#shouldn't it make you want to puke hearing his voice knowing what he did ??? how can you dance to the sound of a murderer

[gender-euphowrya]

why is the go-to reaction people have to calls Not to consume media involving super problematic people always "i'll pirate it :)" just don't fucking do that either

how do you fucking find the ability to enjoy the thing knowing the fucked up shit the people behind it did.

[jennay]

Honey Bee

Jolly Master List

PART ONE/PART TWO/

You feel your throat tighten, a knot forming as you hold your phone to your ear. You feel your chest constrict, your breaths becoming shallow and ragged. You feel your eyes well up, your vision blurring. You feel your mind racing, your thoughts spinning out of control. The amount of anxiety you felt today was enough to make you leave.

Noah will know how to help you and make you feel better. He gives you honest and practical advice without judging or blaming you. He'll support you, tell you you're not alone, and always be there for you.

You hate that you feel this way, out of place. What a change from yesterday when you fully felt you were where you were supposed to be. You hoped for a different outcome, but now you knew how Jolly felt and were thankful for it, but you also felt shattered. Why couldn't life be kind for just once and let you have what you wanted?

You hear Noah's voice on the other end, but it's not the friendly greeting you hoped for. "It's only been three days, Y/n. Why are you calling me? Shouldn't you be focusing on lover boy?" He jokes. "You must be calling to thank me, right?"

You sigh and roll your eyes at his sarcasm. "Noah, please, this is serious. I need your help."

He laughs and says, "Oh, I see. You want to come back home to me, right, cause you feel bad for leaving me for so long? Well, too bad, honey. I'm taken."

You groan, "Stop it. I know you're not dating anyone, and when I come home, it won't be to YOU because we were never together, dumbass." You giggle, "You've hit full delusion without me there, huh?"

"I mean, I've had a lot of time to myself, and I've spent a lot of it in my room talking to George." He chuckles, "Anyway, what can I do for you, buttercup?"

As you walk through the tiny backyard, you admire the vibrant flowers and herbs that Jolly has grown in his garden. He's away at his mom's place, but you still feel nervous when you speak out loud. It's like you are afraid once the words come out, they will be true, and once you admit it to Noah, there is no turning back.

"I need to come home." You say, biting your lip. "I can't be here another day." You feel yourself choke over your words.

You hear him close the door on his side, and the phone crackles as he moves it closer to his mouth. "What do you mean?" He asks, sounding more concerned now. He clears his throat and lowers his voice, "Did something happen?"

"I can't talk about it at the moment. I already feel like I'm going to puke." You say, sniffing back your tears.

You can tell that Noah is getting anxious. "Did he hurt you?" He asks, his voice hard and furious. "Cause I'll come there, and I'll sort that shit out immediately."

You shake your head, even though he can't see you through the phone. "No, he didn't hurt me. Not physically, anyway." You pause, wondering how to ask him for a favor. You hate to impose on him, but you have no other option. You need to get away from this place as soon as possible. "I was just wondering if maybe you could help me out with the ticket." You whisper, hoping he won't get angry. You know you can't afford a last-minute flight back home.

Noah sighs, "Yeah, I'll see what I can find for today." The line goes silent for a moment, and when Noah speaks again, he's more gentle and kind, "I don't know what happened, but I want you to know it's going to be OK." He sounds sincere and caring, and you feel a sense of gratitude.

You feel your eyes water, but you quickly wipe them away. You don't want to cry in front of him, even if he can't see you. You want to be strong and brave like he always says you are. "I'll talk to you later." You say, trying to sound cheerful. You hang up the phone and take a deep breath. You hope he can find a ticket for you. You could really use a Noah hug about now.

Jolly sank into the recliner, facing his mom on the couch. He couldn't look at her; he felt too embarrassed and conflicted. He kept replaying the events of last night in his head, wondering if you hated him. He knew you were hurt; you barely said a word to him for the rest of the night. He saw you lying on the couch, pretending to be asleep, but he could see your eyes flickering and your body tensing.

He wanted to tell you how much he wished things were different. He wanted to kiss you and make you feel loved and be your hero and protector, but he thought he had no right to do that. He felt like he was trespassing on something that belonged to Noah.

He thought he should back off and let you sort things out with your best friend. He couldn't shake the feeling that you had hidden feelings for Noah, even though you denied it.

You and Noah seemed perfect for each other. You had known each other for so long, had your own jokes and secrets, and shared many interests. You spent a lot of time together, and Jolly knew when you did stay the night at their place, you were always in Noah's room. He couldn't help but imagine what you did behind closed doors.

"Joakim," His mother says, breaking the silence. "Is this about that girl?" She asks, noticing his gloomy mood.

He doesn't look up, afraid of what he'll see in his mother's eyes. He knows she's worried about him, but he doesn't want to disappoint her. He continues staring at the floor and nods slightly, "I should have listened to her and kissed her. I think I ruined everything." He leans forward, resting his face in his hands, and sighs.

"Tell me what happened." She urges, moving closer to him on the couch. He sits up and crosses one leg over the other, finally meeting his mother's matching irises. "I messed it up." He groans. "We had this fun day, and at the end of the night, she leaned in for a kiss, and I turned her down."

She nods, listening, "Why, I thought you liked this one?"

He shrugs. "I do. I have, for a long time."

"What is the problem? Did you forget to tell me she was married or unavailable?" She asks, growing concerned that her son has fallen into a trap.

Jolly shakes his head, "I think she has feelings for Noah, and Noah has feelings for her, but they won't admit it." He tells her, feeling the pain crushing him all over again.

"Joakim Oskar Patrik Karlsson, I love you, but you're not very bright sometimes." She laughs, "She came all this way to see you. She wanted you to kiss her. Isn't that enough evidence?"

Jolly's eyes widen, "But Noah-"

"What about Noah? She said she doesn't have feelings for Noah. You need to believe her, and if this is what you want, why aren't you going after it?" She sighs, growing slightly frustrated, "Men." She mutters. "I raised you better than this." She stands up, walks to the front door, and opens it. "Get out."

Jolly looks at his mother with confusion, "What?" He stands up, "You're kicking me out?"

"Go talk to her. Tell her everything because if you don't, she will move on, and there will be others, and you will regret this forever." She was right; he needed to tell you before it was too late.

He kisses his mom on the cheek as he exits the cozy house. He feels nervousness and excitement; he'll do it. He needed to tell you everything: how he thought about you, dreamed of you, and wanted to be with you. He rehearses what he will say but knows words are not enough. He needs to show you how he feels.

Jolly clenches the steering wheel as he drives to his house, his heart pounding in his chest. He dials Noah's number, hoping to hear his voice and clear the air. He doesn't want to lose his best friend over this. He wants to explain himself, to apologize, to make things right. But when he calls, the phone rings once and goes straight to voicemail. He hangs up and tries again but gets the same result.

Anxiety washes over him. He wonders why Noah is ignoring him, and then a horrible thought crosses his mind. You must've called Noah first.

"Fuck." He curses under his breath.

This was going to be the worst drive home ever.

He pulls into his driveway and parks the car, but he doesn't get out right away. His chest tightens when he thinks about facing you. He doesn't know what to say to you, but he hopes his feelings will show through. Jolly finally gets out of the car and walks up the driveway. He takes a deep breath and reaches for the door handle, calling out your name as he opens the door. But he stops when he sees you walking toward him with your bags packed. He feels a jolt of shock and pain as he looks at you, his eyes wide and incredulous. He can't move, he can't speak, and he can't breathe. He stares at you as you approach him, dragging your luggage behind you.

The sound of your bag hitting the ground jolts him out of his trance. "What's going on? Where are you going?" He asks, his voice cracking with emotion. He tries to catch your eye, but you avoid his gaze.

You avert your eyes from him and clamp your mouth shut, suppressing the sob that wants to break free. You wish you had left before he came back.

"Something came up at work, and I need to go home." You lie, hoping he won't hear the quiver in your voice. He knows you too well; he knows you're lying.

"Oh," he says softly, knowing at this moment there was nothing he could do to make you stay. "Let me at least take you to the airport…"

You shake your head and adjust your backpack on your shoulder. You pull out your phone and glance at the screen, "My cab's here." You say, feeling guilt in your chest. You see the pain in his face, and it breaks your heart.

"You were going to leave without saying goodbye?" He asks, his voice barely audible.

You bite your lip and look around the room, trying to find something else to focus on—anything but him: anything but the memories you've made here. "I'm sorry, Jolly. I have to go." You say, walking past him.

He grabs your arm and hugs you tightly, holding you close.

He wants to tell you how he feels. He wants to beg you to stay. He wants to kiss you and make you forget everything else. But he can't. He loves you too much to be selfish and force you to stay. He has to let you go and hope that the two of you will reunite and things will be different.

"Be safe, Honey Bee." He whispers in your ear, then gently pulls back, looking into your eyes. He sees the tears that are about to fall. He wipes them away with his thumb. He tries to smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

You nod your head and pick up your bags, "OK." You whisper, leaving him in the doorway as you drag your bags to the cab. You look back at him one last time and see him standing there, watching you go. You feel a surge of emotion and want to run back to him, but you know you can't. You get in the cab and close the door, feeling the finality of your decision. You drive away, leaving him behind.

He lets out a soft sigh, feeling disappointed and empty. He enters his room and sits on the bed, his heart heavy with regret. He kicks off his shoes, hoping a nap will help him forget the pain. But as he looks around the room, his eyes fall on the bedside table, and he sees it: the ring he bought you, a black band with your favorite stone in the center, sitting there, mocking him. He grabs it, holds it in his hand, and tilts it back and forth, remembering how happy you were to receive it, the smile on your face, the joy in your eyes, and your sweet smile. He feels the cold metal against his skin and wonders if you were intentionally hurting him as a form of payback. He shakes his head, not sure of how he feels. He sets the ring back on the table and lays down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He feels so angry, knowing that this could've been prevented if he just would've kissed you. His heart aches with longing, and he wishes he could turn back time and make things right. But it's too late now, and all he can do is lie alone with his thoughts and regrets. He hears the clock ticking on the wall and counts the seconds, hoping they will pass faster. He closes his eyes, trying to block out the image of you walking away from him. He wonders if you'll ever forgive him, and he wonders if he'll have to watch you fall for someone else or if there is still hope for him when he returns home.

When you arrive at the airport, Noah greets you warmly and offers to help you with your bags. "You doing OK?" he asks, his voice laced with concern. He sees the sadness and exhaustion on your face, and he knows you've been through a lot.

You nod, "Yeah, just wanna get home." You say, forcing a smile. You don't feel like talking; you just want to forget everything that happened. Noah nods in understanding and leads you out of the airport, where his car is waiting. As you walk, Noah glances over to see you staring at the ground. It's dark and cold, and you haven't yet asked him for his jacket, which surprised him. He knows you're always cold and usually lends you his jacket whenever you're together.

"Hey," he says, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you close. He tries to comfort you, to make you feel better. "You wanna talk about what happened?" He asks, hoping you'll open up to him. He wants to know what went wrong, what Jolly did or said to make you leave so suddenly. He wants to help you, to be there for you.

You feel a pit in your stomach as you think of the events of the last three days. You shrug your shoulders and nudge Noah's arm off you. You open the car door, still remaining silent. You're confused and angry.

Noah starts the engine, his lips pressed together as he watches you stare out the window. He feels like he's partly to blame for what happened. He was the one who encouraged you to go see Jolly, to confess your feelings, to take a chance.

"I'm sorry things didn't go how we thought they would," he says, his voice heavy with sorrow. He watches the road, purposefully missing the turn to keep you in the car a little longer. He wants to spend more time with you, to make you laugh and forget.

"Noah…" You groan. "I don't want to think about it anymore. Jolly made his choice, and now I need to move on." You lean your head on the window and watch as the rain droplets slide down the glass. You feel like they're a reflection of your tears and pain. You wish you could wash away everything that happened, everything that didn't happen and will never happen. "Please stop missing turns. I know it doesn't take this long to get home." You say, feeling impatient and restless. You want to get out of the car, out of this conversation, out of this mess.

Noah's grip tightens on the steering wheel, not out of frustration but worry. He sees the tears in your eyes and the pain on your face. "You wanna stay the night with me? We can watch a movie, and I'm sure George would love to snuggle you." He suggests, hoping you'll agree.

You shake your head again, closing your eyes and pressing your lips together. You don't want to stay with Noah, you don't want to watch a movie, you don't want to snuggle George. You just want to go home, to your own bed, to your own space, to your own misery. "I'll get him in the morning, Noah. I just really want to go home." You say, growing frustrated. You hate to sound ungrateful, but you can't stand being around anyone now. You just want to be alone.

The rest of the car ride is quiet, and it's not until you reach your apartment that you remember Noah has a key to your door.

You unbuckle your seatbelt and turn to face him. "Give me your key." You say, holding out your hand. You don't want him to have access to your place, check up on you, or bother you. You want to cut him off, at least for tonight.

Noah looks at you, shocked. "What?" He asks, "No." He says with wide eyes, "You said it's for an emergency, and right now, I'm worried you might have an emergency." He's afraid of what you might do. He cares about you more than you know, and he can't stand the idea of losing you, even if it's only mentally.

You stare at him with disbelief, "Noah, give me the fucking key. I just want to sleep peacefully without you annoying me because you're worried." You snap, losing your patience. You don't care about his feelings, and you don't care about his fears.

Noah can't believe you're pushing him away like this after everything you've been through together. He clenches his jaw and pulls his keys out of the ignition. He grabs the key and drops it in your hand. "Fine. Take it...just promise you'll come get George in the morning."

You force a smile and get out of the car. Noah pops the trunk, and you grab your bags, avoiding his gaze as you walk into your apartment.

You feel a twinge of guilt for how you treated Noah, but you can't help it. You're angry at him for making you believe that Jolly had feelings for you when he clearly didn't.

You drop your bags by your door and head to your bedroom, passing by one of the pictures you cherished of you and Jolly. You push your fingers under the frame and knock it off the wall, letting it fall to the floor. You hear the glass shatter and glance at the broken edge, feeling pain in your chest.

You stare at the photo of you and Jolly, your faces glowing with happiness. It was from the Fourth of July, the night you celebrated with fireworks and laughter. Noah was your photographer, capturing every moment with his phone. He teased you for being too scared to light anything but sparklers, but Jolly didn't mind. He thought you were adorable and joined you with his own sparkler. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and kissed your temple as the sparks flew around you. It was a perfect night, and you felt nothing could go wrong.

You shake the thoughts as you walk away, not bothering to clean it up.

Reaching your room, you strip out of your clothes and turn off the light. You crawl into bed and reach for your phone, squinting at the bright screen.

You see a text message from Jolly. Did you make it back safe?

You sigh and turn off your phone. You don't want to talk to him. You toss your phone aside and lie on your back, staring at the ceiling, feeling lost and confused. You can't believe you fell for Jolly after holding him at arm's length for so long; you should've trusted your instincts. How did you miss the clues that he was only being nice to you? Maybe you missed the friendly signals because of how he held you the other night in his bed, making you feel safe and serene, or was it how he would wrap his arms around your waist or rest his hands on your hips when he spoke to you? Or maybe it was the ring he gave you, telling you he wanted you to think of him whenever you glanced at it.

You roll on your side and pull the blanket over your head, muffling your sobs. You hate feeling this way. You wish you could erase him from your mind, but you know you can't. He's a part of you, and you can't let him go. You close your eyes and drift into a restless sleep, dreaming of what could have been.

Part four

Tags: @blackveilomens @xxrainstorm

@somewhere-diamond @cookiesupplier

[casspurrjoybell-23]

LOST and FOUND - Chapter 2 - Part 3

*Warning Adult Content*

On Thursday night I was pushing a shopping cart down the cereal aisle at the grocery store and failing at not worrying.

I had to be at work tomorrow morning and I was so nervous to see Jona again.

If he ended up showing up.

Which I was pretty positive he would.

He didn't look like the type to take no for an answer.

I picked up a box of strawberry Pop Tarts and tossed them into the cart.

They were on sale so I threw in a box of blueberry ones too.

I only had forty dollars to spend on groceries so I needed to spend it wisely.

Going to the store was very hard for me.

This particular store wasn't one that Harrison and I had gone to often.

He had insisted on shopping at the local health food store but that was where he had his heart attack and I refused to go there.

I knew if I went there a breakdown was inevitable.

I would be reduced to a sobbing mess on the dirty linoleum.

So that meant I had to go to the bigger chain store, which made me drive right past Harrison's bookstore.

It was a lose/lose situation.

I sighed and went to grab a box of cereal.

I was contemplating the many choices, trying to decide between Frosted Mini Wheats or Coco Puffs, when I heard...

"Beau?"

My brain short circuited as I recognized the voice.

I turned my head to right to see Jona coming down the aisle with a basket in his hand.

"I thought that was you," he said happily as he stopped next to my cart.

I didn't even know this guy existed five days ago and now I'd seen him three days this week.

I said the only thing that came to my mind.

"Are you stalking me?"

A short burst of laughter escaped his lips.

He shook his head.

"No, Beau, I'm not stalking you."

I looked at him and realized that what I'd seen him wearing before must have been his work clothes because now he was wearing a t-shirt that showed off his muscles and loose-fitting jeans.

My mouth watered and I looked away.

I decided to go with Coco Puffs and I tossed the box into my cart.

I really didn't want Jona seeing me right now.

I looked a hot mess.

I was wearing low hanging sweat pants and a shirt that Harrison had bought me at the fair two years ago, it had a fat unicorn puking rainbow glitter on it.

Plus my shoulder length hair was ratty and tangled.

I had put no effort into making myself look nice after I had gone to fix myself a snack and realized I had no food.

I figured it was late enough and there wouldn't be many people at the store, so who cared if I looked like a slob?

I was really regretting my decision now.

I started pushing my cart down the aisle and Jona followed me.

"Why don't you let me take you on a date?" he asked.

"No, thank you," I said, trying to sound polite as you could while turning someone down.

I needed to stay strong on this matter.

I couldn't let myself give in to his desires.

When I glanced back at him... I saw that he was watching my ass as I walked.

I frowned and looked forward again.

Who did he think he was?

Just staring at my ass like that.

I may have been trying to hide how much I liked it by pretending to be offended.

"I'm just going to keep asking until you say yes," he told me as I turned out of the aisle.

"That's harassment," I said.

"I don't think it's harassment, if you want to say yes."

I didn't know what to say to that because I'm pretty sure it would still be harassment if I kept telling him no and he kept pursuing me.

I turned down the aisle with the peanut butter.

"Don't you have better things to do with your time? Shouldn't you be golfing or something?"

"Golfing?" he asked but I could hear the amusement in his voice.

After a moment he said...

"I'm not really into golfing but I play on an adult softball team."

I stooped down to grab the biggest jar of peanut butter on the bottom shelf.

"What do you do for fun, Beau?"

"Nothing really," I said, waddling to the cart with the peanut butter in my hands.

"Holy shit, that's a lot of peanut butter."

His cursing made me smile.

Harrison would have never said something like that.

The two of them were pretty much completely different.

That might have been a good thing.

I thought the only thing they had in common was that they were both the Alpha male type but Jona definitely showed it more outwardly.

"What are you smiling about?" he asked curiously.

"That's the first genuine smile I've ever seen from you."

"Just thinking," I said and began pushing the cart.

He stopped me by grabbing my arm.

I didn't try to get out of his grasp.

"Please go on a date with me, Beau."

I frowned.

"I can't. Please stop asking."

I lightly pulled my arm back but he didn't let go.

"You only want me to stop asking because you know you'll say yes eventually."

I couldn't deny that that was true.

I didn't say anything and just pulled my arm away again, testing him.

He squeezed my bicep and then let me go.

That's when he looked in my cart.

He looked confused.

"Do you have younger siblings, that you are shopping for?"

"No, it's just me."

I started to push the cart but he gripped it and held it in place.

"You can't live off this shit," he said, picking up the box of blueberry Pop Tarts, then dropping them back into the cart.

"You need to take care of yourself."

I lost my voice, thinking that Harrison would have said something really similar.

I looked up at Jona's face, the concern that showed in his expression.

Why did he care?

He didn't even know me.

I lifted my chin.

"Unless you're my boyfriend, you can't tell me what to do."

His nostrils flared at that.

I could see anger in his eyes but also... interest.

He had read into the subtext of my statement.

I liked my boyfriend to take control, to tell me what to do.

And now Jona knew that and he liked it.

I figured he would... I could feel the dominance rolling off him.

"I need milk," I said and started pushing the cart towards the dairy section.

Jona followed me.

I grabbed a gallon of one percent milk and set it in the cart.

Jona opened a nearby door and pulled out two containers of cottage cheese, one he put in his basket and the other he put in my cart.

"I don't want that," I said.

"It's good for you," he stated as if that would change my mind.

"I'm not going to eat it."

"It's good with peaches. You'll like it."

"I don't have any peaches."

He pulled out two peaches from his basket and set them in my cart.

I started breathing heavily.

I couldn't afford to pay for this stuff.

The reason for eating crappy food, other than not knowing how to cook, was that I literally could not afford healthy food.

The world was fucked up and food that was good for you was way more expensive than food that was bad for you.

"No, Jona," I said, still breathing heavily.

"I can't... I..."

Holy shit I was panicking.

Right in the middle of the store and right in front of Jona.

"I can't buy this..." I gasped.

"I can't afford it."

I was grabbing for the stuff in my cart but Jona grabbed my elbow and pulled me away from it.

"Hey, shh," he said and I took big gulps of air, trying to breath.

"Look at me. Look at me, Beau."

I looked up into his chocolate brown eyes.

He ran his hands up and down my arms and began talking me.

"Just look at me and try to breath, okay? Take slow breaths. Slow. Slower. That's it, good... you don't have to buy those things. I'll buy them, okay? I didn't mean to push you so hard... good breathing. See? I can handle your complicated, can't I?"

A little laughter bubbled up inside me and I let it out.

I started to lean into Jona and he wrapped his arms around me.

My cheek rested against his chest and I breathed in.

He didn't smell like Harrison but he still smelled like a man and I missed that scent.

He smelled so good, outdoorsy and musky and mouthwatering.

I let myself relax in his arms for much too long but eventually I pulled away.

"Thanks, Jona. I... I just... thanks."

The way he smiled at me was much sweeter and more subdued than his smile in the past had been.

It made my heart flutter.

I rubbed my eyes.

"What time is it?"

He checked his watch.

"Ten thirty."

I sighed.

"I need to go home. I have work in the morning, I should be sleeping."

He picked the peaches and cottage cheese out of my cart and put them back in his basket.

"Let me help you out."

"No, Jona," I said gently.

"Please, just let me go. Let me do it on my own."

He didn't look happy at this comment.

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

That seemed to appease him because he nodded but he didn't smile.

"See you then. Bye."

