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prettyboykatsuki-moved · 1 year ago

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I LIKE IT BETTER WHEN YOU CAN'T KEEP WARM | ODXNY

✮ tags ; heavy themes, gender neutral reader, mentions of past suicidal ideation, getting together, romantic tension, angst to fluff, extremely lovey-dovey ending, some implicit and suggestive content (lit one paragraph n non descript), themes of touch starvation, small height difference (reader is shorter)

✮ wc ; 6.3k (this is so shameful bye forever)

✮ a/n ; every time a semester ends i lose my mind and me writing this in several hours straight is evidence. if i had a nickel for every time i wrote a character study with the central theme of loneliness, i'd have two nickels - which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

i will spare you the insane rambling for the authors note at the bottom of this fic.

✮ synopsis ; he wants something. to live maybe. and if he could be a little selfish, to be with you. he wants that, too.

Bright.

Could just be the dark room he keeps himself in talking. His computer system and encrypted Internet browsers are all in dark mode - and his desktop set-up doesn’t have any L.E.D. strip lights to keep him company. He prefers it that way, the ambiance a better environment to work in when he’s doing his usual rounds. Down to the programs U.I. - Odxny spends most of his time in perpetual darkness. Cozy and familiar - totally safe and secure. Nothing but the low whirrs of a computers fan and the faint blinking of routers to keep him company.

You’re the brightest thing he’s had on his screen in a long time. You’ve got white walls and no precaution, really. You’re sitting at your own desktop - and he can see everything of your life in the background of where you sit. There are photos of you graduating high school, being around unnamed friends, vacations and trips, and head shots like the kind you take for a resume. It’s all so personal. Bookshelves, trinkets, poorly made clay sculptures. Posters of musicians you like and Studio Ghibli movies. Evidence of life surrounds you like a halo.

Awful. Angel comparisons to someone he’s only known for a day make him wonder if he’s more pathetic than he thought. He probably shouldn’t think so hard about a stranger, a real stranger. Thrim generated randomly, though he thinks it sounds like a name. Finds it fun to say, for better or worse.

Natural light pours in from a window nearby, casting shadows in your room. He already knows you, in a way. He did the background search. Where you were born, raised, grew up. The schools you went too, the career you seek. Bits and pieces of you are all scattered in his memory and are not at all thorough. He wasn’t really trying for that at the time, just needed to know if you were dangerous. There’s a cognitive dissonance. To know a life so thoroughly and to witness it is completely, and utterly different.

There’s miles between you. Must be thousands. He can’t remember the last time he’s really met someone, though. It’s hard not to notice that this feels akin to that. Like the embers of a campfire, glowing but not burning. A comfortable warmth.

Bright. His screen is very bright talking to you. Even obscured behind the mask, it’s a little difficult to look at it and leaves him on edge - restless and mildly painful.

When his vision adjusts though, there’s clarity. A person, a stranger - with an exceptionally nice laugh and who is exceptionally trusting. Odxny tries not to think too hard about the feeling of warmth that flutters at your overflowing sincerity.

The conversation is easy.

“Does that mean you trust me now?”

Odxny pretends to think on it. “Enough to keep you around.”

“See you later.”

“See you.”

You accompany your last words with a wave - short and sweet. Darkness pulls him in, back where he started. He has a mild headache from all the light.

You pick up on the language better than he thought you would.

He underestimated you. Can you blame him? Your choice is language is ArnoldC, for fucksake. Sure, he has limited knowledge on esoteric languages but can it really be in-depth enough to show you the basics.

(It can. Or at least, Od presumes this to be the case because you’re rather helpful in Incri’s hacks and Incri is hardly helpful to anyone in the world, no less the server.)

You pick up on things quickly with little guidance - always to the point and not usually making many errors. He has to commend your abilities and give you credit where it’s due. It’s not a hard language to learn, but for anyone with no familiarity with coding at all he’d expect there to be a learning curve. Even if you had coding language, it’s not like you knew SQL coming in.

You fit strangely well into the server somehow. You’re happy to learn and nonplussed about helping with small things, though you don’t know these people at all and have no reason to participate in their nonsense. You talk to Incri fine, and manage to get Pep to accidentally reveal telling information. Odxny finds all of this rather… entertaining maybe. More than impressive, really.

He has a hard time making sense of the feeling. He would hope you don’t think you’re under duress - given the fact your relationship in two days has been pleasant. Then again - maybe he’s missed some social cue and you do think that. It’s possible. After all, he doesn’t actually remember the last time he’s spoken verbally to anyone with very, very few exceptions.

He manages to call you again after the fact - opens the call with sincere and heartfelt congrats and feels pleasant seeing you take the compliment in stride.

You land on the subject of programming again, inevitably. He interrogates you a little more over your choice in language - almost like he can’t help himself. It’s basic curiosity. You had said you were the best in ArnoldC. A little research proved that to be true, presence of you in the forums of various esolang pages. He landed on many things. You’re the best at ArnoldC, but you also know Brainfuck for some ridiculous reason.

He thinks you’re a little ridiculous in general.

“It’s really for the love of the game, huh?”

You nod when he asks this. Smiling, bright and unbothered with a soft edge of smug pride that makes the muscles of his face twitch up. “Mhm. I like my little collection.

Odxny doesn’t doubt it for even a minute. He’s seen the proof, but perhaps he doesn’t need to mention that. “Your trophy case of ridiculous language?”

Your eyes come to life all of a sudden. “Wait. A real trophy case would actually be so cool.”

He pauses, blinking as the words sink before a smile breaks onto his face helplessly. “That was not to enable you.”

“Too late. I’m already looking up the ugliest wood trim display cases I can find.”

The laugh comes naturally. “You really are just like this?”

You look proud again. “What? Fun?”

Yes, Odxny thinks but doesn’t say. “Baffling.”

You ask Odxny to elaborate and he does. The conversation flows with frustrating ease. So easily that he mouths off about his plans to you without a second thought. He doesn’t know why he does it. Not really. He’s thought it through over and over - so it’s not like he needs to disclose it. He made his choice.

He thinks about moving it along. About ending the call or simply brushing past without going into any detail.

When he glances at the screen, you’ve got a pillow in your lap and your eyes completely focused on him. There’s that feeling again, alarming clarity in your gaze and brightness that causes him immense unease in the world he’s made of nihilistic, apathetic darkness. There’s a plan, always has been. He’ll do this and disappear and the world will soon forget him. If it happens that way, than at least this loneliness is a choice he’s made for himself and not something the world has cruelly decided for him.

His lips move faster than his head, than even his heart. Compelled by a nameless and brilliant force. “I don’t have any reason to stay. I’m just — tired. Of everything.”

“No reasons? Nothing makes you happy here?”

His response is measured. Quiet. It’s not secret. He finds his voice crumbles around the words anyway as if they’re a confession. “Not for a long time. I don’t feel much of anything, really. It is what it is.”

You frown. He’s seen it all before. Heard it all before. “That’s…”

He cuts you off quickly.

“We just met. And we’ll be strangers again soon enough.” He says with as much conviction and resolve as he can possible manage. Who he’s convincing remains unclear. “So, not to be cold but..you know.”

The disappointment in your face leaves an impression, but you relent. He tries to make amends for the depressing conversation of talking again and you perk up so genuinely it makes want to cry, in a distant and foreign way.

“Catch you later, then.” He says, and closes at out the call. The room falls dark for the second time. He blinks a few times to get rid of the light clouding his vision.

Wnpep is eager to teach you on the third day.

You’re eager in reply - matching energy with sharp wit and enthusiasm. Wnepep is a better teacher than Incri by several miles. Evident in how much faster everything falls into place for you. Not that you really need too much help in the first place. You break down the crumbling walls of an insurance scam with ease and come out of the other side more accomplished.

It’s a noble last hack, Odxny thinks. Not unsurprising from Pep - unofficially the most sane and likeable member. He figured it’d be something like this less than a matter of personal vengeance.

You go back and forth for a bit in admin chat. Od types an apology about winding you up and tries not to read too much into the innuendo of it as you reply back with your own faux offended replies. He insists he’s somewhat sorry, and you’re far from believing him.

He finds himself grinning at his screen while he texts you mid conversation. When the realization hits, he almost curls into himself from embarrassment - a hand covering his mouth like it’ll do away with the grave sin.

The inneundo happens twice in one conversation, before you get to call under the premise of a victory toast.

A brief conversation about the last hacks barely leaves room for much else except Odxny plans of total isolation.

“Mm. I should’ve known it would come back to this. Why do you care what I choose to do with myself?”

That baffles you in a terribly genuine way. “Am I not allowed to care about another person?”

Odxny speaks honestly. “You are but I mean…” He trails off. He knows how he feels. “I’m not really a person anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m no one. I’m going to be no one. You have other things to fill your life with.”

There’s a vulnerable edge to his voice that he winces at when he hears it. It’s true isn’t it? All of it is true to Odxny, but especially where he says you have other things to fill your life with. You might share the same hobbies, but he’s seen it. He’s seen how different you are - your livelihoods, your existence. You’d be missed if you suddenly disappeared. Odxny knows the same isn’t true for himself. It’s been like that for a long while now.

(It’s crushing. That’s what makes your very ephemeral existence feel like a burden. Why it casts the shadows of doubt on choices he made, about how he would live so long ago. You care, don’t you? At least, more than anyone else in his life in the present. You care so undeniably, and so obviously and it is all so simple to you.

He almost envies it. Almost resents it, too. It’s such a small shred of humanity, the barest forms of sincerity but it is painfully raw. A split nerve. An open wound It’s not like the server, all of whom have accepted this distant fondness. It’s a delicate thread - spider silk accuracy and just as much strength. There’s conviction in your missing him and it haunts him.)

You think of what to say for a long time before landing on it. “I do. But I can care about multiple things at once,”

It sounds like I care about you too closely. He finds himself shivering. He’s truthful with you, unsure of how else to be when it comes to these conversations.

“That sounds burdensome.” He says. “Isn’t that exhausting?”

You don’t lie to him either. “Sometimes. But it’s worth the trouble.”

“Why?”

“Because I like your company,” You reply. Soft sincerity in your words. More clarity. More painstaking light.

“It can’t be that simple.”

“Why not?”

“If it was that simple then -“ Then it makes it seem like things could be different. He doesn’t say that. Stops himself before it can happen. “I don’t know why I’m bothering to argue. Why do I feel like I need to prove this to you?”

He’s almost afraid to look at your face, wincing when he sees how knowing you look. Not in a condescending way - but genuine, full blown understanding. Like you see through him.

He wonders if he knows you as well as he thought he did.

Your face is so sympathetic. “Are you sure it’s me?”

He cuts the conversation short on his own - making an awkward transition from the topic at hand into whatever he can manage. It’s an awkward fumble - a poor attempt at distracting both of you from this line of thinking. You’re kind enough to let him have it. He asks about your hobbies. You tell him about how you like to try the weirdest things and combinations you can find in a restaurant.

He finds it suits you.

A lot of things suit you. Even your piss poor attempt at the Terminator that he quickly mimics - possessed by god knows what.

You laugh when he does. Brilliant and bubbly and characteristically warm. You say the words through giggles.

“That was so bad!”

“It was a lapse in judgment,” He replies back defensively, smiling against his will. He finds himself laughing too.

“I like your laugh, by the way.”

He pauses caught off-guard. “Oh? My laugh. Oh, uhm. Thank you.”

You make a face that he can’t read. Knowing. In a different way than the last. He feels nervous.

“I have been laughing quite a bit, haven’t I?”

You grin. Smug and deliriously happy. “Sure have.”

He looks away from you. “Ha...Odd.”

You giggle again. Your eyes crinkle at the corners, nose scrunched in genuine delight. It’s a pleasant sound but not because it’s particularly wispy or floaty or delicate. But it’s real. Pleasant in the way the white noise of park during summer. Pleasant like the varied playlist overhead in a record shop. Pleasant like a moment of humanity tucked between everyday. He clears his throat.

“I like your laugh, I think.”

You laugh again, gasping with faux offense. “You think???”

He tries not to feel so grounded by that sound and fails. “Yeah. I think. Laugh again.”

He tries not to add please. You shake your head like you’re reprimanding him.

“No, no, you have to earn that. Make me laugh.”

“Nevermind. Shut up.”

You do laugh again that time. He joins you soon after. “And now you laugh? At me?”

The conversation moves again, comfortable like a tide. You ask about his favorite language and he tells you as much. You’re quiet and growing cheeky, listening to him talk.

“So you do like coding.”

“Maybe a little.” He replies, not giving in. “You remember far too much of what I say.”

The conversation comes to a close again. He thanks you for how nice its been and you make an off-handed attempt to get him to change his mind. You could always talk more. The implication delicate beneath it.

We don’t have to forget each other. Odxny brushes past it - but says he’ll see you tomorrow anyway.

Extorting Elimfs childhood friend (?) is an easy enough endeavor. Odxny texts you through out - to ask advice on what things to take when he leaves.

He calls you again when its over too. He can’t find a reason for it - nothing that makes sense. He just wanted to call you. He hasn’t wanted something like that in a while, but he tells himself its fine. This is the last time you’ll ever know each other.

So its fine. He won’t waver.

He’ll just.. call you.

He asks you on your weed habits, mildly surprised when you tell him you smoke and take edibles sometimes too. The conversation loops back to the fund at one point. You don’t hide your displeasure about the whole thing today.

You’ve talked about it already. No need to keep bringing up. But you seem to feel so strongly and Odxny can’t figure out why. Can’t shake the feeling of wanting to know why every single time.

“Is it really so hard to believe I’ve come to like you in a few days?” You ask, after probing.

“In a way that matters, yes.”

You frown at him when he says that. It’s the most upset he’s seen you look, if he can call it that. You’ve never been upset when he’s been rude or insulting - but this is bothering you. It doesn’t help him pull away from you.

He says it again. Reinforces how temporary this all is. He’s trying to convince one of you. Both of you, maybe, of his unimportance.

“I don’t think that little of you.”

He finds it hard to reply to that. It’s that feeling against. It makes him uncomfortable. It’s not empty platitudes or some vague sense of responsibility for his life. All of it is real, and all of it is meaningful in how plain it is. You make it seem easy.

“It’s life. It’s normal. People come, people go.”

You shake your head. “Not for me. I can’t forget you that easily.”

He wishes you would. He’s painfully, painfully relieved that you wouldn’t it. He voices neither thought.

“Then- try! You’re putting so much on yourself, and for what? You don’t stand to gain anything.”

You shrug. “Peace of mind. Knowing you’re still out there.”

It’s heavy. The implication is heavy. He’s not going to kill himself. He doesn’t want that anymore, though he thought about it. At the beginning. Loneliness is more painful when you have memories of what not being that way was like - he thinks. At the start of all that loss, the hollowness bared an almost painful gravity inside of him.

It’s like being told to breathe or blink - becoming conscious of what was once a natural function, how full life was once when it’s escaped. He doesn’t want to kill himself, but living is meaningless.

These things aren’t paradoxical to him. They haven’t been for all this time.

(They weren’t until he met you at least. A mirror of wanting. Odxny looks at you and sees life reflected back. Despite it not being his, its moving. It’s beautiful in a human way, reachable. Tangible. Earned.

Wherever you are. Whenever you’re together, the black hole inside of himself seems to fade back into average planetary darkness. He becomes cruelly human again, feeling warmth and laughter.

He’s tells himself he’s not afraid of dying and that’s mostly true. He’s most afraid of living. Afraid he won’t be able to learn it again.)

