#so basically you get not one but TWO horribly traumatized kids for the price of one! that surely won't be a problem later

[timey-fandom-stuff]

Have you ever heard of changeling the lost?

I could've sworn I recognized the name from somewhere but I couldn't place it, so I went ahead and looked it up! I'm not real familiar with it, but I think I've come across mentions of the game in passing once or twice. I did a little digging this time out of curiosity.

the concept sounds pretty neat, actually! I can always appreciate darker takes on classic fae stories. if I played DnD-style games I'd probably dig a campaign set there tbh.

[fellowstrangetownappreciator]

The Strange Case of The Strangetown Metamorphosis

There is a mysterious Sim that appears in Strangetown.

That's like saying "there is a fish that appears in the ocean", I know, so I'll be a little more specific.

They are an adult whose memories show inconsistencies with those of their family members. Something is missing!

Alright. That's also not saying much, that's like half of the premades in vanilla, non-clean hoods.

They are immediately recognizable by their appearance and, dare I say it, have distinguishing features unique to them.

Well, that also kinda fits everyone...

They feature in more than one installment of the series.

Again, not that helpful. I mean, almost everybody from the base game hoods is (for better or worse) represented in TS3 or TS4.

They appear in TS2 for PSP!

Hmm...

They are a member of a wealthy family connected to science and paranormal.

And...

They are somehow connected to (possible) cloning.

I imagine that now you’re probably rolling your eyes and asking: Why didn’t I just simply say I was going to talk about Bella Goth?

Because... I’m not!

It’s Loki Beaker. In this mini-essay I’m going to speak about Loki, what is the mystery around him, what hints are there and what are some of the theories and which one do I fancy.

It’s basically a routine round of the popular game “connect EAxis’ oversights and glue them together into a headcanon”.

So without further ado, let me introduce you to:

The Mystery of Loki Beaker!

0: Preface: Loki who?

“As soon as he perfects his latest invention, Loki is sure to get the recognition he knows he deserves. In the meantime, he keeps himself busy by trying to assemble a nuclear reactor out of common household items.”

On the first glance, Loki as a Sim seems quite straightforward. He is a Knowledge Sim with a very eccentric personality. All his trait points are in the extremes, as you can see:

He is a scientist, a competent one at that, as proven by his high career level and the fun fact that some of the game’s horrible machinery you can buy for Aspiration points is attributed to his creation.

(It explains why are the Beakers the only ones who have the stuff lying around by default. It is normal for a Strangetown family to own a non-buyable reward object or two but those are career rewards, the Beakers are the only one who canonically own Aspiration points rewards.)

Even though he knows his stuff when it comes to his profession, he is very corrupt and tests his questionable projects on his captive, Nervous Subject.

To say that Loki is unpopular would be an understatement. No one but his wife Circe likes Loki, even his own sister is indifferent towards him. Yes, he has a sister. Her name is Erin and she also lives in Strangetown with a colorful collection of roommates.

Nothing mysterious about him so far. (apart from his eyebrows)

1: Characterization fallen apart

And then The Sims 3 happened. It was actually quite late into the game’s life cycle, the early 2013, when a beautiful nordic-themed world was released on TS3 Store. Its name was Aurora Skies and it featured Loki, Erin and their parents.

TS3 Loki is a child and Erin is a toddler.

Now I haven’t actually played Aurora Skies. I own (and love) TS3 but the price range for the Store worlds is too high for me, content-to-money wise. So there might be some hidden clues about the Beakers in their house or relationship panels that I haven’t been able to inspect but... not to sound cynical but I doubt it. I doubt such attention was given to detail of this family in Aurora Skies, as they don’t even have individual bios.

But... that is... fine? I mean, we have Loki’s TS2 bio...

Nope. Sure we do. And it would be fine if hair color and ambitions weren’t the only thing Loki and his younger self (from now on referred to as smol Loki) had in common.

Let’s take a look on smol Loki’s personality.

The first noticeable thing is that there is not a trace of Loki’s trademark villainy. He’s not Mean Spirited, he’s not Evil, he’s not even a No Sense of Humor Sim. His extreme neatness and hyperactivity are nowhere to be seen either. While it is true that TS3′s capabilities of defining personality are very limited as it picks “outstanding points” rather than a position of each trait on a scale, and it only has 5 slots (and tiny teeny 3 for children), it doesn’t make any sense still for the devs not to pick some more loki-esque traits for the precious slots they had.

Unless...

They didn’t care about Loki’s personality and there were no deeper intentions.

Unless the devs were trying to purposefully show us new angles of his character that either got suppressed while he was growing up, or manifest in ways that TS2′s scale system wasn’t able to show.

Could the Lucky trait in particular have had something to do with the change?

(Also, those traits of smol Loki are reason why I usually go for a Family Secondary Loki in TS2 and thus make Strangetown the purgatory of two unstable blonde Knowledge/Family sciency guys.)

We also must not omit that even though smol Loki didn’t display any of them, he still had all of Loki’s signature traits in him, as Loki in TS2 has his actual personality synced with the genetic one, meaning that there was something in there that caused him not to act so mean that got lost as he grew up. In other words, something brought up the worst in him.

And that’s not all. Smol Loki is not a regular TS3 child. You see, in TS3, premade children aren’t particularly known for being highly skilled experts. Neither are in TS2, for that matter, and it’s okay. It’s realistic.

Smol Loki has a skill maxed.

It is very rare for a premade regardless of age to already start with a maxed skill and I personally don’t know of any other premade children that do.

And it’s writing.

What does writing have to do with Loki? Does Loki write? Probably he has to, those academic papers aren’t gonna spawn out of thin air, but that’s not what the writing skill in TS3 (or the hidden writing skill in TS2) are about. They’re about creative writing only.

Ok, ok. How high is Loki’s Creativity skill, then? In TS2, skills are much broader, they more resemble skillsets than individual skills, and writing categorizes under Creativity. Bring out the skill panel!

Two. He has 2 points in Creativity. That is... low. That is actually very low, especially for a Sim that has supposedly been writing for fun since childhood. (and was a prodigy, while we’re at it) It is safe to say, I think, that if the player doesn’t make him do it, Loki doesn’t write anymore and he hasn’t been doing that for a long, long time.

While I would cynically admit that the dissonance in personalities might be just the lack of damns given from EAxis’ side, this seems to me too on the nose to be unintentional.

They would have no reason to bring the Beakers back without the “evil scientists” thing in mind. I mean, that’s what they’re iconic for. That’s what they’re recognizable by. (apart from their eyebrows)

So the person who was in charge of creating smol Loki probably knew they were recreating “Loki the mad scientist”.

So when they were picking the skill they use to demonstrate that this kid is gonna go far, they thought... “evil scientist = writing”...?

I would understand going for Creativity in general. I mean, Loki’s an inventor. That comes with the territory. But creativity as such isn’t really a skill in TS3. It’s divided to different activities.

Wouldn’t it make more sense just in general to pick logic, then? I mean, Loki isn’t that extremely logical by default but it is his second strongest skill and a feature unmistakably connected to being a scientist.

That’s what leads me to believe that writing plays a role in the story and it was chosen on purpose.

So how did a sweet little family-oriented boy talented with words transform into the ruthless catboy inventor we know and love?

And that, my friends, is the mystery of Loki Beaker.

2: A closer look at our environmentalist friends, the Beakers

If we want to get the full picture and come to a satisfying conclusion of some sorts, we need to inspect smol Loki’s surroundings. Maybe there is a clue to the continuous force or a traumatic event that shifted smol Loki’s direction in life?

Loki’s and Erin’s parents are named Gundrun and Bjorn. Even though their age would still allow it, they’re not present at the start of TS2′s Strangetown play, they’re long dead. Bjorn died before Erin became an adult and Gundrun died shortly before her son’s engagement to Circe. Because they died by the time Loki had (presumably) already long enrolled in his current life-path, we can safely rule out any tragic early death of parental figures scenario as a possible answer.

Gundrun is the only Beaker that canonically also writes. She has 5 points in the writing skill. She also shares some traits with Loki, namely the smarts and ambition.

But she has little to do with science and is way more business-oriented which is a trait she shares with Circe’s ancestors, for example her father. Maybe the families knew each other from business ventures even before they moved to Strangetown? It is stated in their memories that Loki and Circe first met when they were children. But I digress!

Anyway, I don’t see anything in Gundrun that would suggest any abusive behavior towards her son that might have triggered his drastic change. Possibly but not necessarily she might’ve been a bit absent but nothing out of ordinary.

And now the father, Bjorn.

Bjorn is the sciency half of the couple and works as an Aquatic Ecosystem Tweaker. Again, he has zero traits that would raise any red flags and he shares 4 out of 5 traits with either smol Loki or Loki. (I don’t know if Loki is a “natural cook” but he cooks quite well, so I think that counts.)

What’s interesting about Bjorn, though, is his speech that serves as a flavor text for the Aurora Skies store page.

(Image transcript: “Do it for science! Science is everywhere around us, but at Aurora Skies it’s not just something you learn; it’s something you do!  We need bright young minds to make the dreams of the future a reality. Even now we’re finding more uses for garbage to help the planet. Charging batteries, powering machines - the sky is the limit. Just this last year we created a modified Hot Air Baloon using garbage as fuel and turning it into pure air with a pine breeze scent.  Now you can have efficient travel and an amazing romantic adventure with no cost to the ozone (or your nose)! Every year we’re creating more and more exciting things in the world of science. Garbage-powered hearts, heart-powered cars, solar-powered cats; what will you think of next!  It’s all up to you. Do it for Science! Did you know? Hot Air Balloons are an epic form of travel based around the simple principle that hot air is lighter than cold air.  They lift in the air based on the heat system in the balloon. Increasing the temperature of the air inside the balloon makes it lighter than the air outside and the balloon begins to float.  More air is required to lift heavier things; that’s why the balloons have to be so huge! How cool (or hot!) is that?”)

From this piece of text we can see Bjorn’s passion and dedication to “green” science. Nothing in his traits suggests he fakes it, so I think it’s safe to believe that this peppy idealist is a glimpse into Loki’s father’s genuine self.

