#sapphicnatural fic

[lesbianjoannaharvelle]

Sapphicnatural Fic Rec List

So, I'm finally making a list of my favourite sapphic spn fanfics, so you can check them out if you're interested.

I will add more to this list as time goes on! Have fun reading. <3

Jo Daily by thereweresunflowers

→ Jo/Cassie; Rated T; 37173 Words

My favourite spn fic of all time. Read Jo's blog entries as she talks about her mum, her dead father, the Roadhouse and then, most importantly, Cassie.

2. like a song by guntherapy

→ Billie/Rowena; Rated M; 2607 Words

Billie and Rowena get to know each other after Rowena becomes the Queen of Hell.

3. the saint patron of dirt under your fingernails by sonorousangels

→ Anna/Mary; Rated T; 544 Words

Anna watches Mary and considers disobedience.

4. Faith Undone by iamfoxfire

→ Layla/Anna; Rated E; 9474 Words

Layla is dying, so she's praying for a miracle. Anna answers her prayers.

5. An Angel Bright Betwixt by depressaria

→ Anna/Ruby; Not Rated; 5228 Words

Anna and Ruby are teaming up, fighting for their lives in a world overrun by vampires.

6. Be still, my beating heart by thereweresunflowers

→ Rowena/Jo; Rated T; 1074 Words

Jo tries to kill Rowena. It doesn't go as planned. (Or the Jo stabs Rowena homoeritcally in the heart fic.)

7. We'll have our pearl by everytuesday

→ Mary/Charlie; Rated G; 2787 Words

Mary and Charlie go on a roadtrip. Charlie tries to find out if Mary is gay.

8. Your eyes were like machinery by myaimistrue

→ Anny/Mary; Rated T; 1170 Words

Anna tries to convince Mary to leave John in order to save the world. Mary doesn't want to, so Anna erases her memory and tries again and again.

9. Amidst ashes and feathers by anarchistamara

→ Amara/Mary; Rated M; 6797 Words

Mary is brought back to life by Amara. She struggles with this new life, so she confronts Amara about it.

10. The Harvelle Gospels by LaurytheLatrator

→ Anna/Jo; Rated M; 26519 Words

Jo is the Righteous Woman, raised from Hell by Anna. Now she has to prevent the Apocalypse.

11. Wolf like Me by schmevil

→ Bela/Meg; Rated T; 4084 Words

Bela is in hell; Meg shows her how to be a demon.

12. Neatly-labelled leftovers by gayliens

→ Jody/Mary; Rated E; 3177 Words

Mary constantly compares herself to Jody, who seems to be the perfect mom. That doesn't stop them from hooking up though.

13. Violet by ghost_roads

→ Jo/Cassie; Not Rated; 4573 Words

Jo and Cassie meet on a hunt.

14. Batgirl and Catwoman by lightsaroundyourvanity

→ Bela/Sarah; Rated G; 1816 Words

Sarah sees Bela at an estate sale and quickly realizes that something is off.

15. We Might Be Pretending by rubyboys

→ Anna/Ruby; Rated T; 684 Words

Anna and Ruby are on the run.

16. The Third Most Badass Wizard in the Multiverse by soullistrations

→ Charlie/Dorothy; Rated T; 1067 Words

Charlie and Dorothy travel through Oz together and share some intimate moments.

17. snowflakes and silent conversations by Anonymous

→ Jody/Mary; Rated T; 1233 Words

Jody and Mary celebrate Mary's birthday together.

18. nobody will lose their head by halfwheeze

→ Bela/Jo; Rated G; 2432 Words

Jo and Bela run away together, sort of.

19. On Begged and Borrowed Time by wartyfrogfish

→ Ellen/Mary; Rated T; 1021 Words

Ellen visits Mary who is already married to John. She tries to understand why Mary left her.

20. after the storm by puchuupoet

-> Jo/Tessa, Rated T; 1149 Words

Jo dies and she meets Tessa the reaper who wants to show her the way to the afterlife.

