#she also said jean and neil are very similar

[detectivebambam]

i am a Jean x Andrew besties truther btw

[sun-archeron]

THE SUNSHINE COURT SPOILERS

finished reading the sunshine court at 2am, so now here are some of my thoughts on it

im very glad that the romance between jean and jeremy isn't being rushed

but i am concerned on how much jeremy will learn abt the moryamas and moreaus, i feel like he isn't built for this,but for jerejean to work he has to know the truth

cat is now one of my favorite characters of the aftg universe, she's amazing

before, while i apreciated jean's role, i didn't particularly liked him, but now he's up there in my top 2 with neil

also, nora was not lying when she said jean and neil are very similar, i will have to reread the whole series soon so i can mark all the parallels between them

i'm very interested to see the evolution of cody's situationship with that couple (sorry, horrible memory, already forgot their names)

that scene with grayson gave me so much anxiety, wtf was that, i hope the hitman that neil hired makes it painful

and on that topic, neil was so iconic in all of his fifteen minutes of appearance, it was really nice to see him from an outsider pov, but i hope to see him from jeremy's pov in the future

wtf is going on with jeremy and his family?? babes if you want jean to open up you gotta lead by example, tell us what's going on

and renee being jean's "in another life" aaaaaaaaghhh, i didn't even care abt this ship before, and now they're making me suffer

[thespineoftherighteous]

to address the Thea stuff. the reasons ppl don't like her kinda matched to what I said at the end about ppl being more willing to forgive the white characters for things:

1. the age gap. it's only 4 years, and any relationship only begins after kevin is 18. and he was the one who had a crush on her when he was younger, not the other way around. People tend to spread lies about this, things that weren't said in the ec such as saying they're relationship started when he was 14 and she was 18, which I mentioned in my original anon.

2. the 'agression'. I don't think she's aggressive. she was angry yeah, which she had every right to be after kevin ghosted her. he was obviously going through a lot, but of course given he didn't communicate this, she didn't know. she can only work off what she knows. again I just see this as the fandom being very uncharitable to her. kevin chokes neil when he's angry so I really don't think she's the aggressive one in this relationship. and if she is, she's not alone.

3. devotion to the ravens. again, so is kevin. People forgive him for this because he's obviously been brainwashed by them. but so has she. again, just seems like people forgiving other characters for things they wouldn't forgive her for.

4. randomness of relationship with kevin. I don't think it's random? I'm not a fan of their relationship, but people love to ship kevin/Jean primarily cause they were ravens together. kevin and Thea were ravens together, it makes sense they'd grow close. they're both also very dedicated to exy, a common reason people ship neil/kevin. so idk? to everyone's taste ofc, but it still isn't a valid reason for her to get the hate she gets.

idk necessarily about people liking her more if she was a fox. probably? she's very similar to kevin, and people like him. and I can imagine people not liking him if he stayed a Raven and we saw him through a fox perspective. so you're probably right.

on her only having a scene or two and not being very likeable in them. I guess again, it asks the question of why she's not likeable in these scenes? I think people don't want to view things from her perspective, and there can be a lot of reasons for that ofc.

Jean has more scenes than her, but he's not 'likeable' in many of them. He's rude, just like Thea was. He holds Neil down when he's getting tortured. He arguably should be more disliked, but he's not. I think people are more willing to offer him understanding because they're more willing to see things from his perspective. He acts this way because he's a traumatised cult member, and that's exactly why Thea acts the way she does.

It's hard to describe the hate people have for her if you haven't seen it much, but more often than not it goes far beyond 'this character just doesn't show up much so idrc'. People tend to hate her with a passion similar to the hate they view Riko with. Again, people call her abusive and a pedophile semi-reguarly. It goes beyond her just being a little unlikeable.

There was a motivation for a decent number of fans to spread these lies about her character, and I'm curious what that motivation was I suppose? cause I certainly don't do that for characters I just find unlikeable. Or characters that didn't have many scenes. Even if most fans aren't actively racist, they've bought into and fueled lies that were likely spread with racist motivation.

i honestly don't really disagree with you on anything (like the age gap wasn't something I personally ever paid attention to, I was saying that's what other people have a problem with. and honestly I do think that's fair for them, it just never stuck out to me) except for the fourth point bc I will maintain that their relationship is random. not random in a 'these two people are incompatible' way but in a 'the first time we hear Kevin even has a girlfriend is like 2/3 into the last book of the series and the chemistry (to me at least) seemed incredibly lacking but we're supposed to assume they're in love'

but I think you just might be overestimating how much people think about her. again: she's a very very minor character and I don't think people will necessarily go out of their way to see things through her perspective because of that. honestly I feel like what you said about Jean explains it p well: he does worse things than Thea but, even though he's also minor, we see way more of him than Thea we see him vulnerable and at his worst and there's more there that shapes him as a complex person. I genuinely think that if she had even as much screen time as Jean it'd be a different conversation.

but however, out of all the minor characters in the series she is one of the ones that gets the least mercy from the fans and that definitely feels racist to me. i don't think people need to explain and dissect why they dislike a character (especially characters as complicated as Nora's) but the fact that it's so easy for fans to just jump on a hate train for the only canon WOC is deeply unsettling.

I think the complexity of Nora's characters actually make aftg fans really weird and intense when it comes to defending/attacking characters. I remembered being rlly taken aback by the Aaron and Nicky and like Allison hate that I saw when I first started engaging with other fans because so much of it just seemed not true and wayyyy overexaggerated??? idk if it's the fans themselves or the content that makes them so intense but.

[mourntheantagonist]

#HarringroveApril Day 7: Daisychain

***

“Mr. Harrington? Who’s your favorite student?”

The question came about at least once every year without fail, and he’d always answer in the same, textbook way.

“I don’t have favorites. I love all my kids equally.”

And, deservedly so, the whole class would grunt and moan because they knew just as well as he did that it was a load of bullshit. Steve loved every one of his kids, that part wasn’t a lie, but… he also definitely had his favorites.

For the graduating class of ‘90 when he was only a teaching assistant his name was Daniel. He was the youngest in his class because he started early, and he was incredibly bright. He could count higher, he could read quicker, and his mind just worked in ways that no adult could possibly understand. But it wasn’t the textbook intelligence that made Steve fall for this kid. It was his emotional intelligence. He was funny and he was kind and five year olds were cruel, but he never let that get to him. He had an outlook on life that Steve was jealous of, so when the other kids would turn him down for a game of checkers, Steve would happily join him, because Steve saw it as his job to keep that kid kind.

For the class of ‘91 it was Christopher. He was nothing like Daniel. He was held back and was repeating kindergarten, and that was evident in the way he walked through life. He was quiet and would voluntarily remove himself from the rest of the class. He’d sit by himself and read a book and get frustrated when he didn’t understand one of the words, he would swing by himself and he always tried to sneak off with the first graders when it was time to line up. And Steve perfectly resonated with that feeling of watching all of your friends move on without you. He was left in the dust too. When all his classmates moved on to college or hightailed it out of Hawkins, Steve was left there by himself, working at Family Video with his only friend in the grade below him, and it took her leaving him as well for Steve to finally get his shit together, haul his ass west of the Mississippi, and enroll in a community college and work towards his teaching degree.

And he did it, against all odds and obstacles in his way, he did it. It took extra work and the support of his best friend who he followed, and he did it. He saw himself in Christopher, and he wasn’t going to make that kid wait as long as he did to realize that setbacks don’t define his future.

Steve usually took a liking to the quiet kids, and that only changed in ‘93 with the girl named Amy and the familiar last name. She was loud, vibrant, and everyone loved her. Her smile was contagious and she could be the sweetest little girl at times, but she also wore her heart on her sleeve. She cried quite a bit, just the littlest thing could set her off. A boy accidentally knocking over her blocks, not knowing how to spell a certain word, accidentally coloring outside the lines. She didn’t throw tantrums like he saw in the other kids. She would just bow her head and cry and it would break Steve’s heart every time.

But other than those few moments, she was bright and charismatic and with the last name, the blonde curly hair, and the big personality, Steve really should have put it all together much sooner than he did.

He didn’t put it all together until he saw Billy Hargrove in the soup aisle at the local grocery store wearing a chain of little daisies on his head like a crown, and he knew exactly where it was from.

It was from the little girl named Amy Hargrove who frolicked in the field instead of playing on the playground, collecting flowers that she meticulously made into bracelets and crowns and anything else she put her mind to. She gave them to friends, she even gave one to Steve, and of course she would give one to her dad too.

He looked so different, and yet exactly the same. He still had the damn mullet, just dragging the eighties with him as far as he could, he was a little more cleaned up but still had a similar style to what it was in highschool. Still with the same denim jacket, denim jeans, Canadian tuxedo type deal. In a side by side picture situation you wouldn’t really be able to tell the difference. It wasn’t his dress or his hair or anything physical about him that made him look so different, it was the way that he carried himself. It was the relaxation and the eyes that didn’t droop and the smile lines that didn’t used to be there that made him almost entirely unrecognizable from the Billy Hargrove who pushed freshman against lockers and drove his car too loud and too fast and had cigarettes for three meals a day. Not the kid who ran off to California as soon as the hospital released him with only his Camaro and a small suitcase and a large sum of money the government used to keep his mouth shut, leaving just a note for Max on the fridge that didn’t get any more specific than that about where he was going, not even leaving a phone number for her to contact him with. He also didn’t look like the kid they all pictured in their heads after basically the whole town found out about exactly what Neil Hargrove did to his son behind closed doors.

Steve wanted to go up to him in the store, but he stopped himself. Because Billy left. Without a trace or a word, and who was Steve to think that Billy having to be reminded of something he voluntarily abandoned without a second thought would have any sort of positive outcome?

So he turned down the aisle and kept his distance from the man in the flower crown because he was scared. He wasn’t scared that Billy would see him and turn back to his old ways and hurt him again, he was scared that he’d turn back to his old ways and hurt himself again.

Because he’d been hurt enough already.

Steve successfully avoided Billy until parent teacher conferences had rolled around, and instead of seeing Amy’s mom on the list of names he’d be seeing that day, it was Billy’s.

Steve would be lying if he didn’t think about calling in sick and sending his TA in his place. But he still had to be her teacher for another six months, he just had to get the interaction over with.

Many of the parents that came before Billy had to have known he was on edge about something considering he excessively tapped the table with the eraser of his pencil and stuttered his way through conversations. His organized folders and notes of talking points had been entirely thrown out the window and he was an absolute nervous wreck. And he could only anticipate it being ten times worse when the cause of said anxiety walked through his door with the long hair and the leather jacket. It was only with the help of the little girl in the sunflower dress and daisies in her hair skipping from the entrance to the chair in front of him that calmed his nerves just a bit.

But Billy had just stayed at the door, no movement, and any hope that Steve had that perhaps his new haircut and the glasses on his face would be enough to keep Billy from noticing the obvious vanished when Billy snapped his fingers like the lightbulb in his head finally flickered on.

“I knew it couldn’t be a coincidence.”

Steve just held out his hand to shake like he did with any other parent, unsure how to gage the situation because Billy’s words could go either way and his facial expressions didn’t give him anything to go off of. It would be weird to introduce himself, he didn’t know what to say.

“Hi, I’m Amy’s teacher. Should we start?”

Billy looked a little confused, but he sat down in the little kindergartener chairs anyway. This meeting was almost more organized than the ones prior, likely because he was trying to go as quickly as possible and get it over with. Steve showed Billy some of her artwork and commented on how her reading comprehension was great but she could work on her spelling a little more. He didn’t want to bring it up, but he brought up the crying and it hurt to see how him bringing it up set her off again. The same bowing of the head and quiet sniffles into her sleeve.

But Steve thinks he just fell in love a little watching Billy comfort her. With one hand rubbing circles into her back and the other holding her small hand. Steve feels like shit watching her cry because of him and is also semi-fearful for his life because he already knows he can’t take Billy in a fight.

“Baby, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with crying. It’s okay.”

“You’re dad’s right Amy. I think it’s very healthy. Crying is good for you.”

She looks up at Steve with those big blue eyes and tear stained cheeks when he says that.

“Really?” she asks.

“Yeah! I’d say it even makes you more mature. Even some adults I know don’t let themselves cry and it’s not good.”

“My daddy cries a lot too.”

