#s13x04

[imdreamingofhim]

Looks like they switched ties!

Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester | s13x04

[thedogsled]

This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith.

This episode was like Castiel, it literally wouldn’t let me sleep. I woke up still screaming from last night because omfgsoshookwtfwtf, but hopefully the rest of this will make more sense. This will ultimately be a “Destiel of it all” sort of post, so bear with me if that’s what you’re here for.

I was thinking about how often meta writers have to defend the ‘We’re not psychic don’t ask us to speculate’ thing, which from the perspective of all involved just sucks. If something doesn’t go as predicted then two things often happen: the reader ends up disappointed, and the meta writer gets it rubbed in their face. That sucks. But the thing is that particularly after episodes like last night’s, readers are going to be more convinced than ever that meta writers can see the future, and I wanted to go through some of the reasons why just so that you’re all on the same page about it.

By reading into the meta, meta writers observe the trends of both how the writers write, how they engage the audience in text and subtext, how the visual effects and everything else comes together to produce a storyline, and how parallels tie us into the present day. When you start with the premise that “every story is about Sam and Dean or Sam or Dean in some way” which PTB have stated in the past, then untangling what those stories mean about our boys makes perfect sense, and that’s what meta writers do. So Bloodlines? Was about our boys. That episode where Dean and Sam work Rufus and Bobby’s old case? Was about our boys. It’s all about Sam and Dean (and when it’s not, it’s about the people closest to them ftr).

Now a lot of it I will give you is that if you throw out enough words some of them will stick. It’s almost inevitable; there’s only so many stories you can tell, especially if you consider that the characters are going to be who they are. That’s helpful. That’s where reading character and subtext really comes in. When you’re complimenting a fanfiction writer on how IC their characters are, you’re complimenting their read of a character on screen. A good empathic reader will be able to generally predict how a character will act in a given situation because they’re following the general trend of their storyline and know how they deal with similar situations in the past (especially with such a huge canon to draw from as SPN).

Let me talk about 13x04, though, because we were screeching with delight all the way through it. I hate to say “I told you so” but... And while you read the following I want you to think – with an open mind - about this question: If meta writers were right about all of this based on our read of the text/subtext then maybe they’re not wrong about Destiel.

P.S. this is an instinctual first read, I haven’t even had a chance to rewatch the episode yet, and through conversation I expect I’ll change my mind here and there.

Under the cut because it’s HUGE

The Empty

Prediction: The Empty is the place where all angels go when they die. Castiel will face himself in the Empty. He will struggle with his past experiences, all the wrong he’s done and overcome it through force of will. He may have to confront his feelings for Dean in some way. The word love may come up. An act of free will – a choice to return – will set him free.

A handful of counter predictions: Cas will face someone else in the Empty. Jack will be the one to get Cas out. Cas will face all the other facets of himself. Cas will be the only thing in the Empty.

What we had to go on: A couple of interviews in which Misha mentioned how weird (and completely different to other things he’s done on SPN so far) the work he did for the Empty was, how boring it was, that he worked with another actor (and that the actor was handsome); Castiel’s depression arc; Jack can’t get him out; the tiniest flash in the promo after 13x03 of Godstiel and a gooey black figure. This is a show about choice and free will, not magic powers saving the day (look at the season 11 finale)

What we got: The Empty is the place when angels and demons go to when they die. Castiel faces himself in the Empty but it is in fact an ancient spirit older than God who just wants a nap. He’s forced to live out his past experiences, all the wrong he’s done, and overcomes it through force of will. He is forced to confront his feelings, the word love comes up, and he chooses to return to Earth.

To sum up: The show gives us some surprises, Misha trolls with us, but ultimately we get what we expect and meta writers look psychic.

