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goldenkamuyhunting · 3 years

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Quick outline of the changes in Golden Kamuy Vol 24

Here is a general outline of the more relevant changes that take place in Vol 24 compared to the magazine. Note that as usual I won’t dig into minor changes or redraws unless they seem to be relevant for the plot or characterization (or I really like them).

So now let’s start.

WARNING: I hadn’t had the chance to check dialogues yet. I’ll probably do it during Christmas holidays. If there are changes in them that are relevant I’ll update this post as soon as I can.

We spend a moment on the cover, which, like the previous, shows us a character who has never appeared on a cover before and who’s also one of my fave, our charming Roger... I mean Kikuta Mokutarou.

It’s an action scene in which he’s making good use of his beloved Nagant while wearing Toni’s scarf... and he’s not alone on this cover.

Ariko is also with him, ready to fire at his opponent. The background is Sapporo as we can recognize the building as appearing in chap 232 when the characters are in Sapporo.

Really, I love this cover and I was hoping so bad to have a Kikuta cover...

Anyway this is our updated list of covers.

Noda please, give us a Boutarou cover as well!

We then move to the colour page.

It’s the image with Tsukishima and Koito that was used as a cover for chap 251. It’s a fitting image considering this volume starts with the chapter in which the cooperation between Tsukishima and Koito began.

A colour cover that was in the chapters included in this volume and that instead isn’t shown is the one of chap 234.

Maybe Noda will use it later.

No summaries for this volume. Pity.

This volume counts 9 chapters only and changes are pretty tame but, as usual there are additions of extra pages and panels to expand scenes that already were in the magazine version so we can better understand what’s going on and of scenes that are redrawn, either to improve their quality, correct mistakes or add to the plot.

Note I’m not going to add them all but only those which are plot relevant (or that I particularly like). Also no scanlations this time as the changes aren’t so characterization or plot relevant you’ll need to read a scanlation to get what’s going on. I’ll add a dialogue explanation though. Keep in mind I might be wrong.

Let’s start with chap 232.

We start with a new opening page for the chapter in which the box says we’re at Asirpa’s grandmother’s house near Otaru and we’re shown that Tanigaki is next to Inkarmat.

As many already know Noda has enlarged Tanigaki’s neck as he watched Osoma and changed a little his expression so, although I know Sensei pays a lot of attention in improving Tanigaki, I won’t show you that.

A line is added to Tsukishima’s dialogue. Now in addition to saying that it might be that Tsurumi doesn’t have a true goal he adds that it might be a lie that Tsurumi is acting for the sake of the dead comrades and for the prosperity of Japan.

Tsukishima’s memory of Tsurumi having finger bones now is enlarged and that shows clearly Tsurumi’s naked feet.

Naked feet had been used to foreshadow the death of a character so is this meant to hint at how Tsurumi too will die?

As everyone knows I’m partial for Ogata I’ll show him adjusting his bandages. I wonder, does he have the glass eye already and he’s trying to get adjusted to it?

Asirpa and Boutarou’ hair had been redrawn, which makes them better but it’s nothing big.

We move to chap 233.

After Ueji manages to disappear noda added more dialogue between Sugimoto, Shiraishi and Asirpa.

Sugimoto asks for confirmation that the boss they met was called Wakayama and Shiraishi asks Asirpa if she’s certain that guy said they would never be able to find the gold. Asirpa says that’s what it sounded like and Shiraishi asks what they will do now, wondering if they should go after the candy seller or continue to pursue the pirate. Sugimoto thinks he should have stripped the candy seller and Asirpa wonders if maybe she heard wrong.

Noda also expanded the scene with Boutarou and the old Ainu. Now Boutarou is no more heavily shaded at the start and his men are more active.

Pirate Boutarou’s main henchman (子分 ‘Kobun’) now has a name, Gontō Kōjirō (權堂公二郎は) and he’s better drawn.

The old Ainu says Boutarou won’t find the gold because his sons also went looking for it but it wasn’t anywhere.

Those are very good improvements, if you ask me.

Chap 234...

...continues the tradition of better drawing Boutarou’s hair (which are also often drawn longer than previously) and also gives him a better pose.

The postman also has a name now he is Nozawa Niheiji (野沢仁平治).

Shiraishi is definitely more worried when he meets Boutarou.

...but Boutarou looks even happier to meet him, while his reaction catches the captain’s attention.

The sailors are better drawn and there’s even a new small panel of a sailor trying to catch Sugimoto’s rifle.

Sugimoto gets an extra page in which he’s shown throwing the sailor off the boat...

...and then some more panels as he fights the other sailor as well.

Really Noda is so good at drawing fighting scenes...

He also expanded the scene of Boutarou talking to Shiraishi about Sugimoto.

...and redrew Gontou with the other henchmen, who’re shown wet because they too had previously ended up in the water.

Really, a lot of additions for this chapter and I love how Noda tried giving the henchmen some characterization now, despite them being merely plot devices.

We continue with chap 235.

I’ll say in the cover Noda better drew the water. It’s not terribly relevant though, so I’m not showing it, i just love the man for the care in this details.

Better image of best boy Shiraishi...

...but there are also a lot of images that are better drawn.

The order of the panels is switched a little as in the magazine the bandits would knock at the door, then we would see Shiraishi praying the boat would hurry then we’ll go back to Asirpa and the postman.

In the volume first we see Shiraishi and Sugimoto praying the boat would hurry then we go to the bandits knocking and then to Asirpa and the postman, with the scene mostly redrawn.

Noda actually put a lot of care in redrawing the postman who now to me look even more like Clint Eastwood.

The shooting fight also gets better drawn and so the boat crashing against it. But my fave redrawn is the one of Boutarou and Shiraishi cheering, which now shows a much more happier Shiraishi and a childishly cheering Boutarou. I love those two!

Noda then proceeds to show how Boutarou is very angry at the idea 3 of his men were shoot... which better explains why he took an anchor and attacked without regard for the people. Similarly to Sugimoto, when he’s furious he’s dangerous... and it’s possible he grew so angry because he was fond of those men.

We then see Boutarou take matters (and an anchor) in his hands...

Another redrawn is in the Boutarou/Sugimoto confrontation.

And with this to chap 236 we go.

Again, some scenes or expressions are drawn better here.

Plus we get some redrawing when Boutarou explains things.

We’ve a new panel of Sugimoto turning down Boutarou’s idea.

Then we get more interaction between Boutarou and Sugimoto as Sugimoto’s reveal of his past now involves more Shiraishi and Asirpa.

And we better dig into Boutarou’s connection with Sugi.

Sugimoto’s expression after he pet the cat is much more dramatic...

...his eyes losing their light.

Chap 237 continues expanding things.

We get a flashback in which Boutarou remembers the cigarette case was Heita’s.

The volume shows us the gold is a lot more than the one we see in the magazine version.

The scene about Botarou trying to kill Sugimoto and Shiraishi is expanded.

Boutarou seems genuinely shocked when Gontou is hit by the spinning wheel, stretching is hand as if he were wishing to bring him aid.

Differently from teh magazine he won’t be smiling when he tries to drwon Sugimoto...

...and the two will fight a lot more. Sugimoto tries to kick Boutarou a lot and Boutarou uses his long hair to tie Sugimoto’s foot and pull him down.

It’s beautiful and definitely worth buying the manga.

We are at Chap 238.

A small panel about Asirpa explaining Sugimoto about Heita.

We’ve then more interaction between Boutarou and Asirpa.

I find interesting how again we’re show Sugimoto saying hinna but not Asirpa.

And so we reach chap 239.

Jack/Ostrog’s face is still kept in the dark at first, but his clothes are much more visible. The battle between him and Usami is expanded and sorry, no, I’m not going to show it. Still Noda is more comfortable showing him, his face partially visible (and Kikuta too as his eyes were back in the magazine).

And it’s when Kikuta see him we’ve the big reveal and it makes A LOT MORE SENSE having it here than as late as it happened in the manga. And honestly that lateness feels it was due to Noda not having chosen yet how to characterize him.

We can also see that on his genitals there’s a birthmark... which explains why Kikuta comments on getting a look on his face and member, because now he can recognize him either by looking at his face or by looking at... something else.

So yeah, Ostrog/Jack stops being a dark silouette.

Noda let us hear his thoughts after he killed those two women.

We’ve a flashback from Kikuta, showing Jack/Ostrog’s face and how he had a birthmark in a... peculiar area, which is why Kikuta remarked it was relevant he saw it.

And now we move to the last chap of the volume chap 240.

Ostrog is now clearly visible where before he was just a dark shadow.

A new panel showing how Kirawus... well, he didn’t quite disguise himself, albeith he did something, he tried to sell fireworks.

Another new panel showing how Kadokura in his disguise, can’t pick up coins.

When Ishikawa explains about Jack the Ripper Noda added people walking in the image of the city he drew and also showed a nespaper talking of Jack. The writing on the newspaper explains how in Japan the case became a hot topic in 1888 and how in 1900 they started to call the killer ‘Kirisaki Jack' (切り裂きジャック “Jack the ripper”).

We’ve another image of Ostrog/Jack when Ishikawa talks about him.

And we finish with the last page which shows the faces of Ostrog and Ueji.

And that’s all.

Well, actually no. The one thanking the editor is... I’ll let you see for yourself.

And that’s all for this volume. While there’s nothing drastic in terms of new content, it better flashed out the relationship between Boutarou and his underlings, giving a name to the main one of them, better showed how Boutarou fought underwater and handled Ostrog/Jack WAAAYYY better than the magazine version where it seems Noda remained undecided on his character design for a much longer time and that’s why he obscured his face, making the reveal pretty anticlimatic as nothing big justifying it happened.

Here instead it’s just perfect so really, I recommend you to buy this new volume of Golden Kamuy, either in Japanese or as soon as it comes out in your country!

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cassolotl · 3 years

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A love story about my town, in the form of a true real life mystery

Originally tweeted here, April 2021

I have actually been meaning to recount this real life mystery for a while. I could not make it up.

Picture the scene. 2-3 years ago, early spring, I go to visit @averixus in his city 200 miles away from my home. Part of the plan is to visit Elsie (he/they) in his nearby city.

While we are somewhere between the train station and Elsie's house I get a mysterious and concerning text message from my GP surgery back in Wales.

I don't want you to get the wrong idea here. The surgery is not technologically advanced or anything. After several months of formal complaints about accessibility they acquired a mobile phone that sits in reception, just for me. If they put it in the wrong place it loses signal.

So anyway, I get a text. It's confusing and concerning. It says that they've gotten word that there's an ambulance attending my flat but apparently no one is home. They ask if I am okay.

"I am in [city 200 miles away]," I reply. "Can you tell me anything about what's going on?"

They cannot.

I text my support worker, who is feeding my cat Rosa at least once a day while I am away. "Are you alright? The GP surgery just sent me a text saying there's an ambulance attending my flat, and you're the only person I can think of who would be there!"

She replies to say that she is fine, and she will head over to my flat ASAP to feed Rosa and find out what's up.

When she arrives, the flat is totally normal. It's locked up, there's no one there, nothing is out of place...

But.

The cat has already been fed.

This is all very alarming, and I am a bit alarmed, but there is only so much I can do while I am 200 miles away, so I am also somehow quite Zen about it.

The walls are thin, maybe someone heard yelling or banging nearby and thought it was me? But then how did the cat get fed?

While Avery and I are picking up a few bits for Elsie I also text my friend Alice down the road, because she has spare keys to my house, so she is the only other person who could legally be there. She had no reason to go there, so unsurprisingly she is at home and totally fine, and now joining us in being concerned and mystified.

Between the shops and Elsie's house I get more texts.

The first to come through is from the GP surgery, who've managed to find out that the police had a call from the postman that morning. He'd seen my front door wide open, a man unconscious on the floor, and called 999.

I am starting to feel a little bit anxious at this point, because it sounds like some dude broke into my flat.

But also, let's go over the story so far. This is what Avery and I are able to piece together based on information available.

A guy breaks into my flat, passes out with the door wide open. The postman sees him, calls 999, but then LEAVES THE SCENE before paramedics arrive. The burglar wakes up, FEEDS THE CAT?? Then scarpers, leaving the door open. Paramedics arrive, find nothing, and call my GP surgery.

What kind of incredibly dedicated postman sees someone unconscious on the floor and responsibly calls 999 but also doesn't stick around to make sure the man is okay? "He might be dying but I have letters to post, sorry!!"

Also, why did the burglar leave without taking anything?

I then get another text from my support worker, who tried asking around in some nearby shops to find out more. I am forever grateful, because she totally doesn't have to do this, but she is curious, knows I can't phone neighbours, and can tell that I am troubled by it all.

She tells me the hairdresser opposite had seen paramedics arrive, and had been visited by the police (omg paramedics AND police?), who'd had reports that a WOMAN (not a man?) had been found lying in the hallway of my open flat, but by the time paramedics arrived they'd vanished.

The postman or the police not knowing if the unconscious person is a man or a woman kiiiind of makes sense, because the usual resident of the flat (me) is nonbinary.

However, I am not there. I am in [city 200 miles away].

My support worker did try to phone the police to find out what's going on, but I'm the only one the police are allowed speak to about this and I can't phone them due to disability. 🙄 (They could speak to my support worker with my consent, but I can't phone to provide it.)

We arrive at Elsie's house, and we've been keeping him updated. Elsie is an advocate by trade, so he basically opens the door and says "shall I just phone the police and pretend to be you to find out what happened?"

Me and Avery get comfy on the sofa, and Elsie makes the call.

The woman at the police station listens to the whole story and is as confused as we are. She goes to speak to the officers involved and gets back to us.

HERE WE GO. 👀

The postman turned up the day before and found the door open (not unusual) and left letters on the doormat.

He turned up the next day and the door was open again, but the letters he'd left the day before were still on the doormat (unusual). He was concerned, so he called the police. He reported MAIL on the floor in the hallway, and continued on his round.

You see what happened, right?

The police heard "MALE on the floor in the hallway" and sent some guys round, plus told paramedics, who arrived faster. Everyone found an open flat and no one in it.

The police then asked around in shops. They told the hairdresser they'd had reports of someone lying in the hallway of the open flat, and she assumed it was a woman.

It later transpired that she had seen the door of my flat open all day every day since I left for Avery's place, but had thought nothing of it, assuming I was leaving the door open 24/7 for my cat to come and go.

In early spring?? Who would do that!! Was she not concerned??

Elsie, on the phone to the police, asks, "my support worker said my cat had been fed, do you know anything about that?"

She has to go check with the police officers again. When she comes back:

"Basically, the cat was crying, and the officers are a bit soft, so... they fed her."

I love my town so much.*

My door clearly hadn't closed properly when I left for the train, the wind blew it open, my flat was wide open for days, but not only was I not burgled, the postman thoughtfully called the police, and the police fed my hungry cat before locking up.

* Except the hairdresser, who is clearly an alien posing as human in order to gather facts before a large-scale invasion.

#true story #real life mystery #wales #cymru #my words

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flowerslut · 4 years

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DAY SEVEN: WESTERN Rating: T for suggestive themes. Words: 5,271

WHUMPTOBER CROSSOVER—No. 5: FAILED ESCAPE

There isn’t much he can do behind his bar. Even with the shotgun he always keeps in arms reach, it never appears to make a difference to the monsters that slink through the shadows, snatching up men and women from their beds as often as they go missing from the streets,

It isn’t until a tiny girl appears, telling him that they need to run (away, together, quickly, now) that he realizes a gang of criminals or a pack of wild animals is the least of his worries.

ANOTHER NIGHT

There is no safety here.

It’s a hard fact—an unforgiving truth—that the townspeople have come to acknowledge over the past several months.

It started off with a group of missing kids. Boys that strayed too far to the edge of town. The last anyone saw of them they were chasing down a stray cat, tossing rocks at the animal as they laughed and ran towards the acres of nothing that surrounded their little municipality, miles of dry earth separating them from the next closest town.

Days later the cat returned, but the boys never did. A search party had been conducted, and all seven men had vanished, too.

At first, leaving town had been advised against. There was something out there, the sheriff explained to Jasper, sitting across from him at his bar as he poured the tired, old man a drink. Something was out there, taking anyone who walked too far off into the plains. Their only choice, until they figured out what was happening, was to stay put.

Jasper watched him leave that night, patting that same cat on the head on his way out of the bar. Jasper had glared at the animal before picking up a broom and chasing it out the door.

Two days later the sheriff was also missing.

Now, every time he saw that cat he reached for his gun. He hadn’t grown up with an ounce of superstition in his body. His uncle had been a wise man; someone who had implored Jasper to think realistically, and with sense. He’d been a man of little faith, earning himself more than his fair share of disapproval, but he was the smartest man Jasper knew.

“There is always a reason for things,” he explained to Jasper on more than one occasion when he’d been a boy, “don’t ever let someone tell you something is unexplainable.”

And though there was no sense in ghost stories, Jasper knew from his days in the war that different things could haunt you in different ways.

For a few weeks, the people of his tiny town stayed within the confines of the area. Mothers and wives fretted fiercely, wanting to desperately send letters to their sons and husbands working and traveling, imploring them to stay away while it wasn’t safe.

But the postman hadn’t been seen since the week the sheriff vanished, leaving the town disconnected from the rest of the world. And now, no visitors had arrived in months.

But when staying in town stopped being enough, people began to panic.

Little Lisa Davis had been snatched from her bed the same night that the Miller men vanished. There’d been theories that floated around then, that perhaps they were behind the disappearances. No one would’ve dared hurt a hair on James Davis’ little girl.

But then the disappearances began to turn into deaths.

The first discovery was gruesome. Davey Clark’s body had been found in the cellar of his home, his neck twisted and opened, his blood cool beneath his mangled body.

Jasper had been one of the men who had volunteered to go help clean up the scene. After all, he’d seen sights just as gory during the war. He could at least stomach the evidence of the monstrous violence, unlike some of the younger fellows.

His only takeaway from that day was that whatever was killing these people—because Davey’s body had been confirmation enough for Jasper that these missing people would not be returning— was absolutely not human.

He had sense, he had to remind himself at night when he cleaned glass pints with a rag, his shotgun never more than arm’s length away from him. He had plenty of sense. But the evidence pointed to something that he couldn’t quite explain yet, and Jasper was no fool. Ghost or monster, it didn’t matter. What mattered now was something Jasper had always been good at: survival.

So, he stopped sleeping at home. Instead he slept in the cellar of the bar in a room behind a room where he could adequately barricade the door, only a lantern to keep him company, as well as his guns as he struggled to sleep.

The disappearances (murders, he eventually had to correct himself) only happened at night, so Jasper stayed alert as much as he could.

When a newcomer came to town, nearly four months after the madness began, people ran from her. Mothers dragged their children into their homes, men grabbed their guns and waited by the windows, and even Jasper locked the doors of his bar, telling his patrons of the afternoon to stay back and shut up.

When a knock at the door broke the silence, Jasper gripped the gun tighter.

“Please let me in,” a woman’s voice implored. And Jasper was so thrown off by how young she sounded that he almost opened the door immediately. “I don’t want them to get me.”

“Don’t you dare, Whitlock,” George Hicks whispered roughly, his own pistol pointed toward the door they both were staring at. “You let that beast in and we’re all dead.”

“Please,” she begged, “It’ll be sundown soon. I’ve been walking all day.”

“You and Len get out through the back and get to Tippy’s,” Jasper eventually commanded of the other men. And when the woman on the other side of the door began to weep, he gestured toward the men with his gun. “Hurry up.”

“That thing’ll kill you, boy.” George shook his head, spitting on the floor as he and the other two men quickly scurried to the back of the bar where they’d find their escape.

Jasper cocked the gun and counted to ten. On eleven he swung the door open, pointing the gun at the woman who stood on the porch, crying heavy, relentless tears.

To her credit she didn’t jump or run away at the sight of a gun being pointed at her face. If anything, she looked relieved. “Thank you,” she shuddered, her dirty dress lying in tatters around her bare feet.

“What do you want?” Jasper commanded, trying to ignore the horrible guilt that kept working it’s way to the surface. She’s just a woman, his mind screamed at him as he held his shotgun steady, she’s harmless. But Jasper knew better than to trust a newcomer during this terrifying summer. “Where did you come from?”

“I travelled here from the East,” she spoke her explanation hurriedly. “It’s been about a week now—straight from Mississippi, sir.” Her accented words appeared to back up the claim, but her state of dress kept his suspicions burning like new. “A friend helped me but they got him. Or well,” she sighed, tears springing down her face like new, “he ran off to distract them so I could get through. I’ve been running all night and all day, sir.”

“And why did you come here?” He asked, peering at her with hard eyes over the gun. In his peripheral he could see the neighbors peeking through the window at the scene. Jasper Whitlock pointing his gun at the strange newcomer, surely wondering if he was the next to go.

“I can’t explain yet, sir. I apologize. And I reckon you won’t believe me.” Despite her tiny stature she stood straight, her face proud and unflinching as she stared back up at him, ignoring the gun’s presence completely. “By all means if you intend on firing that thing go on ahead, but I’m here to help you. Unless you want to be eaten, too.”

Jasper lowered the gun slightly at that. Whether she was calling his bluff or not, Jasper wasn’t sure. (There was no way he’d actually be able to pull the trigger.) Her words confused him. “Eaten?”

“Yes sir. There’s blood drinkers not far. They’re the ones hanging around these parts.”

