#so are we talking summer vacation or like post hs

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] Victor’s HS SSR Story: Carefree Years (Eng Translation)

⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a story, 岁月无忧, that is yet to be released on the global server! ♡

Do remember to read the event stories beforehand for further info and understanding: ♡ || ♡ || ♡ || ♡ || ♡ || ♡ || ♡

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【Subbed Video】

Work in progress, will add the link once it’s uploaded :>

【Transcript Version】

[Notes]: The story is told from young Victor’s perspective + includes the narrator’s POV towards the end sporadically~ 💕

—

【Chapter 1】

It’s early autumn, and Loveland City hasn’t yet shaken off the lingering summer heat. The breeze, still carrying the residual heat, slips through the cracks of the windows into the dormitory, dispelling the slight chill. 

The hour hand of the alarm clock by the bedside is about to point to six. I roll out of bed, pick up my toiletry bag, and turn around, heading for the door. 

—

Once I’m done freshening up, I plan to go to the cafeteria for breakfast before heading to the classroom to drop off my backpack. 

Considering the time required for submitting summer vacation assignments, preparing for the first class, and accounting for any unforeseen circumstances… 

I should have enough time before I need to be at the playground at 7:30 to confirm the final proceedings with the emcee of the flag-raising ceremony. 

??: Morning, Bro Vic~ 

A slurred voice sounds from the side just as I wipe the water off my face, and then that familiar face comes into view. 

With his mouth full of toothpaste foam, Zheng Xi tilts his head back and makes gurgling sounds as he rinses his mouth. His hair is so disheveled that it could hide a couple of eggs within. 

Victor: Morning.

Victor: It’s rare to see you not stepping on the dot. 

Zheng Xi: New semester, fresh start. Besides, we can’t lose face to our seniors. Must follow the examples of Bro Vic! 

Victor: Don’t make things harder for yourself, and don’t end up straining your neck when the time comes. 

Zheng Xi: …cracking cold jokes on such a hot day. I must thank you for it. 

As he speaks, he haphazardly wipes his face a few times and then carelessly tosses the toothbrush into the washbasin. 

— 

The corridor has become much livelier when I walk out of the dorm room again after changing into the school uniform and hanging my backpack over my shoulders. 

Accompanied by the sound of flowing water, the jingling and clattering sounds reverberate through the corridor in the early morning. The doors of different dorm rooms swing open and then close, as if orchestrating a concerto unique to high school life. 

Walking beside me, Zheng Xi suddenly begins to talk. 

Zheng Xi: You haven’t said hello to our new roommates yet, have you? One of them was in Section 6, and the other was in Section 9. 

Victor: Oh, didn’t we have a quick encounter earlier? 

Zheng Xi: Saying hello means introducing yourself, not just exchanging a brief glance and nodding, okay? 

…it seems like one summer break isn’t enough for someone with a young-at-heart mentality to have much growth. 

Victor: If only you could channel this meticulous attention to every wording in your reading comprehension, “Empress Dowager Hu” wouldn’t call on you to answer questions every class. 

Zheng Xi: Don’t jinx me! Also, my mom practically had detained me these past two months to catch up on Chinese. Who knows, I might have improved by leaps and bounds. 

Zheng Xi: Speaking of which, why would teachers like “Empress Dowager Hu” who receives awards yearly, teach liberal arts classes? Oh well, damn lucky Wu Xing! 

Victor: Well, that’s not necessarily the case. 

Victor: I’m afraid pulling up the Chinese language grades for a student like you who is biased towards specific subjects is more about showcasing your skills. 

As expected, the wails of anguish resound. I shake my head helplessly, finding myself already somewhat accustomed to this. 

I just can’t wrap my head around how this guy who’s been getting nearly perfect scores in math since the first year of high school can be so one-track-minded in other subjects. 

— 

As we walk into Section 1 of the first year, I find that quite a few students have already arrived. Among them are both familiar and unfamiliar faces. 

Some are in groups, chatting about their summer vacation experiences, while others sit alone at their desks, organizing their textbooks. 

I cast a brief glance at the seating chart on the blackboard and quickly find my name. 

Surprisingly, it’s the same seat as before. That’s actually good. 

Just as I’m about to lift my foot, I notice the person next to me is still squinting while trying to find his name. 

Victor: You can stop searching; you’re in the first row. 

Zheng Xi: … 

After setting down my backpack, I find that inside the desk, there’s a carton of milk, its outer packaging still oozing moisture from the condensation.

Whose is this? And why is it placed here? 

Before I can even inquire, my arm is poked with a pen cap. 

I tilt my head and see a boy I’m not that familiar with pointing at the milk carton in my hand. 

Boy: Um… I put it there. Don’t take it the wrong way–– I’m just helping someone out. I’m delivering it for a girl who used to be in my former Section 6. 

Zheng Xi: Whoa–– it’s been ages since I’ve seen a scene like this. I almost feel like I’ve traveled back to our first year. 

Zheng Xi walks over to poke his nose in as he hears the noise, wearing a gossipy look. 

Zheng Xi: I know many folks from Section 6. Who is this brave soul? Spill the beans. 

Boy: Uh, she specifically told me not to disclose her identity… 

Zheng Xi: F*ck! Quite smart to keep her identity under wraps. It’s a shame, though, cause she’s also fallen into the pit. How come she hasn’t heard about our Bro Vic’s wide reputation for being strictly incorruptible and not getting anywhere near girls? 

He lowers his voice as he speaks, feigning a sense of mystery. 

Zheng Xi: Besides, there’s a name this guy keeps murmuring about in his dreams all the time…

Victor: Was your summer vacation too boring since you had to keep these words pent up for two whole months? 

Victor: Here, drink this to moisten your throat. 

Victor: So you don’t get stuck while trying to recite Classical Chinese in the first class. 

– 

I toss the milk to him, grab the speech notes, and stand up to walk out of the classroom. Sure enough, a wave of cries akin to “wailing ghosts and howling wolves” follow from behind.

Zheng Xi: See– see! Such foul temper and unapproachable look on his face! I bet it won’t be long before everyone who wants to give him a gift will be scared away! 

It’d be the best outcome– ideal to avoid any complications. 

– 

I stride down the stairs with big steps, until the refreshing air fills my nostrils. 

Victor: [murmuring to himself]  …how could I possibly sleep-talk in my dreams, [sounds as if he’s telling himself–]  idiot. 

Thinking about Zheng Xi’s incessant chatter leaves me speechless. Even though they all unanimously claim that I do mention that name in my sleep, I remain skeptical. 

While searching for information about the orphanage incident, it's highly likely that I came across the compiled data from the past few years. 

Inhaling a deep breath, I continue walking toward the playground. 

To be honest, I’m not oblivious to the significance of those gifts and the feelings that can blossom at this age. It’s just that, personally, I don’t find them as something necessary. 

Time has always been best spent on more important endeavors, whether achieving short-term goals or paving the path for long-term plans. From this point on, it’s crucial to be adequately prepared. 

Anything unrelated to these matters is just a waste of time. 

I take another turn, and sunlight filters through the greenery, casting vibrant patches on the plastic athletic track, creating a colorful dance. 

It’s 7:10 sharp, right on the dot. 

— 

[Tidbits]: For those who are unaware, all the dream-talk is a reference to Victor’s R&S “Six out of Seventeen,” (find the translation here by @/cheri-translates), which touched upon the extent of his long and strenuous search for MC— including the little crumbs as how he’d call a girl’s name in his sleep and his roommates would tease him about it– which we got to see a bit here as well. I do VERY HIGHLY recommend reading all the canceled R&S for yourself because if you haven’t, you have NO IDEA what you’re missing out on! ༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽ 

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【Chapter 2】

Victor: Teacher. Reporting! 

The people in the office glance up at my voice, the rapid movement of their pens coming to a pause. Teacher Hu adjusts the wire-framed glasses on the bridge of her nose, displaying a composed smile. 

Teacher Hu: Come in, Vic.

Teacher Hu: Here— the mock Chinese exam papers for our section. Take them and hand them out. I’ll discuss them during the class later. 

As she speaks, she taps the stack of test papers on her left with the tip of her pen, then retrieves a laminated file from the drawer. 

Teacher Hu: In here, you’ll find the scores and class-grade rankings for each subject this time. Help me attach them to each student’s respective test papers one by one. 

Teacher Hu: We have an eye exercise break during this class, right? You can stay here and get everything organized before going back. Here, the paperclips. 

Victor: Roger. 

Once Teacher Hu finishes speaking, she resumes grading the papers with her head lowered. It seems … she is grading the Classical Chinese reading exercises from yesterday evening’s self-study session? The moment this thought springs to mind, I quickly glance over. 

Luckily, I answered that set of questions quite smoothly yesterday. 

Thinking this way, my fingertips subconsciously relax as I untie the knot. As expected, the report cards are sorted by student ID. 

Just as I’m about to begin flipping through them from the back, Teacher Hu’s voice sounds right on cue. 

Teacher Hu: Vic, you did quite well in the exam this time, but there is still room for improvement. Your math teacher, Mr. Gao, also asked me to commend you properly. 

Victor: …thank you, Teacher. 

Teacher Hu: Zheng Xi-- that kid has also made some progress. It looks like he’s finally catching on. 

Victor: I’ll relay the message on your behalf and tell him to keep making persistent efforts. 

Soon, I spot my own name among the array of report cards. 

Chinese 132, Math 140, English 125, Physics… 

Victor: [sighing LONG and HARD in disappointment] … 

My gaze at once shifts towards the ranking listed at the bottom of the paper. 

Section Ranking: 4th, Grade Ranking: 13th. 

My heart, which has inexplicably leaped into the air, temporarily settles back into its original place. I continue with the sorting, but my thoughts involuntarily begin to decelerate. 

Thankfully, I’ve performed decently in the physics and chemistry exams, and my ranking is still within the range I had set for myself. 

However, my English score is unexpectedly almost 10 points lower than my estimated score. So, where did things go wrong? 

The classroom bell chimes, and the music for eye exercises flows through the air. I’m unable to come up with an answer, so I just subconsciously speed up my movements. 

Teacher Hu: Xiao Luo turned in the participant list for the Autumn Sports Festival yesterday. I noticed you signed up for the friendly soccer match? 

Victor: Yes. There aren’t many students in our section who play soccer, and I’m somewhat familiar with the basic rules and regulations of the game, so I thought I’d participate to make up the numbers. 

Teacher Hu: That's great; participating in this kind of activity is a good thing. It's important not to focus solely on academics; diverting some of one’s attention to meaningful activities like this can also contribute to their self-development. 

Teacher Hu: Don’t you think so, too? 

I nod in agreement, vaguely sensing that Teacher Hu’s words seem to carry an implicit meaning. After picking up the file bag and exam papers, I slightly bow in her direction. 

Victor: Teacher Hu, I’ll take my leave now. 

Teacher Hu: Sure… ah, Vic, there’s something else I wanted to ask you. 

Teacher Hu: Wu Xing from your former section, is it true that he is dating the academic representative from section 3? 

Victor: Is it? I’m not too sure about that. 

Teacher Hu: Weren’t you two dormitory roommates? 

Victor: Yes, but that was last semester. Since this semester began, I haven’t really seen him much. 

Victor: Regarding your question, the response would be more accurate if he answered it himself. Would you like me to summon him for you? 

Teacher Hu: Hahaha, no need for that. 

Teacher Hu: Those friends of yours who hang out with you should learn to take a page from your book and invest their time and energy in more meaningful pursuits. 

Teacher Hu: Alright, you should head back now. 

– 

Following my parting with Teacher Hu, I walk in large strides toward the academic building— a melodious tune wafts through the campus, melding with the breeze. 

I’m afraid “Master Hu,” asked that question, likely because Wu Xing’s results in the mock exam didn’t meet expectations. 

Admittedly, I “did not disclose the information I knew” earlier, but to be fair, I indeed haven’t seen him around much at all, not only during this semester but throughout the entire summer vacation. 

Rarely, when we finally managed to schedule a long-overdue soccer match during our free time from makeup classes, this guy who prioritizes his date before friendship flaked out on me. 

Victor: [scoffing, BUT BAOBEI YOU’RE GONNA DO THE VERY SAME THING 10+ YEARS LATER 🤣]  How childish. 

