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sashred · 3 years ago

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Tension, Pt. 2

Well, this happened. I sincerely want to thank everyone for their kind responses. It's reminded me of why I used to love writing fanfiction so much. I never planned to write a second part to this either...yet here we are…the final bit, some laughs and some sexiness ahead. It’s not terribly long, but I had a blast writing it.

You can find Part 1 HERE.

Thanks, and enjoy!

“So, I’m curious. Genuinely curious. How in the hell is Tim supposed to pull this off?” Lucy asked, the concept pictures Nyla had spread out on the conference room table ranging from tatted skinheads to strung out tweekers. Some of the tougher pics maybe…she had seen him take on bikers before and kick some serious ass, but it was all so opposite of everything he was, it seriously stretched her imagination.

“Thankfully, our undercover prep team is ridiculously talented,” Nyla answered. “You’d be surprised how easy it can be to fall into character once you really look the part. They’ll be here in a bit to do you up, too. Bradford should be finished by now. I really hope you like leather.”

“Some is fine but maybe not…” she turned one of the pictures sideways, trying to determine just how the heck the woman in it had buckled all of the straps wrapped around her legs and arms, “maybe not a whole bodysuit.”

“No promises. Lopez may have gotten a little…involved with the whole process. Fair warning. Now, you sure you have all of your background info memorized? Anything you still have questions about?”

“No, Tim and I pretty much nailed it down last night,” she said, now studying a drawing of some woman that looked suspiciously like her, leather vest partially unbuttoned and nearly bursting at the top seams.

“Oh,” Nyla nodded, leaning against the table. “How did that go?”

Lucy looked up at Nyla’s entirely too casual tone. Her hawklike eyes were studying Lucy with a little too much interest. She put the drawing down.

“Fine. Just fine,” she said, plastering a smile on her face. “We really got into the details. Couldn’t be more prepared.”

“Uh huh,” she drawled. “Details. Yeah, those are important. You, uh, cover all the basics too?”

“Of course,” Lucy answered quickly. “All the bases, er, basics.” Her right was thumb fiddling with the ring on her finger. Nyla’s gaze seemed to zero in on the movement, so she stopped.

“Well, sounds like you’ve got it covered, then. If you need to talk about anything, just let me know. This is a little bit different from the op you worked as Nova. You’ve got a partner with you this time, and while it might make some things easier, it can also make things a hell of a lot more complicated. Keep your head on your shoulders and try not to lose yourself too much. This could be a lengthy operation, but remember that there’s an end to everything, and you need to be prepared to go back to the way things were when it’s over.”

Her words were too perceptive, likely filled with her own experiences and mistakes, and Lucy was damn grateful to have someone like her in her corner.

“I get it,” Lucy nodded, “I appreciate it, too. Trust me, that whole complicated part…”

“Is about to get even worse,” Nyla sighed, “and there’s nothing you can do except stay grounded, and remember who the both of you really are, no matter what happens.”

“I will do my best to remember that,” she said, her insides back to the mess they were the night before. She was nervous too, more nervous than she’d realized, and things were seriously about to get real.

“You’ve got this, Lucy,” Nyla said, eyes darting to the door as voices approached. “You and Tim work better together than any other set of partners I’ve seen since being in this precinct. If you guys can’t do this, no one else has a chance in hell.”

“SOMEBODY BRING ME MY PHONE NOW.”

Lucy’s head whipped around as she heard Angela’s shout from outside the door. “This is too good, I swear I am keeping a picture of you like this in my line up book for the rest of forever.”

Lucy and Nyla traded glances, the conference room door bursting open towards them. Angela swept in, her eyes alight with laughter and mischief.

“Have you seen him yet?” she asked, stopping in front of Lucy. A male voice behind her grumbled something about going to wait in the locker room, and she whipped around. “Hey! Nope, you better get your ass back here, I am not missing their reactions! And who is bringing me my damn phone!?”

“What in the world is going on?” Lucy asked, standing on tip toes as she tried to look past Angela. She put her hands on Lucy’s shoulders.

“I would like to present to you, mine and the undercover op team’s greatest creation ever,” she swept her right arm back, turning as she did. “Jake, the angry biker dude.”

Tim, or at least someone who vaguely looked like him, stood behind her, his eyes firmly fixed on the ceiling, hands shoved in his pockets.

“What the actual…”

Lucy was speechless. Nothing about him looked like the Tim she knew, except of course for the scowl on his face. His jeans were dirty, and the random band tshirt he wore showed off not one but two whole sleeves of fake tattoos. His hair was slicked back with gel, and it was obvious he hadn’t shaved that morning, more so even than she thought it would be.

“I am a genius.” Angela marveled at her work, Tim shooting her a glare. “Oh! And look at this.” She went over and snatched his arm, dragging him towards Lucy. She held it up for her, and there, on his right bicep just above her hand, was the drawing Lucy thought had looked too much like her, brought to life in salacious detail.

“Please tell me that’s not…”

Angela nodded enthusiastically. “It is. Isn’t it great? I had a friend draw it up.”

Lucy inspected it closer, and while a few things looked off, she had to admit it really wasn’t bad.

“They certainly enhanced some of my…assets,” she grinned. “And I’m not mad about it.” Nyla snorted from behind her, and Tim jerked his arm away.

“Ok, enough. You got to gawk, but guess who’s turn it is now?” He crossed his arms, though the imperial effect it usually gave was dampened greatly. Lucy snickered again, but her smile faded as Angela wrapped her arms around her and began steering her towards the door.

“You are going to love the outfits I –”

Nyla cleared her throat, and Angela sighed.

“Okay fine, the outfits we picked out for you.”

“Wait, do I get tattoos too?” Lucy asked, an image of her very own Tim pinup tat giving her serious pause. She wondered how they even got hers on him.

“Naturally,” Angela answered. “You’re getting the works today.”

“Oh. Wonderful?” If the top she wore in that drawing was any indication of Angela’s vision for her, it was going to be a very long day indeed. Tim was clearly enjoying her unease as Angela tugged her along, his grin far too smug.

Well, that wouldn’t do.

“Hey, you think maybe I can get some fake nails, too? Like the really pointy ones?” Lucy asked, her tone hopeful.

“Oh my God, that is a great idea. I’ll call my cousin, he owes me a favor anyway.”

The smug grin was gone, Tim’s eyes now narrowed. Calculating.

She gave a shrug and smirked back at him. Two could play at that game.

