#saw someone going like ‘oh this person is autistic so probably why they seem awkward here and made a joke with inappropriate timing. they

[more-thoughts-than-money]

Born “gifted”; grown chronically depressed

// long, personal post. basically a tutorial on express therapy (and by express I mean 10 years of rationalising, learning psychology on myself and fictional characters + 48 hours of not sleeping)

When I was grieving I spent 48 hours sleepless

it’s not that I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been on insomnia medication for 3 years now. I just had to “have a reason” and time to actually acknowledge my emotion and thoughts which caused my body to struggle with setting a “proper” circadian rhythm

Living with a 5 person family in basically a studio flat for 13 years of my life low-key harmed my ability to think and “feel” without privy eyes

this accidentally sent my brain into survival mode where I could only “think rationally” at night

So when we moved out and I got to have a room of my own

that’s when *serious* sleep problems started

my brain would just REFUSE to shut the fuck up

first off I was used to tv noise while falling asleep

i fixed it up with some rain sounds or watching ATLA when I was feeling funky

it distracted me enough

still I wouldn’t fucking sleep.

because my brain didn’t feel like it

probably hyperactivity which I could never “treat” with sport as an asthmatic kid

also an outcast but it is what it is

unable to name the cause of my insomnia I would just head to sleep at 10pm. Two reasons for that:

a) you know what they say! Don’t trust your thoughts after 10PM

b) 8h of sleep is THE healthy amount. And it seems like my brain likes waking up early for whatever reason!

yeah also I went through a fair share of medication before they got it right

anyways whoops I’m depressed now. Very depressed and even more anxious. Day by day my brain is giving me more compulsive behaviours and thoughts! Yaaay!

so I went through a 3 years worth of antidepressants

also a lot of unintended research (thanks, tiktok.)

basically I “subconsciously” KNEW what my problem is but “consciously” my brain refused I acknowledge it because haha living in the state of constant survival mode is way more fun! right?

right?

basically it was like being a doctor and being pretty certain about the diagnosis but having to go to some other doctor to objectively either confirm or discard my diagnosis

yeah anyways I changed medication, SNRI, venlafaxine

known to help some adhd folk with severe vegetative depression for “no reason”

Yeah basically my new psychiatrist kept on upping the dose until I got “a kick in the ass” so we know it works

and then my aunt died.

wELL my workaholic and emotionally constipated child brain would NOT acknowledge it

hell you’d catch me dead before I’d admit that I felt shitty but didn’t know how to deal with that because at the same time I “saw it coming”

No one ever told me she’s sick

I just saw her hair loss (or rather a sudden haircut change and awkward silence that followed) and had some foggy memory of someone saying her sister died of cancer

Mind you I don’t fucking remember my childhood that well

hell I don’t remember it at all but it is what it is

I just “know” some things and some are more of a “hunch”

I have this information buried in my brain but I can’t recall how it got there, ykwim?

yeah basically I was suspecting she’s dying of cancer but I was trying to stay optimistic and told myself I’m “overthinking it”

and I thought the mourning was “good enough of a reason” to stay up for 48 hours, write down my “thoughts” and wail all day long (yes, everyone gave me shit for crying growing up, how did you know?)

anyways yeah I did this and suddenly I “solved” the root of ALL my anxieties and minor paranoias.

as if it was a fucking riddle. Or a fucking house MD episode.

I hope you can understand WHY I’m so livid.

I SPENT OVER 3 YEARS ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND MADE ONE THERAPIST CRY JUST BECAUSE MY BRAIN WENT SO FAR INTO THE SURVIVAL MODE EVERY TIME I INTERACTED WITH A HUMAN BEING. IM JUST FUCKING AUTISTIC AND TRAUMATISED NOT “ANXIOUS” AND “PARANOID”

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

Also I’m fucking dyslexic. But hyperlexic at the same time. I mean I’m hyperlexic in my native language, and I “remember” the spellings so I went undiagnosed

but I love technology. I want to be a CS student and then I’ll see where I can go from here. I’d love to work on an online learning platform for “gifted” children

y’know so they don’t lose their childhood but at the same time can associate learning with something nice and actually enjoyable

