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stervrucht · 11 days

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Click here for part 2 or read this on AO3

Eddie is hot-wiring the RV when he should have noticed. The signs were there, clear as day. If only he had paid attention then.

The air is musky and unfamiliar — it smells like other people.

Like something stolen.

Steve asks him where he learned how to hot-wire as he leans over Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie’s movements are hurried as he cuts the wires and strips them to expose the copper within.

Steve is still wearing Eddie’s jean jacket over his naked torso and leans in closely. Eddie can feel the heat of his skin settle in the leather of his jacket and it seeps into his skin like ink on paper.

The RV smells familiar, like when he was younger and his dad took him along, teaching him how to steal a car. The smell of copper meeting copper.

Nostalgia. But not in a good way.

Steve is not backing off, not even after Eddie shoots back an uncomfortable fact about his negligent father. In fact, Robin joins in on the fun. She leans over Steve, looking worried as she asks whether Eddie will be the one driving.

Eddie feels antsy and needs something to take the edge off. Maybe a smoke. But there is no time right now. The thrill of messing with someone is the next best thing.

He knows an opportunity when he sees one and turns his head.

“Harrington's got her” – Eddie leans in close, his breath hot on Steve’s cheek – “Don’t ya, big boy?”

A playful smile.

Every normal person would have pulled back by now, but Steve remains unmoved. He regards him with dark eyes and dark lashes. There is no betrayal of emotion. No betrayal of anything amiss.

He doesn’t even flinch.

***

The second time it happens they are hanging out at Robin’s house while her parents are out of town.

It’s a strange mix of company, consisting mostly of people from band. Eddie recognizes some of them, although he doesn’t know them by name. Music is music, regardless of whether you are in the school band or play in an actual band – although the latter is way cooler, obviously – and Eddie finds himself actually enjoying the company of some of them.

Eddie realizes he rambles too much when his mouth runs dry. He takes a final sip from his beer, crumples the can, and makes his way to the kitchen with a swagger in his step.

The kitchen is semi-crowded and Eddie spots an untouched six-pack on the kitchen counter. As he pulls out a can, he feels a weight settles next to him. Eddie turns, beer in hand, and leans against the counter.

He realizes it is Steve.

Steve acknowledges him with a simple nod and Eddie raises his unopened beer to him in a silent toast.

He side-eyes Steve as he cracks open his beer, the hiss loud in his hands.

Steve’s presence is like a loose thread and Eddie feels the irresistible urge to pick at it.

To elicit a reaction.

To make Steve squirm.

He leans in closer until his shoulder is pressed against Steve's and their thighs touch.

Eddie fidgets with the can lip as he waits for the inevitable reaction of uneasiness. It usually doesn’t take long.

Steve remains still.

Eddie shifts his weight, pressing himself closer to Steve’s side.

This was his little game and he always won. For more than a year now, Eddie had been the undisputed king of personal space invasion.

There was something so empowering – so utterly bone-tingling – about the way people’s shoulders would grow tense, how they shifted to create some distance without making it seem intentional.

Eddie reveled in it.

Steve casually sips his beer, seemingly unaware of the fact that they are too fucking close. He takes his sweet time staring through the open kitchen door into the living room.

Taking in the people around him.

Totally, utterly unaffected.

Eddie taps his foot on the floor as he feels himself grow restless. He can’t believe Steve is so oblivious — or maybe he is fine with it — but there is no way he can’t notice that the way they are standing is just…not normal.

The music seems to synchronize with his thoughts.

He is about to lose his own game if Steve doesn’t move soon.

“Steve!” Robin bursts into the kitchen.

Her dark-lined eyes are wide and she looks flustered as she makes her way over to Steve’s side.

Eddie thinks she looks pretty cute, although a bit of an odd match for Steve. He had always figured someone like Steve would end up with a cheerleader or some perfectly prissy blonde. Robin is a little nerdy, her style bordering on alternative, and she is anything but prissy. Eddie would go as far as to call her a decent choice.

But Robin just didn’t suit Steve in a way Eddie could hardly put his finger on.

Steve shifts his weight and leans more towards Robin.

Eddie feels his shoulders tense in a way that has nothing to do with the fact he is about to become the once-defeated king of personal space invasion.

Absolutely not.

Robin casts Eddie a quick look before making up her mind and then the floodgates open. She is whispering at such a rate, Eddie would be surprised if she was speaking English at all. He catches bits and pieces. A name. Ricky ?

He drums his fingers along his beer as he tries not to focus on the fact that, due to Steve’s turning, his ass is currently brushing against Eddie’s thigh with every small movement he makes.

Only when Robin pulls Steve to the living room does Eddie feel like he can breathe again.

Eddie realizes Steve is a tough nut to crack.

***

Robin insists Eddie must join them for movie night.

Somehow, Eddie has become a third to the dynamic duo — although he has a feeling he’ll never get as close to either Robin or Steve as they are to each other.

They aren’t dating, Robin told him — insisted on it — when he had made the assumption, and somehow Eddie likes that.

He likes the fact that Steve and Robin are just friends. It makes him feel like he fits in better, even if it will never be at that level.

That’s fine with Eddie.

He’s not a close-friendship kinda guy anyway. He has friends for D&D, friends from the band, and now he also has friends with whom he shares a strange supernatural trauma.

Each in its own little corner, as all things should be.

Although his relationship with Robin is far better than that with Steve, he wouldn’t say they are on bad terms. He just feels very… judged by Steve. And it may have something to do with the way he dresses — the polar opposite of Steve — all black leather, ripped jeans, and silver.

Or the fact that Dustin apparently won’t stop talking about him and Eddie is pretty sure it makes Steve jealous.

Robin and Steve work at Family Video. It’s strangely adorable, the idea that these two idiots even work together. It’s hard to believe they aren’t dating, but whatever floats their boat. Eddie wouldn’t be surprised to be invited to their platonic spring wedding.

They’re weird like that.

Family Video comes with a nice bonus; they can take the new arrivals home once the store closes for the night. It's a neat perk of the job, Eddie supposes, although he isn’t much of a film guy. He sometimes watches them for inspiration when it comes to a new D&D campaign, but good films are far and few between when it comes to his tastes.

When Eddie walks up to the house, one of Steve’s neighbors eyes him suspiciously and Eddie resists the urge to flip her off. Instead, he balls his firsts and stomps a little more aggressively towards the door, hoping it will make the lady clutch her pearls.

Hawkins is a small town and people talk.

Steve’s fancy little neighborhood is even smaller.

“Hey, man.” Steve opens the door and steps aside to let him through.

“He’s finally here?” Eddie hears Robin call from somewhere in the house.

Steve asks if he wants a beer and leaves for what is presumably the kitchen. Eddie is left alone and looks around the living room. It is large, but only the three-seat sofa faces the TV. Besides that, there are two chairs facing the seating area and Eddie finds it an absurd amount of sitting surface for a family of three.

Eddie sits on one side of the sofa and plays with the rings on his fingers as he waits for either Robin or Steve to return. The silver skull disappears and reappears maybe five times before Robin walks in carrying a bag. Only a moment later Steve returns with three bottles of beer. The good stuff, Eddie notes. Not whatever has to pass for beer back at the trailer.

