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lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie · 1 year

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Prince of Hearts

Summary: Each side has a special sight, allowing them to see things according to their function. Like Virgil being able to see fears and worries physically or in someone’s mind. Roman can see too. As the prince of romance, he can see his fellow sides’ hearts, able to know when they’re heartbroken or healing. He’s grateful only he can see hearts though. Roman’s own heart is broken and he has yet to let it heal so no one needs to see that yet.

(A/N: It took me a long time but I've finally written this idea down! I'm dedicating this to my lovely dear @enigmasalad who stuck with me when I wanted to rip my own heart out. Thank you for healing my heart, mi amor!)

Pairings: Prinxiety if you squint, BROTHERLY CREATIVITWINS

WARNINGS: slight mention of blood, implied gore but no actual gore, slight description of a cut

Each of the sides have a special sight. They each can see things according to their functions.

Logan can see the logic of things and the factual aspect of things, allowing him to learn here and there as well as guide those who need it. Patton can see the others’ inner warmth, allowing him to see who is cold and hurting and in need of warm love. Virgil can see fears and worries, able to detect what’s scaring or worrying his little family so he can fight them off.

Remus can see the worst and darkest of thoughts and sometimes it’s delightful while other times…it’s just kinda sad. Of course, Janus can see lies and truths and through disguises that aren’t his. He can tell when something is even the slightest bit off with a person or object.

And Roman? He can see hearts.

Roman not only handles Thomas’ creativity, but he’s also romance and passion manifested. So, he is able to see the others’ hearts. He can see who’s low on love and passion. He can see where they’re healing, where they’ve been broken, and its little cracks and scars.

Roman has seen all of the others’ hearts and he’s glad they’re all healing little by little after everything that’s happened. He can still remember the many times he’s seen those precious hearts falling apart in pain and in dark times.

Roman remembers Patton’s heart and how it would crack more and more as he bottled up his feelings. He remembers how it burst in the end and it came back together when Patton accepted that he wasn’t okay and took some time to heal.

Roman also remembers Logan’s heart and how slow his heartbreak was, the logical side too stubborn to admit his feelings. He recalls how the heart throbbed more and more, wanting to burst but ending up crumbling into tiny pieces instead before slowly reforming again as if it had stronger reinforcements.

Then there was the time Roman saw Virgil’s wounded heart pounding in worry and fear. He remembers feeling pity for the poor thing, seeing such a scarred heart. It made Roman wonder what Virgil had gone through.

Then Roman saw Janus’ heart and half of it was broken and the other half was scarred. It made Roman feel guilty, wondering if he did that or if Janus had his own dark past. And then there’s Remus. Roman was a bit surprised to see Remus even had a heart but that surprise turned into heavy guilt as he saw Remus’ heart. It was heavily scarred and broken…and it looked like it had been mended over and over.

Then there was Roman’s own heart. It was…well…It was the biggest out of everyone’s, full of passion and love for his work and his family. It was loud and pounded with bravery and joy, exuding the creative energy he uses every day. At least that’s how it used to be when everything was okay. Then things weren’t okay and they never were again.

Roman’s heart weakened and shrunk as if were hollow. Then it shattered loudly like glass. Roman hadn’t know what to do or who to ask so he repaired his own heart.

But just as he had healed it…his heart had been broken again. So the vicious and painful cycle started. His heart would get broken and he’d repair it again.

Over and over and over it continued until Roman grew tired of trying to repair his heart. He accepted that it was broken forever and it couldn’t be healed so he gave up trying, taking advantage of the fact that no one can even see it.

Sometimes though…Roman looks at his heart and wishes he could rip it out along with his real heart. It’s a thought Remus would be proud of and concerned about but it’s one thought Roman can’t stop thinking of. It’s just…why keep something broken? Why have a heart if it only breaks over and over and it hurts?

Maybe Logan was right about not feeling things. Sadly, Roman can’t rip his heart out. He’s needed by Thomas. Or, well, his ideas are needed. His creative work is needed. Roman himself? Well, clearly the others have made it clear he isn’t needed.

The thoughts alone make Roman’s heart crack again. He’s lost count of how many cracks and scars he’s got across his heart. He doesn’t know anymore how many times he’s felt it throb and ache in pain. He’s used to all of it by now, ignoring the pain and the scars. He has an image to uphold and no one needs to see his battered, aching heart. Besides, they’ve all held his heart and left it destroyed. Why would he let them hold it again?

This is how Roman finds himself sitting in his chair at the dining table, having tuned out today’s discussion as he wasn’t needed yet. That stung a little but he doesn’t argue. Making a scene won’t do any good here. Instead, he keeps staring at his heart as it rests in his palm. It beats slowly, almost tiredly.

It used to be a bright red but it’s long faded over the years as his passion and love dwindled. His eyes then travel across the cracks and scars. His fingers twitch with the urge to crush the little thing into pieces until he can feel nothing. His thumb just barely digs into the surface. He doesn’t notice Remus or Janus watching him subtly.

Remus had long grown bored of the discussion as Patton babbled on and on about whatever. The intrusive side had stopped paying attention a while back. He had been chewing on the pen he stole from Logan when he glanced over at his twin. He can see him pressing at his palm with his thumb and he hums curiously, wondering what his brother is thinking of.

