#i...i wrote cockles?

[lunarcowgirl]

lean with me | two

yeah yeah i wrote another part for my fuckass jack abbot x f!doctor!reader fic <3

read part one here and part three here

not my gif! but i do feel crazy about it!!!!!

~

jack abbot made a damn fool of himself in front of the one person he desperately wants to rely on him, now he's got to hope you'll let him fix it.

~

from the office of the author: damn! ya’ll got me feeling some kind of way in the comments and reblogs, I didn’t look at tumblr all day after part one scared it would have no notes 🥹 thank you so so much for your kind words!!!!! ideas for these two are currently eating out my brain like a terrible infectious disease, so expect more soon xoxoxoxo

also, if by chance you have requests/ideas/thoughts drop me an ask, you’d warm the freezing cockles of my heart <3

warnings: age gap of 10+ years, old man is a goose, the weather is shit in pittsburgh but i am from the southern hemisphere so i don’t understand how real winter works pls forgive me, #rollins apologist behaviour from the author, characters stand close to the edge of buildings but they don’t have any plans for leaving said building, bad grammar, bit o’ angst, bit of fluff (as a treat)

word count: 1.6k

Dr Abbot thought he was doing a rather terrible job at feeling anything other than pathetic thank you very much. The final 30 minutes of the shift dragged into eternity, and you were never close enough. You quietly extracted yourself from every scenario in which Jack might touch you or say your name. Hands quick, words gentle, you continued to heal your patients, but the wound between you and Jack remained gaping.

As 7am dawned, black and cold, Jack found himself to be in an entirely black and cold mood. And Robby’s aggravating cheerfulness upon arrival certainly did little to help.

“Brother,” The new father chirped across the desk, “How’d it go last night?”

“Sparkly.” Jack deadpanned, nearly tearing through the paper under his hands with the scratch of his pen. The computer you’d spent so much time hunched over this shift was now dark and quiet.

Usually you would wait to say goodbye before leaving, punching him lightly on the arm, cracking something wise-ass about putting his compression sock on right when he got home, letting his body rest.

“Don’t want the old legs given out on us now do we?”

You’d smile a smile that would tear right through him, making him feel young, like he could run on those old, broken and missing legs forever and ever. Every time it was a battle to not chase after you, to catch you at your car, to ask if you’d smile at him somewhere other than a place that always stunk of pain. That smile was no where to be seen. He tried his best to ignore the sensation of panic sitting near his heart.

“That bad huh?” Robby frowned, looking across one of the calmest Pitts they’d had in months.

“How is it at Casa Robinavitch?” Jack asked, putting down his instrument of destruction to look up at his friend. Robby looked 20 years younger, almost *glowing—*the freak.

“Baby slept 12 hours,” He declared throwing his hands up in delight. “Heather is perfect, and she is all mine tonight,” He added, only marginally quieter, eyebrows dancing.

In the wake of PittFest and all its rotting, rubbing, terror and ugliness, Robby and Heather deserved some goodness. But so much of it, right in front of Jack, was not kind on the stomach in this particular moment.

“Godspeed brother.” Jack laughed, rising from the desk and grabbing his friend’s shoulder for a quick squeeze. “Don’t fuck it up please?”

Robby nodded, smile unmoved, “I won’t. Now can you get your ugly mug out of my face please, I have work to do.”

“Yeah, yeah, have a good shift.”

Standing in front of his locker, the prospect of returning to a freezing, empty house for the next few days held no sense pleasure for Jack. What were the chances that if he wished hard enough, when the door clicked open you would be sitting on his couch in that ratty Penguins jersey you so adored, arms open and waiting for him? Slim, he decided. The usual low growl of the shift’s repressed hardship echoed through his head, waiting to eat away at him in the silence outside the ER. A quick trip to the roof, a few minutes in the freezing cold, would steady him enough to face it…and the absence of you.

The echo of your words seemed to bounce off the concrete walls of the stairs as he ascended.

What right do you have? Like it’s me that’s hurting you*?!*

He sped up; as if he’d ever been able to escape your voice. How was he going to explain his regret, his apology to you? Every last combination of words he tried felt shallow and inadequate. You deserved so much more than cello-taped sentences of shame.

Exploding out into sub-zero was euphoric. For just a moment, the world was in sharp focus, the blur of the past several hours evaporating into nothing but white. Pittsburgh peered down at him, the concrete offering its own disapproving look, the glass its own sting, the barren trees their own answer. Someone else was peering back at it, standing on the other side of the rail, leaning against the freezing metal.

That puffer.

You’d bought it on the very first day of Summer, parading it around the sweltering heat of a Pitt with aircon on the fritz.

“It cost me barely anything,” You told anyone who would listen, “Guess how much!”

You’d twisted back and forth, ensuring everyone got a good angle of the quality, nearly taking out Whittaker in your enthusiasm. Eventually you’d spun around to face Jack.

“Go on Cap, guess!”

He’d said something, a number plucked from obscurity. He couldn’t remember it now, or wether he’d been right. All he was thinking, now and then, was that it exactly matched the colour of your eyes.

He didn’t approach quietly, not wanting to startle you. Each crunch of snow felt like a choice being made, a door fast approaching, a step towards an abyss. You spoke without turning.

“I thought you’d come up here.”

Your words settled; a stone in a pool, ripples dancing out, brushing gently against his heart.

“I can leave if you want.” Jack said, hoping against all hope you would shake off the offer.

Your eyes turned to him, even brighter against the snow. You sighed, dusting off a patch of metal beside you and patting it firmly, “Lean with me.”

Jack only just managed to steady himself in his haste to join you, head nearly colliding with the steel as he ducked between the rails. For a moment you and him leant in breathless, anticipatory silence, looking out at the city that you had sweated and fought and cried for all night long.

It was you that first spoke into the void, “I’ve applied for the new Emergency Pedes Fellowship at PTMC, or have you forgotten that residents do have to find another job after the program ends?”

Jack’s eyes snapped to your face. He remembered Robby mentioning the opening position weeks and weeks ago, just in passing. But all the times you had mentioned your interest in Emergency Pedes medicine, every case you had jumped on to heal a little body, to calm a little mind, to soothe a little heart…he should have put the pieces together.

Without thinking he blurted, “You’ve been the only one ever any good with parents,” The internal wince at his messy attempt at soothing was immediate. Good with parents—what?

Your voice was small now, a tear soaked laugh just perceptible in it, “I didn’t want to tell you until I’d heard either way. I didn’t—” You did laugh now, “I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

Jack turned out to the city, the biting January air far, far easier to face. What an utter fool he was.

“I’m sorry.” He said, shaking his head. You didn’t say a word, just let the wind blow right through the both of you.

Jack returned his gaze to you, letting his eyes have their fill. Taking in each and every line and crease and feature. His favourite face in the whole world.

“I’m sorry,” Your name so soft and reverent on his lips, “It was incredibly…asshole of me.”

Your face scrunched at the words, rallying against a growing desire to laugh, “It was asshole indeed.”

The smallest of smiles. Your proximity. Your endless well of warmth and hope and joy. It made him want to be brave.

“I don’t quite understand it yet, but I feel very strongly about you. You are the first and last person I think about everyday. Yours is the face I picture when its all too much. Your voice is what I hear when I’m afraid. Your laugh is what stills me, calms me.”

Your mouth parted, just a bit, eyes becoming endless, swallowing him whole.

“When I thought that you might leave, perhaps that you would go overseas again, I was struck with fear I haven’t felt in a long, long time.” He took a long, stuttering breath.

“I don’t ever want to lose you.”

You surrendered, moving towards him, hand outstretched.

“It’s not an excuse,” he said, the words coming like a released river now, an outpouring of everything gathering dust within him, “I was selfish and I shouldn’t have done that, it’s not fair—”

Your arms enveloped him, face burying deep into his neck, hands curling into his hair. Everything you had wanted to do from the very first moment your eyes found his. He melted into your embrace, strong arms banding around your body, face pressing into the softest skin between your collarbone and shoulder. You cried into his scrubs, your relief and disbelief and joy bleeding out onto him—this man who had just given you a gift you had never even hoped could be yours.

Jack mumbled into your skin, “Baby, my baby.”

You pulled back, just enough to send your lips flying across his skin, every last bit you could reach. He accepted them gladly, so malleable and giving in your hands. Finally, finally, you found his mouth, crashing home with delight. For one precious eternity you simply remained pressed together, as if somehow endosymbiosis will begin. When you released each other, there was shared breath to relish in, and the feeling of foreheads connected, hands twined together. Could it have possibly been winter? Spring had come to a hospital rooftop in Pittsburgh. Something entirely new had bloomed. Jack gently released you to capture your face in his hands, with one thumb he carefully smoothed the skin between your brows, banishing for now any hint of a crease. There was no confusion, no frustration, no fear here.

“Are you working tonight?” You asked, words too full of smile to really parse.

“No, I’m off for the weekend,” His lips were in your hair.

You kissed him again, more desperate this time, seeking something more. His hands drifted south, smoothing over your shoulders, finding your hips, the tips of his fingers just grazing your ass.

