#so i know that in the latter place they DO targeted support

[ginnymoonbeam]

Ep 8 of The On1y One had so much, but now that I've cried over the word "home" I wanna go back to the scenes between the teachers, because it hit some queer realities we don't often get in BL.

First, Jenny Yang noticing Lin Bei Ting's rainbow mug and asking if he supports gay rights. That's not code for asking if he's gay - in plenty of places and times, just being an ally is controversial and something you might need to be careful about revealing in a conservative workplace. I take all of Jenny's comments and warnings at face value there: she's letting him know this is not a safe place to be public as an ally. Of course he is also actually gay, so the threat to him is much higher, which is why he immediately gives her the mug.

Then the later scene, getting more into a dynamic that we've already seen where Zhao Xi is friendly to the point of gentle flirtation with Jenny, and Lin Bei Ting is clearly unhappy. When we first saw this in ep 7, I wondered if I'd been wrong to read Zhao Xi and Lin Bei Ting as already a couple, but seeing it here and with the previous conversation in mind, I think they are. There's "we're not saying anything but people can draw their own conclusions" closeted and then there's seriously for-real closeted where you might opt to do things like casually flirt with a female coworker to keep up the appearance, and the latter is what I see happening in these scenes. They would absolutely lose their jobs at the school and probably would have their business targeted if people thought they were a couple. Lin Bei Ting understands what Zhao Xi is doing and why, but it sucks and feels bad. The little apologetic "here's your tea too" moment said so much, in how they both understand what's happening here and there's not much Zhao Xi can do in the moment, in public, to make it up to him.

All this happening in an episode where it seems like the whole world is gossiping about Jiang Tian and Sheng Wang moving into the dorms just makes my heart ache for the boys, and the threats they might face. I think the juxtaposition is deliberate and I think Zhao Xi is having some of the same thoughts as the teachers discuss the kids. My read is that he knows or guesses Jiang Tian is gay and has been shepherding him a little on that basis, standing by to give him guidance or just a gleam of hope, in the way that we elder queers do when we see young ones that don't have home and family support. We'll see where it all goes, but I really love the way the elders have been woven into the story so far.

[y-rhywbeth2]

Gods and Clergy: Bhaal (OBSOLETE)

Link: Disclaimer regarding D&D "canon" & Index [tldr: D&D lore is a giant conflicting mess. Larian's lore is also a conflicting mess. You learn to take what you want and leave the rest]

Religion | Gods | Shar | Selûne | X | Mystra | Jergal | Bane #1 | Bane #2 | Bane #3 | Myrkul | Lathander | Kelemvor | Tyr | Helm | Ilmater | Mielikki | Oghma | Gond | Tempus | Silvanus | Talos | Umberlee | Corellon | Moradin | Yondalla | Garl Glittergold | Eilistraee | Lolth | Laduguer | Gruumsh | Bahamut | Tiamat | Amodeus | The rest of the Faerûnian Pantheon --WIP

I did an updated and much longer version here; this one is significantly less detailed and lacking.

I'm in a Durge and Orin mood, so we're getting the full details on Bhaal and his priesthood now. Fun fact, did you know the Dark Urge couldn't even die without Daddy's permission?

Featuring:

Intro: Do you realise this cult is basically a crime syndicate supported by the rich and powerful?

Priests: Hierarchy. Responsibilities. Murder. I rather like the ceremonial regalia, personally.

Deathstalkers: Teleporting! Killing people with your mind! Unlimited ressurections courtesy of Bhaal!! And yet more crazy shit!

Bhaal: Kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day. Also mortal backstory and the Slayer is absolutely nothing like the games depict it

Right then, "Bhaal awaits thee," and blah.

"Make all folk fear Bhaal. Let your killings be especially elegant, or grisly, or seem easy so that those observing them are awed or terrified. Tell folk that gold proffered to the church can make the Lord of Murder overlook them for today." - Bhaal's Dogma

Unsurprisingly for an ex-assassin, Bhaal is the patron god of assassins. Assassins, mercenaries, bounty hunters who aren't bringing their quarry in alive and, presumably, executioners all tend to send a prayer to Bhaal for success. Faithful were called Bhaalyn in the East and Bhaalists in the West. As BG3 takes place in Western Faerûn we'll use the latter.

Amongst these assassin worshippers we find the oh-so healthy individuals for whom killing is more than a job. These killers who regard their murders as a "pastime and a duty" join the clergy.

That said, Bhaalists do not murder indiscriminately. The taking of another life is a holy act, a lot of thought and planning goes into both the kill itself as well as what impact the death may have upon the world. Once the target is slain, they are to smear the victim's blood over their hands and draw Bhaal's symbol by the body with it. If Bhaal is pleased then the blood will vanish.

Bhaal supports and encourages his followers attaining wealth and comfort (it's a good hook to draw them in, and it makes him look good if his followers are successful, and more importantly: money is power, provides a shield against repercussions when caught, and opens doors), and in exchange for their worship his priest-assassins receive the priest spells and administer to the lay worshippers, who benefit second-hand. The assassins have an easier time killing people and getting rich and Bhaal profits from more prayer and death. A win for everyone (who didn't die in the process).

Bhaalist temples historically have spent their time founding and sponsoring guilds of assassins and thieves, including infamous organisations such as the Shadow Thieves of Amn. These guilds survived their patron's death, and while they were mostly businesses throughout the years of Bhaal's death many still paid homage (although there was some confusion involving his replacement, Cyric) and have presumably resumed worship. There's a massive old temple still functioning over in Thay; the Tower of Swift Death, and the assassins work closely with the Red Wizards who rule the country.

Bhaalists have no tolerance for rival guilds and organisations not following Bhaal (which would make them independent of their control) and will eliminate them. They will also root out anybody in the area that will attempt to oppose or otherwise interfere in their business and ensure they have freedom to go about their jobs/worship.

Their other job is to ensure the church has a steady income. They terrorise the commoners into paying tithes in exchange for safety from being sacrificed this tenday (a protection racket, basically) while leaving "economically and socially important individuals live unharmed." I mean, the peasantry have far less enemies to assassinate and gold to spend, so. Plus the rich and powerful are brilliant at turning a blind eye to crime when it benefits them, as well as making sure the evidence never sees the light of day - know which side your bread is buttered on, and all. Baldur's Gate has no law against the worship of Bhaal. Why do you think the original temple exists, after all? Bhaalists actively seek out and sway such potential patrons who would be... amenable to sponsoring and protecting their technically-legal church and its not so-legal activities in exchange for their services.

Urban temples of Bhaal are usually dark, subterranean affairs built under the city streets, containing countless branching tombs that are home to the bodies of the clergy's victims - said victims are usually wandering around down there as restless undead.

-

Bhaal's clergy can be recognised as Bhaalists by their ceremonial robes - full body robes of black or deep purple with a deep cowl. The robes will be randomly and violently streaked with flashes of violet. Their entire face is fully obscured by a black veil, to both hide their identity and make it appear as though the hood is empty for the intimidation factor.

The leader of the church - and thus all of the temples - in a region is the High Primate/Primistress, who can be identified by a red belt/sash they wear over their robes and the fancy curved ceremonial dagger that marks them as a high ranking priest and a specialty priest known as a Deathstalker - more about them in a moment.

High Primates spent much of their time planning the proper strategies of manipulating nearby rulers, inhabitants, and organizations into the deeds and behaviour that the Bhaalyn desired.

The head of a single temple is a Primate or Primistress. The Primate is directly served by the First Deaths, who in turn can call upon a council of the nine most senior clergy; the Cowled Deaths. Below them were the regular priests, who were known collectively as the Deathdealers and are referred to by the title Slaying Hand. A Bhaalist rises in the ranks by hunting and ritually killing a target with nothing but their bare hands, which they will then report to a higher ranking priest who will confirm that they are being truthful. If they are then there's a party, and a ritual sacrifice is held to celebrate.

When on a job they dress in black - in the form that suits whatever their preferred method of killing in. Leather armour, mage robes, whatever.

Bhaalists pray to their god before sleep. In the temple the entire congregation comes together to pray in a formal ceremony called "Day's Farewell"). Bhaalists are also to pray before setting out on a murder.

Bhaalists only observe one holy day. It's the Feast of the Moon, a continent-wide holiday for honouring the dead and honouring one's ancestors. Bhaalists have their own spin on it where they remember dead Bhaalists and celebrate with stories of murder to honour them.

All Bhaalists are to commit a murder every tenday at midnight, should they be unable to fulfil this duty then they are to kill two people in place of the one who should've died that day. Before the victim dies, the murderer is to ensure that they know their killer and that they died as a sacrifice to the God of Death; "Bhaal awaits thee, Bhaal embraces thee, none escape Bhaal."

-

The specialty priests of Bhaal, those who dedicate their devotion and worship no god other than him, are the Deathstalkers.

One does not have to be a cleric to join the ranks, though the majority are. Rogues, rangers, barbarians and fighters are the most common, but all classes make an appearance (and most are multiclassed clerics)

To become a Deathstalker one must have murdered sixteen sapient creatures in sixteen different methods with sixteen different weapons. This presumably is also the rite of passage to becoming a member of the Brethren of the Keen Strike - an order of Bhaalist assassins to which all Deathstalkers belong.

Distressingly for people who aren't Bhaalist, Bhaal's Deathstalkers regained their Bhaalist abilities around 1372 DR, following the end of the Bhaalspawn Crisis, and resumed their duties, spreading death and terror in his name as they worked to bring him back to full power. The most popular argument for how the priests of a dead deity were getting their spells is that another god - likely Cyric, was granting them spells disguised as Bhaal. However, in the wake of the Bhaalspawn Crisis and the wave of fear felt towards Bhaal that resulted (which counts as prayer), the rumour mill became very fond of the idea that, despite how the crisis ended, Bhaal had still managed to resurrect at least some scrap of himself through that fear and the God of Murder was haunting the Realms once more.

