#sabby rambles

[fawnchives]

sabrina carpenter really said ‘i like your soul when it’s shirtless’ i don’t think y’all be hearing my girl like i do for real for real…….

[a-sirens-wings]

Hellooooo!!!

This is my aesthetic side blog attached to my nsfw blog ( @puppy-sabby ), so obviously mdni :))) I’m 18, she/they, and pansexual.

Cancer ☀️ Virgo 🌙 Leo 🌌

Gonna have a lot of rambles and such that would’ve muddied up my nsfw acc. Also lots of yearning but that’s to be expected :3

DNI bigots of all types, pro lifers, terfs, the usual- ESPECIALLY EDTUMBLR.

#🩵🪽 are pictures taken by me

#૮₍´｡ᵔ ꈊ ᵔ｡`₎ა are rambles!

#🐚🪷 are song obsessions

#🩷🪽 are drawings!!

[g1rlbl0gging]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* hey!! ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

✩ you can call me sabrina or sabby

✩ alter in a system

✩ my prns are she/her and im bi (i think)

✩ bodily a minor but I’m an age slider

✩ I like music and playing the guitar, drawing and writing, and coquette / angelcore aesthetics

✩ my fav artists are lana del ray, conan grey, girl in red, ricky montgomery, mitski, and amy winehouse

✩ main sys blog is @sw33t-as-saccharin3

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧ love to have you stay for a bit <3 ✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

✩ tags n other stuff ✩

~ sabby.speaks <- general talking and stuff

~ sabby’s fits <- my silly little outfits

~ ranting.n.raving <- ramblings and rants and other nonsense

~ sabby’s art <- my art

~ sabby’s music <- my compositions, poetry, and covers

✩ dni ✩

pr0 @na / pr0 3d, pro ship, discourse focused, syscourse, Endos and supporters (neutral is ok), radfem /terf, probably missing something. i will just block you if I’m uncomfortable with your blog

[sabbywrites]

Let’s talk.

This is a long post that also happens to be long overdue. Also posted as a thread to my twitter (tl;dr at end). 

Hi everyone. It’s been a while. I’ve been debating for a little bit on how to write this, going back and forth between feeling scared and feeling determined to say what I want to say. I’m finally at a point where I can confidently say: let’s talk.

First, I want to say this: I’m sorry. I haven’t been very consistent these past two years, with both my writing and with keeping in touch with everyone I’ve met online. If you’re reading this and I haven’t spoken to you in a while, know this: I will be getting in touch with you soon. I haven’t forgotten the amazing people I call friends.

If you folks will have me, I’d love to catch up with everyone I haven’t talked to during my absence. I want to make one thing very, very clear— me being gone was never about me not wanting to talk to the people on here or participate in this community. The thing I regret the most about being gone is leaving people in the dark. If my absence has in any way, shape, or form hurt you, I cannot begin to apologize enough from the bottom of my heart. That was never my intention, although intentions don’t fix the hurt caused.

I want to discuss the reason for my absence, so please bear in mind that I’m not trying to excuse being gone— just explain why.

Some of you may know that I have three diagnosed mental conditions that have mostly been manageable through medication and therapy. When I first started writing online, I was halfway through undergrad and I wanted a place where I could put my writing so people might enjoy it. I found that pretty quickly on Ao3. As I worked on getting my writing degree, I would spend hours and hours working on what became ASID. I was thrilled beyond belief when ASID drew in readers who left wonderful comments.

I have a huge amount of love in my heart for everyone who has ever read any of my works, and I wouldn’t change anything about that. Ever. But as I graduated from college, I started noticing that my mental health was on a sharp decline that it hadn’t been on since high school. I tried to keep it at bay for a while, because I was sure I would bounce back.

I did not.

I began to take small breaks as I jumped into graduate school. I feel very purposeless without school in the background of my life; I’d gotten a degree that a lot of people in my life implied was useless, and with every break I took I felt more and more like an imposter. What’s a writer who doesn’t write? Had I gotten my degree for nothing? I trudged on through grad school and received my Masters in May. It still didn’t feel right. I felt like a failure.

