#shiv was right to call him out on wanting power and success and all that shit

[gregoftom]

GODDDDDDDDD THE TOMSH*V FIGHT SCENE THEY FUCKING AAAAAAATE!!!!! ate that shit UP! 

[rusalkalover]

Succession Characters as Yanderes

A/N: Hey, I'm just having fun here. If this isn't your kind of content, block me! General TW for very unhealthy relationships and uneven power dynamics (obviously) as well as mentions of drugs/non-consensual drugging/drug addiction, kidnapping, and baby-trapping.

Kendall's characterization as a yandere changes with his mood. When he is in one of his manic highs, he's entirely delusional. He's convinced that you're meant to be together. Any resistance from you just means he needs to try harder to win you over. He'll be way too excessive in said attempts—overly expensive gifts and dinners at restaurants that no one can get a table in. One day you'll reminisce about this together, he's sure, laughing about those days when you were playing hard to get.

He will probably try to get you to quit your current job to join Waystar (or whatever else he is working on, depending on where he is in the timeline). If you're in school, he will want to pay for it, but he'll expect you to change your degree to something that suits that sort of business career path. He wants you next to him at all times, both so he knows that you're safe and for his own selfish enjoyment of your presence. (Something something cage door.) He will want you to move in with him as well, and if you don't want to... well, I wouldn't put it past him to use his money and political pull as a billionaire to kidnap you.

When he is low, he is more rational. He'll feel guilty about the way he has hijacked your life, tied you down with a POS such as himself. Of course, as he is Kendall, he'll make this your problem—sort of moping around near you in hopes that you've gone stockholm-syndrome enough to comfort him. I mean, he's just trying to make your life better, right?

Shiv think she's a discreet, expert chess-master. She's really not, and it probably makes it all the more disturbing to be on the receiving end of her affections. I think she probably was simply physically attracted to you at first before quickly spiraling into all-out obsession. She'll play it cool, almost cold in-person, but she's sending you texts at all hours of the day. Your coworkers are suddenly avoiding you, looking frightened. Shiv is half-fawning and half-furious, she can't decide whether she wants to have you happy and all for herself or ruin your life for making her feel this way. She's stronger than this, after all, isn't she?

I think how this will turn out will depend on your reaction. If you fall for her too, she can find an equilibrium. She needs to have someone wholly on her side, and if she feels that's you, she can handle it. She probably won't treat you right, you'll be the spoiled dog on her bed, but hey, that's better than the floor, right? (Now Shiv gets her own Greg, #feminism). But if you keep rejecting her, she will flip her lid. She'll probably settle for screwing your life over then showing up once a month to flaunt what you're missing (while secretly hoping that'll you will finally say you love her this time).

Roman is pathetic. Of course he's pathetic, what did you expect? Similar to Shiv, he'll be horrible in-person—with verbal sexual harassment turned up to eleven. Backhanded compliments will be sandwiched in-between vulgar comments. If anyone even looks at you twice, you won't know it, but suddenly about a million or two has been put aside by Rome to ruin their life. Roman isn't really able to convey his feelings, uh, normally, so all of this will build up until the dam inevitably breaks. He will probably ask you in-between phone calls or over lunch if you want to be his partner in a wayyyyy too practiced casual tone. If you say yes, you will probably get a hysterical giggle and a much more tolerable Roman in the future. If you say no, expect a "god, I can't believe you fell for that" and quite a few insults thrown your way over the rest of the day. He will ask again next week. And the week after that. And the week after that. You can take a joke, can't you?

Connor... well, you've seen the show and his relationship with Willa, right? He is going to throw money at you until you love him. He doesn't need you to love him, even, he just needs you to be by his side. And unfortunately, that is something money can buy. Like Kendall, he will gladly put you through school, if you want, any program or degree. Are your grades dropping? After a few key donations they won't be! He wants you to pursue your passions, to be happy. He'll do his best to get you started in any field. Don't want to work? He can support you! But you're going to live at his ranch, and you're going to hold him when he's sad.

Tom is pretty normal at first, almost an ideal romantic interest. He's very traditional and sweet. Stupid pet names, flowers and chocolates on all the holidays (and when you just happen to be sad!). Then, probably as stress of his work-life at Waystar begins to really take hold, his mask of normalcy begins to break apart. Once more, we have all seen the show—he wants to have a baby, whether you can have one or not. Adoption, surrogacy, there's plenty of alternatives if need be. If you can get pregnant, though, that's the option he's pushing. He cannot lose you, you have to be connected somehow no matter what happens. Oh, and if you're not married already, that's happening too, no time to waste. Suddenly, those comforting midwestern hugs of his seem a lot tighter.

Stewy is a lot of fun until he is no longer fun. While most of the Roy family have the trouble of trying to jump too quickly from Stranger -> Lover, Stewy has no problem being your friend. Honestly, more than any of the yanderes on the list, he doesn't really care about the distinction between platonic/romantic/sexual, between friend/partner/married partner. As long as he's in your life rolling his eyes at stupid people and eating good food, he's happy. Sex and/or a relationship with you is bonus.

But I digress. He'll definitely want to get you in on the pleasures of life, little hedonist that he is. All the best restaurants, all the best events. He just likes seeing you happy. Now, all this fun includes the party scene as well, he's getting you into clubs that no one has heard of. Unfortunately, I think that will lead into what will be the biggest problem with a yandere Stewy—since he won't be a kidnapping control freak like some of the others on here, he needs something to keep you dependent on him, and I think he'll turn to drugs. There will be definitely be pressure from this man to try a whole host of designer drugs, after all, everyone's doing it, even him. Yeah, don't trust him with your drink, he'll slip something in then put it in his own drink as well, calling it a fun party night for you both.

[loveoaths]

it fucking kills me that i have seen NO ONE talking about the reaction jess jordan, kendall roy’s assistant, has. because it is jess, and rava and sophie roy, who have the reactions that twitter and reddit and all the succession lovers are looking for in shiv, for some goddamn reason. it’s jess who not so subtly pleads with greg to delay calling the election, who is blown off dismissively and ignorantly by greg who cannot understand or even SEE how strong of a panic reaction she is havjng. to him, and every other roy and tom and everyone else at their level, this is just another crazy day with literally zero consequences. a fascist dictator president will literally not change the quality of their lives as rich white people. but it will change jess’ life, as a biracial woman. it will change rava and sophie roy’s lives, in spite of kendall’s money and protection. and the show purposefully cuts off their reactions — jess blinking fast and breathing hard and about to have a panic attack meltdown in the hallway, rava and sophie scared in the back of an SUV — because the show isn’t about them. the show is about the roys, who do not care about the consequences of their actions, partially because they never have to SEE the consequences of their actions. greg does not see jess freaking out; even when she is clearly panicked in front of her he cannot see her pain and if he could, he wouldn’t care. it’s only when he turns his back on her that she starts to break down, which is a great if painful blocking choice. not only is it realistic — she can’t lose face in her workplace, she can’t react negatively when she works for the guy who owns the Devil Right Wing Fascist TV Network, and she most certainly can’t react any way people don’t like because she is one of the few, if not the only, black women in the building and working for the roys. while greg sighs and laughs about this day being crazy, she is having a meltdown as she fears what this election result means to her. if rava, a wealthy woman of color with a powerful ex husband, is scared, how much more scared is jess? is everyone else under jess?

but the show cuts off her reaction and takes us back to shiv because this show is from the roy’s pov, and this episode is largely from shiv’s pov. shiv “cares about democracy” and the country to an extent, because democracy only effects her to an extent. she knows on paper this election is bad news. she also knows it’s not going to change her life directly because she’s rich. like her brothers, who do not care at all who is President, who only care about which candidate will give them what they want, shiv is more upset because this election means she isn’t getting what she wants. she’s going to lose her power in the potential matsson deal. because that is how the roys chose who would be president: they chose the candidate they could buy and who could sell them control over their interests for the lowest number, and meincken outbid jimenez by a landslide. tldr the reaction people are looking for in shiv and in the roys were there, but in jess and rava. and even rava and jess aren’t progressives, aren’t “feminist icons”, they’re also complicit and victimized all at once, like shiv is, but with far less say and power. it’s almost like… the show about face eating leopards… is making a point that if you get in a cage with a hungry leopard, at some point you will run out of steaks to throw at it and it, too, will eat your face off. huh.

[allshadesblue]

This is a Succession essay. I genuinely think that most characters in television and films tend to be autistic/autistic coded, and I think this is by complete and total accident

Trying to make a character weird, or giving them issues picking up social cues, or what have you, say, extremely strong interests, it often speaks to autistic people and our experiences in a variety of ways

Kendall Roy is a big one for me, he stims in his car (episode one, rapping and hitting the chair in front of him in the car before his big day?), he's so genuine and cannot tell when everyone around him is making fun of him (L to the OG, singing a rap song he made up about his dad?), he gets emotionally and physically overwhelmed (too much birthday?), he has issues expressing his emotions and picking up social cues (his phone call with the bank, telling Polk to fuck off, where he tries to emulate his father and fails?)

There's this poignant scene where Kendall is calming down in the same way his clearly autistic son does. Both of them are overwhelmed by the family dinner, so they sit outside and play with Legos together, an act Rava, his ex wife, does not engage in. It's parallel play, they're sitting together and calming themselves down side by side, not necessarily playing together. This is very common amongst autistic people.

And Kendall, like many autistic people, wants to emulate those around him socially, so he can be liked the way he thinks his father is. Kendall often incorrectly assumes that if he mimics all those around him, copies their social skills, pretends like he fits in, people will finally see him the way he sees himself. And Kendall really is a good person. At least he tries to be, having that much wealth and power is always going to make you a bad person, especially when you don't take the steps to deconstruct these power structures. But Kendall wants to be a good person. He wants to do the right thing. He tries hard to be the involved father, the perfect son, the kind boss, the fantastic husband, the good friend, the caring brother, the greatest business man, he wants to be the most loved, the most loving, the person everyone likes and who fits in. But he can't navigate it quite right. He's understanding of how to grow Waystar Royco into a business that's successful in the internet age is actually quite spot on. His desire to create what he views as an inclusive environment, a respectful one, is genuine.

But Kendall cannot fit in no matter how hard he tries. And I don't think it's just because of his wealth, though it plays a factor. His siblings, in particular Shiv and Roman, especially Shiv, are considerably better socially. They, like many neurotypicals, can become social chameleons, changing how they interact and act to fit in with whatever crowd they're in. They're out of touch due to their wealth, certainly, but there's a difference. They socialize well in the wealthy circles they grew up in, they transfer these skills to other social circles, they socialize so well they can advance their career. Noticeably, they lie well, they can pick up on when most everyone is lying to them, they can navigate all of their respective spheres well.