The various abilities Bhaal gifts to his Deathstalkers include the following:

[From 3.5e] The ability to identify key weaknesses in a target by studying them for only a few moments, killing them in a single strike. They are also supernaturally good at stabbing people with their ceremonial daggers.

[3.5e] The ability to tap into the hatred of a person, stoking it into homicidal rage and direct it at another person who they will kill in a mindless bloody rage (also called the Urge to Slay, an ability Bhaal himself has)

[3.5e] Bhaal's own inability to just fucking stay dead - a Deathstalker Bhaal doesn't want dead will come back to life an hour after it is killed, with a single hit point left. During the time prior to resurrection they are an actual corpse.

[2e] They can point at a person, sending necrotic energy coursing through them and causing them significant damage, agony and possibly death.

[2e] They can inflict severe wounds on a person just by thinking it.

[2e] They can teleport! A Deathstalker can teleport themselves (and other people, if they're powerful enough) to the Throne of Blood and from there they can teleport to anywhere on Toril that isn't protected by warding magic. Bhaal won't do anything to protect Deathstalkers while they're in the Lower Planes - if you're strong enough to get yourself here, you're strong enough to get yourself out.

[2e] They can affect the emotions of those around them, reversing whatever emotions an individual is feeling towards them into its polar opposite.

[2e] They can accelerate the entropic aging process of objects.

-

Bhaal himself is "violent, cruel and hateful at all times." Being in the presence of the living fills him with an overwhelming urge to kill and destroy. He presents himself as either on the verge of a violent rampage or cold and ruthlessly calculating depending on which suits the occasion best. A Lawful Evil deity, his domain is the Throne of Blood in the first layer of the Lower Plane of Gehenna (Khalas), part of Bane's domain (Banehold). Hilariously, not a single Baldurs Gate game has got this right. BG2:SoA claimed it was the Hells, BG2:ToB changed to the Abyss and, for some reason, BG3 has put it in the Grey Wastes.

Bhaal served Bane, and was in turn served by Loviatar (goddess of pain) and Talona (goddess of disease).

His holy symbol is the Circle of Tears; clue in the name, it's a skull surrounded by teardrops of blood forming a circle.

Bhaal rarely manifested in avatar form. When he did, his main avatar in urban areas was the Slayer, which was not a four armed scaly monster:

"The Slayer look[s] like a corpse with a feral face, [bloodless] skin, and deep lacerations that endlessly [weep] black ichor that vanish[es] before it strikes anything."

It makes no noise at all when it moves. it can talk (its softly spoken and sounds creepy). It can levitate at will and summon floating daggers made of bone, that appeared and disappeared at will. They would cause any living flesh they hit to wither and die. Creatures slain this way would rise again as zombies under its control - or have its skeleton shattered into more bone daggers. Enough of these daggers form an area-of-effect; a wall made of a flurry of sharp shards of bone that would trap the soul of anyone they killed. Oh, yeah, and the Slayer can also inflict the overwhelming urge to murder everyone around you on the people around it.

Bhaal's other avatar was the Ravager, which was mostly an angry 30-foot tall giant with horns.

While in either avatar form, Bhaal also had the ability to create any form of undead loyal to him by touching a corpse (greater undead like vampires would be free once they'd completed whatever task he'd assigned them). He could also immediately destroy any undead, turning them to dust at a touch. Bhaal cannot be harmed by the undead.

Rather than using his avatars, Bhaal usually just manifested as a pair of flying undead hands that can shoot bone daggers at people. Or a laughing human skull trailing teardrops. Both these manifestations are capable of speech, casting darkness and driving everybody into a mindless bloodthirsty rampage - you might have noticed he really loves this trick.

He also invented his own undead monsters, the Harrla of Hate. Harrla are invisible creatures, which if you use magic to see them appear like human shaped wavering impressions. Guess what they do?? If you guessed "fill people with a sense of overpowering hatred and drive people into committing homicide" get yourself a fucking cookie!! (This isn't said anywhere in canon, but Bhaal has less imagination than a chunk of rock, I swear to god...)

According to one version of the story; in life Bhaal was a Netherese mortal wizard named Tharlagaunt Bale. He was one of a few hand picked by Jergal to bear a fragment of the god's divinity and raised from a young age to serve him (a Chosen, basically). Hilariously, one of the others was Karsus. These Chosen were promised godhood for their service as they set about performing a ritual to increase Jergal's waning power and make him one of the most powerful deities. Karsus chose to try and make himself a god instead and blew up the Weave, destroying Netheril and the plan and killing all of his coworkers except Bale.

Bale got a job as an assassin, changed the spelling to Bhaal and dropped his first name, teamed up with a bitter ex-slave with no name except the title "Bane of the Ancients" and a necromancer prince called Myrkul Bey al-Kursi.

His other backstory features him as Arabhal; the spymaster and chief assassin of the Netherese City of Rdiuz, and an ally of Bane. The two became unwitting paws of Jergal, who directed them through nightmares to do his bidding and slay various primordial divinities who threatened his plans.

Regardless of backstory, they all grabbed more divinity by killing an ancient god (also Bane's ex-master) and then he went knocking on his old boss' door for that godhood he was promised (Jergal at this point had embraced depression and just went "yeah, whatever, have it. Idgaf, I'm retiring." Or was manipulating them into becoming his divine pawns. There's more than one take on this story.) and Bhaal walked off the god of murder.

He learned of a prophecy predicting he would die when his stupid ex-travelling companions would decide to piss of Ao who would then kick all the gods out and make them mortal, and Bhaal then decided to sleep with what seems to be at least 25% of Faerûn to produce kids who would hold fragments of himself so that they could all fight to the death and he could resurrect himself afterwards. He was killed by the soon-to-be-god Cyric not far from Baldur's Gate during the Time of Troubles. Cyric proceeded to take his job, and there was a huge fight between Bhaalists who converted and those who didn't and the converts killed all the holdouts.

The rest of the backstory is basically just the original Baldur's Gate games.

[phoenixlionme]

The Deep Significance that Vaggie has in Charlie's Heart

As the title of the post suggests, I don't know if many fans understand how truly significant Vaggie was/is to Charlie. And I hope, the importance gets expanded on in Season 2. The first (and above) gif shows how the couple first met - Charlie rescuing a recently abandoned/fallen Vaggie and the latter returning a grateful and genuine smile. And despite being visibly disheveled and having a gouged out eye, Charlie can't help but be romantically flustered. And just a short moment, the duo have impacted each other before even spending time with one another.

The look on Charlie's face is probably the most scared she's looked - Yes, she's been stressed and scared; but she's always been able to bounce back, or least, need a moment to think, but those moments of fear can't compare to the ones Charlie is having right now upon learning Vaggie's secret. She's not only scared but distraught. Prior to the reveal, Charlie was nothing but energetic, defiant to the higher ups of Heaven, especially Adam and Lute; heck, she wasn't even hurt when she learned that not even the higher ups know how a soul goes to Heaven or Hell. But when Vaggie's lie/secret is revealed to her? She's shocked, scared, confused, and distraught. There's no more fight left in her; no more fight to argue for her cause, nothing. All she can think about in this moment is the secret her Vaggie has been keeping from her.

Like how Charlie's scared face differed from her previous ones, it's also the same but how her anger at Vaggie differs from her other moments of anger. She could be comically furious or genuinely enraged which came with her demon horns and fangs. And prior to confronting Vaggie here, she was emotionally incensed at Alastor's taunting. But, when she sees Vaggie here in this moment, right after learning Vaggie's lie? All of her anger becomes ice cold. There's no emotion or expression; and yet, ironically, the viewer (and Vaggie), can just feel Charlie's immense anger at her girlfriend. In the above screenshot, after Vaggie voices her surprise that Exorcist Angels can be harmed by demons, Charlie curtly remarks if Vaggie did know, would she tell her, which obviously surprise and hurts Vaggie; Charlie's remark comes from a place of hurt at Vaggie's secrecy but still that's gotta hurt Vaggie given how loyal she's been towards Charlie's dream. And the below gif has Charlie give another cold look to Vaggie while coldly asking if she was with her and Alastor. But also, before dawning the icy glare, Charlie has a brief expression of...something; I can't fully describe but I say emotion (?). Like she briefly wants to express her hurt to Vaggie but puts on the cold demeanor as they have their respective duties to do and Charlie is not ready to talk yet. Getting back to my original point, Charlie's anger at Vaggie isn't one filled with emotions, expressions, or demon powers - it's one of tranquil fury, coldness, and emotional distance.

In stark contrast to her earlier stoic fury when with Vaggie, Charlie is MUCH more open and emotional about her anger at her girlfriend's lie when talking to Alastor and Rosie. Now, remember - Charlie is dealing with Heaven not listening to her, them not even knowing how a soul goes there or Hell, Adam targeting the Hotel first, and now having to recruit extra people to fight. So, she has a LOT on her plate but what is her mind truly bothered by at this point? Having to come to grips with Vaggie's lie about her origins. She's hurt at the idea that Vaggie didn't trust her; hurt at how she shared EVERYTHING, Vaggie held back; confused and angry over why Vaggie felt she couldn't tell her. All the other hard stuff is hard to deal with, but she can deal with as long as Vaggie is by her side. And right now, Charlie is too hurt to be comforted by Vaggie.

