#so! I’m being That Person on my own post instead and hoping the artist doesn’t see this but.

[blaithnne]

Local big sister experiences emotions, more at 6

Been wanting to do one of these with Lauren for AGES, but I never got round to it. Then I saw the Lydia and Phinium expression sheets on @littledigits’ website and I felt inspiration like never before.

The funniest struggle I have with Lauren’s design right now is that she nose too big for she got damn face. Literally, Hilda characters noses take up a fairly small portion of their faces, and her’s took up WAY too much, leaving little room for her to make facial expressions. But I struggled to find a fix because when I made the nose smaller it just didn’t look like Lauren anymore, so I took this as an opportunity to work on that!

She still has a larger nose than most characters, starting higher up (like her grandad!) and ending lower down (but not quite as low as before). I also made her eyes a little smaller and with a shape similar to Lydia’s (though you can see in some of these I hadn’t quite landed on that yet and her eyes are a bit too big), which works both as a nod to her parentage and because I think it makes the nose look bigger. This still doesn’t leave as much room for the mouth as most other characters, but that’s okay — Lauren is a very private person who keeps her feelings close to her chest, I think it works for her to have subtler expressions, adds to how guarded she is! Oh and I also updated the shape of her hair slightly, just to make it a bit more style accurate.

These changes are pretty small on their own, but I think combined they work well to make Lauren feel a lot more…alive? Far less stiff, anyway. I think she also has a more unique facial structure now, instead of just “what if Johanna was 90% nose”. She’s still got a big old nose and I love it but now she can emote, yay!

This is really all just concept stuff, I’m hoping to get a new fullbody style-ref for Lauren out soon! Now that I’ve improved the main issues I had with her face in the last ref, now it’s onto the silhouette! I want her to read as more of a strong character (though it comes across decently in her current ref, I wanna push it more without being as exaggerated as Ahlberg, which is. A challenge for me lol), streamline her silhouette, and finally make her taller than Johanna like she’s always meant to have been <3 I made her shorter for so long because I thought it would help her read better as her daughter but you know what? That’s dumb actually, she’s tall.

ANYWAYS, thank you for listening in on the annual Lauren redesign, and to the artists behind the show for posting so much amazing inspiring show stopping concept work for free because it makes my autism worse /pos

[bloobydabloob]

Any tips on getting better at realism? I've been drawing very cartoony works forever but I really want to branch out and draw more realistically and hone that style but Everytime I try it never feels human 😔

Suuuure. Sorry it’s fairly long, answer under the split thing.

I’d say mainly just practice drawing from reference first. Before I started doing any sort of more abstractive or non referential realism, I spent time practicing with maybe 20 or 30 paintings from reference.

Here are just some that I made during that time. I think they really really helped me to learn the principles of painting appealing realism, different kinds of people, color, skin, lighting, and anatomy.

In terms of actually drawing realism (whether from reference or not) I think the most important tip I can give, as well as the most overlooked ironally, is stylisation. Most realism that I see doesn’t connect at all with me which I think is maybe what you’re talking about when you say your portraiture doesn’t “feel human”.

Learning to draw realism in my eyes is largely about learning how to shortcut every single thing you can. So instead of drawing everything exactly how it is using an image, learn how to stylise realism in your own way. I find that if you don’t find a way to simplify the process, it can end up being A : Busy and B : hard for you to create more realistic images from imagination or from real life instead of photographs.

Here is a 40 minute drawing I just drew from a random photo I pulled off Pinterest + small explanation on what helps me to break down an image. I simplify realistic portraiture by adopting somewhat of an angular style, but the best realism / semi realism artists I know of draw realism using their own stylisation methods.

I also personally find that it helps to start by blocking in instead of sketching with lines, but I understand that this is a personal preference and might not work for you.

I also say this for everything but there is no “cheating” in art and anyone who tells you there is fundamentally doesn’t know anything about drawing, especially in the learning process. Cheat if you want. Use grids to plot where things will be, colorpick, trace, liquify, transform, whatever. Although I do also recommend that you only use this as a way to learn and don’t rely on it as a crutch, it helps a lot to be able to draw independently of all of these factors. But I learned to draw partially *by* being a kid who traced and colorpicked and fucked around. Who cares

This applies to everything too but just practice a lot. I’m too embarrassed to show but when I first starting drawing semi realistic art without reference it fucking sucked. Like *really* fucking sucked because I am extremely extremely faceblind and I mean that. It takes me 3 seasons of a show to recognise an actor’s face. But because I’ve drawn hundreds of faces now I know what I’m doing kind of. I also never post any realism art immediately because oftentimes if I don’t look at it for a day or two, I’ll come back to it and notice that something doesn’t look quite right. I would say that definitely helps.

ALSO very important but look at it from far away or a little version. I always look at my drawing in the digital navigator on FA and it helps me to notice when something looks dumb.

Anyways hope this helped at all… lalala. I don’t know man. Don’t take my words as bible I’m just some guy and I am also not a professional and realism is definitely not my strong suit. Tutorials are bullshit and if you think any of this advice sucks for you then don’t take it and forge your own path. Bless

[avenananana]

Hi, love. You don’t have to post this because I know you probably don’t want to add to any “drama”, but I wanted to send you some love. I’m sorry that you are being accused of tracing, especially from someone that you admire. I have followed you from your early beginning, and I have seen just how much your art has changed and blossomed over time. You are a terrific artist and I really hope this doesn’t discourage you from continuing your art. I draw from time to time too, and I also look to other artists for inspiration. I’m sorry this is all coming back on you. I love you and your art and I hope that you’re able to get rest ❤️

Thank you for kind words and thank you all in comments for mental support. I really needed it back then.

Honestly it hit me like a truck and I needed almost a week after that situation to get myself together. I didn’t respond on all the comments because I preferred to shut up for a while instead of talking nonsense under the strong emotions influence. I’ll be honest with you, I wanted to quit everything I’ve done here. But the dark thoughts are finally gone thanks to you all and my better half who gave me a proper reasonable motivation speech haha.

Sadly it had an impact on me somehow. I stopped enjoying their art like I used to. I don’t know, I’ve always felt so excited about it, every piece of art I’ve been watching very closely and now I somehow feel… guilty, empty? I can’t find the right words but, you know, it doesn’t work for me anymore. I may be kinda paranoid but I’m that kind of person who takes almost everything too seriously. Despite it all, I’m grateful because their art helped me a lot in my own progress.

Anyhoo I’ll keep doing my art because it gives me joy. And nothing motivates me more than you all do :)

[sadnightforus]

RINGING YOUR LINE  (CTY)

ex-turned-bf!taeyang x gn!reader 

SYNOPSIS: The breakup was almost a year ago, but he still can’t forget you. It’s very much expressed through the song he produces and posted out of impulse, secretly hoping that you’ll listen to it. 

WORD COUNT: 3K.

WARNINGS: hinting that the reader is a cold person (even though they’re not), one cuss word. In the song, the artist uses the she/her pronouns but the reader’s gender is never specified. Not much tbh but it can be a bit emotionally draining. Mentioning Shota as the MVP friend (thx q 💪🏻). 

INSPIRED BY: LESSON (โค้ชลงเล่น) BY YUNGTARR.

A/N: well…. I’m not so proud of writing these short stories instead of working on the ones for my series but my brain is not working. Also I deeply apologize if the translated lyrics are not correct. I use google translate for it. 

reblogs, comments and likes are appreciated!

 In the dimming room of a small studio room, there sits Taeyang, whose headphone is glued to his ears while his eyes cannot tear itself away from a folder that has only one song in there. 

 He is hesitating, rather more anxious than anything combined as he clicks on google, then looks at the opening tab, displaying his YouTube channel with over 360K subscribers on the site of YouTube studio. 

 He knows it’ll be a bad idea, a terrible idea even. His mind screams at him to not do it, but the need of expressing his honest feelings is eating him up. 

 Normally, when his friends ask him how he has been doing, he’ll simply answer with the usual ‘I’m fine.’ but he knows he’s far from being okay. The breakup with you has been hard, even though it was a mutual agreement that you guys are better off not being partners and parted ways on neutral terms that is. Everyday since then, he feels like he doesn’t want to live anymore because he regrets that decision so much. 

 He should’ve stopped you. 

 Just like how he should’ve stopped himself from uploading the new song onto the YouTube channel where you can obviously see that. Heck, he thinks you’d think he’s weird for still being unable to get over you. 

 But too late for that as the new video ‘THEO - Ringin’ Ur Line (Official Audio)’ being posted and he just sighs in defeat, realizing that he makes such a fool of himself with the way he didn’t think of making the video unlisted or even private before it uploads onto the account. 

 And at the same time, you’re mindlessly scrolling through some apps when you see a notification from the channel called ‘THEO’ uploading a new song pops up on the screen. As much as you pretend not to care, you click onto it, ready to get your heartbroken, knowing that he most likely will never mention or even talk about you in his songs. 

 Who would get over someone who makes music and especially a catchy one anyway? 

 But what surprises you is the fact that he makes the song and sings with his own voice in this one, mainly because he’s a music producer. Although his appearance screams very ‘celebrity-like’ due to how good looking he is, he claims that he just wants to lead a normal life with no pressure that comes between his personal life and professional life. He chooses to work behind the spotlight and produces some of the greatest hits for well-known names in the industry. Never once does he put his own personal works out like this. 

 So what changes? 

 You sit up to hear the lyrics and observe the song more carefully. 

และสุดท้ายรักมันคืออะไร baby เธอตอบฉัน

And finally, what is love? Baby, you answer me.

 You scoff at the thought of him having someone new he might be possibly singing about. Clearly, he wouldn’t really sing about you, would he?

บทเรียนสุดท้ายและครั้งที่สองเธอไม่พลาดพลั้ง

The last and second lesson, she didn't fail.

 You wonder what he could possibly refer to. What does he mean with this exactly? Love lesson that gives him the kind of pain that is unforgettable? 

 It’s your cue to go because it’s not even about you. 

 You feel pathetic for ever assuming that it was about you, the person he sang about. You feel foolish and you’re mad at yourself for that. The cold wind doesn’t help much with warming your body either. 