He manages to tell you some of what he’s thinking. He has no clue how to start over. He doesn’t know if it’s possible. You don’t feed him any false hope, but he tells you how he sees it. You’re feeling pity for him right? And you should figure that out sooner rather than later.

“Is it really that easy for you?”

You shake your head. You’re smiling but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “It isn’t. But I have to try.”

“Is that what you’re doing with me?”

“What?”

“Is this…?”

He cuts the call off when he hears himself, unsure of what answer he’s hoping for. The realization dawns on him too much, too quickly. The feeling of hope is loud in his chest but there is another feeling, embarrassing in it’s swiftness that follows shortly after.

Oh.

The servers shuts down after a mildly sappy adventure to close up shop. The closest Odxny has gotten to flirting with you in his own way. He’s sad to see everyone go, despite there being no other choice.

It’s easier than he thought it’d be. To give you his number he means, even after shutting the entire server down. After leaving everything behind. He gives you the choice to make. Call me if you still want it - a silent promise.

Maybe because deep down - some part of him always wanted to make this choice. Just maybe.

Your voice is different over the phone line. A little clearer, spoken softer. Just as lovely as it was the first time he heard it. Maybe more. Maybe.

The city beneath him is bright. So bright. It doesn’t hurt to look at, he thinks.

You call him every day.

You’ve been doing it for months.

He thought, at some point, you’d let up or start to forget. He’s been waiting on it to happen as horrible as it sounds. Like some self-fulfilling prophecy, he’d slip back into the background as is natural. A proof of his nonexistence, if you will.

You don’t forget though. He almost wonders if he’s dreaming when it happens. There’s a routine between you two, these days. You have your own life that you’ve been living the same as normal. When it’s night time for you, though - you hop onto your desktop and call Od like you’re two very average people.

There’s nothing solid to define your relationship aside from friendship as is. This is less frustrating than he expected it to be. Getting to know you better has only made him like you more. Your relationship is solid in a strange way. It’s been about six months total, and as corny as it sounds - Odxny feels like he’s known you for his entire life. You understand him in an intimate way, with vulnerable tenderness and radical acceptance.

He kind of misses the privacy of his old stomping grounds, but he doesn’t mind speaking though discord. It feels… normal. In a not displeasing way. You mostly talk to talk about whatever comes to mind. Sometimes it’s your job search, other times it’s your part-time or friend drama. You’re vibrant as always. Without the wall of anonymity, Odxny gets to know of you like he’s just your average person. He finds he really, really likes that.

You play games together frequently. He’s never been interested in cozy gaming, but you play Minecraft and Stardew Valley together per your request. Odxny streams himself playing Ocarina of Time for you on Discord in the background sometimes too, and you keep it on when you’ve got work to do or you’re cooking or something else. There’s something very mundane to it.

You’re not doing anything with him today though. You’re calling him on facetime, rather than at your desktop. You’ve made the executive decision to laze around and Odxny has no problem joining you though you speak less than usual as a result of being sleepy. You had a long shift yesterday so perhaps Odxny can’t blame you.

“Need to get better shoes. For walking and stuff.” You say thoughtlessly. The corners of his lips twitch up.

“Yeah?”

You nod. Your face is smushed against your pillow at an unflattering angle. He smiles a little.

“Yeah. I’m on my feet for like nine hours when I serve and it hurts wearing flats. Need something sturdier even it diminishes my drip.”

He laughs at that. “Please never say that again.”

You continue onwards. “Decreases my aura, even. But alas, utility comes first.”

He snickers as he glances at you through the phone. You’re propped against one of his monitors as he does work on his computer. He’s getting back into programming for the love of the game, just seeing what he can do.

“Want help looking?”

“Feels a little ridiculous asking a super pro-hacker to shop Sketchers with me.”

“You seriously thinking of buying Sketchers?”

You laugh lightly. “Maybe I’ll get tipped more if I get the light-up ones.”

“Please don’t.”

“Hater.”

You break out into genuine laughter as Odxny shakes his head in despair. It’s something you’d do, no doubt. You sigh.

“I really do want a break from work.” You roll around on your mattress. Odxny can hear your rustling but can’t see you much. “The chains of capitalism shackle me in place. Woe is me.”

Odxny thinks on what you’ve said for a long while in silence. The question comes up every now and again though he’s never brave enough to ask it. His ludicrous amount of disposable income however is still sitting in his bank, collecting dust. It’s been six months and he’s hardly made a dent in it.

“Do you want to come visit?” He asks, cringing at the sound of his own voice. The words are strained and a little too eager. “I can pay the difference for expenses for wages and stuff. And, uh. Uhm,”

He loses his train of thought trying to speak, worsened by the way you pop onto his screen when he says that. Your expression is unreadable to him, comfortable and even. You smile a little as you lift the phone so he can see what you look like laying in your bed. Your face is in full view.

“It’d be a little weird to visit you before we start dating officially, no?”

His eyes go wide at the implication. You grin, mischief and mirth making your eyes practically beam. He can feel a blush crawl up his neck as soon as he registers it.

“Excuse me? Why are you saying that like it’s already been decided?” He bites back, not sure what else he could say.

“So you don’t want to date me?”

“I didn’t- you - damn it,” He groans at his own bluster as he giggles on the other side of the line. So cheeky. Damn him for liking it and damn you for being cute. “…You are saying you like me right?”

Your face softens. He can feel his heartbeat quicken. “Uh-huh. Just wanted to take it slow. But I’ve liked you for a long time.”

“How long is that, exactly?”

You shrug playfully and the fact he can’t be within reach to kiss you feels especially harrowing. “A secret.” You smile again, all trouble. “So. Wanna date?”

“Terrible confession. Zero stars,” He says petulantly. He leans back in his chair and finds himself smiling uncontrollably. “Fine. I guess.”

Your laugh fills his room. He doesn’t get tired of hearing it. His face hurts from smiling.

He manages to stave off on the anxiety of you coming to see him for a lot longer than he thought possible.

Making arrangements proves to be a little difficult. You have to tell your roommates that you’ll be gone for a while but promise to still pay rent and explain to your boss where you’re going. You have a good enough relationship and have been working long enough for them to agree to keep a spot open so you can start working when you come back.

After that, there’s the matter of Visas. Odxny goes out of his way to make that process go much faster than normal, though he doesn’t actually tell you. Once all of that’s sorted, there’s living arrangements. Try as you might to insist to live somewhere else, his place is too spacious for him to let you stay anywhere else. You can take the guest room.

He pretends that all of this is just happening in his imagination. He doesn’t even know the last time anyone came over, let alone lived with him. He does his best to make things presentable, and makes a guest room for you to live in should you desire. He even buys more decor (plants and things) to make it look… less like a cave and more like a home.

Nothing really feels real until the day arrives though. It’s a long flight and difficult trip. You refused to let him pay for the tickets so he moved it around to get you into first class both ways through other methods.

You text him the terminal, the arrival time, any and all delays. Still. None of it feels real until he’s already waiting for you near the bags. He can feel his heart race, his lungs short of air. He’s never experienced something so ridiculously contradictory in his entire life. He wants to run away while feeling stuck in place.

The anticipation nearly kills him.

He would recognize your voice anywhere though. Like he did for so many days alone in the dark. A hand waves high, shouting as loud as it can.

“It’s you!”

The sound of sneakers skidding across tile floors make his breath hitch. His eyes go wide as you stand still in front of him, luggage in hand and a million-watt smile on your face. He feels his heart beat so loud, he wonders if he’s going to throw up.

“Hey.” He says, dumbly.

“Hi!”

The adjustment period to living together isn’t what he expects.

It’s been a long time since he’s been so close to another human being. It becomes clear that you’re really living together though when your things end up in the bathroom completely incidentally. There’s something about finding your sleep shirt on a towel rack that makes reality settle in. You’re living together.

He’d be stupid not to notice the purposeful distance between you. An attempt to be thoughtful and not overwhelm him. It’s never awkward when you’re together. You eat together, watch movies and play games while sitting too close on the couch. You’ve been on a date in the two weeks you’ve spent, and it barely took any convincing on your end to make him go along with you.

Isolation aside though, Odxny is not clueless to the conventions of modern dating. You avoid touching him too casually. He doesn’t blame you, but he can’t help but crave your presence with a little more bittersweet longing as the days pass. He has to get past it or bring it up eventually, but it feels like something he’s never going to get over somehow.

The opportunity to do so gets thrown at him all at once. You’ve been living together for sixteen days. A conversation about love languages is what undoes it.

“Whats your love language, Od?”

He gives you a quizzical look. “Dunno actually. Never bothered to look.”

“I’d guess… hm. Quality time maybe? Or words of affirmation.”

He shrugs as he sits next to you on the couch, glancing at your phone as you read through the different ones. “What’s yours?”

“Physical touch. I’m super touchy. With anyone who will let me, honestly. Bad habits.”

Odxny gives you a long look as you say it. He debates if he should bring it up.

“You don’t have to be so careful around me, you know?”

You look up at him, startled by the comment. Several things pass over your face before you settle on an apologetic smile. “Sorry. It’s not like I don’t want to. I just don’t want to be too much for you.”

“That wouldn’t happen.” He says automatically. You laugh good-naturedly.

“Your confidence is assuring, but you underestimate how touchy I am. I’m afraid of I get my hands on you, I’ll never let go again,”

He thinks he wants that more than is normal. He shakes his head. “I don’t mind.”

You give him a long look, seeming struck by an idea, before humming and standing up. You turn around with your hand out towards him. His brows furrow in bewilderment.

“Have some faith.”

He takes your hand and stands up with you. He likes that he’s taller than you. Staring at you, he feels your fingers clasp around his hand and his heart thuds - loud and messy.

“Your room or mine?”

“What?”

You laugh. “Get your mind out of the gutter. Or don’t actually, but I don’t bear lewd intentions.”

He crinkles his nose at the word usage and laughs. “Shut up.”

“Just trust me, okay?”

He concedes with embarassing swiftness.

“Okay.”

You lead Odxny to the guest room you’ve been living in for the last two weeks. The bed is well-made and all the new furniture he bought is occupying so many of your belongings. It makes him dizzy. You shut the door behind him as you lead him in. It just feels especially surreal.

Wordless, you let go of his hand and hop up onto your bed. Once you’re laying down, you prop up on your side with your elbow and pat the empty space next to you, smiling at him as you do. Once it clicks what your asking, he can feel his face grow hot. He can’t refuse it though, and he doesn’t want too.

The sheets you bought together smell like you. Between there’s practically no distance between you at this angle. He’s gotten to look at you plenty through these few days but it’s different. You scoot impossibly close to him until there’s nothing separating you.

Your breath is warm - a soft exhale leaving your lips as you inch closer.

“What’re we doing?” He asks in a murmur, stone stiff. You smile, coyly.

“Touching each other.”

He frowns at the joke. Your expression goes a touch serious right after. The sincerity is debilitating. “Can I touch you?”

He nods. Can’t do much more than that.

He stares at you with impending, long-suffering longing as you bring a single hand to his face and cradle his neck. He flinches unintentionally, but pulls your hand back when you try to move it. He wants this. You relax a little when he does that.

Your hands are softer. Softer than a heartbeat. He can feel the various cuts and scars from years of working against his skin but they’re still so soft. He can feel how warm you in such a brief touch his chest aches. Your hands cradle his face tenderly, thumb brushing across his lip with a smile brighter than thousands of lights. Something in your expression wreaks havoc on his heart. Something so raw and so gentle and so full within it - all directed towards him.

It’s been so long. So long. He’s never wanted something so bad he couldn’t remember needing. He’s never wanted to be closer to someone than he does to you in the moment.

“You’re handsome,” You say, so sweetly. Not a confession, but gentle appraisal. It’s rare he cries but he wants too. “I like looking at you. Can I kiss you?”

“Please.” He rasps, gravel in his voice unfamiliar.

You hum a little. Closing the space between you with a press of lips. It’s not chaste. Odxny is grateful for how long and how deep you linger. He wants it so badly. He wants you in some damning and unforgiving way. How could a human being feel so warm? Feel so pleasant with so little?

You press your foreheads together. His hand trembles when they grip onto your waist but you encourage him just a little. It’s just a kiss. His heart might beat out of him. It’s just a kiss. He thinks he loves you.

Your hand moves away from his face. You let it go underneath his loose shirt to touch his shoulder, running your palm down the plane of his chest. You squeeze his waist, and wrap your arms around his back and pull him to you until your bodies touch somewhere in the middle.

You guide his face to your neck and chest as you hold him. He grips onto you tight in response, a gasp in the back of his lungs at the sudden sensation. You coo above him, soft and light - your fingers threading through his hair and nails massaging his scalp.

Your voice sounds above him, despite how deep in a haze he is. He can’t do anything but cling to you with impossible longing. You speak softly as you pet him. Your heartbeat soothes his.

“I’m glad you’re here.” You tell him. There’s that familiar clarity that makes him want to cry. “I’m glad you let me come with you.”

He can’t think of anything to say back. It’s a soul-shattering emotion. “I love you.”

You laugh wetly above him. “I love you, too. So much.” And then much softer. “Let’s be together for a long time.”

You lay in each others arms until sunset. In small talk and silent murmurs. It takes him hours to work up the courage to kiss you again - but only minutes to take it further.

It’s desperate. Terribly. Inevitable. You’re beautiful in a way that is undescribable, best expressed through his teeth on your neck and his hands all over where he can reach - each grip and thrust and bite a reminder. You’re pretty when you’re pleased, warmth reaching up inside of him whenever you make the right face.

He buries himself in you. You’re soft and warm and beautiful and he wants to stay with you. Time is a thief. He damns the sun when it tears you from him come morning.

He decides to make breakfast when you wake up. Nothing complicated. You go to shower after him and he plates up toast and eggs and other various things. It’s half done when you come downstairs.

Your skin is still damp, and you smell of vanilla and soap. Your coffee sits in a cup on the table as you pad over to him. He turns to look at you as you reach your hand up and cup his face. You pepper a kisses along his cheeks stopping at his lips for the last one before you’re satisfied.

He fails in his attempt not to blush.

“Morning.” You grin. He tries not to be sick at the domesticity of it all and fails.

“Yeah. Morning.”

You sit at the counter and drink your coffee, glancing outside the window. “It’s bright outside.”

Odxny can’t tear his eyes off of you. “Yeah...” He agrees. He’s not torn his gaze away. “Very bright.”

✮ a/n ; i want all real life compsci men to kick rocks but odxny sweeped me off my feet in a way i can only describe as humiliating. he is a bit like astarion for me in that i see a lot of myself in him at least in the past. he is also incredibly babygirl and uhm . other things (fine. he's very gorjus.) but i truthfully was most compelled by his idealized idea of isolation. as the fic will show it resonated with me as a fellow compsci dork who also tends to isolate like crazy LOL

this fic was like a demon that possessed me. literally no meds, no caffiene - just balls to the wall demonic possesion of needing something out of my system LMAOO. and adhd of course. im working on all the other stuff too i promise. consider this a short interlude 👍🏾

#seekL x reader #odxny x reader #seekL #odxny #girl how the hell am i meant to tag this #normal fandoms tagging ettiquette means no fic but i dont think it applies here #what is my problem so genuinely

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thoughtfullyrainynightmare · 10 months ago

Note

Hi! can u make a fuegoleon x reader where the reader is reincarnated and she's loved fuegoleon ever since she saw him on the screen? like the reader fangurling and stuff

Hey,

This was a bit of a pickle for me to write because first I thought this was like a ... reverse-isekai request. Like reader would originally be from Clover and then would be isekaid into our world, where she'd get close ups of Fue. But anywho, I tried a little something the traditional isekai way

Pairing: Fuegoleon x gn!reader (? more like &reader ) Genre: General/mystery Fanfic type: Oneshot Length: ~0,73k Contains: Maybe themes of loneliness if you squint?, themes of longing, isekai fic (into Clover)

Watching anime, and reading manga, had become more popular over the years, so much so that you had undertaken it as a part of your hobbies. Or perhaps “undertaken” sounded more laborious than what it had been, when in reality it had just become a way to pass time. And a lot of shows and stories were readily available, along with plots that seemed more complex and intriguing than anything shown on television from acted tv series, which is why you had been drawn in by the world of anime.