What went unnoticed by the pair was the exasperated look Nyla exchanged with Angela over Lucy’s head, just before Angela glanced upward to offer a quick prayer for them all.

~~~

How exactly Lucy ended up sprawled across Tim’s lap, one of his hands cupping her neck and the other dangerously high on her thigh, would be the subject of many debates for years to come. Depending on who answered the question, it was either Lucy’s idea so that they could more seamlessly blend into the background and hear more conversations, or Tim’s because it gave them a distinct strategic advantage and made it easier to communicate.

Either way, Tim was now communicating quite effectively with his mouth hot on her skin, one of the other gang members giving him an “atta boy” nod as he dropped a packet of white power on the table beside him. “It’ll keep you going all night, trust me,” he leered, eyes not failing to give Lucy a slimy once over.

“Hell yeah, man. Appreciate it,” Tim said, reaching over for a fist bump. “Might need some more for my girl, though. She’s gonna have a hard time keeping up with me tonight.” He squeezed her thigh, rocking her backwards against him, and she smiled wider than any of the tweekers around her.

“So little faith,” she purred, sliding her hand down his chest, and lower.

“Phew doggies you got your hands full. Congrats on the patch, and I’ll leave you to it, man. Enjoy the party!” He walked off, and Lucy slid herself all the way around until she faced Tim in a straddle, her legs folded and tucked against his on the ratty sofa.

Loud rock music pulsed around them, other women and men in varying states of dress lounging about, sexing about. Tim had finally been initiated into the Death Dealer’s, (Lucy still couldn’t say their name without wanting to laugh), and the piles of meth and cocaine that surrounded them in that clubhouse were enough for about fifty intent-to-sell charges. With all the other evidence they’d gathered over the past two weeks, she’d be surprised if the feds didn’t go all in with a RICO charge.

“You think this will be enough?” she murmured lowly, barely a breath’s distance away from his lips. She picked the packet up and slipped it in her pocket, just in case the guy came back and wanted to know why Tim hadn’t indulged in his party favor.

“Should be,” he answered. “I doubt we’ll have to crash here for much longer.” She caught his drift, the double speak in which they’d been forced to communicate now like a second language to her. She almost felt bad for the skinheads, but also not at all. They had taken her and Tim in so easily, buying their story about being drug dealers on the run and in the market for a new buyer and club, and without too much scrutiny. As soon as they found out Lucy really could cook the goods, it was all downhill from there. They’d worked them over but good, and with only a few bruises to show for it.

Tim’s initiation had happened earlier that very day. The only requirement beyond the “loyalty” he showed and the drugs they provided was to fight one of the street level guys. Needless to say, he’d laid the man out cold on the concrete, and quite spectacularly. Tim had chalked it up to self-defense, so it wasn’t technically illegal, but anyone who saw how quickly he took the upper hand might have argued differently. Lucy was no stranger to that side of Tim, though it had been a while since she’d seen it. He was amped up for hours after, and it had taken her forever to finally get him to sit still long enough for her to patch up the few cuts he had. Later, when they’d been alone in their crappy motel room, he’d apologized for going too far…for the way he’d practically attacked her immediately afterwards.

Tim was breathing hard, the front of his shirt soaked in sweat, blood bright on his jaw and lip as he stalked towards her. The man he’d been given to fight laid unmoving on the ground, a nasty cut above his right eye. The rest of the bikers were cheering and whooping behind him, some calling Tim “brother,” other’s catcalling as he grabbed a hold of her arm and pulled her roughly against him.

“Yeah, get your girl, Jake. That was a damn good fight!” the gang’s leader, Black Foot, jeered above all the rest. Lucy had no time to react before Tim was kissing her hard, both hands gripping her ass as he hauled her upwards, her legs automatically wrapping around his waist as she held on for dear life. His lips were forceful and the kiss sharp, the smooth glide of his tongue over hers the only softness to it. She tasted the salt of his blood and sweat, and felt him as her core grinded against his. Once her brain finally caught up with what was happening, she made sure to rake those fake nails through his gelled hair, mussing it to the point where it almost looked like normal. It went on for way longer than it needed to, until her face began to sting from his beard as it scraped harshly against her skin, but she honestly didn’t care. No one had ever kissed her like that before; nothing even came close. She was panting by the end of it, legs cramping as he finally lowered her back to the ground.

“Party at the clubhouse! We have a new initiate!” Black Foot hollered, the others shouting wildly behind him. Lucy swiped her thumb over the lipstick she’d left on Tim’s lips, his gaze and breath heavy as he kept her close, hands rough against her skin as they slid under both her leather jacket and t-shirt.

Yeah, she was so totally screwed.

“Think it’s about time we went somewhere more private?” Tim asked, those same hands running up and down her sides, his eyes fixed on the door. It was just a tad conspicuous, so Lucy leaned in and pressed her lips against his softly, bringing his attention immediately back to her.

“When I’m feeling it,” she answered, pecking his lips again just because she could. “Don’t get too excited.”

They were waiting for Nyla’s signal. Some errant delivery guy was supposed to knock on the door with Chinese food, and when he did, they’d know it was time to get out of the line of fire. She figured it wouldn’t be too long now, the camera Lucy had in her purse picking up more than enough to give them probable cause. It was just a waiting game at this point.

“You’re the boss,” he sighed, shifting under her. His leg accidentally brushed her center, and Lucy inhaled sharply. The look in his eyes was a tad too knowing for her liking.

Maybe not so accidentally.

“Seriously?” she hissed, and he had the nerve to look offended.

“My leg was falling asleep.”

“Yeah, sure it was, Jake,” she whispered, scootching herself further up his legs.

“Lu – Chrissy,” he growled. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”

“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” she asked, tilting her head. An evil thought began to take hold, and she couldn’t help the smirk that slowly spread across her face. Before Tim could answer, Lucy wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing her chest against his, the push-up bra Angela had no doubt snuck into her undercover wardrobe being put to good use as her cleavage spilled from the top of her plunging, ripped tee.

“What are you doing?” he demanded lowly, eyes closed as she leaned even further against him.

Lucy put her lips against his ear, whispering softy. “My job, sir.”

His grip on her sides tightened almost painfully, the glee at having garnered a reaction sparking through her. There was absolutely no denying the way she was affecting him, and at that moment, despite not knowing where “Chrissy” ended and “Lucy” began, it gave her no less pleasure as he cursed filthily into her hair before grasping the back of her neck and hauling her lips against his.

Yeah, she was screwed, and no, things were not going to be the same after this. Lucy had ignored the most important advice Nyla could have given her. She was in far too deep, and utterly lost in the way Tim, not Jake, kissed her.

Even as that loud knock resounded throughout the room moments later, and they immediately broke apart, back to business and readying for the breach, Lucy knew she wouldn’t be able to sit beside Tim in that shop again. Not if it meant pretending this never happened. Not if he expected her to play along like normal, like her world hadn’t been completely flipped on its head. This was the turning point, the moment where something either began or ended, and she found herself wishing with everything she had that there was still so much more to come.

#chenford #chenford fanfic #tim x lucy

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adhd-disaster-willie · 4 years ago

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you're the one that brings the sun; chapter 1/6

Summary: Alex is prepared for every single variable except, apparently, the one in which his roommate is drop dead gorgeous and Alex is an absolute clusterfuck of a human being who falls for the first pretty boy on he sees on campus.

Willex roommate au!

Warnings: Swearing

Notes: The title is from the song “I Dare You” by the Regrettes. I’ve actually planned this fic out so here’s to hoping I don’t get burned out halfway through. It might end up having 6 or 7 chapters, 5 is kind of just an estimate.

---

When Alex was 11, his mother proudly plastered his report card to the fridge and exclaimed that one day, her little boy would go to Harvard. His father gripped his shoulder with pride and Alex beamed up at his parents like they’d just told him he had superpowers. 3 years later, he was 14 and teetering on the edge of failure in the majority of his classes. He wasn’t stupid by any means, just preoccupied. He’d started a band with his best friends and that felt like the most important thing in the whole world, and high school was new and scary, so it was easier to not pour all his focus into school. His parents’ smiles faltered but they kept up hope, Alex could tell. 2 years later, he stood shaking and crying outside of the Molina’s garage and suddenly, the concept of going to college begun to feel distant and fake. But he’s 18 now, and somehow, miraculously, gazing at the piles of boxes in the back of Ray’s car and swallowing down a lump in his throat.

It sure isn’t Harvard, but a part of Alex feels giddy at the fact that he’s attending a public college that was relatively easy to get into; oh his parents would be rolling in their proverbial graves. What didn’t make him quite so happy though, was the looming fact that he’d be living with some random person, because for some godforsaken reason, the college wouldn’t allow freshmen to choose their roomates. Some bullshit about meeting new people and socializing.

“Hey, ‘Lex. Dude, you’ll be fine.” Luke shakes his shoulders, before swinging one arm around him and the other around Reggie.

“Says the one who isn’t even going to college,” Alex grumbles, slipping from Luke’s grip and into the front seat of the car.

“Yea cause I don’t need it. Not my fault you’re both nerds,” Luke retorts.

“I’m not a nerd, I just like to have insurance-”

“Yea, back-up plan, safety net, heard it a million times. Reggie’s a nerd though.”

“Old news, dude,” Alex says.

“I am not a nerd!” Reggie protests indignantly.

“Tell that to your 2 years of college credit in math.”

Luke nods in agreement. “Nerd.”

“Math is fun!”

“You’re horrible.” Alex makes a mock gagging noise.

Julie comes bounding out of the house, her arms decked with various baked goods. She tosses herself in the backseat beside Reggie and Luke, looking quite pleased with herself at being able to force Luke to sit in the middle. “Tía was apparently up all night baking,” she explains, passing the sweets up to Alex. “Don’t be surprised if she shows up at your dorm with food every day.”

Alex snorts. “I would not object to that.”

Julie sighs, leaning back in her seat. “You guys are so lucky, I’m tired of high school. Damn September birthday,” Julie grumbles. Her birthday is just after the cut off date, so she would be 18 for the majority of senior year, but is just barely too young to be in the same grade as the boys.

Reggie leans over and pats her arm sympathetically, earning an offended squeak from Luke, who’s only pushed further into the back of the seat.

“Don’t worry!” Alex chirps sarcastically. “You get to spend more time with Luke, since he’ll be squatting in your garage!”

“Oh, joy,” Julie deadpans.

“I am not a squatter!” Luke protests, kicking the back of Alex’s seat.

“No kicking! I’m holding food!”

“Y’know Alex, you’ve been staying in the studio for 2 years, you’re not one to talk!” Luke argues.

“I have a job.”

“A stupid job.”

“A stupid job that gets you free coffee.”

Reggie nodds to that, chewing on a cookie. “Can’t risk losing your coffee privileges.”

Julie groans loudly and stuck her head out the window. “DAAAAD! Let’s goooo!” She cries.

“Wow, I didn’t know you wanted to get rid of me so badly,” Alex says, clutching his chest dramatically.

“Oh shut up Lexi, I just wanna meet your’s and Reggie’s new best friends!” Julie says, laughing.

“I’m not gonna be best friends with my roommate.”

“Yea, Alex forgot how to do that!”

“Luke I will smother you in your sleep!”

At this, Ray approaches the car with a raised eyebrow. “No one’s planning a murder, I hope?” He asks, chuckling as he slides into the drivers seat.

“No sir!” Reggie replies, grinning.

“Not yet,” Alex mumbles under his breath.

“Alright boys, who’s ready for college!” Ray says, starting the car.

“I’m gonna be sick.”

---

“And that’s the last of it!” Ray claps a hand over Alex’s shoulder and smiles encouragingly.

Alex nods tensely, gripping the strap of his fannypack tighter.

The dorm’s probably as good as he’s gonna get. One reasonably sized bedroom complete with two horribly uncomfortable beds, a kitchen with a fridge that was in no way large enough to fit even a weeks worth of meals, a tiny living room that would probably fit a couch and a TV at the most, and a bathroom that smelled suspiciously of mustard. Really it isn’t terrible, but Alex has a habit of noticing every little detail, especially the ones that could be a problem at some point. His roommate hasn’t arrived yet, so he’s standing amongst his various boxes, anxiety pulsing in his chest.

Julie grips his hand tightly and smiles, tears pricking the edges of her eyes. “Hey, Alex, you’re gonna be okay.” She squeezes his hand briefly.

Alex nods, exhaling shakily. “Yea, yea I know. It’s just…”

“A change, I know. But this is a good change. And-” she hauls Reggie and Luke over to them. “-we’re all here if you need to call someone and talk. And dad, and Tía, and I bet your roommate will be super cool.”

“Or a serial killer.”

“Just pray he’s not a football player,” Reggie stage-whispers, shuddering.

“God, don’t even suggest that!” Alex whines.

Encouragements and teary hugs are passed along, as well as a promise to meet at the Olive Garden nearby for dinner in a few hours, and then Alex’s posse is off to get Reggie settled, and Alex is left alone in the dorm. Alright.

Alex takes a deep breath, steeling himself, before beginning to wander the dorm. He’s anxious to start unpacking without his roommate and risk doing something that they wouldn’t like. Even choosing a bed feels wrong, he really doesn’t want to get off on the wrong foot with this person. But leaving the dorm meant people everywhere so that was a definite no. He sighs, lowering himself to the wooden floor and pulling out his phone.

“Yea… uh huh. Yes Caleb, I got here fine. No the Uber driver did not try and kidnap me. The boxes- the boxes are not too heavy. Okay. Okay. Yea, bye. Mhm.”

Alex looks up hesitantly upon hearing the voice nearing his dorm. The person standing in the doorway is well… less of a person and more of a large stack of boxes threatening to fall over any second. “Hello?” Alex stands up and makes his way to the boy stood in the entrance.

Said boy pokes his head out from behind his boxes and grins crookedly. “Hi, uh, I’m Willie!” And well, Alex is a goner. He swallows thickly, breath catching in the back of his throat. Willie attempts to adjust the boxes but ultimately fails, sending them tumbling to the ground amongst several muttered curses. “Well… nothing fragile in there,” he falters slightly. “I think.”

“Um…”

“Right! Sorry, uh.” Willie holds his hand out and Alex shakes it tentatively.

“Alex.”

“Alex, cool.” Willie smiles again, his dark eyes twinkling as he does so, smile lines popping out. He brushes his hair -which looks so soft and pretty- behind his ear to reveal a small golden hoop on his right lobe. Alex is dead, actually 100% dead. Because he’d been prepared for every single variable except, apparently, the one in which his roommate is drop dead gorgeous and Alex is an absolute clusterfuck of a human being who falls for the first pretty boy on he sees on campus.

Alex forces out a smile, all too aware that he’s still standing stiff and awkward in front of Willie, his grip on his fannypack tight enough to make his knuckles glow white. Then Willie coughs as some sort of attempt to fill the silence. “Sorry!” Alex squeaks. “Do you need help with the… the uh, boxes?”

“Oh yea, that’d be great!” Willie replies, beaming. “I don’t think there’s anything fragile in there, but y’know, my memory is absolute shit so if I broke some fancy china dishes I didn’t even know I owned, don’t be too shocked.”

Alex laughs anxiously. “Yea uh… I didn’t start unpacking cause I um… I didn’t want to claim a bed and stuff with-without your input?” His voice cracks at the end and he winces because Jesus fucking christ Alex.

Willie chuckles and Alex notes that he has the kind of laugh that echoes through your whole body and settles right in your heart. “ ‘S cool, man, I don’t mind.”

“Right, cool. Do you uh… are you okay if I take the bed farthest from the window? I’m not- not much of a morning person, and the window is… it’s east facing” Alex mutters, his gaze focused on his feet which are rocking back and forth at a rapid pace.

“Yea, of course,” Willie replies. “I don’t think I’ve woken up later than 8 in 5 years.”

“That’s horrific!” Alex cries, momentarily forgetting his anxiety. He steps back and blushes an even deeper red upon realizing how stupid he’s being. “I mean- I just… sorry, I just meant that-”

“You’re good, dude. I don’t bite.”

Alex cracks a tentative smile. “So uh… I’ll just start unpacking then.”

Willie shoots him a thumbs up and smiles once again, which is a thing he apparently does a lot.

An hour later, Alex’s belongings are unpacked and organized and the room feels a bit more his. He feels slightly lighter, exhaling and closing his eyes briefly. This isn’t so bad. Fiddling with the hem of his hoodie, he shuffles out into the living room where Willie is presumably unpacking. Except that he’s not.

Willie is laying upside down on a couch that somehow appeared while Alex was gone and he’s flipping through a tattered magazine while his belongings remain mostly unpacked.

“This quiz says that I should try roller skating,” Willie sniffs. “Some personality test this is- oh hey Alex!” He scrambles up so that he can look Alex in the eyes properly, and points to the magazine in his hand. “Found this in a box, not sure how it got there since I’ve never even subscribed to one of these, but there’s a chocolate chip cookie recipe in here.” He stops for a moment, pondering. “Personally I prefer peanut butter cookies, ooh especially fresh out of the oven. There’s this bakery near my house that-”

“Did you get… any unpacking done?” Alex asks, raising an eyebrow.

Willie looks around at his boxes and laughs sheepishly. “Well I unpacked one and opened 3 so… some, yes.”

“Where’d the couch come from?” Alex pokes the cushion warily, as if afraid that it’s full of bugs.

“Room across the hall,” Willie says, pointing. “They both brought couches and didn’t have room for two we got the one with more stains.”

“Right.” Alex’s reply is forced and tense, and he winces upon realizing. Truthfully, he hadn’t expected his roommate to become so comfortable so fast and he felt like he was several steps behind. Damn extroverts. Drumming his hands against his thighs, Alex slowly sits down on the other side of the couch, pointedly looking ahead instead of at Willie.

“So.” Willie scoots closer, sitting cross legged with his elbows on his thighs and chin resting in his palms. “What’s your major?”

Small talk, god Alex hates small talk. “Um, music,” he answers.

“Ah, that’s cool dude.” Willie nods.

“Uh, what about you?” Alex asks.

“Art,” Willie replies, grinning. “Be prepared for paint stains, like, everywhere.” He chuckles and nudges Alex’s shoulder playfully. Alex is going to implode, he’s sure of it.

Alex laughs awkwardly. “So uh… what’s wrong with rollerskating?”

Willie shoves his shoulder again. “Everything, dude! Well-” he cuts himself off, thinking. “-I just kinda suck at it, definitely better at my skateboard.” He jerks his head in the direction of a skateboard leaned against the wall and Alex wonders how he didn’t notice that.

“Oh, that’s- that’s cool. I rollerblade but I uh, I can’t skateboard to save my life.”

Somehow, they slip into a comfortable rhythm, and Alex notes that his anxiety no longer has him in a chokehold. Willie seems to have that affect; he’s just so… open. Alex doesn’t realize it yet, but he’s subconsciously created a folder in the back of his mind labelled “Willie,” and he doesn’t think he’s capable of forgetting anything Willie will ever say to him.

“- that’s why airplane food is just, horrible. Cause you basically lose like 30% of your tastebuds because of the elevation.” Willie smiles at Alex, gaging his response.

Alex would rather die than admit that he’s still trying to figure out how the topic of airplane food came up, so he just nods enthusiastically, actively stopping his eyes from dancing across Willie’s face, which is practically glowing in the evening sun. Evening. Shit. Alex pulls out his phone frantically. “Shit.” He says it out loud this time.

Willie’s brow furrows in confusion. “You good, dude?”

“Uh yea I’m just, I’m supposed to be meeting my fam- uh my friends for dinner and I have to be there in like 5 minutes.” He ignores the way Willie’s expression falls, convinced he’s just seeing things.

“Yea um, of course. I won’t keep you.” Willie stands up, his posture the stiffest that Alex has seen it in the whole 3 hours they’ve been acquainted for. “I’ll just… order a pizza.”

Alex hesitates in the doorway, weighing his options, which has never been his strong suit. “Do you want to join me?” He blurts impulsively. Willie looks at him in surprise. “I mean only- only if you want of course, we’ve only really uh, known each other for a few hours and you- you probably don’t want to, it was stupid. I’ll just- I’ll just go-”

“No! I’d… I’d like to, eating pizza alone in the dark sounds a little pathetic,” Willie responds.

Alex smiles genuinely. “Ok, ok that’s uh. Cool. That’s cool.”

---

Alex is already regretting this. The restaurant isn’t too crowded, he notices with a relieved breath. But it’s loud. It’s loud and yet only one group of people is talking. Alex doesn’t even need to guess who.

“Ok but- no- no- the whole song would be better!”

“Say banjo one more time, I dare you!”

“Banjo.”

“Julie, what the hell?! This is betrayal!”

“You stole my breadstick, it’s only fair.”

Alex coughs, quieting the table to a dull roar.

“Alex!” Julie pulls him down to sit next to her. “Oh? Who’s this?” Reggie is grinning wickedly and Luke waggles his eyebrows in a way that makes Alex want to shave them off.

“This is uh, my roommate Willie,” Alex responds, his voice raising an octave. “He didn’t have plans so I uh… I invited him, I hope that’s ok.”

“Of course it’s ok!” Julie pats the space on the other side of Alex and Willie sits down, appearing… oddly nervous.

“Congrats! Your Alex’s first new friend since,” Luke taps his chin, pretending to think. “7th grade.”

Alex’s face promptly falls into his hands. He’s seriously considering the whole, shaving Luke’s eyebrows in his sleep thing.

Reggie leans forward conspiratorially. “What’s your opinion on banjos?” He asks, making a point to ignore Luke’s dramatic complaining.

Willie raises his eyebrows, clearly confused. “Um. No comment?”

“I’m… sorry about them,” Alex says apolegetically. “Uh, this is Luke, Reggie, and Julie-” he gestures to each of them; Reggie waves, beaming happily. “-and Julie’s dad should be…” He trails off, looking around.

“He had to take a phone call, something about Carlos refusing to eat dinner until he proves the house is haunted,” Julie explains, clearly biting back a laugh.

“I… okay.” Alex shakes his head. “Are we waiting for more food or did Reggie eat it all?”

“Ha ha,” Reggie punctuates his statement by sticking out his tongue. “We’re waiting for the actual meals-”

“Yea Luke already ate the entire bread basket.” Julie shoots a glare in Luke’s direction.

“Well… you suggested we get hotdogs,” Luke grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. “Payback.”

“Okay,” Julie laughs.

Willie leans over to whisper loudly to Alex, “What’s the story with the hotdogs?”

“Don’t tell him!” Luke cries, leaning across the table and slamming his palms down.

“We don’t talk of the hot-dogs,” Reggie mutters miserably.

“Food poisoning.” Alex shudders slightly. “Very bad food poisoning.”

“We almost died,” Reggie says, eyes widening. “Like, for real death. I’m pretty sure I was a ghost for a few seconds.”

“Reg, you were not a ghost,” Alex says, speaking like Reggie’s a 10 year old talking about monsters under his bed.

“I was!”

“You were not!”

“So,” Luke smiles mischievously, taking Reggie and Alex’s bickering as an opportunity to apparently torture the latter. Despite Alex’s warning glares, he turns to Willie with an innocent expression. “What kind of music do you like?”

“Luke,” Alex hisses, all too familiar with Luke’s antics.

“Hmmm.” Willie is painfully oblivious to Alex’s panicked expression as he mulls over his answer. “A lot of stuff really.” He shrugs. “Rock, pop, I like those lo-fi playlists when I’m trying to study.”

Luke nods, clearly pleased with the answer, but he isn’t done and Alex wants to hide under the table. He knows what’s coming next. “Thoughts on… drummers?”

“Luke.” Alex is seconds from lunging across the table.

“Drummers?” Willie asks, tilting his head confusedly.

“Yup,” Luke says, popping the p and still smiling like he’s some sort of innocent puppy-dog and not an absolute bastard.

“Hot,” Willie jokes. Alex can’t even hide the way he manages to choke on his own spit, and Luke and Reggie have never been great at subtlety, turning to Alex with matching shit-eating grins. Willie either doesn’t notice or is kind enough not to comment on it. “Yea, pretty sure young Roger Taylor was my gay awakening.”

Reggie is full on giggling now, and Alex’s entire face is gleaming a bright red. Willie glances around the table, puzzled.

“Mhm.” Luke nods before swiftly turning to Alex. “Hey Alex, by the way, you left your drumsticks in the car, do you need them back?” His voice is sickeningly sweet, coated in some sort of poisoned honey. It’s Willie’s turn to choke on nothing, failing to disguise it as a spontaneous coughing fit.

“Fine,” Alex squeaks as he sinks further down in his seat. If he pulls out his phone and messages Luke a flurry of threats, that’s no one’s business. He dares a glance at Willie, who has become quite fascinated with his hands, which are tapping out a mindless rhythm on the table, his cheeks and the tips of his ears dusted red.

Needless to say, Alex makes sure Luke doesn’t even get to look at the next bread basket.

---

I hope you liked it! Tell me if you want to be added to the taglist :)

I’m hoping to update at least once a week, but who knows. Ok thats all.

chapter 2

Chapter 3

chapter 4

chapter 5

chapter 6

#willex #jatp #willex fic #jatp fic #julie and the phantoms #alex mercer #willie jatp #willie nolastname #julie molina #luke patterson #reggie peters #ray molina #willow writes #ytotbts #you’re the one that brings the sun

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thefanfictionartist · 4 years ago

Text

Stress Relief

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou X Y/N

Summary: After a messy break up with another blonde peer, Y/N is left with pent up frustration, making it difficult to focus on third year exams. While studying with the Bakusquad, she notices a similar frustration in Bakugou. How are they going to relieve that stress?

Word Count: 3.8k

Rated M for Mature; intended for 18+ audiences.

A/N: Those of you with Wattpad may have seen this story from my one-shot book already.

Part Two

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Boys are dumb."