Steve looks at Billy who’s eyes widen when she says it, then tries to laugh it off like she didn’t just say that.

“Hey Amy, you wanna go and play while your daddy and I talk for a minute?”

She just nods her head and wipes away her remaining tears and quickly hauls the bucket of Lincoln Logs off the shelf.

“So. It’s been a while. Hasn’t it?” Steve starts.

“Yeah it has. So, you’re a teacher now.”

“And you’re a father. That’s crazy.” Steve was fiddling with his hands, trying to make the conversation less awkward. “She’s wonderful by the way.”

“Yeah. She doesn’t get it from me.”

Steve just shakes his head. “No. I don’t think that’s true. She has your charisma, and it appears you found a better way of channeling your emotions since last we saw each other. She’s a lot like you.”

“Thanks.” Billy blushed. He actually blushed. “I don’t know if this is allowed considering you’re her teacher, but would you want to catch up sometime? Maybe dinner or something?”

There it was. That was the olive branch. And Steve would be an absolute fool not to take it.

“I’d love to.”

Before they could come up with a time or a place, Amy was running over to the table with loudly stomping feet.

“I almost forgot! Daddy! show Mr. Harrington what I brought him!”

Billy reached into his pocket upon her demand and pulled out a little bracelet made out of little daisies and honeysuckle and handed it over to Steve.

“Thank you Amy! It’s lovely.”

“Daddy show him yours!”

Steve looked to Billy’s wrist where he slowly lifted his sleeve to reveal an almost exact replica to the bracelet in his hand.

“Looks like we’re matching.”

[i-did]

Hi, I was looking through some of Nora’s old tweets and once she answered a q about if Andrew were in the nest, and her response was that either Riko or Andrew wouldn’t survive because Riko was “too much like the people Andrew had to tolerate growing up” and that Andrew would “never forgive Kevin for his complacency”. That made me wonder: do you think Andrew has connected the logic of what Kevin likely was complacent in to a degree at the nest, or does he just not find thinking about it relevant

I actually got the exact quote wrong for context what she said was “Someone definitely would've ended up dead.. Riko is the kind of person Andrew loathes: an absolute power who is cruel for cruelty's sake.. too similar to the people Andrew had to put up with as a child. He would not have tolerated it for long or forgiven Kevin for compliance“ (doesn’t actually change much I just feel weird about the telephone of it all jic)

Andrew is a very black and white thinker, and a very strict one at that. He has rules in his mind– and he sticks to them strongly. He does not regret actions, he does not allow certain things to happen, he does not care about other things.

I think Andrew is definitely smart enough to know that Kevin is both actually a victim, but also solely sees himself as a victim and portrays himself as such. What Andrew sees of the nest is only what Kevin will tell him, and Kevin holds back. Kevin edits himself and says "I had too" or "you don't know what it's like," and Kevin's right– Andrew doesn't know.

But also, Andrew doesn't care. He has a job to do, a deal to uphold, a promise to keep. Andrew doesn't believe in regret, and he doesn't care about "dwelling in the past" so to speak. Andrew doesn't care about something he cannot change, unless something is happening at the moment in front of his eyes? He does not care. He doesn't have time to care about that in his mind, it is irrelevant.

I believe Andrew has done bad things and continues to do bad things, I believe he has gotten in fights and pushed kids and not felt sorry when they cried or got really hurt. He doesn't care that he horded food in one home and the other kids got less, and he doesn't care if he made that one girl cry. Andrew knows he's the 'bad guy' in their eyes, but he chose to do whatever he chose to do for a reason. Kevin did the same, his own personal brand of survival and choice making his own, and Andrew knows this and could draw his own conclusions, but unless Kevin ever tries to hurt "one of his" (for example, beating Nicky until he played better) Andrew wouldn't stop him. Andrew sees words as harmless to an extent, which is why he allows for the yelling at practice, and only with Seth does Kevin swing, and Seth is both not "one of his" but also swings back, so he sees no need to stop it.

Andrew in the nest however? Oh.. Kevin would be knifed just like Riko imo. Andrew would fight back against Riko and Kevin would try to stop him, and to get Kevin out of the way he would stab Kevin too. I believe Andrew would do the same with jean and raven Neil too tbh, even if their situation is different from Kevin's, because he has a goal in mind and no one can stop him. Jean, Kevin, and from what we've seen of Raven Neil, was complacent in the way they didn't fight every single second without break or backing down. Andrew is a very stubborn and direct person who if he was the one to be exchanged at winter, he wouldn't have done anything besides fight for a single second, maybe some planning ahead of time on how to uphold his deals and if he can do so from whatever consequences he will be given. Andrew sees Neil's own reaction to inside the nest as complacency, that's just how he is. Andrew's reaction is fight 100% and tbh I HC him as a victim blamer to an extent, him thinking "you didn't fight." I don't think he believes victims are more guilty than perpetrators, but he does essentially think "they should have just fought harder" in the way that for himself he thinks "next time I'll just be stronger" and solve his problems like that.

Andrew would straight up kill Riko in broad daylight if he needed to, but he would prefer to figure out a way to keep Aaron safe from women as well, which I believe is the only reason in canon he doesn't do exactly that.

[professionalfangirl24601]

I know not everything has to have a deep meaning or a reason behind it, but I was wondering why Andrew hated Exy when Neil and Kevin were obsessed with it so much.

At first, I didn't get why they loved it so much. I thought since Neil, Kevin, and Riko were all ridiculously obsessed with it and they had played together at Evermore, the reasons for it must have been the same thing. Like Tetsuji used magic or something lol. I realize now that although some aspects of why Kevin and Neil had latched onto it and how they used it are pretty similar, they are two different cases.

CW: mentions of Drake and self harm

Ok, here's Neil's explanation of his love for exy: "This is how I stay alive. When I'm playing, I feel like I have control over something. I feel like I have the power to change things. I feel more real out there than I do anywhere else. The court doesn't care what my name is or where I'm from or where I'll be tomorrow. It lets me exist as I am."

He also said that the only times he had seen his mother smile was when she was watching him play in little league games.

He could survive without playing exy, but he couldn't live without it. It was after his mother's death that he couldn't resist playing anymore. It was the only thing he associated happiness with and after moving around, changing his appearance and personality, he needed something permanent in his life. Since his mother couldn't fill that space anymore, he turned to exy.

Kevin grew up in the nest. He was told his entire life that his only purpose was playing exy. After Riko broke his hand it must have been very hard for him, besides the obvious. He wasn't sure if the Moriyamas would let him live, because he had no purpose, in their eyes. He pushed himself harder than anyone else. I think a part of the reason for this was because in the nest injuries weren't a good enough reason to stop playing. They had to do it, or else.

So exy was a very important tool for Kevin's survival. It was what he was raised for and he was good at it too. So logically speaking, it makes sense that he would like it.

But the reason he's so obsessed with it is because of his mother. Kayleigh was a co-inventor of the sport and he used it to feel closer to her.

Riko's obsession is different. He didn't love the game as much as what being good at it would get him. He believed that if he'd be good enough at it, his father would notice him and pay attention to him. He also liked controlling and hurting people and being the captain of the ravens put him in a convenient (for him ofc) position to do that.

Even though Jean didn't share their sentiment towards the sport he still had his native language, French, that he refused to stop using, no matter how hard Riko tried, because it would mean losing himself completely and giving up.

So why does it seem that Andrew doesn't have anything like that at the beginning of the series? Obviously, he cares about his family, he has promises and deals, and he's not afraid to die because of them. But the thing is, they keep him alive but don't make him WANT to live.

He created a purpose for his life when he couldn't find one, by making himself useful, like, promising Aaron his protection. But it clearly wasn't enough for him because he made a deal with Kevin, that if he stood between him and Riko, Kevin would give him something to build his life around (Andrew didn't believe Kevin could keep it).

he also denies his close relationships with people (Like Renee, Kevin, Neil...) because then people will know his weaknesses and use them against him. Partly he does it because of his deal with Aaron but it's obvious Andrew has problems with letting people in and trusting them.

He thinks that either someone can mean everything or nothing to him. A very good example of this is his relationship with Aaron. Their deal made it seem like they would be everything to each other, but in reality, aside from protecting him, Andrew pretty much ignored him.

I think the reason Andrew doesn't let anyone, (or even exy) too close to him, before Neil, is because he learned how dangerous it was to live for another person or thing because it could easily destroy you. Maybe not deliberately, but it was too risky. He learned it the hard way. A loving mother was so wanted by him that he was willing to put up with drake just to keep Cass. This led him to self-harm. He would continue living like this for who knows how long if not for Aaron's safety.

Andrew started playing exy in juvie. So by that time he already knew how dangerous depending on only one thing to keep you alive was.

The reason Kevin fulfills his end of the deal isn't that Neil becomes the person Andrew lives for, but because he teaches him that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. He's not obsessed with Neil, but he loves him and doesn't deny the thing between them is a something at the end of the series. We also know from the extra content that eventually he starts enjoying exy.

He starts opening up and letting things in because he has people in his life he trusts, and knows they will not use his vulnerability to hurt him. He doesn't choose one thing and start wanting to live because of it. He lets himself grow and heal with Neil by his side and finds many things in life that are worth living for.

[skunked-up-kicks]

I’ve noticed you ship Neil with a lot of people, not just Andrew. I’m also someone who when I’m obsessed with a character I tend to imagine a lot of different potential dynamics in different au’s and multi-ship even when I love the canon romance, so when I see someone else do that I’m always really interested by how they think about it. Could you list all the pairings you like involving Neil and like why/how you enjoy them, can even be by degree (if you want I get if it’s a weird ask lol)

i adore you for sending this anon, fair warning: this is likely gonna be long! i would also like to clarify: NEIL IS DEMISEXUAL❗❗i think he would need to develop a very strong relationship with these people before becoming interested.

neil/andrew: this ones obvious- the mutual understanding? the respect? the communication? the trust? the honesty? both being weirdos? the keys? love that shit. they are without a doubt my all time favourite couple and likely always will be. not to go on forever about these two.. but seriously, one major factor is just how.. accepting of the other they are. especially neil towards andrew who is very misunderstood and judged by many of the other characters consistently. they are the picture of unconditional love to me. that and also the fact that they are very unconventional all just makes me so happy. 🧡 (i would like to add: also, in love with the concept of queerplatonic andreil. and raven!neil x andrew is FUCKING SUPREME)

neil/robin: she's neil's best friend and nora said they do absolutely everything together, attached at the hip. she said the bond between them is unbreakable. and honestly? i see some similarities between crossten and andreil in those aspects. neil sticks up for her when the other foxes bully her. wymack says he is a worse influence on her than andrew ever was lmao. unlike andrew, i think robin would be more open to pda, i still don't think they would kiss in front of people cuz thats just my personal taste but i think they hug A LOT. and i think robin after games will often run and jump into neil's arms 🥺 they are my second favourite ship and i honestly imagine neil dating both robin and andrew at the same time. i've spent way too much time thinking about a poly relationship between the 3 of them.

neil/dan/matt: admittedly i like the neil/dan side of things more than the neil/matt side but i still think they would make a good couple. dan and matt seem to care very deeply for neil (and for each other, and he feels the same way about them) they are so supportive and i think they could really bring out a lot in him.

stay with me on this one okay, neil/seth: ok, i read the ec about how seth and neil used to be close and how seth wears neil's original jersey number and my heart just,, ugh it hurt ok. i've read a few fics where they are friends and i've just fallen in love with their dynamic. i think they have the potential to rlly help each other develop.

neil/allison: you know how everyone talks about the potential of allison and andrew being good friends? because they are so similar?? that's why i love neil and allison together, cuz those ppl arent too far off the mark. further more, neil and allison friendship fics are SO popular. she will literally kiss him, link arms, sit on his lap- i mean omg. they are so close in these fics to dating so i often just imagine they are. neil seems to have so much respect for her in canon and i think that's something ppl dont often give her and i love that about them. there's this one neil/andrew/allison fic that i read which was amazing so i ship that too.

neil/jean: this is much more limited to raven!neil aus where their dynamic is much more interesting and more explored. the fact they would be partners and grow up together... it just... i love it. the fic that really sold me on them is Black As Is The Raven, He'll Get A Partner. (sorry if i remembered that incorrectly) spoiler alert: they don't get together, it's an andreil fic BUT their relationship in it is so fleshed out and its beautiful. canon jean and canon neil i'm much less interested in tbh.

further on from that: in the same fic, theres these ocs called meg and marley and I LOVE THEM. they get recruited to the ravens and are harassed by many of them so neil makes a deal with riko so he (and jean) can be the ones to train them so the others leave them alone. and the dynamic between the entire group, meg, marley, jean and neil is amazing. i ship all of them together i'm ngl.

those are all the ones i can think of rn. just an extra note: any ship that doesn't involve andrew its guaranteed that i imagine neil dating andrew at the same time as he is dating the ppl in the ship.

