#showing empathy like you fucking told me you were fine I didn't think there was anything to be empathetic about right now and then you went

[milo-is-rambling]

My mother will really just say things to me that hurt my feelings and then when I get upset about it she will say things like "you have absolutely no empathy for me"

[h8ani]

Prompt #21 with Sasuke from Naruto please! 🥰 Surprise me!

Part One → Part Two → Part Three

Pairing: Sasuke Uchiha x Reader

Anime: Naruto

Word Count: 3k

Synopsis: you hate him and he hates you, but when he shows up out of nowhere demanding to speak to you all of those years of pent up hatred come out

Warnings: this is the first smut I wrote in years so that’s a warning in itself, rough doggy, all characters are of age/aged up, dirty talk, angry sasuke, oral (female receiving), missionary for 2.5 seconds, angry reader at sasuke

Prompt: “This doesn’t change anything between us.”

A/N - look I actually tried really hard on this and I lowkey wanna make a pt2 to this so please tell me if y’all would want it! Feel free to request a prompt!

"Isn't he so cute!"

"I'm going to marry him someday."

"Sasuke is so cool!"

Hearing his name you couldn't help but roll your eyes. You couldn't stand his attitude even at your young age. It was always someone trying to one up the other, whether it be you excelling in your chakra control or him beating someone else in seconds in a sparring match. You hated him, you hated his attitude and you hated how every girl would throw herself in front of a kunai for him. You hated Sasuke Uchiha and he hated you.

Your feelings towards him weren't one sided either, he could've left you alone but no, he had to bother you any chance he got. Clearly he developed damage to his brain where he can't learn to develop the skills of empathy and self control.

The teasing wasn't that bad, it was the shitty tricks he'd pull and act like it wasn't him. If you wanna pull a prank on someone at least take ownership instead of being a pussy. Did you just call a 12 year old a pussy? Yes. Yes you did. Sasuke Uchiha at 12 years old was a pussy and you've told him that to his face too.

                                          ~~~

"You're leaving." You say as more of a statement than a question. You look at the brooding kid in front of you, his hand on his backpack strap tightening as he stares angrily at you.

"What does it matter to you?"

"It doesn't but-"

"Then shut up and mind your business." He interjects quickly causing you to stare daggers at him.

"You're a pussy." You push off from the wall you were leaning on and brush past him. "You were weak during exams and you're weak now." You begin to walk away past him when his grips the collar of your shirt and slams you back into the wall you were on. "Hey asshole!-"

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." He cuts you off, his face only mere inches from you.

"You wanna kiss pretty boy?" You shove him away as hard as you can creating some distance between the two of you. "Just get the fuck out of the village already."

And so he did.

You couldn't feel any happier once Sasuke was out of the village. The pain in your ass wasn't there anymore and you felt like you didn't need to prove yourself as the top of your class anymore even though you have been graduated from the academy for over two years. You were perfectly fine without him, everyone else he supposedly made 'friends' with, if he was even able to make actual friends that is; they were worried, suddenly wanting to go out and retrieve him like he was taken. Once again Sasuke was the top priority to everyone minds.

You couldn't care less about Sasuke Uchiha.

                                      ~~~

He hasn't crossed your mind on your own accord in years. You hadn't seen him in years, you know he's still a topic around the village but you tend to zone everyone out when he gets brought up and at this point in time it's been working. Out of sight, out of mind, he could have gotten himself killed in a random battle and you don't think you'd shed a single tear for him.

You hear a bang at your front door which catches your attention immediately, you go to ignore it thinking it's the neighbor's kid across from your apartment kicking the ball they had against your door until the banging becomes repetitive, the more bangs coming from the other side of the door the louder they became. You swing the door open looking to see who or what was the cause of the annoying noise only to be shoved to the side into the door frame. "What the hell!" You raise your voice grabbing the wrist of who barged in, you get overpowered and pulled back into your apartment and the door gets slammed. You look up at the intruder who shoved his way into your home and see him. "Sasuke?"

Sasuke looks frustrated to say the least. He has the same signature scowl he's always had on his face and the same posture with his arms crossed over his chest while looking around your apartment. There doesn't seem to be a difference in the way he looks at you either, the same hatred behind his eyes as always, even with him being the one rudely shoving his way inside.

"(Y/N)." He said simply with nothing coming after. You waited a few moments if he was just trying to be dramatic with his entrance. He never said anything after that.

"Why are you back in the village?"

"I'm not." You roll your eyes and huff a sigh.

"Why are you here in my apartment then?" You mimic his body and cross your arms over your chest, his head turns to face you and his eyes stare at you intensely. You'd say you were used to this but after so many years you've grown unaccustomed to the look he used to give you because it was nothing like this.

"I'm here to talk, I need to-"

"Why am I supposed to care what you need?" You  insert before he's done speaking. He huffs a breath and soon enough his eyes shoot the daggers you remember.

"I don't expect you to I just need-"

"How about you tell me why you left the village in the first place?" You cut him off mid sentence once again. You don't care about his needs, you don't care about him at all, but you'd like some answers. "Was it like everyone was saying? That you just wanted to grow stronger? So did you find it? Did you get stronger like you wanted?"

"That doesn't matter I don't need to answer that right now, you clearly already know the answer to that." He rolls his eyes and let his arms fall from his chest.

Sasuke was never a man of many words, he was never a man at all he was just a little boy, but with his responses you can't help but bug him about it. Call it being nosy or call it you always zoning everyone out the second you hear his name so you never actually found out the reasoning for him abandoning the village.

"So you're still weak? You're still that little kid who does nothing but bitch and complain about wanting revenge. You may have grown up in these last few years but you're still that sad, pathetic, weakling-" Your shoulders are shoved and pinned to the wall behind you in a moment, you gasp out at the sudden jolt in your back and look up at the angry ravenette.

"Shut up." He growls lowly and if looks could kill, not that he could but you'd probably drop dead if he wished it.

"Make me you prick." You look at him, your stare unwavering as the pressure on your shoulders feels tighter.

There is no sound in your home but everything seems to be buzzing in your ears. Sasuke's face only inches from yours, seemingly just like when he left the village. You feel a sudden wave of nostalgia if you can even call it that as it wasn't a fond memory to think back on. You wait for his response, you look into his eyes and can't decipher what's going on in his head. His grip on your shoulders loosen before he crashes his lips onto yours, his hand now finding a place onto the back of your neck to pull you even closer to him.

Your eyes widen in shock as you don't kiss him back. The kiss surprising you but what is even more of a shock is who is kissing you. You feel him pull away and the look he gives you is mixed with annoyance and frustration. "Just kiss me back." He pauses and smirks, "Or are you too much of a pussy." Your eyes darken with anger as he used your insult to him against yourself. He doesn't wait for your answer before he pulls you back to his lips, you instantly kissing back.

The kiss was hard and the only emotion behind it was the hatred you feel towards him. Your lips molded together as you two kissed, his hand found it's way from the back of your neck to tangling itself in your hair while you felt his grip tighten sending a tingling sensation to your scalp. He took the opportunity to slide his tongue in heating the kiss up in an instant.

You could feel him press against you, his leg sliding between yours and pressing against your clothed core, a small sound comes out but is quickly swallowed down by him. His lips leave yours to slowly kiss down your jaw, it was excruciatingly slow the way he kissed you, from your jaw to your neck to the sweet spot he found almost instantly. You bit back a moan but he made sure to take his time marking up your neck.

The feeling of his thigh was hard to push to the back of your mind, all you could feel was Sasuke and what he was doing to you. You hate him, you hate how he's making you react right now and you hate at how good he is and neither of you have even taken a single piece of clothing off of each other yet. You hate even more the needy words that come out of your mouth next.

"Bedroom." You say almost breathlessly, you could feel the smirk he gives against your neck before quickly going back to your lips. His hands slide to your waist and pull you to him and walk you back not daring to break from the kiss. He pushes open one door and you feel your ass bump into something hard and cold, you pull away from him to see you backed up against your washing machine. "You idiot, this is the wrong room." You roll your eyes and walk past him going into your bedroom.

"How the fuck was I supposed to know that it's not like I've been in your apartment." He scoffs following you and kicking the door shut.

"Oh I bet you must've dreamed-" your words were short lived as he spun you around and kissed you quieting you down.

Kissing Sasuke wasn't like all the books you've read, it wasn't sweet, it wasn't like being with your ex's when you were in love. His kiss was full of passion, it's a kiss of desire and a feeling of pent up frustrations he nor you have been able to let out. Frustrations at each other, at the world, at everything. Sasuke was a damn good kisser too which annoyed you even further.

His lips left yours to tug off your top, the fabric quickly being discarded to a random corner in your room. His eyes ate your figure up, seeing how your breasts layed there perfectly in your bra you were wearing. A low groan left his lips as he went to kiss up your chest, his fingers hooking onto the waistband of your skirt and started to tug it down past your thighs pooling around your ankles. You quickly kicked them away and pulled at his shirt. "Off." You demand and he takes no time in removing his shirt before pushing you back to the edge of the bed and dropping to his knees."

"Spread." He now is the one demanding. You go to spread your legs before pausing and closing them causing a confused look to cross his face.

"This doesn't change anything between us. I still hate you." His confusion quickly deadpans before shaking his head.

"God shut up." He spreads your legs and pushes your panties to the side before slowly swiping his thumb along your slit and pressing it to your clit causing you to gasp. "You're soaked." It was more of a statement than anything but feeling his thumb start to roll little circles on your clit sent a shockwave up your body. You watched him as he stared at your pussy.

"Are you going to sit and stare or are you going to actually do something pretty boy?" Your words rang in his ears and he slowly looked up at you, the same irritation growing in him like it did all those years ago when you'd call him that name. His thumb left your clit and his index and middle finger slowly pushed it and curled causing you to let out a small moan. He could feel you already clenching around them as he started to pump them in and out of you. "Stop calling me that." His head dipped down between your thighs and licked a long swipe before settling on your clit making you let out another moan.

"I can't help it." You say running your fingers through his hair. "You're a pretty- ahh fuck..." Sasuke sucks on your clit harshly, his fingers curling and uncurling from your gspot making your mind go fuzzy with the pleasure he's giving you. Your fingers tighten in his hair tugging slightly, "Fuck Sasuke." You throw your head back taking in the feeling of his tongue and fingers working on you. You can feel the coil in your stomach tighten up and you screw your eyes shut feeling the pleasure hit you. You feel dizzy and can't focus on anything but Sasuke. He tugs your panties down past your hips and tosses them to the side before finally undoing his pants. You fall back against your bed, chest heavy as that was one orgasm that knocked the wind out of you.

You feel the bed dip down before you're turned over to your stomach, a harsh smack heard before you felt his hand come across your ass. "Ass up." He says, his voice low as he picks up your hips positioning them to his liking. You feel him bring the tip of his cock up and down your slit causing you to shiver. You can just feel the smirk on his face before he pushes in giving you no moment to get adjusted. You let out a mix of a moan and groan feeling him stretch you out, you not having any sort of sex in a while is the excuse you'd like to give but you also didn't expect Sasuke to be big in the slightest.

His hands gripped your hips and brought you back with each thrust, you arched your back and dropped your head letting out small moans as he hit a spot in you that you haven't felt before. "You ever felt this good before with anybody else?" You could hear the smugness in his voice. "You're so fucking tight, don't tell me, you weren't saving yourself for anyone were you?" He chuckles as he thinks what he's saying is funny, you throw your hand back ready to smack him but he quickly catches it and pins your arm behind your back pushing you further into the mattress as he slams into you at a slower pace. "Of course you weren't, you take my cock too well."

You could feel every inch of him with every hard thrust he gives you, feeling him deep in your stomach as you grip the bedsheets tighter and tighter.  "Please go faster." You whine out without meaning to. Sasuke pulls out and flips you to your back before slowly pushing back in making you moan. He leaned forward his thrusts picking up pace and making you look at him.

The close proximity of him making you nervous all of a sudden, missionary was for eye contact, kissing, all of that intimate shit. Doggy style is much more your style with Sasuke. You don't have to look at him. The smirk on his face makes you question him before he speaks. "Who knew you were such a needy sub." Your eyebrows furrow as you go to speak but the words died on your tongue when Sasuke brings his fingers to your clit again bringing you close to your second orgasm. "You're just taking my dick like a good girl, aren't you?" You shake your head refusing to listen to him. His fingers move faster on your clit giving you the perfect amount of pressure to send you back over the edge. Your eyes squeezed shut and head pressed back in your mattress as you orgasmed for the second time in the night. You can feel Sasuke's hips stutter as he fucks you through your orgasm, his pace quickening even more before you felt him stop and let out a low groan as he came inside you.

