#so i guess stuff to look forward to from me in 2023 hopefully:

[posebean]

2023 the year i draw more things than just pikachu....

[gunsatthaphan]

✌🏻✨ ~ 2023 wrap-up ~ ✨✌🏻

another year gone, another post no one asked for djkghdf

I normally don't talk about personal stuff on here but like in the previous year I wanted do a little recap and give shoutouts to some lovely people 🧡

It hasn't been an easy year for me, I started a new job which has been stressful and annihilated my work-life balance which resulted in me being sick a lot & just being stressed for most of the year lol. I barely found time to maintain this blog which may not seem like it on the outside since I somehow managed to frequently post but it's been difficult. I know I don't have to be online 24/7 but the fear of slipping into irrelevancy due to lack of content remains. I didn't have much time to watch bls & asian shows in general which I still consider my safe space and escapism so I'm resentful that I didn't get to fully take in and enjoy the things I'm passionate about and make content about them like I did in the previous years. That being said thank god for all the weekend shows that I did manage to watch and fully focus on like Only Friends and now Cooking Crush and Cherry Magic. Those have been life savers lol and also thank god for all the talented creators who gave us tons of content; I will mention some of them below.

But aside from my personal schedule and despite not watching a lot of stuff, I still tried to keep an eye on what's going on in the BL world for my monthly breakdowns, which I still enjoy making and I will likely continue them in 2024. I also came to the conclusion that 2023 ended up being another rendition of quantity > quality in the BL-verse so not much has changed lol - not that I expected it to. We got a wild and extended mix of different genres and subgenres this year which was nice to see. We saw companies & actors experimenting a lot (with varying results), we got new ships, new fandoms and new enemies, as well as a variety of comebacks and retirements. My watchlist this year was limited to Thai BLs and my blog mostly consisted of gmmtv related content and like I said, if I had had more time I probably would have explored more different shows - but I eventually resorted to what's familiar. I guess I needed an anchor in midst of all my personal chaos lol.

But despite my short list, there were a few gems that I enjoyed. The big ones like Only Friends, Moonlight Chicken, Be My Favorite, etc., and the small, less popular ones like Be Mine Superstar, Mission Fan Possible and a few more. I enjoyed talking to friends & making content about them in the limited timeframes I had. My opinions mostly matched those of the general public but unfortunately there were a few disappointments that were bathing in a success that I could not wrap my head around - Dangerous Romance and A Boss and a Babe being at the top of that list, followed by La Pluie and also a few of the lakorns I watched. But anyway.

Anyone who knows me knows my blog has been 83% FirstKhao this year lmao, they're my favorite people in this industry and watching them act, interact & making content about them has been one of my highlights. I'm excited to see what 2024 brings for them and even if it's not a series, I'm looking forward to seeing what else they will be up to 🥺 🐈‍⬛ 🐈

I'm going into 2024 with mixed feelings but above all I hope I will get the chance to expand my watchlist a little. I will post a personal top10 of the shows I watched this year shortly; until then I want to talk a bit about some lovely people this year - I’m not good with words lmao but thank you for being you and making this hellsite a better place 🥹 lol.

@leonpob - bestie!!! 🧡 our BL opinions have drifted apart this year lmao but who's to say friendships are solely based on mutual opinions. You're the best, stay the way you are and here's to another year of sharing thoughts and hopefully finding more shows to watch together (no matter if trash or not lol) 😉😘  @mayalunas - ahhhh I loved talking to you sooo so much this year, we agree on so many things that I'm convinced we share the same BL braincells lmao. You're one of my favorite people on this website, thank you for being such a good listener and a positive & supportive person to talk to 🥺 I hope you have the best 2024!!! ily!!! 🧡 @khunvegas - GURL idk where you went this year or if you still exist sdjkds but just know I haven't forgotten about you and I miss our talks 🥺 come back pls thank. @my-wandering-rabbit - I love our random out-of-context talks once a month lmao, I appreciate you and I hope we will continue our ritual of me watching shows and you asking me questions without watching them kjsdhg @bl-recs-and-reviews - Bestie!!! I love our catch-ups on Discord, you were one of the first people I ever talked to like 4 years ago? crazy. look at us. I still love you, you're the sweetest and I love talking to you 🧡🥺 @dreamedofyou - ahh I absolutely love your blog!!! I noticed you a lot in my notifications this year so I wanted to say thank you so much for interacting with my unhinged content (mostly FK related lmao) - We haven't talked a ton but I think of you as a very nice person and I hope we can talk more next year 🥹🫶🏻

and then of course some more shoutouts go out to all the wonderful and talented creators out there; I will never be able to tag all of you so sorry in advance but here are a few that I appreciate, some of which have also mentioned me in their wrap-up posts so thank you for that!!!

@taeminie @seatawinan @loveisactivated @forcebook @jimmysea @guzhu-furen @daymork @itsallaboutbl @seatawinans @blneobin @blmpfff @wanderlust-in-my-soul @pranpat @milkpansa @raypakorn @ahxu-laowen @forcebookish @forcebookcorner @morkofday @chinzillas @seajimmy @dimpledpran @i-got-the-feels @bengiyo @benkaaoi @25shadesoffebruary @moonkhao @smittenskitten @respectthepetty @earthfluuke @pharawee @khaotunq @khaotunqs @pranink @gabrielokun @piningintrovert @zhaozi @markpakin @firstkanaphans @firstforkhao @khaotungsfirst @wen-kexing-apologist @firstkpp @firstmix @bunnakit @khaothanawat @alienwlw @ffirstkhao (I can't tag the last 4 for some reason..)

have the best 2024!!!

🧡🧡🧡

[live-the-fangirl-life]

Timeless [Immortals]

Aelin Galathynius x Rowan Whitethorn

The world is large and time may be endless, but it's all an exciting adventure with the right person beside you. Inspired in part by Timeless by Taylor Swift, Immortals by Fall Out Boy, and by my own historical research fixations. Also a tiny bit of Istanbul by They Might be Giants

A/N: I will say I wanted to flesh this out a bit more and had a whole plan on how to, but I started a new job recently and I haven't had the energy to keep writing during my free time, so I edited what I had and have it here for you to enjoy. I also wanted to write for a bunch of Rowaelin month days but I think this is all I have in me for now.

Finally, I just have a fair warning: I got really into slang words in this. i had way too much fun with them, so hopefully its understandable lol

Masterlist | Rowaelin Month | Read on Ao3

6494 words

Written for Rowaelin Month 2023 - Day 1: SongFic

*******

Morning light peeked through the curtains fluttering around the open window of their living room. She could faintly hear the sounds of the neighborhood filtering through – cars cruising by, a riding lawnmower cutting clean lines into the grass, a couple of kids out riding their bicycles, and the steadily growing music of an ice cream truck. 

“Rowan, have you seen the…” Aelin trailed off as she realized her husband wasn’t in the room with her anymore.

He chose to go by his given name nowadays, reminding her again of their youth and all the best parts about learning how to grow up before the reality of time set in.

She was sitting cross-legged on the plush rug, combing through a box of mementos she’d found tucked away between stacks of old books.

She must’ve been more distracted by them than she had thought because when she looked at the clock, nearly two hours had gone by and Rowan, who had been sitting in the armchair across from her, wasn’t there anymore. She did have a vague memory of a kiss being pressed to her forehead and hearing his muffled voice but she���d been too distracted.

Aelin gathered the things she’d been picking out and put all the photographs, letters, and trinkets back in their box, before getting up and carefully carrying it with her as she went looking for Rowan.

It didn’t take long. The man was out on their back porch, sitting on the wooden swing and using one leg to slowly rock himself back and forth. He wasn’t looking at her but she saw the smile on his face as she approached. He always knew she was there; he could always sense her. Aelin walked towards him and grinned against his mouth when she ducked down to kiss him, before unceremoniously dropping down onto the swing beside him. His rocking didn’t falter a second.

“Is that what’s taken your attention today?” He asked, nodding at the large, well-loved box she placed on the floor in front of them.

“Have you looked through this recently?” She let his question float away and started pulling out some of the forgotten treasures they’d accumulated.

Shrugging, Rowan leaned forward to get a better look and fondly bumped his shoulder against hers.

“Don’t think so,” he rubbed at the stubble shadowing his face as he thought about it. “Probably not since we moved in.”

Aelin hummed in answer and quickly picked through the papers. “I forgot we had all of this stuff.” She paused, thinking, and dove back into the box, this time with purpose. “Do you know where the portraits are?”

A light breeze blew a strand of blonde hair into her face and Rowan reached out to tuck it behind her ear.

“Which portraits?”

“You know,” she waved irreverently, “the ones done by…what’s his name?”

“Oh of course,” he amended seriously. “Those portraits.”

Huffing a laugh, Aelin fell back against the swing and swatted his shoulder as he chuckled. “You know who I’m talking about,” she insisted.

Truth be told, they’d had so many pictures taken and portraits painted that he didn’t know where to start with his guessing. His wife could be referring to anything.

“Leo?”

“No,” she shook her head.

“Johannes?”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Vincent?”

“Ugh,” she groaned, rubbing her hand down her face, “this is going to bug me all day.” A second later she popped back up and turned towards him with wide eyes, “Oh! You know what I really wish we still had?” she asked.

He wished they could have saved all their keepsakes, but that would’ve been impossible. “Not a clue.”

“Those busts we had back in Ἀθῆναι,” She said, her eyes growing distant as she fell back into a memory from their younger years.

He hummed, knowingly. “Those were nice. But I doubt they’re in Athens anymore.”

“No, I know that.” She said sitting back and leaning into him, getting closer as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I think the last time I saw them was in Constantinople.”

“Istanbul,” Rowan corrected.

“What?” she turned her face to see him from where she’d tucked herself into his side.

“It’s Istanbul.” He said again.

She blinked and then rolled her eyes as she understood what he was saying. “Well, it was Constantinople.”

“And now,” he poked her, earning himself a startled laugh, “It’s Istanbul.”

“Whatever,” Aelin snorted. “I still miss those statues.”

Rowan kicked one leg out and began rocking them again, careful not to overturn the box. “You know where they are,” he reminded her, “we could always go see them.”

She scrunched her nose up. “Yeah, but I don’t like paying an entry fee to see myself.”