“I—how do you know this?”

“My friend is one,” she provided without a flinch. Then, her face crumbled as her tears sprung forth like new. “Or, he was one. I fear he’s dead and gone now.”

“And you’re here to help us?”

“To help you,” she emphasized with a pointed look, and when she took a step closer he stepped back. She smiled then, looking ridiculous with her dirty, tear-stained face. “You won’t hurt me.” And then when she stepped around him, walking into the bar with peculiar confidence, he finally lowered the gun.

Gazing across the street he made eye contact with a man watching through his cracked front door and shook his head. If this girl was a threat, Jasper would soon find out. But something in his mind told him that she wasn’t the one causing the chaos that had struck their town.

He closed and locked the door behind him, turning back toward the woman. She’d made her way over to his bar and was perched up on it, already having helped herself to a glass of water. Using his old dish rag she dipped it into the glass and began to clean at her face and hands.

“I’m sorry to frighten you so,” she commented as she worked to clean herself from the desert’s grime. “There isn’t much time, I’m afraid.”

“Before what, precisely?”

“Before they’re back again.”

“The vampires?” He spoke, feeling foolish at the use of the word.

She nodded, and his chest felt tight with the confirmation. Somewhere in his mind he could hear his dead uncle protest, claiming that no such monsters existed. But whether a storybook creation or a thing of true nightmares, Jasper wasn’t about to doubt this strange newcomer.

“You don’t have anything to fear from me,” she spoke after a long pause, as if knowing his train of thought. She glanced up at him through long, dark eyelashes and sighed. “I’m as human as you.” Then, she re-wetted the rag and began to clean her dirty, bare feet.

“Why don’t you have shoes?” He demanded.

“I told you my friend took me out west,” she acted as if this was information he was supposed to have figure out already. “I wasn’t running. He was.”

“But you didn’t think to grab shoes before leaving?”

“It was a matter of urgency.” She turned her nose up and Jasper nearly laughed. As if she had any business pretending to be prim when she was cleaning her dirty feet with his good rag, her skinny legs exposed to a man she’d only known for a handful of minutes. “I can make you believe me, but I’m afraid it’ll frighten you more.”

“I’m a hard man to shake, ma’am.”

“Please, call me Alice.”

“Alice,” he stepped closer to her, his hands still firmly gripping his gun, although he relaxed slightly. “Help me to believe you then.”

“Okay, Jasper,” she looked pointedly up at him. “Tonight your friend with the beard is next and tomorrow no one will go missing. And two nights from now if we aren’t on the road by then I won’t be able to protect you anymore.”

“How do you know my name?” Did she have family here? No. If that were the case people wouldn’t have treated her like she was the monster when she appeared in town. His mouth felt dry as he replayed her words. How was this tiny girl supposed to protect him? It was as laughable as it was absurd.

“I’m afraid I’m a bit touched,” she confessed, finally directing her attention to the mess of hair that lung limply around her face. Meticulously, she began to slowly work her fingers through the strands, untangling it slowly. “I’ve seen things I can’t explain since I was a girl. It’s how I made my friend. And it’s how I led him out here. To you.”

“Why me?”

She hummed, as if amused by his insisting. “How much do you believe so far?”

“None of it.”

“Shame.”

“You want me to leave with you?” She nodded, looking back up at him. He took a few steps closer, finally resting the gun down on the bar. Close enough that he could still grab it, but far enough away that it was out of Alice’s reach. “And how will the… vampires not get us?”

“If we leave the day after tomorrow.”

“How are you so certain of things you can’t even prove to me.”

“Because I don’t need to,” she smiled again, and Jasper had to agree. She was a bit touched in the head. “It is the way it is. And if you don’t believe me we’ll both die.”

“Why you, too?”

“Because I’m not leaving without you.”

He laughed then, picking his gun back up and walking around the bar. “You’re not staying here.”

“So you’d send me back onto the streets? I’d die for sure tonight.”

He sighed loudly, putting the gun back down before uncapping the gin behind the bar. Taking a swig he closed his eyes. When he opened them, Alice had swung her feet around so that she was facing him once more, holding her arm out expectantly.

He placed the bottle in her palm and watched curiously as she took a sip and then sputtered and coughed.

He laughed again. “How old are you?”

She glared at him, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. Not much of a lady, this one. Then, she tipped the bottle again, clenching her eyes shut tight as she took another swig. This one she held down. With a gasp, she shook her head, handing back the bottle. “I’m nineteen, thank you.”

Then, her eyes shot toward the door, and Jasper immediately acted, grabbing the gun and pointing it toward the door.

“Let’s go,” she was at his side instantly, tugging at his elbow, pulling him toward where he knew the cellar door was located. It was impossible that this girl knew where to go, but when she led him down the stairs, into the cellar, and then through the doors that hid his private, secret room, he was stunned.

He slept little that night. After locking them both in he’d watched in shock as Alice made herself entirely too comfortable, curling up in the linens that he usually slept on, and falling into her dreams easily.

It would be a strange thing to have to explain to the patrons he’d evacuated today why this girl had been allowed to stay and why she would still be there when he opened up shop in the morning.

But morning came. And George didn’t.

Miriam delivered the teary news herself, her young grandson clinging to her leg on the porch of the bar, his eyes blown wide as he jumped at anything that moved.

“It got him last night,” the woman explained as calmly as she could. “Ripped him right out of my arms before I could shout or do anything. I didn’t even see the thing but it was there. It was in my home, and now my Georgie is gone.”

The mourning widow left, off to deliver the news to more of George’s acquaintances, and Alice’s words from the night before felt heavy in his head.

“Tonight your friend with the beard is next.”

When he closed the door back up, locking up before noontime rolled around, he turned to find Alice sitting at one of the barstools, looking toward him with sad eyes. “I don’t want to be right all the time,” she spoke quietly. “I don’t like knowing these things.”

“How do you know them?” He asked, feeling a bit lightheaded as he stumbled his way toward the bar and sat himself heavily in the stool besides hers.

“I can’t explain it. I get feelings. I see pictures. And then things happen.” When she reached over and grabbed his hand, he didn’t even fight her. He didn’t want to fight her. He was too tired to fight anything anymore. Especially these phantoms that stole and took no matter what they did. Alice lifted his hand, pressing his palm against her cheek and holding it there. “I can’t change the things that happen. But this time I’m going to try.”

“You said I die?” Her skin was soft under his hand, and as he spoke he found himself studying this little witch’s solemn expression.

“Not if I can help it.”

“You said no one dies tonight.” She nodded in confirmation. “And that you want to leave by tomorrow night.”

“If we don’t, we die.”

He brushed his thumb over her cheek, watching as she closed her eyes and sighed at the touch. He frowned then, pulling his hand out of her grip and back into his lap. The noise she made wasn’t quite helping him interact with his guest in an appropriate manner. He shifted on the stool and looked out to his empty bar.

“If no one vanishes tonight, I’ll believe you. And then I’ll come along.”

Alice, who had frowned as he pulled himself away from her, smiled then. Her relief was so palpable that he found himself relaxing.

He spent the day out on the town after that. Alice had advised him that if she went with him people would talk and it wouldn’t bode well for her, so she was forced to stay behind while he walked around town, gathering provisions and looking for a pair of shoes for the girl.

He bought some from George’s niece, Frances, who regarded him coolly but sold him the shoes anyways. Alice had tiny feet, she explained to him before he left for his errands. To try and get her point across she’d boldly grabbed his hand again before pressing it flat against the sole of her foot, showing him that her toes barely reached his middle finger.

He’d pulled his hand away from the improper girl swiftly, neck blood-red as he’d muttered under his breath before gathering his hat and leaving her behind. Her cheeky grin that he caught proved to him that the little woman knew she was being lewd.

It annoyed him to no end that the shoes he bought—that he very stealthily measured against his open palm—fit Alice perfectly. When she slipped them on she smirked up at him, a mischievous glint in her eye.

She advised him to gather some of his belongings—“I can’t see how long they’ll be in this area; it could be years”—but he shook his head. He’d only been in the small town for a couple of years now. He’d looked for somewhere quiet to live after the war but despite his residence and relative success in this small town, he knew it wasn’t a place he’d stay for too long.

His belongings, or at least the ones he cared about, were meager. As long as he had a canteen of water, a fresh set of clothes, and his guns in his knapsack, he’d be content. He packed a second bag, at Alice’s request. One that she would carry as they ran back east. This one with only threadbare blankets and food that wouldn’t spoil.

Alice appeared to have no idea how long it would take them to travel a safe enough distance, so that night he packed extra food and spent an hour digging through crates for another canteen.

If death was certain when they stayed, he wanted to be sure it wouldn’t claim them on the run, as well.

They bunkered down before sunset that night. Jasper felt almost calm, for the first time in months. He wasn’t sure if it was Alice’s presence that calmed him, or his quick trust in her ability that she was so confident in, but after he barricaded the door, he felt at peace almost.

“It will be okay,” she whispered, and when she grabbed his hand and pulled him after her, he didn’t resist. But when she laid him down and simply rested herself beside him, lacing her fingers with his, he found himself relieved. She was asleep minutes later, the glow of the lantern illuminating the angles of her face in the darkness.

Lifting his other hand he hesitated before reaching over and brushing the back of his knuckles lightly across her cheek. Her appearance in this town still made little sense to him, but it was hard to force himself to understand when she clearly operated in a different state of mind than he.

Still, when he woke early the following morning—a little disoriented and almost stunned he’d slept so soundly—to Alice pulling a blanket overtop of the both of them, he couldn’t help it when he rolled toward her, pulling her against him. And when he lazily kissed her, hardly thinking about what he was doing, she sighed against him as if she’d been waiting for it.

They rolled around the sheets, learning each other’s bodies until mid-morning when she froze, breaking a heated kiss as her eyes glassed over. Jasper called her name multiple times, but the only physical sign that she was hearing him at all came when she reached out for him blindly, her hands only stilling when they grasped his face between them.

He waited what felt like an eternity before she blinked again, and suddenly she was sitting up. The abrupt motion would’ve forced her forehead to smack into his face if he hadn’t shifted out of the way in time. Then, she was panting, clutching her hands to her naked chest as she pulled her knees up.

“No,” she whispered, the word catching on a sob. “No, no, it can’t be…”

“What’s happening?” Jasper reached out for her quickly, brushing strands of hair out of her face only to reveal wide, terrified eyes. “Alice, what… what did you see?”

“I was wrong,” she whispered as the tears pooled over. Then, her eyes locked onto his. “We don’t have another night.”

“What… how… but you said—”

“They caught my scent. They know I was with my friend—he was covered in my scent, too. They know I’m out here. It’s,” a realization struck her so abruptly that she flinched, her head falling into her hands, “oh god. Oh, my god.”

“Alice,” he reached forward and gripped her shoulders, giving her a firm shake, “Alice, look at me. What happened?”

“It’s all my fault!” Then she let out a shriek that almost made Jasper smack his hands over his ears. “Oh, my god. Oh, my god.” When she started rocking back and forth Jasper didn’t know what to do. “It’s me. I’m the reason they come for you. I’m the reason we die. It all makes sense now. It’s my fault.”

“I can’t change the things that happen,” she had told him confidently. The words of a woman with nothing to lose. “But this time I’m going to try.”

And she’d tried. And, according to herself, she’d failed. And now there was nothing to be done.

Jasper had thought enough about his own fate in the past few months. Every night that passed was another night in which he may die, and every morning that greeted him had begun one more day that he didn’t expect to be gifted.

Since the end of the war, Jasper had realized he’d been living on borrowed time. He’d dodged death too often, in ways that made little sense. But he’d made it home, unlike so many of his brothers in arms.

He’d been prepared to die since he was a sixteen-year-old kid, lying to an army recruiter and getting away with it because he was tall.

Now that he stood on death’s front porch, he couldn’t even find the fear within himself. It was Alice’s fear that made him act. “Is there nothing I can do?” He asked pitifully, hands still resting helplessly on her shoulders as the girl shook and sobbed. “Tell me how I can get you out of here. Tell me how I can save at least you.” He was ready to die. This girl, not so much.

“It’s pointless,” she cried, tears and snot and spit falling from her face. “I doomed you. I’m sorry Jasper. I’m so, so sorry.”

He gathered her up in his arms then, feeling hollow as he listened to her sob noisily.

He didn’t bother opening up the bar that day. Nor did he want to walk around town and hear any new news. He already knew that what Alice had told him—about there being no disappearances last night—was true. He could feel it firmly in his bones.

They eventually dressed themselves and left the small hideout, wandering back up to the main level to lounge around the bar. Alice’s face was red, swollen with tears, her dress hastily fastened and tied without care.

He didn’t go far that day. Just down the street to trade some liquor for a couple of hot meals. It felt strange, to know that he would be dead by the time the sun rose the following morning. Even as he bid Miss Tassie a farewell it felt strange. Like it wasn’t enough to simply say goodbye and walk back to his sanctuary.

But that’s just what he did. He didn’t walk around and bid farewell to his regulars. He didn’t stop by Mick’s place and tell him that he’d have to take over the bar again. He didn’t even take a good look at the sun—he knew the sky would stay blue and the sun would stay bright without him committing it to memory.

He and Alice ate their fill quietly. After their meal Alice curled up right there on the floor and slept. Jasper nearly joined her before he realized he wanted to tidy things up for Mick. Make it easier for them to reopen the bar once he was gone.

As he cleaned he let his mind wander. He hoped that the monsters that came for them would at least have the decency of whisking them away to kill them. He didn’t want these poor people to have to clean up another gory mess. As he packed away spirits and ales he wondered if they would maybe kill them first, then take their bodies elsewhere to feed.

He supposed he should’ve felt more uneasy at the idea, but the thoughts were something to pass the time.

Eventually Alice woke and they sat up, passing a bottle between them.

After a few hours Alice decided to tell him exactly what they would be missing out on. About the life they would’ve had ahead of them, had their future not changed course. They would’ve ran back to Mississippi, she claimed, but they wouldn’t have stayed long. Then, they would’ve travelled north. Jasper scoffed at the idea of willingly mingling with the yankees, to which Alice had smacked his shoulder firmly, shushing him.

“After a few years we’d get married, of course.”

Jasper made another offended noise. “Years? Why years?”

“Because our cover story would include already being married. But we’d get married for real up north. We would have to anyways, I’d get pregnant once we settled into the city.”

“Hm,” he hummed as she spoke, pulling her close to him and pressing his nose into her hair. She smelled like wet dirt and liquor, but Jasper didn’t mind. Instead, he closed his eyes and tried to picture the future they’d never have, wishing he could see it the same way she could. “Then what?”

“You’d get a job working at the harbor as a deckhand. We’d have a little house with a view of the water where the kids and I could look out and see where you were. You’d have lots of friends,” she looked up at him, “you’re very personable, you know. Then, I’d make you quit and get a job somewhere else, because I can see instances where you hurt yourself on a few occasions. After that…”

The spent their day like this. Alice was a never-ending supply of what-ifs as he supplied ideas and alternatives for the future they’d never have. The more intoxicated they became the more elaborate the stories grew, and eventually as he turned and looked down at Alice, tucked in the crook of his arm and laughing herself silly, he realized how easy it would have been to fall in love with the psychic girl.

Too bad they were doomed.

The had sex a few more times after that as they continued to get progressively drunker until eventually they both passed out, fully naked and wrapped up in one another on the floor of the bar.

Jasper came to hours later. When he sat up he realized he was still drunk, and it took him several minutes to realize what time it was. He rushed over toward the window, stumbling the entire way. When he noticed the moon high in the sky he felt all the blood rush out of his body.

Turning back toward Alice, who was still unconscious on the floor where he’d left her, he left his heart clench and his stomach drop. He couldn’t wake her. It would be cruel to have her wait up alongside him before their death.

Instead, he approached quietly, and as carefully as he was able to, lifted the skinny girl into his arms. Alice barely shifted as he carried her across the bar and down the stairs, but when he tried to lower her onto the rickety mattress of his hideout, her arms weakly reached out to him.

“Stay,” she mumbled in her sleep, her arms lacing behind his neck as she sighed.

Jasper leaned forward and kissed her softly before laying beside her. With one hand he brushed his fingers through her hair, and within a minute she was back asleep.

He covered her in every blanket he could find, before he took one final look at her and left the room.

They came for him eventually.

It wasn’t noiseless, the way he thought it would be. No stealth was attempted as the creatures of the night pushed his door open, breaking the lock and sending wood chips flying. Jasper didn’t even have time to fire his gun before something was gripping his throat fiercely.

“Do not crush that one yet,” a heavily accented voice spoke, and suddenly there was a group of what looked like people standing around his bar. Their eyes all glowing red. “Find the girl first.”

“NO,” Jasper kicked his feet at the red-eyed monster who held his life in their hands.

After a long peal of laughter, the voice chimed in again. “I like him. Him, we will use.” Jasper watched as a small dark-haired woman strode up to him slow enough that she looked almost human. Then, she turned toward the man who held him and said, “if you keep him alive long enough for me to change him, you can have the girl.”

When the creature holding onto him let out a hiss, Jasper flinched, his hands tugging and pulling at the stone-cold wrist gripping him.

“Hello soldier,” the woman spoke to him directly now, eyeing his military uniform with amusement (he’d decided to die wearing what he thought he would have, years ago). “Welcome to a different kind of war.”

The next several minutes were a blur of pain and movement and screaming. His final thoughts were focused solely on his lovely little Alice, dread weighing down his every thought as he imagined all the ways they would kill her. She hadn’t been ready to die, but she’d risked her life to save him anyways.

Unfortunately, she’d played right into fate’s hand.

And when the fire started, Jasper knew it was over.

#jaliceweek20 #the twilight saga #twilight fanfiction #this was my least favorite prompt and turned into one of my favorites so hooray for that I guess #anyways what happens at the end is all up to yall bud!#welcome to the choose your own adventure where you just get to pick whatever makes you feel better LMAO #whumptober2020

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nerianasims · 4 years

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Billboard #1s 1975

Under the cut.

Elton John – “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” -- January 4, 1975

He slowed it down. Of course he did. And he's singing it like every word must be perfectly enunciated so that you can understand how incredibly deep it is. Awful, terrible, ugh. William Shatner's version is actually preferable.

Barry Manilow – “Mandy” -- January 18, 1975

Barry Manilow got a lot of hate when I was a kid in the 80s, and I didn't understand from any first-hand experience because the only song I knew of his was "Copacabana." Now, listening -- he's not bad. Yeah, he's 70s light rock. But he sings with emotion that doesn't sound fake and this song has a beat. I'm not saying I like this song, in which the singer regrets sending away the woman he loves, but it's fine. I find it far more tolerable than any Elton John song on this list.

The Carpenters – “Please Mr. Postman” -- January 25, 1975

The Carpenters' asset was Karen Carpenter's amazing singing. This song does not showcase it. They'd have done better to cover "Will You Love Me Tomorrow" or "One Fine Day." Also the way they redid the music makes it sound more like a light 50s pop song than early Motown. Blech.

Neil Sedaka – “Laughter In The Rain” -- February 1, 1975

This song is about taking walks in the rain with his wife/girlfriend. There's something fake about his singing, and also he doesn't hit the high notes (which aren't that high) right. I'd actually like to hear what Barry Manilow would do with this. It's not terrible, but meh.

Ohio Players – “Fire” -- February 8, 1975

Putting sirens in a pop song is kinda dickish, because you're gonna get people driving in their cars to try to suddenly swerve off the road. Anyway, besides that, this is an Ohio Players song, so it's funk. I don't really know what else to say about it. Maybe it could have been a little faster? I'm a bit bored, and that should never happen with funk.

Linda Ronstadt – “You’re No Good” -- February 15, 1975

There are sure a lot of covers this year. Boomer nostalgia. But Linda Ronstadt put a hell of a lot of effort into this one, unlike the people who did the previous two covers. The song's also a really good one, with an interesting lyrical twist; not only is the singer telling the man who broke her heart that he's no good, but "I broke a heart that’s gentle and true/ Well, I broke a heart over someone like you.” That's some vinegar in the wound. And musically, it's really good rock -- not an ounce of schmaltz anywhere. Excellent song, and I went back to listen to it on repeat when I was done writing for the night.

Average White Band – “Pick Up The Pieces” -- February 22, 1975

It's a funk instrumental. I think this has been on a lot of soundtracks. I find it repetitive and kinda boring.

Eagles – “Best Of My Love” -- March 1, 1975

They're still in love but their marriage is falling apart. The divorce rate in the 70s was very high. People often claim those 70s statistics are the same today, but they very much are not. Anyway, it's not too whiny and he doesn't blame her, but the song is too slow and too light. You could replace the words with a straightforward love song without changing the music, so long as the love song was boring. Yawn.

Olivia Newton-John – “Have You Never Been Mellow” -- March 8, 1975

Wow, shut up Olivia. I can identify with being sick of someone who is wound up like an E string and wanting to tell them to just chill. Hell, I'm that tightly-wound person pretty often, and I do much better when I remember to be mellow when I can. But this song is condescending and superior. "Have you never tried to find a comfort from inside you?" Toxic positivity.

The Doobie Brothers – “Black Water” -- March 15, 1975

I saw the song title and the chorus immediately started up in my brain. This is a song about the Mississippi by people who may never have been east of Las Vegas. "I ain't got no worries/ Cuz I ain't in a hurry at all." Pfft right. But the music of this song is so catchy and fun, that even though I'm not fond of the lyrics, I like the song.