 Sam Winchester’s Emotions

Prediction: Sam Winchester has feelings too. He is struggling in particular with the loss of Mary, and the reason why it’s predominately on his mind more than Cas is because he’s grieving her more than Dean. Sam is better at hiding what he feels, but he is hurting right now, and sooner or later we’ll see it. Probably in an episode that’s all about grief… In addition: Sam’s treatment of Jack is not healthy, and recalls Ruby’s training of Sam in a lot of creepy ways, and sooner or later someone has to call him on it. The way he’s treating Jack is due to his feelings about Mary and about himself.

Counter predictions: Sam Winchester’s feelings are more important than Dean’s, also he is totally right about Jack, and about his approach to Jack’s training etc. and nothing will go wrong with putting that much pressure on what is essentially a small child.

What we had to go on: 12 fucking seasons of Sam Winchester acting tough on the outside, needling Dean viciously about his emotions, and only sharing his own after he makes Dean crack. 12 seasons of Sam putting practicality before himself. 12 seasons of the boys bottling things up while you scream at them until you’ve had enough and they’ve had enough and they have a big fight and briefly go their separate ways. Have you watched them? Also: every time Mary was in the room Sam wanted to get closer to her physically since he couldn’t manage it emotionally. He never knew his mother, but Mary didn’t know him either, and Sam is much more a stranger to her than Dean is. Mary connects with Dean, and it’s Dean who gets to settle things with her in her nightmare world, and Sam is feeling a loss that he’s felt his entire life. Basically all Sam’s MOL arc.

What we got: Sam needled Dean about his grief, and then Sam fucking lost it. This was a surprise to half the audience who for some reason didn’t see it coming. And you know what Sam did after he lost it? He went back into hunter mode like it was out of style and went after the monster. That’s my boy.

To sum up: We don’t talk enough about Sam, but you know what? I feel most of us (unless we were somehow oblivious to Sam doing anything more than caring for the nougat and being Good) knew that Sam stuff was coming. Sam doesn’t have less emotions than Dean, he just has them differently.

 Jack Kline misses his mother and other stories

Prediction: Jack is all alone in the world and he misses his mother. He is genuinely scared of Dean. He still thinks Sam is using him. He thinks Dean is going to kill him and wants to earn his approval/wants Dean to like him. He just wants to be a real boy and play video games and watch tv. He will learn to use his powers more. Jack will be the boys’ intern (dig the grave) and be integral in dealing with the monster of the week. Jack is more human than Dean thinks and more monster than Sam thinks. He thinks he’s going to become a monster, but he’ll get to choose.

What we had to go on: Jack’s growth so far. Promo photos. Alexander’s interviews etc. etc. And the theme of this season which is “we can choose who we want to be”.

Other predictions: ……….were there any?

What we got: Totally owned it. On top of that we got a monster who was choosing to be good and doing good, who came into an episode ostensibly about ghosts and made it an episode 100% not about ghosts. I was surprised and delighted. And that monster shapeshifted into Jack’s mom and hugged him and told him he could be anyone he wanted to be. Also Anakin Skywalker references but I saw that coming 500 years ago.

To sum up: I love this kid and I love his storyline and what he reflects in Sam and Dean. Just like Sam, he misses his mom, and just like Dean, he misses Cas. What more can you ask for?

 Dean Winchester is a Dick

Prediction: Dean, who is feeling the loss of his love, is acting a lot like John when he lost Mary. Dean is in grieving and not handling it well. He’s throwing his rage around and it’s not making him or the people around him – who are also grieving – feel better. He’s being a dick. He will realize this at some point (either by grief counsellor or Sam’s needling) and start trying to work past it. He’ll also acknowledge that maybe the nougat isn’t all bad and start to like him a little bit (will need to acknowledge him somehow and put to rest the idea that he will turn around and kill him the second he knows how).

What we had to go on: How Dean has acted so far, and the general idea that the situation as it is is unsustainable. We as an audience needed Dean to start moving past his grief because it’s too hard to watch. We also had the recent interview tease that Sam and Dean’s perspectives on Jack would be flipping, and all of the callbacks and parallels that we’ve had to John so far this season.