The breeze picked up and the pair enjoyed a few minutes of quiet, broken only by the faint creaking of the swing and the birds and insects outside. She absentmindedly took his other hand in hers and couldn’t help but think back –

Back to when they were young and naïve and had no idea what sort of life they would have ahead of them.

Back to their beginning.

The land of their childhoods was rich, and their life a simple one. Most everyone around them were farmers or fishermen, soldiers or tradesmen. There were scholars, artists, and builders.

Aelin learned stories of gods and heroes and gave tribute to Athena, the patron goddess of her home. She learned how to weave from her mother, and waited for the day she was set to marry the son from a family her father wanted ties with.

Rowan worked and studied and then became a soldier, fighting in bloody battles across the city-states before he returned to wed.

The two had always known they would be married. Their families arranged it long before either Aelin or Rowan were old enough to offer their thoughts. But they were happy. It was well.

For a while, their life was as ordinary as any others in their Polis.

It wasn’t until the two of them had watched their families grow old that they realized their own lives were different. Unchanging. Everlasting.

They learned how to adapt.

The armor Rowan wore became stronger; the language of the orders being shouted changed; Democracy, philosophy, and art flourished. Wars raged. The land they lived on changed names and changed again.

Sometimes years passed when Aelin and Rowan were apart, separated for one reason or another. Other times, decades went by without notice, time losing the meaning it once had. But they always gravitated back to each other.

They met as Aelin Galathynius and Rowan Whitethorn.

They reunited as Aeliana Galanis and Romulus Whitheia.

As Eleyn Galliano and Rowland Whitton.

As Astrid and Warin.

As Alana and Royce.

There were some names they liked better than others.

They saw empires rise and fall. A world they once called home became ancient.

And as the world became more complicated – as royalty and religion shaped the nations, conquering and separating territories, as battles waged and revolutions erupted, as explorers flung themselves to the far reaches of the earth – Aelin and Rowan found their lives drifting apart from one another until they only had their memories and a knowing sense that someday they would find each other again.

"Whiskey. Neat." He drawled, dropping his dusty hat onto the bar top. The wood was scratched up from too many glasses missing their mark. And sticky, too. Not that he'd say so. He was a smart enough man not to complain to the lady behind the bar. Even it meant swallowing back a grimace at the thought of putting that hat back on his head. "Ma'am."

The woman was already halfway finished pouring the bottle. She had known it was him before he’d opened his mouth; but she smiled when his voice hit her, having recognized the sound of him walking ‘cross those old floorboards and taking a seat at his usual stool – the one right in front of her.

She’d had lifetimes to recognize him.

Still turned away, she shelved the dark bottle of booze back where it belonged.

For a moment, it reminded him of the day he found her here. 

He’d been up in Oregon near the California border, following a late wave of gold seekers when he caught whispers of a town a few days south of him, where a woman was holding down a claim to the saloon. A real Calamity Jane if there ever was one.

He knew she was somewhere out here, that she’d ventured west at the call of adventure. Hell, he’d braved across the frontier too, slowly working his way from ranch to ranch and crossing lands that didn’t exist on the maps he’d once held.

But knowing there was a chance of finding her again, and actually hitting pay dirt were two very different things. He had ridden into town knowing not to get his hopes up, but when he stepped into that saloon, heavenly shaded and cool from the high-noon sun, he knew it was her.

She’d been standing behind the bar with her hair woven into a loose braid tossed over one shoulder. Her well-worn clothes somehow suited her just as well as laced-up gowns, pirate’s trousers, or peploi of their youth. Her skirts were long but didn’t look heavy and she had pushed the sleeves of her blouse up to combat the heat. Around her waist, she wore a holster which didn’t surprise him one bit and he supposed running a saloon warranted the pistol that she’d slotted in there.

He was walking towards the bar before he knew what he was doing, and when she lifted her arm to count the bottles she’d lined up on the shelves, he caught sight of the small scar on her forearm. If he still had any doubts, seeing that blew them all to the wind. He could recall with deafening detail the day she’d gotten that scar, the spatha blade that gave it to her, and the Roman general he’d killed for it.

Her back was still turned towards him when he slowly sat down on the stool across from her.

“Aelin.”

In an instant, she went completely and utterly still.

She would know his voice anywhere. Know him anywhere. And even if she hadn’t, there was only one person who would ever call her by that name.

Lifetimes worth of memories flashed behind her eyes as her heart began pounding a thunderous beat. She felt like all the wind had been knocked from her, yet also it was the first time she could breathe in years. She wasn’t sure how that was possible. But then, she’d long since given up deciding what was possible and impossible when it came to him.

And her mind was putting in the licks like a six-shooter horse; like she was electrified.

Carefully setting the bottle in her hand back down on the countertop, slowly, so slowly, she turned to face him.

As they locked eyes a million different emotions flew across her face and he was sure as a gun his was looking the same.

She smiled, wide and bright, and her eyes lined themselves with silver.

“Linny,” she breathed, her first word to him in over half a century. “It’s Linn, actually, but everyone ‘round here calls me Linny.”

Her voice was dipped in that sweet, honeyed drawl they’d been surrounded by. And he laughed, feeling like the years just melted away because she did too. The kind of laugh that said more than words ever could.

A few men at a nearby table looked over to see what all the fuss was about, but it was a joke that only the two of them knew the punchline to.

And then, having been reminded that they had eyes on them, she was reaching across the old wood bar holding out her hand. “Linny,” she said again, still beaming at him, “Linny Gale. It’s a pleasure to meet you…” she trailed off with a knowing smirk.

He remembered every instance in which she had looked at him with those same twinkling eyes, and by the growing elation of her face, so could she. He cleared his throat and took her hand in his, smiling even broader when his roughened skin met hers. “Roe Wyatt.” Her smile softened into something special. “At your service, ma’am.”

Roe hadn’t known what came next for him, but what he did know was that she was here – staying. So, he stayed, too.

As she set the glass of whiskey in front of him, that day from almost a decade prior faded away and she brought him back with the small curve of her lips as she greeted him, “Sheriff.”

At least here, in this dusty town on the far side of the world, filled with desert rats still scrounging for that elusive gold, and where he's wearing the badge instead of running from it...at least here he gets to see her face every day.

*****

Life out here was tough, Linny knew that, but she liked it. And she liked it much more now that Roe was back in her life. Point is, she knew folks made their money any way they could, especially the women.

She’d seen enough life to know what it’s like when you don’t have the resources you need. So for every working woman who found herself under Linny’s roof, she’d be offered a spot as a barmaid, pulling in the pieces so they wouldn’t feel like they needed to work upstairs. But if they did, they wanted to - and for that, all the power to ‘em. Everyone who frequented her saloon knew that if they misbehaved themselves with those women, they’d be looking down the barrel of her shotgun.

The first - and last - unlucky man who mistook her for a painted lady didn't make it back out that door.

Linny knew her way around a broken bottle well enough that the Sheriff ordered another round and watched two of the regular old boys clean up the mess. Most of it, anyway. He knew there was still a spot near the end of the bar where the wood’s stained darker than the rest. She thanked him mighty finely for turning a blind eye, too. She was sweet on him like that.

To everyone else in town, it was a mystery why they ain't gotten hitched yet. They all saw the knowing glances and conversations with so many in-jokes it sounded like they were speaking a different language. She never accepted any other man’s courtin’ and folks from around these parts knew not to try anymore, especially when the Sheriff only ever had eyes for her.

They knew not to mess with Linny Gale, too, because if she didn’t get you first, the Sheriff would make sure you never stepped foot in town again; and if some Hay Seed thought he was quicker to the draw than Roe Wyatt, he either ended up food for the buzzards with a lead plumb between his eyes or was found crawling out the back of the saloon while the arsenic-flavored whiskey he got served hit its mark.

To everyone else, his calling on her was moving slower than molasses in January.

They didn’t know the half of it.

*****

“Howdy, Miss Linny. Sheriff.”

She half smiled at the old man taking a seat on a bar stool two over from Roe. She was already grabbing a glass and pouring as she asked, “What can I get’cha for?”

He chuckled when he saw she’d already poured his whiskey. “You know me too well.”

“And whose fault is that y’old honeysop,“ she laughed.

He’d gulped down half the drink and the skin at his eyes crinkled. “My mammy used to say that…honeysop…I ain’t heard no soul say that since ‘fore I could look over the dinner table.”

Her small smile was wistful as she wiped down the countertop and grabbed another glass, using a different rag she’d slung over her shoulder to give it a good wiping down.

“I’m an old soul.”

He chuckled; eyes distant, lost in a memory. “Yeah, m’ mammy was too.” He looked up and smiled the way he did at his little grandbabies, “A sweet thing like you is too young for that.”

Linny kept wiping down glasses sharing an automatic glance with Roe. A small smile graced her face as easily concealed mirth danced across his.

Setting the last glass down, she tossed the towel back over her shoulder and leaned closer to the older man. “Sweet talking me ain’t gonna pay off your tab, Rolph.”

“Always gotta try, ma’am,” he huffed a laugh and stood, finishing the last of the amber liquid.

Linny shook her head fondly and Roe lifted his hand in a wave. “This is the last one, ya hear?” The old coot held his hand over his heart and smiled before walking out into the blaring sun.

“How many last ones ‘ve you given him?” Roe asked, still nursing the drink she’d poured him a while ago.

A huff of air blew a stray blonde lock out of her face. “A few.”

“You’ll run this place out of business ‘f you keep doing that.”

“He’s sweet,” she rested her elbows on the bar and leaned in, “He’s been taking wildflowers up to Madam Briar’s twice a week. Sometimes I see them ambling together down by the general store.

“He don’t mean no harm. He calls me young and sweet; I like it.” She laughed and he smiled. “And don’t you be worrying about this place. She ain’t in trouble yet. I always overcharge those rowdy boys that breeze in from the next town over. Don’t know why they keep coming back, sure as hell not for my welcoming, not after one couldn’t hold his booze and was sick as a horse all over my floor.” She huffed indignantly but then shrugged. “But I’m keeping my shutters painted and bottles full ‘cause of them so they ain’t so bad.”

Most days were right as rain. Linny handled her saloon with little trouble, but if there was any left after she was done, Roe used his badge to finish it.

So, when some fella too big for his breeches moseyed on in, you could cut the tension with a knife.

The saloon fell silent, something Linny might’ve marveled at if it weren’t for the no-good Saddle Stiff who’d sauntered in looking for hell to pay. The man took one long look around the room until his eyes landed on Roe and the star-shaped badge on his chest.

