#so few ic shit and it's already the 10th

[universalcarnival]

WH

WHERE IS MY SENSE OF TIME GOING

[gradianmax]

I Only Have Eyes For You || Malliot

Tagging: Max, @elliejamesrose

What: The boys have a ‘morning after’ talk that leads to something more.

When:  September 10th, Saturday

Where: Hudson Residence

Warnings: Language, Sexual Activities

Notes: Max is bolded, Elliot is italic

Elliot woke up the next day with minimal recollection of what had happened last night except that he probably had way too much tequila and he felt like shit. He groaned at the throbbing pain in head, rubbing his eyes open and looking over to see Max sleeping comfortably. Normally he always let Max sleep in anytime he woke up before him but today he was annoyed by how comfortable and not hungover his boyfriend seemed. “Max. Max wake up.” He groaned and nudged at the boy.

Max jolted awake at the nudge and quickly turned to his boyfriend in a panic. He relaxed with a sigh when he saw there was nothing wrong. "Morning, baby." He groaned and sat up. "Lay back down, I'll grab you some pain killers. Your head's probably pounding."

Elliot continued to groan through the pain, not responding to Max’s precious ‘Morning, baby’. He could barely even think right now. Normally when he woke up late and hungover his staff already had everything ready by his side alongside an ice pack and breakfast with coffee by his side to replenish his self. He forgot for a moment he wasn’t home and groaned again. “Ice pack. Coffee.” He managed to get out.

"As you command, my love." He rushed to the kitchen to start the coffee and then started digging around the freezer for an ice pack.  He also grabbed some naproxen and a glass of water. He brought that back to Elliot to start with. "Coffee's brewing," he let him know. "Think you could keep down some food if I made you something?"

Elliot hummed as he took the pills and chugged the cup of water, still feeling very thirsty and lightheaded. He felt like he needed to lay back down but didn’t want to do so alone. “Bub.” He pouted and reached out for him as he had the previous night. “Don’t ever make me drink tequila again. He whined.

Max suppressed his laugh to a little chuckle and grabbed Elliot's out stretched hand. He gave it a kiss and then moved in closer to lean down and kiss his head as well. "Just as well, I dont think Tequila James liked me very much anyway."

Elliot pulled Max in closer and laid back down, bringing Max on top of him, the pressure of the others body feeling great on his. Elliot hummed in confusion. “Why do you say that? What happened last night?” He asked, his throat scratchy from the drinking and talking over loud people and music.

Max shifted a bit to make himself comfortable on top of Elliot and relaxed against his boyfriend's body. "Oh just me being a jealous bitch and you not having it." He squeezed Elliot's hand and sighed. "I'll tell you all about it after you have some coffee."

Ellie furrowed his brows in confusion. “What do you mean?” He sighed and agreed on the coffee side of things. He needed it more than anything right now.

Max kissed Elliot's forhead right where his brows were scrunched together. He stood up with a groan. "Coffee, breakfast, then story time." And with that he headed back into the kitchen. He got started with breakfast as the coffee brewed. Once it was done he paused to pour a mug. He brought it as well as the ice pack to his suffering boyfriend. One more kiss to the top of his head, "I'll be back in a bit with food."

Elliot whines as his boyfriend left and he tried to rack his brain on the events of last night. It made his head hurt even more but he was getting back bits and pieces.  He remembered Max getting them their first set of drinks and getting the disgusting pub food they served up and he remembered getting a few more rounds of drinks before thing started getting really fuzzy. Elliot then brought his hand up to his neck. Had Max tried to choke him? No, that couldn’t be it but he remembered a man’s hand at his throat… His thoughts were interrupted by Max as a cup of coffee landed in his hands. “Did you choke me last night?” He asked the man, and it wasn’t accusatory, more just curious.

Max let out something between a laugh and a wince. He shook his head. "No, Ellie. No, you asked Alastair Wilde to choke you. So you could see what it felt like." He smirked, completely teasing his boyfriend. "Now, I honestly had no idea you were into that, but you know you could've asked me at any time."

Ellie chewed on his lip trying to remember who the Alistair guy was. “Alistair?” He questioned “Why would I ask some random guy to…” he stopped himself and put two and two together as to why Max had said he was acting jealous but Ellie understood. “Max, I’m sorry. I don’t even remember, I don’t know why I would do that.” He pouted feeling awful for doing that to Max.

Max grabbed Elliot's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "It wasnt just you, I was an ass. We can talk about it later, when you don't feel like complete shit." He didn't want to just say, 'it's fine' when they both knew it wasn't. However, it also wasn't something needed to be hashed out instantly. "Let me go finish the food. Then we can eat and maybe talk some."

Elliot didn’t want to talk about it later, he wanted to get it over with. It must have been worse because Max refused to fully talk about it but he was also being extremely nice to him. It was very confusing to Elliot. He just wanted to go back to sleep and forget yesterday had ever happened, at least what he remembered of it.  “Okay, go get the food then.” He waved him off and took a sip of his coffee.

Max knew Elliot was just frustrated so he didn't take any offense to the send off. Instead he just headed back into the kitchen and finished up their breakfast. He went with his tried and true hangover cure of eggs and bacon with beans on toast.

Elliot huffed and gulped back his hot coffee. He loved the burn of it going down his throat, make him feel alive. By the time Max had come back with breakfast he had finished his cup and was ready for another one. He sat up properly in bed and took the tray from him and make room for the boy to sit with him, leaning on him once he did.

Max took a seat next to his boyfriend and enjoyed the press of their skin together. He kissed the top of his head again and decided that he was most definitely addicted to doing so. Every time he was within a foot of Elliot the urge to start peppering him with little kisses all over grew strong. "Another coffee, love?"

Elliot thought about it for a moment and then shook his head, not wanting the man to leave his side. “After food.” He landed on. He picked up a piece of toast and fed it to Max before taking a bit himself. Even though he was a bit frustrated with not know what had happened, he still felt so lucky just being by Max’s side. “Will you tell me what happened, please?” He begged.

"Mmmkay," he agreed and rested a hand on Elliot's back. They enjoyed the food quietly for a moment before the inevitable. He wasn't going to deny his boyfriend the information again when he clearly didn't want to wait. So he nodded his head and began.

"You were starting to get pretty drunk and you went to the bar to get us more drinks. I stayed at the table for a while but then I noticed you talking to Alastair. You were blushing like he was flirting with you which I'll admit upset me because... well, jealous bitch." He gestured to himself with a frown. "Anyway, I stayed at the table because I didn't want to make a scene but then you called me over."

Elliot shook his head. “Stop calling yourself that.” He frowned, feeling like Max was self deprecating when he called himself that. “It’s okay to be jealous… honestly I don’t really remember what the Alastair guy looked like so he couldn’t have been that attractive.” He tried to joke. “Okay so I invite you over, that’s not bad, right?” He tried to reason.

"None of it was really that bad," he admitted. "I was just drunk and overreacted. So, I went over and you told me he wanted to buy us drinks which is when I realized that he was definitely flirting with you, but you had no idea. I told you that and he pretty much confirmed it." Max sighed. "Then you started feeling up his arms talking about how buff everyone in Gradian is."

Elliot grimaced at his actions and slapped his hand to his face with a groan. “I mean, everyone in Gradian is very buff…” he tried to salvage it. “C’mon you had to know that I didn’t mean anything by it.” He pouted at the man.

Max shook his head with a laugh. "Uh, yeah, sober me knows that. Drunk me did not." He sighed and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "I moved your hand off of him. Told you to keep your hands on me."

Elliot raised a brow. “Oh.” He understood now, that would have triggered Ellie immediately. “I must have hated that… I don’t like being told who I can and cannot touch.” He said firmly.

Max nodded. "Yeah. You definitely did. Pulled away and started talking to Alastair about choking. Then you actually asked him to choke you and I lost it. Stormed out. You ended up following me and throwing up outside. Then we headed home."

Elliot sighed and kissed the side of the man’s head. “I’m sorry. I just need you to know that I didn’t mean anything by it… I was probably just pissed that you had tried to control my actions and also my dumb ass was probably just actually curious and he was there.”  He sighed. “But please never storm out on me again…”

Max squeezed Elliot's hand and leaned into his side. "I know you didn't mean anything by it," he confirmed. "I guess I'm just more insecure once I've got a few drinks in me. Second time I've drunkenly cried like a baby in front of you. Hopefully that's not going to become a thing." He returned the kiss and leaned his head on Elliot's. "I know, I left you there, drunk, with some guy, like a complete ass. It won't happen again, no matter the circumstances. Promise."

Elliot frowned. “I don’t want you to be afraid to cry infront of me, bubs.” He pushed the tray to the side and climbed into his lap like he tended to do lately. “You know, if you ever need to talk about anything… I’m here for you. Always.” He kissed him and pressed his forehead to his.

Max hugged Elliot to him once his boyfriend was sitting comfortably on top of him. "Not afraid to, just..  I dont know. I just feel like both times was just me overreacting." He closed his eyes and enjoyed the other man's presence. "I still have a lot to learn about being in a relationship I think."

“Your emotions are valid, Max.” He spoke softly, caressing his cheek gently. “Everything you feel is valid. It’s how you react to things and your actions towards others… but you and how you feel is okay.” He smiled at the man gently. “I’ll never judge you for how you feel. Ever.” He pressed another kiss to his lips.

Max's eyes welled with unshed tears. He didn't know how to fully process the amount of love and support Elliot was showing him. Despite that, he knew he wouldn't trade it for the world.  "How the hell did I luck into getting you to love me, huh?"

Elliot watched as Max’s eye welled up. He kissed the skin just beneath boy his eyes. “I don’t think you even realize how much I love you.” He chuckled softly. “Thank you for taking care of me last night and this morning. I really appreciate it bubs. Are you feeling okay? Should I run you a bath?”

Max blinked the tears away and smiled softly at his boyfriend. "Don't get ahead of yourself," he teased. "It's still my turn to take care of you. But I'm feeling alright. I was about four drinks behind you all night, so the hangover's barely even there. You, however," he started with a quick kiss to Elliot's cheek. "Need another coffee."

“Mmm, yeah but like that would mean you have to get up, which means I have to get up and I’m so comfy here on top of you… Wish you could hold me like this forever.” He chuckled, his arms wrapping around the man’s neck as he made himself even more comfortable.

Max chuckled along with him and happily continued to hug his boyfriend around his waist. "You make a very good point. He rested his head against Elliot's with a content sigh. "How's your stomach feeling?"

Ellie sighed happily and peppered kisses on the man’s face. “It feels great. Thank you, baby.” He played gently with the man’s hair. “Would you ever cut your hair?” He asked, not because he didn’t like it, quite the opposite actually. He loved Maxs hair and he just didn’t want it to be a surprise when Max did. If he ever did.

Max raised an eyebrow in surprise. He definitely hadn't been expecting the random question. "Uh, wasn't planning on it, no." He shrugged. "If you ever wanted me to I might consider it, but other than that, I like it how it is. And I like when he play with it," he added with a little smile.

Elliot shook his head with a smile. “Nope, I love your beautiful, luscious, gorgeous, golden hair.” He chuckled softly and raked through the curls gently. “And I love you. I however need to get a haircut soon. Or I’ll start to look like my brother.”

Max grinned, happy with the reassurance that Elliot enjoyed his hair. He closed his eyes to fully appreciate the wonderful feeling oh his boyfriend's hands in it. After a moment re reached up similarly and wrapped a finger around a single little wave. "I like it this length," he said with a teasing pout. "And you've got a long way to go before you look like Elton."

“I don’t think I’ve ever had it longer than it is right now.” He informed Max, he had meant to go get it cut but he’d been so distracted with Max lately that he hasn’t made time to go do it. “I guess as long as I don’t dye it or get bangs I’ll be okay. You really think I should keep growing it out? But like not too long like yours. I don’t think I could pull it off as well as you do.”

Max kissed right at Elliot's hair line, then down on his jaw and finally his lips. "First of all," he said with a single raised eyebrow. "You could pull off anything, so don't give me that nonsense. Second, yeah, I think it would look really sexy a little bit longer. Maybe like... an inch, nothing too crazy."

“You’re sexy.” He grinned returning the kiss. God, when had he become such a teenager. He felt giddy in love with the most gorgeous man he’d ever met.

Max's smile took over his face and he peppered teasing little kisses all over his boyfriend. "Dont even get me started on how sexy you are, Ellie baby." He squeezed him tighter and then rolled them over so they were back to laying on the bed, his weight resting against Elliot on the mattress. "How's your head doing?" He wanted to do a quick little check in after having suddenly moved them.

Elliot let the other man lay him down and he exhaled happily on the comfortable bed. He looked up at him and smiled, his head still hurt a bit but he didn’t want Max to worry. “It’s good, Bubs. Thank you… would you maybe want to take a bath together? I could go for a hot bubble bath.” He asked as he traced his arms with his fingers gingerly.

Max stared down at where Elliot's fingers made contact with his arms. He was completely addicted to every little touch he could get from the man. "Baby, if I ever turn down the offer to lay naked with you underwater, please just go ahead and assume I've been replaced by a doppelganger." He pressed a kiss to his cheek and then got up with a groan. "You start the bath, I'll get you more coffee?"

Elliot chuckled at the man. “That’s my Maxxy.” He wrinkled his nose with a smile and nodded. “Okay, yes.” He stole another kiss before the man left for coffee. He also got up with a groan and headed for the bathroom. He walked over to the tub, double checking that it was clean(you can never be too safe), and turned the faucet on, filling the tub with hot water. For Elliot the hotter the better. He then went and brushed his teeth waiting for the tub to fill.

Max appreciated the hot steam filling the room when he arrived in the bathroom with two mugs in hand. He set them both down on the sink so he could pull of his sweats. Once the water was high enough he shut it off and stepped in to lay down first. He hissed at the first touch of the burning water but then sunk down into it. He sighed in relief and the reached his hand up to reach for his boyfriend. "Join me, baby."

Elliot spit out the water used to rinse out his mouth and smiled back at Max. “Alrighty, how’s the water?” He asked as he dropped his briefs and tossed them to the side. He’d pick them up late. He then climbed into the tub, sighing with the relief of the hot water. “Fuck.” He moan as he fully sat in the water and against his boyfriend. “Oh my god, this is the best thing ever.”

"Just shy of boiling," he joked. "So perfect." He wrapped his arms around Elliot as soon as the man settled down against him. "You got that right. Mmm, I could lay here all day." The relaxing heat of the water, the steam in the air, and the comforting weight of his boyfriend on top of him all combined to the perfect experience.

“I could fall asleep here.” He mumbled against the others skin. “I haven’t felt this relaxed in a while. Not since our first shower together.” He curled up against his body, using one of Max’s arms to wrap his arms around. “I love you, like impossibly too much.”

Max pressed a few kisses to the top and side of Elliot's head. "Insanely too much," he agreed. "I dont know how I lived before this. I know I could never go back to not having you."

“Well, you definitely had a lot more sex, so sorry about that.” He joked. “And you weren’t stuck with some neurotic clean freak who barely puts out, but you also didn’t have a rich boyfriend who could give you the world.”he sighed. “Looks like we better never break up then.” Elliot smiled up at him.

Max lightly poked Elliot's side. "Hey, stop it. You know if I had a problem with that we wouldn't be here right now. And as for being a neurotic clean freak, that just means I know everything I interact with now is clean. That's a bonus." He playfully bit down on Elliot's shoulder and then kissed him. "Never breaking up sounds good to me."

Elliot flinched with a giggle when max poked his side. “I love it when your mouth is on me.” He hummed and turned his head back to catch Max’s lips in his. He didn’t know where this came from but he was overwhelmingly filled with love for the Man. This felt genuine. “I’ve never felt like this for anyone before, Max. You should marry me. I want to marry you.”

Max returned the kiss eagerly and then froze underneath Elliot. He shifted so that he could get his boyfriend to face him properly. "Are you being serious?" He asked with a surprised expression. "Are you actually asking me to marry you right now?"

Elliot was never one to be spontaneous, everything he ever did was planned out to the T. That was, until he met Max. Nothing about being with Max was planned and for the first time Elliot didn’t mind it. In fact he loved the rush of adrenaline he got when he was with Max. He felt like he actually had a reason to live. Elliot bit his lip, not sure if Max was excited or scared or both. Surely Elliot sounded crazy but he didn’t care, he was sure about this. Or at least he wanted to be. “Dead serious… I mean I know I don’t have a ring and maybe I’m not thinking this through all the way but I never thought I’d ever want to be married until I met you. You’re the only one that’s ever made that though cross my mind.”  His heart began racing, anxiety starting to trickle in. Maybe he’d made a mistake in asking, maybe Max would hate the idea and run away from it. “You don’t have to answer, I’m sorry… it was a childish idea, god, I’ve ruined it, huh? All this and my stupid brain thinks that this would be a good idea, I mean for Christ sake we’ve only been dating for a month. I’m crazy, aren’t I?” He rambled.

As soon as Elliot took a pause in his ramble Max surged forward to kiss him. He cupped both cheeks in his hands and held his boyfriend's head lovingly. "Yes," he said breathlessly as soon as their lips separated. "The answer is yes. Let's get married. I dont care that we've only been dating a month. I already know I'm never going to feel like this about anyone else. You're the one."

Elliot was dazed as the man pulled him into a kiss, only then coming back to reality when he heard the yes come from the man’s lips. His eyes began to water immediately, happy tears welling in his eyes. “Wait, really?” His voice wavered with a smile. He didn’t know he could be this happy. Now straddling the man he gasped happily and hugged him, burrowing his face in his neck, spilling happy tears. He pulled back sniffling to look back at Max. His soon to be husband? “I love you so much.” He cried.

"Really," Max confirmed with an enormous grin. He once again threw his arms around his now fiancé to return the hug. He stole yet another kiss and then pressed their foreheads together. "I love you too, Ellie. Holy shit, we have to celebrate. Should we tell everyone? They're going to think we're fucking mad."

“We are fucking mad.” He chuckled. He thought about telling everyone but he shook his head at the younger boy. “I just want to keep this to ourselves just for a little, before all the judgment and comments from others. I want to get you a ring.” He grabbed Max’s left hand kissed his ring finger where he would soon wear an engagement ring from Ellie.

Max's heart went into overdrive as he watched Elliot kiss his finger. A ring, he thought. He was going to get a ring, to be married  with. He couldn't help but surge forward again, completely caught up in the passion of the moment, and captured his fiancé's lips in another kiss. He pulled him closer so their torsos rubbed against each other. "I'm going to fucking marry you. Wife you up so no one can take you from me," he teased.

Elliot laughed happily into the kiss as his fiancé pulled them flush together. It cause a soft moan to escape his mouth. Max being so domestic pulled it out of him. God, he was so lucky. “You’re right, we should celebrate.” He smirked at the dirty thoughts that ran through his mind and his lips now attached to the skin on his neck, kissing him and then pressing his tongue up to meet his earlobe. “I want to make love to you, bubs. Make you mine.” He whispered seductively.

They both knew that Max was quick to turn on, so just the statement alone was enough to get him ready to go. The tongue to his ear added the little bonus of a quick inhale and a whimpered moan. "Christ, yes. I am all yours, Ellie." He tilted his head and dug his fingers into his hips. "Does that mean you want to fuck me? Because I'd be more than willing."

Elliot chucked at the man’s excitement. He loved how wanted Max made him feel. “What do you want, baby boy? I think you’ve made me happy enough, taken care of me and been so good to me. I want to take care of you. So whatever you want. It’s yours.” He stared into Max’s eyes, his own brown eyes lust and love blown.

Max stared back at his love with the same intense expression. "Baby, you don't understand," he said with a completely serious tone. "In a perfect world, I could fuck you and be fucked by you at the same time. You can't just make me choose one or the other. It's like asking me if I like your eyes or your ass better. They're both perfect."

Elliot couldn’t hold back the laugh that escaped his lips. “Well, you have to chose, mate.” He laughed lovingly. “This isn’t a perfect world but there’s always next time, yeah?” He smiled as he continued kissing his skin. He knew this would be a hard choice for Max so he decided he would make it easier. “Will you make love to me? I want you to make me yours. I want you to fuck me.” He nibbled against his skin.

Max was grateful for Elliot making the decision because, in truth, he desperately wanted both sides of their love making. Tonight, he would open Elliot up for the first time and pour every single ounce of love he could into him. Elliot could do the same for him on another night and he couldn't wait to experience it.

"It'll be an honor," he replied teasingly, but deeply meaning every word. He rolled his hips up in the water to meet Elliot's ass since the man was still straddling him beautifully. "How do you like it, baby? I want to make you feel so good that you forget everything but my name."

Elliot was nervous for sure, it had been a very long time since he’d let someone fuck him, his last relationship being a girl and the previous one to that the guy was strictly a bottom, so this, this was a big deal for Ellie. “I’m going to need you to be gentle with me at first… it’s been a while.” He replied honestly as he met his hips with Max’. He could already feel that they were both hard, the water leaving nothing to the imagination.

"I can be gentle," he confirmed while taking over the kisses. He trailed them up his jaw and then down his neck. "So gentle, I'll treat you like the perfect fucking angel that you are. My gorgeous angel." He licked up his lover's neck and then nipped at his ear. "I love you so much, Ellie. I want you to fall apart under me."

His words felt like honey against his skin, sweet and lingering, sticking to every inch and Ellie loved it. No one had ever made him feel this way. “I love you, Max. I trust you.” He whispered, his eyes shutting with the pleasure of Max all over him.

"Fuck, baby, I need you." With that, Max secured his grip on the older man and slowly, carefully stood, Elliot still wrapped around his waist. He set his love down on his feet on the mat just outside of the tub. He followed him out after grabbing a towel to quickly rub them dry. Then he pulled Elliot flush to his chest and locked him in a kiss, already sick of the distance between them. He moaned against his lips as he felt their aching arousals slide along one another. He reached around to take a handful of Elliot's ass. For a moment he simply enjoyed the squeeze but soon used it to pull the man back up onto his waist. Once he was secured again he walked them out of the bathroom and over to his bed. "You're going to feel so good around me, Ellie. I'm going to make love to you so fucking gently you'll cry." He kissed him again, only separating their lips briefly as the fell onto the mattress.

The one thing Elliot never expected was how strong Max actually was. He picked Elliot up with such ease and it was extremely attractive.  Soon they were back on his bed, breakfast long forgotten. Elliot had never craved someone as much as he craved Max. Elliot moaned into the kiss, his words feeling like light touches against his skin. He was almost certain that what Max said would come true, he was known to be a crier. “I always want to make you feel good, bub. I want to give you everything you deserve.” He rolled his hips up, needing more from the man above him.

Max groaned and reached for the lube he kept in one of the slats on the side of the bed. "Do you want me to wear a condom, baby? I know we're both clean so we could go without, but I don't know if you like the feeling. You might not like the mess of going raw." He continued to pepper kisses along Elliot's neck as he spoke. He also squeezed some of the lube onto his finger and started very gently against the tight ring of muscles. He was going to go as slow as possible for his love and make it nice and smooth for him; one finger at a time stretching him open beautifully.

Elliot shook his head. “No, no. I want to feel all of you, Max.” He moaned and shut his eyes as he felt Max start to open him up. Even though he was going slow, Elliot still felt the sting, feeling like his first time all over again. He accepted it though, knowing it would only feel better with time. Soon enough it became more and more pleasurable, just knowing it was the man he loved made it feel a million times better. “Yes, baby. Feels so good.” He smiled into a moan, his head resting back against a pillow and his hands gripping at the others arms.

Max added more lube before pressing a second finger into Elliot. He bit down gently on his bottom lip and started stroking his cock slowly to distract him. "You're so fucking sexy, Ellie. I want to hear every little noise you make. Okay, baby? Be as loud as you want, I fucking love it. Love you."

Elliot scratched up and down his Fiancé’s arms as he continued to prep him. The hand on his dick making it feel incredibly better but too good. “Baby, baby… baby stop, you’re not going to make me last.” He begged. It felt so good but if he continued on they would be in trouble.

Max immediately eased off, letting go of his dick and making sure his fingers didn't go too deep. He pressed his nose to Elliot's throat and groaned. "I could make you cum right now," he moaned. "Just with my fingers. And then after a little rest I could fuck you for real; make love to you nice and slow so you cum again. Maybe even a third time. Do you think you could give me three, baby?" It was just dirty talk, of course. He didn't really expect Elliot to take it seriously.

As much as the idea sounded incredible to Elliot, he didn’t think he had the stamina to go three times. Sometimes he barely had the stamina to go once. “Max, fuck. I-I don’t know if I could do it.” He whined, wanting to give max more but knowing his limits.

Max smiled and cupped Elliot's jaw with his free hand. He pressed his thumb to the man's lips and rubbed them gently. "It's okay, Ellie baby," he reassured him. "We can explore that some other time. Or you can explore me." He added a third finger while still looking down on Elliot's face. "I bet you could pull three orgasms out of me no problem. Just keep going until I don't know if I want to beg you to stop or to give me one more." He hoped his endless talking would distract his love from any discomfort as he took his time to get him ready.

Elliot wanted to pull Max closer, wanting to  feel his whole body on top of him. He pulled him down from the back of the neck and kissed him deeply. “Oh my god, Baby, just fuck me already.” He moaned into his mouth.

Max let out a matching moan as their lips met. "Love you so much, I'll make it so good for you, baby." He pulled his fingers out slowly and rebalanced himself between Elliot's legs. He ran both hands along his thighs and up to his hips. After a moment of contemplation he gave Elliot another kiss and then shifted so he was laying beside the older man. He tugged his side to get him to shift on top. "Ride me to start, baby. You can ease yourself onto me, nice and gentle."

Elliot shook his head, he didn’t want to have that kind of control. He was afraid he wouldn’t be good enough for Max or he would embarrass himself by not being able to hold himself up properly. “I want you to be in control… I know you won’t hurt me.” He kissed Max lovingly. He couldn’t believe he was actually about to have sex with Max. He felt proud of himself for not freaking out and actually enjoying what they were doing, although nervous.

Max immediately got back up and leaned over Elliot's body. "Okay. Okay, baby. That's fine. Thank you for telling me what you want." He gave him a kiss and then leaned back to kneel between his legs. "Can you plant your feet on the bed? With your knees bent. Spread your legs for me, baby boy."

Elliot did as told and positioned himself for Max. He gazed at Max with loving eyes and a smile on his face. “Holy shit, baby. We’re doing this. Like actually doing this. I love you. I love you so much.” He reassured Max, hoping he was just as excited as Elliot was.

Max smiled down at his fiancé as he got himself in the right position. He grabbed onto his hips and lifted him up while very  slowly sinking into him. "Ellie," he practically cried his name. "You're so beautiful, so perfect for me. I'm so fucking lucky to be here with you, to see you like this."

Elliot groaned as Max entered him, he was much bigger than he expected, forgetting how full he would feel. “Fuck baby.” He moaned as he bottomed out, reaching out for Max, wanting to feel him closer. He grabbed one of his hands and the other bunched up in the sheets beneath him. “Kiss me, bubs. Please.”

Max pressed Elliot's hand down against the mattress above his head, their fingers locked together. He moaned against his lips and kissed him deeply. He stayed still inside of him, just letting him get used to the full stretch. They continued to kiss leisurely, enjoying the feeling of their bodies flush together. "Tell me when you're ready, Ellie Baby."

Elliot accepted the kisses eagerly, the hand tangled in sheets coming up to wrap around the man’s back and reached however he could to his ass, pulling him flush against him. “Oh god, Max. You feel so good. You’re so good for me, love. You can move for me now, baby. I want to feel you, all of you. So good for me.” He rambled with a moan.