That was the first conclusion you had come up with while sitting with your best friend, Mina Ashido, at lunch. As you slump over in your seat and place your head in your heads, she wraps her arms around you in consolation.

"Well.. I can't exactly argue with you on that one." The pink-skinned girl manages a small glance to a few of the class 1-A boys.

One of which had managed to short circuit himself while charging five phones at once, the others nearly collapsing with their laughter at their friend. Mina manages a sigh before casting her gaze back onto you.

"Look, you know that he's just trying to get under your skin." She states before pulling away to take a sip of her soda.

You know exactly who she's talking about because she knows exactly why you're upset.

It was all because of a stupid dreamy blond in class 1-B. Neito Monoma. As of the current moment, you can't remember what you ever really saw in him. Why would anyone date such an egotistical ass? Risking it all, you take a chance with looking towards his usual seat in the cafeteria to find him looking right at you. And you know what he does when he sees you?

He winks.

Like you didn't catch him a few weeks ago with Yaoyorozu.

Huffing in slight embarrassment, you turn back to your own table, swearing to yourself that you won't ever look his way again. "Nei-" No. He doesn't deserve for his first name to be used by you anymore. "Mr. Copycat can go fuck himself. I don't fucking care."

You scowl, taking an aggressive bite of soba.

"Besides, the final exams are coming up. I don't have the energy to even think about him." You recollect, reverting to thinking about the study session the Bakusquad planned for this weekend. Mina gives you a blinding smile and a thumbs up.

"There's the spirit, Y/N!" Her enthusiasm is hard not to mirror as lunch goes on and it ends with soba noodles nearly spurting from your nose because you were laughing so hard.

- - - - -

Classes had just ended for the week and you're pretty sure that you have lost knowledge rather than attaining more. Thank god for this study session or you would be failing your third year at UA.

You rub your head, feeling a headache coming on as you try to recite important hero laws you've been taught earlier in the year. Feet dragging you into the dorms, you plop onto the couch of the common room without thinking about it. "Always be aware of your surroundings.. Do anything in your power to keep civilians safe.. Keep track of villains and whether or not you know their quirks.." Starting to mumble situational rules, you miss the extra presence in the room.

"Oh, hey Y/N!"

Kirishima's voice snaps you from your mantra, your head whipping around to look at him. "What's up, Kiri?"

"We're all meeting up in Bakugou's room to start cramming. Kaminari wanted to start a little earlier than planned and I thought you might want to join." Sheepishly scratching the back of his neck, he gives you a friendly sharp-toothed smile, which manages to raise your spirits a bit.

Nodding, you are already out of your seat. "Yeah, I'll be there I just have to grab my notes from my dorm first."

Memorizing these things would be much easier with other people helping you remember. It always was. But somehow, you still felt distracted from your studies. You knew exactly why but also refused to dwell on the subject any longer. It wasn't worth your time.

Just as promised, you showed up at Bakugou's door a few minutes later with your 'cram-sesh' bag.

It was really just a bag filled with all of your notes, bunches of blank index cards, and an incessant amount of snacks. Because chewing can help you study better? You are pretty sure you heard that somewhere.

Opening the door, you find Kaminari and Sero looking at Bakugou with the most dumbfounded expressions you've ever seen.

"Oi! It's not that fucking hard-" Said Pomeranian was already fuming at the pair. "Just divide 78 from x and do it to the other side! It's literally the easiest question in the study guide!"

A small chuckle causes the edges of your lips to curl up in amusement with Bakugou's fit of anger as you sit down beside Mina and Kirishima, ready to fill out flash cards like your life depended on it.

For the next few hours you had tuned the yelling out so you could focus on what concepts you were sure you didn't get. Working with Kirishima and Mina was a breeze, although you felt bad sticking Bakugou with two boys who seem to have negative brain cells around one another. Managing a glance to the trio proves that it's the worst thing for Bakugou, the one of the three that not only looks like he might explode from anger, but could possibly explode. Averting your eyes to the clock, you almost gasp at the time.

No wonder you were feeling drowsy.

It was almost one in the morning. "Hey, hedgehog!" You call to Bakugou after a hefty yawn. "You got any of those energy drinks left?" The plan was to stay up all night tonight for a cramming session, although another glance to the two you were studying with proves that only one person was left. Unsure of when Kirishima left you shrug off the thought. He must need his manly sleep or whatever he calls it.

Wordlessly, Bakugou leans back to open a mini fridge behind him and grab an energy drink to toss to you.

He appears to be long done with the two boys sat beside him like lost puppies. Or at least his patience with them is completely shredded. Not to mention they didn't look like they could handle understanding any more information. "Kaminari, Sero, why don't you guys head to bed for a few hours?"

"Brain need sleep." Kaminari mutters, getting up and walking out the door without blinking. Sero follows him in a similar state, but still manages to say goodnight to the remaining three in the room.

You can hear Bakugou sigh in relief from the other side of the room as you look to Mina, fully intent on continuing with the flash cards you were quizzing each other with. Although, you find her with her hand covering her mouth as she yawns. "I'm gonna catch a few z's I think. But I'll be back around 8 in the morning." Granting her a smile, you nod, letting her head off to bed, although you were disappointed since you felt like you were making progress.

"Yeah, I'll be here, studying. Goodnight, Mina." Bakugou merely grunts in acknowledgment as Mina leaves you two alone in the room.

This definitely wasn't the first time you had been in Bakugou's room alone while studying. But it was the first time that you noted Bakugou was so.. tense. "Were the boys really that bad?" One of your eyebrows quirks in curiosity to his enhanced sense of irritation. A quick flash of red tells you that Bakugou is glaring daggers at you from your simple question.

"Tch. They're always bad." You note the roll of his eyes before the crimson hues land on whatever study guide he has in front of him.

Scooting your work so that the papers are sprawled closer to your study buddy, you lean against his bed, still laser focused on how frustrated he seemed. "And? You're normally more patient with them.. It takes at least two hours before your screaming, typically."

"Whatever."

You click your tongue, deciding to leave the topic for the moment. "Can you quiz me on these really quick? I think I have them down by now." The stack of index cards you had filled out with Mina ends up on top of the paper that Bakugou is focused on.

The blond makes a small noise of irritation and for a moment, you swear he's about to blow up on you.

Instead, he neatly collects the index cards and sets them to the side of his own paper. "Yeah, I need a break first. Dunce face is exhausting."

You nod, cracking open the energy drink you were given not to long ago while Bakugou does the same. Sighing contently, you can already feel the 300 mg of caffeine beginning it's work. "Want any snacks?" Looking to Bakugou, you point at your bag as you refer to snacks, knowing that he'd probably steal all of your Takis.

It doesn't take long for him to find the sacred bag of spicy chips that he craved. "Thanks." He utters, settling down as he has himself a little midnight snack break.

Both of you sit in silence for a minute and surprisingly, you aren't the one to break that bubble.

Bakugou glances to you confusedly, something weighing on his mind. "What's the deal with you and that copycat bastard lately? I thought you two couldn't breathe without sucking faces every hour." He smirks, containing a chuckle. Really, he was relieved he didn't have to witness it for the past few weeks. The scene could make anyone uncomfortable.

Your face flushes red in frustration at the mention of He-Who-You-Swore-Not-To-Name. Not able to bring yourself to look at Bakugou, you fiddle with a stray pencil on the floor.

"We broke up."

Keeping your tone curt, you make it clear that this is not a subject you'd like to discuss. In fact, it was the one thing that actually messed with you at this point. You hated that He-Who-You-Swore-Not-To-Name had this kind of hold on you. A hold that distracted you and made you question whether or not you should go back to him.

"He cheated on me." You decide to give further explanation to a speechless Bakugou, pretending to write notes on a mostly blank paper.

"Shit- I-" He stumbles over his words, smirk falling.

Offering a small smile, you finally look back at him. "It's fine... I only miss him for the stress relief anyways." Adding a small remark seems to put Bakugou back into his normal, non-sympathetic state.

"Huh?"

"He's a shitty boyfriend, but a good fuck." You put it into terms Bakugou would be more likely to understand. "Now will you stop eating the damn chips and quiz me on the rest of the flash cards."

"Tch." A dusting of pink momentarily appears on Bakugou's cheeks, but he seems to ignore it as he picks up the index cards again. "Describe the Crime Control Theory."

"Pfft. That's easy." The remark leaves your lips before you really reach into the depths of your mind for the answer. "It's.." Oh no. Didn't you just go over that with Mina. "It's.." Trying to actually think about it makes you realize that your mind has been bombarded with the crummy memory of He-Who-You-Swore-Not-To-Name, so, you huff and bullshit your way through the answer.

"It's obviously the theory that.. theoretically.. describes how to control crime?"

A scowl from Bakugou tells you that you most definitely have the answer wrong. "Are you really that much of a dumbass?" He says it so patronizingly that you're almost personally offended.

"Hey! It's not like that. I've just had a rough few weeks, alright? Give me a break." You pout. "Maybe if I help you study something I'll pick up something? What are you working on?" Reaching towards the blonde male, you grab the paper he seemed to be writing on previously, much to his own shame.

"What the fuck is this?" You don't mean to sound rude when you ask the question you're just shocked.

Instead of finding a paper with neat answers to question and nice notes in the margins, you discover that whatever work was on the paper has been completely covered with angry scribbles. Looking at Bakugou, you can tell that even he's disappointed in himself. His head hangs low and he can't seem to bring himself to look you in the eyes. "I don't fucking know! I was fine with geometry a week ago and.." He lets out an exasperated noise, hitting the back of his head on his bed.

"Somethings wrong with me. All I can think about it that shitty written final test and how I can't fail it. I need to be a hero but that means I need to graduate."

All that you find yourself responding with is a resounding laugh, so powerful that you're clutching your stomach.

"Oh my- Bakugou, do you hear yourself right now?"

Boom Boom Boy sends a piercing glare to you. "Shut up! Just forget I said anything, idiot!"

"That not what I-" You take a deep breath to stop most of your laughing. "I meant it's ridiculous for you of all people to be worried about these finals. You've literally been studying for this shit since you were a first year."

Bakugou's expression softens with your words.

"I can't help it. I just-" His hands comb through his spiky blond locks for a moment before grabbing and pulling large sections of his hair. "Gah! What is this?!"

"It's called stress, Bakubro." You finalize the statement with a soft punch to his shoulder. "Welcome to the world of normal emotion."

"I don't want it!" Bakugou abruptly puts his hands on the ground, looking overall agitated, like a child who doesn't want to go down for naps.

"There are ways to make yourself less stressed you know? In fact there's one word I can fit stress relief into: Fun." Both of your hands open dramatically in front of you as you say fun, hoping to get Bakugou in a better mood. He is your tutor after all and if he's too stressed to help, you're screwed.

"Tch. Fun is something for kids, dumbass." He responds nonchalantly, rolling his eyes irritably as though you should've known that as fact.

You smirk, stifling a chuckle behind your hand as you retort, "So you're saying that only kids have sex?" A small giggle echoes momentarily through the room from you as you appreciate Bakugou's dumbfounded expression.

"You think I should have sex to relieve stress?"

"Well... yeah? It's always worked for me and I'm pretty sure most people would agree with me." There's a long moment of uncomfortable silence that you sit in with Bakugou as he mills over what you've just said.

"..." The blond hedgehog furrows his eyebrows as he thinks, finally gazing in your direction. "And who do you suggest I have sex with? It's not like I have time for a relationship when I'm gonna be the number one hero." This question throws you for a loop. And you consider the options that he has mentally before realizing there's a perfect option that you hadn't considered yet.

"Why not just get a friend with benefits? That way it's just sex when you need it without the additive of romance."

"You're still not answering the 'who the fuck would agree to that shit'?!"

"Me." You deadpan.

The explosive boy sitting next to you fumbles for his next wording in a stupefied manner. "S-S-Ser-iously?"

Shrugging, you nod, locking onto his eyes with your own. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be serious? It's not like I want a relationship now anyways after that dumbass Copycat. Plus it's not just you that's stressed out over shit, you know?"

Seemingly considering the option, Bakugou looks to his lap, biting his lip in deep thought.

"Fine." He looks to you annoyedly, even though his body was certainly excited by the idea. "But first we probably need some shitty ground rules or something."

"Agreed."

"Don't tell anyone about what we do or I'll blow your ass up." Irate at the thought of Raccoon Eyes finding out about this and telling everyone, Bakugou subconsciously leans towards you. Not that you noticed.

"Wasn't planning on it."

"Any special rules you got?" A smirk plays at the corners of Bakugou's lips as he leans towards you.

With Bakugou this close, you can feel your heart begin to beat a little faster with excitement. "Um-" In a couple spare second of clarity, you manage to choke out, "I might be on birth control but I still want you to use a condom."

"Done."

He responds coolly, leaning ever so much closer to you and letting his lips brush over yours before he shifts to whisper in your ear. "If we do this, I want the ability to fuck you whenever and wherever I like."

Your breath hitches and you boldly decide to wrap your arms around Bakugou's neck as your eyes meet his crimson hues. "Just stay within reason.. and don't fall in love with me." You add another rule with a sultry tone.

"You better not fall in love with me, dumbass." Bakugou hisses before connecting his lips with yours in a heated fervor. His hands attach to each side of your face, giving him most control over the kiss. You moan softly against him in response to his aggressiveness, your body already tingling.

Up until this moment, you hadn't realized how much your body was craving to be this close with someone. It was enough to make you almost painfully aroused within the minute.

Bakugou pushes you so that you're comfortably laying on the carpeted floor of his dorm room, with him directly between your legs. Your hands pull at his shirt, desperate to get it off right now. He catches on to the message quickly and pulls off his shirt in record time, still letting out a low growl of discontent when he had to pull away from the kiss. His lips meet back with yours, this time noting just how plush your lips feel against his.

Scratching lightly over Bakugou's chest seems to rile him up some because within seconds, he's already rutting himself against your clothed core, the bulge in his joggers becoming very apparent.

Gasping softly at the friction, you comb your fingers through his hair, pulling at a few tufts while Bakugou takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. You can feel the slippery muscle glide sensually above yours, completely dominating your mouth before you even have the chance to defend. Wrapping your legs around Bakugou's hips, you grind against him. He groans and you decide to tangle your tongue with his in the hopes of winning the small battle.

But before you can win, he pulls back, his pupils blown by so much lust that you can barely see the scarlet iris surrounding them. "Clothes off, now.." The husky tone of his voice sends waves of arousal straight to your core and you fumble to stand up while he digs through his draw for a condom.

In record time, you've completely stripped yourself of clothing and laid on Bakugou's bed, which was exceedingly more comfortable that the floor. You feel yourself ache for some kind of pleasure and unabashedly open your legs to display your dripping core to Bakugou. "Bakugou.. please fuck me." You whine lewdly, being mindful of the fact that the blond has neighbors.

He had expected for you to want more preparation but with the way you were strewn out on his bed, so deliciously begging for his cock... How could he deny your request?

In an instant, his remaining clothes are discarded and the condom is rolled safely on his erection. In the next moment he's on top of you, lining himself up with your hole.

Despite how much he wanted to shove himself inside of you immediately, he still took a moment to look into your eyes and ask, "Are you sure about this, (Y/N)?"

"Yes!"

You respond enthusiastically. "Please! I need your-" You are promptly interrupted by Bakugou thrusting into you unforgivingly, making you gasp with a loud moan. "Fuck!" Having him fully sheathed inside of you was unlike anything you've felt before. It was so pleasurable that you truly couldn't think of anything else.

"Shit-" Bakugou balances himself above you by placing his hand just above your shoulders. He takes a moment to let you adjust to his size. Although, it's hard to control himself with how tight and warm you feel. He grimaces, hands crackling slightly with his quirk as he tries to slowly pull himself out of you and thrust back in.

The next thrust pinpoints your g-spot, making you moan loudly beneath Bakugou. He smirks down to you, knowing exactly where he hit and intending to hit it again. Your hand grab at his back, stabilizing yourself as he drives himself against your g-spot again and again, finding a starting rhythm and gradually getting faster with his thrusts.

Each rut from Bakugou tears an angelic moan from your throat. And even though he loves the sound, he ends up covering your mouth and leaning towards your ear while he picks up the pace. "Be quiet, dumbass." He reprimands. "You're gonna wake everyone up if you keep crying like that." His eyes look to yours from a moment and you nod to confirm that you heard him, your moans muffled by his hand.

Soon Bakugou's hand is replaced with his lips as he kisses you roughly, his calloused hand tracing gently down your sides while he drills into you.

Each of your moans vibrates against his lips, although you try to conceal most of them, in fear of someone catching you. You can feel Bakugou's hips stutter slightly against you and he moves his fingers down to your clit, rubbing circles while he thrusts even harder. You whimper pathetically at the sensation, your walls clamping down on Bakugou's cock as you reach your climax with him soon chasing after his own.

He pants heavily, groaning as his hips still against you. Releasing into the condom, he rolls to the side to discard of the trash, tossing your clothes to you. He wiped himself off with a tissue and begins to dress himself before looking back to you with a smirk.

"I think this 'Friends who have fun' thing is really gonna work, (Y/N). I feel better already."

You smile, throwing on your shirt and underwear while still on the bed. "I told you sex was fun.." Hopping off the bed, you wobble ever-so-slightly before slipping back into your shorts. You nudge Bakugou playfully before settling on the ground. "Let's pick up where we left off, shall we?"

Your eyes scour the ground for the index cards that you had been quizzing with previously.

"Actually..." Bakugou begins speaking, making you look up to him. "We still have a few hours before the idiots come back." He gestures to the clock before looking at you mischievously. "And I think I should relieve a little more tension before dealing with them."

#bakugou x y/n #bakugou smut #katsuki bakugo x reader #mha katsuki #katsuki bakugou #stress relief #smut #bnha smut #y/n #mha x y/n #fanfic #fan fiction

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jmeddows2 · 6 years ago

Text

Purple Thunder (Roger Taylor Series) Part 5

(present/old) Roger Taylor x Reader Notes:

as promised, I still made it on time, well kind of.. as this relationships develops I’d be happy to hear some of the concepts you guys have/ would love Reader and Rog do/experience etc. :) I’d be really grateful and excited to hear some of that..

other wise, same old jazz: sorry for grammar/ mistakes, English is not my first language but anyways, I gave it a go. Enjoy and feel free to submit requests, feedback etc. :)

If you haven’t already, please check this out: Introducing: Purple Thunder :)

Warnings: a bit of cursing, cheating, we’ll get to more in time, don’t worry ;)

Words: 2.5k

„How was that?“ your drummer Sid gave you a questioned and expecting look through the glass wall from the recording booth, as he fiddled around with the drum sticks, twirling one in his right hand. Roger was already in the black leather chair next to you, willing to produce the whole new album and of course, he didn’t give you a chance to deny it, or to put it better, he insisted on taking over the job as producer.

“It was good, really good…. but I don’t know.. I feel like we’re repeating ourselves over and over again” your eyes darted from the sound board to your band member. “It’s good, but it all sounds the same. Don’t you think?” You put your elbow to rest your chin in your hand in a thoughtful gesture looking to Roger beside you. His air was a bit messy, but still looked flawless. He put so much work and detail into each song, trying to make little masterpieces out of them, but as much as you appreciated his work, something was wrong.

“I’ll try a new pattern then? To match the tempo you had in mind?” Sid made you beam back him again, already finding a new beat as he was waiting for your answer.

“Have you tried drumming machines?” Roger firstly looked at you, then Sid, then back at you.

“It’s not exactly the real thing but it’ll give you something to experiment with” Roger suggested, lightly scratching his beard.

“Your call, boss” Sid smiled at you , he was indeed excited about Roger’s ‘new role’ in your band, considering that he had been a life - long fan of his, picking up drumming because of Roger in the first place. It should also be mentioned that his parents met at Live Aid back in 1985 when they were just 15 years old, both stood in front row cheering on their favourite band: Queen. Sid especially recalled seeing pictures of Roger in magazines his parents owned, showing a younger Roger wearing some nice suits, having a glass of wine in his hand and always a beautiful young thing by his side. A major part in his decision making on wanting to become THE next Roger Taylor. And he did.. Well sort of.. Sid was someone who enjoyed life… and especially the ladies… He enjoyed it so much that he lost count of the hearts he had loved and left haunted.

“Ok, let’s try it, you guys mind if I go out for a smoke?” you asked as Sid jumped excitedly into the seat next to Roger.

“It’s alright love.” Roger gave you a smile and turned to Sid “Now, we’ll start with the basics, you can imitate any percussion on this, if you just…” Roger’s voice drowned out as you made your way out of the sectioned area you had rented, up the stairs to the roof terrace. After 10 minutes of smoking and collecting your thoughts you made your way back onto the ground floor, passing the counter in the foyer where Laura, a good friend of yours had been working. Dan had declined all calls since his outburst in the studio the other, which didn’t make the situation any easier. Arriving back in the booth the drum backing track had surprisingly fast, already been laid down.

Time went by flying as Roger showed Sid some tricks of his own on the drums, which left him amazed.

“Today’s been great, you’re heading into a kind of different direction in terms of music, I mean your last two albums were excellent, but I think this is going to be even better” Roger smiled adding finishing touches to the mastering of yet another song. Sid had left you two to it again, heading off to meet his parents. Probably also to tell them that he is currently working with rock royalty, but we’ll leave that aside.

“You listened to those? I’m sorry, I’m just.. I never thought someone like you would listen to my kind of stuff” you chuckled.

“Someone like?” he laughed. “Why do you always think so bad of yourself? Those two records were really good! Of course I listened to them, got to know what’s hot in the moment… Y’know.. what the teenagers fancy… or whom. I read all the music magazines.”

“You’re probably the only person who still reads those” you laughed giving him a light pat on the shoulder.

“Hey” he frowned a bit, but a smile appeared on his lips, signalling he wasn’t taking it too seriously.

“You’re growing with your music, it’s a good thing. Without any of the growing and changing part, Queen would have probably never made it. Gotta think outside the box y’know, do what your heart tells you to do.” He touched your shoulder in a loving gesture.

“And if it tells me to quit?” you whispered but it was still audible for him.

“I don’t know if I want to keep doing it. I’m not feeling it anymore, the excitement, the relief, the love…”

“Are you sure you’re still talking about music here?” Roger looked at you softly, trying to test the waters.

“I don’t know... Music’s always been there for me when friends or family were turning their backs on me, or when I was too afraid to ask for help, I’d just put some record on and everything was fine. It helped me cope with so much, you helped me cope with so much.” looking into his eyes.

“Listening to your music was almost like a healing process, I know it sounds weird but it was and still is. I’m just… confused right now. Do I want to continue? Make an album, tour and then end up in the same dark place I had been in two years ago, because absolutely nothing feels right about it? Do I attempt to make my fans happy, but end up disappointing them because nothing feels right? There’s always so much pressure, I don’t even know who we’re doing this for anymore” by now there were a few hot tears escaping your face. You felt pathetic. Pathetic for always crying and being miserable when Roger was around. He must think you’re a fool by now, someone that’s not capable of the spotlight anyway. Someone weak and undeserving.

On the other hand…..

Roger knew what it meant to make sacrifices, also for the sake of his other three band members back in the day. When you’re up against 3 equals, you’re not always able to convince them with your ability or choice. Whether it depends on the melody and musical part of each song or the lyrical choices. Roger often recalls having a song idea, which then ended up being taken apart by his band mates, trying to change every little thing possible.

This happens, especially when each individual has their own favourite type of musical style. The journey of a musician in expanding their horizon ends, with not feeling it inside their heart anymore. Or the feeling being lost, hurt and especially left out. No matter how many people they’re surrounded with.

