#scheme benchmark

[elizabethrobertajones]

pretty fucked up they let you change this

[friendship ended meme]

[rmbunnie]

Okay, here's part two of my Green Arrow: Seeing Red thoughts. I'm going to be talking about the much more well-debated side of things here, and that is, of course, the Mia-Jason side of things. I don't really have a thesis for this essay of a post, besides the basic ground rule that I don't think Jason intended to kill Mia, and that's written out pretty clearly in the text. Also that the idea that Jason was lying about his history and beliefs to manipulate Mia (to what end people never really say, as similarly to the "killing her" misconception, he also wasn't trying to recruit her or really make her do anything) isn't particularly supported by anything in the storyline OR any of Jason's previous characterization, adds very little to the story except maybe peace of mind that his entire presence and everything he says aren't worth thinking over because they're just lies anyways and one contribution to a hypothetical callout post for fictional character Jason Todd that needs to be beefed up with conjecture because actual published stories about him aren't cutting it, and kind of just doesn't engage in like, the basic concept of accepting the premise of a work of fiction imo. I do love a good theory, but there's no subtext really there to support it, and the only piece of evidence is just "what if the story itself was wrong." What if he was lying? Well, then it would serve no purpose and go nowhere. What if Oliver Queen was secretly named Pete Arrows and they just didn't say it ever. What if. This is really just going to be loose thoughts on the storyline, but having said that:

I think Seeing Red coming relatively close after Heading Into The Light contextualizes the story in several really important ways: it makes Jason's actions read even less as an attempt at lethal harm with Dr. Light's actual go at killing people in mind, and it gives Mia a reason to be on high alert. Whether it was an intentional parallel or Winick just had certain scenarios he liked to default to during the mid-2000s I can't say for sure, but Heading Into The Light gives us a benchmark to compare Jason's scheme to of a sadistic villain intending permanent harm through an attack with shared elements to Jason's... thing, only implemented much more severely. And let's be clear, two things can be bad, and Dr. Light is the genuine worst. He is potentially the easiest character to ever be a better person than. but lining them up side by side? Dr. Light attacks Mia's school with full attendance, remotely mass murdering her classmates in a very methodical and near-instant pattern as a way of drawing her out. Jason shows up in her high school gym at night, when the building is empty, and attacks with the single goal of prolonging their conversation as he goads her to fight against him more and more viciously. Dr. Light actually DOES explicitly mock Mia for her HIV status, both internally (implying Ollie would be predatory towards her if he wasn't afraid of catching AIDS) and externally "(I guess hookers really are street smart and tough,") as well as making uncomfortably suggestive comments towards her ("Not quite the schoolgirl in that belly shirt. I feel like you should be in a bar with eight other girls. I could always go for some jello shots.") Jason brings up Mia's history specifically as a response/correction to "You don't know anything about me." Tactless to say the least, but not unprompted like one would expect from a taunt (and like Dr. Light's references to Mia's abuse,) and much less derogatory than "you hookers are tough." The part of his statement that reads as aggressive is centered around Mia's (alleged) unwillingness to kill, her status as a victim isn't the target of his scorn. Which, that isn’t a feat to be clear, i just don’t think he’s mocking her for her diagnosis like I see claimed. In terms of reaction: Mia usually likes to dish it out back, and when Dr. Light disparages her her knee-jerk reaction is saying he has no right be talking shit about her when he's dressed like that (to summarize.) When Jason says they're similar in background she just goes back in for another attack with a yell. Which seems like she might be more upset with Jason's reference than Dr. Light, but not like her usual response to insults.

I also think it's worthwhile to note that the gym is, up until this point in the comic, exclusively the setting where Mia came out to her entire school as being HIV positive. I wouldn't assume Jason knows that specific info, but the location already has a strong association with Mia revealing a personal secret to her peers, and it's where Jason's little chat with her, another teen sidekick, about them having similar pasts and parents goes down. It could be adding a layer of legitimacy or subtext to Jason's speech through the parallel to Mia's earnest coming-out and bid for understanding from her peers, it could be tainting Mia's reclamation of her diagnosis to have the place where her past was owned become the place where it linked her to a guy who cuts off heads -- do with it what you will. The gym is blown up at the end.

Jason actually does lie to Mia in this one, just not about himself or his past. He says that when she runs out of arrows, she knows that's gonna be it for her, and he'll be coming for her. It's technically true in the sense that she does know that, but it's ultimately an incorrect perception. Her bow breaks halfway through the fight, and Jason tosses her a pair of swords, then waits for her to get back up to keep fighting. In the end when she's pinned down, unarmed, and he's coming towards her with a knife, there's a panel of her face as she more or less accepts her fate, before it cuts to her safe outside of the building. So. He will not be getting her when she runs out of weapons. (I am so curious what happens on their end in the time between those panels, besides "he lets her go.") This also establishes a pattern of behavior consistent with his Onyx encounter, and which leads me to believe the Onyx interaction probably wouldn't have ended with him killing her either: He starts the combat with a big display of strength (kidnapping Mia/stabbing Onyx in the shoulder,) frees the opponent from it (unties Mia/dresses Onyx's wound with his special instant suturing bandaid,) insists that he's going to kill them if they fight him, and then doesn't. With Mia, he lets her go, and with Onyx, he's interrupted before she can start attacking (which he's waiting on her to do.) But applying the Mia pattern to Onyx, I do in fact think he's full of shit, and that even if Bruce hadn't shown, we can retroactively assume he would likely have had little intention of actually killing Onyx.

I just think it's fun that Mia's high school is named after Dennis O'Neil (Green Arrow/Green Lantern) and Kevin Smith.

I find it vague what Jason means when he says Mia "understands that very bad things need to be done to accomplish a great right." Obviously it's just Jason's worldview, that evil can be a tool to accomplish good outcomes, and the simple answer is him broadly saying she can relate to it, but why is he telling her? "You do [understand]" feels more personal than that, and what the "great right" actually is, in regards to what Mia is doing, seems unclear. It's a separate statement to "doing bad things just to get by" which references her/their background/s, and frames the good outcome as just surviving another day. I'm sure for Mia it reminds her of the end of City Walls, when she shot that guy because she had to take his wall/police-state curse down, but the thing is, even if she didn't like it, and had a major crisis of conscience over it, she did kill that guy. Not that Jason knows. In general, Green Arrow has much less of a revulsion to killing and death than Bruce, for whom it's nothing short of a fixation. So unless Jason just doesn't know that about Green Arrow, nor that Mia had already killed, it's a really weird point to argue. That probably is the situation, Jason just straight up does not know and is projecting his dynamic with Bruce onto a more understanding father, but it's a weird page, with the cut from him closing in on her to her safe outside, the emphasis on his dagger. Could Jason coming over to her with his dagger, taking into account the fact that she's open and he's shown to not kill her despite this, be following the pattern, shown twice in this issue alone, of him providing opponents weaponry to use against him? Was the "bad thing that needed to be done" his way of prompting her to use the dagger on him, in line with his efforts to make her shoot for his face? Probably not. It's a stretch, but then again, he did move the encounter along to the "advanced readers group" where he starts to allude to his own past and their similarities only after Mia followed up on her threat to shoot for his eye, effectively setting up a system where she "progresses" for hurting not villains or criminals, but him personally. Reading too far into this, but something about that page feels odd to me. It's just SUCH an ambiguous place to cut the scene. Anyways, whatever he way saying there, Mia seemed to be convinced.

I think the thing that bothers Mia most about the Jason interaction, by far, is that it inspired doubt in her relationship with Oliver. That, and the idea that overcoming her circumstances might not be enough to actually keep her Good, which are kind of the same thing. Mia seems to take a lot of pride in being like Oliver, and almost sees him as a uniquely good man, in her history at least. (Connor too, but he's not in the same type of caretaker/authority role.) She spends a substantial amount of time majorly upset after she finds out he cheated on Dinah, which seems somewhat charged taking into account her history, and the fact that he saved her from that politician, saved her from her abusive boyfriend, always responded appropriately to her early series crush, while every other man she interacted with only continued to perpetuate her suffering. (I see Winick's Green Arrow critiqued for having Ollie cheat, and while I absolutely don't agree with the choice to kill Joanna off in the manner that she was killed, and Winick's interview answer when asked about the choice to have Ollie cheat was that he just liked writing Oliver flawed, which is fair, I also think it serves Mia's character really well to have this kind of trial come up in her new parental relationship.) In the same issue where Jason says she's emulating her new flawed "daddy," she lies about her favorite type of pizza so she can agree with Ollie. Throughout the issue, her points of contention with Jason are less about his stance on killing and more that his claims that they're alike are incorrect, at a point where all she knows about him is that he's no longer good, and his father thinks he's trash in the gutter. Ollie will understand when push comes to shove. Ollie is unlike every other figure she looked up to who came before him, and she is unlike Jason, who attracted the wrath of his father by turning to evil. And are their situations similar? In some ways. Like I said in my mentor thoughts, Ollie is much more aware of his role as a parent than Bruce. We see his reaction to Mia killing, which is nothing like anything Bruce would even consider with the extent of his hang-up. He does share his privilege and wealth with Bruce, which Jason talks about as the root of their unwillingness to compromise in their values, while he, Mia, and people like them sometimes have to make the choice to do wrong in order to survive. (I do also think there's something to the fact that Jason comes to the conclusion that Ollie wouldn't understand Mia after pressuring both of them to opt for lethal shots on him, which Ollie abstains from and Mia gives in to, when really, there isn't a ton on the line for them to lose against him? He makes himself out to be like the benchmark of evil for a hero to use lethal force to stop, but like, there's no real threat that needs stopping in these scenarios.) Neither show up to their sidekicks' explosions in time to help them. Whether or not they're the same, (which to be clear, I don't think Mia could be put in Jason's position with Oliver as her parent,) I do think Mia assumes pre-encounter that Jason was sort of passively on the unchallenged side of good until he got sick of it, with how she says "stay on the right side of the line," and I do think it scares her, a character so centered around overcoming her past, to see that another kid started out needing to do wrong, getting the opportunity to leave that behind, and then ending up finding it necessary again of their own volition. But the idea that she might have picked the wrong person to follow again, that even if you rise above you can still end up being Jason, and even rising above can mean putting aside your past and trailing behind your new dad's convictions while your own sit latent, is probably what has her pushing him away when he tries to hug her outside.

[bleachbleachbleach]

Joe Shinigami Job Market

Last month I read an article about tennis rankings that--as would surely be true of most people who read it--made me think about the Gotei:

The greats in tennis often become known by their first names – Roger, Rafa, Serena – but the rest of us are known by a number, our world ranking. To a greater extent than in any other sport, world ranking determines who you play, where you play and how much money you make. Tennis players have a deep and lasting relationship with their highest ranking. (Mine was 129.) [x]

You have your famous, Captain- and VC-ranked shinigami, whose names you're more likely to know than not; and maybe some of the higher-seated officers are named entities, too, if you're really up on your Gotei trivia. And then after that you have your Joe Shinigami. People within the same division might have a decent sense of who those officers are in seats 3-20, but beyond that you're probably relatively anonymous. All the same, there's probably a whole complicated hierarchy that only the people embroiled in the same vicinity of it as you are have any clear sense of that Captains and probably VCs, too, cannot make heads nor tails of, even if they tried (and only some do). These finer hierarchies are probably related to that reiatsu ranking element that comes up like twice re: Kaien and then in the Hell Chapter, but we're never told how that works so let's leave that for now.

The tennis article goes on to discuss what it means to be the "best of the rest," where in comparison to the world population, you are insanely, insanely talented!! But because of the size of the stage, you're no one. And this is a really compelling space for me, in terms of contemplating how a lot of Joe Shinigami live in the world, and how it feels to be them, because the gap between Captains and unseated shinigami is stupid huge, insurmountable, and because the tasks at hand are so often Captain-levle and not, in fact, Joe Shinigami-level, even extremely talented Joe Shinigami level:

The true unfortunates, though, were the ones who were talented enough to rationally hope to advance. These were people who grew up as the best tennis players in their country, but were stuck between 300 and 600 in the world, not quite contending for the Challenger Tour nor the qualifiers at grand slams, but winning just often enough to keep their tennis dream faintly alive. [x]

Like, these are the seated or the not quite seated. The ones who might get good enough at zanjutsu or kidou to distinguish themselves, or maybe even have a shot at shikai. That upper echelon being highly-seated is completely out of the question, realistically, like "no matter how hard you flap you cannot fly" out of the question, but you're pretty good. You're good enough it makes sense to strive for a seat, or for shikai. Even as you're just utterly useless in the scheme of all these bankai people, or in a war where, frankly, all those bankai people are themselves getting mowed down without too much fuss. It's a hard place to be!

The "true unfortunates" being described are probably all the elite, highly-talented shinigami we're introduced to as being fairly useless. The Shinos and Ryuunosukes and Kurumadanis and that-one-guy-who-gave-us-outsider-narrative-before-Mayuri-blew-him-up of the world. Even the Iemuras, and that guy's actually very highly-ranked.

I just really like the duality of all these guys coming across as hapless and a little pathetic, and I think that's probably real; but at the same time they have been trained. They had to make it through the Academy and get selected into a division. I think that speaks to that massive divide in perspective/experience between the people at the top and the rest of everyone. Like, what do you really want to look for when hiring Joe Shinigami? Aptitude for shikai is probably, honestly, an unreasonable benchmark. Plus there's a good chance they're going to die whether they're Very Good or Pretty Good, because everyone's in that band of "probably in over their heads with this," even when there's not a TYBW going on, because it kind of seems like shinigami were getting eaten left and right by regular Hollows in Karakura, too.