As soon as he was given the go ahead Max started moving his hips. He started thrusting slowly at first, pressing deep into Elliot without out pulling out too far. He paid attention to every little sound and expression, every twitch of Elliot's muscles so he could determine exactly what made him light on fire. He tried hard to push his own desire aside for a bit, wanting to focus solely on learning his lover's body. He knew it was only a matter of time before Elliot's words of praise would break his conviction and he'd just start pounding into him like an animal.

Elliot enjoyed the slow deep thrusting from his partner. It was sweet and felt incredible but he knew they boy had to be pulling back. It was adorable. He let out soft moans and let go of Maxs hand so he could meet both hands wrapped behind his neck. He looked into his eyes, not wanting the connection to end, watching how determined the other looked. “You’re so god damn beautiful.” He whispered at the man. “Thank you for doing this for me. Thank you for being so patient with. Fuck” he let out moans in between his words. “You make me feel so good. I don’t want you holding back anymore.” He smiled and kissed him deeply, groaning into his open mouth.

Max let out a deep groan and started thrusting faster. He started to loose his rhythm as he lost himself in the exctasy of feeling Elliot clamping down around him. He used his now free hand to start stroking his dick to add to his fiancé's pleasure. He pressed his face into Elliot's neck and moaned wildly. "Fuck, baby, I love you. So perfect, so beautiful. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-" His voice caught in his throat and he could feel tears start to fall from his eyes as he came closer and closer to the edge. "I love you so much, Ellie."

This is what Elliot was waiting for. Waiting for Max to just fully let go and let his instincts take over. It was incredibly hot. “Yes, baby. That’s it.” He muttered, leaving light scratches on his shoulder as he held onto the man. His eyes shut as he felt Max wrap around him, throwing his head back in immense pleasure. “Hell, bubs. I’m… fuck.” He couldn’t even finish his sentence when he fully let go beneath the man. It was the most euphoric orgasm he’d ever had,  even blacking out for a fraction of a moment.

Hearing Elliot fall apart beneath him was the missing piece. As soon as he felt the mess of liquid on his hand he gave him a few more strokes to help him through it and then he was burying himself into his lover. He had no words, just a gasp and a deep moan as he finished. He let his head continue to rest on Elliot's shoulder as he hovered over the man's body trying to regain his breath.

Ellie didn’t care about the mess as he wrapped his arms around Max and pulled him down flush, skin to skin. He ran his fingers through the man��s hair as he came down from the high, kissing the side of his head. “That was incredible, bubs. You’re amazing.” He spoke quietly as he continued to stroke his hair.

Max let himself collapse down onto his fiancé and moved his head to rest on Elliot's chest. He still had a few lingering tears and he didn't bother trying to hide them. His heart was so full of Elliot he didn't know how to express it other than to let it out. "It's never been like that," he said sounding completely blissed out. "I feel like you're a part of me. Like if I stop touching you I won't be able to breathe." He'd be embarrassed of the rambling when he though back to it the next day, but in the moment it was the only way he could think to describe how incredibly close he felt to Elliot. "Can I stay inside you? Just a little bit longer?"

Elliot glanced down and caught the man’s tears with his fingers. Seeing Max so vulnerable with him brought tears of his own to his eyes. He understood what he was saying, he felt it too. He nodded gently and kissed his head, sniffling slightly. The emotions of of everything that had just happened hitting. Here he was with Max who he had just proposed to and then making love for the first time. He was so full, metaphorically and literally, It was the most amazing feeling. “Of course. I love you.”

Max closed his eyes and breathed deeply, feeling more relaxed and content than he could ever remember being. "I love you too." They laid together peacefully for quite a few minutes. Once he felt that his heart had started beating normally again he lifted himself up with a groan. He gave Elliot a quick peck on the lips and very gently pulled out. "I think we're going to need another bath," he joked with a tired smile.

Elliot groaned at the loss of Max inside him and chased a kiss as he pulled away.  He looked down at himself, feeling wet and sticky from everywhere, sweat and other bodily fluids sticking to him. “Yes, please…” he chuckled. “We should go shop for your ring today.” He grinned.

"My ring," he echoed back with a matching grin. He stole another kiss and then got to his feet. "We can drive over to Newcastle after we get cleaned up." Before Elliot could try to get up on his own Max snuck his arms under him and lifted him up bridal style. He wanted to save his fiancé from the discomfort of standing. He carried him back into the bathroom and paused. "Shower's probably a better idea, right?"

Elliot let out a surprised laugh when the man picked him up carrying him to the bathroom. He wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed his shoulder. “Yes, baby. Shower will be better.”

Max set Elliot down on his feet in the tub and then pulled the drain out to start getting rid of the water they'd left. "How's the soreness, babe? I only went hard for a minute at the end there but you said it's been a while, right?" After letting the water drain for a moment he turned the shower on and joined Elliot in rhe tub.

Elliot leaned against the shower wall as he spoke to the man. “I feel fine right now, bubs. Maybe later I’ll actually feel it  but don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay regardless.” He smiled and stepped under the water, moaning softly once the hot water hit his body. He loved the feeling of being clean. He brought Max under the water with him and closed his eyes as he leaned against the man and continued to let the water hit him.

Max stretched his arms out with a yawn and then wrapped them around Elliot. He rested his forehead on his fiancé's shoulder. "Good," he said contently. "We have the day, right? We should turn ring shopping into a date. Go for lunch or something. First date as fiancés."

Elliot caressed the man’s body as they stood there naked under the water. His hand went up his back then back down over his hips and to his ass, grabbing a handful. He grinned against the others skin and nodded. “Yeah, that sounds pleasant baby.” He kissed the man’s skin from his shoulder down to his arm and then his hand.

Max chuckled when he felt Elliot grab his ass. "If you're trying to turn me on again, it's working," he joked. He enjoyed having the other man's lips over his skin and he watched witha smile. After a moment he let out a small gasp. "Shit, you know what I've just realized? My mum is going to be so upset  with me that I've gotten engaged without even introducing you."

“Maybe I am?“ he smirked. “I want my fiancé to feel good” he hummed and rested his head on the other while his hands continued to roam his body. He lifted his head at the man’s gasp, biting his lip. “Considering, I don’t think my mom even knows I was dating someone, same here. Elton and Marley will probably get mad that I didn’t tell him in advance.”

Max closed his eyes with a pleased sigh. "Well, you know me, baby. Insatiable as always, continue as you like." He hadn't given much thought to anyone else, having been caught up in the moment. "Tash too," he agreed.

Elliot sighed as he rinsed off his body. “It’s okay, bubs.” He pulled Max out of the water slightly so he could look up at him and not completely inhale water. “This isn’t for anyone else but me and you. I’d they can’t accept it then I say screw them. All we can do is hope for the best baby.”

"You're right." He pushed Elliot's hair back and kissed him on the forehead. "Maybe we should tell them all at once. Siblings at least. Dinner with the five of us or something. When we're ready to that is."

“Three against two? That sounds terrifying. But honestly I’m more scared of what Elton is going to say. Marley and mom are easy.” He sighed, a bit of anxiety creeping up as he tried to suppress the thought.

Max could tell by now when Elliot was starting to feel uneasy so he hugged him tight and started dramatically kissing all over his face. "Elton is smart enough to know how happy I make you," he said between his playful kisses. "And whatever any of them say, we'll deal with it together."

Elliot loved how easily Max could ease his mind. He giggled at the kisses as they tickled his skin. He nodded and let out another sigh of relief and wrapped his arms around the others waist. “I just love you so much. I don’t want anything to come between us.”

Max stared lovingly into Elliot's eyes as they embraced one another. He wore a small smile. "Believe me, Ellie, there's nothing on this fucking Earth that could make me let go of you. You're stuck with me now, baby."

Elliot grinned as they locked eyes. He doesn’t remember ever feeling this happy or this in love. “I can’t wait to call you my husband.” He beamed and kisses the man’s lips., gripping at his hips to keep him close.

[before-we-get-started]

Safe Landing

One shot that is my entry to @what-is-your-plan-today’s #CATFA 10th Anniversary Challenge

Story:  You’re facing the most difficult time of your life and you’re doing it without the person that means the most to you.  Will your seatmates on an important flight help you make it through?

Pairing:  Steve Rogers & Ransom Drysdale x Reader (plus a surprise special appearance!)

Warnings:  Bad language, light smut, angst

10,000+ words

There’s not going to be a safe landing.

It was the unknown that was the hardest.  The what if.  What if you’d taken the time to slow down?  What if you’d given more than you took?  What if you’d appreciated it, not taken it for granted, not just assumed that it would always be there?

You were alone now.  You didn’t have anyone.  It was probably what you deserved.  You’d persevere, you always had, but knowing you wouldn’t have to if you’d been better caused your heart to clench.

The longest flight of your life was coming to an end, and you considered the travelers making this journey with you by chance.  You’d all shared a row on the plane that was taking you to meet your fate.  One - cynical, crass, growing up longing to be loved, incapable of committing, but under it all, possessing a fierce loyalty for those he deemed worthy.  The other – a gentle, loving soul, committed to service with honor and willing to give all, not just for those he loved, but for the greater good.  They were complete strangers who had seeped into your soul, spirits that would forever fill you, thoughts of them making you smile.

For better or worse, they’d helped you navigate the mine field that was your future. Now you’d endure the unbearable wait, the long walk, watching others unite with loved ones, hoping that maybe, despite all odds, there would be a reunion for you too.  You hoped the soul-soothing moments you’d shared with these two travelers over the last three hours would ease you into whatever awaited you at the airport gate.

Despite everything, you wished he’d be there.  

Three hours earlier

“Thank you for flying National Airlines.”  You forced a smile at the flight attendant as you boarded the plane.  It was going to be a full flight and you were stuck in a middle seat.  Appropriate, given the mood you were in.  You waited impatiently as everyone made their way down the aisle, hoisting bags that were too large to fit in the overhead, straps smacking you as they did.  You pitied your seat mates. You were in no mood for idle conversation. Your temper was wearing thin.

Finally reaching row 12, you were thrilled that no one else had arrived. You plopped into your seat, pulled out your compact and opened it, and grimaced as you took a quick look.  There were circles under your eyes, telling everyone you’d not slept well for days.  You’d definitely lost your sparkle.  You swiped some powder over your nose and ran gloss over your lips, something to make you look less stressed.  You opened your backpack and got a whiff of your grandmother’s scent. You ran your hand over her letter, lingering.  With a sigh, you took the cell phone, headphones and book out of your bag, tucked the letter into the book and stowed the bag under the seat in front of you. You found your seat belt and clicked it, giving it a tug.  Whoever was sitting by the window would have to step around you, you weren’t getting up again.  Music on, book open, you pushed all the sad and empty thoughts aside and got lost in another world.

Within a couple of minutes, you heard shouting and pulled off your headphones. 

You looked up to see a tall man in a blue cashmere sweater and gray silk trousers with his finger in the face of an attendant.  

“Let me tell you something.  You don’t know who you’re fucking with.  Drysdales don’t fly fucking coach – ever.  I’ll sue you and I’ll own this stupid airline.”

“Mr. Drysdale, I’m sorry.  This was the seat that was chosen when the ticket was purchased,” said the flight attendant in a surprisingly calm manner.  “This is a full flight and there is no room for you to upgrade to first class.  And despite what you may think, I had absolutely nothing to do with how the ticket was booked, nor do I have any ability to change the fact that you are in seat 12D.  Now, can I help you stow your bag?  I’ll have a cocktail cart here for you soon.”

You thought he might continue the fight, but he didn’t. Instead he slammed his jacket down on the seat next to you and made a show of slinging his bag into the overhead, muttering a string of expletives the entire time.  Then he looked down at you.

“Just fucking awesome,” he said angrily, picking his jacket up and wedging into the seat.  He was tall and he worked to figure out how to fit his long legs in the legroom designated for the impoverished that were banished to coach.  He sighed in disgust, his knees against the seat tray.  

You studied him for just a second, not wanting to stare.  He had a strong profile, chiseled jawline, dark blonde hair perfectly styled.  His skin was gorgeous, with a slight hook in his nose.  You looked down and caught how his biceps were stretching the sweater a bit and his big hands with long slender fingers settled in his lap.  He smelled of expensive cologne – musky and woody, and he probably had a cigarette before he came into the airport.  He laid his head back against the seat and closed his eyes.  You took the hint and put your headphones back in, finding the folded page corner in your book.

Within a minute or so, you were aware of a buzz among the other passengers.  You paused the music and pulled out a headphone, looking around and listening.

“I’m certain that’s him,” whispered the woman behind you.  

“No way.  There’s no way Captain America is sitting in coach,” said her husband.

“Do you think he’d take a selfie with me?” said their daughter.

You couldn’t see anything down the aisle and certainly didn’t want to stretch into your neighbor’s seat space given his attitude about having to fly with the peasants.  No need to stress about it though, because the overhead light was suddenly blocked out by an incredibly wide set of shoulders.  The tall blonde man looming over top of you in the aisle took your breath away.  Ice blue eyes, those shoulders as broad as a building, a t-shirt that was screaming to break free from the massive pecs, abs and biceps it struggled to cover, and jeans that hugged his tree trunk thighs.  You weren’t sure how this guy made it through the door of the plane, let alone how he was going to fit into a seat.  

“I’m sorry,” he said to Mr. Attitude next to you.  “I’m the window.”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me,” said Mr. Drysdale.

The blonde adonis just smiled and apologized again.  “Sorry, I should’ve already been seated, I got held up in security.”

The crab apple next to you rose and stepped out into the aisle. They were both the same height, and you took a long look, your breath catching in your throat.  There was a lot of handsome man standing in the aisle, and they were getting ready to make a hottie sandwich out of you.  You quickly unsnapped your seatbelt and stood so the blonde god could get past.

“Hi,” he said, a smile that revealed his pearly whites taking your breath away again.  “I’m so sorry, promise you won’t have to get up again.”

“No worries,” you barely squeaked out as that incredible ass in those tight jeans brushed past and slipped into the window seat.  You sat down, your arms at your sides, absolutely no room on the armrests for you with all of this man surrounding you.  Holy shit.

You looked to your left and the blonde extended a hand. “Steve Rogers,” he said, that million watt smile on again.  

“I’m Y/N,” you said, feeling the warmth and strength of his hand. How in the hell had you ended up on a flight next to Captain America?  You didn’t think anything could change your mood, but maybe you were wrong.

He extended his hand across you to the aisle seat occupant.  “Steve Rogers,” he said in his sexy baritone. Mr. Drysdale raised an eyebrow in annoyance and hesitated, then quickly shook his hand.  “Ransom Drysdale.  And I shouldn’t be sitting in this seat,” he said sourly.

Steve raised an eyebrow at you and grinned, unsure what to think about your seatmate.  You shrugged and smiled.

“We’ve been cleared for takeoff. Be sure your seatbelts are fastened, all items are stowed and tray tables are up.  We’ll be taxiing out to the runway in a few minutes.” The flight attendant walked up the aisle, making sure all the overhead compartments were secure.

You were glad you had pulled what you needed from your bag when you sat, because it would take a can opener to pry you out of your seat at this point.  You opened the book again and tried to concentrate on the words.  Captain Rogers was settling into his seat, turning off his cell phone and trying to pull the seatbelt around his waist.  With some effort, you finally heard it click.

“These seats are incredibly tight.  I’ve never flown coach before.  It’s crazy how little room there is.”

“Tell me about it,” said Ransom, rolling his eyes.  “When I get home, I’m firing my assistant over this reservation and making sure no one else will ever hire her,” he snarled.

You tried looking back and forth during the conversation, enjoying the view, but even that movement was difficult.

“So I thought Avengers traveled by quinjet,” you said to the captain.

He smiled at you.  “We normally do, but I had to get out of town quickly and there wasn’t one available. My wife is having early labor pains and I need to get to her as soon as I can.”  There was worry in his blue eyes.

“Oh, I love your wife,” you said.  “She’s amazing.  She has raised so much money with her foundation, done so much for so many. She’s an inspiration, and a badass,” you added.

He chuckled.  “Well, her badass days are behind her.  Being a mom kind of makes that difficult.”

You smiled at him and shook your head.  You were conversing with Captain America about his family.  Had this day taken a turn or what?

“I can’t believe they couldn’t find you a private plane or something,” said Ransom.  “I would’ve bitched to the airline if I were you.”

“It’s hard to find air transportation right now with all the events happening here and the weather cancelling flights.  I’m just grateful that I got what I got.  The doctors gave her something to slow her labor so I should get there in plenty of time,” said Steve.

“It’s your second, right?” you said.

“Yes, we have a son.”

“Do you know what you’re having?” you asked.

He smiled broadly, all the way to his eyes.  “It’s a girl,” he said, and you thought about what a lucky little girl she was to have a daddy so thrilled to be having her.  It wasn’t that way for everyone.

The plane jerked a bit as it began backing away from the gate.  You laid your head back against the seat, fighting the anxiety that was suddenly overtaking you.  You’d only flown a once before and you’d found taking off and landing nearly more than you could take.  On that flight, he was with you, his hand over yours, whispering in your ear that it would be ok and “I’ve got you, baby girl.”  You closed your eyes and smiled at the memory, imaging him next to you.  Then just as suddenly, the memory of him pressing you against the wall, kissing you with abandon flooded your brain and your eyes flew wide open, your body jerking a bit.

“You ok?” Steve asked.

You could feel the heat rise in your neck.  “Yes,” you said shyly.  “Just not a fan of takeoffs.”

“Flying is the safest form of transportation,” said Ransom matter-of-factly.  “You’ll be fine.”

You looked over at him, that chiseled profile staring straight ahead, a scowl on his face.  He’d better watch out or he’d freeze that way.  You grinned at the memory of your grandmother telling you that every time you rolled your eyes.

Steve reached over the armrest and took your hand, covering it with his.  “Flying isn’t my favorite thing either,” he said with a smile and you wrapped your fingers around his thumb.

The flight attendant announced that the cabin was secure and takeoff could commence and the plane slowed, stopping to let another plane pass. The engine whirred and the plane jerked forward, gaining speed, the noise louder and louder.  You squeezed Steve’s thumb a little harder and he returned the squeeze, holding your hand tightly in his big warm one.  The plane began to lift, knocking you back slightly and you went with gravity, straightening your back and laying against the seat, eyes closed, working on breathing normally.  It was unnerving feeling your body lifting from the seat a little.  The loss of control made your heart race, but gently, as the plane rose and then leveled off, your body was once again calm.

You looked over at Steve and he gave you a reassuring smile. “Thanks,” you said softly.  You let go of his thumb.

“No problem,” he said softly, pulling his hand away.  

“My boyfriend normally does that for me,” you said.  And, you were sad again.

“Is that where you’re traveling, to see him?” Steve asked.

You chewed on your bottom lip, looking down at your lap.  “No, my grandmother passed away and I’m going to sort out her home and belongings,” you sighed.  “He won’t be there.  He’s done with me.”  

“What does that mean?” asked Ransom.

You sighed.  “It’s kind of a long story.”

“Well, we’ve got three hours to kill,” Steve said with a smile.

“Jesus Christ,” muttered Ransom, pulling out the airline magazine in an attempt to disappear.

Steve nudged your elbow and smiled.  “Tell me about him.”

You smiled.  “I’ve known him since second grade,” you smiled.  “We started dating in seventh grade.  He’s the only guy I’ve ever been with.”

Ransom let out a disgusted laugh next to you.  You looked over at him.  “Not a romantic, Ransom?”

“Uh, no,” he sputtered.  “Hell no.  Seriously, how old are you?”

You told him your age.

“Jesus, and you’ve only ever been with one guy?  That’s ridiculous.”

You felt Steve’s hand pat your arm.  You looked at him and he rolled his eyes, looking at Ransom.  “I think it’s great you’re with your school sweetheart,” he said.  “You must have some pretty strong feelings for him if you’ve been that loyal to him.”

“I do,” you sighed sadly.  “I thought he was my forever.”

“How can you possibly know that?” said Ransom.  “He’s the only guy you’ve ever been with.”

“I just know,” you said.  “We have a history.’

“Tell me more,” said Steve.

“Well…”

“Where is she?”

“She’s up front, sitting on the pew.”

“What’s going to happen?”

“I heard she’ll go with her grandmother.”

The chatter continued at the back of the church just after the funeral had ended. Sitting all alone in the front was an 8-year-old girl in tights, a black velvet dress, black patent shoes and a bow in her hair.  A large spray of pink tulips flowed over the edge of the oak casket in front of her.  

While the adults gossiped, an 8-year-old boy in a suit and tie emerged from the back and walked up the aisle.  He stood at the edge of the first pew, then sat at the end and slid down until he was next to the girl.  He took her hand in his and when she looked at him, he gave a gap-toothed smile. “It’s ok Y/N.  I’ll take care of you.”  The little girl smiled back.

 “My grandmother passed away last month,” you told Steve.

His blue eyes showed concern.  “I’m so sorry.”  He patted your arm.

Ransom let out a sarcastic chuckle.  For someone who didn’t want to talk, he was finding his way into your conversation.  You turned your face to him, unsure what type of asshole laughs at someone’s death.

He looked at you and immediately his face was serious.  “I’m sorry too,” he said.  “I was laughing because my grandmother was the only person on the planet that ever gave a shit about me.  She was the most amazing person I ever knew.”

You couldn’t help but feel for him, despite his incredibly rough edges.

“Well, my grandmother was really amazing too,” you said.  “She got stuck with me when I was little and she did a great job raising me.”

You’d moved in with her at an incredibly difficult time.  Your grandfather had passed less than a year before, and then your mother, her only child.  Taking you in was never in doubt, she would do so gladly, but it was a challenge that she struggled with many times.

Enter him.  He was only a child, but he had, as they say, “an old soul.”  He became your constant companion and a fixture in your grandmother’s home.  You could feel her tension ease when he arrived.  For a little while, she didn’t have to worry if she was making the right decisions for you, bridging the generation gap.  When the two of you were together, you were in sync and well behaved.

You told them how, from the time you moved in with your grandmother, he became your protector.  He walked you to and from school every day, carrying your lunchbox so you could pick flowers along the way.  At recess, he ran to the teeter totter to save it until you got there, and when you climbed on a swing, he pushed you so high you felt like you were flying.

You played baseball with boys until sixth grade and he was always on your team.  When you made the cheerleading squad, he helped you learn all the cheers and during the game, you’d see him on the sidelines with the team, miming your cheers from memory.  

His family was difficult.  His father drove a truck all over the country and was gone for long periods of time.  His mother liked to drink, a little too much, and wasn’t always kind to her children. Despite her treatment, her neglect of her children, he had grown up well-mannered and respectful.  You liked to think your grandmother had a lot to do with that.

“I lost my Ma when I was in my teens,” said Steve.  You knew his story, and that he would have lost her decades ago, but losing your mother was still hard.

Ransom scoffed.  “I should be so lucky,” he said under his breath.

You looked at him.  “Did you just wish your mother dead?” you said sternly.

He looked at you.  “Trust me, the world would be a much better place,” he muttered.

You glared at him for a minute, then turned your attention back to Steve.

“My mom was wonderful,” you said, the memory of her flooding your mind. “She was that mom – the one that did all the fun stuff.  She was creative and an incredible cook and her house was open to everyone.  She was just, she was the best,” you said, tears creeping into your voice.  You felt Steve’s arm push into yours just a bit, the contact easing your sadness.

“My mother is a spoiled rotten bully.  All she cares about is spending money and making people think she’s better than everyone,” Ransom spat out.  “I honestly don’t know why she even had me – actually, I do.  She wouldn’t be nearly as happy if she didn’t have the opportunity to tell me what a disappointment I am every occasion she gets.”

“She sounds like a character out of a movie,” you said.

He looked at you.  “Absolutely fucking no one would watch that movie,” he said deadpan.

Steve cleared his throat.  “So, when did you and your boyfriend get serious?”

“I think we just always knew we’d be together,” you said.  “We were inseparable and we loved each other from that moment in the church.  No one ever invited just one of us to something, it was always both of us.”

“That’s special,” said Steve.  “Some people never find their soulmate.  I was so lucky to find mine when I did.  She helped me discover the world when I came out of the ice.  She’s truly the better half of me.”

You couldn’t help but poke the bear a little.  “Ransom, you’ve never been in love?  Ever?”

He looked at you and rolled his eyes.  “Nope,” he said, popping the P.  “Love is for fools.  Life is too short to be with one person.  There’s a buffet of beauty out there and I’m happy to be the first in line.”

You looked at Steve, who was suppressing a little smile.  “You just haven’t found the right person,” he said, also poking the bear a bit.

“There is no ‘right person’ for me, of that I am sure,” he spat. “I’m fine taking care of me. Don’t need to worry about anyone else expecting something from me I can’t give them.”  He was back to looking at his magazine, acting disinterested. “Besides, anyone that claims to ‘love’ me is lying – they’re really only in love with my money.”

“Aw, Ransom,” you said with a grin, “are you saying you’re not lovable?”

“Wouldn’t you like to find out,” he said in a deep, flirty voice, and for the first time, he smiled.

You could hear Steve chuckling softly next to you.

“Y/N, he’s here!”  You could hear your grandmother’s voice from the bottom of the stairs.  You looked in the full length floor mirror one more time. She’d spent hours making your prom dress, just like you’d asked.  It was a beautiful coral color, strapless with a beaded bodice and lace around the top and bottom.  It flared as it reached the floor, and you poked your pink-painted toes in strappy gold heels out from under it.  Around your neck were the pearls your mother had gotten from your great-grandparents for her high school graduation.  Your hair was half up with braids on either side joined in the back with a ribbon clip, the rest down in waves on your shoulders.  

Waiting for you was the guy you wanted to spend your life with.  Every moment with him was special.  Your love for him had blossomed and thinking of a future with him filled your heart.  Tonight, you were sure the two of you would come together in a way you never had. You were ready, past ready, and you knew he was too.  What you felt for him was so deep, you wanted to give him all of you, and you knew he’d take you, just as you are, and cherish you.

As you descended the stairs, he looked up at you and you thought, this must be how the bride feels when her groom sees her for the first time.  He consumed you with his eyes, taking you in from head to toe. With three steps to go, he stepped forward and reached for your hand.  He was so warm and he pulled you to him, a hug and sweet kiss to your glossed lips.  His smile was contagious.  

“You’re my dream,” he said, placing a corsage around your wrist, a pink tulip (your very favorite) in the center.  “Let’s go so I can show you off.”

When you walked into the gymnasium, you saw the looks you got.  Girls were wearing expensive dresses from the best designers, hair and makeup done professionally.  You knew your dress wasn’t as nice and that you stood out in comparison.  But he made you feel as if you were more.  He danced with you all night, making sure to stand in the center of the dance floor so everyone could see you.  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered in your ear. “You’re exquisite.”  As you both worked the room, talking to friends, he would start the conversation with “how did I get so lucky?” or “look at my beautiful girl.”  You were so happy to be on his arm, by his side.

The evening flew by, the last song played by the DJ, and kids started filing out of the gym. You were sad to leave but your entire body was tingling with anticipation.  He opened the door to his dad’s car for you and as you drove away, you wondered if he was as excited as you.  You weren’t nervous, just anxious.

He drove you down the long road to the lake you’d been visiting since you were kids. He parked the car in a grove of trees, shielded by overgrown bushes.  When he looked at you, it felt like he looked deep inside you.  

He pressed a kiss to your lips, his fingers under your chin, lifting your mouth to his. You let out a little noise, deepening the kiss.  He pressed his forehead to yours, eyes closed, savoring your touch.