[willowser]

i have this like one hc that pro-hero work involves a lot of traveling, especially in the beginning. they move here for six months and then there for four and then here for 14 and so on, just to get experience out in the field.

so it only makes sense you and bakugou end things, right at the start of his career.

and it's okay. it is. bc you both love each other and you know that, know that it's not ending bc of any huge, terrible fight that makes you enemies of one another. all the memories you'll carry can stay gold, not tarnished by anything other than the bittersweet distance.

getting used to it takes a little time, that's all; before he was your boyfriend, he was your friend, first and foremost. someone you had inside jokes with and had similar interests you could talk to about for hours, things that you only did with him and no one else. things only he knew. and not getting to tell him exciting news about college or ask if he saw the limited edition, golden age all might nendoroid they're releasing at the end of the year...sucks. it feels wrong, like these are things he's supposed to know, no matter what. things you're supposed to talk about.

you call him five months into his eight month nagoya contract and he doesn't answer. you think maybe he changed his number and didn't tell you, bc he doesn't actually have to anymore. bakugou has always been good about self control, keeping to himself, and it wouldn't surprise you if he's written you off without a second thought—bc this is how it's supposed to be when you break up with someone.

it's not until the next day that you get a text, late in the evening.

[9:26 PM] did you mean to call me

of course you did, but maybe you shouldn't have. hearing the line ring over and over again—it's cemented the realization that he's not thinking about you anymore. that he's moved on and you should too and he probably doesn't want to hear whatever if is you want to talk about. he'll probably just think you're weird. clingy.

yeah, but it's nothing important [9:32 PM]

he reads it immediately and—nothing happens. and you think that's it. hopefully you didn't come off too passive aggressive and now he thinks you're mad that he didn't answer. maybe you should have put an emoji, the little smiling one with the hands to show no biggie ! maybe you should have just said that, or that you couldn't remember the name of that hiking trail you did together two summers ago, but then you googled it and didn't need him anymore. or something.

he calls at 10:03.

your heart is in your throat when you pick up, beating like crazy bc you haven't heard his voice in a while. "uh, hello?"

and he hesitates too; his drawn out inhale doesn’t go unnoticed. "hey."

there's a brief period of silence on the line, some light shuffling on his end. sounds of cars passing, the rare honk of what traffic lingers this late at night. the wind scratches by, audible, and you shiver despite being in your own bed. you imagine him under a dim streetlight, fully outfitted.

bakugou huffs, "you called me?"

"yeah," you blink and sit up, though you don't know why. maybe because this needs your full attention, or because you don't want your voice to get muffled by your pillow. "i was just, uh—my roommate. she asked me if i've ever been to gekikara gourmet festival—"

"oh my god."

it's the exasperation in his voice that makes you laugh, so vivid, exactly as you remember it, and you can picture the face he must be making. "i know, i was like 'oh boy, have i'."

"d'you tell her you puked—"

"—with my head between my knees while sitting on that kiddie slide, yes i did."

he snorts, just the way he did as he patted the back of your head that night, awkwardly, standing beside you with a fist at his side. "told you not to try those fucking noodles."

you agree. "they were making even you sweat, i don't know what i was thinking."

it had been one of your first official dates, and you think all the spicy food didn't help with your restless nerves. it always felt stupid, looking back on it, to be so afraid; you'd known bakugou forever, and the only difference between that night and the many you'd spent before as friends was that he'd kissed your temple, lips red from spice and all. it was just bakugou, you thought. what was there to be anxious about?

and now the silence is making your stomach turn.

"yeah," you continue lamely, "nothing important, it just—made me think of you."

he doesn't say anything. if it weren't for the distant slam of something—a trash can lid or car door—you would think he hung up. he's always had a hard time with his words and you don't really even understand why he called instead of texting. if there was something he wanted to say to you, you aren't sure he could.

"so, i guess i'll let you—"

"y'got a roommate now?"

"uh, yeah." something ugly in your stomach wants there to be jealousy in his tone, and you shake your head to be rid of the thought. because it shouldn't matter. "she's in a couple of my classes. big fan of, like, kpop and stuff."

he snorts again and you can imagine the roll of his eyes, bright with amusement despite the frown on his lips. you love that look on him; so content that it felt out of his character, something he wanted to hide. being the cause of it has always been so sweet. "different apartment?"

"yeah, in a little dorm on campus." he didn't live with you long, just in the time between graduating and when his applications to agencies began returning acceptions. "couldn't afford that place by myself."

bakugou hums, and your eyes swim so suddenly that you have to take the phone away from your head. you wonder if he misses those days as much as you do. the simple life, doing the mundane together; washing clothes in the laundry room downstairs, having to clean the dishes by hand or the dishwasher would flood the tiny kitchen, taking quick showers together so that you'd both get hot water.

it was terrible. it was perfect. the kind of life you could never have, with dynamight.

his voice buzzes distantly and you sniff, wiping at your eyes with the sleeve of your sweater before putting the phone back up to your ear.

"what'd you say?"

"that—" he huffs, "nothin'." you sniff again, unthinking, and he goes completely silent again. no inhale, no exhale.

he's not stupid. he probably knew this would happen and that's why he didn't want to answer. it was hard enough for him to get the words out the first time ("just gonna be shit, for you to be waitin'. eraser told me not to—won't be able to keep any fucking—and i don't wanna be some jackass that just lets you down all the fuckin' time.")

"sorry," you laugh because you feel awkward, because you didn't mean to force what you've been suffocating on him all at once. "i don't know what just happened."

bakugou mumbles, "s'fine."

you think that even if there was something he wanted to say, he wouldn't know how.

"but yeah," you sigh and scrub a hand over your face again. "no biggie, just thought it was funny when she asked and wanted to tell you. it's actually kind of late and i need to head to bed, but i'll—" talk to him later, is what you want to say, but your stomach drops and you know that it's not that easy. not anymore.

maybe it will be one day in the future, but this is the life you have to live, for now. all you can do is hold onto that hope, as your throat tries to tighten again.

"fuck, i—" he breathes, so frustrated that it nearly becomes a grunt, "y'don't know how—just, goddammit, in three months i'll—"

"i know," you tell him, and you smile like he can see it. in three months, he'll come back, to accept another contract, and then he'll be gone again. if there was a way to make it work, bakugou would have found it. of all people, bakugou would have found it. "it's okay," you tell him.

and it is. it is.

[lamnwar]

I Can't Remember // KNB Characters x gn! Reader

A/N: it ain't me if I'm not writing fanfic based on my irl experiences bc I'm that one bitch that's always daydreaming, even when she's supposed to be socializing 😩

Context: A long awaited weekend on the beach with your friends finally comes... and there isn't much of it that you can remember. All characters are aged up for plot purposes (early 20s)

Pairing: there's just a bunch of character there so no real pairing, slight Aomine x reader and Kiyoshi x reader tho I really couldn't help myself

Warnings: mention of alcohol, heavy drinking, some flirting here and there, language, 3.6k words because I got inspired lmao but overwise it's just crack 🤭

You open the fridge, hoping with all of your heart that what you've been looking for is here, and to your enjoyment, a last bottle of beer stands in between a block of cheese and yesterday's pasta. You hum, before going outside. As the sunrays hit your face, you squint, the light appearing particularly bright this morning. You finally sit on the small wall between the beach house and the sea, when your eyes have adjusted to the daylight.

“Yo” you hear a voice behind you.

You take a sip before turning around. The blue-haired boy stands nonchalantly against the door frame, looking as if he just came back from a ten days journey in the desert.

“Hey” you reply, voice raspy.

He sits next to you, and you both remain silent for a while, the only noises being the gentle waves, and the very subtle fizz of your drink.

“You look rough” lets out the man.

“Same to you.”

You both laugh. You do, indeed, look terrible. Hair going in all directions, dark circles under your eyes, dry lips and that weird tint on your skin. As for Aomine, it's roughly the same, but he still has his usual charm, even while looking like this.

“Haven't you had enough last night?” He asks while tapping your bottle with the tip of his finger.

“It's the cure to a hangover. This, and dumplings.”

“Give me some then.”

You pass the bottle to him, hands cupping your face as you pull your knees to your chest. You don't have a headache, thank god, and you're pretty sure that you haven't puked, but god are you tired. The thing is, you have no idea when you fell asleep, you just know that you woke up this morning, with Riko's hand on your face and one of your shoes missing.

The rest of the night? A total blur. You have very vague images, but remembering them is as hard as remembering a dream you had ten years ago. You haven't checked your phone, you don't know where it is. Hopefully, somewhere in the house. You better find it soon; beside the fact that you rely on it to function, it's also Sunday and your parents will certainly call tonight as they usually do on Sundays. And this time, when they'll ask you how was your weekend, well... Well, you'd surely have stories to tell, if you'd remember any.

“Daiki, do you remember last night?”

He raises an eyebrow at you, amused by the question. You land a friendly slap on his shoulder – he shouldn't be making fun of you, for all you know, he's probably as bad as you.

“Some stuff. You challenged me to a shot competition, and I won, and then you said that I cheated.”

“You probably did” you scoff, earning a nudge in the shoulder from him.

You sigh. The sky is as clearer as ever, but you can't say that much about your mind. Usually filling the role of the smart one, the one who has an answer to anything – basically being a walking version of Google – it's weird for you to be missing some information. At the same time, you don't want to blame yourself. It has been a rough semester, and you've desperately needed to let off some steam.

“Shouldn't we do something about this blackout?”

Your friend raises his shoulder.

“We'll see it all in the pictures and videos.”

“I lost my phone dude, I have no idea what I've done last night.”

You chuckle, taking a sip of your beer. It amuses you, to a certain extent, the idea that you've been totally unhinged last night. It only makes sense, you figure; you've had your first drink at 3PM, you haven't stopped from that point on. To be fair, you were pretty thirsty after the drive from your apartment to the beach house. In the early summer heat, you were packed in a car with Riko, her boyfriend Junpei, and his roommate Teppei. Sitting at the back between bags and the giant body of Teppei, it only made sense that you required a fresh beer once you’ve arrived. This might be the last time that you’ve had a clear mind, remembering what you’ve been up to.

“I’ve left mine on the couch I think, should we take a look?”

You look up to him, raising your eyebrows. For all you know, the secrets of last night might all be in his phone. Gathering the little energy that you have left, you get up from your seat on the wall, getting back inside. You squint your eyes; you haven’t realized how bright it was outside. The living room is a mess, not as much as you’d expected it to be, though. A couple of glasses are laying around here and there, and you don’t fail to notice to bottles aligned against the wall, witnessing of the wildness of last night. And you obviously cannot ignore the large body of Taiga, passed out on the couch with his shirt opened. You chuckle softly, nudging the blue-haired boy next to you in the ribs so he’ll look at your common friend.

“Shit, he looks rough” he scoffs.

You nod in approval. Deep inside, it feels reassuring to know that you aren’t the only one who has been slightly overboard, and the idea of someone sharing your blackout is rather comforting. You advance towards the sleeping boy, bending in front of me. Despite only half of his body fitting on the couch, he looks comfortable, in deep slumber and you hesitate to wake him up. Yet, you have to, in order to retrieve Daiki’s phone. Granted, you can also wait for the others to be up and question them so you can piece out your misadventures of last night; but you are impatient, and before anything else, you cannot stand being in a blur for much longer. So you take in a long breath, hand slowly poking at Kagami’s cheek.

“Hey big boy” you mutter softly.

He groans, but doesn’t budge. Your hand trails to his shoulder, that you shake lightly. Again, no response.

“You’re being too delicate, shake the motherfucker up” Daiki sighs.

“I don’t wanna be too violent” you pout.

He rolls his eyes, and before you know it, he pushes you aside, his big hand lightly slapping your friend’s cheek.

“Oi, wakey wakey.”

The red-haired boy finally opens his eyes – with much struggle – facing the bored eyes of Daiki. He grunts, taking a moment to fully awaken. For a couple of second, he feels like he comes back from the dead, and reality sinks in at a painfully slow pace. When he finally gathers his surroundings, he lays his eyes on you.

“Sup?” he greats, voice husky.

You smile. He really is in a worse state than yours.

“Feeling like shit. Sorry to wake you up Taiga, but you’re sleeping on Dai’s phone.”

He moves, propping himself up in a sitting position. You’ve never witnessed the basketball player moving so slowly before: in a sloth-like demeanour, he rubs his face and stretches his limbs, before lifting the pillows, looking for the phone. And when he finally does, discovering it in the folds of the couch, he sighs, giving it back to its owner. Daiki shoots him an irritated glance; though he doesn’t say a word, you can read his thoughts clearly on his face. The fact that Taiga’s spent the night sleeping on his phone is enough to annoy him, but maybe somewhere inside him he restrains from making a fuss because none of you are in the state to stand an insignificant quarrel. It takes a few seconds for him to check his battery, then his notifications, before he opens the gallery. You look at him, impatiently waiting.

“Let’s sit” he finally says.

And you do so, joining Kagami on the couch as the blue-haired boy sits between you, ready to show the content of his screen. The first picture is a normal group selfie. Daiki, Satsuki, and Tetsuya, smiling as they hold their cups. It’s cute, but nothing that leads you to retrace your adventures of last night. He scrolls through a bunch of other pictures of that sort, amongst some blurry shots of random moments. Then he stops at a video, exchanging a look with you before pressing on play.

“Whose phone is that? Anyways, look… oh wait, this angle isn’t doing me any good – “

Aomine puts the video on pause, swearing under his beard as he sees the familiar face of the group’s absolute party guy. Kise Ryōta. It’s probably the hangover, but hearing his cheerful voice clearly puts Daiki in a mood, and for a second there, he is tempted to delete the video, so he doesn't have to suffer through it. But the second he lays his eyes on you, he reminds himself of the reason why he absolutely wanted to retrieve his phone in the first place. So he plays the rest, just for your sake. You all stay in silence as you watch the blond change the angle to make him appear under his best light, shooting one of his typical smiles at the camera.

“Looks like there’s romance in the air…”

He chuckles, before zooming behind him. In the darkness of the night, it’s hard to tell what is going on, but you manage to distinguish two bodies standing close on the sand. The video then stops there. What they are doing is unclear, but you recognize the outfits; one being Kiyoshi’s and the other one being yours.

Your eyes open wide. You obviously have no recollection of that part of the night, and you fear what you may have done. It’s not unusual for you to get flirty when drunk, and you have to admit that you’ve always had the sweetest crush on the tall brunette. But it deeply bothers you that you cannot tell what this interaction was about, and what happened after.

“Wow, so you and Teppei, huh?” Kagami lets out.

You groan, rubbing your eyes.

“I have no fucking idea what’s going on there” you complain. “For all I know, it’s nothing… but it might be something too.”

You sink further in the couch, trying to figure out how to sort this out. Unfortunately, your mind is too much in a fog for you to solve your problem, and it takes Daiki scrolling through the pictures again for you to come back to Earth. After some shots of what seems to be a round of drinking games and some weird dancing, your attention is caught by a series of pictures that includes you, in your swimsuit, in the darkness of the night, going for a swim.

“Ah, see, this is what I like” comments Daiki.

“What do you mean?”

“Love to see the little nerd of our group going for a midnight swim. Granted, you’re unfortunately not butt ass naked, but still.”

He laughs, scrolling through more pictures of you in the pitch-black ocean, with the widest grin on your face. And suddenly, you feel some memories rushing back. The feeling of the cool water against your bare skin, the sound of your friends cheering you for going in the water, the splashes of the waves, the smell of the ocean. You sit back for a minute, reconstituting this part of the night in your mind. You remember, talking about a midnight swim with Riko. She said that she’d never done that, and neither did you, given that you’ve never been on the seashore at night before. You remember, pouring some alcohol in your glass while you considered giving it a try. You’ve downed your glass before changing in your swimsuit, and rushing outside in the cool summer night.

“Where the fuck was I when all this happened?” asks the red-haired boy in a state of complete loss.

You furrow your brows, zooming in on one of the pictures, then increasing the brightness of the screen.

“Here you are dummy, right there” points Daiki.

And indeed, it seems that you weren’t alone in your midnight swim. You chuckle lightly, seeing Kagami’s giant body being engulfed by waves, some bits of that moments reappearing to you at the same time. You remember, the tall boy as wasted as you, running towards the waves, stumbling in the sand first before getting up and giggling like a child. You smile at yourself as these memories come; somehow, it is reassuring to know that you’ve done nothing too embarrassing last night. Although, there is still that interaction with Teppei that remains a mystery. God knows what you’ve been doing with him, and for your own sake, you pray it was yet another moment of senseless words and laughs, like the rest of the night seemed to be. You stretch, relieved at your discovery. Sure, the whole night isn’t documented in Daiki’s phone, and your own phone as well as one of your shoes is still missing, but so far, it doesn’t seem as bad as you’ve imagined.

“Good morning kids.”

The three of you jump hearing a new voice, and you eye up to see Kasamatsu standing in front of you, in what looks like a jogging attire. By the coat of sweat on his arms and the earphones dangling around his neck, he indeed looks like he’s just came back from a run, and you can’t help but sending him a confused look. How the hell is he in a good enough shape to go for a run after last night?

“You fucking freak” Aomine shoots a gaze as incredulous as yours to the guy.

Kasamatsu shakes the comment away, going to the open kitchen to pour himself a large glass of water.

“Some of us only had a few drinks last night” he retorts with an amused smile.

It must, in fact, be hilarious to look at Aomine, Kagami and you at this very instant. In appearance, it looks like you’ve been through a lot – and a lot, you’ve indeed been through. And as you get lost in your blurred thoughts, you get a moment of clarity, realising that if you seek more information on your night, Kasamatsu may certainly hold all the knowledge you want. As fast as you can, you get up, rushing to him. Pleading eyes meet his intrigued blue irises, while he finishes his glass.

“You still remember last night, don’t you?”

“I do” he raises an eyebrow at you.

“Good, because I completely blacked out” you complain.

“And you want me to give you some clarity” he reads into your mind.

You positively nod, and he laughs before patting the top of your head. Like the rest of the friend group, Kasamatsu has always known you as the one person who always has everything under their control; you’re the one the rest comes to, looking for answers and some order. But if someone surpasses you when it comes to having their shit together, it must be Yukio. Excellent grades, an apartment that’s always properly organized and cleaned, a healthy social life, and always taking care of himself and the one he loves. It may not be surprising, all things considered, that he is the only sober one after last night's wildness. And it might also be endearing to him to see you like that, knowing that you’ve finally let loose.

“For the most part, you had fun” he starts. “Nothing too wild, if that’s what you’re wondering… except some of your dance moves with Daiki.”

“Huh?” the concerned raises up after hearing his name.

“Yeah, you two got a bit hot on some dancehall. Don’t you remember?”

Your eyes open wide as you look at your friend, barely recalling any of that. The single thought of you getting physically close to Daiki seems like an absurdity, but you also know that Yukio wouldn’t lie. A flash of fright crosses between you and the blue-haired boy, all while Taiga laughs at the situation. And it must be funny, from an external perspective. Everyone knows that Daiki and you are the kind of friends that always keep distance between them. Sure, you tease each other from time to time, but things never go further. Not that you’d want to – Daiki is at best a brother to you, nothing more.

“The things alcohol make people do” sighs Kagami, as if he’s in any position to talk.

You shake your head, when glimpses of this event comes back to you. The image of Aomine’s large hands on your waist appears to you, and for a second, you remember a whiff of his perfume. Red gains your cheeks, when more hazy images come to you. Hips swaying, barely any space between your two bodies, your fingers tangled in his short hair.

“Fuck, you’re kinda hot right now.”

“I know.”

As these words whispered between you resurface, you go back to worrying about stupid things you might have done last night. Just as you’ve finally reassured yourself that you’ve been overall a good kid, you had to be hit by these memories.

“To be fair, it shouldn’t matter if none of us remember any of it” says Daiki.

The issue is that you apparently remember some of it. But he may be right, you both have an alibi. Blame it on the liquor, none of it was done in all consciousness. It’s just dumb drunk people activity.

“Yeah, it doesn’t count” you say more for yourself than for him.

An awkward silence follows suit. If you were in such state that you’ve had a moment like this with Daiki, then maybe you might have done something of the same degree – or worse – with Kiyoshi. The worries that you’ve previously had come back, and you try to rack your brain up, looking for anything. Unfortunately, nothing comes. There is only one way for you to recover the truth, and that would be to ask Kiyoshi about it, with hope that he remembers it. But the possibility that you’ve done something in the slightest embarrassing stops you from doing so. How can you face him if you’ve been acting stupid with him?

But no, you should ask him. You cannot go back home leaving this mystery alive. You need to know, and as the adult you are, you’ll deal with the consequences of your actions in due time. You take in a big breath, gathering all your courage before going to the room where you believe you’ll find the giant brunette. You still remember that he’s left his bags in the bedroom next to the one you’ve been sleeping in. The three boys watch you, perplexed by your actions. The door opens in a silent creek, and you peak inside. The curtains are half closed, and taking all the single mattress, Teppei is laying there, on his phone. The bed next to his is unoccupied; it was supposed to be Hyuga’s but the latter was in the bed you were sharing with his girlfriend. Hearing you, he looks up, shooting you a tired but nice smile. Your heart flutters – you really hope that you’ve behaved yourself last night, because God, do you have a crush on the man.

“Hey there” he says.

You greet him back, closing the door behind you. You figure it’s easier to go straight to the point, so you sit on the empty bed, fiddling with your fingers.

“So, huh… I kinda don’t remember much of last night” you confess. “But apparently we’ve had a little interaction outside?”

“What? Oh, yeah. We had a nice moment outside.”

You nod, looking at him as he moves to face you. You only now notice that he is only in his underwear, which makes you blush furiously. He has no business to look like that when you’re trying to figure out if you’ve made a fool of yourself in front of him or not.

“Did we? I really can’t remember.”

He laughs.

“We did, had a nice talk about stuff. It was fun. Kinda sad that you don’t remember it though.”

“Yeah…”

“Is that all?”

You nod, feeling his gaze on you. A smile creeps on his lips, while he rests his head in his palm.

“You’re wondering if you’ve done or said anything embarrassing, don’t you?”

You sigh, an awkward laugh escaping your lips.

“Yeah, I can get quite… special, when I’m drunk.”

“Well, be assured, you were just the right kind of fun.”

And as these words reach you, you let out the breath you were holding. This morning has been a rollercoaster, as each information you’ve gathered from last night has sparked different reactions. But you feel light now that you’ve resolved the biggest mystery. It’s truly not as bad as you’ve envisioned; as a matter of fact, it isn’t bad at all. You’ve just been talking, nothing romantic there, so nothing to worry about. Maybe this whole fuss is to blame on Kise, he’s the one that framed you in a way that made it look like you were flirting with Kiyoshi or what not. You’ll maybe scold him later.

You shoot a last smile at the brunette before getting up, finally at peace.

“Well, if it was nothing, I’ll let you rest” you say as you go to grab the doorknob.

“Oh! If you don’t remember last night, is the date invitation still standing?”

And here it is, the thing you feared.

“The what?”

You may not remember last night, but there’s one thing that you’ll keep in mind forever, and that is that you will never drink as much as you did ever again.

[arabellamonkey]

about last night

stevetony | where tony attempts to apologize to steve for all the things he said the night before, only to find out steve isn't angry, but rather the opposite ; prompted by the awesome @meidui <3

also on ao3

Tony walks in in silence, making almost no sound at all; still, the almost is the key when it comes to Steve’s super hearing, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise to Tony when Steve catches his eye to give him a small, tentative smile.

He’s making breakfast for two, and that only makes it worse.