And what are they getting paid for that honor? 2 million kan a year? That's about 700,000 kan above minimum wage in yen in 2001 (or, let's say as a very rough estimate, 7000 USD). I've seen Reddit people say is not that much money; and that's true, but it's also about what a well-paid grad student would be making (that is, the ones who are being paid at all). Most grad students are probably not at risk of death every day of their sad little jobs, but to my mind that seems like a reasonable point of reference for what kind of training and what sort of expectation one might have of a Joe Shinigami.

If you, too, would like to read an article about Joe Shinigami, I recommend that article, which is about Joe Shinigami, not competitive tennis!

Which brings me to the other side of the equation, and the Division job ads in the SC issue of Colorful Bleach, which I love dearly. In these ads, each division's captain and VC share qualities that a successful candidate would have, as well as pertinent information about their division. Except that everyone's answers have almost nothing to do with actual job qualifications (Sasakibe wants someone who can grow plants) and reflect very little thought about who they want. It goes back to what I said earlier: If they meet the base requirement of having graduated the Academy, they're probably gonna get in somewhere, unless they are truly Too Weird for the Gotei and the Vibes are Bad (see: vindictive not-shinigami in Bleach filler arcs).

Hitsugaya's is my favorite (from the unbiased and objective perspective I always strive for in fandom) because they are the LOWEST EFFORT OF THEM ALL aside from Soi Fon's (Soi Fon refuses to respond to almost all of the questions).

I mentioned in an earlier post that the soundbites read like the SC journalist was running after people who were preoccupied with something else, and said journalist just transcribed whatever nothing answer fell out of their mouths, and that's on display well here, because the answers are in very casual spoken vernacular. Bro did not spare a single thought for this exercise:

[Colorful Bleach]

[Desired personnel?] Guys who work hard.

[How is the division's atmosphere?] Good, wouldn't you say?

[Application requirements?] Nothing in particular.

[Any words for the prospectives?] Anyone who's interested can come whenever.

Which, like, yeah, if that's what your job ad says, then of course you're going to get hapless, somewhat pathetic Joe Shinigami! You've brought this on yourself!

But this also feels kind of legit to me, because even pre-TYBW and everyone dying, you're trying to fill seats and stay staffed to fulfill whatever slate of duties you drew from the pile of things the Gotei doesn't quite have the numbers to manage. And I think it speaks to an important part of the perspective here, which I think is partly not putting effort into answering the question; partly an issue of scale/demand outstripping supply; and partly struggling to really be able to (or care to) gauge the difference between 670th-ranked shinigami recruit and 863rd-ranked shinigami recruit. From your POV (the POV of outlier class) all Joe Shinigami are kind of the same, practically speaking; that is, everyone is statistically toeing the same baseline. For this purpose, what separates a good recruit from a bad one isn't really about existing qualifications, but the ability to be trained into whatever protocols your division operates by, and going from there. So yeah, be willing to work hard, in this case, and whatever will be will be!

[stylesclarified]

A BRIEF ANALYSIS OF HARRY STYLES LYRICS

I've been thinking about how to approach the last part of the Louis' songwriting deconstruction (Part I, Part II, Part III, plus a bonus).

I mulled over different ways to go about it, and ultimately decided that before I delve into an analysis of Louis' lyrics, I need to analyze some of Harry's. Why? Because, as I said multiple times, I hate hypocrisy, so if I'm going to pick apart an artist's work, I need to show what my criteria is with art that I appreciate and like. Otherwise, I could very well cherry pick and be unfair, and that's not what I'm about.

Because we've established that Louis isn't really the one writing the music or melodies, I'm going to leave musicality, chord progressions, instrumentation, etc, out of this analysis and only focus on lyrics. But let me be clear, Harry is very intentional with that part of his music, and taking that part of the composition off this analysis is in detriment of his overall "score".

In fact, in my entire time as a fan of his, I thought Harry's lyrics were his weak point while his strength was melodies and instrumentation, and I while I haven't necessarily changed my mind, after analyzing his lyrics in a deeper way with poetic structure and rhyming schemes in mind, I've come to the conclusion that I underestimated him in that regard. His melodies and instrumentation are still the best ingredient, but his lyrics aren't as far behind as I originally thought they were.

I'm going to analyze Harry's songs by the following metrics:

Poetic intent: 1- Rhyming schemes and patterns 2- Effectivity and comfortability of the rhymes 3- Syllable distribution and cadence

Vocabulary*

Clichés, commonplaces, and overused tropes

Nonsensical elements and overall storytelling

Theme and execution of it

*In regards to vocabulary, initially I wanted to use the CEFR levels, but all the online tests I could find gave me the same result for every song, so it just became a useless metric. I wanted this to be impartial, but my own biased opinion will have to suffice.

In all regards, the benchmark I'm using is your average pop song, not a masterpiece work of art by the best lyricists of our lifetime. Essentially, I'm grading on a curve. Some metrics will have a baseline that's a 7 and gets upped or lowered. Some others will start at a 10 and get lowered if they mess up. I'll explain my thought process for each as I make my case for the first song.

Harry has recorded and released 35 songs total, and Louis has too (in the second part of this series I said he'd recorded and released 34, but that was not including Copy Of A Copy Of A Copy, which wasn't recorded in a studio but is part of his live album). That amounts to a grand total of 70 works. I simply won't be analyzing that many songs, so I'll pick a handful.

For both of them, the choices will be songs that I find interesting or think are their strengths. I promise I won't cherry pick the best of one and worst of the other. You're welcome to suggest other songs that you think represent Louis' strengths better.

When I type down the analysis this type of metric: [10S] will mean the amount of syllables of the line.

ONLY ANGEL

POETIC INTENT

VERSE 1 Open up your eyes, shut your mouth and see [11S] That I'm still the only one who's been in love with me [14S] I'm just happy getting you stuck in between my teeth [13S] And there's nothing I can do about it [10S] Broke a finger knocking on your bedroom door[11S] I got splinters in my knuckles crawling 'cross the floor [13S] Couldn't take you home to mother in a skirt that short[13S] But I think that's what I like about it [10S]

The stanza has 8 lines, which are neatly divided in two groups of four by both rhyming pattern and syllable distribution. The rhyming pattern is A A A B C C C B, syllable distribution is 47+47.

This is mirrored in the second verse:

VERSE 2 I must admit I thought I'd like to make you mine [12S] As I went about my business through the warning signs[13S] End up meetin' in the hallway every single time [12S] And there's nothin' we can do about it [10S] Told it to her brother and she told it to me [11S] That she's gonna be an angel, just you wait and see [13S] When it turns out she's a devil in between the sheets [13S] And there's nothing she can do about it [hey, hey] [10S]

Once again, the stanza has an A A A B C C C B rhyming pattern with a 47 + 47 syllable distribution.

All the other elements of this song (mainly chorus and bridge) are repetitive and playing into the instrumentation and the melody first and foremost. There isn't a rhyming pattern to analyze.

Rhyming schemes and patterns:

The verses have an interesting rhyming pattern. It's clearly not half-haphazarldly through together, but actually well thought out and with intent. It's not your run-of-the-mill rhyming pattern (those are usually A A B B or A B A B). There's something disruptive about the "about its". While I can't rate the chorus or bridge, I'm not going to deduct points for that, because if I were analyzing the music alongside the lyrics, they would be elevated by it, so while I can't add extra points for that, I think subtracting them would be unfair.

For this metric, the baseline will be a 7, and I'll be adding or subtracting points on that baseline.

Score: 9/10

Effectivity and comfortability of the rhymes:

They're good. Not amazing, but good. None of them blows my mind, but none of them are uncomfortable or feel forced either.

With this metric I'm starting at a 7 for "average pop song" and adding or subtracting points from that baseline.

Score: 7/10

Syllable distribution and cadence:

I'm not gonna lie, the symmetry is really appealing to me.

This score is pretty arbitrary. it's a very random metric, that will only apply to very specific songs. I'll start off with a 7 and add points if it stands out. Most songs will just be a 7.

Score: 9/10

Vocabulary:

It's good. It's not Bob-Dylan-esque good. It's not even Alex Turner good. But it's good. The scores here are in comparison to the average pop song, and I think Only Angel's vocabulary is slightly more elevated than the average pop song.

A standout lyric to me is "I must admit I thought I'd like to make you mine, as I went about my business through the warning signs." He's saying, "You may have all the red flags, but I have my rose-colored glasses on, so all I see is flags" in a more sophisticated way.

For this metric, I'm starting at a 7 for "typical pop song vocabulary" and adding or subtracting points based on that.

Score: 8/10

Clichés, commonplaces, and overused tropes:

When it turns out she's the devil in between the sheets.

This is the only cliché I can identify in this song. I can't expect singers to never include clichés, but I will take notice of them, and if overused, deduct points. Also, the clichés have to make sense with the rest of the song. In this case, it fits perfectly.

Would calling her an angel be classified as a cliché? Meh, that would mean literally every love song is a cliché.

The rest of the song is a well-executed romantic-adjacent song that doesn't rely on clichés.

For this metric, I'm starting off at 10 and deducting points for clichés.

Score: 9/10

Nonsensical elements and overall storytelling:

There are no nonsensical elements to this song. It's pretty well contained within its logic. It presents a relationship that isn't serious, but sexual in nature. While the lover's brother and the speaker's mother are mentioned, it's not to allude to a serious relationship, but the opposite. The speaker's mother is mentioned in the context of not taking the lover to meet her. The lover tells her brother that she's "gonna be an angel," but the speaker tells us that's not what ends up happening.

Even the sentence "end up meeting in the hallway every single time," which could sound a bit nonsensical, actually ties the second verse to the first ("broke a finger knocking on your bedroom door"). This sentence also ties back to another song on the same album (Meet Me In The Hallway), which I think is a nice touch.

It's pretty cohesive.

As with the last metric, with this one I'm starting at 10 and deducting points for nonsense or bad storytelling.

Score: 10/10

Theme and execution of it:

As I said earlier, it's a romantic-adjacent song that doesn't rely on typical and overused tropes, which makes it a little different. There isn't an allusion to a serious relationship, but rather, to one that's mainly sexual, which probably helps, as it's typically not that explored within the pop genre.

There's a very vivid image of him at her door, knocking vigorously until he gets hurt, then falling to his knees and crawling, and in that context running into her. The element of "every single time" gives us insight on this being a repeated occurrence.

Starting a romantic adjacent song by declaring that not only has the lover never been in love with the speaker, but also, that nobody else has, is really clever to me. It's self-deprecating and introduces us to an interesting theme, which flips the expectations of what a popstar might sing about, in terms of love, in its head.

I'm starting off this one at 7 for the average pop song. Elements that elevate it will better the score, elements that make it overdone, or nonsensical will lower it.

Score: 9/10

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Only Angel is not a lyrical masterpiece, but it's elevated by its innovative approach at a theme and rhyming structure. It's obviously well thought and its author knows about poetry and applied their knowledge correctly.

Score: 61/70 = A-

CAROLINA

POETIC INTENT

VERSE 1 She's got a family in Carolina So far away, but she says I remind her of home Feelin', oh, so far from home She never saw herself as a West Coaster Moved all the way 'cause her grandma told her"Townes, better swim before you drown"

The rhyming scheme in this verse is a combination of perfect rhymes ("Townes", which is pronounced "Town," and "drown"), repetition ("home"), and assonant rhymes. Assonant rhymes are those that sound similar when spoken but don't look similar in paper. There are assonant rhymes in Only Angel, but they look more similar, so they're more obvious to the untrained eye.

I recommend you listen to the song to check for yourself. Listen to how he says the words "Carolina" and then "I remind her," and then do the same thing with "as a West Coaster" and "grandma told her."

Let's rearrange some things to measure the syllables.

VERSE 1 She's¹ got² a³ fam⁴-i⁵-ly⁶ in⁷ Car⁸-o⁹-lina¹⁰ [10S] So¹ far² a³-way,⁴ but⁵ she⁶ says⁷ I⁸ re⁹-mind¹⁰ her¹¹ [11S] [of] home,¹ feel²-in',³ oh,⁴ so⁵ far⁶ from⁷ home⁸ [8S] She¹ nev²-er³ saw��� her⁵-self⁶ as⁷ a⁸ West⁹ Coas¹⁰-ter¹¹ [11S] Moved¹ all² the³ way⁴ 'cause⁵ her⁶ grand⁷-ma⁸ told⁹ her¹⁰ [12S] "Townes,¹ bet²-ter³ swim⁴ be⁵-fore⁶ you⁷ drown⁸" [8S]

The rhyming scheme is A A BB C C DD. I put [of] between brackets because it's there for grammar reasons he glues it to "home" in practice. Once again, as with Only Angel, you can divide this verse into two neat groups of 28 syllables.

B and D are examples of what's called "internal rhymes."

Verse 2 is even more technically intricate, and this time, it doesn't mirror verse 1.

VERSE 2 She's got a book for every sit-u-a-tion [10S] Gets in-to par-ties with-out in-vi-ta-tion [11S] How could you e-ver turn her down? [8S] There's not a drink that I think could sink her [10S] How would I tell her that she's all I think a-bout? [12S] Well, I guess she just found out [7S]

This rhyming scheme is amazing. A A BB CCC D D. It's a thing of dreams. There's two pairs of perfect rhymes ("situation" + "invitation" and "about" + "out"), a trio of perfect rhymes ("drink", "think", "sink"), and a pair of near rhymes ("how" + "down").

While the rhyming scheme differs between stanzas, the syllable structure is once again mirrored, with two groups of 29 syllables each.

BRIDGE I met her once and wrote a song about her I wanna scream, yeah, I wanna shout it out And I hope she hears me now

A AA AA is the rhyming scheme here. "Shout," "out," and "about" are perfect rhymes, they all share the same vowel: /aʊ/ and the same consonant /t/. "Hope" and "now" are assonant rhymes, with each other and with the rest.

