got a lid on his panic and tried to calm himself. The latter though was becoming more difficult. Not due to panic, but due to anger and frustration.

He’d been rendered blind against his will, forced to open the gate by the enemy, which now had left him well and truly useless. Defenceless. A burden to his peers. Unable to protect himself, his companions, or even see the enemy –

“More soldiers, like the ones who’d worked with the doctor down below. More Fuhrer experiments.”

Roy felt hatred burn within his gut and travel up to his chest. It was like heart burn, fierce and unrelenting, as he thought about what that doctor had threatened to do to Hawkeye, and what he had ended up doing to Roy.

He’d struck a bargain. Offered himself up to spare the lives of his comrades to the doctor as they held her at knifepoint. The doctor had been agreeable, but when Bradley appeared, that wasn’t good enough apparently. He and Pride had decided to take matters into their own hands and had restrained the doctor, lifting him from the ground and bundling him up none too kindly within a ball of… black, otherworldly limbs. He’d been left choking, his screams muffled behind Pride’s gag. It had made Roy shudder as the rest of them looked on, horrified.

The remaining failed Fuhrer experiments did not react, simply awaited an order from their leader. With the doctor incapacitated, it had been safe to assume that title now lay with Fuhrer President Bradley. That theory was quickly proven, as he ordered his men to capture Roy. A bargain would not do, because that opened them up to the possibility of an ambush. Dismayed that his plan had been guess, Roy frowned but was undeterred. Even as Bradley professed that Roy would open the gate, by any means necessary.

Whether he wanted to or not was out of the question. From the expression on his face and the fury burning within his eyes, Roy knew Bradley would give him no choice but to do so. And their refusal to let the others go could only mean one thing. The homunculi were more than willing to, and were planning to, use the others to ensure Roy cooperated with their plans. Threats would be made, and they would be made on his comrades’ lives.

Roy fought tooth and nail to ensure that didn’t happen. He’d never forgive himself if they were harmed because of him. The terror and fury fuelled his fight, pushing him forward to try and defeat the enemy.

But they couldn’t. Their small group was outmatched against them, now that they had two homunculi fighting on their side as well.

As Pride had moved – dragged – Roy into the circle – writhing and thrashing – Bradley disappeared in the blink of an eye to stand behind Hawkeye. He pressed a sword tight to her throat as he glowered at him.

“Go easily, Colonel Mustang, or she dies right here and now.”

Hawkeye’s stare was furious as she met Roy’s eyes, but not with him. It was with the predicament they’d been left in by the enemy. But the sight of her being threatened and the slow trickle of blood running down her throat was enough to still Roy’s being entirely. He went without a fight.

She’d watched on, terrified, as the blue light consumed him and forced him through the portal. Roy’s eyes never left hers. Even as the pain threatened to tear him apart and even with how he hated to subject her to such a display, he couldn’t tear himself away from them. Her eyes were such a comfort, such a place of peace for him. Looking into her molten gold irises always overwhelmed him with a feeling of being at home. She was his home, and he selfishly needed that as he was torn away from her, into the unknown while consumed with agony.

There was nothing that could be done to salvage the situation. They’d restrained her and the rest of their group as soon as Roy had been. Hawkeye was physically unable to fight them off and protect him. If she fought to try and break free from Bradley’s hold, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill her.

And Roy couldn’t have that.

Neither could Hawkeye, for she too wouldn’t want to leave him behind, to fight this battle alone. They still had work to do after today, so she would not risk it.

They’d been left stuck. And he’d been left blind after going through the portal.

But he knew… He knew without even looking at her face there would be guilt written all over it. That she’d blame herself for his capture and his subsequent trip through the portal. And when he did look upon it, lying in that circle, bound and helpless, his fears were confirmed.

Hawkeye’s hand on his arm suddenly disappeared. There was a muffled cry from her, meaning someone had tried to keep her quiet as she was removed from his side. Indignation broiled within Roy as he opened his mouth to call out to whoever was moving her, but it didn’t quite mask the sudden spike of fear that almost choked the breath from him. Before he could speak, rough hands grabbed both his arms, jerking them behind his back painfully.

These were not of his friends.

