#scrupulousity

[daughter-of-mary]

[xenomutt]

I do not want to see tumblr going through more eugenics discourse

Tumblr cannot be trusted to use words consistently. The last time I saw this shit, tumblr concluded that anyone choosing not to have children is a eugenicist. And if you worry about passing on a debilitating genetic disorder to theoretical offspring, you are double plus eugenicsy.

In fact, so much of tumblr concluded that not having children and not raising them with the expected culture and religion of your ethnicity is genocide! Someone from Hong Kong who moves to New York, speaks English, has no biological offspring, and isn't Buddhist or Daoist is exactly as bad as Hitler! Also, this is somehow connected to cultural Christianity.

As evidence of how much better I'm doing with OCD, I will now add to my tumblr filter rather than dwell on this nonsense.

[sofaoofa]

so heaven is in the clouds? If god is there they must have low density to be so high up. and hell is down below? In order to stand the pressure the devil must be extremely dense. Therefore before I interact with anything I will weigh it in water and out of water to use Archimedes principle to determine the density of everything I interact with to calculate how much I sin everyday. The more buoyant I become the more I will prepare for god.

[afterphantoms]

listen, say what you want abt heartstopper, it is definitely a deeply flawed show but god damn charlie spring is easily the single best example of a realistic, non-stereotypical portrayal of obsessive-compulsive disorder i’ve ever seen. there’s so much misunderstanding around ocd and the MANY ways it can manifest, so for me personally it’s pretty cool that there’s some rep that’s not the (stereotyped) counting/checking/cleaning subtype! this shit would’ve really resonated with me as a teen and might’ve actually helped me get diagnosed earlier!! ocd is oftentimes seen as just like “omg i’m quirky i like organizing my binder 😝” but it’s genuinely one of the most debilitating mental conditions out there and puts you at much higher risk of suicide so it’s really nice to see a portrayal that actually acknowledges how serious the condition is, even when compulsions are less outwardly noticeable

[xenomutt]

Politeness is also a part of this. It isn't just about seeing people in neat little boxes or not embarrassing yourself. It used to be absolutely vital to know when to use Miss, Madam, Ms, or Ma'am. Getting it wrong was both an insult to the other person and a mark against you. Plenty of places still expect employees to greet customers with a "How may I help you, sir/ma'am?" and simply dropping the gendered term can be considered a slight against the customer.

Sir and madam are honorifics, and social scripts sometimes require them. There is rarely a case where you can politely replace these gendered words with something neutral. "You got it, chief" vs "Right away, sir" are worlds apart. "Of course, dear guest" is unexpected and patronizing. Thankfully, simply dropping the "sir" is becoming more acceptable, so there are more and more cases where politeness no longer requires knowing someone's gender.

Okay but can anyone articulate the mindset that leads older people to feel like they NEED to know people's gender identity all the time? Like what's going on there

[monards]

ohhh dove caniry your scrupulosity will kill you…….

[daughter-of-mary]

Hello my Brothers and Sisters in Christ, if you are struggling with scrupulosity, I recommend reading this blog:

Aubrynn the creator of this blog shares her experience and gives advice on how to overcome the pain and shame that comes with having scrupulosity. I have read many of her blog posts, which greatly helped me. I hope this helps, God bless you, and Jesus loves you!

[horaitos]

thinking about that one ocd light fic by @quicktimeeventfull. thinking about ocd light. thinking thinking thinking about perfectionist always has to be the best his worth is defined by his image yagami light. i think i hauve covid

[hussyknee]

So I found out I have Scrupulousity OCD five years after making this post.

The thing for us survivors of child abuse is that being Wrong about anything is the most terrible thing imaginable. There is stage in personality development where kids are allowed to get things wrong and mess up and correct themselves with minimal penalty, which was denied to us. Instead, we lived in a world of conditional humanity.

This means that the acceptance of our basic physical and emotional needs as humans were all conditional upon our behaviour - Bad-Wrong or Good-Right.

For us, the world was a minefield of things we could get Wrong and the punishments would always be unpredictable, random and disproportionately severe. Everything from small embarrassments, accidents and mishaps, other people’s breaches in social protocols as well your own, misinformed political opinions, lost arguments all seem equally catastrophic because all Wrong is Bad, and to be Bad is to literally not be seen as human anymore. Right and Wrong are seen not as something we do but as something we are.

In adult life, I’ve been trying to come to terms with merely being wrong, a simple non-catastrophic thing one can easily flip into right, and the fact that Wrong, if it exists, lives very far from me. This is doubly hard to believe when I am in pain. Because all pain is punishment, and all punishment is the consequence of being Bad-Wrong-Monster.