21. Likeness by iamfoxfire

-> Jo/Amara; Rated T; 1063 Words

Jo takes the Mark of Cain and sets Amara free.

22. Cast No Shade by thereweresunflowers

-> Mary/Jo; Rated T; 5193 Words

The lesbian cowgirl AU you never know you needed!

23. I don't know nothing (and that's fine) by halfwheeze

-> Claire/Magda; Rated G; 7319 Words

Magda moves in with Jody and the other girls and Claire starts to get to know her better.

24. welcome to your life (there's no turning back) by ElasticElla

-> Amara/Mary; Rated T; 1415 Words

Amara brings Mary back from the dead. Mary has to get used to her new life.

25. Thorns Around A Rose by HeddersTheOwl

-> Bela/Meg; Rated T; 2932 Words

Meg needs something from Bela who has made quite a name for herself in hell.

26. on sunshine by thereweresunflowers

-> Charlie/Donna; Rated M; 7250 Words

Charlie meets Donna for the first time and it's as sweet as you'd expect.

27. Pillow Talk by HeddersTheOwl

-> Jo/Mary; Rated T; 740 Words

Mary and Jo have a soft conversation in bed about whether they should exist.

.

Also gonna plug my own fics here hehe

Back from Hell

→ Bela/Jo; Rated G; 2270 Words

Jo meets Bela outside of the Roadhouse and they bond over their past and their scars.

Still Breathing

→ Anna/Mary; Rated E; 1083 Words

Anna wants to kill Mary. Mary tries to seduce her to changer her mind.

Haunted

-> Jo/Cassie; Rated T; 1265 Words

Jo and Cassie move into an apartment together. As they want to enjoy their time as a couple, they realize they are not alone in the house.

Black Eyes

-> Jo/Ruby; Rated E; 4222 Words

Ruby meets Jo, a former hunter turned demon. Although she is skeptical at first, they quickly make a great team - and maybe even more than that.

Happy Birthday, Jo

→ Jo/Cassie, Rated G; 508 Words

It's Jo's birthday and she shares this moment with Cassie.

Lost on Earth

→ Ambriel/Anna; Rated G; 2231 Words

Ambriel lost her grace to Amara, so she's human now. She struggles to find her way in this new, confusing life but finds support and comfort in Anna.

Life Without Grace

→ Ambriel/Anna; Rated G; 710 Words

Glimpses of Anna's and Ambriel's life together aka them being human and happy and in love.

Weekend at Rufus'

-> Jo; Rated G; 2035 Words

Jo has a fight with Ellen and spends a weekend at Rufus' place where, to her surprise, she also meets Bobby. While she is staying there to calm down, she slowly gets the impression that these two are more than just hunting buddies.

A Weight Lifted

-> Jo; Rated G; 1025 Words

Jo shaves her head.

[mrcowboydeanwinchester]

it's JOCASSIE it's FOOTBALL AU it's PUBLIC HUMILIATION they're ENEMIES and TOXIC ABOUT IT and jo is HORNY. it's also 1.5k and called 'people want more and more' up on ao3 now hehe

[supersapphical]

Have an idea for a fic that you'd love to read but don't want to write?

I'm offering an auction this year for Fandom Trumps Hate! The auction is for a 10K-20K fic written for Supernatural, Warrior Nun or Xena Warrior Princess. Go here for more details. And feel free to reach out to me here if you have any questions!

Bidding opens March 1st (today!!) and closes Sunday, March 5th.

(You can also go here to browse all their tags. There's a lot of really amazing creators offering auctions this year in many different fandoms!)

[bi4bisamjess]

Dean turns 7 in Brownsville, Pennsylvania, having already decided she’s grown. She stands at the bathroom mirror and hacks at her hair with neon green safety scissors stolen from school, learning to pare down, carve. She knows how to use the stove, how to drive. There are always people to save, mother’s left in burning houses, little brothers abandoned, broken fathers bent over the bottle, silhouetted anguish staining the wall.

There are monsters that live in the dark. Dean knows this, and so for her 7th birthday, Dad deciding she’s grown, too, he teaches her to shoot his gun.