Robin empties the bag on the floor in front of the TV and rummages through some VHS tapes, holding them up while Steve comments.

“We’ve seen that one last week — I can’t stand to see her face again — Fine, fine, let’s go with that one.”

Eddie is fine with anything because he will most likely think it's trash anyway — especially if Steve has a say in it.

Steve lets himself fall in the middle of the sofa while Robin works on the VHS player. Eddie feels like there is plenty of room on the other side of the sofa where Robin will take her seat and he wonders if Steve is challenging him for his title as King of Personal Space Invasion.

Such a greedy boy, Eddie thinks. After all, Steve already had one ‘king’ title to his name and he should leave some for the rest of them.

“Have you heard of this one yet?” Steve asks as he slings his arms over the back of the couch. Eddie feels the ghost of his hand linger behind his neck. Steve is playing on the offensive here and Eddie feels himself growing flustered.

“Remind me what this abomination is called again?”

Steve scoffs in disagreement with Eddie’s assessment. “Ferris Bueller’s day off. Right up your alley.”

“And why is that?”

“It’s about a guy playing hooky. I recall missing you from class every now and then.” Steve gives him a knowing smile.

Robin joins them on the sofa. She rests her back on the armrest with her legs against Steve’s thighs. She probably doesn’t realize that she is effectively pressing Steve further into Eddie.

“Oh, you recall huh? I didn’t know I was disappointing my fans,” Eddie tries to keep his tone light and shifts in his seat.

Steve responds with a small chuckle but any further responses are drowned out by the sound of the movie starting.

Eddie can’t seem to make himself comfortable and he feels it has everything to do with Harrington’s startling audacity to be so physically present. Around the halfway point of the movie, Robin moves herself in a lying position with her legs over Steve’s lap. Eddie looks down on her socked feet as they move mindlessly in tune with the soundtrack.

In some ways, Ferris Bueller reminds Eddie of Steve with his floppy hair, enigmatic personality, and the way everything just works out for him.

Perfect Ferris with his stupidly gorgeous girlfriend.

The place where his thigh touches Steve itches for him to move it, but Eddie keeps still. Eddie is cool, he can handle this.

This. Whatever Steve is doing.

That is until he feels Steve’s hand droop down from the backrest and settles itself in his neck. Eddie feels his breath catch in his throat, a soft gasp escapes his lips — too soft to hear.

Unless you sat currently plastered to his side, that is.

From the corner of his eye, Eddie can see Steve shoot him a curious glance.

There is no way Steve doesn’t know what he is doing.

No way.

***

Eddie squats down in front of the sci-fi wall. He does this more often now — hanging out at Family Video when Steve and Robin are working.

Whenever he’s bored or has nothing better to do, he somehow finds himself there.

He sometimes wonders if he’s imposing himself. Inserting himself into their friendship.

But both Robin and Steve greet him with smiles.

They welcome him into their little world and it makes Eddie a little weak.

Eddie is used to feeling unwanted. An outsider. A freak. This type of friendship is new to him and he hasn’t been able to give it a proper place in his mind yet — like a fresh layer of paint still sticky to the touch.

He goes there often.

He’s there so often that people sometimes confuse him for an employee, asking him questions about where to find stuff. Eddie always points them in the wrong direction, even though by now he knows the shop by heart.

Mainstream films are always displayed at eye height. Easy to reach — it’s what most people come here for. But not Eddie. Those types of films hardly interest him, even though he will watch them with Robin and Steve during their movie nights ( Our movie nights). He does so because they like it and he likes their company.

The good stuff is always at the bottom.

He feels Steve before he hears him — the weight of his legs on Eddie’s back.

Steve starts restocking above him and Eddie’s mind is screaming. Steve has no regard for the fact that Eddie had been there first. He stocks the shelf, reaching over Eddie’s head.

Leaning his weight into him.

Steve’s proximity makes Eddie nervous. Makes the necks of his hair stand up on end.

It makes him crave more. But that’s a thought he shoves away, deep.

On the small TV from the ceiling, Back to the Future is playing and Eddie can hear Marty McFly declare, “Nobody calls me a chicken!”

Eddie won’t be a chicken either.

***

It's unbearably hot, and Eddie is certain he'll perish if he stays another second in Wayne's trailer. The insulation is poor, and the metal shell traps the punishing heat of the heatwave, making it impossible for even the coolness of the night to offer any relief.

Eddie hasn’t slept well for days.

He is fanning himself with a trashy magazine when the phone rings and it’s Steve’s voice on the other end.

Steve’s parents have air conditioning and a pool and Eddie would be an idiot to refuse an invitation to a Harrington-exclusive pool party.

He arrives at Steve’s house wearing a Dio shirt over his swimming trunks. Style be damned, Eddie just wants to have the least amount of layers to shed before he can hit the pool.

Steve’s garden is big. The pool is big. It smells like chlorine and sunscreen and the sound of loud splashing echoos against the house.

Lucas and Dustin are in some sort of competition to see who can drown who the fastest. Max and El are cheering them on, although Max seems much more invested in Dustin’s untimely death than El, who is cheering for them both from the side of the pool.

On one of the sun chairs, Mike and Will are huddled together — hair wet and knees pressed together. They are reading a comic of some sort, discussing it in hushed voices. They don’t seem the types for rough-housing. Of the boys he knew, Mike always seemed the most reserved.

And a bit cranky, though less so now that Will and El were back in Hawkins.

Next to them, Robin rubs sunscreen on herself. She’s pale and freckled — the type of skin that burns easily. Eddie is the same, pale but without the freckles. He should probably mooch some off her soon.

Sunlight is bad for tattoos.

“You runnin’ a daycare here, Harrington?” Eddie greets as he saunters into the backyard.

He doesn’t ring the bell, not anymore. He’s been over at Steve’s house a couple of times now and the backdoor is always unlocked.

Steve sits in a hammock, dressed in swimming trunks and reading a magazine with a car on the front. He looks up when he hears Eddie and unapologetically smiles at him.

“Eddie!” Dustin calls out when he notices him. He tries to swim to the edge of the pool but is promptly intercepted and tackled by Lucas. While Dustin is busy drowning, Eddie loses his shirt and shoes. The moment the boy rears his curly head above water, Eddie launches himself in front of them, splashing water in their eyes.

Dustin shrieks, wiping at his eyes and Lucas releases him in the violence of Eddie’s attack.

“You little shitheads better swim fast.” Eddie grins as Lucas and Dustin scatter in the pool.

Eddie finally feels cool after three full days of overheating.

“I should’ve come here sooner,” Eddie says, hair dripping wet, as he sits at the other end of the hammock. Steve protests as Eddie’s feet hit his magazine.

“You’re dripping all over my read, dude!”

Steve’s frowns at him, but in a way that he doesn’t really mean it. Eddie sees him do it to the kids as well when they’re pushing boundaries.

Like Steve should be mad, but he actually finds it humorous.

They’re a tangle of legs and the hammock hangs low to the ground. It’s not made for two adult men, Eddie knows, but it feels more fun this way.