Your eyes shoot open as you smack his arm, "You did not! Not inside you idiot!" You shove him off of you as you quickly go to your bathroom that's connected to your room.

Sasuke chuckles to himself before letting out a small "oops." He sits himself up on your bed and gets himself dressed. He can hear you grumbling in the bathroom and the shower starting to run as he gets finished. He stands up and makes his way around your room walking to the door before his eyes laid upon picture frames on your dresser. He can faintly see pictures of your closest friends, some recent and some old but what catches his eyes the most was a picture taken when you were in the academy. It was when the top of the class got a picture taken and both you and Sasuke tied for number one. Both of you were upset that you had to take a picture together and it was evident on your faces. Your arms were crossed while glaring at the camera man and whoever had to have forced the picture and Sasuke was looking over to the side, his hand on his hip and looking as annoyed as ever.

Out of all the photos you put in a frame you put that one even as you hated him.

Hate. It's a funny emotion. Isn't it?

[maudiemoods]

QUICK QUESTION regarding your beings made of stardust au, and I have no idea if we've been told this before BUT we know that sun, moon, eclipse and some others (lost to mukbang 20k special 💔) went on a space ship as a crew. But how common is it for these crews to exist? Do they serve some kind of cooperation or company or do they just fuck around independently for the shits and giggles until eclipse decided hmmm do you ever wonder what you taste like?

Eclipse and his crew work for the medical industry with a corporation that funds them! They gather resources that can be used as medicine! Most stardust! It's considered dangerous work so it's not too common (which means they get paid pretty handsomely) but there are other jobs that involve space travel that are a lot safer so space ship crews are very common. It's the work that's not so common. There are independent crews that are self employed but it's a lot of work! Have to find yourself, find your own employees, advertise yourself blah blah blah eclipse wanted to be self employed but because he's under watch he has to go through systems and all that. Idk if I explained that well djsjjs

I don't think I ever posted this info for sun and moon? They finished pilot school (they met there) then went their separate ways! They worked for a few years before either being laid off or fired! Eclipse and his crew started making a lot of money and wanted to upgrade to a bigger ship! The ship needed two pilots and since eclipse was their original pilot, he planned on only hiring one more. But he interviewed sun and moon (separately. They didn't know they were both going for the same job) and saw how much they could bring to the team so he hired both to be the pilots! He also chose them because he could tell they would get along really well! (He can evaluate people very well! It's one of his abilities!)

Ok, let me explain why eclipse is under watch djskjdjs when he was younger, he showed signs of being different. He was extremely intelligent but had an interest in a lot of morbid stuff. He was also very withdrawn from society and lacked the sentimentality that their species normally have. No big deal though! Their society has systems to make those like him comfortable! He was taught empathy and communication skills. He was told what was socially acceptable and what wasn't. For a long time, up until a few months before the incident with his crew, he was fine living the way he was. "under watch" really just means that he goes to therapy and checks in every so often. Eventually, he stops going and stops checking in. He lets his mind wander and he begins to let himself live by his own standards. Eventually, this leads to insecurities and paranoia. He loves his crew very much. They are his family. Soon, he starts to believe that the only way to keep them safe is to cannibalize them. He sees it as containing them within himself, so by keeping himself safe, he keeps his crew safe.

Also, wanted to go ahead and make this clear, they are not brothers in this au fjjwjdkaksisj definitely not in this au fjjsndjajsjs

[mlobsters]

supernatural s6e12 like a virgin (w. adam glass)

i can never watch a stormy scary nighttime flight scene without thinking of the thing on plane wing in the twilight zone movie from 1983. that movie must have been in heavy rotation on tv at some point in my childhood (clip on youtube if you're curious)

(this is why it takes me 2 hours to watch an episode)

CASTIEL Let me tell you what his soul felt like when I touched it. Like it had been skinned alive, Dean. If you wanted to kill your brother, you should have done it outright.

great, great.

oh, dean. not gonna tell him about being soulless. why do you do this! writers, why must you do this kind of thing over and over and over 😩 please do not drag this out for ages, i'm begging you

BOBBY He's gonna find out, you know. One way or another, someone'll tell him, or he'll figure it out on his own. He's not dumb. He should it hear it from us.

DEAN Can we just leave it alone for the moment, please?

better be a short fucking moment, my guy.

the filming on this car conversation is SO DIFFERENT whoa. it's like they changed how it was filmed, different angles, you can actually see real stuff outside the window, exterior light showing inside the car. what's going on! it's nice, but whoa

DEAN I was with them for a year—Lisa and Ben.

SAM A year?

SAM So then what?

DEAN Didn't work out.

DEAN turns up the music.

MUSIC It was a new day yesterday but it's an old day now

(a new day yesterday, good choice)

every time dean lies to sam "for his own good" i just want to smack him.

PENNY'S SISTER They were just starting to get serious. She didn't want to seem, you know…Not interested. I just wish I'd told her to stay home. We don't even have a body to bury.

not sure what that look was about (wishing sam stayed home [???]->my brain could suggest leaving him at stanford but i mean no escape from their fate). dean giving sam all sorts of meaningful looks in this interview with the sister

man i hate when they have wacky hijinks in the middle of the serious episode. like when becky showed up previously. yucking it up about virgins

the show is so not subtle sometimes, sam's really gonna flex his empathy this episode

(desktop background update, no change) pins in the motel wood paneling? bold.

BOBBY Yeah, yeah. Hey, how's Memento doing over there? He caught you in any lies yet?

DEAN Everything's fine. Sam says hey.

😒

SAM Hey, did we hunt a skinwalker lately?

DEAN Doesn't ring a bell. Why?

SAM I don't know. Just...déjà vu or something. Are you sure? I could have sworn—

DEAN You got to remember, your eggs are still a little scrambled, right? But, yeah, I'm sure.

that deserves several smacks. damnit dean.

the coloring is very unfortunately orange again in a lot of these scenes :( and i don't even know what to say about bobby's ex. weird styling choices. not great lines. mmrgh

preemptively cringing at this sword in the stone bit. god it went on for SO LONG.

SAM Um...Look, I-I would hug you, but—

CASTIEL —that would be awkward.

was that really necessary?

welp, no surprise cas spills the beans. thank goodness. but also DAMNIT DEAN.

huh, so i really expected sam to get mad at dean for lying to him but i guess he's too swamped by guilt over what he feels like he did.

thought this was nell from hill house for a second. so i guess this must be eve. don't know much about her from fic lol

DEAN Cas. Friggin' child.

--

DEAN Sam, Death didn't just shove your soul back in, okay? He put up the great wall of Sam between you and the things that you don't remember. And trust me when I say that the things you don't know could kill you. That's not a joke.

SAM All right. But I have to set things right. Or what I can, anyway.

DEAN It wasn't you.

SAM You know, I kind of feel like I got slipped the worst mickey of all time...and I woke up to find out that I had burnt the whole city down. And you can say it wasn't me, but...I'm the one with the zippo in my pocket, you know? So I'm not sure it's that cut and dry. And, look, I a-appreciate you trying to protect me. I really do. But I got to fix... What I got to fix. So I need to know what I did.

DEAN But you don't know how dangerous that could be.

SAM What would you do? Right. Same thing.

DEAN Sam...

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #106

(taken january 26th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Did you/Will you attend college? I went three times and ultimately dropped out each time. Sometimes I have the urge to go back, but I just can't; I cannot keep going into deeper debt - with money that isn't even mine - going in and out of school.

Is there a song or artist that you secretly enjoy, but don’t want to enjoy? I don't like a lot of them, but there are Blood on the Dance Floor songs I really like and definitely wish I didn't because those fucks are disgusting.

You’re looking for some new music - what’s your preferred way to discover? YouTube recommendations.

Do you watch a lot of television? Whether that be shows, news, movies etc. Not at all. I especially never watch it alone because I just get bored. I can take a bit of TV when watching it with someone else, though.

Is gun control necessary or no? IT. IS. ABSOLUTELY. MANDATORY. Shit NEEDS to fucking change and I will DIE on this hill.

Are you happy with the political state where you reside? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO

Have you read the book 13 Reasons Why or watched the show? I read and enjoyed the book, but I refuse to watch the show. I just... don't like how it presents things, at least from what I've seen. I really feel like it's a show more so for profit than *actually* caring about mental health/suicidal tendencies and showing empathy. This is just a topic that I feel needs to be handled VERY delicately when it comes to entertainment.

Do you enjoy cleaning or find it to be a chore? I really don't enjoy it. I like the feeling afterwards, but not DOING it...

Books or movies? Books.

Would you ever travel to Africa? That is my DREAM. I want to so, so, so badly one day... Bless my mom, she occasionally looks and checks pricing and hotels sometimes online just out of the dream to get me there one day. It is NOT cheap.

Who last slept in your bed? Me and Roman.

Whose house were you last at? My older sister's. I normally help my mom watch Ash's kids on Fridays.

When was the last time you were high? I've never been high but do want to try an edible one day in a safe environment. I'm not into the idea of smoking anything.

Can you do the splits? No; I couldn't even when I was in dance and occasionally practiced. Yeah, I realistically could've if I practiced MORE, but I didn't.

Does it bother you when girls make duck faces? My brother in Christ, there are immensely more important things to be bothered by than a person making a harmless fucking face lmao

Have you ever met anyone who was overly addicted to a computer game? Maybe? I once was that person, though. It's the reason I'm not interested in trying anymore MMORPGs because WoW once literally dominated my life. I still play it, but it's WAY more manageable now after I took a kinda forced break for around two years, I think.

What do you like to complain about? I don't LIKE complaining about anything, especially when you obsessively worry you're annoying people with it.

Has anyone ever told you that you have a big butt? No, because I never have and I'm very aware of that.

What video game have you played the most? Shadow of the Colossus, probably? Or maybe Spyro games. If you include computer games though, then it is EASILY World of Warcraft.

Are you a bad influence? I know I am in some ways.

Does it matter to you if your significant other drinks? Over my dead and rotting body would I date anyone coming ANYWHERE near being an alcoholic, but drinking every now and again is fine. I honestly am grateful that Girt doesn't drink at all, though. Healthier and safer.

Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? WELL I don't exactly like talking about my scar from my pilonidal cyst removal surgery because that's an awkward place for a scar lmfao

Honestly, if you wanted to get laid right now, could you? No, my mom is here and Girt also is not gonna drive 30 minutes at 7:00 PM to just stay for a very short period of time.

Do you swallow gum when you’re finished? No, my body doesn't let me.

What is your best talent? I'd say writing.

Do you know anyone named Nicole? Yeah, that's actually my younger sister's name.

Have you ever shot an animal? Absofuckinglutely not.

Do you have a couch in your house? We actually have two: one with three cushions and another with two.

Would you like to have a soda machine in your room? No; I'm doing my best to mostly stay away from soda and only have it sparingly so having a machine in my room would be a very bad idea.

Are you a fast or slow reader? I think I read at a moderate pace.

[TW: ABUSE] Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? I am incredibly grateful that I haven't been.

Where do you want to raise your kids? If by some incredibly low chance I do have kids, I'm definitely going to want to raise them in a very nature-y area and teach them to be very involved with it. I'd want my hypothetical kids to love every living thing too, no teaching them to be afraid of snakes and bugs and shit. I mean yeah, let them know what's dangerous and to respect animals' space, but y'know.

Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? Yeah, a large number of times. I like it there.

Have you ever seen a ghost? I think I've seen a spirit of some sort. Maybe more, when you consider my mom or sister got a REALLY weird picture at the beach once of multiple figures that were not there when she held the camera up.

Have you ever burned an ant with a magnifying glass? No, that's very cruel.

Have you ever had an ant farm? Huh... I don't THINK so, but I suppose it's possible I've had one of those kits as a kid. I used to LOVE the tadpole ones.

Do you wish your bf/gf would slow it down some? No, he doesn't rush me into anything.

How many times have you changed a diaper in your life? Once. MAYBE twice.

Has more than one person ever told you they’re in love with you? Yes.

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone? Napped, yeah.

When listening to a song, what do you listen for (lyrics, bass, beat, ect)? Primarily beat.

What is the color of your toothbrush? It's like, white and gray. It's mechanical.

What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? BLACK.

Are you sexually active? I mean my partner and I do sexual things, we just haven't had normal sex itself yet because of privacy reasons, mostly.

Have you ever had any article of clothing tailored? What for? I know at least one prom dress of mine was, and I'm pretty sure my bridesmaid dress was too.

What are two foods you think taste good with whipped cream? I actually really don't like whipped cream. It's a texture thing.

If you eat it, what is your favorite way to eat beef? Burgers.

Did your last significant other have a huge temper? I don't think she had a big temper, her tendency to react very overdramatically was just insane.

If you had to wear bunny ears or cat ears for a day, which would it be? Cat.