“Are you ready for this?” he whispered.  It sent chills all over you.

“Yes,” you breathed, kissing him again.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he said reassuringly, but you were already pulling off the tie to his tux, unbuttoning the buttons at his throat and down his chest, your fingers brushing his pecs as you went.  He gently pulled the dress down your arms, exposing your bare breasts.  You’d seen him so many times but tonight, you wanted to devour his toned, muscled body, his tanned skin, the prize for hard work at his uncle’s farm.  You wanted to worship him the way he’d always worshiped you. You kissed his soft lips, pressing your breasts to his chest.  

He took a shuddering breath, moving down to kiss and nip along your collarbone to your neck as you pulled the shirt from his body.  You laid your head back, exposing your throat, allowing him to kiss along the shaft to your chest, down your sternum.  You looked in his eyes as he gently touched your breast with his hand, then dipped his head down to gently take a pebbled nipple into his mouth. He was so warm and gentle, you thought you might explode right then.  You lifted yourself to pull the dress off, leaving you in your lace panties and your gold high heels.  He leaned back to take a look at you, then dove in again to your breasts, giving each of them attention.  

Slowly his hands made their way down your belly to the edge of your panties.  He gently laid you back on the seat and you lifted your legs, reaching to undo his belt and pants.  He toed off his shoes and socks, then managed to pull his pants and boxers off under the steering wheel.  He pulled the condom from his wallet and stretched it over his hard, weeping cock.  With a look that made you shiver, he crawled over you, his arms caging you on either side of your head.  It was a tight squeeze but it worked.  As he began kissing you, you lifted your hips, touching him.  He was ready for you and you for him.  He lined himself up with you and very slowly entered you. You winced and his hands went to your hair, kissing your forehead, your nose.  

“You ok?” he asked softly.

“Mm hmm,” you hummed, pulling at his hips, feeling him go deeper inside you.  His lips found yours as he found a gentle rhythm. He took you in, his eyes roaming your face, that smile that melted your heart.  You laid your head back and he assaulted your neck with kisses as his rhythm picked up.  

No matter what you had imagined, nothing would feel like this.  He fit you perfectly.  Your heart swelled and you let out a little sob of happiness as his rhythm grew faster.

“I love you Y/N,” he said in your ear.  “Always.”

“I love you too,” you managed, followed by a moan from deep in your throat that made him growl in approval.  

He quickened his pace and you lifted to him even more, feeling the coil in your lower belly tightening.

“I’m – oh, I’m so…”

“It’s ok baby, I’ve got you.”

His voice was so soft and husky in your ear, you let go, a sound you couldn’t describe escaping as you reached your climax.  You ran your fingernails down his muscular back, then settled in the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him in for a kiss.

“God Y/N, fuck, you feel so good, you’re so good for me.”  His movements began to stutter as he found his release and you held him tightly to you as he finished, his head falling to your shoulder.  You both lay there in the dark, panting, your bodies on fire.  

“You’re amazing,” you said in a soft voice, your fingers running down his back.

He lifted slowly, propping his head in his hand.  He trailed his fingers down your chest to your breasts.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” he grinned.

“It was so good!” you said.  You nuzzled his neck, kissing him softly there.  “I want more,” you breathed into his ear.

He laughed and kissed you. You both cleaned up a bit and you started all over again, this time straddling him on the seat.  He let you lead this time and you explored his hard, fit body, covering his face and chest in kisses.  When you lowered yourself onto him, your palms were flat against his chest as you mewled your release, and you held him through his.  It was incredible.  When he walked you to your door early that morning, you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him as if it would be the last time you’d have the chance.  You could tell you took his breath away as he came up for air.

“I love you,” you said, looking into his eyes and never meaning anything more in your life.

He smiled and pulled you to him.  “I love you too,” he whispered in your ear.

As he drove away, your mind was filled with your future, the two of you living a life full of nights like tonight.  As you drifted off to sleep, you could still feel his skin on yours.

 You shared, but not quite all of it, with your seatmates.  

“So if he’s so amazing, why won’t he be there when you arrive?” Ransom asked.

You knew hurt crossed your face, it was impossible to hide.  “Our lives, they just went different directions. I never thought they would, but they did.  And then –“ You let out a shaky sigh.  “Then he didn’t need me anymore.”  Your voice trailed off.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” said Steve, sounding like a father.  “It’s ok.”

“Maybe you should,” said Ransom, “get it all out so that if you’re disappointed when we land, it’s not so bad.”

You rested back against your seat and played it in your mind again. You told them a little about after high school and where you both ended up.

“It was my fault.  I gave up on us.  I pushed him away.  He wasn’t my priority.  For all I know, it didn’t even hurt him.  I’m sure it was much easier with me out of the way.”

“That’s a lot of conjecture,” said Ransom.  “Sounds like you had your reasons.”

“I guess he couldn’t really help being away from you,” said Steve sympathetically.  “I can tell you from experience there’s nothing worse than being separated from the one you love most.”

Ransom rolled his eyes.  “We all make choices,” he said sarcastically.

Steve sighed.  “I don’t regret any I’ve made,” he said sternly.

“Then be prepared to deal with the consequences.”  He looked at you.  “If your boyfriend really loved you, he wouldn’t have taken a job shrouded in so much mystery.  He would’ve been available to you.  Maybe him taking the job was just the coward’s way of saying he wanted to explore other options.”

“Or maybe he felt it was what he needed to do to take the best care of her,” said Steve.  You heard what you bet was probably his captain’s voice.

Ransom looked him dead in the eye.  “Look Captain Self Righteous, if love is that important to you, there’s nothing that says you’ve had to take the chances you’ve taken.  You didn’t have to become a super soldier either. Choices.  If Y/N’s boyfriend had made her a priority, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Steve gave an exasperated sigh and shook his head.

“I honestly don’t blame him for moving on, I just wish he’d tried harder to tell me we were through.  That’s all.” Tired of talking, you opened your book, put on your headphones and tried to get lost in the story.

 “Y/N, can you hear me?”

“Yes, barely,” you answered.  The connection was bad.  Who knew where he was calling from, or what kind of signal he had.  

“Don’t hang up,” he said hopefully.

“I won’t.”

It was the next natural step for you to go to college, but he needed something else. He was adventurous, energetic, crazy almost, and he needed something else.  So he’d joined the Army as you went away to school.  You were scared to be separated but he’d assured you the bond you had couldn’t be broken.  He got to explore the world, facing difficult situations and enjoying the adrenaline rush. You couldn’t help but worry but he told you not to, he was in his element.  And despite the distance, you’d made up for the time with letters, texts, phone calls, photos and even intimacy via cell phone.  Your senior year of college began the same time as the last year of his enlistment.  About halfway through the year, you sensed something had changed.  He was disillusioned with his superiors and had fallen in with a group of soldiers that were fed up.  

Each time he’d visit somewhere new, he’d send you a memento.  “Wish you were here with me.  This would be so much better with you.  Someday, I’m taking you all over the world.  I can’t wait until we’re together.”  You dreamed of it too, if you could just find the path to come back together.

Soon, many of those calls, texts and letters seemed to be from someone you didn’t know. And as he was moving forward and finding his path, you were finding yours.  You’d taken a job in Chicago, hundreds of miles from him and your grandmother.  It was your dream job, and you’d always imagined life in the city.  Some of your friends were headed that way and you talked of sharing an apartment and all the fun you’d have.  For the first time, you questioned whether he’d be a part of it.

Once graduation was over, you’d said goodbye to your grandmother and the small town where you’d grown up and headed off for your next adventure.  And he had begun his.  He left the service and took a job with the chance to make a lot of money so that the two of you could pick where you wanted to be and settle down, build your dream house and fill it with kids, just like you’d always hoped.  He just needed you to be patient with him.  

The job was tough.  He traveled for weeks without communicating and you found yourself living as if he wasn’t there anymore.  When you did speak, for the first time in your lives, it would end in a fight.  

“I’m doing my best here,” he’d say.  You could hear the stress in his voice.  “This isn’t forever.  I’m going to get to a place where we can be together and our lives will be just like we imagined.”

“How can you be so sure?” you asked, the words stinging as you said them.  “How can you be sure we should even still be together? We’re both so different.”

“We’re not, Y/N.  You’re still what I want.  We just have to hold on for a little while longer.”

 “Sounds like his job was pretty intense,” said Steve, his face looking serious.

“It was.  And very secret. He couldn’t tell me much.  I’m sure you know about that.”

“I do,” he said.  “It’s not easy to not be able to share everything with the one person you trust the most.  But sometimes it’s for your own protection.”

“I know,” you said.  “And I’m proud of him.  He didn’t always have it so easy,” she said, glancing at Ransom, “but he worked hard, and he was doing it for me.”

Ransom raised an eyebrow at you.  “I see.  I was handed everything and you think I’ve never done an honest day’s work in my life.”

You looked at his velvety smooth, sexy hands.  “Have you?”

He blinked.  “Probably not the way you think, but I’m not totally useless.  And you don’t have to risk your life every time you go to work to be successful,” he said, shooting Steve a look.

Steve grinned.  “Trust me, it’s not exactly what I would’ve chosen for myself.  It’s a situation that found me and I’ve worked hard to accept it.”

“Yes, must be brutal to be built like that.  Do you carry a club to beat the women away?  Or do you just ask them nicely to stop climbing you,” Ransom said with a sardonic smile.

You cleared your throat.  “Anyway, I could just feel things changing between us and I felt really lost, but also kind of empowered.  I’d moved away from home, stepped away from him and I was a success. And if I’m honest,” she said, eyeing Ransom, “I wondered what it might be like to date someone else.”

He let out a sarcastic laugh.

“And then everything changed…”

 A few weeks later, you’d received a text in the middle of the night.  “Meet me at the wheel at Navy Pier on the 25th at midnight.  There’s something I need to tell you.”

You’d scoffed at the invitation.  “If you’re coming to Chicago, come stay with me.  Why are we meeting at midnight?”

“It’s just the way we need to do it, for now.  Promise me you’ll be there.”

As the day approached, you found yourself immersed in work and trying to finish a project with an approaching deadline.  You didn’t understand why, after not seeing each other for so long, he wouldn’t just come to your place, let you make him dinner, spend the night with you.  Why must it be so clandestine?

You texted him – “You need to come to me.  I have a lot of work and I’m on a deadline.  If you love me, you’ll come stay with me so we can catch up properly.”

You didn’t hear back from him and on the evening he’d asked to meet you, you’d fallen asleep at your desk at home while working to finish your assignment.  

“Y/N, are you coming?”  “Where are you?”  “Please, I need to see you.”  He kept texting but the late hours you’d been keeping had you in a deep sleep.  

When your alarm went off for work, you shuffled into the shower, the hot water serving as a wake-up call.  Suddenly your eyes flew open – you’d slept through midnight!  You jumped from the shower, shampoo still in your hair, and grabbed for your phone.  It was dead. You plugged it in, finished bathing and scampered back to your nightstand for the phone.  

You read his texts and tears flooded your eyes.  He’d come all the way to Chicago and you missed him.  You called, then sent a flurry of texts but there was no response.  

He’d wanted to tell you something urgently and you’d totally blown him off.  How did you get here?  This was the love of your life.  You should’ve been there with open arms.  How long had it been since you’d held him, kissed him?  You suddenly felt as if you’d been punched in the gut.  You tried to catch your breath, frantically calling him again and again but no answer.

You began a series of texts explaining that you’d gotten caught up in work, and even though it wasn’t more important than he was, you’d fallen asleep and lost track of time.  Could you please meet him somewhere else?  You’d come to him, wherever he was.  You wouldn’t tell anyone where you were going, you just needed to see him. Despite pouring your heart out to him, there was no response.

Until one night, when you’d phoned him for the millionth time, and someone answered. “Hello?” said a sultry female voice.  Thinking you had the wrong number, you were about to speak when you heard his voice in the background.  She said his name and you heard his husky baritone, a laugh in his voice.  You quickly ended the call.

This was what he wanted to tell you – he’d found someone else.  No wonder he never called back, never returned your texts. It was over and you’d made it easy for him.

Despite the cramped quarters, both of your seatmates managed to doze off during the flight.  Steve had crammed his jacket between his head and the wall of the plane and was softly snoring.  Ransom, with no respect for body space, had allowed his head to dip over onto your shoulder.  You didn’t mind, you were glad he could rest.  You couldn’t help but feel for him.  It would be awful to have so much money, but be completely without anyone to love you, even your family.  He smelled good and you settled down into your seat, staying as still as you could.

The time was counting down until you arrived at your destination and you hadn’t read the letter.  You just didn’t think you could take it.  Hearing your grandmother’s final thoughts when she knew her life was ending (but no one else did) was almost too much.  Her last wishes were important, it was your responsibility to see them through.  With each of your seatmates comfortably resting, you slowly opened the envelope.  Your grandmother’s scent hit you immediately, and you felt tears burn at your eyes.

You unfolded the delicate stationery.  It was powder blue with a scalloped edge.  You’d bought if for her for Mother’s Day a few years back.  She loved writing letters and leaving you notes, and the delicate femininity of the paper fit her perfectly.

“My Sweet Y/N,

As you read this, please know that I’m so sorry that I’ve left you.  Raising you was my greatest accomplishment.  I made mistakes with your mother, so I worked hard to be patient with you, and really listen.  I cherish what we had and want you to know how proud I am of you, the wonderful young woman you’ve become.”

You wiped the tear that had begun to roll down your cheek and sniffed softly.  It was harder than you’d even imagined.

“I’m sorry I didn’t share my diagnosis with you until the end, but I wanted you to continue to move forward.  I knew that if I told you, you’d insist on being with me.  I didn’t want you sitting by my bed while I slept when you could be enjoying your life.  You gave me your very best, I owed it to you to let you go and find your future.”

You thought of all the times you’d meant to pick up the phone and call her, but something else had come up and you’d simply pushed her to the back of your mind.  The thought of it made you wince.  How hard would it have been to just call and say hello?   Had she not earned that from you?

“I’m not leaving much behind.  The house is yours to do with as you please.  I know it’s old and not what you might want, but I can’t help but think, knowing how good you are with decorating, that you could make it a home you’d love and enjoy.  However, if you choose to sell it, please know I’m fine with that decision as well. Don’t feel guilty.  Your future is where you make it.”

The house was certainly old and dated, not what you had in mind.  Not to mention you never planned to return to your old hometown.  You didn’t know what you’d do there if you did.  And now, there was even less reason to return.

“My biggest regret is not seeing your face when he proposed to you.  I can only imagine how it felt when he put your mother’s ring on your finger and asked you to be his wife.  That giant Ferris wheel at Navy Point was a perfect backdrop.

When he came to pick it up, he said he’d always dreamed of settling in this little house, but he knew Chicago was your home now, so he wanted to ask you in the place that was important to you.  I will rest peacefully knowing that you have someone so special to take care of you.”

You froze, then let out a strangled cry.  Steve jerked awake, his hand flying to your shoulder.

“Y/N, what is it?  Are you ok?”

Finally, you let go.  There was no holding back.  You put your face in your hands, sobs shaking your shoulders.

“Jesus, what did you do?” Ransom asked Steve as he touched your other shoulder, bending down to look at you.

“Nothing!  I woke up and she was crying.”

How could you have not seen this? Why did you doubt him?  It suddenly washed over you how he must’ve felt, standing there in the dark, alone, waiting for you, to ask you the biggest question of your lives.  

Your sobs increased, though you were trying to stifle the noise, considering you were on a full airplane with two beefcakes on either side of you worried.

“Y/N,” Ransom said, his lips close to your ear.  He put his hand on your back and rubbed gentle circles. “Talk to us.  What happened?”

You slowly sat up, Steve taking your hand in his.

“Oh my God, you guys, I blew it.  I totally blew it.  I broke his heart.  I can’t believe I did this to him.”

The two men looked at each other, question on their faces.

“Did what?” Ransom said softly.

You held up the letter.  “This is from my grandmother.  I’ve put off reading it because I was so sad to know it was the last communication I’d have with her.  He was coming to propose to me.  At Navy Pier. He picked up my mother’s ring from my grandmother,” you said softly.  Saying it out loud made it even worse. You couldn’t stop the flow of tears that fell from your eyes.

“Oh man,” Ransom said quietly, rubbing your back even more.

“Y/N, are you sure?” said Steve.

“Yes,” you sobbed, handing him the letter.  Ransom put his hand on your side and pulled you toward him, cradling you against his chest.

“It’s going to be ok,” he soothed.  “You didn’t know.  He should’ve told you he wanted to ASK you something instead of TELL you something.”

You blinked and sat up, looking at him.  “I mean, I don’t know if it would have mattered.”

“Of course it would’ve,” he said.  “This isn’t on you, it’s on him.  He should’ve been adamant that he wanted to ask you something.”

Steve handed you the letter back.  You could see the sadness on his face.  “I’m sure he was upset,” he said softly.  “He’d probably been waiting until the right moment.”

You scrunched up your face, fresh tears flowing.

“Jesus,” Ransom whispered to Steve, “you could at least be supportive.”

You wiped your finger under your eye to catch a tear before it dropped on the letter.  Your heart was racing and you couldn’t catch your breath.  You felt as if your stomach had dropped to your feet.  It was a desperate feeling, knowing what you knew and not being able to reach out to him and tell him how badly you’d screwed up.  

“You ok?” Steve asked softly.

“Yeah,” you said.  “And here I thought when I sat down in this seat I couldn’t feel worse.”

Steve laid his hand on your arm, squeezing a little.  “If everything you said about the two of you is true, this is something you can overcome.  It was a misunderstanding.  If those feelings are there, you’ll be able to fix it.”

You sniffed and wiped at your nose.  “Well, that’s the burning question, isn’t it?  How could he still have feelings for me after what I did.”

It was Ransom’s turn to bolster your confidence a bit.  “Look, misunderstandings happen all the time. And honestly, you hadn’t seen him in so long – did he not think you’d have misgivings about what he had to say when he wouldn’t come and stay with you?  He could’ve come to your place and then taken you somewhere special to propose. This isn’t on you, Y/N.  This is on him.”

You gave him a half-hearted smile.  “It doesn’t really matter though, does it.  In the end, he’s gone and I’m alone.”  You laid your head back on the seat, closing your eyes to ward off more tears.

Your mind whirled with memories – the two of you hiking near your home with your beloved dog joining you; going to the annual fair and riding all the rides that made you squeal and him laugh at you; laying side-by-side in your grandmother’s hammock on the front porch.  He never just held your hand – he always intertwined your fingers. He said if you looked from above, you couldn’t tell where he began and you ended.  

 Had you really been part of such an amazing love story?  You could hear his voice saying your name as he wrapped a hand under your ear to kiss you goodnight, and you could hear it when he called you from oh-so-far-away where he was lonely and probably afraid but never let on so you wouldn’t worry.

You let out a giant sigh and pulled your phone from the storage pocket in front of you.  You’d texted him before you got on the plane because it seemed like the right thing to do as you traveled back to your past.  He was too big a part of it not to.

“Did you get a text from him?” asked Steve, looking down at your phone.

“No,” you said, “I sent him one before I got on the plane.  I always imagined he’d be there with me through everything.  I just needed to reach out to him.”

“Mind if I look?” he asked.

“Sure, why not,” she half laughed.

She scrolled to the top of the message and handed the phone to him. Steve read silently, his eyebrows scrunching in concern.

I know we haven’t talked in a long time but today is going to be hard and I need you to know how much having you in my life has meant to me.  Even though we didn’t make it to the end, like we’d hoped, my life is so much better because of you.  If I were to die tomorrow, I’d do it knowing that in my life, I was truly loved by someone special.  For so long, I didn’t know how to be me without you.

I’m so proud of you, serving our country and then taking on a dangerous job to protect others.  I never told you enough how brave you are.  When I was worried or afraid, you’d be there like a safety net, making sure my heart was protected.  I’ll never be able to thank you enough for loving me.

This is going to be a hard day.  There’s not going to be a safe landing.  Everything I had, everything that made me secure, it’s all gone.  I’m sorry that I gave up.  I’m in uncharted waters.  I should’ve fought with everything I had for you.  I hope you’re happy with someone who will appreciate you and all you have to give.  Whoever she is, she’s a very lucky girl.

Steve cleared his throat, trying to remove the giant lump that had formed there.  “Wow,” he said.  “Those are beautiful words.”

“They’re from the heart.  I felt foolish as soon as I sent them and now I feel even more stupid.  I can’t imagine how much he hates me.”

“Mind if I look?” said Ransom.

“Yeah, and then if you want, pass it across the aisle,” you said sarcastically.

Ransom rolled his eyes and his mouth turned up in a grin.  He scanned over the text.

“Damn,” he whispered.  He looked at you.  “Look, I know I don’t know you at all and this has been a little slice of our lives, an unpleasant moment we’ll forget quickly, but if this guy got this text and doesn’t respond to you, he isn’t who you say he is.  Ok, you fucked up.  You should’ve met him that night.  But this right here would be enough for me to make a U-turn.  You had something really good.”

You grinned at him.  “Ransom, are you telling me it’s possible that a girl could win your heart?”

His face flooded with color.  “No,” he said a little too boisterously.  “Trust me, anyone that can take a little of me has their hands full.”

Steve chuckled.

“What?” said Ransom defensively.

“Something tells me you’re all talk.”

Ransom narrowed his eyes at Steve.  “What does that mean?”

Steve smiled a true American hero smile.  “It means, watching you with Y/N, I think you’re really a pussycat. Go ahead and act like a tough guy, but we all know the truth.  You’re a softie just looking for the right girl.”  He couldn’t help the smug look that replaced his smile.

“Alright Captain Jackass, you go ahead with your self-righteous psychoanalysis.  I’m capable of being nice to a woman without being a softie.  Seriously, the 1940’s called and they want their word back.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the two of them.  You never thought when you sat down between these two incredible hunks that you’d share your life story with them and they’d comfort you as you discovered a secret that would haunt you the rest of your life.

Ding

“You’ll notice the fasten seat belts sign has been activated as we make our descent.  Please secure your belongings and return your tray tables to their original position. We should be arriving at our destination in a few minutes.”

“Seriously,” grumbled Ransom, “how many people have died from errantly deployed tray tables.  Is that really our biggest concern?”

You giggled a little at his words and he looked at you, the first real smile he’d smiled all day gracing his handsome face.  He had the most piercing blue eyes.  You wished he would find someone who’d give him a chance. Underneath that gruff exterior, you just knew there was a loving, caring guy.

“Need a hand?” asked Steve, taking yours in his.  You smiled and squeezed gently.

It suddenly occurred to you what awaited when he arrived.  “You must be so excited!”

“I am,” he beamed.  “I’m going to meet my baby girl soon.”

“She’s a lucky little girl,” you smiled.

“Poor thing, just trying to imagine the first guy that comes to pick her up for a date,” Ransom grinned.

Steve raised an eyebrow.  “She’ll never know, I’m locking her in her room when she turns 15,” he smiled.

Slowly the plane began to descend.  Your heart suddenly leaped into your throat as you thought about what lie ahead for you.  You thought of walking through your grandmother’s home and a feeling of loneliness washed over you, causing an ache in your chest.  

“Doing ok?” Steve asked.

You turned to him and smiled.  “Yes, thank you.”   You looked to Ransom and back to Steve.  “This has been a great flight.  Thank you both for indulging me and listening, and for your support.”  You looked at Ransom.  “I know you said this is just an unpleasant moment we’ll soon forget, but I can tell you both I’ll never forget either of you.”  You fought the tears stinging your eyes.

“Yeah, well, it’ll probably be awhile before I forget you as well,” said Ransom.  

Steve pulled a pen from the bag in front of him and wrote his cell number on your palm.  “Put it in your phone.  Call or text me anytime you need to talk.  I mean it.”

That ache in your heart suddenly subsided.  “Thanks.  And I mean it too.”

Within a few minutes, the plane touched down roughly on the runway, then slowed and taxied to a stop at the gate.  You pulled your bag from under the seat in front of you.  You felt lightheaded so you closed your eyes and took a deep breath.  You could do this.  

Ransom took your hand and helped you up, and you made your way behind him into the aisle, Steve behind you, his hand on your lower back.  You walked out into the boarding bridge, walking slowly behind the crowd of passengers.  In a few minutes, you’d leave these guys who you’d never see again. You took your time shuffling along, prolonging the moment.

The crowd in front of you slowed and then stopped, as passengers found those that were meeting them.  That ache clenched your chest again.  You’d make your way to the rental car desk and get a ride to take you to what would surely be a sad, nostalgic evening.

“Hmm,” said Ransom.  “Interesting.”

“What?” you asked as he blocked your view.

“Probably just a coincidence.”

“I don’t know,” Steve said skeptically.  “Seems like too much of a coincidence.”

Now you were behind both of them and you couldn’t see anything but the backs of their gorgeous heads and their pants hugging their fine asses.  It was definitely the best view of the trip and probably the best you’d have for a long time.  You snickered thinking about it.

“Well, guess we’re going to find out,” said Steve as he took a couple of steps to his right and stopped.  

You were able to see ahead now as they parted, and the first thing that caught your eye was the pink tulips – a huge bouquet of them.  You looked above the flowers at the pink Petunias t-shirt, the blonde Van Dyke on his chin, his round wire framed glasses and spikey blonde hair.  Your breath caught in your throat and you stopped, unable to move.  You felt a hand at your elbow – Steve.  You looked up at him.

“You ok?” he asked.  It was a fatherly tone and you smiled a million watt smile at him, grabbing his hand and Ransom’s arm, pulling them forward.

You walked up to him, taking him in.  He was beautiful, even better than you remembered.  His body was toned and solid, tattoos peeking out from under the t-shirt.  Blue jeans graced his long sexy legs, high top Chucks rounding out the look.  You were overwhelmed by how much you needed him. How had you lived without him for so long?

“Hey beautiful,” he said in that sexy baritone voice.  He extended the flowers to you and you took them, inhaling deeply.  

“I can’t believe it.”  Your voice was so quiet you were sure he didn’t hear you.

“I’m here Y/N.  I’m here for you.”  He pulled you to him and you lifted the flowers, wrapping your arms around his neck. He touched his nose to yours. “Did you think I’d leave you to do this alone?”

You looked into his beautiful blue eyes and tried so hard to believe this was really happening.  “I didn’t expect you to be here.  Not after what I did to you.  I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.  Not until I read Gramma’s letter on this plane did I know. I can’t imagine how badly I hurt you.” You swallowed, pushing the hurt down deep.  “I understand why you moved on, I do.  And it’s ok.”

You saw the pain in his eyes, but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.  “There’s no one else,” he said, “never has been.  I screwed it all up.  I just did it all wrong.  I should have come to you.  I wanted to see you so bad.  I just didn’t want to put you in danger.”  He looked down and swallowed, then looked back into your eyes.  “Did you mean it?  All those things you said in that text this morning?”

“Yes,” you said, your voice strong.  “Every word.  I love you so much.”

He pressed his lips, so soft, to yours and gave you the sweetest kiss. “I love you too.  Always, Y/N.”  He kissed you again, this one deeper, his arms wrapped around you so securely.  You could die right now and it would be ok.

Suddenly, you were aware of your surroundings.  You pulled away from him, an arm around his neck, and you looked at your seatmates.

“Ransom, Steve, this is the love of my life, Jake Jensen.  Jake, these are the superstars of Row 12 that got me through this flight.”

Jake extended his hand to each of them.  “Thank you guys.  Flying is not her favorite.  Appreciate you both being so good to her.”

Ransom eyed him carefully.  “You’ve got a really great girl here,” he said to Jake.  “Don’t fuck it up.”