He might have encouraged his children to follow in his footsteps (”We need bright young minds to make the dreams of the future a reality.“) and smol Loki, who later in life seemed to have similar levels of enthusiasm (science is his One True Hobby), might have been receptive to that.

Now just close your eyes for a second and imagine an alternate reality in which Loki picked up where Bjorn left and instead of a energy-refilling machine that electrocutes you if you’re not happy enough, he invented “solar-powered cats”.

Still no hints on what could’ve messed Loki up, though.

Let’s take a look at the parents in TS2. Even though they’re not present and aren’t even resurrectable, they’re still coded in the game for purposes of genetics, memories and family trees, so some of their characteristics are salvageable.

And by the Watcher, they were both Romance Sims.

They were workaholic Romance Sims who cared about the environment and liked recycling (and Hot Baloons).

And they were both extremely Nice and very Sloppy, if their personalities on wiki are something to go by. Which they unfortunately aren’t, at least not completely because most ancestors don’t simply have “their own” personalities and use presets instead, so they tend to be quite similar.

The same goes for most of the Beaker clan, unfortunately. Fun fact is that there is no Knowledge Sim in sight (before Loki, of course). Maybe they weren’t a scientist family, but a bunch of Romance Sims who used to spend their free time in between woohoos saving the planet with eco-science. (3 out of 6 of Loki’s and Erin’s ancestors were Romance Sims, 2 were Fortune and 1 was Family)

But! There is one outlier. Her name is Gertrude Beaker. She is Loki’s paternal grandmother.

And similarly to her grandson, she certainly has a personality to remember.

She doesn’t use a preset, this is a personality that someone went and manually assigned (...or generated) for her. And she is Neat, Outgoing and doesn’t have a nice bone in her body. But unlike Loki, she has a sense of humor (which makes her even more dangerous, in my opinion) and is extremely Lazy.

She is a Fortune Sim and the only Beaker who shares the darker sides of Loki’s personality. (to be clear, I don’t mean their taste for cleaning but the round 0 of Nice points)

Because she doesn’t feature in TS3 at all, it is safe to say that she wasn’t in her grandchildren’s lives until the family moved to Strangetown. Could she be the corrupting influence on smol Loki?

As far as personality comparison goes, she seems to be the only possible culprit, the only one who’s personality shares the same unpleasant qualities he became infamous for. But! That’s not saying much. There is no evidence she actually did anything.

There’s not even any evidence that she ever met her grandson, given he has no memory of her dying which means she might have died before he was even born. That would be a solid evidence on the contrary and would rule her out. But I’m leaving some maneuvering space for theories here because she is the only Beaker ancestor with custom personality, after all, and that is suspicious.

That’s all the Beakers we know of if not counting Atom and Ceres, who came after Loki, so they’re not relevant to the question of his childhood. Or... are they?

3: And that’s when the trouble began

Another part of this question that might help us discern what happened to Loki is the when. All we know so far is that there is a big void of unknown between smol Loki and regular Loki and the point of transformation happened in there somewhere.

Thankfully, we have something to give us an idea. It’s this snapshot in storytelling pictures for the Beakers:

It shows smol Loki destroying a dollhouse. It seems to be in an impersonal environment of some sorts. The cheapest bed in the game is against a bare white wall, the window is hid behind blue curtains and there doesn’t really seem to be anything else but the dollhouse, a teddy bear in the background and that... very unpleasant bed.

It clearly tells us that Loki’s shift started in his pre-teen years.

And seeing that room which is definitely not in the Beaker Castle at 1 Tesla Court, it makes me think of a hotel or a cheap apartment the family was staying in while moving from Aurora Skies to Strangetown. Maybe the castle-like something the household inhabits at the start of the game wasn’t a property of the Beakers at all, maybe that was where the Salamises used to live and now it belongs to Circe?

Anyway, could it had been leaving Aurora Skies that sent smol Loki down an existential crisis and settling in the not exactly welcoming environment of Strangetown, enrolling in a local school, that sealed it?

But why all the stuff with writing? This would work with any other hobby but somehow it had to be writing and it’s our task to find out why.

4: Not your average tragedy

Now in our search we already have some ideas but it wouldn’t be thorough if we didn’t take into account smol Loki’s actual personality. I mean, we went into what traits he doesn’t have but what about those he has?

Namely Lucky and Family-Oriented.

I think Lucky is a very interesting choice. There’s nothing inherent about Loki Beaker that would make you go “that’s one lucky guy!” (if you don’t count his relationship with Circe as a stroke of luck, that is) and the same goes for smol Loki.

But... it could be a clue. His metamorphosis either couldn’t be triggered by trauma because he’s lucky and it would avoid him, or it must’ve been something tremendously horrid so he’s lucky he’s still alive.

Now we know we are searching for something that happened in his late childhood, verging on the start of his teenage years. His family was going through the turmoil of moving to a desert and he has already known his future partner Circe. Meanwhile Erin-

Oh, wait. Erin.

Smol Loki was Family-Oriented which implies he would probably have a good relationship with his little sister, as he would’ve naturally inclined to protect her and help his parents take care of her. But!

Not only do they have an amicable but distant relationship as adults but Erin seems to forget that Loki even existed in her childhood.

He has the usual set of memories of a sibling growing up well but she doesn’t, she has no Loki-related memories at all, not even of his marriage, which was a quite recent event.

Could the reason for Loki’s “downfall” be somehow related to his sister? Was there a dramatic event in which she lost a part of her memory?

5: Theories!

Ok, we’re finally here! Now I try to present some theories about what might’ve happened.

1. Burdens of the golden child

In Aurora Skies, Loki used to be the little wonder every relative was gushing about. With his father as an acclaimed scientist and a very liked person in general, there was little to no adversity his son had to face. He followed his passion and having nobody to really compare himself to, nor anybody who would terrorize him, he prospered.

But then the Beakers moved. Strangetown was... different. It was way smaller than Aurora Skies, so everybody inherently knew everybody and everybody had to interact with everybody... because the small space of a desert community didn’t leave them with any choice. And it was bleak and unfriendly. No one except for the Salamises knew the Beakers, so they found themselves under scrutiny from their new neighbors.

So Loki, who used to live thinking he was unique, was now sitting everyday in a much smaller classroom with Pascal and Vidcund Curious, whom he was immediately being compared to. But he wasn’t like the Curiouses. He was a kid of a scientist but wasn’t a science kid. He didn’t have much in common with Pascal who approached him and tried to befriend him at first but he wanted to. In Strangetown, nothing seemed to be cooler than being really, really into science. Pascal’s and Loki’s communication attempts were rather poor, though, and in the end, they never made friends. Loki slowly began to disdain the oldest Curious boy and it culminated a few years later in high school when Pascal made an attempt to woo Circe. It was even worse with Vidcund. Ever since Loki’s first day at the new school, Vidcund had been eyeing him with a disgusted look and Loki became quick to reciprocate.

In Strangetown, nothing seemed to be cooler than being really, really into science. Even Circe was on it! She was the only person his age he has know in Strangetown before his family moved in and he liked her. Not “like” liked her, yuck! But he thought she was cool. Her family used to visit the Beakers in Aurora Skies and they played together. She was a friend! Or so Loki thought. She seemed to like hanging out with the Curiouses much more.

In Strangetown, nothing seemed to be cooler than being really, really into science, yes. But not in the eyes of Buzz Grunt, the son of a general who lived in Strangetown. Their family were the self-proclaimed protectors of the hood but at the same time they weren’t shy to show a strong distaste for all that made Strangetown an important desert settlement in the first place. And little Buzz, although Loki doubted he understood the nuances, was very fond of asserting his dominance over his less sporty and hyper-masculine classmates.

Suddenly jealous of the Curious brothers, under pressure from both the adults and his peers comparing him to them and bullied by Buzz, Loki’s social life fell apart. He started having problems... and he came up with solutions. He has always liked science but from back then on he hyperfixated on it to prove everybody who picked on him for being a worthless parody of a science kid wrong.

Not only his social life and self-confidence were busted, though. Moving away from Aurora Skies to Strangetown that had much higher prices for housing because of the limited space, the living standards for the Beakers lowered. It was chaotic and uncomfortable. Plus, almost everybody in Strangetown was loaded. Why, Circe and her parents lived in a small castle! Loki felt like they’re the only “poor” family around and it played into his new-found insecurities.

And then there was Erin’s accident. She suffered a severe head injury and even though she fortunately survived, she was never... the same. She had issues with her memory. Loki tried to convince himself that he’s big enough not to cry but when they were visiting Erin in the hospital and she didn’t recognize him, he cried. It was his little sister! And... it was all his fault anyway! If he was quicker and pushed her to safety, she would’ve been fine! Or even better, he wished the car would’ve hit him instead.

Loki was becoming more and more snappy, focused on his grades and projects, unavailable. The siblings never mended their relationship, Erin, even though she recovered, never got to make new memories with her brother. Not remembering them growing up together, he was like a stranger to her. A scary mean teenage boy she didn’t know and, even though she was a very friendly child, she was too intimidated to willingly spend time with him. And Loki was always busy and moreover, he felt guilty and inexplicably angry, so he postponed approaching her, until it was too late, he was in college, she was in high school and it was too awkward.

And... there was no time to write anymore.

2. Gertrude the Neat and Mean (and Lazy)

Ok, Loki doesn’t have any memories of his grandma. But hear me out! Erin does not have any of him either and yet they met. This theory doesn't require any additional write up – he simply got under the influence of his 0 Nice points granny and she cultivated him to be just like her.

My personal take: This is maybe my least favorite theory of them all, even though it is quite straightforward. It doesn't take much into consideration and demonizes Gertrude, who as far as we know, might not done anything wrong.

3. The accident

This theory takes advantage of TS3's canon sciency machinery, namely Cerebralizing Brain Enhancing Machine 2.0.

It can, among other things, change a Sim's personality. There is (quite unfortunately, in my opinion) no chance of consequential failure in the actual game, the most it can do is to (non-fatally) electrocute your Sim. But...

Imagine smol Loki sneaking into his dad's laboratory, most probably at his workplace.

