#self-deprecation part of the evening

[death-rebirth-senshi]

Browsing my tumblr blog instead of studying all night. Truly I haven't changed a bit in all my years.

[purpleshadow-star]

Personally, I think Andrew would really like the song "I Sent My Therapist To Therapy" by Alec Benjamin. I think he would find it super amusing. He plays it for Neil one day and asks him if he ghostwrote it. Neil isn't amused. He then plays it for Bee one day in therapy, and she finds it much more amusing, though he finds the following questions and analysis of why he finds it relatable were less so. Secretly, though, Bee is just happy that Andrew found something that he liked enough that he cared to share it.

[kingkatsuki]

Specifically thinking about long distance relationships today.

So tell me how you and your f/o would first meet online?

[whump-n-comfort]

i've noticed a common generic idea beneath my fave stories

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[fellhellion]

[aeide-thea]

so i went to reblog some fanart earlier and started to tag it #oh this is. incredible actually, and then paused and thought, @‍self why the 'actually.' what is that adverb conveying. and i contemplated it for a bit, and finally concluded: well, shit. it's reflexive deprecation.

the thing is, deprecation is my starting position pretty much always, and that's a problem in itself, but mostly my problem; but when you're talking abt somebody else's work, and you start backing defensively away from imagined negativity before anyone's even actually voiced any? you may think you're playing bodyguard, but in reality you're the vanguard of the assault, opening a wedge for enemy forces to strike.

i was talking a couple of weeks ago abt seeing ppl tag that kristin sue lucas name-multiplied-by-one post with tags like 'this is art To Me' vel sim., and honestly i think it's a similar sort of reflex—i think exposure to the tumblr vernacular often leads people (very much including me!) to produce turns of phrase like this, that ultimately serve to convey roughly

'i, a clever girlblogger,¹ am, yeah, engaging with this frivolous hai pollai²-coded material; but my relationship to it, unlike that of most she-ple, is Intellectual and Analytical and Examined! and to make that clear, i'll be dropping in these little verbal particles from time to time, in order to distinguish my own, elevated examination of the subject from the state of risible naivete³ i'm implicitly ascribing to the other, more ordinary audience members i'm conjuring up only to instantly put down—but like, it's fine, i'm a free-and-easy girlblogger(TM), so you can't think i'd ever deliberately propagate establishmentarian prejudices! never mind the effect my rhetoric might subconsciously be having, on me or on anyone else…'

and i think this framing is worth squinting at, and worth attempting to excise from one's speech and from one's mindset, because when you get right down to it? it's just yet another insidious manifestation of respectability politics, that's gotten people to adopt it via the cuckoo-chick strategy of positioning itself as cutesy tumblr idiolect.

and like, circling back around to that fanart i mentioned at the outset: yeah, the tag did feel weirdly prosodically truncated to me without that 'actually'! but this way, if the artist ends up seeing my discussion of their work in their notes, they won't be getting slapped in the face with a wet dead fish first, so like. what's more important, you know?

⸻ ¹ ""(gender neutral)"" ² https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoi_polloi in the feminine, if i haven't totally fumbled my declensions… ³ phrasing nicked from a comment of @‍proudheron's.

[hecksupremechips]

Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

[macabre-crab]

She, she, she comes over me I knew half as much as she does She wants to be, my anything, my everything Really who am I to judge, to judge, to JUDGE?

there's a lot to say about this piece. i'll try to keep it short. i started it back in december, i think? and have been working on it bit by bit since then. it originally started off as a vent piece. it still is, sort of. i think. but the emotions are all over the place. as have i been these past few months. i had a hard time picking out a caption too, since my ideas for that have changed many times.

something about wanting to be pure. but knowing youre not, no matter how hard you try. youre tainted somehow, even if you cant see it. poor thing. youll never be free.

anyways, the feathers werent done by hand. i used a brush i found on clip studio, it's titled "天使の翼ブラシセット" i think. it feels like cheating to use it tbh... but it really brought the piece together so. whatever, we all know im not a real artist anyways lol.

below are two other versions of the art. the flat colors and a version similar to the final one but without the feathers brush. enjoy.

[hannahchronism]

do you think if i started calling it "wild bunny taming" instead of "brain worms" i would get accused of romanticizing ...whatever's wrong with me, anyway.

[lesbovalentine]

i have to be honest guys i can't be humble anymore i am good at what i do know and i know this. i'm not saying every drawing i make turns out incredible or even that i have a single drawing i wouldn't change SOMETHING in but i'm, like, good at it. i'm pretty good at analyzing media too tbh. pretty good at making amvs. i've got a good singing voice even if i'm not a technically good singer i like my voice itself and i like the act of singing. i like drawing and i am good at it. okay thats all

[buck-yyyy]

repeat after me kids: just because they’re not talking to you doesn’t mean they hate you and are replacing you with their boyfriend!

[olli-online]

idk how much i believe ill ever be able to have normal functioning friendships in my life

[moonmoonthecrabking]

despite the flaws of the trolls franchise and poppy's growing toxic positivity and imperialism particularly in the second film. her line "sure, life isn't all sunshine and rainbows but i like to believe it mostly is!" is such a good example of optimism, or better than i normally see. i think that pessimism has been disguised as realism for quite a while and the idea of "why accept compliments? why think the world will get any better? why think you'll succeed" is so fucking pervasive, especially for teenagers. i like to think things will get better. i like to see that some things suck, but there's good in it, and that the sucky parts aren't the only parts. i like to have hope.

[t4tstarvingdog]

i feel like i’m losing my mind

[dyketubbo]

i have a lot of pet peeves but i gotta say one of the biggest ones is when people are negative on a positivity post. if youre too drenched in your own misery to appreciate someone being positive towards themself or encouraging others to be positive the least you could do is leave them alone. youre entitled to wallow if people being happy really offends you so much but dont drag people down with you you ass