The most painful thing for a survivor of abuse is acclimatizing to a world where punishment is not deserved. It’s a fundamental truth of our universe turned on its head. It requires one to the acknowledge the power of chaos and chance. The concept that chaos and order live side by side is such a natural and easy thing for most people to understand, but so utterly terrifying for us to grasp. It feels like the world is still a minefield but now there are no Rules anymore, and we can’t comprehend where Safe is without The Rules. Even when The Rules never did keep us Safe in the first place. The Good-Right-human/Bad-Wrong-monster model is also important because it would mean that not only did we deserve our punishments but also the people who abused us would be due theirs. A cyclical hell driven by vengeance.

Humans are able to function because we are socialized into an illusion of safety and justice which is integral to psychological and social order. For abuse survivors to move forward, we have to first give up the illusion of order that we have constructed for ourselves and enter into a world where consequence is not yoked to morality. “Right” is now not the place where it doesn’t hurt, but the place where we refuse to hurt those we perceive guilty - including ourselves. It’s the very painful place where we can’t assign monstrousness to anyone who breaks The Rules. “Wrong” is now denying humanity to anyone on any grounds. “Wrong” is trying to plant The Rules in new places and rationalizations so we know where to feel Safe again, pretending it is the same as healing.

We won’t ever be safe unless we heal. We can’t heal without compassion. We can’t find compassion if we are focused on vengeance i.e finding the Bad-Wrong-Monster, in ourselves or in others. The monster is not a tumour we can excise but an open wound we have to stop gauging.

It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to stay angry. We deserve to heal.

[staloysius]

marion in the first 25 mins is a MOOD. "rationalism" "rules rules rules" no bro. you have scrupulousity/moral ocd!!!!!

[hussyknee]

Okay but hear me out– I don't think I ever was a bad person.

I think I had the potential to become one, because we all have the potential to be a bad person. But I think it was a lot less likely I would have become one than a lot of other people. Because the base part of my personality is one that wants to know what's right than wanting to be right. That needs to be honest and is repelled by lying. That can't help caring about people if my life depended on it, even ones I hate. That wants to hurt people who hurt me and those I care about very badly, but a lot less likely to actually do it because I don't like people to be hurt.

I think I was maybe just a good person, who did some bad things when I was tired and hurt, this whole time.

[xenomutt]

If it helps, "eat your vegetables" was from a time where online fandom had started to deliberately merge with online activism. Awareness of social issues was on the rise, there were invisible knapsacks of privilege to unpack, male tears were being drunk, and big blowups like RaceFail* kept happening. People were trying to be better and more aware. I think this was when QUILTBAG was briefly preferred over LGBTQ, things were changing quickly.

It was also a time of peak "We have been silent long enough, the straights/whites/etc must listen to our anger." This is where angry posting as activism, the kind that demanded allies as punching bags, got going. All white people are colonizers, all men are predatory, etc. and they need to shut up and listen. Rage as activism, rather than a private vent post, was considered important for spreading awareness. Posting and fic were obviously part of activism. The personal is political, after all.

It was also well before the time any radfem thought was getting seriously interrogated. The MeToo movement was just a little while ago, and all women had to be listened to. Political lesbianism was trying to claw its way back in, and it was having some successes.** So, in an era of listening and learning to anyone who could claim a place in the Oppression Olympics (as it was once called), radfems and those they convinced did have a platform to demand that fandom cater to them. In this stew of uncertainty, writing about two guys making out could credibly be called "erasing women."

*I dare not try to summarize. It was more than just "why are white authors mostly writing white characters?" but the parallel to "why are women attracted to men mostly writing about men?" is obvious.

**I am a straight man with OCD, and there was a time that I was nearly convinced that any interaction with women was toxic and harmful to them. The forces of (political) lesbian separatism were real in the LiveJournal days.

far be it from me to judge someone's taste in fanfic but naively I would expect people to prefer sorting through ten fics by people who are invested in and care about what they're, writing to find something they enjoy, then sorting through those ten and then also a couple hundred by people who don't care and are only writing the fics out of a vague sense of redirected catholic guilt.

Do people not prefer to read things that are, y'know, good?

[jiyoos]

i have $3 dollars in my account, i really cannot donate anything else right now. i already donated everything else i had this paycheck. i don’t even have hot running water at my house bc i don’t have money to replace my hot water tank. like i know i am getting all these asks, ppl need money, they need food, they need water, i get it!!!!! i will reblog and when i get paid again, i’ll donate if i have money left over. please don’t send me a guilt tripping ask after i have already reblogged or donated…. i will get to these posts and donations when i can get to them. i am struggling as well but i am trying my best to give what little i have to ppl less fortunate than me. bear with me please

[marietheran-archived]

sometimes I look back at the thirteen year old girl I was who thought herself so grown-up and cringe... but that might have also been the very happiest year of my life...

[kael-writ]

uh oh my therapist thinks moral (non-religious) scrupulosity might be part of my OCD oh no well now what

[ick-the-clown]

looking at my five year old ocs versus the ones birthed two weeks ago is insane. they used to be normal people and now the most normal one is a guy everyone thinks is a freak because he's got that awkward autism swag and likes bugs.