Or, Dean Winchester on getting older.

[rainsongdean]

"you don't look good" "yeah, well, you're not my type either"

spn collage series - 1/?

for @altarofrowena 2k celebration ➔ day four: dean/ketch

[demonmary]

taking careful aim (a teenage mary fic)

Connecting with other girls had always been hard, at least for Mary.  Ever since she snuck her father’s salt-packed shotgun shells into the pockets of her backpack for kindergarten show-and-tell, she had been marked as some sort of social outcast.  Mary had learned to hide parts of herself before she could even identify which parts those were.  

And then there was Frances. 

Mary first saw her a few months before they would officially meet.  It was nothing but a chance encounter, just a brief moment at the laundromat with Mary passing the wall-sized windows with a rush in her step, only slowing once time did when they caught sight of each other.  

Mary locked eyes with a rugged-looking girl with cropped dark hair and even darker eye makeup.  They both stared, Mary getting embarrassed and looking away when the other girl didn’t, so she quickly resumed her hurried steps. 

[read on ao3 or continue below]

In such a small town, just a few blocks from home, Mary didn’t often see people she didn’t know, and she really didn’t see people like that.

Mary met Frances - properly met her - on the first day of their junior year.  Mary remembered thinking that the other girl could be mistaken for a boy if it weren’t for the way she smudged out her eyeliner and the deep red pigment she had imperfectly swiped over her lips.  

It was only a few weeks later that Mary found out Frances (or Frankie.  She prefers Frankie.) would have enjoyed that confusion.  

Mary didn’t want to like Frankie.  The girl made her uncomfortable, made her think too hard about her own girlhood, made her address parts of herself that she’d worked hard to shove away.  

Mary did like Frankie though; she liked how the girl wore chunky boots even though she was tall enough without the added height.  She liked how Frankie wore makeup like the other girls but didn’t wear it like the other girls.  

Being like the others - Mary wanted it and hated herself for wanting it.  But Frankie?  Frankie had fun, loving every moment on the fringe.  She said things Mary feared, and she said them with a smile.  

Frankie watched the boys and said things like, “dontcha ever wish you could be like them?” and Mary felt smoke filling her lungs and blotting out her response.  

They were watching football practice, but in a different way than the girls above them, the girls sitting on the bleachers and cheering when the boys finished a drill.  Mary and Frances were watching with a tint of green, green like bronze rusted.  The rosy-colored tinge they should be watching teenage boys with had patinaed into strange, unexamined jealousy.  

Mary didn’t like how it felt, the envy instead of lust, so she tore her gaze away from the quarterback and refocused on the other girl.  

They were watching football practice, but they were really watching each other, hiding under the bleachers and passing one of Frankie’s cigarettes back and forth, sharing the silence as much as the smoke.

Frankie caught Mary staring and pulled in a breath, pushing out hazy rings to rub in Mary’s interest.  Frankie liked being watched as much as Mary liked watching.  

Mary liked how it felt to get caught staring, feared how it felt to get caught staring.  She didn’t realize she was still staring as she contemplated the feeling.  

Frankie finished her cigarette and asked Mary if she’d finally take her shooting soon.  She had been promising for months, ever since Mary used her hunting-for-animals excuse after she showed up with a few noticeable scrapes from a job with her dad.  

Mary jumped on the distraction, glad her staring went unnoticed or at least untouched.  That weekend, they’d go that weekend, and Frankie said sure and that she’d come by in the morning.  

Mary had a hard time falling asleep that night.  Excitement or nerves or both or something else unexamined. 

Over breakfast that morning, over eggs and toast carefully prepared for Samuel by Deanna, Mary mentioned with her feet swinging underneath the table that she had a friend coming by.  

She ignored her parents’ exchanged looks, barely noticing them through her giddiness.  They asked her friend’s name.  She told them.  They must have thought that Mary’s got some lanky, awkward, pimply seventeen-year-old boy on his way to the house; they must have pictured how they’d scare the kid into treating Mary right.  The confusion made Mary giggle. 