[ivyaugustetc]

@poetrusicperry: so i struggle with describing myself bc i tend to leave details out/forget about certain things and also don't like being perceived so it causes me to leave out details sometimes, sigh. but with that being said, here we go lol:

i'm 5'2 with super dark brown hair, super dark brown eyes, and a black hoop lip piercing. i'm *severely* introverted and have a hard time finding people who don't drain my social battery (since it dies out a lot faster than the average person); my alone time is what keeps me sane, and i always prefer to do things by myself. there are times when i do get super clingy and want to be held or talk to people, though. i have a lot of struggles with anxiety and depression. i've played hockey for fourteen years and i play in college rn along with being a writing major. i love to read, write, watch movies (i prefer movies to shows), spend an ungodly amount of time at the beach/on the coast (the beach/coast is one of the only places i feel completely at ease). ii love letter writing/receiving letters and wish ii had a pen pal. if i'm not wearing leggings/sweats and a hoodie, i'm probably in mom jeans and a cropped tank top. i absolutely ADORE cold weather, and any kind of heat (past like 80ºf makes me feel really sick). i drink a *lot* of tea, get really startled by loud noises or jump scares, and listen to music at any chance i get. neil is my fav poet and i love todd bc we're very similar socially. i don't have many friends, though i'm usually the "mom" of the group. i like to wake up early to get the most out of my day and i'm a huge sucker for retro anything (typewriters, polaroids, turntables, vinyls, etc.). i think that's all heh. sorry it was so long, but thank you in advance !!<3 (oh one last thing, i wear two necklaces that i never ever take off, and bracelets that i never take off either)

i love all of this. all of it. thank you so much for sharing it all!! it gave me so much inspiration omg here it is:

ship: i'm going to ship you with my sweet boy pitts + i think you would be besties with anderperry

notes:

you and pitts would meet because his younger sister would want to play hockey and her team would practice the same place you practice

you become friends with his sister first. she thinks you're legit the coolest person ever and one day she drags you over to meet pitts and announces that she wants to be just like you

so you see him every time he goes to pick up his sister but you never really talk until welton and he's like "hey isn't that the one that i literally fell in love with and then forced myself to realize i'd never see again? i think i'm seeing her again"

he would become your safe space at Welton, if that makes any sense (but he understands that sometimes you need your space ofc)

normally i don't feed into tropes but you guys are the epitome of the small and tall trope it's simply,,,, adorable

you'd meet the rest of the poets and suddenly you and pitts are the parents of the group, making sure no one does anything too stupid and that charlie doesn't evaporate or sumn

when there were times when you were feeling down or upset or something, pitts would not hesitate to sneak you out of whatever was stressing you out and go sit with you somewhere for as long as you wanted and talk about whatever you wanted

i get the feeling you'd watch a lot of movies together and make a big, big list of all the movies you watched together and which ones were your favorite

no horror movies though because neither of you like jump scares

"wait, wait i liked that one. can we watch that one again?" "you gave it a 4/10." "it was a bad day! and you gave it a 9/10 so i know you liked it."

you would bond over liking tea over coffee no matter how much shit charlie would give you (he lives off of plain black coffee)

he would go out in the snow and have snowball fights with you because he knows how much you love cold weather even though he kinda doesn't but whatever you're there so it's nice

but he loves the beach too! so it works out!

pitts would recognize how much you love your jewelry and would agonize for MONTHS trying to find a necklace or a bracelet to give you

when he finally does find the perfect one and give it to you, literally nothing makes him happier than seeing you wearing it every day

okie dokie onto you and anderperry!

neil loves anyone that's passionate about anything. doesn't matter what it is, but if its something you'll talk about for hours, he'll listen

he is,,,, incredibly impressed that you stick with hockey for so long (and a bit envious that you had the means to pursue your passions but WHATEVER)

he eventually talks to you about acting and how much he loves it, and seeing you stick with hockey for so long reminds him that having passion for things isn't something that goes away easily, and it gives him hope :')

you want a pen pal? here's todd anderson, someone who wants THE SAME THING.

you would break the ice by talking about writing and poetry and vintage stuff (because he loves vintage stuff because it romanticizes the past and what is poetry if not romanticizing the shit out of everything)

and one day you make a small comment in passing about how you want a pen pal and he's immediately like "...yes." "what?" "you said you wanted a pen pal? i w-i'll-yeah. yes."

long story short, you and pitts are the parents of the group who keep everything from falling to shit and i love that for both of you <3

[nekojitachan]

Hmm, I have no idea what this is, to be honest. Okay, so I know this is ‘what if Jean didn’t go to the Nest, if he ran away from home and stumbled across Neil/Nathaniel/Abram and Mary. And of course I’ve more in my addled head than this. But IDFK what I’m doing. *sighs* It’s been a bit of a crappy week and I’m still trying to focus on writing and at least I got this out.

Uhm, warning for Mary’s and Jean’s parents stellar parenting skills (child abuse but nothing too intense/graphic).

*******

“You will do as you’ve been told! Go pack the suitcase your mother has left in your room, and tomorrow you’ll-“

“No, I won’t! I won’t go,” Jean dared to argue, to yell at his father, confused and hurt by the unexpected news that he was being sent away, that his parents were getting rid of him. “I-“ His arguments were stopped by a harsh slap to his face, the blow just as startling as the pain; he heard Sophie gasp in surprise before his mother ordered his sister to go to her room.

He stood there with his hand pressed to his aching cheek while his father glared at him. “Go to your room and pack,” the man said, anger harsh in a voice which normally was bland with disinterest.

Jean fought to hold back the tears which threatened to spill down his cheeks, aware that his parents wouldn’t be affected by them in the least. No, most likely he’d only be slapped again, then shoved into his room for being so ‘emotional’.

Once he was inside his room, he heard the hushed voices of his parents as they discussed going to the airport in the morning and something about the Moriyamas, about things being over soon.

They didn’t mention when Jean would come back home.

He tried to do as he’d been told and pack his best (favorite) belongings in the suitcase, but then he caught his mother mentioning something about them moving, finding a better apartment for the three of them. A pain worse than the slap to his cheek made Jean double over when his father shushed his mother and told her they’d discuss it more tomorrow (after Jean was gone?), and then their voices faded as they walked away.

Maybe he really wasn’t coming home again.

It wasn’t… things weren’t always great. There were so many days when his parents left him and his sister to fend for themselves, when he had to feed Sophie (and himself) and get her ready for school. They moved around all the time, too, sometimes to horrid apartments where he and Sophie shared the same bed, and sometimes to very nice apartments. He never really understood what his parents did (and they discouraged any questions), but there were times when they had money and times they didn’t.

Rarely did his parents have any interest in him or Sophie, so it had been a surprise when they’d encouraged him to play Exy. They never attended any of his games, but at least he knew that Sophie was safe when she stayed to watch him practice or play, and his parents seemed somewhat happy when his team won.

He thought that maybe, if he kept improving… but no, all his parents wanted was to send him away, in the end.

The apartment was quiet for the next hour or two; he sat huddled on his bed in misery until he grew bored and got up to look at the suitcase as something to do. Unsurprisingly, it was cheap, poorly made and unlikely to last very long, adding to his suspicions that his parents weren’t expecting him to return. He gave it a sullen kick before he began to sort through his belongings to figure out what to pack. It was while he searched through his small dresser that he heard his sister’s voice; it appeared she wanted to know why he wasn’t joining them as his family went out for something to eat, and was told to shut her mouth.

Jean once more felt that sudden pain and remained as if frozen while the front door of the apartment closed behind Sophie and his parents. He didn’t move for at least a minute, until a sudden resolve made him lunge for his school bag then dump its contents onto the floor. Once it was empty, he filled it with the most important items he’d already set aside to pack in the cheap suitcase; a few pairs of underwear, his favorite tops and sweater, the most comfortable jeans, the pajamas Sophie had gotten him for his last birthday, and a small bag of toiletries. There was a pang of remorse over leaving behind everything else, only partially soothed when he tucked a picture of Sophie into a small pocket of the bag.

He crept out of his room, suddenly fearful that his father might have stayed behind, and let out a slow breath in relief upon finding the apartment empty. Right away, he went to into his parents’ room and looked for the one shoe box in their closet which he and Sophie had discovered one day was used to hide money. The amount changed over time, but there was always some stashed inside of it, and that day was no surprise.

The numerous rolls of bills inside of it were.

Indecisive for several breaths, he finally snatched about half the money and shoved the rolls into the bottom of his bag before he replaced the box then stumbled toward the front door. A tumultuous mix of guilt, panic and exhilaration made his heart race as he ran down the steps, still filled with disbelief over what he was doing and afraid that his parents would return at any moment.

He didn’t stop until he was several blocks away from home, out of breath from running and stunned that he’d dared to run away, to leave Sophie behind. Yet what choice did he have? Stay there and go through with whatever his parents had planned for him?

He might not know exactly what his parents were involved in, but he knew enough that the people they associated with were… well, not very nice. There was a spike of fear for Sophie, but his mother always made sure she was in her room or with friends when those people came by. As much as it hurt, he forced himself onward.

(What else could he do?)

The next few hours were spent wandering the city while Jean attempted to figure out what to do next; would it look odd if he rented a room for the night? Should he buy a bus ticket and go somewhere else? If so, where? Maybe he could go back in the morning and fetch Sophie? But what if his parents (or worse) were looking for him?

Tired and confused, he sat down on a bench overlooking the Old Port; he would have to decide what to do soon for the night. He hugged his bag against his chest and struggled with the urge to cry when he saw an older couple with a young child walk past, appearing to be tourists, laughing and pointing at the seagulls.

What was it like to have a happy family?

His view of them was disrupted by a middle-aged man who approached him with a wide smile on his face. “Hey, I haven’t seen you here before. What-“

“Ah! There you are! I thought we were going to meet at the café!” A young boy suddenly dropped onto the bench next to Jean and nudged him in the shoulder. “You’re buying now!”

“Eh?” Jean barely noticed the man, now frowning and muttering to himself, walking away since his attention was focused on the stranger next to him; he looked at least a couple years younger than Jean and was tiny, barely bigger than Sophie in fact, with a mop of unruly brown hair and light brown eyes. There was a light sprinkle of freckles across his cheeks and upturned nose, his clothes were over-sized and baggy, and he had a large backpack hung over his left shoulder. “Who are you?”

The boy glanced to the left, where the older man had been. “Nobody, really,” he said in a quiet voice. “You need to be careful. Guys like Phillipe jump on newbies like you.” At Jean’s confused look, the boy’s thin brows drew together. “You’re a runaway, aren’t you?”

Jean gaped at the boy. “How did you- who are you?” He hugged the bag even tighter to his chest and flushed with embarrassment when his stomach rumbled in hunger.

“Nobody,” the boy repeated with a sad smile, “but you can call me Lucien.”

Jean frowned as he studied the boy; did that mean that ‘Lucien’ wasn’t his real name? “I’m Jean, and how did you know that about me?”

Lucien shrugged as he slung his bag forward then rummaged through it to pull out an apple, which he offered to Jean; after a moment’s hesitation, Jean accepted it. “You’re out here alone, holding that bag as if it contains your most important possessions. You also have a lost look to you.”

Jean thought about that while he ate a few bites of the apple. “I… my parents… they don’t want me anymore. I don’t know what to do,” he admitted as he stared out over the port.

It was quiet for a few minutes, until Lucien sighed. “No other family?”

“No.”

“Ah.”

They sat there in silence once again, yet Jean was grateful for the companionship, the warmth at his side. They drew a few odd looks, but no one else approached them; it made him feel safe while he once more tried to figure out what to do. Perhaps a homeless shelter?

He was startled when Lucien stood up. “Oh, you’re leaving?” For some reason he felt sad about that, even though he’d expected the boy to go back home at some point.

