#ruffalo was excellent playing a man who Sucks

[meticulousfragments]

I don’t know if anyone else who follows me has both read the book and seen the movie Poor Things

But I read it this week and watched the movie last night and I feel like I need to talk about it with someone because it’s still rattling around in my head

[ryanmeft]

Thor: Ragnarok Impressions

I really liked Thor: Ragnarok. I'll put my cards on the table: I am probably going to like movies in this shared Marvel universe more than the average bear. It seems that the more pissed I get at Marvel as a whole (a long story), the better their movies get. 2017 dropped three of my favorites, as well as a non-MCU bonus in the form of Logan. I'm a happy nerd.

I also don't really want to go over the high points again. Every nerd and critic has already done that. So instead, I decided to share a handful of entirely personal thoughts I had about the movie during and after. Here goes.

Chris Hemsworth did not just become funny Inexplicably, I've heard a lot of chatter that Thor is finally funny in Ragnarok. I'm wondering where these people have been for the rest of the films, or for Chris Hemsworth's career. Thor has been the most comedically versatile regular character in the MCU for a while. Yes, more so than Iron Man, who rarely veers from his arrogant-playboy routine, and more so than Cap, who relies on his man-out-of-time shtick for laughs. He's even funnier than any of the Guardians. All of those characters are entertaining and play off each other well, but Hemsworth can do it all himself. He's able to simultaneously make Thor a lovable lug and poke fun at his tough guy image. It isn't that he becomes funny in Ragnarok, it's that Taika Waititi takes off the cuffs and allows him free rein.

Did they just actually move Loki's character forward? NOTE: HUGE SPOILERS IN THIS SECTION Tom Hiddleston has always been a gift to the MCU. For one thing, no two actors in the franchise play off each other as well as Hemsworth and Hiddleston. For another, he somehow makes the "Snake" character work. Most of the time, when someone continually changes sides (Miles Teller in the Divergent series, for instance), you wonder why the other characters don't just off them and get it over with. By comparison, Marvel has done an excellent job over multiple directors of maintaining Loki's character and relationship to Thor in ways that let us see why the God of Thunder keeps the God of Mischief around. In this particular movie, Loki is literally given the task of destroying Asgard to stop Hela, and seems to have mended his relationship with his brother. But...did he take the Cosmic Cube at the end? Of course he did. Not only can I see no other way he could have gotten onto the ship to escape, but it actually makes sense. Otherwise, the Infinity Stone inside would have been left adrift at the site where the world it was known to be on just exploded, for anyone to amble along and pick up. That may not be Loki's motivation, but Thanos did promise to hunt him down if he didn't bring him the Cube. And according to descriptions of the unreleased Infinity War trailer shown at Disney's D23 event, one scene pictures a kneeling Loki...handing Thanos the cube. If you think Loki's constant betrayals are getting old, there's another wrinkle: perhaps he agreed to serve Thanos again in order to spare the survivors of Asgard.

The movie definitely delivered on the title Going in, I did not expect the film would follow the comics, in which, last I read, Ragnarok really happened and Asgard as we knew it was destroyed. In fact, the movie followed that pretty closely, with the exception of Loki not being the one to initiate the apocalypse. Asgard is gone, and Thor is getting ready to re-home his people on earth, similar to the comics Thor. This seems like a pretty bold move for the movies, but really, the Thor series and character were too tethered to Asgard, in many ways. Ragnarok was obviously meant as a clear break with the dour and serious tone of the previous Thor movies, and severing the character's ties to Asgard was a necessary step. Also, I know critics aren't supposed to like final battles, but that one was pretty epic. I don't recall a giant green monster fighting Fenrir in the original myths.

Throwing the cast together really works There's not much to elaborate on here. Tessa Thompson kicks major ass and is mercifully not set up much as a love interest. Loki and Thor work as well as they always do. The Hulk and Banner fit surprisingly well, with Mark Ruffalo playing off the proceeding as himself as well as he does when he's CGi-ed up. Karl Urban seems to have had a lot of scenes cut behind those meaningful looks, but his role works fairly well. Idris Elba's Heimdall finally gets more to do than stand there looking serious, and it's about damn time. Several movies could easily be made out of this group. Even Benedict Cumberbatch's brief appearance as Doctor Strange is fun. The only letdown is no appearance by Jamie Alexander's Sif. It would have been great to see her and Valkyrie get into a drunken arm-wrestling match. I also need to mention that Thompson's inclusion pisses off racists, which is awesome.

Marvel's villains keep improving I've never been on the all-Marvel's-villains-suck bandwagon, but there's no question 2017 has seen their best ones yet. The Vulture from Spider-Man still takes the prize, but Cate Blanchett's Hela is deliciously dark, and Jeff Goldblum's deliciously devious Grandmaster is a treat. It's honestly hard for me to see how Thanos could top any of 2017's baddies.

Taika Waititi! He can do no wrong. Everybody run out and see Hunt for the Wilderpeople and What We Do in the Shadows, right now. I wouldn't whine if they had him back for the next film.

[samdukewieland]

Stuck Inside Media Diary Week 2

New week. New movies I had never seen before. Only one was on the DVR so now it’s just like a glorified streaming guide and for that I apologize. There were three movies this week that I had seen before, but I’ve decided, because rules are important, that I won’t re-watch a movie until I watch a new one. Does this matter? No. But it has made me realize that I might be exposing my ass in the upcoming weeks, because we all lie about saying we’ve seen some movies when we actually haven’t. Not the case for this week, but it’s impending.

Sunday, March 29

Warrior, O’Conner 2011 [as of now this is available on Amazon Prime]

As a person who doesn’t really care about MMA or UFC or boxing or bum fights or bare knuckle brawls I went in under the impression that there’d probably be some kind of barrier in my way of enjoying it, despite knowing its esteemed reputation for being man-weep canon. Any movie that opens and closes with a song by The National is fairly transparent about the type of movie its going to be, despite having an extremely yolked Tom Hardy as one of the main characters. My first cry came at a very unexpected moment, especially because Frank Grillo had a significant role in making that happen (though I will say, I had no idea Frank Grillo was in this movie and about midway through I thought “man, that guy kinda looks like Grillo, but he’s kinda small and has a fashion mullet”). However, I’m a cryer, so I don’t want to set the expectation of you will cry at this you piece of shit! but you might and it’ll come out of a good place, because this movie doesn’t trick you into crying by manipulating you into it (okay, it does at one point, but it involves Moby Dick, so again, it’s kinda unexpected). It opens with “Start A War” and ends with “About Today,” a top 5 sad boy song by The National and I’ll be damned if I didn’t listen to it once a day all last week.

Better Call Saul 

“Sunk Costs”, “Sabrosito”, “Chicanery”, “Off Brand”, “Expanses”

John Getz hive, assemble.

Monday, March 30

Working Girl, Nichols 1988 [as of now this is available on HBO]

Sometime in college, I think in a detective fiction class I took, we talked about knowing a reference to something before knowing what it’s either paying homage to or directly referencing. For example: the first time I read The Long Halloween (which is a Batman comic by Jeph Loeb) I had no idea that basically everything involving Falcone is just ripped from The Godfather, because I had never seen The Godfather at that time in my life; literally the first page of the book is “I believe in Gotham City.” Or in Django Unchained when they go to Mississippi and the title card moves across the screen just like it does in Gone With The Wind (Tarantino movies are generally just long homages and references to other things, so if you need another example, just look to really anything he’s ever worked on). There’s probably a German word for this feeling of recognition and I just don’t have the energy to look to see what it would be, but I felt it while watching Working Girl in two regards. 

The first was that I didn’t realize that School Of Rock is essentially just Working Girl and when you have a realization like this, you feel kinda dumb, because you just assume everyone figured this out before you did. The second was that Joe Swanberg has tried to model his movies after Mike Nichols ones like his life depended on it and he just can’t or rather hasn’t. Also I’m not a person who was alive in the 80s and I’m sure there’s some modern day equivalent (potentially her daughter) who I defend out of some weird sense of contrarian obligation, but what’s uh, what’s going on with Melanie Griffith and her as actor?

Better Call Saul 

“Slip”, “Fall”, “Lantern” [Season 3 finale]

BCS season 3 really stepped up to the heights of Breaking Bad and I think I might like it just a little bit better than it? I haven’t watched Breaking Bad in long time, I find it pretty difficult to re-watch (it’s very fire works factory for me) so I’m sure there are some BB highs that I just don’t remember fully, but that BCS can juggle being three different shows all at the same time and do it excellently really has me taken aback. It’s like watching the Coen Brothers jump from genre to genre and not be worried about the end result.

Tuesday, March 31

Say Anything..., Crowe 1989 [as of now this is available on Hulu]

I’m unabashedly in the can for Cameron Crowe, which is a semi-embarrassing thing to admit, but whatever. I saw Aloha in theatres and watched We Bought A Zoo when it was on FX once (in real time too, so that means with commercials-this was also the only time I’ve seen We Bought A Zoo, but I think I’d do it again); you can’t hurt me. I think I kept my distance from Say Anything... for so long, because it was one of those things that I’d be annoyed at because it’d resonate with me too much, because feeling that is kinda hacky and embarrassing, but if there’s one thing that Cameron Crowe movies put an emphasis on of importance on, it’s being sincere. And I sincerely loved it (hot, HOT take). Thanks to Russillo for recommending it on Simmons’ podcast last week.

Better Call Saul

“Smoke” [Season 4 premiere]

Wednesday, April 1

The Graduate, Nichols 1967 [as of now this is available on Amazon Prime]

Sucks that this movie has been used by a certain type of dude who use it as a blueprint for their life and how they view relationships. Other than that, good job everyone. [I definitely thought it would be clever to watch this after watching Say Anything... because I just assumed Ben Braddock walked so Lloyd Dobbler could run-I was kinda right, whatever]

Hot Rod, Schaffer 2007

While April Fools Day means nothing to me I do try to watch a comedy on the day, because...eh, why not. Hot Rod is maybe a perfect comedy and I think I could spend hours talking about it. I don’t know how there hasn’t been some kind of programming that’s been done around The Lonely Island and their catalog, because it seems very obvious. 

Hot Rod with Digital Shorts played before and after and then Wayne’s World

MacGruber and you play MacGruber shorts before and after and then whatever grotesque 80′s action movie you’d want, maybe Commando

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping with Lonely Island music videos before and after and then This Is Spinal Tap

The Unauthorized Bash Brothers Experience sing-a-long followed by The Lonely Island pilot and  either a collection or the entirety of I Think You Should Leave

maybe this is all a lead-up to Palm Springs, a movie I have’t seen and know very little about other than they produced it and Samberg is in it

Thursday, April 2

The In-Laws, Hiller 1979

I wrote it as my letterboxd. “review” , but this thing’s 1979 funny until they go to South America and then it is actually funny. Falk is just gangbusters.