He was curious. Ever since his father showed him all the equipment in there, all he could think of was the machine that made people smarter.

Maybe it could make him smarter?

I mean, Loki knew he was already quite smart. At least, he's been told he was and he had no reason not to believe it.

But he could be even smarter.

He could be like his dad. Or his mom. Or Erin. Everyone was talking about how clever young Erin seemed. Loki was proud of her but part of him just wanted that, too.

So what if... he went to dad's laboratory, just for a little while, and made himself smarter?

He made all the necessary preparations. It meant to memorize dad’s schedule, so he knew just the time when he could sneak into the laboratory. It also meant to get a good costume so he won’t be recognizable on the security footage!

And then finally, he was ready. To infiltrate the laboratory was easy enough but it only made Loki more nervous. He was on the edge but determined. He wanted to make it big in the world. He needed to seize the opportunity. And fear... fear was there to be ignored! Hands, stop trembling!

His confidence grew a bit once he got to the machine itself. He knew how to run it thanks to his dad and it made him feel competent and ready.

Little did he know that there was a huge oversight. Although Loki could operate the technology on a very basic level, his knowledge went nowhere near deep enough for him to detect that the machine has yet another set of settings and those currently expect an adult user. It wasn’t configured for a child patient.

But unaware of that, the boy in his patchy dinosaur costume climbed on top of the machine and with his eyes wide open and his heart racing he connected the Brain Enhancer to his system. Then, with his hand sweating, he pushed a button on a remote he was clutching to.

When Bjorn, alerted by Loki’s screams, rushed into the laboratory, it was way too late.

As his terrified father was calling the ambulance, the child was alive and even still awake. He was too weak to cry. He just watched Bjorn, wishing for death and looking for signs of wrath in father’s eyes.

There were none. Only fear.

Physically, Loki Beaker managed to recover just fine. With the power of advanced medicine and plastic surgery, the burns he suffered were reduced to nothing but almost invisible scars.

But inside, he was never the same. Literally. Even though the procedure backfired horribly, it still worked to some extend - but even that extend was warped. Loki succeeded in giving himself the Genius trait but several of his traits were replaced also, including the Lucky trait that probably saved his life.

6: Conclusion!

I like Loki very much. (no sh*t, who would’ve guessed) He’s a very controversial and over-the-top character who tends to be rather unpredictable in the actual gameplay. I started writing this giant thing to find an answer to his backstory that would satisfy me and hopefully also some of you.

With a heavy heart I conclude I’m not successful.

First I have to admit I originally planned to present 5 theories instead of 3 but I scrapped 2 of them.

First was about Atom time traveling and replacing Loki, creating himself again and again in a time loop (would explain the huge personality difference between smol Loki and Loki-Atom) and it was very far-fetched but fun, alas I realized it was out of character for Atom, since he seems to love his sister and his Plumbot so much he would hardly leave them behind to pull that off.

The second was about Nervous and the corrupting power of Death he has inside that would slowly drive Loki and Circe “evil” even though it’s unclear whether they first adopted him with being a lab-rat in mind. But it would not make sense since a change like that would be visible on their personality panels. That’s not that important, though. What made me not include this theory is that it feels uncomfortably victim blame-y. It’s not directly since it wouldn’t be Nervous’ fault anyway but any attempt to shift the blame from Loki and Circe in this situation feels uncomfortable.

(To be clear, I don’t think the Beakers deserve demonization. In my opinion, the best way to treat them narrative-wise is like eccentric people capable of feeling love and doing good things sometimes, yet irredeemably self-centered, morally bankrupt and deserving a lifetime in jail for child abuse they have done on Nervous. Not one-dimensional but still villains and still objectively bad people.)

And those 3 theories above? They could’ve been better.

I think I like the first the most, even though I still feel like something is missing. I just tend to like relatively grounded explanations and this one doesn’t feature the supernatural nor any deus ex machina gadget.

What about you? And do you have any other theories? Sky’s the limit! It’ll make my day to hear them!

Whatever your takes are, they’re all valid.

[formerprincess]

A tale written with fangs and claws || Chapter 58

Chapters: 58/? Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken, Corey Bryant/Mason Hewitt Characters: Liam Dunbar, Theo Raeken, Mason Hewitt, Corey Bryant, Nolan (Teen Wolf) Additional Tags: Alpha Liam Dunbar, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, Dunbar Pack, Bisexual Liam Dunbar, Werewolf Theo Raeken, Alpha Theo Raeken, Canon-Typical Violence, Smut, Mates, Liam and Theo are mates, Top Theo Raeken, Bottom Theo Raeken, Top Liam, Bottom Liam Dunbar Series: Part 1 of Morning Dew Pack

Liam has to take care of a very important matter. And there is an invitation...

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Liam immensely enjoyed working for Ellie. She was happy to show him her craft, teach him things, but she was also very easygoing, and as long as she saw him trying, she loved him and was thrilled with his performance. Also, Ellie knew about the supernatural, so she completely understood when he looked at his phone after it chimed with a text, just in case his pack needed him. Not that anything had come up in the few weeks since Liam started working for her, but he liked to have this option. He didn't have to hide anything, and Liam realized how much better he felt with that.

When work was slow, they talked about a lot of things and Ellie taught Liam some things about supernatural creatures. She had laughed loudly at the story about the fairies in their garden and proceeded to elucidate the different variations of fairies and elves. There were plant fairies, water fairies, sun fairies, and almost that many elves classes. Just like there were different weres out there. Liam felt kind of silly he didn't know about any of this and one day voiced his thoughts. Was he simply ignorant or just blind?

"Neither. You're from a town where none of those things exist. Don't blame yourself for that", Carlie said. Carlie was one of Ellie's three best friends, the other two being Libby and Simone. All three were at Ellie's age and the friends had a weekly meeting at the shop where they sat together, talked about their lives, drank tea or coffee, and ate cookies. Carlie herself was a petite woman with short spiky hair and big square glasses. From what they had told Liam upon first meeting, they all were elves but Liam secretly suspected Carlie of being a pixie. She was cheeky, witty, always said what was on her mind, and her eyes sparkled with mischief. Needless to say, Liam liked her. "Yeah, but I also feel like I should know more." "You know enough. About Onis and Berserkers and Kitsunes and hell and other terrible things. You're twenty. Most guys your age know how to party and wear their base caps the wrong way." She bit into a cookie. Liam laughed. "My boyfriend likes to wear his caps the wrong way. He looks hot with it. But he also knows other things." "You have so much time to learn still. Don't worry. Even we old ladies don't know about any supernatural being out there", Simone comforted him and filled her cup with some more tea. She was the opposite of Carlie; tall, thin, and the quietest of the bunch. "I also agree with Carlie, you know about terrible things, traumatic things, things one should not know about. Especially not this early in life. But unfortunately, trauma is also experience. " Liam made a face. He sat down on the armrest of one of the chairs Ellie had placed around. "I just could have lived without some of those experiences. I mean, I could have gone without the experience of being homeless but hey. Maybe that's just me." Ellie put her arm over the backrest of her chair and turned to look at Liam. "When have you been homeless?" They talked about a lot of stuff but Liam's life story, she only knew parts of it. Good parts. He didn't want to deliver sob story after sob story. Liam had a good life, he knew some people had it worse. He cherished that. Now he exhaled loudly through his nose and then he told the four women how the hyenas came into town and caused havoc, how they finally destroyed the house and left the pack picking up the pieces. He ended with the move to the new house.

After he finished, his listeners were shocked. "You experienced all this and you still find it in yourself to be such a happy and polite young man?" Libby asked in awe. She was usually full of life and laughed loudly, her afro curls always bouncing around her round face, but now she was stunned. Liam shrugged. "What's the option? Turning bitter? It worked out in the end. Doesn't mean I will ever forgive them for what they did but no one died, at least." "You are a terrific young man, Liam", Ellie praised. He smiled softly. "Thank you."

The store door opened and Angela, Ellie's oldest daughter, stepped into the shop. She was a lawyer and used her breaks to visit sometimes. She greeted everyone happily and hugged her mother. Liam ran to get her a fresh cup and dragged another seat to their circle so he should sit and interact with the group. She squeezed his arm in a silent thank you as she sat down and accepted the cup. "What were you guys talking about? Is everything okay?" She asked good-heartedly. "Liam just told us about those horrible, horrible hyenas who destroyed his house" Libby filled her in. Angela raised both eyebrows. "I hope none of you were harmed." "Everybodys fine. We managed to get out in time before the house exploded. I'm just grateful I got my brother out of town before it happened." "Oh, you have a brother? I didn't know that." Angela loved kids and had specialized in family rights. She claimed she liked to help kids get justice. "Hm." Liam nodded. He walked to the cash register where he left his phone and while he walked back searched through his pictures. "Landon. He's almost ten." She showed her and the rest of the women the picture and they all cooed how much alike the brothers looked. "You said you brought his out of town? So I take he's usually living with you? Your parents must appreciate such a tight brother's bond." Angela was surprised but happy. Liam hesitated. "Landon's not my mother's son. We're half brothers. Same dad. Well, father. Sperm donor. My biological father is...he's a piece of shit. Alcoholic. Abuser. You get it. I didn't even know Landon existed until we met months ago by a pure coincidence. The circumstances don't matter but in the end, Theo and I took him home with us. Not a chance I would have let him stay with that man. So he lived with us in the house. Until I brought him to the lake to keep him safe. He lives there now." Liam missed Landon terribly but they were all still so young, they could not care for a child properly. Byron and Lana were perfect for that task and Landon also liked them. He blinked. "But enough of sad stories. Let's talk about something different, okay?"