“Um, hi”, Tony says, his hands clenching the borders of the big sweater Steve lent him the night before.

“Hi,” Steve says, voice soft and careful around the edges; not quite uncomfortable, sounding more like he doesn’t quite know what he can and can’t say.

He’s probably wondering whether I remember last night, Tony realizes, mortified, as he plays during a second with the idea of pretending he doesn’t, of acting as if he isn’t aware of how rare the air has turned between them.

In the end, he sighs, “um, about last night…”

***

It was three in the morning and Tony was so high he had almost missed his home. His home, the huge tower with his name on it. That one. In the end, one of the security guards had spotted him leaning on a streetlight nearby while he tried to gather himself after puking over his suit, and helped him reach the private elevators.

He left him there, and returned to his working place, probably assuming Tony would go to his penthouse to sleep soundly and nurse his hangover in the morning.

What he hadn’t counted on had been Tony getting into the elevator and whining, ever so softly, as he closed his eyes and rested his head on the wall, “Steve… I want to see Steve.”

Somehow, that had translated into Jarvis bringing the elevator not to the highest penthouse of the building, but to the second one.

Maybe, if Steve hadn’t been miraculously awake, drinking a warm milk glass alone in his kitchen… Maybe then Tony wouldn’t have said what he ended up saying.

But that was just wishful thinking; his reality was very different.

***

“Um, about last night…”

Steve’s careful expression softens when he hears Tony’s hesitant voice. “It’s alright.”

“No, it really isn’t,” Tony says, adamantly. “I barged into your home and I started saying all those things and…”

***

“Tony?” Steve asked, voice raw from sleepiness, the hold on his glass faltering ever so slightly. “What are you doing here? Is… is anything wrong?”

“No one loves me,” Tony whined, miserably, leaning on a wall nearby and resting his head on it, eyes closed and tears streaming down. “I don’t know why I even keep trying, it never—” A hiccup. “It never works.”

There were no words to describe the shift in Steve’s expression, going from worried to something different, more intense and yet, indescribable. As much as Tony tried to search for pity in those baby blue eyes, he found none, and that made it all the worse. If Steve pitied him, then he could have an excuse to get angry at him, to stop feeling everything he felt when their gazes crossed in the middle of a room from blossoming into something more.

To stop looking for his snarky retorts on strangers’ lips.

“Were you on a date with him again?” Steve asked, his voice monotone, apparently calm but not really, not if you paid close attention to what lay behind those words. To the way his lips were slightly tense around the edges and his hold on the glass was turning his hands white.

He didn’t need to name him —he never did—, not when Tony had spent the last four weeks talking about him time and time again, trying to convince himself and everyone on the team he was the one; not when he had seen them together in the last two galas the team had attended.

Not when Tony was always the same miserable self whenever he returned from a date with him.

“Yes,” he answered, hiccuping. He didn’t say anything else, refusing to humiliate himself more by telling Steve of all people about the way their conversation had turned to be about money so quickly it hurt to even remember it. He didn’t want to tell him about how, had that same conversation taken place a year before, he wouldn’t have minded paying for Ty’s holidays with his friends, even if he wasn’t invited, or his car’s new painting, or any of the stream of things Ty had started asking of him.

He didn’t tell him how, while Ty had rambled about all the things he wanted from Tony without saying he wanted him, everything he had been able to think about had been Steve’s indignation when Tony had insisted on buying him things in the past, how he had those words —I don’t want anything from you apart from yourself— still tucked up next to his heart, even so many months after Steve had said them.

Instead, he cried, “you’ve ruined me for everyone else.”

***

“Um, about last night…”

Steve’s careful expression softens when he hears Tony’s hesitant voice. “It’s alright.”

“No, it really isn’t,” Tony says, adamantly. “I barged into your home and I started saying all those things and accusing you of all people and…”

He isn’t able to finish his sentence, looking back down when Steve just stays there, arms hanging by his side and that soft, gentle expression in place. He’s still thinking about a way to say sorry quickly and have the earth swallow him whole when Steve asks, softly, “did you mean them?”

And well, Tony’s good at lying when he needs to be, but standing there in the middle of Steve’s kitchen, only wearing his big hoodie and with his head buzzing, he just can’t.

“I did. I do,” Tony says, only to open his eyes quickly in surprise at his own words and adding, gaze still fixed on the floor: “But don’t think I’m trying to pressure you into doing anything or… Or anything. I’m just being an idiot like I always—”

“Tony,” Steve interrupts him, softly. Gently. “Please, don’t.”

Tony looks up, surprised to find a small smile teasing at Steve’s lips. It’s barely there and, at the same time, it seems to be enough to lighten up his whole expression. It’s only there that a thought appears in Tony’s mind, quick and flashy and forcing him to focus on it, instead of focusing on all the other little voices that are whispering how much he has embarrassed himself.

“Wait, you’re not mad?”

***

Suddenly, Steve was slipping out from behind the counter and standing in front of Tony, hovering with an insecure stance, his hands trembling at his side, as if he really wanted to move them, to reach for Tony, but was keeping himself from doing so. 

Instead of doing any of that, he asked, voice low and confused and hopeful, everything at the same time, “what do you mean?”

Tony scoffed, sniffling as the tears continued to fall down his cheeks. He looked up at Steve’s eyes, hands turned fists at his sides, and slurred, slumping back into the wall, “always so gentle, so good to me and so perfect…”

Even in the dark, Steve flushed so quickly and so intensely not even the shadows helped him conceal it. He took a step forward and placed his hands on Tony’s waist, helping him away from the wall. “Let’s go to bed, okay? You seem tired.”

Tony wasn’t listening to him.

“How the hell am I supposed to find someone that doesn’t suck when everyone does compared to you?” He went on, resting his whole weight on Steve as he helped him walk. He was so busy slurring stuff he didn’t realize they weren’t going in the elevator’s direction, but in Steve’s bedroom’s direction.

“Until I met you I could fall in love with lots of people and be happy, you know?” He grumbled, slumping backwards into the bed, as Steve helped him get rid of his ruined jacket, shirt and his shoes. His movements were far from quick, and Tony could swear Steve’s hands trembled over his feet.

“Let’s, uh, let’s talk tomorrow better, okay?“ Steve said, voice slow and soft, not sounding annoyed, as he helped him into a big sweater. He sounded… Tony didn’t know how to name it.

He had allowed Steve to move his body until he was inside the bed, eyes falling closed as his last words came out, no longer carrying any of the heat the previous ones had.

“Now, those same people feel like I’m settling for something worse. And it’s all—“ Another hiccup. “It’s all your fault.”

***

“Wait, you’re not mad?”

Tony is shocked, even more when Steve shakes his head almost before he gets a chance to finish his question. He seems so sure he isn’t mad at him, it almost seems as if he liked it.

Which is crazy.

“I’m not,” Steve said as he walked towards him, the pancakes he’s prepared now forgotten on their plates. Tony watches, speechless, as he approaches him with a teasing smile on his lips. “I’m almost grateful you got so drunk, if I’m being honest.”

This time, it’s Tony’s turn to flush. He mutters, “Okay, I might have been a little drunk.”

“Only a little?” Steve asks, not unkindly.

Tony flushed even more. “A lot.”

“And what kind of drunk would you say you are?” Steve asks playfully. “The one who tells the truth?”

Tony looks down, grumbling, “I already told you I meant all I said, there’s no need to gloat. I already know you don’t…”

“But I do,” Steve interrupts him, quickly, making Tony look up stunned. “Like you, I mean. If that’s what you were going to say.”

“Wait. You… you do?” Tony asks, eyes wide open. “But why didn’t you say so?“

“Because I’m a coward,” Steve answers flatly, insisting on keeping making eye contact. “One that couldn’t bring himself to confess until you did first. So yeah, I’m not… I’m not mad. Grateful would be the word, or happy, even. But not mad. Never at you.”

Tony blinks quickly, fearing this might be yet another dream of the multiple he’s already had. But it’s not, of course it isn’t. It feels too real to be. It feels too good.

“Okay,” he says, dumbly.

“Okay,” Steve answers, hesitant, as his gaze finally drops to his lips. “Can I…?”

With a heavy sigh, Tony closes the last distance between them and, throwing his arms around his neck, kisses him.

He can feel Steve’s smile under his.

[vannybarber]

Put Some Respect On My Name!

Summary: As a wife and a mother to the kids of this asshole, respect is the one thing you better be recieving from him...after some good 🍆 of course. That's number one right there.😏

Ransom Drysdale x Black Reader

BIG ASS PLOT

Words: 5.3k

Warnings: Pregnant¡Reader, swearing, insults, angst, mentions of cheating, SMUT, breeding kink, spanking, oral (female receiving), praise kink, unprotected sex, mentions of religion, threats of violence (nothing extreme).

So here your are. Sitting on you and Ransom's shared California King bed looking at his friend, Derek's Instagram story, disappointed and angry. But mostly angry. Some nasty ass trick is sitting on your baby daddy's lap. Her loppy floppy tits out with a drink in hand and him drinking a Moscato, the one beverage he loved to order everytime he went out.

Last year for New Year's, you had to stop him from ordering more or else you were going to be cleaning him up after puking everywhere at midnight instead of getting a kiss to start off another year.

Your two year old daughter was in her playroom across the hall making a mess with her toys. Usually you'd be down there playing with her but your swollen stomach done prohibited you from doing a lot of things now. But it most definitely ain't stop you from getting what you want from Ransom every day and night. Nothing could ever stop you guys from getting yo freak on. Nothing.

Hugh Ransom Drysdale is most definitely an asshole and you're not gonna sit here and lie, acting like he completely changed when you guys came together. That boy still has his moments, but of course, it would be a chilly ass day in hell before you sit there and take his bullshit. He been learned that.

At this point ,you were thinking of ways to get on his ass about it when he comes home. Should you get the bat and wait at the door on some Beyonce shit ? Or put some bleach in his Fruit Loops like Cardi the next day ? Those sounded a lot better than what you decided to do. You were gonna wait till he got back home and calmly confront him on it, regardless of what your hormones wanted. 6 months pregnant and anger do not go together. You're WAAAAY more vulnerable and bound to do anything now. So you just watch your daughter brush her baby doll, hitting her on the head cause she won't sit still, rubbing your bump and wait for him to come home.

You hear shuffling downstairs and keys hitting the bowl by the front door. His big head home now and you're beyond ready.

You check the time and it's 2:46 am. You been put your child to sleep hours ago. You were just watching Wild N' Out to pass the time, thinking of how you were gonna start off without making yourself even more mad. The baby nor you need any of that. You were internally praying he was gonna get his ass over here soon cause your ass knocked out for a little bit. You were sleepy as hell right now.

Hearing those expensive ass Chelsea boots hit the sleek stairs and up to the second floor, you woke the fuck up real quick. You stay quiet and watch him walk in your daughters room and check on her. You can see with the nightlight him smile and rub her brown cheek with the back of his forefinger, whispering inaudible words to her. Fuck him and his adorable ass.

He bends back up straight and walks out her room closing the door a little and make his way across the hall to your room. He sees you and your pregnant state in your white tube top and grey booty shorts. Simple yet the baddest bitch he's ever laid eyes on and ever will. He smiles while locking eyes with you and all you do is narrow yours back at him getting upset all over again, regardless of the sweet previous moment shared with your baby girl.

He gives you a 'what the hell ?' look and comes over to give you a kiss but you jerk your head back with the stank face and a 'boy move out my face' quietly leaving your mouth. Now he's REALLY confused.

"Mama, what's wrong with you?"

You look at him like he just asked you to get on your knees and bark like a dog.

"What's wrong with me? You really asking that?" raising your voice on the second question.

Technically, he has the right to ask, being that he doesn't know what you know. He probably doesn't even know that Derek was recording him and that broad. Nor does he know that you texted Derek to keep recording him so you know nothing escalates.

Call it what you want, but you know how your man is. He's immature and irresponsible as HELL. If something had popped off that really threatened y'all's relationship, you would've been in that bar with your child on your right hip, earphones in her ear and tablet in hand, cussing him and that girl out.

"You wanna tell me how your night went?" You tilt your head asking sweetly, with a drop of sarcasm. You truly are a petty ass piece of work. And you love it.

"Just get to the point Y/N. The fuck did I do this time ?" At this point he's now visibly annoyed. But you ain't care. This situation is on his part. Y'all could've had a nice night, fucking while Big City Greens playing in the background on the T.V. eventually waking your child up cause you loud as hell, but nooooo. That ain't happening now.

You grab your phone and open back up Instagram, Marta popping up on your feed with Harlan reading a book. You like it and search up Derek's @ then click his story. You flip through countless tabs until you see the man-child standing in front of you, on the screen. You motion him over to the bed.

"Come here, asswipe."

He rolls his eyes, but moves them feets anyway. You turn your phone to him and let the video play. You watched it about a thousand times so you know exactly when it ends. After it does you pull the phone back in your lap and give him a questioning look.

Sometimes it's hard to read his expressions and this was one. It was a mix of slight guilt and double the annoyance. He backs up and stands back at the end of the bed, arms crossed.

"Really? This why you're upset?"

You swear you almost slapped him. And this time you couldn't blame the hormones because it was gonna be ALL YOU. You take a deep breath and lean your back against the cushion headboard.

"I KNOW you did not just ask me that as if I ain't supposed to be bothered by the fact that my husband got some random woman on his lap while I'm at home with his daughter and his growing child."

You deadass don't believe him right now. He really pressing you as if he don't know how you get when you're angry, especially while pregnant.

"My feet hurt. I am TIRED. I can't even move for more than 5 minutes without getting sick and having to sit down. The you come at me with this bullshit" you continue. "What the hell is wrong with you ?"

He just deadpans you. And you stare at his ass right back. You not playing right now.

"Y/N, you never get upset when I go out with my buddies and get hammered." He's flapping his arms around raising his voice at every word.

"What is the big deal now? It's fucking late and you're doing all this right now. What the hell?"

You gather the strength and get out the bed to close the bedroom door cause you about to go AWF.

Getting back on the bed fully sitting up and supporting your own weight, you tie your butterfly braids up in ponytail.

"Listen, you raggedy shitball,"

It's about to go down. You adjust yourself, ready to release the wrath.

"I don't give a damn how late it is. You know better than to go out and let some bitch get close up on you like that. Were you even thinking about me or your kids while she was on you? The fuck was going through your mind? Oh wait, I forgot. You don't fucking think. You have to actually have a damn brain."

"Raggedy shitball? Real mature, babe. Real fucking mature." He says rolling his eyes, finally getting his shoes off and putting them under the chair were his scarf and coat are draped over.

You continue with your rant.

"Ironic for you to comment on maturity, Hugh."

Yep, that's right. You said it. You called him by his ugly ass first name. Linda and Richard must've been out they damn mind naming him that shit. He whipped his head around, any sense of expression just completely wiping from his face. Perfect. Just the reaction you wanted.

"Don't call me that." He stated, pure disgust in his words. To be honest, you don't even blame him. But like stated before, you petty as hell.

"Hugh, Hugh, Hugh. Your name is fucking Hugh" you say in a sing songy voice. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.

"You don't get to tell me what to do right now. And back to what I said before. Why you let that girl in your lap like that ?"

"It was completely harmless. We were just having fun. Like you said before, you aren't a jealous person. Stuff like that shouldn't even be affecting you like this." He gets on the bed beside you and your face tore back up again. He's really getting in this fucking bed beside you like nothing.

But he was right though. You aren't a jealous person. A girl can come up to him at a party and flirt right in your face, but you'd never be bothered. Cause at the end of the day, her ass is getting rejected and he's gonna be inside you later the same night. He's yours and you're his. Simple.

"Ransom, just because I'm not a jealous person doesn't mean I'm gonna keep my mouth if our relationship is threatened." This man is actually delusional.

"You never entertain other girls when I'm around and here you are with a girl on your lap and I'm not there to say or do nothing. And you know your shitty friends will just encourage it. "

At this point, you started to get really insecure. Maybe it's the hormones, maybe it's just your logic. But your mind started racing like NASCAR. What really happens when he's out and you're at home? He wouldn't put your marriage and family at risk over a bitch...right? He hasn't cheated on you, has he? These thoughts really weren't good for your right now.

But he must've read your expressions. You were zoned out and he knows you're an over thinker so he had to stop you real quick. He puts his large left hand over your thigh, rubbing it and his right around your ass, leaning his head against your arm, trying to get you to chill. It almost worked, him knowing you liked your thighs rubbed, especially in your state.

But you caught that shit right away. You moved out of his hold and turn your body completely towards him. And then you ask him.

"Have you ever cheated on me?"

He freezes, you swear for at least 2.4 milliseconds and whips his head around to look at you. You turn your head away, somewhat regretting you even asked. You know this fucker loved you and your family with everything. He even said in his vows he would give his all into you. And you believed him. But fuck that right now. You need to know.

"Are you GODDAMN serious right now?!"

Okay, you paused for two things; he used God's name in vain, which you HATED, due to you growing up religious. Even though you don't practice it very often, it still bothered you. And two, he yelled, completely disregarding the fact that your kid is across the hall sleeping.

You snap your head around, braids hitting your face with super saiyan speed and kick him in his hip.

"What the shit, Y/N?"

"First of all, you know how I feel about that fucking word. STOP USING IT. And two, your daughter is sleeping so you need to keep your damn voice down!"

He's rubbing his side with a distorted look, but you could care less. You were fed up. This imbecile wasn't showing you any respect and your weren't gonna wait for him to get it right.

"How the hell would you feel if I went out, sat on some random dude's lap and entertained him while you were at home with our kid? Matter a fact, I'll do one even better. How about while I'm PREGNANT with YOUR baby, that YOU put in me, I sit on him and letting him rub my belly?"

Ransom has a big ass breeding kink. When you told him you were pregnant he was ecstatic. The though of him knocking you up, his seed growing inside of you just gave him pure ecstacy. And don't even get started on when your bump started to form. He was fucking every chance he got. He was in a theme park and you were his favorite ride.

You know you were playing with fire, but that shit felt AMAZING. He was really feeling how you were feeling right now. Them veins were popping out his neck and his face was slightly turning red. Baby boy was LIVID.

"Y/N, cut that shit out. I'm not doing this with your ass tonight." He looked at you with these eyes you've only seen when his family pissed him off at those gatherings he dragged both of you to. Before you had your first child of course. You went to them less after your daughter's birth because he didn't want her around his shitty family. You completely understood.

"Nah, baby boy. Since you want to be so inconsiderate and a triple asshole tonight, you can lay here by yourself and bathe in it." You got your big ass out the bed after minutes of struggling. Grabbing your black Betty Boop pillow with her cute afro, your charger, phone and your Hot Cheetos out the night stand and slipped on your slides, you waddle across the room, heading into the guest bedroom.

You refuse to sleep in the same bed as him, especially since he refuses to admit he's in the wrong. If you stay in there, you're just going to get even more frustrated and you don't want to harm your baby.

"Y/N, baby. What are you doing? Come back in here" he called you from the bedroom.

You shut the door and lock it. You'll be damned if you're gonna come running back cause he aSkEd you to. You settle in the bed, plug your phone up, grab your chips and turn When They See Us on the T.V.

Ransom just lays back on the bed in defeat. He didn't even make an effort to get you back in the room because you're stubborn as a mule. But he takes this time to go over what just happened.

He truly didn't think you would make a big deal. Like you said before, you're not a jealous person, so he didn't think he'd have to worry. Boy, was he all the way wrong. And you did have a point about you entertaining another man. That had his blood boiling. He gets at most irritated when you come with him to events, like the Oakley Country Club in Watertown and you're everyone's distraction.

It was your first appearance with him there and you being a sight to see, had all eyes on you and your body. Hell, even the women were checking you out, no envy or jealousy in sight. He knew then, he was gonna keep you close. You don't remember ever leaving his side that evening. He even volunteered to go into the bathroom with you. He didn't want to take a chance with the females either.

But in all seriousness, he couldn't bear the thought of you with another man. Especially now that you're married and have two kids together. But he really couldn't believe that you'd even suggest that he had been unfaithful to you. Your reasons were plausible, yes, but he was honestly...hurt. He knows what kind of guy he is comes off as, but he'd never intentionally ruin what you guys have built. You were the only one he truly let close.

He knew what he had to do, even though he dreaded it. He had to go apologize. He hates when you're upset with him. Absolutely hates it. Plus you were looking sexy as hell tonight and he need some of that round brown ASAP, no rocky.

Ransom got up and opened the door, making his way down the hall to the guest bedroom, but not before checking his baby's room. She was still fast asleep, little snores leaving her body. Exiting her room, he knew your door would be locked but tried to open it anyway. When it didn't budge, he knocked a couple of times. But you was knocked out.

Then he remembered. Lifting his hand to the top of the door frame, he searched for the thin key that unlocked the bedroom doors. Once he felt it, he grabbed it and inserted it in the door knob. Click. He pushed the door open and looked around to see the T.V. screen on, but paused, and you lying on your side with the Cheeto bag still open like a damn fool.

He shut the door quietly and made his way around the bed. He closed the loud ass bag, which caused you to stir and reposition your legs. He set the bag on the nightstand and crawled into the bed with you. He stared at you for a moment. Looking at your full lips and your wide nose.

Your afrocentric features were always so mesmerizing to him because they were different from all the other women. They were unique and he understood why you took so much pride in them. You had the damn right, especially looking that good. You were never afraid to embrace them. No person of color should ever be afraid to. Ever.

After what felt like an hour of weird ass staring, Ransom started to shake your arm, trying to wake you. You're a heavy ass sleeper, so it took him a while. You opened your eyes, squinting trying to figure what the fuck just woke your ass up. Feeling a dip in the bed and a presence next to you, Ransom comes into sight.

Even though this man is finer than a MOTHERFUCKER, you still turned your nose up when you looked at him. Your ass was still mad and it was ridiculous. Understandable, but ridiculous as hell. You could only imagine what he wanted now. You roll your eyes.

"Listen, I know you're still pissed at me and whatever, but I just came in here to.... apologize."

He averted his gaze to the T.V. You know how difficult it is for your baby to apologize for anything because even though he clearly in the wrong, he will never ever accept it nor admit it. And damn sure never apologize.

"I realize how you felt when you saw that video", he continued. "I would be even more pissed if you were the one in someone else's lap and I couldn't kick their ass as soon as I saw it."

You chuckled a little bit because it's true. He would be angry as shit. Although, you'd never be in that position because you love and respect him too much. But you let him finish before you spoke.

"With that being said, I'm sorry for my actions. Believe it or not, I'm still getting adjusted to being a husband and a father. I'm still struggling to give up my old habits and the shit I'm so used to doing. It's not easy, baby."

You grab is strong jaw and make him face you. He hasn't made eye contact with you this entire time. You almost felt bad, but he needed to understand. Understand where you were coming from and understand how it made you feel.

"Ransom, I'm not asking you to completely change who you are. I just want to know that you're in this for good. Because you can't turn back now. We've come too damn far. And I'll be damned if you decide to give up your responsibilities. Your ass gon' be grass."

He smiled a teeny bit, because what can you say? You're a natural born comedian. You can turn any situation in to some funny ass shit. But you get back to your point.