Better Call Saul 

“Breathe”, “Something Beautiful”

Friday, April 3

You Can Count On Me, Lonergan 2000 [as of now this is available on Amazon Prime]

I say this as a very big fan of his, but! Timothée Chalamet, consider yerself on notice for borrowing heavily from the Mark Ruffalo school of acting. Also, I get it now with Laura Linney, who I’ve liked before, but thought she might kind of be overrated by some people. Also, Matthew Broderick made this after Election (and also Inspector Gadget), so quite the infidelity streak for Brody, probably not a double feature.

Better Call Saul

“Talk”, “Quite A Ride”, “Piñata”

Saturday, April 4

De Palma, Baumbach & Paltrow, 2015 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

The definitive documentaries for the directors of this friend group are basically perfect in their own ways. That this is just De Palma talking about himself and his career and movies, sometimes being incredibly critical of his own work and others. He seems pretty self-aware, probably the most of that group of directors, while still coming across as incredibly cocky. De Palma is perfect for Brian De Palma. However, if anyone wanted to make a 10 hour documentary on Scorsese, Spielberg, Coppola, De Palma and Lucas in this style or it’s just the 5 of them interviewing each other moderated by like Fincher or someone, man....I could really go for that. (I mean if Michael Jordan can get one, why not these guys?)

The Other Director Documentaries

Spielberg, 2017 (HBO) [Interviews and retrospectives about Spielberg’s career, with personal highlights. It’s essentially Spielberg in a nutshell: big, flashy with a lot of time on particular moments that are more important to him than they are to you]

Empire Of Dreams, 2004 (Disney+) [Ostensively this is about Star Wars, and it’s made by a company-man, it says so much about Lucas, a man who hated how institutions told him what he could do so he unintentionally created one that has copied what he hates]

Heart Of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse, 1991 [A truly wild ride, tells you everything you need to know about Coppola]

Italianamerican, 1974 [While a new documentary about Scorsese is probably what I covet most, he’s a pretty open book about his controversies and he’d probably enjoy talking about other people’s work more than his own-catholicism’s a helluva thing]

The Godfather Pt. I & The Godfather Pt. II, Coppola 1972 & 1974

I don’t know if I necessarily endorse watching both of these back-to-back; I guess I’m glad I did it, even if the motivation was mainly to just see if I could. Obviously these movies are important and good and are about so much more than just gangsters and thugs, but a lot of the time it just feels like eating vegetables for me. I did not grow up in a household that emphasized the importance of The Godfather so maybe that’s part of it, but I’m definitely not as dismissive of these as I used to be (though part of that could be the mental Stockholm Syndrome Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan and Sean Fennessey have given me). Once I finished Pt. I, I felt like I could re-watch it; once I finished Pt. II I felt like my eyes were melting out of my head and onto my hands (this could be because I had just watched 377 minutes of a story). I will probably never do it again, unless it’s the weekend after Christmas and AMC is just going for it-at least then I’ll have intermissions every 20 or so minutes telling me to go shop at Target.

[orindasfinest]

TDFL PR W#3

To admit to a thing that everyone already knows like Bill Clinton will someday when the antifa firing squad has him wetting his senile pants at gunpoint stammering about how Epstein was onto something with the tightness of 15-year-old box: yes, I missed last week. I shockingly have a girlfriend AND aspirations of being something other than a water babysitter for the rest of my life and the two combined to stop me from shitposting about fantasy football. I have now concluded with my significant other and with my job applications, filling both with rich cum, and will thereby turn my attention to the band of misfits I decided to assemble in hopes of winning a fantasy league for once in my fucking life, which in this instance would basically be like beating ‘Through the Fire and the Flames’ on Guitar Hero in easy difficulty. At least the Eagles officially suck so nobody can feel good about real-life accomplishments except for me and my lovable group of New Englanders who use HGH as lube when waxing their shaven carrots to lithographs of Jock Sutherland’s single-wing play designs. That is a real reference and I am so gratified that I got to waste seconds of your life making you try and process such a string of words – much like you will continue to do if you keep reading! Let’s begin.

10. Leaguema Balls (Mike)

Record: 0-3 | PF: 305.1 | PA: 425.3 | Streak: L3 | Last Week (I actually wrote out a rankings but then just never added the roasts, so they were worthless, but trust me) 10

Plays Next: Sean’s Hard Mangos (Sean)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Continuing to draw breath

It’s comforting to know that I can leave my sweet foundling rankings alone for a week and still have the unmoving anchor way at the bottom to keep it grounded and sturdy. You would have thought that assembling a competent fantasy football roster was Rogaine given Michael’s lack of familiarity with the concept. If you want, Dirt, you can think up an AIM away message to leave in this slot to save me the work for the next 13 weeks and so this entry has some consistency besides sucking more than spilling soup down your shirt in a meeting. (I know that wasn’t you but this guy deserves some of your grilling space.) Marquise Brown is going to blow out a lung trying to run under Lamar’s 102-yard touch passes on Sunday and turn back into Steve Breaston with a dumber nickname.

9. Sean’s Hard Mangos (Sean)

Record: 0-3 | PF: 374.4 | PA: 401.2 | Streak: L3 | Last Week: 8

Plays Next: Oh dear christ not my repeaters again

Questionable Decision of the Week: Dick amputation by tendon fatigue

Just as I take solace in Mike’s cellar-dwelling ways, I can relax about the other two Philly league members having decent squads just by looking at Sean’s merry band of sap-sucking stupidheads. You’d find more consistent direction from Sean behind the wheel of a car than you would from a team led by Derrick Henry and James Conner. And here I thought you were done with uninterested, underperforming ball-grabbers when you broke up with Hannah. Word of advice, dawg! You’re gonna get your first win this week because the algorithm isn’t yet advanced enough to throw up in both of your faces instead of assigning a victor between you and Michael, so act like you’ve been there before, or at least act like you know how to run a palatable social media account after three fucking years of trying and failing.

8. James White is Right (Tori)

Record: 0-3 | PF: 372.7 | PA: 439.7 | Streak: L3 | Last Week: 9

Plays Next: Cartoon Colt Copulation (Hahahahaha)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Acting like her dirt star is the brightest light in the sky when in reality it’s Proxima Centauri from Event Horizon

Much like capitalism, the league has created a placated and clueless middle class, consolidated wealth in the top 1%, and left the lower half of the populace to shiver and die like Austin Ekeler on the sidelines now that Melvin Gordon is back. Of course, knowing Tori’s family, they’d just bray about how the economy is thunderously good before unironically sharing deep-fried boomer memes while she gently chides them through comments, pretending there’s not a little racist in her team name. And in her soul. James White is back, though, having just watched his wife give birth, knowing that whole time that the tearing and screeching he was witnessing would pale in comparison to Tori trying to fit a toothpick up her half-thimble rear entrance.

7. Mark Ruffalo’s Ruffalo Bills (Aidan)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 410.5 | PA: 408.8 | Streak: L1 | Last Week: 3

Plays Next: The Queen’s Booty Lickers (Liv)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Using his asshole around women and not expecting repercussions

Benefiting from a more questionable handout than the insurance settlement that gives him money for having headaches sometimes, Aidan rode high on the back of a free Mahomes the first two weeks of the season. That all came crashing down when Lauren put him in a dumpster in this past matchup, which was probably an upgrade from his place in Chicago. Aidan has a picture of the Blues Brothers’ trainside apartment on his vision board in the hopes that someday he can move somewhere that high-class. Expect further regression as Josh Jacobs and Leonard Fournette continue to suffer from some sort of Power 5 running back glaucoma which makes them barrel directly into their linemen’s asses on every handoff instead of bouncing to the acres of green space just outside the tackles. This is much like how Aidan rushes for beans on toast instead of attempting to taste flavor.

6. Airstrip One Ezekiels Engels (Derv)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 404.7 | PA: 387.8 | Streak: W2 | Last Week: 7

Plays Next: TEAM DUMPSTER BEARS (Lauren)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Fookin ‘ell ‘ard ta pick one innit luv xx

After a less auspicious start than the Easter Rebellion, Derv has rebounded from a sheer fleecing to fashion herself into something of a competent franchise owner. Knowing the strength of her impostor syndrome, though, she’s liable to swap Zeke for a scalding slap in the face *battered whisper* because that’s the type of team that she deserves. I would say this ranking of 6 will be the highest you will ever get but I think if you’re a good enough girl this year, around Thanksgiving your dad will finally put you on his shoulders so you can see the inflatable turkeys parading down the garbage metropolis a mere three hours from you upstate hovel. Otherwise it’ll be another long outing of sinking further down the standings and standing so low at 4’8 you look like you’re dissolving into a sinkhole.

5. The Queen’s Booty Lickers (Liv)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 399.7 | PA: 394.3 | Streak: L1 | Last Week: 1

Plays Next: Mark Ruffalo’s Still Not a Funny Name (Aidan)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Taking dick so long it got mistaken for the amount of time she spends on the toilet

How the mighty have fallen! One minute, you look like an infallible cock destroyer, and then BANG! You get run over. But I won’t bring up your car accident too much. I’m seeing more hopeless tears from your Johnson & Johnson RB corps than from babies piteously afflicted by their cornea-searing shampoo. It’s fitting that such an intermittent contributor would have a roster full of people that basically decide whether or not they want to do a football on a play-by-play basis. “How about an out route, Amari?” “How about you sit in a room for 10 minutes with Liv’s roommate, coach?” This team could light the league on fire but it’ll settle for searing its own britches at completely unpredictable hours. Again, just like Liv.

4. The Birds Have Arrived (John)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 402.1 | PA: 391.4 | Streak: W1 | Last Week: 4

Plays Next: Poo Poo Point Diarrheas (Griffin)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Sending Snickers to hell. She was a good cat john.

The man with the worst opinions in the league dropped Antonio Brown for some reason even though he was clearly a kindred spirit in that regard. There’s no difference between what AB did and what John said about candy, except for the fact that I’d be more comfortable with jizz on my back than I would listening to more of his sweets-based takes. (Come to think of it, I’d just be more comfortable with jizz on my back.) As alluded to before, Melvin Gordon is returning to action, which means John can stop pretending that Miles Sanders will be any kind of valuable contributor, about 4 years and one hair-tearingly bad contract extension before the Eagles do the same. While you’re on the road with the VengaBus, Oakman, see if you can pick up a kicker who realizes that people with apostrophes in their names belong on the defensive line and who can actually put the ball through the fucking uprights.