 Somehow, you continue to listen because of the charming lyrics and melodies. 

เธอตั้งใจทำอย่างนั้น

She did that on purpose.

เธอตั้งใจให้ผมเจ็บ

She intended to hurt me.

 You wonder which girl really hurt him and how she managed to do so. Deep down, you wish to have the same effect that whoever did to him in this song. 

 You sigh as you continue listening. 

baby เธอเองก็รู้ว่าใจดวงนี้มันสามารถซ้ำ

baby, you know that this heart can repeat itself.

เธอหยุดได้มั้ย baby ถือว่าผมขอร้อง 

Can you stop, baby? Consider that I'm begging you.

 Taeyang looks at the time on his phone and realizes something, he’ll forever sit alone and let you slip away from his life for good if he didn’t do something tonight. 

 He needs you in his life. He needs your love. He doesn’t want to continue to imagine the way you could only say those ‘i love you's' that his brain could only replay of the way you said it so much in the past that it deeply engraved in his mind like a clockwork. 

 He doesn’t want his heart trembling at the way you look so beautiful in the well kept polaroid of you two in his wallet anymore. He is done with torturing and lying to himself. 

 Grabbing his car keys, he impatiently waits for the engine to start working and looks around for the blind spots to make sure that the parking spot is empty before driving away. 

pretend ว่าตัวผม strong

Pretend that I'm strong

ในสิ่งที่ทุกๆวันขณะในใจผมเจ็บขนาดนั้น 

For something that every day in my heart hurts that much

 He stops at a flower shop, owned by one of his good friends, Shota. Shota has a talent in rearranging flowers, although he wouldn’t need to utter a word for the customers to roll in because he’s adorable. Taeyang remembers that his first flower ever given to you was from Shota’s flower shop and now that he wants to reconcile you both, he figures that he should do that too. 

 He pants, upon the hurried travel to his friend’s store. Shota eyes him blankly, but continues to say nothing, waiting for the other person to speak first. 

“I need a flower that says forever love. Not roses, obviously.” 

“Was that for Y/N?” He questions, although he already knows the answer. 

“How do you know that?” 

“You can pretend that you’re fine and be strong for our sake, although you’re not really. You still think of them.” 

 Was the pain so obvious that even Shota, who normally just doesn’t comment and not caring about things most of the time can see? 

 He really realizes that you’re his better half. 

 And as for you, you find yourself relating to the lyrics he sings in this song. You truly dislike how reflective it is to your state of mind because you’ve been pretending you’re strong and you’re not hurting everyday. 

 Both of yours and his heart are aching for one another, wanting to belong as one again. 

แค่เห็นที่ต้องเจ็บซ้ำ

Just seeing it hurts again.

เป็นเธอไม่มีสายใยแม้ไม่มีเธอเองก็ไม่ต่างกัน

It's you, there's no connection, even without you, it's no different.

 There’s something you can never admit to your friend or anybody else. You’re ashamed to still confess out loud that you’re thinking of your ex boyfriend and that you read both of your text messages with each other.

 You can’t understand it. Why can’t you get him out of your mind if he’s not exactly the most ideal man there is? 

 You sigh, it’s truly unpleasant to be having these late night thoughts where it betrays what you stand for. 

 Similarly to Taeyang, who also does look at the text messages you both shared, but with a different thought. 

 He used to take you for granted, but with you gone, he realizes that he had a gem but he was too blind by his own insecurities. 

 And if there’s no you, then nothing will make sense to him anymore. 

“Hyung, your flower is ready.” Shota places the flower on the table, in front of where Taeyang keeps zoning out. The producer grabs the flower, amazed that the younger florist chooses pink asters, knowing that it represents eternal love, innocence and devotion for a person you deeply care about. He then stands up, slams the 10$ and 20$ on the table and screams out before exiting the shop. 

“I know you’re gonna charge me 25$ but just accept 30$. Keep the change.” 

 Shota just shakes his head, sighing before going back to work. 

I think about everyday, baby we used to talk.

Now you run away.

But baby I'm still walk.

 Driving as fast as he can, he makes it his mission to place his vehicle in a place he knows it all too well. Nighttime has never looked more unexpected and almost scary to him because he can’t predict what is going to happen next. He can only hope that the music he mistakenly and might be posted under the influence of his idiocy conveys what he truly feels about the seperation. 

 Just only a month and 19 more days until it’ll be marked since a year you both break up. But yet in those days before it approaches, you occupy his thoughts every day and night. 

 Frankly, you’re the first and last thing he thinks of every single day. 

 He’s thanking the universe that he didn’t just crash and die right here with the way he’s speeding to you. 

คิดถึงแต่โทรหาไม่ได้

I miss you but can't call.

อยากจะเรียกเธอมาช่วยเชียร์แต่ว่ามันทำไม่ได้

I want to call her to cheer me up but I can't.

 Whenever he’s having a hard time, he wants to call you. But he can’t. 

 Whenever he’s happy, he can’t also call you. 

 And whenever he thinks of you, he can’t do that because you guys are not together anymore. 

 He wants to hear your voice, soothing his worries or cracking some jokes and laughing out so delightfully. 

 This trip to your house might be the last time he’ll get to see you. Or his wants will finally be granted. 

Baby เธอตั้งใจ broke heart

Baby, you accidentally broke my heart.

 You’re supposed to hate him, with the way he sings in this song. This line, a particular line, just like he said, it accidentally breaks your heart into pieces too. 

 You’re gritting your teeth in anger, were you never that important to him? 

 Had he never loved you enough that his heart could possibly break at the thought of you, of this too? 

 Were you the only one feeling this way? 

 You feel really start to resent him. God, what a fucking scumbag. 

 The love has never been reciprocated, so why can’t you let the thought of him completely slip out of your mind? 

ย้ายความเจ็บปวดเข้าไปที่ broke heart 

Move the pain into a broken heart

 It’s only around 10 minutes, if without speeding up, until he’ll be at your door, making a fool of himself, without knowing if you still want him back. He doesn’t know if you’re seeing someone new. Because if you do, that flower in the passenger seat that he is meaning to give it to you will be left to rot, as a proof of his undying love. 

 He doesn’t think that he can ever move past the pain of not having you if the rejection comes through. 

I'm still ทิ้งลงถังมันไม่ได้ baby

I'm still can't throw it in the bin, baby. 

ทำลงไม่ได้ baby

Can't do it, baby. 

Standing in front of the trash bin, you’re facing the most difficult of your life; whether to throw or not to throw every polaroid of you both together. 

 The song keeps playing, you’re holding 6 polaroids of you and him, which are taken on his birthday. There was a whip cream on his nose that he didn’t bother to wipe before taking the photos because he wanted to look cute and have fun, which you let him. It’s one of the fondest memories, out of every celebration you both had done together and you’re about to throw it away. 

 But your hand freezes, gripping onto those small pieces of pictures a bit too tightly. 

 And what happens if you throw it away? Would it only exist in your memories now with no physical evidence? Is that what you’re looking for? 

 And would you be happy to only have events that exist in your heart now? 

 What good would it do if you do anyway? You’d still continue to see the ghost of him everywhere you turn. 

 You can’t throw it away, you really can’t. 

มันตัดใจไม่ได้ baby

I can't get over it, baby. 

 He can’t get over your smile, your voice, your personality, humor or you. 

 He almost feels sorry for himself that he acts like this, let alone letting you know how he feels. 

 It’s what he thinks as his car has come to a stop, safely parking itself in an open space era. He then opens the car door, holding the flower bouquet to his chest before closing it and locking the car door. 

 Something in your mind tells you to stop standing still and keep the polaroids hidden away if you’re not gonna throw it, burn it or even destroy it. 

 So you listen to your guts as you gently tuck your upper lips, anxious and confused on why did you back out on it last minute. 

 You know the answer way too well to that question. But you didn’t want to accept it. 

เพราะผมรักจะตาย baby

Because I love you to death, baby.

“Ding!” 

 Your doorbell rings, startles you out of your trance when you’re so busy putting the polaroids back into a hidden box. 

 You’re confused on who would come to your door this late at night. It’s almost midnight, just only roughly 19 minutes to be exact as you look at the time displayed on the digital clock. 

 A gut feeling tells you that you might need to open the door as it’ll reveal the answer to everything you’ve been hoping for. 

 You’ll regret it if you don’t. 

 Most importantly, you’re hoping it’s him who is behind that door, ringing your doorbell, asking you to be back in his life. But you shake your head at the ridiculousness before you stand up, taking slow steps to get to the door. Your palm grips tightly onto that doorknob, not knowing if you want to do so. 

และสุดท้ายรักมันคืออะไร baby เธอตอบฉัน

And finally, what is love? Baby, you answer me.

 Is the last phrase you hear before your phone dies. You sigh as you twist the doorknob and you’re met with the man you thought you’d never get to meet again. 

 Choi Taeyang standing in front of you. With a bouquet of pink asters in his hands. 

 He wears a white sweater for tonight, a casual look but it makes him look almost breathtaking because he is simply the most beautiful guy you’ve ever known. He looks anxious, not knowing what to say at first as he hands you the asters and you gladly accept it. 

“Did you hear my new song?” 

 The question catches you off guard. Because what game does he want to play now? 

“I do.” You nod, face lack of any expression, opposite to the male in front of you who looks unsure and almost on the verge of tears. You can sense the anxiousness radiating off him but you choose not to ask about it. 

“Well- what do you think about it?” He looks at you, hoping you’d respond to it differently than you do now, because it’ll kill him if you continue to be standoffish like that. 

“It’s nice.” 

“The song… it’s about you.” He confesses, observing the way your eyebrows quirk in confusion and the gleam in your eyes that plead him to almost repeat whatever he just said. 

“Ever since we broke up, it’s never been easy on me. I want to call you so bad but I know you wouldn’t pick up those calls. Every day that I live, the memories of us haunt me so bad, it’s like you intended to hurt me and to make sure that I’ll never get over you. It’s lame that I can’t move on and I’m still in love with you. And now, here, making a fool of myself, asking you to be mine again.” 