****** He was cleaning up after Ellie's friends had left. After he had basically pleaded for a change of topic, the talk had revolved around lighter topics and ended on a very funny note. Now Ellie was in the back, doing some accounting, and Liam manned the front of the store. Angela was the only one still there. Now she stepped to the cash register where Liam was currently filling some jars with bagged candy. "I'm going to tell you something, not as a friend but as a lawyer, okay? And I need you to listen." She looked serious and Liam tensed. What happened? "Did I do something wrong? Is your mother mad at me?" "No. But listen." She tapped both index fingers on the counter. "You need your biological father to sign his rights over to you as fast as possible. What you said about him, having him in Landon's and your life is dangerous and not good for either of you. So you need to act fast. Have him make you Landon's legal guardian." Liam frowned. "I planned on doing so once I turned twenty-one. I wasn't aware I can do it now. Thought I had to be twenty-one." Angela shook her head strictly. "No. You need to do it now. In most states, anyone who is eighteen years old can become a guardian. Look, who tells you your father agrees to it in a year? He still holds guardianship and can make decisions for your brother. If he does not sign over his rights, he has so much time to cause harm. You said Landon's almost ten. That means another eight years of having the right to decide about medical procedures, school enrollment, the living situation. Even if Landon stays with you, all it takes is somebody checking who is the legal guardian for Landon. Could be school, could be a doctor's office, or if he gets in trouble it could be the police. If he's in the hospital. For eight years, you have to always fear for this to happen. If your father does not sign his rights over." "If he does not do it on his own, I will take him to court." Angela shook her head even more firm this time. "Honestly? They will ask you where Landon lived for the past year. Legally, what you and Theo did was kidnapping. If you manage to get a strict judge, that alone will cause you to lose the case. Landon will get sent back to his father and you're probably not even allowed to see him. I told you, I'm not telling you this as a friend. As your friend, I understand why you did it, as a lawyer I have to inform you about this likely possibility. The only chance you have is to have your father make you his guardian." It was a hard pill to swallow and Liam gulped. He had been naive, he realized now, and considered it all easier than it was. And maybe Landon had to pay the price for his neglect. "Thank you, Angela", he mumbled sadly.

****** Liam sat in his car and watched the house across the street. The sun was beating down and these barren landscapes made the air even drier. The dusty roads stirred up sand whenever a car raced by. Bleak. He cast a look at the passenger seat. All documents he needed were laying there, including a pen. Now all that Liam was left to do, was get out of the car, walk up to the door, and get a signature. Angela's stern talk from days ago had left Liam rallied. Once he was home, he had told Theo about everything and the couple had to admit them taking Landon out of the house had been a stupid move from the legal point of view. They had emotions get the better of them and now this potentially harmful situation had arisen. Theo had supported Liam in whatever was needed to ensure he would become Landon's guardian but the Beta was also not a lawyer and as much at loss as Liam.

Thank god for Angela. She had helped Liam set up the documents Emmet had to sign and those documents Liam grabbed now when he exited the car. Theo was not with him, his boyfriend didn't even know Liam was here. Nobody knew. This, Liam felt, was something he had to don his own. Maybe to find a deserving ending. Maybe to test his control. Or maybe this was stupid but then again, Liam could proudly admit he was doing stupid crap now and then. Stiles, according to his own claim, could show Liam a list.

He let out a shaky breath when he walked through the unkempt front lawn. Some new beer bottles and cans had gathered around the chair. Emmet was not there but Liam heard his heartbeat through the ajar window. You're not going to kill him, Liam. He does not deserve you getting your hands dirty. Liam knocked at the door. Inside the house, he heard some bottles falling and Emmet's slurred voice mumbling.  Then scuffling steps and the door opened. And the young Alpha had to gasp and take a step back. "God, you stink!" The stench of booze, beer, and sweat made him almost gag. Disgusting, his man. "You. What do you want?" Emmet slurred angrily and grabbed the door for support. Liam turned his head away and took a few breaths. He willed his nausea down and turned to face his father. "How long have you been drinking, alkie?" "What do you care? Why are you even here? I don't want you." "Trust me, I don't want you either. But I need something from you and that means I have to come here. I would rather be somewhere else, believe that." "What? Want money for the little gremlin? I'm not giving you a dime." Emmet swayed on his feet. "I don't need your money. Go inside, before you fall flat on your face. I'm not catching you." Liam pointed inside the house. His father made a step towards him. "I should beat the crap out of you for talking to me like that and not stop til you're whimpering. Do you know who I am?" "A sorry excuse for a worm." Liam pushed his biological father by the shoulder and he stumbled back. As drunk as he was, he didn't stand a chance against an Alpha.

Emmet was taken by surprise but managed to catch himself at the table. He spewed a few curse words in Liam's direction before he shuffled around and fell on one of the chairs with the grace of a sack filled with potatoes. Liam closed the door and followed inside. His nose twitched and he wanted to retch at the smell and how dirty everything was but he kept himself from it last minute. This was not for him, this was for Landon. "How's your mother? Still wailing about how horrible I am? The slut should be lucky an honest man wanted her." "My mother is neither a slut nor are you an honest man. Don't mention her or I break your nose." Liam felt his anger building up. This was a test for his control and he might fail it. "Piss off! She's the reason you're such a weak bastard. Wonder what happened with the other one. He's just as weak. Cried whenever I hit him. Begged me to stop. Just like you. Oh, I remember you. Your mother screamed and cried when the ambulance came. I would have left you on the ground. Would have taught you a lesson." "I didn't need a lesson, I needed a father who loved me!" Liam slammed the papers on the table. "Here! Sign this!"

Emmet grabbed it after a few tries and dragged it over the table. He narrowed his eyes at the print. "What should I sign?" "Those are the papers for you to make me Landon's legal guardian. Sign and we're out of your hair forever." Liam balled his hands and felt his fingertips itch. His claws wanted to come out, his wolf furious at the man in front of him. Years of pent-up rage welled up and dared to spill over. He could kill Emmet and probably nobody would shed a tear. Laughter disrupted his thoughts. Emmet had left the papers on the table and laughed. It boomed in Liam's ears. His blood rushed through his veins. This man was mocking him. "If you really think I'm signing this crap, you're mistaken. Know why? Because you bastard want me to and you get nothing from me!" Emmet was still laughing but decided to underline his words by spitting in Liam's direction. It landed on the carpet between them. His claws almost broke through and he was ready to lunge but a voice in his head stopped him. No. Not like this. Not him. Maybe it was his wolf who was even stronger than Liam's human side burdened with IED but it was enough to make Liam pause. If you kill him, you'll never become Landon's guardian. Keep the little one safe.

Liam exhaled loudly through his nose and closed his eyes for a second. If even the animal inside him knew better, he would follow. Had to follow. All for his little brother. Landon didn't deserve a murderer for a hero. He opened his eyes and stared at Emmet. Suddenly Liam was seven again, cowering at the floor while his father screamed at him and walked closer and closer. He had put his arms up back then, in a feeble attempt to shield his body from the hits, and pleaded for the man to stop. Fear. Panic. Pain. But this time Liam didn't feel panicked. He was not afraid of this drunkard calling himself a father. Instead, Liam felt disgust and maybe even pity. This guy had nothing to live for. It gave the young Alpha a strange sense of calm. Out of the two of them, Liam was the better man. The better person. IED or not. The condition didn't rule him as much as it ruled his father, and Liam had quite a lot more on his plate.

He sat at the opposite of the table and took the pen in his hands. "And why wouldn't you? What's in it for you? Just to be petty? Just to put one over on me?" Emmet snickered. "It will bug you forever, that's good enough for me." He reached for a bottle of booze and uncorked it to take a swig. Liam glared at him. Then he put the pen down. His glance landed on his bracelet. The bracelet he shared with Theo. Suddenly, he got an idea. Maybe it was time to see if he could take a book out of Theo's playbook. He raised his head and crossed his arms on top of the table. "Okay, fine, don't sign. We will play your game. I will send Landon back to live here." Emmet eyed him. "You're bluffing." "Not at all. He will come and live with you again. But be aware. I will be around every damn day." "And then what? What will you do? Punch me? You're no match for me", Emmet sneered. "If you lay so much as one finger on him, and we both know you will, I will call the cops on you. They will come and they will arrest you for domestic violence. And yes, Landon may be sent to foster care but I will make sure you will be sent to prison. There is no booze, no beer, no schnapps in prison. But the people there love people who abused kids. I know people and I will make sure every inmate knows what you did to two little boys. That's what will be awaiting you. No freedom to get wasted like you're doing now every day. Think about it." His biological father still eyed him suspiciously. "No way you would ever let him live here again." "To get you locked up, I would do other things. Landon too, by the way. All to make sure you will rot in hell. He's tough, he will take whatever you might to do him. Maybe I will move in as well. One happy family. With me comes my boyfriend, obviously. By the way, how's your hand?" He looked at Emmet's fingers wrapped around the neck of the bottle. Father and son stared at each other, accessed each other until Emmet snorted. "Your mother raised you better than this. I call bluff. You don't have it in you, weak shit!" A cold, dangerous smile appeared on Liam's face and he leaned closer. "You call my mom a slut and other horrible names, yet you forget I also inherited DNA from you. We both have IED. Wanna find out how much more alike we are? If I'm as cruel as you are?" He gave his father a death glare. "You want to start a war? I'll raise you World War III. Your choice. Either don't sign and feel the whiplash or sign and you will never have to see us again." Liam placed the pen on the papers and waited. His heart was thundering inside his chest. That was not his usual way to carry on negotiations and he had no idea if it worked. Theo made it always seem so easy and pulled it off without a hitch. But Liam knew he was not that good. Emmet grabbed the pen and fiddled with it. He scribbled his signature at the marked fields, an unruly chicken scratch but his signature nonetheless. "Get the hell out of here. If I see you on my front lawn again, I will shoot you." Liam's hand shot towards and he pulled the documents towards himself after the last signature was done. "I have better people to be around than you. Give your liver a break once in a while." He got up just in time as Emmet's hand shot towards his throat. The alcoholic missed by far and his hand thumped on the table. "Fuck off, you piss baby!" The sound of the splintering bottle hitting the wall was the last thing Liam heard from his father when he now left the house without so much of a goodbye.