Other predictions: DEAN ISN’T A DICK. DEAN IS NOT JOHN. STFU. Also Sam is the more emotional brother??? Er, and of course Dean can do no wrong and he is 100% right about his treatment of Jack and his delivery of the threat to kill him.

What we got: Sam said that Dean is acting like John and Dean asked if that was such a bad thing. Dean opened up about some of his feelings and triggered Sam’s outburst, he also acknowledged his anger, said out loud that he’s being a dick, exposed how bad a place he’s in emotionally, and acknowledged what his anger is doing to Jack. He let the nougatty goodness into his heart, and still suitably wary or not, he gave the kid a chance. He also made it clear that his pain is not all about Mary, because Sam who was more upset about Mary was freed up emotionally by talking about her with the grief counsellor while Dean is still not in a good place and as much as says so, with a direct “I have no faith” parallel right before a screen flip to Castiel getting out of the Empty when Cas is the one who introduced Dean to the nebulous idea of “faith” in the first place.

 Other things predicted that happened:

Sam and Dean resolved their dispute

Sam and Dean flipped opinions on Jack and Mary by finally listening to each other and taking each other’s opinions/feelings/instinct into account

More INCREDIBLE PARALLELS signed sealed and delivered

Jack is getting happier

The real unfettered Castiel loves nature

Mention of unrequited love?!?!

Post depression: “A brand new you” + new coat and new tie + SUNSHINE

idk some other stuff this episode was packed

 A caveat about meta writers, Castiel and Destiel:

We get excited too. We’re human and we’re excited for potential things that don’t happen too. Now while it became very clear that this would be an episode about motherhood a few days ago, for weeks we’ve been talking about just how nice it would be if Dean acknowledged his pain for Cas somehow too. But you know what? That wasn’t this episode, and that’s okay.

What isn’t okay is rubbing it in people’s faces and saying ‘haha Dean doesn’t care about Cas’ because bro, we’ve had three episodes where it was all about Cas. The thing was, Cas was in this episode (and not just because he was literally in this episode). He filled all the negative space. He is the source of Dean’s anger, which they were about to address when the monster of the week decided that their counselling session had run out of time.

Castiel was there, and I know for sure some of the folks around here will show you just how much in the coming week.

Did we want the counsellor to change into Cas too? Mm. Me personally no, because Dean’s grief doesn’t work like that. He’s not about to accept a replacement for Cas or his Mom. And hug the shapeshifter who may or may not (on her word alone) want to belly stab him? That would never happen; he wouldn’t let down his guard like that. So say I, but I’m sure there will be a heartbreaking coda where I get to read all about it so maybe my opinion will change.

Did I want him to talk about it? In retrospect no. Look, I’d love for a magic bullet to put Sam on the same page as Dean about Cas but actually…I’m quite happy with the subtext as it is. Dean talking about Cas with someone he doesn’t know out of the blue like that would cheapen it for me. Hell, in some ways I want Sam to work out and put a name to Dean’s love for Cas himself, because I think he’s the only person who can convince Dean that it’s alright.

So about Destiel. If you’ve been keeping up then this episode should be a primer for what meta writers are capable of extrapolating from a story based on where it’s been in the past, how storywriting works and what the characters are like. Now, if that can be accomplished for one episode, and we have all these clues to years of subtext between Dean and Castiel, then I have to ask you: do you believe us yet? And if not, why not? What key piece is missing at this point?

The thing is we look at the story, we look at the negative space, the cinematography, the tropes, and this bell is ringing noisily in our heads, train whistled and fangirl screams and all the rest of it: HERE COMES THE DESTIEL TRAIN! It’s impossible to ignore. It’s so impossible to ignore it makes people who’ve never seen the canon think they’re in love, it makes people who come into the show determined not to be swept away by Destiel see it anyway, and it makes members of the GA shift in their seat and go “There’s something weird about Dean and Cas right?”