“Hawkeye,” he barked, hoping, praying, for some kind of response. But there was nothing. He could hear nothing over the other sounds of the battle.

Roy was forced down to his knees, but he wasn’t sure why. He was helpless, unable to see anything or fight effectively. Still, his head swung from left to right desperately, forgetting his current condition. He felt that if he hoped enough and prayed enough he’d catch a glimpse of something, of her, but there was just the never-ending darkness.

Dread threatened to overwhelm him, fuelled by Hawkeye’s sudden disappearance, the hands that had grabbed him, and also by the unknown. He needed to know she was okay, he needed to see her, he needed to –

“Hawkeye!”

The cry of her name seemed to have been ripped Darius’ body. Roy’s head jerked up as he noticed Darius’ cry was laced with horror. It caused him to freeze. Roy’s blood ran cold within his veins, stilling and leaving him frozen on the spot.

Something was wrong.

But… But he couldn’t see what, or why. He couldn’t see her.

There was a clamour as more people called her name, each as worried and concerned as the other. Roy thrashed against the iron grip of the hands upon his body, but they wouldn’t be removed so easily.

Something has happened to her. Something’s gone wrong –!

“Mei! Where’s Mei,” Darius cried out.

“Mei!” Alphonse joined in. He sounded as desperate as Darius.

“We need her over here, now!”

Roy’s breath heaved within his chest. Something was very, very wrong, if they were calling for the assistance of the young girl who had the ability to heal the injured.

Hawkeye… Riza…

Roy didn’t even know if there was anyone around him who he could ask what had happened to her, to frantically demand an answer from –

The unknown assailant gripping his right arm faltered. Roy’s arm fell down heavily to his side. Whatever had caused him to fall and lose his grip had startled the person on Roy’s left. He wrenched his arm free and threw the body forward, swinging around to lash out with a kick. He braced his leg and contacted something solid. There was a quiet ‘oof’ but nothing after that.

“Colonel!”

His head whipped around to face the call. It was Alphonse. But Roy was like a caged animal, his body jerking from side to side as he tried to determine friend from foe. He backed up instinctively, moving away from the loud footsteps approaching him. Even if the clang of metal were familiar, anyone approaching him right now would have initiated the same response. He was overwhelmed with the horrible pictures within his mind’s eye as his brain conjured up ideas of things that may have befallen his Lieutenant.

It was being cruel.

“Colonel, it’s Alphonse.”

There was a sudden, but gentle pressure upon Roy’s shoulder. It felt heavy thanks to his suit of armour, and his touch caused Roy to automatically recoil and jerk his shoulder backwards and away, but it was still a comfort. It almost made Roy cry tears of joy.

He was not alone.

“Where’s Hawkeye?”

There was a brief pause. “She’s been injured.”

Roy was sure Alphonse had swept the ground out from underneath him.

“Easy, Colonel.” His other hand came to rest upon Roy’s upper arm, as if he was keeping him upright.

He was not far off. Roy’s legs quivered and his knees shook. Just a few minutes ago they’d done the same with relief. How he’d wished to be back to reliving that moment.

“Mei is working on her now. She’ll –” He cut himself off, and fair play to Alphonse, he did try to mask his pause with a cough, but it sounded fake and strangled. Roy picked it out easily. He was wound too tight and being too attentive not to notice, especially when it came to receiving information regarding Hawkeye’s current condition. “She’ll be okay,” Alphonse reassured.

“Where is she?”

Without a word Alphonse grasped his bicep and led him on a brisk walk. It couldn’t have been more than ten or so steps, but it felt like a lifetime.

Hawkeye, injured. How injured? What had happened to her? He needed to know!

“She was briefly restrained by one of the Fuhrer experiments,” Alphonse explained hurriedly, but his voice was gentle. Sympathetic. Apologetic. A tone one would use to soften the blow of very bad news. Roy knew was coming. He could feel it deep within his bones.

Roy fell to his knees once they stopped and after Alphonse gave him a gentle nudge forward. The ground beneath him felt different. There was an added texture to it, almost making his knees slide. It was slick, like damp moss. But… it felt warm too and… wet?

Blood.