Steve smirked at Ransom.  “He’s right,” said Steve.  “Take good care of her.”  He looked Jake up and down with his best Captain look.

“Shit,” Jake muttered and you laughed, kissing him reassuringly.  

“Thanks guys.  You’re the best.”  You stepped forward and kissed each of them softly on the cheek.

Steve nodded and smiled, then walked towards his handler, who’d escort him to a car and whisk him away to the hospital to be by his wife’s side.

“Good luck!” you called to him and he smiled.

Ransom secured the strap of his bag on his shoulder as he approached a leggy blonde in a tight designer dress with a figure to die for.

“Hey baby,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and laid a kiss on him that would make a stripper blush.

“Easy babe, save some for the hotel,” he said, wrapping an arm around her waist and walking away.  He turned and gave you a last look, flashing you a gorgeous smile.

“Damn,” said Jake, “if I was another guy, I might be kind of jealous and insecure about that, but I’m not some other guy, I’m your guy,” he said, rubbing his nose to yours.

“And don’t you forget it,” you said, kissing him deeply before pulling him by the hand away from the gate.  

“We’re going to have to go through all of the pictures you know,” you said with a devilish grin.

“Oh God, do we have to?  I don’t need to be reminded of what a dork I was back then.”

“You’re still a dork, but a very sexy one,” you said as you walked hand in hand towards your future.

Tags:

@what-is-your-plan-today  @captainsteveamericarogers

[tenkoscumslut]

Alpha Bakugou x Reader

- So Bakugou is 18+, he has is own agency and he’s currently the number 1 hero, he does have injuries from the recent chapters, and i’m assuming Izuku probably either retired bc his arms are never going to be fixed, or he’s lying in the lower ranks for the rest of his life purposefully.

So how does alpha Bakugou court you?!?!!

- He doesn’t like omegas

- or betas

- or alphas

- he hates everyone

- so one day he just stopped at his favorite book store

- bc mans likes to read

- the reason why he loves the library

- is bc 

- he will never admit this

- he thinks your adorable

- he doesn’t want a mate

- and then you exist

- like he wants to be around you 24/7

- at first he didn’t care about you

- he thought you were hot

- and that was it

- but when a man thought he could rub you through your panties

- then you caught his eye

- you roundhoused his face

- he fell to the ground

- like rly he knew he wanted to be around you

- so he started buying 2 books

- and would give you the other book

- it was him courting you behind his own back

- he didn’t realize his alpha was trying to court you

- but you accepted it

- “Thank you Mr. Dynamite”, you would thank him every day(i can't with his hero name)

- your voice would send his mind into a frenzy

- then he went to a cafe

- and he saw you working as a bartender there

- he stared at you secretly the entire time

- he thought about approaching you

- know he wanted to protect you

- someone was looking up your skirt

- you didn’t notice

- so you kept on working

- then he grabbed your clothed sex roughly

- your head snapped around

- that look in your eyes

- he could sense his rut coming in early

- you literally punched him and knocked at least 5 teeth out

- that’s how he knew you were the one

- but he had to run home bc he was going in a rut

- he kept jerking off to you

- your lips

- your smile

- your voice

- what would you look like underneath him

- what would your lips look like wrapped around his cock

- what your moans would sound

- he was obsessed with you

- and not even in a sexual way

- everywhere he went he could only see you

- it was starting to tick him off

- so he was in front of you

- “Hey, idiot, do you want to go get a coffee with me later?”, he asked

- you tilted your head

- your cheeks were flared up in embarrassment

- he could smell it

- it was just to intoxicating

- “u-um sure, I get out at 5″, you replied sweetly

- inside you were just screaming out in joy

- you always had a small crush on the pro hero

- and know he was inviting you out to talk

- he left

- then at 5 you met him outside the library

- he wore something a bit more formal the the usual sweatpants and sweatshirt

- he had a nice shirt and some jeans

- you both walked to a different coffee shop

- bc he was worried you would know that he knows that you work at that coffee shop

- you guys talk for a few hours

- your surprised he hasn’t shouted once

- in fact

- (he wasn't smiling) but you could sense he was very happy

- he ended up walking you home

- “it’s part of my job you get home safe”, he did not phrase that correctly

- you scowled

- “Your job has nothing to do with me”, you snapped

- he was sad that you snapped at him

- so he did the one thing nobody would ever expect him to

- he apologized

- “Ah, sorry I phrased that wrong, I meant it’s my duty as a hero to make sure you are safe and comfortable”

- on the inside he was screaming

- though he hid that

- the next day he got you a muffin and a book

- now it was regular for you two to go get a coffee at the coffee shop

- he was ecstatic 24/7

- he would go through ruts 1 a month now that he was closer to you

- and one night you 2 were walking to the coffee shop (it’s like 2 miles away btw)

- you guys stumbled past a drunk alpha

- when he saw you

- he was all over you

- groping you

- his knee was grinding against your pussy

- his stanky breath fanning over your marking spot

- Bakugou tried to stop him

- but you already had him pinned to the floor with blood seeping out of his mouth, and you were growling ferally

- and that was the first time he heard you growl

- he was in heaven

- like rly

- he loved ur growl

- it was so dominating and just TURNED HIM ON

- he arrested the man

- and made sure he was locked up for harassing his mate

- but you don’t know that yet

- and one day

- you let him in his house

- he was excited

- you lived alone

- and he got to see your nest

- when he came inside

- he was confined to the living room

- like every time he tried to explore

- you bared your teeth softly in a warning for him to stay

- you weren’t use to people being in your house

- and to be honest you kinda liked the power you had over the top pro hero in Japan

- he was wrapped around your finger

- he was slightly disappointed he could explore

- but he respected your boundaries

- so he sat at the couch and just took everything in

- you appeared with 2 cups of tea

- you continued to talk

- he was happy that he was engulfed in your scent

- but he wanted to make it smell like him

- but he knew you’d probably kick him in the balls and kick him out forever

- he sat in the same spot for hours

- but you were wrestles

- constantly fidgeting

- you were slightly distressed an alpha was in your house at 2 in the morning

- he noticed you were beginning to become overwhelmed with his presence.

- but he was happy no less

- “I’ll so you tomorrow L/N-san”, he purred before excusing himself of your house

- you locked the door behind him

- you didn’t notice but your heart was racing at a thousand miles per hour

- your cheeks were flushed red

- you picked yourself off and walked to the couch

- his scent lingered on the pillow he was resting beside

- a smile creeped to your lips

- you picked the pillow up and snuggled with it all night

- somehow it made you feel like he was sleeping beside you

- the actual thought of sleeping next to him had her squirming uncomfortably

- so the next day you were working at the library again

- you were on a ladder sorting out the books

- “Nice view”, someone underneath you commented

- you scowled and hit the man in the face with your foot

- “Get out”, you hissed

- he left

- then the front door opened

- you climbed down from the ladder and peered around the corner

- Bakugou was there

- he had dark circles under his eyes

- but he was still happy to see u

- he won’t tell u but he jacked off to you again

- again

- as in this is at least the 10th time he’s jacked off just to you

- you smiled softly

- “Helly Mr. Dynamite”, you greeted him

- “Hello L/N-san”

- today he invited you to the park with him

- you agreed hesitently

- you were socially awkward

- I mean yesterday was the first time someone was in your house

- so when you were at the park

- like you were in awe

- you especially likes the lake

- it was closed off to the public for cleaning

- you couldn’t stop gazing into the clear water

- it was so pretty

- just gorgeus

- and then the tree’s

- you had never really admired their beauty

- but here

- the pink blossoms fell from the trees

- and a single one landed on your palm

- it was amazing

- “Can we come to the park tomorrow?”, you asked turning your head around to slightly look at him

- he was smirking

- “Whatever you want L/N-san”.

- you turned around 

- “you call me F/N if you want you know”, you pointed out

- he was flustered at how direct you were

- “i-in that case, whatever you want F/N-chan”.

- you smiled brightly

- he took you to a pond

- baby ducks were swimming in the water

- a little one came swimming over to you

- you reached out

- it clambered onto your hand

- water dripped onto your hand

- you cupped the baby duck perfectly

- a purr emitting from deep into your chest

- you looked so beautiful like this

- Bakugou couldn’t help but smile and sneak a quick photo of you

- Bakugou got you an ice cream

- then you invited him back inside you house to warm up from the cold

- this time you didn’t bare your teeth when he peered around the corner to the kitchen

- you didn’t bare your teeth when he walked in the kitchen

- he turned the corner to try and enter your room

- then he could hear a soft growl come from you

- he then passed your door and the growl stopped

- you started to cook dinner

- just a simple recipe your mother taught you

- it was just rice and chicken

- like it was really simple

- but it made anyone’s mouth water with the taste and smell

- he started to explore every inch except for your room

- his nose knuding into your coat

- he could smell your scent

- this was the strongest he’s ever smelt it

- his eyes rolled back into his head

- you smelled so sweet

- he quickly moved on so he wouldn’t appear suspicious

- he looked to see another room

- you couldn’t see him

- you had a beautiful house

- your house was big

- there was a patie in the middle of your house

- a huge shrine was in the middle of it

- there were lit candles

- he opened the door

- and saw a picture of a little boy with black hair and green eyes

- it looked like he had passed away

- he kept exploring 

- there wasn’t much after that

- just a few extra rooms

- an office

- really not much

- he went back into the living room

- you had finished making dinner

- “Do you want to eat here?”, you asked him

- “That would be amazing”, he replied

- you smiled and prepared 2 plates

- you both ate at the kitchen table

- he loved it

- like it was the first time he's had a home made meal

- since his mom just got pre made shit

- and he doesn’t know how to cook well

- so this was amazing

- in just a few seconds his plate was empty

- so him eating at your house became a thing

- he would walk you home

- you would cook dinner

- he’d probably sniff at everything

- he’d growl at your cat

- bc he doesn’t like you cat at all

- he has been trying to take you out on a date tho

- like he came up to you and asked if you wanted to spend an evening with him

- you declined

- he’s been trying for at least a month now

- you keep saying no

- he wasn’t even asking you directly

- like youd didn’t want to spend any time with him at all

- so he got angry

- stormed up to you in the library

- “You. me. dinner tonight, and you can’t say no”, then he stormed off

- you were in shock

- like he asked you out to dinner

- you were worried at first he would have an extravagant evening planned if you said yes

- and tbh you just wanted to go eat dinner at a restaurant with him

- you wore a red dress and black heels

- like you *italian kisses the air*

- that night he took you to a fancy restaurant

- and you two had a great time

- it was amazing

- he walked you home

- and when you walked inside

- he followed you

- and you didn’t know that

- so when someone spun you around

- and kissed your lips softly

- you were completely shocked.

- he left after that

- you were up all night thinking about him

- the next day you saw him at the library again

- and you were beyond flustered

 - you were a blushing mess

- he smirked and walked up to you

- “WHat did you think of last night?”, he asked cooly

- you could face him like thats how embarrassed you were

- “I-I l-like t-the food, i-it was very n-nice”, you stuttered and looked away

- “Thats not what i was asking about”, he purred

- “What did you think of the kiss?”

- you could’ve died right there

- you just froze

- y/n.exe has stopped working

- He chuckled and shook his head

- “I think you liked it, so know that I know you did, I wanted to ask you something”, he chuckled and grabbed your hand and led you to the storage room

WARNING NSFW UP AHEAD

- he brought you to the storage room

- locked the door

- and pressed himself flush against you

- so you could feel his hot breath on your neck

- “Ever since I saw you”, he mumbled softly

- “I knew you were my omega”

- he started to kiss your neck softly 

- “You looked so hot when you beat those men up”

- he kissed your collar bone softly

- you knew he intended to go lower

- and you were OK with it

- it might seem rushed in others eyes

- but to you and him, it didn’t

- I mean, it took him 3 months to get you on a date with him, and it took 1 month of convincing 

- he looked up at you

- “Can i?”, he asked softly

- you were to shy to actually form an answer

- you just nodded your head

- he quickly took your shirt off leaving you in a skirt and bra

- he stared at your body with love

- you were so beautiful

- he kissed your cleavage before going behind your bra and just ripping it off

- your breasts bounced when they were released from their condiments

- you naturally covered up your chest from his eyes

- the audacity

- he was mad

- why would you be shy of him?

- Why wouldn’t you show him your body?

- like he was legit pissed

- he grabbed your hands and pressed them to your sides

- and he quickly latched onto your hardened nub and started to suckle harshly

- you bit your lip to hold back moans

- his other hand massaged the other breast

- he loved your taste

- and how your body slightly jerked everytime he rolled his fingers over the sensitive flesh

- he started to kiss your breast

- and slowly made his was down your stomach

- kissing at your flesh softly

- his fingers hooked around your skirt

- he slowly took it off 

- and know you were only in your panties

- which were soaked btw

- he slowly took your panties off and stared at your exposed heat

- you looked away shyly

- he started to kiss your lower lips

- he discarded his pants and boxers so he was only in a loose shirt

- he quickly picked you up and pressed you gently against the wall

- your wrapped your legs around his waist

- he faqed u in a storage room

- then he marked you

- and you two bonded for life

[bao3bei4]

kpop music videos that gave their fans sexual brainworms

OR accidental fetish pop and its fringe fanbase: meditations on gendered desire 

large warning here: i am someone who has been into kpop for the past 10 years. however, i have always been an extremely casual fan. i do write fic, but not rpf. if any of that makes you not want to hear me talk about kpop rpf (or you don’t want to hear about it in general), please keep moving.

anyway, obviously pop is corporate, soulless, and manufactured. but sometimes some truly bizarre shit gets past the committees and destroys a generation. these are their stories.

the video that started this is all is got7’s just right, released july 10th, 2015.

yes that’s all 7 members of got7 (one is out of frame) shrunken down for your viewing pleasure. they live in your room and tell you you’re just right. 

this sheer fetish power of this video is nerfed only by how utterly sexless it is.

they’re styled like and dance like this. it’s a totally unironic sendup of the seminal work that preceded it by four years, “what makes you beautiful” by the white kpop group “one direction.” the chaste energy of the whole thing makes you legitimately wonder if the good people at jyp have just never heard of microphilia. (during a dramatic reading of this piece, here a friend interjected seriously, “i think it’s korean culture not to talk about things like this, fetishes in the workplace.”)

it’s for the best, honestly, though because the actress in the music video is lee ja in, who was 11 when the video was shot. considering that the members themselves ranged in age from 18-23 at the time, i think it’s actually very impressive that we only have to cancel one. 

you receive absolutely no prizes for guessing that it’s jackson wang we’re sending to social justice prison. why’d he do this? no one asked. 

at any rate, got7 fans, or “gans” (they actually call themselves igot7s which is too twee for me), have much to think about here: all 7 very small members of got7 sneaking into their room, possibly weird age play, and jackson wang eating a very large cake.

let’s see what they actually did. 

twitter was actually very tame. the most charged thing i found was (unsurprisingly) from a bts fan (“ban”). i don’t actually know what it means, but i think it means something.

so, of course, i turned to the internet’s last bastion of free speech, where you can say whatever the fuck you want and receive cheers, or as the kids say, “kudos.” that is, i read fanfiction. 

for those of you who don’t know your herstory, i started my journey at Asianfanfics.com, where, at the time of writing, there were 12,067 got7 stories. i want to start this by saying that i think feminism won, because someone was paying real human dollars to advertise their irene/wendy fanfiction on a banner ad, which is quite possibly a win for women for everywhere. 

anyway, Asianfanfics.com’s search engine sucks ass (i kept on finding stories about different combinations of bts members worrying about their weight and being reassured by another member that were entitled “just right”), so i decided to look through all got7 stories written between july 2015 and december 2015. 

but, alas, not a single got7 microphilia fic to be found. 

also, some genre commentary while i’m here: i think the stories i respect the most are the “[y/n] is a ordinary girl who’s assigned to be got7’s manager! can she make them into superstars? as sparks begin to fly, can she keep it professional?” like fuck yeah that sounds like a kickass dating sim. it almost definitely already is one. i salute all the teens around the world for buying into the fantasy of dating a boy band member that they themselves sell you. 

however, i don’t think i respect the “[member a] and [member b] are mafia/jocks and nerds/college students/high schoolers” concepts. in my opinion, the whole fantasy of boy band member is their personas, their hidden real personalities, their celebrity, and the show business setting. find a different intellectual property if you wanna write about school. i even respect the “yugyeom drank girl juice [not estrogen] and turned into a sexy girl” story more, because at least it knows exactly what it wants, and also because they’re all still boy band members. well, band members. shout out to yugyeom. 

so, anyway, i looked elsewhere. at the time of writing, archive of our own only had 11,645 got7 stories, but it does have a better search, so it effectively has more. as an aside, i think it’s so funny, and mildly disorienting at first, that archive of our own separates the “music & bands” section from the “celebrities & real people” section. boy band members aren’t real people. 

the first problem i encountered is that only 20 or so stories were written within a year of just right’s release. absolute cringe gans. don’t you care about your boys? there were zero stories tagged “vore” or “microphilia” either. stories containing the word “tiny” that were rated either “explicit” or “mature” were all normal (“normal”) size fetishization rather than, you know, just right. 

however, i learned my lesson from twitter. i realized that what had happened was that watching this video had created sleeper agents, just waiting for their activation phrase. that activation phrase? bangtan boys. and yeah, lo and behold, there was one! unfortunately (fortunately?) it had nothing to do with got7, let alone just right, so i’m not going to talk about it.  

basically what i learned is that this video may have actually been very normal, and my brain has just been destroyed by being too online at a young age. 

however, there are plenty more videos in this genre. i present to you exo wolf, a banger from may 30th, 2013. i say banger, because in a comedic inversion, it’s actually fucking terrible. 

this video is pretty self-explanatory in terms of why it might induce certain responses. 

let’s get the formalities out of the way. this video, the member who’s getting cancelled is kai. he has braids in this video :/

also skating on thin ice: xiumin and chen. guys what was up with the whole exo-m thing? like, we’re gonna have a cpop subgroup, but it’s going to be part chinese members and part korean members that we’ll give a chinese name? unsurprisingly, the three exo members who have departed from the group are all chinese. they weren’t able to stand the microaggressions probably. but xiumin and chen remain uncancelled as an official chinese apology for five thousand of years of on-and-off invasions of korea. sorry guys that was kinda fucked up. our bad! 

anyway, there are basically three avenues for exo fans to take: 1) humans with wolfish characters (usually wolf pack dynamics, which even wolves themselves don’t fucking use so i think all of you should shut up. the real omega here is your brain), 2) werewolves (duh), and 3) wolves with human characteristics (i.e. standard furry fare). 

exo themselves let all these possibilities exist at the same time, superimposing them over each other, which is very woke and egalitarian of them. let’s see what the people decided. awoo.

Asianfanfics dot com had many stories in this vein. i feel very validated that this time i was able to correctly predict a fetish. that said, briefly returning to my earlier comment regarding alternate universes: it’s intense psychic whiplash reading about these vampires and werewolves, and going okay okay luhan is a vampire this that whatever, and then seeing the actual real performance photos the author attaches at the bottom of each chapter. bro i forgot these were actual people.... it breaks immersion so bad... i’m sorry, i just can’t believe that any of these dancing boys are having weird vampire sex with wings or whatever. 

archive of our own also had many stories in this vein. and i think there are some important difference between the two sites worth talking about. 

first of all, i think the higher engagement rate of archive of our own really enables some of the authors to get super bold. it makes Asianfanfics.com seem a little quaint, actually. like the wordcounts are waaay longer, for one. it’s uncommon for a story hosted on Asianfanfics.com to be more than a few thousand words long (most of them could easily be published in the new yorker), whereas some of these archive of our own people have written full length novels about if the members of exo were werewolves. i guess it’s just intensely demoralizing for the aff.com crew to get, like, three comments per story. 

the second big difference is that i’m noticing more common themes between the ao3 crew’s writing. like stan intertextuality, or plagiarism, or whatever, but they seem to be implicitly engaging with each other’s characterizations, storylines, and tropes. i think it is because they probably all follow each other on twitter. (i have been active on twitter for three weeks now so i am an expert on fanfiction twitter.) 

anyway, like not that i am a particularly big gan (cannot even list all the members), but these people seem to have reached a very specific consensus on how jackson wang, for instance, would react in a variety of situations that really surprises me? if i were to sit down and write a got7 story, i think the fuckboitude, the douchebaggery is a big part of his charm. not to be nationalist or anything, but for god’s sake, he’s from hong kong. but these people have him as very sensitive, lots of protective instincts. not that i understood what anyone on aff.com was doing with his character either, but they did all seem to be doing different things. “kudos” to that, i guess.

but: exo. wolf. i searched the “wolves” tag. this filtered the list down from 33459 stories to 52 stories. and the “wolves” tag was very different from the aff.com “wolf” tag. for the most part, aff.com liked stories where a member was a wolf (usually shapeshifting), feral boy, lots of y/n, lots of y/n dating a feral boy who is secretly a wolf. 

ao3 really, really, really likes alpha/beta/omega stories. sorting by the most popular stories, only five on the first page weren’t a/b/o. and one of them was a cis f!baekhyun story, so i think the intended effect was communicated. anyway, let’s talk about some of the themes. 

first of all, i’m disappointed. today’s bonus cancellation is of ao3 “wolves” writers. why the fuck are you drawing so heavily from european wolves?? there are wolves in asia!! you don’t need to keep giving their packs and ranks weird latin names. i will kill you. i hate italy. korea literally has a native wolf. i hate all of you!!! if you want to write caucasian wolves go watch that dumbass cw show!!!! my god. 

the second theme (the first one was white supremacy) is that no one wants to be a wolf who fucks. i think that we need a sex positivity movement, or something, for omega rights. like, are all of you doing okay? you’re queering misogyny by inventing new genders to oppress. another level to “no one wants to be a wolf...” is the “who fucks” part. there are so many consent issues. and not even in like, a sexy intentional way? in a “i genuinely do not think this author understands how their writing comes off” way. unfortunately i am sensitive to untagged sexual coercion, and there was a lot of that.

at any rate, the aff.com wolves were at peace with being wolves, very self-actualized. the ao3 wolves know that every minute they spend alive on this bitch of an earth is suffering, and also sex.

the third theme is the evolution of y/n. y/n, who, in a startlingly woke move for aff.com, is almost always korean, is a girl main character stumbling into love, boy bands, and wolves (i think it’s because aff.com is oldschool kpop fandom, so therefore heavily asian itself in userbase). but y/n is not the main character in ao3 stories. she is the straight best friend. in what i think is a hilarious move, ao3 authors invert the gay best friend paradigm to give the gay main character a straight girl as best friend. she usually calls him “a gay,” she has lots of thoughts on boys, and she knows his sexuality better than he does and before he does. (sidebar: if all the men are gay, and all the women are straight...)

there’s a really fun twist to this, though, because the main character is always a self-insert in fanfiction. but where older fanfiction like aff.com was at peace with this and literalize it via y/n shenanigans, modern fic writers who haven’t finished distangling their complicated relationship with wanting to be a man who loves other men instead simply imbue their main character with their essence. a little voodoo doll sehun, with a lock of y/n hair. 

this creates a deeply ambivalent relationship with gender in these stories. the main character is usually an omega, but one who resents being an omega. their body and its parts is usually described, if at all, as ostensibly intersex (except more offensively), but in practice, these discourses inscribe a trans body. (nb: i think cis writers approach this in a really fucked up fetishizing way, but i hope by this point we know that that goes without saying) it’s incredibly straightforward to read this, and see the underlying desires and fears in a heady cocktail of unfiltered writing that’s deeply confessional. you know when freud had people say whatever the fuck they wanted and figured they’d eventually free associate into releasing their subconscious into reality? yeah. 

okay, and while we’re on the topic, let’s talk f(x) nu abo, released on may 4th, 2010. 

this is a blitzy, maximalist, amped up dance hit that even has its own applause and cheers built in. it’s so fucking annoying, and i love it. 

this song is on here because the second most popular kpop a/b/o story on ao3 is called “nu abo” except it’s about bts. that’s offensive enough in its own right. write something about f(x) (702 works). when will women win the right to have their own self-lubricating holes.

anyway, even though f(x) is probably innocent in all of this, i’m still cancelling amber liu. 

for queerbaiting. who told her to look like ruby rose but hot? and for what? i’m also cancelling her for racism, but that wasn’t in this video. 

moving on to a double feature: vixx voodoo doll and vixx chained up, released november 19, 2013 and november 9, 2015 respectively. this is because while voodoo doll is more formative, i think the fans who write fanfiction today got into kpop more recently, so we are casting a wide net.

anyway, voodoo doll is jam packed with weird pseudo-medical imagery, blood, vivisection, bondage, puppet shit, femdom, sharps, piercings, asphyxiation, dollification, stabbing/penetration metaphors, and a really sick and catchy dance. god that looks like the list of tags on the a/b/o wolf stories. 

for this song, we’re cancelling you, for being way too into this song when you were 13.

vixx voodoo doll made me goth i guess! insert that pic of the your music saved me sign, except it saved me from getting into emo or pop punk probably. 

chained up, comparatively, is much more tame. the only thing of note about it is that there are around 10 completely different chokers and choker looks the members wear in this music video. also they’re singing about being chained up, but that seemed a bit obvious. 

we could argue that voodoo doll is gay while chained up is gay (derogatory); that voodoo doll is queer while chained up is gay; that chained up is a sensitive masterpiece of omega4omega sexuality. but we’re not going to. 

we’re going to talk about what voodoo doll fanfiction was and was not. first, Aff.com had plenty of it. however, i was extremely disappointed to see that much of it did not hew to the spirit of vixx voodoo doll. my god, the voodoo doll becoming the one preying upon you disgusts me. the fantasy of the voodoo doll is that of absolute power. the idea that the doll itself has agency? instantly breaks the fantasy. i’m even not into voodoo dolls and i’m offended. 

i also don’t think it’s part of the voodoo doll fantasy to release the doll. the only story on there that involved Y/N kidnapping vixx members like in the music video was unavailable because the author deactivated their account. come back qxeen what did you see. 

i think this got off track, actually, in that i was mostly wondering why these people imprinted differently onto vixx voodoo doll than i did. like i don’t think you’re supposed to actually like straightforwardly absorb the morals and aesthetics of music videos like it’s propaganda. however, it’s more entertaining if you do. i hope ao3 doesn’t let me down. 

out of the then 5932 works in the vixx fandom (the least out of every group so far, excluding f(x) because they’re women), 59 of them included the word “voodoo” somewhere. that’s 1%. i legitimately can’t tell if that’s high or not. 

after some more cursory reading through the first page of popular results, my big takeaway is that people watched that video and wanted to be tortured and enslaved? but not, like, in a sexy way where the torturing is the point, the way where the point is to suffer bravely and beautifully, to endure the world’s harms like jesus on the cross, and then to fall into the arms of a beautiful boy who may or may not be the one hurting you in the first place. 

there’s a certain predictability to these fantasies. like it’s not even masochism, which would be fun at least, it’s literally just like the desire to be beautiful, even as you suffer. and i do find that a little boring. (but, i mean, you can’t help being a woman!)

sidebar: on chained up. what’s interesting about chained up, is that most of the then 38 “chained up” works (likely because the video has no storyline) are about the members fucking during chained up promotions. no one’s ever actually chained up, but whatever. it’s fine. it’s fine! 