To summarize, Vaggie's presence is DEEPLY important to Charlie. Vaggie was the first person in all of Hell to support her; before her father, before the friends they would eventually make, before Emily, before Heaven; and while realistic, Vaggie never tried to damper Charlie's optimism. This was something Charlie needed by the time they met, as she was already estranged from her father and her mother had went missing. I think this aspect may be explored in Season, or at least, hope so. I mean, look at how calm and relaxed Charlie becomes when Vaggie gently strokes her face.

In other words, Vaggie is Charlie's guardian angel.

[jessicaseroticramblings]

The year was coming to an end.

When she signed the employment contract, Jessica knew what the stipulations were. She had to generate enough sales to cover her costs and give the office a profit. Otherwise, she would need to make up the difference.

The end of the quarter was imminent, and failing the best sales week of her year, Jessica was not going to meet her target.

She had heard rumors of how Daniel, her boss and owner of the firm, accepted repayment. But these were just hushed rumors – nothing more.

It was the last Friday of the year before the holiday close when she was summoned into his office.

She had only been in there a few times – mainly during her interview. It was an old-fashioned office, laden with dark oak and decanters filled with fancy liquors.

He was waiting for her in his oversized, high-backed chair. His dress was standard for “casual” Friday – slacks, no jacket, tie, and a vest to keep everything together. She wasn’t yet comfortable enough to do “casual” herself, especially with her subpar numbers. Her dress was pristine, stylish – she knew how to dress, how to accentuate her charms.

He offered her a chair and a drink. She accepted the former and declined the latter. He sipped his whisky, placed it down on the waiting coaster, then leaned forward on his mahogany desk.

His voice was so deep that it almost vibrated the rocks in his scotch. “Do you know why you are here, Jessica?” She didn’t trust her voice not to break, so she simply nodded in reply. “I took a chance on hiring you. You were doing so well, and then your performance just went to shit. We can’t have that. I have a business to run. And that business is not supporting wayward girls who can’t do their jobs.”

He took another drink before continuing. “I like having you here. You try hard, but not hard enough. I think it’s really just an issue of finding the right motivation for you.”

Jessica opened her mouth to interject. “I don’t think it’s a matter of…”

He quietly resumed control of the conversation, using his same measured tone. “Stop talking.” She immediately paused, responding to the quiet power in his voice.

“With girls like you, I know just the motivational tool.” He stood up, and Jessica caught her breath as she realized his pants were open. This was it, what she had heard about.

She didn’t know was she was expecting, but what she saw was a gorgeous cock. Devastatingly erect, large and thick, but not to the point of causing logistical and biological issues. The large head shined, already slick with some of his pre-cum.

He beckoned her to him, and she walked to him, powerless, like a zombie. He lifted her dress over her head, removed her panties and bra, and bent her over his desk. He rubbed his cock on her waiting labia.

“This is what’s going to happen, Jessica. We’re going to fuck now, just once, to make up for what you owe me”. With that, he pushed his cock inside. Jessica was surprised at how wet she was, at how she easily could take him inside, at how fucking good he felt inside her.

His thrusting increased in time. She moaned with the feeling, the pressure on her vaginal walls, the perfect way in which she was stretched. Short gasps escaped her lips. An orgasm already threatened her, as his hands tightly closed on her hips.

“You will love fucking this cock.. But I’m never going to fuck you again, never going to let you experience it again, unless you hit your targets. Is that clear?”

The feral sounds that escaped her lips as she climaxed were the only agreement he needed to amend their workplace contract. 

He kept his hips working, knowing that another orgasm would only add further motivation to his charge.

After this, Jessica would do whatever she could to make this happen again…and again…and again…

[ykiwrite]

next act

description: last thing on your mind was helping the actress calm down after the interview or emotional support for celebrities was not listed in the job description

warnings: anxiety, attempt at comfort by writer

words: 1.5k

*requested by anon <3

Breathe.

Come on, in and out just like they said.

"And how do you feel about that?"

The question flew by. Escaped Jenna's wariness snakelike. Her mind was still lingering on the former answer. The answer was not good, right? Audience gives it away. Hundreds of people give it away.

Her eyes did laps back and forth in the room. Dozens of faces were boldly laughing at something that was not intended to pass as a joke. No one cared about the interviewer in the first place. Each one of them came for her and only her. It made her painfully aware.

Each and every move, gesture, word and mistake was under the microscope. Filmed, posted an hour later, if not earlier. Maybe even now. Spotlights above we're targeting her perfectly by force while the crowd of complete strangers with a fixation on her were hiding beneath the unlit veil.

Positions didn't seem equally matched and it was apparent.

How was she not used to this already?

It took a mutter from the neighbouring seat for Jenna to discern how agonizingly quiet the hall was which clashed with her mind. Not so slumber, unlike this setting. The mass was anticipating and eyes were boring holes from the side.

Putting all of her trust in her shaky hands to raise a microphone while begging her mind to recall the question. Latter task failed terribly.

"Sorry, can you repeat the question? I was just—" scrambled Jenna before it was suppressed by another flood of laughter. Except for this time, she kept her focus on the missed question, not the sidelines.

"I was adding on to the question from before about that scene. How did you feel about it?"

"Thank you for being here with us. It was an honor to have you and with that said..."

Thank god. Exit doors were opening, spotlights were getting dimmer, curtains were pulling back and there was room to breathe. Jenna might have stood up too quickly but she could not bother. Not when she could feel her composure on the verge of collapse. The only silver lining was the lack of backstage meetings. That would be a challenge to endure.

The crew that pushed the curtains back for her quickly recited the scripted guide where she's off to next. Series of useless information was fired in her ear as if she wasn't capable of getting around herself. No praise was heard, no "good job" said, nothing.

"Yeah, yeah, i got it," Jenna uttered fiercly, feeling her voice giving up just like that. Her hand reflexively went to halt the tears from falling and ruining the looks considering she wasn't in the best mood to be scrutinized. On top of it all, her breathing caught pace and she felt trapped in this space.

"Also one more thing. When you're done with that, we have it arranged for you—"

"Are you okay?" A feathery touch on Jenna's shoulder startled and stopped her in tracks. She didn't have a chance to catch a sight of the person with the way man's presence was parallel with her each step. But the question that interrupted was worth it.

You read the room straight away and covertly signaled the man to leave. Emotional support of celebrities was not listed in the job description but you were assured you could do it better than anyone else here. Well-informed how demanding the profession must be, you figured the best call was to be yourself and go with the idea that first turned up in your mind.

Surely no one wanted nor deserved mediocre and half assed support. Especially her who is probably tired of insincere interactions in the line of work. And also the one who was observing you from the beginning. The stranger you were that saved the day but Jenna didn't know it yet.

Fixing your posture to look somewhat presentable although that was arguably the last care on Jenna's mind in a state like this, you just said, "Need a spare room?"

Jenna was once again led down the stifling backstage corridors while you searched for the room caught empty minutes before.

"Aha. It's this one. No one should use it for the time being." Jenna looked over to you hoping you'd catch the hint of thankfulness that wasn't expressed verbally.

White polished doors with numbers scribbled on them were pushed open for her to enter. You stepped in flicking some of the lights on mindfully so.

The actress passed your side like she was ordered to tiptoe. Then again you thought not to push the buttons further. You watched her secure a couch usually used for meetings and whatnot. Her whole figure was hunched and crumpled. Gaze aimed at the floor. The trembling did not cease which made you rock back and forth on one foot. Hesitating between leaving or staying. How much of a helping hand can you even be right now? The two somebodies that passed eachother by pure accident, knowing nothing about eachother and one is now ready to risk the job over it.

"Uh, in case you need anything i'm working around the stage for the next hour," you added hopefully but met with silence for response.

"Unless...?" Every plan of turning around and continuing your job was cast aside the moment she finally spoke. Cutting you off rightfully so.

"Can you stay?"

It's the tone in which she spoke that made you agree in a flash. It was worded so quickly and almost coldly as if she already predicted the answer. Like she's been given the same one on repeat in the past and yours will sound no different out loud.

Your hand left the door handle in the same manner her eyes did the ground to take a look at you but returned just as fast once you were closing in.

"Is it the audience?" Perhaps not the best conversation starter, starting right at what you presumed to be the core of it.

It's the first time she gave you full attention, you noted. Though it looks like it was short lived and no success achieved.

"Even you saw it?" She asked under defeated breath before her head fell on propped hands. Hearing the whimpers and cries she couldn't bear to hold any longer made you wonder how much worse you just made this for her. The picture of what you caused felt outright depressing to witness.

You sat beside her washed in guilt, trying to fix the situation. Might as well take your time since you disregarded the work awaiting outside this empty room. "Well they don't know what's like to be on stage, do they? Let alone be an actor." You felt your body make a gamble against you, moving with a mind of its own before you could form regret for it. It was like a backup in case the words were of no use.

But Jenna didn't back away. Not in a way you were aware of at least. You're certain the sincere embrace you offered would let you know so. Because you were able to feel her every sniff, shake and tremor that traveled through or is drawing near and so on repeated in a circle. Shirt that was getting stained by the tears went unnoticed.

"Hey, hey focus on me," you spoke softly. Lining up your calmed breathing for her, hoping she will follow by.

Unmistakably the gesture that was felt in return said it all. Jenna hugged you back, drawing you in the most close-knit grip possible. It came across as the hug that was desired desperately. Obvious which side craved it more but you couldn't deny fully it meant nothing to you.

You were not sure how long you remained like this. Long enough to quiet down her cries and make you believe she lost to sleep how her body slumped more and more by the passing minutes. But on the other side of you, Jenna was awake. She must admit it is bizarrely soothing, the strangers embrace. Maybe she crossed the line and anxiety blended with comfort has gotten too wrapped around her head.