Would you rather have a black bunny or a white bunny? Why? Black. Black velvet rex rabbits are absolutely STUNNING.

Do you currently have any cuts or scrapes? I have a mark on the side of my neck that doesn't feel great lmfao

Have you ever had bubble gum stuck in your hair? I suppose it's possible as a kid, but I don't remember a specific occasion.

Is there any pet hair stuck to your clothing? Oh, always. You sign up for that shit when you enter my house, lol.

What is your favorite type of seashell? I like big, complex ones like conch shells. I think that's pretty common.

Have you ever used Proactiv? IIII don't think so? I've never been a massive yogurt person and also that stuff is expensive.

Do you like dirt or sand better? Sand, to LOOK at. Walking in it is actually nearly impossible for me; the last time I visited the beach with Colleen when the effects of muscle atrophy had really set in in my legs, I could very, very barely get through it, and this was years ago. There's no telling how I would handle it now.

Do you own a BEST FRIEND charm or figurine? Like halves of necklaces and bracelets from childhood that I've saved, yeah.

Do you own a pet spider? I FUCKING WISH. :( I honestly need to stop checking Craigslist for tarantulas, I do it a lot just out of the desperate wish of having one, and when I see a bargain, it is SO hard to not ask my mom again. No spiders for me til I move out. :/ She won't even allow jumping spiders.

Are there any fake tattoos on you? No, just real ones.

When’s the last time you saw your grandpa? Mom's dad died when I was a baby, so I have zero memories of him. I've seen Dad's dad I know at least once, but this was also when I was extremely young so I really don't remember him, either... It's something that was always really painful, because he would without fail send my sisters and me WAY too much money on Christmas despite barely knowing us at all. Now he's dead and I will always regret not going with my dad to Michigan when I had the chance. I literally stayed home JUST because of Internet access and that's fucking disgusting and pathetic and sad.

Is there a rocking chair in your house? Yeah, in our living room.

Do you call your animals “baby names”? Well DUH

Have you ever been kicked in the throat? Holy shit no, that sounds AWFUL.

Do you own a fishtank? No, those aren't really my thing. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE looking at them and would even love one myself one day to own an elephant trunk snake, but I just DO NOT like cleaning those fucking things at all so realistically probably will never have one because I'm not gonna get one and then neglect caring for it.

Do you wear ribbons in your hair? No.

Have you ever gone mudding on a fourwheeler? No. I've been on fourwheelers, but never messed around in mud because I don't like getting dirty like that and haven't since I was a child.

What is your favorite flavor Jolly Rancher? I wanna say strawberry? Or was it watermelon? Idk, but I love those.

Have you ever swam in a creek? Not a creek, but I have swum in the shallow banks of a river.

How many nickels are in your possession? I don't think I have any, actually. I don't normally keep change; I know my mom appreciates me giving change I may have to her so she can give coins to the kids to keep in their piggy banks.

When is the last time you wore shorts? I have absolutely ZERO idea. I never, ever, wear shorts. Even when I DID shave my legs I didn't because I just hate my legs.

Have you ever laid on a Tempur-Pedic? I have actually at a mattress store, haha.

What color is the nearest lampshade? It's like a tan color.

How long has it been since you’ve eaten a Reese’s? I uh really don't remember. Maybe not since Christmas?

When is the last time you pet an animal? Earlier today I'm sure, the last time Roman hopped up on the desk. I'm very convinced his favorite hobby is blocking the computer screen from me OR just lying straight down onto the keyboard lmao

[thebigoblin]

1/2 I noticed that the Scott McCall in most Scott stans' fanfics doesn't have any resemblance to the Scott McCall of the show, and he is characterized more closely to canon Stiles than he is to canon Scott. Fanon Scott is basically given all of Stiles', Kira's, Lydia's, Liam's and Derek's character traits, qualities, their traumas, their personality their innate talents, their arc, their empathy, their heroism, their relationship with the other characters, and their role in the story.

2/2 Now, I dislike Scott McCall and think he's the worst character in television history (he and Tyler Posey's shitty acting are the reason I dropped Teen Wolf after Season 3B.) But IF I were his fan, I'd be annoyed as hell by how rare it is to find fics where Scott is actually in character as he was written in canon. And this only proves that no one hates Scott McCall more than his stans

Lol, you basically just said it all. And I think this has been pointed numerous times before in other posts—now, I don't read SM centric fics, but even in the fics he's portrayed as "good" and everything else we were told SM was supposed to be, but wasn't in the show. In short, the canon personality of SM is erased and in its place comes the "puppy" personality, OR he's not in the fics at all. (I'm talking about the fics I read, which are sterek centric, mostly).

Canon!Scott is... complex? Idk how to explain but. I think I really could have tried to like him as a character if he were to ever apologize for his actions, or if anything post S1 hadn't happened. Because, see, in S1 he's just a dumb teenager making dumb choices because he's in love and/or is actually stupid (because we all know scott's the bumbling idiot who becomes important later character, or at least that's how i saw his character). In S2, he's trying to save his "friends" aka Jackson and Lydia, because he doesn't know who the Kanima is but Derek is sure it's one of them. That was fine too. Derek is seeing the bigger picture (wanting to save the lives of those who the Kanima could kill) while Scott is not (he's hell bent on saving his friends. only his friends). But then comes the S2 finale—and even before that, the unnecessary double-cross that we all were supposed to hold in the "OH WOW WHAT A CLEVER TWIST" category. That was not clever, that was fucking stupid. Like, Kate literally burned down eleven people alive, and Gerard is here for revenge. You don't give benefit of the doubt to such people. And he didn't. But the thing is, if he could have conspired against Gerard with Deaton, he could have told Derek, too. And if his hatred was getting in the way, then the least he could have done was feel guilty while he manipulated Derek into trusting him. But he didn't. No, he was getting off on it, the power of making someone trust him while knowing full well he isn't trustworthy for that person (aka Derek).

Ugh. That was the turning point for me. Especially, especially when afterwards, Scott acted all high and fucking mighty and didn't apologize. And the writers made Derek forgive him.

Just. Ugh.

I don't even like thinking about him now. Like, anon, I love that you feel comfortable enough to send me your opinions, but I've recently decided to purge the things that make me feel... so angry and sad all at once. Because there genuinely was potential in SM's character, but the squashed it. And now I hate Scott irrevocably. So, dear anon, please refrain from sending Scott related things to me from now? Please and thank you. You can send me absolutely anything else, Hale family headcanons, Sterek headcanons, etc. but not this. Hope you understand.

[classysassy9791]

Fandom: Inuyasha Genre: Romance/Humor/Fluff Pairing: InuKag Rating: T

Originally written for @inukag-week on tumblr circa 2016, now officially being updated. Its been a hot minute, hasn't it?

For InuKag Week - Day 2: Warmth

Part 1 l

Part 2 Word Count: 2,600

Can also be found on FFN and AO3.

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Kagome couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so hard.

Sometime between the moment she met the arrogant, rude man known as Inuyasha and the three shots she had consumed, they had fallen into a flirtatious banter that she rather enjoyed. Gone was the pompous jerk who had so rudely called her audacious names, replaced by a man who proved to actually be decent company.

No, she hadn't forgotten about their initial meeting, but as she downed another shot of whiskey, she realized she didn't much care. For the first time in months - maybe longer - Kagome found herself enjoying her evening. With her shackles removed and her inhibitions lowered, she relished in the sweet taste of freedom that had been sorely lacking from her life.

"You did not!" she squealed with absurdity in her tone, clamping a hand over her mouth.

Inuyasha chuckled, tilting his glass and giving a half-shrug. "I did," he confessed sheepishly, but not at all ashamed of his actions. "Miroku ran down the dorm hall, completely naked, screaming after me."

Kagome shook her head. "I can honestly say I have never stolen my roommates clothes while they were in the shower. Or pulled any pranks on them, really."

"To be fair," he continued, signaling the bartender for another round. "He actually met his girlfriend that way."

"By running naked down the hallway?"

He nodded. "Knocked her down and stopped to apologize."

"Still want to leave the tab open?" Kouga interrupted.

"Yeah, that's fine." Inuyasha finished off his beer. "Another round of whiskey shots while you're at it."

Flashing Kagome a smile, Kouga took their empty glasses. "You're going to dry me out."

"It's still early," Kagome barbed playfully. "Your bar will last until midnight at the very least."

He chuckled, filling up their shot glasses and handing them another drink. "Oh, thanks. I was afraid I'd have to close up soon."

Leaving with a, "flag me down if you need me," Kouga wandered to the other end of the bar where a busty blonde waved at him.

Typical, Kagome thought sourly. On the one hand, she didn't like the way her thoughts were turning, considering she didn't really know Kouga, and hated grouping him in with the rest of the spineless male population she had become accustomed to - especially since he was a bartender and it was literally his job to tend to the needs of his customers. But on the other hand, she couldn't help but feel bitter about his attention leaving her. Maybe it was because she had so blatantly been deprived of it for so long, that her longing for companionship had been exacerbated ten-fold.

Taking a sip of beer - which she had switched to once they started doing shots - Kagome heard her phone buzz in her purse again; it had already gone off several times during her conversation with Inuyasha. She finally pulled it out and unlocked it, frowning at the array of messages popping up on her screen.

Inuyasha raised a brow at the irritable look that overcame her expression before Kagome sighed and locked her phone. She quickly downed her shot of whiskey, not even bothering to 'cheers' him.

"Everything okay?" Inuyasha questioned, against his better judgement. There was a reason people showed up by themselves at a bar on Friday nights - either to drown their sorrows in whiskey or to find company for a few fleeting, midnight hours.

Kagome pressed her lips together. She didn't come to the bar to talk about her problems. She wasn't some sad case that needed a therapist to pour her drinks. If anything, she wanted to forget about the emotional damage that had been inflicted earlier that day. Her heart had been broken, her ego bruised, and no matter how many times her friends had told her he wasn't worth it, their sympathies didn't make her feel any better.

But, alcohol had a funny habit of turning into truth serum, and she found herself spilling her guts before she could stop herself. "Just my ex-boyfriend - er, fiance - blowing up my phone."

Inuyasha chuckled. "Can't take a hint, huh?"

Kagome shrugged with a bitter smile. "I mean, he broke off the engagement. Not sure why he can't follow through with his decision."

She had expected sympathy, perhaps even empathy. That's what most people offered in a situation like this, when they didn't know what to say or how to react. But Kagome was caught off-guard by Inuyasha's next question.

"How long were you together?"

Kagome eyed him curiously, his honey gaze hiding a wealth of understanding. "Five years," she answered him, twirling a strand of her dark hair around her finger. "Planned our life together, put a ring on it, and even booked the venue. But… I suppose he got cold feet a long time ago."

"His loss. What kind of bastard would put someone through that?"

She hummed thoughtfully, but didn't answer. It wasn't in her best interest to start talking about the past now, and she would rather take the spotlight off of herself all together. "What about you?" she asked her barstool companion as she took another sip of beer. "Any lucky ladies in your life?"

Inuyasha chuckled mirthlessly. "Nah, not anymore."

Kagome arched a brow. "Dare I ask?"

"Not much to tell. Her career and ambitions drove a wedge between us, and she decided they were more important than me. Simple as that."

"Sounds high maintenance."

He grinned. "Something like that. I mean, she knew what she wanted and didn't care what stood in her way. Even me."

Kagome felt an ache beneath her breast for the man beside her. She knew the pain of rejection very well. "Put out in the rain just like a dog. Doesn't that bother you?" she asked, tilting her head.

He frowned at her choice of words, and Kagome knew she may have touched a nerve then, but the alcohol had stripped her of her filter apparently.

"Well, I guess we're all damaged somehow," he replied with a shrug.

She scrunched her nose. "That's a bit thoughtless."

"What can I say? Shit happens. Get over it."

And then Kagome suddenly remembered the arrogant, rude, condescending jerk she had met when she had sat down at the bar earlier in the night. She narrowed her eyes. "Why are you such an ass?"

Inuyasha smirked while bringing his beer to his lips. "You are what you eat?"

Kagome let loose a growl of frustration. She had only known him for a short time, but she had quickly learned that Inuyasha was the most infuriating human being on the planet! "Your immaturity is revolting," she stated matter-of-factly, waving down Kouga for another shot of whiskey. She was definitely not drunk enough to deal with the way the conversation had turned.

"I'm not known for my friendly disposition."

Kagome glared at the man sitting next to her. "Is it fun being a jerk to me? Does it satisfy you?"

Inuyasha chuckled. "Actually, it is pretty entertaining."

She rolled her eyes. "You know, Inuyasha. You can hide behind that fake bravado all you want, but I know you're just a big softie underneath."

"Keh," he grumbled, finishing off his beer.