“Come on,” Lucien said as he tugged at Jean’s left arm.

“What?”

“You going to stay here all night? Have anywhere else to go?” When Jean shook his head to both questions, Lucien made a tsk’ing sound. “Then come with me.”

Jean stumbled to his feet, grateful that he wouldn’t be alone any longer. “Thank you.”

“You’re too trusting,” Lucien chided as they hurried into the ‘old’ section of the city. “We need to work on that. And let me do the talking when we get to the apartment, okay? My mom… she’s strict and she doesn’t like surprises, but she looks after me.”

“Okay.”

Lucien was fast on his feet; despite their height differences, Jean struggled to keep up with the younger boy. It took them over ten minutes to reach an apartment on the fourth floor of a building which had seen much better days, into which Lucien slipped in after undoing several locks. “Mum, I’m home, and I brought a guest,” he called out, almost like a warning.

A small woman with similar brown hair cut into a shoulder length bob and light brown eyes stepped out of the kitchen to give Lucien an intent look before she turned to Jean. She stared at him for a moment before she grabbed onto her son’s arm and dragged him into another room. Confused by her actions, Jean jumped when he heard what was clearly the sound of someone being slapped, then a furious voice speaking quietly. It sounded like a woman’s, and the words were in English.

While he could speak English somewhat well, he couldn’t follow the conversation in the other room, other than a few words – ‘danger’, ‘foolish’, ‘confuse them’, ‘three not two’, ‘no one else’. Jean got the impression that Lucien was arguing for him, and after several minutes, things quieted down. There was another slapping sound, and a few seconds later, the two came out into the sparsely furnished living room.

Lucien’s mother gave Jean a cold look, her arms folded over her chest, while Lucien, his left cheek reddened from the slaps, offered an encouraging smile. “My son tells me that you’ve nowhere else to go.” Her voice was had a slight rasp to it, as if from smoking, and her gaze was sharp as if she missed little. Jean’s impression of her was that, despite her small stature, she was someone to listen to and respect.

“Yes, ma’am.”

She gave a slight nod as in approval for his respectful manner. “My son thinks we should take you in, even though we’re not in the best situation ourselves. Are you truly willing to leave everything behind, to do exactly what I say and not ask questions?”

Jean thought about Sophie… then thought about the cheap suitcase, about all the money in the shoe box, about his parents’ plan to move on without him. “Yes,” he agreed; if he had to leave everything behind, at least it was his choice. “Uhm, I can help out a little,” he offered as he dug into his bag for the money.

There was a slight (very slight) thaw in the woman’s demeanor (what did Jean call her?) when she saw the money; she motioned for Jean to set it down on the small coffee table. “That will help,” she said with an approving nod. “Go with Lucien, listen to what he says since you’re his responsibility now.” She gave her son a stern look while she fetched a coat which was draped over the back of the worn couch. “I’ll be back in a few hours. We’re leaving in the morning.” She grabbed three rolls of money which she stuffed into her purse and left the apartment.

Confused and amazed over what had just happened, Jean turned toward Lucien, who motioned him into a tiny kitchen. “Let’s get something to eat while I explain things to you,” the boy said. “It’s going to be a busy night.”

Jean set his bag down and followed his new friend.

*******

So without being all info-dumpy... Neil argued for Jean to tag along so they throw off anyone looking for them by there being three people/ a woman with two boys not a woman with one boy. Or even hey, a woman with a boy and a girl, not just a woman with one child. Mary (and even Neil, let’s be real) probably thinks that she can dump Jean in a few weeks or something, but yeah, that’s not gonna happen. It’s JEAN.

I figured this is within the first year after they left Baltimore, so Neil is easily swayed by Jean’s big grey eyes. He’s a bit of a softie. Mary is willing to try something different for a couple weeks (ha!) and the money helps.

And no duffel bag yet, the thing would be about the same size as our little Neil. He’ll get one in a couple years.

[bloody-wonder]

Every time I come across one of those posts or fics about how Andrew should feel bad about choking Kevin/how it was bad writing for Nora to have Andrew do it, it always seems to be Kevin superfans who are upset that Kandreil didn’t make it into the final draft. And every time I’m just baffled. How can people possibly feel so slighted by the exclusion of a pairing that Nora has said wouldn’t have made sense or been healthy in the final story anyway? The entitlement is just ridiculous

wowowow some juicy unpopular opinions are on the menu today!

i have a lot to say so buckle up. it’s gonna be one of those rants.

i have answered an ask about choking already. to sum it up: is choking kevin an acceptable mature way to express frustration at your bf being kidnapped by the mafia? no. is it in character for andrew? yes. will andrew apologize for it? no. will he and kevin still be friends? yes. 

first of all, i personally don’t see why kandreil would be unhealthy. i haven’t read nora’s statement about it but she didn’t elaborate, did she? it would be interesting to know why she thinks so but that’s unlikely to happen seeing as every word she utters about the characters she created gets her unproportional amounts of hate.

that being said, i totally see why kandreil would be out of character for the versions of kevin, neil and andrew that we see in the books. the relationships between kevin and the other two are certainly intense but i wish i didn’t have to suggest in the year of our lord 2020 that relationships can be intense without being sexual or romantic.

lets look at neil who’s canonically demi which means he has to have a profound emotional bond with a person in order to feel something like that for them. he has developed this bond with andrew throughout the books because they have similar backgrounds and are uniquely positioned to understand each other but more importantly because neil was put in a situation where he had to constantly actively communicate with andrew. andreil dialogues take up a large part of the books and enable us to see how andreil develops and works. nothing comparable happens between neil and kevin. they have a different dynamic altogether where neil looks up to kevin in the beginning for his exy skills and in turn kevin looks up to neil in the end for his being feisty in the face of imminent doom skills. neil chose to throw his anonymity away in order to stand up for kevin at kathy’s show which must mean he values kevin a lot, but he also antagonized him throughout the books, faulted him for not getting over his trauma in a timely manner and said the meanest things to him. a great and complex dynamic by all means. i have no complaints whatsoever and certainly don’t see them falling in love.

now lets look at andrew who isn’t aspec and has probably checked kevin out seeing as kevin is conventionally attractive. kevin & andrew is one of the most complex and interesting relationships i’ve ever seen in fiction. when we first encounter them their interactions are so intense that many readers (and neil) have interpreted them as a couple (because like i said before we tragically live in a society where tension is always seen as sexual). kevin and andrew met at such a time in their lives when they sorely needed something only the other was able to give: for kevin it was someone to stop him from returning to an abusive environment and for andrew it was someone who could see his real potential and worth behind his hostile manic exterior. so they started this weird co-dependent non-friendship which didn’t turn into anything else because - my big guess - neither of them wanted it to. andrew knows when he wants to fuck someone and knows how to arrange it but he didn’t with kevin because he already was a more important person to him than, for example, roland. the risks outweighed the benefits. but andrew did “arrange” it with neil probably because neil had something to offer which kevin had not. unlike kevineil where extensive relationship development had to take place in order for it to happen, kandrew could happen just because one of them suggested it. but guess what neither of them did and it’s canon. i for one am very happy that this unique exciting relationship wasn’t spoiled by romance.

finally lets look at kevin who isn’t a pov character like neil nor a character who’s constantly in neil’s focus of attention like andrew. we don’t have a comparable amount of information about kevin’s inner world so we have to surmise a lot of it just based on what neil cared to impart. so naturally the interpretations will differ. i personally see no signs of kevin being attracted to any person or any gender at any point in the books. there’s thea of course but she’s such an obvious last minute addition that i don’t even want to consider her. the kevin i know is living his best life as an unmarried childless aroace exy legend surrounded by friends and family and friends who are family. i’m aroace and imagining kevin single and happy is very important to me. it’s probably equally important to kandreil shippers to see some good polyamorous rep which is only slightly less rare in media than aroace rep. but the difference between me and kandreil shippers is that i have a magical ability to disagree with the author without cursing the very earth she walks upon.

ah yes, another difference is of course that they have an argument set in stone - kandreil was canon in earlier drafts. but do you know what else was there in the earlier drafts? jean was dead in them. so was erik in some of them which made nicky a different person altogether. also i distinctly remember nora writing that she has been developing this story for so long that she has shipped all the possible pairings at some point or another. kandreil aren’t special in that sense. what i am getting at is that in order to have a productive discussion we have to choose a particular draft of the story and stick to it, so if it’s a kandreil draft we have to know what else was different in that version, and if it’s the books then well kandreil isn’t canon in them end of story. 

that of course doesn’t mean that people can’t write absolutely stellar kandreil fanfics but it does mean that they have to dial down what you called “the entitelment”. because aftg means different things to different readers and if you insult the author for writing it the way you don’t like you also insult the readers who see themselves represented in the way the story is written. and kandreil fans are so aggressive. it’s smart of you sending the ask on anon cause otherwise they’d come for you so fast you wouldn’t know what hit you. just the other day i saw a post which basically said that the reason kevin is portrayed in fics in such a reductive way and writers don’t know what to do with him except make fun of his exy obsession and alcoholism is because andreil is built on the bones of kandreil and, being excluded from this relationship by the author, kevin can never be happy. this take right here illustrates very clearly that the shipping culture damages human brain in such a way that a fulfilling life outside a romantic relationship becomes inconcievable. fic writers diminish kevin to those things not because nora decided she wants her final draft to be about andreil, but because most of them aren’t able to write about a character unless they’re in a relationship. maybe some day fanfiction will develop past that but today is not that day.

i have read some kandreil fanfiction to see what the fuss is all about and my expert opinion is that all of it is ooc. clearly in order for kandreil to happen some manipulations with the existing characters have to be made. i consider myself a kevin superfan but i mean the kevin as he is in the books (and in my awesome hc). the kevin in kandreil fics i don’t know, he’s a character from a book i didn’t read so he can do whatever and date whoever, i don’t care either way. i only care when people insult the books, andreil or nora because they’re bitter that their ship isn’t canon. what a way to live in the year of our lord 2020. 

[kreekey]

examples of people being racist toward yoko unintentionally: 1- calling her a weird stalker when they glorify/don't mind the many white fangirls who used to stalk the Beatles. 2- spreading misinformation that she lost custody of her daughter when in fact she'd won against her white crazy ex despite everything NOT in favour of her 3- bashing her for using John's glasses on the album cover she worked with John on, when they would've praised the artistry and bold statement if she was a white woman

Hey sorry I got around to answering your ask so late! You make a lot of really interesting points and I rarely hear people consider that. 

1 - reminds me of a Tumblr post I saw about an obsessive Beatlemaniac stalker and people were like “me” or “bless her” haha. Definitely different when they can interpret Yoko’s actions as “stalking”. And your point also reminds me of this quote, which isn’t about fangirls but still somewhat kinda related.

“Like Yoko when she met John, Linda was a divorced woman with a daughter when she met Paul mere months later.  There are stories similar to those about Yoko of her “scheming” to meet and marry Paul.  In the same way that Yoko is said to have joked prior to meeting him that she was “going to marry John Lennon,” Linda joked like any woman with a celebrity crush about how she was “going to marry Paul McCartney.”  (Bob Spitz notes both in his book The Beatles.  Guess which one he thought was conniving, and which one he thought was adorable.)... Was it the lucky fact that Linda got the scene a few months later than Yoko, or was it her whiteness?“ 

X

And I don’t have the answer if it was Yoko’s race that made her such a target, but it’s something interesting to consider and note. [And I’ll clarify this, I'm pretty sure Yoko didn't know about the Beatles until she became face to face with one, like she wasn't a fan who got lucky enough to meet her idol. In the David Frost interview and the 1971 Rolling Stone interview, John noted that Yoko didn't know him when they met, and Yoko Ono: Collector of Skies by Neil Beram says this on their meeting: "She was about as familiar with John's work as he was with hers. "I was an underground person, and such an artistic snob," she said later. "I knew about The Beatles, of course... but I wasn't interested in them." Just about the only thing she could recall about them was the drummer Ringo Starr's first name, because ringo means "apple" in Japanese.”] Also, and this definitely wasn’t stalking, but I posted a quote from Bob Spitz’ biography where he writes along the lines of

“[Linda] always insisted that she was going to marry Paul McCartney,” [Nat Weiss] recalls, “even before she met him”... It was no accident that Linda Eastman veered into his aura. She’d taken a few polite shots of Ringo and George before “zeroing in on Paul,”... Linda had come dressed to kill. Most days she played the typical rock chick, decked out in rumpled jeans and a T-shirt, with little or no makeup and unwashed hair. But today her hair had been carefully blow-dried so that it fell perfectly forward in wing points at her chin. And she was dressed in an expensive double-breasted striped barbershop jacket arranged just so over a sheer black sweater, with a miniskirt that flattered her gorgeous legs. When she squatted down – not so subtly, in what must have been a rehearsed gesture – in front of Paul for an intimate chat, he had trouble keeping his eyes from wandering below-decks...