Kendall cannot do these things really, when he tries he always falls flat. Even in out of touch, wealthy circles, he really cannot fit in. His inability to be the person he wants everyone to see him as is two fold. His wealth and abusive childhood is one dimension of it, he doesn't have good footing for where to start, so when he genuinely tries he falls flat on his face. But he's autistic, compounding these issues. It makes it much harder for him to actually understand what to do, how to do it, and his only guides through his life were wealthy people constantly working to undermine him, to cut him down. Shiv and Roman, not so much. They know what is the "right thing" and what is socially seem as the right things to do, and they can adapt their presentation to match that. Shiv knows it's socially acceptable to be a democrat, and so she is, though she isn't one. Kendall cannot, and though he tries to do the right things, and he tries to do them because he sees them as the right things, he cannot conceptualize a life other than his own, cannot fit in, and with no other guide but his father, cannot be the person he truly wants to be.

His attempts are genuine. He tries very hard to be an excellent father. He loves his children. He is by no means good at it. But he wants to be. And he makes greater strides than his father ever did, and in many ways for him this is a great effort. He is pained by how no one seems to like him, no matter what he does. There's this scene in the first season, where he looks at the falling stock price and tells his brother, "this is how much no one likes me." In season three, he tries to get people to like him by being self aware about how much they hate him, tries to let himself be made a mockery, because then maybe they'll want him. But he doesn't understand why they do. And it becomes a form of self harm, like maybe if he lets them hate him to his face, he'll understand why they do emotionally. Sometimes he understands objectively, but really he doesn't. And he self medicates to make it easier.

Kendall noticeably does drugs the most when he is struggling to fit in socially. Before therapy with his family, because he wants to fit in with the group of people he's with, wants to fit in back home. Also a very common autistic experience. It seemingly makes him likeable, makes him comfortable, lowers his inhibitions so that maybe he'll fit in, and maybe he'll get over his fears.

Kendall's struggles as an autistic person become Shakespearean in height due to the wealth and station of his life. It makes you wonder if one moment of his life were to have been changed. Say he doesn't get into the accident with the waiter, he'll escape the grasp of his father, and probably he'll have the means he always wanted to create the meaningful change he longs for. He stays committed to outing his father's negligence on the cruises. Something different, something new. Hell, even just a diagnosis, and I'd bet Kendall's life looks utterly different. It allows him, at the very least, a modicum of comfort and understanding of his life. Best case scenario, Kendall has the tools to navigate the world, and as such, can become the very good person he feels he ought to be.

Kendall Roy has autism. And autism is not tragic, but him having it in a world so hostile to him, without the knowledge of his autism, is.

[kistless]

this is making me insane because these cut lines from the script are basically the essence of what sex is in succession - logan's view of the power dynamics of sex and how he has passed this on to his children is such a major theme and conflict in the show: you see it in shiv cheating on tom with nate because she likes to "play" with him (break him) and she cant get that in her sex life with tom, you see it with roman's inability to have sex unless he's being degraded, hell, the very first episode of the series is an elaborate breakdown of how Logan's masculinity and sexuality and even gender identity is intrinsically tied with business. Being good at business = being masculine enough to intimidate or bully your business "opponent" into submission = fucking them and therefore being bad at business (ken fumbling the vaulter deal) = getting fucked (Kendall isn't enough of a man to be my successor)

and Lawrence being gay adds insult to injury for Logan because not only is Kendall being outperformed in business (=getting fucked) he is getting fucked by a gay man (which is the ultimate sin for Logan because being gay = getting fucked = being a woman). In the scene where Logan walks in on Kendall saying that he would give Lawrence a blowjob for the deal Kendall reacts like a child caught saying something forbidden (because he was, and it is)

Kendall blatantly says this when Logan announces that he's staying on as ceo by saying "you fucked me" (=you've denied me from being ceo = I'm not a man in your eyes) and Logan replies with "I'm concerned you're too soft" and "I hear you bent [for lawrence]". Logan can't imagine a world in which business is separate from sex, and how a businessman can actually be good at business by playing nice and sucking up to someone (which would be feminine behavior to logan, and is therefore too "womanly" for business)

But the thing is, that is exactly how Stewy does business. Stewy is feminine in a lot of ways, is polite or at least respectful to his business rivals (his insistence on calling logan "sir"), and is physically affectionate with men that he's in business with (eg hugging josh to greet him on the tarmac) and he is still, from what we can see, very successful. He has no need for dick measuring business techniques like intimidation - eg the scene where kendall is threatening to cut off his dick and stewy just repeats it back to him because kendall could try and intimidate him all he wants, the way Stewy does business is so much more effective because Stewy focuses on the money and maintaining good business relationships and at the end of the day, that is all shareholders care about

so to me the cut lines both read as kendall saying "I'm acknowledging that I've put myself in a very vulnerable business position and you could damage my career very easily right now" but of course he is literally saying, "you can't fuck me, because that would mean you are taking away my manhood". Stewy's reply of "that's why we're such good friends" feels like a double entendre of its own - like stewy is referring to them being able to trust each other because of their mutually assured destruction if one betrays the other, but also an acknowledgement that they are only "such good friends" (and not anything more) because kendall is unable to see having sex with a man as anything other than having his masculinity forcibly taken away from him. If kendall betrays stewy in their business deal, he will be forced to retaliate against kendall to save his career, and stewy knows that kendall understands this in terms of fucking and being fucked. He cant resist making a joke out of how kendall relates sex and business, so he deliberately adds a reference to their friendship (arguably the most intimate relationship that kendall has in his life) which feels like stewy saying, "you think you're just talking about business when you talk about sex, but you're also talking about sex."

[transmutationisms]

HI really love your thoughts on stuff. do you think succession - as a tv show with a script - makes all of its negative statements negatively or positively? this is something im having trouble with, specially with shiv and the overwhelming misogyny. i understand its quite literally real life. but they know the importance of media as a statement that defines real life - its sort of meta, but the whole thing with whether or not calling mencken, knowing it would affect politics, is something that can reflect on the show itself. i dont think i fully agree with what they do to shiv in the way they portray the misogyny. it feels like a "and thats how it will always be" more than "thats how its been". idk. maybe I just hate misogyny and cant stand to see that. but everything is a statement. what do u think?

well in general i agree that, yeah, the show is more interested in satire and criticism than offering any kind of imaginative solution or alternative. so, if you want to watch something that suggests alternatives to logan-style misogyny (& i'd understand why) then i think you're going to be dissatisfied with this show. like, obviously even with logan gone, his influence still haunts the company and the family, and anyway the broader structures of capitalism and its use / exploitation of women were always much larger than logan alone. all of this also applies to how roman and kendall (& to a lesser extent connor) are punished for failing to live up to standards of masculinity; logan feminised kendall to punish him for business failures and derided roman for what he saw as a more innate femininity that made roman disgusting to him.

i actually think gender is a strong suit for the show. it's very deeply interested in how they each relate to standards of bourgeois masculinity and femininity, and how these strictures are confining and punishing (often literally, as logan used them as tools of his abuse). for shiv she lived up to some of logan's femands for an heir (her emotional repression, flashes of killer instinct) but was ultimately always doomed by the fact that logan saw her as permanently being his little girl, denied a body (bc this was less disgusting to him than thinking of her as a woman) and never the right fit for his corporate mould, even when she was trying her hardest to fit it. roman and kendall ofc pick up on this and the way her gender can be used in itself to lock her out of the upper echelons of power (a walking pair of teats, all the men got together in man club). but ultimately this is a dissection of misogyny and masculinity, not a suggestion for escape.

i have mixed feelings about the sort of ethical argument here. it is fair to say that succession has a fundamentally conservative ethos in the sense that the satire and snark angle is uninterested in offering solutions or imagining alternatives. it's grounded in exploring capitalism, fascism, the resulting gender politics, &c, and to the extent that it challenges these things, it's by portraying them as worthy of mockery. it's not a leftist political treatise. but like, i think there's a can of worms to open here in terms of asking how revolutionary a television show is capable of being simple by virtue of the medium. like, even if the content is radical internally, does is matter that the form is still one embedded in capitalist production, ie, that the show is a commodity on the same market? i identify the root of misogyny within the capitalist mode of production; how far is something made within these parameters capable of going in offering any kind of alternative? and also, do we care? like, am i watching tv because i'm looking for radical politics? again, this doesn't negate the critique of succession's critique. but i do think it's a bit... trite? to ask tv to be some kind of moral guide---particularly on a show where the premise is such that any 'challenge' to misogyny would still be constrained within the bourgeois world the characters inhabit.

[stewykablooey]

i'd like to hear your thoughts on shiv's homophobia if you have any? 👀 ngl i did a double take when you called her homophobic—clearly she can conveniently use homophobia to emasculate her interlocutor, but i don't think she has any deep-seated beliefs of the sort, unlike kendall and his misogyny and the fact that he doesn't want to involve her in the business partly because of that

which brings us to

she'd probably replicate the sympathy/solidarity thing with stewy too, in this case because she's a woman and he's a brown man, paired with the fact that the two of them, unlike kendall, 1) can't simply conceal who they are, 2) are not allowed to assert masculinity in an aggressive way. quite obviously shiv's relationship to stewy is largely mediated by their respective relationships with kendall but i won't say more

hi <3

you’re right in that shiv is not homophobic in the sense of having deep-seated beliefs on the matter at all, shiv’s issue with gayness has less to do with the physicality of it but more of the gender implications which is to say that shiv’s homophobia is really just an extension of her internalized misogyny. it’s again related with the masculinity aspect, it’s not about how gay you are but how much you will deviate from your gender and most importantly how much of that is a threat to her? in terms of gay men, shiv sees it as just an extended boys club that she cant access even if it’s just through sex and attraction, the one card she can play as a woman (this was first mentioned by @/shesnake and @/akajustmerry in their succession gaytv podcast episode which i highly recommend) but also it’s how much can their masculinity trump their gayness. out of all the siblings shiv is probably the one that shares logan’s ideas of masculinity the most. she thinks ken is too soft and she thinks roman is weird and she thinks connors lame and its because they just dont align to that idea of logan-masculinity (without getting too daddy issues about it lol) which is also why she’s with tom, because he’s just masculine enough but also decidedly not masculine enough to be a real threat to overshadow her.

which all applies to shiv’s relationship to stewy because stewy is the ultimate threat because he plays at both masculinity and femininity like stewy will never be a logan-type masculine and he knows that which is why he plays to his other strengths which is charm and it’s so carefully cultivated on stewys end Because he knows he can never pass as a logan-type masculine so he Has to play up the handsome charm and confidence but also stewy Is inherently masculine in that he definitely fits in as a man even if it’s the asshole insane amounts of money SUCCESS cocaine party animal kind of man, which may not be man enough in logans book but it’s definitely man enough for the world stewy is operating in which is why he can operate in it so successfully and the success is key. stewy’s riches are self made for the most part which gives him power and status in being an earner and a moneymaker but also stewy’s not in a position of leading stewys not vying for ceo he’s not vying to be top dog which is why he doesn’t Need a logan-type masculinity But he still needs some kind of masculinity to stay afloat which goes back to his crucially self-managed image. in terms of shiv, stewy confuses her in that he isnt a logan-type masculine but a) it doesnt bother him/he doesnt want to be and b) he’s still a winner anyway. but also there’s that edge of homophobia in that she’s confused and annoyed about it because she really thinks ‘youre not a real man. why are you thriving here?’ but also with a little bit ‘you’re a little bit feminine you’re a little bit masculine how does that work/im pissed off that that won’t work for me’ but also again going back to ‘being charming is the card i get to play, but now you get to play it too but also again it works for you but not for me’

there is Also of course. racism. shiv would never feel a solidarity with stewy over him being brown and her being a woman because she’s racist. kendall being gay and her being woman has a common denominator of being white before it has a common denominator of being oppressed. the racism also feeds into shiv’s opposition to stewy’s masculinity. ‘you’re not a man’ is as much because he doesn’t fit an idea of masculinity that she understands as much as it is just her not seeing him as as much of a man because he’s not white.

