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sweetest-honeybee · 2 years

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Bro I hate having a crush on someone they got my twirlin my hair and blushin n shit

#it’s also very uncommon bc this is the second one I’ve ever had in my 18 and a half years of life #second one since MIDDLE SCHOOL #completely out of any and all possibility og being with them anyways so this fuckin SUCKS #to be fair at least I knew ahead of time #the first one was a straight hire who ended up gay and I still got fuckin rejected 😂#straight hire? straight girl lmao #it was fantastic #but GOTDAMN the universe ain’t with me on this one this isn’t FAIR

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swordheld · 7 months

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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

#q&a.#birdsong.#wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3 #i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac-#in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai #after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really.#i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track.#and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy?#it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where #it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that.#how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love.#i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together.#i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too.#the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe.#so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc.#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.

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lavender-temult · 2 months

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Box layouts!!

#happy put imogen and otohan in a box friday everyone!#feels important to mention:#1) i have not done any sort of floor plans since probably middle school. so. a WHILE #2) i do not care about scale haha (and also making sure lighting makes sense)#3) I don’t like drawing tables hence why there is no table in the second one lol #but yea this was really fun to make :3 #critical role #my art #otohan thull #imogen temult #everyone be proud of me I didn’t forget to add a bathroom #as a kid a friend and I liked to make random lil floor plans and I *always* forgot to add a bathroom #I’m sure I missed something super obvious lol 😂 can’t wait to figure out what it is though haha

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bluehandprint · 6 months

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Okay so apparently this blog is 9 yo today 🎉

#the thing is i've been trying to figure out how long i've been on tumblr #see my problem is that i had 2 blogs before this one #and i couldn't have created sideblogs like everyone #nooo i had to create new ones with another account #which ofc i can't remember now #my guess is that i've been here since 11-12 years #and my first blog was a josh hutcherson fan account #i won't tell you what the second one was about #maybe it's time i try to find them 👀#idk if i want to go back in time as far as middle school 😬#flo's gloubiboulga

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shywhumpauthor · 11 months

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Hey guys, so I just wanted to say that I’m probably not going to be putting out much writing for a bit. Like right now, I’m not actively working on writing anything. I feel kinda shitty about not writing though :/

I will probably (most likely, don’t want to say “definitely” though cause I know myself) put out some more short prompts/maybe some snippets in the next while but probably not any long pieces. Maybe. I don’t know maybe inspiration will strike tomorrow and this will all be a lie. But as of now, yeah.

please stick with me here though I promise I’ll get back to writing soon.

I was also thinking about doing whumptober again, not sure if I will do it for a new series with characters or miscellaneous fills. Let me know?

#i feel crappy about not writing but also like #I started reading this book #and I read the first one in two and a half days #and I just got the second one Monday and I’m almost halfway through it #I’m really happy because it’s been a while since I’ve read a book and been excited like this #I stayed up late reading last night and it was just #such a good feeling #I haven’t done that since middle school #it’s been so long since I’ve found a book I could really get into #but also band camp starts next week #that’s two weeks long so idk what my writing will be like then #then school starts up again #my classes are a lot harder this year which I’m excited but also nervous for #and I have a job now so balancing everything’s going to take some getting used to

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ventiswampwater · 2 years

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she’s the moment

#I couldn't find a photoset of my girl??? HUH #what is goin on. on tungl dot com #so I'm fillin the void in the market #repo! the genetic opera #amber sweet #this stupid movie has been making me mentally ill and bisexual since I first saw it back in ye olden middle school #the soundtrack is regrettably stapled to my cerebral cortex @ this point #I think I was in like. 10th grade and one of my classes had a whole end of the year movie day..................#and they had a signup sheet for movie ideas #and my dumbass entirely wrote this movie and was v shocked n appalled when it was not chosen #it was biphobia ig #like what do u mean?? u do not want the class to watch this freakweirdo movie??? HUH??? hfrjsdkjfkwrsjdkwwfjsdkj I was so insane truly #but anyway. paris ATE this role up she ATE #she truly did That. all of That #I took and edited 39838209123 more screenshots so I'll probably post a second part of this eventually

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bunnyb34r · 6 months

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Facing my fear of movie theaters by going to the first showing of the day sgdggdgd

I think I'll be the only person there which would be awesome tbh

AND I dont have to break my streak of having seen every hunger games movie in theaters :D I'm excited man