It only dawned on him what just had transpired when he was in his car and already on the road. Liam stopped at a red light and breathed a sigh of relief. "Holy shit!" He had faced Emmet Dunbar, that one man he hated with a burning passion, the one who had made his childhood horrible and hurt Liam, Ilona, and Landon so much. Against what he had wanted to do to him, Emmet had left the meeting completely without a cut, Liam was incredibly proud of himself. Even though now, that everything settled, his hands shook and his heart raced, adrenaline pumping through his body. That had the potential to go so, so wrong and yet Liam stood tall. He glanced at the papers safely sitting on the passenger seat. Not only had it worked out without Liam losing his temper, but it had also really worked and he was Landon's guardian. The threat of Emmet interfering with their lives and taking Landon away again was erased. Liam wanted to cry.

His phone chimed and Liam almost hit another car. "Jesus Christ!" He accepted the call over the speaker. "Hey, Theo." "Hey. Say, just out of curiosity, where the hell are you? Nobody knows where you left. It's not like you to disappear like that. What's going on." Liam bit his lip. "I was at Emmet's." "Emmet? Emmet Dunbar? Your father? What the fuck! Is he still alive?" "Shh, let me explain. I told you about what Angela said and I went to get his signature. Yes, he's still alive, I didn't touch him. Even though I wanted to." He heard Theo closing a door and birds singing in the background. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have accompanied you." Yeah, good question. Liam didn't know for sure. "I guess...I needed to burn this bridge alone? Prove to myself I can stay calm around him. I'm not like him in any capacity and while I know you and I absolutely adore you for always being there for me, this was something I had to do alone. You understand? Maybe for my own peace of mind, I dunno." Theo was silent for a few moments. "Yeah, I understand", he finally confessed. "Did it work, at least?" A smile broke out on Liam's face. "Yep. Have all the signatures I need. Thanks to you as well." "Thanks to me? What did I do?" "Well, let's say you're a good teacher, even if you don't want to be one. I'll tell you everything once I get home, okay?" Theo laughed. "Okay. Love you." "Love you too."

****** Landon's face appeared on the screen in front of Liam and as soon as he had a picture, the child waved animatedly. "Hello, Liam!" Videocalls were a good way to keep in contact even if they could not see each other in person. Liam happily waved back. "Hey, Landon, how are you?" "I'm good. Zack and I built a fort." Landon launched himself into a story of all the things his best friend and he had done. Lana and Byron appeared in the background of the call but they simply waved and let the boy talk. Liam put his chin in the palm of his hand and listened with a smile. Seeing Landon so carefree and hearing about him being a normal child was all he ever wanted. It came nine years too late and Liam knew his brother must have been affected one way or another by his upcoming but now that he was out of Emmet's claws, Landon was in for an amazing life. After he was done, Landon asked about Liam's life in Seattle. Now it was the older's turn to talk about college, his pack, the fairies (Landon loved this part and he asked thousands of questions). Theo had joined Liam for a while and laughed softly. "He's like you", he whispered into his mate's ear and kissed Liam's cheek before he disappeared out of the frame again after a wave in Landon's direction. Liam chuckled but then he finished his story. "One more thing, Landon. You know we took you away from Emmet, right?" Landon shivered at the mention of his father's name but nodded bravely. "Do I have to go back? Please, don't make me go back!" "No, no, hey, I would never. That's why I'm telling you. He signed all the papers. I am your guardian now." Lana and Byron appeared left and right from Landon. "He did? Oh, how wonderful, Liam." Lana was touched. Landon scrunched his nose. "What does guardian mean?" "It means Liam is responsible for you now and Emmet can never hurt you again. Say you want to go on a class trip, for example, the school has to ask Liam and not your father anymore", Byron patiently explained to him. Landon considered. "So, he can't get me?" "Never again. He's out of your life for good", Liam promised firmly. His brother beamed at the adults. "That's amazing!" "Yeah, it is." Lana stroked through his hair. "But, Sweetie, you have to get ready for bed now. Tomorrow's a school day." "But I want to keep talking to Liam. I'm not finished." Yes, Landon could be stubborn. "We can talk tomorrow, Laddie. After school, yeah? Now you have to get ready for bed. Sleep is important. I'm going to bed now too. Theo does too. See?" He rolled to the side and tilted his screen so Landon could see Theo brushing his teeth with the bathroom door open. Theo waved. It wasn't that he actually wanted to go to bed but he had tried some licorice Mike had brought home, not from Ellie though, and after eating it Theo claimed to have a bad taste in his mouth. Landon huffed. "But we talk tomorrow", he insisted. "Werewolf promise." Liam raised his hand solemnly to swear. "Good Night, Laddie." "Good Night, Liam. Good Night, Theo." Landon stood up. "Good Night, you two," Lana called out and then disappeared with Landon.

Byron sat on the desk chair. "I know he signed but did the meaning with your father go well?" "It did. As well as possible with this man. I was pretty surprised at my control. At a certain point, I was ready to snap but somehow my wolf made me pull back and I got more level-headed." "That's the Alpha in you. Even if our personality or our urges say otherwise, sometimes the Alpha part can balance it out to keep the peace. It is impressive how well you learned to work with your wolf." The praise was nice because Liam tried. Sometimes it felt like all he did was running in circles but then he proved to everyone (and mostly himself) he was a good person and improving. "Speaking of Alpha and peace, Liam I forwarded an email to you just now. Have a look at it, maybe Theo should do so as well."

Theo had dried his mouth and now walked over to lean on Liam's chair while Liam opened the mail Byron had forwarded. It included a word document and when Liam opened it, it turned out to be an invitation to a meeting held in a hotel in Seattle. "Liam, part of being an Alpha are pack politics." Liam whined. "I told you I'm not good at that! What is this? An Alpha congress? I can't go there." "Maybe let the man talk before you cut and run", Theo suggested and smoothly avoided the contact between Liam's elbow and his stomach by moving aside. "I know what you said, Liam, and this is no pressure but I wanted to inform you. The invitation is indeed for an Alpha meeting. No congress, just a few Alphas coming together and talking." "About what?" Liam saw himself on a stage, in front of hundreds of Alphas, a whole auditorium filled with them, and making a fool out of himself. People would laugh. It would be a degrading experience. "Life. This and that. No one is expecting a speech from you, Liam. See I've been to a few of those meetings. There are only packs living close by attending these meetings. They're mostly boring. You stand around, do some small talk, maybe eat a quick snack, and leave. But they can also help you get a better idea of which packs are around yours. In the area. It can be interesting, if only so for scouting. But, of course, that does not mean you have to attend. It's no declaration of war not to go there. Just like you cannot declare war by saying a wrong word if you go." "Those are all Alphas, experienced Alphas probably, and then I show up. Junior McJunington. What will they think?" "Screw what they think. So what if they're older or more experienced? You're you and that's awesome" Theo passionately declared. "Thank you, Dr. Seuss", Liam hissed. He frowned and scratched his cheek. "I have to think about this." "As it is your right. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with." "If I should attend, there will be no problem? I can just show up there?" "The invitation is addressed to the Alpha of the Morning Dew Pack. They seemingly didn't get the memo about the change in our pack but that doesn't matter. The invitation is for you, not for me. Actually, no Beta can attend the meeting. And no Alpha mate either unless they're specifically invited." "I have to go there alone??" Liam shrieked. In his mind, he had Theo by his side. Maybe Brett and Caden since both could be real charmers and have intellectual conversations. Corey would have also a good match despite him being as insecure as Liam in those settings. Byron rubbed his hands together. "Those are the rules. But I know, alone or not, you will be just fine. Should you go or not. This is not something I can do for you. The decision is all yours. Just one more thing, to be fair. you will be the youngest in this group. By a few decades, I suppose. That's why I don't think they will pay you much attention. They're just curious." "Great", Liam said sarcastically. "Given my track records with strange Alphas so far, this will be a marvelous experience."

****** "I don't think you should go. What if that's a trap?" Tim worried about Liam's safety. Liam had informed his pack about the invitation right the next day and after classes, they were sitting in the living room and discussing this. "I think he should go. Just to check the others out. Maybe he can make allies?" Brett opposed. "I also think Liam should go. Byron said he has been to a few of those meetings. I don't think it's a trap", Sadie tried to dissolve Tim's worry and he gave her a grateful look. "The two strange Alphas I met in the last year have both tried to kill me. You understand I'm not keen on walking in a room full of unfamiliar Alphas?" Liam questioned. "I think that should be the reason you go", Ever stated, "to show all of them you're not afraid. If they plan on messing with you, you will look them in the eye. Maybe then they won't underestimate you." "I just don't see the purpose of those meetings. From what Byron said it sounds pretentious." Corey looked peeved. "Oh, it is", Lori confirmed. "But they are not that rare. I don't think you have to be scared, Liam." She offered a genuine smile. Liem returned it cause he knew she was trying to make him feel better. "What do you mean by not rare?" "Well, they're not, if you have Alphas of the old school" Brett took over from his sister. "Modern Alphas just meet up, talk, like Scott with Satomi. They don't even call it an Alpha meeting and send out fancy invites. Those are practices of the old guard, mostly well-esteemed werewolves who love to use those meetings to gossip. Ever seen those movies with scenes in Gentlemen Clubs? Country Clubs? Those are the people to expect at those meetings. Byron's not that far off when he says they won't spare you a look. You're - and don't take this the wrong way - not their type of person, if you know what I mean." "The Alpha from my parents' pack also attends such meetings. They always gush about the delicious and expensive things they eat there. But this woman also has a rich husband and considers herself playing tennis and golf as labor. So, pretty much pompous, entitled snobs", Sadie said. Maya rolled her eyes. "I also know about those meetings but I'm so glad I never met an Alpha going there before. Eh, no offense, Liam." Liam groaned. "Okay, just the danger of becoming the new hot gossip for the elite wolves around. Yeah, I think I'll pass." "I would still go", Caden chimed in. "It's a good opportunity to get to know how many are around. Do you know that? They invited Byron so their radius must be quite large but how many packs live between Seattle and the lake? Wouldn't it be good to know in case we need help? What if the hyenas come back? Having some werewolf allies would not be that bad."

