#should I make scenes of their interactions after the night out idk

[deathtulips]

late night out

[asahicore]

love calculator - pjh (m)

this work contains smut - minors please do not interact

pairing. best friend!jihoon x fem!reader

synopsis. You were sure that Jihoon only took care of you so well because your brother had tasked him with looking after you when you started university, so you tried not to read too much into his actions until you couldn't deny your increasing sensitivity around your best friend anymore. What you didn't know was Jihoon was going crazy, finding ways to make his feelings for you more obvious than they already were.

genre. f2l, brother's friend, slight childhood friends action, college au, slow burn?, fluff, smut (mutual first time, they do it raw, dirty talking, very soft dom!jihoon)

warnings. jihoon is a menace, jihoon has a hot bod, junkyu is mean to everyone, mc is a bit slow, side romance but i dont actually ship idols i have a life, omegle, ok theres no actual stuff to be warned about its all good in there

word count. 28.2k dont ask me why or how idk either

a/n. there she is... i spent SO much time on her pls love it lots or i'll cry.. it was sm fun writing for jihoon omg i hope u love hoonyn as much as i do !!! @zreamy my dear sweet little zo ty for betareading this and freaking out over jihoon u rock

1K follower trope event - requested by @mosviqu, tysm for requesting and i really hope u enjoy it !!!! - listen to the playlist!

Oddly enough, it was Jihoon’s biceps that first made you think something was wrong with you.

It was the fourth week of the spring semester, that odd in-between when you knew midterms were creeping up but were still far away enough to be ignored. This meant that you could party guilt-free.

The plan for tonight was to pregame at one of those huge uni dorms where ten students shared a kitchen then head to an overpriced club downtown that always had the best music on Friday nights. You didn’t have any classes on Fridays, so you’d headed to Jihoon’s place around four p.m. to get ready together. Usually, that was something you’d do with Minjeong, your roommate, but that weekend, she was away for an excursion with her Geography course. 

He was in the shower when you rang the doorbell, so his flatmate let you in, and you made yourself comfortable on his bed while waiting for him. You were so engrossed in the romance Webtoon you’d started that morning that at first, when he came in, you didn’t even look up from your phone. 

“Hey, Y/N,” he said casually, unfazed by your sudden appearance in his room. The soft smell of his body wash filled the room, and you noted with smugness that it was the one you had jokingly given him for Christmas after you’d gotten fed up with his strong, ever-present Axe scent. 

“Hey, Hoonie. You smell nice. For once.”

He chuckled. “It’s all thanks to you.”

“What would you do without me?” you said with a sigh, then looked up. You shouldn’t have. “Oh.”

The sight you were met with was unlike anything you’d ever seen in real life - Jihoon in all his post-shower half-naked glory, a simple white towel hanging low on his hips. Small beads of water fell from his hair and dripped down his chiseled chest and onto the plush carpet lining his bedroom.

You were pretty sure you’d seen at least five scenes like this in your romance comics.

“Oh?” he parroted.

You squinted your eyes at your friend before turning your attention back to your phone. “You’re naked.”

From the corner of your eye, you saw his grin widen. “I’m wearing a towel.”

“A towel isn’t clothes.” He turned around to rummage through his closet, and you took that opportunity to observe him more closely. This was the first time you saw your friend without a shirt, and you were trying your very hardest to not freak out, but it was a bit hard not to. Who would have known that under his baggy shirts and sweaters, Jihoon was hiding firm abs, broad shoulders, defined back muscles and protruding biceps?

His arms were what really got you, because you felt like you should have noticed them before. You’d already caught yourself staring a little bit too hard at the veins on his hands and forearms during a lecture before, so you could’ve conjectured that the upper part of his arms was well-defined as well. As mesmerizing as the shifting of his shoulder muscles was, what you really couldn’t look away from was the bump that formed his bicep. 

“Jihoon, have you always had… arms?”

You had barely even realized you’d said this out loud until Jihoon turned around, a confused look on his face. His lips drew into a smirk when he saw how fixed your gaze on his biceps was.

“No, they just grew recently. Thank you for noticing.”

“No, I mean… arms. Muscles.”

“Oh, these?” he said, flexing his arms and pecking his biceps in such a cheesy way that it snapped you out of your reverie and made you burst into laughter. “I started working on them last year so, yeah, they’ve been around a while.”

“Huh,” you said, then picked your phone up again and resumed your reading. “Well, you should work harder, ‘cause it’s the first time I noticed them.”

Jihoon scoffed. “Don’t act like you weren’t just drooling over my dream bod just seconds ago.”

You looked up, outraged. “I wasn’t drooling, I was observing. And don’t call it a dream bod, that’s gross.”

“My bod is a dream bod.”

“Stop it.”

“Can you look away from my dream bod for a sec? I need to put some pants on.”

“I’m already actively not looking. This dude is way hotter than you, by the way,” you said, waving your phone.

“Let me see him,” Jihoon said, heading towards you after successfully putting a shirt and sweatpants on. Gray sweatpants, you realized with a frown. He took your phone and looked back and forth between the character on the screen and you, an expression of disbelief on his face. “Y/N, this is a two-dimensional fictional character that exists in a fairyland. It hurts my feelings when you call him hotter than me.”

A lip grew on your lips. “Yes, but he has pointy ears and doesn’t refer to his body as a dream bod, so he’s a ten in my books.”

As you spoke, Jihoon lay down on his bed, stretching his arms behind his head and resting it on his palms, looking up at you with a grin. You didn’t know what to make of the sudden flip of your stomach.

“Will I be a ten in your books if I stop calling it a dream bod?”

You laughed. “Dream bod doesn’t even sound real anymore.”

“I don’t think it ever was, to be honest,” Jihoon replied, laughing along. “Or maybe they invented it for me.”

--

After that riveting discussion, you watched the show you’d been watching together (which, you had been surprised to find, Jihoon had the discipline to not watch ahead for), then finished getting ready. That night out hadn’t been particularly extraordinary. Pre-gaming had been fun and chaotic, but the line at the club had been so long that you’d all sobered up by the time you were inside and none of you felt compelled to pay for six dollar shots. At least the good music and nice DJ that took all of your requests made up for it.

The interesting bit happened on the bus ride back home.

By some miracle, Jihoon had run into some of his friendly course seniors that apparently liked him so much, they decided to pay for all of his drinks. Only an hour after getting into the club, he was nothing short of wasted. In your five months of being at university with him, you’d not once seen him in such a state - disheveled hair (from dancing too hard or from getting his hair ruffled like a cute dog by all of his seniors, you weren’t sure), deep red blush staining his cheeks, forehead, ears and neck, unfocused eyes and constant lopsided grin. When he almost tripped over his own feet during Gimme More by Britney Spears, you knew it was time to go home.

Jihoon was usually the one that had to deal with a drunk you, so you didn’t mind taking care of him this time. It was actually kind of fun, seeing this new side of the person who had become your closest friend in the past months. 

Luckily for you, a night bus ran directly from the downtown area you were in to the street you and Jihoon lived on, and you managed to lug him to the bus stop. Getting him onto the bus and into a seat was an arduous task, but you made it, and were enjoying a calm, uneventful ride home until you felt Jihoon’s head drop onto your shoulder. You thought he’d just fallen asleep, but then the unmistakable sound of his voice made itself known to your ears.

“Y/N, Y/N…” Jihoon murmured with a muffled voice, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You tried to ignore the prickly feeling down your spine when his lips moved against your skin.

“Yes, Hoonie?” you asked, a tilt of amusement to your voice. You really had never seen your friend so intoxicated.

He sighed, lifting his head from your shoulder and resting it against the window with a bang. He didn’t even wince at the impact of his head against the glass - the alcohol had apparently rid him of the sensation of pain.

“Don’t call me that,” he mumbled, voice so quiet you had to ask him to repeat himself. “I said don’t call me that!” 

You were taken aback by his sudden burst of irritation, but he sounded more like an upset child than anything.

“Call you what? Hoonie?”

“Yes.”

“Why? I’ve always called you that.” You tilted your head at him, but he kept his eyes fixed on the road outside.

“Exactly. You’re the only one who calls me that. Everyone else says Jihoon,” he said, annoyance clear in his voice. It sounded like this had been bothering him for a while, but it was complete news to you. “Can’t you even be bothered to say my full name, or something?”

You chuckled and brushed some hair out of his face. Like an angry cartoon character, he puffed air out of his nose and crossed his arms over his chest. His frown deepened and a blush spread over his face that was already red from the alcohol. “Should I call you Jihoon from now on?” you asked softly.

His reaction was immediate. He whipped around, almost knocking your head with his, a look of total alarm on his face. His eyes were almost teary. “No!” he exclaimed loudly, garnering glares from some of the other passengers in the bus who probably wanted some quiet this late at night. “No,” he repeated, this time more quietly, and turned back to the window.

In slight disbelief, you chuckled again. “What am I supposed to call you, then?”

“Just-” he started, but cut himself off with a sigh. “Just call me whatever.”

A small smile tugged at your lips. “I’ll stick to Hoonie, then.” 

He groaned as he lifted his head from the window and let it fall back against your shoulder. The angle must’ve made it highly uncomfortable for his neck, but he didn’t seem to mind. He only stayed still for a few seconds before shifting slightly and burying his face in the dip between your shoulder and your neck once more, then let out a low hum of satisfaction. 

“You smell nice,” he mumbled. Your breath caught in your throat. He was too close, his lips were too soft and his breath was too warm against your skin. Your whole body felt hot, like the bus driver had suddenly cranked the heat up and turned the bus into a sauna. “Like almonds,” he added, pressing his nose deeper into the base of your neck and inhaling there.

You tried to laugh, hoping it would dissipate the tension in your body, but it only came out as a choked sound. “It’s my body lotion,” you explained, voice weaker than you’d intended.

“Hm.”

You didn’t know what it was about Jihoon’s proximity that made your head spin so - no one had ever made you feel this way, and the fact that your body was reacting so intensely to someone you had considered your best friend for the past months made it all the more confusing.

“Are you asleep?” you asked him in a small voice after he’d been silent for some minutes.

“Just sleepy,” he murmured, shifting in his seat again. You tried not to shiver at the tickling sensation of his hair against your neck.

A pause. “Jihoon?”

“Don’t call me that.” You smiled, but there was a slight whine to his voice that, for some reason, made your heart ache. 

You corrected yourself. “Hoon?”

“Mmh?”

“Why did it bother you that I call you Hoonie, all of a sudden?”

He took so long to answer that you almost thought he hadn’t heard you. “Because… every time you call me that, it makes me love you more,” he answered, voice getting gradually lower until it became a whisper.

Everything seemed to disappear around you. The other passengers, the seat underneath you, the blinking lights and the night sky outside the window. It was just you and Jihoon, his body warm next to yours and the only thing keeping you tethered to Earth.

“Makes you… love… me?” you echoed tentatively. 

But no answer came. When you bent your head down to look at Jihoon, it seemed like he had fallen completely asleep, mouth slightly agape and the blush of alcohol still red on his face. You didn’t know what to make of his words, but there was no point asking him about them now. So you let him sleep on your shoulder, only waking him once you were nearing his stop. 

--

Jihoon woke up the next morning with a pounding head and a bruised ego.

He had always prided himself in his ability to drink copious amounts of alcohol and yet only end up tipsy. Sure, it wasn’t exactly good for his body, but it meant that he never had to turn down a drink or watch on the sidelines as his friends did shots, and he could still get home just fine and not wake up with a head-splitting hangover the next day. Unlike you, who started giggling for no reason after one pint of beer and who tore it up on the dancefloor or talked to strangers like you’d been besties for years after two shots of tequila.

It only made his state of the previous night that much more embarrassing. He wished he had your amazing memory-erasing superpowers - but sadly, he didn’t, and what happened in the bus was glued to his brain. 

Before he could even lift his head or get a cup of water, his phone rang, the sound invading his ears and splitting his head in two. He slid a thumb across his phone to accept the video call and was greeted by a close-up of Junkyu’s smiling face.

“Rise and shine! I heard someone got their party on last night.”

Jihoon groaned loudly, chucking his phone somewhere on his bed so he didn’t have to see his friend’s face anymore. His was definitely not the face he wanted to see first thing in the morning. Unfortunately for Jihoon, Junkyu had been blessed with an extraordinarily loud voice that still rang clear even when the speakers of Jihoon’s phone were stifled by his blankets.

“Y/N sent me a video of you. You looked ridiculous, man.”

“I hate you. I hate your face, I hate the way you talk, I hate how mean you are to me-”

“I can’t hear you. What was that?”

With another groan and a lot of difficulty, Jihoon raised his upper body and retrieved his phone. “You suck.”

Junkyu’s smile widened. “Well, that’s all from me. Have a glass of water!” he said cheerily before hanging up. Jihoon had never wanted to kill someone so badly.

His murderous feelings softened when he turned his head to find a plastic bottle of water and a headache pill along with a handwritten note on his bedside table. Have this and text me when you wake up! with five hearts at the bottom. It wasn’t signed, but he knew it was from you.

When the two of you met up for brunch sometime later, he kept searching your face and reading into your actions for any sign that what he’d said last night had made you uncomfortable. He’d expected you to be awkward around him, but your attitude almost made him think he’d imagined the whole thing. You joked around with him as usual, as if he hadn’t practically confessed to you last night, and he was desperate to know what might be going through your mind.

Had you forgotten? Had you chalked it up to him being drunk and talking nonsense? Had he had just thought it very hard, and not actually said it out loud? Or, worst of all, had you heard it all and understood him and decided to just ignore it for the sake of your friendship?

Jihoon was going crazy. He could barely taste his chicken and waffles.

The truth was, you just had no idea what to make of his words, and you were scared bringing it up might make things awkward. Jihoon could have forgotten all about it, or he could have meant something entirely different from where your wild, romance-comic-filled imagination went. Save for his tired eyes and groggy voice, he was no different at breakfast than he usually was, so you dropped it.

--

“Okay, Y/N, I think it’s time for you to go home now.” 

Different Friday night, different party. A week had passed and neither of you had mentioned what Jihoon had said on the bus - it wasn’t quite out of your minds just yet, but you’d both separately decided to pretend nothing had happened.

This time, Jihoon had found you in the hallway playing beer pong and downing the cup of beer your opponent had thrown the ball into. Everybody cheered you on as you gulped the cheap liquid down before lifting the empty cup over your head, eyes screwed shut at the unpleasant bitterness in your mouth. Jihoon wasn’t sure why you were playing - you hated beer, and you had one of the worst throws he’d ever seen. But even he, who was supposed to look after you, couldn’t suppress a smile at your attempt and inevitable total fail at scoring a point for your team. Even with all the concentration in the world, the sheer amount of alcohol in your system would’ve made it impossible for you to make it.

Back against the wall and arms crossed over his chest, he watched amusedly as you squinted your eyes at the cups across the table from you, even sticking out your tongue as if that would make your aim any better. After a few tense seconds, you threw the ping-pong ball and hit Lee Jeno right in the chest. You’d giggled at your own failure, letting people pat you on the back for trying and reassure you that it’s okay (even though you really didn’t care) before stumbling right into Jihoon. 

As soon as you’d recognized your friend’s face, you’d thrown your arms around his neck and pulled him down into a hug as you yelled his name happily; his hands had come up to your hips and gently pushed your body away from his. Then, he’d said the words you always hated to hear at a party.

“But we just got here!” you cried, the same answer you always gave him when he wanted to leave. You started walking away from him and back into the kitchen for more alcohol. He sighed but was quick to follow you.

“We got here three hours ago. Plus we did pres at Yoshi’s place. You’ve had way more than enough to drink,” he said, snatching a cup you’d just filled with punch from your hands.

“I was gonna drink that!” you complained, leaning against the counter for support. 

Jihoon took in your swaying body and your dazed eyes and knew he had to get you home. Any more alcohol and you’d pass out in this stranger’s apartment. Usually, he’d let you drink to your heart’s content and just make sure you got home safe afterwards, but midterms were coming up, and you’d planned on studying the next day - he was just trying to minimize the severity of your hangover. 

You mustered your most pitiful expression - to drunk you, there was no way Jihoon could resist your pouty lips and sad eyes. “Do we really have to go?” you asked, and Jihoon had to read your lips because of the loud music. 

He smirked, seeing right through your little act. He bent his upper body so that his lips were right next to your ear. “You’ll thank me tomorrow,” he replied, making you drop your fake sad expression.

“I should go say bye to Minjeong and the others first.”

“I’ve already told them we were leaving.”

You rolled his eyes at him and his stupid smile and lifted yourself from the counter, immediately losing your balance. Maybe you had drunk too much. At least Jihoon was there to catch you and prevent you from falling. He tried to put his arm around your shoulder to support you but you stepped away from him and fixed him a pointed look.

“I can still walk, you know.”

Jihoon smiled but said nothing, gesturing at you to go on and walk. You turned around and started making your way out of the place, ignoring Jihoon’s snickers as you bumped into various party-goers and pieces of furniture.  

When you reached the front door, you decided that actually, no, you couldn’t walk. Sliding against the wall, you let yourself drop into a crouching position. Your head suddenly felt like it was twice its normal weight and you regretted those last few shots of whatever it was you had drunk.

Jihoon sighed as he lowered himself and grabbed you under your armpits to lift you up. He had never been more thankful for an elevator and a bus stop only a minute’s walk away from where you were. Standing under bright lights in a desert and quiet street, it appeared like an oasis to Jihoon. Whoever’s party this had been, they lived in a really calm part of town. At this time on a Friday night, Jihoon’s street would be teeming with drunk students deciding which bar or club they should head to next.

You had never been more thankful for a bus stop with seats. You plopped yourself down on one of them, resting your head on the glass behind you and tightening your jacket around your shoulders. You closed your eyes, deciding this was the perfect time for a nap. 

“Are you cold?” Jihoon asked, his voice keeping you from nodding off. You let out a non-committal hum in response which he wasn’t sure how to interpret. He chuckled and you heard a rustling sound before feeling an added weight on top of your body. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he murmured, then sat by your side.

Next thing you knew, Jihoon was making you stand again, and your feet moved of their own accord as he led you inside the bus. As soon as you were seated, you drifted back off to sleep. You jolted awake when your head drooped over, making you feel like you were falling. You sat up straight and looked around the empty bus, frantically asking Jihoon where you were.

“I’m taking you home,” he answered, laughter clear in his voice.

“Oh, okay,” you mumbled, and closed your eyes once more, falling back asleep in a matter of seconds. 

Jihoon watched with a tender smile as your mouth opened slightly and let soft snores escape it. Scooting closer to you, he placed his palm on your cheek and pulled your head towards his shoulder so it could rest there.

“Why do you drink so much if you can’t handle it?” he asked quietly, even though he knew you were already in dreamland.

--

When you opened your eyes the next morning, you felt like a kid who had fallen asleep in the car on the way home from a distant relative's wedding and mysteriously woken up in their bed. You stretched out your limbs, enjoying the softness and warmth of your sheets covering your body until a headache and pasty mouth hit you like a ton of bricks. It felt like the alcohol had made your brain shrivel inside of your skull - your whole body was screaming for water. 

Some kind of miracle had made a large glass of water appear on your bedside table, and you gulped it down in mere seconds. The hour on your phone read 10:24 a.m. - so much for getting up early and going to study at the library. 

You’d have rather stayed curled up under your blankets and slept the rest of your hangover off, but some rustling noises from the kitchen (and an intense need to pee) forced you out of the comfort of your bed. You stumbled into the kitchen to find Jihoon placing a pancake atop an already dangerously high stack. 

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” he greeted you, glancing at you with a smirk on his face as you made your way towards him. You stood behind him and rested your forehead at the base of his neck, as if catching a few last seconds of sleep. 

The feeling of your hair against his skin sent shivers down his spine and he hoped his shaky intake of breath had gone unnoticed by you. His pancake was ready and he had to put it on the plate behind him, but as if a cat had fallen asleep in his lap, he couldn’t get himself to move. This was a moment he wanted to cherish - although you never particularly kept your distance from him, he was still always greedy for more of your touch.

“Hey, Hoonie,” you replied in a groggy voice. “Thank you for breakfast,” you said, moving to rest your lower back against the counter next to the stove. He missed you immediately. “And sorry for being a nuisance last night.”

Jihoon smiled at you as he turned to place the pancake on the stack. Then he leaned in slightly and you made sure not to breathe through your mouth so he wouldn’t smell your morning breath. 

“You always apologize, and yet who’s dragging you home every single weekend?” he asked with an amused grin that let you know he wasn’t actually bothered by it.

He turned back to his pan and ladled more batter into it, forming a perfectly circular pancake. “Sorry,” you repeated guiltily.

He shook his head. “I’d rather be there and make sure you get home safe. And it’s not like I don’t have fun at those parties.” 

A small smile on your lips, you nodded and let his words assuage your guilt. “I’ll make coffee as a token of my gratitude.”

“How kind of you,” Jihoon teased, beaming. 

No matter how many times Jihoon reassured you, you still felt bad that he thought it his obligation to do those things for you.

Although you’d only grown closer at the beginning of your first year of university, now six months ago, you and Jihoon had known each other since you were thirteen, and he fourteen. You still remembered his braces, wide boba eyes and round cheeks from your teenage years - when you saw him again five years later, you couldn’t deny your surprise at his much… manlier appearance. Sharper jaw, broader shoulders, taller figure, deeper voice - it was hard to recognize the Jihoon you’d known and the Jihoon in front of you as the same person.

His parents’ job made their family move around a lot - your town had been their fifth home since Jihoon’s birth already. The year and a half they stayed went by far too quickly, and before you knew it, you already had to say goodbye. Jihoon and Junkyu had grown really close in that year, and since you were always in your older brother’s business at that time, you’d developed a liking for your brother’s best friend, too. You liked the way he’d ruffle your hair whenever he came over to your house, the way he remembered strawberry milk was your favorite, and the way he’d wave at you in the school hallways, effectively making you cooler than all of your friends for knowing someone who was in the year above. At the time, you hadn’t known if what you felt for him could be described as a crush - all you knew was that for the rest of high school, you missed him. 

When you found out that he had not only come back to South Korea to study, but that he was attending the university of your dreams, you couldn't have been more excited. But you chalked it up to the relief of knowing someone in an otherwise unfamiliar place.

Jihoon had been even more welcoming than you’d expected. He had come to get you at the airport with a big, colorful Welcome Y/N banner, helped you move into your dorm and treated you to a meal the night you arrived in town. Over the following weeks, he’d introduced you to his friends, showed you around campus, and kept inviting you out “so you would know where the good spots were.”

Thanks to him, settling in had been a much less stressful and emotionally exhausting process than you’d expected. But no matter how grateful you were, you couldn’t help but wonder why he was going to these lengths to welcome you. 

Somewhere in the town center, there was a square that was extremely popular among skaters for a reason beyond your understanding. But at almost any time of the day and night, you could find people practicing their skating there. You’d just left a bar nearby with Minjeong, Jihoon and his friends, and to an intoxicated you, skating, something you had never attempted before, seemed like the thing to try out right then and there. You ran up to the first skater you found and asked him if he could show you how to ride.

Minjeong had run after you, finding a skater of her own while Jihoon’s friends either watched or talked about something else amongst themselves. Of course, the inevitable happened, and as soon as the skater let you try skating on your own, you’d fallen on your hands and knees. In a flash, Jihoon had been by your side, frantically asking if you were okay and making you show him your palms. They were only grazed, and one of your knees was bleeding very faintly, but Jihoon acted like you’d just broken something. He got you to get on his back so he could carry you to the nearest pharmacy, leaving his friends and Minjeong to wonder what the hell was going on. You tried telling him you were okay and could walk on your own just fine, but he wouldn’t listen. 

He’d sat you on the curb in front of the all-night pharmacy and asked you to wait as he got disinfectant and bandages. You watched his face closely as he rubbed medical alcohol on your wounds. A crease had plagued his eyebrows ever since you fell, and he would not stop mumbling something about you needing to be more careful and you’re lucky you didn’t get hurt badly.

You hadn’t realized you were crying until one of your tears fell on Jihoon’s hand, hot against his skin, and he looked up at you with worry, any of his previous frustration with you wiped from his expression.

“Y/N? Why are you crying?” he’d asked, voice soft, as if trying not to scare you.

You sniffled. “Why are you so nice to me?”

His eyes softened and a small smile grew on his lips. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

You couldn’t bring yourself to mirror his smile, and the more you cried, the sadder you felt. Inexplicably, your tears just fell and fell and fell. Under the bright white lights of the pharmacy, in the cold of a particularly chilly September night, Jihoon wrapped an arm around you and let you cry on his shoulder. He didn’t ask any further questions, just waited for you to calm down as he rubbed a hand up and down your back and whispered in your ear that it was okay.

When you thought back on it now, you knew that it had just been the alcohol making you unreasonably emotional - you weren’t actually sad about Jihoon looking after you, if anything, it made you happy. But once you’d started crying, you couldn’t stop.