Kagome threw him a glare. "What? No witty repartee?"

He set down his empty glass with a little more force than usual, grabbing Kagome's attention. "I know your type, wench," he snapped, his amber eyes boring into hers. "I know exactly the kind of person you are; all high and mighty, acting as if you're better than everyone else. You think you can show someone how great life can be and how fantastic it is if I would just try. Well, sorry to break it to you, sweetheart, but not everyone is worth saving, all right?"

His words left Kagome stunned into silence for a brief moment. How did their witty banter only a few minutes ago turn into this? This… This denied anger and unadulterated cynicism had Kagome reeling, her thoughts turning to what exactly had penetrated Inuyasha's life so completely that he had such a negative outlook on such.

She pursed her lips. "How much do you think you're worth?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "Like twenty bucks. Or two twinkies." He grinned at his own comment, but Kagome didn't find it very funny.

If anything, Kagome felt pity for him. No matter how bleak her life became, she always managed to find the good in it. If a person couldn't do that… Well, that was a pretty sad way to live. "As much as I would love to hear you divulge all of your secrets, this is a great song and I feel like dancing."

"Look, wench," Inuyasha barked out, his anger palpable. "I'm not looking for your validation. I'm pretty fucking happy with my life of dirty pennies and whiskey bottles. We don't all need to be Barbie."

She looked over at him, the low dim of the bar lights shining off his silver hair, and found she could only nurse one wounded heart at a time. "I just wanted you to leave tonight and think the world is a little less horrible than you thought."

"Hey, pretty lady," Kouga greeted as he appeared at the perfect time with another shot of whiskey for her and a full beer, stealing her full attention away from Inuyasha.

Kagome immediately downed the shot and chased it with her beer, ready to forget half of the night and lose herself in the music pounding through the speakers. As the evening wore on, the bar became busier, and the DJ had started up a round of tunes that had half the customers on the dance floor.

Kouga watched her curiously, arching a brow. "You alright there?"

"Dance with me?" she called over the bass pounding through the speakers. Oh yes, it was now the time of the night in which she had no qualms for asking for what she wanted.

He chuckled and glanced over at the other bartenders who appeared to have things under control. "You can steal me for a few minutes."

Kagome grinned and giggled like a school girl, leaving Inuyasha behind without delay. Kouga met her at the end of the bar and took her hand in his as she pulled him out onto the dance floor.

Some upbeat dance music blasted through the speakers. Kagome moved and swayed through the bodies crowding near the DJ, the vibrations of the music becoming part of her energy, raising her up several levels at once. Gone were her heartbroken wallows and the biting arrogance of her barstool companion. Her mind buzzed with pure joy. She moved in her dress like her hips were made to sway, the black sequins catching the disco ball that twirled above, causing her to glitter on the dance floor.

Kouga pulled her close, his strong hand pressed against the small of her back, his chiseled chest pressed against hers. She ran her fingers through her messy hair and pulled it to the side, feeling the beat of the music pound with each beat of her heart. Bodies pressed in tighter all around them. Kagome felt the part of her that was really her come out to play, to feel the vibe of the music and let her body go free.

"You're beautiful," Kouga's voice whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

His lips looked soft and very kissable, and Kagome knew her decision-making skills were indeed hindered by the alcohol that buzzed through her veins. And then his attention was caught by something else, his royal blue eyes pulling from hers to the outskirts of the dance floor. He said something to her, attempting to shout above the music, but his words were swallowed up by the electric beat that kept her entranced.

Kagome felt his hands slip from around her waist and he disappeared into the crowd. She didn't bother to follow, her hands playing with her hair, her hips moving to the music as she lost herself within it. This was what her heartbroken soul had fiercely needed; a night to forget all the troubles of the day.

Large, meaty hands found her waist, but they were unfamiliar and too warm to the touch. Kagome felt a warm flush find her cheeks as she gazed up to meet a stranger's hazy stare. He pulled her in close - too close - and even in her alcohol-ridden mind, she felt mild panic begin like sparks in her abdomen.

She tried to push him away, first gently and then forcefully, pretending to laugh at his behavior. "Thanks for the dance, but I need some fresh air."

"C'me on, baby," he slurred, pulling her tighter to his sweaty frame, his hot breath rolling over her skin. "We just met. Let's dance s'me more."

Kagome frowned. "I said no." Before she could stomp on his foot and fight her way out of the throng of dancers, the man was forcefully pulled away from her. They became separated by another man, one with very familiar silver hair who had his back to her. She didn't hear the words exchanged, but whatever was said was enough to send the man scampering off to the other side of the bar.

Inuyasha turned around, his piercing honey eyes studying her expression, before his hand gently wrapped around her waist. His grip on her wasn't strong like Kouga's, or possessive like the stranger. Inuyasha's hand was warm against the small of her back, and the anxiety she felt moments ago melted away.

"You okay?" he asked, swaying his hips in tune with hers as they continued to dance to the beat of the music.

She grinned up at him. "Were you worried about me, jerk?"

"Keh," he grumbled, his lips pulling into a smirk. "I despise you more than any other human I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. You're loud and wild and apparently have no sense of self-preservation. You also act like you have the mental capacity of a five year old."

"Are you flirting with me?" she barbed in return.

"Maybe."

His hand found the back of her neck, his fingers finding purchase in her hair, his hips grinding against hers. Warmth pooled into the pit of her stomach, his breath caressing her skin, and she moved her lips to find his.

Kagome barely had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of her lips and delved inside her mouth. It was a very sloppy kiss with the strong scent of beer being exchanged between their billowing breaths. Her arm reached up and tangled around his strong neck. She pulled away and arched up into his broad chest, letting a moan escape in the contact of body heat against her own, before she drew back into his lips.

She could nearly taste the slight bitterness of the beer as it rolled off her tongue and seeped down her throat with every push of his tongue against hers. The kiss coupled with the beer and whiskey humming through her system obliterated every thought. For the first time that day, her mind was locked into the present. Her usual concerns for her life were suspended, and she had no wish for the kiss to end.

But as the music changed, they pulled apart. Inuyasha's skin shimmered with sweat and his amber eyes flecked with gold held her gaze. The beat of the music consumed them under the crazy neon lights, and Kagome felt alive during a night that was still so young.

[ocalaghan]

I juuuuust finished watching Shameless (US) which I started... less than 6 months ago, I think? And I just. Have so many thoughts.

That show was crazy. It's been on my list for years and I've seen various emosh clips of it on Tumblr from its very early days but I finally began watching it when I did because @agaytoremembr told me to and boy oh boy.

I started out really loving it but it gradually got worse (read as: the characters' stories were bullshit 80% of the time) and then Fiona left and it officially sucked. She really made the whole show and after she left, all of the Gallaghers somehow started to suck more so the last season in particular was a struggle (and I also watched Shameless: Hall Of Shame just because I hate myself apparently). The finale ended on such a garbage note. I realise it was meant to be a parallel to the opening scene of the pilot but it just... sucked. Sometimes parallels don't hit that emotional nail on the head and this was one of those times. I also really didn't need it to be a COVID season, we have enough of that in real life and none of them even donned their masks properly when they were meant to so what was the point of including them at all?

I was happy they mentioned Fiona in the finale but I feel like it wasn't enough. It was Frank that mentioned her and I think the siblings should have also talked about her, or mentioned calling her, or just something. Instead of, you know, seemingly forgetting she existed. She's their sister and they loved her so that was fucking annoying. But then again, we rarely saw good sibling interaction/intertwined plotlines towards the end between any of them. It was like they were all housemates that mildly tolerated one another. Which was... stupid? The whole point of the show is about that family banding together through thick and thin lmfao.

Overall I'm glad I watched it but very disappointed with how much the entire plot for nearly every character went in the toilet at the end. Character development? We don't know her.

Don't get me started on the plot-holes either, I don't have it in me. Their ages and birthdays almost sent me into an early fucking grave, never mind everything else.

Anyway there were so many characters over the course of the show sooooooo I have to word-vomit my feelings on all of them obviously. I'll start with the Gallagher family and then other characters.

FRANK & MONICA

Wild. Terrible selfish parents, obviously. Was kind of sad that Monica died, especially right beside Frank. She was a bad mother but I totally did not expect her to die. Frank, on the other hand, I was friggin' desperate for him to just bite the dust already by season three. PLEASE SIR. JUST DIE. FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY. I get that his antics were supposed to be funny and ridiculous but I hated watching the majority of his storylines - they were either stupid, annoying, disgusting, or just downright depressing. Truly an awful father, truly hated that many scenes of his seemed to try and evoke empathy for him from viewers. NO. NO THANK-YOU. I did feel sorry for him at the end though, it's a rough way to die. I felt like the way his story closed out was fitting but they could've made his demise over the final season so much more emotional (the way the kids found out about his alcoholic dementia, for example). We didn't even see them read his suicide note (which actually was also really shit and just insulting so maybe that's fine) or find out about his actual death which I think would've been important to show, considering they all joked about wanting him to be dead, so like... actually seeing those complicated emotions play out would've been a great closing chapter IMO.

SAMMI & CHUCKIE (& QUEENIE)

Sammi was literally one of the most annoying female characters to ever stumble onto my television screen and I HATED her after a while. I wanted someone to fully beat her ass. I hate her more than I hate Rachel Berry from Glee and that's a lot. But it still bugged me when she faded into the background and stopped being mentioned. No idea how long her prison sentence was meant to be but I assume she eventually gets out and learns about Frank's death? Can't really see her having much contact with her half-siblings unless she comes out of prison with a major attitude adjustment. It's probably a good thing Chuckie was living with his grandmother. Queenie seemed ever so slightly less deranged. I did feel a bit sorry for Chuckie though, and maybe it'd be nice if he got to know the Gallagher side of his family some day? I feel like he and Carl could be good friends lmao.

FIONA

Fiona Gallagher supremacy. I loved her from day one and it baffles me that there are watchers that hate her. HOW CAN U HATE HER. PROTECT HER. SHE DESERVES EVERYTHING GOOD. She was diverse and loveable and relatable and I felt closer to her when she got an abortion too because I don't see a lot of shows where it's an adult woman that chooses to do that (instead of a high schooler). I just loved her and her arc was so good. I wasn't even sad that she left because I wanted her to get out of Chicago and do something great with her life, but God did the show suffer when she went lol. The last couple of seasons would've been much better with her presence but at least with her not there, I can picture her living a great life in Florida, having a good job and a nice place, staying in touch with her siblings and Kev and V obviously... getting into a healthy relationship, finally? And I think this is probably an unpopular opinion but I was rooting for her and JimmySteve. I mean, he was a compulsive liar, but I was also rooting for him to stop doing that. So in my head they are endgame but in a healthy way lmao.

Side-note, Fiona's Hall Of Shame episode was craaaazy. I feel like she would never go on a reality dating show but all of the other episodes for this companion series were canon so that must be too. And I am pretending her new Florida pals were the ones that put her up to this. Because it does feel very un-Fiona, or at least the Southside Fiona that we knew.

LIP

I loveloveloved Lip at the start of the show and then the last few seasons, he just pissed me off most of the time. They did him so dirty. I like to think he makes something of himself but the fact everything was hung up on a question mark as to whether he would cope financially and job-wise, and whether he and Tami would keep their possible second baby was just so... ANNOYING. No answers, just straight-up ended the show on a weird cliffhanger for so many of the characters. I will say, I am delighted he did find a way to sell the house after all even if it was for less money, because then he can tell Debbie to suck it.

IAN

I thought I was going to like Ian a lot at the beginning but I never fully warmed up to him... partly because he was gonna be in the army or whatever it was. Some of his opinions and overall attitude just bothered me and I didn't like him a lot of the time, and he was a dick to Fiona CONSTANTLY over nothing, but I also wanted to see him do good things? It's a Complex Relationship(tm). Anyway, I hate that he and Mickey were endgame. I feel like the majority of the fandom loves them together? But I fucking hate it. They had passion but they were not healthy for one another. The implication is they remain happy on the West Side and end up adopting some stray infant or two eventually so I guess that works out but ugh. Also, a real swing and a miss that the show reveals Ian's biological father is actually one of Frank's brothers... and then that just never gets explored. Missed opportunity, IMO. I like to think maybe Ian decides to get to know Clayton after Frank's death and maybe even has a decent father/son relationship with someone for once.