That's why she broke the silence huskily, "I'm Jenna by the way." The arms left you shyly and you eventually had her in front of you. After what seemed like the most peace you both ever had there were still homes to head to.

"I think i read it on my schedule this morning," that earned you a smile of hers for a while. She looked tired, burnt out to be precise. While you did say your name it seemed like it was lost in the air.

"Sorry i'm still getting over it," stated rubbing her eyes, "but you do feel like the best nap ever to be honest."

You stopped yourself from dwelling any deeper into studying that sentence so you just returned, "I don't mind, you have it rough anyway. It's the least i can do here."

While recollecting herself in silence, Jenna glanced at the spotted clock on her side and sighed. Once her eyes locked with yours, swearing hers softened for a moment or two, she uttered,

"Do you need a ride?" Truly wishful for her hearing to pick up on your hopeful yes. How could you disappoint?

"That would be great," you clarified standing up, "I've been on my feet all day."

It was seasonal, side job after all. And maybe the chance of getting to know the entire side of the story wouldn't hurt you.

notes: casually spent time over 1k words on a fanfic instead of doing a project for the next week 10/10

*tried to portray anxiety in the closest/correct way but as someone not diagnosed mistakes are possible so apologies in advance

[salted-bird]

One of the things I love about Limbus' Abnormality encounters, besides how cool the designs are, is the way the game uses them to tackle the topic of performative empathy vs actual empathy.

You can't just try to fix an Abnormality's core problems and expect it to work. And it's not because the Abnormality will attack you before you get the chance to do anything, rather, following this approach is a consistent way to hit your own party with demerits due to the simple fact that YOU ARE THE ONE HURTING THE ABNO IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Trying to remove the Umbrella Fox's umbrellas is incredibly painful for it because it involves tearing off chunks of its flesh, mimicking the Weeping Toad's cry will cause it to flee because what it actually wanted was someone who would listen, removing the brambles will make the Bride and Groom sad because it means you are destroying their home, giving water to a blazing metal bull obviously isn't going to help, etc.

Your intentions can be good, but as the Umbrella Fox itself puts it, solutions without "forethought" have the potential to be incredibly harmful.

Which brings me to the similarities this has with IRL ableism, and how often body-abled people will tell you to do X thing under the claim that it will help you feel better (or even cure you) without considering the implications of their own suggestions for a single second. Some wonderful examples of this are telling someone with a respiratory disease or injury to just "take a deep breath", telling a person with chronic fatigue to "go jogging, it will give you more energy" or recommending to an autistic individual that they "learn common sense".

I'm sure you can imagine yourself (or know from first-hand experience, sadly) the rest of horrible 'magical solutions' disabled people have to hear on a regular basis, so back to the point, this type of acts share the same kind of impulsive and patronizing empathy as the "help(?) this Abnormality" choices in Limbus Company.

Not only do they not help anyone at all, in reality they are an active detriment to the physical and emotional wellbeing of the target you are supposedly trying to help with the action. In the end, the only benefit obtained is that you get to say you TRIED to help someone, hence the performative part of this behaviour, it makes you look good to others and to yourself by awarding you some imaginary reputation points that mean nothing.

Now it's very possible that you are thinking (or not) something about the lines of: "But hey, I unplugged the electric sheep being sacrificed to fuel a city, and I also sprinkled water on the tree suffering from a drought, I did have success helping a handful of the Abnos!".

This may appear to contradict my logic as described above, but I want you to consider a key difference between the Abnormalities the game does let you help and those for whom trying to do so is an insult. The former group suffers from external circumstances that can be changed through concrete actions, the latter faces permanent issues because of the very way they are.

So on the first camp;

-The Electric Sheep doesn't suffer because it's electric, it's suffers due to being exploited for energy.

-The Desert Twiggy Ghost Tree doesn't suffer because it's allergic to water, it suffers because it doesn't have access to any water.

-Similarly, the Electric Centipede only suffers because people are experimenting on it and you choose how to torture it.

You can liken them to disabled people with low-support needs, whose difficulties would in theory go away once you implement a social model of disability because the problems they face are, as the name implies, mainly social.

Now, contrast this with how for example, removing the brambles from the Rose Thorns Cross involves destroying its very body, and you should notice the theme Limbus is trying to convey through these encounters; Nobody is the same.

Sure, jumping the gun may work sometimes, if the problem is small enough to be dealt with through individual action, but more often than not the reality of what the other person is going through is so different from yours that an attempt to force your own experiences and judgement on them is only going to result in pain, and what's worse, pain for both parties if you genuinely were trying to help.

Which is not to say there's no point in desiring to offer help, my favourite part about how Limbus handles its event choices is that it teaches you a lesson about the value of simple understanding.

Tearing off its umbrellas won't help the fox, but going past its threatening appearance to show that you care by petting it will, the same goes for the gloomy frog that is so grateful to you for listening to its woes that it leaves one of its eyes behind as a gift. You don't need to change the Abnormalities' nature as Abnormalities to make them happy, being there for them and accepting them as they are is more than enough.

I could write more about the parallels between Abnormalities as a group of "non-humans" that go against the general idea of normal while existing solely to be exploited for resources and the way IRL disabled people are exploited by doctors and pharmaceutical companies for easy money while society at large doesn't care, but in the end the message is simple, imagine a world where instead of treating them like children or even complaining about them, abled people showed those with disabilities this type of empathy, the real type.

[nightmaremonarch]

so… im normal, obviously…

Anyways. I have a general idea on how every part of the FNaF (and subsequent related media) animatronics work. The one thing that tends to be a reach in my brain is ANIMATRONICS WALKING.

so here’s my theory/redesign on how this works!!!

(warning, this is a brain dump i wrote at midnight, so it may not be fully coherent! additionally, im not a mechanic nor do i have any mechanic/engineering experience. i just likea da robot)

i find the walking a bit hard to make realistic. around the 1980’s larger animatronics weren’t walking at all, and we’re only recently starting to make good walking robots. historically animatronics have been held in place via stands… so.

with walking, there are a lot of things to be considered. technology constraints, movement systems, balance, etc etc.

for technology constraints and movement systems, we have to look at how animatronics of this time typically function. they are powered by hydraulics (bursts of air), which requires gas and gas canisters. the mechanics of the hydraulics are connected to a computer, which up until recently (when chuck e cheese got rid of EVERY SINGLE ANIMATRONIC 😐) used pre-programmed floppy disks to run their movement.

a walking animatronic (powered by hydraulics, which is a technology constraint of the time) would need all of this to be INTERNAL. so along with all the other internal stuff like the endoskeleton, support layer (typical for more period accurate animatronics), hydraulics, you’re also adding a COMPUTER and a GAS CANISTER. this would, of course, make the animatronics quite heavy.

with these constraints in mind, here’s how i think walking would work. first, the animatronic would need to have its weight redistributed. the computer would be in the lower chest near the pelvic region, since computers are Heavy and it needs as much support and room as it can get.* the gas canisters would either just be stored in the legs, or both the arms and legs, though the latter might result in it being more top heavy which is not what we want.

*additionally, animatronics are large, and children (the target audience) are small. if they have an internal sound system, the sound system would likely come from the computer as well, which basically puts the sound at a child’s level, which adds to the benefit of it being lower in the body.

we need the weight evenly distributed so it can properly balance. it would be easy to just give it wheels or have it shuffle without picking up its feet, but we something that can WALK. so. you know what ill just make a diagram of my conclusion

thank you freddy!

now. this may seem like a simple conclusion. but it took a while for my brain to accept it since it had to consider Every Single Other Factor Beforehand. For Example:

1. how the joints work (the knee, pelvis, abdomen, and ankle are sliding joints, i think is what they’re called…)

2. how they know where to move (like how an npc moves in a video game. they have a predetermined path coded into their computers, and stop when an obstacle is in front of them)

3. how they return to an idle position (instead of stopping the walking code entirely, they run a different code which brings them back to an idle stance instead of stopping them mid walk, which could leave them off balance)

4. how the hydraulics work (gas and servos that control gas output)

5. things that i could’ve potentially gotten wrong (step four of the diagram when the opposite leg swings up, weight distribution, how joints work, etc etc cuz im not an engineer or a mechanic)

6. alternate solutions (“why not servos for all movement?” unrealistic for 1980’s animatronics. “why not ball joints?” cuz ball joints ain’t gonna work here. “why don’t they have some of these features in game?” scott didn’t do research on how animatronics work in 2014. “why can’t they just be powered by the ghosts?” they can, this is specifically pre-ghost, since it’s implied in fnaf 1 and 2 they were able to walk before being possessed. id imagine being a ghost would just allow for control of electrical impulses, which would make the computer essentially useless since controlling electrical impulses means controlling the movement. the gas canisters would still need to be refilled though!)

Okay. That’s all. Let me know if you want to see more (there is always more) or you want to critique this or if you have any ideas. Love you!!! Bye!!!

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

What caused the conflict between Robespierre and his supporters and Thermidorians that led to the events of 27/28th July? Everyone keeps saying different things

If we’re talking about a specific event that lead directly to July 27, the answer to me is pretty simple — it was the speech Robespierre held the day right before it, in which he called for new proscriptions against deputies in the Convention, the Committee of Public Safety (CPS) and the Committee of General Security (CGS), without being clear about exactly which ones he was targeting (even after explicately having been asked to to do so right after the speech was finished). If dissent between the robespierrists and other deputies, as well as more longgoing plans to undermine the former, had existed already before this speech was held, what ultimately happened on July 27 was not a result of these as much as something improvised in less than 24 hours in response to the sudden crisis it had caused by making everyone fear they might be on Robespierre’s list.