[bamboobrat]

succession s4 e7 recap: tom, the one pepper menu item, gets spicy

sorry for the delayed recap this week, girlies. somehow i had a life to live and it was not very conducive to breaking down an episode where literally everyone is going through a breakup.

oh well.

we start the episode at tom and shiv's, where tom has made her breakfast after a long night of boning.

(this is an episode for the foodies, btw. did you guys notice?)

he gives shiv a scorpion as a present because she is toxic and can kill him.

hilarious joke, tommy. hilarious.

all is not well in this household. and none of the other significant relationships seem to be doing that well either:

this shot.... succession camera person, i see you.

i'm so happy we get to see rava, even if the writers are giving us crumbs at this point.

she tells ken to call her daughter. sophie is scared of the election and all the racist rhetoric which is spewed most prominantely by her father's news network.

ken pulls out his inner logan:

seems like most of the kids do this episode and it is certainly not a good thing for their personal relationships....

this goes for everyone except connor, who honestly seems to be having a great time this episode.

he's just happy his father is dead and that he is polling at 4 percent in alaska.

truly a power play by the writers to give con all the best lines in the episode. our girl is thriving!!

the tom/shiv saga continues, this time with sexting.

can't believe they are getting some of the best classically trained theater actors in the world to write this shit.

and make faces like this:

what time to be alive.

ATN is downsizing. greg is out for skulls.

shiv and tom host a tailgate party before the election which isn't really a tailgate party and all the finest people in the land are gathered, including a strange tv couple and a podcast god.

roman and ken are using the occasion to spread doubt about mattson and the gojo deal:

just two failsons/CE-bros working together for the good of the republic.

also, they've invited nate to go regulatory on mattson's ass, which tom is of course totally chill about.

it's the guest appearance nobody asked for and yet he has more screen time than gerri in this episode. the succession writers truly do not understand me.

con is offered a post as ambassador to somalia if he drops out of the race by mencken, but mogadishu isn't really his vibe.

he came to win this episode.

gerri arrives at the party and roman is like, phew, my girlfriend isn't mad at me for firing her and my guy frank probably worked it all out with her for me, right? right???

wrong.

it's giving high school drama.

let's all take a moment to imagine gerri, three martinis down, ranting about what a little shithead roman is.

the girlies stick together<3

mattson arrives at the tailgate party after shiv tells him about the regulatory route dumb and dumber over there are planning to go down.

he arrives during a moment of silence for logan, but not to worry, this swede knows how to behave and will not put his dick in the guac.

WHAT. IS. THIS. JACKET.

lukas is, of course, his normal charming self:

my face exactly when i'm caught between my potential future boss and the guy i've been boning nonstop for the past 12 hours.

the roman/con negotiations continue. it's a no on the slos, con wants to take berlin by christmas and contemplates opening up north korea like nixon did china.

it's giving napoleon, it's giving girlboss.

if you can believe it, you can achieve it, con con.

but alas, he is offered oman.

shiv asks mattson this:

if i was mattson i would eat her out right then and there.

i'm having perfectly normal feelings about it.

nate continues to.... be there.

luckily he doesn't stay for long. bye bye, nate. see you never!!!

con tries to sell willa on the whole oman thing:

the pros are: no lines at the airport and you can hit people with your car. bonus: you actually DON'T have to live under ground.

this is perhaps the first time in succession history that we see a couple have a truly genuine discussion about what their next move should be - together.

sticking up for your man's delusions really works out, i guess.

oscar is great.

he doesn't like greg. i like oscar.

ebba wants to murder everybody:

communications people with social anxiety, unite!

greg is a try-hard and joins in on the hazing of ebba.

i don't think i've ever liked him less.

anyway, turns out it helps the failbros, who come to ebba's rescue, smoke a cig with her, figure out lukas is basically not the coder from gothenburg he says he is, but instead some swedish elon musk type who took some tech to marked.

bravo.

oh, and his numbers in india are completely wack.

rome and ken are ecstatic!

lets run down a list of mattson's flaws so far: - fudged the numbers - sent weird items to his employee - potentially has a little drug problem? - calls things he doesn't like gay

totally inappropriate for a company like waystar, in other words.....

roman does the best gerri impression i've ever heard.

i know j. said she thinks the impression is stupid but i had to watch that moment three times to figure out if it was actually her saying the line or not, so..... sorry j. <3

gerri is done.

i feel unwell. someone please convince me this isn't their last ever scene together.

j. said there'd be ups and downs. WHERE ARE THE UPS?

roman is upset and takes it out on connor in his best logan impression to date:

con is like nah, i'm good on oman and willa is like everyone hates your fascist candidate, roman.

good for them.

ken and mattson fight over who has the fakest numbers.

mattson shits on new york like a true swede.

anyone doing the "drink every time someone fights" game this episode is dead by now.

speaking of, we get the best hbo balcony scene since the wire season 3 episode 11.

at the risk of mixing my hbo references, this is my red wedding.

the fight goes something like this:

shiv: you are a social climber tom: you are broken, you never got your dads approval and you shouldn't have kids because you are horrible

at least now tom can get some sleep, i guess, because the bonefest is certainly over.

ken talks to frank about taking doing a reverse viking, meaning waystar buys gojo, not the other way around.

OH MY GOD THESE KIDS. they can't even fucking pull off ONE deal before they are on to the next. c'mon.

oh and he wants the CEO position for himself. shocker.

imagine being frank in this scenario. just imagine.

tom is tired from all the sex and all the talk about him getting fired and acts exactly like me whenever i have people over:

tired girlies need representation too.

the era of wambsgans ire is here.

shiv is like oh fuck.

the episode ends with everyone pretty much being alone. there are no teams anymore. there are zero hugs except for one very disturbing one between mattson and ken, and i'm having a hard time remembering if i like any of these characters at all.

oh no, wait, i like connor.

it's all good. i still like connor.

ps: WHERE IS KARL?!

[now-that-i-saw-you]

During season 1 of Succession I really wanted Kendall to win and I was so sure he would dethrone Logan, but then the no-confidence vote happened and his father won. Then, Kendall was going to sue Logan and I thought that this is it. But with losing the battle and Logan putting out stories that his son's relapsed and Rava doubting Kendall, he did relapse. And his father was right there to catch him when he fell. He doesn't even allow him to get properly sober, he sends Kendall off for two days and then calls him up again when needed. And I'm watching all this going down and I just really, really want Kendall to step away from his father.

And then comes Shiv. Shiv who starts working with her father's enemy, partly because she's upset with him. So Logan tells her he'll name her his successor, so all's well. But after it he just strings her along. He refuses to publicly announce her as a successor, so much that he's willing to lose a deal just to not announce his daughter as a successor. And again, I really want Shiv to leave Logan but she never does.

None of them do! They all hate him but are so eager to please him and so eager for his power. I skimmed over an article that talked about how all Roy children know deep down they'll never live up to their father's legacy and that's just it. Logan always gets the upper hand and I'm wondering how much is actual cleverness and how much is merely luck. I wonder if Logan is aware of what he's doing to his children, this pushing and pulling.

But with mistreating his children he condemned them to never be as good as him and tear down the company. They're constantly squabbling each other and sabotaging the company. He'd made them enemies and their internal wars are ruining his empire.

[good-realtor-bad-realtor-dynamic]

Succession 4x2...

I'm not okay.

I was not prepared for the family reunion at the karaoke place.

Shiv calling out Logan on his gaslighting, his power to make his beliefs come true just by being the bigshot bully nobody wants to bet against and thus assuming that all his beliefs must just automatically be right.

Ken beginning to list all Logan's history of abuse and failures as a father to all his kids, including Connor.

Roman knowing that Shiv and Kendall are fucking themselves in the Stewy deal so they can fuck over their father more after all he's put them through and knowing that Logan's apology at the karaoke place is self-serving, but deep down wanting to believe in his family, even in the near imposssible chance that some small inkling might be true and could lead to some kind of resolution.

Connor calling out his siblings for being needy love sponges and feeling like he's all dried out and doesn't need love anymore, hasn't in fact for a while because that's how he learnt to survive without his family who does not love him.

Logan showing feelings for the first time and apologizing to his kids to keep the GoJo deal in play and get his big check, but also just maybe perhaps for once not being completely dishonest about because he's realizing the emptiness of the people around him and missing his fucked up meddlesome annoying bratty rude entertaining kids.

And they cannot accept it because the circumstances are such that it's beneficial for Logan to apologize. How can they ever know if it's real? He's burnt them too many times in the past. He's mixed family and business too many times and his kids' inability to trust him or move on is a consequence of how he's broken them systemically from a young age. And in that room at the karaoke bar, he does, for a moment there, see the consequences of his action.

The final scene with Roman at Logan's place, because the youngest son is so starved of love and everyone knows this, fills me with dread for what Logan will do to him and with fear for the siblings because I don't know how many more times they can stand to have their trust betrayed. Please just let them be ok.

[belle-keys]

praise for the succession finale

it's probably the most brilliant piece of television i've watched in ages. i don't watch films and tv at the rate at which i read, but wow, out of everything i've watched on tv in my life, succession s4 is probably my favorite, drama-wise.

the acting, the writing, the irony, the music, the themes: all amazing and excellent and i was close to tearing up multiple times

tom wambsgans? call that tom wambsGAINS cus man is on top. sucked dick to climb the ladder like a bro. i've always rooted for tom purely because of matthew macfadyen, and it was just so gratifying to see him win, but even more gratifying to see everyone be mad about it.

kendall showed how hurt and broken and traumatized and incompetent he was. he was aggressive, desperate, hanging on to threads. when he opened roman's stitches? tried to tussle wirh shiv? called roman a cuck and attacked him? outright lied about killing that kid? it showed that this was never gonna be about kendall's victory.

i want aleksander skarsgard to like, vulgarize me. anyways, was happy to see the swede on top too, just because he looked at tom and was like yo, i want your wife. eric from true blood and mr. darcy victors!

on reddit, it was correctly predicted that kendall would indeed go to the hudson if he lost, and let's be real, the rewards center in kendall's brain is very broken. that tragic, shakespearian ending for our "hero" was poetic and awesome.

shiv had every right to switch up on kendall. the cute siblings moments at their mom's house was lovely, but kendall started treated roman the same way logan treated him. so i'm satisfied with the ending.

shiv's ending is hilariously ironic in that she can only remain close to power because she's married to the man who has it. power, mind you, that also belongs to a second swedish man that screwed her over. shiv girlbossed too close to the sun.