#marquilla #first one i saw with my friend from middle school and her weird ass family sgdgdgdggd second and third was with my ms/hs best friend who #also loved the books (we would have 'arguments' over what character was the best cough cough finnick cough cough which drove my dad insane #listening to every single time we would pick her up to come over (40 min drive one way atgagagsg)#and the last one i saw with my first boyfriend who really didnt have any thoughts one way or the other ab the books but he DID think gale #was better than peeta which lead to an 'argument' in the parking lot while we were looking for his moms car sgdgdggdgd we both #agreed that finnick was better though sgdggdg #and by arguments i mean they were those goofy 'my fav is better than YOURS' debates you have with friends that are always in good fun #now this time im going alone bc i really wanna see it and mom didnt read the book yet/isnt really interested (more like eh ill get you the #dvd when it comes out and we can watch it) this is my first time going by myself though which is kinda exciting sgdgd #did you know you can order food ahead of time and have it delivered to your seat?? thats wild to me #id feel so awkward doing that especially since it's probably just gonna be me today shhdhdhdhd

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maddy-ferguson · 2 months

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fun fact about me: i'm insecure about so many random things that i've never flipped anyone off in my 22 years of life because i think my middle finger looks awkward and ugly by itself

#and like i say: brf slt #i felt like this especially when i would have been likely to do it semi-regularly like in middle school. but like i was thinking about this #the other day and i did it in front of a mirror just to check and it looked as bad as i remember like it's just not for me #i have a story abour middle fingers though or just about what one would call the finger #when i was in what an american would call the 5th grade (i can never do when i was x years old because it's not an accurate representation #of the class i was in since i skipped a grade and the grade is what matters more to me. when i was 9 and my friends were 10 i was saying)#we would always play this game called girls catch guys or guys catch girls where the girls would run after the guys and like tap them on #the shoulder and then they would go to prison and they would line up and another guy could set them free by like touching one of the #prisoners it was a very fun game except it's way more fun to be like the ones getting caught than to be the ones catching and we would #ALWAYS play girls catching guys and it was very unfair we would be like okay in the morning we do guys catching girls in the afternoon #girls catching guys so it's fair like normal system but the guys NEVER wanted to do it (and we would always give in because like we still #wanted to play ig and idk guys. female socialization) they never wanted to be the ones doing the catching it was so unfair because we also #didn't like it as much and we did it all the time?#and i remember this one morning we were fighting about this we had literally all agreed that it was fair this way but they didn't want to #do it and my second best male friend flipped me and my best (female) friend off and (very #important detail) he did it with both of his hands so like two middle fingers and i don't know why because i'm not even sure that that's a #thing but one middle finger meant fuck you and two middle fingers meant go fuck yourself and to us that was very different? and i remember #my friend and i we like knew what it meant but for some reason we were like. he did do the one finger before doing the two does this mean #he...loves us because it literally means he wants to have sex with us #but what's funny is we never talked to him again after that and i don't even know why that was our last straw because i remember i #genuinely liked him before that like i said he was my second best male friend! so like maybe sixth best friend overall that's not bad #and he's not the only guy friend who flipped us off that year like it was so random to stop talking to him after that😭#like he was an actual enemy we really did not like him we talked about him in letters we'd give each other using a nickname etc #and what's even funnier is in our last year of middle schoold FOUR YEARS AFTER THIS a friend of a friend told him he should become friends #with well my friend and he was like hm i don't think so have you seen who she hangs out with? marianne *last name* like why do YOU hate #me😭 it was so funny like wdym it was mutual this whole time. i had literally moved on by then i didn't even care about hating him #anymore like wow...i think he's the only person i hated who actually hated me back

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kestrel-wish · 1 year

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Honestly almost forgot how much I loved reading books. I love the unfathomable amount of joy they give me. I love the little stifled half squeal half scream of delight that blocks my throat for a few moments when a part of the book makes me particularly laugh or smile at a joke or wholesome moment. And when I have to try my best not to let it escape my mouth so I don't screech out loud seemingly out of nowhere like a little kid at a McDonald's playground playing tag.