If we’re talking more about the underlying motives which made the situation on July 26-28 happen in the first place, for Robespierre’s part, he had grown convinced that the Convention and the two government committees contained conspirators within their midst. Exactly which people he suspected to be part of this conspiracy is hard to know for sure, seeing as he, as already stated, didn’t make himself clear enough in the speech (I’ve speculated a bit on which people I think it’s most likely he had in mind in this post). It is equally dubious whether Robespierre’s collegues at the CPS to some extent had supported his views or how much this new conspiracy was his own hobby horse. Regardless, Robespierre believed the conspirators had to be unveiled and crushed at any price, and, after openly having expressed his fears about them a couple of times at the Jacobin club, he finally decided to openly ask the Convention to take action.

When it comes to the people who overthrew Robespierre, once it was over and done, they would almost all give the same answer as to why they had acted the way they had acted — Robespierre was either acting like or aspiring to become a tyrant/dictator, and they killed him in order to put a stop to this authoritarian project. While I wouldn’t dismiss a fear like this to be nothing but a post construction, it can nevertheless also be established that, when looking closer at these guys’ activities shortly before thermidor, many can be revealed to have had motives grounded in personal dissatisfactions and/or fears of Robespierre as much as any eventual noble intentions. Some examples can be seen below:

Tallien (spoke against Robespierre during the session of 9 thermidor, was one of ten deputies to have signed the pampleth Conjuration formée dès le 5 préréal [sic] par neuf représentants du peuple contre Maximilien Robespierre, pour le poignarder en plein senat released shortly after thermidor) —  Openly denounced by Robespierre on June 12 on the grounds of being ”one of those who speak incessantly with terror, and publicly of the guillotine, as something that concerns them, to debase and disturb the National Convention.” His mistress has been imprisoned since May 22 (the warrant for her arrest was actually written by Robespierre himself, but idk if Tallien was aware of that) and he is in dire need to get her out of jail. In his memoirs, Fouché claims that Tallien was one of several deputies he in the weeks leading up to thermidor would tell: ”you are on the list, you are on the list as well as myself, I am certain of it!” no doubt alarming the latter.

Fouché (Pointed to by several contemporaries as the leader of/important for the conspiracy. Did however not play an active role during July 27-28) — was recalled from his mission in Lyon on March 27by a rather frosty decree written by Robespierre. After returning, Fouché possibly had a private meeting with him where he would have been scolded for his conduct (though interestingly, on April 8, Robespierre is recorded to have ”praised” Fouché after the latter had read a report regarding his activities in Lyon…) He has also come under suspicion for his alleged atheism and ties to certain hébertists (most importantly Ronsin who had been his collegue in Lyon before getting executed alongside the hébertists in March 1794). On July 14, Fouché was openly attacked by Robespierre, who called him ”the leader of the conspiracy which we have to thwart" and got him expelled from the jacobins. If Fouché wasn’t already plotting Robespierre’s downfall at that point he surely must have started doing so after this incident.

Billaud-Varennes (spoke against Robespierre during the session of 9 thermidor) — Indirectly denounced by Robespierre in his final speech, both through the phrase ”why do those who told you once that we are walking on a volcano think that we walk on only roses today?” and the suggestion to purge members of the CPS. Booed down and driven out of the Jacobin Club under shouts of ”the conspirators to the guillotine” when Robespierre rerread said speech there on the evening of July 26, which probably gave him a very strong feeling that he was on the menu and would be executed if Robespierre was not. Claimed after thermidor to during a CPS meeting loudly have accused Robespierre and Couthon of pushing through the law of 22 prairial without anyone else in the committee having been involved, leading to the session becoming so stormy that the windows had to be closed.

Collot d’Herbois (spoke against Robespierre during the session of 9 thermidor, was also chairholder during this session) — Driven out of the Jacobin Club under shouts of ”to the guillotine” at the same time as Billaud-Varennes. According to one report, this was not before he had thrown himself before Robespierre’s feet and begged him to reunite with the CPS. Had been tipped off by Fouché on April 20 that Robespierre was investigating the latter for his actions in Lyon, which would make him guilty by association. Claimed in his defence (March 1 1795) to once have been declared ”traitor and conspirator” by Robespierre, ”because I had strongly supported the useful and wise proposal that Lindet made, to require horses and carriages in each section of Paris, in order to provide for the supplies of the armies.” According to Michel Biard’s Collot d’Herbois: légendes noires et révolutions(1995) Collot and Billaud’s abandonment of Robespierre is best understood through their perception of his political role than it is by any eventual differences in political or religious matters.

Vadier, Élie Lacoste (spoke against Robespierre during the session of 9 thermidor, Lacoste being the one to demand an arrest warrant against Augustin Robespierre) — these were both members of the CGS. Robespierre had explicately denounced said committee, and particulary its agents, in his July 26 speech, ending by demanding it lose its autonomy to instead become subserviant to the CPS. The CGS had however already earlier that year been robbed of some of its special attributes, when, on April 20, a CPS driven police bureau, mainly directed by Robespierre, Couthon and Saint-Just, had been introduced, something we might imagiene also became an object of irritation. Two months later, Robespierre had also personally taken care one of the committee’s cases (the Catherine Théot affair, which I wrote about more at length here) was taken away from them to instead be run by robespierrists. The handling of said affair was also something Robespierre explicately denounced the CGS for in his July 26 speech. It is also commonly stated that Vadier disagreed with Robespierre’s religious ideas, he himself being a militant atheist, but I’m not sure for what the source for that is.

Fréron (spoke against Robespierre during the session of 9 thermidor, was one of ten deputies to have signed the pampleth Conjuration formée dès le 5 préréal…) — was never openly denounced by Robespierre as far as I’m aware, nor was the decree recalling him from his mission in Marseille, on the grounds of having gone to far when wanting to rename the city, been neither authored nor signed by him. We do however know Fréron had been close to the dantonists executed in April, thereby making revenge and/or fear of being seen as ”guilty by association” a possible motive. The same thing can be said for other men traditionally described as dantonists that we know worked against Robespierre, such as Bourdon de l’Oise, Thuriot, Guffroy etc.

Guffroy (was one of ten deputies to have signed the pampleth Conjuration formée dès le 5 préréal…) — disillusioned by the fact Robespierre and the rest of the CPS have failed/chosen not to act on the representative on mission Joseph Lebon after Guffroy multiple times had denounced him to them.

Bourdon d’Oise (spoke against Robespierre during the session of 9 thermidor) — Had spoken against the law of 22 prairial both June 10, 11 and 12, earning himself a reprimand from Robespierre on the latter of these dates. According to the memoirs of Pierre Nicolas Berryer, it was after this session Bourdon started plotting for Robespierre’s downfall, seeing in it ”a struggle to the death” between the two, and planning to on his own stab him to death with a cutlass.

Lecointre (author behind the pampleth Conjuration formée dès le 5 préréal [sic] par neuf représentants du peuple contre Maximilien Robespierre, pour le poignarder en plein senat released shortly after thermidor) — Openly spoke against the law of 22 prairial when it was introduced on June 10, asking for an adjournment and applauding the deputy Ruamps when he said he would blow his brains out was the law to pass. In the above mentioned pampleth, he wrote that it was when he heard rumors Robespierre was the only person behind the law he decided to start working to undermine him.

So as can be seen, there’s not really a single motive for the conspirators, but a whole bunch of them. To understand them better, it is also important to remember just how the political climate looked like by the summer of 1794. I think it’s safe to assume the trials and executions of the hébertists and dantonists in March and April had unnerved several of the Convention deputies, the death of Danton in particular being seen as evidence that anyone could be declared a counter-revolutionary. Then just two months later, the law of 22 prairial gets introduced by Couthon and Robespierre, a law which strips the Convention of its exclusive rights to bring its own members to trial. This just two days after Robespierre has presided over the Festival of the Supreme Being, an event which had put several members a bit off. With all these things combined, I don’t think it’s fully unreasonable people would be willing to believe Robespierre was up to no good/planning to make himself a dictator, especially if someone was actively spreading/confirming that fear. It’s also important to keep in mind that on both sides of the conflict, the deputies were overworked, tired, irrational and suffering from the summer heat. I think thermidor is therefore best understood if we assume none of the men involved in it were necessarily on their most rational behaviour when things went down.

[silent-sanctum]

The Part 3 Dilemma

I have one of this random thoughts of mine and it's about one of the complaints about Stardust Crusaders

"I dropped at Part 3 because the plot dragged too long" "The Monster-of-the week trope made it boring"

Personally, I don't mind it (thanks to Jotaro's presence tbh). But I do understand why others feel that way. I feel like the reason Araki decided to stick with that set-up is because for one, it's a shonen series (a.k.a a manga who's targeted for young boys), and two that it's because it's his way of experimenting with a new power system.

So, you can't really blame a guy who wanted to test things out in the beginning rather than to focus on writing a more engaging story, more so when him knowing that the introduction of Stands and their powers was able to bring him the most commercial success.

But from a writer's perspective and someone who watches a lot of shows, I think what made SC such a sludge to get through is this part's lack of subplots.

What do I mean by that? Let me explain:

"A subplot is a narrative thread that is woven through the media to support the elements of the main plot. A subplot can build out the conflict in the main plot or it can be a vehicle for a secondary character's storyline."

Essentially, it's a method of fleshing out the story more by introducing the audience a side story to either tackle a theme that's related to the main plot or develop a character more to better understand their purpose in the story.

Now let's look at Part 3

The central point of this part is that a big bad has returned to wreak havoc on the Joestars and the world and it's the heroes' job is to get rid of him once and for all. It's odyssey-based where we get to see the guys go on this journey and fight the bad guys until they reach the final stage.

