#she has the most attractive arms i stg

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Ouroboros (S2, E8)

The hiatus almost killed me. So glad we have new content <3

As usual, my time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:04 - That scarf is so extra.

0:26 - OH LOOK THE FIRST SUNSHINE SIGHTING OF SEASON TWO!!! It only took 8 episodes. *insert eyeroll*

0:40 - Ugh. This montage makes me hate Hoxley. He embodies the type of human I abhor: self-important, egotistic, obsessed with appearance.

1:19 - “No I didn’t.” LMAO. Mr. David is so done with Martin’s bullshit.

1:36 - That makeshift shiv in the dude’s arm.....that’s Daryl’s shiv from a few episodes ago right? Am I going crazy?

 2:25 - Sooooo Birdie hasn’t left New York? She’s moved into the Milton’s “Murrayville Building”. Huh. Wait. Was Birdie in the house when Malcolm and Ainsley fought? Do you think she heard?!? Birdie might become a problem for the Whitly’s later this season....I hope?

2:43 - Jessica doesn’t know about the contents of the fight. Interesting. How long has it been since the end of 2x7? 

2:58 - “I’ll be there at 8.” hahaha OMG. I swear Malcolm was a terror during his ‘rebellious teenager’ phase.

3:38 - Yep. This fog horn reinforces the fact that I believe Hoxley is a dick. 

3:40 - Awww.... the way Malcolm jumps/flinches at the fog horn is both hilarious and adorable.

3:58 - “And who the hell are you?” YES GIL. YES. Don’t let him talk like that to Malcolm <3

4:04 - Duuuuude. Gil looks pissed and scared. He does not like Europol snooping around his crimes. ALSO I’m like 95% sure that Gil knows (or at least has a hunch) that Malcolm is somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. I’m pretty sure Gil is scared that this dude is going to try and arrest Malcolm. 

4:07 - OMG. JT is adorable. “You’re that guy. The mind sleuth.” Personal headcanon: JT read Hoxley’s book to try and understand Malcolm better. 

4:22 - DANI IS MY QUEEN. SHE IS MY ICON. I LOVE HER SO FREAKING MUCH. “No.” This girl is fierce. <3

4:23 - <3 <3 Malcolm’s heart eyes, head tilt, and visible pride is so so so precious. THIS is why he’s attracted to Dani. She’s not afraid to assert herself. 

4:31 - “And then took in his son.” ....Okay, so this infuriated me. Nothing Hoxley is saying is untrue. BUT something about the way he’s saying it just gets under my skin. 

4:45 - I think Hoxley is pissing me off so much because he’s psychoanalyzing Malcolm in front three of the people Malcolm trusts and loves most in the world (3 out of a very very short list of people). He’s trying to humiliate Malcolm and I hate it. I hate that Dani, JT, and Gil haven’t told Hoxley to shut up. I hate that Hoxley is trying to drive stakes of doubt into the three people whose opinion Malcolm treasures. 

5:25 - “Aim a little lower, Whitly.” and and and.....then Hoxley looks to the team as though he wants them to laugh. I’m furious. 

5:32 - THANK YOU GIL. STEER THE CONVERSATION AWAY FROM MALCOLM

6:04 - Malcolm is so obvious. There’s no way that the team doesn’t know that he was involved with Endicott’s murder. If they didn’t before this episode - they HAVE to know now. Right? They’re detectives. Malcolm is a terrible liar. 

7:00 - Oh. So now Ainsley cares about the crime. Now it’s “how much trouble are we in”. And let’s be real. Ainsley doesn’t even seem very worried or scared. She’s concerned that the crime will get out - she’s not sorry she committed the crime. She’s not sorry that her big brother tried to take the fall for her. 

7:15 - “We said no more secrets.” ...when. When did you two say that? Was there a ‘fight part 2 - the tentative truce’ that we didn’t get to see?

7:33 - A mention of Sophie Sanders. Finally. I still hope she comes out of the woodwork and takes the fall for this. I want more closure on her. Did the team ever find out that Malcolm found her? How did the Eddie murder finally get resolved (I’m not satisfied with the “not every case gets solved” line)?

7:42 - Yo. I don’t care about the time constraint of a 45 minute episode. I don’t care that it was required to move the plot along. The fact that Ainsley starts typing frantically into the computer at about 7:42, stops typing at 7:47ish and has found at least 4 different articles relating to murdered random people (who apparently helped hide Endicott’s body?) is SO UNREALISTIC. I just can’t. I can’t suspend my disbelief on this one. The article headlines say nothing about ‘couriers’. It’s stuff like ‘Local fisherman found dead’. HOW THE HELL WOULD AINSLEY KNOW THEY WERE HELPING MALCOLM IN LESS THAN 10 SECONDS OF GOOGLING?!? Nope. I can’t justify this one. Fedak - you dropped the ball.

8:40 - Poor Malcolm looks terrified. :( 

9:04 - My first impression of Natalie was that she’s a beautiful young lady who seems really sweet and a little socially awkward. Kudos to the actress.

9:41 - Another mention of Sophie. God - I hope she becomes a twist in this season’s storyline. I’m not content with how her story arc ended. 

10:21 - “I didn’t have anything to do with Endicott’s death and neither did Jessica.” Yep. Gil definitely knows (or at least suspects) that Ainsley and Malcolm are somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. It’s killing me that we’re not getting the big “team and/or Gil find out and/or confront Malcolm about it” moment. 

10:31 - OMG. Alan Cumming’s eyebrow wag here. hahahahaha

10:35 - Look at how pissed off Gil is as soon as Hoxley suggests that he and Jessica have a romantic history. 1) Gil still has it bad for Jessica (and is hurt that she rejected him again 2) Gil’s a pretty private dude and probably doesn’t like his personal business being speculated upon by a total stranger with ill intent 3) Gil is also getting protective of the Whitly’s. Not just Jessica but Malcolm (and maybe Ainsley) too. 

10:58 - Europol agents aren’t allowed to make arrests?!? THEN WTF IS THE POINT OF HOXLEY’S CHARACTER?!? TO DRIVE DOUBT INTO THE MINDS OF THE TEAM WITH REGARDS TO MALCOLM?!? FOR REAL. WHY?! TO FORCE GIL TO ARREST MALCOLM AND AINSLEY?!?!

11:08 - “To watch you put the cuffs on Mr.Endicott’s killer. Deal?” “Deal.” oooooooohhhhhh no. I do not like the foreshadowing here. If Gil has to arrest Ainsley and/or Malcolm.....idek. Part of me wants to watch it for the emotional whump (of all parties - including Jessica). Part of me wants to ugly cry at the thought of it though.

11:39 - “How do you know so much about yachts?” ....THANK YOU JT. DANI HAS A STRANGE AMOUNT OF NAVAL KNOWLEDGE IN THIS EPISODE AND WE ALL KNOW “I watch a lot of Below Deck” IS UTTER HORSE CRAP. Ugh. I want to know more about Dani and JT’s personal lives. So. Badly. 

11:44 - <3 <3 <3 The look Malcolm and JT exchange when Dani claims that she watches a lot of Below Deck is absolutely precious. It’s like they’re best friends and/or brothers. They both knew Dani was lying. <3

11:54 - “At least he’s the real deal.” Ouch. I honestly can’t tell if JT is just teasing Malcolm here or if JT genuinely believes this. ....Is this JT’s way to letting Malcolm know that he has suspicions about his involvement with Endicott’s death?