I think a lot of “gifted kid burnout” comes from the | dopamine <—> habit making | mechanism

so if children can learn they don’t HAVE TO be good at every subject and learn their “strengths and weaknesses” early on

Hardships later on won’t be as depressing

cause hey maybe I’m not the best at english but I know a lot about maths and I like maths and maybe when I grow older I can be a mathematician!!

you see what I mean?

at least this is what I’m trying to do for myself

generational trauma and neurodivergency running in the family made me develop some shitty coping mechanisms (example - perfectionism in order to cope with my actual time blindness and the “need” for structure while hating organisation and refusing “unreasonable” authority)

I wasn’t raised catholic, not really

nor was I raised queer lol

but my brain reacted to religion the same way people who went through religious trauma did

basically I put myself through religious trauma on accident!

fun, aye?

what I mean is, I grew up religious because that’s what “felt right”

tradition and all that

and then I realised the catholics hate me for no fucking reason

and then I thought “well fuck you too!” And called myself an atheist

later it went into agnostic

and a couple of weeks back I grew OBSESSED with religion

christian one I mean

Fuck I even started reading the nsrv bible in english (!)

and then I tried to interpret it “by myself” using some historical context and googling some stuff

WHAAAAAAAT! Turns out the bible is a product of its own time and is not to be taken literally!

That’s crazy innit?

Yeah and then I realised all of my recent hyperfixations (last two years) were a silent ways of rationalising ALL my “unreasonable” anxiety and trauma caused by; you guessed it

NOT UNDERSTANDING SYMBOLISM AND SOCIAL CUES AS IT IS

IN MY NATIVE FUCKING LANGUAGE

I can learn *any* language

I just need some books, movies, music in said language

But don’t ask me about any grammar. I don’t care about grammar. And you can’t make me. Idfk what present simple is but I can shove it so far up your ass your own mother won’t recognise you. so yeah

I’m great at learning languages cause they’re a “brainless” work for me

I mean

I learn languages for fun - it’s a tool to communicate with broader audience AND find more knowledge on the internet (I Google EVERYTHING in english)

and when someone tries to make it into an actual job of mine. This is when it goes downhill.

also english being coded as “language of knowledge” is my “main” language

my native language is way more complicated and I never really had to acknowledge my emotion in polish

I mean maybe I did but I just never wanted to cause I never learned that! English in comparison is simple. It allows me to communicate simple ideas without the need to “sound smart”

this and isolation from my peers (kids are bastards) gave me an actual “language barrier”

which isn’t the case really

it was just my overthinking

I started enjoying polish music way more recently cause I can never get the lyrics

so I listen only to what sounds “cool”

in english on the other hand the most of my music taste was built around midwestern emo and folk punk

cause I listened only to songs that felt “somewhat relatable”

yeah all of that understanding makes me want to write an essay but i kind of don’t care and I’m too lazy to do that!

so yeah this is how I “cured” my compulsions, anxiety, depression, irritability and perfectionism. By having fucking adhd and being a massive nerd. because I would hyperfixate on linux, customisation, open source applications, cybersecurity, programming

turns out I’m great at maths since I KNOW HOW to solve the problems

My brain is just too quick to do it step by step so I tend to skip and get lost in my own fuckin notebook 💀

schooling just made me believe I suck at maths and i should actually kms for trying to improve at it /hj /lh

And I suck at my own language. I know a lot of “complicated” words and can deduce what certain words mean (logically) but I have issues adapting my language to my listeners. I either cuss every other word (too comfortable; thanks mom LMFAO)

Or I speak like an university professor. To my peers. And they don’t know what the fuck is going on. And I end up isolating myself because of crippling fear of being misinterpreted. And people think I don’t have a sense of humour whatsoever because I don’t “get” jokes. But I joke a lot and am very sarcastic cause that’s just how I am. God damn it