Besides his precious car mag, Steve doesn’t comment on it. He settles comfortably and continues reading, even when Eddie’s water-streaked legs poke him in his side.

Steve only swats at Eddie’s feet when he pushes the magazine closed. The silence between them is comfortable and only intercepted by the endless squabbling of the kids.

When the sun sinks behind the trees, Steve leaves the hammock to fire up the grill.

Eddie watches lazily as Steve puts an apron over his naked torso and swimming trunks. He ties the apron over the hollow of his back. Warm skin, slightly tanned, with a little mole to the left.

“Quit drooling, dingus.” Robin settles herself in Steve’s old place.

“I wasn’t—”

“Right.” Robin smiles at him and it's so gentle that Eddie forgets to be snarky. The hammock swings slightly from Robin’s addition, but it doesn’t drip as deep as when Steve sat there.

They all eat together. All the kids, Steve, Robin, and Eddie.

A strange feeling settles in Eddie’s heart as he looks around him.

This must be what family is supposed to feel like.

Safe. Comfortable.

Belonging.

“You can stay the night,” Steve says once they’re back in the hammock. Dusk has settled in and Eddie can only barely make out the expression on Steve's face.

Around him, the sound of crickets embraces the night and their skin smells like citronella to ward off mosquitos.

Nancy and Jonathan had picked up the kids. Only Robin remained, but she had since claimed the guest room.

The air is still warm, but Steve’s legs against his own are warmer. Eddie looks up at the sky where stars linger in the violet absence of the sun.

“We could stay out here.” Eddie stretches his arms behind his head. “Anything better than the trailer.”

“Hold on.”

Steve ungracefully lifts himself from the hammock, leaving it to swing in its wake.

He returns with a light blanket and settles himself back in the hammock. Legs entangling once more before he throws it over the both of them.

Eddie pokes Steve’s cheek with his toe and unsurprisingly, Steve has no reaction to it. It seems that way no matter what Eddie does.

“You ever slept out here before?” Eddie asks while he settles his foot back at Steve’s side.

“When I was a kid,” Steve begins, “I sometimes build a little tent in the garden from cushions and the like. My parents allowed me to sleep there in the summer if it was warm enough. It’d be covered in mosquito bites the next morning, but it felt like an adventure.” Eddie hears Steve’s smile in his voice.

“Sucks to be a mosquito tonight. We smell like shit,” Eddie quips. The lemony smell of citronella is piercing and it sears itself into his memory as much as it does his skin.

Steve nudges his leg into Eddie’s. The hairs of it tickle his skin.

“You ever slept outside?”

“Hm…once a few years back. Got in a fight with Wayne and trailers aren’t very big. I walked out and slept by a tree. The next morning when I walked back I saw a snake coiled up on the ground with a footstep in it. Made me never want to sleep outside again.” Eddie chuckles.

“Shit, a snake?”

“Not a venomous one.”

“Did you step on it?”

“I think so. Poor fucker.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t sleep out here then,” Steve says. In the darkness Eddie can see him turn his head to scan the ground, looking for snakes presumably.

Eddie follows Steve upstairs. He didn’t bring a change of clothes as he didn’t anticipate staying.

He has never been in Steve’s room before and he takes a moment to take in.

The plaid walls with matching drapes, the framed picture of a car on the wall — It’s like Steve's parents bought his room straight from a folder and Steve’s absence from it feels loud.

Hideously impersonal.

Not at all like Steve.

“Robin has the guest room. That only leaves the couch, but trust me, it will break your back—” Steve says as he clears some clothes off his bed. “ — so I thought we could share. It will be a bit of a tight squeeze…” Steve looks at the bed with his hands on his hips.

Eddie knows he should take the couch. It would be the polite thing to do. The problem is, Eddie hasn’t been polite since he was seven.

“Yeah, sure.” Eddie tries to keep his tone cool.

This is like playing chicken on steroids. But maybe this will be the moment Eddie can finally win from the unflappable Steve.

Steve turns back to Eddie and gives him a once-over.

Suddenly, he feels very naked, standing there in just his swimwear. Steve nods to himself, coming to a silent conclusion as he turns to his drawers.

“Here.” He hands Eddie a pair of boxers. “For sleeping.”

Eddie takes them, grateful, but it's also kinda fucking weird to be wearing Steve’s boxers.

“I’m gonna hit the shower real quick. There’s another bathroom down the hall. You can just take one of the towels. I’ll show you.”

Hot water hits Eddie’s skin and he closes his eyes as the scent of Citronella slowly dilutes until it’s gone altogether.

He – Eddie freaking Munson — would be sharing a bed with Steve Harrington. Wasn’t that a wild thought? Definitely not something he’d imagined when he sat at the back of the class, three years prior, staring at the back of Steve’s perfect hair.

Neither had he thought that Steve would be immune to his little proximity game.

Nor that Eddie could grow to tolerate Steve’s — or maybe even grow to like it.

Life is a fucking riot.

When he walks back into Steve’s room, clad in baby-blue cotton boxers, Steve is already in bed. When he hears Eddie enter, he scoots over, making space.

Eddie settles in beside him, on his back, staring at the ceiling.

“Good night, dude,” Steve says as he leans over Eddie to turn off the light. Eddie can smell his deodorant and unfamiliar shampoo, and Steve’s skin radiates heat where it touches him.

Eddie can feel his heartbeat in his throat. It thumps so insistently, he is sure Steve must feel the bed move with it. But if he does, he doesn’t show it.

Eddie turns to his side, facing away from Steve. When they’re both on their sides, the bed feels bigger, but that doesn’t stop the scent of it from engulfing him in a tight embrace. It smells like Steve.

Everywhere.

Clinging to his skin.

Sinking into his pores.

He can feel Steve shift behind him, moving his head closer to the shared pillow until he feels Steve’s nose in his neck and his arms against his back.

His breath hitches in his throat and Eddie tries not to make a sound when he feels Steve’s lips against his neck as he lets out a sleepy sigh.

Nobody calls me a chicken, he hears Marty McFly echo in his mind.

Eddie isn’t sure who is playing who right now. Click here for part 2 or read this on AO3

#steddie fanfic #steddie fanfiction #steddie fic #steve x eddie #steddie #my fics #proximity_fic

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sandandjello · 1 year

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Bodega R50 Cooler Review: A 12-Volt, 45-Liter Smart Refrigerator and Freezer That's Perfect for Long Trips, Camping, and RV Use

Bodega R50 Cooler Review: A 12-Volt, 45-Liter Smart Refrigerator and Freezer That’s Perfect for Long Trips, Camping, and RV Use

Whether on a long road trip or camping for a long weekend, keeping food fresh is imperative to help save money and make the journey enjoyable. The Bodega R50 Cooler is a 45-liter refrigerator-freezer option packed with features that make it an excellent addition to an RV or vehicle. The R50 runs off of 12v/24v power, so it should be easy to use on the go. (more…)

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#Camping Gear #Kitchen and Bar Gear #Misc Gear #RV Gear

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campervanoutpost · 2 years

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AIWFL Motor Home External Folding Dining Table, RV Folding Table, Small Folding Camper Table RV Folding Kitchen Table with LED Light Camper Van Exterior Wall Table, RV Picnic Load-Bearing Side Table

AIWFL Motor Home External Folding Dining Table, RV Folding Table, Small Folding Camper Table RV Folding Kitchen Table with LED Light Camper Van Exterior Wall Table, RV Picnic Load-Bearing Side Table Product Description & Features: 【Dimensions】-Folding size: 31.5’L’x17.7”W x 1.04”H,Desktop size: 28.03”L x 14.25”W x 0.75”H 【Unique Design】-This RV folding table is equipped with LED lights and…

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#-RV #AIWFL #Camper #camper van accessories #Conversion #Dining #exterior #External #Folding #Home #kitchen #LED #Light #Load-Bearing #Motor #Picnic #Side #Small #Table #van.#Wall #with

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loveinhawkins · 2 months

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ao3

A gnawing sense of foreboding creeps up on Steve as they head to Eddie’s trailer, armed with weapons.