DEBBIE (& FRANNY)

Girl bye. I fucking hate this one almost as much as Sammi and Frank. Actually maybe more than Frank. Debbie had so much potential to be a fantastic, feminist, cool character and they just fucked her up so badly. What was with giving her a 20-year-old boyfriend when she was barely a teenager and then making her accidentally rape him? What a weird fucking plotline??? And then everything she did after that was just insane or fucking stupid. She's a terrible mother even though she thinks she's not and I feel bad for Franny. She's a terrible sister too, especially to Fiona. And randomly had her be extremely homophobic over her whole crisis about thinking she caught AIDS when she slept with a gay man which was the most bizarre addition to that plotline. They tried to appoint her as the head of the family and be Fiona 2.0 after Fiona left but she was always a bratty bitch so it didn't really work. I thought she and Sandy would be endgame (and that made me feel bad for Sandy because I actually liked her) and then at the last second they brought in a random ex-con that invites Debbie across the country to do some criminal shit and let her daughter tag along AND DEBBIE WAS CONSIDERING IT??? WHAT. W H A T. Awful mother, just Monica all over again except with excess mommy issues and less drugs. Her story ended so much worse than I could've imagined. I sincerely hope she does not stay together with Heidi and just... you know, has a total personality makeover and gets together with someone fucking normal that she isn't a dick to for a change. And if she's so desperate for Franny to have a big family, she can man-trap a few more random guys. audisghiijkof[dgj I just hate Debbie.

hate hate hate, double-hate, LOATHE ENTIRELY

CARL

I hated him at the start because he was a weird little bastard who also abused animals and it was just...? And then he got older and somehow did not turn into a serial killer and actually started being nice to animals (interesting turnaround that never got mentioned) but he also wanted to do army shit and I was just thinking great, another flag-shagger like his big bro. AND THEN HE WANTED TO JOIN THE POLICE. WHY. THIS CHILD SHOULD NOT HAVE A GUN. His story seemed to be going well in the final season where he was having this whole revelation that cops ain't shit and I thought he was gonna quit and make a big statement but then he just... didn't. AND THAT GIRL THAT RAPED HIM ACTUALLY DID GET PREGNANT WITH HIS KID? AND THE SHOW JUST GLOSSED OVER THAT? And apparently his future is for him to buy the Alibi with his co-worker and make it a cop bar? So garbage. I figure he's probably gonna get in touch with what's-her-face about their illegally conceived child but I don't have much other hopes for Carl. The writers did him mega dirty too. Not to mention, he already has two kids wandering around in the world from that time Frank literally stole his own son's sperm. HIS LIFE IS SO FUCKED UP.

LIAM

Liam was one of the best Gallaghers for years because he was a baby and did not speak. And then he got old enough to have proper plots and the writers had him "struggling with his identity as a young Black man in a white family" but it really... came to nothing? It didn't feel like that plot achieved anything for him personally, they just sort of... fucked around with his character because it seemed like they did not know what to do with him re: his huge age gap from the other siblings. And also, that opens up a massive can of worms because Liam is meant to be Frank's biological son, meaning ALL of the Gallagher kids are canonically mixed race regardless. Which was... a choice from the writers' room, I gotta say. Not a good one. Not a good one. But whatever. Liam was meant to be under the care of Fiona until he turned 18 which was conveniently forgotten about when Fiona left and I honestly think they should have had Liam leave with her because that just... would've saved some really boring, stupid plotlines from almost ruining his character. But they didn't so... whatever. I do like that Liam is going to live with Lip, Tami, and Fred. And their potential second child. That's a cute, satisfactory ending for him, at least. I also liked that Frank's "Ghost of Gallagher Future" was Liam in his Hall of Shame episode because we got a little snippet of how Liam's life will turn out as an adult, and in his own words, he's doing well for himself, and so are the other siblings. So I liked that too, knowing there's a little look into their future and it's bright despite everything.

And now, other characters. Fuck, there were so many.

KEVIN & VERONICA

LOVE THEM. LOVE THEM SO MUCH. They kept the show bearable after Fiona left. I loved their ending. Was really happy that they were moving somewhere close to V's mom and her brother-nephew Dominic and her other family, and obviously other Black people that V could relate to. Happy lil life with their daughters. Obviously I like to think Fiona will always keep in touch with them. Their storyline as a couple was the only one I was super happy with at the end lmao. Though personally I would've liked to see more of Kev visiting Dominic or like... mentioning that he was visiting Dominic or showing him having days out with Amy and Gemma. Like, yeah, it might be a weird dynamic because Kevin is his dad-uncle and Amy and Gemma are both half-sisters and cousins to him but it's very on par with what Shameless is like and Kev isn't the type to just abandon his son. So I would've liked to see more of that, but I also imagine they all become closer as a family by living right next to each other in this new chapter of their lives anyway.

CLYDE YOUENS

I liked Youens a lot! And I liked he and Lip's relationship. Probably the best father/son-type relationship Lip was ever going to get. I was genuinely gutted when Youens died, I wanted better for him and Lip needed him. Sad. But I loved that Lip named his son in honour of him.

JIMMYSTEVE

As stated, I loved JimmySteve. Hope he's good and less of an asshole. I do think he's a good person at heart. JimmySteve stans, where u at?

MANDY MILKOVICH

Remember her? Wild. I never much liked her, and she was kind of a psychopath, but also hope she's fine and doing better than when we last saw her getting out of an abusive relationship.

MICKEY MILKOVICH

Hated him to start with, then was kind of indifferent because he became the comedy relief of the show. He was funny and it was a nice change-up from all the drama; he does have some great one-liners that I genuinely laughed out loud at. But he was still dumb and racist and full of internalised homophobia by the time the finale came around and I feel like he and Ian are just not a good couple and the character development was just not there BUT WHATEVER. I feel like I may be burned at the Shameless stake for saying any of that because I cannot find anyone else on Tumblr that doesn't like him/doesn't ship him and Ian.

SANDY MILKOVICH

I loved Sandy and I'm glad she and Debbie broke up because Debbie is shit and Sandy deserves nice things. I hope one day she's maybe able to have a relationship with her son but overall I just liked her a lot and I think the writers did her dirty with having her just... break up with Debbie and leave. Like what was the point in her? She had potential. Her relationship with Debbie had potential, if Debbie didn't suck obviously.

SVETLANA YEVGENIVNA (& YEVGENY)

I both liked and disliked Svetlana. She had some bad takes but overall I really enjoyed her character, and the wild polyamorous relationship that she, Kev, and V had for a while. I guess we never really know 100% that Yevgeny is Mickey's son and then he never gets mentioned again after Svetlana remarries so... that's kind of annoying. It was laughable in the finale listening to Ian tell Mickey he would be a good dad. DID YOU FORGET YOU ALREADY HAD A SON? WHERE IS HE? If we know anything about Svetlana, though, she's gonna hustle and provide for her kid lmao.

SHEILA JACKSON (& KAREN... & JODY & HYMIE)

Sheila was the best. I kept hoping she would come back onto the show but it wasn't to be. I loved that she finally said fuck Frank and drove off in her big-ass RV to see the world like she wanted. I assume she ends up in Arizona so she can be close to Karen, Jody and Hymie (and I'm just gonna assume Karen and Jody got back together even though their relationship was really fucking weird from the get-go). I enjoyed the Jackson family's antics and I think Sheila was up there as a character I missed the most after she left. Second to darling Fiona obviously.

TAMI TAMIETTI

Is it not child abuse to name your daughter Tami if your last name is already Tamietti? Anyway, didn't like Tami to start with. She was another character that had a shitty attitude/bad takes that didn't seem to match the rest of her personality sometimes? But by the end of the show, she was probably one of the characters I liked the most. She had actual common sense and I wanted to bop Lip for her so many times. She was a good mom and I enjoyed her a lot and would still bop Lip for her no questions asked. Manz is dumb.

BRAD YOUNG (& CAMI)

As above, Cami Tamietti? Wtf. Anyway, I liked Brad, I liked his friendship with Lip. Glad that he's happy with his little family with Cami, but they're nothing on the baes Kev and V obviously.

ETHEL & MALIK (& JONAH & TAMIKA)

Ethel was a really interesting character and it always made me really sad she didn't get shown to get back in touch with Kevin and Veronica. So I like to think she and Malik are a happy little family with their kids and that she reaches out to Kev and V one day, 'cause I really think that would make Kevin in particular so happy to know how she and Jonah are doing, and to have a relationship with them all again.

TONY MARKOVICH

Remember Tony? I almost didn't until I was looking at a list of Shameless characters. I was most amused to find he ended up being gay sooooo wherever he's at, I hope he's thriving since he obviously got over Fiona lmao. It would've been kinda cool if he popped back up when Carl was entering the police force?

TREVOR

Would die for Trevor. Hope he's happy as can be. Ian missed out by screwing him over and I'll die on that hill.

That's all the significant characters that I really gave a shit about that I can think of.

THE PLOTS THEY SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN

This has been plaguing my brain for the entire final two seasons so now I gotta write down how I think their storylines should have went throughout the show. I don't care enough about it to turn it into fic, I just want to get it out my head.

So, I present, the storylines that EYE think should have happened instead of the trash that actually did happen.

FRANK

As much as I would've loved for him to die WAY SOONER, I guess the show and all their trauma and dramatic scenes wouldn't be as impactful without Frank there. Soooo his story can remain pretty much the same, have him die in the finale, but just... make the final season more painful! The way they all find out about his dementia, the way he dies! Make it hurt! He was the worst father but he was still their dad and they had some good times so it's gonna be a lot of mixed, painful emotions. SHOW THAT SHIT.

And also, don't make his actual cause of death be COVID. No COVID season!

I haven't thought it all through but just... a more harrowing storyline to play out for the family relating to Frank's ultimate demise.

FIONA

I don't know that I would change much about Fiona's plot... maybe less focus on the men in her life because she was always jumping from one relationship to another that always ended in tears and it didn't seem to serve her progression in any way. And less of her siblings treating her like straight-up trash.

Like I said before, I would've loved to see her and JimmySteve work out but I don't know if I necessarily needed to see this on screen? I don't know.

LIP

Okay. So, he has an affair with his professor (honestly she was a freak ew), he gets kicked out, he becomes an alcoholic, Youens gets him into rehab, that can all remain canon. He gets into fixing bikes as a hobby, meets Brad, meets Tami (earlier in the storyline, and maybe a slightly nicer version because they really had her acting like a whole bitch at the start and not in a fun way). BUT Lip was not only smart, he actually liked learning and thriving academically. And that college admissions dude way back in s1 or whatever told him don't get some girl knocked up and blah blah... and the writers have exactly that scenario happen to him. It's bullshit.

So, in my eyes, his goal would be to ultimately get back into college. Not only for himself but maybe for Youens too because he looked up to him. He spends a year or two fixing up bikes, volunteering, trying to make himself look like a respectable member of the community (with difficulties for Good Television(tm) because it's the Southside and he's a Gallagher). And he shows his college that he's done the work and that he'd like another chance, he can manage his anger, etc. And voila, he goes to college, completes a business degree or something that would open a lot of doors for him.

And in his final season, he's graduated and been offered a prestigious internship a couple of states over. So he and Tami are preparing to move. It's bittersweet and he's back and forth about it because he doesn't want to leave his siblings. But, then he mentions that he had a phonecall with Fiona (because she deserved to be more involved in the finale, let's be real) and that's what ultimately helps him realise he would be dumb not to take the internship. Then maybe a little line between Lip and Tami about how maybe they'll get married in a few years and have kids after he makes "lots of money." And they laugh and Lip's like, "Yeah, I'll give being a dad a go, can't be any worse than Frank." And they mention that they like the name Freddie - just so he gets a little mention since he ain't gonna be born during the run of the show lmao.

Ta-da, Lip's story makes more sense now.

IAN

I feel like it would be fine for everything in his life to remain canon up until he goes to prison (maybe add in some more outrage over his adult boss fucking him as a teenager though cos that was heavy creepy and nobody seemed super fussed about it).

I honestly think Mickey going to Mexico or wherever he ran away to should've been his exit from the show. So, that happens, bye Mickey.

Ian does the whole Gay Jesus episode, sure, but ultimately doesn't go to jail because he was, I don't know, off his meds at the time and it was a mental breakdown and he had a decent lawyer to plead that case (funded by savings from Trevor, which makes Ian realise Trevor really cares about him, because it was a chunk of the money that Trevor had squirrelled away in case he wanted to get bottom surgery at some point).

So Ian spends some time in the psych ward, has some community service hours, gets back on his medication and he's dandy.

Maybe Trevor keeps his distance during all of this because it's a Lot but Ian realises he's in love with him and ultimately strives to get him back.

They get back together, Ian's a little lost for a while personally because there's still residual online fame (and hate) from Gay Jesus and he doesn't know what he wants to do. I think it would've been ideal for him to then try to get his paramedic job back, or something similar (working in a care home? idk) because he enjoyed helping people and he was good at it. So he does that, feels more satisfied career-wise.