He had a point. They all did. Liam was still torn. For once because he was afraid of making a fool of himself, then for the reason not to offend another Alpha and start a war, and on top of it, he now came to the realization just how different those Alphas seemed to be. He looked at his boyfriend. "What do you say?" Theo had listened to everything and had made up his mind. "You should go. For all those reasons. Byron said there will not come anything bad from it. He would never let you go to any event if he feared something might happen to you. If he says you can go, I believe him. And yeah, it is a good way to get information. Maybe there are not that many packs around.  But you will only find out if you go." Since most of his Betas said he should go, he considered. Maybe it was a good idea indeed. Only one problem: "If it's that high class, what should I wear?"

Fifteen minutes later Liam regretted that question. He stood in his bedroom while Theo, Brett, Mason, and Sadie sat on his bed. Sadie throned between the other guys, one leg crossed over the other, and looked like she was having the time of her life. Liam was the poor victim and had to model several outfits for the self-proclaimed fashion experts of his pack (he knew Theo could dress good but at this point, Liam felt betrayed) who all had other ideas of the perfect outfit. "That dress shirt is perfect for you. Not too out there but also not too normal" Mason praised Liam's current outfit consisting of black pants and a dark grey dress shirt. Liam hated it. It was not even one of his shirts but one of Theo's Mason had just grabbed. His boyfriend had not protested (see, there was the betrayal) but now shook his head. "That's not the outfit to go." "Absolutely right. Liam, grab the one I hung there." Sadie pointed at the clothes and Liam grumbled but grabbed them and stalked into the bathroom. When he emerged again, he was wearing jeans, a blue slipover with a white button-down shirt underneath. Liam felt like he was a kindergartener dressed by mommy. "Now you look like back in Devenford. Then again, maybe this private school flair is exactly what you need", Brett snickered. Liam glared at him and Theo scoffed before he handed Liam the third outfit. Liam glared at him too for good measure and disappeared into the bathroom again.

The outfit Theo had picked for him, Liam didn't even know where he got it. He had never seen Theo wearing this particular combo. Cloth trousers, a polo shirt and a sports jacket over it. "How the hell do you get this? And why do you get this?" He asked once he emerged from the bathroom.   Interesting, Theo became a bit sheepishly. "I got it for some occasions? Maybe a job interview?" "This is so not you." Liam eyed himself in the mirror. "This is so not me either. What were you thinking, guys? None of your outfits were good." "You wanted us to help you", Mason defended himself. "I wanted to get suggestions, not become your dress-up doll", Liam replied sharply. Sadie sighed. "You're being difficult. Don't you want to make a good first impression?" "A good impression as himself, shouldn't that be the goal?" Caden had walked into the room and crossed the arms in front of his chest. He looked at Liam. "You look strange. Actually, you look like me whenever my aunt visited the family. Horrible." "How do you look when your aunt visits?" Brett had to know. Caden pulled out his cellphone and searched a bit before he handed the phone over. Brett snickered. "Okay, thanks for the laugh. So dapper, oh my. One would not think that since you're almost only ever wearing more casual clothing." Sadie giggled. "Does Ever know you can look like that?" "As a matter of fact, yeah. She doesn't like it. I can relate. But my aunt is quite old-fashioned and conservative. She came to town, we dressed like that, covered up our tattoos, the whole shebang. We just never liked it. Liam doesn't like dressing up either." "Tell me about it. That's a topic we have had since we're friends." Mason rolled his eyes. Liam wanted to glare at him but if he was honest, his best friend was right.   So he raised his shoulders. "I have dress shirts. I just happen to like t-shirts and jeans more." "Hence why I think you should wear that", Caden stated. "You are not like the type of Alpha who wears expensive clothing and the latest brands. You're Liam. We like Liam. Why do you want to be somebody you're not? Just to impress people you probably will never see again after that one time?" "That's true." Even Theo had to admit that. "I know when you're comfortable and you never are when you dressed up to a certain extend." "I still think if the occasion calls for it, you should make an effort", Sadie insisted. "It's not about what you want; it's about what our Alpha wants. Liam goes to the meeting and Liam has to represent himself and our pack. He should do it as his truest self possible", Brett retaliated. She pouted.

But then she got up from the bed and walked towards Liam's open closet. She dug around there for a while before she pulled out a pale blue t-shirt. It was a new one, Liam had only worn it twice and he loved how soft the fabric was, it felt good and comfy on his skin. Sadie handed it to him. "The color makes your eyes pop. That and that one light blue jeans you have. If you walk into a room full of strange werewolves, bright colors make you look friendlier." "That's Sadie. If you can't dress them up the way you want, at least get into chromatics", Brett praised.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quite a Liam-centric chapter but then again he's the Alpha and Landon's brother. And he had to make decisions. Now the question is, what will happen at the meeting? What do you guys think? All I can say is, I'm excited about the new chapter.

[lovelysilence14]

Anne With an E - 3x09 - Oh. My. GOD!

This episode has ripped my heart out, put it through a wood chipper then shred the ashes in the fire pit with gasoline and set THAT on fire.

Like, my only reaction is...

WHAT THE HELL?!?!

Ka’Kwet and her tragic story

First off, that Ka’Kwet story line was the most TRAGIC plot I have ever seen in this series. Possibly even on TV. I mean, seriously? The racism these men have towards the Native Americans is SICKENING.

My heart is in my gut and I could barely focus on my work today because those scenes were haunting me. Kudos to Moira for telling this side of history!

I mean, they’re going on about how these Indians are savages just because they’re different? Uh, no. YOU’RE THE SAVAGES!!! Using guns on little kids? Shooting up a tribe just because you can? They’re making Billy look like a bratty kid on the playground.

At least Billy never actually TRIED to kill anyone. (Though there is that fox he tried to kill, but I think we can both admit a child’s life always usurps that of an animal.)

Honestly, I have to say that if this season does not end with Ka’Kwet OUT OF THAT DAMN SCHOOL with her family (and those little kids with theirs as well) I am going to BEAT something!

Seriously, nothing makes me more sick than people who abuse innocent children and claim it’s for their own good. What’s more horrible is that this stuff actually happened!

I NEVER knew about this tragedy in Native American history. Never. And what makes it horrible is that these schools were around until 1996! From what I read, anyway. I WAS BORN BY THEN.

People STOLE little Indian kids and literally beat and abused their culture out of them. Little kids! They aren’t “Indian children”, they are CHILDREN. Who cares how they’re raised as long as they’re healthy and fine?

Shooting up and ruining families and lives just because they were born different. God, those bigots had me so LIVID that Thesarus.com doesn’t have the words to describe my anger! Like... ARGH!!!!

The scene of her mother sobbing and just begging for her daughter back? That actress deserves an award! And Anne sobbing for Ka’Kwet to be free had to touch her on a most personal level.

Anne KNOWS what it’s like to be in the system at the mercy of cruel caretakers. She was an orphan and orphans in this time era were seen as outcasts right up in there with lepers and Indians. She was told how worthless and unlovable she was just because of her orphan status and beaten every day and worked to the bone in order to be “useful”.

She KNOWS what those kids are going through and you can damn well bet it’s killing her.

Oh god, I’m going to start crying again! Damn it, I just stopped! 

Bash and his mother

Okay, this story reminded me of me and my father. My father had it rough too as a child. He was violently abused and witnessed a TON of crap being done to his female family members.

As a result, he believed in “tough love” with me so I could bear possible violence of the world as a full grown woman. To make me strong. (It did... but at the really steep price of our actual relationship.)

I understand that all of that crap his mom witnessed basically made her bitter and rigid. I get that. She’s scarred and been traumatized in life. She survived it the only way she knew how. Being tough. After losing her husband like that, who can blame her mindset?

I get she just wanted that for her son to survive as well in the one way she knew worked.

But there’s a fine line between giving your kids tough love and simply being cold with them. And if you cross that line, you risk losing your child’s love. I know my Dad crossed and lost it as well.

She’s not living in that environment anymore. I remember a line being said in a movie where a female character was told by her mom where her life is no longer about surviving but simply LIVING and LOVING now.

Bash’s mom needs to know that.

When she told him that she gave him the gift of being strong and how he became strong because of her? Then he said, “No, I grew up strong IN SPITE of you.”

I felt that. Like, that’s ME with MY Dad.

Now... Anne and Gilbert

Oh. My. GOD.

The lack of proper communication between these two is SHOCKING. Like, only an actual soap opera can top this. I KNEW the second Anne said she’d leave him a note that it wouldn’t get to him.

Like, notes NEVER end up where they’re supposed to be in TV shows.

I can only hope Gilbert is going to break it off with Winnie by the finale. Like, what if he’s saying GOODBYE to Anne and his love for her? I know logically that’s not going to happen. It was confirmed they are endgame, but I can’t help but jump to worst case scenario until I KNOW. Gilbert hasn’t been instilling a lot of confidence in me lately! lol

These two need ONE scene with proper communication! No notes, no riddles during drunken partying or third party messages, just THESE TWO TALKING WITH CLEAR FEELING. I hope Anne doesn’t just throw in the towel and assume he rejected her and avoids him or goes all bitter.

Like... JUST TALK TO HIM LIKE YOU WANTED TO ANNE!

Seriously, I hope these two get together in the next episode. THEY HAVE TO. WE DESERVE IT FANS! If they don’t, I am throwing something against a wall. After the emotional hell we’ve been through, we better get Shirbert!

At least they both know they love each other and WANT to be together. But will it happen?

God, this least week long wait is going to be the LONGEST yet.

This show better get a season 4! RENEW IT CBC! RENEW IT!

Now, excuse me while I go chew on my fingernails a little bit more until Sunday comes around.

[katkamelion]

I can never love Severus Snape

Part one:

I will fully admit I was a difficult child when I was younger. With an undiagnosed, but very present emotional disorder as long as I could remember, I was often distracted in class. I would draw pictures, stare out windows, read fun books instead of text books in class.

When I was six, in first grade, I had a teacher I remember very well. I remember her because of the things she did to me in class. When she was upset with me she would physically remove me from my seat. She would leave red marks on my arms, take me up to the front of the class, she would humiliate me. I went home and begged my mother every day to please not make me go back.

When I read or see anything with Snape, all I see is this teacher. He humiliates his students, eleven year old kids, why? Because. Because when he was a boy he was bullied. Because one of his bullies ended up with a girl he liked in high school.