“You the gunslinger ‘round these parts?” His voice was rough and hard when he stepped in front of the Sheriff.

Barely blinking, he eyed the newcomer up and down, then he took a long sip of his drink and looked him square in the eye before gesturing with his half-empty glass to Linny. “You best be taking that up with her.”

Scoffing, the man didn’t even look at her. “You that cowardly a Sheriff you’ll let some hussy take your beatin’?”

Any lingering whispers went completely quiet as Roe slowly stood from his stool. He had a few inches on the man and didn’t bother fighting off a smirk when the newcomer tried squaring his shoulders to look as big as him. The Sheriff held the man’s gaze as he finished the rest of his whiskey before stepping closer and looking down at the lunkhead.

“First off, partner,” Roe drawled in a low voice. “I don’t let her do anything. Second,” he stepped closer, forcing the other man to falter before regaining the ridiculous bravado he walked in with. “You come in here, rilin’ everybody up, hollerin’ for the man in charge, I’ll tell you this – you’re in this town, in this saloon – she’s in charge. And she don’t take well to outsiders walking in here acting like they know their ups from downs.

“Finally,” Roe took another step into the man’s space and shoved his chest with one hand before gripping the material in his fist and hauling him up. “You ever call her that again, you’ll really have to deal with me, and you don’t want to deal with me after spitting on this here lady.” He leaned closer and practically growled, “You won’t be walkin’ ‘way from that.”

Roe let the man drop back down flat-footed and watched as he stumbled but looked between the Sheriff and Linny who’d been watching the scene. He made some sort of decision and went to open his mouth trying to say shit nobody wanted to hear but before he could get two words past his gullet, Linny reached into her skirts, pulled out a loaded pistol, and aimed it straight between his eyes.

“Get your lousy ass outta my establishment.” She cocked the gun, not batting an eye. “Or I’m ‘bout to have another dead body on my premises. That ain’t gonna look so good to the Sheriff.”

Said Sheriff caught the bead of sweat finally dripping down the man’s face and shrugged. “Don’t know nothing ‘bout no body.”

Linny smirked and flashed him a wink before refocusing on the man standing on the other side of the bar. “Now, you gonna get back on that ruddy horse of yours that’s scaring all the fillies outside?” she asked. “Or are you gonna make me get my floors dirty?”

Having no sense of what he’d walked himself into, the man looked her up and down holding that pistol with a steady hand, and scoffed. “That supposed to scare me, Calico Queen?”

Roe slammed his fist on the bar and gripped the man’s shirt again, but Linny’s brows just shot up.

“Oh, you ain’t scared of this old thing?” she asked airily. One second the pistol was pointed at him, the next the flickering gas lamp in the corner of the saloon shattered in a rain of broken glass as a bullet lodged itself in the wood directly behind it. “That was giving me a damn headache anyway. What about this one?” she set the pistol on the bar and reached below it, pulling out a long shotgun.

The front doors came swinging in hard enough to crash against the walls as they pivoted on rusted hinges. Another man, a local who helped tend the horses, ran in breathless unaware of what he’d walked himself into.

“Sheriff!” he panted. “Need your help breaking up a brawl out front.”

Roe looked at Linny who had the situation very much in hand and let go of the scamp who wouldn’t be breathing much longer. Adjusting his hat, Roe nodded to her. “Duty calls, ma’am. For both our sakes, when you pull that here trigger, at least corral him outside will ya?”

“Fine by me, poppet. Less mess in here for me to clean up.” She smiled at him. “That’d be all yours to handle, Sheriff.” 

And it was.

And they stayed in that town until they couldn’t.

And then they left. Together.

“Where do you want it, Ace?”

Annie – Ace – pulled out her deck of luckies and lit up a butt, inhaling and blowing the smoke out in a practiced ring. The alley she was standing in was blocked off from the main road and, for extra precaution, always had a protective pair of eyes on the entrance; not that anyone would notice the guards, she was too smart to orchestrate anything so obvious.  

Keeping her face neutral, she surveyed the haul of smuggled liquor brought to her by one of the active bootleggers in their employ. The two men behind her stayed quiet; stoic, as she blew another smoke ring. She spotted in a second that the poorly concealed unease radiating off the man wasn’t because of the loaded weapons either of her boys was carrying. She looked the bottles over once, twice –

“You’re just the bees’ knees, Cal. Always bringing me the best.” She indulged him a bit, pulling the cigarette from her mouth, and watched the tension ease out of his shoulders.

“Anything for you,” he grinned shakily and kept fidgeting. The damn sap was sweating bullets. He tried making small talk and she let him think he was getting away with it for another minute before she stopped him from lamming off.

“One thing, you old Mug,” her voice dropped all sweetness, and as she stared him down, all the blood drained from his face.

Jerking her head at one of the trouble boys behind her, he wasted no time in pulling out a gat and pointing it at the idiot who thought he could fool her.

“Do you take me for a Dumb Dora? A patsy?” She asked steadily, smirking when she heard the trigger being cocked. “I wasn’t born yesterday. I know the fucking difference between profitable giggle juice and piss-poor hooch.”

The man was shaking now but she had no patience for disrespect. Not here.

“I—I don’t, I don’t know what you’re spittin’ about, Ace.” He stammered.

“That’s Mrs. Thorne to you.” She corrected him, arching a brow. Turning on her heel she ignored Mr. Weston’s pleading and said to her trigger man, “Don’t make a mess. This damn alley smells bad enough.”

The other man who’d been standing behind her reached for the door holding it open for her without a word. She flashed him a smile and walked back into the speakeasy. Annie was immediately surrounded by raucous laughter and brassy jazz music, it was just enough to drown out the shot fired behind her and the thud of a body hitting the ground.

*****

Owen loved the sound of the big band. It never got old, no matter how many nights he spent sitting in this drum, putting down glasses of champagne. He liked even better, that no one bothered him at his table in the corner – no one he didn’t want bothering him, that is.

He especially liked it because he had a clear sight of both doors, the stage, and the bar. Not to mention he never had a problem picking his Ace out of the crowd. The club may have been bedecked in lights and gold, but his wife always shined brighter.

Tonight, he spotted her standing next to a young doll who looked scared enough just to be standing in a juice joint, let alone able to enjoy herself. But the longer he watched them, the more at ease the girl looked in Ace’s company.

“Don’t be getting the jitters, now,” Annie rubbed a comforting hand down the girl’s arm. She couldn’t have been older than twenty, and it was obvious she’d never been in a place like this before. “You see those fellas in the corner there?” she nodded towards a pair of men halfway through a bottle of gin, each with a fine damp on their laps. “Those boys are coppers.”

When the young girl looked back, startled, the blonde laughed and gave her shoulders a squeeze. “Lose those heebie-jeebies. You’re safe here.”

Annie looked over the girl’s head and saw that her man was already looking at her. Like always. She gave him a subtle nod, which he immediately returned, setting down his glass and gesturing to one of the men standing to the side of his table. Ace didn’t need to hear him to know what her husband was ordering. 

“No one in this joint is a danger to you, you have my word.” At the girl’s still skeptical look, Ace smiled conspiratorially at her. “Take another look around, you see that handsome guy sitting there – no don’t stare – people in here listen to him. And he listens to me.” She leaned in closer and the girl finally smiled, making Ace’s smile wider. “He is absolutely dizzy with me. Now, let's get you a delicious glass of bubbly,” She snapped at one of the nearby waiters who came by and handed the girl some champagne. “Relax here at the bar and listen to our sweet canary sing. I heard her practicing her verses earlier and she's lovely.”

Leaving the girl in good hands, Annie snagged her own glass of champagne off a passing waiter and strutted across the dancefloor towards Owen. Her dress shimmered under the lights as she flounced to her husband’s table which was now occupied with a couple familiar faces. He didn’t falter in his conversation as she gracefully draped herself across his lap and wrapped an arm around his neck, carding her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Ace,” he squeezed her hip in greeting, “you remember Lore and Fen.”

“Ain’t you a looker,” Fen winked, and Annie smirked, feeling her husband’s grip on her hip tighten.

“Down boy,” she chuckled, crossing one leg over the other and subtly leaning closer into Owen’s embrace.

“They were just telling me,” he explained to her, “that our buddy at the station got word some Dry folks want to take matters into their own hands.”

“They don’t think the coppers are doing their job,” Fen leaned back, smirking. “Not finding and shuttin’ down all those corrupted, underground joints.”

Annie snorted and turned over her shoulder to look at the two Johns drinking away with badges hidden somewhere in their jackets. “I think they’re doing a swell job.”

Her laughter was echoed by Owen and Fen, but Lore just rolled his eyes at her flippancy.

“Those damn teetotalers think they’re so high and mighty,” The man gritted out, glaring daggers at the policemen in the corner – darkly enough Annie was surprised the boys didn’t drop dead on the spot.

“Cut it out, Salterre,” Annie chastised. He redirected his glare to her and even though she felt Owen stiffen, she merely smirked at the glowering man. “If you keep up looking so sore, people are bound to notice, and then those fellas will get made. It won’t take a genius to figure out why a man sitting comfortably at this here table is looking to pop one of them off.”

“I don’t think Salterre has ever sat comfortably.”

None of them paid Fen’s comment any head, but Annie’s smirk widened just a fraction.

“Yeah?” Lore goaded, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it between his teeth. “And why would that be so bad?”

Before she could answer, Owen beat her to it.

“What, you killing them? Or someone noticing you want to?”

“Both?” The dark-haired man asked, unconcerned. “Either? No one’s gonna be crying over a couple less coppers.”

“Get your head out of your ass, Salterre.” Annie snapped, staring hard at him. “You kill them? That comes back to bite us. I wouldn’t go so far as to say you’re smart, but I know you have eyes.” She ignored his sneer. “Look around and tell me how many people are in the club? Tell me how many people would be able to say that they saw those boys here.”

“So? That’s bad for them, not us.” He shrugged dismissively.

Annie downed the rest of her champagne and wished for strength. “No one in here but a few of us,” she looked pointedly around the small circle, “know they’re coppers. Anyone else would just know that they recognized those two goddamn faces in here before you supposedly cut ‘em down. That leads questions coming back here, to our establishment, to you, to us. That is not what we fucking want. It's the whole fucking reason we pay those boys off in the first place – so that they won’t be bringing questions around here. We help them, they help us. That’s how this works, rattlecap.”