 You stare at him, a bit dumbfounded and losing yourself in the moment that all of this happens in real time and it’s not your imagination anymore. You let each of the phrases that escape his lips sink into your mind and process itself into your brain as you can only admire him, no words being exchanged. 

 Taeyang is scared, preparing for your rejection already as you go absolutely silent. He could die right now, if not for the fact that he hasn’t heard the final word that determines whether he’ll continue to live in misery or start a new chapter with absolute happiness. 

“Y/N, please say something. If you’re gonna reject me, please do it fast!” 

“Idiot, I never stopped loving you.” Your face breaks into the biggest grin he has ever seen and every tension and worry just completely escapes from his body. 

 He takes a step forward to hug you, losing himself in your embrace. He misses your love, your warmth. His home, his livelihood all just connects back to you as he feels like the happiest man in the world. 

“Thank god because I thought I’ll live with regret for my entire life.” He mumbles, feeling so content by the physical contact for the first time in months. You try to gently peel yourself off from him, he pouts at you sadly, pleading to be in your embrace for a little longer but before allowing that to continue happening, you scold him. 

“Get off of me! What kind of house owner would I be if I let my guest stand outside for this long.” 

 He smiles, showing off the adorable eye smile that you love so much. 

“Is that your way of inviting me inside?” 

He teases you back, taking off his shoes as he observes you and every corner of your living space, happy to have you back in his life again. 

“Oh shut up before I kick you out.” You give him a stern stare, with your now boyfriend trailing behind you to chill in the living room. He only grins at you teasingly before responding back. 

“Fine.” 

COPYRIGHTED BY SADNIGHTFORUS, 2023

[steddieasitgoes]

Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours) | A Steddie Big Bang Fic | Shipping November 5th

Happy to announce that my @steddiebang fic (affectionally dubbed The Mailman Thing) will begin to be posted on ao3 on November 5th. I guess the post does come on Sunday's after all!

My artists @doomcheese and @strawberrysh0rk and my beta readers @valosomdraws and @ContrivedInk on Discord are all hard at work helping me bring this headache lovely fic to life.

We can't wait to share it with you! Enjoy this little sneak peak as a treat:

Eddie’s waiting for him on the porch when he parks Posty on the curb in front of the dragon mailbox. He’s dressed down again. A pair of sweatpants and a worn band shirt of sorts that the sleeves have been cut off of. His tattoos are on full display, and Steve can’t help but ogle them as he climbs up the steps. 

“Hope you’re hungry.” 

“I work up a big appetite delivering mail.” 

Eddie snorts, ushering Steve inside and towards the kitchen. 

It’s the second time Eddie’s snickered at Steve’s career choices, and he can’t help but bristle at the reaction. He doesn’t think Eddie is a condescending ass like his own father is, but Steve can never be too sure. There’s always at least one person who has a problem with his job, even though it’s an essential career choice. 

“How did you end up working for the post office, anyway?” Eddie asks, turning his back towards Steve as he scoops something into a giant bowl. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. It seems like a great job, but you seem too pretty for blue-collar labor.” 

Steve’s the one chuckling this time. Cheeks blushing upon hearing Eddie call him pretty again. That has to be a good sign, right? Maybe the Pride flag is his after all. 

“It started with a paper route, actually. My uh, dad told me to get a job, and the local paper was the only place that would hire me at thirteen. It sucked at first, but I started to love being outdoors and delivering things to people. It’s still one of the best jobs I’ve ever had, and when I moved out here, my best friend told me to apply at the post office,” Steve says, smiling fondly at the memories. “It’s not the same as being a paper boy, but it, uh, scratches that itch.” 

“That’s sweet,” Eddie says, spooning a bite of soup into his mouth. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone talk so fondly about their job before. And I work with artists all day.” 

“So you are an artist!” 

“I mean, I think so, but not everyone agrees.” 

Steve’s brows pinch in confusion. He’s about to ask Eddie to elaborate, but he doesn’t have to. Eddie seems to pick up on the visible confusion on his face. A surprising feat, considering Robin’s the only one who's ever been able to decipher Steve’s facial expressions. 

“M’tattoo artist.” 

“Must be some tattoo artist if you can afford a place like this on your own.”  

Eddie’s cheeks start to turn a familiar rosy color; thankfully, hives don’t follow. Instead, he reaches for a loose tendril of his hair and pulls it across his face. Hiding his blush from Steve’s line of sight. 

“I mean, I’m decent,” Eddie shrugs. “But uh, I also came into some money after a wrongful arrest when I was 18. Thought it was time to use the money for good instead of letting it collect dust under my bed.” 

“Well, you definitely made the right choice.” 

[sitp-recs]

Hi babes ! Hella specific rec ask but do you know any fics with

“Fuck, I want you.”

typa vibes ahahaha

👁️

I love this ask, and I certainly do! I went with my own interpretation of that line and I hope you meant it to include smut because these are all Explicit 🌝 enjoy!

Phoenix in the Fire by @fw00shy (E, 1.4k)

Their first time was an accident. "Sex pollen," Draco claims, though everyone knows it was too much Ogden's after Puddlemere beat the Tornados 240-230.

Teeth by @amelior8or (E, 6k)

Potter’s been practically begging for it, for months, constantly staring until the air crackles with the intensity of it. Draco always stares back, until all it takes is a brush, a spark, before they go up like flash paper. The crash into each other is inevitable.

Like This and Like This (Dreams of Lace) by @primavera-cerezos (E, 6.6k)

Harry gets an accidental peek. He can’t think of anything else.

I'm lying when I'm looking away by InnerLilith (E, 6.7k)

Sometimes it takes a Purim party and a flapper dress for Harry to figure out what he likes. (Spoiler: He likes Malfoy.)

The Page Eleven Wars by fireflavored (E, 8.5k)

In a gossip-hungry post-war Wizarding World, Rita Skeeter has a wildly successful column in the Daily Prophet known as Page Eleven.

The Things They Never Say by @bixgirl1 (E, 9.3k)

Harry and Draco don't know how to talk. So they do other things instead.

Sex on Legs in Six-Inch Heels by Tessa Crowley (E, 9.6k)

Draco Malfoy is a brilliant freelance cursebreaker and the only one who can help the Department of Magical Law Enforcement with a very dangerous case, but more importantly, he's wearing six-inch heels, and Harry cannot handle it, he really just can't.

Can't Get You Out of My Head by Femme (E, 14k)

After he sees Harry Potter naked in the Auror showers once, Draco can't stop thinking about him.

100 Beats per Minute by @oknowkiss (E, 14k)

When Draco left the Magical World behind at nineteen, he didn't expect the cusp of thirty would find him comfortable and secure, with a stable life and a successful career as a sex columnist.

Potter's Insatiable Cock by FleetofShippyShips (E, 20k)

Potter comes out and starts frequenting gay wizarding clubs. Only, he can't seem to find anyone to hold his interest, much to Draco's ongoing amusement, until one night things become clearer, and he has a proposition for Draco.

Let's Go Outside by cryptonym (E, 24k)

Harry's done with the sofa, the hall and the kitchen table, baby.

Tuxedo Angel by tryslora (E, 25k)

Harry and Neville are looking for the infamous Dragon Lily, a Dark witch active throughout Europe and Asia. Instead, they find the Tuxedo Angel, a beautiful witch performing in Rome.

Your Place or Mine? by @l0vegl0wsinthedark (E, 26k)

"This person is so much harder to hate. And I’m supposed to hate Malfoy. How the fuck else am I supposed to limit this to just sex?"

I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor by birdsofshore (E, 28k)

Harry felt lit up from inside as soon as he entered the bar. There were blokes dancing together, their bodies close to one another, not keeping a wary distance as Harry was always careful to do when he was near another man.

Moon-Eyed by @l0vegl0wsinthedark (E, 29k)

Draco Malfoy, Head of Veela Affairs at the Department of Magical Beings, does not do people favours. Harry Potter, recently turned werewolf, is not “people” – not to Draco anyway.

Here's The Pencil, Make It Work by ignatiustrout (M, 49k)

Harry thinks "Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?" is a much simpler question than, "Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?"

Finely Drawn Lines by @the-sinking-ship (E, 61k)

Draco doesn’t consider himself an artist (though the dozens of sketchbooks lining his shelves might suggest differently). Yet ever since Potter returned to Hogwarts, accepting a teaching position alongside Draco, his drawings have taken on a rather singular focus.

Can't Sit Still by wilteddaisy (E, 193k)

Five years after the war, Harry finds himself drawn to Draco Malfoy by memories that aren't his own.

[baconcolacan]

@letmeaskdanielaquestion I hope you dont mind but I’m posting this because its impossible for me to answer fully in the replies. And I count this as another ask so just in case someone else has something similar to ask they can look to this one :] Also thank you again for the previous kind words!

And, hrm…about writing, yes I did write a lot before regimen, but its far FAR from being any good. Thankfully most of my early works have never seen the light of day (because they’re in a now dead and deleted fb group) and the ones that did never got off the ground and is lost in ff.net. I was a horrible, horrible, little goblin of a writer and a total weeb. If you cant imagine in, just know that I used stuff like “Kya~!” in the writing……..yeah, I’m choking from embarrassment how did you know?

I also understand the perfectionism bit btw. I’m diagnosed with OCD, and my brand of OCD makes me obsessed with perfection among other things, to the point where I risk bodily harm to achieve it. It took me years of therapy and medication to overcome it, so I understand giving up when you feel something isnt up to your standards. The best advice I can give is this:

When writing, your first draft is just that, your first draft, it doesnt matter if there are grammatical errors and wonky dialogue, its there for you to have fun with and go wild on, word vomiting whatever you feel is the best next sentence. Personally, it feels cathartic to put down all my thoughts on the paper instead of letting them fester in my head, at least its out and not bugging me from within my own mind. I dont sweat the details of my first draft, I just need the words out of my head and physically there so it doesnt bother me as much. Trust me, ideas love to nip and yap at any creative’s heels until they make them real, only then will you have your peace and quiet.