“I’m just looking out for you,” he’d said once your sniffling had somewhat lessened. You’d leaned back to look at him. 

“But why?” you’d whined.

Your frown had deepened as his smile had widened. “Because we’re friends.”

“Is that it?” 

“Well, Junkyu also asked me to look after you,” he admitted sheepishly. 

You gasped in affront. “He what?!”

“Y/N-”

“So he’s been forcing you to do all of this?” you asked, voice breaking at the end. Your anger had lasted two seconds - you’d gone back to being sad at the thought of Jihoon only being nice to you because your stupid big brother had asked him to.

“No, no, it’s not like that, listen to me-”

“I can’t believe the two of you! I’m not a child-”

“Nobody said you were-”

“So you don’t actually even care-”

“I do!” Jihoon had exclaimed, louder than you’d expected, and it shut you up. “I do,” he repeated, voice softer. His hands were still on your upper arms, and he leaned in closer. “You’re his little sister. Of course he was worried about you leaving home. He just asked me to make sure you don’t get into too much trouble,” he explained, lightly tapping the tip of your nose with his finger. 

He sighed, smiling as he watched you try to keep an upset expression on your face. He took the bandages out of the pack he’d just bought and stuck them with caution on your wounds. “But I wouldn’t be doing all of this if I didn’t care, Y/N.” When your eyes met again, you hadn’t known what to make of the look in his. “I missed you, you know.”

Just like that, the ducts behind your eyes filled up again, and large, hot tears streamed down your face as you rested your forehead against Jihoon’s shoulders again. He chuckled at your dramatics but placed a reassuring hand against your hair. “I missed you, too,” you replied between broken sobs.

He’d texted his friends to take Minjeong with them and go on without the two of you, then carried you back to his apartment, which was thankfully only a five-minute walk away. 

Ever since that night, you and Jihoon had been inseparable. He continued checking on you consistently, bringing you food and coffee without you even asking and, of course, getting you home safe from nights out. 

You were thankful to have a friend like him.

“Pancakes?!” your flatmate exclaimed as soon as she walked through the door, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Hey, Minjeong,” you and Jihoon greeted in unison. 

She was wearing her clothes from last night and her hair was a mess, but she had a bright expression on her face (despite the faint mascara stains underneath her eyes). You narrowed your eyes at her but she made a beeline for the food, completely ignoring you.

“Hot,” she mumbled as she held a pancake between her fingers, but threw a piece in her mouth anyway. “You’re so lucky to have a boyfriend like him, Y/N,” she said around her food.

“Isn’t she?” Jihoon replied before you could say anything.

You rolled your eyes at the pair in front of you and poured a cup of coffee for Minjeong. She referred to Jihoon as your boyfriend so often that you didn’t bother to correct her anymore. “Not my boyfriend. And even so, he’s more like a bodyguard than anything.”

“Being a bodyguard is just one of the many duties of being a boyfriend,” Minjeong declared, easily ignoring you. “Don’t you agree, Jihoon?”

He nodded, a serious look on his face. “Absolutely. I take what I do very seriously.” When his eyes found yours, he shot you a wink. Your frown deepened. 

“Anyway, care to share why you’re coming home so late?”

A blush creeped on Minjeong’s cheeks. “Well, Yoshi’s place is quite a ways from here…” she murmured, looking down at her half-eaten pancake. 

“Called it!” you yelled, just as Jihoon let out a loud “no” of shock and defeat.

“Next takeaway is on you,” you told Jihoon with a proud smile. In a mature response, he stuck his tongue out at you.

Minjeong frowned at both of you. “You guys bet on this?” she asked, vexed. Jihoon exchanged a look, glanced back at her, and shrugged. “Not cool. I didn’t even know something would happen with him. How did you guess?”

You smiled. “You always go for the cute ones.”

She hummed in agreement, her expression almost a pained one. “He’s just the cutest little thing ever, I couldn’t help myself.” She took a sip of her coffee, cringing at the bitter taste before getting up to fetch sugar and milk.

You sighed at your friend. “You’re gonna break that poor boy’s heart.” You knew Minjeong wasn’t to blame for the boys that got attached to her when she made it clear she wasn’t looking for a relationship - but if it happened to Yoshi, you’d feel guilty. You’d met him in a tutorial for one of your Digital Media courses and he seemed like he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’d invited you to do pres at his place, and you’d dragged Minjeong and Jihoon along, so they’d met through you. In a way, if Yoshi fell for Minjeong and got hurt, it’d be your fault.

“I told him I didn’t want anything serious,” she said, pouring as much milk as there was coffee in her mug.

“He doesn’t seem like the type to do casual stuff,” Jihoon chimed in as he placed the last pancake on top of the stack. But it was one pancake too many, and the whole stack fell over. Jihoon wasn’t rattled - he placed a few on his plate then rebuilt the stack.

Minjeong ate her last bite of pancake and got up from the stool. “Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“We? This is your problem, babe,” you said.

Minjeong smiled at you, eyes crinkling as she pressed a wet kiss to your cheek. You were sure there was some pancake left on her lips. “You’re such a good friend, Y/N,” she said, making you laugh. Of course you’d help Minjeong if she needed - but you were starting to feel bad for all the hearts she kept breaking. “I’m going back to bed,” she announced. Then, she put her hand next to her mouth as if telling you a secret, but spoke loud enough for Jihoon to hear anyway: “I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, is all I’ll say.”

Jihoon choked on his food and you let out a groan of disgust, but you both burst into laughter anyway. “I want details later!” you called out.

“You won’t be disappointed,” she said between giggles as she closed her bedroom door behind her. 

Just then, your phone buzzed with an incoming video call, Junkyu’s face taking up your screen. “Hey, ugly face,” you greeted, propping your phone up against the milk bottle.

“Hey, stink.”

“Hey, Kyu!” Jihoon called out and took a seat close next to you - you knew he was just trying to squeeze into frame, but the sudden proximity still made your breath catch in your throat for a second.

Your brother’s eyes narrowed. “What are the two of you doing together on a Sunday morning?”

You looked at Jihoon, then back at your screen. “Is there something wrong with Sunday mornings?”

“Not inherently, no…” your brother conceded. “But still.”

You rolled your eyes at him and his meaningless suspiciousness. “We just went to a party together last night and he crashed here afterwards.”

“She was so wasted I had to bring her home. And I made pancakes this morning.”

“Y/N, if you don’t marry this guy, I will,” Junkyu said with all the seriousness in the world, and Jihoon made a kissy face at him.

“What’s up with everyone today?” you sighed. “I’m going to shower. You two have fun.” You knew your brother probably didn’t have much to tell you anyway - he liked calling you for no other reason than to bother you. 

“Oh, we will,” Jihoon said with a suggestive tone, and you made a vomiting noise before disappearing into the bathroom. 

“When I told you to look after her, I just meant to make sure she doesn’t drink too much or get involved with weirdos. I didn’t mean to make her pancakes on Sunday mornings,” Junkyu teased, a knowing smile on his face. 

Jihoon looked down at his place, a small smile growing on his lips as well. “I know, but I like doing those things for her.”

Junkyu let out an odd noise, half out of disgust and half out of annoyance. “I can’t believe you. Just ask her out, already.”

“So you don’t like me at her place on a Sunday morning, but you want me to ask her out?”

Junkyu rolled his eyes (Jihoon thought this was a family trait, at this point). “I’m trying to help you out here, buddy. I know she’s my little sister, but you’re also my best friend,” he started, ignoring Jihoon’s aww, “and I don’t know how much longer I can stand you being in love with her but not making a move.” He paused to sigh. “I know you’re a good guy, so you have my approval, or whatever.”

Jihoon smiled somewhat sadly, picking at his food with his fork. “I appreciate it, Kyu, but I really don’t think she feels the same way.”

“How do you know that? Have you asked her?” Junkyu asked, not even trying to hide his impatience.

“No, but-”

“Do I need to do it for you? Do you want to hide behind my back while I tell my little sister, hey, my friend here has something he wants to tell you? Hey, my friend thinks you’re pretty, do you want to talk to him? Are you a big baby who can’t do anything, Park Jihoon?”

“No, I just-”

“You know, if this were a k-drama and you were the main lead, everybody would get Second Lead Syndrome. Me included. You suck.”

“Supportive as ever, Kyu,” Jihoon said, sighing.

“If you don’t ask her, you’re a bitch. I’m hanging up now,” Junkyu said before Jihoon could get another word in. He just shook his head, chuckling as he dug into his pancakes again.

The two of them had had this conversation about a thousand times, and they always came to the same conclusion: Junkyu thought Jihoon should confess his feelings to you, and Jihoon dismissed the idea, knowing he’d never have the guts to do it. To him, making jokes about being your boyfriend and relentlessly flirting with you was sign enough of his affection for you - you just needed to figure out that he wasn’t actually kidding at all. He was already doing half of the work for you, really. 

An hour later, the two of you were sitting on the fifth floor of the library, where nobody ever dared to venture because of its dark corners and maze-like rows of bookshelves. It creeped Jihoon out, but it was your favorite place to study, so on days he couldn’t convince you to go to a nicer spot, he sucked it up and followed you to the table you liked by a window that overlooked the park next to the campus. The window let some light in, but to get there, you had to go through dim hallways that looked like they hadn’t seen a human soul in years. Jihoon didn’t know how you’d found out about it in the first place. It felt like something a fourth-year would keep as a secret, not something a first-year would have discovered in her first months of attending uni.

As he observed your sleeping figure, Jihoon couldn’t help but feel slightly annoyed. You’d gotten about twenty minutes of work done before resting your head atop your crossed arms, claiming you would just take a “power nap.” He couldn’t believe you’d emotionally manipulated him (pouted up at him and gave him puppy eyes - with that look on your face, Jihoon would agree to murdering someone for you) into going to this creepy part of the library only to sleep almost immediately after getting there. 

He bent down onto his arms, mirroring your position, and let himself have this moment. Even though he saw you all the time, it wasn’t often that he could shamelessly stare at you and get away with it.

He watched as your shoulders rose and fell to the consistent rhythm of your breathing, as the sunlight pouring in from the window made your eyelashes cast shadows against your cheeks. You looked so peaceful that any trace of his irritation towards you vanished. It wasn’t like he could ever really be mad at you.

Jihoon loved how little you had changed in the years you’d been apart. Of course, you’d grown into your features and didn’t quite look like the thirteen-year-old version of you he’d known, but still, you had the same face and same habits he’d fallen in love with in the first place. 

He still remembered the way his heart had swelled when he’d found your face amongst the crowd at the airport, how his whole body had buzzed with excitement at the idea of finally seeing you again after all these years. When you’d received your admission email from your university, the first thing Junkyu had told Jihoon was that he’d better look after you. It wasn’t like he didn’t think you couldn’t handle yourself, but it reassured him, knowing someone he trusted so much would be there to help you adjust to university life, since he couldn’t do it himself. 

Jihoon had taken this seriously. Junkyu hadn’t given him any sort of instructions - the picking you up at the airport, introducing you to his friends, making sure you were well-fed and well-caffeinated, that was all him. At first, he tried convincing himself that he was doing this in an old friend, big brother fashion - he knew how close you and Junkyu were, so he fancied himself a sort of Junkyu 2.0 for you to rely on. 

It had been when he saw your red, puffy eyes, trembling lips and tear-stained cheeks that he realized his old feelings had resurfaced. After all, don’t they say you never really forget your first love?

Truth be told, that whole night had been a dead giveaway. From the moment you met up at the bar to his little nurse moment in front of the pharmacy, his heart had not stopped racing. He kept checking on you, making sure you were having fun and handling your alcohol, and stuck by your side the whole time, like a bee to a flower. 

He remembered standing arms crossed over his chest and observing you with narrowed eyes as you tried out skating. He was telling himself he was just watching in case you got hurt, but he couldn’t ignore the way his stomach twisted with a hot, unpleasant emotion as the skater guided you, hands on your waist. He didn’t like that you held that stranger by his shoulders, relying on him and not Jihoon for support, or that you laughed together like you’d been friends for years. Jihoon was your long-time friend, not this random long-haired, baggy-shirted, vans-wearing loser skater that probably had a name like Mark or something.

When you’d fallen from that skateboard, his heart had dropped in his stomach. He’d been sick with worry that you’d gotten badly hurt, and even upon seeing your barely-grazed palms and knees, he hadn’t been reassured. 

Seeing you cry had made him panic like crazy. He tried his best to comfort you, but had no idea whether he was doing a good job. For days after that night, he’d replayed the conversation the two of you had under the lights of the pharmacy. 

“Why are you so nice to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I’m just looking out for you.”

“But why?”

“Because we’re friends.”

“Is that it?” 

Jihoon hadn’t known whether you meant, is that the only reason, or, are we only friends? But he’d thought the second question was wishful thinking on his part. So he told you about the promise he’d made to Junkyu, and that had somehow made you even more upset. Even though he hadn’t said it outright, he’d thought he had made it clear that he wasn’t only doing this because Junkyu had told him to - he also wanted to be there for you. He did care, more than he wanted to admit. 

Over time, his feelings for you had grown far bigger than simple teenage nostalgia - he loved your present self impossibly more than fourteen-year-old Jihoon had loved thirteen-year-old you. He thought he made it obvious - he always made sure to compliment you, remembered your coffee order and favorite dishes from your favorite restaurants, rushed to your side whenever you needed him, and did everything he could think of to support you. Sure, he relentlessly teased you as well, but that was just Jihoon.

If you noticed him, you didn’t show it. He wasn’t sure whether you genuinely didn’t know he wanted you as more than a friend or were playing dumb, but he knew you saw him as something like a second older brother. But Jihoon had come to terms with that - he’d rather be in your life as a friend than not at all.

This was why he was grateful for moments like these, when he could just look at you without you knowing. 

After five minutes, Jihoon quietly got up and bravely made his way through the dark hallways and back outside to get you a drink - in case you woke up grumpy from your nap, he knew a matcha latte would appease you. He almost got lost on his way back, but when he found your table again, you were still sleeping. He couldn’t help himself - before rousing you, he snapped a quick picture of your sleeping face, making sure to get the drool pooling at the corner of your lips in frame. The photo went into his Y/N folder, full of pictures and videos he’d both secretly and not-so-secretly taken of you, which, no, wasn’t creepy at all, thank you very much.

When he pressed one drink to your cheek and the other to your forehead, you woke up with a gasp, then immediately winced at the pain in the side of your neck from the uncomfortable sleeping position.

“I wasn’t sure whether you’d want a hot one or an iced one, so I just got both.”

“Ooh, iced, please,” you said. “Thanks, Hoonie.” But before you could grab the drink, he snatched it away.

“No drinking until you get at least one thing done,” he said, a satisfied smirk on his lips.

You frowned. “But the ice will melt and it’ll taste all watery.”

Jihoon didn’t want to give in so easily. 

“Hm?” you hummed, tilting your head at him.

Jihoon gave in, handing you your drink with a tut. Seeing your excited grin and hearing your sigh of contentment after taking a sip made it worth it. 

About two (surprisingly productive) hours later, your stomach started demanding nourishment, and who were you to deny it? Your hangover was strong that day, and even the pancakes and coffee hadn’t completely rid your mouth of its sour taste. You needed something salty and greasy, so you pitched going to the fried chicken place a few blocks down to Jihoon, who agreed immediately.

On the way there, you tried to recollect some moments from the party yesterday, but quickly realized that not much was coming to mind. Pre-drinks at Yoshi’s were clear in your head, and so was walking to the other party - but the better part of your memories after that were fuzzy or non-existent. 

“Hoonie?” you suddenly asked.

“Hm?”

“Did I do anything embarrassing last night?”

Jihoon chuckled. “Not more than usual.”

You groaned and pushed his shoulder, making him laugh even more. “I mean, you just kinda danced like crazy and talked to absolutely anyone. At some point you were gone for like twenty-five minutes, and I found you in the bathroom taking selfies with girls I’d never seen before in my life.”

You pulled out your phone and checked your gallery - indeed, there were about fifty pictures of you and some random girls. “Who are they?” you asked, more to yourself than to Jihoon, in disbelief at how comfortable last-night-you looked with these strangers. “They seem nice enough, I guess.” You laughed with Jihoon before sighing. “Well, that’s not too bad. I’ve done worse things.”

Jihoon made a face as if to say, Yeah, I know, and you rolled your eyes at him. You returned your gaze to the path in front of you, but if you’d kept on looking at Jihoon, you’d have noticed the smirk growing on his lips as a joke formed in his head. After some time, with a shit-eating grin on his face, he broke the silence. “Oh, well, there was also that moment when you confessed your undying love for me, tears streaming down your face, begging on your knees, all the works. That was pretty embarrassing. But I get it.”

It was so ridiculous that you couldn’t help yourself from laughing as you slapped his shoulder. “You wish,” you said between giggles.

I do wish, he immediately thought, but kept it to himself. He laughed instead and could only hope his real thoughts weren’t so obvious. 

--

Two things happened in the fried chicken shop restaurant.

Well, three, if you counted their promotion on their chicken rice cake coleslaw menu, which was your favorite and which Jihoon always chided you for ordering (“Anyone who likes coleslaw is not human”), but in the grand scheme of things, that wasn’t so important.

First, your mom called. Now, this wasn’t anything huge in itself, but it was Jihoon’s behavior that got to you.

You had gotten maybe five words before he snatched the phone from you and lifted it to his ear. “Hi, Mrs Kim!”

You heard a faint but enthusiastic “Hi, Jihoon!” on the other side of the line. They made small talk for a bit, and you couldn’t believe your mom could have forgotten about her only daughter so quickly. You’d dived back into your fried chicken, pretending you didn’t care about whatever it was they were talking so energetically about, until you heard your name on the other end.

Your and Jihoon’s eyes met. A mischievous smile spread across his lips and your gaze hardened. “Yes, well, you know her, she’s a bit of a nuisance, but I’m keeping her out of trouble and all that. I saved her from joining a cult the other day,” he said, and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Oh dear!” you heard your mother exclaim.

“You didn’t save me from anything, I knew what that woman was up to.”

You’d been waiting for Jihoon outside of the movie theater when an older woman approached you. She seemed friendly enough, and you thought she was just a lonely grandma in need of a nice discussion - which it was at first, until it veered towards religion. Next thing you knew, she was telling you stories about the upcoming end of the world and how we had to beg for salvation. You didn’t believe any of it, but you found it captivating, so you stood there listening to her and egging her on until Jihoon showed up and forced you out of there. You thought it’d have been funny if he’d listened along, but knowing Jihoon, a small part of him might have actually believed her and started freaking out.

“I didn’t know you and my mom were so chummy,” you said when the phone call was over. She hadn’t even asked to talk to you again.

“Your mom’s awesome. I can’t believe such a lovely woman gave birth to two gremlins like you and Junkyu. Are you sure you’re not adopted?”

It had seemed like nothing at the time, but when you played the scene over again in your mind that night as you lay in bed, the fact that Jihoon got along with your family filled your heart with an unexpected warmth. It was almost like he was part of the family himself - not in a third child way, but more in a if you brought him home to your family, he’d fit right in, a thought that had made you panic as soon as it’d appeared in your mind. Because why were you thinking of bringing Jihoon home? Why did it make you so happy, knowing he’d be welcomed with open arms?

You shook your head against your pillow, hoping it’d make those thoughts vanish. You reassured yourself by telling yourself that you’d be just as happy bringing a friend like Minjeong home, and that you were sure she’d get along just fine with your brothers and parents. 

The other sign had been much more straightforward. You weren’t afraid to eat messily in front of Jihoon, so some honey barbecue sauce had spread over the corner of your lips as you wolfed down one of the wings. As soon as Jihoon started to lean in across the table, you knew you were in trouble.

Not only did he wipe the sauce off your lips with his thumb, but he licked it off of his finger, never breaking eye contact throughout the whole ordeal. Your whole body tensed and you swear you stopped breathing for a second. 

It only really lasted maybe five seconds, but felt like hours to you. You glared at him for a bit before diving back into your chicken, hoping you didn’t look as flustered as you felt. But Jihoon and his stupid, proud smirk probably knew what he’d done to you. As if that wasn’t enough already, he even had the audacity to whisper cute under his breath. Your eyes snapped back up to his face, but he just smiled and nodded towards your food, telling you to keep eating. 

Over the next week, the word cute refused to leave your mind. You kept replaying that scene over and over - the feeling of Jihoon’s thumb on your lips, the sight of his own lips around his thumb, his gaze through it all. It wasn’t the first time such thoughts of Jihoon plagued you - once, he’d guided you through a crowded club with a hand on your lower back and the way the warmth of his hand against you had made you feel prompted you to ignore him for the rest of the night. Another time, he’d kissed you on the forehead after dropping you off at your apartment and you hadn’t been able to look him in the eyes for the following week. 

You took the small but meaningful events of that day as your second sign of your new odd feelings directed towards your best friend, feelings that you didn’t know how to name just yet.

--

Crazy rich Yoon Jaehyuk was having a pool party at his house, and basically everyone was invited. If you knew about the party, you could go - all Jaehyuk had to do was to tell maybe ten people and let them spread the word. As his partner for an English Linguistics class you had together that semester, you were one of those privileged people who’d known firsthand about the event and had made sure to tell everyone you knew to come. You shouldn’t have been so surprised to find what must’ve already been a hundred people on the front lawn, inside the house and around the pool when you showed up with Jihoon and the rest of your friends there.

Coincidentally, this was when the third sign occurred. Third time’s a charm, as they say, and the events of that night and those following cemented your growing hunch that something really was up.

Pre-drinks at yours and Minjeong’s place had already taken quite a toll on you. Jaehyuk lived at the edge of town, quite a ways from your flat, but the vodka cranberry you’d snuck in on the bus prevented you from sobering up during the long ride. When your group arrived at the party, both you and Minjeong were ready to dance. But before you could rush to wherever the dancefloor was, Jihoon caught you by the wrist, effectively stopping you in your tracks. Your eyes went from his fingers around your wrist to his smiling face, a surprised look on your own. 

“We’re gonna head directly to the pool. Don’t drink too much, okay?”

Your lips blossomed with a smile. Typical Jihoon. “Okay.”

The alcohol probably had something to do with it, but a surge of affection for your friend hit you and you stood on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek before taking Minjeong’s hand in yours and making a beeline in the direction of the music.

I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas was calling your name and you didn’t think to turn around to look at Jihoon, so you missed the way he watched your figure retreating into the mass of drunk students as he tried to commit the warmth of your lips against his cheek to memory.

You and Minjeong made your way to the center of the crowd, shrieking with drunken excitement when you found a group of girls from one of your shared classes there and exchanging very brief pleasantries before falling into the rhythm of one of your all-time favorite party songs. In your humble opinion, no one understood partying like The Black Eyed Peas did.

You only leave the dancefloor on one occasion, which is to take a round of vodka shots with your new best friends for the night - Jihoon had said not to drink too much, not not at all. One of the girls (Yunjin, you thought, but she showed up to class so seldom you weren’t sure) had a trick of pouring a lick of strawberry syrup before the alcohol, so that you wouldn’t be hit with the nail polish remover aftertaste of vodka. You were delighted to find it worked (almost) like magic.

It’s about an hour later when you and Minjeong reach the pool, not quite sober but more so than when you’d arrived at the party. For a pool party, there were definitely less people there than inside the house, maybe due to the fact that it was the end of February and most people didn’t want to risk getting hypothermia from the temperature difference between the heated pool and the cold outside. 

The relatively small number of people makes it easy to spot Jihoon, in nothing but his swimming trunks and a towel around his shoulders, sitting on a longchair a dozen or so meters away from you. Something about half-naked Jihoon, you’re not sure what, makes you want to walk over to him and do… you’re not sure what, but Minjeong frantically slapping your arm and whispering your name stops you from doing whatever it was you wanted to do. 

“Y/N! Y/N! Yoshi is right there,” she whisper-yelled. Indeed, Yoshi was in the pool, not far from where you stood, playing with his friends you recognized from pre-drinks at his place the other day. Minjeong’s face was redder than you’d ever seen it, and you recalled a conversation you’d had earlier that day.

“Will Yoshi be there?” Minjeong had asked, trying to sound innocent.

You’d looked at your flatmate with an incredulous look on your face. “Yes, he’ll be there, you slut. I thought you never went for a second time?”

She’d shrugged, an unusually shy smile playing on her lips as she looked down at her feet. “I don’t know, we’ll see.”

This was very unlike Minjeong - in your six months of knowing each other, it was the first time you ever saw her even consider getting with someone a second time. You didn’t know what sort of spell this Yoshi guy had cast on your friend, but it must’ve been very effective. 

“Go talk to him,” you simply said.

“What?! No way, I can’t- Oh my God, he’s looking at us,” she said, words rushing out of her mouth, “he’s looking right at us, isn’t he?”