Frankie Valli – “My Eyes Adored You” -- March 22, 1975

This guy used to lead The Four Seasons, but thankfully he doesn't do that horrible falsetto in this one. Ostensibly this song is about how he's thinking about his first crush. I think that's a metaphor, though. I think it's a song worshiping nostalgia and missing childhood. Yuck.

LaBelle – “Lady Marmalade” -- March 29, 1975

Patti LaBelle claimed she didn't know what this song was about. Yeah right. It's about a guy who spent some time with a sex worker on his trip to New Orleans. There's no judgment. It's just a sort of funky, sort of disco-ey, definitely belted song and it’s great.

Minnie Riperton – “Lovin’ You” -- April 5, 1975

Turn it off turn it off turn it off. I hate this song. It's one of the first songs I knew I hated musically, rather than only lyrically. The lyrics are whatever, a 70s love song, but the music -- I can't handle it. It's like sandpaper on my brain.

Elton John – “Philadelphia Freedom” -- April 12, 1975

Elton John's ode to Philly soul. It doesn't work. It's too slow, it's repetitive, and Elton John's no soul singer. He's so boring.

B. J. Thomas – “(Hey Won’t You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song” -- April 26, 1975

Hey won't you not play that please. It's too slow, and it's without guts or grit. The Muppets sped it up and made it a multi-Muppet honky tonk singalong, which improved it a lot. Also I think Bo Burnham took the idea for "Y'all dumb motherfuckers want a key change?" from Rowlf's "Up a key!" line in the Muppet version.

Tony Orlando & Dawn – “He Don’t Love You (Like I Love You)” -- May 3, 1975

Another cover of a 60s song. Linda Rondstadt is still the only one to do it right. The song itself, when sung by others, is a good one. Not when sung by Tony Orlando. It's like he bleached it. Also I expect him to tell me the slot machines are available all night when he's done.

Earth, Wind & Fire – “Shining Star” -- May 24, 1975

This song is absolutely awesome. It's disco-funk, and yet it's sort of a sermon about self-actualization too. "You’re a shining star, no matter who you are / Shining bright to see what you could truly be.” Compare and contrast with the condescending "Have You Never Been Mellow." This is how you inspire people.

Freddy Fender – “Before The Next Teardrop Falls” -- May 31, 1975

This song is in both English and Spanish. Musically, it sounds like it comes from way before 1975, but that's not a bad thing. The singer is losing his woman to another man, but he tells her if the new man ever hurts her, he'll be there before the next teardrop falls. It's a solid country song.

John Denver – “Thank God I’m A Country Boy” -- June 7, 1975

How much money did John Denver have by this point? He sounds like the typical rich conservative talking about how he's a good ol' down home boy while he's got a condo in New York, a mansion in California, and keeps an official residence in Oklahoma for tax purposes that he never visits. "A-raisin’ me a family and working on the farm / My days are all filled with an easy country charm." Total and absolute bullshit -- farm work is phenomenally hard, not "easy country charm." This song is offensively bad.

America – “Sister Golden Hair” -- June 14, 1975

The singer isn't ready for commitment but can't stop thinking about the woman he's singing to. So he's trying to keep her hangin' on. There's one line that I hate: "Will you love me just a little, just enough to show you care?" How about you show her you care first, you entitled brat? The music's pretty good, but the lyrics bug me.

The Captain & Tennille – “Love Will Keep Us Together” -- June 21, 1975

It has a beat and some bounce at least. She sings about how some girl may come along to try to take him away -- seriously? This silly hat-wearing doof? Okay, that's a problem. Another problem is that she sounds perfectly chipper throughout. She's not worried, but who would be? I think this song struck a chord because of the divorce rate in the 70s. That, along with it having an actual beat of some kind unlike so many other hits of the era, is my theory as to how it got big.

Wings – “Listen To What The Man Said” -- July 19, 1975

There is, of course, nothing wrong with silly love songs. But some of them are not good songs. I usually love to hear a saxophone on a pop song, but this one sounds like it belongs in background music on a TV show. The main melody line is boring. I think it's another song about divorce anxiety: "No matter what the man said/ And love is fine for all we know/ For all we know, our love will grow." Very true. But did you have to be so boring when imparting this message, Paul?

Van McCoy & The Soul City Symphony – “The Hustle” -- July 26, 1975

Doo doo doo da doo doo doo da doo. My dad actually knew how to do the two-person hustle. I think. Anyway, how he showed me to dance is the way the couples are dancing in the Hustle video here. Minus that leg kick. There are almost no words to this song. Just "Do the Hustle" and "The Hustle. Do it." And -- okay! It is an irresistible dance song. I like it, though the piccolo (I think it's a piccolo) gets hard to listen to after a while.

Eagles – “One Of These Nights” -- August 2, 1975

Tom Breihan, whose Stereogum articles I've been using to track these songs, doesn't like the Eagles when they turned to a bit more of a rock direction with this song. This is one of many examples of how he's wrong. Okay, okay, an example of how my taste differs from his, which is one thing that pushed me to do this list. But yes, I really like this song a lot. The guitars are great. The narrator of this song is looking for a girlfriend. Or maybe a friend with benefits. The lyrics are all pretty good, if hardly Stevie Nicks level, but one line stands out: "Oh, loneliness will blind you in between the wrong and the right." It will.

The Bee Gees – “Jive Talkin'” -- August 9, 1975

I made a weird noise that scared my cat when I saw this was the next one. But thankfully, I have a little more time before Barry Gibb's horrible falsetto pierces my brain. This is nonetheless a Bee Gees disco song, which means my butt is firmly planted in my seat and I have no desire to dance whatsoever. It isn't ear-bleeding like their later songs, as the falsetto is absent, but it is terribly boring.

Hamilton, Joe Frank And Reynolds – “Fallin’ In Love” -- August 23, 1975

He's fallin' in love with you again. Or maybe fallin' more in love with you. I dunno. I'm falling asleep.

KC & The Sunshine Band – “Get Down Tonight” -- August 30, 1975

Some dance songs are good listening songs. This one is not. The narrator wants to do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight. And if you are not there to get down, the song is not for you. Especially how repetitive it gets in the second half. It serves its purpose as a dance song well, though.

Glen Campbell – “Rhinestone Cowboy” -- September 6, 1975

I really like rhinestones. I like sparkly stuff. The narrator of this song does too. He's been trying to get somewhere for a long time and has had it. He's eager to sell out thoroughly at this point. I get it. Oh boy do I get it. And being a rhinestone cowboy doesn't hurt anyone. If I could churn out huge amounts of disposable fiction with a "load of compromising" to make a lot of money, I'd do it in a heartbeat. My 20-year old self would be shocked. But life's hard, and "cringe" isn't harm. Rhinestone Cowboy's good in my book.

David Bowie – “Fame” -- September 20, 1975

And here's a song about how chasing celebrity is maybe not such a great idea. A really bad idea, actually. "It drives you to crime," for one thing. Yet this is musically not a dour song at all. It's angry but upbeat at the same time. Also brilliant musically, which from David Bowie is "of course." Most excellent.

John Denver – “I’m Sorry” -- September 27, 1975

The narrator is sorry about a breakup. He says he's also "sorry for the way things are in China." That one line makes me side-eye the entire song. Saying that they're sorry for huge things that have nothing to do with them is something abusive people sometimes do. The rest of the song sounds sincere enough though. And boring. Oh, so very boring.

Neil Sedaka – “Bad Blood” -- October 11, 1975

The narrator is telling a guy that the woman he's with is bad and is going to mess him up. And he's angry about it -- not at the woman, but at the guy. I think the narrator wanted the woman and is now calling her an evil bitch to try to turn his supposed friend against her. There's this happy flute in the background that sounds really odd with this deeply nasty song. Also, nastiness should be more interesting than this. It's both mean and boring.

Elton John – “Island Girl” -- November 1, 1975

Did Elton John start all his songs with the same chords? I feel like he did. This doesn't sound like an island song. It sounds like an ad jingle. A racist, sexist ad jingle. Ha-ha isn't it funny that a woman is tall and dark-skinned. The song calls her a "well-worn tire." So, so bad.

KC & The Sunshine Band – “That’s The Way (I Like It)” -- November 22, 1975

I have never understood any lyrics to this song but the chorus, or been curious enough to look them up. I just did. There are very few lyrics in this song besides the chorus, but yep, it's about sex. It's another KC & The Sunshine Band dance song that's great for dancing, and not really meant for anything else.

Silver Convention – “Fly, Robin, Fly” -- November 29, 1975

"Fly, robin, fly/ Up up to the sky" are the lyrics to this song. Over and over again. It's plastic Euro-disco and it is bad. Not danceable, no reason to listen to it, no reason for it to exist. I can only think that large amounts of cocaine were involved in this becoming a hit.

The Staple Singers – “Let’s Do It Again” -- December 27, 1975

It's another sleepy sex song, but this one is by a band with three sisters and their father. Their father sings on this track too. Apparently he didn't want to, and I wish he'd stuck by that, because ew.

BEST OF 1975 -- "Lady Marmalade" by LaBelle and "Shining Star" by Earth, Wind and Fire WORST OF 1975 -- "Island Girl" by Elton John

#billboard number ones

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heuristicallyinclined · 4 years

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Nobody Knows

Hey, so this is my first public fanfic. I have been a Homestuck fan since the early 2010′s but Hiveswap slammed me back into it hard enough to write. Cringe is dead and it is going to be angsty and indulgent with canon treated as a suggestion. I’ve been spamming some of my favorite writers in the fandom with ideas in their inbox and decided to actually do something about some of them. Most of this comes from some future angst with Mallek I sent @clusband a few weeks ago during sad Mallek hours. Constructive advice welcome.

Get some hurt, comfort, fluff, a lot of angst. A lot of background characters.

Summary: MSPA Reader reflects on their current situation and unhappiness at not being able to see their old friends again. They accept that they past they once knew them in no longer exists, but what about the present?

Chapter 1: Self-reflection and other cool ways to spend the day

Part 1/?

(Word count: 3,085 | Rated T | Past MSPA Reader x Mallek Adalov, MSPA Reader x Mallek Adalov, Past MSPA Reader x Polypa Goezee, Background DaveKat)

AO3 Links: Part One (This) | Part Two | Part Three

Being back in your hive after however long it has been brings up memories. Memories that you had spent so long aching for whenever the discomfort of that void inside of you passed. Focusing on that hollowness for too long always made you uncomfortable, but you sometimes would try to understand why that was. You tried, you really did, to the point of feeling that static so hard that your vision would go white and you couldn’t hear anything over the sound of it in your mind, feeling like you were going to pass out. You think one time you did, but it was hard to tell. Fuck.

You thought that getting them back would help, make you more content, fill it even, make you feel whole again? But you just feel even emptier and like an even more monumentally bigger fuck up. You drink your shitty, expired coffee made in the coffee machine Tagora bought you a long time ago in the mug Skyyla made you, thumbing over the Ladyy design on the handle. You smile at the idea of her making such a comparatively small mug for you. Imagining the struggle of her larger hands trying to make something usable for your much smaller ones. You feel the warmth from your drink and your memory. At least your makeshift home was too out of the way to be ransacked, that or too much of a death risk for anyone other than alien refugees to try to make their way into.

You look around you at all of the trinkets your friends had given you. Remembering how at the time, you felt so rewarded, accepted even. Trolls being, well, trolls, had a hard time opening up to others given how much of a hellscape the whole planet was. So every time you made some progress, you felt like you got the neighborhood cat to approach you without getting too clawed up.

You look over in the corner and notice the plastic bag you got when grabbing some oblong meat products for Dieman at Grub-Mart. You had some extra caegars and figured he might be exhausted after doing whatever drug that was at Ardata’s party. You figured that some sweet meat might help with the hangover. You definitely needed it.

Your teal highlighter had been covered in dust, having not been used since you decided to be a good friend and smuggle some snacks into the bookhive to support your favorite legislacerators-in-training late night, er morning, study session. You stayed as moral support, given you know fuck all about the laws of any given planet and also enjoy having your flesh remain unscorched. You feel like you learned a lot. Probably. You mostly shared meaningful eye contact and words of encouragement.

Drawings from clown children and sketches from Amisia cover your walls. So do ticket stubs from Marvus’ and Chixie’s shows. You felt an odd sense of pride in being one of the most normal people there, extraterrestrial status not withstanding. A set of indigo sweatbands from exercising with Nikhee that you would also use with Stelsa during scaerobics classes are hung on hooks. There was a rom-com with a title too long to read in your lifetime that you watched with Polypa and books borrowed from Galekh that you never returned.

You smile, but it doesn’t reach your eyes. You care about all of your new friends, of course you do! It is just that… you feel more like the universe’s least qualified guidance counselor instead of their friend sometimes. You’re older than them, so it is maybe more like a sibling or a sketchy babysitter kind of relationship. They all have kinda weird, hard lives, even the ones on Earth, so you don’t mind being an interdimensional taxi service, or a postman who delivers kids to other kids, but they tend to relate more with each other than with you. Which makes sense, and you're definitely happy they finally get to be with other people their own age, but seeing them hanging out with each other really makes you long for the people you once had the same kinds of relationships with.

You had Karkat ask about your hoodie before you got your memories back and Sollux mentioned Mallek, but you got a little occupied by drones. It had been a bit since then. After taking Karkat back to his hive after a movie night with Dave, you noticed him eyeing your hoodie again.

“HEY. SO YOU NEVER ACTUALLY TOLD ME.”

Told you what?

“DON’T BE OBTUSE, I GET ENOUGH OF THAT FROM ALL OF THE OTHER BULGELICKERS THAT HAVE TRAMPLED THEIR WAY INTO MY EXISTENCE. DID YOU KNOW SOMEONE NAMED ADALOV?”

Oh, yeah the hoodie. After remembering, you were not looking forward to this conversation. You look off and let him know, yeah, you did. You trying not to make a big deal of it has clearly had the opposite impact on him.

“YOU TELEPORTED YOUR HORNLESS ASS INTO MY HIVE. IS THIS WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO BE COY ABOUT? YOU DUMPED ME ON AN ALIEN PLANET AND HAVE THE INEXPLICABLE HOBBY OF TRYING TO GET YOUR FROND STUMPS IN EVERYONE’S PERSONAL LIFE AND I ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOU AND FIGURE OUT HOW YOU OF ALL PEOPLE MANAGED TO GET A HIGHBLOOD MOIRAIL AND-”

Matesprit. He pauses and actually looks taken aback. It is odd to see him momentarily speechless.

“WHAT?” Well that didn’t last.

He was my matesprit.

“AGAIN, WHAT? SO YOU HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE AND ARE WEARING A SIGN THAT HASN’T BEEN USED IN FUCK KNOWS HOW LONG? BEING MUTATED CULLBAIT NOT KILLED BY DRONES AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU FILLED A QUAD?”

Quads.

This information seems to break him. You see a familiar crease being to form between his brows. You then pause, trying not to get offended.

Wait, hold on, he has totally accepted you being able to travel time and space, but you filling a quad is too much?

“YOU ARE STILL PUSHING IT WITH TIME. BUT EXCUSE ME IF THROUGH THE PANBOGGLING TALES OF YOUR FUCKING ESCAPADES THROUGH SPACE THAT THEY DON’T EXACTLY FUCKING TRACK ON BEING CONDUSIVE TO FILLING YOUR QUADRANTS.”

Fair. You sigh and tell him the story before he can take a breath because as much as you care about him, this boy has one setting and it is very loud.

You tell him about taking a walk, getting abducted. Saying you were a robot and then revealing you were not in fact a robot. You hesitate during the underground river part as you walk the line between Mallek’s privacy and sating Karkat’s curiosity. You smile recounting getting pushed in the river, saved, and how he called you cute and started blushing and trying to backpeddle. How the two of you hung out later and how he made an account just to talk to you. Karkat seems to soften by a modicum at this.

You laughed at how he showed up to tattoo a stranger just because you asked. You wistfully go through the memories that led to an eventual confession and how beforehand how your moirail Polypa was coaching you and Galekh provided you with literature on quadrants. A true bro move, especially since you don’t know how a conversation on them would have gone. You guessed it was since you helped him with his pitch quad and the tattoo. Maybe he felt like there was already something going on when we were both at his hive in matching hoodies, oh yeah he was the guy who got tattooed. His kismesis was your law partner. Karkat’s brow twitched, incredulous. Yeah you don’t know how Gorgor managed that either. Maybe having an alien alive and working for him on Alternia added to his court cred. You also think that that wasn’t the only part Karkat took issue with, but by some miracle, he lets you keep talking.

You kept expecting him to cut you off but he seemed somewhat enraptured by the tales of your romantic antics, despite his efforts to seem more interested in the you part, you were getting a feeling he was more interested in alien dynamics. You knew he was interested in romcoms so maybe this was just some new material for him, especially since quads were a new thing for you and maybe he has strong thoughts regarding the differences in alien ro-

Oh.

Oh you see why now.

Karkat seemed to pick up on the shift in your storytelling going from your personal life to human romantic customs.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT LOOK FOR?”

What look? There are no looks occurring.

“TRY THAT SHIT ON A MORON WHO JUST HATCHED. THEY MIGHT JUST BE MORE INCLINED TO GLEEFULLY SHOVEL THAT EXCUSE DOWN THEIR CHUTES.” He crossed his arms and squints at you. You knew how sharp his claws were from experience, not that you thought he was going to hurt you. There was just something very endearing about him trying to intimidate you while not subtly trying to glean more information about humans without seeming interested in humans. Or a human. Yeah, this is totally about Dave. You just have to find a way to gracefully skedaddle around that little detail.

I just had a bit of learning curve when dating an alien. So it is totally cool if you don’t know much about human stuff. I know quads can b-

“AND WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULD WANT TO KNOW THAT?” He says this clearly knowing what he thinks you think. You think it would be better if he didn’t think you thinked that, considering how the tips of his ears are turning red. You think.

You have romcom stuff everywhere and seem to really like them? Learning about human stuff might make it easier for you watch human romcoms and see how good or bad they are based on social norms. Kinda like romantic xenoanthropology.

Fucking nailed it. He huffs and rolls his eyes. Or at least enough that your answer plus the sheer amount of not fucking wanting to talk about that got you onto romcoms in general. He seemed to echo Polypa’s taste and you smiled at how animated he was becoming. A few of what you watched were now classics. Others that you didn’t like are prime pitch fodder. It had gotten late (early?) and that led you back to your hive. Just sitting alone and thinking. God you hate self-reflection.

You think of your time with Aradia. How she said you were a little broken. How she said you wouldn’t remember not being able to get to your friends again and being held by whatever the fuck that was. But you did remember, as much as you wish you didn’t. Guess you were more broken than she thought. It would be easier to just think you couldn’t get back because you didn’t try hard enough. But you did, you really did, and no matter what you do you just can’t. You are a shitty meta traveler and an even shittier friend. You thought about trying again but you get the feeling that you can’t access something that longer exists. You’d probably just get stuck in some corner of the universe and be alone all over again until you suffocate.

Can you even really die or be killed in anyway that matters anymore? At least in a way that doesn’t bring up the dull pang of a “bad end” followed by getting slammed dunked back in the past, before your fuck up, by an alarmingly cheerful time goddess?

Yeah, you didn’t think so. That would just add to the conga line of your dead selves letting you know how much of a dumbass you are.

But those people, those times. They don’t exist anymore. You keep thinking back to the way things were and who they were and how you can’t travel to those points anymore. All you have is the relative now and the people who exist now. Mostly.

You finish your terrible, bitter coffee, the cup no longer keeping your hands warm. You deserve this. In some shitty cosmic way, maybe you deserve this for not being better as a friend or partner. You can’t go back to the way things were to only to the people of now. And who even know who or what that even is.

Wait.

Maybe you couldn’t go back to the people they used to be because those were no longer who they were now. That thought sends a pang of hurt through you, imagining what little hope they had crushed. God dammit. But you have to try. Otherwise it is just you babysitting some 13 year olds who are trying to discover themselves and work through their issues with some interdimensional asshole looking over their shoulders. That asshole hopefully just being you.

You put your mug down and stand, closing your eyes, you try to repeat what you did with Aradia again, the memory of them doesn’t work. You know that. But with your new friends, it hasn’t completely been the memory? Maybe more accurate to say it’s them, some part memory sure, but more the idea of the present them, what they look like, who they are. You open your eyes and glance down at the sign on your hood. A sign you have mindlessly traced so many times. A sign that when you forgot it, gave you a dull sense of grief, now that you do remember though, it has sharpened and you are reminded of it whenever you are alone for too long or even slow down. Like the rest of you from other timelines will catch up to you in the current one and you get to experience your failures all over again.

You hold yourself tightly to ground yourself. Self-flagellation won’t get you anywhere, you’ve tried, you know this. So again, you close your eyes. You focus on your hood, the sign on it, the person it belonged to. The Mallek he was when he gave it to you vs. the Mallek he knew he didn’t want to be. The one he would have to be to survive. Your throat tightened at the thought of not being able to find him because he couldn’t do it and what if they got him an-

You slap yourself to stop catastrophizing.

Focus!