You two were sitting with him on the black leather couch, one leg on the couch, one on the ground, while he was listening to you ramble on as if was the most interesting thing ever. Comforting you, giving advice, but most importantly not trying to lead you into any direction, which many people have tried before. He was there. He cared. Lost in comfort you pulled up your feet to place them in his lap. “I was too stubborn when I was younger, but I know now! Don’t do what might sound like the best idea. It usually ends up going into the opposite direction. If following your heart means breaking free from everything that’s holding you back now, then you could do that” Roger gave you a sympathetic smile, softly rubbing your ankles. “If it means taking a break from all of this” he made a circling gesture “then you could do that! Don’t feel like letting anyone down, they’ll understand. We used to release an album every year for quite some time, but the fans still continued supporting us, it’s not going to be any different here.” You brought your legs from his lap to the ground scooting closer to him. A failed attempt. “Do you know how to play?” he picked up the drum sticks that had been lying on the little table beside him and you shook your head in response. He got up and walked over to the drum kit with you following closely. “Be ready to learn from the best then” he sat down on the little stool behind the kit, making enough room for you between his legs, patting for you to sit down. You did. You held the drum sticks in both of your hands when he brought his around you, to teach you a simple pattern. “So try hitting the high hat eight times in beat of one measure. Snare comes in at 2nd and 4th hit.” You followed his instructions perfectly earning praise. “Yeah, just like that, keep the tempo. Now try adding the kick drum on both beginning and end of the 1st and 3rd beat.” You followed his instructions again. “We have a natural here” Roger laughed reaching forward to brush the hair out of your face that was sticking to your forehead. “Solo time” it took a few loud clashes on the cymbals to send the sticks flying through the room. “Ooops” you laughed covering your mouth with your hand, your head slightly tilting to one side as Roger laughed into your shoulder. “A true rockstar” you turned your head to face him.

No phone this time, no text interrupting this moment. There it was. Your all or nothing moment.

You leaned forward pressing your lips against his. He helped you turn around to sit in his lap without ever breaking the kiss.

“You’re the most impactful, strong and beautiful woman I got to witness in such a long time” he brought his hand up and brushed a few strands of your hair out of your face. You moved closer to him, pressing your lips against his again and he deepened the kiss. Your heart was racing when your lips touched his, the feeling of his beard tickling your chin as his mouth started to move along with yours, his lips surprisingly soft. You moved your hand into his messy hair as one of his hands moved to your hip, the other cradling your cheek. Sudden realization hit you and you pulled back. Roger opened his eyes at the sudden loss of contact, when he saw you with your head already in your hands as you were nervously pacing around the room. “I really seem to mess everything up, huh?” you mumbled to yourself, not intended for him to hear. “Hey, it’s alright” calming down was the last thing on your mind now. “You’re alright!” “No, nothing’s alright, Roger! I’ve been telling myself that for far too long now.. I get it if you don’t want to see or work with me ever again “you were cut off when his lips crushed against your again, he pulled you onto the leather couch with him, back into his lap. A feeling of safety crept into your heart as he pulled you tighter, kissing along your jaw. Nothing mattered, not the fact that your boyfriend was currently touring the states, avoiding every single temptation on the way, nor Roger’s wife who was patiently waiting for her husband’s phone call from the other side of the world. Your face was pressed against his chest, the scent on his shirt in your nose and it felt like the safest place in this world. He held you as close as possible. “What are we now” “I don’t know. But I hate the fact you’re everything I was looking for, when I wasn’t looking for it.” Roger replied with a hint of sadness in his voice, caressing your hair. “Have dinner with me, I know this restaurant, pretty hidden…” “what if they-“ “Brian’s going to be there. No paparazzi to worry about.” So you agreed. Without having any other conversation your current status, he held your hand. On the way to the cab, in the car itself, earning no suspicious look from the driver who probably didn’t even notice your intertwined fingers. Roger only let go once you entered the restaurant. Brian was already there, definitely not expecting you on joining them, as he had already taken a seat on a table for two. Roger was right, no paparazzi around. A young waitress with long brown hair pulled up into a ponytail, which was about 16 years old, was willing to reseat you. She was nervous and almost trembling, so you suspected her to be star struck by the two rock royalties who you shared the table with.. She came back with a tray of drinks, nearly tripping over own feet when she finally reached your table. Brian was just about to ask her if everything was alright, Roger beside you with a smug smile but it wasn’t them she was interested in. “Actually I’m so sorry it’s not really professional, but (Y/N) I’m such a big fan!! Could I please take a picture with you! I’m so sorry to disturb you, I just can’t help myself” the young waitress bounced nervously from one foot to the other. Roger took a quick picture for the girl, who had now basically wrapped her arms around you, still trembling. It was cute, a small reminder of why you’re still doing this. Making people happy… but somehow always leaving yourself out of the frenzy of happiness. She thanked you by giving you another squeeze and you took your seat next to Roger. “So… how’s the album getting along? Roger told about some complications concerning the guitarist? Did everything turn out alright?” Brian asked, taking a sip from the beer in front of him. You were struggling to answer that question. Your guitarist had basically left, you were far behind in production and material. Yeah everything went great, except for the fact that management was pressuring you, because of the money they were about to lose. Everything was great. Roger noticed the worry in your eyes so he was trying to change the topic. “Let’s not talk about work now, what are y’all having? Bill’s on me” he placed his hand on your thigh under the table, making sure no one would see and gave you reassuring squeeze. It was all you needed in this moment to calm down. Brian was quite suspicious. He had known his best friend for over 50 years now. Even considered him a brother. He knew when something was going on with Roger. And that was a lot in this moment. He saw it, right in front of him. Every single look that was exchanged between you and Roger, every single gesture and the exchanging touches. Love.

Roger payed the bill as promised and wanted to drop you off at your flat. Brian though had other plans, which involved a serious conversation with his best friend. So tricked Roger into the belief that some ‘serious’ problem about the upcoming tour came up.

“What the actual fuck do you think you’re doing Roger?” taglist: @bellamy1998 @oldfashionedlovergirlsblog

#roger taylor #roger taylor fanfic #roger taylor fanfiction #Queen #queen + Adam Lambert #Brian May #old roger taylor #present day roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #present day roger x reader #purple thunder

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mysticsparklewings · 6 years ago

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Bug Girl

My WIP Wednesday! piece is all finished! (Warning: LOOOOOOONG description about the art process ahead! ) I don't think it's terribly obvious for a number of reasons (at least not at first), but this piece is actually a bit of fan art/inspired by How to make Friends with the Dark by Kathleen Glasgow, which I finished reading Monday night--Though I actually started this piece a couple of days before There's a concept that gets brought up a few different times in the book of the main character Tiger imagining a "bug-girl" in a jar, usually to help visualize her emotions to us, the audience. This concept really resonates and stuck with me even before I finished the book, and thus I was compelled to draw it. Technically the way I see that concept in my head looks different from what I've done here, so sometime in the future I may take another stab at it, but for this time I wanted to strengthen the connection between the bug-girl concept and the book, so visually I modeled the overall aesthetic largely off of the book's cover; white lines and white dots on a dark blue background that has a slight gradient at the bottom. The gradient on the cover is more subtle and is more on the lines than the background itself, but I took artistic liberty on that to make my life a little easier. My original plan was to do the background with watercolor, do the lines digitally and print them out (since I had some kinks in the sketch I wanted to experiment with digitally instead of doing a lot of additional drawing and erasing) and then use my lightbox and a white gel pen to trace directly on top of the watercolor, then splatter away with some white ink. But of course, things can never be that simple. The way I see it in my head, the bug-girl has, well, bug eyes, but for this piece, I didn't want to lean too heavily into the "creepy" factor, given it doesn't really fit with the content of the book (which is a great read if you like realistically heavy YA novels, by the way) so I angled her head down and her hair covering her face to keep from having to make the decision on whether or not I wanted to go with that look. And additionally to do proper bug eyes (at least the kind I was imagining) would've involved a lot of tiny circle/cell shapes, and I imagine that would've made things feel too crowded or would have blended into the splatters/background in an uncomfortable way. Additionally, I was going to have her wings raised behind her, but after playing around with a few different references and positions in Photoshop (knowing full well I was not happy with the original wings from the sketch that I completely free-handed), I felt like this more asymmetrical, lowered position and dragonfly-type structure just looked better and fits better with some of the movements of the wings described in the book (using them to cover her eyes, etc.) which in most cases aren't technically plausible with normal bug wings. My first real problem was with the jar. Realistically, it needed to be tall enough for the girl to stand at full height at least. And in theory, probably a little bit higher so it would be more comfortable overall and so that in theory she wouldn't just stand up and be able to push the lid off. But I was having issues with the sizing because the jar could only be so big so that A. it would fit comfortably on my paper and B. if it was too tall, the empty space between the top of the jar and the girl would noticeably awkward. So I fiddled with that for way too long and ultimately, it's probably too short, but the size balanced is more comfortable to the eyes, I think. (I also added the cross-hatching to the lid to make it more obvious there was a lid since originally it just kind of looked like the jar had a very wide lip.) I also gave her a set of antennae, and after trying the concept of segmenting her whole body to be more bug-like (which was way too many lines everywhere) I decided to add some plates on the front of her forearms and calves. It's not much at all, but I didn't want to stick solely to traditionally "fairy" imagery since she's a bug-girl, not a fairy, but in this lines-only format, there was only so much I could do and still get the proper impact I was looking for. Speaking of which... I did a lot of swatching and testing of my various watercolors that I have on hand to A. get the colors I wanted right, B. practice my blending of two colors with more paint than water since I wanted very dark, opaque colors, and C. test if my lightbox would even work under the thick watercolor paper and the actual watercolor. However, I made two errors in judgment during the testing: 1. The areas I swatched to test were considerably smaller than the actual size of the area I wanted to cover and even with my biggest brush when I went to do a practice go I very quickly realized that was going to take an absurd amount of paint, time, effort, and I was very likely to run into some blending problems with the gradient. (So, in summary, half-pan-sized watercolors and mostly small brushes are not great for very large areas) 2. Once I realized the above, (and I had already done two very quick tests with alcohol markers and that idea almost immediately went out the window for the same issue) I had to switch course and ended up using some water-soluble pencils (one Arteza Woodless Watercolor Pencil for the dark blue and one Derwent Inktense pencil for the dark teal at the bottom) to lay down the color for the background and then wet them down to smooth out the color. Which turned out pretty nicely, especially once they dried. (I was a little worried at first since while still wet it was looking kind of patchy and weird ) The problem with number 2 is that after it had fully dried (aside from the paper curling pretty badly since it was in a sketchbook and I didn't think to tape the edges of the page down before taking water to it, which was mostly fixed pretty easily by wetting down the back of the page and sitting a very heavy box on it while it dried overnight) when I went to use the lightbox, the pigment from the water-soluble pencils was noticeably more opaque than the straight watercolor tests/swatched I had looked at previously. It wasn't so opaque that I couldn't see my lines underneath at all but it was opaque enough that a lot of the smaller details wear really hard to see. And thus I had a pretty big problem on my hands. What I should have done was trace the lines in black on the blank paper first so they would be more likely to show through the pigment in the first place and there's a good chance that would've fixed the problem, even if I still needed the lightbox to see those lines perfectly. But hindsight is always 20/20 so that knowledge didn't really fix the matter at hand. I knew pretty instantly that I didn't want to try tracing the lines onto another piece of watercolor paper and trying to color matter since I seem to always have majorly noticeable issues with that, especially when there's a gradient involved, and also because I knew when I scanned it in it would be fairly obviously there were two layers of paper instead of one because of how thick watercolor paper is. I also knew alcohol markers were out because, again, color matching issues with the selection available to me, and also from some of my much earlier testing with trying to get the specific gradient that I wanted. That left me with colored pencils. And thus I went through the five different sets I use enough to keep where I can easily access them (I have others I don't like as much that would've just been a waste of time) and started swatching colors on a piece of the same paper I had the lines on and then held them up to the background to color match as closely as possible. I ended up picking one dark blue and one dark teal each from both my Prismacolor and Polychromos sets since the blue from the Prismacolor was closer but the teal from the Polychromos was closer but they were both slightly off, so to keep the texture consistent I mixed both together for both colors. This ended up being a very good idea in hindsight because I finished off with a final layer of the Polychromos and that kept my white gel pen from having the problems it would normally have over straight-Prismacolor pigment. (Since Prismacolors are wax-based the wax usually clogs the pen tip very easily; the Polychromos are oil-based, so the oil created a slicker layer between the wax and the pen). And all I did was use my lightbox to see the black printed lines through the colored pencil as easily as possible and went back over them with my white Sakura Gelly Roll, then I went back and outlined the jar and the lid specifically with my white Uni-Ball Signo, since the ink is slightly brighter and the nib is larger. Once that was all done to my satisfaction, I cut out the girl in her jar and placed it on the watercolor background with some double-sided tape I picked up the day before from DollarTree, clipping a few edges so they'd be as flush with the edges of the paper as possible. And I figured that would be a better idea than glue because the glue had a very good potential of being very messy and leaving notable marks. The tape was just a safer bet. And fortunately, the paper laid pretty flat, save for a couple of spots I either missed because I applied the tape by lifting up the edges so I wouldn't totally lose my placement or up by some of the nooks and crannies that make up the ridges at the top of the jar that were just too small to do individually. And there is one spot where that tape wrinkled on me, but it's fortunately not terribly noticeable in the final product. Then I made a paper mask for the girl inside the jar and got to move on to the slightly more fun part; I dipped a paintbrush in some white ink (white ink as opposed to white watercolor because I was concerned the water part might cause some reaction to the existing watercolor background that I didn't want and I was a little concerned it would make the non-watercolor paper that the girl and the jar were drawn on warp) and started tapped it against another paint brush to get splatters everywhere. I masked the girl since I was pretty sure she'd blend in too much if she got splattered too. After the ink was dry, I removed the mask and went in with the white Gelly Roll again to make some stars here and there; mostly just because I wanted to since the original book cover only has dots. I left it at that for the night since it was almost 3 and I was tired, but I came back to it the next day and racked my brain for a bit since it felt like it was missing something. I ultimately ended up putting the mask back on the girl and used my pastel blue PanPastel to create a glow effect around her. After that, I scanned it and did make some minor adjustments in Photoshop (mostly color correction, but there were a couple of black lines of shadow around the edge of the jar since it was still a separate piece of paper on top of the other one at the end of the day. And here we are. It's still not perfection, but I am ultimately happy with it since I think I got the look I was after in the end. Plus, I think I capture the spirit of the original book cover's style pretty well ____ Artwork (c) me, MysticSparkleWings I do not own How to make Friends with the Dark or the cover art ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble | Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

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petri808 · 7 years ago

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Enslaved Part 2

Nalu Week 2018 Day 7 Freedom prompt- AU story, part 1 Here

Natsu’s face grows pale and he jumps out of his seat ready to launch into a denial, but before he can say anything, Sting cuts in smirking like a mad man. “I was just asking him when he was gonna find a mate, cause he’s the last of our Draco’s generation to do so.”

“Oh,” Yukino leans into her husband, “why, does he have anyone in mind?”

Grin, “Well, since you asked…”

“I don’t!” Natsu flies at Sting and covers his mouth. Hell, he would’a punched him too if Yukino wasn’t so close. “Okay, n-no one yet so, end of discussion!”

“Do you…”

He cuts Yukino off to change the subject, “So, how was the training with Lucy? Sounds like you two got along well.”

“I think she’ll pick it up quickly,” smiling at the nervous blonde who looked like she wanted to run back to her room, “Lucy has a lot of magical power and once she unlocks it, she’ll probably be the most powerful Spirit mage I’ve ever come across.”

“Is that so,” Natsu glances at his ward, “I like the sound of that…”

After Sting and Yukino leaves, Lucy retreated to her room once Natsu told her he wouldn’t need her for the rest of the evening. Yukino promised to visit every other day to train but that she should practice as much as she could, or at least as much as Natsu allows her to. She liked the sweet natured Sprite and was glad to have made a friend, sort of, maybe it’ll help her keep her mind off the fact she’s a captive and not just Natsu’s roommate or something.

Or something… What was it those three were talking about, mates? Lucy had heard of the concept before, it’s similar to a marriage, if she remembered what was said about Draco’s, it was also different, but she couldn’t remember in what way. Plopping onto her bed, she could always ask Yukino later because frankly learning more about Draco’s could come in handy to help her figure out Natsu.

“Hmm,” Natsu retires to his den later that night, ‘strongest spirit mage…’ He had really liked the sound of that considering it just raised her value at auction tenfold. And yet, why wasn’t that idea sitting well, his inner dragon recoiling, and souring his mood the longer he thought about it. Granted, he planned to use her for a little while, ‘so hush!’ he growls at himself. Selling her had been the whole reason he’d captured her!

But he couldn’t lie to himself about one thing, having a powerful wizard like Lucy as a mate was an attractive notion, a very attractive one. Of all the Draco’s of his generation, Natsu was the strongest, so shouldn’t his mate be of similar caliber? And bonus, she was visually stunning… Suddenly the idea of giving up his prized catch wasn’t so appealing anymore.

Yukino adjusts the position of Lucy’s fingers, indexes and thumbs pointing up while the rest are intertwined, then pushes the configuration flush against the girl’s chest, “Remember, focus on the spirit you are summoning, stretching out your power to the heavens. You’re doing good for being new at this so don’t get discouraged. Let’s try that again…”

And she was doing well, at least by Natsu’s estimation. Only a week in and the girl could summon a spirit by the third try when he had assumed it would take her a month just to learn the signs. They were working on minor stars to begin with because those required less energy to call down to their world, but it wouldn’t surprise him if by the end of next week, Lucy will be tackling the major stars. The longer she honed her skills, the more she exercised her magic, it would get easier and she’ll be able to summon more than one at a time.

Lucy was undeniably special.

He wondered if her father realized how much potential his daughter had as a wizard, maybe he hadn’t cared, or maybe he did and that was part of the arrangement he had made unbeknownst to Lucy, to provide such a valuable wife. ‘Tch.’ Natsu crosses his arms, smirking to himself as the girl’s train. Despite coming from a sheltered life, this girl was tougher than she looked, and he admired the effort she was putting in to learn about her magic. Imagine if her mother had been around to train her from young, this girl would be a powerhouse in their world. He frowns, had her father been trying to suppress that, and that’s why he got rid of the mother? A woman strong enough both mentally and physically would probably not make for a subservient wife and it sounds like in the realm her father lived in, that is the place of a woman.

At this point Natsu walks away for a moment. Okay, so yes, he was a hypocrite for being irritated about her father when he wasn’t much better by keeping her prisoner in his home and threatening to sell her at auction. He frowns, truth be told, he wasn’t going to do that anymore, there was no way his primal side would allow it, but he used it to keep her compliant. Speaking of which, his dragon had been restless lately whenever he left her alone for too long. He knew the reason but wasn’t ready to acknowledge it.

“I made dinner,” Natsu walks into her room with two plates, “you must be exhausted from the training.”

“Yeah,” still towel drying her hair in the mirror, “but it’s been really great to finally learn about my mother’s magic,” smiling. “I can’t thank Yukino enough for helping me, and,” lowering her gaze and tone, “you as well for bringing her here even if you still might send me away.”

“Look Lucy,” putting her plate on the desk, “I won’t be doing that, I won’t sell you to anyone else.” She stops fiddling with her towel and stares at him, so he averts his gaze. “After being here for a month now, and learning more about you… I-I don’t think I want you to leave… No, I know I don’t want you to leave.” She takes a step towards him, but he steps back a little embarrassed, “Anyways, you should eat because you need to keep your strength up,” and walks out of the room.

He couldn’t believe what came out of his mouth, scratch that, how it came out of his mouth. Did he just admit, out loud, that he didn’t want her to leave? Well, so much for his dinner cause his appetite just went right out the window. Maybe she didn’t pick up what his dragon pushed out of his mouth, stupid animal, Lucy was a bit on the naïve side. After flopping onto his bed and running his hand over his face, he closed his eyes. Exhale, he couldn’t keep her a prisoner anymore…

‘That was a little weird…’ Lucy picks up her plate and sits on the bed, picking at the contents. How should she react to his statement, well of course it made her happy that he didn’t plan on selling her but something about his demeanor was a little off. Then again, he has been acting different. While he was sweeter and kinder, he kept an air of distance between them and yet, the last couple of weeks he also kept her close by as much as he could, even taking her with him when he had to go out. She was confused as to why the change.

Did it have to do with her father, had he found out where she was? Was Natsu keeping her close because he’d heard something about it? ‘Aww, is he being protective of me?’ But why? ‘Right…’ Yukino had explained that Draco’s can be territorial and protective over anything they deem to be theirs, especially mates. A rival could set one off simply by looking at a mate the wrong way. ‘Nah,’ she shakes her head, more to convince herself rather than the empty room she sat in, Natsu probably just didn’t want to lose her to her father.

Lucy finishes her meal and cleans up her plate in the kitchen. On her way back to her room she pauses at his cracked door, the light is off, and she can hear his breathing but, she wanted to clear the air. So, she takes a deep breath and pushes the door open…

“Natsu?” pausing to adjust to the darkness of his room. “Um, Natsu are you awake?”

He had smelled her lingering at his door, but was surprised when she came in. “Yeah,” he sits up and turns on a small lamp next to his bed.

“I um,” cautiously she makes her way into the room and sits down at the end of the bed, a heightened scent of nervous energy coming off her like waves and if he wasn’t mistaken, her face was a little flushed. Ah, fuck it all she looked so damn adorable! “What you said earlier about wanting me to stay, does it have something to do with my father? I… noticed you’ve been a little protective lately and wondered if you’d heard something, maybe news about him trying to track me down?”

So that’s what she was worried about? He shakes his head, “no I haven’t heard anything about that.”

“Oh.” Confusion takes over her expression, if that wasn’t the reason then… Lucy’s body stiffens, is that why Yukino was giggling during the mate’s conversation!

Well that wasn’t the reaction he had expected, instead of looking relieved, she looks petrified. Then again, a new scent permeates the air around her and one he was familiar with; albeit never when he was the only male in the room. Crap, he really wasn’t expecting this reaction!

She tries to look up from her lap but when she sees the startled expression on his face she quickly changes direction, he sure didn’t seem like he was interested in her! Maybe the signals had been crossed. “I’m sorry, that’s good news I guess. Well I’ll just go back to my room now.” Lucy stands to leave but he grabs her wrist and when she turns to face him, his face is pointed at the ground. “I-Is there something you wanted to tell me?”