Sometimes the shows were a hit or miss, of course, and some took a longer time to get the hang of, which was just a part of the process. But one day you stumbled onto a show called “Black Clover”. The premise seemed both very typical shonen, but also non-typical in some minor details. Granted that a lot of the plots were mimicking each other if you go far back enough. In the way of “there is a bad guy, and then through the power of friendship, the bad guy is vanquished”. That is a general plot that can be found from anywhere. And usually the protagonist is a kind of an underdog. So… Black Clover didn’t seem much different from the description.

But still. You decided to give it a try.

For a few first episodes, the story setting unfolded. Nothing too mind-blowing, but interesting enough. And it kept you entertained. New characters were being continuously introduced. Some only in glimpses. While others more prominently.

But… there was a glimpse of a character. Or rather, said character was shown from a rather daring angle, along with the display of his name.

“Fuegoleon Vermillion”.

Handsome face. Nice design. Seemed like a nice guy.

Could smile a bit more though.

So the serious type.

Which wasn’t bad in itself.

So you kept watching. Hoping to see more glimpses of your favourite character. Even as the story progressed, and he fell into a coma. Still you wished and hoped that, that wasn’t it. And to soothe yourself you sought out fanfics and fanarts, while waiting to see him again.

Gradually your phone’s storage had numerous pictures of him, and you had your favourite stories saved in bookmarks on your browser. Along with the daydreams that existed in your mind. In which you’d live as a character in the same world as he did. Rarely it was the other way around, because it just seemed less exiting. The grey, bleak world in comparison that you called “home” didn’t seem sufficient.

But it was just a daydream.

Nothing more than a fantasy and a fallacy at the same time.

And while the concept of getting isekaid, existed. It was just a joke spoken between friends.

Nothing serious. No matter how much you might have wished that you would have lived in a different world. A different life. Something more…

Just more.

Simple as that.

There was a melancholic smile on your face as you walked towards the kitchen for a glass of water in your pyjamas as the thoughts swirled in your head. All the daydreams. Adventures that would forever live in your head.

And then… the floor looked strange.

There was a carpet?

A red carpet?

You looked around you.

This… is not … home?

You managed to think as panic began to settle in. From all the things that you couldn’t quite grasp. So many questions. Thoughts. Too many of them to decipher one from the other. Which just left you in a daze.

“Who are you?”

You turned around towards who ever was asking the question.

And before you stood-

No way… I have to be dreaming…

Auburn hair. Purple, stern eyes.

“How did you get here?” Another question.

And a good one at that.

“That… is a good question.”

Your answer didn’t seem to convince him much. Judging from the way he quirked an eyebrow, and looked very much unamused.

Not that you could really blame him. And any answer you could give him, would sound absolutely daft. Ridiculous. Like you must’ve been insane.

But… it was the only one you had.

And… for better or for worse, this would be the beginning of a new adventure. Which you weren’t about to start with a lie, especially to your fictional, now real, crush.

So, you straightened your back, and introduced yourself.

#fuegoleon vermillion x reader #fuegoleon x reader #black clover fanfiction #black clover x reader

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divineerdrick · 11 months ago

Text

Homestuck: Beyond Canon Up8 for July 25 (?) 2024

Well that was fast!

I have to admit I started seeing spoilers to this alerting me it was up first, but I was one of the people that got bit by the bug where it wasn't updating. But I switched browsers and it seems to be working now.

Though we don't have a time update, this is obviously wearing on Vriska. I wonder just how long she's been doing this for.

"i, wANT,,,, tO PLAY A GAME"

We could argue Vriska was already doing that. In fact from the way the proceedings have been described that's exactly what she's been doing. But of course, we know what game Tavros wants to play.

Wait . . . does Vriska not even know that much about Tavros? Like, I knew given the chance he'd want to play fiduspawn. Does she really understand him that poorly? Wow.

Huh! It looks like they actually FLARPed. I would have thought for sure Tavros would have wanted to play fiduspawn instead. Maybe he was worried Vriska would rag on him for it? He also could have chosen FLARP because he knows Vriska likes it.

Oh wow! Is she going to realize it? Winning was never the point! Tavros had fun this time! It's obvious that she was so worried about beating him and the "session" making her do everything again, that she pulled her punches enough for him to enjoy himself. He got to actually enjoy the game he was so excited about!

And can I say, it's always nice to see Tavros happy.

By accident, Vriska ran the game in a way they could both enjoy. They could both have fun! Will she realize that's why things are going well though?

She's not grasping it. As Sally "thewertsearch" realized in her ongoing liveblog, winning is life or death to Vriska. It's impossible to be fine with losing, let alone happy about it. That's been beaten into her so badly, is she even capable of realizing there's another way?

"That is quite possi8ly the gayest thing I have ever heard someone say, Nitram." Wow! Is she using gay as a slur? Been hanging around Dave too long!

Yep! We can blame Dave for that one!

Hah! You catch on fast, Nitram! And just like that, Tavros has turned it against her.

Yeah, she's not getting it. Yes, Alternia is stacked hard against Tavros. And he can't seem to do anything about it. And nothing Vriska did ever helped him. And if it weren't for SGRUB, he'd probably be dead. So what? He's just supposed to mope and be angry and miserable all the time? He's not allowed to find joy or pleasure in things? And as we saw, he does feel down and depressed a lot. But that doesn't mean he's always going to be that way, especially if he just did something he enjoys doing.

Wow! There's a deep cut. That was like all of one panel where it showed Tavros struggling with getting into his recuperacoon and mentioned how he always had trouble sleeping. I don't think it ever got brought up again before now.

Yeah, this Tavros may be pretty accurate, but he's apparently still a construct. Of what, I'm still not sure. But again, the machine holding The Plot Point was created by Caliope and Roxy. I mentioned how strong that could be previously. So Tavros can tell Vriska the point, and still be unaware of what any of it means.

"I think if a certain uppity human was here, she'd call it 'projecting.'"

She did spend a lot of time around Rose. Man. There's some real potential for verbal sparring that we missed with the Retcon's time skip.

The Rufioh comparison is actually pretty apt. The "Tavros" Vriska is expecting or demands doesn't exist. She's never thought of him as anything but another goal, another game to win.

Man, that probably would have helped Tavros quite a bit to know she's always been a mess. Vriska has never had the positive self image she projects. It would have likely been quite a relief for him to understand just how fake her bravado often was.

I think Vriska might be starting to realize Tavros is right. Not only is he right, but what he's suggesting might actually be what this "scenario" demands of her.

And now Tavros is ribbing her about playing a blue blood. I've always guessed that Vriska bought into the hemospectrum more than she let on. If only because so much of her world view was shaped by Alternia's demands.

Vriska's turning this around again. Potentially quite viciously. But Tavros isn't rejecting it completely either.

Bam! There it is! Now I'd note I still don't think she's fully listening to him, but she actually did try this time. And yeah, her realization is true. But then Alternia is a crazy place.

Fucking Aradiabot jumpscare!

That legitimately threw me! I was not expecting that! Also, more God Tier art! Look how absolutely menacing and ominous she is!

Well Vriska should know this place well, but she's probably more surprised than I am.

"m0re accurately this is the b0ss fight t0 drive the p0int home"

And she's one hell of a boss!

Vriska really did get everything she wanted when Aradia killed her, or at least what she thought she wanted.

This feels familiar of some other, Homestuck adjacent media.

"y0ure n0t here t0 be redeemed vriska y0ure here to gr0w up"

That's a double slap to the face! Also appropriate and needed.

Everything has to have a purpose, a justification. Every tool has a use and every person a role. Vriska cannot conceive of a world where anyone is enough. And because of that, she can't conceive of a world where she is enough. She has to be saving everyone's butts, even if they hate her for it, because that's why she's here. If she's not doing that, then there's no reason for anyone to care about her.

Somewhat reminiscent of a certain Narrator and his goals . . .

"light players define themselves by their direct acti0ns and understanding"

Yes! More information on aspects! Someone knows there's still a bunch of us lore and theory nerds around!

Fucking. God. TIER!

And now we're in the Quest Cocoon, sans a traumatized Tavros.

We never really got much of seeing Team Charge together and happy. I absolutely love it.

Hah! Look at that fucking echeladder! "DANTE 8ASCO'S INFERNO" XD

And that's the end of that part of the VN!

That was so fucking good! I'm so excited and spun up now! And I have to go to bed! Settlers of Kalguur starts tomorrow and I still haven't settled on a build!

But who cares! I'm loving this so much! I hope you're all enjoying this too!

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the-masquerade-council · 1 year ago

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Octocon: A Review and Comparison. (Website link)

I am writing this on the 14th of July 2024, which is just three days after the first public release of the app(on the 11th). So some of the things I bring up here may no longer be reinvent, when it is updated in the future. I've also only just started using it, so there may be stuff I'm unaware of.

I think the 2 biggest advantage of octocon is, first the fact that it functions as jake of all trades, and second the safety features. The app has a companion discord bot, as well as in app journaling. Making it so it has features of simplyplural, pluralkit, and lighthouse all in one. In terms of safety, in addition to options for a pin lock, there are also a quick exit option and a stealth mod option. With quick exit enabled you can double top any unoccupied spot on the app to immediately close the app. The stealth mode being enabled makes it so when the launches it appears as a news app(pictures on the right below), to access the real app just double tap the logo. Also the app having no reference to systemhood or plurality in the name makes it more convert.

I could see the app being directly connected to the discord bot as being very useful for systems that split alters often. I know from our experience we often don't really bother with setting up PK profiles for a lot of our system(and doing with tokens every time is also annoying), so having the app and bot linked is useful. The discord bot commands are also more private than PKs.

The app can be used for front and alter tracking, you can also set an alter as primary front if multiple alters are fronting. Also alters in the app are given an ID number which can be changed to organize them, rather it being alphabetical(one of our pet peeves with SP is the fact you can't make organization non alphabetical, I say a host whose name starts with V) The app also lets you make alter folders, which can be used for subsystems among other things. It also let you add friends so they can see who is fronting, much like simplyplural.

There are also several different color options for the app.

As for the journaling, there's both individual alter journals and a journal

Now moving on the things I like less about the app. As a reminder the app just come out and the app will likely be changed in the future.

There is no in app way to edit the info for the system as a whole, this is done via the bot on discord. On a related note system usernames must be between 5 and 16 characters long, which as you might notice is to short for our system name.

The is no dashboard, and no chatting or polls in app, though chatting could still be done on discord with bot. Also there's no browser version.

All alter info is on one tab I could see this getting very crowded. there's less custom field options(not date options for example) and no markdown support(meaning you can't add images and such to bios and the like). There is also currently not wat to achieve alters.

There is no non folder way to represent subsystems in the app, mean there is also no subsystem specific group journals. (Side note lighthouse is very good for keeping track of subsystems, if your system has multiple I recommend you give it a try)

The app's current front history keeping is rather bare bones.

Closing thoughts

For now we are going to continue predominately using simplyplural and pluralkit. Simplyplural for it's better information keeping, and pluralkit do to its prevalence. However I am very excited to see what octocon's future hold and can absolutely understand why some systems would prefer it over alternatives. I am also always glad to see new system resources being created!

#system resources #system apps #did system #cdd system #system stuff #dissociative system #app review #long post #-v #sorry for the any spelling errors #y'know dyslexia and all #octocon

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fi-niamh · 5 months ago

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Ellipsus vs Google Docs

(from someone who's been using Ellipsus for 3 months)

I think I've finally been using ellipsus long enough to be able to give it a proper comparison against Google Docs, which I've using for almost ten years

Is ellipsus still in open beta? yes. will this review be out of date in a couple of weeks? probably.

Do I still recommend it to literally anyone? yes absolutely

For those unfamiliar, ellipsus is a website that's (from what I've seen) being marketed as a google docs competitor specifically for writers. it's really good, I really enjoy it, but it does have some draw backs

I haven't tried any of the collaborative feature, so I won't be talking about them here, but here's the TLDR:

Ellipsus is great overall, it doesn't crash on you randomly like Google Docs tends to, it has built in dark mode, the drafts feature is an absolute godsend, and Ellipsus explicitly states that they won't feed anyone's work in AI training. The two biggest downsides is that there is currently no custom dictionary option, nor is there offline support. But both of these options are planned and in development, respectively

I'm going to go into a bit more detail here with some pros and cons that I've found. Please note that this is not a guide on how to use Ellipsus, just a general pros and cons list that I've created over the past few months

Pros

Built in dark mode

I cannot stress enough that this was the thing that made me switch over to Ellipsus in the first place. The fact that Google Docs still doesn't have native dark mode on browser was starting to drive me insane, so once I learnt that Ellipsus supported it, I made an account immediately. And it's not the bad dark mode where all the colours are inverted; it's proper dark mode with greys and a nice off white text to match. And there's also light mode for those of you who prefer burning your retinas off /s

Drafts

The drafts option basically makes a copy of what you've written and gives you an option to play around with your writing without changing original document. This was basically what I was doing with Google Docs, but instead of trying to balance three separate documents and inevitably confusing myself, it's all in one spot on the side bar. Plus, there's an option to compare changes so if you're like me an write in the draft instead of the main document by accident, you can see the exact place you went wrong

No AI Training

Ellipsus is very clear that they will not share any of our writing data with AI which is really nice and something I'm certain Google will never guarantee.

Ellipsus will explain it better than I ever could so if you're interested, you can read their stance of generative AI

Folders!!!

Ellipsus has folders!!! Folders!!!

Because I refuse to use Google Drive to organise things, my Google Docs home screen was either filled with a million documents (one for each chapter) or one very, very large doc with some 100k words on it. It did not load. I crashed my browser on more than one occasion.

This is not an issue with Ellipsus because they have folders.

It doesn't crash

A constant issue I've with Google Docs is that once a doc hit 20k words, I would get phantom lines running across my screen, the screen would tear when scrolling, and occasionally my browser would crash entirely. This isn't an issue I've encountered with Ellipsus.

Now, I haven't tested just how big of a document Ellipsus can handle but I've written up to 15k words in one document and didn't run into any issues other than scrolling was occasionally a bit unresponsive

A dedicated AO3 export button

A big problem I know a lot of people have is that Google Docs formatting does not carry over to AO3 very well so if you add italics for example, copying and pasting from Google Docs to AO3 will result in random spacing. Example:

"This is how it should look!"

" This is how it ends up looking !"

Note the spaces between the punctuation and the words. It gets really annoying having to go back and fix it all, but it's not an issue with Ellipsus because they export directly into ao3 friendly HTML

Easily accessible word count

This one is very minor, but I love that the word count is just hovering at the top of the screen. The shortcut to access it on Google Docs was annoying, so not having to bother with that is really nice

Cons

No Custom Dictionary

I imagine this one is a deal breaker for a lot of people, but you don't have an option to add words to your own custom dictionary. This feature is planned, and has been since May 2024, so I imagine that there's a lot of backend stuff that makes this feature pretty complicated. Still, it is pretty annoying especially when writing fiction. For the time being, I've just turned off the spell check and used a third party grammar and spell checker that allows custom dictionaries.