You just laughed at your friend and waved at Yoshi who was already waddling towards your edge of the pool. “Hey, Yoshi!” you called excitedly. At the sound of your voice, Jihoon’s head snapped towards you. He wasted no time in yelling your name, motioning for you to come over, so you gestured back that you’d be there in a minute. 

“Hey, Y/N!” Yoshi called back with the same tone. “Hey, Minjeong,” he added, tone somewhat quiet, but the blush that grew on his cheeks told you you weren’t the one he was most happy to see. 

“Hey, Yoshi,” she said so quietly, you weren’t sure the boy could even hear her.

“Nice to see you guys here,” he said, talking to you but glancing nervously at Minjeong. 

“You too!” you replied, and before he could add anything, you placed a hand on your friend’s shoulder. “Well, I’m sure the two of you have a lot to talk about. See you later!”

You grinned innocently at Minjeong as she called your name, eyes wide in panic. She was a big girl, and Yoshi was clearly into her - she could handle herself. Jihoon eyed you amusedly as you made your way towards him.

“Are you setting them up?” he asked when you were within earshot of him.

“I’d be a bad friend if I didn’t at least try. I’ve never seen Minjeong blush over a guy, so this must be serious.”

A few of Jihoon’s friends were hanging out next to him, people that you knew from the many parties you attended together but that you rarely saw outside of drinking contexts. You waved at them before sitting on the deckchair next to Jihoon’s. He pivoted in his seat to face you, seemingly not minding that he’d just turned his back to his friends, then scooched his chair closer to yours so that your knees touched. You rested your palms next to your thighs and kept your gaze down. Something about Jihoon kept you from meeting his eyes, tonight. Maybe it was the half-nakedness.

Jihoon eyed you for a little bit, wondering what was making you so unusually quiet, before looking behind his shoulder to check whether Minjeong had been able to make progress on her own.

“Looks like it’s going well,” he assessed.

You followed his gaze to find Minjeong sitting at the edge of the pool and kicking her legs in the water while Yoshi stood next to her, water up to his belly button. You smiled as they giggled and splashed each other - it was going well, indeed. 

“Have you been in the pool yet?” you asked, shifting your gaze to the party-goers playing in the water. The echoes of people talking and water splashing were quite loud, but Jihoon was so close that you didn’t need to raise your voice too much. 

“No, I just took my shirt off for the hell of it.” 

You had meant to bring your eyes up to his face, you really had - but somewhere on the way, they stopped on his abs, and got stuck there. It was probably a full five seconds before you could look away from the well-defined muscles on his stomach and finally meet his eyes. He didn’t need to say anything - the smirk playing on his lips and the slight surprise in the raise of his brows were enough to tell you he had not missed your stare. 

You looked back to the pool, eyebrows slightly creased in shame at having been so obvious. Thankfully, you had brought a drink with you and took a swig of it there. “I wouldn’t put it past you.”

You were trying to ignore the way Jihoon’s eyes burned into the side of your face, the way they followed your every move, but with each passing second, you felt more conscious of them. Not unlike one would try to escape a wasp, you thought that going into the pool might tear Jihoon’s eyes away from you at least for a little bit. It’s not that his gaze made you uncomfortable, like that of a random old man in the street would, but it definitely made you feel… things. Things that you didn’t necessarily want to dive into. 

The problem was that, to go into the pool, you’d need to get into your swimsuit. You’d thought ahead and had come already clad into your bikini underneath your clothes, a black, strapless tube dress that was easy to take off so you could jump into the pool at any time. But getting rid of that dress right in front of Jihoon and his watchful eyes was more nerve-wracking than you’d imagined. 

You downed the rest of your cup for some liquid courage and shot up from your seat, releasing a deep breath as you did so. You thought it was better to just get it over with than make it last any longer than it needed to. Jihoon’s eyes glinted with amusement as they followed your every move.

“Let’s go back in.” 

Your plan had been to lift your dress off of your body and head straight to the pool, but Jihoon’s gaze made you freeze in place after stripping. You couldn’t quite describe it as lustful, or as hungry, because there was a hint of surprise there that softened it. It was like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing and loving it at the same time, if the slowly growing smirk on his lips was anything to go by. Your whole body felt like it was on fire, a fire that made your knees turn to jelly and that rendered you close to breathless.

You let his curious eyes travel your body for a few seconds before clearing your throat. “Do you want a picture or something?” you asked ironically, hoping your voice didn’t sound as shaky as you felt.

His smirk only widened. “No need. The real thing is so much better.”

You tried not to cower under his shameless gaze, instead stood up straighter and stared right back at him. “My eyes are up here, you know.”

“I know,” he replied, but his eyes stayed trained on your body. You watched as they slowly made their way up your legs, took in your stomach and waist, then paused on your chest, which was quickly falling and rising with your shallow breathing. It was only when you scoffed and crossed your arms that he looked at your face.

Still that lopsided smirk on his lips, he stood up and languidly made his way towards you. He came so close that you had to slightly crane your neck to meet his gaze.

Your heart raced as he let a few seconds of silence stretch between the two of you, keeping his eyes locked in yours. “Nice eyes,” he murmured after a pause, the sudden depth of his voice sending a shiver down your spine.

After six months of seeing him almost every day, one would think Jihoon’s flirty personality would not have such an effect on you anymore. And most of the time, it didn’t - even back in the day, he was already fond of teasing you, so usually, him telling you how pretty you looked, patting your head or him tucking stray strands of hairs behind your ear went somewhat unnoticed by you. Or at least, it was easier not to freak out over “small” things like these.

But this was one of the times when you thought he was really pushing it, and you lost the ability to even eye-roll, which was your usual defense against his flirting attacks. You hated to admit, but you just couldn’t pretend it didn’t have an effect on you. You hated it because you knew he was just flirting as a joke, not because he was actually interested or anything of the sort, and you felt stupid that it still did something to you - although you sometimes doubted whether he really was doing it just for fun. You wanted to think he was acting the way he was on purpose, to get a reaction out of you. It’d make you feel less of a fool.

Before you’d even had time to understand the meaning behind his words, he’d already walked away from you and to the pool. When your senses had come back and you spun around, he was already inside the water. He looked like a cute wet puppy with his hair sticking out all around his head, especially when he shook it and let droplets of water fall off his hair and splash around him, and you couldn’t believe this was the same man that had essentially called your tits nice just moments prior.

The raging butterflies in your stomach were your third sign.

You must’ve stared long, because after a while, your eyes met again, and a smile reappeared on his face. An actual smile, this time, not a smirk or anything of the sort. As if nothing had just happened - as if it was absolutely natural for your best friend to practically devour you with his eyes like that. 

He waved you over and you noticed Minjeong and Yoshi were with him, seemingly waiting for you as well. When you reached the edge of the pool, someone entered the room with a platter of shots of God knows what, and you immediately reached out for one and downed it. Sambuca, you realized with relief as the sweet liquid burned its way down your throat. That way, if your body kept buzzing the way it had been around Jihoon, you could blame it on the alcohol and nothing else.

Minjeong and Yoshi were already back in their new little world, but Jihoon watched with an amused grin as you measured the temperature of the water with a foot, then, deeming it warm enough, made your way towards your friends. There, the water reached up to your shoulders, and the fact that it got up to just a little bit under Jihoon’s chest only marked your height difference further, which shouldn’t have made you as flustered as it did.

“Didn’t I tell you not to drink too much before going into the water?” Jihoon asked, laughter clear in his voice.

“How about you let me drink as much as I want, and make sure I don’t drown?” you bit back, even though you knew it wasn’t much of a comeback. You had spoken in an irritated tone that, going by the way his smile softened, Jihoon found cute.

“Okay, I will,” he said, and the sweetness in his tone only served to further unnerve you.

If he noticed your annoyance, he didn’t say anything. 

You let yourself be convinced to play a game of chicken fight against Minjeong and Yoshi, which (along with that shot of Sambuca) made your competitive streak kick in and allowed you to, at least momentarily, forget about your irritation towards your friend. The reason behind that irritation was something you didn’t even want to think about.

Somehow, you endured the prickling on your skin as Jihoon kept your thighs tightly pressed around his shoulders with two big hands. Even when he squeezed the flesh there or craned his neck to look up at you with those big, round eyes of his, you managed to not let the way your stomach flipped get to your head. 

You weren’t sure how you won all three rounds of chicken fight, if it was thanks to Jihoon’s devotion to the gym, or yours to the free weekly Sunday morning pilates class your uni gym offers. It might’ve been down to the level of complicity you and Jihoon had built over the months that Yoshi and Minjeong hadn’t reached yet (if that can even be a factor in chicken fight success) - all you know, is that you do, and that even underwater, Jihoon’s hands burn as they snake their way around your waist, and press your body flush to his in a celebratory hug.

Some time later, you sit at the edge of the pool by yourself, having been deserted by the two lovebirds who not-so-sneakily snuck away under the pretext of getting some drinks, as well as by Jihoon who was called by some friends to join him back in the pool. You were at the level of tipsiness that made you want to self-introspectively sit on your own and people-watch for a little bit.

Until someone broke your peace.

“Hey, Y/N,” you heard a vaguely familiar voice say. Before you could respond, Kim Sunwoo was sitting next to you, a bit too close in your opinion for your level of acquaintance, clad in black swimming trunks that let the band of his Calvin Klein underwear peek through. 

He wasn’t half bad-looking, you decided in that instant.

“Oh, hi, Sunwoo,” you replied, smiling as you unquestioningly accepted the drink he offered you and thanked him for it. You peered at the orange liquid and decided it was the right color for alcohol before taking a sip. It being orange vodka didn’t come as much of a surprise. “I didn’t know you knew my name,” you admitted.

You recognized Sunwoo’s face from the Introduction to Literary Theory lecture you’d had last semester, and had learned his name when the lecture had to be online due to the professor falling ill, and he was one of the few brave students who had turned his camera on. With a face like his, you understood where the confidence came from.

Then, one night out on the town with Minjeong and other friends, you’d run into him at the counter of a bar, and had exchanged a few (flirty, if you recalled correctly) words, but not your names, hence the slight confusion.

He chuckled and you watched as two deep dimples appeared on his cheeks. “I did my research before coming here. Sadly, no one knew what kind of drink you liked, so I went for something basic and prayed.”

“This is perfect,” you said, laughing.

“To be perfectly honest,” he starts after a slight pause, “I’ve seen you around campus, and we even saw each other at a bar once, didn’t we?” he asks, and grins when you nod. “I felt stupid for never asking for your name, or your number. So when I saw you sitting here, I thought it must be fate that brought me to this party.”

You had barely registered his words, let alone formed any sort of response in your mind when Jihoon suddenly appeared in front of the two of you, placing a hand right next to your thigh on the pool edge. You hadn’t noticed him swimming your way.

“Hey, Sunwoo. I see you’ve met my girlfriend,” Jihoon blatantly lies as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The shock is apparent on Sunwoo’s face, and if it wasn’t for the sweet, convincing smile Jihoon was looking at you with, you might’ve let your surprise show more.

Sunwoo didn’t know Jihoon like you did, so you didn’t know whether he noticed the tightness in his grin, the challenge in his slightly raised eyebrows, or the general way he was holding himself that screamed Leave. But he must’ve noticed something, because it only took him a few seconds to start nodding slowly and rise from his seat.

For some reason, you stayed quiet, letting the word girlfriend and the way it had rolled off Jihoon’s tongue so easily repeat over and over again in your head. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he had said it so convincingly that you almost questioned whether you actually were Jihoon’s girlfriend. Before you could think any more about it, however, Sunwoo broke the increasingly tense silence.

“My bad, man, I didn’t know she was taken. I’ll leave you two to it, then,” he said with a smile, and that was that. 

You watched his retreating figure for a bit, eyebrows creased in confusion, before snapping your head towards Jihoon. Head tilted, he was fixing you with a questioning look, as if to ask, What are you up to?, when he was the one that had just acted strangely.

“What was that all about?” you asked.

Jihoon shrugged. “I chased him away for you. I’ve only heard bad stuff about that guy, like he sleeps with a new girl every weekend and doesn’t treat them right.”

You thought for a second, bottom lip slightly jutting out in concentration. “Well, couldn’t you have told me about his reputation then let me make the decision for myself?”

“I-” Jihoon started but stopped himself. He seemed to mull over your words for a bit, then sighed. “You’re right, I guess I could have, but you’ve been drinking, who knows if you would’ve made the right decision?”

This made you furrow your brows. “So what if I did? Getting drunk and going home with a rando is not unheard of, I would’ve been fine. Just maybe ashamed tomorrow morning.”

A flash of annoyance swept across Jihoon’s features, and your curiosity couldn’t help but be piqued. The two of you had had your fair share of aimless arguments over the months, but he’d never actually gotten cross with you. For some reason, you were suddenly itching to know what angry Jihoon was like.

“I wouldn’t be fine with it, though. I’d hate knowing that I let you go home with a prick like that.”

This wasn’t the first time Jihoon had fended off guys for you during a night out, but to his credit, they weren’t ever guys you wanted to talk to. And, well, admittedly, after learning what he was like, maybe you didn’t want to talk to Sunwoo either, but Jihoon’s protectiveness tonight was bothering you more than it ever had. 

You let a silence stretch between the two of you before speaking again. “You- you can’t just do that, you know,” you declared, not meeting his eyes.

“Do what?”

��Act like you just did. Pretending to be my boyfriend just to get a guy away from me.” Jihoon was just staring at you silently, so you felt compelled to add,  “You’re not actually my boyfriend, you know.”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, because his jaw locked and a coldness you had never seen before appeared in his eyes.

“Aren’t I basically?”

That caught you off guard. Where was this coming from? Jihoon had never entertained the idea of being your boyfriend, ever, so why was he suddenly acting like he was? Like he had always been?

And yet, you found yourself toying with the idea of dating Jihoon once more. The one question that pervaded your thoughts was, would things be so different? You’d never had a boyfriend, so you weren’t sure what they did, but you thought it wouldn’t be too far off from how Jihoon treated you now. Keep you safe, bring you food, buy you random keychains or pencils that reminded him of you, text you throughout the day, compliment you. The only difference would be…

Your eyes drifted down to his lips, and you swore you heard a shaky intake of breath coming from the man right in front of you.

The thought had barely crossed your mind that panic rose in your chest. You could not be thinking about kissing Jihoon. You couldn’t think about him being your boyfriend, either. You weren’t sure why, but your sudden heart palpitations at the mere idea told you that you just couldn’t.

“No, you’re not.” You had wanted to speak firmly, but you feared your voice had come out shakier than intended.

To your surprise, Jihoon scoffed. “So if I went off and started dating someone else, it wouldn’t bother you?” he asked in a disbelieving, almost mocking tone.

“No, it wouldn’t,” you answered, and as soon as the words were out, you knew they were a lie. You scrambled to your feet, suddenly wanting to be away from this conversation and the way it made you feel. “I’ll, um, I’ll head back inside.”

You ignored his call of your name and picked up your dress, hastily sliding it back on as you made your way back towards the living room where most of the action was. You quickly found that it was too loud, too hot, too packed in there. You headed back outside through another door that led to a part of the backyard far from the pool, where people sat in small groups around a big fire, either nursing a drink or passing round a joint, the smell of weed heavy in the air. At least it was quiet here.

You walked around some before spotting Jaehyuk, the man of the house himself, sitting on his lonesome on a swing bench in a dark corner of the garden, looking down despondently into a red solo cup. A couple hours into the party, this was the first time you saw him, you realized. It made you wonder how long he’d been sitting out here on his own.

“Hey, Jaehyuk,” you greeted, catching him by surprise. You took a seat next to him, sliding your hands underneath your thighs to keep them warm.

“Oh, hey, Y/N. Nice that you came.” He mustered a smile for you before taking a swig from his cup and cringing at the taste of what must’ve been alcohol.

“What are you doing out here by yourself?” you asked softly. You were used to cheery, smiley Jaehyuk, and even though you weren’t very close, you couldn’t help but be saddened by seeing your friend in such a state.

Jaehyuk sighed deeply. “The girl I planned this party for isn’t here.”

“The girl you… planned… this party for?” you echoed, and he nodded. “You mean this,” you said, gesturing to the house and backyard full to the brim with people, “is all for one girl?”

He sighed and nodded again, taking another sip from his cup. He tutted at the drink, or maybe at himself for drinking it when he knew how awful it tasted. “I wanted an excuse to see her outside of class.” He chuckled. “I realize now that I might have gone slightly overboard.”

“Just a bit,” you laughed along, watching as a group of stoners cheered at their friend who had found marshmallows and sticks God-knows-where. “It’s not even midnight yet, she might still be coming.”

Jaehyuk shrugged. “I’ve stopped hoping. I think I just need to get into the party and forget about it for tonight.”

You smiled. “Sounds like a plan.”

“What about you, what made you escape out here? The music not to your liking?”

“Are you kidding? This is the Danish alternative pop playlist of my dreams,” you said, earning a chuckle from him. “No, I just…” You realized you didn’t even know how to talk about this. What was making you so upset?

“I got into a bit of a… squabble with my friend, if you will. He-”

“Oh, so it’s a he?” Jaehyuk cut in, a knowing smile on his face.

“No- I mean, yes, he is, but it’s not like that, it’s- it’s…”

“It’s?” he egged on.

“Ugh, fine, it might be like that,” you finally admitted, as much to Jaehyuk as to yourself. Your irritation made him laugh.

“It’s okay, it happens.”

“I didn’t think it would happen to me, though.”

“Why not?”

You sighed. “Just ‘cause… him and I, we’ve known each other for such a long time, it feels weird that things would start changing now.”

“How long have you known each other?”

“We met when we were thirteen and fourteen. Then he moved away and we only met again in September last semester.”

“Did you keep in touch?”

“Not so much. I just heard from him through my brother, they’re much closer.”

“So… what I’m hearing is, you’ve known each other a long time, but you’ve only really become friends since September, right?”

“Right,” you echoed dubitatively, wondering where Jaehyuk was going.

“Y/N, that’s just a bit over six months.”

“...So?”

“So, that’s not nearly as long as you make it out to be. It’s not like you’ve been best friends for years and things are suddenly changing. Six months… aren’t that short, I’ll give you that, but I think it’s a reasonable time for people to get closer as friends and then start developing feelings.”

“Feelings?” you immediately echoed, panic evident in your voice.

Jaehyuk let out something like a chuckle, looking at you like he was figuring out whether you were joking or not. “Is that not what this whole thing is about?”

You dropped your gaze down to your thighs, frowning. “Feelings just sound so serious…”

“They can be, but they don’t have to.” After a few seconds of silence, he noticed your upset expression and nudged your shoulder good-naturedly. “What’s worrying you so much?”

“It’s just confusing. I… It’s not like I’ve been totally indifferent towards him up ‘til now, but there’s something about him lately, especially tonight. It makes me actually wonder about… you know. Whether I want him as a friend or not.” You sighed. “And even if I am feeling… feelings, I don’t know how he sees me. I could still be a sort of little sister in his eyes, for all I know.”

“What makes you think that?”

A small smile grew on your lips as you blew air from your nose. “Junkyu - my older brother - tasked him with looking after me when he learned I was going to attend this university with him. So, while I go crazy trying to figure out why he acts the way he acts and why I feel the way I feel, he might just be keeping a promise to my brother.”

“But have you ever seen him as an older brother?”

“No,” you replied immediately. Your surety almost took you aback. “Jihoon is… Jihoon. He’s definitely not Junkyu.”

Jaehyuk smiled. “Then I don’t think he would see you as a little sister, either. The way you act with a sibling and with a friend, potentially someone you like, is very different. I don’t think there’d be room for question if he treated you as a younger sister, you’d just know. Most guys I know are very obvious when they like someone, me included, so if you’re thinking about this so much just because of the way he acts with you… well, you’re probably onto something.”

“You think?” 

“I do.” 

You and Jaehyuk stayed outside chatting for a few more minutes until you decided to go back inside for some warmth and a refill of your empty cups. In the kitchen, you ran into some of your classmates, so you joined in their animated discussion on which version of The Sims is better (Asahi offended everyone by saying the mobile app was the best) instead of going looking for Minjeong and Jihoon like you had intended to.

A few minutes later, as your phone buzzed with six consecutive texts from your roommate, you found out where both of them were. 

minjeong girl do u know how many bedrooms there are in this goddamn house??!!!! yoshi and i are spending the night here xxx ask jaehyuk if he has a room for u or get home w jihoon whos that girl he’s talkin to in the kitchen btw??? love yaa xxxxxoooo text me if u need anything!! i’ll be busy but i’ll keep my phone on ;)

Usually, you’d have rolled your eyes at the exorbitant amount of x’s and the cheesy winky face, but something else had got your attention. Suddenly stepping away mentally from the conversation (which had turned into an interrogation on Asahi’s suspected addiction to mobile games), you looked around the crowded kitchen until your eyes settled on your culprit.

From where you were, you only had a view of his side profile, just as Minjeong had said, Jihoon was talking to a girl, red solo cup in his hand and stupidly attractive smile on his lips. She was leaning against the wall while he stood in front of her, both looking as relaxed as if they had known each other for years. What was up with all that eye contact? What was making them smile so hard?

You hadn’t realized how hard you were staring until Jaehyuk’s voice broke through your thoughts, asking if you were okay. 

“You look like you want to kill someone,” Sumin joked, not knowing she was closer to the truth than she thought.

You tried to laugh it off, saying you were just deeply disturbed by Asahi’s predicament, but you couldn’t keep yourself from glancing back at Jihoon and the girl every thirty seconds. Another girl arrived, and Jihoon shifted to make room for her so that he was now directly facing you. Over the chatter of the kitchen and music booming from the speakers in the living room, you couldn’t hear anything they were saying, but it seemed like Girl #1 was introducing Jihoon to Girl #2, placing a palm on his bicep as she did so. You counted - that hand stayed there for four whole seconds, and when she finally took it off of him, your eyes drifted back to Jihoon’s face.

Jihoon, who was staring right at you. Jihoon, who raised his eyebrows at you as if to say, What about it? while yours were creased in - confusion, anger, you weren’t sure what, but an ugly feeling you weren’t accustomed to. Jihoon, who, you decided, had to know what he was doing, had to know how this was making you feel.

The only thing on your mind was getting out of here and taking Jihoon with you. Without thinking much, you fished your phone out of your sweater pocket, texted Jihoon Let’s go and said bye to your friends, lying that your friend had suddenly asked you to leave.

After a few minutes of waiting by yourself outside in the cold, crouching to maximize body warmth, you started to wonder if Jihoon had decided to not follow you. But when you felt a weight drop on your shoulders, you snapped your head up to find him smiling down at you. 

“Where did you get this?” you asked, meaning the blanket he had given you.

“I stole it from the living room.”

“Jihoon,” you scolded.

“You know the guy right? Just give it back to him this week,” he said, lowering himself down to your level. Similarly to your eye contact in the kitchen, you were still frowning while he kept on smiling. “Not like you to want to leave before one a.m.. Is something the matter?” he asked, and you debated whether he was faking his innocence or not.

For about ten seconds, you tried to stay quiet, not wanting to betray your feelings to him. You glared ahead of you, watching your breath form wisps in the late February night air. 

But then he called your name so softly, it undid all of your resolve. The sound of it made you sigh.

“Who was that you were talking to?” you finally asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“Hm? That was just Shuhua, she’s a Tawainese exchange student from one of my classes. Then she introduced me to her friend Yuqi.”

You nodded slowly, still not meeting Jihoon’s gaze. “I didn’t know there was a Taiwainese exchange student in one of your classes.”

“Y/N?” The unexpected seriousness with which he had called your name forced you to look at him.

“Hm.”

“I have something to tell you.” He must’ve noticed your sudden inability to speak, so he continued, lowering his head to be at eye-level with you. “There’s a Taiwainese exchange student in one of my classes.”

A smile broke through his serious facade and you had to look away to hide your own growing grin. “You’re stupid,” you said, but it only made Jihoon laugh.

“So is that what this is all about? A little bout of jealousy from my Y/N?”

You didn’t know what to focus on - the fact that he had finally put a name to what you were feeling or the face that he had called you his. It made you frown. “I wasn’t jealous,” you said, aware of how unbelievable you sounded.

“No? Then what made you want to leave so suddenly?”

“I- You-�� you started, glaring at Jihoon when he snickered. “How come I can’t talk to guys but it’s okay for you to talk to girls?” 

“So you are jealous.”

“No, I just think you’re being unfair. I’m calling you out on your hypocrisy, Hoon. Double standards and all that.” 

Jihoon grinned. Had he known that he’d get such a reaction from you after talking to a friend that happened to be a girl, he’d have done it much earlier. And yet you had never had a problem with any of the girls in his usual friend group - if anything, the bunch of you often ganged up against him - so he wondered what was wrong with Shuhua in particular. Was it because you didn’t know her, and misunderstanding could arise?