Ian's final season could have revolved somewhat around him deciding to connect with his biological father, Clayton Gallagher. Maybe this causes some tension and hurt feelings among his siblings because he actually ends up getting along really well with Clayton and it's healthy and the others don't have that with Frank. It all ends up working out, maybe Clayton says he would like to make more effort with his nieces and nephews too, whatever. Maybe this has the potential for a painful scene with Frank because he comes over and Clayton is there and Frank is confused and thinks Clayton is their father, and there's yelling and it's sad.

Ian's finale could involve him and Trevor planning to move in together, and Ian proposes to him, yaaaay. Gotta get a proposal in there since there won't be a queer wedding.

DEBBIE

Alright. Debbie's story, I would make completely different.

Starting with her not accidentally raping her adult boyfriend when she was a child and not man-trapping her age-appropriate boyfriend when she was also a child.

I'm gonna say she does get pregnant by accident while still at school and wants to keep it BUT. BUT. After her talks with Fiona and finding out Fiona is pregnant too, ultimately decides they should indeed get abortions together and it's nice and they bond. None of the bullshit pro-life idiot nonsense that actually happened.

So she graduates school with promising grades, and goes to her welding degree thingy (bring in plots about her feminism and fighting for equality in the workplace/class/overall desired profession). Starts having a sexuality crisis and thinks she might be a lesbian, and Ian is actually supportive towards her (unlike the canon (((((: but anyway) but he brings up that bisexuality is valid too.

So at age 19 or so, Debbie tries dating a man one more time to see how it goes. They have sex, it's fine, but she ultimately decides she doesn't really like it and decides she likes women only and that is that.

ENTER SANDY.

Now, side-note, Sandy coming in could create drama for Ian and Trevor because Ian asks if she knows how her cousin Mickey is doing and Trevor gets jealous/concerned about this, just as a sub-plot for an episode or two.

Anyway, Sandy and Debbie fall for each other really quickly, it's going great, Debbie's really happy despite being surprised she's fallen for a Milkovich. THEN, gasp, she realises she is pregnant from her date with that man and she considers aborting again but realises she can't go through with it a second time. Maybe the scene of her finding out ends with her calling Fiona and going, "Fiona, I'm pregnant again." And later mentioning to someone, "My sister really calmed me down and we talked about another abortion but I just can't do it again." Because, again, I want it shown that Fiona is still involved in their lives and loves them (and that they love and turn to her in times of need).

Anyway, it's a whole panic, she thinks Sandy will leave her (and in my timeline, Sandy isn't married with a kid of her own), and she doesn't know what might happen with welding school. But Sandy is actually really happy and says they will make it work. Debbie tells the father, maybe there's some drama there because he asks for a paternity test but ultimately ends up being supportive and says he will be involved.

In the canon timeline, Debbie seemed to name her daughter after Frank because he was the only one who was supportive of her pregnancy. This time around, so that Franny can keep her name, let's say it's because she goes into labour in the finale and gives birth shortly before Frank dies. So Debbie names her daughter Frances 'Franny' Fiona Gallagher.

Maybe she and Sandy already live together by this point because they wanted their own place before the baby came, and Debbie's worked it out with school somehow.

TA-DA. A much more likeable Debbie.

CARL

Carl... I don't know, man. I would probably change almost everything about Carl's personality because wtf but just so I'm not entirely redoing his character from day one, let's his say his life pans out pretty much the same (maybe minus the animal abuse bc I am a big baby, and minus Frank STEALING HIS SPERM AND MAKING ACTUAL BABIES WITH IT). Except, in his final season, he's on this journey of realising cops ain't shit (and let's also say, to get around a plot-hole, that he's on, like, a junior training course that allows young people the chance to potentially become officers when they're of age). And he realises he doesn't want to be a cop any more because it's kinda bullshit, but he wanted to do it for a long time so he's struggling with just walking away. AND THIS IS WHERE TONY COULD COME IN. Carl talks to Fiona on the phone about it and Fiona suggests he ask Tony why he became a cop because Tony was one of the few nice ones. So Carl tracks down Tony and it turns out Tony's not a cop any more either so that conversation plus seeing more racial injustice and a shitty attitude towards poor people from his co-workers has Carl feeling really down about his career choice. Maybe he sees one of his superiors cussing out a young Black boy on the Southside that reminds him of Liam and Carl steps in, enraged, and that solidifies his decision to quit. And his final episode is him like... getting involved in local community work and an organisation for minorities, and maybe he gets advice from Trevor and it links into what Trevor does, so they're gonna cross paths frequently in their jobs. And in the process of selling the Gallagher home, Carl's not sure where he's gonna live and Trevor and Ian invite him to live with them. Or Debbie and Sandy. One of them.

LIAM

Liam should've went with Fiona when she moved away to Florida. She was still his legal guardian, it would've made sense, and it would've saved Liam from some really ridic plots in the final seasons. However... even if Fiona couldn't come back for the finale, maybe they could've had Liam back visiting and he gets into some funny antics. I don't know.

And then I haven't really thought through the final scene or where Frank's death would fit in or anything but I thought it would be entertaining and fitting if, right after they manage to sell the house, there's an accident and it goes up in flames. Still parallels the first episode but it's a climactic end, they all are devastated at first and then find it really funny. Maybe Frank's body is inside! Who knows! They FaceTime Fiona to show her and it's just a lot of yelling and laughing and there's no insulting Frank voiceover.

And just... obviously more sibling interaction and love throughout all of this. That's what I needed to see!!!

I'm done now.

[heresathreebee]

That G-D Ring of Yours

High Fidelity’s Robyn Brooks X Female reader

Summary: You seek comfort from your neighbor Rob

Masterlist

There's probably gonna be a part 2

Word count: 2.5k words

Warning(s): +15 | implied cheating, internalized homophobia, heterosexism, author and Rob swearing, no hate to polyamorists but major hate to bad faith players, shameless self insert, no beta, barely edited, long as fuck I'm so sorry

Author's note: I'm having anxiety for no discernable reason and my brain has decided this is ideal fuel for a fic, so please enjoy. EDIT: ha ha yeah still anxious but we're doing stuff about it

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"-- And she just touched my hand by accident and I just felt this–  this spark between us…" 

It was so sweet how he was talking about it. Or at least it would be were this not your fiancé explaining how he had been seeing another person behind your back. Had you rushed into things with him? Gotten hitched after three months because of familial pressure to settle down and start your family? Quite possibly.

But it didn't make that stabbing in your gut hurt any less. 

You had been a little gung-ho from date number 1, but he had been right there with you the whole time. Date number 2 happened the following weekend and then you just kept seeing each other more and more until before you knew it you had been introduced to each other's extended families and announced your engagement on Valentine's Day. 

You started to suspect something was amiss on Sunday, when you were braiding your hair on the bed and he had gone to take a shower. He accidentally set his phone screen aside with a text chat still open. Thinking nothing of it (he had already told you he was talking to Mark about getting drinks tonight), you looked at the name and saw it belonged to a woman you had never heard of before. Your immediate reaction was 'she must be a new coworker or a cousin,' but then you glanced again and saw the text conversation mirrored the same kind of ‘sentiments’ he texts you. 

The dirt burned into your brain for eternity: 

You had looked away then. You were actually not going to say anything at all to him that night– had planned to bring it up after Tuesday dinner with your auntie's family, but something came up. It turns out that Jessabelle also frequented the same Starbucks as you (and she's your age, not a teen like you worried). You can't even find it in you to be mad at her since it seemed like she had no idea who you were when she showed you the picture of her date at a baseball game. You tried not to puke as you asked for her number and to send her that picture "for her contact profile." 

You hadn't heard a word your fiance had said since the beginning of the phone call and you cut him off with some excuse you barely remember. You tossed your phone carelessly onto the couch and laid back on the cushions in defeat. What now? 

You weren't really a drinker or a smoker, and you didn't exactly have friends who would be supportive right now. You could hear them now, your family too– asking you what you did wrong, telling you to just forgive him or how to get even, or simply saying 'well what do you expect? Boys will be boys.' 

Maybe… no, you definitely need to get this off your chest before you do something stupid like pretend to forget about it. You had a bad habit of that because you tend to fall fast and hard. Perhaps your neighbor could give you some advice. 

Thank the Lord for fire escapes. Rob lived on the floor beneath you, always playing something good from her huge collection of vinyl records. You've told her at least a hundred times before if she played nothing but Phil Collins for the rest of eternity, you could die happy. You crossed your fingers and hoped you weren't being weird or invading her privacy. 

Thankfully, she seemed to be expecting you. She even motioned that the latch was undone and waved you inside. Ok the second wine glass made your face grow hot. 

"I'm not interrupting am I?" 

Rob gave you a warm smile. "I could hear you pacing around your kitchen for about an hour. Was about to come and get you actually." 

She pressed the glass into your hand and you made an effort not to grimace. Rob liked her drinks cheap and strong and she never held back. You tried a sip just to be polite, and she snorted at the face you pulled. 

"That's right, you like that sweet stuff. What's it called again?" 

"Stella Rosa," you mumbled, grateful when she takes the glass back and hands you a water to replace it. 

"Favorite flavor," she asked looking at her phone. 

"Uh… the peach and the rosé. They're all pretty good, not gonna lie." 

"OK, take this, grab a blanket from the hall closet, and tell me what's going on." 

You curled up on Rob's couch and put your feet up. There were piles of records all over the place, empty beer cans and a pizza box or two on the coffee table. Your neighbor tapped away at her phone screen before silencing it and slipping it in her back pocket. She gave you a minute or two to speak up, sipping her drink like you two had all night. Which actually you did as you did not want to see your fiancé right now. 

You felt two fingers gently tap your forehead. "Come on, dreamer, tell me what's going on in that head of yours." 

You swallow the lump in your throat. "I feel a little over dramatic saying my life is about to fall apart." 

Rob raised her eyebrows at you. "Damn, OK." 

You rush to correct yourself– explain your weird sentiment in more detail but you end up just vomiting words until your voice is hoarse. 

"I mean– like– like it's not falling apart per say or whatever– I… the rest of my life is fine its just my relationship that's screwed. Which I guess I'm more worried about because it's gonna screw up all my other relationships for a while too– dang it, let me start over–" 

"Babe! Slow down. Breathe." Rob switched drinks with you and against your better judgement you took a sip. Oddly enough it did calm you down. "So… it's your fiancé, right? What did he do?" 

You stared at her trying to unscramble your thoughts. "He… I found out he was kind of... dating another person. After I found out, he tried to explain that he didn't think I would mind–" 

Rob barked, "let me guess: he didn't think you were exclusive? Pull the Main Chick, Side Chick schtick? Tried to claim 'polyamory' after he got caught?" 

Two and two clicked together at last. "Yeah… yeah, he did!," you scoffed, "and it's not like it didn't ever come up in conversation: we spent our third date talking out our, like, sexualities and fantasies and fetishes and shit. If he was polyamorous, wh- why wouldn't he have brought it up then?" 

"That is so fucked." 

You took a deeper draft of her wine, coughing before setting it aside. Up until now, you've been numb. Now there's this wave of anger boiling up to the surface and you hear yourself getting louder. Rob doesn't flinch but she does give you this look of empathy unlike anything you've seen before. 

"If he– if he would have just asked me, I would have told him it was fine. My family does shit like that all the time: nobody bats an eye! If he really thought I wouldn't mind, he wouldn't have been so freaking sneaky about it. He literally lied, Robyn!" 

You whipped around and for a brief moment you knew you looked crazy. "He said he was going out for drinks with his guy friend, but he was making plans to go to a baseball game with a girl I've never heard of! If he really thought I wouldn't mind, or if he 'thought I would understand,' then why would go out of his way to lie about who he was with?" 

Someone buzzed Rob's door and she left you on the couch momentarily, coming back quickly with two bottles of your favorite wine. "Damn girl, these are kinda bougie: Peach or Rosé?" 

"I--"you choked, "Robyn you didn't have to–" 

"Peach it is!" She unscrewed the caps and handed you the whole freaking bottle of white, downing the last of her merlot and getting a fresh glass for you. 

You felt a little guilty she had spent money on you. But then again it had been her choice. If she didn't want you there, Rob wouldn't have let you in in the first place. Maybe you were just a tinsy bit worried you shouldn't be here. 

You and Rob took a break from talking to put on music and get a little tipsy. It came much easier with the help of the Stella Rosa, though Rob initially complained it was 5.5%, she did get accustomed to the sweetness pretty fast, and after consuming half the bottle, realized it was a little easier to get carried away with a drink like this. She admitted it was her first time trying rosé and now she was hooked. Eventually you started talking again, just spilling your guts out with no filter anymore. 