3. Cartoon Colt Copulation (Gabe)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 422.5 | PA: 333 | Streak: W2 | Last Week: 2

Plays Next: James White is Right (Delicious)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Looking past all the signs that Lauren sabotages air travel just to spend extra time with me and trying to aim my blasts to curve around her IUD anyway

I would just like to immediately point out that my points for is second highest in the league and therefore I righteously deserve my place near the top of the rankings AND could even go for higher. I would also like to admit that I have by far the lowest points against. So even when I excel, I do it in arenas that are specifically set up for me to succeed, which feels appropriate for me as a white man. I’m swinging my dick on an unlevel playing field like Steve-O on a teeter-totter with a scorpion. Saquon’s injury is all I need to have the pinchers come rocketing towards my little glistening head and put the clamps on my high-falutin’ status. BUT FOR NOW FUCK YOU JACOBY BRISSETT IS GOD which is only right and fair in the name of equality

2. TEAM DUMPSTER BEARS (Lauren)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 426 | PA: 363 | Streak: W1 | Last Week: 6

Plays Next: Airstrip One Historical Reference Yawn (Derv)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Do I really have to spell it out? After she spent a whole weekend plus in my bed? Come on, guys. Going back to Buzz City and pretending low rent is a fair tradeoff for having about as much culture as spoiled yogurt

Team Clemson had a TAMU product to thank for their banana sandwich performance in matchday number three as Mike Evans put up FORTY FIVE FUCKING BIG ONES in, of course, a losing effort for his real-life Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Scoring points but losing everything of consequence is nothing new to Lauren after her latest tussles with Catan. But the soaring to improbable heights is taking on gorgeous new wrinkles as different folks step up week after week to put up the performances of their lives, only to be invariably out of gas week nine, leaving her roster a withered, gaping husk with bitter glances back towards what once was as she tries to wring some sort of enjoyment from the remnants. Welcome to childbirth, honey!

1. Poo Poo Point Diarrheas (Griffin)

Record: 3-0 | PF: 396.5 | PA: 342.7 | Streak: W3 | Last Week: 5

Plays Next: The Birds Have Arrived (John)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Getting tested for STDs. Next you’re gonna tell Sean not to drunk drive. Narc

Griffin has the 4th-lowest point total out of all of us, yet he is the sole occupant of first place as of press time. The last time I saw a fatty get this much undeserved shine, my ex-girlfriend made me watch an entire episode of This Is Us. You’re rocking Mitchy Trubes at quarterback, whose play style must be similar to your lovemaking technique: going long a lot, but never looking like you have any idea what you’re doing. I am so happy about your brief stay at the top of the mountain and I hope you can brag about it at show choir or whatever. Just remember that the #1 spot in these rankings is not like having abandonment issues. You don’t need to get used to it.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Marvel Cinematic Universe review

The Marvel Cinematic Universe is one of the biggest and most ambitious franchises ever made. While not the first franchise ever to attempt a shared universe, it is definitely the one that codified how to pull them off in the modern day, and it has proven to be an incredible, unbelievable success. I mean, as good as Iron Man was, no one ever truly expected the little Nick Fury cameo at the end to ever be anything more than a neat little mythology gag. And yet, here we are, nearly a decade later, with it being the highest grossing franchise in cinematic history and with it containing some of the very best superhero films ever made.

Of course, there being fifteen movies so far, and with more on the way, it would be an enormous task to review them all individually… so, to celebrate the impending release of Spider-Man: Homecoming, I will be doing a similar thing as I did to the View Askiewniverse and touching upon each of the Marvel films thus far released. However, for the Guardians of the Galaxy films, Civil War, and Doctor Strange, I will keep things brief, as my reviews of them are still new enough to accurately reflect my opinions (Age of Ultron is not so lucky here).

There is no better place to start than the start, so let’s lok at the film that began it all: Iron Man. It is the tale of egotistical millionaire Tony Stark and how, after a brush with death that had him kidnapped by terrorists and crippled, he decided to change for the better and don a robot suit so he could protect the world from devastation. One of his big goals is to clean up the mess his company has made in the world, which not everyone likes, particularly Obadiah Stane.

This movie is probably most well known for resurrecting the career of Robert Downey, Jr. after he struggled for years with addiction and had a downward spiral. This is a truly triumphant return, and his negative experiences definitely helped him out with this role of a self-destructive playboy who realizes he should dedicate himself to a better cause. RDJ truly captures what his character is and what he should be, and thanks to his performance, he not only saved his career, he saved the character as well, who had not exactly been popular due to the recent Civil War event in the comics and his unnecessarily extreme actions therein. It’s a twofold saving, and boy is it a blast!

One part of the film that is not often talked about is the villain, Obadiah Stane, who is played by Jeff “The Dude” Bridges. As the very first Marvel supervillain, he does leave a bit of an impression with his  exclamation of how Tony built his first Iron Man suit IN A CAVE! WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS! He eventually suits up in a gigantic mech suit, and becomes the typical “Evil version of the hero” that we’ve all come to know and love… but, to be fair to him, he was the first one. As far as “Evil version of the hero”-type villains go, Obadiah Stane is enjoyable and memorable. He was originally planned to have a “never found the body” situation going on at the end of the film, hinting he could eventually return, but as it’s not in the final cut, we kinda have to assume that this was part of the annoying “kill the cool villain” trend the movies would follow for years.

This movie has a reputation as being one of the greatest superhero movies ever made, and it really isn’t undeserved. This film has kickass action, great characters, intriguing foreshadowing that actually payed off, and yet it still works easily as a standalone. This right here is how superhero films should be made, but the fact that so many later superhero films, including later MCU films and the DCEU films prior to Wonder Woman, decided to focus on cramming in so much crap that requires you to watch previous and later films to understand them, it seems not many got the memo. Franchise building isn’t always bad guys, but take notes; work on being good on your own first.

The Incredible Hulk is next up on the list, and this is one of the most obscure films in the MCU. NOBODY talks about this movie. I’d understand if people thought Mark Ruffalo was the first Hulk in the MCU; this movie is hardly ever referenced even in later films, all its plot threads seem to have been dropped, and it took until Civil War for one of its characters to reappear. For the life of me, I’ll never understand why; this movie is a fantastic example of worldbuilding while still remaining a solid standalone film. The plot is relatively simple: Bruce Banner wants to be left alone so he can cure himself, but after accidentally poisoning a man with his blood after it got into some soda (you read that right), General Ross and Emil Blonsky are on his trail; for those not in the know, Blonsky becomes one of Hulk’s most famous foes, Abomination.

Edward Norton is Bruce Banner here, and you can tell he really is a fan of the comics, because he does an excellent job; he apparently did a lot of uncredited rewriting and even directed some of his own scenes. William Hurt as Ross is also perfect, which of course is helped by the fact that Hurt is a big fan of Hulk. Then of course there’s Liv Tyler as Betty Ross, and she’s actually one of the better love interests in the MCU, to the point where it’s honestly offensive she hasn’t reappeared and instead has been replaced with Black Widow of all people as Bruce’s love interest.

The movie has solid action and a solid final fight, with Abomination being a pretty good “Evil version of the hero” villain. He’s not spectacular or anything, but he’s definitely threatening and pretty cool. So how then did this become such an obscure film in one of the biggest franchises? I imagine part of the problem is being screwed over by Universal, who owns the distribution rights for Hulk solo films. This movie just couldn’t be followed up, and so Hulk is relegated to ensemble casts. This leaves a lot of the characters in limbo, which includes Abomination and Leader (who had his origin shown in the film). And this is a real shame, because like I said, there’s some great worldbuilding here; the super-soldier serum is mentioned, there’s Stark weaponry, and in an alternate opening with the Hulk running through the arctic we get a glimpse of the frozen Captain America. Honestly, I think aside from the issue with the film rights, the fact that this movie can mostly be described as “Solid” is the reason why it has faded from the public consciousness; it lacks the OOMPH so many of the later films and even Iron Man before it had, and nowadays aside from looking for all the foreshadowing it’s hard to watch and care about these characters who will never show up again. It’s a damn good movie in my eyes, but I can see why it is relegated to a footnote in the MCU.

Next up is Iron Man 2. Fuck this movie. I fucking hate this movie with every fiber of my being. It is an awful, bloated, unfocused, cluttered, and disrespectful mess of the film. This film is a fucking travesty in every single regard, except perhaps casting Don Cheadle as James Rhodes. The plot deals with the fallout of Tony outing himself in the last movie, with industrialist Justin Hammer breathing down his neck as congressional hearings try and force him to share his tech. There’s also a pissed off Russian named  Ivan Vanko who wants to get vengeance on him, oh yeah and Black Widow is also unceremoniously stuffed into the film alongside Nick Fury so this can basically act as a trailer for the upcoming movie about the Avengers. This was due to executive meddling, to the point where jon Favreau didn’t direct the third Iron Man. Marvel had bad problems with executive meddling in their early days.

This movie fucking offends me. First off, they waste Mickey Rourke as the villain Whiplash; Mickey Rourke was pissed with the execs making his character into a cartoonish villain when he was trying to play him as a human, an anti-villain… and so he proceeded to spew vitriol at everyone involved, meaning even if Whiplash survived it’s unlikely he’ll be back. So we wasted the one interesting villain, and who are we left with? Justin fucking Hammer, one of the most unfunny, annoying cunts in comic book movie history. He is easily one of the worst superhero movie villains ever made; he’s annoying, he’s cloying, and he sucks away screentime that could have been devoted to Whiplash. He’s an absolute waste of a villain.

Then we have Tony’s “Demon in a Bottle” arc, the arc where his rampant alcoholism threatens to ruin his life. This is a tragic part of the character, and the film was going to delve deeper into it. And hey, this would have been great! RDJ could add a lot to such an emotional arc due to his own experiences! Guess what they do instead?

They play Tony’s alcoholism for laughs. Have I mentioned I fucking hate this movie?

This movie sucks ass. It’s fucking awful and feels like a shitty trailer for better movies, which is exacerbated by how shoehorned in Black Widow and Fury are. The movie is a bloated, disgusting mess, crushed by bad decisions and executive meddling. It is easily the worst movie in the entire MCU, but believe me it has some competition… which I’ll get to soon enough.

After that travesty, we have Thor. Thor I can best describe as being a precursor to Wonder Woman in a lot of ways, which is reflected in the story to an extent: it’s about a god – er, or an ALIEN – who is banished by his father after being a disobedient shit. He gets sent on down to Earth, while his half-brother Loki plots and schemes back on Asgard. Okay, so it’s not entirely like Wonder Woman, but still, there are similarities.