“Hawkeye?” He breathed her name reverently. It was so full of hope, but it was a fool’s hope. He could not confirm her condition himself with his own eyes, so could not believe what he was being told by the others around him. However, the smell of blood and the feeling of it seeping into his trousers as he knelt down would not lie. He could not fake these sensations.

It made him want to vomit.

She’d been restrained and dragged away and hurt, and Roy hadn’t even known. Hadn’t even been able to stop it. Hadn’t attempted to do so either. He neglected to take note and reason that this was due to the fact he hadn’t even been aware. He couldn’t see, so how could he have been?

All because he hadn’t been smarter and fought harder against those in the tunnels below them to prevent his capture. If he hadn’t been blind, she wouldn’t have been injured so gravely.

A shuddering breath rattled passed Roy’s lips. It was pained as it was dragged from his lungs. He frantically reached out and came into contact with her head. He could feel her hair, soaked through with sweat – he hoped and prayed it was sweat, and not more blood – and Roy placed his palm against it. His body bowed over her head, eyes squeezing tightly closed.

“They got her throat,” Alphonse whispered.

Another breath ached within his chest.

“I’m sorry.” Alphonse sounded so broken, but Roy barely heard him.

The amount of blood that was pooling beneath him… Her throat had been cut.

Roy choked on nothing but everything at once. On every emotion surging to the surface at the realisation after piecing the evidence together. On his breath. He struggled to get its erratic behaviour under control.

“Hawkeye,” he stuttered. With one call to her, he poured all his grief and worry into it. All of his sorrow.

“Stand back,” Mei ordered.

He felt an arm firmly pushing him backwards, and reluctantly, Roy obeyed. He took his hand off Riza’s forehead, stopped stroking the skin above her eyebrows with his thumb, and did as he was told. He sat back on his heels, feeling broken and completely numb, as he waited for a reaction from someone else. He listened as intently as he could to try and gauge it if would be positive or negative.

Tears spilled over from his eyes silently after he closed them. His breath shuddered as he waited what felt like an eon.

There was no time to explain what was happening to Roy, he understood that. Rationally, he knew that. Plus, he would rather they all focussed on Hawkeye rather than going through with him what they were doing to help her, heal her, and ease her suffering. That’s all Roy wanted. That’s all he needed. He could live the rest of his life quite happily without his eyesight so long as Riza would be okay.

But it did kill him not to know, to not be aware of how Hawkeye was faring. To not be able to see if this injury was grave enough to result in her demise.

He needed her to be all right. He physically couldn’t bear the thought of the latter. The thought tore into his chest, shattered his heart into pieces, and left him breathless.

Please be okay, Riza.

“Hawkeye!”

There was a gasp from below him, and Roy started.

It came from Hawkeye.

Without another thought he lifted her shoulders from the blood-soaked floor and bundled her tight within his arms.

“You’re okay,” he exhaled with such relief that it made each of his limbs shake. He pressed a hand against the side of her head and cradled it close to his chest in an attempt to steady himself.

“Sir,” she croaked. Her voice was hoarse, but it was the most beautiful sound Roy had ever heard in his life. His heart soared as he held onto her even tighter. He couldn’t let go even if he tried. No one would pry her away from him in that moment, and given the fact they hadn’t even tried yet, Mei’s alkahestry must have been successful and there was no urgent need to see to Hawkeye.

“I’m sorry I disappeared –”

He shushed her gently. Repositioning his arms, he gripped her even tighter. Roy buried his face into her hair. His lips were right next to her ear as he whispered into it. “You have nothing to apologise for. I’m glad you’re all right. How are you feeling?”

“Sore.” He heard her swallow, but she nodded. “I’m all right, sir. Don’t worry,” she added, and Roy was unable to help himself from letting out a choked laugh at the absurdity of her statement. “Your eyes are back.” From her tone Roy could picture the wry smile on her face.

“That’s honestly the best news I’ve heard in my entire life,” he murmured.

He subtly pressed a kiss against the side of her head and held on tighter for a few moments longer. Roy noticed how one of her arms had slowly and weakly reached across her body to grip onto his overcoat as tightly as she could, anchoring herself to him.