“Did you know that we, um have a really good sense of smell?”

“I’m sorry, do you mean Draco’s?” he nods. “Yes, Yukino told me.”

“Did you know that your scent just changed a few minutes ago?” She shakes her head. He coaxes her back to the bed to sit next to him. “To answer your other question, I’ve been protective because that’s how we tend to get when we like something.”

“I know… I didn’t know much about your kind so Yukino told me a few things…”

Now he knew why she became so nervous. “It’s true, I captured you to make money because that’s one thing I do to survive, but it didn’t take long for me to realize there was no way I could give you up.” Exhale. “I told myself that maybe we could team up, you know, two powerful wizards and all but then watching how hard you push yourself in training, and seeing how strong you were not just in magic but in, shit, every way, you were just so… perfect.” A long ease of breath escapes him. “But, I won’t hold you captive anymore Lucy, if you want to leave… it’s okay, I’ll let you go.”

Moisture pools in her eyes at the most sweetest thing anyone had ever said to her before, even though it wasn’t exactly romantic. In all the 20 years she’d been alive and secluded in her fathers home the most love and affection she would ever receive was from the house staff, but here was a man, who after just a month of knowing her...

“But, I’m not perfect Natsu…” her voice barely a whisper as she gazes at the hands she has clutched in her lap. “I’m just trying to do what I need to get through this life.”

He laughs, “and weaker people would just submit or die. Lucy you are so much stronger than you realize.”

“Thanks for saying that,” trying to control the blush surely blooming on her face, “it really means a lot to me… and I don’t want to leave, I like it here with you.”

An awkward silence develops at that point. Neither had ever been in this situation before, virgins as it were in the idiom of love.

‘She wants to stay here…’ the concept rolls around his brain for a couple minutes, processing, not processing. He had hoped she’d wouldn’t leave but had braced himself for the opposite so now that the truth was out, frankly he didn’t know how to proceed. Unless she indicates otherwise, they should simply continue living the way they had been for the last month and he supposed he could live with that. ‘Tch,’ so long as no one tries to touch her anyways…

She steals away a glance at the Draco beside her, wondering could this kidnapper turned sweetheart be worth taking a chance on like Yukino had alluded to? The physical desire to see what he had to offer was just a part of the deal, but that itself was a mellifluous temptation. She was a healthy young woman after all, and the thought of how his calloused hands would feel against her smooth skin, lips and teeth raking or nibbles of possession all over her body… Unconsciously her legs squeeze together …or his clawed fingers gripping her thighs…

The deep rumble at her side breaks her out of the erotic daydream she was having. Lucy stiffens.

“I did mention our sense of smell, right?” Natsu’s voice is low and husky, sending delectable shivers along her spine and the hair on her arms to stand on end. “I can’t read your mind, but your body is telling me exactly what you must be thinking about.”

Composing herself and pulling out a thread of will power from the depths of her soul, “if that’s true,” she takes a leap of fate, “then prove it.”

#naluweek #naluweek2018 #day 7 freedom #nalu #au story #enslaved part 2 #petri808

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cutiecrates · 6 years ago

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Cutie Reviews: NMNL March 19

Okay, I wanted to let you guys know that I’m probably going to be moving. Long story short our land owner gave us an ultimatum we don’t agree with, and we only have this month to find places, check them out, pick one, pack, and get moved. We might be able to extend this to September, but we’re not sure. A month seems like a long time but not when you can only work on it a few days of the week.

I was devastated when I was told this back on Friday, I felt really sad and angry over the whole thing. But at the same time there is actually a whole, HUGE list of positives in this move; like a bigger home, an actual porch and backyard, I can modify my room to fit the current me instead of the me that moved in almost 20 years ago, we’ll finally go through things we’ve been putting off, central cooling~

Basically, I just wanted to keep you guys updated so if my activity slows down you know why.

“Tired of the cold? Don’t worry, spring is on its way! Everything is coming to life: flowers start blooming and colors around us are becoming more vibrant. That’s why in March’s box we’ve included Japanese and Korean beauty products that are also giving off vibrant vibes so that you can create colorful and fun spring looks!“

Contest Prizes

This month, the winners would get Cherry Blossom cleansing oil, and 5 hyaluronic acid face masks.

Glam Gift

This month the glam gift seems to be focusing on pretty pastel colored items for the face. The two featured brands are Missha and Nihonshu.

Meanwhile, this months horoscope is a Must-Try Activity. For example, mine (Libra) suggests a new recipe to work on cooking skills, my friend is a Gemini and it suggests she take friends on a picnic. The featured celebrity is JooE from kpop group Momoland, who is also the face of the makeup brand Baker7.

Hair Curler Set & Mineral Ion Hairbrush

First we have this unique set of hair curlers (you get 4 of both pieces), that bind the hair over night to produce lovely waves without the use of a hot curling wand. Depending on how you use them, you might also produce curls instead... which happened to me because I didn’t realize I was putting my hair into it wrongly. The book gives you no instructions, and the back of the packaging just made it look like gibberish to me. You’re supposed to like... flatten/spread out the hair, if you just wrap it around you get curls.

Rating: ♥ ♥

So curls or waves, I’ve used this twice and as a warning, this probably wouldn’t be a good item if you get headaches easily. I got one both times of use. Once I wore them over night (9 hours give or take), the second time about a few hours, and I actually got the same results: curls that hold for a limited amount of time and still look kind of messy.

But to be fair, you do get a result. If you want it to last then you'll need spray or something to hold it.

------

Our next item is this mineral infused mini-brush to repair and nourish the hair by stimulating the blood flow. If used repeatedly each day, there should be a noticeable improvement with split ends. The brush was available in pink or blue.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

As a brush, I use types like this (my current is a really old bamboo brush that I was obsessed with and need a new one of) because any other type hurts me. Initially I thought it’s smaller size would make it difficult, and it did feel a little weird holding but the more I use it, the more natural it feels. I also feel like there has been some difference in my hair since using it a few days ago, so I think it works.

Cake Hand Cream

Our next item is a Baker7 Cake Hand Cream, which was available in Pink Berry, Banana, and Blueberry. The creams are made with ingredients that brighten, prevent aging, and protect the skin.

Out of the 3 I could have got, I’m sure you can tell I got the one I really wanted x3 it has a really pretty pale pink color, and it has a faint strawberry scent, it kind of reminds me of strawberry chocolate; and a very light hint of banana.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Well besides the adorable packaging, scent, color, it’s pretty much a typical hand cream. My hands feel really soft and nice after using it, and it seems to soak into the skin pretty quick so your hands don’t get greasy.

Candy Lip Tint

Another BK7 product, this time with JooE on the package as you can see. This lip tint comes in 3 delicious candy colors; from cherry red to red orange to coral. They’re also scented.

I think the creative design of the package was adorable, but after you take away the stick you’re left with the top half; so I was like “how does this open? Is it just liquid? is it on something?“

Well here’s my answer; it’s a wand. According to the back of the package I got Cherry Red. I agree there is a scent, but it doesn’t bring cherry to mind. Initially I was getting like... cinnamon? But now I can’t really place it.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I really like the unique packaging of the product. It’s really cute looking and fun to use, and the wands brush is very soft on the lips so the product glides on with little effort. It does tint though, so yeah it did take me like five washes to get it off my hand, and even now it’s still barely on my hand. On the lips it seems to come off easier, but you’re left with a pretty pink hue.

One oddity is that I noticed that when applied, my lips feel weird. I’m not really sure why that is. I did notice it lacked a foul taste though, which I appreciated. A lot of tints and “lip tattoo” products taste horrible.

Etude House Eye Shadow

Our next item is the Etude House “Look At My Eyes eye shadow“, available in red or pink with an adorable heart pattern in the product ♥ As you can see by my finger, the product is a bit of a... smoky copperish red color and has a vibrant shimmer with sparkle.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

The product applies very easily, you can use it as is or build it up. I feel like the color would work with a lot of things, and I can’t get over how nice it looks. The hearts etched in the product is very cute, and I love how the container is clear.

Color Mascara

Our next item is this colored mascara, available in either red or blue (like delicious snowcones~) which as you can see is by Crayon Touch-me, like the lip product in February’s box. Ironically, this one says it’s made in Taiwan, rather than Korea or Japan.

As of late colored mascara seems to be growing as a trend, and I really like the concept but worry I can’t pull it off. But given my hair color, I feel like this would actually be a really nice color to compliment it.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥

The image on the package shows the product being applied all over the eyelashes, while the book suggests giving your lashes an ombre look with it. I’m not really sure a full lash is possible, because the product is fairly scarce on the wand (which the book also shows) and in most cases, applying too much mascara makes your lashes clumpy and gross. I noticed that I had an easier time applying the product with my eye shut and doing it in swooping down motion.

But if you don’t mind a medium-minimum look, then the gradient/ombre is pretty good, and you can tell the product is there. It’s definitely noticeable though, and I’m planning on using it when I go to the mall, either later today or tomorrow.

Facial Cleansing Brush & Animal Mask

Okay, so any long-time readers will recognize the facial brush. I recently got in some boxes back and I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend it if you can find it! It’s super-soft and feels amazing on the skin, and your face will thank you.

In saying that I won’t be reviewing it since I already have.

The next and final item though is an adorable animal mask by berissom: available in either collagen kitty/tiger, Vitamin C + arbutin sheep, blackberry panda, or hyaluronic acid puppy. These are called animal masks because they resemble a specific animal. All you do is wear it 15-20 minutes, then pat the remainder of product onto the skin.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥

In terms of scent, it smells really good in a pleasant sense. Oddly enough, I get a combination of the store Target and shampoo. It was very wet and moisturizing when I put it on but it ended up being a lot longer than my face actually is, so I probably wasted three minutes or so fiddling with it. Because of that (I assume anyway) the ask dried very quickly, so I barely wore it for even 15 minutes before it got on my nerves.

But my face did feel better than it did prior to using it.

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content - 4.5 out of 5. Everything is practical and I like the items a lot. I just think some of them could have performed a little better.

Theme: 5 out of 5. Yeah, I guess I see it. I mean, the items are very vibrant looking and fun, I’m not sure they all fit spring well but I do like how all of the items were in pink-red and blue themes, to match the cover design.

Total Rank: 9 out of 10. I’m pretty happy with this box, I liked it a little less than the previous box, but I still thought it was really good. As I noted above, there was some minor issues, but nothing was useless and I know I’ll use these.

♥ Cutie Scale ♥

1. Mineral Hairbrush - I was kind of surprised by this decision, but I actually really really like this. I’ll probably be using it for now, if I can force myself to throw away my old brush...

2. Eye Shadow - the color is really pretty and I love how the piece looks; the product reminds me a lot of my favorite eye shadow palette to use.

3. Cake Hand Cream - Again the packaging says a lot, I love it! It smells so good it makes me want to eat shortcake... or strawberry chocolate.

4. Candy Lip Tint - I’m still not sure about the scent, but the color is really pretty. I can’t get over the unique package~

5. Color Mascara - I really like how it looks, I just wish it was possible to get a fully coated eyelash without having to use so much product...

6. Animal Mask - The package is very cute, and the smell was lovely. But the quality wasn’t doing it for me.

7. Facial Cleansing Brush - I’m not rating it low because of quality, if I went by quality this would probably be the #1 item! I just put it here because I already have it, and because I really liked the other items too.

8. Hair Curlers - They’re very unique, and although they are a little uncomfortable and can induce headaches, they aren’t unbearable. I would probably reach for my curling wand over these though.

#nmnl #nomakenolife #etude house

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shitfics · 8 years ago

Text

One of These Nights (3/?); jongyu; pg

Jinki knows that he’s gay. What he doesn’t know is how to handle a crush on someone as entwined in the music industry as he is.

part 1 - part 2

sorry again that this has been such a wait! ^^; this follows jinki through lucifer promotions and is more of the slow burn 8) and for the chat part...this is the day and outfit jong is referencing

thanks as always @yurilikesgirls and @jongyued for all their help!

slight warning for brief homophobia/relateable closeted gay feels

"Hyung, get off of your phone," Minho whines. "Don't you want to listen to the game?"

Jinki ignores him and lifts up his book. His phone is still tucked between the open pages of the trot history book, but hopefully pretending to read would keep Minho from bothering him. He didn’t know that Jinki had already finished the book last week, and only kept it on him for his discussions with Jonghyun. For every chapter, Jonghyun had been sending him commentary: stories of all the artists he remembers playing from his mother's cassettes at the record shop she had used to own, nostalgia for the genre’s simple two-beat rhythm, and requests for Jinki to sing him one song or another the next time they meet. When his phone lights up with another request -- and a promise to buy Jinki drinks if he sings it -- he smiles, unable to hide his excitement.

"You could at least respond to the people you’re around, you know," Minho huffs, apparently not giving up on getting his attention. “You look happier about your phone than your members, lately.”

In the seat behind him, Jinki can practically hear Kibum rolling his eyes when he sighs. "Just let him be, Minho -- he's probably texting Jonghyun again. The old man needs someone his age to talk with."

Jinki shoots a glare back at Kibum, then returns to his phone. It does help for him to have someone outside of the band to talk to, especially during promotions. When he’s forced to spend every waking with the members, untangling tensions and trying to smother any new problems before they blow up, he needs a lifeline to the outside world to keep from going insane.

The game cuts to commercials, and Gyeongshik switches his attention away from the radio to their conversation. “Is it that Kim Jonghyun? The one who wrote some songs for your last album?"

"Yeah, that one," Taemin answers. "Jinki's gotten real close to him lately."

"Huh." He blinks, letting the car roll a few feet ahead before stopping again. "You know, I used to listen to his radio show, but I haven't listened to his show ever since he started stirring up controversy online.”

Jinki leans towards the front seats with interest -- as much as Jonghyun had shared with him about his radio show, he had never mentioned anything going wrong. "He had scandal?"

"Yeah. He posted something about that movement -- I forgot what it was called already -- the one at that university, where some student left a letter on a board talking about all sorts of stuff. Basically coming out in support of homosexuals," he explains, and Jinki freezes, skin immediately prickling at the subtle disdain his manager layers into the word. "I heard they had to filter the show's messages for a little bit after that, since he was getting harassment. He should have expected it, really, saying things like that online..."

The leather of the front seat creaks under Jinki's fingers when he clenches his hand before retreating. He fiddles with his phone as the other members speak, rereading Jonghyun's last message to distract himself from the nervous swirl of nausea in his stomach.

He hates hearing the words for people like him. Even when they’re euphemisms, and even when the person saying them doesn’t wear a disgusted curl on their lip as Gyeongshik does -- it makes him sweat. Jinki wipes his palms on his jeans and keeps his face carefully blank. He’s never been able to shake the fear that some small expression or gesture will somehow pull everyone's attention towards him when the topic arises.

Thankfully, an announcement of an upcoming soccer game on the radio saves him -- Minho knocks his elbows into Jinki and Kibum in his rush to turn up the volume on the stereo, and the conversation ends there, drowned out under the flood of stats and predictions that Minho throws out as easily as the paid commentators.

With a sigh, Jinki reopens his phone and taps out a half-hearted response to Jonghyun's last text and sets down his phone. Though he's certain the topic is over for now, his heart is still racing, and he can’t bring himself to add the jokes and faces he usually adds to his messages. The knowledge that Jonghyun would risk public blowback to support him is a small comfort. He won't risk coming out to him -- he'd already decided not to air that secret to anyone -- but it's nice to know that Jonghyun might not be disgusted by him if he did.

He lays his head back against the carseat. It’s hard to imagine a life where he would feel up to the risk. Maybe if he weren't an idol, he could tell Jonghyun, or a few close friends -- maybe he'd even have the courage to ask Jonghyun out, if it wouldn’t ruin their friendship completely. But he has four other careers resting on him keeping that part of himself hidden, on top of his own, and he could never bring himself to risk that. Not for a miniscule shot at a crush.

***

As always, Jinki’s stomach was full of butterflies when the time came for their new song to be thrown in the competition of music shows. And like always, he’d had his doubts of their success -- their new title track was radically different from the last, and the pants they’d had to squeeze him in for the performance only raised his doubts -- but somehow, it had all come together. They’d won their first award, danced through their encore, and finally filed back into the dressing room to pick confetti out of their hair before changing into their own clothes to head home.

When Jinki returns to the dressing room, his phone is buzzing in his bag, and he already knows who it is. He rushes to give the staff a final bow and thanks, then passes their trophy over to Minho, letting him pose with it as he digs up his phone. He smiles at the string of missed messages from Jonghyun.

realjonghyun85: Jinki-yah!!!! Congratulations!!

realjonghyun85: I watched your performance tonight!!!

realjonghyun85: You got your first win!!! I'm so happy for you, Jinki-yah

realjonghyun85: Your live was so good he he ... did you eat the extra CDs I bought? Is that where they went?

majingki: Ahhh I’m embarrassed

majingki: Thank you hyung ^^

majingki: You're too nice TT I still need to improve more

realjonghyun85: And you’re so humble ... but that's why you keep getting better isn't it ^^

realjonghyun85: You have to let me buy you a meal when you're done promoting, alright?

realjonghyun85: Or I can buy you drinks for each win you get ... your pick

majingki: Well, I'm going to need the drink he he

majingki: But food sounds good too TT

majingki: Do I really have to pick between them?

majingki: And if I pick food, you'll buy meat right...?

realjonghyun85: Ah!! Stop being cute

realjonghyun85: You don't have to pick

realjonghyun85: Of course I'll buy you both~

majingki: You don't have to ^^;

realjonghyun85: Well, you can't stop me now!!

realjonghyun85: So really ^^ Let me treat my winning dongsaeng

majingki: Ok~

majingki: Thank you hyung ^^

majingki: I didn't realize you would be watching our performance

realjonghyun85; Of course!

realjonghyun85: I never miss any music show he he

realjonghyun85: Me and my sister usually watch them together

realjonghyun85: I wanted to watch it for you anyway

reajonghyun85: That fishnet open back shirt...

realjonghyun85: Interesting styles idols are wearing these days ... he he

majingki: Please, don't tease me about it... TT

majingki: It's not like I pick the clothes out

majingki: We just have to dress flashy for our concept

realjonghyun85: That shirt was different from your usual image

realjonghyun85: You looked good

majingki: Hyung TT You're embarrassing me

realjonghyun85: Am I?

majingki: Yeah ... I'm not used to wearing things like that ... but it was a bit fun ^^

majingki: Made it easier to not get as sweaty since it was open

realjonghyun85: Yeah, I bet...

realjonghyun85: You seemed to enjoy it as much as the crowd

realjonghyun85: They liked seeing that much of you he he

majingki: Hyung!!!

majingki: Why are you like this ... I'm blushing

realjonghyun85: Ah, I'm teasing you too much, aren't I?

realjonghyun85: Sorry Jinki-yah

realjonghyun85: It’s hard not to...

realjonghyun85: I'm a little drunk

majingki: Oh?

realjonghyun85: Yeah, noona bought us drinks to watch the show...

realjonghyun85: I’ve had a few he he

realjonghyun85: And she's already sick of me talking so much, so I messaged you

realjonghuyn85: Hopefully you don’t mind? ^^

majingki: I don't mind it hyung ^^

majingki: I like how talkative you are

realjonghyun85: Well, you're probably the first person to ever say that

realjonghyun85: Too kind ... my angel-hearted Jinki-yah

majingki: I’m just being honest hyung ^^

realjonghyun85: I'll believe you this time

realjonghyun85: But I should leave you alone ... I'm sure you want to celebrate the win with your members

majingki: Aw, you don't have to TTT

majingki: We'll probably just rest and eat...

majingki: Too tired for much else now

realjonghyun85: Well, I'll let you rest well then ^^

realjonghyun85: Noona is bugging me now anyway

realjonghyun85: She says I'm too drunk to be texting

majingki: You don't seem that drunk...

realljonghyun85: I know!! I told her you couldn't even tell!!

realjonghyun85: But I really am drunk ...

realjonghyun85: You just can't see my face he he

realjonghyun85: I'm actually all flushed

majingki: I wish I could see

majingki: It's been a while since you've been that drunk

realjonghyun85: Don't tempt me to send you a photo

realjonghyun85: That'll be embarrassing later

majingki: Why? ^^

majingki: You think I'll tease you about it?

realjonghyun85: Maybe he he

realjonghyun85: You're always a little unpredictable

majingki: Yeah? ^^

majingki: It's fun though, right?

realjonghyun85: Of course~

realjonghyun85: I always have fun with you

majingki: I have fun with you too, hyung ^^

realjonghyun85: Ahhh... you’re making me miss you more TT

realjonghyun85: I have to go now...

realjonghyun85: I can tell I'm getting ridiculous...

realjonghyun85: Better to inflict that on my noona than a busy idol like you

majingki: Okay hyung TT

majingki: I'll have to go back to the dorm with the members now anyway

majingki: But don't forget you can message me~ I'll respond between schedules

majingki: And come to my musical next week! Please?

majingki: I can probably meet you back stage ^^

realjonghyun85: Of course I'll be there! I know how hard you've been working

realjonghyun85: Later Jinki-yah!!

***

Jinki’s knee bounces double-time as he checks his phone for the third time in five minutes as he waits in the dressing room. He'd told Jonghyun to meet him backstage after his afternoon performance, in the short gap before preparations for the evening one. The last message from he’d gotten from Jonghyun had mentioned that he was bringing his sister along, so he hadn't even bothered to change out of his final costume from their afternoon performance, too afraid of being caught off guard.

With most of the other cast members out to grab food, the dressing room is quiet, and he hears Jonghyun's voice echoing down the hall even before a staff members knocks on the door.

"Jinki-ssi -- someone's here to see you."

Jinki jumps out of his chair and bounds to the door, swinging it open to grin widely at Jonghyun. "Youre here!"

"Shit, Jinki-yah!” Jonghyun exhales, one hand thrown over his chest. “You don't need to startle me like that! And of course I'm here -- I'm only late when there's no schedule to stick to."

"Sorry, hyung." Jinki smile broadens when he sees that one of Jonghyun's arms has stayed stubbornly hidden behind his back. He leans to the side to try and steal a glance, heart fluttering at the possibility that Jonghyun had bought him a gift.

Catching Jinki's intent, Jonghyun steps back from the doorway before Jinki can tell what he's brought. "You look really different dressed like this." Jonghyun says, deflecting Jinki's attention from whatever he's hiding when he looks him up and down.

Jinki's nerves itch at the intensity of his stare. He fidgets with his belt, suddenly conscious of the extra attention it brings to the tightness of his jeans. "A good different, I hope?"

"Yeah, for sure -- I mean, I'm used to seeing you in makeup for shows on TV, but with these clothes, and your hair like this...you really look like a rock star."

"Thanks," Jinki straightens his back, confidence quickly soaring from the compliment. "I was a little worried I'm too soft to suit this kind of image."

"No, it really suits you, especially with the long hair--"

The sound of a woman clearing her throat interrupts him. "Are you ever going to move, Jjong? I can't get through the door to introduce myself with you standing there..."

"Right, sorry." Jonghyun shuffles quickly into the room, letting the woman follow behind in him. Jonghyun gestures to her, introducing her with a proud smile. "Jinki, this is my sister Sodam."

Jinki fixes the grin he had been wearing into a polite smile before he bows, making sure to bend to the full ninety degrees. He knows how much Jonghyun's sister means to him, and he wants to make a good impression. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's good to finally meet you too, Jinki." She smiles after returning the bow. "Jonghyun talks so much about you."

"She's just reciting cliches," Jonghyun mumbles, embarrassed. Sodam shakes her head from behind Jonghyun's shoulder, making Jinki grin. There's no reason for it, but having Sodam's approval of their friendship makes his crush seem a little less pathetic.

"We've gotten close these past few months, right? You don't need to be embarrassed about it, I'm flattered that you talk about me," Jinki says, feeling bold. When Jonghyun only shrugs shyly, Jinki points to the flowers in Jonghyun's hands. "...Are those for me?"