[violaobanion]

Hello, Succession Anon again with my last message til I can watch more in the who-knows-when future! Ah, the family cycle of abuse pit. A trope I shall never tire of watching!

LMAO yeah, not everyone has had a chance to be terrible yet, so currently I have some characters I only feel sorry for. I imagine that will change very easily (except for the dog I saw for like 5 seconds in this ep; BEST PUPPER, 100/10, NO DRAMA FOR THEM).

Anyway, here is my liveblog! May you enjoy my ridiculous amount of rambling, and also a light scattering of screaming. And a silly amount of em-dashes to separate scenes.

———

Kendall: [lights a cig, has one puff, then stomps it out to drama walk into a building] Arresting him for littering and for being wasteful. Jail for 50 years!

(After everything else I watched in the first ep, though, this is so far down on the 'people saying/doing bad stuff' things that it'd be a footnote on Santa's naughty list.)

———

Kendall: Does anyone want to talk to their dad?

My headcanon here is that Logan sneezed and instantly went 'Hmm, sounds like I need to call one of the little shits'.

———

Logan: [says he's excited full of an emotion that expresses he'd rather watch paint dry]

I'm beginning to see why these kids have daddy issues.

———

RIP Greg in the mascot dogsuit. It must not have been pretty or smelled good in there.

Also, I completely spaced out from what Greg was saying the moment I saw a dog. PUPPY!

———

Roman: 'Hey hey, motherfuckers!' Refuses to elaborate ANYTHING except mockery. Leaves.

I don't know whether to like him or not, but I would steal his last french fry.

———

I have no idea how to comment on Logan not only knowing about his 'surprise' party but also trying to have a say in it.

Like, relatable on the part of not wanting people in my face because anxiety. But it isn't abt anxiety for Logan, it's abt control, right? Sir, a surprise party is meant to have surprises!

———

WHAT THE FUCK IS A PREEKEND?! Why can't they say Friday; Shiv, I'm with you on this.

———

Kendall casually saying he'd give a bj without knowing his dad is in the room OH GOSH THAT POOR MAN it'd be like my fam finding my smut list. I'd jump out the window instantly.

———

Tom/Connor: casually tells a kid that he's got water pumping rights and people are gonna kill each other for said water some day

SIR, WHAT THE ACTUAL F

I can't believe 'hey motherfuckers' Roman was the sane man there, but THANK FUCK HE SHUT TOM/CONNOR UP. Well, tried to.

(Edit for Clarification: Roman called Connor 'Tom' for some reason, so I got confused and just put Tom/Connor here. RIP Connor.)

———

Shiv: What's that; Date R*pe by Calvin Klein? Roman: You wish. Shiv: …'You wish'???

SHIV, WTF. 2. ROMAN, DOUBLE WTF. 3. FORGET WHAT I SAID; JAIL FOR ROMAN FOR 100 YEARS.

———

RIP Greg, gets slammed into a door the moment he meets Logan.

Currently feeling the most sorry for Greg here; if he gets pushed out of a window at any point, I'm not even gonna be surprised.

'Yeah, that's Greg, bad shit happens to him a lot. You get used to it.'

———

Logan: Where's Tom? Shiv: He's right here. Logan: Oh, well, nevermind.

Logan, you can't just murder a man like that.

———

Kendall's ex(?): I'm just hoping [her date] doesn't leave coke smeared all over the kids' iPads.

EXCUSE ME WHAT?!

Oh, that was a dig at Kendall. Uh, I'm sad for everyone now, wow.

———

Logan: In the event of my demise (hi s4), I'm adding Marcia and leaving her my seat.

WELP. THAT'S A BOMBSHELL.

Shiv: Uh, I'm gonna need my lawyers to look at this. Logan: Sure. By 4:00, ok? Logan: Also, I discussed this with Kendall, but I'm staying in power as CEO. Kendall: Wh-what? Logan: Let's eat!

I see where Roman got his 'go in, throw shit at the wall, then leave' tendencies from.

'Fuck this shit I'm out' started playing in my head as Connor left too.

———

The longer Logan is on screen, the more I start… losing emotions. He just called rehab 'the nuthouse', and is generally insulting his son.

Logan: Is that why you're paying a billion dollars for a gay little website? Kendall: It's a portfolio of online brands and digital video content.

So Logan is Succession's Elon Musk, and Kendall is his son buying Instagram.

Now Logan's egging Kendall into punching him/mocking him for nearly crying, and poor Kendall is having a breakdown in the bathroom. Good lord, I want to hug him.

———

The past few moments they've mentioned a game, drove off in SUVs, and now there are helicopters. I have no idea what is going on.

OH, IT'S A BASEBALL FIELD. Now I know what's going on. There are so many shots of Tom holding a box, and I think that's the gift he's been trying to give to Logan. I feel sorry for the dude, and I get the feeling that's gonna sum up the show: me feeling sorry for characters.

Yep, it was a gift. Logan doesn't care. Continuing to feel sorry for Tom.

———

Tom: You need any help, any advice, just don't fucking bother, ok? Just kidding! [later] I'm a terrible, terrible prick. Just kidding!

Greg: [confused and clearly has no idea wtf is going on]

Don't worry, bro, me too.

Tom: Would you kiss me?

SIR, ARE YOU TRYING TO SPEEDRUN ANY% STRANGERS TO ENEMIES TO LOVERS?!

———

Ooh, did Kendall just go straight to the media about his family? 👀👀

———

Roman: Can you hit a ball? Kid: Yeah… Roman: Great, I will give you $1mil if you hit a home run.

WELL, THAT'S NOT GONNA PUT PRESSURE ON THE KID! But dang that is a lot of money, good on you, Roman.

———

Roman: [tears up the check right in the kids face, then gives him the torn pieces]

Roman, every time I say something nice about you, you fuck it up. I'm getting a spray bottle full of water, just for you.

EVEN LOGAN WAS NICE TO THE KID! You know you fucked up when Logan was (temporarily) nicer than you.

———

Kendall: I'm gonna stuff your mouth with so much money you're gonna shit gold figurines.

So Midas kink?

Kendall: [goes into graphic detail abt gold cages and silver d*ldos]

WHEN I SAID KINK I DIDN'T MEAN I WANTED A WHOLE ASS SUMMARY ABOUT YOUR FANTASIES, KENDALL

———

…I don't even know what to say about Logan making the kid and his family sign an NDA. Like, at least maybe the kid is getting money after all, but W O W.

I should probably get multiple water spray bottles.

———

Logan: Do we have a deal? His kids: No Logan: [instantly collapses from insubordination]

WELP. EVERYTHING WENT STRAIGHT TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET, AND THIS IS ONLY S1 E1.

———

Everyone else: [chaos, drama, and depression] Frank: [resting on a chair after getting fired]

Be free, Frank. Get away from this! …OH, THE KID AND HIS FAMILY GOT TOM'S GIFT FOR LOGAN! Like, kinda happy for the kid/family 'cause they could sell that or whatever, but rip Tom. Logan loves hurting his family more than your Brand watch.

———

That's everything from my liveblog of ep 1! Sorry for only one ep liveblog, but hopefully it was an amusing read. This is gossipy hen/Succession Anon, signing off! salutes

Hi my dear anon!

Haha I love to see your liveblogging, this was a very amusing read indeed. You're observations are pretty spot on and hilarious, and it made almost nostalgic thinking about the time when I watched the shitshow (affectionately) for the first time 😌

A few comments:

Tom and/or Greg: There's a fine line between feeling sorry for and being annoyed by these two fellas. I think you're gonna cross it many times (and hopefully soon). Still love them both btw. But god. UGH!

*sigh* What would this show be without daddy issues, amarite or amarite? 😏

I would steal Roman's last french fry too 🤣

Fun fact: Roman's "you wish" at Shiv's perfume comment was unscripted, and so Shiv's reaction is actually Sarah's reaction. For a split second she falls out of character and looks at the crew. But when you don't know, it just looks like Shiv fucking baffled. I love that for her and I love Kieran's improv. It's not the last time he does that (but sadly not all his attempts make it. One of them was even too good???)

"SIR,WHAT THE ACTUAL F" is one the most accurate descriptions of Connor I've ever heard. That man is so out of touch. Send help.

Logan is the male equivalent of a Karen 🙂🔪

Frank is love, Frank is life. That man? *chef's kiss* right there

I remember last time I rewatched this (right before s4) thinking "LOGAN COULD'VE DIED IN THE FIRST EPISODE??" and then thinking what dream scenario that would have been. But oh well!

[jeffersonhairpie]

I posted 11,235 times in 2022

490 posts created (4%)

10,745 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hickeywiththegoodhair

@valoricky

@friendraichu

@tomwambsgirl

@romulussy

I tagged 11,231 of my posts in 2022

#succession - 3,159 posts

#lol - 1,793 posts

#fanart - 1,517 posts

#nct - 955 posts

#tom wambsgans - 943 posts

#disco elysium - 830 posts

#greg hirsch - 707 posts

#animals - 621 posts

#tomgreg - 587 posts

#roman roy - 458 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#tom would not have said a word to greg at the baseball game if he hadn't heard logan talking about putting greg in and asking if tom could h

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Honestly Tom’s little Nero and Sporus speech barely even counts as foreshadowing it’s so barefaced. Tom is explicitly telling Greg he’d choose him over Shiv and would hurt Shiv to do so and then guess what motherfuckers

163 notes - Posted January 24, 2022

#4

Enough with the takes that Tom and Shiv should be gay best friends. Roman and Tabitha would be so powerful if they'd never tried to fuck

174 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

#3

See the full post

337 notes - Posted January 15, 2022

#2

I know it’s been said a million times before but Tom taking the fall for Greg in Boar on the Floor really is wild. Aside from the cut stuff about the extent of Tom’s real punishment for throwing the game it’s just like...the only thing Tom gets out of that is Greg and he doesn’t even cash that chip in. He doesn’t do it to get Greg on side or leverage it to keep Greg on side and it weakens his position with every person in the room including his father in law. Fuck, it even weakens his position with Greg. 