Annie snapped her fingers and a fresh glass of champagne found itself in her hand. She took a long sip before threatening, “If you think you’re above all that, then I’ll be handling you myself.”

Lore didn’t say anything when she raised her brows at him, he just shifted his gaze to her husband as if he would contradict or chastise her. Owen leaned back in his seat, pulling her with him as they settled into the plush cushion.

“You heard the lady,” Owen simply said, instead.

And with that, Fen started snickering and Lore stretched his arms out on the edge of the booth as he silently seethed. The band picked up the first notes of a new song that had Annie twisting on her husband's lap to listen to the music.

When she rested her head against Owen’s he squeezed her hip again and fondly muttered, “Ace.” Some days it was her sweet nickname, on others it was a curse, and sometimes, like right now and said in a way that made her turn to press a red-lipped kiss to his cheek, it was a prayer.

*****

The wind roared around them as their car sped down the road. Owen was driving with one hand on the wheel and the other half-hanging out the window. Annie smiled as the scenery flew by in a blur. Tall buildings and crowded streets gave way to green foliage and open land.

The engine purred and she couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face. She’d seen a lot of discoveries and creations, and she always wondered how they could ever get better, but they usually did - things always evolved and spurred the invention of new things. She remembered the journeys in horse-drawn carriages and knew that back then she wouldn’t have been able to dream of a day like today, flying down the roads in a beautiful car, the engine powering them to its limits.

Getting close to the house, Owen pulled off the main motorway and took a winding, private road that wound them beneath blooming trees, their canopies painting the pavement in shade.

The house wasn’t extravagant; in fact, it was incredibly modest. It was something her husband had built in his early days on this continent. Long before the Great War, before the Gold Rush, before the Civil War, and revolutionary battles. Back when they both were searching for something new and took those leaps, journeying across the ocean.

Their lives sometimes felt like swinging pendulums, positioned closely enough to intertwine, drawing them together indistinguishably, but angled just so and pulling them apart when they least expected.

As she reached for Owen’s hands and intertwined their fingers, squeezing once, she vowed to never let that happen again.

It wasn’t long before they’d brought their bags in and decided to take a walk along one of the trails beyond the house.

“Do you think we have to worry about Lore going rogue?” She asked quietly, leaning into Owen’s arm.

“No, I don’t think so,” he shook his head, carding one hand through his un-slicked back hair. “He has a temper but he’s smart. Worst he’ll do is give ‘em some words, but he wouldn’t do worse than that. He knows it’ll only go bad.”

“I think you give him too much credit.”

“I think you give yourself too little,” he countered, and at her raised brow he chuckled. “He’ll put up a fight, but he won’t cross you.”

Annie hummed. “As far as he’s concerned, you’re the one he should be holding back for.”

Owen barked a laugh. “If you honestly think that he doesn’t know who is really calling the shots then you are severely underestimating him.”

“I’m not underestimating his intelligence. I’m insulting his lack of tact.” She told him as they kept walking. “You know we work together; I know we work together; they know we work together; but most of the fellas packing heat and doing the work still think you have the final word. And that works because it allows me to do things I need to do without as sharp an eye watching my moves. 

“And if Salterre keeps pushing, then it won’t be long before everyone knows exactly how I can handle things – and that will be bad for both of us.” She pulled back and smirked up at his amused expression. “How do you think our supply is the best in town? Because I go out and make friends with all those grimy bootlegger’s dames; and between us ladies, things get done, arrangements get made, deals get sorted. And then, without watchful eyes on our lovely, delicate selves, we get our fellas to follow through with those deals…and the world goes round.”

“Okay, okay,” he laughed, agreeing. “Enough about that. I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“Good.”

“And, Ace?” he laughed again, “You and I both know that every son of a bitch who works with us knows damn well that you’re packing as much heat as any one of them.”

They fell into companionable silence. There was no one in the world she felt as comfortable around.

“Do you remember when we got married?” She asked him suddenly.

“Of course, I do, Ace. It wasn’t that long ago.”

Her dress brushed against her legs as the breeze picked up.

“No, not this time,” she said. “I mean the time during the revolution.”

They kept walking steadily as he thought. “Which one?”

“The European one,” she elaborated.

He glanced down at her again. “Which one?”

“Oh, stop you sap,” she nudged his rib fondly. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“Yes, I know what you’re talking about.” He stopped them and turned her to face him. “I remember every wedding I’ve had with you. I remember every ceremony and every dress. Every officiant. Every wedding night. And the only – only – thing that is good about the years when we’ve been apart is that every time we were, I knew I had one thing to look forward to: finding you again and getting to learn who you’ve become.”

“Ἀγαπῶ σὲ,” Annie whispered, silver-lined eyes staring up into his deep green ones.

“Te amo.”

“Ti amo.”

“Je t’aime.”

“I love you.”

**************

Sitting on their aging porch swing, Aelin found herself sorting through faded pictures. There was one of them in a poodle skirt and leather, of flared bell bottoms and disco lights, of wild hair and rock concerts they still sing along to. There was one of them from New Year’s Eve, bedecked in glitter and tassels that had been shot off the moment that the millennium ended. And another one, taken a few seconds later – thank you Polaroid technology – of Rowan dipping Aelin, his arms wrapped around her as they both smiled too hard to really keep up their kiss, as they welcomed a new day, a new year, a new century and millennium. Giddy about what was to come.

“I think that’s enough reminiscing,” she finally whispered, reorganizing the images and replacing the lid on the box.

 “Yeah?” Rowan asked, just as quietly.

Aelin smiled, pressed a kiss to his lips, intertwined their fingers so their wedding bands glinted in the fading light, and answered, “Yeah. For now.”

*******

@acourtofsnakes @a-frog-with-a-laptop @astra-ad-mare @autumnbabylon @backtobl4ck @bankerfrog @becarefuloflove @camerooonchiu @captain-swan-is-endgame @charlizeed @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @doubt-less @earthtolinds @elentiyawhitethorn @feyretales @goddess-aelin @highqueenofelfhame @jorjy-jo @julemmaes @leiawritesstories @lemonade-coolattas @llyncooljones @mariamuses @moodymelanist @morganofthewildfire @nerdperson524 @rhysiedarling @rowaelinismyotp @rowaelinrambling @rowanaelinn @shyvioletcat @stardelia @superspiritfestival @sv0430 @swankii-art-teacher @thegreyj @the-lonelybarricade @the-regal-warrior @tomtenadia @westofmoon @whimsicallyreading @rowaelinscourt

[anashins]

hi mina, happy new year! starting off 2023 good through sending u a request!! i dunno if you have done this but can i request idol!jaehyun x actress!reader? but rather than reader who's fangirling over him, it's the other way around. like jh has been watching reader's works, praised her acting n recommends few of her works n stuff on live. so when they get paired tgt for a drama, they make such a cute couple both off and on screen, constantly giving compliments to e/o, etc., the rest is yours to tell!! thank you!!

(this is my manifestation of actor jaehyun to make a comeback in 2023, hopefully 🥲)

Pairing: idol!Jaehyun x actress!reader

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 1k

A/N: HNY, dear! Let's manifest actor!Jaehyun in a romantic role that makes us all swoon 😍

“You did well - J.”

You twisted the card in your hands, inspecting the front and the back, but not much else information had been sent along with the flowers that had waited for you in the dressing room on your last day of shooting. 

It was normal for actors to get flowers and gifts once they finished filming, but you usually knew who sent them - staff, crew, friends, family members. There wasn’t a person in your narrow circle of acquaintances starting with the letter ‘J’ and not having written their full name on the cards except for the mysterious sender of the pink peonies. 

Out of all flowers, they were your favorite ones, that much they knew.

“Do you know who sent them?” you asked your assistant, but she also only shrugged.

“They got brought in with all the other gifts.” She paused and then widened her eyes as though she got hit by a sudden realization. “I bet it’s Jaehyun! How funny would that be?”

You blinked still in confusion. “Who?”

“Jaehyun from NCT. The one you’re shooting your next drama with? The lead? Hello?”

“Ah, you mean Jeong Yuno. I don’t perceive him as the idol he is. Under his real name, he’s only my co-actor.” 

You were only a casual listener to k-pop, but of course you knew NCT. When you had first gotten casted for this new coming of age drama, you were so happy to finally do something that wasn’t targeted to teens only that you didn’t care much about who the lead was, that was how much you trusted the respectful director. When it was announced that Jaehyun from NCT would do his second drama alongside you in this challenging project, you had been initially doubtful. He was an idol, not an actor, and idol dramas had quite the reputation you didn’t want to live up to. You hoped he too.

“I saw his Instagram live yesterday.” Your assistant was a certified fan with her bias being Doyoung. “He recommended your newest release and encouraged his fans to look forward to this one. He’s certainly such a fanboy of yours.”

“... he did?” You looked at the flowers and the card again. “He certainly got a lot of praise for his first drama.”

“I told you so!”

You allowed yourself to smile, getting caught up in a wishful thought that your assistant could be right and the flowers came from him, although you hadn’t even met personally yet. He was indeed very handsome, and from what you had seen, kind and respectful too, certainly a nice lead to act alongside with.

“Are we getting flattered, y/n?” she teased.

“No way!” you defended yourself. “Could be anyone else too. Quite a few celebs recommend my works, it probably has nothing to do with him.”

“Whatever you say, but that’s my guess.”

____

“Jaehyun, how was your experience working alongside y/n for your newest drama? She’s praised as the greatest actress of this generation.”

Jaehyun looked at the interviewer. He had been booked today for a photoshoot and an article with this magazine, of course questions about his latest work were inevitable. 

“She certainly is,” he answered. “She’s been in the industry since she was a child, so she has a lot of experience and could teach me many things since this is my second drama only. We practiced our scenes together a lot, so that the director would be satisfied and not many re-shoots were needed. She’s a capable and helpful co-actress.”

“What was an incident that stuck with you while filming?”

“One day, I came in sick, but we really needed to close this certain scene at the venue. Y/n waited for me with a thick blanket in which she wrapped me once I finished filming so that I wouldn’t be too cold. Aside from being a great actress, y/n is a great person too, always looking out for others.”