He usually doesn’t look into the others’ thoughts much since they’re often boring but he’s been peeking in on Roman’s lately. They’ve been growing more and more dark each day. It’s worrying though Remus will never admit that to anyone. So, Remus peeks into Roman’s mind and-

Just one squeeze…

It’ll hurt less…

Can’t trust them…

Want to rip it out…

It hurts…

Don’t want this anymore.

No more.

No-

Remus pulls out of those thoughts with a soft gasp which he quickly hides with a cough. He knows Janus saw him though and he shakes his head at Janus, mouthing a ‘later’ at him before glancing at Roman. The creative side is still staring at his hand, running his thumbnail across his palm over and over. It makes Remus grow a little concerned for his twin. Sure, he doesn’t act like it but he does care for Roman in his own ways.

Meanwhile, Roman is oblivious to everything, still running his thumb over his heart. It beats weakly, slowly, tiredly. He so badly wants to squeeze it until it breaks and bursts. He wants to rip it out and tear it into shreds. He’s tired of having a broken heart. It hurts too much and the others have no idea. Of course they don’t. They can’t see it. They can’t see his heart. They can’t see-

“Roman?”

Roman jumps, blinking as he’s pulled away from his darkening thoughts.

“Y-Yes?”

“I was asking you a question. Are you lost in your daydreams again?” Logan asks, that stern look on his face.

“I-I’m sorry, Specs. I suppose I was.” Roman smiles sheepishly.

Janus hides his one glowing eye as him and Remus glance at the prince.

Logan merely adjusts his glass.

“I’m not surprised. Please do pay attention. This discussion is beneficial for our next meeting with Thomas. Even if Creative input may not be needed.” he lectures before returning to the original topic.

Remus has to resist throwing another shuriken at the logical side’s forehead for that harsh comment. He glances at Roman again. His twin is staring at it his hand again and he frowns. The intrusive side peeks into his twin’s thoughts again.

No daydreams.

Daydreams are bad.

I’ll rip my brain out too.

After I rip my heart out.

My heart hurts.

I don’t want my heart.

No more heart.

No more pain.

They can’t see anyways.

They can’t see.

They don’t see-

Remus pulls out of those thoughts and glances at his twin. Is that what he sees? His own heart? He blinks and gazes at Roman, eyebrows slightly creased in concern. He doesn’t see what heart Roman is thinking about. He’s still…staring at his hand, dragging the nail of his thumb across the dry skin of his palm over and over as if he were trying to cut something.

It makes Remus want to say something but not even a little nasty thought comes to mind. It’s quiet in his head and it terrifies him. Remus can’t do much but squirm in his seat out of restlessness. As he shifts in his seat again, he hears Janus hiss softly.

“Janus?” Remus whispers, glancing at him in worry.

“Roman…he’s lying.” Janus mutters, pulling the brim of his hat down to hide the glow of his eye once again. “I can hear them.”

Janus looks over to Roman again. He hadn’t meant to tune into the prince’s dark thoughts but he could practically hear the lies screaming inside the Creative side. He’s heard the others’ lies but they were more like hushed whispers. Secrets not meant to be ever, ever told.

Roman’s, however, sounded like a cacophony of cries. It’s like the prince was hoping someone would hear them if it screamed loud enough. And it seemed to grow ever louder.

IT DOESN’T HURT

IT’S OKAY

I’M OKAY

“Shit.” Janus hisses softly, biting his lip.

“Jan?” Remus squeezes his arm.

“His lies. They sound so agonizing.”

The two glance at Roman.

“Oh, RoRo…what’s going on in that messy head of yours?” Remus whispered.

The rest of the meeting continues as Logan lectures on and on. Remus and Janus continue watching Roman as said prince continues to remain oblivious. He barely registers if anyone is watching him. He hasn’t noticed Virgil glance his way with an anxious look or Janus letting out another soft hiss. He doesn’t hear Remus whimper softly out of worry for his twin. He doesn’t even move when Patton says his name or when Logan gives him a disappointed glance that makes Remus want to rip the logical side’s face off.

Roman just keeps staring at his heart. His thumb running over the growing cracks and digging deeper with each line. Just one rip or squeeze. Anything to rip this old heart apart. Just one tear or two or three and maybe it won’t hurt anymore. He starts to count the lines with each trace.

One, two, three more times he drags his thumbnail, driving it into the ravine of his glass heart.

Four, five, six more and he hardly notices the angry red line he’s creating on the palm of his hand.

Seven, eight, nine lines he’s traced, trying to dig even deeper. Deep enough to severe this wounded heart into pieces.

Ten-

“RoRo, stop, you’re bleeding!”

Roman blinks and gazes down at his hand. The heart isn’t there anymore. Just his hand…His bloody hand…Roman stares at his hand again a little longer, wishing it were his heart instead. He frowns and runs his thumb over the line again, barely flinching at the sting. He’s felt much, much worse anyways. He just wants it to stop. He doesn’t like hurting anymore. Obviously, he can’t duck out but-

“RoRo!”

Roman looks up and Remus is right there in front of him, hands on his shoulders, the others behind him staring at him.

“RoRo, are you…okay?” Remus asks, voice unusually soft and worried.

It makes Roman want to cry and give in but what do they care? They’ll just do the routine again. He’ll cry, they’ll worry and prod, he’ll tell them his burdens, they’ll assure him and comfort him, and then once he’s on his feet, the others will leave again.