, and some people commented that it appeared kinda predatory/pre-planned (reminds me of some criticism of Francie Schwartz’s meeting with Paul), but overall cute and everything. At the time I wondered how people would react if Yoko did that to John lol. No way of knowing, just a thought. And also, I know Yoko sent him Grapefruit and little instructions often, I think that’s usually what people cite as the stalking, that she tried to ensnare him with it. Again quoting Yoko Ono: Collector of Skies, 

For a time Yoko kept in touch with John by mailing him daily instructions-she called this Dance Event-that said things like "Dance" and "Watch all the lights until dawn" and "I'm a cloud. Watch for me in the sky." John found the instructions as perplexing as he found them intriguing.

And quoting this interview (in which she also asserts that “each and every occasion she visited John at Kenwood, it was at his invitation.”),

Despite the popular theory that Yoko was frantically inventing schemes to snare the wealthy Beatle, she was struggling with problems in her marriage [with Tony Cox] and also working hard to establish her career in the UK. Arriving in London in September 1966 to perform at the ‘Destruction In Art Symposium’, Yoko was already respected as an avant-garde artist and performer in New York, where she was allied to the Fluxus movement. She had a trained musical background, and had recently been involved in the improvisational music favoured by her peer group. She had also compiled a book of conceptual and instructional pieces called Grapefruit, and printed up a limited edition.

Yoko distributed copies to a number of influential people during 1966-’67. And John Lennon was one of the recipients. This has since been interpreted as one of various ruses on Yoko’s part to enchant Lennon.

She retorts: “There was a myth that I sent Grapefruit to him… how I wanted to trap him. It was a printed, published book. I had an orange carton of them, a lot of it. I would be giving it to critics. It was that sort of thing. He wasn’t the only one who got it.”

X

And by then, John had already eagerly offered to sponsor one of her shows, I think he was genuinely interested in her work. I don’t think John was actually threatened by these notes or felt he was harassed, especially since he made the jump to invite her over while his wife was away (and Yoko just thought it was a party!). He once referred to Yoko “someone that could turn me on to a million things” in the Lennon Remembers interview, he admired her art. And I know he said to Cyn that the letters were just junk from another one of those weird artists, but c’mon, what do you think John would say to his wife regarding the woman he’s romantically interested in? I don’t think it would’ve been fully truthful IMO, especially considering when John said that he nearly invited Yoko to India around that time because he liked her so.

2 is very true. Tony himself tried to make it seem like Yoko and John were crazy heroin druggies, and that's the case he tried to make (and that’s what he tried to tell Kyoko, that he was “saving” her from drug obsessed occultists). But, Yoko had gone “cold turkey” (ala the song) off heroin in 1969. This was 2 years before she won full custody in 1971. 

Although neither parent had been awarded sole custody of the child, Mr. Cox became increasingly reluctant to let Yoko and her new husband spend time with Kyoko, and finally refused to permit it at all. For a year before the Lennons came to America, they had been chasing Mr. Cox and Kyoko around Europe. In Majorca, Spain, the Lennons caught up with them and spirited Kyoko off to their hotel; but Mr. Cox called the police, and a Spanish court gave the child back to him. The incident added to his fear that the Lennons wanted to take her away from him for good.

Soon after the Lennons arrived in New York, they went to the United States Virgin Islands, to the same court where Yoko had been divorced, and that court awarded her permanent custody of her daughter.

X

But, Tony then took Kyoko to Texas (hiding/kidnapping her) which was in violation of that court order. Then more custody battle due to Tony’s stubbornness and evasiveness, but yes, Yoko did win custody then despite everything (even though John was very threatened by Tony lol, to the point he disallowed Yoko to visit him alone in order to discuss co-parenting when that was an option and suggested kidnapping Kyoko. But then again Tony was also kinda crazy. Seriously though IMO Yoko really tried gallantly to have Kyoko in her life, and the loss hurt her. To hear people try to spin it as Yoko being the monster in the situation through misinformation is unfortunate.)

3 is hypothetical, but I do speculate that if Yoko was white, the attitude toward her would’ve been different. Sean said, “It’s intense how racist the world is. If my mother had looked like Debbie Harry, I really think the reaction would have been different.” (X) Yoko’s former partner, Sam Havadtoy, also touched on this in an interview from 1990:

Q: ...No matter what Yoko does, she’s frequently the victim of a bad press. Any idea why?

Havadtoy: After John’s death, newspapers wrote that Yoko was this selfish person hoarding John’s memory, controlling it, not willing to share it with his fans. So after two years, she puts out 200 hours of film footage and a record and they say she’s exploiting John’s memory. She can’t win.

Q: Why not?

Havadtoy: Racism. If she were blond-haired and blue-eyed, nobody would have blamed her for breaking up the Beatles. They were the darlings of the universe; she was an outsider, an Oriental, an avant-garde artist--easy to pick on. When John married Yoko, the British press wrote: “At least he will have clean laundry.” And it’s still happening. America is infatuated with Japan-bashing. 

X

And I do think Season Of Glass was a memory thing, I posted about it here: X. 

And yes, I think that much of Yoko’s criticism/legacy was rooted in that initial reaction, which was pretty sexist and racist. But I think that influence can still be felt today, in ways that aren’t obvious. And like you said, unintentional. (Before anyone gets mad, if you dislike or hate Yoko that doesn't automatically make you racist lol. But the narrative built around her might’ve influenced your opinion of her, and the narrative was kinda rooted in a racist mentality. So that’s why and re-interpreting her in a fresh light is necessary).

[fxvixen]

every fandom, at some point i typically end up trying to fit the characters into a marching band setting (because i spent so much time doing it myself), but the problem with the foxes is that i seriously can’t see most of them participating. i feel like it’s not in their personalities and there’s usually no scholarships, but i’m going to forget their pasts and circumstances and just assume they all ended up here for one reason or another and try to decide where they’d go....... (disclaimer: i only intimately know about color guard, flute, and saxophone so don’t come at me for things about the other instruments. also, this is under the assumption that they chose instruments when they were younger and evolved as they grew) 

Andrew: i can’t stop seeing him on the quads/tenor drums. i literally can’t see him on any instrument but drums, and then i feel like andrew was subconsciously like “more drums must be harder, and i don’t want it to be boring” so he went for that. maaayyyybe he’d try for like, tuba or sousa because “they have less notes, less work” or something but i don’t think he’d want to start out on trumpet to get there. it would be hilarious to see 5ft andrew with a massive sousaphone though

Aaron: they didn’t talk about it at all beforehand but they both chose drums and aaron fucking hates andrew for it, but he also gets it because he didn’t want any of the other starter instruments either. but when they get to college aaron is like “we’re not fucking doing the same thing anymore” and he sticks with snare (pun intended) and he’s determined to be better than andrew could ever be 

Allison: I’m tempted to say color guard but i think she’d start out on trumpet or clarinet because of the showiness, and she’d stay for the technicality and difficulty. she probably wouldn’t go for flute because she wouldn’t want to be seen as “girly” or “soft.” she might do winter guard just to say she can do both and that wouldn’t interfere with marching band, but i think in marching band she’d stick with her instrument. personally i choose trumpet for her

Dan: i feel like dan is really similar, but she wants something with a commanding presence and versatility, rather than something that’s necessarily seen as “hard.” but i feel like she’d pick trumpet as well and she and allison started out at each other’s throats competitive but now they have a friendly rivalry. maybe sometimes she thinks about learning saxophone

Renee: she can passably play piano because of lessons when she was very young, but she does it when the moment strikes her, not with any sort of regularity. she chose to learn flute next, because of the soft and beautiful sound. don’t fucking challenge her scales or runs because she’ll fucking leave you in her dust. piccolo for marching band isn’t something she would have chosen, but she kills it for a year before she decides to try out for color guard and she falls in love. she has thoughts that one day she’ll learn a string instrument, but right now she’s learning clarinet because she’s heard how tricky oboe is and she wants to give that a try. maybe she’ll go for saxophone after that. 

Matt: saxophone looks cool so he does it. he thinks the other instruments are cool, but he just thinks that saxophone is so fun. he tries tenor and that’s also fun, and the baritone is so cool because of how low it can go, and the saxophone family is the best and has tons of variety. dan does make trumpet look like a good time sometimes though. and trombone looks pretty cool too. but saxophone is the best obviously. 

Nicky: he’s just here for a good time and maybe to keep an eye on the twins, and color guard looked like fun, so he tried out, and it’s way more work than he thought it was going to be, but when he catches a perfect toss or finally gets his leg movement right under his silk, he feels like maybe this is something he does for himself too

Kevin: you know he was trained as a classical pianist from birth, and probably on a string instrument too to support riko’s career as a violinist. but kevin was like “fuck that” and he started to learn saxophone as soon as possible because he was interested in jazz since he was never allowed to play that style on the piano. he likes the idea of playing improvised solos and experimenting with rhythm and notes, and during marching band season he’s constantly yelling at the rest of his section that they can’t just play loud they have to play with musicality (matt rolls his eyes and plays over kevin talking)

Seth: trombone. he and his grade are the ones that give the trombones a bad reputation of not taking it seriously because they don’t. the younger trombones vow to turn the trombone section around.

Neil: also trained classical pianist, but one time he was asked to accompany Jean’s clarinet solo and he wanted to learn from that moment on, so when he had the choice he chose to learn clarinet, and he put his heart and soul into it, and now sometimes he and Kevin practice improvising together, and even though they don’t know each other’s instruments exactly, they know enough to critique each other and get into heated arguments. 

now imagine all of them with their respective instruments out in the heat of august in only shorts (and sports bras) sweating balls and they’re doing the same set for like the 15th time today because somebody didn’t stop on their dot. “water break is as soon as no one fucks up, but apparently that’s too much to ask for” - wymack from the director’s platform. odds are good one section is moving like 15 yards in 8 counts. 

(it’s hard to make friends outside your section, so maybe they’re in an exy club outside of the band, idk, like i said, it’d be hard to write in character, but these were some of my thoughts)

[i-did]

if you’ve addressed this before I apologize but what do you think of claims that Kevin is a poc coded character and his supposed “mistreatment” is fandom racism?

I mean Nora definitely intended for Kevin to be white while writing him, as she did with all other characters who races are not stated as otherwise. And like, I think I’ve seen the post you're talking about and what they describe is not what coding actually means.* There also isn't any textual basis for Kevin to be a POC besides Wymack, who people often see as non-white due to the discomfort over his 90’s tribal tattoos. IDC if people HC Kevin as a POC, but usually he’s just vaguely tan in the way people make Neil. You’ll see a “The Rock” FC for Wymack, but I haven't seen anything that actually goes beyond that. I’ve seen fic’s actively treat Dan, Matt, and Renee racistly, but Neil and Kevin get the same “vaguely tan” treatment and therefore avoid it. Nicky and Riko are different since they're canonly POC and not fanonly, so they fall into a different area. 

I would also say Kevin is a pretty common fandom favorite too? So I would disagree with that claim as well. Most people I talk to their favorite is either Andrew or Kevin it seems, then like a few Aaron lovers, and my personal favorite is Neil. These are all canonly white main characters–and are largely still depicted and treated as such. Dan, Matt, Nicky, and Renee are all larger characters than Jean or Jeremy, and besides Nicky, are intended to be white but the fandom decided weren't. So Dan, Matt and Renee all get pushed to the sidelines over favorable ‘white’ characters. Fandom’s racism actually has such wild layers tbh, same with its misogyny, but that’s another thing. 

I do think with a lot of the characters in AFTG adding headcanons making them POC can add an entire new layer to the canon and recontextualize scenes and struggles which would make some themes a lot stronger–I do this with most of the foxes in fact. 