When were y’all going to tell me not everyone thinks I want to use them and be a bastard overall when I need to ask someone for help. when. were. you.

icb I had to go to paid therapy, feed myself some subliminal messaging, deprive myself of sleep for 48 hours, force myself to talk to my dad about things I don’t understand or scare me, go manic for a week on venlafaxine, my aunt had to die and I had to have a reason not to go to school for 2 days for me to actually acknowledge my emotion instead of rationalising it.

also everyone in school + my therapist thinks I’m still manic and in need of hospitalisation. How do I even begin to explain it’s not that I have superiority complex, and I just realised I’m hella smart, just in a pretty unexpected way….. because thorough my entire life I never acknowledged it for the sake of being “humble”. bitch it’s not humble it’s the lack of self worth and being someone else’s doormat.

y’all think that if I say “house md and one tumblr post cured me” they’ll let me off the radar?

no honestly I have too much to catch up on (maths, c++, reading in POLISH, and learning German for fun) to actually care about “depressing” things of this world

I mean sure it does sound unhealthy in hindsight

but thing is

this is the first time in my life where I don’t feel hopeless both about present AND the future

and I guess that’s enough for now

I have “a goal” and that’s enough

Later I might catch a job as an actual university professor. Maths or computer science. Biology or physics maybe?

it gives me an excuse to be “eccentric” lol

cause the students are here to learn not to make fun of who I am and focus on that

sure it’s a funny anecdote to mention like “dude my physics teacher is fucking nuts but at least his lectures are interesting”

and that’s all I care about

I get to express myself instead of internalising anything

and the students get to learn

yay and yay

mutual benefit!

yeah anyway fuck I have so much shit to catch up on and I’m so lazy I actually have to reorganise my room and desk so I don’t try to do my homework in bed……. (Yes I was THAT depressed and lazy)

when I do my chores in bed I keep on losing my pens and I’m one minor inconvenience away from doing something I might not particularly want to do…….

yah

thats it I guess

If this post made anyone realise something (“connect some dots”)

congrats and I’m sorry you had to find out this way LMFAO

if not

scroll ahead, not the target audience probably

[cryptcatz]

i seriously hate when someone is like “well xyx could be related to this mental illness or neurodivergence” and someone feels the need to come in like “well *I* have depression/adhd/am autistic/etc. and i shower consistently, am not messy, understand social cues, am great in school and work, and am overall a functional and ‘normal’ person so it’s no excuse uwu” literally shut the fuck up lmao

like what do you get by shitting on other neurodivergent ppl who struggle more than you do? of course having something like autism isn’t an excuse to do whatever you want with no regards to others, but it can explain why you struggle with other things more so than neurotypicals do. give us a little patience and understanding. don’t act like just because YOU can “overcome” your conditions it means the rest of us are not trying hard enough or are being lazy or whatever.

[horrible-monstrosity]

in this episode: ruby goes mgtow and amethyst has some sort of horseplay fetish. ye haw Ruby actually deciding she's okay without Sapphire, or not fused with her anyway, because she just kept to the fusion status quo because Rose said so, is actually somewhat insightful and interesting, and Steven's kneejerk "get back together love !!!" reaction is even curbed by Greg's entirely reasonable advice. It's great. how will they ruin it ... Man, Steven tells Ruby she can even love someone and still want time alone. The second Ruby started bawwing I was expecting them to crash the pendulum right back into the other end of the horseshoe (or... something) and the show would start shoving one of its usual bizarre post-aesop aesops down our cumholes. But instead not only does Steven say something sane, it's him applying what Greg told him earlier. Kind of. We never actually saw him process what he was told and decide to change his mind. But I can pretend it's good writing and that much is an improvement for this show This even brings the wedding thing into a sane context. Steven suggests it as a healthier alternative to their current situation. I mean the marriage and wedding thing itself is just boring pandering meandering and a waste of fucking time but they just skimmed so damn close to something good and insightful it's astounding. Talk about