Jaehyun knew the last sentence was probably pushing it, but he got a kick out of it, wondering how much of it could make it through the editing process since he had read through the internet as well. Most of his fans were head over heels for such facts that supported their fictional ship. Truth to be told, he hadn’t expected such a positive reception, especially since they had quite a few kissing scenes too. 

“Okay…” The interviewer raised his brow over Jaehyun’s open attitude.  “You once admitted you were a fan of y/n or better say her works, even before shooting the drama. While filming, it was quite obvious that you got along well, not only during your scenes together, but also privately as you constantly talked and joked around. Would you say the fondness you had developed for each other on screen transferred to off screen? Fans would certainly be delighted. They even refer to you as the next Song couple.”

“This is not an appropriate question,” the manager interrupted. “I would ask you to stick to the questions approved beforehand.”

“Yes, but only this additional one… y/n recently got spotted wearing a shirt you once wore as well that wasn’t even produced by the designer anymore and was a bit too large for her. How can you explain this?”

“Please stick to the approved questions,” the manager chided again, obviously ready to throw hands.

“With an occupation in the entertainment industry, not as an idol but now also as an actor, I wouldn’t have so much time for a relationship,” Jaehyun cleared up. “In the future, I would like to continue concentrating on drama roles while simultaneously giving my best to contribute to the group. Please look forward to NCT’s comeback next month.”

“Thank you, Jaehyun.”

____

When Jaehyun had finished his last schedule for the day, he got into the car. It was already dark outside, but he still pulled out his phone to dial a certain number. She picked up right after the first ring.

“Listen…” he began and sighed, “I know you like wearing my clothes. But can you please not pick out one from years ago that people might recognize? They are sharp-eyed.”

She giggled at the other end of the phone. “I’m sorry, it looked so cozy. Are you already on your way?”

“Yes. See you in a few. I brought a gift.”

On the seat next to him, there was a bouquet of pink peonies.

[donnerpartyofone]

4, 7, 15

Thanks pal!

4. I'm looking forward to a bunch of things I guess, although also everything makes me so nervous that anticipation is never untainted! I'm looking forward to my book coming out, even though it has all sorts of little flaws that I can barely prevent myself from spontaneously defending/confessing. I'm looking forward to a blu-ray commentary I'm gonna record soon (can't announce yet) plus a bunch of writing I got assigned, all really cool things but I know how much work they are and I wonder if I'm going to survive it every time! I'm looking forward to a horror event I have to host in a couple weeks; it's insanity, I'm paying $$$ for travel and lodging to be on a stage for probably ten minutes to just sort of be the face of the event and provide "support", but that's what it means to me apparently. I think that I should try to find some longer term things to look forward to, but that will be a whole project, I've always had a lot of trouble with goal formation. I'm always doing one short-term thing at a time and feeling like I barely got away with it.

7. 2023 was really insane. My mental health was crumbling really badly in tandem with our tiny, ridiculous apartment where we had lived for ten years. There were huge ups and downs with the big TBA project I basically gave my life to, that I may never be able to "A" but hopefully some day someone will tell me if it is officially cancelled so I can at least talk about it a little. I also wrote my book and I got a chance to go to London to record my first blu-ray commentary, which was a huge adventure and it happened amidst a bunch of really complicated dramatic events I don't have the space for; it was like, we moved out of our apartment, and somebody died, and I had to get on a plane to another country immediately, and I still have this feeling like I went through a portal to another dimension and when I landed at home again it was in another universe and that's where I've been ever since. I got to do some major writing projects that kind of felt like, well OK I did THIS, maybe it will be alright if I die now. I got to be on the jury of the local horror film festival and that was really awesome...and I'm starting to realize that this roundup makes it sound like I'm an incredibly ambitious and busy professional person who is fulfilling her dreams, but none of this stuff pays the bills and I am chronically unemployed, and I seem to have a lot of cognitive and intellectual problems, and I'm just terrified that I'm going to have to starve to death eventually. Toward the end of the year I tried to go back into therapy (round 3) and the search itself was really frightening, but when I finally picked someone I had made a really bad choice and the ~3 sessions I had with her fucked up my mind so badly, I wasn't OK for like two months. I still need to figure that out though, there's a lot of stuff wrong with me.

15. Personality description, wow. Maybe it would be fun to do one of those Marvel cards with all my "stats". How do I answer this? My instinct is to list all my pathologies, but then I think I should say what I'm like socially, but then I remember that I'm pretty different from one situation to another. I have incredible anxiety and I'm always tired from a lot of heavy duty masking, but the masking is 1 part survival instinct and 1 part compassion for others I would say. Almost all of my relationships are these intense one-on-one bonds, I don't do well in groups or with people who can't sustain a long conversation about one thing. But even with people I really know and love I have trouble being spontaneous, I have to script all my phone calls just in case I suddenly lose my mind. I think a lot of people perceive me as like really tough and self-possessed and even ambitious, which blows my mind; I've had a number of relationships that fell apart because the person came up with the fantasy that I was this bad bitch and then they were disappointed that I'm actually really vulnerable and nervous and incompetent. I'm not completely sure what that's about, but I think it could be partially a "social cues" problem; like sometimes I don't realize that I'm being inappropriately harsh until it's too late, and other times I'm like daring myself to be more honest and frank because I think that I'm too meek and it's not normal and people don't like that and I should practice having more self-confidence...and then I'm mortified when I find out the hard way that I was being inappropriate. But the one thing I can probably say without reservation is that I have a great sense of humor. It's like my prized possession, an incredible survival tool, and it keeps me entertained even when I have nothing else.

[rui-drawsbox]

hey dude

how did you develop your art style? ive been drawing for years and I cant seem to get a handle on ANYTHING

4 almost 5 days late sorry dude you shot right into my inability to put thoughts into words properly HAHA

alright so first of all, i don't even think a style is something you need to do art. I'm a hobbyist apologist and as long those people enjoy creating it doesn't even have to look "good".

That aside i'm assuming you want to take art at least a little seriously so i'm just going to be straight forward and say that the only way is ping-pong between styles/techniques/themes and just stick with the stuff you feel more comfortable doing.

Now going into my personal experience, that's what you asked after all lolol (from now on this is just yapping so feel free to ignore it)

alr soooo im skipping my first steps into art and going into the humanoid phase. I actually started with sonic! Specifically the show Sonic X, of course i picked up mannerisms from the anime when it was time of doing comedic doodles (and cuestionable taste on fashion)

(im going thru my big inspirations so bear with me here)

2015 came and i discovered my two main inspirations for a long time: fnaf and Ed00chan! (link to her abandoned deviantart so yall can see the style of the time). As i was completely enamored by her anime-yet-cartoony style i was also hyperfixated with fnaf and those two things combined perfectly into (the infamous in the spanish side of the fnaf fandom) fnafhs! bing bang boom there it goes my personality for the next 5 years!

sprinkle a few power puff girls z too why not

anyway at that time i wanted to become a pro like ed00 so i had to understand anatomy, and my go-to channel was Bgm94! But the elders said that to broke the rules you have to understand them, so i just kind-of started doing more "realistic" bodies while maintaining the cartoony-ness i liked so much. Which to be fair, didn't last long before i got bored and jumped straight into cartoon/chibi again

also since we're entering my digital era i'm including some drawings with wild style changes since the experimentation never ends owo9

anyway that was 2018 and before! it was around 2017-18 that i dropped the general tutorials and just started experimenting on my own style/anatomy and trying to improve my skills (im ignoring my sketchbooks bc from now on they just become- well, sketchbooks, instead of doing full drawings i just doodled in classes and leaved the detail for digital stuff)

i would love to include all my 2019 folder bc i consider it was a year full of love for my silly doodles but tumblr has a limit for images HAHA. Hopefully you can see how i go trying out stuff and pick little stuff from every stage with me lolol

2020 hits and you can *see* my hyperfixation with twisted wonderland here, at least my folder is 60% twst drawings i made for my fanfic at the time LOL. Not so many style jumps here tho so let's keep going

2021 and 2022 here! at the second half of 2022 i found my oh so beloved crunchy brush and i also fell hard for Arashi Narukami, so basically my tumblr became an arashi fanpage lol

stuff at 2023 keeps pretty the same until now tbh, the only highlight would be the re-inclusion of noses bc of spiderverse 2. My style also has been pretty well maintained since i started doing commissions so i don't really do so much experimentation anymore, at least not with proportions and such.

alr so that was my journey on artstyle! Of course it's not like you're gonna guess all my process just by looking at the images so i'll say what type of stuff i feel influenced my decisions.

i'm very lazy and for a log time i just abandoned my projects if it prolonged more than a day or two, that obviously made me lean into the cel/plain shading rather than spending hours and maybe days rendering (not that i don't try rendering every now and then but i don't enjoy spending so much time in a single piece)

everyone around me always has been extremely supportive so i had the privilege of dedicating all my soul to drawing silly characters haha, i feel like since i never felt the need of comparing myself to others i could actually experiment so unapologetically with my style until i was satisfied

finding an actual brush that i like is always crucial to me tbh, even in traditional i'm pretty picky with how the ink and type of pen i'm using. Of course, i also tried multiple traditional art techniques (watercolor, acrylics, crayons, pencils, pastels, my favorite are pen+markers)

i dont like feets. that shows until today.

in general i think an artstyle is something extremely personal that every person has to shape themselves and that it can't really be a permanent thing, it's gonna fluctuate with the artist whenever they like it or not.

[zerodaryls]

19, 22, 23 (the temptation to ask 12 was sooooo strong ((i mean maybe you made more than one but jeez who does that lol)).)

<3

19. What’re you excited about for next year?

hate that this is the first thing that came to mind but i'm really lookin' forward to getting a tax return so i can put it toward my next Wales trip (though that probably won't be until a couple years later lol)

but like. other than that i don't really have a lot of Concrete things i'm looking forward to next year. 2024 is largely unwritten in my mental Planner. i guess i'm excited about Possibilities. i've put myself out there with a couple business ventures (like, self-employment stuff that i'm hoping will work out for me so i can finally get my own place and have a comfortable schedule and stuff), and i'm hoping to publish my first novel in some way, so i'm curious and a lil anxious but still excited about where things might lead.