Heart beating wildly, hot skin on hot skin, you took a dive, “Have breakfast with me.”

~~~~~~~~

There is fluff and hope for them in the sunrise people! Thank you for reading, these two will be back very very soon xo

previous | next

[notbecauseofvictories]

So a while ago, my father gave me a loan. It was desperately needed at the time---I was between law school and my first job, I didn't have a lot of ready money on hand. And I was so grateful, using my brand new JD to draft a "contract" that stated the repayment terms. (He was an incredibly forgiving loan administrator too; I just shot him a text any time I didn't think I could wrangle a payment in a specific month.)

Since my dad is quite old school, he wanted written checks as opposed to cash transfers or app payments or what have you. So I fell into the habit of writing him letters to accompany the checks---nothing particularly interesting, but for a man Of His Time, who was never quite sure how to talk to his daughter, I think they did a lot to make him feel connected to me. (Especially since this was purely between us, not something that needed to be triangulated or arranged by my mother.) I wrote him letters about everything from the mundane to the lofty to the mundane again---what I was reading or the things I was thinking about; about Chicago or my job, whatever I was doing that month, loneliness, the power or music, etc.

A couple of times, I wondered (and then wrote in the letters themselves) whether this was something he liked, if he still wanted this? Was this boring? Because I could stop---

---and every time, he would get the letter and immediately text me to say, No, don't stop writing.

The loan has been repaid for a while now, but I would be lying if it didn't warm the stupid cockles of my heart when my father reaches out and says, Hey, I kind of miss your letters.

[strawlessandbraless]

Okay fuck it I've been asking around

When I left the fandom 10 years ago (haven't seen the last 5 seasons) Jensen was lowkey homophobic and uncomfortable with destiel

How did we get from that to "s16 destiel fuck nasty Jensen's on board, Misha gave him a boner"????? This is driving me nuts

There’s a fandom joke that Jensen finally sat down to watch supernatural and was like oh I get it now.

Idk honestly, I think he’s aged and matured and gotten more comfortable with the destiel of it all. The cockles panels always bring it out in him.

Plus he always supports Misha, so he got on board with the declaration of love. Straddlegate was a couple years ago (that was the unintentional 🍆 moment) and he’s only gotten worse better since.

He literally just confirmed at a con today that a song he wrote called watching over me is about Cas! Cockles panels are wild

[angstics]

hiii. ive started publishing my research essays on old gay movies and celebrities. this one ive worked on for months. it's about the 1948 cowboy movie RED RIVER (monty clift's first film) and the rabbit hole i fell into when i was fact-checking a rampant rumor online that monty and his co-star john ireland were sleeping together. the essay i wrote is about how these rumors come about and why audiences latch onto them -- including original biography on that focus. the point is pretty universal, so you can apply it to like... cockles if you want.

i hope it's a fun read :-) RED RIVER is a pretty famous "gay subtext" old film, which that rumor is centered on. i cut up some clips from the film so you can form your own conclusion:

[therealbeachfox]

Hi there!

I was reading your marriage story (happy early 21st anniversary by the way!) and it made me so happy, I was wondering if you’d be okay with me printing it out and showing it to my gsa?

I’m club president and obviously with everything going on in the states people are really stressed, honestly I’m just doing my best to help everyone not sink into despair. I think some of them could really benefit from reading it, especially the underclassmen. Maybe it’s a bit odd to ask but a lot of them don’t have tumblr and it felt odd to print out someone’s writing without asking!

Please! You absolutely may! Let them know where it came from, but otherwise share it wherever you feel comfortable. It's why I wrote it in the first place!

Someone also did a podcast reading of it last June for Pride month for those who prefer audio.

Honestly, I didn't expect this to become so big, but I'm glad I could help shine a little hope into so many people's lives given the storm that's rolling in. Thank you for checking in about it first, but you have my full permission. :)

(This goes for everyone else reading this, too. Just keep 'Beachfox' on it, and we're all good.)

[the-rollerchloster]

Parasocial relationships are strange. Parasocial relationships in a fandom like this one can be even stranger.

I want to preface this by saying that everyone is entitled to their feelings, and feelings are sometimes completely irrational. I am also aware that sometimes our feelings are driven by incomplete thoughts, and have a tendency to overwhelm us and those around us before we can process them. In saying that, I have seen a lot of conflicting emotions and reactions to the reveal that Misha Collins has a "serious" girlfriend (and a large cock apparently, but that is a whole other thing), and I know I shouldn't be surprised by it, but part of me is.

There was a conversation in my discord server over the complicated feelings people have about this news. As a cockles-friendly space this was to be expected, as any new development in the lives of either half of JenMish often spurs these kinds of conversations, but as it started to get emotional I was thanked for bringing some perspective. I hope that I can help anyone who also needs a different way of viewing this situation by making this post, while also helping myself to organise my own chaotic and complicated thoughts.

As I understand it, during the It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time event at this weekend's Burbank convention, Misha told a fun anecdote about gift-giving with his new girlfriend and her daughter, wherein Misha got some things delivered to said girlfriend directly from Amazon, and girlfriend wrapped them for the daughter including what she thought was a microphone but was actually another similarly shaped item not intended for children at all. He continued to say that this "microphone" was for his girlfriend so she wouldn't need to go searching elsewhere for intimacy, as they are currently living in separate states. Now, I was not at the event, and the lack of recordings (recording was strictly prohibited, so if you've got one shame on you, I don't want to know about it!) means that everything I will ever know about this story and the way it was told to the small audience who were lucky enough to be able to attend this event comes as a form of the Telephone game, and therefore lacks a whole lot of body language, tone and context. We, as a fandom, have been severely burnt by this kind of missing nuance before - think DenverCon'21 - and it's these kinds of kneejerk reactions that have the potential to spiral out of control and limit the things we get told at future events - think bishagate.

Think for a second about your personal perception of Misha Collins. He's chaotic, he can be a little self-deprecating or self-effacing, he likes to turn serious anecdotes into jokes. He is also a passionate and caring man, who has a lot of respect and appreciation for his fans. Think about the way he tells anecdotes at standard con panels - it's often a bit tongue-in-cheek, a bit sarcastic, a bit exaggerated - so why would his behaviour at this event, which was specifically set up for Misha to tell stories he wouldn't normally have the space to do in a convention setting, be any different?

I am going to go through my thoughts on some of the things I have seen mentioned about what this all means…

First off, the elephant in the room, what does this mean for Cockles? To me, absolutely nothing. Whatever Jensen and Misha have going on completely transcends a standard sexual and/or romantic relationship. Misha was in his relationship with Vicki for the majority of his life, including when he met Jensen, and we all know she literally wrote a book on polyamory; his perception of relationships is literally shaped and moulded by this, and it's not something he's going to just switch off. Danneel has been a permanent fixture in the cockles dynamic this entire time as well. The JenMish panel at Burbank this weekend will hopefully alleviate any of the doubt anyone is having here, and give us some knowledge that regardless of how Misha defines his relationship status, things will continue in the same chaotic, loving and ridiculous nature we've become accustomed to.

Which segues nicely into the implication that the vibrator was purchased so she wouldn't stray, and therefore their relationship is monogamous. See above thoughts about tongue-in-cheek, exaggerated and self-effacing - when I imagine him telling this story, I see that cheeky, gummy grin going the whole time. Without the nuance of watching this unfold, I think we are all safest to assume that this was a joke, not a firm declaration that he has left his polyamorous attitudes behind.

On thoughts of him "moving on too soon" from his marriage and subsequent divorce, this is where my own feelings get complicated as well, but also where we need to remember that the key feature of a parasocial relationship is that we only see and know what he wants us to. We don't actually know what the trigger for that dissolution was, so in terms of the actual calendar timing it might seem soon, but emotional development and change doesn't run on a standard calendar. We don't know how long the process was before the decision was made to separate. I am currently working through a messy separation, and while I can pinpoint the decision to somewhere in the past 6-12 months, my marriage has realistically been dead for 3+ years, and we're a (supposedly) monogamous couple. As a poly couple, I can imagine that Misha and Vicki worked through every alternative option possible before landing on the decision to formally separate, and had probably well and truly been through the mourning period before it was even all over. Adult relationships are complex at the best of times, and no one ever truly knows what is happening in them except the people involved. I also think that as a man who is nearing 50 and just come out of very long term relationship, that he doesn't actually know how to be "alone", nor does he want to…