"I want you to be able to go out and have fun, but also come back and be a husband and a father. I value my independence just as much as you, so I get it. Just remember what you have. Don't fuck it up for some pussy, alright? That's all I'm saying."

You look him in his sea blue eyes. Damn, them thangs are hypnotic as hell. But you search for something that tells you he understands. That's all you fucking want. Him to understand. But you definitely got your answer.

Just as you were about to ask him, he shoots his face towards you and attacks your mouth like a damn wild ass pig. You were thrown all the way off, but you checked back into reality and kissed him back. You guys had this amazing ass way of getting in sync when you kissed. No matter who initiates it, you flow amazingly.

After a few mintues of saliva attack, you pull away tryna breathe cause he was about to take all your fucking oxygen. He laughs at the look on your face. You end up cracking up too. You can't help it. And he knows it.

"I completely understand, mama. I've definitely taken this into consideration. I learned my lesson." He smiles down at you. Internally you're proud as fuck because it's like you raised a bad ass kid into a well behaved one. The power your ass holds is amazing.

Then you look at the door trying to figure out how the hell he got in the room. "The key." You nod in realization. He rubs your thigh again, and this time, you don't stop him. Instead he stops himself. You look at him confused as fuck.

"But I'm gonna let you sleep in here, since you seem to be so cozy." He was messing with you. Fuck him. He gets up off the bed and head towards the door, but not before looking back to catch your reaction. You had a 'get your ass back over here' look on your face. But he just smirked. That signature smirk.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" He really out here testing you right now. The balls on this motherfucker...

"Ransom, get your ass over here and give me what I want." You look down at his crotch, imagining him without his wool Reiss pants. He follows your eyes, still holding that smirk, but not forgetting to widen it. You lusting after his fLeSh turned him on bad. And it felt so good.

You already know you're to hard to resist. Everyone loves chocolate. Even Ransom's lactose intolerant ass.

You start to rub your belly, purposely drawing his attention, really making him turned on for you. You can feel that that tropical rain storm in your Fenty underwear.

And that boy was ready to start swimming. He expediTiously got back on the bed and in between your legs. You give him that look and that's all he needed. Connecting your lips to his and moving them in perfect sync like always, he starts rubbing up and down the side of your full belly.

"So fucking perfect and all of it's for me."

You pause.

"And who said all of this was for you, Mr. Drysdale?"

Not amused by your comment, he slaps your ass louder than a bitch and you shut your ass up real quick. Not before letting out a little giggle though.

He lifts your heavy ass and pulls the tube top over your head, letting your swole breasteses fall into position. Your areolas widened since having your daughter and Ransom LIVED for it. You were definitely enjoying them massages and those lips treatments he gave you when they were sore, just like now.

He starts kneading the left breast and continues to make out with your face like an animal. His left arm is holding your ass up. He eventually lays you back down, knowing damn well his ass is tired of holding you. You ain't blaming him either.

He hooks his lips on the nipple of the same breast, twirling his deadly tongue all around it. You moan with your head thrown back cause it feels good as hell. He lets go and replaces his mouth with his hands and twirls the nipple with his mouth on the other.

All you could do was mumble cuss words and grab his hair. He was really fucking you up and the real fucking didn't even start yet.

Trailing kisses all the way down your beautiful bump, down all the stretch marks till he reaches your shorts. He wasted no time getting them off and disposing them on the clean floor. Whatever he throw on the floor HE'S picking that shit up, not you. You'll make sure of that.

He looks directly at your covered pussy with excitement in his eyes. More excited than you were, if that's even possible. He takes his thick index finger and rubs you through your panties, completely soaking them. You just watch him, lust dialating your pupils.

He yanks them off, almost taking you off the damn bed at the same time, so you had to re-adjust yourself. He spreads your legs on their sides of his wide shoulders and licks from your core to the hood that covered your clit. You jerked a little cause you were in your second trimester, the horny trimester. You were 🌃 sensitive 🌃.

Then his annoying ass starts lapping in circles in super saiyan speed. You cry out and grab your left breast, squeezing and rubbing it. He stretches his left hand out and takes the right one, doing the same thing. Your back was continuously arching. You know your baby was fed up.

After a couple of more laps, your body finally can't take anymore and you cum all over his mouth. He has the audacity to keep going, even when your clit is hypersensitive, making you literally whimper, so you have to slap his head to get him to stop.

He pulls away with that stupid famous smirk.

"All that shit you're always talking, but you couldn't take a little sensitivity?" He teases you. But that's alright, cause you gon' remember that next time you're on your knees for him. When he comes, you not taking your mouth off him until you feel like it.

"Just fuck me already before I change my mind." You don't know why you even said that shit. He can tease you all you want. You'll never not have your legs or mouth open, ready for him to stick his dick wherever he feels.

He just chuckles, cause he knows that too.

Taking your body, he flips you on your left side and settles behind you, dick right against your ass. Its one of your favorite positions because he could hit your sweet spot perfectly this way. And he could rub your bump at the same time. Beneficial for the both of your greedy asses.

He was taking way to long so you grab his dick and line it up with your pussy and push the tip in slowly, playing with your own arousal. Ransom just watched. He loved seeing you desperate for his stupid ass, but you gave zero fucks at the moment.

Finally you slip his huge ass girth inside you and you moan out loud as hell. You really just be turned on by anything at this point. He then takes back the lead and pushes further till he bottoms out inside you. He's heavily breathing his hot ass breath on your neck like a weirdo, but fuck it.

Once both of you are adjusted, he starts moving in and out of you. The position made your walls hella tighter and he was already hitting your spot. His tight arm is wrapped around your stomach now. You constantly moan his name and he's just encouraging it.

"Ransom, fuck, baby just like that"

"You love when I fuck you like this, don't you pretty girl?"

You hated when he called you "pretty girl, sweet girl, or good girl" because you become a straight whore for him right away. He's such an asshole.

"Yes, Daddy- please don't stop"

"Tell me how bad you want it baby"

There he go with these fucking games. Always wanting to hear you beg.

"I want it so bad, Daddy ! pleASe give it to mE"

Happy Ransom?

He starts to pick up the pace and you feel the pleasure in your toes. It just travel from there all around your body and you can't say anything but "don't stop" and moan uncontrollably.

You start getting close and he can tell by the way you pick up the moans. So he starts going faster. But never forgetting to add a little nasty dialogue.

"I can feel you ready to come sweet girl. Keep clenching around me baby" That shit just made you even more whore-knee. If you weren't already pregnant, he was definitely gonna put a baby in you that night.

"Baby I'm close- fill me up Ransom please "

You're begging for this man to cum inside you, but he always wanna play a damn game.

"Hmmm do you truly deserve to cum baby? I don't know if you do.."

You wanted to hit him so bad, but he wouldn't let you come if you did. So you go along with it.

"Yes Daddy I'll do anything- Please just let me cum !" You screamed.

At this point you were loud as 🌃fuck🌃 .

After more begging he finally let you come.

"Oh shit Ransom- FUCK" You come all over his dick and shortly after, he came right behind you. Filling you up just like you wanted. He slumped against your back and you lowered your shaky leg.

"You always take me so well baby girl." He starts kissing your neck. You could literally hear that loppy ass smile he has on his face everytime y'all get done. But you get all tingly inside because you love when he praises you. Makes you feel proud of yourself.

"Well there's not much to take so...it's whatever." What are you without a teasing remark after every other sentence? But he always has a clapback.

"Its funny you say that because the other day you were practically in tears because my dick was "too much for one woman to take" and that I was practically torturing you." At this point you're turned over facing him grinning like a Cheshire cat and him smiling right back at you.

"Oh shut the fuck up, with your annoying ass." You snap back at him playfully, rolling your eyes.

"You love me, my chocolate bunny." He let's out an audible yelp when you kick him in his leg. You hate when he calls you that. "Cut it out Ransom, or you're not touching me for a week."

There you go again saying the dumb shit. You both know that YOU could never go through with that.

"Fine by me", he states unphased. Cause he knows you could never.

You roll your eyes for the 50thousanth time.

"You're lucky I love your ass."

"I love you too pretty girl" he winks.

Just as you were about to get up, you hear something jiggle the doorknob and someone huffing and puffing outside the door. That little girl over here jumping up and down tryna to open the damn door. You're literally hollering at her struggle. Truly sick in the fucking head.

"Mama! Where Papa ?" Ransom grins as he throws you his blue sweater so you can cover up and gets up to let your baby girl in.

You truly cannot stand this guy.

This all came to me so fast 😭 I hope y'all like it lmaoo

[heresathreebee]

That G-D Ring of Yours

High Fidelity’s Robyn Brooks X Female reader

Summary: You seek comfort from your neighbor Rob

Masterlist

There's probably gonna be a part 2

Word count: 2.5k words

Warning(s): +15 | implied cheating, internalized homophobia, heterosexism, author and Rob swearing, no hate to polyamorists but major hate to bad faith players, shameless self insert, no beta, barely edited, long as fuck I'm so sorry

Author's note: I'm having anxiety for no discernable reason and my brain has decided this is ideal fuel for a fic, so please enjoy. EDIT: ha ha yeah still anxious but we're doing stuff about it

-------------------------------------------------------

"-- And she just touched my hand by accident and I just felt this–  this spark between us…" 

It was so sweet how he was talking about it. Or at least it would be were this not your fiancé explaining how he had been seeing another person behind your back. Had you rushed into things with him? Gotten hitched after three months because of familial pressure to settle down and start your family? Quite possibly.

But it didn't make that stabbing in your gut hurt any less. 

You had been a little gung-ho from date number 1, but he had been right there with you the whole time. Date number 2 happened the following weekend and then you just kept seeing each other more and more until before you knew it you had been introduced to each other's extended families and announced your engagement on Valentine's Day. 

You started to suspect something was amiss on Sunday, when you were braiding your hair on the bed and he had gone to take a shower. He accidentally set his phone screen aside with a text chat still open. Thinking nothing of it (he had already told you he was talking to Mark about getting drinks tonight), you looked at the name and saw it belonged to a woman you had never heard of before. Your immediate reaction was 'she must be a new coworker or a cousin,' but then you glanced again and saw the text conversation mirrored the same kind of ‘sentiments’ he texts you. 

The dirt burned into your brain for eternity: 

You had looked away then. You were actually not going to say anything at all to him that night– had planned to bring it up after Tuesday dinner with your auntie's family, but something came up. It turns out that Jessabelle also frequented the same Starbucks as you (and she's your age, not a teen like you worried). You can't even find it in you to be mad at her since it seemed like she had no idea who you were when she showed you the picture of her date at a baseball game. You tried not to puke as you asked for her number and to send her that picture "for her contact profile." 

You hadn't heard a word your fiance had said since the beginning of the phone call and you cut him off with some excuse you barely remember. You tossed your phone carelessly onto the couch and laid back on the cushions in defeat. What now? 

You weren't really a drinker or a smoker, and you didn't exactly have friends who would be supportive right now. You could hear them now, your family too– asking you what you did wrong, telling you to just forgive him or how to get even, or simply saying 'well what do you expect? Boys will be boys.' 

Maybe… no, you definitely need to get this off your chest before you do something stupid like pretend to forget about it. You had a bad habit of that because you tend to fall fast and hard. Perhaps your neighbor could give you some advice. 

Thank the Lord for fire escapes. Rob lived on the floor beneath you, always playing something good from her huge collection of vinyl records. You've told her at least a hundred times before if she played nothing but Phil Collins for the rest of eternity, you could die happy. You crossed your fingers and hoped you weren't being weird or invading her privacy. 

Thankfully, she seemed to be expecting you. She even motioned that the latch was undone and waved you inside. Ok the second wine glass made your face grow hot. 

"I'm not interrupting am I?" 

Rob gave you a warm smile. "I could hear you pacing around your kitchen for about an hour. Was about to come and get you actually." 

She pressed the glass into your hand and you made an effort not to grimace. Rob liked her drinks cheap and strong and she never held back. You tried a sip just to be polite, and she snorted at the face you pulled. 

"That's right, you like that sweet stuff. What's it called again?" 

"Stella Rosa," you mumbled, grateful when she takes the glass back and hands you a water to replace it. 

"Favorite flavor," she asked looking at her phone. 

"Uh… the peach and the rosé. They're all pretty good, not gonna lie." 

"OK, take this, grab a blanket from the hall closet, and tell me what's going on." 

You curled up on Rob's couch and put your feet up. There were piles of records all over the place, empty beer cans and a pizza box or two on the coffee table. Your neighbor tapped away at her phone screen before silencing it and slipping it in her back pocket. She gave you a minute or two to speak up, sipping her drink like you two had all night. Which actually you did as you did not want to see your fiancé right now. 

You felt two fingers gently tap your forehead. "Come on, dreamer, tell me what's going on in that head of yours." 

You swallow the lump in your throat. "I feel a little over dramatic saying my life is about to fall apart." 

Rob raised her eyebrows at you. "Damn, OK." 

You rush to correct yourself– explain your weird sentiment in more detail but you end up just vomiting words until your voice is hoarse. 

"I mean– like– like it's not falling apart per say or whatever– I… the rest of my life is fine its just my relationship that's screwed. Which I guess I'm more worried about because it's gonna screw up all my other relationships for a while too– dang it, let me start over–" 

"Babe! Slow down. Breathe." Rob switched drinks with you and against your better judgement you took a sip. Oddly enough it did calm you down. "So… it's your fiancé, right? What did he do?" 

You stared at her trying to unscramble your thoughts. "He… I found out he was kind of... dating another person. After I found out, he tried to explain that he didn't think I would mind–" 

Rob barked, "let me guess: he didn't think you were exclusive? Pull the Main Chick, Side Chick schtick? Tried to claim 'polyamory' after he got caught?" 

Two and two clicked together at last. "Yeah… yeah, he did!," you scoffed, "and it's not like it didn't ever come up in conversation: we spent our third date talking out our, like, sexualities and fantasies and fetishes and shit. If he was polyamorous, wh- why wouldn't he have brought it up then?" 

"That is so fucked." 

You took a deeper draft of her wine, coughing before setting it aside. Up until now, you've been numb. Now there's this wave of anger boiling up to the surface and you hear yourself getting louder. Rob doesn't flinch but she does give you this look of empathy unlike anything you've seen before. 

"If he– if he would have just asked me, I would have told him it was fine. My family does shit like that all the time: nobody bats an eye! If he really thought I wouldn't mind, he wouldn't have been so freaking sneaky about it. He literally lied, Robyn!" 

You whipped around and for a brief moment you knew you looked crazy. "He said he was going out for drinks with his guy friend, but he was making plans to go to a baseball game with a girl I've never heard of! If he really thought I wouldn't mind, or if he 'thought I would understand,' then why would go out of his way to lie about who he was with?" 

Someone buzzed Rob's door and she left you on the couch momentarily, coming back quickly with two bottles of your favorite wine. "Damn girl, these are kinda bougie: Peach or Rosé?" 

"I--"you choked, "Robyn you didn't have to–" 

"Peach it is!" She unscrewed the caps and handed you the whole freaking bottle of white, downing the last of her merlot and getting a fresh glass for you. 

You felt a little guilty she had spent money on you. But then again it had been her choice. If she didn't want you there, Rob wouldn't have let you in in the first place. Maybe you were just a tinsy bit worried you shouldn't be here. 

You and Rob took a break from talking to put on music and get a little tipsy. It came much easier with the help of the Stella Rosa, though Rob initially complained it was 5.5%, she did get accustomed to the sweetness pretty fast, and after consuming half the bottle, realized it was a little easier to get carried away with a drink like this. She admitted it was her first time trying rosé and now she was hooked. Eventually you started talking again, just spilling your guts out with no filter anymore. 

"I really think I just hate myself," you said cuddling the cool glassware. "When I found out, I wasn't even thinking of it as a betrayal of my trust– it felt like I was trying to come to terms with it so I could continue with the relationship. Not because it would make me happy but because… I don't know… it's what everybody else wants me to do. They don't even know about it and I was fully prepared not to tell them even though they'd want me to marry him whether they knew or not." 

Rob barked a laugh of surprise. "Doh-K!" 

"What?" 

"Nothing, nothing…" she said, "keep going." 

You stared off into the middle distance and leaned into her side. She was a tiny bit warm despite her lithe figure. Made you want to throw your blanket over her shoulders and share your greater warmth. 

So you did (you're not great at acting out your desires but this is nice!)

"It's just easier," the words left your mouth unbidden, "I don't even know what that means, but it's true. I don't want to marry him anymore but I don't want to break it off. Not marrying Fiancé means disappointing my family. It means having to find an entire new man to marry sooner rather than later because I'm already 'behind' and lowering my already low expectations. 

"It's not gonna make me happy, but I just think it's easier to keep this wedding going because at least I won't have to find somebody new who might not be as good for me just because I didn't want him. Another man won't make me happy so there's no reason to drop him... except that I don't want him." 

Rob's brow furrowed. "Are you saying it's easier for you to please your family than it is to be happy?" 

"Yes? I– no, I– … I don't know," you sigh. "I guess you could say my priorities are a little… mismanaged." 

"Sure, you could say that." Rob wrapped her arms around your shoulders and you inhaled the scent of her soap and cigarettes. "What if you tried… like… not doing that anymore...? You just said you do whatever your family wants you to do. So, just like do what makes you happy for a change." 

It really does sound so simple the way she puts it, doesn't it? Why are you doing this to yourself? You're not dependent on them for money or security or happiness for that matter. So... why has your whole life been centered around pleasing them? 

"I think… I think I've never really sat down and thought about what makes me happy," you admitted. "I think it's just been that way forever and I might have been too scared to try anything else." 

Rob hummed. "Are you still scared now?" 

Are you? You look into her eyes and ask yourself a question that has never crossed your mind with such depth. You used to be scared– but what is it about your happiness that you are so afraid of? OK, let’s start a little simpler: what are things that make you happy? 

“I like…” you swallowed, trying to break down the barriers you’ve built years and years ago. “I like… coffee. I like… short skirts. I like… girls– I like… my job. I like… music. I think I’d enjoy camping, you know, some day…” 

Your words… these things seemed so arbitrary and trivial. But in your house, these things cause dissent. “My family has an opinion about everything. There’s no right way to live in all of their eyes, but I think I figured out a way to get past it. Keep my head down and do what’s expected of me. Graduate college, get a respectable job, find a man to marry, drop the job and become a mother. Just… don’t make waves. It seemed better because the cousins who didn’t or couldn’t… well they became the butt of every joke at the family dinner. Lisa had one miscarriage so she was a ‘failure’ and Don never dated girls so he was gay and that was ‘bad,’ but grandma Zelda did everything a good Christian woman could do and they still gossiped about her behind her back… 

“And I just… I just let their ignorance control me for my entire life.” God, you could cry right now, but somehow it just felt too good to say it outloud. “That.. that is so fucked.” 

Robyn snorted, and you turned to her as if you’d forgotten she was there. There it was again, that sympathy. Not pity, she did not burden you with tears of her own or try to be angry for you. She just listened and understood. You twisted the diamond encrusted ring on your finger and stared at her. You felt it, that feeling in your heart. No one else had given you that look, like she could really see you. 

“You’re not going back to Fiancé, are you?” Her question was equal parts worrisome and hopeful and you already knew the answer in your heart. 

“No.”

And that was it. Decision made. Actually easier than you'd thought. Maybe not down the road but it felt good for now. There's the telling your fiancé it's over, the moving out, the public announcement, the inevitable feeling of failure, your family, god, his family too. Untangling your lives would be long and hard. You're not sure if you have that level of commitment and motivation in you but fuck it. Problems for tomorrow.

You rest your head on Rob's shoulder and hope your not pushing any boundaries. She doesn't stop you though, in fact she snuggles you deeper into her. You get the feeling she's been here before though your not sure which side or how bad it was for her.

"I like you way more in the few times I've met you than any man I've ever dated," you heard yourself say. "I'm sure that means something but I'm too tired to decide anymore. No tonight at least."

Rob chuckled. "I like you too, sugar."

If you made it this far, hi 💛 appreciate you, leave me a comment! Or just comment "💛"

[artsyxloner]

Not Just a Monster

Warning: violence, blood, talks about self harm

12: Little kind gestures Pt2

I felt my heart flutter right through my chest. I had just held his hand, not thinking it through. It was warm and soft, sure I've held other guys hands but there's was nothing like Hyun-Su's

I wonder what he was thinking? He probably thinks I'm wired, Turing my head to see if he was still there I breathed out in relief when he wasn't.

A smile must have crept onto my lips because I felt my cheeks heat up. I don't know why I was smiling or why my heart was beating a mile per minute?

It shouldn't be because I'm in on shape or form to be thinking about someone like that especially when we're both infected we have our problems to deal with.

Sitting down on the chair that was in front of the door I didn't know why I had to guard others let Hyun-Su or the others out if Eun-Hyuk needed them.

It was most likely Hyun-Su though, waiting around a couple of people came up to the cell holding a piece of paper in their hand it was Jay-Hwan.

Standing up I crossed my arms, " what are you here for?" I questioned, he Extended out his hand and I immediately snatched it from his hands.

Flipping it open I read it was a list of objects he wanted Hyun-Su to get. I rolled my eyes he had just got back not even a few minutes ago and now they're wanting him to go back?

Bullshit!

" really? He just back, now you're wanting him to go up there again?" I shoved the piece of paper back into his hands. The guy scoffed, " so, it's the only thing he's good for."

He shoved past me calling for Hyun-Su, if I could only punch the guy in his face multiple times to get some sense into him I would be content.

" I could do it."

I hurried and spoke before he got here. Jay-Hwan turned and looked at me Raising his brow. " you?" I nodded, " I made it back last time with the guy in the wheelchair and a couple of others."

" That was you?" I couldn't stop myself so I flicked his head, for his dumb question, he made an 'Ow' sound rubbing it. " who else Casper?" I proclaimed.

I a couple of people chuckled, Just give me the paper and I'll be off. He was about to give it to me when Hyun-Su's voice stopped us. " another request?"

" more like a demand," I uttered under my breath. But that was meant to be heard. Jae-Hwan gave me a sharp glare, there turned to Hyun-Su.

" just a couple of things, I need." He slid the paper through the small bars on the door. He grabbed it looking it over, " I already said I would do it!" I barked, he shrugged.

" let me get my things." Jae-hwan smirked, " trying to protect your boyfriend huh?" He whispered when Hyun-Su left. Was he trying to poi's me off? " he's not my boyfriend!" retorted back.

We began to bicker until Hyun-Su got back. " Make sure you get everything!" Jay-Hwan said in a threatened, manner. And his group of friends left.

How do people like that Survive In a world like this? I shook my head unlocking the door letting Hyun-Su out. Walking out he stopped gripping his spear, " I wouldn't worry about him, people like that don't Survive long anyway."

I sighed, shaking my head, " what about me?" I frowned looking up at him, thinking it over truly no one Survives in a world like this even the good. " well you know what I mean? At least you're not a jerk." I pointed out.

In the corner of my eye, I saw a small Tug on his lips. I didn't say anything because he knew he would deny it. " well you should get going don't want to keep them waiting."

Hyun-Su nodded. About to leave but I grabbed his jacket sleeve, " be careful okay, promise." I grabbed his hand linking our pinky's then pressing our thumbs together.