– 

I’m not sure if it’s a coincidence or one of those cases where “if your heart ponders something, there will be some sort of corresponding response,” but this “ex-roommate” of mine, whom I haven’t seen around much, shows up out of the blue right after taking his name, for the first time in ages. 

Wu Xing: Sir Vic— VIC— TOR— 

A sneaky voice suddenly drifts from the classroom’s back door during the lunch break. Wu Xing cautiously waves his hand, approaching the unfamiliar classroom with a hint of nervousness. 

Feeling a bit resigned, I walk over and offhandedly close the classroom door behind me. 

Victor: Doesn’t your section have you guys work on test papers during lunch break? 

Wu Xing: Does your section still have you guys work on test papers during lunch break? 

Our questions sound in unison, inexplicably making me laugh, but then I quickly refocus on the matter at hand. 

Victor: You need me for something? 

Wu Xing: For something big. Is Lao Zheng not around? 

Victor: I haven’t seen him. 

He asks as he peers into the classroom through the rear window a couple more times before finally speaking solemnly, as if it truly is something of utmost urgency. 

Wu Xing: Well, let’s go then. Time is of the essence. 

– 

I could have never imagined that the “something big” he was talking about was actually buying snacks from the convenience store outside the school gate. 

The aged iron gate, entwined with crawling vines, has a mottled appearance. Even though the lock is dangling loosely, it offers a firm barrier. The air carries a subtle scent of iron rust and the dampness common to the equipment room. 

The hand clutching the paper money reaches through the gap between the railings, and when it is withdrawn, it holds an assortment of snacks in various packaging bags. 

I hardly ever come to this place, and the handful of times I have been are all thanks to my dormitory roommates. 

Victor: So, this is what you referred to as “something big?” I’m out of here. 

Wu Xing: Ack, Sir Vic, don’t! Don’t roll the dice yet. The “iron rooster” is on patrol duty today. If he catches us, it’ll be bad news. At the very least, we’d probably have to sweep the playground for a whole month! 

Victor: And you’re still going to “commit the crime in broad daylight?” 

Wu Xing: [dramatically]  I have reasons for which I must take this risk. 

Victor: …if it weren’t for your talking nonsense, everything would’ve already been bought. 

As if finally remembering his purpose, Wu Xing briskly rushes toward the iron gate and calls out to the convenience store owner while cupping his throat. 

On his way back, he is busy hiding two large packs of “Meow Meow Snow Cookies” in his school uniform jacket. 

He nonchalantly tears open one of the packs while walking over, and then he stuffs two pieces of snow cookies into my hand without any explanation. 

Victor: No need, keep them for yourself to snack on later. 

Wu Xing: No, no, it’s all thanks to you that I could carry out this daunting mission smoothly. Thank you, my greatest ex-roommate, my former class monitor, my… 

Victor: [sighs helplessly]  …shut up. 

– 

Not wanting to waste more time, I off-handedly stash the two snow cookies into my pocket and motion for him to hurry up. He continues walking alongside me, matching my strides, until we reach the academic building. 

The grating noise created by the plastic rubbing against something makes me furrow my brows, and I can’t help but offer a warning. 

Victor: Your classroom is at that end of the corridor. 

Wu Xing: I’ll go to section 3 first. 

Victor: … 

Wu Xing: LuLu didn’t do well in the mock exam. I think she cried. Her eyes were red when I saw her at the cafeteria during lunch. 

Wu Xing: Although she hasn’t mentioned anything, I’m afraid she might think our relationship is interfering with… 

Wu Xing: I don’t know how to make her happy; I can only think of buying her the Meow Meow Snow Cookies she loves. Bro, say, girls would usually feel happy when they eat something they like, right? 

Victor: [softly]  …I think you might be the one who would be even happier. 

— 

[Tidbits]: kept the notes for last so as not to break the flow— 

✦ uhh they have so many nicknames, ofc it’s expected and relatable LMAO, but GODS THEY ARE a PAIN TO TRANSLATE HHH. Victor addressed Teacher Hu as “胡师太” which I translated as “Master Hu.” In Chinese, it’s essentially another sarcastic play on the other nickname they have for their homeroom teacher, “Empress Dowager Hu,” the message behind which is self-explanatory LOL. 

✦ “Prioritizing date before friendship” – the phrase here was 重色轻友, which in more causal English terms would be “hoes before bros,” haha. 

✦ “Iron Rooster” – here, I did the literal translation of “铁公鸡” to retain the sarcastic effect. It in simpler terms refers to someone being a cheapskate or miserly. 

✦ “Meow Meow snow cookies” (喵喵雪饼) – as the name suggests, they are similar to your usual snow cookies, only cat-shaped and much cuter LOL. 

�� Victor’s final line about you being happier than the person receiving the gift— yes, as you might’ve already presumed, it’s the 2nd reference to MC in this story, and also a theme that runs through Victor’s contents pretty often— when they’re happy because of you, the cheery smile on the person’s face apparently brings you more joy than the person themselves. 

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【Chapter 3】

Xiao Luo: Victor, how about we play some soccer later? Maybe you could show some of your footwork to the team? 

Despite seeing the expectant look on his face, I still shake my head. 

Victor: Sorry, but today won’t be possible. I can return to the dorm on Sunday morning and have the entire time afterward for practicing. 

Victor: I’ll compile the fundamental tactics and rules later tonight and send them to you on QQ. As for my footwork… I’m an amateur, so the most I can do is share some of my experiences during the actual training session. 

Xiao Luo: Sure thing! Just give me a knock tonight! 

– 

As I walk out of the school gate, the last rays of the setting sun cast a soft, crimson halo over the bustling streets. 

The charm of Friday lies precisely in this, rendering even the usually ordinary sunset into something particularly romantic. 

Soon, the No. 923 bus arrives, and after the crowd has boarded, I stand close to the handrail and shift my backpack to the front. 

The bus isn’t overly crowded at this hour, which makes it easier to fetch one’s belongings without causing any inconvenience to other passengers. 

– 

With this thought in mind, I grip the handrail with one hand while my other hand reaches into the front compartment of my schoolbag to retrieve the vocabulary notebook. With my fingertips, I flip through the pages one by one. 

A few points I lost this time were in vocabulary and grammar. It looks like I need to consolidate my understanding of these error-prone areas much more. 

I concentrate on each letter in the notebook, quietly repeating every word three times in my mind before turning to the next page. 

For a moment, the clamors surrounding me seem to grow muffled. I feel as if I’m isolated in a space of my own, able to hear only the voice of my mind crystal clear. 

Even the passage of time seems to slow down. 

The window’s shadow on the edge of my vision is rendered a hazy tint, slowly receding, but it also sharpens the clarity of the words in front of me. 

Although these words aren’t my first language, as long as I grasp the arteries and veins that connect the word roots and affixes, the rest is simply a process of putting them together and restructuring them. 

The patterns that dictate how the world operates also follow this principle. 

Firstly, one needs to understand the distinct characteristics of different things, then find their respective gaps–– and finally connect them, akin to joining mortise and tenon. 

This way, the correct answer is plainly evident. 

The sky outside the window has gradually begun to darken. I weave through the crowd to the back of the vehicle and take a quick look at my wristwatch. 

The hour hand ticks down one notch, and the time is about the same as what I had in mind. I should still be able to make it to Dawn Market before it closes for the day even if I hit traffic. 

Auntie Zhang usually doesn’t close her stall this early. I’m just not sure if I’ll be able to get any of the fruits Dad loves. 

I subconsciously look at the condition of the road ahead, feeling a slight hint of impatience creeping in. 

Victor: Yes, I can still make it in time. 

– 

By the time I arrive home, it’s slightly past 7 o’clock. 

Swiftly, I put down my schoolbag and change my clothes. I then step into the kitchen, don an apron, put the clams in a bowl to let them soak, and simultaneously begin cleaning the scallops. 

Just as I’m serving the garlic-steamed scallops on the table, I hear the door lock turning in the porch. 

Victor: Dad, you’re back. 

Papa Li: The flight got delayed, so it took longer than expected. Ah, you must be starving, aren’t you? 

Victor: I’m fine. You go and take a rest for a while. I’ll call you when the meal is ready. 

After saying this, I wipe my hands dry and pick up his suitcase propped against the doorway, placing it in the study. When I return to the living room, my father has already rolled up his sleeves and is standing by the dining table. 

Papa Li: I was wondering why the entire house was filled with the aroma of food as soon as I walked in the door. It turns out that our master chef has once again prepared a grand feast. 

Victor: It’s not that over-the-top, just regular home-cooked dishes, that’s all.  Victor: But I do have the clam stew and garlic butter scallops that you love. 

Papa Li: Well, it sounds like I must be in for a treat. 

Papa Li: What are you still stir-frying in your pan? Here, let Dad exhibit some tricks for you. 

My father seems to be in a good mood. It’s probably because the work on his business trip has been exceptionally successful. Although doing things myself would be more efficient, I naturally can’t dampen his spirits. 

I smile and lend him a hand. 

Papa Li: How’s school been going recently? Are you settling into your new class well? 

Victor: It’s going pretty well. We got our mock exam scores and class rankings today, and overall, they’re within the range I expected, except for some mistakes I made in English. 

Victor: I’ll show you my report card after we’re done with dinner. 

Papa Li: I’ve always been confident in your academic performance. What about things outside your studies? Have you been busy with student council duties recently? 

Victor: Hm, we are gearing up to organize the Autumn Sports Festival soon, and lately, I’ve been exploring potential sponsors among educational organizations and bookstores that have shown interest. 

Seeing that he hasn’t shifted his gaze, I contemplate for a moment and add. 

Victor: In my free time, I’ll be playing soccer with the others. I’ve signed up for the soccer tournament in the sports festival. 

Sure enough, my father appears visibly happier upon hearing this and even teases me a little. 

Papa Li: Such opportunities don’t come by often, so you’ve to make sure to give it your best! But son, you haven’t played as much soccer as you used to since you’ve grown up. Are you sure your skills are still sharp? 

Victor: How about personally inspecting my skills tomorrow morning? 

Papa Li: Hahaha, are you “throwing down the gauntlet” to me? Alright, alright, no problem, let’s have a friendly showdown. 

Before we know it, the family dinner wraps up amidst an atmosphere steeped in laughter, something we haven’t done in a long time. 

It’s almost ten o’clock by the time I finish my homework, and I notice that the light in my father’s study is still on. After hesitating for a moment, I go back to my room, pick up the notebook from my desk, and knock on the door of his study. 

– 

Papa Li: Vic? Why are you still up? 

Victor: I’ve got a few questions that I’m having a bit of trouble understanding. 

I flip my notebook to the most recent page and place it in front of my father, briefly giving him a summary of the few stocks that I’ve been researching these days. 

My father comprehends the situation and begins circling things in the notebook, gradually clarifying the puzzles that have been plaguing my mind. 

Seeing that I haven’t said anything in a while, my father gently taps on the table with his pen. 

Papa Li: Is there a part you didn’t understand? 

Victor: No, it’s not that. I’m just glad that I’m in a simulated investment scenario where there’s room for trial and error. 

Papa Li: Real business transactions can also withstand trial and error. Son, there’s no one or no circumstance that can bring overnight success. 

I understand what my father is saying, but it’s precisely because I understand these principles that my resolve to achieve my goals becomes even more steadfast. 

It’s also because I have experienced that feeling of powerlessness, where I was helpless to find a way out, that my conviction has been more solidified— I must advance at a faster pace. 

Victor: I’ve got it. Thanks, Dad. You should get an early night. 

Papa Li: But judging by your achievements of the past few years… 

As if he has suddenly remembered something, my father takes out a somewhat aged notebook from a drawer. 

Inside the notebook, there are meticulous records of the maintenance cost I’ve earned every year for Vic Vic through simulated investments, starting from my junior high school days. 

Papa Li: It looks like you’ll get there earlier than you had planned. 

Victor: My goal is to round off the remaining amount in the next three years. 

Victor: I was quite conservative in my calculations back then, but now I’m confident. 

– 

In the blink of an eye, the preparation phase for the Autumn Sports Festival is in full swing. Adhering to the “first-come, first-served” principle, there’s a constant rush of people in the venues and equipment storage areas. 

It appears that this enthusiasm has got the entire school’s faculty and students immersed, as evident in the ongoing internal meeting of the student council. 