Adult trolls get bigger and their horns and claws grow with them. Their skin hardens and darkens as it does. You can’t tell if them molting was a joke someone told you or if they were serious so you don’t think about that part. Their blood color shows more through their eyes as they age. They wear black with their sign incorporated on it when they get spaced. You think back to the cerulean pirate you saw with Konyyl. Something like that. Okay you were getting somewhere. You could tell by how afraid you were to get there. You begin to get a headache, like your mind is a rubber band that you are trying to stretch to fit around something it shouldn’t.

Mallek said he would be a soldier or a spy and would be stuck ordering around lowbloods. No longer able to use his hacker skills how he wanted to. You imagine him, larger, older, more tired. Probably has more piercings and tattoos. You smile a little, despite yourself and the tension you feel continuing to build. He would likely play along, do what he had to do to do what he wanted to do. But at that point what would that even be? You imagine he would never truly stop messing with the system or hacking. His natural curiosity wouldn’t let him so he would be trying… something quietly on the side. He was sympathetic but you didn’t know how deep he would or if he would go down the rebel route, maybe just try to deal with his own corner of the universe.

Going along with what is expected seems to be the easiest way to keep under the radar. He has always been partial to not getting culled. Even when it was just the two of you, you knew it was a conscious effort to let his guard down around you, often requiring a change of scenery with you jokingly asking about if you would be needing goggles. Jokes often broke the tension of being afraid to be known with him.

Despite his projected cool, you knew he was an anxious person and preferred to be alone. You could see that being warped to fit the expectations of being a cerulean. You remember from conversations you had early in the morning, with ordeals approaching, you had some rare moments of verbalized vulnerability, of him exasperatedly going over what ceruleans are supposed to be with the unspoken and mutual understanding of what he was actually like. The coolness that he projected could morph into coldness, him wrapping it around himself tighter than any armor the empire would give him. Put some distance between himself and his team. You couldn’t see him being casually cruel, but definitely keeping people away through attitude and fear of his caste. The band tightens. So does your throat.

He hates having people over him and likely would at that start. Probably would be trying to do well so that he could use his performance and caste to be given his own ship and team so he could get some breathing room away from his superiors. Just be another team that does their job without question or issue in order to keep the space around himself. You realize that at some point during this, you started hyperventilating. You consider doing the breathing exercises Konyyl taught you, but at this point, you were tired of trying to be okay about it. You wanted to let it out in some way or another. You wanted to feel.

You thought of you, your disappearance. How that would have impacted him probably trying to find you, keeping himself up more than usual, blaming himself and then being taken off world. The not knowing would upset him the most you think. Would he even want to see you? What if he mattered to you way more than you mattered to him and you just showing up makes things worse? Another pang of guilt hits you for making things harder for another person again and you taste metal. You grit your teeth and refocus. The whole picture might never actually be known to you, but this is likely as close as it gets. You see this in your minds’ eye, the assumed idea of a person who may or may not exist, based off of who they used to be. Was this accurate, would this even do anything? Your hands clench around the hem of your hood and you drop to your knees and your leggings scrape the wood on the floor of your hive, eyes still screwed shut with tears pricking at the corners, breathing quick and heavy, jaw locked.

You try again.

The bands snaps.

And your head hits a cold, metal floor.

#homestuck #hiveswap #friendsim #mspa reader #mallek adalov #hs mallek #mallek x reader #my writing

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homespork-review · 4 years

Text

Homespork Act 3: Insane Mindscrew Haymakers (Part 2)

CHEL: Rose finds a transportaliser platform in the centre of the lab.

FAILURE ARTIST: The sylladex misadventures come to something this time. Jasper’s corpse lands on the pad.

CHEL: The dead cat vanishes; Rose assumes it was vapourised but we know better, though we don’t see where it went. She finds an unlocked hub and plugs in, noticing another ominous countdown on the wall, with only three minutes left till the lab will be “UNESTABLISHED”.

Years in the future again, PM beheads the worm creature, which turns out to be a robot. The bunker landed on its side so PM stands on a pile of mailboxes to press the button, which causes more robot worms to emerge from beneath the bunker, pushing it upright, and a propeller to emerge from the top and carry it away.

Dave’s strife with Bro continues, getting more and more ridiculous and animesque, until Dave ends up plummeting down the stairwell. In a realistic work, this could quite easily break his neck, but here we just get some comical flailing and a SBaHJ IT KEEPS HAPPENING macro. Again, Dave looks more angry than afraid.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 8

FAILURE ARTIST: I think Hussie said the Bro slicing the Abscond box is symbolic of the trap of child abuse and shows this guardian fight isn’t like the others but it is still an animesque fight that ends with a fucking meme.

CHEL: Yeah, he seems to be expecting us to pick up on these details which don’t mean anything until he actually explains them, which would be fine and in fact clever if they didn’t conflict so strongly with what’s actually noticeably shown. If he wanted us to take it seriously, he’d have done better not to put the Abscond button there at all.

Rose finds, in the lab, a console showing SBurb sessions in the northeastern US where her home is located, monitoring the time to impact of their respective meteors. There is a large cluster of already-landed ones around her house, with a much, much bigger one centred directly on the lab, with an even bigger one centred on the house. She zooms out, and finds the second-biggest upcoming impact in the world is heading for Texas, while one bigger by an order of magnitude will later land in the middle of the Pacific. "Oh look, up in the sky/ It's a hole about the size of Texas..."

"Circus Contraption - Hot Potato" (Watch on YouTube)

Checking on John’s house, Rose finds it overrun by imps, the building shaking violently. Investigating this, she finds the ogre fight; John is at least getting a few blows in now, but they’re still not doing much good. Nannasprite is able to provide support with eye beams, but the ogres are still standing, and Rose’s attempt to drop a fridge on one is useless too. Nannasprite’s teleportation proves more useful, allowing John to take a flying leap out of a hovering oven to strike with greater force and allowing her to drop a full avalanche of household appliances on the ogre. With Rose’s assistance providing him a platform to bounce off again, John strikes the final blow on one ogre, exploding it into grist pieces bigger than himself, and Nannasprite and John occupy the other ogre until Rose drops the alchemiter on it.

FAILURE ARTIST: Seeing a fight like this not long after the Bro and Dave fight makes it hard for me to take the serious one seriously. John should be dead.

CHEL: John has a backup healer and Dave doesn’t, but yeah, cartoon physics prevail here.

Rose checks in, explaining that Dave’s not connected yet, but that she’s determined that activating the cruxtruder does not actually cause the meteor to strike. John levels up to BOY-SKYLARK and collects tons of grist and boondollars, although he still doesn’t know what those actually do.

You can't wait to find out what amazing items this new supply of grist will be just barely insufficient to produce.

Hehehe. We’ve all been there.

John sees that more grist fell down to the platform below, including one huge piece stuck in the hole leading into Dad’s room.

One of those big SOUR GRAPE ELECTRIC HOLOCAUST FRUIT GUSHERS is jammed in the hole in the platform. CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 9

Yes, because Holocaust references are a perfect way to describe candy flavours. Technically “holocaust” can refer to, I quote from dictionary.com, “a great or complete devastation or destruction, especially by fire”, and I’m guessing it’s a parody of all the flavour names with words like “explosion” in them, but, especially when it’s not obviously uncapitalised, that’s very much not what the immediate association of the term is!

FAILURE ARTIST: John asks Nanna why she doesn’t just throw him up to the gate and she says it’s important he build up himself. Though later we do see a character that just jumps up to the gate.

Then we switch to a mysterious castle all in purple. Dad is fighting some imps with shaving cream. A new yet somehow familiar character wearing harlequin clothes watches with disgust both Dad and John on strange window screens.

We cut away yet again to Peregrine Mendicant. PM is still stuck in the mobile station with a letter addressed to David Brinner. There was a real person who went by the alias Doctor Brinner on his Portland-area radio show where he played a mad scientist. Dr. David Brinner is also a comic Hussie made before Homestuck. I’ve never read it myself. I didn’t even know it existed until I googled David Brinner.

Anyway, PM refuses to open this letter and gives stirring speeches that sound like they come from a movie (Kevin Costner’s Postman?) but I don’t think they do.

BRIGHT: PM believes very strongly in the purpose of mail delivery as the bedrock of civilisation. It comes across as funny, but not as mocking.

FAILURE ARTIST: PM then turns to the terminal. Jade appears on a screen shrouded in green static. PM finds Jade familiar. Unfortunately, before PM can converse with Jade, the terminal explodes.

Cut back again to Rose in the lab. There’s lots of cutesy pink little girl stuff down there that Rose decides to ignore. Why is it down there? Did Mom expect Rose to live there one day?

CHEL: I thought it was supposed to signal that Mom was living down there herself.

FAILURE ARTIST: Anyway, Rose also finds a mutant cat.

We cut away again to John contemplating going into his father’s bedroom through a hole in the roof. He decides to do it.

Cut to a fireplace with a portrait of Jade above it. It looks similar to Nanna’s shrine, minus the urn. But Jade isn’t dead, is she? She scampers right into the room the next panel. She arms herself with a huge rifle and tries to sneak across the room. However, her Grandpa appears, shadowed by the huge fire that suddenly lit up in the fireplace. She tries to run away only to fall asleep.

We cut to Dave’s final round - or rather, Jade fighting her Grandpa. Who, in another surprise, is a taxidermed corpse.

She talks to him like he’s alive, though after it, she says he was easier to deal with when he was alive. This disturbing state of affairs is never treated seriously.

CHEL: This, more than anything else, is why we set up the ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY count. Horrible as Bro would be by any realistic standards, at least Dave’s guardian is obviously living and Dave is not merrily talking away to a dead person. We later find out that Jade was the one who taxidermied Grandpa, while she was barely more than a toddler. Not only was she actually able to do this to professional standards, at an age when she shouldn’t have been handling sharp objects at all, but she displays no trauma from it, nor from having had to raise herself. And yet we’re supposed to take Dave’s issues seriously, and to a much lesser extent Rose’s, with no real indication that they’re any different.

TIER: It's one thing when an author's intended depiction of “an abusive household” for the most part flies over people's heads due to the absurdity of the whole situation when it initially got presented, that happens sometimes! Especially when one factors in Bro's total screen time, how he generally ticks the boxes for “absurd but really cool” guy visually, and how late in the game this knowledge was spelled out. It all comes together to make the whole Strider situation kinda come out of left field to judge people for finding the absurd situation funny.

But when it's sitting right next to the arguably worse scenario (stuffed.dead.guardian.) and the latter pretty much never gets brought up while the former gets a big ol’ spotlight shining down on it, yeah that's what the folks call Fucking Weird and in my personal opinion, suspect Ò_Ó.

CHEL: While I can’t really state one way or the other at this point, I do think it’s worth considering a reason that has already been brought up by a non-Homestucker; in the scenarios we’re not supposed to take seriously, the children are girls. I doubt this was even slightly what Hussie intended, but it certainly explains a lot about the fandom’s reactions. The more likely scenario regarding the canon explanation is probably that the ones we’re not supposed to take seriously are not Hussie’s self-insert.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 9

BRIGHT: Not to mention, Jade grew up on an island in the middle of the ocean, physically isolated from any other people and with only an animal for company. There are known cases of children who grew up in similar circumstances in real life. Suffice to say, it generally does not end well.

You could argue that Jade is pretending her Grandpa is alive because she’s lonely and needs the company, but this is in no way implied by the text.

At any rate, Jade informs her grandfather that the rifle she has is perfectly adequate for killing things and she doesn’t need his oversized blunderbuss.

CHEL: To be strictly fair, we do later find out she had some contact with other people, but not in a way which I feel would be a substitute for having a living human parent in the “real” world.

FAILURE ARTIST: With Jade out the door, we go again to PM. They are fine except for some cartoon burn marks and a fire on their hood. The metal snake saves their precious mailbox.

BRIGHT: It earns PM’s affection for doing so.

Back at the lab, Rose utterly fails to ignore the four-eyed mutant kitten. She carries it over to a peculiar machine that turns out to be another Appearifier. This one is locked onto her cat, Jaspers, nine years ago. Not only was he alive, but the younger Rose was holding a psychotherapy session with him.

Rose attempts to appearify Jaspers, but since this would cause a time paradox, the machine leaves Jaspers in place and instead produces a ‘Paradox Clone’, which swiftly collapses into green slime. The machine next to the appearifier sucks up the paradox sludge, analyses its genetic sequence, and spits out another cat, rather more mutated than the last, in a process referred to as ‘Ectobiology’.

CHEL: John’s screen name, we remind you, is “ectoBiologist”, so it seems he heard of the concept somewhere, perhaps?

BRIGHT: On the appearifier’s screen, Jaspers reveals a stunning secret to young Rose, and is appearified to an unknown location before he can clarify anything. Two weeks later, his corpse reappeared. Oddly, the appearifier can’t see his whereabouts for the intervening period.

It can, however, see where his body went when it landed on the pad earlier! Rose appearifies the corpse and hightails it out of the lab, using the transportaliser to make her escape before the meteor can hit.

FAILURE ARTIST: If you click on the pink horseshoe that appears at the end of the Rose: Fast Forward To Now flash, there’s a little animation of Rose enjoying Maplehoof. I guess she’s making up for the loss of her precious Jaspers.

BRIGHT: We make a brief detour back to Jade, who’s searching for Becquerel. Two new things about Jade’s mysterious abilities: One, Becquerel is invisible to them. Two, this is unusual enough that it used to disturb her. Becquerel appears briefly in the background, and there’s clearly something strange about him…

CHEL: Additionally, it was clearly his face that was carved on the pumpkin we saw earlier, and he looks canine but it’s hard to make out details at this point...

BRIGHT: But before we can find out more, the comic jumps back to John.

Now in his Dad’s room, John is struck by an unwelcome discovery — there aren’t any clowns. Not on posters, no figurines. His father’s briefcase, rather than being full of the tools of a street performer, holds only boring papers and spreadsheets. In fact, the room is pretty boring...like his Dad is just a normal businessman?

"[S] John: Examine your dad's room." (Watch on YouTube)

FAILURE ARTIST: I wish more had been made of Bing “Douchebag” Crosby in this comic but that’s just me being an old movie nerd.

BRIGHT: While John attempts to recover from the BSOD this causes, his father breaks out of a jail cell armed with a safe. This is watched with displeasure by another black figure in brightly-coloured clothing, whose name is not Spades Slick. (He likes the ring of that, though.) No, he’s Archagent Jack Noir, and he oversees the affairs of a dark kingdom through three fenestrated walls.

CHEL: He usually has a fourth one but it got stolen.

FAILURE ARTIST: Those fingers typing the name Spades Slick are a suspicious color...

BRIGHT: He also despises the jester outfits everyone has been forced to wear, and refuses to don his comical hat until the Queen hijacks his fenestrated wall and orders him to wear it. The wall cuts back to Dad, who has now disarmed an especially burly-looking agent and is punching him in the head.

CHEL: Jack Noir makes mention of his carapace at this point; I don’t remember if his species is also referred to as “carapaces” in the comic but that’s the name the fandom knows them by. Guess we’ll see if they are as we go on.

BRIGHT: Meanwhile, John opens some birthday presents he found in his Dad’s room! He gets some Fruit Gushers, a very dapper suit, and best of all, an Array Fetch Modus, which lets him retrieve an item from any card in his deck! Of course, this would be too straightforward, so he combines it with his other Fetch Modii until he gets something properly inconvenient.

FAILURE ARTIST: How much do Modii cost and does everyone in this universe have one?

CHEL: The implication is tech like this is how Skaianet made its money, but since we never really see anyone who’s not involved somehow with the game, we don’t really get a good sense of the company being part of the world, so we don’t know. If I had to guess, though, I’d think getting the sylladex in the first place costs a big lump sum and then the various fetch modii cost much smaller amounts, sort of like apps on a phone or programs on a computer.

When prompted, John closely examines the Fruit Gushers box, this flavour being “MASSIVE TROPICAL BRAIN HEMORRHAGE”. Tasty…? John thinks so. However, in the corner of the box is a small, easily-missed logo…

THE HEINOUS BATTERWITCH HAS HER GNARLED CLAWS IN EVERYTHING.

After the destruction of his planet, the disappearance of his father, the appearance of his ghost grandma, and fighting numerous monsters, THIS is what finally sends John over the edge into a full-out meltdown, despite the onscreen caption declaring that THIS IS STUPID.

FAILURE ARTIST: I actually have a box of Fruit Gushers signed by Andrew Hussie.

CHEL: Back on the island, Jade, accompanied by dramatic music, attempts to retrieve a blue package from the ruins, but just as she reaches it, Becquerel appears between her and it, and we snap right back into STRIFE!

"[S] Jade: Retrieve package." (Watch on YouTube)

Becquerel, as we can now see clearly, is an enormous white dog, lacking facial features of any kind and emitting crackling green lightning - worthy of the description “devilbeast”, I think. Jade aims her rifle at his head and takes multiple shots, but none hit. The first heats up and melts into nothingness. When the second is fired Becquerel turns into green fire and next frame he and Jade are both riding on the now-enormous bullet which carries them across the lagoon to the other side of the island. Becquerel teleports the third bullet into space and himself and Jade to the top of the frog building, and he teleports himself out of the way of the fourth, the background flashing through several different locations. Finally, Jade shoots a bullet in the opposite direction with the instruction GO FETCH!, which Bec does, giving Jade time to grab the package. She rewards Bec for fetching with the irradiated steak and announces that he is a GOOD DOG, BEST FRIEND. After dancing around in celebration, she very abruptly falls asleep again, and Bec scoops her up on his back, takes her back to bed, and tucks her in.

FAILURE ARTIST: The music in Jade: Retrieve Package

is another replacement. Currently it’s An Unbreakable Union by Robert Blake but originally it was Mutiny by Bill Bolin. The original is very retro science fiction and the replacement is safari.

CHEL: For the record, real dogs are not horses and are not built to carry people like that, even very small children can damage a large dog’s back by riding it, but given Bec’s abilities, I don’t think that applies to him.

Rose comes out the other side of the transportaliser, she and the cat having both kept their atoms unmingled, and discovers she’s back in the house, in the room she thought was her mother’s bedroom. It seems the cutesy pink bed and stuff in the lab was in fact her mother’s bedroom, and this room is a well-stocked bar.

You decide not to be especially melodramatic about this revelation.

Good idea, Rose; there isn’t time, as the lab is promptly unestablished by a meteor, sending flaming debris flying through the window. The booze-filled room is especially endangered by this, so Rose decides to flee.

John punches some more cards and complains that he’s the one doing the work while Rose is just messing around on her computer, while Jade dreams and little red lights on her bedposts glow. A metal cabinet in the corner of her room has similar red lights on top, and it bursts open, revealing a Jade-shaped robot.

Sudden cut to a mysterious copy of Jade’s bedroom, except with pink walls, in which Jade stands, wearing a golden dress. Back in her real room, the DREAMBOT stands in the same position. The gold-clad Jade is, we find, a depiction of Jade in her dream. Dream Jade tries to get into bed, but complains of a heavy weight pressing down on her, as the robot is copying her actions and is now lying on top of the real sleeping Jade. Instead, she decides to fly, which of course she can do since it’s a dream (and the robot has jet propulsion).

The dream room also contains the blue package, addressed to “GG” from “GT”. This isn’t John’s current handle, but she knows it’s from John, and that she must deliver it to somewhere else without opening it.

Flashback to the previous winter. In a shot of John’s window, we see his calendar and the edges of some of his posters. The calendar is marked with smiley faces in party hats in green, red, and purple, marking Jade, Dave, and Rose’s birthdays, but more noticeably, there are creepy faces with jester hats and huge teeth scrawled on the wall and posters. I didn’t notice it until just now, but there are some purple lines on the arm of one of the poster characters which might just be part of a drawn-on clown outfit but from this vantage point look like self-harm scars. Brr. Ominous.

John at this point in time is going by “ghostyTrickster” on Pesterchum, hence the “GT” nametag on the package. He’s chatting to Jade about having sent off everyone’s birthday gifts, and how he hopes Jade’s will “help you solve those problems you’ve been having lately”. John is embarrassed to realise it will take much longer than he thought for the package to reach Jade’s island, but she assures him it will arrive “exactly when it needs to”.

BRIGHT: With the reveal of John’s previous handle, and from the characters in the Trollslum, we also get the theme of the handle initials being the letters of DNA. (GCAT.)

FAILURE ARTIST: Jade complains about “trolls” and we have the first time this beloved and perhaps overshadowing species is named. However, John calls the “trolls” the r-slur so that’s another point.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 10

CHEL: Also, the trolls are why he changed his handle, in an attempt to avoid them bothering him.

FAILURE ARTIST: We go back to current day. John is peeved at the graffiti on his posters. He thinks it’s the imps. However, we just saw it was there months before. What is going on, hmmm?

Rose decides to name the cat Vodka Mutini. She then talks with John. Rose wonders where Dave is and John figures that Bro is kicking his ass. Considering that this ass-kicking is later treated as serious abuse, this is a callous thing for a friend to say.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 10

CHEL: I’d also say that counts as HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING. There’s not much an internet friend can do about someone’s abusive situation on the other side of the country but they could at least support Dave and tell him to call the police, if it is supposed to be that bad. Or at least, you know, be worried. Then again, Dave might not have told them what the ass-kicking entails, but Rose knows about his brother’s websites, and given that we know Bro made at least one film in which Dave was involved and may or may not have been on camera, and the film certainly would show the state the apartment was in…

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 4

FAILURE ARTIST: Anyway, when John complains about his posters being defaced, Rose says they always looked that way. John naturally freaks out at this creepy revelation.