Roman smiles weakly instead.

“I’m okay.”

And then he sunk out as tears pricked his eyes.

Roman sinks up into his room and the tears fall along with the weak smile as he crumples to the floor. How could Remus ask him that? He never cared. He should be happy with the bloodshed. That’s what he wanted right?

And the others…they wouldn’t care either. Roman chokes, stuck between broken laughter and agonizing sobs. It hurts so much, realizing that he’ll always have a broken heart. It hurts even worse, knowing he’ll always have it inside him…unless…

The princes stands up, not caring that he’s still bleeding or crying. His other hand presses at his chest as he drives it deep inside. There’s a reason why the sides’ bodies weren’t as real as Thomas’. For once, Roman’s glad they’re metaphysical. It’ll be less messy.

Roman digs around and around. It’s here somewhere…there! He feels his heart’s fragile glass, threatening to crack any second. He’s tempted to leave it there until it breaks again so the shards can stab him from the inside but really, he’s sick and tired of feeling it beat and throb and break. So with a growl, he pulls.

And he pulls.

And pulls.

And…

The prince finally rips his heart out with an agonizing cry.

Roman nearly sags in relief, finally free of the heavy pain and ache. He nearly falls again and his wounded hand grips at the sink. He feels tired now but he glances at his heart. It beats ever so weaker and it’s become so small. But that’s okay. He doesn’t need it. Not anymore.

Roman stares at the damned thing and…he laughs. He laughs and laughs until it hurts. Until tears start streaming down his face. He laughs as he staggers back to his room, falling to the floor with one final thought.

I’m finally free.

And Roman’s heart stops beating as it falls to the floor and shatters into pieces.

----

Before he could even sink out of his chair, Remus screams in pain and doubles over.

“Remus! Remus, what is it?” comes Janus’ voice from his beside him.

Remus hisses, clutching his chest.

“H-Hurts!”

“What hurts? Are you hiding an injury again?”

“N-No! R-Roman, I can feel him! He’s-ngh!” Remus cries out again. “He’s hurt!”

“Remus,” Janus tries to ask only to be cut off by another cry.

“N-Need to help RoRo! Now!”

Before Janus can ask further, Remus tears out of his hold and braces through the pain, dashing out of the kitchen and up the stairs. As he stumbles up the final steps, Remus tries to listen for his brother’s thoughts but he’s only met with dead silence. This terrifies him and makes the intrusive side hurry down the hall.

When he gets to the door, Remus doesn’t even bother knocking. He musters some strength and bulldozes right through. Then Remus freezes up.

“RoRo!”

Roman lays unconscious on the floor, his colors now dull like his dead eyes. The wound on his hand had long stopped bleeding but has yet to heal. His room felt cold and dark. It’s as if something or someone were missing from it. Like the life of the room itself was…gone.

Remus is immediately at his twin’s side, pulling his body onto his lap. Shaky hands move to turn Roman’s face towards him and for the first time, it makes Remus actually sick to see his twin like this. No silly smile, no excessive glitter, no rainbow blush or even his glow. It’s completely wrong. It’s not Roman at all. It makes Remus sick and angry. With a low growl, Remus summons everyone to Roman’s room.

“Remus, I told you not to-oh. Oh no.” Janus steps forward, kneeling down.

“I hate it when you-oh shit, Roman!” Virgil is immediately on Roman’s other side.

“Remus, you know it’s rude to-oh goodness!” Patton’s hands fly to his mouth in shock.

“What did you have to summon me here for-oh. Oh dear.” Logan falls speechless.

Remus sniffs and glares at the others, eyes glowing red as he holds his twin protectively.

“What happened to him? I. want. Answers.” he growls.

“W-We don’t know, Remus. Honest. We haven’t noticed anything off with Roman.” Patton replies with a gulp.

“Yeah, Princey said he was fine yesterday.” Virgil stammers, wringing his hands.

Remus huffs and looks to Janus.

“They’re both telling the truth.” Janus hums then frowns, looking up with a glowing eye. “But there seems to be a lie in there.”

Remus glares at Patton and Virgil again then to Janus.

“What is it? What’s the lie?” he asks.

Janus looks at Roman and shakes his head.

“That Roman is fine. He is very far from fine.” he sighs. “He lied to Virgil.”

Virgil blinks and frowns.

“But he…he looked fine…Didn’t he?”

Janus shakes his head.

“Our prince is a better actor than we give him credit for.”

“Oh, Roman…have we been hurting you all this time?” Patton sniffs, taking a step closer.

Remus only growls ferally and holds Roman closer, making Patton yelp and jump back.

“It’s alright, Remus. They won’t harm him.” Janus assures him, squeezing his shoulder.

“They already did. I don’t trust them not to do so again.” he huffs. “The only reason they aren’t splattered all over my mace and across the walls yet is because I know RoRo doesn’t want me to hurt them.”

Janus gazes at Roman’s face, guilt pooling in his stomach. Despite their rocky relationship, the prince never once wished harm towards him. Not even through Remus. And in return, Janus could only keep hurting him. What had he done?

“Roman’s been hurt a lot. I think…he’s been carrying so much weight that he’s buckled over from it.” The snake side sadly mutters a moment later. “He’s exhausted.”

Remus sighs and fixes Roman’s hair the best he can, tucking in that one stray curl.