And if you want more order? Before your first draft, make a skeleton of your story, put down the events that happen in each chapter in bullet points. I assume you’ve read chapter 1 of Regimen already so I’ll give my chapter skeleton as an example:

Regimen: Act 1 Outlines

Ch1 - Escape

* Pick up from Armistice. Tom is stumbling through the woods trying to get back to base

* Introduce some unit mates and their relationships with Tom

* Tom hides the fact that the General is dead + his encounter with Tord

* Peace treaty is aired. Things go horribly wrong (Tord is a bastard snake here, remember that Neil)

* Tom announces his intention to escape Norway. The others follow.

* Add context to the world and the state of Norway at the moment, have Tom reflect on his relationship with Tord compared to others. (Hes wrong btw, he ***I erased this next part because the note spoils something***)

* The escape ends in tragedy. Most of the unit is destroyed.

And for inspo? I always suggest different media: books, shows, movies etc etc. Analyze them, see how the plot flows, what works and what doesn’t, how does the story progress? Do they use flashbacks? How often? Exposition? How much? etc etc.

But ah, take my advice with a grain of salt. I’m a professional visual artist, I’m just a hobbyist when it comes to writing ^^;

[pizzaqueen]

love, every time you disparage yourself for being a normal human being and wanting to share personal thoughts or venting on your own blog, i will harass you to pls embrace your expression and speak instead of treating tumblr like some curated, santized host for content. we like you, it is why we follow you babe.

Ahahah, anon, thank you! 💜💜💜 I'm glad I have the kind of anons who harass with kindness lol

I think it's like... That thing where it's easier to remember all the negative opinions people express than the positive ones, so every time I post something personal I remember everyone who's ever been like 'ugh, I followed this fic author and then it was all these whiny personal posts' or complaining about personal stuff in author's notes (and I'm talking anything remotely personal, not like explicit details of their life or whatever) and sometimes it starts to feel like people don't want to remember authors (or artists or whoever) in fandom are people or something or that fandom is a community. (I hope this doesn’t come across wrong! Like I said in my first edit, people are totally entitled to not want to read personal posts—I’m mainly thinking of the people who have said they wish authors wouldn’t make them at all)

And maybe it's that thing where people come to something with how they use it (tumblr) or interact with it (fandom at large) and, even if it's not consciously, they then think anyone doing it differently is 'wrong' and it’s just a matter of conflicting styles and I don't know where I'm going with this haha

I've gone off on a tangent instead of just thanking you for your kindness and reassurance lol

But yeah, it's easier to remember that stuff, instead of going, well, okay, how about the people who stick around, and the ones who don't mind the personal posts, or maybe even like them!

Edited to add: I do want to say that I don’t think people are wrong for not wanting to read personal posts! It’s just that’s where my concern comes from when I post anything personal

[rainydawgradioblog]

Randall Goosby Plays Mozart and Answers My Burning Questions

28-year-old violin virtuoso Randall Goosby had his debut performance at the Seattle Symphony performing Mozart’s Violin Concerto No. 3 on February 8-1, and I had the pleasure of catching this performance and getting in touch with him for an interview. I’ll save the interview for last, as for now, I hope you’ll indulge me as I share my thoughts on the concert. 

Despite my show name having “Mozart” in the title (how could I pass up on the alliteration and name recognition for a quippy title?), I have never been particularly fond of Mozart. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was an incredibly prolific composer, and despite only living to the age of 35, he was able to churn out over 600 works, many of which were full-length multi-movement works. He was also a composer that largely operated within the confines of his time period, so I have often felt that his music falls victim to the formulaism common to the classical era (roughly 1750-1820). Bearing in mind his huge body of work and 18th century musical proclivities, I’ve accepted Mozart as a musical genius whose works seldom strike a chord with my personal tastes. This acceptance, of course, arrives with the occasional exception, for how could you not enjoy at least several out of a body of 600. 

I felt that Mozartean disclaimer necessary because I rarely feel Mozart’s music delivering any emotional revelations, but somehow, Randall Goosby was able to do just that. Goosby’s sincere love for the score radiated off of him as soon as he appeared onstage. As he swayed with the music, we were offered a glimpse into a veritable dialogue between soloist and orchestra. The first movement was rather light and dancelike, but I was particularly struck by the movement’s cadenza. I felt finally enlightened to what Goosby refers to as Mozart’s “endless expressive possibilities,” as the solo had moments of incredible emotional weight and a harmonic structure that seemed, to me at least, before its time. The following two movements were both flawlessly delivered in their own right. Though Mozart violin concerti have never been particular favorites of mine, I found the entire performance to be quite enjoyable. 

Having now witnessed Goosby’s radiating talent firsthand, I was in raptures to hear his encore. He played Louisiana Blues Strut (A Cakewalk) by African American composer Coleridge-Taylor Perkinson (not to be confused with Black British composer Samuel Coleridge-Taylor, for whom he was named). Goosby’s performance of this piece was stunning, to say the least. Topping off my enjoyment was that, as it turns out, Goosby and I are both from Memphis, TN. At once I was flooded with joy at hearing the Southern and Black folk traditions that I had the opportunity of being surrounded by growing up, but don’t encounter often here in Seattle. 

I’m attempting to wrap it up here so this blawg post doesn’t drag on forever with the inclusion of an interview. However, I haven’t even touched upon the second half of the concert, which was a Shostakovich symphony that I enjoyed so fervently that I had a smile plastered on my face for most of it. So I will attempt to be brief, which, as you might have gathered, is not my strong suit. 

Shostakovich’s 9th Symphony, in my opinion, is the the height of musical sarcasm. As I’ve gathered from the conductor Christian Reif’s description and my own knowledge of the life and times of Dmitri Shostakovich, our Shosty was engaged in a near constant battle between his own artistic desires and that of Stalinist Russia. At the time of the composition of his ninth symphony in 1945, Shostakovich had previously announced that his upcoming symphony was to be a large-scale work imbued with the heroic triumph of a Soviet victory over the Nazis. The resulting symphony was anything but, as Reif stated, Shostakovich had written first movmenets longer than this entire symphony, and the mood of triumph was nowhere to be found. Instead, there were moments of sprightly whimsy, sardonic dissonance, and carnivalesque satire. I just threw a lot of adjectives at you, dear blawg reader, but such is the nature of describing such a complex work with so many moods compacted into 27 minutes of music. I’ll end this all too short description with my general impression: I loved every moment of it. 

At long last we’ve arrived at the interview, which you can read below. 

You were quite young for your debut performance, has it been a lifelong goal to be a professional musician, or did you ever consider any other paths?

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a basketball or football player like everyone else. In the beginning, violin was simply something I found really fun and just loved to do. It wasn’t until I was in high school that I decided I wanted to make a career out of it.

Was there anything that attracted you to the violin in particular?

I have no memory of why I wanted to start violin. All I know is that my mom basically said to me and my siblings (I’m paraphrasing here), “I’m gonna make you play an instrument, but you can choose what I make you play!”

Who is your favorite composer, and why?

Mozart has been my favorite composer since I was a kid. There’s a simplicity to his music, in the sense that anyone who listens to it can understand, in their own way, what it’s about or what he was expressing. But, the more you listen and study his music, you start to understand what a complex personality he was — one minute the music makes you want to dance, and before you know it, you could have tears in your eyes. Just endless expressive possibilities in the subtlety and nuance of his writing. Truly magical stuff, and to me it never gets old.

The answer to these questions may be one and the same, but what is your favorite piece to listen to, and what is your favorite piece to play?

Do you often listen to classical music, or do you diverge to other genres for your personal listening habits?

I really don’t think I can choose one favorite piece to play or listen to! At least as far as classical music goes, it changes from day to day or week to week. Today, it’s Mozart Violin Concerto No. 3! Outside of classical music, I’ve always gravitated towards soul/R&B, mostly the oldies my parents always listened to when I was growing up — Stevie Wonder, Luther Vandross, Earth Wind & Fire, Whitney Houston, the list goes on and on.

Where was your favorite place you have performed?

Favorite place I’ve played is a tough one. If we’re talking about concert halls, probably Wigmore Hall, Carnegie, or the Concertgebouw. If we’re talking more generally, I’d say Korea or Japan — such an excitement and appreciation for classical music there, they had me feeling like a rock star! Also Japanese and Korean foods are my top 2 favorite in the world!

As a recording artist for Decca Classics, is there any recording that you are most proud of? 

I’ve only put out 2 records with Decca, but I’m very proud of both of them! I’m grateful for the opportunity to record and share the stories of great composers with people all over the world!

Are there any upcoming events or performances that you are particularly excited about? 

Really excited to take Florence Price’s Violin Concerto No. 2 on tour in Europe with Yannick Nezet-Seguin and the Rotterdam Philharmonic this Spring!

Special thanks to Randall Goosby, whose new single is above, Alison Ward & the SSO’s PR team for their continued support & connecting me with Goosby’s team, and Brandon Patoc for the photo. 

Thanks for heeding my classically inclined ramblings, until next time,

Addie

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

I like your blog and I've thinking of making a fanblog of a fgo character and wondered of you had any tips?

Hmmm ok let me ruminate

Dont theme it around a specific character unless you know very well you’re going to be obsessing over them daily for the next year or so. If you aren’t sure your fav character is one you fixate on enough to be posting daily about but you still want to name it for them you can always theme it after them but still post about others anyway. This also helps reduce running out of things to talk about

Not every post you make is going to be a hit. Learn to make the posts YOU want to make, and not what you think others will enjoy/will be popular, and you’ll find you feel less resentment if something you worked hard on doesn’t get tons of attention

Consistent posting is your friend if you want to build a strong base. It doesn’t always have to be good, or even daily! (Although I recommend reblogging stuff daily) This is mainly related to getting others to interact back with you-more people are liable to realize you’re an actual person and want to talk to you, send you asks, or comment on your posts if you’re active.

Making anything is better than making nothing. Some of my favorite posts are just silly text post edits or drawing over ‘cursed’ images that I did back when I didn’t have a good tablet. Some of my most popular posts are memes that took about 5 minutes to make! It doesn’t always have to be serious or ‘well done’ by your standards as long as you enjoy it.

Interact with other blogs. Reblog from them, put nice things about their own art or commentary on posts in the tags, send them asks if they’re a character based blog that wants that sort of thing. I’m less good with this tbh (shy) but it’s nice to have other people’s stuff on your blog as well, and nice to let them know if you enjoy their work!