anyway, here, more than ever, the nature of desire is stripped bare. i’ve written before [elsewhere in the unreleased tshirt cinematic universe] on how kpop boys are, through fandom, re-formed as white, or more strongly, i guess, blank slates. it’s really interesting to me how so much of this dynamic of projection is enabled by the fact that they’re asian men. they’re infantilized, feminized vessels; they’re seductive, but childlike, oblivious to their own charms, so nonthreatening; they have uncontrollable desires for sex, they’re scared of sex. and above all else, white women submit themselves to them, insert themselves into them. basically kpop fans tend to rework old school yellow peril and emasculation fantasies to reenact their own desires, often white, often cishet on them. 

what i am saying is that there’s another thesis about forced feminization and its racialized subtext in here. obviously gender is a racialized construct to begin with, but like it’s fascinating to argue that when white women remake asian men according to their own desires, that is, into themselves, they (hopefully) unintentionally echo these old fears about the sexual order.

it illuminates, it seems, the underlying dynamic in the denigration of asian men, which is of course the fear of miscegenation. now, my breathtaking ability to make everything about me aside, miscegenation is interesting because it presents a racial synthesis, beginning to collapse and trouble the artificial designations of purity. so we make asian men into white women, and end up with an unsettling hybrid. i’m sure this has deep implications for me personally.

but i think we already knew that quite a few of these people had yellow fever, so let’s talk about the gender dialectic at play. basically, the above dynamic, of making men into women (whether literally, in body; or subjectively, in mind; or even relationally, as they are objectified into passive vessels for your desire) coexists with the ostensibly converse dynamic, in which the straight women desires to be a gay man. these aren’t necessarily in conflict: it could easily be that these are different writers writing different stories, that both are ways of expressing discontent with existing in a raced, gendered body, or even that the end product of both is the same.

it’s been a while without a picture. all of you now have the legal right to hunt and kill me for making a d&g joke.

anyway, what i want to talk about is how these two fantasies can coexist. that by making a man into yourself, you can speak on your own desire in a passive way. my normal interest is analyzing forced masc fantasies (albeit in chinese opera lol), and they bear little to no resemblance to this kind of fantasy. this kind offers plausible deniability, of course, because wanting things is embarrassing. but also the fantasy isn’t about wanting to be a man, it’s about having no choice but to be a failed one. the gender pessimism running through these stories is palpable. basically andrea long chu wants what wolf fanfiction writers know: everyone is an omega, and everyone hates it.

at any rate, this racialized dynamic is one that i wasn’t sure how to bring up throughout this piece, mainly because there is no definitive way for me to tell the race of any individual writer, beyond just like the clear and present vibes that i receive. but i think it structures a lot of the fantasies contained in this essay. (i felt more comfortable bringing up the gendered dynamic, because it was fairly trivial to find out the current gender of the person writing each story i was reading.) 

obviously we should return to the specter haunting this conversation: the very much alive david eng. i think this sort of argument is familiar to readers of racial castration, especially his chapter on m. butterfly. btw sorry for mentioning that play 2 out of 3 posts on this blog. i have problems.

let’s talk about the parallel imagery between the depiction of gallimard’s final speech and the fanfiction i’ve described above. in it, gallimard makes himself into his own dream woman, dressing in yellowface and robes, the costume of puccini’s original madame butterfly. and he laments his lost love:

there is a vision of the orient that i have. of slender women in chong sams and kimonos who die for the love of unworthy foreign devils. who are born and raised to be the perfect women. who take whatever punishment we give them, and bounce back, strengthened by love, unconditionally.

in that, i see the self insert, and i see the sufferer of vixx voodoo fic. the fantasy that gallimard has about asian women is repeated, this time about asian men and a helpless identification with them. and on some level, gallimard’s women do have something very compelling to identify with: they suggest that there’s a way to endure white male violence without sacrifice, and even more potently, to enjoy it on some level.

but onward to the titular racial castration. eng argues that gallimard’s wilful ignorance of song’s true gender is a psychic castration -- song’s masculinity is diminished so that his own can be enhanced within their relationship. this, eng believes, acts out “richard fung’s contention that in western imaginary ‘asian and anus are conflated.’” this process stabilizes the relationship between the asian man and the white woman: they occupy the same place within the sexual dyad. 

this is, i think, why some people are addicted to writing from the bottom’s perspective. again -- not implying that irl bottoms don’t exist or that bottoms are psychically castrated lol -- but rather that you can fantasize about this ideal asian man that you can come to embody. in kpop rpf, rather than it being between a white man and an asian man (unless someone’s started writing chad future fic), it’s between two asian men. so this transformation is performed. whiteness is always intruding and so i think eng is helpful here to making it visible again. 

this essay isn’t a callout or actual cancellation or anything like that, i do wanna be clear. i guess i just like talking about fantasies, even the embarrassing ones, and where they come from. i think oftentimes in fandom spaces, we write a lot of stories off as idfic, and i think virtually every single one of the stories i referenced to write this fairly uncontroversially fall into that category. but i think calling something an “id” something or the other naturalizes the satisfaction it gives as purely instinctual and unconscious, when i do think there are deeper narratives at play. while i didn’t ever actually reference the base here (sorry), i do think it’s worth talking about how real world power shapes & maintains the superstructure, and thereby our fantasies. 

anyway in conclusion, maybe i was the one with sexual brainworms the whole time.

[peachymarkeu]

𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰: NCT 127 x OC

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮: Fluff, Angst & Suggestive

𝓢𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂: What is it like being an 18 year old girl that had just moved into her new apartment and then suddenly meeting the people she would consider to be her brothers while being away from her parents?

𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓰𝓾𝓮

10th floor, said the female elevator voice. I grab my huge blue suitcase and get off the elevator. As I was walking, I could hear my feet collide with the floor in every step I took. A few more steps and I arrived in front of a door colored in a very dirty white which was almost similar to the wall’s color. A few inches above my eye level I see numbers which were made with a shiny gold material. I took a deep breath as I stared at the numbers.

“127” I said in a whisper which was barely audible to anyone that would be around me.

In my hands were silver keys that were given by my parents on my 18th birthday. These keys not only unlocks the apartment but also unlocks a new chapter in my life. 

“Happy Birthday to you~ Happy Birthday to you~” was the first thing I heard when on a very early morning. My parents continued to sing while holding a Saeng Cream Cake, my favorite kind of cake, which was decorated with colorful lit candles. On the cake, there were texts written in sky blue icing. It read ‘Happy 18th Birthday Yuna Love, Eomma and Appa’

“Happy Birthday my daughter!” my Appa greeted me with a huge smile.

I thanked him and gave him a hug. 

“Aigoo, my daughter is no longer a baby” my Eomma spoke as if she was about to cry.

“Eomma, don’t cry or else you're going to make me cry too” I told her in a whiny voice which made both of my parents laugh.

“Yuna get up and get ready, your Eomma and I have a surprise for you” my father told me.

I quickly got up and went to the bathroom to get ready. My phone was connected to my bluetooth speakers so I started blasting music to brighten up my day even more.

90’s Love by NCT U is now playing on Spotify

I combed my hair and brushed my teeth while dancing around and belting out lyrics from my favorite K-Pop group NCT. After doing everything that I needed to do inside the bathroom, I went outside to pick my outfit for the day.

I was throwing clothes out of my closet one by one, creating a mess in my room. Every style of clothing I put on did not satisfy me one bit. It was getting quite frustrating until I saw a yellow flowy dress with flowers printed on the bottom part of the skirt. I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror.

‘Dang girl you looking fine today’ I thought to myself as I was twirling around in my dress right in front of my mirror.

I paired my dress with white Nike Air-Force 1’s and white ankle length socks. I left my wavy brown locks as it is and put the smallest amount of makeup on.

After getting ready I head downstairs to the dining area where my parents were waiting for me patiently with smiles that looked as if they were very excited.

“Where are we going?” I asked them while pulling my chair out and taking a seat.

“It’s a secret, you’ll find out later on.” my Eomma told me which made me very curious.

We ate a lot during breakfast. My Eomma prepared all of my favorite food for breakfast. There was the kimchi fried rice which was topped with a perfect sunny side up egg, samgyeopsal with peanut sauce prepared by my Appa, and fresh fruits that we bought from the market yesterday. I ate all of my food and even ate a small slice of my cake for dessert. My stomach was so full that it would burst anytime soon.

Right after breakfast we went out and got inside my Appa’s car. He started driving in the streets of Myeongdong. While he was driving, I decided to put on my earphones and listen to more music.

0 Mile by NCT 127 is now playing on Spotify

Looking outside the window of the car,  I can see all the busy people crossing the streets wearing blazers and polo’s. I also saw street vendors fixing their items in their stalls placed at the sides of the road. Smoke was coming out of the food stalls that were selling very yummy street foods which made my mouth drool.

Shortly, I saw a sign saying we were nearing Gangnam.

“Eomma, Appa, why are we entering Gangnam?” I was very uncertain of why we were going there.

“You’ll see.” my Appa answered while he snickered. I saw my Eomma smirk at my appa too.

5 minutes later we stopped in front of an apartment building. I was still uncertain of why we were here but I still followed them inside. We entered the building's elevator and my Eomma pressed the 10th button.

“Eomma are we meeting up with someone?” I asked her but she did not reply. Instead she just looked at my Appa.

7...8...9...10… 10th floor, the female elevator voice said. We got off the elevator and proceeded to walk the halls. We arrived in front of the door which has the numbers 127 on it. My Appa took my hand and my Eomma placed a cool metal on my palms. I look at it and see 2 silver keys.

“Happy Birthday Yuna, welcome to your new apartment!” both my parents cheered happily.

‘Oh shit’ I screamed in my mind.

“You’ll be moving here in 2 weeks aren’t you excited?” my Eomma said cheerfully.

“Um-oh yeah I'm so excited...yey” I said in a very unsure voice.

I unlocked the door with the keys and entered my new home. As I entered, I saw a very spacious living room which was already furnished. It had a huge gray L shaped couch in the middle paired with a wooden coffee table. In front of it was a smart TV which had speakers on each side.

 I entered the kitchen which had a breakfast table with lights hanging above it, an induction stove and a refrigerator which was a foot taller than me. I then went to my bedroom which was designed in a modern fashion. There was a queen size bed in the middle with black and gray duvets, two night stands which were made out of wood, the lights were quite dim which made it feel very cozy.

 At the end of the room was a huge glass window where you could see a great view of the city. The bathroom was covered in gray and white marble and had  the typical shower, toilet, sink and all. 

I dropped my suitcase on the floor and proceeded to trust fall into the bed. I took a few deep breaths.

“I’ll be ok. I”ll be just fine.” I told myself.

[goldenlaquer]

Random word: waterslide

Random character: Hattori Zenzo

Sorry I wanted to make this the most random thing ever, I hope it helps👊😔

((I'm sending you a big hug and ice cream for the soul🌸💕))

And I'm sending you a coupon for unlimited deep kisses, non-refundable, no exchanges, expires on February 30th.

-----

It starts with a grumbling stomach, which ya know, might not seem so bad, just the digestive system working hard for its rent, but there are stomach grumbles... and then there are stomach grumbles, if you get his drift. The former are the society-approved, cute noises a self-conscious high-school girl might giggle away with her date and subtly shift in her seat in hopes that the stretch will somehow prevent any other sounds from further embarrassment—not that she needs to care since they really are so cute dammit some people don't know how good they got it— Anyway, when it comes to the latter, stomach grumbles, while given the special treatment and typed out with italics and bolds for the dramatics and emphasis, it really doesn't give justice to the sheer violence that will soon follow it; the screams, the begging, the reek, the burns... if Dante ever gets around to writing out a 10th circle of hell, then Zenzou would have to be his prime consultant, having experienced it after every time those stomach grumbles caused a mini earthquake within his immediate vicinity.

But yes, it starts with a grumbling stomach, and Zenzou leans over to whisper curtly in Sarutobi's ear, "Yo. Gotta go." Her knowing him for so long, she has to know that this is code for: 'you won't be seeing me in the next hour, I'm 'bout to clear the guts out'.

Sarutobi, that heartless bitch since their genin days, doesn't look up from her pamphlet, just flips it over to peruse the park map on the back and snaps, "No. We're almost to the front."

That's true, there's only a few people left before their turn. It's the newest attraction in the park, boasting a 5,000 feet water slide, the longest in the Milky Way, complete with the twisties and twirlies and a mini open-bar to quench any alcoholic tendencies you might have during the ride. They've been waiting in line for hours it feels like, and Zenzou has just the luck to be needing to take a shit the moment right before the wait is over. He'd feel bummed out if he had the mental capacity for it at the moment; the only thing on his mind is his butt warming a porcelain throne and building a log cabin in it.

"You can go alone." Zenzou says while shifting his weight left to right, trying not to sound like a whiny bitch.

"No, the sign says two people must go at a time."

"Find someone else then." Zenzou hurriedly turns to leave, but is stopped by a sharp pin-prick to the back of his swimming trunks, hovering over a very dangerous and very sensitive spot.

"Take another step," Sarutobi says menacingly, her glasses flashing white, "and I can give you a quick fix."

"I need to go!"

"And I want to try the open-bar." The kunai digs in a fraction deeper and Zenzou obediently returns back to his original position.

The majority of the wait felt like hours, but the final stretch feels like the progress of a love triangle. He is hurting. Sharp pain and pressure building in his abdomen to a concerning degree; if he were to go right now, the fight would be epic, it'd for sure earn a spot on his top five, maybe even top two. But being where he is, Zenzou desperately has to do everything to delay the inevitable; he's counting back from a million, stretching and hip twirling, clenching his glute muscles around the curious prairie dog. But his horoscope for today lied, the traffic does not dissipate for even a moment.

"Sarutobi," Zenzou says desperately. "Please."

No mercy, as always. "We're already here." Without him realizing, it's now their turn. A two-seater tube awaits and the slide employee gives them a serviceable beam before launching into a small explanation about the ride and the rules and the mini-bar (twenty and up only!), and Zenzou does not hear one word, sweat is dripping off his face and his leg is bouncing up and down like a junkie—he just wants it all to be over before he jackson-pollock-paintings-it all over his trunks and dignity. When the green light is finally given, he all but dives for the tube, grimacing in agony because the movement kinda jostles his-

"Wait." Sarutobi stops him, narrowing her eyes in contemplation. "I want to ride in front."

...

Later, a sign placed right out the front of the water slide will read:

We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience, but until further notice, this ride will be closed for maintenance! Thank you!

[selfindulgentpoorlywritten]

Golden (Sidney Crosby Imagine)

I’ve been working on this for weeks, and I wouldn’t have made it through without @staviastar who helped me write and beta’d! There’s an optional smut scene at the end, that’s marked off with a warning.

Rating: T (main) / E (optional end scene)

Pairing: Sidney Crosby/fem!Reader

Words: 4388 (w/o optional scene) / 7543 (full piece)

Warnings: minor language, somewhat unsafe sex

Requested: yes/no

Summary: “ hey so I found out recently that last week was the 10th anniversary of the Golden Goal (Crosby winning gold in overtime back in the 2010 Olympics) and I was thinking, maybe a fluffy (perhaps smutty?) imagine from that moment? “

It’s been a hard-fought game, excellent playing on both teams, though you’re tempted to say Canada has been playing just that much better. Your best friend being on that team has absolutely nothing to do with it, obviously, because that kind of bias wouldn’t stand in measured debate. Except the fact that you’re friends with most of Team Canada, and Sid being their star player might maybe- maybe, have something to do with why you’re on the edge of your seat five minutes into overtime, watching your friends from either side flit around the ice in a careful, frenzied dance. It’s not quite Miracle stakes, of course, but Canada vs. the United States is always an intense game to watch.

You could say something sappy, like that Sid is a poet on the ice, in a delicate ballet spanning all 200 feet, but you’d be lying. He’s plenty elegant, but more in the way of an engraved wrecking ball; pretty but too sturdy to be kept from getting where he wants to go. Maybe that’s poetic too, in its own way. Whether others would agree or not, it’s beautiful to you, the way he plays. The surety of his movements, the precision of the angle of his blade, the awareness of where anyone on the ice is at any given time. It’s a joy to watch him play, and that joy doesn’t fade no matter how many times you get to see it.

Six minutes into overtime, and it’s a constant roar of the crowd. The puck moves back and forth between teams, no hesitation where there isn’t room for it, the crowd cheering and booing in turns. Nash takes a solid shot, but it’s blocked just as solidly. Kessler starts taking it back down toward Canada’s side, and as they fly around with just enough control over the puck, you’re beginning to think this might go beyond overtime. But Canada takes the puck, skates it around in circles just long enough that you don’t notice what American player it is that Staal jukes expertly, taking just enough of a pause that they can regroup. Then there are passes and a steal and a blocked shot, and the USA has control again, barreling toward your net and almost scoring on a shit block, but the goalie comes through.

Then your breath is caught in your chest as Sid approaches the net, nearly barreling through a Team USA player to get close enough to pop off a shot, though it’s blocked. You make the mistake of taking a breath upon hearing his scream of “Iggy!”, and Sid doesn’t give you - or anyone for that matter -  the time to fully exhale before the puck is in the net.

The arena explodes. Erupts. Goes absolutely, unstoppably, wild. You’ve never heard so much concentrated noise, and you’d cover your ears if you weren’t so busy sucking in a breath so you can scream along with them. Canada v. USA and your best friend just scored the game-winning goal. In overtime. The Golden Goal, though no one in hockey really called it that yet.

You’re not terribly close to the ice, though not far, and virtually no one you know is seated near you, but everyone is hugging and kissing and twirling each other around, and you’re no exception. You hug the person to your right, and when you turn to the one on your left, he spins you around as your matching Team Canada jerseys smash together. The guy in front of you, unfortunately in blue, shakes your hand solemnly before sitting back down. At least he’s a good sport. You’re not keen on seeing what chaos is going on in the upper decks right now, honestly.

But beyond the revelry and camaraderie, your main goal is to get the hell out of here. Because there, somewhere under your seats, is the place where you’ll meet Sid and your other friends. Where you’ll get to see their faces for the first time in a long time, and hug them, and congratulate them to the best of your ability. But there’s still all the pomp and circumstance to get through, for the players at least, so you have a bit of time. Time enough to get rows down to the wives and girlfriends, so at least one of them can vouch for you to come back outside the locker room. The girls are already gathering their things by the time you get to them, because you’ve spent enough time watching the spectacle that it’s almost over. Sid just looks so happy, and you couldn’t bear to look away.

As you make your way over to the WAG’s section, you spot Ryan Whitney- one of Sid’s teammates on the Penguins- and you’re not sure what he’s expecting from you. The officials award Team USA with the silver medals, and he looks, for the most part, downcast. But as soon as he makes eye contact with you, you see the recognition, the fondness, the mischief. You know Whitney is one of the worst about chirping Sid (and you) about your “relationship”, so you don’t return the expression, only allowing a delighted smile in support of your boys. You can already predict the amount of chirping that he’ll give Sid once they reunite as teammates, him and the rest of the Penguins always being one to harmlessly tease you both in your relationship. 

Once you’re sufficiently close, one of the wives notices you and beckons you closer, pulling you in once you’re within arm’s reach. You get along well enough with most of them, Sid having invited you to enough of various team events to at least meet the majority of Canada’s WAGs. At least, this Team Canada’s WAGs. You’re not really one of them, but they’ve welcomed you heartily, always cooing over Sid and you as if you were some oscar-winning love story for the ages just because you’d been friends for years.

They vouch for you with security, and they’re kind enough to let you go, despite not having any special identification like the others. You probably would have had something, if Sid had known you were coming. But as far as he knew, you were still on the east coast, working on your post-grad. But the majority of the team (and their better halves) had insisted you come, and, well, you weren’t exactly opposed. But they thought it would be nice if you were a surprise, so you hadn’t been able to tell him where you were, despite being in the same city. Everyone figured if Canada lost, you’d be there to soothe the sore loser Sid inevitably was, and, hey, if they won, you could celebrate together. Luckily, it turned out to be the latter. Sid always turned to you first when he was overwhelmed; proof validated when he saw you outside of the locker room after the 2008 Stanley Cup Finals, practically breaking down into tears as he collapsed into your arms. Now, anyone with a mature sense of mind would see this as an emotional, iconic, heartbreaking moment for Sid the Kid - and it was - but they clearly didn’t witness the bitchier, grumpier side of him when you returned to Mario’s house, criticizing himself and the (debatably) dirty tactics of the Red Wings during the game. For your part, you just sat there on that couch with him, letting him lie down as if it were a therapy session, his head in your lap, and vent; occasionally agreeing and reassuring and doing your best to put his criticisms to rest, until the sun came up and he finally gave in to exhaustion. You didn’t want to openly admit it (and neither did anyone else), but your presence during that difficult time had done wonders for him. 

You chat with the gals as you all wait for the guys to talk to the media and get changed, discussing the oncoming celebrations as the guys, no doubt, have an initial celebration on their own. As much as you love talking to the girls, you can’t help but think about how happy Sid had looked, how overwhelmed with accomplishment and satisfaction. Knowing his penchant for never being content with himself, it’s all you’ve ever wanted for him.

Finally, the players start emerging from the locker room. They each go to their support in turn, wives and girlfriends and family. You’re waiting, waiting, waiting, until Sid eventually wanders out, backpack slung over his shoulders. He greets a few of his teammates’ family members, before his eyes finally catch yours. You feel your face break into a broad smile, whether you gave it permission to or not, and watch his own do the same. His smile is blinding, all-encompassing, seemingly more stunning than it had been even on the ice after his goal.

“Hey Sid,” you greet, easy as anything despite the way your heart is threatening to beat out of your chest. Sid is everything to you, always has been. Even since you were kids shooting at an old washing machine, since you were teenagers too anxious about being bad at it to kiss anyone, since you’ve reached adulthood and both of you were too unsure to make a move, he’s always been everything to you. And he always will be. Because he’s Sid, and you’re you, and that’s just the way of the world.

“Hey,” he greets in return, unable to make his face behave, though you can see him trying. It seems he gives up on that, because instead, he decides to close the gap between you as quickly as possible, sweeping you up in his arms and spinning you around. Where you would normally just giggle, you laugh out loud, taking part in the unrestrained elation of the group. And that which you feel growing in your chest with every second you spend near Sid.

“I thought you were working on your research,” he says after he puts you back on your feet, keeping you held close enough to his chest that you can feel the vibrations of the words.

“Never said I couldn’t work on it from Vancouver,” you reply, cheeky in a way he’s come to expect from you, but that hasn’t ceased to make him smile even wider. There’s nothing to say then, except everything. I’m so proud of you. You did an amazing job. You are amazing. I’m so in love with you. I have been for so long I think I was born loving you. But you don’t say any of that, because you’re not an idiot. You just hold him close until some of his teammates start whistling and egging you on to kiss. You plant an overdramatic kiss on his cheek to satisfy them, finally pulling away as much as you’re willing.

You know he’s socially obligated to spend some time with the team out at the bars, but you’re not particularly in the mood for even more noise. But it’s Sid, and he’s holding your hand as he leads you along, so you can’t imagine not agreeing to go. It’s just a blur of noise and congratulations and dancing and far less drinking than you’d imagined. At least on yours and Sid’s parts. Everyone else seems to be getting properly wasted, but Sid only has as many drinks as you do, and you intend to remember tonight, so you don’t have that many.

Eventually, Sid takes your hand again-- or maybe he’d never stopped holding it-- and tugs you toward the door, giving an uncharacteristic middle finger to his team when they cheer (and chirp) at the two of you leaving. You follow him outside without resistance, knowing anywhere Sid takes you is somewhere you want to go. That place ends up being the Olympic village, a place you never could’ve dreamed you’d see. But here you are, with Sid leading you back to his room like it’s nothing, like his team clearly wasn’t expecting something you hadn’t dared think was a possibility.

Once he pulls you into the room, he holds you close, just squeezing you tight and breathing into your hair for long moments. You let it be, savoring the moment of closeness, appreciating the fact that you get to have this. If nothing else, if you spend the rest of your life pining after him as you have for years, you get to have this.

“I’m glad you came,” Sid says, after an indeterminate amount of time.

“I am too,” you reply, meaning it more than you’ve meant much anything else in your life. You’d assumed you would actually be back home now, working on your project, until seemingly everyone you knew insisted you had to be here. You’re sure they hadn’t meant here, in Sid’s hotel room, in his arms, but they’d meant here nonetheless. And where else could you have possibly ended up? Alone at your own hotel room, sure, if Sid wasn’t Sid, and you weren’t you, and the two of you weren’t who you are, together.

“I scored that goal and all I could think is how much I wished you were there to see it,” he continues, nosing under your ear, “And then you were.” You chuckle gently like you always do when he gets like this, all sentimental and soft. Such a tough, emotionless boy to the world, but they didn’t know him like you did. No one knew him like you did.

“I’m always gonna be there, Sid,” you say, and you mean it. You’ve both been through enough over the years for you to be able to say that for certain, and even if you hadn’t, you still feel it deep in your soul that it’s true. You’d cross oceans for him, climb mountains, take a ten hour flight alone across a continent. For him. Always for him.

“I know,” he replies, like it’s that easy. Like following someone across half the world is easy, like loving the most loved (and most hated) man in the world is easy.

“I appreciate it, y’know,” he continues, interrupting your slightly bitter thoughts, “Everything you do for me. All of it. I see it. And I’m so grateful.” Okay, that’s a little better. Or a lot better. Or enough better that your heart is starting to melt again, as if it’s ever been solid around Sid to begin with. You just bury your nose in his hair and try not to gasp when he places a soft kiss against your neck. The two of you have done many things together; playing, studying, sharing a seat, sharing a bed. But that’s just how friends are, especially in hockey. Maybe it means something to you, maybe his lips soft and wet against your skin send a message, but surely not one he means to send. He’s Sid, and Sid’s never been good at communicating with people, or socializing, or whatever. You’re used to it.

“You smell,” you say, perhaps a bit desperate to break whatever this moment is. He doesn’t actually smell that badly, clearly having taken at least a cursory rinse in the locker room showers earlier, but it’s as good an excuse as any. May as well get another shower at this point, with the slight crowded-bar-smell hanging on him. He just laughs into your skin, which doesn’t help much, and sways the two of you back-and-forth.

“Can’t get rid of me that easy,” he says, before pulling away to look you in the eye, “Unless you want to.” Which, like, what? Who would want to get rid of him?

“ ‘Cause if you don’t feel the same, I get it,” he continues, babbling in that way he does when he’s nervous, “But I feel like you do, and I do, and you flew across a continent to be here, and you’re the only one I care about being here, and I just--” He won’t stop unless you stop him, and you’re still too scatter-brained to parse what he’s trying to say, so you just put a finger to his lips to silence him. He shuts his mouth immediately, looking into your eyes like he’s waiting for direction. Like you’re the only one who could give him direction.

“Shower first,” you say, not quite sure where else to go with this. Luckily, he nods mutely, following easily when you lead him into the bathroom by your linked hands. He’s obviously not going to start, and you’re still trying to remember how to think, so you’re the first to begin stripping. After your shirt is on the floor and your shoes and socks are on their way to join, he finally snaps into action. He tears off his own clothes and shoes with an urgency you don’t feel quite yet. It’s almost like when you were little kids, and getting showers together after mud fights didn’t have any kind of connotation or expectations.

But then he’s naked, and you’re naked, and you’re not kids anymore. He’s a grown man, carefully built for his career in a way that’s just a touch too appealing, and you’re a random post-grad who happened to be lucky enough to know him before he was him. But again, you’re not who you used to be. Does he find who you are now attractive? Are you worth his time? Or are you still just a friend? Not that that would be a bad thing; no, being Sid’s friend was one of the greatest honors of your life, it’s just. That’s not the extent of what you want him to see you as. You don’t want to be eternally nine years old, shooting pucks and shooting the shit in his driveway. You want to be someone he admires, someone worth talking to, someone worth knowing, someone worth spending time with after he scores the game winning goal in overtime at the goddamn Olympics. Which, it seems, you may be.