Every time I logged on to talk to friends or check my comments, a voice in the back of my head kept popping up. I was getting older and less motivated. Life outside of undergrad hit me all at once. Nothing I wrote felt good enough to post. The amount of debt I was in already made me ill, and I went through four years of schooling just to feel like the degree I earned was for nothing.

There’s a weird misconception that artists have to be suffering to make good art. We have to be low to do our best. And I was low, lower than I had been since the absolute worst days of my life, and I still couldn’t produce anything. The pain wasn’t enough to jump-start me. What worth did I have, then? What worth does someone who has put their heart into their writing have if they can’t write anymore?

I mistakenly felt like I was an imposter among genuine people, like the friends I had made and the writers I admired were on the other side of a window, in a place I couldn’t get into. When the pandemic rolled around, things had already been teetering on the edge. I won’t sit here and pretend that I got hit any worse than anyone else during 2020— I had a roof over my head and a place to go during my state’s lockdown. But there was ample time, and yet I still wasn’t writing. I couldn’t even do that right. I had to rawdog my mental illness for a stretch, live in a town where the worst trauma of my life had happened to me, and feel like a total, complete, garbage failure every single day. Logging in was more and more of a reminder that I was dead weight.

Financially, I wasn’t doing much better. In the past year or so, I’ve had to provide for myself living on my own on an nonprofits’s pay (not much), as well as occasionally provide for my uncle. I’d thought that by my mid-twenties my life would be different; that I’d be better. In the last few months, it’s become clear that I require surgery for something that may not yet be able to be covered by my insurance; my options now are to wait for it to progress and get worse for coverage or pay out of pocket for the surgery sooner. It’s likely I will need a second one afterwards to completely correct my issues.

For a while, that just made the idea of writing again feel selfish. Why spend time interacting with the community when I should be working to make money because I wasn’t eligible for the stimulus? Why sit down and write something that I would probably just scrap anyway? There’s a lot of other more personal things that happened during my absence that I won’t delve into, including the passing of our family dog. I’m sorry if this seems vague as well, or if it appears that I’m just trying to make excuses— I’m not. Ever since I was younger, I’ve always kind of receded in on myself any time I feel anxious or like a phony. I know it’s not a good habit.

So that’s why I’m here right now, writing this. If I could go back and tell myself that those things I thought about myself weren’t true— that I deserve to have fun in this community and I deserve to talk to the people I care about— I would. But unfortunately, I can’t do that. All I can do is move forward.

I’m not going to sit here and promise that things will be the way that they were back when I first started; not right away, at least. But as of lately I’ve been letting myself peek at my Tumblr dash every so often or log into my Ao3 to see my comments. Those things used to scare me— and they still kind of do right now— but I can’t let them anymore. Joining this community is one of the best things I have ever done. I mean that. The people I’ve met, the comments I’ve received, hell even the discourse I’ve jumped in on— I wouldn’t trade any of it. Things might be overwhelming for a little bit as I adjust to being back after so long, but I want to be here. I want to let myself be happy again.

If you’ve read this far— thank you. Thank you so much for your love and for your patience. Like I said before, I cannot stress enough that my absence was because of myself alone and had nothing to do with my amazing friends on here or the community. If I haven’t messaged you in a long time— again, I apologize. I really, really did drop off. But the only way I can be better at being consistent with the people I care about is by holding myself accountable, not shrinking away.

It may take me a few days to really sort through all of my unread messages and comments and asks and give them the attention they deserve. But I promise, I’ll reach out to everyone whenever I’ve taken the time to do so. Thank you all for being there even when I am not.

Tl;dr—Mentally and financially, I’ve been struggling a lot this past year. I fell back into bad habits of receding into myself and leaving people in the dark, and I really wish I hadn’t. I’d love to be a more active part of this community again. I love all of you so, so much. 

[antsyserpentine]

Today is Easter and our lord and savior Felix has arisen.

I was at work today and had this image in my head and it needed to be done

[sabasaurus-rex]

u ever wanna cry not bc anything is wrong but bc u have so much pent up ??? something ??? and that feels like what u gotta do but u cant? thats me rn

[gallavictorious]

ok so your ficlet about kids at high school hearing about mickey and ian dating and being like "wait, wasn't he dating mandy?" had me thinking of a similar concept with lip thrown in the mix for added confusion and humor. like "wait isn't ian dating mandy?" "no that's lip." "ian dated her before lip" "wait when did ian and mandy break up" "which milkovich and which gallagher are dating??" "yes" "???"