12:06 - “Says the guy who bought his book.” HA. Dani is on fire this episode. The snark queen. Look at how pleased Malcolm is that Dani is defending him. <3 Warms my cold dead heart.

12:09 - annnnndd now JT is definitely teasing Malcolm. “What our boy Bright needs is a moniker.” hahaha watching Dani and JT come up with stupid profiler monikers was so cute. I love it when the team gangs up to (lovingly) tease Malcolm.

12:30 - “No. Nothing yet.” Again - Malcolm is a terrible liar. The team must know that he’s involved with this thing. They’re detectives. 

12:59 - Martin’s physical reaction to Malcolm saying, “No. That woman does not deserve to die.” Is HILARIOUS. Martin is so freaking desperate for Malcolm to become a serial killer that he doesn’t even care the Ainsley has already murdered someone. 

13:19 - “He has a perfect track record.”.....what? So does that mean he’s solved every case he’s ever worked on? Taken credit for solving every case he’s ever work on? Hand picked the cases he works on so he knows he can solve them? Probably a combination of the above. Sometime about Hoxley reminds me of Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter. You feel me?

13:23 - The fact that Tom Payne (a Brit) is being told that Hoxley has “perfect teeth. For a Brit” by a Welsh man is hilarious.

13:34 - Does this fish packing joint have no security?!? Like Malcolm didn’t have to pick a lock or anything. He just walked right in (and he’s not being quiet).

13:51 - “I can think ruthless. I don’t know if I can be ruthless.” THIS. THIS is Malcolm in a nutshell. Think about Nicky Covington. Malcolm wanted to act ruthless but he couldn’t. He ended up saving Nicky because he couldn’t go through with his ruthless plan. That’s the difference between Malcolm and (quite frankly) the rest of his family. Jessica, Martin, and Ainsley can all be ruthless. All of them. Jessica on a lesser degree but Martin and Ainsley are confidently ruthless. Often.

13:57 - Ok. For real though. HOW HAS NO ONE OVERHEARD THESE PHONE CALLS BETWEEN MARTIN AND MALCOLM. THE PHONES HAVE TO BE TAPPED RIGHT?!? IN A SECURE MENTAL INSTITUTION FOR MURDERERS?!? and I stg that Mr. David knows things. That man is not a moron and he’s pieced stuff together (not from this scene obviously, but still).

14:13. - “Why don’t I break out.” The fact that Malcolm hasn’t mentioned that Martin wants to escape to anyone (since 2x4) is really stressing me out. I know Martin’s going to break out - the promos have made that very obvious but I’m still anxious about it. Mostly I’m worried for the health and safety of Malcolm (and Gil, Jessica, Dani, JT, Edrisa...).

14:17 - “We all go on the run together.” Martin is delusional. He thinks that the whole family will go on the run with him?!?!?  He might be able to convince Ainsley. He might be able to blackmail or threaten Malcolm. BUT Jessica? She’s not going willingly. Hell - she might kill him herself if Martin escapes and tries to come near her (which.....I would actually kind of like to see).

14:48 - The fact that Malcolm apologizes to a corps is so precious. Really reinforces the fact that Malcolm is not a killer. 

15:00 - Oh look. Another scene for Malcolm’s nightmares. “The time I cut off a dead guy’s thumb to protect my sister”

15:24 - annnndd Malcolm is really close to having a panic attack. Look at that face. :( Someone give this guy a hug. Please.

15:34 - Where the HELL is Edrisa!?!?!?

15:42 - Malcolm, you utter moron. What possessed your stupid ass to show up at a crime scene with a soaking wet arm and draw attention to your arm by shaking it?!?! WHEN THE BODY WAS JUST DRAGGED OUT OF A VAT OF WATER. AND YOU TAMPERED WITH THE BODY?!!? YOU DUMBASS. 

15:52 - This is Gil - terrified. He’s scared because 1) he knows Malcolm is lying , 2) he’s concerned for Malcolm’s mental health and 3) he’s starting to think that either a) Malcolm killed this guy, b) Malcolm knows who killed this guy and is obstructing justice, or c) Hoxley is going to pin this on Malcolm and Gil won’t be able to save him.

16:14 - “I’m never buying frozen fish again.” hahaha Dani is killing it this episode. <3

16:23 - Check out how Gil is staring at Malcolm. Gil totally thinks Malcolm has the thumb.

16:50 - “Older model” Shit. Seriously? Are finger print scanners on phones old?!? My phone isn’t that old......I got it 6 years ago? 

17:16 - MALCOLM IS A TERRIBLE LIAR. Honestly, the pure terror on his face throughout most of this episode screams “I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE MURDER.” If the team hasn’t pieced this together yet they’re not worthy of being detectives.

17:29 - I’m not going to lie. I had to fast forward through the Martin/Capshaw scenes for the rewatch. I find them so upsetting to watch. I just can’t do it more than once. Their whole dynamic is gross, creepy, and just ugh. 

20:00 - Jessica and Hoxley talking about Endicott’s death is so satisfying. 

20:35 - “Jessica Whitly. Played for a fool. Yet. Again.” Ok Hoxley. You are not allowed to disrespect my girl Jessica like that. 

21:10 - The biggest problem with Jessica and Gil’s “mock interrogations” by Hoxley is that neither of them mention Ainsley or Malcolm. It’s super suspicious. They mention other people by name. People who should be connected to Ainsley and/or Malcolm given the context of the sentence. Hoxley is a moron for not nailing Ainsley and Malcolm for the crime during this episode. It’s so so so obvious.

21:19 - hahahahahahahaha Jessica grabbing the martini out of Hoxley’s hands. hahahahaha I stan.

21:35 - annnnnd Jessica is a terrible liar as well. Seriously - why doesn’t she just say “ENDICOTT WAS KILLED OVER HERE!!”. Another parallel between her and Malcolm though. Malcolm + Jessica can’t lie well. Ainsley + Martin are expert liars.

22:54 - Again. Ainsley is intrigued at the fact that Malcolm has a thumb in his freezer. Much like Martin would be if he knew. Jessica on the other hand shares Malcolm’s fear and disgust about the situation.

23:00- “We”?!!?!? AINSLEY YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING. MALCOLM HAS BEEN COVERING FOR YOUR ASS. YOU JUST HAVEN’T TURNED YOURSELF IN AFTER YOU REMEMBERED. THAT’S YOUR ONLY CONTRIBUTION TO THE “KEEPING ENDICOTT’S MURDER A SECRET” SITUATION. 

23:07 - “Do you even see what you are doing to him.” This line both terrified and delighted me. On one hand - I’m grateful that Jessica can see how much emotional pain Malcolm is in because of this situation. One the other hand - Ainsley looks pissed that Jessica is blaming her for Malcolm’s general brokenness. If Ainsley goes full serial killer - Malcolm is going to be on her list. “The brother that overshadowed her.” “The favourite child” “The reason she had to be a perfect daughter” “The reason she was ignored”

23:32 - “Got it.” Damn. Ainsley is bitter. She wants to control this situation. She doesn’t like taking orders from Malcolm. 

25:00 - MR.DAVID IS RIGHT THERE. IF HE DOESN’T BLOW THE WHISTLE ON THIS I’M GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED. 

25:12 -”The Brain Fart” hahahahaha OMG. 

25:53 - “You’re being rude Hoxley.” ......Martin being the nice guy? I’m genuinely disgusted.

26:26 - “Your son Malcolm.” THIS. THIS is why Ainsley is so pissed off. Everyone has always thought Malcolm would turn out like Martin. Ever since they were kids. She’s pissed off that no one considers her to be a threat. They’re all concerned for and scared of Malcolm. Not her. She’s invisible. Why do you think she became a TV reporter? To force people to see her. 