saphr randomly starts angsting about the dead gems over wedding invitations why did no one ever cre unti now and then spahr fucking over wedding envelope numbers this is stupid ....and then stephen makes the huge fucking stupid mistake of letting bismuth out in the bubbe room and it immediately goes horribly wrong, what fuck was he expecting oh look that ornge monter gem wasn't jasper. lol nebvermind i'm not looking forward to anything anymore Although Bismuth stuffing her face in hot lava and gargling it is great And then Bismuth takes it... way too well. I mean it's almost interesting if you bothered to explore why her reaction is like this, maybe she was doubting her own convictions all along and this is that last push she needs to- what fuc you mean bismuth is surprised garnet unfused over that. she unuses over mad revelations all the damn time that reaction should be a "well no shit lol" I can't tell whether Steven is being smort by reassuring Bismuth that no one will care she's back or insensitive She has a damn good point, the gems could have come got her any time they wanted but the plot kind of fucking forgot her lol

wedding episode owow the female nonbinary women gem people are all wearing tuxedos and pants and shit wow is this show breaking the gener bindary by doing the exact same opposite thing as it always done?? and only yhen does amethyst think roses might have been a bad choice of flower. steven has a different flower on his lapel though, where'd that come from? Okay, but Peridop is wearing a sundress like a normal person. why I wish they had actually *done* something with Rupy and Sappire wearing *the exact opposite of what you'd expect exactly as you'd expet !!!" like have Ruby actually want to be the girly one this time and Sapphire honors it by being the groom- that is, have Sapphire be considerate of Ruby. Would make up for all those other times I bitched about where Ruby is made subservient to Sapphire in a like crypto-gynocentric fashion. (... That's probably the worst phrase I have ever typed.) Instead they just parrot the mediocre and obvious aesops from the previous episodes. how did rupy not set the dress on fire setting herself on fire

mn remember hiw llars wanted to be social n shiet and was really angst about it and now he's missing this major social event? lol who cares lol mayor and actor guy are a better ship than any other couple this show has ever produced, and it's all the result of Sugar's gender-nonbinary female-worshiping inability to quit shitting on men. reeeeeeeeee stev starts cri because the diamonds come, but he only did that the first time because blue visited pink's grave and cried... oh, never mind, she's just crying for no reason. why. why not have her arrival heralded by something normal, instead of making her cry so they can autistically and emptily call back to the other thing? we get it, you referenced the excel spreadsheet detailing the previous episodes and the cell for "Steven hears Blue Bismuth coming" said "crie". they have to stop and explain to bismut what the clsuter is with a dumb over-compressed single sentence that doesn't add anything or help anything except to paper-mache over the fact that the writers forogt bismut existed for way too long. Just... pretend she got caught up off screen and skip this dumb shit. It just feels so awkward. then steven has to sleep, which is double dumb (and wasn't even the case when he talked to the clussy last time, was it? when he was in the drill)- first by breaking the mood having him go "omg lol gotta take a naaap~~~", and then making him look pathetic for falling asleep that fast just because one second of lullaby, even though we're supposed to be watching him do something heroic immediately afterwards. You'd think he could at least go straight into a dream-state without actually falling asleep first, or something, because magic. so where was the cluster? deep in the earth, but near the surface somewhere, but now it's just hanging out right by the surface near beach city i ges and then clussy bitchslaps the diamondos because no shit it does steven talked to it once, nothing matters ... Wait, I've already forgotten, but he went to sleep just to check on the clussy, right? But it helped them anyway, because of course it did, so that was pointless. why

"it's... pretty interdasting when you think about it" I hate this. Why did they just shove this stupid little quirky line in in the middle of steven having a serious exposition conversation with blue? why did you fucking have to ruin the tone with it?who wrote this shit so why is lapis here? they're going to punish me like a crystal gem i'll be one, but the diamonds don't seem to give a single fuck about her. and then blue just gets nuked by the crashing ship anyway no one cares and then the cluster just goes back to its literal bubble no one cares and then peridop and lapis and no one else conveniently get poofed becuase that's the only way those two chan fucking change outfits in this autistic fucking show. wait, how did rupy and sap change into wedding gear earlier? and then steven has an out of body experience...?????? what fuck happening steven's mindblast peptalks would be fine in any normal context but like this it just comes off like he mindraped them into thinking positively. he just says the thing and without even responding to him saying it the gems parrot it. and then steven flails around blue and it just looks ridiculous and stupid and that's how they solve everything the end