As with Only Angel, the chorus is repetitive and elevated by the music. So I won't be adding or deducting points.

Rhyming schemes and patterns:

😍 I'm in love.

Score: 10/10

Effectivity and comfortability of the rhymes:

This type of rhymes are more common in hip-hop and a lot less common in pop music. Alex Turner is famously inspired by hip-hop, which is what encouraged him to do internal and assonant rhymes and whenever he could. I'm using Teddy Picker (a song Louis called out) as an example because it's very rich in it:

Another variation on a theme A tangle on the television and the magazine D'you reckon that they do it for a joke? D'you reckon that they make 'em take an oath That says that "We are defenders of any poser Or professional pretender around"

On its face, only "defenders" and "pretenders" should rhyme, but actually listen to the song. Listen how he pronounces every word and you'll see. Particularly eye-opening is how he pronounces "professional" with the stress on the last syllable, which changes the vowel to an open sound that rhymes with "we are."

Anyway, back to Harry, I'm not very used to this type of usage of rhyming in pop music, and I absolutely love it.

The fact that none of these are awkward, or cliché, or overdone. But also feel completely natural and like they just flow with the cadence of the song. No notes.

Score: 10/10

Syllable distribution and cadence:

I don't need to keep yapping.

Score: 10/10

Vocabulary:

In my humble opinion, the vocabulary is slightly better than the average pop song.

Score: 8

Clichés, commonplaces, and overused tropes:

The concept of "she's a good girl" and writing a song for someone you just met.

Is "she's got a book for every situation" a commonplace? I don't think so, right? It sounds like it should be, just like "there's not a drink that I think could sink her." The images these words elicit are so vivid, one would think these commonplaces already exist, but I can't find evidence of it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to claim that Harry was the first person ever to put these words together, but they certainly weren't widespread clichés.

Searching "book for every situation" (without quotes) and limiting the search to before the album came out yields no relevant results.}

I'm deducting two points and adding one for creating a sentence that sounds like it should be a cliché but isn't. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

Score: 9/10

Nonsensical elements and overall storytelling:

The logic within the song is solid. There are no nonsensical elements, no parts that were just added to bulk up the lyrics, no leaps of logic. The storytelling is excellent. He meets a girl once, she's exciting, and unique, and different, and after the date is over, he can't stop thinking about her, so he writes her a song without telling her he's doing it. She'll find out when she hears it.

Score: 10/10

Theme and execution of it:

The theme is a new spin on the typical love song (such as Only Angel was) and I think it's perfectly executed. It's not a magical concept, but it's cute.

Score: 8/10

FINAL THOUGHTS:

While I personally like Only Angel better, I'm trying not to be biased, and I think Carolina is a tighter song in terms of lyrics. It's very cohesive, the vocabulary is above average, the rhyming scheme is well thought out and done.

Score: 65/70 = A

GOLDEN

POETIC INTENT

VERSE 1 Gold-en, gold-en, gold-en as I o-pen my eyes [12S] Hold it, fo-cus, ho-ping, take me back to the light [12S] I know you were way too bright for me [9S] I'm hope-less, bro-ken, so you wait for me in the sky [13S] Browns my skin just right [5S] You're so golden [4S]

This stanza has two groups of rhymes that parallel each other throughout. The green rhymes are a mishmash of perfect rhymes with both the vowel /aɪ/ and the consonant /t/, and assonant rhymes where just the vowel rhymes.

The blue rhymes, however, are more complex. The single-syllable words "know" and "browns" are rhyming the vowel /oʊ/ (though, typically, "browns" would use the vowel /aʊ/, the way Harry pronounces, especially with a silent "S" makes it match with the rest).

The double-syllable rhymes, however, are compound rhymes, rhyming the vowels on both syllables. In Golden, the vowel for the first syllable is /oʊ/, and for the second one, /ə/. I'm not claiming every double-syllable rhyme here shares the /ə/ vowel because clearly they don't, but the way it's pronounced makes it rhyme. "Golden", "open", "broken". and "focus" do share them, though. Hopeless uses the /ɛ/ vowel, while "hold it" and "hoping" use the /ɪ/ vowel. Pronunciation, melody, and context makes it so all of these are compound rhymes.

The first two lines mirror each other perfectly, with each "golden" in the first line corresponding with a second line rhyme. "Gold-en" + "Hold it". "Gold-en" + "fo-cus". "Gold-en" + "ho-ping." and then ending both lines with an assonant rhyme ("eyes" and "light"). Both are also 12 syllables. In fact, the fourth line closely mirrors 1 and 2, while it doesn't fully do it (and there's a reason that we'll explore later), it does mirror the amount of syllables. It has 13 syllables, but if you listen to the song the "I'm" is sang alongside "for me".

The rhyming scheme here is AAAB AAAB AB AAB AB A.

VERSE 2 I don't wan-na be a-lone [7S] I don't wan-na be a-lone when it ends [10S] Don't wan-na let you know [6S] I don't wan-na be a-lone [7S] But I can feel it take a hold [8S] I can feel you take con-trol [7S] Of who I am and all I've e-ver known [10S] Lov-in' you's the an-ti-dote [7S] Gold-en [2S]

This stanza is simpler than the last one, though that's not saying much because the last one was kind of insane. All the blue words rhyme with each other through the vowel /oʊ/ making these assonant rhymes, but "alone" and "ends" also rhyme, through the consonant /n/, making this a consonant rhyme ("ends" such as "browns" gets the "silent s" treatment from Harry). It's likely this rhyme is added for effect. A rhyme that separates itself from the rest, to show us how final and serious he is about it "ending."

This one would be a A AB A A A A A A A pattern. Chef's kiss.

As typical for Harry (and for a lot of pop artists!) the bridge and chorus of this song don't really have a rhyming pattern worth analyzing and play a lot with instrumentals and melodies.

Rhyming schemes and patterns:

Having two separate rhymes going at the same time, one of them being mostly compound rhymes, while also being coherent and intentional with your vocabulary isn't exactly easy. The first verse is incredible. The second one is not bad at all, just a little less impressive.

Score: 9.5/10

Effectivity and comfortability of the rhymes:

What would earn negative points here, would be uncomfortable rhymes, where you add a word simply because it rhymes even if it doesn't make sense or sounds awkward. Or rhymes where it technically rhymes, but it sounds awkward to the ear. What earns positive points is internal rhyming, unexpected or clever rhyming, assonant rhyming that you'd never expect to rhyme, etc.

Golden does neither of these things, so I'll give it a neat 7.5. It's good, but it's not mindblowing. It earns a 0.5+ for somehow doing a whole scheme including the word "antidote" and have it make perfect sense.

Score: 7.5/10

Syllable distribution and cadence:

The first verse is a 10/10 the second one gets points for congruity.

Score: 8.5/10

Vocabulary:

It's okay. Nothing revolutionary. Sliiightly better than the average pop song.

Score: 7.5/10

Clichés, commonplaces, and overused tropes:

I can't think of any. Self-deprecation, though not a novelty is not exactly a staple of pop culture. Usually the singer tells us why the lover is either perfect or at fault. Songs where the singer believes they're not good enough are rarer. That alone makes Golden stand out. There are also no commonplaces or idioms that I can identify.

Score: 10/10

Nonsensical elements and overall storytelling:

There aren't any nonsensical elements. No words just added there to fill a void that don't make sense. No leaps of logic, nothing like that.

Its storytelling is actually really good. I can't analyze the music side of it, for the reasons I already mentioned, but it definitely plays a role in storytelling.

Strictly lyrics, though, in the first verse he's describing the feeling of being dazzled by a bright light when you're not used to them. You open your eyes and you have to squeeze them shut because it's so bright. He's looking at it, and it's "golden, golden, golden." As his eyes get used to it, he's asking her to "hold it", he's "focusing" and he's "hoping" that he can get back to that light, which seems to be moving away. But as the verse progresses, he tells us that, in reality, he always knew she (the light) was too bright for him. He's not hoping anymore, he's hopeless, and he's not holding anymore, he's broken. She's no longer near him, she's now in the sky. And as the sun, in the sky, it browns his skin.

Once you break down the verse this way, it's heartbreaking. He went from having her next to him, blinding him, to moving away from him. And he tries to stay with her, but eventually realizes it simply isn't possible. She's now distant, in the sky. She's still present, browning his skin, affecting him, still, but she's further away.

In the second verse, he's grippling with the fact that this distance will only grow bigger. And he's anguished about the inevitable reality of ending up alone, which he now is sure will happen. He tells us through repetition exactly how anguished he is about it. Despite this, despite knowing this relationship will inevitably end, he tells us that she still has a hold of him and how important she is to him.

It's beautiful storytelling, using a metaphor to retell the ending of a relationship. To be able to write something so compelling while also using such beautiful poetry is a gift.

Score: 10/10

Theme and execution of it:

This is a "love song" but as I said before, it's not your typical one. It has a self-deprecating angle that's not too experimented with. As I just detailed, too, it's very well-executed. I think the angle it takes for storytelling is fresh and interesting.

Score: 9/10

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I'm so mad I can't analyze music with this song, because hooo boy does the music play a huge role in this one. All I can say is that it's a great song.

Score: 62/70 = B+ (the music would elevate this to an A+)

LOVE OF MY LIFE

POETIC INTENT

VERSE 1 Things hav-en't been quite the same [7S] There's a haze on the ho-ri-zon, babe [9S] It's on-ly been a cou-ple of days and I miss you, [13S] When noth-ing re-al-ly goes to plan [9S] You stub your toe or break your cam-era [9S] I'll do ev-ery-thing I can to help you through [11S]

The words "same", "haze, "babe", and "days" are all assonant rhymes through the vowel /eɪ/. "Plan" and "can" share the /æ/ vowel. "You", "do" and "through" all have the /uː/ vowel. This leaves you with a A AA AB C BCB rhyming pattern. There's a single line left out with no rhymes. This would be normal for any other pop star, but not really for Harry, especially if every other line is full of rhymes. So why? Because that line is representing "nothing really going to plan."

It even sounds a little out of place when he sings it. That's on purpose. Artists that do this, hiding the meaning of the lyrics in the poetry, are my absolute favorite, and I had never noticed Harry did this until right about now.

VERSE 2 I've nev-er been a fan of change [8S] But I'd fol-low you to an-y place [9S] If it's Hol-ly-wood or Bish-ops-gate, I'm com-ing, too [13S]

The second verse is very short and sweet, and filled to the brim with rhymes. Having two parallel rhymes and one of them including the word BISHOPSGATE. I commend him, really.

He does the bit of representing the lyrics with poetry again, "I'm coming too" has an assonant rhyme with "Hollywood." It's not an exact thing, but the vowels /ʊ/ and /u/ have a very similar rounded sound from the back of the mouth.

I've always thought that he intended this song to be about Olivia Wilde (he started writing it before he met her, but he kept retouching it over the months, case in point "you break your camera"), who lived in Hollywood and moved to London with her kids. There was a whole conflict with her kids' dad about that, specifically, so Harry is telling her "either way, I'll be there." There's a slight mention of this in As It Was ("leave America, two kids follow her"). Curiously, the As It Was music video was filmed in the Barbican, which is right next to Bishopsgate. Harry and Olivia spent a bunch of time in or around Bishopsgate (almost anyone in London would, to be fair).

Anyway, rhyming scheme A AB AB.

CHORUS We've been doin' all this late-night talkin' 'Bout anything you want until thе morning Now you're in my life I can't get you off my mind

Nothing too impressive here, but it's rare for Harry to not just vibe with the music in the chorus. So we have rhymes in a chorus for the first time! (Not really the first time — I'm being facetious — even Sign of the Times' chorus is full of rhymes). Rhyming scheme AA AA B B.

Rhyming schemes and patterns:

The device of using not-rhyming to communicate part of the lyrics is really clever and I really like it. Other than that, the schemes are good, but not mindblowing. The first verse is really cool, though.

Score: 8.5/10

Syllable distribution and cadence:

Okay! Nothing mindblowing. Nothing too intentional. It's okay.

Score: 7/10

Effectivity and comfortability of the rhymes:

Listen, he managed to rhyme BISHOPSGATE seamlessly. Give him props, for the love of god.

Score: 8.5/10

Vocabulary:

Better than your average pop song — not exactly the reincarnation of David Bowie, but better than average. "There's a haze in the horizon" gets an extra point.

Score: 8/10

Clichés, commonplaces, and overused tropes:

I mean, there are very common elements, such as following your lover everywhere and...

"I can't get you off my mind"

But it's the type of commonplace you expect in a pop song. So I'll allow it (I'll still deduct a point, though).

Score: 9/10

Nonsensical elements and overall storytelling:

Storytelling through rhymes, are you kidding? And also, nothing is nonsensical. And he manages to tell a coherent story.

Score: 10/10

Theme and execution of it:

It's cute, not super overdone but also not overly original.

Score: 7/10

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This is one of my least favorite songs by Harry (I still like it a lot), but I chose it because I thought it was interesting how he incorporated the rhyming in the storytelling (he kinda did that with Golden, but very subtly). And I wanted to include at least one chorus with a rhyming scheme. Lyrically, Matilda, Boyfriends, Love Of My Life, and Music For A Sushi Restaurant are much better (off this album). Also, low key Keep Driving. But Late Night Talking is still a very good pop song.

Score: 58/70 = B

Overall, Harry is a compelling songwriter who tends to put thought into his rhyming schemes and intent behind his lyrics. He, perhaps, overuses repetition (less so now than before) and could elevate his vocabulary and themes a little bit, but I would say that his lyrics are actually better than average and he doesn't get enough credit for them because people tend to either just listen to his biggest hits or not look too deep into them.