26:50 - I’ve never wanted to Martin to kill anyone more than I have in this moment. I do find Martin’s protective love for Malcolm interesting though. 

27:37 - How long was that phone in water before Malcolm grabbed it?!? Anyone ever drop a phone in water? I don’t care how much rice you have. It’s toast 90% of the time. 

27:44 - Malcolm explaining murder to Sunshine is so cute. 

28:22 - And my heart rate has skyrocketed. 

29:10 - “To protect your sister.” Huh. I find it interesting that Hoxley has considered that Malcolm may have killed Endicott to protect Ainsley. It suggests that he thinks Endicott was a threat to Ainsley alive. Makes me wonder about what happened to Ainsley before Malcolm got back to the house in 1x20.

29:16 - “You all had something to gain.” Did they though? Martin had something to gain - keeping his cushy Claremont cell. Ainsley had something to gain - “A news story.” Jessica had something to gain - “safety”. But Malcolm? He didn’t personally have anything to gain. He wanted his Mom and sister safe but he never thought about himself. 

30:11 - “Perhaps the murder weapon is still among your mother’s silver.” I find it interesting Hoxley has pieced that together. I also find it highly unbelievable but that’s just me. 

30:15 - Hoxely, rich people don’t carve their own Christmas roasts. The Whitly’s have staff for that. 

30:24 - “You’re still just a scared little boy. Hungry for daddy’s love.” Ouch. It’s true but it still hurts. This is not helping Malcolm’s mental state. At all. Istg if we don’t get a Malcolm mental health crisis soon I’m going to have my own mental health crisis. Seriously. I want to see this boy lose it. I’m a monster. I know. I want ugly crying. I want panic attacks. I want him to go catatonic. I want someone to comfort him. 

32:35 - Nat’s a good liar. Very convincing. Too bad Malcolm’s a good profiler. 

33:53 - Check out Spider Monkey Malcolm. <3 

34:14 - Earlier this episode when Malcolm said he can think ruthless but not be ruthless? This is the proof. He could’ve sat back and let Natalie kill Hoxley. In some ways - it would be good for Malcolm. But Malcolm’s not ruthless. He values human life. He’s an A+ dude. For better or for worse he tries to help people.

34:26 - Really Hoxley? Do you plan on stabbing Malcolm?!? (FYI - this scene is very reminiscent of Lockhart pulling his wand on Harry and Ron in the Chamber of Secrets #justsaying).

34:45 - “I’m going to be killed by a millennial. What a twist.” hahahhahahahahhaa

35:22 - “I’m British.” hahaha I love this scene so much.

37:14 - FINALLY THE PAPA!GIL CONTENT WE”VE BEEN WAITING FOR. (it’s weak but I’ll take it)

37:39 - AHHHH the fact that Gil and Malcolm are both non-verbally communicating that Natalie didn’t kill Endicott is killing me. Does Malcolm think that Gil hates him? Does Gil really think Malcolm killed Endicott? Or just that Malcolm covered it up? I NEED TO KNOW.

37:46 - Concerned!Gil and a hand on Malcolm’s shoulder. <3 <3 <3 My icy heart has melted. 

37:54 - annnnnd Hoxley ruins the moment.

39:39 - I’m not content with this ending. It’s all too convenient. Hoxley still thinks Ainsley and Malcolm did it. Mark my words. This isn’t over.

39:53 - Ainsley is so smug here. I want to slap her. She’s elated that she’s getting away with murder. She doesn’t care about how it’s hurting her family. 

40:00 - Did they really do the interview inside Jessica’s house?!?! Gross. 

40:17- I might be the only one but I love that polo on Malcolm. Something about it is adorable. 

40:22 - ......is Ainsley really trying to take credit for “putting this Endicott mess behind us”?!?! Because - she didn’t. OMG. She absolutely didn’t. Even if she did - she’s the reason they’re in the mess to being with!!!!!!! I can’t. I just....can’t. 

40:45 - The episode ends right here for me. I know Capshaw and Martin kiss. It makes me want to hurl and I refuse to watch it again. I also know that Capshaw takes the scissors away from Martin. I think their whole dynamic is upsetting and creepy. I’m like 95% sure that Capshaw is a serial killer on the DL. Or at least some sort of psychopath. Martin and Capshaw are both manipulating each other and it’s too stressful to watch. 

I didn’t love this episode. It was a bit all over the place. If you stuck around this long - thank you. I’ll see you guys next week. <3

[justholdingstill]

from inside the house (cockles, 1 k-ish, M)

do you think Misha and Vicki have the world’s coolest babysitter?

IDK I was just wondering because they’re both here and do they go “yeah we have to go to another book signing don’t give them sugar after 5 thaaanks”

Now is that to a teenager or to Jensen

AKA this is all @thebloggerbloggerfun‘s fault

________________________________________________________________

It’s a horror movie, Jensen says.

where the fuck did you guys get this kid?

PINEAPPLE and JELLYBEANS on PIZZA

There was a sale on at the maternity ward, Misha texts back. We traded in for the utility model

Somebody told us kids are expensive

she says she doesn’t like bacon either

what the hell, man

Okay, Dean

shut up

No you shut up 

“I’m so glad to see our children are being raised by such shining examples of maturity and wisdom,” Vicki says over his shoulder, her left eyebrow arched high over the rim of her glasses. He can’t help but lean in and kiss it.

West just started a sentence with, “when I’m old like you”

I stg, Mish

I do you a solid & drive over the border for THIS 

She laughs out loud. “So it’s going well, then.”

those had better be some pretty dynamite sexual favors, buddy

I have two words for you

rim

ming

fuck you, Jensen sends back.

oh, is it my turn?

And then they’re at the venue.

It’s still totally a trip, because he’s the Leo and he’s the television actor and he’s the former theater kid. He’s the one constantly pulling stupid shit in front of cameras, whether it’s for the love of poetry, or of philanthropy, or of Jensen’s obnoxiously pretty face. This is Old Hat, and this is decidedly Not Her Scene, and yet he’s the one sweating through his shirt while she’s the one grinning and glowing and soaking it all in. Misha curses under his breath as he settles himself in his seat and wonders how he ever let the Smug Bastard portion of his brain take the wheel and convince him that she was gonna need him to hold her hand through any of these signings.

Somebody asks her what her favourite word is; he says, “it’s probably ‘Misha’, right?“

And that gets a laugh, but then she responds, “no, it’s ‘kerning’.”

She’s nothing less than a nerdy fucking goddess, and god help him, he might be head over heels in love with his wife. 

The bookstore is packed wall-to-wall but the line moves quickly. It’s a blur of smiling faces and endless first pages and heartfelt pleasantries that leave his face aching by the time they get to step out back for a quick break. He’s been exhausted beyond belief for the last week, but it’s also kinda…awesome. The security detail nod in acknowledgement and step off once he gives the signal, and then there’s space enough to breathe. Space enough to slip an arm around her waist and let the light from his phone screen illuminate her delicate bone structure as she leans in to read the latest from Jensen.

so how long do i let them jump on the bed before they actually conk out?

was JJ like this? I don’t remember her being like this

is this what I’m in for?

oh my god what have I done? 

Timestamped for half an hour later: you owe me.

And three quarters of an hour after that comes third run of Moana shoot me now

hey, when you can sing the lyrics to Shiny in your sleep, then we’ll talk

oh NOW you respond

Mr & Mrs famous book writers

Sorry, we were busy signing books. Famously.