He tries to outrun it through action: ensuring he’s the first one to go through the Gate; jumping back and forth between The Upside Down and their world whenever someone forgets something, “It’s okay, I’ve got it!”; triple checking that the cables for Eddie’s amps are long enough; searching for the slightest thing than seizing upon it with an enthusiasm bordering on desperate, “Hey, we could use this, right? Better take it, just in case.”

But that only works for so long, and then Steve’s just standing in Eddie’s kitchen, the real one, staring blankly at the cupboards, all out of distractions.

Out of time.

He hears a grunt of exertion behind him, then an unsteady landing, a muffled curse. Eddie.

“Jesus Christ, Steve. Wanted to fit your aerobics routine in?”

He’s teasing, so light-hearted despite it all; Steve can’t stand it.

Keeps his back turned, gut twisting, opening the cupboards then slamming them shut, thump, thump. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for. He never has.

“Uh, so I was thinking,” Eddie continues, like Steve’s not doing anything weird, “that I could stretch out the, um, the song? My playing? Could buy you some more time, anyway.”

“Sure, great,” Steve says shortly.

He thinks—with a numb kind of calm—that he’s going to be sick.

He gets to the bathroom, tries to shut the door, but his grip slips on the handle.

Turns on the faucet, scoops cold water from his hands into his mouth, and it helps until it doesn’t, until he’s almost choking on it, and he’s been here before, the feeling familiar: a shadow looming over him, just waiting, waiting, and he knows it’ll pass, it always does, but he can’t stop thinking of Robin, it might not work out for us this time, and what if, what if—

He can hear Eddie knocking on the doorframe, just out of view—as if he’d seen Steve’s failed attempt at shutting the door and wanted to respect it.

“Hey, man, you okay?” Then Eddie mutters to himself, “Obviously not, get a fucking clue.”

Steve’s laugh is strangled but real. He wipes his mouth dry and shuts off the water.

“You don’t need to talk to a wall, dude,” he says.

And Eddie steps into view, leans against the open door. His eyes flicker across Steve’s face, and Steve doesn’t want to know what he’s noticed, so when Eddie opens his mouth hesitantly, he speaks first.

“We should—they’re gonna wonder where we are.”

Eddie pauses on the verge of speech; Steve watches him reevaluate whatever he was going to say.

“Well,” Eddie says, gesturing to the bathroom, matter-of-fact, “we could be peeing.”

Steve manages a chuckle. “You’re an idiot.”

Eddie grins like he’s saying yup, that’s me, like he’s won a prize.

Steve has seen him wear something close to that expression not even an hour ago: when the kids had started a line to use the bathroom in the RV, and Eddie had snorted, giggled with a childish kind of delight, “You—ha! You all look like you’re on a field trip,” before joining the line himself—calling out that he hoped their plan accounted for bathroom breaks because, “There’s no way I’m pissing in the alternate dimension,” and that had made Nancy break, laughing in a way Steve was certain he hadn’t heard since ‘83.

Eddie steps into the room and shuts the door quietly. Steve gets why: his breathing’s still all wrong, and if Dustin happened to see him, he doesn’t think he’d ever forgive himself.

“Sorry.” Steve sucks in a breath, tries to hold it. Loses it in an exhale that shudders at the edges. He speaks through the tail end of it, hoping that’s enough to conceal the sound, “Gimme, like, two minutes.”

“Make it ten,” Eddie says.

The way he says it makes it seem like it’s already a done deal; he must’ve spoken to Robin and Nancy before he tumbled through the Gate.

Despite himself, Steve feels a wave of relief: just for a little while, he has time; it overpowers the shame, leaves him sinking down to sit on the closed toilet seat.

He closes his eyes, just breathes. In… out… in…

He doesn’t realise that Eddie’s sitting down, too, until he hears the clunk of his boots, the rustle of clothing as he moves.

“Sorry,” Steve says again, and it annoyingly still comes out a little shaky, like he’s in the pool and he’s left it too long to snatch a breath. “You can go back, man, I’ll… I’ll be right there.”

He opens his eyes to see Eddie shaking his head, sat with his back against the bathtub.

“Stop apologising,” Eddie says, and then it’s as if the seriousness of it is too much for him, because he adds, with a self-deprecating smile that Steve hates, “I get it. You’re walking into the dragon’s lair, I’m just putting on a concert.”

“Don’t,” Steve says, and he doesn’t intend for the word to come out as sharp as it does, but that doesn’t change the fact that he means it. He means it.

Eddie’s smile fades.

“Don’t,” Steve repeats, quieter. Not quite an apology.

Slowly, he moves off the toilet seat, until he’s sat next to Eddie. There’s just enough space that they don’t need to touch, but Steve presses his shoulder against Eddie’s anyway, like he can somehow pass on everything he means through that alone.

Eddie sighs, presses back for just a second. “Don’t what?” he asks. He sounds tired all of a sudden.

“Don’t—don’t joke like that,” Steve says. “Like you’re not—” He swallows. “Like it’s not dangerous.”

There’s a pause. Eddie reaches across and puts a hand on Steve’s knee. Squeezes briefly and pulls back; already Steve finds that he misses the warmth of him.

“Hey, don’t worry,” Eddie says. There’s no joke in this, not a trace. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to Dustin.” Another smile. Gentle. “Swear on his mother.”

I’m not worried about that, Steve wants to say, but of course that’s not true; he’s tried hard not to look at Dustin directly ever since they arrived at the trailer, because his throat would start to close up alarmingly whenever his gaze lingered, and he knows the kid’s doing that whole semi-aloof teenager thing lately, but a part of him still wants to hold him tight and never let go.

It’s more that the shape of Steve’s worry is different to what he thinks Eddie’s imagining, covers more than Dustin’s safety alone—that the cold dread in his stomach brings him back to the tunnels in ‘84; to clutching Dustin, who was so small, Steve desperately trying to shield him with his own body, thinking the kid’s thirteen, only thirteen, this isn’t fucking fair; and that if this had to end one way, all he could do was pray that he’d be the only one to…

And Steve hadn’t wanted to die, but he was suddenly facing it anyway, and Christ, looking back at it, that was crazy, the whole damn thing was crazy, but it all made a twisted kind of sense at the time.