No Offline Support

Unlike Google Docs, Ellipsus has no offline support which means that nothing you write is saved to your computer. This was a pretty big one for me, so I've started manually saving everything I've written into a folder on my laptop and uploaded it to a cloud service just in case something happens to the Ellipsus servers.

This is a bit of a pain, but this feature is under development so I imagine I won't have to do this for much longer

The website can be slow to load

It's hard to tell if this is because of my terrible Australian internet, Ellipsus servers, my million folders, or a mix of all three, but occasionally the website does take a bit to load. It's not too bad, and it's like lightning compared to how long Google Docs can take to load sometimes, but it's something to be aware of if you're like me and suffering from already slow internet

Formatting

This one is mostly just nitpicky, but it put me off at first so I imagine it might do the same for someone else.

The formatting is constantly being improved, but there are some things that aren't great.

The font options aren't super extensive, and I really only like one of them (which is entirely subjective, I know), and there's no option to set a default one. At the moment, you can't embed images, add page numbers, or add links to page breaks further down in the document. These features are planned, but it might be a while before they're added.

I know that formatting is important to a lot of people, and by no means is ellipsus formatting bad, it just might not be right for you. It didn't impact me too much because I was able to readjust my workflow so that I didn't need page numbers, but others might not want to do that

Final Thoughts

Ellipsus is really good for what I use it for, and I don't think I'll be switching back to Google Docs for writing any time soon. I might give another update on my thoughts in the following months when I'm back at uni and need to use Docs for uni work, but from what I can tell so far Ellipsus is the superior writing app

It's definitely missing some key features, but it's still in open beta so that can only be expected

New features are being added, just in the last few months some new text colours were added (I think, maybe I just never noticed them) but they didn't impact me as much as I imagine they impacted others. The biggest thing I'm looking forward to is offline support but my software engineer brother tells me that requires a lot of work so best of luck to all the ellipsus devs

#ellipsus #writing #writing tools #writers on tumblr #fanfic #fanfic writing #writeblr #original writing

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fountainpenguin · 2 years ago

Note

Can you share some of what your planning process for long fics is like? What kind of outlines do you do or what prep do you do to get in the zone?

Thanks for the ask! [Tagging #ridspoilers for minor plot outline, birthday, and alien planet calendar spoilers for Origin of the Pixies, Frayed Knots, and Factor It In]

---

I write on Google Docs; it might not be for everyone but it's what I've found to work well for me after a lifetime of writing (Ex: When I was a kid, I used WordPerfect and Dropbox and it would take hours to sync my documents before a long road trip... I travel between two locations a lot, so these days I just pop open the Google Docs app on my phone or use the Edit Offline extension on my laptop and it's always up to date, which works great for me!)

I also like Google Docs because I can link between documents and have lots of open tabs [along the top of the browser] in "one tab" [along the bottom bar], which isn't something I was able to do as a kid or with Microsoft Word, and it just helps me feel clean.

---

Masterlist Doc [1 per fandom]

I keep all my Fairly OddParents 'fics in a doc titled FOP 'Fic Masterlist. I have my most important resources at the top and they're all broken down with clear labels and doc links.

This way, even if I haven't accessed a doc in a while [meaning it doesn't come up when I type its name in the URL search bar], I always know where I can find it. Also, thanks to my edit offline extension, all I need is this one link and I know I'll be able to open any doc I need.

I have a lot of 'fics, so this doc is several pages. If you've ever read my FFN or AO3 bios and saw that note about how I keep a queued Tumblr post containing links to my unfinished 'fics in case I unexpectedly die, that queued post links to this doc!

You'll also notice that I have distinct scrap docs for Origin, Knots, and the 130 Prompts. I change or cut a lot of stuff and it's nice to keep the old WIPs in case I ever want to look back on them (each of those docs is 25k words just of scraps). Sometimes those scenes get recycled, but usually they just sit there. It's a lot easier to cut things from a story when you have a place to put them and you're not deleting them forever.

[Cnt'd under the cut]

---

Table of Contents Doc [1 per long 'fic]

All my long 'fics have a table of contents doc, which I highly recommend for anyone doing a large multi-chapter project. I always slap the cover image, a height chart, or a character reference on top to make it pretty, then the doc will contain some notes I might need. For example, Origin's doc has two height charts:

and this-

Makes it easy to know where to find things. Also, you don't have to draw your own height charts, but I recommend keeping a list of heights on hand. Even if you don't tell the reader someone's exact measurements, it's always nice to get a feel for how characters compare to others and whether they should be looking up or down.

Come What May's doc has this screenshot comparison on it, which I put together by measuring different characters who appear next to each other as carefully as I could, and it works too:

Obviously Kevin and Molly never appear in the same episode, but since they're about to become step-siblings in Come What May, it was important to me that I knew how tall they were, so I measured Molly against Timmy and then Timmy against Kevin. Same for Mrs. Crocker, who I measured against Timmy to get a feel for how tall Kevin is compared to his grandma.

I know it's a fanfic so it doesn't really matter, but you have to do self-indulgent things sometimes :)

Frayed Knots also has Sunnie's character reference [i.e. Anti-Cosmo's patron nature spirit, the water dude], which I just want to show off because this is still really good art for something I drew in 2017:

Other things I keep in my table of contents docs are lists of episodes where certain characters appear, random notes that I need to keep track of (like any canonized character addresses or allergies), and chapter title ideas. I also keep track of the starlight levels [i.e. which season it's bright outside vs. dark], school year reminders, and Anti-Fairy migration season.

I keep my Vatajasa name chart in Knots too:

Factor It In's table doc contains a list of villains who appear in the 'fic (Red for ones who don't appear, green for those who do). It also links to the Wiki page for the Evil Villains Association so I can remember which villains are and aren't in it. It also has my timeline details:

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Timeline Notes

Factor It In is set in 1998, and my table doc has all the notes I used to narrow down to that date (ex: I originally planned to set it in 1987 because I felt that the late 80s fit the technology level we see in the show before I re-watched the episode "There's No V In Team," which specifically refers to the year 1987 as having happened in the past).

One of the reasons I liked using 1987 originally was because Factor It In is a story about Kid Math training under WordGirl, and it takes place shortly after the Kid Math episode, which aired in 2014. Factor It In opens in early January, so I like the Easter egg that the 2015 calendar would be the same even if we took its airdate literally. 1998 was the only year in the 90s that also matched the calendar, so that's what I ended up with.

I like keeping my timeline notes around so if I take a hiatus, I can always come back and remind myself why I picked stuff. Also it's way easier to expand your worldbuilding if you kept your notes... it's awful if you threw your math away and have to start over (I once redid an entire timeline because someone said I'd messed up the dates on my chart, and I believed them and redid it all, only to realize several months later when I ran into a timeline problem that my math had actually been right all along :') Don't be like me. Record your work and leave notes explaining why.)

[I always use THIS calendar website when I'm planning timelines. It tracks moon phases, which was important when @zachbrightside and I were working on the FOP timeline and heavily relying on moon phases as a guide, and you can easily type any year and month into the URL bar so it's super easy to navigate.]

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Birthday Notes

I also kept all my notes on determining birthdays (very important for long 'fics with lots of characters that take place over several months! One of my FOP resource docs is specifically for birthdays and annual events, ranging from parades to anniversaries to carnivals).

My headcanon for Becky Botsford's birthday is July 28th. We know she starts the series at age 9 and has a birthday in Season 1 episode 4, meaning she's 10 for much of the series. There are at least two episodes where she cites her ages as "10 and a half," and we saw that in her next birthday episode ("A World Without WordGirl"), her cake had 11 candles on it.

Show canon implies that time IS passing and that the show doesn't exist in a timeless void (see also, Timmy Turner wishing to freeze time for 50 years), so it was important to me that I nail down her birthday. I knew I wanted it to take place after Rhyme and Reason if possible since there are no more birthday episodes, though I would also be fine with having "Rhyme and Reason" shortly after her birthday [to ensure she stays 10 and 11 for the majority of show canon].

Here are some of my notes on her birthday for anyone interested (Hopefully they're not too squished):

^ Like I said, I switched 1987 to 1998, but yeah. Rex's birthday comes out to June 13th, 1989 and Becky's is July 28th, 1986.

Clickable links for Rex and Becky on the age calculator if you're curious... Important for me since one of Rex's math powers is to always know how old someone is to the day.

Fun Fact - I deliberately gave Rex June 13th as a birthday so he would share a birthday with Foop, who is also a Season 7 Episode 1 debut kid over in Fairly OddParents :)

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Having birthdays planned is also nice for when I want to write multiple 'fics in the same world, even if they're not the same 'fic. In my story "Flypaper," which takes place in early June, Rex is eagerly awaiting his 17th birthday and Becky muses on how she'll be turning 20 at the end of the summer... Just a nice detail not only to set the scene, but also to help the story feel grounded and realistic since one of the themes of "Flypaper" was that Becky felt time was slipping away from her.

It's also important to note that Rex and Becky are always among the youngest in their school years since they have summer birthdays. Tobey is 12 for most of the time Becky is 11... Little details that don't take a long time to plan for, but can really help a story feel like the author put effort into the world.

Again, I highly recommend leaving clear notes to yourself about why you're doing certain timeline things. I much prefer having the breakdown of the episodes I looked at over simply leaving a note to myself that Becky's birthday is July 28th!

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Character Arc Notes

Before planning the events of the story, it helps to get an idea for what themes and character traits you want to focus on. Frayed Knots is about love and betrayal- it's about Anti-Cosmo pushing for what he wants even though it hurts his loved ones (appropriate theme for a villain backstory 'fic).

I want to show some notes I have for Factor It In because I think they're interesting. Factor It In is my first attempt at doing a story that deliberately focuses around two protagonists and their separate but equally important character arcs, and I'm excited :)

Everything that's in my doc is the "tell" part of "show don't tell." The story tries to show what I have in my notes:

Rex arc - Lack of Stability / Lack of Control - Failing, getting tricked, being unwanted, not good enough, not understanding things. Being in foster care is scary. Unfamiliar planet is scary Show Kid Math always being super inquisitive. He always wants to learn. He knows the most, he is the best, he gets upset when he's fooled or when he fails. He was 2nd best in school. He feels lost when he doesn't know what's happening in his future. Gets upset when WordGirl doubts his decisions. In the opening scene of Factor, he's mind controlled by Mr. Big. Literally has no control Kid Math clings to his superhero certification / Hexagonian education. He was raised by his aunts and has basically no relationship with his parents (though he tries to hide the fact that this hurts him). He feels like a burden; he feels like his mom considered him "too much work" and that his father considers him "not worth bothering to visit." Rex constantly struggles under this fear that he's a burden. He wants to prove himself a good superhero so that his education (and life) aren't "a waste." Conflict: Kid Math has already spent his entire life feeling like he's no one's first choice; that he's only "second best" (because he was second to top of his class in school). He understands that he and WordGirl are sharing the city, but it's important to him that he's considered an equal. He wants people to like him. It hurts when WordGirl comes on too strong and makes it obvious she lacks faith in him, because he feels like a burden: his worst nightmare. Throughout the story, Rex internalizes his successes and failures. He cannot separate his superhero identity from his civilian identity. He always sees himself as "Rex, who trained to become a superhero." He calls himself Rex and has no distinction in his mind. His secrets slip, he uses his powers when he's Rex, and he expects people to attribute KM's failures to Rex (Ex: school kids laugh at how he falls for tricks as Kid Math and it upsets him as Rex). Rex values control, and will do all he can to avoid losing control. His deadly sin is Wrath, but he has a lot of emotional control and will try to remove himself from the situation. As long as he has his safe space and his comfort things, he's okay. We get several scenes of him wanting to break stuff when he's upset but he holds back... with the underlying tension of wondering how long he'll last before he snaps (pitting his nightmare of losing control against Becky's nightmare of losing his friendship).

I want to highlight the part about how Rex cannot separate his two identities. This is something I showed even back in "AlgoRhythm" - Rex always calls himself "Rex" inside his head, even when he's dressed as Kid Math. However, when I write from Becky's POV, the third-person writing swaps between calling her "Becky" or "WordGirl" depending on how she's dressed.

I also have notes about how Rex's character arc relates to the story's finale, but that's spoilers. Since Rex's character arc is about how he hates not having control, then the worst thing that could happen to him is not having a say in things: hence why the plot about bouncing between foster families is such a hard thing for him to go through. Eventually, he'll also be put in a position where he needs to think about who he is as Rex vs. who he is as Kid Math, and we'll see that in the story climax.

Becky has a fun arc too:

Becky arc - Loss / Change - People being hurt, losing her friends, hurting or losing her family. Fear of change. Show WordGirl being upset when relationships fracture, even with people who aren't super close to her. She struggles with the idea of Kid Math befriending her villains or losing her position as a hero and getting replaced by Kid Math. Put simply, WordGirl is a control freak who refuses to admit this to herself. WordGirl struggles to relinquish control to Kid Math (which is where they come in conflict since he ALSO feels stressed when he doesn't have control). WordGirl is a bit of a helicopter mentor; she hovers around Rex, interferes with his work, and just generally gets in his way (which is pretty funny imo since Rex never got in her way during "Kid Math"- he's capable, he just causes problems with social interaction and not with the actual fighting... WordGirl gets the social interaction part but definitely gets in the way). Conflict: WordGirl doesn't enjoy having Rex around, but she can't tell him that because it might hurt his feelings and that would cause her "loss and change" pain. She would feel guilty and sad. Rex being Exposition Guy's foster kid is a big source of conflict between them, as Rex believes he should "get dibs" on info EG shares. WordGirl stresses when Rex doesn't do things "her way" and Rex gets frustrated that she doesn't trust him. Tensions keep rising because WordGirl starts seeing "the bad" in Rex; she keeps seeing Miss Power traits in him and she worries that Miss Power might have been his teacher back on Hexagon. Her nosiness strains Rex's trust in her and he starts pulling away emotionally... sending her into a spiral about change and loss (especially as more and more villains and civilians grow familiar with Kid Math and start to think he's cool). Lots of resentment towards Kid Math for "replacing her" even though she NEVER admits that to herself; she still has trace amounts of jealousy towards him in later stories like "Flypaper..." WordGirl doesn't mean to be jealous or greedy, but it's always been one of her flaws (i.e. someone else getting a key to the city, or when she snapped during Miss Power special about Chuck getting a collectible unicorn, wanting to show off a bit during "Invisible Hand"). She's a very nice person but Envy is absolutely her deadly sin.

So yeah! Fun times ahead; I'm excited.

We've already started seeing cracks form between her and Chuck... In Chapter 4, Chuck confronts her, asking if WordGirl is retiring and if he'll still get to see her. Chuck has his own little character arc in the background, which is that he broke his foot a few days before the story starts- he has to sit on the sidelines watching the other villains get "WordGirl time" while he has to watch Kid Math go through hero training.

A lot of other characters have small arcs too, though Chuck's and Victor Best's are probably the most notable-- Chuck and Victor are both characters who struggle with being "the second best" compared to a more successful sibling, so they resonate heavily with Rex's character arc.