Lastly, for some of us, this is someone important in our lives who has found happiness in another person when perhaps we don't have that for ourselves. When those feelings hit, they can be extremely disheartening, and I want to send all my loving thoughts to anyone who falls into this category. It's difficult when the envy turns your stomach in knots and then your thoughts spiral into all the things wrong that mean that no matter how much you want to you can't just be happy for someone. Love and life are complicated, human beings are complicated, society is complicated. There is this hugely widespread and toxic mentality that we are all raised on that says we are halves of something that is destined to find our other half in order to feel whole, and it's utter bullshit. We shouldn't need one singular significant other to feel complete, and sometimes we get so determined to find that someone that we end up sacrificing ourselves to make them fit. (see also; Daniel Sloss' thoughts on this subject in his stand-up special Jigsaw)

There are many different kinds of love, many different kinds of relationships, and many different kinds of people. If anyone proves that to us, it's Misha Collins. He is walking evidence that human life is chaotic and unpredictable and indeterminate and we can make our own fucking rules. I hope that we can collectively be respectful of him, no matter what (or who) he chooses, and feel grateful for everything he trusts us enough to share.

[ziigee]

Friend: Hey, it's Saturday, wanna hang out?

Me: um, sorry, i got things to do, catch ya later

Things to do,

this 3 min interview

Misha: my roommate crawled under my covers.. He wrote a song for me..

Interviewer: YOU were his Jesus! They were mesmerized by him ����

I can't.. he looks so good here..

2. Finally got around to rewatch s7 (it's been ages)

holyfuck.. look at him!..

3. then there is this..

stare, drool and fantasize over thousands of shamelessly downloaded pics, gifs and art for science

4. Pick 3 from endless list of fics and ficlets to cry and giggle over...

5. and finally, cockles panels (it's gonna be tricky to pick one)

i will be draping myself with Misha/ Castiel/ Cockles into a burrito for the next 12 hours.

happy saturday, y'all. 💙💚

[thislovintime]

Top left photo by Tom M. Morton.

Remembering Michael.

“I have a great deal of respect for Mike as a musician and a songwriter. He’s very good. He could make it on his own easily. Also he’s one of the funniest people I’ve ever met.” - Peter Tork, Flip, August 1967 "Mike’s a song writer, one of the best in the country." - Peter Tork, The San Francisco Examiner, November 23, 1968 (x) "Mike Nesmith makes good records, but Thorkelson considers Nesmith’s greatest talent to be his ability to craft great comedy.” - The Bowling Green News Revue, May 24, 1979 (x) “I remember staying at Mike’s house in Hollywood when we first started filming the series. It was the upper story of a two-story building on a little hillside. Mike’s wife, Phyllis, was wonderful. Mike and I laughed a lot and played music together. I remember that time very fondly.” - Peter Tork, When The Music Mattered (1984) “Michael was very kind to me at the outset. He put me up through the entire shooting of the pilot process. He and his wife had a wonderful little apartment just big enough for a guest on the day bed, which overlooked Hollywood. I remember a Thanksgiving Day when the air was crystal clear in a way that I’ve never seen it before or since in L.A., and you could see all the way out to Catalina. It was wonderful. That crystal clarity symbolizes the whole era for me. Mike and I wrote a few things together. We were very comradely and very buddy buddy, and it was a wonderful time, with Mike’s then wife, Phyllis, and Christian, their little infant baby. The early days of the pilot shooting were just great by my lights and I had a wonderful time.” - Peter, quoted in Hey, Hey, We’re The Monkees (1996) “You should’ve heard Mike singing some of those old Jimmie Rodgers The Singing Brakeman songs. He was so good, that stuff was just — you know, that stuff just warmed the cockles of my heart, you know. He could just do that stuff all day long. Just — I could just sit at his feet and listen to that for hours.” - Peter Tork, WHNN-FM, 2012 (x)

[justhistoryofus]

I would like to reply to the last reblog (@mememe12345mememeio) of my post which unfortunately is now blocked for me)

I also lost interest in this conversation, because you are a radical after all. And it seems you don't even read my text in full. Because for the third time you've missed my remark that I'm not proving that Dean was worried and grieved only for the angel. I'm giving you excerpts from the scripts, which indicate that he cares about him TOO, among other things. You're also missing my words about there being confirmation of different interpretations in the canon. Actually, this is the main reason for these endless disputes among fans (for your interpretations, I also have excerpts from the scripts, but in this case, that was not the point, but it seems you don't really follow your and my reasoning).

So I also lost interest in arguing with you. But I really don't like it when people tell me that I need to check my facts, but they themselves don't bother to properly search for information. I'll help you.

In this particular paragraph, you have one funny mistake (4-5 gifs). Funny, because you are very proud of your knowledge.

Your text:

«After gifs you attached i unfortunately cannot take you serious - you literally use gifs which are used by cockles shippers - gifs which are put out of the context and the reality was pretty different - watch please those cons!!!

Right the 1st one - after the 1st and 2nd gif you missed the 3rd which cocklesers never show but j2 fans pretty often as jensen continued with:" because i do not love you, haha", the 3rd gif was a joke about both ships not only deathstiew; the next 2 - i unfortunately have not found tge gif which followed as jensen started to laught and said "no, he would tell him hey pal; how are you"... only the last 2 are valid but even there jensen continued with other examples and answered a question from heller...»

Firstly, my task (and I wrote this in my answer) was to show how one can prove one's case by taking certain phrases of actors at conferences out of context. I have referred several times to my words about how certain phrases from actors/writers etc. are not a strong enough argument for me (regardless of your position / ship / interpretation). Precisely because they can be taken out of context. And also because there were a lot of different people with different views working on the show. (Do you even read the text or is it a conditioned reflex to certain images?)

Secondly, I think that the gif you mentioned, which should be the 3rd one, fits the joke category quite well.

Thirdly, I didn't quite understand why the 3rd gif is a joke about both ships. Only with a big stretch. The point is literally that Sam doesn't like Cas because he has better taste. Dean has no taste. This is one logical step. literally. But okay, these are minor details, I get your point.

So, the 4th and 5th gifs are not the moment you're talking about. It was Jensen's direct answer to a direct question from a fan (I also mention him in my text). Here is a link to the conference, and to save you the trouble - time code 20:01 - SPNVAN 2022

The answer you are talking about in another conference: JIB11 (time code 4:03) Here, what you pointed out is a joke about Dean not being used to discussing things. Also note that you are cutting everything he said before and after out of context.

And let me remind you, the argument wasn't even about the romantic interpretation of Dean and Cas's relationship! But rather about Cas being an important person in Dean's life (friend/brother in arms, etc. - this is literally what your respected Jensen Ackles is talking about). I suppose you do have a conditioned reflex after all...

In general, I just don't like it when people lie. Especially when they accuse me of not checking the facts enough.

I hope this will help you see your own mistakes and develop a little self-criticism. Thank you.

P.s. for casual viewers - these are the gifs we were talking about

[sailorsally]

hey ok so please don't get me wrong I am a cockles tinhat since the beginning ok this is a very genuine question bc my thought process is very slow: but what the werepire wedding news has anything to do with cockles? like I really don't get it, again this is a genuine question I want to get it so I can be excited (cockles wise) too lol am I really that dumb? anyways sorry to bother it's ok if you don't want to answer this :)

well, there are lots of similarities there.

1) DJ & TY met thru SPN just like Jensen & Misha

2) They too met about 10 years ago & have been close friends since, like Jenmish

3) they moved in together at one point, again like Jensen & Misha

4) I read somewhere that the whole thing started from them jokingly kissing one time (?). There is a whole ass poem Misha wrote about kissing his costar. So, another parallel

5) DJ & Ty's relationship started out as a friendship and evolved into romance, which is what people think also happened to Jensen and Misha over the years.

I think these are all parallels I've got so far :)

[walkergirlsposts]

https://www.tumblr.com/walkergirlsposts/760347252529217536/i-really-cant-understand-jensen-he-wrote-a-few?source=share

If you listen to some songs of Jensen some have literally phrases that Jared said multiple times and some also tells things that relate more to Jared than Jensen. And there is nothing wrong, many singers to that, it's common, they are storytellers, and I'm NOT saying that they are in relationship and blah blah blah.

I don't know why Cockles get hurt so much by facts. I remember when they tought that the cover album was for destiel.

After prequelgate I started to hate Jensen but I can't deny that he and Jared had a long friendship.

I do believe he wrote some of the earlier songs for him, too. Of course you go to any cockles blog and they outright deny it. That's always funny. J2 have had more history than cockles ever will. You can't deny that.

[mangatxt]

Words for WIP ask game: omen, worship, whisper, similar

these are such good ones!! thank you so much.

omen -- I don't have this one exactly, so I had to cheat and use moment. from a serirei oneshot called 'speed run':

Back then, Reigen’s mouth said ‘yes’ before his brain had fully processed the question. Once the calculations caught up it was too late — because, as Reigen knew in the deepest, twistiest cockles of his soul, the worst thing a man can be is an asshole, but the second-worst thing? Inconsistent. Thus, despite a night of incessant heart palpitations, Reigen signed a lease the next day. When they moved in, they had two of nearly everything. Two TVs, two couches, two sets of dishes, and all the rest. Up until that moment, Reigen hadn’t considered his own possessions much outside their utility. The TV was a thing to watch; the couch, a place to sit; the dishes, a tool for sustenance. He’d bought nearly all of it secondhand, and even if he’d fucked up the re-upholstery or needed to slap the top of the CRT a few times to filter out the stubborn static — it all worked just fine. 

worship -- from the same oneshot as above (nsfw under the cut):