22. Favorite place you visited this year?

god that's a tough one because i did a lot of traveling this year lol. like, mostly all within a 2-hour radius of where i live, but i've explored a lot of towns and metro areas. i really like the Tennyson St area of Denver; it's like its own downtown and not half as overwhelming as the big city center.

a little further out was Trinidad, CO, and i really loved the vibe of that little town. the downtown was really charming, with a super cool history museum that had a special section dedicated to a Dr. Stanley Biber, who was known for doing gender-affirming surgeries from 1969 until he retired. he literally did over 3,000 bottom surgeries for trans people, and apparently at one time the town was known as "the sex change capital of the world". i didn't even fucking know that when i stopped off at this town, what a pleasant surprise!! there were several visibly queer/trans people in town (yes i'm going off vibes but like. c'mon. my gaydar is excellent) and stickers in the windows of local businesses proclaiming them to be accepting, affirming, safe spaces. <3

i went into a local artist co-op shop and the guy who ran it was sitting there whittling at his latest wood project, and he talked to me for a while about how he moved there a few years ago and absolutely loved it, how everyone was so warm and friendly, he made me wanna move there lol.

i think when i go places, what really makes a place stand out to me is the interactions i have with people there. i'm an introvert by nature but i really hold those short, sweet connections with strangers dear to my heart.

23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

god, i don't even remember what state i was in at the beginning of the year, so idk what would have benefited me most. i do wish i'd set aside a little more money to do the discovery flight thing this year. i'm gonna have to postpone it til next year, hopefully i can make it a birthday gift to myself toward the beginning of the year, lol, but i think if i could message myself in january 2023 i'd be like 'put like 200 bucks aside so you can fly a plane this year'

also 'do NOT buy that 80 dollar vibrator. it fucking sucks. the 20 dollar one is literally better. never buy expensive toys because they are never as good as you'd think they'd be'. 😅

[softsky-daily]

12/2/2023

Oops, no sky pic today.

Positive thing: I slept a lot, and had a very normal and chill day.

Since I stayed up until 7am rewatching 逃げ恥 scenes I woke up at like 2pm feeling disoriented as hell. But spending all day inside just quietly working on finals stuff and not stressing too much about things was really nice. The end of the semester finally feels close enough to be reassuring.

Earlier I was reminiscing about my undergrad years a bit. I remembered one night coming home late from hanging out with friends and thinking about how it seemed like life had peaked and now I wasn't sure what to look forward to. It's funny to think about it now, knowing that time of my life was absolutely not the best in any kind of way, but past me didn't have the privilege of hindsight so I can't blame her for thinking that.

I guess I was feeling nostalgic because I grow more and more certain of wanting to move to Japan, and coming up with plans to do so brought up all these other memories of trying to figure out my life. Japan is most definitely not a utopia by any means, but when I remember my last trip and just how at ease I felt blending into the crowd and knowing how safe it was, I think it suits me more than the USA does.

I think it'll be an adjustment when I do move there. The work culture is rough, as are the strict societal rules, and beyond that trying to make new in-person friends will probably be hard too, along with a bunch of other things people don't usually like to bring up about Japan, but even taking all those things into account I still feel pretty strongly about it. I watched a bunch of YouTube videos about foreigners in Japan and what their thoughts were and the concerns they brought up weren't new to me. Also a lot of them didn't actually know any Japanese which was surprising to me. Most had been there for several years and still said they hardly knew the language, which makes me curious about how they've been getting by living there.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm getting coffee with some friends and working on more finals stuff, so hopefully I can get finished up soon. I'd like to be done before I leave Thursday for California.

[kim-ruzek]

https://variety.com/2023/tv/news/why-did-jesse-lee-soffer-leave-chicago-p-d-interview-1235529696/

Thank you for sending me this! I had already seen and read it, but I appreciate you sending it me. You didn't leave any text over than this link, so I'm just taking an educated guess and assuming you sent in me because it's fucking vindication to everything I said last year when shit was going down. Hopefully now I'll stop seeing stupid people talk about how Jesse was pushed out/stopped from doing interviews. Also that people will start, like what I've been saying from the start, understanding that even if jay's actions aren't in character that's just what has to happen because Jesse isn't in it anymore, now that he himself highlighted that.

If only people could've waited before assuming this and that, to such the degree they did with such unfounded certainty we as a fandom could've avoided a whole division.

But I am glad that we got confirmation, and that Jesse seems to be enjoying this next stage of his life.

Now, since they came right after each other, I'm presuming the other link sent to me was you as well. I'm not going to answer that one, especially as there's no text explaining why you sent it me, although I'm assuming it's largely the same as this one (for vindication that yep she's still an awful person) but that's just because I don't want anything to do with her. Sorry if that just happened to be another person, and hopefully they'll see this.

I just want to note though that in the future maybe not send that sort of stuff because I'm not caught up on CF and don't know too much about what's been happening other than the basic stuff to my faves and that actually gave me a spoiler that I was looking forward to maybe one day watching be revealed.

Anyway, thank you for this ask! 💖

[ghostoftheyear]

AO3 Wrapped 2023

Rather than attempt to reblog this (or wait and hope for asks), I just decided to fill out this whole thing. Was pretty fun.

How many words have you written this year? 38,232 (that's the published count, not sure what the WIP count looks like)

How many works did you publish this year? 5 (I'm counting "secure yourself" even though I started posting it in 2022)

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? Honestly, probably "secure yourself", even though it has its issues. The fact I've managed to get so much written on it makes me happy. Second place is "worthy".

What work of yours has the most hits? "melting of snow" with 768, go off you funky little minkao fans

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? None of them, really. I have learned not to expect any feedback at all anymore, and I rarely get it.

Favorite title you used I love "secure yourself to heaven" because every lyric from the song, which is by the Indigo Girls, works for the fic.

If you use song lyrics, which artist's songs did you pull from the most? Not applicable.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? Koujaku/Aoba barely wins with 2 fics, "thank u, next" and "secure yourself". Three if you count "Old Enough", but that includes all the other Aoba pairings, too.

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? Koujaku/Aoba will never not be my DMMd OTP. I always love writing them and always will.

What work was the quickest to write? I guess "melting of snow" because it's a fairly short PWP and for a change, the sex was quick to write as well.

What work took you the longest to write? Seeing as it's still incomplete (but hopefully not for much lnger), "secure yourself". It's taken over two years, actually, as I started writing it in October of 2021.

How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year? Counting only the active ones, 8. Some are more active than others. There are still a few I have in reserve as well, but just haven't had the motivation to work on in a long time.

What's your longest work of the year? "secure yourself", currently at 27,072 words (ooh, palindromic!)

What's your shortest work of the year? "melting of snow" at 1,380 words

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? um, all of them? (perhaps I don't understand the question; do people traditionally abandon their WIPs because of an arbitrary date change?)

What's your most common "Additional Tags" tag? I tend to tag according to content, I don't like rambling in tags.

Your favorite character to write this year? uhhhhhhhhhhh I guess maybe Camus/the White Devil just because he has an interesting thought process I don't usually tackle.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? I don't feel like any of them really gave me trouble.

What's one pairing you want to explore next year? I really could not tell you. I've already got a variety on my WIP plate.

Which work of yours have you reread the most? From this year? "secure yourself", just because I needed to keep a lot of stuff forward in my mind as I went.

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 164

Which work has the most comments? "melting of snow", you horny bastards

Did you do any collaborative works this year? Nope.

Did you write any gifts this year? No, for the first time in a while.

Did you receive any gifts this year? No.

What's your most common category? m/m (lbr I barely ever write anything else)

What do you listen to while writing? Nothing. Music with lyrics messes up my writerbrain, so it's usually just silence interspersed with occasional cat screams.

Favorite work you wrote this year? Didn't I answer this already?

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? There's a couple lines from "worthy" I'm particularly pleased with still: when Camus observes that Malraux "kisses as fiercely as he fights", and then "At this moment, Camus thinks he might be wasted as a cook, too." Also, Mink in "melting of snow": "He never thought he'd have the ability, let alone the opportunity, to be gentle again. He can't help but revel in it a little."

Biggest surprise while writing this year? The fact that I was able to sustain the writing on "secure yourself" despite only having one person really be interested in it. Sometimes you have to be your own cheerleader. It felt like a bit of a stepping stone for me as a writer.

[ryanmillerprocess]

Visual Presents

October 14. 2023.

Today was spent working on the creative brief and mood board for this new assignment.

October 16. 2023.

Today was spent thinking of how to create an informational package on Rooster Teeth that would align with their ideals and style. A video is really the only thing that makes sense for a video production company.

The plan is to create a video filled with references to the company while providing information on the company.

October 18. 2023.

I am struggling with coming up with a way to make this work that I'll be happy with. I don't know how to work the videos into the narrative I'm trying to write.

I've been looking through old videos to help remind me of the older videos I used to watch, and that is helping, but I still don't know how to make it work. Just have to keep at it I guess.

October 23. 2023.

After thinking it over all weekend and scrolling through 13 years of YouTube content, I am finally starting to see a clearer picture of what I could do to produce something I can be happy with.

I picked out a few videos that I can replicate that were moments from the history of the company that stood out in my mind. I've been trying to write a script to help layout how I'm going to use these videos, but 3 rough drafts later and it's starting to get frustrating. This writing stuff is hard. I'll keep with it, but I'm running out of time and I need to start shooting so I'll have something to work with.

October 25. 2023.

Finally started shooting for this project. I spent a couple hours setting up and shooting short videos for the compilation I'm making. I always forget how fun it is to just experiment with setups and throwing something together to make it work. I feel much better about the project, and I'm looking forward to doing the rest of it.

I have a rough schedule for the rest of my shots, and locations to take them in. I still have a lot to do, but it's getting closer to something I can be happy with.

October 30. 2023.

Spent the weekend shooting for the project. Got shot by some paintballs, got some regular balls thrown at me. productive weekend.

Today we played Jeopardy instead of having a quiz, so that was fun. Our team won and earned a 48 hour extension on a project of our choice. Hopefully won't be needing that.

November 1. 2023.

Last night I tried rewriting the script and couldn't do it, so I went back to watching videos for inspiration. I think I have a way better idea, which unfortunately means I am going to have to re shoot a few things and completely start over on the video editing. I'm glad I like doing this stuff otherwise I'd be panicking right now. Probably going to need that extension though.

The idea is to recreate the intro of the first episode of immersion and then go straight into the videos I've shot. I recorded the originals without considering the audio because I was going to voice over them while talking about the history of the company and my introduction to them. Now that I've scrapped that idea, I have videos that might not work with the new idea. I'll see if I can make it, but hopes are low, maybe that'll let me surprise myself.