But he doesn’t say anything, so neither do you. You just take his hand yet again and lead him into the spray of the now (by far) warm water. For long moments, you just look at each other, letting the spray douse you. But his eyes are dark, and you’re caught between knowing what that look means and not believing it, so you grab the standard issue shampoo and force his head down enough that you can lather his just-long-enough curls. You have to pull him close to rinse, but then put him back into place to get a second lather going, knowing how greasy his hair can get, and how much he appreciates you massaging his scalp. After the second rinse, you take the bar soap in your hand and halt, not sure you can still wash him down without a feeling that wasn’t there when you’d first faced this task. You stand there with soapy hands and helplessly open eyes, simultaneously praying he doesn’t recognize what you’re conveying, and wishing he would finally see through you. You stare and stare, and he stares back, before placing a hand on your hip and the other on your jaw.

“You know why I was so happy you’re here?” he asks, and you’re not sure you want to answer. Because you’re his friend. Because you’re the only thing he has from back home. Because you make him feel safe.

“Because I love you,” he says, his voice hushed and eyes half-lidded, when you refuse to answer. You can feel your mouth drop open just the slightest, and your eyes get a bit too wide and watery for your own comfort. It’s-- no. Sid is. He’s just being Sid, appreciating a friend, letting you know he cares and your trip wasn’t for naught. Just. Anything but what you hadn’t dared to hope.

“Like,” he continues when you don’t respond, “Love you, love you.” That’s not-- you aren’t-- you and Sid aren’t like that, except he continues, “Like more than a friend.” And that’s-- that’s everything you’ve wanted to hear from him for years, but everything you can’t believe. Because even though you knew him when he was still gangly and painfully awkward, he was always still the Next One, in your mind, at least. You always knew he was going to be something special, something amazing, and you were just. Just you. Just some random post-grad who still wasn’t quite sure where she was going with her life. Except, maybe, that it would follow wherever Sid led.

“I’ve loved you for a long time,” he says, just keeps going, like he’s not rewriting every fact you have in your head about the two of you, about how you’re the one who loves him and not the other way around, “Pretty much as long as I’ve known you.” For a moment you think this is all a joke, but you can’t imagine Sid doing something that cruel to you. Leading you on for his own amusement.

“You’re everything to me, Y/N,” he brushes his thumb across your cheekbone and you still can’t breathe, can’t imagine how this is real, how this is your life.

“All I’ve ever wanted was to give you a reason to love me,” he continues, like that’s not absolutely ridiculous, like he hasn’t given you every reason to love him every second of the day for the last fifteen years. Like he didn’t call you during Juniors to ask how school was, even though he was doing something more important. Well, maybe not more important, but more prestigious at the time. He had been there for you when you needed extra practice, when you needed someone to hold up flash cards, when you needed someone to make you laugh when no one else could. That’s not really what Sid was known for, honestly, but that’s how you knew him. The one person who could walk into a situation and make you laugh like none of your problems even existed.

The point is, it’s you who should be confessing your unconditional love for Sid, not the other way around. And yet here he is, as he’s always been, one step ahead of the curve. Telling you he loves you as you debate whether you can wash him off without giving yourself away.  Doesn’t matter much now, does it?

“Really?” you ask, just to be sure, to make sure this isn’t some cruel joke, to protect yourself one last time. Sid’s eyes go from determined to unbearably soft, running both hands down the line of your neck.

“Of course,” he says, without hesitation, “Of course. Who else could I possibly love?” Your breath, your words, your entire being, gets stuck in your throat. Who else? Who else? Anyone! Anyone else! Your eyes are beading with tears and you’re glad there’s water running over the both of you, because otherwise it might get embarrassing pretty quickly. He could love anyone else, because anyone else wasn’t you. And isn’t that how love always goes? The one you love is always, in some way, better than you, and they always fall for someone better. Because you sit there and believe that as much as you love them, as much as you care for them and protect them and adore them, that there’s someone else better suited for them. And you give up the fight. But.

It’s Sid.

It’s Sid and he’s your best friend, and you haven’t been able to give him up until now, and you still can’t even give him up as he makes the biggest mistake of his life. But maybe loving you isn’t a mistake, because who knows him better than you? Who knows that he likes balsamic vinaigrette with a touch of whole grain mustard on his salads? Who knows that he walks an incredibly specific route around the Penguins arena to get to the room, and who is willing to take that route with him every time? Who knows that he’s so terribly afraid of not being enough that he puts everything he is into being the best, just to be worth something, that they work out with him during the summers, no matter how badly it hurts? Who better for him than you?

You laugh. It’s all you can do. You laugh and laugh and gasp for air and cling to him like he’s the last tangible thing on this planet until you can control yourself enough to look him in the eye. It takes many long moments of resting your head on his chest to get there, but his skin is warm and soft and yields against the careful presses of your lips.

“God, Sid,” you gasp, finally looking up into his dark, dark, scared, eyes, “Fuck.” His lips are soft when they meet yours, and you don’t see the look on his face, because you can’t keep your own eyelids open to watch. Because you’re finally kissing him, and he’s kissing you back,  and he’s clinging onto you like his life depends on it, and his dark lashes flutter open just a second behind your own, like you’re still in sync after all these years, like your souls could never be parted by anything so simple as time or distance.

“Took you long enough,” you say, laughing, despite the thoughts racing through your own head. I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I’d travel the world over to see you. I’d do anything for you. I love you.

Suddenly you’re both laughing. Maybe it’s not the time or place to do so, maybe it should’ve “ruined the mood” or something like that, but it’s the way you’ve always been and the way you hope you’ll always be. At first it starts out quiet and breathless as you part for air and look at each other in a newfound light, only to turn to bashful giggling and beautiful characteristic giggle-honks as you lean into each other, foreheads gently pressing together in an all-too-familiar way, eyes squeezed shut. Soon enough, your laughs echo off the walls as you hold each other under the warm spray of water cascading down your bodies and you’re both so terribly vulnerable, so open and bare to each other in this moment, but you can’t make yourself wish that this would ever end.

.

.

Optional Smut Scene Written Below (So we can possibly incorporate it into the main fic somehow if we plan on writing one):

Now that you’ve finally gotten to do it, you can’t quite help yourself from kissing him again, and again and again. His lips are slightly chapped from incessant cold, yet somehow still soft against yours. Both of your bodies are warm from the spray of the water, and you think you might die of heat stroke if you stay in the shower much longer. Besides, you’re not really trying to injure the hockey world’s sweetheart in a bizarre shower sex incident, so you don’t intend to stay in for much longer. Two minutes ago you might have questioned that thought, that you were about to have sex, but there’s no use in denying it now. Sid loves you. He loves you, and you love him, and nothing in this world or the next could stop you from getting him off.

But you can’t quite get yourself to stop kissing him long enough that you can bring up a venue change, because you’ve been thinking about this as long as you’ve known what kissing was for, and now you finally have it. So you hold him close and kiss him hopefully as senseless as he’s leaving you, only kind-of ignoring the press of his growing erection against your hip. You can’t fully ignore it, because it’s, like, there, and it’s Sid, and it’s for you.

Eventually he must have the same thought of the perils of shower sex, becuase he gasps out “bed” against your mouth and you’re helpless but to nod. You reach behind you to shut off the water, and he leads you out of the stall with deep kisses and wandering hands. It’s only when the backs of your still-damp knees hit the bed that it sets in, yeah, you’re going to do this. You’re going to fuck your best friend, and you’re going to do it because you’re in love.

He uses a hand on your back to lower you onto the mattress, like you’re something precious he doesn’t want to break. You can only laugh, making him bend over for a kiss before you scoot to straighten yourself out on the bed, and he follows like he couldn’t imagine an alternative. There’s more kissing, enough that you’d be sick of it with anyone else, and he’s working your breasts like your body is his thesis, rolling and flicking your nipples until you moan into his mouth. You can feel his smile at that accomplishment, and don’t resist giving him the satisfaction again and again.

It could be minutes, could be days, before he moves to your jaw, your neck, your shoulders, kissing and sucking and biting like he wants to leave marks, wants everyone to know you’re off limits. You’re not exactly opposed to the idea, but it is a bit tacky to show up with hickeys everywhere. Still, you’re not complaining. It would be kind of funny to see him all flustered when the guys chirp him half to death about it, anyway. It’s only when he reaches the base of your ribcage that he stops, pulls back enough for you to whine. What the fuck.

“I don’t have a condom,” he says without prompting, and okay, that’s kind of a good reason to pause. Fuck, why doesn’t he have one? Who doesn’t carry around a fucking condom?

“I uh,” he continues, cheeks flaming red from their previous pink flush, “I haven’t really wanted to sleep with anyone else, so.” Oh. That’s pretty sweet, honestly, and just enough to soothe the part of you that wants him inside you, like, now. You force him to meet eyes and smile.

“That’s pretty cheesy, Sidney,” you tease, running a hand through his curls. He buries his face in your stomach and mutters a “shut up”. Maybe you should’ve told him you were coming, so he could be prepared. No matter what you could’ve done, you can still work with this.

“Well,” you sigh overdramatically, “I guess I have a mouth.” You can feel his cocktwitch against your leg as he whispers a heartfelt “Fuck...” under his breath. There’s always tomorrow, you suppose, and it’s not like going down on him is going to be a hardship. Or maybe it will? You’ve never really done… all that, so maybe it’s harder than it looks? Shit, Sid is probably well seasoned in sexual aspects, and you’re gonna look like a fool. Except-

“I uh,” Sid starts, pauses, continues, “I haven’t really… with anyone.” Which is like, mind-blowing, cause he’s Sid and he’s hot and lovely and if you’re understanding him correctly, how has no one jumped on that?

“Haven’t what?” you ask, just for clarification. Good to know exactly what you’re dealing with.

“I’ve never, uh,” Sid seems hesitant to say it out loud, like he’s talking to his teammates and not you, who has known he’s a dork since you met him, “I’ve never had sex.” That’s, um. That’s certainly, something. Like, to be fair, neither have you, so you don’t have much room to speak, but you’re not a world famous athlete with women of all ages banging down your door to fuck.

“Why, though?” you ask, because your brain to mouth filter has been shot since he first kissed you. That’s a pretty personal question to ask, and you kind of feel bad. Until he responds with more ease and grace than you’d ever have expected.

“I always kind of hoped it would be you,” he says, and if he were anyone else, you’d probably try to act smooth about it - but you give him a blushing, broad smile instead, one that you’re sure shows a hint of feeling humbled and a bit over-complimented. Call it sappy all you want, but it’s true. He’s had all the opportunity in the world to have sex and he hasn’t, simply because he wanted it to be with you. You’re much less afraid of being bad at sex now, knowing that you’re on the same level, and it makes you even more eager to get down to it. And if he feels the same way you do- that there’s not much short of serious bodily injury that could make this any less perfect- you don’t have much to be worried about.

“I, uh, I haven’t either,” you respond, ignoring his wide eyes staring up at you, “I was kind of hoping it would be you, too.” In any other situation, it would be humiliating to admit, but, for the millionth time, it’s Sid, and that makes it okay. Sid makes everything okay. He looks hungry, suddenly, in a way he hasn’t yet, and you can only hope you live up to what he’s been imagining. Because he’s been imagining, Jesus Christ.

“Do you, uh, want to… go first, or?” you ask, not quite caring what he decides. But you’re on your back and he’s halfway down your body, so it seems pretty clear what should transpire next. Unless he’s into getting his own first, which is definitely valid, but you’re kind of hoping he wants you to get off first, just so you can focus on giving him the first time that he deserves.

“Fuck yeah,” he breathes, which isn’t much of an answer, because it could easily mean getting or giving, but any doubt you had about his answer is quickly answered by the way he continues to trail down your abdomen. So okay, yeah, he’s definitely going to eat you out, and that’s like, the subject matter of almost every dream you’ve had for the past five years, but it’s cool. It’s totally cool, and you’re cool, and not short of breath at all.

He spends almost too much time at your pelvis, sucking marks into the delicate skin of your hips and inner thighs, making you squirm with nothing but the heat and pressure of his mouth. It would be embarrassing, probably, with anyone else, but Sid has always had this air of earnest, unabashed passion that makes you feel like you’re allowed to want. And he seems happy enough about it, proud that he’s apparently as good at this as anything else he tries, if the noises you’re making are any indication. The faintest voice at the back of your mind hopes that you can hold up to scrutiny when it’s your turn, but mostly you’re just desperate for him to get on with it already.

“Let me know if it’s good?” he requests, the first outright sign of insecurity he’s shown since getting you into bed. You’re not sure it’s possible for him to mess this up, honestly, because it’s like. It can’t be that hard, right? And at first, he confirms these assumptions, running his tongue over your labia, just enough pressure and slickness to make it work. He uses his hands to spread your thighs more, baring more of you to him. And it’s... Okay, it’s good. It’s like, really good. But it’s not enough. He’s running his tongue through your folds and sucking and you’re making noises that surely couldn’t be attractive in any other context, but it’s not enough. If he wanted to keep you here for the next year, eating you out, this would be perfect, but you’re kind of looking to come, and this just isn’t gonna get you there.

“C’mon, Sid,” you plead, “More.” At that, he works his way higher, like he’s searching for- oh. Okay. Yeah, that’s your clit and he probably only knows it because he read about it somewhere, because he’s a nerd and you love him for it. Except the single-minded attention is just a bit too much at this point, and you have to push him away when he tries to suck hard at you, too much too soon, despite feeling like you’ve been ready forever.

“Just, fuck,” you curse, not sure how to direct him. But he seems to get the message, going back to alternating wide stripes up your folds and directionless swiping with a pointed tongue. Eventually, he gets up the nerve to dip into you with his tongue, and it’s just enough that you buck into his face. He takes this as encouragement, as he should, so he continues interspersing his licks with deep strokes of his tongue. You can feel your orgasm building in the curve of your hips, the back of your neck, the ends of your teeth, when he meets your eyes once again. You just nod, and he seems to get the message, going for your clit again. He licks and sucks and whereas it was too much before, it’s just enough now. You can’t help the way your hips move incessantly toward his mouth, desperate for anything he’ll give you, and let your orgasm wash through you in cresting waves that mimic the rolling of your hips. You wish you’d been looking him in the eye, something romantic like that, but it is what it is. And what it is, is the best orgasm you’ve had in your short life. You could probably die riding his face, fingers clenched tight in his dark curls.

Eventually, you have to push him away, too sensitive for him to keep going. You’re not exactly ready to jump back into action, too wrung out by all of it to immediately spring up and suck him off. Which is definitely something in the future, because he’s pressing the heel of his hand to himself, and you’re pretty sure he’d come at any moment if you could just manage to get down to it. After long moments catching your breath, you’re finally back to earth enough to move. It seems as though that’s not really a problem, though, because Sid has been watching you intensely since you separated, like your pleasure was his own. He kisses you deeply, and you can’t decide if the taste of yourself on his tongue is sexy or weird. Probably sexy. Kind of hot. Definitely hot.

It’s easy enough to sit up and push Sid back, laying him flat to switch the dynamic enough that you can kiss him breathless. You mimic his movements, drawing long lines along his neck and collarbones and chest with your mouth, like you’re trying to make a topographical map. God, he’d probably love that, huh? That shouldn’t be hot, but it kind of is, like everything about Sid, so you let it slide. Thinking of maps isn’t the way you thought this would go, but knowing Sid, you probably should have expected it. If he’s a nerd, you are too.

Almost as soon as you’d started, you’re at his hips, teasing him with sucking kisses and light bites as much as he had you. He doesn’t get the reference, or at least doesn’t make it a competition, as you’d almost assumed it would be, rolling his hips toward you far more smoothly than you’d anticipated.

“Been practicing?” you ask, sucking a mark at the base of his dick. You kind of hope he hasn’t, because you haven’t, but you wouldn’t fault him for the experience.

“Might have watched some videos,” he grunts, throwing his head back at the suction to the crease of his hip, “Thought about it.” You’re over being surprised that he’d thought of you, because he’s said it enough, but the statement still shoots straight to your own groin. It’s all you need to duck down and take the head of his dick into your mouth. You huff out a laugh at the sound he makes in response to your lips, and you hope he knows it’s not mean-spirited. You’d laughed at each other plenty over the years, and you hope you don’t have to stop now that this is a… thing. You run your tongue down his length and back up, trying to the best of your ability to be sexy, but you’re not sure if it’s working. He groans and closes his eyes as he throws his head back, though, so you take that as a good sign. After lavishing the base with as much attention as you’re willing with how badly you want him in your mouth, you finally take him down as far as you dare. It’s not necessarily impressive, but it’s enough to make him take hold of your head. You don’t expect him to force you down, and he doesn’t, though you kind of want him to. Logically, you know you don’t have the experience to resist gagging if he did, but the possibility is definitely something to work on.

You try it yourself after a while, curious as to how much you can take. You’d gladly take whatever he gave you, but you’re pretty sure your gag reflex would disagree. But it ends up that he just twists his hips in smooth arcs, more interested in the fact that it’s you getting him off than anything else. It’s kind of heady, to know that he’s turned on by your presence more than what you’re doing, but also a challenge to your over-competitive soul. If he’s going to come for you, he’s going to feel it.

So you pull out all the tricks you’ve heard about, teasing the head and the base with your tongue and fingers, twisting your wrist, making as much eye contact as you can manage. Sid has waited his whole life to have his first time with you, and you’re going to make it as good as you can. Not just out of competitiveness, but out of adoration.

He digs his fingers into your scalp when he’s close, mumbling something incoherent, and you don’t bother even trying to pull off. He comes into the back of your mouth and down your throat, and you’re glad you’d stayed on, just to see the look on his face when you do. He’s beautiful like this. Like anything, really. Put together or torn apart, he’s perfect in your eyes. Maybe it’s sappy, but it’s true.

You gently slide his cock out of your mouth, your tongue sliding against the still-hard erection as you finally release him. Licking your lips, you hummed to yourself, surprised at how tolerable he tasted. You’d been under the impression that it would be gross, but it honestly wasn’t that bad; a little salty, a tad bitter, but overall fine. Possibly just because it’s Sid, but fine either way. ‘Yeah,’ you thought. ‘I’m doing this way more often.’ Suddenly the realization hits you: this may very well be the first of many times you’ll get to do this. Your cheeks burn a little bit hotter than they do already as you try to hide your giddy smile.

Your thoughts are suddenly halted once Sid tugs you up towards him, connecting your lips once again. You’re a bit surprised at how deeply he kisses you-- as much as you’d enjoyed the taste of him, you hadn’t expected him to be interested in even the possibility of the same. Nonetheless, he kisses you just as he had before, like he’s still amazed he gets to have this, and he’s trying to make the most of it in case it’s taken away. After you pull away for breath, he moves to plant kisses on your cheeks, your forehead, your nose. You giggle and lightly smack his chest, burying your face in his neck to hide your smile. No part of tonight has been anything you’d imagined, from his goal to where you are now, together, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Hey Y/N?” he says, once your giggles have calmed and you’re left breathing against his skin. You hum, not quite up to the task of speaking yet. He nudges you until you lift your head, so he can look you in the eye in that way that makes you feel like he’s seeing straight into your soul.

“I love you,” he says. You don’t even have to think about it.

“I love you too,” you reply, easy as breathing. Broad smiles break over both of your faces. You know you both mean it, more than you’ve meant anything in your lives. He kisses you again, just lazy movement of lips against lips, so warm and comfortable you don’t bother wondering how long it goes on for.

“Sleep time,” you demand, eventually. He grins and tosses you around until he’s spooned up against your back, arms wrapped securely around you. You take deep, steady breaths until you’re just on the edge of consciousness. He says “I love you” again, whispered into the back of your neck like he thinks you’re already asleep. You mumble it back, before allowing the darkness to take you. You’ll have every moment of the rest of your lives to prove it to him, if you have any say in the matter.

[gottlem]

you belong with me (gigi x crystal)

a/n - some of this isnt proofread so im SORRY if it gets messy at the end it is literally 3am. also this is my first fic so pls be kind i dont know what im doing like at all. (also keep a look at for slight jackie x jan) this was inspired by someone wanting a fanfic based off of you belong with me by taylor swift and i loved the idea so here we are and i am sorry.

-----

Gigi and Crystal are best friends. Growing up living so close to each other made them an absolute power-duo, for years on end they have been inseparable at all times. When they were younger, Gigi would sleep over at Crystals every single weekend and neither of them would ever get sick of eachother. They spent their nights giggling at nothing and making pinky promises “to never ever not be friends” and that they would be each other's “favourite person” forever, because they didn’t know that life can get a tad bit more… complicated when you start to get a little older. Living in ignorant bliss of the impending doom of high school, they would spend their time in their own little bubble, making the most of each other's company. In their minds, it wasn’t a question whether or not they loved each other. The answer was there without even having to ask the question, but of course they were too young to fully understand anyway.

In her early teens, Crystal would slowly realise that if young Gigi and Crystal were a boy and a girl, everyone would have joked about them being together with them being so close, but since they had been two little girls, they were just best friends in everyone’s eyes. Crystal would also slowly realise that ‘just best friends’ isn’t really where she wanted to stay with Gigi, but that truth wouldn’t come for another few years. She learned about the term ‘lesbian’ when there was a rumour in the 7th grade that she was one. It hadn’t fully occurred to her that girls could like girls in that way, but when she did google what it meant on a random wednesday night, it seemed so obvious. Natural. Of COURSE girls can like girls, they’re so pretty! Needless to say, it didn’t take her very long to understand that maybe the rumour was actually true- but nobody needed to know that. Not even Gigi. Definitely not Gigi. To be honest, she didn’t know where her friend even stood on topics like this, but they had never even talked about boys, so she absolutely didn’t want to risk bringing up girls. 

In 7th grade, Gigi already knew what a lesbian was. She heard talks about her best friend being into girls, but she paid it no mind. If Crystal was gay, she’d tell her, right? Gigi could be trusted with that kind of stuff. Either way, she wouldn’t bring it up. Maybe Crystal hadn’t even heard about it, maybe she was completely oblivious. Yeah. That must be it. It was around this time Gigi realised she herself might like girls. But it had nothing to do with Crystal. Nothing at all. In fact, the topic of relationships had never even come up between them. In 8th grade, Gigi started to get little crushes, exclusively on girls. This was the year she decided she was a lesbian. By then, the rumours about Crystal were long forgotten, but her friend’s sexuality was almost always in the back of Gigi’s mind. Crystal had never expressed interest in boys (or girls for that matter), but then again neither had Gigi. She knew she would have to come out to Crystal at some point - there was no WAY she was hiding a future girlfriend from her best friend. 

One night in the summer before 9th grade, Gigi slept over at Crystal’s house. Just like old times, except now both girls had quite a big secret they were hiding from each other, completely unbeknownst to the fact that it was the exact same secret. Gigi was going to tell her by the end of the night. She was SURE of it. The hours passed like minutes and before the girls knew it, the sun had completely set outside and the moon shone down into Crystal’s brightly coloured bedroom (some would think it’s decor is all over the place, but Gigi would describe it as being perfectly Crystal). The pair had settled into a slow, but somehow not very sleepy conversation despite the time, by around 1am. If Gigi was going to tell her, it was now or never. Before she could change her mind, Gigi had looked Crystal in the eye and started with “I really need to tell you something”. She had rambled on about how much she trusted Crystal, and how much she wanted her to accept this. Crystal didn’t have any idea what Gigi could possibly be leading up to, but she did absoluetly not expect to hear “I’m gay, Crys” coming from her friend’s mouth at 1 in the morning. 

The confession left Crystal speechless. Of course she didn’t judge Gigi, she was gay too! She was just shocked. How long had Gigi known? How long have they both known and didn’t tell eachother? It took Gigi’s tearful eyes and furrowed brows to tear Crystal out of her overthinking. Shit. She hadn’t even responded. 

“Crystal. Are you mad? Oh my god you’re mad aren’t you? Or like weirded out? I can go if you want. I get if you’re like uncomfortable with me staying over now-”

“Gi”

“-I don’t have to sleep in  your room. I’m sorry I told you. We never talk about this kind of stuff why did I think telling you would be ok? I-”

“Gigi!” Crystal shook Gigi’s shoulders to get her attention. Her eyes were bloodshot and Crystal cursed her brain for short circuiting when it did. She knew she had to tell Gigi now. 

“Me too” her voice came out as a whisper, but it cut through the silence of the room with ease. It was Gigi’s turn to be stunned into silence. Neither of the girls said anything. Crystal just hugged her friend. She didn’t stop until they woke up in the morning. That week, Crystal let her eyes linger on her friend a little longer than normal every time they passed each other at school. She found herself re-typing text messages and doing anything to speak to Gigi. She knew what all this meant, but she would not tell Gigi. It was  just a little crush. Everybody gets little crushes.

10th grade rolls around far too quickly than anyone would like to accept. Gigi and Crystal are as close as ever. Well, as close as ‘just friends’ can be, much to Crystal’s (hidden) dismay. Jan and Jackie, who had become very good friends with the pair in 9th grade, would constantly tease Crystal about her not-so-small-anymore crush on Gigi when the other girl wasn’t looking. Of course, Crystal hadn’t told them, but it wasn’t necessarily difficult for the couple to figure it out when she would stare at Gigi every chance she got. The teasing only got more painful about a month into 10th grade, when Gigi started dating the new student, Nicky. Suddenly, Crystal felt herself become awkward around her best friend - someone she used to feel so free with. It was easier to pretend she wasn’t falling in love with her when she was single. But now, now she had someone to be jealous of. Someone to remind her that clearly she’s just not good enough for Gigi. Every now and again, Gigi wouldn’t show up to their usual lunch table, leaving Crystal to third wheel with Jan and Jackie. On these days, Crystal didn’t bother looking for Gigi, she knew who she was with, and frankly she couldn’t bear to see them together. When she first saw the couple kiss, it made her stomach drop. Gigi was waiting for the bus when her friend sat next to her and made easy conversation. They were smiling and laughing until Nicky’s car (because of course she could drive) came to pick Gigi up. When she got in the car, the couple shared a moment far too intimate for Crystal’s liking. She pried her eyes away until she heard the car leave.

By Winter break, Gigi and Nicky had been dating for three months. Crystal wasn’t very familiar with how their relationship was going - she knew it would only hurt her if she always asked Gigi about it. If Gigi wanted to talk to her about it, she would bring it up, and apparently Gigi really didn’t want to talk to her about it. Crystal was fine with this. Well, Crystal was fine with this until there was a knock on her door at 11:58pm on a December night coming from the one and only Gigi Goode. Who was crying. Like, really crying. Crystal took the girl's hand and rushed her to her room, sitting her on the bed they had shared (platonically!!!!) many times before. She let her cry. Crystal had learned in her 16 years of life that sometimes, you just gotta cry. Still, the sight of her friend sobbing so much wasn’t an easy one to digest, nor was it one she had seen often. 

After god only knows how long, Gigi’s cries had died down, she was in Crystal’s pyjamas (which Crystal thought was too much for her brain to handle right now, but considering the situation she pushed these thoughts the the back of her mind, as if she hadn’t tried that for the past year anyway) and she was holding a glass of ice water between both hands. It was Crystal who broke the silence. 

“What’s up?” She was quiet, scared that speaking too loudly would cause the fragile girl infront of her to break down again. But she didn’t. Her brows furrowed and she had a look on her face that Crystal couldn’t quite place, something she wasn’t used to by any means after being friends for a good ten years now. 