It’s all very glamorous

I know you have no idea what that’s like

hey, fuck you, Jensen says again.

Vicki snorts. “Well, you always did have a taste for the eloquent ones.” She grabs the phone from him, and before he can stop her, sends: Later.

Sends: Home in an hour. Be ready for us.

He doesn’t know how Jensen knows that the conversation has switched hands, but he feels the same sharp quiver of anticipation in his own gut when Jensen texts back, lightning quick, hell yes ma’am.

He’s always found it more than kind of weird to be interacting with fans and trying to hide the fact that he’s sporting a semi that won’t quit under the table at the same time, but it’s, you know. Not the first time. 

At least he’s not on stage.

Jensen is not ready for them when they get home.

Misha doesn’t remember the last time they made out in a backseat, but Vicki hadn’t stopped whispering in his ear about how they were going to wreck him since the engine turned over, and he’s never ever felt quite so self-satisfied with the external trappings of success as when he’d asked their driver, between gasps, to put up the privacy partition.  That was bucket-list hot, and she’d run so roughshod over the last threads of his self-control that he’d been raring to go pretty much as soon as they’d walked in the door… 

…only to get into the living room and find Jensen fast asleep on the couch with Maison tucked under one arm. West is at his feet, curled up under a blanket, his hand still in the bowl of popcorn.

“Fuck,” he says.

It’s the second most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

The emotional whiplash is shockingly intense; suddenly he’s gotta take a lap, which just means he wanders around in dazed circles for a minute while Vicki’s in the bathroom, and ends up in the kitchen, elbows on the counter and his hands fisted in his hair, trying to come to terms with how excessively, astonishingly lucky he is that somehow, all of this is his. His wife, their children, their house, his career, that ridiculously attractive man in there who has a ridiculously attractive wife of his own and a life that dreams are made of. A guy who released an album of his own, like, yesterday, and he has to work tomorrow but he’s here getting his fingernails painted and his ass kicked on the trampoline by a nine year old just…because.

Because.

Oh yeah, it’s kind of awesome.

Vicki reels him in by his belt loop, gently pulls his hands away and resettles them down around her waist. She tugs him in tight against her and then crushes the breath out of him, forehead to forehead, nose to nose, and it’s perfect.

“I love you” comes so easily. It’s an embarrassment of riches.

West is way too damn heavy for this anymore, but he barely wakes up when Misha hauls him into his arms with a groan and carries him up to bed, even though with his hips he really shouldn’t. Maison goes a little easier, though she perks up when her head hits the pillow and demands a chapter of The Golden Compass, and by the time Misha gets the lights and gets back downstairs Jensen’s awake too, soft-eyed and yawning, and he and Vicki are into that bottle of mead they brought back from the island in the summer. It tastes like liquid sunshine when it spills from Jensen’s mouth into his.

And oh yeah. 

It’s kind of awesome.

[igottoomuchwriting]

Sincerely, Me (Chapter 2)

Series: Part 1/Previous Chapter/Next Chapter

To Single Scoop: i stg if this mom doesnt chill tf out i will find where she lives and fight her

Connor has no idea how to text people unless he is asking for weed. It took him a while to actually show that he wants to have a conversation over text while he was texting Evan. There was a lot of back and forth between the two over the past month where Evan would ask if he was annoying Connor or telling Connor that he didn’t have to talk to him if he didn’t want to.

Then he figured out that Evan liked when Connor randomly ranted to him, so that’s what he was doing now. He was watching Say Yes to the Dress and texting Evan, who was the only person in his life who knew that he liked TLC shows, specifically Say Yes to the Dress.

To Single Scoop: SHES CRYING NOW AND THE MOM STILL WONT BUDGE

To Single Scoop: thats it

To Single Scoop: im flying to georiga. Ill see you later evan

From Single Scoop: I know you have that ability so please dont

To Single Scoop:  like my parents would let me

From Single Scoop: Find something nice in Georgia that your mom would love to see. I’m sure that will get her going

To Single Scoop:  well which is it hansen

To Single Scoop: should i go punch this lady in the face or no

From Single Scoop: Definite no

It is nice that Connor has someone to talk to when these shows get really stupid and make him want to fight the people. Usually he would say it to himself and just have conversations with himself, but then he eventually stopped because who the hell has conversations with themselves? Sad loners like Connor, that’s who.

Connor watched as the bride stared at herself in the mirror, teary-eyed and listening to her mother try and stop her daughter from buying the dress.

“Listen to your heart,” Randy said. “Do you picture yourself walking down the aisle in this?”

“Yes,” the bride whispered. Connor anxiously watched it all go down. The mother was trying one last argument to get her daughter to not put on the dress.

“Are you saying yes to this dress?” “Yes!” Connor cheered along with the bride and consultants, and flipped off the TV has the mother said that she was upset.

To Single Scoop: oh good the bride won

From Single Scoop: With Randy on her side, how could she not

Connor laughed. Evan knew the show enough that Randy was the end-all for brides. No one could win in an argument with him.

To Single Scoop: true

Connor heard keys turning in the front door. He cursed under his breath.

To Single Scoop: shit

To Single Scoop: my mom is home

To Single Scoop: i have to go to my bed and pretend to get some sleep

To Single Scoop: night

Connor turned off the TV and put the Amazon fire stick back where it’s supposed to be before running upstairs before his mother entered the living room and saw that he wasn’t awake.

Usually he wouldn’t care if she saw him up this late, but he doesn’t want to hear her complain that he isn’t getting any sleep and then get in another fight because he won’t tell her what's wrong. He’ll tell her when he knows that she will actually get him the help that he wants.

He quietly shut his door as he heard his parents talking downstairs. He was quick to get under the covers and plug his phone in, feigning that he has been asleep the whole time.

His mom came in to check on him like she does every night. Connor could tell she was standing at his door for a while, and just as she was going to leave, Connor’s phone went off.

Connor mentally cursed. Of course Evan had to text him back right now.

His mom

“Connor? Are you awake?” she asked. Connor wondered if he should keep pretending, but at this point, he didn’t care anymore.

“Yeah,” he grunted.

“Who texted you?”

“A friend.” For the first time, this was actually the truth.

“What friend has a name of ‘Single Scoop’?” She was looking at his phone? Connor snapped his head up to see her holding his phone, arms crossed.

“It’s a nickname.”

“What does it mean?”

“It’s just a nickname, mom, it doesn’t need a reasoning!”

“What’s going on?” he heard his dad call.

“Oh, great, let’s just bring the whole family in!” Connor snapped.

“Connor, we’re just wondering who you’re texting!”

Larry walked into Connor’s room, obviously tired and confused.

“It’s just a friend! His name is Evan! It’s a surprise that your fucked up son can actually make friends!”

“Connor!” Connor ignored her and threw his blanket over his head. He knew he wouldn’t be able to escape with Larry at the door, so he might as well just pretend they aren’t there.

“Just check his messages, Cynthia,” he heard Larry mumble. That caused Connor to sit back up in his bed in a fit of anger.

“You guys check my fucking messages?!”

“Connor, we only do it because we want to make sure you’re okay.”

“No!” he yelled. “There should be no fucking reason you check my fucking messages!”

“We just need to make sure you aren’t lying to us,” Larry deadpanned.

“That’s a breach of my fucking privacy!”

“You haven’t done anything to show us that we can trust you with privacy.”

“You know what,” Connor snapped. “Fine! Fucking take it!”