Basically, the show is trying to finally have things happen, but the weight of all the absolute crap it has written up until this point, as well as its weird approach to its aesops/morals, is fuck. Even if the writers have started to take their shit seriously they'll have to spend a lot of damn time unraveling the shit they've wrought, digging themselves out of the shithole they dug themselves into, before they can get things moving properly again.

[astroshad]

3, 10, 14, 18.

3. What are your favorite stims?Ok, so I have quite a few. I’ll break them down into different categories.Sound: Most of my stims are sound based. I tend to hum/sing pretty much 24/7. My current fave vocal stim is this bit of Cool Patrol by NSP (https://youtu.be/-tW0G9XWaj0?t=2m20s) . Also Hamilton songs (as well as anything else by Lin-Manuel Miranda) are very stimmy for me to listen to or sing to. For the past few days I’ve also been stimming to the main song from The Song of the Sea ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6wVijh2n9g ) and an Irish folk song called Dulaman (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ukjpUD5fZA ). I also have some sort of background noise set up on my laptop when I’m on it. I love the sound of rain (Usually I use rainymood) and foresty sounds(https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/meadowCreekSoundscapeGenerator.php).

Taste: I’ve noticed that candy canes seem to be a stim for me. The mint is soo good. Also hot chocolate and tea is awesome too.

Touch: Anything soft. I have this medium-sized Belle tsum tsum I got when I was in New York that’s perfect for cuddling and stuff. I really wanna get some kinetic sand cause it looks really cool but yea…

Sight: GLITTER! NEON LIGHTS! VAPORWAVE-Y THINGS! RAIN! GLOWY THINGS! I’m probably missing a few, but you get the idea. XD

Smell: I’ve been collecting candles over the past few months and now my desk is 25% candles….My faves are pumpkin, lavender, and pine.

10. What is one thing that you wished everyone knew about autism?The spectrum isn’t a line. Everyone experiences their autism differently. For example, me and @kikikid1412 are both autistic. She has issues with some foods and their textures, whereas I’m perfectly ok with them.

14. Describe a place/room/situation that would be sensory heaven to you.A place where I can freely sing/hum as loud as I want for as long as I want, listen to the same songs on repeat without the use of headphones and not feel self conscious about my music choices. The place would also have an infinitely burning pumpin scented candle, fairy lights/neon lights on the walls, and tons of glitter jars. I would look out the window and see that the rain is never ending.

18. What are your autistic headcanons?YOU’VE DONE IT NOW. SIT DOWN CAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE A FUCKIN RIDE.I have a bunch of characters that I headcanon to be autistic (which are on my about page), but the headcanons I ABSOLUTELY LOVE/ ARE EXTREMELY SPECIAL TO ME are as follows…

Peridot (from Steven Universe): I developed this headcanon back when the “Peridot redemption arc” was first starting. This was also around the time when I was starting to learn more about Autism and who I was. This was basically my gateway to headcanons as a whole. The headcanon clicked into place when I saw that Peridot really didn’t understand how things worked and how hard it was for her to grasp the set of social rules that she was presented with. She wanted to fit in with the gems and tried her hardest to understand things. Especially when she unintentionally hurt Amethyst. The tape recorder also played a big part in this headcanon. Peridot was so used to her screens and homeworld tech in order to communicate and process the world around her. When Steven gave her the tape recorder, it allowed her to continue her routine of keeping logs and also communicate her feelings to the gems. The main examples being her rewinding and repeating bits of the tape (“CLOD! CLOD! CLOD!”) and when she apologized to Amethyst in recording form. There are many other reasons why I headcanon Peridot as autistic, but there are the two main reasons that started this whole thing.