I think lyrics are his weakest point as a songwriter, but that doesn't mean they're bad at all. At the end of the day, it all boils down to taste.

I think in male mainstream pop, the only male artist that I rate higher than Harry in terms of songwriting is Hozier. Ed Sheeran could be up there too, but he sold out a while ago, and is slowly going back to his roots. I'm obviously not even considering incredible hip-hop artists like Kendrick Lamar or rock-leaning artists like Alex Turner (I would say Alex isn't really that mainstream nowadays).

I think Harry is a B- songwriter when it comes to lyrics and an A- songwriter when it comes to instruments.

[wtficedance]

Ice Dance Reimagined

With the upcoming ISU Congress in Summer of 2024 and ice dance seemingly in an unending beta of rule changes, I figured I would float a few thoughts on the many changes that have been made over the past few years.

As I mentioned in my RD Rules post, the ISU has essentially made moves to return to the original dance (making the change from short -> rhythm dance even more pointless in the first place) choosing to dictate broader themes.

To me, what makes ice dance so unique amongst all the disciplines is the variety of elements and styles that each team is expected to have in their repertoire and the fact that even in a given SD/OD/RD theme, people have to go out of their way to have a unique take. The rules which have lowered difficulty--in the name of giving skaters more room to be creative--have in fact resulted in the opposite. More teams are doing the same difficult features, same footwork, same lifts, same transitions than ever before. Both drawing on old choreography and leading to homogeneity across the discipline.

I propose a scheme which is a compromise of the two conflicting motions in ice dance right now: 1) the “no pattern ever” give everyone freedom vibes and 2) the people who believe the pattern is king. Alternate having a patterned and original short dance, giving the discipline an opportunity to develop new patterns (the original intention of the pattern dance type step sequence) while also ensuring that teams are continuing to emphasize solid ice dance foundations like skating in hold.

Original Short Dance Layout

1PSt

2Pst

Non-touch midline step sequence (style A)

Twizzles

Lift

Patterned Short Dance Layout

Pattern 1

Pattern 2

Non-touch midline step sequence (style A)

Twizzles

Lift

What the ISU (and choreographers/coaches) have fundamentally misunderstood about the appeal of patterns is that EVERY step is intentional and meant to elicit a specific effect and contribute to an overall impression. There's a reason that even though the Yankee Polka and Finnstep and Tango Romantica all include a LFI Closed S-Step, they have completely different timing and contribute to very different impressions. And it is because the general footwork in the pattern, in addition to just the difficult steps and turns, is geared towards reflecting the unique character of that pattern. I cannot count the number of pattern step sequences since 2017 that have effectively been copy pasted across blues, Latin, foxtrot/quickstep, blues x2, and Latin x2 once again programs with only minor changes to mini-lifts. They lack intention, they are the slowest section of the program for a good 90% of RDs because every team--no matter the style--is attempting to make their turns as drawn out as possible to get credit.

I propose that in original dance years there are 2 PSt segments, each with 3 KPs with the former 4th KP serving as a choreographic benchmark. This would allow for direct comparison of teams doing the same steps (and not allow teams to do the exact same difficult turns 5 years in a row) while simultaneously incentivizing creativity.

For example, under “Jig” below there are the following guidelines:

Jig is characterized by (1) high tempo, (2) rapid toe and heel steps, (3) jumps, kicks, hops and other accents including slides and shuffles, (4) tight and rigid torso, emphasis on leg movements over arm movements, (5) music in 12/8, 6/8, 9/8, 2/4. Teams are expected to pick music and a type of jig dance which fits these characteristics. 1PSt must start at center ice, 2PSt must end at center ice.

An example of key points:

1KP1: A) LFI Counter, LBI Bracket B) LBI Counter, LFI Bracket in any variant of closed hold except basic hand-in-hand

1KP2: both skip, LBO C-Step, RFI Swing S-step. in killian or foxtrot variant.

1KP3: A) RBO 1.5Tw, any kicking/tucking motion, RFI Bracket, RBO Bracket. B) LFO 1.5Tw, any kicking/tucking motion matching/mirroring/corresponding to partner A, LBI Bracket, LFO Bracket. Partners must be touching once exited from twizzles.

1PSt being completely prescriptive in KPs and 2PSt being slightly more flexible:

2KP1: both beginning any bracket, immediate counter, 1-5 intermediate steps where at least one partner must hit at least one difficult skating position* for at least a 1/2 beat, skid exit.

2KP2: both beginning swing FO C-Step, 3-8 intermediate steps/turns with partners MIRRORING each other, ending BO Counter. Partners must be touching entire time

2KP3: both beginning double S-step, 1-4 intermediate steps, ending with one partner on a BO edge and picking into the ice and the other partner doing at least one revolution around. PSt, officially concluded when the stationary partner resumes motion. Partners much be touching at two points until the first revolution around in 2KP3 is concluded.

Skaters would receive credit for the KPs accomplished in both and would receive a fourth Y/N based on whether they met choreographic requirements outlined in italics above.

*difficult skating position: any position where the skating leg is bent at least 90 degrees (shoot the duck, hydroblade, any lunge, any crouch), besti squat, spread eagle, ina bauer, spiral, layback, etc.

Now for some theme ideas:

2024-2025 - Patterned Short Dance - Grand Ballroom with a pattern of Golden Waltz

Teams must skate a program which reflects the character of the waltz particularly with regards to (1) lilting knee action, (2) closed position in hold, (3) repeated rotation as a unit when progressing across the ice, (4) movements should appear long, extended, and with sweeping open posture, (5) tone and musical themes may vary as long as a waltz character is maintained.

2025-2026 - Original Short Dance - Jig

Jig originated in Ireland and Scotland, gradually progressing throughout the British Isles and mainland Europe and then throughout the world including in the Metis people of Canada and Louisiana. Straight and sand jigs were developed in the US by African Americans in the 19th century which eventually influence the creation of jazz and tap. Jig is characterized by (1) high tempo, (2) rapid toe and heel steps, (3) jumps, kicks, hops and other accents including slides and shuffles, (4) tight and rigid torso, emphasis on leg movements over arm movements, (5) music in 12/8, 6/8, 9/8, 2/4. Teams are expected to pick music and a type of jig dance which fits these characteristics.

2026-2027 - Pattern Short Dance - Percussive Dances with a pattern of Paso Doble

(1) Stomping, toe picking, clapping, other percussive elements involving hitting the legs or torso, (2) dance is primarily danced to the RHYTHM and TEMPO not the melody, if there is a section without audible rhythm the team should create that beat using percussive elements (3) music must include a beat throughout, a melody is not necessary, (4) a theme should remain consistent throughout, if movements are drawn from a traditional dance they should reflect the character of the music chosen and the pattern should be interpreted appropriately.

2027-2028 - Original Short Dance - Music and Rhythms of the 1970s

The 1970s were one of the most influential eras of music, giving birth to entire new genres and styles and furthering the popularity of funk, soul, R&B, jazz, glam rock, folk rock, pop, disco, reggae, electronic music, and the birth of hip hop, it was defined by experimental sounds due to new music equipment.

(1) Music choices and rhythms should be COHERENT and related, the two music choices should be related thematically, structurally, or stylistically beyond more than just being from the 1970s, (2) one piece of music should be high tempo (>120bpm) and one piece should be low tempo (<100bpm), a third piece can be skated to any tempo, (3) the holds, movements, and steps in the PSt should reflect the style of music and dance chosen

2028-2029 - Pattern Short Dance - Jazz and Tap with a pattern of Quickstep

Jazz dance is a particularly broad genre that includes original social dances like the Charleston developed in parallel to the birth of jazz in Harlem, as well as more modernized styling.

Skaters should take inspiration from dancers like Bill Robinson, Jack Cole, Fred Astaire, Gus Giordano, nd Bob Fosse, as well as Broadway stage choreography and tap dance.

(1) Music choices and rhythms should be COHERENT and related, the two music choices should be related thematically, structurally, or stylistically, (2) one piece of music should be high tempo (>120bpm) and one piece should be low tempo (<100bpm), a third piece can be skated to any tempo, (3) the Quickstep timing can be adjusted to fit the tempo of the music chosen and to reflect the character of the chosen choreography.

See: https://gotta-dance.com/brief-history-of-jazz-dance/

2029-2030 - Original Short Dance - Nuevo Latin

The ISU has done a whole lot of cha cha, rhumba, and samba, but those are FAR from the only Latin rhythms. Dancers will be challenged to develop a new pattern that isn’t already an ISU pattern (and one that hasn’t been done a million times).

Examples of other rhythms: bachata, cumbia, danzon, salsa, mambo, merengue, bomba, lena, perreo, etc.

(1) The entirety of the PSt should be done in the same style and tempo but can differ from the the rest of the program. (2) Dancers are only required to pick one rhythm style but 2-3 are permitted. (3) skaters must have two points of contact with each other the entirety of the PSt, (4) at least 6 changes of hold must take place during the PSt, this can be from the same to same hold as long as a step or turn takes place during the change, (5) 1PSt must begin at the end of the long axis, 2PSt must end at the same end.

Choreo deductions: obvious use of cha cha, rhumba, or samba music/choreo. Tango, paso doble, and flamenco also excluded.

2030-2031 - Pattern Short Dance - Folk Dances with a pattern of Polka

Folk and country dance is characterized by it's informal and reflection of the general populace intended for widespread social dance. As opposed to court and ballroom dances, it should not be characterized as refined, ritual, or for stage performance. Skaters are encouraged to choose a folk dance related to their background. (1) Polka is skated to a bpm of 120bpm +/-4 and can be skated to and interpreted in any kind of musical style, (2) the same folk dance theme should remain constant throughout the dance or if two dances are chosen they should be closely related (i.e. the non-touch midline step sequence done in the line dancing style and the polka in the square dance style) (3) skaters may have a non-touch portion of their 2PSt provided they remain within one arm-length of each other.

Examples of folk dances include: maypole, hora, tarantella, polka, square dance, clogging, Dutch crossing, oberek, mazurka, Morris , polska, ballu tundu, bhangra, circassian, dabke, garba, khigga, romvong, peacock dance, nongak, yangge, chacarera, zamba, malambo, marinera, akayida, kizomba, agbadza, baile folklorico, shota, rugovo, cumbia, landler, schuhplatter, sardana, dragon dance, lion dance, mapale, danza de la tijeras, jenkka etc.

2031-2032 - Original Short Dance - Swing and Social Dances

Despite the many years of jive, charleston, and jitterbug original dances, there is no swing (or related dance) pattern. Dancers are to pick a swing-adjacent dance style and create a pattern. Examples: charleston, lindy hop, jive, jitterbug, shag, boogie woogie.

(1) Dance style should generally be from the 1920s-1950s era, (2) skaters should include intricate changes of positions for each partner reflecting the highly athletic nature of swing dancing, (3) 1PSt should begin in front of the judges with a 1-2 second mini-lift and end in the same location, 1PSt and 2PSt should consist of similar patterns across the ice and each take one lap, (4) skaters should utilize hops, skips, assisted jumps, and up to 3 mini-lifts per PSt to reflect the character of their chosen dance.

Swing does NOT necessarily need to be up tempo if choosing a style such as West Coast Swing which is danced with a distinct lack of bounce.

And then with time in "pattern" years, new patterns will arise and be eligible for interpretation. Would love to hear people’s thoughts :)

[kicksaddictny]

adidas Originals x BAPE® Unveil the SUPERSTAR Pack

When adidas and BAPE® first joined forces in 2003 to release the ‘Super Ape Star’ sneaker, they set a new benchmark in streetwear. Now, more than 20 years later, the two iconic brands continue their legacy of innovation, shaping the culture with a fresh take on the classic Superstar. This latest collection celebrates their pioneering spirit, blending adidas’ sportswear heritage with BAPE®’s signature street style. Designed for all ages, the collection is available in both adult and children’s sizing.

At the forefront is the SSTR V BAPE®, a modern interpretation of the Superstar. The sneaker features a vintage-inspired upper infused with BAPE®’s unmistakable design elements, including ABC SOLID CAMO embossing, alternating BAPE STA™ and Three Stripes branding, a gold foil Ape Head, and metallic gold shoe jewelry. The adult edition is offered in two colorways—white with black accents and blue with white accents, while the children’s and infants’ versions come in a classic white and black scheme.

Beyond footwear, the collection delivers bold apparel pieces, including two versions of the Firebird Tracksuit in black/red and blue/white, both featuring ABC SOLID CAMO patterns and co-branded detailing. A special edition Trefoil shark hoodie and a co-branded white tee add to the lineup.

To complete the drop, the collaboration includes accessories, such as a co-branded cap, an embossed ABC SOLID CAMO side bag, and a pair of socks.

The BAPE® SSTR Pack launches April 5th and will be available via CONFIRMED, select retailers, and BAPE.COM.

[theculturedmarxist]

Warning signs of the instability of the global financial system abounded in the months leading up to the 2008 Lehman Brothers crash. Among these early signs were the astounding revelations about UBS, the world’s largest private bank, by Stephanie Gibaud, who was employee at the bank’s French division. Gibaud refused instructions given to her and other employees to delete all their company files. In doing so, she helped reveal a vast web of corruption and fraud linking UBS to a shadowy tax evasion scheme. More than 15 years later, Gibaud has endured harassment, professional ostracization, lawsuits, and threats. She joins The Chris Hedges Report to speak on her ordeal and the extent of corruption in the international banking system.