“He looks more than exhausted, Jan. He looks fucking dead. Like the life has been ripped out of him.” he mumbles.

At the same time, Patton gasps softly and all eyes are on him.

“Roman…he’s…he’s so cold inside. How did I not see?” he sniffs, his tears falling.

“Cold?” Remus tilts his head.

“I can see when one of you are feeling cold inside from feeling bad or hurt. It helps me know when to provide warmth and love.” Patton explains, hands shaking with the want to warm Roman.

That’s when Virgil realizes something too.

“Oh fuck…Yesterday when I asked Roman how he was doing…I felt something off but I didn’t question it. I thought…fuck, I thought he was nervous about his trip to the Imagination or today’s meeting.” he explains, pausing to take in a shaky breath. “I didn’t know how much he was hiding until earlier today when he cut his hand. He panicked and he was scared about us finding out something then…it was just…gone. Like he wasn’t scared anymore.”

“You can see things too?” Logan questions.

Virgil nods, a hand hovering over Roman to touch him. When Remus approves, Virgil holds one of Roman’s hands. It feels cold.

“I can. I see fears and worries but I try not to pry unless I needed to.” he mutters. “I should’ve looked into Roman’s though.”

Remus huffs.

“Don’t blame yourself too much. Roman was just too good at hiding things.” he mumbles before sighing. “I saw his thoughts though. They…They were fucked up. Like, super fucked up for someone like Ro who usually has sunshine and love coming out of his ass.”

The intrusive side still remembers Roman’s thoughts from earlier. So dark. So painful. So loud.

Logan gazes at Roman and frowns.

“I can’t see anything logical. Or any facts.” he gasps before flustering and clarifying, “I can’t see anything there to help me with Roman other than his title and traits. I do see insecure, burned out, and…oh. Oh, Roman…”

Roman Sanders is brokenhearted.

And Logan averts his gaze as guilt sinks in. He’s hardly felt this much guilt before. But now, it feels like a growing weight as he wonders how much Roman internalized his words. All of it.

“Logan?” Patton shakes him out of his trance.

“I…I have hurt Roman a lot…haven’t I?” the logical side whispers, a lump in his throat. “Everything I’ve said and done to him…I didn’t think Roman took it that much to heart. I-I thought—"

“You thought you were knocking RoRo down a peg or two? Oh, you did. You knocked him down so hard his self-esteem is fucking broken.” Remus cuts in with a growl.

Logan bows his head in shame, his dignity long gone.

“Sometimes I forget that Roman is also The Ego. I never realized how much my words had impact on him. Did…Did I push him too far?”

“I think…we all did. We all hurt Roman in many ways and we didn’t realize it.” Janus hisses. “But we still don’t know what he did to himself.”

Remus sucks in a breath as he feels another wave of pain.

“Whatever it is, it really fucking hurts. It’s like something’s…missing. Something’s gone from Roman and it feels like something’s missing from me too.” he shudders, a free hand on his chest. “Ugh, it feels like something’s been ripped out of me.”

Janus blinks and glances between the twins.

“Like…a heart?”

“Yeah…wait what?” Remus asks, confused. “What are you talking about, Janus?”

Janus places a hand on Roman’s chest, shuddering at how he can’t feel the prince’s once mighty heartbeat. Not that he knew what his heartbeat was like.

“Everyone here mentioned what they could see. For you and me, Remus, it’s quite obvious. For Roman, we can’t see what he does. So what if Roman can see hearts?”

“It…It makes sense.” Logan gasps, eyes widening in revelation. “Roman is not only Creativity or the Ego. He is passion and…love…”

“S-So Roman could see our hearts? Even when they were broken?” Patton squeaks, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. His poor, poor kiddo.

Janus and Logan nod.

“He always did know what to do when we were hurting. We never realized how…or that he did it to hide his own heart.” Janus whispers, turning away as a single tear rolls down his cheek.

Roman was always there for everyone, comforting them and cheering them up. He set aside his own broken heart to be there for the others. No one even bothered to help him. No one noticed how desperate he was for someone to hold his heart and fill it with love and warmth or how scared he was to even give his heart away. Roman made sure that everyone came first.

Now, here was Roman. Lifeless. Loveless. Empty. And they all blamed themselves. Janus had manipulated him, threatening him with every weakness he could find like it were blackmail.

Logan knew what words to use to keep Roman in line, to shut him down and put him in his place.

Patton pressured him too much, piled expectation upon expectation and never gave the prince a chance to defend himself. Whenever Roman tried to express himself or voice his opinion, Patton would unknowingly guilt trip him back into compliance.

Virgil belittled him every chance he got, throwing insults at Roman and never once apologized because Roman was always being told off. Even if he was hurt all the same.

Remus tried so hard to be a better brother but The Voices often got too loud or he’d hit him too hard.

It's dead silent for a moment before Remus sniffles. Remus never cries so it’s almost an alarming sound to the others.

“How do we fix it? How do we fix his heart?” he asks, his voice painfully small and broken. His eyes looking Roman over. He misses his loud, colorful brother.

“Well…Broken hearts need love, right?” Patton replies. “We just have to love Roman more.”

Remus can’t help but huff and scoff at that.

“Oh, now he says that.” he mutters.