The biggest similarity is probably Chris Hemsworth as Thor, who exudes a childlike, boyish charm as Thor when he is down on Earth among the mortals. It’s not the same charm Diana has in Wonder Woman, but it’s not wholly dissimilar. Their origins too, as mighty gods who go to live among mortals and fight alongside them, is likewise similar. Of course, there are big differences too: the biggest one is while Wonder Woman surrounds herself with a cool human supporting cast, Thor surrounds himself with one of the worst fucking supporting casts I’ve ever seen. Special mention must go to the cliically unfunny Kat Dennings, who sucks the joy out of every scene she’s in with her relentlessly awful attempts at humor. Natalie Portman is a bland, flat love interest who has almost no chemistry with Thor, a nd the old scientist guy is so generic I forgot his name. This is a damn shame, because his supporting cast on Asgard was fantastic, with Heimdall getting special mention for being an utter badass guardian played by Idris Elba. I’d much rather watch the cosmic adventures of Thor and his Asgardian buddies than him pal around with boring humans, but ah well.

Still, at least we have a cool villain this time around. Loki is pretty interesting, and Tom Hiddleston does an excellent job with him. He would only get better and more entertaining in later films, but this was solid groundwork to establish him. Hilariously, Roger Ebert hated this film and had this to say in his review: “The standards for comic book superhero movies have been established by Superman, The Dark Knight, Spider-Man 2 and Iron Man. In that company Thor is pitiful. Consider even the comparable villains (Lex Luthor, the Joker, Doc Ock and Obadiah Stane). Memories of all four come instantly to mind. Will you be thinking of Loki six minutes after this movie is over?" This is just one of the most hilariously ironic reviews I’ve ever seen, as Loki has come to be one of the best and most memorable Marvel villains (mostly due to the fact he doesn’t die).

Overall, I feel like this movie suffers from the same thing The Incredible Hulk did; it’s a darn good movie with a lot of value that also works as a standalone film, but it’s easy to see it as exceedingly average due to its faults. At least this movie got followed up… though… eh. We’ll get there soon enough. As it stands, Thor is a good if not great film that establishes Thor well enough.

Next up is one of my personal favorites, Captain America: The First Avenger. I love me some pulpy 1940s style two-fisted tales, and this delivers that fun in spades. Sometimes you just wanna see a handsome blonde man punch Nazis in the face, and boy does this film deliver. The story tells the tale of how wimpy but strong-hearted Steve Rogers goes from a scrawny little man into the gorgeous beefcake American hero that is Captain America, and how he fought against Red Skull and HYDRA.

This movie has a lot of silly Golden Age elements to it that would not work in any other context other than the most patriotic superhero’s first big movie. The biggest, of course, being Cap himself. He’s a character that is really hard to pull off… and yet, Chris Evans did it, and perfectly so. I’ll let this excerpt from TVTropes’s YMMV page for the movie speak for itself:

“It's always an issue to adapt Captain America to any medium, because a character who is actually living up to his own principles of righteousness can far too easily come off as straight-out Narm, and by all rights that's exactly what this film should be. But somehow it comes out as a genuine, heartwarming, awesome, tear-jerking, triumphal ode to true patriotism and human goodness instead, a feat that should have been impossible outside the Golden Age of Hollywood. The writers, director, and Chris Evans deserve a lot of credit for striking the right tone with Cap: The Herois a trope that's almost never played straight anymore, without veering into self-parody or coming off as self-righteous.”

I really could not have summed it up better myself.

Now, let us talk about the villain, Red Skull, who is played by a deliciously hammy Hugo Weaving. Hugo Weaving is an actor I love in nearly everything, because he always brings exactly what is needed, and boy does he do that here. He’s sick, depraved, truly evil, and just oh so delightfully hammy. The man is basically if M. Bison as played by Raul Julia was in a Marvel film, and that I think is the highest compliment you can give a hammy villain. The best part: While he is defeated in the end, his use of the Cosmic Cube seems to imply he could survive, leaving him open to return. The bad news: he hasn’t appeared since, and for years after, Hugo Weaving took a very negative attitude to the role, implying he only did it for money… until a 2016 interview showed he had softened considerably, and thought the role was awesome. Please Marvel. Bring this man back. We need more of his evil Nazi hamminess, especially since you fucking wasted Baron Strucker (we’ll get to that soon enough).

If I’m gonna criticize anything here, it’s gonna be the Howling Commandos. As a point of comparison, let us bring up Wonder Woman again; she too assembled a multi-national ragtag group of misfits, and all of them had plenty of character and development, and to top it off, it’s pretty obvious they were meant to be a substitute for the Commandos. But despite they, they’re actually BETTER, as the Howling Commandos barely have any presence at all in this film. I couldn’t tell you a single thing they did. They’re dull wastes of character space, and it’s a shame.

Still, overall, the movie is fantastic pulpy fun, and it ends on the biggest tearjerker of Phase 1. It’s a pretty simple film, and at times it can seem corny and silly, but like I said in Wonder Woman, it’s all part of the charm of these optimistic superhero films that harken back to the Golden Age. And hey, I find it hard to give a movie that subtly implies Indiana Jones is canon in the Marvel universe anything but two thumbs up.

Finally, after all the buildup, we come to the big conclusion of Phase 1: The Avengers. And after all the buildup, all the development, was it worth the wait? HELL FUCKING YES IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! This movie kicks a whole lot of ass, and is one of the biggest, best, and flashiest superhero films ever made. This is the film where Thor, Cap, Iron Man, Hulk, Hawkeye, and Black Widow all unite to take down Loki and his alien army before they destroy the world; how much cooler does it get?

The movie’s greatest strength is just the sheer spectacle of it all; this kind of film was unheard of. Who would have thought a movie like this would exist when Iron Man first came out? Seeing all these huge actors as heroes onscreen together, fighting against Loki… it’s just amazing. The writing and humor here is actually really on point, which can be jarring after seeing the much denser and wackier dialogue of Age of Ultron; it makes one wonder if the execs forced Joss Whedon to add more humor to that film. All these pieces are in place, and it is just a joy to see them come together.

Even better, it’s not totally required to watch every movie before to understand all of the characters; the film does a pretty good job of establishing everyone. Sure, it HELPS, but you can get a feel for each one of the heroes just from this film. It especially helps with Bruce, since it’s Mark Ruffalo now in the role and no one really remembered Hulk’s one MCU solo outing anyway. Speaking of which, Mark Ruffalo is a highlight of the film; he’s the best Bruce Banner yet by far, and his Hulk is the best yet scene in film.

If there are any criticisms to go around, it’s that Cap doesn’t get to do as much, and a lot of the badass normal heroes kind of get shafted. Sure Cap, Widow, and Hawkeye do some cool shit, but it’s Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man who pull of the big, flashy, exciting moments in the big final fight. I get that you gotta make Hulk cool considering his lackluster past films, but do ya gotta steal Cap’s thunder to do it?

Overall though, The Avengers still holds up as a great, exciting superhero extravaganza and one of the best crossover films ever made, and it’s definitely one of the best MCU offerings. It has its flaws, but the sheer excitement and comic book joy of the film shine through, making it a must-see experience.

Phase 1 ended on such a high note… how do we kick off Phase 3? With another shitty Iron Man sequel, of course! To be totally fair, this movie is a hell of a lot better than Iron Man 2… but a lot of things are better than that, so it isn’t saying much. This time Tony Stark has the bright idea of antagonizing a terrorist organization known as the Ten Rings and their leader, the Mandarin. This backfires, and soon Tony is uncovering evil plots and shit.

This movie fucks up badly, especially in the villain department. Most of the enemy mooks are people injected with Extremis, a drug that gives them powers… the problem is, most of these mooks are disabled military vets who are now willingly and gleefully acting out terrorist attacks on their fellow Americans, up to and including a plot to assassinate the president. Look, I get sometimes it’s dumb to read into things in movies too much, but there’s really no way I can read this that isn’t pretty fucked.

As if that isn’t bad enough, we come to the issue with the Mandarin… and shockingly, it’s not about race or the “Yellow peril” origins of the character. For most of the movie, we are led to believe the Mandarin is played by Ben Kingsley, and he does an absolutely excellent job at making the Mandarin menacing, chilling, hammy, and intimidating all at once. He’s the perfect modern update of the villain… and sadly, he is not actually the Mandarin. He is an actor named Trevor Slattery. Slattery still manages to be one of the bright spots of the movie… something that does not extend to the true villain Killian, played by Guy Pearce. He’s an extremely boring, generic, and forgettable foe, and his claims that he is in fact the real Mandarin opened so many plotholes it’s no wonder they had in development a short where the real Mandarin sends out pissed off enforcers to call bullshit on his and Trevor’s schemes.

There’s just not much to recommend here. The movie is just a dull slog with a few bright spots here and there, and even the ending is bullshit with Tony seeming like he’s giving up superheroics for good… and then by his next appearance he’s back to being a hero with a new set of armor even though all his suits were destroyed in this movie. This one just sucks, though not as bad as the second one; there’s at least a bit more to like here.

And now we go from bad to worse, for we land on Thor: The Dark World, which is an incredibly awful movie. The plot involves evil elves invading Asgard looking for a magic MacGuffin to do things and… look, the only reason anyone bothered with this fucking movie is because Loki is in it, and by god, the forty minutes he’s in it are just fantastic and funny. His interactions with Thor are nothing short of hilarious, and the fact he actually comes out on top in this movie is intriguing. Props to the film for that at least.

Too bad the film sucks in nearly every other conceivable way. The major focus on the human characters is the worst of all; Natalie Portman is given a disproportionately large amount of screentime and hogs the plot, and Kat Dennings is back and as relentlessly unfunny as ever. She is like a cancerous tumor on an already foul film. And as if the humans aren’t bad and obnoxious enough, we have the villain, Malekith the Accursed, a dark elf who has some of the most generic and boring motives ever despite looking absolutely cool. He is one of the worst comic book movie villains ever, hands down, and it’s such a shame because he’s played by the usually amazing Christopher Eccleston. To say that he was wasted here is a crass understatement.

There’s not much else to say here; this is an awful, shitty movie. The saving graces are Loki’s screentime and maybe the final battle, but even that is interjected with some unfunny humor, and the lack of a solid villain really drags the film down. This film is utter crap, but at least there’s a bit to recommend here, which is more than I can say for Iron Man 2.