And Serizawa, normally the voracious one in the relationship, hasn't noticed a thing. He throws himself into these new tasks like a monk tending to a batch of sacred texts in an abbey, and Reigen is left to worship the rubber end of his Hitachi wand.

whisper -- from sage advice 8:

“I mean, what do you even like about him?” Serizawa’s voice is low, barely a whisper over the moving water, the dull chatter, the hum of the lights. “I like watching him. Spending time with him. His sense of humor. I realized that I’m never bored when he’s around.” “What is he, a clown?” “Not on purpose.” “You have weird taste, Serizawa.” “I know.”

similar -- from sage advice 8:

Serizawa gestures to the salt-encrusted dartboard in the corner, where someone taped up a Seasoning City map, and the spot on the wall, where one of someone’s thrown darts missed the board entirely and left a small gash in the drywall not quite covered by the adjacent picture frame. “I fail to see how that’s related,” Reigen says. Serizawa then gestures to the ‘missing�� flier pinned to the photo board, upon which someone circled the cat’s picture with Reigen's fat red marker and wrote “I’ll find you” across the bottom in Reigen's handwriting. “I see the confusion. Let’s not get carried away. It’s like a lost cat, but…it isn’t. It’s like how evil spirits are often confused for muscle cramps. It’s a very similar situation — nearly identical to the untrained eye! But yet, an entirely different thing.”

thanks again for the ask!

[lightofraye]

Oh hello Cynifer!

You're back.

You did not stay away as long as I'd hope. I actually recognized you. Damn.

But you and your anons are clearly lacking wits, but I guess that makes sense, given you're a Cockles and Heller fanatic. I guess they don't check for critical thinking or reading comprehension during enrollment into those subsections of the fandom.

Or you'd actually be able to tell the difference between my writing and my daughter's. She's real, by the way. That cutesy little thing your anon quoted from her bio was because people actually thought I made her up--and she took that concept and ran away with it. Why shouldn't she? It's hilarious how people--namely folks like you, AAs and anyone who dislike me for pointing out facts--couldn't tell our writing styles apart.

Secondly, if none of you--again, you--can't see the pain in Jensen's eyes, the way he reacted to that fan's unnecessarily cruel remark about "get back to work!", the way he barely really smiled at SDCC, then I can't help you. Because I know I'm not "delulu". Others have seen it, and we're not making it up--not like you Hellers and Cockles fanatics.

But y'know, for someone who advised to "block and ignore" your anons or yourself don't seem to listen. I only know you wrote this complete nonsense was because a follower let me know. I don't use a sock to visit blocked Tumblrs. My life is too short for that nonsense.

I mean... to call us creepy? My daughter for coming to the defense of her mother? Really? And me for... what? Seeing Jensen as he is, as opposed to the beautiful trophy you and your followers see? To see Jensen as flawed, as human? As someone who, while having some lovely success to his career, clearly isn't happy?

Oh right.

You stan Danneel.

And you say I'm delulu.

Go ahead, live with your self-insert in Danneel's very empty, very pitiful life.

I know what matters. It's not the money. It's not the fame. It's not the 30 room McMansion in Connecticut.

It's the symphony I hear that you and your anons are in denial about.

[kylieswift31]

Mary's song 💘

(Oh My, My, My)

"And isn't it just so pretty to think

All along there was some invisible string

Tying You to Me?"

The concept of the invisible string within Taylor's lyrics is often seen as a metaphor for the intangible connection between two soulmates who were always destined to be together, but what if it was also meant to represent an ongoing queer love story that has been woven throughout Taylor's discography too?

"And our daddies used to joke about the two of us growing up and falling in love. And our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes and said oh my, my, my."

Taylor has previously described how she wrote 'Mary's song' after being inspired by the longevity of her neighbours long lasting relationship when she heard about the long and happy life they had shared together. Considering Taylor was still in high school when she wrote this I don't want to focus on the love story within the lyrics so much, but instead I would like to explore the potential meanings behind the song title 'Mary's song (oh my, my, my)'.

Before I go any further I just want to add that this ended up being an incredibly long post but it felt imperative to explore the topic in a comprehensive yet relatively cohesive manner. I won't make this any longer than it needs to be by adding a long list of disclaimers but just know that they are implied. This is likely to challenge typically deemed as facts about Taylor's past but my only intention with sharing this is to provide a new perspective that others may not have considered before, so if you decide to keep reading please do so with an open mind. x

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle-shells and pretty maids all in a row."

The name Mary is often associated with the religious figure that gave birth to Jesus, it's a name frequently used within royal families and in pop culture it's usually tied to the classic Disney movie Mary Poppins. But there's also the name Mary that is referenced in the 'Mary, Mary, quite contrary' nursery rhyme too. The undertones of this nursery rhyme allude to themes of abundance and fertility, but the imagery associated with it could also be seen as an example of the 'hidden in plain sight' idiom with how a singular flower becomes inconspicuous when nestled amongst a garden full of flowers. 'Uno pro omnibus, omnes pro uno' comes to mind here as well.

"I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind."

There have been many references to flowers, botanicals and secret gardens throughout Taylor's career, but one of the most notable is the flowers painted onto the front of the eras tour surprise song piano. Speaking of the eras tour, part of what lead me to consider if there was a deeper emotional connection that Taylor shares with 'Mary's song' was the eras tour mashup of 'Mary's song x so high school x everything has changed' that is typically associated with Travis. I don't believe this mashup was intended for Travis on a romantic level, but I do remember how divisive this night of the eras tour was between those that had recognised the queer flagging and those who were invested in the heteronormative love story playing out between Taylor and Travis. But what if we've all been viewing two different sides of the same coin? What if Taylor has been telling a queer love story that is inherently political?

"I can't think of getting old it only makes me want to die. And I can't think of who I was 'cause it just makes me want to cry, cry, cry." -Paramore

The 'everything has changed' music video Taylor created with Ed Sheeran reflects the same style of young love story that plays out within 'Mary's song', but this time Taylor and Ed represent the parents watching on as the two children develop a strong bond with each other. This mashup of Taylor Swift, the anthology and red albums was played on the 112th show for Amsterdam n3, and was the only night where the orange and pink 1989 outfit combination was used at the same time as the orange and pink lover bodysuit (🧡🤍🩷 = the lesbian flag x2). The other surprise song was 'sweeter than fiction x holy ground' from the 1989 and red albums and Paramore also played 'caught in the middle' as their surprise song earlier in the night as well. 'Everything has changed' isn't the only example of Taylor portraying herself as the parent in the story, which suggests that the same could be true with 'Mary's song' too. The benefit of putting distance between herself and the main characters in this way is that it creates a diversion away from the fact that she has arguably been writing music from the male muse's perspective from the very beginning.

"Look in my eyes, they will tell you the truth, the girl in my story has always been You. I'd go down with the titanic, it's true, for you, lover."

Next I'd like to focus on the other half of the song title '(Oh my, my, my)'. This style of singular and multiple word repetition is synonymous with Taylor's musical style and is featured throughout other songs such as 'stay, stay, stay'. Other than 'death by a thousand cuts' that repeats 'my, my, my, my' eight times during the intro, 'lover' is the only other song that repeats 'my, my, my' throughout the whole song. The remix for this song features Shawn Mendes, who was also at the Amsterdam n3 eras tour show when the 'Mary's song' mashup was played. I understand that Taylor has claimed in the past that the added lyrics to the remix were written by Shawn, but I can't help but notice how much they reflect the love story being told in 'Mary's song' from a more honest and lived experience type of perspective. For example lyrics such as "I'll sing love songs to you when we're eighty" calls into question the two year age gap in 'Mary's song' that is often considered an invisible string connection between Taylor and Travis.

"People throw rocks at things that shine but they can't take what's ours. The stakes are high, the water's rough but this love is ours."

The 90's millennial-esque reference to the Titanic movie in the 'lover' remix lyrics is often seen as a cringey addition because of the history surrounding the Titanic ship sinking, but I believe it was intended to be more of a reference to the story about two people from two completely different worlds falling in love with each other against all odds. After winning his way aboard the Titanic and meeting Rose for the first time a la "jumpin' off of very tall somethings", Jack began to dress up in an attempt to fit in with Rose's extravagant lifestyle. An example of this type of polar opposites relationship in Taylor's music can be found in the 'ours' music video where she spends her days working in a monotonous office job while her partner is depicted as a soldier returning home from war. Viewing Taylor as the man returning from a life in the spotlight in this scenario reflects the way Taylor described her relationship with Joe Alwyn, but it was described in a way that seemed to be alluding to someone else in her life who wasn't necessarily a celebrity. "I was falling in love with someone who had a wonderfully normal, balanced life. We decided together we wanted our relationship to be private."

"I find it funny thinking about if I were to have, like a, like a party for all the songwriters on that song. 'Cause it would just be Me. It'd be just the same as when I was in high school! I'm just like... erh! 🤷🏼‍♀️"