Chris Hedges:  Stephanie Gibaud in June, 2008, was ordered by one of her managers at the UBS Bank in Paris, to destroy all her computer files that related to customers with offshore accounts in Switzerland. The order came in the wake of the 2007 American banker, Bradley Birkenfeld’s disclosure of client information to the US Department of Justice, which suggested that UBS was facilitating massive tax evasion schemes for its American clients, which ultimately led to a penalty of $780 million. Swiss banks have long been havens for those seeking to avoid taxes. In 2014, for example, Credit Suisse, which would also plead guilty to sheltering money for its clients so they could avoid paying taxes, had to pay $2.6 billion in penalties.

Gibaud, however, was the only bank employee at UBS who refused to delete her files. She protested to UBS management and French regulators. Her documents would eventually help to identify 38,000 offshore bank accounts amounting to $12 billion. UBS responded by trying to fire her as part of a mass redundancy of 100 employees during the 2008 financial crisis. The French Ministry of Work intervened, but her life at UBS became excruciating. She suffered harassment and discrimination along with social and professional isolation. She endured constant anxiety and depression. UBS fired her finally in 2012. She was sued for defamation by the bank after writing her book, The Woman Who Knew Too Much, part of a series of lawsuits that plague her to this day.

She requested compensation totaling 3.5 million euros and the judge gave her 4,500 euros, which barely covered her legal fees. UBS was eventually forced to pay a record fine in 2019 of $4.9 billion, but Gibaud found herself financially ruined and blacklisted from the financial sector where she had spent her career. The French legal system does not compensate whistleblowers, unlike the US. The Commodities Future Trading Commission, for example, recently awarded an anonymous whistleblower around $200 million for providing information about Deutsche Bank’s manipulation of the LIBOR benchmark. Birkenfeld, who exposed UBS’s offshore accounts for American clients, was handed a check from the US Treasury for $104 million, minus taxes. Gibaud is currently battling in the French courts to become the first legally recognized whistleblower, which could pave the way for greater protection and compensation.

[divinheal]

Heart Bypass Surgery in India: Comprehensive Guide to Cost, Care & Outcomes

According to DivinHeal’s detailed guide on Heart Bypass Surgery Cost in India, coronary artery bypass grafting (CABG) reroutes blood flow around blocked arteries using grafts from the patient’s own vessels. India combines this gold-standard treatment with world-class expertise, cutting-edge technology, and personalized care at highly competitive prices.

1. Why India for CABG?

Globally Accredited Centers

Over 50 hospitals in India hold Joint Commission International (JCI) or NABH certifications—ensuring strict adherence to international quality and safety benchmarks.

Expert Cardiac Teams

Senior cardiac surgeons in top-tier hospitals average 15–25 years of experience and often have fellowships from leading US, UK, or European centers. Multidisciplinary teams include interventional cardiologists, anesthesiologists, perfusionists, and specialized nursing staff.

Advanced Technology

Operating theaters equipped with high-definition video imaging, on-pump and off-pump bypass capabilities, intra-operative transesophageal echocardiography (TEE), and rapid-recovery ICU protocols deliver superior outcomes.

Patient-Centric Packages

Medical-tourism facilitators coordinate visas, airport transfers, interpreter services, accommodation, and rehabilitation—allowing patients and families to focus solely on recovery.

2. Detailed Cost Breakdown

Component

Cost Range (₹)

Approx. (USD)

Surgery (CABG)

240,000 – 640,000

3,000 – 8,000

Tier-1 Metro Premium

(Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore, Chennai)

350,000 – 700,000

4,500 – 9,000

Tier-2 Regional

(Pune, Jaipur, Coimbatore, Chandigarh)

240,000 – 400,000

3,000 – 5,000

Pre-Operative Diagnostics

25,000 – 65,000

330 – 850

• Coronary Angiography

16,000 – 40,000

210 – 520

• ECG + Echocardiogram + Labs

8,000 – 25,000

105 – 330

ICU & Hospital Stay (7–10 days)

65,000 – 160,000

850 – 2,100

Surgeon & Anesthesia Fees

160,000 – 330,000

2,050 – 4,200

Medications & Follow-Ups (6 months)

40,000 – 120,000

520 – 1,580

Cardiac Rehabilitation

80,000 – 200,000

1,050 – 2,630

Total Estimated Package

400,000 – 1,300,000

5,200 – 17,100

Note: Final cost varies by hospital, city, complexity (single vs. multivessel), and length of stay.

3. Factors Influencing Your Investment

Complexity of Blockages

Single-vessel bypass involves one graft—quickest recovery, lowest cost.

Double/triple/quadruple bypass uses multiple grafts, extends OR time, adds ~20–30% to base cost.

Type of Graft Internal mammary artery grafts boast superior long-term patency but cost slightly more than saphenous vein grafts.

On-Pump vs. Off-Pump Technique Off-pump (beating-heart) CABG can reduce postoperative complications yet may attract a 10–15% premium for specialized equipment and training.

Hospital Tier & Location Metro centers offer specialized ICUs and VIP suites—ideal for international patients preferring deluxe amenities. Regional centers provide excellent clinical outcomes at 30–40% lower cost.

Length of Stay & Rehabilitation Enhanced Recovery After Surgery (ERAS) protocols can shorten hospital stay by 1–2 days, lowering costs. Comprehensive outpatient rehab programs improve long-term quality of life and reduce readmissions.

4. Insurance, Financing & Government Schemes

Private Health Insurance Major insurers (HDFC ERGO, Star Health, Max Bupa) cover CABG under “major surgery,” often subject to sub-limits; pre-authorization and waiting periods apply.

Government Coverage

Ayushman Bharat offers up to ₹500,000 per family annually for secondary and tertiary procedures, fully covering CABG for eligible patients.

State-sponsored schemes (e.g., Tamil Nadu’s Chief Minister’s Comprehensive Health Insurance) subsidize large segments of the underprivileged population.

EMI & Third-Party Financing Banks and NBFCs partner with hospitals to extend 0–12% EMI options over 6–60 months, reducing the burden of upfront payment.

5. Comparing Global Prices

Country

Approx. CABG Cost

India

₹240,000 – ₹640,000 (USD 3k–8k)

USA

USD 80,000 – 170,000

UK

USD 40,000 – 60,000

Germany

USD 50,000 – 100,000

Singapore

USD 35,000 – 55,000

Thailand

USD 15,000 – 30,000

Even with travel and accommodation, total outlay in India often remains 50–70% lower than in Western nations.

6. Patient Journey & Timeline

Initial Consultation (Day 1–3) Virtual cardiology review, diagnostic report submission, treatment plan finalized.

Travel & Admission (Day 4–7) Medical visa processing, hotel/guesthouse arranged near the hospital, pre-admission labs.

Surgery & ICU Stay (Day 8–14) CABG procedure (3–6 hours), ICU monitoring (24–48 hours), transfer to ward.

Ward Stay & Discharge (Day 15–18) Wound care, physiotherapy initiation, discharge counseling.

Rehabilitation & Follow-Up (Month 1–6) Outpatient cardiac rehab, medication titration, lifestyle modification coaching.

7. Outcomes & Success Rates

Survival & Patency 5-year survival post-CABG exceeds 85% in JCI/NABH centers; arterial graft patency > 90% at 10 years.

Quality of Life Over 75% of patients report significant angina relief and improved exercise tolerance within 3 months.

Complication Rates Low incidence (<3%) of major complications (stroke, wound infection) due to rigorous protocols and specialized nursing.

Ready to plan your surgery? Visit DivinHeal’s full guide on Heart Bypass Surgery Cost in India for end-to-end medical tourism support.

[solus-official]

hey why is there no website or journal or something that lists the comparison between web browsers and their childs like i know there's a lot of them, and that it's a fruitless sisyphean task with the constant updates and processes that the new age is dependent on however there's a certain level of just, pain? that comes with the idea of finding a new web browser or simply an old web browser and how they work functionally especially with how much isn't advertised. Like, I gotta get this off my chest. People complain about the constant adverts on everything, having to deal with pop-ups and banners, and so much. But people really don't talk about how modern advertising is actually an inverse of what it used to be. Old adverts always tried to show off what products can do and exemplify the company's progress. Modern adverts do the opposite, where they'll show off some very specific benchmark, but then completely avoid talking about any other details about the product. Look at google chrome! Side tangent over. The reason i post this post is because, I'm tired of looking through various browsers for alternatives. Believe it or not I was around for NetScape, and I'll be honest. I liked it. I don't think it's nearly as good as browsers today, please, i'm not trying to fool myself. However I never want to use a Chromium browser again. Only used it for school and for work a long time ago and it was terrible to start with even in it's infancy. I'm getting kinda tired of Firefox. It's nice, but not only is Mozilla doing some... Questionable... business changes, but without making aggressive modifications it's just not functioning how I want to and with my currently aging computer it actually running just as bad as Chrome funnily enough. And child browsers are just. I love them but they NEED to differentiate themselves more. Opera/OperaGX are cool as hell browsers (for the people into that style) and to me make sense as child browsers to Chromium because of how much they add and change. Browsers like Brave may not change as much, but include enough of their own personal tools and utilities that it's more like getting a custom suite of tools than it is a brand new browser. But (and I mean this as respectfully as I can, my friend!) @floorp-official doesn't really do much and I don't know why! The funkly poob naming scheme aside it really doesn't seem to have much different than firefox to a point of wondering what points it has that make me want to use it more than firefox. Here's the thing: I currently use both Firefox and Floorp right now. Firefox is running so bad that youtube only does 24fps no matter the resolution. (Yes, I've tried that thing you're going to suggest to fix it. it didn't work.) Floorp runs smooth enough to play youtube videos at good speeds and doesn't crash, however it takes twice as long to load pages as firefox does. This is the best I've been able to get any browsers working on my computer, and the worst part is that it never used to be like this. I'm almost certain it's my 10 year old cpu, mismatched ram and junkyard motherboard, I know it is, but I experienced slowly of Firefox just getting slower, and slower, and crashing once in a blue mood to once a month. I'm about to build a new computer and I know every single problem I have with internet browsers (besides customization) will be fixed with that, but I just wish that there was more difference between web browsers. I miss when it was an actual choice between Internet Explorer, Firefox and Chrome. I miss NetScape being a buddy pile of crap. I miss things being, Explained. Not Discovered.

[alianoralacanta]

A study by More Than Equal (which for some reason requires a company name to download, despite its importance to people who aren’t in a company) has found that commercial prejudice is the biggest cause of women not getting through the lower tiers of motorsport. It has also found that lack of awareness (with nearly half of motorsport fans surveyed not being sure if women were even allowed to compete in F1, let alone businesses) due to a lack of visible and consistently demonstrable trajectory into professional racing series were a big factor. Thus, some companies that weren’t being prejudicial were nonetheless not backing women because they could not see any chance of a return of investment. It’s worse in motorbikes: 81% of fans aren’t sure if women are allowed to race in World SBK, despite it having the best record for women of all the professional series questioned (in that Ana Carrassco has already won a championship in that series). For MotoGP only 22% of fans thought women were allowed to compete.

Every series has a lot of work to do

Also note: given that 80% of fans think there will be a woman in F1 in the next 10 years, about 30% of fans think that the FIA is going to change the regulations to allow a woman into the series to make that happen. This represents a pretty spectacular fail on the part of the FIA, given that women have raced in F1 in the 1950s and 1970s, and attempted to qualify all the way into the early 1990s. Note the latter date is just before the really big sponsor money started to become compulsory for teams to compete in F1 - 1992 had some teams racing solidly in the midfield on a $15 m budget, but by 1998 that wouldn’t be enough money to keep a F1 team running for a whole year. Other reasons women struggle to become professional racing drivers: - women get less track time (thus less practise) then men - lack of role models (hampered by women being particularly sceptical about existing and previous social schemes like #WeRaceAsOne. Also note: over 80% of male fans and over 90% of female fans believe the racing is automatically worse in enforced single-gender series, which prevents people in F1 Academy and the former W Series from being seen as role models in that context) - lack of gender-specific training available (i.e. the specialised training expected of racing drivers is all based on male models) - rampant stereotypes against women (about 20-25% of men, and 5-20% of women, believed each of the stereotypes surveyed. Note that even one stereotype by the wrong person can be enough, and no data existed on what percentage believed at least one stereotype, as data only displays on a per-stereotype basis) - a culture that is unwelcoming to people not exactly like those already “accepted” - a culture that is sometimes discriminatory against women in terms of microaggressions - lack of research into whether mechanical biases exist in the cars in terms of suitability for anyone outside an unnecessarily narrow range of physiques - a perception that motorsport is extremely discriminatory by sporting standards (perhaps to a greater extent than is warranted even by the above statements) - unsurprisingly given the above, a smaller pool of talent to pick from at every stage

The consequence is that the gender imbalance becomes about 40% worse between FIA karting and lower-tier non-karting series, and another 40% worse between lower-tier and professional-tier series. This despite Hintsa, arguably the best organisation in the world at preparing motorsport competitiors physically, noting that women are as capable of hitting the physical and psychological benchmarks required as men. Be warned: there will be backlash if more women enter motorsports. Yes, over 40% more women will deepen their attachment to motorsport - but between 8 and 18% of men will reduce it (probably in a very noisy and nasty way, given the other findings). The report is not close to perfect - the way it’s presented shows its own biases and weak points in terms of communication equality - but it sheds a light on how far motorsport hasn’t come since 1997. 26 years ago, the first major research about women in motorsport identified four main obstacles to women competing: - Sponsors refusing to back women - Stereotyping - Peer pressure, primarily due to lack of understanding - Over-scrutiny of results Compare the two lists and see the similarities.

[singlesomethinginstyle]

Good Girl, Bad Boy

Part 1.

That’s what we’re raised to be. We’re all decent people, aren’t we?

Girls, especially. 