I close the proposal document in front of me and turn my gaze to the head of the sports department who has been talking confidently since the beginning of the meeting, putting forth all kinds of budget-busting ideas. 

If memory serves, he only joined the student council this year. While it’s understandable to have such drive when taking on a major responsibility as this for the first time, it’s not surprising that his ideas are so impractical. 

Victor: We are organizing a sports event for the school, not the Loveland City Youth Sports Meet. 

Victor: Before asking me if I can secure such a large budget, shouldn’t we first consider the already existing conditions? 

Victor: Even if we manage to lock in sponsorships smoothly, I’m afraid we don’t have sufficient space and workforce to sustain it. 

Head of Sports Department: But I’ve discussed this issue with Xiao Sun from your External Affairs Department beforehand, and the proposal he’s handed in today is actually twice as substantial as what he initially suggested. 

Victor: That’s the very reason why having this meeting today was essential, isn’t it? 

Victor: To prevent the possibility of others misinterpreting due to the spread of incomplete information inappropriately. 

The other party doesn’t seem to have anticipated that I would respond this way, rendering him silent for a moment before he speaks again. 

Head of Sports Department: Doesn’t the External Affairs Department need to hold another meeting to discuss this? Or is Student Council President Victor implying that we don’t have any room for further discussion? 

Victor: First and foremost, whether the External Affairs Department needs to deliberate on the conclusions drawn from today’s general meeting, I will make that assessment. 

Victor: Secondly, “we” are not the ones who get to negotiate this. Because this matter has never been about any of us individually, from the outset to the conclusion. 

Head of Sports Department: [sarcastic laugh]  Heh, I’ve heard rumors that the External Affairs Department is managed by an autocratic approach, and today I finally got the chance to witness it first-hand. 

…I can hardly believe someone would make such an elementary-school-student-style remark in this situation. 

Victor: If labeling me with a derogatory term as “autocratic” can make things seem more reasonable, then I don’t find any objection to your remark. 

Head of Sports Department: … 

Victor: I apologize for taking up everyone’s time. The Executive Committee and the Secretariat, please inform me as soon as you have made your decisions, and I will make further improvements to the proposal. 

After finishing my words, I pick up the folder and turn around to exit the conference room. 

— 

[Tidbits]: 

✦ regarding the “arteries and veins” (脉络) and “mortise and tenon” (榫卯) parts— I decided to do their literal translations despite initially going for metaphorical terms, to show you guys the way Li Zeyan writers think + how they wanted you to grasp just how immersed he was and how passionate he is in general about learning that he is subconsciously relating things like this. 

✦ Dawn Market and Auntie Zhang are references to his S2 Company Project, where we met this old lady and learned the precious story of how Victor would visit the market with his dad when he was a kid. I don’t remember her name on the EN server LOL, so used the original one as it was. 

✦ The stock research, simulated investment, and paying for Vic Vic’s (the panda Yan Yan) upkeep fees – these are all references to Victor’s 4th birthday story, where after learning that the panda’s adoption fee had to be paid on yearly installments, 15-year-old Victor decided to put his knowledge about simulated investment to action and use the profits from investments to pay the panda’s upkeep fees. And sure enough, his investments were successful, and at the time he had told his dad that he’d be able to pay his dad all the adoption fees back over the years by the time he was 25. But as we saw in this story, in 2nd year of his senior high school, he had cut that time down to only 3 years, and he did not need those years in full either~ :’) 

✦ And as for using the “Papa Li” term of address instead of “Victor’s Dad”–– it was a force of habit LOL + I wanted to retain the personalized feelings here haha (,,>ࡇ<,,)

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 4】

As the other person reiterates his “refusal” attitude once again, I take a deep breath and reach out to loosen my tie. 

The sunlight at high noon is somewhat glaring. After stuffing the proposal into my backpack, I walk mechanically towards the subway station. 

I still have more than enough time before the cram classes, and this morning has gone well as I successfully negotiated for most of the sponsorship according to the plan. 

Apart from… 

I can’t help but sigh, kneading my throbbing forehead. 

Perhaps because it’s the weekend, as I pass by the park, I hear the animated sounds of laughter and cheerful voices. 

It’s as if I’ve caught the contagious effect of that simple joy, I subconsciously change my path and sit down on a bench nearby. 

All of a sudden, I loosen up a tad and my mind involuntarily begins thinking back to the wall I’ve hit just earlier. 

— 

───── [FLASHBACK BEGINS] ─────

Victor: Mr. Yu, the significance school sports day holds in high school activities is quite evident, whether in terms of its overall scale or the level of importance placed on it by both teachers and students. 

Victor: And with the level of publicity in an event such as this, it’s without a doubt that it can boost your campus market share, while simultaneously deepening the profile of your company. 

Victor: In my opinion, this collaborative effort is one that demands minimal investment but yields rapid returns. 

Victor: Please take a look at our proposal, and if you have any questions, we can discuss them right away. 

The man in the impeccably dressed suit and shoes in front of me remains completely silent, waiting patiently until I finish speaking. Then he sits up straight on the couch, courteously accepts the folder from me, and places it directly onto the table. 

Mr. Yu: Your arguments are very sound, but there’s no need for us to invest in the school. 

Victor: Do you have any concerns, or are there any aspects of the proposal that you currently find unsatisfactory? 

Mr. Yu: Hahaha, Victor, you seem to have missed the point of what I meant. 

Mr. Yu: As a matter of fact, your proposal is already very well-rounded. To be honest with you, among all the proposals I always receive, many from adults don’t even measure up to yours. 

Mr. Yu: But you must know that what you’re confronting are people, not only proposals. 

Mr. Yu: There’s nothing wrong with being considerate of all aspects, but people are incoercible, let alone businessmen who always prioritize their interests above all else. 

───── [FLASHBACK ENDS] ─────

— 

Suddenly, something lightly bumps against my feet, snapping me back to reality. 

It’s a soccer ball. 

??: Sorry—— 

An unfamiliar voice sounds not far away, and upon lifting my head, I see a group of young boys waving at me, dripping with sweat. I knowingly rise to my feet and lift my leg to kick the ball back to them. 

The ball is passed with perfect accuracy to the feet of a young boy not too far away. 

??: Thanks, buddy! 

Sunlight filters down the gaps between the branches and leaves. I incline my head to gaze at the dappled light spots it creates. 

On this day, I’ve come to understand that many things don’t yield results based on the perfection achieved by one individual; there are numerous external factors at play. 

And that, one should always be prepared and have a well-rounded plan in place for everything. 

– 

The highly anticipated Autumn Sports Festival has lifted its curtains on a bright and beautiful morning. 

With the piercing sound of the whistle, the friendly soccer match is down to its final five minutes. 

Under the scorching sun, the grass field sizzles beneath our feet, and the striking 0:1 on the scoreboard has got everyone in the Section 1 team with their hearts hanging in midair. 

However, as if the situation is not already bad enough, more troubles keep coming one after another. Not only are we behind in the score, but our goalkeeper has also been red-carded and sent off the field due to a mistake while charging out. 

My gaze shifts from the glaring red card to the referee’s finger–– pointing at the 12-yard mark. 

??: You’ve got to be kidding me! A penalty kick at this moment–– they’re giving us the full “red-card” combo! This is ridiculous! Can’t we protest this? 

??: Come on, move along. The match is over. 

??: It’s really a pity for the Section 1 team. The two teams were neck and neck for so long, and I thought a miracle might really happen. 

??: You’re overthinking it. It’s already a miracle that they managed to persist until now. Among those students of Section 9, six of them are sports prodigies, you know. 

The ceaseless buzz of murmurs and discussions lingers around me from all directions. Fine beads of sweat cling to my neck in disarray, and I wipe them away in irritation, my toes finding themselves stomping on the ground several times. 

The current situation is indeed far from optimistic. 

If we bring in a forward as a substitute for the goalkeeper, the odds of winning the game will be completely against us. 

Given that nothing can be done about the 10 vs. 11 situation we’re already in, what can we possibly do to level the score? 

My brain spins at a lightning pace, and suddenly, a somewhat bold idea springs to mind. 

With almost not the slightest hesitation, I raise my hand to draw the referee’s attention, requesting a substitution. 

Xiao Luo: ...but you hardly ever took on the role of a goalkeeper in the practice matches we had before, and now to substitute as... 

Victor: The key is not just to defend the goalpost. 

I interrupt the sports committee representative and earnestly shift my gaze to the coach and the team members on the field. 

Victor: Being a midfielder, if I take on the role of the goalkeeper, to some extent, it will create a similar sense of skepticism in the opposing team. 

Victor: Now, at this point in the game, it essentially boils down to a competition of stamina. 

While speaking, I turn my gaze to the substitutes who are about to replace the wingers on both sides. 

Substitute teammate: But doesn’t that mean we’re giving up control of the midfield by doing this? 

Victor: You’re right. But without taking risks, there will be no reward. 

Victor: My strategy is not something I can accomplish relying on my abilities alone. I need the trust and cooperation of every single one of you. 

Victor: I will surely block the penalty kick. 

After putting on the protective gloves, I clap my palms together vigorously twice, and in my peripheral vision, I can see the penalty taker also walking to the designated spot. 

Drawing a deep breath, I walk to the side of the goalpost, slightly arch my body, and then fix my gaze straight ahead. Inadvertently, I raise my hand and gesture towards the completely unguarded opposite side. 

For a moment, it feels as if all the eyes in the entire arena have turned towards me, causing me to fall into a trance and giving me the sensation as though I can hear the sound of time ticking away. 

Another whistle blows. 

The opponent clearly hesitates for a moment, as if trying to decipher whether my action is intended as a provocation, or it has some other meaning. 

But all of that is unimportant at this moment. 

He had already lost right at the second he hesitated and did not take a decisive shot. 

And that second was all I needed. 

── 

Xiao Luo: Victor! You’re really something! I can’t believe that pulling off such an unconventional strategy secured us a narrow victory! 

Victor: It was merely a draw, nothing more. 

Teammate: Well, that still counts as a victory in our book! Let’s go to Lao Beimen’s street stall; I’m treating everyone to soda, ice-cream, and grilled sausages! Victor, you coming with us? 

Victor: Sure, let’s go. 

Xiao Luo and Teammates: YES! 

Watching my fellow teammates, who have shared the sweat and toil, beam with expressions of elation as if they have scored a goal, I find myself smiling along with them. 

The afternoon heat is yet to subside, and pedestrians are seeking shelter beneath the shade of the trees as they move forward. Only we continue to walk under the sunlight, chatting and laughing among ourselves as we walk down the footbridge. 

The lady working at the newspaper stand places the newly arrived comics in a prominent spot, then sits down in the shaded area, fanning herself with a palm-leaf fan; 

The bright and youthful college students walk hand in hand, their phone charms clinking together, producing a crisp sound; 

Clad in their uniform, the junior high schoolers sport headphones as they wait for the bus to arrive. Who knows what they’re listening to, whether it’s some English listening exercise or popular music; 

The fine beads of sweat glisten with a radiant glow between the young boy’s hairline, while his red sportswear is eye-catching and vibrant, epitomizing the most splendid appearance one can have at his age.

I tighten the cords of my drawstring bag a little and skillfully keep the ball bouncing on my toes, maneuvering around a few bicycles on the lane without any people, and then use a bit of force to toss the ball in the air. 

The attempt to catch the ball with my knee isn’t executed perfectly, and the ball slightly slips out of control. 

I jog a couple of steps to catch up, throw the ball again, and catch it once more— and like this, I indulge in this self-amusing routine tirelessly. 

A light sheen of sweat lightly dampens the ends of my hair. I fling my head back a little and quicken my stride, allowing the gentle breeze to whisk away the residual heat. 

Even though it’s merely a school-level sports event, triumph always feels great, especially when your own efforts are so clearly visible. 

There are still two more intersections to go before we reach Lao Beimen’s stall. As I watch the several spiritedly hopping figures ahead of me, I decide to bring my own little celebration to an end. 

After all, this was merely a school-level soccer match; I couldn’t let satisfaction be so readily apparent on my face. 

The soccer ball bounces and produces a firm sound, while the fluttering clothes closely trails its trajectory. 

It’s only the sunshine that knows the young boy has been unknowingly sporting a smile at the corners of his lips, unmistakably revealing a look of satisfaction. 

────── ••• ─────

💘 【Calls】: Here!