Like I’ve seen people say that Succession is a show that works best when you believe the characters love each other, and I’ve seen it said that Succession works best when you ask yourself what love means when it’s so battered by ulterior motive, but I can’t find the ulterior motive in Tom going down in Boar on the Floor. And it just boggles my mind that this happens in one of the most high stakes scenes in the entire show. It’s not a small sacrifice, it’s a full on pig roast and Tom says yes just because Greg says please. 

I keep asking myself what Tom has in his hands at the end of all this and I’m coming up with exactly one answer. 

435 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Nope is such a fantastic story about the way things regress to their most primal forms in a catastrophe.

There is a UFO in the valley (except they don’t call them UFOs anymore). You want to know what it’s doing and why it’s taking your horses. You want to understand it. You want to see it. You want to run from it. You want to survive at any costs.

What even is that thing? It’s a ship from a civilization unrecognisable from your own. Wrong, it’s an animal. You think maybe it’s targetting you, seeing you. But it’s just hungry, and territorial. You understand this because you’ve worked with animals your whole life, but you can’t stop a horse from bucking when a flash goes off so how are you supposed to stop this thing from eating you?

If you’re going to see the UFO that isn’t a UFO you need to find proof that you saw it. You fail to capture it on your phone so you install some high end CCTV and point it at the sky. The CCTV fails because there was a bug in frame. The CCTV fails because all electricity fails when this animal arrives. You find someone with a camera that they can hand crank but he gets eaten. You have a well with a polaroid camera pointing at the sky and if you take enough pictures at the right intervals you can string them together into a film in which the hungry, hungry animal appears right at the end. It’s in your blood. The first piece of film ever made was made this way, and it captured your ancestor, on a horse.

You like to think that you’re worldly and modern and that you escaped being whatever you might have been if you had grown up in the wild. But if your father’s skull is ruptured by a dime, or if your birthday balloons get close enough to the studio lights to burst, or if you swallow a balloon and it explodes in your stomach, all the preconcived notions about what you think you are go out the window and you become nothing more and nothing less than flesh and blood.

And sometimes, if you’re smart and lucky, you might just get to survive

1,232 notes - Posted August 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[wambsgraham-archive]

The thing that really gets me about "What am I gonna do with a soul anyways" is that it's not just one of the most honest Greg lines in the series, but one of the most true and honest lines in the series, period.

Everyone in Succession is a pretty horrible person, but we see the characters follow two very different schools of dealing with this. Logan, Roman, and Tom are all well aware that they're shitty people doing underhanded things, and to one extent or another, they all own it. They might not all be happy about it, but they can at least admit morality is not what guides their actions. Meanwhile, Kendall, Shiv and Connor seem entirely set on deluding themselves into thinking they're the good guys. Ken and Shiv both couch their bids for power with talk of being the moral one and "fixing" the culture of Waystar, and Connor talks about fighting the elite from his penthouse. To one extent or another, all of them are hiding from the truth of what they are.

And Greg—Greg has been leaning toward the self-deluding side for a while. He wanted to leave ATN in s2 because he was uncomfortable with the company's immorality, but also because he wanted to move up the ladder from being an assistant, and when push came to shove, the latter was more important. He went on about wanting to avoid ATN because of his "principles," but look at how quickly he took the offer of a big promotion instead of a transfer. Look at how easy it was for Logan to sway him into abandoning Kendall and the pursuit of "justice" in s3. His discomfort with evil is outweighed by his desire for money and influence quite easily, but until All the Bells Say, he never once came close to admitting that. His only response to Ewan listing the evils of Waystar in Dundee was to point out that they also make movies he likes, and he couldn't even blackmail Tom in s2 without insisting what he was doing wasn't blackmail.

Now, though, everything is laid bare. Tom offered Greg a deal with no context other than the suggestion that it was underhanded and the promise that it would bring Greg money and power. And Greg took it! Not only that, but he took it without a single attempt to justify his doing so. There was no bumbling and over-explaining, no "if you insist" to shake the blame. He looked Tom right in the eyes and said, "what am I gonna do with a soul anyways?" He said, in so many words, "I know accepting your offer is bad, but what’s the worth of being good?”

Greg is a duplicitous, self centered, power hungry worm of a man. He’ll do anything or betray anyone for his personal gain, no matter how wrong it is or how uncomfortable it makes him, and when he makes his deal with the devil, he admits that truth out loud. He’s not pretending to be better than he is, because Tom encourages that honesty.

We see Greg getting much more comfortable with Tom at the end of s3 than he's ever been before. The fearful awkwardness is fading, and he seems to be genuinely relaxing and enjoying his company. He tells him all the manipulative little details of his plot with the Contessa. He calls him Tommy. They're chill. And if there's one thing that Greg knows about Tom, it's that Tom is quite open about tossing his morals for power, and he encourages Greg to do the same. Tom is the man that laughed in his face for putting "principles" above a chance to get close to Logan at ATN. Tom is the guy that called him "slimeball" like it was adoring praise.

Besides Tom, the people Greg is currently closest to are Kendall, Comfrey, and maybe the Contessa. Kendall spent most of s3 convincing himself he was a righteous crusader for women, and Comfrey and the Contessa seem to be normalish people that presumably possess moral compasses. None of them are exactly in a place to be cheering for Greg to embrace his evil side, and he has to know that. There’s no way in hell Greg’s gonna look his girlfriend in the eye and ask her what the use of having a soul is. He is quite right to worry that his "real me" won't be accepted, because his true self is a little bit awful

Greg can only admit the truth of his morals with someone else that embraces immorality, but when he gets that rare opportunity, he really takes it. Alone with Tom, the person he’s closest to and most comfortable with, Greg is honest about his own nature in a way that almost nobody else on the show has ever been. Kendall and Shiv's grasp on their own "souls" is tenuous at best, but you'd never in a million years catch them owning that like Greg just did.

If he continues down the path of "souls are boring," Greg could land quite firmly on the side of embracing his own awfulness, which is a dangerous prospect for a little bastard like him.

[mayhem24-7forever]

Let Me Protect You

Steve Harrington x Reader

Author’s Notes: I don’t feel comfortable with minors reading any of my fics, even the SFW ones. Please respect my boundaries and let me have a safe place to express myself. Thank you to my darling @chaseadrian for beta reading this. Dividers by @firefly-graphics​

Content Warnings: she/her pronouns, ANGST, a little fluff as a treat, hurt/comfort, swearing/adult language, near drowning, graphic violence, blood and gore, wounds/cuts, near suffocation/asphyxiation, attacked by the demo-bats, drug usage/sedatives/powerful painkillers, a lot of pain (both physical and emotional), two people who are willing to die to protect the other/self-sacrificing tendencies, basically the end of st4 episode 6 and the beginning/end of episode 7 but with reader

Boat rides in the moonlight with your boyfriend were supposed to be romantic. But this one wasn’t. Likely because they were joined by three other people all being chased by the cops and trying to find a portal to a hell world… so, not romantic at all. Y/N glanced nervously as they got farther out from the shore, leaving the three kids behind. Steve had wanted her to stay with them, like any protective boyfriend would but she had stepped into the boat and refused to move until Steve agreed to let her come. She was stubborn like that, which was one of the reasons Steve had fallen in love with her, but on that particular night it was a quality he was beginning to think was overrated. 

So instead of staying on shore for a safer babysitting duty, she found herself sitting with him at the back of the boat as they sailed towards the point Dustin’s broken compass was pointing to. Nancy sat at the front of the boat with the compass while Robin and Eddie had somehow been roped into rowing. Steve used the flashlight to check out the water around them and Y/N just sat there. She felt a little useless, this was a four person job and by being stubborn she was not only dead-weight to the team but had also left the kids alone to fend for themselves. Maybe Steve was right, although she’d never admit it and as she glanced over at him, he looked angry.

“I think we’re getting closer!” Nancy called from the front.

“Steve?” his girlfriend asked quietly and he turned to look at her. 

“What’s up babe?” he asked.

“I’m sorry.” she said, dropping her eyes down as she fiddled with her hands nervously on her lap.

“What for?” he asked, his face scrunching up into his confused look, something she had gotten used to seeing during their monster-fighting adventures.

“For being a stubborn bitch.” she replied lowly and Steve grabbed her hands suddenly.

“Don’t say that.” he told her. “Sure, you can be stubborn and headstrong and… another word for stubborn. But you’re not a bitch and anyone who calls my girlfriend that is going to have to go a few rounds with me and my fists.”

She chuckled. Steve wasn’t exactly the best fighter and most of his successes had been out of sheer dumb luck. But what he lacked in skill, technique, and really everything else, he made up for with enthusiasm. Whether it was a jock back in high school that was bothering her, a group of Russian soldiers, or a ten-foot demogorgon, Steve was going to see it through to the end.

“I seem to recall that most of your fights end up with you down on the ground, bruised as hell, so I think I could take you.” she joked and he laughed before she got serious again. “But really Steve, I’m sorry for never listening when you try to keep me safe. I just want to keep you safe, for once.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry, I do the same thing to you all the time. I mean just the other night you told me not to poke that tarp with an oar and Eddie almost ended up stabbing me with his beer bottle shiv.” Steve said and she remembered just how that moment had felt.

She wasn’t angry at him for not listening, that always came afterwards, but the feeling that had overwhelmed her when she saw sharp glass pointed at his throat was the paralyzing fear that he was going to get hurt. After everything they had been through –fighting demogorgons, demodogs, the mindflayer, Russians– all they wanted to do was keep the other safe, even if that meant their self-sacrificing tendencies clashed with one another. 

So when Dustin and Max told them that a local girl’s death wasn’t as straightforward as it seemed and they fell down a rabbit hole of trying to cure Max of Vecna’s curse, she and Steve were once again caught in a cycle of disagreement and self-sacrifice. They bickered constantly, he couldn’t understand why she suddenly had a death wish and she used the ‘is it because I’m a girl’ card more often than she probably should have. She was being more stubborn than usual and every time she used herself as a shield, Steve got a little bit angrier. 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt. Everytime I see you bruised and bloody it makes me feel like I failed and it scares me. I just… I can’t lose you, Steve Harrington.” she said earnestly.

“And I feel the exact same way. And I know it sounds a little misogynistic for me to insist on being the big tough guy who saves the helpless woman, but I don’t protect you because you’re a girl. I protect you because you’re my girl.” he replied and she put a hand up to his cheek.

“I guess we have to make an agreement that we’re going to trade off who gets to do the protecting.” she said softly, gazing into his hazel eyes.

“I guess we are.” he replied. “So let me protect you tonight and you can protect me tomorrow. Deal?”

“Deal.” she said and they both smiled at one another, feeling like they were the only people in the world.

“Woah, woah, woah.” Nancy’s voice from the front of the boat said, breaking through their focus on one another. “I think it’s here!”