We cut to WV. They are trying to get down from the mobile station without sacrificing the MAYORAL SASH. While working the Appearifier, they get John’s present with an envelope addressed to “Mister Mayor”. After WV gets more cable, they rappel down the mobile station with the package under their arm.

Meanwhile, a figure in yellow caution tape watches WV through a sniper rifle. This is Aimless Renegade, a wonderful but forgotten character.

We go back to John and Rose. John discusses the mystery of the defaced posters while he futzes around with the Alchemiter. Rose thinks that John had blocked out the memory of defacing the posters and the revelation that his father isn’t who he thought he was unblocked his memory. She thinks maybe his father thought he was interested in clowns because John drew clowns everywhere. Yet John also wrote “LAME KID”? Maybe Dad should have taken John to therapy.

CHEL: “Lame kid” with arrows pointing down at his bed, to be exact, among other insults, and the clown faces don’t look like the product of someone who liked clowns at all!

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 11 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 5

Yet Dad Egbert is supposed to be the good parent of the group, so here we go with a new count:

RELATIONSHIP GOALS?: 1

This one’s primarily for romantic relationships, but other relationship fumbles apply too.

Rose thinks that the drawings are the result of John trying to express something subconscious, possibly a repressed past memory. John changes the subject to the upward building process; Rose complains that chimneys weren’t meant to bear such a weight, and considers switching to walls now they can get grist more easily, but she’s running out of time as the house proper is now on fire. John blames Dave, so I think we can assume that either they don’t know his brother forces him into swordfights or they don’t think it’s a problem. Which one is hard to determine.

FAILURE ARTIST: We cut to Jade playing a bass solo so advanced it doesn’t have a bass line. Another Bolin replacement. We find out Dream Jade is in a castle on a planet that’s a gold copy of the one Jack Noir and co are on. While flying around, she sees an inhabitant that looks familiar. CHEL: This is what I was referring to when I said Jade did have some contact with people; she is able to contact the carapaces in her dreams. However, the carapaces are, as we’ve seen from WV and company, somewhat childlike in behaviour, living in a society that’s nothing like Earth’s, biologically not the same as humans so they couldn’t easily advise her if she got ill or injured, and they don’t appear to be able or willing to speak, at least not most of the time and/or in a way the humans could understand, not to mention they would have no way to physically assist her in the waking world so she’d still have to raise herself from a very young age. Hence, why I don’t think they’re a substitute for an actual human parent.

#Homespork #homestuck #homestuck review #homestuck meta #homestuck reread #let's read homestuck #literary critique #sporking #Let's read

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softboywriting · 5 years

Text

P.S. I Like You | Shawn Mendes

Summary: Shawn is your neighbor, and mutual acquaintance through your roommate. You’ve had a massive crush on him for a while and one day you accidentally get his mail. It might just be the push you need to finally make a move.

Word Count: 2.7k

|Masterlist In Bio|

If someone were to ask you what your favorite Shawn Mendes song is, you would say Found You. It's not one anyone knows. Hell. You're not sure that's even the real name of the song, but it's what you call it. You hear it every few days, sometimes louder, sometimes softer but it's always that song. Sometimes he plays piano with it, sometimes guitar. It's sweet and what you've made out from the lyrics, it's about finding someone and they have no idea they're the one he thinks about all the time. You never made out all the lyrics because it's always a little muffled. But that's because you live next door and Shawn has no idea how loud he is, and you're not going to tell him.

About a year ago you moved into your best friend's apartment with her. Callie was gone a lot for work, being a journalist took her on lengthy trips to various countries, and she wanted someone to stay at her place and care for her cat Buggy. You needed a place and she charged you a small rental fee in exchange for living quarters, care of her cat and keeping the place clean. You had no idea when you moved in that Shawn was your neighbor.

It was weeks before Shawn was home after you initially moved in. You had woken up from a nap one day and heard music. It wasn't bad and it wasn't bothering you so you didn't want to trouble the neighbor by telling them to shut it down. But then it went on. Day after day, song after song. It was in that time that you realized who your neighbor was.

The first time you met Shawn he was coming out of his apartment, guitar in tow as he headed off to wherever. You were on your way to work and had run into him because Buggy ran out the door and you were frantically chasing after him. You smacked into him, toppling over him and his guitar while Buggy made for the elevator.

Half an hour later and you wrangled Buggy with Shawn's help. He was sneezing like crazy and you felt so guilty but he waved it off. As it would happen to be, Callie ended up actually knowing Shawn quite well, having worked with him a few times in the past. She had gotten her apartment because he recommended the building, it was a coincidence she ended up as his neighbor. So for the weeks that Callie was home, you got to go to parties and things where Shawn would be at as well. You sort of became a mutual acquaintances, the two of you always somehow finding each other at parties and bars that you went to with Callie.

You and Shawn always chatted during these encounters, and in the elevator when you came across each other, and sometimes just in the hall, but you never talked too long, and you were always way too blushy. You didn't have the balls to take the conversation farther, to ask him out or anything. You would like to. But you're a chicken shit and he's a multi platinum recording artist who could have anyone he wanted. Though you would never have known by his personality, and honestly you didn’t even care that much that he was famous. He was just as blushy and awkward as you were, and in fact he didn't seem to have much flirting game. He was the most normal guy you know.

Things didn't kick off until one evening you go and grab your mail and head upstairs, tired from working all day and ready to just relax. You're sorting through it, setting Callie's aside, and that's when you see it. An envelope from a clinic not too far from the apartment building, and it's addressed to Shawn Mendes. You sigh, knowing this day would come. You are going to have to take it over there and give it to him. This was going to be your moment, you were going to flirt with him. Yes. Today was the day.

Two knocks and a pause later and your heart is beating out of your chest as you wait for Shawn to answer. The lock clicks and you try your best not to flush as the door opens and you remember you're in your pajamas for the evening.

“Hey,” Shawn grins. “What's up?”

“I got some of your mail.” You hold up the envelope. “I figured since you're home I could just bring it over.”

“How'd you know I was home?”

“Ah,” your cheeks get hot. “I could...hear you?”

“Hear me?” Shawn turns scarlet from his cheeks to his ears. “I’m not sure what you mean by that. Like everything or...”

“No! Ohmygod no just when you sing. Sometimes I can hear you practicing and I heard you earlier.”

“Oh! I'm sorry. I thought this place was soundproof. I'm so sorry. I'm really annoying probably.” Shawn runs a hand through his hair and looks away, embarrassed. “I can stop being so loud.”

“Please don't? I actually like hearing you. Your voice is amazing and I really like all of the songs you sing. Ohmygod I can't stop talking. Here.” You shove the mail at him. “I should go.”

“Actually, funny story,” he chuckles, taking the mail and tossing it behind him onto a counter. “I have some of your mail in my box too. I was just going to put a note for the postman to change boxes but since you're here...”

“Should I follow you downstairs then?”

“Yeah, let me grab my box key hold on.” The door closes and you're left standing there, freaking out because what if he got the package you were expecting? You really hope not because that was a very private package. Very. Private.

You and Shawn head down to the mailroom and he opens his box and pulls out a stack of envelopes and a small rectangular box in a gray shipping bag. Your heart stops. That was definitely your package.

“I got this yesterday but I forgot to leave the note for the postman.” He hands you the package and you smile nervously. “You okay?”

“Yeah? I've been expecting this is all.” You try to relax and tell yourself it's no big deal. He has no idea that you have a vibrator in that package. If you don't stop being weird he will ask questions. Then you'll have to lie horribly and you just don't have the time for that.

“Ah I understand. Well, uh, now we've squared that away. What're you doing tonight?”

“What?”

Shawn crosses his arms and leans against the mailbox wall. It's a sad attempt to be cool and you can't help the giggle snort that comes out of you in response. “I was wondering what you're doing tonight?” he asks again.

“Nothing. Just uh...waiting for this.” You hold up the package.

“Do you wanna go do something or get a drink or something like that maybe?”

“Sure? I just need to change.” You look down at your sleep pants and tee.

Shawn pushes off the mailbox and he looks so satisfied with himself. “Of course no problem. Do you wanna meet up in the hall?”

“Yeah sure.”

The two of you go back upstairs, making plans to go to the bar down the street on the way up. You turn the knob of your door, package under your arm, and it doesn't click. You jiggle it. No luck. It's locked. You locked yourself out.

You drop your head against the door and you could just scream. You finally have the nerve to really talk to Shawn, to actually get drinks with him like a sort of date, and you have locked yourself out of your apartment. Not just that, but your roommate is halfway across the globe and can't exactly give you her key, and on top of that, you're holding a package with a vibrator in it.

You shuffle over to Shawn's door and knock. He opens fairly quickly, giving you a confused once over. “I locked myself out.”

“Oh. Shit. Well do you have a spare key with a friend? Or parent?”

“No, Callie has the other key. Can I use your phone to call the building owner?”

Shawn laughs and opens the door for you to come in. “Yeah, come in. I'll get it off the charger.” He disappears around the corner and you walk inside, his kitchen is right by the entry, counter stacked with mail. His apartment was very different than yours. A totally different lay out actually. You set your package on the counter by his other mail and look around the kitchen. Very modern. You would have taken Shawn for more cozy home type of guy. You look into the living room and it has a far more Shawn vibe. A little messy, big sofa, piano along the wall and a guitar leaned against the coffee table. Yeah. That was the cozy vibe you got from him.

“I pulled up the number for you.” Shawn hands over his phone as he walks out of a doorway to your right.

The phone rings and rings and you're not sure if anyone is going to answer. Finally the owner picks up. “This is Marty.” You give him your name and apartment number, explaining you've locked yourself out. He's quiet for a few seconds and then says, “Yeah I'm out of town until tomorrow morning. You got a friend you can stay with?”

“I really don't. There isn't anyway a janitor can get me a key?”

“No, I'm sorry. Can you book a hotel room? I'll pay for it if you give me the bill later.”

“Unfortunately I locked everything in the apartment. I don't even have my phone, I'm using another resident's phone to call right now.”

“You can hang out here,” Shawn says with a shrug.

“I- Marty? I'm going to stay at the neighbors, he said I can stay until you come with the key.”

“Alright. I'm very sorry for the inconvenience. I left town last minute for a family emergency and I didn't leave the master keys with the janitor. Thanks for understanding. I'll be there first thing tomorrow morning.”

“Okay. Thanks, bye.” You hand the phone over to Shawn and he pockets it. “Thanks.”

“No problem. We can hang out here if you don't want to go out in your pajamas.” Shawn turns and opens the fridge. “I don't have much to eat. I can always order in though. Did he say when he would get here?”

“Tomorrow morning?”

“Oh. Fuck, well I can get you a hotel room if you like. I don't mind. But you can still stay here, I can set the couch up if you want to sleep there. I just don't want it to be awkward or something.”

“No, I don't really care for hotels. I'll sleep on your couch if that's okay with you. I don't think it's too awkward, we're not total strangers.”

“Yeah, right.” He chuckles. “And that's totally fine, I'll grab some bedding for you and we can watch some movies or something?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

___________________

Three hours later and you find yourself curled against Shawn's side under a fluffy white blanket that he brought from his bedroom. The two of you decided to have a few drinks during the first movie while chatting about everything from music to family. It's the most you've ever spoken to him and you regret not having had the gall to do it sooner. He is amazing, so likeable and you have so much in common. Your little crush was definitely turning into a big one.

After the first movie you end up watching some made for Netflix horror flick and you're such a wuss that you scream at every jump scare, that and you're a little tipsy. You can't help it and Shawn doesn't seem to mind. In fact he just chuckles and let's you get closer. Eventually his arm is around you and the movie is ending. He doesn't move his arm as he picks the next movie, one you suggested, a romantic comedy called Leap Year.

You end up falling asleep half way through, tucked into his side. Alcohol always made you sleepy. He doesn't bother you, doesn't make you get up or anything. Eventually you feel him shift around, and you fall against the couch, head on the cushion. You think he is probably going to bed or something.

Suddenly the couch dips and his warm body aligns with your back, arm resting across your middle squishing you against the back of the the couch. You press back against him, craving the warmth, too tired worry about the intimacy of the situation. Clearly Shawn didn't care either, didn't mind the closeness.

Morning comes too quickly. Your head is pounding when you wake up to the bright sun peeking over the horizon through Shawn's big picture windows. He is still pressed again you, soft snores filling the otherwise silent room. It's strange, how comfortable it feels to be sleeping with him like this, so in tune with each other, a deep feeling of trust and safety.

You slide out of his hold, carefully crawl over his body and head to the bathroom. You take a look at yourself in the vanity and you look like hell. Hair a mess, couch wrinkle lines on your face. You can't wait to get home and shower and change clothes.

As if on cue, you hear Shawn's phone ringing in the bedroom. You wash up and go check it out, sure enough the screen has Marty's number on it. He must be at your door. You go out of the bedroom and head for the front door, glancing at Shawn who has rolled onto his stomach in the spot where you had been laying.

You open Shawn's door to find Marty standing in front of yours with his phone to his ear. He hangs up when he sees you and let's you in, apologizing again for not being able to let you in last night. Honestly you want to thank him, because if he had, you never would have spent a whole night watching movies and talking and drinking with Shawn. It was sort of the nudge you needed.

The first thing you do is take a shower and get yourself cleaned up. You feed Buggy afterwards since he starts hollering for his breakfast, he was such a baby sometimes if you were a little late to feed him. It's when you're finishing getting dressed that you hear a knock at the door and you know it's Shawn.

“Yes?” You ask as you open the door to find a sleepy disheveled Shawn before you. He is holding your package up for you.

“You left.” He says sleepily. It was as if he had just woken up and couldn't find you. “And you forgot your...thing.”

You take the package and toss it behind you on the couch. You know he knows what it is, sort of. You maybe let it slip last night during the first movie after your second drink when you said you dodged that bullet, in reference to the character in the movie having to get an embarrassing package from their neighbor. “Thanks for bringing that over...”

He yawns and nods as he rubs his neck. “Can we...I mean, can I make you breakfast?”

You smile, biting your lip. He was already offering you breakfast? He had to have just as big of crush on you as you did on him. “Breakfast huh?”

“Yeah? Is that too much? I just...I really like you.”

“No, I’d love it.” Shawn's face lights up. “Let me finish up and I'll be right over.” The door starts to close and you open it real quick, Shawn turning to look at you. “Wait, I really like you too by the way. Just so you know.”

He just grins sleepily and says, “Yeah I know.” And that's how you ended up with Shawn after a year of skirting around what could have been.

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sunflowerstrays · 6 years

Text

we’ll make it work // kim yugyeom au // pt 1

anon requested this:

thanks for requesting! sorry it took so much explaining, i’m pretty dumb xD

kim yugyeom (hybrid dog) x reader.

words: 2.1k.

genre: fluff.

part 1 / 3

---

“Are you all this arrogant?” You mutter under your breath, looking at the golden retriever hybrid in front of you. He lays across your couch, meaning that you’ll either be subject to the floor, the kitchen chairs, or a different room. His golden hair falls across his face as he laughs quietly, but still doesn’t budge for you. If your parents had not insisted on you getting a hybrid to live with you for fears you’d die alone after college, you would not be living with this problem.

And that is exactly what Yugyeom was - a golden retriever at heart, meaning he was very excitable and liked to make a mess. Sure, he wouldn’t eat your Converse by the door and there were no puddles of urine anywhere, but he had slept in the spare room last night, and had taken everything off of the walls. All of the polaroid photos of you and your friends from college, any of your awards from school or work, everything was subject to the floor.

This also included the blankets - apparently he enjoyed sleeping in cold temperatures - and the cushions - apparently anything soft under his head was a no no. Yet, as his golden hair and little ears spill over the cushions in your living room that your mother bought you, you just want to smother him with one.

“You should’ve picked Bambam then. He was always better at being a lapdog than me,” Yugyeom says tiredly, purposefully stretching out his neverending legs and smiling at me.

“I didn’t want a lapdog,” you reply with a huff, “I wanted to live alone. A nice small apartment on the outside of the city where I could easily travel to and from work, where I wouldn’t have to worry about sitting down in my own home.”

“Then why did you pick me?” Yugyeom asks, sitting up and folding himself inwards. You thought he was shy, quiet and reserved when you approached him about being a roommate. Your mother had made you pick him because she said he’d be a friendly face you’d need. Yet here he was, grating on your last nerve, and you wasn’t sure how much longer you’d deal with it.

“I don’t know,” you lie, knowing why he had stood out to you amongst all of the other roommate adverts out there. It was probably his photo and character description that had stolen your heart; his photo had been a selfie of him with the Snapchat dog filter on, only the dog filter was poorly aligned with his actual puppy ears, flopping around on his head constantly. The sparkle in his eyes had suggested to you that he was a colourful, creative and happy character, friendly and approachable. His character description simply consisted of, ‘I often get as excited as a puppy.’ and that was enough to make you call him.

But boy did you regret all of that now.

You give up eventually, retiring to the kitchen to work on some paperwork for your new job. You’d been there about a month and already felt like you were drowning in the amount of paperwork you was receiving; you worked in a publishing company, but only at the bottom tier, meaning that you’d read any transcripts that came through, then decided whether they were ready to be handed to someone proper to read. It meant that you were reading hundreds of thousands of words, thoughts and images a day, and had little or no time left for all the paperwork.

Yugyeom notices that you are working now, and somewhat graciously turns down the television, leaving you to work in near silence. As you scribble away with the pen, Yugyeom turns his attention away from the television to what you are writing. But one warning stare from you has him sinking back into his spot on the sofa.

Eventually though he grows really bored of the television and can’t help himself but walk into the kitchen. Whether he can sense the dregs of annoyance still remaining on you, or knows enough about humans that pushing too many of their buttons tends to make them explode, Yugyeom knows to keep his distance.

One of the rules in the house were that you didn’t mind Yugyeom helping himself to food as long as he didn’t eat everything in your fridge, and that if he was making food, he was never wasteful with it. That annoys you more than almost anything and you think you’d kick if he did so.

But he makes himself a bowl of rice before asking if you’d like any. You can tell, by the sorry look in his eyes, that it’s a form of a peace treaty, so whilst you aren’t hungry and supposed to be meeting your friend Jackson later for a meal, you take a bowl anyway, having small spoonfuls whilst you write. Yugyeom finishes his bowl watching you, stood as far away as possible. His long figure practically fills your small kitchen, but his presence there is almost calming in a way. So instead of rejecting him you just take small spoonfuls of the rice, accepting it and him as much as you can.

After he finishes he washes up his bowl, and you can tell from the way his tail hands behind him that he’s sad. You chew your lip, wanting to say something to make him feel better but not sure what. The two of you haven’t have the best start, and you sometimes wish that you could start again - just like you were when you moved out of your home to one alone, Yugyeom is probably feeling the same. Once you get past the ears, tail and need to sleep almost anywhere, he’s still human; sure there is a few changes in his DNA and he has a habit of going mad whenever the postman arrives, but he’s just like you.

“Hey, Yugyeom,” you say to his back, putting down your pen and smiling, “I’m going out for a meal tonight, but how do you feel about us maybe going to see something at the cinema tomorrow? Or bowling perhaps? I think we could both do with getting out of the house for a while.”

His tail rockets into the sky before he even turns around, and when he does he knocks the bottle of washing up liquid into the sink. You flinch as the bubbles form whilst he fishes it out, and sigh at the now bottle, but Yugyeom’s apologetic eyes and excited features makes it worth it.

“I would love that, Y/N,” he says with a grin, putting the bottle in the recycling and smiling, “where are you going for a meal?”

And suddenly, just like that, an easy conversation starts between you and him. Sure, you are still angry from the other night and how stubborn he can be, but as he takes a seat opposite you and chats with you whilst you work, you can feel that beginning to melt away.

He tells you all about where he grew up, and what it was like being a baby hybrid. That once he was past the age of twelve no one found him as adorable anymore, so that’s when he began spending much more time with Bambam and Youngjae. He also tells you about his friends as well; Bambam was like him, a dog hybrid, but resembled more of a cat in his behaviour. He slept a lot, had a tendency to be loud but also liked to be alone as and when needed. Youngjae on the other hand was probably the most puppy dog hybrid you’d ever meet; always smiling, always happy, had a golden laugh and was just beautiful in every way possible.

In return you offer information about yourself; only the basics, because it still feels weird, but you tell him about as a child you always wanted to be an author, you were an only child, your parents were very focused on your studies, and without a sibling, you were very alone as a child. Now you are working exactly where you want to be, even if your parents don’t exactly respect your choices.

Eventually you have to leave him, packing up your work to go get ready to meet Jackson. As you shut the door to your bedroom and file away the finished work, you hear the television turn on again; clearly Yugyeom likes his television shows. As you change from jeans and a jumper into a dress and sandals, you also hear what sounds like singing from the other room.

Creaking open the door, you see Yugyeom dancing along to a popular song on the radio. Only his body moves in a manner you didn’t think possible, all his limbs working perfectly in time with each other. You shut the door quietly, shocked at his hidden talents.

Yugyeom doesn’t deserve to be locked up in a house. He ought to be on stage.

---

“Jackson, do you still dance at that dance studio?” You ask, putting your cutlery back on your plate and resting your elbows on the table. Jackson looks up from his drink, shaking his head.