" there know you just promised me." I smiled, but he was staring at me again deciding to ignore the awkward situation I let go. " go," I pushy-him to get a move on. Shewing him away with my hands.

As he did he kept looking back in the got to the end of the hall Disappearing. After he was gone I leaned back on one of the door letting out a deep breath. What did I just do?

I keep thinking and say I shouldn't like him and I shouldn't get close but it's like I can't help myself and I ignore my warnings. Why was this so frustrating and Complicated.

Sitting down again, I closed the door locking it, sitting down again. I looked at my clothes noticing how bad condition they were in. All bloodied and ripped up I needed something new to wear.

Getting up, there's no since in guarding unless Hyun-Su was in there in case someone wanted to request something. And Suk-Hyun wouldn't come out he's been quiet for a while but I wasn't complaining.

Getting up I taking the keys I walked over to the office, and gave Eun-Hyuk the keys before walking out he began to talk. " make sure someone else is guarding we don't won't no brake outs." He said looking through some types books.

" of course," was the only thing I said then walked out, searching for someone to guard the door, I soon found the man I met upstairs. " Gil-Seob do you mind guarding right now."

He was up on a latter with I'm not Binoculars searching for something. He lowered them taking a quick nod. " sure kid, I probably need to rest my eyes anyway." He climbed downs.

I bowed saying thank you and we took are separate ways. Walking over to the day-care-Center I checked if anyone's was in the room. Finding no one, I closed the door going over to the couch I dragged out my duffel bag I stuffed under there.

Unzipping the bag I pulled out a shirt and a dark blue shirt with skate boarding skeletons on it. I then slid on my brown Demi jacket. 

Feeling better in new clothes I found in a basket of clothes, I zipped it back up and pushed back under the couch. I wonder if Hyun-Su was doing right now?

I hope he wasn't fighting a monster, biting the inside of my lip I prayed he was okay. Going out I saw the group was in the entrance backing away from something, getting a closer look I saw it was coming from another hallway that led to one of Quarantine room doors.

It slowly came into view, it was all hairy with long hair. It reminded me of a Sloth from how slow it moved towards us. Hearing gasps people Readied there weapons I heart sunk wondering if it was Hyun-Su but it couldn't be since there was no way he was back yet.

Then I realized who it was it was Suk-Hyun he had finally turned in someway I felt bad for him even though he was a complete ass no one really Deserves this.

The Mysterious looking guy came in front of him as if he was going to kill the monster but the store owner wife came into view. " that's my husband, stay back." She moved towards him with a bat in her hands.

I knew what she was about to do, the group kept telling her not to get close but she just Ignored them. " pull yourself together Suk-Hyun!"

She ordered them a hand shot out from his mop of hair. She the said it a second time a hit him upside the head with the metal bar screaming.

" you decided to come back. Any last words?" I couldn't watch, even though I didn't like the guy it was still heartbreaking. She then started to hit then guy in the head.

Hearing the kids cry out watching this scene unfold I grabbed them covering there eyes. As I shut mine, cringing at the cracking and mushing sounds.

I took the kids away because they didn't need to witness this. I didn't either knowing I will turn and they will do this to me I couldn't take it. The thought of them killing me made me want to cry.

Going near the Quarantine room I saw the door had been busted open. I stuck the kids in there because the day-care-Center was on the other side were it was happing.

Blood and hair was all over the place I wanted to puke. I sat the kids on Hyun-Su's mattress. " are they going to do that to Hyun-Su?" Yeong-Su blurted out, I could tell he was concerned.

Knowing I can't lie because they would, I nodded. Going over to the kids, I sat down with each of them on my side. " why? Hyun-Su's my friend." The little boy did a pouty face. I wanted to smile but I couldn't, " because They think all monsters are bad but let me tell you guys something?"

I brought the closer hugging the kids. " not all monsters do monstrous things. Sometimes they even defeat the bad guys that can be humans." I tried to explain not all of us where terrible.

The kids nodded trying to understand, where I was coming from. " Hyun-Su won't hurt us right?" Su-Yeong asked leanings in my side.

" No, I don't see that happening just remember what I just told you okay." I patted her back. " we are going to wait here until it's all over with okay?"

The kids then agreed, as we waited they soon left the room with Mrs. Cha that came to get them I stayed in here so after I started to hear footsteps coming this way.

I soon realized it was Hyun-Su he was back, I closed my eyes breathing out he was okay I began to get worried. He came into the room I then noticed some blood on his face. He seemed Surprised seeing me in here.

" I didn't want to watch." I brought my knees up to my chest, Hyun-Su just stared down thinking of something, was it because of what happened with Suk-Hyun?

Padding a seat on the softish mattress, I got his attention and waved for him to sit down. " come." He did as told and took a seat. " Are you okay?" I knew he wasn't if he saw what happened to Suk-Hyun.

" yeah, I'm fine what about you?" He turned his head staring at me. Was I okay? Probably not but I lied knowing that's the best answer to give right now.

That was everyone's answer because they don't what to say no I'm actually crumbling inside and I just want help.

So for know it Yeah or yes. I leaned my hand back staring at nothing until I got a glimpse of something on Hyun-Su's arm. I wanted to ask.

" what happened?" I pointed at the scar that was peaking out from his jacket sleeve. " I did it." He shortly replied, I Raised an eyebrow. " no I am why how did it to you?" I shot back knowing someone else was in on this.

I then grabbed his arm pulling up his sleeve seeing a long scar that looked like it had two line across it. My eyes winded a little. Why would he do this do himself who made him do it?

" does it hurt?" He had to think on it the mumbled no, shaking my head I took out the band-Aid he had going on the shelf behind him and took a couple. Unwrapping them I stuck them on here feeling his scar graze over my thumb.

" there, every time it hurts put a band-aid on it." Mentioned, pulling his sleeve back down. Then getting up going to leave but then stopped.

" be sure to get some rest you never know when there going to ask you to do something again." I informed, letting him know he needs his rest.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty-Three [Pt. 1]

Part Eighty-Three [Pt. 2]

A/N: There's 2 parts to this chapter because the post was way long. Part Eighty-Four will be posted tomorrow night. I love yall and hope you enjoy, goodnight!!

Words: 5.7k

Warnings: Explicit language, drug abuse, violence, verbal abuse, domestic abuse, explicit sexual situations

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"The ambulance is on the way." I hear someone say over the noise of the running water and the blood throbbing in my ears from my mind racing. 

My heart feels like it's about to burst, my lungs feel flat, like they don't have the muscle to expand and let me catch my breath. 

Duff's t-shirt that I'm wearing is soaked with freezing cold water, Nikki's grayish-yellow skin now blue… 

We've been trying to get him to wake up. 

Slash is passed out, being knocked out by his girlfriend, Sally, once he realized what was happening and had a drunk meltdown. 

Me, Sally, Duff and Steven get Nikki from the cold shower and get him back in the living room floor, tearing at his shirt and the buttons fly off. 

"Holy shit." Steven says just under his breath as I go to start cpr but I'm stopping when my hands hit something like ice.

I quickly see what it is and I nearly fall back. 

It's my crucifix that I thought I had lost when I left it in Duff's hotel room a couple months ago…

TWELVE HOURS AGO

"Nikki's getting home later than the rest of the guys." Karen informs me as I finish wiping down the kitchen counter. 

"Why?" I ask and she sighs. 

"He told me he missed the flight." 

"Of course he did." I mumble and she sighs. 

"Well, after that stunt he pulled, I'm surprised he's even getting to come home." She states and I furrow my brows. 

"What stunt?"

"Doc didn't tell you?" 

"No?"

"...Nikki and the guys were on a bullet train and something riled Nikki up and he threw a bottle of Jack at a window and it busted and got all over the passengers, then when they got stopped and the cops got ahold of him, Tommy punched one of them so they'd take him, too." She explains. 

Am I surprised, no. Shocked, no. Disappointed, no. Annoyed? Yes. 

"They are so freaking embarrassing." I sneer to myself.

"Oh, the worst part is what he told the police chief, in Doc's words, 'if my balls were on your chin, where would my dick be?'" 

I widen my eyes, blinking slowly. 

"He said the man couldn't understand exactly what he said so the translator told him Nikki said he was very sorry and they got off." She adds.

"Of course they did." 

She just looks at me for a moment before letting out a soft breath. 

"Vivian, do you think...even the slightest chance you two can--"

"--If there was a chance, I would've gone to Japan with them." I tell her.

She's quiet. 

"I need to feed the dog." I say to her, dismissively, and as if on cue, Whisky is darting in here. "Hey, baby!" I pipe, excitedly, still feeling Karen's gaze on me before she steps out of the kitchen. "Mommy's trying not to kill Daddy." I tell him, pouring his food in his bowl. "She's really trying."

A couple hours later, I'm putting makeup on to go meet Duff when the phone starts ringing. 

"Hello?" I answer it in the bedroom, sitting on the bed. 

"Hey, beautiful, it's Robbin." I hear from the other side and I roll my eyes, chuckling. 

"Hey, beautiful, what's up?" I reply in the same tone. 

"Nothin'." He replies. "I was wondering if your daddy was home, yet?" He asks in reference to Nikki and I scoff. 

"My father is at home with my mother, probably praying or reading the Bible or secretly listening to The Cult records in the garage." I reply. 

"You know who I'm talking about, c'mon." He laughs. 

"No, Robbin, your boyfriend isn't home yet." I tell him. 

"Do you know when he will be?"

"Not too long from now, probably."

"Well, when he gets in, tell him to gimme a call." 

"I might not be here but I'll leave a note." 

"Where you going?" He asks. 

"Out."

"With who?" 

"Robbin."

"Why don't you ever come see me anymore? I haven't hung out with you in months." 

"Because I don't party and that's all you like to do at night." 

"Well, bring your ass with Sixx when he comes tonight."

"Robbin--"

"--Please, for me?" 

"I'll think about it, alright?" 

"Okay, just don't forget to get him to call me." He reminds me and I nod.

"I will."

"See you later...maybe." 

"Later."

We hang up and I groan and fall back on the bed, looking at myself in the mirrored ceiling, before calling Duff to postpone our plans by a couple hours so I can go hangout with Nikki and Robbin.

Once I'm dressed, I fall back on the bed, waiting for Nikki to get in…

I turn over on my stomach and reach for the little radio clock on his side of the bed, my finger pulling the switch on. 

Dopey Christmas music filters through the room and I turn it back off, sighing. 

Whisky jumps up on the bed with me and I sit up so he doesn't lick my makeup off, giggling at his happy-go-lucky demeanor, but something's off in his eyes. 

"He'll be back tonight, baby." I promise, scratching at his chin. "I miss him, too, you know? I know that's hard to believe but I do." I admit to him and he blinks at me. "And if you tell anybody, I won't give you table scraps anymore." I add, the corners of my mouth tugging. 

I kiss his head, leaving a smudge of lipstick and I wince, forgetting I even had the stuff on. 

"Oops." I go to the bathroom and get a wet washcloth, srubbing it off his fur as best as a I can. 

That's when I hear the door open and slam, and I exhale, standing up, tossing the cloth aside and peeking my head out of the bedroom door to see if it's Karen or Nikki. 

"Hey," I say to him and he looks at me. 

He looks like absolute hell. 

"You can stop looking at me like that." He mumbles and I try to speak but can't find the words. 

"Sorry." I finally get it out and he goes to the bathroom and shuts the door. 

I hear the shower start and I thank God because he smells horrendous. 

I light a few scented candles while he's in there, trying to clear out the smell. 

Then I try to search his suitcase for drugs, to no avail. 

"I threw them out before I got to the airport." He says and I freeze up, sighing when he reaches past me and grabs the suitcase, tugging it to the floor before grabbing at my waist, making me turn around to face him. 

I just try to keep my expression neutral, not knowing if he's in a mood or not. 

"You smell better." I tell him to avoid an awkward silence as we're uncomfortably close. 

"Yeah, so do you." He replies and I roll my eyes, about to move out of his grasp. "Wait, wait, no, no, c'mere." He grabs at me tighter, holding me still, chuckling boyishly and I give a sharp breath. 

"You're high," I state, trying to nudge him away from me to give me some space. 

"Hey, I'm being nice." His expression shifts, eyes cutting at me, mouth snarling. 

"Nikki--"

"--No, when I'm pissed you get bitchy and when I'm in a good mood you get bitchy. You're just a fucking bitch. Always have been. Always will be." He snatches himself away, kicking the suitcase out of his way. 

"I'd rather be a bitch than a junkie." I reply as he goes to the bathroom and he's turning around in milliseconds. 

"Fuck you!" He shouts, grabbing my jaw, forcing my back down to the mattress, "fuck you, you condescending, manipulative, evil little witch!" He barks in my face and I keep myself as calm as I can, not wanting to make it worse. 

I shouldn't have even called him a junkie to begin with. 

I knew how he'd react. 

"Don't you ever call me that again, Vivian, do you fucking understand me?! I'm tired of it! I'm tired of your shit and your endless whining when I started shooting up because of you in the first fucking place and I keep shooting up just to escape from the reality that I'm fucking married to a twisted, sick, sneaky cunt like you!" 

My eyes water, a lump in my throat…

"Then divorce me." I let out weakly, my voice cracking. "If I'm so awful then just leave me, Nikki." 

He looks at me, tears in his own eyes, before he gets off of me and goes to the bathroom to finish getting ready. 

NIKKI

I thought couldn't do that. Even when I was miserable with her, I was in love with her. That's contradictory to how I acted and treated her but it wasn't necessarily an endless doting, constant lovey-dovey, in love, thing. It was a poisonous, constant merry-go-round and anytime I would try to get off she'd pull me on again without even realizing it. She'd wear a hot dress, or laugh, or smile, or do something for me, or just say 'Nikki', and fuck, I'd be on her again. The Duff thing wasn't even on my mind that night. I got home, saw she was there, went inside and saw her and it took everything in me not to fall to my fucking knees...only for her to call me a junkie. I shouldn't have grabbed her like that, but at that point I was tired of the going around and around, spinning, dizzy, exhausted from puking...she wouldn't leave me. So I was trying to scare her off. 

I realized after my overdose that there was no scaring her off. She was as sick as I was, she needed help like I did, and until we got it we would still be on the ride. That's when I filed for divorce. I thought of it as my final, "I love you," because I really did it for her, knowing she wouldn't file after I OD'd. We were torturing ourselves at that point. We both needed to just get away from one another. And we did.

"You coming or not, Vivian, c'mon!" I call into the house when the car gets here, rolling my eyes as she takes her sweet, precious time, deliberately, staring me in the eye as she slowly steps to the door, her brow raised, red lips keeping restraint from curling at the sight of me. 

When she walks past, I'm tempted to rear back and hit her ass as hard as my hand can muster, just to see her look at me with her unamused, pissy little look she gives me when I'm being an asshole. 

We get in the back of the limo and she sits as far away from me as possible. 

It's silent on the way to town, the light flittering, through the windows in the back cast light over her face every now and then...we'd be in the floor tearing at clothes by now if this was three years ago. 

Fuck.

How the hell did we go from not getting enough of each other to fucking despising each other? 

Again, like I've been doing all year, I remind myself it's because I fucked up with Vanity.

I hope she doesn't tell Vivian I called her in Japan...It's  like I really miss her or anything, I was just lonely and Vivian wasn't taking my calls. 

She was under Duff, the demon in my ear laughs out and I look at Vivian again, seeing her quickly look away from me as if she'd get caught for staring. 

I wonder what she's thinking about right now...I wonder if she really has been with Duff this whole I haven't been home. 

Not that I have room to bitch, I spent my whole time in Japan with my head in drugs--which might as well be a fucking mistress. 

I give her one last glance before clearing my throat and leaning my head back to rest my eyes for a moment. 

Soon, we stop, and the door flings open, Robbin, Slash, some chick, and Steven all pile in, Vivian scooting over so there's more room for everyone to sit. 

I go to the other window, letting Slash and the girl I'm assuming is with him get beside me. 

Vivian's between Robbin and Steven, and it's evident they've been having some fun before meeting us. 

"Sixx!" Robbin lets out, kicking the seat I'm in.

"King!" I reply, kicking his seat, and he chuckles. 

"How was Japan?" He asks, rubbing his nose. 

"I barely remember." I admit with a laugh and he joins me, nodding. 

"Nikki, this is Sally." Slash tells me next and I lean over him to see her. 

She's pretty hot. 

"Nice to meet you." She tells me.

She's Scottish...interesting. 

I hear Vivian giggle and I peek out the corner of my eye and see Robbin whispering something in her ear, and she elbows him, jokingly. 

"You are, just saying." He says to her and she rolls her eyes. "Just get more and more beautiful the longer I go without seeing you." He adds. 

"Shut up." She nudges him. 

"You are." He chuckles. 

"Sleepy is what I am." She states as Steven tells me something, and I try to hear him, but I'm too focused on what Robbin's going on about. 

"Here," he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a baggie of coke, grabbing his keys and getting some on the tip of it, holding it up to her nose. 

She wrinkles her nose and shoos him away. 

"No, no, no." She shakes her head. 

"C'mon."

"No." She keeps her voice light but stern and he lowers it and looks at her with a smirk on his lips. 

Next thing I know, she's laughing out, "Robbin, stop," while King's dumping the dab of coke on the smooth skin of her tit that's pushed up slightly in her strapless dress. 

She squeals and laughs as he snorts it off, I guess because the scratch of his five o'clock shadow tickles or she just gets off on making me mad, then he starts quickly trailing little kisses up her cheek to her ear and she tries to put her ear to her shoulder, laughing more when his other hand tickles at her stomach…he's nearly got her laid out on the seat. 

My foot makes contact with his stomach and I'm nearly barking when I say, "sit your ass down, Robbin," sharply, making it clear I'm not bullshitting him.

"I was just playing, Sixx, damn." He sniffles, wiping his nose.  

"You don't 'play' like that." I throw at him. 

An intense silence falls over all of us and Vivian just brushes what's left of the coke off of her chest and straightens her dress before giving him a soft, reassuring smile. 

Great. Is she fucking him, too? 

When we get to the Cathouse, Vivian stays close to Steven and eventually Sally when the two of them warm up to each other. 

We make it up to V.I.P. and Viv makes a point to try to avoid sitting beside me. 

But I wait for her to sit and I'm sitting right beside her with a smug smirk while she glares at me. 

"What's wrong, baby?" I lean into her ear and ask over the loud music and she just shakes her head. 

I pat myself on the back when she eventually gets up, mumbling about the bathroom, and leaves us. 

After a few (several) lines of blow, I head to the bathroom to piss, deciding to stop by the women's restroom to see what the hell Vivian's doing. 

She probably snuck out of the window. 

I hear the very faint but distinct sound of Vivian crying, guilt stabbing at me. 

I think I took it too far earlier when I called her those shitty things. 

I just go to the men's bathroom and splash my face with water, the buzzing of coke beginning to numb my mind, thoughts of my imploding marriage, band, and life, being locked up and discarded into a black sea of, "it can wait." 

One thing is retrieved, though, thrown a life line and brought back from the depths. 

I look at myself in the mirror, staring myself down as if saying, "don't you fucking do it." 

Once the high kicks in, I can just feel Sikki scrape me from control, locking me away momentarily. 

Next thing I know, I'm standing in the women's bathroom, Vivian still sniffling in the stall...I don't think she knows I'm in here. 

"I got you this far, you fuck." The demon snarls in my ear.

I swallow and clear my throat, making Vivian go silent. 

"Viv, what the fuck's wrong, now?" I ask and she sighs, staying quiet. 

"Nothing, Nikki." She says and I scoff, rubbing my jaw. 

"It's clearly not 'nothing' because I heard you blubbering the past ten minutes." I point out and she opens the stall, door, looking me dead in the eye before pushing past me. 

"A lot on my mind, alright?" She mumbles, going to the sink and I lean against the stall, crossing my arms. 

"Like what?" 

"I don't wanna talk about it, Nikki." She tells me, trying to wipe the smeared mascara away. 

"Well, I can't read your mind, Vivian, so if you're upset with me about something th--"

Her head hangs low, a small sob coming from her throat, tears dropping into the sink, her hands white-knuckling the side of the porcelain…

"I'm upset with you about everything." She admits to me, sorrow lacing her words. 

I haven't seen her like this since Vanity aired our dirty laundry out. 

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why didn't you act like--" she cuts herself off, and I realize she's referring to me telling her I loved her while I was in Japan. 

"Where were you, Vivian?" I ask her out of nowhere, getting defensive. 

"Where was I?" She turns to look at me, wiping her tears, rolling her jaw. "Where were you?" She snaps at me. "Where have you been the last four years?" She asks me. 

"I'm not doing this shit here." I grumble, turning to go. 

"You asked me what was wrong, Nikki, and I'm telling you what's wrong because you asked--"

"--I also asked where you've been while I've been out of town, Vivian!" I turn on my heel, snarling. 

"I've been at home, Nikki!" She yells back. "I've been here, and I've been here for six years! Thinking you'd be right here with me but you're not! That's what's wrong! I've wasted six years of my life on someone who--" 

"--You wasted six years of your life?!" I laugh out humorlessly. "How the fuck do you think I feel? How many things I've missed out on because, 'oh, nah, my wife wouldn't like that'?!" I scream. 

"Must not have been too bad because you sure as hell weren't passing up the opportunity to have a year and half long affair with Vanity!" She wretches and it takes everything in me not to tell her I know about her little thing she has going with Duff. 

"Ya know what, I felt bad for calling you an evil bitch and a cunt earlier but fuck it, you are." I reach for the door and I feel something hit at my back, her heel hitting the floor by my boots. 

I turn at glare at her, her emerald eyes lined black, thick lashes blinking slowly, lips parted slightly as she takes in a heavy breath.

I take a step to her, then another and she steps back to the sink. 

When our lips meet, I'm putting her on the sink, wasting no time to get her dress pushed up her legs. 

"Wait, wait, wait," she gasps out, nudging me away while I unbuckle my belt. 

I catch my breath as she gets off the sink and turns around, looking at me in the mirror. 

I just lift her dress and bend her over, pulling her panties to the side before--

"God, you are so high." She grumbles, pulling me from my imagination, picking her heel up and shoving past me.

Damn her. 

I follow after her back to the guys, and within another hour, once she realizes she's just going to be babysitting us--since she's not fun enough to participate in the coke, pills, and booze--she stands up.

"I'm about to head home." She tells us, and the boys groan. 

"Oh, c'mon, Viv!" Steven complains as she leans down to hug him and tell him bye. 

"I'm tired, Stevie." She states, chuckling, wrapping her arms around Slash's neck from behind him, and he pats her hand. 

"See ya," he tells her. 

"Bye." She says. "It was nice to meet you." She says to Sally, next. 

"You, too." Sally replies. 

"C'mere, c'mere, c'mere!" Robbin calls over the music and she raises a brow and stand behind him, leaning over to see what he wants. 

He just grabs her hand and puts it over his heart. 

"You feel that?" He asks her. 

"Yeah, it feels like you're about to go into cardiac arrest." She comments. 

"It's because of you." He dopily replies and she rolls her eyes and pushes at his chest, shaking her head. 

"You're a mess." She tells him and he kisses the top of her hand. 

"Goodnight, Viv, it was good to see you again." He tells her. 