───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

【Anika’s Ramblings】

—

[chappell-roans]

They’re soft launching a Euphoria time-jump girlies…they already did that by skirting over the rest of the school year in Rue’s end monologue but are they gonna be out of high school? Isn’t it just gonna be Rue/the other girlies (besides Cassie & Nate who are graduating) senior year?

[bb-basbusa]

"What if Clark Kent adopted Dick Grayson?"

So, I read a fanfic on AO3 called 'follow the sun' by seeking __Xanadu. A beautiful story in which Bruce and Alfred talk about how Dick was the only batboy not adopted and how that caused him to have doubts about his role the family. In one paragraph, back when dick was robin, Bruce mention that Clark asked him if he was planning on adopting dick. and Bruce admitted that he was afraid that Clark would ask Dick himself and would accept. And this idea pooped into my mind. I wrote this instead of studying, but since I finished my finals today, I am celebrating by posting this story. Hope you enjoy. No beta we die like robins

 Dick was fired from being Robin after he was shot by the Joker

Heartbroken, he goes to Metropolis to his uncle Clark.

Clark of course is angry for Dick and furious at Bruce

The Man of steel decides it's best if Dick stayed at the farm with the kents

The Kents are welcoming of Dick and are very fond of him, they already consider him part of the family ever since he was a child. He would frequently stay with the Kents for a few weeks during the Summer vacation

Clark would go to work at the morning but would stay the rest of the day at the farm with Dick and his parents, if his hero responsibilities don't demand him.

Dick appreciates this

The kents are exactly what Dick needs. They are understanding, emotionally well adjusted. And not afraid to show affection(hugs) of emotions.

They become the family the family that Dick always wanted and desperately needed

With time, the former Robin would heal and move on from Bruce's idiotic action and emotional constipation. And dick's relationship to Clark upgrades from uncle to dad

After a few months of living with the Kents, the man of steel approaches the young man

"It would do me great honor if you'd be my son and accept me as your father"

The tearful hug that followed speaks louder than any word.

Dick's adoption day would be celebrated yearly with his family. When his friends (Titans) heard they were so happy for him.

Clark still tells Dick the story of nightwing and flamebird. And he still asks for hs dad permission to use the name nightwing

He still goes to bludhaven and, but instead of being a cop, he becomes a journalist. (Lois personally mentored him)

Life continues, a new Robin roam's Gotham.

Bruce has adopted a kid

It hurt at first that Bruce adopted a kid but never him and had the audacity to give his mother's name to someone else. The anger for not being adopted quickly went away. The acrobat already has a loving family and he haven't seen Bruce as a father figure in a long time

The anger for his stolen name subsided after Dick met Jason. They met at the teen Titan's tower.

He saw how being Robin meant so much to the little boy (and he was small) and came to realize that Robin has become so much more to the people of Gotham. Came along way from being a childhood nickname, a tribute to honor his parents, to a symbol of hope.

Jason and Dick's relationship is different, less antagonistic.

The kid is a little shit mind you, but he's an adorable little shit.

Though there is some underlying tension between them, cough Bruce cough, it resolved somewhat after they had a talk about the origin of Robin and how much it means to Dick. But especially after Dick told him

"I'm entrusting Robin to you, take care of him for me"

That's all Jason needed, the acknowledgment of his predecessor.

 Clark and Lois gets married, and later Jon Samuel Kent is Born, Dick was determined to be the best big brother ever.

Jason still dies, Dick still goes to the Batcave to console Bruce, he still gets punched and kicked out by Bruce again, Tim still seeks him out and asks him to be Robin again

Dick still refuses. And this time he never goes back unless it was mission related, he washed his hand from Bruce. Tim still becomes Robin, but Nightwig doesn't mentor him like in the comics.

They still become friends but not brothers.

Doomsday runs rampage. superman stops him stops the cost of his life. The Kents are devastated. Dick was on a league mission in space when he heard the news.

He lost his dad again

Almost lost himself to grief and guilt if it wasn't for Martha, Jonathan, Lois, and little Jon.

Dick take it upon himself to patrol both Bludhaven and Metropolis, with the help of the Titans of course, they won't let patrol to cities on his own.

Different people appear trying to be superman, one is a boy with kryptonian powers that looks so much like his father

A portal to apokolips opens, darkseid and his army try to take over the earth. Superman comes back. And with the help the Nightwing and superboy thy defeat the invaders

The family is reunited, and they are overjoyed.

Clark accepts superboy quicker than canon, because of Dick's influence. The nameless boy becomes Conner Kent. The man of steel now has 3 sons. Dick gained a new brother.

Clark gives all his sons kryptonian names including dick. He is not just a Kent, he is a member of the house of El as well.

A space shuttle crashes on earth carrying a blonde teenager, Kara Zor El. And the family grows

Years Pass and Bruce Finds out about Damian, he didn't know what to do with the boy. He is volatile, murderous, arrogant.

Alfred advices him to send Damian to the Teen Titans. Being in the team helped all his boys, the old butler is certain that it would help Damian as well.

Dick and Damian met in the tower just like Jason before him. Initially, it didn't go well. Damian's attitude is not friendly at all.

It takes time and patience, but the baby ninja assassin starts to respect Dick and sees him as a worthy mentor.

They aren't as close as canon, but they are friendly towards each other. Well, as friendly as it can be with Damian.

Basically Dick is living his best life as a Kent-Grayson or Grayson-Kent, and it's doing wonders for his emotional and mental health.

[sevdrag]

OK YALL BUCKLE UP ITS TIME TO TRANSCRIBE A DREAM ABOUT CLINT BARTON

so sometimes my brain decides to treat me to dreams in the form of a lifetime movie, in which I’m a character (not an actor? the character in the dream? I’m that character, but they’re NOT me?) and we play out the whole movie like I’m watching it but also IN it. idk. My dreams are all ecstatically strange anyway, who knows.

So last night ya girl was part of a high school crowd going off for a weekend, like, camping (?) with a bunch of people and we were gonna have a bonfire and fuck around in some abandoned buildings (?) and just have a rowdy fun summer weekend. And the character I was knew that some of these spooky abandoned belonged to the Barton family, and what do you know, there’s that Clint Barton kid hanging around, yknow, the one that dropped out of high school but yeah we always thought he was kinda cute and we were always friendly with each other and, hey, let’s invite the Barton kid along for the weekend and see if there’s anything cool in these old Barton buildings, right?

and of course as these lifetime movies go, this character and Clint Barton have been like, crushing on each other, and of course the Barton kid is super cool and spends the weekend with the crowd and the Barton buildings are acceptably spooky, and of course this me character and Clint totally get together and end up hooking up and absolutely in adorable high school sweethearts love.

At this point I need to mention that dream Clint Barton was an absolutely fabulous kisser, just let me tell you. Lots of delicious kissing. There was also a brief point where my brain switched to a scene where this character was on their knees giving Clint a blowjob and he was fucking their face (but unfortunately I was *watching* that part like a movie rather than getting to experience dream Clint fucking my throat what) and the dream implied that they were fuckin’ but did a fade to black I am so mad at my subconscious.

Then the movie (I told you it was a movie!) moves forward to the future, where this character’s grown up and on some kind of vacation / cruise ship (???). They have three kids - one’s theirs, two are a brother or sister’s who has passed away. They’re on this trip with their parents to just kind of get a break from their sad busy life. Unmarried. The kids are cute and you get the feeling that they’re satisfied but not happy, right?

And of course they run into adult Clint Barton!

The dream pulls a flashback, right, to the two of them being utterly happy and in true mcfuckin love in HS, but then Clint starts getting stressed because he’s trying to make money doing (? Auto repair? I forget) to buy back the Barton buildings and the character’s under social pressure like “but where are you going to go with the Barton boy, he didn’t even finish high school” and they have an incredibly sad split.

So Clint Barton and I recognize each other at once and we’re having this awkward reunion and my character gives the kids to their parents and we go to have an awkward catch up session. It turns out Clint is passing through to meet up w another cruise ship (?) to propose to his soon to be fiancé. So we’re catching up and we drift back to high school and we both apologize for how things turned out and we’re kind of doing the awkward there are still feelings there dance. He asks about the kids, I explain that two are my brother’s and one’s mine and the other parent didn’t work out. My character says some dramatic line like, “I’d rather be alone than unsure.” And blah blah we keep talking.

So my character says what now? And Clint says, I’m gonna kiss you once for old times sake, and then we’re both gonna move on with our lives.

Except that it’s incredibly amazing kissing, right, more passion in it than anything has ever had, and we end up going back to Clint’s cabin to make sweet passionate fuckin’ love.

Then of course the next day my character has to go back to the kids and Clint has to go meet his soon to be fiancée and we’re both torn by it but trying to be strong so we kiss each other goodbye in private and separate.

My character goes off back to their family and just breaks down in tears. The rest of the day is just me crying and the kids don’t understand and my parents are like... I don’t know what the fuck they’re doing I guess.

Then we’re like playing on the beach or something and I look up and there’s Clint Fuckin Barton just standing there and staring and I’m like what are you doing and he’s like I told my ex fiancée that I’d rather be alone than unsure and I had to come back to you.

And that’s how my brain literally cast me in a lifetime movie with Clint Barton wow I’m embarrassed to post this

[chelsibillano]

How I ended up dating my first crush － a concept before, a real life story now.

After my college ex and I broke up, I realized a lot of things. Well, we'd been together for almost 5 years of course the pain, the regrets, the harsh words, and the damage it'll always be there. I didn't know that I'll be needing 3 years to move on from that relationship. But then another person came into my life, we didn't happen. And again. And again. And again.

Until someone came back into my life. My first grade crush. Who would have thought that I'll be dating my first crush? It started when we bumped into each other way back 2011. Surprisingly, we went to same school. Trinity University of Asia (Imagine, from 1st grade to 1st year college, tagal din no'n). Met a lot of people of course. She was taking Med Tech and I am taking Psych. Another plot twist, my crush and my classmate were high school friends (both of them went to Trinity HS). So, given the situation, we had the chance to talk again after how many years. But that's just it. Because that time I was taken already. We didn't happen. She transferred to FEU to take Mass Com and I went to UE, and I am still taking Psych. Until 2016, after 5 years, she tried to talk to me again. In a very casual way. I think for the sole purpose of being friends. Most of the time, we're just talking about our partners. To cut the long story short, more on heartbreaks and relationships. But then, she started flirting with me. (In a very lowkey way) I can still remember the time that she invited me to her house. To have some drinks with her friends. Of course I said yes. She even held my hand when we decided to eat right after we finished drinking. I actually thought that it'll be the start. To be honest, not being "advance mag isip", but I really think that we will be great together, as a couple. Maybe by that time, she haven't seen it the way I do. But I knew it. Unfortunately, we didn't happen. She's still into her ex. I was hurt. I felt that she left me hanging. I told her about how I feel. She acknowledged it. But that's the thing. She didn't say anything. It would be fine for me if she just said "I'm sorry but I'm not into you.", but she did not say anything to me. She’s just sending me random messages like “Miss you beb :(”, I am kind enough and I am still replying to her messages, but I know that I have this “aloof” feeling towards her. Until one day, I just found out that she and her ex are back together. Right there and then, I said to myself that maybe now is not the right time. I just let her go. Until I met new people. It's either I am not into them or they are not into me. No in between lol. So I stayed single for a very long time.

Next thing I know is that, my high school ex and I started talking to each other again after 2 years. I think it was around October 2017. We're good friends. Since we’ve known each other since grade school also. That's just it. After a month of talking (btw she’s taken), my ex and I planned to go to Visayas for our late summer vacation. I was the one who booked the flight and decided to travel around June 2018 right after my birthday. Low and behold, earlier of June, I saw a post about the kids crying because they don't want to go to school. I tagged it to my crush. (Because she's the reason why I survived my 1st grade life. I really hate going to school back then. I don't even want my mom to leave the school. That's why I always cry. But then, my crush was the one who comforts me and reminds me that that's okay. My mom will come back. Blah blah blah.) Then, we exchanged tweets. She really pushed me to the edge until I confessed that I have a crush on her since we were in 1st grade (but she knew it already tho) and so I did. Then my birthday came, she greets me and we started catching up again. We haven't talked to each other for almost 2 years. Then she told me that she'll text me because she'll go offline. She went online again just to ask if I received her text. I said no. We found out that she has my old number. So I was the one who texted her first. I also found out that she’s single. So that's it. Until my travel period came. June 19. Again, it's just me and my ex. I don't give details to my crush since she's not asking about it. She just found out that I'll be going to Iloilo when I am on my way to the airport. She was shookt. She didn't expect that I'll be travelling far. She asked who am I travelling with. I said, "my friend". Then after the trip, I posted my pictures of course. The last thing that I posted were the pictures of my ex and I together. I just put a caption, "And of course, thank you". Everyone went crazy about that post because they thought that we are dating again. Lots of people put a lot of comments. But I didn't reply. But then my crush started tweeting about jealousy. So I asked her what is it all about. I found out that she feels jealous when she found out that I was with my ex during my trip. Lol.