But because this part involves just that- the fighting bad guys part- for 40+ episodes, it bores the audience because of how repetitive it's becoming. There's nothing else it has going on for it to keep the audience engaged.

There's a significant lack of subplots to enhance their journey to Egypt.

Compare that to the other parts…

Part 4: A slice-of-life/murder mystery plot that focuses on the stories of its residents (e.g. Koichi's development, Okuyasu's family issues, Yukako's obssesion, Rohan's antics as a mangaka, Josuke's bond with Joseph), before tying them into the main plot in the second half (e.g. Reimi's murder, the involvement of the Stand arrow, focus on Kira's mind as a psychopathic serial killer) Part 5: Got to look into the past of each of Bucciarati's crew: Giorno and Bucciarati's childhood, Mista's pre-Stand user life, Abbachio's past as a cop, Diavolo and Trish's dynamic, Fugo's history with his anger issues. There's also the involvement of the Stand arrow, brief focus on La Squadra's perspective, etc. Part 6: Explores the characters of Ermes (seeking justice for the death of her sister), FF (their path of finding their identity), delving deep into DIO's psyche about "attaining heaven", Weather Report's history with Pucci and Perla, and the estranged bond between Jolyne and Jotaro.

This is Araki improving his craft but when we compare that to Part 3, we can see that P3 only got the "fighting enemies until we reach the boss" plot going on. And that's tedious to get past.

Sure we got one subplot going: Polnareff's quest of avenging the death of his sister.

His purpose of joining the Crusaders in the first place was to find the killer. It's been tackled for more than one episode and in the process, we see him form rapport with the allies he made while still sticking to his mission, allowing the audience to connect to the Frenchman more (even to the point where they start to joke that he's the main protagonist instead of Jotaro)

But what of the rest? What of the development of the other Crusaders?

Kakyoin and his past as a lonely child born with a Stand?

How Avdol met Joseph, and what his motivation was to continue working with the latter?

Maybe a subtle foreshadowing of Joseph's infidelity or how he's doing in New York prior to the quest?

Heck maybe even a background as to why Jotaro turned to delinquency when in the past, he's seen or viewed as a regular happy child who does well and is active in school?

Instead, what we got is Kak's past revealed as a last minute attempt to make us feel sympathy for him as he's dying, Avdol died without much going about him, Joseph is just there to be the secondary Jojo, and 3taro is most of the fandom's worst version of Jotaro because at a surface level, he's seen only as a rude standoffish teenager who does not emote for no reason.

We don't get to connect with the Crusaders as much or as deep because we don't know them outside of "we're here to defeat the big evil" and a bunch of fighting.

tldr: Not enough character development because there's too much of the "beat the bad guys and win"

I don't know. It's just my personal take because usually when I consume media, I tend to get hooked onto the story when there's mini stories that fleshes out the overarching theme.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

[cerastes]

Hey I was wondering, who do you use as your core starting group for Iron Carrot and Toron to get to Depth 8? I can only get as far as Depth 5 before I get overrun. My main strat is going 3x Sniper, 1x Caster with Goldenglow, 2x Vanguard, 1x Guard, 1x Defender with Mudrock, and then whoever else I can get put into Thorns, SilverAsh, Chalter... But eventually, the big units get too beefy and I can't kill them in time...

Listen to me carefully. Listen. I am grabbing you by the head and making very aggressive but somehow comforting eye contact right now, like an orangutan. You need three units to start with.

Mudrock S2. Suzuran S2. Goldenglow S2. “Don’t you mean S3 for the glo—“ Listen. Goldenglow’s S2 has infinite duration. Once it’s set up, it’s a permanent buff with permanent upkeep. You don’t have to time shit. You don’t have to deal with downtime sans the period of time it takes for the skill to go online. Suzuran S2 is the same, plus it allows her to attack three targets at once (with at least M1, get M1), and targets that are Slow in her range get slapped with Fragile 20% (23% with Potential 5). Mudrock S2 spins to win.

The rest of your starter team is a couple of Vanguards, a handful of Supporters, a bunch of Snipers, a Defender, and a Medic. Their names do not matter. Names are immaterial and superfluous in the Mines. They are tools to be used in order to strengthen our main stars. Their purpose is to be chewed and masticated and digested so they may make them strong. History will remember them as nutrients, if it feels merciful.

Goldenglow and Suzuran must be given Sniper stacks. Ideally 5 each but make do with what you can get away with in each map (4 is enough sometimes) because remember you need to account for the time it takes for their skills to online after deployment. Mudrock is to be fed one Defender and as many Vanguards as possible. This will make her spin. This will make her win. Supporters are there to help you go through your deck faster, like Pot of Greed.

When forced to add more cards to your deck, Snipers are the top priority, Supporters after that, Vanguards after that, Defenders after that, Specialists after that (they can help with building stacks in a pinch with A-Equipment, especially Shifters since they have no tile restrictions), and anything that’s not those, go with your preferences.

The idea is that GG and Suzu with blast the life out of anything in their range, with Suzu slowing and putting Fragile on three enemies at once while GG hits them very hard and procs her Talent’s AoE explosions. This is very effective in killing pretty much everything even without damage stacks, you just need Sniper stacks. Mudrock will be your main line holder, ideally spinning perpetually like the love child of a ballerina and a bulldozer.

Skadi the Corrupting Heart and Gnosis are useful to build after these three are online. Corrupting Heart’s buffs and healing are effective, while Gnosis is an excellent controller. Raise equivalents if you don’t have them. Having another Defender is good, for when multiple lanes must needs be dealt with. Your Medic is there for the latter half, when ranged tiles start taking damage. Personally, I got a lot of use out of Weedy (S3 with Vanguard stacks), as pushing people really far out and having them go through the Suzu Zone again was very useful to stall for time when RNG was bad to me and I couldn’t get GG online fast enough. A Pusher is a good idea. I personally like Angelina and Ling as well to Control in a pinch. Ranged Vanguards like Blacknight or Beanstalk are useful in giving units like Corrupting Heart or your Medic faster SP charge.

Prioritize getting GG online first on the first four maps, prioritize getting Suzu online first on the last four. Control is much more important early later on. Feel out each map to know when you should be placing Mudrock.

This isn’t a comprehensive guide, this is a gameplan that worked for me (based on Yanfly’s method of dealing with SSS) and that hopefully works out for you. Make pew pew go very fast, make enemy go very slow, rake in profit, succeed in front of the girls.

[variousqueerthings]

Colonel Potter has the most trans man vibes though

1. constantly tells stories about his past that you’re never quite sure which of is true and which isn’t 

2. including stories about joining up at fifteen. The late great Dr Barry would constantly change the age of his birth, at one point making it seem like he’d started studying medicine at, I believe, the age of ten!

3. of course this would also have the added benefit of him at the time explaining why he presumably looked so youthful and didn’t shave (Potter is always perfectly shaven too I think, which is good army etiquette and a good way of passing)

4. short king!

5. has the vibes of someone who’s really living his masculinity -- where, say, Radar (whom one also reads as a trans guy on occasion/there’s at least one excellent fic about it) is somewhat insecure in his masculinity, especially in things like height and has a lot of jokes pointed at him targeting those insecurities, nobody in their right mind would ever challenge Potter on things like height, or being quite emotionally open, etc. Call this older trans guy is way past giving a shit and younger trans guy is worried about getting clocked

6. idk, something about his relationship with Mildred feels so right: stories about trans people who were never clocked by their partners or who started out with partners who fully knew and supported them or were t4t the whole time..... all of these could be great! (either they adopted their kid, which there are personal stories of trans people doing in the past when such things were less recorded, or in the last one Potter could also have given birth...)

7. but mainly just this idea of a story in which someone has genuinely loved someone for so many years, but who’s put his life into this space (the army) in which many a trans man has been able to create his masculinity/new identity, and so he’s struggling with the idea of letting that go, what does that mean to him as a man who became a man in this space? what kind of man will he be outside of that space?

8. something as well about the romantic attitude of the cavalry, and choosing to become a doctor -- I mean here I think about the old fashioned masculinity of the former, and Dr Barry again in the latter. becoming a man through one of the limited routes afforded in which you may have been able to pass (at the time when he joined the army/cavalry) and then choosing to be a man who heals. it’s just... neat

9. also not to compare him again to Dr Barry (but also yes) but Barry was famously anti-authoritarian and honest in his viewpoints to the point that when he was young he got into a great deal of trouble, because it was considered from the perspective of him making trouble for trouble’s sake (this feels tbh very Hawkeye) but when he got older people often described him as a curmudgeon who cared too much about things and would go on and on about them, and would be able to dismiss him far easier, which is kind of a saddening thing to know, but with Potter that very gruff honesty pays off and is respected and something other men wish to emulate, and I just like that

10. all of this also ties into his working class upbringing and rising through the ranks as an enlisted man, rather than coming from a place of privilege from the get go. the idea of earning masculinity, again (again again again) invoking Barry’s attitudes around how much he had earned his position 

11. generally this just feels like the happier James Barry story, in which Potter is supported in older age and can retire without being penniless and suddenly with barely any friends left (his old friends, yes, but Potter gains a bunch of new ones at the 4077) and on his own terms

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.170 thoughts

[Isekai Averted]

[Note: that title isn't my joke, I saw someone say something to that effect in the comments on MangaPlus]

So this is another instance of a story that I imagine Tozuka wanted to give us a lot earlier but either thought would detract too much from the main plot at the time or was cautioned against by his editor, as much like Fuuko, we really didn't know much of anything about Chikara prior to this