Well we’ve got two strikes down, so this is Marvel’s last swing… can they save their asses? I mean, this is a sequel, to Captain America: The First Avenger of all things, this couldn’t possibly be that good, right?

WRONG.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier is not only one of the very best films in the entire MCU, it is one of the greatest superhero movies ever made, and probably the greatest adaptation of Metal Gear Solid we’ll ever get. I’m not kidding, everything’s there: a genetically modified super soldier fighting against a shadowy conspiracy that wants to use a giant war machine to attack the world’s population, all the while fighting a crazy cyborg version of their best friend. Also there’s a fight in an elevator and an evil AI that has been manipulating the world from behind the scenes. If you can’t already tell, I fucking love this movie.

A big plus is that this is less straight-up superhero action for the most part, and more an action thriller. This lets Steve use his badass super soldier skills to their fullest extent against armies of armed mooks. Even more amazingly, this movie does a good job at making Black Widow likable and interesting, and she has very good chemistry with Steve. Best of all, though, is the introduction of Anthony Mackie as Falcon, Cap’s new best buddy and a badass hero in his own right who helps solve this big HYDRA conspiracy. And despite his limited screentime, Sebastian Stan makes an impression as the incredible, unstoppable, hardcore titular Winter Soldier, AKA Bucky Barnes, Cap’s long-lost friend.

This movie is the one all Marvel sequels would be judged by afterwards. Well, for a while at least; this movie’s own sequel managed to top it somehow. But yes, this movie is absolutely fucking fantastic, a modern classic of the superhero genre, and one of the best Marvel sequels ever made. Not bad, especially since unlike Iron Man or Thor the original movie is not the biggest or most critically acclaimed Marvel film (Though t still got a mostly positive reception). The fact it managed to produce a sequel superior to the first while Thor and Iron Man’s sequels ended up being shit is nothing short of impressive.

After this movie came Guardians of the Galaxy, which I reviewed recently on Michael After Midnight. Needless to say, it’s an amazing film, akin to a modern-day Star Wars, and I truly love it… though at this point, I fully admit its sequel is far superior. If you want a general idea of my thoughts on the film, just click the link there.

So how do you follow up two incredibly epic game-changing movies? With an Avengers sequel! Joss Whedon is back, the cast is all here, what could possibly go wrong?

A whole fucking lot.

This movie had tons of executive meddling, so much it drove Whedon nuts. But executive meddling can’t take all the blame for the shoddy script and the piss-poor mishandling of characters. One of my biggest regrets is saying this was one of the better MCU films in my review; it most definitely is not. But on the other hand, unlike the Iron Man sequels or Thor: The Dark World, there really is a lot of genuinely good stuff in this movie. Look at the plot: Tony, desperate to keep the world safe, creates an AI that ends up going rogue… that AI being Ultron. Now they gotta stop this AI before it wipes out humanity. There’s a lot of good potential in this story! But sadly, this potential is not fully realized.

Let me talk about the good stuff first. The big draw is the action setpieces, which are a bit more spectacular than before… or they would be the big draw, but since the story is so messy, it’s hard to care too much. At least there’s more action scenes. The REAL draw here is  this stretch of time where the Avengers are at Hawkeye’s cabin; this lets all of the characters interact with each other in a close space, and see how everyone plays off each other. It’s absolutely fantastic, and it’s a shame the whole movie isn’t as tightly written as these scenes. Hell, they manage to make Black Widow, who tends to be a dull and uninteresting character, more human with a bit of tragic backstory.

The new characters here are fascinating as well; Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Ulysses Klaue, Vision… all of these characters are pretty interesting and cool. In concept, at least. While Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver get a solid amount of screentime since they’re working for Ultron for most of the film before switching sides, by the film’s end Quicksilver is killed. Vision only appears immediately before the final fight, Klaue is just a cameo (albeit a really good one) to set up Black Panther… none of these characters really feel organically added, they feel crammed in to set up future films, leading to Age of Ultron feeling like a trailer for better movies to come.

Look at the original Avengers movie; you could jump into that from just about anywhere in your Marvel viewing experience and get it, and they don’t throw too much new at you. Here, they’re flinging all sorts of new shit at you that you pretty much NEED to watch the other movies to really get this one. Hell, and even that doesn’t help too much, since there are still things like Thor’s weird, nonsensical vision and Bruce and Natasha’s out of nowhere romance.

Of course, the absolute worst part of this film is the absolutely horrendous script. It’s not entirely bad, but there are lines like “She’s weird and he runs fast” (describing Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, respectively) and Black Widow going “Beep beep” while she rides through a crowd and Tony’s infamous “prima noctis” joke… the movie is just so dense with garbage writing like this that it’s impossible to take seriously and it deflates the tension when it constantly happens in battles. Now, there are still some good and genuinely funny moments, like when Vision lifts the hammer or Klaue’s entire scene, but there’s plenty of cringe inducing stuff that proves when it comes to Whedon’s writing, lightning DOES strike twice… do you want to know what happens when Whedon’s writing is hit by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

Now, finally, let’s talk about the villains… oh, sorry, VILLAIN, they decide to anticlimactically kill Baron Strucker offscreen after the opening, so no point in discussing him! Ultron is the biggest saving grace of the film… as well as yet another example of Marvel getting rid of their most interesting villains. Ultron has solid motives, an interesting plan, and with more fleshing out could have served as an incredible reoccuring antagonist… so of course he is blown up by the end of the film, because his name isn’t Loki. HOWEVER, everything is ambiguous enough that he could realistically return; guy had to hide a backup somewhere, yeah? James Spader did such a good job at making Ultron both creepy and charismatic it would be a crime to not use his talents again, though since Marvel isn’t exactly begging Hugo Weaving to be Red Skull again at the moment, I won’t hold my breath. What makes this a bit more bitter is that, overall, Ultron was the best villain in all of Phase 2.

Age of Ultron is a film that can only be described as messy. Honestly? I’d say it’s a bit worse than Iron Man 3. That film may not be very good, but at least it was a bit more focused and the humor didn’t clog every single action scene and they didn’t try and cram fifty new characters to act as teasers for better movies into the plot. This film actually has a lot in common with Batman v Superman; the story is cluttered and unfocused and choked by the tone of the rest of the film, there are superfluous cameos and character insertions that are advertising better films to come, and obviously both are lukewarm superhero crossover films. Age of Ultron has a better villain, however, while Batman v Superman has much better fight scenes, and also Batman doesn’t make an awkward and forced rape joke so that’s good. In all honesty, I’d rather watch Batman v Superman over this; that movie may be dark and dour, but I can handle grim and gritty more than I can handle horribly painful and unfunny jokes ruining most every action scene. Age of Ultron is a seriously mediocre movie, and it’s just so depressing after how good the original Avengers film was… what a note to end Phase 2 on…

...Ha! Psyche! There’s still another movie, bitches! Here comes motherfucking Ant-Man to save the day! Whoever could have thought that Ant-Man of all characters would redeem Phase 2 by delivering a quirky, genuinely funny action-crime thriller? This story has Scott Lang, a former robber who is trying to go straight for the sake of his daughter, get roped in to becoming Ant-Man after breaking and entering into Hank Pym’s house. Ant-Man has to steal research from Pym’s former company before the new, corrupt owner Darren Cross abuses the research.

So this film has great setup, and it’s a refreshing change of pace for the most part. The film is mainly about the training to become Ant-Man and the heist itself, leading to a bit of a different tone from the usual superhero film. Yes, of course there’s a big fight with a supervillain at the end, but it’s so quirky and hilarious that it still fits the tone of the rest of the film. That’s another great quality this film has; it’s quirky and humorous while not being obnoxiously so like the last film. A great addition is one of Scott Lang’s sidekicks, Luis, an incredibly enthusiastic criminal with quite bit of hidden depths and an impressive skill for telling stories.

But even more impressive than the quirkiness and the interesting change of pace from other superhero films is just how this movie takes things and makes you like them, things no one would ever expect to like. Hank Pym for example; Pym has long been a subject of ridicule among comic fans, mostly due to an infamous moment where he hit his wife Janet. After this movie and Michael Douglas’s powerful and moving performance in scenes such as when he talks about how his wife died… well, those “Wifebeater Hank Pym” jokes can go the way of most of the MCU’s villains. Douglas did an excellent job at making Hank a character with flaws who is still sympathetic. And if that’s not enough at how this movie makes you love things you’d never expect to, well, this film just may make you cry over the death of an ant. No, I’m not kidding.

Now, if there’s one thing I can really criticize here, it’s the villain. Darren Cross/Yellowjacket is not bad by any means, but like a lot of MCU villains he falls into the trap of having the same superpowers as the hero, which is frankly an overplayed concept. Look at the great villains of the MCU like Loki, Ultron, or Ego; all of them had powers that gave them an edge or were noticeably different from the heroes they fought. Cross shrinks just like Ant-Man does, just like Obadiah Stane had a giant robot suit, Abomination was a big roaring monster, and Kaecilius was a powerful wizard. None of these villains are really bad per se, but still. At least that final fight is incredible, with the concept of two men with shrinking powers played for all it c an be played for and so many great comedic moments coming from it.

Ant-Man totally makes up for how lackluster and unfunny Age of Ultron was. It’s genuinely funny without clogging every scene with jokes, the action is utilized excellently, the protagonists are all likable and enjoyable, and the film feels a lot more fun and fresh than anyone would expect. This is definitely one of the most shocking success stories of the MCU, but that success is nothing less than well-deserved.

And now we enter into Phase 3, and as I have reviewed all the films, I will link to their reviews.

First up is Civil War, the third Captain America film, and the movie that Age of Ultron should have been. It still does bring in some new blood, but they feel far less forced and more organically woven into the plot. The jokes and the action are all great, and the villain is actually interesting. Click here to see what I thought of it, and also what I thought of Batman v Superman (I may have to re-review that movie as well…).

Next up is Doctor Strange, which holds the distinction of perhaps being the most visually impressive superhero film ever made. The trippy visuals really help to make the film, and Benedict Cumberbatch puts in an excellent performance, as does Mads Mikkelson, who redeems what would otherwise be a flat villain. Click here for the full review of the movie.