"Oh, right!" Jonghyun snaps out of his flustered state to hold the bouquet out for him. "We picked these up on the way for you."

Jinki takes them from Jonghyun hands, hiding his smile behind the thick bundle of flowers when he pulls them close. He doesn't want to look too delighted, but it’s the first time he’s ever been given flowers from anyone other than his parents.

"Jjong picked out the roses," Sodam says with a nudge at Jonghyun's shoulder.

Jonghyun jostles her back roughly. "I wanted to get something nice, and I don't know anything about flowers. I just grabbed whatever I could find."

"Well, they're really nice," Jinki says. He leans the bouquet back towards him, sighing at the fresh scent. "Thank you, hyung. I like them a lot."

Jonghyun scratches at the back of his neck, a pleased smile on his lips. "You're welcome."

Both of them rock back on their heels as the conversation stilts. When the silence begins to drag on, Sodam clears her throat. "So, how long can we stay back here before we get kicked out? I don't want to get you in trouble if we linger."

Jinki pokes his head out of the door. He'd found that he could judge how long they had before things got frantic by the pace of the stage crews' steps; that only half of them were only power-walking meant they still had some time left. "Maybe a few more minutes, since I still have to change...I think they want to go over some things before the evening performance."

"Well, we don't want to keep you, since you're the star of the show." Jonghyun grins at him. "But can we take a picture before we leave? I know you're going to wear this later in the show, but my phone doesn't have the best camera. I doubt I'm going to see you in an outfit like this again."

"Sounds great! I'll take the picture for you both." Sodam snatches Jonghyun's phone out of his hand. Gesturing for them to step back, she waves her hands, frowning as she tries to direct them. "Can't you get closer than that? This phone can't make a very wide shot."

Stepping closer, Jonghyun slings an arm over his shoulder and grumbles. "Lean down a little, could you? Your boots are too damn big."

Jinki snickers when Jonghyun stumbles on his toes as he tries to stand taller. "Having trouble reaching, hyung?"

"You're lucky I'm not allowed to mess up your hair tonight, Jinki-yah." Jonghyun's fingers snake under his curls to give a quick pinch at the back of his neck. "You're being extra cheeky."

When Jinki yelps, Sodam sighs, brows furrowed in exaggerated annoyance. "Can I take a picture of you two, or are you going to just play around?"

"Yes, yes, picture time, got it." Jonghyun points to the camera. "Smile, Jinki-yah."

Jinki faces the camera as instructed and beams, unable to help smiling brighter when he feels Jonghyun squeeze his shoulder and lean more of his weight on him for balance.

Sodam snaps a few more pictures, then claps her hands. "Alright, that's good."

She passes the phone back to Jonghyun, who pulls up the pictures and holds it out so they can all see. Sodam rests her head on Jonghyun's shoulder and coos. "This picture came out so cute. You two look happy."

Sidling up on Jonghyun’s other side, Jinki stares at the picture, caught off guard by the brightness of his own smile. Did he always look that happy around Jonghyun?

Jonghyun hums. "It came out well, yeah -- should we use this one?"

"But your eyes are closed, hyung. Was that on purpose?"

"I do that a lot, haven't you noticed? My eyes get red when I fall asleep with my contacts in...it's the best way to cover that up." Jonghyun looks down at his phone again, this time tapping his way through the screen to twitter. "Do you mind if I upload it? You still have a few shows left to go, and your musical deserves some extra promoting. I know you've worked hard."

"Sure, go ahead," Jinki agrees. He's too pleased with Jonghyun's compliment to care that he usually avoids sharing things online. "It'll be nice to have it up there."

"Alright then, I'm uploading it..." Jonghyun taps and squints at his screen before he pulls away from it with a smile. "And it’s all done. Too late to delete it now."

Sodam only manages squeeze off a single question about Jinki’s career before before Jonghyun's phone buzzes violently in his hand, screen flickering every half-second with a new notification.

Jonghyun blinks at it. “Um...”

"You better turn that off completely during the show," Sodam says.

"I guess so," Jonghyun says, eyes wide as he opens up his phone. "That picture really took off fast -- is this why you never make your account public?"

Jinki shrugs. "Kind of. Too much attention can be a little overwhelming."

"Yeah, I guess...I didn't expect so many people to notice I posted something this quickly." Jonghyun taps rapidly at the screen, expression desperate as he tries to turn off the flood of notifications. "And now a lot of your fans are following me for whatever reason...how many can you possibly have?"

Jinki sticks out his lips in a fake pout. "Are you saying you expected me to be unpopular?"

"No." Jonghyun huffs. "I'm just saying I didn't expect people to follow me because of one picture with you."

"You should have expected it, Jjong -- Jinki's a celebrity after all." Sodam shrugs. "They're probably hoping you'll post more pictures with him later."

"Damn. I hope they aren't disappointed if I don't."

"We can take more pictures sometime," Jinki offers. "As long as you don't take any when we're out drinking. I don't want anyone to find where we're at, or see me drunk...I'd definitely get in trouble for that."

"I'm more likely to look drunk than you, so don't worry." Jonghyun laughs. "I'm not sure I want to do it anyway, it feels weird...like I'm using you for your fame."

"I know you're not like that, hyu--"

"You're telling me every costume designer went to get coffee?!" A booming voice from across the theater cuts Jinki off and makes Jonghyun jump. As Sodam snickers at Jonghyun’s reaction, Jinki cringes, able recognize the voice from across the theater.

Jinki sighs and pushes back his bangs. "That was the director...he's a good guy, but I'm not sure you want to stick around. There'll be more of the yelling as we get closer to starting.”

"Alright. We should go and grab our seats, anyway," Sodam says. She nudges Jonghyun until he nods in agreement. "Good luck with your show, Jinki."

"I'll work hard." Jinki smiles, tucking the flowers under his other arm. "You two have good seats, right?"

"Very good seats," Jonghyun affirms. "I made sure to get the best. So you have to wave to us, okay?"

"I'll try, but I'm not sure I'll be able to see you with the stage lights."

Jonghyun laughs. "Don't worry about it then, just focus on your performance. If you make it a good one, I'll write up a review to please my new followers."

"You'll say good things about me no matter what," Jinki teases.

"You know I will." Jonghyun grins. Reaching in for a hug, he stops himself mid-way, pulling back before he crushes the bouquet of flowers against Jinki's side. Sodam's lips quirk in amusement at Jonghyun's awkward retreat when she turns her attention back to Jinki.

"Thanks for letting us backstage again. I'm going to take my brother away before he finds something else to talk about -- he can talk forever if you let him."

"Yeah...and I ought to get to work." Jinki swings his arms by his side, enjoying the playful glare Jonghyun sends him before he remembers to bow to Sodam. "It was nice to meet you. Thank you for coming to the musical."

"You too." She bows back.

Jinki watches them leave, waving to Jonghyun as he’s dragged away. The moment they step out of earshot, Sodam leans in towards Jonghyun's ear, chattering at him excitedly and glancing back at Jinki one last time.

Jinki catches her gaze with a knot in his stomach.

He should have concerned himself less with earning her approval, and more on keeping the butterflies that always fill his stomach around Jonghyun from affecting his behavior -- he can't shake the feeling that a part of her noticed he’s more fond of her brother than a friend should be.

***

Jinki opens up his twitter the moment he gets back to the dorm, curious about what fans might have to say about his last performance of the musical. Though it was something he planned on doing anyway, Jonghyun's presence in the audience had emboldened him to give a little extra fanservice before the curtains had closed. Their fans didn't know it yet, but the only appearance they would have in Korea for the next year would be for their concert, and Jinki felt like he had to do something special to make up for it.

A picture of himself with his hands in the air and a broad smile on his lips makes him grin at the memory of that moment -- though he’d been worried about balancing the musical and its rehearsals in the middle of promotions, he’s glad he didn’t pass up the role. It had been nice to play a role outside of the polite and sweet side of him he always emphasized to fans.

Backing out from his search, Jinki moves on to his mentions, heart fluttering when he sees that a good number of them include the picture he took with Jonghyun. As silly as it is, a part of him can't help but be happy to see their names are being used side-by-side. Jinki scrolls down further, fully expecting the comments to be about the picture he had let Jonghyun take or the songs Jonghyun had written for their last album, but finds little mention of that -- instead, his screen is flooded with screenshots, taken on different phones at different resolutions but all evidence of the same thing: Jonghyun following one of his biggest fansites.

Jinki stares at his phone in disbelief, half wondering if it was a joke -- why would Jonghyun follow one his fansites? Closing it, he goes to Jonghyun's following list, seeing no mention of it -- he could write it off as an image edit that got spread around, but knowing Jonghyun, he has reason to be suspicious. He moves through a few random discussions amongst the fans, and the same ones that noticed him following the fansite were posting jokes about the unfollow that shortly followed it.

Jinki sets his phone aside and rolls onto his back, needing to stare at the ceiling to try and think. That’s enough evidence for him that it really happened. But it still seemed...odd. Jonghyun always talked about keeping up with the industry, so it could be about that -- but a fansite wouldn't tell him anything about musical trends. And updates on SHINee are easy enough to find on the official accounts he was already following.

The only reason for someone to follow a fansite of his would be to look at pictures or video of him, right? His mind hones in on that thought, building his hopes higher and higher until his heart is beating stupidly fast. Did he just follow the site on accident, after looking up pictures of Jinki? And if he did look up pictures -- how often did he do that? Was it because he wanted pictures of the musical, or was it a regular thing?

It had to mean something.

Reaching back for his phone, Jinki pulls up the image again to look at the timestamp one fan had given, squinting at the screen as he zooms until he can read the small 3:03 am printed in the corner. Jonghyun had followed his site only an hour after ending his radio show.

So Jonghyun gets home around 3am, and the first thing he does look at pictures of me?

Jinki swallows, cheeks growing warm when his mind jumps to other things Jonghyun might do late at night after work. There’s no way Jonghyun would look them up with that purpose in mind -- it's not like fansite pictures were revealing. But the idea is still enticing, enough for him to want to find out why Jonghyun decided to sign himself up for easy access to pictures of him.

It’d be easier to get information out of him in person, but he can’t stand to wait, so he opens up his last conversation with Jonghyun and starts with a teasing text.

majingki: Why did you follow my fansite hyung? ^^

Though his message is read immediately, Jonghyun’s response comes a few minutes later.

realjonghyun85: Eh? Your fansite?

majingki: Yeah ^^

realjonghyun85: I clicked it on accident!!

realjonghyun85: The screen on my new phone is so big, see TT I keep pushing the wrong buttons

majingki: But why were you on there hyung ^^ Are you a fan hehe

realjonghyun85: Well, you know I'm your fan

majingki: Yeah, I know ^^

realjonghyun85: How did you know I followed it, anyway?

majingki: I saw fans posting about it ... they put up screenshots ^^

realjonghyun85: Seriously? Wow... I have to be careful

realjonghyun85: They're like detectives

majingki: Careful?

majingki: You think you might follow one again? ^^

realjonghyun85: My hands are clumsy!

majingki: Do you look often? ^^

realjonghyun85: They take good pictures!

majingki: You should make one your phone background then hyung~

realjonghyun85: You really want me to?

majingki: I'm joking he he

realjonghyun85: Too bad, I'm going to do it now

realjonghyun85: This is what you get for teasing me Jinki-yah

majingki: Free promotion? Sounds like a good thing ^^

realjonghyun85: I guess so ... hehe

majingki: Pick something good ^^

realjonghyun85: No such thing as a bad picture from these sites, don't worry

majingki: Mm...

majingki: So you have looked at them a lot?

realjonghyun85: You know, you're always extra cheeky when it's late

majingki: ^^

realjonghyun85: Shouldn't you sleep?

majingki: I had to tease you first

majingki: But I guess you're right...

majingki: We can’t all stay up till 3am looking up idol pictures... ^^

realjonghyun85: Go to bed, Jinki-yah

realjonghyun85: You need your rest

majingki: Alright, alright ... I won’t tease you anymore

majingki: Thanks again for coming to the musical, hyung ^^

realjonghyun85: Of course!

realjonghyun85: You were great ^^

realjonghyun85: Sodam enjoyed it too, and she's not a musical person at all

majingki: ^^ Thanks

majingki: I'm glad she liked it ... I was nervous

majingki: But I’ll sleep now! Since hyung said I should!

realjonghyun85: Glad you finally listen to me he he

majingki: You rest too ^^ Don't stay up too late hunting pictures~

realjonghyun85: I won’t!

realjonghyun85: Good night Jinki

***

"Hey, Jinki," Jonghyun greets him at the door and invites him in with a familiar hurried movement of his hands. "Sorry I'm not ready to leave yet. My friend is still here, we got caught up working on a new song together."

"That's fine." Jinki shrugs, toeing off his shoes before heading to wait on the couch. He's gotten used to catching Jonghyun in the middle an inspiration burst, and has learned to expect a small wait when he arrives. "You'll be done soon, you think?"

"Yeah, we're pretty much done." He walks past Jinki to the small music room. "Just let me help her pack her music and things, then we can--"

"Oh, I got it, Jonghyun." A woman steps out from the small studio, sheets of music shoved haphazardly into a set of folders under her arms.

Jinki stares at her, a sudden lump forming in his throat. He had always known that he couldn't be the only person Jonghyun worked with in his small apartment studio, but seeing first-hand that the person he’s working with is a pretty girl stirs a jealousy in him that he hadn't expected to feel. He wanted those moments all to himself.

The woman smiles at him broadly, then looks at Jonghyun as she comes to join them in the living room. "I didn't realize you were having a guest. I would have cut you off a while ago if I had known. I hate it when you're late to things."

"Yeah, well..." Jonghyun rubs the back of his neck. "I lost track of time, so I didn't think to say anything. But it's good we didn't lose the flow we had going, right?"

The woman rolls her eyes, obviously as familiar as Jinki is with Jonghyun's excuses. “You always lose track of time.”

"I know, I know." Jonghyun claps his hands together, eager to move the subject on from his habitual lateness, and gestures to Jinki. "This is the idol friend I was telling you about, Lee Jinki -- I guess you probably know him as SHINee's Onew.”

Before Jonghyun can introduce her in turn, she bows to Jinki. "I'm Sojin, Jonghyun's friend from high school. I usually play keyboard for him and help him write." There's a small spark in her eye as she pauses to fix her hair before continuing. "I'm sorry that we ran late, but I am glad I got to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too," Jinki says, trying to ignore her smile even as he returns it. She's pretty, in a heart-wrenching way -- the image of her and Jonghyun sharing the piano bench is enough to make his chest burn. He locks his hands together in front of him and bows to her, hoping his politeness will hide the jealousy still clawing at his gut.

"Ah, you're even more handsome in real life..." she muses, eyes bouncing over his face when he straightens. "Jonghyun always keeps such good-looking friends."

Jonghyun's eyes widen. He looks quickly between Jinki and Sojin, clearly as caught off guard by the blatant flirting as Jinki had been.

"Well, of course he's good-looking, Sojin -- he's an idol," Jonghyun huffs. "And a popular one, too. I'm lucky I ever get to see him at all with how busy he is."

Sojin shakes her head and sighs before heading to the door. "You don't need to hint at me like that, Jonghyun. I understand that you two had plans. I'll leave."

"Sorry, I don’t mean to rush you out." Jonghyun apologizes, but follows her to the door and opens it without hesitation. "We just don’t get to see each other much, and he just finished promoting."

"That's a shame." Sojin stops outside the door. "I hope to see you again when you're not so rushed."

Jinki smiles, hoping it comes across as sincere. "Yeah, you too."

"Later, Sojin -- send me those recordings when you get the chance." Jonghyun closes the door after her, then slumps back against it with a heavy sigh. He fixes Jinki with an apologetic look as he straightens. "I'm really sorry about that, Jinki. I could tell you were kind of uncomfortable with her flirting."

"It's fine," Jinki says. "Stuff like that happens."

"Still, though." Jonghyun pouts. "Let me know if you want me to tell her to back off, alright? I doubt you two will meet again, but I don't want you to feel put on the spot like that if you do."

Jinki shrugs. He already feels better now that they're alone, and the tinge of protectiveness in Jonghyun's voice is nearly enough to make him forget his earlier jealousy. "I can handle it, hyung. I have plenty of experience turning people down."

Jonghyun shakes his head, a wry smile on his lips, and reaches out to ruffle Jinki’s hair before he can protest. "C'mon, now you're just bragging."

"I'm not, really!" Jinki squirms away from Jonghyun, fixing his bangs back into place as he backs up into the other room to escape. "It's just true!"

"I'm sure it is..." Jonghyun mumbles, suddenly pulling his hands back. The corners of his mouth etching deeper in annoyance as steps over to the coat rack to retrieve his jacket. "You're really good-looking. Probably get tons of offers."

"It doesn't matter -- I'm not really interested in dating," Jinki says, hoping to placate Jonghyun, though his own mood has already soured.

His mind has already made connections he never wanted to make, and he can only imagine one reason Jonghyun would be upset about Sojin's interest in him. Since before they met, Jonghyun had penned dozens of lyrics about one-sided love, but never given a name to his muse -- and if it were going to be anyone, wouldn't it be the girl he'd worked on music with since he was young?

He pushes the thought away, afraid of sharpening the tension between them. No point in thinking about it, anyway, when he'd never have a chance.

When Jonghyun returns, Jinki forces out a smile, slipping back into his shoes and watching patiently as Jonghyun shrugs on his jacket.

"Let's go grab something to eat." Jonghyun steps past him and swings open the door, uncharacteristically rushed. "I've been cooped up in here all day."

"Sounds good to me," Jinki agrees. He follows Jonghyun to the elevator in long strides to keep up with his pace. When the door closes behind them, the blurry reflection of Jonghyun with his arms crossed is enough to keep him from trying to start a conversation, so he shoves his hands in his pockets and waits, counting the seconds between the ding for each floor to distract himself.

Once outside, Jonghyun waves for them to cross the street, still wordless even as he directs them towards their usual restaurant. It's not as if Jinki needs verbal directions, when they've been to this place a few times before and they're walking together, but they've never made the short walk in total silence -- even if they have nothing to say, Jonghyun usually fills the space in with his absent humming. Tonight, he steps alongside Jinki quietly, looking deep in thought as they navigate their way through the bustle of pedestrians to reach the restaurant on the corner.

Just after they settle into their seats and make their orders, Jonghyun's phone buzzes against the table. He glares at it accusingly.

"Sojin wants your number," he grumbles, fingers beginning staccato taps of irritation across the screen when he opens his phone to begin a response.

“Sorry.” Jinki slumps back in his seat, feeling guilty. "It's not a big deal. Just tell her you won’t give it out or ignore it."

Jonghyun's mouth twists when he receives another message. "You sure you don't want her number or anything?"

"I already said I'm not interested," Jinki insists. He kicks at the leg of his own chair, irritated that Jonghyun seemed to be taking out whatever jealousy he felt on him. "Why are you so upset about it, anyway? Is Sojin some one-sided love of yours or something?"

The silence that follows is enough to make Jinki regret the question the minute it leaves his mouth. He'd rather not know if that’s true, and the intense stare Jonghyun is giving him makes him think it is.

"...Are you asking me that as a serious question, Jinki?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Jinki snaps. "You've worked with her since high school, right? And you spend so much time alone together...it makes sense that you would like her."

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm interested in her at all," Jonghyun protests. He pinches the bridge of his nose, hiding his mouth with his hand as he gives a soft laugh. "Really, I'm not interested -- I've never even thought about it. We just work well together on music, and share a lot of early memories...we’re old friends. It's never been anything more than that."

Jinki's scrunches his nose and eyes Jonghyun, still skeptical. "You're acting like you're jealous, though."

"I'm not jealous." Jonghyun scowls. When their food is set down a moment later, he reaches across the table to swipe a piece of Jinki's food before beginning his explanation. "I'm just irritated with how she’s acting, you know? I feel like she only hit on you so blatantly because you're an idol -- I've never seen her be so pushy before about a guy -- and I don't like that she'd treat you differently. I don't want you to have to worry about that part of your life around me."

"I told you I’m used to it, hyung." Jinki says. "It’s not a big deal unless there's a crazy crowd, or it’s one of our sasaeng fans. The only reason I'm tense right now is because you seem tense."

"Yeah, and I'm sorry for that." Jonghyun sighs and relaxes back into his chair. He wipes his hand on a napkin, then wring it in his hands, staring past Jinki as he thinks over his words before continuing. "Plus, I just ... am a bit jealous, I guess. I don't have a lot of friends I can meet up like this, one-on-one. And now I keep thinking you'll meet some other girl I work with and want me to invite her along--"

"I wouldn't do that."

"I wouldn't blame you, if you did," Jonghyun says, smiling reluctantly. "And it's selfish of me to not help you meet people, isn't it? It’s probably hard for you to date, as an idol. But I just don't like the idea of sharing the little time I get with you ... I've really grown to like it."

"I like it it just being us too,” Jinki says, not realizing how it sounds until Jonghyun averts his gaze to avoid meeting his eyes as a shy smile pulls at his lips.

A flush crawls up Jinki’s neck. He rushes to add on his statement, not wanting to say anything suspicious. "I mean, I'm used to being stuck around four other guys and fans, and since they're both really noisy--" he cuts himself off, already feeling like he's making things worse. "I meant that the quiet's a nice change. And you’re a great friend."

At his words, Jonghyun's expression warms, and Jinki has only a half-second to try and calm the flutter in his heart before Jonghyun reaches across the table to squeeze his shoulder.

"You’re a good friend to me too, Jinki-yah. I’m glad we’ve gotten so close.”

***

Jonghyun’s coffee table is covered in a dozen dishes and drinks for each of them. All of the bowls are open and steaming, ready to eat, and Jinki can’t remember the last time he’s seen so much food.

Jinki stretches his legs out under the table with a satisfied sigh and reaches for the second dish Jonghyun had ordered for them to share. He hasn't eaten properly in ages, it feels like. The latest blowup between Jino and Kibum at the dorm had given him plenty of reason to avoid any common areas, and between that and schedules he'd missed more meals than he'd eaten. The chance to relax with Jonghyun and a movie (the first Lord of the Rings, predictably -- because Jinki always lets Jonghyun pick and they had just finished the books) had brought back his hunger with a force that had his mouth watering from the moment their food came to the door.

His appetite doesn't go unnoticed by Jonghyun -- probably because they're bumping elbows every time Jinki reaches across the table to grab another piece of meat from Jonghyun's side -- and he imitates Jinki’s reach by knocking back into him with deliberate force.

"Are you hungry or something, Jinki-yah?" Jonghyun teases. "You seem to be eating off every corner of the table."

"A bit," Jinki answers, covering his mouth with his hand as he gives a sheepish smile and finishes chewing. "I haven't had a full meal like this since promotions started."

"Idols, really." Jonghyun tuts and shakes his head. He puts a hand on Jinki's shoulder for balance and stands, then settles onto the couch. "I’m full already, so the rest of the food is yours. Eat anything left that you like."

"Thanks, hyung." Jinki grins back at Jonghyun before reaching for what was left of his soup, He looks up at the movie as he sips the broth, trying to figure out what he had missed so far. Though they had read all the books together, Jinki hadn't enjoyed them enough to remember all the details, and he still got lost in all the nonsense about elves and dwarves and magic.

He squints at the white-robed wizard on screen. "Why is Gandalf asking that guy for help? I thought he was a bad guy?"

"He is -- Gandalf will learn that in a bit. He ends up blocking the fellowship's preferred path to Mordor, and is the reason the fellowship has to go through the Mines of Moria, which is where Gandalf falls."

Jinki hums with feigned interest and slumps back against the couch. Though the movie isn't his kind of story, it at least gets Jonghyun talking, and Jinki is fully content to listen to his commentary and glance over his shoulder to watch his reactions for the next few hours.

When the credits begin to roll, Jonghyun sighs and flips on the lamp next to him.

"I'm not going to force you through the next movie tonight," Jonghyun says. "It's getting pretty late for you."

"Oh, yeah..." Jinki trails off, already dreading returning the dorm. "I guess I should be heading back, huh?"

Jonghyun raises a brow at him. "You don't sound like you want to go back.”

“Not really.” Jinki sighs. He unfolds his hands on the table to stare at them, trying to think what to say. He shouldn't be sharing, not when it's an issue among the members -- but he trusts Jonghyun.

Jinki takes a deep breath and explains. "Kibum and Jino are fighting lately. I don't really know what started it -- I was gone for that, and they won't tell me -- but Jino's been making little jabs and Kibum's been an ass at every chance he can be." Jinki bites his lip in guilt: it's his job to keep things running smoothly, and he'd been failing at it. "And when they aren't doing that, they're completely silent, and the whole dorm is tense. I've tried to get them to talk about it a few times, but they won't listen. Jino refuses to admit he did anything to offend Kibum, and Kibum won't talk to him unless he does."