So please. If you’re still not convinced that this show is going to go there, do me one small favour. Okay ‘small’ is a little off the mark, but. Go back and watch parts of the show again, but instead of watching it determined to ignore Dean’s feelings for Cas, watch for those moments instead. Watch it because you want to see it there: watch Dean stare through the Gas N Sip window at his friend; watch Dean’s face after April kills him; watch him stare into a mirror and try and remember Castiel’s name; watch Cas offer to die for him just so Dean doesn’t have to do it alone; watch as even Lucifer calls Dean out on the way he calls Cas’ name; feel the tension in the room where Dean shoves Cas back across the room and stares at his goddamn mouth; watch him mourn and mourn and mourn and pray and beg for his friend back.

Meta readers read what’s there. They aren’t psychic, they aren’t making predictions, and occasionally they’ll be wrong. But maybe, just maybe, we’re not wrong about this.

I believe, Dean. I believe.

[kuistav-koffer16]

My baby Jack's the purest sweetest being in the world I'm crying so hard

[spncanonbigbang]

Title: Cleanse the Waters

Author: li_izumi

Artist: ThePlaidFox

Pairing: Destiel (pre-slash)

Rating: Teen (for swearing and suggestive sexual content)

Word Count: 16416

No Major Archive Warnings

Tags: Coda, Hurt/Comfort, Outsider POV, Aquaphobia, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Dean’s man pain, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Because Canon, Temporary Major Character Death, dramatic use of dramatic irony, Angst with a Hopeful Ending Episode: s07e02 Hello Cruel World, Episode: s07e17 The Born-Again Identity, Episode: s09e03 I’m no Angel, Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can’t Wait, Episode: s09x10 Road Trip, Episode: s10e21 Dark Dynasty, Episode: s11e18 Hell’s Angel, Episode: s13x04 The Big Empty

Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Meg (Supernatural), Original Male Character, Rowena Macleod, Charlie Bradbury, Crowley (Supernatural), Lucifer (Supernatural), The Empty (Supernatural)

Summary: Castiel’s multitude of sins haunt him in ways all too human, but water cannot cleanse him when he is drowning in his own guilt. Over the years, he’s tried to ignore his fear–after all, no one needs a broken angel–but he keeps failing and needing to be saved by those he should be saving. If Castiel is ever to be absolved, he must overcome his fear and walk into the water alone.

Fic link(s): https://archiveofourown.org/works/19728298/chapters/46691050 Art link(s): https://archiveofourown.org/works/19638640

[weekendwritingmarathon]

This weekly roundup includes fics written (at least in part) during the 1k1h sprints and/or the Weekend Writing Marathon events.

Fics are ordered first by fandom, then by word count from smallest to largest.

***

The Avengers Talent Show by @pherryt

marvel || winterhawk (Clint/Bucky) || Explicit || No major warnings apply || 6,929 words || Complete

Summary: Bucky can't believe the Avengers are putting on a talent show, but if you ask him, Clint is the main attraction...

Other tags: Dancing, Singing, talent show, deaf!Clint, Smut, Light Angst, Bottom!Bucky, top!Clint, implied future switching, Panties, Pining, Hurt/Comfort

***

When Once We Thought Ourselves Broken by @pherryt

marvel || winterhawk (Clint Barton/Bucky Barnes), side sam/steve || General || No major warnings apply || 10,084 || Complete

Summary: Clint's soulmate mark had never worked right, blinking on and off since the day he'd been born. Bucky was broken in more ways than most people knew, except maybe Steve, even before he'd headed off to war and HYDRA had gotten their hands on him. Everything finally makes sense when they come together.