So she confessed that she likes me. And I like her too. Still and always.

Of course, as a friend of mine, I told my ex about it. Imagine crush ka ng crush mo??? What a concept, right? But instead of supporting me and be happy for me, she just yelled at me over the phone. Saying that I'll be leaving her now that I am with someone else. I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING. After all, she is taken with someone else. That's when I found out that she's still into me. I felt offended and hurt. She said a lot of painful words to me and all I know right now is that, I don't want to see her. That's it.

So, going back to my crush, after confessing her feelings to me, I have this fear already. What if she just hate the thought that I am with someone else? What if it's just infatuation? To stop my brain from overthinking, I asked her. Clarified things with her. And she's very clear that she really likes me. She explained that, prior to that moment, she started stalking me. She suddenly felt that she likes me but she's doubtful about it. She even told her roommate about it. She just figured it out when she felt that she was jealous of my ex. That's when it all started. We started seeing each other again. We hang out again. But we're NOT YET together. It's almost a month now. And we still believe that we really need to know each other first before we level things up. It's a good choice tho. I was able to showcase the good and bad in me and she does the same thing to me.

So that’s it, I am so happy to have someone like her. I am beyond blessed to be with her. To be honest, I am so excited with what's ahead of us. I was right when I said to myself that we're going to be a great couple. Because even when we're still "dating", I can feel that she's going to give me a lot of reason everyday, to love her unconditionally and uncontrollably. And that kids, is how I ended up dating my first crush.

And yes, we’re both girls. Lol 

[sightful-tangents]

january 1, 2020

Hi friends. It’s been a while, hasn’t it. I usually try and write something once a month or so but obviously I dropped the ball last year.

Can you believe it’s 2020? I think each year I start taking my resolutions more and more seriously. It’s one of those long-term commitments that I’ve found deeply rewarding just because of the passage of time. Simply with setting goals and the year passing by (for like, 5 years now) makes me excited with each coming year to think about what I want to accomplish, and how I want to shape my life.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. My 2020 themes note has been living in my phone for months now, but we’re here for the 2019 retrospective (original post here). It’s been quite a year. Here we go, on how I did.

THE BIG ONE

1. Put down roots. This resolution was three-pronged: a sturdy mental foundation, a sense of belonging in a place, and a feeling of belonging with people. I think I mostly accomplished that - my mental health (minus a very very stressful 1.5 months at work) has been mostly good, bolstered by well-timed vacations that cleared my head SO well (ugh, I *need* these breaks , that’s what I learned). I’ve been living in my basement for a bit over a year now and my space is coming together. I’m starting to really like being at home and in my space and feeling comfortable and content there. And lastly, a feeling of belonging with people… I do think I depend my relationships this year. I let a few go (or more like, I no longer hold those as dearly) but I formed a few new ones and overall, especially with the holidays being a time when I always reflect and feel extremely grateful, thinking of those that I cared about and wanted to give gifts/cards to… I’m just very grateful for those people around me and how they make me feel. I read a Bill Gates/Warren Buffet interview once, where Warren Buffet said his measure of success was whether the people you care about you love you back. This year, I felt this. So I’m going to count this one as done.

WORK

2. Don’t get fired.

I didn’t!! 

3. No major fuck-ups (that may lead to being fired and/or my supervisor seriously regretting his decision to hire me).

I think I’ve made mistakes but this year, no major fuck-ups I don’t think.

4. Get a professional certification.

I did! I got a professional cert in the field of privacy.

5. Learn to be a better supervisor.

I think I did this. I think I’m better, specifically, I’ve been very intentional with being open with the person I work with/supervise, not micro-managing, and trying to support her to do projects she’s interested in. I’m sure there’s still a ways to go, but I think I improved.

6. Be okay with being uncomfortable at work.

I’m never going to feel completely comfortable, I don’t think. But I’ve been better and taking on projects that I’m not sure how to handle, and trying my best. Also, I’ve never been more fucking uncomfortable organizing a work event in my life (this was the 1.5 months of hell) but it’s done and nobody died. 

TANGIBLE-(ish) 7. Be smart with money.

I did a budget this year, breaking down my categories of spending. Pros: I kept within my vacation budget, kept mostly to my savings goal, didn’t spend too much on groceries, spent a reasonable amount on restaurants/bars and entertainment. Cons: I think I spent a bit too much on clothes. I saved a decent amount as well (an inheritance and a tax refund helped as well, but thankfully I didn’t spend those frivolously). 

8. Read 35 books.

Nope, I only read 14. I’m gonna only aim for 30 next year. Sigh. It makes me sad that I don’t read as much anymore, but I also have a physical bookcase now (YAY!) which gives me more excuses to buy physical books (YAY?) 

9. Cook at least 2 times a week.

By “cook”… what did I mean? I didn’t eat out for dinner often, but often my dinner would be a quickly assembled meal (I eat oatmeal for dinner more often than I would care to admit). I’ll say this is half done. I definitely TRIED to cook more (as in with the pay and all that) but definitely not consistently at twice a week.

10. Get an IUD.

I did this! I don’t know if my body likes it (ugh the side effects are a-nnoying!). But it’s done.

11. Volunteer.

I volunteered for 2 events in 2018, and last year (2019) I did 3. I enjoyed them all a lot!

12. Continue playing piano for fun.  

Again, I’m so glad I bought that piano (keyboard). It’s been truly joyful to re-introduce music into my life.

13. Learn and keep a new hobby.

YES I DID THIS. My friends know that I constantly talk about wanting to pick up a new hobby (I actually also took 8 weeks of pottery classes earlier this year… which was totally not my jam). But I asked for a guitar from my mum for Christmas and she gave it to me early in November and learning to play it has been infinitely rewarding. I suck really bad but I suck a tiny bit less each time.

SPACE

14. Travel.

My travel goals were: Taiwan, the Rockies (Banff and Jasper), and either South America, Turkey, or Eastern Europe. Also, maybe Toronto over the holidays. And I was very very very tentatively thinking about going to New Zealand in 2020, so let’s cross our fingers. 

In reality, I made it to: Taiwan, Rockies, Japan, and Toronto. Japan was a surprise trip of sorts since it wasn’t on my radar, but I went with my Japanese housemate and had an AMAZING time. I felt so so happy and calm there, it was incredible.

15. Settle into my living space.

I’m now stressed out that I own too much shit. I mean, I have two dressers, 2 bedside tables, a kitchen table, 2+ chairs, a couch, a TV, a piano, a guitar, a bookcase + books, a few organization things, and all this kitchen shit. The next move is gonna SUUUUCK. But… my living space feels like mine. I have a second room with my instruments and TV and wall decorations I love and honestly it makes me happy to just chill there around all of “my shit” and think to myself “this is me”. It’s taken like a year to slowly get my stuff (like, I bought a Dyson vacuum on Boxing Day…) but things do feel like they’ve come together in to a safe space. 

16. Settle into my city.

This summer was sooo good, weather wise. I stayed in the city, went on lots of dates, and just hung out in the sunshine. It made me love living where I am, although the rainy months are gross. I’ve also grown to know the restaurants, bars, and grocery stores near me and downtown, all of which make me feel a bit more rooted. Yay for yearly themes, eh.

RELATIONSHIPS

17. Make 2 new friends.

I don’t know if they’re new friends since I met them before 2019, but I have formed stronger friendships with an old coworker, as well as re-building a friendship that I had kinda cut off early in the year. Both I’m going to count.

18. Date people!

I did this! I made a little mental note to myself that I’d accept any date someone asked if in person, in addition to a challenge with my friend to go on 3 online dates (w/ different people). This means I’ve went on “dates” (could be as casual as coffee) with someone who asked me out on the street, on a bus, through Instagram DMs, and through tinder. It’s been mostly good, I think.

19. See my mom at least once or twice a month.

I did this! Having a closer relationship with my mom is another one of those things that have built over the course of years, and that I look back and am thankful that past-me (when I was in Toronto) decided to call her once a week when I was pretty MIA in university. Now we’re a lot closer and she has helped me so much (like, she’s pretty much helped me completely furnish my place).

20. Be a better friend (support & generosity).

I think so. I cut my friend circle a little bit (especially high school friends that I realized I didn’t need to hold so closely. It’s funny because when I went away for university, I loved my HS friends so much and would eagerly see them every time I visited. Now that I’m back, I just feel like my HS friends know the old me, and that the current me has changed so much. Or just to say that I think while I’ll always be friendly and love them, I just don’t feel a pressure to be as active in those friendships as I did before. I dedicate myself to other ties.) I’ve deepened my friendships (that I care about) and I know I’m still learning how to be a better friend (always) but I’ve really put in the effort this year.

SELF

21. INTENTIONALITY.

This is a bit of a hit or miss. I mean, I regularly watch 40 minute Bon Appetit youtube videos (I would die for Claire) and read fewer books than I have in like 8 years. But I think I was kinda intentional with my time (making time to see friends, spending my vacation time traveling). I’ll give myself a half point for this.

22. Keep my mental health in check (and prioritize it).

I had 1.5 months of mental health hell, for real. I felt like I didn’t have any time to live my life, including buying groceries or eating dinner. It probably wasn’t that bad but my brain made it feel that way. However, that means I had 10.5 months of pretty decent mental health. If a work issue was the worst thing that happened to me this year, it must not have been that bad.

23. Figure out my finances.

Not really. I saved well, budgeted, but didn’t to the type of actual learning I was aiming for.

24. Fucking exercise.

No :(

25. Maintain my weight.

Yeah, I think so.

26. Be better than I currently am.

I…think so.

27. Take risks. Of all sorts. Because, why not. I had a really big(ish) decision this year and I was initially going to make a decision out of fear of risks. But part of my final thought process was that I think I’d be disappointed in myself that if when it all came down to the line, I decided not to make a potentially risky decision that was sitting in front of me. So even though the future is murky and unknown, I did take it. I also learned there are A LOT OF REASONS WHY NOT. I don’t like to describe anything I do as brave but a little part of me thought that by not doing the safe thing, I did the brave thing. 

----

And.. that’s it. Final score (including the half points): 21.5 out of 27… I’m very pleased :) Who knew this year would turn out like this? 

[theonyxpath]

Aaaah, what does Jon Snow know, anyway?

(The answer is “nothing”.)

But we know that we’ve themed our Changeling: the Lost 2nd Edition Kickstarter to change from season to season, week to week. This week, we’re finishing up Winter, and next up is Spring and all the growth that promises.

But right now, Winter rules and with it a post-Thanksgiving sense of lingering thankfulness.

Maybe it was attending PAX Unplugged in my hometown of Philly a couple of weeks ago just two blocks from the hobby store where I bought the original D&D Monster Manual, then a wonderful family Thanksgiving, and then getting back together with an old friend and gaming buddy from our college years after ten years yesterday, but I’m in the mood to tell you about how I got into this tabletop gaming thing of ours while expressing some thanks.

(Feel free to skip to THE BLURBS! and the Updates, if anything pre-White Wolf causes your eyes to glaze over. This is pre-history, dude.)

      Half Damned art by Michele Giorgi

      Here’s the preamble: I started serious tabletop gaming in my sophomore year of HS (Central HS in Philly, class 239) by walking into the Strategy & Tactics Society where about a dozen guys were playing board games like Squad Leader and Wooden Ships and Iron Men.

You want to see where checking off heatsinks in BattleTech came from? That’s your game; you checked off hull, rigging, etc. Also probably influenced Star Fleet Battles.

