#scrap is making me think abt things...

[autisticcarrie]

maybe dr party is an esper...

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 99

i have NEARLY finished the skirt for my ren faire fit i just gotta get a few finishing details added and also get the undershirt bleached (bc i got a bunch of makeup on it at last years fair and shit Stained) but THEN i can show yall the final fit!!

[becauseplot]

Penciled Lines

(Cross-posted on ao3, if you prefer to read it there. Reblogs still appreciated!)

Missa wakes up, and he thinks he might be doomed. This doesn’t scare him nearly as much as it should.

Missa is awake early—by his own metric, anyway. His nocturnal nature causes “early” for him to mean “early night” and not “early morning.” Regardless, “early” means that Philza is not asleep yet, still going through his nightly rituals. “Early” means that Philza is sitting up in (his? their?) the bed, pillows propped up behind him, notebook in his lap, sketching away.

And when Missa wakes up to the soft scritch-scratch of a charcoal pencil on textured paper, his forehead just so happens to be brushing Philza’s hip.

Missa can hardly breathe.

Oh no.

He knows that if he gives any indication that he is awake, Philza will stop sketching, close his notebook, shift himself over until he is politely seated on his side of the bed, and greet Missa with a friendly smile. Philza has done it before, when Missa wakes up early. That’s how Missa knows he’ll do it again.

Thus, Missa can hardly breathe—his breaths have to be the slow in-out of sleep. He can’t so much as twitch, either. He has to keep quiet and play dead or else he’ll be found out. Seen. Caught living the lie.

“Husband,” Philza calls him. They’re not married. They share a bed. They’re hardly ever in it at the same time. They have a son and a daughter. Neither of them know Missa very well. Philza has had an extra set of armor and a skull on his backpack for months, waiting for Missa. Missa doesn’t even know Philza’s last name.

Philza is a good man and a good friend—and Missa doesn't deserve him. Still, he takes what he can get. Curls around it. Hoarding every innocent kindness Philza extends like a starving creature: the generosity of a backpack fully stocked with equipment; the trust Philza places in Missa to watch the kids when he’s asleep; and now, the courtesy of not moving his hip from Missa’s forehead to ensure his “sleeping” isn’t disturbed. Missa clutches all of these little offerings in his greedy claws and hugs them into his chest, even as the guilt eats away at him.

Because, regardless of the lack of mutual feeling, he loves Philza. He loves him so, so much, and that is why he is doomed. He can’t afford to lose what little he has. He can’t cross that line. 

So Missa lies beside Philza, forehead pressed against Philza’s hip, pretending to sleep so he can imagine that they’re not just lying in bed together, but lying in bed, together; and later, when Missa truly wakes, he will sit on his side of the bed and look at Philza’s face soft with sleep and think about how lucky he is that he still has a side-of-the-bed to begin with.

Missa doesn’t mean to drift off. When it starts to happen, he’s hopelessly torn between shaking himself awake and thus giving himself away, or remaining how he is, silently fending off the inevitable. In the end, Missa clings to that scritch-scratch sound of Philza’s pencil on the paper for as long as he can before the fog at last pulls him under. 

Eventually, he dreams. In fact, he dreams of the calloused fingers he dreams of every night, hands like his own, an artist of Death, cradling and shading the contours of his face—a softness dashing charcoal across his jaw, and over his cheekbones, and perhaps on his lips, too, if he’s lucky. Defining every edge of him.

~*~

A deep sigh. Phil stops sketching as Missa shifts in his sleep. He tilts his head up so that the tip of his nose is now just nearly brushing against Phil’s hip. The motion disturbs the wild splay of his dark hair, revealing more of his face: eyelashes, cheeks, warmth. Tender blush of something Stygian and otherworldly. New.

Phil’s lips tilt upwards. He turns to a fresh page, and he starts again.

[puppyeared]

fuck it. plaguesona

[ichorblossoms]

lots of respect for ppl who don't post/talk abt certain oc things due to not wanting to spoil their own stuff, however i will not be doing that. by the time any of this stuff is finished it'll probably be different anyways

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au

this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂

i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl

[aggravatedanarchy]

LOOK at my son

I would kill for you...

[the-meme-monarch]

*Repeating 'I am not immune to propaganda.' while looking at your blog*

GOOD the more people i can convince that scc are actually really charming characters the better i think

[ninjasmudge]

been drifting out of lmk a little bit but might go through my drafts and just try to finish and publish some stuff thats in there that i wouldnt have otherwise finished

[caramelmochacrow]

grumble grumble. (hater-ness under the cut)

you ever have a fic idea for a certain pairing and then someone already writes it for another pairing w one guy from the pairing you like is w another person? so then when you eventually write that it looks like you copied them and made a version for your pairing bc you hated it even tho you've had the idea stewing in your mind for a few weeks before they posted it?

hate it.

whats worse is that they also like a lot this certain pairing a lot and then. you're currently writing that one person from their pairing set up the pairing you like (which has the other person from the pairing they like) so it looks like you wrote it out of spite. even tho you've been working on the fic for months. like. yikes my dude.....