Then we have the most recent of the bunch, my favorite film of all time, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. I won’t say anything here, just click the link for the full review.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe is constantly growing and expanding, creating new and fascinating stories that their characters can inhabit. These films are some of the only modern superhero films that truly embrace their comic book roots and play them for all they’re worth. Coming up soon are films such as Thor: Ragnarok, Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War, Ant-Man & The Wasp, Captain Marvel, and untitled Avengers, Doctor Strange, and Spider-Man sequels as well as volume three of the Guardians of the Galaxy story. We can only hope that, upon their release, I have wonderful things to say about them. But considering the high quality of most of the movies here, especially as time went on… I don’t think there’s any reason to be afraid. Marvel’s the king of superhero cinema right now, and I see no signs they’ll be giving up that crown any time soon.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Just a Girl

So i saw Captain Marvel opening day. I was part of that rush, yes. Cap was one of my most anticipated films of the year for me. She’s actually my fifth favorite Marvel character, second favorite female character. When i heard she was getting a film, i was apprehensive. No one knows who Cap is. They don’t know how powerful she is. Hell, how would that power-set translate to the MCU? When they announced Brie Larson was going to play Carol, i was concerned. Not because Brie is a feminist or man-hater as the less intelligent parts of the internet would like to focus on, but more she didn’t fit the bill for an MCU hero. Larson is an excellent actress, one of my favorite working today. What she ain’t, is charismatic. There’s a different type of energy you need to carry an MCU film and Marvel has done an excellent job of finding people who capture that spirit. Brie has never demonstrated, in any of her roles, an ability to do that. I was super on the fence about this entire situation. I want this film to succeed. I want it to be good. I want Captain Marvel to get he shine she deserves. My fingers were crossed this would be good. And then the less intelligent parts of the internet got to it.

I wrote about this at length in my Captain Controversy post. The thing about Captain Marvel, the thing that i love about her, is the small moments. When she interacts with other characters, she's super on point. In a team dynamic, Carol is amazing. On her own? Not so much. This stems from the fact that the origins of her character are from that whole women lib movement of the 70s. She's a rule 63 of the original Captain Marvel, Mar-Vell. She-Hulk kind of has the same issues but, given proper writing and development, they both shine. Carol, however, has not had the same luck in that department as Jessica and it shows. Throughout the years, as a comic entity, Carol's had, like, three stories that have been dope - all of them occurring in the late 00s until now. Bendis has done a great service in developing Carol into her own, independent, personality and the recent revelations in her new origin, The Life of Captain Marvel, have gone a long way to establishing a future where Captain Marvel can be great. She has a ton of potential to be excellent and I think, as a creator, I am drawn to that aspect of her. Plus, she has had some really dope costumes over the years. Now, I said three good stories because the bulk of Captain Marvel in modern Marvel comics, has, more or less, become a poster child for gender politics and THAT sh*t is whack! That sh*t is why none of the fanboys want to have anything to do with this character. And casting Brie Larson, a very vocal feminist, does not help in any capacity. All of that White Male Outrage has review bombed the f*ck out of this film and I don't think it deserves any of it. I think, removed from all of the butt-hurt Menisists and fragile male egos, there are very real issues with this film. Issues that hinder but never detract. This is why I took so much time before writing this review. I actually wanted to digest what I saw on the screen and try to distance myself from my admitted bias and this weird, sad, unwarranted hate, this flick has been getting. So, with a properly digested understanding of what I saw, here is what I thought about Captain Marvel.

The Good

They changed the opening Marvel title card from MCU events, to all of  Stan Lee's cameos and that sh*t hurt, man. They ended it with “Thank You, Stan.” The entire theater lost it. It's been a few months, but that loss still hurts, man. Marvel Comics means a lot to me and Stan is one of the principal architects. Say what you will about the quality of his character, the strength of his work will stand the test of time.

Speaking of Stan Lee cameos, this is easily his second best after the one he had in Spider-Verse. If you're a 90s kid, or someone who grew up during the 90s, you'll know why. It's f*cking brilliant and I loved it. I bet Kevin Smith did, too.

Sam Jackson knocks it out of the park as usual. His Nick Fury has been the linchpin of the MCU since way back in the Iron Man stinger. You see a lot of who he was before all of the responsibility and SHIELD clout, which was mad refreshing. If we loose RDJ, I think we'll be alright if we can keep Sam around for the occasional pop-in.

I think Brie Larson did fantastic in her first stint as Carol. I mean, with the exception of RDJ and Tom Holland, who f*cking knocked it out of the park as Pete, every other MCU hero needed time to grow and figure out HOW to be those characters. We had, what? Three different Hulks before they hit that sweet spot with Ruffalo? It took Hemsworth four movies before he cracked Thor? Hell, Cummerbund had to have two films and an end credits stinger to get Strange right. What I'm saying is, a lot of what cats are dinging Larson for, will work itself out over time. Especially when she gets into the think of it with everyone else in Endgame. Also, a better script and director would go a long way to helping that growth, as well.

The chemistry between Carol and Nick was wonderful. His movie is a buddy cop flick more so than any other in the MCU so far. I think Carol needs that to play off and, in the comics, she usually has Jessica Drew, Spider-Woman, to do a lot of that with. Considering it looks like the MCU is going in another direction with that, which is a shame because that dynamic would be awesome to see onscreen, what we got with Fury and Danvers was great.

This guy Ben Medelshon? How great of an actor is he? Dude is almost always the best part of any film he's in, even if they're trash. Like, he was the best thing but Ready Player One and that movie was a right clusterf*ck. Mendelsohn in this, is just as brilliant as he was in that, pulling off what no other villain in the MCU forced to wear such heavy face make-up has been able to do; Act. Mendelsohn's  Talos, even caked with an inch of green paint, was never not charismatic and human. Dude was amazing and it kind of paints the MCU into a corner as to how to make these cats terrorists later which is messed up. I was kind of looking forward to Veranke...

The soundtrack for this thing s probably the best since Black Panther. Personally, being of negro descent, I think THAT soundtrack is the best of the MCU. Kendrick created a goddamn masterpiece, man. But I would imagine the more accessible Awesome Mix vol 1 is more the masses speed and, I agree. That sh*t is awesome. I haven't heard all of Vol 2 so I can't comment on that one but, what we got in Captain Marvel, was absolutely wonderful. There's a scene where No Doubt's Just a girl starts playing and it made me smile. It's a little on the nose but still, a great time.

Goose was awesome. I kind of hate that they changed her name from Chewie to Goose, but I get why. Air Force. Top Gun. Danger Zone. Clever. Flerkens and Feminism, man.

Speaking of, the message this movie sends for little girls is amazing. Wonder Woman had kind of the same effect but I think Captain Marvel is the superior film, overall. That and Carol is literally the nuclear deterrent of the MCU. She is, by far, the most powerful hero on the Avengers roster. For it to be a woman? Fantastic! I've seen so many positive affirmations and uplifting testimonials from women about how this movie made them feel. That sh*t is important, man. I'm all about representation in media so to have such a monumental moment being taken in like it should, in spite of such... immature hostility, was great. When I was walking out of the theater, I saw a little girl absolutely gushing about how cool Captain Marvel was and that sh*t legit made me smile. She's a fan for life and might grow up to be the next great creator who makes some pretty cool stuff because she went to see a movie, about a girl who can do some pretty cool stuff. If that sh*t doesn't make you feel good, you're an asshole and need to get off my page, post-haste.

This movie is f*cking gorgeous. Cap's powers translated to the screen brilliantly and even her Binary mode was something to behold. Like, if we ever get a proper, live action, DBZ, they should take note because watching her go super saiyan was f*cking amazing. It kind of sucks she had no one to go super saiyan against. I'd loved to have seen her go up against Ronan and his hammer but nope. Maybe next time? Even more than that, the de-aging effect of Fury was kind of miraculous. Sam Jackson looked younger than his stint as Jules in Pulp Fiction, which is suppose to be out around that time in the film. I was shocked.

The Meh

The supporting cast in this was a little flaccid. They felt more like meat targets than viable characters in this flick. Everyone touted Gemma Chan's Min'Erva as someone to watch but, nope. She didn't do much but sit on a rock/platform and shoot things from distance. The return of Son of Coal? Nope. Like, 4 minutes of Clark Gregg, which sucked. Annette Bening? One of the greatest actresses to ever grace Hollywood? Pulling double duty as a gender swapped Mar-Vell and The Great Intelligence? Nope. She literally just stood or laid around in every one of her scenes. Lee Pace? Man, this didn't even bother giving Ronan the face makeup. Jude Law was Yon-Rogg was completely underused. I think, though, that everyone except Jackson and Brie were underused.

Kind of in that same vein, the overall character development In this was... underwhelming? You never get a feel for who Carol is. Even when she commits to one personae over another, you don't really care. She's dope, overall, but that's more because of her interactions with Fury than any semblance of self realization on her part. Essentially, the weakest part of this film stems from how the writing let the main character down. This thing doesn't look like there was a lot of Marvel Films edicts to bog it down so there should have be a wealth of free range to develop this character. We did not get any of that. Maybe in future films but this one? Nah.

This thing has no idea what it wants to be, where it wants to go, or how it wants to get there. The tonal whiplash in this movie is crazy jarring. The performances and effects do a great job of distracting  you from most of that but, if you're paying attention to the structure of this film, you can see it clearly. There was no path, no consensus, on how to introduce this character and her story. In that regard, this is one of the weakest of the MCU films, for sure.

There are hints of a grander scope in this flick. We saw a bit of Hala. We saw a bit of the Accusers. We learned a bit more about the Kree. The Starforce interactions were awesome. The second we get to earth? All of that out the window. That could be forgiven if what we witnessed on earth was more fleshed-out, more organic, but this was kind of a paint-by-numbers tale. I think that has a lot to do with the direction. Speaking of which...

The Bad

Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck were the wrong people to make this movie. You needed someone with the vision to deliver a massive space opera but focus in on the character struggle and inner conflict of Carol Danvers. You had a great actress to help pull of that vision but the ones trying to guide that performance were out of their depth I think. The pair do a lot of low budget, character driven, indie flicks, and that's fine. Those films have a very specific tone, a very specific line of execution. That type of storytelling does not lend itself to a tent pole MCU film. Sure, Marvel has been great as finding diamonds in the rough to make masterworks out of the mundane (The Russos, James Gunn, Ryan Coogler) but they have also had a lot of misses. Whoever did the first two Thor films, letting Edgar Wright go over creative differences, and now these two cats. I'm not saying they are bad directors but, for this type of film? Horrible choice, I think.

Kind of in that same discussion has to be the mediocrity of the overall writing. The dialogue in some of these interactions was outright awful. Like, anytime Ronan was on screen, I kind of groaned. Anytime Bening had airtime, I rolled my eyes. These excellent actors that I've seen give much better performances in other flicks, had next to nothing to work with in this flick. That can be said about everyone in this movie. I feel like there should have been much more care given to this script considering it's going to be Carol who carries the next Phase of Marvel films.