She didn’t want to correct them.  Her parents expected Frankie to be some boy down the lane.  She didn’t correct them.  She thought it was funny, thought Frankie would think it was funny.  

When the doorbell rang an hour later, and Deanna went to answer it, it wasn’t so funny anymore.  Deanna did not look like she was laughing.  Mary was not laughing either. 

Frankie could always get Mary out of her head so quickly.  At least away from the part of Mary’s head that her parents liked to lock her in.  Mary and Frankie rolled around to the back of the house, to the shed in the corner of the property with its chicken-scratch warding and devil’s trap on the floor (uncovered and bizarre, surely to Frankie).  Mary forgot that Frankie shouldn’t see - the other girl always brought down her walls before Mary could realize they were there for a reason.  

Frankie just raised an eyebrow, not too shocked, only observing the way she did.  Mary yanked a shotgun off the wall and slammed the door shut before Frankie could see anything too weird.  

Frankie looked at Mary, watching.  Taking everything in.  Frankie looked at Mary’s hands where they wrapped around the shotgun the same way that they watched the boys when they practiced their tackling.  Mary could feel the heat, the jealous green-flame.  She liked the way it burned. 

The two girls made their way out to the woods.  It was hunting season, so the sounds of gunshots wouldn’t be alarming to anyone nearby.  Not that anyone was nearby.  

Mary grabbed her bag, yanking it off her shoulder and loving how the clinks and clangs of the glass hitting inside drew Frankie’s gaze again.  They worked silently, an understanding passing over them as they lined up the bottles.  

One of ‘em had about two shots of Jack left in it, and so Mary giggled and offered half to Frankie.  They drank, sharing swigs from the same bottle.  Mary knew what Frankie’s lips taste like then, even if only because they tasted the same, whiskey wet on their tongues. 

Mary shot twice first, practiced in a way that made Frankie whoop with glee as the bottles burst in line.  Mary lined up a third shot before thinking twice, smirking tight and secretive as she looked back to Frankie.  

Frankie told her she looked good like that, the words falling out ready and raw in the autumn air.  

Mary blanked and blushed and rushed over to crowd the gun into Frankie’s hands.  Mary could deal with the shotgun; she couldn’t deal with the spoken truth.  

But Frankie didn’t stop speaking.  It was all questions then, which Mary could answer.  The girl asked how she should stand; is this right?  Hands like this?  Fingers here?  Thighs far enough apart?  Stance correct?  Feet planted right?  Chin angled like this? 

Mary could answer, but that didn’t mean she would.  She remained silent the whole time, correcting Frankie with gentle touches.  Mary put her hands on skin where Frankie’s clothes didn’t cover, feeling the heat through the fabric where they did.  

Frankie’s first shot missed.  It was way high - the recoil took her by surprise.  She swore and stumbled back into Mary’s body, leaning into the way Mary caught her by the waist.  

Her second shot clipped the neck of the fourth bottle, spinning it off its branch-perch and knocking the fifth bottle as well.  Mary asked if Frankie was aiming for that one or the third.  

Frankie laughed and shrugged, went in for a third shot before Mary was ready, but she made it.  With a solid shot through that third bottle, a laugh punched out of the two girls from the impact.  

The gun was quickly forgotten in the celebration, placed carefully on the ground and stepped over as Frankie crowded Mary away from their homemade range.  

Mary could see the way that Frankie was trembling.  The adrenaline, probably.  It could do that.  Mary felt herself shaking; that had to be why.  

“I liked that, Mary.  Liked that a lot.”  

Mary did too.  “Yeah.”

“I like you a lot, Mary.”  

Mary did too.  “Yeah.” 

Frankie was just a foot away.  Twelve measly inches.  Mary couldn’t close the gap.  

“You too, Mary?”

“Yeah.” 

Frankie looked away, twisting her neck to look over her shoulder at the bottles, two remaining on the branch.  

“Think you could shoot those from twice as far this time?”  

“Yeah.”  