Nancy held out the compass and they all leaned in to see that it was spinning wildly, indicating they had reached to source of the disruption to the magnetic fields. Dustin’s voice rang through the walkie talkie and Robin picked it up to tell him what was going on. Y/N was looking at the compass when she felt Steve shift next to her, looking over to find him removing his shoes and socks.

“Steve, what are you doing?” she asked.

“Somebody’s gotta go down there and check it out.” he replied as he continued pulling his shoes off. “Unless one of you four can top being a Hawkins High swim co-captain and a certified lifeguard for three years, then it’s gotta be me. No complaints, alright?”

“Steve…” Y/N began lowly but he cut her off.

“Let me protect you.” he said before smiling. “Don’t go back on our deal now.”

“Fine.” she replied begrudgingly, knowing she was beat.

“Hey, I’m not complaining.” Eddie said as he began wrapping a plastic bag around the flashlight to make it as water-proof as he could. “I do not wanna go down there.”

Steve stood up and took off his yellow sweater, revealing his bare chest. It was a sight she usually welcomed because it often meant they were going to have sex, but it was not a welcome sight this time. Of course he looked gorgeous, toned just right with a patch of dark hair on his chest, but seeing it meant he was about to jump into a lake to find a hell gate, something that was really beginning to set in. He dropped his sweater on top of his shoes and looked around at the water. Eddie finished wrapping the flashlight and handed it to him, wishing him luck as Nancy and Robin followed suit.

“Steve.” Y/N said and he turned from the water to look at her. “Be careful… for me, please.”

He leaned down to give her a quick kiss, squeezing her hand before he smiled and jumped into the lake, disappearing into it’s dark depths with a splash. The boat rocked from his jump but Eddie and Robin worked to make sure it didn’t capsize. The boat soon leveled out and they were once again floating on a very still lake, nothing but a flat expanse of water. Robin leaned over and grabbed her hand reassuringly, a gesture which was very much appreciated as her anxiety flared up. Nancy was keeping time with a stop watch and Y/N couldn’t bring herself to ask how long he had been under because it felt like years for her. An eternity spent staring at water and waiting for Steve to return, to see so much as a bubble break the surface.

“Where are we at Wheeler?” Robin asked. 

“Closing in on a minute.” Nancy replied.

“Just out of curiosity, do we happen to know how long Harrington can hold his breath for?” Eddie asked.

“Two minutes.” his girlfriend replied quietly, not moving her eyes from the water. “Steve can hold his breath for two minutes while he swims.”

A silence fell over them once again as they continued waiting and hoping. Robin shifted anxiously and the air was so tense it felt like it could have been cut with a knife.

“Time?” Eddie asked, sending a worried glance towards Y/N’s back as she didn’t move a muscle.

“A minute fifty…” Nancy said and she started to count it down in her head, thinking about her boyfriend, determined to jump in after him if it passed two minutes.

Ten- his confident air.

Nine- how much he cared for the kids.

Eight- how stubborn he was.

Seven- his laugh.

Six- his voice.

Five- his charming smile.

Four- how ridiculously stubborn he was.

Three- his soft hair. 

Two- his beautiful eyes.

One- how ridiculously goddamn stubborn he was.

“That’s it, I’m going in after him.” She said and stood up, getting ready to jump in.

“Wait, hold on!” Robin insisted. “I’m sure he’s fine, he’s-”

Robin was cut off by Steve bursting through the surface next to the boat, rocking it so much that she likely would have fallen out if Eddie hadn’t steadied her. 

“I found it!” he yelled and moved to the side of the boat, grabbing it as he breathed heavily. 

She had never been so happy to see his her boyfriend, drenched and heaving in breaths with a smile on his face. She sunk to her knees instantly and leaned forwards over him.

“Oh. My. God. I. Thought. You. Were. Gone!” she scolded him, pressing aggressive kisses to the top of his head between words.

He took one hand off the boat to hold hers, squeezing it reassuringly as Robin radioed Dustin to report the good news.

“It’s pretty wild.” Steve told the group. “It’s more a snack-sized gate than the mama gate but still, it’s pretty damn big.”

He smiled, clearly proud of himself before he disappeared under the surface for a second, looking confused when he popped back up. She had dropped his hand when he had gone under but she suddenly had the urge to grab it once again and not let go. He looked around him but didn’t see anything and as he turned back towards them, he was yanked under once more. But this time he wasn’t alone, she had been clutching his hand when he got pulled under and she had been pulled out of the boat. The last thing that went through her brain as she was pulled overboard was ‘fuck, this isn’t gonna be good’.

Steve had thought it was supposed to be simple. Just jump in the freezing cold lake, swim to the bottom, find a magic gate to a hell dimension, and get back in the boat so they could plan their next move. Being dragged through the water and down towards the hole to hell by a large tentacle wrapped on his ankle was not part of the plan and neither was having his girlfriend still holding his hand when it happened. The second he realized that whatever was pulling him under and towards the gate was also taking her as well, his eyes widened in fear. He tried to let go so she could float away but she kept a death grip on his wrist, seemingly determined not to lose hold. They had been pulled under without preparation and they were both running out of air as the creature, a long tentacle, pulled them further and further down. Steve didn’t take his eyes off her, ignoring the burning in his lungs as he watched her exhale her last bit of air and begin choking on water, panic in her eyes. He wanted to scream at her to let go of him, to save herself, but he could do nothing except try to wrench his wrist free of her hand. But she wouldn’t let go no matter how hard he tried. They were moving fast, so fast that the tentacle pulled them through the gate before Steve lost the last of his air.

The tentacle threw them into the air as it pulled them in and gravity readjusted so they flopped down hard onto a patch of slimy vines. The tentacle did not let go though, only continuing to pull Steve and his girlfriend further from the gate as they choked up water and tried to breath. Steve could feel the skin on his bare back being shredded and he hoped that her clothes would protect her. Steve smacked into a slimy, vine covered mass and the tentacle let go, disappearing as his girlfriend flew into him. It knocked the wind out of both of them and it was a few seconds of panting before Steve was able to pull himself together enough to realize they were both still breathing. Her chest heaved as she lay on her back and Steve scrambled to move over her, assuring himself that she was in fact still alive.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” he asked frantically, his hands searching her body for injuries before moving to her face as she blinked rapidly, a little dazed from almost drowning. “Baby please, I have to know if you’re okay.”

“I’m okay…” she rasped out, her voice a little hoarse and Steve dropped his head down in a sigh of relief. “I’m probably a bit bruised but I don’t think I’m really hurt. Are you okay, Steve?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He answered before pulling her into a tight hug a hand on the back of her head cradling it. “Fuck…”

They shifted to sit up together and he took in the sight of his girlfriend, scratched up and covered in disgusting grime. To him, it was the most beautiful sight in the world because it meant she was alright. They stayed there for a moment just holding one another as they caught their breath, clinging on to each other like they could be ripped apart at any moment, which was a distinct possibility in the Upside Down. Steve pulled back and put his hands on her cheeks, shaking as he stared into her eyes.

“Why didn’t you let go? You should have just let go!” he said and she shook her head.

“And leave you all alone? Never.” she replied.

“What happened to letting me protect you?” he asked.

“Technically, you never told what to do.” she replied and he shook his head incredulously, the barest trace of a smile on his face. “And I promised I’d let you save me, not that I’d save myself.”

“You stubborn…” he said before pulling her in for another hug, glad to have her safe in his arms. “You stubborn, stubborn smartass.”

“What can I say? I learned from the stubbornest smartass I know!” She laughed against his chest.

They stood up and took the opportunity to look at their surroundings for the first time. The Upside Down was– well it was just as bad as Will and Nancy had described it from their time there: dark and disgusting and terrifying. They were in the center of what was apparently the Upside Down version of lover’s lake, dry and overrun with strange vines that consumed everything. The sky was dark blue and red lightning flashed from within some clouds, casting an ominous red glow through them. The air was chilly and heavy with dust like particles. The vines and the air at least, were similar to the tunnels under the pumpkin patch that the demodogs had dug but to see it on such a grander scale was nerve-wracking. They were in the hell-like not-Hawkins full of dangerous monsters and Steve was overwhelmed with all of the possible dangers to himself and his girlfriend in the landscape around them.

“Let’s get the fuck back to the gate.” he said and she nodded, taking her hand and heading towards it.

They had only made it a few steps when they froze at a horrifying noise. It was not the menacing thunder accompanying the red lightning but some kind of creature snarling in the distance. They turned to see a small shape come towards them from far above the forest and the closest thing Steve could compare it to was a very large bat with a very long tail. It cried out again as it approached and they began to back up, Steve keeping her behind him. If this creature was gonna attack, it was going to have to get through him to get to her. Suddenly, another shriek rang through the air and Steve turned to see that there was another creature approaching on the other side. Everywhere he turned, there was another bat blocking their path and closing them in on all sides. They were surrounded and Steve was struck with the realization that he couldn’t shield her from all of them.

He looked around and saw that within the large vine patch they had landed in was a boat, barely visible. He ran to it, pulling her along with him and grabbed the first thing he could see: an oar. He pulled it out just in time as the first of the bats swooped down to attack, only to be smacked away by his oar. It was on the ground for only a moment before it was launching back up into the air. He swung at another and heard her doing the same but couldn’t land a blow on them as they advanced too quickly, barely able to doge out of the way. He took another large swing when he heard her cry out in surprise and turned to see a bat had wrapped its tail around her waist tightly, her oar dropping to the ground in surprise. She pushed against it but the bat simply yanked her backwards, sending her hard onto the ground several feet away from him as she screamed.

“No!” he yelled and moved to follow when another bat swooped in and clasped onto his shoulder with such force that it drove him to the ground, his oar flying somewhere out of reach.

Then in an instant, the bat had wrapped its tail around his neck and was choking him as it tried to fly further away. He struggled to breath, one hand trying to pull it off of his neck and the other trying to hit out at the creature but it was just out of reach, flapping violently and making squealing noises. A sharp pain radiated from his right side and he found that another bat had landed on his stomach, sinking its sharp talons and teeth into him. He tried to yank at the tail around his neck again but it did nothing, just continuing to squeeze the air from his throat. A third bat joined the attack and landed on his left side, tearing and biting into him wildly like the other. His hands were alternating between trying to free his neck to breathe and swatting at the bats on his stomach, only keeping them away for a few seconds before they’d return to nibbling on him.

The bat choking him began to pull harder and both his hands went to try and claw it off because he could no longer breathe, not even for a moment as he had before. The bats on his stomach resumed their feasts. He heard his girlfriend scream out and his head turned as much as possible to her direction. He could see her lying on her stomach, her head being pulled up and back by a bat’s tail wrapped around her neck as two or three more sat on her back tearing into her flesh. One hand clutched at the tail frantically, trying to pull it off as the other reached out towards him, her eyes pleading with him for help as she gasped for air.

She was able to pull the tail off of her neck enough to scream out, sounding almost like a dying animal, high-pitched and pained, forming no words. It was torture, being held down and unable to help her as she screamed, watching her face turn red as she ran out of air, her hand still outstretched as if she could use it to get to him. Seeing her like that felt much more painful than anything the bats were doing to him. He was able to manage a few screams by prying the tail loose but only for a moment at a time and his vision was starting to go dark, her features blurring.

No, no, no, he thought. He couldn’t die, not before getting to her. She needed him and he couldn’t let them keep him from her. He had to do something, anything, but couldn’t and it was killing him. So close to her, yet unable to get to her. Just before his vision went black, something smacked one of the bats from his stomach. It skidded along the ground and whimpered pathetically before taking flight in the other direction. He turned his head and could barely make out someone standing above him, his discarded oar in hand.

“Hey there.” he heard Nancy say before the other bat was knocked away too.

A second figure came from behind Nancy and he could hear Nancy and Robin yelling at each other as they tried to kill the one choking him, but the tail wasn’t budging despite taking hit after hit. Nancy was attacked from behind by a bat and Robin went to try and rip it off of her, leaving Steve back to struggle against the bat alone. He heard another cry from his girlfriend’s direction and bit down on the tail, hard. It was disgusting and the bat’s dark blood was flooding his mouth but he had bit it deep enough that the bat released him and tried to fly away. He grabbed it before the last of it’s tail slipped from his neck and pulled it towards him, struggling with it. The bat’s strength faltered, just for a moment, but it was all he needed to yank it backwards and swing it up around his head to the ground. It kept flapping, trying to escape his grasp so he swung it down onto the ground again.

Again and again he hit it but it refused to die until one final hit, after what felt like ages, left it on the ground dazed long enough for him to step his foot down on it. He yanked the tail as his foot kept it down, pulling the bottom half from the top half. He spit the blood out of his mouth and panted as he turned around trying to find his bearings. Nancy and Robin had one on the ground and seemed to be close to killing it but they seemed to have it under control so he spun around again to find her. He saw her, a little ways out from the group, still struggling as she had before while Eddie used an oar to swat bats off of her back. He had killed at least two but there was still one left, determined to return to her each time it was swatted away as the tail of another bat was still pulling her head up and back.

Steve’s legs were running towards her before his brain could tell them to. Eddie had gotten the last one off her back but was still smacking at it on the ground beside her, his oar splintering apart as he was finally able to kill it. Steve reached them and clutched the bat choking her in his hand, squeezing it tightly as he tried to keep his grip on it. It released her from it’s tail but was crushed by his fist before it could try to hit him with it. The bat’s body snapped with a crunching sound and he let it’s flimsy corpse fall to the ground. Within an instant, he was on his knees beside her, taking in the gorey scene before him.

The bats had shredded through the back of her shirt completely, only stringy bits remaining. Her entire back was one large wound, almost no unharmed skin left between all the deep and long jagged claw marks stretching from her shoulders to her waist. Entire chunks of her flesh were missing, having been bitten or scratched off, leaving only bloody craters, and what felt like an impossible amount of blood was seeping from her wounds. Without the tail to hold it up, her head had dropped onto the vine in front of her. The worst part was that she was still screaming out in pain, her body shaking with her sobs as her hands ripped into the vine with white knuckles.

“Ste- Steve!” he heard her gasp out from between sobs, turning her tear-stained face as far to the side as she could. “Is Steve okay?”

His heart stopped at that for a second, that despite her condition, the first thing she was asking was if he was alright or not. He quickly slipped one hand under her cheek, supporting her as she tried to look at him without moving her back, his other hand stroking the cheek facing up at him, gently pushing her hair back and wiping her tears.

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” he assured her quickly. “They took a fair bit of flesh but I’m alright.”

He tried to turn her over onto her side but he had barely placed his hands on her shoulder and side when she began screaming at him to stop.

“I can’t move Steve- it’s too painful! Each move- each breath- it’s like- I can’t- I can’t- I” she began, each word carrying her nearer to hysteria, her already heavy breathing picking up quickly.

“Hey, shh. Shh, it’s okay.” he cut her off, trying to calm her down before she started hyperventilating, his hands returning to her face. “It’s okay. I’m gonna get you out of here and we’re gonna be okay.”

He could vaguely hear Eddie cursing while Nancy and Robin discussed something about a hospital and rabies, but he didn’t care. He kept his focus on her, on measuring her wheezing breaths and stroking her hair as her muscles twitched involuntarily from the pain. Her eyes were squeezed shut, tears still streaming out of them as she made small whimpering noises, her face contorted into a grimace. He felt helpless, he couldn’t touch her without hurting her. He kept soothing her and thought about how they could get her back to the gate.

Just carrying her in his arms would jostle her around too much and since every move hurt her, he’d need to get her there as smoothly as possible. It didn’t help that his sides felt like they were burning, blood still slowly leaking from the bite marks. Walking would be hard, let alone carrying her. He remembered the boat and thought there might be something in there—fabric, a net, a plank of wood—anything they could use as a makeshift stretcher. Of course, swimming up to the surface with her, back to shore, and through the woods to the nearest house for help would still be difficult but at least with a stretcher, they could keep her laying on her stomach and keeping her back as straight as possible. He raised his head to tell someone to check the boat when a bat’s cry sounded out.

They all turned their heads to see a group of bats landing on the vines surrounding the gate, chittering angrily in their direction.

“There’s not that many. We can take ‘em.” Steve said, not completely convinced by what he was saying. “Right?”

The only reply he received was an echoing cry of a swarm of dozens of bats, approaching from afar. The red lightning crackled in the clouds behind them and doused them all in a harsh red light as they grew ever nearer.

“You were saying?” Nancy asked and Steve looked down at his girlfriend, trying to figure out how to keep her safe in such a terrifying situation.

“Fuck!” Eddie cried out at the sight of them.

“The woods! Come on!” Nancy cried, pointing at the trees closest to them. “It’s our only option!”

“I am so fucking sorry about this baby.” Steve said quickly to his girlfriend before scooping her off the ground and hauling her up against his chest, one arm supporting her shoulder as far from the scratches as was possible, the other arm hooked around her legs before running towards the forest.

She screamed loudly, sounding almost identical to her cries while the bats were attacking her. Her arms flew around his neck and clutched him so hard he knew there would be nail marks later, but he didn’t care. If clawing into him made her feel even a sliver better than he would let her tear every inch of him. She could bite chunks, scratch lines and tear out chunks of his hair if she needed to, he cared nothing about his pain, only relieving hers. To him, there was nothing in the world more important than her. Her head was buried in his neck, her pained cries at each jerky movement muffled into his skin. He felt awful that he was causing her so much pain but it was the only thing he could do to get her away from the bats. He could feel her blood on his arms, the feeling of the warm blood escaping her body making him hold her to him even closer, as if he could somehow will it back into her body. He ran, ignoring the excruciating pain radiating from his sides, his bare feet slapping painfully against the ground with each stride. His body seemed to be running on pure instinct, some primal urge allowing him to ignore the pain and push his body past its limits.

Despite his pain and her weight he was still able to keep up with the others as they reached the treeline and kept running. Her screams were getting quieter and soon he couldn’t hear them anymore. Her nails clawing into his back suddenly disappeared, her whole body going limp. He was going to stop and check on her but he felt her chest still heaving against his, her breath on his neck ensuring him that she was still alive. They raced past decrepit trees and over tangles of vines, Steve focused only on the feeling of her breathing and keeping his eyes firmly on the person in front of them, mirroring their moves as they dodged obstacles, racing to stay ahead of the bats. But her breath hitched and distracted him, causing him to miss a vine on the ground that snared his foot and sent them crashing to the ground.

He looked down at her, checking her breathing and finding that it was still steady.

“Harrington, let me carry her.” Eddie said and Steve couldn’t even pant out an answer before Eddie had picked her up and Steve found his arms being draped around Nancy and Robin’s shoulders.

They kept running and Steve kept his eyes on her limp form in Eddie’s arms, the red lightning making the trees cast eerie shadows on her face with each flash. Her eyes were closed and she almost looked peaceful as she bobbed lightly with each of Eddie’s steps, only the the harsh red line around her throat betraying that she was not just sleeping. He was grateful that Eddie was helping her but each jerky movement stabbed at his heart. He wanted her to wake up, to be back in his arms, to be safe, but that wasn’t possible so he settled for knowing that she was safer in Eddie’s arms than his at the moment. Steve stumbled a few times, his adrenaline wearing off as they continued running, but Robin and Nancy kept him upright and plowing forwards. He could hear the swarm getting ever closer behind them.

Finally they reached the upside-down version of skull rock, practically throwing themselves under the rock, the first of the bats swooping above them. Steve collapsed under the rock, still trying to push his body towards her as Eddie placed her down as gently as he could. She was on her side, her head lying in Robin's lap while Eddie squatted next to them. Nancy had to hold Steve down and after a few whispered orders to be quiet and stop moving, he reluctantly stopped trying to get to his girlfriend. They sat there crouching and panting for several minutes as the endless stream of bats continued overhead and Steve watched her breathing again, ignoring the ominous thunder and screeches from above.

It felt like ages until the screeching and the sound of wings faded off into the distance and when they did, Robin tentatively poked her head out for a peek.

“That was close.” she sighed.

“Yeah, too close.” Eddie added.

Steve pushed himself up with a pained groan but didn’t make it a single step before tumbling back on to the wall, trying to hold himself up as his head spun. “Oh sh… shit.”

“Steve? Jesus…” Nancy said as she looked at his stomach which was in much worse shape than it had been before.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” he added, wincing.

“No, you’re not fine. You’re losing blood, you need to let me bandage your stomach.” she insisted and Steve tried pushing past her but she only pushed him back harder, almost shoving him over due to his weakness. “She’s not actively bleeding right now, you are. She’s unconscious and she won’t know if you’re not at her side for a minute or two.”

“I’ll know.” Steve said and Nancy shook her head, pointing at him angrily.

“Steven Richard Harrington, so help me god if you don’t let me help you…” she scolded. “You’re no good to her if you’re bleeding out or dead. Let me help you and then we can focus on her.”

She was right and he knew it. As infuriating as it was, his girlfriend was alright for the moment and he wasn’t. If he didn’t let Nancy patch him up, he might bleed to death before she ever even woke up. He nodded reluctantly, letting Nancy help him ease back down to the ground to sit. His heart was pounding in his ears, feeling each beat in his head as Nancy ripped a strip off of her skirt. He could vaguely make out Robin telling him that he probably didn’t have rabies but that if he started feeling symptoms like wanting to punch her then he should let her know.

“I kinda want to punch you.” he rasped out through heavy breaths, slightly annoyed with his best friend but really more grateful that she was trying to help, in her own roundabout Robin way.

She laughed and noted that still having a sense of humor was a good sign. He groaned painfully when Nancy wrapped the cloth around his torso but kept himself as still as he could so she could be done quicker.