Try not to take things personally. Part of being a focused fandom blog, especially oriented around loving a specific character, means that sometimes people won’t agree with your opinions or they’ll find you annoying. This can be hard to deal with, but generally speaking it isn’t personal and the nice people who are more than happy to join you in appreciating them will outweigh any stress. That being said, don’t be afraid to block people yourself.

Manage your time. This is an important one! Basically, don’t go so hard on focusing on your blog that you then burn out and can’t think of anything for 3 months. This is a bit hard to manage but the basic gist of it is to take frequent breaks and don’t feel bad about doing so (esp if you’re like me and make large quantities of art or something similar)

Get inspired! A lot of what I make isn’t just comics or drawings, but memes and edits that I saw years ago I edited to relate back to my interest. Look around for things that you found funny or interesting and see if any remind you of your fav. Just make sure to note in the tags or description if you were inspired by an artist’s actual comic instead of a more generic meme.

That’s all I have atm, I hope it helps ^v^

[yukikorogashi]

   Remember my friends, there are always going to be a bunch of haters and naysayers out there. And even if you also receive love and support from the other side, the former just LOVES having the stronger grip over you. Love knowing that what they say and think of you, ends up affecting you way more than the love and belief that you get from others. Making you think that you have nothing... that you, are nothing.

   I need to start by saying that I know I’m not one of the greatest and most talented artists/designers out there, and know that I have a long, long way to go (And yeah, I welcome that journey, and of course look forward to learning more, and to continue improving!). But more importantly... getting here has NEVER EVER BEEN EASY in the first place. I am indeed progressing and am indeed reaching those dream goals of mine, but not without tripping over more than one obstacle everyday.

   I have had lots of people laughed and looked down on me over the years, all from different age groups, areas of expertise, etc. People from other occupations laughing that I wanted to work in this area, instead of studying for a “real job”. One of my own art teachers even flinging my final year project down to the ground, and nearly even stomping her foot down on it, before storming right out (She was having a bad day, but it still wasn’t right for her to personally take it out on my art at the time). People that just... never took me and my skills seriously, but still think it was perfectly okay to take advantage of me and treat me like shit (Like my first supposedly real job out of college, that I was abused at for nearly a year, and only got paid $1000, that I was told I was even lucky to receive, in the first place).

   And don’t get me started on how after drawing for decades now (Ever since I was born), I’m still hardly noticed on any of my Social accounts for my art to this very day. But, you know what? That sort of thing doesn’t matter that much to me these days... especially when all the clients I have worked with up to this point, are people that I personally reach out to through emails and stuff. Granted, it took a lot of time, but I am happy to say that I have mostly (MOSTLY) grown out of my self-hating phase. Because constantly tearing myself down, especially when it comes to anything I achieve, is just not the way to go, my guys. 💦 

   ... And also, I will say that I am really lucky that I can share anything I create with a few very, very close pals, my dear friends who are always nothing but excited and supportive of me... Besides learning to hate myself less (And love myself more), I have learned that these are the people matter so much more, the people I should be tuning my hearing aid to. 

   So yeah, this goes back to one of my past posts, about being KINDER TO YOURSELF. About actually seeing and accepting that you truly are PROGRESSING, no matter how slow it may seem at times. Be prouder of yourself, GDI! Why are you spitting down on yourself, for actually putting in those attempts??? For actually TRYING? You are actually working so much harder than you realise!

   But yeah... I am still drawing, despite all of that. I am still doing what I do, because...

   I fucking love what I do, so, so much. Despite how hard it is (AND GOD IT IS HARD, DRAWING IS HARD, LOL!), despite how much I have to deal with, up to this very day. Despite how many times I have to survive on a few pennies, during some extra though periods... And this effort and perseverance has gotten me to FINALLY work with clients in time. And I hope to work with more in due time, as I continue down this path...

   Anyway, don’t stop. DON’T YOU. EVER. STOP. When it comes to doing what you love. Get back up, ALWAYS GET BACK UP, whenever those folks try to trip you over. 

   And make sure you start listening to the folks that are actually CHEERING YOU ON, including yourself. Swing all that LOVE in your heart for that thing like a pillow and smack those haters in the face with it, before continuing your way towards your goals!

[desertedhero]

An analytical look at the story for HDtF

Heads up: I’ll be discussing spoilers for Hunt Down the Freeman as well as some minor details from HL2 and HLA. Also, these are all just my own thoughts based on my experiences as a storyteller and player, so it's okay if you disagree with any of it.

Criticisms aside...I love this game. HDtF has delightful concepts at its core. Why, then, is it regarded as a terrible game? Are my standards simply that low to enjoy a bad story? That's up to interpretation. Instead of focusing on fixing the story, I'm focusing on why it feels like it needs fixing in the first place. This won't be about how I'd want the story to be, or what the creators may have intended. It’s about the story as it exists.

There’s a lot to say about gameplay, sound design, and everything else. That's also for another post, because this one is about story development and writing.

I want to talk about this because a lot of my own ideas use basic storytelling concepts about character and theme as a foundation. So, I’m laying that down to build from later. I hope anyone looking to write those fun fix-it fics and story rewrites gets some ideas from this. If you wonder why the plot might’ve disappointed you and you enjoy story analysis, artist or not, this is for you.

Whether the game sucks or not, it has a fun premise. The execution is where it gets messy. It’s because HDtF is plot-driven, rather than character-driven. Let's start with what that means and why it's important.

When I refer to something as plot-driven, I mean that characters follow beats rather than create them. They become passive by acting in whatever way the writer needs them to so they hit each plot point. In character-driven stories, they act on their own instead of how the writer needs them to. When characters don't act according to a core set of beliefs, they can feel inconsistent. They’re full of conflicting ideas.

A story might favor plot over character development if the creators think the plot is that cool. I can't speak for the HDtF creators, but it wouldn't surprise me if that was the case for them because their plot is cool. The premise is incredible!! Hunting down Gordon Freeman and playing an antagonistic character? Man, sign me up. It all just..fell flat. Why? One reason is because Mitchell, as a protagonist, is passive for most of the story. The plot requires him to be a vessel for it to occur. If he were an active protagonist, the story would look different even if the ending remained the same. If you feel like Mitchell isn't that relatable, or his behavior doesn't make sense, that's okay. His role in the story is to follow the plot regardless of his own personality, motives, and goals.

What are Mitchell’s goals? According to what we see at the start of the game, he's looking for vengeance on the guy who fucked up his face. Cool! That's a setup for a revenge story, and those can be a lot of fun. When the opportunity arrives in act three, thou, Mitchell is resistant. Why doesn't he want to kill Freeman, when at the beginning it's established that he's sworn to get his revenge? Mitchell does specify that he sees the power, authority, and time he’s been granted as a curse. He doesn’t want part of that. Despite this apparent change of heart, he surrenders to Gman without too much of a fight. The plot demands he hunt down Freeman, after all.

It’s possible the scenes with Captain Roosevelt are meant to alert players to this change. It’s fresh in our minds that he made a deal with the devil and soon Gman will come for him. When he does, Mitchell says “I just want it to end. Freeman can go to hell.” He sees the power, authority, and time he’s been given as a curse. His original desire, a whim, has become a burden. He's now being manipulated into doing something he doesn't want. But something about the build up to this scene still makes it feels like there’s an inconsistency. Do you agree? Throu act two, did we learn enough about Mitchell’s dilemma to make sense of his response to Gman?

Inconsistencies are also referred to as plot holes or continuity errors. These make up a majority of the problems in this story. You’ve surely already identified a lot of them if you’ve played the game or watched a playthrou. (Another example is Mitchell knowing what the Borealis is.) There's a few ways to resolve inconsistencies. The method I use to generate ideas is super simple. Just keep asking questions. Keep asking "why?" Here's a quick example of what it looks like for me:

Why does Mitchell want revenge on Freeman? Well, he believes it's Freeman who not only beat the shit out of him, but also killed his squad.

Why does it matter if he killed his squad? His military training might have taught him the value of teamwork and fellowship. Maybe he has friends in his squad. Or it's that he's alone now, and being alone means facing himself and his past. (This could make him emotionally dependent upon Nick and Adam later on…)

What would make him change his mind about revenge? Like he tells Gman, the life he's been given is cursed. It could also be that after 20 years it seems that Freeman's vanished off the face of the earth, so Mitchell might feel resigned to never finding him. Or, he started healing and doesn't feel the desire for revenge anymore. Or, he has too much to lose if he started hunting Freeman. It'd be a suicide mission that risks everything he's accomplished–even if he's questioning how much his life is worth. (He found something he cares about more than revenge and so he must choose between the two goals…)

These are just starting points. You could answer the same questions differently, then continue through train of thought. In general, I find asking questions and answering them a few layers deep is effective. Conducting a Q&A helps find what works and what doesn't, or what's interesting and what's not. Ask questions even if they seem obvious or silly.

Storytelling principles like cause-and-effect and Chekhov’s gun remind us that everything matters. One thing causes another. Things shown to the audience must have a payoff later. However, there is at least one big thing that might not meet these principles. The first sequence of the game is a montage of key moments in Mitchell's life. It's how we're intended to connect with him. Is there any point in the game that he references any of these events? If you can't think of anything, don't worry–I can't either. As it stands the backstory montage does nothing to let us know who Mitchell is as a person. Logically, it should, and it does tell us about him. It's an issue because it doesn't seem like these experiences are motivating his actions. The montage could be cut from the game and it wouldn't impact our understanding of who Mitchell is based on what he does any time after it.

How could it become important, then? Well, Mitchell is the brother of Adrian Shephard, and they're shown in the montage. The game brings Adrian in for a cameo at the end, but they're never referenced in any other way. Hell, no one even refers to Mitchell as Shephard, which would make sense to do. The most obvious answer is to make Adrian mean something to Mitchell. Whatever your interpretation of the montage is, ask how it affected Mitchell. What happened, and how did that shape who he is at the start of the game? Whether or not Adrian shows up in the story, there ought to be an emotional relevance on Mitchell's end. He could mention that he understands what it's like having a sibling. Maybe he relates to someone else because of his experiences as a soldier. Any relevant subtext acknowledging that those key backstory moments matter to him would make him more relatable. That would confirm that those moments should matter to us as the players. Everything serves a purpose.