Frankie laughed, throwing her head back in the carefree way she did, running off to grab the surviving bottles and set them up further back.  Mary was left in her wake, frozen in place as she watched, rosy-tinted stare rusted green with jealousy again.  

another ao3 link ! kudos / comments r sooooo lovely and wonderful 2 me

[carpettmuncher]

Cassie shakes her head, eyes still searching Jo’s face, still holding her. “Will it kill you?”

Now, it’s Jo’s turn to be shocked. She expected plenty- disbelief, of course, and anger, maybe even violence. (She is a freak of nature, after all). What she didn’t expect was concern. Concern for her wellbeing, for her survival. 

She reaches out to touch Cassie, to stroke her hair and place her hand on her cheek. “You think I would leave you?” she asks, and kisses her.

read more on ao3

[angelfishofthelord]

when we reach forever

will there be a place where you and i may find home

hannahmeg inspired by @angelhannah beautiful fic

[magdaclaire]

a anna comes back from the empty and meets milf mary fic beginning (full of poetics and nonsense, as per usual)

a crowbar is pushed through the soft flesh of anna’s chest and for a moment, she is nine years old. she spits blood from her mouth and she remembers the very first time she thought she might be different from everyone else, blood in her mouth saying the pledge of allegiance, the inside of her cheek bitten at the sound of god in the voices of a dozen and a half children. under god, under god, under god, they say. there’s a crowbar in anna’s chest and god is her father, and god is dead, there’s nothing left of god to find. she pulls the crowbar from her chest and spits out the blood.

the moment passes. the blood washes from her mouth as her grace buttons her poor body back together. the body is never separate from the soul when your human, except for when it is. except for when the body isn’t you and you are not the body, and anna felt like that for a long time. of course, she had no idea then that she was without soul, without some deeply essential self because of what she had done. she thought she would feel better if she tried cutting her hair short. she didn’t get to keep her first body, her bastion of normalcy, as fragile as it was, she didn’t get to keep it long enough to try short hair out. she’d always wondered what it was like to be the butch girls who went to her college, camped out at the library in big boots and vests, she always wondered what it was like to know yourself like that.

michael snuffs her out like a match light, tears her from a mortal coil that angels have barely been aware of for millennia upon millennia, billions of years, and in this moment, she thinks of nothing but her big brother. when each of the angels of her brood had been taken to be trained by the archangels, she was taken by michael. he had led her through that initial childhood as a shepherd, had spread her wings for her and taught her to use them as weapons. her memory of him is nearly as rich as her memory of richard milton, his hands guiding her as she learned to ride a bike, the careful way he looked over her math homework, even when she got so far as fifteen, rocking back and forth on her feet.

richard milton is dead because of her, and there’s nothing she can do to change that. she floats in a deep, black space and no one says anything; it’s not until castiel arrives (not for his first stay) that she realizes they’re all meant to be asleep. castiel yells and screams and aims to wake the dead, aims to wake someone, and yet still anna lingered. however castiel struck his bargain, however he made his way from this place with no name, anna barely heard of it before he was off and gone again, always gone again. something in anna sits awake, truly awake, at the idea of being able to leave. leave? leave this place with all of her brothers and sisters she can feel sleeping around her, leave this place when there must hardly be any angels left?

the place without a name opens a door for her. it hovers above anna for a moment, an hour, a day, a nameless performance of time, before anna finds herself above it, and then falling through it. the ground rises up to meet her before she’s ready to find it, her joints aching as she collides with the soil. her joints ache. they did when she was still graceless, when all she had was a body and the lack of grace or soul, when she was empty straight to her fingerbones. now, there is a humming within her without grace, this music she can feel thrumming through the floorboards of her mind. this might be what having a soul feels like. anna hardly has any idea.

a shotgun loading clicks beside anna’s head. what a terrible time to find out that one is becoming human. she tilts her head up to find mary winchester, much older than when she had last seen her, pointing a loaded gun at the side of her head.

“where the fuck did you come from?”

[latinocas]

Some Spn Sapphic aus ideas / tropes / concepts :

The classic breakdancers vs cheerleaders.