His smile and eyes softened. No matter how adorable you looked to him right now, he wasn’t one to play games with feelings, his or yours. It was hard enough to make you realize how much he liked you (although he hoped that scene at the pool had made things more apparent), so he wasn’t going to make it even more confusing by letting you think he might like someone else.

Earlier, when he’d asked you if him dating someone else would bother you, and you’d answered no, he hadn’t formed any plan whatsoever to go off and talk to another girl right in front of you. Things just happened in his favor. He’d been talking with a whole group of people in the kitchen, but save for Jennifer, they’d all left for a game of spin the bottle (at their grown college age). Shuhua had a boyfriend back home and he had you, so they both had no interest for it. So it was just the two of them bonding over their love for Taylor Swift’s music when you appeared in the kitchen with Jaehyuk. 

Did he also feel a pang of jealousy seeing you with another guy, even though it was just Jaehyuk and he already knew of your friendship? Perhaps, but this wasn’t anything new with Jihoon. He didn’t think he’d be able to get rid of it until he had the surety that you were his, which had felt like a faraway goal until recently. Maybe it was due to his growing boldness or maybe you had managed to piece everything together yourself, but he was sure he’d felt a shift in your attitude towards him lately. There were times you would get shyer than usual, refusing to look him in the eyes; other times, like tonight, you’d defy him, as if trying to prove to both him and yourself you didn’t feel any sort of way towards him. But he hadn’t missed the way your eyes had drifted down to his lips and stayed there for a few seconds, hadn’t missed your panic when things seemed to get too real.

Just like you, although he didn’t know about that, he also found that there was something different about tonight, some tension between the two of you that was bound to explode. The fact that you were both in swimsuits had probably not helped. As soon as he’d seen you in your black tube dress, his imagination had started running wild. The way you casually had a gray zip sweatshirt of his in your room and donned it before leaving your place had made it harder to not just keep you in your apartment while the others went off to the party, and seeing you in your bikini was like the final boss he hadn’t been able to defeat. Keeping his eyes off of you was simply impossible. He wasn’t sure how he had resisted kissing you right then and there, showing everyone who the prettiest girl in the room - hell, at this party - belonged to.

(Jihoon had a bit of a possessive streak.)

Even now that you had somewhat made up, he still felt the changed air around you, like there was no going back from here. No pretending there were no unsaid feelings anymore - at least, that’s how he felt. If you needed the extra push to realize either his feelings, your own, or both, he didn’t mind initiating it. If anything, he had been waiting for it.

So he made sure to clear things up. “I didn’t want you to talk to Sunwoo because I knew he had bad intentions. Or at least selfish ones. Shuhua has a boyfriend, nothing was gonna happen there.”

“Oh, but if she didn’t, something would’ve?”

“No, Y/N. No,” Jihoon said firmly. 

“Why not? She’s pretty.” You knew you were being unreasonable at this point, arguing for the sake of arguing, but you couldn’t help yourself.

Jihoon sighed before placing a hand at the top of your head, brushing your hair gently. “I know someone who’s prettier.”

You turned your head slowly to look at him and were met with a sight you forever wanted to keep in your heart. Jihoon was looking down at you, eyes soft and filled with an emotion you wanted to describe as adoration, corners of his lips upturned into a sweet smile. You wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, feel the warmth of his skin under your palm and make sure he was real, but you were too stuck in his gaze to move.

“I actually know the prettiest girl in the world. I’m very lucky.”

You continued staring at each other for a few seconds or maybe a few hours, until he booped your nose and stood up. “Our Uber’s here, pretty girl.” 

You took his extended hand in yours and let him help you up, still in a daze as he opened the car door for you and rushed to the other side. You didn’t expect the relief you felt when he took your hand in his again as the Uber started driving. As the driver and him made minimal small talk, you watched out the window, but you couldn’t hear or see anything - you could only focus on Jihoon’s fingers intertwined with yours. Had hand-holding always felt so natural?

Even once you reached your apartment and you had to let go of it to get out of the car, the only thing you wanted was to have it again. 

You didn’t notice right away, as you punched in the code for the entrance to your apartment building, that Jihoon had stayed behind on the pavement. A light rain had started and his hair, all curled up from the pool, shone with small beads of water that the streetlights reflected on. 

“Aren’t you coming up?” you asked, turning around to face him and leaning against the door so it wouldn’t close.

“Not tonight,” he simply said, and you hesitated to ask him why. Whatever it was, he must have his reason, and you would see him again soon anyway, so you dropped it.

“Okay.” You nodded and hoped you didn’t sound as disappointed as you felt. 

You thought that would be it, but then he took a step closer to you, then another, until he was standing right in front of you. The doorstep made you taller so that your eyes were on a parallel with his lips, on which they naturally fell. No matter how confusing tonight might have been, if what you thought was about to happen actually did happen, you knew there was not a cell in your body that would resist it.

Jihoon leaned in closer and closer, until he was right there, and your lips would touch any second - but he leaned to the right, pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips instead. You stood with bated breath as he leaned back, wearing a proud smirk. “Good to know you wouldn’t push me away if I tried to kiss you,” he said, but on this rare occasion, you were speechless. 

His smirk softened to a smile as he ruffled your hair. “Good night, Y/N.”

It wasn’t until he had reached the corner, turning around and waving at you to go into your building before disappearing that you snapped out of it and made your way to your apartment. As soon as you’d shut your front door behind you, you realized just how disappointed you felt that Jihoon hadn’t come up like he usually did, how much you missed the reassurance of having him there, even if the two of you were a room apart. 

You also realized you didn’t want any walls to separate you anymore.

And there you had it - the signs were too obvious to ignore anymore. The heart flutterings, the thoughts of him invading your mind day and night, the jealousy. The constant longing to be with him.

You were in love with Park Jihoon.

--

You fell into a deep sleep for about four hours, before waking up with a start.

You were in love with Park Jihoon.

What had seemed like a comforting thought at the time now freaked you out to no end. Park Jihoon was your best friend, your brother’s best friend, someone you’d met so long ago he’d known you during your embarrassing bangs phase of 2015 (BangGate, as your friends from home inappropriately liked to call it).

You were great as friends, sure, but how would you fare if things went further than that? There was no way for you to know other than by trying it firsthand. Did you want to take that leap, and risk falling face first - or chance falling right into his arms?

For some reassurance, you got your laptop out and went to Google. At first, you intended to search some YouTube videos or blog posts about successful best-friends-turned-lovers stories, but something deep inside your brain compelled you to type Omegle in the search bar. Even if it was five a.m. for you, it’d be a reasonable time of the day for people with good relationship advice somewhere, right?

In your interests, you typed love, relationship and advice, hoping this would lead you to your savior. After skipping a few naked men who apparently were into love too, two young girls appeared on your screen who, going off of their accent, were British. They looked about eleven and were doing their nails, not paying attention to their screen. NewJeans was playing in the background.

They were perfect.

“Hey, girls!” you said, cringing at the sound of your own voice.

They raised their heads in unison, looking at you for a second before coming closer to the screen, all wide smiles. One of them had braces with pink elastics. “Hey, girl!”

You decided you had no time to lose, so you directly told them you needed advice with a boy you liked. They nodded vigorously. So you told them everything - from how you and Jihoon had met, to reconnecting in September, to the events of the past few months (including a detailed rundown of what happened at the pool, which they loved). They even insisted on seeing a picture and squealed when you showed them. Your Jihoon really was handsome.

“So? What do you think I should do?” you asked when you were done recounting everything.

“I have this thing I do whenever I fancy someone,” the girl on the right started, while the other one munched on some sour candy. You nodded for her to continue. “It really helps me know if I should keep fancying them or if they’re not worth it. It’s called a compibi- compa- combali- Rosie, what was it again?”

“A compatibility test,” Rosie said, tongue blue from her candy.

“Right, that. It works like magic. Just the other week I thought for sure Leo was the cutest boy in school but then I did the test thing and got forty percent with him and a few days later he was dating Sarah anyway.”

“Sarah is terrible,” Rosie chipped in.

“Oh no!” you exclaimed.

“Yeah, really bad,” the other girl said, nodding. “But then, I did it with Martin and got eighty-six percent and we’ve been dating for ten days now, we have,” she finished proudly.

“That’s amazing.” You didn’t know if it was the lack of sleep or the conviction with which the girl spoke, but you were hooked. “How do I do it?” you asked, although you’d probably done it when you were their age too.

“Oh, it’s easy. You just type the comp- Rosie?”

“Compatibility.”

“That, test on Google and click any one of them and type in your name then his. Any of them will do, I’m sure,” she shrugged, reaching for a candy. 

“Okay, let me do it right now. Gimme a sec.” After a few clicks, you’d reached an early 2010s-style website called lovecalculator.com, all pink and cupids shooting their arrows into the sky. You typed in your name, then Jihoon’s, then pressed a shaky finger to the Enter bar.

“Oh my gosh!” you squealed. “We got ninety-nine percent!”

“Oh my gosh!” the girls yelped back, clapping and hugging each other in celebration.

“Girl, you need to go tell him right now,” non-Rosie said firmly.

“Right now,” Rosie echoed.

You pouted. “I can’t, it’s five a.m. right now.”

“You better go later then! You two are meant to be! You’ll last at least like, a month or two.” 

“At least.”

After thanking and saying good-bye to your new best friends, you spent a good three minutes staring at the big 99% in bright pink on your screen. This randomly generated number made you so happy that you took a screenshot and printed it out on Minjeong’s printer in the living room, then put it on your fridge for you to admire. You used a magnet Jihoon had gifted you for Christmas - it was a four-cut photobooth picture of you two you’d taken at the Christmas market. You thought you’d only taken the paper version, but he’d made you go get food for the both of you while he bought the magnet version as well.

Your mind at ease, you started heading back to your room, but you ran into someone right as you walked out of the kitchen.

You looked him up and down. Yoshinori was standing in your living room half-naked, looking like a deer caught in headlights. 

“H-hey, Y/N,” he said, breaking the silence first. “I’m sorry, I thought you were sleeping…”

“I woke up early,” you replied, unable to keep yourself from smiling at his awkwardness. “What are you doing?”

“Just, um, just getting some water.”

“And you have to come to my apartment to do that?”

“No, I, um- Someone called the cops, so Jaehyuk kicked all of us out.”

“I thought you were in a room somewhere?”

“Yeah, but we went outside to see what was happening, and he saw us, so we had to leave.”

“Right… Well, glad you made it back home safe.” The strangeness of the situation suddenly hit you, and you realized you should probably let the half-naked man get his glass of water and leave. “I’ll go back to my room, then.”

“Oh, right, see you, Y/N. And sorry.”

“No worries!” you said, waving his apology off and scurried off to your bedroom. You plopped into your bed with a satisfied sigh, hugging a plushie Jihoon had won for you at an arcade close to your chest. He really was everywhere.

When you woke up next, sunlight was pouring from the window into your room. You checked your phone - nine a.m.. Not early enough to go to late sleeper Jihoon’s place, but definitely early enough to call your probably still sleeping brother. You had to tell someone about your newfound revelation, and Minjeong next door was either asleep or busy.

Your phone rang with an outgoing call for so long that you thought Junkyu might simply not pick up. “I’m in love with Jihoon,” you blurted out as soon as your brother’s face appeared on screen. 

He paused for a second, taking your words in, then yawned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Good morning to you too, Y/N.”

“I’m in love with Jihoon,” you repeated, more insistently.

“I heard you the first time.”

“Well, what do you think?!” you asked, impatience rising. You couldn’t believe your brother could be sarcastic in an emergency like this.

Junkyu frowned. “Uh, congratulations?”

You tutted. “Kyu, I’m serious about this!”

“I know, I can tell,” he said, chuckling. “Are you going to tell him?”

“I think I have to. I think… I think he feels the same way about me, actually.”

Junkyu rolled his eyes. “No shit, Sherlock.”

You paused. “Huh?”

“Everyone and their mom knows he’s in love with you, we were just all waiting for you to see it.”

“Huh?!” Junkyu shrugged. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

Your brother sighed. “Some things in life, you have to figure out on your own, sis. Like taxes.” You just frowned at him. “Well, how did you figure it out?”

“Now that you say it, I guess I should’ve noticed it earlier. But really what happened is I saw him talking to a girl.”

“Put the man in jail!”

“Shut up. And then we talked for a bit, and he didn’t outright say it, but he heavily implied that he… liked me.”

Junkyu scoffed. “That’s an understatement.”

You ignored your brother. “But I don’t know if I should wait for a bit or go tell him now-”

“Y/N. Please, put that man out of his misery and go tell him now.”

“Don’t you think he’d get upset if I confessed first? You know Jihoon, he gets proud about random things like that.”

“Believe me, he won’t care. He’ll just be happy you like him back after all this time.”

You thought for a second, a small smile blooming on your lips. “Does he really like me that much?”

Junkyu sighed. “He’s been harping on about you since we were fourteen. He probably keeps a diary or a boyblog where he just writes about you. Just go get him, girl.”

Your smile grew wider and your heart started beating faster, excitement growing in your stomach at the thought of seeing Jihoon again. “Okay, I will.” You and your brother stared at each other for a second, eyes wide in anticipation, until something struck you.

“Wait… You don’t mind, do you? Your sister and best friend dating?”

“I l-word both of you, so no, I don’t mind. I trust you both enough to not hurt each other. But I’m still your brother, so if that prick does anything to hurt you, I’ll kick his ass, okay?”

“Kyu, he bench-presses your weight as a joke.”

He squinted his eyes at you. “I’ll metaphorically kick his ass, then.”

“And what if I hurt him?”

Junkyu thought for a second. “I’ll… give you the silent treatment for a few days.”

“How scary,” you laughed.

“Anyways, congratulations in advance and all that, but for my mental health please pretend you’re not a couple in front of me and remember that premarital sex is a sin.”

“Will do! Bye, Kyu!”

--

Right after hanging up with your brother, you texted Jihoon, asking if you could come over. You quickly got ready, doing affirmations in the mirror to calm yourself down, and as soon as your phone pinged with Jihoon’s answer (miss me already?), you were out the door. It was usually a thirteen-minute walk between your and Jihoon’s place, but with the power of love, it only took you eight.

You felt like your body had gone on autopilot - instead of practicing over and over what you would say to him in your head, imagining all the terrible ways it could go or pacing back and forth in front of his apartment building, you just walked, the loud thumping of your heart in your ears drowning everything else out. You’d just get there and get it over with. 

Even when you had to wait for seven seconds (you counted) for Jihoon to open the door after you’d rung the doorbell, you didn’t start panicking. 

“Hey, Y/N, I just ordered some-”

“I love you.”

“Breakfast… You what?”

“I love you, Hoonie,” you beamed. The relief of letting those words free made tears pool in the corner of your eyes.

Jihoon just stared at you, mouth agape and expression like he couldn’t believe what was hearing. Reaching for your hand, he brought you closer to him and shut the door behind you, eyes never once leaving yours. Then, he pulled you into a hug, one so tight you’d be worried about your blood circulation being cut off if it wasn’t Jihoon’s arms you were in. 

“Can you say it again, please?” he asked, nose buried in your hair and voice weak like you’d never heard it before.

You tightened your hold around his waist. “I love you,” you whispered.

“Again?”

“I love you,” you repeated, giggling.

He laughed too, more out of relief than anything. “I love you, too.”

He leaned back and raised his hands to gently cup your face in his palms. The both of you were smiling like idiots from ear to ear, gazing into each other’s eyes. Tears streamed down your cheek and he wiped them away with a thumb before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Took you long enough,” he said, making you laugh again.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Jihoon shook his head. “Don’t be. You have no idea how happy I am right now.”

“I’m happy for you guys and all, but could you like, not do this here?” a voice interrupted you. You looked behind Jihoon’s shoulder to find Hyunsuk, one of his roommates, on the living room sofa, watching Brooklyn 99. You hadn’t even noticed him. In his defense, you were declaring your love for each other right next to him in the entrance hallway. 

“Oh, right, sorry, Suk. Let’s go into my room,” he said, tugging at your hand. 

The both of you burst into giggles as soon as the door shut behind you. Jihoon wasted no time in pulling you into another hug, and it felt like your whole body sighed as you let his warmth engulf you. You cursed yourself for not letting yourself have this earlier. You gently rocked from side to side together, as if slow dancing to a melody only the two of you could hear.

“I guess a little jealousy goes a long way, huh?” Jihoon said after a minute of silence.

“I wasn’t jealous,” you huffed, leaning back so he could see your frown.

“What made you realize your undying love for me, then?”

“I just… I thought we’d be good together. I realized how compatible we are, if you will.”

“Our compatibility? Did you only notice it last night?”

You grinned. “Guess I did,” you answered, just to tease him. Jihoon did not need to know about your love calculator epiphany.

He looked at you like you had hung the stars in the sky. You felt shy under his gaze, but you couldn’t get yourself to look away. “So does that mean we’re… boyfriend and girlfriend now?” he asked, making you burst into laughter. “Don’t make fun of me! It’s important to make things clear,” he complained between giggles.

“Yes, let’s be boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Awesome,” he replied, then pursed his lips as if debating to say what he wanted to say next. “So, now that we’re boyfriend and girlfriend…”

“Yes, Hoon?”

“Does that mean I can kiss you?” he asked, a small smile playing on his lips that you mirrored.

“Please,” you whispered.

So he did.

When his lips touched yours, it was like a flower that had been waiting for the right moment finally bloomed inside your chest. It felt soft, and comforting, and just right. Like your lips had always meant to meet. 

At least, it started out that way. The fabric of Jihoon’s t-shirt bunched up in your hands while his cupped your face tenderly, your lips moving in a slow cadence against each other’s as if you had all the time in the world - and you did. You were both so filled to the brim with excitement that when you pulled away for a breather, you laughed together, foreheads resting against each other.

But then, you raised your hands and threaded your fingers through his hair, tugging on it gently as you deepened the kiss. You probably hadn’t done it on purpose, simply wanting to feel more of Jihoon out of some basic instinct - but it undid something in him. 

He slid his hands down the sides of your neck and your shoulders until they reached your arms, pulling on them to have your body closer to his. His hands then continued their journey down to your waist, where they sneaked themselves under your t-shirt. They ran up and up until almost your entire back was exposed to the fresh air in his room, the contrast between that and the fire-hot warmth of Jihoon’s hands against your bare skin making you shiver.

He walked you backwards until the back of your legs hit his mattress, unto which he helped you down gently, somehow not breaking the kiss as he did. One of his hands came to brush hair away from your face, while the other remained on your waist, after some time venturing onto your stomach, a sensitive spot for you that made you sigh into his mouth. He took that opportunity to slide his tongue against yours, yet another new sensation that made your head spin.

This was exceeding any expectations you had ever had for a first kiss. In fact, you had always thought first kisses were messy, awkward things, but this was nothing of the sort - your whole body was on edge, responding to every little movement on Jihoon’s part. Your fingers buzzed with a fizzy electricity that put your brain in a daze. You could do this forever, you thought. 

But forever was cut short by the sudden buzz of Jihoon’s phone. Jihoon started, practically leaping off of you and dramatically holding onto his chest when he realized it was just his phone that had interrupted you. The delivery person was calling him to announce their arrival. 

Jihoon pressed a kiss to your forehead, took a few steps, then came back to press another kiss, this time to your lips. Your stomach growled loudly while you waited for him, and you realized you still hadn’t eaten today. Add making out to that, you were ready to devour whatever it was Jihoon had ordered. 

The smell coming from the paper bag Jihoon held as he entered the room again made you close your eyes in bliss and take a deep whiff. “Johnny’s,” you whispered. “You know me so well.”

Johnny’s was your absolute favorite breakfast place in all of town. It had been opened a few years ago by a graduate of your university who had mastered the art of hangover food. From soups, to hash brown patties, to iced coffee, he knew exactly what it was that students needed after a night out. You could tell he had a lot of experience with that himself. He was kind of like a God amongst the student body of your university.

“Of course I do. I know your order from all of your favorite restaurants, and somehow you only realized yesterday that I was pathetically in love with you.”

You smiled sheepishly, taking a bite of your sausage and egg wrap. “How long are you going to hold this over my head?”

Jihoon grinned brightly. “Until I forget about it.”

“So never?”

“Precisely.”

He put on the next episode of your show, and for the next couple hours, the two of you stayed holed up in his room, cuddling once you were done with your food. Even though you had spent endless time watching shows or movies side by side, neither of you had ever dared initiate physical touch, no matter how much you’d wanted to. He’d been scared you’d pull away from him, and you’d been scared it’d be awkward. You hadn’t realized how much you’d longed for his proximity and warmth until you had it.

Save for his laptop screen, it’d been quiet for a while, and you thought you might fall asleep when Jihoon spoke. “I’m so glad I don’t need to pretend anymore,” he said as one episode finished and the next one started.

“Pretend what?”

“That I’m not desperately in love with you and that every single little thing you do doesn’t drive me insane.”

You giggled. “Does it?”

“Yes,” he whispered, his voice a heavy sigh, almost a groan. There was a slight edge to it, a deeper meaning behind that short yes that had your stomach suddenly feeling very tight.

“Oh,” was all you could answer. You suddenly wondered what you might have done without thinking that had had an effect on Jihoon, just as he’d done to you many times before. You also wondered what sort of effect you may have had on him, what sort of thoughts he may have had about you that he had to keep to himself all this time.

Tentatively, you cocked your head up, only to find he was already looking down at you. The glint in his eyes made your body burn. Just as he started to lean in to reunite your lips, your phone buzzed with many texts in a row. Jihoon closed his eyes in frustration and sighed. “I want to throw both of our phones away,” he said, making you laugh.

minjeong hey pooks idk if ur out somewhere or still sleeping but im going to yoshis placeee he needs some stuff there so we’re going together and i’ll prob spend the night over… we’re like inseparable rn or wtv. anyways dont set the place on fire while i’m gone x

you ok thx for letting me know xx im w my boyfriend rn

Minjeong’s response didn’t even take three seconds to come through.

minjeong HUHHHH??? GIRL ???

you hehe

minjeong park jihoon is one lucky man

you how do u know its him?

minjeong literally who else would it be wait does that mean we’ll go on double dates…

you yeah ur right and pls no

minjeong DOUBLE DATES !! girls night tomorrow night i want all the deeeets have fun having the place all to urselves and rmb to use protection xx

you why is that where ur mind goes first ?? down for girls night tho can we watch teen beach movie

minjeong duhhh

“Teen Beach Movie?” Jihoon said, startling you. You hadn’t realized he’d been reading over your shoulders.

“It’s a good movie,” you mumbled, frowning.

“Right.” He said nothing for a few seconds, but he just couldn’t contain himself. The question was burning his tongue. “Aren’t you on the pill?”

Your head snapped towards him at the sudden question. “Uh, yeah, I am. Why?”

His eyes scanned your face as a smirk grew on his lips. “Then we don’t need to use protection, do we?”

You gulped. Your whole face felt hot - after having just shared your first kiss, you hadn’t expected him to mention sex so easily. Not that you weren’t interested in that, far from it, you were just… nervous.

You turned away from him, unable to sustain his gaze any longer. “I guess not,” you murmured. You had started taking the pill at the beginning of university, mainly to regulate your period and lessen your hormonal acne. The contraceptive part was just a bonus, one you had never imagined would come into handy like this. 

Jihoon’s eyes suddenly widened. “Oh, I need to tell Yoshi about this! He’s gonna freak. I hope he won’t be mad he learned it from Minjeong and not me first.”

“Yoshi?” you asked as you watched him reach for his phone on his nightstand.

“Yeah, we’ve been updating each other on our love lives. He’s really into Minjeong, by the way.”

“That’s… strangely wholesome, actually.” 

While he typed away, you tilted your head and took the time to appreciate your boyfriend’s features. The round eyes, heart-shaped lips, sharp nose and even sharper jawline. He was so pretty, and now, he was all yours.

Without thinking, you traced a finger along his jaw, liking the feel of it against your skin. When his eyes found yours, you dropped your hand and straightened your head, expression like you’d just been caught red-handed.

“Should we go back to your place? We can pick up food on the way.”

You smiled. “We just ate.”

“And I’m hungry again,” he said, mirroring your smile and pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. Or at least, he had intended it as a chaste kiss, but he found that he couldn’t quite get himself to pull away. “Let’s go,” he said, lips moving against yours as he spoke, but made no move to actually go.

“Let’s go,” you repeated, staying perfectly still. You’re not sure who was the one to cross the millimeters between your lips, but before you knew it, you and Jihoon’s lips were stuck to each other once more. This kiss had none of the gradual intensity of the previous one - right off the bat, the feeling of Jihoon’s lips against yours flooded all of your senses.

Your hands found purchase in his hair while his found their way to your waist once more. With surprising ease, he pulled you to him so that you were straddling his lap. For a second there, you were conscious about how heavy you might be on top of him, but it was all forgotten when he pressed his lips to yours again in a passionate kiss. In this new position, you could press your body close to his, so close you could almost feel his heart beat against yours. He also had easier access to your back than before, and he quickly took advantage of that. 