"It was good to see you, too." She replies, smiling, before pulling away. "Bye, Nikki." She says to me in passing.��

"Fuck you, too!" I call after her as she heads to the stairs. 

The next time I'd see her, she'd be trying to help Sally, Duff, and Steven resuscitate me, and eventually trying to throw herself from the balcony in an attempt to not be left behind while I moved on to where ever the hell we go when we die, begging me not to leave her. I didn't, thanks to adrenaline...but even if I did die, if I had anything to do with it, I still wouldn't have left her.

[papergirllife]

To Draw A Bigger Picture

Chasing The Flames Chapter 9

When the movie finished, Jaemin was going to ask your opinion on the movie, when he noticed you had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

Just as Chenle was about to scream about something yet again, Jeno shut him up, muffling his loud voice.

" Y/N's asleep. Be quite. "

"Do you think we should wake her up? "

" It's already 11 plus. I don't think it'll be safe for her to go back home alone now, just let her sleep. " Renjun said.

Jaemin picks up Y/N, bridal style, and carries her into his and Jeno's room.

" We'll share. I'll let her sleep in my bed. " Jaemin said to Jeno.

Jeno separated their beds that were previously placed together, as Jaemin lays Y/N gently down the warm sheets.

I woke up on a warm bed with a fluffy blanket draped over me. I was clueless at where I was at, until I remembered falling asleep during the movie.

I rolled over to the other side to see Jaemin awake on his phone.

" Jaemin? "

" Y/N? You're awake? Do I need to get you anything? Water maybe? Do you want a change of more comfortable clothing? "

" Yeah, sorry. I'm so clumsy, I shouldn't have fell asleep, now I'm a burden to you. "

" It's fine, Y/N. You're not a burden, it's nice that you're sleeping over. We haven't had guests before. "

Jaemin said as he was looking for some clothes in the wardrobe.

Jaemin passes me a pair of sweats and a sweater and tells me to change in the bathroom.

When I put on the sweater I realised it was a Balenciaga sweater.

I walked out of the bathroom to see Jaemin holding up a cup of water for me, I gratefully took it and took a large sip.

" Jaemin, this is too expensive for normal people like me to wear. You should've given me something else. "

Jaemin looks at me with a comforting smile on his face.

" It's okay, Y/N. I rarely wear this anymore. It looks better on you anyways. Keep it. "

" But... "

" Uh, uh, no buts. Head to bed, or you'll be tired tomorrow. "

I climbed back into bed, secretly thankful for the good material of the clothing for keeping me warm in this chilly night.

" Jaemin? "

" Hmm? "

" Talk me to sleep. "

" What do you want to know about? "

" How did you get together with Jeno? "

The both of you were whispering, in fear of waking up Jeno who was sleeping on Jaemin's side, but I couldn't hear everything he said, so Jaemin pulled my bed closer to his.

" It wasn't a spur in the moment thing, it was more of a gradual built up of feelings, since we've known each other for a long time. We didn't really consider dating girls because of the risk, we're both bisexual. Us getting together was something that was fated to happen I guess, haha. Even though we didn't have any other choices, we never took it as a last resort. It's a blessing if you ask me, finding a sweet guy like him. He might seem aloof or shy sometimes, but he's a hopeless romantic deep inside. "

" You guys look really good together. "

" Really? Thank you. We should get some sleep. Goodnight, Y/N. "

" Goodnight. "

" You guys talked and you didn't wake me up? " Jeno shook his head in disbelief.

Jeno woke up to a scene that made him felt left out.

Y/N was cuddled into Jaemin's side, apparently the small little gap didn't do much difference.

" We should wake her up. "

Jaemin shook his head, disagreeing.

" If we do that, she'll feel embarrassed. Why don't you lie down next to me? Wait for her to wake up and act like this didn't happen. "

" She'd want that? "

" She's still confused about her feelings I think, it's best we don't push her like that, she might shy away if she wakes up to us needing to explain. She'll feel guilty. "

Jeno was grateful for Jaemin's skillful way of reading people's emotions, and laid back down the bed, an arm slinging over Jaemin's waist.

" I'd like to wake up to this again. "

" Me too, Jeno. We'll just have to wait and treat her better. "

When I woke up, I could smell a nice cotton scent, in my sleepy state, I nuzzled my nose to the source of the scent, but instead of a blanket or pillow, my nose hit something hard.

' Wait. Where am I again? '

' Dream's dorms, right. I'm sleeping on the couch? No, I remember Jaemin moved me to the bed. Wait, that's it. Jaemin's sleeping beside me. Oh shit. '

I slowly opened my eyes to see Jaemin sleeping peacefully right next to me.

I gently untangled my arms from his embrace and backed further away from him.

When I was at a safe distance from Jaemin and Jeno, I quickly got off the bed into the connected bathroom to splash some water on my face to stop it from heating up.

After checking my appearance in the mirror, I padded out of the bathroom back into their room.

The both of them were awake now, looking at their phones.

" Sorry. Did I wake you guys up? "

" Nah, we just got hungry. We have a new toothbrush in the cupboard under the sink, use it. "

" Thank you. "

When you finished washing up, you walked to the kitchen to see Renjun cooking.

" What's for breakfast? "

" Egg sandwich. "

" This looks good. Smells good too. "

" Wait till you try it, Y/N. It's the best. "

" Yes, coming from our demanding food critic, Park Jisung. "

" I got the recipe from Birds of Prey. "

" Wow, no wonder it looks and smells so good. I love bacon. "

Suddenly I felt a hand placed on shoulder, I turned my head back to see Jeno smiling at me.

" Morning. "

" Morning, you look nice, with the glasses. "

" Really? I didn't like the way I looked with them. "

" Don't worry, your fans like them. "

" Why are you so sure? "

" According to your fan accounts. "

" You've been keeping tabs on me with fan accounts? "

' Shit. I can't let him know that I'm following his fan accounts. '

" N-no. I just so happened to have read that from somewhere. "

Jeno had a knowing smile on his face, but he didn't seem annoyed that you were low key fangirling over him.

" Just text or call me if you want to know what I'm up to. "

He then grabbed an egg sandwich and sat down on the dining table.

I could feel the tension between the both of us. Or was it my own imagination?

It's probably my own assumptions in my early morning hazy mind.

" Y/N, take one. Be careful, it might still be hot. "

" Thanks, Renjun. "

I took a bite into my sandwich, the bacon had just the right crunch and the eggs and cheese were as soft as clouds.

" It's perfect, Renjun. "

" Glad you like it. "

I moved to the dining table to finish up the sandwich. When I sat down, with my mouth full of sandwich, Jeno took a photo of me out of the blue.

" Jeno! I look like shit in the morning. Why did you take a photo of me? "

" You don't look like shit. You look adorable, with your cheeks full of food. "

" Oh god... Here's comes the first cursed photo of me within 2 months of knowing you guys. "

" You haven't even looked at Jaemin's. Let me show you. "

" Yah. Stop right there, Lee Jeno. Don't ruin my reputation of being the cutest in NCT Dream. "

Jaemin said as he sat down to have breakfast.

Jeno did a puking face at him and continued eating his breakfast.

Not long after, we sat down to play Jenga in the living room.

Donghyuck was cursing at the blocks when they fell in his hands while Jeno kept winning.

When it was around noon, you packed up and papered to leave.

" I'll leave the extra groceries here for the next time you cook, maybe I'll pop in soon. "

" You better, Y/N. Before Chenle and Jisung eat everything. "

" Yah, Renjun hyung! "

As I stepped out of their dorms, I heard footsteps following me out. I looked back to see Jeno and Jaemin smiling at me.

" We're walking you to the bus station. "

" It's fine, Jaemin. It's still early, I'll be safe. Plus I don't want fans to spot us and get the wrong idea. "

" Okay, but give us a call when you're home. "

Jaemin was about to reject my idea, but Jeno beat him to it.

" Will do. "

" Bye, Jeno, Jaemin. "

" Bye, Y/N. "

I walked to the bus station reluctantly, not wanting to leave them.

" So, do the both of you consider today a success? "

" Chenle ah, you're too young to ask these things. "

" But Jeno hyung, I'm 20. I'm an adult. "

" Lele ah, you'll always be a baby in our eyes. But Jeno I think it's fine to tell him anything that's PG13. "

" I'll buy you coffee afterwards, Jaemin hyung. "

" Okay, fine. To answer your question, yes. I think today was a success. "

" Do you think she likes you guys? I think she does. "

" How are you so sure, Chenle ah? "

" Just a gut feeling. Plus, she looks at you and Jaemin differently from how she looks at us. Focus on the eyes, hyung. "

" The way you said that would've made any girl running for the hills, Lele. "

The next day I went into the office, I was greeted by Mr Kang beckoning me into a meeting.

" What's this meeting for? "

" Dream's comeback. From the looks of it based on what the marketing team has been working on, it's going to be one of the best projects we're going to be working on this year. "

After the meeting, it has been concluded that Mr Kang and I are going to be a part of the photoshoot, the stages and the music video, it's going to be my first time working with video making, making me giddy inside.

I immediately went to Dream's recording room to tell them about the good news.

As I walked in, Jeno was in the studio, recording his lines. He looked really serious and professional, just like when he modelled for you.

Butterflies erupted in my stomach as I thought of that day in their dorms, the way the three of us were cooking just gave me so much domestic feels towards them.

I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard someone call my name.

" Hey,Renjun. How's the recording going? "

" It's great. The concept is cool and we're getting both singing and rapping parts in the album. "

" Wow, that's going to sound fresh. Chenle must be really happy about getting a chance to rap. "

" Yeah, he's nervous though, he's been practicing for a long time now. " Renjun said as he points towards a rarely quite Chenle sitting on the couch, practicing his lines.

" Oh, I won't disturb him then. How about Jaemin? "

" He went out to buy coffee, Jisung and Hyuck tagged along. "

" And this is his? "

" Second for the day. "

" That boy seriously has an unhealthy obsession. "

" For now there's three things he's obsessed with, coffee, sugar, and Jeno. "

" Not a balanced meal if you ask me. "

" He never listens. It's great of you to drop by. Who are you looking for? "

" Oh, right. I just got the news that I'm going to be involved in your comeback for both photoshoot and mv. "

" Really? That's great. "

" The pay is great too. I'll take you guys out for lunch after your first win. "

" I'll hold onto that. It's lunch time now. We're ordering take out, want some? "

" Sure. "

Suddenly the door burst open, and Jaemin comes storming in with open arms and one of the brightest smiles I had ever seen, enveloping me into a hug.

" Aww, Y/N came to visit us. We missed you lots. "

" I missed you guys too, but if you don't let me go I'm going to die from lack of oxygen, Nana. "

Jaemin let's you go and opted to put his head on your shoulder, sipping his coffee.

" What did I say about too much coffee, Jaem? "

" Last one for today, I promise. "

He suddenly shoots up from his spot and goes over to the plastic bag.

" This is for you, hot cocoa. But you're sharing half of it to Chenle. "

" But...

" No buts. I won't be able to sleep tonight if your lactose intolerant acts up. "

He says as he pours you your portion of the drink.

" How did you know I was here? "

" I texted him. "

" How was your day, Y/N? "

" I just finished a meeting with the marketplace department and they decided that Mr Kang and I are going to be heavily involved in your comeback. "

" Really? "

" Yup. "

" That's great. I hope we're doing field trips for photos again. "

The way Jaemin looked at me like he has stars in his eyes was a sight to behold, but that's normal, for his natural flirty behaviour, I pushed those feelings deep down. I can't fall for Jeno and Jaemin, that's wrong, they're together.

I drank my hot cocoa in silence, a small frown tugging at the corner of my lips.

" Take out's here. I'll go collect it. "

" Y/N? "

" Jeno. Was recording smooth? "

" Yeah. Better than what I had expected. "

" Lee Jeno always has high standards. He's been cooped up in there for too long. "

" I just wanted to try different styles. I'm really hungry though, is the food coming soon? "

" Yeah. Renjun just went out to collect it. "

" Don't be too hard on yourself, Jeno. You need rest too. "

" I will. Don't worry. "

Jeno reached a hand up to pat my head as he sits on the couch opposite from me, his eye smile evident.

I really hope I'm not blushing now, it'll be too embarrassing to show up in front of them ever again if I did.

When Renjun came back with the food, I quickly placed down the money for the food and made up an excuse about a non existing meeting that needs me there in 20 minutes.

I grabbed the lunch box and left all of them after bidding hasty goodbyes.

When I reached my desk in the office, I was relieved to have got myself out of this mess that I put myself into, slumping into the office chair with a squeak.

' When will I ever get over with my schoolgirl crush towards them? '

[pixie88]

Bad Decision

Chapter 4 - Our Little Secret.

A/N: Queen B fanfiction. I’m currently editing and adding all  my FF to my new account. All being added to my pinned masterlist on my profile. Let me know if you would like to be tagged! 

Find previous chapters HERE under Queen B - Our Little Secret.

Word count: 1757

WARNINGS: ⚠️ Some adult language & Angst

Disclaimer: Characters are property of Pixelberry.

Pairings: Ian x MC - Lyla.

Enjoy!

"Lillian, I can explain" Ian tells her "How can any explanation make the fact you are sleeping with a student make this right? Ian, this is wrong on so many levels! Do you not care about your career?" she asks him.

I close the door, Ian turns to me for help "Lillian, I understand this looks bad but I promise this isn't how it started. When we first met I had no idea he was my professor nor did he know I was his student" "So when you did find out why didn't you stop it Ian?" Lillian asks him.

"Lillian, I tried, but the more I denied myself the more I wanted. I love Lyla, I'm even moving to a different university, so I can be with her without any repercussions" " So, you tried? It doesn't look like you tried very hard Ian! What do you two fuck between classes? I bet Lyla is an A class student in your class she has to be considering she's fucking her professor. Ian, how can you be so reckless?" Ian face turns to annoyance.

Lillian, Stop! I will not have you talk about or to Lyla like that! Yes, I have been reckless, but that is from my own doing!" Lillian face soften "Ian, I'm sorry! I just don't want this to blow up in your face and end your career you worked so hard for" (Lillian is right, I can't let Ian risk his career for me. At least not while he's still working here).

"Ian, your sister is right, maybe we should cool it until you start your new job. I can't risk you losing everything for me. So, I think it is best that you find a new TA for the rest of your time here. I'll see you in class." I put the graded essays on the small coffee table.

I go to leave the room, but I feel an arm on my shoulder "Lyla, No! Don't do this!" I turn to face him, his eyes are sad "Ian, I don't want to, but we have to," I see Lillian giving me an agreeing nod to the side of Ian.

"We can still carry on in secret, no one will know" his eye pleading with me (I have to tell him about Poppy) "Someone found out!" I tell him, and he pulls away "You're lying! You're just saying that, so I agree to take a break." "Ian, I wish I was, but I'm not. Poppy found out about us she had photo's of us. She was going to use them to blackmail me, but I managed to delete every copy she had and burn the paper ones. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want you to be a part of my mess" he gives me those puppy dog eyes I can't resist.

"Lyla, You should have told me. We could've dealt with that together" I smile "As much as I love you being my knight in shining armour, this was my mess" "No Lyla, It was our mess. You should've told me." he cups my face.

"I know, but so we don't have this problem again, I think we cool it just until you no longer my professor!" he lets go of my face, turns away from me and takes a seat behind his desk.

"Ian, I know it must be hard, but it makes sense and it's only for a few weeks. I think what Lyla is doing is very noble" she smiles at me.

"If that's all Lyla you may go. I'll get a new TA sorted from tomorrow." he doesn't look at me. I leave his office deflated. (Get a grip 8 weeks aren't that long).

2 Weeks later, I have only seen Ian in class I avoid being the first one there so it isn't awkward or at least any more awkward than Ian has made it. Ian avoids my eyes in every lesson and ignores me around campus. He got a new TA 2 days after I told him to get a new one.

I'm not sure Tony seems up to the job as Ian stressed when ever he's around. Ian's class has ended and I'm getting my stuff together to leave when I hear "Ian! It's so good to see you again" I look up to see Lexi approaching Ian's desk at the front of the class.

I hear his husky tone as I make my way to the end of the aisle to leave the classroom "Lexi, you're early" I reach the door when I hear her reply, "Oh, I thought maybe we could have a few drinks before Richard and Annie arrive" (Argh I need a drink and also a bath tub to drown Lexi in).

I send a quick text to Zoe asking if she was free tonight, but she has a lot of studying to catch up on so would probably spend the night in the library.

(Looks like your on your own tonight Lyla).

After I head home to change I found myself outside The Base Lounge a new club that opened last week. I make my way inside and take a seat at the bar and order a passion fruit martini.

After I don't know how many martinis I pull out my phone. I want to text Ian but I shouldn't, but I go against my better judgement.

[Hi Ian, I hope yuo are having a dreadful time on your date with Lexi!]

[You* Whoops]

PING (5 Minutes later)

[Lyla, I am not on a date with Lexi. We are just having dinner with a few colleagues.]

I laugh nearly falling off the bar stool.

[I bet that's not how she sees it. Now you're free for the making.]

[making*]

[Wait that's still not right taking*]

PING (3 Minutes later)

[Lyla, No one is going to take me. You said it was for the best!]

[That was sober Lyla's idea. She's stupid!! I dom't like her!]

[Don't*]

PING (2 Minutes later)

[Lyla, Are you drunk?]

[Well duh! Come on progessor you have a degree. I thought that was obvious!]

PING (1 Minute later)

[Maybe you should get your friends to take you home to sober up!]

[Professor*]

[ Haha, I would but Zoey was busy]

PING (50 seconds later)

[You're by yourself??]

[You know for a professor you are pretty dumb. Of courses I'm by myself if Zoey isn't here. I'm going to walk home after I have been for a pee. Do you know this place has shared toilets! I know it's new but that's just weird right?]

[Course*]

PING (30 Seconds later)

[LYLA, DO NOT WALK HOME! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! JUST STAY THERE!!]

[No need to shout. Well text shout haha. No I'm fine. I can walk. I'll see you in class tomorrow]

I hear my phone continuously ping and ring, but I ignore it and I make my way out of the club. I start walking in the direction I think my dorm is in.

(I feel like I've been walking forever, everything is spinning, Oh no I'm going to...) I run over to the nearest bin and puke. Once I've stopped I clean myself open with a tissue I have in my bag. (Not my classiest moment) "Are you ok?" I look up to find some guy with long black hair staring at me.

(Oh my god, I have hair envy) "Wow, I love your hair!" He smiles "Thanks, but are you ok?" "Yes, I am fine frank you, I mean thank you" "Are you on your way home?" I look at him confused.

(Oh god, he's one of these weirdos that bury young girls under his driveway) "STRANGER DANGER!" I scream at the top of my lungs as I move away from Mr. Perfect Hair. "Stay away from me" he seems shocked "No! Look, I was just checking you were ok. I did mean to scare you" I still back away from him.

"Keep away from me," I shout at him again. I hear a car pull up, the headlights light us up I turn I can't see who it is but because the light is blinding me but I soon recognize the voice.

"Lyla, there you are" Ian comes into view "I've been looking everywhere for you!" he turns to Mr. Perfect Hair "Can I help you?" Ian asks him. "I was just checking she was ok when I saw her throwing up in the bin over there then the mad cow started screaming stranger danger. She's fucking nuts mate." (Everything after that happened in slow motion) Ian squares Mr. Perfect Hair straight in the jaw.

He runs off and Ian takes my hand and leads me to his car.

He gets into the driver's seat, he seems angry "Are you ok Ian?" his jaw tenses "Ian, I said are yo..." "I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID, LYLA!" he shouts, "Excuse you!" "I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout, but you have no idea how worried I was about you!" "Ian, I'm ok!" "You might not have been! Why would you put yourself in danger like that?" "I wanted a drink and no one was free, Plus I was jealous!" I turn away from him.

"Jealous?" he asks I roll my eye "Yes, jealous of Lexi being able to be seen out in public with you and just in your company," he looks over to me with soft eyes "Lyla, This was your idea. I was happy to keep seeing you in secret, but you decided it was best." "Now I don't think it's best. Ian, I miss you," he quickly looks over to me with a smile before returning his eyes to the road.

"I have to admit I've missed you terribly, but you need to figure out what you want!" "Ian, it's you! I want you. I can't wait 6 more weeks, it's killing me now" I see him smirk.

He takes my hand and pulls it to his lips before placing a small kiss against my knuckles "I want you to, Lyla. But if we are going to do this we need to be careful, very careful! No one can know!" "Of course!" "Not even Lillian!" "Ok, but if we are trying to be careful for the next 6 weeks I don't think you should be seen dropping me at my dorm" "Where shall I drop you home?" I grin.

"At your place Professor!" I wink.

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 5.

[yetanotherreader]

Useful—2

Genre: College AU

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N Y/L/N, slight Dean x Lisa

Summary: The school's most popular boy wants to be friends with Y/N, out of the blue. It definitely doesn't have anything to do with her hot best friend, though.

Word Count (for the chapter): 2,667

Warnings (for the chapter): Seeing something not so kid-friendly, double meaning jokes, panic attacks, fluff?

_____

Useful Masterlist

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

You let Lisa guide you through the crazy crowd of the party, as you kept your nose scrunched up at the strong smell of alcohol, sweat and what you could think was some kind of drugs. Once in the kitchen, Lisa asked you if she could go meet with her friends. When you said it was no problem, she left you to have some fun as she went to have hers. You rolled your eyes at her before she made her way to the crowd again. "Bitch," you yelled playfully at her, as she showed you her middle finger which erupted a laugh from you, "Don't die of alcohol tonight!" Damn you loved her. As much as she got on your nerves, you were fond of her like your own sister. You were not one for friends, past experiences and your own self esteem stopped you from that. Friendship had always been important to you, and maybe that's why you were deprived of it, but she treated you better than so many others. She was important to you, just like your own family. Like your own sister.

You made your way to the fridge, hoping to find something light so that you could drive Lisa and yourself back to the dorm when she was wasted. When you found nothing of the taste, you settled for just water, muttering under your breath how stupid it was of Lisa to bring you to a party where you could have nothing but the water you could have very much had at home watching a conjuring movie.

Of course, you had to see it. You were in a hell house full of fuckboys, of course you had to see that. You rushed back to the kitchen in not more than two minutes thoroughly embarrassed, after seeing Ketch's mouth in a junior's pu—between her legs. You had finally found yourself a silent corner just to end up seeing the worst there. And hearing too.

"For the love of- what's so hard in finding a room?" You muttered to yourself as you made a puke-face trying to shake the image out of your head. Hearing a familiar deep chuckle behind yourself, you turned to see Dean sitting on the counter with a beer in his hand, one leg outstretched and his elbow resting on the other one holding the bottle casually. He wore a black button up with the top buttons undone and a blue pair of jeans, and yet again you found yourself trying to not gawk. How could he look so good with such simple clothing?

"Well, I'd like to know what got that reaction out of you?" He smirked suggestively, clearly enjoying your flustered state with both what you saw earlier and what he caught you doing.

"Nothing more than what people should limit to their bedrooms. Advice for future, Jade Boy, always choose to get a room before mouth fuckin' someone. Makes it easier for the people around." You said nonchalantly, making your way to throw your bottle in the bin, suddenly hating the idea of anything near your mouth. Not that it was anything to do with hiding your embarrassment from the holy choice of words you just used.