But Kevin to me, if I do HC him as a POC, he is going to be white-passing and raised essentially believing he is white until he learns otherwise. 

Kevin to me is very peak white guy. I love him as a character, but book 1 he shows very typical white guy arrogance. He comes to a team and bosses them around while also dismissing them in the same breath. He believes he is owed something from the people around him, and they will blindly follow him and do what he says. They should always listen to him, and he automatically knows what is best–better than Dan. This feeling of “what I ask will be given, and I am above them” is definitely due to the raven mentality of everyone is inferior, but I’m sure there were racist raven recruits along the way, and Kevin is usually HC to be brown and not East Asian/Japanese, which experiences a very different type of racism. I believe if Kevin was a brown MOC… he would act differently. 

Personally, I see white-passing Kevin discovering he’s not actually white as much more narratively interesting and fitting. His mom is Irish, and it's very rare for a mixed kid to be perceived by society to look more related to their white parent than their brown parent–unless of course they're white-passing. And since the fandom usually has Wymack be a MOC, then it would make sense for this green-eyed light skin baby that never is outside but when he is he just kinda tans but is still light skinned, and think “yeah I believe her when she said he’s not my kid.” I also think it could fit Kevin’s arc of realizing Exy isn't all there is to him, in fact there is a whole culture and a father waiting for him to connect with, that he didn’t even know was there ‘as an option.’ it gives him something else to tack onto his identity as well that he had no idea about and was sheltered from. 

I’m still not solid on my own HC for Wymack and Kevin and if he will be white-passing or just white yet, but I play around with the idea sometimes for sure. But I don’t ever see him as visibly a POC. He feels no need to prove himself like Thea does and the media is shown to go easier on him as well as the foxes. The foxes are annoyed with him, but they ignore it, and the media forgives him easily and fawns over him, telling him he’s handsome and talented. Kevin from an outside perspective is very privileged in a way that parallels with Allison a lot actually. Who was based off of Paris Hilton– disowned wild child of a rich family that owns Hilton hotels, struggled with the public eye and is credited as the original influencer. 

*But yeah POC coding isn’t really a term like queer-coding is. Queerness is something that must be unstated for various reasons, which led to coding for either vilification or because there was no other way for it to be shown. But media dives pretty hard into ‘othering’ with POC, doing it’s best to show all the ways whiteness is different from ‘the rest’ by playing up stereotypes or extra emphasis on non-white features. I mean the first ever ‘talkie’ or modern day movie, had blackface in it, (the jazz singer). There is no perceived societal need for ‘POC coding’. There is such thing as ‘Jew coding’ however, which again is used for vilification and dates back pretty far in depictions of devils in churches in Europe. Kevin isn't shown as a ‘gay pervert’ like queer-coding does, or ‘dark curly hair and a strong nose, with his hands rubbing together’ like Jew-coding does. POC aren’t treated with coding but rather a full dive into minstrel depictions instead. 

Kevin is shown as sympathetic but also struggling, he is a victim, but he is also harsh. He is struggling with addiction that gets enabled by the other people around him who don’t know a better way to help. He has an arc, he learns to grow, he gets the tattoo, he talks to Wymack, he fights with Dan, he speaks to Jean, he scores the last point on the winning game, he learns to stand up to Riko. He develops in the books, and is one of the 3 main characters, Neil, Andrew, and Kevin. 

I think the fandom definitely focuses mostly on Andrew and Neil, which is unsurprising since they're the main pairing and get the most development and attention by the author as well. But the nature of fandom and fanfiction typically is to have all the background characters act as overly invested props to get the main paring ending up together. That's just kinda the way fanfiction typically goes. Kevin still largely is a character with his own thing going on, often recovery or dating other people or grumbling in the background with his own thoughts, in fics a lot more than any of the other characters in AFTG who aren't Andrew and Neil. I don’t think Kevin gets excessively ‘mistreated’ either, I think he gets a lot of the similar flattening out of his character we see a lot in general in fandom, whether its for a joke post or a fic.

[sadboyayeron]

THE ONLY VALID MORIYAMA Nikoshi Doe

I came up with this Idea of Kevin having to raise Rikos son who’s name I decide would be Nikoshi Doe aka Niko

Enjoy

So If you Read “Tapping on my Chamber door” 

You know Nikoshi’s mother, Naima Dixon was born in Jamaica but came to the states at a young age after her mom past away.  She lived in the Bronx with her Aunt. She had tight curls aften in box breads or corn cornrows and dark skin with light brown eyes. She was 5’8.  Had a muscular build from all the years of track and had a scholarship to run at Eager Allen University. She was soon to have a spot on the olympic team for long jump, 100, 200 and 400 meters. She was then pregnant with Nikoshi after her and Riko started there little hook up.  The knew of each other but they first met in class.  She noticed Riko looking at her.

“Like what you see.”  I was trying to catch him off guard but he didn’t even look surprise.  But then he smiled.  Something sharp that left me feeling tingly, similar to how I feel before racing.  

“Not to bad, no.”  He chuckled, looked me up and down before he landed back on my eyes, “Want to sit.”

He left me in a trance and I took a seat next to him and sat my books in front of me.  I tucked some braids behind my ear and looked at him again, he was looking back with a smug smile on his face.  

At first I was thinking Nikoshi was Rikos frozen sperm and his mother was forced by Rikos uncle to have him BUT I decide that Riko died before he knew about Naima being pregnant She found out she was pregnant and went to Riko’s uncle for help and he said to give him the kid and she could get her scholarship Back.  So she agreed naming him “Nico” but sadly she died while giving birth from bleeding out. Tesuji doesn’t use that name and changes it to ‘Nikoshi’ stripping him of any last name (Doe) putting the kid into the system in the same place she grow up in Bronx. Ichirou is informed of Nikoshi ten years later after having his Uncle killed. Who then informs kevin.

Nikoshi is from the Bronx has a accent when he speaks. He knows Spanish because of the amount of Dominican and Puerto Rican foster parents he’s had.  Kinda understands broken english two because one of his foster brothers was from Jamaica which is cool because he knows he’s half Jamaican and some type of asian. He wears beat up high top jordan 1s baggy ripped jeans and long sleeves with a baggy jacket. He plays soccer because the system put him on a team and he’s very fast. He didn’t have much clothes but his best ones are the uniforms and he’s fine with that. He also plays street basketball and baseball with some kids in the area.

Kevin has to take Nikoshi in, according to Ichirou. Bringing Neil and Andrew with him. Ichirou just sent him a picture a kid and he was confused until he got that call that explained everything. He doesn’t need to explain who the kid is because you can clearly tell from the picture. Though the kid has milk cholclate skin, and curly hair that falls around his head in a fro.

When he frist sees Nico he has a scrape scab on his cheek, bruises on his wrist and purple knuckles. His ears a surprisingly pierced.

They find out Nikoshi Doe goes by Niko, he likes chocolate and cafe con leche (coffee), he likes shoes, he likes the color green, he uses a lot of slang and sometimes uses broken english and spanglish words, he’s quite but hyper and doesn’t know how to say still, asks why a lot, he hates math and likes to read, he loves listening to music it’s his safe place, he was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD and takes a pill in the morning and after noon on school days, he doesn’t like the way the pills make him feel, he likes Bee, Bee suspects Niko my be Borderline but it’s hard to tell, Kevin explains Riko was too.  When they go to pick up Nikoshi they are informed of his diagnoses. 

“So Kevin Day, It is very nice to meet you my husband loves watching you guys play Exy,” She smiled at them and then opened a drawer in her desk pulling out two folders.“ Now these paper were just printed out today.  One from Nikoshi’s Doctor and another from his psychologist.”  Kevin straightened his back more at that.

“Psychologist?”  She looked up at Kevin.

“Yes, a lot of children in foster care go to see a therapist.  It helps cope with abandonment and makes sure the kids are transitioning well in their new homes.”  She opened one of the folders.  “Nikoshi saw a therapist who recommended him to a psychologist.  He was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD and given medication.  He went through three different medications before he was put on Focalin XR.  His biggest issues are impulsivity, managing feelings, and energy.  There is more information in the folder with getting the prescription at a pharmacy and things to know about his behavior.  He takes Focalin every morning before school, its not needed on the weekends but to long off it isn’t the best idea.  Though if you want him off the medication, if you ever come to adopting him you can do that.”  She looked towards the other two. “Will you two be helping take care of Nikoshi.”

“Yeah we are, is there anything else we need to know.  If he needs a therapist we already got that covered.  We can send her the information.”  Neil replied with a bored tone but

“Thats good to know, he just saw the doctor last week.  He gained some weight and is now at a more healthier weight then he was before.”  She sighed. “You have to reminded him to eat, he forgets to and he doesn't ask for food.  The foster home he was just at was good with keeping a schedule, he ate, took his meds, ate at school, had a snack at home, soccer practice and then dinner.  He gets distracted and has little habits that cause him focus to much on random things.  The meds take away his hunger also, so it important that he finishes.”  She then closed both folders and stacked them together before sliding them to Kevin.  

Kevin didn’t know how to process that.  This information sounded to familiar.  He always had to remind Riko to eat something.  Riko would go days without eating, or sleeping, or even both.  It got so bad the master had to tube feed him because he past out and didn’t get back up.  Niko always got back up.  He was taken out of his thoughts when the lady, Jennifer stood.  He picked up the folders and got up following Andrew and Neil out the door.  Nikoshi was still sitting in his chair, he was singing his legs slowly and seemed fixated on his hands.

“Nikoshi, these gentlemen here are going to be your new guardians,”  Niko looked up at them.  He got a better look at there faces, now that the glasses were off he could easily recognize who the taller man was with the chess piece on his cheek bone.  He was confused o say the least.  This had to be some sick joke, or a stupid stuPID dream.  He looked at the other too, the screw that littered the red heads tan face and the man with blond hair and black studs.

“Deadass?”  He blurted out suddenly.  Fuck.  He did not mean to blurt that out.  Kevin day looked taken back by his statement and the other too snickered from slightly behind him.  The lady looked horrified.

Riko used to self harm, stop eating for days, wouldn’t sleep for days either.  His uncle had to force him into a tube feeder once because of this.  Kevin and Riko had to see a therapist and she diagnosed Riko. His uncle disregarded it and gave him sum type of pills that made Riko’s anger at himself turn down a bit but he was more depressed. He tried to commit 3 times after. Kevin made him promise not to. He flushed the pills and started to abuse others.

Kevin explains this to Neil and Andrew.  They then try to learn more about BPD.  They watch youtube videos, read articles and books on it till they had a better understanding of the disorder.  They learn about the self-destructive tendencies and suicidal gestures that are quite common with the disorder.  They all try there best to build a good support system. 

Niko has a hard time with his identity and ‘who he is’,  he tries to remember that Kevin wants him and isn't going to abandon him, he tries to keep his shifts in moods to himself but in only makes things worse.  He tends to shut down in his room more often then not.  He finds himself getting angry at little things knowing he shouldn’t but he still does.  Anger attacks aren't as bad as the empty feeling he gets sometimes.

When Niko meets all the foxes he drifts more towards Nicky for whatever reason.  He finds that he like Nickys happy vibes and feels it radiate from him.  He likes to soak in it.

Niko likes talking to Neil, he gets candy from Andrew, and he likes playing Exy with Kevin. He didn’t like school and says it’s hard for him but he still makes honor roll no problem.

During the second month of school when he first started living with Kevin he expriences racism for maybe the first time.  He didn’t have any friends, nor knew anybody.  He could tell he was different from the other kids.  They were mostly white with a splash of color here and there.  The way they talked and walked was different then how he did.  He didn’t grew up with white picket fences like they seemed to.  They dressed different too.  He didn’t like the stares he was getting from the kids in his class.

“Nice hair are you a girl?”  One of the boys said, with his little click at his back.  It was recess and Niko stuck to staying to himself drawling in his note book that Andrew gave him. 

“No.”  The boys continued to laugh.  He hated when people talked about his hair.  He didn't like his hair.  Especially when his foster mothers always tugged and pulled on it.  That wasn't just it though.  It reminded him of his foster father Mr. James.

“Such pretty hair.”