Papyrus (from Undertale): I’ve talked about this in the past, but I’ll say it again. I see a lot of myself in Papyrus. And I didn’t even mean to make this headcanon at first, but just like the last headcanon, it clicked into place. The only difference is that with this one, it happened in more of a “oh my god i see the light” sort of way. It was late 2015, and I was in a public speaking class at my college. For the final project, we had to give a persuasive speech. I chose to do mine on Autism Speaks and why they are pretty much the spawn of satan. So I was sitting in the library doing research and one of the articles talked a bit about the symptoms of autism. As I was reading them, my thoughts drifted to Undertale, since at the time that was one of my main special interests. And for some reason, my thoughts drifted to Papyrus specifically. Then, time pretty much almost literally froze for me. “Papyrus is autistic…” The thought popped up. “Papyrus…..is AUTISTIC!!” the thought echoed again. A smile grew on my face and I jut felt so happy. There was a character that was clearly autistic…and the other characters loved him and cared for him greatly and didn’t think he was dumb/a burden/other bad words!!!! They accepted him for who he was and he accepted himself too!!! Papyrus was and still is the character I needed in that time. I’m still learning to accept myself and I know that even if it doesn’t feel like I’m making huge leaps, Papyrus would be proud of me and be like “HUMAN! LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE!!”

Alexander Hamilton (from the musical, Hamilton):  This one is kind of hard to explain. even I don’t have the full explanation figured out ( @kikikid1412 ya might have to help me out with this). The best explanation I can give is that, for some reason, the musicial has just kind of…attached itself deep into my soul? I love it. It’s just so important to me. Maybe the reason I have the “Alexander is autistic” headcanon is because he’s kind of what I want to be. He’s loud, he lets his thoughts be known, he is completely himself. And as someone who is kind of shy and quiet and self concious, why wouldn’t I want to be more like that? I’ve talked about this in my New Years post, but I want to speak up more. I want to grab the things I want, not let them slide by. I want to be in the room where it happens. Like I said, I’m still trying to truly figure out the reason I love this headcanon so much.

Rapunzel (from Tangled) and Belle (from Beauty and the Beast): These two princesses have always been special to me, even before I started this whole headcanoning thing. Beauty and the Beast is basically the movie my father and I share. It’s our movie. As a kid and even now, Belle was my favorite Disney Princess. Then, when I saw Tangled in 2012, the movie just instantly became one of my faves. When I showed the movie to my friends, they even said “Rapunzel is basically you.” So when I got into headcanoning and reading other people’s headcanons for them, I guess it started to make more sense WHY I loved them and WHY I saw bits of myself in them. Rapunzel is this energetic and loud princess with a thousand special interests. Belle is the odd one out in her village and nobody understands her. And for the most part, she’s fine with her books, but she wishes someone would understand her. And she even has doubts about herself because of the way the villagers are towards her (“Papa…do you think I’m…odd?” ). AND BOTH PRINCESSES WANT ADVENTURE! That’s something I want too!! I could go on and on about why I love these princesses so much..

Link (from The Legend of Zelda): This headcanon is kind of new for me, but my love for Zelda is something I’ve had for a looooong time. Zelda has been one of my special interests since I played Link’s Awakening and the Oracle games way back in the day. And even though I love the Zelda series, its the classic games (First game, up until Ocarina/Majora. Also any game attached to the LTTP story) that are closest to my heart and are pretty much a part of me now. So why wouldn’t I love a headcanon that claims THE MAIN CHARACTER AND HERO is autistic? It makes so much sense to me and the headcanon makes me really happy.

Graham (from King’s Quest) and Guybrush Threepwood (from Monkey Island): THESE GAMES ARE REALLY GOOD AND YOU SHOULD PLAY THEM!!! Anyway, these games are pretty much my special interests now, as is point and click games in general. I love these two characters sooo soo much. Both are socially awkward, dorky adventurers. They think outside of the box frequently and come up with solutions that an average person wouldn’t think of. Guybrush has a special interest in pirates. Graham has a special interest in adventuring and puzzles. I will say, my headcanon for Graham is a bit more developed than the one for Guybrush. Graham has the tendency to ramble when excited (when he asks Manny to be friends, when he meets the potion shop owners, when encountering that big puzzle in chapter 4). He also is hyperempathetic (one word: Achaka). Also I headcanon Neese/Vee as autistic and the rest of the family too!