November 3. 2023.

The project is due today. I have made a lot of progress and I'm feeling very good about this project. It's still not what I want, but it's better than before. I also thought of remaking the original case of the season 1 DVD for RVB. Just more work for myself, but it's more authentic and fun. Feeling grateful for that extension right now.

November 4. 2023.

The last stretch of the project is always the most stressful. I need to get better at gathering all my pictures and information in the same place throughout the whole process of the project.

Progress Pictures

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary52

11/2-3/2023

thursday - friday

busy today again but in a better way.

i hung out with friends all night basically, we went to olive garden which was fun. surprisingly fine, it's been over 10 years since i've been there. i don't know if i would ever decide to go again, but i basically liked it i think. i didn't get to record today because i woke up late, i need to wake up early tomorrow, not to record, maybe i will, but i have an interview to get ready for, for a local magazine. for some reason they want to talk to me about my music, i guess i know why, a friend is doing this column and she likes how i dress, the column is fashion/music, like how your style informs your music or the other way or profiling you off how you look and the music you make. i'm kind of looking forward to it, even if i found out today that the photographer has dropped out last minute to leave my friend not knowing what to do beyond use her phone camera, which is maybe good enough or maybe not, it depends on the model of iphone you have basically, or if you own one of the nicer phones that has an insanely good camera. i'm also bringing my digicam from 2001 with me if she needs it. hopefully that can help out, but we will see, it can only do 1600x1200 at most, and that's not bad but i think basically every phone takes photos at a higher res, it's just that the lens on my cam is a lot nicer, the focal length is better, all that good stuff. these phone cameras are kind of woeful in a lot of ways basically, the newer ones are really good but like, the older ones seem designed to give people dysmorphia, which everyone has basically. anyways we will see about how the photography portion goes tomorrow. i am so sensitive about how i look in photos so i don't even know if i am going to look at what comes out. i'll have to if i have someone take photos of me with my camera, to send to her. i hope i don't go crazy tomorrow because of that.

anyways my day was eventful but nothing like, crazy. i dunno, that shouldn't stop me from talking about it, but it was a lot of my friend and i talking about music, mostly him talking about his current struggles, in his band, solo, his dissatisfaction with what he's been writing musically lately, the disconnect he feels with bandmates, all that stuff, and it's all his stuff so all i can say is i hope he ends up doing better soon, it's pretty sad to hear his frustrations, and how he seems to feel like he's less in control, and less able to do what he wants, and less enthused about certain things.

unrelated to the above:

i wonder if there's any good way to make anyone reflect on how they behave better. i can't figure out how to help someone know how they make me feel, or what they do that upsets or bothers me, because criticism of them makes them so upset, immediately and without fail they just kind of fall apart, becoming miserable and not really hearing what i'm saying. i guess i can come off too mean, or something, i never want to hurt anyone's feelings but i don't know how to say things like 'i don't like it when you talk over me how you do' and they'd know immediately how they do it often, and feeling like there's no way to take back all those bad feelings, they'd just become guilt ridden and need me to assure them that they're actually fine. which defeats the purpose of me saying anything, right? i don't know. it's easier to talk about it here. it makes me sad i feel like have to, i'd like to say anything, but it's more or less that they can say things to me, and i want them to, but i don't feel okay bringing anything up to them. maybe just putting it here will make me care less. or even how they bring up frustrations, like they said i was making music too loud in my friend's room w/ him, while they were working on homework, but they said it like i was doing it on purpose, and like i was making a loud noise on purpose, but it wasn't because i wanted them to be mad or not focused, i turned it down, of course, i didn't mind that part. it's part of a larger issue of not thinking about how they come across because they've never had anyone really take issue i guess, maybe i'm too sensitive. i like them a lot no matter what i guess, so maybe this just doesn't matter at all, and i am just too sensitive, and the ways i feel are stupid or something. i think because i'm too sensitive and basically stupid i end up being cold, because i can't do anything about how i feel and them wanting me to not be like that, they feel burnt. i think i am the problem here, or i want to say i am because i think i have more control over that, but i can't stop being frustrated sometimes. it's so annoying, i don't want to be frustrated.

anyway i should just go to bed soon, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!

[letters-between-friends]

a midyear reflection

Dearest Tabi,

Apologies for bringing up that topic. I guess it's just one of the topics that I have a lot to say as it changed a lot of my perspective on things.

But anyway, it is already my birth month! I am excited to be 30! I dreaded this age when I was 26 to 28 years old. But at 29, I realized that I will be starting a new decade. A decade where I can give back to myself by taking care of it instead of gifting it with material things (haha).

Last June, I keep thinking to myself what I want to do on my birthday. Do I want to travel solo again or celebrate with friends? Or just maybe having dinner at a high-end restaurant dressed in sophisticated clothes. But alas, I find myself penniless on my birthday again. I can't even remember when was the last time I enjoyed my birthday the way I wanted it to be.

Maybe, that is the universe telling me to stop thinking that I have to do something grand to celebrate and instead focus on the things around me that I should be grateful for.

So to start my birth month, I am writing this letter to tell you what I am grateful for in the first half of 2023.

------

1. Officially closing my last relationship

I am grateful to my January self for recognizing that to be able to move forward, I need to make sure that I won't give myself reasons to feel something for my ex, may it be positive or negative. I am glad that I was reasonable even though it means that things ended not the way that I imagined (like getting a laptop in the process).

2. Finally resigned from my job

After a long process, I was able to resign from my job after trying for almost a year but never finding the "right time". Finally, I've come to terms that maybe it's just not the right job for me and I don't need to fix myself just to feel better about it.

3. Solo Traveling!

My teenage self will be so happy to learn that I finally had the courage to try solo traveling! It was my first time booking flights and being fully independent! I really love my time in Boracay and just doing things without worrying about other people.

Hopefully, I can do it again before the year ends.

4. Reconnecting with friends

I tried reaching out to my friends again. I must admit, I neglected them during my three-year relationship. I always think that I don't have enough money to hang out etc. And since I came back here to our family home, I made conscious efforts to reach out and see them personally. I am so happy that after 3-4 years of not seeing each other, we were still able to talk about stuff. I really appreciate low-maintenance friendships.

5. Setting standards and following through

So after I had fun, I started job hunting again with clear criteria on what kind of job I wanted to have. I am so happy. It took me a while and there were a lot of times that I want to give up and just get a so-so job. But I'm glad I was given the privilege to hold and wait for the universe to give me what I want.

This gave me so much power and hopefully, I can apply this to other areas of my life.

6. Learning my priorities

This year also is a wake-up call for me on who are the people I should prioritize. My dad's hospitalization shooked me a lot this year and has given me a lot of thoughts to think about.

I guess the best thing I learned about myself in that chapter of my life is that it became another fuel to my mindset of "no problem is big enough that I won't be able to stand up again."

7. Taking care and validating myself

I still have a lot to learn about this, but now I am in a space where I want to look good and do great for myself and not for anyone.

Up next is taking care of my health.

------

To summarize (haha), I am grateful that finally I am gaining back my power and I'm coming back to who I really am with a better version! There is still a lot to think about and figure out but I am happy to be in a space where I can say, that I can do it, and I can get through it because I am Ana :)

What about you? What are the things you are grateful for this year? I would like to hear about your reflections for this midyear. I think this is the year we connected the most but even though I am updated with your life, I am still curious about your own list and your take on it.

Love lots,

Ana

[kittyfairyblog]

June 5 2023 cont.

 Meow meow, this neko boy has good news. My cell phone, wallet and medical alert bracelet has been found. My mom recieved word from the place that I had been for two weeks straight that my wall, cell phone and medical alert bracelet has been found. So hopefully they will mail it to my house and I will get my belongings back. I am really happy and grateful that they found it. I am a little mifted that they didn’t bring me my belongings when I left there in the first place. Meow this neko boy is happy none the same. I did have a little time today where I cried because I couldn’t get a hold of my phone or facebook. I also felt like nothing changed since I was gone. That everything still worked the same. I hope to find employment because I can’t have the same crap happen day in and day out where I don’t have anyone to talk to on a daily basis other than my folks and my family. I have an doctor’s appointment tomorrow where it is at 8 am in the morning. Meow this neko boy is looking into finding employment at either Walmart, Dollar General or Dollar Tree. Hopefully I can find work nearby where it won’t do any harm to my family’s routines. Nya this neko boy did some writing in my book today. I am totally glad to have this blog to release my thoughts and frustrations into. Meow this neko boy hasn’t really been into playing any video games since returning from the hospital. I don’t know hy, I just haven’t been. The only things that changed today is the fact that there wasn’t any kids to run or walk in front of our house. I am glad of that fact and I hope that continues to take place where none causes my dog to bark. Meow this neko boy is happy to hear that my cell phone again has been found. Meow this neko boy is having a very good time right now while in my bedroom. Meow I am listening to Perfume JPOP group on YouTube as I type this. My dad goes to work after a while around 6:40 PM but before he does my dad has dinner. Meow I am looking forwards to having my cell phone again and as well as access to my own Facebook account. I did however yesterday create a new account on Facebook but I did nothing with it. I am hoping I really don’t have to use that new account so that I can keep with my groups and stuff. My mom has since returned from the mall with my sister and her kids to the house. She is making dinner as we speak. I can’t wait to pretake of the food. Meow I know that my blog entries are full of no paragraphs but I am not saying that I am perfect or anything like that. This is however not a book hehe. Meow this neko boy has to get used to the routines of the house again since this week is work for my dad. Meow this neko boy hopefully can get Japanese lanague down pat. Not just the verbal part but the written part. Hopefully also I can get work so that I don’t have to feel lonely and stuff like that. I mean I went from two weeks where I had the ablitiy to talk to people to going home where I don’t have people to talk to. Meow meow this neko boy hopefully can get employment as I mentioned before. I am excited to get my belongings back. Meow well that’s pretty much it. I guess I will get back to whatever I was doing before this. I might get on my desktop computer or my Amazon FIre TV and watch a show or something or I might get back to watching YouTube non-music videos. Other than that, that’s about it. Meow well hope everyone is doing pretty good. Meow later all. 

[s-tiff-neck]

Day 18. March 3, 2023. Friday.

Today's better. I guess.