He knows Patton wants to help but after seeing how the fatherly side betrayed Roman at his weakest, even the intrusive side himself couldn’t trust him. It makes Remus hold Roman just a little tighter, another tear rolling down his cheek and onto Roman’s face.

Janus, however, knows Remus well and squeezes his shoulder.

“Remus, you have to let them in so they can try to help. They won’t hurt Roman anymore. Not now when they know the truth.” he sighs before gazing down at Roman’s pale face. “Besides, we’re both guilty of hurting Roman too.”

Remus droops and sniffs.

“You’re right…I just…I want to be a better brother for RoRo so we can be friends again. I swore he’d never be hurt again but I failed.” he whispers brokenly, running a thumb over one of Roman’s scar on his cheek. “I want to help too.”

Janus dries Remus’ tears.

“You already are, Remus. Now,” he gestures to the others who were standing by and waiting. “Let them in.”

Remus looks up at the two, breathing in shakily. He glances at Roman then back at them.

“Fine.” he huffs but puts a hand up before they could move. “But I’m watching all of you. And not a word about what I said earlier. I still have a reputation to keep because you shitheads need to learn when to back off from RoRo.”

Virgil chuckles softly, face hidden in his hoodie.

“We know, Remus. Your secret is safe with us.” he promises, squeezing Roman’s hand.

Remus, slightly flustered, huffs and looks back at his twin.

“Let’s just help Ro already.” he mumbles.

It’s awkwardly silent for a moment before Janus decides to step forward, kneeling down in front of the prince. He removes his right glove and takes Roman’s other hand, squeezing it gently.

“I may have apologized before but I’ll do it again. I…I am so, so sorry, my dear prince. I never noticed how much harm I have caused you. I never saw your broken heart. I was meant to protect you.” he says, gazing at Roman’s sash then his face as if he were reminiscing. “I promised myself I would and I didn’t. For that, I’m very sorry and I know mere words may not fix everything but know that I will do what it takes to earn your forgiveness. Know that you are very much loved. You are our prince. Our Roman. We need you more than you think.”

Janus squeezes Roman’s hand and leans over, planting a kiss on his forehead. When nothing happens, Janus lets go and replaces his glove as he gazes sadly at the sleeping prince.

It’s then that Virgil feels brave and swallows his nerves, taking a deep breath.

“Fuck, uh, I’m going next.” he gulps, moving closer to Roman and pulling his hood down.

A clammy hand moves to caress Roman’s cheek.

“Hey, Princey…I’ve been a shitty friend, huh? You’ve made up with me and always did your best to make me feel welcome and included here on your side. You always fight off my worries and…” Virgil pauses and flusters. “You were the only one who really knew how to calm me down. And yet, I hurt you without realizing it. You never really did get an apology or even a chance to defend yourself. It was always me that got away with it. I guess I should’ve pumped the breaks too.”

Virgil takes in a shaky breath, eyeshadow darker than ever. He then continues.

“I’m so fucking sorry. For everything. For hurting you. For all my awful words. For constantly making fun of you when you work so hard.” he mutters before smiling softly. “You know…we were an awesome team at the mall. Yeah, I freaked out but if you weren’t there, I don’t think I could’ve pushed Thomas into meeting Nico. Literally. You were always so much braver than me and I wanted to be just as brave too. I…We love you, Roman. Flaws and all. I wish you could see that. I wish you could see how much you do for us.”

He then leans down and kisses Roman’s cheek, face flushed.

Janus can’t help but chuckle a little.

“How cute. Though, were you going to say something else there, Virgil? I thought I heard something else…” he teases.

Virgil blinks and reddens, glaring at Janus for a moment.

“S-Shut the fuck up, asshole.”

Remus raises an eyebrow at that.

“We’re talking about that later, emo.” he says, grinning slightly.

Virgil swallows again and nods, letting Roman go so Remus can hold him again.

“R-Right, yeah. Whatever. Who’s next?”

Logan steps forward, kneeling beside Virgil.

“May I, Remus?” he asks first.

Remus huffs but loosens his hold on Roman.

“Thank you.”

Logan then takes Roman’s hand, gazing at it. Oh, the poor thing’s hand looks so worn. So tired.

He can feel the callouses on his fingertips and the scars on his skin. He wonders just how much Roman often pushed himself to meet everyone’s demands. Especially the logical side’s own requests. He can’t help but feel guilty. Both he and Roman do a lot of work for Thomas and everyone but he always treated Roman like he was never working enough or that he was only worth 0.5% of Thomas’ day.

Glancing around the mess that is Roman’s room, Logan realizes just how hard Roman works.

There’s stacks of papers piled on the desk and a big cork board above it, covered in notes and reminders on top of a calendar filled with scribbles. Several books are stacked on the other side of the desk with sticky note tabs jutting out from them in different pages. Logan realizes too that he should visit Roman more often and brainstorm here. He then turns back to Roman, squeezing his hand.

“Roman…I’m sorry. For every word I said. For underestimating you. For using your weaknesses against you whenever we argued. For making you question your worth. You are worth so much more and I failed to notice.” he sniffles regretfully, failing to keep his voice from breaking. “You work just as hard and I understand what it’s like to see your efforts go to waste. I should have been there for you. Especially since you’ve worked so hard to be better for us. You don’t have to. You were enough. You were so good enough. I apologize for never realizing how much my words have broken your heart. You’re not stupid or a fool or worthless. You are Prince Roman of Creativity. You are important and needed.”