This is the expectation cast on women right from childhood - when playtime is slowly replaced by chores, classroom rowdy behaviour is punished harshly, higher expectations of both behaviour and performance dangled on our heads. 

Girls, right from childhood are held to higher standards. 

Boys play. Girls have to play nice. 

Our earliest toys are not rowdy action figures, they’re tea sets, household kits and kitchen sets. Instead of play-acting hero stories, we’re taught games where we play-act a household, hold play-weddings and pretend to have kids, perform rituals and marry off said kids. 

Girls are rewarded for learning chores and getting organized at an early age - it’s an expectation. 

For a guy - they’re just rowdy boys - what can you expect? If they exhibit the same behaviour, it’s the sign of genius. 

When it comes to schooling, the same expectations carry over, except with an undercurrent - girls are consistently held to a higher standard of behaviour, excellence, performance. It is also subtly dangled over their heads to be grateful for every ounce and opportunity of educational advancement allowed us, thanks to the schooling system, because your mothers and grandmothers surely didn’t have these, did they?

Most desi women have been given the opportunity to study because the law and the systems of our countries says they should, not because individual pairs of parents assessed their children and believed a certain type of education and opportunity means better growth for this child. 

And the underlying denominator that leads them to this kind of thinking is the idea of a woman as Paraya Dhan - Literally - someone else’s wealth. The current patriarchal models followed by desi societies (most of them, pardon me, as I am not aware of how some matriarchal communities function) is that once a woman reaches a certain marriageable benchmark, she is eventually shifted to another family which becomes her sole focus. 

Her new family earns the benefit of her education, her salary, her expertise or her past achievements. Her skills are put to use for the benefit of the family she marries into. This is even a prominent point of negotiation when arranged marriages are formulated - Can the daughter help her parents financially or should it all go to her husband and in-laws? Can we avoid a dowry if she promises to dedicate her salary to her in-laws?

The marriageable benchmark for desi women in modern times is being defined as = 

[ age of majority + childbearing ability+ household skills + education & degrees + Money & earnings she brings into the new family ] 

And meeting this benchmark means attracting in-laws who are also of a similar or higher standing which benefits the families coming together. So much so that, some girl-parents overstretch their means to make sure their daughters hit benchmarks beyond their means - expensive schooling, international education with crippling lifelong debt and similar choices, with this equation in mind. Mind you, given so many government schemes, parents begin saving for their daughters’ marriages right from when they’re toddlers, such as the famous Sukanya Samriddhi scheme. Is it a stretch to imagine that the average girl-parents have already charted her future when she begins to walk?

And to achieve these benchmarks, the average girl child is subject to stricter standards of behaviour, social compliance, educational standards by teachers and achievement benchmarks. 

They’re rewarded, reinforced and supported all the way into college and university, until the shackles and expectations of love and marriage start to descend upon adulthood, 

So much that even guys begin to notice at an early age - but their registering of the problem is different. 

Guys at an early age realise they can get away with a lot of things because, well, boys will be boys. 

Scraped knees, broken neighbour’s window? Psshhh.. No biggie

Fireworks in the classroom? Lines and running in the grounds thanks to the PE teacher. 

Playing cricket in the halls? Kneel down or stand outside the class. 

Bunking classes, smoking and drinking? Suspension for 3 days (aka the holiday they wanted). 

Are any of these really punishments? Where is the reward for good behaviour and the genuine consequences for the bad?

From an early age, boys are exposed to the boundaries girls are, but instead of expecting compliance, they’re expected to test them. A lot of their behaviour is excused as boyish yuva ka josh. 

However, there is something to be said that they notice the attention and discipline with which the average girl is groomed for long-term success from day one. And I kid you not, it is discipline and success. Girls are raised, equipped with crucial survival skills right from childhood but the same is not the case with guys. 

They notice the outcomes - girls are believed over boys when something happens. The word of a girl is prioritized when something goes wrong. Acting out is not even an expectation laid on a girl. Guys notice that girls are EXPECTED to succeed, while for them, SUCCESS is a bonus or a happy accident but not a pre-requisite. 

Most guys do not have the same careful behavioural grooming, exposure to tailored influences with the long term goal of seeing them win in the olympics, join the army, become a diplomat, run a business or become the CEO of a tech company. They’re allowed to grow wild until adulthood hits them hard, and then they have to scramble. 

A lot of this is the result of wilful pampering at home - where traditional roles dictate that the Son of the family takes responsibility for the family. In a sense of collectively misguided thought, parents tend to pour more love (read: pampering) into the Son - by excusing his behaviour, allowing his childish explorations, giving into their rebellion or wilfulness, funding their lavish lifestyles, in the hope that their Raja Beta would turn around and do the exact same for their aged mother and father - host them and pamper them in their old age the same way they pampered their dear son. 

This trend continues till adulthood - they’re still living with their mothers, their jobs, porn and dating being the only adult outlets in their lives, while they wait for said families to find eligible girls for them to marry. They haven’t done a thing to develop themselves as individuals with something to offer other than a dick and a paycheck or a personality that consists of cheering at cricket matches. 

Which brings me to Adulthood.

Nearly every woman I’ve met who has some degree of self awareness has envisioned a plan for her future. She has survival skills that involve everything from chores in the house to tasks for the household. They know what age they want to or are going to marry and how much it will cost the family, they know what investment plans they want to make so they become financially free. 

They know what hobbies and side gigs they want to nurture, they know what their career graph will look like, and what they want to do. They even have calculated the cost of going abroad and living in various countries to make any of these happen. 

Most guys on the other hand, have no clue. They’re still living at home, obsessed over the latest gadget or new internet guru, have no implementable life skills, can’t make a cup of tea or run a load of laundry to save their lives, have no clue how to develop their personality, or have an investment plan for themselves, family, elders or even themselves. They have no idea what to do when marriage is on the horizon, or when building a life requires foresight and action. 

So at the same age of 25, a woman has already planned 50-90% of her life out in various aspects and is already making arrangements to realise them while a man has discovered the joys of a disposable income and has no thoughts beyond the cricket match he can finally splurge on without his parents’ nagging. 

At age 30, a woman has her retirement planned, she’s building skills both at home and professionally, accomplishing the way she’s been taught to excel since childhood, while a man has discovered that his parents are not going to live forever, responsibility is not just a word in the dictionary, it has meaning, and the opposite sex does not find his lack of a personality or inability to build a future, attractive. 

Is it surprising anymore that girls, are told to lower their standards by the likes of Sima Taparia and many other meaningful aunties with miserable marriages, and just pick a guy to marry?

The keyword here is lowering standards. How can any clear thinking self-respecting woman entrust her future to someone who does not have his shit together at the BARE MINIMUM? And yet, due to the realities of desi society and the nagging biological clock, we are expected to lower the BARE MINIMUM standards.

We’ve been taught since childhood to hold high standards, while men have been taught the opposite. 

They’ve been waited on, and cultivated as princelings by families, with the expectation that a suitable girl will simply fall into their laps when the time comes. 

Is it really that necessary to lower your standards? 

Ladies, let me ask you. 

Do you deserve this clueless, aimless, personality-less skill-less complete bubble that most guys come from? When a job has stringent requirements from you for 8 hours a day, your landlord has requirements he needs you to meet even for a few months, why not for the rest of your life?

When you have been raised to meet certain standards all your life, it is not a stretch to expect your partner to have similar if not complimentary skills to yours. 

Marriage is not a zero-sum game. If you bring something to the table, your partner at the very least needs to bring something similar to offer.  1+0 = 1 1+1 has to become either 2 or 11.

So HAVE ALL THE EXPECTATIONS you can. Because you will only get what you ask and settle for. And it’s only when you have the right set of expectations that you can find someone who vibes at your level, if not exceed it.

Because marriage is a traditional institution despite all attempts to modernise it, equip it with laws, ideals and so much more. 

Expecting a guy who steps up IS NOT A BIG STRETCH. 

—--

But I know most of you desi women will give in and accept whatever comes your way and term it on par with what you deserve. So let’s do a little exercise to help you figure out what you are worth. 

WHAT YOU ARE WORTH

Do this on paper, or if possible, Word, or Google Docs, or Powerpoint. Open up a document. This is going to be LONG. 

Step 1: Find a nice picture of yourself that YOU LOVE and think you look amazing in. Say something nice about yourself.

Step 2 : list down your qualifications and professional skillsets, and everything you are doing work-wise. Starting a side gig? It goes in. Learning pottery? Goes in. Somebody complemented your writing skills at work? Goes in. Saved group projects in college from dying a miserable death? Goes in. Played a sport, led people or won medals? Goes in. For each Skill Item you have listed - make a column and name the demonstrated skill - such as project management, pottery and ceramics, athletics/sprinting, engineering, public speaking, poetry, and so on. 

Step 3: Make a list of every occasion people have thanked you for helping them in some way. Any way. Be it - overcoming bullies at school, dealing with a creep, solving problems at home, tutoring, editing a newsletter, etc etc,  Whatever you have done to help someone - list the occasion. And then, name the value or the quality it represents - like - courage, or honesty, or street smart thinking, and so on. Those are values that you hold and have demonstrated as an individual. These are your DEMONSTRATED PERSONAL VALUES

Step 4: Make a long list of LIFE skills you have. Cooking? Laundry and housekeeping? Driving? Dealing with legal and government systems? Time Management? Childcare? Conflict resolution? Research? Balancing family accounts? First aid? Ayurveda? Yoga? Every single thing. And yes, planning a puja at home or that diwali party in the family does count. That's Event Management.

Step 5 : Open up job portals in your country, and for every item you have listed in your professional skillset - find job listings and salaries attached to it for 1 year. Add that number next to each item. 

Step 6 : Do the same with your LIFE skills - for every skillset, there is a professional doing a job - so list their annual salaries next to it. 

Step 7 : Add up the sum total of the salaries from both your professional skills and life skills - That is your QUANTITATIVE PERSONAL WORTH for 1 year. Step 8 - See all the qualities you’ve listed, like leadership, time management, accounting and so on? Make a long list of these, and do a search for these skill sets on JOB portals. Find the top-paying jobs that pay for a combination of these values and skillsets. It will be in millions or lakhs. Add that to your Quantitative Personal worth. 

Step 8 : To your list of DEMONSTRATED PERSONAL VALUES, add a list of dos and don’ts. These are - Behaviours you will ACCEPT AND WELCOME (dos) and Behaviours you will absolutely deny, abhor, condemn and get angry at (Don’ts) For example - Being casual and unserious can be a DO for me, but Betrayal is a DON’T - which means, I greatly value loyalty as an individual. Make these lists and define them. 

Now, your demonstrated personal values and the DOs and DON’Ts you list out signal the type of people you are okay with welcoming into your life and the type you cannot accept. THESE are your moral standard. THESE are your benchmark for friends, family, and life partner. THESE are your personal boundaries. Write them in your diary and stand by them uncompromisingly. 

Step 9 - Back to your Quantitative Personal Worth. Multiply it with the average Desi woman’s life expectancy. It has been calculated to be between 67 - 70 years. That’s your worth as an individual at the BARE MINIMUM. That is your poverty line, and no person you welcome into your life can go below this line, or treat you beneath it.

Now, looking at this list, ask yourself, my dear lady.

Do you really think you ought to settle?

[aeolianblues]

You will hit an age where, no matter now well-adjusted you grew up, you did not imagine being that age. Not necessarily in a way of thinking you'll be dead before then even, just that you'd never pictured yourself living the life of a person that age. Even if as gaps in your imagination. I've pictured being 30 in moments of fleeting fancy. I've pictured being 76, for some reason. I've never pictured myself 25. I have no idea how to be 25, except that it seems Big. I am a mess, I don't feel worthy of that number. It's not real to my life. I have never pictured being 25. Or 26. These are not numbers I have mental benchmarks for, what on earth are you supposed to do at 25? It sounds big, but I know in the grand scheme of things, it's not. In the sense that if someone died at 25, I'd say, 'what a tragedy, they're so young!' But put that in the context of living... and I don't know. How does one live as 25?

[standphillindia]

BIS Certification for Smartwatches in India: A Complete Guide

In today’s fast-paced world, smartwatches have become an essential gadget for many. However, before you can sell or distribute smartwatches in India, it is mandatory to obtain a BIS (Bureau of Indian Standards) certification. This ensures that your products meet quality, safety, and performance standards as required by Indian regulations.

Here, we’ll break down everything you need to know about BIS certification for smartwatches and why Standphill India is the best consultancy to help you through the process.

What is BIS Certification?

The Bureau of Indian Standards (BIS) certification is a mark of safety, quality, and reliability for products sold in India. For smartwatches, BIS certification is mandatory under the Compulsory Registration Scheme (CRS). This ensures that your smartwatch complies with Indian safety norms and electromagnetic compatibility (EMC) standards, making it safe for consumers.

Why is BIS Certification Mandatory for Smartwatches?

Consumer Safety: Ensures the product is safe for use.

Legal Compliance: Selling uncertified products can lead to fines or bans.

Market Credibility: A BIS-certified product gains the trust of customers and retailers.

Global Standards: BIS certification aligns Indian products with international quality benchmarks.

Process for BIS Certification of Smartwatches

The BIS certification process for smartwatches involves several steps:

Application Submission: Submit your application with required documents, such as technical details and product samples.

Testing: The product is tested in BIS-approved laboratories for compliance with Indian standards.

Approval: Once the product passes testing, BIS issues the certification.

This process can seem complicated, but with the right guidance, it becomes much easier.

Why Choose Standphill India for BIS Certification?

When it comes to BIS certification, having a reliable consultancy by your side can save time, effort, and money. Standphill India is your one-stop solution for hassle-free BIS certification at the most affordable rates in the industry.

Key Reasons to Choose Standphill India:

Cost-Effective Solutions: Known as the cheapest BIS certification provider.