All girls school for the supernatural.

Help center volunteers.

Faking to be nuns (for a case!).

Baseball team vs Soccer team.

As Greek Myths or Goddesses.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power au.

Powerpuff Girls World au.

Seeing each other souls/true forms.

Changing eye color when they're in love.

Working at the same office!

New Year party that goes wrong (funny way).

Working a case together (and showing off).

Only their soulmates can use their blood/grace/part of their being in rituals.

They're stuck together while they're sick.

Greek au of women as maidens on the temple of the goddess Amara.

*feel free to use these! Just tag me, please <3

[lesbianjoannaharvelle]

do you wanna read about Jo and Bela meeting, bonding over their past and their scars? and then making out in a car? here you go

[mrcowboydeanwinchester]

omg new 10k jo/meg fic just dropped it's a homoerotic high school au with stabbing and crack but mainly lesbianism and it's called revenge for dummies also there's like awesome art for it by @keikakudom

[supersapphical]

Homoerotic Fight Scene Sapphic Fic Recs

For Day 15 of Sapphebruary: Homoerotic Fight Scene

be still, my beating heart by thereweresunflowers: Jo/Rowena, T, 1K, Jo stabs Rowena homoerotically in the heart

enough by deansmultitudes: Abaddon/Bela, E, 685, serial killer friends with benefits

what eternity looks like by rubyboys: Anna/Mary, T, 387, short, dark and angsty

dirty hands by soullistrations: Anna/Eve, T, 820, Anna is just trying to survive in purgatory when she runs across Eve.

Outrunning the Devil and God by lightsaroundyourvanity: Abaddon/Naomi, E, 1K, fight turns to hate sex

Less Fight Scene More Homoerotic

Damned If You Do by wincechesters: Bela/Ruby, T, 2K, Ruby and Bela meet in season 3 while they're both breaking into Sam and Dean's motel room

Time to Kill by catchmeifyoucreon: Meg/Ruby, G, 885, Meg and Ruby reunite in purgatory

Not Quite A Homoerotic Fight Scene but has similar Vibes

Collision of Fire and Light by Match_less: Hannah/Meg, NR, 582, Hannah's and Meg's trueforms collide in the empty

Rebar Not Included by Petrichora_Vellichor: Jody/Donna, T, 1.5K, Jody and Donna share a bloody kiss

Dried Out to the Bones by amorremanet: Lenore/Amy, T, 1.3K, both Amy and Lenore struggle with the Mother of All being released from purgatory

(and if you're curious I have a couple that might be of interest)

Stab You In the Heart: Anna/Mary, M, 2K, re-write of the infamous annamary fight scene in 5x13

betwixt death and a lady: Billie/Mary, T, 4K, bloody kiss between Mary and Billie

[soupernatural]

nobody talks about how mary is given exactly two seconds to mourn the loss of her husband and babies and likely everyone she’s ever known.  when do they tell her that ellen is dead?  when do they tell her that ellen had a daughter? when does she have time to process the loss of the family she wasn’t allowed to keep building?

[dirtybackroad]

lonely for words unspoken

read on ao3 / tag list

word count: 959

Mary Winchester / Ellen Harvelle

summary:

Mary always ends up here, looking for comfort she's too afraid to ask for. _______________

Ellen and Mary talk about their futures, maybe they even let themselves want.