“It’s nothing. Me and Nicky just had an argument”

“And this is why you came to my house in hysterics in the middle of the night in Winter. Ok, sure.” She deadpans. Gigi gave her a look as if to say ‘you bitch’ but there’s a fondness behind it nonetheless. 

“Ok fine. It’s more than nothing. It feels like all we ever do is argue anymore. We do like, two things; we argue or we mess around, yknow? And I’m kind of sick of it! It’s like I’m here for her to make out with and that’s all that we have going for us. That’s the only good thing. And shouldn’t there be more? Shouldn’t there be romance, and dates and shouldn’t we be able to be stupid in front of eachother and-” She started to cry again, though not as intense as before, definitely enough to stop her little rant. Crystal thought it was for the better, if she heard anymore of that she might start crying herself. She could give Gigi all of that. Hell, she already did for the most part.

Crystal was torn. She wanted to tell Gigi she should break up with Nicky. She knew it would be for the better, for both of them, but she still felt like it would be selfish of her to give that advice. She didn’t want to accidentally take advantage of Gigi, with her being in such a vulnerable space. So she tells Gigi the facts - well, she didn’t really have much (or any) experience so they could be completely false, but to her they seemed quite solid.

“Couples have honeymoon phases. They can’t keep their hands off each other because they’re so obsessed with this new person they have all to themselves and people get carried away. It’s human nature. But that dies down, or it should. Eventually. Couples argue. It’s healthy to disagree and make up every now and again but there comes a point where it’s just too much. I think you know where that point is. I can’t make it up for you, it’s not my relationship, babe” Crystal let the pet name slip without thinking too much about it. She was tired and it was a school night, and her friend was upset. She told herself it meant nothing. Gigi hugged her and fell asleep quite quickly, exhausted from her emotions having taken over.

Nicky was beautiful. Drop dead gorgeous. Painfully stunning. This was a fact, this was understood by boys and girls alike, gay straight or bi. Gigi was lucky to have her, or maybe she wasn’t. Crystal didn’t know anymore. She could see why Gigi had clearly fallen so hard for the french girl, with her fashion forward style and her thick accent that Crystal had no option to admit was just plain sexy. Again, this was all fact. Gigi was also beautiful. That’s why everyone loved them together. Aesthetically, their relationship just worked. But Crystal had a tear stained pillow and a broken girl to prove that aesthetics mean nothing unless there’s love there too. And Crystal loves Gigi. She always has, and probably always will. Crystal didn’t like Nicky. She didn’t like the knowing glares she would get as they passed each other in the hall. It was as if the french girl could read her damn mind and she didn’t like it one bit. It wound her up to no end. She also didn’t like how she would argue with Gigi until she would cry and cry and run to Crystal’s house, sobbing into her pillow. It became routine. The pillow was pushed to the side, specifically for when Gigi came to cry her mascara onto it. Nicky would always apologise the next day. Gigi would always accept it. Crystal felt more and more hopeless.

A few months later, the routine continues. Gigi sends Crystal a text one night in February at around midnight, to say she’s coming over (a new-ish development in the all too familiar routine) and Crystal prepares the signature glass of water and the tear-soaked pillow for her friend. When she opens the door after Gigi’s knocking, she is met with no tears. Actually, she is met with a smile. Crystal just stands there. Gigi walks casually up the staircase and into Crystal’s bedroom, taking the glass of water and sitting cross-legged on her bed, hugging the pillow, but not for emotional support - because it's just comfier. Crystal follows her, a million questions on the tip of her tongue. She sits opposite to Gigi.

“I broke up with Nicky”

Oh.

OH.

“Just now? Oh my god, are you ok?” Crystal hears herself replying before she even knows what to say, she’s glad she didn’t say something stupid.

“No actually, I broke up with her this morning. I was talking to Jan and Jackie about it earlier, but you weren’t there. Plus, I wanted to tell you like this anyways. Here. Feels like tradition. Like it’s come full circle.”

“Are you sure you’re ok though?” It’s honestly creepy to see Gigi so calm over Nicky, after all the tears she had spilled before.

“Yeah. I think it truly ended a long time ago.”

“Oh.”

It’s silent. Crystal feels tense. Like there’s something else to be said, like something else is going to happen. And she’s right. Because when she looks up, Gigi is staring at her, pupils wide and ears red. Crystal feels like she’s under a microscope. A breath gets stuck in her throat. Gigi giggles at it. She giggles and she inches forward. She inches forward and lifts her hands. She lifts her hands to Crystal’s face. And they’re kissing. They’re kissing and Crystal is smiling. When they pull away, Gigi has plump lips and a dumb smile on her face. Crystal loves it. They sit there for a minute, just staring at each other. Letting each other give the moment a second to sink in. When it does, they laugh. And then they talk about it. And then they kiss some more. And then they fall asleep. So what if it took Gigi a bad relationship to see what was standing right infront of her? Now they have each other, and that isn’t going to change.

[365days365movies]

February 11, 2021: The Bridges of Madison County (1995)(Part 1)

Y’know, if you were going to tell me that one of the most famous American romances of all time was directed by this guy...

I would be very surprised. And surprised I am, because The Bridges of Madison County is indeed directed by Clint Eastwood, who also acts as one of its leads alongside one of the most famous actresses of the time. That, of course, would be Meryl Streep, who’s going to get yet another Best Actress nomination for this role. Believe it or not, this is going to be her 8th for BA, and 10th nomination overall, with only 2 wins included (one for Actress and one for Supporting Actress).

Finally, this is another period piece, also taking place in the 1960s. I guess historical romances were real popular in the 90s to 2000s. Go figure! This will probably be the last, as I have a hankering to move onto another subgenre. So, shall we? SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

At a home in what I can only assume is Madison County, Iowa, siblings Carolyn (Annie Corley) and Michael Johnson (Victor Slezak) arrive at their now deceased mother’s home for the execution of her will. They learn that she has wished to be cremated, and for her ashes to be scattered over a local bridge, which they are...NOT happy about, goddamn! Respect your mother’s wishes, guys, dear Lord!

They uncover an envelope containing photos from 1965 that they’ve never seen, all of which show her posing near various The Bridges of Madison County. Upon looking at them, Carolyn has a realization, and asks Michael to come along. They ask the lawyer and Michael’s wife to leave them, and they go through it in private.

The letters

See, they’ve found letters to their mother from Robert Kincaid, a photographer for the magazine National Geographic, seemingly confessing to an illicit secret love affair. However, he’s also dead, and has asked for his ashes to be scattered off of the same bridge. Michael (whom I REALLY don’t like, by the way, he’s an ABSOLUTE dick) believes that he influenced her to do the same, but Carolyn’s not sure. Also amongst the letters is a key.

The key opens a chest, within which is a camera and a collection of other items, as well as a letter addressed to them both. Written in 1987, it’s addressed to Carolyn because she knew that Michael would be a little pissbaby about it (look, I REALLY don’t like him, he’s being an ass). In the letter to them, she confesses to them the affair, which took place when Robert Kincaid went there to photograph The Bridges of Madison County. The entire affair is documented in three notebooks, which they begin reading.

1965! Italian immigrant Francesca Johnson (Meryl Streep) is cooking dinner for her husband Richard (Jim Haynie) and her two teenaged kids, all of whom are on the way to the Illinois State Fair to exhibit Carolyn’s prize steer. The marriage is passionless, and the kids aren’t exactly opened up to her mother. 

It doesn’t seem like a bad life, but it is kind of a dull one. Or, y’know, complacent and stable because not every relationship has to be a sequence of whirlwind passion and glory, and one shouldn’t abandon a good loving situation for a WEEKEND-LONG FLING GODDAMN IT I AM SICK AND TIRED OF INFIDELITY IN THESE GODDAMN MOVIES HOLY SHIT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE LAST FOUR FILMS HAS FEATURED IT AND I AM SICK OF IT

For the record, I’ve never been cheated on, nor have I cheated on anyone, but this trend in romance movies...troubles me. Seriously, I get that the last few, especially In the Mood for Love, have looked at infidelity as a serious issue, but...just one. Just one great romance movie that doesn’t require infidelity for its main couple to get together. Please? I mean, if you include the never seen Rosaline or betrothed Paris in Romeo + Juliet, that movie also had infidelity in it, meaning the only ones WITHOUT ANY FORM of infidelity in 11 DAYS have been Dirty Dancing and Pretty Woman. Guys. C’mon.

Yeah, yeah, OK, moving on. Sorry, that rant’s been building for a bit.

Anyway, the kids and Richard take off, leaving Francesca by herself at the house. As she’s doing chores, who should pull up but photographer Robert Kincaid (Clint Eastwood), who’s looking for Roseman Covered Bridge to photograph it. But, he’s lost, and he asks Francesca for directions.

However, the directions there are pretty complicated, and even Francesca seems to get them mixed up. She agrees to show him there in person, and the two take off in his car.

In the car together

The two get to know each other a bit over the course of the drive. Robert notes that he’s been to her hometown in Italy, having been there once because he considered it pretty. She’s fascinated by the decision, but I’m not sure if its because she thinks he’s crazy, or because she thinks he’s intriguing

They make it to Roseman Bridge, where Robert takes some preparatory photographs and Francesca walks along the bridge itself. I will say, I live in a place with some covered bridges, and is it weird that I feel like visiting a nearby one tomorrow? Honestly, I think that’s exactly what I’ll do. Maybe do some birdwatching nearby, contribute to the Great Backyard Bird Count, something, y’know?

Out of appreciation for her help, he picks her some flowers, which she claims are poisonous. The two bond over this, and he drives her back home. And that SHOULD be it, as the two part and introduce each other by first name. But, she offers him some iced tea, and he accepts. HERE we go.

In the house, the two continue to bond, and Francesca begins to reveal some frustration with her home life, as well as her life in Iowa as compared to what she had dreamed of. To that, Robert says the following, which he claimed he wrote one day on the road.

The old dreams were good dreams. They didn’t work out, but I’m glad I had them.

That is...that is a nice line WAIT. Am I buying into this coupling? ALREADY?

So, here’s the thing thus far about this month. Some couples have had great chemistry, and some haven’t been perfect. On the top for me so far are Richard and Vivian from Pretty Woman, Johnny and Baby from Dirty Dancing, Emma and George from Emma, Yuri and Lara from Doctor Zhivago, and the highest being Mr. Chow and Mrs. Chan from In the Mood for Love (although, that one amounts to wishful thinking). But all of those took a little bit to build up. so HOW IS IT that I’m already shipping these two (despite the infidelity, of course)?

Francesca seems to agree with me as she watches Robert wash up outside, after having invited him to stay for dinner. He helps her prepare dinner, then charms her (and me, incidentally) with charming stories and dinner jokes. Real talk, I like Robert, he’s a charming guy.

After dinner, she notes that she was once a schoolteacher, but her kids and husband didn’t approve of her working. 1960s, after all. She brushed this off, and asks the location of the most exciting place he’s ever...been...shit, this is an example of excitement being introduced into a boring life, huh?

That trope is one of the most annoying to me in these movies. The Notebook had a bit of that, and I wasn’t a fan, but this is the first time that it’s a straight-up example of that trope. And...I’m buying it? WHY AM I BUYING THIS

Francesca becomes a bit conflicted at this point, and the two share some brandy together. But we’re shot back into the present day, where Michael (UUUUUGH) accuses Robert of trying to get her drunk to take advantage of her. However, Carolyn sympathizes with them both, citing her own currently faltering marriage.

Back in 1965, the two have a slight disagreement about how they live their lives. Robert leaves for the night, and they surprisingly don’t do anything untoward. However, I’m ore than willing to bet that Francesca’s now thinking about it. She gets a phone call from Richard in Illinois, but begins to tear up as Robert leaves. She steps outside in a bathrobe and flashes the wind.

That night, she writes a message to Robert, and drives out to the bridge, where she leaves it for him. She tells him to give her a call, inviting him over the following day. The next morning, he sees the note while taking a picture of the bridge, then calls her afterwards and accepts the invitation. He also invites her to come along with him to take pictures of the bridges, which she accepts in turn.

OK, let’s go for a Part 2! See you there!

[cloudyreflections]

Heartaches, and headaches - Steve Harrington x fem!reader

A/N: I don’t know shit about concussions and neither does Steve on this so bear with me on this imagine lmao

Summary: Steve’s heart hurts, but so does your head.

-

The music seemed to be louder at the moment Steve stepped out of the bathroom of Tina’s halloween party. His vision was blurry because of the tears that were threatening to come out, and he felt like his lungs were burning for oxygen, something that was lacking in the smoke, sweat and booze enviroment that he was breathing inside the house. Drunk and sticky bodies were bumping against him while he tried to get passed by the crowd of teenagers partying.

Reaching the doorknob of the entrance door felt like a relief, and Steve knew that if he didn’t get out of that house quickly he would pass out. Anger and sadness from the recent events made him open the door roughly, unfortunately knocking someone’s head in the process.

“What the hell, Harrington?!” The girl complained loudly, clutching at her forehead in pain. Her hard gaze met his teary one, softening a bit at the sight of his red eyes just to look the other way immediately.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” Steve asked the girl, grabbing her by the shoulders, trying to get a look at the bump. She removed her hand from her forehead, realising that she had blood on her palm. Steve started to freak out.

“Are you seriously asking me that?” The girl said angrily, clutching her wound once again and closing her eyes at the pain.

“Can you stop being a bitch at me for one second in your life, (Y/N)? Let me take you to the doctor.” Steve tried to take a look at the wound once more.

“Don’t be so dramatic Harrington, I’m okay.” (Y/N) said while she started to look for some kind of tissues inside the pockets of her coat.

“That doesn’t look okay, let me take you to the hospital so they can see it.” The brown haired boy said, still freaking out at the sight of so much blood.

“I said I’m fine, Harring-” She stopped midsentence when her vision got foggy and the floor beneath her started to feel as if it was moving, making her loose her balance.

“Hey, hey, hey, (Y/L/N)! That’s it you’re coming with me.” Steve said while he took her arm and drafted it over his shoulder helping her come down the stairs of the porch so he could take her to his car.

“Why did you open the door so fucking harshly, Harrington?” She mumbled incoherently, pressing the wound so it wouldn’t hurt that much.

Steve ignored her comment while he took out his keys and opened the passenger’s seat door, helping the girl get in.

“Fuck!” (Y/N) whined loudly, her face contorting in pain when accidentally Steve made her bump her forehead against the car while trying to get her inside.

“Shit, shit, sorry, I’m sorry!” He apologized panicking, grabbing her head more carefully this time, and sitting her inside the car.

“Yeah, yeah. Just give me some tissues, goddammit.” She grumbled, tiredly. Steve opened the compartment of the car, taking out some tissues.

“Here, there you go. Hey, hey! Don’t fall asleep, (Y/L/N)!” He shouted at her while shaking her shoulders when he saw her closing her eyes.

“Stop yelling, you douche. I heard you.” (Y/N) groaned, pushing his hands off her shoulders.

Steve put her seatbelt on, and then closed the door, cursing out loud while he started walking to the driver’s seat.

He started the car as fast as he could, checking on the girl all the time, I mean, he couldn’t have her dying inside his car. Fuck, what has he gotten himself into?!

(Y/N) had her head resting against the cold window, a tissue pressing against the wound, semi-conscious and semi-drunk, looking outside.

“Hey Harrington,” She mumbled, while drawing smiley faces in the foggy glass.

“Yeah?” He looked at her briefly, and then started paying attention to the road ahead. His palms were clammy against the steering wheel, nervously speeding up to get to the hospital quickly.

“Did you hit me really fucking hard, or did I really saw you crying back at the party?” (Y/N) asked confused, and moving to get more comfortable in the seat.

Steve gripped the wheel harder, and inhaled sharply, clearly uncomfortable. He knew that she was not thinking clearly right now. All this panicking made him somehow put the sad recent events in the back of his head, and her question brought them back to his consciousness.

Ruffling his hair with one hand, he decided to ignore her question. And luckily for both of them, they were one block away from the hospital.

The nurses cleaned (Y/N)’s wound, made a few stitches and then gave her some medicine for the pain. After all of this, they told Steve to try to keep her awake just in case, and that she should put some ice on the wound.

Helping her get in the car this time wasn’t so difficult as the first time, considering she was a little bit more awake now. Still, she didn’t cooperate.

The drive was pretty much silent for most of the time, except from Steve’s consisting scolding at (Y/N) to not get her head out of the window.

“Are you taking me to my house, Harrington? Because I don’t have my keys.” (Y/N) broke the silence inside the car, while she realised she had left her purse back in Jonathan’s car.

“We’re actually going to my house, you never told me your address, (Y/N).” Steve looked at her, eyebrows rising when he saw her covering her mouth. “Are you okay?”

“I think I need to throw up.” She complained starting to undo her seatbealt.

“Please not inside the car, please!” Steve started panicking for the 10th time on this night, looking for somewhere to stop the car at.

“Then stop the car right here, you fucking asshole!” She yelled at him, feeling a new wave of nausea come all over her again.

“Okay, okay!” He stopped the car abruptly, and when he turned his head, (Y/N) was already out of the car, throwing up beside the road.

Steve rubbed his palms all over his face, dropping his forehead against the steering wheel. After a few minutes and hits from Steve’s forehead against the wheel, they were back on their way to Steve’s house once again.

Steve helped the girl out of the car ignoring her complains about him being “a big haired douche” and something about him having “a typical douchey house”.

Once they were inside his house, he sat her down on the couch and brought her a frozen bag of peas and water, just to find her almost falling asleep.

“Wow, wow, (Y/L/N) wake up, you have to stay awake for tonight.”

“What?! All night?! I’m so fucking tired.” She protested, rubbing her eyes and snatching the bag of peas from his hand.

He plopped himself tiredly next to her on the couch.

“Well, you’re not the only one.” He said, his voice muffled by his palms rubbing his face.

(Y/N) groaned, throwing her head back, exhausted.

“Well, Harrington, you might aswell entertain me at least.” The girl sighed, focusing on keeping her eyes open.

Steve sighed aswell, sitting on the couch.

“What do you want me to tell you?” He asked, looking at her.

Silence filled the room. The sound of their steady breathings was the only thing that they could hear for a few moments.

“Do you want to talk about what happened back at the party?” She asked quietly, hoping that he would not kick her ass out of his house for asking about it.

For another minute they stayed in silence, both staring at the ceiling. And when she opened her mouth to apologize, Steve finally talked.

“Nancy…” He stopped midsentence to sigh while he ruffled his hair. “Nancy and I- we- we broke up. Well actually, she broke up with me.” Steve laughed bitterly while he remembered the scene. He didn’t understand why he was telling herthis, especially Steve didn’t understand why she was asking him about it. I mean, if somebody asked him who hated him the most, he would have definitely answered with your name.

(Y/N) sat straighter, and put the bag of peas down with fingers that were beginning to grow numb from the cold.

“Oh,” She replied, not knowing what to say. “I- I’m sorry that she broke up with you, and wow, in a party, that- that’s fucked up.” She almost facepalmed herself at how stupid that sounded.

Steve looked at her. “Are you for real, (Y/L/N)?” He smirked at her attempt of comforting him.

“God, I’m sorry,” She laughed, embarrased. “I never know what to say in these type of situations and-”

“It’s okay, (Y/N), really. You not knowing how to comfort me, well, that’s the least of my problems tonight.” He laughed softly and she joined him.

“Well, it looks like we both experienced physical pain tonight.” (Y/N) said between laughs, throwing her head back to look at the ceiling again.

Steve furrowed his eyebrows, and gazed at her amused.

“What do you mean?” He asked confused.

“I actually read somewhere that being broken hearted activates brain regions usually associated with processing physical pain. In other words, a broken heart really does hurt.” She commented recalling the information she once read. “Like when you hit me with a door right in the face, but I think that was karma actually, from that time I punched you on the nose last year.” She giggled, now looking at Steve who was recalling that time while laughing.

“Ouch, I remember that. It hurted for weeks after! But the difference is that I actually deserved that punch, for being a big haired douche” Steve said while clutching the bridge of his nose laughing, faking pain. (Y/N) started laughing harder, feeling tears prickling her eyes.

“Yeah, you were a dick, Harrington.” She said almost out of breath, drying her tears. Regaining composture once again, she rubbed her sore neck and then her forehead.

“Does it still hurt?” Steve asked, looking at her, concerned.

“Just a little bit.” (Y/N) said genuinely while she rubbed her face tiredly. She runned her fingers through her hair, and sighed dramatically dropping both of her hands in her shoulders. After a few seconds of silence where (Y/N) thought about what to say next, she looked at him softly “Does it still hurt?”

His breath hitched at the question, knowing exactly what she meant. He stared at her for a while.

Starting from her lips, which were almost parted, and looked so soft, and God, how did he never notice how soft her lips looked? He then moved his gaze to her cheeks, noticing the many small freckles that adorned them; then her eyes, wide open, that were looking at him so concernedly, and- and for the first time while looking at them he felt like a ton of bricks just stricked him right on the face, hard.

Steve smiled softly at her, and finally lowered his gaze to stare at his hands, “No, not that much now”

Hawkins, Indiana, 1984.

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. where were you 2 hours ago? Right here doing surveys. 2. what do you think of your last kiss? I enjoyed it. 3. do you kiss a lot of people? No. I’ve only kissed 3 people. I’m not someone who kisses people on the cheek as a greeting or anything. 

4. are you wearing socks right now? Yep. Always. 5. when was the last time you went out of state? 7 years ago.

6. have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? No. I last went at the end of February or early March before shit hit the fan and everything closed. Movie theaters haven’t been open since then. I’ve heard some may start opening up again soon, but I won’t be going. 7. what was the last thing you had to drink? Water. 8. who was the last person to hear you cry? My mom. 9. who was the last person to make you smile? It was my doggo. 10. what was the last food you ate? Ramen. 12. have you bought any clothing items in the last week? No. 13. do you have a pet? Yep, my doggo. <3 14. what did you do last night? What I do every night: Ate ramen, scrolled through Tumblr, watched YouTube videos, did surveys, and listened to ASMR.  16. if you could be anywhere you want where would it be? I’d be at a beach house chillin on the patio overlooking the ocean while drinking coffee. 17. what is the last thing you purchased online? A book. 18. one thing you hate about yourself? I hate a lot of things about myself.  19. what does the 10th text in your inbox say? Depends on which person’s thread you want me to read it from. <<< 20. do you miss anyone? Loved ones who have passed away. And Ty. 21. last movie you saw? It’s Complicated last week. 22. what are your plans for the day? Well, it’s almost 730AM and I’ll barely be going to bed. :X I’ll likely sleep until about 3PM, take my medicine, check social media, clear notifications, check my email, and then finally drag myself outta bed to make coffee. I’ll have that and some coffee cake (Hostess actually makes really delicious coffee cakes, I’m obsessed) while probably watching any new videos of people I’m subscribed to. Then I’ll play Animal Crossing for awhile and just hang out with my mom for most of the day. We started a new show yesterday on AppleTV, so we’ll probably watch that. Then later on I’ll do my normal nighttime stuff that I’ve listed already. Eating is also included in there somewhere. 23. did you have fun today? It’s only 7:27AM. I haven’t even slept, yet, so my day really hasn’t started. 24. who is your last text message from? My dad. 25. were you an honor roll student in school? Yep. 26. what do you know about the future? I don’t know anything. 27. who was the last person you rode in a car with? My brother last month when he took me to my doctor appointment. 29. do you have a tan? No. I haven’t spent any time outside. I normally would be making a few beach trips during the summer and would get a little tan, but that won’t happen this year. 30. how old do you want to be when you have kids? I don’t want to have any kids. 31. did you meet anyone new today? I won’t be going anywhere, so I don’t see that happening. 32. do you have any tattoos or piercings? I just have my earlobes pierced. 33. how do you like your soda? Just outta the can or bottle is fine with me. I don’t like ice in my drinks. I don’t even need it to be cold to be honest. If it’s been in the fridge, I’d let it sit out for like an hour first. 34. who was the last person to make you cry? Blah. 35. what are you doing tomorrow? Same stuff as always. Have you not picked up on the fact my life is very routine yet? It’s like Groundhog’s Day. 36. what day is tomorrow? Sunday. 37. what is your current mood? I’m tired and feel a little nauseous. My medicine usually does that if I take it on an empty stomach. I took it about an hour ago and I should have just gone to bed. :/ I should have just gone to bed anyway it’s almost 8 in the morning now. D: 38. do you like someone? Not in the romantic sense. 39. are you dating someone? No. 40. why? I’m a mess and can’t handle a relationship right now. There’s not even anyone I’m interested in or even talking to. Or anyone who’s interested in me. There’s no guy at all in my life right now.

[redrebecca]

Pamper Party

Shawn wants to know what he’s missing out on after you and your best friend have a little pamper party.

Warning(s): I think there’s 1 swear word

A/N: I wrote this during a caffeine rush incase you were wondering. Feedback is always appreciated, have a good day!  

Words: 2.6k

*

“Anddd done!” You exclaimed as you typed the final sentence of your essay. Shawn, who sat opposite you on the floor, made grabby hands toward your laptop. It was a tradition - you write and he proof reads. Motioning for him to wait for a second, you click the ‘save’ button several times. There was no way you were going to lose 5 days worth of work because your laptop crashed. After ensuring it had saved you placed your laptop into Shawn’s outstretched hands. He spun it around so he could see the screen and reached over to where you were sat tidying up your notebooks to pull your reading glasses off your face. You watched him with an eyebrow raised as he tucked the arms of the glasses behind his ears and then lowered the front of them so they sat comfortably on the bridge of his nose.

When he noticed you were staring at him, he stuck his tongue out. You chuckled at his childlike behaviour, which was frequent despite the fact that he was a ‘fully grown man’ (His words, not yours). You both stayed in comfortable silence, the only noise coming from Shawn occasionally adding punctuation or removing a word that didn’t quite make sense, whilst you leant back to rest your back on the sofa behind you, a large sigh of relief leaving you.

You weren’t sure how long it had been before a loud knock on the front door interrupted the silence. The sound so jarring that you and Shawn jumped at it.

“You didn’t order anything did you?” You asked, trying to figure out who was at your door. He shook his head.

“Not at,” He checked the time on the laptop, “11 at night.” You slowly stood up and walked towards the door Shawn closely following behind you. You felt his hand on your waist as you stood on your toes to look through the peephole.

When you saw who was waiting on the other side of the door you let out a sigh of relief, but then when you took a closer look you breathed out “Holy shit.”

Not even sparing Shawn a glance or an explanation, you flung the door open and when your best friend collapsed into your arms you sunk to the floor with her.

“Amber, what’s happened?” You asked when you felt her tears soak your jumper, you continued to rub calming circles on her back. You felt Shawn crouch down next to your side, just as confused and concerned as you at the emotional wreck of your friend.

“Amber.” You said, sterner this time, worry and desperation taking over you. You had never seen her like this in the 8 years you had known her and you were scared, really scared.

“He, He b-b.” She spluttered, still sobbing uncontrollably into your shoulder. You knew better to interrupt her, knowing she needed to get this out herself. You silently thanked Shawn for realising that too.

“He broke up with me.” She finally managed to say. At this you froze entirely. You didn’t know what you were expecting but this wasn’t it, because Amber and Daniel were engaged, had been for about 2 years, and they’d been dating for 3 years before that. They had even set you and Shawn up.