“No, I’m at a new place with some friends. How come? You want to join?” He asks, running his fingers through his hair now. “Jaebum and I moved because his friend - Mark - said they needed some new teachers as well as members. There are a few spaces left if you were interested.”

“It’s not for me,” you say, before explaining Yugyeom. He’d been briefly mentioned before - Jackson’s roommate, Jinyoung, was a cat hybrid, rarely at home but hard to live with at first. You explain how you’d seen him dancing and figured if you could bring him along to one of Jackson’s dance sessions, he might feel a little more at home.

“We’ve got a class on tomorrow night. Street dance at about eight o’clock, if he’s interested he can come and watch. I’ll text Mark and Jaebum tonight - I think Mark is bringing a friend anyway.”

“Wonderful, thank you so much Jackson!” you grin, leaning back so the waitress can take your food back. Jackson insists on paying the bill for you both seeing as you did last time when he forgot his wallet, and eventually you have to give into his puppy-like smile. He walks you back to the bus stop and waits with you until your bus arrives, being the gentleman he always is.

“I’ll see you at the studio tomorrow at eight, yeah?” Jackson asks as your bus comes into view. You nod with a smile and hug him briefly before stepping on to your bus. You watch him walk the other way to his house as you sit down, and text your mum a goodnight like she makes you do everyday.

The bus ride back is long and you nearly fall asleep until the bus comes to a halt suddenly outside your house, and you stumble off as if you were drunk. Getting into the apartment block is a chore but once you are inside, you kick off the sandals and sigh as the soft carpet touches your feet.

Ready for bed, you barely notice that Yugyeom has fallen asleep on the couch, phone in hand and television still playing. Usually you’d be mad for him leaving the television on, but instead you just place his phone on the table, turn off all the devices and cover him with a blanket, knowing full well that it will probably be on the floor tomorrow morning but not minding anyway.

As you pull the blanket up his shoulders, your hand brushes one of his soft ears, and your heart melts a little at the sight in front of you; he looks so soft and small that you would happily cuddle up with him to sleep. Instead you just switch off the lights, close all the windows and walk into your bedroom to sleep, with thoughts consumed by the sleeping boy in your living room.

---

hope you enjoyed! sorry it took a while to begin as well~

requests are open <3

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ac-ars · 6 years

Text

bribe me with the cats

because a kitten father has very tiring job

day 3: “Listen, I really don’t like you, but you have kittens, so I’m going to be over a lot.”

plot? what plot?

🌙

bribe me with the cats

Needless to say, Luna is done.

At first, when he moved here, it was nice. He came here with some cookies to say hi and get to know some neighbors. Luna liked him back then, because he seemed chill. Just a student who decided to find a place by himself, away from parents, and from what Luna found out, his best friend decided to leave to England, so Matteo decided to get some smaller apartment.

And first few days were nice; they were telling each other good morning and goodnight if by accident met on the hallway, but then some problems started, and she can’t say that she likes him anymore.

Weeks after he moved here, it appeared that he has more than one (1) friend who went to England, because boy, oh boy, the parties were loud. No matter which day of the week, he was always playing music too loud, shielding himself whenever she went to tell him to fucking turn it down, that it’s his friend making it louder.

Luna just hated that, she still does, because lies aren’t any acceptable while this boy keeps lying until today.

The other problem is that apparently before he moved here, he had apartment with the same number, which Luna lives under now, because all post, all boxes, all packs that are addressed to him, have her number and she despises it with her whole being. There is no month when she wouldn’t get something for Matteo Balsano and she hates it, even if he always comes to pick it up with cookies, or cake, or whatever. Yes, she takes it from him giving him his post, but it’s tiring, and annoying, and nerve-wrecking that adult man can’t remember his own address.

Recently he gave up on organizing parties or hang outs with his friend, just to do it somewhere else and come back home for after in ungodly hours, mostly not alone as well and Luna can just hate him. She doesn’t hear anything when she is sleeping obviously, but if she is studying at the time, she can notice every sound outside her apartment, plus she is pretty paranoid about living alone and being attacked or mugged or robber or whatever that would do any harm to her.

🌙

It’s the prettiest day so far, Luna went to uni just to find out about her grades from recent finals, she passed them all, some very well, some barely, but she did, this is what counts. She visited her parents and they had very nice dinner, her mom prepared her favorite and there is nothing better for Luna than an afternoon with her parents and food, and now she is ready to chill whole evening with netflix. Maybe she will make Pedro come over and bring her some take out or trash food as he always does and yes, it will be amazing day.

She keeps humming softly as she gets into the elevator and presses the button with her floor, still hearing the song in the earphones. She searches for the keys in her purse when someone bumps into her, and she ends up dropping her bag. Luna sighs and curses trying to gather everything.

“Miss, do you by accident live in 43?” She hears the man ask and Luna growls, because that was about her nice day.

“Yes. Yes I do. Why?” the brunette asks, fully knowing what will be the answer. The man hums and searches in his bag. “I have this for you.”

It’s a small box, with very visibly written Matteo Balsano, but then under it there is her very number 43 and Luna is the most ready to kick him in the ankle.

“Thank you very much,” she says, managing to smile and the man nods before leaving. Luna sighs dramatically and lets him go while she goes to her apartment to leave her purse there. She almost throws it on the shelf, the same with jacket and takes the small box with herself as she leaves her place.

The apartment two numbers away from hers looks almost normal if not the fact that Luna’s hair will get grey before the guy learns. She knocks to the door probably harder than she should, but she has no patience anymore. She is very aware of the fact that it’s just a little thing, just a box on top of tens of other boxes she already received instead of him, but she is tired and this is too much for her, because at this point she is almost sure he is doing it on purpose.

He opens the door while looking behind, he looks like a small mess actually; he doesn’t have any shirt and fancy pants, wearing only a grey tshirt and sweats. That’s something really new and Luna isn’t sure if he already became alcoholic or he is still on his way there.

“Yes?” he asks and yawns a little, covering his mouth with his hand. Then he sees her. “Luna?”

She rolls her eyes. “That’s me, how you managed to notice.”

Matteo frowns a little and sighs. “What brings you here? Did something happen?” She actually giggles at his confused face and wonders if she just woke him up or else. “No, I just got this.” She takes her hand with the box towards him so he can take it, but he is somehow slow today and reaches for it two or three seconds too late.

“What is that?” he asks and Luna snorts. “How would I know really? It’s your box despite the fact that I keep getting your post always.” She says a little more harsh than expected and then feels something walking on her feet.

Her eyes go down immediately and she sees big, big eyes staring at her and then she hears small tiny meow. It’s a kitten. A kitten from Matteo’s apartment and Luna is more surprised than she has been since he moved in here.

She picks up the kitten, it meows at her again and she smiles scratching its tiny ear. Matteo sighs and then they hear another meow.

“You have kittens?” she asks, fully knowing the answer, but she needs to ask to make it somehow more real, because this whole situation is ridiculous.

Matteo nods at her and turns to his back picking up two another tiny fluffballs and Luna just giggles. “So you are a cat dad now? Wow, from party trasher you went to kittensitter.”

He pouts about that a little while kissing one kitten head and Luna sighs, letting him talk. “I am a cat dad, because my mom is a vet and one shelter she works with got emergency kittens, and I had free place and time to take them.”

She has no idea what to say at this moment actually, since he seems so tired in this very moment, but scratches the kitty head so softly and she isn’t sure how to act right now.

“Do you need help with them or something?” she asks instead of adding another comment and he seems genuinely shook. “Why would you help me with them if picking a post for me is such an life obstacle for you?” he asks and kisses kitten nose when it meows needing something. Luna guesses that this was teasing, or so she hopes, because now she wants to play with kittens, and she is willing to bring him post every day as long as he will let her kiss fluffballs like she is doing right now with one of them.

“It’s not that-” She starts but he cuts with small smile. “I know it’s that kittens are nice babies but I am bad Matteo.”

Luna sighs, kinda panicking because trashing this boy in her mind is fine and completely comfortable, but when he is in front of her a little messy since he has baby cats here and takes care of them, and he talks like she very doesn’t like him, she feels bad and wants him to stop thinking that bad, and ugh her conscience here.

“I’m just angry, because you do this on purpose, Matteo.” She decides it will be better to tell him just now and not make him feel worse.

He looks at her seriously confused for a moment, until one of the kittens he is holding hits him on the face. “Am I really doing this on purpose? Are you sure of this?”

“Honestly now I’m sure of nothing, but I wanna play with the babies while you need a nap or full night sleep so I’m here to save you despite the fact you let me know name of every postman around, that’s how often I see them.”

Matteo chuckles and just stares at her, probably thinking carefully about that. He eventually nods and moves aside so the brunette can get inside. “Just please watch out. They tiny messes and they can run under your foot every second.”

She giggles and kisses the light kitty paw as she looks around. “And how many of them do you have?”

“Six.”

Luna gasps taking her eyes to him. “Six? From one litter?” She waits for him to confirm or something, and he eventually nods, shocking her completely. “Now I’m not surprised that you look like shit.”

He pouts a little and nudges her foot with his, it’s probably supposed to be a slight kick. “I don’t look like shit. I look like a father on duty, okay?”

🌙

He actually is a hell of a father when she is watching him during the afternoon. He is playing with part of them when they aren’t sniffing Luna because she is a new thing in the apartment of course, and when it’s feeding time he prepares bottle for every baby and then takes time to feed each one. And when the baby is eating with its paws on Matteo’s fingers he is petting it softly and telling how great job the baby is doing. Every kitten gets a kiss on the head and goes to the playpen to stay with its siblings in baby cuddle pile.

Honestly, Luna is super impressed with how soft the guy can be, and notices that he hasn’t really been any loud for some time already, he wasn’t really seen as this tired, but he became quiet and she probably overreacted a little.

She actually takes one of the kittens to her lap while it’s, well, she is sleeping, because Matteo said that this is kitten girl. The tiny small orange blob is curled in the blanket while having her baby tongue out and twitching from time to time, like kittens tend to (this also said Matteo). The brunette is petting the kitten from time to time and the owner of this apartment seems to be done with kitties, so he falls to the couch next to Luna and closes his eyes with a sigh.

“You are really good father. If I were a kitten I would definitely try to be your favorite child,” Luna says with small teasing smile. Matteo chuckles quietly to not wake up the ginger kitten on her lap. “I’m happy to hear that. Apparently I’m better cat dad than a neighbor.”

She blushes hearing this, because she is gonna feel bad again. “Can we just please forget about bad things? We have baby kittens here, right?”

He sighs heavily and actually leans his head against her thigh. “Yes and they have me dying recently. But if you are here and you like them I’m going to use you as a help in raising them.”

Luna rolls her eyes. “You will have to pay me with cookies and cake tho.”

Matteo opens his eyes and looks at her from under his lashes. “I can make other kinds of food so we will see if you are good for them.”

She pouts slightly and pokes him on the cheek. “Matteo could you stop writing my number of apartment in your shipping address, please?”

He sighs and yawns a little. “Yes but you are gonna go out with me finally. And it can be very soon if a date for you works as sitting on the couch, watching movies and petting fluffballs.”

“Can it be today?”she asks as the baby stirs in her sleep. Matteo shakes his head and Luna can only giggle. “Why not?”

“Because I want to remember our first date or whatever it will be. Now I’m half asleep.”

“Okay, then sleep. If there comes any post to you, who will pick it up, though?”

He growls and she is sure that if his eyes were open, he would roll them. “Please be quiet.”

She lets him fall asleep, the kittens are asleep all, including the orange blob on her lap and Luna wonders when he will let her take this baby to her place.

“Luna?” he mumbles softly, not opening the eyes. She hums questioning, so he can continue. “Can you check if baby Boots is in the playpen?”

The brunette snorts again, making him pout, but says that yes, yes, and looks at playpen seeing all 5 babies curled up together. “Baby Boots is with her four siblings and cuddling of course.”

“And where is Cassie then?” he asks kinda surprised. Luna sighs. “I have Cassie You gave me Cassie and now she is mine by the way.”

“But I am her dad, she can’t be yours,” Matteo murmurs and she knows he is kinda offended that she already wants to take one of his children away. He takes deep breath eventually. “You can be her mom actually. And you need to be nice to me, because kids should have healthy and peaceful environment to live. Remember this.”

Luna likes kittens.

But she doesn’t like him. Yet.

#soy luna #lutteo #lutteoficweek #my writing

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kasumi-chou · 6 years

Text

Surprise Visitor (Part One)

“Yurochka.”

Yuuri sighed as he stared at the lump of blankets on Yuri’s bed from the doorway.

“No,” a small voice mumbled from the lump.

“Yurochka,” he said again as he moved towards the bed, “It’s time to get up.”

“Don’t wanna,” Yuri stated as he took a seat on the edge of the bed.

“It’s Friday, we can go do something tomorrow?” he tried.

“I want Vicchan,” Yuri mumbled from under the blankets, causing him to sigh softly.

It had barely been two weeks since Victor left but it felt much longer.

The Grand Prix series had started and Victor had been drawn to skate in the first and third qualifying competition. After much discussion, they had decided that between the two competitions that Victor would stay with his coach and team mates – a decision that hadn’t gone down well with Yuri.

They had made sure to sit down and watch the first competition where Victor unsurprisingly won gold. But Yuri’s excitement over Victor’s gold was short lived when he realised that Victor wouldn’t be back for another few weeks.

“Vicchan is skating,” he reminded the boy, earning a huff in response.

“No,” Yuri insisted.

He sat there a moment before letting out a deep sigh.

“Who is going to feed Potya then?” he questioned, hoping that the mention of his cat would raise the boy from bed.

He didn’t want to physically get the boy from bed, not that he couldn’t but more because he didn’t want to force Yuri if he could help it.

If worse came to worse, he’d try and get a hold of Victor to help him coax the boy from his bed.

He moved towards the door, smiling when he spotted Makkachin and Potya waiting for him in the doorway.

“FINE!” Yuri shouted suddenly, startling him with the sudden shout. He turned back to the bed to see Yuri sitting up in bed, a pout of his lips.

“Come on,” he prompted, holding his hand out for the boy.

Yuri slowly slipped from the bed and stomped over to him, the pout never leaving his lips even when he grabbed his hand.

“I don’t know why we couldn’t go with Vicchan,” Yuri mumbled while walking with him down to the kitchen.

“Because you have school,” he reminded Yuri.

“School is stupid,” Yuri stated, causing him to sigh.

“I have work,” he tried. Yuri was silent for a moment before turning to look up at him.

“But you dance, papa, you can dance anywhere,” the boy pointed out.

“Who would look after Potya and Makkachin?” he tried, really clutching at straws.

“Potya and Makka can come with,” Yuri stated simply.

“Potya can’t come yet with us though, she doesn’t have all her shots,” he pointed out.

The conversation seemed to come to a halt as they finally got to the kitchen, both Makkachin and Potya hurried towards the fridge, clearly waiting for their breakfast.

“Vicchan shouldn’t go away,” Yuri suddenly announced while letting go of his hand and moving to the fridge.

“Don’t you want Vicchan to skate?” he questioned as he moved to collect the pet bowls as Yuri got out the pet meat.

Ever since they got Potya, they had assigned pet breakfast duty to Yuri. It was the only chore that Yuri didn’t complain about.

He set the bowls on the bench as Yuri opened his mouth to reply, only for them both to pause as the doorbell went off.

He blinked at the sound before frowning, he wasn’t expecting anyone and it was a little too early for it to be the postman or any delivery service.

“Finish giving the pets breakfast, okay?” he ordered while moving towards the front door.

He came to a halt in front of the solid wooden door before carefully opening the door an inch to see who it was, he blinked at the sight that greeted him, causing him to open the door more and blink at the person standing in front of him.

“Phichit?”

Yuuri didn’t exactly have a chance to ask Phichit what he was doing here because almost as soon as the name escaped his lips, Yuri had appeared out of nowhere and all but tackled Phichit in excitement.

He had dragged the pair inside after a few moments of hugging – he wasn’t going to let Yuri freeze to death in the morning in his adorable but thin pyjamas.

After dragging Yuri and Phichit inside, he sent Yuri to finish feeding the pets before leading into the kitchen and began breakfast for Yuri, himself and their surprise guest.

“Yuuri~” Phichit sung as he handed over a mug of steaming coffee to the Thai skater.

“Yes, Phichit?” he questioned, biting back a smile as he turned back to breakfast.

“How are you surviving without Victor?” Phichit questioned, catching him by surprise. He let out a sigh as he continued to cook the simple breakfast of eggs and toast.

“Okay,” he admitted.

“Only okay?” Phichit questioned.

“Yeah,” he sighed with a nod of his head.

Since moving in Victor, they had barely spent any time apart and the last week and a bit had really made him realise just how much he relied on Victor.

He now had to pick Yuri up for school, shop for both breakfast and dinner, and do all the chores by himself. It was all rather exhausting and multiple times he found himself debating it eating was worth giving up the time he could be using for something else.

“Victor wouldn’t stop whining about you,” Phichit admitted.

“Huh?” he questioned while turning to look at the man. It took him much longer than it should have for him to remember that Phichit had also drawn to skate at the first qualifier, having won silver right below Victor.

Phichit was also a friend of Victor, he really shouldn’t be surprised that Victor spent some time with him during the competition.

“Did-did-did Vicchan, uh, talk about I?” Yuri questioned in his broken English. He bit back a smile at the boy’s attempt to string a sentence together. He turned around and after a moment of searching he spotted the blond with his head in the fridge, hopefully putting away the pet food that hadn’t been used.

“Of course,” Phichit all but laughed with a nod of his head, “He wouldn’t stop talking about you.”

He smiled softly while translating for the boy, earning an excited giggle from the boy as he carefully plated up the eggs onto three plates and handed one to Phichit and set a second one down beside him knowing that it wouldn’t take Yuri long to sit down beside Phichit.

“Juice, Yurochka?” he questioned, earning a hum of agreement as he joined Phichit at the counter, taking the seat he expected the boy to sit at.

“By the way, am I good to crash here?” Phichit piped up, causing him to pause and turn towards the Thai skater.

“Of course,” he replied, “What are you doing in Russia though?”

His confusion must have been noticeable because Yuri let out a huff that caught his attention.

“Yes?” he questioned Yuri.

“Papa, Phichit is skating in Moscow next,” Yuri pointed out while pointing to Phichit who must have figured out the topic of their Russian, because he continued to smile while glancing between them.

“Ah, right,” he mumbled softly.

“I have permission to train at the rink here until my competition, my coach and I both thought it was a good idea to get use to Russia and the time zones early,” Phichit explained. He nodded his head before taking his plate and walking it around the counter to take the last seat at the bench. It was a little too convenient that Phichit was suddenly staying in Russia when his competition wasn’t for another month.

“And Victor was worried about us,” he spoke up. Phichit seemed to pause at his comment before shrugging weakly in response.

“Something like that,” Phichit replied while flashing him an innocent smile. He let out a sigh and shook his head.

His fiancé was really something else.

“Russian is so weird,” Phichit declared while following him through the supermarket.

It had been a challenge to get Yuri to school, but Phichit easily managed to persuade Yuri despite his minimal understanding of English – though he was pretty sure that Phichit promised to take Yuri skating while he was here, skating almost always worked when it came to bribing the boy.

“What do you mean?” he questioned. He never realised how refreshing it was to have a conversation in English. After spending so many years in Russia, he missed speaking English and of course, Japanese.

But all three languages were very different and complicated in their own way.

“Their alphabet is so strange, I mean, what is this symbol?”

Yuuri turned to Phichit and chuckled when he saw Phichit pointing at a Ф Cyrillic on a sign, “It's basically an F,” he explained with a shrug.

“It looked like an eye,” Phichit mumbled, “Are we sure their alphabet wasn’t created by aliens?”

Yuuri let out a chuckle and shook his head as he paused to go through a pile of potatoes, “I’m not really sure, but I don’t think it was created by aliens.”

“If you aren’t sure, it could be though!” Phichit declared, not even seeming bothered by the look he was being given from some of the other people in the store.

“Is your coach seriously okay with you being in Russia?” he questioned curiously, causing Phichit to let out a loud sigh.

“Are you saying you don’t want me here?” Phichit asked him with a whine.

“I never said that!” Yuuri huffed while turning to his companion and lowering his voice, “The house is quieter without Victor.”

“You miss him,” Phichit sung while nudging his shoulder. He rolled his eyes and held his hand up in the skater’s face.

“It’s not like I’m engaged to him or anything,” he huffed.

“Ohhhhhh, flashing the ring now?” Phichit teased. He turned away from the skater and continued on his way.

“Wait, Yuuri!” Phichit called out. It didn’t take long for Phichit to catch up to him and lock their arms together casually, “Don’t leave me alone.”

“Stop distracting me, I need to do shopping,” he said with a roll of his eyes.

“Yes sir,” Phichit said, saluting him dramatically.

He let out a sigh, he know understand why Victor and Phichit got along so well.