Eddie must spot that his train of thought’s gone down a dark alley because he knocks their knees together, but he doesn’t say anything. Just breathes, slumped against the bathtub; it’s probably the first time he’s been still—truly still—in a long while.

He must be exhausted, Steve thinks.

The gnawing feeling digs in, grips his heart.

“I can hear you thinking,” Eddie says quietly. “Listen, Steve, I know I’m new to, uh… all of this shit, but I’m on it, okay? Got it all up in here,” he taps the side of his head, “trust me—”

That’s not what—I trust you, of fucking course I do, but—

“—no deviations, and—”

“Plans change,” Steve says, and he hears himself, the calm decisiveness, just get ready; Dustin’s scream carrying across the junkyard, Steve, abort, abort! “Just… just promise me.”

“Promise you?” Eddie murmurs.

Steve feels the words on his tongue, the weight of them. Don’t do anything stupid.

He swallows them down—afraid suddenly that if he really puts a name to it, it’s going to happen.

Fuck it, he’s exhausted too, and for a long moment he evades speaking: gingerly rests his head on Eddie’s shoulder. Feels his body heat, the swell of his breathing.

Eddie doesn’t tense up, just lets him rest there.

If I kissed you, Steve thinks, drained, would you stay?

He doesn’t say it. Instead he lifts his head and asks, “What are you doing tomorrow?”

Eddie chuckles. They’re still so close, Steve can feel his amused sigh.

“Tomorrow? I’ve not really… like, hopefully I’m not in jail. Anything else is a bonus.”

“We’ll fix it,” Steve says fiercely. “Trust me.”

“Oh, I believe you,” Eddie says, grinning fondly, but he sounds genuine. “Shit, man, I think you could do anything.” He gestures outside. “Got the fucking dream team out there.”

“We solved a secret Russian code last summer.”

Eddie laughs. “Did you?” His eyes sparkle with mirth.

You’re beautiful.

“Gospel truth, I swear,” Steve says. He tries to stay light, but he makes the vow anyway. “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

I have so much to tell you.

They stand up, and Steve doesn’t know who’s the first one to move—just that they both probably sensed the time dwindling.

And maybe it’s that, the inescapable thought that something’s coming to an end that does it. Steve doesn’t know for sure, just knows that his eyes are burning suddenly—mortifyingly—with tears. He looks up at the ceiling, hurriedly trying to push them back, but Eddie notices anyway.

“Steve, what is it?” he whispers, with a look of utter devastation.

Steve shakes his head. “Just being stupid,” he says, voice brittle, cutting himself off before he can say something ridiculous.

God, Eddie, let’s just stay here and grow old.

“You’re not stupid,” Eddie says, heartfelt—he stops just short of touching Steve; he clearly wants to help so badly, but he doesn’t know how.

Steve wants to tell him it’s fine. He doesn’t know either.

Maybe nothing can help this.

They leave for the Gate in unspoken agreement; at first Steve finds comfort in the sight of Eddie dangling on the rope, not quite in either world. Like every possibility is laid out before him.

I’ll tell you tomorrow.

But there’s a near imperceptible shift as Eddie keeps climbing, and Steve needs to look away, anything to avoid the pit in his stomach: the suspicion that the path’s already been chosen.

#they’re all just scared kids #Steve “desperately trying to escape a tragedy” Harrington #Eddie “if I make a joke it isn’t real” Munson #steddie fic #pre steddie #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie

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laangdonn · 6 months

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not anymore

summary: the aftermath of glenn and abraham leaves carl and y/n’s relationship in shambles.

pairing: carl grimes x female reader

a/n: first carl grimes post yayy, i love him so much and in my mind he lives on.

*read part 2 here*

*************************

the house was quiet minus the occasional sniffle from carl and i. he was sat with his head in his hands on the leather sofa, his fingers lightly gripping his brown curls. i watched him carefully through blurry vision from behind the kitchen counter, supporting myself with my hands on the cold marble.

it was dark, the moon and a single saucer light in the kitchen shining as light.

it was so fucking quiet but my head had never been louder.

“so what are you saying?” i whispered, carefully watching my words.

he lifted his eyes for a moment until he brought his head back into his palms. he refused eye contact. “i don’t know what i’m saying.”

“you don’t love me anymore?” every word i spoke sent my stomach falling into my feet.

he didn’t answer. i didn’t know if that made it better or worse.

“jesus, carl, answer me-“

“i still love you,” he finally responded, his hand rubbing his face in stress. “of course i still love you.”

“then what’s wrong?” i pressed, a sudden urgency filling my veins. “why are we even having this conversation? why did you come home and suddenly act as if we’ve been fighting for weeks-“

“cause we have been, y/n!” his voice picked up now, throwing his hands in the air and standing up. he still hadn’t looked at me. “we have been fighting for weeks! we cant even look at each other without fighting! ever since glenn-“

“stop.” i cut him off, feeling my chest clench. “this wasn’t them, it wasn’t.”

but it was, and i knew it. the aftermath of glenn and abraham put a strain on the whole group, especially me and carl. we came home that morning, stumbling out of the RV and hadn’t been the same since. every time i looked at carl, all i saw were the tears streaming down his face and the reflection of glenn’s bloody skull in his eyes. i saw the black line drawn on carl’s left arm, and the axe raised in the air.

i looked at carl and i saw death.

i knew he felt the same.

“that day…” he started, taking a breath. “that day i had no other wish but to die. to keep you safe if that’s what it took. i couldn’t protect you from him and i don’t know if i can even try. i put you in danger by loving you.”

i shuddered a breath as the tears began to

clog my throat.

“that’s why i can’t love you, y/n. not anymore.”

“you act like that’s a choice you can make.” i choked out, a feeling of anger pushing forward. anger at the way he thought he could fool anyone who knew him.

“i can try.”

“BULLSHIT!” i snapped, slamming my hand against the cold counter and feeling it sting.

he buried his face in his hands and i could see his shoulders shaking. i felt my heart break then, knowing i wouldn’t be able to change his mind.

a sob broke its way through my throat, wet and rough, and i instantly regretted it because carl looked straight at my eyes and i felt myself sink deeper into the ground.

“don’t do this, carl…” i whispered, looking into his crystal blue eyes, a raging ocean encased in this beautiful human who i’d have to let go. i shook my head at him slowly.

“i’m going to get you killed,”

“then let me be killed knowing you loved me! isn’t that the best we can do?!”

“the best i can do is keep you alive.” he countered strongly. his voice was no longer broken or shaken, but determined.

i realized in that moment nothing could be done to change his mind, it had already been made up. carl was stubborn, too stubborn for his own good and he’d never be swayed by anyone, even me.

no words were spoken between us as we stared at the floor, drowning in the absence of each other. all i wanted in that moment was to touch him, to feel him under my skin and prove to me that he’s still real and he’s still here after everything that had happened. but he was taking that away from me and ripping my heart out along with it.

he inhaled a sharp breath, rubbing his hand on his face once more before he said, “it’d be best if you went to carol’s tonight.”

i swallowed harshly, nodding. at least he was right about one thing.

too tired to argue further, i walked past him and to the front door. he kept his head bowed, not looking at me. i could sense the tension as i barely grazed his shoulder, walking so fast i barely registered the soft material of his flannel on my skin. i paused in front of the door, gripping the handle and hoping he’d call out my name and beg me to stay.

but he didn’t. and i turned around to see his eyes were still trained on the floor, back turned. i felt the cold air envelop me and i slammed the door shut, reverberating and practically shaking the house. i sucked in a breath and pushed forward to the blue house a few doors down.

i knocked wearily, feeling my knees begin to wobble as the effects of what had just transpired hit me. suddenly i was a mess on the porch, breathing erratically as i tried to process what just happened. but, when i saw carols face when she opened the door, concerned at my state of being, i lost it.

she carried me into the house and let me sob my way through the story. she held me while i cried and laid me down once i had fallen asleep in her grasp, eyes crusted shut with tried tears, cheeks red, and lips swollen.

i dreamt that night of glenn.