Aaaaaah, yeeeees! Nonnie, you're quite right! That would have been even better, and I mourn the missed opportunity – but I am delighted by the picture you've painted for me now. XD So many questions, so much confusion:

“Okay, but did Mandy ditch Ian for Lip or did Ian ditch Mandy for Mickey?” - “Is this why Lip and Ian were having a fist fight under the L?” - “Do you think Lip ever dated Mickey?” And on and on and on...

(And now with Debbie and Sandy becoming a thing... just give it a few years and when the old high school gossips meet up for drinks they just happen to spy our girls being girlfriends nearby and cue the “hang on, isn't that Debbie Gallagher and a Milkovich?” - “No way, don't you remember in high school when Mandy was dating Ian and Lip and then Ian dated Mickey, and now Debbie's dating another one of them?” - “ Jesus. What is it with those families, is there like a law that they all have to date each other? Who's dating Iggy?” - “Gotta be the younger brother, Carl, right, he's the only one left... “)

(… and hey, wait now here a tiny little second... While I don't see Carl and Iggy dating I am suddenly struck by their potential for being BFF:s. They're both kind of well-meaning but clueless disasters, into crime and guns and girls, and yeah, they could totally hit it off, if ever given the opportunity! You can see it right? I mean, it'd be a disaster, because they'd get into so much dumb trouble, but... they'd probably have a bit of fun, and of course Mickey would be there to (reluctantly) save their asses once they've stumbled too far into madness.

Yeah. That's a thing I'll be thinking about now.)

[kittykalliarts]

Seeing 10th class ocs on my main dash makes me wanna draw my own that i deleted never posted

i still have saboteur old design on my main where i used to post art but hnnn dont look for it, she belongs in the depths of ancient posts

[anstina]

Heyyy how was your day?

[awholelotofladybug]

A Regal Invitation: A Stammering Adrien AU Moment

Based on this AU.

Sabrina is going with Chloé to see Prince Ali, at his request, and she can’t help but feel self-conscious

Sabrina: *looking at her teeth in the mirror.

Chloé: Sabbykins, relax. You look fine.

Sabrina: I just hope Prince Ali thinks so. I mean, the guy’s a prince. I probably look like some sort of peasant to him

Male voice: You look okay to me.

Sabrina: *oblivious* Thanks, but if I’m still not so sure about... *turns around and sees the prince* EEP!

Prince Ali: *blushing* Hello again, Sabrina, Chloé. I am so glad you could be here.

Sabrina: *turns bright red and giggles excessively* W-Well, you know, hard to turn down an invitation from royalty. N-Not that that’s the only reason we would come visit, I mean, that is, I mean....*nervous rambling*

Chloé: *takes Sabrina* Would you excuse us for a minute? *takes Sabrina somewhere private*

Sabrina: *still rambling*

Chloé: Sabrina! Snap out of it! Breathe!

Sabrina: *deep breath* Thanks, Chloé.

Chloé: Okay, now, are you ready?

Sabrina:*another deep breath* Let’s do it. *walks toward Ali*

Prince Ali: *facetiming Adrien on the phone* She's heading this way.

Adrien: Okay. Get ready. Just remember, s-s-something small, like the movies.

Prince Ali: I know. Okay, here I go... *approaches Sabrina*

Sabrina: *tries to maintain her composure, and bows* Your highness.

Prince Ali: *clears throat* Miss Sabrina, if it is not too much trouble, I was wondering if you would like to attend the cinema with me.

Sabrina: *blushes* A movie? You mean, with you, me, Adrien and Chloé?

Prince Ali: *blushes* Actually, I was hoping to that it would only be you and me. If that is okay

Sabrina: *internal screaming as she looks to Chloé*

Chloé: *Nods and mouths “yes” repeatedly*

Sabrina: *grins then turns back to Ali* I would love to. When should we go? Prince Ali: Does tonight sound good? There will be a romantic movie

Sabrina: *gets all goo-goo eyed* Tonight sounds amazing.