Skater Next Door AU

AO3 Skater Next Door / Skater In Training

#yoi #yuri on ice #yuuri katsuki #yuri plisetsky #victor nikiforov #yurio plisetsky #phichit chulanont #skater next door au #victuuri

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general-du-vallon · 6 years

Text

for @canadiangarrison. I don’t know that I like it yet so I’m not posting it on AO3 and linking it to the Harry Potter au lololol

Porthos is sure this is the address. It’s weird though, not what he expected. Then again, what had he expected? Some kind of tower, maybe, or a spindly skinny house, or something drab, or maybe a house with a tartan pattern. Instead it’s a farm. He’s apparated into a field. There is mud. He looks across at Athos, who’s managed to apparate onto the driveway, and picks his way over, rifling his pockets for the little bit of paper he was given after much charming and begging and cajoling and wheedling. When he climbs over the stile Athos raises an eyebrow at Porthos’s muddy shoes so Porthos spells them irritably cleaner to keep the mockery at bay. It doesn’t help: Athos squints into the field. He finds the scrap of paper and examines it, examines the house, and nods.

“This is it,” he says.

“Am I going with you? She’ll be madder the more of us there are,” Athos says.

“You mean she’ll be mad at you too if you go and if you don’t she won’t be,” Porthos says.

“That too. I’ll wait here,” Athos says, perching on the stile and pulling out a book. “You couldn’t do a warming charm, could you?”

“No,” Porthos says, making for the house. He does, though, because he’s a pushover. Athos giggles as the warm air gets into all his ticklish spots.

Scotland looks like any other middle of nowhere, Porthos thinks, looking around him. Except not, because here is a little house dug in to a hillside and Scotland as far as the eye can see is less neat patchwork fields and more slightly terrifying wildness. Porthos can follow the driveway to a lane and then a road, and there are patchwork fields, and far, far away another far, and closer some more buildings. He’s startled by a dog. She surely doesn’t have a dog. It shows very little interest in Porthos, merely glaring and moving out of his path to lie in the lee of the house, with another dog. Sheepdogs, maybe. Working dogs, probably. Porthos is relieved to find an old fashioned rope bell-pull, that at least is in-keeping. He gives it a cheerful tug and stuffs his hands into his pockets. He put on robes for this but they are robes with pockets. Good pockets. He’s happy about his pockets. The doors opens.

“Vallon,” professor McGonagall says, mouth a thin line or irritation.

“Um, yeah,” Porthos says, suddenly thinking this is a very very bad idea she probably has all sorts of reasons for not giving out her address. He scratches the back of his neck.

“Well you’d best come inside,” she says, opening the door wider.

He does, politely removing his shoes and cloak, standing holding both under McGonagall’s scrutiny. She’s wearing a black dress and tartan shawl and her hair is only loosely tugged up into a bun. She looks relaxed. Even casual. She makes a sharp sound and indicates another door. He pushes it open and finds a small room lined with coat hooks, a sink at the ends, wellies everywhere. He hangs up his cloak with the other cloaks and stares in consternation at the muggle coats. There’s a very old ratty Gryffindor scarf and hat, and a red pair of wellies with a badly drawn lion peeling off.

“Well?” McGonagall says, so he comes out.

She closes the door, it has a heavy metal latch, old fashioned. That too is in-keeping. She leads him down the hallway, down three stone steps, and into a big, open kitchen. It’s warm, there’s an Aga and the floor is flagged stone but they’re warm stone - Porthos senses magic in the flags. The light is soft, from side lamps at the far end where there’s an area of overstuffed furniture, beyond a big wood table. There’s a kettle on the hob and as they walk in it whistles, lifting itself off and filling a tea pot with floats down the room to the soft furnishings and a coffee table where there are two pink mugs, fine bone-china, a beautiful sugar blue sugar bowl that matches, a blue milk-jug which doesn’t. There’s a cat curled up in the window, and another comes over to purr and wind itself around Porthos’s legs.

“Not the postman?” Comes a voice from the armchair with a high back, a broad Scottish accent turning the vowels unfamiliar, the chair facing away making the owner of the voice invisible until she stands up and looks over.

She’s small, a little bent, with copious amounts of thick dark grey hair. Her face is lined and sun-beaten, she looks strong. She’s smiling warmly. She’s holding knitting. She gives McGonagall a look and McGonagall gives an exasperated one in return and the woman looks Porthos over once before bursting into a peel of laughter.

“You’re Porthos Vallon,” she says, sounding amused. “Excellent! How ever did you find us? Come, sit. Minerva, get another mug for our guests, and ginger biscuits. I like ginger biscuits, don’t you, Porthos?”

“Not really,” Porthos admits, going over to take the hand she’s holding out, knitting stowed under her arm. She takes his in both hers and smiles up at him, face full of laughter.

“Minerva has lots of complaints about you, it sounds like you liven things up to me though. Then again, I chose to work with nothing but cows and sheep, go weeks without seeing another human. Much the better life, in my opinion,” she says.

“Oh,” Porthos says. “This is your land?”

“Yep. I bought the place in 1969 and I’ve been looking after this earth ever since. Minerva says that makes me an honorary witch,” she says.

“You have me at a disadvantage,” Porthos says. His hand is still held in hers. It’s warm and he finds himself smiling, he adds his other hand to their little knot. “I don’t know your name.”

“That’s right,” she says, grinning widely, eyes sparking with mischief and a certain slyness creeping into her expression. “And you don’t know why Minerva lives here, either.”

“If the two of you would let go of one another so we might sit down?” Mcgonagall says, stiffly, finally coming over.

They both do and Porthos perches on the sofa, not looking away from this new woman. She sits back in her chair with a serene, smug look and goes back to her knitting. Porthos is sure he’s not getting an introduction. Minerva clears her throat and Porthos draws his gaze reluctantly away, helping himself to tea and slumping back in the comfy sofa.

“Thought I’d better find you, before term began,” Porthos says.

“I already reinstated you all as teachers,” Minerva says.

“Yeah,” Porthos says, and clears his throat. “That’s what I thought I’d better see you about.”

“If you tell me you’re not coming back afterall I’ll make you plough the blasted back field by hand without magic, with the plough we’ve bloody well kept from the 18th bloody century,” Minerva says, glaring across at the other woman, who knits on ignoring the look. A third cat comes in, a younger one, and bats at the ball of wool as it twitches.

“No, no, I’m looking forward to teaching again,” Porthos says. “And the others are too, we all missed it believe it or not.”

“Spit it out, Vallon, before I lose what little patience I have for this visit.”

“I dunno what to say,” Porthos admits, sitting up and looking into his teacup. He quite wants one of the ginger biscuits now. It would be something to do with his hands. Minerva lets out a long breath and then softens.

“How about you begin at the beginning?” she says.

“Yeah ok. I went to hunt ice dragons, a bit of adventure, live a bit of life. I thought maybe I’d get a taste for it, maybe I’d… I’ve always thought that stuff in the past might’ve been holding me back, that I was being safe, and yeah, I was a bit. I liked the adventure, I might do more of that in the future. Hands on transfiguration was fun, and I liked thinking on my feet, and I really used my skills.”

“It’s not what you expected?” Minerva asks.

“No, not that. Though, not really what I expected. Since we’ve been back, Aramis has been working on his past stuff, and… I’ve got to thinking, and I want more,” Porthos says, softly. “Seeing everyone in Diagon Alley with their families, and seeing my family around me, I love them all to bits don’t get me wrong but I want more. I want a baby.”

Minerva is silent. Porthos risks looking at her. She’s staring at him in complete shock. Which, fair enough, it’s not a desire he’s ever really made clear to anyone, even himself. Usually when it comes up he’ll cite his age, and Athos’s age, and their complicated situation with Aramis though really it’s very simple and only complicated by idiotic social convention. He lifts his chin defiantly. Just because he’s never been able to choose ‘yes’ to ‘do you want children’ doesn’t mean that ‘no’ was an actual decision. Minerva looks back at him, shock clearing.

“And? What am I to do about this?” she asks.

“We’re gonna adopt. We’re gonna need testimonies are stuff, I wanted to ask you,” Porthos says. “And I’m going to do the first few months of parenting so I’ll need time off,” he ducks his head to hide his smile. “Paternity leave. And then Aramis is probably gonna quit because he quite likes the idea of being a stay at home Dad, but not at once because he loves babies an awful lot but is worried he’s not good enough at it so we’re gonna ease him in and wait until he’s confident. I’m babbling. I’m excited about this.”

“I would be happy to write you as many testimonials you require,” Minerva says. “I will help you start a family, if that’s what you want.”

“I want it,” Porthos says. “I didn’t know how much until I admitted to myself that maybe it’s possible after all. My aunt is gonna help us too, and Aramis’s brother, and d’Artagnan and Constance have both agreed to write letters for us. We found a service that sets up private arrangements, they’re sort of specialists for matching people in different life situations.”

When he looks up again Minerva is looking not at him but at the woman, who’s still knitting but has the softest, sappiest, most affectionate smile on her face. Minerva tsks and gets up abruptly, going to fetch a biscuit tin. She offers Porthos one which isn’t ginger then shows him out. He doesn’t get a name but he knows perfectly well now why it is Minerva lives here. He turns, out on the steps, the dogs still there ignoring him.

“I’m glad you’re happy afterall,” Porthos says. “I always thought you lost someone and just stopped looking.”

“I did,” Minerva says. Then gives him the fiercest look he’s ever received from her: he steps back and raises a hand. “I was hardly ‘looking’. She tried to sell me a pig.”

Porthos does not laugh. Minerva nods and closes the door with great dignity. He really wants to ask for a name, but he can’t bring himself to. The door opens again.

“I didn’t buy the pig,” Minerva clarifies. “So she married me instead.”

Then the door snaps shut and doesn’t open again. Porthos heads back down the path to the gate and out onto the driveway, back to the stile. Athos hops down and throws his arms around Porthos, kissing his cheek, then links their arms and sets them walking. Porthos doesn’t question it, just lets Athos meander for a while, liking having him close.

“She said yes,” Athos says.

“She said yes,” Porthos agrees. “She’s married, to a muggle.”

“Really?” Athos says.

“I’m not to tell anyone,” Porthos says, guilty. Athos sniffs. Porthos blushes a bit. They walk in silence.

“I think she’s known you long enough to know how long that will last,” Athos says, eventually, amusement seeping into his words.

“Maybe. I got no name,” Porthos says, chagrined. Athos does laugh, at that. “What?”

“Porthos, that farm is called Gaw’s Farm, there’s a sign, and the post-box says Elspeth Gaw on it,” Athos says. “And Gaw’s Farm is written on the top of your little bit of paper, along with Elspeth House. There must be other addresses on the farm.”

“She named her house after herself,” Porthos says. “That’s not an obvious thing.”

“No,” Athos agrees. “But it’s also on the post box, and also Professor McGonagall has mentioned an Elspeth, I thought she was a friend they were going for drinks or something.”

“Ok ok,” Porthos says. “Are we ever going to disapparate?”

“I’m side-alonging you, no more fields.”

“You’re horrible,” Porthos grumbles.

He takes Athos’s hand, though, and they twist on the spot, vanishing, leaving nothing but the fields and the empty track and evening drawing in.

#fic #mine #harry potter au #porthos

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redhatmeg · 7 years

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RedHatMeg’s Guide on Gyro Gearloose Part 2 - Uncle Scrooge comics

And our adventure through stories with our favorite inventor continues with Uncle Scrooge comics.

Brace yourselfs, these are products of their time so they’re sometimes a bit racist. So I apologize in adance.

Now there is a lot of Gyro Gearloose comics that are featured also in previously covered by me Walt Disney’s Comics and Stories. I’m including them here, because these might be first editions of said comics. And so we have:

- The Seven Cities of Cibola

- The Cat Box (first appearance of Little Helper.)

- Forcasting Follies

- Fishing Mystery

- The Sure-Fire Gold Finder

- Roscoe the Robot

- Gyro Goes for a Dip

- The Wishing Well

- Krankenstein Gyro

- Invetors’ Contest

- Oodles of Oomph

- Fishy Warden

- You Can’t Win

- Fast away Castaway

- Duckburg’s Day of Peril

- The Great Pop Up

- Finny Fan

- Posthasty Postman

- Snow Duster

- A Helper’s Helping Hand

- Man versus Machine

- The Know-It-All Machine

- The Hopeless Helper

- Mighty but Miserable

Now onto the stories I didn’t covered. We start with Uncle Scrooge series that start in 1953 and ended in 2011. Just like in Walt Disney’s Comics and Stories Gyro is both starring in his own stories and in stories of other characters.

- Gyro Builds a Better House (Gyro is tasked to build a house with soft walls.)

- Getting Thor (Crows aren’t scared of Gyro’s scarecrow so he decides to invent a better one.)

- The House on Cyclone Hill (A small cyclone attacks Gyro while he’s doing rsearch on cyclones.)

- The Firefly Tracker (Gyro has to create a special invention to present on Inventors’ Congress. Fireflies in his yard give him an idea.)

- War Paint (A movie director asks Gyro to make as realistic war paint as possible. Gyro uses actual ingrediens for war paint and soon the cast start to act weird.)

- That Small Feeling (Gyro is visited by a witchdoctor who shrinks him and says he will turn him back to original size when Gyro fixes his magic doll.)

- Wily Rival (While waiting at the patent office, Gyro is intrigued by a fellow inventor and his mysterious invention.)

- Madcap Inventors (Gyro gets a book How to get along with your enemies. He has an opportunity to put it to use, because a rivaling inventor moved in and gets on Gyro’s nerves.)

- Getting His Wires Crossed (Gyro is a terrible dancer so he invents a machine that will help him dance better.)

- Something to Crow About (Grandma Duck has problems with crows eating her berries, so she asks Gyro for help. His solution: a dome over the berries.)

- The Fizzle that Drizzled (Duckburg needs to conserve water. Gyro makes a machnine that creates clouds, but it goes down because the weatherman made a mistake while informing Gyro about atmospheric pressure.)

- Day of Delayed Action (Gyro disables his alarm clock to spend more time on thinking about inventions and wakes up three months later.)

- Jonah Gyro (Angry fishermen make Gyro throw away his fish-baiting toy salmon. It comes back with school of salmons and a whale.)

- Lost and Found (Gyro finds a lost puppy at his doorstep. After bringing it to its mistress, he makes her a special dog whistle that can be heard only by her pappy.)

- Once Upon a Time Machine (Convinced that he can’t invent anything new Gyro goes back to the Stone Age to interest cavemen in his inventions.)

- The Portable Pier (Gyro takes Daisy on picnic on the island and presents his new invention: a portable pier which is part of his boat. Unfortunately other campers use the pier too and tie their boats to it.)

- Homemade Robot (Gyro wishes to have a roommate, but most Duckburgians aren’t on his intellectual level. Therefore he makes a robot that woudl be a perfect conversation partner.)

- The Arty Smarty (Inspried by Duckburg First Annual Outdoor Art Exhibit, Gyro tries his brains in painting.)

- Scientific Sleuth (Gyro becomes a private detective who uses inventions to slove crimes. With his assistent, Gus Goose, he tries to solve a case of missing garden statue.)

- Bubble Trouble (During cold winters Gyro stays in his bubble simulating tropical climate. Soon his neighbors want to get inside the bubble as well.)

- Instant Camping (Gyro tests his instant campinbg set.)

- Mind over Mustard (Gyro tries to solve the problem of squirting out from his hot dog.)

- The Two-Legged Mailbox (To avoid leaving experiments to check the post, Gyro creates Posty, a walking mailbox. Unfortunately, it gets bored easily.)

- The Drippy Diamonds (Gyro invents a fast why to make diamonds. Soon there’s big demand on it among Duckburg elite, but Gyro finds out his jewelery is melting over certain time.)

- The Runaway Walking Stick (Gyro’s newest invention - a literal walking stick - runs away. Gyro needs to chase after it.)

- The Rude Awakening (Tired of his alarm clock, Gyro sets to invent better way to be awakened in the morning. He makes an automatic rooster that runs away.)

- The Evil Inventor (Emil Eagle, the evil invetor, tries to steal Gyro’s blueprints and inventoions... This is the first appearance of Gyro’s archenemy, Emil Eagle.)

- Weather Wizard (Gyro’s newest invention is a weather machine. Lots of Duckburgians order rain in specific places. Unfortunately it spirals out of Gyro’s control.)

- Super Scientist (A lab accident makes Gyro superlight and now he can jumb really high. He uses these powers to become a superhero.)

- The Hypno-Clock (Gyro uses his newest invention, the hypno-clock, to hypnotize himself into being professor Steinbirg, the world’s wisest genius. However, thanks to TV commercial he gets hypnotized into buying Seafoam Bubble Bath soap,)

- Flipping His Trapp (Gyro makes special mosquito-slapping machine. It causes havoc.)

- Ye Olde Hoppin’ Chair (Since he tends to fall asleep on rocking chair, while reading, Gyro makes hopping chair that would keep him awake. Unfortunately he falls asleep again and the chair takes him on the ride.)

- Metal-Meltin’ Mob (Beagle Boys trick Gyro into making a metal melting machine. They plan to use it during another Money Bin robbery attempt.)

- Once Upon a Hammock (Gyro sets his mind it invent a better hammock.)

- Battle of Marathon (To get an ancient Greek coin, Scrooge and Gyro go to the times of Battle of Marathon. It so happens that nephews come with them by accident.)

- Luck in the Lab (Gyro asks Gladstone Gander to be his lab assistant in hopes he wil share the duck’s good luck.)

- The Sculptinker (Emil Eagle sees Gyro delivering big package to the art show. It’s a new sculpture invention, Gyro’s entry on the art contest, and Emil decides to sabotage it.)

- The Instant Raincoat (Gyro create an instant raincoat and goes to raincoat producer in hopes he will interest him in his newest invention. Unfortunately he comes there right in the middle of robbery.)

- Sandwich Automaton (To not waste time on making lunch, Gyro builds a special machine that can make sandwishes.)

- New Planet Planner (Gyro’s friend - an astronomer, Peeka-Boo Pegeon - discovers new planet. He tells Gyro that space lab directors will choose a design for a rocket that will be send on said planet.)

- Operation Implosion (Tires of picking up litter of his yard, Gyro makes implosion bomb - a bomb that draws litter to itself.)

- Roving Rug (Gyro makes a rug that cleans itself. Curious Emil Eagle breaks in to his lab.)

- The Golden Apples (Gyro’s newest invention is Fantasy Finder - a vehicle that can transport people into the land of fairy tales. Scrooge uses it, but doesn’t return so Gyro goes after him.)

- Trouble to Spare (Mad Madam Mim forces Gyro to build a beautifying machine, so she can win beauty contest.)

- Tubby Hero (To make himself more popular amongst his neighbors, who have old and slow car, Gyro decides to turn his old tub into a modernized car.)

- The Upsy-Daisy-Pack (Gyro invents a backpack that elevates him over paddles. In the meantime Emil Eagle makes his own paddle-leaping invention that will help him in his criminal career.)

- Capnapper’s Surprise (Emil Eagle’s latest evil plan is to steal Gyro’s Thinking Cap that helps Gearloose come up with brilliant ideas Emil succeeds)

- Invented Vacation (Gyro tries to balance Daisy, Donald’s nephews and Grandma Duck demends on certain weather conditions. After long day he decides to go on vacation with Little Helper.)

- Brain Waves (It turns out that the hovering car Gyro built for a customer was used in the bank robbery. To see people’s true intentions Gyro invents a cap that makes him hear thoughts of others.)

- Rain, Rain, Go Away! (Gyro tries to invent a rainmaking machine based on the melody and rhythm of rain dance.)

- The Burglar Bagger (Gyro lures Beagle Boys to his house to test his newest anti-burglar invention.)

- The Super Swatter (Gyro makes Scrooge a fly swatter machine. But Scrooge pushes a wrong button and the machine becomes a people swatter.)

- The Cantankerous Mailbox (Gyro’s walking mailbox is malfunctioning, so Gyro gives him a pticher update.)

- The Clean-Up Crew (Gyro modifies toy robots to clean his workshop. But he doesn’t give them a stopping mechanism so they go astray.)

- The Bird Call (There’s Annual Junior Woodchuck Bird Count. Gyro gives Huey, Dewey and Louie a special bird whistle to attract rarer birds. He sets it to wrong frequancy and attracts animals from the zoo.)

- The Hijacked Mail (Feeling sorry for Gyro not getting any new mail, his walking mailbox starts to steal mail from other people.)

- Santa’s Unexpected Visit (Scrooge McDuck can’t finish his letter to Santa, because he doesn’t remember any good deed he did this year. So he asks Grandma Duck, his head doctor and Gyro Gearloose to help him remember anything.)

- Outdoor Thinking (Gyro’s doctor tells him to go outside more fro the sake of the inventor’s mental health. But Gyro soon finds out outdoors can be dangerous.)

- Inventor of Anything (To prevent his neighbor’s goat to coming on his yard, Gyro build a special wall. Unfortunately, it appears that part of it stands on said neighbor’s lot and now Gyro needs to reomve the wall even though he has an invention to make.)

- The Convention (It’s an Annual Beagle Boys Convention time and one of the cousin Inventor-174 has an ingenius plan to get into Scrooge’s Money Bin. Scrooge enlist help of Gyro Gearloose to figure out the workings of said plan and solution for it.)

- The Treasure Trek (An escaping spaceman gives Scrooge a celestial treasure map. Scrooge takes Gyro’s rocket to find it, while his nephews are guarding his empire.)

- Modern Mania (Frustrated with the cost of everything, Scrooge asks Gyro to modernize his life with robotics.)