Dawn (from the musical, Waitress): Waitress..oh my god I love Waitress! It’s the first musical I saw LIVE ON BROADWAY!! As I was watching it i was like “Yes…Dawn is autistic as fuuuck : D   ;-; ” Like, in the first song she’s in (Opening Up) she flat out states she likes the way the diner has its own daily routine. She then continues to show that she loves routines (going home and eating a specific tv dinner and watching the history channel). She also is anxious and socially awkward. She has a special interest in history, especially the American Revolution.

Marty Mcfly and Doc Brown (from Back to the Future): I’m gonna start this by saying I love this headcanon, because Marty and Doc are basically me and @kikikid1412 !! Like our sistership is very similar to Doc and Marty’s friendship. Marty is anxious and often times worries about what people will think of him, while Doc is always encouraging Marty to just do it!!! I’ve reblogged a few posts about autistic Marty recently and you can go check out @kikikid1412 for her Doc headcanons. But basically this headcanon is special because I’m like Marty and sis is like Doc! And I see so many similarities between us and the characters!!

Amalthea, Prince Lir, Molly Grue, and Schmendrick (from The Last Unicorn): I’m still trying to develop this headcanon but here’s what I got so far.Schmendrick: Has a special interest in magic and mythological creatures. Stims by juggling.Molly Grue: Goes without shoes due to sensory issues. Special interests are legends and mythological creatures (mainly Robin Hood and unicorns). Very blunt and to the point, can be seen as rude (especially in the scenes where she’s talking to King Haggard)Prince Lir: Doesn’t know how to express his feelings properly/can’t put them into words. Had no clue how to approach the whole “I love Amalthea” thing and stuck to the script of “a daring hero slaying monsters” in hopes it would impress her. He also couldn’t read Amalthea and kept at the whole hero thing until he finally realized it wasn’t working.

[liesonthefloordramatically]

ALRIGHT, PART THREE, REVELATIONS GALORE

When we last left our heroes, Sam and Jonathan were having a surprisingly chill conversation while Myra slept and Luke...did something??? (where is Luke for all of this)

Sam sends Jonathan to check on Lida Lynn, who is the injured girl who was rescued from Lucelli (remember him? he’s the sketch guy who has honestly been mentioned like forty times at this point and I keep failing to include him in my liveblog because I Don’t Care)

He took a few steps around the chair at her bedside so that he could stand over her.

JONATHAN, STOP BEING A CREEPER, weren't you just judging Sam for doing the same thing to your mom

fortunately, Lida Lynn wakes up and freaks out to see a weird kid hovering over her and disappears (spoiler alert: that’s her super power; she can literally stop existing)

“Well, if you don’t want to talk, I’ll just be in the next room.  Holler if you need something.”  Sam gave Jonathan a significant look before he turned and left. The only problem was that Jonathan had no idea what the significant look was supposed to mean.

I'M CONFUSED TOO, JONATHAN, AND I WROTE THIS

anyway, Lida Lynn and Jonathan have an awkward conversation in which she refuses to give him any information

“And stop staring. It gives me the creeps.”

thanks, Lida Lynn

“Jonathan Roshell,” she said, narrowing her eyes, “don’t tell me you’re a coward.”

Lida Lynn is so manipulative, holy cow

anyway, she convinces him to try to heal her which goes POORLY

“If I didn’t know better, I would say that someone stomped on you or something.” Jonathan squeezed his eyes shut, trying to forget the pain, which had subsided to a dull ache in his bones now. “Maybe went at you with a knife, from the slash marks.” 