Another concept the plot brings up that has no payoff is the Cremators (I believe that’s what Boris calls the entities that are tended to in the factory). It's another violation of the idea that everything in a story is meant to set something up to or resolve a setup. If the Cremators meant anything, they would have been brought back to perhaps make good on their purpose that Boris claims is to kill humans that the Combine view as trash. Instead the importance of the factory is introducing Boris and giving Mitchell the opportunity to rescue the kids. Mitchell sees this in a negative light, that he's only using them for his own benefit. If this is the only thing the factory scene was meant to accomplish, why do we even know about the Cremators? 

Like Mitchell, other characters also suffer from being puppets of the plot. Adam and Nick serve a purpose of delivering Mitchell to where he needs to be. Adam can even be interpreted as a scapegoat for the writers to get out of actually having Mitchell kill Freeman. I personally don't, but I could see an argument made for it. Meanwhile, Nick is introduced to give exposition, get Mitchell going on his first mission, and to bail him out at the end so he can accomplish his goal of revenge. I’ll discuss that last point more when we get to theme.

I've heard professional writers say that every character in a story needs a reason to be there. I like that idea a lot! The plot needs Adam, Nick, and the others to support Mitchell. A character-driven approach, thou, would ask why they need to be part of the plot. How do they benefit from being part of the story? For example, why does Nick help Mitchell out in the hospital? Why does Adam negotiate to join him? We learn in game that he’s also looking to get out of the city and that he knows something no one else seems to know about the Combine, but that’s the extent of our knowledge. (I’m still curious why exactly he didn’t follow up on his plan to go separate ways once they left the city. That’s an inconsistency created by the plot’s need to have him stick around for the end.) Support characters either help or hinder Mitchell along the way. They all have a reason to collide with his goals. Or, they should.

In some cases, support characters may only exist for one sequence, like say Boston Joe. Boston Joe should be important to Mitchell regardless of how long he’s on screen. Right? Theoretically, his contribution pushes Mitchell forward or changes him somehow. (What was the significance of the powerplant sequence, actually? I’ve watched three different playthrous and none of them have a conclusion to that subplot. Why was it important for Mitchell to do that? I’m assuming there's a missing sequence or cutscene that transitions us to the docks. If this is the case, that’s another inconsistency, another source of confusion or frustration. It’s a missed opportunity to tell us something about Mitchell depending on how it's resolved. It would, ideally, give us insight to how he's changing as a result of his experiences. He sees himself as a bad guy in act three, so the conclusion to the powerplant might be a step towards informing that mindset. Anyway...)

If you compare how engaged support characters are with Mitchell to how engaged they are with Gordon in HL2–or with Alyx in HLA–there’s a big difference. What did those games do right that HDtF did not?

In HL2 and HLA, other characters support the main plot while having their own goals. Alyx has her own agenda throughout the games because she has other priorities. She has a life outside being a companion for Gordon. She’s also given time to express what those goals are and pursue them. We know her goals involve saving Eli, and this runs alongside Gordon’s goals. This makes her feel more like a real person, right? In HLA we have Russell with his own thoughts and ideas. The Vortigaunt cut off from the Vortessence stood out to me, too. They had personality and a goal that clashed with Alyx’s. That goal connected to hers later on despite not seeming relevant to her at first. On the other hand, we don’t know what Nick wants, outside of helping Mitchell. We don’t know why Adam sticks around, after he initially planned to go separate ways when they left Albuquerque. We don't know what Adam's deal with Gman was about. They don’t have a life outside the main plot.

If you feel frustrated that we have these cool characters that we don't get to learn about, that’s understandable. One of the great delights of HL2 and HLA is interacting with the support characters, and HDtF doesn’t allow us to do that.

I will say thou, the way that Boris and Sasha connect to the story is interesting. This says nothing about the quality of the subplot, but Mitchell meeting Boris in act two did matter later on. The deaths of the support characters in act one also matter. Why? Gman promised Mitchell power and authority, so any events that lead to him obtaining those things fulfill that promise. Mitchell even expresses some disdain that they died for him like that. Support characters should always matter to a protagonist in some way, and most of them do matter to Mitchell’s journey.

The next big idea I want to delve into is about theme. Let’s transition from how characters and plot interact to what messages those interactions deliver.

Mitchell serves as a vessel for the plot and is passive, but there is one moment where he makes a choice for himself. When he refuses to die to the Combine, and in doing so gives Gman the biggest "fuck you," what he's doing is actively participating in creating story. This was the most compelling moment for me. It felt like Mitchell, at last, chose to do something the plot didn't force him to. Makes me wonder what consequences could have occurred if he made different decisions. Even if he ends up in the same situation at the end, how could the journey be more engaging?

HDtF establishes a premise for a revenge story, but thematically it appears to be more than that. Which is fine because many stories do explore more than one theme! It also reads as a story about someone who's manipulated into abandoning their own goals and self destructing. What message does it leave us with, then? When Adam is revealed to be a traitor and Mitchell responds to this betrayal, what is that meant to tell us?

Mitchell killing Adam is a cathartic scene (for me, anyway) because a promise has been fulfilled. He achieved the goal he set out for at the beginning. There's more happening in the story that leaves ambiguity about how we're meant to feel about it, thou. How are we meant to take it when Mitchell kills the man he's been on a ship with for 20 years in a moment of reckless rage? The fact is we don’t have any details about Adam to let us understand his own goals and motives, other than he had a deal with Gman. That deal implies he had no choice, much like how it was for both Mitchell and Boris. Is that enough of an explanation?

Typically, revenge stories make it clear who we're supposed to hate and who to support. We know the antagonist's death is justified because we usually see a) what they did and b) why they did it. The reasoning plays into why we’re meant to root for the protagonist instead of the antagonist, right? In some cases they might want the same thing but one is willing to cross lines the other won’t. We even see hints of this in the first time Mitchell and Adam meet. They have similar yet differing ideas about loyalty. HDtF, however, does not give us the full picture by the end. It doesn't tell us if Mitchell is justified or if Adam deserved to be killed based on both what he did and why he did it. It's completely up to interpretation.

Why is it important that there's no clear message? Is it not enough to hand players these ideas and end it by asking “hey how fucked up was that, right?” Based on general responses from players that I've seen so far, what makes this story laughable is likely because it feels like it takes itself seriously without having anything serious to say. It doesn’t carry an emotional truth but acts like it does. Whatever the creators wanted to say seems to have gotten lost somewhere along the way, because clearly at least most of us missed the message.

HDtF has fun and thought provoking concepts, but they haven’t been explored enough to create a story as compelling as the creators likely envisioned. Each character has the potential to be incredible. There is a lot of flexibility in the themes that the story presents. We're given many concepts in an almost frustratingly open-ended way, but the ambiguity leaves room for different yet equally interesting interpretations. Is it a story about getting justified revenge? Maybe it’s unjustified and becomes a tragedy. Is it about escaping the cycle of abuse? Exploring the similarities between heroes and villains? Perhaps it’s about forgiveness and the consequences of betrayal?

The story of Hunt Down the Freeman might look like a first draft, but the opportunities for interpretation and engagement are endless. It’s a fantastic sort of mystery story! There’s even more to say about the writing in terms of plot, pacing, dialogue and character voice, use of exposition..but I’m leaving it here. I hope this sparks some new thoughts! And if you love the story like I do, maybe even some creative connections. Or, maybe you hate the story and this validates your reasoning for it, and that’d be okay, too.

(Thank you so much for reading this far, hot damn!! I had so much fun writing it and it gave me a lot I want to expand upon later.)

[sir-klauz]

So awkward seeing some fiction posted that’s creepily similar to your own you’ve been working so hard to create, researched, and such from your own experiences heart and imagination and they’re just throwing it around like it’s theirs with not that much changed about it aside from statement names and such. Well, at least I have my originals thank goodness!

Please check out Orange Juice In The Studio, a love story about a couple residing in a manga artists studio apartment in Spain, and just, couple things, warm, and it’s mature content and smut but also safe nsft and a bit more realistic depictions than some harmful representations of queer men engaging in romance that is trending and getting a lot of bottoms/subs hurt because of people’s refusal to talk about using lubricant and safety and treating an ass like a vag basically which doesn’t self lubricate anyone with experience would know nor enjoy being rawed with zero prep aha unless you like pain and being damaged ! Anyway, that said, that’s why I wanted to write it really, it’s important to me, the real love that happens and consent and boundaries and safety with things some people may not even know what to do because barely anyone teaches us about queer intimacy that people aren’t taught!

The second is definitely just some comedy and funny smut fanfiction for Ayato and Diluc, here’s the link to this, I’ll update ASAP but I haven’t atm as I’ve been a bit busy but hopefully I’ll get some more of that series done soon!

If anyone would like to give feedback please do, I’ve tagged with as many warnings and such as included within both but as always I welcome any tags you’d recommend me adding as I want to 100% communicate with the reader what will be within the story and what is suitable for their tastes and preference, and do not wish to spook anyone etc. as well, the nature of it is mature fiction so includes as such. I truly hope people enjoy it, but please, don’t steal it! I’m struggling enough as it is to keep motivation in writing it, and I will, but I am also not physically well right now so can’t schedule writing as easily as someone who isn’t and I hope to keep bringing my writing to people again. It doesn’t help that my side blog I was promoting it with most got censored the other day so I’ll probably put stuff about updates to chapters and art about it on here now instead, or, on @crimsonyoukai once I get that one up and running to replace my nsfw one.

Please don’t take my stuff, credit a little, or address me about maybe collaborating or something instead. I appreciate inspiration being taken but when it becomes painstakingly almost the same, that’s not okay at all. I don’t get paid for this, this is my art, this is my work, these are my ideas alone, and if it’s fanfiction it’s my ideas based in locations presented in game, or the characters and their basic personality and abilities but otherwise the rest, I’ve made it all up. I’m in pain most days, a parent, and stuff going on and it’s not as easy for me as some to just whip up and do this stuff! I can’t stop anyone but if you do take inspo let me know and I won’t mind of course unless it’s basically the same thing, hell if you liked the story that much just quote as fanfiction. Cripes. Maybe I should take it as a compliment that it was that good it had to be taken as their own. It’s fine. My originals are still up and dated and they are there as proof as well if I go further with it.