Other tags: Soulmates, Ace!Bucky, post winter soldier, Canon Divergent, mute!bucky, partially mute bucky, deaf!Clint, Soulmate marks, Panic Attacks, Low Self Esteem, First Kiss, hurt!Clint, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, Hawk, wolf, alternating pov

***

Every Monster That Sleeps Inside You (Chapter 2) by Treefrogie84

Supernatural || destiel, drowley, dean x cas x crowley || Mature || Graphic Descriptions of Violence || 3,391 words || WIP

Summary: Attempting the trials to close Hell lets loose something far worse than the occasional crossroads demon or Dean’s second favorite drinking buddy. Heaven wants all the tablets they can get their hands on, Abaddon wants to destroy everything in favor of utter chaos in Hell as well as on Earth, and somehow, Sam and Dean have to stop all of it. Except stopping Abaddon might take more from Dean than he can afford to give. A Mark of Cain fix-it starting at 8.12 As Time Goes By.

Other tags: canon-typical violence, canon divergent, mark of cain, demon!Dean, season 9 fix-it, season 10 fix-it, Carver era rewrite

***

Cleanse the Waters by @li-izumi

Supernatural || Castiel/Dean Winchester (pre-slash) || Teen & up || No major warnings apply || 16,416 words || Complete

Summary: Castiel’s multitude of sins haunt him in ways all too human, but water cannot cleanse him when he is drowning in his own guilt. Over the years, he’s tried to ignore his fear--after all, no one needs a broken angel--but he keeps failing and needing to be saved by those he should be saving. If Castiel is ever to be absolved, he must overcome his fear and walk into the water alone.

Other tags: Coda, Hurt/Comfort, Outsider POV, Aquaphobia, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Because Canon, Temporary Major Character Death, Dean’s man pain, dramatic use of dramatic irony, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Big Bang Challenge, Episode: s07e02 Hello Cruel World, Episode: s07e17 The Born-Again Identity, Episode: s09e03 I’m no Angel, Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can’t Wait, Episode: s09x10 Road Trip, Episode: s10e21 Dark Dynasty, Episode: s11e18 Hell’s Angel, Episode: s13x04 The Big Empty

***

Have you posted a fic recently?  Any active WWM participant can Submit your fic here by midnight EST Wednesday and it will be included on next Friday’s WWM Fic Roundup post.

[hhxh2020]

SPN S13x04:the conversation b/w Sam&Dean'bout "lost" their mom make me feel sorry for Sam.Sam is persistent&not easily giving up the hope bc he never had it before;Dean was devastated but was trying to hold it for himself.

I like the way they apologized at the end of each fight. However, every time I watched them fight, I felt so sad for them.

[thedogsled]

13x04 as you’ve never heard it before: Trek vs. Wars

Both do it right. Both make some mistakes. Both have good intentions. Both are brought up in 13x04. Both have crazy ass fans who need to inform you how much superior one is than the other. But uh. I just find it amusing that in a season so far that has presented us with such duality, an episode that opens with a Star Wars reference throws in a Star Trek one as well just for consistency.

I’m going to touch on both because it’s fascinating to me, particularly as both references are so clearly bonded to Jack. And I know, I know. They’re obvious pop culture references, but there’s more underneath the surface to them if that’s all you know them as.

Okay, so I’ve seen people talking here and there about Anakin and Ahsoka. I didn’t watch Clone Wars (though it’s sitting on my shelf right here, oops), so I don’t actually know about Ahsoka, but obviously Anakin is a big deal. 

I’ve seen meta comparing Jack’s potential arc to Luke’s and to Vader’s, but that’s because in a lot of ways their arcs are similar, it’s just that they have different outcomes. Luke, of course, has friends and family in his court, while Anakin is under the thumb of a master manipulator in Palpatine who essentially corrupts him because of his great potential power. There’s an easy line to draw there, of course, between Asmodeus and Palpatine. And so if you lean into the Anakin comparison, you have the following:

Anakin was not a child when he was taken in by Qui-Gon for training (I mean he was but by the standards of the Jedi Temple not really)

The Prophecy regarding Anakin said that he would bring balance to the Force (Ultimately he did, there were 2 Sith and 2 Jedi left)

The Jedi Council feared his power/influence and initially forbade his training

And then Anakin consequently lost all the people he cared about or who had faith in him, starting with Qui-Gon.