[sirenemale]

Maybe I'm just desensitized from dealing with like cptsd probably ocd neurotic soup unchecked for my whole life and finding ways to just phase out the chatter of it but seeing ppl here talk abt moral ocd and stuff in a way where they refuse to be reminded of racism or anything is baffling to me. Like I don't get how that's helpful for you, instead of separating thoughts and morals from yourself and your actions you're just going oh no my religious ocd is triggered when ppl talk about me having privilege or benefitting from systemic oppression so therefore I'm never going to interact with marginalized people who talk about it ect ect ect. Or proship ppl being like it's too hard to take a stance against incest and age gap ships so they're just no holds bars for it now. Like again maybe I'm being mean, being online is hard I do think the way ppl talk is especially triggering for ocd and the whole born good born bad self flaggelation for forgiveness stuff never be wrong takes especially eat at me but they are symptoms ultimately and letting it box you out from ways you can actually genuienly improve as a person feels wildly unhelpful to me. Sitting with guilt and understanding what is real harm thats been done by you and actual bad things you believed and what is the brain chatter is crucial.

[bylertruther]

i know that we all know this because we're Byler Scholars but i jus want to reiterate that byler are the couple that go All Out and do waaaaaaaay way WAY too much with their halloween decorations like i'm talking smoke machine, fake blood splatters, fake bodies, the lights etc etc and it's just as spooky themed on the inside, too. they buy lots of candy to give out to the trick or treaters and dress up for it and they're the house that ppl love going to bc it looks So Cool and they give out BIG handfuls of candy to everyone n comment on their costumes. meanwhile their movie night starts out a little tame but gets gorier and scarier as the night goes on bc will wouldn't have it any other way which mike HATES even tho he claims that he's not scared ever at all not even a little bit and "YOU JUMPED TOO DONT EVEN START I FELT THAT I LITERALLY SAW YOU 😠😳🙄" but he secretly loves it bc will jus holds him thru it n he likes the way their bodies shake whenever it makes will giggle etc etc. 🧡💛🖤

[axellis-archv-2]

hey *takes what was supposed to be just a visualization in case i ever wanted to draw overhallidays place in the future and then spends 4 hours on it

[nomaishuttle]

comparison (new on left old on right)

[radical-rigatoni1]

What the hell is in this fanfiction?? I fckin animated??? What the shell man what did you and alighterwood put in that @erinwantstowrite

Ramblings, 80% unimportant 20% abt the video

Remembered how fun lip synching in and remembered how frustrating lip synching is. Some words, one go bam bam. Some... not so much.

Also erin ignore the ask i sent you ignore itttt i needed that for this but then realized YOUR PROFILE PICTURE! 0 for me- 1 for noticing obvious things. Maybe more. Lost track 15 years ago

. Also i know i keep putting peter's little jacket on but i am having trouble with drawing arms without fabric and i know its technically he does have fabric but i mean LOSE fabric. If i take it off that would make me lose motivation way sooner if i was just like "UGH THIS DOESNT LOOK RIGHT!!!!" 24/7. I have learned to just go fck it, as long as i have fun the lip sync looks good and i get my main idea across... good enough but im still TRYING to hit myself w that mindset doesnt mean it'll switch immediately 😭👍 still thats gonna be my new mindset for the year....midway through. I would love to say im gonna shut up right now but at this point we both know im not really gonna.

ALSO, I HAVE SOMRTHING SLIGHTLY PLANNED for LOF again, so mayb possibly more fanart. No guarantee bcs im on the fence about how it'll look and how much I'll like it once i get that idea on paper. It's about the new chapter 😌 Dink and Peter are really sweet. I liked that they were both rly awkward on how to take the next step. Eager to, but not entirely sure in the other's stance. It's nice from both POVs ❤️❤️ once again. The writing in that fic is beautiful

Quadruple also!!!! I wanted to put more stuff around where peter was by the graves but then my titi's came by and i completely forgot the crazy idea i was grasping on to and had to scrap. I think it was super crazy though and my limited animation skills can only do so much before my brain turns to mush.

Quintuple also!!! YEAH!

[rubysparx]

Um actually I have something more to say about Kabru and Mithrun’s similarities and relationship.

I think a lot abt how it’s shown a few times how elven culture relies heavily on non-natural ways of doing things, and it’s interesting especially how like our main cast repeats multiple times the three steps to living a long and healthy life. Meanwhile the canaries, the elves, don’t necessarily recognize that stuff as important as it is. I think specifically of the example of Mithrun explaining to Kabru that he has to have medication or a spell otherwise he can’t sleep, to which Kabru tucks him in and gives him a massage which knocks him out cold. His dependency on other methods to fight off insomnia were kinda just in his head, he hadn’t tried anything else. I mean prior to joining the canaries he was fully restrained 90% of the time so ofc a servant would just come in and place a spell for him to sleep every night. And he was like that for years. And then Cithis just replaced all his caretaker servants, then it became her job to make sure he took a pill or listened to her bells every night. I think there’s something there about how there’s a list of stuff Mithrun wasn’t allowed to be around and when he gets separated from the canaries he encounters all of that since Kabru doesn’t know to “protect” Mithrun or restrain him so severely. And it’s interesting because Mithrun doesn’t even seem to have issues with the things, like ofc top on the list was he wasn’t supposed to see goats or sheep. One of the first things he and Kabru eat is barometz. Its something to me that Kabru, who has also suffered so much, takes Mithrun into this dungeon and he has to face head on what’s been bothering him, he has to look his trauma in the eyes. And eat it. He cannot move on until he sees it, understands it, and finally starts talking about himself (“the last desire I had left wasn’t revenge, I wanted the demon to finish me off” “I was scraps left on the plate […] I guess vegetable scraps have their uses too”)

It just seems to me like a more vague and overarching way we see the elven cultural mindset hold him back from properly healing, I don’t think Kabru knew what he was doing at all but the fact of the matter is no one was filtering Mithrun’s view of the world anymore. And while Mithrun believed that didn’t matter to him, nothing mattered, it still made a difference. He was still on the path to moving on, and properly healing, even though he didn’t quite recognize that.