You heard a full boyish laugh this time, drawing one smile at your face too. You swiped the curve off your lips, as you turned around to face the counter again, only to find him already making his way over to you with a smirk, "Which makes me think, do you enjoy it?" As if in a fraction of a second, your heart chose to run miles a minute, you felt your cheeks heat up at the almost-no-distance between you two. You just hoped the dim light didn't allow his eyes to figure out the tints your cheeks were blazing with.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Winchester?" You tried sounding confident and for this one lucky time, your voice didn't betray you. His brows rose up in surprise, certainly not expecting this reply from you which just made you a couple times more confident at the moment. Bringing your index finger to his chest, you pushed him a little making some space between the two of you, as you walked past a very shocked Dean.

Stepping out in the air, the first thing you did was release the breath you were holding.

"Oh. My. God." You low-key exclaimed to yourself quietly, "Oh. My. Frickin. Gawd." Wasn't acting confident around a guy like him and leaving him speechless on the top of that just the ultimate task? You deserved some cake for that, and you were going to treat yourself in the morning. Yes. That was exactly what you were going to do.

You made your way over to Lisa's car, settling on the hood of it, deciding to finish the fanfiction you were currently reading while you wait for your tanned friend. It was a long evening, even for a Friday night. At least for you it was.

A good minute passed and Dean still stood frozen trying to make out what just happened. Y/N had sassed him earlier that day and even through the years she always had too, but this one was definitely something he wasn't expecting. "Wow.." he whispered to himself, shaking his head, regaining his composure, "You got some, there, Y/L/N."

Making his way back to the hall, he wasn't met with the most pleasant sight. He had hoped for her to show up but one thing he definitely didn't want to see was her heated make out session with—was that Michael? What the- He knew it was a drunken hook up, but he couldn't help the roll of his eyes as his crush and his biggest rival ate each other's faces in front of him, clearly indicating further. He definitely didn't want to witness that horror now, did he? Michael knew about his silly little crush on the girl, so it was obviously on purpose. Therefore, another thing Dean didn't want that night was Michael knowing that Dean saw what he saw. Groaning to himself, Dean made his way out of the apartment. Ah, how he wished his buddies were there. He really missed Jo and Cas tonight. Dean was a popular guy, no denying but the only two people he trusted apart from his brother were those two. But like, who did that? Who threw a party and ran off halfway through with her best friend? He was very glad that Jo had finally asked Cas out when that assbutt couldn't grow the balls to do it, but now he had started feeling really left out. He felt not himself a lot lately, either. It was starting to get back like those times, like his childhood and that was the last thing he wanted for himself. He didn't want to go back into that shell again. He didn't want to become that again, it scared him to no ends. He had started to feel like before, lonely and ...lost.

"Whoa, snap out of it, bud." A hand grabbed his pulling him out of his trance. He realized he was just about to walk into a pole, "You okay?" His wide eyes stared back into Y/N's stoic yet concerned eyes.

"Uh..yeah, absolutely." He chuckled at her nervously, "I'm fine." He did it again. He overthought his situation, again, let his mind drive to the things he shouldn't have. He couldn't do it, he couldn't let himself fall weak to loneliness. He was strong, he had to be strong. He had always been for Sammy, for dad. He didn't even realize when his hands started trembling, followed by his whole body. Beads of sweat started forming on his forehead even in the rather chilly night, as his vision started getting distant.

His shivering hands initially made you think it was just the weather, so you didn't give much thought to it. He wasn't wearing his jacket that night, it had to be the weather but what you saw next made you widen your eyes. Hadn't you be that close, you wouldn't even have made out the subtle yet quick tremble of his body, "Dean!" You almost yelled out his name but he didn't respond. His eyes were distance, as he struggled to breathe. He was having a panic attack, you figured. Quickly you tiptoed wrapping your hands around his neck, instead of the abdomen, as you tried to make your tiny frame engulf his much larger one as much as possible, "You're okay, you're fine." You kept whispering comforting words in his ears, as you kept your hold firm around his stiff shaking body, rubbing your palm up and down his neck, "Dean, can you hear me? Try to breathe for me, please? Hey...Dea-"

"C-can't" His breathless voice was barely audible as you brought your other hand to rub his back.

"Yes, you can. Just try to breathe and count with me, okay?"

"'Kay"

"One" You continued your comforting movements along his back and neck.

"O-wuh" He tried to inhale, but failed.

"Good, two"

"T-tooh" He was starting to scare you, but you decided to keep calm. It wasn't easy to handle a panic attack, he was doing good.

"You're doing great Dean. Now, three"

"Th-three"

"Four"

"F-our"

"Five"

"Five"

"Great, Dean. Si-" you stopped mid speech as you felt his arms wrap around your waist, tight, and his face hiding in the crook of your neck. You felt his body relax but didn't stop your little efforts of stroking his back as you let yourself play with the end of his hair, soothingly making patterns on his neck. You felt him inhale and you stiffened for just a second but seemingly he caught on it as he imitated the action. He was just about to pull away when you resumed your actions from earlier, and he let himself relax again, "Are you okay?"

He didn't respond, instead just tightened his hold around you. To someone else, this action might have looked very suggestive but you knew better. You could understand his current situation better than anyone else. He needed it, and he deserved it.

"You're going to be okay." You said, as you stand on your feet again, his posture bending so that he didn't need to pull away. You felt a sigh from him in your neck, as his lips grazed the skin there. You tried your hardest but couldn't help the shiver that ran down your spine.

"Thank you," he whispered loosening his hold on your waist and pulling away almost reluctantly, leaving you to immediately miss his warmth in the chilly night, "I- I- Y/N- can expla-"

"You wanna take a walk for a little bit? Might need it now."

"Are you- are you coming too?" He looked at you through his lashes, looking heartbreakingly adorable.

"Yeah" You whispered, smiling up at him. He gave you a grateful smile in return.

"I know a park we can go to." He smiled shyly at her. God, there he again made a joke out of himself. What was that even? He fell into an attack in front of Y/N? She already thought all the bad things of him, and now she'd think that he was a loser too. How great could his evening go?

"Don't." He looked in her direction as she stared ahead of her.

"What?"

"Don't think what you're thinking, Winchester. It was okay, totally fine. Let's try not going into another one, though."

"I-" he sighed as she walked a step ahead of him, "thanks."

"Oh well, someone's saying thanks." She sassed him, again, but with a gentle and careful voice as she kicked a pebble. If he wasn't mistaking, it even had a hint of playfulness in it. 

"Thanks for helping me in there," he vaguely gestured to the building, "you didn't have to see that." He looked down but he felt her gaze on him, finally.

She didn't reply, as he regretted everything again. A few moments of silence passed, as they just walked in peace. In peace. Even though he was very embarrassed, he felt a sense of calm at the moment.

"You wanna talk about it?" She spoke after a while, and getting no response from him, she quickly changed the subject, "Okay, alright. Let's go back to the cars. It's freezing out here. At least the buildings blocked some wind."

They lied on the hood of the Impala, just silently gazing at the stars. It was a long night for the both of them. Dean was very hesitant to let her sit on baby, but again, after what she did for him, it would be the least he could have done. In fact, he could sense the awkwardness seeping through her too, but eventually she relaxed. He had never seen her like that, so gentle. Sure, he didn't doubt she cared about the people she loved a lot. He had seen her with Lisa, noticed how she cared about her even though she didn't show it. That was the kind of care he wanted, from someone, anyone. Someone who would care about him without making a big deal out of it, someone who would spoil him or tell him he wasn't that bad after all. And maybe that's why he wanted to be friends with her in the first place. Of course he's going to deny it first thing in the morning, but he let himself admit for just tonight that all he wanted was the care from her, not Lisa.

"Dean," She once again, successfully broke his trail of thoughts and he mentally thanked her for that. He didn't want another embarrassment tonight.

"Hmm?"

"You don't have to feel bad, okay? It was- I meant it when I said it was fine. You didn't embarrass yourself at all."

He was speechless for instance, but quickly composed himself, "thanks"

"Too many thanks for a night, Winchester." He heartily chucked at that. God, Y/L/N, she was something else.

Another few moments of comfortable silence were broken by Y/N's phone pinging. She checked the text message and groaned.

"Things okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Nothing" He saw her open the Uber app on her phone, and frowned.

"You can just ask me for a ride, Y/L/N, I don't bite."

She raised her eyebrows, skeptically, "You'll give?"

He smirked, "Whatever you ask for."

"You're gross," she rolled her eyes as she laughed at his joke, probably for the first time, "You think you can drive? I can ride you to your place if you want.

He threw a mischievous glance at her side, as it took her a moment or two to register what she just said, "DRIVE. I can drive you to your place if you want."

It was his turn to laugh this time, "Y/L/N, don't think you'll get to take advantage of one of my weak moments and drive baby." He opened the door of the Impala and sat himself in the driver's seat.

"Baby?" She chuckled as she settled herself on the shotgun, "You named your car? That too, baby?"

"Yeah so?" He looked offended as he side glanced at her, "Don't mind the nerd, baby, she doesn't understand us." This was your cue to just burst out laughing, and damn was that a sound. It was the first time ever he heard you laugh and it was... mesmerizing to say the least.

"Shut up" He grumbled as he started the car, the familiar purr making his heart relax.

"Oh my," she said in awe of the sound, "Sexy babe." She let out as she ran her hand over the dashboard, leaving him smirking with pride.

Chapter 3

___________

A/N: Ah! There's the second part. Okay I wrote it when I was sick with a cold and a fever(I still am), and it was 3 in the morning. Pardon any mistakes. 

Tags: @bi-danvers0 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @itsjaybro16 @mml232 @blablatiti @stilltoomuchafangirl @bat-shark-repellant @bluebell-24 @shortwinchester @always-money-in-the-banana-stand @a-girl-who-loves-disney

[spnsmile]

15x11 (The Gamblers) "I gotta call Cas...✨

Coda💔

Dean didn't know what’s worse—seeing Sam get slowly defeated in a game of winner takes all, or find himself on the sideline being unable to do anything to help his brother.

So brooding and silent,  he watched as the game folds in and out of their favor. 

The length of the game makes him want to puke. Make his heart drum nervously every time Sam makes a miss. 

Cas.

He tried calling Cas earlier only to get a voicemail. Didn't help his nerves. He wants to call Cas again now that the main antagonist happened to be another immortal goddess who's out to get their limbs in pieces.

If Cas were here... He'd feel a lot safer. 

Sam misses. Dean hisses and tries not to look away. Sam needs his support. The game goes on. It's now when his heart won’t stop its erratic beats preparing for the worse. All he can do nows is silently pray to the angel to guide his brother.

Pure longing smacks Dean in the face. 

Then Sam wins.

Dean shakes his fist in the air, nearly solemnly praying to Castiel to listen out of happiness. 

Then the bait comes—

“Another game, double or nothing.” She offers. Dean grunts. Of course, she would. She knows how bad Sam wants to save everyone else. Dean actually knows Sam would ask for another game anyway. His brother is too stubborn to let these people die. So when Sam says, “Yeah, deal,” Dean could only look away, trepidation in his chest. 

Luck once.  Risk it twice. 

Call Cas.

The urge to call Cas wraps in Dean's mind that his hand slips at the back of his pocket where he keeps his phone.

Sam plays,  but instinct told Dean only a miracle would help them. Deep inside he knows they would lose. That fighting gods and goddesses were like buying nukes and putting them in his pockets.

He wants to tell Cas what’s going on, wants to get him speeding here right now, the game is serious and for all Dean knows, they could actually be trapped here while the gingerbread goddess drains them of their lives.It didn’t last long and the shoe drops. Dean closes his eyes and shakea his head in defeat.

Too bad…. too bad.

“You challenged the Goddess of Luck in her own joint, what did you think was gonna happen?”

Dean leaves Sam talking to Evie on the counter. Told them he needed to have a moment to himself.He found a private corner by the fireside, away from everyone else, where no one can hear him.

It takes a moment of silence. A lot of inhales and ragged breathing. Then he bows his head,  swallowing the bitter pill with expression still hard.

He opts to pray to Castiel, but then, all things considered, Cas might just blast the door, come here, play his luck (which is no better than Dean's) and may even end up trapped here as well. 

Chances are high of Cas making another deal-breaker like with Billie.

Dean can’t have that. He licks his dried lips and look down his hands, the lump in the middle of his throat not disappearing.

Then it dawns on him. 

It’s a dead end.

What then?  Die like they don't exist?  Would Chuck bring them back? Toy with them again or maybe he'll keep them buried deep enough?

Frankly, Dean didn’t wanna. Won’t give Chuck the satisfaction of owing him anything. They’ve called it quits.

Dean takes his phone out, sighing heavily as he dials Cas’ number.

It doesn’t surprise him when all he got is a voicemail again. He stares at his phone dumbly, wondering why he couldn’t get anything else in his mind  like he’s a tower with no hope for reception, lost amidst the woods, searching for a way out.

Then it hits him. He won’t be able to say goodbye . Won't be able to see Cas again. 

The thought somewhat scared Dean. It didn't make sense.  Dying amd separation had been his and Cas' symphony ever since they met each other.  

What makes separation now any different? 

Hands shaking a little, Dean grips the phone tight and dials again. He doesn’t know how to talk to Cas, honestly doesn’t know what to say. 

He gotta reach Cas.

Tell him how he’d been stupid enough to let Sam play against the Goddess of Luck that ultimately led to their death. 

Listen to Cas call him stupid again and again, no matter how many times…. Because that’s just it, they don’t have time .

Dean knows Cas would do anything for them. He wants to let Cas, but at the same time no. This is Lady Luck. He won’t take that chance again, he won't let Cas pay for this prize. 

The voice mail sounds. 

“Hey… Cas.” he begins, his voice unexpectedly calm. “Listen uh, I know you’re busy… probably still in heaven… but I, I just gotta tell you we uh… we…” he inhales, profound grief growing in his chest, guilt clawing his insides, “Uh… you uh… remember what we used to say we gotta do stuff with…our lives on the line? Well… me and Sam just pulled out another Kirk Douglas thing… Remember Lonely are the Brave ?” 

Dean hesitates, Castiel’s face of pure confusion making him smile a little when he hears this.

“Uh…okay,  bad news pal...  But you gotta promise me you’ll listen carefully to me, okay? Before you do anything... don’t go Han Solo on me and just… just listen, Cas…”

Palpable silence. 

“We’re gonna die, Cas.” he croaks. 

A beat of silence. 

Dean turns and clears his throat. He hides his eyes on his left palm, glad that shadows kept him from prying eyes.

Just too much nerves for a day.  Too much to think about.  Too much to say and relay to his best friend. 

Too much to say goodbye. Saying goodbye to Cas... Leaving Cas alone,  Dean blinks upwards before everything hits him in the core. 

How Cas will be alone. 

“Sorry to leave you hanging, Cas,” he chuckles, trying his best to sound everything’s okay meanwhile his insides burning guiltily, “Shouldn't have risked so much in a game. I’m still processing... But uh...  We gambled and the stakes, you know we don't do things halfway so...   you can imagine. Yeah, it’s bad. Things went sideways… really bad, and we…” he swallows hard, “We lost. Lives for a coin,  winner takes all."

He wants to tell Cas he’s okay, wants to assure his friend things are good.

But there’s too much lie there and Castiel would only be hurt further.

"Cas, we're good.  Sam's fine.  I'm fine for now.  But I'm more worried about you that's why I called...  Wanted to make sure there's even closure here...  coz I don't really think we'll see each other again." he smiles a little,  "You know all those times Sam and I died?  Always thought luck was on our side. This time we got unlucky, and Chuck's not really on board of the whole...  Snap fingers,  you live thing.  It's done.  I think this time it's gonna kick...  And i better do my bit here propeely coz...  Coz I'm really gonna miss you, Cas. And... fuck,  I'm worried for you."

He thinks of Cas receiving this, thinks of his best friend’s grieving expression, the same face he’s seen at lost when Jack died. 

Dean suddenly lets out a tiny whimper. He remembers Jack.  Remembers how Cas already suffered losing a loved one. Losing the Winchesters would destroy him.

Dean opens his eyes again. He can’t have that. Can’t have Cas broken again. 

Dean knows how painful it is to be left behind. Oh damn,  he wants to see Cas... 

“Cas, no matter what happens, you promise me you will live, okay? That you won’t do anything to endanger your life. I don’t want you to do anything about this.  I think this is in one of Billie's black notes. Me and Sam dying together averta any chances of Chick winning. So we will be gone, but you… you gotta live. Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe Chuck will leave this world alone now that we’re finally gone. Make him move on to other universes to entertain himself. Maybe you get to live a peaceful life now, Cas…”

At least he won’t have nightmares about Cas dying anymore. Stop all the heartbreaks. 

The pain is real.  The remorse is real.  But above all, regret for not being able to stay with the angel a little bit longer.

There's a gap in his heart that will never be filled.  An empty space only for the angel. 

 “Cas, please… you… you gotta promise me you will move on. That’s what you do, right? Move on. Go find another charge, go save another life… Me and Sam are gonna be with mum and dad so… move on, Cas… and help as many people as you can. Go have a new start, buddy. Forget us… forget about how we messed up. You gotta live for the world…so move on… forget us. Save more lives…”

How stupid, Dean.

Dean shuts his eyes, the familiar voice in his head sending fire all over his being. He tries to brace himself once more,  brings his cold hands to hos face and sighs deeply.

It ain't about him.

“It’s just too bad I can’t see you again. Sorry to drop the world on your shoulder, man… I want you to be happy, Cas… I want you to deserve living a happy life… I…”

He thinks of Castiel only. A world where Cas can do miracles and make people happy. Just like how he’s been with Dean. How he changed Dean’s life forever.

This time he's giving Cas to the world.  

He bows his head, tears streaming down incessantly. There's not enough words to say it to Cas. Not enough time to make anything out of it so Dean chokes silently on his palms and gives a muffled—

 “I’m gonna miss you, Cas… thank you for being my angel. Thank you for not leaving my side when everyone else did.  You put up with me… and I was… I was a mean jerk who didn’t deserve you. Cas, I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if I didn’t meet you. Maybe just another hunter out for blood with no life to give.  Maybe just another brother to Sam constantly failing to understand… maybe, just maybe, just another fucked up human with nothing. I got nothing Cas, before you found me. So I gotta thank you for that. And I’m sorry for everything I cost you. Your family,  your wings, your grace… Thank you for being there even when I was being mean to you, or push you away. You gave yourself to me, Cas... You were mine from the start… and you know I’m yours too… I…"  

I love you….

Dean shuts his eyes.  He cannot be that selfish now. 

“Cas I…”

I love you… 

Dean chokes.  They never got what they deserved. 

“Thank you.”

Tears streaming down his eyes,  Dean shakes his head. 

“ Goodbye, Cas.”

He pulls the phone down and curls his knees up to his chest and hisses and gulps back at his heavy heart.

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Keep reading (6k 👀)

Oh the purgatory prayer can't be the only one ✨🥺 trimmed down, still long, aye 🥺

[createdbyinvisibles]

The Chronicles of a bookworm ninja

Word count:  2829

An episodic series of chapters telling the odd tale of Rin Kikumoto, the last political book carrier and her misadventures in becoming a ninja.

If you’re curious about what the Kikumoto clan is exactly then this bio here should explain everything.

    Rin Kikumoto lived an utterly peculiar existence, she was the type of person to spontaneously do things for the sake of quick and short excitement. As well as the kind of person to just always be around asking questions, a kid, nine years old to be exact, should never be wondering. Living on the only standing house in the crumbled compound of the now-disbanded Kikumoto clan, you could say it was an odd house for an odd girl. But now this odd girl would be attending her first day at the ninja academy, something her older brother was solemnly against. He simply hated the mere thought of having his sister be a part of what he thought to be "another pawn of the military complex." 

But it would get her out of the house, and she argued it would do her more good than the negatives that came with it. She'd have to start late, however, since she was already nine and the rest of the classmates have been at the academy since age six, but she was a fast learner, well... She had to be. The reason being was the very same reason she was well odd, she was what the village called a political book carrier. The position was one of knowledgeable importance, as it was an old position, and it even went back to the first Hokage, this position was one of four now-disbanded positions the Kikumoto clan occupied. 

A position that detailed the tasks of carrying knowledge, secret knowledge, the kind of knowledge that was best left to be forgotten. And Rin had to carry all of it, libraries worth of secrets and information of all types to be stored away within the depths of a large sketchbook. To be sealed by the strength of her soul, to be remembered but never talked about again. For even if she wished to forget the village needed someone to remember, for what if the Hokage required information? If she never remembered then, the Hokage surely wouldn't, and the village would suffer. So cursed with the seal mark of the black chrysanthemum, she for the rest of her life would bear the knowledge of the village by sealing it in the book that was her soul. 

But it didn't matter now, for, with jello-like legs, she stared at the oddly shaped building looming in front of her. As she felt her muscles tense up, it made her realize that she was about to enter an environment in which she could socialize with others. Other people who weren't her brother and other people who all had differing opinions, opinions as well as feelings different from her own, something her brother said was the bane of their existence. But if she was to learn how to understand others and become friends with any of them well, she'd have to try. So with reluctant steps, she walked forward into the building that would become the start of a life she couldn't even begin to think, she'd have. 

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"Alright class, today we have a new student who will be joining us..." Iruka Sensei now told the class, to the response of nods and a couple murmurs for who this newcomer could possibly be.

"Excuse me, but you're going to have to enter the classroom first," Iruka Sensei said gently motioning for her to step through the door, so lost in her thought that she forgot to enter the classroom entirely. But with cold feet, she stepped into the classroom, there were a lot of people, too many people. All of which stared down to her on high wooden benches that made everything seem so much more intimidating. "Alright, why don't you tell the class your name?" Iruka Sensei suggested with a smile, and with a nod, Rin complied.

I could walk into that classroom with an identity entirely different to my own, and no one could tell, I'll just say I'm so-so, and everyone will just believe me, and I'll have to live a lie for the rest of my life. Rin gripped her book, a book she should have kept in her back pocket, for the book not only carried libraries of information but her soul as well. But at times like these, it always seemed to calm her down when she held her book close.

"Is there anything you would like to say about yourself? A favourite colour perhaps?" Iruka Sensei suggested yet again breaking her train of thought, for little did she know as all this thinking was going on, she merely stood statue-like.

"Greetings or salutations, my name is Rin Kikumoto…" Rin said with her voice surprisingly steady. Look at the faces, study each one, remember what brother said, everyone feels something and all of it can be displayed on their faces. Perhaps someone is just as nervous as me? I know practically every dark secret in this village, something like this shouldn't scare me at all! It shouldn't scare me at all… Even if everything about this is new and new is a change and change is well, uncomfortable. Rin's obsidian coloured eyes darted back and forth, it made her eyes look like two little kaleidoscopes that seemed to draw you in by pure curiosity. She didn't find anyone, in particular, that was nervous, all except one girl, and she looked plain antsy with her blank pupilless purple eyes, eyes that were the mark of the Hyuga clan. 