WordGirl's arc is about control, so Mr. Big and Tobey (mind control and robots) are pretty obvious choices for her, along with Dr. Two-Brains... but actually, Granny May and Eileen are two villains I really wanted to look at in Factor It In. Granny May's life hinges around being a "people person" (to the point that she had an episode about how she could be way more successful with a different schtick; she just likes talking to people too much to trade that for success).

Granny May is super calculating and manipulative and she also struggles with little losses of control in her daily life (getting on in years, mobility issues, and the episode "Granny's Book Club" where the Evil Villains Association tried to force her to retire). I like Granny May because she looks like this sweet old lady but she also, like. can fly and has a robot suit, which is SO funny.

With her cold, calculating patience and her manipulative ways, Granny May represents the worst of Rex AND Becky at the same time, which is great. I'm excited to get to her chapters. Eileen is also a fun villain to juxtapose Becky because she's the embodiment of envy, which Becky struggles with, so I'm looking forward to that too.

A lot of characters are also working on school projects, so they always have "something to do" or "something that is causing them stress." Mapping out the background character arcs and conflicts can help the story feel more alive, and I think that's a useful part of outlining :)

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Once you know your character arcs ["What is my character's biggest fear, what is something my character will do wrong, what event forces them to face their fear, and how do they resolve this situation in a way that shows them growing as a person?"] then the story sort of writes itself :)

Make sure you have a goal or a problem and make sure there's a reason they can't achieve the goal or solve their problem in the first chapter. Here are some examples from 3 of my long 'fics:

Origin of the Pixies - Fergus (i.e. H.P.) fears being responsible for others... His father wants him to study psychology and take over the family therapy business (Wish Fixers) even though carrying the weight of others' emotional problems sounds like the worst fate imaginable... so Fergus cuts ties with Dad, drops out of the Fairy Academy and runs away from home. Now he only looks out for himself, can start his own business if he wants to, and he can drink and party all the time. What could be better than that?

Fergus's nightmare of being responsible becomes unavoidable when he (a pixie) starts reproducing asexually... during a time when no one really knows what pixies are and Fairy World has a baby ban in place. Fergus pursues a life of business and money-making, fighting to provide for Sanderson and the rest of his clone offspring (some of whom are predisposed by their genetics to kill him when they come of age, which is fun). Things get even worse when Fairy World and Anti-Fairy World go to war... Being responsible for kids during a time of peace was hard enough, but war? Forget it.

After successfully navigating the chaos of war, Fergus is ready to settle back into a peaceful life, but tumultuous politics keep him on his toes. His best friend - the leader of Anti-Fairy World - gets overthrown by hotshot Anti-Cosmo, and Fergus is forced to re-evaluate his friendships, priorities, political alignments, and personal needs if he wants to maintain political piece between the Pixies and Anti-Fairies.

While raising his pixie clones, Fergus has always kept them at arm's length and called them "interns" or "employees" or even "nephews" to avoid calling them his sons. The older he gets, the less he's able to do the things he liked to do in his younger years - goof off, wrestle, attend parties - and the more he needs to think about putting his pixies first. As death looms nearer and nearer, Fergus grows increasingly desperate to ensure his pixies will still thrive without him... and he'll do anything, regardless of who it hurts or how badly he endangers the magical world, to ensure they do.

Frayed Knots - Anti-Cosmo fears being unloved; his father isn't in the picture, his older brother is aloof, and his mother isn't kind to him. He's desperate to not grow old without a soulmate by his side. When he fails to match with a partner during a betrothal ceremony, he lies his way through it and tricks his peers into believing Anti-Saffron is his fated match.

As the centuries pass, it becomes more difficult to maintain the lie and Anti-Cosmo begins questioning whether maintaining his relationship with Anti-Saffron is even worth it. Breaking things off in a society that believes in luck and fate, however, is incredibly risky and could get him labeled as an outcast for the rest of his life.

Anti-Cosmo struggles to balance his dying feelings for Anti-Saffron with his growing feelings for Anti-Wanda, and things get trickier and trickier as his friends realize he's been lying all his life and start pushing him away. Finally, Anti-Cosmo has to choose between his comfy lies and his betrothed or else throw away everything so he can chase after Anti-Wanda... who might abandon him too, just like his friends did, and leave him alone and unloved.

Anti-Cosmo maintains his lies as long as he can, hurting his loved ones in the process, and struggles to pick up the pieces left behind. Even if no one else forgives him, he can't keep living in the past; he has to learn to forgive himself if he hopes to be approachable and trustworthy again. Being an evil villain, though, I guess whether or not he grows as a person is up for some debate...

Factor It In (Rex) - Rex values his personal achievements; he finds joy in superhero work and regularly brags about himself, his schooling, and his home planet Hexagon in general (right down to the fact that his planet has "the tastiest raisins in the universe.") Unfortunately, he's stuck in a cycle of giving his all but never feeling satisfied with his achievements because he's "never the best." One of his greatest fears is being confronted with evidence that he really is a burden and a failure, which would absolutely crush his spirit.

Rex doesn't love the way that Becky pushes him around; she's not mean, she just tries to guide him towards foster care even though he doesn't want to go. He doesn't speak up about it because he wants to put his faith in her and believe that he can learn from her and become a better person (since "being a good person" is the one thing he values above personal pride). He still feels inexperienced and overwhelmed in the early chapters, so he's hesitant to speak up and explain why he doesn't like what Becky's doing... up until she starts crossing his boundaries and then he has to draw the line.

Rex's desire for independence leads him to trust very easily. He puts his faith in Victor, Tobey, Chuck, and Granny May, who steer him down a wobbly path of moral grays. Becky keeps pushing him further away, so Rex continues bonding with the villains because he feels safe with them. Obviously this doesn't end well and he has to face the consequences of choosing the villains over his friendship with WordGirl.

In his determination to mend things with WordGirl, Rex accidentally lands both of them in a terrible situation and puts them (and therefore the rest of the city) in danger. In order to fix this, he has to push through his personal pride (Ow), accept his mistake (Double ow), and go against his training (which became useless while Bad Situation is in effect) so he can find a new way to save the day.

Factor It In (Becky) - Becky values her identity as a superhero and how much work she puts into protecting the city. She fears that Kid Math will be a worse hero than her (endangering people) but also fears Kid Math will be a better hero than her (blow to her self-confidence).

She can't resolve this problem in Chapter 1 because she's scared of hurting his feelings and would rather try other options to avoid direct confrontation; instead, she deals with her concerns by trying to "fix" Kid Math. She trains him and pushes him towards foster care. As long as she feels like she's helping him, she's assuaging both fears: she's proving she's "better" and she's helping him not be worse. Ergo, she "no longer has a problem."

Becky's already on a path that puts her in conflict with Rex, who desires control over his own life and has to deal with her pushing him around until he can't take it any more. Conflict arises when Becky oversteps boundaries and breaks Rex's trust in her. Things get worse when she makes a mistake that sours the city's attitude towards her. Her worst nightmare is coming true: she's "not as good as Kid Math" and people might get hurt without her.

As things keep getting worse for the city and Rex is struggling, it's obvious that she and Kid Math need to team up again. That means repairing their friendship... which she can only do if she proves that she really does trust Rex to do things by himself. Therein lies the pickle...

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Anyway, I really rambled on there, but... Point being, a lot of fun stuff goes in my table docs, and this is the type of outlining I like to do for characters and story plots.

I highly recommend having a table of contents doc for long 'fics. You don't need to bog it down with all your worldbuilding notes (Hopefully you have a separate place you can put those, like a Tumblr blog or other docs), but for things that you know you'll definitely need and are worried you might not be able to find again, I highly recommend keeping them in the table doc.

You shouldn't normally be editing your table doc after you've done your outlining, which means you're less likely to accidentally delete important notes (compared to keeping them in a story doc) and you won't bog your story doc down with stuff you need to scroll past.

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Chapter Docs [1 per chapter]

I have links to all my individual chapter docs (important to me since my chapters are normally 10k+ words... Can't fit everything in one doc or it would be a pain to navigate and take an age to load).

Here are some snippets of my outlines. As you can see, the descriptions I have in my table docs are loose and vague:

This is from Come What May:

Come What May is special because it takes place over just a few days (while my long 'fics span months or even thousands of years). It's based around Kevin's appearances in Fairly OddParents Season 10.

I wanted to share this because even though my notes for "Cold Shadow" are basically nothing, it still gives the info that's actually important for me to know when returning to this project after a hiatus: "Here's exactly what day it is in the timeline. This episodes shows kids turning in a homework assignment on the founding fathers, which means we need to see Kevin doing this homework assignment (or at least acknowledging it) in prior chapters.

Regardless of the weird supernatural stuff Kevin is dealing with in this 'fic, it's still intended to be canon compliant, and I know that's a detail Future Me could easily forget but would want to know. It's like what I said earlier about birthdays and timelines: leave yourself clear notes. You'll never regret having too many notes, especially if you intend to return to a project after a long hiatus.

Origin - I unfortunately scrapped my descriptions for all previous chapters of Origin and Knots so forgive the "spoilers," ha ha

Origin was originally drafted in a single document, which I later split into separate chapter docs. That's why I have notes like "Hawkins hand scene." I know exactly what that's referring to and my table of contents doc helps me remember which chapter it got moved to.

Knots - I wanted to show these to emphasize how vague some of these are:

Even though they're vague, you can get a good sense of the direction the story is going. Outlining doesn't have to be a painful, in-depth process. You can knock out the basics in a single afternoon if you just sit down and do it.

I picked one chapter and opened it at random ("Fox's Folly") and it has 8k words in its draft right now. "Tipping Scales" has 15k. At the time of making this post, Frayed Knots only has 34 chapters posted in public, so we're at least 1 or 2 years away from getting to this point, yet there's already a lot of draft info I can go back to. I've added a lot of bits and pieces to these chapters over the years and sometimes I just open them when I'm in the mood for reading something fun.

Having the documents already set up in advance brings you one step closer to opening them and throwing stuff in them and I highly recommend that.

Factor - These chapter outlines are more detailed (minus the early ones... the first 3 chapters were drafted as 1 chapter originally). If you've actually read Factor thus far, however, you'll notice that the scenes in my outline don't match perfectly with the finally chapters. And that's okay! The outlines are just guidelines and the final chapter can be different:

Lots of screenshots but I feel like my Factor doc is the most authentic look at my outline process (since it's recent while Origin and Knots were outlined like 7 years ago). I use black on my initial draft and red for things I change on a later sweep.

There are little notes to myself and sometimes I switch the order of things around. Also, "Torus" was written from scratch (no outline) since I came up with ideas for it later, and the nice thing is that I felt comfortable doing that without feeling like I'll write myself into a corner or wreck the pacing.

Having a story outline and all these separate docs means I already know where the story is going and I can jump in and write from anywhere in the timeline when the mood strikes. I think having a lot of options on what to write is the best way to fight writer's block, so this system works well for me.

Origin was drafted in 2016 and Knots in 2017. I create new scenes all the time (and scrap others), but a lot of the early story beats are still the same.

That about covers what I do in my outline process :) Thanks for asking and hopefully this was a fun and interesting read!

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stevetown · 2 years ago

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On The New Tumblr Desktop Dash

I've been using the new Tumblr desktop dashboard for a few days now and I have some Thoughts that I thought would be useful to put out in to the wild. Most of the reaction I've seen has been...abnormally harsh about this UI update, so I think it would be interesting to actually go through the changes and point out what I like, what I don't, what I think could use some improvement, and maybe break down a little about why those Twitter comparisons are way off the mark.

More below the fold, but the tldr for me is - I think it's great! At the end of the day, I feel like I use the desktop version of Tumblr more and more since the change. Whereas before I used to just pick up my phone and refresh the app, now I get a hit of dopamine flipping over to the Tumblr tab when I need a work break.

The change is clean and logical, and as someone who came to Tumblr a year ago and still never quite grokked what all the icons at the top meant, having them spelled out is much nicer than guessing what they mean, even for someone who has become more familiar with the site. And to be clear, from what I can tell that's the goal of this change - to make it easier for newer people to use Tumblr and find their way around. Despite all the hate this change is getting, that is an unabashedly good thing.

The Left Nav

It's really, really clean. The old dash had a lot of unused space on the left, it makes sense to carve some of that out to have a menu that actually lays out what each icon means. The font size and style is comfortable without overcrowding. It just feels more...confident? Like these are the features Tumblr has. Use them! It's also just a more familiar web browser experience for anyone who has been using web apps since the dawn of email.

The badges also fit much nicer with the left nav. They don't float above an unclear icon, they're right next to what it says on the tin. You got 20 new posts to read, buddy. 5 new notifications. 1 anon ask. It's just better on my eyes.

I do understand the gut reaction that things are "too" cluttered. One of the first things I did was snooze Tumblr live and that helped me out a lot. Just removing all of the noise of live tags and loading-in thumbnails of people I'm not interested in watching went very far. It brought the post content further up on the screen.

A little before and after snoozing Live:

Explore

I didn't even know what Explore was used for before. It was a compass icon. I think I thought it was some kind of search? I can't remember if I ever clicked on it before. Explore is much more interesting to me. It makes me curious. For a site that struggles with getting new users to find new content, it's a beacon that says "Find some cool new stuff!"

My problem with Explore is that clicking on it...doesn't get me much. The landing page just takes me to a feed from @todayontumblr that almost never has any content that I'm interested in. The "For You" tab on my regular dash is where I go mining for new blogs, along with "Your Tags." If Staff finds this change leads to more Explore click-throughs, I'd love if the tab itself get some love and made it a hub for finding new content easier. Maybe mixing up a feed of any tags you're following, trending posts, and other algorithmically sorted goodies that I'll want to take off the shelf and put in my chronological dash. I want it to be a place with the goal of encouraging me to follow new blogs.

Live

The transition to the Live page doesn't feel good to me. You're taken to a totally different kind of page, and the UI jumps all the way to the left. It feels like you're going to a separate site. At least when you snooze Live it also removes the menu item. That's really nice! But I'll save Live thoughts for another day.

Activity/Messages/Inbox

I never knew how much I suspected these things were a bit redundant, but I'm glad now that they're separated and labeled correctly. I don't have to remember what the face icon/mail/lightning bolt all mean or why they're different. Things are much cleaner in that regard.

I don't really care for the popups when you click on them. Those do feel cluttered to me, like I'm going to lose sight of my dash, or the notifications. I don't have much UX advice here, other than to say I think I prefer how the Inbox is handled, where you're just taken to a full page view of the page. However maybe another solution would be how the Account and Settings icons are conducted...

Account/Settings

This is the section that sold me on the new dash. On the old dash, I found navigating the Account and Settings options...ephemeral. I was afraid I was going to lose my place if I didn't find the menu I needed. Here, having them slide out as a drawer, keeps me in place and lets me orient myself easier. It's made exploring settings overall frictionless. I've changed dash palettes like ten different times just because I could and it was easy to find. Maybe something similar for inbox/messages/activity would make the UI feel more consistent and less overcluttered-feeling?

I do notice that the Account dropdown adds a new scrollbar which makes things like the t logo and badges jump to the left. That can be a bit disorienting.

TumblrMart/Get a Domain

The Get a Domain menu item is fine, but TumblrMart feels like it needs some love. On a new refresh, clicking the icon loads for a total six seconds before the mart pops up. By this point, if I wasn't intentionally testing, I would have just moved on. Again, I also just don't like pop-ups like this. Feels loosey. Much prefer the full-spread domain page you get.

Create

This is maybe my least favorite change. Every time I switch to my Tumblr tab, I see it in the bottom left and think it's the "Where were we?" button. When I do want to create a post, it feels like I have to travel far to get to the button, and then I have to travel again when the dots come up to select what type of post I'm making.