During an interview with Jimmy Fallon Taylor mentioned how much she loves the song 'lover' and then went on to jokingly point out how she could have a lonely little songwriter party for one to highlight how she wrote the love song on her own. The tone Taylor used implies that she was making fun of herself but if that's the case it's an odd thing to say during the album promotion when she had written so many other songs by herself in the past. It's Jimmy's restrained yet giggly reaction to her comment paired with Taylor doubling down by adding another comment about how she was writing alone in high school too that suggests that Taylor is purposefully bluffing about writing alone. This type of non-malicious deceit is synonymous with an unreliable narrator (the Truman show, the sixth sense etc.) telling a story built on top of a lie that was told and believed in the very beginning of the story. The nature of this type of storytelling calls into question everything that we know about Taylor's past, but it's also an invitation for us to reassess everything once more with a renewed perspective to gain a deeper understanding of what she has been through.

"He says, "baby, is something wrong?" I say, "nothing, I was just thinkin' how we don't have a song"."

Taylor is the only songwriter credited on the song 'lover', yet in this interview she is implying that someone else was involved in the writing process of this song and others written during her time at high school. There are five songs on the Taylor Swift album that are written solely by Taylor, and the ones that stand out the most include 'Tim McGraw', 'Mary’s song' and 'our song'. The first begins with a lie, the second is about long-lasting love and the third is centred around a couple writing their own song when the songs on the radio don't seem to fit their relationship dynamic. Taylor's lie in this interview is one of the more tangible examples I've found that alludes to her working with someone else in secret throughout her career. My understanding beyond this is based on incredibly subtle comments and references within the TSCU that suggest that Joe Alwyn ghost writing as William Bowery was the soft launch for something much more complex and longterm that has yet to be revealed. So if what Taylor is alluding to is true then who could she have been referring to? Her best friend Abigail perhaps?

"Back then, I swore I was gonna marry Him someday but I realised some bigger dreams of mine."

Abigail was first introduced during the 'picture to burn' music video in 2007, named in the 'fifteen' song in 2008, appeared on the Ellen show with Justin Timberlake for the 'fearless album release party' in 2008 and then starred in the 'fifteen' music video in 2009. Apart from her presence at Taylor's parties and the occasional photo on social media over the years Abigail's public appearances with Taylor since the fearless era have been minimal, but do include attending the 2015 Grammys as Taylor's date and then her brief appearance in the Miss Americana documentary during a segment when there was an immense emphasis placed on how much Taylor values her friends and family.

"(And there's a lot of cool chicks out there) But one of these things is not like the others, like a rainbow with all of the colours."

Taylor was well known for name dropping boys who had broken her heart with her outspoken rebellious country singer attitude as a teen when her career began to take off, but the way she introduced Abigail as her red headed best friend from high school at the same time completely solidified her role as "Taylor's best friend". As Taylor continued to amass a large friendship group full of celebrities over the years Abigail's anonymity allowed her to hide in plain sight and now hardly anyone spares her a second thought when trying to decipher who Taylor's muse could possibly be. Out of respect for Abigail's privacy I'd like to explore her connection to Taylor as more of a 'platonic muse' going forward where possible, but I would like to leave the possibility of her being either a romantic or non-monogamous partner open to interpretation. ✌🏼✌🏼

"Oh my, my, my. I die every night with you. Oh my, my, my. Living for your every move." -Troye Sivan

Taylor's use of the lyrics "oh my, my, my" also extends beyond her own discography. During the reputation stadium tour Taylor invited Troye Sivan on stage at the rose bowl so that they could perform his song "my, my, my" and then encouraged the crowd to check out his upcoming album bloom that was yet to be released. They also attended the GLAAD media awards in 2016 where they were photographed together with Ruby Rose. Not only is this yet another reference to flowers and gardens, but Taylor and Troye both share the same TS initials too. Considering 12/13 is Taylor's birthday and 13 is also her favourite number, the 13+13=26 on the 'I bet you think about me' cake seems like a red herring for TS x 2. And if Abigail is part of Taylor's story to some extent then perhaps we need to take her initials and date of birth into consideration too? Her initials are currently AAB (Abigail Anderson Berard) which converts to 112 numerically and her birthday lands on 4/4 which adds up to 8 just like the 2+6 on the wedding cake.

"A happy meal 🍔🍟💗" -Taylor's IG caption

Ever since I watched Taylor's box of lies skit for the first time I've been wondering if she's been using McDonalds references to troll everyone because it's such a recognisable and inescapable franchise. When Taylor opened box three she pulled out a black and white Grimace memoir book with the title 'I'm not loving it - my life under the golden arches' on the cover, she revealed that there was a compartment with a burger and fries inside the book and then proceeded to tell the truth instead of lying about what was inside her box. On the surface this is a reference to Katy Perry's appearance in the 'you need to calm down' music video, but it also highlights the Men versus Women muse connotations with the reference to the two golden arches that create the M logo. "Who's Taylor Swift anyway?" EW, EM, ME or... WE? When you shorten "oh my, my, my" down even further you get the initials OMMM and both the O and the M (I x4) letters replicate the 2D shapes of a burger and fries. Was "oh, my, my, my" always supposed to be a satirical "MMM I'm loving' it" eye roll about the men she's dated? Or were the burger and fries from a happy meal originally an inside joke between two best friends?

"From the tortured poets department."

Speaking of books, during the 'fortnight' behind the scenes music video Taylor spontaneously had the idea to put an 'us' Easter egg on the cover of the book she was holding during the silhouette scene in an attempt to add a deeper layer of meaning to the music video. At the time this was foreshadowing the release of her collaboration on the song 'us' that featured on Gracie Abram's album the secret of us. 🤍🖤 Amongst the Midnights Mayhem with Me announcements and the midnights album release Taylor also put a lot of emphasis on how the back covers of the vinyl variants joined together to create a clock. "It's a clock, she's a clock. It'll help you tell time!" Taylor putting emphasis on these two particular Easter eggs made me wonder if these examples were actually red herrings for something else that she had done in a similar way that we hadn't considered were connected to each other in the past.

"I've got an 'I heart question mark' written on the back of my hand."

As I was looking through the front and back covers of Taylor's other albums I discovered that the Taylor Swift back cover has a black heart drawn on Taylor's left foot and the Lover back cover has a pink heart drawn around Taylor's right eye. They seem a little inconsequential at first glance, yet Taylor's use of the heart beauty mark on alternating sides of her face suggests that the placement of the hearts may actually hold a lot of significance. Does one represent the 'good girl' and the other the 'anti-hero'? Or is one side for Taylor and the other for Abigail? The first thing that comes to mind when I look at the back cover of the Taylor Swift album is that she shot herself in the foot, and in contrast the lover back cover looks more like Cupid's arrow finally hit the bull's eye. "The actors were hitting their marks". Do these hearts imply that these two albums are intended to be viewed as chronological bookends for the story Taylor has been telling?

"We're just two cowgirls! Can't ya see our hats? She plays drums and I write our songs. We ain't got no boyfriends, this is how we spend our free time!" -Taylor and Abigail's song from 2009

There have been many archery, cherubs and Valentines day motifs throughout Taylor's music videos and performance art over the years but one example that tends to get overshadowed is the band of cherubs playing music at the back of the stage when we get a peek at what's inside Brendon Urie's heart during the 'Me!' music video. Taylor had mentioned in an interview at the beginning of the lover era that 'I write sins not tragedies' by Panic! at the Disco reminded her of being sixteen years old and "driving down the streets of Hendersonville, Tennessee, with my best friend Abigail, euphorically screaming the lyrics." This was initially an Easter egg for Brendon's involvement in the 'Me!' music video, but out of everyone Taylor could have collaborated with for an incredibly queer music video it's peculiar that she chose the one person who's music reminded her of her best friend Abigail. The close up on the drummer during this scene stood out considering the 'lover' music video is one of the rare occasions we've seen Taylor playing the drums despite her proficient experience with many other musical instruments, but it does remind me of the rare video from 2008 of Abigail playing the drums while Taylor sings a song they had made up over the holiday break. I can't help but wonder if the hearts on the drum kit and the drum kit in the lover house represent Abigail's presence in Taylor's life even though she hasn't been named or referenced directly.

"Wise men once said "one bad seed kills the garden"."

So what makes Mary contrary? It's said that the origins of this nursery rhyme stems from Queen Mary I of England and her refusal to conform to her father's religious indoctrinations, but in a general sense it can take on a more whimsical tone to portray someone who goes against the grain of society in an unconventional manner. Or in Taylor's case the Tayliar x provingapointlor x autismlor trifecta that we all know and love. It's well known that Taylor began leaving Easter eggs in the lyrics of her first album to encourage her fans to read them, but I can't help but wonder if there was also something "invisible" buried there that would one day turn out to be what sets the dominoes cascading in a line... or in this case the one bad seed that kills the garden of Taylor™.

"I had a marvellous time ruining everything!"