Logan kisses Roman’s hand because he’s unsure of what else to do before letting go.

He then turns to remove his glasses and scrub at his face before turning back.

“I…I hope Roman can hear us.” he stammers, clearing his throat.

“I hope so too.” Patton nods. He had been lost in thought. He kneels beside Logan, tears already rolling down his cheeks. “C-Can I go next, Remus?”

Remus nods.

“Just watch yourself, froggy.” he mutters.

“I will. Thank you.”

Patton then takes Roman’s hand, squeezing it too.

“Oh, kiddo…I’m so, so sorry. I’m supposed to be the dad that takes care of everyone but I failed to take care of you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” he sobs, hiccupping and sniffling. “I should’ve been there. I should’ve listened to you too. I shouldn’t have weighed you down with all those expectations. You always make us feel happy and loved. You know how to cheer us up and you make us feel so safe. In return, we made you feel as if you had to hide. As if you had to play your role perfectly. You can take a break, Roman. You can let your guard down. You aren’t weak for your mistakes. We still love you. You are part of our family and we can’t be whole without you. We need you too!”

Patton then breaks down and sobs harder into Roman’s hand, kissing it. When he manages to calm down a bit, he reluctantly lets Roman’s hand go.

Silence falls back in as everyone watches Roman. Remus then realizes it’s his turn and sighs, staring at his twin. He then glances at the others who are waiting for Remus to speak.

“Look,” Remus huffs. “I…I don’t usually do this mushy, gushy shit so don’t fucking judge me if I say all the wrong stuff, okay? RoRo and I have our own brand of showing we care.”

“Of course, Remus. Your secret is safe with me.”

“Yeah, Remus. You’ve always been more of an action guy. I know.”

“We know, Remus. You’re a good brother, kiddo.”

“Understandable. This is between you and your brother.”

Remus nods his thanks and turns back to his brother, taking a deep breath. One hand holds Roman’s and the other tugs at the sash, turning it so a messily embroidered “R” in green is shown at the bottom.

“RoRo? Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling bad again? Why do you keep hiding? I know I’m not always the nicest brother but I’m trying. The voices are assholes sometimes, y’know? Yeah, I said I wanted you dead but I didn’t mean it. I still need you here. You’re my literal other half.” he whispers sadly, his hand moving to tug at his own sash which has its own embroidered “R” but in golden cursive this time.

Remus breathes out shakily, more tears rolling down makeup-streaked cheeks as he continues.

“Even though you were jealous of me. Sometimes I was jealous of you. You could create without fail. You could heal and fix whatever I messed up. I…I always thought you were amazing, little brother. Even when everyone else didn’t think so or were too blind to see it. Please come back, RoRo. We royal promised we’d be brothers forever and you can’t break that promise. We still gotta annoy Logan and mess with Virgil. We were supposed to hang out with Janus too so you guys can be friends. S-So wake up already you dramatic fuck. Wake up!”

Then Remus sobs and it’s…actually gut wrenching to hear. No one besides Janus and maybe Virgil has ever heard the Intrusive side cry like this. Sure, the twins don’t get along but it’s clear now that they really need each other.

“Shh, he’ll be okay, little squid. We’ll love him as much as he needs.” comes Janus’ soft voice, a hand rubbing Remus’ shaking back.

Then…

As everyone cries over their fallen prince, there’s a golden spark in the corner of the room and warm glow fills the room as that spark rises from the floor. The sides gaze at the spark as it rises higher and higher, moving towards the center of the room.

Then glass-like shards appear one by one in different colors. Green, Yellow, Purple, Cyan, Navy blue, Red. They spin around the spark and come together forming…a heart.

Sometimes, metaphorical hearts are compared to glass, tough during the hardest moments and fragile during the weakest moments. Easy to shatter, harder to put the pieces back together.

But love makes it easier to keep the pieces together and it seems it did for this heart. The heart spins and lowers, moving towards its home. To Roman. It stays there though. Ripping out a heart is difficult and it would be just as hard to put it back in.

Remus then blinks.

“I-I can see it. I can see RoRo’s heart. What do I do?! I don’t know how to heal. I’m gonna mess it up.” he stammers.

Janus squeezes his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s alright, Remus. You can do it. You want to help your brother, yes?”

Remus nods.

“I do but…” his hands hesitate above the heart. It looks very fragile. “I don’t want to hurt him again.”

Oh Remus…

Janus smiles softly and puts his hand over Remus’ shaking pair.

“You won’t, my dear. I’m right here too.” he soothes, squeezing Remus’ hand to still his shaking.

Another pair of hands join, pale and clammy and just as shaky.

“I-I wanna help Roman’s heart too.” Virgil nods.

Remus nods.

“For Roman.”

Patton and Logan step forward, both nervous and still guilty.

“C-Can we help too, Remus? We want to make this right.” Patton asks, wringing his hands.

He owed Roman lots of love and care after lacking the past years.

Logan nods too.

“I want to atone for what I’ve done. For what I’ve said. I want to remove every awful word I must have buried in there.” he manages to choke out, not even caring that his face is wet with tears again.

Remus breathes in and nods.

“You can but it’ll take more than this for Roman to heal so you both definitely have a lot to make up for. Fuck that up and I’ll have your heads before Roman can even stop me.” he growls, glaring at them.