Just like before, he sneaked his hands underneath your t-shirt, making you arch your back against him. He slid a finger underneath your bra strap and pulled away for a second to ask if this was okay. You looked at him - his eyes were darker than you’d ever seen before and his face had lust written all over it. You were sure you looked similar.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” you whispered before diving back into the kiss. One second apart felt like hours to you.

Your breath got shakier as he unclasped your bra. He didn’t do anything right away, settling on brushing his palm up and down your back while your heart raced with anticipation. You were so on edge that you couldn’t even kiss him anymore - you buried your face in his neck, gripping his hair so tightly you were probably hurting him. You didn’t care if he could feel how desperate you were. Then, finally, painfully slowly, one of his hands made its way to your front, and he gently grabbed your breast underneath your bra that was hanging from your shoulders. That was already a foreign sensation in itself, but when he took your nipple between two fingers and pulled on it ever-so-gently, the pleasure that overtook your body was so intense that it made you let out a loud gasp and you pulled away from Jihoon, startled as if you had been shocked by lightning. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, breathing heavily, a mix of worry and desire in his eyes. 

You nodded, holding onto his shoulders as you tried to make your breathing return to normal. “I’m fine, just… it’s all very new, is all. I’ve never done any of this before.”

Never had a boyfriend, never held hands romantically, never kissed - that was you. Not that you minded, though, since you’d never been interested in anyone and you were happy to do this with Jihoon, whom you trusted more than anyone else.

He smiled softly. “That’s okay. Does it at least feel good?” he asked, low voice making the hairs on your arms stand.

You whined, hiding your face in the dip of his shoulder again. “It does…” you admitted, voice muffled against his skin.

“You know, it’s my first time too,” he said after a while. 

You lifted your head to look at him. “Really?”

“Mh-hm. You’re my first girlfriend.” His eyes were full of affection as he gazed at you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You giggled. “What’s funny?” he asked softly, pressing a kiss to your jaw.

“We’re each other’s firsts,” you explained. “I think that’s nice.”

Jihoon made his way to your lips, giving them a small peck. “That is nice. And I promise I’ll make you feel so good,” another peck, “you’ll want me to be your last as well.”

You looked at him for a bit, taking in his features that looked even more beautiful to you now that you’d realized your feelings for him, and thought of a life with him. It might have been slightly premature, but you already knew you liked the idea of that.

“Okay,” you said, as if what he had said had been an offer. It made him smile.

“Okay.” He kissed you, softly like you could break underneath his touch. “You’re so cute, you know that?” he asked against your lips, but didn’t leave you time to answer before kissing you again. “Okay, I think we should take a break,” he said after a few minutes. “We can go to your place. And then we’ll have more… privacy.”

You agreed that spending some time not pressed up against Jihoon might help you think straight again. The walk to your apartment was nice and quiet, your interlocked hands swinging back and forth between your two bodies. When you walked past the grocery store, you stopped in your tracks, looking at Jihoon with a smile which he mirrored immediately, even without knowing the reason behind it.

“Should we bake a cake to celebrate our first day together?”

“That’s very cheesy.” His grin widened as he took a step closer to you. “I love it.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead and led you into the store.

The rest of that afternoon was spent baking and decorating the cake. It was a simple vanilla batter, but it took way longer than it should have, because Jihoon first insisted on having a flour fight (which took ages to clean), then on having two cakes and having a competition for whose would be prettier (yours, of course), but you loved every last second of it. It was like a scene out of a movie, and you could not have been more content. To really bring home the cheesiness of it all, you even recorded yourselves blowing out the number one candles of your respective cakes.

The evening came around, and, full of cake and Chinese takeout, you were holed up in bed together, watching the first movie that had popped up on your Netflix recommended. It was too easy, falling asleep in his arms. The combination of his comforting scent and the soft back rubs he was giving you lulled you to sleep like nothing else. 

When you woke up next, it was because of a sudden lack of warmth next to you. You lifted your head to find Jihoon opening your bedroom door and heading into the living room. He had just been going to get water, but you didn’t know that.

“Hoon?” you called out, raising yourself to a sitting position on your bed. He immediately turned around, walking back towards you and crouching next to your bed.

“Hm?”

“Aren’t you staying?” you asked, reaching for the hem of his t-shirt sleeve. He looked at your hand before his gaze slowly made its way back up towards your face, a smirk growing on his pretty lips. 

“Do you want me to?” he asked back, gazing deep into your eyes. His voice had dropped to a low volume that made it hard to breathe. Initially, you’d just wanted him back by your side, but now all sorts of thoughts were running through your mind.

“Of course. I mean, we’re dating, right?” 

In an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, you tried to chuckle, but all laughter died in your throat when your eyes locked with Jihoon’s. You weren’t scared of his intensity - you were scared of the pace at which your desire for him was growing. One inch closer, and you knew you’d be wrapped around his finger.

He leaned closer.

“What are you trying to say?” he asked, tilting his head innocently to the side. Mindlessly, you rubbed your thighs together, searching for some relief for your core that had started to throb of its own accord, but Jihoon was following your every movement and had noticed it. “Are you saying you want to consummate our relationship?” he asked again, a hint of amusement in his voice as he placed his hands on your knee that wasn’t covered by the blanket.

You scoffed and looked away, hoping you didn’t look as flustered as you felt. “Not if you say it like that,” you mumbled.

Jihoon’s eyebrows perked up. “How should I say it, then?” he whispered. His hand slowly brushed along your sides until it reached your waist. Even over your layer of clothing, his touch burned. “You want me to make love to you?”

You kept your gaze fixed on something behind his shoulder, focusing on your breathing that was getting shakier and shakier. He drew the blanket away, leaving your thighs exposed to the chilly air for a second before he splayed his large palms on them, bringing you some warmth but intensifying the throbbing in your core. His hands inched closer and closer to where you most needed them, rubbing over your inner thighs but swerving right before he actually reached your core, setting them on your hip bones instead.

“Or do you want me to fuck you, Y/N?”

He took your chin between two fingers, forcing you to meet his gaze. Your eyes locked for a second before they dropped to his lips, watching the smirk that grew on them. “Guess it’s the latter.” 

As soon as your lips touched, you were overwhelmed by the immensity of your desire for him. Your whole body burned in want, in need. You had no idea what to do except hold on tightly to him and hope for the best, hope that he’d know how to guide you through this even if it was new for him as well. 

If you thought the kisses you’d shared earlier in the day had been intense, this one was on a whole other level. Your hands grabbed everywhere they could find and his gripped your waist firmly as your tongues danced with each other, resulting in a messy kiss that had your head spinning from lack of air in seconds. And yet, you couldn’t get enough. You kept pulling Jihoon impossibly closer by the hem of his t-shirt until he got frustrated from the layer of clothing between you two and simply took it off, discarding somewhere in your room. He gave you no time to admire his defined chest or abs, because he trapped your lips right away. 

He pushed you slowly onto the bed until he was hovering over you, alternating between kissing your lips and your neck, that you were sure would have a couple of purple marks for you to find the next day. Your skin burned wherever he touched it, and it was like a trail of fire had appeared as his hand made its way to your breasts once more, grabbing harshly at the soft flesh there. 

The whole time, he had been in some sort of a trance, drunk on your body, on your scent, on the way you were touching him - on the feeling that you finally wanted him as much as he’d wanted you all this time. But when he helped you out of the articles of clothing covering your upper body, and he had you half-naked underneath him, he had to take a double take and remember to take his time instead of just devouring you whole. For both his sake and yours.  

So he stopped for a bit, letting himself admire you. He noticed you shifting uncomfortably, so he leaned down again, pressing soft kisses along your cheeks and your jaw. “You really are the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,” he whispered before kissing you. He then continued his journey down your neck and collarbones until he reached your breast. “Really so beautiful.”

When he took one of your nipples in his mouth, your back arched against him and you let out a loud moan. He couldn’t keep himself from chuckling slightly - he found it adorable how sensitive you were everywhere he touched you. Your moans were like music to his ears.

Nothing had ever felt like this before. As he circled his tongue around your nipple - God knows where he had learned how to do this - it took everything you had to not just scream in pleasure. Even if Minjeong was out, you still had neighbors. Now that you couldn’t grab his t-shirt, you’d switched to his hair, and you were tugging at it so hard you wouldn’t have been surprised if you ripped a clump of it from his head.

Your panties were sticking to your core, all slick with your arousal, and you didn’t know how long you could go on anymore without attention down there.

As if he’d heard your thoughts, Jihoon started making his way down your body once more, trailing kisses all across your ribcage and stomach.

“I’m torn between taking this real slow and making it last as long as possible.” His lips found a sensitive spot on your lower stomach, right next to your hip bone, and he gently bit the skin there, licking it afterwards to offer you some relief. “Or just devouring you now that I finally have you.”

“Jihoon,” you sighed, desperation evident in your voice. “Please, just do something.”

“Like what?” he asked, clearly enjoying your lust-filled state of mind.

“Anything.”

He chuckled, and by the sound of it, you knew he didn’t have anything good in mind. He lowered himself some more until his mouth was positioned right in front of your pussy, and, with no warning, licked a long strip from your hole to your clit over your panties, humming at the taste of your arousal.

“Something like this?” he asked afterwards, but was only met with a whine. He kissed the soft flesh of your inner thighs while you squirmed in his hold.

“Don’t tease me, please…” you begged, and your voice was so weak and genuine that he could only give in. 

“Whatever you want, baby,” he obliged, the nickname rolling off of his tongue casually. He had no idea what it did to you. 

He helped you out of your underwear, finally getting you fully naked just for him. Jihoon was a man of his words, so not a second was lost before he dived right back into you, licking up the arousal spilling out of you before flicking his tongue at your clit. He held your hips tightly in both of his hands so you couldn’t squirm away from him and ate you out like a man starved. You were so sweet and warm against his tongue, and your taste was worlds more intoxicating than any alcohol he’d ever had. He’d do this forever if you let him.

He noticed quickly that attention to your clit was what got you moaning the loudest, so he alternated between circling his tongue around it and gently sucking at it, sometimes releasing it with a pop just for the hell of it. He slipped a finger easily inside of you, your wetness accommodating him immediately. He couldn’t wait to be inside you - his hard cock was throbbing in the confines of his underwear, but his only concern right now was to make you come undone for him. 

When he found that deep spot inside of you, the one that had you gasping in pleasure and moaning his name, he slid a second finger in, and just like that, you were done for. You came apart on his fingers and tongue, a complete moaning mess underneath him, and he lapped up the arousal leaking out of you like it was water. 

You’d already thought you were at the peak of pleasure when your orgasm came ripping through you like an avalanche, blindsiding you and making you see bright white stars behind your tightly closed eyelids. Your throat felt dry from all the moaning and heaving you’d been doing. You had to take Jihoon’s face between your hands and gently pull him up yourself, otherwise it seemed like he was happy to keep going, but it was starting to overwhelm you.

Jihoon held you in his arms as you came down from your high. You let out the laughter bubbling in your throat as your breathing returned to normal - not because something was funny, but because you had just felt so ridiculously amazing that you couldn’t help but laugh. 

“How was it?” Jihoon asked, a lot shyer than you’d expected.

You lifted your head to look at him, a bright smile on your face even though you felt close to exhausted. “I have a hard time believing that was your first time giving head, Hoon.”

He chuckled. “Very first time, I promise you. I must just have some God-given skills.”

“I’m not even gonna fight you on that, because that was amazing,” you conceded, nuzzling yourself closer to him.

“I’m glad I could do that for you,” he said softly, burying his nose at the top of your head and inhaling there. The scent of your hair was oddly comforting for him.

Before you let yourself drift off to sleep, you started raking your fingernails across his chest and abs, smiling proudly to yourself when you heard him breathe shakily or felt his muscles clench under your touch. He wasn’t saying anything, but you could tell he was holding himself back. “I think,” you started, pressing a kiss to the corner of his jaw, “That you deserve something in return.”

“You don’t-”

You knew Jihoon. He didn’t like it when you insisted on paying for coffee because he’d done it the last time, or when you baked him something because he’d stayed up all night with you studying for a test. He liked taking care of you, but you always had to almost force him to let you take care of him. You wanted your relationship to be fifty-fifty - you wanted to give him as much as he gave you. Even if he would let you, it wasn’t fair to just take and take.

So you insisted. Whatever he was about to say, it died on his tongue as soon as you placed your palm on his erection. It felt hot and hard under your hand, and saying you weren’t slightly intimidated would be a lie, but you wanted to do this. If you were able to give Jihoon half the pleasure he’d given you moments prior, you’d be satisfied. 

You rubbed your hand slowly up and down over his clothes. “Really, baby,” he managed to say between shaky breaths, “I didn’t do that to get something in return- Fuck,” he whispered as you hooked your fingers underneath the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling it down his legs so he was only left in his underwear. Under the black fabric, his bulge looked huge, and you gulped at the idea of having it inside you.

“This feels good, right, Hoon?” you asked, steadily getting bolder and pressing slightly harder against his bulge as you continued rubbing it.

“It- it does, but-”

You shut him up by pressing your lips to his. He reciprocated it immediately, almost unconsciously, before moaning into the kiss. “So let me do this for you,” you whispered before ridding him of his underwear.

“Okay,” he said, sighing as you rubbed your hands from his knees along his thighs.

The groan he let out as you took him in your hand sent shivers straight down your spine. You could finally put to use all the knowledge Minjeong had passed on to you over the past few months. You let go of Jihoon’s cock to spit in your hand, the moisture helping you glide your loosely closed fist along his shaft with more ease. Your movements themselves were probably very clumsy, but Jihoon didn’t seem to mind - he moaned shamelessly, head fallen back against the pillows and exposed Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

Seeing him like this and knowing it was all because of you drove you crazy, and soon, you became greedy for any sign of pleasure from him. You wanted to hear all of his moans, sighs, groans, watch his abs clench tightly and feel him grab your hair, which he did as soon as you flicked your tongue across his tip, already leaking with pre-cum. The endless string of curses and moans that flew from his mouth as you circled your tongue and shallowly bobbed your mouth around him filled you with satisfaction.

“Fuck, just like that, Y/N. You’re doing so fucking well, baby. Making me feel so good.” Those words had been the cherry on top.

Jihoon was of a more-than-decent size, and fitting all of him inside of your mouth was probably a task that would take a few tries to achieve - you still did your best to take as much of him as you could. You massaged his balls with one of your hands, using the other to hold the base of his shaft while you bobbed your head up and down. You did this with increasing speed then let him take control over your pace as his fingers threaded themselves in your hair, guiding your head around him. You didn’t even know if he was doing it on purpose or out of reflex, but you definitely did not mind handing him the reins.

“You’re gonna make me- Fuck, Y/N, I’m gonna cum, sweetheart.” You hummed around his shaft, and that seemed to do him in - with a loud groan, he released his load, hot and sticky inside your mouth. Taken aback by the bitter taste, you lifted your head and only swallowed what you had caught. You took him in your hand again, jerking him off to help him ride out the rest of his high.

You watched him, transfixed by his heaving chest, eyes screwed shut, the beads of sweat pearling across his torso, and the red blush that had spread from his face down to his neck. You’d done this. You’d gotten Jihoon in such a state. You let him rest for a bit as you wiped your hands and his body with a tissue and had a sip of water.

You then pressed a kiss to his cheek, taking the time to admire his smiling face. When he opened his eyes and found yours, you suddenly felt so shy that you returned to your usual cuddling position, head resting against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you close to him. You were both smelly and sticky, but you couldn’t care less.

“You did so good, baby. You did such a good job,” he whispered, the praise going right to your heart.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. That was amazing.” He sighed contentedly, then lowered his head to look at you. “You feeling sleepy?”

You shook your head no, a shy smile on your lips.

Jihoon smirked slightly. “You wanna keep going?”

You nodded.

He shifted himself so that his back rested against the headboard. “Come here,” he whispers, pulling you to his lap. You both winced in sensitivity at the feeling of your core right against his softening dick, but you didn’t want to pull apart either. If anything, the small stimulation created a pit in your lower stomach for the second time of the night.

You wrapped your arms lazily around his neck while he rested one of his hands on your hips and used the other one to rub your back. “How are you feeling?” he asked, eyes soft and full of affection.

You pressed a long, gentle kiss to his lips. “Good. Really good,” you said, making him chuckle.

“Good. Me too.”

You made out lazily, lips moving languidly against each other, neither of you in a rush to get anywhere. But after some time, you started to feel Jihoon hardening under you, and when you rocked your hips against him, coating his growing erection with arousal, he groaned. His hands traveled down to your ass, grabbing hard at the skin there as he helped you rock back and forth against him. You started out slowly at first, moaning every time your clit brushed against his tip, but it wasn’t long before you sped things up and lost yourself in pleasure once again. Your arms tightened their hold around his neck and, burying your face in his neck, you pressed your chest flush to his and muffled your moans against his skin, in both pleasure and frustration at having him right against you but not inside.

You suddenly lifted your head, and the look on your face made Jihoon instantly stop. “Is everything okay, baby?”

You nodded, but your worry was still evident in the crease of your brows. “Yeah, I just…” You pouted. “I’m scared it’ll hurt, Hoon.”

Jihoon caressed the side of your cheek with his palm, brushing some hair away from your face. “We don’t have to do this today-”

“No!” you exclaimed, taking the both of you aback. “I want to.”

“Okay.”

“I’m just a little bit nervous.”

“Okay. That’s okay, baby.” One of his hands rubbed reassuring circles into your lower back. “We can go as slow as you want, okay? And we can stop whenever you want. Just let me know. Does that sound good?”

You nodded, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, it does.”

Jihoon smiled and pressed his lips to yours. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” you whispered.

He helped you lay on your back against the mattress and hovered over you, propping himself up on one forearm. As he kissed you, he caressed one of your thighs, hand inching closer and closer to your core and making your blood rush with anticipation. Then he finally pressed two fingers to your folds, gathering up some of your arousal 

before sliding his digits inside of you. As you gasped out in pleasure, his lips trailed away from your lips and found a new home in your neck.

He scissored his fingers inside of you, stretching you out and getting you ready for him as he murmured words of “you’re doing so well” and “I’ll make you feel good,” as if he wasn’t already. When you seemed relaxed enough, he slid his fingers out of you, smiling at you mischievously while he sucked your arousal off of them. Then, taking his dick by the base, he rubbed his tip along your folds, making your body twitch and loud moans escape your mouth. He pressed a final kiss to your cheek and buried his face in your neck, trying to ground himself too as he slowly started pushing himself inside of you.

His dick was so much bigger than his fingers, and you gripped his hair tightly as you got used to the new sensation. Tears prickled in your eyes, the unexpected stretch making you frown in discomfort. It was a completely different pain to what you were used to, but the overwhelming pleasure mixed with it made it almost welcome. 

Jihoon was using all of his self-control to not pound you into tomorrow - your tight pussy was sucking him right in, and it was like his whole body sighed of relief when he bottomed out. He couldn’t believe he was inside you, feeling your walls clench around him and hearing your soft grunts as you got used to him. It was a scene right out of his wet dreams. 

“You okay?” he asked, voice muffled against your skin. His voice sounded strained and heavy. 

“I’m okay, Hoonie. I just need a minute.”

For that minute, as you breathed shallowly and relaxed around him, Jihoon pressed wet kisses wherever his lips could reach and twirled one of your nipples between two fingers to take your mind off of your pain. 

“Take your time. I know I’m big, baby,” he said. You could hear the smirk in his voice.

“No, you’re just right, Hoon. It feels nice now.” 

Objectively, Jihoon knew that this was a good thing, and that you had meant in a good way - better for him to fit right inside rather than cause you pain, but a part of his ego had still been hurt by your refutal of his claim. But then you told him he could move, and he forgot all about it.

It took him another superhuman kind of effort to go slow, slowly rolling his hips against yours with a self-control he didn’t know he had. He scanned your face for any signs of discomfort, kissing your small frown in the hope it might go away. He watched as your jaw relaxed and the soft hums escaping your throat turned into moans, as the crease in your eyebrows softened and turned into one of pleasure rather than pain. He allowed his movements to speed up, noting with satisfaction the increasing volume of the noises you were making and the way your fingernails dug into the skin of his shoulders.

He lifted himself on his palms and hooked one of your legs around his hips, the new, deeper angle having you seeing stars. He asked if you were okay again, and when you not only nodded yes, but asked him to go faster, Jihoon had to admit he got a little bit carried away, both in his actions and his words. 

Jihoon had a big mouth - you knew it, everyone knew it. What you didn’t know was that he would keep that big mouth even balls-deep inside you.

Maintaining a fast pace, he lowered himself so that his lips tickled your ear as he spoke. “You’re doing so well, baby. Taking my cock like the good girl you are. Isn’t that right? You’re my good girl,” he grunted, punctuating his words with harsh rolls of his hips into yours. You couldn’t even get yourself to answer, that’s how far gone you were, his words going into your one ear and coming out the other. All you could think about was how good it all felt, from his tip repeatedly hitting that delicious spot inside of you to the feeling of his warm, sticky skin against yours. The room smelled of sweat and arousal and was filled with all sorts of noises - your heavy breathing, your moans, your grunts, the wet sound of Jihoon’s dick inside of you.

“Can’t even say anything, can you? Am I making you feel that good, baby?”

You moaned, thinking that should be enough of a yes for him, but you should’ve known better. 

“I think you should answer me when I ask you a question, Y/N,” he commanded, slowing his pace down to get you to listen to him.

“Y-yes, it feels so good, Hoon,” you replied, out-of-breath.

“Attagirl,” he whispered, smiling as he bit the lobe of your ear. 

You hadn’t even realized you were crying until Jihoon halted in his motions, feeling one of your hot, wet tears on his palm. He was quick to wipe it away, searching for any pain in your features, but you only whined, asking him why he’d stopped. 

“Why are you crying, baby? Did I hurt you? Are you okay?” he asked frantically. The worry in his voice only amplified your already overflowing love for him.

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong, I just… God, this is so embarrassing,” you all but sobbed against his skin, realizing that the pleasure had been so overwhelming, tears had started flowing from your eyes. 

“No, it’s not.”

You screwed your eyes shut for a second before meeting his gaze again. “I just- it feels so good, Hoon.”

A pause passed as he took a deep breath. “Is that it?”

“It is, I promise. Please, just… let’s keep going, Hoonie. I was so close,” you whined, and Jihoon couldn’t help but chuckle at your desperation. How was it that he still found you so adorable even in such a situation?

“Okay, baby. I’m relieved.” He wiped more of your tears that had fallen, but as soon as he moved inside of you again, taking a minute to return to his previous harsh pace, your tears resumed streaking down your cheeks. Jihoon kissed them, savoring their salty taste on his tongue.

It didn’t take long for the knot in your stomach to become tight again, and with every deep thrust, you felt yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. 

“You look so pretty like this, sweetheart. All fucked out for me.”

“Mm. I’m so close, Hoon, gonna- fuck, gonna-”

“You’re gonna cum for me, baby? Gonna cum and make a mess all over my cock?”

“Yes, Hoon, fuck-”

You gasped out loud as his hand found your clit again, using his thumb to rub quick circles into the sensitive bundle of nerves. “Cum for me, sweetheart, show me how good it feels.”

That did it for you. Your second orgasm of the night washed over you, making you release your loudest moan yet. You held on to Jihoon like you might fall apart if you didn’t. 

The quick clenching and unclenching of your walls around Jihoon’s dick as he fucked you throughout your high drove him crazy and, soon enough, he came undone himself, hot, white ropes of his cum filling you up. The squelch as he fucked his cum into you, the both of you moaning in overstimulation, was nothing short of pornographic. 

Jihoon all but collapsed on top of you, humming as you traced your fingernails up and down his back. You took a few minutes to collect yourselves, and you thought he might have fallen asleep, soft dick still inside you, when he lifted himself up with a sigh and slid out of you. You winced at the loss of his warmth. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and said he’d be back in a sec. 

When he entered your room again, he was carrying a towel, a tall glass of water, and leftovers from your takeout earlier. He cleaned you off and asked you how you felt, then you chatted as you ate your food. You could pass out at any moment, but it was nice, talking a little bit after the moment you shared instead of falling asleep straight away. 

He almost choked on his water when you asked him where he’d learned to talk so dirty - now that he was out of the moment, his cheeks reddened at the thought of everything he’d told you. “It just comes naturally,” he’d said shyly.

“Do you want anything?” he asked when you were done eating. 

You kissed him, smiling against his lips. “I’m all good, Hoon. You?”

He mirrored your smile. “All good, too.”

“I just wanna cuddle and sleep now. I’m spent.”

“Sounds perfect to me,” he whispered. He laid down on his back and you followed, letting him wrap an arm around your shoulder while you rested your head on his chest. He drew you close to him and pulled the blankets over your intertwined bodies. “Is it creepy if I just stare at you for a little bit?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“But you’re so pretty,” Jihoon pouted.