I have had such a bad week and I'm just really hoping that I have a good day today. I'm just so grateful to be able to have positive thoughts and happy things to think about and look forward to. And hello! It's Friday.

Anyway, hopefully I can eat donut and have iced coffee. I've been craving them lately. Also, I just wanna watch Netflix and relax at home. I just got a My Melody planner/tracker yesterday and she's so flippin cute! I can't wait to start using her for budgeting and tracking! 💗

I just wanna fill my mind with thoughts that make me happy like pink, My Melody, my cute planner, motivational and relaxing videos, curating outfits, thinking of stuff to shop for, thinking of outfits, ofc, planning my feed, getting inspo from Pinterest, growing my hair out, redoing the room, watching cute series, getting cute pens and stationery, having my own brand ♡, being successful in a field I love!

I have learned to push negativity aside and just focus on the good. But today, all I can ever pray for is to be happy and slowly see how beautiful and blessed my life can be.

Also, Happy ------- Day! 🙏🏻💗✨

[holidaywishes]

It Had To Be You XLIII

Chapter Forty Three: Don’t Tell ‘Em

 Summary: Fast forward a year to June 2023 and It’s Bachelor Party time.

Warning: There’s a little bit more angst in this one than the last chapter but it’s still just for fun.

 Author’s Note: I’m going to try to have the rest of this series done in the next week or so but who knows, really, when they’ll be all finished. Keep in mind, even though I only put it at the start of the chapter, the whole thing is from Tyler’s perspective. Hopefully, that’s clear! Enjoy 😊

 Song Credit: Don’t Tell ‘Em -- Jeremih & YG

 masterlist

 the other masterlist

xx

Tyler’s P.O.V

  You wanted to stay in Dallas for your Bachelor Party because you didn’t want to have anything too crazy and the guys seemed to go along with it.

  “She had fun in Vegas huh?” Jesse laughed

  “She did. I’m glad she was able to let loose,” you smirked, “even just for one day”

  “She does seem a little tightly wound most of the time” Mike added, laughing to himself

  “Come on dude...” you scoffed

  “Am I wrong?” Mike scoffed, “I mean, come on, every time we hang out with her, she barely says a word.”

  “She’s a little shy, that doesn’t make her tightly wound” you answered before moving from the patio to the pool

  “She’s always silently judging us” Mike replied

  “No she’s not,” Jesse interjected, “you, maybe. The rest of us? Not so much”

  “Very funny” Mike chided

  “She’s a nice girl and I think she can smell the sleaze on you a mile away. So she stays away.” Jesse continued while you jumped in the pool; the dogs following quickly behind

  “All I’m saying is she doesn’t seem to... connect with us the way that you try to connect with her friends”

  “Mike,” you yelled, “stop. She tries to connect with everyone but she stays in contact with the people she feels comfortable with. You’re just not one of them”

  “I should be. I’m one of your best friends”

  “Stop whining!” Rads finally spoke up from where he sat near the grill, “you sound like a baby.” You laughed, tossing Gerry’s ball to the other end of the pool so he would chase it

  “Is that your problem with her?” you asked, climbing out of the pool, “that she doesn’t think you’re the shit?”

  “I AM THE SHIT!” Mike yelled back and the guys just laughed

  “Whatever,” you smirked, “I’m having the party here. (Y/N)’s back in Calgary to spend a little bit more time with Chris and Karen before the wedding. As long as nothing gets broken, everything is fine”

  “There’s no guarantee that nothing will get broken” Jesse joked

  “Well... try...” you smiled..

xx

  Jamie started setting up stuff for the party while you called (Y/N) to check in

  “How’s everything?” she asked

  “Good. I had a bit of a.. disagreement with Mike yesterday but it was dealt with,” you answered, “so we’re good”

  “Is he going to be a problem tonight?”

  “Not for me. He might be a problem for himself”

  “Right..” she hesitated, “I guess what I meant was is he going to cause problems for you...?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Don’t make me say it...”

  “Say what?”

  “Tyler...”

  “I honestly don’t know what you mean. I can take care of myself?” you questioned

  “Is he going to be inviting girls over and try to get you to.. do stuff?”

  “I can’t say he won’t,” you admitted, “but that doesn’t mean I’ll do anything. I love you. I’m marrying you. I don’t want any other girl.” You heard her sigh and you hoped it was out of relief

  “Okay. That makes me feel better.” You could hear the smile on her face but you had to make sure she knew,

  “There will be strippers though...”

  “I would hope so.” She laughed and you told her she had nothing to worry about before Jamie called you to help him with something

  “I should probably go”

  “Okay, love you!”

  “Love you!” You hung up the phone and wandered over to where Jamie was, laughing at the decorations he had put up

  “What?” he asked, turning his head when he heard your laugh

  “What is this?”

  “It’s a sign” he answered sarcastically

  “We don’t need that.”

  “Don’t need it or you don’t want it?”

  “Both? It’s just a party and I happen to be getting married...”

  “It’s a little more than just a regular party”

  “Yeah, maybe,” you answered, “but the point of having it here was to make it more... normal?”

  “Normal?”

  “You know.. like not themed or not a huge deal. Not about me. I have parties here all the time. This is just another party.”

  “Alright. If you say so,” he replied, “I’ll take down the sign.” Jamie did just that and you gave him an exaggerated thumbs up as you headed into the kitchen to grab your keys off the counter.

  “I’m going to pick up some stuff, need anything?”

  “GET SOME CHIPS!” he yelled to you

  “Okay!” you returned, leaving the house. While you were out, you suspected that the guys would cram in and have the house packed and music blaring by the time you got back. Sure enough, you pulled into your driveway to your door open, the music vibrating through your car and people piling inside.

  “THERE HE IS!” Jesse yelled when you walked through the door, “the guest of ‘Honour.’ Our favourite bachelor.”

  “Looks like you guys have been having a lot of fun already” you joked

  “You need a drink” Jesse said, directing you to the kitchen before taking you to play Beer Pong. It didn’t take you long to feel the effects of the alcohol and when Mike brought over a group of girls, who you swore were College freshmen, you turned back to your old self; flirting recklessly and draping your arms around each girl.

  “STRIPPERS ARE HERE!” Mike yelled when he noticed two women in uniform walk into the house. They sat you down in your living room and began their routine while your friends fed you drinks; by the time the girls were done, you were falling over your chair and your own feet when you finally stood up. It didn’t stop Mike, though, from getting the girls to grind on you while he took video of it.

  “You’re actually getting married?” the girl asked

  “Yeah” you slurred

  “Why?” she asked, leaning her head back to fall on your shoulder

  “Because she’s got him whipped” Mike laughed and the girls around you laughed

  “Because I love her” you corrected

  “And because you’re whipped”

  “Shut the fuck up, Mike” you looked up at him as he continued to film and the girl continued to dance on you

  “There’s nothing wrong with a little whipping,” he laughed, “as long as you’re able to whip back.”

 “You know, you run your mouth a lot, Seander,” you argued, finally moving away from the girl in front of you, “but you’re just a sad, little boy who can’t find someone to love him”

  “Oh is that right?”

  “Yeah that’s right!”

  “Okay, boys, calm down” Jamie tried separated you two, feeling the fight coming on

  “No, let him finish, Jamie” Mike yelled, slurring his words

  “Tyler don’t” Jamie pleaded

  “You’re a lonely, pathetic, fuckboy who can’t commit to one girl so you stoop to hooking up with girls almost half your age. Basically, you’re bordering statutory rape charges all for a good time”

  “And you’re a scared athlete who’s worried that no one will fuck him when his career is over that you’re marrying some bitch who judges every one around him”

  “I swear to fucking god, Mike, you say one more shitty thing about my fiancée and I’ll throw you into the window,” you seethed, barely noticing the circle of people forming around you and Mike, “you’re the only person she judges because she see’s right through you”

  “What the fuck does that mean?”

  “You’re never gonna grow up. You’re gonna be 80 years old and reliving ‘the glory days’ when girls actually wanted to suck your dick and get drunk with you. You’re gonna be a has-been before you’re 50. She see’s that and I see it too b--” Before you were able to finish your thought, his fist connected with your face and you stumbled backward for a second before launching forward and punching him in the jaw; starting a full on brawl that lasted somewhere between 10 and 20 minutes before you were pulled apart.

  “We’re done!” Mike yelled, “we’re over! You finally made the choice to end us!”

  “Whatever Mike,” you shouted back, “Walk away!” you turned and started toward your room, hearing footprints follow behind you

  “You’re gonna regret this!” he called after you and you couldn’t tell, really, what he was referring to but you couldn’t focus on it too much because you were starting to feel really tired; you fumbled with your phone when you sat down on your bed

  “Maybe you shouldn’t be calling anyone right now” a voice said, taking your phone from your hands

  “I just wanted to text her” you whined, looking for the face that went along with the voice

  “Don’t think that’s such a good idea either” she laughed and you finally found her. The girl from the kitchen who had been dancing on you before your fight with Mike

  “What are you doing in here?”

  “I brought you some ice” she admitted, sitting close to you to put the ice on your eye

  “Thanks” you whispered, thinking you’d take the ice away from you but you let her hold it there.

  “How are you feeling? That fight was pretty bad. Guess your girl doesn’t like your best friend?”

  “They’re just... different people”

  “You sure you wanna be with someone who’s so different from the people in your life?”

  “I love her”

  “Do you?” she asked, leaning forward slightly and you furrowed your brow

  “Where’s my phone?” you snapped, taking the bag of ice from her and pulling away from her

  “Here” she said, handing it to you and you sent (Y/N) an almost ineligible text

  “I miss you“ you started

  “Having fun?” she replied

  “Don’t want the fighting because I miss you”

  “What?”

  “He left and we fought and now dhevb bia nw”

  “Tyler, baby, I love you. but I think you should put the phone away and get some sleep.” You finished reading her text just as the girl took it back from you, making sure to send a quick reply before setting the phone aside

  “I love you” the message read and she knelt down in front of you to take the ice bag away

  “I love her”

  “Okay” she said, taking your shoes off before moving her hands up your thighs

  “I’m marrying her” you continued as her body connected closely to yours

  “I know” her eyes met yours and her hands circled around your neck and you reluctantly breathed across the skin on her neck

  “I want to marry her” the words were smothered by this girls lips connecting with yours. It was the last thing you remember and you hoped that it was all that happened.