#Out of curiosity I began reading “The true meaning of Smekday” and the “Smek for President” books and holy cow they're so much fun #Finished the first book in just one and a half or so days. And that's saying something #Haven't read anything that quickly and excitedly since early in middle school probably #Which is kind of sad in a way. If I think about it too much.#Just haven't had much of a drive to read something outside of classes due to time and a lack of interest overall #So so so glad this random rekindling of my interest in the DreamWorks Home stuff introduced me to these books.#They're just oozing with so much charm and wit it's overwhelming. Overwhelming In a good way.#If I ever find one of those books at a thrift/book store I'm snatching it up and basically throwing myself at the checkout counter.#Still working on the second book at the moment. Savoring it a little.#Trying to make it last a little longer and pace myself for once so I don't finish it all at once.#Sorry for rambling. Just can't not express how darn happy these books make me. I haven't been shutting up about them on Quotev recently.#I've probably been a tad annoying in that aspect but it's worth it. I hope they appreciate the random ramblings at least a little.

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bleachswing · 2 years

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cause i'm a brooklyn baby

#famous ! streamer ! michael × famous ! blogger ! luke #That's my apportion for this fandom #I like this au #They know each other since middle school but no one knows until on a vlog and on a stream they both say how there sweet boyfriends #Ofc they post tons about each other #luke would post date vlogs #ans michael would actually post cooking fights #awwww lovveeeee #muke #5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings #micheal clifford #messy moodboard

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kiwiwinjindouche · 1 year

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I'm very slowly trying to catch up with everything, but I've been in a Dragon Age hole the past couple of months

Anyway, I've drawn the crazy inventor cuz it's been so long and it felt nice doing so

I love to see the improvement over time, even with more recent drawings (tho it's not really big)

#dishonored 2 #kirin jindosh #dagyne_scribbles #(I have 200h+ on Inquisition it's been SINCE LATE FEBRUARY)#and who's my fav one who made me buy the game?#A fucking middle aged man with a mustache and undercut #Dorian even has his mole under same eye as Kirin #What classes? School projects???#No no no hear me out #Dating Dorian and squealing like a teenage girl whenever I see him and asking him for a kiss every 5 seconds #My brain is having a hard time because??? what do you mean two hyperfixations at the same time

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lamphous · 6 months

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me thinking myself clever for catching onto accidental foreshadowing before realizing in fact it was a memory as the-body-remembers-by-babette-rothschild. eleventh doctor so so evil to me. the way that I was down BADDD for alex kingston at age 13.

sorry there are approx. 7 more posts in the tags here

#sorry am watching the big bang whilst intoxicated and the amy reveal genuinely got me #remember when they were killing rory off every episode for shits and giggles #THE FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ OH MY HGOD #ELEVEN IN THE TIME TRAVEL WATCH WIIIIIIIVES THEY ARE MARRIEEEEED #the worst part of watching these is all the places ive since been art ive since seen things ive come to know in hyper detail NOW #that i did not while watching this on my ipod nano on the bus home after middle school #not just the millennium bridge all the van gogh paintings ive seen a store in camden gardens ive walked by #but chip shops and terrible atmospheres in british museums #oh my god sorry i think i wanted to fuck matt smith for a second. his handwriting. trying to give it up. puppet with strings cut. HOT?#oh good its autoerotic again alex is here as well. lesbian sex. they have a handfasting NOT click bait #walks up to gay couple like so which one of you is the eye of the storm and which one of you is the heart of the explosion #i watched those last seconds on the roof before the dalek arrives on a loop at age 13 as the last moment of true happiness #me my wife and my wife's parents who are also my boygirlfriends on our night at the museum double date. AND THEN I DIE. and my wife avenges #LESBIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS ITS ALMOST COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE. wait why did she make the dalek beg for mommy what did that do to me