“I’ll just sleep and pretend I don’t know anything about it.”

“Okay, just don’t panic if you feel a strange but very attractive presence looming over you.”

You snorted. “Noted. Night, Hoon.” You pressed a kiss to his neck and he hummed.

“Night, pretty. Sleep tight.”

--

When you woke up a few hours later, your room was bathing in the bright yellow glow of the early morning. You and Jihoon had shifted positions in the night and you’d ended up curled up on your side, back to him while he slept on his back, arms sprayed out next to him. It was the feeling of him shifting closer to you and wrapping an arm around your waist that had awoken you, a sudden warmth engulfing your body that made you feel like you might still be dreaming.

But no, it was all very real. From the man behind you, to the events of the previous night, to the dull but not unpleasant ache you felt between your legs. You sighed contentedly, taking his hand in yours and wrapping it tighter around yourself. 

Curious to see if he was awake, you turned around after a few minutes and faced him. He seemed pretty passed out until you pressed a soft kiss to his nose, then another to his cheek. His eyebrows creased for a second and his foot moved against yours. He didn’t open his eyes, but he pursed his lips for a kiss. He wasn’t content with just a peck, however, and you found yourself making out with him first thing in the morning, lips full of sleep and cotton-soft like your pillows. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve dreamed of this,” he says after a while, keeping his eyes closed, morning voice sending chills down your spine. “Waking up next to you.”

“You have?”

“I have. I don’t know if I should freak out over this and have a party or just be chill about it,” he said, smiling.

“We can have a party.”

“Really?” Jihoon asked, opening his eyes wide, excited like a kid who was just told they were going to Disneyland.

“Sure,” you giggled. “We can invite all of our friends and celebrate our one-week anniversary or something. Minjeong will probably want to plan it.”

He sighed happily. “I’m holding you to that. We’re celebrating.”

After lazing around in bed for a couple hours, going back and forth between chatting while cuddling and making out, your growling stomachs forced you out of your room and into the kitchen.

You and Jihoon noticed it at the same time. It was hard to miss, after all - a bright pink sheet of A4 paper with hearts and little Cupids everywhere right in the middle of the surface of your fridge, but more importantly, your name and Jihoon’s in big bubble letters with 99% in the middle. You wanted to rip it from the surface of your fridge, but the damage had been done - index pointed at the paper, Jihoon turned to you with an incredulous look on his face. You scratched the back of your neck and looked around the kitchen for a way to escape.

“Y/N, what’s this?” Jihoon asked, amusement laced in his voice.

You tried to find some sort of excuse, but to no avail. “This is just, um- you know, just a, uh, just-” The sound of Jihoon’s cackles interrupted you. You looked at him, unimpressed. “Don’t laugh at me. I was stressing out, okay? I needed something to reassure me.”

Jihoon was grinning wide as he pulled you into a hug, one arm around your waist and one hand on the back of your head. “You’re so adorable,” he mused, pressing a kiss to your hair. You wrapped your arms around his middle and nuzzled your nose against his neck, the comforting scent of his skin making you forget about your embarrassment. 

He leaned away slightly and took the paper off of the fridge, smiling down at it. “As cute as this is, you don’t need it. I’ll show you everyday that I’m the perfect man for you, okay?”

You mirrored his smile. “Okay.” Even when your lips found each other, you couldn’t stop smiling, giggles escaping from your lips into his. You only laughed harder when he started pressing small kisses all over your face, making sure to not miss a single spot. He pressed a final one to your forehead before resting his against it, both of you closing your eyes and relishing in each other’s presence. 

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

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[manicpixiefelix]

alone with you

{ One-Shot for head, heart, hand. }

Summary: In a slight diversion from the events of he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way), Felix finds you outside the maze, and can't bring himself to believe you're anything more than passed out. So in denial, he brings you inside, gets you cleaned up, and dwells on the events of the night before, waiting for a best friend who will never wake up.

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons. THERE IS A MOMENT WHERE FELIX PICKS UP AND CARRIES THE READER, I APOLOGISE IF THIS IS IMMERSION BREAKING FOR ANYONE.

Warnings: you are dead in this one. ANGST, felix being in absolute denial to the point where its upsetting, felix dwelling on the argument from oliver's party and being in absolute misery. sad times at saltburn. so much denial and angst. felix interacting with your dead body as if it's alive (taking care of after a night out, nothing more)

A/N: 3103 words. so this is based on this beautiful prompt by @r1dd1kulus, however i do have to apologise that i tweaked the original prompt. it's mainly now just felix being in massive, upsetting denial and a study on reader & felix & the maze & the fight. i would have loved to include the lunch scene and the family being shocked and possibly playing along, but i'm genuinly sorry but i couldn't get it to work in a way that didn't feel like Weekend At Bernie's. which is a terrible thing to refernce at the start of my arguably saddest fic yet. love u, please let me know what you think, especially because i did some fuckery with the style and formatting idk have a time :o)

The poem used in the fic is the first stanza of Love's Philosophy by Percy Shelly.

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

----

"Fi, please -"

"God you're cold," Felix pulls you into his lap, limp, quiet, still in those beautiful green garments from the party, "can't believe you slept out here, no wonder you're freezing," he mumbled to himself. Its still early, only just broken dawn, but he's been up all night, searching for you.

Without thinking, he pulls off his robe, maroon and still fluffy from a recent wash, and gently manoeuvres you to get it on. Now in the same white singlet from the night before and his pyjama shorts, he cradles you to him.

"Sorry for getting mad last night," he mumbled into your hair, delicately picking leaves and grass from you, "and making you wait out here; I should have known," his breath catches; he holds you tighter, "really should have known, of course you'd be out here." Then, barely above a whisper, he takes your ice cold hand, "love you."

When you're quiet still, unresponsive, he thinks about how messed up you were when he last saw you, stumbling, almost faceplanting on the dancefloor, how he'd chosen to leave you like that. Another wave of guilt, another apology murmured against the cool skin of your temple. It had been a truly rough state, no wonder it had hit you so hard. So he scoops you up, keeps you close, and carries you back to the house.

"Fi, please -"

"Duncan," he calls out, seeing the tail of the butler disappearing around a corner as he cradles you, carries you up the stairs. Duncan stops, peers back around, tired look in his eyes; Felix wonders if he'd slept either, "Y/N had a rough night, we'll be taking breakfast in our room," he informs. Duncan gives a tight-lipped smile and nods, gaze momentarily sliding to you in his arms.

"Will there be anything else, Sir?" When he means is everything okay?

"That's all, thank you, Duncan," Felix returned the tight smile and continued on his way.

He's not sure if he should be annoyed or concerned at your stubbornness, but he is gentle with you nonetheless, closes his bedroom door behind him with his foot and takes you straight to the bathroom.

"I didn't mean it," he murmurs, picking the pearls out of your hair that he'd watched you meticulously place the night before. You're propped up in the bath, and he's kneeling beside, desperately hoping you'll open your eyes to the sound of his voice, "about wanting you out for the rest of Summer, I couldn't even go one night." Everything he does is with care, wiping off your makeup, "don't know what I'm going to do when the semester starts," he says distractedly, "can you pull the kind of strings to let us share a room? If anyone could it would be you."

He takes his time with removing your costume, respectful of the detail you'd put into it, not wanting to damage any part if he could help it. When he runs the bath he apologises for it being so cold at first, but makes sure it never gets too hot.

"Let's get you warmed up," he's seen you naked more times than he could ever count; there's nothing lewd about this moment, all he wants is to take care of you. For just a moment, he holds your wrist, fingers against the soft skin where your pulse should beat. It must be weak after last night, or he's misremembering and holding the wrong spot, "love, can you hear me?" ("Fi-") Fear flickers in his heart briefly, but he disregards it out of hand, "remind me to never let you get this fucked up again," he tries to calm his own nervous heart. ("Please -")

He washes the sweat and grime and dirt of the night off with the body wash of yours that he's always loved the smell of, even if his own clothes are sopping wet from the effort by the time he's done.

"Better?" No response, "well when you wake up you should be feeling better at least. Warmer too."

And he dries you, and dresses you in the most comfortable clothes he knows you own, and tucks you into bed, telling you with a sigh to sleep it off. The clothes he throws on himself are comfortable too, the sweater he chooses from the back of his closet has always been too big on him, but he feels like he needs it now, needs to pull the collar up over his face for just a second to hide in it from the world. But just a second. Because he's fine, he tells himself, everything's fine.

There's two plates of food at the door; he's not sure if you'll be up to eat your before lunch, so he puts it on the dresser, shoving aside the delicate and meticulously chosen jewels and accessories you'd collected for both costumes last night that neither of you even touched. When he thinks too hard about the disappointed, heartbroken look you'd given him when he'd disregarded so much of your hard work last night, a lump forms in his throat.

So he heads to his balcony to eat, and try not to think about last night.

"Fi, please -"

But he can't. The details haunt him with how they all blur into each other. Laughter and lights, trying to drown out the betrayal of Oliver, the way you were please edging on betraying him too it seemed. Everything getting better, getting worse in a cycle - "I'm not a monster for having a heart, Felix."

He feels like a fucking monster.

The truth he'd called audacity and blamed on the drugs in the box that you'd pushed into his hands as you'd flayed his already damaged ego -

"You just don't like what the lies he used to keep you around say about you."

"I'm done with you."

He's never regretted something so immediately, but you knew him best, if anyone was going to be able to tear him apart at the seams, it would have always been you.

"I'm done with you."

"I'm done with you."

But he was too wounded to do anything but double down. Kick you out. Fuck.

"Fi, please -" he'd made you cry. He was going to spend the rest of his life apologising to you for last night, and even then he'd never feel like it was enough. Because he was fucking aching, and hated himself, and saw you through the crowd when it hit him just how badly he'd fucked up. Couldn't face himself, his mistakes. Double down; he could blame it on the alcohol or the drugs or the betrayal, but it was his own fucking fault. Fuck. Instead of just enjoying the night, he watches Oliver catch you before you can fall, and he feels the spite and self loathing in his veins.

India was pretty and willing and there. When he takes her by the hand and tells her how magical the maze is, he's only thinking of you. He's thinking of every time he'd ever suggested trying to get lost in the maze because he was bored, and every time you'd followed him in without question. He remembers making out and hooking up and giggling as the two of you hid from Farleigh and Venetia; you two knew the maze far better than anyone else did, it was your place.

And he thinks about the evening where he found you with a copy of one of the many books from the library, laying in the middle of the maze, frowning up at it. Seventeen, hiding from the last days of Summer heat before it was back to school.

"Percy Shelly," you recognised Felix by his footsteps; no-one in the world could ever know him better, "writes nothing like his wife," you announced. He's having trouble getting a read on how you feel about this. But you snap the book closed and sit up, "what are you up to?"

"I wanted to see what you were up to."

Groaning loudly, you flopped back down, clearly bored out of your mind. You announce that you want to do something, but you don't want to be around people - Felix doesn't count, Felix never counts when you talked like that, he was yours, and you were his; indefinable. So he gets snacks and you have a picnic, but as it gets dark enough to see the stars, you're still strangely in your head. He's leading, because sometimes you get like this, even at this age, so you loop a finger through one of his belt loops and trust him to lead you to safety while your focus drifts elsewhere. He's even carrying that Percy Shelly book for you. It's a years old tradition; the maze always seemed to put some kind of spell on you. Sometimes Felix could even feel it too. This place was your place, this place was magic.

When he glances back, you're looking into the hedges, fingers snagging on the leaves, dipping further in to where all the vines and branches twist together and become impenetrable. Lips moving, he can't quite hear what you're saying, surprised that you're saying anything at all, but he can't help but stop. You run into him, and it's like the spell is broken.

"Everything okay? Sorry I was -"

"- talking to yourself," he laughs, but not unkindly. Judging by your suddenly pensive expression, however, you seemed to have been at least aware that you were doing it.

"Thinking about one of the Shelly poems actually, he's actually pretty alright, even if it isn't Frankenstein."

"Wait, he's Mister Missus Frankenstein -?" it's genuinely news to him, even at seventeen himself, but you clearly find his wording endearing.

"Yeah, but he's a poet," you grin. Very suddenly you look to your hand, still out, finger looped in Felix's belt loop by his hip, "um, he's good is all," Felix isn't used to you sounding flustered and is a bit caught off guard by it. He knows you don't judge each other, you never have -

"Which one?"

"No, it's- I don't remember, I'll get it wrong or something, it's stupid, I was just trying to do some Summer reading for school -"

"Come on, you were just -"

"Dunno, Fi, I forgot!" You practically shouted, taking your hand back to cross your arms, shrinking in on yourself in a surprisingly childish manner. Felix goes very quiet as he tells you it's okay, that you should just head back, it doesn't matter. Your footsteps still follow him, however, even as he makes a wrong turn in his confused, vaguely upset state. You don't correct him, you don't leave him, you just follow him, as you always have.

He hears your deep breath when you take it, hears you sigh in the way that means you're settling yourself, and it's like he can physically feel his heart ease when he feels that same pressure by his hip. Two fingers this time, curled in his belt loop. He doesn't look back, he still gives you whatever space you need -

"The fountains, um, mingle with the river," he can hear the awkward nerves in your voice when you start speaking, but he knows better than to interrupt, "and the rivers with the ocean, the winds of -" you pause for a long time, he can only imagine your face scrunched up as you tried to remember, "gimme a sec," you muttered, "this isn't quite the part I keep thinking about so I haven't been thinking about it as much."

"Surprised you even remember this much; your memory is so cool," Felix means it very genuinely, and your abashed laughter is like music to his ears.

"Okay, I think it's; the winds of heaven mix forever with a sweet emotion..." you trail off.

"It's nice," Felix offers, but you're quiet. Actually, you stop; it tugs on his belt loop.

"'s not the part," you frown, but can't look at him, "and I keep thinking about this part, and then I feel weird for thinking about it, because I'm like, this feels... like too much. Like I feel like a freak, even though, like, we're us."

You and Felix had been YouAndFelix for years by this point.

"What poem is it?" Felix asks softly, beginning to open the book, but your face scrunches up in embarrassment, snatching it out of his hands with your free one.

"Fuck, don't read it, fine -" you tuck the book under your arm for safekeeping, wearing an embarrassed little scowl. Then, under your breath you admit, "read it like twenty times, just this one bit, it's burned into my brain it feels like." And you let go of his belt loop, crossing your arms as you nervously shift your weight from one foot to the other.

"Spit it out or I'm going to make you do it in a way that's, like infinitely more embarrassing, and I won't let you leave until you do it that way," Felix threatens. You make a face, asking what the hell he intends to do; Felix puffs out his chest, "I'm gonna make you tell me it like it's one of mum's trashy Mills & Boon novels that she thinks we don't know about; gonna hold your face real close and make you look me in the eyes while you say it," he pauses, deliberating, "I might make stupid faces, I am still deciding on that -"

"Okay," you say softly, all quiet and nervous and surprisingly sweet.

"What?"

"Just maybe," you give a nervous laugh, "don't make faces; it might be easier for me if you're being weird about it - why am I even doing this, you're not holding me at gunpoint, I can just -"

But then Felix is stepping up to you, two fingers delicately lifting your chin, leaning in so your faces were inches apart.

"Better?" Low and warm like he's straight out of a romance film, he takes the moment serious, smiling softly.

He can see in your eyes that you're still nervous, but there's no-one else in the world who looks at him the way you do. None of them have even come close; he doesn't know when exactly either of you realised, but neither of you have even of a shadow of a doubt that you love each other. Moments like this seem to remind him. The maze is a magical place.

"With," you take a deep breath, focusing on him and only him as you reiterated the last line you'd given just before, "a sweet emotion;" you swallowed hard, "nothing," you blink hard and restart, an endearingly nervous shake in your voice, "nothing in the world is single," you take a deep breath and oh, he knows you well enough, knows why the line hits you in the chest, the same as it just hit him, "all things by a law divine, in one spirit meet and mingle," you wet your lips, finally having gotten over your nerves. Your gentle smile makes this whole moment shine, "why not I with thine?"

Of course he kisses you, fucking of course he kisses you! Of course it takes the two of you another half hour to get out the maze despite the entrance being around the corner, what's he going to do? Not make out with you until the two of you can barely breathe? No! He'd drown himself in you and that moment if he was physically capable of it? He's never felt so damn romanced in his life!

YouAndFelix. You are his. He is yours. Undefinable. Inseparable.

In the present he was barely eating anything compared to the amount he was tearing apart until it was essentially breakfast sand. He'd felt drunk and betrayed and desperately wanted to hurt you. It was the easiest way to hurt himself.

So he took India to the place he spent years falling in love with you, and defiled that magical sacred damn space, with his cock in the first poor, willing girl who didn't even matter to him.

"Fi, please -"

He needs you to wake up soon, needs you to say something, needs you to say anything to band aid over that stupid fucking fight that he wishes more than anything that he could take -

"Fi, please -" You were sobbing. You were fucking sobbing, begging, and he left.

"Felix, darling," his mother's voice from downstairs, peering up at the balcony. Hand up, shading her eyes, the workers move around her, clean up as if she's not even there, "is Y/N still with you?"

"Yeah -" asleep, asleep, warm and resting and tucked in and safe and sleeping it all off, every bad thing from last night. Wake up. Let me say sorry.

"Duncan said they were under the weather, is everything alright?"

"Sleeping off last night," he keeps playing with his breakfast sand. The jam holding it together makes it look like viscera. Too much jam. Too much blood. Too much. All too much.

"Will you both be making it to lunch? We're about to serve."

"Yeah, I'll -" what if you don't wake up for lunch? What if it's worse than he thought? Or what if you're still being damn stubborn and the joke's on him.

Please let the joke be on him. After last night he deserves it.

"- we'll be there."

He'll do anything for you to wake up.

"You're right," he should have said, "I know you're right. I know you're trying to help me because I can't see clearly because I don't want to face the world if that's what Oliver thinks of me. Because I love him. I love him for who he is now, I don't care where he came from, but it makes me sick to think that Oliver thought I couldn't love him - couldn't even spare him a second glance, if I didn't, at first, think I have to save him.

I use the people I love. I take everything for granted, even myself. Even you; especially you. I love you the most, I use you the most. I know I don't want to lose one of the people I love the most because he bruised my ego. I know you want me to see that. And I do. And I see how good you are to me, how good you've always been.

YouAndMe. You're mine; I'm yours."

"I'm done with you."

And the last thing he hears from you is the despair in your voice, cry as he leaves -

"Fi, please -"

[moshpitgamma]

Can a feral Clay simp please get some headcanons of Troll mermaid (Troll maid? Idk-) Reader, Gender neutral preferably.

The little mermaid hyperfixation is showing with this one-

Ngl it took me a second to understand wth I was writing but I gotcha bae(Kinda made the reader like a techno troll but only the anatomy part ig🤔.Hopes that ok!!)😝🫶🏾🤍

(Yes Double Upload)

Clay x Gn! Mer-Troll Reader|| Headcannons

——————————

📚The first time he saw you he 100% got spooked and yelled (Threw his book at you)

📚That was the first time yall interacted but now you guys are happily dating (got too lazy so skip to the dating Headcannons 😌)

📚Will try to find an inventor troll to build you a makeshift tank in his pod so you guys can be closer

📚Has funny nicknames for you:Nemo, Ariel, his wife/husband/spouse, and his little swimmer

📚(This man can’t swim for shit) If you offer him help or want to teach him he will get scared and wait a little while before giving a chance

📚Likes to read to you while you’re in your tank

📚Had to clean up spills of water when you got too excited in your tank and a little came over the top

📚When he introduced you to his brothers they said y’all should recreate the little mermaid scene for where Ariel saves Eric’s life from drowning (I haven’t watched it in a long time😭)

📚If you can breathe without water like the techno trolls, he carries you around to show you around the pop village.

📚Teaches you to walk on your fins like the techno trolls

📚Has viva and poppy make you custom clothes to fit your physique

📚Cuddles and traces the patterns and shapes on your tail when he’s stressed and needs to relax.

📚If you sing to him he’ll call you his personal siren

📚Once you figure out he was in Brozone, you’re gushing about how he was your favorite and how you owned every album.

📚If anyone talks shit about you, you’re putting them fins to work and he’s ready to throw hands right then and there

📚If you decide to join his sad book club, he’s there to dry your tears and make you feel better

📚If you surprise him with a matching green jumper (but one that fits you and your tail) he is falling in love with you again and is ready to put a ring on it

📚Will ask you things about your home and your people

📚Clay will ask you to take him to your home and will want to know everything about it

📚Once he gets to see your home he is astonished to how everyone is unique and different at the same time

📚Wants to marry you asap after you learn to walk on your fins for yall anniversary

📚Loves when you find cute trinkets and give them to him as a gift (keeps all your seashell necklaces and accessories you gave him)

📚If you are a different genre Mer-Troll he is willing to learn your music and surprise you with singing your favorite song

📚If you glow like the techno trolls he calls you his little glow stick. And kinda gets annoyed at how bright you glow at night but loves how warm it makes you

I hope that’s what you asked for and if it’s ok☺️🫶🏾

[littleandless]

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON SEASON 2 FINALE: MY THOUGHTS

i mean, wow.

tyland getting some screen time yay. also, i was glad to see the trend of dyed beards represented on screen FINALLY. game of thrones shied away from that.

aegon and larys running away together…doomed yaoi</3

honestly i’m glad they made aegon’s broken dick part of show canon. first of all, he deserves it, but also…it means he’s about to get perverted in a different way. maybe larys will introduce him to voyeurism.

jacaerys has gone full-on bratty failson, which is kind of pathetic and sexy of him tbh.

ulf went from harmless idiot to dangerously irreverent soooo quickly. i know he has a dragon or whatever but he should at least pretend to kiss ass for the moment. like hugh! he knows the value of appearances.

how the hell did gwayne even find out about alicent and criston fucking? am i meant to assume he extrapolated that from the intense sniffing of the handkerchief?

i love how nihilistic criston cole has become. no more shiny white veneer, just a bald-faced suicide mission. he doesn’t fear death. the only thing holding him back since that night when alicent found him was her. and now he sees the futility of it all. so yeah, let’s embrace death! yippee!

this episode added so much to helaena’s character. after we see her and daemon interact in his weirwood vision, it cuts to her in the next scene, in the same outfit with the same facial expression. we’ve had 2 seasons of helaena making prophetic statements, but they were always full of metaphors, and her dreamer status seemed more like something that happened to her rather than something she did. but this episode turns that assumption completely on its head.

the weirwood vision was INSANE! BLOODRAVEN! DAENERYS! THE WHITE WALKERS! it reminded me that we’re being told this story for a purpose. grrm didn’t write a spin-off just for the sake of making a few extra dollars. it’s all connected. we’ve been hearing about the dance since shireen baratheon taught davos seaworth about it in season 5 and joffrey spoiled the ending in season 3 of game of thrones. and when ser duncan and baby egg finally appear on screen in a knight of the seven kingdoms, witnessing the blackfyre rebellions amd interacting with brynden rivers, things will be recontextualized yet again. the impact of all of these characters reverberates for centuries. you see it everywhere in a song of ice and fire. even if you’re not much of a reader, i implore you to read them anyway. and i’m not just saying that. even if grrm never actually finishes the series, i will die swearing that it was totally worth the read. if you have any love for these characters at all, give it a shot.

back to helaena: her scene with aemond was fucking fantastic. away from the eyes of their mother, each of them is more themselves than ever. aemond isn’t just an incel a wounded aggressor and helaena isn’t just a wounded dove. they both have a clarity of purpose, and they are in direct opposition to the other’s. aemond “come with me, help me defend us and all we hold dear” and helaena “it won’t change anything, it’s over, you’re already dead” it had me on the absolute edge of my seat. i felt like a dog in need of a stuffed animal to annihilate with my teeth. THIS IS CINEMA.

back to daemon: from his first scene in the episode, we see a resignation that wasn’t there before. he accepts the maddening nature of harrenhal, he accepts alys hovering over him at night and leading him to the weirwood tree, and he doesn’t brush off her words. he embraces the power of this place as well as the finality of what it reveals to him. there will be no more yearning or grasping, at least not for his own purposes. he knows what he must do. he submits to rhaenyra as he submits to his impending death.

the scene between alyn and corlys was so powerful. idk maybe it’s because i have daddy issues too, but it moved me a lot. watching your father forsake you for his trueborn heirs while you toil ceaselessly for survival, and then witnessing the downfall of everything he holds dear, and then finally…finally he acknowledges your value. knowing that all your success as a ship captain is attributed to the man who didn’t or couldn’t give you shit else. trying to compensate for decades-old wounds. all of this and he can still barely stand to meet your eyes. GOD.

another illicit rhaenicent scene! so much sexual potential and they just keep squandering it!

but seriously, that scene was insane. alicent has completely given up. “here, have the castle. take king’s landing. i’ll open the door for you. fuck, take my son too, take it all.”

all of their relationship encapsulated in a single conversation! everything boiled down to its base essence: i clung to honor and tradition and resented you because you didn’t, and now i’ve done some of the same things i always judged you for and i’ve realized it doesn’t matter. i just want this all to end.

that’s it, guys! that’s their whole dynamic! hell, that’s the whole show basically! but it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late!

someone redesign the sigil of house targaryen as a dragon eating its own tail and wrap this shit up

[scandalouslamb]

For the Send Me a Character meme, Coriolanus Snow please.