Anyway, I was amazed because I had never met anyone who wanted to play Avalon Hill and other tactical boardgames. Besides myself. So I stayed and played, and within a couple of weeks I heard that Robert was coming back, and he was ready to DM.

I had no idea who this guy was, or what a DM was, but this was apparently big news to the group who were into this new style of gaming called Dungeons and Dragons. A bunch of the other gamers in the club were not happy with it; it wasn’t real gaming, they said. Apparently, we had all been waiting for Robert to get his hands on a book of new rules called Blackmoor. Sure, whatever you say.

Well, I did sit in on the session when Robert returned, and while my Halfling Thief was hardly an original fantasy character concept, I was enthralled by this combination of improv theatre and wargaming where I could discover the world that started on sheets of graph paper that Robert scribbled on in response to our questions – a tree here, a pool of mud there – but was so much bigger and richer in my mind.

And Robert was amazing. The way he worked with each player to include their ideas, but kept his conception of this world of his constant, was like watching a narrative grow. Like sitting next to Moorcock, Tolkien, or Leiber, and suggesting ideas. I didn’t know anything like this existed! So my first Thanks go to Robert, my first DM, who inspired me to start my own campaign world not six months later.

A bunch of us took turns DMing as Robert faded away towards graduation, and not just D&D, but Boot Hill and Traveller as well. How we laughed as our intricately planned space military characters died in character creation! Good times.

    Enemy Action art by Andrew Trabbold

      But I DM’d D&D specifically, and began a consistent world that I fined-tuned over the Summer vacation, so that when we resumed playing in our club after school, and I had enough players that we could divide them into the good, neutral, and evil, teams, they all started in The City With No Name that sat astride the east/west and north/south trade routes nexus – and their adventures affected the city and the world.

Two years the gaming club guys played in that same world, many of them running through multiple characters. I graduated, went to art school twenty minutes from high school, so I returned to DM for the club some afternoons. Many of the folks who learned tabletop RPGs from playing these sessions became friends and we got together outside of the club, especially as they graduated and went to college too.

Meanwhile, I started DMing, same world, for a group of students at art school and their friends once a week. A bunch tried it, thought it was fun (or not) but didn’t keep up with it. But a core group loved it, and became the nucleus for a weekly gaming session that went on for twelve years. (I did not run all of those games, and we did miss some weeks, but it was mostly my D&D world).

And here is the next Thanks: I’m thankful that our group was mixed genders and races and that there was never an issue with prejudice within our group. There were affairs and jealousy and grudges and other human interactions, but for whatever reason I was lucky to have a group that saw this weird hobby as something that everyone could partake in and play in whatever way they felt good playing.

We had Mickey with her crafted storylines for her characters like Kwik the duck monk (Mistress of Kwak-Fu), and the brutish DW the half-ogre and his evil intelligent two-handed sword who did his thinking for him. Danilo with his “what’s next?” questions, and chaotic characters like Elmer who reincarnated into a troll. Jodie, who read every D&D book and magazine she got her hands on and knew all the gaming tricks for Yain Yarwa (Y-Squared) elven thief/assassin, and Isis, illusionist were-tiger. Chaka with his intricate strategies and plans that could take months to come to fruition, and Ed, who wrote up our sessions as chapters in a novel featuring his character Farcist, half-orc renegade.

In fact, our group only stopped playing because I moved to Georgia in 1992 to take over all Art Direction at White Wolf. We had been to hell and back together in our personal lives, and except for one guy who deserted us during those times, the group stuck together. When I moved, they were the ones who drove the rented vans with all my worldly goods down to GA.

Which brings me to now and several decades later. Because as of last year, most of the old crew have started to get together once a quarter. Sometimes for game night, sometimes for a movie, once for a wedding; always so we can talk with each other as only old friends can. Our kids are heading out into high school and college or into their own lives, and there is time again to get together with those people whose characters were once an adventuring party, but whose real lives have bonded even more tightly. My third Thanks goes to them.

So fourth Thanks: for forty years (this month) of this RPG hobby that set me on a career path and allowed me to make friends all the way through those times. My good gaming friends from high school and college and my WW friends and all the people I’ve befriended since then. Folks I’m simply glad to see at conventions, folks on-line, and those who have stood with me facing the hordes of hell.

Kind of getting inspired here; I may even start running my D&D world again…

Many Worlds. One Path.

  BLURBS!

KICKSTARTER:

Almost halfway through our KS campaign!

Our story so far: We funded in about a day, and have already blown through nine Stretch Goals and went past 200% funding before last weekend! The goals include the two novellas: Autumn and Winter, an art budget increase, two new sections for the Kith and Kin book that we’re calling the Book of Kiths, the first sections for the CtL2 Companion: Entitlements and Freeholds, and we added another 2 PDFs to our CtL 1st Edition PDF reward. And we’re just on the verge of adding another Kith section to that book!

We’ve also revealed excerpts with notes from the developers, and half the book text has been shown to backers so far.

Come along as the seasons change and we reveal the next chapters of the core book text to backers!

Next, our Trinity Continuum Kickstarter will start in early January!

  ON SALE NOW:

As we try and find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is now live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is both rolling and rocking! Right now, they’re working on implementing multi-dice and die previews in the store, after adding in a lot of requested upgrades and tweaks, which is going along nicely but is a ton of work. Here are the links for the Apple and Android versions:

http://ift.tt/2zjnD0c

http://ift.tt/2hhT5Fk

Three different screenshots, above.

(The Solar Anima special Dice)

    ON AMAZON AND BARNES & NOBLE:

We’re delighted to announce the opening of our ebook stores on Amazon and Barnes & Noble! You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle (from Amazon) and Nook (from Barnes & Noble). Our initial selection includes these fiction anthologies:

Vampire: The Masquerade: The Endless Ages Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: Rites of Renown: When Will You Rage II (Kindle, Nook)

Mage: The Ascension: Truth Beyond Paradox (Kindle, Nook)

Chronicles of Darkness: The God-Machine Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Mummy: The Curse: Curse of the Blue Nile (Kindle, Nook)

Beast: The Primordial: The Primordial Feast Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

  And here are six more fiction books:

Vampire: The Masquerade: Of Predators and Prey: The Hunters Hunted II Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: The Poison Tree (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: Songs of the Sun and Moon: Tales of the Changing Breeds (Kindle, Nook)

Vampire: The Requiem: The Strix Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Forsaken: The Idigam Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Mage: The Awakening: The Fallen World Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

  Andand six more more:

Vampire: The Masquerade: The Beast Within Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: W20 Cookbook (Kindle, Nook)

Exalted: Tales from the Age of Sorrows (Kindle, Nook)

Chronicles of Darkness: Tales of the Dark Eras (Kindle, Nook)

Promethean: The Created: The Firestorm Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Demon: The Descent: Demon: Interface (Kindle, Nook)

  And even more books are now on Amazon and the Nook store!:

Scarred Lands: Death in the Walled Warren (Kindle, Nook)

V20 Dark Ages: Cainite Conspiracies (Kindle, Nook)

Chronicles of Darkness: Strangeness in the Proportion (Kindle, Nook)

Vampire: The Requiem: Silent Knife (Kindle, Nook)

Mummy: The Curse: Dawn of Heresies (Kindle, Nook)

    OUR SALES PARTNERS:

We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the Screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there!

http://ift.tt/2w0aaEW

    Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Here’s the link to the press release we put out about how Onyx Path is now selling through Indie Press Revolution: http://ift.tt/1ZlTT6z

You can now order wave 2 of our Deluxe and Prestige print overrun books, including Deluxe Mage 20th Anniversary, and Deluxe V20 Dark Ages! And Screens…so many Screens!

And you can now order Pugmire: the book, the screen, and the dice! http://ift.tt/1pOsnTb

    DRIVETHRURPG.COM:

This Wednesday, we unveil Vampire: The Requiem 2e‘s Half-Damned as an Advance PDF on DTRPG.com!

I love her, she’s family, but I don’t love what she is.

– Antonio Ramírez, dhampir

This book includes: 

• An exploration of what it means to be one of the Half-Damned, dhampir, revenants or ghouls.

• Mechanics for creating Half-Damned characters.

• Information for creating and running chronicles using the various Half-Damned character types, both with vampires and alone.

• Information on Half-Damned antagonists for vampire chronicles.

      Legacy of Lies, the V20 Dark Ages Jumpstart, goes undead in PDF and physical book PoD versions on DTRPG:

http://ift.tt/2k981ql

TWO PRINCES. BITTER RIVALS. AND A COTERIE CAUGHT BETWEEN THEM. 

Marcus Verus, the vampiric Prince of Chester, secretly prepares to go into torpor. Should his plans be made public, the Prince knows the wolves — both real and imagined — would launch an attack, threatening all within his domain.

That’s where you come in.

Legacy of Lies includes:

Basic rules for players and Storytellers

Introduction to the Vampire: The Masquerade Dark Ages setting

Introductory adventure

Characters for players and Storytellers

      Appearing on DriveThruRPG is the Advance PDF for Arms of the Chosen for Exalted 3rd Edition! http://ift.tt/2A0ga4f

Take up the panoply of legendary heroes and lost ages, and awaken the world-shaking might of their Evocations. Before the dawn of time, the Exalted wielded god-metal blades to cast down the makers of the universe. In an ancient epoch of forgotten glories, Creation’s greatest artificers forged unimaginable wonders and miracle-machines.

Now, in the Age of Sorrows, kingdoms go to war over potent artifacts, scavenger princes risk everything to uncover relics of the past, and the Exalted forge great arms and armor on the anvil of legend. These treasures are yours to master.

Discover the mystical power of the five magical materials and the secrets of creating your own Evocations. Wield weapons of fabled might and don the armor of mythic heroes, making their puissance your own. Claim Creation’s wonders: the miraculous tools of the Chosen, living automatons, flying machines, hearthstones, and more. And unleash the mighty warstriders, titanic god-engines of conquest and devastation, to once more shake Creation with their footfalls.

      NOW on DriveThruCards, the Pugmire Card Set One (Trick, Condition, and Initiative Cards) are helpful visual aids for your Pugmire gaming fun! http://ift.tt/2zC3kuY

Enhance your Pugmire game with this set of player aid cards! These helpful visual aids make your Pugmire gaming easier! Lay them out next to your sheet for ease of reference during play, and to keep track of what you can do, what affects your character, and when they get to act.

Set one contains one card each of every trick in the game, as well as every condition. It also has a set of initiative cards to track player and non-player character actions during combat. Sets two and three (covering artisan and shepherd spells) coming soon!

      What dark secrets do the eldest vampires hold? Find out in Thousand Years of Night for Vampire: The Requiem! PDF and physical book PoD versions available on DriveThruRPG.com. http://ift.tt/2sV8lZR

You may think that with a multitude of people coming, going, dying and running away, we’d be tired, done, or ready to give up. Instead, I find myself restless, looking for the next thing.  There’s always a next thing, and I for one am not yet ready to die.

– Elder Kincaid, Daeva Crone

This book includes:

• Detailed instructions on creating elder vampires, including how to base chronicles around them

• A look into the lives of elders, how they spend their nights, who they work with, and why including their roles in both their clans and covenants

• New Devotions, Merits, and Rituals for elder vampires

• The kinds of creatures that pose a threat to elder vampires, including Inamorata, Lamia, Sons of Phobos, a new elder conspiracy, and more!

      Is a life of running and hiding a life worth living? We say yes. There’s always something between the running and the hiding, and those moments of grace make it all worthwhile.

The Huntsmen Chronicle Anthology is a perfect companion piece to Changeling: The Lost, 2nd Edition. These stories spin tales of the Lost, of those abducted and enslaved by fairies. Those who escaped, but whose captors will stop at nothing to find them. These fairies summon forth the Huntsmen, primordial hunters who understand nothing but pursuit and capture. The Huntsmen are unstoppable monsters, and the Lost can only look to each other for respite, rare comfort, and rarer trust.

The Hedge has parted and you can get the Advance PDF of The Huntsmen Chronicle Fiction Anthology for Changeling: The Lost 2nd Edition at DTRPG.com! http://ift.tt/2z4uZnU

          A Land Where Legends Walk

Drawing enthusiastically on Greek mythology, the revised and re-imagined Scarred Lands nonetheless retains its place as a modern fantasy RPG setting. This is a world shaped by gods and monsters, and only the greatest of heroes can expect to be counted among them. The most populous continent of Scarn, Ghelspad, plays host to vast unexplored regions, hides unsolved riddles from ancient cultures, and taunts adventures with the promise of undiscovered riches hidden among the ruins of older civilizations.