Which led to him being trained by Obi-Wan who was barely out of Padawan diapers and a bit of a rule breaker himself

And lets face it had a less than stellar upbringing too (But I guess the EU is no longer canon so w/e)

And don’t forget that Obi-Wan is pretty fucking depressed in general (He describes it as his fate to be sad) but he had just lost the person with which he had a profound bond

It’s no wonder Jack aspires to be more like Ahsoka. By Clone Wars Anakin - because of his skill and the lack of leadership experience of Obi-Wan - is a bit of a cocky dick. He endangers others. He’s arrogant, prideful, rageful, prone to outbursts of emotion and ultimately imperfect. The fact that he has such great power raises him above his peers, and those who train him begin to try to impede his process rather than give him - impetuous and unchallenged as he is - a position of wider influence. This leaves opportunity for Palpatine to prey on his feelings of how unfair this situation is. And ultimately? Anakin thinks he’s doing the right thing. He thinks he’s doing good because he’s been told it’s the right thing to do by someone he trusts.

"I see through the lies of the Jedi. I do not fear the dark side as you do. I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire."

Or paradise?

But Jack can be Luke too. The difference for Luke (just as it’s made clear in the scene of Jack in 13x04) is that he doesn’t want to become Anakin. Luke walks into that cave on Dagobah and in a nightmarish sequence this is the fear he’s presented with: that he and Vader have a great deal in common. (ftr he lops Vader’s head off and the mask explodes to reveal Luke’s face underneath) But it is this fear that allows Luke to choose his side.

This imo is a ray of hope for Jack. He knows what he wants to be: he wants to be good. He’s just not sure of what he’s feeling.

Which leads me to Spock.

Spock is also Jack. Now if you don’t know anything about Star Trek, you probably believe the hype: Spock is a green blooded alien freak from the planet Vulcan. He’s not. Spock is a half breed, half human and half Vulcan, and that’s why I’m going to compare him to Jack. That’s where these layers come from.

Vulcans breeding with humans is seen as a taboo, you see. It’s just not done. There’s all sorts of reasons for this (such as mating rituals) but among them is that Vulcans see humans as emotionally volatile (and unenlightened because of it). A half human child, therefore, is equally prone to this volatility. Spock attends Vulcan schools where he has disputes with other children and basically has to try twice as hard to BE Vulcan to prove that his human half doesn’t make him less than. This troubles his father, of course, because Sarek did fall in love with a human woman (two actually) and he loves and admires the humanity in his son. But Sarek - being wholly Vulcan - is never able to actually express this. Spock didn’t find out the true depth of his father’s feelings until he mindmelded with Picard in season 5 of TNG). Anyway, I’m wandering off topic.

The thing about Vulcans that is overlooked by haphazard pop culture references is that they do feel emotions. They feel them with deep intensity, but through societal pressure/meditation they’ve built a resilience to expressing them--a resilience that fractures every time their hormones go crazy. Spock struggles with his emotions because he has two conflicting halves to contend with, human volatile emotionality and Vulcan intensity with deliberate emotional repression. He is unemotional because he’s gone to pains to suppress it in the past, and identifying and empathizing/sympathizing with those emotions isn’t something his upbringing has trained him to do. Spock chooses to focus on his Vulcan side. As a consequence this half-Vulcan raised on Vulcan acts like a Vulcan because he doesn’t understand the emotions of the people around him, and is detached from something that a human upbringing could have taught him. Spock represents, therefore, an interesting example of duality because it is his choice which defines him:

Data: “As you examine your life, do you find you have missed your Humanity?" Spock: "I have no regrets." Data: "'No regrets.' That is a Human expression." Spock: "Yes. Fascinating."