- The Inner-Earth Adventure (Dreaming of space travel, Scrooge asks Gyro to make a rocket. When they are going to test it, something goes wrong and they end up inside Earth, where Togs tribe is terrorized by Krogs.)

- The Super Marble (An odd ball falls out from Gyro’s Doughnut Shop track and gets into Beagle Brats’ hands.)

- Trapped Lightning (Mickay’s nephews see Gyro trap lightning. Gyro set up a power plant to powet whole Duckburg.)

- The Copycat Caper (On Uncle Scrooge’s demand Gyro makes him his own walking mailbox. However, he warns the rich duck that the mailbox canj copy someone else’s behavior. Beagle Boys use it to their advantage.)

- The Wreck of a Merry Lark (With Gyro’s Sea-Scope Scrooge sets himslef to find the sunken wreck of “Merry Lark”.)

- Marooned in Space (Scrooge and Gyro hear the distress call from Space Van which was bombarded by meteors. The aliens run away, abandoning their cargo and Scrooge decides to go into space and take it.)

- Trip to Tootum-Too (While searching the ruins of ancient city of Tootum-Too, Scrooge and Gyro accidentally turn back in time right in the moment when king of Tootum-Too emerged victorious from battle with Toogs. The stolen idol of Toogs’ god captures Scrooge attention and the duck notices something suspcious.)

- The Magnetic Curse (Scrooge is cursed - his money is running away from him and going to another hands. The only one who seems to have a solution for that problem is Gyro.)

- The Double Diamond (Scrooge finds a double diamond in his mine. It attracts the attention of Magica de Spell.)

- The Space Game (Scrooge transported his Money Bin into space for safety purposes, but misses swimming in his money. So Gyro makes him a special video game that would let him control the position of his space money bin. Unfortunately Beagle Boys hack into it and so the struggle for Money Bin begins.)

- The Atom-Mover (Scrooge is displeased with the amount of money his armored cars. He stumbles upon Gyro who presents him his newest invention - a small box that can instantly transport matter from one place to another.)

- Minute Waltz in Minor Key (A tuba player asks Gyro to find what stuck inside. Gyro uses shrinking ray to find out.)

- A Sticky Situation (Scrooge accidentally falls down his trap doors and he has no key. Gyro gives him his newly invented glue so Scrooge can climb up the trap door vent.)

- The Trouble of Doubles (Scrooge is tires of constantly telling “no” to people coming to him for money. Gyro builds him a lookalike who can do it for him. Unfortunately there is a small problem...)

- Nobody’s Business (To instill business spirit in Donald and Gladstone, Scrooge gives each of them a thousand dollars so they can invest it and make a profit. Donald first tries to interest some fast food chain owner but makes mistake and settles for investing in an invention.)

- Fun? What’s That? (Doctor tells Gyro and Scrooge to relax and have some fun. Pity they both are workoholics.)

- The Riminder Hat (Gyro builds a reminder hat for Scrooge - a hat that receives messages reminding Scrooge about his appointments. Everything is complicates when Donald (inititially talking to triplets) accidently tells his uncle to buy carrots.)

- The Generocity Ray (To protect Scrooge’s Money Bin Gyro instals a ray that makes extremely generous everyone who walks through the billionaire’s threshold. Unfortunately Scrooge is hit by it too.)

- A Tilling Tale (Scrooge has problems with moles. Gyro has a solution.)

- Brainy Days (Donald ruins uncle Scrooge’s meeting with investors and is assigned to keep pegeos off the roof. He goes to Gyro for help and learns that he invented a smart serum lately. Donald takes the serum in hopes it will make him successful.)

- The Buck Sticks Here (Scrooge’s Money Bin is so full the walls are cracking, so he sends for Gyro, who has a special adhesive to fix the cracks. To clear away some cash, Scrooge takes it to the bank and recieves special Million Dollar Bill.)

- The McDuck Foundation (Scrooge builds a foundation and employs his nephews and Gyro to work there.)

- Power Failure (Gyro builds a backpack that stores energy during work that can be used later. Scrooge tests it on Donald.)

- The Only Way To Go (Donlad goes into Gyro’s newest invention - a vehicle that allows to instant travel. He gets lost in South America so Gyro and Scrooge go to find him.)

- Money Ocean (/this is a two-parter about Scrooge deciding to build a new, bigger money bin and how the money suddenly starts to act like an actual ocean.)

- Quiz Fizzle (Gyro puts his new supercomputer to a test.)

- Odd Offspring (Gyro’s jetpack crashes in the mountains.)

- Formula X (Producers of famous Sweetybubbles soda ask Gyro to make a new flavor to compete with Sweetybubbles’ rival, Guzzlepop. By accident Gyro creates a flavor that becomes an instant hit. Unfortunately Emil Eagle works for Guzzlepop.)

- Skate Late (A university in which Gyro is teaching, requires from his faculty to publish at least one paper per term. So Gyro decides to do a research on how skate riding can help save time during rush hours.)

- The Hot Seat (Gyro builds heated benches for park visitors.)

- Who Needs People (Scrooge fires all his staff and asks Gyro to fully automatize his mansion.)

- E.A.T. (It’s a Birthday of Duckburg’s founder, Cornelius Coot, and the tradition says that one of Duckburg’s celebrities has to open their houses for visitors. This year is Scrooge’s turn. In the meantime, Gyro brings a metal-eating alien from his space adventure. Said alien gets kidnapped by Beagle Boys.)

- A short, untitled story about Scrooge breaking his cane and coming to Gyro for help.

- Solar Shenanigans (Beagle Boys see Gyro taking a giant, golden orb to their home and decide to follow him. The orb is meant to serve as a sun in Gyro’s automaitc solar system model but what will happen when Beagles try to steal it?)

- The Moving Money Bin (Uncle Scrooge acts strange lately - he sells his Money Bin and hires new security direct. Donald and nephews decide to investigate.)

- The Bee Or Not To Bee (Donald questions Gyro about his new hoppy: bees.)

- The Case of the Gold Bars (Beagle Boys overhear Gyro talking with president of the bank about the inventor making golden bars, and they decided to steal them. There is only one problem: Gyro’s bars are strangely heavy.)

- Super-Beagles (In need for modern equipment, Beagle Boys go to Gyro Gearloose. They steali his Thinking Cap and become criminal masterminds.)

- After-Thought (Gyro checks his new autmoatic umbrella.)

- The Scary Scarecrow (Gyro spends vacation on Grandma Duck’s farm, when it turns out that the old scarecrow doesn’t serve its purpose. So Gyro makes a special robot to scare the crows.)

- The Plane Truth (Uncle Scrooge presents to his nepews a new flying bus made by Gyro, but once they leave the workshop, they see the bus going off. Suspcious, they go after it and soon learn that the inventor has been kidnapped.)

- Money to Burn (Uncle Scrooge refuses to pay additional fifty cents on his bill, so electricity doesn’t work in his mansion. He thinks that il lumps are as good as electric ones. He also uses Gyro’s invention that generates power from wind. Fire department has some objections.)

- A Sticky Story (Gyro creates a new way of manufacturing jam - just add water to his jam pawder! Donald is tasked to be a lone employee in Scrooge’s jam factory.)

- Cold Duck (Scrooge’s technologically advanced satelite dropped out of orbit and crashed into Antarctica. Now Scrooge, Donald, nephews and Gyro go on the expedition and find a curious surprise.)

Uncle Scrooge #313 is a special issue for our favorite inventor. There is no Gyro there, but it has a reprint of The Fnatastic River Race, which was the first comic with Ratchet Gearloose.

Now let’s go back to Gyro:

- Little Gyro in Quarkland (Tired of living in rude Duckburg, Gyro shrinks himself and Little Helper to explore the world of quarks.)

- Rain-Dance Reversal (It’s raining outside but Gyro needs a sunny day to introduce his invention on The Merry Loafers Annual Picnic and prove his skeptic neighor wrong about uselessness of his inventions. Gyro decides to invent a dry dance.)

- Perilous Pets (Gyro wishes he had a pet and so he builds one.)

- The Big Break-In (The Money Bin can’t be opened and Gyro’s expertise is that door is out of line with the frame due to weight of money pushing on them. Now Scrooge has to remove some of the money to unstuck the door but the Bin’s door is made of special metal that gets harder with age. And so Scrooge lures Beagle Boys to open his Money Bin.)

- Shortcut to Sparklers (Daisy spots a diamond ring she want, but Donald have no money for it. Gyro gives him a diamond-making machine.)

- The Utter Limits (Scrooge, Donald, nephews and Gyro are in space to find an asteroid suitable to be a new Money Bin. They encounter a new alien race.)

- Everything Green (Gyro tossed a failed fertilizer into his trashcan and accidently creates a plant monster. The monster can also make plants grow instantly.)

- The Coin (A chain of events makes one of Scrooge’s coins go from hand to hand throughout the Duckburg. The rich duck wants it back for sentimental values.)

- Junk Funk (Gyro tries to resist the phone solicitor to not subscribe to another magazine.)

Now here’s something very special: Gyro’s First Invention. This is story by Don Rose was written to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Gyro’s creation and tells an origin of both Gyro Gearloose and Little Helper. Donald and nephews reminescent on how Gyro started his inventing career with helping Scrooge McDuck get his Money Bin from the pit it ended up during the events of A Christmas For Shocktown. And everything began when Donald brought to Gyro’s newly inherited workshop a broken lump and accidentally dropped it on the Thinking Box.

Continuing with short stories:

- Tip-Top Topiary (Gyro’s newest invention is a mechanical hedge trimmer that scans pictures and trims topiary into shapes on the picture. It becomes very successful so Gyro finds he need to make more bushes.)

- The Inventing Invention (Donald has a problem with unscrewing the ketchup bottle so he goes to Gyro for help. It some happens that the inventor has an existencial crisis because of his newest invention.)

- The Missing Millionaire (Gyro talks with Scrooge McDuck about some sensitive matters and purposely makes himself forget about it. The next day he learns the millionaire is missing and the inventor is suspected to kidnap him.)

- The Bedeviled Dime (To protect Old Number One from Magica de Spell, Gyro makes anti-magic magnification ray. But it proves unstable and makes Number One Dime change sizes constantly.)

- The Guniea Pig (Gyro gets into a fight with his long time assistant, Donald and they bet if Donald can make his own inventions.)

- Prophets, Go Home (Gyro stumbles upon fortune-telling machine in the mall and decides to invent his own, more accurate one. He tests it on the mall customers and soon finds out not everyone is happy to know their future.)

- Crazy Inventions (Gyro leaves Donald to guard his workshop. Donald realizes Gyro’s inventions can be wild.)

- The Quest for Kalevala (Scrooge finds out that he’s in possesion of fragment of Kalevala, an epic poem from Finninsh folklore. The poem was talking about a magical grinding mill producing eternal prosperity so Scrooge goes on a trip to find it.)

- The Old, Old Fishing Hole (Gyro rpesents to Donald his newest invention: a belt that transports its weared in time. Looking for luck in fisihing, Donald goes back in time to find out if he will catch better fish in prehistoric times.)

- The Joke Factory (Scrooge hired Gyro into his joke factory to invent better practical jokes.)

- A Day at the Office (To not waste time traveling to the international meetings, Scrooge takes Gyro’s swapping pills that make people who swallow them appear in place they want to be. Unfortunately Beagle Boys want to use them too.)

- Same Old Stuff (Gyro makes a contact with Gizmo Flashpan, inventor from outther space. It turns out that all Gyro’s inventions are common place on Gizmo’s planet, and all Gizmo’s inventions are common on Earth. The two inventors decide to compete on who will invent something completely new to both races.)

- Beagle Brain (During robbing Gyro’s workshop, Beagle Boys accidently activate an evo-ray whixh zaps one of them. The zapped Beagle Boy becomes a criminal mastermind and comes to the inventor for more evo-rays.)

- The Hardware Hardener (Scrooge decides that Launchpad have to provide his own airplanes. The pilot buys the cheapest airplane and crashes it into gyro’s workshop. Gyro gives Launchpad a hardening soldifier.)

- Jumbled Ducks (It turns out the Money Bin is filled to capasity and can’t take any more money. Scrooge goes to gyro for help anf the inventor gives him his matter compact that makes matter smaller.)

- The Customer is Always Wrong (Gyro and Donald get into argument over Donald never lsitening to Gyro’s instructions and they decide to go apart. But soon Gyro realizes he needs Donald to test his more wacky inventions.)

- Gyro 2.0 (Gyro builds himslef a robot double to help him with work.)

- Being Donald Duck (Beagles steal Gyro’s mind-swapping machine to swap minds with Donald Duck and get to the Money Bin.)

- Big Helper (During Duckburg’s Invention Convention Gyro’s rival, Bruce Brainstorm, presents Big Helper - a human-sized version of Little Helper.)

- Lost and Found (Inspired by police dog, Gyro builds machine that can find anything.)

- In the Clouds (Gyro finds a way to live on the cloud. Donald moves in.)

- Green Thumbs Down (Fethry tries to prove to Gyro that he can live off of his organic food.)

- The Scrooge Museum (There is an exhibit in honor of Scrooge McDuck. Unfortunately everyone must pay and Scrooge wants to go for free.)

- The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t (During transport of Christmas tree Little Helper fall off the track and gets lost. Gyro and friends try to find him.)

- The Duckburg Ice Festival (It is a time of Duckburg Ice Festival and Donald wants to win. Gyro provides some technical help.)

- To Supply a Demand (To sell his inventions with “proper marketing”, Gyro signs a contract with Scrooge McDuc. However, contract also says that Gyro has to build whatever is demended by the public. From now on Gyro has no time for himself and for fun inventing.)

- What Goes Around (Something odd is happening to Scrooge. He suddenly remembers that he and Goldie are married, Beagle Boys are owners of Money Bin and Donald lost his house.)

- A Job Too Well Done (The mayor of Duckburg asks Gyro to duct the snow that covered whole town.)

- White Gold (Duckburg is covered heavily by snow. Scrooge has to send large amounts of bottled water so he figures, he will use snow to his advantage. And Gyro just so happens to have an invention for that.)

- The Black Knight Glorps Again (Scrooge displays his trophy collection in the museum. The gentleman thief is also there, preparing for his final heist but he needs his special armor to do so and only Scrooge know where it is.)

- Generous to a Fault (Gyro is outraged by the way Scrooge’s bill collectors operate. He creates the generosity formula, but it turns out to be too strong.)

- Creative Impulse (Gyro suffers from sudden impulses to invent things, So he figures he needs to go out more and take time off. Donald invites the inventor to his place to help him relax more.)

- Space Food Folly (Gyro makes new, improved space food pills that become full-fleshed beef dinner under heat. The invention catches interest of Scrooge McDuck.)

- Comet Get It (Scrooge and Gyro disappeared. Two weeks later Donald and nephews get a mysterious phone call from Scrooge. An airplane with outpilot takes them to secluded, snowy place ,where they learn Magica de Spell asked Scrooge for help with comet on collison course with Earth.)

- Dr. Invento (Gyro becomes a host in children show and have no time to invent.)

- Out of Shape (Daisy goes to Gyro for advice about weight-loss pills. He gives her wieght-loss pills of his own invention.)

- Foul play in Funland (Scrooge bought an amusement park and asks Gyro to fix broken rides before the park will be open. Little do they know, there’s someone else there to and wants the Funland to stay closed.)

- When Posty met Patty (Gyro builds a walking mailbox for Daisy. His own mailbox, Posty, falls in love.)

- A Dime in Time (Scrooge and nephews, following Scrooge’s own instructions form years ago, discover a box that seems to contain Numer One Dime... but Number One Dime is in Money Bin! It turns out time travel is involved.)

- Fleece and Quiet (Scrooge can’t work because of the noise outside the window so Gyro gives him a device that nulliifies the noises around. It so happens that when Scrooge uses it for the first time, Bragle Boys decide to attack.)

- Into The Future (Gyro is visited by his descendant, Chip Gearloose. Chip takes him to the year 3007 in hopes Gyro will help him solve a case of stolen Numer One Dime.)

- A Fowl of the Future (Chip Gearloose comes back... right when Gyro was in one room with Scrooge McDuck. When Scrooge learns his Numer One Dime was stolen in the future, he decides to go on a time travel himself.)

- Guilty as Charged (An accusation from homeless man makes Scrooge catatonic. While walking down the street with him, Donald and nephews stumble upon Gyro’s workshop and the inventor decides to use one of his inventions to get into Scrooge’s mind. It Donald and triplets arrive just in time for trial.)

- Write Thinking (Donalds decides to write a teleplay but is easily distracted and has a writer’s block. So he oges to Gyro who gives him Think-O-Matic that transports ideas into paper.)

- The Other Gyro Gearloose (While Gyro is off on Inventions’ Convention, Donald is left to watch for the workshop. A race of aliens in need mistake him for Gyro and ask for help with their green problem.)

- Brother from Another Earth (Bored Scrooge meets himself from parallel universe who offers to swap places for the excitement. But the new Earth - and people’s attitutde towards Scrooge - is strange to say the least.)

- The Electric Hissyfitter (Gyro builds a machine that drains stress waves from people and releases it in a hissy fit.)

- Projected Poverty (To put his nephews into a trial, Scrooge asks Gyro to make a projection of his Money Bin in ruin, and pretends to be poor.)

- Last Hero of Banania (Tog et an inheritance from his military-oriented ancestor, Scrooge has to become a soldier. He stettles for being a patrol scout on far island Banania.)

- No Need to Know (It’s Valentine’s Day. Gyro builds a machine that analyzes Valentine cards and reveals the authors.)

- Easter Eggs-port (Due to change of regime in Porto Gordo, Scrooge can’t export the gold from his mine. Luckily Porto Gordian’s hens can eat gold and money and later store it in their eggs.)

- Driven to Destruction (Scrooge let’s gyro instal a computer in duck’s car. But although the new invention proves to be useful, it soon catches attention of Beagle Boys.)

- Leonardo da Gearloose (Inspired by the life of Leonardo da Vinci, Gyro decides to take art classes.)

- “I” of the Storm (Gyro and Launchpad are flying through the hurricane to get data for Duckburg’s Weather Center. The circumstances force them constantly to fight for their lives.)

- Gloom of the Unknown Author (Donald asks a question Huey, Dewey and Louie can’t answer with their Junior Woodchucks’ Guidebook: who’s the author of said guidebook? The boys set to solve the mystery.)

- Salt and Gold (A two-parter; Scrooge, Donald, nephews and Gyro go to Cracow because the assistant of Nicolas Copernicus’ who supposedly found a way to make gold out of salt.)

- Around the World in 80 Bucks (A four-parter about Scrooge making a wager with Rockerduck that he will travel the world only with 80 bucks, but Gyro appears only in the third part, where Donald and Scrooge find him in India.)

- A Dolt from the Blue (Gyro constructs for Launchpad an airplane that avoids contacts with hard objects.)

- Big Blimp in Little Trouble (Scrooge tells Gyro to build a new kind of air blimp.)

- The Belt of Time (Thanks to Gyro’s newest invention - a belt that enables time travels - Launchpad is sent through time. Meanwhile Scrooge and Glomgold prepare to go to Andes.)

- The Man Who Drew Ducks (In Uncle Scrooge issue 400 we have a comicbook tribute for Carl Barks and all the characters he created.)

In 2015 IDW started to publish Uncle Scrooge comics by non-American artists, So far Gyro Gearloose appeared in following stories:

- The Inventor’s Picnic (The Annual Picnic of the National Inventors’ Society is coming. Gyro is an official guest host and needs to unveil a very special invention... but his head is empty! Luckily he can count on friends.)

- Heights of Fear (A man who wants to settle a new record comes to Gyro for help. He has a fear of heights.)

- Of Mice and Magic (It’s a tax season and Scrooge is certain Magica is planning something. Little does he know that Magica is already in Duckburg and she has a plan how to get into Money Bin.)

- The Doorman Doormat (Gyro presents a new invention to an investor - a doormat that recognizes the owner and keeps the ujnwanted guests away.)

- Ten Little Millionaires (Scrooge organizes a luxury cruise to the moon for ten millionaires. But somewhere along the way his guests are robbed off their valuables. Scrooge sets himself to solve the mystery.)

- Scrooge’s Last Adventure (A four-parter story about Scrooge’s greatest foes - Beagle Boys, Magica, Rockerduck and Glomgold - taking over his furtune and leaving him misarable.)

- Gyro’s Mananger (Max Buckgrab convinces Gyro to hire him as his mamanger and charge more for inventions.)

- The Miner’s Granddaoughter (A cameo; Goldie O’Glit informs Scrooge that he has a granddaughter.)

- Gum Disease (Gyro presents Donald with the chewing gum that also serves as a toothpaste.)

- Design Flaw (TDuring rainy day in Duckburg Scrooge gets irritated by rain running down the umbrella under his newly-polished feet. He meets Gyro who gives him a umbrella designed to solve this problem.)

- The Droid I’m Looking For? (Gyro builds a robo-gardener to mown his lawn. After few hiccups he adjusts the robot’s intellect.)

- The Terrible Thinking Cap Tassle (Beagle Boys steal Gyro’s thinking cap and use it to make master plans for crimes. The inventor needs to find himself a new thinking cap to stop them from rampage.)

And that’s all when it comes to Uncle Scrooge comics.

Next time - Donald Duck comics.

#RedHatMeg's Guide on Gyro Gearloose #uncle scrooge #gyro gearloose

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