Yet the myths of the Scarred Lands are relatively recent events. The effects of the Titanswar still ripple through the world, and the heroines and villains of many of these stories are part of living memory, if not still living.

The Award-Winning Fantasy Setting Returns

Scarred Lands has been a favorite fantasy setting since the release of the Creature Collection for the d20 System in 2000. In subsequent years, over 40 titles were published for Scarred Lands, making it one of the most fully supported fantasy RPG settings ever and the premiere product line of Sword & Sorcery Studios.

Available in both 5th Edition and Pathfinder compatible versions! PDF and PoD formats available NOW!

http://ift.tt/2fEO9YJ

http://ift.tt/2fELqyx

  Heroes, Villains, and Others in Between! 

This tome is a revision of the original book by the same title, originally published for use with 3rd edition rules for the world’s most popular roleplaying game. In this revised edition of The Wise & the Wicked, all the same characters have returned (and we’ve added some new ones, too!), for use with the Scarred Lands Player’s Guide. 

Champions of Gods and Titans 

The Wise & the Wicked introduces a rogue’s gallery of the Scarred Lands’ movers and shakers, characters who carry out the will of the gods or the fallen titans. These non-player characters can be friends, enemies, or simply convenient resources for the player characters in your game.

Inside, find villains such as King Virduk of Calastia, the Black Dragon, along with his wife, the beautiful (and black-hearted) Queen Geleeda; the Grand Vizier to King Virduk, the wicked warrior-mage Anteas; and the sinister general of Virduk’s northern armies, Archduke Traviak the Steel-Fisted. At the other end of the spectrum, meet the gracious Lady Ariniel, the Swan Knight, champion of Madriel; Kimer the Shatterer, bearer of the Earth Sword of Scarn and tenacious foe of the titanspawn of the north; and King Thain the Just, the Aleking, ruler of Burok Torn. And many others beside!

Here you’ll find a fascinating compendium of characters from the Scarred Lands, but easily transported into campaigns set elsewhere. In addition, find multiple appendices full of new magic items and artifacts, class archetypes and prestige classes, new feats, new creatures and races, and more.

Available in Pathfinder and 5th Edition versions! PDF and PoD formats available NOW!

http://ift.tt/2zdVHXS

http://ift.tt/2zeEpd8

            CONVENTIONS!

This weekend, Matthew Dawkins, Dave Brookshaw, and Eddy Webb are going to be at Dragonmeet in London. https://www.dragonmeet.co.uk/ Expect plenty of playful class warfare as these three mix it up, represent Onyx Path, and generally redefine the term “hooligans”.

  Planning ahead for 2018, we’re heading back to Midwinter Game Convention in Milwaukee, January 11-14, where we’re going to be bringing a big crew of many of your favorite Onyx Path designers and we’ll be running demos and making some special announcements at the show!  http://midwintergamingconvention.com

    And now, the new project status updates!

DEVELOPMENT STATUS FROM ROLLICKING ROSE (projects in bold have changed status since last week): No changes this week.

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep)

M20 Gods and Monsters (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

M20 Book of the Fallen (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

C20 Novel (Jackie Cassada) (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

  Redlines

Hunter: the Vigil 2e core (Hunter: the Vigil 2nd Edition)

They Came From Beneath the Sea! Rulebook (TCFBtS!)

  Second Draft

WoD Ghost Hunters (World of Darkness)

Tales of Good Dogs – Pugmire Fiction Anthology (Pugmire)

Exalted 3rd Novel by Matt Forbeck (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Night Horrors: The Tormented (Promethean: The Created 2nd Edition)

Monarchies of Mau (Monarchies of Mau)

  Development

Signs of Sorcery (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

SL Ring of Spiragos (Pathfinder – Scarred Lands 2nd Edition)

Ring of Spiragos (5e – Scarred Lands 2nd Edition)

Scion: Origin (Scion 2nd Edition)

Scion: Hero (Scion 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum Core Rulebook (The Trinity Continuum)

Trinity Continuum: Aeon Rulebook (The Trinity Continuum)

GtS Geist 2e core (Geist: the Sin-Eaters Second Edition)

  WW Manuscript Approval:

  Editing:

Ex Novel 2 (Aaron Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Pan’s Guide for New Pioneers (Pugmire)

Dragon-Blooded (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Kithbook Boggans (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

The Realm (Exalted 3rd Edition)

  Post-Editing Development:

Changeling: the Lost 2nd Edition, featuring the Huntsmen Chronicle (Changeling: the Lost 2nd Edition)

  Indexing:

    ART DIRECTION FROM MIRTHFUL MIKE:

In Art Direction

Cavaliers of Mars – New art getting assigned.

Ex3 Monthly Stuff

Scion Origins

Ring of Spiragos

Changeling: the Lost 2

Trinity Continuum – Assigned art notes for pieces for KS.

Pugmire – Vinsen’s Tomb

Ex3 Dragon Blooded

Pugmire – Pan’s Explorer’s Guide (or whatever) – Sending notes for this over to Laubenstein, Syme, Loboyko, and Alida this week as soon as I finish going through them.

  Marketing Stuff

  In Layout

Beast PG

Pugmire/Scarred Lands Community Content – working on the logo.

Book of Freeholds – To Mark

DtD Enemy Action – With Josh

Pugmire Fetch Quest – Working on sample designs for more playtesting.

  Proofing

Wraith 20 – Final layout proof to WW.

W20 Changing Ways – First proof.

  At Press

Beckett Screen – Shipped to shipper.

Scarred Land PGs & Wise and the Wicked PF & 5e – To fulfillment shipper. PDF and PoD physical book versions on sale at DTRPG.

Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition) – Deluxe Edition cover and Screen in the works. Waiting for Deluxe cover and the Screen proofs.

Prince’s Gambit – Print and Play version updated. Getting specs from printer.

M20 Cookbook – Files uploaded and processing.

CtL Huntsmen Chronicle Anthology  – Layout waiting for errata.

V20 Beckett’s Jyhad Diary– Inputting errata.

C20 Ready Made Characters – Ending Backer PDF errata gathering.

Ex 3 Arms of the Chosen – Advance PDF on sale on DTRPG, gathering errata.

Pugmire Artisan Cards – PoD proofs ordered.

Pugmire Shepherd Cards – PoD proofs ordered.

Pentex Indoctrination Manual – Being sent to backers this week.

VtR Half Damned – Advance PDF on sale this Wednesday on DTRPG.

  TODAY’S REASON TO CELEBRATE: To reference last week’s TRTC, the new version of MST3K has been picked up for a second season! (While you may think this is just a casual aside that speaks of another’s cultish nerd interest…consider how interested a person might be in a revival of a project with a hard-core group of vocal fans, if that person revives game lines with hard-core vocal fans on a regular basis. They did a great job at it, there is always much to learn from that.)

[gay-velma]

8 and 14

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

I’m most recently quite proud of that hat I posted on here a while ago, it was my first time using that stitch and the hat turned out so nicely and the yarn is so soft. I’m also really proud that my GPA is as high as it is right now with how quick I have to do my assignments since I usually don’t get back to my room until about 11 cause closing shifts can suck my ass. 

14: Talk about a vacation.

Okay so my family doesnt go on  many vacations, dad works grocery mom is a hair dresser, not a lot of time off ya know. But the summer before my sophomore year of hs we went to florida. The plan was to have a whole bunch  more people go with us than actually did, because someone i think got shingles and someone else’s baby was sick. So it was my parents, grandmother, uncle his girlfriend (they hadn’t gotten married yet), and her sister. Cue a recipe for disaster. My now-aunt, uncle, her sister and, grandma are in one condo, we are in another, like I said a lot more people were supposed to go. So the second day we’re down on the beach for a while, I’ve reapplied sunscreen a couple times cause i am WHITE, still wind up with a horrendous sunburn that some kid smacks when i get back to summer school. The now-aunt doesnt really wanna go do things with us or keeps trying to dictate what we’re gonna do. Mom and grandma get in a fight, what else is new though, and dad gets super pissed and says we’re leaving a day early after the now-aunt finds out she’s pregnant with my baby cousin (or more like toddler now, but there is 16 years between us he is a bab) while dad is super pissed im just lying facedown on my bed hating life because my back is so burned I have aloe on my back and holy fuck it hurts. Long story short we decided that if we were to ever go back it’d just be the three of us. 

Thanks for the ask hon! Hope you got a chuckle out of the florida story.

[whyldkratts]

for the ask meme: all of them, but if thats too much maybe just the last 10?