———

in the morning i woke to the smell of toast and eggs. my stomach growled harshly and i realized i hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon.

i gripped the banister on my way downstairs, being created with carol’s sympathetic smile. i sat down on the island counter as she pushed a plate of breakfast in front of me.

“i’m leaving for hilltop today.” i announced suddenly. her back was turned to me but i could sense the blank stare that must’ve washed over her. the sizzle of the pan of eggs on the stove top was the only sound heard for a moment.

then, she continued tussling the eggs in the pan, continuing on as if i hadn’t said anything. “it’s dangerous.”

“maggie needs me.” i answered simply.

“she’d feel much better if you stayed here. safe, with rick.”

i took a small bite of my toast, “she knows i can take care of myself. i should’ve gone with her and sasha right after…” i let my voice drift on, knowing i didn’t have to be specific. “i need to do this for her. for me. i cant stay here, carol, i can’t. not anymore.”

carol turned around at that, pouring her own eggs onto a plate. “well, i’m not going to stop you.” she said, taking a bite, “but i don’t think you should go alone.”

“i don’t need a babysitter,” i mumbled, beginning to lose my appetite. “im going by myself and that’s final.”

———

i opened the front door to the grimes’ home we shared cautiously. i anticipated to see carl in the front room with judith, as he always was, but to my surprise it was rick instead.

he was sat on the couch while judith babbled and played on the floor. his eyes were tired and lost, his face sunken with grief. he turned to look at me walking in and gave me the same, sympathetic smile i had gotten from carol.

i stood awkwardly in front of the door, looking anywhere but his eyes.

“he told you didn’t he.” i mumbled, not even being able to bring myself to say his name.

“no,” his voice was rough as he spoke, “i heard him last night crying in his room, after you’d left. and i knew.”

i felt my heart clench and my nose begin to sting. i nodded slowly, knowing i wouldn’t be able to choke out words i so desperately wanted to say.

“im going to hilltop today. only carol knows. i came to grab my stuff.”

his eyebrows furrowed at me and once i saw the disapproving look i spoke fast.

“i can make it there.” i promised, “we need each other.”

rick knew exactly who i was referring to and suddenly the look of disapproval vanished from his face. he nodded at me slowly, accepting the fact that this battle would be one he lost in trying to keep me here. he turned to judith and i took that as my cue to head upstairs.

“carl is at the armory, but he should be back soon,” i heard rick say, “i suggest you leave before he gets back, for both of your sakes.”

i didn’t answer, only continued up the steps. i didn’t want to see carl because i knew if he begged me to stay i would. it hurts knowing i perhaps don’t have that same control over him.

pushing open his door and revealing his room, our room was harder than i had imagined. i wanted to be out quickly, without hassle. i went through drawers, grabbing my things, stuffing them into the two duffel bags i had underneath our bed.

my heart dropped when i heard the front door open and close. i hadn’t been quick enough.

“where is she?” i heard his voice from downstairs and it motivated me to work quicker.

i managed to close the zipper on the second duffle bag but when i turned to the door i almost fainted. carl stood there with his arms hanging limp at his side, a blank stare on his face as he watched me pack my life away.

we stood facing each other for a long time. i stressed another fight, perhaps a bigger blowout than the last, but i looked into his sad, tired eyes and realized there wouldn’t be any fighting between us.

“how did you know i was here,” i mumbled.

“i went to carol’s looking for you. she told me you were leaving for hilltop.” his face scrunched up in disgust at his own words, as if just the thought of me leaving left a sour taste in his mouth.

“i am.” i said, voice feeble in an attempt to remain confident.

he shook his head slowly as tears began to rise up in his eyes. “don’t, y/n.”

“why not?” i pushed, crossing my arms over my chest. “why wouldn’t i leave? what’s left for me here?”

he didn’t answer.

“you let me go last night.” i stabilized my voice a bit, straightening my back to make myself look stronger as i spoke the words. “you can let me go again.”

“is that what this is?” he questioned, “is this reckless stupidity to punish me for last night?”

i scoffed, rolling his eyes at his narcissism. “no,” i chuckled in disbelief.

“then why? because this is the first time i’ve heard about this from you. not once have you said you’ve wanted to go to hilltop.”

“why wouldn’t i go?” i asked rhetorically, “maggie’s there and i want to help her. i feel so… so useless here! like, nothing is going right in this godforsaken place and last night was the last thing i needed to set me off.”

his face suddenly paled, his eyes softening. words were stuck on the edge of his tongue and i could see in his expression he contemplated letting them spill over. “i wanted to talk about last night.”

i turned around at that, beginning to rustle with my bag to occupy my hands. to do something other than hear him talk. especially about last night.

“i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to hurt you, you have no idea how hard it was for me, letting you go like that.”

i scoffed again, “you don’t even have a clue how i feel, carl, so don’t even try to sympathize with me.”

“i-“

“save it.” i spat, anger beginning to rise up my veins at the idea that he was about to pity me. “nothing you can say, nothing you think you can do to make it okay won’t keep me from-“

a loud bang on the front door shook me from finishing my sentence, both our eyes widening as carl ran out of the room and to the stairs.

“anyone home?” a booming voice spoke. i knew that voice.

carl, eyes still wide, turned to me in shock. i stood frozen, my hand still clutching the strap of my duffel bag filled with things.

“aww, you are a cutie-pie aren’t you! where’s your mommy, huh?”

at that, my blood ran cold.

judith was downstairs, by herself, with him.

without another moment of hesitation, carl was booking it down the stairs. i closely followed; forgetting our fued and any other reason why i would be angry in the first place. judith came first.

when i got to the bottom of the stairs carl was already in a staring match with negan as he held judith in his burly arms. the sight almost made me vomit. if he was capable of all he did that night, what was stopping him from harming a baby?

“well would you look what we have here,” he smiled his wicked smile. “i remember you,” he said, pointing at me.

“give me the baby,” carl demanded, his eye narrow. i wouldn’t have wanted to be on the receiving end of his glare.

negan chuckled, “and why would i do that? she’s so precious, i don’t think i’ll ever let her go.”

i felt my eyes sting when he lifted her up higher, examining her small, angelic face with devil eyes.