(For those who don’t know Data’s story is more like Castiel’s, it’s a story about aspiring toward inachievable humanity)

(Author’s note: If you want an idea of how Vulcan culture works, it’s like imagine Toxic Masculinity: The Planet but instead of men being subtly forced to hide their vulnerability it’s generations of very long living, stubborn people being subtly forced to hide their emotions entirely. Nope, that still sounds like Earth)

So Jack is dumped in Dean and Sam’s world, fully grown, surrounded by all these emotions. He FEELS DEEPLY. He has strong and volatile emotions, just like Spock, that he has no understanding of how to demonstrate. Take, for example, that Jack went in to Mia and asked her to become his mother, the deep and intense emotion that motivated that arrangement. There is genuine emotion there, but Jack doesn’t know what to call it, how to identify with it, or if the feeling is good or bad (which is the greatest issue of all because he Does Not Want To Be Bad)--he only knows that it hurts. But what is he supposed to do with that hurt? Man up, maybe?

That Jack’s powers, therefore, are linked to his expressions of emotion is particularly interesting. Outbursts of emotion have been linked to power before in the show, and specifically parallels to Max Miller were brought up in this episode too. That’s no surprise. But Jack’s power is angelic in origin, so his being able to express it through emotion, which is arguably unangelic (though I have opinions on that, damn it) is a whole other kettle of cod.

Jack has been dumped in a world of emotion without the ability to empathize or sympathize. He’s trying, but it’s no surprise he’s having difficulty. Unlike Castiel who had years to begin to learn emotion long before he became human, Jack has been thrown in at the deep end, and it’s not helped at all that these tidepools of human grief are his window on that world because the one thing Sam and Dean aren’t being at the moment is emotionally consistent.

Anyway. I’d been staring at this gifset @elizabethrobertajones made and literally couldn’t put my inner trekkie to sleep. I’m sure this was meant to make more sense than it did originally, but it’s just my take on it. Both Anakin and Spock canonically experience strong emotions and both are taught by the institutions meant to train them that those emotions are dangerous. In Anakin’s case emotion helps him harness greater power. Both have to struggle with their duality, and both face prejudgement because of it. Ultimately despite their differences they both have to make a choice. Unfortunately for Jack, he has to deal with both aspects of his duality as a nephilim and whether his powers/emotions or possible lack of each make him good or evil.

Which leaves him struggling with one question: Who am I?

[thedogsled]

Coda 13x04: Sleep No More! (Castiel doth murder sleep!)

To read on AO3 (or find my other codas) please click here!

Once upon a time, but also before time, before the confluence of existence coincidentally created the concept of chaos, before duality and binary broke everything into two conflicting halves--there was nothing.

Except, well, that wasn’t really true, because even nothing couldn’t exist without the context of everything to exist alongside it, and this was before everything, and so therefore not really nothing either.

Nameless it existed and did not exist, because nothing existed to give it context, and so it was peaceful and simple and seemingly eternal, a blissful state of it that satisfied it immensely.

And then along came something.

Perhaps the duality came out of it’s thoughts. Perhaps it was it’s question What am I? that insisted on context, because the next thing it knew Duality existed, and so did Death, who waited quietly in anticipation until such time as this new Life could be extinguished.

 Worst of all, though? Duality was noisy.

 It contemplated Duality. The Darkness it rather liked. She seemed to like the quiet too. The Light was a smarmy little pest with ideas far above his station. The Light realized quite quickly the power that he had, and he indulged in non-accidental Creation. Silly goose. If he’d known how unpleasant the creation of Duality had been in the first place, maybe he wouldn’t have been so swift to create so many stupid things.

 Duality did not like each other. Duality had constant fights about who was right and who was wrong, concepts among many others that made it’s head spin, and it began to realize just what it was, or rather what it had become now that something else existed. It became part of duality, whether it liked it or not, because duality was awake while it was asleep. Duality was everything, and it was nothing. Duality was full and it was Empty.