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noxtivagus · 2 years

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oh my god it's 9 am

#🌙.rambles #i'm not rlly sleepy.. n i'm busy 😭😭 so much to do fr #i'm being productive at least but i think i'm. i'm using this productivity too as a distraction #from my loneliness. from my thoughts n my burdens n regrets. my regrets.. they're so burdening fr oh my god #my regrets.. they're so burdening fr oh my god #i try to take my mind off being too. meticulous ig or really just placing too much importance on my school performance #generally i've always been doing well.#i had high honors after all back in gr8 n i think it was just the subjects in filipino that pulled my grades down in middle school #i am.. not the best w filipino but my grammar is good. i'm good w systems n idk generally just acads #but my proficiency in the language itself makes me perform worse :/#other than that i do great w everything else #back when we had exams (my school took them away now ever since the pandemic) i would always do well #always one of the top of my class. never quite the best ig but perhaps second.#if i was.. born in another country in the first place i think i'd be even better than i am right now #without filipino fuck that i have nothing but hatred for it #it's useless to me. all my life everything's just proved it's worthlessness #i don't want to stay in this country at all. i hate it here.#i've tried to love my country before but.. it's so lonely here. so much of it has given me pain #n though there r things dear to me like my friends n family here n wtvr #i wouldn't trade that at all. those r rlly just the things i hold on to #it's so. infuriating thinking of if i had education from a more developed country.. i'm naturally intelligent.#it's in my genes fr n i've always worked hard. my curiosity is insatiable and has brought me far #this country is a hindrance to me and my hatred for it is honestly just unfathomable.#loneliness; most of my life i grew up not having friends sharing my interests. now it's better though at least. i'm v grateful for that #but the environment as a whole is so. different i guess. imagining na n europe n australia.. their cons n all have stuff i'm actually #interested in. yk it feels like a miracle just seeing something other than genshin in this country. it's too simple n boring here. it hurts #careers i want to pursue are far from ideal here. they're too difficult. career choices r v limited n i don't think education is enough #there's rlly just so much hinderances in my life here. not to mention the humiliation i faced by my peers w. my accent when speaking filo..#i've always been good at grammar but. w the influence of my interests i do have a bit of an accent.#no one ever intentionally meant to hurt me but.. i can't deny it yk? even if it was just for fun.. being laughed at really hurt.

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akiraofthefour · 1 year

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I just watched an “ultimate FFVII iceberg” video and knew everything but three things, good lord forgive me

#Final Fantasy VII #my main hobby in mid/late middle school was learning every single thing about all media related to FFVII #it's weird that today you can just like hop on Reddit or FB or whatever and see everything #baby I used to have to do archeological digs through message boards of the most fucked up porno dojin sites for this info #rip to Sodasexy you were a real G #RIP to sodasexy.net lest we forget that one Sephiroth dojin where [REDACTED]#that second RIP tag is an old tag #I can assure you that it was nuts and I missed the chance to buy that insane one & I've kicked myself for it ever since #anyways

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solpng · 2 years

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hey <3

#good evening <3 hope everyone's doing alright #my second shopping trip yesterday was also a bust and i came back w more shit i can't wear to the wedding 💀#had to take a 19 hr nap after that i'm completely exhausted #today i got to take a rest but tomorrow after i pick my niece up from school i'm gonna have to venture out again for clothes #which is my last chance bc the wedding's on saturday :/#i was thinking ab it and i haven't left the house this much in one week since like? i was in middle school?? 😭#it's uh. a challenge. i'm doing better than i thought i would though #idk. it's stressful #and painful #my body isn't used to all this so when i return home from these trips i gotta go right to bed bc it literally hurts to move #i miss my routines ngl #i feel like my whole world's out of order rn and i can't keep up w all things i have to do and want to do #can't wait til all this wedding shit is over

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lilgynt · 6 days

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brother came to visit, mom hating me for existing bc her son is back, and ben was like i’m not even sure ur gay bc i had a thing with a dude but that was the only way any of my family could talk to me being upset about a dating thing and btw this is some of my first attempts ever at dating and they know this im gonna lay down and die

#personal #my mom yelling in the middle of convos GRAHAM GO TO SCHOOL #and the car ride to the airport just kept going on about how awful i am #like i couldn’t get past a sentence without my mom saying how awful i am #like i’m not funny and no one thinks i’m funny #i’m not smart and conversations with me aren’t intelligent #go back to speech therapy bc ur brother is making fun of a word you pronounced wrong #and i can’t speak a lot when ben comes to visit bc my mom missed him #but i tried describing a movie i saw and liked and got to say they live in a town before we just dropped the topic bc of ben making fun of #me and mom jumping on that to be like i don’t like you #and then with ben saying im sexually ambiguous i just want to cry #i’ve gone on two dates with two people since trying to date #granted more dates with the second but i’ve gone on two first dates and that just erases my whole life #and the only capacity my family can talk to me about things i’m dealing with is if i’m the butt of the joke #i love my brother but his visits make me wish i was dead

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