That isn’t an answer to the way he treated, not only Harry, but so many other children that passed through his classroom. Harry was always expected to “understand” Snape. To know that Snape was truly a good person, even if all he ever showed Harry was cruelty.

Snape, a man around 30 years of age, insulted an 11, 12, 13 year ORPHAN boy because he got his feelings hurt by his parents. Not to mention everything he ever said to Neville, Hermione, Ron And any other CHILD he didn’t like. Any normal teacher would be fired for that kind of thing.

I was bullied In high school. I was a weird, geeky kid. I was bullied to the point of multiple attempted suicides. I still struggle with dealing with how I was treated in high school at the age of 25, even after everything, coming to terms with the things I went through, I would never wish harm to the people that hurt me. Do you know what else I would NEVER do? Bully a child in my care. I’ve taken care of many children. I’ve volunteered to help teach kids, even though I don’t really like children. I would still never be cruel to a child. I babysat my ex’s child after we were broken up, and let me tell you, I HATED that kids mom. I HATED HER. If she was on fire I’m not sure I can guarantee I would help her. You know what I did with that child? I took care of him. I laughed and played with him and fed him, I made him feel safe and happy. My own personal feelings about that boy’s parents meant nothing because that child is not his parents and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt or to be cruel to because his mother is a bad person that hurt me in many ways.

Harry didn’t deserve the cruelty. He was an orphan that did nothing wrong and Snape didn’t care. He hated him for things he couldn’t help, for things he wasn’t involved in, for things Harry could never understand because he was a CHILD.

Part two:

His “feelings” were manipulative and abusive. I don’t really believe Snape loved Lily, because when you love someone— no matter how much it might hurt you— you want them to be happy. Snape heard information that implicated Harry as the one to kill Voldemort and his eventual request? Kill the man Lily loves, kill her CHILD, but leave her alive. WHAT KIND OF PERSON THINKS THAT? He wanted her like she was an object, he wanted him because it was the one thing he could never have. He wasn’t in love with her, he was obsessed. But Fine! I’ll take James out of the equation. Maybe his years of bullying were so traumatic that he could not get over it. A stretch, but fine. Maybe Snape could be okay with James’s death, still horrible but mildly understandable.

Snape decided that the death of a child (honestly, what kind of person is okay with killing a baby), the child of the “love of his life” was an acceptable casualty. He asked Voldemort to spare her in exchange for her husband and child. Her child. One more time for the people in the back— Snape was willing to sacrifice the only child of the “love of his life”. The only reason he went to Dumbledore was that he knew Lily would die for her child. If he thought Lily would just let Voldemort kill Harry and not stand between them, he probably would have been fine with it and never told Dumbledore.

I don’t care that he eventually went to Dumbledore. I don’t care that he eventually gave his life for the cause, because he was the kind of person that abused children and found the death of babies an acceptable price to get what he wanted.

And even that aside, how many of you ladies and gentlemen out there have ever been stalked? How many of you have dealt with people that just won’t leave you alone? They may not be particularly nice to you, they might even call you horrible names when their pride is hurt or you turn them down? Picture that person. It’s Snape. His perverse love was ABUSIVE. His obsession, and I refuse to truly call it love, was gross and as someone that’s had to call the police before due to someone that just won’t take the hint, it sends chills down my spine. He was obsessed with someone for the rest of his life, and hers, because when he was eleven years old she was nice to him. He was obsessed her as an object, not a person. He never really, truly knew her. He didn’t know adult Lily at all. He spent his life obsessed with the picture of an eleven year old that he pictured in his mind and wanted to belong to him, then he tortured her eleven year old son because he looked like his daddy.

Think about the person you hate most. That person that bullied the hell out of you in high school. Can if it was up to you, would you will their one year old child to die?

Part three:

The random stuff-

-Snape was a murderer. Dumbledore wanted Snape to kill him instead of Draco because Draco hadn’t killed and Dumbledore didn’t want him to. This says he has killed before.

-He outed Remus and basically was fine with ruining his entire life and reputation because? Remus kind of bullied him and was friends with some of the people that did in high school. But out of all of them, Remus tended to be the one to rein the others in, so although yes- he was guilty- did he deserve having his entire life screwed up for it? Maybe he deserved some payback- but wouldn’t losing everyone he loved be payback enough? Nope. Not for snape. Because Remus was mean to him. Snape was jealous of Remus’s job and it didn’t matter that Remus was the best defense against the dark arts teacher, that Remus was a better teacher than Snape ever was- he was kind and understanding to his students and taught them valuable skills with hands on experience- Snape didn’t like him so he had to pay.

There are so many other things, but I’m tired... maybe we’ll continue this later.

[terramythos]

Now that I am finally through the 12 book odyssey that was catching up/rereading the October Daye series here's a post of my general thoughts. (ADVANCED spoilers. Like I don’t hold anything back, lol). 

A. Just for fun, my favorite books tended to be the ones where shit (especially Lore Shit) went down in a Really Big Way. My top 5 for that...  

1. The Winter Long (#8). I don’t think you can beat this one in sheer fuckery. Two MAJOR twists that basically change everything up to this point in the series, and they’re both dropped pretty casually. One, Simon Torquill is maybe not as evil as previously thought? and is also Toby’s step-dad? Whoops? And number two-- fucking EVENING, the fucking throwaway character killed in book one-- isn’t even dead AND she’s a fucking Firstborn and also a total piece of shit. God. It was a ride re-reading book one because there are so many hints (my favorite line: “no one knew her true face” YEAH OCTOBER, YOU SURE AREN’T WRONG). I pointed it out but even the Shakespeare quotes of books 1 and 8 foreshadow this shit. That in particular was 999-level fuckery. 

2. The Brightest Fell (#11). I was not expecting this book to gut punch me so hard. Like, everything goes to shit, obviously, and the consequences of that stretch well into the next book. But then to give Simon a genuine redemption arc, to invest in that so emotionally, and somehow find a way to end it in a WORSE way than him just dying? That stuck with me. I was so fucking upset I just couldn’t do anything of value for like a day. So that’s how you know it’s good I guess! :D 

3. An Artificial Night (#3). God what do you even say about this one. It’s where shit really starts getting real for the whole series. It’s creepy and more fantastical than the first few books and you learn more about The Firstborn and what they’re capable of. There’s a lot that’s just viscerally traumatic too. Literal children being twisted into horrific monsters. And if I’m right, I think the whole series is going to loop back to this one in a big way. There are so many... mentions and (dare I say) hints dropping even now about Blind Michael.  

4. One Salt Sea (#5). I mean, a lot of stuff happens in this one that ultimately ties into book 12, but a really major character gets killed off, Rayseline is taken out of commission, the Undersea gets introduced, and you learn what the hell is up with the Selkies. I really truly believe the epilogue chapter of this one is some of the best writing in the series, it’s so well put together and has such great beats. Idk like it was a tossup between this one and Ashes of Honor (#7), but while the latter had some of my favorite bits I think this one had a lot more. 

5. Night and Silence (#12). Maybe it’s cause it’s the most recent one and the most fresh in my mind, but DAMN. Kinda like The Winter Long this one had two big twists, and while they weren’t as major they really defined the book. The whole Janet thing I really and truly did not see coming and has some BIG implications for everything we know. Amandine’s a changeling! What the fuck! Gillian being very decisively rewritten into the series (and turned into a Selkie) was ALSO not something I saw coming in any way, shape, or form. This one really fired me up wondering where things are going next. 

B. I mentioned it but GOD the Simon thing made me so viscerally upset! I don’t think I’ve run into a series that approached a redemption arc that way. You take a character who’s pretty much evil, then start making it way more gray. Was he a bad guy? Yeah... but he had a reasonable motive. Is he still a bad guy? Yeah kinda, but he seems to genuinely want to change, and actually assists the heroes without ulterior motive. OK, so then he comes  back a few books later as the deuteragonist and gets a whole lot of character development, and he starts to improve. You even get a concrete indicator that the horrible shit that corrupted him is going away. And then, when he ultimately reaches his goals? He’s forced to give it all away, to turn back into the monster he’d been, in order to do the right thing. Fucking unreal. I’m fully aware this is to make the whole “finding Oberon” stakes more personal but it hurt, man! 

C. My vampire crack theory is pretty much dead, so rest in peace, that.

D. OK so what is with the month names? Seriously. You can explain it away a little bit with the whole “fae like to honor people but don’t like to reuse names” shit but there’s absolutely no way it’s that simple. They’re all female characters who are related, however slightly, to the Torquills. I made that observation pre-book 8, but dismissed it because Toby wasn’t technically related to them. ONLY AS OF BOOK 8 SHE IS, SO CHECKMATE. THERE’S SOMETHING HAPPENING, DAMN IT. Anyway I like making lists, so... 

1. January -- January O’Leary, She’s September’s daughter, and she gets killed off in book 2. This might be enough for me to dismiss the month name thing except the epilogue of 11 brings her Back to Fucking Life, so honestly all bets are off imo, she was absolutely brought back for a reason. 

2. February -- no one.. yet. 

3. March -- no one.. yet. 

4. April -- April O’Leary, January’s adopted daughter. She’s a cyber-Dryad and we see her perspective briefly when January gets resurrected. I’m not sure what else to say about her in relation to this? 

5. May -- May Daye, October’s blood clone (basically). I mean, her whole existence is pretty weird. You could make the argument her name is just a coincidence (she was once a night haunt named Mai), but there’s absolutely no way I’m buying that. 

6. June -- no one.. yet. 

7. July -- Gillian Marks-Daye. October’s daughter. I mean. I was going to say “no one”, but she just got decisively re-written into the series. “Gillian” is the feminine form of “Julius”. I’m pretty sure she’s supposed to be the dark-horse contender for this slot. No way that’s a coincidence. 

8. August -- August...Torquill? She’s Simon’s biological daughter and Toby’s half-sister, so.... She was ALSO introduced pretty late, unlike most of these entries, so I am still convinced this is A Thing. 

9. September -- September Torquill. She’s Simon and Sylvester’s sister. Also like, decisively dead I think. She hasn’t shown up in the main series (only mentioned), but I think she shows up more in the short stories? I don’t know enough about her to say much. 