“Don’t raise your voice at us!” Larry snapped. Connor said nothing in response, just laid down and blocked them out. They both eventually left, leaving Connor alone with his thoughts.

---

Connor hadn’t calmed down from the night before. His parents had discussed if he should still be allowed to have his car, but after realizing that Zoe had band practice, he was still allowed to drive himself to school.

“Were you really talking to Evan?” Zoe asked when she saw him in the morning. Connor turned and raised an eyebrow.

“When?”

“Last night, when mom and dad went into your room.” Connor turned away. He grabbed the milk that his mom had left on the counter and poured himself a glass.

“Yeah.”

“Really?” He gave her a side glare.

“What, do you not believe me either?” Zoe shrugged. She crossed her arms and leaned against the counter.

“You never made friends before this, so it is hard to believe that someone could really want to talk to you.”

“Wow, tell me how you really feel,” he sarcastically mumbled.

“I’m just saying, from what I know about Evan, he’s way too nice to be talking to you.”

“And you’re way too nice to be related to me, but here we fucking are.” He downed the rest of the milk in his glass and slammed his cup down on the counter. “Now if you excuse me, I have to get to school so I can continue to be judged.”

On the drive to the school, all of Connor’s thoughts were of Evan and why he was friends. After Connor figured out that he liked men instead of women, Evan was one of the first classmates that he decided was attractive, but he never pursued anything. No one would talk to him, and everytime Evan saw him he had a look of terror. After getting to know the boy, he realised he gave everyone the same look.

Even now that they are friends, Connor is not letting himself get his hopes up. He knows that Evan has a crush on his sister, and most likely doesn’t like boys. Even if he did like boys, there was no way he would like Connor more than a friend. It’s a surprise that he even likes him as a friend, as many people like to constantly remind him.

By the time he pulled into the school parking lot, he had successfully put himself into an even worse mood than he was before. He would just sneak off to go smoke, but Evan would be worried if he didn’t show up, and he doesn’t have his phone to text him, so he just had to deal with the day.

Connor realized that was going to be harder than he thought when he stood at his locker. People were walking by him, not even watching to see if they would bump into him, and would even sometimes almost close his locker while he was doing something.

“Hey Connor,” he heard a voice mumble. Connor snapped his head to the side and shot a glare at the kid who decided to bother him.

Which happened to Evan.

“What?” he snapped out of instinct. He immediately regretted it. He saw Evan flinch and take a small step back, as if he was trying to get out of Connor’s range and hide.

“Well you seem like you’re in a bad mood so I wanted to come over and see if you’re okay but you barely know me so I don’t know why you would even want to talk to me about it. I’m sorry I should’ve have even come over, I’ll leave, I’m sorry.” He wasn’t even looking Connor in the eyes as he stuttered out that sentence. Of course that would freak him out. Connor sighed and it his head against the top of his locker, wishing that he could just knock himself out or restart the day.

“No, I didn’t mean to snap at you. You did nothing wrong.” That was the closest he could get to saying sorry. Once he learned that people never really cared if they made him feel bad, he quickly learned to stop caring if he made them feel bad. Though, by being around Evan and having a slight crush on the boy, he realized that was going to have to change if he wanted to keep him in his life.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me,” he heard Evan mumble. Connor spared a glance to the side.

Evan did care. He really, truly cared about why Connor was upset, and that wasn’t something Connor was used to. He knew that in order for them to get closer he would have to let his walls down a little bit, but he was afraid to. One of the few things he was actually afraid of. He’s going to have to get over that.

“My parents took my fucking phone last night because they didn’t believe that I was texting someone other than a fucking drug dealer,” he started out calmly. He didn’t want to look at Evan as he spoke, though he felt the anger coming back very quickly. “ I told them that no goddamn drug dealer would be answering fucking calls at that hour because they were trying to act like normal fucking people but they took my phone anyway!”

He slammed his locker shut and saw Evan jump out of the corner of his eye. He knew that there were kids who were giving him weird looks in the hallway, but he couldn’t find himself to care. He just lied to Evan about what he was talking to his parents about. Why? Who knows. Maybe it’s easier to be a druggie in this school than a kid who actually cares.

“They don’t believe a fucking thing I say and it pisses me off because I was actually telling the truth this time!”

It was silent between the two. Connor wasn’t upset about that. He knew that Evan most likely had no idea how to deal with the extreme emotions that Connor feels, as he can barely handle his own anxiety.

“I’m sorry. That’s–That, um, sucks.”

“Understatement of the fucking century,” Connor grumbled.

He heard the first bell ring, signaling that Connor had five minutes to get to his class. He just couldn’t deal with it today. With his parents, his sister, and his own thoughts, he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus in class anyway. Having an unexcused absence would be better than being sent down to the officer for not paying attention.

Connor turned towards the doors that were placed at the end of the hallway and started making his way to them.

“Wait, where are you going?” he heard Evan call after him.

“Anywhere but fucking here,” Connor called back before pushing open the double doors.

He stomped over to his truck, hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes downcast. He had no idea where he wanted to go, but he knew that he had to go somewhere private so he can smoke weed without getting caught.

---

Connor realized as soon as he got to the closed orchard that he always somehow ended up at that his parents cleaned out his car. Every bit of it.

Which means that they found his weed stash in the and most likely threw it away.

Connor drove to the one place that actually calms him down and brings him peace­–the abandoned orchard.

When Connor was younger and not on drugs, his parents would always take him and Zoe here. They would have picnics, play games, go on hikes, and even camp one time. It was when his parents weren’t fighting with him or each other, and he and Zoe actually loved each other like siblings should. The year the orchard closed was also the year Connor’s depression seemed to peak. That was when he started getting into weed to be happy, fighting with his parents, and trying to do anything to either shorten or end his life.

Nothing has really gotten better, even after the counseling, the rehab, and all the drugs in the world, Connor was still struggling. He started coming back and sneaking into the orchard when it was getting hard again, and it always calmed him down. You would think going back to the place when his family was happy would make him sad, but it actually gave him the ability to forget everything about his life for a short while.

As he walked around, the took the time to look up into the trees, up to the sky that was shining bright. Connor was almost glad he wasn’t high so he could see this all through clear eyes.

A thought popped into his head. He remember Evan talking to him about his apprenticeship with the forest rangers, and how much he loved nature and trees. Has he ever been here?

Quickly looking at his phone, Connor cursed at the time. He started jogging back to his truck so he can pick Evan up from school in time.

---

Luckily Connor didn’t need to go inside to find Evan. Evan had started walking home and Connor had seen the back of his backpack before he turned into the school parking lot. He stepped of the gas and pulled up to the shoulder a little ahead of where Evan was walking. Evan didn’t look up from the ground and instead kept walking.

“Evan!” Connor called out of his passenger window. No response. Connor was tempted to try again, but he knew that the boy couldn’t hear him.

He honked the horn of his truck. Evan’s head snapped up and he looked directly at Connor.

Success.

Evan pulled out his headphones while giving Connor a confused look.

“Connor?” he asked.

“Get in, Hansen,” Connor called. Evan didn’t question or hesitate, just walked through the grass dividing the sidewalk from the street and hopped into Connor’s car. Connor wasn’t sure on whether he should be happy that Evan asked no questions or upset.

Connor pulled back into the street as soon as Evan closed the passenger door, excited to show his friend the orchard.

It was silent for the beginning of the ride. Connor realized that Evan might be worried that Connor is still mad. He’s not, but there was no way for Evan to be able to tell. He also snapped at Evan this morning and Evan may be waiting for an apology.

