#safe unless there's a trans specific one next to it. i just can't trust the space not to be obligatory but unwanted inclusion of trans ...

[talisidekick]

Transphobe: "You're a man."

Me: "LMAO! Looking like *this*? You need your eyes checked."

Queer Transphobe: "You're a man."

Me, on my knees like I just had my heart ripped out of my chest: "Et tu, Brutus?"

[amuseoffyre]

I was reading the interview with Jes Tom about the trans allegory of Ed dropping his leathers overboard and my brain latched onto it and started gnawing :D

It got me thinking that this definitely vibes with feelings I had back in 1x10 with Izzy keeping this emotionally vulnerable version of Blackbeard safely hidden from public view ("you will not speak of what you see on pain of death"), Lucius encouraging Ed to express himself and the whole "this… whatever it is that you have become" scene.

Ed says it there himself "I am still Blackbeard" and Izzy flat-out tells him he's not unless he presents himself a specific way, dresses and acts a specific way ('this is Blackbeard'.) Simply being "Edward" and expressing himself and his emotions means that Ed faces hostility, derision, implicit threat and "I should have let the English kill you".

Ed pulls on his leathers again again because he's been threatened by someone close to him, but this time it's different - the intent is different. No more "I am still Blackbeard" because apparently his version of Blackbeard isn't enough (and this is already on the back of Stede saying "you can't be Blackbeard without your black beard"). Now it's "the kraken" or "the fucking devil".

More importantly, when he puts the clothes back on, he does it based on one of the propaganda pictures distributed by the English. This isn't his choice of presentation anymore. I find it fascinating that his look at the beginning of S2 is some kind of hybrid of the Mad Devile Pyrate Blackbeard and the image that Izzy shoved in his face in 1x10. (Also love the detail that Izzy's image has elements that appear in Black Pete's fantasy of Blackbeard, to confirm that this image isn't accurate either)

It's a defensive pushback, escalating to the 'viking vampire clown' aesthetic, because if he's being threatened by someone he trusted and he's had past experience of people being nice to him then turning on him ('it's a fickle crowd'), he'll have to go to another extreme to make sure no one will get close enough to hurt him or threaten him again.

The clothing is only a surface element. It's part of an armour to protect himself with his presentation. Stede's line in 1x03 explains it in a nutshell - "It's a power move - make people feel underdressed and suddenly, you're the one in charge". People don't know him/aren't afraid of him when they see him without it (the party ship - "do you know who I am?") and this carries over into S2 as well (the people at the fish shack).

It only hit me now that every scene where he expresses his emotions when he's in his leathers includes some kind of hiding - his hair loose around his face, hiding under a robe in Stede's bath tub, standing at the back of the ship where no one can see his face, closing himself away to cry in an empty room, hiding under a blanket at Mary and Anne's. He's been forced to hide his vulnerabilities when he's in his armour for decades.

Even when he's talking to Stede (and others), he doesn't express his real intentions. It's all skirting around what he actual wants and feels. The "run me through", the "next adventure" - Ed doesn't feel he can express what he wants directly, because he always has to keep his guard up.

The beginning of 2x07 is Ed wanting to shed the need for that surface armour, that visible shield for Edward. He drops them overboard and immediately goes and talks to Stede about his emotions and his feelings for the first time.

The fact that Izzy saw the leather-drop and this time says "maybe you should listen to it" instead of tearing him down shows how far they've come. Ed feels safe with Stede and wants to just be himself, but when faced with the idea of staying in the world where that armour - that presentation and the expectations that come with it - is necessary again, he panics and runs.

Then their entire world is burning and as far as he knows, Stede is injured or dead.

Once again, the leathers come back, but this time, Ed is the one who chooses to put them on. He's taking this piece of himself that he has hated for years and turns it back into the armour that has protected him for this long to get back to Stede. Him having that choice, making that choice, is key.

I think the biggest thing is him realising he can be Blackbeard and Ed and whoever he wants to be without cutting off pieces of himself. So much of the Blackbeard presentation has been code-switching and hiding his real self. This time, he doesn't hide. He finds a letter and has a cry over it and the instant he's back at Stede's side, he drops his weapon and, for the first time, kisses Stede out in the open in front of people and tells him he loves him.

Ed is no longer afraid to be seen and expressing himself. He's letting himself - all aspects of himself - be seen. The clothes aren't him. They just happen to be there while he is himself.

My expectation is that S3 will see him finally being able to leave that armour behind for good and I can't wait for it.

[redroom-rainbowguts]

💋 🕳 for white and 🗝 for grey?

💋- is gore sexual for you?

Grey: "Sexual? No, not at all. But I do find it romantic. I mean, it's bearing your literal essence to another person. I love learning about how people work- what makes them happy, angry, what makes them tick. To see my beloved laying before me, blood pumping, heart pounding, to see their everything. I want to feel them, get close enough to feel the warmth radiating from them. I can't help it, they're beautiful inside and out. So soft and delicate, and when they're letting me feel their organs? It's deeper than sex if you ask me. We're both nervous, hearts racing, being in a vulnerable position with someone you trust, discovering each other's bodies. It's thrilling! I'll never hurt them, and I hope they know that my affection goes both ways! I crave the day when my beloved can be trusted with my insides as much as they are forced to trust me with theirs ꨄ"

White: "Nah, it's definitely intimate but I wouldn't say sexual. I'm not getting off on cutting people open; I do it because it's fun and I find it interesting."

🕳-when killing do you feel empty or full of emotion?

Grey: "Not really. I don't really kill unless I have to, and even then it's either out of self defense or because someone hurt my beloved and proved they deserved it. Still, I typically just pawn them off on him (White). Makes things easier on both of us."

White: "It's complicated, actually. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy what I do, but the killing aspect is probably one of the least exciting parts. It means it's over, and the person is no longer of use to me. Scientists who work with animals, or at least lab mice, have a sort of... disconnected sadness when the experiment has come to its end and the mice are euthanized. I feel the joy version of that. It's something I do because I have to and it's a means to an end for all of us (Black, Grey, and White). Neither likes me but I'm the one keeping us stable and answering all the fucked up questions they have, so is it really so bad I enjoy that with a heaping dose of catharsis?"

🗝- what’s something about your interest that you’ve never told anyone before?

Grey: "Being on HRT essentially causes a body to go through the corresponding puberty, and the longer it's on HRT, the closer the internal function resembles that of its cis counterpart. That means that any illness or disease that has gender specific symptoms would affect a trans person in the way HRT has caused their body to develop. A trans man would feel a heart attack in the same way as a cis man, and it can be safely assumed a trans woman would feel it like a cis woman. Kinda sucks since afab symptoms aren't as well known but hopefully medicine gets less and less sexist as we learn more."

White: "When blood leaves the body, if you put it under a microscope immediately you can actually see all the individual blood cells still moving and trying to flow like normal. It takes about.. 5 minutes or so for them to actually start dying. It's almost sad to see the little cells look almost like they're breathing on the slide one minute and then completely still the next. Wanna see?"