I've pointed out before how the 'hey Stephen' Stephen Colbert interview was demonstrating how drawing our attention to Taylor's left hand that's pointing to the piece of pizza is inadvertently diverting our attention away from the fact that she's also pointing to the golden egg with her right hand. Looking back on this now it feels like the slice of pizza represents karma the lost album that everyone is still eagerly anticipating and the golden egg Stephen is holding could be seen as a reference to Travis Kelce because it leads to a football throwing skit Stephen had done in honour of the 87th Super Bowl. This skit featured Chewbacca amongst other famous figures catching the ball and passing it along, but what makes it a golden easter egg could be the fact that the Chewbacca cameo then leads back to the night Taylor and Abigail dressed up in matching Chewbacca costumes for halloween in 2007. And what makes the concept of karma the perfect decoy is that it draws everyone's attention towards reputation (Taylor's version) and away from how the story began with Taylor Swift (Taylor's version). Looking back it feels like karma the lost era was the beginning of Taylor kicking it up a notch by including a wider variety of 'bad' eggs amongst the good ones that act as a dead end to lead everyone astray.

"Karma is my bestie (mmm)."

The other half of the interview with Stephen was spent demonstrating how the names Taylor mentions in her music, and homophones in general, have the potential to change the meaning of a song depending on how you interpret it. "Mmm, I can't help myself". Stephen pretended to argue that the song 'hey Stephen' was all about him but Taylor claimed that it would be too obvious to do that and that the song was actually about Stephen King. The same could be said for many songs in Taylor's discography including 'Mary's song', but something to consider is that Taylor may have also deliberately removed any direct references to Abigail's name in her songs to make them much more difficult to find. For example, Ice Spice sitting in a shell bed during the 'karma' music video could be a reference to the cockle-shells in the 'Mary, Mary quite contrary' nursery rhyme or her name could be seen as a connection to Abigail's Posh Spice halloween costume that was inspired by her overall love of the Spice Girls. And then there's also the scene where Ice Spice is depicted as a cloud in the sky...

"I'm the wind in our free-flowing sails and the liquor in our cocktails."

Which brings us to the elusive 'Gail's song' that was listed as track four on the third edition of demo CDs Taylor was handing out to record labels around Nashville in 2004. Just like many swifties shorten Taylor's name down to Tay or TayTay, Abigail's name can also be shortened down to Abby or, much less commonly, shortened down to Gail. I feel like Taylor has referenced this version of Abigail's name much more than anything else, especially with the gale, wind and sky metaphors that go along with it. Ice Spice in the 'karma' clouds is one of the more obvious examples but there's also the wind blowing in 'mastermind', the salt air referenced in 'August' and Taylor's utter adoration for rain shows. And then anything starting with A stands out as possible references to Abigail too: August in the fictional love triangle, the ace up her sleeve, the special "trust me mine is better" scarlet letter etc. ♥️ Time will tell if 'Gail's song' ends up being included on Taylor Swift (Taylor's Version), but I can't help but wonder if it was actually renamed and/or rewritten to become what we now know as 'Mary's song (oh my, my, my)'.

"Hey kids, spelling is fun!" -Taylor "A-B-C-D-E, F-U!" -Gayle

Do you remember who was the very first artist to open for and perform on the eras tour stage? Gayle! Also known as Taylor Gayle Rutherfurd, her name was listed on the original eras tour poster in purple writing and the dates she was attending were marked with the crescent moon emoji. 🌙 Gayle had moved from Texas to Nashville to pursue her music career, rose to fame with her song 'ABCDEFU' and then Taylor invited her to be an opening act for the eras tour when she was only eighteen years old after hearing her sing. Since then Gayle has been pictured at several awards nights sitting next to Taylor (including the AMA's) and more recently she's posted an April Fools prank on IG about how she was planning to change her artist name to Gail to avoid disgracing the family name with her "provocative behaviour". Looking back at her performances it's fascinating to see Gayle's bright orange guitar, her 'karma orange' microphone, the vest that was covered in cats and the floral dress that matches both Taylor's Grammys dress and the surprise song piano. But what stands out the most is the way she finishes up most of her performances with a little, dare I say defiant, run down to the left side (stage right) of the diamond part of the stage and back again. (TS7-12 half of a clock?) "I keep my side of the street clean, you wouldn't know what I mean." This feels like the closest Taylor could've gotten to referencing Abigail on the eras tour without actually revealing her involvement, and doing so at the very start of the eras tour is such an unexpected choice in timing to look back on. 🧡💜

"What a crash, what a rush. Fuck me up Florida!"

But wait, there's more! During the eighth eras tour show on 4/13 at Raymond James stadium in Tampa, Florida n1 Taylor 'accidentally' thanked Gracie instead of Gayle during the lover era speech so to make up for it Taylor apologised to Gayle during the 'champagne problems' speech later that same night. "I'm so sorry Gayle, and I love you!" This apology seemed like it was directed at more than just Gayle, especially at a time when the Florida connection to the tortured poets department still remained a secret. Looking back at the performance of 'Florida!' with Florence Welch making a guest appearance (who looks remarkably like Abigail), I can't help but wonder if the tortured poets department has always been a party of two. ✌🏼 And remember how there was the no LA post? Yeah, that was the last time Gayle opened for the the eras tour... "I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye." ❤️‍🩹

"The idea you had of Me, who was she? A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel who's shine reflects on You."

Ever since the "ready for it?" reputation era ended it feels like Taylor has been going back in time to share pieces of her story through the perspective of Taylor™ at a time when everyone had assumed she was trying to move forward, and the 'all too well' short film has definitely played a central role in that endeavour. I know Taylor™ is typically viewed as the pop star version of the queer Taylor hidden underneath, but I'd like to propose the possibility that Taylor™ might actually be a combination of both Taylor and Abigail. Taylor has had a long history of featuring redheaded people in her music videos, through collaborations with artists such as Ed Sheeran and has even gone so far as to portray herself in a similar way on the screen throughout the eras tour. But it's the way she insisted that the 'all too well' short film wouldn't have gone ahead if Sadie Sink had turned down playing the role of 'her' that implies that there's an integral and significant meaning behind the hair colour and the SS initials that leads to Taylor's character 'her, later on' sharing her story alone with such a distinctive look. It's implied that Dylan O'Brian's character 'him' had left 'her' behind, but the way he lingers outside in the snow suggests otherwise and perhaps there's more to the story than meets the eye. I can't help but wonder if the tortured poets departing from public view is what precipitated the alchemical creation of Taylor™, and therefore the underlying story being told in the 'All Too Well' short film is the evidence of the woMan-U-Script existing.

The alchemy of A+T+W-> T-A+M

XIII = 2 becoming 13 🤞🏼 -> 🖕🏼✌🏼

Taylor™ tAbby cats 🐈🐈 & the Cheshire cat 🐈‍⬛

(Olivia, Meredith & Benjamin Button)

0. Abigail - Taylor = 'anti-hero' invisible string 👌🏼🐈‍⬛

1. Taylor - Abigail = 'good girl' Taylor™ 🖕🏼🐈

2. Taylor + Abigail = exile ends when 3 -> 2 🤞🏼

3. Taylor + Muse - Abigail + Muse = 'nice boy Ed' the Man ✌🏼✌🏼🐈

4. Taylor + Abigail + Travis + Ross = T.N.T 🤞🏼🤞🏼🧨🔥

"But no amount of freedom gets you clean.

I've still got You all over Me." 🐍🦋

"All these people think love's for show but I would die for you in secret. The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in Me."

I feel like one of the biggest lies Taylor™ has told and gotten away with isn't that the teenage love story is "fictional", but the fact that she keeps insisting that James and Betty end up together. This started with the folklore long pond studio sessions where it was implied that Taylor was James confessing his love for Betty, yet this was also said in the middle of discussing the muse from the song 'August' in a way that felt like Taylor was trying to cover up the truth of who Augusta or Augustine really was... Only for Jack Antonoff to contradict her and add fuel to the fire by saying "that's what I love about August is that it's not a dream, the situation feels very close to me." This admission implies that someone is missing from the conversation and Jack's comment also seems to be alluding to Abigail's presence beyond the view of the camera.

"Would it be enough if I could never give You peace?"

The interview Taylor did with Ellen in 2008, where both Abigail and Justin Timberlake were revealed as surprise guests (with orange roses sitting on the coffee table), feels like the original version of the love triangle described throughout the folklore album. Abigail had barely gotten a word in about how she was attending Kansas University ("Go Jayhawks!" = Taylor's KU shirt from the 'for a fortnight' reel) before Justin was brought out on stage to talk about 'boyfriends' under the pretence of Taylor's previous admission that he was her celebrity crush. Earlier in the show during his own interview with Ellen they had both enacted a skit that involved a kiss on the lips and alluding to recently having a one night stand with each other. (Ellen claimed Taylor didn't see this before her interview because they had planned to surprise her.) Together this feels like Justin is acting out the role of James seeing multiple people at once, Ellen and Taylor represent August and Betty lusting after the same man (fictionally), and lastly Abigail is Inez relegated as the friend sitting on the sidelines... for the first time.

I can't stress enough how much all roads seem to be leading back to Abigail's presence during this episode...

"Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream "who's afraid of little old Me?" You should be."