We didn't know that his family owned a restaurant, that he was feeling pressured to take over the family business, or that he wanted to be a photographer. This storyline fits his role as Unmove so well, it's a shame we didn't get to hear about it any earlier. I think it would have endeared me to Chikara a lot more effectively, as not only is the Unmove+photography parallel painfully ironic, it would have helped highlight Chikara's cowardly nature. Of course he's afraid of a gun, it's weirder for a person not to be, but to be afraid of talking to your parents, of facing your own future? That's an extremely relatable kind of cowardice that actually says something about Chikara as a person

I think I would have preferred we get to see more of that pressure firsthand, though; from what we see in his one interaction with his parents, they don't seem to have any explicit expectations of him. They're not upset that he's defying them, they're impressed that he's voicing what he wants. It's subtle, but it gives the impression that Chikara's anxieties are completely internal and irrational, like he came to the conclusion that he'll have to inherit the restaurant completely on his own. It lines up pretty well with his characterization from the previous loop, where he spent however long agonizing over whether his parents wanted him to die, whether it was to make amends or to escape the pain of knowing that he'd killed them. Chikara is the type to put words in other people's mouths and make assumptions, and use those assumptions as justification for his own inaction

As Ryo said, without him working with the teachers to rig the lottery to get Chikara the photographer position, Chikara wouldn't have been proactive enough to volunteer. Knowing that really emphasizes Chikara's statement that school was fun because of Ryo in the previous loop, it gives the impression Ryo was doing things like this for Chikara all the time and pushing him to be more active

It also helps us understand why God chose Chikara to be Unmove in the first place; he was someone who was unmoving in his own life, so it could be taken either as an ironic punishment for his actions ("if you want to stay in place so badly, I can help with that") or as the ability of best fit ("you stay in place emotionally, so I'll bet you can make good use of this power"). We still don't know how Negators are selected exactly, so if it's the former, we know it was Sun trying to put the Negators at a disadvantage, and if the latter, it was Luna likely trying to maximize the chances of success

What I'm wondering now is how the events of this chapter are going to change Chikara's ability to use Unmove; I think the easiest change will be the he'll likely be less shaky, as he has a much more robust support network this time around and won't be burdened with the guilt of killing his parents. He's in a position where he'll be able to conduct himself with a lot more confidence, much like when he was supported by Top in the fight with Creed. After that, being a photographer could change his interpretation of what it means for something to be unmoving or what it means to be looking at a target. How exactly I'm not sure, but I definitely think that having skill with composition will make it easier for him to strategize how to immobilize enemy targets and allow his teammates to continue moving. He might even be able to enforce Unmove on things he takes pictures of rather than things he's directly looking at, though perhaps that would be overpowered

Aside from Chikara, this chapter was really fun for how we got to see Fuuko living the school life she always wanted while also proving that she could balance school and her duties. Honestly, if it weren't for Tozuka's commitment to streamlined storytelling, I think that this could have been a full-on "school life arc," with Fuuko learning various lessons relevant to the various Quests and vice versa. Still, for half a school year being condensed into one chapter, combining that with Chikara's story was really the perfect method, as his photos are what allow us to experience that six-month span vicariously without feeling like we necessarily missed anything

Honestly, excluding the Quests, the thing I really feel like we're missing is seeing everyone else living this domestic life. We got a brief glimpse into Shen being popular with girls and Nico being a stern teacher, but I really would have liked to see how Feng adjusted. Maybe he resigned to this excursion on the basis that he's Unfade, and thus doesn't have to worry about "wasting time." Seeing Sean reintegrate himself into school life after being drafted into the mob would have been nice, maybe by getting back into theatre. Billy's goofy nature undoubtedly endeared him to the kids, and seeing him reaffirm the daily lives that he's trying to protect would have made for a good bit of insight into his character (though perhaps it would have overlapped too much with Fuuko wanting to protect Chikara?)

But you know what I want to see most? What I think most deserves at least a brief omake? I WANT TO SEE BABY ISSHIN!!! LOOK AT HER!!! HER GRANDPA BRINGS HER TO SCHOOL!!! HE'S SO PROUD OF HER!!! Do you think the school kids would visit him at the office just to see the baby?? Was she popular around the school?? Hell, does the rest of the Union play with her??

I would honestly take a mini-arc dedicated to raising Isshin. I want to see how she grows and how her dynamics with the Union change in the process. I could see Isshin and Chikara getting along particularly well given that they're the cowardly members of the team

I get it, though. This is still a weekly manga that needs to keep fighting for its place; manga have been canceled later into their lives with stronger preceding sales, so slowing down the pacing too much is a huge risk. I wouldn't call Undead Unluck minimalist, more...efficient, I guess. We got a really nice glimpse into the kind of daily lives that the Union got to live in this time, and just enough of one to extrapolate other events that could have happened in the meantime. I'm actually starting to wonder if Tozuka leaves these empty spaces on purpose so that people can have room to write canon-compliant fanfiction?

That said, we haven't lost the possibility of seeing any of those scenes just yet. Given that Fuuko has resolved to continue helping Chikara live a normal life, I'm expecting the next few arcs to be the reverse of this arc; we'll see the events of the Quests and ongoing recruitment efforts while occasionally switching back to school for lighthearted breather scenes. I said recently that I think the next arc will revolve around Kururu, so the school setting would be perfect for that: Fuuko could easily hear talks of a popular new idol and be inspired to pursue a short-lived idol career to meet up with her. Chikara would definitely be her personal photographer to help drum up hype through advertising

I'm sure I've said it, but I really love getting to see Undead Unluck switch between action and slice-of-life. Tozuka does both so well, I'll never complain about whichever he chooses to go with for any given arc. Perhaps switching back and forth would be best so no one gets too accustomed the rhythm, but much like Fuuko with her new school life, I'm just going to enjoy what we get as we get it, and i hope everyone else can too

[jessicaseroticramblings]

The year was coming to an end.

When she signed the employment contract, Jessica knew what the stipulations were. She had to generate enough sales to cover her costs and give the office a profit. Otherwise, she would need to make up the difference.

The end of the quarter was imminent, and failing the best sales week of her year, Jessica was not going to meet her target.

She had heard rumors of how Daniel, her boss and owner of the firm, accepted repayment. But these were just hushed rumors – nothing more.

It was the last Friday of the year before the holiday close when she was summoned into his office.

She had only been in there a few times – mainly during her interview. It was an old-fashioned office, laden with dark oak and decanters filled with fancy liquors.

He was waiting for her in his oversized, high-backed chair. His dress was standard for “casual” Friday – slacks, no jacket, tie, and a vest to keep everything together. She wasn’t yet comfortable enough to do “casual” herself, especially with her subpar numbers. Her dress was pristine, stylish – she knew how to dress, how to accentuate her charms.

He offered her a chair and a drink. She accepted the former and declined the latter. He sipped his whisky, placed it down on the waiting coaster, then leaned forward on his mahogany desk.

His voice was so deep that it almost vibrated the rocks in his scotch. “Do you know why you are here, Jessica?” She didn’t trust her voice not to break, so she simply nodded in reply. “I took a chance on hiring you. You were doing so well, and then your performance just went to shit. We can’t have that. I have a business to run. And that business is not supporting wayward girls who can’t do their jobs.”

He took another drink before continuing. “I like having you here. You try hard, but not hard enough. I think it’s really just an issue of finding the right motivation for you.”

Jessica opened her mouth to interject. “I don’t think it’s a matter of…”

He quietly resumed control of the conversation, using his same measured tone. “Stop talking.” She immediately paused, responding to the quiet power in his voice.

“With girls like you, I know just the motivational tool.” He stood up, and Jessica caught her breath as she realized his pants were open. This was it, what she had heard about.

She didn’t know was she was expecting, but what she saw was a gorgeous cock. Devastatingly erect, large and thick, but not to the point of causing logistical and biological issues. The large head shined, already slick with some of his pre-cum.

He beckoned her to him, and she walked to him, powerless, like a zombie. He lifted her dress over her head, removed her panties and bra, and bent her over his desk. He rubbed his cock on her waiting labia.

“This is what’s going to happen, Jessica. We’re going to fuck now, just once, to make up for what you owe me”. With that, he pushed his cock inside. Jessica was surprised at how wet she was, at how she easily could take him inside, at how fucking good he felt inside her.

His thrusting increased in time. She moaned with the feeling, the pressure on her vaginal walls, the perfect way in which she was stretched. Short gasps escaped her lips. An orgasm already threatened her, as his hands tightly closed on her hips.

“You will love fucking this cock.. But I’m never going to fuck you again, never going to let you experience it again, unless you hit your targets. Is that clear?”

The feral sounds that escaped her lips as she climaxed were the only agreement he needed to amend their workplace contract. 

He kept his hips working, knowing that another orgasm would only add further motivation to his charge.

After this, Jessica would do whatever she could to make this happen again…and again…and again…

[serenanymph]

writeblr positivity tag

tagged by the lovely @macabremoons! gently tagging @lyssa-ink, @reneesbooks, @scroll-of-aves, @space-writes, and anyone else who wants to hop in! this is gonna be a long one so I'm gonna leave it under the cut.

1. What motivates you to write?

All the lovely comments I get!! I honestly just love seeing how people react to my writing. Also just thinking about my characters in general. They're just a bunch of silly little guys <3 (they are unbelievably traumatized). And thinking about those specific few scenes I'll get to write later in the book too!!!

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

Uhh honestly I have mostly forgotten and all the good lines really only make sense with context, but I guess I am?? Mildly proud of this bit??