Ask Game Thanks, anon! I'm keeping this mostly to Snow in tbosas, because I really need to re-read the OG trilogy. (also I fell asleep writing this last night for me, and my laptop died and I had to start over, so that's why I had to take a break for a bit from answering these)

My first impression

He is the villain. (no judgment) Read this as "he's just a guy filling his role in the narrative" type comment. I was like nine when I first read THG… I wasn't having the deepest thoughts. I did like him as a character though! But there were no deeper thoughts than "he's a good villain!"

My impression now

He's so interesting! Like I don't talk about him that much but I feel like there's so much to talk about! I really love hearing my mutuals talk about him! There's so much there!

Favorite thing about that character

The way that he is shown to be capable of empathy and has every reason to not accept/support the Capitol, but he does! He does! What a tragedy! You could have put the pieces together and realized that this system is broken and will only ever harm you, and he decides to try and control it instead.

Least favorite thing

I think some people on Discord brought it up recently (el, was it el?), but his plastic surgery being kind of used to accentuate his villainy felt like a bad stereotype.

Favorite line/scene

How awful, Coriolanus thought. To have you be the first person in the world a baby sees. (Ch. 16)

Genuinely, so funny, and the rest of that scene… well, it's my favorite interaction.

Favorite interaction that character has with another

Continuing on from the scene above! Just Volumnia sharing her worldview with him! While she's stitching him up! (He's her creature :) ) She also is sharing this "we are all inherently violent" worldview with him right after he killed Bobbin… she's like offering him an emotional out. An kind of escape from guilt (whether she know it or not). Absolution. It's okay/normal you killed someone, Coriolanus! It's human nature <- according to Volumnia's worldview.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

Making eye contact with my url and pfp… Felix… Please, Coriolanus. For me. Prove me right. Prove my weird "I'm who you should be" jealousy (on both sides) correct.

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

John Gaius from The Locked Tomb! I've made the comparison before, and I won't get too into it lest I insert more TLT spoilers onto my blog.

A headcanon about that character

He does have a soft spot for the people he grew up with! Especially Clemensia and Festus! I also, however, don't think that it would save them if they become too much of a threat in his eyes, but he'd be more willing to ignore the possibility of them becoming a threat for longer than others.

(i also think that he probably kills a good chunk of his classmates, but not all of them. I think some people died more normal death, maybe a rebel attempt at an attack, maybe other Capitolite's climbing the ladder. I think he kills enough of them that some of the others suspect, and the growing horror of that person who was some sort of friend to you in the past. mwah! that's enough for me!)

A song that reminds of that character

A Mark On You by the Mountain Goats. Guys, you reached the depths of my ability to think up songs. idk if I can articulate why with this one. It's not the style for sure. But the lyrics. There's something there for me.

An unpopular opinion about that character

This isn't really an unpopular opinion, but every time I see one of those posts going around about how you shouldn't thirst over young Snow, I always think "honestly, I'm really shocked that there wasn't this level of thirst for older Snow." But also I like hanging out at the geriatric ward of Panem so maybe I'm biased.

Also again, not really an unpopular opinion where I hang out but maybe out in the world, it is idk. I don't think he's a lady's man or anything like that. I don't think he's like sleeping around even when he gains confidence after becoming financially secure. (but I respect everyone's different interpretations!)

Favorite picture

I mean... of course, it's from one of my favorite scenes!

But also I love Snow laughing at his execution <3

[hyperfixat]

so, i played this game mindmindmind by @chattercap and i loved it so much! def go play it if you have the means to do so — i doubt this will get as much traction as my other fics do, but i really just had to write this!! also its so odd knowing that im tagging the creator so im extra sorry if i mischaracterize him >.< 

i went forward with my writing assuming (after a thorough mental debate) that geist can interact w the physical world around him, but only when he stirs enough turmoil within you. like there are moments within the game where he touches you and ur phone, but. idk. it feels different somehoe.

while playing the game i really tried to get the ‘good’ ending where you ‘defeat’ geist but he’s so alluring!!1 my goodness if i didn’t melt at the end — man oh man. this is literally word vomit of a situation trying to evoke a similar emotion to that scene near the end where you resist or accept him (trying to avoid spoiling it TT)

quick tw for; meal skipping due to depression, depression and it’s symptoms, negative self image, and just, all around you don’t start or end in a good place mentally., also burns from hot water.  nothing deadly or anything, but like. burns.

honestly i didn’t have many ideas my brain was just kinda rotting over him TT so this is what my sleep deprived  mind came up with. but ykaow its something (also ignore any canon divergence, it's about vibes not canon.. )  not proof read.  1.6k words.

Your body creaks like rusty hinges when you dragged yourself out of bed, the time already reading half past noon.  Too late for breakfast, not that you were likely to have made anything anyway.

There’s a calm in the kitchen, though you can’t bring yourself to fully appreciate it.  At least Geist hasn’t made himself known as of yet.  That’d be just what you needed on a day like this.  (Sarcastic.) 

The electric kettle boils on its socket and you stand too close to it in an attempt to bring warmth to your tired body.  Despite having slept into the afternoon there’s an ever-lingering tired that clings to your whole body.  Only when steam starts to pour from the kettle and you risk getting burned if you remain stagnant for longer do you move to prepare your instant ramen.

Your arms feel weak when you lift the kettle and that’s a sign for what is to come, in hindsight.  Perhaps you should have taken the time to move the styrofoam container to the table and pour your water on a clearer surface than your tiny counters.  You do manage to pour an adequate amount of near-boiling water in the cup, but you also pour an adequate amount all over your counter and clothes.

You hiss out in pain, tossing the (now empty) kettle on a free section of stovetop. 

“Oh dear, what have we here?”  The only thing that can make this situation worse. You can never be the only one to bear witness to your failures, can you?

Gritting your teeth, you pull the steaming clothes away from your skin, making a hurried scuttle to your bedroom.  Luckily the only clothes you bothered to wear to bed last night was a large shirt, one that slips off of your body easily, despite being soaked.  You maneuver to the bathroom, taking in the red hue of your torso.  

“Fuck me,” you groan, running a hand over the skin before hissing at the heat.  It seems you’re being forced to take that shower you’ve been putting off.  You feel a presence in the doorway and ghostly green eyes track your moves to the bath as you turn on the cold water.  

It’s old and stained, and likely in need of a cleaning, but there is a tub attached to your shower, so you’re going to use it.  Steeling the rest of your body, you plug the tub and step into the icy water. You make yourself suppress a whimper at the cold, it doesn’t help that you already had a chill set in your body from hunger.  Your stomach clenches, a reminder of what you’d done and you sink down fully into the water.

Over the rushing of the still pouring water, you hear fabric on fabric and when you open your eyes Geist is sitting on the edge of the tub, regarding you.  His expression is hard to discern, something between cool indifference and pity. He doesn't acknowledge your state of undress, bless him for that.

His large, slender hands dip into the water, making it ripple where his fingertips hit. Geist hums as he takes in the temperature.

“What a poor thing you are,” Geist begins. “Can’t even make yourself something to eat without messing up somehow.”

You inhale deeply and close your eyes, attempting to drown out his words. He lets you sit in peace for a few moments, eventually turning the faucet off when it fills to submerge your hot chest.  

“No rebuttal?” He lets out an amused laugh, entirely unfitting of the situation.  “I see how it is.”

You hope the burns aren’t anything serious, even if they were you don’t know if you’d go to a hospital right away.  Some things go away if you ignore them hard enough.  Sadly this logic does not apply to Geist.

Being watched doesn’t make for a very relaxing bath, but you’re only there to cool your body off, and it does. You get on your shaky legs after you’ve deemed yourself far too cold to stay in there any longer and unplug the drain and turn on the shower head to rinse the bath water off (and properly clean yourself).  Geist leaves when you stand up to shower, leaving you to bask in the cool, quiet drizzle from the faucet.

After getting changed into another set of pajamas (as you don’t plan to leave the house and know you won’t change whatever you’re wearing before bed), you find Geist has made himself completely useless, taking up a seat at the small table cornered on the kitchen to form a make-shift dining room.  He’d stepped over and through the mess you’d made, favoring to make use of the scarcely used furniture.

His eyes feel like fire as they track you cleaning the kitchen.  “Are you really just going to watch?”  His eyebrows raise, as if shocked by your sudden question.

“Why, with how cold you’ve been to me I’d assume you’d want me to leave you all alone.” Geist stands, tall form looking far too elegant for his surroundings.  “But, allow me,” he grabs the cup of noodles from your hands and pours them in the garbage disposal.  “Hey-!”  Those noodles were still perfectly edible, not that there was much left in the cup rather than on the floors.

“Surely you can spare ten cents to prepare a new container.” Geist ignores your open-jawed stare, moving to grab a reusable towel and mop up the mix of broth and warm water on the counter, leaving the floor to you. 

By the time your floor is dry and no longer holds the smell of ramen broth you’re too exhausted to bother making a new cup of noodles.  You shuffle back over to your bed and fall back into the covers and try to bury yourself.

Geist stands at the foot of your bed, looking eerie in the low light.  With him carries the lingering scent of ramen.  You look away from him and avert your gaze to the dim glow of your phone.

“I made you your meal.” He can’t even call it lunch anymore, the time on your phone shows its half past four.  The act of kindness catches you off guard and you look at him, eyes dull, expecting him to laugh or throw the food on the ground and sneer, but he doesn’t.  He even has some utensils ready for you.

You slide against your headboard and pull your blankets down past your chest, gesturing that he can hand the cup to you.  He does, beginning to monologue after you take a bite.

“I had waited for you to take action, but it seems you’ve gotten to the point that you’re incapable of doing something as simple as feeding yourself.  I took it upon myself to prepare your meal, truly it’s appalling you’ve made it this far in your life.  What would have become of you if I weren’t here?” He gives a sigh, as if contemplating the horrible conditions you would face if not for him.  “A grown person, unable to properly feed themself, what’s next – do you need me to brush your teeth for you as well?”

You shrink back at the harsh words, face growing hot with shame, realizing he’s right.  You can hardly function, all you do is rot away and he’s the remediator, here to curb your decay.  Despite having plenty of broth, the noodles taste dry in your mouth and you feel the urge to ugly sob, but your eyes do not prick with tears. 

“I’m sorry.” The words come out choked with phlegm and emotion.  

“Oh, now look at you,” Geist lets out a mildly less exasperated sigh and sits on the edge of your bed, lightly, as to not spill your ramen. His hand rests on your ankle overtop of your blanket.  “I’m not mad at you, I’ll still treasure you no matter how incapable you are.”

You finish your – call it what it is – dinner, and Geist takes it to your kitchen to dispose of it.  You shiver, his voice still lingering in the air, his words haunting you.

It’s hard to be alone, it’s even harder when you’re as vulnerable as you are currently, so when Geists asks to join you, you can’t refuse the offer.

“There we go,” Geist gently moves you to the side of your bed, taking the spot next to you, his cold, cold hands resting on your sides.  “Are you going to be on your phone the whole evening, darling. That is unwise.  You’re tired.”

He’s right.  You are tired.  You let him hold you as you fall into rest, it’s nice to be held.  He holds you and doesn’t let go, even when you wake in the early hours of morning, a wave of clarity and repulsion coming over you.  

You try to push him away, claiming he’s cruel, but you’re no match for a man like him, a man who holds you as you shutter with unshed tears, cooing about how it will all be fine as long as he’s here, and letting you know he’ll stay.  And, maybe, just maybe, it will be okay as long as Geist stays with you – you only need him and as his words echo as you go back to sleep, reassured.  I’ll love you no matter how broken you are. Broken as you may be, you lie with him, knowing deep down he won’t put you back together.

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: The Boss Baby: Family Business

So would you believe me if I told you this movie is better than the first Boss Baby? I mean it's not... much better, but still, improvements were made here. Let's talk about them.

We jump foward to a now adult Tim, who has fallen out of touch with his brother Ted (the original Boss Baby) and struggles to connect with his daughter Tabitha. He soon discovers his baby Tina is on assignment from BabyCorp to stop a new villain intent on wiping out all parents. Tina gives both Ted and Tim a formula to make them both young again, recruiting their help on this mission and roping them into all sorts of Mischief ala the first movie but... like I said, marginally better.

So yeah, once again, very silly plot for a very silly movie. And yet... I don't know, it feels more... genuine than the first one did? Like it leans less on the obvious "oh look at funee baby in suit talking like a businessman" (though there is still plenty of that) and leans more on character interactions and I gotta respect that. Especially since it actually gives me a reason to care about Ted and Tim this time around, actually strengthening their bond and reflecting on how they weren't there for each other growing up like they promised they would be, and how they're given a second chance to change that now. Idk, just some pretty nice thematic stuff in there, along with Tim learning to be a better dad to his kids along the way (daddy issues in Dreamworks movies, they never stop, I Swear).

The characters here are... ok. Better than they were in the first movie, I mean fuck, the titual Boss Baby is toned down a lot and is honestly one of the least painful parts of this. Tim is also better, mostly bc he's actually an adult here so he's not your annoying kid stereotype like he was before. Tina is... kind of annoying, being the source of all of the "business baby" jokes and she grates on the nerves every now and then. Tabitha is ok though, getting some good development alongside Tim. Then we have our villain, Armstrong, who is... surprisingly funny? Like he isn't the funniest dreamworks baddie by any means, but he was certainly watchable. Hell, you could kind of say that for this movie as a whole, really.

The humor here is a little better, striking surprisingly a little more mature than last time (featuring an insane joke about agnostics like what the fuck Dreamworks I never would have thought you'd ever reference religion again after Prince of Egypt holy shit). The emotional beats also hit just a touch more, feeling a good degree less forced than the first movie's. And yet for everything this movie does well, I think its biggest problem is it drags on for far too long, just meandering with scenes that don't need to be anywhere near as long as they are, into a movie with a longer runtime than it probably should have had. It gets... tiring, after a while, and you get to the point where you just want the damn thing to end.

The animation here is really nothing special, basically looking identical to the first movie's, though I will say a few of the imagination sequences were sort of eye catching here. The music is also pretty simplistic but there were a few diagetic songs that I thought were... ok enough. Pretty unoffensive in that reguard, though of course, the pop songs just couldn't keep their nose out of this movie either.

Like I said, its far from being anything resembling good, but fuck, I watched Spirit Untamed last night and this was better than that and it was also better than the first movie, so that's gotta count for something. Even then though, it doesn't count for... that much.

Overall Rating: 4/10

Verdict: Pay tribute to the Greatest Dreamworks Character Ever: The Agnostic Kid

Previous Review (Spirit Untamed)

Next Review (The Bad Guys)

[nix-illustrating]

hiya!! it's me again!!

so i've been toying around with the idea of ADA dazai being teru and PM dazai being hanako, and i actually really love it, i only wish that teru and hanako had more interactions in the manga so that i could do more manga redraws to get the hang of drawing ADA dazai as teru. OH! and also, this is something i've been thinking a lot about and i can't decide on, do you think that dazai should have the bandage over his eye as hanazai or should he only have the bandage over his eye as shuuji (when he was alive).

another dilemma, since in this story, fyodor is dazai's twin brother, he can't exactly be russian, unless they're mum or something is russian?? and they're both half russian?? but idk if that would work or not, if not, what should I call fyodor, since he'd need to be japanese?

thanks so much for all your help so far by the way!! i've really really enjoyed talking about this au with you!!!!

here is a tezai wave drawing i did last night as a gift <3

(it took everything in me to not make the eyes bigger, because im trying to follow the jshk artstyle as closely as possible lol)

First off, this drawing is SO CUTE! You draw so well!!

Second off, while there wouldn't be many manga redraws, since this is an AU, you can make up your own scenes (maybe trying to take the characters in poses in different manga pannels and slap them together in an edit can work as a reference?)

Also, about he bandages, personally I think you should keep it, but maybe have it look worse back when he was alive, y'know? Like, Hanako!Dazai has very tidy and well kept bandages that even seem fake/like a costume to anyone less informed, but in scenes from when he was alive those bandages might look dirtier/messier (like he applied them himself without a mirror) and even have little bits of blood in them to seem recent and less well kept. Maybe also do what Beast did and have the normal bandage eye be the one from when he's dead and mirror it for when he was alive.

Well, for Fyodor's situation, I see two ways this could go: the serious and the funny.

The serious way: maybe one of their parents was russian and both of them had accents when they were alive, but because of interacting with the humans and other mysteries much more, Dazai lost the accent and Fyodor didn't (it would also be another great way to create a dissonance between Hanako!Dazai when alive and after death).

The funny way: Fyodor is making shit up. He got named after a russian man and never shut up about it. He fakes his accent like a little loser and no kne but the Dazais realize. The Dazais always call him out on it. It absolutely kills the tension. It is gloriously funny.

(It's honestly completely up to you, I personally love both of these lol)

I'm also really thankful you reached out to continue the conversation, it has been really fun to talk about this with you :D

[citrusitonit]

Do you like Dr. Stone?

If so, Can you info dump dr.Stone to me? If you want to, of course.

I could look it up myself but i mostly just want to get some of that info dump and that energy that only a fan who is hyperfixating can give often leads me to look into the media and it's fun. Idk

Hearing/seeing people (especially those i know or have interacted with) be happy and geek out about stuff is fun and i often end up wanting to check it out afterwards because of that

No worries if you don't wanna tho

no. no worries at all. in fact. you should worry.

im going to start from the beginning. and then explain each character in sequence.

senku, taiju, and yuzuriha are all best friends. senku is the extreme science guy, taiju is the brawny loud and energetic guy who has a crush on yuzuriha, and yuzuriha is a determined but reserved girl who is into crafts. (senku n taiju met during childhood while taiju met yuzuriha in middle school n introduced her to senku in the same timeframe bc she offered helped in making lightweight objects)

one day, (june 3rd 2019) taiju says to senku that hes finally gonna confess after 5 years. however when he finally meets her, bright green light envelops the whole world, and turns everyone to stone.

however, taiju retains his consciousness out of sheer willpower. Esxactly 3718 years pass, and with humans turned to stone, civilization crumbles. buildings fall down, animals take over, nature overrun cities. (note: the only creatures petrified were humans and swallow birds)

Taiju wakes n breaks from stone, naked, n is surrounded by nature. he finds senku, who was actually awake 6 monthz earlier. The only way they found out 3,718 years had passed was bc senku counted the days, and seconde in his consciousness ever since being petrified.

senku and taiju spend 6 months experimenting with petrified swallows for the revival/miracle fluid (depends on translation). in the end, its a success, but just as theyr about to revive yuzuriha they end up being cornered by lions and revive tsukasa shishio, the worlds strongest primate highschooler.

they work together n have 2 wait again to make the revival fluid. however tsukasa sees senkus abilities, and proposes to him an idea. that they should only revive the 'pure hearted youth', bc in this new world, it should be a paradise not tainted by the old world's philosophies where the greedy elders had the power. However, senku disagrees n it becomes tense between them.

Long story short they revive yuzuriha n after a little scuffle, run away to Hakone, where they can get sulfur for gunpowder to defeat tsukasa. but after accidentally lighting a fire they find out that ther r other ppl asides from them who r alive when they get a smoke signal response to their fire. sadly, tsukasa finds them, n after finding out the revival fluid formula, he kills senku.

taiju n yuzuriha run away wit senkus body n miraculously revive him using the science of the revival fluid. But since senkus known as dead, taiju n yuzuriha seprate from him. senku goes to find who made the smoke signal, while taiju n yuzuriha go to tsukasas new 'empire' as spies.

senku manages to find the mysterious person, who is trapped under a tree after they attempted to fight tsukasa. A girl named kohaku (shes blonde, and as senku finds out later, scarily strong and agile.) he eventually deduces that shes not a revived, but rather, a descendant of a revived. senku demonstrates his use of science by making a pulley and lifting the tree log. kohaku thanks him, and after camping out for the night, brings him to her village. its a primitive village, and there he meets chrome, a guy whos another 'sorcerer' (since they dont know science, they call it 'sorcery').

from then on, this is where the first arc starts.

now for my personal opinions.

i love dr stone so much because the anime is a serious, but not totally serious anime. Theres so many goofy scenes, and there are rare emotional moments. When there are, they arent overly cheesy or monologuey. also because the theme is a sort of fantasy, but its also somewhat relatable in terms of how ppl interact with each other. idk it just feels so real. everyone (EVERYONE) has their own unique personalities and features that differentiate them from each other. (except ahmm 4 some side charctrs)

the story has lots of lighthearted funny moments in every episode, n the humor is nice too. overall i am insane over this and it inspired me so much bc throughout the series senkus whole motto is to try and try and try again. it appeals very much to me bc his problems arent solved by some magical miracle. he works, and individually gathers the tools and ingredients needed for each thing he needs. and not just that, he relies on others, and others rely on him. For me, it teaches a lot of lessons about perseverance. n it feels more impacting even he doesnt do things in a snap. he sometimes finishes things in a week, a month, a day. progress takes time. and any bit of progress, even if its just a little, is still worth it. when conflict happens, he does not aim for the best scenario, but something thats atleast not the worst scenario. aside from that, he also gets nervous, he gets scared, he also gets sentimental, though ull barely notice.

in fact, he inspired me so much ive been getting into astronomy lately. Also, another thing another character taught me in this series is passion. like, pursue what you love, it doesnt have to be some long term passion. even if u feel like u shouldnt, pursue it. lets say uve taken interest in painting, paint as much as you can. never limit the desires of ur heart. tho this character was like, an heir of a huge company, rich asf. but the thing is even when he isnt rich (revived in the stone world. the title of heir means nothing now), he still manages to pursue whatever he wanted. he even says in a q and a, that "everything i did i could do through money. But if you truly love it, youll be able to find a way, even without money!!" and thats true. This type of passion also showed in tsukasas backstory. He trained, for years and years since childhood. he went boxing against full adults as a kid, accepted every interview his way, went to every show. until 18 he did so because he wanted to provide for his hospitalized sister (she was announced clinically braindead). his dad was a unemployed drunkard, and of course he needed money to keep his sister well in the hospital. he wasnt even born strong or anything. he was just an ordinary kid. but from then on he would go to free playground parks at night. hed train and train, and at his age signed himself up for ring fights. hed train hard to win against everyone hes pitted against. Just so he could give his sister gifts, and a nice hospital room.

anyways thats a super big example ramble thats what i think of dr stone yah

[astronomicalcandy]

Kimetsu no Yaiba Stage Play Act 4: Entertainment District Infiltration report

10 December 2023, 18:00 show, Tokyo Dome City Hall

Went on a getaway to Japan right after internship ended and watched kny stage play bcus it’s my current fixation (especially Tengen 😭)

The report will mostly be comments on the actors’ singing and acting because I assume everyone has watched entertainment district arc but I’ll just write whatever is fitting with the event

Report with pictures of what I could get (not much) under cut

1. Arrived at Tokyo Dome City Hall from Roppongi after lunch with friend and went to the Tokyo Revengers Last Line exhibition at Roppongi Mori Tower around 4:30 pm bcus the show I bought starts at 6 pm and queue opens at 5. I arrived early to exchange my online ticket with a physical one (this is required and was mentioned early in the website upon purchasing the ticket)

2. Lined up and redeemed my ticket. Went inside to find my area seat written in the ticket (balcony 1, row 7, seat 79) and at this point I was conflicted if I should buy merch first or just wait until the end 😭😭😭😭😭 I‘ve never been to this place before so I went to look for my seat first. They don’t let you in until 15 minutes before show starts so we had to wait at the lobby

3. While waiting for the show to start, I gave out my muscle mice stickers that I just cut and wrote a small message at the back last night to the people that sat beside me. A seat to my left were two lovely couple from Canada. They reached out to me on Instagram a couple of days after the show 💕 and a seat to my right were two friends that went to see the show together. They were lovely as well 💜 I’m so happy that people seem to like the stickers

4. Before the show starts, they let us take pictures but not videos of the stage. It’s super pretty!!!

I love that they decided the ensembles to come out, walk around and interact with each other. Like a real entertainment district

5. The show starts with an opening number from all of the casts. The story starts from when Tengen captured Aoi and another butterfly mansion helper to help him with his mission. That scene was showed through a screen. THEN BAM TENGEN MY BELOVED?!!!??! he’s so… he really is flashy in real life I fr couldn’t take my eyes off him 😭😭😭😭 OK SEE u know Tengen’s headband right? When the spotlight hits, it shines and dazzles a lot I’m so. IDK LIKE IM SPEECHLESS I GUESS never thought it would look that way (ITS PRETY) he also runs with his arms behind he’s so cute 😭💙 stage play Tengen ponytail is longer than manga/anime and that made him look cute too… (u can tell that I just looked at him whenever he’s on stage HAHAAH)