Shawn noticed your paralysing shock, he felt it too. Standing up slightly he uttered “Let’s get you two inside.” You had completely forgotten that you were slouched next to the open door. Shawn eventually managed to unwrap Amber’s arms from around you and slowly ease her to her unsteady feet, guiding her to the couch. When she wobbled for the 10th time Shawn’s patience ran out, the thought of you sat in the chilly night air made him carefully pick Amber up and walk over to the couch, before gently placing her on the couch, picking up a throw blanket you had been using earlier and draping it over her shivering, sobbing form. Patting her shoulder comfortingly as she brought her knees up to her chest.

He rushed back to the door, only to see you had closed it and were now sitting with your back pressed to it. You had also tucked your knees up to your chest and were sitting there with tears streaming down your face.

“Hey, hey come on honey.” He cupped your cheek. You let out a whimper and leant into his palm, clutching at his hand with yours. He leant forward and pressed his forehead onto yours “We need to stay strong for Amber ok darling? Can you do that?” You gave a slight nod, the pads of Shawn’s thumbs wiping away the tears on your cheeks. You offered him a weak smile before he grabbed your hands and hauled you up, giving you a kiss on each of your damp cheeks for good measure. You hugged him before walking back to where Amber was sniffling. You joined her on the couch, her immediately latching onto you. You and Amber both stayed quiet, content in each other’s presence.

After a few minutes Shawn entered the room with a tub of ice cream and two spoons for you and Amber. You sent him a grateful smile, to which he blew a kiss in return. After Amber had explained what had happened and she had gone through a full tub of ice cream and several boxes of tissues, you pulled back slightly as you got an idea.

“Hey Amber, do you remember in high school, our routine whenever our ‘boyfriends’ dumped us?” She nodded slowly, hesitation clear on her face, not sure where you were going with this.

“Yeah, we would have a pamper party.” She said, still unsure, but a small chuckle escaped her nevertheless.

“How about a pamper party, for old times sake?” You offered, already starting to unwrap her arms for around you. To your delight, she nodded, “For old times sake.” She smiled, following you to the bathroom.

*

It had been 4 days since Amber had travelled back to her home country to spend a month or two with her parents. You had been upset that she would be leaving, but Shawn had made you realize how much she needed some time out - away from all of the stress and heartbreak.

You were sat on the couch, curled up in a blanket and dressed in the fluffiest pyjamas you could find, whilst Shawn acted as a human hot water bottle, his legs on either side of you and his arms wrapped around your torso as you watched a random TV show.

“Babe.” He murmured, squeezing you a bit tighter between his arms to get your attention.

“Hmm?” You replied leaning your head back against his shoulder so you could get a better look at his facial features, the ones that took your breath away despite the amount of time the two of you had been together.

“I was wondering if you could, erm.” He stopped, his eyes looking anywhere but at yours.

“Wondering if I could what?” You pushed, curious as to what his request would be.

He glanced at you, his eyes searching your face, almost to try and guess what your reaction would be. You jokingly sighed and glanced at your wrist as if to check the time, which made him chuckle slightly, the vibrations from his chest transferring onto your back. He still hadn’t answered.

“Come on Mendes, spit it out.” He cleared his throat.

“Could you do that thing to me that you did with Amber?” He said, once again avoiding your eyes. Confused, you tried to think back to what you had done. “Hug you? Babe, you know if you want a hug you can jus-“

“No I don’t want a hug.” He cut you off. “Wait I don’t mean it like that, I love your hugs.” He quickly corrected himself at your taken aback expression, giving you a hug to prove his point.

“I meant a pamper party.” He muttered quietly, so quietly that you didn’t quite hear most of it.

“Bit louder for me bub.” You prompted, eager to hear his request.

“I meant a pamper party.” He said, a little louder this time. You pulled back slightly, or as much as you could in his strong arms, to see whether he was joking or not, but his face was serious.

“I knew I shouldn’t have asked, just forg-“You clamped your hand over his mouth to stop his insecure ramblings.

“Of course we can have a pamper party.” His eyes widened and his eyebrows raised, you could feel a smile form from underneath your hand.

“Really?” Came his surprised, muffled voice from beneath your palm.

“Really, now stay here I’ll go get the stuff.” You said before rushing off the couch, easily escaping Shawn’s now loose grip.

When you returned you found Shawn only wearing his sweatpants, your eyes raked up and down his torso. You were in awe of this man and even more in awe of the fact that you could call him yours. When he felt your blatant stare he chuckled.

“Close your mouth honey, you’ll catch flies.” He replied, a cocky smirk spreading across his face. You walked up to him and gently punched his arm. His hazel eyes shone with love and admiration as you turned around and jumped onto the couch, grabbing a cushion and placing it in between your legs. After you had adjusted your position, you patted the cushion, indicating to Shawn to come over. He walked over and lay down on the couch without being asked twice. He shuffled up so his head was positioned in your lap, pulling a funny face when his eyes met yours, making you throw your head back in laughter, loving the fact that he could be sexy and silly in the space of two minutes. You leant forward slightly to grab the tweezers from the coffee table.

“Hmm I like this view.” Sighed Shawn. It took you a second to figure out what he was talking about, but as soon as you noticed that your boobs were directly above his face you blushed a dark shade of red. You slapped his arm when he started laughing. He reached both hands up and placed them on your flushed cheeks.

“Babe you’ve gone red.” He said between bursts of laughter.

“Shut up” you mumbled, prying his large hands away from your warm cheeks, which only caused him to laugh more. Losing your patience, you brought the tweezers to his face.

“Woah, woah, woah.” He rushed out, his tattooed hand stopping yours before you could get any closer to his face. “What are you doing?”

“Your eyebrows. These are tweezers.” You managed to retrieve your wrist from out of his grasp to show him the metal object in your hand.

“Does it hurt?” He muttered with hints of worry in his voice. You couldn’t help but scoff at this.

“Shawn for the love of God, you’ve got tattoos, this shouldn’t hurt at all compared to that.” He nodded as if to reassure himself, hesitantly closing his eyes.

You spotted your first stray hair and pulled the skin around it tight with your fingers, you grabbed it with the tweezers. When you pulled it out there was a loud yelp and before you could react, your hand was knocked out the way by a much larger one as it moved to cover where you had previously been. He abruptly sat up, his hand still rubbing where you had plucked a hair from. He turned towards you.

“You lied.” He whined.

“I didn’t, you’re just a big baby, now come on, get back here.” You said whilst patting the cushion where his head had been previously.

“Nah- uh.” Shawn shook his head. “No way am I letting you do that again.” He gestured to the tweezers in your hand.

“You will.” You said and reached for his shoulder so you could pull him so he would end up on his back. But instead of cooperating he swiftly grabbed the tweezers and threw them into your toiletry bag that you had brought down earlier.

“No I won’t.” He said stubbornly. In response to your marginally annoyed expression he kissed your nose.

“What’s next?” He asked curiously, making a mental note that he would never let anyone go near his eyebrows with a pair of tweezers again. He inspected the contents of the bag, looking at the various different bottles and tubes that your toiletry bag consisted of.

“Waxing.” You said seriously. Breaking out into laughter when his head instantly whipped towards you, so fast that you were surprised he didn’t get whiplash.

“I’m joking, do you want a face massage?” He stared at you, not entirely sure whether you were going to suddenly plaster waxing strips all over him or not.

“Pass me that blue bottle of moisturiser and I can get started.” You prompted, sighing when he continued to stare.

“Or I can get my waxing strips from upstairs, you don’t want that chest hair, do you?” You swore you had never seen him move so fast. In less than a second your bottle of moisturiser was in your hand and his head was placed on the cushion in your lap. You giggled, squeezing a generous amount of lotion onto your palm. Shawn still regarded you with unsure eyes, keeping his hands close to his exposed chest just in case you weren’t joking about the waxing thing.

When you started to rub the cream onto his skin he flinched slightly, you immediately stopped.

“S’fine keep going, it’s just cold.” You nodded in response despite him not being able to see you with his eyes closed and you continued to massage his face. He hummed as you put gentle pressure onto certain parts of his face, his body visibly relaxing. You moved your hands to work their magic on his neck, an area where he always had tension. He let out a moan as you massaged out a knot at the junction where his neck and collarbone meet. 

After you were positive all of the lotion was off your hands, you finally moved your fingers to his curls. This received the loudest moan of pleasure he had given throughout his massage. He had always been open with how much he loved the feeling of your hands in his hair. You continued to rake your fingers through his soft hair, loving the feeling of his brown waves running between our fingers. After 5 minutes you stopped, your hands beginning to get sore.

“Shawn” you whispered, not entirely sure if he was still awake. He groaned, moving his hands to find yours. When they eventually did find them, he placed them back in his hair, moving his hands back down to his sides.

“Shawn, my hands are getting tired” At this his hands travelled back up to where yours were resting and began to move them through his hair, trying to get you to move them independently. However after a minute he gave up, huffing and crossing his arms over his chest.

You leant down and gave his lips a peck “What would you say to a joint bubble bath?” you asked, knowing his answer without asking. He stood up from the couch and threw you over his shoulder, pinching your sides and slapping your ass playfully before he began to make his way towards the bathroom. Your giggles bouncing off the walls of your apartment.

[username-echo-is-taken]

Roadtrip~CNCO Headcanon

OMG GUYS THERES 300 OF YOU FOLLOWING ME LIKE WTF IM SHOOK!!!! In celebration of that I decided to finally finish a request I received MONTHSSS ago! But I hope you guys enjoy! I LOVE YOU ALL 🥰❤️

Requested: “headcanon about the guys going on a long drive with them being the driver” by @cedanana 3 MONTHS AGO ASLKGSHFL I’M SOOOO SORRY!!! I started working on this forever ago and welp here we are now, and it’s not even good 🙃and it’s not even what you really asked for sorry bby 😔

Warnings: horrible writing skills LMAO

Author’s Note: this is wayyyyy too long to post as one so I’m posting one half today and the other half tomorrow when I finish it! So sorry for the inconvenience!

Zabdiel: Sightseeing as much of Puerto Rico!-several hours and stops

It’s your first time visiting Puerto Rico and Zabdi is sooo excited for his amor to explore his island with him

Neither of you slept much because y’all stayed up late going over your route plan for the 10th time

He wakes up earlier than you to make breakfast

Brings it to you in bed like the gentleman he is...but you’re two bites in when he starts rushing you out of pure excitement lol

You ask him to pick out your outfit bc 1.) he knows the weather and activities so he can dress you appropriately and 2.) you want him to enjoy EVERY little thing about your trip...he thinks this trip is about you but to you it’s all about him, seeing him so happy and excited makes your heart melt UWU BITCH 😭

Your first stop is to get snacks obvio

He takes you to all the cool spots close to his house to get them out of the way *insert small photo shoot*

The next destination is about an hour away so cue the carpool karaoke!!

Of course he’s singing like an angel on Earth and well let’s just say you were not that impressive YIKES

You got videos of both but only the ones of him are posted so you can keep some of your dignity lol

Zabdi being Zabdi, he randomly pulls over to the side of the road, jumps out of the car, picks a pretty flower, and gives it to you, “una belleza pa’ mi bellisima novia”

YOU LOVE THIS MAN™️

Little do you know that he has been taking secret pictures and videos of you to add to the album on his phone so whenever he has to go away on tour he can always have a piece of his amor

By the end of the trip you are completely IN LOVE with the island, appreciating all of its beauty with the love of your life

When you get back, after you’ve had a shower and are in bed you get a notification that Zabdiel De Jesus has uploaded a picture….you look over at him and he has a tiny smirk on his face and he lets out a giggle bc he uploaded the LEAST flattering picture of you from when you caught him taking a picture so you made an ugly face at him

Butttt don’t worry he also posted nice ones bc he’s nice like that

Joel: Disneyland!-Hesperia to Disneyland-under 2 hours depending on traffic

It’s Christmas time and it’s your first year spending it with Joel and his family (ok but who wouldn’t want to spend it with them?! It looks so fun!)

They all find out you’ve never been to Disney and it’s like a bullet to the chest to them LMAO

Soooo Joey has taken it upon himself to take your Disney virginity lol

He likes to be very organized so of course he made a list of which rides y’all are gonna go on and in what order

He makes sure you’re all asleep at a good time bc he knows how you get if you don’t get enough sleep lol

You two wake up a little earlier to help his mom make sandwiches and snacks for the journey

Since there are so many of y’all going you have to take two cars, his mom driving one and him driving the other

He asks everyone for songs to add to the playlist he created and y’all jam tf out

The music is so loud his mom has his little brother call you and tell y’all to TURN THAT SHIT DOWN cause they can hear it from their car OOPS

When you make it there, barely alive bc Joelito decided to get distracted by some freakin birds...yea...birds... you’re a little worried if his plan will work because it’s PACKED, I mean c’mon what did he expect around Christmas

He knows it too and he has a sad little pout on his cute face making you sad too because who wants to see this baby sad???

He just wants this to be the best first experience

What he doesn’t realize is that you could literally just sit in silence with him and you would be over the moon

You spend the day, holding hands, walking around, riding the rides, just having an amazing time

You’re having sooo much fun you don’t even think about getting some pictures together but don’t worry his brothers and cousins have it handled lmao

Your favorite is a video of you and Joel dancing when he twirls you around and pulls you back into his chest for a hug, and you definitely feel like a princess

During the drive back home, everyone in the back seats are asleep and you whisper to Joel how much fun you had and how much you love and appreciate him for everything

Homeboy wants to cry deadass lol

He holds your hand while he drives and every so often he brings it up to his mouth so he can give it a kiss

When you get home he makes you a hot chocolate and you stay up for a while just talking and enjoying each other’s company before snuggling up to go to sleep

Richard: Universal Resort!-Miami to Orlando-3 ½ hours

This papi wants to take his 2 girls out for a fun weekend, and where can you have fun all day without getting tired..? UNIVERSAL!! (not that I would actually know bc i’ve never actually been LMAO)

The 3 of you are beyond excited, although you might be a bit more excited than Aaliyah, but shhh no one has to know

The night before, you sit in Aaliyah’s room, asking her about certain outfits before putting them in her little ‘going-away-bag’, before tucking her into bed, not noticing that Richard has been watching with a smile on his face, until you hear him walking towards his baby girl to kiss her goodnight OOF

Soft Papi Richard makes you swoon™️

You guys then move to your room to pack your stuff

We all know he would take longer to pack his stuff because “this shirt matches these pants, but so does this one...i’ll take both...but what shoes tho?”

Since you’ve been so excited you already mentally planned your outfits lol and maybeee,just maybe, you bought 2 new swimsuits that you know he would drool over

You’re already in bed by the time Rich is finally done, you’re halfway asleep when he gets into bed so he just kisses your forehead and plays with your hair

In the morning, you get up a few minutes earlier than planned so you can make a few sandwiches and a few other snacks, but you already know they’re gonna be gone within the first hour so a pitstop for food is a must lol

CNCO is playing the entire ride because Aaliyah wants to hear Papa sing, but who are you kidding, you want to hear your angel sing too

When you finally get to Universal you quickly get to your room and leave just as fast as you got there lol

Y’all spend the entire first day going on rides and just walking around admiring all the beautiful things

You and Richard are both half asleep on the way back to the room, and Aaliyah is asleep in his arms

The next morning (almost lunch because y’all wore yourselves out lmao) you have brunch in bed and watch a movie for a while before getting ready to go to the pool!

Let’s just say that your man’s jaw drops real quick, and he most def can’t keep his hands off of you

You spend a few hours at the pool, enjoying the water and the sun before heading back to the room to take a nap before dinner

Y’all were going to a somewhat fancier restaurant so you spent a bit more time doing your hair and makeup before putting on a beautiful dress

You then get Aaliyah into her dress and you do her hair all cute and shit while Richard is finishing getting ready

After dinner comes desert obviously so back to the park you go to find some ice cream!

You quickly but thoroughly enjoy it before heading back to the room to change into comfy clothes for the drive back home

[peachymarkeu]

𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰: NCT 127 x OC

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮: Fluff, Angst & Suggestive

𝓢𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂: What is it like being an 18 year old girl that had just moved into her new apartment and then suddenly meeting the people she would consider to be her brothers while being away from her parents?

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 5: 𝓨𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 18!?

Taeil Oppa and I were headed down to their unit. While riding the elevator to the 10th floor we were wrapped in silence. It wasn’t awkward as I thought it would be knowing that I broke down in front of him earlier. I felt quite comfortable until reality hit me hard and made me realize that I was actually going to enter NCT’s dorm again. So many things were going inside my head as seconds went by

‘Do I look like a mess?’

‘What if I disturb them?’

‘What if they find it annoying seeing me in their unit again?’

‘What if this was a bad idea?’

‘Why did I agree to this?’ 

‘Actually, why is Taeil Oppa so convincing?’.

I was slightly panicking inside my head that I didn’t notice that Taeil Oppa noticed this.

“Are you alright?” he asked me while looking at my worried face.

“Um... Yeah, just a little nervous. Hehe…” I said to him.

“Aye, no need to worry the guys are cool. You’ve met them before they aren’t that bad.

The elevator voice announced the floor and the doors opened. I was walking right beside Taeil Oppa until we reached the front of their unit. From outside, I could hear a guitar playing, people laughing and another singing Because I Love You by Yoo Jae Ha. Taeil Oppa punched in the passcode and opened the door. I was now able to distinguish who were the ones making the certain noises. Mark Oppa was the one playing the guitar, Jungwoo Oppa was the one singing and  Yuta Oppa and Jaehyun Oppa were laughing at a video they were watching on their phone.

“Yah, guys! We have a visitor.” Taeil Oppa shouted which made everyone turn their heads towards the entrance door. 

“A-annyeong.” I said to them while waving my right hand.

“Oh, Yuna-yah. What are you doing with Taeil Hyung? Where did you guys go?” Jaehyun Oppa asked.

“Yuna was upstairs in the building's veranda. We had a short talk then I invited her over for some ramen because it was getting quite chilly.” Taeil Oppa said while taking off his shoes and putting on some slippers.

“Yuna-yah put your shoes inside one of the cubbies and here are your slippers.” he said to me.

I did what he told me to do and out my shoes inside of the cubbies. I wasn’t surprised that there was only one cubby left vacant. I then put on the gray indoor slippers that were quite comfortable and warm. Taeil Oppa then led me further inside their apartment and into their dining area where Mark Oppa was playing guitar. He pulled out a chair for me and told me to sit and wait while he makes ramen.

“Yah, Hyung makes some ramen for us too please. We’re hungry as well.” Jungwoo Oppa said in a very whiny voice which made me smile. 

“Arraseo, arraseo, I’ll make for everyone.” Taeil Oppa said while getting ramen from their kitchen cabinets.

While waiting for Taeil Oppa to finish making the ramen I was admiring how good Mark Oppa was playing the guitar. I always wanted to play the guitar but while trying to learn through Youtube I gave up really quickly because of how it hurt to play chords. I didn’t realize that I was staring until Mark Oppa caught my attention.

“Yuna-yah, do you know how to play the guitar?” he asked me.

“A-aniyo. I tried before but gave up quickly hehe.” I told him.

“Ah, sorry is it ok if I ask you how old you are? I’ve been addressing you informally and never thought that you might actually be older than me.” he said while scratching the back of his neck.

“Ah, I’m 18 years old.” I told them.

“Eh you’re 18?!” All of the boys said at the same time.

“Nae” I said while giggling softly because of their reaction.

“And you’re living all alone?” Jaehyun Oppa asked me.

“Nae” I said again

“Wah, then you’re our dongsaeng.” Taeil Oppa said and I smiled at him.

“Ah, can I ask something?” I asked them in a very careful manner knowing that we still aren’t that close.

“Shoot it.” said Jungwoo Oppa.

“Um, would it be ok if I address you all as Oppa knowing that you’re all older than me?” I asked them again.

“Mhm, no problem with that.” Jaehyun Oppa Said while smiling.

“Aye Mark isn’t the only one who will be calling me Oppa anymore.” Yuta Oppa said which made Mark hit him playfully.

“Yah, yah move the ramen is ready.” Taeil Oppa shouted while holding the hot pot full of ramen. 

He placed the pot in the middle of the dining table. I saw Mark Oppa grabbing utensils from the kitchen drawer so I decided to go and help him. 

“Oppa let me help you.” I told him.

“Oh, gomawo Yuna-yah” he said while giving me the bowls.

I went back to the table and placed the bowls in front of each vacant chair. Mark Oppa followed by putting down the chopsticks and spoons beside the bowls. Yuta Oppa helped put ramen in each of the bowls. 

“Ah, I’ll get the kimchi.” Jungwoo Oppa said and ran towards the refrigerator.

I saw him take out the kimchi container that I gave to them before. Their container was half full so I knew that they were eating the kimchi. Jungwoo Oppa then opened the container which covered the room with the smell of my kimchi. He even took a small sniff of my kimchi. 

“Ahh Yuna-yah thanks for the kimchi. We’re really enjoying it.” Yuta Oppa said to me with a smile.

“You’re welcome Oppa. I’m glad you liked it.” I said to him back while smiling.

“Uwa, I can’t believe I’m being called an Oppa right now.” Mark Oppa said.

“Yeah I can see, your ears are turning red.” Jaehyun Oppa said which made us all laugh while Mark was trying to cover his ears.

“Yah, it’s because of the cold weather.” Mark Oppa argued while rubbing his ears to probably make his ears less red.

“Ok everyone sit down so we can start eating.” Taeil Oppa said while taking the seat right at the end of the table.

I sat on my seat again and Jaehyun Oppa sat beside me while Jungwoo Oppa sat in front of me. Mark Oppa sat beside Jungwoo Oppa and Yuta Oppa sat at the other end of the table. 

“Jal Meoggessseubnida!” we all said at the same time and started to eat our ramen.

A few minutes passed and all I could hear was slurping and chewing. I saw them get kimchi and enjoy them very much. 

“Wah, Yuna your kimchi is really good. How did you learn how to make it?” Mark Oppa said while getting more kimchi from the container.

“Ah, I used to help my Eomma in the kitchen a lot when I was younger so I kind of got the skills from her.” I said then took a sip of the ramen broth.

“Taeil Oppa the ramen is really good.” I complemented. This is actually one of the best ramen I ever tasted.

“Of course he is our one and only Chef Moon. Hyung show Yuna your intro.” Jungwoo Oppa said.

“Master Moon. You know what I’m sayin.” he said while making hand gestures. I clapped at his little intro.

We continued to eat until we all finished our ramen. We we’re all so full but Jungwoo Oppa decided to get the ice cream that they had in store. Before he could bring it to the table he dropped it which made Mark Oppa and I laugh very hard.

“Hyung you dropped the ice cream again.” Mark Oppa said between his laughs.

“Um mian Yuna-yah you’ll be tasting a bit of our floor in the ice cream.” Jungwoo Oppa said which made me laugh again.

“Aniya gwenchana Oppa, it's still ice cream. Plus it didn’t reach 5 seconds.” I said while catching my breath.

We proceeded to eat the ice cream that fell on the floor. We even had a few conversations and a few laughs here and there. Then Jaehyun Oppa asked a very important question.

“Ah, Yuna, do you know NCT?” he asked while taking a bite of his ice cream.

‘Shit what do I say?’ I thought in my head.

‘Should I lie to them or tell them the truth?’

If I lie to them, I would have a very hard time since I indeed am a fan of them. If I tell them the truth they might not speak to me again being the professionals that they are. But I don’t want to cut ties with them already. We were just warming up with each other.

‘Ottoke what should I do’ I thought, slightly sweating.

“Um…”

[aka-indulgence]

Nightly Drink

Got insomnia, and a headache, again.

Desc: Reader couldn't sleep and goes out to get a drink while UF!Sans is asleep...

(yes I love UF!Sans skdbnd)

"Ugh... Fuck," you growled, putting down the phonw you've looked at for the 10th time tonight. It's way past midnight now and you just wanted to sleep... But nooo, your head decided it was time to think a bucnh of stressful things and gave yourself a headache.

Well this is pleasant. You groaned in your mind as you looked at Sans, already sleeping and huddled close to you, his arms folded in a cute way next to your shoulder- like a baby. You gave him a little kiss on the side of his skull and he stired a little- making you smile before you stood up from your bed to walk out to the living room.

You hate it when this happens. As if the bout of insomnia wasn't enough- you decided to give yourself a headache as well?

You turned on the lights, wincing a bit as your eyes got used to the relatively soft yellow light of the kitchen, seeming quiet and still dim compared to the dark living room. You grabbed a sachet of cocoa powder and grabbed a mug, pouring the contents in becore simply bringing it under the tap to fill it up, it not needing hot water to mix. You grabbed a spoon and stired it before taking a slow sip of the drink you made.

... You wished it was hot coco... But you're too lazy to heat up water for a few minutes, you wanted to go to sleep... And secondly, the kitchen wasn't cold, it still being in the transition period from summer to fall, so it was better cold. Though... It wasn't really cold... Maybe you shoud add some ic-

"baby?" you heard from the bedroom behind you.

"... Sans..?" you said in a quiet voice, knowing he won't hear you, just talking to yourself.

"agh fuck- babydoll, sweetheart- w- where are you?"

Oh shit.

"Sans!" you called to him from the kitchen- and immediately Sans was beside you, a few drops of red sweat rolling down his skull.

"Sans... You ok...?" you gently held his sleeve- and he immediately wrapped himself around you, leaning into you.

He breathed for a little while. "mmf- yeah. yeah i'm good. don't worry 'bout me..." He nuzzled into your crown, making you lose grip a little on your mug.

"Did you have a nightmare...?" Sans had nightmare sometimes... Sometimes his skull going back to when he was in the Underground, before he met you.

"no." he quickly replied, "didn't feel ya body heat with me sweetheart. got drawn awake by the cold bedside ya left me." he said hurriedly, squeezing you a little.

It was... Rare that Sans was just openly talking to you like this- not that he would hide things from you anymore- that was sorted out ages ago. It's just- he didn't really just come to you and quickly jumping into it like that. Did you really scare him thaf much?

"Oh, sorry..."" you stifled back a giggle that must be out of place if you let lose- just from your little quirks when Sans was just being ao affectionate all of a sudden. "Didn't mean to scare you... I just went out to get a drink, Sans."

Sans lifted his skull from your head, his red lights trailing from you to the drink, still unfinished.

"can ya uh, heheh, can ya wake me up next time?" he paused for a bit, his eyelights seeming to take in your face. "... when ya want ta leave the bed, i mean."

"But Sans... I don't want to bother you." you answered honestly. Sans snuggled his face into your neck and took in a breath.

"it's better than t' wake up without ya by my side darlin'..." He sniffed again. "'sides, it don't bother me none if it's for you, dollface."

A tired amile came up ypur face and you cupped his cheekbone, giving him a peck. "Ok, if you say so Sans... You know I'm not going away, right? I'll always be with you."

"yeah, i know but-" he looked away, his sweat still building up on him, "doll, i gst these dreams where ya... just... disappear. from the very same bed we sleep on. jus'... it's dark and cold and all of a sudden yer just gone like that- that was just way too closd to reality earlier..." he tightened his grip on you.

"Oh Sans..." your heart bled for him as you put down your cup on the kitchen counter, wrapping your hands around his skull, his back hunched over so he could be clossr to you. "You know I'm not leaving..." you gave him another kiss between his eyesockets. "I love you ok? You're gonna be ok."

Sans eyelights went soft at that, where he gave you a tiny peck on the lips, his red lights just radiating love and affection to you. "ok doll."

He lulled a chair from the counter, sitting on it and pulling you to his lap, a hand circled around your waist.

"now finish yer drink so i can go back ta cuddling you in bed." he mumbled as he nuzzled into the sidd of your arm, already feeling drowsy again.