I wonder if just tucking it at the bottom of the menu under "Get a domain" would be better? Or at the top of the menu? Not sure. I feel in my jellies there's a better spot for this one.

On Twitter

If I can address the most frequent criticism I see on this site, which is that @staff are trying hard to "ruin" Tumblr by "turning it into Twitter," I understand that gut reaction.

But I'd encourage folks to think about that for a minute. UIs change, and a left-aligned nav is extremely common for a reason. Since the dawn of email, menu navigation has been relegated to a left sidebar. Twitter is not "burning to the ground" because their nav bar was on the left. Having a left sidebar means literally nothing in the grand scheme of what makes a website what it is.

What, truly, has this nav update changed? It does not change the functionality of the site at its core at all. It doesn't change what you can post, how you can post, what content you find, reblogs, or tags. For a site that struggles with new users "getting" the site and finding their way around, this nav change makes it much easier to settle in with something a bit more ubiquitous to the modern browser-viewing experience.

Thus leading me to believe the only reason people hate on this change so vehemently is they don't want to see new users or any effort at all to attract them at all, and I think that's exclusionary crap. Knock it off.

Change is Scary!

That said, the change is scary! Having your muscle memory interrupted isn't fun and can take a while to get used to. Every change has a growing period. I get that. For me, I got over that period fairly fast, but I recognize this process is different for everyone, especially those who have been around here for a lot longer than I have.

The change is also open for valid criticism. There are usability and likely accessibility concerns for sure. Staff needs time to iterate, and they need to know what problems are actually worth fixing and addressing. "I hate it turn it back" doesn't help anyone - it doesn't help Staff, and it doesn't help new users who are trying find a new place on the internet to call home after *shakes fist at the rest of the internet.*

I really like this change as a starting point, and I can't wait to see it iterated on further.

And on a small end note, if you also have thoughts and opinions that you want to tell Staff, please, please, please remember there are other human beings on the other end of line.

#tumblr #dash #tumblr dashboard #dashboard #I get dispirited when I see prominent blogs reblogging metaphors about sandwich shops and Radio Shack.#They're not being made in good faith.

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junipercreeps · 2 years ago

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🔖Day 12 - On Our Own.

In my room, it was slowly getting dark. The displays of my phone and laptop were the only sources of light.

"It's difficult to talk openly. Can you accept that for now?" my father said as I typed the word Samhain into my browser's search bar on my laptop.

"What your father is trying to say, June... we didn't keep things from you out of malice. There are good reasons for everything. What's important right now is that you find your place. Make choices freely. Learn. We'll see you no later than Samhain, and then we can talk."

I looked at the image search results. Among Halloween pumpkins, monster costumes, and sexy witch outfits, there were stone circles. Campfires. The traditional side of the Celtic festival.

Tears slowly dried on my cheeks. Silent tears shed because the disappointment of my parents not telling me anything for the past nineteen years hurt me deeply. And now, they expected me to understand. To understand that Oxford was now a place where I was meant to learn not just for my studies but for my heritage.

"You didn't mention anything in your letter. Why didn't you warn me? I knew nothing, Mum." I said, looking down at my hands. "You weren't here. None of you were here! They just took us and tied us up. They knew intimate things."

My father sighed and mumbled something I couldn't understand. Of course, my vulnerability bothered him. He had always been rational; emotions unsettled and annoyed him.

"I know, June. I know. Silly dramatic underpinnings. Sometimes it's necessary. Don't let it unsettle you."

"Unsettle?" I asked in disbelief. It was all so frustrating. Didn't they understand how I felt?

"How did your parents tell you back then?" I wanted to know. To have a comparison. Alaric and the others seemed to have grown up with their magic. They had many years to adapt to one another. Many of them had known each other since their childhood through the Kin circle.

And me? I was excluded. Kept secret. I could have had friends. I wouldn't have been so alone in the past few years.

"I always knew. Your father, however, was just like you."

"Really?" I asked and almost wanted to ask if it had overwhelmed him too.

"Yes, June. And as you can see, it didn't harm me. Quite the opposite."

A brief murmur that I didn't understand. Then my father said, "We have to go. You can do this. You're our daughter; you can do anything."

I remembered the day I learned to swim. When my father just let go of me, and I flailed wildly with my arms, submerged in panic. I screamed for him, for the firm grip that had always given me security. But he let me struggle in the water, encouraged me, until his hands finally had to grab me.

I had never entered a pool where I couldn't touch the bottom again. I had never swum again.

"I'm not like you. You should have made more effort and been there for me." I said.

"June, we-"

But I hung up.

It was the first time I had talked back. That had never happened before. I was tired of the secrets. We were a family, and my understanding of it wasn't to walk into an open knife.

I closed my laptop and looked at my phone. Hoping my mother would call, but minutes passed with no contact.

So, I made a decision and messaged Alaric.

Are you awake?

He replied within seconds: It's not even 8 PM. Of course, I'm awake.

Can I come over?

I'm not at Sinister House yet. Shall we meet at Linacre College? I'm nearby.

Okay, I'll head there right away.

The campus felt alive. Music, laughter, and conversations emanated from open windows. My parents' answers still occupied my thoughts. I had planned to tell them about my visions, about Nolan. I wanted to know what awaited me. What did it mean to have magic in my blood?

My thoughts accompanied me to the entrance of Linacre College. As lively as the campus centre was, it felt lonely up here near the Cherwell River. I saw a few joggers from time to time, but otherwise, I waited alone on the stone steps for the remaining minutes before I heard Alaric's footsteps.

"Sorry, have you been waiting long?" he asked as he approached.

I shook my head.

"Is everything okay?" Alaric asked and came closer. Instead of touching me without permission, I reached for his hand.

"Thank you for giving me answers. For not excluding me," I said.

He was silent but lightly squeezed my hand, and then Alaric hugged me.

Being hugged was an indescribable feeling. The warmth and resistance of the body. I closed my eyes and rested my face on his shoulder.

"Did you talk to your parents?" he asked after a while, and I mumbled, "Yes, but they only had excuses."

I briefly recounted how the phone call went, and as we broke the hug and slowly walked toward Sinister House, I also told him about my encounter with Nolan.

"Interesting," Alaric said thoughtfully. I glanced at him from the side.

"Have you experienced something like this before?" I asked, and he nodded. "Occasionally. But my visions often show the future. It must be different for you. Why would Nolan be in danger?"

I didn't know.

But I seemed to know nothing at all.

Arriving at Sinister House, we were luckily not met by Corbin or Ophelia. Instead, we went up to Alaric's apartment and sat on his unmade bed.

Our conversation went on for a long time. So long that I eventually realized I needed to get back to my dorm.

"Thank you for talking with me," I said and stood up. "Thank you for trusting me. It means a lot to me."

He hesitated.

"You mean a lot to me, even though we've just met."

I opened my mouth. His two bedside lamps were on, casting their warm light on him and me.

There was tension in the air. A tension I hadn't known before, but one where you knew what it meant.

"I..." I began my sentence but didn't know how to phrase it. "You?" Alaric whispered. He had come closer. We looked at each other for a while. Our hands touched.

"I don't know much about these things either, Alaric," I finally said. We intertwined our fingers. His ring lightly pressed against my knuckles. "About what things, June?" he asked and kissed the back of my hand. My hairline, and then he lightly lifted my chin.

"These things." was my response.

And then I kissed him.

What I didn't see was that on his bedside table, where his phone lay, the screen lit up. A message was waiting to be read by Alaric until the early hours:

Nolan is out. We're on our own.

#angstober #angstober 2023 #writing challenge #dark academia #inktober #writing prompt #dark aesthetic #writing

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mayssa-m · 12 days ago

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Didn’t update, I will with details, briefly things have gotten all of a sudden good for one day where I felt like talking and felt very relieved that i’ve talked about something that bothered me (which is lack of the bare minimum (explicitly), next day back we were and even worse, same for yesterday, it’s not about finding topics to speak because we have talked about everything, it’s now me even bringing up topics, him taking (used to 2 mins), now 20-30mins if not more to respond, the convo loses its life, i respond on spot then wait for a minimum of 20mins to get a response back even when he’s laying in bed at night with the phone in his hands, doing nothing, last night he was responding late and dry so i js liked message and decided to switch plans where i’m going to not pay attention as much as i used to, i’m not being prioritized like I do, I don’t receive what I give, I’m forcing it, bref, he was dry so i js like the message, and started thinking this is deeper than i might’ve thought, there’s got to be someone, he’s in a different country (his town) where he previously had a life there, so has people he knows and a whole separate life from here, he’s by himself home, there is something, I gave signs and spoke about it three times but one time properly, “spoke about everything” bs, lying, in this case i got to handle things differently to know wsp, i don’t know how i’ll do it but i need to have access just for my peace of mind. Well part 1, I decided to not text him anymore, i use instagram on browser so i cant see messages without being active, so i decided to delete stuff off my phone and get the app which i got by almost 5, i message saying goodnight hes going to sleep at 3:47 i think, and i see the message an hour later thinking he slept but he was awake still, that got me questioning even more, he could be talking to someone else

now it’s a comparison of his behavior then vs now

he used to send good morning right when he wakes up, slowly starting to send later and later, he wakes up before me though, but id get up early at like 7 and see him active half awake and get back to sleep, today i decided to not respond, he texted “Hi” at 5:50pm, all day no talking, now based on what I see, it’s not “if i dont text first i’m not getting a text (from the other person)” now it’s texting me when you’re free/when you remember me, this quote goes “some people would talk to you on their free time, others will free their time to talk to you”, that’s exactly part of my case, him vs me

i’m not being picky, I’m now begging for the bare minimum which is supposed to be found by default in the person, that’s the least you can to someone YOU like and said it yourself, don’t blame it on distance, it’s this way because you decided, i’m not in the wrong, and if i was i wouldve admitted it and fixed the mistake, but i took a lot of time to reflect and realize the bare minimum isn’t even present in the first place

I will not respond to the text as i know what’s happening next, asking wyd, and a dry convo per usual where i wouldnt seem like im bothered by anything, also him noticing somethings wrong aint my goal, as no matter what you’ll squeeze out of him he wouldnt admit, or even if he did it would be lie, or a small detail (1% of whats actually going on) and leave you in the vague and would probably send proof after deleting convos

not not responding to his text to act hard to get, but because he clearly wants some space and has more important things to do, and i’m not important as i make him, I’m clearly bothering you so do your thing and leave me alone

there is something and i know that for sure

More details are below about what i sent him, but for now im not texting back just because the conversation would lead to nothing, and i’m not going to pretend to be satisfied by his behavior, still a boy, definitely lacking so much maturity compared to the way i pictured him at first, i need to know what’s up, but i need to do it in a smart way, i dont know what to do now,

i’ll update

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altcontrollerproject · 5 months ago

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How does my game compare to other virtual tabletops?

This is some reflective feedback that I can combine with my playtesting to find areas where my VTT (virtual tabletop) is strong, and areas where it could use improvement or where I've noticeably strayed from the norm and try to find out why.

Tabletop Simulator:

These videos showcase how a DM might use Tabletop Simulator to run a game of D&D, featuring both visuals and functionality:

youtube

The first thing that stands out to me here is the ambience. The ability to add fog, rain and/or snow to the table is really cool and adds some immersion to the environments a DM could create.

The ability to play music is incredible as well. This would be more effective than the music player I currently use in my own virtual sessions which is the discord bot Jockie Music. The output isn't high quality, and being able to stream audio straight from the game would be much better. So those are both features I would really like in my own game.

I also like the practicality of the visible and modular initiative order. It's simple and functional, so I would likely go with a similar approach if I'm able to add one to my game. The way it shows AOE attacks with physical pins is also cool, but I think I'd rather have them be things you could summon to the mouse cursor instead of having them linger. It's definitely something I want to add, though.

One thing that I think my VTT does better than Tabletop Simulator is how you alter the grid in the middle. The 2nd video shows that there isn't really a way to, and instead you have to overlay another premade grid. While this works, I plan for my VTT to have a similar system (image uploading) alongside with more fine-tuned customization via individual tile customization.

So compared to Tabletop Simulator, I think my VTT is missing some quality of life features that really make a VTT worthwhile and helpful so that's what I should focus on adding. I can also see how mine is unique in it's grid customization so that's nice as well.

Roll20, Foundry Tabletop, D&D Beyond, and similar subscriptions:

I'm grouping these together because my opinions on them are all largely the same.

While some do seem to have really incredible features that I can take inspiration from, like D&D Beyond's environment looks incredible, and the functionality they have is far beyond what my game has at the moment- it's basically an entirely new game- they all have one major flaw, their subscriptions:

I'm a firm believer that a service like this, and most subscriptions in general, should instead be a one-time purchasable license. Additionally, the different 'tiers' of subscription creates unease in me as a consumer because that requires me to do my own research to find out what I actually want to buy, and I potentially run the risk of paying too much for unnecessary things, or too little and not getting what I need out of the service.

So, this is less of comparison between these VTT and my game and more of a statement that I would not got down the same route as these if I were to market my game.

#Youtube

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fluffy-critter · 1 year ago

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#crosspost #busybee

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jodilin65 · 1 year ago

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I definitely don’t have as much energy as I had yesterday. I’m not horribly tired, but I’m tired. Again I got the same 83 sleep score. Slept a little less than 8 hours this time, but there was one huge spike in my oxygen level and I do remember my nose was stuffy for a minute there, and I also got up to pee and had a bit of trouble falling back to sleep. So I don’t know if there’s a connection or not.

Obviously, the vitamins aren’t helping. I looked and found I had 19 days in March that I was either tired or exhausted, and only 12 good days so that sucks. That’s way too much! Even a third of the month would be too much. A quarter of the month is kind of borderline, but 19 days is way too much because you’re talking more than half of the month and it’s like, come on already!

But after doing some serious reflecting, no doctor has ever really helped me. The silicone stuff isn’t helping. I didn’t think it would. I still wonder if it’s worth running to the GYN because no one ever seems to help solve my problems. For years, no one helped me with the anxiety that I had, and no one has helped with the fatigue. So why would anyone be able to help me with the burning down there? I really think that unless they’re missing something, the next step would be for her to recommend estrogen-based treatment and unless it was in pill form or something I could put on my fingertip, I wouldn’t be able to use the stuff. Then there would be the side effects.

Someone was blasting music earlier. I could just make out the faint beat of it in the bedroom. So I stuck an ear out the door and there was definitely music going, but I couldn’t say if it was outside the park or not. It’s one of those things where it could have been loud but far away or softer and closer. There were no lights on next door and I doubt it was the party girl or the honker.

Speaking of the honker, he shared a post about where he was eating by the river, so I said that it looked like a nice place and to have a safe trip home. Then someone else asked him when he was leaving because they wanted to get together one more time with him. I was hoping he would answer but if he did, he did it in a private message.

On Facebook, you can list yourself as going to an event or interested in an event, and he’s interested in a motorcycle expo on April 20th. So he’s likely to be here until at least mid-April and maybe even May.

Okay, now onto a couple of mysteries. Let’s start with someone I thought was following me that I now don’t know if they are. I thought that one of my New York visitors who’s listed as being in Newark was them. Whenever I clicked through to their location, even though geo-tracking is a joke and is usually 10 or more miles off, it always took me to upstate New York where I thought they lived. It puts me in the middle of a canal above Finger Lakes, actually. But then when I was looking at a map at something else, I saw that Newark is actually in the southern part of the state. I don’t remember it ever saying one town while giving me a totally different location on the map like that. Usually, the town it says they’re in is the town that’s going to come up when you run the IP, so I don’t know where they really are or if it’s who I thought it was or not.