Prince Ali: *smiles* Wonderful. I will see you then. *walks off*

Sabrina: *waits until he’s far enough away, then squeals* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *hugs Chloé* I did it! I did it! I have a date with Prince Ali!! *kisses Chloé’s cheek* Merci Beaucoup, Chloé! Merci Beaucoup!

Chloé: *laughs and hugs her* Okay, Sabby. Save your kisses for the prince. 

Sabrina: *gasps loudly* I need to get ready!

Chloé: *takes her bestie’s hand* Come on. Let’s get you a new dress for your date.

[readandwritesilver]

can we just,,,,,, can everyone shut up with the debbie discourse for two seconds because i have had a Thought while sitting on my bed and analyzing her character,,,,,,,

you know the scene on the porch around the end of season ten (i think its 10.11, but i could be wrong) where her and sandy are teasing carl about his “undercover cop” thing,,,,, ok so bear with me for a second right these are the ramblings of whatever the gender neutral term for madman is,,,,

ok so like that scene makes me think of something. i already brought up the parallels between both sabbie/dandy (imo dandy is cuter but sabbie seems more popular) and s1-3 gallavich, as well as the parallels between sandy and debbie individually in s1-3 in this post. i go into a lot more detail but the summary of it is that debbie and sandy, both individually and in their relationship, reflect what gallavich could have been in the early seasons but didnt have the chance to, mainly because of one terry milkovich.

(cutting this because its fucking LONG man, sorry. i get really fired up about the parallels in this show because like,,, not to compliment the writing on shameless but they kinda make me go a little feral)

so, anyways, the porch scene.

throughout the first five seasons, all the way up until she leaves, we see glimpses at the dynamic of mickey, mandy, and ian as a group. but it’s never really allowed to thrive, first because of mickey, and then because on k*nyatta.

the reason k*nyatta interfered with mandy’s relationships with the two of them don’t really need to be explained. he was an abusive and manipulative peice of shit, end of story. but i want to look more at s1-3, where mickey was the one preventing it.

i think that in his head, ian was separate from everything else. ian was essentially his escape, even if he would never even admit it to himself (though he actually does admit it, to some degree, after yev’s christening in 4.11). notice how reluctant he is to let any part of what he has with ian interact with his family in any way, how when he’s with both mandy and ian at the same time (or, honestly, with any other human being and ian at the same time) he essentially pretends ian doesn’t exist, how he freaks out when ian makes any kind of effort to hang out with him but invites him to stay over the SECOND his family is out of town.

there are practical reasons for this, and the biggest one rhymes with berry bilkovich, but part of it is also that i think mickey needs to let ian be his own. anyone that grew up with abusive/manipulative parents (and this isn’t just me projecting, ive had this conversation with other people from shitty homes that have agreed) can tell you that, essentially, nothing is your own as soon as your abuser knows about it. it becomes fuel to their fire. and i think that mandy (and the rest of his siblings, as he clearly had a relationship with them, even if it was different than it was with her) were an extension of this. again, there are obviously practical reasons for this in that he had no way of knowing whether he could trust them (though it seems unlikely ian never told mickey mandy knew he was gay.) and there was a reasonable chance he would have been in just as much danger as if his dad found out, but i think this was only part of his reasoning.

so, going back to sandy, debbie, and carl.

i think that the three of them are an important addition to everything i already went over with dandy/sabbie and gallavich. obviously sandy isn’t really in season ten very much, and most of her time is spent with mickey dealing with wedding stuff and debbie is in no way involved (with the exception of the one time sandy texts her about franny,). but in the scenes that she does have with debbie, like i said in my last post, sandy is already at the point that mickey is after a lot of work, despite their (theoretically) reasonable age gap. yes,  there are practical reasons for this from a show-running perspective and yes we don’t know much about her pre-s10, i’m aware of all of this, but it’s not really relevant. the point is that sandy is clearly already comfortable with her family (mainly mickey, but she also point blank says to terry & several random milkoviches that she’s gay and receives no reaction, meaning it isn’t news) knowing not just about her sexuality, but also about her and debbie. sure, she never has a conversation of any kind with anyone about debbie, but, not only do they dance together at the wedding, but they have sex in 10.11 in an old, shitty house with most likely very thin walls with everyone there. also the bowtie scene, while it’s technically only them, once again theoretically happens in the kitchen of a house with other people in it.