All the potential queer flagging woven throughout Taylor's MySpace days feels lighthearted and nostalgic to look back on knowing that she wrote it herself, but there's something about this particular blatantly queer example that implies that Taylor is singing 'love story' directly to Abigail that feels incredibly sinister and malicious to have been purposefully aired on an internationally broadcasted television show for all to see. 😭 I don't know if this interview and performance were set up by Taylor and Abigail as a form of protection going forward or if it was something they felt forced into as if their backs were up against a wall with a risk of being outed. Either way it feels intentional that the camera cuts to show Abigail sitting on the sidelines as Taylor is pointing out at the crowd and singing the lyrics "you'll be the prince and I'll be the princess" on the very same day that the fearless album released knowing they were both eighteen years old at the time. Is the person who orchestrated this the real muse behind the song 'thank you aiMEe' and why Ellen is the one who got the 'cruel summer' tattoo in the 'you need to calm down' music video? "No rules in breakable heaven." The other song Taylor played during this episode was 'should've said no' just before the credits started rolling. The roses in the background took on orange, red, blue and purple tones throughout both performances and no one else was shown on screen who wasn't performing on the stage with Taylor, which really "Drew" attention to Abigail being put on display. Looking back this song combination feels incredibly pertinent to the night Taylor and Haim performed a mashup of 'love story x gasoline'. 💔🔥💨

"Like I lost my twin. Fuck it if I can't have Him."

I tend to not focus on the political side of things too much because I don't live in the US and don't share the same lived experience, but there's no denying how political Taylor's life has become and how much potential she has as a queer woman in the spotlight to disrupt the status quo. I know many are still anticipating some kind of reveal or disclosure but I can see how withholding the truth has been a much more effective strategy in the long run. After all, Taylor always ended the eras tour each night with the song 'karma', which certainly conveys an incredibly pertinent parting message. However the underlying point I feel like she's been trying to make with this selection is that 'karma is a catalyst'. "Ask me why so many fade, but I'm still here?" Because of the one worth fighting for. And I feel really strongly about the likelihood of Abigail being the catalyst in Taylor's life.

"My, my, my, my. Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts."

Not only is Abigail's involvement in Taylor's life part of what motivates her to keep going, it's also what motivates their opposition to continually reveal their hand in an attempt to prevent them from revealing the truth to the public. During the 'look what you made me do' music video Taylor subtly flashes the portion of her junior jewels shirt towards the camera to reveal that Abigail's name is included amongst many of her other friends. An inconsequential action to many who see her name as a flower nestled amongst a garden full of flowers, an alarming sight for anyone who sees her name as a dandelion weed that holds the potential to ruin the whole garden. In the Truman show this is the same 'baiting the opposition to push the boundaries' strategy Truman used each time he talked about wanting to leave the island and it was incredibly effective in achieving two things: the first is that the director took the bait each time and eagerly countered with an attempt to encourage Truman to conform. We see this happen when Truman is sitting on the beach reflecting on his past and it starts raining all of a sudden, but only enough so that it was raining directly over where Truman was sitting. The second benefit is that he slowly drew the audience's attention towards the director's presence and influence, which is ultimately what revealed the director's role in shaping Truman's life into what ended up being his motivation to leave. This was done when Truman hesitated going home, forcing the rain to increase and move unnaturally until it became a total downpour. And then this cycle repeated over and over again until it culminated in Truman's successful escape, only for him to reveal at the last moment that he had been beating the director at his own game all along. ♟ "Karma takes all my friends to the summit" isn't just about Taylor's role in mentoring the next generation, but it's also a message akin to the tortoise and the hare fable about how slow and steady wins the race. "Your nemeses will defeat themselves before you get the chance to swing."

"The whole school is rolling fake dice. You play stupid games you win stupid prizes. It's you and me, there's nothing like this. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince. We're so sad we paint the town blue."

Everything that's unfolded over the last several years has been Taylor retelling the story of what she's been through and how she did it with a 'broken heart' so that we can understand, and have empathy for, what lies underneath the surface. Many of us have recognised the queer side of Taylor's story and how she's turned her struggles into fuel to create change by working together with the New Romantics, but I can't help but wonder if what's ultimately going to break the blender is Taylor revealing that "I can do it with a broken heart" was her biggest lie of all. "You told me that you loved me, so then why did you go away? Away." Taylor and Abigail have only ever been known as 'best friends' because they've been playing the long game the entire time, which is exactly what Taylor describes in 'mastermind'. So many of Taylor's lyrics talk about her finding the kind of love that lasts forever and it feels incredibly genuine, yet the way she conceals the possibility of "you and me forevermore" by talking in the past tense implies that it didn't really last after all. But what if it did? Taylor described 'Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince' as a political song during her interview with Zane Lowe, which is exactly what we got with the Miss Americana documentary... but what about the Heartbreak Prince? If Miss Americana was about the 'good girl' version of Taylor™ then perhaps the Heartbreak Prince is the 'nice boy Ed' version of Taylor™ that is now acting out each piece of the love story with each of her male and female muses. Taylor has slowly been giving us pieces of the story one at a time, and in real time mind you, and will continue to do so until we have enough puzzle pieces that we're able to put them all together in order to see the bigger picture. "The magician's greatest illusion is the one you choose not to see." -Ginger (Spice) anon

"'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs). So many signs, so many signs. You didn't even see the signs."

So many people within the TSCU have played a part in acting out a piece of Taylor's story, but because there was no direct references or connection to Abigail it was natural to assume that they were involved in creating a new chapter of Taylor's story instead of retelling it. For instance... Hayley Williams is the key to seeing that it goes all the way back to the very beginning. Ed Sheeran is the key to understanding how Taylor had to find cleaver ways to share her truth with the world. Karlie Kloss is the key to understanding the queer love story. Joe Alwyn is the key to understanding the private and long term love story. William Bowery is the key to understanding the hidden ghostwriting story. Matty Healy is the key to understanding the public backlash story. Selena Gomez and Blake Lively are the key to understanding the best friend story. The Haim sisters are the key to understanding that there's solidarity in numbers. Gracie Abrams and Audrey Hobert are the key to understanding how two best friends can create beautiful work together. Sabrina Carpenter and Chappell Roan are the key to understanding that 'it ends with us' and that the future generations of artists deserve better going forward. I could go on but all of these pieces tell individual parts of a story that has been hidden in the shadows since the very beginning, and when combined together like a patchwork quilt they reveal a queer love story that is inherently political. The eras tour was the framework to understanding many of the individual pieces of the story and now Travis Kelce is likely the final key to burning it all down... together.

"And you just see right through Me, but if you only knew Me we could be a beautiful miracle. Unbelievable instead of just invisible."

Taylor may not have been as 'heartbroken' as she has lead us to believe in the romantic sense, but she's certainly had her heart broken repeatedly by the music industry throughout her pursuit to create lasting change for future generations. Taylor's performance in the 'delicate' music video and on the eras tour stage reveals that there's a level of freedom that comes with hiding your truth in plain sight, yet "the best people in life are free" and in Taylor's case that freedom includes being able to live and create music authentically. "Does it feel alright to not know Me?" One thing that stood out while writing all of this was how much Taylor's use of the word 'Me' felt deliberately pointed, not in a "me, he, he" kind of way but more so that it lacked self ownership and implied that she wasn't talking about herself. I guess that stems from the initial "you'll be the prince and I'll be the princess" performance that reinforced that Taylor is the only 'princess' in the story with no room for another. Looking back on the eras tour clock countdown being unveiled as "you don't own Me" begins playing, the 'applause' song choice feels incredibly precise knowing that 'Me!' was the first song Taylor had released when she left her old record label behind. But then ending the countdown with "so just let Me be myself, that's all I ask of you" is utterly heartbreaking.

"If long suffering propriety is what they want from me, they don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly. I choose You and Me, religiously."

So much of the ghost imagery throughout Taylor's discography feels reminiscent of 'him' lingering outside in the snow in the 'all too well' short film, his exiled presence alluding to a decision made to remain out of the picture until the time is right to reunite with 'her, later on'. "I'll wait for you" is another recurring sentiment throughout Taylor's discography that ties back to the hidden message in the 'Mary's song (oh my, my, my)' lyrics: “Sometimes, love is forever”. This alludes to the kind of love that is strong enough to withstand and overcome anything, much like how the "one single thread of gold tied Me to You". It feels like there are so many 'invisible string' connections between Taylor and Abigail woven throughout Taylor's story throughout the years, but if it really go all the way back to the very beginning could the origin of their relationship together really be as simple as the song 'invisible'? After all, Taylor's favourite part of her songs has always been the bridge...

"Like shadows in a faded light Oh, we're invisible."

"And will you still love Me when I'm Nothing New?"