The boys crept closers and Niko started to feel closed in.  One of them pulled out scissors and two grabbed him by the shoulders.  One talked about how there dad said them Black boys need to cut there hair.  Another used a slur Niko heard a lot back in the Bronx, used it himself when with the kids in the neighborhood but he never heard it used like this.  He started to struggle but another one grabbed his face and held him down so his face fell between his knees.  He felt chuncks of hair being cut of from his head as they fell down his back and some at his feet.  

He felt his eyes water and struggled harder.  He kicked the one to his right in the shin, knowing how much it hurt from when he played soccer with out shin guards.  The kids let go of that shoulder and he swung his arm hitting another kid.  They all let go once they heard a teacher yell at them.  Niko reached for the scissors and threw them in the grass.  The boys ran away and Niko was left to look at the small and large chunks of his hair on the concrete.  He didn’t mean to bother anybody.  He didn't ask to have this type of hair.  He didn’t ask to be different.  Sometimes he missed the Bronx but then remembered his foster sister getting shot, and his doped up foster parents he used to end up with.  He didn't want to go back, but he found himself missing it sometimes.

Nobody asked abut his hair during the rest of the school day.  Not even his teacher.  Its fine he didn't want to bother anybody.  When Andrew came to pick him up he was wearing his hoodie.  Today Neil and Andrew were coming over, so was Aaron.  Aaron practically lived with him and Kevin now though.  He said nothing on the way home.  He didn't want to bother them.  He was trying his hardest not to.  

But then he got home he went straight to the bathroom and locked the door.  He didn’t hear Kevin nor Aaron calling him.  He stared in to the mirror and glared at himself.  Disgusting. You look like a girl. He ripped off his hood and he felt something in himself crack.  His hair was clearly uneven.  Some areas you couldn’t tell but he could see how his curls on his forehead were shortened compared to the pieces on the sides.  He could tell where every spot was that had been cut, like there were circles showing him where to look.  A broken sob cut through his throat.  The tears rolled down his cheeks.  He always thought he was an ugly crier.  He grabbed his hair and pulled.  He kept pulling till he felt arms wrap around his torso.  He wanted to fight who ever they were off but he couldn't.  They grabbed his hands but they couldn't pry them from his hair.  He heard someone calling his name and found a face to that voice.  He noticed another person accompanied him in the mirror.  Holding on to him.  It wasn’t his voice he heard though.  He saw the other three at the bathroom entrance but it was Aaron standing closest to him.

“Niko its okay, let go buddy.”  He didn’t know if he meant his hands or his feelings but he let them go.  He saw more pieces of hair fall through his hands but ignored it and them screamed.  Kevin turned him around and held him again.  Kevin lowered himself to his knees to let Niko cry and scream into his neck.  He rubbed his back till he calmed down.  Neil and Andrew left to prepare some ice cream and play music.  Kevin noticed the hair that fell to the floor and so did Aaron.  It didn’t match the amount that should still be connected to his head.

Niko told them what happened at school with less emotion then he displayed before.  They were all furious but chose to keep it inside to comfort Niko.  They called the school and told them what happened.  The school apologized but Kevin still wasn't letting Niko go back to that school.  He transferred Niko to another and reassured him it was okay and it was the same distance anyways.  They took Niko to the babor shop and they evened out his hair.  He got it cut some on the sides as well, allowing the back and top to be longer.  His hair showed more off his forehead and ear piercings now.  He felt more exposed, but was happy with the hair cut.

When he meets Dan she gives him oils and creams to put in his hair.  Even showed him how to wash it too, Matt helps.  He got to meet there kids.

Allison braided his hair down for when he graduated Elementary School.  She teaches how how to do other things like twist, braids, and box braids.

When he goes to college Renee helps him bleach the ends of his hair blond.

He has nightmares often. And likes to have hot chocolate to calm his nerves. He gets irritated easily, they learn. When he gets irritated he stops talking and fidgets, tapping his foot and cracking his knuckles. 

Kevin’s night terrors slowly fade as Riko’s dark shadow fades into Nikos warm glow.

Niko definitely learns how to skateboards when Aaron gives him his old one. Kevin likes to watch them practice it together.  Just like Aaron likes to watch Kevin teach Niko Exy.  He joins a team in Middle School.  He's definitely going to be something.

Hope you guys like this.  Leave ask and suggestions about Nikoshi Doe. I would love to hear about it and write the prompts.  

[tearsinyourhandarchivedblog]

『 billy hargrove as robin buckley : MAGIC ANON BODY SWAP : open 』

So I received this magic anon like weeks ago wanting me to write threads where Robin and Billy swapped bodies for a week. I finally am getting around to it. I wrote it so anyone could answer it. If not it can just be a one shot. Either way have fun!

Billy awoke with a pounding headache. Jesus, how much did he drink the night before? He couldn’t even remember. It was probably a lot. That would explain why he was in completely unfamiliar surroundings when he opened his eyes. This was just commonplace for Billy Hargrove. Go to a party, drink most of the contents of a keg, go home with some chick, fuck the night away and wake up in her bed. However, she was usually there in the bed with him for a round two. Not this morning. Instead he was laying on an old mattress on the floor with his body tangled in some black sheets and a purple comforter. The room was lit only by strands of purple Christmas lights tacked up along the ceiling and he was looking up at a giant poster of the chick from some band that he struggled to remember the name of. After a few minutes he gave up - not his type of girl anyway. Fuck those lights were hurting his eyes. He had to find his clothes and get the hell out there before the purple chick came back and he had to endure some awkward encounter. She’d left him in bed alone so it wasn’t his fucking problem that she’d return to find him not there. 

It was when he sat up he was hit with the worst pain ever. Felt like someone beat the shit out of him. It wasn’t an abnormal feeling for him considering that Neil did just that on a regular basis. But it was when he pulled the blankets back that he knew something wasn’t right. Those legs - bony, bruised and complete with childish bandaids on the knees - they definitely weren’t his. Not bad. But not his. What the hell was going on here? Of course being male, Billy’s hands wandered to the first place he could think of. His crotch. “Uh fuck no…” Or fuck yes - but that part would probably come later when he wasn’t so distraught about feeling a cunt instead of his cock. “What kind of Freaky Friday, fucking shit is this?” Hands traveled up more to what he would have normally found to be a very nice rack. An appreciation for that might come later too but first of all he had to find out who in the hell this body belonged to. Because it clearly wasn’t his. Jumping up he went directly to the old mirror on the dresser. Half of it was cracked but he could still clearly make out the image in the side that wasn’t. And what he saw was the craziest shit ever. Robin Buckley? No way in hell. Not only was he a girl but he was a complete zero of one on the social hierarchy of things as well. It took all his composure not to break the other half of the mirror. 

He had to figure this shit out but first he needed some liquor in his system to get rid of this headache. That shouldn’t be hard. Anyone that knew of Buckley knew full and well her father was an alcoholic. There had to be something in this house. Hopefully old man Buckley himself wasn’t present. Not someone Billy would want to run into while he was trapped in his daughters body - especially considering the way it ached. It was apparent that Buckley and Hargrove suffered similar fates from their shitbag fathers. No wonder the girl always looked so damn miserable. Billy knew that if he couldn’t fight off Neil in his own body that his chances of fighting off Robin’s father in her body were extremely slim. Avoiding the man would be ideal. First order of business get dressed in something more substantial than a pair of boxers and a tank top. That was when it hit him that Buckley wore boxers. Cute. Anyway now wasn’t the time to think about that shit. Going to the closet he found a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Good enough. He caught a glimpse of the girl's battered body in the mirror as he changed into them. For fucksake, what was this man doing? Using her for boxing practice? Anyway - not his problem. Billy had more than enough shit of his own to worry about and the number one thing was getting out of this body - not giving a shit about what happened to it before he was trapped in it. 

After slipping his feet - or her feet - into a pair of worn red converse shoes it was time for the second order of business. Sneak out and make sure that Buckley wasn’t there so he could score himself some alcohol and maybe some of the man’s smokes. Inching the door open he slipped out into the hall and looked around. What a shithole? How did people live like this? It reeked of booze, smoke, trash and dirty dishes and that’s about what it looked like as well. God, please let this be temporary. He’d rather light a match and torch the place before actually living in it. Robin’s room wasn’t so bad but the rest of the place? There had to be a colony of roaches that called this place home as well. He looked out into the split living room and kitchen area of the crappy trailer and saw that the coast was clear but he had to give the other two rooms down the hall a quick check. Shitty bedroom number two clear. World's most disgusting bathroom grand prize winner, also clear. 

Satisfied, he walked out to the kitchen and opened the door to the refrigerator. His black nail polished hand had just curled around a can of the shittiest beer known to mankind when there was an incessant pounding on the front door. It sounded like it was going to rattle the thing right off it hinges. Out of instinct and annoyance Billy called out. “Hold on a goddamn minute would you?” Hearing that feminine voice instead of his own jarred him back to reality and the realization that he was going to have to deal with this person as Robin hit him hard. Fuck. Why had he even said anything? Too late now. Popping the tab on the beer he started to drink it as he walked towards the door. More pounding. “Jesus, I said hold the fuck on!” He didn’t know her well but he had a feeling his vocabulary choices didn’t exactly fit Robin Buckley. 

[livinglikebritishroyalty]

𝒮𝑒𝓇𝓋𝒾𝒸𝑒 𝒮𝓊𝓃𝒹𝒶𝓎: Not Finished!

𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓇

The Most Noble Order of the Garter

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𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓇 𝑅𝒶𝓃𝓀

The Most Senior Order of Knighthood in the British Honors System. This honor outranks The Victoria Cross & The George Cross,

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𝐹𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇

King Edward III of England in 1348

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𝐻𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓎 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓇

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒞𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃

The Order of the Garter was created on April 23rd, 1344 & was created to help King Edward’s claim to the French throne. The Order is dedicated to Saint George because he is the Patron Saint of England. The Most Noble Order of the Garter was inspired by the Spanish Order of the Band, which was created in 1330. 

𝑀𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒢𝒶𝓇𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒾𝓃 𝐹𝒶𝓂𝑜𝓊𝓈 𝒲𝓇𝒾𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓃 𝒫𝒾𝑒𝒸𝑒𝓈

(Joanot Martorell)

(John of Gaunt Duke of Aquitaine)

(Countess Isabella of Bedford)

The earliest mention of The Most Noble Order of the Garter was mentioned in Tirant to Blanch by Joanot Martorell, a chivalric romance piece of literature (A literary genre of high culture), which was written in Catalan (Now called Valencian Language) in 1490. King Edward III’s wardrobe shows that Garter habits first issued in 1348. The Middle English poem “Sir Gawain & the Green Knight,” which was written in the late 14th century, mentions The Most Noble Order of the Garter. In the poem, a girdle is very similar to a garter (in an erotic way). The poem also mentions a different version of the Order’s motto which is written “Corsed worth cowarddyse and couetyse bope,” which translates to “Cursed be both cowardice and coveting.” The author of the poem is argued by scholars but there is a connection between two candidates: John of Gaunt Duke of Aquitaine & Enguerrand VII de Coucy. Enguerrand was married to King Edward III’s daughter Countess Isabella of Bedford & was received the Order of the Garter on their wedding day.

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𝐿𝑒𝑔𝑒𝓃𝒹𝓈

(King Richard 1 of England)

Various stories & legends surround the origin of The Most Noble Order of the Garter. 

The most popular story involves Catherine (Grandison) Montagu The Countess of Salisbury. It is said, that the countess’s garter slipped off from her leg, while she was dancing at a court ball that took place in Calais, France. When the garter slipped from the countess’s leg, courtiers laughed & just watched the scene happen. The King saw what had happen & returned the garter to the Countess exclaiming “Honi soit qui mal y pense!" Which translates in English to “Shame on him who thinks ill of it!” This is saying that is written on the The Most Noble Order of the Garter. 

The earliest written story dates back to the 1460′s. A garter in the mid-14th century, was seen mostly as a item of male attire. Looking back on the story, the garter (that was seen as item of female underclothing), actually has the garter stated as a symbol of a band of knights.

A 2nd story is connected to King Richard I of England. In the 12th century, King Richard was inspired by St. George the Matyr, while he was fighting in the Crusades (A series of religious wars in Western Asia & Europe between the 11th & 17th century). The king tied garters around the legs of his knights, who won the battle. King Edward, recalled the story of King Richard during the 14th century when founding the The Most Noble Order of the Garter. This story is actually recounted in a letter to the Annual Register (A long-established reference work, written and published each year, which records and analyses the year's major events, developments and trends throughout the world) that was written in 1774.