“I didn’t mean to flip out on you earlier,” he stated. Not quite an apology, but a month ago, Connor would have just moved on without a second glance at a person’ feelings.

“I know,” Evan mumbled. It was silent again after that.

“Have you ever been to the orchard?” Connor asked.

“What orchard?” Connor silently cheered victory in his head.

“So I’ll take that as a no.”

Connor explain what the orchard was to Evan so he wouldn’t be too freaked out that COnnor was bringing him to some abandoned place.

They eventually got onto the topic of bands and singers that they like. Connor was shocked when Evan said that he liked Taylor Swift before she started pop and did not miss an opportunity to make fun of him. Evan retaliated by stating that one of his favorite bands wasn’t popular and they continued to bicker back and forth.

Connor loved it. He never really got to playfully make fun of someone without the other person that he was actually being mean. There had been many times that Connor tried playfully making fun of Zoe, but she always got mad and it would escalate into a fight, so he stopped trying. It was nice to have a friend who knew he wasn’t being mean.

They pulled up to the orchard. Connor parked his car in the parking lot that was placed out front.

“Uh, what are we, uh, doing here?” Evan asked, a slight shake in his voice.

“We’re gonna walk around.”

“W-Wait, what?”

“Come on, Hansen,” Connor pushed. He exited the truck and walked towards the gate, heading towards the cut in the fence he made so that he can go back and forth without being caught.

“We can’t go in!” Connor heard Evan call. Connor rolled his eyes. No Trespassing signs only mean something when the government was actually taking care of it.

“Trust me, it’s fine.”

“What if someone finds us? What if they see your car and come searching and then we get in trouble? What if we get arrested? I can’t have my mom bail me out of jail, and your parents won’t--”

“Evan!” Connor snapped and turned around. “It’s fine. I come here all the time. I was just here earlier, and no one found me. No one even thinks about this place anymore.”

Connor watched Evan nod his head and avert his eyes down to the ground. Connor mentally cursed He couldn’t even get a grip on his anger long enough to show Evan a place that meant a lot to him.

Connor took a deep breath.

“Just… Come on. You can trust me.”

He started walking to the fence, occasionally checking back to make sure that Evan was still following him.

Connor pushed the piece of fence he cut open back and stepped to the side, motioning Evan to go through. Evan ducked his head and climbed through with Connor following right after.

Connor stood up and brushed the dirt off of his pants, and when he looked up, he wasn’t shocked to see Evan holding his cast and looking around in shock.

“This place got closed down after they opened up the park as a national park,” Connor answered his unasked question. “Apparently people feel like going to a national park would be more fun than an orchard, even though it’s the same fucking thing.”

Connor walked past Evan and into the trees. He knew he wanted to show Evan the field that he and his family always hung out at. The grass was close to being overgrown and at this time of day, the trees might be blocking the sun, but it was still Connor’s favorite place.

“So homecoming’s coming up,” Connor stated. “You going?”

“Well, uh, probably not?” Not a big shock.

“Even if a cute girl asked you out?” Connor laughed, though he cringed on the inside. His crush on his friend may mean nothing, but it still hurt just a bit to picture Evan with a girl.

“If someone asked me out, that’d be a shock in itself.” Connor chuckled.

“Fair enough.”

“What about you?” Evan continued. “You going?”

“No.” Connor shook his head. “No way.”

“Not even if a girl asks you?” Connor had to stop himself at that one.

“There’s no girl that could make me go to any dance.” He heard Evan hum.

“What if your crush asked you?” Connor stiffened up.

That was a thought. Connor could imagine Evan anxiously approaching him after school, playing with the bottom of his shirt, asking him to homecoming. Stuttering over the fact that Connor could say no and that he was sorry for ruining their friendship before Connor would pull him into a hug and say yes. He could imagine them going to the dance and ditching in the first thirty minutes, going to Á La Mode instead. He could imagine him taking Evan back home, walking him to his door to wish him good night. Connor could easily lean down—

“There is a girl you like, right?” Evan continued. Connor mentally pushed away that fantasy. He gave Evan a quick side glance and coughed, hoping to hide the blush that was probably making its way up on his face.

“Yeah. A girl…” He trailed off and left it there. Evan seemed to understand that Connor didn’t want to be pushed, so they fell back into silence.

Connor watched all the trees past, looking for the opening he needed. Once it came into view, Connor stopped in his tracks.

“We’re here.” He looked at Evan to see the boy giving him a confused look.

“Wait, where?”

“Look,” he motioned to the gap in the trees. Evan gave him a side glance before walking towards the area where Connor motioned. Connor let him get a head a bit before he started following.

He saw Evan standing a bit farther than he thought he would be, looking around in awe. He stared at the trees, hands grasping the little bit of grass that his hand could reach. Connor watched grass blow around him and sun illuminate his figure just enough where he wasn’t just a shadow.

“I assume you like it?” he called. Evan turned around, and oh god, his eyes were shining. It was the cutest thing he has ever seen.

Connor needed to get this crush under control.

“Connor, this—this is amazing! How did you find it?”

“I was just walking around one day and found it.” He didn’t want Evan to feel bad that this was the last place his family was truly happy, or feel like he was intruding on something he shouldn’t.

He watched as Evan turned back at take everything in again. Connor realized he had a smile on his face.

“You said you like to climb trees, right?” Connor asked. He walked over so he was standing next to Evan, though now that he was closer, he could almost feel Evan stiffen.

“Um, yeah,” he stuttered. Connor didn’t pay any attention to it.

“Come on. There’s a tree with really low branches.” Connor started walking towards the tree. It was easy for Connor to find it as it stuck out from the rest of the trees, obviously there for children or teens who would love to climb more.

“I—I don’t think I can climb right now,” he heard Evan call. Connor turned and gave him a confused look.

“Why not?” Evan held up his cast. Connor stared at the cast in questioning before it clicked. He has an unusable arm that would prevent him from climbing. “Fuck, that’s right. I’m a moron.”

“Sorry,” Evan mumbled.

“Why are you sorry?” There was absolutely no reason for Evan to be sorry. He wished that didn’t get on his nerves as much as it did.

“You wanted to climb the tree, and I can’t.” Connor sighed and shook his head.

“That’s not your fault, man.” Evan nodded his head and wouldn’t look Connor in the eyes. Connor pursed his lips. There was no reason for Evan to be upset and he wished there was a way he could show the boy that.

Suddenly Evan reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Connor watched him as he looked at the screen and cursed.

Connor walked over and looked over Evan’s shoulder to see who it was.

“Kleinman? What does that fucker want?” Connor growled.

“I forgot I was supposed to hang out with him today.” Connor watched as he hit enter and took a few steps away, probably hoping for a private conversation.

“I’m sorry, I was walking home but Connor wanted to hang out—”

Connor didn’t want to listen. That alone was going to make Jared think that Connor had kidnapped Evan, or at least threatened him. He started picking at his nail polish, ignoring the side of the conversation he can hear.

He should really paint his nails again.

“I’m sorry Connor, can we—”

“Yeah, we can go back,” Connor snapped. He was hoping to have a bit more alone time with Evan, but of course, Jared fucking Kleinman had to come in a ruin that.

“Sorry, this was fun, but—”

“I know.” Connor turned and forced a smile on his face, hoping that Evan understood that he wasn’t mad at him. “You and Jared had plans. Nothing wrong with that.”

Connor started walking away, not waiting to see if Evan was following him.

“Thank you for taking me here,” Evan said as soon as they got into Connor’s truck.