“We won’t hurt him anymore, Remus. We promise.” Patton assures the dark twin.

“We’ll be kinder to him. Give him the love he needs.” Logan adds.

“You better.” Remus huffs. “Now get over here.”

The two nod and place their hands over Virgil’s.

Then they gently push the heart down into Roman’s chest, slowly and carefully.

“Wake up, RoRo. Please don’t rip your heart out again.”

“Come back to us, little prince. We need you so much.”

“We’re here, Princey. We see you and hear you.”

“Please take your heart, Roman. It is a vital part of who you are. Our dear prince.”

“Oh, kiddo. Don’t worry, I’ll be here to help you if your heart hurts again. I’ll give you all the warmth you need.”

They push down more and more and slowly the heart sinks into Roman’s chest. Once it’s fully in, a golden ray of light blooms from Roman’s body as if the heart were thanking them for returning it home. Then-

“RoRo!” Remus gasps.

With a sparkle of magic and gold, Roman’s color slowly returns. It starts from his feet and climbs up, his sash bright red again and his skin turning back to its beautiful tan color. Even Roman’s eyes regain life, the dull green brightening back into a lovely emerald.

Then Roman gasps for air.

---

Roman doesn’t know how long he’d been out but he hadn’t expected to wake up. When he does, he gasps for air and squirms in the pair of arms he’s in before looking about. His eyes widen. They’re…They’re all here. Why are they here? This isn’t right. This isn’t how it’s supposed to end.

No, no, no. Why did they fix it again? They’re just gonna break it. He’s gonna break it again and-

“RoRo! Hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

Roman shakes his head, squirming out of whoever is holding him.

“No, no! It’s not! It’s not okay!”

He stumbles to his feet but someone grabs his arm.

“Roman, look at me.”

Roman whips his head around and he sees…Remus?

“R-Ree…”

“Hey, dumb dumb. It’s okay now. It’s okay.” Remus soothes, his voice unusually soft.

Remus doesn’t look like it but he can be soft during the right times. It’s not often he shows it though. It’s often reserved for his brother since the poor thing doesn’t do well with tough love.

Roman, stubborn as ever, shakes his head as his breath hitches.

“It’s not! I-It wasn’t supposed to be fixed! It wasn’t supposed to go back inside!” he cries, clutching at his chest.

Janus takes that moment to take Roman’s hands in his, the snake’s gloves nowhere to be seen.

“Roman, my dear prince, look at me.”

“J-Janus?” Roman gazes at him, confused and lost. Poor, poor thing.

“There’s that pretty face, beautiful rose. You look so tired. So weary. We’ve hurt you a lot, haven’t we?” Janus replies, caressing Roman’s cheek.

Roman can’t help but lean into his touch. It makes Janus’ heart ache.

“W-What’s…What’s happening?”

“That’s what we want to know, my prince.”

Roman blinks.

“We…?”

The prince then looks around and he’s startled to see the others here too. His head feels dizzy as he looks between every face in front of him.

Patton looks antsy as if he were itching to give a hug. Logan looks remorseful, gaze averted in shame.

Virgil looks very worried, eyeshadow messy and dark while his hands twist into the fabric of his hoodie. Remus and Janus are the closest to him, smiling small but sadly in concern.

It makes Roman pull away from Janus, hugging himself as if it was going to protect him.

“I…How did you even know I was here?” he asks.

Remus squeezes Roman’s shoulder.

“Twin bond. I knew you did something to yourself the moment I felt like I was stabbed.” he sighs, a hand over his own heart. “I felt your pain, Roman.”

Roman swallows and shrinks in on himself.

“Oh…I…I forget that you often feel what I do, Ree. I’m sorry.” he mumbles.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault, RoRo.” Remus sighs. “So, do you want to tell us why your heart was outside of you?”

Roman hangs his head in shame. The words are on his lips and he so badly wants to tell them everything. Yet, he feels hesitant. What if, after they comfort him, they go back to what they were doing and they end up breaking his heart again? What if they’re only doing this to make sure Thomas still has his Creativity and not Roman himself? What if they’re doing this make themselves feel better and they’ll drop him later?

“Hey. Princey. Roman, look at me.”

Roman looks up and blinks, seeing Virgil standing in front of him.

“V-Virgil…”

Virgil cups his face and wipes a stray tear.

“Let us in, Roman. We want to help you.”

“Y-You do?”

“Of course. We all do.”

“But…But it’s rotten work…”

Virgil chuckles. He missed Roman’s little movie references.

“Not to me, it’s not. Not if it’s you.”

Roman blinks and takes a deep breath.

“Okay.”

Virgil takes that moment to let Roman go.

“Take your time, Princey.”

Roman nods, still hugging himself.

Then after a moment of silence-

“I ripped my heart out.” Roman whispers like it’s still a secret. “I ripped my heart out because it was broken and it hurt inside. I was tired of feeling it break and be fixed over and over. I was tired of feeling hurt all the time.”

Soft gasps fill the room.

“Oh, Roman…”

Roman places a hand over his chest where his heart his now.

“I guess you all figured it out but I can see hearts. I can see who needs love or passion. I can see broken hearts. I knew none of you could see mine so I never bothered to fix mine. I thought it was too broken and…”

Roman gazes at Patton then Logan and then Janus, the three of them wilting in guilt.