10. October -- October “Toby” Daye. Like. That’s the name of the series. She’s the main protagonist, dawg. She’s Simon’s step-daughter. What more do you want from me. 

11. November -- no one.. yet. 

12. December -- no one.. yet. 

E. So where is the series going? Obviously next book is about The Luidaeg finally calling in the Selkies’ blood debt or whatever, which we knew was coming for a long time. But #12 just made that way more personal with the whole Gillian thing. I have no idea what’s going to happen with that. Beyond that? There are some loose ends here and there, but the big thing is Oberon coming back. That’s pretty much a given. If I’m right, I think the consequences of Book 3 are going to start showing soon, but idk if it will be in relation to that or not. I’m sure she can come up with way more to put into the series (maybe a book around Toby and Tybalt getting married? SOMETHING THAT EXPLAINS THE MONTH NAMES???), but that’s all that’s really evident to me. 

F. So, the characters. They’re probably my favorite bit of the series. The Luidaeg and Tybalt are undoubtedly my faves, but I’ve really enjoyed seeing how Toby, Quentin, and May have grown over the course of the series. I know I mentioned this previously, but I really like how the series’ initial allies end up... not being allies, so much-- whether by getting killed off or severely disappointing Toby. Sylvester, Evening, Luna, Lily, and Connor all pretty much disappear or greatly alter their role in the story. 

Yet the main cast, the “found family” the series focuses on? Pretty much none of them started out even liking each other that much. Quentin is a snotty noble kid, Tybalt is straight up an antagonist who HATES Toby, The Luidaeg is just plain terrifying, and May is some bizarre doppleganger that (seems to) randomly show up. Yet over time they’ve forged into such a strong and really likeable crew. Idk, it really gives me the feeling that it’s not just FOUND family, but EARNED family, and I really like that. 

G. While we’re discussing characters, I want to talk about The Luidaeg in particular. 

I think she’s probably one of my favorite characters of all time. That’s a high bar but she is just so damn INTERESTING. Morally gray for sure, but not in a traditional way. 

Like, she clearly has her own agenda. She’s probably the oldest character in the series, and she’s fucking terrifying. People use her name to warn their kids at night. We see samples of her powers and the things she knows, and she’s basically a walking eldritch horror. A great deal of the series is her calling in and collecting debts from the main characters so she can use them for one purpose or another. She’s the fucking sea witch. Right? 

Except... the series humanizes her so much. She is clearly kind and compassionate and does her best to hide it. While she initially intimidates the main characters, Toby gradually realizes she’s lonely and seems to enjoy their company. Every single bit of her backstory you get adds more context to her behavior. She’s protective of children because hers were slaughtered like animals. She speaks in riddles because there are so many things she’s forbidden to say. She asks for terrible prices because she HAS to help anyone who will ask her to, and there are certain things she doesn’t want to do (and often, it’s because said things would harm others). This is also why she’s so standoffish and avoidant of others-- because they take advantage of her. Despite all the horrible shit that’s happened to her, she still does her best to be kind and do the right thing. And her ultimate goal, I feel, must be a good one. That’s the only thing that makes sense to me. 

There’s more. A lot of what she does is clearly calculated to achieve a particular result. She mostly shows kindness to certain members of the main cast (Toby and Quentin in particular) and very few others. It’s always interesting to see how she interacts with other characters, because it closely mirrors her initial behavior. Yet even then you see little things, like how she took in Poppy as an apprentice. One of the few times you get her perspective, it’s when she realizes Amandine is abusing and literally killing child!October, and you see how horrified she is, enough that she steps in and puts a stop to it. Does she have a use for Toby down the line? Yeah, obviously, but it doesn’t mean she didn’t do the right thing for the right reasons. I suppose it’s possible she’s just manipulating everyone, but the stories like that and her blood memories make me feel otherwise. Also, the amount of human profanity she uses is pretty funny, since so few characters use it. 

Honestly this may seem like an odd comparison but she reminds me of Akane from Zero Escape. She’s playing the long con, and a lot of what she does seems strange and mysterious until you get more context. And she clearly has some ultimate goal she’s working toward (probably something to do with finding Oberon), but we won’t really know what that means until it happens. It’s probably going to be an emotional rollercoaster. 

There’s more to her than that, but I find it hard to articulate. I just really like her! Pretty much every scene she shows up in is interesting, because she has intriguing lore, dialogue, or insights. She’s almost certainly a big focus in the next book and I don’t know if that means I’ll love her or hate her at the end, lol. 

H. Much shorter note, but Toby/Tybalt? How DARE you make me care about a M/F ship THIS MUCH. They’re just so good. The ultimate slow burn Enemies to Grudging Allies to Friends to Lovers. It’s such a ride and a treat to read. Their early interactions are fucking hilarious on a reread. And I find myself caring so much about what happens to them. 

I. I think this is my last point, but I REALLY appreciated the LGBT rep in the series. There’s obvious stuff like “all the fae are bi unless stated otherwise”, but there’s a really good amount of overt rep. May’s a lesbian, Madden’s gay, Quentin’s bi, and no one bats an eye. It’s AWESOME. Also, making Walther (a certified badass and cool character) a trans man was just wonderful. The fact that he goes on right after the reveal to do one of the biggest Lore things (curing motherfucking elf-shot) is the best. I really like Walther and we need more characters like him. 

I’m probably missing SOMETHING, but idk. These were my main thoughts on the series as a whole. I’m interested to see where things go. 

[beancables]

Howzit, my friends?

So, apparently, I’ve got a bit of a terrible news for y’all. Do not freak out. Here’s a photo of two Welsh corgis for you to smile and take a deeeeeep breath.

You ready for this?

Okay, here we go.

Last September 27th, I found out from my doctor that I was positive for TB (tuberculosis), and right now, as of this moment, I am in my personal room/workspace isolated because of that. Isolation means that I have to stay in my room with windows open and if I have to go out and talk to people I should wear a mask. It has been almost my third week, and I’m telling you my friends, there’s progress going on but I couldn’t get out of the house for long until I’m not contagious anymore. Sucks.

You might be wondering who/where I got it from. The truth is, I don’t even know. My daily routine consists of riding the bus early in the morning, getting to work for eight hours, and going home riding the bus again. The people that I live with here are actually pretty normal, and they were all tested negative. So the factors there would either be from work or from the people I ride with from the bus. I actually feel a bit traumatized from riding the bus right now because of this, and it got me thinking to get a car and just drive to work (Sigh, I will work on getting my permit! I’ve been trying to get that done, but I never have time.) But yeah, whoever I may got it from, I can’t do anything. I have acquired it from that person and there’s nothing more that I can do but just to stay home and follow doctor’s orders. I wish that person well, too.

Sidenote: I couldn’t drink alcohol until I’m done with my treatment. Sad, but yeah, I’m actually okay with that because I rarely drink these days and the only beverage I couldn’t live without is 8 oz of coffee. If my nurse wouldn’t let me drink coffee, I’d totes freak out and definitely would have caffeine withdrawals. Lol

The last time I heard from my nurse was I was a 3+ according to my sputum results. The contagiousness level of TB is from 0 to 4: 0 the lowest and 4 the highest. From a crazy 4+ (I was very contagious tbh), it went down for about two weeks of therapy and seven pills on weekdays! SEVEN. PILLS. OMG RIGHT? It’s been one helluva ride, folks. I’ve got to Skype my nurse every morning and drink all of these pills just to get better. I’m not getting any weird side effects though, so that’s cool. I just hate it every time I burp, I get that weird antibiotic aftertaste which is hyuck. Not gonna even talk about it.

Now, you’re probably wondering how I live my everyday life from now on. Well, still pretty normal. I still get to work (thankfully). I’m able to remote-in to my work computer and still work full-time, only in the comfort of my room. My Macbook, my mouse, and my phone are my very best friends atm. My co-workers have been texting/calling/chatting with me on what’s going on and I’m still able to help on whatever stuff. So, yay! It’s a good thing work keeps me occupied rather than just lying in bed watching Netflix all day (OMG y’all, I’ve already binge-watched most of the sitcoms/dramas/movies in their catalog and I even did reruns on shows that I really like!). I usually turn on my music and sometimes turn on my TV so it doesn’t seem quiet when I work. I kinda like this life. I really enjoy doing this to be honest. It seems like a good daily routine to me. Just not the part where I can’t get out at all. ;)

I mean, I can go outside and smell the freshest air, but I’m not allowed to talk to people which is my weakness. I AM LOUD AF.

I’ve also tried to keep up with my graphic design game and kinda did some work for my portfolio as well. I’m taking some freelance commission work from friends, and I’m happy to do some stuff for them! The good thing about this is, I get to do the things that I haven’t done in a while. I just basically treat this sickation (sick vacation) thing like my typical summer vacation in the Philippines. When I was a kid, I rarely go out of the house, watch TV all day and play video games with my brother. I was never an adventure freak (and now I am haha) and that’s pretty much how I became the nerd that I am now. HAHA. I miss the good old days though.

I’ve also decided to cancel my San Francisco trip when I found out about it, and yes, it was a bummer. Good thing I got refunds from my airline and Airbnb bookings! The concert tickets that I had to go to were sold mostly on Stubhub for about 50-60% of the original price, so it really didn’t hurt. At least I got some of my moneyz back! (I intently put the “z” in money because I’m a thug inside. Lol j/k) I’ve got plans to go to Colorado though next year! That’s something to look forward to. Just really have to make up to it. I’m also getting a camera soon, so that’s a birthday present to myself.

So, yeah that’s about it for me at the moment! Sorry to those who I might have affected (my mom wasn’t because her immune system is awesomesauce), my co-workers who I believe they were all (or most of them) negative from the results. Yay! I’m not really horrible. But still, I feel sad that this happened. Moral lesson: always be aware of your surroundings, and always take good care of yourself. You never know what happens to you in the future and when the moment kicks in, it’s either a good or bad one. 

Phew! This was a really long rant. I gotta hit the sack. Thanks for reading though! I think it took you about 5-6 minutes.

- B