The air smells of sweet perfume. It’s a sharp, potent scent, thick and cloying, overly concentrated and enough for Beatriz to choke on. That’s the first thing she notices. The second things she notices is everything buried beneath it – dust, the faint, lingering tang of chemicals stinging her nose. Decay and rot. The air smells like death.

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

Wait is this your own OC or someone else's. Okay I can't really pick between my children BUT I do really love @reneesbooks Birdie!! Smol chaotic magic child, absolutely adorable. I want to give her all the pastries she could ever desire

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

On one hand, creating the first draft from scratch is really fun, but on the other, working on later drafts with the knowledge you're refining something and making it better is also so satisfying. Hrm. I'd say first draft wins but only by a small margin (because nothing in the latter stages will exist without it).

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Uh. I have no idea but apparently a lot of people have said I'm really good at descriptions?? So. Descriptions. I guess

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

Honestly I think everyone's answers are gonna be about the same but, y'know. It's the community. Everyone here is genuinely so friendly and talented, and all the games are really fun!!

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I use microsoft word which is like. About all I use. Really boring ik but I'm used to it and for whatever reason I think it came with the laptop?? So yeah

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

I really like exploring the magic system!! Magic for Beasts is largely emotion-based, and can be affected by a variety of factors (everything from target to affinity to environmental conditions) so it's been really fun figuring it out, but still making sure it doesn't become overpowered or a deus ex machina. There's also magic for mages which is a lot more precise and restrained. You can kind of think of it as Beasts having powers while mages have spells.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Honestly most people would probably say something along these lines as well - even though I don't know what's causing your rough patch exactly, the only way to solve this not-writing problem in the end is to write. If you write, you can make it better. If you write, someone out there is bound to find it and love it. So, y'know. Just write. It can only go up from here.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

Okay so first off, @allianaavelinjackson (though she isn't really part of writeblr), for always putting up with my insane ramblings about the little people in my head, losing it when reading about the little people in my head, and just being a really great cheerleader. Love ya. Also @lyssa-ink for being one of my first mutuals and having really interesting story ideas!! And @reneesbooks for her continued support and just being a super talented writer (seriously, lacuna lives rent free in my head). Plus @squarebracket-trick, @e-klair and @space-writes for all the STS questions giving me a chance to yell about Beast at someone, and lastly tagging back @macabremoons for all her support!! I could really go on and on and on but then this post would never end but to all my mutuals!!! Know that I love and appreciate every single one of you and y'all are awesome people!!

BLANK QUESTIONS

1. What motivates you to write?

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

[aronarchy]

[article; not sharing the full original version because it’s racist]

Right-wing antisemitism is allied with the Republican Party and its leaders. The latter dynamic was on display with perfect clarity this weekend when Ron DeSantis refused to criticize white-nationalist slurs.

Last week, Elon Musk endorsed a white-nationalist account stating he was “deeply disinterested in giving the tiniest shit now about western Jewish populations” because “Jewish communties [sic] have been pushing the exact kind of dialectical hatred against whites.” This was not just an antisemitic trope—a metaphor that is connected to, or suggestive of, antisemitic ideas. It was an overt claim that Jewish people are collectively responsible for major social problems and therefore collectively undeserving of sympathy.

Musk, of course, not only endorsed DeSantis but literally staged his presidential-campaign launch. I requested comment from DeSantis’s office on Musk’s antisemitic post last week but received no response.

On Sunday, DeSantis appeared on CNN, where Jake Tapper solicited his thoughts on Musk’s comment. In the face of repeated prodding, he absolutely refused to condemn the comments.

When Tapper asked him the first time, DeSantis claimed he didn’t see Musk’s comment, but proceeded to explain why Musk was actually the victim:

I did not see the comment. And so I know that Elon has had a target on his back ever since he purchased Twitter, because I think he’s taking it in a direction that a lot of people who are used to controlling the narrative don’t like.

Note that DeSantis was not only refusing to condemn the slur but placing it in the positive context of Musk fighting back against the dominant narrative.

Tapper then displayed Musk’s comment, nullifying his excuse that he hadn’t seen it. DeSantis again refused to condemn it. Instead he claimed that left-wing antisemitism is a much greater problem because it has powerful support:

I would say this. The difference is, is that, on the left, that tends to be attached to some major institutional power, like some of our most august universities, whereas I think, on the right, it tends to be more fringe voices that are doing it.

This is obviously a bizarre defense when the supposedly powerless antisemite, Elon Musk, is the wealthiest man in the world and controls its most powerful social medium. (Handing over your campaign launch to an anonymous nobody would have been a weird choice.)

After Tapper generously tried to change the subject (“But let’s turn on—turn to another topic”), DeSantis again insisted right-wing antisemitism is insignificant because “on the institutional side, you have seen this become part of a left-wing movement, a very significant pro-Hamas movement, and it is backed by institutional power.” This prompted Tapper to note again that Musk is hardly powerless, to which DeSantis again claimed, “I haven’t seen it. I know you tried to read it. I have no idea what the context is.”

DeSantis obviously has had plenty of time to review Musk’s comments once again and has still remained silent.

This is not the first time DeSantis has refused to condemn antisemitism on the right. Early last year, a band of white supremacists in Orlando held a rally and roughed up a Jewish student. DeSantis spokesperson Christina Pushaw suggested the reports were unreliable, or that the white supremacists were Democrats in disguise, trying to make DeSantis look bad.

Asked at a press conference about Pushaw’s wild deflections, DeSantis refused to back down. He alluded to “these Democrats who are trying to use this as some type of political issue to try to smear me,” running through a historic list of left-wing antisemites.

DeSantis has claimed he was merely denying oxygen to the white-supremacist cell that was operating (and continues to operate) in central Florida. But his refusal to condemn Musk reveals the hollowness of that excuse. You can’t starve Elon Musk of attention. And you can’t deny Elon Musk’s opinions have any weight when you personally selected him as your campaign surrogate.

The true explanation is that DeSantis grasps with perfect clarity that Donald Trump has activated white nationalists as an energetic Republican faction. White nationalists are far from the majority of the party, but they have a loud enough voice that he feels the need to placate them.

“Blessedly, responsible institutional stewards in the Democratic Party have largely refused to indulge the ugly sentiments expressed by the activists in high orbit around the party. But the same could be said of institutionalists within the GOP,” insists National Review’s Noah Rothman.

The term “institutionalist” seems to be Rothman’s lawyerly way of writing the statement to exclude Donald Trump, a loophole so large it renders the defense almost meaningless. The GOP has become a personality cult in thrall to an America First demagogue who routinely traffics in antisemitism and other bigotry, but at least he’s not an “institutionalist”! (Try our hamburgers, now 97 percent maggot-free!)

But DeSantis and Musk reveal that even Rothman’s almost-meaningless defense is not even true.

Before Trump, white nationalists were largely walled off from Republican politics, and a prominent Republican leader would have had no hesitation in denouncing white nationalism. DeSantis is showing what happens when the firewall collapses.

[hot-take-tournament]

sorry if my take sounds deeply incomprehensible i just kept going back on submitting it and knew if i didn’t ramble it all out in one take i was gonna chicken out again LMAO

don't worry about it at all!

i think an incoherent infodump every once in a while is good for the soul!

look, if we're being totally candid -

i have pretty severe adhd comorbid with bipolar disorder, which i do my best to mask - yeah yeah, i know you're not supposed to, but i doubt i'll ever truly shake the shame, especially given the things i've done as a result of failing to mask, both online and irl (the latter being much, much worse) - so i've resolved to do it for the rest of my life

i did talk a little bit about what i was like on my main blog here, which you might need for context:

(speaking of which, please don't actually follow or even go to my main blog just because you like this one - i'm 100% fucking serious. i'm a very different person over there to the point of being almost unrecognisable, even to myself - and i guarantee that side of myself wouldn't recognise me either; we're like two parts of a very fucked up whole. so for that reason i want to keep these two blogs separate; like i said, i'm bipolar, so that's where i let the venom out, and when i feel joyful again, i come back here. i'm more active here anyway, to the point where i basically consider this my main blog now - i mean, my bio isn't even up to date over there)

the point is although i plan to mask for the rest of my life, even i'm partial to an unprompted infodump or oversharing session every once in a while

that's the reason i want this blog to be a safe place for people to vent/infodump/just share their wildest takes anonymously, while still having a little fun by making it a tournament - it's partly to atone in a cringe kinda way, but also because this dumbass site has actually been a huge source of support in some of the darker points in my life

it's almost ironic in a weird way - i spent so much time targeting other people for their mental health problems, but when i had some of my own i came crawling back to those same people. maybe karma does exist lol

no, i didn't ever interact with any of them; but just lurking on their blogs and reading their posts helped normalise what i was going through when i felt so alone after receiving my diagnosis; though it was always in the back of my mind that maybe a year earlier i would've seen those same posts and done my level best to make them feel like shit for it just for the sake of a little dopamine hit

i'm a proud airhead, but i'm not naive - i'm not going to lie to you and say that tumblr is a safe space, partly because nowhere on the internet is safe, partly because i've read some of your takes and they terrify me, but mostly because i'm living proof of how awful this site can be

but i do want to at least create one semi-safe place on the internet after ruining so many other people's

jesus i'm fucking crying that's new lol

anyway sorry for taking your incoherent infodump and exchanging it with one of my own, that's probably more info about me than you ever wanted to know

but i hope this provides a little context for why i decided to start this blog

the point i was actually trying to make, because i'm pretty sure i never actually responded to what you were saying - never feel embarassed to submit anything! trust me, i totally get it; but i promise, even when i make jokes about some unhinged takes, it's all light-hearted, and if it ever comes across otherwise, please let me know! <3 <3 <3

i'm gonna take a quick break, i'll catch up with you all again later