The next mystery of the night is actually something that happened in 2013, way back when you could get anonymous comments on my-diary. I got slammed with all kinds of criticism then since apparently, the only way people feel they can really speak their minds is if they can do it anonymously. It was kind of funny and I actually got a kick out of some of the shit I would get back then. I was sorry the day that option went away. You can still comment anonymously on Blogger but that site is dead in comparison and people know Google tracks. They don’t seem to know how to disable tracking or that they can go through browsers like Tor if they want to hide. If I don’t want someone to know I’ve been around, I use Tor.

So, anyway, back then I think I had more than one person trolling me. There was a person who had an empty account who loved to critique me for being a complainer, and I am. I’ve always been very vocal and very blunt. If something goes well, I say so. If something goes bad, I say so. That much is true.

But then there was somebody who used a fake email address. You didn’t have to have an account to comment. It required an email address but as long as the end of it made sense, you could plug in whatever name you wanted.

I got comments about waiting for my dead parents’ money to buy a place and all this literature sent to me about narcissists and psychopaths. One of their little tutorials talked about how narcissistic psychopaths trick people into forgiving them so they can manipulate them again and how they believe their lies and live those lies.

I looked back and read through their messages again because sometimes, after time goes by, you see things from a different perspective. I first thought Maliheh only befriended me long enough to get me to keep her name out of my book before she ghosted me but when I later looked back on it, I came to suspect that the real reason she ghosted me was because she didn’t like that I liked her. Only she knows, though.

Being the curious person I am, I’ve always wondered who sent those messages. I studied the wording, the writing, the style of writing, and the content. There are so many names that come to mind because there are so many people who could have had that link to that diary that knew me because I was much more open about sharing with people I actually knew back then. Nowadays I try to keep an unbiased audience who don’t really know me personally.

The first name that came to mind when looking at it from a modern-day perspective was Andy. I apologized for dumping him the first time. So there’s the forgiveness aspect. Also, he’s a very paranoid individual who thinks everybody is always lying about everything. So there’s the lying part. Hell, he thought I was lying about my sleep disorder. If anything, I’ve been too honest throughout my adult life. No one has any power over me or a hold on me of any kind and therefore I don’t have to worry about not being truthful. I would rather not say anything at all than lie.

He sometimes also complained when I complained. I was told on Ask around this time that I seemed like a very negative person and was there anything that made me truly happy? Well, this totally smacks of him, even though he can be pretty negative as well.

What doesn’t smack of Andy were some of the comments defending my parents. Andy always knew how fucked up my mother was and he never took her side. Ever.

Whoever it was seemed to know me personally, possessed a deep-seated hatred of me, and desperately wanted to hide their identity. No one ever came out later on and told me it was them, so they never wanted me to know who they were.

It was too well written for termite Tammy and her bratty brood unless they changed their writing style to throw me off their scent. I doubt it, though. They weren’t that smart.

Kim and Molly wouldn’t have been nearly that intelligent to write and send articles written by doctors but I wondered about Molly’s mother.

It could even have been Aly playing some kind of strange joke on me. The possibilities are endless. But I’ll never know who it really was…just like they never wanted me to.

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nemesis-is-my-middle-name · 1 year ago

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#this but also not just more tents/supply caches (which definitely they should have realistically imo!)#but like. even if they can't farm I cannot see them not having like. a mareep herd or similar. for wool and milk and meat#my headcanon has given the stantler herd to diamond but like. reindeer herders are fucking amazing. and imo a good comparison to what I imagine the clans - or at least pearl at the minimum - to survive on#you aren't Hunting Gathering (or at least the latter) enough to subsist anywhere near the people that would be there#in the *FUCKING ICELANDS*#(again. In the ice snow freezing temperatures 24/7/365 environment that is the. i repeat. the FUCKING ICELANDS)#aw fuck tags got out of order again. damn it fucking hellsite LET ME REORGANIZE TAGS ON MOBILE BROWSER 😭#hopefully the various lines make sense out of order because I can't fix them. rip. (via @answrs

ok actually actually. ok mareep herd has been rotating in my mind since you said it. but i think there is actually a case to be made that they canonically herd piloswine?

-ok the thing i am basing this wholly and entirely off of, but i DO think it's strong evidence, is that there's two piloswine and a swinub in the back of the pearl settlement that are npc pokemon (as in, cannot be battled, can be talked to.) which in pla language generally implies they're tame. but they're chilling outside, being watched over by two pearl clan members, humi and toparch. and one can imagine that if there are more tents that are just not modeled, there might also be more to that herd that isn't modeled?

and if they farm those for milk and then fell like, a couple piloswine and/or one mamoswine a season or what have you for meat and fur/leather (those shits are huge i imagine they would last you a while) (+piloswine fur is already noted to be insanely long, they could probably trim some of that and not lose too much in heat, esp. in the warmer seasons?), that would maybe go a ways towards explaining how they survive out there. + they also comment that they're trading with the ginkgo guild for a fuckton of stuff but like, with what products. hello. but if they're herding piloswine i imagine their excess milk and fur/leather products WOULD actually be pretty valuable for the guild to take back to warmer regions. like, those could be rare and valuable goods.

...however mareep herd is perhaps the better canon explanation for what the fuck are your white clothes made out of

anyway it seems so cruel to have these people who worship space in all its forms and they're all confined to these tiny cabins sharing 4-6 to a spot. surely there are meant to be more somewhere that just aren't modeled ingame

#the nemesis speaks #pla analysis #anyway entirely unrelated i put your imagine back together. hope thats ok #...sorry that was just a huge rant ive just. it has been on my mind #it's true!! WHAT ARE YOU EATING. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING #canon seems to have it in its head that they're totally hunter gatherers but like... (x) doubt #i think you could also argue there's evidence that they do sort of like. naturally aided farming? cultivation?#-since like. the sand radishes have clearly been selectively bred for hardiness #and you've got these crazy fruiting berry trees #diamond stantler herd is really interesting tho im Looking #anyway i think it's also weird that there's zero tame sneasel in the pearl settlement. look there's a lil gang of em right outside #why arent you friends.

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snuggetfish · 4 years ago

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Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think we ever see Majima interacting with modern technology or even struggle with it. I know he didn’t go to prison for years and emerge into a drastically different world like Kiryu and Ichiban, but I wonder what he thinks of modern technology. I could see him possibly struggling with it, or not even bothering to stay up to date on it. Idk, it’s just an interesting though to me lol

Yes, I’ve thought about this a lot too! Especially with how much the series likes to poke fun at the “old guys” for being clumsy with tech. Looking, at you, Taiga “Seedy Rawm” Saejima... 😂 You make a good point, though. All of these dudes - Kiryu, Ichiban, Saejima - have spent decades in prison. It makes sense that they’d be behind on the latest gadgets and I think once you’re behind, it’s easy to keep coasting on an inertia of sorts. “Why learn when I can keep doing it like I’ve always done it?” Don’t fix what ain’t broke.

So on the scale of tech skills, I would say Saejima is tech illiterate, Ichiban and Kiryu are somewhat literate, in that they’ve been taught to use specific devices and/or sites (smartphones for Ichiban, blogs for Kiryu) but are lost when it comes to anything else. And Majima... I wanna say Majima is tech literate, but not always tech savvy.

If I had to sum up how I see his attitude to technology, it’s: inquisitive, but impatient. He’s a curious guy by nature, evident in how he was eager to try that guy’s “cutting edge” bag phone in Y0 and how later on Goromi mentions she’s done a bit of everything throughout life, including “in-game gold farming”.

Majima will happily give anything a try if it piques his interest and I believe this would extend also to cool new gadgets. For instance, if he spots one of the younger family members showing off their smartwatch, he’ll confiscate it for an afternoon to poke at it and pester Nishida with questions about every button whose purpose he can’t immediately discern. Also, given he boasted that Majima Construction would build Kamurocho Hills by looking it up on the Internet, I think he’s at least aware of search engines, forums and online guides. Even if he somewhat overestimates the usefulness of the info they provide hah.

As with most things, were he to put some proper effort in, he could get the hang of just about any device, however... he gets bored easily and dislikes fiddly stuff. If it’s got lots of tiny parts and needs more than than 10 minutes and 2 steps, Majima’s not doing it. In Dead Souls he tells Saaya he even finds texting a pain in the ass:

So I think he would only really master simple tech that serves his whims. He spots an ad about a fancy new tracking device, with a big screen and all the bells and whistles? He’s sold. Kiryu-chan better watch out from now on, because he’s not escaping his ambushes any more. He hears a pitch on smart TVs? Nishida’s gonna be hauling one into his apartment the very next day, together with a huge zombie movie collection on Blu-ray.

In a nutshell, Majima’s perfectly capable of adapting to a modern world, but for the most part he’s just too busy or too plain disinterested to adopt every new invention that comes along. And, for things like photos or important messages, his sentimental side wins out. Don’t tell anyone, but he’d prefer to have those in physical form, printed out or handwritten 💙

Ok in closing let me do another comparison between the guys because I had too much fun picturing these:

Saejima is the guy who’s got 5 malware toolbars installed on his browser, all because he misclicked and didn’t even realize what he was doing. He’s also got at least 3 different facebook accounts because he keeps landing on the “sign up” instead of the log in page. Also his taskbar is either on the right or on top of the screen because, again, he dragged it there by accident.

Kiryu is the guy who’s got 10 malware toolbars installed, plus some cursors, because he purposefully downloaded them. He “thought they were cool”. Haruka has to come purge them every 6 months. He’s got one facebook account, whose password he keeps on a sticky note on his computer. He uses it mostly to post dad angle selfies and comment on every single one of Haruka’s posts.

Ichiban is mostly the same, just that his PC is a shrine to his friends. He’s got them as his desktop background and he makes sure to leave one of those sparkly “Hope you have a blessed morning” gifs on their profiles every day.

Majima is the guy whose computer is as barebones as it gets. No personalization, just a folder thrown haphazardly on the desktop, with meeting notes taken by Nishida during the family’s usual “crazy scheme brainstorming sessions”. He gets the occasional moaning porn pop-up because... well, because he’s got a questionable browsing history. Says he doesn’t use facebook, but in fact does have an anonymous account to stalk the people he knows. And when he’s really, really bored, he’ll watch a baseball stream and leave heckling comments like “man, I coulda farted that ball straighter than ya hit it”

#anon asks #yakuza #majima goro #goro majima #snugasks

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theladyofdeath · 5 years ago

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The Ranch {1}

An A Court of Thorns and Roses, Nesta x Cassian, Modern AU, fanfiction.

Collaboration: @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty x @tacmc

Summary: Nesta had spent years in Paris, living her dream and drowning in riches as a gourmet chef, capturing the hearts of the city and its people. But, after her father passes away unexpectedly and leaves his cozy, countryside B&B to his oldest daughter, Nesta is moving back home to the tiny town of Velaris, where the ranch, her sisters, and her father’s unfulfilled dream, awaits.

Sidenote: Being posted between two blogs, it is too chaotic to keep up with a tags list, so all chapters will be tagged with “#TheRanchNessian” & “#SharaCollab”.

A/N: Shelby and I have been writing this for MONTHS and we are so excited to start sharing it with you all! As always, let us know what you think, and enjoy. :) We will be going back & forth posting chapters, so look for chapter 2 on her blog!

The Ranch Masterlist

Nesta knew absolutely nothing about ranching.

Even worse, she felt absolutely nothing as she got out of her little red car and stepped onto the dirt path that led to the house.

She had grown up on this ranch, had run around and had adventures with her sisters in these pastures. Yet, as she took in everything she had inherited, she felt nothing.

She hadn’t been to the ranch in years, not since her mother died when she was eighteen. Now, almost a decade later, it was all foreign. It used to look so lively and magical during her childhood, but now it was nothing more than an old, big house built upon a huge chunk of land full of cattle.

Nesta hated cows. They smelled horrible.

She started walking up the path to her childhood home, when she saw the faded, peeling sign in the yard.

Belles & Blossoms Bed and Breakfast

The restraint Nesta used not to roll her eyes was only thanks to the fact that she was well-rested from her stay in Velaris’ newest hotel, the Manor House. The five-star hotel was supposed to be a hotel and spa, but it was more of a resort than anything. After her flight had landed, she had treated herself to a nice dinner and a massage and facial. The stress of knowing she had to come here had been wreaking havoc on her nerves and the special treatment was exactly what she needed.

But now that she was here, now that she was standing in front of the place she’d fought so hard to get out of, she wanted to turn around and check back into her room. Instead, she walked up the stairs, swiped the key from the underside of the rocking chair - where it had always been - and let herself into the house.

The first thing she noticed was the heat. There was a definite breeze coming from the vents, but the air was by no means cool. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hoping this was not going to be an indication of how this all would go.

It looked exactly like she remembered, not a single thing having changed. The leather furniture was still prominently featured in every room, the rodeo memorabilia hanging on every wall. She sighed as she walked into the kitchen and to the sink, gazing out the window. She could see the house her father had built on the property a few years back. It had stayed mostly empty, as her father had opted to still live in the old farmhouse.

She would not though, she would move into the modern house on the back of the property, close enough to still be there for her guests, but far enough that she could have privacy if it was ever needed.

Nesta didn’t anticipate it would though.

Her own sisters didn’t even know she was back in town. It had been years since she’d spoken to Feyre and Elain and her texted occasionally, but Nesta knew nothing of their personal lives and they knew none of hers.

Nesta hadn’t even come to her own father’s funeral.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to. But she couldn’t.

Quickly, she made her way through the rest of the house, cataloging what she saw in her head and already thinking about what changes she would make. When she got to her old bedroom, she paused, lingering in the doorway as she took in how it was the only room in the house that didn’t match the style of the rest.

No, Nesta had never cared for the rodeo lifestyle her father grew up in. Her sisters tolerated it, but just like her mother, Nesta couldn’t stand it.

The walls were still the deep grey she’d painted them, covering up the awful wallpaper featuring ropes and steers. The furniture was elegant and simply stated, dark wood with sleek lines.

There were no blinds on the windows, leaving the view down to the river uninhibited.

Nesta smiled, feeling a bit of pride as she took in how good her room looked in comparison to the rest of the house. She also let out a breath of relief as she realized it was one less room she’d have to redecorate.

She would do the rest later. Being back was beginning to take its toll. Nesta hurried back out the front door and hopped in her car, driving it further down the old dirt road. Nesta used to love the scenery. There were trees scattered across the landscape, trees that Nesta used to sit underneath in the spring and summer and read her books. Her father used to ask her to help out around the ranch, but Nesta was never interested in ranching. Her sisters helped him, always, and that seemed to be good enough for him.

Nesta pulled up to the little house her father had built and turned off her car. For a moment, she just sat in the quiet, staring at the little house.

It was cute, even on the outside. There was a little porch with one old rocking chair. The door had been painted red, and Nesta smiled, remembering it was her mother’s favorite color.

Once she got out, she opened the trunk and pulled out her bags. Much like the main house, the key was underneath the rocking chair. She let herself in and froze.

It was practically empty.

Her father really hadn’t spent much time in there. But why would he? He loved the main house, loved interacting with the guests that would stay there once he turned it into a bed and breakfast.

Besides, it was the home they had lived in as a family. As much as Nesta wanted to get away from the ranch, her father had always taken pride in his family.