I don’t really get why Jonathan is having such a hard time figuring out that, like, I don’t know, maybe she was attacked with a knife?  Maybe she was stomped on?  WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES, JONATHAN?  DID SHE FALL OUT OF A TREE REALLY BADLY?

then Myra shows up again to yell at him and chase him out of the room

“And stay away from those men,” Jonathan’s mother said as her son passed her at the door. “They’ll bring you nothing but trouble.”

Myra, you've been unconscious for like one million years, I think your warning is coming a little late

also, literally, where the heck is Luke

THE CATS ARE BACK, but Jonathan's having a Bad Time and refuses to heal them

If it was so easy to heal cats, why couldn’t he heal Lida Lynn?

Bro, the cats are like...much smaller than a sixteen-year-old girl.  Just putting that out there.

also, there’s such mixed thematic messages, ‘cause it’s both “you heal one and you have to heal them all” and “sometimes people make mistakes” and ?????  Are these two themes related???  Is this ever resolved???

FLASHBACK TIME, Myra and Sam are going to convince Luke's dad to enroll Luke in Rester's """""boarding school"""""

have I mentioned that I love Luke because I love him he's the best character in this danged thing

“Oh, no, not at all.  He’s top of his class in everything.  It’s just that he never seems to be paying attention in class, and doesn’t talk to anyone, and spends every recess playing with rocks and twigs in the corner of the playground.”  He rubbed the bridge of his nose.  “It’s a good day if I can get three words out of him.”  His eyes darted from Sam to Myra, pleading.  “Do you know what’s wrong with him?  They school counselor said it might be autism, but she said some of his behavior was inconsistent…”  He trailed off hopelessly.

I mean, honestly, he reads as autistic + super powers, so

“I think if I went away to school, my father would be lonely,” Luke said bluntly, his gaze boring into Sam.

LUKE

anyway, I don’t have much to complain about here because it’s mostly Luke side-eyeing everyone and I Approve

BACK TO JONATHAN, who passed out and now is waking up and feeling crappy but still has the energy to eavesdrop on Sam and Myra having weird conversations in the hallway

“And then Rester tells me to find you. You know, I think he knew where you were all along.”

Haha, he definitely did, Rester is a troll, he literally introduced you by having one of you bleed out on the floor in front of the other so that she would overcome her trauma and use her fricking powers

“Myra, are you honestly expecting me to go home without a fight? He’s my son too!”

SHOCK I know none of you saw this coming

“Do you honestly think I want my son to know that his father is a pathetic loser who was sent to prison on a forgery charge? Don’t make me laugh.” “Oh, well, it’s wonderful that you can sneer at me, miss perfect,” Sam spat, drawing himself up to his full height. “Did you ever tell your son about your little prison stint?” Jonathan’s mother narrowed her eyes. “Don’t you dare,” she whispered. “You know nothing about that.” “Oh, I think I know plenty.” Sam flashed her a bitter smile. “They’d never seen anything like it, had they?  Good thing Rester got you out of your sentence, or you would have been there for…how long? Twenty years?”

AND FINALLY THE FORESHADOWING IS STARTING TO PAY OFF

Okay, time to fact-check again.  Given that Myra likely got dinged for manslaughter rather than murder, it's VERY unlikely she'd wind up with 20 years.  But then again, there are a lot more mitigating factors for murder than there are for forgery, so I don't know?  (Also, given the, uh, nature of the crime, she might have been hit with a murder sentence rather than manslaughter, even if manslaughter would have been more accurate.)

Conclusion: Maybe she got 20 years but probably not.  But this could also just be Sam having no idea how sentencing works, so????

“I’m going for a walk,” he said

Jonathan, continuing to have all the personality of a wet paper bag

FLASHBACK TIME, Myra and Sam being cute together, ruined by Myra finding out that Sam has been knifed and didn't tell her, awkward

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

YEAH, SAM, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL YOUR HEALER GIRLFRIEND YOU HAD A KNIFE WOUND

Heh, um, sorry about that.  

*eyerolls into infinity*

“G’night,” he murmured.  “I love you.” She pretended not to hear him.

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG