#sho tsukioka | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

norihisahyuga-archived · 7 years

Text

Missed and Second Chances

Tsukioka Sho/Mimura Shinji Battle Royale 8000~ words. Sfw.

Shinji gets a cold brush-off from Sho and decides he’s going to figure out what he did to piss Sho off. In the process, he might learn a little bit about himself too, something he never would have guessed and something he cannot ignore. Brief mention of sex.

Shinji first notices during gym class. He’s always been excellent at athletics and his grades are more than high enough to guarantee him a spot in most of the universities he’s been interested in since junior high, so he managed to fit a gym class into his class schedule. It’s nice to have a chance to burn through his energy midway through the day, and the fact it’s right before study hall? Even better, because it gives him an excellent chance to rest from the exertion.

They’re playing basketball this unit, a boon for him since it gives him a chance to test out new formations. He’s captaining his team against Shuya Nanahara, the best possible opponent he could have in a situation like this, and while he has Hiroki on his team, Shuya has Hatagami; the four of them together are more than athletic enough to make this a true challenge.

As far as he’s concerned, the other members of their teams don’t really matter. Half of the class is just people who don’t want to take more actual classes on top of the ones they already have, who just want an easy credit or two. Shinji gets it, he does, but they aren’t a true challenge, so he focuses on the people he needs to focus on and does his best to succeed.

In the process of pulling off a particular difficult pass to Hiroki, he rams right into someone, the two of them sprawling on the gym floor. Swearing, Shinji scrambles to his feet, already annoyed that he’d managed to do something so stupid and that he took someone down with him in the process. Despite his usual grace on the court, he had made a mistake, and he had potentially injured someone else in the process. In a real game, that could have easily been one of his own teammates, or it could have fouled his team out. Shuya is a good sport at least, halting the game so Shinji can see just who he managed to knock out.

He’s surprised to find himself offering a hand up to none other than Sho Tsukioka, suddenly feeling like he should jerk his hand away. “Sorry, Tsukioka,” he says, fighting his own urge to recoil from the boy who had been so interested in him during junior high. “I wasn’t paying attention and I knocked into you. It was completely my fault.”

Sho raises an eyebrow at him from where he’s laid out on his back, and that’s when Shinji gets a proper look at him. He isn’t sporting his usual pompadour any longer, his hair a sort of soft mass around his face, and the bottom of his t-shirt has ridden up to expose his stomach, toned enough to make Shinji’s mouth dry and his mind wander to how in the hell Sho had gotten a body like this when Shinji knows damn well he doesn’t do anything athletic.

It seems like a lifetime passes before Sho pushes himself up, brushing aside Shinji’s hand as he pushes himself to his feet. “Pay attention where you’re going next time then, Mimura,” he says.

It’s cold and rough enough to make Shinji raise his eyebrows in surprise, his jaw slackening just a little as he glances at Shuya. Instead of answering, Shuya just shrugs his shoulders, and the teams move back into formation. More out of muscle memory than anything else, Shinji moves to join them, though his mind is still half-preoccupied by Sho’s brush-off.

Since when did Sho Tsukioka have a problem with him?

“You know, you really are about as dense as they come, my man.” Tadakatsu Hatagami has never been anything short of straight to the point as he leans back in his chair, his sandwich held in one hand. “You telling me you didn’t notice when Sho stopped fawning over you?”

The lunch table is not one that Shinji usually sits at; he divides his time between this one and his main table where the rest of his friends are sitting, but Yutaka had come here to sit with Yuichiro today and so Shinji had followed so he could ask Yuichiro and Katsu about Sho. Something had happened in junior high to make Yuichiro and Sho oddly good friends, and so Shinji figured this was a safer bet than trying to get close enough to the Souma Gang to ask Yoshimi what was going on. At least now he can get answers without poking around too much.

“Am I supposed to notice things like that?” he asks, running a hand over his gelled hair.

Yuichiro huffs at him and shakes his head. “Yeah, Mimura, you kind of are? I figured you would have noticed that he stopped trying to flirt with you halfway through our last year in junior high.”

So this had been going on for a while. Shinji frowns; now he wonders why he really didn’t notice when Sho stopped trying to pursue him. After all, Sho had taken every possible chance to flirt with him from the way he dropped by Shinji’s desk to leave a note on its surface to the way he would just invade his personal space to make it clear what his feelings and intentions were. And then that had stopped… When? Halfway through their last year in junior high. So probably around their winter break, and he had failed to notice in all that time.

“Did I do something to him or something?” Shinji finally asks, not sure what else he can say.

“Nah, you were just you and he finally got over you.” Katsu says it so flippantly that Shinji has to stop to stare at him. “Like, all your playing around with girls, all of your scheming and shit. I think he finally got the message that you weren’t the kind of guy who things could work out with.”

Shinji scowls at that; he can’t help himself. “Hey, I could be a perfectly good boyfriend if I wanted to be, thanks. I just don’t want to be.”

Yuichiro raises an eyebrow at him. “You’re also straight, Mimura. That’s what we really mean. You were just yourself, and Sho realized you’d never be interested in guys. And you know, he grew up in his dad’s club, he probably knows what a player looks like from a distance.”

“Since when has my behavior ever been a turnoff for anybody? Besides, I’ve always been like that. It’s not like it would have been something he just noticed around Christmas.” Shinji racks his brain, but he can’t think of anything he might have down around the holidays to put Sho off of him entirely, especially something to earn that frosty treatment.

Yutaka sighs at him. “Why is it bothering you so much anyway? You never liked Sho.”

“I still don’t like Sho. I dunno. I just…” Shinji trails off, then heaves a sigh. “I guess I just don’t get what I did to piss him off this much. He acted like I did something to personally offend him.”

Katsu raises an eyebrow at him. “You rammed into him so hard he hit the floor.”

“Yeah, but I apologized! I even offered to help him up.” Which was far more than he would have done in the past, how can they not realize this? “And he just brushed me off. I don’t get it. What did I do to get him so pissed off at me?”

Yuichiro leans over to pat him on the shoulder. “It’s not anything you need to worry about, Shinji, all right? Just let it go and move on. You don’t even like Sho, and you never have, so I don’t see why his opinion of you should bother you so much.”

“Exactly,” Katsu says, slinging an arm around Yuichiro’s shoulders in a way that looks, to Shinji’s discerning eye at least, more than friendly. “You should be happy he doesn’t like you because that means he’s going to leave you alone, and that’s what you’ve always wanted from him anyway.”

Shinji bites his tongue and doesn’t tell any of them that he doesn’t even know why it bothers him so much. But as for letting it go? No, he’s not about to do that.

Shinji doesn’t actually share any classes with Sho besides gym class and the following study hall, and with Sho sitting on the other side of the room with Mitsuru Numai and Hiroshi Kuronaga, it isn’t like Shinji can waltz over and ask him what he hates him all of a sudden. So he bides his time for a few days, trying to figure out how to go about speaking to him. If he managed to upset someone enough to have them turn on him like this, then he deserves to know what he did. At the very least, he needs to know so he can make things right.

At the end of the week, he lucks out. Numai is missing from study hall and Kuronaga disappears within the first five minutes of class. The teacher here doesn’t care what they do so long as they keep the chattering down to an acceptable level, not too loud to attract the principal or vice principal for any reason. So Shinji pushes himself up from his seat and takes the empty one beside Sho, stretching his legs out to make himself comfortable.

Sho doesn’t even look up from his textbook, taking notes in a small and rather beautiful script that makes Shinji’s eyebrows rise slightly. “What do you want this time, Mimura?”

“I feel like I didn’t properly apologize to you for knocking you on your ass back in gym class,” Shinji says by way of explanation. It’s only half-true, of course. “You seemed very upset with me, so I felt I should apologize to you more respectfully.”

When Sho does look up, his expression is less than impressed. “I’m not interested in your apologies, Mimura. I’d much rather prefer you just left me alone.”

The coldness in his voice has returned, an impressive feat considering Shinji came here to apologize in the first place and, as far as he knows, he hasn’t said anything else damning or stupid in the last two or three minutes. Yet again, it takes Shinji aback to think he’s done something to Sho to trigger this kind of reaction in him. After all, Sho is one of the warmer people in their class, someone who can buddy up with anyone if given the proper amount of time; Shinji knew this as well as anyone else.

So for Sho to brush him off like this, he really must have fucked up somewhere along the line. “Look, Sho, I don’t know what I did to piss you off this bad. I really don’t. But whatever it is, just tell me what I did so I can go about making it better. I’ll actually try, I swear.”

“If you don’t remember, then how can I expect you to feel truly remorseful for it?” Sho returns to his notes, picking up where he left off without missing a beat. “Just let it go. It’s not like we were ever friends to begin with, so you lose nothing. Now, I’m trying to work.”

Shinji bites down on his bottom lip. “It must have been something pretty bad, huh?”

Sho sets his pen down and cracks his knuckles, and it’s not meant to be a threatening sound at all, but it’s clearly a sign that Sho is losing his patience with the conversation. “Why do you care so much in the first place? I’m asking sincerely considering the fact that you and I have rarely if ever spoken since I stopped pursuing you literally years ago.”

“We don’t have to be friends for me to have fucked up,” Shinji says firmly, “and if I did something to hurt you, I feel like I owe you an apology just the same. I fucking hate Numai but if I did something to hurt him, I’d suck up my pride and apologize. It’s just the right thing to do.”

“I see.” Sho heaves a sigh, combing his fingers through his hair.

Shinji nods. “Yeah. So. Just tell me what I did and I’ll fix it.”

“I don’t really want to discuss this where anyone else might overhear. As you know, I pick up quite a bit of gossip around the building. I keep to myself what other people might not want to spread around.” Sho fixes him with a look that Shinji can’t quite read. “And I don’t know if you’d want this to get out or not, so I won’t say it here. Why don’t you come to my place after school?”

The offer is a strange one as far as Shinji’s mileage goes. As far as he knows, the only people Sho has ever asked to come back to his house are his friends. Shinji hasn’t heard of Sho bringing any other guy back to his house, but he figures he has no room to judge or to suspect. After all, the cold dark eyes fixed on him right now probably aren’t interested in him any longer.

“Sounds good to me,” he agrees.

Sho’s house is as average as they come, a solid two-story brick house that Shinji admires from the outside as he follows Sho up the concrete walkway leading to the front porch. There’s a nice car in the driveway, one that actually looks relatively new, and the yard is trimmed and neat. If Shinji had to guess, this would not have been his first idea as to where Sho would have grown up. Still, he says nothing of the sort out loud. Such a thing would just be incredibly rude.

As soon as the front door closes behind them, Sho calls out a greeting. “Dad, I’m home and I have a friend over. You’ve heard me mention him. It’s Mimura, the basketball player.”

You’ve heard me mention him. There is nothing cruel or rude about the phrasing, but Shinji still wonders if Sho’s dad knows just how much Sho used to like him. He kind of wants him to know, just to see if he’s surprised to see Sho’s infamous crush here in the house.

Instead, the man who appears in the kitchen doorway with his sleeves rolled up his forearms just gives Shinji a simple up-down before nodding. “All right. Good to have you home. How was school for you today?”

“It was the usual. I’m going to take Mimura on up now.” Sho tilts his chin toward the stairs. “If you need anything, let me know, okay?”

Mr. Tsukioka gives Sho a loose, one-armed hug before Sho leads Shinji upstairs, and if Shinji didn’t have such an excellent poker face, he doesn’t know what his facial expression would be at the sight of all of this. He’s known that Sho’s father raised him alone and he had assumed the two of them must be close, but everything here seems so normal, so boring beige, and Shinji doesn’t know how this computes to make the person he knows as Sho Tsukioka.

Once they reach the landing, Sho gives him a look. “You seem out of your element.”

Instead of scoffing or brushing it off, Shinji just nods. “I am, a bit. Remember, I’ve never been here before. So… Show me to your bedroom, I guess.”

He expects Sho to make a joke about taking Shinji to his bedroom, but Sho just leads him down the hallway and opens a door to reveal a rather regular looking bedroom. In fact, it’s remarkably similar to any bedroom Shinji has ever seen, except that where he would expect to see posters of hot girls and models, he sees men instead. There’s nothing particularly exciting about the room otherwise, the walls painted a soft soothing green and the carpet a deep gray plush that he sinks into up to his ankles when he crosses the threshold.

“You can put your bag anywhere,” Sho informs him, letting his own fall to the floor beside his bed before taking a seat on the edge of it. “You can sit in my computer chair if you want.”

Shinji doesn’t ask if this is for his benefit, if Sho expects Shinji to be uncomfortable sitting next to him on the bed, but Shinji isn’t ready to explore his feelings on that thought right now. So instead, he tosses his bag on the floor by the offered chair and sinks down into the soft worn leather, letting himself get comfortable.

“So,” he says slowly, running a hand through his gelled hair, “what did I do back then?”

Sho swings his legs up onto the bed, getting comfortable against his pillows. “I feel like I should start this off with an apology. I won’t make excuses for my behavior. I was very rude and very inappropriate with the way I tried to win you over, so I apologize for that.”

“Oh. Well. It’s okay. We all did stupid things we regret as children so I’m not going to hold it against you. Besides, you’ve been fine, so.” Shinji shrugs; it’s just water under the bridge.

“Right. So. This was around the same time that Yoji and Yoshimi finally broke up. You remember that, right?” Sho slants him a sideways glance and Shinji nods; he remembers that as well as anyone else does. Yoji had been treating her like shit for months and she finally ended it. “Yeah, I thought you would. Everyone remembers the big meltdowns from our class.”

Shinji clicks his tongue. “Well, it’s just what it is. Shit that gets attention gets remembered.”

“A crude way of putting it, but yes. Yoshimi was pretty devastated, all things considered. She really cared about Yoji, so she wanted to go out to feel better.” Sho smiles a bittersweet smile.

Though he wants to ask where this is going, Shinji doesn’t. Instead, he struggles to remember what he was doing at the same time on his side of the world. “This was right around the same time that my aunt died now that I think about that. I remember getting the call.”

“Then you at least remember some of what happened. We were trying to cheer Yoshimi up and that’s when you and yours showed up. I remember hearing you say your aunt had died, so I thought that was why you were out, too.” Sho’s smile is less sweet, more bitter, and Shinji wrinkles his eyebrows as he struggles to see where this is going. “I don’t know when you two started talking. I was in and out smoking half of the night. All I know is that when I came back to check on her after my last smoke, both of you were gone. Hirono was so pissed.”

Oh. Oh. Shinji presses his lips together at the thought, and the memories slowly trickle back in as he processes the words. He remembers begging Shuya to help him find a place that would distract him, keep his mind off of things, remembers seeing members of their class in the arcade… Barely remembers running into Yahagi but just the same, he remembers doing it. And he also remembers stumbling around an offer, an idea, a way to keep both of their minds off of the things neither of them wanted to think about.

“Shit,” he finally whispers, shaking his head slowly.

Sho sighs and folds his hands behind his head. “I was pissed you walked off with her, partially because it was the last thing she needed and partially because she was my best friend and you were my crush, and it hurt. I didn’t own you, so it wasn’t my right to be jealous.”

“No, I can see why that would upset you and I’m not mad at you for being upset about it. Fuck, Sho, I’m sorry.” And he is, more than he would like to admit. Sho is right about the fact he never owned Shinji, because the two of them never dated and never even got close, but he can easily see why something like this would upset Sho. “I’m really fucking sorry, Sho. I didn’t even think.”

“I know. You were upset. You both were upset, I know you didn’t intend to hurt my feelings. I was just having a bad few months and that just, well…” Sho shrugs again.

But Shinji can see how finding out the guy you were crushing on seriously for months on end hooking up with your best friend can hurt; he can imagine how that must have been a punch in the gut to Sho. So this was what Yuichiro had meant when he said Shinji had simply been himself and that was enough; he had blindly hooked up with a girl who was willing to have sex with him because they were both feeling like shit, and in the process, that probably hurt Sho quite a bit. It also probably reinforced the common belief that Shinji was only interested in girls, only interested in sex, and not exactly prime boyfriend material for anyone else.

He holds his hands up. “Sho, I… I am really sorry. I mean, I know that like… No. No, I hurt your feelings and I’m sorry about that. It probably strained your friendship with Yahagi and I really didn’t want that to happen either. I was just tired and upset and not thinking straight.”

“It’s just… That’s you, you know? You like girls, you like sex. And that’s fine. I always deluded myself into thinking that maybe one day you and I… But I was young and stupid.” Sho laughs, and though the sound should be humorous, all it does is make him sound upset. “I just… I guess I didn’t want to talk to you because I didn’t want to remember. You don’t really get over your first love, especially not when you still see him every day at school.”

Shinji nods slowly. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“At any rate, there you are. Now you know.” Sho shrugs, glancing over at him, and the angle has so much hair falling into his eyes… And it makes a pretty picture, Sho laying back against the pillows with his hair in his eyes. “I didn’t want to tell you at school because I know you steer clear of the Souma Gang and probably didn’t want that information spread around.”

“Thank you for considering that. I really don’t want to have to deal with Shimizu if everyone finding out means she’s going to kick my ass.” He grins, trying to make it a joke, but he’s also serious. Shimizu had never bothered him, but if everyone knew? She just might.

“You can go now if you want. I have homework to do and I’m sure you have plenty of things to fill your time with.” Sho rolls over to retrieve his bag from the floor, and Shinji swallows a little hard at the way his muscles look as they stretch. “I won’t even tell anyone you came here.”

Shinji glances down at his bag, over at Sho on the bed, and picks up his bag. “Actually, if you want, I could hang out and we could study together. I was a stupid kid then, too, and I was pretty fucking rude to you for being gay. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t want to be near you.”

To make his point clear, he stands up from the chair and moves to sit on the foot of the bed, crossing his legs beneath him. Sho gives him a considering look, then smiles.

It’s probably the strangest thing Shinji has decided to do, but the experience itself isn’t noteworthy. Sho is just a normal teenage boy; Shinji was stupid for thinking he was different.

The weeks pass by uneventfully, and Sho never brings up the afternoon Shinji spent in his bedroom. They nod if they pass in the hallways and they keep an easy banter up during gym class, but otherwise, there is virtual radio silence between them. It’s in that pocket of silence that Shinji screams when he realizes the creeping attraction he has for Sho Tsukioka is not fading, but rather growing worryingly stronger as the days pass by.

It’s annoying to think about. He’s had the most fleeting thoughts about some guys being cute, occasionally, once in a blue moon when his mind is wandering off into the far reaches of his subconscious. Like sometimes Yutaka laughs a certain way, or Shuya has this aura to him when he’s playing his guitar, or Hiroki is just off quietly brooding and Shinji can take a moment to appreciate he has some good-looking friends. Some of the best-looking friends and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with noticing a guy is attractive.

Yutaka picks up on his brooding first, nudging him on the shoulder one day during calculus. “What’s eating you, man? You’ve been out of sorts for a while now.”

“It’s nothing. Must just be a mood I’m going through or something. Nothing is different.” Shinji tries to keep his voice as calm and measured as possible because he isn’t ready to tell anyone about the weird way he’s been feeling. “I talked to Sho, though. We sorted things out.”

“Oh, that’s good to hear.” Yutaka turns his attention back to the packet they have to fill out as their study guide for their upcoming test, then glances up, nodding at someone behind Shinji. “You know, that whole thing made me remember that Sho’s boyfriend is in this class with us. Over there, the guy sitting with Satomi and Yukie.”

Shinji turns around probably faster than he should to see the person Yutaka is talking about, and he sucks in air through his teeth at the sight of the guy in question. The little three-person group is working quietly, keeping their voices pitched low so that their words aren’t overheard around them, but Shinji can imagine the guy having a deep voice. With his shaggy black hair and his somewhat handsome face, he’s not as attractive as Shinji; this Shinji decides without having to think about it. It’s hard to believe a guy this plain is the one who ended up attracting Sho in the first place when he’d liked Shinji, and Shinji is the exact opposite.

For some reason, this makes him furrow his brows as he turns back around. “Weird. He doesn’t seem like Sho’s type. Why are they dating in the first place?”

“Since when do you know what type of guy Sho likes?” Yutaka rolls his eyes, as if the very thought itself is somehow ridiculous, and Shinji scowls at him. “Anyway, Sho really seems to like him, and he’s good to Sho. Why do you care who Sho dates in the first place?”

“I don’t care,” Shinji says, probably a little too forcefully. “Help me finish this packet.”

Yutaka doesn’t give him any shit for his attitude, and for that Shinji is grateful.

It’s on the way to his next class that he sees Sho and his boyfriend interact for the first time. He watches the guy catch Sho around the waist with one arm as he walks by, watches him twirl Sho around until Sho is between him and the bank of lockers on the wall, watches Sho laugh and lean into the hand that comes to rest on his cheek. They both glance around, no doubt on the lookout for teachers who might catch them, before the guy leans in to steal a soft, sweet, swift kiss from Sho’s full lips.

If Shinji storms the rest of his way to his next class and forgets to go to his locker, so be it.

“I don’t understand it,” Keita says from beside him, following him on the way to lunch. Shinji had met up with him outside of his architecture class because he needed someone to rant to. “Do you even know the guy’s name? And why does it matter who Sho dates?”

It shouldn’t, to be fair. It really shouldn’t. Shinji should not care about who Sho Tsukioka does and does not date, and yet here he is, fuming over some unnamed guy he happens to share calculus with. He had made it a point to refuse to remember the guy’s name, unwilling to let the man take up any room in his brain, and as incredibly petty as it is and as he can be, he doesn’t feel bad for it. Not in the least.

And yet, here he is. The guy is just so vanilla. How can Sho have fallen for a guy like that?

“You’re starting to sound a little obsessive about this,” Keita says, and Shinji hates how right he is. “Like, I know you don’t mean to, but you don’t even know the guy, right? And if he’s hanging out with Noda and Utsumi, he really can’t be that bad, can he?”

A fair point. Shinji frowns. “You’re supposed to take my side, you know.”

“I am on your side. I just don’t understand why you’re so mad at him.” Keita gives him a one-shoulder shrugs.

“I don’t even know why I’m mad to be honest. Just… don’t tell the others about this, okay?” Shinji holds up his hand, extending just his pinky. “Promise me. I don’t want anyone else to worry about me. I swear I’ll sort it out myself.”

Keita sighs at him but hooks their pinkies together. “I promise.”

Sho’s boyfriend is sitting with him at Yuichiro’s table, so Shinji makes a beeline for his usual table to avoid any awkward moments. The two of them are in the process of being ridiculously cute together, the guy’s arm loosely wrapped around Sho’s waist while he eats with one hand, and there’s no denying that Sho is clearly enjoying the attention. It makes Shinji wonder if Sho was ever hurt by the fact Shinji went out of his way to avoid him back when Sho liked him, and then he’s mad at himself all over again and drops down hard into his chair.

He hates his life. How could this have happened to him?

Pointedly, he looks at each of his friends in turn, trying to see anything attractive in their faces that would solidify if he likes guys or if he’s just tricked himself into being frustrated over nothing. Nobu isn’t really his type, but there’s no hiding the fact that his friendly smile is kinda cute. Shuya is drop dead handsome in a different way than Shinji, all warmth and brightness and the actual sun captured in his eyes and his smile. Hiroki is, well… Sort of pretty? His lips look nice when he mouths the words of his Chinese poetry to himself, poking at his food with one hand. And Yutaka has that cute face with his cute laugh and—

Shinji clenches his jaw and stares down at his lap. It’s normal to find his friends attractive. It can’t possibly be because he likes guys, right?

Across the room, Sho’s boyfriend steals another kiss, and Shinji almost has a heart attack.

The fact of the matter is, Shinji has no reason to push himself this hard during practice, but he has a lot of stress built up from the last couple of months and he can’t really focus on anything but the beat of his heart and the way sweat runs down his face. Swearing, he drives down the court again, pointedly hogging the ball and scoring a basket right at the three point line. His teammates cock their heads at him, clearly confused, but he doesn’t elaborate on why he’s acting this way and they don’t ask as long as he continues to do well.

He hates this. He really hates this. He hates that he keeps thinking about Sho and his boyfriend, hates that it bothers him as much as it does. He wonders if people experience this type of jealousy normally, but he isn’t sure. He was never really jealous before now given the fact that he never really cared about anyone for any reason before. He’d never kept girls around for long.

Sighing softly, he runs his fingers through his hair and shakes himself, rolling his shoulders as he falls back into formation with his team. He’s starting to flag because he’s been throwing his all into this practice, and he’s going to collapse if this keeps up for much longer.

By the time practice does wrap up, his muscles are screaming at him for pushing himself this hard, and he heaves a sigh as he lowers himself onto the bench, too tired to think about showering at this moment. A few guys slap him on the back and congratulate him on how hard he worked during practice, and all he can really do is smile back and nod. He’s exhausted.

The walk home is at least not a long one, and the cool evening air on his still overheated skin is nice. Showering had washed away the sweat and the stench, but not the fatigue.

“Hey there, handsome,” a familiar voice calls out, and he glances behind him to see Sho jogging lightly to catch up with him. “I thought I saw you walking. Just get done with practice?”

They haven’t really spoken that much other than in class, so Shinji is just a little thrown off by this. “Yeah,” he says with a quick nod. “What are you doing out and about?”

Sho nods over his shoulder. “I just left the boyfriend’s house. We were working on lit together when I saw what time it was. Fancy running into you out here.”

“It is weird,” Shinji agrees, and he’s calmer than he should be about the fact that Sho falls into step beside him, calm about the companionable feel of it all. “But it’s kinda nice, too, right? It’s not like I don’t enjoy spending time with you or anything.”

“What a romantic,” Sho says, his tone light and teasing.

At that, Shinji half-smiles. “I’m not a romantic guy, you know. I figured that would have been one of the first things you picked up about me when you started crushing on me.”

“Believe me when I said that I not only figured that out but tried to tell myself it would be different between us. Oh boy, was I stupid.” Sho laughs it off and Shinji chuckles softly to himself. “Ah, well, it’s all good. Have you actually found someone to start liking yet?”

“No. I’m not really looking for anyone in particular.” And God knows he means it. “So, uh, your boyfriend, what’s he like? I didn’t even realize you had a boyfriend to begin with.”

“He’s a sweet guy, he really is. I didn’t expect that when we first got together because I never thought he would be a guy who would be interested in me, you know?” Sho smiles a little to himself, and Shinji feels terrible for hating the guy in the first place. God, what the fuck is wrong with him? “I dunno, I’m happy and he seems happy with me, so I’m grateful.”

Shinji is officially the worst person in the entire world right at this moment. On this entire planet, maybe in this galaxy, he is a bastard, and he probably doesn’t deserve to have Sho as a friend considering all he’s done is be shitty about the fact he has a boyfriend. He makes a mental note to be good to him, to be better for him, because Sho doesn’t deserve to have people in his life who are needlessly jealous for absolutely no reason.

They part at the corner, Shinji mentally making lists of ways he can be a better person, too busy to feel Sho’s eyes following him long after he’s crossed the street toward his own home.

Shinji has just worked his way of thinking around to the word bisexual when he shows up to school one day and finds the Kiriyama Family in a flurry of conversation, Sho standing in the middle of the group and looking unimpressed with the situation. His boyfriend is nowhere to be seen and somehow Shinji just knows something terrible must have happened with the guy. Breaking his own rule for the first time in months, he makes a beeline to where Hirono Shimizu and Yoshimi Yahagi are standing, knowing who to go to for the most immediate answers.

Shimizu steps in front of him before he can get any closer to Yahagi. “What do you want, Mimura? You aren’t exactly who we want to talk to.”

Shinji sighs at her. “I know, Shimizu. I want to talk to Yahagi.” He lifts his chin toward her shoulder, making his intent clear. “Something happened with the Kiriyama Family, and she’s close with Sho. I just want to know if everything is okay with him.”

“Sho said you two were talking off and on but I didn’t think he was that serious about it.” Yoshimi steps around Hirono, patting her shoulder, which gets her to relax the slightest bit. “Sho and his boyfriend broke up last night. Sho caught him with a girl in another class.”

“Oh. Fuck, that’s rough.” Shinji doesn’t know what else to say. He’s more than a little surprised.

Yahagi shrugs up at him, going back to standing behind Shimizu. “I know Mitsuru wants to kill the guy and I think Ryuhei and Hiroshi are just about behind the idea while Sho is trying to convince them it isn’t worth it. He didn’t seem too torn up when we talked about it.”

Shinji debates that for a moment, remembering the way that Sho had held pretty tightly to the anger he felt toward Shinji from something that happened years ago. The chances of Sho being completely fine about being cheated on was slim, but Shinji highly doubts that Yahagi means it. Most likely, she’s doing what she can to protect her best friend from having to have a conversation he likely does not want to have right now. Shinji can respect that.

“Thanks,” he says, nodding to her before heading back to where his friends are waiting.

“What’s going on, Mim?” Shuya asks, bumping their shoulders together affectionately. The concern in his wide dark eyes is impossible to miss. “Everything okay?”

Against his will, Shinji’s eyes dart back to where he can see Sho standing against the lockers, clearly arguing with Numai, Sasagawa, and Kuronaga all at once. Kiriyama seems rather uninvolved with the situation, his nose fixed in a book, while the other four bicker loudly enough for Shinji to hear the rhythm of their conversation even if he can’t make out the words. Sighing, he runs a hand through his hair, debating about what to do, if he should do anything at all.

“It’s nothing to worry about, Shu,” he finally says.

Shuya gives him a doubtful look and lets his head fall onto Shinji’s shoulder, the reaction of a puppy wanting to help its owner even though there’s nothing it can really do, and Shinji lets him, his cheek resting against the top of Shuya’s head.

When gym class rolls around, Shinji hooks his arm through Sho’s, pulling him away from the flow of students and raising an eyebrow at him. “Wanna ditch this place? It’s been a long day.”

“You know what? Yes.” Sho picks his bag back up from where he’d tossed it on a bench and lets Shinji lead him out of the room, not bothering to unhook their arms as Shinji pulls him toward the doors right by the locker rooms. “I really don’t want to be here today anyway.”

They head for Sho’s house because it happens to be closer to the school than Shinji’s is, and he doesn’t mind at all. Sho’s father is out of the house, off to interview new employees to work in his bar, so they have the house to themselves. It’s quiet and peaceful, but Sho still pulls Shinji to his room and shuts the door behind him before throwing himself across his bed, burying his face in a pillow in the process. Unsure of what he’s supposed to do, Shinji takes his seat in the computer chair once again and leans back in it, staring up at the ceiling.

He wishes he knew how to make this better, but he doesn’t know what he should say to make things better. None of his friends have dealt with something like this before, considering most of them haven’t dealt with serious relationships before. They’ve been too busy with everything else to consider finding the time to fall in love with someone in a real, serious way.

When Sho finally pushes himself up on his elbows, his eyes are red and wet, and Shinji starts, jerking forward in his chair. “I’m sorry about this,” Sho says, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes before they have a chance to fall. “I’m being pitiful and I can’t help it.”

Shinji shakes his head. “No, no, don’t… Don’t worry about it. It was an upsetting thing that happened and you deserve to deal with it the way you need to deal with it.”

Sho laughs, and the sound is hollow and lacking in any form of humor. “I just… Thought I’d finally found a guy who was better than that.” He heaves a sigh and lets his head drop onto the pillow, and Shinji wonders if he’s cried in front of the rest of the Kiriyama Family before. They’d been arguing earlier, it hadn’t seemed very tender to him. “Mitsuru wants to fuck the guy up for me, but I told him to just let it go. I don’t need someone fighting in my honor like that.”

“I get it.” Shinji hesitates before pushing himself out of his chair and coming to sit on the edge of the bed, patting Sho on the back. “I’m sorry about what happened, for what it’s worth. You don’t deserve to have someone cheat on you like that.”

“It is what it is. I’m glad I found out now rather than months down the line.” Sho shrugs, but the emotion in his voice is enough to tell Shinji he’s still seriously upset.

Instead of answering, Sho rolls over onto his side, giving Shinji his back, and drags his pillow down against his chest, holding onto it while he stares at his closet walls. The lack of an answer to his words tells him that Sho probably doesn’t want to talk right now, so Shinji lets the quiet permeate the room, his hand rubbing slow and soothing circles in Sho’s back.

“You know,” Sho says after a good fifteen minutes has elapsed, turning his head around so he can look up at Shinji, “at one point I would have killed to have you in my room like this.”

Shinji flashes him a grin. “Don’t I know it.”

“I can’t believe the first time you’re here, it’s just for me to tell you why I’m pissed at you, and now it’s because I’m moping over some guy who’s not worth the waste of time.” Sho laughs, and the sound is more like him, which relieves Shinji more than he thought it would.

He shrugs, his fingers splayed across Sho’s back. “It seems like the more you want something to be perfect, the more it ends up not matching you expectations.”

Sho is quiet for a while before clearing his throat. “Shinji? What’s it like to not fall for anyone?”

The question makes Shinji blink a few times, then frown as he considers why Sho must be asking him this question. “Don’t wish for that. Believe me. It isn’t worth it.”

He’s in the process of leaning over to give Sho some kind of awkward hug— he both needs and deserves it right now— when Sho shifts and Shinji loses his balance, falling on top of him.

The angle is awkward. Shinji should push himself up and apologize, he isn’t a small guy to begin with and he’s landed so that it feels like all of the awkward points of their bodies are hitting in sensitive places, but he’s suddenly face-to-face with Sho. His eyes are having difficulty finding a place to settle, torn between focusing on Sho’s lips or on his surprised eyes.

“Sorry,” he breathes without making any move to get up.

Sho swallows so hard that Shinji sees his throat bob with the motion. “It’s okay,” he whispers.

Shinji should move. Sho is hurting, clearly doing his best to recover from something that had clearly broken his heart, or at least a piece of it, and the last thing he needs to deal with right now is Shinji complicating things for him, making it harder to deal with the emotions he needs to have time to deal with. But instead of moving, Shinji leans down a little closer, his lips parted just slightly. This isn’t like him. He always knows how to get what he wants.

Maybe it’s just that he’s never wanted anybody in the same way that he wants Sho.

He licks his lips without thinking about it, watches Sho’s eyes dart down before darting back up to his face. Up close, Sho is prettier than Shinji has ever given him credit for, all exquisite facial bones and soft lips and beautiful brown eyes with long black lashes. Shinji has no right to ask him anything, to expect anything from him, especially given the fact that he had pushed Sho away as far as possible during junior high, but…

“Tell me to get away from you and I will,” he says, moving to brace a hand beside Sho’s head, digging his fingers into the pillow. “Just tell me to get away, Sho. I’ll listen to you.”

Sho smiles ruefully up at him, and one hand slowly lifts, fingers curling around the back of Shinji’s neck. “Not in a million years, Shinji. If you want it, then so do I. I’ve wanted it longer.”

Shinji can’t help but laugh a little at that. “I thought you didn’t like me anymore?”

“Shut up and kiss me,” Sho murmurs.

It would be cruel to do anything but.

Leaning down to press his lips to Sho Tsukioka’s feels more natural than Shinji would have ever thought. Their mouths meet seamlessly in the middle, Sho’s soft and warm beneath his, a little damp from his tears, and Shinji digs his fingers further into the pillow. He doesn’t know how to describe the warmth that wells up from his gut, spreading through every fibre of his body until it feels like there is no part of him untouched by the strange feeling. He’s painfully aware of his own heart thumping irregularly against his ribs, aware of Sho inhaling through his nose.

Shinji doesn’t know how long their lips stay attached, a slow and tentative dance that becomes firmer, more definite as he gains confidence and as Sho responds with an enthusiasm that Shinji doesn’t think he’s ever felt with anyone else before. It makes the strange heat moving through his body that much stranger, that much more alien to him, and somehow it feels perfectly at home.

“Wow,” he murmurs against Sho’s lips when he finally has to come up for air. Below him, Sho’s cheeks are flushed, his lips slightly swollen, and he drags in oxygen just as Shinji does. “That was a lot more intense than I thought it would be for a kiss.”

Sho scoffs up at him. “Better late to find that out than never.”

“Yeah.” Shinji finally pushes himself into a sitting position, watching Sho do the same, his back to his headboard. “I… I don’t really know what happens next or where we go from here.”

This time, Sho gives him a small smile, taking one of Shinji’s hands in his. “Why don’t we make out some more and just play it by ear from here on out?”

Shinji nods. That sounds good to him.

#battle royale #shinji mimura #sho tsukioka #*f: mine #*f: br #*f: shinji #*f: sho

10 notes · View notes