"I really think I just hate myself," you said cuddling the cool glassware. "When I found out, I wasn't even thinking of it as a betrayal of my trust– it felt like I was trying to come to terms with it so I could continue with the relationship. Not because it would make me happy but because… I don't know… it's what everybody else wants me to do. They don't even know about it and I was fully prepared not to tell them even though they'd want me to marry him whether they knew or not." 

Rob barked a laugh of surprise. "Doh-K!" 

"What?" 

"Nothing, nothing…" she said, "keep going." 

You stared off into the middle distance and leaned into her side. She was a tiny bit warm despite her lithe figure. Made you want to throw your blanket over her shoulders and share your greater warmth. 

So you did (you're not great at acting out your desires but this is nice!)

"It's just easier," the words left your mouth unbidden, "I don't even know what that means, but it's true. I don't want to marry him anymore but I don't want to break it off. Not marrying Fiancé means disappointing my family. It means having to find an entire new man to marry sooner rather than later because I'm already 'behind' and lowering my already low expectations. 

"It's not gonna make me happy, but I just think it's easier to keep this wedding going because at least I won't have to find somebody new who might not be as good for me just because I didn't want him. Another man won't make me happy so there's no reason to drop him... except that I don't want him." 

Rob's brow furrowed. "Are you saying it's easier for you to please your family than it is to be happy?" 

"Yes? I– no, I– … I don't know," you sigh. "I guess you could say my priorities are a little… mismanaged." 

"Sure, you could say that." Rob wrapped her arms around your shoulders and you inhaled the scent of her soap and cigarettes. "What if you tried… like… not doing that anymore...? You just said you do whatever your family wants you to do. So, just like do what makes you happy for a change." 

It really does sound so simple the way she puts it, doesn't it? Why are you doing this to yourself? You're not dependent on them for money or security or happiness for that matter. So... why has your whole life been centered around pleasing them? 

"I think… I think I've never really sat down and thought about what makes me happy," you admitted. "I think it's just been that way forever and I might have been too scared to try anything else." 

Rob hummed. "Are you still scared now?" 

Are you? You look into her eyes and ask yourself a question that has never crossed your mind with such depth. You used to be scared– but what is it about your happiness that you are so afraid of? OK, let’s start a little simpler: what are things that make you happy? 

“I like…” you swallowed, trying to break down the barriers you’ve built years and years ago. “I like… coffee. I like… short skirts. I like… girls– I like… my job. I like… music. I think I’d enjoy camping, you know, some day…” 

Your words… these things seemed so arbitrary and trivial. But in your house, these things cause dissent. “My family has an opinion about everything. There’s no right way to live in all of their eyes, but I think I figured out a way to get past it. Keep my head down and do what’s expected of me. Graduate college, get a respectable job, find a man to marry, drop the job and become a mother. Just… don’t make waves. It seemed better because the cousins who didn’t or couldn’t… well they became the butt of every joke at the family dinner. Lisa had one miscarriage so she was a ‘failure’ and Don never dated girls so he was gay and that was ‘bad,’ but grandma Zelda did everything a good Christian woman could do and they still gossiped about her behind her back… 

“And I just… I just let their ignorance control me for my entire life.” God, you could cry right now, but somehow it just felt too good to say it outloud. “That.. that is so fucked.” 

Robyn snorted, and you turned to her as if you’d forgotten she was there. There it was again, that sympathy. Not pity, she did not burden you with tears of her own or try to be angry for you. She just listened and understood. You twisted the diamond encrusted ring on your finger and stared at her. You felt it, that feeling in your heart. No one else had given you that look, like she could really see you. 

“You’re not going back to Fiancé, are you?” Her question was equal parts worrisome and hopeful and you already knew the answer in your heart. 

“No.”

And that was it. Decision made. Actually easier than you'd thought. Maybe not down the road but it felt good for now. There's the telling your fiancé it's over, the moving out, the public announcement, the inevitable feeling of failure, your family, god, his family too. Untangling your lives would be long and hard. You're not sure if you have that level of commitment and motivation in you but fuck it. Problems for tomorrow.

You rest your head on Rob's shoulder and hope your not pushing any boundaries. She doesn't stop you though, in fact she snuggles you deeper into her. You get the feeling she's been here before though your not sure which side or how bad it was for her.

"I like you way more in the few times I've met you than any man I've ever dated," you heard yourself say. "I'm sure that means something but I'm too tired to decide anymore. No tonight at least."

Rob chuckled. "I like you too, sugar."

If you made it this far, hi 💛 appreciate you, leave me a comment! Or just comment "💛"

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Seventy-Nine

Words: 4.1k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, explicit sexual situations, substance abuse, mentions of assault

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I hum along to the Christmas music softly playing over the speakers of the grocery store as I walk down the aisles, pushing my buggy, looking at the different types of cereal. 

Nikki doesn't like sweet cereals aside from Captain Crunch, so I just grab a box of it before heading to grab toilet paper and paper towels, along with some eggs, and head to the checkout line, my attention stalling on a tabloid on display. 

"Nikki Sixx & Vanity: Their 'Friendship' Timeline," it reads, a picture of Vanity and Nikki plastered on the front...I exhale sharply.

I can't believe it's been four months since Vanity aired out their dirty laundry on TV. 

That means Duff and I have been together for three and a half months...

I'm quickly backing up and walking to the sexual health section, examining the many brands of pregnancy tests. 

I grab the cheapest and go back to the line. 

"I told them not to put those out," my cashier states to me when it's my turn, as she sees me give another glance to the magazine with my husband and his mistress on the front.

When she gets to the pregnancy test, she clears her throat. 

"Celebratory or...?" She asks, swiping the test. 

I pretend I don't hear her. 

I shut my trunk, my arms wrapped around grocery bags as I step to the front door, of the house, the sun setting through the neighborhood, and I sigh heavily as I grab my key. 

I haven't been home in a couple days, avoiding Nikki as much as I can, but I know we need groceries in the house and I know he hasn't left to get any, and even though I'm done with him, I don't want him to starve or something. 

Opening the front door, the house is a wreck just from a glance, and I quietly shut the door in case he's asleep, and head to the kitchen.

I quickly stop in my tracks when I see through the dim light, coming from the single lamp in the foyer, figures moving in the living room, a light littering of giggles flittering through the air…

I turn the lights on, nearly dropping the groceries to see eight girls in lingerie, girls at least in their late teens, piled on Nikki—and Steven—lips swollen from making out with each other and euphoric glows casting over all of them. 

I'm at a loss for words. 

Nikki and Steven just look at me, Steven looking like a guilty kid. 

"Is that your wife?" One of the girls straddling Nikki asks, looking at me, wide eyed. 

"Ex-wife." I correct her. 

This is where the story tends to get misconstrued. If you ask Nikki or Steven what happened, they'll tell you it went down like this…

"Vivian put the fuckin' gun down!" Nikki yells at me as I hold his shotgun, the girls screaming and scattering like roaches while he and Steven run to the backyard as I pump a bullet into the chamber and fire off, missing them by a couple inches as our wall by the back door is blown to hell, chasing after them and emptying the gun in our backyard whilst trying to shoot them. 

What actually happened…

"Get out of my house." I tell the girls harshly and they look at me, pissy. 

"If I want them here, they can be here." Nikki argues. 

"They're babies, Nikki!" I shout, and the girls all defensively simultaneously let out their ages, ranging between 18 to 20, but I honestly don't see how some of them are over 17. "Then let me see your ID." I tell them. 

"We came to hook up, we didn't come to get interrogated." One of them states. 

"Okay, well, you've had your fifteen minutes with Nikki Sixx so you can get out of my house." I repeat.

"Fuck off!" She exclaims to me and I raise my brows. 

Fuck it. 

I go to our bedroom and grab what I need, and I don't give anybody a warning before firing off shotgun shrapnel into our glass ceiling, shards of mirror raining down as I hear the girls holler and cry out in fear, scampering to the door in their heels, and once the gun is unloaded, I look in the living room and see fluffy black and blonde hair peek up from behind the couch, their eyes bugging, pupils taking up most of their eye.

When the cops showed up, I said I accidentally fired into the ceiling while trying to clean the gun. They were fans of Nikki so they didn't give us a fine for public disturbance, and they didn't ask why eight girls were in our lawn in lingerie, either.

"I cannot believe you." I grit through my teeth when Steven blocks my entrance into their rehearsal studio, his heavy panting clouding the words trying to come from his mouth. "Did you run here?!" I exclaim and he nods, still trying to catch his breath, still trying to get his apology out that I can't even hear because he's talking but not saying a word due to his breathing. "Moron." I hiss, shoving him out of my way to get inside. 

"Viv, wait!" He musters out, following me. 

"Fuck you!" I shout. 

"Vivian, please, let me—" he gasps for breath some more. 

"—I hope you're having an asthma attack or something, I really do, dumbass, I really do." I march away from him and he grabs my wrist, a pathetic look on his face. 

"Look—"

"—No, you 'look,' I refuse to be the little bitch that just lays on her back and let's everybody fuck her to hell with their bullshit. It's gross and it's disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself for even being apart of it, Steven, because I thought you wouldn't do that shit to me. Just 'haha it's so hot to do stupid shit that'll hurt Vivian,'" I mock his voice, and he tries to talk again, "No, just shut up and go suck on Nikki's balls some more because I don't think those teenage girls did it enough!" I turn on my heel go to find the guys. 

"You're not mad about their age, you're mad Nikki didn't give a fuck." He gets out, taking deep breaths and I stop and turn to look at him, rolling my jaw. "You're jealous, and you know you are, and it's okay and normal to be, Viv, I know you still—"

"—Know I still what, Steven? Hmm? Love him?" I furrow my brows, stepping to him, my heels clicking on the floor when I get face to face to him, our nose nearly touching, my voice shaking with anger as I say, "He could die tomorrow and I wouldn't give a single fuck because he's been dead to me for months. And as of right now, you are to. So don't come at with me trying to strike up some empathy for a person I feel absolutely apathetic about." I sneer quietly, turning. "And stay away from teenagers. I don't care if they're eighteen or nineteen, they're still fucking kids."

I grind my teeth together as I leave him standing in the hallway before I try to go into the girls bathroom, only for it to be locked. 

"Damn it." I mumble, holding back tears, glancing at the door of the boys bathroom. 

Without shit given, I open the door and walk in, seeing Izzy standing over the toilet, cigarette in his mouth, peeing. 

He glances over his shoulder and looks at me. 

"Viv." He says the best he can, smoke puffing past his lips. 

"Izzy." I reply, sitting my purse on the sink, digging through it. "Sorry, the girls bathroom was taken." I mumble. 

"No problem." He replies. "Not like you haven't seen it before." He adds and I roll my eyes. 

"Unfortunately." I sigh out, grabbing the box with the pregnancy test in it. "Hurry up, please." 

He looks at me to say something smart back, but looks at the box and his face falls. 

"Jesus fuck, Viv, what do you have that for?" He asks me. 

"Okay, I know you went to high school in Indiana and their version of Sex Education was just ways to stick your dick in a pickup truck's tail pipe without getting carbon monoxide poisoning, but when a man and woman have sex, they have a risk of procreation." I tell him. 

"With Duff? " He asks me with a confused face. 

"No, I got Bret Michaels and Willie Nelson to cum in a cup and I mixed it together and went from there." I sarcastically hiss.

"Fuck you, smart ass, I was asking a legitimate question." He zips his pants back up and steps aside for me. 

"Yes, with Duff. I haven't had sex with Nikki in months." I tell him. 

"Sorry, I didn't know if you were doing them both or what." He shrugs and I glare at him. 

"No. I'm not." I inform him, pulling my dress up and my panties down. 

"Okay, that's my cue." He says, turning away from me, in reference to my naked bottom half. 

"Not like you haven't seen it before." I repeat what he said earlier and he chuckles, going to open the door. "You're leaving?" I ask him, quickly, and he looks at me.

"Yeah?"

"I need support." I tell him, honestly sounding scared and he leans his head back and rubs his eyes. 

"Vivian, babe, I can just go get Duff—"

"—No, no, he doesn't need to know I even think I'm pregnant." I state, panicked. "Look, it'll take a few minutes but I can't wait for the result by myself, it'll drive me up the wall." I plead with him. 

"Well, what if you are pregnant, are you gonna tell him, then?" 

"I-I don't know." I admit. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there just, please, stay in here with me."

He lets out a heavy breath before nodding, rubbing his forehead. 

"Alright, alright. Just piss on the stick because I'm missing rehearsal for this." 

It was an agonizing wait, but once Izzy glanced at his watch and said, "alright, it's been long enough," I felt like it had only been a few seconds. 

"Maybe we should a wait a little bit more." I suggest.

"Viv, it's been ten minutes. You already put it off once before, come on, now. Cowgirl up." He tells me. 

"Okay." I breathe out, anxious, rubbing my lips together and shakily reaching for the test before quickly snatching away. "I can't do it." I say to him, shaking my head. "You look at it and tell me." 