Ironically she would have preferred world stumping mind bogglers, she was used to those, her brother would always give her one every week, and at the end of the week, they'd have a debate over it. Those questions were easier in a way since they were always open-ended and allowed room for an answer longer than a sentence. How was she supposed to form a meaningful opinion with a sentence? 

Favourite colour? Well, white reflects the sun and looks really lovely but it also stains easily, black is beautiful but plain dreadful in the summer, purple is majestic, but it's too expensive. Blue is so basic and red is far too strong, green is different enough to make me seem unusual, but the colour itself reminds me of puke. Grey is dull and brown feels like cheating because it's all the colours just mixed together, orange never looks good on me, and yellow makes my eyes hurt. Pink is sweet, but everyone is probably expecting me to say it and big brother always talks about how we have to break the "stereotypes' ', so it's out of the question. And what if someone in the class is colourblind, then I'll just sound like a jerk regardless! Rin was yet again looking towards the floor, typical softball questions that anyone could try and answer seemed like world stumping mind bogglers for her. 

It was only now that she realized she never answered Iruka Sensei, nor did she say anything at all, the realization of which made her sink slightly into herself. "Can I sit at my desk please," Rin asked awkwardly, re-evaluating my life is more like it.

It was then that she noticed the Uchiha insignia on his back, so he's Sasuke Uchiha the lone survivor of the Uchiha clan, well the personality checks out at least… Peas and carrots. Rin felt bad, Even if his personality made her think less of him. Being a book carrier meant she had to know a lot about this village, even tragedies he'd never know, but it weirdly comforted her. It's easy to understand someone she had records on, easier than having to get the information herself anyway. 

"Of course, there is an empty seat near the back where you can sit," Iruka said motioning towards the only free desk available. I guess I'm already the problem child or at least a timid emo kid, please believe me when I say I'm an entertaining and chill person! Wait, they can't hear me. Rin made her way to the back, it wasn't as bad as she thought it was, just well, really far away from the front. Sitting by the window in the seat next to her, was a cantankerous looking boy with short jet black hair in the shape of a duck's butt. "Guess we'll be desk buddies then," Rin joked offering her hand to shake, and telling by the irritated glare he shot her the joke didn't land.

With the proper information, she could empathize and formulate the best way to converse with the person for the best outcome. Even if in the process of knowing their records and files, it had the potential of making Rin feel guilty. But at the end of the day, she didn't know Sasuke, not enough to really care about him anyway. And by the looks of it, Sasuke would rather the world burn then talk to her, so as long as it stayed that way, Rin would never even worry about the potential guilt she might feel.

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The rest of the school day wasn't much of note, she tried to talk to people during the break period, but with everyone in their own cliques, it was a pointless endeavour. She couldn't even sulk on the swingset because some other kid was using it, and she couldn't talk to Sasuke because he was being... Well, a total dill weed. She tried to find the antsy girl she noticed previously, but she looked busy as well, for that same girl was staring at the kid on the swingset. Rin believed it was because she wanted a turn on the swingset as well, but she didn't ask. So she spent her break sitting in the shade sketching the other kids in a smaller plain white sketchbook different to her large floral decorated sketchbook. Her goal was to have drawn and made a personal file for every student in her class since baby steps were required if no one wanted to talk to you.

"Um, excuse me," A shy voice called, and as Rin looked over to see who it is, she was surprised to find the same antsy girl who was watching the swingset from before.

"Yes?" Rin called a little louder than expected, happy that someone approached her at all.

"Well um, I don't mean to be rude or forward or anything, but I couldn't help but ask… You just seem really invested in that drawing and well..." The girl fumbled around with her words, in fact, she fumbled so much you might as well call it a literary train wreck. Wait she's really not making any sense, so that means she's nervous… I was nervous earlier today, and it caused me to be embarrassed… Wait is this empathy? Well, sweet dango on a stick, I'm empathizing! God, empathy feels fantastic! Rin was correct, she really was empathizing, but in the process it caused her to stare at the girl. Which caused the girl to become so nervous she simply excused herself and left, leaving Rin alone yet again. 

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Before she knew it, it was the end of the day, so with her book in hand, she left to go home skipping as she went, only stopping when she reached a small ridge to the side of the sidewalk, green grass and little white clovers painting a scene of contentment. Taking a slight detour, Rin began to pick the white clovers, tying them into a crown as she went scrutinizing the ridge for more of the prettiest and most delicate of clovers. "Well don't you have great eyes for flower picking?" A rather confident sounding voice called, Rin looked up from her flowers to find a girl with platinum blonde hair tied into a short ponytail. "I'm Ino by the way, and you must be Rin, right?" Ino said, offering her hand to shake.

"Oh, hello Ino… Wait doesn't your family run the flower shop?" Rin asked excitedly, shaking her hand back, she loved to go there and get flowers every Sunday. 

"That's right, my family runs the Yamanaka flower shop, but enough about me, you were recently given a seat next to Sasuke, right?" Ino asked to which Rin nodded.

"Well you don't really seem to like Sasuke, so I was wondering if you'd want to change seats with me?" Ino asked Rin's confusion.

"Wait, do you like Sasuke?!" Rin exclaimed, surprised to which Ino laughed.

"Yeah, and who doesn't?" Ino asked, and when Rin pointed to herself, Ino laughed "And I'm taller than most of the girls in our class."

"Still it doesn't make sense though, I tried talking to him, and he's well very distant, to say the least," Rin responded, confused to Ino squealing.

"But that's what makes him so cool," Ino gushed.

"Cold is more like it," Rin responded, still confused and even more confused to find Ino irritated.

"Well you're still new, so maybe you just don't understand Sasuke at all," Ino huffed, turning around to leave, forgetting about what she was going to ask Rin in the first place. Rin was still confused, what was there to understand about Sasuke, even without records Rin could feel the hatred steaming off the boy. He was rather one-note in that regard, to curse at the rest of the world is to ignore everything else about it, including the complications that make life a greyish mix of exoticness. But she wasn't one to judge, she didn't have the best first impression either, and telling by everyone's reaction to her, she probably wasn't liked either. So for all, she knew he too had socialization problems and wasn't that why she was here in the first place, to understand others? And how could she understand others by writing them off?

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Maybe I don't really know Sasuke all that well either, I mean Ino has been in that class since she was little and I've only just joined... Wait, that's it! To properly understand someone I have to befriend them, I mean to call someone a friend is to understand them. That's what I'll do! And with that, Rin got up determined and marched on with a flower crown in hand.

"I'm home!" Rin called as she took off her shoes to find her brother on a chair near the door. "I made this on my way back home," Rin said, giving him the flower crown she made previously.

"Well, doesn't this look nice on me," Her brother said, gently placing the crown on his head as if it was his own personal coronation and with a thumbs up from Rin he ruffled her hair.

“It was…” Rin trailed off, how was her day? She couldn't really put a finger on how she felt about it. It was different to say the least, but it wasn’t a bad difference going there made her feel like a scientist sent to study a different land from her own. “I’m not sure, but I think I want to go tomorrow,” she did want to go back, even if it was odd but where there was oddity, there was a way to understand it. And that’s what she was here to do.

"Maybe one day, you could come with me to pick the flowers?" Rin suggested, trying her best to ignore the slight grimace in his eyes, her brother hated leaving the house. Something he hadn't done since she was six, after that he just came home one day and never left. 

“When the flowers grow in the backyard, we can pick them together,” He suggested a small smile on his face, that was enough for Rin, it was her first day of school and she was simply too tired to get into yet another argument. “How was your day at school?” He asked carefully, Rin found him studying her face, a habit her brother always had when he felt Rin wouldn't tell him the whole story.

[jd-loves-everyone]

Chapter 1: Lee Minho

At the age of 12, the school's yearly talent contest was probably the less exciting thing about my life, unlike what most of my peers thought. Not that it was boring but, considering I didn't have anything I practiced and/or was confident enough in to show off, I just felt slightly bad for all the dreams crushed at that damned event.

I could practically smell the sweat and tears (thankfully not literally) that would be spilled on the raised wooden stage as me and my friend, Maia, entered the auditorium.

Maia, my friend since the beginning of that year (not quite my BEST friend yet, but maybe ONE of them), with what I thought was an unmatched talent for musical theatre, was sat beside me.

She was supposed to be behind those giant puke green curtains, getting ready to take the award home. But because of a twisted ankle, she was unable to (something she cried about for at least a week, unlike what I would've done).

Even in that moment I couldn't understand why she'd want to even come see the contest, considering it would only hurt her more. But I didn't question it, and instead continued to make meaningless conversation with her about our day, as parents and children began to fill the space.

The show began shortly after the (way too long) speech from the principal about how we should all enjoy the show and have fun and all that.

I somewhat space after the disappointment that was the first girl, I feel some pity for her, being the first one to perform must not be easy. I did want to comment with Maia on it but she seemed to be in her own dimension, as I could also see the thoughts going through her head at 100 miles per hour, so I zoned out.

I remember seeing a boy with an exceptionally beautiful voice, which both me and Maia nodded along to and clapped extra hard for (even if when had been politely clapping for every participant, we gave it a LITTLE more effort that time), and I can recall little less.

There apparently were a lot more students participating that year, because the show to drag on forever and move slower than a snail, which quickly got pretty boring. I returned my attention to the brightly lit stage when seeing Maia sit a little straighter in her stair out of the corner of my eye in anticipation.

The contestant announced was "Lee Minho, the Dancing Gem."

'That's a bit much.' Was what I was planning to comment to Maia, before I saw the look of admiration in her eyes and the bittersweet up turn of her lips.

"You know him?" I asked instead. Her whole demeanor changed as she energetically turned to me.

"Do I know him? Who doesn't?! He's the most talented dancer in the district, I can guarantee you. My teacher watched him dance at a competition once and said that he had the potential to win at least a few national awards at just 13. That has to count for something." She declared passionately, waving her arms about.

I hummed a quiet (and unsure) 'we'll see', before turning towards the stage once more as the spotlights focused on the centre as the thick curtains parted slightly to let the next competitor through.

Upon first glance, there was nothing too special about his appearance. He was of average height, with somewhat broad shoulders covered by a white shirt, long legs dressed in ripped blue jeans and sneakers on his feet. That plus the usual straight black hair in the usual hairstyle really didn't make him stand out much. But god, was his face enough to make him stand out.

The best way to describe it was, pretty. He was just too pretty to be real.

He had double-lidded cat like eyes, a sharp and thin nose and a not too sharp nor too soft jawline. The most curious thing about his appearance was what I like to call a 'cat smile', a smile where the corners of the lips turned upwards while the rest remained in a straight line. It all just seemed to work. I could already imagine my mother saying something like 'Either puberty came earlier for him or he's gonna be a model when it does' and at that moment, I couldn't agree more with the imaginative comment.

'The beauty of simplicity' is as close as I could get to making justice to his features.

"You seem very focused now compared to earlier." Maia commented cheekily, making me blush. I couldn't even formulate an answer (to the clear jab at my ego), too caught up in wondering about truthfulness of it. Did he catch my attention more than the others? Obviously yes (not that they could really compare to him). Do I find him undeniably attractive? Hell yes. 'Oh god. I think I just got my first crush.'

I momentarily pushed those troublesome thoughts aside, instead focusing on the performance. And thank god I did, I soon realized I would've hated to miss even a second of the stunning act.

The way he moved was captivating in its own way. It looked natural, almost effortless, but it was also easy to tell that a lot of strict planning was involved, every move was flawless and not a centimeter out of place.

It was mesmerizing to watch, the charisma radiated from him in waves from the beginning all the way to the end of the performance.

When it ended, I became aware of the flabbergasted expression I had on my face, jaw slack and eyes wide in awe. It was too much for my young brain to fully comprehend. And maybe it was my, still recovering, brain playing tricks on me, but I swore he locked eyes with me as he bowed respectfully, throwing one of those cat-like smiles in my direction before exiting the stage. Probably didn't happen.

Well, if I THOUGHT I had a crush just by looking at him, I was sure of it after seeing him dance. That and I had just discovered my new passion.

"Dude, my teacher was right. He is SO much better in person." Maia commented lightly, turning my way. She was only met with my wide eyes and flushed cheeks as I realized...

"I have a crush on Lee Minho... And I really wanna learn how to dance." Maia blinked owlishly at my declaration, before bursting out into laughter.

"Oh, you got it bad huh. Well, maybe you can talk to him after the show." She said teasingly, holding back from letting her lips spread out into a wide cheshire grin.

"Oh please. I'd just be bothering him." My blush darkened, mentally dismissing the idea immediately. Like he'd care about what I had to say.

"Come on, why not? I'm sure he'd appreciate it." Maia said, genuinely this time, as I looked at her doubtfully.

The show was over in no time, as I pondered about whether or not I should actually go and talk to my new found crush, as Maia pestered me to do so.

The awards were given out, Minho winning first place (which came as a surprise to no one), the other awards going to people who frankly weren't that great but it wasn't like the whole selection was anything extraordinary. They were the best of the worst you could say, mediocre at best. But who am I to judge, they were just kids, but I guess my standard rose a little too high after Minho's breathtaking and heart-shatteringly captivating performance.

I eventually relented, getting up and stomping with a newfound determination to the main school hall where everyone had gathered after the show, looking around.

The hall was filled to the brim with parents and students alike, chatting lively and congratulating each other (some simply for participating).

It was hard to make out anyone's face clearly in the ocean of people, but nonetheless I tried my best to look for the star of the night, despite the nerves and anxiety sizzling in my gut.

I finally caught a glimpse of him as he was leaving the hall towards the outside of the building, probably hoping to not be bothered as he probably had already been bombarded by questions and praises all night. I stood there, in a slight moment of hesitation. 'Maybe he went outside because he wanted space, I really shouldn't bother him.'

I, mentally, shook that thought out of my head, if I wanted to talk to him it had to be now or I'd never do it.

I began walking toward the door leading outside, pulling it open with probably more strength than necessary.

As I stepped outside, I saw the boy of the night, sitting on the stone stepped right outside the door, looking up at the tall buildings surrounding the school.

Upon hearing the door slam closed, Minho turned in my direction to see who had just stepped outside, a stern but subtle furrow in his eyebrows.

"Hey can I bother you for a few minutes?" I spoke with surprising confidence, that even I didn't expect.

Due to his seemingly annoyed facial expression, I thought the answer might've been a no, but his eyes widened as he carefully took in my features, what looked like recognition flashing through his eyes. It was hard to tell what it was exactly because of his calm, maybe even cold, expression. I might've missed the changes if I wasn't paying close attention to his face (which got harder and harder as I looked at how his eyes seemed to spark like stars. Which was honestly, unfairly distracting.

"You don't bother." He finally spoke, patting the stone next to him, for me to sit.

"We'll see about that in a few minutes." I said jokingly as I sat next to him. From the corner of my eye, I could see a slight, microscopical upturn in his lips. A break in his mask, perhaps.

"I... I know you've either heard this too many times already, or if not it's gonna sound really weird but... I-I... Just wanted to say that..." I tried my best to get the words out, but it got nearly impossible as I felt his curious eye on the side of my down turned face.

"You know what? Forget it. It's not even that--"

"Important? I think it is, if this hard to get it out. Come on, don't leave me hanging now." He cut me off with a light chuckle, a gentle and encouraging smile on his lips when I turned towards his voice at the interruption.

"Well... It's kind of silly but... I just wanted to say that... I sort of, fell in love with dancing because of you. Watching you perform really, ignited something in me. And I think I really just meant to say thank you for giving me something to be passionate about." As I finished I started rubbing my arms, it seemed like that temperature had dropped a few degrees. Or maybe it was just the contrast of the chilly night air with my blushing cheeks.

At his silence, I slowly lifted my head to gage his reaction. I found shock written all over his face, the last crack on his emotionless mask making it shatter completely. I also found that the expression he wore was absolutely adorable, making me unintentionally let out a small giggle, which seemed to make him snap out of whatever trance he had been under. It also seemed to ease the tense atmosphere that had built up around us due to his previous lack of reaction and my own nerves.

He looked as if he was holding back a smile of his own, but it broke through his facade as  he turned towards the buildings once again, their lights reflecting in his eyes.

"You were wrong you know? No one has ever said that to me before and it's not weird at all either. It's actually really touching. I never thought I had that effect on other people, I just thought all of them felt a sort of enjoyment at watching me. I never imagined I could move someone's emotions like that." He admitted chuckling, his eyes seeming to hold a new, beautiful shine to them.

"Well, now you know." I said awkwardly, fiddling with my sleeves. His stare was just a bit too intense for me to handle, making my blush darken (if possible).

"If you're serious about dancing, maybe you should join the dance club. I'm part of it, so I could help you out if you need it."

"Oh no, I don't know if that'd be a good idea. I would just be slowing you down." I said, furiously shaking my head in denial.

"It's no problem at all! I'm actually thinking of becoming a dance teacher when I grow up so, helping YOU helps ME." He smiled cutely.

'Why are you so damn cute?!'

"If it really isn't a problem, I guess I could try at least one class. Just to see if I like it. But I don't promise that I will!" I gave in after looking into his pleading eyes and (adorable) pouty lips. The contrast between his expression at that moment and at the beginning of our conversation was almost enough to give me whiplash. I preferred this expression much more.

We continued to talk for what seemed like an hour, though I couldn't be sure.

I did, in fact, join the school's dance club and stayed in it all the way up to high school (which wasn't covered by our school so we had to move, luckily we went to the same one, something I very anxious about).

In the dance club, I realized that it was a good idea for Minho to become a dance teacher. Under his guidance, I quickly got used to my new hobby, which soon turned into passion. He made everything seem easy and simple, and moved in a way that highlighted the precision of his moves.

I didn't think he could improve his dancing anymore, but he proved me wrong, as it had become usual, by continuing to win various awards which only got bigger and bigger.

As my love for dancing grew, so did my crush on him, as I got to see more of his 4D personality, and met his 3 adorable cats: Soon-ie, Doong-ie and Dori. I was even there when he got Dori, so I was pretty attached to the cat. (To all of them, as they were just absolutely adorable).

I've also experienced his slight... change in personality. How he became flirtier, how his compliments became bolder and how he became touchier. I tried not to think much of it, but I couldn't help but be hopeful, as those compliments weren't directed at everyone.

It only served to fuel this hope further when Hyunjin, a younger (and very handsome) dancer joined our highschool's dance club, since then we only seemed to get closer.

The moment I realised that my feelings for Minho were more than a meaningless childhood crush was actually a chain of events, not exactly one moment. Sometime after Hyunjin had joined the dance club.

It was time to go home after a long afternoon of practice, most other students had already left, bit me, Hyunjin, Minho and a few others had stayed behind to slowly pack up and tidy up the room. I was picking up my duffel bag, ready to head out, when Hyunjin called out to me. I walked over to where he, Minho and a couple other guys were gathered.

The others looked as if they were up to no good, which had me kind of curious, but I didn't dwell on it and instead turned to the one who had called me over. He also seemed odd, fiddling with his fingers nervously, his cheeks pink from something other than exertion.

"Hey. What's up?" I asked, hoping to snap the boy out of his little bubble. Seeing him like this wasn't usual, and was pretty entertaining to watch, but I didn't that snapping him out of it was the better option.

"H-Hey! Uh, well, I--" Deep breath.

"I was gonna ask you if you'd, maybe, want to go have coffee with me? Today, perhaps?" He managed after calming down, looking ready to be rejected. (Apparently. Would anyone actually reject him? No. So why was he so scared that I would?)

"O-Oh, I mean, yeah, I'd love to." I immediately felt a pang of guilt in my chest. 'What about Maia?' I thought. 'But it doesn't need to be a date, I could just try to tell him how awesome she is.' I thought, slightly bitterly, I did want a date with Hyunjin, but as my (best)friend, Maia was a priority. (Just spending time with him wouldn't hurt either).

As I accepted, Hyunjin got a small, shy smile on his face, his blush getting even darker. The boys around him laughed, patting his back. I caught a glimpse of Minho's face, his eyes were wide, jaw slack in disbelief. I brushed it off.

"Should we get going? It might get late--" I started, before being interrupted by Minho.

"Actually, she can't go today. She needs to... Help me with my cat! Yeah! I need some help with Dori!" It was clear he had made it up, but considering it was extremely out of character for him, it must have been important so I relented.

"Sorry Hyunjin, I'm gonna go with Minho. Raincheck to another day?"

Hyunjin nodded, somewhat sadly, as Minho basically dragged me out of the room by the arm as I tried to wave everyone goodbye.

Once we were out of the building, we settled into a comfortable walking pace towards the bus stop, as I texted Chan saying that he didn't need to pick me up today.

The bus ride was mostly silent (which was unusual), save for the small talk each of us tried to make. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable, but not exactly wanted either.

As we were walking down his street, nearing his house, I decided to finally ask the question that had been bugging me.

"Do you REALLY need my help with Dori? I mean, I know she likes me better, but it's still manageable right?" I said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

He looked as if he'd been caught stealing from the cookie jar.

"She doesn't like you THAT much. But I'll admit, that wasn't my actual intention." He said sheepishly. I was finally able to put 2 and 2 together, even if it was highly unlikely.

"Wait. Were you jealous?" The question made him hesitate as he was unlocking the door to his house.

"Uh, I... You know. Uh, you know what, I don't even REALLY know why I did it anyway." He sounded sincere enough, so despite my curiosity, I dropped the subject as he seemed genuinely torn.

"Welcome. My parents won't be home until later, so we're alone for now." He walked in, taking off his jacket as I put down my duffle bag, already heading towards the living, where the cats would most likely be.

As I approached the room, I could already hear them scratching at the door and meowing loudly. I opened the door, petting Soon-ie and Doong-ie as I passed them, heading towards the window on the far end of the room, Dori's favorite spot because of the heat the sun provided when it hit.

And there she was, laying in the last remains of the already setting sun. And with no signs of injury or anything to be worried about whatsoever.

"So, what exactly was wrong with her?" I turned to Minho as he entered with a teasing look, already anticipating his answer.

"I told you already, didn't I? I lied. Not sure why though." He walked to where Dori was sat, reaching to stroke her head, making her purr in delight, as the others also got closer to their owner at the chance to get petted. In response, Minho sat down next to the newest kitten, as Soon-ie and Doong-ie tried to climb onto his lap at the same time. This made him giggle, trying his best to satisfy every one of his "children".

It was like the world froze or slowed down in that moment.

The best was to describe the way Minho looked at that moment would be angelic, but even that wouldn't cover it.

His dark hair shone in the sun, looking too soft to resist, his dark eyes gazed fondly at his pets as a beautiful, peaceful and joyful smile broke out across his face. The sun framed the scene perfectly, making look picturesque, and suddenly I wished I had my camera with me at that moment to truly capture it in all its beauty.

I realized that the difference between our first meeting and then, was humongous, in the best way possible. He had become so open to me and so... Lively and relaxed. I loved the change.

That was the moment when I realized that my crush for Lee Minho was not going away anytime soon and that it wasn't just a silly childhood crush that would disappear in 2 weeks to a month. It was there, in my heart, to stay.

"You gonna just stand there looking weird? I know you love looking at my face but..." He directed that heavenly smile toward me as he spoke.

On that day, not only did I realize the extent of my feelings for Minho, he also realized the nature of his feelings for me.