"It's not your fault if they won't talk," Jonghyun says gently. "Can you stay with your parents for bit and wait for Kibum and Jino to smooth things out on their own? They'll have to, eventually, since you’re all stuck together."

Jinki shakes his head. "My parents still live in Gwangmyeong...it's not that far, but I would feel like I'm running away if I went there. I have practice for our repackage to worry about, too."

Jonghyun fiddles with the rim of his glasses, brow wrinkling thoughtfully. "You could stay here for the night, then, if you wanted. The couch isn't that comfortable, but you're welcome to it."

Jinki blinks, caught off guard by the offer -- he hadn't realized Jonghyun considered them close enough for that to be on the table. "Are you sure? I really don't want to impose..."

"It's not imposing, Jinki-yah." Jonghyun laughs and pokes his shoulder with a socked foot. "I offered. And it’ll mean I get extra time with you, too -- that's definitely something I've been lacking lately."

"Yeah." Jinki smiles back at him gratefully. "Let me tell the members I’ll be staying, just in case they wonder why I’m not at the dorm."

He pulls out his phone and fires off a quick message into the members' group chat to tell them he'll be staying at Jonghyun's. His message is been read immediately by all four of them, but only Minho bothers to give him a quick response.

Sighing, he tosses the phone aside. "Looks like I can stay. No one said anything against it."

"Hey, I'm sure they miss you." Jonghyun pats his back reassuringly. "If you’re going to stay, we can watch the next movie.” He tugs on Jinki’s shirt to try and get him to stand. “But you should get up here if we're for it -- staying on the floor like that isn't good for your back."

"Sorry, hyung." Jinki grins and climbs up onto the couch, holding out his empty bottle to Jonghyun. "Do you have anymore to drink? If I'm staying, a little more couldn't hurt."

***

A little more turns out to be a whole bottle of soju Jonghyun had found in the back of his fridge. And just like with the food, Jonghyun cuts himself off early and leaves the rest to Jinki, who’s all too eager to finish off the rest. The fact that he’s staying at Jonghyun's house for the night has nestled as a bundle of nerves in his stomach, and he’s counting on the alcohol to take the edge off. After he finishes the last drop, Jinki tucks himself back against the cushion of the couch. The room is already swirling around him, and he needs something to lean against when the last few swallows hit.

Even with the lights off for the second movie, he see Jonghyun looking at him out of the corner of his eye, clearly concerned about the amount of alcohol Jinki had managed to drink. For some reason, the worry is amusing -- maybe because it's so painfully in character for Jonghyun, or maybe because he's really just that drunk. But the more he thinks about it, the harder it is not to laugh, and soon Jinki is snickering, shoulders rising up to his ears as he tries to keep himself from laughing fully.

Jonghyun turns to him, frowning with worry when Jinki immediately straightens his face to try and hide his amusement. "You're really drunk, Jinki-yah -- you sure you're up for watching the rest of this?"

"I'm fine, hyung," Jinki says, enunciating carefully to fight against the heavy feeling on his tongue. "I'm having fun! I want to finish the movie."

Jonghyun narrows his eyes. "If you're sure..."

"I'm sure." Jinki nods. He tries to bump his shoulder against Jonghyun's when he opens his mouth to argue, but the shift in weight is difficult to calculate, and he ends up nearly falling over Jonghyun's lap.

“Whoa, careful.” Jonghyun catches him quickly and helps him up with a gentle push. He eyes Jinki with caution. “...Maybe movement is a bad idea for you right now.”

"Mm, maybe." Jinki nestles back into the crease between the back cushions of the couch. Jonghyun hadn't bothered to push him all the way upright, so he has good reason to stay put -- especially when that means leaving only a few inches of distance between them.

He looks through his lashes up at Jonghyun. He can’t not look, now that he’s realized how close they are.

A sudden heaviness pulls on his chest. He shouldn't be thinking about doing anything -- shouldn't even entertain the thought -- but the alcohol is a good excuse to let himself indulge. And Jonghyun never seems to mind closeness, so leaning against him wouldn’t be that different than helping him with billiards, except he's touching with no goal in mind but the pleasant fizzle in his stomach he can never admit to having. Jinki bites his lip and shifts closer a few inches at a time, still unsure if he wants his approach to be noticed or not.

Jonghyun makes no attempt to move away -- if anything, he seems to be leaning back towards him -- and Jinki gets bolder. He nuzzles his cheek against Jonghyun's shoulder, then moves lower, adjusting his weight until he's resting his head fully on Jonghyun's arm and his right hand is up against his leg.

At that, Jonghyun stiffens, and Jinki stops, suddenly afraid he had gone too far. "This okay, hyung?"

"It's fine," Jonghyun says, keeping his eyes locked on the screen. The shadows along his neck from the dim light of the television shift as he swallows, bending into new shapes when he adjusts his arm to rest behind Jinki's shoulders. "You still comfortable?"

"Yeah," Jinki breathes. The movie blurs as he adjusts to the new angle, a half-mixture of faces and movement that seems much less important than the soft and steady sound of Jonghyun breathing deeply above him. Jinki's heart pounds in his throat as what he’s done sinks in.

Jonghyun's arm is around him, and his cheek is pressed right against Jonghyun’s chest, and Jonghyun’s chest is warm and firm and everything he’d imagined it to be, the few times he’d dared to think about it.

He's had this kind of contact with his members before, but it had never felt this thrilling.

He tries to force his attention back to the movie with little luck. At every tense scene, Jonghyun's fingers tighten slightly around his arm, sending a buzz flitting across his skin that reminds him how close they are.

All he would have to do to kiss Jonghyun is lift himself a few inches and turn his head.

As the image in his mind gets more detailed, Jinki flushes, trying to ignore the voice in his head that tells him alcohol would be a perfect excuse for anything he might do. Shaking his head, he throws his attention back to the movie, needing something to comment on to end the silence that has his mind racing.

"The movies are way better than the books," Jinki says, flapping his hand at the screen. The camera pans out to fields and forests, and Jinki continues, mumbling under his breath. "I don't have to read all those boring descriptions of trees and nature or whatever...I can just look at them."

Jonghyun laughs softly. "You didn't like the books, huh?"

"They were a little boring, yeah..." Jinki trails off. He closes his eyes, enjoying the small shift of Jonghyun's chest against his cheek when he gives a mocking huff of offense. "But I wanted to read them since you liked them so much."

"Well, I'm honored you'd endure that for me," Jonghyun says. Despite his teasing tone, his voice sounds heavy, and his hand runs a small circle on Jinki’s shoulder. "Just tell me next time if you don't like what I pick, and we'll find something else."

"Okay." Jinki yawns and stretches out fully on the couch. "Will you be mad if I fall asleep, hyung? The movie's really dragging on..."

"I won't be mad. You don't like them either, do you?"

"Mm." Jinki closes his eyes to dodge the question. When the movie picks up into an action scene that takes Jonghyun's attention away from him, Jinki uses the chance to settle fully onto his chest.

Jonghyun's fingers whisper through his hair and push back his bangs. "...Jinki-yah? Are you falling asleep?"

Jinki gives a tired grunt. He's not sure if he will, but he's already slipped peacefully into the warm and content stage of drunkenness where he doesn't want to move. Maybe if Jonghyun thinks he's asleep they can stay like this all night.

***

Jinki wakes up in a sweat. He doesn't remember going to sleep with a blanket on him, or the pillow under his head. Kicking off the blanket, Jinki stands, immediately reaching for the button of his pants. As always, he’d worn his best-fitting jeans when he saw Jonghyun, and though they aren’t uncomfortably tight, they're still too warm to sleep in, especially when he's still a little buzzed. Undoing the zipper, Jinki shoves them down around his knees and pries them off of his calves, nearly tripping over his feet as he tries to step out of them.

He swears under his breath until he kicks them off in triumph and collapses back on the couch. When he looks up, Jonghyun is standing outside of his room, looking frozen between heading back inside and moving on to the kitchen.

"Oh, hyung. Sorry, uh--" Jinki says, grateful that the dark hides the blush creeping up his neck. "I guess I fell asleep in my jeans and got too hot. I don’t really have pajamas or anything."

"Ah, yeah. I didn't think about that," Jonghyun says. His focus bounces between Jinki's face and the floor. Jinki doesn't need light to be able to tell that his cheeks are burning. "Do you want anything to wear?"

"I'll be fine, thanks." Jinki quickly lies down to cover himself back up with the blanket. The idea of getting to wear something Jonghyun owned sounds too enticing for him to feel right accepting, even if he would feel more comfortable with some kind of pajamas.

Jonghyun nods and shuffles off to the kitchen, still clearly embarrassed. The sound of him opening and closing cabinets is like gunshots in the tense silence, and Jinki stares unblinkingly at the ceiling, hyper aware of every movement Jonghyun makes. When he hears the pad of Jonghyun’s feet approaching him, he closes his eyes to seem asleep, reopening them only after he hears the clink of glass against the coffee table.

Jonghyun meets his eyes with a soft smile in the dark, and Jinki swallows, feeling a dozen hopes spark to life as the distance between them seems to shrink.

“Hyung?”

"I'm not sure you drank enough water to balance out all that alcohol," Jonghyun whispers. "I don't want you to end up with a hangover."

"Oh." Jinki smiles at his own stupidity, reaching out to take a drink from the glass. He must still be drunk, to be thinking there was a possibility of anything happening between them. "Thank you, hyung."

"Sure." Jonghyun ruffles his hair lightly. "Get some rest, Jinki."

"You too." Jinki lays back down.

When he hears the door to Jonghyun's bedroom close again, he presses the heels of his hands against his eyelids, willing himself to forget the moment. The discomfort is distracting enough to pull him away from the rapid beat of his heart, but it's not enough to erase the image of Jonghyun in only a loose shirt and boxers from his mind. He hasn't seen Jonghyun without his glasses in ages, either, and that felt new too. It's not that Jonghyun looks better without them, but that it feels intimate now -- another part of Jonghyun dressing down at the end of the day, rather than dressing up to make a good first impression.

With a groan, Jinki rolls onto his side and forces himself to breathe slowly. He needs to calm himself down if he wants to get any sleep. The last thing he needs to think about is Jonghyun dressing down around him.

#jongyu #hyung au #long fic #the slowest slow burn #jong is a lotr nerd #i had to consult my wife on some shit cause i dun remember much about lotr

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localqueerdad · 8 years ago

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how this world keeps spinning - 5

chapter title: lay us down, we’re in love.

pairing: jeremy/trevor word count: 3,333 (lmao) a/n: long time no update, huh. i am sorry for not getting back into this, life happened and messed me up but i want to write again because i've missed it and these two idiots. these updates are going to be sporadic at best: it might be updated next week, it might be next month, who knows. i'm incredibly busy with school and my personal life, but i'll do my best. i want to do these two idiotic lovebirds justice. next time: someone needs to stop these boys my god stop making bad decisions

[chapter 1] [chapter 2] [chapter 3] [chapter 4] [ao3]

The Cardell Warehouse was well known in Los Andreas for being one of the safest places to store anything the highest bidder wanted to keep hidden. There were whispers about how it was used to keep all sorts of horrible things; drugs, prisoners, nuclear weapons. Figments of a criminal’s wildest imagination.

Trevor knew most of these rumours to be true.

It was mostly why his heart felt as if it was about to burst out of his chest as he approached the wide bay doors of the entrance: ivy crawling up to the roof like escape ropes, the surrounding area wild and unkempt. He put his hand in his trouser pocket, reaching for his gun out of habit before realising that he didn’t have it. It was back at the base, with the rest of his stuff. All he had bought with him was a hoodie and his fear and a vague idea of how terribly everything was about to go.

He pushes the door open, one trembling hand against steel. It creaks, and he swallows his regret and walks through.

The lights are off. If he looks up, he would see the dangling lamps that hang from the ceiling, old and decrepit. He doesn’t look up though. He looks ahead, at the single chair placed in the middle of the huge room. A prison of cement. Boxes are piled against the far walls, leaving an oddly circular space right in the middle of the warehouse.

The Corpirate always did have a flair for the dramatic.

His feet are light on the ground, small taps echoing through the empty building as he walks as slow as he can to the centre. Memories of past occasions at this spot haunt his mind; the person he was before he met the Fake AH Crew, before he sold the Corpirate out. When he tortured and maimed and did so many horrible things that he swears he can still see the blood on his hands sometimes. He doesn’t want to go back to that.

He feels his courage nearly evaporate into the dirty air around him when he spots the Corpirate, leaning against a pile of boxes on the opposite side of the circle and staring right at him. There’s a smile on his face, and he radiates confidence and anger.

Trevor feels sick to his stomach as he looks back at him.

Stopping at the edge of the circle, a fair distance from the chair, he forces himself to push his worry away. He replaces it with a smug glint in his eyes and arms folded against his chest. He hears the Corpirate laugh, and crook a finger at him to come closer. Trevor stays where he is.

If he turns his head, he’d spot the several lackeys hidden behind boxes, with oversized guns and bulletproof vests. The Corpirate never did go anywhere alone after all; his paranoia was blatantly obvious even to the most oblivious, and it was one of the few things Trevor had over the Corpirate. Even the most powerful of men could be manipulated.

“It’s nice to see you again, boy.”

His voice is low and honeyed, and it sends a shiver right down Trevor’s spine. He tries not to let it show on his face, but judging by how the Corpirate’s grin grows, he hasn’t done a good enough job.

“Yeah, I can’t say the same for you,” he drawls, hugging his arms tighter. The Corpirate cocks his head to the side, his smile ingrained onto his face as he examines Trevor.

“Always so mouthy. You know, I probably should have killed you when you were nothing but a little brat.”

“But you didn’t. And so here we are.”

“And here we are, indeed,” the Corpirate muses, thinly disguised irritation covered up by amusement. “I think we both know where this conversation is going, but I’ll tell you anyway. I don’t take kindly to people who stab me in the back, and you knew this. And yet, you still went to the Fake’s.” He looks Trevor over, scoffing at his slim frame with cruel eyes. “I know you’re far from stupid, so you must have thought that was the best option. It wasn’t.”

Trevor unfolds his arms and lets them fall to his side, bracing himself. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” he replies, and cold metal is pressed to the back of Trevor’s head.

He finds himself laughing then. A cold, sudden burst of uncontrollable giggles erupt from his mouth, as he stares the Corpirate, the man he hates with all his being, right in the eyes. The sound bounces around the warehouse, and Trevor almost wants to cry at how harsh and malicious he really is. Almost.

“You don’t wanna kill me. You can’t.” He snarls at him after he stops laughing, clenching his fists and locking his jaw.

“I wouldn’t bet on that.”

The gun presses against his head harder. Trevor keeps his glare directed on the Corpirate, an idea bursting into colour in his mind.

“If you had wanted me dead, you would have killed me already.” The Corpirate doesn’t reply, and so Trevor continues with unrelenting pace. “I’m useful to you. I always have been, and I always will be. No one else in your sorry little crew has anywhere near as much skill as I do, and you’re not going to get anywhere near the top without me.” He spits the words out like gunfire, concealing the way his skin crawls with an emotionless façade.

The Corpirate shrugs, and nods to the man behind Trevor. The metal leaves the back of his head, and he hears him step away from him. “You’re right,” he says, stepping forwards to the middle of the circle. “Maybe it would be easier having you killed, but hey,” he tilts his face up, his grin terrifying in the moonlight, “what’s the fun in doing things the easy way?”

Trevor lets himself smile. “The catch?”

“You come with me now. And you don’t question anything I do, ever again. I don’t care how valuable you are, you’re dead on the spot if you cross me again. Understood?”

“I understand, but I’ll need to give the Fake’s some kind of excuse as to why I’ve left. It’ll be suspicious if I don’t, and they’ll come looking for me. You don’t want that.”

The Corpirate crosses the circle in a flash, and he has Trevor by the throat as soon as he can so much as blink. Trevor closes his eyes, trying to ignore the hot, unpleasant breath on his face, as well as the hand around his throat.

“Fine,” he hisses into his ear, his hold tightening. “But you don’t tell anyone the real reason, and you meet me here in five hours. Agreed?”

He nods erratically, and the Corpirate lets go of him. Trevor stumbles back slightly, rubbing his neck with one hand. “Agreed,” he chokes out, wincing at how hoarse his voice sounds.

The silence in a building as huge as the Cardell is suffocating, and Trevor wants to disappear as the Corpirate turns his back on him and starts walking away. He lets himself fall apart for a split second, before pulling himself back together and straightening up.

The Corpirate pauses in his stride, tilting his head to the floor in front of him as Trevor stares at his back. “Oh, and boy? If you break any of the promises you just made, I can take things far more precious from you than your life. Like your little… Pet, for example.”

An icy cold sensation of terror washes over him, his eyes widening as he realises what he means. Jeremy. Of course.

He doesn’t respond, and Trevor watches as the Corpirate leaves the warehouse, the rest of his lackeys following after him.

Trevor falls to his knees.

There is an odd felling of peacefulness to the base at two in the morning that there never is during daylight.

It’s like another realm, almost; faded and not quite real. Of course, that could be his dissociation, but Trevor would rather take the first idea over reality. His knees are sore from kneeling on the warehouse floor for over an hour out of numbness, and he’s sure his face is devoid of any colour.

It’s chilly and quiet, and he finds himself standing in the middle of the hallway, looking at the old carpet on the floor, the haggard edges, the cracking paint splashed on the walls. It’s worn, the whole apartment is, but it’s home.

Home. What a funny concept that is.

He had never had anything close to a home, really. There was the flat he and his mom had lived in when he was little, but he didn’t remember anything from there really. Just blood on the floor and dilated pupils.

And now, he’s getting the one he stumbled into ripped out from under his feet.

Funny.

The stairs creak under his feet, and he braces himself for a yell from one of the bedrooms, or a thud, or anything that signals someone being awake. Nothing. Thank god. If someone were to catch him sneaking about in the middle of the night, he wouldn’t be able to bluff his way out of it.

No. He has a plan. For that, he can’t talk to anyone but Jeremy. Anyone else would see right through his act, and although he’s aware of how Jeremy will too, Trevor can persuade him to keep it a secret. Hopefully.

He walks slowly, in some sort of stupor and discovers himself on the roof. Of all places his feet lead him, they had to take him here. He walks past discarded bottles and to the little garden.

Jeremy is sitting on the bench, staring into the distance. He doesn’t look up as Trevor sits next to him, instead letting loose a small sigh. Trevor fiddles with his hands in his lap and stares at the floor in front of him, his blood roaring in his ears as he tries to collect his thoughts.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jeremy tilt his head up to the sky and shake it slightly, before looking back out at the city.

“Where were you, Trevor?” He sounds tired, and Trevor hates that it’s his fault. He bits his lip and he can hear Jeremy sigh even louder as he turns to look at him. “Tell me. Please.”

“I- I was… It’s a long story.”

“It’s the Corpirate, isn’t it?” It’s not phrased as a question – his tone is too monotone and quiet - but rather a statement that Jeremy already knows the answer to. He just needs Trevor to confirm it.

Trevor nods his head slowly, before realising that Jeremy wasn’t looking at him and letting a small “yeah, it is,” escape him. He sees Jeremy put his head in his hands and groan, and he can barely restrain himself from comforting him however he can. He doesn’t think that Jeremy would be very comforted by him though, considering that it’s his fault.

“God, I can’t fucking – I can’t believe you,” Jeremy spits out, pulling his hands from his face and resting them on his legs. He turns to glare at Trevor, the terror shining in his eyes betraying the anger resting in them. “You were meant to let us help you. We’re a crew, Trevor, I’m your friend! We wanted to help you, but no,” Jeremy stands up, facing Trevor as he yells. “You don’t let anyone help. All you do is push everyone away and I’m sick of it.”

“I had to,” Trevor says, his voice calmer than he had anticipated.

Jeremy pulls at his hair, walking in a small circle in front of the bench and swearing under his breath. “Trevor.” He’s calmer now, his feet still and voice low. “Trevor, you can’t just give yourself up to the Corpirate. You hate him, I know you do, I know you better than anyone else.”

“Yeah,” Trevor swallows. “You do. That’s why I’m sorry.”

The anger in Jeremy has seemingly dissipated, being replaced instead by sorrow. Trevor pushes himself off the bench and walks to where Jeremy stands just a couple of metres away, grabbing his hand. He traces a small circle on it, avoiding his eyes and focusing on each individual wrinkle on them. The scarred knuckles, his short nails, the way in which the lines seem to run on forever and ever and ever. He lets loose a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, and looks at Jeremy. He’s looking right back, vulnerability coating his features.

“Jeremy,” he starts, voice nearly breaking, “you know just as well as I do that the Corpirate isn’t going to fall unless someone takes him out. You also know I’m the best person to do that.” Jeremy furrows his brow and opens his mouth to argue, so Trevor places a finger to his lips to try and give himself some more time to explain. “I am, Jer. I know how he works, and where all his warehouses are, and where he keeps his drugs and all the nasty shit that would have him in jail for the rest of his life. Except he can’t go to jail, because he’d get out eventually and then all hell would break loose.”

He drops his finger from Jeremy’s lips, and notices that their left hands are still intertwined. Jeremy clears his throat, shaking his head as he tries to process the information.

“So you expect us to just let you give yourself up?” He asks, a note of desperation that Trevor had never heard before in his voice.

“No, I don’t. That’s why you can’t tell anyone.”

Jeremy splutters, the corners of his mouth turning down. “You want me to lie? What if you get hurt, Trevor? I won’t be able to find you, and they won’t either. Please, you need to think about this- “

“I have, Jeremy. Over and over again. If anyone comes after me, he’ll kill them. Just let me finish what I started.

A beat of silence falls, before Jeremy’s small voice breaks it again. “Why does it have to be you?”

Trevor sighs, stepping close to Jeremy. “I’m the best option. If my plan works, he’ll never bother anyone again. I won’t be constantly running from him anymore, and he won’t be able to hurt any of you.”

“Did he… Did he threaten us?”

“Yeah, he did.” Trevor almost laughs, some twisted irony hitting him as he holds Jeremy’s hand and breaks his heart. “He threatened you, mostly.”

“Me?” Jeremy’s eyes are laced with confusion. “Why would he do that?”

“Because – oh man, Jeremy, for a sniper you sure are oblivious as hell.”

“What do you – oh,” his eyes flash with a sudden realisation, and he looks at Trevor as if he contains all the stars in the night sky.

Trevor swallows the lump in his throat and moves even closer to Jeremy, rubbing the back of his head with one hand. He’s pulled forward into a tight hug, and he rests his hands on the small of Jeremy’s back.

“I’m so sorry, Jeremy. For all of this,” he mumbles into Jeremy’s neck, and he feels the faint shake of Jeremy’s head as he sighs again.

“Don’t apologise. Please.”

He pulls back slightly, and now his hand is tracing the outline of Trevor’s jaw and smoothing the hair back behind his ears and he looks so incredibly sad. A stab of pain goes through Trevor, his regret flooding his lungs like a tidal wave and driving out any determination he had previously had to see the whole thing though. All he wanted was to stay in this moment with Jeremy for eternity, observing the sad smile on his usually joyous face twist into something more wistful, the way his hair dances in the wind, the peppermint and vanilla sent on his shirt.

Jeremy’s fingers still and drop from his face, and he looks to the side for a moment, before turning his head to gaze at Trevor. They’re so close to each other that he can feel Jeremy’s breath, how it seems to float above their heads in the cold air and dissipate. Jeremy clears his throat and interlocks their fingers together, squeezing them as he speaks up. “I was really, really hoping it wouldn’t be like this. I wanted it to be – y’know – special.”

Trevor can’t help but smile at the thought that they could be safe, possibly, and happy. With each other. Maybe not here, but in any other universe. A place far away from this bullshit that had consumed their lives bit by bit until they had nothing left but vague hopes and agonising regrets.

“It’s okay,” Trevor says, fondness tinting his tone and transforming into a thousand tiny butterflies in his stomach. “I can deal with this.”

Jeremy’s smile lights his entire face up, and he pulls Trevor by the collar of his shirt to meet him in the middle. His lips are soft compared to Trevor’s chapped ones, and he tastes of mint and coffee and fucking sunshine and its addictive in the best possible way. Trevor leans into the kiss, a hand almost cradling Jeremy’s waist as his other hand curls through his hair. He’s happy, he realises halfway through, his eyes closed and a smile on his face. There’s this feeling that he hasn’t felt for a long, long time rocking his mind, and he can’t quite place it until –

Oh.

There’s something horribly comical about this whole situation to Trevor, and he couldn’t figure out what it was until a boy from Boston with obnoxiously bright green hair and laughter that could fill an entire stadium with joy pulls him in for a kiss after he breaks his heart. It’s love. Or something close to it, anyway, he’s not really sure. Only that could explain why his heart is beating so fast, or how tears are wetting the corners of his eyes as he mumbles apologies into Jeremy’s lips.