Expert Guidance: A team of experts to handle the entire process from start to finish.

Quick Turnaround: Fast and efficient services to get your product certified without delays.

Customer Support: Dedicated support to address all your queries.

Apply Today!

Don’t let certification hurdles slow down your business. Apply for BIS certification with Standphill India today and ensure your smartwatch meets the required standards!

Visit Our Website: www.standphillindia.in

Contact Us: 📞 96676 74225

Mail Us: ✉️ info@standphillindia.in

Take the first step towards compliance and market success with Standphill India!

[nomacam]

The Genius and Grit of Suga: A Tribute to BTS's Min Yoongi

In the colorful universe of K-pop, where talent sparkles like stars in the night sky, one name shines particularly bright – Suga. Known for his mesmerizing rap verses, impeccable production skills, and heartfelt lyrics, Suga, whose real name is Min Yoongi, isn't just an artist; he's a musical maestro whose impact transcends borders.

From his humble beginnings in Daegu, South Korea, to conquering stages worldwide as a member of the globally renowned boy band BTS, Suga's journey is nothing short of inspiring. His passion for music ignited at a young age, fueled by his love for hip-hop and a desire to express himself creatively. Little did he know that his dreams would one day take him to the pinnacles of success.

Suga's artistry is a blend of raw emotion and technical brilliance. His rap delivery is like poetry in motion, effortlessly weaving through complex rhyme schemes while delivering poignant messages that resonate with millions. Whether it's his introspective solo tracks or his electrifying performances with BTS, Suga's presence is always felt, leaving a lasting impression on listeners.

But Suga isn't just a master of the mic; he's also a wizard behind the scenes. His production prowess is unparalleled, with his signature sound setting the benchmark for modern K-pop. From crafting infectious beats to composing soul-stirring melodies, Suga's musical genius knows no bounds. Each song he produces is a testament to his creativity and dedication to his craft, captivating listeners and critics alike.

What truly sets Suga apart is his authenticity. In an industry often criticized for its manufactured personas, Suga remains refreshingly genuine. He wears his heart on his sleeve, unafraid to address his struggles and vulnerabilities through his music. Whether he's speaking out against societal injustices or sharing his innermost thoughts, Suga's sincerity shines through, earning him the admiration and respect of fans worldwide.

Beyond his musical talents, Suga is also a beacon of hope and positivity. His philanthropic endeavors, from charitable donations to heartfelt messages of encouragement, have touched countless lives and inspired a new generation of artists to use their platform for good.

As we celebrate the extraordinary talent of Suga, let us also recognize the impact he has had on the world. Through his music, he has broken down barriers, bridged cultures, and brought people together in a shared love for art and expression. His legacy will continue to resonate for years to come, inspiring future generations to chase their dreams fearlessly and embrace their true selves unapologetically.

In a world filled with noise, Suga's voice stands out as a beacon of authenticity and creativity. As we listen to his songs and reflect on his journey, let us be reminded of the power of music to uplift, inspire, and unite us all. Suga, thank you for sharing your talent with the world and for being a guiding light in the darkness. We can't wait to see where your journey takes you next.

[thekingofwinterblog]

thoughts on Digimon?

It peaked HARD in the first instalment, and despite some hickups in that first series, it became such a benchmark that none of its series never really managed to reach its greatest height as a story.

I can certainly validly critique Digimon Adventure on many fronts(terrible and cheap animation, Several of the characters(sora in particular) didnt get to really reach a good conclusion before the ending, and the final arc was rather rushed), but the fact is, its just a good, strong series with VERY good character work.

no the real problems started with the first sequel, Adventure 02.

It was... not very good to put it mildly.

The problem is... despite it's many, many shortcomings, 02 really WAS as good as it was gonna get for the original adventure continuity.

Some of the movies(ok, just Wargames) was good, but overall the many attempts to go back to adventure withouth really understanding what made it good to begin with, has soured the original massively.

And it just gets worse and worse with each attempt.

That said 02 is not good, not by any metric other than the fact it had some rather great ideas that it never really managed to work.

It had a setting where the main characters could retreat back home to safety at any time, but rather than take advantage of that by having them face massive losses to the new main villain Ken, it quickly settled into a twarted scheme of his every other week.

It had a great followup villain after Ken in the form of Yukio Oijkawa, but rather than giving him the main spotlight, we were bogged dowm by other villains who didnt work well. also the plots resumed to just being twarting one scheme a week.

It had some really out there ideas in the form of incorporating lovecraft elements, but it never went anywhere.

It had an awesome concept in the form of the idea of fusion evolving and never really managed to make it work in regards to character development.

it had a lot of nifty ideas, but it never managed to make them work, and so the show had to stand on it's own feet... which just laid bare how bad it really was.

The new main cast was almost all terrible, and the decision to scrap the old one rather than have their tale continue was a horrible decision.

Ken was the only good new lead, but after an amazing start, his redemption arc never really got to a highpoint.

Cody was the only other decent character of the bunch, but was so boring that having competent writing didnt matter at all except for his interaction with Oikawa.

Even the partner digimon were way blander than the original lot.

And of course there was its disasterous and terrible romance conclusions which i wont go over here.

Overall, 02 was a damn mess... And it's failure as a story was important, because it basically meant that if the followup eclipsed it, then THAT would set the tone for the franchise going forward.

Digimon tamers is a great series.

Arguably the best the franchise ever had a narrative work.

It has some flaws of its own, but while not as universally popular as the original Adventure, it's a much stronger work.

The problem with it... Is that while it's a great story... i would hesitate to call it a great "Digimon" story.

It is a digimon story of course... but before that it's a science fiction story.

That is to say it's a science fiction story set in a Digimon setting, which while it doesnt throw away it's original themes, very much does it's own thing, usually for the better.

The problem for the franchise as a whole, is that Tamers and 02 basically forms the two directions that all digimon projects would follow going forward.

either they would go the Adventure 02 path, and just be an attempt at repeating adventure but withouth the soul, and the risk taking the original did. wheter actually being set in the original adventure setting or not being optional.

Or they would go the Tamers route, and basically go in a completely new direction trying to carve a unique niche for that particular series. always with far lesser skill or ambition than Tamers, which means that they never actually managed to repeat that series success in being it's own thing.

Im not going to claim everything after this point is awfull, because it was not, but the series peaked with adventure and Tamers, and nothing the franchise ever did afterwards came even close to reaching the innitial heights despite many, many tries.

[the-xp-budget]

Goblins - Part 3 (War Chanter)

In the centre of this clearing, you see a single table made out of marble. It’s overgrown with vines, but it’s definitely a table. Especially, since there’s a goblin sitting behind it, drinking and eating from a meal of ham and cheese and wine. You see them notice you and set down the book they are reading.

“Good evening,”

What do you want to do?

Goblin War Chanter

“Bubbling of boiling rain, Shimmering of a setting sun, Flickering of a new-born flame Listen to the devils run.” As you descend towards the amphitheatre’s stage, you finally start see this individual in detail. You notice a fancy looking waistcoat embroidered with snakes and the odd harp, over a fairly simple tunic and breeches. Although it is their face that you focus on. Over one of their eyes, this Goblin wears a diamond shaped patch, apparently made entirely of mosaic tiles. “Watch the candle as it dies Feel the chill of night’s embrace Pierce beyond the daylight’s lies, To see the wolf who lies in wait.”

The Goblin War Chanter exists in conversation with the previous entry on this blog. They are both spellcasters, but where the Pyro is a glass cannon, the War Chanter plays support. This is most exemplified by their spell selection, but their raw statistics also back this up.

The expected Armour Class and Hit Points for a level 1 creature are 15 and 20, respectively, and the War Chanter only slightly better than the Pyro. They have an AC of 17, which is pretty high, but they only have 16 Hit Points, so they can’t take too many strikes. For contrast, the Pyro had the same AC, but 1 fewer Hit Points. In the grand scheme of things, 1 extra hit point is not much, but it might save the War Chanter’s life in a pinch.

The difference comes in their abilities. Most significantly, the War Chanter has two actually viable martial options, their Shortbow, and their Dogslicer.

The Shortbow is the easiest to understand. It deals a d6 damage, with a +8 to hit, and the Deadly property.

I have gone over the general strategy for that in my first post, although I hadn’t yet developed my damage chart system, so that hasn’t been compared yet.

The plan here is to open the turn hiding to gain a bonus to the Goblin’s first attack, before loosing a second arrow with their second action, before returning to a hidden position to set up their next turn.

Hide Then Attack Twice (Standard Cover) 0.6 * (0.5 * 3.5 + 0.3 * 11.5) + 0.4 * (0.5 * 3.5 + 0.2 * 11.5) + 0.4 * 3.5 + 0.05 * 11.5 = 6.72 Hide Then Attack (Greater Cover) 0.7 * (0.5 * 3.5 + 0.3 * 11.5) + 0.3 * (0.5 * 3.5 + 0.2 * 11.5) + 0.4 * 3.5 + 0.05 * 11.5 = 6.83

Since this takes three actions to complete, we account for that in the chart. Assuming that the generic line will have taken all three actions to attack with the expected +7 to hit (plus Multi Attack penalty) for a total of 1d6 +2 damage, we get this:

You may note that the average for the generic strike is below its minimum damage, and there is a reason for that. The minimum assumes all that strikes hit, the average doesn’t.

You hear a faint whistling, and whirl around to see an arrow fly through the air towards you with a twenty-six against your Armour Class. You look for its source, and see the Goblin with his bow raised, loosing another arrow towards you before ducking out of view. I assume a ten misses you.

In any case, the Shortbow is pretty good considering the damage output is lower and the strategy uses one less action to actively attack, but it still doesn’t meet the benchmark. We will come back to this in a bit though, because the War Chanter has a few tricks up their sleeve.

However, sticking to the basics, the War Chanter also has a Dogslicer, which has the Agile and Backstabber properties, as well as dealing a bit more base damage than the Shortbow. Once again, I am repeating a strategy from before of move and then strike twice. Although, this time with the added variable of whether or not the target is being flanked applied to both this and the generic strike.

Attack Twice (Not Flanking): 0.5 * 5.5 + 0.2 * 11 + 0.45 * 5.5 + 0.05 * 11 = 7.96 Attack Twice (Flanking): 0.5 * 6.5 + 0.3 * 13 + 0.5 * 6.5 + 0.1 * 13 = 11.7

The Goblin steps back from you for a moment, leveling a short, straight sword at your head and allowing you to see the holes that have been drilled into its blade. Then they lunge, stabbing once at your neck, followed up immediately by a strike towards your abdomen. That’s a twenty-three and a twelve to hit?

So, we have one main option, get into a flanking position and start slashing. We have one more means of dealing damage on its way, but I want to briefly highlight a theme that will come up again with the War Chanter, and that is best exhibited in the Generic line on this graph.

Often, the biggest cause of a damage increase is a bonus to the attack roll, rather than to the damage roll. The generic attack above only changed this one variable, and the average damage increased by more than two points. It’s not much, but it adds up pretty quickly.

In any case, that final damaging ability is the War Caster’s only damaging spell, Telekinetic Projectile. This spell uses two actions and an attack roll, so it can interact with that hide action. It deals 2d6 damage, so the same as two Shortbow strikes, but crucially, it does so with only one attack roll, so the multi attack penalty has no effect.

You hear a whispered word from somewhere you can’t see. “Volare.” Then, you notice a piece of rouble lift into the air and begin spinning in place. You see it gain momentum, moving faster and faster, until it suddenly flies through the air towards you like a stone released from a sling. Does a sixteen beat your Armour Class?

With the War Caster’s +7 to hit with spells, the formula for casting this spell and then hiding is as follows:

Hide Then Cast Telekinetic Projectile (Standard Cover): 0.6 * (0.5 * 6 + 0.25 * 12) + 0.4 * (0.5 * 6 + 0.15 * 12) = 5.52 Hide Then Cast Telekinetic Projectile (Greater Cover): 0.7 * (0.5 * 6 + 0.25 * 12) + 0.3 * (0.5 * 6 + 0.15 * 12) = 5.64

So, not that, then. The War Chanter seems precision designed to be in melee, which is weird for a spellcaster.

Come to think of it, a lot of this creature’s kit is weird. The War Chanter’s defining ability is Goblin Song, which allows them to make a performance check against two creatures, applying a penalty to Perception and Will saves on a success.

The question I have, is why? The only one of the War Chanter’s abilities or spells that even interacts with Will is this one, so it only serves to perpetuate itself. Other than that, it counteracts perception, which isn’t used in combat except in two places. Stealth, and initiative.

Let’s circle back for a moment and look at this creature’s skills, because this is the only Goblin for whom Stealth doesn’t have the highest modifier. Instead, this Goblin specialises in Deception.

Suddenly, things are starting to click. I’ve talked about Goblins relying on ambush tactics in past posts, but here we flip the switch a bit. The War Chanter serves as bait that can keep the targets’ attention and make hiding easier for their comrades.

One of my favourite uses for this is as a signal. The War Chanter rocks up before the fight and offers to guide the characters to a location where, unbeknownst to the party, the Chanter’s friends lie in wait.

Maybe the War Chanter wants information, so they play things casually, asking leading questions and just waiting for the players to get comfortable. When they have got everything, and the trap is about to be triggered, they start singing, targeting the two characters whom it has seen notice things with Goblin Song to make sure that the ambush goes off without a hitch.

You watch the Goblin find a bench and lie down on it, placing their hat over their face and singing a jaunty little hymn to themself. You catch the names of a few of the deities they have mentioned up until this point in there and find yourself entranced by the music. You feel secure in the Goblins calmness.