“i’m not asking,” carl said confidently, his voice didn’t shake or tremble. surprisingly, he was calmer than me, and it was his sister. he kept his eyes trained on negan, never once allowing him to leave his hard gaze. “give her to me.”

negan looked between the two of us before letting out a large gasp, his eyes widening, “no fucking shit, pardon my french but, aren’t you two a little young…”

my cheeks flushed once i realized what he was implying. i slowly shook my head, staring at carl out of the corner of my eye. his eye narrowed further.

“that’s my sister.” he spat.

“this is rick’s baby girl?” negan bounced judith in his arms again, eliciting a small giggle from her. “wow! now it’s a grimes’ party!”

he eyed me up and down, “sweetheart,” he beckoned me to take the baby, and without question i stepped up, carefully taking her out of his grasp and into the safety of my arms. i let out a sigh of relief, smoothing her golden hair back.

i backed up to carl’s side again, keeping my arms strongly around judith’s small body. she twirled a strand of my brown hair around her stubby finger, giggling again.

ever so slightly, carl stepped in front of me, shielding judith and i from whatever this man could do.

“so, where’s rick?” negan asked as he began trodding around the room, picking up trinkets left in the house by the previous owners.

“not here,” carl answered stiffly. out of the corner of my eye, i saw his hand lightly graze over the top of his jeans. my heart pounded a little faster.

negan sighed disappointedly, “well, im gonna go look for him! in the meantime, a few of my men will be by here to collect half your shit for me to take! kapeesh?”

he walked over to me and patted judith’s back, getting sickenly close. i held my breath, attempting to shield my fear. “i’ll be back for you, sweetheart.”

a chill ran down my spine when judith giggled at the man’s words. it felt like i was holding that breath in all the way until the front door closed and i could breathe again.

suddenly, carl gripped my shoulders and forced me to face him. “take judith upstairs and stay there.”

boots crunching against gravel outside made my stomach drop, the sound getting closer as each second passed. i shook my head violently. “i’m not leaving you down here by yourself.”

“i’ll be fine, go upstairs. now!” he pushed me in the direction of the stairs, judith cooing. i suddenly felt the urge to tell him i loved him, to hold him and make sure he’s safe. i never wanted to leave his side.

i had barely made it up the stairs and out of sight by the time the men had opened the door and i heard carl already start with the spiteful comments. he’s gonna get himself killed.

i placed judith in her crib, cooing to her softly to make sure she was settled. i locked her door from the inside, stuffing the key in my back jean pocket and headed for the stairs. i peeked through the railings, watching carl argue with one of negan’s men while the other ransacked the kitchen.

“you said half!” carl growled, watching the men stuff cabinet after cabinet of food into a large bag.

“we’ll take as much as we want.” one of the men replied, his tone snark and condescending.

my eyes bulged when i saw carl turn around and raise his gun to the man in the kitchen. he cocked it, his finger edging the trigger. “put it back.”

at this, i ran downstairs to carl’s side, just in time for the man behind him to cock his gun, right at my head.

carl’s head turned, his face pale when he saw the cold metal pressed up against my head, and the man’s strong arm around my torso.

“put the gun down, kid.” the man with the gun to me demanded. carl didn’t budge.

“carl…” i whispered carefully, my heart thumping in my ears loud enough to the point where i could barely hear myself talk aloud. “put it down…”

he stood there for a moment, his hand holding the gun beginning to shake as his pupil turned into a devilish slit to the man threatening my life. after what felt like hours, he finally lowered the gun, and i let out a sigh of relief when the metal left my hair.

we watched in distraught as they picked apart every inch of our home. luckily, we were able to keep him from going upstairs, and they left without another word to either of us. as the front door slammed shut i was pulled harshly into carl’s arms, his whole body shaking in rage.

his grip was tight and constricting, as if the anger was flowing into the hug. i could barely get a breath out, and i felt him shakily let out a few of his own into my ear, his chin digging into the crevice between my neck and my shoulder.

i could feel his rage. it coursed through him like the blood in his veins. his brain pumped more thoughts of negan, his saviors, their wrath, and i felt him slip into his emotions.

“i love you,” he whispered, his voice harsh, embrace still solid.

a tear dropped onto the warm skin of my shoulder, and by then i knew, everything he had said to me last night was nothing but a mistake.

i nodded against him, “i know.”

———

the rest of the day he didn’t let go of me, refused to. we laid in bed and i realized he was still thinking of this mornings’ events.

rick had come back an hour after the saviors left and panicked, asking about judith and if we were okay. he saw carl practically in tears from anger on the couch and me coddling his fragile ego.

he told us to stay in the house the rest of the day, and he’d be back to salvage whatever food he could find for dinner after our kitchen became nothing but a hollow, empty shell.

laying on carl’s chest, i drew patterns onto the grey of his shirt. we laid in silence, comfortable yet uncomfortable silence, until he broke it.

“today,” he started, his voice low, “when he had his gun up to your head, i realized something.”

i lifted my head slightly to look at him, his eye trained on the wall in front of us.

“you were about to die without me saying i love you today.” he sucked in a sharp breath, “and- and i realized i couldn’t live with myself if that happened.”

he finally looked down to me, his eye glazed over, staring at my with a heartbreakingly beautiful gaze that told me everything i needed to know.

“carl-“

“if you still want to go to hilltop i wont stop you.” he continued, cutting me off, “but if they come there-“ his voice hitched, his chest tightening under me. “remember that even after what i said, i cant ever stop loving you, y/n.”

the tears that had been building in my eyes finally spilled over. i realized the extent of what we were all going through, what our reality is. that we don’t know if today is promised, more so than before we met the saviors. that humans are far more dangerous than any walker we’d ever come across.

we were all living on borrowed time, and at some point, we’d have to return it.

i buried my head in his warm chest and sobbed. sobbed for glenn, for abraham, for maggie, for judith, for me, for carl, for us together. i sobbed for what we’d never have again as far as it seemed.

safety.

“what are we gonna do,” the words tumbled out of my mouth deliriously, through snot and sobs.

he didn’t answer, but carl’s grip around me tightening, and the way his chest stuttered, answered for him when his throat had nothing to offer.

but then he spoke. low and menacing. he acquired a sort of vendetta he didn’t have the night prior. he wasn’t about to let me go for them. not anymore.

“we’re gonna make them pay.”

#carl grimes #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes angst #the walking dead #twd #rick grimes #carol peletier #negan smith #twd negan #twd carl #twd season 7 #angst with a happy ending #carl grimes fluff #carl grimes one shot #carl grimes imagine

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dipnots · 1 year

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Top 10 Motorhome Models: A Guide to the Best RVs on the Market

Motorhomes, also known as recreational vehicles (RVs), have grown in popularity in recent years, as more and more people are looking for ways to travel and explore the world in comfort and style. There are many different motorhome models available on the market, each with its own unique set of features and amenities. 1- Winnebago View: The Winnebago View is a popular choice for those who want a…

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metalhoops · 1 year

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Inspired by this post

Steve had watched the world end a hundred different ways. He’d lived the same day more times than he could count, watching the people he loved die or feeling himself die. There were things worse than death. There were memories he didn’t dredge up for fear of calling them into the waking world.

He'd held onto hope for the first twenty recurrent days, which had dwindled to a sense of steely determination until he’d lost count of the days. Then all that was left was the comfort of repetition. He was Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the hill, day in and day out. Steve kept trying and failing to save Eddie until it was all he knew.