I still have so much more to share, but for now I'll leave you with one last "my, my, my" reference that underpins the origin and significance of 'Mary's song (oh my, my, my)'. The opening scene of the Miss Americana documentary begins with Taylor sitting with Benjamin Button as she's looking back through her collection of old diaries. "This is the first one that I started when I was 13". It's implied that this is a reference to when Taylor was 13 years old, but perhaps it's a veiled reference to "I'm so depressed I act like it's my birthday every day" and the moment the twin flames became XIII (🤞🏼 -> ✌🏼). This reflects the sentiment of "Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow?" that seems to underpin the contrarian yet unbecoming title of 'Mary's song (oh my, my, my)'. Taylor then went on to describe what was written on the cover of the diary: "and it says: 'My Life. My Career. My Dream. My Reality'." These all represent so many integral facets of Taylor's life and career, but none of them are really hers at all if she doesn't have... MySpace.

"Yes! My ___ Space!"

🐈🐈‍⬛🐈 <--> 🐢🪞🐇

"But I've got a blank space baby,

and I'll write Your name."

"Love's a game, wanna play?"

Throughout Taylor's discography a blank space has always been "just another picture to burn", a blank space to fill in the mirror, a blank space to fill with her latest muse, a blank space to fill seemingly indefinitely... but at the end of the day a blank space is just an empty void. Taylor has shown us time and again how much she loves word play, especially when it comes to the board game scrabble. "Hey kids, spelling is fun!" I wonder if that's got anything to do with the date of national scrabble day? Which was the same day as the "I'm so sorry Gayle, and I love you!" show in Florida, and the next one happens to land on 4/13/26 👀🌘 eek! There are only two blank space pieces in a scrabble game that act as a wild card but the catch is that they hold zero value on the scoreboard ('so high school' lyric video blown lights x2 versus pink TK & TS). Instead their value lies within having the opportunity to make a choice about which letter they represent before they're used. Once the blank tile has been placed on the board the letter that was chosen remains the same until the game is over.

This works in much the same way as an unreliable narrator beginning the story with a lie that is perceived to be a truth, and then everything built on top of that initial deception will remain inherently false until the story is over and the truth is finally revealed. This strategy is so effective because it means the game is essentially over before anyone else has realised that the game has even begun. Looking back it seems like Taylor has done the same thing by using up her blank spaces with Abigail's name (A+T+ME=TEAM) and a combination of released and unreleased music that both tell the truth and create a foundation built on a lie: Gail's song' & 'fifteen'. XO 'Mary Jo' & 'Mary's song (oh my, my, my)'. So much of Taylor's story reflects Truman life in the spotlight, but I can't help but wonder if the reason Taylor has referenced this movie so much is because Sylvia, who's stage name was Lauren, truly represents Abigail's perspective in Taylor's story. Because of this I wouldn't be surprised if her middle name turned out to be Mary and not Lauren. ❤️‍🩹

If you've read this far, thank you. Before I go I just want to reiterate that none of this is intended to discredit Taylor's journey on her own or Abigail's role in her life either. This is the story I've been seeing playing out within the TSCU in a largely intangible manner and there are still many elements that have yet to fall into place. It feels like this 'heartbreak prince' story Taylor has been telling is reaching a culmination with some form of a TNT style 'end game', and only time will tell when and how that will occur. However the one thing I am sure about is that when "somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them."

"You are in love,

true love.”

After all,

"A rose by any other name is a scandal..."

Just like a Rose-Mary. 🌹

Karma is a tAbby cat,

Kylie x

P.S. I cried while writing this.

"It was like an age-old classic

the first time that you saw me.

The story started when you said,

"hello" in a crowded room a few short years ago.

And sometimes there's no proof, you just know.

You're always gonna be mine, we're gonna be.

I'm gonna love you when our hair is turnin' gray,

we'll have a cardboard box of photos

of the life we've made and you'll say,

"Oh My, we really were timeless".

We're gonna be timeless,

timeless." 💘

[mattnben-bennmatt]

Ben Affleck and Matt Damon: Faces of the Oscars

They successfully turned a high-tech thriller into a tearjerker, and struck a box office heart of gold — but the real payoff may come on Oscar night

By Rebecca Ascher-Walsh for Entertainment Weekly (13 February 1998)

[NOTE: The full transcript of the article, as retrieved from the Entertainment Weekly website, is under the cut. It does seem surprisingly short to me, so I don't know if it is in its complete form as presented in the original issue. If anyone has any information on this, it would be most welcome!]

Good Will Hunting

Math prodigy Will Hunting, on a job interview with NASA, is given a test code to crack. He quickly spots an evil scheme: NASA and the FBI have set him up with a real code, which, once solved, could cause mass destruction. Hunting recruits his best friends and understanding shrink to hatch a plan, beat the government, and save the day.

This is not, most certainly, the subtle, warm-the-cockles-of-your-heart Good Will Hunting that has propelled cowriters, actors, and childhood best friends Matt Damon and Ben Affleck onto Hollywood’s most-wanted list, into the hearts of American audiences, and toward the Oscar podium. And the tortuous path Affleck and Damon were forced to navigate in order to transform the movie from a high-tech conspiracy thriller to an intimate character study is one of the most dramatic stories of the Oscar season.

After five years of knocking, Damon, 27, and Affleck, 25, have been admitted to the Movie Hall of Fame so suddenly that it’s a little disconcerting. A few weeks ago, an 80-year-old woman walked past the Manhattan set of Miramax’s Rounders, in which Damon plays a card shark, and — upon learning who the star was — exclaimed in wonder, “Matt Damon, the sex symbol?!” And when Affleck — in L.A. to film the summer blockbuster-in-waiting Armageddon with Bruce Willis — went to the Disney cafeteria and signed for his lunch because he’d forgotten his wallet, he learned the next day on a television gossip show that he had, in fact, pitched a fit and demanded a free meal. “It worried me,” Affleck says. “I haven’t trashed a hotel room yet, but yesterday I leaned back in my chair at the Four Seasons and it kind of snapped. What will they think?”

What they’ll think is that Good Will Hunting‘s odyssey is a classic Hollywood-in-the-’90s Cinderella story, the kind that ends with the prospect of Academy Awards and surprisingly good box office. Which isn’t far from the truth, if the evil stepmother becomes a studio, and Prince Charming is redrawn to look like (gulp) Harvey Weinstein.

Affleck — who refers to his partner and himself as “the Milli Vanilli of screenwriters” — and Damon began to work on Good Will Hunting in 1993, basing the story on a one-act play Damon had written at Harvard (he left before completing his studies). They drew from their own life growing up in Boston, where they were introduced by their mothers, both teachers, 17 years ago. “We’re pretty inseparable, in terms of our experiences,” Damon says. “We look at things in exactly the same way.” While they wrote, Damon says, “it wasn’t like someone was good at structure and someone at dialogue. The only difference between us is Ben can type.”

Neither, however, can edit. “We must have written 1,500 pages,” Damon says. “We had Will Goes to the Zoo episodes.” Within months, they settled on a script combining a friendship adventure with a “banana in the tailpipe” plot, as Affleck described the then-thrill-a-minute NASA caper. The characters of Will (Damon), a down-and-out boy genius, and his best friend Chuckie (Affleck), a construction worker, were already in place. But instead of the mentor/professor eventually played by Stellan Skarsgard, imagine a nefarious FBI agent attempting to corrupt Will, and instead of boy-meets-therapist bonding, picture a climax with world peace at stake.

That may have been a tall order for what Damon and Affleck envisioned as an independently financed $2 million project — and in November 1994, when Castle Rock won a bidding war for the script, director Rob Reiner, a partner in the studio, told them to drop the adventure angle and focus on the relationships. “It was a scary moment,” says coproducer Chris Moore. “We started [all over again] with 63 pages and made it a character story.”

[youchangedmedestiel]

New to the SPN fandom

Well, not so new because I started watching SPN on December 15th 2022 and finished the whole show on February 20th 2023. And I started to ship Destiel on December 31st 2022 (What a way to enter a new year, I didn't know how much back then) between episodes 4x10 and 4x22, so something must have happened between these two episodes for me to ship them or maybe it was just the crazy eye thing they do. Who knows? I don't remember. Anyway, I didn't knoooow ANYTHING at the time (What a time). I didn't know how crazy it would be to ship them, how much it would impact my life.

I mean I watched the whole show in 2 months because of them. I even occasionally watch a random episode... or ten.

I watched a crazy amount of edit videos on Youtube, another crazy amount of conventions videos.

I discovered Cockles along the way, because Destiel was too painful, I needed relieve which led to me smiling stupid at my screen a lot while watching Jensen and Misha on a stage.

I red fanfiction for the first time in my life, and still have a lot to read.

For the first time too, I even wrote fanfiction (I have not decided if I will post what I wrote one day yet, for now I'm just sending it to a friend who made me watch the show, because it's her fault). I mean WTF. I always hated writing in English at school (I'm french and I doesn't even write in French, I have never write in my life except when I had to). What the actual fuck!

I discovered Jensen sang and that was a damn good discovery. That voice, I will never be over it (such as Destiel I guess).

I have a playlist for Radio company songs, I have another with songs from the show and I have a Led Zepp one (which I'm actually listening while I wrote this). This insane... thing/show/ship/whatever has even influenced my musical taste. HOW?

I used to draw a long time ago (mostly animals) but WHO KNOWS maybe one day I will draw Destiel since it has changed a LOT of things in my life.

I decided to stop fight it anyway and just embraced it, so here I am.