While I loves the Grrrl power message laced throughout this flick, the way it was delivered seems a little heavy handed at times. That scene where Just A Girl playing? I love that sh*t. But, at the same time, I can see how it could alienate a vast swath of fans. It's ill to me because why shouldn't we celebrate a powerful woman coming into her own? I, personally, don't see anything wrong with it but I'd be considered a cuck by men less than myself and that's who will have an issue with this. Unfortunately, they make up a massive portion of the fanbase who see capeflicks. That being said, even with all of the tirades, tantrums, and review bombs, Cap might break 100 mil, which is great for the franchise and the MCU overall.

There is a real lack of imagination in this movie and I think it goes back to the the choice in directors. I touched on it a little before, but, I mean, you have a galactic space opera, taking place on two planets, with a ludicrously OP, female, protagonist who has amnesia so is an absolute clean slate, and the best you can do is a sun-of-the-mill, fish out of water tale? F*cking really? There are little moments of brilliance here and there but overall, this was underwhelming for 9ne of the most powerful character in Marvel comics.

The Verdict

I really enjoyed Captain Marvel. I thought it was a decent introduction to a character that had, up until very recently, no direction in the lore of the Marvel mythos. This movie has it's issues, for sure, but I think these things can be fixed with a different director, a better script, and much, much, more imagination. I think the biggest issue with this thing is the utter lack of Marvel. It doesn't feel like a Marvel film. It feels like a Marvel film by way of Fox or Sony. This is, more or less, because the character of Captain Marvel is also so wayward. There are a lot of good ideas here and I am convinced Brie Larson can develop into something special, but it's going to take a while.  It's going to take someone with a clear vision for spectacle and respect for character. Thor took a while and Taika Waititi to be great. Strange took a while and the Russos to feel organic. Lang took a while but, I mean, Paul Rudd was awesome from the get. He just shines much. Much better when alongside others. I think going forward, if Feige can find that right balance of creativity and vision in the creatives behind the camera, Captain Marvel will be great. As she is now, just like this movie, she's fun but hollow. Marvel hasn't cracked Captain Marvel just yet but when they do, she'll be absolutely Marvelous. Ultimately, I'd say check it out. It's beautiful, entertaining, and Sam Jackson is always awesome. For a weekend distraction, you can do much worse.

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Just a Girl

So i saw Captain Marvel opening day. I was part of that rush, yes. Cap was one of my most anticipated films of the year for me. She’s actually my fifth favorite Marvel character, second favorite female character. When i heard she was getting a film, i was apprehensive. No one knows who Cap is. They don’t know how powerful she is. Hell, how would that power-set translate to the MCU? When they announced Brie Larson was going to play Carol, i was concerned. Not because Brie is a feminist or man-hater as the less intelligent parts of the internet would like to focus on, but more she didn’t fit the bill for an MCU hero. Larson is an excellent actress, one of my favorite working today. What she ain’t, is charismatic. There’s a different type of energy you need to carry an MCU film and Marvel has done an excellent job of finding people who capture that spirit. Brie has never demonstrated, in any of her roles, an ability to do that. I was super on the fence about this entire situation. I want this film to succeed. I want it to be good. I want Captain Marvel to get he shine she deserves. My fingers were crossed this would be good. And then the less intelligent parts of the internet got to it.

I wrote about this at length in my Captain Controversy post. The thing about Captain Marvel, the thing that i love about her, is the small moments. When she interacts with other characters, she's super on point. In a team dynamic, Carol is amazing. On her own? Not so much. This stems from the fact that the origins of her character are from that whole women lib movement of the 70s. She's a rule 63 of the original Captain Marvel, Mar-Vell. She-Hulk kind of has the same issues but, given proper writing and development, they both shine. Carol, however, has not had the same luck in that department as Jessica and it shows. Throughout the years, as a comic entity, Carol's had, like, three stories that have been dope - all of them occurring in the late 00s until now. Bendis has done a great service in developing Carol into her own, independent, personality and the recent revelations in her new origin, The Life of Captain Marvel, have gone a long way to establishing a future where Captain Marvel can be great. She has a ton of potential to be excellent and I think, as a creator, I am drawn to that aspect of her. Plus, she has had some really dope costumes over the years. Now, I said three good stories because the bulk of Captain Marvel in modern Marvel comics, has, more or less, become a poster child for gender politics and THAT sh*t is whack! That sh*t is why none of the fanboys want to have anything to do with this character. And casting Brie Larson, a very vocal feminist, does not help in any capacity. All of that White Male Outrage has review bombed the f*ck out of this film and I don't think it deserves any of it. I think, removed from all of the butt-hurt Menisists and fragile male egos, there are very real issues with this film. Issues that hinder but never detract. This is why I took so much time before writing this review. I actually wanted to digest what I saw on the screen and try to distance myself from my admitted bias and this weird, sad, unwarranted hate, this flick has been getting. So, with a properly digested understanding of what I saw, here is what I thought about Captain Marvel.

The Good

They changed the opening Marvel title card from MCU events, to all of  Stan Lee's cameos and that sh*t hurt, man. They ended it with “Thank You, Stan.” The entire theater lost it. It's been a few months, but that loss still hurts, man. Marvel Comics means a lot to me and Stan is one of the principal architects. Say what you will about the quality of his character, the strength of his work will stand the test of time.

Speaking of Stan Lee cameos, this is easily his second best after the one he had in Spider-Verse. If you're a 90s kid, or someone who grew up during the 90s, you'll know why. It's f*cking brilliant and I loved it. I bet Kevin Smith did, too.

Sam Jackson knocks it out of the park as usual. His Nick Fury has been the linchpin of the MCU since way back in the Iron Man stinger. You see a lot of who he was before all of the responsibility and SHIELD clout, which was mad refreshing. If we loose RDJ, I think we'll be alright if we can keep Sam around for the occasional pop-in.

I think Brie Larson did fantastic in her first stint as Carol. I mean, with the exception of RDJ and Tom Holland, who f*cking knocked it out of the park as Pete, every other MCU hero needed time to grow and figure out HOW to be those characters. We had, what? Three different Hulks before they hit that sweet spot with Ruffalo? It took Hemsworth four movies before he cracked Thor? Hell, Cummerbund had to have two films and an end credits stinger to get Strange right. What I'm saying is, a lot of what cats are dinging Larson for, will work itself out over time. Especially when she gets into the think of it with everyone else in Endgame. Also, a better script and director would go a long way to helping that growth, as well.

The chemistry between Carol and Nick was wonderful. His movie is a buddy cop flick more so than any other in the MCU so far. I think Carol needs that to play off and, in the comics, she usually has Jessica Drew, Spider-Woman, to do a lot of that with. Considering it looks like the MCU is going in another direction with that, which is a shame because that dynamic would be awesome to see onscreen, what we got with Fury and Danvers was great.

This guy Ben Medelshon? How great of an actor is he? Dude is almost always the best part of any film he's in, even if they're trash. Like, he was the best thing but Ready Player One and that movie was a right clusterf*ck. Mendelsohn in this, is just as brilliant as he was in that, pulling off what no other villain in the MCU forced to wear such heavy face make-up has been able to do; Act. Mendelsohn's  Talos, even caked with an inch of green paint, was never not charismatic and human. Dude was amazing and it kind of paints the MCU into a corner as to how to make these cats terrorists later which is messed up. I was kind of looking forward to Veranke...

The soundtrack for this thing s probably the best since Black Panther. Personally, being of negro descent, I think THAT soundtrack is the best of the MCU. Kendrick created a goddamn masterpiece, man. But I would imagine the more accessible Awesome Mix vol 1 is more the masses speed and, I agree. That sh*t is awesome. I haven't heard all of Vol 2 so I can't comment on that one but, what we got in Captain Marvel, was absolutely wonderful. There's a scene where No Doubt's Just a girl starts playing and it made me smile. It's a little on the nose but still, a great time.

Goose was awesome. I kind of hate that they changed her name from Chewie to Goose, but I get why. Air Force. Top Gun. Danger Zone. Clever. Flerkens and Feminism, man.

Speaking of, the message this movie sends for little girls is amazing. Wonder Woman had kind of the same effect but I think Captain Marvel is the superior film, overall. That and Carol is literally the nuclear deterrent of the MCU. She is, by far, the most powerful hero on the Avengers roster. For it to be a woman? Fantastic! I've seen so many positive affirmations and uplifting testimonials from women about how this movie made them feel. That sh*t is important, man. I'm all about representation in media so to have such a monumental moment being taken in like it should, in spite of such... immature hostility, was great. When I was walking out of the theater, I saw a little girl absolutely gushing about how cool Captain Marvel was and that sh*t legit made me smile. She's a fan for life and might grow up to be the next great creator who makes some pretty cool stuff because she went to see a movie, about a girl who can do some pretty cool stuff. If that sh*t doesn't make you feel good, you're an asshole and need to get off my page, post-haste.

This movie is f*cking gorgeous. Cap's powers translated to the screen brilliantly and even her Binary mode was something to behold. Like, if we ever get a proper, live action, DBZ, they should take note because watching her go super saiyan was f*cking amazing. It kind of sucks she had no one to go super saiyan against. I'd loved to have seen her go up against Ronan and his hammer but nope. Maybe next time? Even more than that, the de-aging effect of Fury was kind of miraculous. Sam Jackson looked younger than his stint as Jules in Pulp Fiction, which is suppose to be out around that time in the film. I was shocked.

The Meh

The supporting cast in this was a little flaccid. They felt more like meat targets than viable characters in this flick. Everyone touted Gemma Chan's Min'Erva as someone to watch but, nope. She didn't do much but sit on a rock/platform and shoot things from distance. The return of Son of Coal? Nope. Like, 4 minutes of Clark Gregg, which sucked. Annette Bening? One of the greatest actresses to ever grace Hollywood? Pulling double duty as a gender swapped Mar-Vell and The Great Intelligence? Nope. She literally just stood or laid around in every one of her scenes. Lee Pace? Man, this didn't even bother giving Ronan the face makeup. Jude Law was Yon-Rogg was completely underused. I think, though, that everyone except Jackson and Brie were underused.

Kind of in that same vein, the overall character development In this was... underwhelming? You never get a feel for who Carol is. Even when she commits to one personae over another, you don't really care. She's dope, overall, but that's more because of her interactions with Fury than any semblance of self realization on her part. Essentially, the weakest part of this film stems from how the writing let the main character down. This thing doesn't look like there was a lot of Marvel Films edicts to bog it down so there should have be a wealth of free range to develop this character. We did not get any of that. Maybe in future films but this one? Nah.