Maybe he was Prometheus, who stole fire from the gods and spent his life paying for it, tied to a rock while birds picked at his liver, only for it to grow back with each morning. Prometheus whose name, by definition, means forethought; one’s ability to consider possible futures. Steve had spent a small lifetime considering futures. It wasn’t a comparison he would’ve made on his own. That was Eddie, who’d spent his childhood with his head in thick tomes of fantasy and mythology.

Eddie Munson came to him like cheap furniture, in crudely disassembled pieces that Steve had been working tirelessly to put together. Each new loop brought him another piece of Eddie. His favourite colour was blue. He only woke up early on weekends to watch cartoons. He liked too much cream in his coffee.

The Eddie that existed in a world where Steve stayed with him and Dustin during the swarm of bats had told Steve his biggest dream was to make enough money to buy Uncle Wayne a proper home. His biggest fear was that when he died, no one would remember him.

Days or months later, with Steve repeating the same damn day, he’d finally learnt why Eddie’s love for his uncle ran so deep. Wayne had taken him in before his dad went to jail when the man caught Eddie holding another boy’s hand. In that world, Steve had stayed with Eddie in the RV as the rest of the group searched War Zone.

Eddie’s mother died when he was six. He’d told Steve that later, or earlier. Steve had and has lost his sense of past and present. Eddie loved his mother deeply, though was unsure if that love had been misplaced. He recalled two mothers, one who read him bedtime stories and threw herself around the kitchen each morning with her wild theatrics and another mother who was distant and whose temper could turn on a dime. Eddie wasn’t sure which of those mothers was his and which was the mother of memory. All good storytellers know the story shapes itself in the retelling. Eddie’s mother was Janus, god of duality.

Steve understood. He loved and hated his parents. These feelings weren’t mutually exclusive. Steve loved Eddie because he’d spent the last hundred-odd days getting to know him, but Steve hated Eddie because he kept dying. Until he didn’t.

The boys lay side by side in the red-blue soil of The Upside Down, their bleeding sides caked with mud and demonic bat viscera. In the end, Steve wasn’t sure what’d done it. It’d been so long since he’d lived Eddie’s original death that it’d been smeared by the haze of memory and conjecture. All he knew was that a sea of bats lay dead around them and that it was over. Finally, over.

Steve removed his hand from where it was pressed into his side and extended it to ensnare Eddie’s. He felt muscles tug and tear from the walls of his ribs with the effort. Blood flowed freely from the cavity, but Steve didn’t care. He wanted to hold Eddie’s hand. Holy shit, they’d done it.

Somewhere along the way, Steve had fallen in love. It’d taken him ten more iterations to reconcile with the fact he could not only like a man but love him. That was months ago, in Steve’s time. It was old news. “Steve, you still with me?” Eddie asked, his voice horse.

He was hurt, though not as badly as Steve. All his wounds were superficial. He’d be okay. Steve had been so sick of watching Eddie die, he’d been willing to put his body on the line to make sure it didn’t happen again.

In this loop, he was still ‘Steve’, not ‘Stevie’. They hadn’t grown close enough yet. Eddie only called him ‘sweetheart’ in the iterations where they kissed. Steve wanted to kiss him, but there was the taste of iron in his mouth.

“I’m okay,” Steve insisted, squeezing Eddie’s hand. He felt a sharp pain shoot through his side as Eddie pressed his hand into Steve’s wound.

“Christ, there’s a lot of blood,” Eddie muttered to himself.

He was bad with blood. He’d scraped his knee down to the bone when he was seven and ever since, the sight of gore made him queasy. Steve wasn’t meant to know that yet. In this iteration, he hadn’t told Eddie about the loop. He’d tried before, but it never helped.

Pain and blood loss drag Steve down into a familiar oblivion. He expected to wake at the beginning of the loop, emerging in The Upside Down from Lover’s Lake, but instead, he found himself in a hospital room with Eddie in a bed by his side. It was late, too late for visitors, but Eddie wasn’t sleeping. His eyes were trained on Steve, equal parts concerned and curious.

“You scared the shit out of me,” Eddie confessed, as Steve’s eyes met his.

Steve wanted to cry or scream. He wanted to untangle himself from the knot of cords and tubes to crawl beside Eddie in bed as they had curled up together in the back of the RV dozens of times before. He needed to hold Eddie to know he was alive, to understand he wasn’t going anywhere. Steve blinked away tears, balling his hands into fists. He didn’t want to scare Eddie.

“I scared you?” Steve choked out a mixture between a laugh and a sob.

Eddie didn’t know what to do. He never knew what to do when people cried. Steve learned that in the iteration where they’d lost Dustin. He didn’t want to think about it.

“You almost died, man,” Eddie explained.

He somehow understood Steve wanted him closer. Eddie got out of bed, clutching his I.V. drip as he flopped into the chair by Steve’s bedside. He wanted to hold Eddie’s hand again, but he was out of excuses. He could tell him the truth, but he didn’t know what good it would do.

Steve was still used to thinking of possible futures. He was Prometheus who, unlike Sisyphus, escaped his torment. Steve wondered what happened to Prometheus after he was rescued. Did he return to a normal life? Does anyone bother to ask? Prometheus’ story is always about punishment. Afterwards, he was a footnote in the story of Hercules, but once the heroes leave the story, what’s left?

Eddie would know the answer, but it wasn’t a conversation he’d had with this Eddie. That Eddie was dead. This Eddie was and wasn’t him. This Eddie was Janus, god of abstract duality, god of beginnings and ends, god of life and death.

“Sorry my lame-ass face is the first one you had to see. Robin and the kids were in here all day. Wheeler left flowers,” Eddie tacked on awkwardly.

This Eddie didn’t know Steve. They were strangers. Of course, things were awkward. He couldn’t know he was the one person Steve wanted to see more than anything.

“No, Ed’s—.” Slip of the tongue.

“Eddie. I’m really glad you’re here, man.”

They were back to square one, but Steve could work with that. He’d been working with that for months. This time, Eddie would remember. This time, they had the luxury of taking things slow.

“One thing’s been bugging me all day,” Steve began.

After hundreds of days of getting to know Eddie, Steve had learnt a few shortcuts, a few ways to jump-start his way into Eddie’s heart.

“Can you explain what the hell Mordor is?”

It was a tried-and-true method. By that point, Steve knew Eddie’s response off by heart, but he wanted to hear him say it. Eddie gave him the same perplexed look he always did when Steve asked. It was as though Eddie thought he knew too much like there was some secret he wasn’t letting him in on, but he didn’t challenge Steve on it. He never did.

“Harrington, have you heard of Lord of the Rings?” Yes.

“No.” A million times.

“Tell me about it.”

Read Part 2 Here

#steddie #steddie ficlet #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #drabble #ficlet #Metalhoops writes #I read the post yesterday #and I've been thinking about it ever since #the plot kind of ran away with itself #but I like how it turned out #I'm considering a part 2 #from Eddie's point of few in the weeks/ months that follow #depending on if people are interested #shoutout to #@theamazingbard #for the idea

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