“I was scared.” Roman whimpers. “I didn’t want to give my heart to someone who might break it again and again. I’ve put my heart into all your hands and…”

“A-And we broke it, didn’t we?” Patton whispers with guilt and anger at himself in his voice. “I’m so sorry, kiddo. We didn’t know how fragile your heart already was.”

Roman sighs.

“It’s okay—”

“Stop right there. It’s not okay, little one.” Janus cuts in. “We all hurt you and made you feel as if you couldn’t show your heart to us. We should be apologizing to you.”

“B-But what if you break it all over again?”

Oh, Roman…

Janus can’t help but feel guilt churning in his stomach again. Part of him feels like he’s majorly to blame for the prince’s trust issue.

It’s no wonder the poor thing can’t reach out or open up. He’d become too afraid to ask for love let alone even try, thinking he’d be slapped in the face with rejection or be called out for being overdramatic again.

It’s a horrifying realization to Janus and he holds up his right hand.

“I promise you that we won’t. Not anymore, my prince. We all love you more than you’ll ever know.” Janus swears. “I know you might not believe it but it’s true.”

Roman feels his heart and…oh. It’s…It’s beating so much. It really wants to be loved. He wants to be loved. So much.

“Please be careful with my heart.”

Janus smiles softly.

“I will, my prince. We all will.”

Remus squeezes his shoulder again.

“We won’t let you feel the need to rip your heart again, RoRo.” he adds.

“You’re okay now, Princey. We’ll take care of you.”

“We love you so much, kiddo! We’ll always love you!”

“I may not be the best with love and affection but I will do my best to be here for you too, Roman. You are worth more than you think.”

Roman blinks.

“Oh.”

Overwhelmed by all the sudden love, Roman forgets all his words and his legs give out as he falls to his knees. Oh dear.

Remus is immediately at his side.

“RoRo?”

Roman trembles.

“I just…you all…I…”

Then the prince finally lets out the tears he’s bottled up. His broken sobs fill the room like a sorrowful song.

Remus whimpers and holds his twin tight.

“You’ve been keeping that in for so long, huh? Just let it out, RoRo. We’re right here.” he whispers. “You’re going to be okay, little brother.”

Janus decides to join too, kneeling and wrapping his arms around the twins.

“You’ve been through so much, little prince. Let yourself cry. We’ll dry your tears.” he murmurs.

Virgil crouches in front of them and squeezes Roman’s shoulder this time.

“You’re safe, Roman. I’m here to protect you and your heart.” he assures him.

Logan and Patton join too.

“We love you, Roman. We love you.” Patton repeats over and over to remind Roman as he promised.

“We’re here, Roman.” Logan adds.

Roman cries and cries until he can’t and it dwindles into soft hiccups and sniffles. He doesn’t pull away from Remus though, not wanting him to leave. He desperately wants to believe this all real.

As he holds onto Remus and feels his family around him, Roman feels his heart beating peacefully now. Of course, the pain is still there and will be for a long time. Yet, he can feel some of it ebb away.

It’s difficult to heal a broken heart but with enough love, it can be free of its pain little by little. It’s definitely going to be a long time of healing for Roman and his heart but each side makes a silent vow to help him along the way.

And maybe in the future, Janus steps up as the Ego’s protector and carer. He’s there to hold him when he cries and to stand up for him when the world seems against him. He helps Roman be more open with his feelings and takes care of him when his days start to get dark. He does his best to silence the lies in the prince’s mind.

Virgil is a little more careful and kinder. He still banters with Roman but apologizes this time when he goes too far or says something hurtful. He’ll be more alert, slowly helping Roman tell him all his fears and worries so he can help him through it. At some point, Virgil and Roman even sit down and go over what insults might be too far or a sore spot, both promising never to use them against each other.

In the future, Patton is softer around Roman, doing his best to be understanding. He makes sure to hear Roman out and checks in on him when he sees him feeling cold inside. He loves him a little more and puts out a big effort to listen to Roman in discussions and works more with him to find compromises or better ideas to dilemmas. And if Patton hears Roman say an ‘I love you, padre” one day, he cherishes it.

Logan is a lot less harsh with Roman, helping him with his work and being understanding when Roman asks for a break. He’s more careful in giving Roman feedback to his ideas, starting with what he liked and ending with suggestions for improvement. He also makes sure to remind Roman that he’s very much worth a lot more than he thinks. And when they start arguing, Logan reminds himself of Roman’s heart and pauses to let them both cool down before talking to Roman again.

And as for Remus, he tries the hardest out of everyone. He’s still his chaotic self, often pestering Roman but also getting along with him better. They do still fight like siblings but when Roman’s hurt, Remus is there to pick him up and hold him. He does his best to cheer Roman up when he’s sad and they take more trips to the Imagination to just hang out when Roman doesn’t want to be overwhelmed by the others.

With all this love for the prince, Roman’s heart would feel fuller than ever. It would finally be on the mend and Roman would come to see that it won’t ever be broken again. Not with his family there to keep the pieces together.

For now though, Roman lets his family hold him as his heart keeps beating inside him where it’s meant to be.

#sanders sides #sanderssides #roman sanders #roman sanders angst #janus sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #tw blood #sanders sides fic #this fic was totally not inspired by undertale and deltarune's ending idk what ur talking about

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