[submergingartist666]

if you say something stupid, people should let you know

oh man you ever read a review and think to yourself “haha oh shit that was fucked up that’s a fucked up thing to say”

or even just “shit dude i don’t think you picked up at all what the artist was trying to put down and while your god awful experience is, like, so valid it doesn’t seem like you even tried to understand what happened or why …

and i don’t think it’s constructive to call an actor’s performance annoying … also ur writing just kinda sucks”

but the thing is you can’t stop them, you know? and there’s nothing i can say about how to be a better critic that hasn’t already been said, so i think if you say something stupid, people should let you know.

anyone. fellow critics, artists, you, dear reader.

i mean sure, critics have a responsibility to respect the artists we’re talking about while staying honest but we also have a responsibility to the way they’re being talked about by each other, right? think about it– the relationships critics have with artists– should they not extend past the interactions we have with them? should we not publicly address and comment on what our peers have publicly said about a public piece of art in our own reviews?

this is not about disagreement or taste because i hate most of what i see but clarity I think maybe also (for lack of better words) community? which is such a bleh word to use these days but i kinda like the idea of reviews becoming referential of a review interacting with ideas in other reviews of the same something different people experienced.

instead, we hide behind third person and we hide behind formality and authority and we think artistic dialogue only starts when we initiate it so we HAVE to have the answers, right? otherwise why the fuck would anyone want to hear from us? bc we’re smart cool sexy funny and kind? NO. bc we know what the FUCK we’re talking about (i have a BAH, mf)!

but sometimes we don’t know what the fuck we’re talking about, which is chill because you can’t always know what the fuck you’re talking about, and we should be ok with people letting us know especially if they can tell us why.

it would be, like, so hot If i saw a review that was like, “yo i saw this show and i loved the way they did this thing and this is what it made me think of, but that wasn’t this person’s experience [hyperlinked post], no they had the complete opposite time and hated it, but i see how that influenced their interpretation of the rest of the show. however, they didn’t pick up on some crucial elements (for whatever reason) that would’ve provided the necessary context for them to continue engaging meaningfully which may speak to a lapse in communication (which is a valid critique) and not an absolute failure of the artist as they’re saying.” or–

–idk i just think it’ll get really boring if we only ever do our critic thing individually bc we’re all kind of screaming into the void hoping our opinions get more attention than the next and right now, that overwhelming sense of competition and legitimacy is turning people off from collaborative, critical engagement.

could be kind of fun if we collectively decided to extend post-show lobby chats and talkbacks and conversations over drinks to somewhere like twitter or reddit a place where people can casually share their interpretations and cultural references like we do with television and books and movies, you know?

critics need ~community~ too.

or maybe we don’t maybe i’m talking out of my ass and if i am maybe you should let me know why :)

[miamaymarry]

I edited my headline to be clear that this blog is a fan blog. I never claimed to be an official translator or anything like that. OX did never answer the request for permission to translate their work, so this is all for fun and without any connection to the artist but if you want to put it so negatively “messing” with their work. (I guess/hope Old Xian is probably really busy and doesn’t have time for concerns over small creators interacting with their works. Of course I would take the translations/edits down immediately if they personally ever happen to contact me about it and disliking it for whatever reason or if they make a statement online that they are uncomfortable with people playing around with their creation) Please remember fanfiction, fanart, edits, … are the same category as fan translations and technically require permission from the creator to be anything near legal as well. If nothing is commercialized it’s basically not a crime that’s traced I guess? I’m doing this in my free time and without ever charging anyone anything. The art work doesn’t belong to me and I hope that’s clear since I put OXs name and where to find the original whenever I post a translation.

I barely interact with most of the followers who came here but I’m happy many people seem to enjoy it ❤️ Again: I’m not claiming to be accurate and I just do fun stuff with editing, and what I feel like. I’ve done it many times before and people minded their business if it wasn’t their cup of tea. So I’d rather keep a small community around to gosh over the same things and not have loads of people on this blog with expectations I don’t want to live up to. I’m not here for anything but joy for myself and friends. There are sooo many cool fan translations you can follow instead if you’re upset about what I’m doing. I chose peace and fun over everything since this is my blog. It’s the internet not real life, please just pass by and ignore/block it if you don’t like it, since it’s not my responsibility to make anyone feel better at my space. And respectfully anyone please unfollow me if there is an expectation of me to serve you in any kind of way or make you feel comfortable at my own fan bubble here. We disagree and I’m not going to put up with negativity. I’m here for positive interactions and to have fun with a fandom I enjoy, which is mostly 19 days at the moment. I literally have a crack ship/cursed ship or whatever you call it in my header so where do those expectations come from? Typesetting is fun, not a job or duty to me and I’ll keep doing my own fanservice 😊 I also don’t want to justify stopping what I’m doing right now if I don’t feel like it anymore one day.

If you are really bored and want to play detective, start comparing OXs originals with the posts :D I made a few small edits here and there that didn’t change the context, and that I didn’t mention. Nobody noticed before or only a few wondering about hearts or (for me) funny additions. Yesterday I wanted to clarify I was making fun to keep a distance from the original because it changed the subtext with the small smile on Cheng’s face. (Look at least closely if you’re here to roast me. The second panel of him had a change of the corner of his mouth too and none who complained did even see it…)

I also apologize to anyone who’s disappointed because this wasn’t communicated clearly enough from my end. I will keep addressing actual changes like before! Now there are so many followers already and I had to block a few being rude, I felt pressured to make a statement, but actually we’re strangers and I don’t owe you anything guys.

Last but not least: I am so happy about all the positive comments and funny tags (yes I read them whenever I can hehe) in the reblogs. Thank you so much for sticking around 🥰 and thank you for liking too!

Summery: We switch between accurate translations and a more direct communication sometimes (but most of the time we stick to the original as close as possible). I edit small stuff sometimes because I would like to have “more” in there (or what I personally think is fun). So I will keep addressing changes to be clear in the future.

If you want to talk about it feel free to do so nicely :)

[bao3bei4]

fan language: the victorian imaginary and cnovel fandom

there’s this pinterest image i’ve seen circulating a lot in the past year i’ve been on fandom social media. it’s a drawn infographic of a, i guess, asian-looking woman holding a fan in different places relative to her face to show what the graphic helpfully calls “the language of the fan.”

people like sharing it. they like thinking about what nefarious ancient chinese hanky code shenanigans their favorite fan-toting character might get up to⁠—accidentally or on purpose. and what’s the problem with that?

the problem is that fan language isn’t chinese. it’s victorian. and even then, it’s not really quite victorian at all. 

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fans served a primarily utilitarian purpose throughout chinese history. of course, most of the surviving fans we see⁠—and the types of fans we tend to care about⁠—are closer to art pieces. but realistically speaking, the majority of fans were made of cheaper material for more mundane purposes. in china, just like all around the world, people fanned themselves. it got hot!

so here’s a big tipoff. it would be very difficult to use a fan if you had an elaborate language centered around fanning yourself.

you might argue that fine, everyday working people didn’t have a fan language. but wealthy people might have had one. the problem we encounter here is that fans weren’t really gendered. (caveat here that certain types of fans were more popular with women. however, those tended to be the round silk fans, ones that bear no resemblance to the folding fans in the graphic). no disrespect to the gnc old man fuckers in the crowd, but this language isn’t quite masc enough for a tool that someone’s dad might regularly use.

folding fans, we know, reached europe in the 17th century and gained immense popularity in the 18th. it was there that fans began to take on a gendered quality. ariel beaujot describes in their 2012 victorian fashion accessories how middle class women, in the midst of a top shortage, found themselves clutching fans in hopes of securing a husband.

she quotes an article from the illustrated london news, suggesting “women ‘not only’ used fans to ‘move the air and cool themselves but also to express their sentiments.’” general wisdom was that the movement of the fan was sufficiently expressive that it augmented a woman’s displays of emotion. and of course, the more english audiences became aware that it might do so, the more they might use their fans purposefully in that way.

notice, however, that this is no more codified than body language in general is. it turns out that “the language of the fan” was actually created by fan manufacturers at the turn of the 20th century⁠—hundreds of years after their arrival⁠ in europe—to sell more fans. i’m not even kidding right now. the story goes that it was louis duvelleroy of the maison duvelleroy who decided to include pamphlets on the language with each fan sold.

interestingly enough, beaujot suggests that it didn’t really matter what each particular fan sign meant. gentlemen could tell when they were being flirted with. as it happens, meaningful eye contact and a light flutter near the face may be a lingua franca.

so it seems then, the language of the fan is merely part of this victorian imaginary we collectively have today, which in turn itself was itself captivated by china.

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victorian references come up perhaps unexpectedly often in cnovel fandom, most often with regards to modesty.

it’s a bit of an awkward reference considering that chinese traditional fashion⁠—and the ambiguous time periods in which these novels are set⁠—far predate victorian england. it is even more awkward considering that victoria and her covered ankles did um. imperialize china.

but nonetheless, it is common. and to make a point about how ubiquitous it is, here is a link to the twitter search for “sqq victorian.” sqq is the fandom abbreviation for shen qingqiu, the main character of the scum villain’s self-saving system, by the way.

this is an awful lot of results for a search involving a chinese man who spends the entire novel in either real modern-day china or fantasy ancient china. that’s all i’m going to say on the matter, without referencing any specific tweet.

i think people are aware of the anachronism. and i think they don’t mind. even the most cursory research reveals that fan language is european and a revisionist fantasy. wikipedia can tell us this⁠—i checked!

but it doesn’t matter to me whether people are trying to make an internally consistent canon compliant claim, or whether they’re just free associating between fan facts they know. it is, instead, more interesting to me that people consistently refer to this particular bit of history. and that’s what i want to talk about today⁠—the relationship of fandom today to this two hundred odd year span of time in england (roughly stuart to victorian times) and england in that time period to its contemporaneous china.

things will slip a little here. victorian has expanded in timeframe, if only because random guys posting online do not care overly much for respect for the intricacies of british history. china has expanded in geographic location, if only because the english of the time themselves conflated china with all of asia.

in addition, note that i am critiquing a certain perspective on the topic. this is why i write about fan as white here⁠—not because all fans are white⁠—but because the tendencies i’m examining have a clear historical antecedent in whiteness that shapes how white fans encounter these novels.

i’m sure some fans of color participate in these practices. however i don’t really care about that. they are not its main perpetrators nor its main beneficiaries. so personally i am minding my own business on that front.

it’s instead important to me to illuminate the linkage between white as subject and chinese as object in history and in the present that i do argue that fannish products today are built upon.