He breaks away, leaning his forehead against Jeremy’s for a moment. A gentle kiss is pressed onto Jeremy’s forehead after he moves back slightly, and he hates himself more than he ever has for leaving him like this. His hands are the last things that leave him, and he feels cold and empty.

Jeremy keeps his eyes closed as Trevor steps away from him, a last apology and a promise floating through the air between them. His boots hit the floor with soft thumps, stopping briefly before resuming and fading gradually until there’s a slam of the door closing. Then, he’s gone, and the silence is suffocating.

It hits him all at once, and he lets himself crumble to the floor. It hurt – a numb, burning sensation in the centre of his chest which seems to be growing by the second, and that only Trevor seemed to be able to fix. Trevor, whose kiss felt like liquid fire running down his throat and setting everything in his body alight in the most exquisite form of destruction. Trevor, who he might never see again.

Jeremy has never been good with having faith; his sorry beginning and chaotic life had seen to that. He had always thought it best to keep his emotions tucked away neatly in a little pocket, far from harm. That’s something he shared with Trevor. They’re both scared of what could be. If they both survive this, Jeremy thinks he’d like to make that jump with Trevor.

With that in mind, he makes his way down from the roof and back to his room, where he curls into a ball on his bed. He spots one of Trevor’s hoodies slung over the back of a chair, and he lets himself cry. He cries until he can’t anymore, his cheeks stained with small tracks and his body slowly falling asleep.

He dreams of Trevor.

#fahc #fake ah crew #mine #doolins #[screeches] please love me i need motivation #im on the train forever tomorrow so im gonna outline the rest of the fic and shit #fingers crossed it'll work out

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emerald-aphrodite-blog · 8 years ago

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Diva Cup (menstrual cup) Review

Diva Cup Review

*I was not asked to write this review, nor am I receiving any sort of payment; financial or otherwise, for doing so. I’m simply a passionate consumer that believes in spreading the love or hate for the products that deserve it!* If you don’t know, the Diva cup is a menstrual cup. It’s basically a bell-shaped cup that is inserted into the vagina, where it sits in the vaginal canal collecting your menstrual flow instead of absorbing it like a tampon would. If I have one regret in life, it is not discovering menstrual cups, and in my case the Diva cup, sooner. How are these not common knowledge? How do tampons still have a place in this world? How?! You clearly don’t have to wait until the end of this review to get an idea of how I feel about the Diva Cup. But keep reading to discover why I believe it’s so great, and even a few reasons why it’s not so great, and maybe it’ll help in your decision to get one for yourself or not(unlikely).

The Great

You’ll save money. It won’t save you thousands. Well maybe over a lifetime. Somebody do the math and let me know! Tampons don’t usually break the bank, but they are a recurring cost that adds up over time. The Diva Cup can be considered a “yearly” cost because their site recommends you replace it each year, but I’ve had mine for just over 2 years and it’s still in great condition. I also read online somewhere that they can last significantly longer when taken care of properly. I paid $34CAD for mine. A quick google search shows me they’re selling for around $37CAD right now. So in the past 2 years I have spent $36 for my period, whereas if I was still using tampons that number would be around $200+. No leaks. I have personally never experienced leaking with the Diva Cup. Not even once. There have been a few times where I’ve gotten really paranoid thinking I had to be leaking and showing through my pants, but any time I’ve frantically made it to the bathroom to check, it’s always been fine. Occasionally when I pee while wearing the Diva Cup, a slight bit of red will show when I wipe, but I’ve always been fine to leave it in if I decide not to empty it at that time. Now mind you I don’t have a particularly heavy flow, but even with tampons I did still experience the occasional leak. Now I can’t promise you won’t leak wearing a Diva Cup. I have read a few stories online about women having major leakage issues with them, but it usually seems to be due to improper insertion and placement. There have been times where I’ve thought my Diva Cup was fully open, but upon double checking I’ll realize it isn’t. I can absolutely see how someone could mistakenly think it was open when it wasn’t, and if it isn’t fixed it could definitely cause leakage issues! Body Safe Material. Diva Cup’s are made of a high quality, 100% body safe medical grade silicone, free of- latex, plastics, BPA, colours and dyes. Tampons are full of toxic shit. “Conventional tampons have odor neutralizers, dyes, pesticides, and fragrances, which have an undisclosed mixture of chemicals that have been linked to endocrine disrupters, allergies, rashes, respiratory distress, cancer, birth defects, dryness, and infertility. They also contain GMOs, so if we are concerned about ingesting GMO foods, we should be equally concerned about inserting a GMO tampon—because the vaginal wall is so permeable, this allows toxins like pesticides and GMO proteins direct access to our bloodstream!” 1 Eco Friendly. The unsustainability of tampons is a pretty easy concept to grasp. Consider the life cycle of a tampon, from the production of the cotton(very water intensive) with the use of dioxins (a known carcinogen), chlorines, rayon, plus the herbicides and pesticides, to the low-density polyethylene plastics that wrap around the tampon that are made from oil, to the transportation, to resources used for packaging, to their disposal where they can wreak havoc on plumbing systems, to the effect they have in landfills where the plastics don’t break down easily(but when they do they leach their toxic ingredients into the soil). Try to visualize this in your mind but multiply it by the millions and millions of menstruating women using conventional tampons. Now I know that there are companies out there making organic and eco-friendlier tampons which really is admirable! And I haven’t looked into the environmental impacts from silicone production, but I would assume that a 100% silicone, toxin free, reusable product is going to be far more environmentally friendly and sustainable than the former. Comfortable. You know that gauging, throbbing pelvic pain you can get from a tilted tampon? My vagina has never experienced such discomfort with the Diva Cup! It’s virtually unnoticeable and I forget that I’m wearing it 95% of the time. I’ve also never noticed it to shift around like tampons can. I would assume this is because of the way the top, widest part of the cup is pushing out against the walls of your vagina, tightly securing it in place. If you do notice discomfort wearing it, check to make sure it’s fully opened! Sleep friendly. I have slept with it in every night during my period and have never had any leaks nor do I notice it or feel it while laying down. I always empty it before bed and when I wake up in the morning. It is recommended to empty it before bed, but there have been drunken occasions in the past where I’ve emptied it in the afternoon and have completely forgotten until the following morning, and I still had no overnight leakage issues. Although like I mentioned before, I don’t have a very heavy flow so that might play a role here. Swim friendly. It’s generally fine to swim with tampons in, but I always felt really paranoid when I did, worrying I’d leak or that the string would somehow be exposed out the side of my bathing suit. It’s perfectly fine to swim while wearing the Diva Cup and I find I’m much less paranoid than I was swimming with a tampon in. Work out friendly. I’ve done everything from long distance running to typical gym workouts to yoga while wearing the Diva Cup, without any leakage or movement issues, luck I did not have with Tampons. Travel friendly. It’s small, super lightweight, comes with a cute little carry bag, and is reusable – all great features for travelling. I actually first discovered the Diva Cup through a Travel Tips Youtube video I watched over 2 years ago before leaving on a trip to New Zealand. My Diva Cup travelled all over New Zealand, Thailand, and Vietnam with me for two years, making my period pretty darn stress free while travelling/backpacking! Never worry about “running out”. Running out of tampons was annoying. Asking people for tampons was annoying. The Diva Cup is reusable, so just make sure you don’t lose it.

The Not So Great

Since I’m new to reviewing I don’t want to give off the impression that I can’t be honestly critical enough of a product no matter how much I like it. But when it comes to the Diva Cup, it’s changed my periods in such a drastically great way that it’s hard not to offer up my soul without a second thought to the Diva Cup gods. I seriously love this thing so much. But, nothing is perfect. Not even, lest I say, the Diva Cup. Here’s why: Not the easiest to insert. In my experience, tampons are easier to insert. I won’t explain how it works here because the Diva Cup site does a good job & has visuals. It’s apparently supposed to be easy, but that hasn’t been the case for me. To clarify, insertion isn’t the hardest part- it’s getting the damn thing to open again once it’s in. 1/10 times it will effortlessly open right up (these moments are very special). Most of the time, the sides remain caved in and I have to fiddle with it, bent over with my fingers shoved up my vagina, squeezing, twisting, pushing, pulling, cursing… I basically do all these things until something works and I can get it to open. This process usually takes me a minute or two, sometimes longer, compared to the 5s it takes to insert a tampon or have the Diva Cup open flawlessly on first attempt. By the way, I find that I’ll know it’s fully open when I can grip the bottom and effortlessly rotate it 3600. Emptying/Cleaning in public bathrooms. Emptying the Diva Cup at home is easy, and private. You pull the Diva Cup out, pour out the collected fluids into the toilet, and then give it a good rinse in the sink to clean it up before reinserting it. But most of us aren’t going to sit at home for the entirety of our periods. We’ll be out and about and there will be times when you’ll need to empty your Diva Cup in a public bathroom. Obviously the emptying part is easy enough in the privacy of a stall, but what about cleaning it in the sink? Do you carry it out the stall, to the public sink, where you proceed to rinse off your bloody menstrual cup for someone to see? Well, there are Youtubers that I follow that claim to do just that! I personally prefer not to. I guess I’m just not comfortable enough yet to do that! So instead I use toilet paper to wipe off any remaining blood on and in the cup. This definitely doesn’t clean it properly, but it’s better than nothing and in my case preferable to washing it at a public sink. Pooping. To remove the Diva Cup, you push out with your pelvic muscles, basically in the same way that you would when you’re going #2. Ergo, if you have the Diva Cup inserted while going #2, it will be pushed slightly out/downward. I’ve found this to be a little uncomfortable, and I have to readjust and push the Diva Cup back upwards after. Often I end up just taking the Diva Cup out and emptying/cleaning it anytime I go #2. What about Toxic Shock Syndrome? TSS is a potentially fatal condition caused by the release of poisonous substances from bacterial overgrowth. Although it is rare, it is strongly linked to tampon use, with the risk increasing with the period of time the tampon is left in, as well as the absorbency of the tampon. Menstrual Cups do not leave you invulnerable to TSS and from what I can find online, there have been a small number of incidences relating menstrual cups to TSS. But with menstrual cup use still being significantly low in comparison to tampon use, it’s impossible at this time to study and compare the risk levels between the two. In my opinion, the Diva Cup is still the better choice. We can’t avoid the risk of TSS altogether because let’s face it, we’re not just going to free flow. Between menstrual cups and tampons, I’d rather choose the toxin free, body safe, eco friendly option that boasts innumerable other feats over its counterpart.

Final Thoughts

I have a seriously hard time not telling everyone I meet about this thing. It’s not perfect, but it’s revolutionary. The Diva Cup fucking rules. Not every part of the Diva Cup experience is smooth sailing, but this is basically negligible given how many benefits it boasts, especially when compared to the alternatives. The main difference I’ve noticed since using the Diva Cup is that I barely notice when I’m on my period. When I used tampons my periods felt like a nuisance, I was very conscious of being on my period, and really impatient for it to be over. For the first few months with the Diva Cup I would actually be bummed when my period was over because I was so enamoured with the product. I can’t guarantee you’ll love the Diva Cup because every body is different, but I can’t stress enough how appreciative I am for its existence, as is every fellow menstruator I’ve known in person to own one as well.

VERDICT

In one word:

Revolutionary.

Would I recommend it for fellow menstruators?

Absolutely. Highly Recommended.

Recommended alternatives:

None.

Head over to the Diva Cup website for more information!

1http://goop.com/are-tampons-toxic/ Thanks so much for taking the time to read my review! Please share any questions, comments, or personal experiences you may have regarding the Diva Cup!

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fbitennis · 7 years ago

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Popcorn Score

A couple of days ago I posted something about toy stats, encouraging fans to come up with some on their own. I can hardly ask someone else to do something without trying one myself.

As a reminder, here are the criteria I set for a good toy stat:

Be relatively easy to calculate, which means only addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, assuming use of a basic calculator (real or computer-based) with a memory function

Use stats that are readily available to anyone with an Internet connection

Be scaled so that someone seeing the toy stat will have a sense of how good, bad or average the measured performance is

Tell us something that we would not otherwise know using an already-existing stat

Bonus: Have a clever name that is descriptive and easy to promote

The purpose of the Popcorn Score is to potentially identify good matches to watch that you wouldn’t necessarily recognize on your own. Of course we don’t need a toy stat to tell us we should watch Roger play Rafa. But setting aside your personal favorites, sometimes it isn’t so obvious. Take this weekend’s grass semifinal matches, for example, in Antalya and Eastbourne respectively.

Here is Saturday’s lineup:

1. Monfils vs Mannarino

2. M. Zverev vs Kukushkin

3. Lacko vs. Cecchinato

4. Vesely vs. Dzumhur

There’s no Fed vs Roger in there. I put those in the order of my own personal preference, for subjective reasons. Monfils is entertaining and has a contrasting style with Mannarino. Zverev might serve and volley to make that match a little more interesting. Cecchinato is having a great summer, but is basically new to the grass. Not sure what might be appealing about the last match: Dzumhur is fast and might slide under the net?

Notice that none of my reasons are related to how well the players play tennis, or how close the match is expected to be. That doesn’t seem right.

Popcorn Score Concepts

Enter the Popcorn Score to quantify which matches maybe I should be watching that I otherwise wouldn’t. Maybe the Popcorn Score will show me a hidden gem, or more appropriately, a hidden kernel.

The Popcorn Score is focused on two concepts: (1) the quality of the players in the match and (2) how competitive the match ought to be. But we have to keep things relatively simple, to stay within my toy stat principles.

We could use the official rankings (readily available) to determine the quality component, but rankings frequently are not an accurate summation of how good a player is, particularly on a surface-specific basis. For more accurate portrayals, we have surface-specific ELO. That would violate the ease of calculation test, except that Tennis Abstract now publishes surface-specific ELO ratings for about 175 men and 175 women, so that makes them readily available.

Still, I don’t want to dismiss the rankings entirely, for two reasons: (1) there will be matches for which the ELO rankings of both players are not yet published and (2) the public is conditioned to thinking of rankings as the standard of quality, and we can’t have a toy stat that purports to identify the most watchable matches but ignores public perception.

The measure of competitiveness is a bit easier. You can use any forecast you want, whether its your own gut feel, a published forecast from your favorite website, or even just the derived forecast from the decimal odds published by your favorite bookmaker (but remember to take out the juice).

Calculating the Popcorn Score

So let’s get to the calculation. First I decided that the score ought to be half-defined by the quality of the players and half-defined by the competitiveness of the match. The weights could be different, of course, but 50/50 seems to work pretty well. However, since I’m using two measures for the quality of player (ranking and ELO), I need to have separate weights for that half of the equation. After experimenting a bit, I decided it works pretty well if player ranks count 15%, player ELO counts 35% and competitiveness counts 50%.

We’ve got to get those all on the same scale, though. Lower ranks should increase Popcorn Scores. Yet higher ELO ratings should produce higher Popcorn Scores. And bigger margins of forecasted win percentage should produce lower Popcorn Scores. So you can’t just add this stuff together.

Ultimately, I want to get a Popcorn Score on a scale of 0 - 100, with 0 being “I’d rather mow the lawn,” 50 being “maybe if I don’t have something else to do” and 100 being “I will not hear anything my wife says for the next two-point-five hours, and I will have a popcorn stomach ache this evening.”

It is possible to have a negative Popcorn Score, but I’d be shocked if that manifests in any main draw match. It’s also possible to exceed 100, which will happen occasionally, but that’s not something to worry about with a toy stat. In fact, it kind of makes it sexier.

The Ranking Portion (15%)

(150 - Average Rank of the two players)/150 * 100

Why average the ranks? Because watching a highly ranked opponent play a very low-ranked opponent does not make me want popcorn. If you believe watching a great player play a horrible player still is a popcorn match, then your version of this stat might say to use the highest ranked player in the match. That’s not my idea of popcorn, but I do sorta make an allowance for that situation at the very end.

Where did the 150s come from? The first 150 is a very round approximation of the back-end player ranks that will be subjected to the calculation (e.g., decent qualifiers at a Grand Slam). The second 150 represents the difference between the best player we could evaluate (#1) and the baseline player at #150, rounded up a bit.

I am confident the 150s should not be higher, as higher baselines and divisors overinflate the quality of the players in the Popcorn Score. The 150s may be too low, but in tinkering with it, it seemed to work best at 150, because any lower and you get too many negative scores.

And yes, you can get a negative score for this component. If #175 is playing #176, that’s a -17, as well it should be. If #90 plays #98, you get 37. Suppose we used 100 instead of 150 in the equation. The #175/#176 match is -75. The #90/#98 match is only a 6, and that’s before weighting it at 15%. I don’t think the player quality is that low.

The ELO Portion (35%)

(Average ELO of the two players - 1200)/800 *100

I’m averaging the two players’ surface-specific ELOs for the same reason I averaged the ranks.

I fiddled around with the 1200 number as the baseline. Intuitively it seems too low to me, because I don’t expect many players with an ELO of 1200 will be having a Popcorn Score calculated on them. I originally conceived this with 1300 as the baseline, but Jeff Sackman recently re-did his ELO formula at Tennis Abstract (to account for player absences), and all the ELO scores dropped, so I dropped my baseline to 1200 to account for that.

Why not raise it so it makes intuitive sense? There is a lot of ELO clustering in the 1500s. The ATP/WTA rankings are linear, but ELO ratings are not. So if you raise the 1200 baseline to 1400, for example, you have a ton of matches between decent players that are treated as having very low quality players for the Popcorn Score, and that violates my sense of justice.

The 1100 divisor is the spread between the baseline of 1200 and the best players that will be in the equation with ELOs around 2300. The greatest players have occasional peaks above 2300, but that’s not going to happen often. (As an aside, my own Popcorn Calculations use a baseline of 1300 and a divisor of 1000, because my own ELO Ratings are higher in the middle than TA’s, although it doesn’t make much practical difference in the forecasting context.

One more note about the ELO component. If you don’t have a reliable (and by that, I mean surface-specific) ELO score for a player, then you should learn to calculate it yourself. I’m kidding. In that instance, just weight the ranking portion at 50% instead of 15%, and ignore the ELO portion.

The Competitiveness Portion (50%)

(.99 - Difference between the two players expected win percentage)/.99 *100

This one’s a lot easier, because no one is going to have a 100% or 0% win percentage. And, the narrower the difference between their forecasted win percentage, the more competitive the match is expected to be.

Putting it all together

We have the three components, so let’s put them all together. Note that I multiplied each component by 100 so that we wouldn’t have any numbers below 1 when doing the individual components, but since we are adding this stuff together, we can just add the three components and multiply by 100 at the end. So we’ve got:

Step One: (150-Avg Rank)/150 * .15, plus

Step Two: (Avg ELO - 1200)/800 * .35, plus

Step Three: (.99 - Difference in expected win percentage)/.99 * .50

Step Four: Multiply the sum by 100 to get it on the 0-100 scale.

Examples

Let’s do each of the Antalya and Eastbourne semifinals. For this I’ll use Tennis Abstract’s version of Grass ELO, and the implied odds from the average decimal odds listed on Oddsportal.com, with the juice extracted. (No one drinks juice with popcorn, do they?)

These are listed in the same order I originally ranked them.

Well maybe I picked a bad week to do this, because they are all kind of the same, and none have super high Popcorn Scores. But that’s not surprising...look at the lineup. The Popcorn Score isn’t going to turn Lacko vs. Cecchinato into a 100. What they all having going for them is that they are reasonably competitive, and what works against them is that there are no stars, although Monfils has some separate entertainment appeal. (Note: The calculations above used a divisor of 1100 on the ELO portion, which I have since dropped to 800 if you use TA’s ELO ratings).

In any event, maybe I should be more interested in the Vesely-Dzumhur match than I originally was. It features the highest ranked player of the four matches and is forecast to be the most competitive. And apparently I overestimated Zverev-Kukushkin.

Wait, this Popcorn needs some spice

In running this formula on various random combos of players, I noticed all sorts of situations where I had minor disagreements between my subjective idea of popcorn matches and the Popcorn Score. That’s okay, this isn’t science, and data isn’t going to fully account for the appeal of Gael Monfils.

BUT, in some instances, the differences really bothered me, and those had something in common: The match had one superstar, but the Popcorn Score was dragged down too far by a weak opponent. Think of it this way: At some level, a match with Federer, Nadal or Serena always has appeal, even if the opponent is terrible. It doesn’t usually hold all the way through the match, and I don’t think they automatically should get Popcorn Scores of 100 just because of who they are and regardless of opponent, but I do think that certain players should have enough weight to carry a poor opponent to a somewhat higher Popcorn Score.

Yet it won’t work to say “if Federer is playing, boost the Popcorn Score by X amount.” Otherwise you have to constantly change your list of who gets a boost, and that’s too narrowly tailored.

Initially, I decided that if a match has one player ranked #5 or better, you add 15 points to the Popcorn Score (15 points to Hufflepuff. Y’know, Popcorn. Puff. Get it?) You do NOT add that bonus if both of the players in the match are Top 5 or better, because the Popcorn Score already accounts for the high quality of that match.

Nadal and Fed clearly qualify. Sascha Zverev probably should. Del Potro and Cilic are harder sells, but whatever. On the women’s side you’ve got a nice Top 5 group that I’m comfortable with, but Serena matches don’t currently get a bonus, so that seems weird. There are other situations where the Popcorn Score is off because of player layoffs, etc. (e.g., last week’s Murray-Wawrinka got a low Popcorn Score).

Update: Jeff Sackman from Tennis Abstract sent me the idea of basing the bonus on peak rank, not current rank, so that you can pick up the appeal of someone like Serena or Murray. He also suggested scaling the bonuses, for higher peaks, which nicely differentiates between the star power of a #1 (or former #1) vs the “star” power of #5 (or former #5).

Jeff’s suggestion was to take 6 minus the peak ranking (treat negative numbers as zero), raised to the power of 3, and then scale it appropriately. I did that, and took the natural log of the results for purposes of scaling it to a top bonus of 20 points for peak #1s. (I’m not going to pretend to know what the natural log of anything is, but I know you can sometimes use it for scaling so I tried it). As it turns out, when you do that, you can get pretty close to the same result by taking 6 minus the peak ranking, and multiplying it by 4.

So, a peak #1 would get a 20 point bonus, a peak #2 would get a 16 point bonus, and so on down to 4 points for a peak #5. The log numbers would have been 19, 17, 13, 8 and 0. I’d be fine with this scale and with a 0 for a peak #5 actually, but using logs doesn’t fit with the simplicity principle in the toy stat rules, and maybe using exponents doesn’t either. The exponent is just multiplication, which fits our rule, but it seems scarier to some people, and while a very basic calculator probably has x^2, it may not let you choose a different exponent. Plus, you don’t really need to remember the 6 minus peak times 4 rule...you can just do 20 points for peak #1 and work your way down to 4 points for peak #5s in a linear fashion.

I kind of like not giving a bonus for peak #5s, but let’s see who that involves. I tried 50 searches for male players who might have peaked at #5, and had zero hits (who knew Grosjean peaked at #4?). Try it, it’s harder than you think. On the women’s side, I got to Ostapenko in five tries, and she deserves a 4 point bonus, so I’m leaving the #5 bonus in there.

There still will be anomalies with the scaled bonus structure, of course. As Jeff pointed out, Zvonareva would get a good-sized bonus (16 points in my formulation), which is probably okay for the first comeback match at Wimbledon based purely on curiousity, but will oversell her future matches. There are ways to address that (e.g., only take peak ranking in the last X years), but I don’t want to over-complicate it.

Because of this update, you will apply the bonus calculation to the highest peak between the two players, rather than applying it only if one player was Top 5. So, if Federer (peak #1) plays Nishikori (peak #4), it’s a 20 point bonus.

#Tennis #Toy Stats #ATP Tennis #wta tennis

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