“Yeah. We can come back.” Connor turned to look at Evan and saw that he was looking at his lap, a smile on his face. Connor quickly turned back to the road, heart fluttering as he hears many classmates say.

Evan was actually happy to hang out with Connor, and Connor made him smile.

Getting a hold on this crush may be harder than he thought.

[sleepykalena]

Hello, it's your Secret Santa here! Just wanted to drop by and say thank you for the tropes, it was really helpful. Many of them are my favorites as well. I'm brainstorming ideas now and I have a few, I just need to make a cohesive thing out of it. Hope you like some mutual pining and both of them being oblivious idiots around each other! My question this time is: what's your favorite thing about Rebelcaptain/why do you ship them? Have a lovely day

Thanks for the well wishes! My wrists still hurt from the MRI scans, but i got some rough drawings done for my animation soooo that’s something >__>

I live for mutual pining and both being dumbasses in which they’re cognizant about everything around them EXCEPT THEIR MUTUAL ATTRACTION. Love makes people useless idiots sometimes, i stg

To answer your question, here’s the short answer: I ship Rebelcaptain because of my partner.

I’m gonna gush and get really personal about why this is the case, though, so i’m hiding it under a cut in case folks don’t feel like reading something sappy from me:

I probably need to start off by clarifying that while my partner is the reason why I ship rebelcaptain, he hates 90% of what fandom is, and hates shipping. He thinks that people shouldn’t ever interpret anything as being a ship because it’s not canon. He actually went on to say that he hated the “amount of obvious romantic tension between Jyn and Cassian being shoved in my face” (but still thinks Rogue One is one of the better films in the franchise). Ironic, really, given that our relationship is why I ship rebelcaptain LMAO

My partner, through all the ups and downs we’ve had in the 10 years we’ve known each other (and the nearly 8 years we’ve been together), reminds me strongly of Cassian. Aspects of my relationship with him bears quite a few similarities to Jyn and Cassian on some level, and that, for me, was representation I didn’t realize I wanted until I saw Rogue One. For starters:

Their relationship didn’t start off with some grand romantic gesture; it was a slow-build that relied first on partnership, then friendship, then romance.

Cassian is apprehensive of Jyn, but the more he gets to know her, the more he trusts her, all because Jyn had asked her to. That respect is something I didn’t have often with men before I met my partner.

Cassian, like my partner, has had his world views skewed by the politics around him, and his intensity about it is fueled by the vitriol that those in power have towards people like him.

Cassian is skeptical of things like religion, and questions the social dynamics around him. This is most prevalent in “The Force and I have different priorities”, “They were never going to believe you. But I do, I believe you”, “Suddenly the rebellion is real to you?”, etc. My partner is the same way.

He often puts himself through a lot more stress precisely because he’s cognizant about The Cause, the factors that lead to his situation, and the tough choices he has to make in spite of them. My partner, likewise, puts a lot of effort helping out others because he believes in them or cares about them, but sometimes puts himself through too much to get it done.

Cassian doesn’t swoop in to help Jyn, because he realizes rather quickly that she has skills of her own that she uses to his benefit as well as her own. The trust builds easily because he sees that although Jyn has a lengthy rap sheet, she knows where her moral compass is. He gives Jyn the space to shine, and acts as support when and where necessary.

He will, however, take charge by pulling her along if he concludes that Jyn has emotionally shut down. He never shames her for it- he understands that she’s in a position that’s appropriate for grieving, but tries to pull her to keep going in spite of it. He gets that pain, it’s not new to him, but he has to be the pragmatic one this time and lead. For all the panic attacks I get, this dynamic is especially important for me and my partner.

Despite being so outwardly serious and negative about the world, Cassian has hope. He’s an optimist, while Jyn’s circumstances have made her a pessimist. This hits really close to home.

Jyn was born into privilege and stayed in that position longer compared to Cassian, but neither of them belittle the struggles they hint at having gone through. They mirror each other, but the decorations around the edges of it are just a bit different. Their life experiences and personal priorities, although different, have put them in the same position by the time they meet- what matters more at this point is what they can do together to accomplish a major thing. I was born in much better socioeconomic conditions as my partner, and yet here we are struggling all the same.

Cassian has some major scruff game going on, and nice hair. Reminds me of my partner

Cassian makes grand gestures of support, which is his way of showing that he cares and/or wants to make amends by meeting you in the middle. My partner does this a lot, and it’s how I know he really means it (including romantic gestures, like getting into my personal space far more often than is necessary, and communicates fondness via hand-holding, arm squeezes, and small, quick smiles)

Seeing all this happen on the big screen made me so happy because the similarities between my relationship and jyn and cassian’s gave me hope- the world sucks, but look at what these two accomplished in spite of a shitty galaxy! This dynamic is what helped my relationship last this long- jyn and cassian were robbed of a future that I already can see being so good!

Yeah yeah, who the fuck asked for a novel, you fucking sap

*whispers* please don’t stop sending me asks because you ask me things and i respond with a long answer and it makes you have regrets omg

[thecupcakeconsumer]

The Numbers Don’t Count

JILY CHALLENGE | @thecupcakeconsumer vs. @prongsfoots

Social Media AU Theme: “shoot, i was stalking you on Instagram and accidentally liked a photo from 235 weeks ago”

Notes: Why is this up early? Well, that totally has nothing to do with my procrastinating on math and english and history homework... featuring it’s an AU so I’ll change whatever I like.

The time, her clock read, was 1:37AM – exactly four hours and twenty-three minutes before the same phone that she held in her hand would blast the same alarm as the default tone and she'd moan loudly, trying to turn it off without opening her eyes to the bright, unwelcome light.

Of course, Lily Evans was a little too busy stalking James Potter on Instagram for it to really register.

His account went years back and it seemed as though he'd never deleted anything – not even, she was finding, the photos of him before he'd started to transition.

She couldn't help it – his account was public and he was cute.

He'd been tagged in the most recent picture of their mutual friend Remus Lupin, and here she was, her curiosity having led her to a picture of the pre-transition boy and Sirius Black with the caption “More than friends? Never – we're both too gay.”

She lingered a little too long, and froze when the familiar heart was filled in with red.

“Oh, no,” whispered Lily. “No, no, no no no.”

It was bad enough that she'd been stalking him.

Now, she'd liked a picture from – what was that date? - March 24, 2013.

Four and a half years ago.

As if that wasn't bad enough, it was of him pre-transition: she'd look like a jerk.

Mary and Marlene would either be asleep or out drinking if she texted them at this hour: thus, asking her friends for advice was out of the question.

Should she like every picture so she didn't look like a bitch? Or would that seem too stalkerish?

Would he even notice?

She scrolled up to the top of the screen: @deerestjamie had 254 followers, and was following 409.

Cool, cool, cool cool cool cool. He wouldn't notice one like out of more than three hundred photos, would he?

Obviously, the best solution was just to leave it be and stop stressing, she resolved, putting her phone on the charger and flipping around to turn away from it.

(And yet all twenty minutes it took her to get to sleep, she couldn't stop thinking about it.)

Light streamed in through the narrow opening between the curtains, a bird chirped outside, the fall day just barely cool enough that one could wear a sweater or a t-shirt – of course, none of this mattered to the iPhone whose alarm was about as welcome to its owner as a sheep in heat would have been that morning.

“Oh my God,” murmured Lily, blindly fumbling for her phone and begrudgingly opening her eyes, her relief at managing to turn it off eclipsed by the Instagram notification – a DM from @siriuslyy.