6. Sending off the Kamaboko team to work! Tengen in his yukata… pretty… the wig he wore for both uniform and yukata is really soft??? Like when he runs, his hair bounces ☁️ anyway, Kamaboko team so funny I love them sm 😭🫶 everyone clapped to Zenitsu shamisen rush play! That was fun hehe

7. Muzan comes in to see Daki. The song that the actor sang was pretty catchy and his voice is sooooo so GOOD!!!!!! Genuinely speechless. The scene where okami confronts Daki was so cool. Yknow that Daki flew above and dropped her from a height right? They used the screen to show that she was in the sky and when she dropped okami, the background showed those rush lines when she falls. I think it’s a creative way to show that! This also was done similarly when Inosuke went chasing Daki’s obi after it captured Makio in her room. Inosuke was actually running in the same spot but facing different directions along with the background. Making it look like he’s running chasing the obi in the walls

8. Ooohhhh the scene where Tengen came from behind the owner asking him about Warabi Hime’s whereabouts was so 👁️🫦👁️ then moved to when Inosuke calling the muscle mice to bring his nichirin. THE MUSCLE MICE REAL AND THEY TALK HAHAGAHSJJF yea they had 2 ensembles in black with muscle mice on their hands on the floor bringing Inosuke’s nichirin 😭😭😭😭 IT WAS SO CUTE?!!?! The song Koinatsu sang when Tanjiro is leaving the brothel was really nice ;;; bittersweet bcus she’s also leaving for someone that is willing to marry her but she’s also worried for the people she’s leaving behind the brothel 😔

9. The scene when Tengen found Hinatsuru ill and gave her an antidote… god I wish that were me… it might be just me liking the character too much but it somehow feels different in stage play than when ure reading the manga/watching the anime. Moved to Inosuke getting underground finding the obi’s nest of victims. The obi with people inside were shown through the screen. Inosuke spins while waving his swords around to cut and free the victims. There were ensembles in black moving the obi around. Very pretty! Like those gymnasts with ribbons!!! THE SCEEEENEEEEEE THE SCENE WHEN TENGEN COMES AND MET UP WITH SUMA AND MAKIO AAWHWHABWJEJFN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🫶🫶🫶 god I wish that were me!!!! (2) Tengen patting their heads was the cutest 😭💕

10. The fight scenes for a stage play were executed very well by using extra ensembles and the screen at the back. So, Tanjiro fighting Daki. Nezuko woke up and fought her. She beat Daki up and went berserk. Tanjiro sang a lullaby to calm her down and there they were, the mom with little Nezuko at the back as demon Nezuko reminiscence the past. Tanjiro actor’s singing is so good… I could listen to him sing all day 😳

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The show then entered 20 minutes break and continued with the second half. I took the chance to buy merch at this time lol

Only able to get Tengen pin and the others were mostly dupes of Inosuke, Daki and Obanai… planning to sell them soon 😭

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11. Gyuutaro appeared from Daki’s back. I love the Shabana sibling actors so so much??? 😭😭😭 they were soooo good acting as the demons!!! I couldn’t get enough. Honestly when Gyuutaro uses his sickles, it kinda look like crab waving its claws… 😭 one of Gyuutaro’s moves was his spinning blood move right? The ensembles in black come out with props spinning it around like those spinning blood move. It was so cool I was so amazed by that lmao Gyuutaro’s singing was top notch 👌👌👌 my absolute fav

12. Y’all… the scene when Hinatsuru came to shoot her kunais at Gyuutaro and everything went slo-mo, they really went slo-mo 😭 when Gyuutaro grabbed Hina by the face… that stirred something in me ngl at that moment came the flashback to when Tengen tells his wives to value their lives first then him, that song was cute. I felt the impact more during stage play. He really loves his wives equally and very much 💙💜🧡 Tengen’s siblings also appeared on stage during the flashback. Definitely didn’t expect that at all! It was very nice

13. Moving on to Kamaboko vs Daki. They made it into a number and while Inosuke was singing, Daki was at the back dancing 💃 I swear I love her so much. They made the stage play so funny and entertaining 😭👏 when Inosuke successfully cut Daki’s head, they had her actor wrapped in black cloth and Inosuke was holding it instead of just a dummy head. Inosuke then said we’re gonna run far now to Daki which wasn’t in the original and he said that so that Daki actor would be ready to run. Everyone in the hall laughed at that 😭😭😭😭😭😭

14. I can’t quite remember well the fight scenes but Tengen still had his left eye and arm fighting Gyuutaro until the end lol the fight with Gyuutaro and Daki until both of their heads were cut off were intense 🫨 lots of flashing lights and stuff were everywhere. It was cool

15. The Shabana siblings’ laid under rubble to hide their bodies so that only their heads could be seen. Gyuutaro’s past was so heart wrenching to watch. Demon Gyuutaro was even there to see his kid self being bullied and abused, demon Gyuutaro tried to stop those people away but he was just looking at his memory so the rocks still hits his kid self AND GOD THAT WAS SO PAINFUL TO WATCH. He hugged his kid self aa… demon Gyuutaro was also there to see his sister being burnt alive… AGAIN… 😭 I can’t get those scenes out of my head. It was so good, I cried along with everyone else ;;;; the part where kid Gyuutaro tried to call for help for his sister, demon Gyuutaro joined in the line and that made me welled up so badly 😭😭😭😭😭

16. In manga/anime, Daki changed to her kid self but in stage play, she was in her demon form when she begged to her brother to let her follow him. Gyuutaro carried Daki on his back to hell :( they finally cut off Tengen’s hand during the aftermath 😭😭😭 Suma actor was so cute when she yelled at Nezuko for burning her husband alive LMAOAOAAO

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Show ended, everyone clapped for the casts and ensembles. Standing ovation and the casts came out for a short comment. The time slot that I went to was the last day and last show

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My thoughts/comments

Everyone acted in character and tried to be as close as possible to source. It was such an amazing experience 😭👏 this was actually my first time went to see a stage play so I didn’t have any expectations at all.

If you guys like a series and have the chance to go for their stage play, please go!!

I was genuinely 50/50 at first bcus I know I did this for my stupidly big fixation on Tengen. My friend who’s studying there really liked BSD watched the stage play live online and she really recommended me to go for it. I’m glad I went to watch it honestly 😭

[bg3fandomcritical-active]

Welp I felt like I should throw my hat into the ring.

I am someone who enjoys Halsin, Wyll and Gale. And all I can say is outside of Gale, the other two's stories are nearly neglected or can be ignored entirely in some parts(seriously I missed recruiting Wyll cause I couldn't figure out where he was in the grove and didn't see him until I randomly found karlach and he showed up in the night)

But while Wyll's story could almost be completely ignored cause well his story relies on the player to do things for him in the sense that it more feels like he has zero spine in some of the scenes when it should be shown that he does and the only times your forced to acknowledge his storyline is finding Karlach and Mizora getting trapped in the mindflayer colony and thats about it cause fun fact you can actually miss the detail that his dads in the underwater jail in act 3. Halsin's is at least brought up a few times in act 2 but it's definitely not what it shouldn't be cause the cut content version of it would've actually made it so that he had an actual story outside of "Oh I gotta fix the lands cause my childhood friend is hurt and I'm a druid so the dying lands are bad." And at least have well ANY STORY IN ACT 3 AT ALL SERIOUSLY.

They both needed more character content and time, and before someone brings up the bear thing, I get it, it's fucking wierd as hell, and also yes Halsin shouldn't be replacing Wyll on the artwork, if anything Wyll himself should have more art in general, he's a great character that could've shown much better if more care had been put into him. Halsin also could've been a better companion if they didn't randomly throw Jaheira into the actaul cause well let's be real here that was just pure pandering to older fans of the game and also you get her at the end of act 2 which is arguably less time then you'll ever interact with Halsin(don't even get me started on Minsc don't get me wrong love the guy but he didn't need to be a party member they both should've been camp npcs.) Cause with the inclusion of Jaheira as a playable druid party member you now have 2 druids that both can do the same things which makes no sense from a part standpoint when we could've gotten someone of a different class that would've rounded things out like idk Alfira as an actaul party member instead.

I do apologize if I come off as harsh but I want people to know that well,, both of them could've gotten better character arcs and stories since they're both in act one, IF THERE WASNT TWO RANDOM FOLKS FROM THE OLDER BALDURS GATE GAMES, WHO MIND YOU ALREADY HAD THEIR STORIES AND ARCS, TAKING UP QUEST SPACE FOR PANDERING.

Seriously at least having Halsin tag along makes sense in the sense that he's grown fond of the player for helping him with the shadow curse and him being a playable druid helps give the class diversity, Jaheira as a camp npc to give you the stone lord quest would've not only made more sense but also would've free up room giving both Wyll and Halsin time for more scenes and story in act 3, hell I would've loved to see more of Wyll interacting with his father after saving him or him cursing out Mizora more for forcing him to chose between his father and his pact. I want to see a seen with Halsin showing disdain for the city for being a scourge on the wilderness outside of a companion walk around dialogue.

Tldr: Wyll deserves to have more story and be featured in more artworks and have his characyer handled better, Halsin deserves to have more story and scenes with his character and well something to do in act 3, and Jaheira and Minsc should've been camp npcs as a side quest and not companion cause they already had their stories told in the two previous baldurs gate games and didn't need to have even more in this one so that there could be room for the former two to get what they needed.

.

[partially-controlled-chaos]

So I was asked by the wonderful @beardedladyqueen to do a writer ask game! Thank you so much for the ask! This was super fun and enjoyable to do! ❤️ Update: I’ve fixed the blog media sharing because I didn’t realize it was turned off.

❤️ Favorite line:

“Tavriel came upon a clearing in the dark forest. The moon shining overhead and the sound of a nearby waterfall filling the space almost entranced her. She stepped softly into the grass, feeling the first taste of dew chill her toes as she walked. Her pace had slowed as she took in the sights around her. The grass, the trees, the babbling water nearby, and finally, the heavens above.”

Okay technically it’s not one line, but it’s still my favorite. It’s a line from Chapter 1 of Simply Transactional, an Astarion x named Tav two chapter story. It’s the first story I wrote for Baldur’s Gate 3 and the first piece of fan fiction I’ve written in about a decade. This was the first little snippet I wrote and decided to go through will a full story. It’s not super powerful or impactful, but it’s special to me because it’s the single line that brought me back into writing fiction. Also about my first Tav that I’m still emotionally connected to and this poor girl just needs some fresh air and a peaceful night.

💥Change one canon event:

I really, really wish there was an interaction between Ketheric Thorm and Isobel. (to be fair I’ve never let Isobel be taken at Last Light so idk if there is an interaction or not, but either way I’ve never seen it.) Ketheric Thorm is one of my favorite villains in recent gaming history because his story is so beautifully tragic (not the mention the whole avatar of Myrkul thing makes me so happy because I love anything remotely spooky) and I would have loved to have seen something between Ketheric and Isobel. His entire reason for turning to Shar and eventually the Absolute/Myrkul/The Chosen is essentially because of her death.

And I’m aware that he knows she’s been resurrected, but he went to such great lengths to bring her back and was ultimately driven to utter despair that a confrontation or something between them would have been nice. And while I understand the reasoning of Isobel not wanting to see her father and not want to give that piece of information away to literally anyone until after his death, I just want more angst.

And just more Ketheric content in general. J.K. Simmons did such a good job with the role and I would have loved so much more content with him.

Bonus event: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, let me give Barcus Wroot a lil platonic forehead kiss and/or a hug after we kill Wulbren Bongle. He needs it.

✍️ Ideal writing setup:

Ideally I’d use a desktop on a desk with a chair. I currently use my laptop or the notes app on my phone when I’m out in the world, and they work but realistically I’d do much better if I could sit up and write. I have to work on stories after I get off work and if I get on the couch or in bed to start writing, I’ll get two sentences in and the next thing I know I’m taking a nap. And of course that just makes writing take longer because I certainly don’t want to write right after a nap.

🚀 Outline or write as you go:

So I used to do outlines way back in the day, but now I don’t. I probably should because my current writing method is a little chaotic at best. 😬 I always know what I want the story to do and where it goes before I start writing, but I don’t write it in order. I tend to write whatever is rotting my brain first, so usually I end up jumping around and doing the story in chunks. A lot of the time I’ll also write out a bunch of the dialogue and then go back in and add the details/fluff/scene setting. I will also put like general ideas in all caps so I don’t forget the order of things. (Caps so I don’t accidentally leave that in and I’ll see it.)

[colourful-void]

ALRIGHT CLOSING UP FOR THE NIGHT: UPDATE (its long)

oh mizuki my darling my sweetie gravy i missed you so much hi mizuki hi mizuki missed youuuu

nothin on ryuki but man she's so fun to play as. it's alos just. nice that she and aiba act a lot friendlier to each other. dont get me wrong tama and ryuki's dyanmic is fun, and i know they really care about each other, but like. doing the crime scene investigation and aiba cheering mizuki on with her acting was really sweet. i loved it.

the mizuki boss daughter mother thing ramble starts here.: so i read all the profiles and glossary stuff pretty religiously, and i know that in Boss's glossary for her current profile, it says she adopted Mizuki. and if not for that it would be impossible to tell. come on gangggg that's so insanely interesting as a concept can anyone mention it like even vaguely in passing im BEGGING. i also nEED to know more on bosses First daughter, who i suspect is missing now? maybe she's related in some way to kizzy's first Big Sis?

but srsly its bugging me so bad, like that tracks w/ how casual mizuki is to her but !! it drives me insane there's a literal interaction in which boss says 'dont act like my daughter' and the take away is that mizuki SOMEHOW didnt know about bosses FIRST daughter bcs it NEVER came up?? im assuming boss just lied there and the daughter thing slipped out, (more points for boss daughter and kizzy sister same girl, both remind them of mizuki), so despite the fact that, i dont know, adopting a girl after already adopting one kind of feels like the sort of thing that would end up being mentioned somewhere in there, paticulartly considering that boss's daughter was still living with her as of one day before date died, like. she didnt come home that night and im assumin gshe never did, ran away or something??

i can't tell if the game is just setting breadcrumbs in a weird way or if they just decided boss should be a mom now and then never actually do anythin w/ it. AND SECONDLY, how is THAT the wtake away when 'dont act like my daughter' is a legitimately insane thing to say to the GIRL YOU ADOPTED. SHE LITERALLY IS YOUR DAUGHTER THAT IS HOW ADOPTION WORKS AM I LOSING MY MIND.

the mizuki boss mother daughter rant is now over. you are safe.

so putting that aside: hilarious they didn't model lien any differently. i like to think this is a repersentation of his inabilty to move on. im just. im choosing to believe that. i'm not a wheelchair user, so I can't speak to much on the whole arc kizuna's got going on here, i'm just kind of... carefully watching it. it could be... alright? but it could also drift into some territory i feel is kind of. stereotype-y?

haven't found shoma yet, on a note semi related to the mizuki boss thing. his house is identical to how it was 6 years ago down to whats been left on the floor and you're telling me he still lives there. does aitsf suddenly take place in a world where children over the age of 11 can just chill out on their own-- I SWEAR THIS MANS WIFE LEFT HIM. WHO IS WATCHING THIS CHILD. HELLO?? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?? being buddies with lien is not a legal guardian!!!!!

NOW. COMPLAINTS ASIDE> ima ctually having a lot of fun. inverted controls is a . im mixed on it on one hand it's a litttttle cheap making it physically harder instead of making more complex puzzles. on the other hand it fits so so well and its just the right level of challenge for me so i kinda love it.

but i love mizuki and aiba hanging out they're really really fun. i love what we're building with what im calling 'kanji madness ryuki'. lots of questions w/ the masked woman and the iron mask man. why does everyone hate date personally who knows.

current predictions/observations/questions: i suspect time travel. i really think time travel is involved or morphogentic fields or something i really do. this could be good or bad. idk. i could be totally wrong here, but. there's a lot more. explict stuff in teh other timelines i shouldn't know that i do. PATICULARLY WITH DAHLIA BOAT AND ALL. stupid name i love it. i wonder if its an anagram but im shit at those. its a little suspect how much mizuki route stuff i've seen actually, if we cant pull in timelines seperately.... w/ the first aitsf it wasnt rlly timelines as much as it was like 'getting date's memories back' i played zero escape im down for timeline hopping bull. lets do it!!. pelase i need mizuki roue continuation. very curious about what aiba was doing.

hopes for the future: the videos are really cool i want to do a somnium like that. pleaseee please let me do a somnium like that. i know im totally mizuki biased but. plelpelaspleaspleaseeee plEASE let me do her somnium proper you cannNOTT tease me with that mizuki route somnium with the stew and everything and the bird cage and horse GODDDD its so cool pLEASE let me play it im BEGGING. i. i want more mizuki date interactions. i want them to have another good emtional moment. like mizuki route. i dont know if u can tell i really like mizuki route. i dont know HOW we do that if we even can but. please. im begging. can we get a proper aiba and date interaction b4 the end as well. liek i know he's not the pov character anymore but after the way the last game ended you cannot just have them come back and only fight on screen thats absurd.

but yeah feelign good enjoying the game rn! im. a little worried about some stuff but in general... i hold hope.

[sukirichi]

UGH OKAY SO I WASN'T ABLE TO READ THE UPDATE ON TUESDAY BUT I READ IT WEDNESDAY NIGHT AND LET ME JUST SAY SUKI YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO FUCK WITH US READERS (with love and admiration)

I'm glad I can finally get my thoughts out cause I was so tense at the beginning of the chapter and then started breaking tf down for the rest of it 😭😭 LIKE I SHOULD BE STRONGER THAN THIS BUT WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO GODDAMN THOUGHTFUL 🤬

also small sidenote i LOVEEEEE your descriptive writing. the scenery that you portrayed put me at peace (until the tears started) 🫶

ALSO GO YN FOR SETTING THOSE RULES YEAHHHHHH PROTECT YOUR PEACE (even if it's only for a little bit)

I love that we finally got a nice easygoing chapter but I was so skeptical the whole time, especially when I realized if they invited the brothers and their wives over that included 🤢ir*s🤮 AND I WAS RIGHT

I giggled so much when I read the

But knowing Kiyoomi? He'd probably make her sleep on the floor than be anywhere near her

ugh I love him sm

speaking of Kiyoomi I feel so bad for him like why can't we have both happy endings! my heart is so torn I can't even

The last you saw of Kiyoomi was him slouched over his corner, his eyes closed and his head resting on his arm.

THAT WAS SO CRUEL IM A SOBBING MESS ATP AND THAT ONE HIT SO HARD

the SECOND kiyoomi said oh she's had a big appetite as of lately I FUCKING KNEW IT I SAID IT OUT LOUD "she's pregnant isn't she 😒"

but seriously the interactions and scenes of the brothers together made me cry even harder because suna was so happy since he's never gotten to experience that ever 😭😭😭 like poor bby but also that's not an excuse for your behavior 😍 idk I feel ok the fence about him cause on one hand he's trying really really hard and there was an anon that mentioned he's finally starting to understand love and everything but also ARE WE REALLY JUST FORGIVING HIM LIKE THAT??? COME ON.

another sidenote i love getting to see maiko and tooru get better and also the little understanding that everyone has to allow airi and shinsuke have some time 🥰🥰

ugh I just love how you write everyone's interactions and relations ‼️💕

like everyone else though I definitely thought 🤢ir*s 🤮 poisoned those cookies

I can't help but imagine the bewildered look Kiyoomi must've had when we started testing apart his room like what was running through his head 😭😭

I can't wait for the next chapter though 🛐🛐!! sorry for another barely coherent brain dump 😭⚰️

I hope your day was/is good

- 🌙 anon

hello 🌙 anon !!

and aww thank you so much !! i think i spent fifteen minutes on the scenery parts alone because i struggle with describing places so i had to keep rewriting until i was satisfied with it. i’m so happy to know you enjoyed those parts though 🥹 and yes to the house rules ! rin disrespected her space already back at the palace so some rules must be set in place

LMAOOO kiyoomi real for that 😭 he’d really rather roll around in a dirty floor than share a bed with iris, although knowing him he’d say he’ll take the bed and iris can take the couch lol, man dgaf but also he’s just so AABKSLW I WANT HIM. and yep exactly ! that was the whole dilemma of ch13, because you could see rin really was trying to do better and this is all a first for him too, yknow? he never expected he’d get to experience family dinners that wasn’t held solely to discuss politics, or having game nights with his brothers. but again, none of it excuses all the horrible things he’s done

the scene where we were tearing the room apart, kiyoomi was just like ??? but yknow, him being him, he really just lets us do our own things. and if we wanna mess with iris’ stuff, so be it 🤷🏻‍♀️ oh and fun fact, we left the room crying after finding the test and kiyoomi silently cleaned everything so iris wouldn’t notice a thing when she got back. and thank you for sharing with me your thoughts anon, i appreciate it !! i also hope you’re having a very lovely timezone 💫🌷

[sapphire-weapon]

Ada/Leon still clearly are into each other though, and I disagree with the idea that the Remakes made it so they aren’t/or they hadn't developed in or past 4.

In the 2RE round-table development video they spoke about how Aeon needed more interaction first before falling in love like they did in the OG.

4R isn't the latest we've seen of Leon and Ada chronologically. After 4R, we see them again in Damnation, where Ada insinuates they had some kind of romantic night together we never got to see, and then in 6 we see Leon tell Chris firmly that he'll defend and keep Ada alive, even under the possibility that she may have killed innocent people (even if this ended up just being Carla).

The remakes still lead into the later games, after all. Leon's feelings in 4R don't change how he feels in 6 - it just means he developed differently than we assumed. Last we've seen of them chronologically their relationship has only gotten closer, with both of them caring about each other more and more.

I guess you didn't catch Leon's constant head tilt after Ada comes into scene and also his immediate action when he saw Ada's captured. The man didn't spare a single second and even told Ashley that he knows it's a fucking trap but he's going in.

Remember, people often say things not exactly how they feel. I picked up all the small body language and actions that Leon and Ada do for each other that I firmly believe these 2 have a real thing for each other and the bond is not going to be broken no matter what.

The most telling sign to me is when Leon and Ada are on the speedboat, Leon tried to get an answer from Ada about what happened at Raccoon City and Ada never gave him a straight answer. This is not how a man who's moved on would act. If Leon moved on, he would not have even asked that question.

I don’t understand how people believe that just because there was no declaration of love given in OG2, or constant flirting like in OG4 that means they don’t like each-other anymore? If anything they just made their relationship more realistic which was their intention.

How are you really trying to justify the things that happen in games that were released in 2019 and 2023 with things that came out a decade prior? That doesn't make any sense, anon.

Damnation and RE6 came out in 2012 -- years and YEARS before the development of the games that we're talking about. The decision to pull back from the ship seems to have been made as a result of the backlash to RE6, so you can't point to RE6 and go, "this is proof that they're still dedicated to the ship." Like.

Come on, man. The response to my point of "They rewrote RE2 and RE4 to erase the romantic connection between Leon and Ada" is not "but look at the romantic connection they wrote in before that." Yeah, no kidding. You can't erase something that was never there in the first place.

I also don't understand how any of the things you're pointing at in RE4make are indicative of a romantic interest.

Tilting your head at someone is not a romantic gesture.

Refusing to leave someone to be tied up for slaughter is not a romantic gesture.

Asking someone if they have literally changed who they are as a person because you don't like/respect/want to be around the person they are/were is ABSOLUTELY NOT a romantic gesture -- and, in fact, is the complete and total opposite of what romance should be.

Like, let me just state, for the record: if a man asks you to change who you are for him, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM AND OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP. That's not a relationship that you want to be in. Period.

And, also for the record: Leon wasn't going to ask the question on the boat, because he didn't see the point in asking the question, and he even says up front that he doesn't trust her to be honest with him. He only asked it because Ada pulled it out of him, and he expected nothing less than the answer he got. I don't know how you read that as romantic and not as, idk, someone who's still trying to process the anger they feel over the trauma that they've endured. Feeling as though you still don't have closure with someone due to a traumatic event involving them is not romantic.

And it's not just the fact that they removed the declaration of love that's my point. In a vacuum and by itself, no, you're right, that doesn't mean anything. But to remove that declaration of love and then replace it with "As much as I wanted to trust you... I didn't [ever trust you at all]."? The intentions of the writers are made crystal clear when you consider those two things in tandem -- especially when you also factor in Leon acting like a total cunt to Ada throughout the entirety of RE4make for absolutely no reason other than petty childishness.

In Remake canon, it seems pretty clear to me that the relationship has been rewritten to be one-sided unrequited Ada having fallen for Leon, which sucks, because he treats her like shit and she shouldn't have to take that -- let alone be okay with taking it -- from anyone, least of all him.