Sorry for the long post aaaa1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? [I bought lottery tickets bc I was in texas and they’re not legal where I live and the cashier at the gas station didn’t even ask for my id. I tried to show him and he just shook his head and let me go???? He didnt even care wtf]2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? [Nah]3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? [Yea a little bit. I mean if it was just occasionally that’s probably fine? But a lot of my family has fucked up their entire lives with drugs so anything like that is iffy for me. It depends on how often they smoke ultimately]4: Do you find it easy to trust others? [I’d say yeah, probably. As long as you don’t fuck me over or guilt me within the first few weeks of knowing me id probably feel comfortable messaging you if I needed someone to talk to]5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? [Scrolling Tumblr]6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? [Probably my irl bffs lindy and raven!]7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? [Dump them. Adios fucker. I hope they’re happy with whoever they cheated on me with]8: Are you close with your dad? [Yeah I’d say so? I love him and he usually let’s me do my thing]9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? [Nah]10: What are you listening to? [Run by hozier]11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? [Sweet tea!!!! I’m from the south baby]12: Do you like hickeys? [Never has one so I don’t know!]13: What time do you go to bed? [Uhhhhhh 5am?]14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? [My siblings.]15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? [Nope I fuck up spelling a lot and have to go back and fix it no matter how many hands I’m typing with]16: Do you always answer your texts? [I try!! Unless I’m emotionally tired or forget]17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? [No. She’s my best friend now, actually]18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? [LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO I was complaining about how long it car ride home is]19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? [My irlbest friends, the cars discord chat I’m in, and a lot of my wk friends]20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? [I was writing ducktales fanfiction in my head]21: Is anyone else in the room with you? [I’m in a car with my mom for the next uhhh 7 hours?]22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? [Karmas a bitch]23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? [I was visiting family in Indiana, so yea probably? Tho I am pretty happy now too]24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? [Sometimes, with my old pal cat. She did some bad things so I stopped talking to her, but sometimes I want to catch up and see how she’s doing.]25: In the past week, have you cried? [YEAH over a darkwing duck episode]26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? [Grey. It has Mickey mouse on it!]27: Do people ever call you by your last name? [Noooope]28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? [I wouldn’t know]29: Do you have a best friend? [YEAH everyone in the cars discord and raven and lindy]30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? [No it was my great grandma lol]31: Who was your last call/text message from? [Call: red cross asking for my blood. Text: raven saying “dang”]32: Are you mad at anyone? [Not really? I don’t get angry very easily at all]33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? [When I was a freshman I was dating a junior]34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? [My great grandma! 88 I think]35: How many more days until your birthday? [LIKE a whole entire year. August 2nd]36: Do you have any summer plans yet? [Help my friend after her spine surgery p much. Visit family around the 4th of july]37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? [I have tons of girl friends!! All my best friends are girls (except em but they’re a good friend still!!!)]38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? [Lindy doesn’t know I’m trans]39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? [Uhhhhhhhhhhh next question]40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? [I try not to regret things like that]41: Do you think age matters in relationships? [UH YEAH?? An adult dating a minor ain’t my deallll]42: Are you available? [Lmfao yeah but don’t hold your breath I’m awful at relationships]43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? [My ex and bff dksdkdiajsai kill Me. I’ve had small crushes but I don’t rly let them grow too much if I realize they’re poppin up]44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? [Septum]45: Do you believe exes can be friends? [Yeah!!!!! I just reconnected with my ex from freshmen year and he’s cool]46: Do you regret anything? [Times where my mouth moved before my head could think and I hurt someone I cared about. Times where I didn’t listen. Times where I hesitated. But the past is a different country, and I try not to waste the present lamenting what I could’ve done.]47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? [Home. And the mistakes I’ve made.]48: Did you ever lose a best friend? [Yeah. She moved away and we just… talked less, and less, and less.]49: Was your last kiss a mistake? [Nah it was my great grandma]50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? [They have a bf and also dont like me plus im unlovable and bad at relationships and feelings *shrug emoji* the other person I’m interested in lives too far away and also doesn’t like me like that]51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? [Twas my gg and probably when I was a baby]52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? [All these last kiss ones are so angsty and sad and it was literally my grandma 5 hours ago I’m laughing]53: What was the last thing you ate? [McDonald’s French fries!!!!!]54: Did you get any compliments today? [Nah I’m in my road trip attire so I look like a mess]55: Where are you going on your next vacation? [New Orleans in October for voodoo fest!! Gonna see the foo fighters B)]56: Do you own anything from other countries?[I think I have Canadian money somewhere…]57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?[girls!!]58: Where have you lived most of your life?[Sweet Home Alabama]59: When was the last time you took a long drive?[DOING IT RN!!!!! 13 HOURS]60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?[yea but it was like, mashed up with truth or dare. Instead of kissing we asked them truth or dare]61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?[nah I’m pretty mild]62: Who do you text the most?[raven probably? Or max]63: What was the last movie you saw?[spirited away I think??? First time I ever saw it]64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?[I’m single, don’t remind me :P]65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?[I was 12 and right smack dab in the middle of my ugly awkward phase (thays still going on today!) So I had none lmao]66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?[nah]67: Do you curse around your parents?[GOOD LORD NO]68: Are you happy with where you live?[I? Hate Alabama. My city is okay but I want to move somewhere nicer]69: Picture of yourself? [I have a selfie tag. I would upload but I’m lazy. Maybe if I find a pic I like later I will]70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?[polyamory All the wayy!!!!! But monogamy is cool too]71: Have you ever been dumped?[probably in elementary school but I don’t remember? I usually am the one to end it bc I get freaked out and skittish around people genuinely caring about me so I break it up before they’re disappointed]72: What do you most like about making out?[being comfortable and close enough with someone to do it.]73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?[yup!]74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?[depends? I’ve asked to kiss someone and I’ve been asked equal amounts.]75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?[eyes? Idk there’s a lot that goes into finding someone attractive it’s hard to narrow it down]76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?[my mom]77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?[virgin]78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?[virgin]79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?[Any cartoon character I’m currently hyperfixated on]80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?[yes. But i would go slow and I wouldn’t want to meet their child until we were both sure this was something we wanted long term.]81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?[no its usually me? Wait i take that back!! One girl did while I was in hs but I’m pretty sure she only did it bc she just figured out her sexuality and I was queer and there.]82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?[nope I bottle that shit up!!!! But if it’s a long standing crush I’ll tell a few people eventually]83: Do you miss your last sweetie?[No.]84: Last time you slow danced with someone?[my friend Franklin at prom. We pretended to be spies on a mission forced to act casual as we scoped out potential enemies]85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?[??? Don’t like the skeptical quote marks. I’ve been in long distance relationships before, yes.]86: How can I win your heart?[just like…… be nice to me, ever, and I’m into it. Talk about things you like, ask me about things I like, try and get into/understand my interests and I’ll do the same?? Don’t make fun of me and don’t belittle my interests. The bar is low]87: What is your astrological sign?[leo]88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?[sleeping]89: Do you cook?[pasta!!!!!!!]90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?[yeah!!! 3 years of no talking and I reconnected with max recently]91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?[uh it’s complicated. Yes but idk if I’m in a good place for a relationship. I haven’t even begun to transition at all.]92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?[you say that like I could get multiple people to date me]93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?[nice dress style?? Glasses are good too. Idk questions like this are hard augh]94: Name four things that you wish you had![money, a job, plush darkwing duck toy, a car]95: Are you a player?[no]96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?[nooooope]97: Are you a tease?[hahahahaha no]98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?[nope!!! Not yet]99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?[maybe. But I don’t think you can love someone too deeply who doesn’t love you back]100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?[sure, plenty]101: Hugs or Kisses?[both??? Both is good]102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?[It’s Not shyness, it’s rejection I have a problem with]103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?[girls are pretty]104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?[Yeah I guess]105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?[If it was an open relationship and everyone knew the situation, then yea prob?? If not, then no.]106: Do you flirt a lot?[not really]107: Your last kiss?[my grandmaaaaa]108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?[not in a romantic way]109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?[not in a romantic way]110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?[next question]111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?[nope!! It’s a hopefully nice surprise for future me]112: Does someone like you currently?[probably not lol but ive got no idea!!]113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?[sure]114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?[I want to fall in love.]115: Ever made out with just a friend?[yeah]116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?[in a relationship I think?]117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.[just send me an ask and ill answer it]

This got a bit of self hatred dashed in there whoops sorry!!!

[canonicallyanxious]

Tagged by @isakje. Thanks my dude <3

 Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 20 blogs you would like to know better. 

 a - age: 19 

 b - birthplace: Paris, France or like somewhere near there I'm not actually sure where exactly 

 c - current time: 12:15 am-ish 

 d - drink you last had: apple juice 

 e - easiest person to talk to: Cole my SO, my best friends from hs swathi and Hannah, my peeps in the sinnamon squad crystal and @boxesfullofyousana, @mouthfulofbirds 

 f - favourite song: Reprise by Grizzly Bear [my love is another kind] 

 g - grossest memory: my freshman year of college i went to the bathroom at 2 in the morning without my glasses on and so i did not see the vomit on the floor left by the drunk girl currently throwing up over one of the toilets and thus i stepped into it enthusiastically barefoot

 h - horror yes or horror no: HORROR NO 

 i - in love?: i guess

 j - jealous of people?: i try not to be but also i can be super fucking petty over the dumbest things so /shrug 

 k - killed someone?: no?????? 

 l - love at first sight or should I walk by again: i don't believe in love at first sight 

m - middle name: n/a [in english anyway] 

 n - number of siblings: zero 

 o - one wish: not to have student loan debt 

 p - person you called last: Cole 

 q - question you’re always asked: “Where are you REALLY from" lol 

 r - reason to smile: ALMOST DONE WITH FINALS 

 s - song you sang last: ?????? 

 u - underwear colour: gray? 

 v - vacation: imma be working all summer so probably not this year askdjnasdkja the last vacation i took was to Orlando like we went to Epcot which i liked and then the Kennedy Space Center which was AWESOME and then we went to the Salvador Dali museum WHICH WAS EVEN MORE AWESOME so that was enough vacation for me for the whole year lol 

 w - worst habit: the garbage shit heap that is my sleep schedule 

 x - x-rays: i don't understand this question 

 y - your favourite food: pizza?? Noodles???? Idk 

z- zodiac sign: Gemini 

 Twenty blogs is a lot aksdjnaskdnas

[therestisbest]

Meet the PhDiva, @Dissertating

I often receive direct messages asking if I am a bot. I am indeed a real person, and this is my story.

From my earliest days, I found the printed word fascinating and chose it over toys. My grandmother provided junk mail, which I promptly edited. I read early, choosing To Kill a Mockingbird off Grandma’s bookshelves when I was only 7 or 8. Obviously, school would provide me the penultimate stimulation and satisfaction, so it makes perfect sense that I would still find myself there (as a student) at age 48… and through age 55, as it turned out.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I completed a Bachelor’s in English at age 22 and took a job teaching HS English in a small town in Ohio. Little did I know that I would remain in that position for over 20 years, having married, had two sons, earned a master’s degree, divorced. When my younger son was a senior in HS, I worked on a project at the state department of education, which led to my seeking full-time employment there. It was time. I had taught nearly everyone in that small town and I was eager for a new challenge.

Choosing Career Change

I moved to the state capital, Columbus, and began work as an English Language Arts consultant. Before long I was promoted and became an official bureaucrat—a title I detested. Somehow, I had gotten myself the education job that took me as far as possible from students, and I was disheartened. A much younger colleague at the department felt similarly, and she suggested that we go back to school for our PhDs. “We have to battle the brain drain,” she insisted. So, we both enrolled part-time in Ohio State University’s PhD program in Educational Policy and Leadership.

What a challenge. In addition to my 40 hours per week with the department, I taught one night class each term in college writing. I couldn’t give that up because it helped fund my PhD classes, so I found myself taking one or two classes each term, teaching another, in addition to the full-time job commitment. Thus began my bag lady period. I organized my life into three bags: student, teacher, and bureaucrat… and each bag matched its role—a backpack, an oversized tote, and a briefcase all lived in my car’s trunk, along with a file box and other assorted office supplies. Keeping my bags separate helped me focus on the task at hand. While at work, my teaching and grad school work sat in my car. While teaching, I couldn’t be distracted by work commitments; while in grad classes, I had to be fully present.

Ohio State required its doctoral students to have one term of residency—meaning I had to be enrolled full-time, taking 10 credit hours. At the time, the university was still on the quarter system, so it meant only 10 weeks of a schedule cram packed from early morning to late night. I spoke with my supervisors at the department– we chose a summer term, as our workload there is lighter– and they allowed me to use personal time and vacation days to attend classes. I enrolled in one weeklong class that met from 8 am til 5 pm each day and showed up on day one in a bright floral blouse, wearing sunglasses. I welcomed the other class members to my vacation! It was a rough slog, no doubt, but I had the time and my brain yearned to learn.

This continued for four years, until I realized that I was nearing 30-years’ service and could consider retiring. A professor had already offered me a graduate assistantship, if and when I could go full-time, so I met with the appropriate parties, and set my retirement for June 30, 2011. The department honored me with a lovely breakfast party—but I never looked back. I had worked there 8 years.

Finding and Losing Academic Footing

With a monthly pension check plus the small graduate research associate stipend, I continued my PhD studies, and picked up a graduate interdisciplinary specialization. I felt in my element and fully enjoyed my full-time academic life. I earned high marks, received high praise for my writing, and confidently entered the “dissertating phase.” If you’ve read my blog, or my posts to Researcher Chronicles—you know that did not end well. While I was well-matched with an advisor whose interests aligned with mine (state education policy and its implementation), we had a tense relationship. He left me to my own devices, which I took at the time as an indication of his respect for me and my years of practical work in my area of study. Ultimately it led to my appearing in my dissertation defense like a deer in the headlights, an expression we use here in America to describe a deer caught crossing a highway as it meets up with oncoming traffic and certain doom. As the debacle drew to a close and the committee filed out, I sat across from my advisor whose first words were “This was as much my fault as it was yours.” We didn’t speak long; I refused to cry in front of him. I would revise and redefend. I had a year.

Pushing Forward to Success

I was totally unprepared for how this failure would affect me. I had failed big before (divorce)… but somehow this cut me to my heart. I do not fail academically. But I did. Adjusting to that reality took a while. I had a newborn granddaughter, though, and I offered myself as her Friday caretaker. She didn’t care if Nana had her PhD! Eventually, I looked into her eyes and realized that I should be an example to her. I had to try again. Though my dissertation had sat untouched for three months, I opened it up, and began anew.

I remember clearly reading through it one day and having a visceral reaction—my body tensed, I blushed deeply, and I realized that this was not at all defensible. Advisor misconduct aside, I took responsibility for the failure and plodded on. Having conducted a qualitative study, I dug back into the data and chose grounded theory as my methodology. It was my only way forward, as it allowed for hindsight driving one back into the data looking for new insights. I submitted a total of three revisions to my advisor, who in this iteration provided detailed feedback each time. (By that I mean 11 pages single-spaced in response to the first revision.) It was a brutal process, but I persisted. My second revision only merited 8 pages of feedback, so we were getting somewhere! The third… well, the substance of his email appears as one of the slides here. A few sentences assured me it was go time. The second defense: a success!

I received my degree at 55. I deliberately chose not to apply for tenure-track jobs because I did not need to. I could choose to do what I loved and I did. I teach both face-to-face and online (education and English classes), and I serve as developmental editor for Ohio State’s education journal, Theory into Practice. My littlest inspiration, granddaughter Eila, has been joined by baby Bea, just this year. My life is full.

So that is my story… what’s yours?

Since April 2015, I have maintained a Twitter feed to support graduate students and "dissertaters" on the road to PhD. @dissertating now has over 9,000 followers. Join us!

These paragraphs served as the core of a live motivational talk I gave 29 Nov 2018, hosted by @Editage.