ok, so, now that i’ve rambled for far too long, the porch scene.

i ADORE this scene. i think it sets up a fucking wonderful dynamic that i hope in my heart of hearts isn’t forgotten in s11. sandy telling carl he smells like shit and that he’s “not a very good [undercover cop]”, carl calling her “milk”, the three of them sharing the joint, it’s poetic cinema. and the fact that the pivotal moment in debbie and sandy’s (until that point) casually flirty relationship happens right after? i have a lot of problems with the writing on shameless because of how they handle the way that certain stories progress, but this scene is one of the things that i fucking love about the writing on this show. it’s one scene that’s, like, three minutes max and here i am rambling on for paragraphs about it. we already see an easy relationship building between the three of them, and it has a lot of potential to go even further.

so, this is all kind of building on my original post. but we’re seeing them, pretty much immediately, get a dynamic that mickey, ian, and mandy could have had, but were denied because of circumstances totally out of their control. granted, sandy and carl aren’t really friends yet, but we’ve been shown time and time again that gallaghers and milkoviches are kind of just drawn to eachother, so i don’t think it’s a reach at all (especially if sandy is still hanging around in s11, which i think she probably will be, between mickey and debbie) to say theres a reasonable chance it could happen.

obviously there’s no equivalent to lip in this situation, and i suppose they could just introduce a random milkovich for carl, but i honestly wouldn’t want that. to be fair, they managed to do start a decent romance with debbie and sandy pretty quickly, but i just feel like it would come off as forced and/or rushed. besides the fact that, as much as i loved lip and mandy together, and have always loved lip as a character, he honestly never really fit into the dynamic all that well. there wasn’t even a particular reason why he never worked as a part of the little group at any stage, he just didn’t, (which is fine).

TL;DR: Sandy, Debbie, and Carl could (either in s11 or post-canon, though i think the latter is more likely) become something similar to the sweet little “two of us are banging, two of us are siblings, and two of us are best friends” group that mandy, mickey, and ian never got the chance at, and i think it’s pretty damn neat.

[treadinguniversitywaters]

Quick announcement

I haven’t posted anything on this blog for a while and that’s for a couple of reasons. It’s summer, so the only work I’m doing is work in advance for my fall semester classes. I also have limited access to wifi at the moment, so I’m not nearly as active on Tumblr (and it’ll be like this until early August). I’m gonna try to remember to take pictures of some things I’m working on, but this blog should be back up and running in August! Thanks for putting up with me y’all  💕 💕

[itslocus-notlocust]

‪Hey. Just a little PSA, I will not be online at all tomorrow. I have a lot of homework and work stuff that I need to take care of, and if I manage to get everything done, I’ll be back my Sunday or Monday at the latest.‬

‪I love you guys. Take care.‬ ❤️❤️❤️

[sabbywrites]

response to an anon

hiya! this might seem a little... strange, that i’m making a text post response to an anon ask i’ve gotten recently, but in order to protect the identity of the person involved i’ve chosen not to publish it. 

it came to my attention that there was a piece published bearing some similarities to something i wrote a while back. I contacted the author, and we had an amazing discussion. it turns out that there was a lot of factors at play, and the author was absolutely not at fault for these similarities. the author provided me with clear proof of this, and i 100% believe them when they said they meant absolutely no harm in publishing the piece. 

i’d like to thank this author for taking the time to discuss this with me so we could get to the bottom of what really happened, and i would also like to thank the person who sent me the ask alerting me to the similarities. sorry if this is vague, but again i would like to protect the identity of this author as these similarities were through no fault of their own and they were extremely willing to work with me to reach an understanding about the piece. Both people (asker and author) did their due diligence and for that i could not be more thankful.

hope you’re all having a good day or night!

[antsyserpentine]

Amazon’s straight up calling me out here.

[gallavictorious]

I enjoy Sabbie for a variety of reasons, but one of them is indubitably the fact that their ship name is highly reminiscent of the casual Swedish word for 'to sabotage' (ie. 'sabba') and that... just feels appropriate.