 But that was perfectly fine, because while Duality was noisy it generally tended to stay well away from it, indulging itself in all of its awake things far away in the place which was full of everything. The Empty was quiet. The Empty kept itself to itself. The Empty did what it did best: it slept.

 Duality did not sleep. Duality created and it destroyed, which was all very well until the Light created something it could not contain.

 Cosmic power such as The Empty had, and which Duality (and Death) had been created from, was endless. The Empty had become half of itself when Duality came into existence, and now the Light was creating things out of its own cosmic power—things that could never be destroyed; things that were endless too. That was all very well when those endless things contained the tiniest fraction of power, something the Light called souls. The Light could build homes for those souls, and keep the cosmic power safe in perpetuity. But it also made powerful cosmic things and called them archangels, and those were a much bigger problem.

 The Light only made four of these cosmic things to begin with. He named them Michael, Lucifer, Raphael and Gabriel. And then, when one of his things, Lucifer, was poisoned in the Light’s attempts to lock away half of it’s own Duality, it created even more things out of its own cosmic power so that it could fight Lucifer and his influence. And Lucifer, because he had no more restraint than his own creator, made even more even more things out of his own cosmic power.

 Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

 That was when it started. Some of the things killed some of the other things, and Death? Boy was it flummoxed. It could collect the tiny little souls of dead things and put them away in the Light’s storecupboards of its own power, but what was it supposed to do with higher concentrations of cosmic power when they died?

 Simple. Death put them in the Empty.

 What an asshole.

 They were noisy. These parts of the Light did not belong here. They jostled about the Empty and were generally a nuisance, making everything much less empty than it had been before. Their existence was a blight on everything that the Empty thought he was, and when he complained to Death about it, Death just shrugged and told him to speak to the Light.

 Which would be fine except the Light was missing.

 That little upstart jerk! When the Empty caught up to him, he’d be in for it then! It had put up with a lot of crap over the years but this really took it to a whole new level.

 But what to do about all the things? What was it supposed to do about them? They couldn’t carry on about the place making such a riot, the Empty simply couldn’t stand it.

 So he made a deal with Death. Death would be allowed to put anything here it needed to – anything at all – so long as those things were all asleep. If they slept then they wouldn’t bother the Empty much at all. He liked sleep, and the angels and demons wouldn’t wake him up if they were dozing too. No. He would be content, so long as they were always sleeping.

 So long as they were always sleeping, his deal with Death would stand.

 So long as they always stayed asleep.

[spncanonbigbang]

Cleanse the Waters

Title: Cleanse the Waters

Author: li_izumi

Artist: ThePlaidFox

Pairing: Destiel (pre-slash)

Rating: Teen (for swearing and suggestive sexual content)

No Major Archive Warnings

Tags: Coda, Hurt/Comfort, Outsider POV, Aquaphobia, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Dean’s man pain, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Because Canon, Temporary Major Character Death, dramatic use of dramatic irony, Angst with a Hopeful Ending Episode: s07e02 Hello Cruel World, Episode: s07e17 The Born-Again Identity, Episode: s09e03 I’m no Angel, Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can’t Wait, Episode: s09x10 Road Trip, Episode: s10e21 Dark Dynasty, Episode: s11e18 Hell’s Angel, Episode: s13x04 The Big Empty

Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Meg (Supernatural), Original Male Character, Rowena Macleod, Charlie Bradbury, Crowley (Supernatural), Lucifer (Supernatural), The Empty (Supernatural)

Summary: Castiel’s multitude of sins haunt him in ways all too human, but water cannot cleanse him when he is drowning in his own guilt. Over the years, he’s tried to ignore his fear–after all, no one needs a broken angel–but he keeps failing and needing to be saved by those he should be saving. If Castiel is ever to be absolved, he must overcome his fear and walk into the water alone.

Coming July 8th