“Leave some for Y/N, she’s gonna need them.” Steve grunted out but Robin told him they could use her button-up shirt because she had a shirt underneath.

Eddie helped her rip it up into appropriate sized strips while Nancy finished patching up Steve. He thanked her and then moved to his girlfriend, dropping down to the ground beside her.

“Wait, we need to figure out how to do this. I have to be able to wrap it all the way around her body so she can’t be lying down.” Nancy said, taking the bandages from Eddie and Robin.

Steve thought for a moment before pulling her into his arms and leaning back against the rock wall. He very carefully seated her in his lap so that her chest was leaning against his chest, leaving her back facing out towards Nancy. He carefully put one arm under her armpit and around to let his hand cradle the back of her head on his shoulder. His other hand stayed on her waist and he made sure he wasn’t covering any of her wounds. There was a bit of space between her chest and his so Nancy could wrap the bandages around her easily.

Her tattered shirt was barely hanging on around the arms and the front, the back completely gone and Nancy put the bandages over it so the shirt was held better onto her. She began wrapping each part of her back, starting from the bottom. As she worked, Steve focused on matching her breathing and thought about how he had failed her. She was his everything and from the moment they had been thrown into the weird adventures, he had promised himself he wasn’t going to let her get hurt, no matter what. He threw himself in front of her and the kids countless times so he could shield them from everything.

But he had fucked up and she had almost died—fuck, she still could die. He couldn’t afford any more mistakes—she couldn’t afford any more mistakes. If she died, he was going to lose his goddamn mind more than he already had when she first got hurt. He was going to keep her safe and get her back to the real world even if it cost him his life. He didn’t care if he had to fist fight Vecna and the Mind Flayer at the same time, she was going to be okay.

Steve was so deep in thought that he almost didn’t notice when she began to stir in his arms. She shifted and whined, her body riding that edge between being asleep and awake. Nancy glanced at Steve nervously, only halfway through the bandaging. Her pained noises slowly got louder as her mind woke up until she finally raised her head from off of his shoulder, groaning lowly.

“Steve?” she asked, voice broken and eyes wide with confusion as she looked up at him.

“Hey baby, we’re just trying to bandage you up, alright?” he assured her, his hand moving from the back of her head to caress her cheek.

“It hurts… fuck, it hurts.” she said with a grimace as Nancy tightened another bandage on her back.

“I know, babe. We’re gonna get you patched up and we’re gonna get the fuck out of here, okay?” Steve told her as he watched her eyes water up with more pain as each second passed.

“It’s burning Steve, my back is on fire…” she said, trying to contain her tears but failing. “It won’t stop, why won’t it stop?”

“Shh, shh, shh, babe. Nancy’s almost done, it’ll feel better when it’s wrapped. I’m so sorry, just a bit longer.” he replied and she buried her head back into his neck, sobbing quietly as he tried to keep her as still as possible, stroking her hair to comfort her.

“Almost done.” Nancy assured them as she ripped the cowl neckline off her shirt, having run out of bandages from Robin’s shirt.

Steve stroked her hair and mumbled comforting words in her ear as Nancy kept working, each one of her pained whimpers stabbing directly into his heart.

“It hurts. Make it stop, please.” she kept whispering, over and over again until the phrases were beginning to blend together into one long mumble. Nancy finally finished wrapping her entire back and stepped back so Steve could help her sit up on his lap. When she shifted ever so slightly, she bit down on her hand to keep from screaming and Steve knew he had to do something.

“Does anyone have anything for the pain?” he asked the group, hoping that one of the girls had something they used during their times of the month, but they shook their heads.

“I’ve got something…” Eddie said quietly. “But it’s pretty strong. She’ll be knocked out—heavy—for a few hours and when she wakes up the pain will be mostly relieved for a few hours more, although she’ll be pretty high the whole time.”

“Is that the only option?” Robin asked. “Sedating her?”

“I mean I have a pre-rolled joint or two but I don’t know if it’ll help with this much pain and it won’t last nearly as long.” Eddie replied.

“Give me the drugs.” Y/N said suddenly, carefully raising her head from Steve’s shoulder and turning to talk to Eddie, wincing and whimpering at every move.

“This shit can be dangerous and addictive as hell, I only have it because I sell it to a war vet who uses it for pain management.” Eddie cautioned.

“I don’t care. Give it to me.” she said, her voice strong and sure even as her muscles spasmed in pain in his arms.

“Babe-” Steve began but she shook her head.

“We’ll need to be quiet here so we don’t attract monsters, I can’t do that if I’m trying not to scream every time I move. If I’m knocked out, I’m silent and I can be thrown over someone’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes.” she told him firmly. “Either you sedate me or you leave me here and come back with help later.”

“That’s not fucking happening.” Steve growled.

“Then I need to take the drugs, Steve.” she said, looking up at him and leaning forward to rest her forehead on his, the tip of her nose teasing his as she looked him deep in the eyes. “You know I’m right, babe.”

“You are.” Steve admitted with a sigh. “Which only makes it more frustrating. And you’re not getting carried like a sack of potatoes, you’re precious cargo.”

“I love you, Steve.” she said, reaching up to cup his face in her hands, a tear slipping from her eye. She didn’t know whether it was from exhaustion, pain, fear, or sadness but she still smiled weakly at him anyways. “I’m so sorry it has to be like this.”

“I love you so much. Seeing you in pain feels worse than any actual pain I’ve ever felt. These bites feel like nothing compared to how I felt when I heard you screaming and couldn’t help. If I have to see you get hurt like that again, I’m going to lose my fucking mind. Let me protect you while you’re asleep, I won’t fail you again.” He replied.

“Steve, you didn’t fail-” she began but he cut her off.

“I did and I’m so sorry and I’m gonna spend every second from now on trying to make it up to you.” he said, his gaze intense and she leaned forwards to kiss him, a wordless reassurance of her love and forgiveness.

When they pulled apart, Eddie moved next to them and kneeled down. He had a small metal tin in his hand and they watched as he crushed a pill into a fine powder on the lid.

“It works fastest if you snort it.” he said and she nodded.

It took some instructions from Eddie on how to properly snort drugs but soon she had sniffed up all the powder. Almost immediately, she felt it hit. A wave of exhaustion hit her and suddenly it was almost impossible to keep her eyes open. She looked up at Steve’s worried face and she heard him whisper “Let me protect you, babe…” as he held her close and the world went dark.

“I think she’s waking up!” A voice called in the darkness and she forced herself to open her eyes, finding herself face-to-face with an incredibly close Dustin hovering over her.

“Wha-” She said and Dustin turned his head to yell again. “Yeah she’s definitely awake!”

A hand pushed Dustin’s face to the side and she saw Steve take his place at her side. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him and she reached out for him, his hand taking hold of hers as the other brushed her hair out of her face. She was lying on a couch, surprisingly soft and comfortable and when she looked around she found herself in Eddie’s trailer. It wasn’t the Upside Down version of his trailer but the real world one and she looked to Steve in confusion and disbelief.

“We’re back in the real world, baby. We’re okay.” he assured her with a genuine smile and she began to cry from happiness.

“You protected me…” she said and he nodded as she raised an arm to stroke the side of his face.

“We’re gonna be okay.” he said firmly, as much for himself as for her.

A sliver of light poking through the curtains of a nearby window caught her attention.

“It’s morning… that means according to our deal, it’s my turn to protect you.” she joked and Steve shook his head, unable to stop himself from smiling down at her.

“I’d like to renegotiate the terms of the deal.” he replied and she laughed softly before pulling him down to kiss her.

[pynkhues]

Hi! I love your Succession meta, especially when you drew parallels between Kendall and Rose, I wouldn't have thought of it myself, but that makes perfect sense! I'm curious what is you take on how Logan treated Kendall's ambiguous disorder when it first started manifesting (probably in his teens?). It must haves been such a mess, considering the fact that Kendall is in a complete denial he might have serious mental health issues, and his family only brings them up as a weapon to use against him. Would anything have changed if he'd actually got the help he needed at the beginning?

Hi! Thank you so much!

And ooo, that's such an interesting question, especially given the show has shown that the Roy siblings have spoken to therapists / psychologists before. Roman and Shiv both bring it up a few times throughout the series, and Kendall mentions it most notably in 3.02, and I think you could argue that his breathing exercises in 3.01 are an indication he's spoken to someone about anxiety before (although I do suspect Kendall's therapy has mostly been tied to rehab / recovery in the past as opposed to him trying to actually address any of his other issues).

It sort of makes me think that Logan himself isn't actually adverse to the concept, because if he was, I don't think any of the kids would do it at all, but I do think he has this sort of - - mmmm - - failure to acknowledge what that means, if that makes sense?

So much of what we see of Logan's understanding of vices, mental health or neurodivergence seems to come down to one of two things – either it's something to be fixed, or it's something to be controlled. Both are really clearly demonstrated I think with Iverson, where the Thanksgiving episode positioned his difficulties with transitioning houses as something Kendall should be controlling, and then later in 3.08 with the loaded line 'is he getting better?' as an indication of him viewing Iverson's autism as an ailment to be fixed and not a part of who he is.

We see it in other ways throughout the series too – telling Roman he needs to get 'straightened out', or confronting Kendall on his crying as if he wants to wring the weakness of it out of him. Interestingly too, he tends to treat Kendall's addiction not as something to be fixed, but something to be controlled, most notably in 2.01 when he tells him thinking (and using) is best done 'in limits'. Even still though, his advice is never to seek help, but always to self manage, and the idea I think of really unpacking an issue is something like acknowledging a weakness. Gosh, he even calls rehab 'the nuthouse' in 1.01.

The thing about Logan I think is that he cares more about projecting strength than possessing the actuality of it (although he does care about that too, haha), and that seems to go double for his sons. They represent a legacy of power, control and force, and while they might be varying degrees of fail children, it's only when their weaknesses or 'embarrassing' behaviour i.e. Connor's presidential run or Roman's issues with sex, become more public, that it becomes a problem for Logan.

In that sense, I don't think there's any way Logan's ever really known how to deal with Kendall's mental health. I think you're right that he was probably displaying symptoms from his teenage years, if not from childhood (I tend to read him as bipolar and as being on the autism spectrum, but it is still fairly ambiguous), and I think Logan probably more often than not either looked the other way or reacted as an authoritarian / disciplinarian, not unlike how he did with Iverson in 1.05.

I think for Logan a diagnosis wouldn't necessarily have changed that. It would've been something that needed to be hidden and controlled, and for Kendall, I think it would've been something he felt immense amounts of shame around, even if he had a treatment / management plan, and that his father's need for it to not exist would likely have him self-medicating through drugs and alcohol in the way he already does. Kendall's not someone who easily accepts help after all, even when he really, really wants it, and I don't really think a diagnosis early or otherwise would really have changed all that much for him.

I'm not sure though! What do you guys think?