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it’s not radical, or even new at all, for white audiences to consume⁠—or create their own versions of⁠—chinese art en masse. in many ways the white creators who appear to owe their whole style and aesthetic to their asian peers in turn are just the new chinoiserie.

this is not to say that white people can’t create asian-inspired art. but rather, i am asking you to sit with the discomfort that you may not like the artistic company you keep in the broader view of history, and to consider together what is to be done about that.

now, when i say the new chinoiserie, i first want to establish what the original one is. chinoiserie was a european artistic movement that appeared coincident with the rise in popularity of folding fans that i described above. this is not by coincidence; the european demand for asian imports and the eventual production of lookalikes is the movement itself. so: when we talk about fans, when we talk about china (porcelain), when we talk about tea in england⁠—we are talking about the legacy of chinoiserie.

there are a couple things i want to note here. while english people as a whole had a very tenuous knowledge of what china might be, their appetites for chinoiserie were roughly coincident with national relations with china. as the relationship between england and china moved from trade to out-and-out wars, chinoiserie declined in popularity until china had been safely subjugated once more by the end of the 19th century.

the second thing i want to note on the subject that contrary to what one might think at first, the appeal of chinoiserie was not that it was foreign. eugenia zuroski’s 2013 taste for china examines 18th century english literature and its descriptions of the according material culture with the lens that chinese imports might be formative to english identity, rather than antithetical to it.

beyond that bare thesis, i think it’s also worthwhile to extend her insight that material objects become animated by the literary viewpoints on them. this is true, both in a limited general sense as well as in the sense that english thinkers of the time self-consciously articulated this viewpoint. consider the quote from the illustrated london news above⁠—your fan, that object, says something about you. and not only that, but the objects you surround yourself with ought to.

it’s a bit circular, the idea that written material says that you should allow written material to shape your understanding of physical objects. but it’s both 1) what happened, and 2) integral, i think, to integrating a fannish perspective into the topic.

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japanning is the name for the popular imitative lacquering that english craftspeople developed in domestic response to the demand for lacquerware imports. in the eighteenth century, japanning became an artform especially suited for young women. manuals were published on the subject, urging young women to learn how to paint furniture and other surfaces, encouraging them to rework the designs provided in the text.

it was considered a beneficial activity for them; zuroski describes how it was “associated with commerce and connoisseurship, practical skill and aesthetic judgment.” a skillful japanner, rather than simply obscuring what lay underneath the lacquer, displayed their superior judgment in how they chose to arrange these new canonical figures and effects in a tasteful way to bring out the best qualities of them.

zuroski quotes the first english-language manual on the subject, written in 1688, which explains how japanning allows one to:

alter and correct, take out a piece from one, add a fragment to the next, and make an entire garment compleat in all its parts, though tis wrought out of never so many disagreeing patterns.

this language evokes a very different, very modern practice. it is this english reworking of an asian artform that i think the parallels are most obvious.

white people, through their artistic investment in chinese material objects and aesthetics, integrated them into their own subjectivity. these practices came to say something about the people who participated in them, in a way that had little to do with the country itself. their relationship changed from being a “consumer” of chinese objects to becoming the proprietor of these new aesthetic signifiers.

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i want to talk about this through a few pairs of tensions on the subject that i think characterize common attitudes then and now.

first, consider the relationship between the self and the other: the chinese object as something that is very familiar to you, speaking to something about your own self vs. the chinese object as something that is fundamentally different from you and unknowable to you. 

consider: [insert character name] is just like me. he would no doubt like the same things i like, consume the same cultural products. we are the same in some meaningful way vs. the fast standard fic disclaimer that “i tried my best when writing this fic, but i’m a english-speaking westerner, and i’m just writing this for fun so...... [excuses and alterations the person has chosen to make in this light],” going hand-in-hand with a preoccupation with authenticity or even overreliance on the unpaid labor of chinese friends and acquaintances. 

consider: hugh honour when he quotes a man from the 1640s claiming “chinoiserie of this even more hybrid kind had become so far removed from genuine Chinese tradition that it was exported from India to China as a novelty to the Chinese themselves” 

these tensions coexist, and look how they have been resolved.

second, consider what we vest in objects themselves: beaujot explains how the fan became a sexualized, coquettish object in the hands of a british woman, but was used to great effect in gilbert and sullivan’s 1885 mikado to demonstrate the docility of asian women. 

consider: these characters became expressions of your sexual desires and fetishes, even as their 5’10 actors themselves are emasculated.

what is liberating for one necessitates the subjugation and fetishization of the other. 

third, consider reactions to the practice: enjoyment of chinese objects as a sign of your cosmopolitan palate vs “so what’s the hype about those ancient chinese gays” pop culture explainers that addressed the unconvinced mainstream.

consider: zuroski describes how both english consumers purchased china in droves, and contemporary publications reported on them. how: 

It was in the pages of these papers that the growing popularity of Chinese things in the early eighteenth century acquired the reputation of a “craze”; they portrayed china fanatics as flawed, fragile, and unreliable characters, and frequently cast chinoiserie itself in the same light.

referenda on fannish behavior serve as referenda on the objects of their devotion, and vice versa. as the difference between identity and fetish collapses, they come to be treated as one and the same by not just participants but their observers. 

at what point does mxtx fic cease to be chinese? 

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finally, it seems readily apparent that attitudes towards chinese objects may in fact have something to do with attitudes about china as a country. i do not want to suggest that these literary concerns are primarily motivated and begot by forces entirely divorced from the real mechanics of power. 

here, i want to bring in edward said, and his 1993 culture and imperialism. there, he explains how power and legitimacy go hand in hand. one is direct, and one is purely cultural. he originally wrote this in response to the outsize impact that british novelists have had in the maintenance of empire and throughout decolonization. literature, he argues, gives rise to powerful narratives that constrain our ability to think outside of them.

there’s a little bit of an inversion at play here. these are chinese novels, actually. but they’re being transformed by white narratives and artists. and just as i think the form of the novel is important to said’s critique, i think there’s something to be said about the form that fic takes and how it legitimates itself.

bound up in fandom is the idea that you have a right to create and transform as you please. it is a nice idea, but it is one that is directed towards a certain kind of asymmetry. that is, one where the author has all the power. this is the narrative we hear a lot in the history of fandom⁠—litigious authors and plucky fans, fanspaces always under attack from corporate sanitization.

meanwhile, said builds upon raymond schwab’s narrative of cultural exchange between european writers and cultural products outside the imperial core. said explains that fundamental to these two great borrowings (from greek classics and, in the so-called “oriental renaissance” of the late 18th, early 19th centuries from “india, china, japan, persia, and islam”) is asymmetry. 

he had argued prior, in orientalism, that any “cultural exchange” between “partners conscious of inequality” always results in the suffering of the people. and here, he describes how “texts by dead people were read, appreciated, and appropriated” without the presence of any actual living people in that tradition. 

i will not understate that there is a certain economic dynamic complicating this particular fannish asymmetry. mxtx has profited materially from the success of her works, most fans will not. also secondly, mxtx is um. not dead. LMAO.

but first, the international dynamic of extraction that said described is still present. i do not want to get overly into white attitudes towards china in this post, because i am already thoroughly derailed, but i do believe that they structure how white cnovel fandom encounters this texts.

at any rate, any profit she receives is overwhelmingly due to her domestic popularity, not her international popularity. (i say this because many of her international fans have never given her a cent. in fact, most of them have no real way to.) and moreover, as we talk about the structure of english-language fandom, what does it mean to create chinese cultural products without chinese people? 

as white people take ownership over their versions of stories, do we lose something? what narratives about engagement with cnovels might exist outside of the form of classic fandom?

i think a lot of people get the relationship between ideas (the superstructure) and production (the base) confused. oftentimes they will lob in response to criticism, that look! this fic, this fandom, these people are so niche, and so underrepresented in mainstream culture, that their effects are marginal. i am not arguing that anyone’s cql fic causes imperialism. (unless you’re really annoying. then it’s anyone’s game) 

i’m instead arguing something a little bit different. i think, given similar inputs, you tend to get similar outputs. i think we live in the world that imperialism built, and we have clear historical predecessors in terms of white appetites for creating, consuming, and transforming chinese objects. 

we have already seen, in the case of the fan language meme that began this post, that sometimes we even prefer this white chinoiserie. after all, isn’t it beautiful, too? 

i want to bring discomfort to this topic. i want to reject the paradigm of white subject and chinese object; in fact, here in this essay, i have tried to reverse it.

if you are taken aback by the comparisons i make here, how can you make meaningful changes to your fannish practice to address it? 

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some concluding thoughts on the matter, because i don’t like being misunderstood! 

i am not claiming white fans cannot create fanworks of cnovels or be inspired by asian art or artists. this essay is meant to elaborate on the historical connection between victorian england and cnovel characters and fandom that others have already popularized.

i don’t think people who make victorian jokes are inherently bad or racist. i am encouraging people to think about why we might make them and/or share them

the connections here are meant to be more provocative than strictly literal. (e.g. i don’t literally think writing fanfic is a 1-1 descendant of japanning). these connections are instead meant to 1) make visible the baggage that fans of color often approach fandom with and 2) recontextualize and defamiliarize fannish practice for the purposes of honest critique

please don’t turn this post into being about other different kinds of discourse, or into something that only one “kind” of fan does. please take my words at face value and consider them in good faith. i would really appreciate that.

please feel free to ask me to clarify any statements or supply more in-depth sources :)