When combat does break out, I think it would be the War Chanter who offers the chance of surrender to the targets, mostly because they are the most charismatic of the Goblins, but also because they are a mage. They know more than most others that a fight doesn’t have to end with one side dead.

Speaking of being a mage, this Goblin does have a slightly larger repertoire than just Telekinetic Projectile, so let’s talk about those.

“Wait.” The Goblin stops, extending one hand in front of themself and pointing at the hall ahead. It looks normal to you, but obviously your guide has noticed something. “Artis Manus.” They flex their hand, and you watch, emerging like a ghost, a second translucent hand made from what appears to be different mosaic tiles that begins to float ahead of you. You watch the hand move onwards, until it stops above a specific part of the floor, and presses down gently. Immediately, it is shattered by a bolt from a hidden crossbow, dissipating immediately. The Goblin looks back at you, their grin widening.

Telekinetic Hand is a role-playing spell. It picks things up and puts things down, but as you can see above, I would allow it to also trigger traps. In this case, our War Chanter friend is trying to earn the loyalty of the player characters, so that betraying them later will be easier. So, they’re protecting the party from a trap. It would probably have been seen it anyway, but now it seems like the Chanter is helping.

Message is similar, but with a different use. It conveys information, something the Chanter can use to take note of the targets’ abilities. Either for the sake of counteracting them later, or realising that this party is way out of the Goblins’ league, and that the ambush is a bad idea.

Perhaps to make best use of this, the War Chanter leads the party through the lair of another beast and fights alongside them to diffeat it. If they decimate the beast, the Goblin will take a hint and call off everything, but if the group makes it through in bad shape, now the War Chanter knows about their skillsets, strategies, and maybe even weaknesses, all of which it can relay to its comrades later on.

Your guide staggers to their feet, they don’t look too badly hurt, but they are limping slightly. “I’m impressed. You’re very good with that sword, my friend, I never would have expected… well… I didn’t expect it to light on fire at all.” They give you a wide, earnest smile, and you could almost swear that their eyepatch begins to glow a little. It must be the light though. The second you look to closely at it, it’s just a normal eyepatch, if a quirky looking one.

The key to this strategy is that the War Chanter doesn’t ever reveal their full hand. They have a pretty high deception score, but even that won’t save them if they spill the beans too early. They don’t even have to hide the fact they are a spellcaster, just the number of slots they have at their disposal, and especially what happens when they start singing.

It also allows for the War Chanter to grow attached to the party and maybe decide to go against their original crew.

Anyway, the next spell on our list is Figment, which allows the Goblin a bonus to making a diversion, offering an escape. With the War Chanter’s base +7 in Deception, and the expected +7 to perception for a level 1 creature, this has a 65% chance of success.

Naturally, there are two uses to this, one noticeably more viable than the other.

Since a creature is off-guard if distracted by this, the War Chanter could use their final action to make a strike against them. See if you can see the flaw with this idea.

Figment Then Strike 0.65 * (0.5 * 6.5 + 0.3 * 13) + 0.35 * (0.5 * 5.5 + 0.2 * 11) = 6.38

This strategy is not worth it, but what if we used the third action to hide instead. The cover would have to be within 10 ft. of the War Chanter, so this is a niche option, but its still a decent option for escaping the fight.

You watch the War Chanter wipe the trickle of blood from their mouth, as that patch of theirs begins to glow. Before you can react, they make a wild gesture like throwing something upwards, and you hear a growling from behind you. You look around, and watch the corpse of one of those already slain begin to rise to its feet and glare at you with lifeless eyes. As you glance back, however, the War Chanter has disappeared.

Which brings me to Bless and Courageous Anthem, two spells that do mostly the same thing, although it is the difference that key here. Bless offers a +1 to all attack rolls made by allies within a certain radius, while Courageous Anthem offers that and a damage boost to a larger radius at the cost of an action each turn. Bless has the benefit of not needing to be sustained, which frees up that action for something else.

The equation here assumes that the first ally is a Goblin Commando who is flanking the target (+8 to hit, 1d8 +3 damage), and any more are Goblin Warriors at range (+7 to hit, 1d6 damage), outside the radius of the Bless spell.

I feel the need to break this down step by step, so here goes:

Three Attacks – War Chanter (Bless In Effect): 0.5 * 6.5 + 0.35 * 13 + 0.5 * 6.5 + 0.2 * 13 + 0.4 * 6.5 + 0.05 * 13 = 16.9

This is the War Chanter just standing there and whaling on their opponent. They gain the bonus to attack rolls from bless and

Three Attacks – Commando (Bless In Effect): 0.5 * 7.5 + 0.35 * 15 + 0.5 * 7.5 + 0.1 * 15 + 0.25 * 7.5 + 0.05 * 15 = 16.88

This is the same for the Commando, with the caveat that his damage per strike is higher, and his Horsechopper doesn’t have the Agile property.

Hide Then Attack Twice – Warrior (Unaffected By Bless): 0.55 * (0.5 * 3.5 + 0.25 * 12.5) + 0.45 * (0.5 * 3.5 + 0.15 * 12.5) + 0.35 * 3.5 + 0.05 * 0.05 = 6.16

This part of the equation assumes that the Warrior is using the “hide then attack twice” strategy with standard cover, because I don’t want my brain to explode.

This is easier to understand visually.

Each of these represents the total damage of that many Goblins added on just the War Chanter. Once again, however, this doesn’t mean anything without a baseline.

The grey here stands in for the same strategy, just without the Bless spell. Obviously, Bless doesn’t have nearly as much of an impact as it should. It helps, but let’s try another situation.

What if we scrapped the Warriors and just made all the extra Goblins Commandos (“c”)? Forget flanking for the moment. In that case, the graph and equation both look like this:

Three Attacks - War Chanter (Bless In Effect, Not Flanking): 0.5 * 5.5 + 0.25 * 11 + 0.5 * 5.5 + 0.05 * 11 + 0.3 * 5.5 + 0.05 * 11 = 11 Three Attacks - Commando (Bless In Effect, Not Flanking 0.5 * 7.5 + 0.25 * 15 + 0.45 * 7.5 + 0.05 * 15 + 0.15 * 7.5 + 0.05 * 15 = 13.5

Noticeably, Bless starts to add on some serious damage when everyone is within its reach. Remember that this is over one round, so if there are five Commandos, this is doing 8.5 extra points of damage per round.

The Goblin raises both of their fists to touch their chin with their thumbs before pushing forwards with open hands. At the same time, their eyepatch begin to shimmer as the tiles that make it up shift around, now forming a different symbol. As you watch, their allies seem to stand up a bit straighter, as if filled with a sudden burst energy.

But that per round thing is important, because it means the War Chanter is sacrificing two of their actions to get this effect up, which begs the question: is it worth it?

For this, I need to contrast two scenarios. In the first, the War Chanter casts Bless, then spends the next few of their turns in melee. In the second, it spends that first turn attacking instead.

For the sake of realism, in each of these scenarios, the Goblins will get two attacks per turn, and spend the third action moving into position. They will also try flank when they can.

Commando Damage Per Turn (Bless) 0.5 * 7.5 + 0.35 * 15 + 0.5 * 7.5 + 0.1 * 15 = 14.25 War Chanter Damage Per Turn (Bless) 0.5 * 6.5 + 0.35 * 13 + 0.5 * 6.5 + 0.13 * 13 = 12.74 Commando Damage Per Turn (No Bless) 0.5 * 7.5 + 0.3 * 15 + 0.5 * 7.5 + 0.05 * 15 = 12.75 War Chanter Damage Per Turn (No Bless) 0.5 * 6.5 + 0.3 * 13 + 0.5 * 6.5 + 0.15 * 13 = 12.35

We’re catching up, but it’s still not worth it. Well, not with only one Commando. What if we added in another? This one can’t flank with anyone, but it will remain within the Bless radius.

Commando No. 2 Damage Per Turn (Bless) 0.5 * 7.5 + 0.25 * 15 + 0.45 * 7.5 + 0.05 * 15 = 11.63 Commando No. 2 Damage Per Turn (No Bless) 0.5 * 7.5 + 0.2 * 15 + 0.4 * 7.5 + 0.05 * 15 = 10.5

Here, Casting Bless catches up after about four turns, which is pretty decent. Naturally, this will increase with the number of Commandos in the radius, and if it is set up before the fight, this entire thing is irrelevant.

But what about the War Chanter’s other buffing option?

At first glance, Courageous Anthem is just Bless but better. It offers the same bonus to attack rolls, but it also grants that to damage rolls and saves against fear. It’s radius is also greater, so what’s the catch? Why is this spell a cantrip but Bless is a 1st rank spell?

The key here is baked into the game system itself, because Courageous Anthem only lasts for one round, so not only is it designed to be cast more often, but it also takes up an action each round to have any affect.

Let’s run that scenario with the Commando’s again. Each Commando will move and take two attacks, ignoring flanking for the moment. Meanwhile the Warrior will move and then make one attack of their own.

One Strike - War Chanter (Courageous Anthem) 0.5 * 6.5 + 0.25 * 13 = 4.95 Two Strikes – Commando (Courageous Anthem) 0.5 * 8.5 + 0.25 * 17 + 0.45 * 8.5 + 0.05 * 17 = 13.18

So, no. This tactic doesn’t work. The extra damage doesn’t make up for the missing action. This spell is designed for everyone to spend their full turn hacking and stabbing, but because of Goblins in general having lower than average hit points, they can’t afford to do this. They have to move, even if its just defensive, to limit the amount of attacks aimed at them.

The Goblin spits at you, their eyepatch shifting around once more to accompany a shout. “Ad victoriam!” Their voice echoes, louder and louder, until it seems like the wind itself is joining in the cry. It almost inspires you as well. Almost.

But we aren’t out of options yet. Let’s bring back the Warriors for a moment, and assume they are all at range, and the War Chanter is for the moment, the only one in melee.

The Chanter’s equation hasn’t changed, but the Warrior now look like this:

Hide Then Attack Twice – Warrior (Courageous Anthem) 0.55 * (0.5 * 4.5 + 0.3 * 14.5) + 0.45 * (0.5 * 4.5 + 0.2 * 14.5) + 0.4 * 4.5 + 0.05 * 14.5 = 8.47

Suddenly, we start making up for lost ground, and you might be able to see where I am going with this.

I mentioned earlier that Bless takes a few turns to catch up and become worth it. But there is a pretty glaring problem with this:

Fights in Pathfinder go quickly, and Goblins in general don’t have that many hit points. Bless takes a few rounds to be worth it, but our War Chanter friend might not have the time for that.

This is where Soothe comes in. It’s a spell that restores a ton of hit points and offers a bonus to saves against mental effects. It’s a also ranged spell, so it can be used for anyone within a certain radius.

You watch the War Chanter’s grin widen. “Aesculapii benedictionem” Their eye patch begins to glow once more, and you watch light pour from their wounds, which fade before your eyes. Then, you see Goblin straighten up and ready their sword as if this fight has just begun.

The maths for the efficacy of healing vs just running away makes my head hurt, so let’s just simplify and say that this spell adds an average of 9.5 hit points to the War Chanter’s team. If the opposing team does less damage than that per turn, this will give the Goblins at least one more round to balance out the Bless, if not, it isn’t worth it. That’s the math I’m going with here.

Here's a summary:

The War Chanter uses Message to coordinate an ambush and tries to set up the combat with Goblin Song. When combat starts, they will spend their first turn setting up Bless and maybe Courageous Anthem, before offering the chance to surrender.

If the fight continues, the War Chanter has two options, depending on how many allies are within the radius of their Bless Spell. If the majority of allies are outside, they it will cast Courageous Anthem and make a single strike.

If the majority are inside the radius, the Chanter will just slash twice with their Dogslicer and hope for the best.

The first time on of the Chanter’s allies in melee is brought down below half of their hit point maximum, they will try to remedy that with a casting of Soothe.

Finally, if the fight is going bad, either the Chanter is brought below a third of their hit point maximum and they have no more healing spells, or if they have only one ally left in melee, they will cast Figment and try to use it as a distraction to help them flee.

Alternate Spells:

I prefer the War Chanter to the Pyro, purely because of how their abilities and proficiencies are laid out. The Pyro is a generic spellcaster, which allows for customisation. But the War Chanter can have their entire repertoire swapped out and they will still feel pretty much the same.

However, here are a few changes that could be made in order to shake things up entirely.

Bane is the obvious option, switching the War Chanter from support to control by reducing enemy likelihood of hitting with attacks. It’s a pretty decent defensive option that can be used in conjunction with Courageous Anthem to really mess with the battlefield.

Similarly, Concordant Choir gives the War Chanter a nuclear option that might be useful for opening the fight with while their companions lie in wait.

Speaking of which, Goblin Song reduces Will Saves, so giving the War Chanter some options that trigger those is always a fun idea. I like the Ancient Roman philosopher/actor aesthetic that I have going, so Cycle Of Retribution works with that as a defensive option, but so does Command, which can set up some interesting scenarios.

I also like Daze, which can really mess up someone’s first turn leading in to that surrender option. Of course, it would mean the War Chanter would have to spend their next turn setting up their Bless aura, but the first round is for threats.

Summary

I do like the identity of this Goblin. Even without the abilities, the proficiency in Deception means it plays a completely different role in the adventure. Maybe it stands on the other side of a pit trap beckoning the players over, or maybe it engages with the players, asking for information and offering some in return.

This is a charisma-based monster, so missing out on the opportunity for roleplay is, in my opinion, missing the point of the monster.

In any case, if you have any suggestions for creatures you’d like me to cover, send me a message or put your suggestion in the replies or the ask box. I’d be happy to oblige.

All credit for this idea comes from the The Monsters Know What They’re Doing blog, I have simply ported the idea over to PF2e.