_________________________

Mary was in her usual spot, tucked away in the corner of Ellen’s, watching strangers she grew up with making small talk about monsters.  Her hair was dirty and she needed a shower, but the routine of a hard drink after an even harder hunt was too tempting to skip.  Besides, she’d get there soon enough.   She wasn’t sure if she’d been spotted; she’d rolled in while Ellen was occupied behind the bar and was content with waiting her turn.  The Roadhouse was busy enough that Mary thought she should make sure there wasn’t another hunt nearby.  There was always another hunt nearby.   The sound of a harmonica over light, plinking piano keys signaled Ellen’s approach. She laughed at their self-imposed soundtrack, the song Ellen had once declared Mary’s playing on the jukebox.   That had been years ago now, and they had been different women then.  Mary was a mother now. She was someone that her younger self should aspire towards.   Ellen slid into the booth beside Mary, bumping up against her hip-to-shoulder.  She came offering gifts - one for each of them - in matching glasses of whiskey.   “Thunder Road?  Still?”  Mary laughed, Ellen joining in like a breath of fresh air.  The sound was more cleansing than any shower would have been.   “What, did you outgrow me and The Boss out there in Kansas?” Ellen’s tone was light, but Mary knew it had been too long since the last time she visited.  She had John.  She and John had Dean.  They had plans.  This was just a distraction from Mary’s world.   Mary ignored the reminder of home, turning her body towards Ellen, putting some space between them as she did.  “Never could outgrow you, El.” Mary hoped that was true.  “Wanted to come by and see how you’re doin’.  You and Bill.”   Ellen reached out and poked at the grime that coated Mary’s hair.  “Just dropped by?  No other reason you were in town?” “You know me,”  Mary reasoned, “always on the job.”  A careful pause to sip at the offered drink would buy some time to measure the weight of her answer.  The whiskey burned on the way down, but it was a friendly fire.  “You know the hunt is just an excuse to get over here.” “You always have had a hard time asking for what you want, Mary.”   And wasn’t that the main problem?  It settled into the air between the two women, blanketing them in its truth.   Mary took another drink. Ellen zeroed in on the bloodstain that splattered across Mary’s fingers.  To hide the evidence of the hunt, the proof that she went through all this instead of just calling, Mary cupped a clean hand over the soiled one; both wrapped carefully around the whiskey glass.   Mary turned away from the other woman and faced the table, faced the bar full of hunters, and took a deep breath.  Ellen followed her lead, melting into the backrest of the booth with a deep sigh that pressed her even closer to Mary.  They’re touching from knee to shoulder now, wedged against each other with two empty seats across from them and a bar full of space outside their corner booth.   “I want out of this shit, El.” Mary let herself want.  Just for a moment, just here with Ellen.  “I want out of this shit, and I want us to move to the suburbs, and I’ll have a swingset in my yard, and you can have the pool in yours right next door, and you’ll have that little girl you want, and I want you to never have to wash wraith goo out of my hair ever again.”   Ellen laughed. “Aren’t you and John in the suburbs already?” “You know what I mean, Ellen.  I want us both out of this.”  Mary spoke like she wasn’t the one who drove all those hours away from her family home to slaughter some spirit.  She spoke like she didn’t already have one foot out the door and in John Winchester’s family home.  She spoke like she wanted out of that too, somehow.   Ellen just sighed and took a drink of her own glass, catching up with the heavy swigs Mary had taken so far.  “A pool sounds nice.”   Matching recliners, matching swimsuits, matching tans.  Kids splashing in the water.  A little blonde girl with Ellen’s cracking wit and a braid done up by Mary.  Dean teaching the younger ones to swim, his sun-freckles strewn across his baby-cheeks.   “It does, doesn’t it?” Mary bumped her shoulder against Ellen’s, the whiskey loosening her posture and freeing her inhibitions.  It’d only take the rest of the glass before Mary would be able to ask for what she really wanted. Ellen ghosted a hand over her stomach like she could imagine it, like she was seeing a future where she’s swollen-bellied and content, with a mortgage and Mary close by.  The corners of her lips turned up, a hint of a smile, a touch of happiness; and maybe Mary wanted that, wanted Ellen happy however she can get her.

___________

It would be much later in the night, hours later, glasses later, a warm shower later, when Mary finally gives into what she wants and falls into Ellen’s arms and her bed.  They would bury their wants in each other, hiding their future desires in the here-and-now.   When it was over and they both allowed the night to wrap them up into a sleep of forgetting, Mary wished she could hold on just a little longer.   But, the morning would come.  The road and her family would call and Mary would leave Ellen and The Roadhouse and their carefully constructed future dreams behind.   Mary didn’t have time to want.  Not in this life.

[cashorrors]

sapphicnatural is so real i also just love women