This thing has no idea what it wants to be, where it wants to go, or how it wants to get there. The tonal whiplash in this movie is crazy jarring. The performances and effects do a great job of distracting  you from most of that but, if you're paying attention to the structure of this film, you can see it clearly. There was no path, no consensus, on how to introduce this character and her story. In that regard, this is one of the weakest of the MCU films, for sure.

There are hints of a grander scope in this flick. We saw a bit of Hala. We saw a bit of the Accusers. We learned a bit more about the Kree. The Starforce interactions were awesome. The second we get to earth? All of that out the window. That could be forgiven if what we witnessed on earth was more fleshed-out, more organic, but this was kind of a paint-by-numbers tale. I think that has a lot to do with the direction. Speaking of which...

The Bad

Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck were the wrong people to make this movie. You needed someone with the vision to deliver a massive space opera but focus in on the character struggle and inner conflict of Carol Danvers. You had a great actress to help pull of that vision but the ones trying to guide that performance were out of their depth I think. The pair do a lot of low budget, character driven, indie flicks, and that's fine. Those films have a very specific tone, a very specific line of execution. That type of storytelling does not lend itself to a tent pole MCU film. Sure, Marvel has been great as finding diamonds in the rough to make masterworks out of the mundane (The Russos, James Gunn, Ryan Coogler) but they have also had a lot of misses. Whoever did the first two Thor films, letting Edgar Wright go over creative differences, and now these two cats. I'm not saying they are bad directors but, for this type of film? Horrible choice, I think.

Kind of in that same discussion has to be the mediocrity of the overall writing. The dialogue in some of these interactions was outright awful. Like, anytime Ronan was on screen, I kind of groaned. Anytime Bening had airtime, I rolled my eyes. These excellent actors that I've seen give much better performances in other flicks, had next to nothing to work with in this flick. That can be said about everyone in this movie. I feel like there should have been much more care given to this script considering it's going to be Carol who carries the next Phase of Marvel films.

While I loves the Grrrl power message laced throughout this flick, the way it was delivered seems a little heavy handed at times. That scene where Just A Girl playing? I love that sh*t. But, at the same time, I can see how it could alienate a vast swath of fans. It's ill to me because why shouldn't we celebrate a powerful woman coming into her own? I, personally, don't see anything wrong with it but I'd be considered a cuck by men less than myself and that's who will have an issue with this. Unfortunately, they make up a massive portion of the fanbase who see capeflicks. That being said, even with all of the tirades, tantrums, and review bombs, Cap might break 100 mil, which is great for the franchise and the MCU overall.

There is a real lack of imagination in this movie and I think it goes back to the the choice in directors. I touched on it a little before, but, I mean, you have a galactic space opera, taking place on two planets, with a ludicrously OP, female, protagonist who has amnesia so is an absolute clean slate, and the best you can do is a sun-of-the-mill, fish out of water tale? F*cking really? There are little moments of brilliance here and there but overall, this was underwhelming for 9ne of the most powerful character in Marvel comics.

The Verdict

I really enjoyed Captain Marvel. I thought it was a decent introduction to a character that had, up until very recently, no direction in the lore of the Marvel mythos. This movie has it's issues, for sure, but I think these things can be fixed with a different director, a better script, and much, much, more imagination. I think the biggest issue with this thing is the utter lack of Marvel. It doesn't feel like a Marvel film. It feels like a Marvel film by way of Fox or Sony. This is, more or less, because the character of Captain Marvel is also so wayward. There are a lot of good ideas here and I am convinced Brie Larson can develop into something special, but it's going to take a while.  It's going to take someone with a clear vision for spectacle and respect for character. Thor took a while and Taika Waititi to be great. Strange took a while and the Russos to feel organic. Lang took a while but, I mean, Paul Rudd was awesome from the get. He just shines much. Much better when alongside others. I think going forward, if Feige can find that right balance of creativity and vision in the creatives behind the camera, Captain Marvel will be great. As she is now, just like this movie, she's fun but hollow. Marvel hasn't cracked Captain Marvel just yet but when they do, she'll be absolutely Marvelous. Ultimately, I'd say check it out. It's beautiful, entertaining, and Sam Jackson is always awesome. For a weekend distraction, you can do much worse.

[placetobenation]

Hey kids – Paul Bernardo here and this week was quite eventful with the Emmys and a lot more tidbits to share. Join me here every week for the good news in entertainment. 

END OF THE DARK CRYSTAL

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance has been cancelled by Netflix after only a single season. 

“We can confirm that there will not be an additional season of The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance,” said Lisa Henson, executive producer. “We know fans are eager to learn how this chapter of The Dark Crystal saga concludes and we’ll look for ways to tell that story in the future. Our company has a legacy of creating rich and complex worlds that require technical innovation, artistic excellence, and masterful storytelling. Our history also includes productions that are enduring, often finding and growing their audience over time and proving again and again that fantasy and science fiction genres reflect eternal messages and truths that are always relevant. We are so grateful to Netflix for trusting us to realize this ambitious series; we are deeply proud of our work on Age of Resistance, and the acclaim it has received from fans, critics and our peers, most recently receiving an Emmy for Outstanding Children’s Program.”

In other words, Lisa Henson is saying – “I suck, I’m nowhere near as good as my brother Brian Henson, and he sucks too. Sorry”

Yes I saw the show, and yes I hated it. It had no heart and no joy and felt like a big money machine turning about. Nothing about it was interesting, even though the puppets looked exactly like the movie, as did Augra and the sets, but that’s about all it had in common with Jim Henson’s vision. 

Once again, either it’s Disney or Henson’s family – they are trying to duplicate the magic of Henson without having a clue what his work was about or what it stood for. Like i said about Star Wars, it’s amazing how many people can get it wrong. 

SCHITT’S CREEK IS MOVING

Pop TV belongs to the family of ViacomCBS, and so ViacomCBS is going to air the program on the more visible sister channel, Comedy Central. After it’s historic sweep at the Emmy’s, Schitt’s Creek is moving on up to take it’s bow in the limelight. 

EMMY WINNERS

Ok, so viewership of the Emmy’s was down this year – it’s the year of Covid – nobody showed up, what did you expect? Anyway it’s not about viewership points – it’s about Schitt’s Creek – sweeping their category and winning 9 Emmy’s, the most ever for a comedy series. The show does have two legends at the helm who have been at it for a very long time and are amazing collaborators. Catherine O’Hara and Eugene Levy have been winning awards and making people laugh since the day TV was invented. Eugene’s son Daniel Levy and Annie Murphy round out the winners along with best writing, best casting, best costumes, best directing and maybe a few more. 

John Candy was a big fan and collaborator with Eugene and I sure wish he were alive to see this amazing triumph from his best friend. Still breaks my heart that big kahuna is gone. 

Anyway – HBO wins 30, Netflix 21, Apple TV gets 2 as does Quibi, so that’s embarrassing. Adult Swim gets 4, NBC 8, Disney+ 8, ABC 5, CBS 2. No big surprises, except CBS getting 2, that’s kind of really bad. 

Euphoria gets 3 wins, Watchmen 11, Succession 7, Mandalorian 6. SNL 6, Last Week Tonight, 4.  No Bill Mahr, and he is slipping for sure. I thought Mandalorian would get more since it has revolutionized how tv is shot and made with it’s 3D movie studio – but maybe next year people will realize what it’s done. It’s so good it’s like Led Zeppelin, people really aren’t ready to embrace it or understand it yet. 

Eddie Murphy won an Emmy for hosting SNL after 30 years of being away. That’s more like a “please come back again” nod from the industry. I am proud of Euphoria because it took so many chances and pulled off all those risks very well with maturity and artistry and honesty. I am glad the show got rewarded for it. 

Watchmen was a huge undertaking by HBO. The movie by Zack Snyder was put under a microscope since the comic book is so dearly loved. Honestly, HBO put a huge amount of thought into it, the story was amazing, and heavy hitting as we expect from such a wealth of profound and heavy material.

Regina King was sublime in it, as was Jeffrey Irons and the rest of the cast. I loved everything about it from the costumes to the plot to the dialogue to how everything unfolded brilliantly until the very end. On one hand you hope it continues – but on the other hand the ending was so good- you kind of don’t want it to continue. 

RuPaul’s Drag Race won again, 6 times. I think this is the fifth year Rupaul won an Emmy for his show. I mean, the category is reality competition shows – so the bar is not exactly set high, but still – glad he continues on his winning streak. 

This year snubs really weren’t snubs for me – they were just series that were long in the tooth and have had their time. Curb Your Enthusiasm just didn’t work in the Trump Era – already too much hate in the world to find Larry David funny right now. Ms. Maisel was shut out, she had her time in the sun when streaming platforms were new and exciting. Dead To Me, Kominsky Method, What We Do In The Shadows and The Good Place were also all shut out. Again, they all had their day and now with so much material coming out at such a face pace, they were just simply yesterday’s news. 

PRE-GoT NEWS!!

During this Emmy thing – we got some news about the prequel to GoT!! It is called House of the Dragon, and casting is underway. That’s it – but isn’t that enough?! Let’s hope they don’t botch this one up!!

The Hulk Wins An Emmy!

Mark Ruffalo won for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie with his role in I Know This Much is True which aired on HBO. He played two roles, brothers Dominick Birdsey and Thomas Birdsey. Mark gave them subtle but very noticeable differences and played them both brilliantly. Another actor in this show that I thought was fantastic was Rosie O’Donnell who played their social worker. Rosie brought a pain and a seriousness to a role that rivaled Mark’s characters. She was amazing and I just wish she got recognized somehow for doing an amazing job in a tough role, in a very serious and tragic series. 

MICHAEL JORDAN SHOOTS AND SCORES!

Michael Jordan wins his very first Emmy with the amazing documentary The Last Dance. Jordan beat out The Tiger King to win Outstanding Documentary or Nonfiction Series. Tiger King was extremely popular, even had actors begging on Twitter to be cast in it, but Jordan as always, wins out. 

Jordan has always had a thing with winning, and what he accomplished in the NBA is unmatched, unparalleled and simply historic. 6 Championships, taking a year off to go play baseball, then come back, get back into shape, and win some more rings. Players feared Jordan, even in practice, if you did not give it your all, he would hound you and make your life miserable. Jordan and his talent, his motivation and his desire to win and pull a team up to join him, may never be seen in sport again, let alone in the NBA. 

What that man did has never been done before or since. You can do a series on Magic, Larry, Bill Russell, Iverson, Kobe, anybody – and Jordan’s story, will to win, and accomplishments will continue to reign above them all, just like he did on the court. 

Thanks for reading – see ya next Thursday!