"Vivian—"

"—Please?" I beg, giving him my best puppy dog eyes and he lets out a breath and reaches for the test, looking at it, nodding a little. 

"Well, Stripey, we're at the bridge, how're you gonna cross it?" He asks me, handing me the test, and I see a perfectly shaped "+" on it. 

I started to panic, and think irrationally, as I do when I'm backed into a corner. So in my panicked state, the best thing I saw for me to do, was...

"You are fucking insane." He tells me sharply, leaning against the sink. "Like evil insane." 

"Izzy, I don't know what else to do aside from just get rid of it or hope and pray I miscarry, and that's kinda fucked." I explain, holding back tears. 

"You want to fuck Nikki and just play it off as his—that's more fucked up than praying the damn thing away!" He whipser yells. "And what about Duff? What the hell happens to him when you pull that shit?" 

"I don't know, Izzy, alright? But he doesn't need a kid to worry about when he's just starting to get a taste of what he's wanted for years, now, and I don't want to—"

"—He's going to be fucked up with the idea of you still screwing Nikki when he's under the impression that you two are gonna be this magical little fairytale of unicorns and sparkles and love and shit, Vivian!" 

"I know, but I don't know what else to do!" I reply in the same tone. 

"Oh, my God." Izzy exhales smoke from his fresh cigarette. "You can't tell me this shit. You shouldn't have even let me know about this because now I'm a fucking accomplice to your batshit crazy scheme." He scolds me. 

"Izzy—"

"—You are the fucking devil, Vivian. Axl was right. You are the actual devil." 

"Well, you tell me what to do, Izzy, because that's the only thing I can come up with!" 

"Why does it matter if the child is Nikki's or not, you two are getting divorced anyway, so why does it matter if it's somebody else's?" He questions, and I stay quiet. "You are filing for divorce, right?" 

More silence. 

"Oh. My. God."

"Izz—"

"—Will you quit incriminating me with you when you do stupid shit?!" He lets out, slightly panicking. "Now im gonna be fucked sideways if they find out I knew and never said anythi--why the fuck were you even screwing Duff if you weren't a thousand percent sure you were gonna leave Nikki?!" 

"Because I thought I was but no—"

"—Izz, you alright?!" 

"Duff." Izzy  mouths to me. "Shhhit." 

"Answer him." I mouth back. 

"Yeah, man, I'm good...just really, um, fucked on that pizza from earlier!" He lies as I shove the pregnancy test box back in my purse along with the test, and zip it up. 

"Okay, dude, just making sure!" Duff replies, the sound of him walking away letting us know the coast is clear. 

Just to make sure Izzy sticks his head out of the door, and glances at me. 

"Go," he motions and I do. "Last door on the left of that hall." He adds and I go in that direction, opening the door and seeing Axl, Duff, Slash and even Steven has joined them. 

"Hey," Duff's face lights up when he sees me, and be puts his bass down as I walk to him. 

He wraps an arm around my waist and leans in, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. 

"Hi," I smile when he pulls away, looking into his eyes, while I can see Izzy staring at me from the corner of my eye, taking a drink from his cup with this look on his face like I've just killed his best friend. 

I honestly might if I'm not careful. 

Once their rehearsal is over, it's around 5:00pm, and my stomach is killing me. 

"Can we get food?" I ask him, my hand in his as we step to the parkinglot. 

"No, I'm just gonna let you starve." He sarcastically lets out and I cut my eyes up at him. "Where do you wanna eat?" He asks next, letting my hand go so he can grab his pack of Marlboros and settle one between his lips, lighting it, before grabbing my hand again. 

"I don't know." I shrug. 

"I thought you said you're hungry." He says next. 

"I am—that doesn't mean I know what I want to eat." I add and he just looks at me. 

"Do you want a burger?" He suggests and I wrinkle my nose. "Okay...chicken?" Again, I don't look pleased. "Dennys?"

"That's fine with me." I nod. 

"Thank God." He sighs. "My car or yours?" He asks next. 

"Doesn't matter." I tell him. 

"Alright, we'll take mine." He says, stepping to the passenger side, opening the door for me without a second thought. 

"Aww," Slash says as he comes out of the building, teasing Duff from behind his shades and his own cigarette. 

Duff just smiles and flips him off, walking to the driver's side. 

"I'll see you later tonight, man!" Slash calls. 

"Alright!" Duff says back, shutting the door, fumbling for his keys to put them into the ignition. 

"You guys are going out tonight?" I ask him as he cranks the car. 

"Yeah, you can come." He offers and I shake my head a little. 

"Um, I was actually gonna go visit with Sharise and Skylar for a few hours, tonight." I tell him. 

(Pt. 79 CONT.)

[lettersnorth]

The Truce

Music Theme

The card had shown up in a stack of mail the barkeep at the Drowning Wench had been holding for her. Blank except for a large white circle of paint in the center. The sight of it had caused her steps to falter, bringing her to a halt on her way out of the Lominsian alehouse. She was not so far removed from her life in Ul'dah that she did not recognize it for what it was. A truce card. There was only one person who could have sent this. 

Aislinn's initial instinct was to toss it over the first railing she came to, let the wind carry it to the ocean far below. Her stomach roiled with pent up anger. Sterling did not make truces. And even if he did he had sent bounty hunters straight to her door, flushing her out like a rabbit from its den. What reason could he possibly have to suddenly call for a truce? Whatever this was, she couldn't take it at face value. 

And yet, she didn't toss it that sun. Nor the next. She kept it with her, the knowledge of its existence like an irritating splinter in her mind. Aislinn didn't like things she couldn't make sense of and this was a puzzle to her. A part of her knew that's likely just what he wanted. He knew that in the end she'd be unable to ignore it purely because it made no sense. And damn him to Seven Hells, he was right. A fortnight later, much against her better judgement, she sent a card back with a date, time and a meeting place. 

This was how she found herself sitting at one of the well-worn tables of the Drowning Wench one gray, stormy evening. She’d chosen the Wench because it was sure to be crowded. Usually, she hated crowds but now she was depending on the many eyes to work in her favor, insuring Sterling wouldn't try anything drastic. And though it was raining heavily outside, the weather did little to keep the steady stream of patrons away from the Lominsan establishment. Leaning back in her chair, her fingers fidgeted with the truce card, turning it over and over in her lap as she watched a nearby table of sailors slowly slide into pleasant inebriation, the growing pile of cups at their table marking the time just as well as hands on a clock. 

“Aislinn.” 

She looked up from her people watching to find Sterling standing next to one of the empty chairs at her table. 

The room was crowded, that was true. And a hum and chatter of noise fell over everything but not so much that she couldn’t pick out the stiffness with which he greeted her. Over the years she had enough time to learn almost every one of his shifts in tone and their meaning. This one told her this meeting had not been his idea. He was there grudgingly, just as she was. Interesting. 

Wordlessly, she motioned to the empty chair. 

His icy gaze swept over the sparse tabletop. “Not drinking?” 

“This isn’t a social call.” she replied evenly, placing the card on the table. “I’d like my wits about me.” 

He snorted as if conceding to her point and after shaking the last bit of rain from his black traveling coat, took a seat. “All things considered, you look well.” 

“Come off it.” she shot back, all her practiced calm evaporating in the flare of her anger before she could help it. “‘All things considered’ being the mercenaries you’ve been sending my way.” 

He reached into his coat and retrieved a hand rolled cigarette, checking to be sure it was still dry before he reached out and lit it off the small candle at the center of the table. All of this was done with all the languid motions of someone who hardly seemed apologetic for his actions. 

“And yet, you look fine.” he said, bringing the cigarette to his lips with a slow smile, liking that he had disrupted her calm so easily. 

Not willing to play games, she slid the card closer to him and got right to the point. “What is this?” 

There was a narrowing around his eyes, a tightness that again told her he loathed the sight of the card and all it represented. 

“A fucking mistake, if you ask me and yet, here we are.” he said, his words forming around the cigarette. With a sigh, he breathed out a plume of smoke and smoothed a hand over the dark hair of his closely shorn head. “The cartel has a problem.” 

Her eyes widened slightly, her form absolutely still in the wake of his reply, the tension radiating from her in waves. After an airless moment, she seemed to come back to life, pushing herself back into her chair as if distancing herself could help her escape his words. “Too bad for the cartel. Don’t see how that has anything to do with me.” 

He huffed as if agreeing but pressed on. “Then let me continue. Everything was fine until a few moons back. Business as usual. But then, this new product shows up on the street.” he shrugged one shoulder, pulling the cigarette from his mouth to breathe out another lungful of smoke. “Normally, I don’t care one way or another what people decide to go for, we’ve all got to have our vices but this shite…” he shook his head, looking off across the crowded bar, his gaze going distant. Aislinn watched the slip of his mask with all the cautious interest one afforded a rattler in the desert. “This shite messes people up good. Plenty of them don’t come back from it. We can’t have that. Say what you will, our stuff will show you a good time, sure. But what good would it be if we kept knocking off our customers?” 

“I still don’t see what this has to do with me.” 

“We don’t know where this garbage is coming from. We can’t even find out which of our rivals is making it. Not without poking our noses where they’ll be seen and sparking some sort of war. And no one has time for that shite. We’re here to do business.” 

Business. At the end of the day that’s what it always came back to for Sterling. How would some action or event affect the health of the business. At least he was still reliable in that regard. She crossed her arms defensively over her chest as she put the pieces together. 

“So you want-”

“Not me. The cartel.” he interrupted with a razor edged smile that was anything but friendly. 

“So, the cartel wants me to go poking my nose around in its stead. Why, on the Twelve’s green Eorzea, would I do anything so stupid? This still doesn’t sound like my problem.” 

He shook his head. “Maybe not. But I can tell you the people getting hooked on this new product are mostly refugees. You cut ties and run like there’s no tomorrow but surely you remember your own people?” he jabbed. Then, almost reluctantly, he dipped a hand into his coat and withdrew a folded piece of parchment. “But, if that’s not enough, this is a show of good faith from the cartel.” he ground out as if the very words were being pulled from him against his will. 

She warily stared at the parchment a moment after he slid across the table to her. Finally, she reached  out for it, carefully unfolding it. Its contents causing her heart to jolt suddenly and wildly against the bars of her ribcage. She let the paper drop from her fingers lest the shaking in her hands give her away. 

“This is a recission of my warrant.” she choked out.

“I know what the fuck it is.” he growled. "I know what favors we had to call in. I know who we had to bribe. I know how much gil we had to pay. I know all of it. That's a bloody expensive piece of paper. All of which should tell you how badly the lieutenants want this new drug gone. As far as Ul'dah is concerned, you're a godsdamned upright citizen."

She didn't bother to retort that's exactly what she was everywhere, ever since she had managed to leave that viper pit of a city behind. Her lungs seemed to be filled with shards of glass, each inhalation hurt. She felt his sharp gaze on her, and knew he saw every twitch, every move that gave her away.

"I am also supposed to convey the cartel's apologies concerning the earlier behavior of their agent. Me. I was acting outside their knowledge." Sterling spat, somehow turning the apology into a curse.

She stared at him, almost dumbfounded by the words. The cartel had very clearly put him on a leash. She found she had no pity for whatever they had done to bring him to this moment, though she could guess it had been terrible. Staring down at the paper once more, she considered all he had told her. She well remembered what the life of a refugee had been like. How hopeless it had seemed at times, how desperate, how some days she was almost certain she would never crawl her way out, that the gnawing hunger and the flea-ridden, one room hovel would be the rest of her existence. She couldn't begrudge anyone looking for an escape from that life, no matter how short lived. But if what Sterling said was remotely true, this new drug was far more dangerous than a simple escape.

Nymeia's blood, was she actually considering stepping foot back in Ul'dah? 

"I need to think about this." She said quietly. 

"Of course you do." He sighed, dropping his hand heavily to the table. "Anybody ever tell you, you think too much? We just want to know where the hells this drug is coming from. That's it. -If- you're so inclined to help out, we got word an alchemist recently showed up injured at some bleeding heart's clinic on the outskirts of the city, where the refugees camp. We think the chemist knows something about the drug. Again, we can't go poking our noses around without drawing attention. But you can."

"Some bleeding heart?" She said, needing clarification. For Sterling, anyone with a drop of empathy in their veins was a bleeding heart.

Sterling shrugged. "Healer type that works around the warrens. Ask around." He pushed back from the table and rose from his seat in one, smooth motion. "Decide quickly. I can't go back without an answer one way or another."

She tipped her head back to look up at him, the flat expression on her face conveying how very little she cared about the fact he might have to wait around a bit. 

For a moment he looked as though he might say something but then, he shook his head sharply and simply walked away.