Nesta included.

Which was why he left the ranch for his firstborn, she assumed.

Nesta walked through the empty living room and into the back bedroom, where a simple, bare, full-sized bed sat opposite of a wooden dresser. Other than that, a mirror hung on the wall as the single piece of decor.

Nesta tossed her bags on the mattress before finding her way into the bathroom. There was a shower with no curtain, a sink with no soap, and a toilet with no toilet paper.

At least the place was decently clean.

After rummaging through her bag and changing into jean shorts and a t-shirt, Nesta found herself in the kitchen, finding it - shockingly - empty before making a serious mental note to go to the store before the day was over. Sheets, soap, shower curtain, shampoo, food…

She needed it all.

Before she could feel even more overwhelmed, she found herself on the front porch and breathed in the fresh air. It was then that she noticed the little log cabin sitting on the other side of the dirt road.

There had been a ranch hand, hired by her father, when Nesta was little that used to live in that cabin. She couldn’t remember his name, but she remembered his smile. He was a kind, older man who had passed away before Nesta turned ten.

Promising she’d revamp the little log cabin after taking on the main house, she slipped on her tennis shoes and walked back up the dirt road.

She could hear the cows in the distant field and supposed she would have to hire a new ranch hand if she were to keep the ranch going. She sure as hell didn’t know what to do.

Jogging up the stairs, Nesta let herself back in and paused in the entryway, trying to decide what her plan of attack should be. She could clean first, but then when she decided what should stay or go, she’ll just discover more dirt and dust. Or she could start a throwaway pile, but that would definitely stir up the dust.

Nesta groaned and dropped her head in her hands. When she’d first gotten the phone call from her father’s lawyer, letting her know that he’d left the B&B to her, she didn’t even want it. She started looking into what she needed to do and how much she could sell it for, house, land, and business. It had been a decade since she left and she hadn’t looked back once. Why would she now?

She’d found early success in the culinary arts. She studied in Miami, New York, Paris, Rome. She traveled the world. Her father couldn’t really expect her to give all that up, to give up her life, to come back to the town she grew up in, and run the bed and breakfast he started after she got out.

But he did. He trusted her with his dream and with his ranch.

And so she found herself back in Velaris, in the middle of summer, in a house with limited air conditioning, scrubbing the antique baseboards on her hands and knees. After she’d completed the living room, the molding a wholly different color than when she started, she stood and wiped the sweat from her forehead. She fanned herself and looked at her watch.

Only 10:45 in the morning and it was already pushing 85° outside. Nesta quickly realized she’d need to get someone out to work on the air conditioning unit as quickly as possible, and went to the kitchen to grab a bottled water from the fridge.

As she walked through the house, she quickly opened up her browser and looked up a number for a local company that could hopefully get to her quickly. She found one that could work on HVAC and plumbing, and decided to have a once overdone on the entire house. She selected the number and hit send, putting the phone to her ear and opening the fridge.

Nesta hung up the phone, slammed the fridge shut and gagged all in the same second.

Apparently, in the past four weeks, the fridge had gone out. Everything inside had gone bad and though she was used to working in a kitchen, she had never smelled anything so foul in her life.

Nesta has already planned on replacing the fridge, and every other appliance, in the outdated kitchen, so she wasn’t too upset. Just frustrated that would have to be handled so soon. She put the phone down on the counter and tied her hair back in a ponytail.

Air conditioner would have to wait. This fridge had to go.

She sized the thing up, eyeing it from top to bottom. Maybe there was a dolly out in the shed she could use to push it out the back door. It was smaller than an average refrigerator, after all. What could go wrong?

She reached back behind it to make sure everything was unplugged. Then, she slowly took everything out one by one, tossing it a giant black garbage bag she had found in the cabinet.

Nesta was so focused on what she was doing, she didn’t hear the back door open and shut.

“There’s a six pack in there. Hopefully you didn’t throw that out, too.”

Nesta jumped, nearly hitting her head on the open freezer door. “Fuck!” She turned around, and froze. “Who the hell are you?”

He stood there, hair loose around his shoulders, sweat gleaming across his bare, inked chest. He had on filthy boots, covered in the gods knew what, as he stepped into the kitchen.

“I’m wondering the same thing.” The man leaned his hip against the counter that ended at the back door. “Can I help you with something?”

Nesta just blinked, staring at the man, trying to decide if her day could get any more strange. “You can help by getting the hell out before I call the police.” She grabbed her phone, hoping that he knew she was serious. “Have you ever heard of knocking? Trespassing? Or do you always just let yourself into random womens’ back doors?”

The man didn’t try to hide his gaze as he let it drag down her body and settled it on her ass. “Hmm.” He crossed his arms and focused his attention back on her face. “Usually, I like to have dinner with a woman before I ask her to let me in her back door, but I guess if you want to be so direct about it.”

Nesta’s mouth dropped open and she unlocked her phone, giving it her attention. “I’m calling the police.”

“Good,” the man said, pulling a kitchen chair out from the table and sitting down. “I can’t wait for them to get here and arrest your ass.”

Her finger froze where it hovered over the green button. “Me? Arrest me?” She started to laugh.

“Sweetheart, I don’t know what you think is so funny, but I’ve been here every single day for the last eight years, I’ve never seen you in this house once.” He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees. “Now, I’ll ask one more time. Can I help you with something?”

Every single day for the last eight years.

“My name is Nesta,” she said, standing a little straighter. “I’m Isaac Archeron’s daughter.”

The man only stared at her, blinking every couple of seconds. “I’m sorry, you said that you were Nesta?”

She nodded.

“You’re kidding me,” he chuckled, standing up. “He left it to you? Really?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Why is that so surprising?”

“Because I’ve met Isaac’s daughters. You know, the ones that have been in his life in the last decade.” He walked toward her and reached past her shoulder to one of the beers that sat in the door of the fridge. He popped it open and took a long, slow drink before saying, “You weren’t one of them.”

He didn’t move from where he stood less than a foot in front of her. He was massive, but Nesta didn’t cower from his size, although it took everything in her to look up and meet his humored gaze instead of staring straight ahead at his chest.

“Now that you know who I am, I suggest you tell me who you are,” was all she said, not giving him the satisfaction of a response to his jab.

He grinned, taking another drink before introducing himself. “Cassian. I’ve worked for your dad for-.”

“Eight years, yeah, I got that,” Nesta interrupted. “You take care of the herd?”

He nodded. “And nearly everything else. Used to work alongside Isaac, but did everything pretty much myself once he took a turn for the worse.”

Took a turn for the worse.

Nesta tried to pretend like the words hadn’t punched her in the gut.

“I see. And do you live here?” Nesta asked, gesturing to the house around them. “If so, you’ve done a shitty job keeping the place up.”

“No,” he said, finally turning his back to her to resume his spot in his chair. “I live in the old log cabin. This house has been neglected for the most part since your dad took-“

“A turn for the worse?” Nesta finished for him. “Yeah, got it.”

“Do you like to finish people’s sentences?” He asked, brow raised. “I’m sensing a theme.”

Nesta ignored him, closing her eyes and sighing. “I’m not sure what my father was paying you but-.”

“He wasn’t,” Cassian interrupted, taking a page from her own book and cutting her off. He finished what was left of the warm beer and threw it across the kitchen into the trash can. It went in with precise accuracy. “What I mean is, he hasn’t been. We came to an agreement at the end of my third summer here, when money was getting tighter. He knew he couldn’t run this place without a ranch hand, but he couldn’t afford to pay me. So he gave me the cabin, signed it over to me. Deed is in my name,” he said, seeing the look on Nesta’s face. “All of my utilities are covered by the B&B. I don’t pay a dime for that house. In return, I do whatever needs to be done on these twenty acres.”

Nesta stared at him, trying to decide if the man - Cassian, he’d said - was trying to deceive her or if he was being genuine. She may not know him, but when it came down to it, she knew her father, and she knew that letting him live for free on their family land is exactly something he would do. “How do you make money then? How do you afford to eat and buy clothes and other necessities?”

“I have other ways to make money, don’t worry about that,” he said, standing and brushing dried mud off of his jeans. He didn’t give her much more time to ask questions as he stood and headed for the door. “I’ll come by and fix the AC later on this afternoon. I have to go into town for feed so I’ll pick up the part I need then.” He was out the back door and his heavy boots were clomping down the wooden stairs.

Nesta ran after him, flinging the door open. “You knew the air conditioning was out? Why haven’t you fixed it already?”

Cassian turned around and looked at her. “I just told you that I don’t technically get paid for the work that I do. My boss, your father, was the one who paid the bills here. It’s been over four weeks since the electric bill was paid and I was trying to keep this place up and running as long as I could with what little money I had saved.” As he passed through the gate that led out to the pasture and the horse stalls, he grabbed a sweat-soaked t-shirt that was draped over the fence and tossed it over his shoulder. He continued to walk backward as he finished explaining himself. “I knew we weren’t going to have many guests in the B&B any time soon and decided that feeding the living creatures that live here was more important than cooling the empty house.”

Nesta watched him walk away. Once he disappeared into the shed, she turned around and went back inside.

Every ounce of anger and frustration had left her. Suddenly, she was feeling empty. Cassian had spent the last eight years with her father, her sisters, working this land and making a home here.

She shook the thoughts away as she tossed the rest of his warm beer cans into her garbage bag.

_____________________________

Nesta had decided to commit the rest of her day to making the little house she now occupied feel a little more homey. She’d gone to the store to pick up a few decor items and some food, along with sheets and a shower curtain.

However, when she pulled back into the driveway, a silver truck was pulled up in front of the main house.

Elain was sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch.

Nesta couldn’t help but smile as she got out. She hadn’t even reached the steps before Elain was running into her arms.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming!” She said, holding her older sister tight. “Cassian texted me.”

“Ah, the rude cow wrangler,” Nesta muttered. “Joy.”

“He’s great,” Elain said, smile fading.

Nesta cleared her throat. “Sorry I didn't let you know I was coming. It…all happened so fast.”

Elain shook her head. “I’m just glad you’re here. Gods, I missed you.”

There was a time when she and Elain had been really close. Leaving her was much harder than leaving Feyre and Isaac. But, Elain was destined to stay in Velaris forever, and Nesta didn’t want that.

Yet, she managed to end up in the damn town, anyway.

Elain got in the passenger seat of Nesta’s car and they headed down to the new house. Nesta began pulling the bags out of her back seat and Elain, helping her carry them up the porch stairs, asked what all she’d bought.

“Everything,” Nesta laughed, pausing to unlock the door, but finding it already open. “Dad didn’t have anything in here, so I figured I’d at least-.”

Nesta froze as she stepped through the threshold, the bags falling to the floor. There was something that sounded far too similar to glass breaking for Elain’s liking, but Nesta didn’t seem to notice as she breathed, “Where did all of this come from?”

Where there had only been open space earlier, there was now furniture. A couch and entertainment center took up the living room area, and a small breakfast nook now sat in the corner by the kitchen.

“It was mine before I moved in with Azriel,” Elain said, an amused lilt to her voice. “Why do you think I’m in his truck?”

“Elain, I can’t- this is-.” She stopped and swallowed hard, turning to look at her sister. “Thank you.”

Elain just smiled. “It was in storage. I’d rather you be using it than gathering dust in our garage.”

Nesta nodded, slowly, unsure of what to say. “So… Still with Azriel, huh? Moved in together?”

“Yeah, I think he’s going to propose soon,” Elain said, brown eyes lighting up with pure adoration. “I can’t wait.”

“That’s great,” Nesta said, and she meant it, although it didn’t sound like it. She was still in shock. Overwhelmed. She was so incredibly overwhelmed.

“I told Feyre you’re here,” Elain said, sitting on the couch in the little living room. “She said she’ll try to stop by soon.”

Nesta knew it was a lie, but she forced herself to smile. “Great.”

Her and Feyre hadn’t talked since she left. Nesta was eighteen. Feyre was only fifteen, and she refused to understand how Nesta could just take off after they’d just lost their mother.

And Nesta had never attempted to explain her reasoning to her youngest sister.

To anyone.

“So,” Elain began, once the silence became too much. “What plans do you have for this place? Dad, obviously, thought you could bring it back to life. You’ve always had an eye for such things.”

Nesta snorted. “We both know that’s not true. Dad only left this place to me because I’m the oldest. And why don’t you ask me the question you really want to ask?”

Elain attempted to look confused, but failed.

“Don’t bullshit me,” Nesta chuckled. “And don’t worry. No, I’m not selling it. I thought about it. But…” Nesta shrugged. “Dad trusted me enough, for some damn reason, to leave it to me. And we grew up here. I know you all think I’m a heartless bitch, but I’m not that heartless.”

“We don’t think you’re a heartless bitch…” Elain trailed off.

“Just a bitch?” Nesta laughed, sitting next to her and propping her feet up on the small coffee table.

“Shut up,” Elain said, bumping her with her shoulder. Nesta gently shoved her back and Elain laughed, resting her head on her sister’s shoulder. Nesta leaned her own head atop her sister’s. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, Lainy.” Nesta smiled. Using the old childhood nickname Elain had hated felt too easy and when she heard her sister groan, she knew she’d hit her mark.

Elain stood. “I should go. I told Az I was running the stuff over here and then I’d be back home. That was almost two hours ago.”

“You did this all by yourself?” Nesta was shocked looking at the furniture around her. It was nice, a good, sturdy quality. It wasn’t cheap by any means, and thanks to that, it didn’t seem light. Nesta imagined her gentle sweet sister trying to get the couch she currently sat on through the door by herself.

Elain laughed and said, “Cauldron, no! I can barely lift the coffee table by myself. Cassian helped me.”

“Cassian?” Nesta lifted a brow.

“Yeah, the rude cow wrangler, remember?”

Nesta scoffed. “No, I know his name, it’s just…” That was nice of him. Was his shirt still off? “Why didn’t Azriel come to help?”

“He’s at work. Just started a new job in town at the dealership. Mechanic. Works on the tractors and whatnot.”

Nesta didn’t know much about Azriel, only what Elain had told her of him. Although, if she remembered right, they all went to the same high school.

She didn’t care, though. All she cared about is that this Azriel treated her sweet Elain the way she deserved to be treated, and judging by the light in her eyes when she spoke of him, she knew that he was.

“He said you two got off to kind of a rough start,” Elain said, stopping just in front of the front door.

“Azriel?” Nesta asked, genuinely confused.

Elain giggled. “No, Cassian. He really is a good guy, okay? Give him the benefit of the doubt, I know you don’t trust people easily. But dad trusted him with everything and he’s been around for a while. He’s the best ranch hand you’re going to get for this place. He loves it like it's his own.”

Nesta just huffed.

“Anyway,” Elain went on, showing herself out. “How about we all get together for dinner tomorrow night? We can go anywhere, your choice.”

“Who is all?”

Elain shrugged. “Me and Azriel? I’ll see if Feyre wants to come. Maybe even ask Cassian-.”

“I don’t think-.”

“I’m glad you’re back,” Elain said, smile bright, cutting off her sister’s protests.

With that, Nesta watched as her sister walked back up the dirt road toward the main house.

Huffing out a breath, Nesta turned and looked at her new home. It wasn’t much, just a bedroom and a couch and a bathroom, but it was home. She’d make it hers.

Just like the main house and just like the bed and breakfast. She’d make them something she could be proud of.

And so, as the sun went down, Nesta got to work.

#TheRanchNessian #SharaCollab #nessian #fanfic #fanfiction #modern au #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #nesta #cassian

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