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𝒟𝑒𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃 𝑜𝒻 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐸𝓂𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓂

The emblem for The Most Noble Order of the Garter is a garter with a written Middle French Moto that says "Honi soit qui mal y pense” which means “Shame on him who thinks evil of it” & the motto is written in gold lettering. The motto refers to King Edward’s claim to the French throne. The use of the garter with the emblem, derived from straps that are used to fasten armor & was chosen because of the tight-knit “band/bond” of Edward’s knightly cause supporters.

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𝑅𝑒𝒸𝑒𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓇

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒞𝒽𝑜𝑜𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒫𝓇𝑜𝒸𝑒𝓈𝓈

Each member would nominate 9 candidates who have the rank of either Earl or higher (3 members), have the rank of Baron or higher (3 members), & have the rank of Knight or higher (3 members). The Sovereign then personally chooses as many nominees that as necessary to fill any vacant spots in the current Order of the Garter. But with the nominees comes a decision. The Sovereign (He or She), are not obliged to choose the nominees who received the most nomination counts. This practice ended in 1860. Today, before receiving the The Most Noble Order of the Garter, an appointment is made with the Sovereign (A.K.A: The Queen) at sole discretion.

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒞𝒽𝑜𝑜𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒫𝓇𝑜𝒸𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝐻𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓎

(The Right Honorable Clement Attlee 1st Earl of Attlee)

(The Right Honorable Sir Winston Churchill)

During the 18th century, the Sovereign would choose those to serve on The Most Noble Order of the Garter, by the advice of the current Government. In 1946, membership of the United Kingdom’s highest ranking orders of Chivalry (The Most Illustrious Order of Saint Patrick, The Most Noble Order of the Garter, & Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle) became a personal choice of the Sovereign once again, with the joint agreement of Prime Minister The Right Honorable Clement Attlee 1st Earl of Attlee & The Leader of the Opposition The Right Honorable Sir Winston Churchill.

The person being appointed to the Order is announced on April 23rd which is known as St. George’s Day. When created, it was said that the original status required that each member of the Order already be a knight (now referred to as a Knight Bachelor). The initial members were knighted the year, the order was created.

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𝒪𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓁 𝑀𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓈

(Each Members photo will be below their name)

Male members of The Most Noble Order of the Garter are titled “Knights Companion.”

♕ Sir Sanchet D’Abrichecourt

♕ Edward, The Black Prince, Prince of Wales

♕ Henry of Grosmont, 1st Duke of Lancaster

♕ Thomas de Beauchamp, 11th Earl of Warwick

♕ Jean III de Grailly, Capital de Buch

♕ Ralph Stafford, 1st Earl of Stafford

♕ William de Montagu, 2nd Earl of Salisbury

♕ Sir Roger de Mortimer, 2nd Earl of March

♕ John de Lisle, 2nd Baron Lisle of Rougemony

♕ Bartholomew Burghersh, 2nd Baron Burghersh

♕ Admiral of the Fleet Sir John Paveley de Beauchamp, 1st Baron Beauchamp de Warwick

♕ John (V) de Mohun, 2nd Baron Mohun

♕ Sir Hugh Courtenay

♕ Thomas Holland, 1st Earl of Kent

♕ John de Grey, 2nd Baron Grey de Rotherfield

♕ Sir Richard Fitz-Simon

♕ Sir Miles Stapleton of Bedale

♕ Sir Thomas Wale

♕ Sir Hugh Wrottesley

♕ Sir Neil Loring

♕ Sir John Chandos, Viscount of Saint-Sauveur

♕ Sir James Audley

♕ Sir Otho Holand  

♕ Sir Henry Eam

♕ Sir Sanchet D'Abrichecourt

♕ Sir Walter Paveley

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𝒯𝓎𝓅𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝑀𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓈

𝐿𝒶𝒹𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒞𝑜𝓂𝓅𝒶𝓃𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒢𝒶𝓇𝓉𝑒𝓇

(Each members photo will be under their names)

(King Henry VII of England)

(Lady Margaret Beaufort)

(Her Majesty Queen Alexandra)

(His Majesty King Edward VII)

(His Majesty King George V)

(Her Majesty Queen Mary)

(His Majesty King George VI)

(Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother)

After The Most Noble Order of the Garter was founded, like men, women were appointed Ladies of the Garter but were not companions. Ladies of the Garter included: Lady Margaret Beaufort (Mother to King Henry VII of England), Her Majesty Queen Alexandra (Wife of His Majesty King Edward VII: She was named Lady of the Garter by her husband), Her Majesty Queen Mary (Wife to His Majesty King George V: She was named Lady of the Garter by her husband), & Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother (Wife to His Majesty King George VI: She was named Lady of the Garter by her husband). This practice though, was put to a stop by King Henry VII of England in 1488. Although beginning in the 20th century, women began to be re-associated with the The Most Noble Order of the Garter, but were again not made companions. In 1987, under the statue of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, it became possible to install “Ladies Companion of the Garter.”

𝒪𝒻𝒻𝒾𝒸𝑒𝓇𝓈

(Each members photo will be under their names)

(Timothy John Dakin)

(James Hamilton, The 5th Duke of Abercorn)

(Thomas Woodcock)

(Sarah Clarke)

(The Right Reverend Bishop David Conner, The Dean of Windsor)

(Patric Laurence Dickinson)

The Most Noble Order of the Garter has 6 different types of Officers: 

1. The Prelate: This position will always belong to The Bishop of Winchester. Currently - Timothy John Dakin (Since 2012).

2. The Chancellor: Responsible for the Seal & Its Use: Currently - James Hamilton The 5th Duke of Abercorn (Since 2012)

3. The Register: Currently - The Right Reverend Bishop David Conner, The Dean of Windsor

4. The Garter Principal King of Arms: The Officer has jurisdiction over England, Wales, & Northern Ireland (With exception of Canada). Responds to the Earl Marshal for the running of the College & is the Principal Advisor to the Sovereign of the United Kingdom. This officer announces the New Monarch, after the current monarch has died. Currently - Thomas Woodcock (Since April 2010).

5. The Gentleman/Lady Usher of the Black Rod: Responsible for controlling access to and maintaining order within the House of Lords & its precincts, as well as for ceremonial events within those precincts. The officer is also the Usher & Doorkeeper at Order of the Garter Meetings & the personal attendant of the Sovereign. This officer has many other positions & duties as well. Currently - Sarah Clarke (Since February 13th, 2018)

6. The Secretary: Currently - Patric Laurence Dickinson (Since September 1st, 2010)

𝒮𝓊𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓃𝓊𝓂𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓇𝓎 𝑀𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓈

(Each members photo will be under their names)

Along with the Founder, Ladies Companion of the Garter, & The Original Members of the The Most Noble Order of the Garter, there is another group of members who receive this honor. These members are called Supernumerary Members & they are the members who do not count towards the limit of the 24 Living Family Members/Companions but are in association of the Order. These members can also be referred to Royal Knights & Ladies of the Garter.

(His Majesty King George I of Great Britain)

(His Majesty King George II of Great Britain)

(His Majesty King George III of The United Kingdom)

(His Imperial Majesty Emperor Alexander I of Russia)

These titles were created by His Majesty King George III of The United Kingdom in 1786 but didn’t create the statute of Supernumerary Members until 1805. He created the title of Supernumerary Members, so that his sons didn’t count toward the 24 companion limit. King George created the statute of members, so that any descendant of His Majesty King George II of Great Britain, could not be installed in The Most Noble Order of the Garter as such a member. 8 years later in 1813, during the reign of His Imperial Majesty Emperor Alexander I of Russia, a membership of being a supernumerary member was extended to foreign monarchs. These members were known as Stranger Knights & Ladies of the Garter. The Statute of Supernumerary Members was put back into play in 1831 & extended to all descendants of His Majesty King George I of Great Britain. In 1954, each installation into The Most Noble Order of the Garter, required an enactment of the statute. The statute authorizes the regular admission of Stranger Knights & Ladies of the Garter without further special enactments.

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𝒞𝓊𝓇𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝑀𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓇

*Fact: The Most Noble Order of the Garter is only allowed to The Sovereign/Monarch, The Heir to the Throne, 24 Living Family Members/Companions, & Various Supernumerary (not belonging to a regular staff but engaged for work) Members. The Monarch alone can also grant membership.*

(Each Member will have their photo below their name)

♕ Her Majesty The Queen: Sovereign of The Most Noble Order of the Garter 

♕ His Royal Highness Prince Philip

♕ His Royal Highness Prince Charles: Royal Knight Companion of The Most Noble Order of the Garter

♕ His Royal Highness Prince William

♕ His Royal Highness Prince Andrew

♕ His Royal Highness Prince Edward

♕ Her Royal Highness Anne The Princess Royal

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𝒟𝑒𝑔𝓇𝒶𝒹𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝑜𝒻 𝒶 𝑀𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇

The Degradation of a Member of the The Most Noble Order of the Garter is a big issue, but can be done by the current Sovereign. This began in the late 15th century. 

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒟𝑒𝑔𝓇𝒶𝒹𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒫𝓇𝑜𝒸𝑒𝓈𝓈

During the 15th century, The Degradation of a Member of the The Most Noble Order of the Garter was a formal ceremony. The Garter King of Arms is accompanied by the rest of the members at St. George’s Chapel. The Garter of Arms reads aloud the reason for degradation as a member climbs up a ladder to remove the former knights banner, crest, helm, & sword into the choir. The other members then lead the degraded knight down the length of the chapel, out the doors, & into the castle ditch. 

𝐿𝒾𝓈𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝒟𝑒𝑔𝓇𝒶𝒹𝑒𝒹 𝑀𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓈

During World War 1, a total of 8 knights were degraded from their positions: 2 Royal Knights & 6 Stranger Knights. These knights were rulers, monarchs, or princes of enemy nations in 1915.

(Each Member will have their photo below their name)

♕ 1915: His Highness The Duke of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha: Broke off relations with his family in the Belgian & British Courts to support the German Empire. He was stripped of his honor by His Majesty King George V.

♕ 1915: Crown Prince Ernest Augustus of Hanover, 3rd Duke of Cumberland and Teviotdale: World War 1 created conflict between the British Royal Family & the Hanoverian Cousins. He was stripped of his honor by His Majesty King George V.

♕ 1915: His Imperial and Royal Apostolic Majesty Franz Joseph I The Emperor of Austria & Apostolic King of Hungary: Besides being stripped of his position in The Most Noble Order of the Garter, he was also stripped of his Royal Victorian Chain Award.

♕ 1915: His Royal Highness Prince Henry of Prussia: Besides being stripped from his position in The Most Noble Order of the Garter, he was also stripped of his position from The Most Honourable Order of the Bath & stripped of his Royal Victorian Chain Award.

♕ 1915: His Imperial and Royal Highness Wilhelm The German Crown Prince & Crown Prince of Prussia: Besides being stripped from his position in The Most Noble Order of the Garter, he was also stripped of his position from The Most Honourable Order of the Bath & stripped of his Royal Victorian Chain Award.

♕ 1915: His Imperial and Royal Majesty Wilhelm II The German Emperor & King of Prussia: His Imperial & Royal Majesty is the most stripped Knight on this list. In 1915, he was not only stripped from his position in The Most Noble Order of the Garter, he was also stripped of his position from The Order of Saint John, The Honorary Grand Cross, Royal Victorian Order, & his Royal Victorian Chain Award. 

♕ 1941: His Majesty King Victor Emmanuel III of Italy: King Victor was stripped of his British Honors, after Italy entered World War 1 against the United Kingdom. His Majesty was not only stripped from his position in The Most Noble Order of the Garter, he was also stripped of his position from The Most Honorable Order of the Bath & his Royal Victorian Chain Award. 

♕ 1941-1971: Emperor Hirohito of Japan: Emperor Hirohito was was stripped of his British Honors after Japan entered World War 2 against the United Kingdom. He was stripped of his position in The Most Noble Order of the Garter. In 1971, The Emperor was restored as a knight in The Most Noble Order of the Garter by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. His British Honors include: Honorary General in the British Army, Field Marshal of Regular Army in the British Army, Honorary Knight Grand Cross of the Royal Victorian Order, Honorary Knight Grand Cross of The Most Honorable Order of the Bath, Knight of The Most Noble Order of the Garter, & Foreign Member of the Royal Society.