She opened it, and was met with nothing more than “(ง'̀-'́)ง".

“Yeah, real eloquent, Black,” murmured Lily, before realizing there was also a screenshot that seemed to be taken from James's account of her having liked his picture, the only notification for the entire day.

Well, shit.

“Wait, why does Black have access to Potter's account?” murmured Lily, before shaking her head and rolling begrudgingly out of bed, deciding to address it after she got ready for work.

Sirius glared at his phone screen as he sat back on his chair during lunch, feet up on the break table even if he technically wasn't supposed to be lounging as such.

'I know you've seen this message Evans' he tapped out, sending the message, his lip curling when it registered as read almost immediately.

'Is it usual to have access to your best friend's Instagram?' came the sarcastic reply.

'There's nothing usual about us' Sirius answered, then adding, 'Is it usual to like a picture from over four years ago?'

A pause.

'Okay, listen.'

'Listening.'

Grabbing his water bottle off the table, Sirius easily opened it and started to drink, watching with slight amusement as she hesitated.

'I'll explain, but you can't tell James about this.'

'I can't control what the man does and doesn't notice.'

Not that James really would notice, considering almost a third of the pictures were posted by Sirius and he had turned notifications off so as to focus more on his work.

However, it wasn't as if anything would stop Sirius from standing up for James.

'Okay listen I stg I don't have a problem with his being trans – that's not why I was on his profile. Liking that photo was an accident.'

'Was being 3 years back on his profile an accident?'

Another pause, longer than the first.

'No?'

'Look, I have to go.'

And with that, he knew he'd lost her.

Damn.

He’d been having such fun.

“Hey, Lily,” greeted Remus, looking up from the book he was absorbed in when the bell at the door rung.

“Remus, your boyfriend is kind of an asshole.”

“Sirius? We know that by now, but since when do you know him?”

“You know he helps run James's Instagram?”

He blinked. “Since when do you know James? I mean, we all know by now that they're co-conspirators on about everything, but-”

“He was in your most recent picture. James, that is.”

Remus tilted his head to the side, as if trying to gauge what exactly Lily was on about, before realizing.

“You thought he was cute, didn't you?”

She flushed red.

“N-no, that's not what I – not that he isn't, but-” Remus smirked, which did nothing for her comprehensibility.

“I can't blame you, he's always been fairly attractive. Not my type, of course, but you wouldn't be the first who's fallen for him.”

“I did not fall for James Potter!” exclaimed Lily, flailing her arms and flinching when her hand hit one of the bookshelves in the small store. “Ow. Ow. What was I saying? Oh, right, I'm not falling for James Potter! Please. I don't even know the man.”

“Sure, sure, that's what they all say. You know, he's single?”

“He is?” asked Lily, before smacking herself internally when she realized by the way in which he only smiled wider that she'd managed to play herself. “Not that I care. That's great. Lots of people are single these days. Being single is the new being taken.”

“Played yourself, Evans. Now, what were you saying about Sirius? Wait, don't tell me.”

He put down his book on the counter, before walking around to the other side to examine her more closely. “You mentioned Instagram, and the fact that he's cute-”

“I did not-”

“Oh, please. What would Sirius have noticed, then? You know they both run his account, maybe you left a comment on a photo? No, you're that desperate… but stalking him?” Her involuntary twinge was all he needed. “You were stalking him and accidentally liked an old photo. Classic.”

“That's not fair,” murmured Lily, crossing her arms. “You're not allowed to come in here and smart-ass me-”

“Actually, you're the one who came in here, might I remind you. Not that you're unwelcome – it's been a while, hasn't it? And besides, you wear shame so well.”

“Remus!”

“Fine, fine. What do you want me to do about it?”

Her bottom lip jutted out. “I don't know. What am I supposed to do? Is he going to be upset?”

“Who?”

She raised her eyebrows as if it was obvious. “James?”

“Over… your liking one of his old pictures?” Lily nodded furiously. “James?”

“I don't know him!”

“Okay. Think of it this way. James is like the old man who sits in his chair reading the newspaper, and Sirius is like the overactive dog who barks at every disturbance.”

“So…?”

Remus shook his head with a laugh. “He's unlikely to even notice, and if he does he won't care, Lily. It's not a big deal. But – whatever you do – don't let him find out.”

“Because…?”

“Pretty girl like you stalking his Instagram? The man's ego is already big enough that it's a wonder he can fit through a door.”

She sighed in relief. “Oh, thank God. Thanks, Remus.”

“For?”

“For being the smart-ass you are.”

“Me? A smart-ass?” he asked in a bad impression of offense, subtly pulling out his phone and snapping a picture of her in the doorway, looking askance with a smile. “Why, I never.”

“Hey, Moon!” called out James as he entered the shared apartment, throwing his keys on the table and wincing when they fell short.

“James. Good day?”

He nodded, bending down to pick them up. “Great. Actually, work was pretty boring. Paperwork. Buuuut, I saw a cute girl today.”

“She work with you?” asked Remus conversationally.

“Nope!” answered James. “Actually, I didn't see her. Wait, no, that's not even true. I saw her, but like, not in person? I saw a picture of her, that is, taken in… what's your bookstore called again?”

“Lily?”

“No, no, that's not what it's – wait, is that her name?”

His friend smirked. “You know, I have her number.”

“You do?” asked James eagerly, wincing as his voice cracked on the last word. “Wait, seriously? You're not joking?”

“Do you want me to call her?”

“No!” He froze. “Wait, no. I mean, yes. I mean, maybe – you don't just call someone up. Aren't calls outdated? She probably has a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. Then again, being single's on the up-and-up again. It's like being single is the new being taken. What was I saying? Oh, right, Lily. Pretty name. Pretty girl. Okay, I'll call her.”

James pulled out his phone confidently, before stopping. “I don't have her number.”

“I know, James.”

“I'm sorry, I'm just nervous.”

“I know, James.” Remus held out the phone with a grin. “Here. It's ringing.”

“What?!” squeaked James, hurriedly taking it from him. “Remus, you don't just-”

“Hey Remus, called to torment me?”

Even her voice had him in love.

“This isn't Remus.”

“Is this Sirius? I swear to God going through your boyfriend to get to me is just low.”

“What? No! You know Sirius?”

“Wait, if it's not Sirius, then who is this?”

He grinned. “It's James.”

A dramatic pause, then, “I hate you, Remus.”

“Oi! I'm not Remus! That's offensive, he has no taste in men.”

“I'm right here,” piped up the man in question, but was quickly shushed.

“Aren't you friends with Sirius?”

“Doesn't mean I want to date the man. Anyway, Lily, Lily Lily Lily, what're you doing this Friday night?”

If Remus had been drinking tea, he might have spit it out.

“This Friday night? No plans.”

“Great. Want to go out with me?”

A high pitched squeak resounded on the other end of the line, making it hard for James to discern whether or not it was from the technology itself or from his contact.

“Er, Lily?”

“That depends. Does Sirius have access to your phone too?”

“Not too often.”

“Give me your number and I'll be ready at eight.”

Waggling his eyebrows at Remus, he quickly gave her the number, unable to stop the corners of his mouth from spreading.

“I have no clue when I became your wingman.”

“Oh, shut up, Remus, you know you love me.”

“And?”

“And I love you too, Remy-poo.��

James sloppily kissed Remus on the cheek with a wet smack, nothing able to dull his mood.

Not even when he walked into his own door and found it closed, hitting it head-on.

“Adoorable.”

“Quiet, Moony.”